#'nobody knows what he's doing' aka he didn't run it past me that he was going to work out | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

honey-beann · 2 years ago

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Ruiner, Ruination (RK900 X Reader)

Chapter 7: Insult to Injury

Series Masterlist

Chapter Synopsis:

Reader and Nines are finally allowed back into the field, but evidently bad luck isn't quite done with them yet.

This chapter features Reader's return to non-office related parts of her job, another unfortunate accident, some embarrassing moments, and the revelation of a few odd truths.

AKA: Nines flaunts superiority and briefly gets his ass handed to him.

Chapter Content Warnings:

Gun violence

Android violence

Bleeding

Injury

Murder

General violence

Death

Word Count: 7,194

It was a quiet morning in the DPD, with almost no phones ringing, nobody running around from person to person trying to solve a tough case, and very few people currently in for questioning.

It was a nice change from the usual hectic environment, and you let out a relaxed breath as you stepped into the office area, your persistently present partner just a few steps behind you as you both made your way to your shared desk space.

It felt good to not be immediately overwhelmed the second you entered the bullpen, and you were just about to turn towards Nines and ask if he knew why things were so calm this morning when a familiarly grating voice interrupted you.

"Hey, RoboCop, isn't your babysitter missing something important?"

You held back a groan as you stopped mid-step and turned around to face the owner of that voice, noting that Nines had done the same despite the fact that you knew he vastly preferred to simply ignore Gavin's taunting most of the time.

This morning however, he seemed far more open to entertaining the man.

"I fail to understand what you're referring to, Detective Reed."

Nines replied coolly, his voice smooth and his gaze full of boredom as he regarded your least favorite DPD detective with what could only be described as disdain.

Gavin scoffed,

"Her sling, you glorified can opener, you know, that thing she was wearing after you caught her wrong and fucked up her shoulder? Last I checked she had another week of wearing that thing."

Nines raised a brow in response to Gavin's words, an incredibly slightly shift to his head posture reminiscent of Connor's infamous head tilt showing his feigned confusion,

"How observant of you to remember my partner's original expected date of recovery. I had no idea you cared so deeply for her well being."

You choked back your laughter as you realized what Nines was doing, watching as Gavin's cheeks grew dusted with a light pink color beneath his stubble.

He glared at the android in front of him, crossing his arms over his chest indignantly.

"As if, asshole. Maybe you've both forgotten but with Detective Droid-Lover out of commission I've had to take on twice the number of field cases. I've been counting down the days until she gets that thing off since day fucking one."

Nines hummed, inspecting his fingernails briefly before he replied,

"I see. Well, I'm sure my partner is glad to hear how useful she is, since you clearly struggle to carry the work load that exists without her around."

Gavin rolled his eyes at that, clearly thoroughly annoyed,

"Deflect all you want, but I know you're just embarrassed that you didn't notice she wasn't wearing it until now. Hasn't Fowler been praising you for how excellently you've supported her the past two weeks? What's he gonna say when he finds out that your android ass was caught slacking?"

This time, it was you turn to scoff, and you crossed your arms for the first time in weeks as you finally addressed the human standing a few feet away from you.

"The sling came off early, Gavin, Three weeks was the longest projected time, the same way that one week was the shortest. You literally complained about me missing two hours of work for my doctors appointment about how much longer I would need in the sling last week. Do you ever pay attention to the shit people say to you, or do you just stop listening when your name isn't mentioned enough times?"

You watched as your coworker took a few steps forward, though he notably did not move past the android who stood in the middle of the space in between the two of you,

"I didn't complain about you missing any work, I complained about your plastic partner missing work. Since when is it normal for a detective to take their coworker damn near everywhere that they go? You two are always together and soon enough Fowler is gonna get tired of i-"

"Detective L/n, RK900, I need the two of you to take on a field case that came in five minutes ago. The report will be in shortly, so be prepared to leave in less than ten."

The sound of the captain's voice calling out from the direction of his office immediately caught your attention despite your previous argument with Gavin, and you were quick to nod in confirmation to your boss before he closed the door to his glass office, taking a phone call immediately thereafter.

You turned to Gavin once more, arms crossed over your chest as you smirked,

"What was that about Fowler getting tired of Nines and I always being together? Because it seems to me like he's pretty eager to have us working out in the field again."

The man standing opposite you glared daggers in your direction, flipping you off as he all but stomped past, sitting down at his desk and ignoring you as you chuckled at his childish response.

With that conversation being over, you turned your attention back towards your partner, who was staring straight ahead of him as he read up on the report he had just received,

"Let's go, Detective. I can tell you about the case on the way."

On the car ride over to the scene, you learned quite a bit about the investigation you and Nines were meant to carry out, and honestly, it was quite the introduction back into the field after two weeks stuck doing office work.

The two of you were headed for an abandoned car factory, where there had been recent sightings of an AV500 that had attacked his boss a few weeks prior.

Apparently, this android, whom his coworkers referred to during interviews as Martin, had been growing increasingly irate throughout the past few weeks, and had ultimately assaulted the store owner just before his opening shift on Tuesday of last week.

The store owner, a fifty-eight year old man named Herb, had survived the initial attack of being shot thrice with a handgun that had been registered in his name, but had still died at the scene after bleeding out due to the next shift not occurring for several hours, and the attack having happened in the owners office, which no one bothered to check until closing time.

Two workers had shown up nine hours after the shop opened to find that the store, a gardening shop right in the middle of the city, had been ransacked, and that their boss was slumped over in his office chair, dead.

Both coworkers claimed that they'd assumed the AV500 had been a victim as well due to his typically gentle and well-mannered nature, and it was noted in the case file that every single one of his coworkers stated they did not believe he could have done this when asked that question during interviews.

So, you had a dead shop owner who was also typically regarded by his workers as kind, a missing murder weapon, a severe lack of relevant finger prints at the crime scene, and a suspect who was supposedly very gentle, but had suspiciously gone missing the very same day that the crime had been committed with no word on him until now, when he'd been spotted at an abandoned car factory right at the edge of the city.

It was an interesting first case to come back to, to say the least.

Nonetheless though, you felt prepared, despite how little faith Nines seemed to have in your ability to stay out of harms way.

"Don't do anything foolish."

He'd stated after parking the car around the back of a building that was nearby the car factory, turning to face you with a rather serious expression.

You sighed,

"Come on, Nines, this is starting to feel insulting, do you not have any faith in me?"

Your partner rolled his eyes at your words before ultimately choosing to ignore them entirely, stepping outside of the car and closing the door behind him without a word.

He could be so difficult sometimes.

You huffed but were quick to follow suit, walking quickly to keep up with Nines as he maneuvered carefully around the various buildings surrounding the car factory, using his GPS systems to avoid putting either of you within the line of sight of someone that could be hiding out within it.

You were both silent as you eventually made your way to the east facing wall of the building, which had the least amount of windows on it. It was here that Nines motioned for you to climb up a lowered rusty metal fire escape ladder, leaning down just beside your ear as you reached up to grab at the sides, preparing to pull yourself a few feet up to the first wrung, which ended roughly six feet above the ground you were standing on.

"The ladder is stable, but be careful upon entering the building. It was lowered very recently according to my scans, and I do not need you rushing into things and getting injured all over again."

You rolled your eyes and glared at your partner, being sure to keep your voice lowered as you replied,

"Oh of course not, we wouldn't want to tarnish you record with another negative assignment outcome."

You all but spat out, watching as Nines' brows rose briefly before a slight grin began to play upon his lips,

"I'm glad you see it my way for once, Little Mouse."

He whispered back, his breath tickling your ear and nearly making you shiver even as you glared daggers at him, moving to pull yourself upward only to curse when you realized how difficult that was actually going to be.

Two whole weeks with limited arm and shoulder mobility had not been kind to your upper body strength, and the slight bolt of pain that coursed through you didn't help with the situation either.

You groaned in both discomfort and frustration, letting go of the bars completely to allow your feet to plant themselves firmly on the ground below once more.

Nines looked down at you expectantly, his brow raised as he looked you up and down slowly, attempting to assess the situation.

"Is there a problem, Detective?"

He asked, his tone both amused and disinterested at the same time as he watched you intently, awaiting your response.

You dropped your gaze toward the ground, sighing,

"I can't get up. It's bothering my shoulder and I don't wanna- woah, hey!"

You whisper shouted at your partner as he lowered his hands to your hips, lifting you upward with ease as he chuckled beside your ear,

"Whatever would you do without me, Little Mouse?"

He asked haughtily, and you could hear the teasing grin in his voice as he helped you gain footing upon the first rung of the ladder, and you couldn't help but sigh in relief as you grabbed on to the sides and gained full stability.

You gave yourself a moment longer to adjust before you started climbing up slowly, remembering Nines' previous warning to be careful as you pulled yourself into the building, noting the way that the wind whistled ominously through the many broken windows of the factory as you pressed your back against the wall with the entrance you'd just crawled in through, scanning the room for any signs of life or movement as you waited for Nines to join you.

Thankfully, due to his ridiculous strength and agility, it wasn't long before you were no longer alone within the building, and you nodded to your partner as the two of you began walking together towards the doorway that lead to the next room.

Together, you traversed the entirety of the third floor, before suddenly, Nines grabbed your arm and tugged you close, his lips only an inch away from your ear as he whispered as quietly as possible while still ensuring it remained audible to you.

"My sensors have neglected to pick up anything of significance, but my auditory system has picked up what sounds like footsteps on multiple occasions since our arrival. They are incredibly faint, and I cannot tell which direction they are coming from, but I am almost entirely certain there is someone else here."

You nodded, whispering as quietly as you could in response, knowing Nines would hear it with ease,

"Alright, what do you think we should do then?"

You asked, eyes scanning the room around you as your partner gave your question a few seconds of thought before replying,

"We should split up briefly to search the second and fourth floors. If there is someone here, the longer we take to discover them, the higher the likelihood of them escaping."

You nodded in agreement,

"Sounds like a plan, who takes what floor?"

Nines' response was immediate, clearly well thought out from the very moment he had shared his plan,

"If that AV500 is here, he's afraid of being caught, and therefore there is little sense for him to trap himself on the upper floors of this place when its harder to escape that way. This means there is an increased likelihood that he'll be on the first or second floors, so I'll check the second, and you can take the fourth."

You gave another nod, taking a step forward towards the stairs that led up to the fourth floor before a hand wrapped soundlessly around your wrist, causing you to turn around to face your partner once more,

"Be careful, Detective, and shout if you require my assistance."

Typically, when Nines said something like that, you would make a joke about him always choosing to ignore you whenever you called, but this time you just promised him that you would stay safe before slowly ascending the steps to the fourth floor as silently as possible.

Without Nines at your side, you kept your hand on the holster of your gun, trying desperately to keep both fear and adrenaline at bay as you went from room to room, sighing in relief as each one revealed itself to be empty.

You continued on your solo venture until finally, you came to the final room, making a note of the sudden chill that hit you as you stepped into it. The north facing window was smashed inward, and glass littered the ground all around the area as a result of how large the pane had been prior to being shattered.

You cursed softly as you rubbed your arms with your hands, taking note of all of the debris that littered this particular area of the building. There was way too much stuff in this room for you to be able to tell at a glance if someone was in there or not, so instead of turning back and assuming everything was clear, you moved further into the room, about to peer around a large stack of crates when a man all but jumped out from behind them, gun in hand with blood covering his work uniform.

'Herbs Gardening'

His shirt read, and you all but froze when you realized this was the AV500 you'd been searching for.

This was Martin, and more than anything else, he looked terrified, which was never a good thing when it came to deviants.

You raised your hands instantly as Martin pointed his gun at you, throat bobbing as he squeezed his eyes shut before speaking,

"Y-you need to get out of here, right now."

He said, and you shook your head gently before replying,

"I'm sorry Martin, but I can't do that. I'm with the DPD, and-"

"I don't care who you are or why you're here,"

Martin spat, his hands shaking as he tried desperately to maintain control over both himself as well as the situation at hand,

"You need to leave, and you need to forget you ever saw me, otherwise I'll be forced to do something that I really really don't want to do."

He warned, taking a step forward that had you fighting not to take your own step back as he continued to point his gun in your direction, his finger wrapped around the trigger, just waiting for the right reason to squeeze.

You swallowed thickly,

"Martin, please listen to me, I'm here to help you. I know what happened, and I want to get your side of the story. Can you tell me what made you shoot your boss?"

The android standing in front of you inhaled sharply at your words, his finger tightening instinctively over the trigger of his weapon as he searched for the right words to say,

"H-he was using me! After the revolution, he started paying me more, so even though my shifts were longer than the legal limit, I didn't care. He told me that he saw me as a person, just like every other employee that he had, but he was a liar! he was paying everybody else three whole dollars more than me per hour that entire time, and when I asked him about it, he got so... so angry. I was terrified, I'd heard that morning what had happened to that other android employee who had been ripped to pieces by his boss after bringing up his workers rights, and I couldn't bear the thought of dying in there, knowing he would never get punished for it. So I grabbed his gun from the drawer I knew he kept it in. At first, I didn't think I was going to shoot him at all, I just wanted to scare him, but he just wouldn't stop screaming how worthless I was at me, how he was going to have me taken apart for being violent towards him. I didn't want to die, especially not for trying to defend myself, so before I could even really think about it I just pulled the trigger. After that, he was still moving, and I felt so terrible for what I had done, but I didn't know what to do and I was afraid he was going to scream, so I shot him two more times in the stomach and ran away... I never wanted to hurt Herb, he was always kind to me before that..."

He looked at you, eyes glistening and fearful,

"I'm not a murderer, I was just scared."

You listened intently to his words, conflicted over what to say next as you considered your situation.

You could try to comfort the clearly fearful android, which was your first instinct, but you were unsure of how that might go. Martin was acting more than a little bit neurotic, pacing about and mumbling to himself incomprehensibly even now as you were contemplating. How he might react if you said that wrong thing frightened you into silence, even though you knew for a fact that the alternative to comforting the android in question was an impossibility for you.

Pulling your gun and threatening Martin was an idea that you had recognized as bad from the moment you'd met the man who was currently pacing quickly in front of you, speaking to himself as if there was no one else in the room as he too considered what he was going to do.

You feared for the results of his decision.

But what could you possibly do?

Nines was a whole floor away, so you couldn't risk shouting and then getting shot for it, and beyond that comfort seemed risky, and even riskier was pulling your gun. You were certain that, after all that Martin had been through, he would not react well to the sight of a weapon, and you were not about to test how good you were at dodging bullets.

You were just about to give into your initial instinct to try and comfort the android out of his fear when suddenly, the sound of heavy footsteps caught your attention, as well as the attention of Martin, who instantly aimed his gun at the doorway, letting out a cry of fear as he waited to have whoever it was that was coming into his sights.

You cursed and called out for your partner to wait, shouting that the suspect was armed and scared, but Nines either didn't hear you or didn't care, because he burst in just seconds later, gun in hand and aimed straight at Martin.

"Drop the gun!"

He shouted, his voice threatening and firm, promising injury if the receiver of his instruction didn't listen, but even so, Martin, petrified, did not listen, and instead let out a cry before he aimed that gun straight at your partner, pulling the trigger before you could even attempt to get a word out.

It struck him right where his ribs would be if he had any, and you gasped audibly as warm blue blood splashed across your face, staining the white button up you were wearing as well.

Your mouth fell open in shock at the sight of your partner's hands flying to his wound, his eyes briefly rolling backward as he clutched at the area before falling to his knees, thirium slowly staining more and more of his undershirt as it spread, leaving the insides of his hands sticky with it.

"Nines!"

You cried, rushing to his side just as Martin dropped the gun to the floor, his hands shaking and his eyes watering as he ran quickly out of the room, fleeing the scene of the crime for the second time within the past two weeks.

"Shit."

You cursed, shooing away your partner's hands as you tried to cover his wound with your own instead, desperate to keep him from bleeding out enough to shut down as a result.

You knew how rare he was, the only RK900 model in existence, and it was already getting hard enough to find spare parts for the standard models now that android injuries were occurring so frequently due to the revolution and the way some humans were reacting to it.You did not want to find out the hard way that there was some part Nines had that was irreplaceable that would mean him shutting down entirely, forever.

You watched as the android in front of you placed one of his thirium coated hands on top of your own, a slight grin finding its way to his mouth as he spat out wads of thirium and lubricant, which was pooling within his mouth due to his internal responses to the injury.

You winced at the sight, but kept your hands steady as you called for backup, praying they would arrive soon.

"You're gonna be alright."

You muttered, putting more pressure on the wound as you desperately tried to recall everything you'd learned during your two day android first aid training a few months prior.

But no matter how hard you tried, your brain just couldn't keep up due to the stress you were under.

Here was your partner of two months, injured in a way that could have been critical for all that you knew, and you felt helpless to support him as blue blood started peeking out from between your finger tips.

This was a disaster.

You cursed once more as you moved to sit on your knees, hoping that a new position might give you enough leverage to help stop the bleeding.

Your eyes stung as tears began to build in the corners of them, making it hard for you to see until you gave in and wiped them on your shoulder, not caring whether or not Nines saw how upset you were. You were terrified at the prospect of losing him, so unsure of your own future that you were desperate to preserve whatever of him that you could.

Your heart hammered in your chest despite your intentional lack of movement, your breaths coming out in short gasps and strained inhales as you pulled back briefly to rip off a piece of your shirt that hadn't already been soaked through with thirium.

