#'we could go to a play' maybe
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messing around with magnet words again
#mine#magnet poetry#i want to do a whole conversation between these 2 characters i just invented#it's fun to play with the different voices. for whatever reason this pack of words has a billion flowery ones#to the point that it can be hard to work around#but the fact that you always need SOME basic words means i can also do the other voice#just have to get creative with what they say#'do you like me' 'my car is here' 'we could go'#im missing 'do you' and 'could' rn tho#i guess i could also do 'i like you' or 'let's go' if i found the words for those. hmmmm#'we could go to a play' maybe#the board is too small to have all the words out so im missing some very basic ones and it's frustrating#someday when i have more space im going to have a whole big magnet board up on the wall for magnet words#and there will be lots of space for poems#i like messing with them it's very relaxing
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A new challenger approaches (slowly)
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#wen chao#jin zixuan#jiang cheng#lan wangji#tulu xuanwu#Wen Chao's turtlephobia starts now. I wonder if that's ever going to come back into play?#Slight re-ordering of events for the funny punchlines but we're close to getting back on track.#The mianmian stuff happening right after we also have a Torment Tortoise looking for blood makes this scene so chaotic.#A good kind of chaos as it is supposed to be overwhelming and anxiety inducing!#I have been sitting on the idea of the Beast being just a normal turtle with a knife for ages. Years in fact.#It's stupid as hell but that's sometimes what art is. Indulging the past you who would have loved to see the dumb thing be drawn.#Making it canon now that A-Qing's turtle (the one pd-Lan Sizhui found) is a descendant of this turtle.#Maybe she was so defensive because she has eggs she was watching over! How insensitive of these cultivators!#You can insert your own choice of boss music here - I did not grow up playing video games so I have nothing off the top of my head.#I am making a BOTW reference here so you could substitute one of those themes but I find them more melancholic than menacing.
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Another mechlink. Now, we need to decide whether to use it for a third identical Jones Mechanitor or give it to Ivy or Alistair... It's a tough choice.
We'll leave it alone for now and come back if we think we need it.
Arwell sent us WHAT??

I knew that Smutty Fanfic mod would amuse me one day!!
Speaking of the child in the house...
It's her birthday! She's reached double digits!!

She's going to be smart like her uncles, and Henry the fleshwhip has helped her gain an interest in melee (with some help from Jut). She's also going to be our resident artist, I think. She is nearsighted, which will help with melee combat apparently, but will make her a pretty rubbish shot.
It also means she needs a new haircut!

Okay but tween Ivy with the lil' glasses is so cute I think I'm going to cry just LOOK AT HER
This birthday has distracted me from getting the Jones boys knighted. Next time for sure!!
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#rimworld#gracie plays#A Mechanitor's Message#art#my art#traditional art#rimworld art#unpolished art#slightly more polished art than usual#A third mechlink! Huzzah!#Maybe when they get knighted I should start the Jones twins towards getting the “resurrect�� psycast#so we can have our triplet at last#and give him a mechlink#or just grab it and hand it to Al or Ivy#or Jut or XiaoLiang or Flapjack or Melissa#someone#we'll see#The way I choked on my drink when I saw that Arwell sent us smut#Made me cackle like a mad scientist#I like to imagine it's XiaoLiang's shit attempt at flirting with the Jones boys#(it did not work)#that or it was a poorly-thought-out birthday gift for Ivy#that's a concerning thought#ah well#I'm sad that she's growing up so fast but delighted at how frickin' adorable she is#her lil' glasses 😭#I love her sm#this playthrough did NOT go the way I expected it to and I could not be more pleased#anyway#have a lovely day everyone! <3 <3 <3
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perhaps my most #cancelable videogame take i can post on this website is i think that the kind of people who say that anyone who picks the "morally wrong" or "mean" options in video game dialogue should, as a player, feel bad about their own choices/morals in real life. is that those people are just another flavor of the kind of dudes who play Disco Elysium and get mad for not being rewarded for picking the facist options. both of these groups are reducing games to "a thing I want to agree with me and everyone else who doesn't either suffers or does not have the option to play a character who behaves otherwise" rather than "a medium where you get to (or even Have to) explore different kinds of characters in order to experience the full depth of the story and characters in it."
When I want to pick options in a game that are mean, negative, arrogant, or ignorant, it's because I want to explore what would push a character into becoming that kind of person. Sometimes I want to see how the NPC characters who I-The-Player like/agree with react to someone who is fundamentally different from them. I think it's GOOD actually when the narrative allows you to push limits and especially when it has the option to then punish you for it in some way, such as losing options/routes later on, or companions straight up abandoning you for your choices. It DOES often make me deeply, viscerally uncomfortable to make choices in a game that are so counter to my own, but it means I get to experience that discomfort in an isolated environment and also think about what it means, what would push the character or even yes a real person into actually feeling those things. And I get to play with what ways the narrative could challenge them/make them grow over the course of the game--or on the other side, it can let me make a character who does start off more open/accepting but let the events of the narrative push them into being more reactively closed-minded instead.
