#'because it was bullied into me.' so you were treated worse when you didn't mask?

[mythicalcoolkid]

You don't want to be more ill or more visibly ill. You want it to be easier

[thesilmarillionblog]

𓏲 𓂃 L o s i n g Y o u

Series Masterlist is here.

Summary: Everything was good as a member of Payback and Soldier Boy's secret girlfriend until the team and your relationship with him began to fall apart due to a new member and her developing relationship with Ben right in front of your eyes.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: Heavy angst, hurt, heartless Soldier Boy, reader gets hurt, mention of violence, mention of drugs, betrayal, Soldier Boy being a dick, reader is a supe, Crimson Countess is a bitch

Word Count: 1796

A/N: English is not my first language.

* This story is inspired by the song "Losing You" by Dream Evil.

“Get lost fuckface and bring me a coffee,” Ben said telling the the poor guy who was trying his best to make Soldier Boy happy till the broadcast start.

The announcement of the new Payback member to the American public was scheduled for today. The company's executives had already made the decision to bring on a new employee, despite the fact that the team already had enough members. Everyone on the team opposed this idea, with the exception of Soldier Boy and you, but nothing changed.

You didn't mind if a new person joined the team because they were assigning Soldier Boy all tasks, regardless of importance, and you could see he was growing more and more irate with each passing day. Given that Black Noir was the team's second-strongest member, it was obvious Soldier Boy didn't appreciate the concept of being used for insignificant tasks constsantly. It was obvious that the team definitely required one more strong member.

“You don’t have to be so rude to those people,” you murmered as you approached Ben. "They are all scared of you already.”

Ben chuckled as he sat down and sniffed the white dust, saying, “I am not familiar with the concept of princess treatment, sweetheart, and nobody respects a pussy leader; keep that in mind.”

You sighed knowing he would never change his attitude just because you told him to. He pulled you to his lap and gave you a quick and firm kiss, silencing you before you argue with him.

All of you were taken aback when a new supe was introduced because you hadn't seen her before. She smiled and gave a short but impactful speech about how she would benefit America and its citizens. She looked nice and strong with her red suit and long red hair.

You were only made to feel worse by the fact that everyone was rooting for Soldier Boy and Crimson Countess every day, and their fan base became stronger over time. The current Crimson Countess stood on the side where you used to stand. They were singing together in ads while standing side by side and hand in hand, which was keeping you up at nights. The growing distance between you and Ben was eating you alive.

He hardly ever visited or spoke to you during the day, despite the fact that he used to spend the night with you in the past. There were moments when you tried to talk to him about what was going on, but he waved you off right away, saying he had things to do and couldn't be seen with any other woman but the Countess.

You were frequently questioned about their relationship, and you smiled while telling the cameras that they were lucky to have found each other and that they were strong together. If only they were aware of your true feelings.

Even though Ben continued to treat Noir rudely, which greatly upset and angered you, the rest of the crew was glad that Soldier Boy had finally become distracted. This was because they had been mistreated and bullied by him less than in the past. You two had heated disagreements over Noir as well in the past, but Ben consistently ignored your emotions and ideas. Now that Crimson also supported him about how he should treat the team made your blood boil with hatred and agony.

Noir remarked, removing his mask, “I can't do this, Y/N. I refuse to bow to him and put up with the way he treats me.”

You walked up to him and touched his back to get him to turn to face you. “What do you mean?” you questioned.

“I’m saying he is not worthy of being a leader.” Noir paced violently and stated, “All he does is get high with Crimson and bully me and everyone around him. He left you aside too.”

Though you knew he didn’t mean to hurt you, his words cut deep and silenced you for a second.

“Don’t do something crazy, Noir. You hear me?” You asked, ignoring his thoughts about Ben leaving you. “You know his short temper.”

Noir was always kind and kind, so you were surprised to see him so furious, but you knew he was right about everything, and Ben seemed to be getting worse and more distant every day as his connection with Countess took shape right before your eyes. You seemed to be deceiving yourself all along when you told yourself that their relationship wasn't real.

“I don’t know. Someone must do something about this.”

“You don’t stand a chance against him,” you said as you grasped his arms tightly. “I’ll talk to him, okay. I’ve got this, I promise.”

Noir gave you a nod before he put the mask on, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

You waited patiently until you learned Ben would be alone tonight because Crimson would be going on a mission. Your heart raced when you entered his house without saying anything. He must have heard the noises you made already, because he turned to you immediately and did not look surprised to see you.

“Hi,” you whispered, not knowing how to react around him anymore.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he asked as he sat down in the coach after. He was high on cocaine.

As you walked up to him, you gave him a disappointed expression, but the way he looked stopped you. In the past, you were close every second, but those days are long in the past now.

“What’s wrong with you?” Your eyes were watery as you asked. It seemed like you would explode at any moment.

“Are fucking on your period? Why so sensitive?” His smile infuriated you, and he laughed as if something amusing had happened. There was something very punchable about his face.

“Why do you still treat Noir like a fucking jackass? He follows your instructions to the letter, and you are simply being disrespectful to him and the team as a whole.” You spoke angrily, as if you wanted him to share your feelings of rage. You wanted to wipe that foolish smile off his face.

His body abruptly shifted, giving you a menacing glance and raising his finger in your direction. “Don't fucking give me some advise. Who the fuck are you? You do realize that I am the fucking boss here, don't you?”

He hasn't been this angry with you in a long time, so you were surprised by his harsh remarks. It seemed like he hated you as he spat those words.

You yelled back, “I don't even know the man I'm talking to anymore,” at which point your tears finally fell. “Since Crimson entered your life, you have changed, Ben. She fucking hates you; she doesn't even love you. Don’t you see it?”

He was eventually enraged by your screams at him, and he stood in front of you with hate in his eyes. Your heart pained when you saw him staring at you like that, with eyes full of anger and fury.

“Do you know what I'm going to do?” He asked softly, as if he were just saying something kind. “I'm fucking gonna kill that masked pussy Noir and fucking make sure you watch through it.”

His cold words frozen you, and your eyes widened seeing he meant every word he said.

You shoved him away by his chest and sobbed, “If you ever touch Noir, I swear I'll cut Countess’ bitch head and throw it to your fucking thick skull.”

You were aware that nothing or no one could stop Ben from doing what he wanted to do, and that you might be the reason Noir was put to death or anything like. Your pulse raced upon witnessing Ben's unexpected outburst of rage against Noir.

Judging by his face, it was clear he was taken aback by your sharp words. You’ve never talked in athreatening way before with anyone. Your sigh and sobbing were the only things that filled the pregnant silence in the room.

“Ben,” you said softly, trying to reach again one more time, and you touched his face, hoping he wouldn’t push your hands back. To your surprise, he didn’t make a move. You looked him into the eyes between your tears and said, “I am the only one who truly loves you. Not her, not anyone else. Just me. What happened to us?”

You waited for him to answer you after you gave him a firm kiss, showing your love and care for him, but he didn’t kiss you back. Instead, he pushed your hands away from his face, with an unreadable look on his face.

“Why are you being selfish?” he asked, breaking the silence, almost irritated by your kindness toward him. “People love seeing me and her together. Duty fucking comes first.”

“You don’t owe love to her just to be loved by people you don’t even know,” you said, trying to convince him he didn’t have to do something he didn’t want to.

“How the fuck do you know I’m doing this for people only?”

“What do you mean?” you asked, as your heart skipped for a moment.

“Maybe I’m fed up with your soft attitude, and I want to be with her. How about that?” He said he was giving you an insidious smile.

With a heavy heart, you stepped back from him as more tears dropped from your cheeks. There was no point trying to convince Ben for your love while he didn’t give a fuck about it at all and the one he wanted was actually Countess.

“Is that what you want?”

“It fucking is,” he said, sitting down in the coach and keeping sniffing cocaine, like the conversation meant nothing to him and he wanted you to be gone.

Before leaving his house, you turned him one last time, saying, “She’ll betray you, Ben. I don’t know if I see that day, but you’ll see it.”

Next Chapter

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A/N: Well, that was a one shot, but let me know if you think that I should make it multi-chapters. Comments are appreciated, hehehe. <33

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

(To Mikan) How were you and Hiyoko able to reconcile? Especially after all the...bullying? Sorry for asking, but this has been on my mind for a bit, and I needed some clarification.

Well, it all sort of happened after we woke up from Jabberwock Island, and then during the Novoselic Revolution is when it all came ahead.

After the Killing Game was over...Hiyoko didn't pay me as much mind as she usually did. She stopped bullying me, but...she didn't really pay attention to me either.

After I pretended to turn against the Novoselic group, Hiyoko realized that I'd taken advantage of her distrust for me and...apologized to me.

It was a quick apology. But I had a lot of things on my mind at the time, and I confessed to Ibuki on the same night, so there was a lot going on. I think the way it happened was simple and good enough.

I would be lying if I said I didn't still have some ill feelings. I mean, it's hard to move on from the sort of pain I've been put through but...

She's hardly the first, and DEFINITELY not the worst...And I know that she really does want to be my friend, and is really a good person. Just misguided. And besides, it's not like what she's said about me was entirely wrong.

So yeah, there are still some feelings. But we're family. It's how we do things.

——————————————————————

Mikan killing me in the Killing Game happened when she was under the influence of the Despair Disease. As much as I might want to hold it against her, I know it wasn't her fault, but...it was still an eye-opener, especially when coupled with Mahiru's death.

Once it was all over and we got back to reality, things had changed massively. Our lives were difficult and...I didn't even have the strength to make it harder for everyone.

I've always kicked others down in the past because I've always felt small. But all that happened forced me to face myself, and I realize just how horrible I've been.

I still despise people like Mikan, or at least what she was when I first met her. People who make others think they're weak so that they can garner sympathy, and that's a big reason why I did what I did, and put an innocent mask over my foul mouth. Because I could goad people into disliking it too.

But...God, the things I said to her...and did to her and...even if I didn't like her, that wasn't an excuse to treat her like trash. I was just trying to make myself feel better about everything.

I'm disgusted and ashamed of myself looking back now, since all she's done after the Killing Game was show kindness, empathy, and helped me get back on my feet when I scraped my knee or something. I may have been raised to be competitive, harsh and judgmental, but that doesn't make it right.

And that all got worse when I finally found out WHY Mikan was the way she was. It made me realize that we were more similar than I wanted to admit, and...seeing how much she's suffered at the hands of bullies made me want to cry.

Mikan, even though I know she still has reservations about me, has only ever wanted to ease my pain while all I've done is add to hers.

