#✧ 𝐈𝐒𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 、barbie wire : answered.

[isforever-moved]

Seeing as you have Barbie on here for now, got a question for em. How would she feel if Blitzø died?

how   would   she   feel   if   her   brother   died?   once   upon   a   time,   it's   a   question   that   would   have   made   her   stomach   twist   into   knots.   it   would   have   broken   her.   but   in   the   throes   of   her   addiction,   she   had   made   peace   with   her   own   death.   the   reaper   would   come   for   everyone   eventually.   surely   it   would   come   for   her   brother. 

maybe   his   death   could   be   a   sort   of   atonement.   it's   his   fault   their   mother   was   dead,   her   father   readily   reminding   her   of   it   every   chance   he   got.   it   was   his   fault,   but   as   his   twin,   she   was   some   sort   of   extension   of   her   brother…   and   she   blamed   herself.   could   it   have   been   different?   if   she   had   done   something   different,   could   she   have   changed   that   night?   no,   maybe   not.   maybe   that   was   what   fate   intended.   the   son's   mistakes   leading   to   the   death   of   his   mother…   their   mother.

“   i…   i   don't   know.   ”   it's   admitted   with   a   scoff,   because   deep   down?   he's   part   of   who   she   is,   they're   two   parts   of   one   whole.   she   wants   to   carry   her   father's   rage,   but   rage   and   sorrow   had   nearly   brought   her   to   ruination   in   her   desperate   desire   to   numb   the   pain.   “   i   mean   fuck…   i   don't   want   him   dead.   i   just   don't   wanna   fuckin'   see   him   ever   again…   ”   a   pause.   she   knows   the   truth   of   the   matter.   it   would   lead   to   another   spiral,   it   might   be   the   pain   that   truly   breaks   her   cold   heart.   “   i'd   be   sad,   i   guess…   but   i'd   get   over   it.   that's   how   shit   goes,   you   get   the   fuck   over   it…   besides,   he's   already   fuckin'   dead   to   me   anyways.   ”

but   he'd   haunt   her,   even   as   a   ghost.   the   memories   of   good   times,   an   anger   she   couldn't   put   away…   he's   her   brother.   she   doesn't   want   to   be   around   him,   but   she   still   mourns   him.   she'd   mourn   him   even   more   in   death.

[isforever]

❛ i can’t imagine losing someone like that. i’m sorry. ❜ ( oh. for barbie. ) - spidrboots

" thanks , " she looks down at her cigarette, feels something in her stomach twist. she doesn't talk about her mom with anyone. eyes fall upon the end of the cigarette, and the ash... and she's quick to toss it to the ground. she steps on it to snuff the flame, wishes she could've done that to the flames that stole her mother. but not all fires can be dealt with easily. it brings back the heat, the way the smoke filled her lungs... the knowledge of her own failure. she'd ran to find her mother, to get her... but she'd failed.

" i wish i could've... traded places with her. " her voice, normally level and steady, is shaky and soft. it's an admission she's never made to anyone. she wishes she had been the one ill and bedridden, not her mother. she wishes, she wishes, she wishes ; but wishing wouldn't bring her back. " my twin brother.... he caused the fire. i - i hate him for it, i don't think i can ever forgive him... but my momma would hate that i hate him. she'd hate all the shit i do.... " a pause. tears sting in her eyes and she squeezes them shut, wills the tears to dry up. " she'd hate who i've become. "

@spidrboots / meme.

[isforever]

A very sweet and harmless puppy would venture on top of Barbie's stash, laying right on top of it curled into a ball.

usually , fire flashes through her veins. anger brims to the surface, if anyone ever touched her drugs, she'd lose her fucking shit! but she seets the puppy, settled atop the wooden box that houses needles and pills... and it's immediate concern. she's quick to reach out, taking the soft creature in her arms. " hey buddy, this.... this ain't a safe place for you, alright? how'd ya get in here, anyways ? " of course, she'd found an apartment in the cheapest part of lust and the door never seemed to latch. " c'mon, it's safer on the sofa. alright ? "