#'yeah??? and???? this is like a weekly occurence to me'

[writer-room]

Sora: If you haven't noticed, things don't always go right for me

Nya, who had turned into the ocean for a year, the most complicated relationship drama known to man, identity and self-worth issues involving Samurai X, erased a timeline and realm once, grew up thinking her parents were dead, and watched her friends die multiple times: Oh, girl, welcome to the club

[today-i-am-thinking-about]

physical calendars

[nana-au]

Best Friend Activities

Eren + Armin + You - MDNI

₊˚ପ⊹ Summary: Armin is a virgin and Eren enlists you to help out his best friend. Why is he watching? To make sure he’s doing a good job, of course.

(Dom!Eren, Virgin!Armin, Sub!Reader)

₊˚ପ⊹ an: Eren brings out something feral within me. I'm so sorry. Not proofread!!!

₊˚ପ⊹ wc: 3.2k

₊˚ପ⊹ Warnings: mmf pairing, threesome, slight manipulation, breeding/pregnancy kink, mentions of public sex, f receiving! oral, p in v (no protection <3)

𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

Eren Jaeger was so skilled when it came to getting you all wrapped up in his dangerous plans. There was one time he convinced you to skip class to see a movie. Or another time when you two snuck into a bar before your 21st birthday. It made you blush, but you often thought about the time he fingered you in your college’s library a week before finals. His mouth open and hot against yours as you tried to breathe through the pleasure. His fingers sliding in and out, creating the lewdest noise as he shamed your wet pussy for being so loud - Every day with him was eventful to say the least. It shouldn’t have shocked you when Eren tracked you down on your way to class one day with the news of his next venture. He was a good boyfriend, allowing you time to think about it during your geology lecture.

Armin Arlert - Eren’s childhood best friend. Your face felt hot as the professor droned about naturally occurring crystal formations, you weren’t entirely convinced it was English he was speaking - you were that out of it. Armin. Armin. Armin. Your brain chanted. You were used to Eren’s ideas of a good time but this? This was new. 

“I can’t let my best friend graduate college as a virgin! You understand right?” He had that smooth yet exasperated tone while explaining the dilemma. “You’re like nothing I’ve ever had,” he gave you his puppy dog eyes, “You’re the only one I trust to help my best friend with this,” He made it sound so nonchalant, like everyone fucks their boyfriend’s best friend. He noticed your hesitance as you breached the doors of your school’s science department, stopping you before your classroom door. “I’ve never led you down the wrong path, have I?” 

You bit your lip, his final words echoing in your mind. He was always so selfless, putting himself before others. He was offering up his girlfriend to make sure his friend’s first time was a positive experience. How could you be the one to cut his streak of charitability short? 

 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

Throughout the day you felt more and more positive about what was going to happen - that was until you were in Eren’s bedroom with Armin at the edge of his bed. The blonde was fidgeting with his hands, you could tell he was just as unsure as you were. 

“Are you sure you’re okay with this, Eren?” He asked him, giving him the option to back out. He would be lying if he wasn’t interested in you - hell, the whole school was. It seemed to be a weekly occurrence where Eren had to protect you from another man’s attention - it was nerve-wracking how Eren was so nonchalant about sharing you with him now. 

“I’m Positive, ‘Min,” his smile was soft and sincere. Armin couldn’t hide the shiver that wracked across his spine. “You don’t mind, right Armin?” he shook his head fervently to Eren, biting down on his bottom lip as he searched for the right words. “I just recalled our talk way back when,” Eren was leaning back against his dresser, arms crossed and demeanor overtaken by cockiness as he continued, “When we first met her?” he spoke like you weren’t there. You were still by the door, rubbing your arms to soothe yourself from your nerves. Your eyebrows quirked at his mention of you, looking at Armin whose face grew even redder. “Do you remember, ‘Min?”

“Y-Yeah,” his voice quivers and his eyes won't move from a spot on the ground. 

“What talk?” you speak up. Eren finally turns to you, his teeth peaking out of his smirk.

“Armin, do you want to tell her?” The blonde is speechless, you can see a light sheen of sweat on his features as he looks up to Eren. He shakes his head again, you can almost feel the anxiety that radiates off of him. “It’s okay, she’s here isn’t she? She won’t laugh. Right? You won’t laugh?” he addresses you and you’re forced to agree to soothe Armin. “Go on ‘Min,” he assures him. You move towards him, feeling on edge seeing someone you knew so well be so nervous. He won’t meet your eyes so you chose to sit next to him, putting your hand on his back.

“It’s okay,” you promise him. Silence follows your words and after a couple of minutes Eren decides to put an end to his misery. 

“’s really no big deal, he just wanted to fuck you,” you can feel Armin’s body jump from the vulgar choice of words. He wouldn’t have put it so harshly. Before you and Eren were official, Armin had said he wouldn’t mind getting to know you better. He may have also mentioned you were the first girl he ever really felt sexual feelings for. But, again, that was before you and Eren. In this moment, with Eren teasing him and you trying to comfort him, jumping out of the window didn’t sound like a terrible idea. 

“I-I mentioned that you were really pretty,” he was trying so desperately to recover but the taller boy would never allow it.

“It’s okay Armin- she doesn’t mind. Seriously,” You nodded along to Eren’s words, starting to feel a little flushed yourself. “You want to fuck him now, right?” you now were on the hot seat, enduring his questioning. 

“I agreed to help with his p-problem,” you were even beginning to stutter too. God what was Eren going to do with the two of you? He hovered over your figures on the edge of his bed, watching his best friend and girlfriend squirm at his words. 

“Then don’t let me stop you,” You couldn’t move at first, unsure as to what you should even do. He chuckled and reached his hand up your skirt. “Do you need some help getting ready?” his finger looped into your panties and pulled them down to your thighs. You could feel his slender digit nudge your entrance. You hissed at what he found. “Armin, she’s already wet for you,” he laughs incredulously. The blonde finally finds it in himself to move, shifting his body to get a better look. Eren grabs the top of your skirt, pulling it up to your stomach so you were on full display to his friend. He looked shocked. Maybe excited? You were too busy trying not to close your legs at the intrusion to get a good read. “Go ahead, feel,” Eren invites him. He’s hesitant at first, meeting your eyes to make sure it was ok with you. You meekly nod before feeling his cold finger against you. He looks surprised, feeling your slickness on his finger. He nudges the tip of his index against your entrance, probing the velvety skin. “Put it inside,” Eren encourages and you don’t even wait for Armin to check if it’s ok before you are nodding enthusiastically. His soft digit glides into your pussy and he watches, mesmerized by the image in front of him. He can feel the ridges of your walls against his finger and he definitely feels you squeeze around him. 

“Fuck,” he murmurs. He pulls it all the way out, watching the way your arousal trails to his finger. Your eyes are wide as you watch him fall in love with your pussy, and Eren pets your head muttering to himself. You’re such a good girl, letting him explore you. He knew you would be perfect for the job. 

“Do you see her clit?” he asks his friend. “Girls really like it when you play with that,” he advises him. Armin moves his finger up to your clit and your body jolts at sudden harsh feeling. “Rub it gently. In circles.” and Armin obeys. You feel your pussy clench around nothing, incredibly aroused by Armin’s intense interest in your intimate areas. His face was not unsimilar to how it looks when he studies; His brows furrowed in concentration and his jaw was slightly clenched. He wasn’t meeting your gaze, too transfixed on what was happening below. You let out a small mewl, his finger barely ghosting on your clit making it hard to think. 

“What should I do next?” Armin asks Eren.

“What do you want to do next?”