I like that we have invented a medium where you can play a game multiple times and experience it differently depending on the character you play as. Books and TV and movies are all static--the greatest draw of games to me is the ones that are responsive, that can tell a slightly different story every time--when other characters in the game respond differently to you because of it, or some paths open up and others don't. And so yes it did disappointment me when a franchise that previously had these elements, Dragon Age, did not include them in the most recent installment. I don't think games should have options where you get to just hit a button to say something racist with no consequences or exploration into why a character would do that. but like, if i can only ever play a game as an upstanding person who is morally right all the time in basically the same flavor for every dialogue. I only get to truly play that game Once, you know? And I only get to see the way the companions react to someone they like and trust. And never really go deeper than that.
So like... I just sit and think about the scenes you can get in Inquisition. with Cassandra breaking down, because she fears she placed a would-be tyrant at the head of a powerful organization--that she searched and searched and chose wrong. Of Varric who is desperate to convince you not to become a monster, like the last person he feels betrayed him. Vivienne intentionally pissing you off because she wants to see how far you'll go when angered, how much she has to worry about your reactions. They say so much about the companions, what they fear most, and where they will draw the line. And especially in Inquisition, at these crisis points--you don't have to double down. Your character can have a come-to-Andraste moment where they go "woah... is that really how people see me? is this what i want?" and I think that kind of option can do way more for encouraging actual players to examine the choices they make in stories, more than locking the player into supportive, non-aggressive options does.
now. do i think all games execute these flavors well? no. writers and devs will have their own biases and blind spots, even if they are otherwise well-intentioned. and I don't think the ends of the scale need to extend from "absolute angel" to "horrible bigot", because the real complexity of course lies in the middle. I am not asking for games to let me be bigoted at every turn, what I want is games that let me make the protagonist deeply flawed in one or more ways--fearfully closed-minded to things outside their upbringing, or afraid of change to the status quo, or who want to advance their own aims regardless of consequences to others. I actually agree that the game was correct not to include any options for disrespecting Taash and their personal journey for example, but I do wish... idk maybe that we could have had a scene where if for instance the player character avoided outside-world missions relating to clearing away blight, they could confront us on how this might devastate the natural world and its creatures like dragons, and push us into trying to resolve it. Or in the other direction, if you spend the (currently meaningless) time giving money to background NPCs begging in the cities, Neve could could have a special cutscene thanking you for your attention to people otherwise beneath notice. You know?
And of course not every game can do this, I can write those sentences up there that represent hundreds of hours of dev time, of course they can't do it all. But the prior games usually did have at least a little of this, and that was enough to make me really fall in love. I KNOW the tumultuous development cycle, restarts from scratch, interference from higher-ups all contributed to why Veilguard was unable to hit those same marks this time. And we probably won't ever know how much of the loss of options/reactivity was intention vs a side effect of these things. But I wish people wouldn't frame players who miss these aspects as insane/morally corrupt. When for most of us it's because we genuinely enjoy challenging and exploring these aspects of reality in fiction in a way entirely unlike what we actually support in real life. i fully acknowledge not everyone desires to play this way. and that's fine!!! i am glad people can enjoy doing a "good" run each time that brings them joy. but for me it really limits the potential bounds of my enjoyment i guess. I like media that is complicated and messy and makes me think, and extra so when I get to see how playing that way impacts the greater story around it.
#idk man. i need to stop writing the same damn post over and over i know. i just Keep Seeing That Shit Again you see#its my own failing. to think that 'but if you listen to me this time and see my perspective you'll finally Get It'#when like other ppl are just not interested in that. we simply come to games for different things#but seeing posts that say 'it says a LOT about a player who chooses x' well maybe it Doesn't Actually. reflect their real life at all#there are of course going to be bad actors everywhere. but instead of turning them into Boogymen and accusing each other#i wish that conversations could just be taken in good faith that Some People Desire Different Things#without having to somehow be bad people for disagreeing with you#veilguard critical#datv critical#dav critical#datv spoilers#da4 spoilers#ramblings#i don't Hate veilguard by any means. i enjoyed the game play and like many other aspects of it and i love the characters#i just wish we got to see more sides of them and who they could be when pushed to extremes#like we did the last games#'jade these thoughts belong in a DM with your besties not tumblr' well alas neither of them Wanted to play veilguard bc of the above#so here i am with nowhere else to go besides my personal tumblr ot get it out 😞#the worst thing a piece of media can be to me is Uninteresting. because at least something that's Nasty has something its trying to say
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for writing game, iwaizumi + assistance <3
hope this sparks some inspo and thank you in advancee
hi there!! thanks for sending in a prompt 🫶
contains: friends to lovers (ish), halloween parties, reader is dressed as catwoman, expletives, iwaizumi is thiiiiis 🤏 close to murdering seijoh4 (jk)
iwaizumi + assistance
this is a set-up.
iwaizumi knows he shouldn't have fucking believed anything the boys "promised" him back when they assigned him this costume.