If there's one thing we both understand it's...It's hard changing who you are. Taking that step to becoming a new, more agreeable person, despite your faults. But I know now that I want to be someone like her. Who lifts people up instead of dragging them down.

[aikya-kat-44]

This is my life.

I always knew something was off about my friendships. I was told by adults I was overthinking. Then I found out the truth when I was 5.

Because my best friend, after ages giving those subtle signs, finally revealed their dislike of being my friend.

I thought they were the one person I could always count on. I was wrong. I would never quite trust anyone fully again.

Do you know what it's like to watch your mother cry? Believing she is ugly because of her dark skin, wishing she was fair like you. It is heartbreaking. I wanted to take her tears away. I wanted to hug her and never let go. Do you know what it's like to know that your parents are working their butts off to give you a better life than they had, only for you to push away food for no reason even you could explain? Do you know what it's like to cry alone in your room about seemingly nothing?

My teachers hated me for doing things everyone else was supposed to. Because I'm brown and I didn't bring in Indian food for them as a 'gift' every lunchtime. Because I used to point out their mistakes in class when they made them. Because I didn't have to pay attention to succeed in school. Because I didn't pay attention. Because no matter what, I was in the wrong and everyone else was in the right.

So I learned to lie. The people in my life taught me that it wasn't safe to be myself outside, so I wore a mask. One that made me 'good'. One that made me palatable. One that locked away almost all of who I truly was.

I made new friendships that were born to die every time. I learned not to get too attached, to distance myself to avoid hurting others. I got a reputation for being calm and mature for my age. I suppose you could almost call me popular. Except all popular really was was to live surrounded by false friends. But somewhere along the way I made a true friend. One who supported me. One who didn't treat me like I had to earn the right to exist in their social sphere by changing myself to fit in.

I would feel guilty for taking up their time. I would feel like I was using them every time I told them one of my problems. Because I had always been taught I was manipulative and unwanted, so now I believed it.

I almost felt wanted, then. My friends had become family. I belonged.

I suppose my brief happiness was never meant to last. Because one night, someone flicked a switch. We grew up, maybe. Maybe an evil sleep demon whispered in all their ears but mine. But suddenly all my friends were fighting. Everyone seemed to hate everyone else. And, once again, I was no longer welcome.

Alone again, as always.

I moved house. It made things worse.

I hated the new place where I lived. My parents, who had always been the most supportive and loving people in my life, thought I was overreacting (even they'd never understand). All I could do was cry the night away. I felt both too numb and too emotional at the same time.

My new teachers liked me about as much as my old ones had. But I was falling behind in my schoolwork. I had always been good at school without trying, but now, for the first time, I was getting average grades, and I lacked the motivation to even look at a question for more than 1 minute. It was an endless spiral of frustration, confusion and doubt.

High school is, after all, where dreams go to die.

There were people just as homophobic and racist at my new school as at my old one. But there were people who were nice. So nice. I wanted desperately to be friends with them. But I knew I could not, because I had bullied myself into believing I would destroy any connections I made. That I was unworthy of affection. It's like I was cursed to be forever longing, looking from the outside in.

So every time people got close to me, I started acting like the jerk I believed myself to be. Pushing them away before I could hurt them. Before I could be hurt. I could outneurotypical the neurotypicals practically when masking, when I had to make a good impression on someone who I would only know on basic terms, but when it came to trying to forge meaningful bonds I had no words. I couldn't. I had a hundred million words to lie with, but not one that could capture the truth. To make someone understand. All I wanted was for someone to understand. Nobody understands. Everybody seemed to hate me.

That is why when my friend disagrees with me, and screams that I am manipulative and always make things too hard, all I can do is agree with them.

a bottom-tier autistic experience is being told throughout your entire childhood that you are just an overthinker when it comes to social situations and later finding out that your friends did, in fact, hate being around you and tried to communicate that through weird little hints

[archangeltwins]

parental vent under the cut

You're my parents. If you wanted a normal child, why did you have me at all? You withheld serious medical information from me while I was a kid. I grew up thinking that I was like everyone else, but your denial and coddling has now cost me everything. Everything.

Friends. Connections. Family. Support. Personal Growth.

Boundaries. You've never let me have my own, nor respected them. You tell people I'm autistic without seeing if I've given my explicit consent to divulge that information. You barge in even after knocking. You've accused me of being on drugs if I was too happy or moody. You kept me feeling like I was a felon in my own home for just wanting some time alone. You tell people of your struggles as a parent knowing what was wrong, but did you ever once take into account how I felt?

How I feel now, still, knowing there was something wrong with me, feeling like I was fundamentally broken and wholly unloved and unwanted and lonely as a kid?

I fantasized about getting switched with another family's child. I fantasized about running away. That I was from another world entirely. And often.

Sure, you fed me, you clothed me, you gave me a roof over my head -- that's the bare fucking minimum -- but was the emotional stability really even there???? Between the screaming, the fighting, the bankruptcy, everything.

The picture of me you have in your head isn't my responsibility. You wanted me to respect you as authority whilst you didn't treat me as a person. I masked for survival, I masked so I could have a hair's breadth chance of fitting in. I had routine, and after routine came burnout. I pushed myself to my furthest limits grade-wise to appease YOU, not MYSELF. My accomplishments never felt like they were mine. It was just something I "had to do". I was mature because I masked. Masking kept me from bullying by my peers. Masking kept people from asking questions. Masking kept me safe. No wonder I feel like I'll never be enough. My self-worth has hit bedrock. And now? I still don't have a damn clue who I am. It's like trying to repair a plate that's been smashed into unrecognizable pieces. You say you didn't want raise us how your parents raised you, and yet, you did. You complained constantly about the switches, the smacks, the soap, the yelling. You've spanked. You've lectured. You've belittled. You've insulted and invalidated. You instilled fear in me so severe I'll likely never get over it. I'll always jump at keys jingling, heavy footsteps, slammed doors. I'll always be afraid of confrontation.

How about going to church and hearing about how we were all shameful and sinful and me, thinking I was doubly condemned to burn from the start by being undiagnosed neurodivergent? Not telling me was inherently neglectful. Getting my diagnosis was the straw on the camel's back. I'm different. I'm wrong. I'm a liar / fibber. I'm lazy. I need fixing. I'm selfish. I'm ungrateful. I'm a bitch. I'm entitled. That sounds like projection to me. You say respect is earned, but you constantly dismiss mine. Your expectations for me were too fucking high, even as a kid.

I'll always be terrified of making my own decisions, but at least I'm learning to do them scared.

" We got spanked and we turned out fine ". If you think violence is an inherently good thing to use as punishment against actual, living and breathing children, you've internalized that message. I'm sorry that those who were supposed to protect you, didn't. That they failed as parents. You shouldn't lay your hand on a kid, ever. Your overbearingness and fearfulness and sheer desperation to be given attention to have a 'normal' child has stunted me.

Others have it worse, you'd say. This isn't the Oppression Olympics. No one's pain is worth more or less than any others. Hitting a child because you're angry and when they say "I don't know", you accuse them of lying when they're trying to explain, or you fail to listen to them, is wrong. Losing control of your emotional maturity during arguments is wrong. Giving the silent treatment is wrong. Making me apologize without telling me what I did wrong made me feel like shit. I didn't learn my lesson, I learned to fear you. That you were bigger and that you were my first bully, not schoolmates. Not a friend. Witholding comfort items was wrong. Threatening to take everything out my room was wrong. Hinting that you'd drive away and never come back -- literal abandonment is wrong. Treating kids like property, to be seen and not heard, is wrong. I was supposed to feel safe. I WAS SUPPOSED TO FEEL SAFE. INSTEAD, YOU MADE ME FEEL INFERIOR. SUB-HUMAN. Congratulations, you've cut off your parent, but you've still perpetuated the cycle. Those names you called me will stay in my head and heart forever. Your 'apology' is meaningless by this point. If you're capable, do some self-reflecting. Going to therapy. Working through your own tangled-up anxiety, paranoia, ex-husband issues, immense guilt, generational trauma, and depression. Or don't, it's not up to me. I love you as a parent, but I don't like you. I'm learning to separate myself from you with my own support network. Hearing you say "it's because she's not normal" like I'm some kind of circus freak, cut deep. I hate you for that. I hate how it's not my voice in my head. It's yours. The puzzle piece gnome has got to go. You advocate, but you don't /advocate/. Using the liquid / hot sauce was cruel. Stopping me from stimming because it was embarassing or childish was stupid. If that's what you're basing your surface-level understanding of autism on, that we're some gifted child prodigy or slovenly basement-dweller who never grows up, then you've got a lot more to unlearn. Fuck the puzzle piece. The org associated with puzzle and bright, kiddie colors? Autism Speaks. Autism Speaks is an organization made up of people who aren't like me, who don't even care. They perpetuate ABA. A way for people who aren't neurodiverse to control people who are. Sitting still. No stimming. No noise. Sit straight. Be like everyone else. Force kids into the neurotypical mold to comply with society. They research a cure. A CURE. Another reference to autism being like a disease. Killing off a facet would be like destroying my entire personality. My sense of self as a part of several marginalized groups. Even now there's efforts by docs to turn the imperfect into perfect by detecting Downs Syndrome and other disabilities in the womb. It's sickeningly eugenicist. Not accepting of your child having a disability? Might as well kill or try to change them. Autism isn't a superpower. Autism isn't just 'being different'. Autism is genetic, not from vaccines. The doc who wrote that false paper lost his license because he was trying to spread misinformation and underhandedly marketed his own vaccine. It's fake. Autism isn't something to gain pity over. Autism moms feign helplessness to get attention for themselves about their kid.

And your commentary rubs me that way. Makes me uncomfortable. Extremely embarrassed.

It leaves an extremely bad taste in my mouth. Disabled isn't a bad word. Being disabled isn't a goddamn cosmic tragedy. Your Man on High didn't give a disabled kids to parents to make them suffer. As another test. That's shifting the blame that you were shit parents.

" With autism / Has autism " makes it sound like I'm damaged or in need of fixing. " You can't drink / have sex / have kids / stay out late ", that's insulting. Making reference to autistics as " cognitively, they're children in adult bodies ", is infantilizing. " Don't want her sitting in a corner drooling ", way to toss higher-support needs disabled under the bus. " The dog is retarded, I'm retarded ", it's still a slur and is disgustingly dehumanizing.

