#“why did you give birth to me?” “i did it to survive. longer than anyone.” i'm gonna kill you

[goldiipond]

isabella tpn is such an insane character because the way she treats the main kids in the escape arc and ray just in general is infuriating but on the other hand if i spent months singing my dead best friend's original song for comfort while carrying a child i did not want and a few years later heard that same song being sung by one of the livestock children i have to care for despite never singing it around any of them i think my brain would have factory reset

[walpu]

Happy birthday Aventurine

...in which he finds himself enjoying his birthday for the first time after he lost everything

notes - gn!reader, was written with a stellaron hunter!reader in mind but it's not specified just know you're considered a criminal in this one, pre-canon, unestablished relationship with a flavor of pining, angs, hurt/comfort, no beta

Love my birthday boy

He doesn't celebrate his birthdays. Not since the day he lost everything. How can he celebrate the joy of his birth if on this day all the joy was taken away from him?

Born on the blessed day, he's Mother Goddess's beloved child. But why did she abandon her people then? Why it had to happen on the day they were celebrating her, on the day they were supposed to be saved? How can he see himself as something other than cursed, how can he see the day as something other than tragedy?

Anyhow, even if he would want to celebrate, for the first years after the massacre he didn't even have the opportunity to do so. And if he could, he would rather mourn his people, his family. But no, he can only focus on his survival, trying to fulfill the promise he gave to his sister.

Now, standing in the lonely hotel room, he can only smile bitterly at the sight of beautifully decorated cake Jade has send him. How ironic, wasn't she the one who told him to forget his name and his past? Perhaps she simply doesn't look at this the same way he does. "You can't change what happened but you can celebrate that you're still here", she would probably say. He envies her ability to brush off sentiments, really.

Now, when he is no longer Kakavasha but Aventurine of the Ten Stonehearts, he was deliberately choosing to ignore this day. It has nothing to do with his new self.

He may still hold onto his mother's necklace, his father's shirt, the promise he gave to his big sis. But this day? He doesn't need it. He doesn't need another reminder of the moment he lost everything.

That's what he tells himself, ignoring the pain in his chest, trying to bury himself in the work, running away on a mission he insisted on taking, even if was supposed to be his day off.

Still, he gets the cake. This stupid reminder of the worst day in his life.

It honestly feels like a joke. He doesn't even have anyone to eat this with!

He knows Jade didn't try to mock him, she's pragmatic, not crue. But aeons, it does feel like mockery still.

So he sits with this stupid cake in front of him, not really knowing if he should just throw it away. Somehow it feels... wrong. Wasteful. He knows how stupid that thought is, both him and Jade are rich enough to buy thouthands of those cakes. Yet he can't help but remember how his mom and sister would go out of their ways to give him something nice for his birthdays, something that could be considered a treat, a gift. Now he can have everything he wants but... they won't be there to share it with him.

No one is there to share it with him.

... at least he thinks so. Up until the moment the window opens from the outside (eighteenth floor, mind you) and a very familiar figure jumps in.

He really can't help but smile. Not only out of habit but because your ability to sneak in anywhere you want is truly amusing.

"Oh, what I see? A wanted criminal breaking into the room of one of the IPC's most noticeable employees? Don't you afride of being caught, my dear? Or you've finally decided to end our partnership and get rid of me?"

He can't help but chuckle at your unimpressed gaze. Yes, he has told this joke more than once already. But it's not his fault it always make you roll your eyes in a funny way.

But he really is curious what brought you here. Showing up like that is very risky, for both of you. Something serious must have happened if you decided to visit him out of the blue.

... that's what he thinks until you pull out a small gift box from your pocket, throwing it his way.

"A little birdie told me today it's your birthday. I don't usually participate in the whole gift giving tradition. Nor do I celebrate something myself. But those things reminded me of you and I was nearby anyway" you say with a cheeky smile.

