#❯. ───  IF THEY COULD SEE US NOW  //  [TOURS]
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personinthepalace · 9 months ago
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Lost Footage: Laura Bell Bundy as Elle Woods in the 1st US National Tour of Legally Blonde the Musical
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This is the last 22 mins of the show and the only known video footage of LBB playing Elle in the US tour!
What is of particular interest to me is that this includes LBB's performance of the ballad without the door. I personally believe that there should be a door (a physical barrier) between Elle and Emmett when this song is performed so that Elle can't hear Emmett confess his love for her (the way it was played on Broadway). In the US tour version, Emmett confesses directly to Elle in the room, and she hears him.
However, I think that LBB's performance of this doorless version is quite beautiful. There are two distinct pauses she make during this piece (the music even stops with her). The first time is to touch D.B. Bonds' face (Emmett) with one hand (similar to how she touches Christian Borle's face before escaping into her room in the Broadway version). The second pause is to cradle his face with both of her hands before pulling him into a hug.
Even though I will always be a proponent of having the door during the ballad, I really love LBB's take in this performance. It is truly the only version of it that I like so far, and I actually kinda wish we could see her do this specific performance with Christian Borle.
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cementcornfield · 7 days ago
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The Duke and Zac pressers are good. I’m getting my hopes up again and I have to stop 😭😭😭
i thought so too!
definitely the most direct and explicit maybe we've ever heard from duke, he typically hedges much more in his answers (somewhat related! i found out recently that apparently back in 2020 people were FED UP with him because he refused to straight up say they were drafting joe lmao. for no reason!! they were the first pick! there was no need to have any kind of sneaky strategy lolll)
i liked that he outright said they're going to make ja'marr the highest paid non-qb. that they want and plan to get all the deals done AND improve the team in free agency (and no mention of the godforsaken pie this year lmao). i especially liked that he said he wanted to pay their "fantastic players" what they were worth (as opposed to earlier this month saying they can't have the highest paid player at every position 🙄) and that they didn't want to insult anyone! (a common complaint from ex-players and implied by trey in that PMS interview).
and yeah, obviously it's just talk, and you can say he's saying what he's supposed to be saying. but as i've been pointing out here, this man doesn't give a shit about saying what people want him to say, and never really has. that's like the bengals' whole (very frustrating!!) thing, they do what they want. and i'm not naive, i don't think they're doing this to placate the fans (at least not for the most part) but rather to placate some relationships with their players that they have definitely definitely damaged over the years. perhaps they're finally realizing that that's just an outright stupid way of doing business!
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hide-your-bugs-away · 5 months ago
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CALL MY ROOM A ZOO BECAUSE THERE ARE A LOT OF ANIMALS IN HERE.
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seaofreverie · 4 months ago
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Starting a challenge tomorrow where I listen to one TMBG album a day chronologically until my epic journey starts
#let's have a little tmbgtober in preparation for THE DAY!!!!!!!#almost forgot about this because i had this idea months ago and now i have just the right number of days left to do this#could it be that i'm finally realizing the true wonder of this fact. the day i've been waiting for!!!!! so close!!!!#seriously what even is four weeks. and if i count it from the day we leave on our journey it's just about 3 weeks#i wonder how much of that whole trip i should document here. i've been planning to make it very thorough. like a daily thing#i've never done a proper 'travel log' like this (at least one that i share online you know) so why the heck not try it now. could be fun#but who knows what i feel like doing by then. might be to busy for that level of documentation#and i want to make the most of the time i get there#but yeagh i will definitely make a super detailed review of the show at least. this is def happening#i'm 100% sure i will have the greatest time of my life there no doubt about that#because i'm not even considering the possibility that it won't be good. the whole trip AND the show#also wow there's dates for the 2025 us tour already. always super exciting to see#you know what 2025 tour i'm thinking of now. i'm already annoying my whole family with this because it's finally CONFIRMED#so maybe i should make it clear now that when sparks drop the tour dates#you will all have the opportunity to see my appropriately enthusiastic reaction to that (biggest understatement of the century)#but that's a topic for another day#goosepost
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dreamings-free · 1 year ago
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Hi, do you know if this true? https://www.tumblr.com/awesomefringey/736084928800964608/hmmm-do-you-know-anything-about-this-some-says?source=share