But before you could, a hand reached out and grabbed at your wrist,

"Detective,"

Nines said, his voice stern and steady despite his situation,

"You need to calm down, immediately. My injuries are nonlethal, and my damaged parts will be easy enough to repair or replace."

You shook your head at his words, hands shaking as you squeezed both of your eyes shut in an effort to collect yourself, desperate to make the pounding in your head stop even for a second.

"I-I can't just calm down after you were shot like that! He could have killed you, what am I supposed to do, just be alright with it?!"

You cried, tears falling faster and rolling down your cheeks as you used your free hand to clutch at the bottom of your partners shirt, desperate for something to hold on to as all of reality appeared to fall away right before your eyes.

Your partner watched you silently for a few moments, his eyes scanning your every movement as he tried to discern what it is he could say to make you feel better. Clearly you were experiencing some form of a panic attack, but what could he do? He had said was perfectly fine save for a few bio-components that would need replacing, and that he was at almost no risk of shutting down entirely as a result of the injuries he had sustained. He had tried to explain that to you, to make you listen, but you just wouldn't hear him, couldn't believe him, and would not stop your incessant squirming, as if you were itching to do something, anything but sit there and wait.

"Little Mouse, you must hear me."

Nines finally spoke after several long seconds of deliberation, his eyes boring into your own as he did so,

"I am okay, and I must insist that you calm down before you cannot say the same. I am in no condition to help you in my current state, so you have to take care of yourself. Can you do that?"

His voice was a bit softer as he spoke this time, but still firm, and somehow, that seemed to be what got through to you, because without a word you nodded and moved off of your knees, the force of your pushing downward having bruised them long ago.

He would need to talk to you about self preservation later.

But for now, he simply watched as you tried to take deep breaths, his hand still gripping your wrist as you ran your free hand through your hair, accidentally dragging thirium through it in the process.

In fact, now that he was looking closely, he could see that there was thirium all over you.

It covered your hands, was streaked through your hair, had stained your clothes, and you'd even gotten some on your lower lip somehow.

He decided not to mention any of that.

Warnings flashed in the corners of his vision, one stating that a circulation unit of his, which was a biocomponent that supported his thirium pump regulator, was at risk of failing and inflicting strain on both his thirium pump and the aforementioned pump regulator, while another said that he had lost too much blue blood and would soon need to select various areas to shut down the function of in order to preserve consciousness and avoid a complete and total system shut down. But despite those two warnings being different, he knew they were tied together by his need to lessen his circulatory unit's strain and preserve his blue blood storage.

The gunshot wounds were not nearly as harmless as he'd let on, and now he was facing the consequences of that, because in no way could he risk you finding out about his lie.

This meant that when it came down to it, he couldn't shut down any part of him that might be cause for concern, and his options were pretty scarce.

It was either his left leg, his left arm, his left optical unit, or his vocal modulator. Clearly the circulatory unit that had been damaged was sustaining the left side.

Not that that knowledge did him any good.

Wordlessly, Nines gave you one last pointed look, one that you never actually saw, before he chose to shut down his left optical unit, hoping it wouldn't be long before a new circulatory unit could be installed and he could regain his vision on that side.

Normally, he would never have chosen something that made his aim so much less accurate, but he didn't dare run the risk of shutting down a more visibly notable portion of his body.

For now, this would simply have to do.

With the lessened strain on his left circulatory unit, Nines nearly sighed in relief as that flashing warning sign at the corner of his vision (which was now far more limited than it had been before) faded away.

He refocused his gaze on you suddenly, surprised to find that you were looking right back at him, cheeks stained with tear trails and eyes wet and wide. There was so much fear in those eyes, although he struggled to fully comprehend why.

He opened his mouth to speak, although he wasn't quite sure what he intended to say, when the sound of a door bursting open down on the first floor had you both snapping to attention.

"Detroit police!"

A familiar voice shouted, and for what may have been the very first time in your career, you were actually glad to hear Gavin Reed.

Three hours and a rather accusatory interview from Gavin himself later, and you found yourself standing anxiously outside of a large brick building simply labelled as "Android Emergency Center".

You remembered coming here when this place was unveiled by Markus and the others just a few months back, but despite that, you couldn't help but feel contempt for it now. Something about its cold exterior made you uncomfortable, and you were angry at how unwelcoming it was, no matter how ridiculous you knew it was for you to feel that way.

Deep down, you knew you were just worried about Nines, who had been taken to the emergency care center immediately after the two of you were located back at the abandoned factory, and that you were projecting all of your worry, fear, and anger onto the less than pleasant looking building in front of you, but you couldn't bring yourself to admit that out loud.

For now, you just wanted something, anything physical to be angry at, and the Android Emergency Center was working just fine.

Suddenly, as if knowing you needed a new distraction, your phone rang, and you nearly jumped out of your skin before you realized what the sudden sound was and fished your cell phone out of your pocket.

You answered it without looking,

"Hello?"

You asked, waiting impatiently to see who was on the other end of the line.

"Good evening, Ma'am. I'm very sorry to bother you but I'm looking for a Y/n L/n?"

The voice replied, and you furrowed your brows in confusion as you tried to understand what was going on.

Who was this?

"That's me. Can I help you with something?"

You asked hesitantly, briefly pulling your phone away to check the number before pressing the speaker back against your ear as the person started to reply,

"Unfortunately yes. Would you mind coming to the Android Emergency Care Center located on fifth street?"

You looked up at the large building in front of you, and then down to the street sign just at the end of the road.

'Fifth Street' It read clearly.

You swallowed thickly before replying,

"Sure, I can do that. Would you mind telling me what's going on though? I'm a little bit confused..."

The voice was quick to reply,

"Oh of course Ma'am, my apologies. You're the emergency contact for an RK900 model that we had come in earlier this afternoon, and I'm afraid that he-"

You hung up before the speaker could even finish, hand reaching to cover your mouth as you all but fell to your now shaky knees, barely managing to keep yourself upright.

You looked down at yourself, taking in of all the blue blood that covered you, particularly the clear hand print that wrapped around your right wrist.

Was this all that was left of your partner now? Some thirium that would soon fade from your naked eye forever?

You felt sick at the thought, and in an attempt to silence your reeling mind, you all but bounded up the steps of the building in front of you, slamming the large doors open as you struggled to see straight.

You walked dizzily over to the front desk, still covered in sweat, tears, and thirium as you waited for someone to help you.

Thankfully, you weren't waiting long.

Being covered in android blood in what was basically an android hospital usually meant that you didn't, but this was only your first time in that particular situation, so you weren't aware of that fact quite yet.

It would take another two times for that to really sink in.

"Uh, Ma'am, are you alright?"

An android asked from across the counter, and you realized with a start that you were just standing there as he stared at you with widened eyes, hands raised part way as if he were trying to calm you down.

"I got a call about my partner? An RK900 mode?"

You said, panting through your words as you fought for breath after your run up the stairs and your physically and emotionally taxing day.

The android regarded you with concern, but replied nonetheless,

"Oh, that was you on the phone just now?"

You nodded hurriedly, feeling an immense need to rush the man in front of you in order to get some answers about what had happened.

"Is he okay?"

You asked, voice desperate and afraid in a way that you weren't sure you'd even heard yourself use before.

The android cocked his head before he seemed to understand,

"Oh! My apologies, I wasn't sure how much you'd heard before hanging up. I was calling to ask if you might be able to help him home. He shouldn't drive so shortly after the biocomponent procedure he received, and we were hesitant to put him on a taxi alone when the side effects can be so... dramatic."

You all but froze, heat creeping up your cheeks as you swallowed thickly, suddenly very embarrassed at your previous behavior.

Maybe you should have let the man finish before hanging up the phone.

Whoops.

"Oh uh sure. Where is he?"

You asked nervously, praying he wasn't nearby enough to have heard you speaking before, only for said prayers to be met with what could have easily been considered a mockery from whatever God might have been watching.

Silently, and with a vague sparkle of amusement in his eyes, you watched as the android standing behind the service counter pointed behind you, and you had the fight the urge to flinch as you turned around and saw Nines, looking as smug as ever, sitting in a waiting room chair casually with one leg crossed over the other, no more than five feet away from where you had been standing for the past two minutes.

Perfect.

You turned back to the android who had been helping you,

"So um, you said there could be some side effects?"

It didn't take a lot to get Nines out to the car after your conversation with the engineer who had worked on him was over, although you had certainly felt the urge to make his life difficult after everything you'd learned.

Because not only had your partner lied to you about his injuries being harmless, but he had also simply watched as you all but burst into the care center, basically shouting and gasping for air as you tried to ascertain whether or not the man you had spent the past two months getting to know was dead.

If not for his engineer's warnings for him to take it easy to ensure his body adjusted well to the new and repaired biocomponents, you actually might have kicked him.

But alas, fate was not so kind as to allow that.

So here you were, stuck in the car with a man you were currently seething at, driving him back to his apartment where you would need to remain for six hours to help with observation.

You gripped the wheel tightly, fighting the urge to strangle the android sitting to your right as he spoke up for the first time during your currently fifteen minute long drive back to his place.

"You seem... upset."

He said as if he were making a simple observation, and you inhaled deeply as you considered once again how many minutes it would take for him to choke to death, if he even could at all.

Instead of that though, you simply shot a glare in his direction before turning your attention back towards the road,

"Incredibly astute thoughts from Mr. Super computer brain over here. Are you sure they didn't just make you so that you could say the most insanely obvious things ever? Because if not you're really good at it and should definitely quit your day job."

Nines hummed in response, the corners of his mouth turning upward a bit as he watched you slow down in order to pull into the parking lot of his apartment complex, parking in the same spot he always did when he was borrowing your car before throwing it into park and all but ripping the key from the ignition before you turned to face him.

"You're a real asshole, you know that?"

You all but hissed, arms crossing over your chest as you glared into his very soul,

"First you mock me for being lesser during a mission, then you go and get yourself hurt and lie to me about it, and after all of that you sit there and grin smugly at me instead of telling me that you aren't dead, and finally you make me drive you home and babysit you as the cherry on top! Where do you get off? Do you just like making everyone around you angry?"

Nines analyzed your expression, his gaze flickering between your face and the thirium that was still covering various parts of your body.

He was unsure how to feel about that sight, but brushed the thought off entirely after a few moments.

"I had no intentions of worrying you, Detective. That is exactly why I did not mention my actual condition while speaking with you previously. You were unfit to be worrying about me in your mental state at that time. And beyond that, there was no reason for you to. As I said before, I was not receiving any warning of an imminent full status shut down. If I had, I would have notified you immediately and-"

"Oh but would you have?"

You cut him off, your tone far less harsh but significantly more weak as you spoke this time,

Nines missed the old one. It was vastly preferred when compared to the pain in your voice.

"You sat there and you lied to me so easily that I never even doubted you for a second. You said that you were fine and I believed you. How do I know you won't do it again? How am I supposed to feel comfortable going out into the field with you when I can't even trust you to tell me when you need my help?"

Nines watched you for a few moments before he reached forward to your right wrist, placing his hand upon the hand print that he'd left there in a manner that was almost mindless.

You stiffened in response, but didn't pull away.

He spoke.

"I apologize. My main concern in that moment was your well being, but I neglected to consider what impact lying to you might have had when it came to our partnership and your trust in me. I had no intention of causing you any fear or stress."

You were silent for a few moments, as if taking in the words he'd said, before you eventually sighed, slumping in your seat as you finally met his gaze,

"You scared me, you know?"

He gave you the closest thing to a soft smile that he could manage and nodded,

"I am aware. Your heartbeat was extremely elevated."

You rolled your eyes,

"And that phone call bullshit was a dick move. I don't know how you got that receptionist to do it, but I would appreciate if you would have them call your actual emergency contact next time so you can get someone to convince them that you're dead instead of me."

Nines shrugged,

"That would be difficult to do considering that you are my actual emergency contact, but I'll see what I can do, Detective."

You gaped at the android sitting beside you, raising a brow in confusion,

"Wait, actually? Since when?"

He hummed before pushing your passenger side door open and stepping out onto the wet concrete below, regarding you with amused eyes,

"Around the same time I gave myself access to your medical files by forging your signature while you were in the hospital. I thought it would be more... fair that way."

You blanched,

"What?!"

You rushed to jump out of the car as quickly as possible, glaring at the man who stood on the other side of it as he chuckled at your reaction,

"I had no interest in bribing a nurse to let me stay in your room again, therefore I did what I needed to in order to ensure I could be present should you ever get injured on the job a second time."

You furrowed your brows, crossing your arms as you followed Nines into his apartment building,

"You never said anything about bribing a nurse to get into my hospital room. Where is this all coming from?"

Nines shrugged once more as he unlocked the door to his home, pushing it inward so that it swung open without a sound,

"It never came up as it was hardly anything worth noting. I simply struggled to visit you after your injury due to my non blood relative status. By putting my name down in your contacts, I therefore ensured the issue would never arise again. It also happens to have the added benefit of me having access to your medical history and upcoming appointments as well. Your gynecology appointment is in two weeks by the way."

He stated simply, inspecting the nonexistent dirt beneath his nails as he spoke.

You glared, cheeks burning bright red as you entered his apartment, all but kicking the door shut behind you.

Six more hours of this before you could go home?

You weren't even sure Nines was going to survive the next five minutes.

#DBH x reader #rk900 x reader #nines x reader #nines x reader series #rk900 x reader series #dbh rk900 #connor dbh #dbh blog #dbh fics #rk900 fics #rk900 series #dbh series #dbh nines x reader #dbh connor #ruiner ruination #DBH connor x reader #detroit become human connor x reader

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joltai-showa · 3 months ago

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naruto chapter 4 omg omg

say sike now

what do you mean the snake toad slug combo appears on the cover page of CHAPTER 4

kishi are u kidding me

i mean it's not as much of a shock content as the one in chapter 16 (Kishi put a literal jumpscare on that cover page there lmao)

based ngl

but anyway, Kakashi, just run. these three are about to make your life so much more eventful. and you know you don't want to live an eventful life.

also again why are we entrusting children to jonins who really should be in therapy instead of stopping ten year olds from running head first into an iron fence. like, Tobirama 50 years ago made the foundation of shinobi education system and nobody (read Hiruzen because Minato simply didn't have enough time for such reforms THANK YOU OBITO) bothered to update it. BRO PLEASE TRAIN SOME PROPER EDUCATIONAL SPECIALISTS FOR YOUR GENINS, I SWEAR IT WON'T NEGATIVELY AFFECT KONOHA'S PRODUCTION OF GENIUSES.

oh, another funny thing I remembered. let's talk about the at what age senseis get their kids and have to essentially raise them. thank you, past me, for making the timeline to be able to keep track of this stuff, because shit gets wild, in particular when it comes to the nepotistic line of Hokages.

Obviously, we can't exactly calculate this stuff for Hashirama, Tobirama and Hiruzen, because the first two don't even have canonic ages and Hiruzen was born about 20 years before the foundation of ninja Academy in Konoha, so we can only start off with Hiruzen and sannins

Hiruzen was 24 when Tsunade, Orochimaru and Jiraya graduated (all of them were 6 at the time)

Jiraya was also 24 when Minato became genin (who was 10 at the time)

(I am omitting a certain someone for the funny at the end)

Kakashi was 27 when Team 7 became genins (who were 12-13 at the time)

Okay, so everything seems mostly fine (giving Hiruzen a bunch of 6 year olds to teach is certainly... interesting. no wonder all of them grew up messed up in some capacity), only people in mid-twenties were given students which, considering that the average lifespan of a shinobi in pre-villages era was like 30 years, seems reasonable.

But then we remember about Team Minato. Oh Team Minato.

Now it's a bit of a weird case here, because we can't certainly say at what point Minato was given his first genins as Kakashi graduated at 5, while Rin and Obito at 9. I've seen some absurd ranges for Kakashi's age in OG Naruto/Shippuden and people trying to somehow move his birth date to accomodate for a lot of things (because Kishi likes parallels and never considers if events he is showing make sense when compared to what he has already given in the manga/databooks), but for the sake of me not going insane I'm making my calculations with assumption that all three kids from Team Minato were born on the same year. Now, we have two possibilities:

Minato became a teacher when Kakashi graduated (year 55 after Konoha's foundation)

Minato became a teacher when Rin and Obito graduated (year 59)

And I'm inclined to believe in the second option, because a) genin teams in Konoha operate on three-men basis, so it's really weird for this rule to be broken and this 5 year old kid to be given to a really young jonin (even if both of them are GeNiuSeS) b) Hatake Sakumo aka Kakashi's dad lived until year 58 and was one of the best jonins in the village, even compared to Sannins, so it seems reasonable to me to assume that through years 55 to 58 it was Sakumo who was teaching Kakashi and the year following his death Kakashi got assigned his team and a proper sensei c) I am choosing to believe in Konoha's educational system and them NOT giving children to a literal teenager

Of course, all of the above is valid if we ignore Kakashi's chunin promotion age. Which is 6 years old (Konoha what the fuck are you doing giving the officer rank to 6 YEARS OLD????). If we still work under assumption that all kids were born on the same year, then Kakashi should never have been on the same team as Obito and Rin simply because he became chunin way before they even graduated the Academy. If we choose to believe that Kakashi was younger than Obito and Rin AND graduated the Academy on the same year as them, then he really should have been like a full head lower than Obito during the Kannabi bridge mission lmao, that's a 13 year old beefing with a 9 year old (upd I checked the wiki and while databooks have no info on Kakashi's height during Gaiden, Studio Pierrot did the sheets for his design and he is 148 to Obito's 154, so yeah, no way they are that far apart in age in Gaiden). Anyway, there's really no way to take all of the facts that Kishi dropped over the years and force them to make sense on a single timeline, so some stuff has to be ignored, because other important events will simply never take place because they contradict things from the databooks/other scenes.

