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soapymansuds · 6 months ago

Text

Eternity and counting

Pt 5

(Pt1, Pt2, Pt3, Pt4)

(Ok y'all, going on vacation and this is the last chapter I have pre-written SO the next upload may be late. Apologies in advance.)

Obey me! X Angel!MC (They/Them Pronouns)

TW: Suicide, depression, self-deprecation, death, big feelings, lots of sad.

MC just can't handle anything anymore and takes their own life. Imagine their dismay to find even death isn't the end for them.

~/\~

And so I do. Because I'm stupid. And selfish. And did I mention stupid? There is literally nothing dumber I could be doing. And that thought doesn't stop me. I trace a long since overgrown path around to the back of the house. Lifting the ancient stone of a raven statue, I reach blindly underneath in search of the spare key. Mammon told me about it during my first week here because he so frequently forgot his own keys inside. I chuckle softly at myself as my hand makes contact with the delicate key, the idea of something so small being so unchanged for so long being a little bit silly to me.

The key fits as snugly in the door as it always has, and I revel in the soft click of the lock as I twist it. I take a moment inside, breathing in the soothing smell of the house. It's peppery and smokey, but something sweet hides beneath the muskier smells. Like marshmallows on a campfire or a sweet oil rubbed into old leather. It's warm in my lungs. The air itself feels like soothing aloe on my hot skin. The thought makes me smile, conjuring half-muttled memories of Asmodeus hunting me through the house in an attempt to care for a sunburn I more than earned. I take a gentle half-step further inside, reminiscing on each small scuff and half-fixed crack on the wall as I unconsciously wander the halls.

I find myself strangely unbothered by the fear of discovery that drips its way down my spine. My wings brush against walls and decorations in the same way they did when I was first reborn, still getting used to their presence and the new space I took up. But I simply can't wrap my head around being here in any other way than how I always was. So I continue my venture through the halls like I'm human once again, with no regard for the gentle swish of feathers on the walls.

I stop for a moment in front of a mirror,, and the sight of myself, or more accurately, the cloaking spell covering me, makes me shiver. It feels so wrong to try to be someone else here. And so I drop it. The spell falls from my skin like a peel from a banana, and I sigh with the relief of it.

I feel nearly entranced by the whole experience. Head soft and clouded, as if I were dreaming. Maybe I am? It's been a year since I've seen these halls in the waking world so it's not totally impossible, but I struggle to remember falling asleep.

A gentle sound rouses me from my thoughts, a huffing of some sort. Or maybe a gasping? It's breathy regardless, so I follow it to its source.

My room.

Or, my old room, I suppose. Can't imagine it hasn't been taken over by somebody else's hobby.

As I approach the door, though, it's cracked open, and the light that flows through is the same as it's always been. The gentle golden glow of my desk lamp dances over my toes and across my cheek as I peek through the crack. To my surprise, it's exactly how I left it. My pens lay haphazardly across my desk, and my slippers are tucked at the foot of my bed. Even the vines of my ivy are thriving. What catches my attention the most though, is the way my lamp light shimmers on his head.

That snowy white hair I could pick out of a crowded club, even after all this time, shakes gently on my pillow. The shaking wracks his whole body, despite how tightly he's curled into himself. I realize with a cold wave of sorrow, that all that huffing was sobbing. I haven't seen Mammon cry like this since the Belphegor incident and the sight of it resonates in the pit of my stomach.

He's mourning.

He's still mourning. After all this time.

I consider running again for just a moment, but even if I could convince my mind to leave, I'm certain my body wouldn't follow suit. I feel faint as my knees melt from below me. Unfortunately, my efforts to keep myself up are in vain, as not only do I fall to the floor, but I press the door open further in the process.

The sound seems to startle Mammon, because, despite my focus on the floor, I can hear him shuffle in the bed.

"Fuck off Lucifer..." He mumbles, voice achy and raw. He waits in silence for what he's definitely expecting to be Lucifer's stern remark.

I attempt to take his moment of silence to press myself up and out of the room, but my movements are sluggish and awkward, and my wing bashes clumsily into a table, knocking over my lamp. I watch in near slow motion as it falls and I reach to stop it. But it's too far and I'm too dazed, and before I know it, the room is dark.

I whimper pathetically as I stare at it, delicate glass thrown across the floor. I scoot to pick up the pieces, cradling them in my palm.

"Who are you?!"

Mammon yells at me, suddenly shot out of bed. My head snaps up to look at him and I feel my heart crack. He's broken out into his demon form, but in spite of the attempted threat, all I can see is the pain in his eyes. His cheeks are red and shiny in the moonlight and his eyes carry bags deep enough to swim in.

"I-" my head rattles with the force of looking up at him, down at the shattered lamp, and back up at him. "I'm sorry..."

It's pathetic. What am I even apologising for? For scaring him? Breaking the lamp? For leaving? I'm sorry is hardly enough of an apology for all of it. It's barely enough for a single grievance.

His gaze though. It pulls me from my thoughts. His snarl falls and his forehead smoothes as he stares at me, and it hits me with a wave of terror that I am no longer hidden. Why would I have dropped the cloaking spell? How could I be so stupid? Did I want to be seen? How fucking selfish.

"M-mc?..." He whispers my name like it could scare me away. Like he's praying for something.

"I... I'm sorry, I just..." I stutter out words with no real meaning as I try desperately to justify myself. I stare back down at the shards in my hand like they hold some sort of solution, but they fall from my fingers with a clink as I'm slammed backward into the floor.

Mammon has plowed straight into me and taken us both down. He grips onto me like I'm going to fade straight through his fingers if he lets go, and I can't rightly blame him. His shoulders shutter with each fanning of his breath over my shoulder. It takes several moments of listening to his combination of whines and sobs for my brain to restart, but as I come to my senses, I wrap my arms around him in turn.

And it breaks me. I've spent a year carefully storing and sorting all my emotions. Handling problems without worrying about them. Actively avoiding any big feelings. And all it takes is Mammon to throw all that effort to the wind. Tears flow from my eyes, hot and heavy as they drip past my ears. My breaths shake in time with his and for several moments, there is nothing. The world falls away and we're not an angel and a demon. We're not even people. We're just two old friends crying in each other's arms.

(As always, thank you for reading! Comment to be added to the tag list!)

~Your friend, The Author

*tags*

@spffldlbrnf @completelyshatteredbrokenmschf @seraphlies @averageradstudent @sasa-mya @ayshela @miracl3d @mehkers @fersitaam @crywicked @crypt-exx

#obey me shall we date #obey me x reader #obey me #mammon x reader #obey me angst #obey me belphegor #obey me leviathan #obey me mammon #lord diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me lord diavolo

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caligvlasaqvarivm · 6 months ago

Note

I know you've touched on it in your Gamzee Essay/general alternative timeline post but may I hear some more about your ideas regarding GamTav (or only Tavros)? You get these two in a way the broader fandom doesn't (which is fine, I'll still reblog even the most vanilla ooc art of them) so I'd really love hearing more of your thoughts:3

Ok, I think this is going to be someeewhat controversial, but I think they're destined for pale together, despite Gamzee's initial flushed flirting. I did in fact reread ALL of Tavros's logs for this.

I think the first thing we need to establish is that Tavros actually feels really shitty about himself. It's obvious that his problem is "self-esteem," since he's constantly prattling on about it, but there's a bit he says as Tavrossprite that's pretty enlightening as to where his actions stem from:

TAVROSPRITE: i SYMPATHIZE ENTIRELY WITH YOUR SOCIAL IMPASSE, cAUSING NOT GOOD REFLECTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF, tHAT MAYBE ALSO DOUBLE AS LIBERATING STUFF ABOUT YOU THAT YOU RANDOMLY DECIDE IS FINE SUDDENLY, TAVROSPRITE: oLD ACQUAINTANCES, aND GUYS YOU ONCE CALLED FRIENDS, TAVROSPRITE: tHOSE ARE VERY HARD, TAVROSPRITE: bECAUSE OVER TIME THEY GET EXPOSED TOO MUCH, tO ALL MY FLAWS AND INSECURITIES, TAVROSPRITE: aND THEY START LIKING ME LESS BECAUSE OF THAT, TAVROSPRITE: aT LEAST, tHAT'S HOW THE TRUTH FEELS, iN MY BRAIN, TAVROSPRITE: sO i START THINKING, mAYBE THEY CAN'T BE THAT IMPORTANT TO ME, aFTER ALL, iF i'M GOING TO WANT TO FEEL NOT SAD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME,

He has a mixture of self-loathing and social anxiety, the latter of which exacerbates the former, as his mind tells him that his friends secretly hate him. However, his real problem is what he then does with those feelings - he avoids them and the situations that cause them. This causes two major knock-on effects: the first is that he actively ends up distancing himself from people who ARE nice to him and DO care about him, only adventuring with Vriska because he's a pushover and she's very pushy (he adventures completely alone up until that point, and winds up sleeping almost all the time afterwards); the second being that, because he refuses to actually sit with and address his negative feelings about himself (or anything else), he's never able to fix them, or remove himself from shitty situations.

Something consistent with Tavros is that every time he tries to make a decision before his death and Vriska-prototyping, it's by trying to rely on something external - whether that's his imaginary friend, his robot legs, or the story of Pupa Pan... or relying on advice from Kanaya, or seeking approval and forgiveness from Vriska, or earning flushed interest from Jade. He believes himself to be deeply flawed and untrustworthy, so he allows other people to make his decisions, and when relationships do get intimate enough that someone might get him vulnerable, he peaces out. Even his ill-fated attempt to kill Vriska is heavily encouraged by Vriska herself:

AT: aND THAT BEING THE CASE, AT: eVEN THOUGH i'M TERRIFIED OF YOU, AT: aND nOT AS STRONG, AT: oR REAL CONFIDENT, AT: oNLY MOSTLY FAKE CONFIDENT, AG: Yeeeeeeees? AG: Go on. AT: i THINK, AT: i AM GOING TO HAVE TO STOP YOU, AG: Yeah! That's the spirit. AG: Pretty weakslime threat there, 8ut it's a start. AG: Tell you what. AG: If you can find me in this la8, you can have at me. AG: I'll even give you a free shot! No funny 8usiness or anything. AT: oK, AT: tHEN, AT: hERE i COME, AG: I'll 8e w8ing. <3

As we see with Jade, whom he's attempting to flirt with flushed, he's actively trying to impress her using "self-esteems" explicitly gained from "fake" things he's acknowledging as fake - that is, refusing to be genuine and vulnerable with her, because he doesn't believe anyone would like him the way he actually is.

AT: bUT WHAT ABOUT, AT: mY ATTRACTIVE BRAVADO, AT: aND IGNORING MY INSTINCTUAL COWARDICE HARD ENOUGH TO SAY THAT i LIKE YOU, AT: iSN'T THAT, AT: sUPPOSED TO BE VERY ATTRACTIVE, aND ENCOURAGE THE MAJOR HAVING OF FLUSHED FEELINGS IN OTHERS, AT: i GUESS WHAT i MEAN IS, wHAT ABOUT ALL MY CONFIDENCE, AT: wHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT,

His "dating" Vriska in the dream bubbles is also dubious and one-sided at best, as John calls him out for faking it and Tavros isn't willing to bring up wanting the Ring of Life because he was planning to propose to Vriska. Thus, once more, he's attempting to use something disingenuous (in this case, a human proposal) to win another person's affection, which he believes would be a symbol of actualizing his "self-esteem".

We also literally see him do the "deciding someone wasn't actually important to you after all, so it hurts less when you cut them off before they can hurt you emotionally by noticing your flaws" thing with Nepeta - he actually quite likes Nepeta, and would certainly have enjoyed having her play the game with him, but he assures her that it's not a big deal basically immediately, and insists he'll just find someone else:

AC: :33 < tavros im sorry i cant be on your team :(( AC: :33 < im not allowed AT: oH, AT: tHAT'S OKAY, AT: tHEN i GUESS HE SAID NO, tHEN, ... AC: :33 < hmm purrhaps AC: :33 < but i still f33l bad AT: i'LL FIND ANOTHER PLAYER, iT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, AT: gOOD LUCK, bEING, AT: oN THE BLUE TEAM, AC: :33 < ok thanks :((

But, perhaps most strikingly, is the way he leaves his good friend Gamzee on read after Gamzee suggests... gasp... intimacy.

TC: WhEn wE Up aNd sTaRt tO KiCk aT ThIs rEd TeAm NoIsE, TC: YoU ShOuLd mAkE YoUr wAy tO GeT YoUr hAnG On aT My hIvE. AT: oH, yES, tOTALLY, TC: We cOuLd sPlIt a tIn oF ThE PiMpEsT SnEeZe i gOt oN HaNd, BaKeD Up aLl sPeCiAl fOr yOu. TC: AnD ThEn mAyBe mAkE OuT A LiTtLe. AT: uH, TC: ;o) AT: , AT: ,,

It freaks him out, and he's never seen hanging with Gamzee again. And this is a huge shame, because not only is Tavros one of the only people who is nice to Gamzee and appreciates his religious beliefs, but Gamzee is one of the only people who hears out Tavros's genuine insecurities and desires without making fun of him:

AT: tHE ONLY THING MORE FLY THAN THE RHYMES, AT: i'M SAYING TO EXPRESS ALL MY MALICES, AT: iS THE ABILITY HE HAD i WISH WAS MINE, AT: iNSTEAD OF i GUESS, THIS EXCESSIVE PARALYSIS, TC: (lOoK OuT FoR ThE HoOk bRo!!!) TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS! AT: bUT HIGH, iN THIS CASE, hAS DOUBLE THE MEANING, AT: iT MEANS HE CAN FLY, pLUS DOES HIGH SELF ESTEEMING, AT: tHAT'S TWO THINGS HE HAS, tHAT i'D RATHER WERE MINE, AT: hIS TWO FLAPPY WINGS, aND hIS BIG HEALTHY SPINE, AT: oOPS, AT: tHAT'S THREE THINGS,,, TC: GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS, gEt oFfA ThOsE WhEeLs. TC: If mIrAcLeS ArEn't fAkE He'lL GeT OfFa tHoSe wHeElS!

(Compare:)

PAT: i'M SORT OF, lYING ON vRISKA'S FLOOR RIGHT NOW, PAT: lIKE, iN HER BLOCK, PAT: lYING DOWN, PAT: uHH, yOU KNOW, bECAUSE i CAN'T WALK, CCG: OH NO SHIT REALLY??? CCG: YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS, WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.

He isn't able to do a REAL self-confidence at least until he gives Vriska the bird and flies away, for the first time asserting that he thinks she's an asshole and doesn't actually want or need her validation or approval. After that, he's able to convince a ghost army to follow him using friendship and asking and niceness. Breath powers! Also Page powers! Also actual self-esteems! Although I don't personally hold anything after Game Over as anything more than soft canon, I think we can still see a fairly straightforward character arc reach a natural conclusion there.

But as to why I specifically think him and Gamzee are destined for pale, despite what appears to be flushed leanings from Gamzee's end, and despite the fact that I usually believe what the comic tells me, is because what brief few interactions we see between them are very much pale in nature, and it would be kind of narratively bizarre if Gamzee were set up to have a failed moirallegiance - the quadrant described as "soul mates" - without managing to find his real soul mate after. And who's it going to be? Equius? Or the guy that Gamzee literally says he feels "at chill with" talking to?

Gamzee kissing Tavros's corpse is often used as evidence for his desire for flushed, but I disagree - however Gamzee feels about Tavros romantically, kissing a dead player is how you revive them, so it reads to me - especially given how sad Gamzee is about Tavros dying - more like a desperate act to bring him back. Lest we forget, Terezi also gives it a try, and Karkat kisses Kanaya for the same reason - the reality that their extra lives are gone hasn't sunk in yet for these 13 year old kids, so they must try revival even if they know it won't work.

Moreover, Gamzee indirectly describes Tavros as his "best friend," after having called Karkat that through most of the game, and having an implied pale crush on Karkat during that time.

TC: YOU MOTHER FUCKING KNOW, BROTHER. TC: its the fuckin puppet. TC: THE ONE THAT'S ALL GOT TO BE MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND I GOT NOW. TC: now that my other buddy managed to be having his head chopped off. :oC

Moreover moreover, what Karkat cites as being the cause of their moirallegiance's failure is Gamzee's religious beliefs:

KARKAT: HE STARTED GETTING SO UNBELIEVABLY SELF SATISFIED AND PIOUS, LIKE WAY MORE THAN HE EVER WAS BEFORE. KARKAT: LIKE HE'S JUST SO COMPLETELY CONVINCED HE'S FOUND HIS CALLING, THAT THIS SESSION IS THE GATEWAY TO THE PROMISED LAND WHERE HE'LL FULFILL HIS DESTINY. KARKAT: HE'S SO CAUGHT UP IN HIS IDIOTIC SCHEMES HE COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME ANYMORE.