Not even eighty to a hundred years ago parents like you would drop me off in an asylum and never return. People like me would be lobotomized. Treated like a family pet, an animal to gawk at. A fucking zoo exhibit. What do you think modern-day group homes are, if not a paid prison in all but name and dress code? If I get put in one, how much autonomy and independence am I truly going to have? If you want me to succeed, you have to make an effort to teach me, not just thinking I'll one day come to you. It may take a year, three years, ten years. I don't care. I have friends that'll help. I have a whole community online that sticks with me. I am almost thirty for christs sakes and you still, somewhere in there, expect me to be like a dependent little child. I'm not stupid. I'm not incompetent. I've held my tongue for years. Floor's open but you've always fought me on expressing my values, my opinions, my emotions. But something needs to give. And I'm tired. My anger is mine. My grief is mine. And I'm done.

[akgaereporter]

nct: taeyong and haechan's silly ass "scandals" recently

tldr: a week or so ago taeyong posted a tiktok with chaewon's "dododok" mistake and got so much hate from knetz he deleted it + a few members were dancing during yuta's ment at nct nation and people were calling them disrespectful for that but only focused on haechan.

so im coming to tumblr to rant because twitter stans are getting on my fawking nerves and i know everything i say on that hellish app is pointless because dumb btches will always be dumb btches.

honestly being an nctzen on twitter has never been enjoyable for an extended period of time because this godforsaken fandom is literally a homeless shelter for so many deranged chronically online kpop heads to beg for their pennies of attention. if we're being fr a lot of it has to do with the fcked up management of the group itself.. sm entertainment when i catch you in the streets ..

but recently the way two members in particular have been treated.. i cant even blame the fckass company for this level of degeneracy. yall just bitter and have an average screentime of 10 hours because how can you get so bored of supporting your fav you just start hating on them??? for no reason at all???

a couple days ago ty posted a tiktok with a silly remix audio of chaewons "dododok" mistake she made at a le sserafim's show on tour. that mistake literally went viral and basically all of the kpop industry laughed and copied it and called it cute, because that's what it is, just a cute little mistake we can giggle at and move tf on. the audio ty used was funny and created a trend that is currently going viral in korea.

instead of laughing, calling it a cute interaction, and going about their lives, knetz decided to wake up and be horrible people. what else is new bruh. of course big bad ty had an evil plan to mock the poor defenseless kim chaewon for her terrible mistake that deeply affected her..

please i almost kilt myself when i saw he deleted the tiktok. this is how jesus fans felt when he died like ty is quite literally an angel, his eyes sparkle and he giggles instead of laughing, how can you take him in as a person and still decide to actually bully him for next to nothing. like.. maybe you need to die idk.

and what gets me is the way they were acting like she said her dad died and he used an audio of that. its not that fcking serious dawg. she laughed at the damn joke herself and if they dont stop and pray that he privated the vid instead of deleting i will actually place a generational curse upon the families of pannchoa girls who cant keep his name out their mouth and I STAND BY THAT

and my bias, my boyfriend actually, my snookie ookie pookie bear haechan, god give me strength before i type this bullsht : during the last nct nation concert yuta started giving his ment in japanese, and some members at the other end of the line began dancing and messing around. they immediately stopped when ty motions them to. again, it isnt that fcking serious, but jobless neo investigators created discourse out of it. they didn't interrupt yuta or cause a fuss, they were literally just fidgeting around to pass the time because 20 speeches is a whole lot to listen to in silence.

but of course, its way more serious for nctzens, and furthermore haechan is the main evil villain of princess yutas fairy story. literally half the line started doing the dance but the only tweets getting likes included haechan's name. what the fck is wrong w these hoes seriously when i saw those tweets i thought they punched yuta in the face or sum. when i watched it i had a damn jaw drop at the audacity of these folk. they just keep getting worse at masking the animosity they have for their own favs, haechan in particular. yall claim to be his fans but jump on a hate train that isn't even 2 seconds old like.. are you even trying to like him? the video clearly shows the other members moving too, but somehow their eyes can only see haechans pretty little face and they just cant stand seeing him babygirling the way he did on the 17th of september 2023. it was never that fcking serious bitch, keep your nasty sticky keyboard fingers away from husband 1 and wife 2, i actually cannot stand seeing yall harass them for the stupidest pettiest shit this far and this many hits into their career. you literally know none of them have any ill intent behind the actions they do publicly, unless they say or do something outright offensive or malicious. so until they tell chaewon she's a stuttering ass bitch or roundhouse kick yuta off the stage, shut it up and stop using them for hit tweets damn

all of this just ties back to the fact nctzens are constantly watching THEIR OWN FAVS waiting for them to slip up. knetz chose ty and intlzens chose haechan. yall need to choose yourselves and get the fcking help you need because its not normal to hate on people you have a fan account for. be careful who you call oomf cause these fawking hybrid bitches got split personality disorders, all it takes is alt account and a dream. this is what happens when you choose silly idol boys instead of therapy and i mean that in the most helpful way

going to sleep mad asf smh

-also i was looking for taehyuck pics to put as a header for this post and i realized there's literally almost none?? hello?? haechan taeyong do yall even know each other?? not even a photoshoot or anything just some 10p quality debut pictures like damn haeyong nation yall are dead as hell 😢

[throbbingwish]

Keep wondering when she will just stop being a bitch. I honestly think it's really funny how much she blatantly ignores me and treats me like I don't exist, yet stares at me ALL THE TIME. It's not like I did anything wrong either, all I did was call her out on her bullshit and how she was a shit friend who never liked me, treated me terribly and excluded me. And now suddenly I'm the bitch because I didn't put up with your unfair treatment? The audacity of her saying that me and my few friends splitting from the group "gave her depression". Bull fucking shit, you were one of the main root causes for my diagnosed severe depression that I have to go to therapy for because you treated me like a worthless, invisible piece of dogshit. You act like we're bullies, but you're the fucking bully! All you are is just a lying, manipulative, victim complex asshole who doesn't know how to form a taste of your own so you literally like whatever trending song is on tiktok. You get everyone on your side even though you're incredibly stupid and anyone with half a brain can see through you. You try and make yourself into the victim in every situation, and guilt trip everyone when you don't get your way. Upon meeting someone, you instantly decide that you're never gonna like them or treat them fairly and then exclude and bully them for 3 years! If I ever called you a bully, you would vehemently deny it. But you're worse than those bullies who are just outright cows, you're much meaner than them, you just know how to hide it with a nasty mask of passive aggressiveness. You're a worse bully to me than those girls you criticise have ever been. Eventually, all your friends and loved ones will leave you and you'll end up working as a shrivelled up hair stylist wondering why you wasted your life and peaked in highschool. When you die, nobody will come to your funeral because the only 2 people who supported you now are on the other side of the word living the same pathetic little life as you. I would tell this to you if I could, but you refuse to talk to me. You stare at me all the time yet you're too much of a pussy to actually have a thought out conversation about your behaviour. I wonder how people like you can be so immature and daft, but I'm not surprised. What I am surprised about is how society is 90% people like you, and how you have so many friends. Manipulative cunt.

[azelmaandeponine]

Yeah. Like...if you really think he did nothing wrong, then at this point, you're not a fan of Kieran, you're a fan of the version of Kieran you made up in your head.

Like I was 14 once. I was isolated from my peers (because I'm autistic). I never turned into a bully, because I knew better. Saying "Kieran's 14" as a defense is more DEMEANING than anything.

And the denial of him being a bully is...baffling. It's canon he was. Drayton says he received the same "ex-champion" treatment, Kieran was kicking people out of the club, nearly everyone dropped out because of Kieran, and afterwards, students were afraid of Kieran.

The demonization of Carmine is seriously irritating, because I don't think she'd be nearly as hated if she were a male character. There are male characters in this franchise who are WORSE and have worse development yet people love them.

Carmine's issue is that she's overprotective to the point of detriment. She thinks she always knows what's best for her brother when she really doesn't.

And yeah...a lot of what people complain about re: Carmine is just...normal sibling stuff??? Yeah, she's a bit of a bully, especially to her brother, but her development in Teal Mask was genuine and natural.

And Drayton meant well. He wanted to HELP Kieran. He didn't always go about it in the best way, but people just ignore that and claim he "wanted revenge" or whatever, when he didn't care about the championship. It was about Kieran being a toxic tyrant. Also, as someone who's a low empathy autistic, Drayton can easily be read as such. So seeing people villify him like they do makes me super uncomfortable.

And yeah, media literacy in the Pokémon fandom is a MESS. I'm glad you brought up Kamado and Volo because...it's true. Kamado screwed up and did something awful, but actually a) had a reason deep-rooted in trauma, and b) apologized. So it weirds me out when people say they "don't like how Kamado treats children" then turn around and stan Volo/engage in Volo apologism. Like. Volo's treatment of children is far, far worse. Not to mention Volo tried to delete the universe (an act he fully admits would kill everyone), AND tried to murder a child in cold blood.

But the bullshittery from Kieran Stans gotten to the point where I've been soured on Kieran's character, which is a shame, because I do think he's genuinely well-written.

Kieran Stans learn media literacy challenge.

My reaction to this drivel:

[slasherwhxre]

Pokes head

Cutie if it’s no issue can I ask for your fav killers seeing their girlfriend being bullied by other survivors ? SoloQ have traumatized me 😂

If you’re busy please ignore

Pokes out

you really put me on the spot here. I loved writing this, although it may have been done already. I might do a part two in the future because everyone is just 😫

Masterlist

DbD Killers' Reaction to: You Getting Bullied by Other Survivors

|| Characters: Danny 'Jed Olsen' Johnson, Pyramid Head, Bubba Sawyer, Michael Myers, Frank Morrison

Danny 'Jed Olsen' Johnson:

OH, this was good.

He was hidden behind a nearby tree, watching the campfire as the rest of the losers (his words) listened to the redhead woman's story. She was boasting about her performance in the latest trial. Well, that hadn't been good until he heard your name come out of her mouth. He was almost bored, but that earned back his undivided attention.

Danny struggled to hear between the words as her ugly laugh pierced his ears and made him cringe under the Ghostface mask.

He made out 'fell', 'clumsy', 'useless' and you again.

So, that's how it was.

He'd show her.

Didn't she know revenge killings were among his favorite?

Well, you did, very firsthand. She'd know, too, soon. It's probably why it was a good thing you weren't there now.

Danny, no. You'd say.

Danny, yes. He'd tell himself.

You already knew he'd gladly kill for you, for any reason at all. You had to accept it at some point. It was a compliment.

And as far as he saw, Meg thought she was hot shit, didn't she? 'Look at me, I'm an athlete and I run fast.' He blew a raspberry.

