#'dont you wanna be evil like me' ( what do you mean my child doesnt want what i want what do you mean you have your own opinions

[aceyanaheim]

“Evil like me” is the campiest and most “why” song in D1 but at the same time it’s vital to understanding just how Malifiecent controls Mal ( and to a degree Jay and Evie and how they are controlled by their parents) and because of that I will always be glad it exists and at the same time wish it existed...better 

[swiftfootedachilles]

Omg please spill the tea because I have the same strife !! Which mischaracterizations ?! 👀

girl i literally cant to that publicly i would get blackballed by the popular blogs. the fics and posts ive made have already flopped HARD and im rejection sensitive i actually dont know what i would do if popular blogs stopped interacting with me entirely 😭 im being so fr right now some of my opinions would have me sent to fandom prison 😭

but i will say that a lot of it is people like..... blatantly ignoring things that are canon. and if you know me you know i dont think canon is perfect! like i actively ignore the fact that writers made gallavich verse, i am not saying we have to conform to canon! but there are things we see characters say and do multiple times across many seasons, and a huge part of the fandom has just.... collectively decided to ignore it

i guess ill give one hot take as an example: "ian fell first but mickey fell harder" im sorry but i do believe this quote to be accurate because mickey had much more to lose by coming out. "fell harder" doesnt refer to him being more in love with ian, it refers to how much the realization of being in love effected his life. he nearly died, was brutally sexually assaulted, forced into an arranged marriage with his rapist (i use that term loosely when referring to svetlana, because it was moreso terry raping mickey by proxy), forced to raise a child and be reminded every second of every day that he was assaulted, had the shit beat out of him in public, just overall treated so inhumanely by terry. ian simply did not experience such homophobic abuse his from family. and - whether we like it or not - we cant ignore the vile shit ian said in mickeys absence in s6 onward. he laughed about mickey being raped. yes i think the writers completely missed the mark by doing that, but im not someone who can just ignore that he bad talked mickey several times. i think its a shame to ignore that this happened, because it does add so much complexity to his character. like i could write a whole essay on ian in the middle seasons and how his canon treatment of mickey (both when mickey was in prison and in s7e11+12) makes him more complex than the fandom wants to believe..... plus the whole 87% thing. like i love ian but he canonically does and says very bad and mean things, and thats part of WHY i love him. i love characters who are bad people. being a bad character and being a bad person are two completely different things and people dont wanna believe that bc they see ian as ~perfectly imperfect~

on a similar note...the way people mischaracterize debbie as evil is so fucking stupid - and i truly believe its ableism because they demonize her (imo) bpd symptoms

[nicomrade]

i think it all boils down to it ends on putting the last puzzle piece in place and lacks any time spent gazing at it in its complete state. whys the last vol of 21st cent boys more mystery solving when the first was hot robot action that was barely foretold? why not swap the two? first finish solving the mystery, then catharsis as conveyed through the medium of awesome robot action? if you tell me something is real and then immediately close the book i do not have time to really grasp w the implications of that truth. you are rushing me and im a scared foal who wants to stay in the middle of this road.

and my standards for coherence and consistency and impactful character writing are VERY DIFFERENT for a story that consists of nothing but turns and twists and lies and half-remembered memories and wrongly remembered memories and a VR reconstitution of someone else lying about their memories and pretend deaths and real deaths and masks and lying and hiding and flip and flopping. thats fine. if anything its good that most of the main cast is so consistent and/or has such straightforward character arcs. THATS GOOD. we gotta leave the complicated stuff to the way the story is told. thats my reader position going into it. im not asking any one character to blow my socks off or for the mystery itself to sound cool once unraveled, i only ask for it to be competently told

well it still disappointed me. like to be clear 90% of the manga is so awesome and a great ride but when it comes the time to wrap up and end it just flops it really hard. like, its cute that that one detective had it all figured out from the start! well, can i see his notes? this feels like such a perfect setup for a "wrapup" at the end. LET ME READ HIS NOTES !!! why cant i read his notes. why wont you wrap-up ur mystery after introducing such a perfect setup for it? and like yes we See his notes but we read like "sadakiyo other friend" ok well thats nothing. give me a proper wrapup after 22~24 volumes of this spanning over decades both in-story and irl. u are teasing and edging me rn. also it maybe shows the writer themselves have sort of lost the plot as well !.

this missed opportunity is emblematic of the problem is what im saying. and its probably the only thing i can truly criticize this work for. "it lost sight of its own mystery somewhat towards the end". this above is also kind of nothing id consider to be real spoilers and i promised id spoil this entire manga so now lets go in a bit deeper there, in the dark 👉

regarding loose threads i would point to- i forgot her name- the badass evil butch lady whos pregnant w friends child. like whats the conclusion on that? or the OTHER lady whos pregnant w friends child? like i dont mean to say im completely lost as to what happens at the end of a pregnancy but its like- what is this supposed to say to me? can a character turn into the camera and tell me "children r awesome and what make this world go round so we cant treat these kids as evil before-birth, we should celebrate them existing at all". thatd help me out a lot. this is kind of nothing and doesnt matter in the grand scope but its stayed with me. maybe because we are missing any "real ending" feel so i also feel like im missing the thematic Meaning of the work

can we talk about sadakiyo? i love sadakiyo hes awesome. so he for sure definitely died in that car like there was no hint that maybe he hadnt, it was a pretty normal conclusion to his arc. he was, after all, just a tool to friend and so when the tool doesnt wanna serve u anymore u kill it. fine. whys sadakiyo alive at the end? what purpose does he serve? to be in a coma??? and die again??? ok well dont do this to my man sadakiyo. fucking flopesque. and i UNDERSTAND that this ^ death being undone is a repetition of the fukubei motif v

so fukubei. i love fukubei hes awesome. so he for sure definitely died in that classroom shot by i forgor- otcho? anyway otcho checked his body, that was fukubei AND he was dead. then he shows up again ?!!! what were they thinking!- lol im joshing i dont mind that he shows up again later cause thats a BODY DOUBLE ! :D classic mystery writing. wait whats this in 21st cent boys- FUKUBEI DIED AS A CHILD???? well WHO was this fucker otcho checked the body of if not fukubei. couldnt be- i forgot his name. couldnt be carp boy due to we clearly draw a "before" and "after" fukubei's death in how people consider friend. and the "after" is carp boy. so the "before" cannot be carp boy. can only be fukubei. but fukubei died as a child ...

and u see this would be a delicious twist to me cause it gives u this sort of timeline:

fukubei fakes his death as a child but its a trick and hes fine -> he also starts burrying other kids by spreading rumors theyre dead when theyre literally fine [sadakiyo namely] -> fakes his death as fukubei on bloody new years -> fakes his death again as friend and then is fine [at the world expo, the whole pope thing] -> wait hold on that last death was real. it was definitely real. -> wait hold on that first death was real. it was real.

we do get foreshadowing for it too which is yummiful for me. this ^ is an awesome chain of narration yes keep showing me this guy dying but then hes fine and then tell me that no, actually, these fake deaths, were all real. he really did die. i think what breaks it for me is that the way that fake-hanging in the classroom is framed THAT mystery was solved completely and entirely on the last repetition we saw of it, like its just not brought up or a point of mystery again. so then coming in cutely on the last chapter of the last 21st boys volume and tell me "he died as a child" is like ok but u didnt mystery solve that one for me u didnt thats not how mystery writing works u dont get to put foreshadowing together off screen and tell me the answer later u have to put the foreshadowing together on screen thats how this mystery story contract works.

so theres that + the mentionned incongruity created with this whole "friend changed !!!" "hes not the same guy anymore!!!" stuff thats only here to confirm the reader suspicions/plant reader suspicions that fukubei DID die as an adult that last time and then the guy at the expo w the pope was another guy entirely- a fake. thats fine if that IS your end game solution but if its just a red herring ure gonna have to be clearer about that at the end . . . when you mystery solve your mystery. and not do it off screen. do ya get me?

and dont get me started on kenji stealing that space force badge or whatever thats nothing, not foreshadowed in the slightest, doesnt matter. carp boy's obsession w kenji couldve just been that him playing 20th cent boys song that one time dissuaded him from suicide but then neither kenjis group nor fukubei's would accept him and that made him Weird. and want to crawl into their skin and play them like puppets. thats awesome. no need to add more shit thats not even a mystery but paced with the beats of a mystery unravelling. DONT WASTE MY TIME ON ADDING POINTLESS BULLSHIT THAT DOES NOT RING TRUE!! IS MY POINT !! when you still have AN ACTUAL MYSTERY GOING ON YOU APPARENTLY RAN OUT OF TIME TO UNRAVEL PROPERLY !!!

also, again, sadakiyo did not survive that car explosion and would not give his mask to wear to a bunch of orphans that mask is a symbol of his isolation and of fukubei's [and also carp boy's] manipulation of him that have rendered him literally faceless. you will have to notice the 3 kids who wear that mask have either panels of themselves faceless or talk extensively about not having a face. you will also notice that sadakiyo was freed from this as an adult when they found a childhood picture of him that showed his face properly. and he stopped wearing that mask. and was EXPLICITELY asked by kenjis group to stay w them and not sacrifice himself. his childhood drama was all resolved. do not tell me that he survived that car explosion- SOMEHOW- and then UNDID his own character arc, started wearing the mask again,? put it on other kids ???? no no no this is nothing you are losing your own plot this does not ring true he would not do this. this is nothing. this is meaningless. do not spoil a perfectly good character arc this way and waste pages on this when you still have more mystery to solve. what are we doing here? lets move along i beg you

also what does carp boy even care about the world expo since he was "dead" we dont even know his status re: the expo like did he go?? did he wanna??? this is important to 20th cent boys who got to go and who wanted to is important. like again i do like that its carp boy and he didnt die as a kid, that reveal was done properly, but it also raises a LOOOOT of questions that shouldve been answered w the rest of the vols instead of having more bullshit that doesnt matter happen in 21st cent boys.

THE TWO WORKS ALSO LITERALLY DIRECTLY FOLLOW EACH OTHER IS THE THING? why is it split in two like this? i sorta assumed wed get a timeskip between 20th & 21st cause like thats what those numbers mean? and also the nature of 20th cent boys is the timeskips. that or itd be a POV shift, ANYTHING that marks it as clearly "different" and "seperate" from what came before- but still the same story. 2 vols of fukubei POV. or carp boy POV. to uhm, WRAP UP THE MYSTERY? but no its just meaninglessly quarantining the last 2 vols just to piss off readers (whether theyre aware of the sequel or not! i knew about it! still annoyed me!!!) it also confuses librarians!!!! i saw this IRL!!! they do not know where to put 21st boys on the shelf in relation to 20th boys!!! just make it one manga

also of course the politics of 20th cent boys r kinda weird but mostly well meaning which id guess is also true of urasawas works in general id have to reread monster but like he never fully commits to that ACAB anarchist spirit and thats too bad. but ive literally never commented on this before because his mystery writing usually slaps so hard. but this time it flopped so im commenting on it.

this also why i brought up the pregnancy plot at the very start ^ or felt annoyed by the way the story slowed wayyyy down w a lot of scenes we have to read twice in the same volume due to the POV shifts happening to waste time rather than build tension. your mystery solving in such a big-scope mystery story is your keystone. if it fails, im going to start poking at the whole stone arch and notice you swapped some limestone and concrete within the marble or whatever. im not a stone guy. understand my metaphor. if ur keystone is fucking awesome i dont even fucking care that u used dirt in that arch. its an awesome arch and the change of material looks cool.

i only had praise for billy bat but here i left 20th cent boys on a bitter taste BECAUSE the billy bat mystery/ies is way better at stringing you along and lying to you in subtle ways and does not bring sadakiyo back to life or end its sequel "2 bat 2 billy" on a paragraph that reads "so in truth kevin had died on his first flight to japan! and it was the perfect opportunity for his assistant to steal his identity and walk around pretending to be him!" and now thinking about that whole fukubei died as a child thing again i realize it was even-er foreshadowed-er than i realized but its just not revealed well so i reject it on instincts it feels like im being gaslit. as true as it is. as planned as it was. and thats maybe the mark that something was truly fumbled at the end there, that i cant accept this no matter how much i realize it had been there all along. 6 out of 10.

ok i need to get outta bed and extensively spoil this entire manga cause its ending is so thoroughly flopped and also i had torturous visions i need to distract myself from

[elysiuminfra]

Alright tell me your complaints about the Jekyll and Hyde fanbase, because if you don't my brain is going to subconsciously project mine on you since you mentioned you had them, and that's not very nice. I want to hear your actual thoughts

OH BOY i have a lot of them. i dont think they're necessarily controversial tbh but i do have quite a bit.

my biggest complaint is the woobification of hyde. he's a grown man. he's a grown man that murders someone, and feels good about it. he drinks and has sex (probably) and does all sorts of things. he's not a baby, he's not a chaotic gremlin, he's a grown ass man!!! i also dont like it when ppl liken him to a child/give him child-like characteristics/make him too short. its weird imo. i dont like it. i think ppl should treat hyde like an adult with agency who's responsible for his own terrible actions instead of going oh woe is hyde / he's just a baby or whatever (and tbh i blame tgs a lot for this. no hate towards sabrina i just dont like that hyde is seen as "cutesy" in canon. i think that man doesnt shave his [censored])

the insistence that jekyll and hyde is about good/evil, or that jekyll is secretly bad and hyde is good/vice versa. jekyll sucks, but hyde isn't any better, the end. i don't think jekyll is a good person but he's not like, irredeemable i guess. he just sucks. he just uses hyde as an excuse to kill a guy. fuck alot. do cocaine. i mean who doesn't wanna go nuts sometimes. he can be self destructive as a treat if he wants

that jekyll and hyde are completely separate people. once again i blame tgs for this (sorry sabrina) which is like. its not the point of the story i guess. im a strickler for keeping the original themes, though, so that's just me. but also what comes with that is ppl shipping the two which i just. nope. nope!! i cant do it. in my mind's eye jekyll and hyde, though there is a degree of separation at the end of the story, are the same person. its weird and i dont like it. its only made worse when ppl woobify hyde/make him much younger. it genuinely makes me gag like stop that!!! stop it!!! :(

i dont like the musical. i just dont. im sorry to musical fans everywhere but i dont like it. :( please dont get mad at me for this. i will give them this bring on the men does go hard as fuck though (also anthony warlow's voice. hot damn)

i also dont like tgs as much. i just have issues with the writing (bc once again i love the original book too much) and also utterson isnt even there :( this also brings me into my next point is that UTTERSON!!!! he's funny and lovable and not enough ppl like him and just ignore him in favor of jekyll/hyde or lanyon (once again tgs) and im like :( no.... please....... he's funny and i like him

i think tgs is a fine enough story on its own, putting it nicely at least, but i dont like that it's greatly influenced a lot of ppl's perception of the original story. and this is coming from a former fan. it's led a lot of ppl to woobify hyde/ignore utterson/act like jekyll and hyde are separate/etc etc. just a lot of stuff that goes against the original.

idk what else to put here tbh i probably have more but cant think of any rn. i just think that we need more nuance in our discussions of these characters, shouldn't ignore certain unfavorable facets, and be open to criticism of media we enjoy. and we should also treat grown men like grown men. and be nice to eachother i guess. peace and love.

