#'clowning for life' I believe is the quote

[epersonae]

I will post more later, but I can say that Samba's cooking class (peche melba/rosy maple moth/candied melon silk moth pie) was delightful, he's a great host!

I have not yet eaten the pie but will report back when I do. Have a mise en place photo and a couple of process photos in the meantime

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #2: NOT QUITE THERE

(also on spotify!)

b-b-back once again

Round two of the Constant Companions Closeups - a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions! Yesterday was track one, Dyad - today is track two, Not Quite There, featuring the incomparable telebasher!

This one's a bit of a dark horse relative to the rest of the album, but it may very well be my personal favorite song on the entire thing so dammit let's Yap

---

For the uninitiated, this song pulls heavily from a song off my previous album called Gummyworm, both in vibe and by very directly quoting its synth motif.

Both of these songs deal with two sides of the same emotional coin. I actually don't want to go into too much detail about it - I feel like the lyrics spell things out clearly enough - but I will say this:

When it's all you know, it's easy to believe that a love that isolates you, a love that doesn't respect you, a love that hurts is better than no love at all.

You deserve better. There are always people who genuinely want what's best for you, who want you to feel truly loved. It certainly isn't always easy - it's genuinely good if your interpersonal relationships have a little friction sometimes - but love should make your life brighter.

You deserve a love that's fair.

---

The original version of this song was actually intended to be on Bittersweet alongside Gummyworm. The original concept for that album had a whole heady concept involving duality, songs reflecting each other, the two halves basically being reprisals of each other... Ultimately, I'm glad I scrapped that idea, because it was waaaaaay too much for me to manage after a couple years of barely making music. Maybe I'll revisit it someday though?

The drums on this song are sampled from an Instagram post by Louis Cole, where he's doing this crazy one-handed hi-hat blast by holding a drumstick sideways. I'm a drummer and that shit genuinely scares me a little like i dont know how he does half the things he does its fucked BUT. I bring this up because he's one of my biggest inspirations as a musician! I'm really big on jazz in general, in case my love for spicy chords wasn't enough of an indication, but his specific brand of freaky hyperactive bullshit just does it for me.

Seriously, go watch his band KNOWER play their song Overtime. Absolutely insane performances across the board. also Clown Core

This whole song is really just my attempt at matching some of that hectic jazzy energy with my own style of music, so I figured it only made sense to make it another collab with another musician making delightfully frantic jazz bullshit - the legend herself, telebasher! I really am such a massive fan of her work, and I struggle to think of anyone who plays guitar quite like she does. We previously worked together on another Bittersweet track, Asemic Speech, and her guitar work is a major reason why that song is still one of my favorite I've ever released!! She's just built different like listen to this oh my god!!!!

Lastly, since this song was one of the first written for this entire project... it is admittedly a case of me shoehorning the album's leitmotif in after the fact. It's a little forced when it shows up in the backing vocals! But, the choir of vocal synths during the guitar solo served an additional purpose - my own voice doesn't show up on the album again for another four entire songs, and this would've otherwise been the only song on the entire album that didn't feature any vocal synths. Thus did I attempt to bridge the gap, as it were. Hopefully it makes the final product feel more natural!!

Either way, that's all for today's post.... i think.... which means that tomorrow.... we're gonna rot.... for clout

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 8 part 5

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2])

We're on to the new moon phase and Green Witch trial. On a side note, I finally found out why the order of the trials didn't make sense to me! Or rather, I found a reddit post explaining it because I'm not that smart on my own: the moon phases form a pentagram! How cool is that?

billy has learned that their green witch is none other than Death, so they wake up in a morgue. like alice said, the Road isn't subtle.

this trial is not for rio though - she was never part of the Road. there's nothing green here, the light is blue and pink and purple, like billy, jen and agatha. and how apt for billy to wake up in a body bag, considering he's a reanimated corpse.

agatha of course complains about what she's wearing

whenever agatha finds herself in a dicey situation she has to crack jokes and posture and look uncaring. billy and jen can express their genuine fear, agatha will swallow it down and beat it back with a stick and choke on it rather than showing an inch of vulnerability

technically they've been under her basement this whole time

I hope someone has compiled a list of all the Wizard of Oz quotes in this show, seriously there's so many

yes you are! this show keeps being so clever. out of death, life.

agatha you made a whole baby from scratch with rio, keep up! if you were any good at metaphors this trial would have been over already

the brooch is always her priority. I find it so interesting that it belonged to her mother too, it symbolizes both evanora and nicky, it's a generational (literally maiden mother crone) curse that she tried and failed to break and reclaim

jen checking if she has any healing water left. she doesn't, it would have been too easy.

this clown is so scared fr

aaand of course she starts tormenting people around her. her behavioral patterns are so predictable once you start noticing

you don't know how many times I facepalm watching and screencapping this show. all thanks to the stuff agatha says or does.

I didn't even try to save alice really gets me. she didn't. she stood by and watched as agatha killed her. she was too engulfed in her own self-preservation and her hatred.

alice's and lilia's examples have made an enormous difference.

agatha has never met a genuine honest emotion without wanting to bury it with sarcasm

they are all so fed up with her!

this is billy doing exactly what he's been doing in every trial: oversimplifying complex issues. alice needs to sing a song to solve her mommy issues! lilia can wear silly costumes and learn to accept her identity! agatha can just chat with nicky via ouija board, that'll solve that whole can of worms! and jen can totally get over the horrible abuse she's been trough if she believes in herself hard enough. the real magic was in you all along, jennifer!

billy's heart is absolutely in the right place, but he's been playing with people feelings and he has a lot to learn still.

jen very rightly points out that that would mean she wasted the last century. it's a matter of nuance, you know? billy still thinks of trauma as something that you can snap out of if you're strong enough, trivializing the actual time and willpower and work and pain it takes. jen did not waste a century, jen needed a century to come to terms with what happened. healing takes time and it's not straightforward. sometimes it's simply impossible.

and also, the implication that jen should just snap out of it and find her own strength completely erases what agatha and the doctor did to her, it places responsibility only on her shoulders. jen is a VICTIM. jen was violated. I'm glad the show negates billy's input and has jen confronting agatha head on.

why DOES agatha admit her guilt now? because she does it on purpose, mark my words, agatha has always ulterior motives. look how dramatic she's being about it! she's been pacing this place like a lion in a cage, trying to find a way out. like I said, she is predictable, she is doing exactly what she just did with billy on the Road: she throws a bomb and hope it'll get them unstuck.

and also, idk if agatha already knew she was the one who bound jen or if she just found out this moment, but I'll tell you what: she feels FUCKING GUILTY. we've been shown time and time again that agatha feels guilt for all the fucked up shit she did. as agnes she was genuinely distraught about wanda's death. hell, she doesn't want to face nicky because she can't justify what she did to him and to his memory.

agatha respects the shit out of jen, even if she'd swallow her tongue before admitting it. you know that guilt is eating her alive.

incredible work from sasheer here. it's rage, it's exasperation, it's disbelief, it's one hundred years of pain.

btw I'm still working on my essay about agatha and internalized misogyny. yes, it has turned into a full blown essay by now. I'm probably going to call it Agatha and the Patriarchy or something of the sort, because, like, look at this shit.

jen is wearing her heart on her sleeve right now, she's vomiting all of her emotions. agatha is deflecting and deflecting and deflecting. this is where we start, this unbalance between them. look at how the scene evolves.

jen initiates the unbinding ritual, and she knows it by heart. how many times has she pictured doing this to the person who bound her?

agatha tries to make it sexual, and look, let's not mince words. I keep saying violation, but there's a clear metaphor for rape here. that agatha would go there is nothing short of despicable.

agatha tries to look away. jen grabs her and makes her look.

agatha squirms. jen grows more and more emotional.

as jen goes through the ritual, agatha grows somber. she cannot escape anywhere, she cannot joke or deflect, jen has literally tied her up and forced her to look her in the eyes, witness her tragedy, face what she did.

on her tarot card agatha holds up her hands, like she's begging - for power, knowledge, love, forgiveness. she's always begging, always searching, always hungry. but everything she tries to hold she crushes. she holds nothing.

sasheer.

this is not jen finding magic inside herself, this is very clearly, very deliberately jen wrestling back her agency from agatha. you hold nothing, you are a pathetic, wretched little woman and I won't allow you to hold power over me any longer, you don't deserve it, you're not worth to take any more space in my existence.

and I love that she just leaves. she never comes back to bail agatha out of the trial, she's not asked to be the bigger person or to forgive and forget. alice forgave agatha, lilia did. jen doesn't, and she has every right not to.

I'm not going to attempt a discourse about race here, I'm white and I don't have the background, language or authority for it. I can only ask you to listen to what black women have to say and read articles and books on the subject (i recommend White Feminism by Koa Becks.) (also, do add to this conversation!) i'm just gonna say that if I could change one thing about the finale or the show in general, I'd give more breath and weight to jen's story - the way things were shaped, jen's trial was only minimally about her, and her big moment in the finale, while undoubtedly nice, is still too little too late compared to what alice and lilia had. at least she's still alive, so I guess there's still hope that the stars will align and we'll get some more consistent and fulfilling writing for her in the future.

I know this is first and foremost a show about agatha and, like the old tumblr wisdom says, if you try to tackle too many issues you'll just turn into glee. Still, jen's story deserved to be handled more carefully.

go to episode 8 part 6

[ufonaut]

One of the most fascinating aspects of Joker: Folie à Deux (2024) is its in-universe use of media as a roadmap for the viewer. From the very first minute of the movie, we're cleverly told what to expect and what its inspirations are.

Sweet Charity (1966 stage musical, screenshot from the 1969 film) stands out as the biggest inspiration behind the movie, Arthur's character arc is practically beat-by-beat identical to Charity's -- she's a down-on-her-luck taxi dancer (an entertainer of about the same calibre Arthur was!) longing for love and affection, practically inhabiting a fantasy world. Charity firmly believes love is the only thing capable of making her a worthwhile person, and she attempts suicide after a break-up. Characterisation references aside, the film also uses If My Friends Could See Me Now from the very same musical.

The Band Wagon (1953) also stands out on a nearly meta level, That's Entertainment! comes up again and again throughout Folie à Deux and the most evident point it's making is that a musical is no less meaningful than a dramatic play/movie. If that's the message directed to the audience, then within the text of the film itself it speaks to the artifice of Lee's intentions -- "That, I can understand," she says during the screening of the film in Arkham. There also several interesting shot compositions during the same scene, especially with the line "the clown with his pants falling down" syncing up with a close-up on Arthur followed by a close-up on Lee starting the fire on "the dance that's a dream of romance/the scene where the villain is mean".

