#♠ Godaime speaks

[senjutsunade]

How’s the dating life, Hokage-sama? Or is the only thing you’re committed to these days the bottom of a sake bottle?

Absolutely thrilling. It's just me, my paperwork, and a (few) bottle of sake—truly the romance of the century.

Who needs love when you have budget reports and village crises to keep you company?

[senjutsunade]

What kind of mom would Tsunade be had she had kids.

Babies don't belong in bars, right? R I G H T?

So why? Just why? Why ask that?

The short, simple answer is terrible.

She knew it. So it was never even an IF.

Bonus: She is Naruto's godmother in one of my AU's. She is banned from attending his school conferences. Banned by the school. She is not allowed on the school premises.

She's not very good at adulting.

[senjutsunade]

[ Remember the headcanon about Minato and Kushina's marriage? Where the paperwork for either changing their status/clan affiliation is lost amidst the piles of paper on the Hokage's desk? What would Tsunade's reaction be upon finding said paperwork?

Bonus q: would Tsunade give it to Naruto?

Kushina muse: Stupid sea urchin 'ttebane!! That was your ONE job!

Guess whose scrolls will be used to start a bonfire? Cough

With how Shizune is about organization the paperwork is bound to make an appearance. Probably stored in a sealing scroll.

Tsunade's reaction? A deadpan.

Would she be surprised? No! Amused? Slightly. Nostalgic? Extremely.

Reaction:

“Oh, well, look who finally decided to make an appearance,” holding up the paper like it’s a long-lost artifact, Tsunade found her self scoffing. “Guess you two idiots were unofficially official all this time, eh. Typical of the blinding flake and his menace of a better better half,” she’d mutter, shaking her head. “Honestly. And they call me bad with paperwork. The Yondaime's marriage documents went missing under his own nose!"

She would do what the idiot flake should have done back then. Register the documents. Put them in the archives herself. Make a copy for Naruto to give them to him some day. Probably as a wedding present.

Later in the evening get utterly drunk. Visit their grave. Sit there. Curse them out for dying. Laugh recalling the time she had to go get them out of jail. Whisper how she hopes they can forgive her for not being there for them.

She would sit there till dawn, recalling her time with them, telling them all about Naruto. About how he was an idiot...but how he'd made her learn to live again. To hope and dream again.

After all, he was their child.

[senjutsunade]

How many times have you ‘accidentally’ punched a hole in a wall this week? Asking for property damage insurance purposes.

Lost count after the first few, but don't worry—if I aim for your head next. That way we can save on repair costs.

[senjutsunade]

Tsunade-sama, what’s your biggest achievement—becoming Hokage, or not throwing Naruto through a wall on a daily basis?

Option c - not murdering the old prunes (council members).

[senjutsunade]

Who in Konoha has the worst gambling luck (besides yourself)?

"......"

"You, anon-san. For taking this gamble, thinking you'll survive.

Kakashi. Definitely Kakashi.

[senjutsunade]

What do you eat for lunch hokage sama?

The trauma of gennin and chunin keeps me well fed.

[senjutsunade]

What are you doing right now?

"Mourning my freedom."

[senjutsunade]

Is it true that you once tried to teach Shizune to gamble, and she’s still traumatized?

".....I'm the one who should be traumatized. My apprentice has no gambling sense to speak of."

[senjutsunade]

What do you drink then if not sake?

"Jōnin and ANBU tears."

[senjutsunade]

If you hate paperwork so much why did you become hokage?

Oh, fun question! I have a good pile of headcanons on this topic, so I'll answer this ooc;

Tsunade whines about paperwork—a lot. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t get it done. Most of the manga/anime scenes show her desk cleared, the work handled, and her office tidier than my own (cough). Sure, she whines about it, but that’s just her way of venting.

But why is she good at it? Because she’s a nerd, and people tend to forget that. Nerds have a knack for paperwork, and she’s no exception.

As to if/why Tsunade is a nerd?