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. To add to your collection of RS's old tumblr ask screenshots (LO canvas league era), i distinctly remember there was an ask where someone asked why is mortal realm so behind olympus technology-wise and RS responded something along the lines of technology timelines not being aligned "because the gods don't wanna share the goodies" (the quotations are her exact words, to be precise) and it was kind of an early red flag for me? I mean, the greek myths are all about gods helping humans and giving them the means to survive or about explaining natural phenomena that benefits humans whether it's prometheus with introducing fire or athena and hephaestus spreading the knowledge of crafts among humans or even ares and poseidon making way for the first court trial in greece on areopagus. You don't get the permission to "deconstruct" the myths if you don't even know what they are initially about

2. What makes me tick is RS makes everything up instead of working with mythology (first thing she'd have to do is to...ummm, know mythology but oh well). She seems to see original mythology as something limiting to her creativity instead of something that unlocks more possibilities for more interesting storytelling. If someone wants concrete examples, let's say persephone's half-bothers plutus and philomelus who'd make an interesting dynamic of maybe two protective/concerned older or younger bros (it'd lessen the portrayal of demeter's "bad" parenting) and she'd have a support system of two guys who don't have the motive to get in her pants, unlike , ykno, the rest of the male cast.  Also it'd even out the playfield between Perse and Hades finance and power-wise as Plutus is a god of wealth and Perse,aside from being a heiress, can also turn to her brother for financial help instead of being reliant on Hades all the damn time. Intead RS put Arion just for some lame joke of persephone having a horse brother and is stripped away from any familial connections (male or female) she has in myth so she'd fit in Hades's waifu mold with no risk of going sweet home alabama that myth implies so much

3. the fact persephone is barely over the age of 18 doesn't help when there's so much panels and art of her where's she's literally just naked. if she was 300 or smth we could at least know we are likely not looking at a naked underage girl, but instead it's like??? you're just praying youre not?? especially when she's around grown adults like hermes and hades?? rachel please i dont want to be put on a list -

4. i feel so bad for RS' partner because apparently hermes is based off them (and everyone knows persephone is her self insert) yet in comic hermes' whole purpose is to simp for a woman who literally doesnt like him and being a walking joke. like idk id be so offended my partner sees me like that?? like damn i cant even be with you in your fantasy?? you rather run off with blue mads mikklesen if given the chance?? anyway poor hermes and that kiwi i appreciate you 😭

5. I can’t take Persephone serious as a protagonist she failed to grow as a character in her own. She can’t do anything without Hades she didn’t fight back against Apollo, she failed to tell Zeus the truth, and hen warrant for her arrest was made she didn’t think about her mother at all being in danger! And her punishment was basically doing her job and growing her powers…?

6. "the art is subjective!" well i wish i wasnt subjected to it 🤔

7. I know this whole comic is full of un-self reflective hypocrisy, but are we really not supposed to find it stupid minthe is basically slut shamed for wearing a revealing dress around a child, but its perfectly fine for persephone to wear as revealing of clothing around the same child they're so concerned over? it's not even a cause of showing hades' hypocrisy, it's just straight forward "yep! minthe is evil no matter what but it's ok with persephone does the same thing!" like ???

8. There's something funny of LO fans trying to accuse Ava's Demon of ripping of LO as if it wasn't already published and popular in 2012, aka nearly SIX YEARS before LO even came out. Hell, it was HUGE on tumblr when RS was on it, there's no way she didn't know about it, and a lot of the LO characters seem awfully similar to Ava's Demon (Hades and Gils being a VERY obvious similarity). I'm not saying she did so, but if any sort of ripping off did happen, it would be from RS, not Michelle.

9. This is coming from someone who does have a huge age gap in their parents marriage(about 8 to 9 years apart) but the reason I don't see a problem with mine is that they both meet when they were MATURE ADULTS with jobs. Persephone cleary is not mature enough for Hades minus all the other problems with this relationship. 

10. LO fans hates Hadestown because tthey can't stand complexity, the cast and crew who love to shit on HxP, or the Persephone actresses who especially love to push a Hermes/Persephone supremacy agenda!!

[tartagliaxx]

I finally finished Inazuma Archon quest and I have so many things in my mind.

Spoiler maybe (????????)

1. I wanna slap Ei so so so so so so bad. Like, uhg, damn.

2. I think I'm in love with Yae Miko, be my mommy ma'am 🥺

3. It bruns me to the core that Childe is one of the fatui, after seeing all the things they've done and how they don't really care about human life... I feel like, uhg, out of love with him? I still like him but then my brain says "He's not too different from Scara, he tried to drown Liyue, what if he would have succeeded?" I'm having a crisis here. Childe the househusband and Childe the heartless fatui, I hope in this new event we can learn more about him but still... I feel salty.

4. I cried like a baby, Teppei, I'll miss you so much.

5. Archons are selfish, I don't trust them no matter how attractive and daddy like cofcofzhonglicofcof they can be.

Okay, I finished! In general a good story, however, the ending was kinda rushed? Hehehehe Thank you for reading, I just wanted to share this with you 💕

🤷🏻‍♀️ Anon

so uh… well… hm… i have a lot of things to say abt the inazuma archon quest and aha… majority of them are… not good </3 i wont bore u w it tho bc istg i could write a full 180 pages just ranting abt whatever the hell that was. i did share my thoughts utc abt the points u made tho

ei is… well i dont really know what to say abt her. i like her design and her playstyle but how she was written? eh… i’m not the fondest unfortunately. i cant say that she’s not endearing sometimes tho.

yes. i worship one (1) yae miko 🧎‍♀️

lol. well… as his self-proclaimed first wife, i feel like i need to defend him but literally, with what?? i made an in-depth analysis over this b4 and idk if you read it but it was in an ask and i discussed my take on househusband childe and canon childe. the way i see it, scaramouche and childe are different. they’re both evil, yes, but their ambition, reasoning and way of things make them different kinds of evil people. in my eyes, childe seems like the person who would avoid unnecessary innocent deaths but wouldn’t hesitate to cut them down for his own goal. on the other hand, i dont think scaramouche would even bother w his dubious morals. now dont get me wrong, death is death and im not justifying his murders. i’m just saying that to a degree, childe does care abt human life. after all, he values his family. i find it hard to believe that whenever he does kill, he doesnt, for a split second, see his family’s faces. it’s just that he values his own ambition over life and its not any better but i think it’s a vital point of his character. one thing i like abt childe is that he’s not pretentious and the game also does a good job of portraying him as a harbinger. childe has never tried to pretend as if he’s a misunderstood villain. no, he admits that he’s a bad person who has done bad things and the game doesnt make it anymore or less than it’s supposed to be. yes, this guy is bad. there’s no justifying that. he was introduced from the get-go as someone we should be wary of and we were. ngl tho, i dont think him succeeding in liyue would affect anything. first, his plan was never going to succeed bc zhongli was ready to fix things if the qixing proved to be incompetent and second, because childe already has red on his ledger even b4 the game started. he’s canonically ‘evil’ and ‘immoral’ in that sense. tldr, liking childe means a.) liking the complexities of his canon character and psychology, b.) liking the fans’ portrayal of childe and c.) a little of both. i think you fit in the b category in which case i feel like you should avoid letting the canon bleed into your views bc it’ll be quite stressful? difficult? to think abt. i really do think it’s easier to think of those as two different people bc the way househusband childe could become canon is very different from the househusband childe you probably have in mind.

sigh… teppei you would be missed… i hope you had more development and roles.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm ok so i have a lot to say abt this but i’ll get to the gist. ‘selfish’ would be a good term but i also feel like it’s lacking. rather than being ‘selfish’ i think they’re more ‘human.’ they’re no different to the mortals save for their ageless and powerful nature. every day, we receive stimulus that make us react differently, possibly immorally which i can assure you, none of these archons believe they were immoral. ei, for example, believed an unchanging inazuma would be the best way to safeguard her people from the pain of loss. zhongli also thought that him leaving liyue to the hands of the people is a gift and so is venti’s lack of overseeing presence in mondstadt. we cant say they’re wrong bc their principles are also fundamentally different from ours. similarly, i can’t say for sure that if i were in their shoes (which is to say i am a god who experienced years of war, faced millions of loss and did smth that was against my morals), i’ll be any less ‘selfish.’ the only reason i could react negatively rn at ei’s actions is bc i know what it means to be mortal and to waste away but in her eyes, she probably cant comprehend the human dislike for stagnancy. how could she when she’s been stagnantly herself all these thousands of years? the truth of this matters remains to be that these archons thought they were right (just like human decision in their day to day drama) and the choices they made are flawed similar to how humans would make choices that cant be agreeable for everyone. but yes. don’t trust anyone for that matter

the entire thing was rushed. wish it took a different turn but eh- i hope this was a good reply lol. i got carried away and ended up rambling abt my cluttered view of some things. hope you dont mind <33

[coweggomelet]

i apparently enjoy putting down my thoughts on the off chance someone will read it and enjoy it so here’s rwby rewatch vol 3. i’m ready to be sad!!

(note: it’s long i’m sorry, i have many thoughts and i tried to narrow it down but oh boy do i think im funny)

- the SOUND DESIGN. AGAIN

- ruby you’re so precious. so sweet. so eager. so earnest. c’mere and i’ll protect you from all the bad shit that happens to you later

- hi cardboard cutout tai

- i keep getting an ad for a rooster teeth show called camp betrayal and the way this man says “hoo hoo hoo” will haunt me for the rest of time

- oh shit the fact that it’s called amity has such insane implications for what it’s used for later. jesus.

- “bffs!” “No.” “…/yessss/” love them

- yeet the yang

- god ruby’s admiration of emerald is so sad in retrospect like… oh boy ruby you’re in for it

- PYRRHAAAAA I LOVE YOU DONT LEAVE ME

- “even if you know how a story ends, that doesn’t make it any less fun to watch” wow cinder are you psychic

- ummmm they’re having a talk can you please respect their privacy

- thor whomst??? i only know nora valkyrie

- BROODY MAN

- hiiiii gavin

- so much mid battle banter. in the middle of a big important fight they just have to make jokes and argue. i love teenagers

- SILENCE YOU BOOB

- awww winter you’re a disaster and you’re horribly emotionally repressed because of your bitch ass dad but jesus christ you care about your little sister and you wanna know she’s doing okay and i’m emotional about it

- PENNYYYYY my love just keep being you

- jeez i forgot how early on ironwood was talking his shit about being “someone who will act”, the “only person” who will do what needs to be done, as if his course of action is what needs to be done

- every single person who underestimates emerald and mercury gets so fucked up. like so many people look at these youngerish teenagers with some funny one liners and banter and go “oh they seem capable and they’re confident and funny so i like em but i can take em” and then absolutely get the shit kicked out of them. and i think that’s why they’ve been so successful, cause nobody takes them seriously enough to consider them a threat.

- see this is why i love rwby. coco just turned her handbag into a gatling gun and cut down a field of grass with it

- god the way they hint at emerald’s semblance before fully showing what it is. *chef’s kiss*

- winter marry me

- we love an uncle who absolutely destroys his nieces at video games

- “they do and they’re called silver!” ruby i love you

- top heavy. heheh

- this dude’s weapon is a trumpet!! she’s got glowing nunchucks!! i love this show!!

- this battle music is AMAZING what the FUCK they’re fighting to JAZZ

- cinder if you keep having vague ominous dialogue people are gonna get the wrong idea

- oh yeah great idea asking a child to take on immense power which sends her into a stressed out panicky spiral and alienates her from the people she finally feels legitimately connected to and for once didn’t feel alienated from

- oh fuck. oh fuck the finals. oh god. oh no.

- she’s so happy. she’s so ready to have a good fight. i’m gonna cry

- FUCK

- and with one moment, the entire show flipped on its head

- god when i watched that the first time i fuckin freaked. i was not prepared man. i was warned. but i was not prepared for this much of a fucking tone change man. that quickly. like tone changes (in my experience) normally happen gradually, but this one happened in, what? 30 seconds?