Already, a plan blossomed in his sick mind. You didn't mind if he went through with it and made her suffer for bad-mouthing you, did you? Not that Danny was worried, it was justified. Just not to the extent he'd take it.

Pyramid Head:

They thought he'd tolerate that?

Didn't they know his name?

The Executioner.

He wants to Mori them any chance he gets. It's alright, you tell him.

He knows it's not. You don't have to lie to me. 

You might be able to forgive them, but he won't. It goes against his very being, and he'd rather have you not deal with them. He can take care of it for you.

Pyramid doesn't care if he's scaring them away from ever approaching you again, whatever the result it doesn't stop him from punishing them.

Bubba Sawyer:

Bubba is sadder than you at the revelation.

Him, he'd understand.

But you? They were supposed to be on your side, it was mean, and you were the last person to deserve it, that was his opinion. The sweetest, most hardworking one out of them.

Why would they treat you like that? Soft cannibal boy just didn't understand.

You tried to reassure him, I'm used to it.

That was even worse!

He had more purpose to use his chainsaw and use it well. He'd make the revs count.

Michael Myers:

He was sure Feng could've saved you, so why hadn't she?

At first, he didn't think twice about it.

But then he noticed the pattern.

Any time you were paired up with her in a trial, it would always end with you being sacrificed.

Every. Single. Time.

He knew you were quite good at surviving, he enjoyed trials with you for this reason, so why had it always happened when she was around?

Rest assured, Michael wouldn't let it happen again. You were his to hurt only.

Whatever reason she was doing this for, she'd soon feel the kitchen knife in her back, piercing through her heart.

Frank Morrison:

Of course. It was shithead David.

The Legion wasn't surprised one bit.

He'd end him on command.

Just say the word.

You insisted it was fine, he didn't agree and had a lot to say about it.

'Next time, just tell me where he's hiding.'

'I'm not going to betray my friends.'

He let out maniacal laughter.

Joey, Julie, and Susie were your friends, not that coward King.

"Sure doesn't stop you all from hooking me every trial."

'Babe, c'mon.' A quick kiss.

He couldn't let you off the hook (Heh.) just because you were dating him, but he'd make up to you each time.

Still, you knew he was more than happy to slice up any of the idiots bothering you, you knew that, right?

He might take initiative if he ever witnesses it. Don't try to get in the way, he's sending off a warning to others.

[anxiouslyfred]

Janus who becomes a make-up artist for reasons like 1. it's a socially acceptable way of lying by altering your appearance 2. no-one can comment on them using make-up (to cover a burn/birthmark/hide vitiligo? i'm just picturing Janus getting brutally bullied for something beyond their control as a kid, discovering make-up, and then still getting bullied for using make-up) 3. i'm just thinking of that "if the men find out we can shapeshift, they're going to tell the church" video tbh, it fits Janus so well as an attitude

So writing this reminded me that I can often find questions to be the worse kind of bullying because you can't always tell what the motivations behind asking them are. Fun times.

I loved your ideas and decided to carry on with this as the prompt to write today.

What Eyes See

Janus had never really been ashamed of his scars. Any child could get injured during play, or by the animals around them if their parents didn't pay reasonable attention to them or teach them how to treat creatures gently. They weren't even ashamed of their parents for failing to avoid the situation they got their scars from.

They were however immeasurably done with the questions people freely asked constantly. Just because the scars were on their face did not mean every randomer on the street was invited to know the story of them, nor that anyone could judge Janus for their interest in all animals, including the type that had injured them.

That had been the original reason they picked up some foundation, hoping the make-up could disguise the scar. The effect was poor, worse than useless as Janus would describe it. Their unskilled attempt to hide the scars rather emphasised them and blending the foundation over their entire face felt uncomfortable that first time, as if trying to form a mask from paints.

Janus wasn't known for giving up though and they turned to research, online tutorials at first. They were a little frustrated by the amount of focus videos and tutorials places on eyeshadow, or just the various types of make-up used around the eyes. While the colours could be pretty a lot of it seemed more extreme and noticeable than they'd want for daily use, especially coming from all the attention having been on the scars around their eyes up until now.

Courses for beauticians were where research into shaping and toning the face led Janus next. They'd amended the searches each time they tried to find ways to cover up their scars until the online tutorials focused on shaping. It was the most useful thing they'd learnt for covering up the scars, especially when a few youtube channels they'd found came out with the reverse, teaching people how to give themselves scars with make-up for Halloween.

It was a spiral staircase they'd started following by trying to hide their scars and now wanted to find the end of, whether that be professionally doing make-up or figuring out how to make themself and others look utterly different from some application of highlighters and darker tones.

The course itself interested Janus too, since it wasn't specified in where it could lead the students taking it career wise. People could take it for their own enjoyment, or they could be trying to be a professional make-up artist for weddings and other important events. Most interesting the them however were the descriptions of how theatre's could ask for make-up artists to transform their actors according to need and roles.

Janus looked up character archetypes, things like the cowboy, the prince, the wise elder, the damsel in distress. They spent time in front of the mirror trying to shape their face to the characters, even occasionally figuring out how a character would use body language to convey who they are. They remembered character studies that were assigned in literature classes and found making them physical by acting and creating make-up looks far more effective for understanding.

They asked at the local theatres and city halls if there were any groups who could use a make-up artist on the staff and were amused when each time they went in the receptionists never recognised them. Janus was enjoying the contouring and shaping of their face almost as much as they enjoyed the peace of nobody realising they had scars.

“You seem tired today.” One of the actors commented a few months into Janus taking on occasional shows as the make-up artist.

They paused for a moment, because that wasn't someone asking who they were. It was a comment normally made to a friend, or at least acquaintance regularly met. “It was just a poor nights sleep, Darling. Nothing that will impede on making you the most lovely prince in the world.” They crooned after a moment, not expecting the actor to shake his head and lean away from their steadying hands.

“No. You've been expecting something to be said for a while and I've not figured out what. Today you're taking your time more, pausing to think before choosing shades slightly closer together than usual to use on me. Is there something wrong?” His eyes were piercing, and Janus almost cursed themself for having done the eyeliner already to emphasise the imploring stare.

“How do you even recognise me? I've had to introduce myself to basically everyone every single day I come in.” They countered, fairly sure they wouldn't avoid the conversation this actor was set on having.

He rolled his eyes. “You're Janus, ever slightly pretentious and with a sharp tongue to lash anyone away from you with. You're also the only member of our back-stage crew who wears enough make-up you could probably join us on stage without looking out of place and you are splendid for it. Now let me help with whatever is bothering you.”

Janus frowned, felling uncomfortable with how well this actor had perceived them. They only just managed to remember his name was Roman with how ready they'd remained detached from the people they worked with. It was safer that way, less questions they didn't want to answer for people they barely knew, and less chance of getting hurt if those questions are turned into cruelty. “Roman, I'm just having a bad day and slept poorly. Will you let me finish your make-up sometime before you have to go on stage?”

“Promise me that nobody here has done or said anything to make your day worse.” Roman insisted, still avoiding the hand reaching toward him so Janus could continue with the make-up.

“Just some strangers on the street. Nobody worth getting so energetic over.” They confirmed, shaking their head when a grim but satisfied nod was given. “And if you want to know what was said then merely leave your make-up on as you leave here today. I'm sure someone else will be available to share their comments with you.”

Roman chuckled lowly, “They'll find I'm far less likely to walk away from them with just a few sharp words than you are.”

[cipheress-to-k-pop]

I just read the two “What Have We Done” fics back to back and I love your writing style and how you’re handling the themes of the story. I also want to take the time to gush about the Reader because i have headcanons/theories based on what you’ve given so far in the story.

My main Headcanon about the Reader is mostly that she probably didn’t really interact with people that much before joining YJ, like she was never really bullied but she was mostly treated as an afterthought for most of her life. Because of this, she’s super accommodating to the point where she has very little boundaries. Her accommodating nature mostly stems from her avoiding conflicts that would make people not want to be friends anymore (hence not asserting herself more about her magic, not burning the candle Conner complained about, not coming out of her room for dinner w/o an invitation (which I think is seriously messed up because I get the impression the reader is used to staying locked away during dinner. Seriously, who hurt this poor girl, I just wanna talk...), and staying in her room for her birthday). In addition to being accommodating, she probably doesn’t have the social eptitud or self confidence to make friends on her own. I got this idea due to the fact that she legit had no one else to possibly celebrate her birthday with other than the team. She also could’ve gone out by herself on her birthday to have some fun, get her mind off things, make some friends, etc., but she probably didn’t see that as a valid option at the time. (I might have to re-read the story again, but how did the Reader end up in YJ? )

On a more personal note: when I read how the Team went in the Reader’s room and looked through everything, I had mixed feelings about it. As a private person, I don’t like the idea anyone going through my stuff (so I actually would’ve gotten angrier, but that’s just me 😆). On the other hand, I liked it for the story because amongst the heroes, it seems to be the more you know about a person (whether through conventional means or otherwise), the more of a bond you have, if that makes sense.

Overall, your writing is stunning and I can’t wait to see where you take this story! P.S. sorry for the nonsensical, over-analytical rambles

Fuck my heart did I loop when I saw this in my inbox

First of all, thank you so much! I love you anon!

Second of all, in my head the reader is a kind of person who is alone when she doesn’t have her mask on.

The idea that I had in my head for the reader was that she never knew about her magic and things like that when she was born. This is how I assume the reader’s backstory.

Her birth parents sent her to the human world for her safety, kind of like a whole superman situation, and her adoptive (?) parents were spelled into believing that she was their child and taking her in. At this point, reader has no idea what she is or how to perform magic. She was taught her ancient language and sometimes uses it but her parents just think she’s speaking in some childish made up language.

Now, her relationship with her parents is a little strained because they were never really around because of work but they send her to a private school where she makes a lot of friends. But that's not to say that they didn't have good times together.

A few years later, she figures out she has magic, and finds a bunch of old spell books that were written in her language and she finds a term that loosely translate to blood binder which she figures out is what she is.

She’s still young and reveals herself to her parents because she thinks they’ll be accepting but when they figure out she’s not their real daughter, they pull her out of the private school, hence loses all her friends and her relationship with her parents gets even worse.

Until one day she’s using magic and they completely freak out and she runs away.

Now here’s where her journey with the team begins. Superman is the one who finds her in Metropolis after he hears her cast a spell. He brings her to the team in the disconnected way that he does and Conner already doesn’t like her.