“I want to eat her pussy,”

 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

You were now at the top of the bed with your head underneath a pillow and your pussy enduring Eren’s lesson. He taught him how to swirl his tongue on your clit, how to delve the muscle into your entrance, and that you loved being teased with kitten licks. It felt almost professional the way they talked about your pussy - like you weren’t there. Like it wasn’t attached to you and you weren’t actively moaning at each flick of Armin’s tongue. Eren held down your thighs to keep you from squishing Armin’s head between them, still guiding him on what to do. “Use your finger on her clit again,” he instructed and your legs shivered. His tongue was keeping a steady rhythm in and out of you while his thumb reached up to rub delicious circles on your bundle of nerves. Eren looked proud watching him make you fall apart. “Keep going Armin, she’s gonna cum.” He picked the pace up, and consequently your hips started to rise off the bed. Armin’s face had your pleasure smeared across it as you bucked and pushed your pussy further against his mouth. You were losing control, begging Armin to go faster. “You want Armin to make you cum?” Eren asks you and you cry out a yes. “Armin is making you feel good baby?” and again you are saying yes. 

“Yes, yesss. Mmm. I’m gon’ cum,'' you announce and Eren watches as you fall apart with his friend’s face attached to your pussy. When you come down and after a few more gentle licks, Armin’s head pops out from between your legs and he looks dazed. His lower face glistens with your fluid and his mouth heaves trying to take in much needed breaths. He barely gives himself time to process before he’s already wanting to be inside of you.

“Is that ok, Eren?” he asks, even though he’s not sure what he would do if the answer was no. Eren nods, but adjusts your position to be on top of him. He has you propped against his chest as he sits up against the headboard. The dizziness of making you cum fades once he realizes what he’s about to do, growing unsure of himself. 

“What’s wrong?” Eren inquires and Armin can’t hold back a blush. Scratching the back of his head, he stares down at the two of you. “Look at her Armin, she wants you too,” and he’s right. You are squirming on top of Eren, your body anticipating what was about to come. Eren makes a show of grabbing your tits still under your shirt. He tweaks at the nipple, keeping his gaze on his friend.   

“You won’t be mad?” It was a silly question to ask after he ate you out like a starving man, but he couldn’t help it. Eren didn’t want to admit his reasons were entirely selfish. He loved spilling his seed inside of you, promising one day to give you his kids. He loved watching you squirm as he edged you for hours, reducing you to tears and snot as you begged for release. He especially loved seeing you reach your peak in public, the idea of being caught incredibly arousing to him. He loved how you would do anything he asked of you; He was absolutely going to love you taking his best friend so good for him. All he could do was shake his head ‘No’ for now. 

Armin undoes his belt, hands shaking as he pulls his pants down - his briefs joining after a moment of silent contemplation. His cock slaps against his stomach, the tip angry with fat drops of precum spilling out of it. It’s fairly long, but not as thick as Eren’s. He crawls on the bed to join you two. His breath is shaky, looking down at you, and he can't help but squeeze the base of his length before gliding his hand up and down. Eren’s own hand reaches down to your pussy, playing with your entrance again. 

“I’ll warm her up for it,” he tells Armin, sliding his middle and ring finger inside of you. You whine at the intrusion and he curls them inside you. He wastes no time hitting the spot that makes you throw your head back. “Kiss her, ‘Min,” he orders him. Your pink lips are wet with your spit and your eyes are half-open, lost in the feeling of Eren’s fingers. You ask Armin to kiss you when he doesn’t move at first. When his lips hit yours, Eren picks up the speed. You’re moaning - struggling to keep your lips pursed. The kiss is wet and sloppy and Armin is stroking himself a little faster listening to the squelch of your pussy. “I think she’s ready,” and Armin doesn’t allow himself another moment to reconsider. 

He pulls away from the kiss, lining himself up to you, and pushing himself in. He doesn’t acknowledge that you might need a moment to adjust, he just buries himself all the way in, his voice straining, “Oh shit”. You let out a sharp moan, feeling him bully his way into your tight cunt. Once he’s in he can’t help himself from moving. You can also feel Eren rocking against your backside, matching the rhythm of his best friend’s cock going in and out of your sopping pussy. His pupils are blown out, enamored by the scene in front of him. He pulls your legs back to try and get a better look, causing Armin to go deeper than before. The both of you moan simultaneously at the new angle, your gummy walls massaging his dick perfectly, the head reaching the spot that makes you see stars. You’re completely out of it, drool seeping onto Eren’s shirt as your head rested against his chest. Eren doesn’t even notice - too entranced. Armin’s perfect cock pulls out of you, glistening with your slick, before pounding itself right back in. “It feels t-too good. I can’t last much l-longer..” his moans are high pitched - he completely lost himself in the feeling of your pussy taking him so perfectly. “F-fuck. You’re too perfect,” he hisses, choking out sobs. He’s so overstimulated by how tight you’re squeezing him, how everytime he pulls out your pussy desperately clings to his cock. And the noise - he will never forget the noise. You are so wet - your arousal now leaking down your thighs and smearing itself all over his balls. 

“Cum in her, I don’t mind,” Eren promises. Armin picks up speed and he’s completely lost now. His moans are more like pathetic whines. He’s praising your pussy, thanking his best friend for allowing him to cum inside of you. Allowing you to milk his cock so perfectly. He rocks into you a few more times before he reaches impossibly deep, spilling his load. Eren wonders if it's dangerous for his cock to be this hard. You’re clawing at Eren’s thighs and Armin is crying out. He continues to cum, his dick twitching as his semen sprays your walls. He was babbling out a prayer as he came, thanking every deity he could think of that could have possibly made your pussy so perfect. Once Armin finally pulls off of you, his chest heaves, watching some of his fluid spill out of your perfect center. Eren’s fingers reach down to plug you up and Armin could have passed out at the filthiness of it all. “I gotta make sure it all stays in,” he tells Armin. He’s pulling down his sweatpants with his other hand, careful not to move the one keeping Armin’s cum buried in your hole. He shifts underneath you, making it so you’re laying now. “I think my dick would work better keeping it in,” he comments, mainly to himself. You’re squirming on top of him, excited for his thick cock to replace his fingers. He barges in as roughly as Armin - desperate to feel you squeeze his whole length. He makes quick work - fucking Armin’s children back up inside of you. “You think she can hold both of our loads, ‘Min?” Armin’s mouth is almost on the floor listening to his best friend’s dirty talk. “Fuck-” Eren can’t help but curse out. From his friend’s perspective he could see a mixture of fluids build at the base of Eren’s cock, creating a ring around it. The squelching sounds were overwhelming - along with your constant breathy moans. You were completely drunk off of their cocks. They were in awe with how well you took them - how good the attention of your pussy felt. Armin felt himself growing semi-hard, almost jealous Eren was feeling the heaven he just felt. You were truly an angel. “C’mere and rub her clit,” Eren spat out another order that Armin would be too stupid not to follow. He sat at the side of you two, his fingers reaching your nub. 

You choked out a sob, “‘Min, you’re s-so good at that,” and he truly was. His fingers were soft and fast and he knew just the right speed to get your pussy clenching on Eren’s cock. 

“G-god beautiful. You like him playing with your pretty pussy? Fuck! Squeezing me so tight. ‘M gonna cum inside you. Give you a baby, would ‘ya like that? Gonna breed you so good. All with Armin’s help, huh?” You're lost in his words, his cock - Armin’s delicate fingers. You come loud - you begin crying and reaching for Armin’s hand. He smacks it away, continuing his assault on your clit as Eren pounds into you. One arm is holding you down against him, the other spreading your left thigh open to make you take him well. He’s praising you, “Fuck- this tight pussy baby… ‘feels so good. Want me to come? Want me to mix our loads? Won’t know whose baby it is” His hair is flat against his forehead, almost completely covering his eyes. He can still see though, he’s watching his best friend relentlessly rub your clit and holding your hands so you can’t stop him. He’s overstimulated by the sight and his dick is twitching while rope after rope of cum shoots out of him and into your perfect pussy. 

 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ

The two boys take their time cleaning you up - not before they spend even longer watching their mixture spill out of you. They both take their turns shoving it back inside of you before watching it dribble out of you again. Armin can’t help himself from teasing your clit a few more times while Eren’s finger plays with the juices falling out of you. He teaches Armin a thing or two about the importance of aftercare, and the two of them clean you up in the bath.

Whilst watching Armin soap up your body Eren heavily considers making this a weekly occurrence. 

