#'stinky trash bastard man'

[moonlit-escape]

Garroth, holding up Gene by the arms: stinky

Dante: no!! don't be mean!!!

Garroth, swaying him back and forth: stinky bastard man

Dante: No!!!!!!!!

Laurance, not looking up from chopping veggies: naughty boy. brat cat. belongs in the trash

Dante: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[carbonated-olive-juice]

tma!sanders sides au bc i’ve been brainrotting over this for the past several days

(@wobblystrawberry helped a lot with this [hiiii])

Remus:

- The Corruption

- the bastard that made me start this whole thing (wanted to make The Stinky Trash Bastard Man, Stinky Trash Bastard Man Squared and it sorta just went from there)

- known as The Duke of The Crawling Rot

- raided the magnus institute with Jane Prentiss (where he meets Logan, they probably start dating sometime in the AU) (both Remus and Prentiss wore raggedy red dresses and Roman got pissy about Remus stealing his color)

- dating Janus and living with him + Annabelle Cane (more on her later)

Roman:

- The Desolation

- known as The Prince of Total Desolation/The Prince of Devastation

- was The Lightless Flame’s attempt to salvage the idea of having a Messiah and all the work that was put into that (a failed attempt at that)

- a lot of “he hurts everyone close to him because of the intensity of his love for them (“also he can’t touch anyone without burning them alive)” going on with him

- him and Jude Perry are lesbian/gay hostility (also Jude pretty much HATES Roman because he’s quite literally the “replacement” for the woman she loved) but sometimes have their moments of coexistence

- him and Virgil have something going on but it isn’t clear to anyone (including me) what exactly it is

speaking of…

Virgil:

- The Dark

- it was close between The Dark and The End but ultimately I went for The Dark

- ascended to Avatar-hood earliest out of everyone else (at like something between 14-17 idk)

- much more on the human-ish end of the spectrum (main thing is his eyes, i’ll drop the design soon i promise)

- Janus (who’ll i get to next) was like a mentor/older sibling figure for him, and tried to get him to become an avatar of The Web (is still trying to do so) which is why 1) Virgil is still closely tied to spiders, and 2) mostly why Virgil Does Not Like Janus

- Virgil still has a pet tarantula that Janus had given him, he’s tried to muster up the will to kill her or get rid of her more times than he can count now, to cut off his ties with The Web, but he just can’t bring himself to do it

- him and gerry (who i’ve decided doesn’t die in this au and instead becomes a fully realized Beholding Avatar) are close friends and most of their interactions go something like:

“You fell in love with the fucking personification of insanity and lies" "big talk for a guy with a crush on the biggest bitch of a fancy dumpster fire" "fuck you" "fuck you" "so you're trying to tell me you didn't name yourself after gerard way?" "i didnt" "bullshit, i bet you heard 'mama' and immediately took his name" (gerry’s trans in this, i make the rules)

- Virgil used to be friends with Julia Montauk before someone got jealous and tipped her off that Virgil’s an avatar (they get less toxic later i promise okay?)

- also he’s sorta friends with oliver banks, they have these “oh hey, it’s you” acquaintances and sometimes sit down to catch up like:

“how’s it going with your vast boyfriend? (mike crew)” “oh yeah a Hunter cop shot him he had to pretend to be dead while Buried for a bit but he’s doing better now, tea?” “how’s your bf in the red?” “my what.” “y’know the Lightless Flame’s Messiah 2.0?” “MOTHERFUCKING ROMAN??”

Janus:

- The Web

- okay yes The Spiral is literally the fear of deception, and yes Janus is literally called “Deceit” but this fits him better imo

- he/she Janus because fuck it

- as i said, tried to get Virgil to become a Web Avatar, still trying, how well this is working out for her is up for debate

- he is pulling all the strings possible to keep Virgil far away from The People’s Church of The Divine Host as possible (whether this is out of genuine care and fear for how being in a literal cult would affect Virgil’s wellbeing or a want to keep Virgil’s connection to The Dark as possible… that’s also up for debate)

