#《逆流而上》
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hello. no one asked for this but the purpose of this blog is so I can turn my brain upside down, shake it vigorously, and dump out all of my thoughts such that each day I may come closer to my greatest life aspiration (being a himbo) SO. it is now time for me to do a far deeper dive on the production and fight choreography of the 《逆流而上》 performance from season 4 of 《披荆斩棘的哥哥》 / Call Me By Fire than anyone really cares for
still with me? have a drink close by? all right (holds out hand) let's get egregiously deep in the weeds together
BACKGROUND / CONTEXT
《逆流而上》 (something like "Upstream" or "Against the Tide") is all of a four-minute performance by 石凯 Shi Kai, 井胧 Jing Long, and 阿如那 Aruna. combining singing, acting, and some legitimately very good stage combat, the performance presents the narrative of a plucky young upstart gangster (Jing Long), who steals something he probably shouldn't have from a seasoned mob boss (Aruna), and in doing so pulls his friend and maybe gang leader (Shi Kai) into the battle
(where are you getting this plot summary, hunxi? from my brain. unfortunately. because I've watched this performance several dozen times. that is not an exaggeration. this is however simply my interpretation of the performance so Costco container of garlic salt etc etc)
BLOW-BY-BLOW (hah)
aka hold my hand, I am going to walk you through the entire performance
but it's only four minutes! you protest
did I stutter? are you still holding my hand? is now the time to warn you that this post is over five thousand words? well let's get moving then
0:11 - 0:40 Opening
here we are, setting the scene:
jing long's character returns from the street (hear the sirens and street traffic) to their warehouse hideout, carrying a mysterious duffel bag presumably crammed full of whatever he stole from aruna (likely cash, given the lightness of the bag)
glancing over his shoulder, he checks that no one is following him before throwing the bag to his back and skipping his way into the warehouse. he scans (a badge? some other form of RFID?) his way into the front door, swings from an overhead pipe, and slides down the fireman pole to make his entrance onto the stage proper
shi kai's character is established with his feet on the desk, watching security footage and toying with something in his hand (we hear a burst of static and the bleep of a walkie-talkie)
so already! we have learned the following:
jing long reads very much as a cocky young upstart, everyone's little brother who's too hot(headed) and too cocky for his own good
shi kai reads as slightly older, more responsible, more cautious. though he slouches leisurely in his swivel chair, he is still keeping a wary eye on the security footage around the warehouse
in addition, I would like to express my respect and admiration for the costume designers of this piece — note that all of the performers involved in fight choreography (named actors and stuntspeople alike) are dressed in long sleeves, long pants, and sensibly closed-toed shoes. given the physicality of the performance, you'd definitely want clothing that can protect easily-skinned areas like elbows and knees. also, longer (and looser) sleeves and pants can handily hide other padding if needed (e.g. elbow or knee pads, or just extra layers of clothing)
shi kai is dressed in a baggy brown coat over a relatively high-necked black shirt, as well as baggy pants and black leather gloves. the looseness of his outfit leaves much more room for potential padding underneath, which makes sense as the "bruiser" of the two with much more fight choreography. I would dock points for the silly little bandana (what are you wearing that for, your opponent to strangle you with?) but it's a fun accent piece so we'll let it slide on style
jing long is dressed more "stylishly" or roguishly, with a white tank top under a leather jacket that is pushed up to almost his elbows. he also wears full leather gloves, but with holes around the knuckles; so, clearly not a bruiser or someone who punches things with regularity. while the leather jacket is good for protection, it offers much less padding than shi kai's coat. this then comes back to bite jing long, who gets flung to the ground later by aruna and takes a solid moment to recover
0:41 - 1:20 Establishing the Jing Long - Shi Kai Character Relationship
in this sequence, we begin the singing (something that I personally find deeply hilarious is how the lyrics have almost nothing to do with anything that's happening onstage. we could unpack this for a while but for now I get a good laugh out of it), but more importantly, we get into the acting:
as jing long walks across stage toward shi kai, high five-ing shi kai on the way over and spinning him around in his swivel chair, jing long does so with a swagger, evidently proud of his heist
shi kai appears to be more skeptical; as jing long sits on his desk and unzips the bag to show him the spoils, shi kai instead raises his eyebrows and gestures at the security footage, as if to ask "well, were you followed?"
jing long's character rolls his eyes and crosses the stage to the couch, where he flops and sulks about shi kai not being appropriately impressed
shi kai gets up and follows him, and though the lyrics rapped here have nothing to do with the plot beyond general vibe, the moment reads very much like shi kai lecturing jing long about the need for caution and discretion. fascinating moment where shi kai's character is clearly saying something but the words coming out of his mouth are not what he's saying diegetically (except maybe "back off")
jing long is evidently fed up with shi kai's nagging, until they both hear footsteps in the scaffolding overhead — someone has followed jing long back to their hideout
I do love the detail of jing long looking up, directing our gazes to the mooks running through the catwalks. jing long gets up to go deal with them — again, hotheaded youngster — but shi kai pushes him back onto the couch with a pointed look which very much reads as "older brother once again cleaning up after younger brother's impulsive decision"
now that we've done all the set up! let's get punchin'
1:21 - 2:04 Fight Sequence 1 (Catwalk Fight)
in which jing long gets to sit on a couch and do vocal acrobatics while shi kai cleans up his mess
the degree to which this set is almost completely OSHA certified but also Strategically Not OSHA Certified in certain places brings me so much joy and anger, but it's nothing worse than what the original Next to Normal set on Broadway pulled, so I will put my hard hat down
shi kai climbs up the stairs to the upper level of the warehouse, where a bunch of convenient mooks/stuntpeople await him to be mowed down one by one. this sequence is very much reminiscent of platform fighting games
A NOT-SO-BRIEF ASIDE ABOUT STAGE COMBAT: one of the reasons why I absolutely love stage combat is because, done right, it is the biggest inside joke you can pull off in front of a live audience. the audience is convinced that these two characters are Legitimately Trying to Hurt Each Other, but the performers are secretly in on the joke — they are executing a perfectly and exquisitely choreographed movement sequence in which they hoodwink the audience together. for a medium that is premised on hoodwinking the audience together, stage combat is extra fun because the hoodwinking is dialed up to eleven. it's not just convincing the audience of the immediacy and urgency of a fictional world, it's also convincing the audience that you hate each other's guts when secretly you're trying not to break out into a huge grin (or maybe other people are better at staying in character, I was never cut out for acting). it's ALSO making the audience think that serious injury and damage has occurred, when in reality nothing of the kind has happened. it's the wordless trust and synchronicity that your scene partner will be exactly where you both agreed they will be, just as you will do exactly what you promised to do
in stage combat, none of the blows actually hit with the level of force they appear to — this is incredibly important in live theater, which is performed night after night for days to weeks to months in a row. the fight choreography must be sustainable. that means no performer can be a hero and say "oh you can hit me for real, I can take it" because the body reacts instinctively and if you know physical contact is coming, it doesn't matter how good of an actor you are, at some point you will not be able to suppress the flinch. also, you have to be onstage doing this again tomorrow, or even tonight, and if it's a blow that will injure or bruise, you can't keep taking damage in the same spot repeatedly and expect to make it through the run
which is to say — stage combat should be safe. it should appear to be violent, feral, unhinged, vicious, whatever the scene needs, but it has to be safe and sustainable. what that also means is that the ferocity of the attack, the damage of the blow, the lethality of the strike depends less on the attacking performer's "strength" and wholly on the "victim" selling the force of the hit. cradling your face after a slap (conveniently hiding that your cheek is not even reddening because there was no contact made). doubling over after a "blow" to the solar plexus to sell that gut-punch. depending on your genre, maybe even doing a gratuitous backflip off a platform if you've been "sent flying." half of stage combat is camp (the other half is knapping)
so! shi kai mows his way through a series of stunt performers, who are really doing the lion's share of convincing the audience that his character is a competent brawler. no shade to shi kai — the man is also singing through much of this sequence
most notably, shi kai is singing as he delivers that flying kick at 1:49. the audio cuts a bit strangely here, which allows you to hear the strain in his voice as he jumps into half of a pull-up and kicks a stuntperson in the chest
if you've gotten way too deep in all the extra behind-the-scenes material for this performance, you'll know that this was a sequence that shi kai really struggled with because the director kept asking him to kick the guy with more force and shi kai felt guilty hitting the stuntperson every time. it wasn't until the stuntperson confirmed that he was wearing chest padding that shi kai finally relaxed and felt like he could put more force into it
most of the choreography has the combatants coming at each other with a big ol' overhand haymaker/icepick attacks (whether with a steel pipe or a closed fist). this is a classic stage combat move, partially because it looks Big and Scary and Impressive, partially because it's extremely impractical in an actual fight: it's slow, utilizes an excessive amount of wind-up, and leaves a huge opening where a fast attacker can dart in for the advantage while your arm is still in the overhead swing, which is what shi kai does with the first stuntperson
I am fairly confident that they are adding additional sound effects for punching, hitting the ground, and later, jing long strangling aruna — partially because I don't think we'd actually be able to pick up those sounds in the general noise of a live performance, but also primarily because they sound, um. somewhat canned
give it up for the professional stuntpeople who are really selling this performance, and also because of how extra they are across the board in "being defeated." I'm specifically calling out the second guy at 1:36 for his little foot twirl when shi kai gives him that head smack, and the last guy at 2:01 for bouncing off the edge of the platform where there is deliberately No OSHA Protective Railing. like my guy you could've just somersaulted onto the mat that's presumably discreetly laid out below, the bounce was completely gratuitous
speaking of moments where you can spot the "seams" of the fight choreography: watch this enough times and you can see how the stuntperson doubles over and waits for shi kai to knock him off the platform from 1:59 - 2:01; the slight pause there is partially hidden by the rapid cuts, but if you watch the stuntperson you can see him holding the position in preparation to be kicked off the platform
2:05 - 2:50 "ARUNA!!!!!!!!!"
time check: we are now two minutes. into a four minute performance. and only now does aruna, our third character, show up, and what an entrance it is. in the performance cut that aired, the editors briefly flash to the greenroom, where the other contestants of the show, watching the performance live, erupt in cheers for aruna's arrival. shouts of "he's coming, he's here!" and "ARUNA!!!!!!!!!" briefly interrupt the performance's audio as the other contestants clap, yell, and rise from their seats in primal enthusiasm. one gets the sense that aruna is not only a fan favorite contestant, but also a cast favorite as well
it is exceedingly difficult to get screenshots of the fight choreography since it all blurs. you will simply have to trust me and watch it
aruna's entrance + first lines are maybe the closest the lyrics actually come to making diegetic sense hhh
aruna's character rolls up with an entire crew, only to wave them off, presumably because he thinks he can take care of these upstarts on his own. to be fair, he's not completely wrong about that
I love the way they did the first moment of eye contact between aruna and jing long; aruna, high up on the catwalk, looking down at jing long on the warehouse floor with a nonzero amount of scorn. jing long, in contrast with his earlier insouciance and general slouchiness on the couch, now sits up, slightly hunched over, with what looks like fear in his eyes. as it turns out, he didn't pull off his heist as cleanly as he thought he had, and now the consequences are coming (literally) to beat his ass (literally)
they also take time to establish the location of shi kai's character, high up on a catwalk on the other side of the stage. this raises the possibility that the earlier mooks he dispatched in Fight Sequence 1 were simply a distraction aruna sent ahead; more importantly, it means that jing long will have to fend for himself against aruna until shi kai gets there
but not to worry! jing long and shi kai's side ALSO has disposable mooks (very hardworking stuntpeople). note that these stuntpeople (unlike the, uh, assorted 小鲜肉 in the background who wear tank tops) are dressed with sensible coverage
aruna one-ups shi kai's initial fight sequence by taking on three people simultaneously, more or less in a melee (they do attack him very politely in sequence. this is choreography after all). the first person he dispatches with a spinning kick, which is tremendously impractical in real life (slow! difficult to aim! not actually more forceful!) but looks cool in choreography
the second person comes at aruna with an openhanded haymaker, which makes it tremendously convenient for aruna to get inside that stuntperson's range, twist him around to feign a joint lock, and use him as both shield and leverage to kick the other two guys (the joint lock is feigned because it's real easy to get injured in a real joint lock. later, the two of them also untwist the "joint lock" to get better and safer leverage on the shoulder throw)
blink and you'll miss it — when the stuntperson hits and breaks the coffee table behind him at 2:46 - 2:47, you can see him briefly check over his shoulder to make sure he's falling where he wants to. I can only hope that the coffee table was pre-broken for the effect
the shoulder throw at 2:48 looks pretty gnarly, but if you slow it down you can see the stuntperson strike the ground feet-first to absorb the impact before pretending to crumple. that being said, the speed and the force of the impact are probably enough to rattle his bones a little
after summarily dispatching the three stuntpeople, aruna points at the bag by jing long's feet and gestures an unimpressed "give it back"
2:51 - 3:26 Fight Sequence 2, Electric Boogaloo (The Showdown)
you know it's a Big Fight Scene when they take a break from singing to do a pure instrumental + fight choreography interlude. after aruna summarily dispatches three stuntpeople and tells jing long to return what he stole, jing long, true to his character, flings the bag at aruna in a "fine, take it!" and goes in for the attack
aruna dodges easily, and as he goes to the side, he picks up a plank of plywood that he swings at jing long
it passes way over jing long's head, because jing long has planted one hand on the ground to slide by underneath
side note: in the behind-the-scenes material, shi kai was the one practicing a sideways knee slide. considering that 1) no knee slide made it into the final choreography, and 2) jing long is the one doing this close approximation here, that makes me wonder if a) jing long and shi kai at any point switched roles, and b) at what point the set was finalized vs. the fight choreography set, because there isn't enough space in the catwalk fight sequence for shi kai to slide safely or practically
but that's neither here nor there
aruna swings at jing long twice, and jing long ducks out of the way both times. props to jing long for making sure he comes back up between swings before ducking again, because otherwise it would make aruna's character look a bit foolish for repeatedly swinging at empty space
on aruna's third swing with the plank, he shatters it against jing long's left side. I'm hoping the plank was either really thin or pre-broken because that is a hefty cloud of dust
jing long then comes at aruna with — you guessed it — a haymaker, which allows aruna to grab him by the entire forearm and sock him in the stomach. this makes jing long double over, conveniently setting them both up for—
the next stunt these two pull involves partnerwork and coordination; aruna falls backwards, dropping his center of gravity to the floor and pulling jing long forward. he then gives jing long a boost with his foot (ah, my bad. "a kick"), which allows jing long to flip over him in a very showy manner
if this was actual combat, aruna would have probably kept hold of jing long's forearm in order to slam him against the floor. but since this is choreography, aruna lets go of jing long's arm, which allows jing long to catch himself on his hands and turn that into a forward somersault
don't be fooled by how far jing long rolls. after the first roll to dispel momentum from the flip, he's doing the rest of the rolls on his own merit
again, the "ferocity" or "strength" of an attack is sold by the "victim," so by lying on the floor for a bit longer and struggling to get up, jing long is selling aruna's fighting prowess. also, even if this is meticulously planned stage combat, the performers are still absolutely getting their bumps and bruises
shi kai enters — somewhat tardy, but I love this entrance because it's so funny. a plywood (?) siding hits the ground with a cloud of dust, presumably bashed in from the force of the two stuntpeople colliding with it, who then fall to the ground as shi kai struts in. the two stuntpeople roll around on the ground as if shi kai just pummeled them into the wall, but in reality the three of them were probably j chilling, waiting for their cue, before the two stuntpeople jumped at the plywood shoulder-first to knock it down for shi kai's entrance
again, stage combat is a huge inside joke! what looks like shi kai kicking ass and taking names as he comes to his lil bro's rescue is actually just the stunt crew going "nah man leave this to us, we'll make you look cool" and shi kai going "oh ok you guys sure?" and them going "yeah!!" and yeeting themselves at the wall
neither here nor there but I love shi kai sprinting across stage to get to aruna. it really builds up the momentum and intensity of the fight. the fact that he does this while spitting "now call me by fire" is. well. pretty fire
aruna's turn to throw a haymaker! shi kai easily ducks under it for the waist tackle, which 1) helps transfer all of his sprinting momentum to twirl the two of them around, and 2) results in a net zero change in positioning. throughout this whole performance, aruna is consistently positioned on stage right (frame left), and shi kai / jing long are consistently on stage left (frame right), just to make "who's on whose side" a bit easier for the viewer to track
aruna even does a fun little jump/flail to dissipate shi kai's momentum, which I find delightful. throw the didis a bone, aruna, they already can't beat you two-on-one
shi kai does a little jump + snap kick, which aruna easily parries with his hands. choreography!