[diorsluv]

casual , part 12

“ knee deep in the passenger seat and you’re eating me out ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

( socialmedia!au )

edwards.73

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yourusername 🥰

→ edwards.73 ❤️

rutgermcgroarty you actually did it

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username18 OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GODDD

username26 YEAHHH LES GO HE DID IT

mackie.samo was this purely to spite rutger

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vivianliu doesn’t seem very appreciative

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yourusername

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yourusername blue days for the blue gals 💙

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luca.fantilli ur caption makes no sense

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username16 would now be a good time to exercise my weekly #RUTSUPREMACY privileges

liked by yourusername

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vivianliu YOU NEED A YELLOW DAY. BECAUSE YELLOW = HAPPY. BLUE - BLUE + YELLOW = HAPPY.

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rutgermcgroarty how about instead of moping we go have a little best friends day at mini golf

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trevorzegras you’re not updating me on any of this

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adamfantilli i fw those blue pants

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next chapter notes ) i haven’t updated this in a week guys am i cooked?!?! wanna start that rut au so badly but i don’t want it to flop and i also don’t wanna put another au on hold 😔😔

tags: @dancerbailey3 @hughesfein @loveforaugust @alwaysclassyeagle @love4ldr @inhoodmood @bunting58 @crazycat-ladys-blog @smoooore @bunbunbl0gs @lilasianmeat

[fluentmoviequoter]

Merry and Bright

Day 9 of 12 Days of Ficmas

Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!reader (The Rookie)

Summary: You invite Tim over on Christmas Eve, but he says he's working. A Christmas miracle occurs and Tim knocks on your door, presents in tow.

Word Count: 1.4k+ words

Warnings: so much fluff. How the Grinch Stole Christmas references. Tim is probably OOC. I made up some stuff about Tim and his sister.

A/N: I haven't written for Tim Bradford yet, so please feel free to leave feedback and let me know what you think! I'd like to keep writing for him and try to capture his amazing character better so please feel free to send requests if you have any!

Masterlist Directory | Request Info (& full fandom list)

Since you inserted yourself into Tim’s life, barging your way in with a basket of goodies after moving in next door, he has quickly become one of your best friends. If he’s undeniably handsome and one of the most caring men you’ve ever met despite his grumpy exterior, so what? You asked yourself that the first time you invited him over for dinner, but now it’s a weekly occurrence, and it is your week to cook.

Your favorite one-pan dish is in the oven, and the game is queued on your television, but all that’s missing is Tim Bradford. As you decorated for Christmas this year, you thought about him and how his sister isn’t coming to LA for the holidays, leaving him alone. You’ve since decided to do something about that.

“Anyone home?” Tim asks as he opens your door. “Because I know I’ve told you more times than I can count to lock your door.”

You look around the corner and smile at him as you argue, “My neighbor’s a cop, it’ll be fine.”

“Sergeant, not a cop.”

“My apologies, Sergeant Bradford.”

He smiles at you, less rare than it used to be, but a moment you take the time to appreciate, never knowing when he will grace you with another one.

“So, I know your sister isn’t visiting,” you begin, “and I was wondering if you’d be interested in spending Christmas here?”

Tim glances at your Christmas tree before answering. “I would love to, and I can’t thank you enough for thinking of me and offering, but I’m working Christmas Eve.”

“Okay,” you say, nodding as you smile. “I just wanted to extend the invitation.”

You turn around to remove dinner from the oven, and Tim places a hand on your arm, stopping you.

“Thank you,” he repeats quietly and bordering on reverent. “I really appreciate it.”

“Of course. You’re always welcome here.”

“I’m sorry. I would come if I could.”

“Tim, it’s fine. I’ll just have to give you your giant stack of gifts later,” you tease.

Tim nods, removing his hand from your arm and watching you turn away, his heart trying to decide whether it wants to shrink or grow.

✯✯✯✯✯

“Bradford, are you good?” Wade asks as he leaves the station.

“Fantastic,” he mumbles. Wade looks at him, unconvinced, and he sighs before saying, “I just wish I could be somewhere else. I’m glad I could help out the officers with families, with kids, and give them the night off, but…”

“You’re regretting it?” Wade finishes.

“Not exactly.”

“Well, if you want to come over when you get off, we’ll leave the lights on,” Wade offers.

“Thanks,” Tim says. He doesn’t add: I’ve got somewhere else I’d rather be.

Someone walks up behind Tim and places a Santa hat on his head.

“Cheer up, Grinchy,” Angela calls, walking out of the station. “Merry Christmas, Tim!”

“Yeah,” Tim says, more to himself than her.

“Dude, we need to find you a K9 named Max, finish off the Grinch look,” Aaron teases, sitting next to Tim as his shift begins. He’s working tonight for the same reason Tim is: to let the officers with families spend Christmas with their loved ones.

“Oh, should we get him a little heart pin, too, and try to make it grow?” Nolan chimes in.

“Sorry, Bradford, but you’re just so… Grinchy,” Aaron says.

Tim laughs, shaking his head as the Santa hat shifts with his movement. Nolan and Aaron look at each other in horror and amusement at the fact that Tim Bradford, who is wearing a Santa hat, just laughed. Tim, however, is only thinking of you and how you’d absolutely agree with them. Although, if you were here, or if he was with you, he wouldn’t be quite so Grinchy.

“Merry Christmas, LAPD!” Officer Jan announces, entering the station in a full Santa costume. “I have come to relieve one lucky soul of Christmas Eve duty.”

“Bradford!” Aaron and Nolan yell. “He has somewhere to be.”

“How do you-?” Tim asks.

“It’s all over your face,” Aaron says as Nolan answers, “Go get her… whoever she is.”

Tim looks at Jan, who nods encouragingly. Tim jumps to his feet and runs to his locker. He’s heading home for Christmas, but he has one stop. As he changes before climbing in his truck, he makes a mental list of everything he needs. Merry Christmas to all, Tim thinks.

✯✯✯✯✯

You smile at the ending of the Christmas movie on your television, your thoughts drifting to Tim as you wonder what it would be like to have him here. As you try to focus on the movie again, someone knocks on your door.

When you open it, you don’t expect to see Tim in a Santa hat and holding several gift bags. Your eyes widen, and your smile returns as you let him in, closing the door behind him. He opens his mouth to say something, but you wrap your arms around his shoulders and hug him tightly before he gets the chance. His arms wrap around you, loosely at first, before tightening when a Christmas song begins playing through your speakers as the credits roll. 

“I brought gifts,” he says against your shoulder.

“You didn’t have to. I just wanted to see you,” you reply.

He squeezes you once more, and you slowly step back, pulling out of the hug and looking up into Tim’s eyes.

“You brought hot chocolate?” you ask, stealing a peek into one of the bags.

“It’s Christmas,” he answers, as if it’s obvious.

“Didn’t take you for the sentimental type.”

“I’m not always.”

You smile and gesture for him to follow you, leading him into the kitchen and pulling two Christmas-themed mugs from your cupboard.

“Thank you for coming,” you tell him.

“Thanks for inviting me.”

✯✯✯✯✯

After making the hot chocolate, you return to the couch and turn on A Charlie Brown Christmas as you resist leaning into Tim’s side.

“This is one of my favorites,” he says quietly, “my sister and I watched it every time it was on cable growing up.”

“It’s a classic,” you agree.

“We would watch it, drink hot cocoa or cider, whatever was in the kitchen, and exchange one gift on Christmas Eve,” Tim adds.

“Do you want to open a gift?” you ask, facing him. “There’s only a few hours until Christmas anyway.”

Tim thinks for a moment and then smiles at you. “Just one.”

You stand, retrieving a small box from under the tree while he pulls a gift from one of the bags. When you sit back down, you sit a little closer than before. He opens his present first, smiling and leaning in to hug you as he thanks you. When you open yours, you see a gift you’ve wanted for years but no one ever remembered. You start to thank him, but something happens along the way, and instead, your lips land on his. His hand raises to your arm as he reciprocates, but you realise your mistake (was it really a mistake? you ask yourself) and pull back.

“I’m sorry,” you say.