He doesn't even know how to react, honestly. His hands just automatically unwrap the box and... oh. It's a set of earrings. A very pretty set of earrings.

"They reminded me of peacock tails" you say, barely holding back a chuckle.

"How original you are. I'm a birthday boy, you should be nicer, you know!" he acts like it's just a small joke between you two but his voice is weaker than usual and his hands are a bit shaky. He doesn't want to overthink it, he really shouldn't do it, it's just a small gift, a joke.

You thought of him. You know his taste well enough. I came to find him. You're here with him.

He almost panics when you say your goodbyes and turn to leave (through the window again. He'll never know how you do it).

"Hey, hey, no need to hurry. Let me be a good host for my friend" he says with his signature smile (he always feels like you see right through it) while his hand is clenched behind his back (he feels like you see through this too).

Please don't leave.

When you sigh and turn back to face him, he suddenly feels relieved that Jade send him the cake. The thought of sharing it with a wanted criminal who caused nothing but headaches to the IPC is somewhat amusing.

"How about we visit a nearby casino after this, hm? I promise you won't lose with me by your side"

If he can have you by his side, mayve he'll have at least one memory of this day untainted by pain and grief.

[paintyoureyeswithavividmind]

close to home | chapter sixty

close to home | chapter sixty

plot: the reader's life changes after the death of Rick Grimes

series masterlist

Pairing: Eventual Daryl Dixon x f!reader Word Count: 4,087 Warnings: violence, blood, typical twd A/N: thank you for reading!!! Good luck with this one

Rick’s death was felt in every community, and things fell apart. The saviors were left to survive on their own, and the other communities grew distant in the following weeks. You returned to Alexandria with Daryl and Michonne, while Maggie went to the Hilltop and Carol to the Kingdom. 

You spent eight months there with a pregnant Michonne, helping to build up what Rick’s death tore down. But when the children were kidnapped and on the mission to rescue them, you found Rick’s revolver. Daryl told you he wanted to keep looking for Rick’s body. 

You didn’t think he’d ever be able to find a body; it was most likely torn apart from the explosion. But he was your husband, so you went with him. 

You helped Daryl every day looking for a body, moving further east almost every day. You didn’t settle in one spot for more than a day or two. Slowly, days became weeks, and weeks became two months, and then five more. You hadn’t seen anyone in seven months. And you were tired. 

Daryl had shut down on you, and you couldn’t pull him back. You knew he felt Rick’s death deeply, more deeply than you. There was nothing you could do to make him feel better, nothing you could do to make him laugh or smile. He was lost, and you couldn’t find him. And you were losing yourself. Even though you were with him and had Tora with you, you were alone.

But each time you tried to talk to him about stopping or even just taking a break, he wouldn’t hear it. So there was nothing for you to do. You didn’t want to leave him out here alone, but you couldn’t stay anymore.

“I’m going home,” You finally said one early Spring morning.

Daryl looked at you but didn’t say anything. 

“I want to go home, Daryl.” You stood up. “I miss my family. I haven’t seen them in months. We missed the birth of Michonne and Rick’s baby. We don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl. And I don’t even know where the hell we are.”

Again, he didn’t say anything.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” You said, your voice rising. “Come home with me, Daryl, please?”

“I can’.”

“You can. You have to. I can’t stay out here any longer.” 

He didn’t say anything after that, he just walked away. You scoffed and sat back down on the stupid, thin mattress pad and looked at Tora through teary eyes. You laid back and curled yourself into a ball, sobbing as Tora tried to comfort you the best she could.

***

You left before dawn the following day. You couldn’t bring yourself to say goodbye and needed to go home for a while. You promised yourself you’d come back and find him, but you needed to be home.

***

You sobbed into Michonne’s arms as she held you on the couch. You couldn’t stop crying, and you were struggling to breathe.

“I couldn’t do it anymore,” You choked out. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t. He’s not the same anymore… I can’t help him…”

Michonne shushed you and rubbed the back of your head. “You did everything you could. You were out there with him for seven months. If there is anyone that could’ve helped it, it would’ve been you.”