Anyway, back to the topic of Minato. Now that we've decided that he got his team on the year 59 with Rin and Obito graduating, let's look at how old he was at the time... oh dear.

So fun fact, Minato is older than his students by whole wooping 10 years (yes, Obito's got a bigger age gap with his senpai than his sensei), meaning that at latest Minato started teaching his kids when he was 19. Oh, and another fun fact: the Third Shinobi World War had been ongoing for a full year at that point.

:)))))))

Honestly, props to Minato. It only took 4 years for someone on the team to die. If I was given a bunch of 9 year olds (one of whom was already severly traumatised by his father's suicide and the other two formed the messiest love triangle since Hashirama/Madara/Uchiha's mossy rock with weird inscriptions) when I was 19 and a war was raging on right outside the village, someone would've been dead in, like, a month max.

(and no I don't care if Kishi repeats "OMG HE'S SUCH A GENIUS" twenty times when referring to Minato, being a genius at shinobi stuff and being a genius at teaching the shinobi stuff is, in fact, two completely different set of skills)

Oh, and one more thing. If I was given a penny every time a 19 year old man with blue eyes and blond hair had to mentor Uchiha Obito, I would have had two pennies, which is not a lot, but really weird that it happened two times.

But back to the chapter

I'm honestly crying at how random and on the nose names in Naruto are lol, like, Hatake Kakashi literally means "scarecrow in the farmlands", Haruno Sakura is "sakura in spring", I'm just so used to Horikoshi's carefully constructed names and hero alias that Naruto feels like such a whiplash

also those ideas for Kakashi's name

you just know that there exists an alternative universe where Kakashi's name means "hoe" and the insults to the guy in fanfiction are just out of this world LMAO

back to the panel and I'm loving his answer, he's any interrogator's worst nightmare

"you on the right" BROTHER THAT'S YOUR TEACHER'S KID

dude chill i'm about to get cut from how edgy you are

(tbf given his backstory this speech really is tragic, but out of context god that's the most 13 year old thing I've read all day)

girlie please he just said he wants to murk someone, chill out

Naruto😭😭😭😭😭

(I mean... eventually? lol)

I just know that Kakashi's looking at all of this and thinking to himself that there's no way in hell he, Obito and Rin could have been this bad🤣🤣🤣🤣

I mean... if Naruto was written by someone capable of doing justice to a female character not once in their lifetime, this wouldn't have been the case, but alas (and this conversation deserves to be done on case by case basis)

"i'm fine"

oh look it's the first honorary "coming late" to Obito😃😃😃😃

dude, please, MAKE A NEW FUCKING TEST

that's the same test that HIRUZEN GAVE TO HIS STUDENTS LITERALLY 45 YEARS AGO, omg Konoha's educational system is hopeless.........

(I get that it's supposed to be a cute reference to teacher-student relationship, but fucking hell, it's the same thing from Hiruzen to Jiraya to Minato to Kakashi, no wonder your villages is still running on the same systems that Tobirama established)

Kakashi you're 27 and you're promising to bully 13 year olds. do you really have nothing better to do. like therapy.

girlie, just yesterday your crush was being edgier than a knife and declaring how he's gonna kill someone, NOW you're worried about things getting dangerous?

Is finding your students in Naruto universe like choosing the flying thingie in the Avatar movies? "How will I know it's the one?" "Oh, it'll try to kill you"

that certainly explains the amount of murder that students seem to try to excercise against their teachers (Orochimaru and Hiruzen, Jiraya and Nagato & Konan, Orochimaru and Sasuke, Minato and Obito, Kakashi and Sasuke, Onoki and Deidara)

#jolt showa's ramblings #naruto

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tiredassmage · 7 months ago

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What I've Been Missing

Aka, I've sat on how the game wrapped things up for a few days now and I think I've finally managed to collect my thoughts about how the end of the realms did not end up going, lol. So I'll finally post my little ramble on how Act III (or... maybe kind of the whole game..ish. This got away from me) wrapped up for my beloved little sorcerer. This, I think, is what I kind of was aiming for with my other Act III roundup post, but I didn't have quite all the cards yet.

First of all, my 70-80 some hours in this particular playthrough specifically for Ambrose (she/he, please!) to be able to look like this for the rest of his life.

The last like four hours of this game really did some numbers on me, frankly. So! Naturally, Act III spoilers + Epilogue spoilers!

Generally speaking, I think the companion stories are probably my favorite element of this game, and perhaps especially with Ambrose, a lot of her growth and discovery is right alongside them. As a short set-up for her own growth in this, she was also in a place at the start of this story where he was trying to flee a life growing up with little to no real agency. Ambrose was born to foretold greatness, so it was only a few times said to her... before anticipation turned to fear of what she was capable of and the unpredictable nature of his magic.

So, instead, "for her own protection," her parents gave her away to be trained rigorously - they were told it would help her control her abilities, but, in the long-run, her master was far more interested in weaponizing her abilities for his own uses.

So, that said, yeah, his companions' struggles along their little tadpole spelunking come to mean quite a lot for him. There's some hiccups along the way, of course - Astarion scares the daylights out of her that one evening he goes looking for a neck to feed from and, unfortunately, the party lost Lae'zel early (which broke my heart, frankly, I love my girl ;_; and this is inconsistent with pretty much every other save I have so it kills me a little that this is the first one I finished because OUGH but I digress) because Ambrose was still a bit too skittish that early on to argue with her assessment of their infection and the rest of the party decided knifing their resident sorcerer had dire consequences.

Which is essentially just to say that doing some advocating for her companions' liberties over the course of the story eventually culminates in confidence-building and a stronger sense of personal identity by the end of things for Ambrose, too.

But she did spend a fair amount of all of this terrified, frankly. He's never needed to be a leader, and that speaks nothing on the stakes of things being so high. It really isn't until Act III, until a lot of her companions find some closure that Ambrose started to find some of his own - that she decided she was no longer going to be a victim of her past; she has a voice, and in times like these... he found there wasn't much room left to not use it. There was nobody else, so she would finally own what had been made of him and take control of it.

Her own abilities, mind. None of this illithid business. She hasn't trusted the Emperor since... ouuughh, sometime in Act II, I think. She grew leery of talk of 'power' and 'potential.' She's heard that all before with her magic.

But, I say that. And I'll also say it's not that she ever trusted Raphael, either, but he's at least... less concerned about Raphael (by a slim margin) than he is of the Emperor.

So a key decision in all of this is:

Ambrose takes Raphael's deal at Sharess's Caress for the Orphic Hammer

And essentially immediately hides and cries a bit about it in Halsin's chest because, essentially, the entire group's reaction to that was: everybody disliked that.

But Ambrose felt at least that they had... some kind of knowledge of the consequences of defying the Hells. She doesn't know what'll really happen when they fight this Elder Brain. He doesn't trust the Emperor. She wants... an option, in short. And Raphael unfortunately catches her right in that. Thus, Ambrose signs the contract not... really with the intent to give Raphael the Crown of Karsus, but she doesn't have a better plan at that exact moment.

And I think that's kind of the tipping point. Some other key highlights as far as companions:

Carrying on from defying Shar in the Shadowfell, Ambrose accompanies her to the House of Grief and kills Viconia for the years of torment she put Shadowheart through. And... heartbrokenly encourages Shadowheart to do what she feels is right in regards to her parents in hopes she'll set herself free from Shar's influence. She does.

Astarion and Ambrose haven't exactly gotten along for much of this journey. Astarion has frankly intimidated him several times over. She gets firmer about pushing back on the Ascenion plan as Act III progresses and the consequences of Cazador's ritual become clearer. Astarion sets the spawn and the Gur children free.

It tastes insanely bitter to urge Wyll to break his contract with Mizora after signing her own soul to Raphael, but driven by her own regret of that decision, she urges Wyll to get out of the contract. They later still manage (to their surprise) locate and save Duke Ravengard.

Gale is taken by Orin from camp - and this is perhaps another key moment where Ambrose feels something strong enough to overcome fear of the dire straights they're all in. After Orin's departure from camp and some tears spent on the stress and the fear of losing one of her closest friends from this journey, Ambrose is very, very certain she's going to kill Orin. Fuck what Gortash wants, this is personal now.

And speaking of Gale, Ambrose and Gale have spent a lot of time trading sad puppy eyes on this adventure. Gale fills a role of a really close friend - and on top of that, one in a predicament that calls to mind her own situation a bit painfully well. So Ambrose has been despaired with him of Mystra's askance and tearfully insisted they'll find some other way (no, she doesn't know what it'll be) to deal with the Absolute. As for where the Crown is concerned... it's another moment where Ambrose finally reaches a point of frustration with rehashing the same ground (a bit like she had with Astarion) and gets firmer and a bit shorter about no, they do not owe a goddess anything, and please for the love of whatever gods we do still somehow care about, can we stop planning to fucking ascend for five damn minutes? [The Crown is ultimately left in the Chionthar, and Ambrose is delighted by Gale's invitation to visit his classes at the academy]

Finding Ansur ends up being its own incredibly defining moment for everything else to come. It's one of the later things I ended up completing, so by then, Orin had fallen and most of the above had been resolved as well, but Ansur's fate solidifies Ambrose's complete mistrust of the Emperor. Perhaps its overly critical or hypocritical of her to feel angered by Ansur's death, to feel it a betrayal of all the values they just endured trials for, but it doesn't matter to her if it is, in that moment. It doesn't present any new path forward, exactly, but it solidifies her judgement that they've been manipulated long enough. It's the last push of confidence-building to finally seek the diabolist Helsik and destroy that contract she made with Raphael. [And after getting back at Orin for threatening Gale, and then seeing the horrors of Raphael's House of "Hope," Ambrose goes after... essentially everything he owns. Oh, and Karlach's heartbreaking disappointment with him that he took the deal in the first place and that they're here. Suffice to say Ambrose takes to clearing the House of Hope with a mentality of "I will take everything from you for what you've done." Which... whether that's healthy growth from the timid, learned helplessness experienced earlier in her story is... perhaps debatable, but frankly I'm gonna root for her anyway.]

So! All of this isn't really at all what I meant to cover in this post, lmao, but I hadn't talked about it anywhere else in any real depth and it kind of sets up where things were at for the ending. Which in short, saw Ambrose refuse to trust the Emperor with the Netherstones and stick to freeing Orpheus, despite knowing... really nothing about him, having missed out on... pretty much the entirety of the githyanki action considering Lae'zel's loss early on.

And I wasn't so sure I was entirely happy with that decision, but after a couple days sitting with it... I think it's still consistent for her. If for no other reason, then it's because it's the path she committed to when he accepted Raphael's deal, and to refute it would have made the entire struggle of dealing and breaking the deal kind of pointless.

But it still cost Karlach, which... isn't really what Ambrose wanted of any of this. After so long of fighting to make choices, and finally getting to a place where she'd dug her confidence up with dirt and blood under her nails... This was really their only option? And Orpheus wasn't... pleased, to say the least. Ambrose isn't pleased to be argued with on "hypotheticals" at that point, either. It's a lot of could have and she's... exhausted and stressed and a little a lot frazzled that they've all been led along by the nose, so as willing as she is to cede to the demanded "Your Majesty" of it all, she's not so willing to stand there and argue about what they can't change. Could have won't save her and her friends now. And just because Karlach volunteers doesn't mean Ambrose is... pleased with watching it happen. Doesn't make her any less concerned about what they've really done in the long-run because Ambrose has about had it with illithids after all of this. Omeluum is alright, he's supposed, so Karlach shouldn't be much different, but it's... still a lot to take in.

But that finally leaves us at the end of things. With Orpheus off to fight a war against Vlaakith and Baldur's Gate facing rebuilding.

Overall, I think what came together is... right by Ambrose's experiences. I imagine her and Shadowheart together go with Halsin; neither elements of the relationship were things I had really anticipated starting Ambrose's playthrough, but... Shadowheart had the confidence to question where Ambrose didn't quite have it yet, early in their relationship. Perhaps ironically, or maybe fittingly, neither of them were exactly the best at self-advocacy early on in their respective struggles, but in each other found the confidence they needed to determine their own futures and make of it what they truly desired, not what was foretold of them.

Halsin I think was the even bigger surprise. I wasn't sure where he and Ambrose were going, only that they got along well and Halsin was a comforting presence in camp for her from early journeys towards Moonrise Towers. But Halsin became a real important pillar of support for him and I think, all together, they can look out for each other when one of them is down with their doubts. And those forehead kisses did numbers on me, frankly. Ambrose needed those so, so badly.

So, I imagine together they set up and build a new life filled with Scratch still sleeping across Ambrose's legs, the owl bear romping around filling the many children they took with them to Thaniel and Oliver's realm. Shadowheart and Ambrose do occasionally adventure and still explore different Selunite holdings and deal with Sharran assassins, but they have a home to return to and Ambrose does not want to stray far from Halsin's side overlong to assure that they will always return. Whenever they do have to leave, however, Ambrose always carries the wooden duck Halsin carves him in his pack to remind her of home.

And it is good to see everyone again at the reunion. Ambrose, for one, thinks they couldn't miss it for the world. Shadowheart and Halsin especially, of course, she asked to stick with her through the end and they've supported him closely, but all of them did. Despite the circumstances and the trials of everything... Those friendships he would not like to lose. And... I think I'll be crying about the whole journey perhaps one more time, recapping it, lol.

And as a sort of personal note of it all, it was just... really nice to get to explore Ambrose more deeply this way. He was a briefly explored oc in a different game I didn't finish up with, and she got a real new life here where she's grown a lot and I've gotten to see his story to a real completion which is just. super fulfilling and mostly heartwarming, even for the tearjerking moments, lol.

And I have... ohhh, probably at least 12 other characters bumping around in my 435+ hours of playing this game as well, so I will certainly have more adventures to tell of eventually! Who to finish next is the question, hehe!

(+ some final excerpts from the epilogue / end of things <3 bc they are all so so dear to me; they dressed her so so pretty for the epilogue ;_; everyone looking fantastic tho tbh)

#dot's bg3 tag #dot talk #vs: the self is not so weightless / nor whole and unbroken | bg!ambrose #bg3 screenshots #bg3 tav

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the-firebird69 · 1 year ago

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Thin Lizzy - Whiskey In The Jar 1973 Video Sound HQ

youtube

And only several people left the beer and her son is putting a call out to anyone and everyone who's been abused by Stalin at any point in time and the max seem to not have it together and he's not sure but he wants people to all get there transportation together and their lawn mowers and bring them to your factories for retrofit and we are going to make vehicles tons and tons of mini and tons of international harvesters and it's going to go on all day and night and we're opening factories everywhere so turn those lights on and get that six pack and put it right up there and let's move it out and yeah they're putting them up on flatbeds and the people sitting on the lawn mower as it's going down the road this is quite a sight but it goes to every man woman and child who can get themselves a rider lawn mower and we can't retrofit the zero turn radius but we can use the motors some of the motors that arrive are not in great shape and people are tracking whose motor they are and who and they're getting vehicles to people this is going to be a wonderful day there are factories all over the world and if they're not opened drive up with your lawn mower and find out where your guy is and get him to open it up cuz we're going to open this thing up and it's starting to work already and remember if you run into a bunch of clones in your way to mow them down and our son and daughter said that last line

Thor Freya

Is that what this is all about and not really but we have to do that if we have to

A cork

I've had enough of this we're doing this too

Trumpster the second part is we're having fun and yeah I kind of inebriated so it takes me a little longer

We're moving out and we're getting it done my people are moving now

Daniel

I've got a huge loads of it going to my factory tons of them and they're moving out right now

Ken

We have about 50,000 believe it or not but we know what to do with it it's the makeshift Tumblr and we can just barely fit and that stretching it really helped us out it was stretching a buck for real we need these things and they're fasting the dunes in the sand when you change the differential and you use the gears they go about 180 miles an hour and their stealth and we're moving out and we're getting it done

Billium

And what do you do Mr Ray he's going to wait for the international harvester because nobody dares getting one because the code and we might just do that because you're saying it

A cork a trump

And we're moving out here too we're getting stuff done and getting ready for Monday because you guys are a bunch of assholes regardless if you're helping you want the ships and we want the ships you're the best lawn mower man to win

Daniel

I'm a lawnmower man it's me Dave AKA Dan I've got so many people coming to my factory it's not even funny and for electric motors and I have to explain what we're doing and stop secret of nature so we have to check for people are we have some clothes we have some information FYI do it yourself dui

Dan dave

And never trust a guy with two first names my son lives by it and yeah he's a baby but we follow him this is some of his nonsense is what Hera has been saying for the past hour

Olympus

Now he's saying I get my rapier and all sorts of dumb things he's not serious like he says the other people I'm saying back shots rained out of whoever like some Daddy-O that's something like that so I'm going to huge bunch of lawn mowers and I'm in Mexico and I'm opening a factory and people are coming to me they said we send you money and we know you didn't get it but we want to open a factory and baby doll too and she does that KIA factory if you were going to do it and a lot of times okay tons of them and my husband says I can't wait for the impromptu meeting cuz I can't figure out how to use the radio again