- fuck

- god this is so bad

- and it GETS WORSE i can’t do this

- love that we can see yang’s distraught eyebrows through her bangs

- after this episode was the first time my friend asked me “how we doing buddy?” and i’ve only wanted to kill her more since then

- oh god emerald’s backstory. this poor child. she was so alone and cinder was there and said i can give you a place i can give you a purpose i can give you security and emerald latched on so hard.

- hiiiii laura bailey i wish you had more than a lil baby line and some sounds of effort

- god that little anklet

- god what a fuckin backstory episode man. backstory? evil plan explanation? idk but it was good

- great parent move. telling your kid you’ll only save them once.

- jaune you sweet good boy. what a good boy. i love him

- god this poor child. she doesn’t deserve this. FUCK i’m so sad. is that the last conversation they have?

- oooooh shit this song is so good. what the fuck i have chills it’s so fitting

- god everyone else is so happy and excited and then there’s ruby who is one of the very few people who knows how bad a fight between penny and pyrrha could be and pyrrha who’s got to decide if she wants someone else’s aura smushed with hers, which could turn her into a different person. FUCK

- peeeennyyyyy “salutations!! it’s an honor to meet you!” it huuuurts

- it makes me so sad but damn was this a good diabolical plan

- god im so sad. penny is so good. and pyrrha’s fuckin eyes. and ruby just collapsing. jesus christ. it’s all fuckin falling apart

- oh fuck here we go. those klaxons are so terrifying

- it makes me so happy that torchwick gets rescued and then like maybe a couple episodes later just gets swallowed

- the fuckin adam fight is coming up too. jesus. really piling on here

- RUBY IS USING ONE OF PENNY’S SWORDS IM GONNA CRYYY

- and she doesn’t even hesitate to save pyrrha

- the one and only time (to my memory) that ironwood is gentle is when he says no one would blame the students if they left. that might be the last time he actually remembers that they’re all teenagers and feels sympathy for these children with all this pressure on them

- oh yeah the big boy

- the first time i watched this i was LOSING MY MIND this whole time. like yang attacked mercury and from then on man. just freaking out.

- eurgh grimm juice

- c’mon blake you got this. i mean. technically you don’t. the fight goes poorly. but you fuckin try and you’re so brave about it and i love youuu

- shut the FUCK up adam you GROOMED her you ASSHOLE

- aahhhh i love velvet!!! her semblance and her whole fighting style is so goddamn cool and has such interesting implications for using weapons and powers of people who are dead

- OH SHIT SHE DOES SUMMON HERE DOESNT SHE. partly but still

- get fucked, torchwick. GET FUCKED. get fuckin chomped

- a backhanded slap feels so much more violent than any fighting with weapons

- uh oh evil katniss

- god. the fucking blood splatter turning the whole shot red. just their silhouettes. the slow motion. the arm slowly separating.

- my friend was also a big fan of “how we feeling?”

- bad. the answer is bad you fuckin sadist

- oz is… a lot of things, and one of them is a goddamn good fighter

- oh god oh noooo she’s gonna kiss & yeet AWWWW FUCK this is heartbreaking

- pyrrha i love you

- if i don’t look it’s not real

- oh pyrrha my love

- awww hey tai. what a good dad. love tai

- i’m so sad. everyone’s so sad. and then salem just has to do an ominous lil monologue where she lays out her whole plan to divide them and makes a fuckin semblance pun. she’s such a good villain

- jacque you stiff bitch

- they’re all fuckin scattered and depressed

- love team rnjr tho

- there she is. god what an ending

[helisol]

:)

again not a finished fic but very extensive notes, this one’s a chonker, 4k words

tl;dr: take it a ds9 but make it into high fantasy wizards. garashir, kiradax and quodo. we’ve got it all here folks.

SO BASICALLY 

I read a book about a young witch apprentice in a world where every magician has a ~special name~ based on an object/plant/animal they’re spiritually connected to.

then I watched ds9 and got introduced to the concept of cardassians being lizards.

the result- wizard lizard.

So Garak “The Lizard” is a mage that got exiled from his home country and ended up taking a pretty neat job in a rural area of a larger empire where being a wizard is Cool and Widely Accepted. 

his duties include keeping the villages around his tower safe, looking for young mages to turn into apprentices, and sometimes making clothes because he’s Still A Tailor.

however, because of his chronic “i no wanna work” disease, this lizard has not actually been looking around the villages near him for magically gifted children. shame on him. 

because through his negligence Julian Bashir, young village doctor, grew up without even knowing that he can do ~magic~

but he soon finds out when his town gets attacked by a Big Evil Magic Monster. The Lizard is taking his sweet time to come to their rescue and Julian can’t just sit by and watch innocent people get mauled by a Chimera or Giant Mantis.

So Julian does the heroic thing and jumps inbetween a wounded child and the monster in the exact second Garak shows up.

And he gets to watch as Julian unleashes some Magic for the first time.

Then Garak Kind Of Abducts Julian So He Can Teach Him Magic

Garak is contractually obligated and allowed to take on anyone who is capable of magic as an apprentice, and he finds Julian’s magic interesting enough to invoke that contract now. Not Julian himself though. Only his magic. for now.

Julian- for like, the first week- is NOT OKAY with being teleported into a tower fortress by a wizard he finds intimidating and scary, and he loudly protests when Garak actually starts to teach him magic spells.

However, this is Julian, and he *is* intrigued by the thought of being able to use magic For Doing Good.

So one night he admits defeat and slinks up to the tower and goes “Okay. Compromise. Teach me healing magic.”

To which Garak is like 👀 “Okay.”

They start having regular magic lessons mostly focused on healing, which Julian is just naturally good at. So they move on to other things. Which Julian is Not naturally good at.

And he becomes very frustrated.

Garak tries to assuage him and says that he doesn’t have to be accomplished in every single field and discipline- which is logically true- but Julian is having none of it since Garak is accomplished in every field.

In a fit of anger Julian unleashes emotional magic again and breaks some of Garak’s things. Books, vials, a desk, nothing super major. But Julian is still surprised and shocked at himself for causing trouble like this and he Runs Away. Straight up exits stage left.

And Garak, who just got flung against the wall by his little apprentice, just rushes to the window and looks as Julian runs away and he is. Disappointed.

Next we have Julian returning home and everyone is like "Doctor!!! You were gone for half a year???" And Julian is like "I thought I was only gone for a month at most-"

Yeah the joke is time flies when you’re having fun because Julian *did* have fun living with Garak. He doesn’t regret leaving though, after all Garak was probably furious after he wrecked his study he wasn’t.

So Julian says to himself "Hmph. I'll just stay home for a week. Garak will hardly notice I'm gone. And then I can make it up to him."

But Then He Stays For A Whole Month

He has to instruct a new doctor to take over the nearby villages, do some paperwork, help some sick people, practice some magic on his own- and at the end of the month He Doesn’t Want To Stay Any Longer.

He’s always been different from the other village people, and now he finally got a taste of what it’s like to have someone help you to achieve your potential and widen your horizon and he *doesn’t* want to give that up for a boring but busy country life.

So back to the tower it is. Julian arrives, the place is kind of messy, and when he finds Garak he is in his study. on the floor. a little drunk, definitely sad, and Very Surprised To See Him.

Here we get a scene where Garak tipsily tells Julian how much he’s grown to appreciate him, not just for his magic talent, but as a person- and that he’s missed him.

But The Next Morning Garak Does Not Remember

And he's just like "Oh Julian. Youre back. I'd almost forgotten about you."

For a second Julian wants to punch a wall because *Yesterday You Told Me You Missed Me*, but then he just Smiles. settles for what they have right now. and asks Garak to continue teaching him magic.

so they go on. and have. so many gay moments.

And then Garak gets told to attend some kind of magic council meeting/banquet.

Julian says something along the lines of "Oh well, guess I'll stay home. You know, protect the fort. Practice magic." but he's a little sad about it.

But garak just goes "Hmm No. I'm taking you with me"

"What-" "I'm introducing you as my apprentice to the magic council." "W h a t-" "Oh also you need pretty clothes for this so I'm gonna make you some. Since you’re a commoner with no actual taste." "W H A T-"

So garak makes a really nice suit for Julian and for himself they match and they go to the Cool Wizard Banquet.

At which Julian meets a lot of wizards and witches and he's like "Wow this is so exciting!" but he also realises he is a Total Country Bumpkin And Noob compared to these people and their apprentices.

He also hears that Apparently the Local Wizard of every region is supposed to do a 5-yearly sweep of the surrounding towns to check for kids that have magic potential and then send them to Magic School/take them in as their apprentice directly.

And Garak. Did not do that.

He was Lazy and Angery. Exile will do that to you.

Julian isn’t too happy when he learns about this and he walks out of the banquet hall into the garden- to where Garak follows him.

"So just because you were all bitchy about having to follow this country's rules about magic you let me grow up not knowing my full potential? How many of my childhood friends might be able to do magic if they tried?"

“I was in a really bad place back then."

"SO WHAT? Things are okay now because you found me? If you had been two minutes early during that attack you wouldnt even know I could use magic!"

"...but I *wasn’t* early!"

So Julian just throws up his hands in frustration and leaves to get away from Garak for a while.

The next day he mingles more with the other apprentices and they exchange Ideas and Skills and also Gossip about their teachers.

Some of the apprentices suggest that Julian could go to magic school for a while before applying for a *new* teacher, since obviously Garak did him wrong.

This doesn’t sound like a bad idea, so he talks with some older mages and most of them are friendly and are like “Oh yeah, sure, we’d love to take you in.”

But then it turns out a lot of people are talking behind his back about how much of an outlier he is.

(wizard culture is like 50% magic and 50% gossip)

So Julian is standing on a balcony and down below he hears a group of Douche Wizards discussing his inadequacies.

And it kinda makes Julian feel like absolute shit, so his powers go wobbly again. But then enter stage right: Garak

Who properly puts those wizards into their rightful place like "Say one more bad thing about my apprentice and I’ll blast your punk ass back to Romulus. You should KNOW the reason why I dont usually take apprentices, but here you are anyway saying he has no power. He has more power in his pinky than all of you combined."

Turns out there’s an extra layer to Why Garak didn’t do the "Check for Magicians in your Area" thing- it’s because he openly has no interest in training or working with anyone who isnt Special or Powerful.

Which means Julians happens to be. very special. and very powerful.

And hearing that from Garak makes him go 😳

His emotions are running high and he starts *floating*. Probably the worst thing to do on a first floor balcony out of All The Things To Do On A First Floor Balcony.

So he’s Floating and he doesnt know how to make that Stop.

He panics, starts falling and basically crashes right into Garaks arms.

"Oh great, youre right on time. We're leaving."

"What? But the banquet lasts for a week?" also I'm still a little mad but also a little in love with you?

But Garak has already teleported them back to the tower before he can really argue.

Anyway Julian is upset about many things overall, but mostly that he didnt get to dance. He practiced a lot in his off time.

Thank God Garak Knows This 

"...I know how to make magic music. Let’s have a little fun at least."

They dance and Julian starts floating *again*.

Garak 👀’s @ Julian floating "Okay I’ve been recording most of your emotion based powers. This is new."

Julian just Floats Higher out of embarrassment, so garak is like ‘well I'll just join him up there.’

So he does and Julian is like “WHY CAN YOU DO THAT. SHOW ME HOW TO DO THAT. HOW CAN I CONTROL THIS."

Turns out his emotions are too unclear, which makes his magic unbalanced, so really all they have to do is get him some Clarity.

Garak is like "Well one very easy way to do that is-" and then they kiss in the air. Floating. because I’m gay and I will use gay magic tropes as I see fit.

so that’s the garashir side of things, on to kiradax

There's Some Slow Burn In There

Basically Kira is a mage, but instead of using magic to fight she just Enchants Swords/Arrows/Other Weapons.

Because she fought in a wizard war and when there's not a lot of mana potions to go around you have to get creative.

She didn’t get a proper magician name because she was actually never anyone’s apprentice, but people still call her The Blade because she is just so cool.

Anyway in this universe mages age very slowly, and Kira is probably around 60 years old when she meets Jadzia. Which is not a lot in wizard years.

She does feels a little inadequate about being so Young and Inexperienced she didn’t really expect nor wanted to run into the legendary Jadzia Dax who everyone thinks is like 300 years old, maybe more.

So meeting someone who is her complete opposite just makes her go "Hmph. I dont wanna associate with you." 

But Jadzia keeps popping in randomly around her almost every day until Kira snaps like "WHAT is your problem???"

“I never learned how to enchant tools."

"What."

"Can you teach me?"

"The great Dax has never enchanted a single tool or weapon?"

"I took care of everything with other types of magic. Will you teach me?"

So Kira Nerys, The Blade, the person everyone looked down on because she uses enchanted tools instead of magic for everything- is being asked by this legendary mage to teach her something. What an honor. What an incredible thing.

But She Says No

So Jadzia keeps bothering her every day.

But eventually bothering her turned into "Hey wanna get some coffee? Wanna go to the library with me? Can I look at you while youre in the smithy? Do you wanna look at me while I come up with new magic formulas? Wanna get drunk together and maybe kiss but definitely have no recollection of it in the morning?"

- over a span of 10 years.

But at the end of those 10 years Jadzia still hasnt learned how to enchant tools.

And it takes One day at the magic banquet for Nerys to actually realise the Implications of that.

It’s the third banquet they've been to- together, as each other’s plus one.

They color coordinate their robes and wear matching accessoires. The works.