“I don’t wanna lose him,” You sobbed. “I was such a coward leaving the way I did. But I couldn’t do it…”

Michonne held you as you cried for another twenty minutes, and you rambled on and on about how guilty you felt, how broken he was, and how alone you were. She was able to calm you down enough that you were able to breathe. 

And then Judith walked into the room, and you couldn’t believe how big she was. She was pushing five by now. 

“Aunt (Y/N),” She smiled and ran to you. You cried again when she jumped into your lap to give you a hug. “Why are you crying?”

“I’m happy to see you,” You lied. “I missed you so much.” You hugged the little girl again. 

“Did you come to see RJ?”

You glanced at Michonne, immediately knowing what the R meant. She nodded at you with a small smile, and you stood up, carrying the little girl. “How did you know that? You are so smart, Judith!” 

***

Later that night, you were sitting in the basement of Michonne’s house, the room you and Daryl moved into. None of you could take living in the same house Carl used to, so you all moved into one of the townhouses. You and Daryl had discussed going to a different one, but Rick and Michonne insisted you stay with them. Neither of you put up a fight because it felt better being with them under one roof. 

All your crap was around the room. Your old clothes you hadn’t seen in months, shoes, and little things you picked up here and there. It was hard being in there. You decided to clear it out and remove what you didn’t want anymore. 

An hour later, you found Carl’s note in your nightstand drawer. You put it there when you came home to Alexandria and never opened it. 

His writing was faded, and your eyes were already tearing up when you opened it. 

(Y/N),

You were the first person we let into our lives at the prison. I remember the first time I saw you. I was waiting for my dad to kill you. I’m glad he didn’t. You became one of my closest friends, and I know you know that Tora was my world for a long time. Thank you for sharing her with a scrawny kid in a policeman’s hat. 

My dad and I owe you a debt of gratitude that could never be repaid. You saved my sister; you saved us that day in Terminus. And I will always be thankful for you. I don’t have any room to ask you any favors, not after everything you’ve done for my family. But I need to ask you one more. 

Please watch over Judith for me. She will have dad and a mom with Michonne, but she is going to need you. Be her friend, like you were to me. Make her laugh and feel like she has value, no matter how young she is. I know she’s going to beat this world, and I know you’ll be there too. Please watch over my sister for me. I’m sorry I can’t, and I’m sorry to ask this of you, but I need to. 

I buried a box by the oak tree near the tower. Inside are all my comics. I didn’t want the saviors to take them. Promise me you’ll read them with her? I know you did it for me because you love me, just like I know you’ll do it for her. 

Try not to throw yourself headfirst into danger, (Y/N). I’ve seen you do things without thinking about your safety. I wanted to be like you when I grew up. I like to think I was, in a way. But I need you alive to watch over Judith. 

I hope you get to read this letter. The saviors have you now, and I’m scared I’ll never see you again. If I don’t, I want you to know that I love you. That I thought of you as a sister, and I’ll be watching over you. 

Thank you for everything I’ll never be able to repay you for.

Carl

***

After crying yourself to sleep that night in a bed you used to share with Daryl, you woke up feeling calm. Your thoughts consisted of when you were with the saviors and how you managed to pull yourself through it. There were lingering emotional scars that had you disturbed when a man stared at you too long, but you were mostly healed--thanks to someone who’d only given you fresh scars. 

There were only a few residents up when you walked outside. It was brisk, and you crossed your arms to keep warm. You were headed to a place you never thought you’d go to. You refused each time Rick had asked and wanted nothing to do with the monster living below you in a cell. 

But today was different. And after Carl’s letter, you had things to say. 

You’d swiped the keys from Michonne, of course, and let yourself into the room. You knew he was awake and took a deep breath when you approached the cell. 

Negan looked at you for a long moment. “Hi, baby,” He sighed. 

“You look like shit.”