Which are explicitly what Tavros invites Gamzee to speak on, and appreciates:

AT: yEAHHH, yOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE CLOWN THINGS, wHICH, AT: i DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND EVER, bUT THAT'S OKAY, AT: bECAUSE IT'S KIND OF FUNNY, AT: wHEREAS, i'LL ADDRESS SOME TOPICS PERTAINING TO MY INTERESTS, AT: aND i GUESS, pERSONAL MOTIFS, TC: YeAh! FuCk YeAh, ThAt Be HoW sHiT's AlL uSuAlLy Up AnD fUcKiN lOcKeD bRo. ... AT: dO YOU HAVE TIME FOR, mY MIRACLES, rELIGIOUS FRIEND, }:) TC: Do yOu gEt yOuR NoTiCe oN Of tHe mIrAcLeS AT: sO MANY, uH, gRATUITOUS EXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, tHE MAGIC MOTHER, aLSO eXPLETIVE, mIRACLES, TC: FuCk yEs, HeReS WhErE ThE SlAm tUrNs tO NoThIn bUt hOnKs... TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk TC: HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk hOnK HoNk AT: HONK, TC: FuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuUuCk! AT: iT'S LESS APPROPRIATE FOR ME TO DO THE HONKS, tHAN YOU, bUT THAT WAS STILL GREAT, TC: YeAh, BrO. yEaH!!! AT: tHE SLAMS WERE TRULY PRIME, aND, AT: yOUR RELIGIOUS VIEWS, tHOUGH i DON'T SHARE THEM, aRE, AT: rEASONABLY INSPIRATIONAL, AT: i THINK i'M IN THE PROCESS OF RELEASING AT LEAST ONE TEAR,

But also in Tavros's single conversation with Gamzee, we see Tavros stand up to a highblood:

TC: :o) HoNkHoNkHoNkHoNkHoNk AT: }:o), hEH, TC: hAhAh FuUuUuCk, YoU sToLe My FuCkIn NoSe BrO! TC: WhAt GoT yOu EvEn Up ThE gUmPtIoN tO aLl FuCkIn Do ThE sHiT lIkE tHaT? AT: eRR, i DON'T KNOW, iT'S JUST, AT: kIND OF THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO, AT: sTICK THE CIRCLE IN FRONT OF THE DOTS, aND, bEHIND THE BENDY ONE, AT: pLUS, oH YEAH, mY HORNS, TC: hAhAhAhA. AT: mAYBE WE CAN SLAM ABOUT IT, ... TC: fUuUuCk, So FuCkIn FrEsH. TC: YoU nEeD tO bE sLaPpEd FuCkIn SiLlY wItH a MoUtH lIkE tHaT! hAhA. AT: aND, iF YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT, AT: tHEN i SUGGEST YOU GO AND RAP IT DUDE,

He feels safe with Gamzee, enough to take a bit of an attitude with him, enough to open up about his insecurities about his disability and how much he wishes he was like Pupa Pan, and Gamzee explicitly states he feels calm when he talks to Tavros, which is the stated function of a moirallegiance.

TC: Me tOo, BrO, yOu mOtHeR FuCkIn kNoW ThErE Be sOmE Of mY EyE's RoYaL JeLlY To gO WiTh yOuR EmOtIoNaL pEaNuT BuTtEr. AT: wHOA, aHA, hA, TC: ThIs iS BeAuTiFuL, dUdE, i fEeL So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu. AT: yEAH, fRIENDLINESS WITH YOU IS, pRETTY MUCH ALWAYS NICE, aND FUN TO HAVE,

And the thing is, trolls are constantly getting into moirallegiances when they want to be flushed (Eridan, Kanaya), having palecrushes when they want to be friends (Gamzee), and winding up flushed with their moirail (pale solfef is forshadowed in the same breath as pale erikar, and they don't seem to confirm a matespritship until after Sollux's actual flushed crush, Aradia, explodes). Especially for Gamzee, who was neglected by his lusus and struggles with social interaction to the point where he feels like he has to hide his real self (casteist beliefs, constant talk of religion and murder, which, by the way, come out when he talks to Tavros), it'd be easy for him to mistake the "instinctive attraction" of moirallegiance for the passions of matespritship.

These thoughts are all pretty disorganized - I'm really sorry, it's super late/early for me and I'm exhausted for other reasons - but I hope that that . was what you wanted? hahah

#homestuck #gamzee makara #tavros nitram #gamtav

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milkmissiles · 1 year ago

Text

Mha boys when you have a stomach ache

(Because I am currently in excruciating pain lol)

Fluff. Literally just comfort and fluff. A little bit of implied spice.

Character index: denki, bakugou, shouto, kirishima x GN reader

Denki

This bitch would be so dramatic.

He would ask you all the questions.. like for someone who isn't book smart at all he sure does know a shit ton of symptoms.

Please humor him though he just wants to make sure your not dying.

I mean waking up in the middle of the night to see you curled up in a ball, tears rolling down your face, and your entire body tense and shaking is definitely a terrifying site for this poor boy..

But once you convince him you actually are not on deaths door, he will calm down a bit. He's still freaked the fuck out and absolutely has no idea what he's supposed to do but he will try his best.

He will hold you close all night, rubbing small circles into your stomach to distract you, if it's really bad he might give you some little shocks to distract you more.

In the morning, he'll run you a hot bath, helping you get in. But he won't leave you to your bath without saying something like, "Aren't you gonna be lonely in there without me? Y'know I could totally join you~"

He really likes to test his luck...

But once you shoot him a bit of a glare, indicating you are definitely not in the mood with the pain and all. He will leave you to it.

Although you have to admit baths are a lot more boring without him around...

Bakugou

He would somehow find a way to get mad at you?

Like bakugou wakes up to see you like dying on the floor, trying to find a comfortable position, and his first thought is to scold the absolute shit out of you...

"What the hell's up with you? Why are you curled up like that on the floor? You're gonna give yourself a headache if you sleep without head support idiot! Get back on the bed right now you stupid fuck!!"

He literally drags you back into bed by you collar before storming out of the room. He comes back with an advil, a glass of water and a snack and pretty much stuffs your face with them.

"You have a stomach ache, huh? Well, maybe you shouldn't have eaten that piece of toast you dropped on the floor!! I swear if you didn't have me you'd be dead! How stupid do you have to be to get yourself sick like this huh?? Huh?!"

He would say all this while stuffing a pain killer down your throat and force feeding you a granola bar...

"C'mon eat. You can't take advil on an empty stomach dumbass! Get it together you should know this!"

Once he's done scolding you, he'll huff, laying back down on the bed. Positioning himself so he's spooning you. One of his hands on your stomach, the other in-between your thighs. Turning himself into your own personal heat pack.

He'll make sure you get to sleep before he let's himself fall back asleep.

In the morning, he'll make you breakfast, your favorite breakfast in fact. The whole time grumbling about how its your fault he got no sleep last night. Shoving a plate of beautifully cooked food infront of you...

As pissed as he makes you think he is, he really was worried about you.

Shouto

As cold as the people who don't know him think he is. You know him well enough to know he's a huge softy.

He would immediately ask of your ok. Rubbing your back gently. He doesn't even skip a beat when he sees you curled up in child's pose on your shared bed, your breath sharp and unsteady.

Asks you if you need need anything, and when you respond with a sad sounding "sleep," He smiles softly at you. Thinking you look kinda cute like this..

After he gives himself a moment to figure out what you need, he'll go to your medicine cabinet and get you a painkiller. He'll pour you a glass of water and light a sented candle for extra relaxation. He is determined to get you some sleep.

He will pet your hair softly, speaking to you with the gentlest tone.

"Hey, y/n... can you sit up for me, please? I got you a painkiller, but you need to sit up to take it...*

He would help you up, giving you the pill and the water. He would help you lay back down. Cuddling you up to his left side and heating it up a bit to help your muscles relax. And if you start getting too hot, he'll place his right hand on the back of your neck. Cooling you off.

He would keep you at the perfect temperature to sleep. And you would sleep. Surprisingly enough, one of the best sleeps of your entire life.

Kirishima

This poor boy is absolutely lost.

He has zero idea how to help you and is instead left trying to calm you down as you sob into the bed sheets...

(Please, he's so freaked out)

I can see him patting your back like an awkward dad y'know?

He tries to talk you out of it too. Trying to act like he's not scared out of his mind that you're dying or some shit..

"Hey.. hey. You're ok.. you're ok, right? You're fine. Im here. You don't have to cry.. please don't cry.. are you okay??"

He's trying so hard but is so confused. Your talking is almost unintelligible through your tears, but eventually, he hears a soft, "advil..." Through the sobs.

He will fetch you some immediately. It takes him less than a minute before he's back. Advil in hand. A very determined look on his face.

Within like 30 minutes your passed out on his chest again. Sleeping oh so peacefully. He can finally breath, thanking the gods your ok. He was so worried you have no idea. Or I guess you probably do considering how he was fumbling over his words and desperately trying to help you. Now he just runs his hands through your hair, falling asleep in the quiet bliss of your breathing.

He will research the fuck out of this in the morning and make sure he is well prepared for the next incident. After all it is so not manly to not know how to care for your significant other..

#mha #mha denki #mha bakugou #mha kirishima #mha todoroki #mha shoto #denki headcanons #denki x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki #todoroki shouto #todoroki x reader #kirishima eijirou #kirishima x reader #bakugou headcanons #todoroki headcanons #kirishima headcanon

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eluxcastar · 2 years ago

Note

Pantalone x reader (male or gn) where reader returns from a particularly bloody and mentally exhausting mission late at night. Perhaps a little emotionally scarring

Reader is concerningly silent

Pantalone helps them bathe and carries to bed

Hurt/comfort fic where reader softly cries to sleep and pantalone can do nothing more than hold them tighter and closer

You're not used to losing people

── ୨୧：pantalone x reader

୨୧﹑synopsis :: you spent days out travelling near the edge of snezhnaya, delayed by trouble you encountered that has you home half a day after you were expected to be. by all official accounts the objective was completed and the mission was therefore a success, but you seem to return a different person than the one who waved Pantalone off with a warm smile and a kiss for good luck.

୨୧﹑genre :: angst

୨୧﹑content :: masc reader (could be read as gn), mentions of blood, use of petnames (darling), implied death, reader is at a bit of an emotional breaking point, pantalone is written to be soft, they're married because I said so

୨୧﹑words :: 2.7k

anon this is strangely so cute I love it. sad but still somewhat cute an idea yk (I had literally no idea what to call it until five seconds ago). our man pantaloon needs more love. I accidentally wrote clock instead of cloth in one part and the mental image of Pantalone trying to clean reader with a clock made me fucking die laughing this is so stupid

if you like this also go read this post as the two are similar in theme and story but with very little comfort to the hurt 👍

something about the evening seems...wrong, the sky grows darker, too dark for it to be your usual time. the moon suspiciously high, yet there's no sign of you to be found. you should know better than to make him worry, knowing that though your strength may carry you through battle, you're also not invincible. what happens if you reach your limit out there? how is he supposed to know if you're safe? what if you don't come home?

abruptly Pantalone's thoughts are interrupted, the door opening, and he knows nobody would be bold enough to waltz on in without knocking unless it was you come home from a long and tiring mission. he only heard earlier that you would be returning, "Some time in the early evening" he had been told and clearly that was a lie. it was likely no fault of yours, just some hold up along the way.

he hears your footsteps, knows you're there-- at least he thinks that's you. you've been awfully quiet, though you usually call out to him when you return home. you still manage to worry him. he can't see you tucked away in the entrance, only glimpses of you as you remove your coat. there's a moment where he swears he hears you suck your breath through your teeth, then the rustling of fabric and finally your footsteps again, abruptly followed by a loud thud.

now you're really worrying him.

it takes him seconds to decide he's no longer waiting on you, standing to walk to you and see what has happened. the moment he turns around, Pantalone can see you even from where he stands several feet away, the thud clearly caused by you falling flat on your face, leaving you struggling to get up though not for a lack of trying. just before he reaches you, you just give up and turn yourself over so you can sit for a moment. you barely get there before he's lifting you up from the floor like a life-size rag doll.

"You're injured. Why didn't you go see someone?" his concern translates to disappointment at some point, and though he wonders if it was too harsh, the blood you're covered in and the bandages that bind your hand tells him you need it just a little bit. why aren't you taking better care of yourself?

you try to speak, but find it impossible for your words to comply, caught in your throat and refusing to come out. he's not impressed with that either; you can see it in his face that he would've said something if you didn't look so, frankly speaking, pathetic.

you have to ask yourself if he can tell you're trying not to cry, the quivering of your lips and glassy eyes hard to hide. he cradles you so gently it almost tips you over the edge, so safe compared to the way you've spent the last few weeks feeling. nothing about the day leading up to now specifically makes you feel that way, and it feels so draining trying to hold it back, but overwhelmingly so being home just makes you so emotional. your wound doesn't hurt too badly, and it's not as if your fall was anything but tripping over your own feet in absent-mindedness. if it proved anything, it was that you definitely did something to your shoulder, coupled with the fact that grabbing the blade of a sword to stop it in its tracks had left a shallow mark across your palm, you were beginning to doubt your instincts again.

still, you cling to the fabric of his clothes tightly, finding comfort in these familiar things which you associate with your home. hearing his voice, the cool contrast of the rings he wears against your skin, the scent of home, even just being held in this way makes you want to close your eyes and settle.

then suddenly you're moving again, and he sits you down on the couch and kneels down to remove your shoes for you, "I'll take you to be seen by a doctor tomorrow, but for now let's get you cleaned up and in some nice fresh clothes." he stands and places a kiss gently to your forehead, "I'll come get you when the water is ready, don't push yourself, darling."

you dare not test his patience, so you wait, staring down at your hand covered in bloody bandages. your hand is shaking. most of that blood is yours, though your mind wanders seeing it, back to the several corpses you laid your hands on, the people whose bodies you beat with your fist begging and screaming at them to get up as they lay lifeless. your throat still hurts. you untuck the end of those bandages, unravelling them from around your hand until you see your skin and the awful gash across your palm. it looks awful, red and swelling, far worse than when you last saw it. you run your thumb across the wound, flinching at the tinge of pain that shoots down your arm.

"Tsk tsk, what is this?" from behind the couch comes a hand, taking you by the wrist and pulling your arm up, "You should've gone to get this looked at. Did you at least clean this properly?"

you stare up at Pantalone who adjusts his glasses. it's strange to feel his hands against yours, bare and slightly damp hands warm against your skin. remembering he asked a question you shake your head, and his eyes flicker back to you with a strange look.

"The bath is ready." he finally says, "Does it hurt when I carry you? What else are you hiding that you haven't tended to properly?"

"It's ok, you can carry me." you say, finally able to speak, though your words are quiet and rougher, than you'd like. you clear your throat and repeat "You can carry me." to him knowing his usual fixation on acting your best, even though you're also aware there's no way he expects that of you.

Pantalone purses his lips a moment, glad for you to finally say something, but still finding something to worry about in the fact it didn't tell him much, resigning himself to the fact that you'll simply have to show him once he helps you undress to take a bath. you watch as he walks around the couch, and raise your arm up to him, wrapping it around his neck when he leans down to scoop you back up off the couch and into his arms.

the way his hands touch you as he removes your shirt, letting you lean your head down rather than pull your arms off and he promptly tosses it aside. his hands return to your shoulders, running down your arms to observe your skin, noting that you had bruises but no other cuts or scrapes, save for a minor one on your side barely in need of a band-aid. it's slightly more awkward shimmying yourself out of your pants as you have to put your weight on your hand while trying to avoid pressing it too forcefully against anything. his observation continues, though he once again finds you to be in perfect condition.

it's the dried blood that sticks to your skin that he worries about, even knowing it likely isn't yours.

"I wasn't told there would be delays in your arrival, was it so bad that you weren't about to communicate your messages back to me?"

the water is warm, but not hot, shallower than you might've filled it but you suppose only having the water rise to your waist was in case you were keeping another nasty scar hidden under your clothes from him. that was in case. every bone in your body adores this man's care for you, the usually pompous banker with a clear soft spot for you.

he holds a cloth which he dips into the water, running it along your skin as he dabs at the stains taking extra care not to scrub too harshly. days of dirt and grime and a battles worth of blood and sweat washed away by the loving hands of the Regrator. he can tell by your reluctance to answer that it's not the time, and carries on in silence letting only the sounds of running water making its way to your ears. it's a calming silence, though you watch as the water surrounding you is slowly dyed by the blood that runs off your body.

it finally hits you just how bad things got, even when before you could in some way write it off like a nightmare and pretend it hadn't really happened. some metaphorical weight presses down on your emotions and you just break as your vision blurs, tears welling up in your eyes.

perhaps noticing your shaking or catching one of the few tears running down your cheeks, the cloth is immediately set aside as Pantalone places a hand to your back. you try desperately to wipe your tears away, but a wet hand isn't the best tool to dry your cheeks with and you only serve to make it worse. a part of you feels hopeless, like a failure to your own team as you know you let them down. you were supposed to be a fighter, a good one at that, husband of one of the Harbingers and somehow you still managed to lose two people.

you feel yourself back in that place, weary as you finally stand, your shoulder stinging, you assume from the initial fall. you clasp a hand over it and rub your thumb on the area, making it sting. you groan at the pain. one of the more medically verse teammates tends to one of the wounded. you walk toward the collapsed body of a fellow fatuu, seeing them unmoving and bleeding into the snow. you practically fall at her side, landing on your knees as you slightly let your feet give out and bring you down to her.

cautious at first, you shake her, trying to roll her over though it hurts you to do so. she remains unresponsive to any poke or prod at her, not even a groan or mumble, and she's so cold.

you're all cold, you tell yourself and try again to shake her awake, "Hey, get up..." but despite everything nothing works, barely able to roll her onto her back to see her face. her eyes are wide open, a look of shock frozen on her face that haunts you, it's enough to make you hesitate, like a harsh slap across the face. "Wake up!" you say again, the desperation building. you know she's not asleep but it doesn't even matter anymore, beginning to feel more and more like a child pounding their fist on the floor throwing a tantrum the less and less put together you become. "WAKE UP DAMNIT! Nobody said you could die like this!"

"Captain, stop!" without warning, you're grabbed from behind and yanked away, sending a throbbing pain shooting through you as their grip is rough on your shoulder "Calm down and look at her. She's gone." they say.

in the blink of an eye it all rushes back to the view of a bath tainted by that same blood, long black hairs tickle your neck as you are held tightly once again. it grounds you just enough to remember that you're safe in a bath, cared for by the man you love.