The first song (Slap That Bass) we hear in the film comes from Shall We Dance (1937), although the use of the poster in the introduction can also work on another level considering the plot of this Astaire/Rogers musical concerns a relationship made up by the tabloid press eventually becoming reality.

Modern Times (1936) primarily references the first movie, with the quote above thoroughly explaining Todd's point, but it also serves to remind us of Arthur's working class background.

Pal Joey (1957) contains Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered, performed in the film during Arthur's interview.

The one cartoon that keeps cropping up throughout the film is a Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies short featuring Pepe Le Pew, it's first seen right before For Once In My Life and then again at the end when Arthur is returned to Arkham for the last time. The meaning is plain by that point, after all Pepe is known for chasing a cat in the hopes of winning her over solely because he thinks they're the same -- that she's like him. It's a little detail straddling the line between comedic and tragic just like the rest of Arthur and Lee's relationship.

[gingacat]

twisted from: Myth of the Victoria Water Lily

name: Lily V. Maven

birthday: February 12 (Aquarius)

age: 16

height: 155 cm

homeland: Starway River, a river that starts in the Oniric Rainforest and crosses the Golden Cordilleras. (my fan made locations)

grade: Freshman

class: D

club: Film Research club

best subject: Astrology

worst subject: History of magic

dorm: Astromunay (my Yzma fan dorm)

hobbies: Stargazing

pet peeves: Heartless people

favorite food: Avocado with sugar

least favorite food: Meat

talent: Acrobatic diving

nicknames: Mavis (Cater), Seaweed (Floyd), Mademoiselle Clown (Rook), Leaf bug (Miyuu)

quotes:

“What am I doing? Well, I'm counting clouds. It sounds boring but it's lots of fun, I totally recommen— Hey?! Why are you walking away?!”

Personality

At first glance, Lily seems to be innocent and naive, but she is still a fae from the Oniric Rainforest, a place known for its mystical and mischievous creatures. She is a playful person who loves playing tricks on people and talking in ambiguous ways that leave others confused. She also finds it fun to pretend to be dumb, when in fact she's secretly really smart.

It's easy to get along with her, but you have to be careful not to believe 100% in what she says. She likes riddles and puzzles and expresses herself or her thoughts through either weird metaphors or by using sarcasm that sounds genuine. It is hard to know when she is joking and when she's not.

But Lily is not that complex, it's just her nature to act in a more playful way, she just wants to have fun and thinks her way of acting will also bring fun to other people. She likes teasing others, but if she sees that she has hurt someone, she'll immediately stop and apologize.

When she is upset, Lily becomes quiet and distant, seeming to be in an entirely different place inside of her head.

She is obsessed with astronomy and when someone awakens her love for it, she gets extremely excited, rambling about stars, planets, galaxies, the universe, etc. Lily gets really happy when people actually listen or are invested in what she says, loving to share an interest of hers to others.

Background

Her father, Levi, is a water fae and her mother, Rosario, is a wood fae. Lily is their only child.

Her parents were always fighting, always stressed by their own personal lives, and the overall mood of the household was dark, sorrowful. Levi was fond of Space though, and he enjoyed taking Lily to go stargazing. Ever since she was very young, she was enamored with the stars.

Lily's first memory with stargazing was unforgettable. She remembers she was very upset that day and couldn't stop crying because she was the reason her parents had fought. Not wanting his daughter to be sad, Levi took her to see how beautiful the sky looked that night. For the first time in her life, Lily had seen something that wasn't gloomy nor dark, but shining so bright that it had touched her heart. Just as she was looking at the stars, the stars were looking back at her, embracing her with all their warm and beautiful luster.

Lily imagined how it would be like to be there, shining right next to the Moon. She wanted to be like the stars, who make people happier, who brighten people's moods even when everything seems to be horrible, even when the entire world seems to be so dark and so lonely.

Although, because of her mischievous nature, she eventually found a more playful way to shine and bring joy: by making others laugh.

Trivia

Her age is counted in human years because her mother is half-human and half-fae so Lily is not 100% fae. (i had to humanize Lily bc fae years are just so complicated 😭)

Lily mispronounces Diasomnia for Dysnomia, the name of a moon. Sebek keeps correcting her, but she never gets it right. (she's doing it on purpose)

She can breathe underwater.

Lily is very interested in scientific theories and loves debating about them. (ex: wormhole theory, panspermia theory, things like that)

She is the class clown. She keeps asking the most outrageously stupid questions to the teachers and manages to make the entire class laugh. (except for Sebek, lmao)

Lily never met Malleus but she would probably call him her broski.

If anyone is curious, the Victoria Water Lily myth tells the story of a woman who drowned after leaning towards a river to touch the reflection of the Moon, since she was in love with the Moon. The Moon (or Goddess of the Moon) was known for choosing women and turning them into stars, but to honor that woman who drowned, the Moon turned her into a Victoria Regia (water lily), which is known as the "Star of the waters".

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM THE SOPRANOS *  assorted dialogue from the television show, adjust as necessary

i find i have to be the sad clown: laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.

i went ahead and ordered some for the table.

when you're married, you'll understand the importance of fresh produce.

we've got guns here.

he just told you to shut the fuck up.

the things i take pleasure in, i can't do.

don't you ever say you hate life.

oh, poor you!

so what, no fucking ziti now?

you want compromise? how's this?

i'll keep this short and sweet.

you're weak. you're outta control. and you've become an embarrassment to yourself and everybody else.

sometimes it's important to give people the illusion of being in control.

are you in the mafia?

tomorrow i can be on time, but you'll be stupid forever.

let me tell you a couple of three things.

you're not gonna believe this.

a wrong decision is better than indecision.

i'm like king midas in reverse here. everything i touch turns to shit.

if you can quote the rules, then you can obey them.

we're soldiers. soldiers don't go to hell. it's war. soldiers kill other soldiers.

we're in a situation where everyone involved knows the stakes and if you are going to accept those stakes, you've got to do certain things.

there's an old italian saying: you fuck up once, you lose two teeth.

someday soon, you're gonna have families of your own and if you're lucky, you'll remember the little moments like this that were good.

hey, i don't even let anyone wag their finger in my face.

it's good to be in something from the ground floor.

those who want respect give respect.

is this a woman thing? you ask me how i'm feeling, i tell you how i'm feeling, and now you're going to torture me with it.

lately, i'm getting the feeling that i came in at the end. the best is over.

my father was in it. my uncle was in it.

maybe i was too lazy to think for myself.

buy land, 'cause god ain't making any more of it.

i don't care how close you are. in the end, your friends are gonna let you down.

family... they're the only ones you can depend on.

take your hat off.

teddy roosevelt once gave an entire speech with a bullet lodged in his chest. some things are just a matter of duty.

some people are so far behind in a race that they actually believe they're leading.

sometimes we're all hypocrites.

other people's definitions of you, sometimes they're more about making themselves feel better. you gotta define yourself.

people only see what you allow them to see.

death just shows the ultimate absurdity of life.

you know when i was depressed i said i didn't want to live? well, i'll tell you something. i didn't want to die.

that's why dinosaurs don't exist no more.

don't touch that! my program's coming on.

i wish the lord would take me now.

our existence on this earth is a puzzle.

i'm getting my wine in position to throw in your damn face.

[daughterofapollo-official]

Leo Valdez Fan theory.

OK, I have two really strong, but really dark head cannons about Leo Valdez.

1) he’s got wrapped up in crimes really really in life

2) he’s anorexic.

First, I want to establish that anorexia isn’t necessarily the need to be as skinny as possible.

Can develop and form at age for multitude of reasons the most popular being: constant needed to lose weight, strong need of control, or self harm/punishment.

I feel like Leo is either need for control or the need for self punishment.

I have a lot of thoughts about this, but in order to do this correctly, I wanted to start with the very first appearance Leo has in the Percy Jackson universe.

His very first line is a response to Jason saying “I don’t belong here.”

Stating “you’re right! We’ve all been framed. I didn’t run away six times and Piper didn’t steel convertible.”

How is running away even comparable to stealing a car?

This makes me believe that Leo did something far worse than just run away either he did something and that’s why he ran away or he ran away to do something.

Or he ran away and did something.

But comparing running away a few times and stealing a car and then giving them the exact same consequence scenes unreasonable to me I think Leo probably did something a lot darker but because this is a kids book it’s not mentioned.

Shortly after being introduced to Leo in the form of this first statement, Jason’s in her monologue goes on to describe Leo as this mischievous, looking boy that the second he looked at him and looked in his eyes. He could tell that he couldn’t trust him with matches and sharp objects.

No one could see this as for shadowing for Leo’s godly parent, being the god of forge and fire.

But I see this as a sign that despite his physique Leo Valdez has this aura of danger.

“crash course for the amnesiac: we go to the wilderness school. Which means we’re bad kids. Your family, or the court, or whoever. Decided you were to much trouble so they sent you off to this lovely prison. Sorry, boarding school.”

The words in the statement from Leo Valdez in chapter 1, give us a valuable clues on the type of environment. Leo Piper and Jason are inside. 

As if the further emphasize the point that these kids have committed crimes, Jason’s inter monologue says that none of these kids look like a “hard criminals” and he wonders what they could have done to be “sentenced to school for delinquents.”

And again, these are actual lines from the book Leo Valdez canonically is classified legally as a delinquent.

And knowing Leo does not have any family it’s clear that Leo received this as a sentence from a courtroom.

As he himself stated, as we just saw you can be sent to this place not just by parents who think you need a strict or lifestyle, but by the court.

“ he had survived and tough neighborhoods, tough schools, touch foster homes, by using his wits, he was the class clown, the court jester. Because he learned early that if you crack jokes and pretend not to be scared you usually didn’t get beat up. Even the baddest, gangster kids will tolerate you. Keep you around for laughs.”

This quote from the novel also is a clear clue that Leo a dark skinned kid in the United States, grew up, hanging out with delinquents hanging out with kids that were in gangs he literally said gangsters.

Which means he probably got into school fight, street fights, and substance use.

Because that’s what teenagers do in those social groups.

Crimes canonically mentioned that Leo committed:

• truancy; this is when so, and skip school so much that it becomes legal issue.

Ask yourself in United States, with xenophobia and racism, if a Latino 11 to 14 year old boy, who doesn’t have parental supervision is skipping school. What do you think he’s doing?

It’s only mentioned that he committed truancy, which isn’t it hard crime but knowing reality, it’s very probable that Leo has experimented within this timeframe within running away and being arrested for truancy he also committed underage use of substances.