“No surprises there. You’re still the same woman I knew. I didn’t think you’d ever be here.”

You wrapped your hand around the cell bar and looked at how terrible he looked. He didn’t look at all like the man he once was, and it pleased you. You were glad to see how awful he looked. How he was rotting away in a cell. 

“Why did you take me?” You asked. A question that always burned in your mind. You thought back to that fateful day at the lineup and when he said those words: time to collect on anything. 

“Because you remind me of someone.” Negan stood up and walked closer to you. “The way you said what you wanted to say, take no prisoners and shit like that. And because if I had you, I could control Daryl. And I wanted him to join me.”

You stared up at his face. His beard had grown thicker, and his eyes looked tired. “Who did I remind you of?”

“My wife,” was all he said. 

You swallowed the lump in your throat and took your hand off the bar. “I came down here to tell you thank you. For what you saved me from that night at the Sanctuary. I’m tired of holding onto my anger, and I’m tired of feeling this way because of you and the war. I want to be free of it.”

“You deserve it, baby,” Negan said. 

You took a deep breath. “I’m not going to try and kill you. I’m moving forward with my life. But I won’t stop anyone who tries.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything different from you.”

You nodded and you turned around to leave but paused at the door. “Your wife… that’s why I was special, right? Why you did things for me but not the other wives?” Your back was still toward him. 

“If things were different, I would’ve loved you.”

***

Three weeks later, you found Daryl again after a day of looking. He stared at you blankly, and you crossed your arms, standing a few feet away. 

“I’m sorry for leaving the way I did.” 

He scoffed and shook his head. 

“I am, Daryl. But I told you. I told you a million times I was miserable, and you didn’t listen.” You reminded him. “Michonne had a son. His name is RJ. He has Rick’s eyes.”

“That all ya came to say? Don’ wanna keep ya.”

“Don’t be an asshole, Daryl.” You said. “You didn’t come after me. You knew where I was going.”

“I been busy!” Daryl yelled. “Ya the one who left.”

“No, you left!” You nearly screamed. “Rick’s dead, Daryl! He’s dead. I can’t keep looking for ghosts. I’m sorry… I can’t. Come home with me. Judith misses you. She keeps asking when her uncle is coming back.”

Daryl only stared at you. 

“You pushed me away. Even before you left. We stopped talking, we stopped laughing. We stopped having sex. You pushed every part of us away in your grief, and I understand it, but it’s been over a year now. You need to come home.”

“Nah, ain’ home.” He swung his crossbow over his shoulder. 

“What? So I’m not home anymore? What happened to nothing keeping us apart?”

“That was before ya left me!”

You groaned in frustration. “You have until next month. I’ll be back then, and I’m bringing you back home. I don’t care if I have to knock you on your ass to do.”

***

You couldn’t find Daryl a month later. Or the month after that. The month after, you spent three days combing the woods for him before you gave up. You finally found him the next month.

“Please come home with me, please,” You begged him, dropping onto your knees. “I’ll do anything. I’ll do anything, honey. I can’t take you being out here. It’s been almost a year and a half.”

But he shook his head and walked away, and you cried on your knees as mud soaked through your jeans.

***

You didn’t go to see Daryl for four months. You couldn’t. You threw yourself in Alexandria and bounced around between the other communities to try and keep the peace when you could, but it was hard sneaking around Michonne. Maggie was gone, working with Georgie down south, and she took your nephew, too. You felt really alone after that. 

Tora was approaching her eighth birthday, which made you even more depressed. 

Judith had turned five already and slept in your bed almost every night. And every time she called Michonne 'mom', it made you want to cry out of happiness for your best friend. And RJ warmed up to you quickly; he was twelve months old and growing fast. You helped Michonne with the two of them; you knew she needed it. And Judith and RJ had a special place in your heart. 

When you finally decided to go to Daryl again, and after Michonne made sure you were sure you could handle it--because you always came home so broken--it took you a week to find him. It was easy enough to track him when he wanted to be found. But when he didn’t, it was an entirely different story. 

