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Sukuna’s Loneliness Part 4 (Sukuna’s Negative Rizz)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5
Some warnings before we start.
1) This analysis deals with sexual topics.
2) I will be mainly using the TCB scans because of their accessibility. Raws are from mangareader(.)to.
3) This was written as of JJK 262 266. (I'm just going to keep updating this until I stop finding things I should've noticed earlier.)
4) The raws broke me in ways you cannot possibly imagine.
(Click images for captions/citations.)
Fighting as Communication
Baki the Grappler. This is a manga where men destroy each other’s bodies as a test of strength. It’s poorly written but the art is terrifying and I love it so dearly. Between fights of extreme violence and body horror the characters eat. And that’s it. That’s the manga.
I bring Baki up because Gege is a huge fan of Fujimoto Tatsuki, the creator of Chainsawman. Fujimoto is a fan of Gege too, but more importantly, he is a huge fan of Itagaki Keisuke, the creator of Baki. (His daughter made Beastars btw.) In a way, this means Jujutsu Kaisen has been influenced by Baki. But that’s not a surprise, a lot of manga is.
Itagaki’s work is so massively influetial on Japanese media that it’s kind of hard to grasp since it’s not as popular overseas. When listening to interviews from various Japanese creators, Baki will often be cited as a major influence. And the thing is, you can tell when a creative has read Baki. There’s nothing quite like it. If you’ve read Baki and consume Chainsawman, you will see its bones everywhere. I feel the same about Jujutsu Kaisen.
The main antagonist in Baki is Yujiro Hanma. He is the strongest creature alive. So much so that he has no one to call a rival. He’s bored. He causes trouble. He kills his wife to motivate his son, Baki into becoming stronger. His son, Baki, who he grooms into becoming a fighter that might beat him in combat one day. Kind of sounds like Sukuna, right?
But that’s not my point here. My focus is how Baki doubles as a discussion about strength and manhood. It’s aggressively bisexual. Men love each other with their fists. Straight up the main character says having sex with women is the same thing as fighting men.
And it just doesn’t stop there. The homoerotic nature of the fights is never shyed away from. Here’s an example of my favorite.
He grabs his balls and compliments their size. That’s pretty gay, right? Well there’s this reanimated prehistoric caveman called Pickle that fights Baki’s brother Jack. And how do they fight? They kiss.
I didn’t call it a kiss. Itagaki did. I didn’t say they melded together. Itagaki did. This mangaka overtly calls attention to the homoerotic nature of men fighting men, and how men communicate their love for each other through violence. And yes, it’s sexual. Itagaki wants you to read it that way.
But sometimes he doesn’t want you to read it that way. Sometimes the fights are a dialogue, an emotional conversation. Like one between father and son.
Itagaki is a master of narrative framing. When he wants you to feel a certain way, you will feel it. He also tells his readers that there’s more to the fights than just fighting.

Those are the ideas that help me see the bones of Baki in other works. Men loving men with violence. Men communicating with men through violence. I see these ideas in Jujutsu Kaisen too.
Jujutsu Communication
I’ve gone over how Yuji commucates with other people on their own terms. And a lot of it is through fighting. A conversation without words, learning how someone works. Yuji is good at using fights as tool of communication.
But he’s not the one who tells you that there’s more to the fights than just fighting. Maki does in her spar with the sumo guy.
Just like Baki. Fighting is a means of communication. Gege has told you that there can be more to the fights than fighting. It's a tool used to understand the self and others.
With that in mind, I want to reexamine a particular fight under the lens of Baki rather than Umineko.
Sukuna vs Gojo
Baki tells you that homoerotic readings of its fights are intentional. If you ask me, this probably stems from historical stances on masculinity and homosexuality in ancient Japan. Men loved men and women differently, but both were ok. That’s how Baki can have a girlfriend and his gay fights. Peak bisexual optimization.
What does Jujutsu Kaisen have to do with this? Well it has been extremely queer friendly. We have a multidue of canonical trans characters, non-binary characters, and other flavors of queer characters not disparaged for their identities, Gojo Satoru included. It may not be stated outright, but Gojo and Geto do love each other in a gay way. The subtext is so persisent it’s basically text.
In other words, Gege has already told us, yes please have queer readings of this text. It’s the same way Baki tells you, yes this is straight up convoluded gay sex. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to reread the Sukuna and Gojo fight as some ridiculous mating display between two men who are fighting over can miscommunicate their intent the hardest.
Framed as Courtship
Let’s start with the framing. The pre-fight set up. How does text tell you queer readings are allowed?
Kenjaku does. It’s romantic. It’s a date. This reading has been made valid explicitly. And if there’s room for doubt because of the sarcasm? There’s still additional support for it.
We already know how badly in love Gojo is with Geto. The fight is on the 24th of December, the most romantic day in Japan. And in a fun little Geto parallel, who declared the start of war on this day, violence underlines this new romantic venture.
That doesn’t include Sukuna who recalls Yorozu’s words about teaching love in the context of marriage.
Gojo never heard that conversation which is why the next point is absolutely insane.
The outfit Gojo initially is in resembles that of a groom at a Shinto wedding.
Shinto weddings were implemented after the Heian era. Part of the ceremony includes a priest and a shrine maiden who respectively stand to the right and left of the altar. A purification ritual will occur, lead by the priest, to cleanse the shrine before vows are exchanged. Gakuganji is the priest and Utahime is the shrine maiden. To the right and left of Gojo respectively.
The bride at a Shinto wedding wears mainly white. After the 200% Hollow Purple cleanses the area, the dark shawl is removed and Sukuna remains in mostly white.
How interesting that this battle has been framed as one between groom and bride.
The thing is, marriage in the Heian era was far more lax. There were no major ceremonies. If a man was interested in marrying a woman, he would visit her for 3 nights after receiving approval from her father. Upon the passing of their 3rd night together, the family would have an informal celebration of their union in private. Even after marriage, multiple partners were allowed and sometimes encouraged.
Yorozu’s big celebration proposal to Sukuna and banning of concubines was quite improper by Heian standards. Though it is in line with modern marriages. If Sukuna did not consume any Shinto wedding literature, he probably didn’t recognize that Gojo was dressed as a groom.
But did Gojo dress this way for Sukuna intentionally? The Toji fit served an entirely different purpose. It’s the robes and pre-fight ceremony that catch my attention. So I propose the following:
1) Gojo dressed up as a groom to die and be wed with his one and only Geto in death.
2) Gojo dressed up as a groom in part as an offering to Sukuna. And because Sukuna is from the Heian era it went over his head entirely.
3) Gojo intended for both of these things at the same time and left who he would end up with to fate.
Regardless of what Gojo was going for here, it’s a visual cue combined with the knowledge of it being Dec 24th that encourages the reader to perhaps consider the fight as something other than just a fight. A date perhaps? Kenjaku made the connection and neither Gojo or Sukuna really denied it. Gojo gave the weak excuse of a death anniversary confusion. But much weirder, given how hostile he was to Yorozu, Sukuna did not object to the romantic framing in any capacity.
Am I reaching? Is this reading intentional?
When I start getting this confused by how a translated work wants me to read it, I try to refer to the original language text and anyone who knows it for missing context. Sometimes localizations add things that weren’t there or push readers towards one interpretation. So for the rest of this analysis, I’m going to be focusing on the raws.
I’m going to be honest. My Japanese fudging sucks. I can barely read kanji and can’t reliably translate anything. Feel free to correct me if I got something wrong. That being said, with what little I do know, I have discovered something interesting.
In this post I talked about how weird Sukuna’s manner of speech is. I focused on his you pronoun usage of お前 (Omae) for everyone else and 貴様 (Kisama) for Gojo since this is a strong indicator of how a character views their relationship to someone.
Here's a summary of the two points I made in that post:
1) Omae is informal and either a casual thing amongst peers or indicates the speaker's higher status. Since Sukuna is arrogant, we can reasonably assume he's talking down to people.
2) Kisama historically was a formal show of respect, but in modern times it is a hostile insult, much more rude than Omae. Since Sukuna is 1,000 years old and hates Yuji (who he uses Omae with), we can reasonably assume Sukuna was being friendly to Gojo when he used Kisama.