Zatanna is already part of the team and reader has no idea about the different classes of magic and stuff like that because she’s mostly self taught so she tries to become friends with Zatanna but when she realizes their magic isn’t the same, Zatanna becomes kind of cold.

Here begins her almighty journey of trying to gain their approval. For whatever reasons, she just isn’t able to connect with the rest of the team since they’re already a well oiled machine and she feels out of place. The team doesn’t try to include her in stuff either.

She usually hangs out in her room mostly because it’s awkward. I mean, I would totally relate if there were these people who were just lounging around in the living room, I’d try to join in but if it’s awkward then I would just haul my ass back to my bed and spend time with myself. So, while she’s holed up in her room, someone in the living room would be like ‘hey do you want to get some pizza’ and then they’re all getting pizza and they forgot to invite her.

In reader’s head it’s not like the team doesn’t like her, it’s just that they haven’t really gotten a opportunity to bond so she keeps waiting for the moment but is also too scared to ask because she’s scared of rejection.

She doesn’t feel at home.

It’s like when you’re living at someone else's house. If they told you to stop burning a candle cuz they didn’t like it then you would stop doing it. She doesn’t want to be a bad guest, even though it’s supposed to be her home. Totally trying to gain their approval.

She doesn’t get enough opportunity to prove herself because she isn’t the best at anything. She can’t fight and can only do magic but there isn’t anyone to teach her that either. Since she’s practically a beginner in training, she trains separately too with Dinah.

Smiling depression. People really can’t tell that she’s depressed because she’s always putting others needs ahead of herself.

‘Oh you ate all the food? No problem I wasn’t even hungry.’ Even though she hasn’t eaten all day and no one gives her allowance so she can’t go out and buy it so she has to wait until Batman restocks the kitchen because she doesn’t want to tell him and cause inconvenience.

‘Oh you all want to pair up and leave me to go solo and leave me as backup in the bioship even though this is my first mission? Sure, I could watch the pros in action.’ And then sits all alone in the ship for hours and they forgot to include her in the mental link and she doesn’t want to call them on comms to tell them that and distract them

Seconds guesses everything she does.

And doesn’t do what she wants in case it would disturb someone else.

‘Like, oh this innocent banana which is just sitting on the counter? I can’t eat that. What if someone else wanted to eat it?’

Hence why she buys snacks with whatever small allowance she gets and hides it in her desk. Eats it sparingly though because she’s the type of person who will think ‘Oh I don’t need to eat it now. What if I really really need it later and then there’s nothing to eat.’

Type to get deliriously happy if anything small happens and it amuses the JLA cuz they just think that she’s cute and smol and gets excited but it’s really because she never gets anything so when she does get something she wants to make sure you knew she’s grateful.

Takes pics at each mission because she enjoys the short time she feels like an equal. Writes notes on the back of each pic that the others didn’t see when they came inside her room.

‘Wally and I did a combo move and took out a couple of people.’ ‘Robin said nice throw to me’ ‘Aqualad said we did a nice job and he looked at me too’ ‘Artemis and Conner protected me’

Touch starved

As to why she didn’t go out on her own and celebrate her birthday. She wasn’t going to treat her birthday as a special day. Was just gonna go about it without telling anyone cuz why would she want to seem selfish and tell them and seem like she was trying to fish for some gifts or something like that?

So when she sees the party she’s like ‘omfg people actually care about me? All of my insecurities and fears and nightmares that I thought might be true isn’t? They actually care about me? They care about me enough to hang up décor and bake a cake? I would’ve been over the moon if they just wished me a happy birthday! are those presents? omg are those for me? seriously?’

Ready to cry tears of joy then and there

And then they break her heart because it’s just for Zatanna.

And again she puts their happiness of her own because she doesn’t want to cause inconvenience. Doesn’t want to yell and have a fight because she’s scared of them. Feels as though she isn’t their equal.

Until Klarion comes and tells her he has everything she’s ever wanted waiting right in her reach if she just takes a step towards him. She just needs to show him that this is what she wants and he’ll handle everything. And she’ll be loved and cared for and her worth will finally be noticed.

It isn’t about spite or showing the team who really is the best.

It’s about finally wanting to be seen and loved and accepted.

All she has to do is sacrifice her morals. Just a little bit. And she’d finally have everything she’s ever wanted.

And everything from the past months comes to her mind, being rejected by her parents, her old friends, her team. Finally someone is asking her to be with him. And she wants that so badly.

And she wants the team to know that this isn’t about revenge or anger. So she tells them to see the security footage. So they can see that she just wants to be loved. Not because she wants power.

So....here’s my hot take! Hope you liked it!

[faithfromanewperspective]

thank you so much for all of your kind words and multiple reblogs: i am genuinely blown away that you think my writing does that 🥺 and yeah, that's true I guess, they're always acknowledging Matthew (as they should) but. I guess it makes sense with the plot. while there's a prince of hell out and about it's probably not the time, and chain of thorns wasn't really structured to deal with the aftermath. which there always is.

like i get being 17, thinking that you have everything that you want, and the buzz of excitement that masks everything you've felt, and you're 17 so you think what you're feeling right now is all that there is, all there ever is, but it is going to catch up to you. and i only hope that they're prepared for it. I would love to read your analysis so much!!

and honestly, I think the bracelet is what I blame mostly for taking away his chance to process all that. the academy was intense, he was basically blamed for the death of another kid, his bully no less who he'd have complex feelings about--on top of everything else. like he went straight from there to the fever episode at cirenworth (no wonder his poor little immune system was not up to fighting off Any Pathogen but anyway) to Mind Control Spell. like maybe it meant he didn't feel too different from everyone else due to his--basic empathy for mundanes--there's silver linings to most things--but it will catch him now that the muting effect of the bracelet (for better or worse) is so jarringly and permanently gone. he's got a fair bit more autonomy now he's almost 18 and moved out to actually act on his convictions now than at 13-14 and dealing with his parents' reactions to the discrimination they were facing as well as his own and trying to protect his little sister. and one thing I'm learning now is that anger at injustice doesn't just go away when you try and suppress it to survive in a world that treats you as 'other' the minute you question its norms but actually sometimes becomes this insurmountable barrier against the world and it's best to pick the 'low hanging fruit' to act on for that authenticity and satisfaction. just to feel a little lighter. so it's been very relevant to me and james just happens to be a character in a conveniently similar situation.

as for his friendship with christopher, it's got to be one of my favourite, if not my absolute favourite, dynamic in the whole series. for all the accidental projected ableism, they really are so similar and different in complementary ways and you can see how much james appreciates the weapons kit makes for him, the validation of his reckless heroic bravery. and you can see how much christopher appreciates anyone who is open to experiment. hungry to make change in the world in any way. i hate how little this was explored, and the way canon has prevented it going forward. because they're so young and often it's your 20s that really are where you grow into who you are, what you love and care about and value and find the community who build you up in that. james and christopher are both quiet revolutionaries. (matthew is in a way too, he's more like a living work of art that it's an emotional and life-changing experience just to live life in his general vicinity; and thomas is the glue of the group that keeps the others from self-destructing but he's revolutionary in his own way in how he loves and protects and sees the world) but anyway. I guess I have Ideas And Strong Opinions on how their little group of four would evolve going forward based on their ambitions and personalities and new players and the way sometimes who you grate against the most is who you end up being closest with. I'll have to write a Christopher-positive au at some point, but for now we have this.

(actually i have a chapter on its way to ao3 in the next 36hrs, would you like a tag when i do?)

something like a snippet, i can never keep/ideas in a line and plot of what i see

(to the tune of starting line by luke hemmings)

i was thinking a lot about discovering myself as a musician and an athlete and a way that works for me with my ideals and my neurodivergence and just being in that space where my whole body is burnt out and all but the most authentic options are limited. and also about how gifts that you don't have autonomy over aren't gifts at all and it's natural to get traumatised by things that others who don't know your circumstances don't--

and this came. it's part of a fic going on to 50K words that you will get to read in its entirety once it has a semblance of structure to it. in the meantime it's full of holes, like the stereotype of cheese. this is a flavoursome bit i hope? and i hope it makes sense without whatever background i may or may not have half written for it. i hope it sheds a bit of light on Important Things To Talk About too:

The adults in the enclave had really stepped up, James thought, compared to the last year or so when London went from having no demons, to being overrun with Khora and then being Belial’s plaything. It had taken them a while to realise and acknowledge all the bad decisions that were made during that time, but they had. He’d lost track of all who had come to him about it, apologised for all he and his friends had gone through at the hands of Belial and Tatiana. He drew an iratze on his wrist, cutting through the fog (and ignoring an intrusive thought wondering how much longer he might have to do this for). Still heavy with grief and what he assumed was his body simply processing all that had happened to them, he made his way up to the training room to get in some throws before Matthew and Jesse arrived.

In another world, the three of them might train with Christopher as well, and James would continue for hours with the novelty of a slightly modified weapon that he and his cousin were working out how to use—it would be useful, eventually, after a few more modifications, Kit would promise, but James would just try again and again to adjust his stance, his grip, to whatever new thing this was even when Matthew grew bored and Thomas sat down with him. Back when Thomas was still small, still discouraged at the idea of ever being a great Shadowhunter. Before he got it in his head that chasing murderers alone was a good idea and Alastair had come along and, unexpectedly, been the catalyst along with the year in Spain that brought Thomas out of his shell. When had they lost that? Was it normal for friendship to be like that at their age, each too caught up in their own struggles to see what was going on below the surface, behind the facades of the boxes one put one’s friends in just to feel like one had a handle on how the world worked, and feel like something was predictable?

They had gained a much bigger group of friends than they knew how to handle, roles they hadn’t yet grown into, and no life-changing battle (or three) was without casualties. James couldn’t thank enough whatever turns of fate had brought Cordelia to him, even if the events actually had been Elias’ blunder and him burning a house down at Grace’s request. He hadn’t realised how seventeen years of pent-up frustration and disconnect from the world (which weren’t anyone’s fault, not his, nor that of anyone who loved him) could wear one down slowly. And it took being around those who saw every part of his being, who loved him and let him be free entirely, finding his own way in the world without the pressure of living up to his parents’ legacy, to realise how much he’d been suppressing the urge to escape he never felt like it was possible to fulfil—and that he could live a life of little joys among the responsibilities of protecting mundanes from supernatural dangers.