He’d set up a hut by the river bank, and seeing it made your heart hurt. It made everything seem official. He wasn’t coming back. He knew it, and you had to accept it. 

A dog ran up to you, sniffing at your hands and you froze at the animal for a moment before deciding he was friendly enough.

“‘M fine, Carol. Don’ gotta keep checkin’ on me.” His back was turned toward you. 

“I’m not Carol.” 

Daryl stilled when he heard your voice and he slowly turned around. Your heart both ached and jumped when you saw his face. He looked exhausted and sad. He looked lonely. You weren’t sure what to say, so you looked down at the dog and rubbed its ear. 

After a moment of silence, Daryl spoke. “What ya doin’ here? Thought ya wasn’ comin’ back.”

“Would you prefer I didn’t?” You asked. 

He was silent, and you couldn’t tell if it was good or bad. 

“Who’s this?” You asked, nodding your head toward the dog. “Made a friend, I see.”

“That’s Dog.”

You smiled; of course, that was the name he’d given it. “Where’d you find him?” Daryl remained quiet as he looked at his crossbow. You knew him well enough to know he was hiding something. “Well, you gonna tell me?”

“I ain’ get him from anywhere. And I ain’ goin’ anywhere so don’ ask.”

“Asshole,” You muttered. “I don’t know why I even bother.” You knelt down to pet Dog further and chuckled when he kissed your cheek. The German Shepperd gave you a few more before settling down. 

You felt Daryl’s gaze on you, and when you turned, you could see the conflict in his face. “What?”

“Came from a woman,” Daryl said. 

Your hand froze and you slowly stood up. “What?”

“Dog. He came from a woman who lives a few miles west. He was hers. Liked me better, I guess.”

Your stomach twisted into a roll of anxiety so tight you felt like you couldn’t breathe. “You and her are what, friends…?”

“Huh?”

“I’m just curious, is all,” You said bitterly as you walked toward him. “Clearly, you had to have spent time with her for the dog to like you better.”

Daryl looked at you and shook his head. “Ain’ like that, (Y/N).”

Your fingers twitched as you approached him, and you couldn’t stop yourself from shoving him backwards. “No? It isn’t like that!” You yelled. 

“(Y/N).”

“You stupid son of a bitch!” You shoved him again. “I’ve been begging you to come home with me for over a year! I’ve been begging you, Daryl. And you refuse. You refused at every fucking turn.” You shoved him one more time until his back hit a tree.

“(Y/N), stop.” He grabbed your arms, but you tore them away from him. 

“Don’t touch me!” You screamed, not caring if every walker in a mile radius heard you. “I’ve cried for you every night for months. Every night! I’m supposed to be your wife! You promised me you’d be with me no matter what. You promised!” 

You hit your hands against his chest. “And come to find out you’re here with another woman! You’d rather her company than mine.” Your anger was getting the better of you, and you hit him again. “How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me? How could you? We’re supposed to be married!”

You wiped your tears and took a few steps back, trying to pull yourself together. “I can’t believe I’ve been so fucking stupid!” You yelled, and then you started laughing bitterly through your tears. “And you said you wanted to start a family with me?”

“(Y/N), I-”

“Shut the fuck up!” You screamed. “I don’t care. I don’t fucking care. Fuck you, Daryl Dixon.” You pulled your ring off your finger and threw it at his face. “I’m done. I’m so fucking done with you. I never wanna see you again! Don’t come back to Alexandria; don’t ever come back! You ruined everything!” 

You wiped more tears as you turned away from him and started walking away. But you paused and looked back at him. “Ryan from the Kingdom has been flirting with me whenever I’m there. I always turned him down. I’m going straight there, and I’m going to fuck him all night.”