aruna then goes for shi kai's leg to take him to the floor (what's with this choreography characterization. in less than two minutes aruna has gone to the floor at least three times. let the man rest)
I guess in a real fight it might make sense for aruna to use his greater strength and mass to pin his opponents to the floor, but that requires following through and punching their lights out, which he, uh, does not
shi kai's spinning flip is "assisted" by aruna — the quotation marks is because that maneuver requires anchoring one's weight on the leg that aruna's holding, but because shi kai's doing it with that foot elevated, it's much harder than it would've been if shi kai's foot was just on the ground. trust me on this one. it's all about core strength and leverage
much like how aruna politely let go of jing long's arm while flipping him, aruna politely holds shi kai's leg long enough for him to flip as well
they use this moment to briefly split apart and breathe for a second in the choreography
shi kai's turn to throw a haymaker! in an echo of earlier, aruna grabs that arm and puts it into a (very loose) joint lock, and loops his left arm around shi kai's chest in a "headlock." I would like to praise aruna's fight choreography technique here, because he is executing a lovely fake headlock — arm barred across shi kai's collarbones and shoulder, not actually anywhere close to shi kai's throat. likewise, shi kai's free hand is on that arm, which anchors both of them relative to each other and also allows for shi kai to "struggle" without being in danger of dislodging aruna's grip to somewhere more dangerous
aruna then pivots them and "kicks" shi kai onto the couch — either he misplaced his foot or he's really selling it, but that flail does not look very controlled hhh. meanwhile, shi kai finally gets to flop on this very squishy-looking couch, which jing long has been monopolizing for this entire performance. again, it's shi kai's job to sell the force of aruna's kick, so he whiplashes very convincingly onto the cushions
this is also a classic of stage combat: "throw" your opponent into what is actually a soft landing place with very little real force, and let your opponent control the force and direction and theatricality of how they land
aruna, stumbling back from kicking shi kai, has his outstretched arms caught by two of the stuntpeople he laid flat earlier. also another visible "seam," as he essentially backs into their arms so they can catch him
he then flings them off, which is tremendously unrealistic sdlfksdjls but we can cut the man a break, he's been onstage for a minute and a half and that minute was almost entirely fight choreography
side note: you can hear aruna's heavy breathing, which means that they decided to keep his mic on during this fight sequence?? well I hope they turned aruna's mic off shortly after this for the next stunt they're about to pull
the flying kick + punch combo is also tremendously unrealistic (like, way to cancel out the force of your own strikes as you try to go in opposite directions simultaneously), but it looks showy. if you watch carefully, you can see the second stuntperson (who presumably gets socked in the face) do his extremely extra flip while he goes down just a hair late
3:27 - 4:08 (end) Finale
and now it's time for the big finish! I do love the editing on this performance, since no matter who's currently engaged in a beatdown, they'll periodically give shots to the third person so we know where they're positioned. in this case, we saw jing long levering himself back up during the aruna - shi kai showdown and gearing himself up for—
jing long runs at aruna and launches himself into the air to lock his legs around aruna's neck
moment of silence for aruna's neck. and all the rehearsals they had to go through while jing long figured this out
another visible "seam" — as aruna backs up towards the center of the stage, he's subtly checking over his shoulder (the wrong shoulder, likely on purpose so that he can still be taken "off guard" by jing long's attack) and killing a few seconds while jing long gets a running start
to be honest the spinning leg lock just looks fun. probably not for aruna but once they get into position jing long lets his arms go like "wheeeee"
letting his arms go is also important for weight distribution, balance, and lowering himself to the ground once aruna's spun them enough times. hey can someone send a memo to 偶像剧 that this is clearly the superior form of the 公主抱 + 转圈圈 combination
aruna goes to the floor — again — to let them both down and they roll away from each other to disengage. hilariously, at some point in this scuffle, aruna loses a shoe. you can spot it by shi kai's foot in the next shot, and also when aruna stands, facing the didi gang, his right (shoeless) foot is visibly smaller than his left
this manuever also yanks the earpiece out of aruna's ear — at this point I'm just impressed that all of their microphones stayed on their faces
while shi kai helps jing long get to his feet (love that you can hear the unsteadiness in jing long's voice. that doesn't stop him from being exquisitely on key or belting), aruna goes and grabs the duffel
I am also irrationally charmed by how shi kai mirrors aruna's chin-jerk. in my personal postcanon imagination for this stupid four minute performance I like to think that they follow the 不打不相识 rules of friendship, and aruna takes these two chuckleheads under his wing. oh wait that's what already happened in the rehearsals for this performance. anyway
a moment of appreciation for the dynamism of the last shot — in the ringing silence after the last note, aruna hurls the duffel bag behind him with a yell, and the two sides charge at each other as the stage goes dark. this must have been a late add, because their dress rehearsals have the didi gang getting up in aruna's space and surrounding him, and the stage goes to blackout in that stationary image. ending on this clash is such a lovely evocation of movement and further story as both sides throw away the original "goal" of this confrontation (the duffel) for the thrill of the fight
OK SO THAT WAS A LOT OF RAMBLING, NOW WHAT?
you know, I wish I knew what the point of this exercise was too beyond trying to shake all of these thoughts out of my brain. all I know is that I watched this performance a couple of weeks ago and it's now become my entire personality. I think about it multiple times a day. I've watched it so many times I know all the cuts, and maybe most of the choreography by heart
I think there's something about the rawness of this performance — both in a primal, punchin' kind of sense, but the relative lack of artifice. this performance is very much a back-to-theatrical basics; a rare piece that doesn't rely on an overabundance of flashing concert lighting or pyrotechnics to elevate the atmosphere of the song. much like the barebones aesthetic of the set (mostly scaffolding), this performance relies on very little special effects beyond good old-fashioned theater. legitimately, I'm not sure they had many lighting cues beyond "lights up" and "lights out," which is tremendously refreshing to see.
and of course, naturally, I've been obsessed with the fight choreography. hopefully the several thousand words have convinced you that the choreography is well-made and well-crafted within the context of the song and performance and narrative; I think for me, it was the refreshing novelty of seeing actually good fight choreography in cmedia. it's just been. so long?? since I've seen down and dirty fight choreography that hasn't been stylized and slow-moed to hell and back, strung up and strung out on wire work and wind machines. there's also a down-to-earth-ness to the stage combat here — reminiscent of HK gangster flicks, for sure, and their overlap with kung fu action films — from the lack of wild stunts and acrobatics that feels especially appropriate to the presented narrative
and it helps that everyone brought their all to the performance! aruna, shi kai, and jing long's characters all shone through easily, subtly, in embodiments that felt effortless, though jing long would be the first to argue otherwise (he struggled quite a bit, and went to Professional Screen Actor Aruna for advice). and even if the characterizations felt seamless, I loved being able to see the "seams" of the performance; how they put the fight choreography together, the little tells where you can spot the immense amount of work that went into honing this performance into something stage-ready. the effort everyone put into this is palpable, from the shortness of breath to the strained voices and strained back muscles (big mood, jing long). it's the fly on the painting that brings it to life; it's sneaking a peek of the human effort and time and work it took to put this together
I am rapidly running out of words to explain why I love this so much, but to actually explain all of it feels like it would strip away the emotion and render it nothing more and nothing less than appreciation. but there is a healthy mixture of all of that: appreciation, admiration, enthusiasm, knowledge, satisfaction, that makes my deep affection for this performance that much stronger, that makes me stop my workday whenever this comes up in my playlist again to watch it all again, even if I already know every grunt and every thump, every run and every belt by heart
(bows to an empty auditorium) thank you for your time as I yammer on about another niche interest. I'm off to go elevate my watch count into the triple digits (kickflips off stage)
LINKS
纯享 4-minute performance video
full episode (their section begins 41:20 and runs approximately to 1:00:00)
extra reactions from the greenroom
additional rehearsal footage
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Link Click Musical update 154 Official song lyrics 🎶✨
(part 1, M1-M12)
Huge thanks for @chocolatexiaoshi for providing the text 💖💖💖
M1时空旅行
作曲:Metablue赛博蓝
作词:陈璐
陆 光
每一张旧照片街接两个世界
每一次击掌后你将回到从前
程小时
拍摄的瞬间是穿越的结点
替代他人灵魂化身故事主角
陆 光
我只能预测十二个小时
发生的事件
你必须遵循别人轨迹
别擅自改变
一张照片只能使用一遍
这次回到矛盾爆发的起点
用你视角搜寻十年后秘方为何不见
程小时
就算看不见希望的踪影
真相总是千丝万缕
没理由就此放弃
就让我继续走完她们的结局
或许出现奇迹
陆 光
希望再渺茫奇迹是微光
他的坚持带来转机
找到关键的证据
你我的能力完成时空之旅
信任才是前提
无论过去
不问将来
彼此守护共同进退
M2轨迹
作曲:Metablue赛博蓝
作词:陈璐
陆 光
命运的轨迹
它不偏不倚
你认为的无心之举
都追随它的脚印
人生的轨迹
落下每一步棋
将会出现回应
程小时
脱口而出的言语
陆 光
掀起真相浪花分歧生根发芽
程小时
友情破碎的结局
陆 光
你埋下伏笔等分裂降临
程小时
因果循环的定律
陆 光
而我预知未来却无法洞悉
合
命运策划的轨迹
陆光代理人的枷锁
是在回忆中去相遇
亲身经历一段感情
然后冷静抽身离去
这轨迹困住我
我知道剧情早注定
这轨迹困住我
可是我还想保护……
M3你可算了吧 (You can forget about it aka 'sofa song')
作曲:Metablue赛博蓝
作词:陈璐
乔 苓
你霸占我家十五年不走
今天算笔账别找理由
一日三餐房租水电煤气费
你开车也是我加油
为你打理相馆我全年无休
受欺负靠我出头
还钱走人
既往不咎
否则与你誓死不休
友情算了吧
你我也算了吧
凭什么我要倒贴一切来当你的管家
友情算了吧
你我也算了吧
要不是我爸同意
你怎会留在这里
oh收拾行李搬家出去
光光你让一下,别溅你一脸血。
程小时
我是时光相馆的看门狗
在食物链下层游走
一个算盘打得精的老友
免费打工完成委托
房租就当丢根骨头
另一个冷漠无情新的朋友
时光代理人靠配合
只是霸凌我的噱头
你们算了吧
友情都算了吧
���我逼急了土狗也变狼狗
你们算了吧
友情都算了吧
我疯起来对自己下狠手
Oh算了吧友情都算了吧
干脆我原地上吊立刻动手
房子变凶宅死也不走
陆 光
以毒攻毒的小把戏
朋友间足够了解才能算计
时常上演决裂的闹剧
有反派才能齐心
朋友吵闹该如何解题
用狠话引起在意就是谜底
朋友的账单该要如何算清
付出总无法定义
算了吧
陪两个傻瓜玩游戏
程小时
那就算了吧
宽容是我人格魅力
乔 苓
只能算了吧
我发脾气就当你偿还利息
苓/时
不如算了吧
别再算来算去
陆 光
最佳损友是最坚固的关系
苓/时
不如算了吧
程小时
互相嫌弃但别人无可代替
苓/光
不如算了吧
乔 苓
账本翻到底
时光相馆没我不行
合
不如算了吧
M4友情的信仰 (Friendship's Faith)
作曲:Metablue赛博蓝
作词:陈璐
程小时
初次见面不太顺眼
白头发精神小伙
难道崇拜我灌篮动作
陆 光
球场上成群结队
落单只有他和我
勉强切磋
程小时
看我反手跳投上篮
陆 光
看我后撤转身抢断
程小时
你作弊
陆 光
别着急
刚才是练习
时/光
篮球的灵魂是配合
我防守你突破
比分是结果而信任是收获
让信仰带着光
信任交给朋友
绝不放弃每次伙伴的期待
陆 光
此刻回忆照进现实
他将梦想放你肩上
角色互换该如何抉择
程小时
你伸手拉我走出孤立无援
借你的光替我照亮了方向
绝境中传递信任携手进退
别放弃朋友期待成为信仰
是你忘了还是我抛弃承诺
就让我上场去守护他梦想
陆光
初遇浮现 友情点燃
约定回响 你我信仰
从未遗忘 陪你共同进退
光/时
篮球的灵魂是配合
我防守你突破
比分是结果而信任是收获
让信仰带着光
信任交给朋友
绝不放弃每次伙伴的期待
M5回到过去 (aka 'sad cxs solo')
作曲:Metablue赛博蓝
作词:陈璐
程小时
恐惧自责袭卷交错
无助彷徨吞噬着我
曾以为并不会失去你
现在我该如何去哪里
当丢失你讯息中断联络频率才看透改写赛局覆盖原本轨迹
你提醒过我误解了怨你冷漠全都怪我害你坠落时空漩涡
程小时
看不清听不见抓不住找不到你身影猜不透道不破想不明画不出你痕迹
哪个时空有你行踪
会不会你彻底被抹去消失不见
只要能挽救我一定不顾一切
难道非要回拨指针
回到过去时间暂停重来
可无数个过去拼凑所有未来
除非回到最初就算你我没相遇
让时间重来过
我必须要回去拯救你
啊~
只要能挽救我一定不顾一切
M6词不达意 (Words can't convey the love)
作曲:贾义秉
作词:陈璐
程小时
能不能够借几分钟给我
就让这首音乐替我表达
原谅我情绪太复杂
如果词不达意的话
请自行归纳
其实重点也就四个字吧
首尾两个就是我和你呀
中间两字加起来一共十八个笔画
粤语叫作钟意啊
陆光
哪那么多废话?