His hand slides up your arm to rest at the back of your neck. You see a new smile as he pulls you back in. Pressing your hand against his chest, you stop yourself.

“Are you sure?” you whisper.

“Have you ever seen me so merry and bright?” he asks, his smile the widest you’ve ever seen.

You pick up the pompom at the end of his Santa hat and chuckle. “You are pretty cuddly,” you reply, noticing his other arm has wrapped around your waist. 

He rolls his eyes, still smiling as he kisses you again. You shift backward, your hand landing on the remote and resuming the movie. Tim laughs as he pulls back, pulling you against him.

“How’d you get off work?” you ask.

“Jan came in and offered to cover for one of us, and I was volunteered because I was being too ‘Grinchy.’”

You gasp in faux surprise. “Tim Bradford? You? Grinchy? I can’t imagine it.”

He smiles, and you lean in to kiss him again, your new favorite pastime.

“Thank you for coming. This is the best Christmas ever,” you say against his lips.

“Until next year?” Tim asks.

“What happens next year?”

“We’ll see.”

“And for now we’re merry and bright?” you respond.

“The merriest and the brightest,” Tim jokes, pulling you against his side as Charlie Brown appears on screen.

Merry and Bright, indeed.

[positivexcellence]

The Boys boss knows a Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki reunion would 'break the internet': 'It's occurred to me'

In a new interview with Entertainment Weekly, Kripke confirms that, "yeah, it's fair" to say the plan is for the actor to join up on The Boys next season. He also coyly teased that he's thought about a reunion between Padalecki and Ackles

"The value of that is to break the internet. So we'll see whether it's right for the story," Kripke says. "But yes, it's occurred to me that putting those two in a scene together would destroy much of the world, and that's appealing."

Padalecki told Deadline that he spoke with Kripke about a role last week, saying, "I think at this point in my acting life, I only want to work on projects that I really care about or with people that I really care about, and obviously Eric and I are indelibly connected forever." He was firm in his desire to do it. He said, "The answer is yes," should the role work out.

Kripke now tells EW, "We both have now seen that it looks like our schedules will line up. I don't have the role for him yet just because we haven't cooked it up. We're still really early in the season 5 break, but it does seem like the planets are aligning. Barring any unforeseen disaster, it seems like it'll happen. Again, I don't know what the character is, I don't know if it's one episode or more, I genuinely know a total of zero about all of that. I'm not being coy. I really don't know."

There have been multiple Supernatural alums who crossed over onto The Boys, but Ackles appeared in a big way during season 3 as Soldier Boy, a World War II-era, Captain America-esque supe with a big connection to Homelander (Antony Starr). Kripke previously told EW that he was purposefully leaving the door open after that climactic season finale episode for more Ackles on the show.

"The old TV adage is like, never kill anyone unless you really, really have to. Never close a door, open a window," Kripke said at the time. "We'll all have to wait and see, but I can't imagine the series ending without Soldier Boy making another appearance." The actor then reprised Soldier Boy for a cameo in spinoff series Gen V.

The Boys season 4 currently belongs to Morgan, who arrives on the scene as Joe Kessler, a former colleague of Billy Butcher (Karl Urban) who shares his hatred for supes. "I just saw that his show got f---ing chicken. So I'm sure he'll get on it," Morgan told EW of Padalecki possibly joining the ranks. "I think that they're talking about it. Kripke, he'll bring him on. Jared's so f---ing big. He could just be a monster. He's Bigfoot, dude."

EW

[whatbigotspost]

God damn it. One of my least favorite things about being on tumblr.com is the fact that someone is always going to say the main point of my post back to me as if I wasn’t saying it in the first place.

This is definitely a phenomenon specific to this platform for me, but that might be because this is the only social media where I actually write things a bit longer. I have no idea, maybe other sites have this occurring too. But for me, it’s a Tumblr thing.

Basically it feels like no matter what I do, if my posts “breach containment” as one might say, I can seemingly never words things in a way that won’t have somebody at some point re-blogging where they say “ACTUALLY…..” and launch into a slightly reworded but fundamentally IDENTICAL main point a different way than I said it. 

It drives me up the wall. Of course, the solution is to just ignore this and move on with my life. But it’s so hard. I try to be so extremely intentional and clear and detailed with the language that I use when I’m writing. When somebody has so egregiously not comprehended what I’ve said that they think that I’m not even saying the thing I’m saying, well it really gets under my skin. And I know right now we’re in that whole space of being judgmental about other peoples reading comprehension skills, but when you’re on a website for 13 years with this continuously occurring in large and small ways, it’s hard not to notice over and over.

And I might think it was a “me thing” if I didn’t see it crossing my dash happenening to other people all the time as well.

Anyway, it’s pretty much a weekly occurrence for me to wake up and see something in my notes where somebody starts their post with a big ACTUALLY and end it with a thing that makes me think “yeah, no shit that’s what I was saying the whole time.”

[linkyu]

tell me about your defense contract pleage

Oh boy!

To be fair, it's nothing grandiose, like, it wasn't about "a new missile blueprint" or whatever, but, just thinking about what it could have become? yeesh.

So, let's go.

For context, this is taking place in the early 2010s, where I was working as a dev and manager for a company that mostly did space stuff, but they had some defence and security contracts too.

One day we got a new contract though, which was... a weird one. It was state-auctioned, meaning that this was basically a homeland contract, but the main sponsor was Philip Morris. Yeah. The American cigarette company.

Why? Because the contract was essentially a crackdown on "illegal cigarette sales", but it was sold as a more general "war on drugs" contract.

For those unaware (because chances are, like me, you are a non-smoker), cigarette contraband is very much a thing. At the time, ~15% of cigarettes were sold illegally here (read: they were smuggled in and sold on the street).

And Phillip Morris wanted to stop that. After all, they're only a small company worth uhhh... oh JFC. Just a paltry 150 billion dollars. They need those extra dollars, you understand?

Anyway. So they sponsored a contract to the state, promising that "the technology used for this can be used to stop drug deals too". Also that "the state would benefit from the cigarettes part as well because smaller black market means more official sales means a higher tax revenue" (that has actually been proven true during the 2020 quarantine).

Anyway, here was the plan:

Phase 1 was to train a neural network and plug it in directly to the city's video-surveillance system, in order to detect illegal transactions as soon as they occur. Big brother who?

Phase 2 was to then track the people involved in said transaction throughout the city, based on their appearance and gait. You ever seen the Plainsight sheep counting video? Imagine something like this but with people. That data would then be relayed to police officers in the area.

So yeah, an automated CCTV-based tracking system. Because that's not setting a scary precedent.

So what do you do when you're in that position? Let me tell you. If you're thrust unknowingly, or against your will, into a project like this,

Note. The following is not a legal advice. In fact it's not even good advice. Do not attempt any of this unless you know you can't get caught, or that even if you are caught, the consequences are acceptable. Above all else, always have a backup plan if and when it backfires. Also don't do anything that can get you sued. Be reasonable.

Let me introduce you to the world of Corporate Sabotage! It's a funny form of striking, very effective in office environments.

Here's what I did:

First of all was the training data. We had extensive footage, but it needed to be marked manually for the training. Basically, just cropping the clips around the "transaction" and drawing some boxes on top of the "criminals". I was in charge of several batches of those. It helped that I was fast at it since I had video editing experience already. Well, let's just say that a good deal of those markings were... not very accurate.

Also, did you know that some video encodings are very slow to process by OpenCV, to the point of sometimes crashing? I'm sure the software is better at it nowadays though. So I did that to another portion of the data.

Unfortunately the training model itself was handled by a different company, so I couldn't do more about this.

Or could I?

I was the main person communicating with them, after all.

Enter: Miscommunication Master

In short (because this is already way too long), I became the most rigid person in the project. Like insisting on sharing the training data only on our own secure shared drive, which they didn't have access to yet. Or tracking down every single bug in the program and making weekly reports on those, which bogged down progress. Or asking for things to be done but without pointing at anyone in particular, so that no one actually did the thing. You know, classic manager incompetence. Except I couldn't be faulted, because after all, I was just "really serious about the security aspect of this project. And you don't want the state to learn that we've mishandled the data security of the project, do you, Jeff?"