- has severe scarring on the entire right side of her face, how did that happen? basically, Mary Keay wanted to test to make sure the Leitner skin book was real, so she hired janus (who also brought Virgil, and that’s how gerry and Virgil met) to help with that, long story short, she then backstabbed him and tried to skin him alive. janus got away but let’s just say she’s pretty damn lucky Virgil was there to get him to a hospital

- dating Remus (and eventually Logan) and lives with Remus + Annabelle Cane

- Speaking of Annabelle Cane, one day while Remus and Janus were just cuddling on the couch, Annabelle just walked in, said “We’re a colony now”, and set up in the spare bedroom s5 style and Janus + Remus were just like “oh-kay?” and went on with their day

- if you’ve ever seen that one “passive aggressive roommate” song on youtube, that’s Janus and Annabelle. both are the passive aggressive roommate.

- spider limbs from his back as well as the several hands thing because why the hell not, it works

Patton:

- The Eye

- mainly the being judged/having your secrets exposed aspects (because in sander sides he is literally the judge over thomas’ morality, his job is to watch over thomas’ actions and tell him whether or not he’s a good person)

- certain people make eye contact with with him and Know that he Knows all the bad things they’ve done, and feel the compulsion to spill their guts, once they start, they cannot stop no matter how hard they try

- after the fact, his victims find a teddy bear sitting on their bed that always seems to be Watching them no matter where they go

- works at The Magnus Institute, where he meets Logan, who, during his transition to becoming an avatar, was one of his biggest supports, since he was going through the same thing, they start dating after a while, and by the time of the Prentiss + Remus attack, they’re engaged (they both fully ascend only a few months after their wedding)

- [insert patton having a moral crisis because he doesn’t want to be a monster that feeds off of people’s fear but he has to and part of him likes it wow this is reminding me of a certain other Beholding Avatar]

- idk how it happens but he still becomes a father figure for Virgil somehow, i’ll figure out specifics eventually

Logan:

- The Vast

- while i absolutely love Beholding!Logan hear me out. the fear of insignificance works so well here.

- he started working at The Magnus Institute a year or two before Patton (and five or six years before the Prentiss + Remus attack)

- i cannot overstate how everyone in the au thinks he’s Beholding: Jon thinks he’s Beholding, Gertrude thought he was Beholding, Gerry, who canonically has an ability to tell if people are marked by an avatar and who, for the purposes of this au is an avatar of The Eye, thinks he’s Beholding, motherfucking Elias/Jonah thinks he’s Beholding, Virgil, Janus, Annabelle, everyone thinks he’s Beholding EXCEPT Remus, who just knows for some reason (at one point when Patton and Logan got engaged Remus was like “damn patton you’re so committed to the eye, wouldn’t have figured you’d marry a vast avatar.” “a what”)

- to be fair, he was like 0.5 seconds away from becoming an Eye Avatar then BOOM BITCH VAST JUMPSCARE (The Eye is immensely bitter) and is partially Eye-aligned

- when Patton and Logan started dating, Logan just kinda assumed that Patton knew he was a Vast avatar

- after Patton learns, the convo goes something like “but- you work with the institute? how are you an avatar of the vast?” “i still need to eat, patton, and rent in central london is not cheap.”“huh.”

- Logan has a tie that Patton got him after learning he was a Vast avatar, the tie has a blue sky that fades into a deeper blue at the top, has some clouds and birds scattered around, and has a colorful sunset at the bottom, he wore that to their wedding and every day after

- there is healthy communication between all parties when Logan starts dating Remus and Janus as well

- probably levitates elias/jonah over the edge of a building for threatening/traumatizing Patton at some point, Elias had no clue that Logan was a Vast avatar until that moment (self-made blind spot, like the one he had around Martin being a threat)

- Jon and Logan would be friends. they just would.

- Logan’s probably the one who convinces Virgil to go to therapy

that’s most of what i have right now, i will probably continue to talk about these bastards + post the designs

[redux-iterum]

A Canine Eulogy

We put down my dog, Geno, today.

Textwall of sentiment under the cut.