Katya Equiz I'm still going to change the name cuz you're in trouble and you're sinking fast and I want you to bring me down with you Trump

I got this is the American way and I can't impose my will in every single person I certainly can try but I really have to get elected so I got to do something and this is giving me courage so I'm going to try and get my stuff out and get it out here and not sit in my fat ass out there

Trump

There's a ton of things we need to do and we need fire equipment and we need manpower for it and tons of it and he says there's an old truck sitting around usually electrical trucks and things like that if the motor is not good if you find a motor and you're usually pretty good for fire truck stuff cuz you have the boom I want to look for those there's a ton of them in the Midwest and there's not much electrical work and I don't know if we're doing anything then we say no they're just sitting there and we can sell them or trade for international harvesters tell you what you guys get together some people who agree on it in Indiana open up factories a reopen them for the international harvesters and we know what we're talking about and we're talking about this vehicle and we're going to show up with all those boom trucks and I need some down here to fix stuff too and some are in better shape but really if you need better shape for fire trucks and we have fire trucks too and we want to know where they're going and what they're for and we're going to meet you in Indiana and you can call the firehouse down there we're going to coordinate with them we're moving out now

Thor Freya

Olympus

#Youtube

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r-u-living · 8 months ago

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Nunemakers Parable is the penultimate song in Owen Tradmakers (Everybodys Worried About Owen) album "Nunemakers Swingset." There is a story to this album, but that isn't what I want to talk about today! I'm going to ramble about the similarities with the lyrics of Nunemakers Parable and Kaz Brekkers' backstory in Six of Crows/Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

First Verse:

"There was a wanderer who found his way to God

Or maybe it was Lucifer under some false facade

Broken down and tattered

Compound fractures in his sleeves

Shoe soles nailed together

But he never seemed to bleed, "

So the song starts with a traveller. He has ripped clothes, and his shoes are hanging on by a thread. He is dirty, and he is poor and lost and angry at the world. He does not expect anything to be given to him. This is Kaz after Reapers Barge. He is tired and traumatised and, most importantly, angry. He is angry at the world for taking his brother away from him, and now he knows that people are not to be trusted. That the world will never just hand you something on a plate without it being poisoned. He is trying to ask for "Jakob Hertzoon" (Aka: Pekka Rollins). At this point, I don't think he fully understands what Pekka did. Pekka played into the need of a father for both Kaz and Jordie and then left. At this point, Kaz has lost three people he saw as almost his father figures: His real father, Jordie, and Pekka. He's trying to scream out for all of them. He's just a kid he doesnt know what to do. He wants his Dad or his brother or a man who fits the criteria perfectly.

The Lucifer lyric is Kaz. Kaz sees himself as evil. There is no more nice left in him. The "God" is younger Kaz. Carefree, Kaz. Lucifer is Kaz as he is now. Battle worn. He's looking at his past self and crawling to him on his knees. He wants to go back. To see Jordie. To hug his brother one more time.

Second Verse:

"With one desperate push

His poor diaphragm forced out a plea, "

Kaz is pleading from Reapers Barge from the bodymen to come back for him. To show him that there is still a tiny piece of good in this world. That he is worth saving. But he can't scream. Or he can, but the men don't hear him. Or maybe they do. But this is Ketterdam, after all. Nobody does anything for free. So they sail away back to the harbour, wondering what they'll get for dinner. Thinking about their next shifts. How their partners are. Anything bit "Was that a scream? Did we leave a child on a pile of dead bodies, one of which is his own brother?"

Third Verse:

"He said: One home burned down, one fell apart

One met a flood, and one was nothing from the start

Weapons build against me, well, they all seem to fail

But weapons built against my home

They always will prevail,"

Kaz's first home was the farm. The farm he spent most of his time running around shrieking in with Jordie at his heels and his father yelling for them to come inside for dinner. When his father died, the farm burnt (metaphorically) down. What was left if there wasn't anyone to laugh with you until your stomach hurt. What would be left if the person who is supposed to be there forever dissappears?

His second home was with Jordie. It fell apart. When they went to Ketterdam, it was supposed to be a new start at life. No more farm boys. Climb the ladder. Get to the top. Yell with happiness. Be rich. But as we know, that didn't happen. Jordie died and left Kaz alone with no way to climb.

The streets. Before the Dregs, he worked on the streets. Got quite a reputation as well. But that was washed away. Theif. That's what they yelled after him. Have to admit it made him grin.

His fourth home. The longest one. The Dregs. It was damp and leaky and drippy, but (and he would never admit this to anyone even himself) he loved it. That has never really been real, though. All see-through. He loved Jesper (again, he would never admit it), but then it crumbled and broke and built itself back up again with new people. Wylan, Nina, Mattias.

Fourth Verse:

"So leave me my liver and leave me my skin

Leave me the way all those other homes did

But leave me a soul, only by definition

I don't want to feel anything,"

Kaz doesn't expect anything from the world. The world left him in a river surrounded by death and let him crawl himself out different and broken. No long Kaz Rietveld. He was Dirtyhands. Maybe he could collect himself piece by piece. Dust himself off. For Inej. For Jesper. For Wylan. For Nina. For Mattias. For them.

The world to Kaz Brekker is uncaring. Cold. The word does not look after you. The only thing the world owes him is a soul. And it hardly gave him that.

Fifth Verse:

"My neurons are snapping like cat gut strings

A symphony of agony

I don't wanna hear, and I don't wanna sing

I don't wanna breathe incompletely

I am mourning

I am morning

So break me anew,"

Kaz is the owner of the Dregs in everything, but name. He doesn't want to listen to Inej. He doesn't want to be here. He has been in mourning for far too long. Using these parts, I will puzzle them together.

Kaz is in charge, and he is stressed. That's normal for being in charge. "A symphony of agony." That's Kaz every time somebody brushes against him. The screaming of skin against skin is painful, and all he can concentrate on even if there's a gun pressed against his head.

"I don't wanna hear, and I don't wanna sing

I don't wanna breathe incompletely." That's Inej. Both with his feelings for her and with how she tries to tell him that deep down under the grit, he is a good person. He loves her. And he will not listen to those feelings. He will not sing for Inej. He doesn't want to breathe because when he does, all he can smell is Inej and death.

"I am mourning

I am morning

So break me anew,"

He is still mourning for Jordie and his father. He never stopped. And he will break himself over and over again before he admits it.

Sixth Verse:

"Well, I'll find every sick fuck I can

And I'll make them a deal

With no conscience, I'll make money and

I'll lie and cheat and steal

And that money won't bring happiness

But let me ask what does

'Cause I've found a place, and those sick fucks

Well, they turned it to dust,"

This is arguably the most Kazish verse. Every line is so him. This verse is about the Dregs. The sick fucks are probably Dime Lions they sound like the Dregs and Dime Lions are the same people and they kind of are. They are in the same situation. Both on the streets in a gang both commiting crimes, but in the end, they are the same.

"And if I can't have justice

I might as well join the unjust,"

This is Kaz's philosophy. Kill or be killed.

Seventh Verse:

"The floorboards smelled like lemonade

Prepared for our arrival

The air was clean and crisp

Just like a tonic for survival

Well, I wrote my name in charcoal

On the bathhouse where we cried

So now I'm broken fundamentally

And nobody gets why,"

This is Jakob Hertzoon house. He and Saskia hid in the bathouse and cried when Kaz had to leave. Jakob Hertzoons floorboards always smelt like lemonade after Kaz spilt some of his. He is broken. I don't need to say why.

Eighth Verse:

"So give me what drugs you got, give me your meds

Give me a cocktail to sedate my head

Abandon, all hope of my moral salvation

They already took that from me,"

It was confirmed that Kaz drinks. I don't know if they have drugs in the Grishverse, but the moral salvation part is spot on. Ketterdam took away his innocence. It stole it and added it to its horde of children turned criminals. "They" is the merches,its Pekka its Jordie its the men that didn't look behind them.

Ninth Verse:

"The sky was an angel of morning's heat

With languid, shiny curls of aquamarine

And when I close my eyes and when I dare to dream

When I think I might shatter completely

I can feel them in my hands

But I can't go back again

My neurons are snapping like cat gut strings

A symphony of agony

I don't wanna hear, and I don't wanna sing

I don't wanna breathe incompletely

I am mourning

I am morning

So break me anew,"

One moment to let me fangirl about these lyrics: JasbhsHHhaghwhababhsFffFFFFFfAaaaaaaHaha!!!!

Okay, back to Kaz. "The sky was an angel of morning's heat with languid, shiny curls of aquamarine." Okay, these lyrics don't add as much, but I imagine this was one of the few hot days Ketterdam had. I think this was the day after Kaz got out of the river. It was a hot day, so rich people came out of their homes and danced down the streets, and everyone was happy. That did not settle right with Kaz. His brother just died, and now the universe is sending him a hot day? The ultimate betrayal.

"And when I close my eyes and when I dare to dream, when I think I might shatter completely, I can feel them in my hands, but I can't go back again," This is about touch. About whenever his and Inej's hands brush, all he feels is cold clammy death.

"Turns out that the god he found was just a little girl

Sitting on a swingset

Just a little girl

She said, "Mister, you look tired

I will let you go, but first

I think that what you're asking for

It just might make things worse."

The little girl is Inej/Wylan. Inej is always trying to dig for that little bit of good in him no matter how far down it is, and Wylan won't leave it alone. Wylan is new. He isn't new to violence or horror, but he's new to the streets, and that makes him Kaz when he first came here. He is like Kaz Rietveld. And Kaz hates it.

Why is Nunemakers Parable (especially 2nd and 3rd verses) so Kaz Brekker, tho?????

#everybody's worried about owen #kaz brekker #kaz #brekker #kaz dirtyhands brekker #kaz fucking brekker #six of crows #six #of #crows #crooked kingdom #Nunemakers Parable #music #kaz rietveld #lyrical analysis

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mimisempai · 3 years ago

Text

Safe and sound

Summary:

A nightmare woke Mobius in the middle of the night, what if he hadn't arrived in time to save Loki?

Notes:

Prompt request : "Do you want to talk about it ?" https://archiveofourown.org/works/38519902 510 words - Rating G

"Sir, there's something you'll want to see."

The analyst who had just passed the time door handed him a file.

It was him.

Loki.

With the stamp « apprehended" in red on his picture.

Once past the time door, Mobius began to run for the first time down the TVA's hallways. His run seemed endless and when he reached the back of the courtroom, he heard Judge Renslayer's voice, "Variant L1130 aka Loki Laufeyson is sentenced to be pruned, effective immediately."

Mobius shouted to stop but no sound came out of his mouth and he only had time to see Loki disappear before his eyes.

"Lokiiii!"

Mobius awoke with a start, his heart pounding and his breathing short as if he had really just run.

"Mobius? Are you okay?"

The familiar voice definitely brought him out of his dream and Loki's hand on his shoulder finished anchoring him to reality.

He tried to slow down the pace of his breathing by trying to inhale and exhale deeply.

"1...2...3...in...1...2...3...out"

"Hey love are you alright?" asked Loki again as he slipped his arms around Mobius, pulling him gently towards him.

Mobius turned to face Loki and Loki saw a relieved expression slowly appear on his face. Mobius gently moved his hand forward to gently touch his face and said softly, "You're here."

Loki pressed a light kiss to the forehead of Mobius, who curled up against him.

He whispered again against Loki's chest, "You are alive. I found you." Then he turned his head to listen to Loki's heartbeat, to make sure he was alive.

Loki continued to caress his back and cradle him.

After a few moments, he asked him softly with a worried voice, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Mobius looked up and took Loki's face in his hands, "I had a dream… that I didn't make it to the TVA court on time, and that you got pruned in front of my eyes."

Loki looked contrite, "My poor love, believe me I know exactly how painful it is. To have the person you love disappear before your very eyes. But it didn't happen, you came in time to save me. My hero. "

Mobius laughed softly, "I feel anything but a hero, but I'm extremely glad I made it in time."

Loki nodded, "Not as much as I am. Even at that moment when everyone was condemning me, you were already there ready to save me and put your career on the line. If that doesn't make you a hero, then nobody deserves that title."

He pressed his lips to Mobius' to prevent him from retorting and Mobius surrendered, far too relieved to have his beloved in his arms. Alive and safe.

After long minutes, when they parted, Loki wrapped his arms around him again and Mobius tightened his grip on him.

They fell asleep like that, one against the other and did not let go of each other all night, both needing to reassure themselves that they were alive and together.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story 🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Lokius masterlist : here

Lokius drabbles collection : here

#lokius fics #lokius #loki series #loki #mobius m. mobius #moki #wowki #lokius rights #lokius forever #loki x mobius #fluff #mobius m mobius #tooth rotting fluff #established relationship

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lavender-ski · 3 years ago

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Rant Time! Aka I hate my fucking job!

Okay so let me just say, fuck the fast food industry. I have worked in it for the past 3 years and I'm no where near the person I was when I started. Im pretty much a cold hearted bitch at this point. And id like to say im mature enough to not let it change and get the best of me but im not so...whatever. Now if you have never worked fast food before, lucky you. Now I know people who work in sit down restaurants and bars have it shitty too but because I have no experience there, this whole post is just about fast food restaurants.

Now I work in an 24/7 food joint. I started here at 18 years old right after high school and about 2 months of working here I got a full time shift. The grave yard shift where i worked from 10pm to 6am. I was in the window/headset and it was me and one other person 95% of the time. Which is a joke. From 9pm to about 330 am we are having the busiest hours. Nobody else in the entire day, morning and dinner shift, are as busy as us. But we are only givin just to two of us. But the morning shift has 5 people. 2 of them are Team/Shift Leaders one is our GM and or the AGM. And then our prep lady. And 1/4 of our (grave yard) sales. Dinner is a little more messy. Typically with one Team/Shift Leader and three minors and like one adult crew person. And 1/2 our sales. But grave yeard only get two people. Like what? Why? That doesn't make any sense!

Now keep this all in mind when I tell you that on top of all of this we have to get a 4 minute average time in the drive through. If we do not keep a 4 min average, we could either lose our job, lose our management position if we have one, get hated on by the other shifts, and called while sleeping to explain to the boss why we couldn't make time. And it's so fucking stressful that I was 18 and walking home crying. I would get home and shake. See spots. Vomit. My legs would be so sore that I would be extremely stiff.

On this shift I got to expirence a riot because our promo ended, 4 cars get rear-ended in the drive through, people throwing food at our window just because, 2 managers break down, people just walking off and quitting, about 3 naked people, 20+ druggies, and rin the store completely by myself with no help from my higher ups. All at 18 years old.

At 19 I got management and that next Thanksgiving I quit. Now I'm back because and have been for a couple months. I got layed off of my other job because department stores are almost non-existence. And I didn't have enough experience to go to another one. So I found my way back here and lemme tell you, this shit got WORSE! Like HOW?!

So drama has ALWAYS been a big problem here. A lot of backstabbing, gossip, blaming and so on and so forth. And not just with like the crew but like upper management. But it really bad now. So there's a nother store in our district that is run by my new bosses (3rd one in this store) mom. Now for a little back story, that whole store got covid. Every single one. Back when covid was new, like that first summer new. Anyways, pretty much every one quit but 7 people and my bosses mom. 8 people running a 24/7 store. It's insane. And she (the mom) would beg our district manager for help. Of any kind. So what he did was he called her and said that he wanted a meeting to talk to her about her schedule. Normal, right? Nope. Instead he demoted her to team/shift Leader (2 steps down) and made another stores gm gn of her store and there store. THEN THIS MAN HAD THE AUDACITY TO TELL HER TO NOT TELL ANYONE WHAT HE DID BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TROUBLE!!!!!! this bitch. Long story short everyone quit. Shes getting lawyers and the gm that is now running two store just put her 2 weeks in yesterday because she also, wasn't getting any help.

Sorry for the rant I just have a lot on my mind and I needed to put it somewhere where someone I don't know can see it and say "Dame. Happy that ain't me!!!"

#fast food #burgers #burger and fries #milkshake #bosslady #fuck my life #fuck you #burger king #mcdonald's #jack in the box #five guys #full time jobs #graveyard #taco bell #tacotime #subway #agm #gm

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thetwistedargent · 3 years ago

Note

About your post under that Djin talk between Tom and Liz gifset, my two cents:

1) Tom wanted out of this life, full of secrets, lies and risks? Seriously? All he's ever done in his relationship with Liz, both before and after Agnes' birth, is kept secrets from the woman he claimed to love, lied and took unnecessary risks that, in the end, got him killed.

2) It's a little weird for me to hear Liz tell Tom that she's done many terrible things and hurt so many people like he's much better than her while in reality he's also done a lot of terrible things and hurt a lot of people – and I dare to bet that he's done much more terrible things and hurt much more people, unnecessarily, just like that harbor master he killed back in the second season just to put more emotional pressure on Liz so she would break and let him go (that's one of the many reasons why I don't like him, to put it mildly, and why I don't like Keen2) – too.

3) Of course, he would stay by/on her side forever, when she's got such a big influence on Red. It's only logical from the selfish point of view Tom always had to be close to Liz ( and – later – Agnes ) if it meant that he would be both protected from Red and by Red that way.