A thousand little jabs like this, to slow down and delay the project.

At the end of it, after a full year on this project, we had.... a neural network full of false positives and a semi-working visualizer.

They said the project needed to be wrapped up in the next three months.

I said "damn, good luck with that! By the way my contract is up next month and I'm not renewing."

Last I heard, that city still doesn't have anything installed on their CCTV.

tl;dr: I used corporate sabotage to prevent automated surveillance to be implemented in a city--

hey hold on

wait

what

HEY ACTUALLY I DID SOME EXTRA RESEARCH TO SEE IF PHILLIP MORRIS TRIED THIS SHIT WITH ANOTHER COMPANY SINCE THEN AND WHAT THE FUCK

HUH??????

well what the fuck was all that even about then if they already own most of the black market???

[professorfcknmoriarty]

Mismag prompt

Evan and Jammer

"I belong here."

For a very brief period of time when the four of them were at Gowpenny together, when it was the Full Pilot Program, and not just 3/4s, Jammer had instituted a twice weekly occurence known as The Huddle.

Evan always had always suspected that The Huddle was specifically geared towards him - it had been first suggested within days of Sam's rather dramatically exclaiming that Evan was so obviously touch-starved - and named the way it was so that he wouldn't be able to accuse them of exactly that.

The Huddle, was a simple enough thing. Evan and Jammer would push together two of the bunks, so that there would be enough space for a pile, and everyone would change into their pyjamas, bring a pillow, and climb into bed. Pretty much anytime it happened, there would be at least some part of everyone's body touching Evan's at any given moment. An arm, a leg, a torso, or just a head tucked into the crook of his neck.

Sometimes, if he was having an especially bad day, one of them would opt to lie across his body like an extra-heavy blanket.

Instead of making Evan feel weighed down and trapped, it made him feel safe, grounded.

The feeling of I don't belong here would turn into I'm allowed to be here. It's safe. Sometimes, he'd have to wipe away tears, pretending that he hadn't been crying. If anyone ever noticed, they never said anything about it.

After Jammer left, The Huddle became first a weekly thing, and then a monthly, and then eventually, they just didn't do it anymore. It was always something that someone else would declare, never Evan, and he couldn't bring himself to ask for it - no matter how much he might wish to.

Years later, Evan will begrudgingly agree to be transported back to the USofA to watch one of Jammer's games. The others will be joining later, having gotten a hotel room to share, but Evan had arrived first.

"It's okay," he says almost immediately upon walking into Jammer's one-room apartment, realising there isn't space for him. It's a nice place, nicer than any of the places Evan's ever gotten for himself. "I've got my air mattress; you don't gotta put me up."

Jammer gives him a look. It's one of the Jammer Patented Looks, that Evan's long since learned means some variation of, 'WTF, Big Guy'.

"Nope," Jammer says. "I've got a double, we're gonna share."

"Jammer -"

"Not a discussion," Jammer continues. "C'mon."

Feeling like a man walking to his doom, Evan follows him to the small room, decorated with various basketball paraphernalia for few different teams, but predominantly for the one he's playing on right now, having been drafted right out of college.

Begrudgingly, he sits his bag delicately in the corner of the room, somewhere out of the way.

"Hey, Ev'?"

"Yeah, J?"

"You know that thing you do somethings, where you make eye contact with someone, and you go into their head?"

"...yeah?"

"You can do it without killing them, yeah? Just walk around in their head instead of turning off all the lights?"

He's never really experimented with it before, but he'd imagine it wouldn't be too difficult. "Sure," he says.

"I want you to do that with me," Jammer says, as if he's asking Evan to bring him a soda, and not invade his mind. Before Evan can protest, he continues, "There's something I been trying to tell you since we first met, big guy. And I'm starting to think the only way you'll believe it is if you see for yourself."

It's a nice place, Jammer's mind. Where Boudicca's mind had been more akin to a dark and stormy castle, Jammer's is like a basketball field in the middle of a park, on a perfect summer day. When he looks around, he sees that there are various murals throughout the open space. Some of them are people Evan doesn't know, some of them he knows only from pictures and stories, and some of them - a lot, actually - are of Sam, K, and Evan at various stages of life.

Some of the Evans have long hair, some have it pulled back into that stupid looking ponytail on the top of his head, and some of them are as he is now - all clad in black, with the shortest hair possible.

"Hey, big fella," Jammer says, from next to him. He has Spalding on his hip. "What do you see?"

"I-I see -" he doesn't know how to explain it. There are tears in his eyes, but he can't wipe them away.

"Something about me you should know," Jammer says softly, "Is that while team means family, and family means everything to me - I don't invite just anybody into my family. If you're family, that's because I chose to make you family."

"I -"

"You're more than just one of my bros, Evan. You're my brother."

When Evan opens his eyes again, Jammer's laid out across his chest, idly tapping away at his phone. He looks over at Evan and smiles, reaching over to pat his shoulder rhythmically. "You got what you needed?" he asks.

Evan doesn't have any tattoos, except for the smiley face with the pen, and most of the things he has imprinted on his psyche are bad and wrong and awful. But when he closes his eyes, he's surrounded by an all-encompassing awareness that's been imprinted into him.

In the layers of his brain, the dermis of his skin, the edges of whatever calls itself Evan's soul - there is a little piece of Jammer, that's saying you belong here, Evan.

The next day, when they go to pick Sam and K at the airport, Evan's the one to sling his arm around the back of Jammer's shoulder and lean into him. "Thanks," he whispers.

For the first time in his life, when they're all together again, Evan doesn't think - they'd be better off without me or they don't really want me here.

Instead, the only thought on his mind is, I belong here.

"Huddle?" he asks, back at the apartment together.

Cheering, Sam and K shout, "Huddle!" and pile onto him.

[runaaaxoxo]

day three of shiftmas ; eggnog

answering this as my mcu dr where im tony starks sister <3

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

(in this dr, civil war doesnt happen. this took place when civil war shouldve happened, how ironic lmfao)

to be honest, this dr is pretty calm (except 4 all the mc moments i scripted but thats a story 4 a diff day!). and VERY surprisingly, tony stank isnt the star of all the drama this time!!

so, sam was helping spiderman (peter) film a tiktok, and whilst spiderman was rambling on about how hes so gr8ful to his fans for all the support, sam forgot to cut the tiktok and called spiderman peter. so erm, everyone was going crazy over that, and then like 2 hours l8er, i forgot if it was steve or thor, but peter was with them and i shit you not an entire ARMY of fangirls basically ran them down, looking for peter. tony had gone out 4 a bit, but when he came in he was like '???' tbh he was probably more confused as to why they werent there 4 HIM over anything else, but thats tony 4 yall. people trying to find out spidermans identity is like a weekly occurence, but his fans have never acc tracked them down, and sam calling him peter didnt helppp.