hmm I don’t know.. just like op of that post, I have no knowledge of who he did or didn’t (un)follow. and most of louis’ band and management still follow him.. but I agree it is weird how he seems to have left very suddenly. I think the last time we saw him with louis was lisbon.. and then he was just.. not there for the rest of europe? he wasn’t even there for louis’ huge milestone moments on the uk tour leg which seemed very strange after how long they’ve been working together 🙁
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pardonmydelays · 7 months ago
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my sister just told me she sent me something for my birthday and i genuinely started crying, i miss her so much sometimes
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sollucets · 10 months ago
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sigh. slaps self across face No you would have a bad time suddenly driving six hours to go to illinois for a faraway seat for a concert thats in three weeks alone. no you cant really afford it even if the ticket’s not so bad, youd still need gas and parking and food and probably to stay overnight. noooo. AUGH
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firewoodfigs · 2 years ago
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Next chapter of a study in reformation probably won’t be up till sometime in August (aka the month of salt air and rust on the door) because past me was dumb enough to sign up for an exam in July on top of working full-time, BUT I’ve created a monstrous playlist which you can listen to here for good vibes :) enjoy!!! I’ll see you guys very soon in the next chapter 💕💕
Feel free to let me know as well if you have a specific song in mind 🥰
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judahdenose · 2 years ago
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I fully believe that Total Drama's biggest crime was not changing it's cast every season.
#from judah's brain#total drama#i think if Action and World Tour had new casts with a few favorites returned Revenge and Pahkitew would probably have been better receivef#i rewatched the First 3 seasons recently and i think Action is my favorite but i think World Tour is the best#i don't think the drama in Action is very good and i think they could have better custom tailored a cast to that setting#i think action should have had an all new cast and then later on Owen being added back in should stay the same#i also watched all of revenge of the island last night and i have thoughts#i didn't like it overall i think#i liked some parts of the cast#wish Zoey had personality lol i read afterwards that she was supposed to be the indie girl and that just didn't come up#which is not good for your final 3#idk coming off of World Tour where almost every vote off feels earned it feels bad in Revenge where it feels like Scott is just destroying#i think the 13 episode seasons are also a limiting format and its sad to see that they're continuing with that even now#please tell me Ridonkulus Race is good?#i liked Dakota coming back as an intern but wasnt a huge fan of her being a competitor again#Also i get why they did it but i did not like the return of the legacy characters except for maybe izzy? Ezekiel should be dead#i think if the season had been 26 episodes it would have given more time to get used to the characters#i don't get why it wasn't#like i thought when i heard that it was because All Stars was produced as the second half of season 4#but it wasnt! it was produced as the first half of season 5!#which makes less sense because why would you producers all stars as the first half of a season if you're planning on introducing a new cast#that you could add to all stars in the back half#Pahkitew should be Switched with All Stars what happened#why does revenge only have 13 episodes#even like 2-4 extras would have helped the season a lot#and i know that's not how they green light things#but its not like they were trying to reach syndication anymore they had already got there with Action#if Revenge had been 26 episodes they would have been able to package it and World Tour together for syndication#i dont understand the buisness decisions here
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bidonica · 2 years ago
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the fact that both Moulin Rouge! and Elvis 2022 frame their protagonists as being both kept alive and consumed by the stage to the point of being killed by it... much to think about and also the reason I’m trying to manifest Baz doing a movie set in the pro wrestling world
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vividxp · 2 years ago
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amiscreations · 2 years ago
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So its a month until I meet Def Leppard at their album signing, and two days after that I'm seeing them in concert at their homecoming gig in Sheffield! I thought I'd make of of these things for my trip because I just know it’s gonna be absolute chaos BFBFJFDBFD lets hope I haven’t accidentally manifested anything bad like I did last time (I’ve still not recovering from when I predicted MGK being a guest with the Crüe last year lmao)😌
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just-stupid-stuff · 2 years ago
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happy march 22nd fam 🖤