With that pronoun usage in mind, while examining the raws for the infamous “You Cleared My Skies” speech I found this:
Kisama. Sukuna is very happy and lavishing Gojo with praise. The assumption it was formal from the start seems to be correct. It's hard to read this any other way.
Though Japanese can easily be dubious in its interpretation, there are instances where context can cut off all other readings. I truly believe this one of those cases.
Now, to confirm Sukuna is still only treating Gojo this way I started looking at his you pronouns as he got excited post-Gojo death. Maki is the person he seems to admire the most.
He’s still just using Omae. What does that mean? Gojo is in his own fudging category for Sukuna and he has been there since the start of the manga. (For more on why this is significant, refer to this post.)
Wow ok. That’s pretty intense! We’ve got Gojo dressed up as a groom on December 24th and Sukuna treating Gojo different from anyone else. I read their fight again under the lens of explicit courtship and focused in on these specific panels.
Satisfaction. Now that’s a word that can easily carry a sexual connotation. Love as well. The parallel syntax fascinated me in English. So I decided to look at the raws and see how close they are.
Pretty much the same except for "the one who will teach you love" and "the one satisfying him now". Since the one being satisfied is Gojo by Sukuna, it really seems we can assume the one being taught love is Gojo by Sukuna.
Time to learn some Japanese again!
Kanji has multiple readings. Most have at least two. The Onyomi (Chinese) reading typically used for nouns and the Kunyomi (Japanese) reading typically used for verbs. (This is not always the case but it’s the basics.)
That’s probably why 満 is read as まん (man) when Gojo and Geto are talking about “satisfaction” using the On version and み (mi), the Kun version, when the narrator is talking about who “satisfies” who.
However 満 on its own does not mean satisfaction. It means full. To be filled. Or fullness. 足 (zoku) is added as a modifier after 満 to be read as satisfaction 満足 (manzoku). 足 usually means feet, but it can also mean to be sufficient. Manzoku therefore has a direct translation of being sufficiently full. It’s not a surprise a lot of food places in Japan use Manzoku in their names or advertising.
But what’s this? Why is this sentence written as 満たして or Mi(tashite) instead of 満足して or Manzoku(shite)? The addition of Zoku is what transforms Man into "satisfying". Without the Zoku, it’s just "fill". The means this sentence can be read as “The one filling him up now is—”
We’ve already established that the blank is Sukuna. The new problem is that he’s filling Gojo up. And boy, does that sound homoerotic to put it lightly. But perhaps I am reaching.
So I did what any sane person would do in this situation. I read hentai.
Surely if the phrase 満たして (mitashite) can carry a sexual connotation I will find it in hentai.
...
I immediately found a yaoi doujin called Fill me with your Big Love aka おっきな愛で満たして (Okkina Ai de Mitashite). Honestly, I found too many doujins about creampies specifically. (You have internet access verify this yourself.) When you search Manzokushite the results are much more in line with life satisfaction than sexual satisfaction. ...So Gege decided to use the more frisky phrasing.
Manzoku is also the name of an active sex toy manufacturer (I’m not linking them use a search engine.) and a discontinued adult entertainment news company. So the satisfaction Gojo and Geto talk about, along with Geto using 妬 (ya), the jealous kanji often used between lovers, is definitely probably carrying a sexual connotation too.
So, I’m not reaching. What the fudge did Gege mean by this?
Now that we've established that I am NOT reaching. What do we do with this information?
Well, we ruminate on the fight with the knowledge that Sukuna, of his own volition, decided to get Gojo off, probably.
I have forgiven Nanami for calling Gojo a pervert. If I watched someone bust a nut after being cut in half by his sworn enemy instead of saving the country, I too would be like what the fudge.
Anyways, the typical phrase used for an orgasm in Japanese is 行く(iku). It translates as to go. And yes it can mean to die, as in going to the other side. To die and go to heaven if you will. Which is what Gojo did with a big old smile on his face.
There’s also the term 心天 (tokoroten). It refers to a dish were a semi-opaque white substance is pushed through holes to create noodles. Literal translation using the kanji for heart 心 (kokoro) and the kanji for heaven 天 (ten). (Don’t ask me why them being smack together turns the Koroko into Tokoro. I don’t know.) Which in slang refers to prostate orgasms. This has nothing to do with this analysis I wanted to drop this fun fact in here. …And this image of Sukuna clutching his heart while looking at someone he sent to heaven.
(This is a reach but the idea of this being an elaborate gay pun amuses me greatly.)
I have another fun slang term: 賢者タイム (kenjataimu) which directly translates to sage 賢者 (kenja) time タイム (taimu). This refers to post-nut clarity sending someone into a meditative-like state.
Oh that’s a bit familiar. Sukuna was giving sagely advice to Kashimo and reflecting on satisfaction and love.
And what’s this? Mitashite has made a reappearance! Sukuna is saying “I’ve never thought about needing another person to fill me up.” Which 1. further supports the 'The one satisfying/filling him (Gojo) now is—Sukuna.' reading and 2. suggests Sukuna is a top suggests Sukuna really doesn’t have sexual interest in people. (Since the context of this convo is relationships and love.)
By the way. Acts of eating in Japanese can be modified to carry sexual meanings. It’s a bit more suggestive than English, but it carries over pretty well I think? 肉食系 (nikusokukei) refers to someone who aggresively pursues romantic or sexual relationships. Composed of the kanji 肉 (niku) for meat, 食 (ta) for eating, and 系 (kei) class. If you noticed, 食 isn’t usually read as Soku. It becomes Soku when paired with Niku for some reason. (I don’t know why someone please help me.) Side by side the kanji 肉食 (nikusoku) means meat-eater.
食 is still interesting on it’s own. The 食べる (taberu) reading is normal eating. The 食う(kuu) reading is an innuendo. It can mean to devour someone, like a cannibal, or devour someone sexually.
Sukuna has made it very clear that his eating of people is literal. There’s no innuendo. In fact, if you read into it, he’ll kill you (rip Yorozu and Kashimo).
Gojo, however, appears to be his sole exception to this rule. When Sukuna tells Kashimo not to spoil his pleasure he uses the kanji 興 (kyou). This of course can be directly translated as pleasure, but the Chinese reading of it can also indicate intense excitement or sexual arousal.
Sukuna is pretty good at double-entendre wordplay if his earlier stunts with the kanji for Enchain doubling as Megumi Activities if read a different way is anything to go by. He's a fan of Chinese literature. It's not a stretch to assume there's more going on here.
And if notoriously homophobic Reddit dudebros are posting things like this. Maybe there's a lot more merit to this reading than I can currently grasp.
I’m still pretty convinced Sukuna is aroace. That of course doesn’t bar him from pursuing romantic or sexual relationships. Sometimes there’s the one exception. Sometimes the desire to be with and please an allo partner allows for engagement of activities they aren’t into. Sometimes the actions are pursued without the emotional attachment because they physically feel good. There’s also the gray-scale and demi labels to consider.
With that in mind, I want to emphasize this all points to how important Gojo is to Sukuna regardless of sexuality. He tried to engage with and understand Gojo on terms he won’t for anyone else. And he’s been pursuing this connection relentlessly since the start of manga.
Sukuna’s Negative Rizz
Ok I established that reading the Sukuna vs Gojo fight as unhinged courtship is supported by the text. That doesn’t really say anything about Sukuna sucking at it.
But, my dear reader, that in of itself is proof of his negative rizz. I had to sit down. Learn about Heian era and Shinto wedding rituals, learn more Japanese, splice seemingly unrelated manga panels together, read hentai, and know that Gege is into yaoi to come to this conclusion. I had to rip every little shred of characterization and context apart and rearrange it into something comprehensible.
You know who can’t do that? Gojo.
As far as Gojo is concerned, Sukuna hates him. Kisama is an extremely hostile you pronoun in modern times. And if Gojo can’t tell Shoko (his closest friend after Geto) is stressed over him being used like a meat puppet by her visibly falling back on her addiction, he’s going to default to the assumption Sukuna hates him just as much as everyone else.
