#♠ Godaime speaks

[senjutsunade]

How’s the dating life, Hokage-sama? Or is the only thing you’re committed to these days the bottom of a sake bottle?

Absolutely thrilling. It's just me, my paperwork, and a (few) bottle of sake—truly the romance of the century.

Who needs love when you have budget reports and village crises to keep you company?

[senjutsunade]

How many times have you ‘accidentally’ punched a hole in a wall this week? Asking for property damage insurance purposes.

Lost count after the first few, but don't worry—if I aim for your head next. That way we can save on repair costs.

[senjutsunade]

Now now Tsuna-chan violence isn't the answer to everything. 😳😳😳😳😳 I must say though you look pretty even when angry. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

"Its not? Works for me. Every. Fucking. Time."

[senjutsunade]

Why is Hokage-sama rampaging today?

She’s not. She’s passed out at her desk after enduring a grueling, mind-numbing 29-hour day. It started with two late-night briefings from T&I, packed with grisly details no one should have to stomach.

Then came the emergency council session—a circus of bickering elders who wouldn’t shut up about protocol. And just when it seemed like she could finally breathe, an A-rank mission went to hell.

The ANBU team barely limped back, battered and bloodied, and she stayed until every last one of them was cleared by the medics. Only then, when the adrenaline finally drained from her veins, did her body give in to exhaustion.

The chaos you're hearing is all Naruto. Know your blonds, anon.

[senjutsunade]

Nail care routine?

Tsunade’s nail care routine is meticulous but efficient—she doesn’t have time to waste, but her nails are always immaculate because, well, appearances matter when you're intimidating people and signing Hokage documents.

Step One: The Inspection She starts with a no-nonsense examination, holding her hands up in the light. Any chip or uneven edge earns a glare as if the offending nail personally insulted her.

Step Two: Filing with Precision Out comes the high-quality crystal file. Tsunade is ruthless but precise, shaping each nail into a perfect almond point—not too sharp, but enough to say, mess with me, and these can double as weapons.

Step Three: Cuticle Care A quick dab of cuticle oil (rose-scented, but she’d never admit it), massaged in with practiced ease. She’s all about efficiency but refuses to let her cuticles scream “overworked Hokage.”

Step Four: Buffing for Brilliance She buffs her nails to a smooth shine because polish chips are not an option when punching craters into the ground. The natural shine is dazzling enough to make even Ino jealous.

Step Five: Hydration A light, unscented lotion—hydration is key when chakra-enhanced punches and constant paperwork dry your hands out faster than a Suna summer.

Step Six: Final Inspection Another scrutinizing look, followed by a smirk. Perfect, as always. She flexes her fingers once, admiring the way her nails catch the light. "Flawless," she mutters.

This entire routine takes ten minutes tops—she’s not about to waste time—but the results? They’re intimidatingly perfect. Even Kotetsu swears her glare is more terrifying when paired with freshly groomed nails.

[senjutsunade]

What kind of mom would Tsunade be had she had kids.

Babies don't belong in bars, right? R I G H T?

So why? Just why? Why ask that?

The short, simple answer is terrible.

She knew it. So it was never even an IF.

Bonus: She is Naruto's godmother in one of my AU's. She is banned from attending his school conferences. Banned by the school. She is not allowed on the school premises.

She's not very good at adulting.

[senjutsunade]

Why don't you talk about your parents?

I never saw a reason to.

[senjutsunade]

[ Remember the headcanon about Minato and Kushina's marriage? Where the paperwork for either changing their status/clan affiliation is lost amidst the piles of paper on the Hokage's desk? What would Tsunade's reaction be upon finding said paperwork?

Bonus q: would Tsunade give it to Naruto?

Kushina muse: Stupid sea urchin 'ttebane!! That was your ONE job!

Guess whose scrolls will be used to start a bonfire? Cough

With how Shizune is about organization the paperwork is bound to make an appearance. Probably stored in a sealing scroll.

Tsunade's reaction? A deadpan.

Would she be surprised? No! Amused? Slightly. Nostalgic? Extremely.