"I'm such a failure." you choke out those words through your sobs, echoing off the bathroom walls, "They needed me to lead them and I just got them killed. I couldn't even keep my composure when they needed me to pull them together..."

you curl into yourself, squeezing his arm in your hand, "You're not a failure, darling, but you're not used to losing people." his assurance helps, if only slightly, but something about feeling like even someone who seems to care for none understanding your reaction eases your heart a bit. it doesn't do anything to help the dying part, but he's never been good with sincere reassuring words, and he chokes thinking of what to say to you.

all Pantalone can do is hold you and rub your back to let you cry, finishing up quickly to get you out of there and back into his arms bundled up in a towel. just as you feel hopeless for being unable to live up to whatever outlandish expectations you had of yourself, Pantalone feels as if his comfort falls short as he can't stop your crying, though he shushes and assures you it doesn't seem to make it better.

when you reject his offer to go to see a doctor, saying you just want to sleep. he doesn't want to push too much, only asking that you agree to let him disinfect your hand, otherwise letting you dress yourself in fresh clothes he set out for you while he goes to tend to other things momentarily. at the very least, your tears stopped, for now you seem calm again.

he returns to find you've already tucked yourself away bundled up in the covers, brushing your bangs from your faces and leaning down to kiss your temple. "I'll be with you in just a moment, darling." he whispers to you, earning a noise of acknowledgement.

stepping away only to change his clothes and let his hair down, he sits back on the edge of the bed, though on his side. he removes his glasses, folding them and setting them down on the nightstand. it's an unusual silence knowing you're lying right there behind him. he's so used to you talking to him right up until he tells you to go to sleep, and yet you seem so exhausted and drained. you're not used to losing people. he has to remember that you're more emotional than he is, but he doesn't mind--likes it in fact--as it's usually a good thing. just...not now.

he sighs to himself, unable to help it. he hates this, seeing you so upset, so unlike yourself. he hates feeling so powerless watching you punish yourself for something you couldn't have changed, like some passive observer in your life. his words don't help, and there's little he can do to take away those memories or even fix your body.

there is one thing Pantalone can do, the thought of resigning himself to simply being a source of comfort, someone to support you so you can cry as much as you want. it's better to cry in somebody's arms, isn't it? he turns on his side to face you, who faces away from him. he's not sure why, you just happened to be comfortable there. feeling his hand against your side, you shuffle closer and allow him to wrap his arms around you, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

you let out another shaky breath, closing your eyes again. above all else you feel safe. given everything he's done for you, you can't ask for more, though even just being by his side is enough to put your anxiety to rest. still, it hurts. not even physically, but your heart won't stop aching, and unable to distract yourself you replay the sequence of events in your mind once more.

an ambush, the ensuing fight, a firm whack to the head which you still haven't discerned the source of, boots running and kicking up snow all around you as you watch through blurred vision, you manage to block a sword that swings down at you though in the stupidest way possible, you finally get your head straight and get up and fight more.

where did she die? more importantly when did she die? if you can just remember that maybe you would know what you did wrong, what to fix.

you become distracted again, knowing you're shaking and back to holding back your tears. what pulls you away most of all is Pantalone's voice, "Don't cry, darling, it's over now. You're home."

you grip his hand tightly, fingers intertwining with his. "Is it...is it ok if you talk to me more?" you ask quietly, "I think..."

"That's hardly a difficult request." he says, squeezing your hand in reassurance, "If it would help you fall asleep."

#♡ — ruu.#✎ — good old-fashioned lover boy.#✦ — scenarios.#✦ — angst.#pantalone #pantalone x reader #pantalone x male reader #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x male reader

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yuseirra · 2 months ago

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Oh, this is a thought that just occurred to me after having skimmed my copy of volume 14 right,

So there's this continuous idea of Ruby going she's going to surpass Ai and that she's "going to be different from Ai", the latter being achieved through expressing her feelings as she truly feels,

Of course they are different people, so it's good that she wishes to be herself and it's desirable to push to be the better person compared to one's parents too than being just a replica. I've always taken this in that pretty positive direction, but-

This makes me think...are they trying to make Ai's life a bad example that should be "improved" by the better version that is Ruby? That can't be it, right? I do not think the author would be intending for this but I'll just jot my thoughts on this: Ai's lived so vigorously, and I don't think it was her fault that she had to lie. That was due to the environment she lived in, and she did the best she could as an indiviudual thrown in that field as a child. Ruby has a different personality, but would it really be that she could have done better than Ai in that situation her mother had to go through? I don't think so. Although being a "liar"is a huge part of her identity, the love she had beneath it was genuine after all- that's what I got from her whole catchphrase "lies are love". It was indeed a form of love. What many celebrities put out there, I think that was pretty insightful. It's sad that people can't entirely be themselves, but actually, we ALL put on personas not just for ourselves, but for the sake of others, out of consideration. In a way, it's like dressing up properly for an occasion. It could be proper manners to fit in a situation and get along. Ai's case was a bit extreme, but she really did it out if concern and love towards others.

Ai lived really hard. I feel like.. She was so selfless. Of course she lived to her fullest but she kept saving other people of the pain they could feel about her by keeping every negativity she faced within herself. She went out and saved her boyfriend. She sent out love. She cared and loved everyone around her. If anything, she's not a bad example although I do feel she had it so hard...being a "person" she is. I feel Aqua still does not have a clue about her, he was like that throughout the movie arc, he said he'd help fulfill her wish but he gives up on that, the one thing she's wanted as a human being that she strongly kept in her mind enough to ask her own children about. I am a bit annoyed with him being all about Ruby with Ai's wish being out of his focus now although their bond IS special and seeing how he was, I actually saw that coming... It does make a contrast of how her boyfriend is all about her(whether it be twisted it not)while Aqua cares about the living. Again, though. Ai... The main focus of this story was always... Sort of about her, whether it'd be about finding the truth about her death and revenging it, or about what she wants, the narrative seems to have shifted off from it for now but I hope that is brief for the sake of consistency.

I have my hopes about this character because if I'm the writer, Ai is the one character I use as the backbone of the whole plot. I'd give her what she wants. I' m really sure that's what's going to happen, and so...I want her to be relevant and acknowledged. She isn't perfect, but I also don't think she ahould be a figure that's supposed to be overcome into a better version because I don't see Ruby's version of an idol being so perfect either. It has its good sides, but is she the really better, new and improved ways of what an idol should be? Aqua seems to think so from how he is in the recent chapters,

But should Ai have never lied? Is the idea of "lies are love" something that simple enough to be dismissed? I don't quite see it being the case either. I feel like there should be a middle ground if there just HAS to be one take on this. The world isn't so simple that everything would magically turn out better if you reveal everything about yourself although it's healthy to do it to a degree. There's a reason why there are superegos as well as ids.

So yes :) I root for Ai and her wants. She might not be ENTIRELY right, no one is really, and it's natural because she's a person like any other. However, I feel she'd be right in the most important parts. I want her wants to see light. It will. That's how I see this being a good story. I'm not entitled enough to say it should be this way or else but I just see it happening. So I'm not so worried about the story as a whole. Just very tense in between from the little things really.

I don't talk a lot about Ai or the other characters as much, but I do think about them.. It's more like I don't feel a need to try to make sense out of them as much so I don't write about them in an attempt to do so, Ai IS my fav. So here I dedicate a post to her this time! She's certainly a character that's made me gain insight about something I didn't think of as much compared to when I didn't encounter the character, and I really appreciate it!♥

If everything turns out the way she wants, I will be happy. She's greedy, isn't she~ and she has all the right to be. I support that. It's one of the major reasons why I'm so passionate and intrigued about that ship involving her and kamiki too! It's what she wanted to happen, and I see he wasn't half bad. He really loved her and SHE wanted to be with him(the latter bit had me sold especially). She'd want him to be happy and well, so I do too!

I want to see it happen~ and, it will. Like what her song implies. She always gets what she wants in the very end and I love to see it.

#ai hoshino #oshi no ko #oshi no theories #long post #hikaai

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starboybutler · 7 months ago

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Chasing Cars

ao3 link

summary: bucky can't find a reason to get out of bed anymore. gale comes to him one night, and he's reminded of why he's fighting.

word count: 6451

warnings: bucky's crumbling mental health, gale's crumbling mental health, curt's death, slight eating disorders, depressive episodes, smut towards the end

notes: wow this was supposed to be pure smut but i accidentally plotted on my porn because i felt like being sad. oh well have this kinda character study thing i wrote purely on a whim

bucky hadn't left the bed.

he couldn't find a reason to. the rest of the men were outside, gathering wood. training, doing god knows what else to prepare for a plan that would never play out. after some brits had made their escape attempt, the amount of german pricks on duty almost doubled. that, and morale had pretty much gone down after they had said the captured escapees were executed. no one even wanted to make an attempt anymore.

they could talk about escape all they wanted to– it would never happen. they would try, fail, get shot, and get buried somewhere on enemy territory. hell, odds were good that if they waited it out the same thing would happen. so why bother?

he had been staring at the wooden slats of the bunk above him for about an hour, now. this felt familiar, at least. as he lay here, he could pretend he was back in base between missions, talking to curt about whatever was going on in their muddled brains.

“it was a close one today. don't want anymore missions like that for a while.”

“that's just how it is, bucky. they’ll only get tougher, y’know. but i think we got it.”

“yeah?”

“yeah. i’ll be tellin’ my grandkids about this one day, y’know. don't seem like it now, but i promise it’ll be a distant memory soon.”

always so optimistic. that was one of the last late-night conversations he had ever had with curt before he went down. he never even got to say goodbye to him. he’ll never forget the pure dread he felt when he asked buck about him, and he didn't have an answer.

sure, bucky could have believed he was alive with every fiber of his being, but that didn't change the fact that curt was dead, crashed somewhere over unknown territory, most likely to never be found.

so much pain, so much death. and for what, he would wonder. what was he really fighting for anymore?

“hey,”

a soft, low voice, like honey. all too familiar.

he looked up, faced with gale, who was just about the only friend he had left at this point. even then, he felt as if buck was slipping from his grasp at times. tensions were high, and he had yelled at him more than he would like to admit.

just yesterday, they got into it outside. john was at fault, he absolutely deserved the punch to the face gale gave him, but neither of them had spoken to one another afterwards. john was never good witth apologies.

“hey,” he said back, the bruise on his cheek left by the blonde throbbing dully as he made eye contact with him for the first time since their scuffle.

“you just gonna lay here all day?” gale asked, his tone not angry or accusatory– just soft and genuinely curious, laced with just a tinge of worry.

“that's the plan,” he replied, shrugging. “nothin’ else to do. unless you wanna punch me again.”

gale stiffened a bit, his lips twitching as if he were trying to find the right thing to say, before he just sighed heavily.

“i’m worried about you.”

bucky shut his eyes, a sigh of his own escaping his chest.

“i know.”

it fell quiet between them. john had closed his eyes so that he couldn't see gale’s sad baby blue’s boring into him, urging him to roll over and show him his most vulnerable parts like a dog begging for attention. for pity.

he knew gale was worried. he knew it before their fight, and he knew it now. gale wasn't an idiot. far from it, actually. he was intelligent and observant, which was why he was such a damn good pilot. he saw john’s pain before john felt it. he saw it in how john would lash out at anyone that looked at him wrong, and how he would toss and turn in his sleep at night.

“you haven't eaten in a few days.”

“i know,” bucky said again. he couldn't bear to imagine gale’s expression. “i’m tired of the same shit. if i see another potato i’ll puke.”

“bucky.” gale hissed, voice urgent. “i’m being serious.”

“so am i.”

he hadn't eaten in about three days. ever since his last serving of the same bland bullshit, he decided he would rather starve than touch it again. so what, if he lost a little weight? that seemed to be the least of his problems right now.

he didn't care anymore. he just didn't care if he withered away inside this stalag surrounded by his men. that seemed to be the most honorable thing to do at this point- because at least then he'd be around people that knew him, and celebrated him. he'd rather die here and now, miserable, than drag it out and die alone in enemy territory with no one around.

“okay, bucky.” gale mumbled, clearly on edge already and not in the mood to argue. “just…i’ll be outside with everyone else. you should eat some dinner tonight.”

the blonde stalked off, expression and gaze steely and distant as bucky rolled back onto his side, facing the wall and sighing tiredly.

night rolled around and he didn't drag himself out of bed for dinner. he couldn't. the urge to eat, to get up and walk and be active wasn't there. his will to survive had vanished.

gale wasn't the only one worried about him. he heard everyone muttering to one another behind his back as they ate the slop that was served to them half-heartedly.

‘he doesn't look good at all.’

‘i know. when’s the last time he left his bunk?’

‘hush and eat. he can probably hear you.’

bucky didn't care what they were saying. whatever it was, it was probably true. maybe word around the stalag was that major john egan was a spineless, worthless, gutless piece of shit that gave up on everyone around him when they needed him most. harsh, yes, but not necessarily wrong. john was acutely aware of how him laying in this bed, rotting for days on end was selfish to his men. he knew that they were looking to him for guidance, and all he was giving them was a depressing display of self pity.

his mind drifted back to curt. he would always tell bucky that he was one of the strongest and most resilient people he had ever met, and how he would give anything to be as half as stubborn as him.

bucky always shot back that stubborn didn't necessarily mean good, but curt refused to see him in a bad light under any circumstances.

“i got you a bowl.”

gale’s voice. he glanced over his shoulder, gazing at the metal dish that gale was holding in his direction. same meal they'd been served for the last few months. the rumbling in his stomach wasn't even a bother to him anymore.

“thanks buck,” he hummed, turning to face the wall once more. “but i’m not hungry.”

silence fell over the room, tense at bucky’s blatant refusal of the food gale offered. he heard a short sigh from his friend, as well as a scuffing of his shoe against the floor as he turned on his heel and walked away.

he felt his stomach sink with guilt, but he really wasn't hungry. what was the point of eating, prolonging his survival when he would most likely die in the very bunk he was laying in? the thought made his appetite disappear.

he pulled the thin, scratchy blankets they were given over himself, clutching it in his hands tightly as if it were the only thing keeping him tethered to this reality.

honestly, it might have been.

𓆩✧𓆪

days and days passed him by. he wasn't able to shake the dread that had begun eating at him days ago. in fact, it seemed to have consumed him whole by this point. he only left the bed when he was instructed to by those goddamn guards, or when he had to use the bathroom. he didn't get up for food, water, to exercise, to speak to friends, nothing. he was not interested but a shell of the outgoing, confident man he used to be.

gale had kept trying to get him to leave his bunk, or to at least put some food in his system. he would bring a plate of food for him every night, and bucky would refuse it all the same. he would tell him that the others were asking for him, but bucky just brushed it off. if they were really worried, they knew where to find him.

only a few other men besides gale came to check on him during the day, hambone being one of them. he started talking about how different things were without him around. it was quiet, and no one really liked it all that much. they missed his snarky comments about the german guards and how he would shit talk them all day. that got a little smile lut of him, he had to admit that. what got him feeling serious again was when hambone started talking about how gale was taking his absence.

“he’s been quiet. way quieter than normal.” he said, voice dropping low. “only says one or two words to everyone before…he just shuts down. goes into autopilot. it's not really like him.”

and he was right. after he had said that he kept think about gale, how he was probably out there with god knows how much on his mind, and for bucky to only be adding to that…

what was he doing?

was he really causing buck that much distress? the thought made his stomach sink with guilt. gale already had so much on his mind, and for bucky to act like a petulant child and add onto all of that stress and anxiety and pain he’s been bearing for the entirety of the men trapped here was so unbelievably shitty.

what kind of friend– what kind of man did something like this to his other half– his rock, his one source of sanity in this camp, in this war?

he curled in on himself further, self loathing and dread curling their ugly black tendrils around him, engulfing him in a pitch black abyss.

he felt so, so sick all of a sudden.

𓆩✧𓆪

“word is there's gonna be another march in a few days,” hambone dutifully informed him, leaning against the creaky wooden wall and staring out the window, into the yard.

bucky was actually sitting up in his bunk today, idly fidgeting with the little radio gale had crafted a few days earlier in his hands. he hadn't actually spoken to buck, finding himself unable to think of anything of value to utter to him.

“again?”

“mhm,” he mumbled, fiddling with the dirty sleeve of his sheepskin. “apparently allies are real close. gale caught word of that last night on that radio. not sure when the germans caught wind. might happen tonight.”

bucky grimaced, setting the tiny radio on the cluttered table, sighing and squeezing his eyes shut at the prospect of walking for days on end just to get to another shitty camp, and rot there for god knows how long. he hasn't eaten in a good week, and he knows his odds of surviving the march on an empty stomach are little to none.

“thanks for tellin’ me,” buck said softly, standing from his bunk and making his way towards the door, keeping his eyes glued to the floor as he stepped outside for the first time in weeks. immediately, he felt eyes on him from all angles.

‘major egan?’

‘he’s okay!’

‘christ, i thought he died…’

he smiled humorlessly, making his way over to the water pump and grabbing one of the metal jugs, placing it under the tap and filling it up with slightly murky water and sighing to himself. he hadn't seen gale yet. a small part of him was hoping that buck would be the first person waiting for him, but he also wasn't in a good headspace to talk to him right now. he didn't know what to say to him, after knowing all the torment he had put him through with his little episode.

he turned the tap off, exhaling deeply and picking up the jug– flushing when he struggled a bit due to the weakness that came with staying in bed and not eating in about a week. he lifted it on the second attempt, huffing and hauling the jug back to his bunk.

out of the corner of his eye, he saw gale, encouraging some men to push a little harder to break the ground using that damned contraption- whatever it was called. he tensed at the sight of him, speeding up his steps until he was safe back in his bunk.

he set the jug down heavily, not even thirsty anymore. that night march could kill him, for all he cared. maybe then gale’s problem’s would be solved.

he laid in his bunk miserably, jug discarded as he thought of gale. he deserved the world, he deserved to be happy, to live a life without having to worry about him being a sad sack of shit, wallowing in his self pity. he did his best to try and keep his spirits up, but he couldn't help it. he didn't have anything to look forward to anymore. life just seemed like a whirlwind of misery and he didn't know how much more he could take. so many friends lost, so many people dead.

maybe when he died, gale would finally move on, lose that stress that came with knowing him. he could only hope.