And Gojo does just that. He assumes he failed to reach Sukuna. Despite how often they did hand to hand combat and weaponized their knowledge of each other, Gojo believes they never had proper conversation through fighting. He dies not understanding Sukuna, convinced the other was not trying to communicate with him at all.
And if you recall, all of this fight occurred while Sukuna was wearing Megumi’s face. That boy is pretty much Gojo’s adopted child. From my experience, most single parents do not go looking for clones of their kids as partners.
If someone wore the skin of my family member I would assume they were trying to torment me. And torment Gojo Sukuna does. He draws attention to Megumi’s soul being used as collateral and attacks him with the 10 Shadows. We as the audience know this is all for the sake of getting past Infinity using his Shrine. Gojo doesn’t know that. He’s fighting an evil dude who is puppeting the body of his son for god knows what reason.
Seriously, Sukuna sucks at communicating intent.
In Part 3 of my examination of Sukuna’s loneliness, I said Dismantle is a tool Sukuna uses to understand. And that him upgrading it by making Gojo the center of his world was indicative of his desire to reach him. I also said his refusal to use it on Yorozu was him expressing how little interest he had in her.
Yorozu is pissed by this. She sees it as Sukuna rejecting her and I don’t think she’s wrong. Sukuna saved his special Cursed Technique (CT) for Gojo while turning Yorozu down. If we’re considering all the wedding imagery and references that started with Yorozu, I’m certainly allowed to read that as him saving himself for Gojo. (Think of how he lied to Gojo about being the first one he killed.)
There’s also the fact that Yorozu saw their battle as an expression love and lust—that the usage of CT is a type of foreplay under certain circumstances since it is an extension of the self. Combine that with the established premise that fighting is a type of a communication thanks to Maki vs Sumo Guy and you can start to see the courtship logic behind Sukuna’s treatment of Gojo.
If we are to read “The one who will teach you love is…Sukuna” there’s another adorable caveat. Yorozu uses the you pronoun あなた (Anata) for Sukuna.
It’s an informal you pronoun used by people learning Japanese. Native speakers try to avoid using it as it can come across as rude. But in the context of love? This is colloquially called the wife pronoun as its often used by a wife to her husband.
If you wanted to localize its usage in the way Yorozu means it, Anata might become “you, dear”. So here we have Sukuna dressed in white, like a bride to Gojo’s groom, thinking of him as Anata.
The problem is, Gojo doesn’t know that. Sukuna never bothered to open his mouth and say this was an act of love. Sure he told Kashimo in the most roundabout way possible, but Gojo was the one who needed to hear that. If a courtship is going to be this diabolically complicated, there has to be clear hints for the other party. JJK is not Umineko where there’s a witch that can revive the dead over and over until the idiot finally understands this was all for them.
Gojo also doesn’t have access to the kanji Sukuna uses to describe certain techinques or words. He hears the phonetics and runs with whatever best fits the context. This means there’s no way for him to catch the double-meaning unless he’s a certain type of lingust, which he is not. His manner of speech and personal interests don’t line up with the flowery language of the Heian Era. The types of written works Gojo is into are historical war politics from the Sengoku period (known for violence more than the fine arts), Shonen manga, and physics/math.

And what's this? According to CFYOW (the canon light novels): JJK Thorny Road at Dawn, Chapter 3 Asakusabashi Elegy, Gojo doesn't even like ancient poetry. You know, the thing Sukuna enjoys and tries to communicate with.

The Kokin Wakashu Gojo off-handedly disparages is a compilation of Hiean Era poetry known as Waka. This was the primary means of communication amongst the noble class and spiritual leaders at the time. And the thing is, this poetry is supposed to be read into. Down to the quality of stroke and paper, not just the kanji written. Especially for courtship.
It’s not that Gojo is stupid. He just doesn’t specialize in the studies that would give him a more critical ear to Sukuna's words. And Sukuna doesn’t seem to understand that no one in the modern era communicates like this anymore.
If you didn’t know, this is why Japanese characters introduce themselves they often describe what kanji their name is spelled with. Take for example: Satoru. He uses the kanji 悟 meaning enlightenment. This kanji can be read as Go instead of Satoru. Additionally, the name Satoru can be written in kanji as 聡 for smart, 智 for wisdom, 知 for knowledge, 了 for understanding, 哲 for philosophy, 聖 for virtuous, or 暁 for daybreak. That’s 8 different kanji possible if you hear the name Satoru.
This is why Sukuna’s wordplay for everything else can be easily missed by other characters. They hear the words and cannot read the kanji like us. Context decides what Sukuna means for them. And since Sukuna’s context for most is violence and insults, it’s very hard for them to think about his words in any other way.
And boy howdy does Gojo miss it. Sukuna straight up calls him his husband and it took me several rereads to catch it. While mocking Gojo for being unable to open his domain, Sukuna calls him "painfully ordinary". This is localized from the word 凡夫 (bonpu) which can also be translated as unenlightened. (A layered insult! Sukuna is pretty much saying Gojo's sorcery is so boring he shouldn't even call himself the Honored One.)
The thing is...Bonpu is comprised of the 2 kanji 凡 for mediocre, and 夫 for husband. (Please note that there are many other ways to call Gojo a ditz without using the kanji for husband.) And an update from the Replies: Turns out there's layers to the gayness too.
It's come full fudging circle. Gojo came dressed as a groom for a wedding and Sukuna thinks they're already married. The miscommunication is off the rails.
But wait! There's more...
Earlier I mentioned that the kanji for Enchain doubles as Megumi Activities. Let's break that down more. (Unfortunately the Twitter account of the person I referenced may or may not be nuked so here's this screenshot I've doctored.)
So we have the translation of Enchain from 契闊 (Keikatsu), which might be better localized as Separation.
This term comes from a Chinese poem about lovers who are husband and wife in The Book of Odes, Section I (Lessons from the States), Chapter 3 (The Odes of Bei), Poem 31 (Banging the Drum). (Here's a link to the full poem and context of it.)
In summary, it’s about a soldier who is on the brink of death, having lost nearly everything after being abandoned by those in power, lamenting the happiest days of his life with his love are ones he can never get back. (Hey that sounds just like what Sukuna did to Yuji!)
Keikatsu specifically comes from this passage:
“Our vow is beyond death and life”, I and you are together I always remembered. I will hold your hand, And together we grow old.
Too pitiful we are faraway apart, The distance separates us to meet again! Too miserable this takes forever, And it does not let us fulfill our vow!
Keikatsu is used to exemplify how the physical distance between the husband and wife prevents them from fulfilling their wedding vows. And that's just what Keikatsu/Enchain does to Yuji and Megumi, it causes painful separation neither of them wanted.
Keikatsu also tells Yuji exactly how Sukuna plans to do it. 契(kei)闊(katsu) can be written as 恵(kei)活(katsu). The kanji 恵 can be read as Kei or...Megumi. (It's the literal kanji used for his name.) The kanji 活 (katsu) can mean "activities", which is how we get Enchain=Megumi Activities.
A two for one special! Sukuna mocks Yuji for being so close with Megumi while telling him exactly how he's going to destroy their relationship.
It seems this has nothing to do with Gojo until you consider the 3rd possible reading from wordplay with 契闊 (Keikatsu). The kanji 契 when read as Kei refers to a promise, pledge or vow. When 契 read as Chigi? It can refer to sexual intercourse, especially between husband and wife.
So we have 契闊(keikatsu, separation), 恵(kei Megumi)活(katsu, activities), and 契(kei chigi, spousal sex)活(katsu, activities). It's no wonder he erased Yuji's memory of it.
Keep in mind, that when Sukuna uses Keikatsu, the only vow that he has made at this point is his promise to kill Gojo. He eventually does that using Megumi's body during a fight framed between groom and bride. And for reasons beyond their control, Sukuna and Gojo have been unable to fulfill that vow through lengthy separation.
Notes from poem "Banging the Drum" Sukuna references include the following:
"And during the operation, he lost his horse, which was a desperate situation (horses in ancient time carried soldier supply and weapons, are life companion for soldiers in advance or retreat), he lost his horse, his supply, maybe his armor and weapons, and the road he was facing that we may lose his life so he may never go back. In all these mess, he started searching, and somehow at this hopeless moment he started to revisit his happiest moment, when he together vowed in marriage ceremony with his wife, and he was even afraid that he might never see his love again."