Reaction:

“Oh, well, look who finally decided to make an appearance,” holding up the paper like it’s a long-lost artifact, Tsunade found her self scoffing. “Guess you two idiots were unofficially official all this time, eh. Typical of the blinding flake and his menace of a better better half,” she’d mutter, shaking her head. “Honestly. And they call me bad with paperwork. The Yondaime's marriage documents went missing under his own nose!"

She would do what the idiot flake should have done back then. Register the documents. Put them in the archives herself. Make a copy for Naruto to give them to him some day. Probably as a wedding present.

Later in the evening get utterly drunk. Visit their grave. Sit there. Curse them out for dying. Laugh recalling the time she had to go get them out of jail. Whisper how she hopes they can forgive her for not being there for them.

She would sit there till dawn, recalling her time with them, telling them all about Naruto. About how he was an idiot...but how he'd made her learn to live again. To hope and dream again.

After all, he was their child.

[senjutsunade]

Tsunade-sama, what’s your biggest achievement—becoming Hokage, or not throwing Naruto through a wall on a daily basis?

Option c - not murdering the old prunes (council members).

[senjutsunade]

Who in Konoha has the worst gambling luck (besides yourself)?

"......"

"You, anon-san. For taking this gamble, thinking you'll survive.

Kakashi. Definitely Kakashi.

[senjutsunade]

What do you eat for lunch hokage sama?

The trauma of gennin and chunin keeps me well fed.

[senjutsunade]

What are you doing right now?

"Mourning my freedom."

[senjutsunade]

So the young sannin didn't have any fun with each other? :((((

I never said we didn't have fun.

There was that time when we discovered we had a civilian stalker. Sensei of course said we couldn’t kill him—such a shame, really. He must have been trying to get out of paperwork.

So, naturally, we sat down and had a nice little chat about all the creative ways we would’ve done it. You know, just for stress relief.

Jiraiya had a thing for death by a thousand paper cuts, Orochimaru was all about slow poison—of course—and me? Oh, I was leaning toward a simple, classic bone-crushing method.

Therapeutic, really.

Also very fun.

And if the stalker coincidentally overheard us and was never heard from again...well as I said, coincidence.

[senjutsunade]

Is it true that you once tried to teach Shizune to gamble, and she’s still traumatized?

".....I'm the one who should be traumatized. My apprentice has no gambling sense to speak of."

[senjutsunade]

Which Konoha festival do you enjoy the most?

The Hi no Yūrei Matsuri—the Festival of the Fire Spirits—is a tradition turned celebration, held on the last full moon of winter. It dates back to the Shodai Hokage's seventh year in office. During this time, shinobi activity is scaled back to the essentials, allowing most to return to the village and take part. This isn’t just a festival—it’s a sacred time to honor those who gave their lives for Hi no Kuni. Our fallen comrades, our family, those who made the ultimate sacrifice.

Families and loved ones visit the graves or memorials of the departed, bringing flowers, lighting incense, and offering prayers. It’s deeply personal—moments steeped in rituals passed down through generations. Each clan has its own traditions, unique customs to pay respect, but the purpose remains the same: to remember. To ensure they are never forgotten.

As the sun sets, lanterns are lit—some sent floating down the river, others released into the night sky. Each lantern represents a spirit, a guiding light for the departed, a message that they remain a part of us, even in death. The sight is hauntingly beautiful, the glow of countless lanterns casting reflections of remembrance on water and sky.

Afterward, families gather to share a meal, recount stories, and honor memories. Food and drink are shared, tales of the ones we’ve lost are told. It’s a moment to mourn, but also to celebrate. To honor their legacy and remind ourselves why we continue to endure. The festival isn’t just about grief—it’s about weaving sorrow with hope, turning remembrance into strength for the days ahead.

[senjutsunade]

If Lady Hokage ever needs someone to watch Tonton, Rai would gladly do it. She adores the little piglet.

@wolfdemonofkonoha

After the latest incident, Tsunade doubts Shizune will be letting the big out of her sight.

If the need arises though...

"You like pigs, Rai?"