the suit is fucking tight, spandex digging into his groins and all other crevices that definitely should be aired out after after a few hours. he's had to constantly readjust his stance almost every few minutes, the black fabric compressing his thighs and torso, significantly constricting the range of motion his shoulders and arms are typically used to. if anything else, it could double up as a back brace from how rigidly straight it's kept his posture all night.
he'll give it to makki though; he did outdo himself sourcing this year's costumes―this batman set looks pretty damn legit.
except for one tiny problem.
there's no fucking pee hole. it's a zip-up, zip-down one-piece situation. and that normally wouldn't be a problem, except that oikawa "accidentally" knocked over a cocktail straight into his pants, the sickeningly sweet liquid now seeping straight into the fabric and past his boxers―cold and sticky as it touches his skin.
and so, the problem: his pants are wet, it makes him want to fucking pee, and coincidentally, the only vacant bathroom is across the hall, at your apartment.
this is why he believes this is a set up. that, and the fact that you're dressed in an outfit strikingly similar―just with cat ears.
he's been asked five times in this party if you're in matching couple outfits.
it catches him off guard, flusters him because of how badly he wants to say yes. but, you're just friends, and he doesn't even think you like him that way (despite mattsun and oikawa practically begging him to confess. makki tells him he thinks you're going to do it first).
so he politely smiles and says no, but you look good, your costume clinging to you in all the right places. thank fucking god he has a cape because he's pretty sure he spent the first 30 minutes in the party hiding his boner.
"hajime, it's fine, i swear," you stand beside him in front of the conveniently locked bathroom in oikawa's apartment. from the other side of the door, he's pretty sure he hears mattsun and his girlfriend mumbling. maybe fucking? who knows. "you can just use the bathroom in my apartment."
he glances at you before closing his eyes, contemplating, before finally agreeing to you.
"okay."
if he's being honest with himself, friends is definitely an incomplete label to what you are. as oikawa's neighbor, you are conveniently around all the time; and oikawa being oikawa, the ever-social butterfly, he's somehow managed to carve a space for you in the friend group.
(never mind the fact that oikawa's sniffed him out from the moment he first introduced you.)
you were a crush, then a friend, and now you're someone he picks up from work and drives back home three times a week, because he "has to train oikawa." you don't question it, even when you both know he stays over for dinner way past the gym's open hours.
"you know where it is," you open your apartment and urge him in.
"sorry again," he turns to face you.
"yeah, yeah, just pee!" you laugh, shoving him towards the bathroom door.
getting out of the suit is manageable, and he's able to wipe off a bit of the cocktail that's leaked to the suit and his boxers just to make sure it isn't gross and sticky when he gets home later. peeing is a big relief once he gets it over with, but it's when he has to suit up again that things become difficult.
stretching out the spandex one body part at a time is a workout in itself―the hardest task being when he has to pull it over his shoulders, adjusting it to fit properly over his arms and chest.
but then the zipper breaks.
and he truly thinks makki has fucked him over.
iwaizumi contemplates what to do next for a good, good while. he tries calling oikawa, only to no success every time; no way in hell is he calling mattsun in the middle of having sex. and calling makki isn't even an option; he'd never hear the end of it.
then you knock on the door, your voice soft and concerned as you ask, "hajime? you good in there?" you hit it spot on, too, "do you need help with your suit?"
iwaizumi presses his palms to his eyes. he's a rational man, straightforward and logical in thinking. there is literally no other option for him right now but to ask help from you. again.
fuck.
.
it's 30 minutes later when oikawa barges in your door, and the sight that greets him is iwaizumi in nothing but a hoodie (the hoodie you borrowed some time ago) and his boxers, with his hands on your waist as you hover your hairdryer over the crotch of his batman costume―cat headpiece off and all.
"you finally got together?!"