So let’s take a break from the crime dive. Because I’m pretty sure for the rest of Leo’s appearances in the universe it’s not hinted out or mentioned anymore. I think that’s all I have to say, but I might revisit this later.

This is the first inkling of anorexia:

As I mentioned in the beginning of this post anorexia can manifest at any point of someone’s life for a multitude of reasons.

It is usually during development either late childhood to any point in adolescence.

Although it can form adulthood, it’s more common for it to start in developmental stages.

Anorexia is a cycle and for whatever reason you start starving yourself this little bit and then you lose your appetite and your stomach shrinks and you feel less hunger so you eat less and then you struggle to eat a healthy amount.

You may be thinking there’s no way Leo is anorexic because he is self-conscious of how skinny he is.

True.

But I don’t think him himself because he wants to be skinny. I think he does it for one of two reasons and maybe it’s a mix of both maybe they’re both correct or maybe it’s just just one I don’t know.

1- control.

2- punishment.

In chapter 5, we have a chapter from the point of view of Leos for the very first time, and this is when we first learned about how Leo’s mom died he died tragically in the housefire that he started, and even as a 15 year-old, he blames himself, and he sees himself as the person responsible for his mother’s death.

His mother died when he was eight years old obvious this is going to have severe psychological trauma on him, I believe that Leo stopped eating.

Maybe at first he just didn’t wanna eat anything because he was in grief and he couldn’t eat, maybe it was because he didn’t eat his mom didn’t cook Mexican culture love cooking and he just lost the person. He loved the most in life and he couldn’t imagine eating.

But I think he stopped eating as a way to punish himself for killing his mother, and then it spiraled and snowball and got out of control to the point where he’s severely underweight as a fifteen year old.

As for control, we know that he didn’t have control over where he lived, or who took care of him or what school he went too.

His life was flipped upside down as it went into the foster system and he felt powerless. He felt like he had no control and one way of his for dealing with that was running away, but I also feel like he just wouldn’t eat because if maybe if he could control his weight and he can control what he eats then at least he had control over one thing in his life. He didn’t have control over anything else, but at least he had control over what he ate and then that’s snow bolt into the point he got underweight as a teenager.

It’s one of these reasons or a mix of both of these reasons.

I think Leo is somewhat muscular.

He’s always lift up heavy pieces of metal he uses hammers. He knows how to forage. This requires a lot of muscle mass in the arm and abdomen at least but I feel like the reason he gives the scrawny description is because he doesn’t eat enough.

Even at the end of the war with the Giants, eat enough and he was just like oh he doesn’t work out then he would have a lot more muscle mass and he would not be seen as scrawny as we seen with Percy was seen as little kid in the beginning and now he’s very physically muscular because of the war he went through, but that didn’t happen with Leo because I think he’s already muscular. He just never eats therefore he’s not healthy looking.

Chapter 30, Yet another example of Leo allowing himself to be put at the risk of death without hesitation.

Man for Jason to take Piper and fly away from Festus as the dragon Falls, Leo would stay on his dragon and try to fix it. Then he said he couldn’t fix it he would die.

The first time I read this I didn’t think much of it didn’t even remember this thing happened because it seems like just natural reaction to trying to save the ship sacrifice yourself, knowing how the giant war ends and he did kill himself. I think it’s a reasonable assumption that just does not have enough regards for personal safety and probably not taking care of himself.

During the lost hero indicated that part of the reason how Piper Leo invasion survive the quest was that whenever they were hungry, Leo would cook for them.

But did anyone other than me notice that hyper had to ask for Leo to cook every single single time because he never remembered he was never hungry and he would only eat if they were hungry if they told him they were hungry and asked him to cook.

I didn’t find the scene again because I was only reading chapters in Leo’s point of view, but I think it’s in Pipers and this for me the first time I read it was like the first indication that Leo doesn’t have a healthy relationship with food.

Mark of Athena.

The very first time Leo met Hazel first thing he noticed was that she paid a lot of attention to him. And he didn’t like it you can argue that this is because he was so used to not be center of attention, but we all know that Leo craves attention so that wouldn’t make sense. He says that the reason he feels uncomfortable is that she was staring at him through looking at his body, and it made him feel self-conscious.

House of Hades

“ you haven’t eaten in a few days.” Calypso told Leo. And Leo didn’t even notice.

Wikipedia Page.

I read the entire page. Yes. The whole thing.

I never do that.

But I wanted to see if there was any other extra evidence for my theory.

In the early life section there’s a paragraph about the day of the dead, where Leo’s aunt and his cousin who would bully him went to the cemetery. To clean their relatives graves and bring offerings.

I found this quote “Rosa would force him to stay for the picnic, as if eating with dead people would fix his appetite.”

So his family was aware he wasn’t eating.

“Leo woke up in an ambulance, and the paramedic was kind to him, saying that the warehouse had burned down and his mom hadn't made it out. Leo felt hollow, and realized he had lost control like his mom had warned him about.“

This supports my theory that Leo feels a lack of control in his life, which is why he’d result to controlling his food intake.

“He thought her death was his fault” this quote supports my second theory of what triggered his anorexia. Self punishment. In his very core. He believes he was responsible for the person he loved most in life being dead.

“The police wondered what kind of child would've started a fire. His neighbors in the apartment complex gossiped about him, saying they always knew something was wrong with him.” So already at 8 years old he called the attention of the cops and his community as dangerous. And once you’re labeled as dangerous, and dark skinned… there’s only a matter of time until you do and up being caught in the wrong groups.

Something we know from the books, at Leo’s mention of gangs and a school for delinquents… he did exactly that.

“He even had an abusive foster mom, Teresa.” Another common trigger for eating disordered behavior, abusive parental figures. Usually parental figures can say very nasty comments about the child’s body psychologically parents tend to reflect their insecurities and their life and their body onto the bodies of their children. This is very common with biological kids, but I assume it could be possible for a foster child as well.

Your abusive foster parent also means he probably had a strong distrust between him and the foster mom.

Meaning, if he was caught up in a gang while living with her, you would not tell her he could not confide in her.

Having an Abusive mother figure, hold onto the money issues he had from his mother dying. This strongly explains why he stayed in a relationship with fucking calypso!!!

That woman treated him like every second of the relationship and he was fine with it because she was an older woman, and he was treated like shit by women.

Side tangent that does not have to do with anorexia or his crime history.

Did anyone else notice how every single girl Leo’s tempo was much older than him in the entire books series?

• Hazel

• the ice goddess

• calypso

• Thalia

Two out of four of those were mean to him!! Yes mommy issues really bad mommy issues that turned into a mommy kink. He even calls Calypso Mamacita!!!

And he will stay in an abusive relationship as long as he has an older woman who he is as attractive and more dominant

Another paragraph I found was full of little nuggets I found:

“Maenads from Demigod Diaries, indicating that Leo is quite good-looking despite not finding himself attractive” so just further proof that Leo is a pretty boy but has dysmorphia and low self esteem. “Leo has been called 'cute in a scrawny way' by nymphs”

“a diminutive stature with a slim and relatively scrawny build.” Of course we all remember Leo is skinny, hell that’s what this whole theory is about. But I want to point out the word Relatively. Which reminds me of my assumption that since Leo works with heavy metal he has muscle definition but not enough body fat, making him skinny.

“Leo wears a pair of Georgina's overalls during her absence, so they are probably around the same size.”

Oh that probably doesn’t seem like a big deal to you— GEORGINA IS AN EIGHT YEAF OLD LITTLE GIRL AND HE IS A SIXTEEN YEAF OLD BOY!!!!

They should not be the same size!!!!

“He is said to be sensitive about his size and occasionally makes self-deprecating jokes about it.” Dysmorphia, I’ve been telling you guys over and over! He has dysmorphia.

“Superhuman Strength : Being a demigod, Leo is stronger than a regular mortal. However, Leo has many times labeled himself as weak because of his small stature, and is definitely the weakest male demigod of the Seven, indicating that Leo is pretty weak for a demigod. Leo also is extremely skinny and short and doesn't look very strong. However, Leo has been shown to be quite a bit stronger than he looks as he used two silver-tipped blacksmith hammers to smash full-grown monsters that got in his way”

So even though logic would suggest the opposite Leo always thinks of himself, of his body negatively.

There’s so many other examples but I’m tired.

[glubsurleseuil]

Don't be scared - Chapter 2

A Pennywise X F!Reader fanfic. First - Next

Chapter warnings: Violence, blood, discreet mention of a desire to die. It's just the beginning, it's about to get worse.

(Note: It was translated by Deepl, English is not my mother tongue, so I apologise for any mistakes. If you want to correct me, don't hesitate!)

(Note 2: I found the gif at @pennydaddywise)

(Note 3: The "lyrics" of the song are actually quotes from Mr Stephen King.)

It was a difficult night. First, when you arrived home, your body's first reflex was to throw up in the toilet. Then your brain's reflex was to search your apartment from top to bottom to make sure no one was home. Then, finally, you curled up in a ball on your bed, scared out of your wits, unable to sleep. Every minute, you checked your phone, not wanting to believe that the clown's damn message had disappeared. You'd searched your whole phone but couldn't find it. And you hated for most of the night the incredible capacity of the human survival instinct to try and make you believe that all these strange and terrifying events never really happened. Finally, you fell asleep convinced that no, you're not crazy.

Of course, like every night for some time, you had a dream. But not the same one this time. This one was just as hazy and incomprehensible, but less terrifying, and you woke up more peacefully. It made you remember the clown's message: Don't be scared... You laughed nervously, shivers running through your body just thinking about your adventure the day before.

The day had gone by too fast for your liking, and you'd been unable to concentrate on anything, that damn clown haunting your mind at every turn. Then it was finally time for work.

It was a quiet evening, without too many customers. These evenings are often pleasant to spend, but this evening in particular, you could take advantage of it and go home early. The very idea of not seeing the sun when you leave the bar terrifies you.

"Are you sure? There's no one on stage tonight. You can sing if you want."

Your boss suggests you go on stage when there's no one there. You love these moments. Singing and playing on stage is the only time you feel your life isn't miserable. But singing tonight means coming home later, when it's dark... Fuck.

You can't refuse. These moments are too rare. You get up on stage and take advantage of this moment to forget everything, your rotten life, the sadness, the anguish... The clown...

Monsters are real, And ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.

Your voice trembles slightly and you close your eyes to concentrate.

God is cruel. Sometimes he makes you live. The devil's voice is sweet to hear.

At the end of your song, the few remaining customers applaud. You hate that noise. It reminds you of harsh reality.