She loves research. It’s what made her the legendary medic she is. If you pay close attention to the manga/anime (like I do - little things matter, kay!?!) , she’s often skimming through books or flipping through archives. Her appreciation for the Nara clan’s research on herbs and medicine, especially during her efforts to help Chouji after the Sasuke Retrieval arc, only reinforces this. And then there are all those scenes of her poring over tomes in preparation for Rock Lee’s surgery—proof that her dedication to knowledge runs deep.

One of my headcanons (note to self: actually write this down) is that Tsunade had access to some of Tobirama’s scrolls—the less forbidden ones, anyway—and these piqued her interest in cellular regeneration, which later became the basis for Creation Rebirth.

I also headcanon that after leaving Konoha, she spent years tracking down Uzumaki fuinjutsu scrolls and books. She’s built a decent collection of them in her personal library, and it’s one of the assets that helped her develop Creation Rebirth and the Strength of a Hundred seal.

So…. Why the Complaints?

Just because she loves research and discovering new techniques doesn’t mean she enjoys all paperwork.

Not even nerds would enjoy going through endless D and C rank mission reports when those idiot gennin don't know how to write and their reports always have suspicious stains on them. Those reports are disgusting. She'd go to any length to not touch one.

She hates budgeting with a passion. And the council? Either they don’t understand basic arithmetic or they just enjoy making her life difficult. The financial reports they demand are redundant and tediously detailed, and she’d rather face an army of rogue shinobi than deal with them.

Political Jargon - Despises it. Tsunade is a “hit first, ask questions later” type. She has zero patience for wading through political doublespeak. She’s good at it—she can read between the lines when needed—but that doesn’t mean she likes it.

Also, she's just spoiled. She never wanted responsibility - which is why she never took on a gennin team. She always wanted to do her own thing but now she is responsible for a whole fucking village so of course the princess is going to at last throw some temper tantrums.

[senjutsunade]

So the young sannin didn't have any fun with each other? :((((

I never said we didn't have fun.

There was that time when we discovered we had a civilian stalker. Sensei of course said we couldn’t kill him—such a shame, really. He must have been trying to get out of paperwork.

So, naturally, we sat down and had a nice little chat about all the creative ways we would’ve done it. You know, just for stress relief.

Jiraiya had a thing for death by a thousand paper cuts, Orochimaru was all about slow poison—of course—and me? Oh, I was leaning toward a simple, classic bone-crushing method.

Therapeutic, really.

Also very fun.

And if the stalker coincidentally overheard us and was never heard from again...well as I said, coincidence.

[senjutsunade]

If you could challenge any Konoha ninja to a drinking contest, who would it be?

That's an obvious one...Choza.

Especially if he throws in some of that special Akimichi sake. No one in the shinobi world makes sake like the Akimichi do and no one knows how to appreciate their drink like that clan.

[senjutsunade]

Besides gambling and drinking, what are your other favorite pastimes?

"Oh, you know—scaring the life out of Genin, traumatizing Chūnin, giving ANBU and Jōnin existential crises. Just the usual hobbies."

She likes eating. A lot. Trying new things.

She sends her ANBU out far to often (abusing kage privileges) to get what ever she fells like eating. The ANBU are so trained by now they never get an order wrong - they could start a very successful delivery service business.

She's all for supporting local business and booting Konoha's economy, ne?

[senjutsunade]

Lady Fifth, is Shizune aware of your plans for the elders? Has she tried to sway you against it or did she help you and Genma devise it, if she is in the loop?

"...Shizune has enough on her plate with getting the hospital restructured. Some aspects (planning homicides) of this job, I prefer to deal with by myself."

Her apprentice was too much of an 'adult'. With regards to plans with violent results, the less she knew, the fewer lectures were in the Godaime's future.

[senjutsunade]

“You knew my father.” It was a statement and not a question.

Knew him?

"In a manner of speaking."

Oh she'd loved to annoy the grouchy nin. Though he'd honestly given back as got as he got. His snark had her respect.

She knew how to make Uchiha Fugaku tick. Did that count?