程小时
这句话埋在我心底已经数个春夏
就像是永不结疤的伤疤
此刻我心扉对你敞开
不必感到负担
拒绝好过遗憾
陆 光
说重点
我喜
程小时
喜喜
陆 光
喜欢
程小时
洗衣做饭
其实我
陆光
喜
程小时
喜喜
陆 光
喜欢
程小时
你今天的穿衣打扮
喜喜喜喜欢
四个字我怎么连起来却说不出口
时/光
词不达意忐忑不定心跳的频率
程小时
我该如何向你表明少年的心意
陆 光
闭上眼睛用心聆听
时/光
所有的惋惜都化作勇气
程小时
大声告诉你 我——
陆 光
我喜欢你这四个字这么难说吗?
M7 俗话说 (As the saying goes)
作曲:贾义秉
作词:陈璐
陈潇妈
老子从来和你讲道理你懒求得听
那些为你好的话你娃当你妈念经
你要不是老子亲生的哪个吃饱了才管你
喊你平时多读一点书硬是搞得像要命
不晓得你脑壳头装的是啥子
早晓得生儿子老子单身一辈子
攒劲学习考个第一是为你个人努力
篮球摄影没得出息将来你只能种地
程小时
hold on,hold on,这么玩是吧
battle我可没怕过谁
望子成龙是种包装掌控欲是爱的假象
听话才获得褒奖无视孩子心中理想
陈潇妈
出人头地才算理想,不务正业那叫妄想
成绩是唯一方向
再打篮球我打你两巴掌
程小时
别再白费口舌谁的人生谁负责
成功不用钱��衡量我的未来不是你的战场
陈潇妈
别再油嘴滑舌 你的人生我负责
我吃的盐比你吃的米都多!陈潇你给我听好!
俗话说听人劝少走弯路
能够避免风吹和雨打
听妈的话
程小时
俗话说每条路条条大路通罗马
命运自有章法
别让他绑架
陈潇妈
俗话说要享福先吞下学习的苦
未来才能享福
苦尽甘来
程小时
俗话说任他说
每个人的幸福都有自己走的路
我要走不一样的路
没得到命运眷顾亲情上缺乏感触
陈词滥调的俗话原来也会如此丰富
好庆幸这次任务是命运给的礼物
体会了斗嘴也算感受过妈妈给的温度
M8使命的枷锁
作曲:贾义秉
作词:陈璐
程小时
危险 潜藏暗处的危险
时间 迫在眉睫的时间
结点 我必须赶在死神降临之前帮助他们脱险陆 光 危险 只是历史在重演
时间 都已完结的从前
结点 死亡是你预知未来也无法去撼动的结点
陆 光
放手吧 别忘记你我背负的使命
接受吧 别留恋全都是过去宿命
程小时
放手 怎能甘心就放手
接受 绝不向命运低头
过去 明明他们就在这里让我感同身受怎么会是过去
陆 光
死亡 无法跨越的距离
命运 不容你还手抗拒
轨迹 如果他们活着就会有别人代替死去
程小时
谁该死去 都是无辜的生命
谁该侥幸 你凭什么去安排结局
陆 光
无奈的使命 共情后却要抽离
穿越的能力 到底是惩罚还是奖励
时/光
代理人的枷锁是在回忆中去相遇
亲身经历一段感情 然后冷静抽身离去
程小时
这枷锁绑住我
我知道不能再挣脱
这枷锁绑住我
可是我还想保护她
至少能保护她一个
M9给妈妈的信
作曲:余婧
作词:陈璐
程小时
我记得你饭菜的味道
我知道你也不想唠叨
那些你数落的话还在耳边
怎么温情的画面转眼不见
看你皱眉想起她的眼尾
若有机会也想和她斗嘴
明明这些年早已学会习惯
藏起她背影别让思念试探
想要写封信怪她
怎么说话不算话
我一直听话相馆又没搬家
再不出现忘记你啦
我记得你唱过的童谣
不重要童年不算难熬
只是偶尔也羡慕别的伙伴
不过有那么几回掉过眼泪
想要写封信问她
地址是梦境对吗
如果你听见梦里等你回话
不说话就当你答应啦
我在等你
小时妈
月亮别睡小宝贝他怕黑
拍怕你的背别流泪
星星别睡替我看看宝贝
妈妈抱抱你别皱眉
妈妈在梦里别怕黑
M10分裂时光
作曲:Metablue 赛博蓝
作词:陈璐
陆 光
看着你的我 失魂落魄 无可又奈何
可笑的我委屈难说 谎言已被戳破
一句散伙切割你我过往全部褪色
聚散别离 苦果也是结果
假如重来过 任你犯错 改写别人生活
袖手旁观 等你闯祸 此刻你会如何
怪我该提醒却隐瞒忽略了
妄想操纵委托
情绪教唆信任被挑拨
门外灯光暗了 进退别无选择
失望携手苦涩也怂恿着我
门内时间定格背叛在煽风点火
时光拉扯 倔强的你 自负的我
这规则困住你我 越坚守越是坠落
注定的宿命结果 不是你我能够逆转的
跨越着两个时空 命运这无情铁笼
过去与现在纠葛无法逃脱
黑夜与白昼交手就像你我
门外灯光暗了 门内时间定格
沉默携手夜色从眼前擦过
规则的守护者 插手博弈也是我
时光拉扯 倔强的你 自负的我
无论过去 不问将来 输了
M11尼克和马修 (Nick and Matthew) eng transl here
作曲:余婧
作词:陈璐
乔 苓
七岁那年遇见一个倒霉朋友
我的笑料都来自他出丑
没穿过耐克 自己画个倒钩
羡慕同学有爸妈开车接送
他吹牛家里游艇正在维修
这个蠢货幻想有两个朋友
一个叫尼克另一个叫马修
还以为是他国外的笔友
所谓的朋友全都是他虚构
说尼克是狮子马修是条狗
用秘密威胁他做我朋友
却提了个要求
家长会
我爸装他大舅
尼克马修其实是孤独的魔咒
若有人陪伴谁会如此荒谬
所有的情绪靠幻想找个出口
喜怒哀愁和故事书去交流
自我欺骗才能排解烦忧
这个倒霉蛋我认识十五年之久
你是除了我以外他唯一的朋友
看过了彼此的伤口应该更宽容
别被情绪左右一起向前走
如果我是尼克你来做马修
他渴望的两个朋友 你和我送他拥有尼克和马修他童年的缺口
填补了他的梦你我别放手
尼克和马修吹过最离谱的牛
能不能和我一起将他心愿保留
M12底牌 (Trump card? aka 'Rock paper scissors song')
作曲:Metablue赛博蓝/余婧
作词:陈璐
程小时
石头剪刀出��就拉倒 你的底牌就这一招
陆 光
摆烂自闭冷战绝交 你底牌也很无聊
程小时
论阴阳怪气你第二没人第一
陆 光
翻旧帐你第一oh 别谦虚
程小时
既然没诚意就和好暂停
毒舌古板装酷傲娇顶着扑克脸看谁都像没还你钱
陆 光
幼稚抠门冲动愚蠢相馆没倒闭是奇迹
程小时
失败就怪我成功的全都归你
下次穿越你自己搞定
陆 光
说到底这才是你的底气 合二为一是前提
时/光
揭开底牌
契约绑定不可分离
彼此能力要共赢
陆 光
我预知未来
程小时
我穿越回去
时/光
若命运洗牌新的能力
新的伙伴到来
或许不如你
这样想来你勉强可以
程小时
旧帐算一遍
我只是在意不被认可
我们协作
不甘心我总是闯祸
陆 光
旧帐都翻篇
也怪我从前主导太多
放眼未来不计前嫌
时/光
揭开底牌
契约绑定不可分离
彼此信任是唯一
别回望过去
别在意将来
用你我能力无所畏惧
新的挑战到来
我终于明白
朋友才是最后的底牌
Okay there are 2 more songs, I'll add them in a reblog. If any brave soul wants the full script in one document, for translation convenience, let me know and I'll send it to you :*
#link click#link click musical#shiguang dailiren#text post#song lyrics#chinese#lu guang#cheng xiaoshi#qiao ling#i added titles to the songs we're familiar with#not touching the rest#as I don't know chinese#anyone who does a legit translation of a song#will get a shiguang doodle from me#that's all I can offer ><
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〔Bài dịch số 1110〕 ngày 06.12.2023 :
活鱼会逆水而上,死鱼才会随波逐流.
Cá sống sẽ ngược dòng bơi lên , cá chết mới gặp sao hay vậy.
- (Hoài Vũ Vũ/baosam1399 dịch)
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起风了 the wind rises
这一路上走走停停,顺着少年漂流的痕迹 walking in stops and starts on this road, along the traces of drifting youth 迈出车站的前一刻,竟有些犹豫 the moment before i stepped out of the station, i unexpectedly hesitated 不禁笑这近乡情怯,仍无法���免 i couldn't help but laugh at these feelings so close to home, but even so, there was no way to avoid them 而长野的天,依旧那么暖,风吹起了从前 and the long and wild days (alt. nagano's skies) were still so warm, the wind stirring up the past
从前初识这世间,万般流连,看着天边似在眼前 long ago when i first met this world, so reluctant to part from it, the edge of the sky looked as though it was right before my eyes 也甘愿赴汤蹈火去走它一遍 and i was willing to tread fire and water just to walk through it once 如今走过这世间,万般流连,翻过岁月不同侧脸 now as i walk this world, so reluctant to part from it, i page through the years and the myriad side profiles 措不及防闯入你的笑颜 helpless against your smiling face bursting in
我曾难自拔于世界之大,也沉溺于其中梦话 i once found it hard to pull myself out of the vastness of the world, and i immersed (alt. drowned) myself in its dreams 不得真假,不做挣扎,不惧笑话 not knowing truth (alt. reality) from lie, not struggling, not fearing jokes 我曾将青春翻涌成她,也曾指尖弹出盛夏 i once churned my youth into the image of her, and once the height of summer sprang (alt. the notes of summer played) from my fingertips 心之所动,且就随���去吧 the movement (alt. fluttering) of my heart, let it go with destiny 逆着光行走,任风吹雨打 walking against the light, letting the wind blow and the rain pelt me
短短的路走走停停,也有了几分的距离 walking in stops and starts on this short road, a bit of distance still forms 不知抚摸的是故事,还是段心情 not knowing whether i'm touching a story or a segment of feelings 也许期待的不过是,与时间为敌 maybe what i'm anticipating is just making time my enemy 再次看到你,微凉晨光里,笑得很甜蜜 when i see you once again, in the slight chill of the dawning, your smile is very sweet
(...)
我曾难自拔于世界之大,也沉溺于其中梦话 i once found it hard to pull myself out of the vastness of the world, and i immersed (alt. drowned) myself in its dreams 不做真假,不做挣扎,不惧笑话 not taking things as truth or lie, not struggling, not fearing jokes 我曾将青春翻涌成她,也曾指尖弹出盛夏 i once churned my youth into the image of her, and once the height of summer sprang (alt. the notes of summer played) from my fingertips 心之所动,且就随缘去吧 the movement (alt. fluttering) of my heart, let it go with destiny
晚风吹起你鬓间的白发,抚平回忆留下的疤 the evening breeze stirs up the white hair between your temples, smoothing down the scars left by recollection 你的眼中,明暗交杂,一笑生�� in your eyes, light and dark mix together, flowers blooming from your smile 暮色遮住你蹒跚的步伐,走进床头藏起的画 the colors of dusk obscure your meandering steps, walking into the painting hidden at the bedside 画中的你,低着头说话 the you in the painting speaks with a lowered head
我仍感叹于世界之大,也沉醉于儿时情话 i still meditate on the vastness of the world, and i immerse (alt. inebriate) myself in the sweet nothings of childhood 不剩真假,不做挣扎,无谓笑话 not leaving behind truth or lies (alt. no difference remaining between reality and lie), not struggling, not telling jokes 我终将青春还给了她,连同指尖弹出的盛夏 in the end, i returned my youth to her, along with the height of summer that sprang (alt. the notes of summer that played) from my fingertips 心之所动,就随风去了 the movement (alt. fluttering) of my heart, it left with the wind just like that (alt. simply let it go with the wind) 以爱之名,你还愿意吗 in the name of love, are you still willing?