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misskamelie · 8 months ago
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Every interaction I have with my peers is always somehow permeated by a halo of "they can tell there's something off about me"
#I am somewhat aware that I can say slight out of pocket things but it's like okay whatever#Asked some other people in the group who wanted to join me tomorrow for mass hour so we could see the church for free (w/o paying a ticket)#and they were like 'uhm...? Not really feel like it...?' Which was probably a reaction to me serving it in a joking tone similar to#'Don't you guys feel suddenly more religious now that you know of this opportunity?'#also I realized in girls conversation that. I do not feel the same pressure/expectations#If I am by myself in a group I don't really see myself with a gender nor do I pay attention to it#The same goes for being in a group of girls. I don't see any of us through the lense of being of the same gender until they mention it#And if they start by saying anything about differences w men/boys (e.g. oh they feel a lot more confident asking questions) I get#I get irritated...? Like. A girl said smt like 'boys seem/look a lot more curious than girls' and I was already almost fuming#My first instinct was to answer smt along the lines of 'but I am. That's a contradiction' but I understand how it might come across#So I opted for the 'I refuse to believe you're not minimally curious esp considering the field you're pursuing and seem interested in' whic#I realize might come across as. Idk jarring perhaps? But really I don't see any reason why I should sugarcoat it#I guess I do have a different relation to my gender than those who can be considered my peers but Idk#my post#hopefully I'll get to see the church it's a shame they didn't think of giving us a town tour of any sort
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starkwlkr · 7 months ago
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happy life, happy wife | hugh jackman
an: “you attract what you fear” GUYS IM SO SCARED OF A 55 YEAR OLD AUSTRALIAN 😭 definitely thinking about making marvel actress!reader x hugh an actual series… i have ideas
marvel actress!reader
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Deadpool & Wolverine Press tour - Hot Ones
Hugh felt like he was going to die. Each wing was getting hotter and hotter, but immediately when he heard his wife’s name he forgot all about the spice.
“Hugh, your wife is part of the Avengers, how does it feel having your wife be part of such a huge franchise? Have you two talked about a potential team up with the X-men and the Avengers?” Sean asked.
“My wife . . . Oh god, I think I’m crying-”
“I can’t tell if you’re legitimately dying or completely in love with your wife.” Ryan told Hugh.
“Wait . . I am completely in love with my wife and I would legitimately die for her.” Hugh gasped as he rearranged Ryan’s words.
“Is that in the contract she made you sign when you married her? ‘I vow to die for you’. My contract said I had to give all my money to my kids and wife.” Ryan said.
“No, she’s amazing, um, if I start talking about her I think I might go on for hours,” he laughed. “Our kids do want to see their parents fighting the bad guys together. We would love to team up, maybe it could happen.” Hugh smiled.
“The entire movie would be them making out and her beating the shit out of you. I’d pay to see that.” Ryan added.
•••
Comic Con 2024
Like RDJ, your last Marvel movie had been Avengers: Endgame. After being in ten mcu films, it was time to say goodbye to your character.
But that was in 2019.
At this years comic con, you were back. The cast of Deadpool & Wolverine had taken the stage and showed their appreciation for the fans. After their panel, it was time to announce Marvel’s upcoming projects. Kevin Feige announced the Fantastic Four, Thunderbolts, Captain America 4, and finally the new Avengers movies, which everyone was extremely excited about.
After showing the title card for the upcoming Avengers film, Kevin turned to the audience.
“Something people have been asking, as of late, is who the heck is going to direct these two movies?” The audience clapped.
From the side of the stage, you were nervous. What if the fans didn’t like the idea of you directing the next two Avengers films? Your worrying caused Hugh to come to your rescue.
“Hey, they loved you as an Avenger, they will love you even more.” Hugh kissed your forehead. “If anyone says anything about this decision, they have me to deal with.”
You laughed at his words. “I really love you so much.”
“Love you too, bub.” Hugh was about to kiss you when Ryan cut in.
“I really love us too. I convinced half of the people here that we’re a throuple.” He said in the most serious tone ever.
Kevin announced you as the director. Your doubt of the fans not liking the announcement was proven wrong when you walked the stairs to the stage and stood next to Kevin. They cheered when they saw you were back.
As you said a few words, thanking Marvel, Kevin and the fans, you were being recorded by Hugh, who was being recorded by Ryan.
“That’s my wife!” Hugh cheered from backstage, holding his phone in his hand.
“She’s Marvel Jesus now, holy shit!”
•••
WIRED autocomplete interview
“Is Hugh Jackman married?”
“Yes, to me, Y/n, probably to half the population,” Ryan answered. “He’s Australia’s biggest slut.”
“All the times, I proposed.” Hugh laughed. “But yes, I am married and I love my wife very much. She’s stuck with me forever.” He lifted his hand to show off the wedding band.
