#…uh hahah

[metaphorsmybeloved]

Bain is dead and gone. The crew never found their navigator after the Dentist started experimenting on him, despite unearthing files and devices and emails.

Though there was no corpse to bury, the Dentist made it clear that he would never be found. How would the PAYDAY gang go on without their leader? With vengeance, of course. They barely escape by the skin of their teeth; scathed but alive. Houston teaches them to disappear, Joy painting over their footprints as they travel to a different state.

The contract broker was the one who came up with ideas. They would all pitch in to help with the execution, but the planning was all his. He was irreplaceable, they had just figured it out too late.

On their 10th anniversary, the crew decided to do something crazy, like old times. A heist that required everything to go perfectly well, one complete with disguises for a banquet.

Dallas could do it easily, the pretending. The new identities went a long way in distancing himself, a comfortable disconnect. He was confident in his ability to make up stories, enough to where he’d walk into a jewelry store to legally buy a ring that fit him.

The bell rung as Dallas walked through the front door, past the metal detectors, without breaking a sweat. A man stood behind the counter, closing his laptop to greet him. Dallas noted the other’s appearance—long hair, blue eyes—before looking down at golden bands, counting up their value.

“Welcome to Precious Things, how can I help you?” the worker asked, making Dallas do a double-take. He sounded like someone he knew, probably in passing.

“Yeah, was just looking for a ring for myself,” the criminal responded, putting his hand on the glass. Without a care in the world, the cashier grabbed it to inspect his fingers.

“Ten… no, ten and a half,” he quickly muttered to himself, belatedly realizing what he was doing. Dallas watched the man fumble, awkwardly shifting into a handshake.

“Sorry, it’s just that we haven’t had much business recently,” Dallas blinks a few times, firmly returning the gesture with a “don’t worry about it.”

The man behind the counter stoops down to pick up a plain, golden band, still holding on as he slid it onto Dallas’ left ring finger. He guessed that the other must’ve known from where he was looking.

“Guys usually like silver, though I was always a fan of gold, myself.” he seemed distracted, yet still lifted his eyes up to meet the customer’s gaze. Blue like the sky outside the window, and blue like the diamonds below.

“What, without even asking me out?” Dallas smiled, the other man’s social inadequacy loosening his muscles.

The worker chuckled at that, a low yet soft sound.

“Yeah, guess that was kinda rude,” he cleared his throat as he introduced himself, “you can call me Nathan, if you’d like.”

[vaguely-concerned]

nothing makes me roll my eyes quite like people making a big deal out of lucanis being 'the magekiller' while mostly being perfectly chill with mages in his personal life as if that's some huge objective flaw in the writing. like yeah it's his professional specialization not his personality or strongly held ideological conviction or anything. mages are tricky to kill and he's real good at it. that's why they pay him the big bucks. it's like saying a pest exterminator can only do his job if he's motivated by a deep personal vendetta waged against the entirety of rodentkind. the fact that he genuinely treats assassination like his 9-5 is, y'know. half of the whole guy, and this tracks with that wonderfully.

(honestly it's so perfect that the reason he specialized in that is, literally and canonically, that caterina looked over the books and went 'huh. we should diversify our murder portfolio, there's an untapped market here' and assigned it to him. he didn't even get to choose his own murder major, his grandmother decided that for him largely for straightforward economic reasons. dunno what to tell you, crows gonna crow. they're just merchant princes with extra knives at the end of the day, that is exactly why they'd make a choice like that, they're providing a service not going on crusades, even though lucanis manages to carve out some personal satisfaction in taking down especially shitty targets within that. I'm sorry you guys didn't get your angsty enemies to lovers arc or whatever but please understand that that only existed in your head to begin with and also that what we actually get here is infinitely funnier and MUCH more interesting, once you actually engage with the text earnestly. ssssh I didn't say that)

[witchkittymeow]

Dying might seem scary, but being alive is scary already

[ID: art of Eugene from Drawtectives. He's staring forward, surrounded by billowing green smoke and floating golden stars. His expression seems wary or maybe uncertain. End ID.]

[pjs-everyday]

lol working on some bnha requests in my inbox 😚 pinky teaching the boys how to dance 🩷✨

[lotusliasart]

I don't know what happened but I fell into the Evka/Antoine pit overnight after rereading parts of Tevinter Nights, and there's only a handful of things when I search for them so I'm adding to that pile myself!!

They've appeared multiple times in short stories and even the comics so I'm just waiting for DA4 stuff like "👀". Bioware pls give us the cute Wardens (preferably alive and well shjhfg but I'm expecting them to hurt me emotionally anyway bc this is DA after all, and there's been so much foreshadowing ;;v;;)

(Lineart below)

[radiance1]

"You know what happened to Odin?"

"No, what happened to Odin?"

"Exactly, you cannot step foot in the mortal realm like you are now. Follow in Odin's footsteps."

"No, I don't want to follow in the Allfather's footsteps."

"Stop whining like a child and take a mortal form love."

"No, I will not."

[Deep inhale] "Do you know what happened to Loki?"

"Loki? The trickster? What happened to that one?"

"Well, he's currently still trapped inside of a cave, chained by his son's own entrails as a snake eternally drips poison onto him, but that is beside the point."

"No that is exactly the point."

"No, it is not. His fate has no relation to the main subject of our conversation."

"Yes, it does."

"No, it does not- No. Stop making that face. I am not doing this again."

