#✗ peter parker. / general.

[thewrittenpodcast]

Peter, Tony, and Harley are playing poker. Harley is winning

Tony: Aw, come on.

Peter: It’s not fair! They don’t even know what we’re playing!

Harley: Go Fish?

[iamnotdirtylaundry]

peter parker and his fuckass jordans

[amndees]

peter from @erinwantstowrite and alighterwood ‘s fic Leap of Faith (Catch Me, If You Can)! i’ve been reading the fic for a while and was inspired to draw something for it :)

+ the flats, the sketch and the first test doodle i did for this ^^

[idkmybffjillyy]

[romanoffshouse]

Peter, to the Avengers: If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!

*silence*

Peter: Damn, y’all depressed as fuck!

Natasha: You didn’t clap either-

Peter: SHUT UP!

[rxmqnova]

Yelena: Y/N, you were so wasted last night.

Y/N: I wasn't that drunk!

Peter: ...You called a taxi home.

Y/N: Yeah! It's called being responsible!

Kate: The party was at your house.

Y/N: ...Crap.

[fiepige]

Hobie and Noir both doing a two finger salute

[angelyuji]

I need more step brother Peter pleaseeee!

tw // stepcest, implied noncon

minors dni!!! 18+!!!!!!

step-bro peter would be kind of a dick to you when everyones looking, but then at night, creep into your room, apologizing for being a dick and beg you to let him fuck you.

"please, please, come on, i don't have much time today" his hands go under your shirt as he grinds against your back.

"peter. stop." you try to push him away, but his unnatural strength keeps you trapped in his arms.

"just go to sleep," he mumbles into your shoulder as he rolls his hips into you, "please, (y/n)."

"peter, i have to get up early-" your voice breaks as one of peter's hands go down your bottoms. you choke as peter skillfully makes you moan. you relent as you feel yourself getting close,"j-just be quick."

he would ignore you at dinner or on family outings or if you asked for help on homework. but on nights he had to sneak out early for spiderman stuff, he'll come to you in the morning before everyone wakes up, begging for your help.

"you ignored me when i asked for help, why should i help you, asshole." peter winces as you jab his chest. you push him, "i'm getting dressed. get out."

"i'm sorry," he reaches out to you, but you slap his hands away. you tug off your pajamas and peter comes closer, "i didn't mean to hurt your feelings, please." he sighs and grabs your hand, irritated by your rejection. you rip your hand away.

"get. the fuck. out." you grit. peter rolls his eyes. you try to push peter out, "you're so fucking awful to me every day unless im spreading my legs for you. so fuck you. get the fuck out of my room." you shove him and peter doesn't move. you back away in surprise.

pissed, peter responds through gritted teeth, "if i had known you were gonna be a bitch this morning, i wouldn't have even asked for you to "spread your legs". he mocks you as he gets closer, you start to back up. your legs hit your bed, trapping you. "i would've just taken what i own." he pushes you and you fall back onto your bed.

"wait-peter-" his lips were on yours before you could finish, rough and unforgiving.

"be a good and help out your step-brother, (y/n)."

[maroonmused]

spider-man/deadpool #8

[starliteonearth]

It has come to my attention that Deadpool drops a "baby girl" right after the third act climax, which means a "baby boy" ain't too far behind. Spideypool girlies, gird thy loins! This shit will hit like crack in the 60s!

[sarcasm-and-stiles]

Y/N: *clearly annoyed*

Peter: what’s wrong?

Peter: is it because my shoes light up and yours don’t?

[edgepunk]

stealing bad jokes to cope w the game trailer

[human-space-heater]

(Inncorrect quotes with SPIDERMAN: Across the Spiderverse part 3)

Miguel, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here. Hobie: Hey. Gwen: Hi. Pavtir: Hello. Miles: Hey! Miguel: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only! Peter B: We were out of Doritos.

Gwen: Quitting! It's like trying, but easier.

Miles: I think I mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart. (*queue Hobie signing marriage papers in the back*)

Miguel: Die. Peter B: Please don't die! Miguel: DIE! Peter B: PLEASE DON'T DIE! Miles, confused: Why are they yelling at a plant? Hobie, watching while eating popcorn: They bought it together and Peter B wants Miguel to accept it as their kid.

Gwen: I know you love them. Miles: I am not in love with Hobie! Gwen, staring at Miles: I never said who... Miles: *realizes* Miles: Shit. Well, anyways-

Miguel: Where are you going? Hobie: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide on the way.

Gwen: Uh, I think I got your lunch. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘I am very proud of you. Love, Peter B’* Miles: Oh yeah. I didn’t think this was for me. *Holds up a note that reads: ‘Be good. For the love of God, Please be good.’*

[pbnmj]

when will marvel hire me so i can finally make the greatest spider-to-spider communication of all time canon

[romanoffshouse]

Peter: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Natasha: You're like 15 years old.

Peter: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

[rxmqnova]

Peter: H-how do you ask someone out?

Y/N: Well, first-

Wanda: Don't ask her, she asked me out in a McDonalds parking lot.

Peter: … And you said yes?