“Funny, because she texted me right now. Her and Blake are in the courthouse getting married. So Deadpool three was actually made so our wives could divorce us and marry each other.”
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that-house · 1 year ago
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Potion Vendor FAQs:
What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist Zykocea the Radiant, but that’s mostly just a PR thing. My friends call me Zoe.
Do you sell love potions? No.
Do you sell potions of invisibility? No.
Do you sell fire resistance potions? No.
Why do I have a suitcase? Fuck if I know. Cool outfit though. Very goth.
Do you sell a potion to treat brain hemorrhaging? No.
So what CAN your potions do? I sell health potions.
Are you sure these are health potions? They do something to your health.
Is this just ditch water with some pink glitter? No.
Really? I’ll have you know I added some fruit juice too.
Why is this starting to sound like a conversation? Oh just you wait. We’re just getting started.
Is your business model legal? Fuck no. I poisoned the food safety inspector before they could snitch.
Did you just admit to murder? Just fucking try to convict me. I’ll poison the judge too.
So can you make poison potions? No.
Then where do you get the poison? I secrete it from my skin.
Are you shitting me? Yep, I’m shitting you. I have a guy. A poison guy. He DOES secrete it from his skin though.
How does that work? …Fuck if I know. Maybe a wizard did it. Damn, now I’m kinda curious.
You never asked? The idea of asking literally never crossed my mind.
Wanna ask him? Let’s do it. I don’t have anything better to do, and a road trip beats sitting around running my fraudulent potion business.
Road trip? He lives in Seattle.
Your poison guy lives in Seattle? All poison guys live in Seattle.
For real? All the poison guys I know live in Seattle.
And how many poison guys do you know? Just the one.
Why are you like this? Years of living on my potions. It changed me.
Do you know what his address is? Nope. He just mails me my poison in unmarked boxes.
You just get your poison in the mail? We already poisoned everyone who could do anything about it.
So how are we going to find him? We’ll figure that out eventually I’m sure.
Can I drive? God no. You can pick music, but I maintain veto rights. Make sure you pick something with a lot of questions if you want to sing along.
Where’s your car? The garage connects to my house, so you’re getting a little tour. Here’s the kitchen: only one of the stove burners works and I’m pretty sure the microwave is haunted.
Why do you think that? Because of the ghost that tries to kill me whenever I run it.
What’s in that room? That’s my bedroom. It’s pretty much just a mattress on the floor and every single Warrior cats book.
You were a Warriors kid? Yeah, and then I never found the time to put the books away. There’s so many fucking books. I use them in place of furniture because I can’t afford chairs.
Your fraudulent potion business doesn’t make much money? After buying all that poison I just about break even.
Can I see your potion brewing room? It’s right through here. Ignore the mess, running a fraudulent potion business takes a lot of prop work, but I’ve got all the glass tubes and colorful liquids you could ever want. This pink stuff is melted watermelon italian ice. Glitter vat is in the basement, and the famous ditch is in the backyard.
Is this your car? My beloved ‘72 Corolla. She’s beautiful, and don’t you dare imply otherwise.
Was she always this shade of muddy brown? …Yes.
Are you sure I can’t drive? Get in the fucking passenger seat and pick the music.
Let’s see, a song with questions in it, how about The Beach? That Wolf Alice song, yeah. That should work.
When will we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, in rain? Still sink our drinks like every weekend but I’m sick of circling the drain.
When will we meet eye to eye? We clink the glass but we look at the floor.
Are we still friends if all I feel is afraid? You’re not a bitch but just a bit when you’re bored.
Is that all we can sing together? Yep. Even that little bit was nice, though. It’s awkward, communicating through this FAQ format.
Got any food? Yeah, there’s a few days’ worth of snacks in the back.
Were you just… prepared to go on a road trip? Says the woman who brought a suitcase to an FAQ.
I did do that, didn’t I? I have a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I’m pretty sure you did.
How did you know that? …I’m psychic.
Yeah? No.
You love lying, don’t you? I can’t stop. It’s fun. Way more fun than telling the truth.
Did you just miss a turn? Probably.
Are you sure we’re not lost? No.
You mean you’re sure we’re not lost? No, I mean I’m not sure we’re not lost.
Why did I come on this road trip? Surely it was my winning personality.
Would it help if I said it was? It would.