He'd been resting a lot lately, breathing through nightmares in which Belial was still at large—either possessing him or taunting from afar—just to wake with Cordelia by his side, in a world filled only with the smaller demons he’d learned from young to defeat. He found solace once again in the stories of mundane magicians who, like him, faced discovery of mystery and of a world no one else seemed to be impacted by. Occasionally he’d wonder if there was a future where Shadowhunters or warlocks could counsel these curious mundanes through what they had found as Jem had done for him—surely that would work towards the same end as killing demons? But for now it was enough to know that there was a vast world of human experience, far broader than the narrow-minded and sheltered enclave of London would have him believe. There were people out there restless, searching for more, with a curiosity stronger than their instinct to survive.

James’ throw missed its mark, and he tried to concentrate on the next one. His mind was loud today, and in the last months he’d realised that sometimes it was more beneficial just to pause and let himself think for a bit than try to control it like he did with everything. There were limits to control. That doesn’t mean a world you don’t have control over is too scary or unbearable, he told himself, and he'd keep telling himself until he believed it.

He positioned his feet for the next throw, and as he shut his eyes to feel his body, he saw on the back of his eyelids something he didn’t know why he’d been thinking about so much. A magician called Roland the Astonishing, advertised on posters around the city. Mundane magicians were largely ignored by Shadowhunters, except in rude offhand statements loaded with exasperation: exasperation that they were doing what they were doing, endangering themselves and others, and Shadowhunters like himself were powerless to stop them.

But maybe stopping them just wasn’t the right answer. He missed Christopher in that moment, Christopher who would simply say that if one potential solution did not work they should simply try another.

Another solution. Another path to a world where James Herondale could still be a Shadowhunter. He opened his eyes and in an instant before he could think too hard about it, let the knife fly. Bullseye.

Maybe the way he was training right now just wasn’t what he needed. More of the same thing he’d done since he was a child. Maybe the way that he felt when Shadowhunters around him—competent, as they were, about keeping the city free from demons—spoke of mundanes and Downworlders, especially those who tried to meddle in worlds that weren’t there—was to be expected knowing his heritage.

Maybe it wasn’t a bad thing. Maybe it was a gift, like the shadow powers he sometimes wished he could have discovered at his own will, learn to manage the way one would manage a horse or a motorcar when driving. Rather than only ever learning skills that were more akin to someone learning how to flip out of the way of and mislead and even land on to try to have some influence over, a tiger you were trapped in a cage with. He was still learning to release that stress, that terror, from his body. Surely that was why this magician seemed to resonate with James in such a profound way. He was free, yet likely felt lost at the same time. And there was something about him. James wasn’t an artist, not by any stretch, so he couldn't use an artist's eye to ask himself: why did his face look so familiar?

He could ask Matthew, he supposed, but somehow—this was something he had to figure out on his own. Not with the assistance of any other Shadowhunter (he would tell Cordelia about it when she was finished training with Lucie for the day, but she would simply listen and thank him for telling her, which didn’t count). At least, not anyone who was born a Shadowhunter.

James threw another knife. Another bullseye. He knew he didn’t get as energetic as Matthew or even Lucie or Christopher did when they were excited, but he could feel it in his veins already: something freeing, something a bit like possibility and hope and the excitement of a new perspective that might just give him a new insight into exactly who he was and what his place was in the world. Something he remembered snippets of amid the crushing dread and shame and tiredness not unlike what he now felt, back when he and Lucie had stayed in Cirenworth Hall after the Academy. If he ignored the scalding fever and the way it left holes in his memory even now, he could imagine the warmth and hope building up in a crescendo like Jem sometimes played on his violin: right up until the moment he fell in love with Cordelia.

Before Grace had killed it with that spell and his life was once again marked by dull despair punctuated only by the pain of being apart from her, and the small relief he felt being around his friends and Cordelia.

Now wasn’t the time to think about Grace. He scribbled a note to Matthew and Jesse—training with three people could be awkward anyway—and set off to find another old friend from his time at the academy who was well versed in everything about mundanes, magicians, the experience of discovering the Shadow World, and might just have some ideas about how it might relate to him. She might even be able to point him to why this magician even looked so familiar (if not for some shared longing in their souls).

James threw another knife and didn’t even bother to retrieve it from the wall (where it had struck the target for the third time), before going to find Esme Hardcastle.

[thepapillonnoir]

•Reunion

I got the idea from the MariChatMay 2022 Calender Day 7, there isn't a Marichat scene here.

"Girl, I know things happened... Juleka told me that she noticed there was really something off after Luka spoke to her about what happened," Alya made her mind more open, especially because her best friend needs her more than her. Her hands were at Marinette's shoulders after hugging her, making sure that her best friend felt that she was there for her now, "I'm sorry, I never really listened to your side fully, tell me."

Marinette smiled sweetly, "Oh there's a lot," as she removed Alya's hands on her shoulders gently to hold it, "And it's fine, I know you guys just had a different perspective, especially Lila came to you first."

Juleka muttered, "I know my brother loves you, but he made a big point," no one heard her.

They all brought food, Adrien could afford them easily so they wouldn't have to bring anymore but sweets and junk food were strictly banned from their grocery list because of his father's overprotectiveness, so he was all giggly while eating at their party, their little reunion. Happy with his friends, finally knowing who was the love of his life behind the masks, and the snacks, especially the Dupain-Cheng food.  All night, all he did was look at Marinette and daydream about their future.

On the other hand, Marinette was busy explaining everything to her friends so, she didn't really mind Adrien too much cause she had her time being crazy in the bathroom.

They were sitting in a circle as Marinette was explaining her side to everyone.

Juleka, Nino, and Alya still had questions until Sabrina hesitatingly butted in, "It's true!" she said out loud. Everyone's attention was on her now, she got flustered but she knew she needed to continue. "I-it's true, I only accepted to go here to spy on what's gonna happen cause Chloe went out with her mother..." She looked at everyone else, and they were not surprised, "Chloe and Lila joined forces, they both really hate Marinette because of him," he looked at Adrien who was munching all the food from the other side of the room. Marinette blushed, she found him cute even with the gluttony.

"Well... Sabrina spoked..." Juleka pointed it out because they all knew Sabrina wouldn't just betray her best friend unless it was out of hand.

"So... why would you just admit that?" Nino asked, he didn't completely trust Sabrina because of Chloe.

"Well," Sabrina looked at Marinette then continued, "I consider Marinette... a caring close friend, I know you all think I'm crazy for still treating Chloe as my best friend... we have a different kind of friend language... but other than that, I don't trust Lila... Chloe is a bully and all but I know her, she still has kindness inside her heart."

Alya slightly interrupted with a snigger, Marinette bumped her arm toward Alya, "Okay, okay, sorry," she apologized as she was calming down.

"Marinette saved me a lot in many situations and supported me too even if my best friend is her bully. Most of all, I don't want Chloe being involve with anything worse. You, Me, and Adrien know what's up with Lila," Sabrina said to Marinette in front of everyone, "I hope you three... are convinced..."

"I am now, especially since you just spoke behind Chloe," said Juleka. The couple also agreed.

"Other than that, I think Lila is up with something deeper..." Sabrina said seriously.

They all thought about it deeply, also Adrien, he joined the circle just when he finished eating almost all the food.

They made many theories, from the silliest to the ones that could make sense. They came up, laughing, wondering what if Lila was only crushing on Marinette so hard that she just planned the whole tour for Adrien to stay away from her. They also came to the point where they theorized Lila was Hawkmoth or she is working for her.

Adrien took glances at Marinette, happily seeing his love enjoying the time as the four of them, Juleka and Sabrina, were watching a movie. Nino and Alya were also playing super Penguino beside them, everyone thinks they were getting too addicted to it.

It was late until everyone was ready to go to bed. Adrien's room was so wide that they could fit five California king beds, but they all agreed with the sleeping bags. Adrien joined them on the floor too cause he had never done it before, wondering why they even have sleeping bags in their house.

Marinette couldn't sleep, overthinking hits her more when she's about to sleep, so she got up and went to sit on the couch that faces the windows.

The moon was up in the sky, once again reflecting light beautifully.

"May I join you?" a sound that made Marinette blush. Adrien sat next to her as she nodded slowly, blushing. They could hardly see each other than their sides outlined with the moon's light.

"I know you're not okay... I'm not gonna ask it, I can see," Adrien said as he moved closer to Marinette.  Of course, he knew she wasn't okay, he knew that both the sides of her double-life just got harder. Most of all, he knew that he needed to be there for her all the time.

"Yeah, there are a lot of things that are running crazy in my mind," Marinette answered, obviously leaning her head on Adrien's shoulder.

Adrien felt fireworks and butterflies inside his heart when she did that.

"Marinette..." Adrien wants to confess his feelings but is still hesitant because he knows Marinette was in love with someone, and he's not sure who yet. Marinette didn't answer.

"I'm here for you, through the good and bad. I see how to work so hard for everyone, Marinette, you're amazing, " Adrien held Marinette's hand. "You're someone... really dear to me... and I love you."

Adrien got a little nervous when he noticed Marinette didn't say a word after all of that. Until he realized that the girl had fallen asleep.

Marinette felt so relaxed when Adrien sat close next to him, that she fell asleep.

"You pass out a lot don't you," Adrien whispered with a slight gentle laugh. He looked at Marinette, being in the dark, his eyes finally adjusted a bit where he could slightly see her face supported by the moonlight. He made his face closer to hers, about to kiss her lips but he stopped midway, with a sad face. It would be very inappropriate he said to himself in his thoughts.

Instead, he kissed the back of her hand, "It's you and me against the world, my Lady."

---

I played with za lights, and here we are. I can't even believe I drew that. 😆❤️🌺

[giorno-plays-piano]

No Mercy

Pairing: Bakugo Katsuki x thief!Reader

Warnings: non-con, yandere, sex pollen, minor depiction of violence, threats, stalking, allusion to kidnapping, both Bakugo and reader are adults!

Words: 2388.

Summary: Obviously, you have chosen a wrong night to rob that electronics store.

P.S. Yay, this is my first BNHA story! 

By the way, there is absolutely no real science in this fic, please don’t bully me for it ahahahah

_________________________

Oh dear, it was getting worse.

That morning you had a feeling you better stay home tonight, but your rent wasn't going to pay itself, so you still went out to rob that ugly little electronics store you stumbled upon a few days ago. Now you were being chased by one of the most popular pros, Ground Zero, and saints, you really hoped to keep all your limbs attached to your body: the guy was mad.

Really, you weren't such a villain he had probably pictured you to be. Your job in the cafe wasn't paying well, but with no education whatsoever it was hard to find something else, especially since that big makeup store you finally got yourself in went bankrupt after a villain attack. Your dad wasn't the one to help you stay afloat either, so, with that odd Quirk of yours, there was just one thing left to do.