Finally, the bar closes and you leave through the back door. The cool silence of the night reminds you of the horrors of life and you look down the dark, empty alley. The lights are still malfunctioning, and there's a large section of the alleyway plunged into darkness. Obviously...

You reassure yourself that you don't have to go into the forest this time. Phone in hand, you make your way down the alley, lighting every nook and cranny, and you're soon relieved to see that there's nothing and no one there.

You move forward, a little more reassured, towards the exit, towards the light. And as you put your phone back in your bag, something touches your back. It's light and it bounces against you. You turn around slowly, cautiously, holding your breath...

A balloon? A balloon. Red, floating in the middle of the path, alone. The first thing it brings to mind is your dream from last night. Yes, there was a red balloon in it, which you grabbed and flew high into the sky...

Looking at it more closely, you see a piece of paper hanging from its string, wriggling like a hanged man. You untie it and unfold it. On it, in ink as red as blood, a message.

DON'T BE SCARED

You swallow your saliva as thick as sand and your whole body shakes with tremors, preparing to run. But as you turn to leave the alley, two gloved hands grab you, one by the nape of the neck, pulling your hair as you go, the other by the mouth, pressing down hard enough that you can't scream. And you find yourself facing those predatory golden eyes, one of whose pupils squints outwards. A multitude of gleaming, pointed teeth, dripping with slime, smiles at you, just inches from your face.

Faced with such an apparition, your first instinct is to punch the face you recognize as the clown's, but you instantly regret it. True, the grip of his hands has loosened, but you note with horror that his features have deformed where you struck him, his uneven teeth protruding from his mouth in an excruciatingly inhuman way. Blood is dripping from his lip... floating upwards would be more accurate.

You push him back hard and turn to flee, knowing full well it's no use. He grabs you by the arm and pushes you violently back against the alley wall. You grit your teeth as you feel your back and the back of your skull crash against the hard surface. With one hand, he grips your neck and lifts you to his full height. No matter how hard you pull on his arm, you're unable to free yourself and breathing becomes difficult. The clown brings his face close to yours like an enraged predator.

"I said... don't be scared!!!"

He finishes his sentence by slamming you back against the wall. You close your eyes in pain, your head begins to spin and you no longer feel strong enough to push him away. All you can do is watch him rage at you, hoping it's just another nightmare.

"You don't want to live, I know it! Then why are you afraid? Stupid, ridiculous humans... This fear... So beautiful, so appetizing. How am I supposed to resist this?!"

The clown hits you once more, more brutally. This is too much. As your arms fall unconscious to your sides, you faint under his fingers and everything goes black. The last thing you hear is the clown swearing to himself.

When you open your eyes, you're unable to understand where you are. An old-fashioned smell of mildew assails your nostrils and you see dust flying in the dim light of the room. You realize you're lying on something soft, covered. Probably a mattress on the floor. Soon, the pain in the back of your skull reawakens. You run your hand through your hair to find dried blood tangled in your locks.

You sit up abruptly, the events before you fainted coming back to you in an unbearable headache, and a question forces you to hold your breath. What else has this clown... this thing... done to you? Trembling, your hand raises the old grey blanket over your legs and you begin to inspect yourself... Nothing. At first glance, anyway. Everything suggests that he's just put you down there, nothing more. You breathe again.

Your gaze finally settles around you: you find yourself in an empty room, apart from the mattress you're lying on. The light is diffused, so unnatural that you want to define it as dark, even if that doesn't make sense. The windows are so dirty that you can't tell if it's still night. You have no idea what time it is or how long it's been since the clown attack.

You suddenly see your shoes tossed haphazardly around the room, as well as your bag. That's all it takes for you to rush out of the mattress and rummage through it, your phone being your goal. But you panic when you realize it's buggy. It doesn't look particularly broken though, it simply refuses to work, the screen displaying bizarre glitches and... The message the clown marked last time, in the forest. You throw your phone to the ground in anguished annoyance.

Close your eyes. Inhale. exhale. You've got to get out of here. A hint of determination returning, you pick up your phone, your bag and put on your shoes. Passing as quietly as possible through the first doors you come to, you arrive in a corridor with a staircase leading down a few meters from you. You descend carefully, the steps creaking beneath your feet. But there's no sign of the clown, and the door opposite the steps seems to be the entrance door. You suddenly have the foolish hope of getting out of here without any trouble.

You approach slowly, your hand sliding noiselessly over the handle of the closed door. You turn it slowly... but nothing happens. You pull, you push, quietly at first, then louder and louder, suddenly panic-stricken. But nothing happens. The door doesn't move. It doesn't move at all. As if it were an optical illusion painted on the wall. A groan of despair escapes and you hold back your tears. Inhale. Exhale. All is not lost, there are always the windows.

They're as dirty and dimly lit as those upstairs, plunging the house into an atmosphere of eternal twilight. Some are boarded up, but not all. In a room that looks like a living room, you work hard on one of them, but get the same result as with the door. In a fit of anger, you end up banging on what's supposed to be the glass, even throwing a stool lying around, in vain.

A few seconds pass before a cry of rage comes from your mouth. And you knew that all the noise you'd made would attract the clown. A weak but piercing laugh pushes you to turn towards the entrance to the room. There he is, leaning against the wall, mocking you without the slightest hint of embarrassment.

"Silly, silly little human. Thinking you can escape from my house. So stupid, so angry..."

He pauses, and you can see his mocking smile break down, giving way to annoyance, his features turning stern.

"...So scared... again..."

You step back as he moves closer to you. You'd have thought his eyes were blue a second ago... You quickly bend down to grab the stool you threw at the window, tossing it at the clown to distract him and get around him, running towards the living room exit. You already knew it wouldn't work and you're not surprised to feel him propel you to the floor. He barely gives you time to turn around before pinning you down on your back. Your eyes see his face blurred by tears, while you feel warm drool running down your shirt. Above you, the clown shakes frantically, as if arguing with himself about what to do with you.

"Fear... so delicious... Maybe I should... eat you.... No! Or maybe... just a little...?"

He shakes his head like an animal shredding a piece of meat, and the comparison terrifies you.

"No. No! You are..."

His gloved hand caresses your face with a gentleness that makes you sob. Your eyes close tightly, as if that's enough to make you forget everything that's going on.

"...perfect. I need you."

You feel the clown's breath coming closer and your eyes reopen in panic. You can see his lips curling over his sharp teeth, many more of them. Your brain refuses to believe what it's seeing and you start laughing nervously.

"Don't. Be. Scared."

It's an order and he emphasizes it by snapping his teeth together in a jaw-clenching sound that echoes in your head. At this point, he lets go and walks away, leaving you alone on the floor with your migraine, covered in drool. All you hear is the echo of your own delirious laughter, resonating in your eardrums as if it belonged to someone else. 

[luvtonique]

I wanted to address all of the controversies about me and put some explanations on them because unfortunately we live in a day and age where people just see the dirt without ever wondering how the dirt got there. They think "Man that guy never washes his car look how filthy it is" because I just fuckin went offroading 10 minutes ago but they didn't know that.

Aight let's start with numero uno, the thing I'm called the most, the big word for good ol Jay: Transphobe!

This is the one with the most hilarious backstory of them all which to this day baffles my goddamn mind.

I used to be a hated artist because I drew violent shit, I was known for Lil Miss Rarity which is a super violent comic. Naturally this lead to people saying that I was "killing children" because I was drawing violent (and sometimes pornographic) images of a children's cartoon show (My Little Pony).

So in my quick rise to stardom, I had a lot of hateful people attacking me as well, and I had fun with it. I called them out, called them stupid, etc.

Well, one of them was Dumbo. Dumbo spent 6 full months making posts about me that are still on their blog to this day. Every single time I made a post, they reblogged it or reposted it, to call me a shithead, call me an ass hole, wish I'd kill myself, etc.

One day I was doing a fundraiser to put away money for a potential emergency because my mom had hurt her spine really bad and was in the hospital. I had a goal of $300 and raised $1200.

Dumbo, of course, was saying hateful shit about me still, and said, I quote, "I hope that whore dies in the hospital lmao"

So, I looked into who Dumbo was. The Brony fandom was, at the time, all about Love and Tolerance, so I did some sleuthing and found out they were an artist on DeviantART taking full color commissions for $10. I commissioned them on my DA account, and asked them to draw Lil Miss Rarity. They and I had a very polite conversation, and since they drew the picture very quickly I tipped them 100% and told them to up their prices because their art is very good.

They thanked me, not knowing it was me (despite that it was literally my main account), and I walked away.

Then, they checked my gallery, found out it was me, and went into a rage, making a post that says, "LMFAO, Jay just begged for money and then turned around and used it to commission an artist for double their asking price, what a shithead!!"

So, I took the screencaps of all of their death threats over 6 months, compiled them all, and showed my massive Tumblr following in a huge callout post against them. In the middle, I referred to Dumbo as "he/she/it/clown" and everyone (AND I FUCKING MEAN EVERYONE) completely ignored the 6 months of death threats and how consistently polite I was to them, and sided with Dumbo in a moment that labeled me "Transphobic" for the rest of my life.

Another instance is I called Kris from Deltarune he/she, and was called transphobic for that, and got the amazing quote "That's a real-ass child and you're misgendering them deliberately," to which I replied, "That's not a real-ass child that's a fictional character you fucking retard"

NEXT UP: ABLEIST.

I grew up in Los Angeles in special ed classes and have a mentally retarded brother, I have the pass to say retard, fuck off.

NEXT UP: RACIST.

I grew up in Los Angeles with a father who called himself "N*gger Bob" (he's white) because he was a super racist who believed being asked to help take the trash out was "akin to slavery." He also beat my retarded brother half to death for having a black girlfriend.

I was in LA during the Rodney King riots, I was in LA right in the middle of the Crips and Bloods trying to kill each other and having fuckloads of gang shootouts that I overheard when I was chilling in the Ceritos (spelling) mall.

I know what racism looks like.

A white boy saying the n-word while playing Fortnite is not what racism looks like.

A white boy singing along with Busta Rhymes (hi that's me) on a livestream and casually dropping n-bombs because I'M SINGING ALONG WITH BUSTA, BITCH, is not what racism looks like. I had three black friends growing up, Davion, Julian and Smalls, and also Undrier but Undrier was retarded and I didn't consider him a friend he just followed me around and called me "Day" because he couldn't pronounce J's. But me, Smalls and Davion would stand on Davion's aunt's porch and eat zucchini cornbread and listen to Woo Haw and headbang and sing along til the fucking cows came home.