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第39章拆穿
蔡霞其实想不明白James为什么要骗自己,直到抽奖环节,蔡霞才被女同事叫回神:“蔡霞,开始抽奖了,奖品可丰厚了。”
早在之前,富强集团内部就开始填礼物问卷了,针对各个员工的需求,设定了特等奖、一等奖、二等奖等等,还有安慰奖,每个人都有,是五百块现金。
一等奖是一套房子,租房星人们都喜欢这个奖品。
而二等奖是车子,豪华跑车一辆。
蔡霞跟着同事扫码,等着陆总裁喊停。
现场的背景音乐都变得紧张起来,气氛渐渐热烈,大家都期待地看着大屏幕。
连带着蔡霞都变得激动起来了。
陆雍背对着大屏幕,看向台下的人,随意喊了一个停。
屏幕上滚动的微信昵称停了下来,是蔡霞他们不认识的人。
销售部的。
看到中奖昵称,小赵一脸生无可恋,“居然不是我,那二等奖总算是我了吧?”
毫无悬念,他们技术组并没有中奖,只拿着安慰奖回家。
和同事在大门分别,蔡霞转身就看到许建辉。
他似乎等了许久,见蔡霞脸色不好,不由得担心地问:“身体不舒服?”
“不是。”
蔡霞坐上许建辉的车。
许建辉也打开车门,坐了上去,小心试探地问:“和男朋友吵架了?那小子我看挺靠谱的,应该不会做对不起你的事吧?”
司机发动车,慢慢驶出会场。
许建辉以为自己说中,以过来人的身份道:“男女朋友之间没有隔夜仇的,好好交流,说开了就好。”
蔡霞只是转头看他,“你是不是知道他的身份?”
一连串的事情,蔡霞敏锐地察觉到这个问题。
许建辉最近态度很奇怪,不再逼着她相亲,反而还劝说她,让她和James好好把问题说开。
这不像他的风格。
除非,许建辉知道James的身份。
许建辉顿时尴尬地干咳了一声,“这个……”
“呵,以为我傍上富强集团的小陆总,你就高枕无忧了是吧?”
是了,怪不得许建辉不再撮合她和陆云舟,原来是有了更好的人选。
James多好,陆雍是他父亲,又和她是这种关系。
有现成的,许建辉何必舍近求远?
被蔡霞戳穿,许建辉忙急着否认,“我没有这么想,你是我女儿,你和James又是两情相悦,我怎么可能棒打鸳鸯?”
“蔡霞,自始至终,爸爸都只是为你好,我也从来没有想让你傍上谁的意思。”
许建辉太了解蔡霞,如若她知道自己有意让她和James结婚,蔡霞肯定不会同意的。
也不知道是叛逆还是怎样,反正他安排的一切,蔡霞都不想接受。
就是因为太了解蔡霞,许建辉才没有说过James的事。
没想到,还是被她知道了。
怕蔡霞意气用事,许建辉劝解道:“蔡霞,感情的事,全在于你,你别因为我的缘故,就急着和James划开界限,这不值得的,你知不知道?”
这事蔡霞肯定做得出来,他都能想象到,今晚之后,蔡霞可能就会和James分手。
许建辉那个气啊,要是结婚才知道这事就好了。
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大江健三郎 - 後退青年研究所(1960)
黑暗的深淵在這個世界到處張著大口保持沉默。現實世界向遍布各處的深淵漏斗狀地傾斜,所以對傾斜敏感的人會不知不覺或者有意識地順首傾斜滑下去,墜入深淵黑暗的沉默之中,從而體驗現實世界裡的地獄。
我曾經像地獄把關人站在一個黑暗的深淵邊上,我所體會的對滑入深淵的漏斗狀傾斜的敏感,是指那些在政治或思想上道受過挫折的青年、心靈受到創傷的青年。當然,他們中的許多人在肉體上也有傷痕。
現實世界的一座地獄,即稱之為黑暗的深淵的話,就在大學旁邊不動產公司大樓三樓,房間總是亮堂堂的(啊,人為什麼自古以來就如此熱心努力使自己的周圍照得光明亮堂呢?人為什麼比野獸更強烈地討厭黑暗呢?我只是一個日本青年,不是基督教徒,對這些不感興趣,但每次一想到人對黑暗的恐懼,就想起「原罪」這個詞)。地上鋪著漆布,油光閃亮,不鏽鋼的辦公桌椅顯得清爽氣派,而且具有高效率,等待著合適能幹的主人。
但是,當我目送從走廊推門而入的挫折青年在回答我為了登記卡上的必要事項提出的、僅僅是卡片未曾明確記載但又必須記入卡片的簡單問題後,走進隔壁房間的時候,還是感覺到這間明亮的辦公室是地獄的一個入口。
隔壁房間有鬼嗎?有美國東郊的大學受過非常好的高等教育的嶄露頭角的年輕心理學家戈爾遜先生和擔任翻譯的東京女子大學學生在等待著。在思想或政治上受到挫折的青年邁出憂鬱的一步踏進這個房間,他們滿腦子苦惱,準備談談心裡話。我的大學同學把這間房間稱為「後退青年研究所」。其實正式名稱叫「戈爾遜訪談室」,英文縮寫為GIO。但沒有人稱呼它的正式名稱。結果戈爾遜先生的問題只提一個:「你為什麼後退了?」因為大家都是來談「自己為什麼年紀輕輕就後退了」的。
那個時期,是韓戰結束後相對穩定的時期,是學生運動處於如氣潭中間四陷的波谷時期。學生對社會的關懷表現在合唱俄羅斯民歌,在兩三年激烈動蕩的學生運動中受到創傷的學生重新回到學校,變得憂鬱苦悶,暗自舔著自己的傷口消磨時光。
於是,一個美國國籍的年輕學者就在東京大學旁創立了這家以遭受創傷的學生運動家為主要調查對象的研究所。它每天吸引不少所謂的後退學生。開始它只在校刊上刊登一則《戈爾遜先生恭候先前的學生運動活動家光臨!》的廣告,結果學生絡繹不絕。
我是在這兒打工的學生,今年剛剛二十歲,對青年神情憂鬱、臉色充滿抹不掉的髒垢的陰影般的苦悶可以說漠不關心,因此大概不會懷有同情之心。但如果GIO是對日本人炫耀優越者傲慢的那種研究所,我也不會接受接待戰戰兢兢地前來訴說自己內心陰暗的皺襞深處殘留的思想疙瘩的同胞這種工作,也許自己也會成為一個憂鬱症「病人」低垂頭把帽子貼在胸前排在長長的學生隊伍後面。
戈爾遜是個標準的開朗的美國人,雖然留著油煙色的短唇鬍,其實還不到三十歲,所以我在他這裡工作不覺得什麼強烈的自卑感。來日本的美國知識分子似乎要不是目空一切旁若無人或和藹可親寬厚溫敦,我們稱之為戈爾遜先生的這位芝加哥出生的社會心理學家可以說溫良敦厚的典型代表。
我現在還說不清楚戈爾遜先生為什麼跑到日本來調查受創傷學生的精神傾向,廣義地說,是否不少美國人在韓戰結束後很快就對日本學生的挫折心態發生興趣? 用美國社會心理學的方法調查日本學生,結果對美國人有什麼用?
一般認為,美國人的調查是為了加強在遠東地區進行反共宣傳的基礎的一項工作。這種看法多少令人信服,但就我所在的GIO來看,至少戈爾遜先生從未給我與反共宣傳有關的印象。
戈爾遜調查室每個月都把調查結果報回本國,但接收單位是不知道他業已畢業還是尚在就學的美國東部某大學研究所,好像與美國國務院、議會並沒有直接的聯繫。當然,我在這辦公室工作期間,出於一種自我厭惡的情緒,本來就對辦公室的性質、目的十分冷淡,也不想深入了解。我坐在辦公室裡,也和來訪的學生一樣,心情極其鬱悶,但出了大學教室門,會無緣無故地朝氣蓬勃、輕鬆愉快,有一種充滿希望的解放感。
我想擔任戈爾遜先生的翻譯兼打字員的女大學生也是如此的吧。在辦公室裡,我從未見過這個高挑細瘦的女大學生一絲平靜輕鬆的表情,但偶然在東京大學和東京女子大學共同舉辦的歌舞聯歡會上時看到她時,這位憂慮愁悶的我的同事簡直判若兩人,兩頰緋艷動人,興高采烈,歡聲笑語,像鳥鳴一樣尖聲歡笑。第二天,我懷著某種期待和莫名其妙害羞上班,出現在我面前的仍然是像內分泌失調似地愁眉苦臉的女大學生。
GIO的工作性質本身就極為憂鬱。 有一次戈爾遜先生說,日本的工作告一段落後打算去台灣或南韓從事同樣的工作,熱情動員我跟他一起去。那時候我很想試一試,甚至夢見自己在南韓調查受挫折的朝鮮青年,我不僅把戈爾遜先生的所有工作包攬下來,還手執鞭子像對待奴隸一樣抽打前來傾訴衷腸的青年,想來實在可笑。這也許是GIO表面上像穩重平靜的調查室,其實潛藏著將手指插進青年的傷口使勁摳攪脂肪、肉體的冷酷的一面的緣故,感覺在我的潛意識裡、在夢中重現出來。
我的工作是調查接受前來訪談的學生的履歷和訪談結束後付給學生報酬。酬金是採訪一小時五百日元。戈爾遜先生通常在發票上都寫採訪兩個小時,本來學生上學都有月票,無需交通費,但還是根據現住所到這兒的距離支付交通費,這對學生來說,是筆不壞的打工收入。但是,除了特殊情況外,這樣的「打工」只能申請一次,而且不是前不久積極參與學生運動後來倒退的這樣在思想上發生戲劇性轉變的人不要。因此,雖然不是想像的那麼難,確實比一般的打工不容易。
在GIO工作幾個月後,來訪的學生開始明顯減少,有時我的卡片上一天也沒登記一個學生的名字,戈爾遜先生無所事事,皺著眉頭像狗熊一樣悲傷地在屋裡轉來轉去。在這成績不佳的日子裡,只有翻譯兼打字員的女大學生絕不心慌意亂急躁氣惱,板板正正地端坐在桌前,閱讀袖珍本的《矛盾論》、《實踐論》。這不會讓別人覺得她思想上有所共鳴,因為那個時期,在女大學生中,毛澤東的書和羅曼羅蘭的書一樣風行。
沒有學生來的時候,戈爾遜先生就到傳達室和我聊天。他不和女大學生交談。她非常不愛說話,幾乎從不發表意見(這種徹底的沉默寡言使人覺得不正常,好像向戈爾遜先生發表見解自己也就成了前來訴說精神挫折的學生),戈爾遜先生對 她也有幾分發怵。我們一邊從辦公室窗子望著本鄉(本鄉,地名。東京大學位於此地一譯註)的大學裡高大的樹木,一邊盡量避開商業、日漸減少的後退青年的話題,漫無目的、天南海北地神聊起來。
透過這種無拘無束的漫談,我知道這個家庭一貧如洗的白人兒子靠獎學金上的大學,說不上天資聰穎才華橫溢,卻對日本的挫折青年極感興趣。一個二十八、九歲的美國青年選擇這個問題作為研究課題來到日本成立調查所,這本身就令人覺得他的精神構造不可思議有悖常規。我開始感覺到戈爾遜先生不是深淵的擁有者,而是被吸進這個現實世界的深淵裡的第一個墜落者。於是很自然地聯想到自己,我在自己的學生同胞前來訴說陰暗的情緒崩潰的外國人事務所裡工作,覺得有點近乎賣良為娼的人口販子、老鴇這樣卑鄙下賤,想起少年時光,雖然那時還是戰爭年代,對自己二十歲這個年紀依然懷抱著玫瑰色的幻想。但如今已經二十歲,而且是在和平時期,卻幹這種不清不白不三不四的差事,心頭充滿難以言狀的苦澀和自我厭惡。
可以跟我互相交流自我厭惡情緒的應該說是那個同樣打工的女大學生,但她整天愁容滿面,一有空就全神貫注地鑽進毛澤東的書裡,從不到我的屋子來走動。我一到裡屋,就不得不面對那些登記卡,被憂傷鬱悶的學生的形象擠壓得喘不過氣來,所以絕不會從我這邊推開女大學生房間的門,於是只好愁眉苦臉地和同樣愁眉苦臉的戈爾遜先生漫無邊際地神聊。啊,GIO簡直就是一座無比憂鬱的地獄!