With a loud sound of something exploding to your right, you jumped in the narrow back alley on the left and prayed Bakugo to at least bring you to a police station instead of finishing you off here. Seriously, who he thought you were? Someone from the League of Villains, huh? You were miserable enough trying to evade his punches, and your knees were already trembling as you were reaching your limit.

Shit, now you'd have to use that embarrassing Quirk of yours and hope it will do something decent.

Despite your Quirk manifesting itself when you were 4 just like everybody else, you were so ashamed of it you did all you could to never bring it up or use it. How embarrassing was it to have an ability to produce animal secretion right out of your hands? One time you had literally sprayed skunk defensive secretion in the class, and after that you had been called a Stinky Girl for the rest of your school days. Damn, even remembering it now was making you ashamed of yourself.

Of course, your control over your Quirk was miserable. You struggled to predict which secretion it would produce, hoping it would be something distracting enough for a hero to let you go, but oh boy Ground Zero didn't seem like the type to be scared of skunk's spray.

Staring at the dead end, you were ready to laugh hysterically - that is, if you had any time left, but Bakugo had already grabbed you by the shoulder and yelled something offensive in your ear, ready to put you down to the ground. Well, it was now or never.

Within a second you took off your black glove you'd always worn on your missions and slapped hero's cheek, leaving an angry red mark on his pale skin. The next moment you were on the ground with a very, very mad Bakugo hovering over you with such expression as if he was going to murder you in cold blood right now.

Apparently, your Quirk was useless, after all. Preparing for the worst, you stared at him, wide-eyed and trembling like a leaf, your hands up defensively to prevent him from harming you. In the end, you didn’t even steal anything as Ground Zero stormed off in the store.

But he didn't hit you. Actually, he didn't do anything at all as you stared at him nervously. He just... stood there with a grimace on his face and did nothing at all.

Oh, was it something new? Did you Quirk finally prove itself useful for once? It was a damn miracle.

"What did you do to me, bitch?" He suddenly barked, and you saw his cheeks slowly getting red as if the temperature went up all of a sudden. "What the fuck is this?!"

Shit. Civet oil. Of course, you couldn't even make some decent quantity to make him repulsed, so now all you got was a completely opposite effect.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?"

Hiccupping, you got up just as he seemed to lean closer to you, so you ended up smashing your forehead against his, and both of your groaned. Although you fell back again, in a couple of seconds you were running for your life with Ground Zero being unusually slow somewhere behind you. Oh shit, now he was going to fuck and kill you. What a nice day you were having.

Struggling to keep running - you didn’t even understand at what part of the city you were now - you were getting out of breath, but you no longer heard Bakugo behind your back, and it was certainly calming. Did civet oil make him slow? You weren't sure what exact effects it had except for the most obvious one. Maybe you got lucky, for once. Maybe he'd let you go just this time, and you'd do your absolute best to find a decent job and stop robbing people. Well, you weren't even robbing regular people, just snobby store owners who'd get their money back with an insurance, anyway. You had never hurt anyone physically! Why treating you as if you were some dangerous criminal?

Whatever. Ground Zero was nowhere to be seen, so you simply landed on the ground in one of small filthy backyards in a shady part of the city. Oh boy, what a run. You thought the guy was literally ready to kill you.

The cold wall you leaned on didn't feel pleasant, but it was better than staying on your feet with your knees trembling and heart beating so fast as if you ran a marathon. Yeah, to think of it, you definitely could call it a marathon.

As you finally took off your mask and wiped your face with your palm, you heard a low growl somewhere to your left, "I'm gonna fucking break you, woman."

Shit.

Scrambling to your feet, you tried dodging him but you were no match to a real pro, especially someone as good at combat as Ground Zero: you ended beneath him within a second, painfully slammed to the ground as he cursed at you, pulling your hair. Apparently, this was the end of you. The civet oil only made the hero more enraged instead of distracting him.

"Ah! It hurts!" You whined at the hair pulling and heard a dangerous hiss above you.

"Do you think this doesn't fucking hurt?"

It was impossible not to feel his obvious arousal, his painfully hard cock pressing against your lower back as the hero suddenly sniffed your hair, then making some weird noises while trying to undo his pants. Nononono, you weren't having this, you'd gladly accompany the hero to the police station where they'd cuff you and put you in prison but not let Ground Zero have his way with you.

"Get off! GET OFF!"

Your attempts to throw him off were futile, and soon he was pulling down your own pants, "You did this to me, didn't you?! So be a good girl and maybe I won't fucking kill you."

You bit down on your lower lip, your hands bound together with his belt.

Huh, there was no other way.

______________

You came back home around 3 am completely exhausted, dirty and hurt, but it was still better than being thrown in prison after a long Interrogation in a police station. Ground Zero had finally taken some pity on you after all he'd done - oh it hurt, it hurt so bad in between your thighs because you hadn't been in relationship for long, but the hero was neither patient nor gentle with you. It was a miracle he actually let you go after this miserable incident somewhere in the outskirts of the city. Was he at least a little ashamed at what he did? Did he feel any remorse? Although it certainly didn't seem like, maybe he let you go because of it.

"Or he was just afraid to deliver me to police in such state," you chuckled grimly at yourself, grabbing first-aid kit and trying to do something with all these bruises and bites. You still had to take your 10-hour shift in the cafe today, and you could barely imagine how you were going to survive.

Of course, you only slept for a couple of hours before you had to get up: that morning you put so much makeup your boss would definitely scold you, but it was better than showing up with a face of a zombie. Of course, everyone managed to see how you winced while walking. Thank god you were able to convince them of your fall yesterday's evening: you actually only worked half a day as your boss took pity on you and let you go home.

Shit, it was time to put an end to your night adventures. You'd better find one more job and work a whole night long than live through this one more time, humiliated and hurt.

By the time you got home with a grocery bag in your hand, you felt like all you were going to do today was falling down on your bed and staring into the ceiling for hours. It still hurt. It was still embarrassing to remember what he did to you. You still wanted to slap him real hard and then yell at him at the top of your voice.

Funny enough, you actually had a chance to do all that since you found Ground Zero dressed as civilian sitting on your couch.

For a couple of seconds you froze on your place, unable to believe your eyes. What the hell was he doing here? What, yesterday's wasn't enough for this bastard, was it? Did he come to make you even more miserable?

Despite fear rising in your chest, it was soon replaced by fury mixed with disgust: who did he think he were to just break into your apartment like this? You might be a thief, but even you had the right to be delivered to police and then wait till the court decided upon your punishment. Nobody had given Ground Zero permission to rape you or follow you like some sick stalker!

"You live in some fucking hole." He grumbled as he saw you walking much slower than your usual pace, and you thought it was guilt you saw on his face for a mere second.

"Welcome to a fucking hole, then." You hissed at him in return and put your bag on the floor while taking your shoes off and wincing from pain. "If you came to finally take me to a police station, let me put food in the fridge, at least."

Not that you'd need it after your arrest, but the thought of leaving the grocery bag on the floor and let the food rot made you nauseated. You detested throwing away food with all your heart.

"Food? You call this food, huh?" He was already peeking inside the bag and scrunching his face at the sight of cheep noodles and gyoza.

"Yeah, we call it food here, rich boy." You let out a growl, mad at his attempts to make you feel humiliated even more than you already did.

He clearly didn't expect such treatment from someone whom he had taken advantage of so easily, and for several moment the man had a perplexed expression, unable to believe you were so brave despite the fact your knees were trembling. He probably thought it was a facade, but you didn't care. All this wouldn't end well for you, anyway.

"I'm not rich." He sent you a glare, and you felt like laughing in his face.

"If you don't have to steal to pay your rent, you're rich."

He grimaced but said nothing at all as you went to the kitchen, dragging the bag with you. You wondered if he felt sorry for you, but you didn't want his pity. Not from the one who did this to you. In fact, the only thing you wanted from him was leaving you alone.

Besides, you kept thinking why on Earth wasn't he dressed as a hero if he came explicitly to take you to a police station? Heroes like him loved showing off, you were sure. Why did he come like this? If he thought of repeating yesterday's night, you'd fucking stab him in the groin with a kitchen knife.

"So, how many heroes have you fucked like that?"

You felt a sudden urge to stab him right now and barely kept yourself away from a box where you kept cutlery. "I do three heroes a day and three villains at night," you growled at him, disgusted with his attitude, "what, didn't you feel it when you were raping me?"

Your reply took him aback, but he recovered quickly, "Who was raping you, silly woman? You did it to yourself!"

"Yeah, I've always dreamed of being taken by some sickening, primitive hero in a dirty alley, that's more than any girl could ask for."

Huh, apparently, cat got his tongue: Ground Zero stared at you, unable to believe your words. What, did he really think you loved being treated like this? Did he have any idea what making love was? Anything about normal, adequate relationship between a man and a woman? Maybe you weren't the most law-abiding woman in the city, but you were still a decent person, and the fact that Ground Zero expected you to manipulate him into raping you was repulsive.

"Listen, just hand me over to police already. What are you waiting for, Ground Zero?"

All the food was long put in the fridge and kitchen cabinets. Staring intensely at the man who shouldn't even be here, you crossed your arms over your chest, expecting him to drag you out of the house, but when he stepped closer to you it felt suffocating. Shit, the fear was coming back when you saw his expression darkened, his red pupils dilating when he grabbed your arm above the elbow and pulled you to him. Was he really going to do this to you?

You expected him to snap at you, but when he spoke he sounded strangely cold and collected.

"First, you will call me Bakugo from now on," he voice was dangerously low, "Second, I haven't come all the way here to bring to a fucking police station. You will come with me, do you understand?"

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I didn’t put my regular taglist here since it was only made for Marvel fics, but please let me know if your want to be on my BNHA taglist, too!

[shannonthewriter]

Dancing With A Stranger Part Two 

Part One

Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz×Fem!Reader

Summary: The boy that you have had a crush on since middle school, doesn't seem to be the same person that you had learned to love. He was one of your best friends, and now he just seemed like a stranger you pass on the streets. 

Word Count: 1,715

Warnings: None 

"Give me a break

I'm melting away

You're so dangerous

Or is it too late?

Gotta know what's on your mind

I'm out of control

'Cause you want it all

You're so dangerous

My biggest mistake

I'm blinded by your eyes"

 The days continued on, and your relationship with Eli grew, but you two still had kept it under the radar. That was Eli's choice and you respected his wishes, because you knew his reasoning, he wanted to keep you away from the bullying as much as he could. 