Shortly, he was ill, and steadily growing worse every day at a rapid decline of a week before his death. He'd have brief moments of cheeriness, then go back to being listless, sluggish and unhappy. The vet made it clear a few days ago that there was very little chance of saving him and that his quality of life (the most dreaded phrase in a pet owner's dictionary) was poor, and only getting poorer. We made the decision to end his suffering before it got so severe he couldn't climb up the stairs into my house, or have accidents indoors, or starve himself to death (as he was starting to). It didn't feel good, not remotely, but it had to be done.

I haven't talked about Geno on this blog, so I figure the best way to pay my respects is to tell you all how great of a dog he was. Probably a bit late to introduce him, but whatever.

Geno (nicknames including Bean, Stinky Bean/Gene, Eyebrows Boy, Old Man and Geno Bon Benostein) was a dog that we never figured out the breed of. Many people, charmed by his pleasant, permanent puppyface that was always so happy to see them, would ask me his breed, and my answer was "He's got big eyebrows, that's all I know". That generally got a laugh, which was nice.

We attained Geno when he was about half a year old in a move. My pops runs a moving company, and we get all sorts of things from moves that people don't want to take with them to the new house across the state. I don't think a single piece of furniture in my house isn't secondhand, that's how much we get.

Geno in particular was our first longterm pet from a move. The lowdown is that the customers were divorcing and were viciously arguing over every single item and animal in the house. The wife threatened to take Geno to the pound, and immediately Pops offered to adopt him. I found this out when he picked me up from a sleepover in middle school and had a second dog with him, along with our first. It was quite a delightful surprise.

Our first dog was less than obedient and more than indifferent to humans, loving to destroy stuff and escape constantly. Geno, on the other hand, was only concerned about staying within eyesight of his owners, to the point of sitting on a windowsill as well as he could and staring at us through the glass until we let him in (at the time Pops was not eager to have dogs in the house). We never needed to chain him up or fence him in - he was entirely devoted to us from jump and got as close as he could at all times.

The first dog eventually died, and Geno was the sole pup of the house. He thrived in that, and he made a point to prove himself to be an excellent dog. He never had an accident in the house for many years (until age got to him), preferring to potty in the bushes or brush so that we didn't have to worry about stepping in it or even cleaning it up. He never barked or ran away or growled at visitors, nor did he knock over trash cans or even so much as get fleas during the summer. The only things we struggled with were his great hatred of other dogs and aggressive fear of wheels. The wheel thing was a little more embarrassing, because he'd bark at some poor bastard in a wheelchair who was just trying to mind his own business. Like, great, thanks, Geno. Now we look like assholes.

Geno went on many, many trips across the country with us, especially to Yellowstone, which is a yearly voyage pops and I go on. He was a treat to travel with - he just wanted to rest his head between the front seats and look at us adoringly. He went to beaches, where he didn't enjoy the coast and instead stuck with us by inches, and on moves, where customers and their new neighbors would fawn over him and he got to be the Super Special Puppy Dog, which he loved. He went more places than most people I know, and certainly ate more pizza than any other dog in the United States while we were in hotels. Maybe not healthy for him, but man did he love his 'za, and he'd stare at us with his big ol' cow eyes. How could we say no?

This dog was a major part of my life - he was around for half of it, from middle school to adulthood. I don't think I can ever get another dog that would be nearly as wonderful as him, and I don't know that I want to. I think he raised the standard too high and made every dog I take care of (I housesit for a living) somehow not as good as him, no matter how well-mannered they are. I expect that to be that way for a very long time.

His collar, I decided, will stay in my car, hooked around the rearview mirror. That way, he gets to travel with me no matter where I go. He always did thoroughly enjoy a car ride.

Moonshine will miss him greatly. She was infatuated with him no matter how much he tried to make her go away. He gave up towards the end and started being nice to her, at least. I'm just glad I've got pictures of them interacting and her demanding his affections. Those are precious memories above precious memories.

The vet techs mourned with us as we said goodbye, calling him "one of the good ones". I think that's a pretty high compliment.

I hope he's happy, wherever he is.

You were a good boy, Geno.

[not-sure-what-im-feeling]

BLORBO BINGO! REMUS

REMUS!!!

Absolute bastard of a stinky trash man (affectionate)

Thanks Duckie !! :3

[myreia]

😌😏 Lahabrea for blorbo bingo bls

I hate you so much for exposing my trash to the world.