"And His last statement for his true value is his home, his love, his fulfillment of his vow is his true duty. Hero's duty is to pursue love."
In Buddhism, which JJK is heavily influenced by, horses are a pretty big deal. Horses can represent the path to enlightenment, especially since The Buddha's horse is what takes him on this journey away from his wife and children. They separate in the end though, the horse dying of a broken heart.
Remember how Sukuna called Gojo unenlightened? He sort of guided Gojo to enlightenment using Mahoraga, whose Eight-Handed title is a reference to the Eightfold Path to be followed for enlightenment. Buddhist enlightenment is centered around liberation from suffering. (Just check the wiki entry to verify this.) Infinity was the source of Gojo's suffering and Sukuna cut right through it.
Sukuna has been running around with a broken heart for a good chunk of the post-Gojo fight. And if you take that into consideration with this poem and all the other symbolism, he's somehow a Buddha, a Bodhisattva, the dying husband, the widowed wife, and the heartbroken horse all at the same time. Not unlike his wordplay taking on every possible meaning at once.
But my point here is that Sukuna might’ve seen his fight with Gojo as consummation of their marriage. (There's probably a joke in here about the husband reaching climax while leaving his wife unsatisfied.) Remember in the wise words of Itagaki Keisuke, "Fighting and sex are exactly the same!"
In Conclusion?
This is possibly one of the most bizarre and elaborate expressions of love I have lost my mind over. Sukuna gave everything Gojo ever wanted from Jujutsu violently. He did it in such an unpleasant and cruel way that the target of his affection thought there was nothing between them. Sukuna also hid his intent under social norms that no longer exist. Unless Gojo happened to be into ancient literature, there was never a scenario where he would catch onto this. Sukuna's failure is critical on multiple levels.
It’s impressive. It really is. No one knows how Sukuna’s strange little brain works so he’s stuck being loner without anyone that fully understands him. (I’m still thinking about how Uraume didn’t know Sukuna was a twin for over 1,000 years.) He’d have to let people in and tell him outright, but he’s just like Gojo so I guess that’s never happening.
#cactus yaps#I need to have my weeaboo license revoked.#How on earth did I miss this?#GEGE WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THIS.#Hi yes I will dress as a traditional groom on Dec 24th the most romantic day in Japan after someone else called the arrangement a date.#Is this even subtext at this point?#Why can’t these men use their got danged words instead of Umineko levels of psychological warfare.#Sukuna: ''Gojo is clearly driven by lust. How do I have s*x with him without actually having s*x?#Fighting and death are basically the same thing as s*x so I’ll do that and hopefully he sees that I love him.''#Gojo to Geto: ''Sukuna gave me the best *rgasm I've had in years. I think he hates me.''#Geto: ''Huh.''#Absolutely fascinated by girlfailures Sukuna and Geto horribly fumbling Gojo in completely different ways.#I want them to fight over him in the most passive aggressive way possible.#Gojo was meant to be a romcom harem protagonist.#Though Sukuna should be way more ok with poly given Heian rules on relationships.#But you know Geto was also ok that someone else was able to make Gojo feel good.#I like that prioritization of his pleasure. Even if it came a little too late.#Much to think about.#Consider this my Sukugo manifesto part 2.#Update 8/14/24: One of these days I'm just going to have to make a new post.#Update Cont: Sukuna calling Gojo his mid unenlightened husband wife spouse all at once using two kanji is truly insane.#Update 8/19/2024: All according to Keikatsu.#sukugo#ryomen sukuna#gojo satoru#jjk spoilers#jujutsu kaisen#lemons
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he makes the trek to a local gas station and it’s just like this



AAAAAAAAAHH
You kill me. You kill me with good art. Good concept. Good expressions!!!
Ough the temptation to just fully abandon the plot of the games and just have Banban go to the gas station. The logistics of 1) how to get cloths that fit that wack ass body 2)how to actually get there and 3) Money??? So much work just to get to the gas station??! Just to freak out the cashier?
HHrrgg you tempt me to pause work on my TADC fic and reinvest in Banban. Weird red freaks my beloved
#Hotdog man lol#you know what#I should update the name#should just be called hotdog man#the lol is a little too much#banban#garten of banban#art?#art for my fanfiction?!#it's my original taking the plot WAY to seriously fic#strange and esoteric interpretations of lore my beloved#to everyone else it's a joke game but to me it's real
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okay, so the thing with wishing we could kudos every chapter of a fic.
i get it, we all want to hit the little like button more than once, it's the easiest way to express our approval/enjoyment/gratitude. i am going to address this to a generic 'you' (hello Y/N!) and assume that 'you' has either never posted fic to ao3 or hasn't posted both oneshots and multichapter works.
hits, kudos, comments, bookmarks. every marker of popularity (which many will interpret as quality) on ao3 is inadvertantly weighted in favour of works with more chapters. no, not longer necessarily, but with more chapters. go and sort a few fandoms by any of those stats and you'll probably be able to spot this trend in action right away.
oneshots are only at the top of a tag (by the default date sorting) once, and even if you re-read it you can only leave one kudos on it.
a multichapter can stay near the top of the update-sorted results for months if you time your chapter drops right, and of course every time someone comes back for the next chapter that's another hit, and being seen more it is more likely to end up with more kudos. you can still only leave one per work, though, which limits the effects to some extent. multichapter works still tend to overall outperform oneshots on stats, and the longer they are the more likely that becomes, but you'll still usually see a couple of oneshots on the first page if you sort that list by kudos.
and a lot of people (percentage unknown) do sort by kudos (or some other stat) and works at the top of 'by kudos' will thus attract more readers and more kudos. so there's an incentive to get as many kudos as you can on your fic, and if cutting it up into 250 chapters will help... well it already does, and that's had an effect whether writers will admit to dragging fics out a bit on purpose or not, but imagine if that effect were to become orders of magnitude more intense.
even if you personally prefer longer fics cut into fairly short chapters, you probably don't want to get your 150k epic in chapters of only a 100-300 words, do you? you don't want the oneshot writers to just give up when every page, no matter how they're sorted, is full of 5000-chapter works to the point that readers now riot when asked to read a whole 2000 words in one go. your fave author is now feeling insecure because chapter 12 didn't get as many kudos as the last one did.
and this is why ao3 will never let you leave kudos on every chapter. they're aware that the site already incentivises chaptering works and doing that more than you otherwise might. so you're just going to have to learn to put an emoji heart in the comment box.
#tldr; some of those '100k word novels' would not even be 100k novels if this wasn't already having an obvious effect on search results#and you want to *increase* that effect?#i see the op later added that this might help longfic writers get more attention. GIRL WHAT.#what the fuck is constantly at the top of every page in your fandom(s)?!#a oneshot has - ahem - one shot at getting any attention and then they vanish into the depths of time.#oh yeah and that's ANOTHER reason we have those shitty 'oneshot collection' works now!#they've seen other people stay at the top of the page forever and now they want a bite of that update pie too!#'chapter' 387/? coming soon!#look longfic writers i am SORRY that there's a stat where you too only get one of it per work but like... come the fuck on???#(yeah i know often multichapters do badly in 'kudos ratio' but that's not even an actual thing ao3 tracks for you. we made it up.)#(to torment ourselves further? idk but if they ever start showing us The Ratio i'm deleting everything.)#i know this post makes me seem like a bitch but i am a bitch so i can't say it's not an accurate impression of me.#damn i should have split it into 50 posts or so shouldn't i?
