#'but we are your friends!'

[subject-2-change]

(More from final dnd session)

Previously, drinking at a tavern...

Paladin to group: "It would be my honor to call you all friends!"

To Bard lawyer npc: "all of us."

Party nods in agreement

Bard: "I don't have friends. I have clients and associates."

Wizard: "need it in writing?"

Fighter: "there doesn't need to be a contract for everything."

Bard: "it helps, yes"

Ongoing joke of this guy having a contract for everything and it sometimes gets him into trouble. The wizard takes out a piece of paper and writes "We are friends" in big letters. The party all signs it and hands it to the Bard, who sighs and files it away.

This session, the party has completed their mission and returned home. They are relaxing at an upscale bar.

Fighter to party: "Living as a gith in the Astral Sea, I know very little about friendship. But, I'm very happy with the bonds I've made, with 3 new friends."

Everyone happy and hums in agreement.

Fighter, to Bard: "4 friends...?"

Bard: "no no... I--"

Sorcerer: "oh come on. After everything?"

Fighter: "at least admit we are friendly."

Bard thinks for a moment, then pulls out the "contract" the party had written.

He tears it in half, and the party gasps

Bard: "maybe...there doesn't need to be a contract for everything."

Cue awwwws

[sillyguy-supreme]

white americans when you tell them that the idea of climate change as an impending disaster is a reductive first world perspective because it’s a tangible reality for many in the global south already:

[rafeandonlyrafe]

well 🧍‍♀️ as a reminder this blog is NOT a safe space for trump supporters but it IS a safe place for women, queers, trans ppl, people of color, undocumented people, and any marginalized group.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Hey now, Let her cook!

[elodieunderglass]

hi. what do you mean

[emiko-matsui]

i think my favourite part of the ratfish episodes are the fact that it's the most accurate portrayal of friendship i can think of. here's all your friends but they're anonymous, make each other laugh. it's always one specific thing that would make no one else bat an eye that makes you get made by someone else. katie made a joke about anti-depressants and immediately got clocked by rekha. zac mentioned publix and grant went "that's zac." grant chose a bette midler song and ally went "gay ass. probably grant." zac didn't get any vibes at all from steven and realised he knows his friends better than this. i do not know this person in real life.

[jjskiaraa]

You know what I cannot wait for? The day we have an election and we don’t have to say vote like your life depends on it because it does. This man has seeped into every facet of our lives for almost TEN years. Think about that. With one simple vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz he’s cooked-forever, and we won’t have to deal with that urgency again. We can have real policy debates and make actual progress again, once he is gone for good. So let’s do this thing one last time let’s vote like our lives depend on it and get back a better politic.

[akanemnon]

Yeah, Kris is definitely NOT alright.

FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT

MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

[sleevebuscemii]

my favorite thing about jacob anderson and sam reid is that jacob anderson is married with a child and has a second career as a respected musician and sam reid is a 37 year old vaping bachelor with a helix piercing who has recently emerged into peak hotness and slutability. and they’re bffls.

[checkadii]

too lazy to grab a ref whatever girl

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[rileyclaw]

you know how everything is like a hundred times funnier when you're not allowed to laugh??

[keferon]

Let me tell you their duo WASNT something I expected to see. Like. Ever. Oh my god ahahaha

[marlowe-art]

we can fish if we want to....

[gxldbvby]

I love the concept of ‘my soul got along with yours before the earth was even created and we recognised each other in this world’