But now that I'm grown up, my upbringing apparently doesn't matter, my FUCKING SKIN COLOR DOES (you know, racist ideology!) and I'm no longer allowed to say the n-word despite having casually spent my entire childhood surrounded by black friends who were completely okay with me saying it. I grew up in the hood, motherfucker! Bellflower born n' raised, bitch! Wes' Side!

But I'm <skin color> and since <skin color> isn't allowed to <thing that's designated for only other skin color to do>, I'm racist.

NEXT UP: PEDOPHIIIIIILE

I was molested when I was 13, which thankfully didn't leave too much emotional scarring on me. Anthony Sevarino, the dude's name was, and he shoved my hand in his pants and showed me his dick during a camping trip and said he was gonna fuck me in my bed. I was so shocked by this happening that I didn't even tell my parents who were in the same motorhome literally asleep 10 feet from me.

Growing up, I always had a really emotional trigger to seeing harm come to children, I hate it. I cry and shake uncontrollably when I see children getting hurt, no matter what. It's the only thing I have I'd call a "trigger."

I saw that episode of Rugrats where Tommy cuts his finger and then he's scared to do anything anymore because he might get hurt, and that made me fucking bawl, it still does, seeing Tommy cry super fucking hard over seeing his finger bleed- holy shit it's making me teary eyed right now just typing that.

So, naturally, I don't want children to get hurt and am extremely against pedophilia, child predatory behavior, MAPs, grooming and these FUCKING PEOPLE WHO KEEP CASUALLY TALKING TO 13 YEAR OLDS ON DISCORD FOR FUCK SAKE.

"But Jay! You drew foalcon! Those fictional ponies are underaged!"

What, you mean that tag that's still extremely popular and always has been in the brony fandom?

Yeah can't imagine why I, a very popular artist in the brony fandom from 12 years ago to 10 years ago, would ever draw something so insanely high demand and so insanely popular. Can't fucking imagine.

Never mind that I haven't drawn it in 3 years, removed all my old images of it, and even announced I'm not drawing that shit anymore, I'm still losing friends when they find out I did once, because "I can't associate with a pedophile I'm sorry." (See: "I can't differentiate fiction from reality and also can't allow a person to move on from a troubled past that they had.")

Also never mind that the few crowdpleaser foalcon moments in Lil Miss Rarity were officially written out entirely (the part where Twist and Sweetie Belle kissed).

But you know what's amazing? Being part of the brony fandom and being an artist willing to draw anything meant that people would come to me and literally confess that they're in possession of the "real shit" and wanted to know if I was interested. Seven of them, seven, are in prison now because of me and my buddy "Z" contacting the FBI with their confessions and the shit they shared with me thinking that I was a "safe person" to admit that shit to.

My position in the fandom as an artist who gets to know their commissioners personally and was willing to draw that type of shit was literally fishing out real actual predators and putting them in prison, but I was still getting called a pedophile, and still get called it today. It's fuckin great man.

NEXT UP: TRANSPHOBE (PART 2)

I was trans. Shaved my hair half off, dyed it blue, called myself Jynkx, cussed out my family, moved to Ohio with a guy who wore diapers around the house (with his brother living there) and collected loli figurines, and dated a transgirl who was catfishing and manipulating me for 9 fucking years. I have a Discord server to this day with pronoun selection roles, my best friend is trans (I met her when she was cis and helped her come to the decision to transition and it has since improved her life and happiness), and almost every mod in my Discord server is trans.

The problem, of course, is that the trans activist community hates itself more than any other, which makes perfect sense if you think about it. This is a group of people who encourage hating cisgendered people, and encourage people to hate the body they're in and to transition to a "different body." It's been proven multiple sources that there are entire "Femboy Cults" (search that on YouTube) who are actively seeking out depressed people to manipulate them into starting HRT, and cutting off their family.

WELL GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

Bridget, as you all remember her, was a manipulator who lied to me for 9 years of dating to make me depressed, hate myself, hate my family, give her thousands of dollars, and kept promising we'd meet some day while turning down every opportunity (such as conventions we were both already going to) to meet (yes, I went to conventions she was at and didn't meet her).

I was a victim of manipulation, was surrounded by horribly manipulative and narcissistic pieces of shit who warped my mind and made me believe I was depressed because I was "an egg" and needed to go get on HRT and change myself. And I almost did! I came within a hair's reach of shoving a hormone-altering drug into myself in hopes it would cure my depression, and then went "Wait a second, I'm not depressed because I'm a woman trapped in a man's body, I'm depressed because femboy-obsessed manipulative pervert rapists want me to turn myself into their fetish." I broke up with Bridget, I moved home from Ohio, I waited for my hair to stop being blue, and I became proud of myself for escaping that horrible situation and bettering myself mentally.

So how's this make me a transphobe?

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, YOU FUCKING TELL ME YOU FUCKING INSANE BOOGEYMAN-BELIEVING ASSHOLES WHO BLAME EVERY OTHER PERSON FOR YOUR OWN INTERNAL LACK OF FUCKING SELF WORTH.

WAKE THE FUCK UP. YOU'VE BEEN MANIPULATED BY THESE FUCKING TRANS ACTIVISTS WHO ARE JUST SICK FETISHISTS WHO WANT TO TRANSFORM LONELY MEN INTO "FEMBOYS" UNDER FALSE PROMISES THAT IT WILL FIX THEIR MENTAL PROBLEMS. GET OUT WHILE YOU FUCKING CAN. I DID AND I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER IN MY LIFE.

Next up: HOMOPHOBE

I draw LGD (Lesbians Getting Dicked) because I think it's hot when girls who like girls have sex with guys. I've drawn some pretty offensive pictures of it such as a pic of two lesbians being told "Pride month's over, ladies, time to be straight again" while being surrounded by hard dicks and looking scared.

Why'd I do this? Well because a lesbian friend of mine also likes that shit and we did that as an art trade.

But why do I draw it on my own sometimes? Because it's hot. It's fucking fictional porn, it's not real, it can't hurt you. I tag it LGD and only post it in servers you need accounts to see. You don't like it stop going out of your way to look at it, and if someone slams it in your face in your private "We Hate Jay" Discord server (which there are many of. I have moles who tell me.), that's not my fault y'fuckin dipshits. I properly tag and hide my stuff so only people who want to see it can see it. If someone showed you a picture of my spread asshole, you should get mad at them, not me. They're the one who SAVED IT TO THEIR COMPUTER AND SHOWED IT TO THEIR FRIENDS UNSOLICITED, YOU MORONS.

Anyway.

Next up: AN ASS HOLE.

I've spent 13 years being called all of the above names no matter how much I've catered to their activism and was even part of their activist movements directly. Fuck you.

Next up: A NAZI

Lmao.

I said on Twitter, "I hate that no matter what you say on this site, someone somewhere will get mad."

And that, without any further comment from me literally at all, turned into a massive amount of people including "Wootmaster" (Added note: I talked with Woot in private and he gave me the okay and apologized, we cool) calling me racist and a "Bootlicking Nazi." I literally did not add to it. I literally just said the opening line and left it for 3 days.

That's why I deleted my Twitter.

That's why people think I'm a Nazi.

Because I said "I hate that no matter what you say on this site, someone somewhere will get mad."

Next up: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW I BET THERE'S MORE.

You see why I make angry rant posts like this one?

Because this is how I've been treated for 13 fucking years.

I've been attacked, called names, labeled evil, told I'm phobic against the movements I was literally part of and being an activist for, had money stolen from me by perverts who got arrested for drilling a hole in the bathroom wall at a brony convention to jack off to his female roommates (he pretended to be trans and bullied them into letting him room with them in their "Safe Women's Hotel Room" and then did that shit and got arrested. But not before he stole money from me! Six thousand fucking dollars!), lived with a fucking probably actual child predator who would show me his loli figures and foalcon posters every day and try to convince me to like them and showed me his dick multiple times...

I literally was smack dab in the middle of super ultra liberal activism and trans activism for over a goddamn decade, right down to blue hair half shaved off and calling myself Jynkx.

And I come back, snap out of it, and get cussed out and called transphobic and "the reason trans people are being killed" because I don't like the flowery 1-dimensional LGBT representation in World of Warcraft and have a 9 year running best friend I went to multiple conventions with decide instantly that I'm a Nazi racist communist because I didn't disown my mother when she voted for the orange guy, and because I called one of their friends "Insane" for identifying as fae/fie and thinking they're a goddamn gaelic woodland sprite. (Btw he was my most frequent commissioner for loli shit and used to jack off while I was drawing it for him.)

You see, people.

I've spent 13 years surrounding myself with and getting personally connected with the lives of my commissioners as a brony/furry artist who was deep into LGBT and Liberal activism.

And in those 13 years I've come to realize that I surrounded myself with the most fucking disgusting and evil people on earth, who no matter how much I would shill for them and do what they asked, I would still be the label-covered punching bag whose reputation is now so utterly in the trash that literally no matter what I draw, say, or do today, I still have people on shady Discord servers n' shit calling me a fucking lolcow and a pedo and a transphobe and a Nazi and a racist and a homophobe and an ass hole.

I have learned in 13 goddamn years that you can't appease these fucking lunatic psychopaths.

And so I don't anymore.

So who am I really?

I'm an incredibly easy to talk to artist, I'm a dude, I love roleplaying and drawing pictures for people, I like writing song lyrics, I love hearing about new inventions and innovations, I love goats, I love dogs, I think cats make bad pets but I don't mind cats, I'm making a video game about an elf girl, and I want you hateful people who I've lived rent-free in the heads of for over a goddamn decade to leave me and my fanbase the fuck alone.

Love you all.

~Jay

[demon-ness]

In fact, Masquerade is the most interesting and well-made character in this anime. The problem is that the authors of this anime don't know about it. I'm not going to talk about it in detail today (believe me, I can analyze any of his quotes for an hour, and it's not even a joke). Just small details.

Episode 44. "Just this one time." Funny line, isn't it? Masquerade jokes in his own way, telling Dan that even now they are not friends. Dan was lucky today, but it won't happen again. It was a joke. It was funny for both of them. But do you remember that this was the Last Battle for Masquerade? And the fact that he was definitely aware of it? Have you ever thought in general that this whole battle is suicide? Have you ever thought that in a joking manner this guy confessed to Dan that he was going to die today? I understand that this is obvious. But I'm surprised by the fact that it's in a children's show.