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(i made these back in Dec 2023 but forgot to post them. but i still like them so here they go)
anyway these are character sketches/concepts for a fic As the incense burns, which is basically Misadventures of PIDW late-game Mu Qingfang








((pardon the scrap paper, most of them were just side doodles from next to my notes lol))



some more scraps under cut ↓
these are silly goofy doodles which do not correlate with the overall vibe of the fic (with some exceptions) but i am not making fun of the fic dont worry the author gave me explicit permission to make these :) (lol)






#mu qingfang#as the incense burns#these were laying around in my sketchbooks for so long hdshk#well i figured nows good time as any to put em somewhere so that they stop gathering dust lol#hm? whats that? how come this is from last year if the new SJ update got released this month?#well you could say me and the author are......tight#hfdskjhfks yes i think im being very funny#for anyone confused its me im the author im just embarrassed by it slightly cuz im not a writer so its not really up to par#to what i would want it to be#but its whatever its just a fun thing for me it doesnt need to be good#but that is also a big reason why this gathered dust for so long i didnt know if i should post it with the link or not#eh whatever#i decided to stop being a coward and post this as a little treat to myself cuz i passed my anatomy exam today yayyy#(ironically still wayy too many exams to go so no update for this fic for quite a while still lol. maybe in january if we're lucky)
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again.... im nor a fan of posting my paper doodles but with how busy I am this is what I have to serve at the dinner table tonight... Sigh


#took another crack at premutation luchino#would u say i have improved.. (complimenr fishing)#thats a JOKE btw#im much happier withhow i draw him now..... feels less weird looking#ALSO!!!! fancychino disuit#from my premanor...#i know ive veen posting that too much butw wtv...... Shhhh#idv#identity v#art#fanart#luchino diruse#idv fanart#antonio idv#antonio paganini#idv luchino#luchino idv#luchinini#angst of them soon (to piss off my buddy aspen)#who says she'll rip out her ribs and slap me with them if i draw luchinini angst#i gotta pull a mythbuster experiment to find out the TRUTY#🦎🎻 premanor#on another note whoever has professorluchino/professordiruse url on rentry you should totally give it to me.. heh#duquien thompson hates gays send post$#ill take a better photo of suitcgino and update the post when i can. 𝑡𝑜𝑜𝑑𝑙𝑒𝑠
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Fluent Freshman - Part 32
PREV
He had the first week back from Thanksgiving break off from both classes and practice.
The week off of classes leaves FF feeling like getting stabbed has been a net positive experience for him.
First he feels like it really cemented the apparent friendship he had with at least Andrew and Neil. Second, he technically had a job offer in his Freshman year. Third, and most important, his language professor who had wanted him to come and speak to his gen-ed Latin class of over 100 students told him not to worry about it and that he had gotten one of FF’s friends to agree to the presentation instead.
His relief was so immediate and all-consuming that he hadn’t even had the energy to pretend he was upset that he had been replaced. Thankfully his teacher just chalked it up to relief that he wouldn’t have to stand up and present when his stomach was healing from the surgery.
Coach Wymack and Abby wouldn’t even let him go to the Court. Kevin had tried to argue quite a few times on Sunday when that decision had been made. Argued that he could sit in and watch for strategy purposes if nothing else.
However, even Kevin couldn’t guarantee that FF wouldn’t get accidentally run into / knocked against considering his complete lack of presence.
Matt had rushed into Abby’s house having made a bee-line for it upon reaching the airport. “Smiths! You got stabbed!” Matt yelled as if informing him of his own predicament.
“Yeah.” FF agreed as if it were something that could have been debated.
“What happened?! Nicky just sent a pic of the flowers he got you and the card?” Matt had asked pulling his backpack off his shoulder and to his front as he unzipped it and rooted around for something before pulling out an orange envelope. “This is from me and Dan, you remember her right?” Matt had asked.
FF thought of quiet conversations he has overheard over the phone and not so quiet noises Matt makes when engaging in some phone sex with his girlfriend.
“Yes, I remember Dan.” FF had said diplomatically and accepted the card.
The card was sitting on the nightstand at Abby’s house next to the card the Monsters, his grandma, other teammates, and some cards from friends he had made outside of Exy. It feels nice to look at the multiple cards all wishing him well.
His Grandma was going to stay for two weeks and Abby was being incredibly kind to put them up
He spent most of that week sleeping, spending time with his grandma, getting yelled at by Abby for trying to do chores, and spending time with the Foxes that came to visit him.
Nicky had come over to hang out every day without fail. Most of the upperclassmen who were on the original ‘miracle’ team of the Foxes stopped in to see him regularly. Even Jack stopped in to complain about how Captain Neil presented a danger to the rest of them before giving him a Get Well Soon card and leaving.
It was a strangely thoughtful card that he’s near positive Jack’s girlfriend picked out for him. When the end of the week and the first game that FF would need to sit out from approached Coach Wymack asked if he wanted to come.
“You can’t play, but you’re still a Fox.” Wymack had said and his grandma had encouraged him to go and spend time with his friends. She’d hold down the fort for Abby, cook up a bunch of food for the the team to enjoy when they got back late.
So FF climbed onto the bus and sat next to Nicky who had declared himself FF’s bodyguard for the evening who’s safety he would only pass off to Coach Wymack during the game proper.
***
They’ve come so damn far from the worst team in the Division. His kids are thriving and because of that he’s gotten a larger budget. A larger budget to better help his kids with. David would be lying if he said he didn’t spend some nights wishing he could tell himself of a few years ago just how good it would get.
Still, the match is a lot closer than it should be.
He looks to his side and sees FF sitting there watching the game with rapt attention.
He looks as Sheena fumbles a pass that his newest problem child had mastered the timing of a month before. He sees Kevin’s shoulders go up in anger but Neil’s quick reflexes save it before the play is fully fumbled.
Neil makes a feint to pass to Kevin and the goal lights up putting them in the lead by 2 goals. David thinks of the numerous plays that would have gone smoother with the kid next to him playing instead of Sheena but there was no point in wishing for things that couldn’t be.
FF wouldn’t be playing until the Spring Championships started up and David would need to address FF’s medical hiatus and Lisa’s ‘family emergency’ that had her leaving the team.
It always stung when a Fox left but it hurt less when it was of their own volition instead of in a body bag.
He looks to the side again and thinks of the numerous decisions he had needed to make as Kevin slept in the car on the way to the hospital. Honestly, if he still was thinking about going after the hospital.
How the fuck did the hospital just leave the damn kid in a hallway for over an hour? He hates the thought of FF laying there in pain and bleeding watching as people went by.
He’s grateful that the kid didn’t seem to remember it.
He wasn’t going to mention it to any of the other Foxes, not even FF if he could swing it. He has no doubt that at the very least Andrew and Neil would go on a rampage and he’s near positive that Kevin would take special delight in it considering a week on he was still bitching about what he had seen in the Nutritionist office.
He’s not sure what Nicky would do but he knows it’d give him a headache.
Nicky takes a hard hit that has him subbed out for one of the freshman backliners. Nicky’s a little woozy and Abby confirms a very slight concussion that she’ll keep an eye on during the trip back.
They win by slimmer margins than they should but it’s to be expected.
“Coach Wymack?” FF asks.
“What’s up?” David asks.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom. It...uh...well it takes a while now.” FF says and David can read the embarrassment.
“Meet us at the bus. Be careful.” he orders.
FF nods and heads off.
Neil and Matt are on press duty and David preps the press to let them know about FF and Lisa. There are some questions about what kind of medical hiatus but David declined to answer knowing that Neil and Matt wouldn’t let it slip either.
His last two players get showered and on the bus.
He does a count and gets the correct number and starts the bus.
They’re just about to get on the highway when there’s a shout, “Wait! Where’s Smithy?!” Nicky exclaims full volume over the general conversation that had been going on throughout the bus.
David frowns, he had counted-
Abby. He had counted Abby’s head next to Nicky.
“Oh god dammit.” he says.
***
FF looked at where the bus should have been waiting for him.
He closes his eyes and hopes that the bus will appear between blinks.
He opens his eyes again and finds...nope just fans milling about heading to their own cars and home. He gives a hopeful look across the parking lot wondering if the bus maybe just got moved back somewhere so that they could get out easier after he went and made them wait?
A lot of people. Some kids. Some disappointed Belmonte fans. Some excited Fox fans. Some general Exy fanatics who were discussing what the Belmonte team would need to do to stay in for the Spring Championships.
No Palmetto State Fox team bus.
He swallows a bit of disappointment and moves past it.