Actual stinky bastard man. Still mad Aur didn't get to defeat him herself. You made it personal, bitch, get back here!!!

Endwalker spoilers:

Pictured: one very confused Ancient wondering why Azem's feral little creature is one step away from stabbing him and setting him on fire.

[unoisveimved-un-proffesional]

I REALLY want to put the smack down on this post. I REALLY fucking do, I've gone through 3 drafts each 5 paragraphs in length, and 6 drafts of witty one liners that can be boiled down "Shut up liberal" but I for the life of me can't pin down exactly what to do to present why I think this kind of thing worse than anything stonetoss has ever put out. Such highly toxic concentrations of centrism activates a "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT" response in me, it's a trigger, enlightened centrist cunt fucking liberals make me want to KILL. KILL! And that rage as well as hunger pains makes it so hard for me to come up with the slam dunk on this piece of "ironic" trash that it deserves. I even agree with it that "Quirky Queer Bean shoots the (crypto)fascist" jokes are getting kind of annoying ngl, but this makes me want to break into the police station and steal back my shotgun to turn everything above OP's neck into a fine red mist. I cannot truly put into words how much I DESPISE this kind of """""""realist""""""" centrist, the reddit-atheism of politics. I just fucking hate it, and I'm too rage filled to explain the intricacies of why. I can feel the dimensions of it in the back of my throat but the words cant come out, and a "Kill yourself liberal" won't DO IT for me. I need to have the ANALYSIS of WHY you SCIENTIFICALLY ARE A STINKY AWFUL BASTARD!!!

RHETORIC [LEGENDARY]: SUCCESS

HALF-LIGHT [MEDIUM]: SUCCESS

LOGIC [HARD]: FAILURE

VOLITION [HARD]: FAILURE

VOLITION [MEDIUM] SUCCESS

[abbinurmel]

A Tale Of Goats and The Most Metal Album Cover Tree Of All Time.

This is a true story that happened to a close friend. I right now am sitting up with insomnia again in his house and felt like honoring him, despite it being three years since his death. I've told this tale dozens of times irl but now felt like telling this story online because I wanna immortalize it as it is that good.

So. My late biker friend, Machito, my inarguably coolest friend, one of my oldest and only flesh and blood friends. The man the myth the rocking legend. There are a million other equally wild if not wilder tales of him and his pals/rivals, but this one is my favorite. So...

Once upon a time, there was this friend of mine who was your ur example of a badass rugged mountain man. A solitary, dark long dreadlocked / epic mustached, scary tattooed, leather wearing, tall, even darker skinned and somehow actually more badass irl than Danny Trejo who was practically his lookalike, sorta guy. A guy who has masters degrees in both law and biology who lives in the Catskills in a trailer with his mom next door along with his Harley bikes and his beloved chihuahuas. And during his life in the rural wilderness of upstate New York he was on and off a small farmer. This makes sense as the nearest major grocery store is an almost 30-40 minute drive down steep winding dirt roads, occasionally down heavily snow piled hills. He had no crops but raised livestock like chickens and cows for extra food, as so many here do. At some point he owned a small herd of goats. And one day, they all escaped out of their pen because the gate somehow broke. He did not realize this until after the sheriff called to inform him, telling him over the phone that neighbors far down the way had a bunch of goats now racing all up and down their big front and back yards, shitting everywhere and kicking down trash cans and tearing up grass and he had to now show up and fix this problem as they knew they def were his. My friend drove over and brought out his shotgun.

"No no! Don't *shoot* the goats! *Catch* them!" the officer snapped.

"Are you nuts," Machito said.

"Why not?" asked the sheriff.

"Because they're GOATS, you idiot city slicker."

"You can't shoot animals out here."

"We got us a whole batch of scared goats on the loose, I've no patience in this heat, or hope of ever catching them any other way. These goats are not pets. They'll not come if called. I didn't raise them that way. They're for strictly meat and hides. So they're to be slaughtered regardless anyway."

"Don't care."