"Cyber bullying is no laughing matter. Sending a cruel message to someone online can be just as hurtful as saying it to their face." You felt yourself wanting to roll your eyes, the people that needed to hear this weren't going to listen, they didn't care. The school putting up signs for no bullying didn't do anything either, they were just pieces of paper. "Now, I'm not going to name names, but the other day a mother called me up, because her son was crying. After some kids online made fun of his facial deformity." 

People around you began to whisper, because everyone knew who she was talking about. You didn't try to hide the sad look on your face as you went to reach for Eli's hand, holding it in yours under the table. His free hand was going up to cover his lips, which only made you feel worse, and it made you want to do something, but you didn't even know what to do.

 "But today, our goal is to make the school a safe space for all students." She finished up the long useless speech, because you knew it was only going to cause more trouble, especially since she basically calling Eli out in front of the whole school. 

"You know, if you're sick of getting bullied, mt karate dojo is looking for new recruits." Miguel turned his head to look at Eli. He has been trying to get people to join the dojo since the first day of school, and it was clear that he wasn't giving up anytime soon. 

"Yeah right. You hear that Eli?" Your attention turned to Demetri, who had been negative about it anytime the subject had been brought up. A little karate training, and you're gonna kick some major ass." He spoke as he mocked some karate hand chops. 

"I'm serious Demetri. My sensei's the real deal. I'm sure I could get you two discounts, even you Y/n, if you would want to join as well." Miguel spoke, bringing you into the conversation, as he had never tried hard to push the subject onto you before. 

"As enticing as that sounds, I think we'd rather spend our afternoons playing Crucible Control than getting hit in the face." Demetri spoke on the behalf of Eli and himself. He also knew better to speak on your behalf, because he knew how much you hated it, and wouldn't be scared to express your opinion. 

You couldn't help but roll your eyes, sometimes you hated how Demetri treated Eli, even if the two were best friends, Eli was his own person after all, and he should be able to speak for himself. Although you and Eli had been together for a while, it was your decision not to tell Demetri, because you knew he was just going to make things weird. You were about to speak up when the subject of the Halloween dance came up, and some boring things were said about costumes. You hadn't gotten your costume yet, but you still had a few days before actually needing it. You knew you wanted to do something cute and sexy, because you knew most girls would, but you didn't want to do the teenage girl thing and go as something south. There was also a part of you that wanted a costume that had a mask, so you could wear what you wanted, and no one would know it was you. 

 When the night of Halloween came, you chose to go with a Snow White themed costume, since your little brother wanted to go as a knight, and you would have to take him trick-or-treating before the dance. You wanted to go as a nurse once you learned what Eli was going to go as, but you had already promised your little brother and you didn't want to let him down. You smiled at yourself in the mirror as you finished up your makeup, just in time to hear your brother start to run up and down the hall in excitement. 

  

 "Calm down, you might trip and fall, then it's no trick-or-treating for you!" You called out as you grabbed your phone off the charger and headed out of your room. You could hear his chuckle as he ran down the stairs, excitingly waiting for you as he continued to run in a circle around the living room. 

"Remember we'll be out late, Harper should be here in a few hours to watch over Mason so you can go to the school dance." Your mother speaks as she finishes putting her earrings in. "Try not to stay out too late, just try to keep me or your father updated on your whereabouts." You nod your head in agreement, as it wasn't a huge request on her end. 

"Should be easy enough to do." You nod your head with a smile before your father came down the stairs, fixing his tie, and stood next to your mom. "Come on Mason, you want to get a head start before all the good candy is all gone!" You call out as you headed to the door, your little brother quick on your heals. 

The plan was to stay in the neighborhood, hit all the houses before you would bring your brother back home, so you would be able to head to the dance. Within two hours, your brother had a large full bag of candy and you were exiting your car to head into the dance. It was already packed, that didn't shock you, everyone was here while the kids were still out, then the real parties would start. The dance had only been going on for about an hour, but it was lasting most of the night, to keep the students from going out and drinking and doing things they shouldn't be doing. 

It was hard to find Eli at first, since the gym was full and he had yet to answer any of your messages. You hoped that he didn't get bored and leave early, because you did plan on asking him to hang out afterwards. The two of you hadn't really had any time to hang out, just the two of you. Any of the plans that you tried to make, so you two of you could do couple things, Demetri always seemed to get his two cents in and want to tag along, causing you to have to change the plans altogether. It took about twenty minutes before you saw the two best friends hurry into the gym, Demetri with a clear look of panic on his face. 

"What are you two up to?" You questioned as you joined the two, giving off a small smile to your boyfriend. 

"N-nothing." Eli stuttered out with a small shake of his head. It was clear that he was lying, by the way that the two would keep looking over their shoulders from the direction they had come from. 

"Oh, okay." You nod your head before looking around the gym yourself, wondering what you yourself had missed while taking your brother trick-or-treating. "Eli." You turned your full attention to him with a soft smile. "Do you want to come dance with me?" 

It wasn't a real question, but you couldn't outright say it in front of Demetri. There wasn't a word spoken, only a slight nod of the boys' head before he followed you out into the crowd of people. Everyone was off having their own fun time, so you would get to enjoy your time with your boyfriend. By the time the two of you made it to a less crowded spot, a slow song came on, in which you took full advantage of. You let your arms wrap around his neck as he awkwardly wrapped his arms around your waist.  

"No one knows it you, you don't have to be so tense." You spoke softly, hoping to calm his nerves as you could easily see how tense he was. "All they can see is a handsome surgeon dancing with a princess." You smiled, hoping that he was doing the same under his mask.

"I'm sorry." He spoke softly before you chose to move closer to him and lay your head on his shoulder. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for, but if you want to make it up to me, hang out with me after the dance, just us two." You spoke, as you tried to remember back to the last time just the two of you had alone time together. 

"We can always ditch and go watch a movie." He suggested, and just by the tone in his voice, you could tell that he was smiling. 

"I can take you up on that offer." You smiled as you took a small step back, holding your hand out to him, ready to run off. 

The drive back to your house was amazing, Eli seemed to be more of himself to you. He had removed the mask he wore, and you were able to see his smile every time he laughed or when you could tell he was sneaking looks at you. Your brother was fast asleep when you got home, you offered to let Harper stay later in case you were to leave again before your parents got home. It wouldn't be like the two of you would bother her and it wasn't like she would bother you. Splitting up, you went into the kitchen to make some popcorn and a few snacks before you would return back to your room when Eli had gotten your TV set up for the movie. 

"I figured that you would want to pick the movie." He spoke with a soft smile thst caused you to smile back at him. 

"I'm okay with any movie, as long as I get to spend time with you." You gave him a small kiss on his cheek before sitting the bowl down on your bedside table. 

[cartoonist-ks]

The Only One I Live For... (Prologue)

About: You're playing as a girl, who's lived a pretty sad life. Your parents had passed away and you used to live with your aunt and uncle who have always made your life a living hell. Now, living alone, you've always been this emotionless husk. Until you met someone, who wasn't entirely human; but there was still something about him that you couldn't help but grow strongly attached to. And you're willing to keep him all to yourself. Even if it means hurting others. Even... if it means killing others.

Ratings: PG-13

Pairings: Leonardo x Yandere! Reader

Warnings: Mentions of Abuse and Bullying.

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For a long time...I've suppressed my emotions. I've prevented myself from feeling anything...because all I've ever felt was...

sadness...pain...suffering...

I never knew my parents. They passed away when I was just two years old, so for as long as I can remember, I've lived with my aunt and uncle. They were never good to me. They've always treated me like I was a burden to them. They would tell me how worthless I am. How I'm not loved. How the only reason my parents died was to get away from me. And I believed them; every word of it. Their abuse would turn physical whenever I would fall out of line. Speaking when not told to speak results in the hand. Coming home past curfew results in the shoe. Not finishing my chores results in the belt. And low grades mean the whip. The whip means no food for the day. I'd be lucky if I ever received water.

I wasn't allowed to make friends, so at school, I was always alone. No one to talk to. No one who cared. I was always forced to lie about the bruises on my arms and face to my teachers. I was always very quiet and sad. The other kids would ask me what was wrong, but I would ignore them. I was never allowed to talk to anybody for fear of getting punished harshly. I wished I didn't have to live this way. I was tired of all the pain and suffering. I was tired of feeling sad all the time.

So, when I got into high school, I trained myself to feel nothing. If I couldn't feel happy or joy, then I would feel nothing at all. It wasn't easy. But eventually, I grew used to it. I lost all care in the world. In people. In life. Others thought I was weird. Some even bullied me just to get a reaction. But they would get nothing at the end of the day. I didn't care for their torment. I've dealt with worse. I would wear a lot of dark clothing, so others would think I was emo and make up rumors about me. That caused people to stay away from me because they were too afraid of what I might do. Someone once told me, "it wouldn't be a surprise if you ended killing someone one day." That line stuck with me, all the way into adulthood.

Even though I no longer lived with my aunt and uncle I still refused to let myself feel. I didn't want to suffer anymore. I couldn't bear it. Though, I would put on a fake smile for my job. Greet people with a happy demeanor. Interact with co. workers. And act like I was doing well all the time when in reality, I wasn't. It's not as bad as it may sound. I'm aware that I'm broken inside, but I don't care. It's become normal for me. At least, until I meant...

...him...

It was one night when I was walking home from work, a bunch of guys in masks were about to rob me. But then, someone saved me. His name was Leonardo. He wasn't exactly what you would call a knight in shining armor, but he was MY knight in shining armor. When I first saw him, for the first time in a long time, I actually felt something.

...shock...

I wasn't expecting my knight to be a giant turtle, but despite that, there was something about him I couldn't help but feel intrigued about. I wanted to see him again. And so, I did. And the night after that, and the night after that, and the night after that. Each night, I would learn more about him and get to know him better. It wasn't long until we became good friends. For the first time in my life I actually felt...

...happy...

To be in his company. To be near him. He made me promise to never tell anyone about his existence because it would bring danger to him and his family. So, I never told anyone about him. I didn't want to lose the only friend I had in this world. Eventually, once it trusted me enough, he took me to go meet his family. He lived in a sewer with his three brothers, Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo, and his father/sensai, Master Splinter. He also had two human friends, April O'Neil and Casey Jones who I grew close with too. For the first time, I didnt feel alone anymore. I finally had friends who I could talk to. People who cared about me. I was grateful for everything they've given me. But the one person I was grateful for the most was Leo. I couldn't bear being away from him for too long, so I would visit the lair very frequently just to see him again. He's the only one that can fix me.

He's the only one I live for...