4) Of course, he understood her. Understood how easy it had always been to play her. All he had to do was convince her that he truly loved her (which wasn't that hard, either – some puppy eyes, a few beautiful words and Liz's desire to have a normal life and not be wrong about him did the rest), and he was safe by her side (well, safer than he would be on his own, considering Red's attitude towards Liz and those she loves).

5) Red had also never looked at Liz any different, no matter what. He never saw her as a criminal, even when Ressler, the Task Force, the whole world did. He never judged her, no matter how wrong she was or how many people she hurt or how much she hurt and/or betrayed him.

Hell, she broke his heart (more than once, including the time she led him – and all her friends and loved ones – to believe that she was dead, which almost destroyed him), she put him in prison, she put him on the death row, she put him in danger (more than once), she tried to kill him (more than once), and yet he always forgave her and continued to love her and save her and protect her to the best of his abilities, no matter what.

He never intentionally hurt her, never pointed his gun at her, never used her as a shield or for his own benefit, while Tom did all of the above.

Red always stayed on and by Liz's side, even against his better judgement, even when it threatened his reputation/his business/his well-being/his life.

Red always knew that she didn't belong in the darkness of the underworld, that she was good, that she was the light.

When he looked at Liz, Red actually saw the woman he loved with all his heart, the woman who was his heart, his life, his way home, the meaning of his life, the source of his power, his everything.

And he actually saw a woman who was inherently good and did all she could to try and do the right thing in difficult situations she was both forced into and walked into herself and he tried to keep her from going the wrong path, even if he didn't always succeed.

1.) Of course he wanted out! He said so himself! My god, he was a kid when he forced into this life. He wanted the passports from Liz to get away from it. He told her multiple times that he didn't want to be a spy. He tried to get his job back as a teacher. He tried, but the life/ Reddington/ Liz kept pulling him back.

2.) They both did terrible things. Liz just hadn't finished doing her terrible things when she got with Tom. Look at what she became a few years later. She was well on that path. She stabbed Red in the neck episode 1. She killed Tom Connolly. She held Tom prisoner and tortured him! And that was all before they got back together.

3.) Tom wanted to get as far away from Red as possible. That's why he asked Liz to run away with him multiple times. That's why he tried to do the heist with Gina. That's why he and Liz faked her death. They both wanted to get away from Liz. Did you see the devastation when Tom had to get back on that plane in Cuba with Red knowing that he failed and that he and Liz were still under Red's thumb?!

4.) Like I said before, they were both kids from a broken home who grew into broken adults. They just wanted love. Tom never had anybody love him for who he was until Liz (post-divorce). Same for Liz. He understood how complicated her life was BECAUSE OF REDDINGTON. Nobody else could understand that complicated relationship like Tom because Tom also had a similar relationship.

5.) Bullshit. Red looked at Liz different after she went dark in season 5 and started to dig up stuff about his past. As soon as she wanted answers that he didn't want to give her, everything changed. Even in 8, he looked at her differently. He judged her for the things she did when if he had just told her the truth, she would have never had to do those things. He blamed her for Dom's death. And don't even get me started on the way he physically looked at her during Anne.

They both broke each other's heart, but it was Red's own damn fault. If he had just been honest with Liz all of this could have been avoided. He knew that she was desperate for answers, but he refused to give them to her. He drove her to darkness/ madness and even as she was DYING he refused to give her answers. Red controlled Liz. He never let her have a say in her own life.

He literally let her ruin her entire life because he wouldn't tell her that the woman he shot wasn't actually her mother!

And then he had so little faith in her, thought she was so far gone, that he actually tried to coerce her into killing him for the truth aka the one thing she was so desperate to gain.

Sure, Red cared about Liz and loved her. She might have been the source of his power, but he did my girl dirty. He could have ended her suffering years ago by telling her the damn truth, but he was too selfish. His selfishness got Liz killed and it got Anne killed too.

#don't come @ me anymore #I said what I said #the blacklist is not my canon

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joys-ramblings · 1 year ago

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And outside of the romance WWX should logically undergo character growth and realise his faults before making peace with his past. Not notoriously forget bad stuff and leave the past buried - which only works when he has a partner like LWJ to lean on.

I disagree with this strongly actually. 'Redemption arc' vs 'Enlightenment arc' has been floating around for a while. I was planning to write something on it later, I won't go into details here, but I'll float the idea.

And literary analysis aside, sometimes the healthiest thing to do for everyone is drop things and run. Of course reconciliation and fixing things is ideal, but that doesn't always work. WWX's first life has demonstrated repeatedly that it doesn't always work.

At least to me, WWX's actions make as much sense as JC's, aka. complete sense considering the information that he has and the mental state that he is in.

WWX being favoured by JFM. This isn't WWX's fault, and you can't expect the teenager to magically know how to mediate. Besides, the 'no he doesn't dislike you, you are his son and heir' is honestly the best reassurance WWX can give. He even tops it off with 'I swear my loyalty to you' (declaration of love). WWX's minus points comes from turning his back on this promise later, but that is with good reason. aka...

Defecting to the Wens - JC doesn't know this, but WWX knows Wen Ning and Wen Qing are their benefactors. In terms of moral obligation, he absolutely cannot abandon them. Note that this is a really tricky situation to be in. He gives all the arguments that he can to JC without telling him about the core transfer. If he tells JC about the core transfer, a) he will have a meltdown b) it really won't fix the situation. From WWX's perspective, better JC misunderstand him, maybe even despise him a little, than break. Maybe there were other things to be done, like negotiation or wtv, but WWX isn't in the best place to think these things through. From WWX's perspective, this is a totally reasonable action.

Golden Core - this was an act of self-sacrifice. Sure JC didn't ask for it, but WWX didn't tell him about it for this exact purpose - because he's not doing it for JC to owe him anything. Not to say JC should take this without complaint, just that WWX's intentions were exceedingly good.

For Wen Ning's words, can we appreciate that a) Wen Ning isn't WWX and b) Wen Ning has good reasons to be pissed at JC, independently of WWX.

WWX did suffer the consequences of his actions. He lost everything he held dear to him. He died. Quite a painful death probably. He anguished, regretted, and died with no one on his side, with no intention of returning. The second life was an accident.

And what could be done after this point? I think what JC wants if for none of it to have happened. But it's too late. It's already happened. They've hurt each other trying to help each other. They've given everything for the other, and it's all led to nothing but pain. WWX knows this. From his perspective, he's the one who's given more, and has nothing left to give. Besides, the sect is doing fine, JC is alive and relatively well, with a golden core. Arguably, the best thing for them at this point is to part ways (and maybe start a journey of reconciliation when things are many degrees cooler)

LWJ also knows this. LWJ knows WWX has been criticised by everyone (and in fact, criticised him himself when nobody else would), and the fact that he tried so hard has never been appreciated. LWJ sees him for who he is, rather than who the world has made him become, and stands by him against everyone else because he knows WWX is right (aka. Jin Guangyao is sus). Yes, he is blind to JC's perspective, but that makes sense from his own upbringing etc. (I love LWJ lol. I will fight on this hill)

I'm reminded of a parable of the spider's thread. Ignoring the rest of the context, if a single thread of salvation can be lowered for a man whose only good deed is to not kill a spider, WWX, for all his goodness, deserves far more than a single thread. In fact, I think he deserves an entire person who supports him wholeheartedly. (Wen Ning, LSZ, LJY etc. don't count, bc WWX deserved their support in other ways)

(JC is also deserving, but he can get this in the form of JL + a new second in command)

I'm going to come out and say that the more I re-read MDZS the more I actually HATE WWX.

I know he's a protag so everything is supposed to be about "poor me I've done nothing wrong" but I can't stand those types of people. He would be a person where if he existed in real life I would not be able to be around him.

I've actually become more of a Jiang Cheng apologist (actually, no, because that implies that he's ever done anything wrong).

I read through all the main points and here are a few things that piss me off. Please add on if I missed something:

WWX is obviously favored by JFM and if JC brings up this concern, all WWX says is: "no he doesn't lol you're so silly I'm not his son" TBH WWX wasn't his child but JFM had a son and it wasn't JC

Golden Core transfer. Need I say less (and fuck you Wen Ning for saying JC didn't deserve the core and the power he had wasnt actually his. He cultivated it for YEARS to get it to where it is today. It is NOT WWXs core anymore. Fuck all yall)

WWX defecting from YMJ and going with the Wens when JC had NOTHING. No sect, no support, no family. He's a new sect leader and has no resources or money to do anything or go against anyone. And thanks WWX for defending the people that, you know, massacred his family but whatever. (I understand they were innocent but still, I can tell it would really hurt JC)

Along with the defecting, WWX and LWJ broke into Lotus Pier and BOWED TO MADAM YU AND JFM WITHOUT JCs APPROVAL. DISRESPECTFUL AS HELL I KNOW WHY JC WAS PISSED. WWX had NO RIGHT to be there after everything he had done.

WWX tells JC to leave everything in the past. As usual, he is running away and not accepting any consequences for the many, many, things he's done wrong. If I were JC, I would permanently ban him from Lotus Pier and kill on sight because if he wants to leave things in the past, then that includes WWX.

Lastly, WWX never once defends JC. Whether it be against LWJ, Wen Ning, or other people that say terrible shit to him because they're being petty. Not once does he come to his defense.

To end my rant, WWX is actually a very terrible person (and so is Lan Wangji. Fight me) with no sense and I finally realized it after re reading the book multiple times. Come at me if you want but this is my honest opinion and I get why JC is such an ass because BITCH ME TOO GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.

Hopefully I have some support here but I also know I'm going to get some hate.

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plutotown · 5 years ago

Text

Better Off — Ricky Bowen (Part 3)

Part 1: here

Part 2: here

Summary: A night at the El Rey theatre makes it impossible for you to avoid Ricky, but little did you know that it’s impossible for him to stay away from you.

Ship: Ricky Bowen x Reader (can apply to female or male)

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.28k

Tags (aka people who I think would like it): @ppkrtingle @bocauhl @hunnybears @marsvesl @chaoticgoodisa @iridescentkippen

Author’s Note: I simply COULD NOT resist making a part three! Also, I wrote the lyrics in this myself. It kinda goes with the beat to All I Want but, like, they’re my lyrics? I don’t know, appreciate my efforts, okay? I also thought I would be posting this in 2020 but I ended up having some time on my hands and finished writing it, so enjoy!

(I do not own any gifs used)

“I wish I knew how to let you go. I wish you knew how to love me so...”

These past few weeks have been rough. You’ve tried your best to recover from the biggest heartbreak from your life, but right now it seemed practically impossible to do that.

“You mean the world to me, but clearly I don’t mean yours. I hate having my heart being put through all these wars...”

With opening night of High School Musical nearing, you couldn’t not be around Ricky. He was everywhere you were, so avoiding him was a no go. So, while you and the rest of cast were in a old, semi run down theater you took the time to get some alone time. It was just you and a a piano, just the way you liked it.

“I played your game, and we know who won. If only there was some way to run. Cause every time I have a chance, you hurt me again, and no matter the case I’m the one who’s put to blame...”

Pouring your heart out into lyrics was harder than it seemed, but it helped. You needed a way to cope, and music was just the trick. Works every time, 100% guaranteed.

You didn’t care if everyone heard, well, maybe not everyone, but that wasn’t the point. The point was to heal from your pain, and work on yourself, even if a certain someone never seemed to leave your mind.

“Now I’m gonna sing this song just to get my message through...” You sang, closing your eyes as you eased into the chorus. “How can I love you when I know you‘ll never feel the same? How can I sleep at night when my feelings are just a game? I wanna scream wishing we could just be something more...”

As you sang, a certain someone could overhear the sounds of your singing, and that certain someone so happened to be Ricky. He slowly tiptoed towards the door of the storage room you were in, and leaned against it to hear you better.

“It must’ve been something I’ve said or something I’ve swore because no matter what I do, I’m always a bore.” You sighed at the last line. Who would’ve thought that the truth hurt so much? “You say I’m just a friend, but we know how this would end. If it’s up to you that‘s all gonna have to depend. I know me and you could be more than just a dream...”

Continuing to play on the piano, Ricky slowly opened the door without you realizing. Of course he comes in at the part that screams that what she’s singing is about him. “After all I’ve done, you won’t get over her. I can’t seem to make me the one you prefer. And I may be better off, but you refuse to leave my mind...”

Singing louder than before, you belted the chorus without any care. Ricky stood by the door, blown away by your voice once more. “How can I love you when I know you‘ll never feel the same? How can I sleep at night when my feelings are just a game? I wanna scream wishing we could just be something more...”

“It must’ve been something I’ve said or something I’ve swore because no matter what I do, I’m always a bore. You say I’m just a friend, but we know how this would end. If it’s up to you that‘s all gonna have to depend. Now I know me and you were only just a dream...” You played the last notes, and as you did something in the room fell, and you jumped to see Ricky standing from afar. How great is that? Not.

“Y/N-”

“What are you doing here?” You ask abruptly, not giving him any chance to explain himself just yet.

“I, uh, heard singing and-”

“So you just came in without permission?” You cross your arms.

“Well, yeah-”

“Get out.” You demanded, standing up and pointing to the door.

“What-”

“Get out!”

“No!” Oh yeah, Ricky had enough. He had done a lot of thinking, and he realized many things, one of them being that you couldn’t not be in his life. He needed you more than anything else, and you refused to see that. There were just some things Ricky wished he saw in Nini, but he didn’t. Why? Because nobody else is like you.

“Look, I’m sorry. More than you think.” Ricky said, looking down at the ground.

You didn’t say a word, because you could see the guilt in his eyes. It was clear that he was sorry and that there was something else going on in his head, but you were aware of what that something else was.

“I just...” He paused, walking closer to you, trying to continue his apology. “Remember in kindergarten how you'd meet a kid and know nothing about them, then ten seconds later you play like you're best friends because you didn't have to be anything but yourself?”

“Ricky, why are you quoting High School Musi-”

“Singing with you felt like that.” Ricky admitted. Yes, he was quoting one of Gabriella’s lines, but it was the truth. Singing with you gave him a feeling he never felt before, he couldn’t even describe it.

“Ricky...” You frowned. “That’s Gabriella’s line.”

Okay, you weren’t getting the point, which frustrated Ricky a little, so he had to take a different approach.

“This isn’t working.” He sighed, which confused you. “Huh?”

"That night I... I avoided kissing you even though I wanted to.” You crashed your hand on the piano, making a bunch of unpleasant noises. Did he really just admit that he wanted to kiss you? Yes, yes he did, and you were internally screaming on the inside because of it.

“I’m sorry, what-”

“I realized that nobody can live up to my first crush.” Ricky said, and again, you were confused. Maybe you were too oblivious to see the facts, or maybe Ricky was just extremely bad at expressing how he felt.

"Minnie mouse?” You asked obliviously.

"Well actually, she was my second." Ricky said, looking directly at you. Was he trying to hint that you were his first crush? Absolutely. Was this his way of telling you? Absolutely.

Now you two stood close to each other, eyes meeting and hearts racing. Of course you wondered what happened with Nini because you never imagined this happening, but you didn’t care in the moment, all you cared about was the guy in front of you, who was giving you the ultimate heart eyes.

"It was me, wasn't it?" You asked quietly. Ricky simply nodded in response, and that was just enough for you.

You took the chance that you had been waiting for by placing a hand on his cheek and leaning in, and it seemed that the feeling was mutual, since Ricky leaned in as well, no turning away at the last minute.

With each second, your heart felt as if it were going to burst. Was this finally happening? Were you actually going to get what you wanted after all these years? Yes and yes.

Ricky places his hands on your waist and your lips crashed onto his, fireworks exploding in your head. You had imagined this happening before, but you didn’t imagine it being better than the fantasy in your head.

As you both pulled away, you looked at each other happily. Who cares if you guys were in a run down storage room with supplies older than you both combined? All that mattered was the person you were with, and that was Ricky.

And maybe, just maybe, you weren’t better off without him after all.

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts x reader #hsmtmts imagine #high school musical: the musical: the series #ricky bowen #richard bowen #ricky bowen x reader #ricky bowen blurb #ricky bowen imagine #joshua bassett #joshua bassett x reader #joshua bassett blurb #joshua bassett imagine #plutotown writes

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bisexualsforprompto · 5 years ago

Note

For Garmari what if they had a secret relationship that only the heroes knew about(knows shes ladybug) and her parents (dont know shes ladybug). They met while the teen titans or yj were on a mission. She didn't tell anyone cause 1)Alya might post it 2) her class and her aren't really friends and 3) some people might be extremely rude especially about his green skin.(lila and/or chole). Class fi3nds out comments spew and she ends friend ship with everyone. Jealous adrien trying to break them up

A/N not sure how happy I am with this, but oh well...

Marinette Dupain-Cheng was used to secrets.

She wasn’t fond of them but she was used to them.

Being Ladybug, hiding Lila’s threats, hiding Chat Noir’s blatant sexual harassment.

She would’ve broken if not for Tikki, but sometimes even they weren’t enough.

Sometimes she thought she might break down because of all the different parts of her she was forced to hide.

Until she met Garfield Logan.

As weird and almost silly as it sounded when Ladybug had contacted the Justice League and started out with her first mission with the Teen Titans she instantly clicked with Beast Boy, Garfield.

He broke down all of her walls, he had so many as well with everything that had happened in his past, and suddenly there weren’t any secrets between them.