***

Ten more months passed, and spring rolled around. You hadn’t seen Daryl after your final fight and your divorce, in a way. You didn’t go to the Kingdom to fuck Ryan like you said. You went straight home to Alexandria, locked yourself in your bedroom, and cried for two days. 

But it was spring again, and the distance between you and Daryl made things easier. Your heart ached each time you thought about him, and there were many times you walked up to the gate to find him, but neither Michonne nor Rosita let you, not after seeing what it did to you every time. And after Michonne learned about the mysterious woman, she didn’t even let you think about it. 

It took a month of asking her to let you go to Hilltop and the Kingdom before she finally caved. You promised you wouldn’t go see Daryl, and you meant it. Despite your longing for him, you had no interest in seeing him. You were done with being hurt. 

You visited Hilltop first and checked in on everyone there, Tora in tow. Everyone was happy to see you and her, and you spent a few days helping them. Then you made your way to the Kingdom, where you wanted to be. As much as you loved Alexandria and the people there, being at the Kingdom made you feel free. 

“(Y/N)!” Ezekiel was ecstatic when he saw you. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I had to get out of Alexandria a bit. I wanted to see you guys.” You gave him a big hug. “How’s Henry? How’s Jerry? How’s everyone?” You laughed. 

“Everyone is exceptional, as always in the Kingdom.” He said as he lifted Tora up. “I’ve missed you!” 

You smiled and followed him through the community, waving at a few friends you saw. Carol was working with Henry in the gardens, and she smiled widely when she saw you. It’d been too long since you’d seen her, and you ran up to hug her.

“I missed you,” Carol said. 

Henry told you the same and gave you a hug as well.

“You’ve gotten so big!” You told him. “Gosh, it’s so nice to be here. I was hoping I could stay awhile?”

*** 

You stayed in the Kingdom for almost six months before returning to Alexandria. At that point, you were just over three years since Rick died and almost two since your marriage ended. Things got easier, but you didn’t get over your broken heart. 

Two more years passed, and Judith celebrated her eighth birthday, and you and Michonne made her party special. But even after so long, you felt the lack of Daryl’s presence. You hadn’t seen him in years. You knew he was alive--Carol sent you letters. You even went to the river to look for him once a few months ago but turned back before you got too far. 

But now you were at the Kingdom again; you’d traded your useless gun for a new bow and arrow--your original one was long gone. But you were good, and you and Carol trained daily. 

When she asked you if you wanted to go on a run with her and a few others, you thought it was a great idea. Especially since Henry would be joining you and learning some field experience, as he kept calling it.

You’d already been out for a few hours when the group took a break. Ryan was amongst the group, and he tried to talk to him, but you weren’t ready, even after all this time. 

That didn’t stop Carol from noticing. 

“Ryan’s kinda cute.” 

You glanced at the man before looking at Carol. “Too young for me.”

“Ah, that’s right. I forgot you like them older.”

You gave her a look. “Daryl and I are done. We have been for years.”

“He still wears his ring. He has yours around his neck.” 

You sighed and brought your knees up. “Why are you telling me this?”

“He’s been asking about you. Every time I go visit. He wants to talk to you.”

You scoffed. “Now he wants to talk to me? I tried for years.”

Your friend nodded and wrapped her arm around your shoulders. “That’s what I told him. And I support your decision no matter what, but I’m trying to be a good friend to the both of you.”

“I know, and I don’t want you put in the middle of anything. Thank you.”

“You miss him?”

You nodded slowly and leaned your head against her shoulder. “Every day. I can’t shake it. I know I still love him.”

“He was crying. He begged me to talk to you. I think he’s really lost right now.”

“I tried, though, Carol, for almost two years.” You sat up. “What else was I supposed to do?”

She frowned and nodded. “You did much more than someone else would’ve done.”

***

You were heading back to the Kingdom the evening when you ran into trouble. A group of men appeared out of nowhere with guns and had the group stuck. Carol tried to do most of the talking, and to protect the group, letting them take what they wanted. You couldn’t tell if they were saviors on the run or not. 