And Kira decides that now is the day to grill her Totally-Not-Girlfriend about the reason why she sticks around.

"You could have just gotten someone else to teach you how to enchant things."

"Why would I need anyone to teach me, I have you to enchant things *for me*."

"No but before I started doing it for you. Like the whole first five years of knowing me."

"Oh well I didn’t want anyone else because I was very much infatuated with you."

And Kira just bluescreens. Error 404 nerys.exe not found.

Until she catches herself.

"You...*were* infatuated with me?"

"Yes? You obviously never saw me that way though. So I stuck around for the good company and the coffee."

Now you see over the course of 10 years Kira’s irritation about Jadzia slowly turned into Something Else. But she thought Jadzia only saw her as a friend.

On the other hand Jadzia definitely had feelings from the start, but because kira was in Denial she didnt act on those feelings.

If I were a shitty writer or- god foirbid- *Straight*, I would have there be a miscommunication right about now and prolong their useless lesbian suffering.

But I’m not.

Basically Kira just goes 

"Okay but when you say *were* attracted to me does that mean you *stopped*?"

"Uh. No?"

"Cool. Excuse me, I need a moment."

So she tries to hide from this sudden revelation and her feelings in a hedge maze, but there’s no use hiding from Jadzia.

 Who, instead of just walking around the labyrinth to find her like a normal person, basically whacks down the bushes in a straight line until she reaches Kira.

"THERE YOU ARE! I used this completely unenchanted sword to get to you and tell you I definitely still like you. Now will you PLEASE teach me how to enchant tools as your first courting gift?"

And Kira is like "God yes you dumbass-" and they kiss.

now wizard quodo is funny because I kind of started this part as a joke but then it all got Serious

First of all Quark is Actually A Really Powerful Magician.

But what does he do with his great power?

Move from his home country to the city of wizards and open a bar.

Because he is still fundamentally *Quark*.

And Odo is still fundamentally Odo, because he is a Shapeshifting Alien From Actual Outer Space You Know.

He still went through the whole "I was studied by scientists (wizards) and couldnt let them know I was sentient for a long time which made me very grouchy and lonely" thing.

So Odo spends like ~100 years going from captivity/being an object of scientific study to living as a guard in the city of wizards.

Basically everyone thinks that Odo cant use magic- including Odo- because, well, he’s a bunch of slime that came from a meteor.

Then he meets Quark, powerful wizard and bartender.

And he has *no* idea who he is.

Only that he’s the guy who runs that one shady gambling bar and is involved in some illegal business.

And Quark is like "Ah finally. A worthy opponent."

So he and Quark have the same vibe as on DS9- where Quark keeps doing illegal stuff and Odo tries to stop him and the universe decides to say enemies to lovers 400k words slowburn.

And one day Quark gets into some Seriously shady business with some people who are now very aggressively demanding Quark give them their money back

and they're. you know. threatening violence.

Odo shows up and right before this one dude is about to straight up sucker punch Quark he's like "HALT!" and Wow He Made A Magic Happen.

Now. Because Quark is Indebted to Odo. He is expected to take him on as his magic apprentice.

At first he is Not Down For That. They both aren’t. So even though technically they are teacher and apprentice they both just refuse to work together.

Until Odo goes to check up on Quark one day- because as we all know he makes it a point to drop by his bar four times a day just to let him know he's thinking about him- and Quark is in trouble again.

Only this time Odo is like "I'm not gonna help him. I dont even know how I *could* help him. Since he hasn’t taught me any magic, the bastard."

So he wants to just pass by and leave when Quark basically starts to just Demolish these people with magic in a frightening and totally not impressive display.

MIND YOU Quark is still generally incompetent. If this was D&D he'd have like, very low skill points but unlimited spell slots.

Anyway Odo goes 👀

Because him being unable to use magic in a country/city where everyone he *knows* can use magic has always made him feel bad.

So he goes to Quark like "Okay. I changed my mind. Please teach me magic."

And Quark tries to teach Odo magic, earnestly. 

And Odo tries to learn magic from Quark, for real. 

But the key word here is *try*.

Because neither is very good at what theyre *trying* to do.

Odo didn’t Really want to learn from Quark and that's pretty much the reason why Quark doesnt Really want to teach Odo. But They Try.

There’s a lot of fights and arguments and "You’re not doing it right" vs "You’re not explaining it right"

But hey, at least Odo can now do some magic, which makes his guard job a lot easier.

He also gets to socialise more with other wizards and their apprentices, and he becomes a generally happier pile of humanoid goo!

Meanwhile Quark slowly but surely turns into a more Respected wizard. And his bar also becomes a bit more respectable as well.

it's almost like,,they both wanna be,,,,their best selves,,

and learning to work together has Somehow set them on the right path,,,

idk man sounds kinda gay,,,,

But then the banquet rolls around.

Quark is like "Oh fuck I Have to take Odo to this social function because hes my apprentice and thems are the rules."

and Odo is like "Oh fuck I Have to attend this social function with Quark because thems the rules."

The vibe they’re both getting is- "It's all fun and games when we're by ourselves but Somehow acting friendly in public feels Wrong." 

So they agree to Arrive together and then split up and spend as little time as possible together lest they fall victim to some kind of *feeling*.

And like all plans that Odo and Quark make it works out brilliantly for Exactly 5 Minutes.

Because while Quark is talking to his accomplished and very boring wizard acquaintances he kinda realises "God I wish Odo were here-"

And as Odo is talking to all these annoying ass apprentices he kinda realises "God I wish Quark was here-"

So that's what they do on the first day of the banquet. and the second. and the third. 

They just keep only seeing each other from the corner of their eyes but dont really get to talk/argue about anything and it's making them feel Not So Good, Actually

Now the fourth day is the kicker.

Because while Odo is talking to some people he gets tapped on the shoulder and there he is! The worst father on this side of the galaxy! Doctor Mora- but like, as a wizard scientist.

"Oh my god Odo? You’re here? How did you manage that? You can’t use magic dont be silly! *I* studied you and who would know you better than me? What? *you* know yourself better? Nonsense, now walk with me- how have you been :)?"

Obviously Odo is getting Very distressed but he can't exactly say No, so he walks around with Mora.

They sit down near a fountain and his ‘father’ just starts grilling Odo about what he's been up to.

And eventually they start talking about Quark

"Wait, *Quark*? The absolute magic failure who runs that disgusting establishment? That Quark?"

"Well I wouldnt put it like that, he’s not-"

But Mora goes on- "Oh no my dear boy that won't do! You have to learn from a *good* wizard. Like me! Dont you want that? Oh I'm sure you want that. That nasty good for nothing will resign as your teacher first thing tomorrow!"

And Odo is like "Now wait a minute, Quark might have his flaws, but-"

"There! See, you admitted it. He's flawed. He can't possibly be a good teacher for you. But I would be! I *raised* you."

But Odo is getting Rather Angy right about now.

"Well you did a pretty bad job raising me considering you didnt even know I could do magic until now."

"I can’t believe it. Quark is such a bad influence on you. You never used to talk back at me. This is what happens when you hang around with people who dont know you like I do."

Then something in him snaps and Odo just goes Off on Mora.

"MAYBE *YOU* DONT KNOW *HIM* LIKE I DO!"

And he basically breaks the fountain theyre sitting at with some accidental emotional magic.

So after Mora goes "...I better get someone to fix that-" and runs off, Odo is standing in front of this broken fountain and thinks about how this might be a cruel metaphor for his life. And then the worst possible thing happens.

He Spots Quark Badly Hidden Behind A Pillar

Internally he just goes 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA' 

Externally though it’s more like "How much of that did you hear???"

Quark’s trying to lighten the mood with a "Haha well it's hard to avoid hearing things with lobes as big as mine!" 

But Odo is not playing, so he breaks the fountain some more. As intimidation.

So Quark goes "Okay. Alright. I heard all the parts where you defended my honor. Now move aside."

And Odo goes 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAA' inside again, so he doesnt really move but just gets nudged aside by Quark.

Who returns the fountain back to its previous state.

Things are nice and silent for a second but then Quark disturbs the moment by saying "Okay now, real talk- you want another teacher, is that right?"

So Odos head whips up and he goes "No??? What the fuck quark. I thought you listened to that conversation. Youre the only one I want-"

and he Immediately slaps a hand over his mouth because Oh God That Came Out Wrong-

But Quark is just Laughing and being his usual little shit self like "Haha good one, let's go back inside now. (where the social conventions will force us to remain apart so we dont have to confront what you just said.)"

on the inside though- Quark is just as 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA' as Odo

"I absolutely Cannot go inside and socialise right now, I’ve had Quite enough of that." 

"Oh...well then...i'll leave you be?"

"No don’t-"

So Odo quickly grabs Quark’s hand (and Quark just fuckin uh dies on the spot) but he's not very communicative at the moment. So Quark kinda has to just interpret that for himself.

"Aaaaalright- let’s just take a walk then."

So they walk through the rose garden. holding *hands*. and Quark points out nice or interesting things while Odo just nods or hums in agreement.

Until they’ve come full circle and end up back at the fountain, where Quark is like "Okay. Wanna go back inside *now*?" 

Because he swears if they spend one more second like this he will HAVE to kiss this pile of space goo and he’d rather Odo make that decision for him.

And Odo is like "I just want to stay with you."

So Quark is like ‘Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool’, pulls them behind a hedge and kisses Odo.

because on GOD I enjoy the “going from an argument straight into kissing” trope, but that one is actually too on brand for quodo so I HAD to change it up.

[livisart]

oh my god you guys, the new COPPA thing will NOT help children ffs

listen i care a lot about kids safety online, as someone who’s had. very bad experiences on the internet when i was younger, i get it ok. i get it.

but the whole new COPPA thing will not only hurt creators, but will also do more harm than good in helping to keep kids safe.

i see a lot of people painting the FTC as 100% reasonable and youtube as 100% at fault (or conversely, youtube as innocent martyrs and the FTC as evil), personally, i think both the FTC and youtube are at fault here. its reasonable for the FTC to be concerned, but theyre trying to implement laws abt things they dont know anything about, and meanwhile youtube is trying to “solve” this in the worst possible way.

yall are gonna be big mad at me for saying this but. children seeing personalized ads do not hurt them any more than they do adults. let me explain.

(note: before i say anything more i wanna get this out of the way: whether youtube collecting data for ads AT ALL, is bad is a discussion for another day, it’s NOT what we should be focusing on right now, so i will not bring it up in this post)

youtube obviously does not collect this data in the youtube kids app, cuz it’s explicitly made for kids. this is an issue regarding youtube main, specifically, kids under 13 using their parents accounts to watch videos (as a sidenote, the whole thing the FTC were concerned about seems to be youtube collecting data WITHOUT PARENTAL CONSENT, but parents allowing their kids to use youtube main sounds a lot like consent to me. honestly i might b wrong abt this but to me it seems like the easiest way for youtube to solve this problem would be to add smth in their tos abt the data collected and how letting any1 under 13 use the main site = consent to collecting their data, but i digress.)

this means that any information collected is NOT the kids information, but the parents, since the child is using their account. there is absolutely no way to tell if a child or an adult is using the account, hence why youtube is going after “”kids content”” and assuming EVERYONE who watches “”kids content”” is a child (remember that this doesnt only affect like peppa pig episodes and kids nursery rhymes and stuff, but ANY content that youtube n the FTCs vague rules consider ‘for kids’. with that in mind, hopefully i dont have to explain how stupid that is)

lemme repeat there is functionally ABSOLUTELY NO WAY to tell that a child is watching rather than an adult.

there’s also the fact that creators/users on youtube have absolutely no way of accessing the information collected, all we get is vague things like age range, gender, country. we do not get ANY information that’d let us see individual users data, let alone use it to contact them.

but basically, kids information is NOT being gathered, youtube kids does not gather this information, and youtube main gathers the information of the PARENTS, not the kids. so basically, this is a non-issue, and going through with these new regulations to “solve” this non-issue is dumb and jsut hurts EVERYONE.

now, here’s why i believe this will actually do more harm than good:

videos marked as “kids content” will not have personalized ads, meaning their ad revenue will drop with anything from 60-90%

also videos with this marking will not have comments, not be added to any playlists, etc. basically they’ll have less visibility and have a harder time being discovered.

big corporations will find a way to deal with this but smaller kids content creators won’t. many ppl who made content for kids will be forced to quit, since it’s just not sustainable anymore, meaning there’ll be a decrease in quality content for kids to watch.

but it gets worse. since these new rules will also affect “child attractive content”, this will actually give creators incentive to create more mature content to avoid the dreaded “made for kids” checkbox. especially considering any violations of this extremely vague rule can result in a 42k fine PER VIDEO. no one wants that.

so to make sure youtube and the FTC will not consider their content “for kids”, many channels that were previously child friendly (though not directly aimed at children) will start deliberately making their content more mature to alienate kids.

so with actual kids content decreasing, and child friendly content being replaced by more mature content, there’ll be MUCH LESS quality stuff for kids to watch, possibly leading them to watch the new mature content instead, so kids are just gonna risk seeing more stuff that’s harmful to them (with the same personalized ads that were the god damn problem to begin with so like good job on not solving anything)

basically this change will harm creators AND kids and not really help anyone in the long run

now, again i think the FTC and youtube are both at fault here.

youtube because they suck and can’t come up with any better solution.

the FTC because they’re trying to pass laws they know zero about. (seriously. a youtuber n former lawyer went to DC to talk to them abt the new rules and it turns out the FTC are soooo misinformed abt this it aint even funny)

and i’m very tired of people with negative braincells acting like this change is going to help kids at all.

it’s also actually kind of dangerous that ppl are saying “go tell youtube to change things, not the FTC”, because youtube doesn’t listen to ppl.  i thought that much would be apparent by now. youtube does not care abt its userbase.

the FTC, however, does and is willing to take ppls comments til like december 9th so pls go send them a comment.

im not saying you shouldnt blame youtube at all, or ask them to change, but dont just ignore the FTC’s role in this pls.