The first meeting of Masquerade and Dan. We will not discuss the battle itself now, we are concerned about the "dialogue" after its end. Everything Masquerade says may seem completely meaningless at first glance. But if you think about it… the Death Note did not even dream of such a level of manipulation. "I could have taken Drago, but I felt sorry for you." Of course, he couldn't. The rules work differently. In such a situation, he basically couldn't do anything at all. But Dan DIDN'T KNOW that. I'm sure Masquerade just said that to piss Dan off. I wouldn't like it either if my opponent (whom I was going to defeat without any problems) took PITY on me. Masquerade then tells Dan a little bit about the real state of affairs and the significance of the fights. And then he adds, "To save the world, YOU have to defeat ME." And this, again, makes no sense if taken literally. Masquerade is just a pawn of Naga, defeating him will not save the world. But Dan DOESN'T KNOW about it. So Masquerade gently guides Dan along the path he needs. Indeed, from that moment on, Dan devoted all his time to strengthening Drago for the final battle. Without even realizing that he's actually just cooking the perfect dinner for a Hydranoid. Simply put, what you might consider the senseless pretentious nonsense of a "very cool and mysterious" clown was actually quite an effective way to fool Dan. And you, to be honest.

I can't help but notice that in the trio of main villains of the first season, Masquerade is the most human-like. Not only externally, of course. What makes him a REAL PERSON, what his colleagues don't have… he fucks up a hell of a lot. Seriously, watch all the episodes with his appearance. In at least half of these episodes, something will not go according to his plan. You will very often see him staring at others in surprise, not understanding what nonsense they are doing and saying. He is almost scared when Shun ALMOST hits him in the face. During the battle with Joe, he is already preparing to pose victoriously when everything starts to collapse. And he's just upset. Yes, globally, in fact, everything was going ABSOLUTELY according to his plan until Dan returned from DD. But if you pay attention to the details? He almost always doesn't know what's going on and just tries to adapt. Because, you know, he has little life experience.

It's very difficult for me to talk about Masquerade without the context of his entire character development arc. Keeping the main points in mind, you will easily notice how every tiny detail makes sense. Almost emotionless behavior for most of the season, sometimes illogical actions, a nervous breakdown and a crack on the glass left after episode 38�� Everything makes sense. Especially if you remember that we are talking about a not-quite-human character.

We'll talk about it again, if that's our fate.

[blitzsicedcoffee]

More HB Incorrect Quotes to distract from the

~Thoughts~:

Blitz: Stolas I'm here to save you!

Stolas: *sips tea* hmm?

Andrealphus: and then I told her-she could stick it up her arse!

Stolas: ohhhh hehehehehe

Blitz:.....wtf is this

Stolas: oh blitz hi! Andre was just telling me what he told Stella when she asked him to help her with the divorce. Turns out we have more in common than we thought.

Blitz:.....I don't think I love you anymore

Stolas: you loved me 🥺

-----------

Blitz: and then I told Fizz, 'hey, stop clowning around ya doofus and help me with my boy problems!' haha....ha....

Moxxie: 😑 sir I just asked how your weekend was. I'm never asking again.

------------

Blitz: Where's your sense of empathy?

Loona: with your mom.

Blitz: mine did die with her 😭

Loona: wtf ..

------------

Blitz: *takes blindfold off Stolas* voila!

Stolas: 😧

*all of his pots are broken and the plants are shoved in a corner of the garden*

Blitz: I made us an outdoor seating area with a fire pit! *Points proudly*

Stolas: *eye twitches* it's ....wonderful....dear.....

-------------

Blitz: Get ready for a life on the run, gang!

Millie: IVE BEEN TRAINING FOR THIS! *Runs off*

Blitz: where...where the fuck is she going?

Moxxie: I have no idea.

-------------

Blitz: *walks up to the secretary desk and gives Stolas a sultry smile* are you...behaving...employee?

Stolas: I believe so. I've organized all your paperwork and called everyone back and rescheduled the hits for tomorrow.

Blitz: fuckin...that's....that's great 😑 good job.

Stolas: 😊

--------------

Moxxie: *barges in Blitz's office* Blitz, Stolas moved all my paperwork!

Stolas: *leans sexily against the doorframe* blitzzyyy Moxxie is just being so unfair....

Blitz: 😳 get over it Moxx.

Moxxie: but sir!

Blitz: I said get over it! 😤

[mieczyhale]

this was so fun!! much thanks to @its-tortle for the tag (as i get to this ages late lmao)

- - - - - - - - - -

RULES: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (Skip if there aren’t any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!)

1. First off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence?

I love everything, fire's spreading all around my room, my world's so bright, it's hard to breathe but that's alright "cradles" - sub urban

2. What kind of [insert my super secret zodiac sign] are you?

You've got to make a choice if the music drowns you out, and raise your voice every single time they try and shut your mouth "sing" - my chemical romance

3. You’re visiting your favorite spot, what are you thinking about?

Can you feel it? I gotta live with it everyday, I can't take the pressure, I'm going insane "bad religion" - godsmack

4. If your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it?

They say"freak" when you're singled out, the red, well it filters through "red" - chevelle

5. Say you get a book deal, what are you titling your memoir?

Take or leave who I am 'cause this is me, like a fish out of water, do I belong here? "pride" - american authors

6. What would you say about your best friends?

Speak to me when all you got to keep is strong, move along, move along like I know you do "move along" - the all-american rejects

7. Think back to when you had everything all figured out in high school, what was your life motto as a teenager?

I just wanted you to tell me the truth, you know I'd do that for you "running away" - hoobastank

8. Describe your aesthetic now:

I won't give up so don't give in, you've fallen down but you will rise again "a reason to fight" - disturbed

9. What’s a lyric that they’ll quote in your eulogy?

I bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold, but that cycle ends right now, 'cause you can't lead me down that road "mean" - taylor swift

10. And for our final question, say we believe in soulmates, what do you think their first impression of meeting you will be?

Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you "stuck in the middle" - stealers wheel

tagging:: @deanspillowprincess @penguinsandpanthers @ketterdam-snack-bar @octoberconstellation @starkund-schon and whoever else wants to do it :3

[djevelbl]

I sat for a second staring into my phone and pondering the blorbos bc of a shitpost and huh. Branzy really IS very much 2econd 2ight 2eer (that was fun, goodbye.) by Will Wood coded isn't he??? like, most if not ALL of the song is SO him that it's INSANE. this only happened once before to me and the previous guy can't be my blorbo anymore bc of.... reasons, so I'm happy to have another silly little guy replace him in being SO coded after one of my favorite Deranged Songs /vpos

Ramble up ahead btw, read at your own risk

you KNOW the ramble is getting serious when I do the weird Tumblr Post Partition Thing AND went from writing it on the phone to WRITING IT ON THE PC (any lengthy post I write EXCLUSIVELY on the pc bc it's more fun and comfy for me lol)

The only line I can't in good faith say I relate 100% back to Branzy is LITERALY the second one, which is a bummer lmao — "Screaming at the top of my lungs in the confession booth" but like. I'm throwing it out there for any other, more veteran Branzy fans to go rabid over as I have and maybe even also discover how it could be Branzy-ified bc I truly believe the WHOLE SONG can be Branzy-ified lol

SO ANYWAYS. MORE SONG LYRICS !!!!!

I specifically came to this whole thing bc of the fourth line in the song, "The devil made me do it, but I also kinda wanted to" bc YES??? THAT'S SOOO BRANZY CODED?????? like the amount of fucked up shit /aff he's done in his videos is INSANE I mean he DID make a video where the WHOLE. PREMISE was breaking 100 irl laws in the Afterhours SMP lmaooo also I'm kinda tempted to break out the fuckin LYRIC MEANINGS for this as well — hmmmm...

fuck it, we live only once and life is too fucking short/shitty to have hangups over going insane about our little guys

So yea, fourth line is all about temptation, choices and a careless sentiment as one takes full responsibility for their actions — the Devil might've offered you riches, love, security in exchage for someone's head, but ultimately you're the one who takes that step forwards to answer the siren's call; Will Wood sings here about temptation and how, at the end of the day, you're the one acting upon that temptation, how that's a thing only you can be responsible for, and how he himself doesn't care much for the guilt the word "sin" carries with it; "we'll live the way we want, and we don't care if it's considered 'sin.'" — MarsAndTheGreatExpanse on the lyric explanation in Genius (yes, Imma be quoting some of these people. yes, I'm taking it THAT seriously). All of this is very much like Branzy to do: the most recent example I think would be the Candyland mod video, where he has SUCH BEEF with gingerbread men that it's just pathetic /aff at this point lmao — he goes around killing them and hating on them SO. HARD it's really funny. Of course, there's a difference between Will Wood singing this and Branzy fucking, idk, wanting Jimmy the Gingerbread Guy's guts spilled all over the Candyland floor in an overexaggerated candygore that would belong to none other than uhhhh fucking. idk danganronpa??? but like, suspend your disbelief and be down to clown with the insanity here for a minute, thanks <3

There's also his 100 IRL Crimes In Minecraft video, where he sold Kaboodle's soul WITHOUT HESITATION the moment he was prompted for it lmfaoo (he also did racketeering, extorsion, murder, created a fucking GANG WITH REDDOONS??? spread difamation [that really fucking wasn't. no matter what the cult leader uhhh wither skulls guy was saying], was distributing illegal substances I'm pretty sure, impersonated a cop, idk what else I might rewatch that video actually). There's also his 100 Hearts Factory, where he UNIRONICALLY made a fucking child labor joke with the villagers, and was busting up unions in there at some other point as well. There's whatever in hell he has with Clown bc if Branzy is UNETHICAL AS ALL HELL /silly on his own then with Clown they're both HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, NO GOOD AT ALL /silly and I love that for them actually.