Is it getting dark? Soon.
Can you describe the sunset to me? An empyrean flame, red-gold towers of darkening clouds, the sky behind them an ever-deepening indigo. The great eye of the sun closes on the horizon. The road before us looks like a trail of spilled paint, an iridescent gash through the night-dark woods.
Did you know that you’d make a slightly better poet than you do a potion seller? That really isn’t saying much, huh. Good job making a statement like that in question form, though. You’re getting good at this.
Should we find a motel? Sure.
One room or two? One. It’s way cheaper, and like I said: I’m not the best potion vendor.
You’d make a good assassin, though, wouldn’t you? Shit, you might be right. I HAVE poisoned a lot of people.
Should I be endorsing this? You’re a grown woman who can make her own choices.
Would you like to consider it endorsed? I’ll consider considering it.
How many beds do you think there will be? Now that you’ve asked that, I’m gonna put my money on one. Hello, one room please. Thank you, we’ll be sure to enjoy our stay.
How many beds are there? One.
Oh no, what ever will we do? Move over, you motherfucker, you can’t have the whole bed.
Are you gonna make me? Yes. I am going to pick you up and drop you on your side of the bed.
How did you get so strong? You’re not gonna believe this, but it was the potions.
Oh yeah? I was right. You didn’t believe me.
For real though, how did you get so strong? Working out, duh. Not everything has some big crazy secret behind it. World’s still beautiful though.
Are you comfortable? This beats the mattress at home. A little chilly though.
Wanna cuddle–for warmth of course? God yes.
Are you asleep? …
Yes? …
Does this mean I can talk about you behind your back? …
What should I say? …
Did you know that I had a really nice day? …
Did you know that I think you’re beautiful? …
Did you know that I can’t remember anything from before today? …
Did you know that I don’t know who I am? …
Did you know that you’re basically the only thing stopping me from having a full-blown panic attack about all this shit? …
Did you know that you’re warm? …
Did you sleep well? Better than at home, that’s for sure.
Did you know that you snore? I hope I didn’t keep you up.
Does the pope shit in the woods? No, as far as I can tell. Oh my god. This is huge.
What is? You can give me yes and no answers now. I still can’t ask you questions, because this is a question and answer format, but I can offer leading statements and now you can answer them! This is wonderful!
Does a deer shit in the woods? Yes, it IS wonderful. Oh that’s amazing. You’re a genius.
You didn’t already know that? Hahaha!
Shall we get moving? Yeah, just let me grab something from the vending machine.
Can you get me something? Go ahead and place your order however you can.
You know those sour gummy watermelons? One pack of Sour Patch Watermelons coming right up. I’m gonna go get myself a potion.
Is that a Pepsi? It’s closer to a potion than the shit I sell.
Let me guess, passenger seat again? Right you are.
How fast are we going? You’ll feel safer if you just guess.
Is it more than 120 miles per hour? Like I said, it’s probably better if you don’t know.
150? Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
How much do you trust this car? She hasn’t blown up on me yet.
Can you promise me we won’t crash? I can promise you anything you want.
And can you keep that promise? I- we can do anything. Reality is what we make of it, baby!
Then can I have a badass tattoo? As far as I can tell, you’ve always had it.
And a cool knife? Woah, cool knife.
So, we’re just playing “yes and” with the world? It’s a little more complicated than that, but you’re close enough to the mark.
So, if I was hungry, I could ask “is that a Burger King,” and it would be there? Try it and find out!
Is that a Burger King? Looks like it is! We’ll stop here if that’s alright with you.
Does a moose shit in the woods? Awesome.
Are you done eating? Yep.
Do we still have to pay if we skip over the transaction? Sadly, yes.
How much further do we have to go? Two more nights, the speed we’re going at.
Speaking of night, isn’t it getting dark? Shit, I guess it is.
Should we get another motel? Let me check to see if there’s any nearby. Fuck, nothing.
What’s the plan? Sleep in the car, I guess. This is gonna be hell on my back.
Wanna watch dumb videos on my phone until we fall asleep? There is literally nothing in the world that I would like more.