It was refreshing to have a friendship with someone with no secret identity, comes with the territory when you’re green Marinette supposed, it felt like Gar didn’t have to hide from the world and she didn’t have to hide from him.

It wasn’t soon after (or surprising) when their friendship blossomed into a relationship. But ironically it created a new secret.

She told her parents (of course leaving out the small detail that’d she’d met Beast Boy as Ladybug, though they didn’t push, Tom and Sabine were just proud that their little girl had a boyfriend, even if he was a green superhero), but nobody else. She was afraid Alya would post it to the Ladyblog and she didn’t want that kind of attention. She knew Lila or Chloé would try to belittle Gar, say that Marinette of course could only date a beast. And although Garfield had a lot more self esteem than Marinette she refused to subject him to that kind of abuse.

The rest of the class wouldn’t be any better, they’d all sided with Lila. Adrien and coincidentally, Chat Noir were becoming problems too. They would constantly bother her and try to ask her out and she knew if the word about her and Garfield got out they would try to break them up.

The other Titans knew and she had a sneaking suspicion that some of the others in the hero community knew as well, but she trusted those people, she couldn’t trust Paris.

She could trust Gar, he was always there for her, but at the moment she was almost ready to slap him in his beautiful, beautiful face.

“Um I do have a special someone,” Garfield said over the television as Marinette facepalmed watching it with her parents in the bakery, “It’s kind of a secret who she is but she lives in Paris and I love her very, very much.”

If Marinette didn’t love Gar she would’ve marched herself over to Titans Tower and kicked his ass all the way to Paris for being so stupid.

She understood that he didn’t want to keep their relationship a secret, she didn’t want it to be either, there were enough secrets, but if anyone found out they were dating...well Marinette knew her life would be unbearable.

Marinette stomped up to her room ignoring her parents calling out to her and dialed her boyfriend’s number.

“Garfield Logan I’m going to kill you!”

“So I take it you’ve been watching the news.” Gar chuckled nervously over the line.

“What the hell Gar?!”

“Ok first I need to tell you I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, I was being a moron and wasn’t thinking.”

Marinette rolled her eyes but felt slightly more calm, “Yeah you shouldn’t have.”

“I don’t want to try to justify what I did because there’s honestly no justification for what I’ve done. I really never want to hurt you Mari.” He said softly. Marinette felt her breathing feel steadier.

“I get it Gar. I don’t want to hide our relationship either, really I don’t. One day I promise I’ll be ready for everyone to know, but it’s just- Lila and Chat Noir-“

“I know babe.” Garfield sighed, “I honestly wish you didn’t have to deal with them. Sometimes I want to skin that idiotic cat for what he does to you.” Marinette choked out a laugh. “I’m gonna come over, is that okay?”

“Yeah Gar, how long should it take?”

“Well I’m kinda already here,” Garfield laughed nervously, “The minute I realized how bad I screwed up I asked if I could take Robin’s- well I guess Batman’s plane, and come to Paris.”

“You being so sweet is making it hard to be mad at you.”

“I’m gonna make it a little harder babe, come onto your balcony.”

Marinette placed her phone in her pocket and made her way onto the balcony. She felt the cool air caress her bare shoulders since she was in nothing but pajamas.

Garfield was standing there holding flowers and giving her a loving and apologetic look. Marinette chuckled slightly.

“I don’t deserve you.” She whispered.

“It’s the opposite Mar-bear, I screwed up today, you shouldn’t give me a second chance.” Gar said rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

“I love you, you dumb dork.” Marinette said closing the gap between them and kissing him.

Gar dropped the flowers and leaned into the kiss as he wrapped his arms around Marinette.

It was surreal, like a scene out of a movie. It was only them in that moment, no secrets to worry about.

But then their shared moment came to a grinding stop when they heard someone squeal, “What a scoop! My bestie is the one dating Garfield Logan AKA Beast Boy!”

Marinette pulled away from the kiss and mirrored Garfield’s panicked look as they slowly turned around and saw Alya filming them from below.

“Alya no!” Marinette cried, “Please don’t post that.”

“What? Why? Well, doesn’t matter because it was sort of kinda a live stream…” Alya said sheepishly.

Marinette felt a sting of horror, this could only end badly.

“Leave.” Garfield told Alya.

“What?”

“I said leave, I need to deal with this. I’m assuming you saw the news where I said we wanted the relationship to be a secret, you had no right to do that.” Garfield said with more bite than Marinette had ever heard from him.

“But I-“

“Don’t make me ask you again,” Gar growled almost releasing the part of him Marinette knew he had trouble containing. It scared poor bewildered Alya enough and she ran in the other direction.

“What’s going to happen tomorrow?” Marinette choked, the reality of what had happened catching up to her.

“I- I honestly don’t know, but please call me if anything happens. I don’t know what Adrien, Chat Noir, Lila, or your idiot classmates will try to pull...Maybe you can ask your parents to not go to school tomorrow?”

“What’s the point in that?” Marinette started to sob, “I have to go back eventually.” She started to come undone into his arms.

“I’m so sorry.” Garfield said rubbing her back in soothing circles knowing it was all his fault.

Marinette walked into DuPont hiding herself under the gazes of her fellow students, she didn’t have to be a mind reader to know they all saw the video. She kept her head down and tried to walk into Miss Bustier’s class before Adrien pulled her aside.

“Is it true?” He said with masked anger. Marinette gulped and nodded. Adrien inadvertently dug his fingers into her skin, “How could you do this to me?”

“Please Adrien, I don’t want to do th-“

“Marinette what’s it like dating a superhero?!” Asked Rose oblivious as to what Adrien was doing.

“Well-“

Mylené, Alix and Juleka followed her over. “Ooh yeah, tell us! I had no idea you were dating the Beast Boy!”

A larger crowd started to gather and Adrien still hadn’t changed positions. Marinette felt the walls closing in on her.

“How come you didn’t tell me girl? I’m your best friend!”

“Yeah Marinette, why didn’t you tell your friends?!”

“Come on, Mari you should’ve told us!”

“Ooh! Can you get me an interview for my blog?”

“I’m a big fan of Beast Boy, can you get an autograph?!”

“I’m asking as a friend so can you-“

“None of you are my friends!!!” Marinette finally blurted as she broke from Adrien’s grasp and pushed through the crowd. She subconsciously pulled out her phone and dialed Gar. She made it out of the school, felling the fresh air until she realized Adrien had followed her.

“Marinette come back we need to talk about t-“

All Marinette saw was black, the last thing she remembered were her hands shaking and then feeling off balance, so off balance.

The first thing she heard when she came to were muffled shouts and a loud ringing in her ears. Marinette opened her eyes slowly to see her Robin and Starfire getting in a fist fight with Adrien. Her eyes closed again, Garfield must’ve called them. She felt herself being carried by familiar arms and she opened her eyes once more.

“I’m taking you to the tower.” Garfield said in a low whisper. “I’m getting you out of here I promise babe.” She closed her eyes in weakness again.

Marinette woke up to see Gar sitting next to her. He engulfed her in a hug the moment she opened her eyes, “I was so worried, I’m so sorry.”

The memories came running back.

“It’s not your fault Gar.”

“It kind of is.” Garfield laughed humorlessly.

“You can’t control the people at DuPont or Adrien. It’s not like you knew Alya would take that video.” Marinette sat up in the Titan’s hospital bed.

“This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t blabbed to a reporter, I feel like all I do is screw up.”

“Gar, I love you. No matter what you do, I'll never stop. You need to stop blaming yourself for everything.” Marinette looked into his eyes, his green ones refused to meet hers.

“If I actually took things seriously maybe-“

“I’m going to stop you right there.” Marinette huffed, “You’ve been through hell and back. The Doom Patrol… You take your job seriously, I know you do, it’s just sometimes taking things lightly is important. Most people who would’ve suffered a tragedy like you would be broody or villains...but you’re an amazing and positive hero, you inspire hope. At the end of the day you take things seriously, you’re not Chat Noir.”

“How are you so amazing?” Garfield chuckled.

“I try,” Marinette winked.

“What are you gonna do about DuPont?”

“Well...They know we’re not friends now.” Marinette laughed, “You know...I think I’m done with secrets. I’ll tell my parents the truth, Ladybug, everything. Then maybe I can be a Titan...permanently? That is if you think the team would have me…”

“Are you kidding?!” Gar beamed, “They love you almost as much as me, they’ll be all for it.”