#iwaizumi x reader#hq!! x reader#shotorus.workbook#omg i hope u enjoyed this!! i had fun thinking it up ehehe and writing it#in my mind this is set in the same universe as the halloween one i did for mattsun―actually its the same party HABFHBSF#some stuff about the fic: iwaizumi is hot in that costume i spared the details bc i was going to combust MYSELF#but it clings to his muscles REAAAAAAL good and there's really not a lot of padding in the costume itself#bc makki believes in iwaizumi's anatomy enough to deliver#what happened in between iwaizumi asking for help and oikawa barging in??? we may never know 🤷♀️ kidding !#i just didnt write it in bc it would be too long but#if anyone is curious maybe i'll write it as a separate thing!#other stuff abt the fic: reader became good friends with oikawa first bc neighbors but then oikawa admittedly wanted to play matchmaker#so he invited reader a ton to their group things so he could introduce em to iwaizumi HAHA and iwaizumi crushed hard#they become close pretty quickly too hence why reader calls him hajime HAHAH and they hang out even outside of the group#theres definitely something like they text a lot and stuff but neither of them are sure of how the other feels so they arent admitting#reader has borrowed a hoodie from him tho#(aka the one he's wearing in the blurb bc it's the only article of clothing that fits him in reader's apt)#also they figured they'd just kill time by drying iwaizumi's costume bc for sure they couldn't chuck it in the dryer so the next best thing#was to just use a dryer and spot dry it#makki did source most of the costumes! except mattsun's and his gf's#uhhh they go back to the party afterwards but reader literally had to makeshift lock iwaizumi's costume with safety pins HAHA#i guess his muscles just be too popping 🤷♀️#fvntybomb#ask#rep#ask game answered
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i really love my friends
#had like. 10 people over tonight plus my housemates and it was. so nice#not everyone knew eachother but we all just chilled and ate food and played games and i . needed it#ive been. lonely lately. and it really felt like it was the first time in a while i could take my mind off things and relax#ive. been taking steps forward#i’m gonna take only four classes next semester I think. and get back into my hobbies and my solo art#im gonna try and go see live music more often and stuff like that#maybe go home on weekends more frequently#i am. going to try#i still cant believe how many friends i have#going to zero to 1 to like. so many has been quite the transition#im trying to be more outgoing
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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

-
(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )
#tumblr polls#hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today#still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual#They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully#it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec#fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since#I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm#ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos#or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things#I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming#over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY#I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb#e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about#different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see#stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I#can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone#said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects#the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm
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I am so glad that the kid spectrals have such normal and caring spirits who will definitely not physically endanger and/or cruelly betray them in the midst of their lives already being destroyed by cults, monsters, and interpersonal drama. It’s so cool and nice 👍
#paranatural#pnat spoilers#paranatural spoilers#*SHAKES THEM ALL* BE NICE TO YOUR KIDS?#Isabel doesn’t get an evil spirit partner but she does get all of her kind caring spirit partners forcibly taken from her#which she is subsequently scolded mocked and belittled for by a grown ass man. so she’s also not doing great over here#I also feel like these parallels(?) are maybe harsh towards some of them#catnine is just straight up shitty. pacts will almost certainly be shitty in the future but technically hasn’t done anything wrong YET#to max I mean. not in general. I side eye the sphinxes#muse and forge have the potential and motives to be shitty later but I personally doubt they will go as far as any of the others#and peekaboo. if I’m being honest. I don’t believe it genuinely has the capacity to fully understand that it is hurting/betraying Dimitri#like fully is just concerned with wanting a friend to play with and not being abandoned.#which obviously doesn’t mean that Dimitri WONT get hurt/betrayed further or that the hurt/betrayal is in any way less#we also do not know what’s up with Scrapdragon considering she is also currently incapable of experiencing complex thoughts lol#could be evil. could be cool. is currently just a big hungry and kind of irritated snake lady. which I love for her personally#I don’t remember if Scrapdragon has been given pronouns. just that max calls her girl. assigned lady snake by the protag.
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Im bad at writing coherent things but I need to get this concept out of my head so it stops haunting me.
I had this idea for another fic called The Undine Colony.
The setting would be the second colony by the sea- started when Sol is in their forties- the story taking place an unknown time after that.
It starts with the alarm that the original Stratospheric colony has gone silent. Collapsed all its networks, killed every signal, spirited away every colonist. As it still houses much of humanity's most advanced tech, like the servers for their holonet, essential parts of the power grid, this is an issue of extreme urgency.
And who better to turn to in their moment of need than Sol? So here they are suddenly jolted into wakefulness.
Their first thought is that they cannot feel their body. They quickly learn they are not in fact the real Sol, but only an AI copy made of their brain-scan from many decades ago. Though they cannot access the future vision as an ephemeral bit of software, they have superior computing on their side.
The gist of it being that AI Sol is now in charge of the 2nd colony to replace the hole left by Congruence, all while being tasked to figure out whats happening to the og colony & trying to reestablish contact. Aaand trying to piece together their own existence on top of it. Trying to find out what even happened to the original Sol. If they have something to do with this blackout.
So yeah, itd be slowly unfurling that mystery, piecing together the gap in their memory & issues of personhood.