He pulled up his phone to plug in Abby’s house and saw that it would be a 4 day hike from Belmonte. He looked down at his shoes contemplating if they’d make the over 300 miles of walking. The doctors and Abby had been very clear not to do too much exercise but surely it wouldn’t count since he was just going to walk? They said walking was fine right?
FF sighed at the thought.
Yeah, it wasn’t going to work.
His stomach hurts at the thought of a 5 hour car ride. Maybe there was a bus station nearby and he could make his way back via greyhound.
He was looking at his phone again when it started to ring and Nicky’s face was on his screen to let him know who the caller was.
He hit the answer button, “Hello-“
There was an inhale and FF had been on the receiving end of this quite a few times at this point so he held his phone the entire length of his arm away from his ear, “SMITHY, ARE YOU ON THE BUS OR DID WE FORGET YOU?!” Nicky screeches and it hurts his ears even from an entire arms length away. He wonders how in the world Nicky can stand being that loud with his minor concussion.
He stares at his phone dubiously for a few moments, worried that Nicky may shout again.
“Smithy?! Smithy?” He hears Nicky’s not quite as loud but very concerned voice. FF decides to bite the bullet.
“Hello Nicky, I am not on the bus.” He says.
“We fucking LEFT SMITHY!” Nicky yells and FF can hear a collective groan from across the line.
He may even hear Coach Wymack yelling something about ‘again’ and feels shame burn in his stomach. He should have just held in his pee. He hadn’t really needed to go that badly and it’s not like Coach Wymack doesn’t take bathroom breaks.
“It’s okay.” He rushes to assure Nicky. “I can…grab a bus or something. You don’t need to come back, I’m-“
“Young man, if you say that you’re fine I can not be held responsible for what I will do when I see you in the next 20 minutes.” Nicky threatens. “I also can’t be held responsible for what I’ll do to Neil since I feel like he’s infected you somehow.” He says.
He hears a distant “Hey” followed by an even more distant “Man, I hate to say it but I think he’s right.”
“I don’t want to bother you.” He says.
“Smithy, you are so far from a bother it is insane. How about I stay on the line with you okay?” Nicky asks but something has caught his eye.
Two kids haven’t moved as the rest of the world continued to. He watched as they clung to one another and no one seemed to take notice of them. He doesn’t understand how anyone could miss them with the bright orange children’s jerseys they had on. One sporting 01 - Josten and the other 10 - Josten on the backs.
“That’s okay Nicky. Call me when you’re close.” He says and makes his way over.
He can see the little boy’s hand holding the little girl’s hand tightly and is careful to walk around them in a way so that he wouldn’t appear out of nowhere. “Hey,” he squatted down to their height and the little boy still jumped slightly, dropping a small book to the ground, and the little girl hid her face in his shoulder. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just noticed you looked a little lost.” He says and his muscles won’t pull in a way to offer a reassuring smile but he hopes he can convey it through his tone.
The little boy visibly swallows down nervous spit, “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.” He says holding on tighter to the little girl.
“Smart, continue to do that.” He says immediately, “Can you just nod yes or no for me?” He asks instead.
The boy thinks for a long moment before nodding affirmatively.
“Great, good job.” He says, “Did you come to the stadium with your parents?” He asks
A nod in the affirmative.
“Do your parents know where you are?” He asks.
He shakes his head in a negative.
“Are you lost?” He asks.
Another negative.
“So you mean to be right here?” He wants to clarify.
A nod in the affirmative this time.
FF takes a moment to piece together what he knows and looks down at the book.
An autograph book. “Oh, you wanted to get an autograph from Captain Neil?” he asks.
The little boy looks up but it’s the little girl who answers. She finally takes her face out from his shoulder. FF’s eyes can’t help but see the large burn scar on her cheek but also see how her eyes sparkle with delight, “You know Captain Josten?!” she exclaims in delight.
“Millie!” The young boy says. “He’s a stranger!” he hisses.
“Nu-uh!” she shakes her head, “Number 13!” she points at his jersey he had worn in solidarity. “He passes to Captain Josten!” she says brightly. “See Brandon?” she smiles.
It could just be a fan jersey though FF highly doubts that anyone would buy fan merch for him. He is no Kevin Day, Captain Neil Josten, or Andrew Minyard.
Still the little boy, Brandon, looks at him with wide eyes, “You’re Smith?” he asks.
“Yeah.” FF nods, “Captain Neil is my Captain.” he says.
“I love Captain Josten! I wanna marry him!” Millie says and FF can’t help but wonder if Andrew would squash such adorable competition. “His face is like mine!” she giggles.
“Yeah, your face is as cool as Captain Neil’s is.” FF agrees with completely sincerity.
“We came out here to get Captain Josten’s signature” Brandon says with a pout, “All the adults were in the way and it was...kind of scary.” he admits with a flush.
A thought occurs to him. He doesn’t want to leave these kids and brave the crowds to find someone to announce the lost kids. It would only be about 12 more minutes before the bus comes. Coach Wymack would be able to help and...
“They’re coming to pick me up pretty soon. How about we stay right here and we can get Captain Neil’s autograph together?” he asks.
Both kids light up at the idea. “Really?” they both ask.
“Yeah, I also want Captain Neil’s autograph.” he says because he does. He’s wanted Captain Neil’s autograph for AGES but had been too awkward to ask. Then Greg had come and made it seem like FF would want it just to sell it or something.
Now he has the perfect excuse.
***
David pulled into the spot he had left almost half an hour ago and barely managed to put the bus into park before most of his more senior players were prying the door open to go look for FF.
Nicky had called but FF hadn’t picked up and it had set his more paranoid players’ teeth on edge.
The only one that stayed on the bus was Nicky since Abby had a firm grip on him.
David sighed and told everyone else to stay put before exiting the bus and began the herculean effort of trying to spot FF in a crowd.
It actually wasn’t too hard as he found his players standing and watching as FF crouched with his back to them as two little kids in orange Fox jerseys were re-enacting something for him.
He’d be tempted to let them keep going if he didn’t remember Abby’s list of specific things FF shouldn’t do with his still healing stomach and squatting like that was definitely on the list.
“Smith.” he says and watches as the Freshman jolts and tips over, thankfully onto his side, from his squatted position.
The kids get nervous when they see him but then their eyes both lock on Neil’s face. For a moment his heart aches for his player, plenty of kids have cried about Neil’s scars but then his eyes land on the little girl’s face more properly and...
Oh...
Those are stars in her eyes. David looks at the two different Josten kids jerseys that the Palmetto store had released.
FF recovers from his tumble admirably, “Coach Wymack,” he says getting up onto his feet. “These two are lost, can you see if there’s a way to contact their parents?” he asks.
David nods and pulls out his phone and steps away slightly.
He watches over the interaction that happens next.
**
As promised, FF had taken the awkward lead of asking for it and had them form a line. It had been weird but he watched as understanding dawned in Captain Neil’s eyes as he saw the two Josten jerseys. It had felt even less weird to get Captain Neil’s autograph when Matt had jokingly gotten in line behind Brandon because he too wanted Captain Neil’s autograph.
FF felt a little bad that Captain Neil had been so flustered by the requests but at least he finally had the Captain Neil autograph he’d wanted since last March. It also felt nice when Captain Neil had smiled the way he did at Millie when she babbled about how they matched.
Andrew had bumped into him in the way that FF was learning meant that he was pleased with whatever FF had just done. Kevin and Aaron had been the ones to ask if his stitches were okay after his startled tumble.
Millie and Brandon’s parents were incredibly grateful and swore to continue to be lifelong fans of the Foxes. Millie and Brandon themselves had been more excited about their Captain Neil Josten autographs than being reunited with their parents. They had waved goodbye with Millie loudly proclaiming that her and Captain Neil would get married someday.
Climbing onto the bus he was subjected to a check over by Abby when both Kevin and Aaron dragged him to her. Then he was sat down next to Nicky who shoved him into the window seat and cuddled up. “I won’t lose track of you if I’m on you.” was his logic.
The bus ride resumed.
“I didn’t know you liked kids.” Nicky says head on FF’s shoulder. “I’ve watched you go to the other side of the street to avoid middle school kids.” he adds.
FF feels ice in his stomach.