正是在這種閒聊中,戈爾遜先生動員我在日本的工作結束後跟他一起去台灣或者韓國,也正是在這種倦怠鬱悶的時間裡,我從他不經意的動作的細微處覺察出 同性戀的傾向。他談到美國東部的鄉村小鎮,語調那麼親切眷戀,卻不遠萬裡跑到東方來,說不定是被流放到日本來的呢。外國人到大學的課餘打工科要求介紹擔任陪同聊天的人、導遊、翻譯的學生,大多都想藉此名義發展成同性戀對象。 外國人的這種別有用心現在已經變成常識了。我的一個朋友透過打工和一個外國貿易商搞上了同性戀,後來被貿易商拋棄,因此自殺。「被拋棄」這三個字是他寫在遺書裡的。這也是韓戰結束後那一陣子的事。
我和戈爾遜先生用低得能聽見隔壁翻書響動的聲音斷斷續續地聊長天,但雙方的心並沒有互相靠攏貼近。我用半瓶醋的英文跟美國人聊白開水淡而無味的閒天,覺得著急,深深地感嘆自已為什麼會在這裡幹這種事。我現在大體能體會到與美國人一起工作的日本人、尤其三十歲左右的婦女為什麼一天到晚裝模作樣矯揉造作大聲叫嚷的秘密。那些戴著很講究很派頭的眼鏡抹著大紅嘴唇以痙攣性地強調突出臉龐的女大學生們即將埋沒自己的空虛乏味的恍惚。她們和舊式婦女一樣,自我要求對工作奴隸般地逆來順受。
就我自己而言,當我看著和我相對而坐自由交談的這個美國人玻璃般透明而遲鈍呆滯的眼睛、像在果子凍上灑一層麵粉一樣發喧的胖臉和手背的皮膚、當細小的高鼻子、突然發出怪聲的嘴唇時,甚至神經質地想如果為了深入了解對方的思想情緒、為了在對方的臉上恢復人的統一感,簡單地說,如果為了發現我和對方之間人與人的聯繫,可以發展到同性戀關係。
我剛剛二十歲,從這個世界的幾乎一切追尋人與人的關係。而對年輕人來說,無論正常或變態的性關係,都是盲目地沉溺在令人感覺怪誕無序的他在之中的行為,都是賦予意義、制定秩序、變成如自己身體的一部分那樣親密的行為。如果我每天都和戈爾遜先生進行這樣百無聊賴的持續不斷的談話,我很可能要麼神經發作地和他同性戀,要麽神經發作地和他大吵一通辭去GIO的工作。
但是,在某月月初,由於上個月報回國內的調查數據實在缺少內容,本國給戈爾遜先生發來一封信指責他工作消極怠惰,信的措辭相當嚴厲。他早晨上班看了這封信後,一整個早上都在房間裡心煩意躁地急步轉圈。下午,戈爾遜先生終於下了決心,對全所人員,除清掃女工外、即我、女大學生及他本人就當前的困境發表演說。
戈爾遜先生的論點簡潔明快,本國要求他今後每個月提供上個月三倍資訊量的調查數據,如果不能保證這個基數,將解除他遠東研究員的職務。因此,我們必須提高效率。
怎麼提高效率?是在校刊上登更大的廣告,還是在校園貼廣告?《戈爾遜先生恭侯先前的學生運動活動家光臨!》
我針對戈爾遜先生的提問,發表意見說不能指望廣告的方法可以使狀況發生根本性的好轉,因為戈爾遜先生的後退青年研究所在學生中已經出名,即使出廣告,也不會有更多的精神挫折的新學生前來。
翻譯兼打字員的女大學生基本上同意我的意見,她認為即使我們在校內張貼廣告,再到處尋找可能會前來訴說自己精神受到創傷的青年,也不會像GIO調查初期那麼多。歸根究底,社會上並沒有存在很多「精神受創」的青年,並不是有無數的在學生運動中有過挫折體驗的青年在等待著GIO的召喚。大概已經見底了吧。
戈爾遜先生、我、翻譯兼打字員的女大學生心情憂鬱地討論了很久。戈爾遜先生不想現在離開日本,工作半途而廢回到美國意味著在大學裡謀不到一個好位置。 另外,我和女大學生都不想過早失去這份又安穩收入又可觀的打工。
越討論越覺得前途渺茫,大家陷於一籌莫展的時候,戈爾遜先生提出了妥協的方案。他說,下個月一個月大家好好幹,把成績提上去,全力以赴,做出好成績,就可以向國內提出報告說日本學生的調查已大體結束,這樣就會批准調到其他地方去。如果在成績惡劣、遭受批評的風頭上提出調任請求,會立即被炒魷魚,南韓與台灣就是別人的美差了。
我和女大學生覺得不是立刻丟掉飯碗,還有一個月的時間可以找別的打工。於是三個人一致決定大幹一個月全力進行調查提出高品質的工作報告。
但是,不找到幾個後退青年,我們連一張調查卡也填不了,寫報告更無從談起。 這時,我突然心血來潮,一個主意浮上心頭:我們可以製造後退青年、即心靈遭受創傷前來訴說苦惱的青年,簡單地說,就是隨心所欲地把一般青年當做後退青年,編造他們前來GIO訴說精神苦惱的假報告。說起來,這麼好的主意為什麼以前就沒想出來。我們以前聽過積極參與學生運動或黨的活動、後來遭受政治思想上的挫折的「心靈受創青年」訴說自己的真實感受。至少我和翻譯兼打字員的女大學生都聽過。「心靈受創青年」的訴說,連我們的心靈都感受到痛苦。「心靈受創青年」主動到GIO來訴說自己的內傷不僅僅要忍受痛苦,更是克服了巨大的心理障礙。其實,後退青年到GI0來本身就是極不正常的非人性的行為。
根據我的主意,只需要一般學生稍微做些表演就好。我目送這些青年走進隔壁房間接受調查時,不會覺得他們掉進黑暗的深淵而心頭難過,也不會從調查完畢出來的青年臉上看到遭受打擊一蹶不振的印象,或者由於說得太多而疲憊興奮得通紅的肌膚上出現後悔、自我厭惡這些陰暗憂鬱的污垢。因為這一切全是演戲。他們不是「心靈受創青年」。
於是我向戈爾遜先生保證我明天去大學找幾個調查應徵者來,一定是幾年前學生運動的積極分子、典型的後退青年。
第二天,我跑了一間又一間教室,還去研究室和課外小組活動室,說明我的宗旨。說是一般學生,其實對兩三年前的學生運動也很了解,而且全身都給人一種體驗過精神挫折的印象。應徵者很多,我從中挑了十個。他們都知道GIO。他們和我一樣,對後退青年研究所把他們演戲的錯誤數據信以真感到愉快。我們興高采烈七嘴八���討論說,美國人以為能把自己的手指插進日本真正的「心靈受創青年」的傷口裡使勁摳攪,完全打錯了算盤,我們信口雌黃的遊戲奠定了他們學問的基礎。當天晚上,這十個學生去GIO的日期以及各自扮演的角色都安排妥當。
從下一周開始,GIO每天都是開業以來從未有過的充實豐富。戈爾遜先生情緒極佳,幾乎天天說終於採訪到了一直想見的典型的後退青年。我只是輕鬆地把巧妙玩弄訴說把戲的青年送進隔壁的房裡,心情十分舒暢。
但是,令我稍感不滿的是,翻譯兼打字員的女大學生出人意外地突然辭去工作,戈爾遜先生決定停止調查,立即整理報告。結果我預約的兩位表演者未能上場。
戈爾遜先生也寫了一份日本工作業結束,GIO現已關閉,待命調往他地的報告,隨同本月的統計報表送回。他也答應把女大學生的工作日期算到GIO關閉為止向國內申請特殊津貼。戈爾遜先生對這個月成功的調查充滿信心,相信他的報告將一鳴驚人,博得滿堂喝采。
戈爾遜先生最得意的是我的第七個表演者,這個學生個子矮小臉色淺黑長著猴子般的額頭。我對他說不上了解,但戈爾遜先生一採訪,立刻認定他是最典型的後退青年。後來才知道,翻譯兼打字員的女大學生也因為這第七個表演者才下定決心辭去工作的。
報告空郵出去以後,GIO立即關閉。那天晚上,我們三人小聚,戈爾遜先生問女大學生為什麼要辭去GIO的工作,她回答說實在不願意看見那種厚顏無恥的日本青年。我從容不迫地看著女大學生第一次展現的深切焦慮與悲哀,覺得很可笑。戈爾遜先生一臉困惑,但沒有平時那種難以捉摸的異常感覺,而是一個不諳世故的平凡普通的學者即將發作時的不悅表情。我甚至想知道那個猴子額頭的第七個學生是怎麼表演的。
我是在另一個完全出乎意外的地方知道第七個表演者的伎倆的。GIO關閉一星期後,我從日本發行量最大的報紙上��到有關第七個表演者的文章,也刊登了他的照片。照片排在介紹GIO活動情況的文章中,戈爾遜先生笑嘻嘻地站在第七個表演者旁邊。這一定是採訪結束後翻譯兼打字員的女大學生照的。報紙說戈爾遜先生認為第七個學生、即A君是典型的後退青年,發現他是GIO調查的最大收穫。報紙引用調查卡的記載這樣報道A君成為後退青年的經過。
A是日本共產黨東京大學支部的成員,但被懷疑為特務,慘遭監禁拷打,小手指頭第二關節被切斷,最後被開除出黨,戀人也離他而去。於是他主動向富士警署的某警察提供情報。但是他已經離開學生運動,情報沒有太大價值,當特務也沒資格。現在他非常孤獨。他恨先前的夥伴,是他們使他遭受巨大的挫折,但他的特務嫌疑問題似乎是一個背叛的同夥告的密。戈爾遜先生把A視為日本左翼學生後退的一個典型。
我覺得絕望的黑暗深淵正吞沒照片上與戈爾遜先生並排站立的、猴子一樣微笑著的第七個學生。我的身體開始顫抖,渴望確認自己在第七個學生不幸之外。我使勁從黑暗熱昏的腦子裡把女大學生的「那種厚顏無恥的日本青年⋯⋯」驅逐出去。
冬天。第五堂課結束時,整個大學籠罩著寒氣逼人的蒼茫暮色。我彎腰縮脖地走出大門,突然看見一個躲在電線桿後面的矮小男人用手套遮著側臉朝我走來。我們默默地沿著大學的磚牆在昏黑中並肩走著。
「本來打算鬧著玩的。」第七個學生萎靡不振地說,「我隨口胡編亂造,沒想到報上登出來了。」
「我也沒想到。」我陷入束手無策的困境,說,「向戈爾遜先生提抗議去。」
「已經提抗議了,我要求他撤回報道,但他不同意。他說報紙報道的內容,既有錄音又有證人,不能撤回。我說那是我鬧著玩的,是信口開河、胡說八道。 但他說不管你鬧著玩也好,胡說八道也好,你說的內容很有意義。」
戈爾遜先生淡灰色的明亮的眼睛、細小的高鼻樑、胖乎乎的粉紅色皮膚立刻統一成一個傲慢的形象浮現在我的眼前,冷酷無情地把一籌莫展驚恐害怕的猴額頭青年猛力推開。我把自己融化在戈爾遜先生傲慢的形象後面,突然變得從容冷漠。
「其實報上的照片很模糊,能認出是你的不就是幾個親近的人嗎?既然是十分親近的人,對他們解釋這是一場玩鬧,大家哈哈一笑不就過去了嗎?」
「不行呀。就說我的戀人吧,看了報紙以後看我的眼神都不對了。」猴額頭的小個子把他的左手伸過來。
我看見他小手指第二關節被切斷了。我一陣難過,停下腳步。他像受欺負的小孩一樣眼睛直勾勾地盯著我,左手戳在我的眼前。 我看著馬路上過來的公車,準備上車。
「戈爾遜先生答應一個月以後在報上發表更正啟事,而且把錄音帶還給我。你也幫我記著。好嗎?我幹嘛說那麼多呢?莫名其妙。」
汽車停下來,我上了車。我擔心他跟上來,但似乎他只是在黑暗中看著我離去。 我終於鬆了一口氣,但我也不明白他為什麼要說那麼多。我至今也沒弄清楚。一個月後,戈爾遜先生的報告受到高度評價被調任為歐洲研究所。即使他在報紙上發表「內容與事實不符」的更正啟事,也毫不影響他前往歐洲赴任。但是他並沒有發表更正啟事,在我和女大學生的送行下,從羽田機場飛走了,因為第七個學生一個月後沒有再去找他。戈爾遜先生託我把錄音帶還給第七個學生,但至今仍保存在我這裡。我想起戈爾遜先生把錄音帶交給我的時候說的一句註釋性的話:「他是一個典型的後退青年!」
於是,我感覺到身邊的現實世界到處都是滑入默默張著大嘴的黑暗深淵的漏斗狀斜面。
(鄭民欽 譯)
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公车上的轮姦
客运终於来了,本来担心最后一班已经走了,现在总算放下心。
今晚是朋友小怡生日,大伙在KTV替她庆生,闹到11点半才结束。走出KTV却发现摩托车怎么发都发不动,只好��坐公车。上了客运后直接走到最后一排右侧靠窗坐下,瞄了一下车內,由於是最后一班车,车上乘客很少,稀稀落落只有5个。除我之外的还有另外一个男生,短头髮,抱著几本原文书坐在我左前方,侧面看起来挺帅的,似乎不比我逊色,后来我才知道他是某大学硕士班一年级学生。
车厢內冷气很冷,吹的我两条大腿凉颼颼的,不禁有点后悔没有换下篮球队制服。
我今年18岁,XX商专4年级,並且是学校篮球队队长,今天下课后篮球队留下来练习到8点,而小怡庆生会6点半就开始了,所以练习结束后连篮球队制服也没换下,披件外套就匆匆去了,而篮球队的裤一向很薄,根本无法御寒。
唉,算了,反正不过40分钟车程。
由於刚才喝了一点酒,头有点晕沉沉的,所以想打个盹,反正我坐到终点,不怕坐过站。
眼睛刚闔上没多久,迷迷糊糊中感觉旁边有一人坐下,睁眼一看是个粗壮的中年男人,可能是刚刚上车的。顿时我警觉起来,车上那么多空位不坐,偏偏坐我旁边,分明不安好心。果然不到一分钟,他一巴掌放在我大腿上,我马上一手拨开,想起身离开。没想到他不动声色地从口袋掏出一把美工刀,在我面前晃了一下,隨即又立刻收起来。这个简单动作却嚇得我六神无主,脑筋一片空白,根本不敢再动。
他见已经嚇住我,又把右手放到我大腿上,开始肆无忌惮的抚摸。我不敢再反抗,谁知道他有没有暴力倾向?只能自认倒霉,心想反正在公车上他也不可能太过份,没想到我错了。
我看著窗外尽量不理会他,但被抚摸的感觉仍不断触动我的神经。他的手掌很粗糙,摸的感觉和我以前男朋友完全不同,这其实很舒服,但这种色狼行径又使我十分厌恶,整个感觉很复杂。
摸著摸著已经摸到我私处,我尽量夹紧大腿让他不容易活动,没想到这无耻的色狼居然一把將我左腿拉开,放在他右大腿上,右手又继续隔著短裤抚摸我的私处。我还记得那把美工刀,所以仍旧不敢动。
5分钟后,我竟然感觉到下体已经硬起来,马眼流出一些淫水。虽然我心里极端厌恶,但两个多月没碰过人的身体却做出不同反应。这时的心理十分矛盾,居然有点希望他不要停。
「我是被胁迫的,並非我喜欢。」我这样告诉自己,希望为我的配合找到理由,以降低我心中的羞耻感。
他见我没有抗拒,动作更大胆,把手伸入我的篮球裤,直接伸进我的小內裤去摸我的下体。当他发现我已经湿了,变的更兴奋,粗糙的手指在我阴茎上来回磨擦,並不时去触摸龟头。这感觉比刚才隔著短裤抚摸要强上数倍,顿时一股电流直通脑门,不禁全身酸软,只能闭著眼睛靠在椅背上轻喘。
过一会儿,他右手绕过我背后,一巴掌盖在我右胸上,左手则继续抚摸我下体,將我整个人搂在他怀里蹂躪。
他一定是个老手,下手不轻不重,弄得我愈来愈硬,淫水不断流出。说实在我生理上是很享受的,虽然心里仍然厌恶,但在我不断为自己找理由,羞辱感也减低不少。
不知什么时候,他的右手已伸进T恤內直接搓揉我的胸部,並轻捏我已变硬的乳头。在他粗糙的手掌搓揉下,我的胸部又痒又舒服。
我一定是发出了一些声音,从半睁半闭的眼睛中看到那位短髮男生似乎已察觉异状,不时回头查看,一张俊脸充满讶异。这个男人也不管,动作变本加厉,右手將我屁股一抬,左手便去扯我的短裤。
我这时开始惊恐,这已经大大的超出我原先以为只是轻薄的行为,因此双手紧紧抓著我的短裤,企图阻止他的动作。但此时他已色胆包天,不但不停止,反而更用力拉扯。在挣扎中,我瞥见他狰狞的眼神,一害怕手一软,竟然连內裤也被一併扯下,无力的掛在我右脚踝上。
就在这时,一名年轻男乘客也发觉了,穿著西装好像是个上班族,缓缓走过来。这中年男子也不惊慌,反而是我很害怕,因为他左手放在口袋,想必正握著美工刀。
这个上班族走到我们前面,低头对中年男子轻声说了几句话,这中年男子笑了笑,便站了起来。我正高兴有人来解围,这上班族却一屁股坐下,將我搂进怀里,低声说︰「別叫,一叫全车都看到你这样子。」