#texted post#why yes I have played SOMA and it did irrevocable damage to my psychology#true pain is still being unsure if I should just spill the twists and resolutions or not#on the off chance I do end up attempting to write it after all...#bcus yes I do know whats happening uwu#and if sol is alive n what they have been up to#theres some very very fun revelations abt that in particular#also very much based on my fave greg egan stories#aka making a fucking digital copy of yourself to inhabit your smart tech#severence also has good shit like that...#torture yourself until you finally agree to live this subpar existence#one big downside to it is that itd p much be an all new cast#much of the og cast would be dead or very old and most likely stayed w the original colony#like I could maaybe get away w a middle aged nougat or smthn but thats not much to go on. n maybe some gardener contact...#getting a small dose of good feedback(even when its on an unrelated fic) sure does awful things 2 my brain like suddenly inspire me to want#to do more of it#i was a teenage exocolonist#if somebody wants to adopt this idea we can talk uwu
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you know it is hard to not feel for caterina a little in my worldstate. she loses sight of lucanis for a couple of months while her other grandson has her in jail for grandmother time-out, and by the time she sees him again he is in full undying devotion mode for the guy she sent to get him back. her grandson finally brought someone home, and it's a fairly low-level elven mortalitasi whose family background is 'idk we found this baby in a crypt and liked their vibes' who will not be giving her any biological grandchildren. not even one of the politically well-connected scheming mortalitasi, which could at least have been useful (nevarra is a bustling market for the crows! twenty contracts on the king alone and still going strong! still a payday baby let the good times roll!), but one of the dutybound earnest little freaks they keep down in the necropolis to wrangle skeletons and write esoteric papers and who frankly don't care that much about murder b/c death comes to us all in its own time anyway trust us on this one. lucanis looks at him like he hung the moon, the sun, every celestial object and glittering star in the sky, like he's the only real thing in the world. and in caterina vision she sees this weird little slip of a goth mage guy wearing too much kohl who cracks jokes at strange times and is so hard to read but also gives her the unmistakable flinty 'I'll try to keep this civil if you do the same. If.' eye contact over lucanis' shoulder sometimes, with the utter grave calm that only someone who's a speaker to the dead (and the dead are savage) and who has killed several gods and wouldn't back down from second deicide if necessary could bring to bear. she sucks and deserves this and more but she also does have a whole Situation on her hands here
(I love that rye's relationship to lucanis' family is basically 'I met some of the most insufferable people. but, they also met me'. he tangoed with the god of lies and betrayal so he could waltz his way through a dellamorte family dinner relatively unscathed)
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#caterina dellamorte#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#rook x lucanis#rookanis#(I like to think there is also a corner of her heart that goes 'oh.' as she realizes she's never seen lucanis happy before. not like.#in a way I think would change her decision making at all --#she DID feed five children and six grandchildren to the fire for the first talon seat. maybe age has mellowed her out enough#that she'll at least take it into consideration. hope is every man's prerogative. probably not tho right. but I like to think#that the recognition at least is there and maybe even some gratitude even though lucanis' happiness VERY clearly#is not caterina's guiding principle in any way shape or form. also do you *really* want to make an enemy of the veilguard#with their eluvian network and godslaying swag. I'm guessing she'll find ways to justify letting this one go#and play the hand she's been dealt here as best she can lol. you lose perfect control of your demon of a grandson#but hey we could expand the business into the fade itself if we play this one right. swings and roundabouts in this life.#you lose some two generations of family. you win new business opportunities. the hereditary house dellamorte grindset)
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has someone drawn lucanis x rook x spite as this one photo bc holy shit

#please it fits so well#im imagining it as rook - lucanis - spite but honestly. it could go literally any which way#bc these three are sososo entangled with different types of emotions keeping them back/pushing them together#also we need to talk about how spite and lucanis are into each other regardless of rook#rook just lit the spark#da#datv#rookanis#lucanis x rook#lucanis x spite#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#nett rambles#nett plays datv#i dont have a lucanismancer but maybe i should
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:( </3
#seattle kraken#kraken lb#yanni gourde#i could write a whole thing but i do not know if i can#it's silly because you know. it's business it's sport. this is how things go#but yanni really was such an important player for me as a new fan#the first player i ever got a jersey of the first player i ever had a signed item from the first player that was like. My Favorite Guy#maybe i can leave it to a funny story: my family knows how much i love him and i am the proud owner of 3 (three) yanni bobble heads#because they knew i loved him and gifted them to me and didn't realize i already had one i got myself#that's how much he meant to me in some way--there's more in his story and play style and leadership--although i won't be able to express it#all... thank you yanni we will love you forever </3#op
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“Nine would have treated Martha better than Ten did”
I need to talk about this argument that never seems to stop circulating.
Note: Not a venomous/anti post. There’s more than enough of that across fandom spaces as is, and this is supposed to be a place for ✨sweet, blissful escapism✨
When making this argument, people seem to envision a scenario in which Nine never met Rose.
While I can appreciate a good hypothetical, recognizing Rose's significance to the Doctor (Nine and Ten) is essential to understanding why things with Martha played out the way they did in the first place.
In the third series, the Doctor is grieving. This grief is deliberately threaded into nearly every script, whether spoken aloud or not (and these are just a few examples):





He's burning in Rose’s wake the entire time Martha travels with him, which is why it’s so frequently called upon: It’s 100% deliberate in framing his grief. He grieved as Nine too, of course— having been fresh on the heels of the Time War — but then he met Rose, which changed everything.
Back then, he was still a rude, traumatized pain in the ass, but we watch Rose soften more of those jagged edges with every episode as they grow closer; as he lets his guard down and forms a deep connection with her.
He falls in love (against his better judgment) and it's game over.
And yes: provided S1E1 had been titled 'Martha', one can realistically assume things might have unfolded similarly to how they did with Rose. However, it wouldn’t have been that way just because the Doctor was Nine and “Nine was different” — it would be because he wasn’t already in love with someone else. The same can't be said for the start of S3.
Think of it like this: if Rose AND Martha had been in that cellar — if Nine had taken both of them along with him in S1 — we’d eventually be looking at the most melodramatic love triangle ever, what with him living in close quarters with two brilliant, gorgeous, compassionate young women... But Doctor Who is plenty “soap opera” as is with just one woman in the TARDIS.