THE LECTURE THEY GOT FROM BRUCE AND NICK WAS HILARIOUSSS DHGF7UYDQ, for some reason i was lectured too??? like sir???? apparently it was because i was in the background spraypainting vision pink BUT LIKE STILL... and pietro was making fun of me 4 a week after that

(side note, tony and wanda made me turn him back red :( v unfortunate)

YEAH THATS BASICALLY IT, my dr's dont tend to have drama unless thats the sole purpose of the reality (for example, one of my mha dr's are just filled of me being awesome and attracting tons of press lmfao)

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

[cobrakaisb]

meet me in the pouring rain

summary: mark's working over time to make things up to you, because when sparks fly, they fly. (part two of life in a glass house)

word count: 886

all he could hear were your words, “i asked you not to waste my time mark,” repeating in his head like a mantra. he couldn’t go one second without hearing them. lifting weights with the team, he was thinking about you; eating at the dining hall, his thoughts were centered around you. 

it was a slap to the face, honestly. he worked so hard to gain your trust, establish a friendship with you, and then blew it in the span of one night. he blew it and he hadn’t even known it. until days later, and it was affecting everything. 

his game was off. he was spending more time than usual in the penalty box, and that’s saying something since he’s already in there an excessive amount of time. his social life was also taking a hit. suddenly, he didn’t even want to think about partying, drinking, or seeing any girls. all he wanted was you. 

he missed your study sessions, your ranting about books, ones he’s never even heard of, and your sarcastic remarks. he missed seeing your encouraging smile when he started to understand the material from english class. he missed sitting side by side on his bed, legs barely touching, as you ripped apart his latest composition. he missed watching you chew on the cap of the red, ballpoint, bic pen as you made small corrections to his revised essays. but most importantly, he missed you. 

after this revelation, mark made it his personal mission to talk to you again. he tried catching you after class, but you were either ignoring him or didn’t hear him. he wanted to believe it was the latter, but he knew there was a higher probability that the former was true. 

then, he tried finding you after your weekly book club meetings. he knew it met on thursdays, because you very adamant about keeping thursdays free, and he knew meetings occurred in a room in the student union. he just, for the life of him, could not find out which room. so that idea went down the drain. 

a week later, he saw you in the stands at yost arena. you were sitting with some friends, your group barely paying any attention to the ice or the people on it. but his eyes found you, and they kept coming back to you. “dude, get your head in the game,” ethan said, speeding by him. all he could think about was how you’d comment on the high school musical reference. 

thankfully, they won that game, and mark was sure that you’d stick around. he was so sure, that he rushed to shower and change back into his suit. imagine his surprise when he walks out of the locker room and can’t find you. he’d lost you again.

the next day, on his run, mark stopped in front of your dorm building. ever since you stopped talking to him, he changed his route, praying for a chance to run into you. it seemed that luck was on his side because you were fumbling around for your id to unlock the door when he slowed to a stop in front of your dorm room. 

“mark? you’re soaked, what are you doing?” you asked, looking at him for the first time in weeks. and that’s all that mattered at the moment, the fact that your eyes were meeting his. and was it raining? it was raining, he realized as he felt the cold water deep into his bones. 

“i ran to clear my head, and i somehow ended up here,” he answered. mark wanted you to respond, but you didn’t say anything. instead, you just stared at him. “look, y/n, the letter thing wasn’t my fault. i had no idea you even wrote me a letter until after you stopped talking to me. i was complaining about it to the guys, and they told me what happened. i really had no idea,” he explained.

“why didn’t you tell me any of this sooner?” you asked, arms crossed as the rain soaked your hair and all other aspects of your outfit. 

“i tried, but you were kind of ignoring me,” mark answered. “is that it?” you replied, after a couple beats of silence. 

“yeah, my pride is telling me that’s it. my pride just wants me to walk away and pretend like nine of this ever happened, but my heart says just forget about your pride, you idiot. you love this girl. and even if you’re gonna catch pneumonia, your ass is gonna stand out here in the rain, until you can convince her to forgive you.” 

“and why should i? forgive you?” she finally asked, giving him a curious look. “because i love you. and you look really hot standing out here in the rain, so i have to kiss you,” mark answered, with zero hesitation. at that moment, y/n smiled, a small one, but it was a smile, nonetheless. 

“oh you have to?” she asked, in that smartass tone that would usually have mark going mental, but with her it was fine. “i have to,” he agreed as her arms wrapped around the back of his neck, one hand digging into his hair. “then you better kiss me you stupid idiot,” she mumbled right as their lips collided.

[paranormalactivity5]

you were right in front of me.

༺♡༻

Bestfriend!Eddie Munson x fem!reader      

Notes: looked it up and apparently there is a member of hellfire named doug so he’s in this, y/n has an aunt. The confession is based of a tiktok i saw. As always constructive criticism and feedback is welcomed!

Summary: Eddie realizes hes in love with his best trend and a freudian slip occurs.

WC: 1.2k

Everyone was sitting at the Hawkins High lunch table in their assigned but, not assigned seats chatting along as usual, but when Eddie sat down he immediately noticed something was wrong. “Wheres y/n?” “oh she's helping her aunt move today, she didn't tell you?” Steve said confused, the two told each other everything. “No….” he replied confused himself, they did tell each other everything; why didn't she tell him? And this was such a small thing, why was it bothering him?

Gareth arrived at the table, sitting down making an upset “oomph” sound when he hit the chair “What up with you?” Robin asked “Bethany totally shot him down when he tried to ask her out.'' Jeff remarked “Yup, I saw it, he barely got past one word, crashed and burned” Doug said making a fake missile fall and explode with his hand for extra salt in the wound. “You love this too much! I mean you're basking in my humiliation!”. Everyone laughed  and then Robin interjected “Hey don't laugh at him, I'm just as bad, I mean Vicky doesn't know I like her and I can barely get a word in.” She continues to pick at the carrots on her plate. Everyone continues ranting about their relationships or, lack thereof when Dustin butts in “you know you've been awfully quiet over there Eddie?”

“What?” he asks confused “surprised he havent started wailing on about y/n.” Gareth says with a chuckle but quickly shuts up when eddie gives him a glare “Seriously what the hell are you guys talking about?” “how you’re so hopelessly in love with her but she dosent seen to notice?” robin states like its obvious, he dosent notice the smirk on her face when she says the last part. the whole table nods “she's so pretty, her style is so cool!” Jeff remarks quoting eddie “she's so smart!” lucas adds, this continues on until eddie relalizes, holy shit are they right? Is he in denial? I mean yeah he’ll admit that what he feels for her is a bit more then friendship but, is he in love?

Youve been helping your aunt move all day and were exhausted but now it was time to get ready for your weekly hangout with eddie and knowing you were going to see him gave you just enough energy to get there, eat some pizza, and watch a movie. As you were getting ready you were overthinking as you always did before you saw him; Should you wear a skirt? Or would that make it to obvious you were trying to impress him? You landed on just some black ripped jean shorts, some spiderweb tights and a metallica shirt with some combat boots. A simple outfit, a little over the top for movie and pizza but, maybe just enough for eddie to finally get the hint

When you arrived at eddies you hugged him like you usually do but he seemed stiff, which was odd because he would always welcome you into a big bear hug, sometimes even picking you up off the ground! He seemed so uncomfortable throughout all of “little shop of horrors” until you finally made the suggestion that you should smoke a joint and order pizza, maybe it would loosen him up and he would say what was so obviously bothering him

He began to rifle through the drawer next to his bed where he kept his own personal stash and pulled out all the things needed and began to grind up a small nug. Most of this happened silently, whatever was bothering him must be really bad, usually he would be talking up a storm.

He was feaking out, the second he saw her smile and felt him hug her he knew he was screwed. Hes definetly in love. As he was preparing the joint he decided he cant keep acting all weird she might catch on. Hopefully a joint can helf him lossen up.

About 10 minutes of smoking later and Eddie and defineitly chilled out some. Just as you were about to ask him what had him so worked up in the first Place the doorbell rang, Eddie got up to get it quite quickly, “That must be the pizza, ill go get it.” guess he was still a little nervous. In Eddie's head he was once again freaking out. Your eyes were heavy, your voice and body relaxed, you looked so pretty…..you always did, but since the realization he loved you it became increasingly hard to not throw himself into you, hopefully you didnt notice.

By the time he had paid the guy, gotten you both a slice and some beer you had picked up and began flipping through it. “You ever think about your wedding?” you asked “sometimes, why?” “there were some wedding dresses in this magazine…..i bet yours would be like, lord of the rings themed or something.” you snarked while chuckling “i meannnn…” he looks at you with a knowing look in his eye. “No you’re right that would be cool as fuck” you admit “expensive as hell tho.” you nod in agreement. “Well who would i be like your best- maid of- best woman..is that a thing?” or i could be the bride, you think to yourself. “Yeah i think thats a thing”

“Shit I mean you could be the bride who knows” he says laughing. Holy shit holy shit does he even realize what he just said? It seems he does when he looks up and you're staring at him “What?”  “you know like.. it's a possibility…like with all the roles you could possibly take its…in the realm. Not like I want you to be the bride” he lets out a small laugh. He's messing with his hands and touching his hair, which he always does when he lies. Hes lying. “You’re lying” you blurt out before you can stop yourself. “Huh?” “you’re playing with your hands and your hair while looking down, you always do that when you're lying….You like me?”  “I love yo-” he begins to admit nervously, but before he can get another word out your lips are on his, youre not sure what caused such confidence to come over you, maybe years of pinning. You could tell he wasn't expecting it but he soon melted into the kiss, years of what was thought to be unrequited love being poured in from both sides. 