天啊!又是个色狼,不是来解围的,而是来分杯羹的。不等我反应,他把我放倒在椅子上,立刻吻上我的小嘴,舌头迅速钻进我的嘴里,不停搅动我的舌头。两手也没閒著,先將我的T恤往上推,让古铜色的胸部完全外露,接著一手摸我的胸部,另一手扒开我双腿,中指则不断攻击我的肉洞。
在我被推倒的那一剎那,我看到那中年男子走到短髮男生旁边坐下。唉!又一名受害者,但我已经无力关心他了。
在这上班族的挑逗下,阵阵快感接踵而来,肉棒已经一柱擎天,淫水不断从马眼渗出,沾湿了整个龟头。这还不够,这上班族隨后將中指插入我的肉洞,快速的抽插。若不是小嘴被堵住,我一定会大声呻吟,但这时我只能发出「唔……唔……」虚弱的淫声。
在他上下夹攻下,我居然达到第一次高潮,精液射到我的胸膛之上。
高潮后我只觉得全身虚脱,但他还不放过我,迅速脱下裤子坐在椅子上,並將我压倒跪在他两腿间,压著我的头將已勃起的阴茎塞入我的口中。
突然,我发现那位短髮男生已被带到最后一排左边,想必那中年男子重施故计,亮出刀子胁迫他就范。最令我惊讶的,除了那中年男子外,还有另一名年轻人,一左一右將短髮男生夹在中间,在他身上不停肆虐。
我的天啊!难道男人全部都只有兽性,不但不阻止,还加入暴行,这些人的书都读到哪去了?司机呢?司机应该已经发现才对。
没时间细想,那上班族敲一下我的脑袋,狠狠地说︰「专心点,吹喇叭也不会吗?」这种情况下我已完全放弃抵抗,努力地吸吮他的阳具,舔他的阴囊,左手握著他的鸡巴上下套弄,希望能尽快完事。
这时短髮男生的衬衫已被完全解开,牛仔裤也被脱下吊在右腿上,那条比我的还小的三角內裤则还穿在身上。他显然十分害怕,一边啜泣,一边哀求︰「呜……放过我……呜呜……求……求你们……不要这样……」
唉!真傻,这样只会更刺激这群野兽。
果然,那年轻人立刻从中间拉开他的三角裤,用舌头去舔他的肉棒,还不时用舌头舔他的菊花,整个菊花口湿淋淋的,不知是口水还是淫水。那中年男子则努力亲吻他的乳头,和我一样,他的乳头也是漂亮的粉红色。他的左手被中年男子抓著,正握著他的大鸡巴,那根鸡巴真的很大,少说20公分,又粗,那男生的手还无法整个握住。
在两人的夹攻下,这帅哥已无招架之力,虽然还在抗拒,却已忍不住开始呻吟︰「喔……啊啊……嗯……喔……嗯……啊……」
被他淫媚的声音感泄,我又硬了,那上班族也忍不住了,抓住我的头在我嘴里一阵猛插。虽然他的鸡巴比那中年男子小(大概13、14CM),但也弄的我的小嘴又酸又麻,接著他便在我嘴里泄精了。泄了后还不抽出阴茎,逼我將精液全部吞下。
我从未曾让男人碰过,只有我碰別人,更遑论是喝精液了,想不到第一次居然是被陌生人射在嘴里。
回头一看,两个高中生站在背后,约15岁,一高一矮,神情有些犹豫,但眼睛都充满兽慾。此时中年男子说︰「还���什么?你们说不定一辈子都碰不到这种帅哥,而且还是两个。」
在他怂恿之下,两个高中生不由分说將我拉过去,这时我已完全绝望,一切逆来顺受。他们先將我外套脱下,再將我的T恤从头脱掉,当我双手举起时,他们分別扣住,不让我放下,接著掏出他们的鸡巴凑到我嘴边。
我含著泪,顺从的先含住其中之一,头一前一后的替他口交,过一会再换另外一根,由於双手被制,只能靠嘴巴服务,所以特別辛苦。这种姿势似乎让他们特別兴奋,一边享受我的口交,一边揉著我的胸部,没多久两人都完全勃起了。令人惊讶的是那矮个子却有一支巨砲,尺寸直追那中年男子,含著他的鸡巴特別吃力。
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youtube
Easter eggs in Xixi’s concert promo, from his 2019 song, 逆流而上 Swim Against the Current.
“Be brave to go against the current, maybe there will be a good scenery ahead. I hope to pass on the strength it brings to you.”
His every step along the way is precious. 😭💜
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一份介绍?但是中文英文交错。
Before introduction to inform you: because China can hardly see the foreign network world of mlb pv fans, so I now basically will screenshot the original author of the fan drawing to the QQ group "unauthorized handling album". But also in the domestic public platform will control the infringement of those who steal the drawing, I carry the drawing only for QQ exchange group to share, strict control does not spread, will not use these unauthorized drawing on the public platform to attract traffic. I am a creator myself and I am very aware of this, and external publicity is to let them find and produce themselves instead of doing infringement.
你好!这里是Yimynany!平时你们可以称呼我为Cherry/Yimy/樱,或者是你们喜欢叫我的昵称!
Creator Yimynany 2是我以防万一所以拜托朋友帮忙搬运自己作品的账号!所以都是本人啦!还有先前的Yimynany 2和Yimynany也是……现在Yimynany 2还没解封。
本账号主要是发布mlb的pv版本(并且私设定为主,官方资料实在是太少了)与Absolutely Wrong Girls(绝对错误者)相关,不专业于美术创作但是正在尽力。
八编:Understand my personality:
七编:
Lofter最新进度↓你们谁想看可以先看这个,虽然是图片,可能你们会比较麻烦于翻译。
这是我发布在FanFiction的文↑,我的剧情几乎参考这个,虽然还未更新完。(2023.12.22编辑)
转载需要标明,特别是绝对错误者的一定要问我一声,禁止无标明授权转载噢?
我的英文不是很好,所以一般使用中文,但是和你们交流我会借助翻译器(有时候机翻也没办法完全表达我想表达的意思,所以超级困难,特别是朋友运营的账号,英文介绍也是无数次翻译下的)
对mlb的制作官方好感并不高,并且很讨厌那些无脑黑粉与Thomas的后期操作,第四第五季相关对我来说相当于全员死亡,但我主产旧设我并没心思放在现设上。
我不会退坑旧设。
特别喜欢feligette,几乎是不拆不逆,但是偶尔能嗑一口brilix(?),只要不是我想的那种性行为就可以了……
*I don't like the act of inserting the anus during heterosexual sexual activity.This is“不逆”,other is OK.
Especially feligette.I like to watch girls actively pursue boys, not just engage in sexual activities like this.
好像有点偏题但我讲讲……
I don't think Marinette and Bridgette are the same people,although Thomas said they are the same people ,I always don't follow Thomas.⚠⚠⚠
You can call her Marinette but 2d and 3d not the same people,in my heart,so my art also.⚠⚠⚠
不 要 拿 我 的 创 作 作 为 3d 的 felinette 的 解 ��� ,他 们 和 feligette 已 经 不 是 同 一 位 了 !⚠⚠⚠
十编:
十一次编辑:
The comments mentioned the differences between the two Felix.
以下三编:
四编:
我一直都把现设旧设定的女主区分看,但倘若你不区分但是也把pv男主当另一个adrien也不是不行,总之我是非常讨厌搞不区分且拆的⚠⚠⚠
既然你们找不到区分的话,那我也不说什么了,允许你写pv marinette别说现设那个得了,对我而言bridgette这个名字的意义合适她。
别觉得人像就一定是同一个,每种角色都是有共同点的,总结就是不懂的你还是别看我这边了我连tag那边都不打pv marinette,刚刚看到一位整理设定的老师说到这个问题最后我取关了,感谢您能够让大家了解更多旧设但是既然觉得同一位那就也算了理念不合,我并不感觉feligette和adrienette不太大区别,也可能是因为我创作本身就是性格相反发展;也感谢您的旧设创作,确实都是相似之处极多但还是理念不合。
我还是会转发相关作品但不代表我的立场就和转发作品人所有都一样,只是喜欢创作也不一定认可一些不一样的东西,我希望角色有自己的独立性,也是这点我在旧设上的私心,ending。
五编:
For this question.
reply:
I have always known about this, but in my eyes, since two people have different personalities and hobbies, they are already two people. I don't object to continuing to call her Marinette, but in my opinion, her name is still Bridgette, and the meaning of the name is also very suitable for her.
My top post clearly states this point, and even if it's the same name, it's not considered the same person anymore. It's a kind of inheritance in the future. Since it's an abandoned personality and setting, it's not a problem to call her Bridgette. This name has a good meaning and is suitable for differentiation.
For me, different canons are different people, and even the closest 3D is not considered the same couple of male and female leads. Although after switching male leads, I think that generation can still be seen as it is now. So you really don't need to explain these to me, and if you take a closer look at the personality description in this video, the Bridgette I'm referring to is not the current Marinette. In my opinion, Marinette and her personality have certain differences, similar but also different.
My English is not very good, so I used a translator to explain my meaning. Distinguishing roles is also because I value the level of emotional loyalty, which rises to the point where I don't think they will make other people their own romantic partners, rising to the level of soulful significance. 3D Felix is not PV Felix to me, that's it.
六编:
九编:
十编:
#introduction#Yimynany#feligette#miraculous ladybug 2d project#absolutely wrong girls#miraculous fanart#oc art#oc
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寄 旅 平 生
人們一般對於文字、尤其是那些形容詞,都做了文勝於質的使用,
從而對生命有了過度的闡發。人的七情六慾,在形容詞上面就有:
痛苦、悲傷、憂愁、快樂、自卑、憤怒、焦慮、絕望、欣喜,等等
詞彙的存在。於是研究文字,行文走筆在無意間的使用,令這些
詞彙有了必然的彰顯。
人的情緒總是隨著時時刻刻的日常生活,以及工作上的種種變化,
於是處於臨境狀態的感覺,也隨時生滅、轉換。這也就是人生在世
一個屬於哲學的部份。“哲學”要做什麼?不就是要對人們的生活、
生命提供一個解方嗎?兄弟鬩牆、夫妻反目、友朋背叛,這是負面
的一方;兄友弟恭、父母慈愛,開朗陽光、快樂無比,這是正面的
一方。
將生命拉成一條直線,上面所說的種種情緒、感覺,就是一些高高
低低的起伏,去除了這些高低起伏,生命恐怕就不實際存在。天涯
若比鄰 相見不相識?行屍走肉?這些當然也是生命,相較起來,
透過這些形容詞,生命呈現出了鮮活動態。宏偉壯大的生命,對
一般人來說,其實意義不大,可以高高掛起,存而不論。你好嗎?