𓆩✧𓆪

john had lost track of time long ago. he only knew day and night, and occasionally he was told what month it was.

he knew it was late, evidenced by the snores of all the men around him, and how the room was pitch black. the moonlight didn't reach his bunk, leaving him alone in the darkness to stare up at the wooden slats of the bunk above him.

he heard shuffling from somewhere in the room, then the creaking of floorboards as someone moved towards his bed.

“bucky?”

gale’s voice rang in his ears, making him go completely still as if he were a scared cat. maybe he was dreaming, and the gale beside him was nothing more than a figment of his imagination, spurred on by hunger. but when gale didn't leave, he turned to look at the blonde with tired eyes.

“yeah?”

“can’t sleep,” he said softly, and the bags under his eyes seemed to prove it. “mind if i bunk with you tonight?”

bucky wanted to say so many things. ‘of course you can.’ ‘no, i don't want you to get too attached to me if i’m bound to die soon.’ ‘i love you.’ but all that came from him was a little “uh huh,” as he scoot over to make room for the blonde.

he felt his mattress dip, and a familiar warmth crowding at his side. he almost jumped up at the almost desperateness of it all, half expecting gale to just lay by him and turn the other way. the blonde wrapped his arms around his waist, a surprising amount of muscle on them from the training they had been doing in preparation for an escape, and buried his face into the nape of his neck.

it was dangerous to be doing this here, with everyone in the room. anyone could wake up and they'd probably kill them on the spot before the nazis could. no one would accept it– two respected majors, cuddled up together like shy newlyweds in the middle of a shitty stalag, when they should be leading their men, training them, helping out in some way. but, as gale tightened his arms around john, holding onto him as if he'd disappear if he let go, he found that he could care less about what everyone would think of them.

“buck,” he started, voice soft, as soft as it's been in a long while. “what–”

“i’m scared, john,” he whispered, trembling ever so slightly as he pressed closer, like he was trying to become one with the other man. “i’m trying so hard to keep up appearances, to lead and be strong, but i’m scared.” he admitted, fingers digging into john’s side.

john was shocked into silence for a minute. gale was always so well put together. he never cracked under pressure, he just didn't. up in the air, when his engines were out and his crew was panicking, he would land that b-17 like it was nothing. ‘no engine cleven’, they called him, and he just smiled in that shy little way of his, heading to the barracks to sleep off the shock and do it all over again.

he'd seen gale shaken up a few times. when they landed in africa, he was quiet. quieter than usual, anyway. he was staring off into the distance, eyebrows drawn together slightly as he worried that damned toothpick in his mouth until it snapped in two.

but for gale to admit that he was scared was…unheard of. he wasn't the type to show or admit his emotions too openly, none of them were. but being here and eating the same bland shit, not knowing if you're ever gonna get to go home, and watching the last of your friends die during nighttime marches to a new camp did something to you. it broke whatever spirit you thought you had left.

“gale, hey-” he whispered, turning on his side and gently cupping the blonde’s face, watching as tears welled up in his eyes and spilled down his flushed cheeks. “hey, look at me. none of that,”

he used his thumb to wipe away his tears, tilting his chin up so that the blonde’s glassy eyes met his. he hated seeing gale cry. he hated knowing that all this time, he's been in pain, the weight of all of these men in camp on his shoulders, counting on him, and all john has been doing is making it worse.

“i’m sorry,” gale sniffs, hiccuping softly, breath picking up as john pulls him close, allowing the blonde to hide in his chest and inhale his scent. “fuck, i’m sorry. i just don't know how much longer i– if i can do this anymore.”

those words put fear into john’s heart. if gale, the brains, the brawn, the heart and soul of the very operation to get them out of here was losing hope– what did that mean for them? were they truly doomed to die in enemy hands, holding onto the hope that allies would somehow manage to sneak close enough to the shitty camps they were held hostage in and launch an attack on the germans?

he knew most of their thinking was extremely wishful, but it was something. a little glimmer of hope in a dark, gray times. for buck, gale was that glimmer of hope– that thing he held onto when all else seemed to fail him. even when he felt he’d die here, at least it would be with buck.

he couldn't let gale give up like this. not for his sake– hell, not for everyone’s sake. if gale gave up, he gave up. and if he gave up, everyone else would give up. a hell of a burden to carry on top of everything.

“gale,” he said softly, taking both of his slender hands into his large ones, caressing the backs of his knuckles with his calloused thumb. “gale, you've gotta keep going. without you, this whole thing would fall apart.” he said, nuzzling closer to him.

“i can't save everyone, bucky.” he hiccuped, trembling in little fits and starts, shattering john’s heart as he watched. “i can't even save the person that matters most to me. if i can't do that then–”

“you don't need to save me.” john said harshly, much more harshly than he intended to. he saw gale wince, and he immediately regretted being so harsh. “i mean– you don’t– i’m just like this. nothing you can do about it, buck. it’s not your job to fix me, okay?”

“i want to. i want you to be okay, bucky. i want–”

he sniffled, nuzzling his hot, tear-stained cheeks into bucky’s large hands. “i want you to be okay. i want you to be there with me, no matter what. i just– we've lost so many men, john. so many. but i still have you. i can save you, i can help you. i just….i need to make you feel better than this. i need you to know how much you mean to me.”

bucky was stunned into silence. he spent all this time thinking gale loathed him for his behavior, wishing he was dead and gone so that he had one less thing to worry about– but gale just spilled his guts to him about how john was the most precious thing in his life right now. not marge– him. him. it made his heart swell with something ugly.

“i’ll always be with you, buck.” john said softly, stroking his blonde locks, once soft but now slightly gritty with dirt and grime from their time in the stalag. even with limited supplies to take care of his hygiene, gale managed to outshine every single one of them in terms of beauty. “what’d i say? if i’m gonna bet on anything, i’m gonna bet on us. y’hear me?”

a shaky little exhale left gale’s mouth, pressing his face into john’s chest like a boy seeking comfort from his mom after a scary dream. john didn't say anything else, just held gale close as he sniffled and sobbed into his chest until he cried himself to sleep, soft snores leaving his pretty pink lips in soft little puffs.

he felt a surge of overprotectiveness wash over him as he watched the blonde sleep, curled into his body and clutching one of john’s hands close to his chest. he didn't need to feel sorry for himself anymore. he needed to be there for gale, so that he stopped carrying these burdens on his shoulders. they were a team, always have been. always will be. nothing in this godforsaken place could change that.

𓆩✧𓆪

john got up the next morning, careful not to disturb gale, who was still sound asleep next to him. he was on his side, almost completely curled up on himself with his thumb pressed against his lips, biting at it idly.

john smiled softly, eyes filled with a fondness for the blonde as he shuffled into his shoes, heading out into the daylight to grab some rations for the both of them.

last night was extremely sobering for him. he had spent so much time wallowing in his self hatred that he hadn't realized that his neglectful actions towards himself had been affecting gale in a negative way. when his friend came to him, crying and sobbing, worried for his wellbeing, insisting that he was the only thing that was worth fighting for anymore, he knew he had to get it together.

he went to the service counter and asked for two servings of food, saying that his friend was still asleep and that he would wake him up when he got back. who would lie for extra slop anyways?

he was given two plates, and he hurried back to his bunk, where a few of the other men began to stir awake, including gale.

“mornin, boys,” he said, setting down his two plates on the lightly cluttered table. “food’s gettin’ served up. go grab some.”

they all let out a noncommittal groan as he sat down at his bunk, digging into his mean of bland potatoes. it didn't taste any better than the last time he ate it, but he’ll be damned if he wasn't hungry.

gale sat up beside him, blinking the sleep from his eyes, which were slightly puffy from crying. his baby blue’s landed on john and widened as he saw him scarfing down the bland mush.

john smiled at him. “mornin’,”

“you're eating.” he said, voice quivering slightly.

he shrugged slightly, stirring the mush around absentmindedly. “got hungry. craved potatoes. you’ll never guess what the canteen was servin’.”

gale was on him in a matter of seconds, hugging him tightly and pressing his face into his shoulder. he was trembling, a shaky exhale leaving him as john set his plate down, returning the hug and smiling against his shoulder.

“thank you.” he whispered, voice so heart-wrenchingly vulnerable.

“don't count on it.”

𓆩✧𓆪

gale bunked with him for the next few nights, out of pure need for comfort and reassurance. he was obviously happy that bucky was eating again, but he was still stressed with all of the ongoings in the camp.

bucky had stepped in and gave a hand in training, instructing the men in what to do and how to do it, but there were just so many of them. on top of that, those german bastards were always waving their guns around, yelling at them whenever they felt like it. john had almost gotten into it with a few of them, but gale har talked him down.

what would he do without him?

“you need to be more careful when you talk to the guards.” gale said, idly smoothing down the fabric of john’s thin sleep shirt, which made john’s chest fill with warmth.

“to hell with those guards.” he muttered angrily, looking into gale’s eyes with a steely determination. “i just got my spirit back. i ain’t gonna let these nazi bastards destroy it again.”

“they'll shoot you, bucky.” gale said softly, looking up at him with a hard gaze. “zero hesitation. they've done it to other men before, and they’ll do it to you.”

“and then they’ll have a hell of a riot on their hands.” he laughs softly, which made gale sigh and press his forehead to his chest.

“why can't you just be good?”

the words caught john off guard, making his cheeks flush and his heartbeat kick up a notch. he felt his heartbeat pick up whenever gale was close to him like this, but it was a pace he had gotten used to, honestly. but hearing gale tell him to be good in a soft voice– as if he were speaking to a dog made his heartbeat kick up in another way entirely.

“uhm,” he started, face flushed a soft pink, hands finding gale’s waist and fidgeting with the hem of the blonde’s shirt. “i can– i can be good, i jus’...”

he was stumbling over his words painfully obviously. he was hoping that gale couldn't see the flush on his face in the darkness of the room, but knowing his luck he probably could.

“what's wrong?” gale asked softly, eyes lidded as his hands halted on john’s broad chest, thumb idly brushing across the fabric of his shirt in soothing little circles. “your heart is beating really hard.”

“nothin’.” he said, way too quickly for it to be true. “just. hot. i ‘unno.”

silence fell, save for the sounds of breathing from the men around them, and their own soft breathing. john really took in gale in this moment, how soft and vulnerable he looked.

his sleep shirt was loose on him, thanks to him losing weight in the camp over the months they’ve been here. his eyes were soft with sleep, lips pink and plump and parted with each little breath he took. god, he was gorgeous. he wanted nothing more than to take him on the bed right now, make him cry out his name so that everyone in the room knew who he belonged to.

he’d had these thoughts of gale since they met in basic training, but they had only gotten worse the longer they stayed in camp. back on base, he was able to keep his mind off of gale, or at least quell his desire by picking up some desperate broad in a bar and sleeping with her. but now, he looked at gale and could hardly keep his mind out of the gutter. he hated it.

“hot, huh?” gale chuckled softly, hands running up john’s chest and resting on his shoulders. “you're a bad liar when it comes to me, y’know that?”

john flushed darker, hands tightening on gale’s waist and pulling him closer, careful to keep their lower halves apart so that the blonde didn’t feel his erection through his shorts. “i’m not lying.”

“mhm?” the blonde chuckles, leaning closer to him, invading his space so that their noses touched, breath mingling together as they stared at one another tenderly, something more carnal and desirous underneath. “why're you hard then?”

bucky choked on a gasp, his face completely red to the point where he was sure gale could see it, even in the dark. their lower halves weren't touching, and yet, gale had known. read him like a book.

“how’d you–?”

“you have a thing you do,” he says, thumb rubbing at his collarbone gently. “you stumble over your words. start touchin’ things with your hands. fidgeting. sometimes it's more noticeable. its a lot less noticeable when you hit on girls at a bar, but i picked up on it.”

john huffed, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth and averting his eyes. he wasn't expecting gale to call him out so straightforwardly. it made him embarrassed. he also didn't expect gale to trail a hand down to the hem of his shorts, dipping his cool fingers inside and making john gasp sharply.

“want me to take care of it?”

“gale,” john hissed, eyes wide as the blonde’s nimble fingers trailed lower and lower, scratching at the wiry hair just above his hard cock. “our men are all around us. they might hear us.”

“then you'll have to be quiet, won’t you?”

a strangled noise left john’s throat as gale wrapped his thin fingers around his hot, hard length, giving a tentative squeeze. a shuddery breath left deep from bucky’s chest, his hands squeezing gale’s waist so hard he was bound to leave bruises.

“that good?” gale whispered, shuffling his boxers down and letting john’s cock free completely, swiping his thumb across the head and gathering the precum there so the friction of his hand was less harsh. bucky didn't have it in him to answer coherently, so he just nodded and bucked his hips upwards into gale’s touch.

it was intoxicating, the way his fingers occasionally caught under the sensitive head of his cock and made his cock jerk and leak even more, all over gale’s pretty hand.

“see? look at you.” the blonde cooed, eyes lidded and practically glowing as he gave a twist of his wrist on the upstroke, relishing in the little groans and gasps bucky let out. “you can be good for me, why can't you be good out there? i know you're a good boy, bucky. such a good dog.”

“jesus christ,” bucky swore, stomach tensing up and cock leaking into gale’s palm thickly, precum making the glide of his palm slicker. “i’m gunna cum- oh, god, buck–”

“shh,”

the blonde scolded him lightly, free hand moving to cover his mouth firmly as he jerked him off faster, the wet, slick noises coming from between them downright obscene. he felt like a girl getting laid in her bedroom, her parents right next door as her boyfriend fingered her so good she couldn't help but whine and whimper.

he didn't have time to warn gale as he shot off, thick ropes of his spend painting buck’s chest and stomach a pretty pearlescent white. when he pulled his shirt up, he didn't know.

he came down from his high, and found gale’s lips on his. he kissed back, gentle and hungry at the same time, like he wanted to devour gale whole. he pulled him close, choking out a gasp into the kiss as he felt gale’s erection press into his hip.

“buck,” he panted, letting the blonde thrust against him minutely, the little pleased noises he let out going straight to john’s spent cock, bringing it back to life. “lemme– lemme make you feel good.”

gale exhaled sharply, rolling his hips against him more desperately, now. “please.”

john flipped them over so fast that it gave them both whiplash for a moment. it was short lived, though as he was faced with the sight of gale’s hard cock straining at his boxers. john’s large hands spread the blonde’s thighs apart, tugging his boxers down his hips and letting his pretty pink cock spring free from its confines.

john was on him in an instant, licking at the clear bead of precum that gathered at the pretty pink head. gale gasped softly, his breath shaky and deep as john laved his dick in attention, running his hot tongue along the vein that adorned the underside, sucking at the tip, doing anything but taking it in his mouth yet– to enamored by the sweet little noises gale was making.

“john, please.” buck whimpered, voice soft and needy as he thrust upwards, cockhead sliding against bucky’s wet lips. “please,”

he begged so prettily. who was he to resist?

he finally took gale into his mouth in one go, nose nestled into a small thatch of blonde pubic hair just above his dick. gale bit back a moan, hands flying into john’s pretty curls, gripping them so hard that he was sure he ripped a few strands out. the sting made bucky moan around gale’s length, bobbing his head slowly.

he loved every little noise that left gale– the little gasps and quiet keens as he drooled around his cock, eyelashes fluttering as the tip of his cock nudged at the back of his throat. he wishes that he could hear gale at full volume, whining and begging for more– but they couldn't. not here.

“such a good mouth,” gale moaned, voice breathy and deep and so smooth to his ears, melting his brain as he pulled off his cock completely, licking at his dripping slit and collecting his precum with his tongue. “fuck, wish i could keep your mouth on me all day. keep you quiet. fuck–”

hearing gale cleven, straight edge, no gambling, hates sports gale cleven talking dirty to him like this sent shockwaves directly to his cock. he took him all the way back into his mouth, groaning deep in his throat as he ground against the rough sheets of the mattress, brows furrowed in concentration and pleasure as he took hold of gale’s slender hips. he felt so filthy, so needy and desperate for anything gale would give him, like a stray dog begging for food.

he wanted anything gale would give him. affection, hatred, love, loathing– he was hungry for all of it, for him. his cock was amazing on his tongue, hot and heavy and velvety, leaking in copious amounts down his throat as he swallowed every last drop of him. he could feel gale spasm in his throat, close to orgasm, and he found himself feeling greedier by the second.

“jesus christ,” buck gasped, hips lifting from the mattress, hand tightening in john’s curls, pulling him down onto his length frantically as his stomach began to spasm and tense up. “i’m– i’m gonna– john–”

his throat was flooded with gale’s spend, and he worked his throat around his sensitive cock dutifully as he swallowed it all. it was the sweetest thing he’d ever tasted, it made him hot, it made his brain melt, it made him needy for more–

he felt his cock spill against the sheets, a small whimper caught in his throat as he rode out his orgasm.

when he came to, he was aware of gale whimpering from overstimulation as he absentmindedly suckled at his cock.

“john, please,” he whined, trying to pull free. “enough.”

bucky pulled off, cheek resting on his thigh stickily. they were both panting, faces flushed and eyes glossy with aroused tears. they locked eyes, and john couldn't help the surge of emotion that overcame him as he shot up, capturing gale’s lips in a soft kiss. at this moment, everything felt like it would be okay.

“we should clean up,” gale mumbled against his lips, panting softly. “made a mess.”

“yeah,” john agreed, kissing him again, quicker this time. “think we can score new sheets?”

“we can jus’ move to my bunk for now. toss these sheets aside for morning laundry.” gale hummed, yawning softly and rubbing at his eyes like a sleepy little kid. how he could be so goddamn cute after doing something so filthy was beyond him.