[babambatman]

Okay, I need a minute to rant. I was forced to read this book for school-- and I’m so sorry? Why? It’s not at all well done, there are a thousand other book that we could have studied instead?

The List, by Patricia Forde, was... it just was. The premise was interesting, the concept was cool, but at the end of the day it was just.. so poorly executed.

To start, the topic of the book is language. It’s a post-apocalyptic world where global warning happened, and now there's a group of people living in the settlement called the ark, which is lead by Noa (yes, like Noah and the Ark haha). The people there are limited in their use of words for reasons that I’ll rant about it in a bit, too. They speak “List” since their allowed words are a list of 500. Cool, kay? Don’t have a problem with that. Let’s explore how limiting human language to 500 words impacts how the characters interact, how that impacts the rest of the people and everything like that.

Except, ya know, the book just never??? explores that???? The main character, Letta, is exempt from the rule because she’s a Wordsmith (which means she documents, collects and creates lists of words.) Her mentor is exempt from the rule. The main side characters are rebels, so they don’t follow the list. Noa and his lover are exempt from the rule. Everyone important is fruggen exempt from the rule?? The only characters that adhere to the list are minor characters that Letta has little personal attachment to? Like thanks, but what the heck is the point of the list if it doesn’t even matter in the end??????

Oh, yeah, why do we have a list??? because... Global warming was bad, Noa tried to warn them, and no one listened. Politicians used their words to lie and lure the public into a false sense of security. Therefore, words are bad. Fine, so he’s trying to protect the people from being lied to, right? Trying to stop the deceit and lies that can be spread by words. That’s good. okay.

But Forde also throws in Noa... wanting all humans to be reduced to animals, because people think they’re superior to other animals, and they think that because of words... and... something about how people thinking they’re superior and exchanging ideas is bad because they're destroying themselves... or the environment? I’m not really sure but let’s pretend it made sense.

Both aren’t necessarily bad ideas to explore, but Forde muddles the two ideas... and Noa’s trying to protect people from words while not caring if they die in the process of removing the words. She mentions how the superior species will be destroyed by the earth-- like the dinosaurs-- and Noa wants to make them animals so that they’ll survive when the world... destroys them again(?), but then he shows no regard for them dying during or immediately after the process of making people animalistic??? It contradicts itself too much.

Okay, so beyond the list-- there are rebels called Desecrators, who don’t like noa and live outside the arc, because he bans speech, and creativity like art and music. Benjamin, Letta’s mentor, leaves to go search for words in the forest that surrounds the ark (they look for labels and stuff that may hold words from the old world). While he’s gone, a desecrator, Marlo, hides in her shop and she helps him hide from the gavvers, which are basically police. She contacts other desecrators to help him get home, since he is wounded. Noa calls Letta to announce that Benjamin is dead, some things don’t add up about his death, so Letta goes to explore what is up with that. Because she’s sneaking around to figure out what happened with Benjamin, Noa comes to her shop and is like, “yo, if you wanna know something just ask, cuz I don’t like people snooping behind my back.” Shes cool with that, so she goes to ask him about adding hope to the list of words because that had all correlation about figuring out how Benjamin died, and overhears that Benjamin is alive and being tortured by Noa. 

Thus, she teams up with the desecrators to save her mentor, and in the process they find out that Benjamin is being tortured because he didn’t agree with Noa’s plan to make people wordless and essentially animals. Benjamin dies. They foil Noa’s plan. the end.

realtionship are... very stale in this. Letta and benjamin interact for two second before he leaves on his word search, and theres nothing we know about what they think of eachother? Is he important to her? is he just a teacher? does she consider him like a father? who knows cuz i don’t. He’s then declared dead. Letta’s sad and is in shock but... why? I don’t even know why he’s important to you? So I just don’t care???? Like, thanks, but Letta went on a whole ass journey looking for you but I can’t tell you why or how you’re important to her. Its only two seconds before Benjamin dies for real that Forde is like, oh yeah, Letta loves him, he’s her father figure, mentor, friend, ext-- like thanks. Now he’s dead. ya could have told me that before. 

Letta’s relationship with noa? weird??? Apparently, he’s her uncle-ish. his lover amilia’s sister is Letta’s mother. But Letta’s mother didn’t agree with what Noa was doing and just.. left. There is no emotional turmoil in discovering that her mother had abandoned her, and on top of that... Noa and Letta dont have a relationship? Like, Forde says he loves letta because he knew her when she was little, but when Letta’s mother left, amilia didn’t want anything to do with her. Noa makes no attempt to come visit Letta when she’s a child. There aren’t really any familial moments between them. by the time they start interacting again, latta is involved with the rebels and we know Noa is evil.

Benjamin and Noa? Apparently friends. even though we never see them interact, except for when Noa is torturing Benjamin when he refuses to agree with Noa’s plan to animilsize people.

In both of these relationships there's no sense of betrayal, despite the fact that they were apparently very important to each other.

Motivations are all over the place? Letta’s described as a blind follower to Noa but... she doesn’t really act like it? Like, she goes behind his back to look at bejamin’s death... why? just ask Noa? when Noa comes and says, hey, stop snooping and just ask me, shes like Kay cool i’ll do that I trust you. But then why did you snoop in the fist place that makes no sensssseesesesrukhgefjchdgl

When Marlo, a rebel, comes into her house and is being hunted down by the police she hides him... even though she doesnt know him or what hes done wrong, knows that Noa wants him arrested... and is a blind follower to noa.

If she’s a blind follower, why does she do these things then? her motivations are non existent. Forde could have made her motivations as simple as curiosity, but Letta isn’t shown as being a curious person? like, when Noa tells her she can ask him anything... she doesnt ask him about Benjamin’s death. Even though she went out of her way to figure it out, and can now question the person who would, in theory, know the most about it. She also shows no interest in finding out about her missing parents, even though she’s presented multiple opportunities to find out more. 

What is this book? Why is this the book my teacher chose? The motivations are unclear, the character development is weird, the relationships arent built properly??? Please explain????

[that-wizard-oki]

If i can for- just a second- the way that characters in this game treat shadow magic is SO awful an so harmful to the way the spiral functions (and i have countless times thought about how the way that Morganthe was treated as a wizard reflects SO much of the biased hatred that the spiral developed towards the existence of it, but thats another post) and frankly its kind of... upsetting and also confusing from a storytelling standpoint, especially after arc 3. 

Arc 2 is generally straight forward in “shadow magic is bad and evil and can corrupt you because it is bad and evil” mentality- nothing we haven’t seen before but it makes “sense”. 

Then in Khrysalis, KI starts implementing some grey-area exploration with the existence of shadow magic and what it means to the spiral- the most notable narrative plot point being- we are the child of light AND a child of shadow

I’m not gonna get into the child of light and shadow shit cause FUCK when you involved morganthe that labels gets SO confusing b/c KI uses it in various forms and all that... Anyway- our wizard being intertwined with shadow magic and learning it creates this moral check from what is conventionally accepted in the spiral. Initially this is really cool because our wizard- someone who is a champion of the spiral and an icon for it’s principals- is dwelling int he very thing that it has rejected and forgot about for eons.

And......................it kinda doesnt lead to much of anything. Arc 3 is SO morally grey and kinda outs a character that we thought was Super Good as Not So Super Good because she hurt the Bad Guy but maybe he’s not So Bad but he still Hurt people and don’t get me wrong- it’s VERY interesting but....... i never got the just that Ambrose or Raven or any other characters that spoke critically of shadow magic actually come to understand how VALUABLE it is the the spiral. Like, Raven KNOWS it’s existence its essential........ Ambrose KNOWS it exists..... so WHY are we not teaching it to future students now? Why are we not properly starting to educate existing/new students at ravenwood about it?

Shadow is not inherently evil. Shadow is (and this stems from the psychologist CJ Jung, if you wanna look more into it) everything about yourself that is true but you either dont realize it or you ingore it. The “evil” comes from continuing to ingore its presence. YOU give it the power. YOU give it the bad energy. If one is to CONFRONT one’s shadow, and learn to accept and live in peace witht he parts of yourself that is reflected in shadow, THAT is the purpose of it’s existance- to BETTER yourself. to MAKE YOU GROW. I think, imo, Morganthe started to unravel this function of shadow magic when she was in the arachna’c ompany, but of course they fucked her over and instead cob twisted her memories and infused her with power that he claimed was stolen but was really forced upon her *coughs* so not only did she never get a chance to make peace with her shadow like she was TRYING TO DO, she was also crazy influenced by cob’s shadow....

*sips tea* anyway shadow magic is not inherently evil, neither was morganthe, and i have to go to bed but i will try and talk more abt this tomorrow if y’all want more i just needed to get sOMETHING out of my head cause i’ve been in it all day 

[coolgirl]

Jason expert rate Jason’s designs

sorry for being late i was busy with school but now i’m free so to celebrate. jason indulgence.

pre-crisis not robin

very cute. i like that it has a lil more of flair to it? the collar and the lines on the gloves and the shorter cape.. also love it has pants. king rlly king. wonder if they already knew he was gonna be robin anyways or if they were still considering nightbird. anyways, 8/10 bc its cute

pre & post-crisis robin (bc its basically the same)

i mean its a classic.. however it reminds me jason was the only robin who was simply given dick’s clothes rather than like. have an unique look? which sucks. 7/10 middle child syndrome is REAL

post-crisis robin (winter edition)

OKAY NOW THIS. i absolutely love. is it tacky? oh yes without a doubt. i still love the pants and the sleeves. finally winter clothes for this child, especially considering his new titans scene where he was bitching about the costume not being snow proof. he got what he wanted! 9/10

new 52/rebirth costume by

EPIC. IDC I LOVE IT.the circles on his arms and his boots.. the lines on his legs.. i just love it. i love the red mask too… it feels.. not more unique, but feels more jason-y than the other costume. 10/10

NOW. onto older stuff

hush

as u can see im VERY confusion about the pouches and the straps?? why??? whats the purpose.. generally its fine. the white strand moved a nation and i think the chest piece is cool, but everything else.. uglee. like the long as hell jacket and him looking 40 years old like why r u 19 looking like fifty? ugly white man. 5/10

winicks/utrh version

LITERALLY A CLASSIC. i love this costume sooo much. like jason obviously grew out of it, as in it wouldnt make sense for him anymore to go with something like this as his main costume because i feel like this fit the utrh mood (him not veing a vigilante/hero/villain whatver but trying to be a mob boss n shit) and it just. fucks. i love the helmet just being plain with no stupid mouth or nose shape. i simply love it. 10/10

nigthwing

its just. its just the nightwing costume. didnt even try he just stole that from dick. he still rocks it and looks better than dick, and u gotta give him points for accessorizing with his dagger. 7/10

red robin 

im not. a big fan of this costume.. i think the cowl is ugly, it just does not work for someone as big as jason… however i do like why he took this mantle and what it meant.. 6/10 no words head empty. 

oh brother. furryman

ITS SUCH AN UGLY COSTUME. muzzle batman walked so muzzle red hood could run. its just. ugly like ugly. i dont like the ears or again the muzzle or whatever the hell is going on in the arms.. its just so edgy. 5/10

WANNA KNOW WHAT A SEXY EVIL BATMAN COSTUME LOOK LIKE?

Injustice 2 batman

I2 HAD IT IN THE BAG BABY. i like that its like classic batman costume but again! with some jason touches! the red eyes, the electric tiddies making a comeback.. epic genuinely epic. 10/10

and if ur not into evil jason

100% dad ‘i have my life figured out’ batman jason 

just like the nightwing costume this is just. batman costume. nothing special or different from it so its like did u even try? BUT in this scenario it actually means smth that he stuck to bruces costume.. sweet.. but boring. 7/10

speaking of. evil ugly designs. ugh i hate this.

this motherfucker

ive never. ever. felt as humiliated by a costume than thetime jason wore this. like MORTIFYING RLLY. its DISGUSTINGGG. the helmet shape. the fucking WHITE. the SKULL PLEASE WHO DESIGNED THIS WHO HATES ME IN PARTICULAR SO MUCH??? THIS MAN DOES NOT FUCK! HES UGLY! HE STINKS!!!! the red guns are epic that much i can say. LOOK AT THOSE PANS GOD ITS SO HUMILLIATING. 0/10 WORST COSTUME EVER.