"-Look. It's a waste, I know, but asides just leaving them to run amok wild, its best I can do. If I don't kill them, eventually some other guy will: shoot at MY property, I might add, as you said, the goats that *I* paid for. And if a redneck doesn't shoot them, then out in the bush the coyotes will tear em apart. More likely they just hit a car. Or die of disease. These aren't forest animals, they have no idea where they are going. It's probably more merciful this route."

"No way you going to do that!" yells the sheriff. "You're gonna catch them alive."

"I cannot do that."

"Oh you better!"

"-You go and catch one of them then, to show me how easy it is."

The sheriff was astounded but acquiesced. Surely he ran thru field, the tall grass full of mud, goat shit and thorn bushes, trying in vain to bare handedly by the haunches catch all these panicking, not at all stupid, very large hoofed and horned, kicking, dirty, stubborn, noisy, stinky creatures.

-the fat old white town sheriff returns, bedraggled and battered, red and sweaty, tired and filthy.

"Okay you win. Shoot the bastards."

"Toldyaso," says Machito.

"Just shootem, shoot them all!" says the sheriff. And he does. But that is not the end of the story.

Machito drags all the dead goats now into his pickup. He drives home, back up the mountain, in the blazing summer sun, with an enormous pile of meat already attracting flies. ...Bear in mind now. This is a guy who is a lone hunter, a mountain guy, just a biker who reluctantly killed a mass of goats all by himself. Not a farmer. He does not have a real actually fully staffed farm. Or a giant freezer capable of handling a ton of goats all at once. The way one properly butchers a goat is to string them on a hook and remove entrails, same as any dead deer, pig or cow. Most meat raising people, if they don't take livestock to a slaughterhouse directly while alive, will maybe use some type of big tablesaw to hack the limbs and heads off. But again, this is not a guy living with that sort of an efficient mass butchering setup. He is just guy chilling in the boonies, a guy with a trailer, and a single pole and a chain with hook on it to his name. When it comes to meat, he just takes a single eventual goat or pig, after having raised it for a long time to get fat, and after a clean shot in the head he then simply butchers the whole thing with a machete to be either stuffed in a fridge or straight for dinner. He is not a guy who kills lots of animals weekly to regularly sell in grocery aisles this is just a *hobby* for the pleasure of eating fresh venison and goat meat stew as that's how they often did things in rural Jamaica, where his mother comes from.

SO. Do the math: he has a whole pile of corpses on his hands, no huge professional farmhouse or freezer to put all these dead goats in. They gotta now be carved all up outside and stored/preserved right the f *NOW* or else things will be gross real quick. ....My friend had to in the July heat string up around a dozen dead adult goat corpses upside down from a big dead tree's branches in his backyard and remove all the entrails and place them in a big ol pile on a table next to it.

A beautiful sight, a great big ol Tree of Meat and Death. That is not the end of this story.

My friend (who again, is a long wild haired scary looking hermit biker) is hot and sweaty and covered in blood. Flies and mosquitoes are cos of that constantly nipping him all his flesh. His hair is a bloody sticky mess. He smacks his face and all over his butcher's apron. Leaving behind bloody hand prints. Holding a giant machete. I think you know where this is heading.

Some hours into carving yet more dead goat carcass, a doorbell is heard. Now, very few people ever regularly visit my friend's place. It's too remote. And the few who do so are rarely on anything except very familiar terms. And my friend has had a rough time of it of late with another biker friend of his. They aren't enemies, they are still close, but he has reached a point of just being fed up by their repeat bunglings and toxic codependency of late. There was also some car or motorcycle repair stuff I think? I can't recall the details, they were not important...Anyway.

Machito has a car out in the driveway with for sale written on it...but has completely forgotten about that as it has sat there for ages. What he didn't know was ***a woman*** from out of town has stopped by to inquire about the vehicle. But instead he thinks it is this aggravating friend of theirs who's been for one reason or another getting on their last nerves and always lately dropping by. So he lunges around the side of the trailer house, pissed off and sweaty, clasping a big knife, soaked in blood and stained with handprints all over. And blindly as he comes in charging, he roars:

"ARGHHHH, WHAT THE FUCK IS IT THIS TIME?! HUH?"

The poor woman screams. She runs away in terror.