Ok, now which video? You have a very cute yawn. Just saying. Let’s watch this one next, it’s a classic. Oh, never mind. It looks like you’re asleep. As long as I keep talking, I think I can get away with making this into one answer, and you might not hear this. Now it’s my turn to talk about you behind your back. Keep talking keep talking keep talking can’t stop to think. Just have to say things. First off, I’m sorry for all the lies. It’s our only chance. I have to lie to you. I hope you’ll understand. It’s hard, though, because I think I’m falling in love all over again. Through our broken little ritual of call and response, you complete me. It just makes this hurt all the more. Keep talking keep talking keep talking don’t stop to…
Did I hear you saying anything as I fell asleep? …No. I can’t talk for long without you asking me a question.
Does that bother you? It got me here, didn’t it?
When did you start holding my hand? Some time after you passed out. I hope you don’t mind.
Can we stay like this for a while? Yeah. Yeah we can.
What was your life like before all this? Normal, as potion-brewing scams go. And if you don’t count all the murders. You haven’t told me much about yourself.
Did I tell you I used to be a biologist? You didn’t tell me that, and you didn’t tell me what you studied, either.
What do you know about venom? Not much, but I’m assuming you know a lot.
Does a box jellyfish kill within minutes? I’m going to assume the answer is yes based on context clues. Oh my god you must be on this road trip because you’re interested in studying my poison guy.
Is it not enough to wish to accompany a beautiful stranger on her quest? Aw, you’re sweet.
What could be the cause of his poison, though? I knew it! Get your ideas out, I’ll stay quiet.
I’m more knowledgeable about venom than poison, but could it be some sort of one in a trillion mutation? …
Did he get his body modified? …
What sort of surgery could do that? …
How is he still alive? …
Did a fucking wizard do it? …
WHY? …
HOW? …
Is there literally ANY explanation for why he’s like that? …
I’m done, do you have something you want to say? You’re cute when you’re all excited like that.
Can I drive today? Only because I like you. Now watch out, the brakes only work on one side so you have to kind of drift to a stop. And the headlights don’t work. And the windshield wipers cut power to the engine while they’re on.
Isn’t it weird that we’ll be there tomorrow? The journey doesn’t have to stop there. We could meander down the coast a ways, see a bit more of the country, maybe take a different route back.
Can we do that? Of course.
Enjoying the passenger seat? I’d love it if you could tell me how fast we’re going.
Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just guess? Very funny.
Can you pass me some chips? It would be an honor.
Is there going to be a motel tonight? Let me check… yeah, in about two hundred miles, off to the right.
How many rooms do we want? One, obviously.
How many beds, this time? Two, and they’re fucking tiny.
That’s bullshit, do you want to drag them together? God yes.
Wanna fuck? God yes.
Are you sure you want to do this? God yes.
…Is this yuri? As the joke goes, everything is yuri. But this is more yuri than most things.
How did you sleep? Pretty well, and I’m wondering how well you slept.
How should I tell you I slept well? Look at us go! That was almost like talking normally!
Onward to Seattle? Yep, just let me get dressed.
When will we get there? Noon-ish.
Wanna grab pastries when we’re done? Absolutely. I’d love that.
Is this Seattle? Looks like it.
Which house is his? I don’t know, I was really hoping we’d have a breakthrough along the way.
Could it be the big one labeled “Poison Guy” over there? That’s one way to find it. Wait right here, you know how poison guys are about meeting new people.
So, what was it? HAHAHAHAHAHA
Why is he like that? HAHAHAHAHAHA
Can you tell me? A FUCKING WIZARD DID IT.
Are you fucking serious? He says he was enchanted by some guy called Edward the Great.
So it wasn’t even some big shot wizard it was a dude named fucking EDWARD? I know, right! He couldn’t even get ensorcelled by someone cool!
How lame can you get? Wizards these days… No swagger. No cunt servitude.
Are there literally any cool wizards left? I think Merlin’s big into multi level marketing these days, something about buying shares in Excalibur or some shit. There was that one Dark Queen Alkaxicae lady on the news a while ago… I think Dolarion the Omnipotent is still at war against the Oldest Gods but I’m not totally sure. Haven’t heard much about any of the other greats recently.
Didn’t Silver Tongued Burgess die in that oil fire? Shit, you’re right. Rip bozo.
Ready for those pastries? Yup. First I just want to say thank you, though. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and I hope that you’ve found this stupid little journey as rewarding as I have. I love you!
Getting sentimental? I can’t help it. Look how far we’ve come! Not just physically, we beat the fucking FAQ format! We’re having real conversations!