HOWEVER. winick and the artist spun GOLD from it, because next time jason wore possibly my favorite costume to date

this motherfucker…2!

like look how much better it looks with a little of swag.. the helmet without eyes.. the belts.. the fucking leather jacket.. keeping the red guns/gloves.. like seriously i dont know a better man. the skull is still awful and i wouldve replaced the white for black and MWAH best costume. like the black part at the top make it all red and the white make it black.. god this jason fucks massively i love him. 11/10 my favorite by a landslide perhaps

new 52/rebirth red hood

OKAY I KNOW theyre slightly different (rebirth has shorter sleeves and a more padded look) but to me its like. same thing. okay i think its.. fine. its not phenomenal but its not ugly.. i like the brown jacket more than the black jacket i have to admit, its more distinctive and i simply like the color more, however i do not.. like jason having the bat symbol.. but thats also a me thing about how badly written this is. anyways. the helmet with the mouth disgusts me and everytime its drawn like that its humilliating. like. 7/10. maybe 7+. when it has the mouth or like nose ANY FACIAL EXPRESSION RLLY its a 5. 

wingman

oh i absolutely despise that helmet. he looks like fucking. terminator. its the ugliest shape ive ever seen and the visor is.. huge. i dont like the shoulder pads either idk what the fuck its going on with the thing around his neck either.. like hes. knockout batman and i HATEEE IT. damians costume slaps tho. i just… its… ugly. like.. 3/10. 

get damian back arc red hood costume

oh im a HUGE fan of this design.i love how his costume is designed in a way thats like. if jason was a dnd character he absolutely would be a tank. the padding, the red undertones everywhere, i just.. love it. i like how all the costumes were done to reflect their personalities you know.. i like this robin red hood hybrid. 9/10 would even say 10/10 bc i just enjoy how gleason draws jason.

red hood/arsenal costume

its like. i dont hate it completely (i love the way the hood+helmet looks) and thats.. yeah thats pretty much all i like about it. i HATEEEE the vest i hate it fr.i hate how huge the sumbol is and idk this costume just does not spark joy. 5/10

outlaw costume

okay this one. this one drives me insane. because like. okay i dig parts of it. i like the lack of sleeves. i like the gloves thingies. i like the hood. i could get aboard him ditching the helmet - it breaks all the damn time anyways. i like the stripes on his pants in the boots. ALL SEPARATE? NEAT. now i hate. hate. the muzzle. like WHY IT LOOKS SO UGLYYY LIKE SO UGLY like unless the artist GETS IT and is SEXY it looks awful. look at this

AWFUL. also like it made sense for when he was on the run and he had to make do and assemble a costume from what he had but like now hes sponsored by lex, get that man a goddamn new suit already please. anyways. 6/10.. like i said i like many elements from it but its still.. kinda ugly all together and depends A LOT on the artist.

three jokers

im torn on this one.. i think its a bit boring.. i dont rlly like the top part, it reminds me SOO much of that one tt issue where he beat the fuck out of tim while wearing a robin costume like i understad the implications of him wearing a costume thats similar to the robin blouse but im not a big fan.. also i prefer the brown leather jacket. its like not his worst costume by far but not the best.. like pretty basic?  i would say 6/10

NOW SOME AUS.

tiny titans & lil gotham

okay these two are like. pretty much the canon versions of robin and red hood HOWEVER they both have details that are different from the original version and DESERVE a mention. the curls on robin jason and jasons red gloves/belt are ICONIC. whoever designed them knew what they were about, so 10/10 best bapy jason.

arkham knight

does the person who designed this know how much theyve done for the lgbt community? i hope they do. i love.. a lot about this costume. i love the ears, i love how techno it is, i love the layers to it.. im.. not a big fan of the whole military thingy but i have to admit that applying it to the design itself is kind of neat.. i love the colors too and how.. practical it is while being. well. kinda dramatic? the whole bat aesthetic.. yeah. i love it. 9/10

arkham red hood

this one.. when u think about it the outlaw version is VEEERY similar to this one: the pants, the hood, the jacket eve. however i like this helmet so much more, i have a weakness for eyeless (??) helmets.. i like the little details of it as well, i remember that pic going around of it being held together with like. fuckign stitches and bandaids. legendary. i love this look, i would say 9+/10

injustice 2 jason

okay gonna go ahead and say it: not a big fan of the helmet. it looks like.. a bug? the lenses do not spark joy. this bitch has many styles and like toners etc and i will no rate them all. i think its a pretty basic design, not the best but not the worst either. like if it was an exam i would make them pass but make faces at what im reading like eeehhhgh. 7/10.

hag jason

middle one is like literally, on the outside and superficial level, just. his usual costume. the jacket and the grey kevlar and the bat. now the gloves are sexy as hell.. and in the whit ebackground one u can appreciate the under costume better and i really like it?? i just.. like the design. I HATE HOWEVER the bat helmet. WHY IS IT HOLLOW?? BITCH HELLO?? AND THE BATMAN SYMBOL DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! and i like things making sense!!!. we will not talk about jason in this book. like.. 8/10. maybe 9 if im feeling it.

hag jason 2: the hagger and the furious

hes just.. a little old man.. he cannot change this.. i like this design. i like seeing jason grow old. wish it wasnt in this context. my father rlly. 8/10

—-

am i forgetting any jays.. i wont do all animated robins because they all look the same and the one that doesnt i do not like. SO HERES my thoughts..

[normal-thoughts-official]

Since no one talks about it and everyone is hellbent over "good parent Asmodeus" I wanna know your take on the abuse and manipulation asmodeus did on Magnus... Both before the show timeline and during it it is a simple request no pressure hbhby

hoo boy okay let's buckle up for this i guess. warning for emotional, psychological and physical child abuse ahead everybody, stay safe

seriously im halfway through writing this answer now and this got very very dark so like if these are triggering to you, please skip this one

okay so as all abusers i think that asmodeus was a master at using Magnus' previous trauma, ie his mum's and stepfather's death, against him. Magnus had just lost the person he loved most, almost been murdered, and killed his abuser, as well as losing everything - he couldn't support himself and i have the feeling that he was so terrified after his stepfather's murder, so convinced he was a monster for it, hell, he still is even in show canon, he might have just fled. and then we have a homeless Magnus living on the streets, guilty and terrified and utterly alone

and he's convinced that his mum's death is his fault, his stepfather told him so, said he was a monster, a demon, and that's why she had killed herself. and then he murdered his stepfather, thus, in his head, becoming the exact monster his mum feared. his mum was right. he was a monster. a murderer. a demon. he was everything he feared and she hated him and she was right to hate him, too-

and i think asmodeus deliberately waited until he was at his limit to show up. i mean he's gotta have been keeping tabs on Magnus, he was his all powerful son after all, his heir, his weapon. there's no way asmodeus didn't know exactly what was happening, and i think that he deliberately waited until Magnus was within an inch of his life, exhausted, starving, almost depleted of magic, shivering and cold and crying alone on the street, before showing up. so Magnus wouldnt question him. so Magnus would feel indebted to him. so Magnus would feel like he needs him

and when he does rescue Magnus, boy, he makes this whole show of taking him somewhere safe, giving him plenty of water and endless food, covering him in blankets and getting him nice feeling clothes, cleaning him - just the most and best of everything, to really emphasize the difference, really make it seem terrifying to ever be away from him again, when clearly, without him, he was nothing

and asmodeus would have explained it all to him, say that his stepfather was right, he was a demon, like asmodeus was. Magnus would be so scared, "he tried to kill me," and he'd be almost flippant about it, "oh, mundanes. it's what they do. they hate us." he'd thwarp what happened with the stepfather deeply in Magnus' head, make it seem like his stepfather's abusive behavior was normal, just what they always did, and that magnus' anger over it, his righteous anger, born of fear, and the need to survive, was an overreaction. the proof of his demonic heritage - of the evil inside of him. proof that he was the same as asmodeus, that he should turn his back to his humanity

and Magnus is confused, and hurt, and scared, because simultaneously his stepfather was bad and tried to kill him and that is proof that he can't trust mundanes and that asmodeus is all he has- but he also didn't hurt Magnus all the other times before, he never mistreated him, all these times he hit him or his mum and called them dirty and disgusting, no, that was nothing much, that was normal. it was magnus' anger that was out of place, proof that he was a monster, was a demon, was like asmodeus. should stay with him

we know that asmodeus wanted Magnus because with his magic he could have even stronger power blah blah blah so im guessing that asmodeus' plan was basically to train Magnus, bring him to his side, wait until he was mature and strong, and then try to defeat Lilith? so for that to have you know not happened Magnus would have to have banished him when he was still a kid, but anyway, that's another can of worms and I'll get to that (probably)

so he needs to turn Magnus away from the mundane world, make him want to come to edom, possibly convince him that he cant be happy in edom because Lilith wont help him, and then have him kill Lilith? and so he has to convince Magnus that mundanes are bad, going to hurt him, and that he doesnt belong with them, and so that's the narrative that he builds, normalizing his stepfathers' behavior, reminding him that even his mum didnt love him, because he wasn't a person, wasnt human, and they'd never love him as he was, and he didn't love them, either. no matter how much magnus' heart ached for his mum, and his friends, and his dukun tutor, asmodeus kept telling him that he didn't love them, couldn't have, because he was a demon, and they were beneath him. and if Magnus asked too many questions, got too confused, fought that idea too much, he'd lash out, scream, almost burn Magnus wirh the terrible dark fire of his magic

and Magnus was terrified and would hide, and he'd be like, oh, my little thing, I'd never hurt you, don't you see? that was just my magic, of course i wouldnt hurt you, im not like them. and then hed hug a trembling, shaking Magnus, who had no idea what was real anymore

eventually this started to intertwine with ideas of royalty too - you are too good for them, Magnus, you are a royal, you have a right to everything your heart desires, and they treated you like trash. you have to forget these stupid mundanes. they're beneath you

and he definitely made Magnus kill/hurt more people, possibly threatened him, said that he needed to get stronger, to stop caring so damn much, because Magnus has always been kind, and eager to help, and ultimately good, and asmodeus needed to destroy that. so he pushed and pushed him, told him that he was weak if he didnt do what asmodeus said, and that asmodeus would do it himself. that he'd leave him again, and how would that be, huh, being homeless again, would his precious mundanes have mercy? would they care? no, they'd leave him to die and spit on his face, and yet here he was, pitying them. like a whiny, weak baby, not the royal asmodeus expected him to be

and if Magnus still didn't quite manage to satisfy asmodeus, because he took too long, cried too much, pleaded too much- then he'd get punished. i think that punishment came basically in the form of magic depletion/exhausting him. Magnus is freakishly good at holding back from magic depletion, has sustained his magic and pushed way past his limits many times throughout the show, sometimes for full uninterrupted minutes. i think thats why. because asmodeus "trained" him to be able to, with his punishments

he possibly used that as an excuse - since you insist on being so weak, we have to make you stronger. so he'd make Magnus use his magic for hours at a time, no breaks, until he was shaking and trembling and crying with the effort, and then he'd leave him depleted and exhausted and have him recover on his own. that's what you are without magic, he'd tell him. nothing. do you understand now? why you can never be like them? do you want to end up like this for the rest of your life? I worry about you, Magnus, i really, really do. kill this stupid sentimentalist mundane side, before it kills you.

Magnus said, without magic, i feel like i dont matter. And don't get me wrong, i think the show made it pretty clear that magic is a part of warlocks, that without it they are incomplete, unhappy. but the fact that he specifically said i feel like i dont matter makes me feel like this is something that asmodeus drilled into his head. without magic he was nothing. and he really wasnt, because that's all asmodeus wanted him for

magicless Magnus? asmodeus despised him. for the whole time he was recovering from the magic depletion, asmodeus could barely spare him a glance. he was cruel about it, too. what? aren't you happy that you're like these mundanes you love so much? I'm just treating you as such. and then, when his magic started to come back, when he managed to do a trick- asmodeus would change completely. smile wide. hug him. that's my boy! and it would seem like asmodeus loved him, and everything would seem okay. when he had magic, he mattered, he was important, and asmodeus loved and took care of him. when he didn't, asmodeus wouldnt even touch him, wouldnt want to eat with him, would barely talk to him

so the prospect of losing his magic was terrifying, and sometimes Magnus would plead with him, please, dad, no training, i promise to be good, i dont want to be without my magic. and asmodeus would say why are you so worried? it's just training. and Magnus would say, because i always end up without magic. and asmodeus would snap, well, you aren't supposed to, do you think I'd push you over your limit on purpose? you were supposed to be able to handle it, but you aren't, you're weak. why do you think i get so disappointed? i want you to be strong, Magnus, like you're meant to be

that was always what he said, too, in canon. when he gave Magnus his pretzel, he said, for your strength. he didn't care if Magnus was well, or happy, or if he fucking liked pretzels. only that he was strong. and that is definitely a trope here

anyway! at this point asmodeus is already telling him about going to edom, about how he'll be safer there, away from people, happier. and Magnus is terrified, because he doesn't want to be away. he loves people, and most of them arent bad. he loves food. he loves music, and art, and architecture. he loves seeing the world. he loves learning languages and seeing new animals and plants and cultures. he doesn't want to be away from the world. he doesn't want to be with asmodeus

and asmodeus, of course, has carefully kept from him that other warlocks exist, that theres a warlock community out there, because if he knew that, then he'd have an alternative to being with asmodeus, even with his whole mundanes will always hate you blah blah blah speech. but there's only so long he could keep this from Magnus, right? he can feel other people's magic through the ley lines, they can feel his. it was only a matter of time.