“alright,” john hummed, watching as gale tucked himself into his boxers. “lemme wipe ya down first.”

john untucked a corner of the bedsheets, using them to wipe at gale’s cum stained torso gently, gale squirmed under the attention slightly, blushing at the way john was looking at him, full of love and reverence, like he hung the sun and the stars himself.

once he'd finished, he let gale stand and move back to his bunk, allowing john to rid his bed of the stained sheets and toss them aside for laundry. he'd find an excuse later.

he made his way to gale’s bunk, reversing the roles and cuddling up to gale, nuzzling into his neck and sighing deeply. gale smiled softly, hand carding through his hair gently.

“next time, we’ll try to make less of a mess,” he mumbled, voice deep with sleep as he pulled john closer.

“next time, huh? you fantasizing about it already?”

buck rolled his eyes, and bucky didn't miss the faint flush on his cheeks.

“i’m just saying. it’ll be nicer. maybe it’ll be in a proper bed, without all these people around. just the two of us, in our own bed,” he mumbled, eyes drifting shut. “just us, bucky.”

“buck–”

he didn't get to ask what he meant. he had already fallen asleep, snoring softly into the darkness of the room. buck went silent, pressing his ear to buck’s chest and listening to his steady heartbeat as he mulled over his words. his heart felt like it was going to jump out of his chest.

maybe they would get out of here. if it meant he and buck would have a promising life together, he would be damned if he died in one of these godforsaken camps.

he would make it. for them.

taglist: @mooodyblue @lauvmyself @kaiistheguy @slowsweetlove

#mota #gale #john #buck x bucky #masters of the air #masters of the air fanfic #john egan #gale cleven #hbo war #clegan #eganven #curt biddick

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milesdickpic · 1 year ago

Text

His Little Girl | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader P.78

Click here to see the master list

Hi, babes! We are back with anotha one! I can't thank you all enough for the unconditional love and support. Thank you for everyone that has returned to read my story! Thank you to the new readers who have taken interest in it! I love you all so much! ❤️ Happy reading and enjoy! 💕

A/n: This one is gonna do a doozy on some of you, besties. There is a lot going on here, BUT there is also a surprise coming 😈 Bradley is going through a million different emotions from the accident, how will this pan out? 🫣

Word Count: 5.5k (FINALLY A LONG ONE YOU ALL DESERVE)

Warnings: crying, cursing, description of injuries, signs of PTSD, PTSD behaviors, mentions of death, anxiousness, depression, sadness, self-doubt, but more love and excitement ❤️

Please don't take my work, I will find you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next week, some of the days and nights, not all of them, it was rough. It seemed like anytime Bradley had fallen asleep or taken a nap he would succumbed to his dreams. He would wake up in a panic or wake up yelling. After his nightmares he would feel so defeated, he would cry and apologize to you endlessly. You felt horrible that your husband was going through it. You just wanted to take away his pain. All you could do was reassure him he was okay and it would get better. It was normal for this to be happening, he went through something traumatic. You’d be worried if he didn’t act this way. You continued to comfort and care for him day in and day out. You would do anything for him. He was everything to you.

You were in the kitchen making snacks for everyone. Leia and Mav were outside playing in the backyard with Gunner. Phoenix and Hangman were gone at work. Austin was on the couch with Bradley playing video games. Bradley really started to confide in Austin about his troubles. He said it was easier to talk to someone that didn’t know anything about the military. It was easier to talk about everything instead of having to feel he had to hide some parts of it. Austin was happy to be someone that Bradley could confide in and help.

You brought over a tray of snacks. “Bradley the doctor will be over today to see you.” You kissed his head. “I think he’ll be proud of you that you are able to get around on your own and do more.” You smiled and sat on the couch as you rubbed your belly.

“Austin do you think, you could go and get Leia and Mav for snack time? I want to talk to y/n for a little bit.”

Austin patted Bradley’s thigh and nodded. “Of course.”

Bradley gestured for you to come and sit with him. He threw his arm over your shoulder. “Sweetheart. I want to apologize for everything.”

You furrowed your brows at Bradley. “Please Bradley. Don’t start, baby.” You placed your hand on his cheek.

He shook his head. “No. You’re having to deal with my issues, my pain, you’re having to care for me, for everyone…” He sighed and shook his head. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you. Not the other way around.” He looked at you sadly.

You kissed his lips gently. “Bradley Nicolas Bradshaw, you stop that right now.”

“But sweetheart.”

You shook your head and held his face firm in your hands, “You are my husband. I vowed to always take care of you. Even if I didn’t vow I would do it in a heartbeat. You mean the world to me, Brad. Please don’t apologize. You’re going through a rough time, and I want you to know… no matter what I will be here by your side. No matter how hard. I love you so much, please don’t apologize.” You pushed the hair from his face and smiled. “It’s you and me forever, Brad.”

He laid into your palm. “What did I do to deserve you?”

You giggled, “Simple.” You kissed his nose. “You were you.” You smiled. He looked at you with his puppy dog eyes and kissed you.

“I love you, sweetheart. Thank you for loving me, always.”

———

Later on that day, the doctor came by to check on Bradley. They were surprised with the progress he was making on his own. They wanted to start him on slow and small physical therapy with his arm. He was to start moving it little by little everyday so it wouldn’t be so stiff when it came time to remove his stitches and staples.

“Daddy, for therapy can we play the piano together?” Leia laid on his shoulder and smiled up at him.

“You know, that would be a great idea. It’ll help with little movement in your arm.” The doctor smiled at Bradley and Leia.

Bradley nodded at Leia and kissed her head, “You are so smart my girl.”

———-

Over the next week Bradley was doing more things around the house for himself. He was able to shower and change into his own clothes. He was progressing very well. He was really pushing himself to get better. Even though you told him you loved caring for him, he still felt bad that you were. He started to play the electric piano Bob got for Leia for Christmas, with Leia multiple times a day. He taught her about each note and how to read music sheets. She was so smart she was picking it up quickly.

Bradley’s POV

“Daddy, can you teach me how to play Great Balls of Fire? I’m already an expert with twinkle twinkle. I think I need more of a challenge.” She raised her brows at me.

I chuckled, “Of course, I can baby. Maybe you’ll learn it quicker than your mommy.” I winked at her and you scoffed from the kitchen. “Okay, baby. Help daddy take his sling off, I’m going to need both hands for this.” She nodded and started to carefully take off my arm sling.

“Is this okay, daddy? Does it hurt? Do you need medicine?” Leia rubbed my arm gently as the sling came off.

I kissed her head, “I’m okay, sweetheart. Thank you.” I smiled and sat her in my lap. “You ready for this?” She nodded. “Okay we are gonna do the easy version until you get it, okay?” I kissed her cheek.

“No, daddy. I want the hard version. I can do it!” She bounced in my lap.

“Oh my goodness, Leia Rey!” I laughed, “Okay. We can try the hard version.” I grabbed her hand and placed each of her fingers on the keys. “Okay so you’re gonna have to spread your fingers out wide.” She placed her hands on the keys, “Okay, and you’re going to push this one.” I pushed her fingers down into the keys, “Then this.” I showed her the next ones. “This, and then these.” She nodded. “Okay. Show me baby. In that same order.”

She played the ones I showed her. “And then I’ll play these parts.” I started to play with my bad arm trying to get some movement. “So you’ll play at that pace as I play these okay? We will practice those for a while and go from there. Sound good?”

She nodded and looked back to me. “Can you play the song first, daddy? So we can sing it again?”

I nodded and kissed her head. “Of course baby. I’m gonna be a little rusty, Daddy is still trying to get strong okay?”

“You got it, daddy. Don’t think. Just do.” She giggled.

I stretched out my arm slowly. We went over to the dinner table and placed the piano on it. I played a couple of keys to get familiar with the feelings. “Okay here we go, honey. Momma, sing along too if you wanna.” I chuckled and began to play.

-plays Great Balls of Fire-

I played slow at first trying to get a feel for it. It wasn’t bad so I picked up.

“Too much love drives a man insane!” I shook my head as I sang and Leia jumped around. You sang from the kitchen as you were cleaning.

“You broke my will, but what a thrill.”

Leia jumped up onto the table. “GOODNESS GRACIOUS, GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!” She threw her hands up in the air as she yelled it.

I continued to play. The pain from the movement in my arm started to subside and it felt really good to get some proper circulation to it. I bobbed my head and continued to sing and play as you and Leia danced around and sang with me.

“Kiss me baby!” Leia came over and kissed my cheek, “Oooooh, that feels good baby.” You and Leia both held onto me. “Hold me baby!” I started to chuckle. “I wanna love you like a lover should.” I winked at you, “YOU’RE FINE!” And I winked at Leia, “YOU’RE SO KIND!”

Mav came into the front door smiling, I stopped playing for a second and waved over to him. He just came back from walking Gunner.

“Papa Mav! Come and join us! We are singing while daddy does therapy!” She ran over to Mav and started to pull him though the house. He started to chuckle.

“Slow down, sweetheart!” He looked at me and smiled, “What are we singing?”

I smirked, “A classic.”

He nodded, “Let’s hear it.”

“START IT FROM THE TOP, DADDY!” Leia pumped her fist in the air. I started to laugh.

I restarted the song. I looked at Mav as I started up. He smiled big and shook his head. The girls started to sing as I played. “Oh come on, Mav don’t be shy now!”

He nodded his head and chuckled. He started to sing with all of us. He picked up Leia and sat her on the table. He poked at her stomach as we sang, “You broke my will, but what a thrill. Goodness gracious great balls of fire!”

He picked her up and held her against his hip as they danced around and sang. “I’ve changed my mind, this love is kind, GOODNESS GRACIOUS GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!”

He spun around with Leia in the kitchen as she giggled and held onto him tightly. “Papa you’re going so fast!” She was squealing and he was still singing to her.

You placed your hands on my shoulders and danced behind me as I yelled the song at the top of my lungs. I started to dance in the seat and you started to laugh and kiss my head over and over again.

I looked up at you and sang, “I’ma tell the world that you’re mine, mine, mine, mine!” You kissed my lips.

I looked over at Mav and Leia. He was jumping around with her in his arms.

“GOODNESS GRACIOUS, GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!”

Mav threw Leia up into the air, “YEE HAAW!” And caught her giving her a bunch of kisses before letting her down.

“Papa that was fun! Can we do it again?” Leia clung onto Mav’s neck.

He started to laugh, “I would love to, sweetheart. But let’s get your daddy his medicine first.” He kissed her cheek and let her down.

He came over to me with my medication for the day and some water. He rubbed my shoulder lightly as he checked the healing. “You’re looking so good, Rooster. It’s healing well.”

I took my medication and chuckled. “Thanks, Mav. I can’t wait to start working out again. I am so squishy.” I squished my stomach in my hands and raised my brows.

“I love your scruff and your dad bod thats coming in. I think it’s really hot.” You kissed me on my cheek.

Mav covered Leia’s ears, “All right, not around the Jedi.” He started to laugh.

———-

Your POV

Over the next couple of weeks, Bradley really progressed. It was time for him to go to the doctor and get his stitches and staples removed. He sat there patiently. He was excited to finally get them out.

“Babe, I am so excited to get these freaking things out. I’ll finally be able to do more, start physical therapy. WORK OUT!” He sighed and smiled. “Finally!”

Mav came into the room with the doctor. They were laughing as they entered.

“Lieutenant Commander.” They came and shook my hand. “Are you ready to get these all removed?”

He nodded and his eyes went wide. “So fucking ready.” You shot Bradley a shocked look. “I apologize. I’m just really excited.”

The doctor laughed and started to check Bradley’s body’s progress to see how he was healing. They said he was on track with healing, if not already super ahead where he was supposed to be. They had him strip his shirt and they started to check his shoulder.

They started to remove his staples from his shoulder. Bradley was super excited as they started to pull them. “I can’t even feel them, I’m so excited.” He smiled big at you and rubbed his hands together. The doctor held him still and chuckled. He was bouncing in excitement like a kid in a candy store. “Sorry. I’ll say still.”

As Bradley got his staples removed, Mav put his arm around you and leaned into you. “Sweetheart, do you think we could talk for a moment?” He gave you a sweet smile and nodded over to the door.

“Yes, of course.” Bradley looked at both of you and you pointed to the door, “We’ll be right here, baby. We will be back.” He nodded to you and Mav.

Mav closed the door behind you and him, “Sweetheart. I’ll have to be going back to San Diego later on tonight.” You nodded and he rubbed your arm. “I am so sorry, I intended to stay longer, but I can’t take another leave.”

You smiled and gave him a hug, “Mav. Please don’t apologize. I am thankful you even took some time to come out here and help.” You hugged him tight.

He placed a kiss on your head and rubbed your back, “I really wish I could stay longer to help you and Rooster. I don’t want to leave you both and Leia.” He sighed against your hair, “Of course I came. I would do anything for you two. Anything you need, you just call me and I’ll make it work. I’ll find a way.” He hugged you tight.

“Thank you, Mav. For everything.”

You and Mav entered the room and the doctor was finishing up removing the stitches and staples from Bradley’s clavicle. Bradley had a smile plastered on his face as the doctor let him know how many stitches he had left to be removed. When the doctor finally finished removing his stitches and staples, Bradley ran his hand over the area.

“Wow, that feels really weird. I finally feel like I can stretch my arm up without splitting my cuts open.” He started to chuckle and he slowly raised his arm up.

The doctor started to test his range of motion. They moved his arm up, down, side to side, gently and slowly as they made sure the healing didn’t constrict his range of motion. Bradley winced at some of the soreness he was experiencing with some of the movements.

“Everything looks like it’s coming along, Lieutenant Commander. We are just going to do a couple of X-rays on your shoulder and chest to make sure everything else is doing well too. Then from there, we can schedule you to start more vigorous therapy to help you get stronger again.” They patted his back and gave him a smile.

Bradley looked over at you and smiled. “I can’t wait to fly again, sweetheart.”

The doctor quickly looked at Bradley when he mentioned flying. Bradley furrowed his brows at the doctor. “I will fly again, right?” His voice grew concerned.

“Lieutenant…”

Bradley interrupted them, “What? You’re not going to tell me I can’t right?” He looked at Mav with hurt in his eyes, “Please tell them I’ll fly again. I want to fly again.” Mav stayed quiet and looked at the doctor. “Mav.” Bradley had so much hurt in his tone. He looked at you, “Sweetheart.”

“Bradley…”

He shook his head, “I won’t take no for an answer. I’m going to fly again.”

Mav came over to Bradley and rubbed his back, “Let’s just take it step by step, Rooster. There are steps we have to take to make sure you’re good to fly.”

Bradley sighed and nodded, “All right.” He looked at the doctor. “So the X-ray now?” The doctor nodded and lead him to the X-ray room. You and Mav stayed behind.

Mav placed his head in his hands and you sat next to him placing your hand on his back, “Mav, will he fly again?”

He looked up at you and gave you a weak smile, “I hope so. He’s worked so hard to get here. He has to go about the board, they’re already doing investigations as to what happened. From my side, I see no foul play. This was purely out of his training instinct and trying to save his partner. It’s just the Navy is strict with pilot’s coming back from injuries. If they feel it is in his best interest he doesn’t fly due to his injuries…” He sighed and sat back in the chair.

“He’ll never fly again…” You said sadly and your heart hurt for Bradley. You knew how much he loved flying. How much he loved his job. How this was his way of feeling close to his dad. You knew he would be heart broken if he couldn’t continue to fly, especially this early in his career.

Mav nodded. “I hope he recovers fully, has no issues. Because then without a doubt he will fly, but he has to prove himself to these doctors that he is capable and can do it.”

You laid your head on Mav, “Do you think he’ll make it through?”

Mav laid on your head and nodded, “He’s just like his dad and his mom. He’s gonna do it. I know it.” He looked at you from the side of his eye. “Do you think he will?”

You nodded, “I know he will. He’s Bradley. He has that longing determination. When he wants something he doesn’t stop until he gets it. He’s like you, Mav.”

You felt Mav smile against your head. He chuckled, “He just does it properly, sweetheart.”

———-

Bradley came back from the x-ray room and sat on the examination chair. The doctor went to go and get his x-rays to go over them with the three of you. Bradley sat in silence, slightly anxious for what his results were going to look like. You went over and kissed his cheek, “It’s going to be okay, baby. You’ve been doing so good. It’ll just take time, okay?”

He smiled and nodded at you, “Thank you, baby. You always know what to say.” He chuckled and kissed you back.

The doctor came in and placed Bradley’s x-rays on the viewer.

“Everything is look very well. You are healing fine. However, you will have to go through therapy to help stretch out that movement in your shoulder and clavicle. If it’s not treated properly, you can get stiffness in your neck. Limiting your mobility.”

Bradley nodded, “Let’s get this thing started then.” He smiled optimistically.

———-

You, Mav, and Bradley arrived back to the house. Everyone was home at the time. Mav had sat everyone down and explained that he was going to leave later on that night back for San Diego.

Everyone was sad that he would be leaving, but they all thanked him for his duration of stay. Bradley took it the hardest. He didn’t want Mav to leave. He felt that he really needed him for help.

Bradley’s POV

“Mav, do you think we could talk before you go?” I patted Mav’s back.

Mav nodded, “Of course.”

We went out into the backyard and sat on the lounging chairs. He leaned forward and patted my leg. “What’s on your mind, kiddo?”

I took a deep breath and looked up at him. “It’s the nightmares. Negative thoughts. The flashes of memories. What I remember and what I saw.” I pushed my lips together and became tense.

Mav patted my leg and squeezed my knee. “Hey. It’s going to be okay. Tell me about all of it, Bradley.”

I gulped and took a deep breath. “I keep having nightmares. It's a reoccurring one where I save Riot and I’m going down. Phoenix is screaming for me. I get it nearly every time I close my eyes.”

Mav nodded and wiped his hand over his mouth. “Hey, It’s normal to be having these nightmares. Do they always end the same? Or are there different endings to them?”

“They end the same.” I looked down and my breath was shaky. “I die.”