(I certainly wouldn’t object to reading that fic, though)
Now, regarding the unrequited elephant in the room…
His inability to be romantic with Martha isn’t because he thinks her lesser, nor is it for lack of compatibility. It isn't because Rose is any better than her. It certainly isn’t just because he’s Ten.
It’s really only for one reason, which can't be denied — and now I’m a broken record:
He is still in love with Rose.

(cut from a tenrosedaily gif)
Nine is Ten, and Ten is only such a mess in S3 because he’s just lost the love of his life. Martha merely got caught in the crosshairs of a volatile Time Lord in mourning, and yes — it sucks. Absolutely.
But it also feels dismissive to chalk Ten and Martha’s relationship up to little more than some sort of mindless dance of pining, jealousy, and toxicity.
Ten trusted Martha with his life over and over again — and hers, with him. He constantly praised her brilliance, happily carting her around time and space with no intention of letting her go. In the BBC’s extended universe of novels/comics/cartoons/etc, there’s so much depth to their relationship: love and trust and trauma and sacrifice. They had their own special bond as mates, their own complexities — so it’s a bummer that it's forever overshadowed by the other things.
I’m not denying that there was a lot of stuff that sucked/was for sure toxic about Ten's S3 behavior, but so many of the things I've seen him catching flak for can be directly attributed to being A Clueless Fucking Alien Idiot (not a trait that’s unique to Ten) — as well as his flat-out obliviousness to Martha’s feelings.
So yes, I agree: if Rose never existed, he would have treated Martha differently as Nine. He also would have treated her differently as Ten. Certainly.
But Rose did exist, and when discussing canon, it matters.
“He tells me that he absolutely, 100% loves Rose... He tells me how my daughter; my wonderful, beautiful, clever little girl saved him from himself before… And he says that’s all because of me! I made her into the Rose Tyler that saved him.”
-Jackie Tyler, Flight Into Hull!
Martha got the short end of the stick in S3. She came round at the wrong place and time, but that doesn't mean it was all bad. It doesn't mean the Doctor didn’t adore her. It certainly doesn't mean the time they spent together was wasted or worthless. They were brilliant!
Sure, he could be a twat, but let it be known that he was a twat with Rose as well, both as Nine and Ten. I’m sure Tentoo can be plenty infuriating, too. So while I'll defend Ten (and Tentoo) into the ground forever and ever and ever, I'll concede that he's fucked up.
The Doctor is a certified Pain In The Ass. It’s one of the things I love so much about this character — dynamics.
But never forget that Martha was goddamn tough as nails and overcame every bit of it. She moved on with her life, and the Doctor moved on with his. One can only pray that, when they inevitably drag her back onto the show (which feels inevitable if I'm honest), we see at once that she's been living her best life for all these years.
#I'm paranoid af about posting this but also feel like maybe two people will read it so perhaps I'm safe#doctor who#tenth doctor#ninth doctor#rose tyler#martha jones#baby's first meta#dw meta#I hope this wasn't just a mess of discombobulated stream-of-consciousness chatter#try as I may to avoid it#I'm somehow still aware of the sea of bad fandom vibes surrounding almost every character mentioned#besides Nine - who for some reason seems to be above reproach#there's a painful absence of civil discourse#especially where shipping is concerned#but let me tell you#I've vibed with T/M people about T/R and T/R people about T/M and it is a beautiful thing#I wish we could all just get along#also I've got so many more thoughts about this topic#like an embarrassingly long list of thoughts#I tried to scale it down as best I could while also being as inoffensive as possible#gonna crawl back under my rock now#also you should all go read Peacemaker#best DW novel since the Stone Rose#belated tag added way after the fact but:#for some reason I’ve yielded so much hate mail since originally posting this#because I suppose some people have only cottoned on to my enjoyment of T/M#but please note that I’ve been writing my T/M series since 2022#it’s had no bearing whatsoever on my love of T/R+T2/R aka the OTP of all time#but I’m also a grown-ass woman in my thirties and we are all playing with dolls here#I just wanna spread love and write smut and I do this for fun so if you can’t be nice - then I don’t want you reading anyway
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I think self shippers are allowed to have complicated-ass relationships with their F/Os, like yeah we love the lovey-dovey sweet flustering stuff, but also some of us go nuts for a good case of
‘we want to and probably have practically strangled each other but also you’re my soulmate and fate has intrinsically tied us together and I would protect you and fight for you in any given universe but also you’re an actual dumbass and I will tell you so and if we ever go down it’s going to be by the others hand’
Or other related variations, I think it’s great to go hogwild and not all F/O relationships stop at Romantic or Platonic or Familial, the dynamics are endless and can be so fun to play with and navigate
#maybe I’m just really obsessed with the yearning/slow burn/self-fulfilling tragedy/mutual bond for better or for worse#but it really boils down to. there is love there. there has always been love here. and we both have to live with this#also the dynamics you can up with are like. playing 52 card pickup with fanfic tags#it’s FUN and works with most genres of ship situations. angst tragedy comedy romcom enemies to lovers lovers to exs to enemies#it’s also fantastic for aus but also tends to happen with fos you’ve had for a while or that are on the edge of definable#ALSO fos that deal with like the multiverse/multiple timelines !!#cats chatterbox#52 tag pickup seems like a fun self ship ask game but I dunno how it’d work but if someone wants to do that go for it! could be fun ehehehe#self ship#self shipping community#self ship community#self ship stuff#is this anything. do y’all hear me
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i have seen a lot of posts about lucanis & illario lately, that specifically call out that some of the things Lucanis says about him are kinda mean. usually in context of 'yes what illario did was fucked up but they BOTH went thru the fucked up training and lucanis says shit to him too' etc etc. and i'll be honest as someone who does have a contentious/estranged/very-low-contact sibling relationship. everything lucanis said came off as super mild to me and they should both be WAY nastier to each other actually. yes even when you include their dynamic in wigmaker job which was both more lighthearted And heartfelt. but like if you want realism they should be going from that to 1 minute later annoyed enough to break out the super cutting remarks dragging up the worst things the other has ever done/said, specifically becuause they know it will hurt the other most. then i would believe it more tbh.