“Then I guess I know I’m doing...No more secrets.” Marinette smiled, “At least not to the ones who matter.”

~~~~~~~~

Maribat Taglist:

@northernbluetongue

@queen-of-the-trash-planet-tm

@luciferge

@legendaryneckjudgestudent

@interobanginyourmom

@beaversuenightly

@worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry

@mochinek0

@shamefullove

@emjrabbitwolf

@actual-disaster-human

@littleredrobinhoodlum

@elijahcoser

@daminett4life

#maribat #garmari

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

Text

Jac & Savannah

Jac: [Before the parties would have started, aka the getting ready hours] Jac: What's the vibe in University Hall tonight then? Savannah: [a selfie of lowkey everyone getting ready together cos it's all girls] Jac: 👍 Looks like carnage Jac: don't lose your favourite 💄 Savannah: my ears hurt & I can't stop saying Americanisms Jac: 😂 Jac: Glad I'm not seeing you tonight Jac: almost Savannah: will you still love me tomorrow though? Jac: Even if you start saying like, totally and OH MY GOD at the beginning and end of all your sentences Savannah: I already do say OH MY GOD a lot Savannah: it's not very far to fall 😔 Jac: Fallen 👼🏾 Jac: as you missed out on Sinners Savannah: 😢 I'm sure Savannah: except not at all because I had a much better time with my 👼🏻 Jac: If the stories I've seen are anything to go by Jac: missed nothing but potential 💀💀 Jac: Sports people go so hard Savannah: I know Savannah: it's a definite no thank you from me, in like, every possible way Savannah: even if every 🤴🏻🤴🏼🤴🏽🤴🏾🤴🏿 here was there Jac: we're off 🏀⚽🏉🏑🥍🏏 boys for good Savannah: I swear to god, hit me with a 🏑or 🏏 if I consider it however briefly & however intoxicated Jac: make a pact with some OTT American girl tonight Jac: she'll banshee screech and keep 'em well away 'til I can Savannah: I'll just picture my dad's disapproving face Savannah: wait no, actually that would only spur me on Jac: Some of those girls HAVE to be cool Jac: not as cool as me, obviously Jac: but you should have fun with them 🚫 boys allowed Savannah: I don't know what to wear & it's upsetting me greatly Savannah: none of these girls understand that telling me I look amazing in anything/everything hanging up is NOT what I need to hear Savannah: obviously I do, that's why I purchased & packed it Jac: They aren't lying but they aren't being helpful Jac: send me the options Jac: you wanna get the mood right Savannah: can't we just get ready together? I PROMISE I'll shut my door on you as soon as we're done Jac: I don't know if my ❤ can handle that, babe Savannah: okay, I'll shut the door on you at the last possible second Jac: You know exactly how hard I find it saying no to you, don't you? Savannah: but if you want to say no, you can Savannah: I just know that you don't want to Jac: Give me a sec Jac: I'll convince it's the fashion emergency it is Savannah: 😊 Savannah: the real fashion emergency is that nobody is allowed to touch your hair but me Jac: The girl across from me does have full intentions to straighten it so Jac: wish me 🍀 Savannah: 😠 Savannah: she better step back Savannah: what protection is she intending to use? I think not Jac: You're the cutest ever Savannah: You have perfect natural texture, can she not see that? Jac: She must not see me how you do Jac: but I'm okay with that Savannah: Well, I've got my eye on her now Savannah: if Catholic school taught me anything it's that 🙏🏾 doesn't work so I won't be wishing you luck, I'll be taking hair styling action Jac: I thought you were going to say something about it teaching you how to fuck up other girls Jac: but you're much too ladylike and 👼🏾 for that Savannah: Oh honey, I knew how to do that before I got there Jac: Very true Jac: I remember Jac: we were kind of a bit terrible, weren't we? Savannah: I remember us being young & bored Savannah: so maybe we did some terrible things Savannah: but we're trying to do & be better now Jac: Works for me Jac: though I was considerably less bored when you were there Savannah: me too, of course Savannah: & maybe I was still doing terrible things at 18, which is less young, but I was also in Sligo so I feel like allowances have to be made Jac: Boredom increased as well as age Jac: it's allowed Savannah: heartbreak increased too Savannah: I can't be held responsible for what I do when I miss you that much Jac: It's too soon to make the 'and who' joke about your ex but it's something young and bored me would say so, feels right to honour past us by mentioning it Savannah: 😄 Savannah: he honourably gave me all summer to get over him, it's fine Jac: You were with him the whole two years, yeah? Savannah: yes Jac: thought so Jac: I could never stand anyone longer than a few weeks Savannah: I'm not sure I could honestly stand him longer than that Jac: Is it a security thing? Jac: keeping him around, despite that Savannah: If I was a lecture topic that would be one of the bullet points undeniably Jac: 'Course, sorry Jac: it's all the ❤ talk going on Jac: they'll be over it once this week is Savannah: I didn't mean it like that, I mean that like I wish I could pinpoint the exact reason Savannah: but there isn't just one, I guess Jac: It's cool, I also didn't mean to be a downer so we don't need to bulletpoint or pinpoint either Jac: lectures haven't started yet, just excited for that, obviously 🤓 Jac: you're not easy to commit to paper, to logic and rationale Jac: that's why I like you Savannah: you could never be, I'm so happy whenever I'm with you Savannah: & I'm even happier you're so excited because me too, of course Savannah: I know I'm very illogical & irrational, I'm the happiest that you like me in spite of it Jac: 🥰🥰🥰 Jac: Freshers has, obviously, been better than I had imagined it could be Jac: but that's almost entirely because of you Jac: I wanna get going now, with the actual course, what we're here to do Jac: though I want this time to last forever, so, conflicted but Savannah: I've changed my mind, I think I'm the happiest actually that none of these girls can see me 😳 because of you Savannah: I feel the same way though, about all of it Jac: I promise I won't embarrass you in front of your dormies Jac: even though I like it when you 😳 best of all Savannah: You could literally never do that either Savannah: none of them are anything like you to the point that I feel sad for them Savannah: because you're perfect Jac: You're the most incredible person I've ever met Jac: we're special together Savannah: you're special without me Savannah: but I'm not leaving you ever again Jac: I love you so much Savannah: I love you too Jac: [leaving it a long-ish time for them aka 10 minutes or something] Jac: I am free, and omw Savannah: Thank GOD Savannah: I thought you were going to say you weren't coming Jac: No way Jac: my room is on the top floor, so I kept getting stopped on every level 🙄 Savannah: At least I know that girl wouldn't have been able to straighten your hair in that amount of time Jac: unless she was just gonna do the top layer and then I'd look like a 🌲 Jac: but that did not happen, thank GOD Savannah: Don't even Savannah: I would cry Jac: Me too Jac: not that there's anyone I really wanna impress, also don't want or need the potential nicknames that would come from that non-look Savannah: Baby, I would never let anyone tease you, or you leave her with a non look Savannah: I could & would fix it in spite of my overwhelming sadness Jac: Dry those eyes Jac: only ten minutes away and not looking like a shrub Savannah: 🥰 Jac: This walk takes longer going to see you than it does coming back Savannah: I miss you too Jac: 😳 Savannah: that's also how I'll look when you see me like this Jac: Come on Jac: you're perfect Jac: we just need to find an outfit as equally so for tonight Savannah: It's not the outfit, it's my insane nerves Jac: What are you nervous about? Savannah: This isn't like our psych night, you know, what do I have in common with any of these girls? Potentially nothing Savannah: I'm having catholic school flashbacks Jac: I get you Jac: think of it as less about making friends, and more about making decent neighbours Jac: the people on our course, we'll be seeing the full four years, the people in our dorms, it could just be this year, 'cos we'll all move next Jac: don't put too much pressure on yourself Savannah: I don't wanna do it but I can't be the girl who doesn't get involved, that would actually be crazy Savannah: you're right, I know that you're right Jac: I don't either Jac: if it had to compete with a night with you, no chance Jac: we'll give it a solid hour, and if it's truly awful, then we'll just hole ourselves up in one of our rooms and hide Savannah: okay Jac: but it won't be Jac: everyone will love you Savannah: I don't want everyone to love me, just you Jac: then they can admire you respectfully from afar Savannah: 👸🏽 Jac: I hear the American girls are loaded Jac: I bet they have loads of 🔥 makeup and clothes to borrow Savannah: the skincare would make my auntie 😢 Jac: wonder if there's any princesses Savannah: I'll find out Savannah: maybe not tonight but eventually Jac: you won't run away with her Jac: even if the skincare is beyond 💣 Savannah: I'll run away with the skincare Savannah: to you Jac: ❤ Jac: loml Savannah: ☺️ Savannah: It would be SO typical if the loudest brashest girl in this dorm who I already can't stand was royalty of some kind Jac: I think I saw her on my way out yesterday Jac: you'll have to point her out Savannah: You definitely heard her, I swear she's woke me every morning so far Jac: Ugh Jac: need to think of a way to 😶 her Savannah: I will be stealing her skincare because I'm BEYOND sleep deprived Savannah: What did you do when you had to share with Jude? Jac: military grade headphones Jac: but ignoring her makes her 😠 so it was one of the only joys I had too, like Savannah: Then I won't be able to hear all the secrets you spill in your sleep, she's not taking that possible joy from me Jac: 😨 Jac: ?! Savannah: I remember one of the first times I slept over, we had a full conversation because I asked if you were awake and you answered yes & asked me if I was okay, which was so sweet by the way, & I didn't realise that you were actually still asleep until after I'd told you everything Savannah: that's the only reason I'm hoping for secrets 😄 Savannah: you don't ever tell me anything scandalous, you're just an 👼🏻 who always tries to take care of me Jac: I'm glad my subconscious hasn't totally betrayed me Jac: and that it cares as much about you as conscious me does Savannah: your subconscious loves me too, it's the cutest Jac: ☺ Jac: you're very lovable Savannah: The girl we hate has literally just asked me if I'm talking to my boyfriend 🙄 the love of my life, yes, some ridiculous boy from freshers, not even Jac: 100% she thinks she's found a 🤴 and he's a total 🐸 who'll spend the rest of the year ghosting her Savannah: 😄 SO true Jac: Some of the lads on our course are nice and everything Jac: but they all seem like 👶 somehow Savannah: I could not agree more & I've done my time babysitting Jac: Seriously Jac: we've got enough to focus on without mothering some poor homesick boys, no thanks Savannah: Of course she's doing art history, it's clear she intends to focus on cliches Jac: Oh my God Jac: I bet she dresses like a mini Middleton Jac: bless her ❤ Savannah: I won't be borrowing her 💄👚👠👒 Jac: 🤭 Definitely not Jac: Meghan is prettier and much more stylish Savannah: I love her Savannah: no offence but I would have to run away with her if she were here Jac: 😏 I understand Jac: I'll control my 💔 Savannah: not that I could bear to break up her & Harry & their beautiful family unit, however hypothetically Jac: they're adorable Jac: and you don't need to steal anyone else's 🤴 or 👸 Savannah: I really don't Jac: no one wants to be that evil queen stereotype Savannah: that's a reputation that would follow you Jac: came here to escape all of mine, not acquire new ones Jac: new 👎 ones Jac: 👍 ones are welcomed, obviously Savannah: I'll resist the urge to make the obvious unfavourable comparison between an evil queen & my dad's new girlfriend in order to do the same Jac: Does she come as a package deal with ugly stepsisters or are they not that serious yet? Savannah: I don't think he's willing to be that serious Jac: at least you don't have to be either then Savannah: I'm not there, he can't control anything I do anymore Savannah: but he needs to be fair to Sienna Jac: What does she think about it all? Savannah: She says she's happy he's moving on too, because I was leaving & mum's getting better Savannah: like we're in a fairy tale Jac: That's obviously just what she wishes and hopes is true Jac: even if it's not totally, yet Jac: but it's not, not true, right? Jac: Your mum is doing better than she was, yeah Savannah: but we both know better than rock bottom isn't recovered Savannah: I don't want her getting her hopes up too high Jac: Absolutely Jac: that's tough, all you can do is talk to her and tell her that Jac: even if she's not listening, she will be, you know, it'll sink in regardless Savannah: She's BEYOND sick of the sound of my voice, I'm not giving up though Jac: you're such a good sister ❤ Savannah: because I only have one, god knows how you cope Jac: Poorly, I'm sure Savannah: no way! Savannah: you're an incredible sister & best friend Jac: I'm not but Jac: it's complicated Jac: and not important right now Jac: [show up for this outfit emergency sure] Savannah: [we all know how happy she is to see her and how extra she'd be about it as standard so] Jac: [enjoy your moment you're not meant to be having ladies] Savannah: [casually ignoring all the peeps that are everywhere because you've got your bae now] Jac: [we know the vibes, we out here being gay] Savannah: [and drinking 🥂🍾 cos we extra] Jac: [we loving life 'cos we're together we're these bitches but you will be separating ladies] Savannah: [get all your touchy feely flirting in now gal cos yeah she has to leave] Jac: [at least you have the thinly-veiled excuse of needing to dress her] Savannah: [take all the thinly veiled excuses while you can cos we can't avoid the convo forever ladies] Jac: [or can you lmao] Savannah: [lives together for the next decade, gets married and has babies, still hasn't had the convo lol] Jac: [truly, okay, so you gotta go girl, we know what this would've been like, cue dramatic pining] Savannah: [sends her a selfie like 🥺 as soon as she's left basically with the flimsy excuse of the girl they hate being there in the background] Jac: ugh, isn't there some art for her to go appreciate Jac: besides you Savannah: she can appreciate my 😳 if you keep complimenting me like that Jac: you look amazing Jac: everyone is gonna be DYING to talk to you Savannah: thanks to you I do Jac: like you said, you look good in all your clothes, obvs, it was just picking the one for tonight Savannah: but whatever the outfit choice, I'd still be a nervous wreck if you hadn't come over to make me feel better Savannah: you make me feel amazing, that's why I now look it Jac: You return the favour tenfold, trust me Jac: whatever dress I throw on is not even half of it Savannah: 🥰 but I do still want to see what dress you have thrown on Jac: Of course Jac: 🤞 my room hasn't been turned into designated pre-party area or something Savannah: I can remember perfectly well how intimidating you can be if you need to, but I'll try not to as my 😳 didn't subside that long ago & it's honestly so hot all the things that you're capable of Jac: I'm not okay with you being intimidated by me Jac: you're as capable and hot, that's why we're here together Savannah: You don't have to worry because I'm not, I know how kind & sensitive you are too, especially when we are together Savannah: it's one rule for me & another for all the stupid boys we're surrounded by, in my case literally right now, seemingly out of nowhere Jac: Eurgh Jac: at least they're not constantly around your dorm Jac: though most of them have been okay, they are some really annoying ones in JB Savannah: 🙌🏾 🙏🏾 I'm not actually going to announce to my dad that he made one good decision, but between you & me 🙌🏾 🙏🏾 Savannah: consider this your sanctuary whenever you need it, baby girl Jac: He made it for the wrong reasons so he doesn't deserve the round of applause but Jac: ❤ Jac: next year we can get somewhere amazing, and only have over the people we want Savannah: at this point that's literally just Maddie 😄 Jac: Devin is nice, even though she's American Savannah: I don't hold it against Meghan so I'll extend her the same courtesy, I guess Jac: I'd say Nat but I don't know if you'd want her in your house, you know 😏 Savannah: like I wouldn't want her their specifically or she's not house trained in general? Jac: [sends her the butch girl's sinners night socials like see for yourself] Savannah: oh Jac: 😂 Savannah: okay, well I did ask Jac: Yeah Jac: she like, likes me Savannah: of course she does, you're perfect Savannah: she'd have bad taste if she didn't Jac: you knew? Savannah: her aesthetic isn't exactly subtle Jac: That's true Jac: she's alright though, if you get past that Jac: aside from the hitting on you every five seconds thing Savannah: She didn't try & hit on me 😢 Savannah: I knew the ✨ were too much! Jac: Maybe your aesthetic is the opposite of subtle too? Jac: you'd be far more 😢 if Maddie hadn't Savannah: Maddie didn't, she was all over that boy whose name I didn't catch Jac: Awh, baby Savannah: 🥺 Jac: I'll flirt with you, if you're feeling leftout Savannah: you don't like her more than me, do you? Jac: in what world is that even possible Savannah: it's freshers, we're about as far removed from the real world as it's possible to be Jac: I don't like her Jac: you're my best friend ever Savannah: it's okay if you do, but you can't like her more than me Jac: Never Savannah: experimentation is what university is for, everyone knows that, so it's fine Jac: Yeah, it's fine is it? Savannah: of course Savannah: you can like whoever you want Jac: She's not my type so Savannah: Devin then Jac: You're cool with that Jac: like, that's what you want? Savannah: for you to be happy is all I've ever wanted Savannah: why wouldn't I be cool with whoever you date, unless they're horrifically unsuitable, criteria which we can't impose on her simply for being American Jac: Okay Jac: 'course Jac: I'm back, I'll let you party in peace Savannah: you have to show me your outfit first Jac: I'm just gonna chill in what I had on, who cares right Jac: we aren't going anywhere Savannah: I obviously care but sure, you do look beautiful as you are Jac: You know what I mean Jac: no entry requirements Savannah: except 🍾🥂 Jac: so much Jac: the headaches aren't fun Savannah: but everything up to that point always is Savannah: it's going to be so strange not having you here later Jac: I know Jac: we should probably get used to it Savannah: No Savannah: I've just gotten used to having you back Jac: I'm not going anywhere Jac: but you need the legroom, you said Savannah: that's not how you made it sound a literal second ago & you can't leave me, I need you Jac: We'll only share a bed 'til you get a boyfriend Savannah: I'm not getting a boyfriend Savannah: I distinctly recall telling you, I like being single Jac: For now Savannah: Yes, because we're talking about right now Jac: We don't need to talk about this at all Savannah: not if you don't want to Jac: we should be having fun Savannah: stop it Jac: Stop what? Savannah: you've been trying to end this conversation since you got back Jac: Only for you Savannah: that's not true Jac: not just for that Jac: but we should be, you think so too Jac: experimenting, whatever else uni is good for Savannah: I think you should do whatever will make you the happiest Jac: I know, I know Savannah: so okay, if the fun you believe we're meant to be having tonight doesn't include me, I'll talk to you when you've had it, I guess Savannah: I don't want to hold you back or anything Jac: That's not what I mean Savannah: Well, what do you mean? Jac: I don't know Jac: and I don't know what would make me happiest Jac: can that be okay too Savannah: you don't have to have answers for everything all the time, especially not just in order to give to me when I'm being demanding about it Jac: It's fine Savannah: it doesn't have to be, you're allowed to be annoyed at me, even in our honeymoon period Jac: I'm not annoyed at you Savannah: you know what I mean, all your emotions are valid Jac: So are yours Jac: you've been clear what yours are, I haven't Jac: I'm angry at myself, not you Savannah: I don't want that Jac: It's not your fault Savannah: it feels like it is Jac: It really isn't Jac: I'm sorry Savannah: how can I make you feel better? Jac: I'll be fine Savannah: don't say that, let me fix it Jac: You can't change how you feel, and I don't expect you to Savannah: I love you, nothing is ever going to change that Savannah: that's how I feel, you know that Jac: I do know what I want Jac: and I'm not experimenting Jac: alright Jac: that changes everything Savannah: I meant with different people, that's all Savannah: you've said yourself that after a few weeks you lose interest Jac: I've not lost interest in you in two years Savannah: you haven't seen me in two years Jac: Like seeing you is going to make it go away? Savannah: if I can't live up to your romanticised view of me, then yes Jac: I know who you are Savannah: I don't think I really know who I am though Savannah: not after everything Jac: I think that's normal Jac: and I like whoever you are Savannah: if you can throw a 'for now' at me, I can too Jac: That would be convenient Jac: but it never happened before, so I don't see that it will Savannah: this has never happened to me before & yet you still believe I'll choose some boy over you Jac: I've not either Jac: I'm just saying how it was before Savannah: well that isn't a fair comparison Jac: Isn't it? Savannah: No Savannah: I didn't want you to kiss me before but it's all I want now Jac: that's what I want too Savannah: did you get the same message I did about the second year psych house party? Savannah: we could go Jac: Should we? Savannah: we want to join the pysch society, right? At least some of those 2nd years will be part of it Savannah: it's more productive than awkward small talk with these girls in my dorm Savannah: & most importantly, I'll get to see you again, so yes Savannah: I think we should Jac: You're right Jac: we can make these connections any time, this is a too good an opportunity to expand our horizons Savannah: exactly Savannah: though by the time I've walked over to you in these heels you'll have had time to make a million connections within that dorm too Savannah: 😄 Jac: You need to invest in a pair of flats for your bag, seriously Savannah: I've done my time wearing flats & I got rid of that urge, coincidentally, once my insecure boyfriend dumped me Savannah: I need to drink less 🍾🥂 potentially Jac: Okay 😏 but be careful Savannah: You're adorable Jac: I'd rather you didn't fall into the sea, or a golf hole, that's all Savannah: I promise to look where I'm going since you aren't here to look at Jac: Not much to look at currently Jac: I better get changed after-all Savannah: that's not even close to true Savannah: you're beautiful & interesting irrespective of what you're wearing Jac: Now you're being shameless Savannah: I would NEVER Jac: 😂 Savannah: if you make me laugh there's every increased chance I will fall into a ⛳️ Jac: 🤐 Jac: You're shameless in a good way Savannah: Then you won't mind me asking a shameless question, do you think she's going to be there? Jac: Who? Savannah: Natalie, of course Jac: Oh, I dunno Jac: if she knows some older psych kids already, could see it, but otherwise, doubt it Savannah: Hmm Jac: What's hmm? Savannah: I'm just thinking maybe I need to run into her if she's going to be flirting with you whenever you do Jac: So she can flirt with you too Savannah: So she'll stop doing it, I'm not that shameless, thank you Jac: How are you gonna get her to do that? Savannah: I'm sure she will respect that I saw you first Jac: You're so Savannah: it's like beyond terrifying when you don't finish a sentence Jac: it's only 'cos I'm gonna say something so nice it'll scare us both Savannah: I could never be scared of a compliment Jac: Just me, then, make it worse 😋 Savannah: Baby, you don't need to be scared either Jac: But I want you so bad it is Savannah: you aren't going to lose me so it doesn't have to be Jac: I'll try Jac: to believe that, to not be scared Savannah: I'll be here to help you, because nobody can separate us this time except us & that's not something I'm ever going to let happen Jac: Good, as long as that keeps being what we both want, then there's nothing we can't solve Savannah: I believe that Savannah: [probably show up so you can be extra in person gal starting with your 😍 over whatever she's wearing now] Jac: [when you're definitely going in for the kiss right away no pretense] Savannah: [we all know she's about it] Jac: [thank god lmao] Savannah: [don't need a repeat of that runaways moment] Jac: [truly, casually try to calm down with 🍾🥂 now 'cos nearly died] Savannah: [when you're lowkey so into each other that you forget you've got somewhere else to be going] Jac: [already bailed on one idea here ladies] Savannah: [makes me lol like how long did you last at your dorm parties, no time at all] Jac: [literal, and you were just on your phones nearly having an argument so] Savannah: [not that I blame you cos everyone I shared with were dicks and you are only there for the first year which will fly by but the point ladies] Jac: [my poor boo, but we know you ain't making bffs so it matters not] Savannah: [god bless you two because it will be a miracle if you make it to this party with how highkey you are rn] Jac: [how you've only kissed is amiracle] Savannah: [I have the hilarious mental image of them both fixing their makeup and hair like okay we can go & then making out again so they have to redo it and so on for infinity lol] Jac: [rinse and repeat, too real] Savannah: [like what are you putting on and taking off too, very we ain't even gonna make it to this club, Beyonce approves] Jac: [bop and a lifestyle] Savannah: [Savannah already has the biggest lips ever they would be obscene after kissing forever, what a visual] Jac: [someone said she should be cast as Sally from tnbc and I can't unsee lol] Jac: [corpse bride fool] Savannah: [should we let them hook up tonight or wait until tomorrow/ the end of freshers?] Jac: [I say tonight purely so they can be ultra gay at the festival moment tomorrow lol] Savannah: [I agree that's a great idea] Jac: [and we almost had a real convo so it's been amped up here] Savannah: [I know I'm evil but I think their first time should be like a bit awkward because we always let everyone have a swag one and like you can get there ladies but it fits with who Savannah is/ how easily she'd freak out if everything wasn't perfect after all this build up and it works once again for them because their communication and trust levels that neither of them would be like okay well that's NEVER happening again ever] Jac: [that makes sense to me too] Savannah: [like if Sav was freaking out/crying cos she's like this is not going according to plan Jac isn't gonna let her leave, as she said they can work anything out and would once she's calmed down because gal you're clearly into each other, you can do this, just chill] Jac: [we know you can calm her down and as long as it's not like 'I don't wanna do this anymore' she's not gonna freak too so] Savannah: [and we all know when it's swag it'll be swag because she's 100% that straight girl that was like oh yeah it takes me a really long time to have an orgasm which I know is a real thing like Rosie always saying she takes like 45 minutes but in her case it's definitely her boyfriends not doing the most because that was such a thing when I was in that straight girl tumblr tag lol] Jac: [it just makes sense, like we wouldn't know what to do with a penis 'cos we don't have one, you need to learn whereas if you know yourself if you know what I'm saying, gay sex is easier to be good at] Savannah: [she just always puts too much pressure on herself to be A+ at everything immediately so it made sense to me that she would have a me style freak out because she hasn't done loads of nerdy prep for this whereas Jac can just swag it because she's not doing that she's just in her emotions] Jac: [god bless, we just freaking out that she's gonna flip 180 at any minute but not gonna let that stop her obvs] Savannah: [it's fair because we'd all be thinking it] Jac: [hence tryna say it but being crap at doing so] Savannah: [go to the party first though ladies because if this hook up drama happened first you'd never make it] Jac: [yes, go get adopted by some psychology students] Savannah: [love that for you both tbh] Jac: [you'd be thrilled, nerds] Savannah: [even though you're both really distracted by how much you wanna hook up, focus nerds] Jac: [whatever gets you going i guess] Savannah: [is there anything we really want to happen at this party or should we just keep it chill, by which I mean sexual tension off the charts but a good time had by all] Jac: [Hmm, Natalie should not be there 'cos too cool for school but even if she was, bye, do you have any ideas?] Savannah: [I agree they should be the only psychology freshers there because nerds and defs getting adopted] Jac: [agreed, be those hoes we know you are] Savannah: [you've been extra in terms of nearly having a row so of course you gotta be extra the other way and just keep all those makeouts going, JJ would be proud] Jac: [people would be about it like the bitch on the beach 'cos straights are always like OMG YOU'RE SO SWEET AHH so you can lap that up shamelessly like oh yes we are haha] Savannah: [progress is being made tonight honey cos we did that little display for the butch on psych night but you've not actually kissed anywhere but your dorms] Jac: [proud of you gals] Savannah: [considering the awkwardness of a 2 year absence that we started this uni experience with, you're doing amazing gals] Jac: [truly, such a weird situation who knows what any of us would do] Savannah: [if it was me I'd have to just pretend the other person didn't exist for the rest of my life and suffer] Jac: [not I, I would get you] Savannah: [I really hope there's no gross posh boys at this party cos you don't need that any of y'all sweet nerds] Jac: [undoubtedly there is but pretend to be progressive and just silently oggle ty] Savannah: [tah very much lads] Jac: [gotta pretend to be cool even though they are paying you NO attention] Savannah: [nor will they, we're leaving the straightness behind forever] Jac: [that tickled me] Jac: [maybe there was a student teacher there or a real one but not in a creepy way, bit weird but uni is, so maybe they cornered 'em and now have separate meetings with 'em to like, get ahead, idk, nerd shit, so one of them has gone first and then it's like morning, afternoon, time to start getting ready so they've gone back to own dorms] Savannah: [yeah there's loads of potential for what that could be because we know they'd wanna be involved in everything] Jac: [literal like maybe there was two important peeps and they're tackling one each, it don't matter, you will have to part some times and that's all we need] Savannah: [yeah we know what the vibe we're trying to get at here] Savannah: I can't find my [insert obscure makeup routine item/accessory that she simply must have to get ready like okay]! Savannah: today is a trial already honestly Jac: Has Mega not Markle been snooping through your stuff? Jac: I think I saw it in your brown satchel last though, really Jac: What's up, boo? Savannah: I hope not & I instead hope that you're right as you usually are Savannah: maybe I have champagne brain or something Jac: I've not heard of it being a Thing™ but I still lock my door even when I'm just going to the kitchen 🤷 Jac: we did drink a LOT more at the party Jac: productive though, like we hoped Savannah: as long as I didn't make a TOTAL fool of myself, I'm counting it as a definite success Jac: Not even Jac: you were perfect Jac: we weren't that level of drunk or we would have KNOWN not to approach the editor of the magazine Savannah: I don't know how you always manage to put me instantly at ease, except of course that you're actually the level of perfect that you're trying to portray me as right now Jac: You deserve to be Jac: no one else works as hard as you Jac: you need to take the time and headspace to enjoy the spoils of Savannah: literally god knows when but I'll try Jac: tonight will be a good place to start Jac: the expectation is nothing but to dance and have fun Jac: in something as colourful and ✨ as possible Savannah: 😊 Savannah: I do understand why the majority of freshers are claiming it to be the highlight before its even happened Jac: it'll be mine to see how beautiful you'll be Savannah: you're this smooth, this early, after that much 🍾🥂? Okay then, wow Savannah: the pressure is back on Jac: Not even Jac: you make me feel the cheesiest Savannah: you're not though, trust me, because my ex was & you're so far from Savannah: his everything basically Jac: I'll take it as the compliment it undoubtedly is Jac: have you found your [thing]? Jac: I can go into town and check if they have some, though the chances are slim Savannah: you have to because I can only be so complimentary & remain productive when I already miss you this much Savannah: yes! You were so right about where it was, of course Jac: I miss you more Savannah: that's impossible & I refuse to acknowledge it Jac: you'll have to when I show you later Savannah: oh Savannah: well now I'm unfocused Jac: Are we mad about that or no? Savannah: frustration does come into it, anger doesn't Jac: You're so cute Jac: tell me how I can help Savannah: you are helping Jac: more Jac: I wanna help more Savannah: No, because I can't demand that you come here any time I want you to Savannah: even if I really want you to Jac: it'd be hot if you did Jac: demand away Jac: though I really do need to go into town, stock up on some essentials Savannah: I'm trying to be 👼🏾 Savannah: but you & the lord are testing me Jac: You're very good Jac: that's the problem Jac: I never want to leave you, or do anything but be with you, properly Savannah: 🥺🥺🥺 Savannah: you're going to make me cry or run towards you or something else as dramatic Jac: I can handle dramatic Jac: prefer the term passionate though, suits you better Savannah: you think you can Jac: prove me wrong Jac: try to, anyway Savannah: stop trying to tempt me, you'll never get to town if I do Jac: Okay, okay 👼🏻 Jac: just making sure you're the most excited you can be to see me later Savannah: you're making sure I need to see you now Jac: Maybe Savannah: it's not a maybe for me Jac: Promise? Savannah: yes Jac: 🥰 Jac: I don't know what to say but that Savannah: you don't have to say anything, just come & see me before you go Jac: alright Jac: hold on Savannah: 😊 Jac: I know you look much cuter than that emoji rn Savannah: [a selfie because of course she looks effortlessly 💣] Jac: oh Savannah: Now you know exactly how I look Jac: now I need to 🏃 Savannah: I wouldn't be mad about it Savannah: I am waiting for you, after all Jac: You reckon you've been patient enough, yeah? Savannah: don't you think so? Jac: You've not wanted to kiss me for as long as I've wanted to kiss you Savannah: I know Jac: so, you can wait a little bit and I won't feel too bad Jac: even if you 🥺 Savannah: I don't want you to feel bad, you know that's the opposite of how I want to make you feel Savannah: for a really long time Savannah: but if you want to make me wait instead, you can Savannah: I won't 🥺 Jac: Savannah Savannah: ? Jac: Do you know how good it feels to hear you say all that Savannah: I may not have waited as long as you but I still feel good right now knowing that this is something that's finally happening Jac: I want you to feel good Jac: and happy and safe and Jac: only good things Savannah: that's all I want for both of us Jac: you make me happy Savannah: I hope so because you did & do make me the happiest I've ever been Jac: then it's settled Savannah: that you're running here? Okay Jac: That, Jac: and the fact we're going to keep doing everything we can to make each other happy Savannah: 😄 Of course Savannah: I knew that's what you actually meant but it'll make me really happy to have you here Jac: I'm looking forward to feeling that Savannah: you won't have to leave too soon, will you? Jac: Nah Jac: we've got time Jac: you're my priority right now Savannah: that's a relief because you're everything to me Savannah: & if I have to make time by following you into town & every shop, then I will Savannah: but you might want more privacy than that Jac: there's no maybe that I want to be alone with you right now Savannah: that's another relief, I don't think I'm ready to be that shameless Savannah: it's a very small town Jac: 😂 Jac: you never have to be that shameless Jac: I only wanna do what makes you happy Savannah: please remind me of that when lectures start & you're the only thing I can think about because I feel like the urge to be shameless won't be as easy to ignore then Jac: I'll help you study if you help me Jac: you were always distractingly beautiful, we were still the perfect team Savannah: so were you, I know you think I wasn't looking, that I didn't want to, but that just isn't true Jac: I know there were Jac: moments Jac: it was just not knowing if they were the same moments for you as they were for me Savannah: as soon I met you I felt like I didn't know anything any more, not to be the level of sure that I thought I needed everything to stay at for my life to make sense Savannah: I was a mess, there's a high probability that I still am Jac: I didn't mean to do that to you Jac: I know you aren't asking for an apology for it or anything Jac: it was the same for me in that I'd not felt that before either Savannah: you didn't do anything, it was my own feelings that turned my world upside down & my own fault that instead of trying to actually deal with it, I decided to fill my world with loads of other things, as if that would force it into being the right way up again Savannah: of course it didn't Jac: I'm not about to blame mine on you either Jac: though you are the only person, girl or boy, that I've been this attracted to, I only mean that as a positive Jac: it was a mess of a time, and there's lots of it I do regret and have learned from, and continue to learn from, hopefully, but I don't regret it all, and don't think we should Savannah: I could never take you saying or feeling that for me as a negative Savannah: & yes, I agree, though I don't think I've done nearly as much learning or growing in these two years as I should've Savannah: which is why I don't want to be a distraction for you, despite the fact that this situation couldn't be more different than anything that happened in Sligo Jac: Me either, I didn't turn into or saint myself in your absence Jac: in certain ways, I got worse, honestly Jac: ways I still haven't dealt with Jac: but you could never be a distraction in the way those things and people were for you Jac: you make me better Jac: I know there were instances where we made each other worse Jac: but is it giving us too much credit to say that was more, the upsidedownness of how our feelings made our lives feel, rather than us being together? Savannah: I guess that the only way we can truly take that credit by earning it now, in being together & doing better Savannah: because our lives are still going to be upside down here, sometimes & maybe even often to start with Jac: I can acknowledge that my life isn't upside down because of this, us, you Jac: not dealing with it, facing it, that was a big part Jac: not all of it, our lives are big and complex and messy, regardless Jac: but denying who I am, what I want, well, it didn't even feel like my life Savannah: if only the guilt I feel began & ended with you, I know I can do things to heal that Savannah: this relationship is the most well functioning one I have, including the relationship I have with myself Jac: I really know what you mean Jac: I've barely communicated with my family since Jac: and even before that, I was never great at it Savannah: I literally have no room to judge, you know the state that my family has been and is currently in Jac: and there are relationships, guilt, I personally feel I'll never be able to erase Jac: it's fitting punishment but still Jac: the only comfort is that Isabelle is doing fine despite it all, despite what I feel I had a massive hand in, even if I didn't do it myself, or know it would be done Savannah: ^^ Savannah: & there's a degree of comfort in all our siblings clearly coping better than us Savannah: not that it would be very difficult to raise the bar there Jac: Seriously Jac: I mean, I try to take comfort in it Jac: not just feel jealous and bitter, not a good look, I know Savannah: me too, even though it also makes my heart sink how my sister viewed me & how far from the truth it was Jac: You didn't just put up the front for yourself, you were protecting her from knowing how you really felt, when there was already so much for her to cope with, even if she did well Jac: which is far better than what I did, not that it's a competition or I'm trying to tell you you did perfectly Savannah: but now that's a dialogue I can never open back up because I was lying Savannah: she can never know that when it's exactly what both our parents did Jac: Never say never Jac: beyond that aphorism, I doubt you know everything about her thoughts and feelings, it's normal to have that barrier at the time Jac: things are easier to discuss after the fact, when you've both got a degree more clarity, removed from the !!! of things when they're happening Jac: as much of a hypocrite as that makes me to say, because I've started no such conversations myself Jac: but Sienna adores you as much as you her, and not because she thinks you're perfect, but because you're her big sister Savannah: we definitely both know that better than most, there's reasons why I deleted every conversation I began with you then & I'm not censoring myself now Savannah: don't worry, I'm not going to insist you have a heart to heart with Jude or any of the others Jac: ^^ Jac: The amount of times I went to say, everything I could possibly say, pour my heart out to you, that that felt like exactly the right thing to do Jac: then had to go distract myself with whatever wrong thing Jac: I have talked to Jesse, a bit Jac: more recently, too Savannah: I'm sorry that the timing was all wrong for me to be able to listen to or express any of it, but I'm ready now, I promise Savannah: for everything you could possibly say Savannah: including that you've told your brother about me Jac: No, it wouldn't have been right to do it that way Jac: like it wasn't right to just, kiss you Jac: it felt it but we weren't ready for any of it, it might seem like I was, just because I knew how I felt about you, but so much else was confused and yeah, it wasn't, I wasn't Jac: you aren't mad? Jac: obviously they've all seen you're here too now Jac: but I've not gone into any kind of meaningful detail with the rest of them Savannah: It's okay, I'm glad you've had someone to talk to Savannah: I know this week has been confusing too, that I must have made it confusing for you Jac: In a good way Jac: obviously, I'm so glad to have you back in my life Jac: I didn't think we'd ever get closure either Jac: and I had more trouble making peace with that than just about anything else Savannah: thank god I didn't go on that gap year Jac: You were thinking about it? Savannah: originally we were going together, Milo & I, so it would've been more of an undertaking to go alone, but I thought you wouldn't want to see me, so Jac: That makes sense Savannah: Putting us in different years was as much distance as I could give you without like uprooting my entire future, it seemed like a good idea Savannah: obviously it therefore stands to reason that my dad said no Jac: Was going to say, surprised your dad agreed to that plan at any point Savannah: he was somewhat distracted by his new girlfriend Jac: Of course Jac: #1 priority 'til you're not Jac: what's Sienna's plan for next year? Savannah: she's struggling to decide which uni she should go to Savannah: maybe she'll take a gap year, that'd be so typical Jac: Yep, Jude and Jameson get away with murder in comparison Savannah: It would unfair even if he was any kind of decent father, but how he believes he can lecture me as things currently are, I have no idea Jac: A lot of people are, not happy to live the mess their life is in, but are happy to be willfully blind to it Jac: it's easier than making changes, especially when you're a part of the problem Savannah: he's called me every day that I've been here, like, we're not bringing this into my new life, thank you Jac: That's too much Jac: designated a day(s) and time and don't answer any other time, he'll have to learn to respect it Savannah: he has literally NO boundaries for someone who shut the door on us & walked away until he was forced to come back in Jac: it's a control thing Jac: but where was his authority when it would have actually benefitted you, re. everything with your mum, why wasn't he laying down the law then? Jac: only when it benefits him and makes him feel better about himself Savannah: exactly, I'm beyond tired of it Savannah: he made those 2 years so much worse than they already would've been Savannah: I'm obviously not going to insist that all the blame for Milo lands squarely on his shoulders but if I had a home that I felt comfortable spending time in, I wouldn't have needed to be at his as often as I was Savannah: which really didn't help me process anything that I should've been Jac: It definitely was a factor Jac: I know how that feels too Jac: not wanting to be home Jac: but not wanting to be out of the house either because that was just as bad in different ways Jac: I see the appeal of having somewhere to be Savannah: I knew you'd understand Savannah: I'm so happy to have you to talk to again Jac: Obviously I don't love that for you, that you had to do that Jac: but I, again, know the feeling Savannah: It's what I've always done, with Ty & you too Savannah: I missed your house the most though, it was my favourite place to land Savannah: even if none of your siblings liked having me there 😄 Jac: Said as if Jude's friends aren't the most annoying people in the world Savannah: there's so many of them Jac: Yeah, she'd invite any old stray home Savannah: that sounds like a caffeine headache to me Savannah: I don't know how she does it Jac: She doesn't do a whole lot of anything else, that's why Savannah: who's she dating? Jac: your guess is as good as mine Savannah: okay, that sounds like an entirely different headache Savannah: at least some things have stayed the same Jac: I wouldn't know, really Jac: it's not like that, me and my siblings Jac: well, it hasn't been Savannah: I'm sorry for how much of that is my fault Savannah: because I hurt you Jac: I'm not going to put all the blame onto your shoulders, either Jac: it isn't Savannah: but I know you & I knew what would happen Savannah: I didn't stop you from shutting down because I wanted everything to stop Savannah: when you kissed me it felt like the world should've, but it didn't Jac: I know Jac: it would've been so much more of a thing for you to go with it, to change what you were, or who you were seen as, at least Savannah: I was so in love with Ty & I wanted it to work so badly but I couldn't do it Savannah: I'd never failed before at something I'd been that determined about Savannah: It sounds so stupid to say at this point Jac: It's not Jac: but you know, I mean, at the risk of making it sound like I thought you were stupid, when it was probably so obvious and you did know Jac: I was trying to get him out the picture Jac: you didn't fail Savannah: if our relationship was strong enough you wouldn't have been able to Savannah: as I said, everything changed when I met you anyway Savannah: he wasn't stupid either Jac: Yeah Jac: as pointless as it is to say how we should've handled it Jac: I want you to know I hold myself accountable for what I clearly shouldn't have done, and you can too Savannah: we all did things that we shouldn't have done Jac: True Savannah: I forgive you and you can forgive yourself too Jac: It's hard, isn't it Jac: not to feel like I was the worst when my intentions are the only ones I can truly know Savannah: yes & I feel it too, all the time Savannah: but I've seen you at what you believe to be your worst & I still love you Jac: I love you too Jac: and forgive you, of course Jac: and anyone else who's forgiveness you need, or you want to be better with, we can work on it together, okay Savannah: okay Savannah: everything happens for a reason, right? I don't want to consider changing it if it means I won't end up here Savannah: painful as things have been & still are Jac: I think so Jac: if I didn't believe in fate before, this would've eradicated any doubt Savannah: tempting as it would be to say that I wish I'd just kissed you back in that hotel room, we might not be here together if I did Savannah: two years is kind of my limit apparently, so far at least 😄 Jac: No pressure, or anything Jac: we have to do at least the four at the same uni so Savannah: okay, you can dump me after that if you insist Jac: It's your turn Jac: and I never would so Savannah: well, I'm never going to leave you Savannah: not again, because technically I already did, which makes it your turn Jac: Okay, looks like we're staying with each other Savannah: if you EVER get here Savannah: I thought you were supposed to be running Jac: You'll have to stop talking, my love 😏 Savannah: you'll have to stop me

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