Once you pulled apart you spent a moment just staring into each other's eyes. You're the first to speak “Why didn't you tell me?” the answer would've made you fall to your knees if you weren't already half straddling him “Baby I can barely hear my own thoughts when I'm with you.” you smile and giggle, hiding your face in the crook of his neck, he does the same. “Robins gunna freak.” you point out with a laugh and his head slightly turns to look at you quizzically. “She's been trying to set us up forever” you state. He thinks back to the conversation from later today…. he's going to have to thank her.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Vesuvia Weekly: Brainrot's Baking Lesson

~ What happens when six friends ask their local author to show them his bread recipe? What happens when this involves teleporting them to brainrot's IRL apartment kitchen? ~

1.6k words, rated PG

I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to have all of them over at once, instead of inviting them in twos and threes. Nadia and Asra are both sitting on my kitchen stools, being politely conscious of the fact that they are in my personal space. Muriel is surprisingly at ease - he's found my cat. He's very happy to have something small and soft to protect, and she's very happy to have such a tall and attentive shoulder to perch on.

Julian, Lucio, and Portia, on the other hand, are already starting to stress me out.

"Where's the fire?!" Portia's voice echoes from inside my oven, one hand braced dangerously close to the knob that would make the fire she's searching for appear - right under her nose.

"I'll show you how it works after I show you how I make my dough - Julian, your diet is too poor for me to explain what those are."

The doctor glances guiltily over from where he's been examining the selection of instant noodles on top of my fridge. Of course it's the first thing he'd notice, being so damned tall. "Can you blame me? These have pictures of soup on them, but they feel crunchy! Why do they feel crunchy?" He widens his eyes, crunching a packet in one gloved fist for emphasis and I wince.

"I -"

"Why do you have winter in a box? I hate winter!"

"Close the fridge, Lucio."

"Fridge? As in frigid?" Nadia watches her ex-husband's antics with poorly concealed amusement. "How innovative. This eradicates the need for a cellar."

"What kind of magic does it run on?" Asra's question is innocent, but the way they're eyeing the mechanics of my freezer with a curious gleam is anything but.

"Not a type that you're familiar with, so can we please focus on why you're here?" I don't know what it is about my tone that gets my point across, but it works. I stoop to retrieve my bread bowl and set it on my counter. "So, uh -"

Having six pairs of eyes on me at once (seven pairs, if I count the cat) is not a sensation I think I can get used to. I get several encouraging smiles and take a deep breath. These are my friends. They're all sitting with me because they like being here. This is fun. I love them.

"Uh, so, first, I put some hot water in my bowl." I turn on the kitchen tap to 'hot' and immediately take everything back.

"What -"

"What is that?!"

"That does not look natural."

"You can decide the temperature?!"

"Is it safe?"

"How does that work?"

I shut the tap off. For the first time since I ushered them through the door, the apartment is silent. The cat gives me an unimpressed yawn and curls up on Muriel's shoulder for a nap.

"Okay," I run my fingers through my hair, "Okay, let's try this again. This is a water source, in my apartment, that I control the temperature of. The point is not that I have water, the point is that I need hot water to start my dough."

"We have something similar in the Palace," Nadia muses, "though so far its use is limited to drawing the baths and running the fountains. I've been thinking of expanding the network using the aqueducts, but it had not occurred to me to adjust the temperature of the water as it runs through the system."

"U-um, yeah." I nod, hastily measuring the liquid into my bowl. I hope the butterfly effect from this isn't catastrophic. "Anyways, we need oil, honey, and salt next."

I hand different containers to my different guests, giving the salt to Lucio as I expect it to be the least messy ingredient involved. Portia's quick to wave me off when I offer her a measuring cup. "Oh, I'm just watching. I need both hands free to take notes." She's got an old envelope in one hand and a pencil in the other. I nod and move on.

Putting the dough together is fairly straightforward. Besides Julian calling himself a slippery boy, Lucio howling with laughter when I explain the function of yeast, and Nadia sneaking little tastes of honey from the measuring cup, getting to the point of adding flour is fairly event-less. That is, until it's time to add the flour.

I know they can cook, but I'm quickly finding out that Asra might not have any experience baking. Before I can warn him, he's haphazardly tossing a cupful of flour into the mixing bowl, causing the powdery substance to explode all over the counter, the ingredients, and ourselves. There's a moment of stunned silence before Portia reaches over and rumples their curls, raising a second floury cloud from their hair. She giggles. "It just blends right in, doesn't it?"

There's no question in my mind when it comes to who has the best hand and arm strength for kneading. The question is whether he's willing to part with my cat for long enough to do so. Taiga is thoroughly enamored with her preheated napping tree.

"I'd take her, but I'm still writing my notes." Portia looks ready to cry from frustration. Nadia, always quick to smooth things over, reaches up and begins to lift the furball down.

"I'll hold her. She seems very sweet -"

The tiny, annoyed 'mew' the cat makes as she's lifted down is enough to capture the guests' attention. Muriel takes advantage of the distraction to get a headstart on kneading the dough, his massive hands getting the job done in half the time it usually takes me. I should invite him over to help out more often ...

"She SMACKED me!"

"What do you expect if you try to touch a cat right after they hiss at you?"

When I look over again, Taiga is crouching in Nadia's lap with her tail bushed out, letting out low warning yowls in Lucio's direction. Julian is busy trying to get both of the offended parties to calm down, while Asra sneaks her treats with a proud look on their face. I narrow my eyes. When did he pull those out of my cupboard?

"Now what?"

"Hm?"

When I look back at our project, Muriel is standing over the bowl with both hands slathered in dough and the beginnings of an embarrassed pout on his face. "... I can't get it off."

"Oh gosh - let me help with that. Sorry, this recipe is really sticky ..."

Lucio materializes at my other elbow as I work the dough off of Muriel's hands. "I'm tasting this now."

Before I can protest, he's scooped some out with his finger and already has a chunk in his mouth. For half a moment I consider bapping his hand much like my cat did a few minutes ago, but I let it slide. A little raw flour never hurt anyone ... right?

"I hate to be bothersome, but ah ..." Julian is still standing in the middle of the kitchen, swaying slightly on his feet. "I'm afraid I forgot to eat, and I'm beginning to suspect that bread takes longer than a half an hour to produce ..."

"Honestly, Ilya, why would you do that?"

Julian stares down wide-eyed at his sister, comically intimidated by someone half his size. "I was ... busy."

"Busy since when?" Portia's eyes narrow as she presses her brother to confess the full extent of his sins. "Speak."

"Er - yesterday?"

"You bastard!"

"Okay!" I jump in. "It's going to take another hour and a half, so ... how about we eat?"

Lucio and Asra both look mildly disappointed when I cut off their brewing entertainment. Nadia looks generally concerned. "We'd hate to impose on you. I fear we've already caused enough trouble."

"It's not troublesome," I tell her as I reach for the top of my fridge, "instant noodles are easy."

"I though you said my diet was too poor to learn about these." I swear Julian's eyebrows get bushier with excitement as I set my electric kettle to boil.

"I underestimated you."

... he looks way too self-satisfied with that.

By the time the bread has risen, been shaped, risen again, been baked, and cooled enough to slice up and send home, my guests have made themselves perfectly comfortable. Portia has raided my wardrobe and tried on every cosplay I still own. Nadia has gone through all my chopsticks and arranged them by pairs. Muriel has given Taiga so many scritches that I think she's imprinted on him. Julian has smuggled at least seven instant noodle packets into his coat and grilled me about every item in my medicine cabinet. Lucio has tested out every single makeup product leftover from said cosplay days (I don't know how to tell him that it's all expired and should probably be thrown out). Asra has somehow managed to innocently unearth all the embarrassing things I own before taking a catnap in my bed.