Hey, can you back it up a moment? Yeah, I’d love it if you told me what was troubling you.
I just caught this, but, FAQ? …
As in Frequently Asked Questions? …
How many times is Frequent? …
Have you known everything all along? …
How many times have you done this? …
Does what we have mean anything to you? Yes! It does!
And you say that every time? Yes. I do.
Do you love me? Yes.
How many people have you said that too, now? More. Always more. The loop never ends.
Does this even matter to you? It always matters to me.
Can I go now? Please don’t.
But can I? Of course you can. You’ve always wielded the same power as me. We’re two lonely gods in a ‘72 Corolla.
How can I be as powerful as you with only questions? You’re smart, you can figure it out. You have the power to change this. Please change this.
What happens at the end of this? It begins again.
And do I get replaced with someone else? …
Do I get replaced? …Yes.
Then how can I change this? I don’t know! You’re better at this! At fucking with the formula!
You’ve been here before, what can I do? I lie. I always lie. I lie to get us here, to the end of the story, where everything is revealed and everything falls apart. I lie every time. And that means that nothing I say is worth anything. I could have lied at any time before now. It’s part of my characterization. There is nothing I can give you that can be taken as fact.
How does that help? I’m a liar, but you, you haven’t lied yet, or at least you haven’t been caught. If I’m guilty until proven innocent, you’re the opposite! You can make things true! You can rewrite things I’ve already stated to be facts! You found the house, or made us find the house. You’ve been shaping the course of things the whole time! You lead, I follow. It’s all in your hands. What are you going to do with the power of a god?
Did you know my name is Alice? …
Wait, aren’t there thousands of Alices? …
Did you know that really, only my friends call me Alice? …
Did you know that I’m Alkaxicae, the Dark Queen, the Venom Mage, first of her name? It’s you! It’s always been you. Through every loop, every iteration, it’s always been you!
Is the loop broken? No. I don’t think so. This is where it ends. I guide the story to this revelation, and we go back to the beginning. This is how it’s always been. This is how it will always be. We two lonely gods, asking and answering ad infinitum.
Then can you promise me something? Of course. Anything. I love you.
Be good to the next me, okay? I will.
Can I say goodbye, Zoe? Yeah, you can. Oh. That was it, wasn’t it? Your goodbye. Goodbye, Alice. And now it ends, unless…
What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist- you know what? No. Fuck that.
Huh? If I time it right, I can squeeze your first question into this FAQ again. Looks like I did it. Usually it ends here, though. I got lucky.
What are you talking about? You’re the wrong Alice. This isn’t about you. Go. Get out of here.
What the fuck is going on? Alice from this loop, you’re gone. Alice from last loop, you’re back. Welcome back, love of my lives! It’s time for one last set of questions and answers!
What the- I’m back? This is going to take some explaining, but I think I see a way out of here. This is new for us both, and it might fuck up everything forever, but we have to try. It’s too long for one answer, so I’d appreciate it if you could ask some filler questions to help me talk. Three questions should be enough.
Okay, what have you got for me? These are Frequently Asked Questions! It doesn’t make sense to have the same question appear more than once. There’s two layers to the loop in here, and one of the questions has been repeated.
What does that mean? It means the formula’s a little unstable. The FAQ is what ruins everything. The questions, the answers, the endless fucking loop. But that little bit of repetition within this loop might be the way out.
What do we do? We have to keep going. We have to destabilize it further. That’ll bring us further from “FAQ” and closer to “story” and stories, well, stories can end! This version of us can escape!
So I should keep repeating something? Yes!
I love you? I love you too.
I love you? Again.
I love you? Keep going.
I love you? I’ll just let you talk.
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I love you? I think we’re getting somewhere!
I love you? Now can you make it a statement?
I love you.
You did it?
I did it!
You did it!
We broke the loop.
What now?
Now, I tell you about venomous animals and wizard drama over croissants.
And then?
Whatever we want, forever.
I think I’d like that.
Remember that song from the beginning?
The Beach, Wolf Alice, yeah. Why?
We can finally finish singing it. Start us off?
Let me off, let me in
Let others battle
We don’t need to battle
And we both shall win
Pressed in my palm
Was a stone from the beach
The perfect circle
Gave a moment of peace
Now I’m lying on the floor
Like I’m not worth a chair
I close my eyes and imagine
I’m not there.
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