"What face?"

"You know what you're doing. Stop it."

"I don't think I will."

[Exasperated exhale.]

"You should follow in the god of mischief's footsteps, even he- no especially he knew the point of a convincing disguise."

"Hmmm."

"No."

"Dearly beloved if you do not take on a mortal form while living out your farmer fantasy then so help me, I will place you back inside the coffin from which you came."

"..."

"That would be beautiful really, but no thank you I'll take that mortal form now."

"Good." Clockwork smiled

An hour later....

"Is this convincing enough for you, my love?" Pariah Dark adjusted the straw hat sitting upon his head, trying to shift it into a position better suited for his hair.

Clockwork hummed, floating around Pariah to take in his new form from every angle. "Well, it is certainly better than your first try."

"Then can I leave now?"

"No."

Pariah sighed. Feeling as hands were gently placed on his shoulders and slowly guided him down to rest on his own legs as he felt hands run through his hair and his straw hat gently taken from his head. He sighed with small indignation as crossed his arms. "I spent a while trying to fit that over my hair properly, you were the one who told me to fit in, so why take it off?" Pariah grumbled.

"Yes, yes. I know love." Clockwork's fingers gently worked themselves through his king's hair, a deep and long sigh leaving the man's body as he fully relaxed, causing Clockwork to smile.

As he worked, Clockwork hummed a small tune lost to the seas of time, causing Pariah to perk up slightly, before, a few minutes later, also joining his lover's humming.

"There we are." Clockwork removed his hands from the other's hair, and Pariah took that as a single to stand up. He turned his head, carefully pulling the braid over his shoulder, he then quirked a brow. "Where did you get the flowers from?"

"From here and there." Clockwork smirked, one that Pariah knew meant he was receiving no answer to his question from, so he shrugged, moving the braid off his shoulder. "So, where exactly are you going to send me?"

"Right, yes." Clockwork waved him over, pulling up a small mirror of time as he shifted through locations. "So, you'll be going to this world and..."

===

Pariah Dark stared down at the door, in one hand holding a basket as he brought the other up in preparation to knock before freezing.

How does one interact with a human outside of violence and threats again?

He shifted, not for the first time realizing that he had to crouch down to even fit to get to his new neighbors door.

Humans are intimated by height, right?

Should he shrink?

His beloved never walked him through how to talk with humans what does he do????

Should he leave?

But then his beloved would be disappointed...

Okay, first things first.

Knocking.

He gently brought his fist forward, and tapped his knuckles against the door frame, small thunks sounding out with each and every knock.

He tapped a bit harder, each series good louder than the last.

Okay, he thinks he's getting good at this! He's practically a natural!

Oh, the door opened.

The door opened.

"Hello?" An old mortal woman peered up at him, or tried to, at the very least, for his head was well above the door.

Pariah Cleared his throat, moving his hand back in a small wave. "Greetings, mortal-" Shoot. Normal mortals don't talk like that. "I am Pariah Dar- I mean Ark."

He coughed, moving his other hand forwards to present her with the basket. "I bring you an offering in hopes of creating an alliance-" Alliance, really Pariah? Really? "Between the two of us that will foster until the end of time!"

The human woman below hesitantly took the basket, probably shocked, and then just. Stood, there.

Ancients, did he accidentally kill her? He didn't even do anything! Were humans always so fragile?!

The woman cleared her throat, and stepped out of the doorway. "Thank you very much dearie, that's very kind of you!"

Why is she smiling.

Ancients she's smiling he wasn't prepared for this. His beloved never told him his neighbors would smile he wasn't ready-

Annnnd he already teleported away.

Pariah groaned, reaching up his hands to his hair before suddenly remembering who it was braided by, before lowering down to cover his face as he crouched besides his own house.

A nearby horse wandered over and nipped at his hair.

"I was supposed to get a name, Elizabeth." Pariah despaired. "A name!"

@pennerjones

[laddertek]

there have been streams where tango and etho have chatted redstone and game development and that's been so so good and so fun to listen to, the way their minds work together and they push and pull with ideas and curiosity.

but then there's the stream today that's like, a first...(other than the little bit of figuring out stat poker and the non-redstone planning of the gaming district in season 7)...where they're completely collaborating on this redstone project together, from scratch. like it's the both of them creating one thing, forming it together as they go, and they just work so well together. aaand have fun!

idk I just love the way they vibe and problem solve together so much. just a great pairing and great equals. it's amazing it's taken till now for a full redstone collaboration like this to properly happen, but I'm so glad it's here now.

[cosmophalhemr]

Keep money from the femboy, your brain gets crushed

[bunberrypancake]

*pats Raphael on the head*

It's ok, your feelings are really valid and you both should get lots of love and affection.

-Reupload, sorry didnt realize it had a mistake-

[sindevilslit]

being stupid, little dumb maybe

[literalite]

hes just taking a nap its ok guys

[iz-nomerants]

Me, thinking of fluff scenarios: I have got to write that

Me, an aromantic writing it: Ewwww 😭😭

[faefrosting]

CandyLand AU by @garbagechocolate

Can be read at @dcandyland

Vesper (the werebeast rambling about stars) is my sona

[i-am-a-fan]

To remedy the unlucky, meet a honkai star rail oc!

[britishsass]

It's one of those very rare occasions when I get into a fanfic reading binge and bam. AO3 dies.

[daily-isabeau]

Oh red lead save me red lead