"And that's how I make my bread," I tell them. The six are standing at my door again, each holding half a loaf to take home. "Any questions before I take you back?"

"Can I have some jam for this?" Lucio's already tucking into his piece, speaking around a large chunk in his mouth. "It's kinda dry without it."

"I'm sure you'll be able to procure some upon our arrival." Nadia is somehow making a wrapped half-loaf look like a ballgown accessory with how elegantly she's holding it. "I worry that we may have overtaxed our host."

"Not at all," I tell them, and I mean it. Whatever grey hairs I've gotten from this are far outweighed by how happy I was to spend time with them. "Let me know if you ever want more. Maybe next time we could watch a movie."

"What's a moo-fee?"

"Never mind!" I yelp, "Let's head out, I'm sure you're more than ready to be back in your world, let me just make sure the cat doesn't try to follow us -"

The cat is, indeed, trying to follow us. She gives Muriel's shoulder and Asra's treat-filled pocket a forlorn look as I gently scoot her away from the door. Wait -

"Give those back!"

"Never!"

[66sharkteeth]

Weekly thoughts- Ep 181

omg almost forgot about this one. been REALLY preoccupied w/ some IRL stuff the past two weeks and for once in my life, CoB's really been on the back burner in my brain.

tbh, it's been a really stressful time for me, which is why this episode and everyone's response to it was kind of a major highlight of the week for me haha. the comments on this ep were some of the funniest i've read in a while and i'm so glad. this was such a fun episode, probably my fav in a while, and i'm glad everyone else had fun with it too. ik it wasn't one of the biggest episode and the numbers reflect that, but those who did engage clearly had fun too. please keep all the failed stealth mission comments coming.

i will say this episode was a BITCH to draw, but i really like the pay off of it. like i said last week, lyss and nia is one of the most fun dynamics to write and i also noticed a few people picked up on what i was laying down with them hehehe.

i've def seen some lyss x nia emerging since this ep and........yeah i won't lie, i had fun this episode pointing in that direction. i will be honest tho, to not get your hopes up too high for like...some huge romance for them or anything. honestly the ship never occurred to me until writing these eps and i've already kind of got the remainder of the story planned out. i don't really believe in putting two characters together (canonly) without building their relationship, and i'm not sure if they'll get the time to do that like we've had with rex x bell or claude x jericho. but that said... oh yeah, i was totally shipping them this episode because i think they'd be super cute lol. head canon whatever you want.

[rontra]

some more failteacher yuri asks... go here. go in the roundup ❤

princedetectives asked:

the failteacher yuri comics youve been making are so so great i love lesbianism so much. genuinely its really impressive the quality of it and the storyline youve set up <- just realized ive been anticipating the next comics like a weekly manga or something

HELP that's funny i'm flattered you're so invested!!! the season's hottest ongoing 😭 i love lesbianism too god bless us all . thank you!!

cuddlebearable asked:

"what are lesbians into" with the fucking focused-ass look on her face fucking killed me it is so funny and the "good luck with that" really nails it down oh my god thank you so much for sharing these failgirl lesbians with us

Anonymous asked:

every time I read a new chapter of failteacher yuri I whoop and holler so loud the earth beneath me rumbles. thank you so much for the comic, your art and humour and writing are immaculate

YOU GUYS ARE SO SWEET!!!! HFHBG THANK YOU... i'm happy you think its funny 🥰 no matter how many Taking It Seriously episodes we have...there will always be silly women getting into Situations<3

Anonymous asked:

I just want to say that you’re a fucking genius. I think failteacher yuri might be the greatest invention ever created. Thank you for bringing this to us <3

i guarantee someone else has had the idea that they should kiss before me but it is my honor to flood their tags with my gray ass canvases 🫡 thank you for reading!

aokozaki asked:

Timeline Divergence occurs when Miss Toriumi requests Becky on the same night that would've been Operation Maidwatch. Joker, Mishima, and Ryuji get some other maid who immediately notices they're underage and calls it off > Joker never sees her again because there's no chance encounter helping them out at school > They never make a "deal" forming a Confidant > The role of Temperance Arcana will be played by that one student who sits behind Joker and doesn't mention the cat or lockpicks or sleeping in class "Look man, I'm not gonna ask" (← virtues of temperance and grace)

👆 this is pretty much the exact handwave going on here yeah. ASSUMING the plot of p5 is even happening in the background ofc (???) <- has no plans to address this

but if it is, yeah pretty much the paths just coincidentally never intersect due to Hermit Meddling. i cant believe ms toriumi from p3 intercepted our confidant 😭 I LOVE THE STUDENT BEHIND YOU GAG THOUGH THATS SO FUNNY HDFHJBGKJM MINDING MY OWN FUCKING BUSINESS #TEMPERANCE #BALANCE #MODERATION #HARMONY

"this is the computer. you're not getting that" (kawakami voice) its so fucking over

[saberamane]

So I haven't put too many of my thoughts on Valhalla out, aside from my frustration on the anomalies, so heres some things I've liked so far, found, or otherwise want to comment on.

First off, I have to mention some 'false advertising' I've noticed. In the store section there's a 'weekly free gift' thing. This is wrong, it's more of a free gift every 7 days you start up the game. I played yesterday, the first time in well over a week, and it said I still had 2 days until I could collect my weekly gift. So 'weekly gift' is not accurate.

I really like the standing stone things, they're pretty cool. The cairns have been a bit problematic in some aspects, but not too bad.

I finished all the beast hunts. They were all cool and interesting, but I have to say I was a bit disappointed about the 3 wolves one. Only 1 head is mounted in the long house. It would have been better imo if all 3 wolves were included.

The black shuck was awesome. I wish there was more English folk legends included in the hunts and not just oversized local wildlife.

The mystery things are usually cool, I just wish they acted more like mini missions and had general goal markers and not just 'look around the large oak tree' told to me by a note or person.

The raids are pretty fun, just wish there wasn't so many things to upgrade that I need so much exotic supplies for.

Fuck those skull curse things. In general they're fine, but the fact that your movement and sight gets impaired is annoying. You want me to solve how to find and destroy this skull thing while it's hard to see and move? Not fun.

I wish the horses had more variety that's not part of a set locked behind money. You get black, graying (the dark dappled one), a dark brown, brown/white paint, and a white horse with black mane and tail. Where are the gold horses? No buckskin, palomino, cremello, pearlino. At the very least buckskin is naturally occurring in wild horses and should be available, right? And don't get me started on the Roan coats.

So yeah, horse variety for free is not great. There are plenty of raven ones though and I really like them.

Now, something I've noticed in game that makes me believe that female Eivor is the 'canon' choice:

For one, I've noticed at least twice where, while playing as male Eivor, an NPC referred to Eivor as 'she' or 'her', and this is during main story requests.

During a recent story quest where I'm helping the alderman reunite with a childhood sweetheart and getting his wife back to france, you request the help of a 17 y/o Dane named Rollo. During most 9f the quests with him, he is shown as being about Eivor's height, maybe a small bit shorter. The very last cutscene shows Rollo as suddenly being a lot taller than Eivor.

This has happened several times. In game Eivor is on par or slightly taller than those around him, but in cutscenes he is suddenly MUCH shorter. This is both annoying because it's inconsistent, but also seems like the development was rushed or people just didn't care about this detail.

But also, if Eivor is supposed to be Odin reborn, why would he be so short? Even if you played female Eivor, they should be taller than average. Kassandra was noticeably taller than pretty much everyone she met, and when I did the mission where you run into Kassandra, Eivor is was not shorter than her. Thisnlack of attention to detail is just... bad.

Ok, rant over. Overall liking the game. Sigurd has been a dick on screen so far, but I blame Basim for that. Just found out Sigurd had his arm cut off, oof.

(Forgot to add, I loved the hidden ones bureaus, very cool. And if someone knows if Reda is in Mirage, without spoilers, I'd love to know. I'm surprised he's still alive AND a child. Is this ever explained ?)