#idk just personal late night musing as i fail to Sleep#i know the idea of those posts is ''both of them are kinda fucked so why does illario get all the blame (besides caterina)''#well illario tried to have him Killed and frankly i am astounded lucanis keeps it to simply 'its easy to look good next to him'#and 'could you?' or whatver that other one on the roofs is#yes even for CROWS the assassin group and all#idk man. if my sibling and i are in each others presence for more than a couple hours at family things i literally have to go punch walls#maybe if we got to see lucanis & illario actually have it out i would feel more ways about it with everyone else#but i'll be honest it came off to me as just pretty bland#been trying to mentally get more into illario bc he's all over my dash these days but i only see meta about how he could be Healed#and nothing bout how they should say the worst things in the world to each other and then deck it out. which is what i would like to see#so alas#ramblings#jade plays dav#lucanisposting#lucanis dellamorte#illario dellamorte#dragon age: veilgaurd#datv spoilers#da4 spoilers#idk i just cant get worked up about lucanis' lines like that. they're so toned down. compared to what i am used to in Real Life lol#i do think the writers tried!! i just think it’s uhhhhh one of those dynamics that is really hard to capture unless you’ve Experienced it#i just think the lines we hear in game would be Nothing to illario compared to what they have assuredly already shouted at eaxh other in the#past
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Thoughts on Bertha Russell (Many Thoughts)
I am So curious about Bertha Russell's backstory. We have little snippets:
Her father was a potato farmer.
She has lots of mommy issues. (George mentions her mother said she was the only child "worthy of her dreams" to which Bertha angrily responds that her mother's dreams were worthless because she died with nothing which is A Lot)
She has sibling issues. (George offers to invite her sister to a thing and she refuses)
She and George met when they were both poor, they made the fortune together.
She had a distinct learning curve when they first got to New York. She bought The Wrong House and made The Wrong Friends and had to learn and relearn things over a period of years. (I am especially interested about this time, because she would know Nothing, being the ultimate outsider, but she is a tactical genius and viciously ambitious...I want to see young!Bertha in the early stages of the struggle before she knows how to dress/talk/act).
I hope we will learn more about her because more than any of the other characters she wants things. Things that are nebulous, but she doesn't seem to realize are nebulous, because she has clear goals but they don't satisfy her so she has to make another goal. Loving husband doing well? Not enough. They have enough money to hear the call of the guillotine? It's not enough, they need status. They have status? Not enough, they need to beat Lina Astor. Now they've beaten Lina Astor, but I don't think anyone thinks that's going to be enough. George points out multiple times that he is content where he is and content to let their children marry for love to people of what Bertha considers middling station. She's the sole driving force for continued social climbing. And it doesn't matter how high they get, she wants to go higher, she wants to go "all the way" but there isn't an all the way unless I guess you're Empress of the World. But then the moon starts looking awfully conquerable.
She claims she's doing it for their children, but both children have said her suggestions aren't what they want. And it is heavily implied she just sold her only daughter to the Duke so he would attend an opera performance. She wants Gladys to marry the Duke so that she will be grandmother to English nobility. It's for her. So she is willing to use her children, her alleged motivation, as pawns. They aren't her real motivation after all, even if she may think they are. I do think she loves her children and George. I also think that she thinks she's helping Gladys, but I also think there's a limit to that love because it exists beside the yawning void of hunger within her psyche. George outright asks her if his love for her is enough to make her happy early in s1, because her love is enough for him. She says it's "almost enough" and that's significant and enough for him, which is telling, when usually any answer other than "yes of course" would be taken by a love interest as a searing betrayal. Anyway, the point is, her kids/her family are, at least, not her entire motivation and might not factor into her motivation at all, if she is fully honest with herself.