"My grip on my secrets slipping while I'm speaking in tongues" really just reminds me of Branzy's bloodlust and how everyone seems to fucking forget it's there???? even if it reminds me of it in like, a roundabout way

"Take it with a pillar of salt, H.A.L.T, it's not my fault" is all about how his words are non-literal, how he shouldn't be taken as such, and how he's the way he is from birth and he can't really change it — Branzy doesn't try to hide who he is and how he feels about things (it's his greatest asset) and he also doesn't let anyone tell him how to be (unless you're a murderous clown but like, his simping is a WHOLE different can of worms; I'm not a couple's therapist lol, I'm not paid for this shit), he just kinda is; the only reason he isn't an active threat is because he doesn't care for PVP enough to become better at it. The onlu hangup I've got with this line is the H.A.L.T thing — it's apparently a form of mindfulness recommended to people who have a hard time taking care of themselves, and it stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (might have to look into it for myself,,,,, anyways)

"I'm cut from a different kind of meat" is Will saying he's different, in a completely separate category to everyone else, and paired with the next few lines the implication becomes very obvious: you can't understand me, and you're not meant to. Branzy is so hard to put down into words sometimes because he's genuinely many things all at once: he's impulsive but plans are important to him, he's cunning but SO damn stupid, so harmless yet one of the most dangerous people I've ever seen /vpos /aff, he's kooky and charming and fun yet knows how to be intimidating if he so wishes to be, yet he's also SO pathetic wet cat man coded that it becomes IMPOSSIBLE to be scared of him,,,,,,,, GOD "I'm cut from a different kind of meat" you are, Branzycraft, you really are,,,,,

"More than you can chew, hard to swallow me" this is all about being more than people can take, more than people can understand, more and more and more and more. And honeslty he is: he's hard to put into words because his personality pulls him in all different directions and shapes, he's bigger than he lets on, more all-encompassing and somehow formless in how difficult he can be to pin down and describe — I like to think, if Branzy were ever to sing this (a demon boy can only dream sometimes,,,,,,,,), I imagine he would sound SO cheeky and teasing, kinda smug yet chill. I also love the combo of bit off more than you can chew and hard to swallow pills sounding like that

"Forget bored stiff, I got rigor mortis, call it morbid curiosity" there's something about the line, how it's written and sung that gives me a sense of flippancy that goes really well with Branzy's insane yet really chill attitude. Also the whole "death and blood and gore, LifeSteal's essence and the birthmarks It imprints into It's players" thing of LifeSteal is just. PERFECT for the line idk idc I won't take any criticisms on this point <333

"How can I commit to reality, when my third eye's open and I like what I see?" using the third eye imagery here makes the line be about how Will Wood's imagination is so interesting that nothing real can compete, and thus he just. doesn't commit to any of it — Branzy goes by whatever he fancies that very moment, almost like he lives his own fantasy as he goes about life and honestly, I kinda wish I was him ngl

"Baby, I might be crazy but I didn't lose it, no I set it free" this one's mostly self-explanatory bc like, ALL LifeStealers ARE insane to some degree — you kinda NEED to be to survive in there; if you're not ALREADY, then the culture itself WILL claim your sanity. It's only a matter of time — so OFC this line fits Branzy, especially because he is SO carefree over how he is, who he is, careless of how that affects others and simply going about life like the deranged forest creature he was born to be

"I can't ignore what's under dance floorboards, the rhythm of my heart a dead-as-disco beat" in the explanation in Genius, people say this line might be a reference to Edgar Allen Poe's (yes, this went there. get used to it) "The Telltale Heart", where a murderer stores his victim under his house's floorboards and goes mad, imagining the corpse's heartbeat gives him away — honestly this kinda reminds me of The Patches Incident in a jester walks into an amusement park by hattrem on ao3 (GO READ IT. IT'S GOOD. IT'S GREAT EVEN. GO READ IT !!!!!!) — the contributors say Will Wood might've used the metaphor to suggest he's mover or inspired by his own madness or guilt, a sentiment I'm sure Branzy shares in how he briefly hesitates before going full throttle with whatever fucked up shit he's decided is funniest this time around

"But I still move my feet" here, Will is painting us the following picture: even through the guilt or pain he might feel about something, he keeps on going and keeps on dancing "move my feet"; Branzy never fully stops, he never gives up — he might change course, redirect, take a step back to think and plan, but he never stops. He jumps through the hoops and does all the dances, and he never stops.

"To slip out of this groove, I'm free" here Will Wood is succinctly summarising the point of the song: it's fine to be a little bit (or more like a LOT) crazy, to slip out of constraints and be truly oneself, regardless of how that looks like and Branzy fucking follows this like a mantra lol

I'm gonna lightly skim over the next two lines — "Now to row, row, row my boat over the falls" and "And maybe wake up from but a dream, yeah" — bc it's just a reference to the Row, Row, Row Your Boat nursery rhyme, with a more cynical spin; something something the cheerful initial demeanor ripped appart at the hands of that bloodlustful beast living in his veins and caressing his psyche, in one swift swoop and almost instantaneously, just to disappear once again into his bloodstream and be flushed out.

Also I'm gonna talk about the whole chorus right now, and not mention it again unless it's relevant to any other lines I might be discussing:

"I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I didn't lose it, babe

There wasn't much to find

I'm just a psycho, babe

Come and go out my mind

I'm only passing through"

The way the lines are sung, so happy-go-lucky and carefree, so flippantly and cheerfully, it all reminds me so much of Branzy's persona — so cheery and showman as everything seems to fall apart around him, and it's a coin toss whether that's to his benefit or to his detriment; he doesn't let past alliances, teamups or enemies to deter him from what he wants and what he craves — he desires someone's demise? even if through elaborate traps, he'll get it. He's only here to have fun, to come and go as he pleases.

"If you knew what I knew, if you saw what I see" this one goes hand in hand with the next one, so!: "You'd look through illusions, hallucinations, and lucid dream" there it isss! simply put, people wouldn't be able to take it all in if they saw what the character sees — Branzy must've seen a lot of fucked up shit during his three or so season run in LifeSteal, and considering Tubbo is going insane over the shit LifeStealers keep pulling in The Realm SMP (YOU WERE IN THEIR HOME AT SOME POINT?? YOU WENT INTO THE TIGER ENCLOSURE GIRLIEPOP. WDYM YOU'RE FUCKING SURPRISED THAT PANGI KILLED ALL BEES IN A 1K RADIUS FROM SPAWN???? THAT CLOWN HAD ALREADY PRESTIEGED ENCHANTING ONCE AND WAS ABOUT TO DO IT AGAIN???????? WHAT) I think these lines are appropriate not even just for Branzy, but LITERALLY any LifeStealer at that lmao

I'll be honest, I've got NOTHING for "And I know that meaning can be such a pretty thing to keep" and "But I got facts and I'm not afraid to use 'em, take the good with the bad, take off the back you make a new front" so uhhhhhh I'll.... improv something? uh. um. shit uh so uhhhhhhhh something something Branzy takes everything in stride, and manages to turn it into an advantage (like acquiring the scariest player in LS as his work husband)??????? yeahhhh that works

"Some days I'm glad that I am a madman and I'd rather be that than" and "An amicable animal, mild-mannered cannibal" are about preferring one's own brand of insanity over the gentle brutality of mainstream society — Branzy kills, like everyone in LifeSteal, and in that they're all a community, yet Branzy still prefers his contraptions and elaborate plans, the honey-sweets to his personal venus flytraps and brand of death over the constant betrayal and active manipulation, the orbital cannons, the battles to the brink, the ambushing of weaker players

"But I'm more level-headed and clever than ever and I'm getting better one forever at a time" is about embracing one's madness, and being better for it — Branzy, amongs other things, is a truly terrifying /vpos character whenever he desires to be because he embraces all the twisted, dark, immoral facets to his person without a second thought, and with this he's stronger than others could ever dream of being

"And if sick is defined by what's different, well then pull the plug out and let me die" I don't think LS!Branzy has ever had a problem with dying, even there's always something pushing him to seek survival — it hurts, you're one heart closer to a permanent death, but I don't think that has always perturbed him enough to lash out and become so desperate that he'd be willing to throw caution to the wind; in this, Clown and Branzy are equals, similar to each other, going onto the main stage and performing the same steps.

"Vice-versa, vice versus virtue" here Will Wood is comparing good and bad behaviors to each other, and while there's something of a truth to what the contributor said on Genius about the usage of vice-versa specifically ("The literal meaning of 'Vice Verse' is 'with the main items in the preceding statement the other way around.' In short terms, it means 'the other way around' Following the theme of the song, Will is saying he is the polar opposite of soiety, or he is 'the other way around' in society" — AceTheBowlOfCereal23) I still think there's more to that — paired with the rest of the line, it feels to me that it all speaks of interchangeably using "good" and "bad" as adjectives for Wood's behavior, in such a way that makes both words become almost meaningless; for there will always be someone out there who disapproves of who you are, regardless of what you're doing. Branzy has a similar outlook, of considering whichever thing is happening right now as "good" or "bad" purely based on his own perception, how it might be beneficial or not, instead of using a more socially accepted definition for each and every event he comes across — especially in LifeSteal he does this, where everyone is constantly terrified of Clown and wary of him, yet Branzy only sees good things in the guy

"Well who I am I choose through all the things I do" our actions define us, somehow, in some way, and Branzy picks and chooses which ones he allows himself to be called by: he constatly says he's incapable of killing, he's harmless! Have you seen him holding a sword? Yeah, killing him is like kicking a baby in Wallmart! yet he'd managed to collect AT LEAST 100 hearts for his Big Top Tent event that closed out on Season 5, simply because people like him.

"And if it rhymes it's true, but I hate poetry" for some reason I can see him saying this even if he 100% does not mean it and is only saying it for the bit — not all of these line connections need to be that deep tbh

"Now with my moral compass pointing south, going down" Branzy has a fucked up moral compass ever since LifeSteal, next line

"With no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no respect for reality" so uh. idfk dude. this line exists — connect it back to Branzy or don't, I don't think I can

"A tourist passing through" and "Well that was fun, goodbye" are the lines Will Wood added onto the chorus to create the outro, and they just kinda remind me that Branzy is no longer in LifeSteal, but is still so influential and important to the people who keep playing the server season after season,,,,,,,,,,

Whoa, infinitely long yap session be upon ye! this was fun! I don't wanna do it again anytime soon! (might do it with PrinceZam and the three different Idol by YOASOBI English versions I'm mildly obssessed over [the official one, Trickle's and Will Stetson's]) so uh. I hope y'all enjoyed this? Question mark? Anyways!