i think it was ragnor, honestly, the first one he met. ragnor who told him, kid, there's a life out there, we're alive and we're many and we're happy, and we're there for each other. there's an alternative. and Magnus could cry with relief, because he didn't want to be with his dad anymore, but he was so terrified of being alone and on his own again

so he throws himself into studying, telling asmodeus that he wants to know about demonic magic to go to edom. and he learns about his weaknesses, and what a banishment is, and how to do it. and so when he's about to hit his maturity, he tells asmodeus he wants to visit. and because portals dont exist yet, he has to make this whole elaborate thing- and he tricks asmodeus, sets a trap, i dont know, and instead of simply taking them there, he banishes asmodeus, and stays

and so he goes and finds that weird british old man, and asks him if he can go to the warlocks' place. and ragnor chuckles and tells him that the world is the warlocks' place, that they're everywhere, that he'll teach him. and so he takes Magnus to meet other warlocks, and join the community, and start working. he still loves mundanes, and plus, after all the bad he feels he's done for them, he wants to help. so he lives among them and makes friends with them and dates them and works among them and gets wealthy, and grows, and he's somewhat happy, even if most of the time he has to hide what he is, even if he still feels lonely and bad and like a monster, a killer, a demon. but he got rid of him, and he can, maybe, become something else, if he tries really hard to find his humanity again, and make up for his mistakes, and the pain he's caused

i think asmodeus is responsible for most of the guilt Magnus feels, for a great part of his immortality blues - after all, thats what most clearly separates him from mundanes, makes him different, unable to be a part of their world - and for his feelings that hes a monster. he tells alec he hopes alec doesn't think less of him because of his father, because a part of him still believes that being asmodeus' son makes Magnus like him. he says he's ugly and dark, because asmodeus convinced that's all he could ever be. he has a huge resistance and pain/exhaustion tolerance because of course he does. and he tries to sacrifice himself all the time because hes convinced that he doesnt matter and doesn't belong, that no one would miss him because they cant love him, because hes different. and that was all definitely planted on him by asmodeus, and later watered by camille ofc

[temarisnara]

for the meme: orochimaru, tsunade, jiraya

bitch i LOVE YOU

orochimaru

favorite thing about them: oh god. i like how nuanced he is. i like that he’s selfish and genuinely doesn’t understand like. morals, or social norms. also like bad writing aside i fucking love that he went “ok i’m bored with being evil i’m going to go be a PTA mom” 

least favorite thing about them: bruh he’s like....genuinely so vile i dont like thinking about canon lmao! 

favorite line: when he and tsunade are talking and tsunade’s like “if you had your stupid change of heart BEFORE this jiraiya might still be alive” and he’s like “maybe, but jiraiya might’ve changed than” bruhhh

brOTP: FRIENDS????? NO

OTP: jiraiya and tsunade, the sannin are fucking obsessed with each other

nOTP: kabuto

random headcanon: he’s naruto’s drug dealer in boruto

unpopular opinion: uhhhhhh i LIKE that he’s a PTA mom in canon i genuinelty think that’s the funniest thing. i’ve also seen people say he’s a bad parent to mitsuki and i’m like maybe but i do think he loves mitsuki more than any of his other kids/experiments so he’s TRYING

song i associate with them: where my mouth is by taking back sunday  

favorite picture of them: he’s genuinely so pretty in boruto it makes me mad. he’s also pretty in the sannin flash backs.

tsunade

favorite thing about them: SHE’S!!!! SO!!!!! COOL!!!!!! she’s the most complex woman in naruto, like, imagine if any of the other women got as much nuance as her. she’s so headstrong, emotionally vulnerable, has shitty coping mechanisms, will throw hands without hesitating, just. she’s so cool.

least favorite thing about them: i really have to sit here and pretend to care about dan???? him????

favorite line: im too tired to think of one but she’s got some bangers. anytime she’s being mean to someone.

brOTP: shizune and sakura

OTP: again, jiraiya and orochimaru. 

nOTP: listen.........its not notp but dan is so boring. i cant.

random headcanon: she was close to her uncle tobirama

unpopular opinion: ok maybe her coping mechanisms aren’t as bad as jiraiya and orochimaru’s but she’s still like. a fucked up person. let her be fucked up!

song i associate with them: i have a whole document on my OTHER LAPTOP of songs i wanna make amvs with and 90% are tsunadee focused. but epiphany by taylor swift is the biggest. 

favorite picture of them: anytime she looks normal and not like boobs with a body attached, technically. tbf canon doesnt do this as often as fandom but there are some moments where it’s like “wow they really wanted to remind you tsunade has big boobs”

jiraiya

favorite thing about them: god....listen........ok, what i really, really like about jiraiya is he’s the steady one. when the world is falling apart, he keeps it together and supports those he loves. and like, he loves deeply. he’s been in love with tsunade since they were kids, and even when orochimaru went off the deep end he never gave up on him. i WILL not stop thinking about tsunade telling orochimaru that jiraiya trusted him until he died. BITCH? anyway jiraiya is just genuinely good and AWFULLY, the most defined by his morals of the sannin.

least favorite thing about them: yall i’m So tired of the perverted leech trope. i hate it. like there’s a post around here somewhere about the sannin’s coping mechanisms and why they’re the way they are and jiraiya’s is like “he craves intimacy but he’s terrified of losing people so he seeks out casual sex” or whatever and i think that’s so neat but then naruto gives it no depth and just makes him a gross old man. also, SIR, CAN WE TALK ABOUT YOUR CHILD ABANDONMENT ISSUES???? 

favorite line: whatever he told nagato about how hate breeds more hate

brOTP: naruto, the ame trio, minato. he loves his kids!

OTP: TSUNADE AND OROCHIMARU

nOTP: anyone that isn’t tsunade and orochimaru, those are his soulmates and the only ppl he will ever love

random headcanon: that man is bi!!!! 

unpopular opinion: he’s so much more complex and nuanced than most of fandom gives him credit for. like i get why people hate him, the pervert trope sucks and i hated him for it too, but there’s so much depth under the surface.

song i associate with them: happiest year by jaymes young

favorite picture of them: uhhhh i really like the art in the scene where naruto falls asleep at his back. it’s so soft and nice. didn’t he also just ditch naruto there???? jiraiya stop abandoning children!  jiraiya stop abandoning children!! JIRAIYA STOP ABANDONING CHILDREN!!!

[conchstellations]

watching the 1990 LOTF movie!! my reactions:

hello all!!!! i was bored at midnight again so here it is: me watchin the 1990 movie, for the first time, hell yeah!!!!! here we go!!! its got the other movie to live up to, so im excited for a comedy lmao!! tl;dr at end if u want!!! its kinda long btw lmao

- castle rock entertainment??? piggy u better watch out bro

- fuck is that the pilot???

- k this isnt a big thing but why are they in water? the plane left a scar in the earth, they were on land.

- okay, again, me nitpicking. but idk, to me, they dont look 12?? maybe its just cause theyre all dressed up n that but they dont look like 12 yr olds to me like the last movie

- why tf does ralph (?) have a glowstick lmaooooo

- why are they all together. where is my conch. wher are my stupid ass choir outfits. maybe im not there yet and they have them, but i want my stupid cloaks!!! jack would not stand for this!!!

- why TF is the pilot alive???

- am i supposed to know whos who by now?? did i just miss that?? which ones ralph? which ones jack?? wheres simon???

- conch??? the conchs main job is to bring them together, and here theyre already together so???

- piggy already makin me love him gosh piggy is child

- okay so im guessing brown hair kid is ralph

- piggy protecting conch rights

- i do like piggys sass... very iconic

- okay whAT??? is that blonde kid supposed to be jack?? first off, jack has red hair. second off, there is no way in hELL THAT MY basTARD child jack merridew would let ralph win the election just like that??? wheres my choir??? wheres my c sharp???

- okay jack would for sure call piggy shitbrain nvm

- mY CHOIR WOULD NOT ACCEPT THAT SINGING. 

- wheres simon????

- r they fuckin cookin lizards??? nvm look away simon pls dont be in this

- is thAT BITCH supposed to be Simon?? hes got a lot to look up to. also why the FUCK is the adult alive. taht ruins the whole purpose of the entire book

- was that a dream??? sorry im dumb af lmao

- alrght simon is kind of an adorable hild and he likes lizard maybe hes valid?

- idk.. for some reason this ralph isnt like, giving me ralph vibes?? hes just not bring like ralphish u know??

- now im getting a little bit more of our beloved lil bitch ralph..

- okay wtf is going on lmao

- “SHOVE THEIR DICK IN THE CONCH” had me laughing for a solid fucking 30 minutes. william golding who??? whoever wrote that line is the new icon

- ‘EAT SHIT AND DIE”  okay wtffff im so confused but also vv entertained

- for some reason jack’s character is like 100% off, but also somehow 100% on point “thats exactly what i meant” like holy shit. like idk hes not jack but just sometimes he radiates “jack if he was allowed to swear and was less of a lil bitch” energy

- ok simon and lizard?? valid

- i swear to FUCKING GOD i will kill that child!!!

- im gonna cry. wtf. why would you kill his lizard. even this movie’s jack seems like he thinks thats fucked up and hes a psychopath. also, lemme say, at this point, i think most of the book characters would beat the shit out of someone if they were mean to simon like that, bc the choir were his friends, and ralphs tribe respected him, sooooo

- why tf is it simons job to take care of the adult that shouldnt even be there? liek wtf hes grieving asshole

- no fucking duh hes scared of everyone but simon i would be too 

- honestly kinda glad they let ralph say fuck he deserved it

- “back off man im sick of ur shit and sos my gang” fuckin got em

- let me guess pilot dude is the new beast???

- honestly wtf is goin on lmao

- okay piggys actor actually made me sd when he was crying about his glasses so good job

- simon comin through with the glowstick. also, good job simon

- well at least the lord of the flies looks terrifying as always

- are samneric putting on warpaint this early?? bc i WILL NOT stand for that shit. i am a samneric STAN Ok??? they were two of the tHREE left when simon died who didnt become cowards and go savage. they wree LOYAL to ralph until they were LITERALLY tied up and FORCED to join jack, and even then they helped ralph!!!! so fuck u. samneric are better than that.

- oh simon :(

- im glad they actually kind of (?) shwed simon like with the pig head bc last movei it was just ike them flipping the camera from pig to si so idkk

- ok that was a pretty ralph move to bring up the fire 24/7 lmao

- piggytits?? tf

- simon with hus fuckin glowstick lmao

- awe, simon

- okay HOLY SHIT. the sounds of what i assume to be them fucking stabbing simon are horrific. and then that cut to simon’s fucking mutiliated corpse?? holy SHIT. like as much as im complaining, thats the gruesome shit i expect from this book. i was expecting them to shy away from it bc its so awful, but im SO glad they didnt, bc that gave me fuckin chills. finally, something i can praise them on. thats the lord of the flies i expect. 

- i feel bad for ralph.. good job

- ok good. samneric came back. good job again.

- ok. nvm. the disrespect to my loyal children. alright.

- okay that child screaming as hes being whipped?? wtf.

- ok that line of piggy being scared that the russians will take them nad make them go into the olympics? gold. 

- piggys laugh is so pure

- why the fuCK are they finding instruments lmao

- poor piggy

- did roger just wolf whistle at ralph what the fuck is going on

- holy SHIt this movie does not hold back on the blood. but, wheres my conch explosion?? if ur gonna show him getting hit u gotta show the conch exploding. although, the conch means like nothing in this movie lmao

- okay wow piggys dead body cool cool cool

- ralph fucking YEETED that kid to the ground lmao

- okay, ralph crying?? good acting

tl;dr/conclusion/my thoughts: hooooo boy so i see why everyone likes 1960 one better. 

first, lets start with the obvious: why this isnt lord of the flies. because its not. if this wasnt telling me that its lord of the flies, i would think of it as that, really. first off, the conch. the conch represents civility, it brings them together. its important. when piggy dies, it dies, representing how all civility is now gone. i maybe saw the conch three times this movie. didnt do anything.

second, the pilot, captain whatever. the point of the beast to me is that they made it up. sure, the corpse was real, but it didnt pose a threat, it was simply a corpse. they made it into what it was, therefore proving that they are the beast. sure, the pilot here was harmless, but he grbbed a boy’s foot and was therefore making himself a possible threat. maybe its not a big deal i guess.

third, the characters. the point of lord of the flies is that they are rich kids who havent gone through anything. theyre the perfect, spoiled kids who havent done anything wrong. half of them are in choir. chOIR. in this movie, lets take jack for example. they said he stole  a car and got sent to military school. no. the point of jack is that he was a perfect kid. leader of choir. he was manipulitive and got even ADULTS to trust him. its part of hs character, showing that this perfect choir leader kid went fucking insane to prove how literally everyone can be evil. also samneric???? the direspect!! they were loyal to ralph until they were tied up and FORCED to join jack, and even then, after roger like beat the shit out of them, they were STILL loyal. fuck you.

so those are the MAIN reasons why it wasnt lotf. 

now, what i liked i guess.

the swearing was NOT lotf, and it didnt fit with the story, but ill admit that i laughed, so i guess thats a plus.

second, i liked how they showed the gore, i guess? sounds weird, hear me out. lord of the flies is a gruesome, violent, awful book. theres descriptions of death in detail, and im so glad they showed it. when simon’s body was there, literally torn to shreds? the shock of it, the true savagery you see that these boys murdered him SO violently, is amazing, because thats the essence of lotf. simons death shows how theyve lost all their civility, and showing such a gruesome corpse really brings that through. so good job.

and now, of course, the obvious: thats not the characters i pictured when i read the story. simon doesnt look like that, ralph doesnt look like that, jack doesnt look like that.

 where did the choir go, too? forgot to mention that, and i think that also adds into the whole, theyre supposed to be perfect kids and then become savage thing. also, the choir was a group. they voted for jack and went with him for a reason. 

so yea, thats that. dont know why people would read this lmao but thats my thoughts!!!! i just need to keep myself busy when i watch movies and to make sure i focused, i figured id just write down my thoughts as i went. if u wanna watch for free, look up lord of the flies 1990 google drive. 