But Henry, being the hot-headed teenager he was, didn’t stand for that and had a man on the ground. 

“Henry!” Carol yelled. 

You heard gunfire and watched as the man next to you dropped, and you stood in shock while the group ran off with the supplies. You looked at Carol, who was scolding Henry, and you called out to her.

“Carol… I feel funny.”

When she looked up at you, she gasped. 

“What?” You looked down as your head swayed. Your shirt was covered in blood, and your hand, which you didn’t even realize was resting on it, was coated in blood. You felt dizzy, and your knees weakened. “I think I got shot.”

That was the last thing you said before your head hit the group, and darkness consumed you. 

[bloodstained-porcelain-doll]

The Kneeling Queen, ch 2 - Aemond Targaryen x OC

Read on AO3 Summary: Aemond Targaryen and Maelessa Velaryon were childhood lovers. They were each other’s only comfort in a world full of darkness. When they grew up, their love blossomed until they were the only thing the other cared about. Their lives get increasingly complicated due to the fact that they’re supposed to be on opposite sides of the war. Will their love survive or will it burn to ash as the war ensues?

Warnings: Smut, mentions of mutilation, non canonical dragons, canonical character death

Chapter 2 - Illegitimacy

“I do not understand why you spend so much time with that boy! Don’t you care that he questions your own brother’s claim to the throne? The legitimacy of your birth!” Rhaenyra yelled.

“He’s kind to me! The others bully him, mother. Jace and Luke, Baela and Rhaena, even Aegon always bullies him! I’m his only friend and I love him!” Maelessa screamed back.

“He will betray you the first chance he gets, Maelessa. If Alicent plots against us, do you truly think he will take your side? And he stole the dragon that was Rhaena’s to claim.”

“Zaldrizes buzdari iksos daor!” she insisted, and Rhaenyra’s eyes widened, taken aback by her daughter’s words. 

“Who told you that?” she asked.

“Aemond did. You can’t steal dragons, mother, you know that as well as I do. If you could, Daemon would be riding Meleys and I would be riding Vermithor. Instead he has Caraxes and I have Catlys, the smallest little beast of them all. And I have this,” she continued, holding up her hand, showing the missing little finger on her right hand, the one Vermithor had bitten off. “If Vhagar didn’t want Aemond as a rider, he would have lost his head, not his eye.” 

Rhaenyra couldn’t argue with her logic, so she sighed.

“I still do not trust him, Lessa. You’re not allowed into his chamber anymore. You may still spend time with him, but enough of this incessant sneaking around, hiding from the guards and climbing into his chamber at night. No more, do you understand? Soon you will be old enough for people to get the wrong idea,” she urged, holding her daughter firmly by her shoulders.

“Yes, mother,” she agreed, but as soon as the ship took her back to King’s Landing with Aemond and the king’s family, she had no plans on obeying.

The years passed and Maelessa and Aemond’s escapades only grew in number. Almost every night she would climb out her window, walk the narrow path past all the windows and climb towards Aemond’s chamber. When his voice deepened with age, Maelessa grew even more obsessed with his stories, and she found herself no longer falling asleep to his tales, rather she laid by his feet and listened with great pleasure as he scratched her back. When she was twelve and Aemond fourteen, they shared their first kiss, after he took her for a ride on Vhagar’s back for the first time. 

When she was fourteen and he was sixteen, he deflowered her. It happened one night when she snuck into his chamber after a particularly gruesome fight with her brothers. She had been in need of comfort, and they both found themselves craving each other in a way deeper and more primal than before. The act had been awkward and uncomfortable, but they had both yearned for it. She knew as the daughter of the princess she should remain a maid, but she didn’t want to give the gift of her virtue to anyone but to him. He had been gentle and patient with her, being that he was the only one of them with any experience, even if it was scarce.