"NO WAIT! WAIT STOP ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE-"

Lady comes round the back, she sees The Metal Album Goat Tree of Doom and screams and nearly faints then runs away as fast as she can, gets in her car, and hits the turbo. Still not the end of my story.

A doorbell happens. It's the sheriff. The guy from before. He says there was a reported disturbance of a serial killer up here so tell him what happened. Machito takes him out back to show off the goat tree and explains the misunderstanding. The sheriff cackles and wheezes: "Do you know who that woman that reported you was...? That WOMAN was MY WIFE."

They both share a laugh and open a couple beers. And soon. The sheriff is bringing Machito over to HIS HOUSE. Where he hides him. And the wife isn't home yet. She still is at the station.

She gets eventually home after her hubby says it's fine he arrested the psycho. She sits down to dinner and starts to talk about how relieved she is when yes OF COURSE YES mY BEAUTIFULLY STILL GORE SMEARED FRIEND BARGES OUT OF THE HALL SHOUTING AND WAVING HIS MACHETE AND YES IT IS TERRIBLE AND HORRIBLE AND CRUEL AND YES THIS JS THE BEST FUCKING EPIC PRANK OF ALL GODDAMNED TIME.

And THAT is the end of my story.

[zinesbylennon]

He also has several aliases: The Beast, The Creature, Stinky Bastard Man, Little Bastard Man, Trash Goblin, The One Who Licks, and Mr. Shanks

Here's some closeups of my cat, Skimbleshanks. Enjoy Tumblr.

[paris-in-flames]

Wait, scene/emo side of Sanders Sides fandom i need help confirming a theory: Remus would listen to Mindless Self Indulgence

[malewifeklaviergavin]

what are your hcs for kristoph (& klavier again if you want)?

Hello beloved I will do Kristoph bc I just did Klavier and I wanna Dig Into This Nasty Lad.

Realistic: Kristoph is just as musically inclined as Klavier he's just more reserved about it. He can play piano, violin, and also the guitar (tho he'd rather die than play anything but acoustic).

Unrealistic but funny: Vongole is his Baby Girl she gets the best of everything and he loves her more than he loves anyone else. Like, grooming every six weeks, raw bougie dog food, being brushed for half an hour every day. She's his prized possession.

Heart crushing: Kristoph has taken care of Klavier since he was 18 and there was a brief time period where Klavier was in foster care while Kristoph was being assessed. Kristoph called Klavier every night to say goodnight to him while they were apart and if the courts had decided he wasn't a fit guardian, he was gonna take Klavier and run bc that's HIS baby brother and no one's gonna take his favorite toy away from him.

Unrealistic: Kristoph has more than once introduced himself as 'Kristoph, like from Frozen." bc he does have a sense of humor and thinks it's funny when people are like oh coolest defense in the west. Frozen. I get it.

[hollow-dweller]

Peter Parker 😌

my love for Peter Parker, a study in contradictions

caveat caveat his ships are often great but the way fandom writes them? hell

caveat caveat partie deux: peter often is the "best" character in his respective adaptations, but should he be? (no.)

in conclusion:

send me a character and i'll fill out a bingo card for them

[maxer-blaster]

Ted in Black Friday gives me an INSANE amount of feelings.

First, when he sees Paul, he pats his chest in a gesture that seems to say "glad you're ok".

Then he comes up behind Charlotte to hold her and rub her shoulders, to help her relax.

Which, in TGWDLM, he did something similar, but with an alterior motive. Here it's just comfort.

Then, as they wait for tomorrow, he holds her hand.

And HCB's, who I'm almost positive is his little brother.

In TGWDLM, he's a selfish coward, but here there's no fighting, no betrayal, he just wants to be with the people he loves if the end comes.

[royaltea000]

I’ve drawn this shitbag more times than I’ve drawn any other shows characters combined 

[sketch-rambles]

Sanders Asides dress up because Remus has a streak in his hair like Anna. Remus wanted to be Sven and make Janus be Kristoff but was voted down because him as Anna was the whole point. Also, Janus insisted on a hat. @thatsthat24

[sir-stanford]

He wants to help

[just-a-space-nugget]

I’m in a big Chettmen mood today >:}c