So, the hunger. The call to Rise. The rage that has her hyperventilating in bed alone after her failed party instead of crying in her husband's arms like most television characters would do. The instinct to look upon a room of people and think you will all bow to me you sniveling mortals. Why is it there? Like...why is she Like This? I think some of it has to come from what we can learn just from George's comment about impossibly ambitious, ruthless, low empathy Bertha being the only one "worthy of her mother's dreams." Which means her mother had dreams that were very important to her and that she never achieved. Her mother also guarded said dreams and judged her children harshly, we know Bertha has at least one sister, who is apparently judged not worthy in the eyes of her own mother. We know Bertha does not like talking about this and tries to dismiss it. Was there pressure on Bertha to be worthy? When could that have started and how did it manifest? Circling back to my interest in young!Bertha in NY, if the social rejection was bad in s1, it was probably worse then, and constant social failures would have made her angrier and more determined to both to become the queen of New York society and to see it burn. This is all stuff I want to learn more about in season 3.
HERE IS WHERE I PRETTY MUCH JUST DO PREDICTIONS (WHICH MAY BE TINFOIL, IDK):
Because I think we will finally get to see Bertha Russell: Season Villain. Every season needs a villain, and Bertha has pretty much vanquished all of them. The first couple seasons the overarching villain has been New York Society with its inequalities and pointless social cruelty, if that holds, Bertha is now the head of that system, having beaten Lina Astor and set herself up as the queen. Additionally, side opponents (not really villains) like Agnes also aren't in a position to make major problems for the protagonists because the Van Rhijn household is now the Forte household and cinnamon roll Ada is now in charge. Unless Agnes attempts to usurp her sister in a subplot (which I don't think will happen except for maybe one episode of hijinx) she's not in a powerful spot. The Society character is indisputably Bertha. And Bertha has been up to some serious villain shit. If she did agree to marry Gladys to the Duke, she's now against All the Protagonists---a sure sign of villain status. She's even against her husband, who swore to back Gladys in her choice of love match, and Gladys doesn't like the Duke. If Gladys wants out, Larry will almost certainly help her. And Saint Marian will help Larry either for love reasons or moral reasons, and hopefully Peggy has better things to do but she will probably get dragged into it somehow and if Marian's involved Ada's also involved and you see where this is going.
Also, show pacing wise, Bertha is due for a loss. I love her and I want her to win everything and be declared Empress of Earth and Moon but realistically that isn't going to happen. In a show where villains lose, it checks out. Gladys isn't going to marry the Duke, and if she does, everyone is going to regret it. One reason I think we will learn more about Bertha and her history is because if she loses she's going to Lose It. Dramatic monologue style. When she had a party and no one came she swore eternal vengeance and spent the night Angry Breathing and presumably fantasizing about the Red Wedding. She doesn't handle losing well. A big public loss after achieving every status symbol she could think of would probably break her mind, and she'll probably tell whoever she's talking to (probably George) enough backstory info that we the audience can fill in stuff. This is also where I would guess she and George would reconcile where he would see she is the person he loves and has not transformed into an automaton, she's just Messed Up, which he always knew and loved so he is Back In.
IN CONCLUSION:
This is who Marina was writing about. She is a primadonna girl, and all she ever wanted was the world. She cannot help that she needs it all, in this case the primadonna life: both the rise and the fall. She also knows exactly what she wants and who she wants to be. This is why she walks and talks like a machine. Unfortunately, she is becoming a self-fulfilled prophecy.
Oh, oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh.
#bertha russell#the gilded age#tga#character analysis#meta analysis#I love my girl#but she is a complete disaster waiting to happen#I was watching that bit of season 2 like “Bertha my darling you are Icarus stop being Icarus”#But she literally Cannot Stop#I do not think she's capable#like someone could lay out for her why everything she's doing is a horrible idea for everyone and she couldn't change it#She just has to Keep Going#That instinct for More cannot be satiated#Unfortunately she is over a century too early for good enough therapy#So she's going to crash hard#Probably in s3 but maybe in s4#I want to know her backstory so bad you don't understand#Because she simultaneously hates everyone she talks to and desperately wants to prove herself to them#Like she wants to kill them so they'll be impressed at how well she's killing them#My tragic evil darling I love you so much#Anyway I'm excited for her to come under real scrutiny in s3#Because through putting blorbo in more intense situations we can see what combinations of mental illness and trauma is going on over there#Because there is definitely something#Also I'm like 70% sure Aurora has a crush on her which is a big mood#Bertha seems like the kind of person where she and Aurora are getting drunk while the men are drinking Porte or whatever tf#and Bertha smiles and leans closer and Aurora is like gay panicking like “....is this it...would she be mad if I...kissed her...”#and then Bertha goes “on good days like today when I drink enough of this- the void is quiet and I actually feel peaceful” *drunk giggle*#and Aurora is like “....wtf” and then decides it isn't a turn off and resigns herself to another night of gay yearning#I do ship Bertha and George though which makes my shipping complicated#every time they have a scene together the Doofenshmirtz “Evil Love” song plays in my head
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