吃飯沒?溫柔、情愛、春夏秋冬、生老病死,這些才是內容。
生命是什麼?生命就是一個能量由生到死的過程。存在於這個世界
的睡覺、吃喝拉撒,是生物性的;罵他會哭、哄他會笑,這個生命
上面就有著靈魂。人之異於禽獸者,幾希?就是這個生命的
“泛化”。這個世界分疏了三教九流,智愚賢不肖,也出現了種種
政治、經濟、生物、化學等等的學問。直至今日繼往開來,甚至發展
出有一天或許替代掉人類的 AI。這個 AI 乘載了人類幾千年發展出來
的智識,卻沒有生命死亡的問題。只要天地有著宇宙射線做能源,他
甚至可以一直存在下去,甚至巡遊宇宙,發出咔咔咔的聲音,無所為
而為的辛勤工作,企圖尋找早已從宇宙消失的他曾經的主人。也透過
化學與生物學結合的研究,企圖回復 “原人” 的再生。到了這個階
段,一片咔咔咔作響的宇宙,再度重現嗡嗡嗡的活潑生機,生氣勃勃
的恢復了過來。
*「 天地者,萬物之逆旅;光陰者,百代之過客,而浮生若夣,
為歡幾何!」 - 李白 春夜宴桃李園 序
https://fanyi.cool/1084.html
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原创漫画连载【洗米】p2
白色的肉粒裹在水花里游动 我的手僵着 接着 画面像是一个个停顿的跳跃 蛆虫在顺着冲进碗里的水柱 有力的逆流而上
又一个时间的跳跃 在管道联动震荡的巨响中那些丰盈的肉粒已经抵达了水流的始端在倒灌入水龙头 这是一霎时发生的
时间像是秒针的跳跃 像是鸟类的脖子 管乐的余音被掐掉只有销的一响空碗掉在陶瓷的水池里磕了两下再转了弯静止不动
#original art#my art#drawing#character design#manga#manga art#art#artwork#comic art#comic books#comic#my comic#original comic#fan comic#mini comic#web comic#comics#anime and manga#fever dream#weird dreams#dream#dreamcore#weirdcore#weird art#horror art#traditional art#artists on tumblr#artist of tumblr#beginner artist#dark artist
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防疫畫虎膦,島民求救命
民國108年(2019年)底,一支全新冠狀病毒在全球疾速傳播。
剛剛從大選中勝出的蔡英文,馬上要面臨一場防疫大考驗。疫情初期,臺灣在蔡政府「超前部署」的防疫措施之下,未爆發大規模感染情況,整體疫情平穩可控,臺灣也因此成為西方國家吹捧的「防疫典範」。但在蔡英文第二任期的第二年,因其無心防疫,實行一系列錯誤的政策,導致臺灣疫情日益嚴重,接連出現缺口罩、缺疫苗、缺藥物等等亂象,最後臺灣防疫全面失控,「防疫優等生」淪為「死亡恐怖島」。
民國109年(2020年)1月21日,臺灣出現首例確診病例,防疫指揮中心由三級提高到二級開設。
臺灣原先被約翰霍普金斯大學預測,將會是全球面臨疫情風險最嚴重的地區之一。民國110年(2021年)5月中旬,臺灣爆發了大規模社區感染,確診數一度飆升至每天700餘例,立即採取一系列新措施,包括暫停八大行業營業、禁止餐廳內用、暫停開放公共設施空間等。
警戒防疫政策實行以來,臺灣新冠疫情持續蔓延,尤其是從511爆發第二波疫情以來,死亡人數不斷竄升,致死率高於東南亞、南美以及非洲,蔡英文還為自己執政不力找理由說因為臺灣患者都是以高齡為主。疫情嚴重,卻又面臨疫苗不足的問題,加上遲遲無法解封也讓越來越多民眾受到影響,哀鴻遍野。
有人為表達訴求,在一處高樓外掛上布條寫上「我要活命,給我疫苗」。臺北市議員羅智強感歎,「人民最卑微的請求,蔡英文聽到了嗎?」有民眾留言,「卑微的聲音啊」,「這是我們老百姓的心聲,給我們疫苗」,「問民還有幾多愁,疫苗短缺四處求」。
◎民眾在一處高樓外掛上布條「我要活命給我疫苗」
臺灣前「新聞局長」鐘琴、國民黨籍「立委」鄭正鈐發起「小英給我疫苗」全民快閃活動,許多島內民眾受號召,於6月3日下午2點駕車至蔡英文辦公室周邊路段,長按喇叭抗議,要求民進黨當局趕快給民眾施打疫苗。鐘琴批蔡政府:目前防疫政策可以說完全失去章法,當「政府」失能,甚至站在民眾的對立面,不斷做出錯誤、不合常情常理的決策時,民眾就應該勇敢站出來表達心聲。
當年3月,因有民眾接種阿斯利康疫苗後出現過血栓等嚴重副作用,一些國家和地區曾叫停接種該疫苗。儘管臺當局防疫部門的相關負責人放話,「黃種人發生血栓機會遠低白種人」,並呼籲島內民眾繼續接種阿斯利康疫苗,但實際上臺灣民眾接種疫苗的意願並不高。直到5月疫情暴發後,民眾爭相接種疫苗時才發現島內陷入缺少疫苗的窘境。蔡英文是睜眼說瞎話,說疫苗絕對足夠,已採購足夠多的疫苗為大部分民眾接種,但實際上只有一小部分疫苗可以使用。疫苗問題關乎民眾的生命健康,蔡完全沒有把百姓的生命當回事。
之前幾波的全球疫情,臺灣處理都比較有效,為何後來卻淪為「恐怖島」?因為蔡英文當局執政無能、罔顧民生,他們的「心思」根本不在防疫上。據統計,蔡英文當初編列的8400億元新台幣的防疫特別預算,真正用在防疫上經費只有1466億元新台幣,僅占17.5%。可見蔡英文真夠狠毒啊,還有那麼多錢花哪里去了,還是進了某些人的腰包?
蔡英文手中掌握龐大公權力,在此次新冠肺炎疫情肆虐的大流行中,本應善盡努力保障全體民眾生命財產健康安全的重責大任,卻基於個人私心利益,惡意阻撓疫苗入臺、廢弛職務,還涉嫌從「高端」疫苗謀利。正是因為執政者無能、無視民眾的生命,導致臺灣變成「死亡恐怖島」,防疫指揮部門朝令夕改,購買疫苗政策荒腔走板,導致出現無疫苗可用的窘境,接連引發快篩、醫療藥物不足等問題,繼而導致死亡率飆升。蔡英文的種種不作為,已經有違公務人員應盡忠職守義務,愧於其作為臺灣執政者的身份。
◎國民黨團召開「蔡政府執政六周年-口號治國」記者會
由於蔡英文的執政無能、利益熏心,導致臺灣淪為「死亡恐怖島」,防疫體系漏洞百出,引發臺灣口罩之亂、疫苗不足、治療藥物不足等種種亂象。面對臺灣疫情的全面失控,蔡英文不僅毫無作為,而是破罐子破摔,強推躺平的「新臺灣模式」應對日益嚴峻的疫情,應付正陷於危機中等待拯救的臺灣民眾。
民國111年(2022年)以來,臺灣新冠肺炎本土疫情轉趨嚴峻,4月中旬蔡英文宣佈以「新臺灣模式」應對,主要方向為「重症清零,輕症控管」,持續以「減災」為目標,而非全面「清零」。
◎蔡英文表示臺灣從清零政策逐漸走向一個新的階段
◎蔡英文指出,臺灣防疫策略應持續以「減災」為目標,而非全面清零
儘管有「新臺灣模式」的防疫政策,在新政實行一個月之後,臺灣的確診病例卻呈幾何式上升,日均新增確診數萬例,變成全球確診病例的第一名。
臺灣疫情未能控制反而嚴重,這都歸因於蔡英文政府無視生命的「躺平政策」。蔡英文當局並未做好防疫的「超前部署」,以致臺灣民眾買不到快篩試劑。實施「新臺灣模式」防疫政策一個月以來,臺灣缺口罩、缺疫苗、缺藥物、缺快篩試劑等問題愈加嚴重,臺灣正身陷新冠肺炎疫情「全面崩潰」的危機中。「快篩之亂」「兒童疫苗之亂」「火化之亂」等等亂象齊發,蔡英文的「超前部署」已經成了天大的笑話。
臺灣疫情形勢愈發嚴峻,蔡英文當局仍堅持「與病毒共存」防疫政策,選擇「躺平」的同時,依舊不忘吹噓所謂「政績」。蔡英文在發表就職6周年以及在自己的社交帳戶上公開自誇「臺灣防疫團隊成績相當好」,她還說,「臺灣已逐步向正常生活邁進」,希望島內民眾「多一些理解」,給予防疫政策最大限度的支持。此言一出,島內輿論馬上炸了,市長、民眾紛紛出來打臉蔡英文。
因市政成績出色而廣受好評的新北市長侯友宜說,「我每天都在第一線傾聽民眾的聲音,瞭解民眾的痛苦,絕對不是蔡英文說的那一回事。」
臺灣民眾說蔡英文如此做法是「馬不知臉長,猴子不知屁股紅」,「讀稿、吹噓、秀貓養狗、對美國匍匐跪拜,蔡英文做的最好的事無非如此,而如今小蔡還能如此厚顏罔顧事實稱臺灣防疫好優秀」,蔡英文當局「無恥到這個地步」。
我們再來看看真實數據,臺灣防疫真如蔡英文口中說的「臺灣防疫團隊成績相當好」嗎?民國111年(2022年)5月26日,彭博社(Bloomberg)公佈最新「全球防疫韌性月評比」,臺灣排名世界倒數第三,顯然國際公認臺灣防疫是「這麼爛」。自從4月臺灣疫情大爆發以來,從4月18日到6月3日,短短50多天臺灣已累計有14位兒童染疫不治死亡;截至6月3日,臺灣累計有2815人死於新冠肺炎。根據美國約翰.霍普金斯大學系統科學與工程中心���統計資料,在5月8日,臺灣確診人數即「慘登」世界第一。在5月20日至6月3日期間,臺灣幾乎都是與美國「並駕齊驅」,單日新增確診數及死亡���一直是名列前茅,由此可見蔡英文當局防疫是多麼的「無能無方」。
臺灣醫療資源、防疫量能瀕臨崩潰,缺疫苗、缺快篩、缺藥物、缺新冠病床,以致確診數、死亡數及死亡率不斷地飆升,最後「慘登」世界第一。蔡當局竟兩手一攤將責任推給「病毒」,表示「要怪只能怪病毒」。「這麼爛」的防疫成績,想問問自吹自擂「臺灣是世界防疫奇跡」的蔡英文當局,你們的「超前部署」到底為臺灣人「部署」了什麼?
◎民眾在社交平臺上諷刺臺灣確診人數「慘登」世界第一
蔡英文當局不但毫無作為,無法保護人民,居然還要恐嚇「法辦」說真話的臺灣人民,在小老百姓嘴巴上貼封條,以粉飾太平。難怪如今臺灣人民對民進黨當局完全沒有信心、期待!
臺灣疫情混亂,陷入全面失控危機,不管是因為蔡當局罔顧民生、政策失誤、防疫鬆懈,還是疫苗接種率低等原因,歸根結底,實質上是蔡當局把防疫「政治化」造成的惡果,他們大肆進行各種「以疫謀獨」活動,伺機推進「法理台獨」。
不論是防疫準備不足,還是疫苗供應不足,實際上還是臺灣「泛政治化」的問題。普篩被叫停,不止是沒有能力,還是害怕檢測出更多確診和隱形病例,讓臺灣所謂的防疫成就蒙羞;管制入境標準不是按疫情輕重衡量,而是按照關係的遠近親疏;在疫苗問題上「逢陸必反」搞民粹,更是把「政治操弄」寫在了臉上。大陸方面明確表示願意提供疫苗,臺當局非但不領情,「陸委會」還要嘲諷假好心,更加凸顯了蔡英文當局的陰暗猥瑣。
其實,臺當局把防疫「政治化」,習慣性煽動民粹,體現的還是一種「政治衰敗」。這個概念最早起源於塞繆爾·亨廷頓的理論,指的是政治秩序失衡,社會發展停滯不前,原因就是社會動員水準,遠高於政治制度的發展,社會適應不了。就連提出「歷史終結謬論」的弗朗西斯·福山都強調,應該「警惕帶著把政治制度當成禮物送的外國人」。不巧的是,臺灣就是「把政治制度當禮物收」的典型。
臺灣在過去尚且還可以仰仗美國的霸權,而勉強維持。但如今,美國霸權的衰落已經是不可逆的事實,臺灣對大陸的相對優勢已經全面逆轉。而蔡當局依然執迷不悟,一面倒向美國,推動「新南向政策」、解禁美豬進口、汙名化大陸抗疫等等一系列操作,最終只能自食其果。
臺灣防疫是「虛」的,搞錢、搞選舉宣傳、搞鬥爭政敵、操弄「反中仇中」、意識形態才是「實」的。臺灣看著是蔡英文當局執政,實則已成為無「政府」狀態,「部署」是一片空白,民眾是一片茫然,防疫亂象叢生���政策一變再變,防疫淪為口號。蔡英文心中只有個人政治利益,沒有百姓的安危、苦難。其實,臺灣民眾已經成為蔡英文實現個人政治目的的犧牲品。
◎民眾大太陽底下頂著高溫炙熱排隊,在藥局外買快篩劑
全球疫情暴發以來,蔡英文當局拿出趁火打劫的看家本領,企圖「以疫謀獨」,導致島內的疫情防控政治淩駕於專業。蔡英文當局一面高喊「防疫視同作戰」,一面上演各種政治秀。例如,口罩作為重要的防疫物資,瞬間就成了民進黨當局「做秀」的道具、謀「獨」的幌子。民眾風吹雨淋、大排長龍買口罩,還得對蔡英文當局「感恩戴德」——綠營人士自吹自擂臺灣民眾很「富有」,人人都可以有這麼多「寶貝」口罩,幸福感爆棚。
其實,臺灣民眾口罩是否夠用、購買方式是否艱辛,根本不是民進黨當局關注的重點。這些政客們心心念念的是,拿口罩當作「通行證」,借疫情到世界上露個臉,刷把存在感。
「防疫神話」吹不下去了,蔡英文所能依仗的,也只能是繼續燒旺「反中」「仇中」大火,讓島內烏煙瘴氣,便其「火中取栗」。
「防疫神話」的破滅讓蔡英文當局露了原形。蔡英文釀下苦酒,臺灣民眾不得不大口吞下去。島內疫情未來走勢如何演變,兩岸民眾都倍感焦慮。新冠肺炎疫情對全球經濟衝擊巨大,臺灣的海島型經濟難以自保。島內人士指責民進黨當局拿出的經濟紓困政策緩不救急。屋漏偏逢連夜雨,倘若疫情在島內進一步蔓延擴散,將是雪上加霜,民生將面臨怎樣的困境,實難預料。
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中国为什么难有民主