Mav pulled his chair closer to mine and pulled me in for a hug. “Bradley. I am so sorry you are having this nightmare. It’s just a nightmare and that is all it will ever be. Remember. You are here with all of us. You are doing absolutely amazing. Do not let it take over you. It isn’t your reality.” He rubbed my back and I laid on his shoulder.

“Mav, I haven’t told anyone this. Especially not y/n.” My breath heightened. “But I think I was meant to die.”

I could feel Mav tense against me and hold me tighter. He started to shake his head. “Bradley.”

I pulled back and started to shake my head. “No Mav. I’m serious.”

“Bradley.”

“Mav. I don’t think I was supposed to be here.” I started to panic.

“BRADLEY!” Mav’s voice was stern. Snapping me out of my episode. I looked at his tearful eyes. “Please. Bradley stop.” His voice was shaking with every word.

“Mav. They were there.” A tear fell onto my cheek. He was still holding my face in his hands. His face grew with confusion.

“Who was there?”

I gulped. “Mom and Dad.”

Mav straightened out his back and looked at me with soft, but wide eyes. “Bradley…” He barely whispered my name. He grabbed my shoulders and gave me a little shake. “Hey.” I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

I sniffled. “They were there, Mav.” I sighed. “I was going down so fast. The emergency chute wasn’t coming out after mine was shredded by the debris. When I hit the water, I felt so cold. I was fighting to get up, but it went black. I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper. It was so dark and cold. I was alone. There was no one, but me. I was in a dark place dragging my heavy soggy chute. My flight suit weighed me down. I was calling out for y/n. My babies.” I looked down and closed my eyes. It all started to play again.

“Take your time, Bradley. It’s okay.” Mav rubbed my arm and placed his hand on my knee. “I’m here, kiddo. Talk about it.”

I nodded and sighed. I kept my eyes closed as I described it, it started to play again. Everything I saw.

“I was walking alone. It was dark. I could hear the water swishing below my feet. I was lugging my chute, clenching the pictures I had of y/n and the kids. I started to cry because I was lost, scared, cold. Then there was a really bright light. It was so bright I couldn’t open my eyes to it. Then I felt warmth. I finally pried my eyes open and there they were. Holding me. Mom was sobbing and shaking her head as she held my face in her palms. I started to cry too. Dad was picking up my chute and helping me hold it as he held my mom and me.”

I started to cry. “Mom said I shouldn’t be here with them. But she was happy to see me. That she missed me so much, but it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Dad was crying. He held me tight and said I needed to fight. That it wasn’t my time, yet. I didn’t want to leave them. I wanted to stay. They walked with me through the beach they used to take me to all the time when I was a kid.”

Mav nodded. “I remember that beach. You got your first bad sunburn out there when you were 2.” He let out a little chuckle.

I wiped my nose and laughed, “Yeah. That one.” I cleared my throat and looked back up at Mav. “I showed them the pictures that I had. They told me I couldn’t leave them behind. That I needed to fight to be with them. I could hear y/n talking to me every day. Mom and Dad loved the way her voice sounded as it echoed through my lifeless body. Mom and Dad cried when I had to leave. But they promised me they are always with me. That they’ll always be with me.”

Mav pulled me in for a hug. “I love you, Bradley.” He held me tight in his embrace. “Your parents were right. It wasn’t your time. You still have to be here, for a long time. I thank god, that they sent you back. That you fought to be here. I couldn’t lose you. Y/n couldn’t lose you. The kids couldn’t lose you.”

I sighed and nodded into Mav’s shoulder. “I just feel so lost without them, Mav.”

Mav pulled back and placed his hand on my cheek. “You are a great husband, father, friend, PILOT. I know it's hard without them, but you have done so much. You paved your way.”

I looked down and gulped. “Are you proud of me, Mav?”

He sighed and chuckled. “Are you really asking me that?” I nodded. He playfully smacked his hand into my cheek a little harder and made me look up. “Bradley. I am so proud of you and all you’ve done with your life. You have exceeded anything and everything I wanted for you. I couldn’t be more proud of you than I am right now. But I know that's going to change because you’re going to do so much more with your life. I am so damn proud of you, Bradley. Don’t ever doubt that.” He smiled at me and patted my cheek. “How dare you ask me that.”

I started to laugh and he pulled me into him. “I thank god every day that your mom and dad brought you into my life.”

I smiled and hugged him back. “I thank god you became best friends with my dad. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

———-

Your POV

Bradley and Mav finally came back in from being out in the backyard. “Mav, I don’t want you to go. What am I going to do without you?” Bradley sighed as he looked at Mav.

Mav smiled and put his arm around Bradley’s shoulders. “I’m just a call away. If you need anything. You can call at anytime. I’ll always be here for you, kiddo. I’m not going anywhere. AND if it’s something urgent. I can be here within 5 hours.” He chuckled as he hugged Bradley.

Leia laid on Austin’s arm and hugged him, “Does that mean you’re going home now too, Austie?” She looked up at him sadly.

Austin ran his hand through Leia’s hair and kissed her forehead, he sighed. “Darlin, I don’t know how to tell you this.” He looked at her sadly, but then he looked at Phoenix with a smirk and she tried to hide her smile.

Bradley rolled his eyes, “Oh god, what did you do?”

Austin sighed and put his arm around Phoenix and Leia. “Well, I called my agency back in San Diego to check how my patient was doing while I was gone. They had informed me she had gotten a new care taker and I am officially on the market.” He looked at Bradley and smiled. “I asked if I could inquire in on a new patient and I gave them a suggestion of mine.”

Hangman started to laugh, “Oh fuck. You didn’t.”

Austin smiled and winked at Leia, “Oh, but I did.” He looked over at Bradley and smiled, “You, sir, are looking at your new caregiver for the next couple of months until you get back fully on your feet. IF, thats alright with you, Lieutenant Commander.”

Bradley started to laugh, “Holy shit.” He put his face into his hands, “Are you serious? They let you do that?”

Austin nodded, “Only if you want it.”

Bradley was lost for words, “Yea. Holy shit. Yes. That’ll be great. Thank you so much, man. It’ll definitely be help to y/n as well. She won’t have to do so much for me.” Bradley got up and hugged Austin. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Austin patted Bradley’s back gently, “Of course, Brad.”

———-

Later that night you were all saying your goodbyes to Mav as he was getting into Phantom’s Camaro to head to the airport. Leia ran after Mav and hugged him tight. “I’m going to miss you, Papa Mav.” She was looking down and frowning.

Mav knelt down and picked up her chin, “My little Jedi.” Leia looked up at him sadly, “Don’t be sad, I’ll just be a phone call away. I need you to take care of dad, okay? Be a big strong girl. Make sure he takes his medicine and he does his exercises everyday?” He nodded at Leia. “Okay?” He gave her a warm smile and she nodded slowly, “Hey, Jedi. Look at me.” She looked up and gave him puppy dog eyes. He chuckled, “Your dad used to give me the same look.” He kissed her cheek, “I need you to be a big girl. You’re gonna be a big sister. I know you’ll be the best big sister ever.” He pinched her chin, “I’m just a phone call away, little Jedi. Don’t be sad. It’ll go by fast and I’ll see you soon. Okay?”

She clung onto Mav and didn’t want to let go. “Can you tell Uncle Rob, Rue, Mickey, and ‘Yote that I miss and love them, Papa Mav?”

He nodded and kissed her hair, “I will, sweetheart. I love you, Leia.”

She hugged him tighter, “I love you too, Papa Mav. Give Penny and Amelia hugs and kisses for me.” She pulled back and gave him a small smile.

Mav cupped her face and smiled. “Of course.” He kissed her cheeks and waved bye to everyone.

———-

Bradley started to go to therapy at the training facility near the tarmac. He was so excited to be near the jets again. His view was the tarmac so he got to watch as everyone would take off and land. He would spend at least 4 hours at the facility working on his mobility overall. Then sometimes he would stay to go and see his pilots on the tarmac. Bradley started to progress with his injuries and the doctors said his future with flying started to look promising. He even went about the board and they didn’t rule him at fault for the accident that had occurred, just like Mav had said.

You were at home with Austin. Leia was over at Phantom and Evelyn’s house playing with Kaia and Kamalani. Phoenix, Hangman, and Bradley were at work for the day. Bradley was due to come back around 4 PM, but if he decided he wanted to stay longer he would usually text you, to let you know.

You were standing at the kitchen sink doing some dishes from the night before. Austin was cleaning up around the house and doing the boy’s laundry. You all had started to get things ready for the boys arrival. Things were already put together in their room, the bags were packed, Austin had just finished washing all their clothes, and you just needed to put the car seats in the car. You were standing at the sink. You back was really hurting and you stood there. Austin looked over and saw you had your hand on your lower back and were trying to stretch it out. He came over and grabbed a chair for you.

“Hey, Darlin. Why don’t you rest and take a seat? You’ve been on your feet too long lately.” He placed the chair behind you and rubbed your lower back. “Here, have a seat.”

You sat for a while and he massaged your shoulders. You chuckled and shook your head as you relaxed, “Aus, you’re supposed to be taking care of Bradley, not me.”

He laughed and placed a kiss on your head, “Darlin, I promised to always take care of you. I can take care of both of you.”

You patted his hands and he stopped massaging your shoulders. “I need to go and clean up for the day. It’s already noon and I am still in my PJs.”

Austin sighed and nodded, “I’ll help you out.” He helped you off the chair and wrapped his arm around your waist as you started to walk to the stairs. “You ready?” He raised his brows at you.

You nodded and sighed heavily. You held onto your belly, “Let’s freaking do this.”

Right as you took the first step you felt water start to rush down your leg. Your eyes went wide and you froze. “Oh Shit.”

Austin looked at you with wide eyes and looked at the puddle that was soaking both yours and his socks. “Darlin… Did you just pee?” He was looking around at the floor.

“Austin…” You were in shock and stayed still.

“Hey. It’s okay. I’m sure there is a lot of weight on your bladder from the boys, accidents happen. I can get that cleaned up. Don’t worry, honey.” He started to removed himself from under your arm.

“Austin… Wait…” He stopped and looked at you. “I didn’t pee…”

He looked at you with wide eyes and put his hand over his mouth, “Holy shit!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BESTIES OMG. We are about to give birth to the twins! Finally! But besides that, I hope Dadley will be okay 🥺 The journey continues! I will see you all in the next one 🫣

My kids' godparents are in the comments 🫶🏼

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bougiebutchbinch · 1 year ago

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On Izzy Hands

Popping this on this blog too, just so it'll show up in the tags... My superior alternate suggestions for a S2 ending are under the cut. We all know I'm right.

Honesty Hour time. The reason we were all like 'I bet he's going to die' is because WHENEVER a character has a cool redemption arc OR a queer character comes out and experiences genuine queer joy for the first time in their life, their mortality rate goes up by 90%. But it was such a disappointment to be proven right.

I think we all expected better of the writing team. They've committed to doing genuinely new and interesting things with this story in the past, rather than just trotting out tired old tropes! But... not in this case.

People say they want more Zuko-esque redemption arcs, but we can't have that if every character who was A Bit Of A Dick at first gets killed off. And... c'mon. The whole arc of Izzy finding a family in the crew, and healing after being abused awfully for ages, and finding happiness, and openly embracing his queerness and disability.... then just randomly getting shot by a dude? Not even as a dramatic 'protecting someone' sacrifice? He just randomly got shot?? And we're all supposed to feel sad about that rather than just kinda let down?

Yeaaaaah, I do not think they achieved what they were going for.

I understand that a lot of that was because they had to shorten the series SO MUCH more than they wanted, but still.... it would have cost nothing to let Izzy just sail away with the rest of the crew as the Captain of the Revenge, while Ed and Stede retired!! It felt kinda like they were building towards that all season! Hell, that would've been a more meaningful progression for all of their characters.

We could still have had the scene where Izzy tells Ed he has family and that he's loved! We could've had a fake-out death where we had all the drama and expectation that he would die! Then in the last scene he comes out as the new captain to officiate Lucius and Pete's wedding!

We'd have Ed and Stede letting go of Blackbeard for good and building something new together on land - but we'd also have Izzy finally moving beyond the 'Blackbeard' persona he helped Ed create (and, arguably, did more for than Ed!). He'd be a captain who actually gives a shit about his crew, but who has learnt from Stede and Ed the importance of being a bit softer and gentler rather than brutally efficient 24/7. He evidently already admires Zheng (the face journey he goes on when she downs the big guy at Jackiez is ... it's sure something!) and I want a million more hours of them interacting. I bet they could be a super-funny duo. Plus, he could inevitably drag Stede and Ed back in next season! And get revenge on the prince who shot him!

It would've been perfect.But no, they had to kill him off because the OT3 potential was too strong, and bury a career pirate on land. Meh.

I'm tempted to watch the next season, if there is one, just for Olu/Jim/Archie/Zheng, but I can't say I care that much about the writing anymore. I won't be crying if the show does stop here, but I will be crying over everything that could have been!

#izzy hands #ofmd #our flag means death #ed teach #stede bonnet #ofmd meta #blackbonnet #steddyhands #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd spoilers #dizzy izzy #izcourse

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abbysimsfun · 3 months ago

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Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 28 (The Trouble With Marcus Flex)

Heather received great news from the developers of VetConnect when they agreed to help her build the PetConnect extension. They believed it would be successful and might even give her enough to buy out the Landgraabs, but for now, she just had to get it finished.

At work the next morning, she thanked her problematic vet tech, Marcus Flex, for the idea. But ever-flirty Marcus took it as something more.

He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. Heather pulled back immediately. "Half the clients who walk in here might fall to a puddle at your feet when you kiss them like that, but I'm your employer, Marcus."

"I'm sorry, Doc. I thought-"

"I should fire you. I can't because you kissed me and it'll look personal, but this is your last chance. Pull your socks up around here, or you'll have to find another place to work."

He was twenty-one years old and noncommittal by nature, but he finally started paying attention in his evening classes and began to pull his weight around the clinic.

Then one day, a girl came in with her family’s German Shepherd, Jax. She wiped tears from her eyes as she signed him in.

Instantly, Marcus was taken with her, approaching her and her dog with more trepidation than Heather had ever seen in him. "Hi, uh, my name's Marcus Flex. I'm sorry to see you looking so sad, but we'll take care of your dog and make him feel good as new."

"My mom was supposed to bring Jax for his annual check-up today, but she just died of heatstroke from the heat wave," she said gloomily. "I miss her so much."

Marcus wanted to reach out and comfort her, but his boss was watching nearby with a stern glare. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Miss...?"

"Thomasine Chopra."

Heather poured herself an espresso and smiled at Thomasine and her pet. "How are classes going at Deadgrass Isle High School, Thomasine?"

"We took a few weeks off to mourn my mom. Dad took us to the city to distract us, I think, but I couldn't sit through math class so I'm grateful. Needless to say, my last year of classes will start a little late."

Marcus looked away, flustered.

"I'm so sorry," Heather said. "When I heard about your mother's death I couldn't believe it. I can't imagine what you're going through."

"The card was really sweet, and Jax loves his Buttercups. Everyone in town's been great, and they've made things a little bit easier."

"Well, Marcus will take extra good care of Jax today, and I'm always here if you or your family need anything. Not just for Jax."

Heather's endlessly flirtatious vet tech had caused her as much grief as he'd proven he wasn't entirely hopeless. She couldn't help but think he needed guidance, and while they closed up at the end of the day, Heather warned him to wait for Thomasine Chopra. "I don't care if she's 18 already. If you think your feelings mean anything this time, keep your distance until graduation or I will fire you."

Marcus nodded, still a little shell-shocked by his new affections.

Could Heather continue to manage motherhood, the Landgraabs, and her clinic? ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start

NOTE: When Heather opened her clinic, Marcus was one of the sims she could hire and I went for it immediately because I love playing with premades. But then Marcus became an obnoxious NPC who made out with every single customer constantly because the Romantic Aura Action Plan had been default activated in Brindleton Bay. It all gave unflirty Heather a negative 'witnessed crass moment' moodlet EVERY TIME. So I finally decided to give him a storyline with the intention of moving him into the save file so he'll age naturally, make nooboos, etc. Somewhat unfortunately this is the only unmarried sim Marcus wanted because I also hadn't adjusted my age gap romance settings after playing the Ultimate Decades Challenge in my last save, so YA and teens could flirt etc.

All this to say I promise I won't let Marcus become a complete toad. Since I love my premades, I'm plotting a decent arc because this save did him a little dirty.

#sims 4 #sims 4 gameplay #sims 4 screenshots #sims 4 legacy #sims in bloom #ts4 #ts4 gameplay #ts4 legacy #ts4 screenshots #sims 4 story #ts4 story #legacy challenge #sims legacy #ts4 legacy challenge #gen 2 #brindleton bay #marcus flex

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revasserium · 1 year ago

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Hello, hello! I would like to request a drabble with Leona Kingscholar and the prompt, "after a gunshot wound" + fem! reader, please. Make the ending happy, please. I can't stand sad endings.😥 Thanks!

reqs are open :) @savanaclaw1996

after a gunshot wound (mafia!au for my 31 days of aus)

leona; 2,147 words; angst w/ a happy ending bc... u just said that the end had to be happy, right? lol; also cw for blood and guns

clean hands.

no one would mistake him for a murderer, not by the soft of his hands, the tenderness of palms, but as he tears off his ruined gloves with his teeth, the blood still warm and dripping even as it coagulates against his skin, he wonders what the world might think if only they knew the truth — that being a prince to a dying empire also means courting death.

and he has never been one to fuss over keeping his own hands clean.

unlikely savoir.

if you were to ask him why he saved you, why you of all people, leona doesn’t think he’d be able to find an answer. because the answer — the true answer — is far too pedantic: that his body moved before his mind could catch up. that before he really knew what he was doing, he was already at your side.

“this… isn’t how things are supposed to go —” you cough, feeling the pain ricochet through your whole body from the base of your spine, the side of your waist wrapped in layers and layers of bandages.