;)))) and yea im posting this at 230 am lmao why not

[elle-eedee]

dcom daddies: ranked

whats up sluts i’m here to give you the content you did NOT know you needed: a foolproof algorithmic ranking of a mild selection of disney channel dads!

beast (descendants)

hotness scale: extremely tall (over a foot taller than me! this is Very Important to the scale) and he seems to be a mere thread’s width away from Unhinged at all times, which i love. i also think it’s very sexy of him to still have such a monstrous way about himself (what with the roaring and the growling) 20something years post-curse.... makes me wonder very vividly if such energies carry to the b*droom........ *clears throat* 10/10

quality of character scale: it eternally amuses me that beast seems to learn almost Nothing over the course of this trilogy. he’s literally pro-isle the ENTIRE time jsjdndjdjd..... not great considering it puts him directly at odds with his son (and, like, with social progress) but he Does seem to act the way he does with the kingdom’s safety in mind! plus when he’s not accidentally supporting magical fascism he’s super dorky. i love his goofy dance moves 7.5/10

total score: 17.5/20...... with this score alone you can tell this system isnt rigged bc if i had it my way he’d be winning

hades (descendants)

hotness scale: i hate his party city clown wig but i’m a total sucker for guys in makeup (EVEN THOUGH A DECENT SHADE OF LIPSTICK WOULD HAVE BROUGHT HIS ENSEMBLE TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY PROPOSE IT ON THE CHARACTER DESIGN WALL IF THEY WERENT GONNA FOLLOW THROUGH!!!) and i think the fact that hes Very Sleepy and doesnt own a dog makes him my dream guy 9.5/10

quality of character scale: he literally sings a song about how cool he thinks it is that he’s a shitty dad............ but he DOES come through when his kid needs him, so that’s nice i guess. i would have liked to see more of him but i’ll settle for reading and writing intricate fan works that delve into a hypothetical personality for him that’s mainly conjecture 7.25/10

total score: 16.75/20 i wanna see him in some preppy auradon clothes

jafar (descendants)

hotness scale: i wish i had nicer things to say about this man. he just....... bears so little resemblance to the original jafar it makes me :( maybe if he was more gangly, or if he carried himself w the same potent gay energy that og jafar has? itd also help it he wasnt a racist caricature. 4.5/10

quality of character scale: again, very much a racist caricature. jafar doesnt steal!!! why would This be what he chose to do with himself! but he does seem to be, perhaps, the least bad of the core four’s parents, which counts for something i suppose. 3/10

total score: 7.5/20 sorry bud

dr facilier (descendants)

hotness scale: listen. it’s dr facilier. what am i supposed to do, NOT give him a perfect score on the sexy scale? 10/10

quality of character scale: he just loves his daughter and wants to make sure she’s getting what’s hers!!!!! his dynamic with celia makes me really happy they seem so fun! though i guess you could argue it sucks that he’d send his darling babey dohter to do errands for big mean scary hades considering that Everyone on the isle seems to quake at the sight of him. but im sure facilier only does that to ensure that celia can hold her own! 8/10

total score: 18/20 and it’d probably be higher if we’d seen more of him

mr smee (descendants)

hotness scale: not only does this man fuck, judging by the ages of his kids he fucked RECENTLY. get it baby live your truth 7/10

quality of character scale: he seems to be SO kind and sweet to his baby sons..... holding their little hands and such!!! and judging by how nervous the kids are i’d imagine it was primarily smee’s idea for them to go to auradon. extremely noble sacrifice for their benefit even though he’ll miss them 10/10!!!!!

total score: 17/20 i want to kiss his hand, if he’ll have me

zevon necrodopolous (zombies)

hotness scale: every time i look at this man i think of this post. he’s the perfect amount of frumpy for my tastes and his voice is so unique!!!!! i’d let his z-band malfunction so he could *** ** ***** * ******* **** 9/10

quality of character scale: really really cares about his kids and wants them to be safe!! he raises his voice once which im not a huge fan of but i suppose it was justified given the circumstances. also that shot of him goofing about with d*le in the end scene shows remarkable capacity for forgiveness after decades of trauma and discrimination! what a guy. 9/10

total score: 18/20 an absolute dilf!!!!!

dale (zombies)

hotness scale: looks like an uncrustable. 0/10

quality of character scale: a fucking cop. die bitch! 0/10

total score: 0/20 get in since you wanna act clown

coach jack bolton (high school musical)

hotness scale: honestly pretty young for my tastes. and i literally Always swipe left on athletes, so..... fine looking, but not for me. 5/10

quality of character scale: obviously he grows as the series progresses but i feel like jack is Always in the way of troy getting what he wants, which sucks. i like that he’s kinda goofy on his off hours with his family exactly as much as i Hate how much he yells when hes on the job. i do wish we lived in the timeline where he and miss darbus actually had that duet about their disagreements, though. 5/10

total score: 10/20 truly an Average dcom daddy

vance evans (high school musical)

hotness scale: due to personal reasons i will be having bad taste. however, this man’s fashion sense in IMPECCABLE. i mean, the colors??? the unbuttoned collar???? come on now. there is also the gratuitous use of the d-word to consider......................... anyways 7.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s hard to tell how much of his interest in furthering troy’s career is out of sincerity and how much of it is sharpay nudging him. but either way the result is a man who supports his daughter unconditionally! he could be nicer to ryan, though (plus he’s an evil capitalist) 6/10

total score: 13.5/20 i feel like he and fulton have had Relations

mr gifford (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: listen, i’m a simple guy. i see a basic-looking man pursuing age gap romance in the midst of a mid-life crisis, i support him unconditionally. also i am just Really vibing with that oversized denim shirt on him!!! there’s an egregious amount of arm hair poking out that just works. good for him! and this is a small moment but i’m very flustered over his natural Touchy Feely instinct after wen pokes out his eye... however: man has no eyebrows. 8.5/10

quality of character scale: i’m not a child of divorce so i don’t know how this stuff works, but i feel like he springs a lot of major decisions on wen? not ideal. on the other hand, we DO stan that he has sydney move in before they’re married. this is not a christian home!!!! 6/10

total score: 14.5/20 probably my favorite lemonade mouth dad, but mostly because he’s like the only one paid any attention by the narrative

mr banjaree (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: men really have beautifully sculpted noses and we just let them, huh. i’m definitely overusing the word Handsome in this list, but in this case? i’m justified. mr banjaree’s beard suits him SO well and his hair looks so soft...... and we love the implicit cleanliness of a man who wears socks in the house! 8/10

quality of character scale: i super SUPER dont agree with this man’s Smothering-Adjacent Methods (and also i know firsthand that strict parentage just drives kids to be more rebellious, lmao) but all things considered he really just wants the best for his family PLUS he’s willing to meet mo halfway at the end! :’) 6/10

total score: 14/20 the way i feel about him is the way i feel when i get crushes on pastors in that You Are Complicit In My Trauma But We’re Gonna Kiss About It way

mr delgado (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: OOOOH GLASSES! 5/10

quality of character scale: it’s sort of implied that the Wacko Energies of charlie’s family are mostly the fault of his mom so it’s cool of this man to distance himself from that. he is, of course, still complicit in Whatever The Hell Her Deal Is unless he is constantly fighting with her offscreen 6/10

total score: 11/20 would have loved to see more of him

mr yamada (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: another chapter in the saga of unbuttoned collars! doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to show off his strengths but i appreciate that he is not the thinnest dad in town 6.5/10

quality of character scale: WOW fuck this guy. very dismissive of stella’s aspirations!!!!! i don’t like that he feels the need to talk Over her to her mom when he’s asking about her vegetarianism. dude she is right there.... however it’s a lil touching when he holds her guitar up at the end, so... 4/10?

total score: 10.5/20 *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thi

bob duncan (good luck charlie: it’s christmas!)

hotness scale: in keeping this Specific to the feature-length xmas special, i will say that bob duncan is QUITE handsome! disappointed that he was wearing a shirt in the scene at the pool.... ill bet if this movie came out post-workout/makeover he’d have been shirtless >:/ i feel robbed... spare tummy, sir? spare tummy? additionally i love a man who rolls up his sleeves AND a man who stans kaiju movies!! also i love that he, quite literally, canonically fucks 8.5/10

quality of character scale: he’s about as charmingly incompetent as he is in the show, but the difference here is that he literally did not do a damn thing wrong! all he wanted to do was be civil with his inlaws and he frankly deserves MUCH better. its clear from his banter with the kids that he loves them very much (also i love how frequently he feels the need to jump/dive for things in this movie. silly slapstick icon) 8.75/10

total score: 17.25/20 this man’s mere presence oozes nostalgia

jerry russo (wizards of waverly place: the movie)

hotness scale: this man was MADE for me. the bottomless collection of hawaiian shirts....... the TWO tummy out scenes..........the fucked up evil thing his voice does when the kids try to steal the spellbook!!! he really has it all. also i love that he is truly just trying to have some beach intercourse 9/10

quality of character scale: i love that even when he doesn’t remember the kids he still maintains a little dadly rapport with them? the instincts...... it’s also incredibly good of him to relive his decision to give up his magic without hesitation once he realizes the severity of the situation :’0 10/10

total score: 19/20 i’ve never seen an episode of the show but im really about to start

neil morris (dadnapped)

hotness scale: handsome....... mr morris makes me feel simultaneously like a sapiosexual AND a morosexual because although he completed enough schooling to become a dentist, he also threw it away for a writing career like an absolute champ. also i find it unbelievably charming how Along For The Ride he is about the idea of being kidnapped. a man after my own heart 8.25/10

quality of character scale: this is a tricky one...... neil DOES show active concern for his daughter’s safety when push comes to shove, but he also has my least favorite type of redemption arc: “you THOUGHT i was neglecting you, but actually i was thinking about you the whole time and just never expressed it! we good?” so like. bleh. but he’s pretty mild mannered which i deeply appreciate in a man! 6.5/10

total score: 14.75/20 maybe talk to your daughter instead of writing a macgyver ripoff, dumbass

major joe mason (princess protection program)

hotness scale: prime dad bod, very believable for his line of work. also he has such a Gentle Way about himself when he’s around princesses....... i love all the hand holding when he’s escorting rosie. absolutely my type 8.75/10

quality of character scale: gosh.... where do i even BEGIN!!! his whole dynamic with carter is so ideal... i was apprehensive at first because his job would require him to be Absent a lot of the time, but upon reflection it’s clear that he’s raised carter well enough that he can totally trust her to be on her own, and also she’s only sad to see him go because she sincerely enjoys his company. everything about his profession is so noble and i love the way he can carry himself as casually or as politely as a given situation calls for. worst thing he does is say “i might have to stop calling you ‘pal’” because his daughter is wearing a pretty dress. i wish he was my dad but i’ll settle for him being my husband 9.75/10

total score: 18.5/20 i almost made a ppp self insert this morning specifically for Him

ted thompson (zapped)

hotness scale: athletes arent sexy!! this guy’s face screams The Only Websites I Know How To Use Are Facebook And Reddit and also he’s a dog person BUT he is sporting quite the tumbey if i do say so myself and for that i shall let him live. 4/10

quality of character scale: ok i know the whole point of this movie is Boys Bad but i hate men who are loud and i hate dads who get Weird about the inherent femininity of their daughters. when he calls zoey “sport” and then cringes like he’s made a mistake? dumb and unnecessary. HOWEVER all of his efforts to bond with zoey are really really sincere. like when he fixes her music box? that has NOTHING to do with the app he just Does It!!!! the movey mightve rubbed off on me a little too much but there are multiple ways to show love and just bc im not used to his way doesnt mean it has no worth! 6/10

total score: 10/20 mr thompson sir im sorry i doubted you at the start of the film

rob adams (radio rebel)

hotness scale: this man dresses 5-10 years younger than he looks and i respect that for him. but i was expecting him to be a bit more of a slimeball considering how tara talks about him in the opening scene... and you guys know how much i love slimeballs. regardless, pretty handsome! 6.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s nice that he goes to such a Public and Corporate effort to connect to his stepdaughter! even if it’s in a way that financially benefits him, it’s pretty clear that he cares about this family and wants to do right by them. nothing exceptional, though 7/10

total score: 13.5/20 i GUESS i’d be down to smash if he asked

ralph bartlett (read it and weep)

hotness scale: ok i was gonna say something mean about the fact that he’s balding but honestly he has really nice arms........ in addition he’s really quirky and optimistic which i am going to admire into my grave!! when he gets excited about having customers during the finale his voice quirks with an almost charlie day-esque charm. handsome. ALSO he calls jamie “princess” which is!!!!!!! something 7.5/10

quality of character scale: the way ralph parents his kids is Very 2000s in that he kinda babies his daughter but gets to pal around with his son, but i guess both dynamics come from a place of love and he could be doing much worse. plus he’s an honest hardworking small business owner! i support him 7/10

total score: 14.5/20 i would definitely go out for pizza with him

dr james hartley (how to build a better boy)

hotness scale: THIS. THIS IS WHAT DCOM DADDIES ARE ALL ABOUT. gosh..... this is truly the Most dad ive ever seen in my life. i love how his hair is always mussed..... how he’s so Desperate to relax that he falls asleep after Fifteen Seconds of smooth jazz..... and also. like. hes a scientist?? hello??? pretty sexy of him. i want to give this man the relaxation he deserves 10/10

quality of character scale: ok so,,,...,, kinda fucked up that he lied to his whole family (with the possible exception of his wife—sidenote, WHY did they make dr hartley married? his wife never comes up except when bart says she’s out of town. let him be single so i can slide into those dms) and EXTRA kinda fucked up that he works for the government? what a scab. BUT it’s very very clear that he cares about his kids (and gabby) and prioritizes their safety above all else! also, did you SEE how happy he was when mae won homecoming queen....... he loves her so so so much! :’0 8.5/10

total score: 18.5/20 i thirst tweeted about this man and roger bart replied ‘Aw, thanks!’ so i dont know where to go from here