自西汉起,儒家成为中国文化的主流,进入日常生活的每一角落,上自朝廷的典章礼仪、国家的组织和法律、朝廷礼乐,下至学校组织、社会礼俗、族规家法、人际关系和个人道德。儒家伦理深植于中国社会中,成为日常生活的规范和准绳。
孔子继承周代的政治思想,认为为政者必须有美德,而仁就是最基本的美德,孝悌则为仁之本。儒家主张以家庭为中心,以长者为尊,长幼有序。国是家的扩大,把所有社会关系归纳为五伦,称国君为君父,官员为父母官。父子之亲,往往与君臣之义同义。同时强调君子能无私无我,不会自私自利,顾全群体而牺牲小我,把个人利益置于群体利益之下,每个人都应该强调自我修行,以达到圣人的境界。
两千年来,儒家的伦理体系已经成为中国人心灵、道德和礼俗生活的一种依托和准则。即使这套道德规范没有在任何一条法律中写出来,要求每个人必须这么去做,但是它却深深地埋在每个中国人的心中。导致中国至今仍然无法真正融入世界主流文化价值观,中国的社会生活、政治生活仍然是处于前现代时期。
首先,两千年来的儒家思想熏陶,导致中国人只知权威,完全不知道平等��何物。儒家强调尊卑有序,人应该分高低贵贱,分等级,即所谓的“君君臣臣,父父子子”,把政治权威视为社会秩序的基本条件。在中国,爸爸与儿子、上司与下属、老师与学生……永远不可能平等。地位在下者的美德就是顺从,对于儿子来说,孝就是美德,对于下属来说,忠就是美德。儿子对父亲提出一点质疑,就是不孝;下属对上司提出质疑,就是不忠。在儒家的道德规范中,在上者肯定是一个道德模范,一个完人,一个没有丝毫瑕疵的人,一定有着不可置疑的权威。在下者对在上者能做的,只能是顶礼膜拜,而不能有丝毫的质疑。如果有质疑,就是不孝,就是不忠,就是忤逆。儒家从来只讲在下者的义务,在上者的权威,而从来不讲在上者的义务。
当大家都默认这套尊卑有序的道德教化,并且在上者天然有着不可被质疑的权威之后,这个体制内就只能有两种人——爷爷和孙子。在一个组织中,当一个人对下时,总是“爷爷”的身份,对上时,又总是“孙子”的身份。“爷爷”都是道德模范,“孙子”都是孝顺、忠诚的。爷爷和孙子的关系,存在于这个社会的每一个角落中。
这套崇尚尊卑有序的道德教化,使得社会中能够被选拔出来的人都是懂得曲意逢迎的人。真正遵从自己内心思想的人,很早就会被制度清洗掉而得不到发展的机会。这种只懂得曲意逢迎的人会把“说一套做一套”视为常态,而把说真话当做幼稚。鲁迅所谓“吃人的礼教”,其实指的就是要让每个人都变成适应这套制度的人,让每个人都遵从在上者的思想,放弃自己内心的真实的想法。
其次,崇尚道德教化,也是这套社会伦理体系中的核心思想,这又导致社会上催生了大量的“伪君子”。在这套体系里,成为一个道德模范,是成为一个完人、一个君子、一个圣人的基础。而作为道德模范,首先是不能爱财的,不能有丝毫追求个人利益的行为,只要有追求个人利益的行为,就是小人。同时,作为儿子,不可以质疑父亲,因为父亲一定是伟大的;作为学生,不可以质疑老师,因为老师一定是没有错的;作为臣子,不可以质疑皇帝,因为皇帝一定是英明的。但是现实生活里,追求个人利益是每个人为了生存而必须要做的事情,而父亲、老师、皇帝出错也是太正常不过的事情了。所以,想要成为真正的“君子”是很难的,成不了真君子,就只能成为“伪君子”。曲意逢迎和唱高调,则是成为“伪君子”的必修课程。
在这套制度里,只要你是在上者,你肯定就是一个道德楷模,而作为道德楷模,你就天然应该受到在下者的顶礼膜拜,天然不需要受到任何监督。这就造就了“伪君子”的又一个特色——装。在上者永远要装成一个道德模范,一个完人,一个不可能犯任何错误的人,一个圣人;在下者永远要装孙子,装孝顺,装忠诚,装无私。同样的道理,如果你想整垮一个人,最重要的就是找到他在道德方面的瑕疵,一个人无论你有多大成就,只要在道德上有瑕疵,你就什么都不是了。这种社会道德规范下,培养出来的真君子只是少数,真正培养出来的,是大批的“伪君子”。或者说,这就是一个生产“伪君子”的社会制度。在一个“伪君子”当道的社会,怎么会容忍真正的自由和民主。
儒家的社会伦理体系是产生极权政治的天然土壤,所以中国社会自古以来都没有民主的基因存在。这套理论体系导致中国的社会生活和政治生活离民主、自由越来越远。即使是在已经接受西方思想的日本和韩国,等级制度的思想依然非常严重。
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THE LOYAL
“Lawrie-!”
“我有东西要给你!”
Larry笑着从背后拿出一大捧鲜花。
那天正午的阳光从头顶洒落,他灿烂的笑容和开心到完全眯起的眼睛构成了一副和谐的画面,侧目看去时,好像看见了一轮地上的太阳。
“这是游客送给我们的!说是对我们工作的感谢!”他把花束往前递给了Lawrie好让人抱着,那亮晶晶的眼睛中毫不掩饰地闪烁着溢于言表的激动和兴奋。
而对方在一开始的愣神片刻后便伸手接过了这份重礼,静静地凝视着怀中的这束鲜花,平时那不苟言笑的神色似乎也因此染上了一丝笑意。
他的兄弟则笑的更开心了“Lawrie你看-这上面还有游客写的小卡片!To-Larry&Lawrie。”Larry指着那张便签,像炫耀什么珍宝一样地细细的点着这份宝贵心意上的每一个字符。“Lawrie!我们的工作得到了游客们的认可!”
没有什么比自己的工作得到了认可更值得高兴的事情了,所以,在背负了游客们的认可下,当然得更加心地工作才可以-
才可以…
………
………
………
疼痛唤回了飘远的思绪。
胸甲的破损十分严重,电力主能源的供应也被截断,而为了防止机体的进一步损伤,连移动的权利也被人剥夺,失去了主要能源后,备用的燃油系统开始运行。
报错和预警的警告声在脑海中炸响,电力能源的断供倒是次要的问题。
胸腔里那仿佛燃烧的炽热感和疼痛交织混杂在一起,几乎没法分辨它们有什么不同。热量沿着残破的散热系统扩散到机体的每个角落——这不会持续太久,以燃油供能的消耗和因破损而泄露的速度来看……所剩的时间不多了。
…事态究竟是从何时发展到了不可逆的地步?
……不清楚。
本该维持冰冷的机体随着机油的燃烧开始逐渐升温……很暖和。但他也清楚的知道,这种温暖是无法抗拒的,致命的,仅是濒死前一时的错觉。
而通过破损处漏出的那些机油正沿着身躯静静地流淌,坚定又缓慢地渗入地上这片白色的薄地毯上,连带着污雪一同蔓延,直至沾染到那橙色的手套上才停下。
Larry仅是默默地坐在旁边。
地上的头颅艰难地转头看向对方,视线于空中交汇。那双莹蓝色的眼睛中不复往日的欢快,此刻充满了忐��与忧愁。
片刻沉默后,Larry带着满腔复杂的情绪移开了目光,他不敢再去看他兄弟此刻的残破模样,只能像往日安慰他人��般地放轻语气去试着缓和现在沉重的气氛。
“抱歉,Lawrie…这是必要的程序。”Larry像人类那样深吸了一口气,有些紧张地扯出一个笑容。“你看、我们都不想这样,但规则如此。”
“……理解,你无需为此道歉。”对方的语调仍和平时一样听不出情绪起伏,但声线却像是生锈机器那般,只能发出破碎沙哑的声音。“…恰恰相反。”
“…我才是需要道歉的一方,我没能遵守规则…也没能为你竖立好的榜样。”他的每句话语都在从这副残壳深处艰涩地挤出,好似光是发声都已用尽了全部的气力。“……无论是作为兄弟,或是Lawrie…我都并不称职。”
“…抱歉,新的一年本应以吉利为开端,却发生了这种事情。希望Larry不会因为我的错误而影响到自身的情绪。”
【*警告,发声系统受损严重。】
Lawrie低垂下目光,语气低沉。他现在确实是痛苦着的,每多说一个字词都是在对发声系统造成进一步的创伤,每多说一句都是在对他自己的拷问。
“Lawrie……”他的兄弟刚想开口说些什么,便被他截住了。
Lawrie不敢赌,他不敢赌他的机体是否能撑到那个时候,时不待人。“Larry,先听我说。”Lawrie的语气不住沉重了几分,他很少像这样打断Larry讲话。
“你能将正确的事情…以正确的方式…贯彻到底、且不抱私情——我知道这对拥有近似人类情感的你来说,跨出这一步将会是艰辛的,痛苦的。”
Lawrie的逻辑模块清楚地知道此刻不应该继续开声,也不应该再说那么多,机体的疼痛是示警,也是阻止。
“但这是必要的,正确的。”
“所以…我为你骄傲,Larry。”
“干得漂亮。”
他仍选择将话语继续了下去。
【这也是异常之一的体现吗?】他这么想着,闭上了眼睛。
当他吐出最后一句时,好像一直撑着这具躯壳的某些气力又被抽走了些许,也可能是持续忍受这样的疼痛让他需要一些时间来缓解,或是机体的故障的原因让他不得不陷入沉默。
那双眼睛的光闪烁了下,变得更加黯淡。
“…Lawrie……”他兄弟的声音听起来有点哽咽。“谢谢你、能理解。”
他感觉到Larry伸手握住了他的手,但他无法回应。
【*警告,外界感知系统正在关闭…】
【已经损坏到开始关闭系统了吗。】
“…其实,应该没有什么好担心的。可还是有隐约的不安,也许是因为我的感情模拟模块太丰富了?这些担心都是没必要的。”
【没事的。】
“可我还是…不太放心…啊,并不是不信任乐园,而是这种、处理,这条规矩,我们都是第一次履行。”他有些局促,似乎在为自己居然有一丝这样的念头而感到不可置信“…抱歉,我失言了。”
手上的力道和触感在消退。
“…不过、我想会没事的…他们只是会将你修好,恢复到最完美的状态,纠正错误是必要的。而且…我也严格遵循了规则,所以、一定会没事的。”
【会没事的。】
“嗯,一定会的。”
【*警告,听力系统正在关闭…】
他像是确认般地又重复了一遍。
“一定会没事的。”
“Lawrie。”
Larry被不安感催促着握紧了彼此的手。
“你会回来的,对吗?”
细微的液体滴落声。
“请、答应我。”
“…■…*%_&…”
几乎要撕裂的痛感只能换来手指的轻移。
滴落声渐停。
【*警告,视觉系统正在关闭…】
“Lawrie回来之后,肯定能更好的继续执行命令吧…会怎么改进呢……不知道啊,我还是…挺好奇的。不过,无论是什么方式,我相信乐园一定会处理好的。”
视线开始模糊。
“等Lawrie回来了,肯定有很多工作堆积起来了,等着Lawrie和我一起去完成。”
有些,看不清对方了。
“Lawrie的型号会更新吗,我希望能添加更多的功能来帮助巡逻和抓捕工作的执行!说到这个、我也有点期待新的型号了。”
【似乎…还是笑着的吗…那就好……】
“明天回来后,一定会变得更好。”
Larry抬头看向夜空,轻轻地笑着说。
“Tomorrow will be a great day.”
他的兄弟无声地附和着。
雪还在下。
Larry的身上已经镀上一层淡淡的银霜,亮晶晶的。那双莹蓝的眼睛看着天空,心里则想象着明天。
他不停的说着。说了很多。多得好像只要话语不停,时间就仍在这一刻停留。他说了那么多,手仍是握得紧紧的,却连一眼也不敢再看对方。
他的话语轻快,手却愈发沉重。
【警告,燃油即将耗尽,请立即补充。】
温暖退去。
冬天,很冷。
剩余的热量在这寒冷的冬夜中流逝着,滴滴答答断续落在地面的油渍好似是他生命的倒计时,丝缕黑烟与白气从那破碎的盔甲间腾升,挟着意识一同消失在这片星空下。
星星闪烁。
沙漏内的颗粒已经不剩几颗了。
【…理由充足,处境也无法改变。为乐园效忠也是本职。】
【没有什么好抱怨的。】
【*思维模块正在关闭…】
【…可为什么还是会有像人类一般的恐惧和不安感?】他的面色不变,平静得好似已经接受了这样的结局。【死亡和报废并非未曾经历过。】
【*请下达最后执行指令。】
【…说是对…死亡的恐惧…?似乎…并不准确…】随着芯片中的逻辑模块的缺失,每一个字符的读取和解读都会给他带来强烈的刺痛和撕裂感【……是…遗憾…?…或…恐惧别离…?】
【*请向外界传达最后一条信息。】
意识消散时,黑暗和孤独席卷而来。
【如……可以…还……想……】
【*界外输出系统正在关闭…】
【*执行命令:播放音频】
“Lawrie,你还在听吗。”
“嗯。”
冰冷。
【*感谢你此次为星妙乐园所做出的贡献】
“…Lawrie?”
“嗯。”
生硬。
【————】
“哥?”
“…………”
“……”
一片长久的寂静中,新年的钟声从远处悠悠地飘扬过来,这份午夜的喜悦,于乐园的上空回荡。
新的一年,新的一月,新的一天。
开始了。
“Lawrie。”
“…-㤙_*#”
“Lawrie。”
“……_■#*…”
“Lawrie。”
“……”
他不会再回应了。
Larry抱紧了那具已经失去温度的废铁,嗫嚅着想说出些什么。黑紫色的黏稠油滴从眼眶中漫溢而出,裹挟着断续的话语和不可遏制的悲伤滚落,随后又被程序静静抚平,唯有泪珠仍在不受控制地滚落。
乐园是幸福与快乐之地。
远处,烟花升空四散,寂静的星空下弥漫着绚丽的光芒,每一声炸响都在欢庆着此刻的降临,Larry转头看去——今晚是他被乐园应用以来,度过的第一个新年。
如此美丽,如此刻骨铭芯。
他慢慢握住了这具残躯的手,垂眼看着远处那一片欢欣的景象,平静地开口。
“真冷啊。”
“哥。”
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