“Middle school kids are mean.” FF says and doesn’t properly answer the question but Nicky is just concussed enough to not call him on it.
MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU
NEXT
Like I said in my last part I will be tagging people separate from the actual update going forward. Still any requests to be added to the tag list feel free to put in the replies here.
#Fluent Freshman AU#Nicky was getting ready to call any and all local dairy farmers#to start the 'have you seen me?' campaign#Nicky was also trying to figure out how to tell Aras that he lost her entire grandson#He may have been freaking out in the bus with Abby#'I'm gonna lose GRANDSON PRIVILEGES ALL OVER AGAIN#Thankfully FF wasn't far and now Nicky knows to just truly superglue himself to FF. Buddy system for life#Yeah so you may have caught it in the previous bit#part 27#Andrew and Neil's concern about FF getting forgotten in a hallway did actually happen#and FF passed out there#Only Wymack's call for an update galvanized them to find him and start helping him#The Foxes get back and GS has a bunch of Tupperwear#full of delicious food for them since it's so late#Nicky and Matt are halfway through getting her a custom 'Foxy Grandma' Jersey#She's discovered quite a bit more knitting to be done for FF's friends#That sweet boy Matt deserves a knitted present too#Maybe even that brash young man Jack should get in on the GS knitted presents train#Well now it's out there in the world that FF is on a medical Hiatus#I'm sure nothing will happen#this is a lie I know the chain of events that are to follow#AFTG#AFTG AU#AFTG OC#Andreil#FF - Part 32
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hypothetically if i were to sell prints what would u like to see in the store
#i have my personal favorites but i should also include crowd favorites u know#u can also suggest older ones!! although i might redo them to update the style#unless you don't want me to#also i've been considering selling traditional pieces too so thoughts on that also?#idk
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tomorrow is gonna be such a weird day i am not looking forward to it at all
#update on the work thing#my manager got all desperate ex on me and called me two times#then sent me a message saying i should call her back#and then called another time#and then messaged me again#as if.. she thinks i'm not going to come in tmrw???????????#lmao i need to give you your stuff back i think it's pretty fucking obvious i'll come in tomorrow i just gave you a fucking notice so#you'd be ready for it tomorrow#it's such a shitshow#i did not reply back to her#idc how bad of me that is but . this is my off day#we will see each other tomorrow we can talk about the details tomorrow#you do not need to call me at 5pm on a fucking sunday#😒😒😒😒😒😒#she is very fucking weird#maybe she has trauma with employees that just won't show their faces again or smth idk#well . i will#bc that's.. how it goes??????#IT'S JUST SO ODDDDDD HER CALLING ME SO MUCH WAS WEIRDDD PLEASE GET A GRIP MA'AM IT'S FINEEEEEEEEEE#anyway yeah it's gonna be weird tmrw it's gonna be awkward#but perhaps tmrw will be my last day lmao#either that or the day after#i won't offer it i'll see what she'll say#bc i mean she expects me to quit like NOW anyway lmao#whatever whatever#i don't wanna go back thereeeeeeee i have had enoughhhhhh#plus..#i know she probably blabbered abt this to the others too yk#so everybody knows abt the situation and they all think i'm just being a dick lol#mayor of loserville
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A list of all the interactive fiction WIPs I loved/unreleased WIPs I'm hyped for so I could keep track of them:
Released Demos:
Apartment 502 (Dashington) by @/apt502-if
Our Life: Now and Forever (Steam, itch.io) by @/gb-patch
Infamous (Dashington) by @/infamous-if
Chop Shop (Twine) by @/losergames
Eyes of Shan (Dashington) by @/eyesofshan-if
Checkmate in 3 Moves (Dashington) by @/checkmatein3moves
Honor Amongst Thieves (Dashington) by @/leoneliterary
Court of the Guilded Roses (Dashington) by @/crazerk
Summer of Love (Twine) by @/summeroflove-if
Body Count (Twine) by @/bodycountgame
Seven Days in Purgatory (Dashington) by @/sevendaysinpurgatory-if
The Night Market Book 2 (Twine) by @/night-market-if
Gods and Villains (Dashington) by @/godsandvillains-if
Vendetta (Dashington) by @/vendetta-if
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - An affair of the heart (Dashington) by @/doriana-gray-games
Fields of Asphodel (Steam) by @/chrysanthemumgames
Breach: Chicago War Zone (Dashington) by @/breachverse
SLAUGHTER SQUAD (Twine) by @/harlequinoccult
The Haunting Shadows (Twine) by @/thehauntingshadows-if
Drink Your Villain Juice (Dashington) by @/drinkyourvillainjuice
Press Play (Dashington) by @/pressplay-if (@/girlfromthecrypt)
Unreleased Demos:
Stardoomed by @/stardoomed-if
Riptide by @/riptide-if
Death Looks Good On You by @/deathlooksgoodonyou-if
Zombie Kombi by @/zombiekombi-if
The Muse by @/themuse-if
Alistar: Ascendance by @/alistarascendance
Elysium Circus by @/elysiumcircusif
#the list gets constantly updated because i have too much free time!!#if recs#📔.if#if recommendations#HOW COULD I FORGET ABOUT FIELDS OF ASPHODEL!!!#i unknowingly started playing the demo the day before it got removed (genuinely didn't know that it's going to get a release!!)#i still haven't recovered#CURSE YOU MY WEAKNESS FOR THE FOUND FAMILY TROUPE#contemplated whether i should start following the progress of wayhaven's book 4#gotta re-read the series again for that#also really hyped for the fallen hero: revelations but i got confused with the whole paths thing#so i'd rather wait for the whole release#autocorrect keeps replacing 'slaughter' with 'slaughterhouse'#no wonder i can't find slsq through google 💀
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I like to call this the "it was supposed to have been one thing and now it's something entirely different"
some ringo alts I wanted to draw at some point! I turned it into some style experiments about halfway through oops (forbidden ringo from a soul rended, a soul mended by @nenilein bc I couldn't stop thinking about her LOL)
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ringo | arle | amitie | ally | rulue | maguro | lidelle | ?
#puyo puyo#ringo ando#(i hope you dont mind the tag neni!! or the linking of your fic too actually.. if youd rather i not just gimme the word!)#(i just think everybody should read it. god knows i did when i was supposed to have been doing work )#anyway i did these instead of doing my math... ringo would be so disappointed#update: now with link(s)! i figure if im making this a series im keeping it consistent and grouped in like terms(save me from math)#my stuff
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wanting comments when i post fic is the bane of my existence
#ignore me im just venting cause i need it vent#the ballad got very few comments and now im waiting on UR to get any#so im just 😬#keep tellin myself it’s fine if no one comments cause i write for myself#and its *definitely* not a measure of my writing skills#but it does suck#you put so much effort and time and energy and love into something#but i kno a lot of ppl just flat out don’t like me in fandom so even if they do read my shit they not gonna tell me about it#and im aware too that im terrible at reading other fics and have been for years#not that i think it should be a tit for tat to begin with but i know thats probably part of it too#and i also know im a slow writer so when it takes me 5 years to update i lose a lotta readers#there’s ppl who still active in the fandom who’s usernames i know who interact with my blog but stopped reading my fics#and i can only assume it’s cause i suck at updating#🫠🫠🫠#also i am very much aware ao3 is/was down so im not like saying this exclusively or even rlly about UR just a general feeling and a general#frustration with myself for wanting comments
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ARIIIII HI HELLO HEY !!! i got a bit busy (i hate assessments) but I'm back and I will soon read all the things I added to my tbr that you posted !! soooo excited hehe :3 I wanted to ask how you guys are playing phanpara.... i also want to see all the fun stuff and play.. ☹☹ manifesting the banners for you so you get them easily <333 - ❄ anon
❄️ ANON MY LOVE !! welcome back!!!! :3 i hope your assessments went well…. i’m proud of you for working hard 🫂🫂🫂 AND PLS don’t feel any pressure w the tbr, my fics will always be here when you have the time !!! <3333
BUT YES . phanpara ….. i’m not gonna lie to you anon getting it downloaded on ios was a whole trial of will but 😭😭 it’s actually. fairly simple. it’s easier on android (you just need to download a bunch of apps to emulate it!!) but on ios you need to manually change your appstore region to japan. and then download a vpn app. the biggest downside w ios is that there aren’t really any good translator apps!! :(( on android you can get bubble translate which lets you translate on screen text really easily…. but you won’t get anything like that on ios. so you won’t understand what the characters are saying (unless you take screenshots and throw them into an image translator)….
buuut if you’re still fine with that!! (assuming you have ios and not android)…. then i’ll leave the instructions down below :33 i’ll try to make them as clear as possible but just ask if you have any more questions!! i’d love to help!!! phanpara is sm fun…
ok so . here are all the steps !!