[web-novel-polls]

Favorite WN Quotes - Bonus: ORV

Quote 11: KDJ Crying

I didn’t cry. 「 Kim Dokja was crying. 」 - Kim Dokja & the Fourth Wall, Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, Chapter 180

Quote 37: Three Ways to Survive in a Ruined World

「There are three ways to survive in a ruined world. I have forgotten some of them now. However, one thing is certain: you who are currently reading these words will survive.  –Three Ways to Survive in a Ruined World [Complete]」 - Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, Chapter 1

Quote 38: I Believe in You

"If hyung was such a person, you wouldn't have saved me on the subway. I believe in you.”  - Lee Gilyoung to Kim Dokja, Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint, Chapter 21 

Quote 39: Just Somehow Survive

"Survive and take responsibility! Atone for the rest of your life or live a garbage life. Just somehow survive!”  - Kim Dokja to Lee Jihye, Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, Chapter 40 

Quote 40: Wanted to Believe

"Still… if possible, I wanted to believe. I was able to come here because I believed in someone.”  - Yoo Sangah, Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, Chapter 46

Quote 41: Face the Wall

“I only believe in people with walls. In order to understand someone, I think I should face that wall first.” - Han Donghoon, Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, Chapter 60

Quote 42: Fuck capitalism fr

"Working up to build up history to become a constellation and then building up narratives to become narrative-grade constellations… then what? The higher the sky, the brighter the star? How long will you continue using the descendants of this land for your own sake?”  - Kim Dokja, Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, Chapter 72 

Quote 43: Won't Give Up So Easily

“–If I was going to give up so easily, I wouldn't have started this journey.” - Yoo Joonghyuk, Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, Chapter 82

Quote 44: No Sentences Describing These Deaths

“I had read all of Ways of Survival. I understood the settings, the meaning of the explanations and finally thought that I had figured out the author's intentions. But in Ways of Survival, there were no sentences describing these deaths.”  - Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, Chapter 90

Quote 45: Loved by the Others

“I, someone of no redeeming quality, could be loved by the others.” - Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, Chapter 513

Quote 46: Pound at the Walls

“Even if we can't reach each other, even if we can't meet each other, we should continue to pound away on each other's walls. Even if that wall would never open up, keep writing something on that wall, anyway.” - Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, Chapter 538 

Quote 47: Most Proficient at Lying

“She wanted to tell him. Tell him that there was a world that didn't need his sacrifice to be saved. She thought that, if it was her, she should be able to do it.  Because she was most proficient at lying than anyone alive, after all.” - Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint, Chapter 539

[Propaganda below] - Spoilers Warning!

Quote 11: KDJ Crying

Submission: 

Kim Dokja, putting on clown makeup: "I didn't cry."  The narrative, immediately calling him out: HELLO???YOU'RE LITERALLY SOBBING.  Kim Dokja, getting louder, as circus music starts to play behind him: "I'm a reliable narrator!" All of Kim Dokja Company: staring immediately at the camera like they're on the office

Quote 39: Just Somehow Survive!

Just somehow survive!!!! You can’t atone through death!!! You just have to somehow survive!!!

Okay, serious talk, this quote makes me want to eat dirt due to Kim Dokja (insert spoilers here) saying it to Lee Jihye, a teenager, facing her trauma of killing her best friend in a life-or-death situation. Kim Dokja killing Kim Namwoon as a way of killing him younger self is OUT, Kim Dokja helping Lee Jihye as a way of helping his younger self is IN (/mainly joking)

[zeroducks-2]

I've just finished Gotham Knights and I get that people aren't happy with the fucked ass haircuts but like, I do believe this is the most progressive and well written Jason Todd we've ever gotten in recent times. Even in recent comics. Like damn, bro goes to therapy, picked up his interests and hobbies again (e.g. the cooking and the reading and the shit talking) from his "Robin makes me Magic" days. Like yeah, he's still edgy, but he was murdered by a fucking Clown, he's allowed to be edgy. We got a Jason Todd that isn't diluted to "the angry black sheep character" archetype. He's healing, working on himself, his relationship with his family, and he's fighting his way (brutal and all strength and tact) to do what he stands for and what he believes is right. And his heart is just so big and full of compassion, but it doesnt blind him and make him wishful or naive. He's so well balanced in Gotham Knights. I hope this version of his character is written in future comics. I'm sick of DC writers making him this angry anti-hero who's only reasoning and purpose in life is to get back at Batman for failing him and so many others. Jason is allowed to be more than his trauma. Thank you Gotham Knights for seeing that.

I'm glad you enjoyed the game anon. I personally am not a fan, not because of Jason but because of the game itself. The dialogues felt stale, more reminiscent of tumblr "incorrect Batfam quotes" than the source material, and the NPCs felt dull compared to how full of life they were in the Arkham series (so much so I would hide in random spots just to hear them talking about the current game events, especially in AK). The most unforgivable bit to me was Tim not having ever fought the rogues because he's "young" - I've never seen anything more insulting and infantilizing for a character which already heavily suffers for being treated as the useless one, never allowed to participate in the game changing dynamics or to have meaningful arcs, and is relegated to being the cute little bisexual twink.

That being said it's a matter of taste, and Gotham Knights is surely a good game for those who prefer a wholesome loving family approach to these characters. Jason working on himself and going to therapy and having a good relationship with his "family" is surely what lots of people (especially in here) want to see. Me, I don't think any amount of therapy would help since therapy is based on shared human experiences and repetition of patterns, and Jason died and dug himself out of his own grave. That's not a trauma any therapist would have the means to help with. They indeed "diluted" the event in the game, changed the fact that Jason dug himself out of his own grave and was functionally braindead and homeless for two years, and made it so UTRH never happened in order for therapy to make any sense, because there is no reconciliation possible with a parent that slit your neck to save the person who broke all your bones with a crowbar and then murdered you.

It's kinda like when Wally went to therapy (canonically) after Barry's death. The therapist was a good one and he tried! But ultimately he didn't manage to make a real difference because Wally is the Flash, a super-powered creature with time bending powers who does things on the scale of absurdity, and who also happens to have had an extremely traumatic childhood and to have just lost the only person who ever loved him unconditionally. His problems have roots in reality but are out of the scope of any therapy method currently known to man.

And Jason is more than his trauma, but pretending his trauma doesn't inform his actions and can be solved with him "working on himself" is not an approach I hope they take in comics. I'd rather they went back to Jason doing things his way and protecting the people of Gotham in the only manner he finds helpful, because he experienced on his own skin (twice!) that Batman's methods don't work. I'd rather they allowed him to stop clashing with Bruce as main theme of his stories, and have his own plotlines in which he's in between a vigilante and a mafia lord (which they were doing with Dick by the way, before chickening out and have Slade bomb Bludhaven) with Bruce only as a cameo sometimes.

We have a high number of morally irrepressible characters who always do the right thing more or less. I'd like Jason to be something different, something darker, because there is a dramatic lack of grey characters and anti-heroes which were sanded down to either 100% bad guys or 100% good guys. I hate that, why can't we have nuanced choices and people struggling with the darkness they carry, why does everyone need to be a perfect "unproblematic" paragon of goodness who would never do anything wrong. We have A LOT of characters like that and I love them, I really do! But if everyone and their families are like that then it's really frickin boring!

Plus, I'd like the characters to actually struggle with their past traumas in a meaningful way, otherwise why even giving them those traumas to begin with. Give me Tim still grappling with how he couldn't save his father, give me Dick haunted by all the times he slipped and let go of the no killing rule in a way or another, give me Jason haunted by the tragedy of being abandoned by every person who was supposed to protect him and working from there to being the protector of everyone else.

That's what I hope DC would pick up and write about. I was never much for fluff and wholesome things unless it's in small amounts, I always preferred strife and complexity. But hey, I'm glad you enjoyed the game, at least one of us did!

[foxes-that-run]

Mirrorball

Taylor said the entire song "This is me trying" is referenced in Mirrorball. It is about celebrity, a performer without an audience who makes art from her pain and can't stop. She talks about being a different version of yourself for specific people, to me this is also who she is with away from performing. It is a self-reflection song but also refers Harry and his Sign of the Times which is a similar.

Lyrics

I want you to know I'm a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself tonight I'll get you out on the floor Shimmering beautiful And when I break it's in a million pieces

The opening verse is setting the scene that the song is about Taylor entertaining everyone with her glimmering performance where she sings about her pain and heartbreak.

Taylor also refers to breaking into many pieces in Big Red Machine's Renegade "And if I would've known / How many pieces you had crumbled into / I might have let them lay" while in Renegade it is her muse who is broken in Mirrorball it is herself.

Taylor is reflecting on how pain and heartbreak is what she is rewarded for, she talks about this in Miss Americana also

Hush When no one is around, my dear You'll find me on my tallest tiptoes Spinning in my highest heels, love Shining just for you Hush I know they said the end is near But I'm still on my tallest tiptoes Spinning in my highest heels, love Shining just for you

This section is considering who she is without an audience, and who's attention she has in private, away from performing.

'hush, the end is near' is a direct quote of Harry's Sign of the Times, "Just stop your crying / It'll be alright / They told me that the end is near" I think she is relating to him and he is the listener.

In the Long Pond introduction she spoke about being a different version of herself for people. She is saying she is still performing for those in her life even when she is off stage.

I want you to know I'm a mirrorball I can change everything about me to fit in You are not like the regulars The masquerade revelers Drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten

In Renegade she also refers to edges of broken pieces of emotion, there as her muse and here herself, being used to entertain in song. "And if I would've known / How sharp the pieces were you'd crumbled into / I might’ve let them lay"

This verse is reflecting on how she shows a different side of herself to different people. This muse is not like everyone else who marvels are her pain in song, this muse sees Taylor.

Which is interesting, Harry has a similar, though less flattering lyric in Fools Gold: "And I knew that you turned it on for everyone you met / But I don't regret / Falling for your fool's gold"

While in Fools Gold Harry saw that Taylor performed for everyone, he took that as him not being special and loved her anyway. Mirrorball is the reverse, she performs for everyone, but rather than marveling at her shining heartbreak like the other revelers he's there for her. It’s worth noting unlike anyone else in her life much of their heartbreak is shared.

Music for a Sushi restaurant is also similar, in that it comments that they are making music for others, but Harry would rather be together "Music for whatever you want / Scuba-duba-do-boo-boo I'm not going to get lost / I'm not going to go broke / Staying cool / (Know I love you, babe)"

And they called off the circus Burned the disco down When they sent home the horses And the rodeo clowns I'm still on that tightrope I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me I'm still a believer but I don't know why I've never been a natural All I do is try, try, try I'm still on that trapeze I'm still trying everything To keep you looking at me

Here the circus, disco and clowns are shows being cancelled by the pandemic/ In the Long Pond Session Taylor said this verse is about the pandemic, her shows were cancelled and she reflected on who she is without an audience and starting to drink.

I'm not a natural, all I do is try, try, try is referring to "This is me Trying", which Taylor notes in the Long Pond Session.

To me 'Still a believer' is also a reference to Hoax. I hear this section as without the ability to perform for her fans, Taylor is left to reflect on her personal life and who she wants attention from. She reflects her insecurities in her personal relationships

This is also in Say don't go, with the same muse "I’m standin' on a tightrope alone / I hold my breath a little bit longer / Halfway out the door, but it won't close/ I'm holdin' out hope for you to" this is so similar, and less matured than Mirrorball and Hoax where she is holding out faith this person will notice and love her.

In the Daylight Music Video, released after Mirrorball:

Because I'm a mirrorball I'm a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself Tonight

This returns to the beginning, Taylor puts her audience of 1 or 100,000 first, before herself.