“yeah, i know,” he says, one leg propped on the other, his hair twisted in a hasty braid, tossed over his far shoulder. he’s cleaning a gun — one of his favorites, an old smith and wesson 29 — wiping down the sides and the handle with a meticulousness that people would never usually associate him with.

“daddy always said —”

“— that if you needed more than six shots to kill someone… you’d probably end up dead first,” leona finishes, a smirk quirking his lips as his hands pause over the glinting metallic barrel. “i remember… he taught me too.”

you sigh and lay back on the pristine white sheets, staring up at the hospital’s linoleum ceiling.

“do you miss him?” you ask, not really looking at him.

“what kinda question is that?” he asks, and his voice is a low, seismic rumble, almost too quiet to hear.

“it… you should’ve… i mean —” your words catch in your throat and your hand shoots up to cover your mouth, almost dislodging the iv hooked up to the back. leona tuts before gently tugging your hand back down.

“i should’ve saved him? bullshit — he’d kill me himself if he got outta there and you didn’t.”

“but —”

“shh… don’t think about that… you need to rest.”

you’re vaguely aware of the buzzing warmth spreading through your limbs from your right arm before your eyes fall shut and your breathing evens out once more.

by the door, ruggie cocks his head.

“when’re you gonna tell her, boss?”

leona slates him a dark look, “when she’s ready to hear it.”

not where but when.

“mr. kingscholar, back again today?”

“yes, room —”

“i know the one, sir. uhm… it’s just —”

the nurse purses her lips, her eyes flickering from leona’s deadpan face to the room down the hall, the lights always kept low, the blinds always drawn.

“just say it already.”

the nurse jumps at leona’s voice, but she swallows and nods.

“it’s almost been… a whole year now… don’t you think we should move her to the longterm ward? the rooms are bigger up there — and there’s more natural light — i’m sure she would —”

“no. that one’s fine. and… she can’t be moved.”

he doesn’t look up as the nurse nods tersely, watching as he makes his way to the end of the hallway, the last door on the right. he takes a breath as he stands in the doorway, his eyes catching on your sleeping form.

he pulls a revolver from his pocket, drops into the seat next to you, turns down the dial for your sleeping drugs, and slowly starts to clean.

when you wake up this time, your eyes are a little bit clearer, but your gaze is still unfocused when they land on him.

“l-leona? wh-what happened?”

“you were shot,” he says, matter of fact as he turns his eyes back to his gun.

“yeah… i feel that. but… where… when…” you frown, trying to feel along the side of your body where the bandages are. they feel stiff, and somehow, the pain is too far away. leona tuts as he tugs your hand away.

“don’t mess with your bandages — you’ll never heal properly that way.”

you purse your lips as your hand goes slack in his.

“you got… new gloves.”

“huh? yeah — course i did. i couldn’t keep my old ones.”

you nod, letting your head fall back onto the pillows, staring up at the barren landscape of the hospital room ceiling.

“leona…?”

“hm?”

“i… i want to go home.”

leona goes still, his whole body feeling like a wound spring, his stomach clenching inside him as he stares at the gun in his hands. he has to curl his fingers into his palm to stop himself from shaking.

“ye-yeah. we’ll get you home. i promise.”

“when?” you ask, turning towards him, your eyes wide and hopeful.

he casts you a smile, and somehow, even after all this, it’s the bravest thing he’s ever had to do.

“soon.”

time warp.

“you can’t keep doing this.”

“the fuck i can’t.”

“boss — it’s not fair —”

“don’t talk to me about fair —”

ruggie winces as leona’s fist smacks into the punching bag, nearly knocking it completely sideways as he lets out a frustrated snarl, ripping off his boxing gloves.

ruggie takes a deep breath, “it’s been almost two years. the hospital bills alone are getting insane —”

“so what? it’s not like we’re strapped for cash —”

“but how’s this doing either of you any good? i mean —”

“oh, you think i want this? you think i enjoy this fifty first dates shit? this… this — weird, time-warp where every time i go to see her i’ve gotta pretend that — that everything’s just happened? that i’m not the reason she’s in that bed to begin with?!”

leona’s chest is heaving by the time he finishes, his face pushed up against ruggie’s almost nose to nose. and still, ruggie steels himself to hold his ground.

“you’re not the real reason she’s in that bed.”

“i was the one who shot her!”

“you were the one who saved her.”

leona shakes his head, sinking his now-bare fist into the punching bag once more. ruggie chews on his bottom lip, resisting the urge to turn tail and run. but he’s had enough running for a lifetime — this at least, is something he needs to do.

“she — she deserves to know,” he says.

but leona only swallows and shakes his head.

“i… i don’t know how to tell her.” and it’s the first time that he’s admitted it to himself, out loud at least. and even the words are crippling — the breath seeps from him as he sinks down against the wall, letting his head thunk back, his hair falling loose from it’s haphazard ponytail.

“well…” ruggie says, joining him on the ground, casting his eyes up as well, a light grin pulling at his lips, “you start with one word, and then the next… and then sometime after that, it should get easier.”

and try as he might, leona can’t help the laugh that stumbles up and out of his throat — torn from him almost like ripping off a scab, leaving him feeling red and raw and restless. he shakes his head, letting his shoulder bump against ruggie’s.

“you’re a shit best friend.”

ruggie smiles, “and you’re a shit boss. but hey — we can’t have everything, can we?”

the first time.

and the next time he goes to see you, he tells himself that it’s the last time he’ll do this. but when he walks into your room, it’s to find you already awake, staring up at the ceiling. when he breaches the threshold of the room, your eyes slide over to settle on him, and a faint smile graces your lips.

“hey you.”

leona blinks.

“uh — h-hey… did the sleep drugs wear off?” he can feel his heartbeat thrumming a too-quick baseline at the back of his throat and he wonders if one of the nurses had screwed up your daily doses of anesthesia.

“they must’ve… what time is it?” you look around for a clock in the room. there isn’t one but leona looks around with you.

“not that late,” he says, dropping into the chair next to your bed, “are you… hungry?”

“starved,” you say, laughing as you try to sit up and he reaches out to wrap an arm around your shoulders. you’d never been fragile, not even when you were a tiny little girl, but just now beneath his hands, he laments at how breakable you seem.

“i dunno if you’d like any of the hospital food but… i could try paging for one of the nurses.”

“no, it’s okay. the only good stuff at a hospital is the jello anyway.”

leona laughs, nodding as he props you up on a pile of pillows, sitting back and staring at you in mixed awe and trepidation. it’s the most he’s heard you say in… god — years? years. and he can’t help marveling at the sound of your voice, just as sure and strong as it’s always been. he used to jam a finger in his ears and yell that you were too loud but now, he thinks he’d like nothing more than to fall asleep to it, just to hear it and hear it and keep on hearing it.

“then… how about we get outta here later and i take you to a proper dinner?”

your smile is sweet and just on the other side of teasing.

“leona kingscholar. are you asking me on a date?”

he sighs, shaking his head, pressing his thumb and forefinger to the top of his nosebridge as he pinches.

“yeah — sure, if that’s what you want to think.”

you regard him for a moment before you drop your gaze to the back of your hand, the iv needle still taped firmly in place.

“i’m… not quite sure what to think… i mean — what’s a girl supposed to think of a guy who’s been lying to her for the past two years?”

leona feels his whole body go cold, but you’re still smiling as you look at him, your hands folded neatly in your lap. so, he forces himself to move, to lean forward and reach for your hands, and when you don’t stop him, he doesn’t question why your touch feels a little bit like salvation. why you’ve always kind of felt like that to him.

“i — i’m sorry.”

“i know… i know you are,” you reach up to tug at the ends of his hair, “it’s gotten way longer y’know… it’s one of the things that gave it away.”

he laughs, the sound both helpless and mercifully light as it spills from him.

“shit… i should’ve known it’d be the hair. you always were so damn obsessed with it.”

and when he looks up, it’s to find your cheeks tinted with a color he hasn’t seen in two long years and it takes everything inside him not to reach out and press his palm to it, to reach out and catch it, to save it and cup it close to his chest like a firefly’s dying light.

“can you blame me? you’ve got gorgeous hair,” you say, even now running your fingers through it and he lets himself sink to the sanctity of your touch.

“so… i guess i owe you an explanation,” he says, finally looking up as your hand drops and he bites down the urge to grab it and press it back to the side of his face, to kiss at the patch just inside your wrist.

“yes, that’d be nice,” you say, your voice as casual as it is light, and he knows, even before he starts speaking that he is forgiven, and it’s all he could’ve ever, ever hoped and prayed for.

you, alive; him, forgiven.

and, given those circumstances, he thinks that he really has no other reason to keep on deflecting anyways. so, leona takes a deep breath and tries to remember ruggie’s words — one word, and then the next —

“so two years ago… your dad came to tell me that there was going to be a coup…”

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fireflylitsky · 3 months ago

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@latart I DID and it will not be nearly as cool or edgy as anyone thinks or wants to be honest 😂 It's a very barebones wip, Hidan from Jashin's POV.

Hidan is not immortal, Jashin just has a fixation with him and goes out of her way to bring him back every freaking time. She is up to her eyeballs in frustration with this guy and cannot understand why he keeps killing himself. She later finds out that her scriptures have become twisted after so many years of inaccurate translations and translations of those translations.

Now people seem to think she's some sort of death god??? It's very stressful for her, but she can't help but feel something for her stupid little human follower.

Snippet:

Jashin keeps a journal. It’s an important thing to do as a God. With a projected lifespan of eternity, it’s easy to forget the little details.

Ever since the great culling of Gods by her paleness, Kaguya, Jashin has been in hiding, relying on the worship of the few to keep her godship instated.

The rules are simple: No worshipers, no Godhood.

Most of her journals over the last few centuries are filled with mundane drivel that she doubts she’ll ever revisit—then Hidan shows up.

Things get interesting, but interesting doesn’t necessarily mean good as he is quick to display.

Dear diary,

Yesterday I had 23 followers. Today I have one. I should hate him since he’s responsible for killing the rest of them. Smite him, maybe. But he’s all I have left. Besides, I can’t fully blame him for the massacre, humans can be rather irritating.

Dear diary,

His name is Hidan. Sorry, I should offer context. That follower I was talking about yesterday? His name is Hidan. I’ll learn more soon I’m sure.

Dear diary,

Hidan died today. As you know, he was my only follower. I know I’m not supposed to resurrect the humans, but what else was I to do? It was kind of sad how it happened. Fell right into a trap, poor guy. One of those pits with spikes in the bottom. I figured he could have a second chance. Besides, who is going to tell me no? Hah.

Dear diary,

Well, he thinks he’s immortal now. I suppose I should have seen this coming. He bragged about it to quite a few people, even used my name. Maybe this is good advertising?

Deary diary,

He did it again. It was on purpose this time. A pointed rod through his heart. Injuries like that are easy to fix at least. Sometimes I appreciate how simple he is.

Dear diary,

This human is more work than all the previous ones combined. I can hardly look away without fear of him dying. I’m getting the impression he thinks he’s doing this for me.

Dear diary,

I found the scriptures Hidan had gotten his hands on. I think the previous members wrote it themselves. I have never once demanded a human sacrifice; this feels like they’re projecting. Is it a mistranslation issue? Anyway, I think I understand Hidan a little bit more now.

Dear diary,

I am a God, not a personal shopper. I do not need to be wasting my time masquerading as a mortal and commissioning a custom weapon. This is a stupid idea.

Dear diary,

I did it. I got the scythe. It was a moment of weakness, but he was having a bad day and I… I just felt bad. I hope he likes it. I made sure to get it in his favorite color.

Dear diary,

Hidan made a friend. He’s tall and upon further inspection, appears to be made of black spaghetti. I’m afraid I have fallen out of touch with what constitutes a human these days.

Deary diary,

Oh. They are not friends.

Dear diary,

I’m not sure what they are anymore. But if Hidan likes him, then I like him.

Dear diary,

Hidan is upset about something. He cried today when no one else was around. He always talks to me about everything, but he hasn’t mentioned this. Should I be worried?

#WIP game #Jashin's diary #I think she really loves Hidan that's her little guy #Thanks for the request <3

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lol-jackles · 1 year ago

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Is it just a side effect of being somewhat disappointed in who Jensen presents himself in recent years, or is it normal that I find Dean's sad monologues less meaningful and more over dramatic the more times I watch supernatural?

For me, many of the earlier ones hold up well, but him talking to his dad’s grave in What is and What Should Never Be just feels a bit silly now. Like, that’s not even your real dad’s s grave, dude. And the mirror scene in Regarding Dean feels a bit self-indulgent. Even him talking to Mary inside her head just seems like … too much? It’s like I can feel the show going, “Get ready for it … we’ve got a scene coming up where Dean is going to emote all over you! Cue up the one perfect man tear!" Or the whole over the top apology to Castiel in purgatory.

It could just be the natural effect of rewatching, but I often find the emotional monologues less impactful. Yet, I still enjoy watching Jared play soulless Sam, and looking at how different he is from normal Sam. Or seeing how he deteriorated during the trials era.

I guess I’m just wondering if I’m just biased now. Or if there is a more legitimate reason that Jensen’s emotional scenes loose effect on me while Jared’s characterization still fascinated me.

There’s a reason why I didn’t choose the scenes you mentioned for my "Jensen’s best acting" posts.

I suspect the main issue was the lack of organic build up so it felt slightly out of the left field. Look at the ~build up to Dean's emotional conversation to Mary in 12x22:

12x3 - Dean refuse to look at Mary when she tries to day good-bye

12x4 - Dean wonders why Mary isn't calling or texting him

12x6 - Dean wouldn't talk to Mary

12x7 - Dean is angry that Mary isn't calling or texting him

12x12 - Can't remember if Dean and Mary interacted while Sam was killing Ramiel.

12x13 - Dean bans Mary from the bunker

12x15 - 12x20: Dean is mad that Mary isn't calling or texting him

The saving grace of Dean's speech in 12x22 was it was about how Mary's demon deal had destroyed Sam's life and her death destroyed the family. This speech was a long time coming and it need to happen, but the build up to it should have been better executed.

Dean's apology-prayer in 15x09 also didn't have an organic build up, which was why Jensen comes off as overacting. They didn't spend any time showing why Benny was such a big deal, he wasn't even in the “Then” portion of the intro, so the general audience had no clue who this Benny is because he was last seen 7 seasons ago. Then this was supposed to be the build up to Dean's apology-prayer:

Dean: I know you’re sorry about mom

Cas: I’m so over your dead mother. I was talking about Jack

Dean: *shocked pikachu face*

In contrast to 4x11 when Dean revealed to Sam about his time in hell and broke down into an emotional confession how after 30 years on the rack, he broke and took up torturing souls and he liked that. That breakdown makes sense because the preceding episodes were building up to Dean’s breakdown and he earned the right to do so.

#jensen ackes

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clownprincehoeshi · 9 months ago

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Parallel Hearts - Chapter 5

Synopsis: Never in your wildest dreams you imagined that you’ll meet your ult bias. Maybe you finally have your shot at love and happiness. Or not.

Genre: Fluff, Smut, Angst

Pairing: fem reader x idol Jungkook fem reader x idol Mingyu fem reader x idol Hoshi

Warnings: Kissing-Nudity-Sex 18+-Harrassment-Stalking-Death mentions-Cheating

youtube

Word count: 4681

I can't wait to continue with the next chapter and with the drama. You're welcome to leave a comment and reblog.

Previous chapter - Next chapter

Masterlist

Weeks passed and your life seemed like it got better with each day. The sadness from your last breakup faded away slowly but surely. You had Mingyu now, and you’ve been spending time together whenever he could. It was the same story all over again with his busy schedule, dating an idol, missing him, feeling lonely at night.

Your feelings for him started to flourish and you felt closer and closer. It just felt comfortable, felt right. The trust was there already, you knew he would do anything for you. He even dropped his friendship with Jungkook for you, because he felt you were being played.

How did you feel dating one of the most wanted men in the country? Hell, you were ecstatic. He would bring you flowers or gifts every time you would see each other, he would cook for you, spoil you in all ways, make plans for the future, and he was just such a happy positive person.

I mean, was this dating? Were you a couple? You never talked about that, you just kept seeing each other and having amazing sex. But you were falling in love with him and you felt loved.

He would always insist that you went to all his concerts, he had a thing for fucking you after. So he was desperate to fly you wherever he was touring, find you a room in the exact hotel he was staying at. He was always sneaking out of his room at night and come to your room to fuck you dumb. And you loved it.

Today was one of those days when you would get at the hotel after the concert and you would wait for him in your room. But in stead of having dinner only the two of you, he came to pick you up and go to the hotel’s restaurant which was pretty empty. Only the members were there and a part of the staff. You felt shy, it was the first time when he would bring you to a gathering while being his gf.

You both sat at the table where most of the members were, you all greeted each other. They seemed pretty shocked to see you there, so you had to ask Mingyu if they knew about your relationship. He just nodded and changed the subject really fast.

Was really late in the night, around 2 AM when they decided to move to a room and they chose Dino’s room. They dragged you along with them, promising there will be fun games. And to be honest, you always wanted to play mafia with them, and it’s the game you suggested.

At this point, you felt a bit more comfortable around them, plus you had some to drink so you felt pretty social. DK was being very loud, as usual, just singing when you least expected. Dino and Mingyu seemed pretty drunk but at the same time they can drink a lot, till the morning and still be able to walk. Joshua and Seungkwan were drunk too, but they were quiet. Seungcheol kept on being clingy with the members, while Hoshi was fucked, face red, holding DK’s hand and kissing it. The others were pretty chill, maybe just tipsy.

Mafia started and you knew it will get so funny that you’ll die laughing. You were chosen as a mafia, along with Cheol and Hoshi, but you were very confident in your acting skills. You had a great poker face too.

The first round was just chaos. You tried to be quiet and pretend to observe to see who’s acting weird enough to point them as mafia. Then all of the sudden, Hoshi gets up and points at you.