1) make a new appstore account!!
this step is easy :3 … i don’t. remember how i did it tho. pretty sure you just go to the appstore browser page?? or something.., and then you obv just need to add a name and a functional email address!
when you’ve made a new account, make sure that your ios is logged into it . just go to settings -> click your profile -> click on the appstore icon -> log out from your usual account and log in on the new one!! then you just need to press ”show account” to go to the next step.
2) change your region to japan!!
this is the complicated step. it’s not really that complicated though it just took me a while to figure it out 😭😭 you can use this site for reference if my descriptions confuse you lol
when you try to change your region to japan, you’ll be forced to add your name and your address. you can use your normal name (assuming it’s made up of english letters), but you’ll need to generate a jp address!! it’s actually kinda easy. this is the website i used!! it lists all the information you need in the correct order, so just . copy and paste into the settings . (i believe you’ll need to choose the prefecture manually, so just look at the prefecture name on the website and match it with the options ios gives you!!) street name, prefecture, city, zip code, phone number… etcetc. this may or may not be an illegal process but if you’re a gacha enjoyer i’m assuming you like living life on the edge.
you’ll also get the option to add a payment method, but you should be able to skip it by choosing the option at the bottom. this is important because otherwise it won’t let you change your region (unless you happen to have a japanese credit card hanging around)….
when you’ve entered all the necessary information, click the blue text in the top right corner to move on!! if you’ve done everything correctly you should be taken to the jp appstore :3
3) download phanpara + ovpnspider!!
now you’re almost done!!! downloading phanpara should be easy, just search for it in the appstore and. well. download it. when i did this i had to click through some ios popup page..??? but just . click your way through it. trial and error. until it lets you download the app <33
while phanpara is loading, download ovpnspider!! this one is super easy and doesn’t take up much space at all. when it’s finished downloading, just go into the app, go to the ”jp” folder and connect to one of the vpns!! the status has to be ”alive”, but any of them should work :3
4) play phanpara !!
now you should be good to go <33 the only issue is that the vpn can be a little difficult sometimes. phanpara might take a bit to load, and throw you out if the vpn disconnects, but as long as you just exit the app and change the vpn there shouldn’t be any issues. could be a little bothersome sometimes but you get used to it quickly!! just make sure that you’re connected to a vpn, enter phanpara, and play :33 for me it takes up roughly 5gbs of space, so make sure your phone can handle it!!
aaaaand that’s it <333 i’m sorry if this is just. gibberish 😭😭 or if i’m making it sound more complicated than it is …. and pls let me know if it works for you!!! i’d love to be friends in game if you make an account :33 then you’ll be able to use my gojo in battle … hehehe ……..
#wishing you luck anon!!!!! and pls dont be afraid to ask if a step isnt working for you!!!!#it took me some time but . it wasnt anything too troublesome :33#using this method you should also be able to access a Lot of japanese apps <333#OH AND . i forgot to say!!! but after you’ve successfully downloaded phanpara and the vpn you can switch back to your usual appstore!!#it wont delete the app or anything!! so youre good to go :3 although . if the app needs to update then you’ll need the jp account.#but hopefully switching between your usual appstore account and your jp account will make the process smooth!!!#pls let me know how it goes <3333 AND TYSM FOR YOUR KIND WISHES SOBS…. i hope i get sugu…….. :’3#ask tag ✩#❄️ anon !! ✩
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*touches screen dramatically* v5 is almost here...
#Im a faker i havent caught up on the post game story at ALL i just know we all eat shit and die and some stuff happens in between there /hj#anyways i was gonna go to sleep then i saw that axez was literally updating the v5 section on the site as i was closing out discord so now#I have the zoomies or something#rahhhhhhhh i need to catch up on the story#I dont know if i have the energy right now with school and work to replay the whole game Again esp untranslated but i know enough to watch#someone else play it prabably#sig blinks now btw at least in the first two cutscenes which is mindblowing news /silly#axez animate my scenes too right meow /silly#the real answer is i need to get not scared enough to talk in the big m04 server but that's... perhaps i shant...#I just lurk like a little bug. a little bachi buggg. anyways#mutuals you should totally add me on discord i stole our hosts account we can be silly about numa game together /nf#status noir#🕶️ posting
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cant believe that after driving the car, riding the train, booking a hotel room, having a nightmare, visiting the father in law, visiting a hospital, making a friend, and escaping an assassin, the incomprehensible Horrors™ are back at it again and harder to bear than ever 🐻
#fandom related#malevolent#i feel just like arthur that after having some Normal Time and time w friends and family the Horrors are even more horrifying than before#also How is this man driving. w zero eyes and one arm and one leg. i imagine John is like#slow down arthur! hit the gas arthur! while steering. and arthur is shifting the gear. except that john has no experience in driving#so it would be like someone during their first ever driving lesson. creeping along slowly. being way too slow or way too fast for a given#situation. cops would stop them bc arthur isn't even looking at the road. he is bumping into so many other cars or the curb.#parking like shit. does john even know what the road signs mean 😭 and oscar got into the car w him#maybe he was too busy reading that book to notice. or too enchanted by arthu#*Arthur#if arthur had a white cane he would constantly lose it while falling down holes or trip over it running from the horrors#i think it's been mentioned only 3 times that he can't see. to those cops on the lake to daniel and the butcher has mentioned it#honestly king shit running around blind and w only one arm and leg w the voice of an ancient god in his voice. also they are fucking driving#*in his head#why can't you edit tags on mobile!!? or do i have to update tumbler for that#anyway ever since starting malevolent ive been realizing i should be more grateful for my eyesight. my eyesight is already bad and i need to#wear glasses 24/7. also i have a diagnosis that has a kinda probability of making me blind once im old or smth#i mean eyesight decreases for everyone as they get older right. but yeah. and i v likely won't have the voice of an older god in my head to#help me see. so gotta be grateful now#i should go to bed it's almost midnight but i have to listen to the next episode i need to know what's going on and what will happen 😭#still hoping nothing further will happen to oscar and that he and arthur will stay friends. if you're reading this and you know this won't#be the case. nnnnggh :')
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"Hot Prince Summer is what? ...It was never cancelled, what're you talking about?"
A special summer themed drawing of Dajo to commemorate my return to work on dimension dyfenders!!
since august is the final month of summer i thought i'd make this because i missed out making more summer stuff for d.d, and i truly apologize for that!!
(also btw, i'll go on an mild hiatus in september until june 2025 not just to work on d.d, but also because I want to finish art school to get a diploma & that i'm going to go on vacation to stay off the internet for a while. But don't worry i'll be online when school isn't here. Holidays are extremely possible. Hope you understand!!)
#dimension dyfenders#TOO EXCITED YOU GUYS. TOO EXCITED#i dont really know where to begin. But maybe... i should get started with some strips and mini-comics that aren't related to the miniseries#also sorry for the lack of art!!!! im too tired..#BUT YEAH D.D IS BACK AND ROLLING BABY!!!!#but also i could start off with other things... maybe chibis? other art pieces? idk.#digital art#summer#artists on tumblr#prince dajo-voo#ocs#oc#indie project#my art#artwork#Dajo-Voo#Dimension Dyfenders updates#Dimension Dyfenders art#oc art
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interest checker ( updated )
not at all required!! buuut it will help me understand you and what you're comfortable with!
#' you should know this too ' | updates#\\ i will also absolutely be adding people who give me their discords#\\ i am way more talkative through there mostly because tumblr ims hate me??? and i am only really on my laptop 3-4 nights a week
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