Hoshi: You!!! You are a mafia, aren’t you?

You were flabbergasted. Like…he was supposed to be in your team. Did the idiot forget you were both mafia?

Y/N: Me? Why me?

Hoshi: I think you have been really quiet, and you know…the quiet ones end up being the mafia.

Y/N: That makes no sense, I am quiet all the time.

Seungcheol: That’s right, she’s just a quiet person. What do you expect her to do, jump on chairs?

Cheol was trying to put some sense into Hoshi and keep me in the game. And for the moment it worked, you thought he remembered that we were on the same team.

Y/N: But you know what’s the good thing about being quiet? You can observe others behavior. And I think I know who the mafia is.

Mingyu: Who? Who?

Y/N: Wonwoo has been incredibly quiet, don’t you think?

Everyone jumped in agreement, he was really quiet tonight. So when all had to chose someone to kill, Wonwoo was the group’s choice. But of course he was just a villager. You pretended to act shocked and sad about it. Then the mafias had to decide who to kill and the three of you raised your heads. Cheol kept making faces at Hoshi for coming after you and decided to take DK out.

For round 2, it seemed that a little group formed and Jeonghan was very serious about Hoshi being the mafia. He even convinced others to chose the same. You and Cheol tried to put it on someone else, but didn’t work, everyone was just following Jeonghan.

Hoshi: Ok, I am the mafia. And! I will tell you another mafia if you keep me in the game.

Everyone was screaming, laughing, on the floor. You just knew he will pick you. Cheol went to Hoshi to pull on his shirt and ask him if he’s really going to say it, laughing to mask the fact that he was also a mafia.

Hoshi: Y/N! she’s the mafia!

You tried to convince them that he was trying to take a villager out and not to trust him, but in the end they chose to take you out and keep him.

Seungkwan: Wait a minute! Y/N, if you tell us who’s the third mafia, we will let you live.

Y/N: I’m not some traitor like others.

You were giving the stinky eye to Hosi. God, you could not stand hm at this point. What the hell was his problem? So they took you out and you went to sit next to Wonwoo while they were cheering for taking a mafia out. Mingyu gave you a pouty face and you went to whisper in his ear that you will go to your room to sleep. You wished everyone good night and left.

You were fuming. Not because of a silly game, but because Hoshi did it intentionally. You knew it, it was so obvious he didn’t like you. Next time, you decided to stick up for yourself in front of him and stop being such a plant.

A shower was the best idea to calm down, so you turned the hot water on and got naked. After not even 5 minutes, as you were washing yourself, you felt someone grabbing your waist from behind. That made you jump and push him back, but he was too strong for you. After one second, you thought it must be Mingyu, since he had the second card to your room.

Mingyu: I dropped the game and came right away.

Y/N: Only because you are horny and want to get your dick wet.

Mingyu: And because I like you.

You were already angry because of stupid Hoshi, so you thought it was the perfect moment to ask Mingyu what was going on between you two. So you pushed yourself and turned to him.

Y/N: Gyu, why do you like me? You like me as a friend, as a fuckbuddy, as a gf? What do you want from me? I think we need to talk about this. I need to know what I am to you.

He was a little surprised about the questions, but he knew that one of these days you will need to talk about your relationship.

Mingyu: I like you as a person, friend, fuckbuddy and gf, all together. I mean, we are together, aren’t we? I have only been seeing you, no one else.

Y/N: Mingyu, I have feelings for you and I really don’t want to play games. I had my heart broken already so many times, and the last time you were there. You know how much it hurt, you saw me at my worst. If you’re not going to be exclusive with me, tell me now and let’s end this.

Mingyu: Where is this coming from? Baby, I promise I have been seeing only you these weeks since our first night together, and I plan to keep it that way. You’re my girl and I love you.

At that point, all the frustration you were keeping inside just made you cry. You hugged him and cried in the shower. He made sure to help you wash, dry you and put you into bed. Then he kept you close into his arms and gave you the sweetest kisses.

Mingyu: Please don’t be sad, I am not going anywhere. I am yours, as you are mine.

And his words came out in such a tender voice that made you melt and you just wanted him more. So you grabbed his ridiculously handsome face and kissed him passionately, like there was no tomorrow. Your hands moving all over his body wish rush. Under his t-shirt, under his shorts. You loved how receptive he was to you, how fast he would get hard for you.

Y/N: Gyu. I need you. Need to feel you now.

He pulled you on top of him and pulled his shorts down. The tip of his cock was right on your entrance, rubbing slowly.

Mingyu: Shit, you’re wet already. All for me. Ride me baby. Ride my cock, use it, cum on it.

His hands were holding your waist and he was helping you sink down on his length, pushing slightly. You were a hot mess, moaning his name on repeat, feeling every inch of him going deeper. You wanted to see him, watch his beautiful face react to you fucking him, so you lifted yourself off his chest and put your hands on his thighs, leaning a bit back.

He could see the show, how his cock was going in and out of your pussy and how wet you were. your hips were moving slowly over him, in circles, trying to make yourself cum. his hands went to your ass, squeezing it hard, as his high was approaching fast.

Y/N: God, right there, like that.

Mingyu: You look so beautiful right now and I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it much longer.

Y/N: Want me to cum on your cock, baby? Tell me!

Mingyu: Ahhh, you’re so bad. You take me so good, so good for me. Cum on my cock, baby!

Y/N: Tell me how much you want it.

Mingyu: Pleaseee! Please, princess, I wanna feel you clench around me.

Y/N: Then watch me cum all over that dick.

You kept rotating your hips over his lap, faster, sinking into him deeper and you came so hard that you couldn’t keep your eyes open. Your fingers were grasping on his skin so tight. Your orgasms kept on washing over you, the intensity made you lean over his chest, your hands around his neck, squeezing it tight.

Somehow, that action made his cock twitch inside you and you felt him spill his cum deep and hard. He was a moaning mess too, so loud when he came. But you didn’t stop. Oh no, you kept riding him, still clenching the fuck out of his cock.

Mingyu: Baby, please.

Y/N: Please, what?

Mingyu: So sensitive, I can’t…

Y/N: I know you can fill me up again.

Your hands were more rough on his neck right now. And he filled you with his seed once again, in seconds.

Mingyu: Ohh shit! Fuck! So good!

Both of you were spent and stopped from moving. But you were into a slow passionate kiss now.

Y/N: I didn’t know you were into being choked?

Mingyu: Me either, but I really loved it.

After you showered and got back into bed to sleep, you remembered he told you he loved you earlier that night when he came back to your room. And you needed to let him know that you feel the same, so knowing he was not asleep yet, you got close to his ear and whispered you loved him too.

Mingyu: I know.

And he gave you a sweet kiss.

Now it was easier, knowing exactly where you two stand. Hana was happy for you. So happy that she would keep you posted with all the gossip about your new bf. There were a lot of rumors about him and other female idols, you just brushed it off. You knew how the media in Korea was.

Hana: You know...I think Mingyu is more handsome than Jungkook. And he’s taller.

Y/N: Ugh, don’t remind me of that snake. I’m so glad I got him out of my system.

Hana: Since your man is out of the country, do you wanna maybe do something tonight after work?

Y/N: On a week day?

Hana: Yeah, why not? Maybe dinner and then a drink or two at a fancy bar. A friend of mine opened one last week and he keeps begging me to go. What’s wrong, your boy doesn’t let you go out without him now?

Y/N: You know he’s not jealous like that. But ok, if you want to go out, I guess we can stop by your friend’s bar. And I really crave some steak today.

After you left work later that day, you made a stop to her house, then yours, to change into something less boring. You couldn’t wait to put some food in your belly.

The restaurant you chose was packed and you should have been used to it by now. You waited for a table for about 10 minutes, then you finally sat down and ordered.

Y/N: I feel like eating everything on this menu, as long as it’s not to spicy.

Hana: Should we get a bottle of soju for warming up for later?

Y/N: Ok, let’s. This reminds me of the times when I was back home, going out with my friends. We would hang out at one’s house and drink before going out to the club. I miss them.

You left the restaurant a little tipsy. You are just not that strong with alcohol. Arriving into the bar Hana talked about, you noticed a big crowd outside, waiting to be let in.

Hana’s friend came outside to let us in, before all those who were waiting. That felt good, not gonna lie. The music inside was not THAT loud, was just perfect to hear each other if you talked close. But you liked the interior and the vibe. Looked like rich people went there and it smelled nice too.

You were introduced to Hana’s friend and his friends. One of them was a guy who seemed European, but you were not sure. After the place got a little more crowded and you had a glass already, you were in the mood to dance. Just hoping there were no creepy dudes there to come and grope you.

You and Hana were in your own world, having dun dancing next to each other and you see the European guy coming to your direction. It was nice to see a face from close to home, but you were not in the mood to chat to guys. When you’re out dancing, you just want to be left alone.

But this guy started to talk and talk. And you’re not the type to smile politely if they keep on talking. You just kept a straight face and eventually told him the music is to loud and you can’t hear him. Then he suggested to go outside and you declined his offer, telling him you just want to dance with your friend.

Somehow, that irritated him and he grabbed your wrist dragged you toward the exit. After a few steps, you were close to fall from the force this jerk was pulling you and your face ran right into his back. He stopped, he was not walking anymore. You took this chance to yank your hand from his and yell at him and kick him in the balls.

His hand was tight on your wrist still and he was not turning to you as you were screaming at him to let you go. Then you realized he was talking to someone. This bitch. You thought. But when you walk in front of him, you stop. Your eyes stare in shock and your mouth drops.

It was fucking Jungkook, coming to save you from another jerk. He saw the scene where the guy wouldn’t leave you be and dragged you so he had to do something. Hana was looking for you and she saw you a few meters in front of her so she came after you.

Jungkook: I thought I told you to let her go. I don’t want to repeat myself.

Jerk: And who are you, her boyfriend or something?

Jungkook: Yeah, I am. Now hands off my girlfriend!

Jungkook grabbed the guy’s wrist and pulled it off yours. You and Hana were just standing there like a couple of scared goats. What was he doing there? Why was he there? The jerk left quick and left the three of you looking at each other with big eyes.

Hana: And for your information, she has a boyfriend. You wish it were still you, but you screwed up.

Jungkook: Oh, she does?

You kicked Hana in the ribs to stop her from talking, but she kept going. She was too drunk to realize.

Hana: Yeah, Mingyu is much more handsome than you. And taller.

Jungkook’s face dropped. You and Mingyu? He couldn’t believe his ears. He didn’t keep in touch with Mingyu much, after he went to the army, but this was a lot to take in. He couldn’t believe his friend would do this.

Jungkook: Oh. Well, of course he’s your bf now.

Y/N: What’s that supposed to mean?

Jungkook: Doesn’t matter, maybe you two deserve each other.

Y/N: This coming from someone like you.

You huffed and turned away from him to leave. He grabbed your arm to stop you.

Jungkook: Wait, we need to talk.

Y/N: I’d rather put a cactus up my ass than talk to you.

You yanked your arm and left with Hana. Got out of the bar and told her you want to go home. She understood the situation and called an uber right away. That was a long and eventful night and you just want to forget about it. You’re not sure if you should tell Mingyu about it, maybe not. You really don’t want to talk about Jungkook again. You don’t even want to hear his name again.

Next time you saw Mingyu was after a few days, but just for a couple of hours, because he had a tight schedule. He came to your home, had dinner, sex, and he left. You really missed him. You haven’t spent that much time in the last month, maybe just two nights sleeping in the same bed and one dinner out with the 97 crew.

His group was getting ready for the MAMA awards, and they had a big show to do. You understood, his band was becoming really popular all over the world now, and along with that, your bf was becoming more popular among the women. You felt a little jealous at the extra attention from girls that he was getting lately.

The internet was filled with thirst reels and tik toks with him and as much as you enjoyed them too, it pissed you off too. All those little videos of him looking sweetely at female idols made you sick to your stomach. Is he back to his old ways of being a fuckboy and fucking all that moves and has a skirt?

You needed to see with your eyes, so you talked with your friend Hana to go with you to the MAMA event. She was the happiest to hear that, saying to not worry about the tickets, that Jaehyun will get us invitations.

Y/N: But I don’t know if I should tell Mingyu that I’m going.

Hana: If you tell him, you won’t see him act natural around those female idols, won’t you?

Y/N: You’re right, but I just feel like shit lying to him.

Hana: It’s not lying, it’s a surprise. You haven’t spent much time together lately anyway, act like it’s a surprise as his gf, to go see him and support him.

Y/N: I mean… yeah, you’re kind of right I guess.

Hana: Don’t worry, ok! Jaehyun will find us seats close enough to them, but as far enough that they can’t see us. And after the event, you text him and SURPRISE, I AM HERE!

And that’s what happened. You went to the event, anxious as fuck. You didn’t want him to see you and freak out and get mad at you. He should see you when you want him to see you. You were sat behind them with a few rows and it was perfect. He seemed indeed very friendly with everyone and pretty flirty with the girls.

You hoped it was nothing there, though. You knew he was a big puppy, needing interaction and attention. They ended the show with their performance. Right after all ended you called him. He didn’t pick up. Uh oh. What now?

So then you texted him to call you, because it’s urgent. He called after 5 minutes, worried that something happened.

Mingyu: Baby, what’s wrong?

Y/N: Gyu!! I thought I won’t get ahold of you tonight. I am here.

Mingyu: Where?

Y/N: I came to see you.

Mingyu: Are you pranking me?

Y/N: NO, big dummy. I came to surprise you, since we barely get to see each other.

Mingyu: Awww, babe. But I don’t know how much time I have now, because we are flying back to Seoul tonight, after midnight.

Y/N: Oh fuck!

Mingyu: Let me see something and I’ll call you back in 5, ok? Don’t go anywhere, we are still backstage.

You waited for his call while outside of the venue.

Mingyu: Y/N? I have 10 minutes before we leave to the hotel and then the airport. Come to the back entrance, a staff member will bring you in.

You went around the building and found the back entrance. It was filled with fans, waiting to see the idols leaving. You struggled to get to the front of the crowd and you waved the staff, you recognized them. They waved back and made room for you to pass the fence.

Inside, the staff walked you to a door and told you to go inside. When you opened it, you realized it was another exit, to a parking space, where you saw cars and Mingyu waving you to get into his quickly. Both you and Hana ran to his car and got in, looking after paparazzi. But it seemed safe.

Mingyu: Don’t worry, there is no one but us and staff here. We want to leave in peace, the other exit was to crowded. Everyone else is there.

He pulled you into his lap and gave you a kiss on the lips.

Y/N: I fucking miss you! I had to see you. And congrats for the wins and the performance was the best.

Mingyu: Thank you, princess. And I miss you too, you know I do. But work is keeping me busy, as you can see. I promise I will get a couple of days off soon and spend them just with you. Now give me a kiss, I have to go soon.

Hana: You guys are gross, get a room!

Y/N: I wish!!

You could feel him getting hard inside his pants and that was your cue to get up from his lap and leave, because it was just driving you crazy to have him there and not being able to touch him like you wanted. As you said your goodbyes and got off the car, you noticed Hoshi was leaning on the back. He had a dumb look on his face and you didn’t know if you should say hi or not, so you just nodded and kept walking. He didn’t react.

After Hoshi got in the car with Mingyu, Hoshi kept quiet for a few minutes, but then he was so confused that he just needed to ask.

Hoshi: So…I was not eavesdropping or anything, just saw you guys were in the car and I waited outside for you to finish, but what the hell, Mingyu?

Mingyu’s face was all red and hot now, he was lost for words. All he could say was “what’s wrong, hyung?”

Hoshi: Well, first of all, all this time you have been telling me that Y/N keeps on playing games with you. That you confessed to her and that she pushed you away each time. Second, you told me she’s with Jungkook still, on and off. And now, I see her in your lap, I see you two kissing, talking sweet to each other like a couple, making plans to spend time together alone. Maybe you can explain. I have been hating this girl for more than a year because she was treating my friend like shit.

Mingyu: Ah, hyung, it’s not like that. Yeah, she has been rejecting me, and she still sees me as a friend.

Hoshi: Are you not fucking?

Mingyu: Uhh, no.

Hoshi: Kim Mingyu, you were kissing. Like..kissing kissing. Don’t lie, I can tell when you’re lying.

Mingyu: I promise it’s not like that, we are not fucking. I just let her kiss me sometimes, it’s all I can hope for from her. If I can’t have her, at least her kisses are making me happy.

Hoshi: Nah, that’s weird, dude, wtf. Is she friendzoning you but at the same time, keeping you around just in case Jungkook is getting bored of her? Is that what you’re saying?

Mingyu: You got that right. But please, don’t judge me. I am just a guy in love and I’d do anything to be in her life.

Hoshi: Look, you’re my friend and I’m telling you this is not ok. You need to sort your shit with her. Now let’s stop talking about her, my head hurts.

The truth was that Hoshi was a very naive guy. He believed anything his dear friend Mingyu would tell him. Why wouldn’t he? They were best friends. Hoshi might not be the brightest out of the bunch, but he was not stupid. He was just very loyal and he trusted his friends a lot. How could he trust a girl and not Mingyu?

Mingyu doesn’t know why he kept feeding this lie to Hoshi. It all started one night when they were having dinner alone and Hoshi saw Mingyu being very down. So he wanted to know what was wrong. Mingyu just started telling him that there was this girl he loved, but she was with Jungkook, and how she will never leave the golden boy of kpop to be with him. Somehow, Hoshi misheard and thought Mingyu said that she rejected him and Mingyu let it slide. Since then, he thought it would be interesting to keep lying to his friend to just…keep him on his side, maybe?

Still, he knew he could just tell the truth but he felt that the lie just got to big now and he didn’t want Hoshi to be upset with him. On the other hand, Hoshi would not go to someone else with this issue because this was something Mingyu shared with him only. That way, Mingyu knew his lies were safe.

But now, Hoshi hated you even more.

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