At ages fifteen and seventeen, Aemond and Maelessa were inseparable. The king’s health worsened with each passing year, and by now he looked twice his age. Aemond was Maelessa’s only comfort amongst all the worry. Her supposed father Laenor had now died, and Daemon and Rhaenyra were married, on Dragonstone making new siblings for Maelessa and the boys, feeding the suspicions about the now four of them being bastards. The younger children came out with silver hair just like their parents, a luxury that was never afforded to herself and her brothers. 

Aegon and Helaena were already betrothed, with twins on the way, and there were rumours within her family of Jace and Baela as well as Luke and Rhaena about to become betrothed as well. Maelessa was going to suggest to her mother that she could be betrothed to Aemond, the next time she came to visit. 

Vhagar landed on a secluded little island, and Aemond helped Maelessa climb down off of the giant dragon. Her own tiny beast named Catlys still too small to ride, but she was quick and agile, flying after Vhagar happily. She was black as coal and flew through the air like a bat. The little dragon continued roaming the skies, while Vhagar slumped down, her head resting in the sand with a great sigh.

“Old and tired, she is. Surprisingly stealthy for her size though.” Aemond gave Vhagar a pat on her great big nose before he and Maelessa began to walk, exploring the small island.

“I love when you take me places on her back. I never want to stop exploring the world with you. When we’re older, can we go further? There’s so much of Westeros I want to see,” she asked, tangling her fingers in his as they held hands. He pushed her up against a tree trunk.

“We can go anywhere you want,” he said, closing the distance between them and leaning in to kiss her neck. She leaned her head to the side, granting him access to whatever part of her he desired. “You’ll never leave me, will you, Maelītsos?” he asked, his hand snaking down her body and in between her legs. She helped him hike her gown up to her thighs and he slipped his hand underneath.

“Never, my prince. You’re all I want, all I care about,” she assured him, and in turn was rewarded with his fingers inside her smallclothes, teasing her quickly dampening pussy. She spread her legs and welcomed him in, leaning forward to kiss his lips. His talents had grown, the intimacy between them no longer awkward, but blissful.

“More than your own brothers?”

“Yes.” His fingers curled upwards, turning her statement into a pleasured whimper.

“More than your own mother?”

“More than anything, Aemond,” she swore. He added another finger and fucked her with them until she clung to his shoulders, a whimpering mess in his arms. “Please, Aemond, claim me again,” she begged, bucking her hips up against him. “Hard, like last time…”

“As my princess wishes.” He picked her up and walked them away from the sand and over to the grass, where he dropped her down so she landed on her bum. He flipped her over onto her stomach and pushed her dress up onto her back. She heard the sound of his belts and breeches being removed, then felt his weight as he mounted her from behind. When he entered her she cried out. He was big and hard, stretching her inner walls out painfully, yet she revelled in the sensation. 

When it came to Aemond, she could take as much pain as he wanted to give. Sometimes he was gentle with her, taking his time and littering her entire body with kisses, cherishing her and pleasuring her carefully. Other times he was rough and unforgiving, claiming her with force and leaving purple marks in his wake, everywhere that clothes could cover. Truthfully she preferred the second way.

“Ñuha syz riña,” he praised when he slammed into her, forcing her body down into the ground. Her pussy quivered around him at the praise. He fisted his hand in her hair and yanked at it, kissing and biting at her neck and jaw. His panting and groans of pleasure turned her on, and she was grinding her hips back up against him as he thrust into her. 

“My prince… Aemond… I’m about to…” she moaned, writing in pleasure under the man who had laid claim to her soul.

“Let go for me, kēlītsos, I want to hear you scream for me,” he urged, pounding her into the ground until she was sure her hips were scraped up. The waves of pleasure ripped through her and she gave him what he wanted, screaming his name over and over as she came undone, her hands ripping out grass as wave after wave of pleasure rolled over her. Seconds later, Aemond pulled out of her and she hurried up onto her knees, letting him paint her face with his seed as he took his pleasure, winding a hand into her hair and groaning loudly. She loved when he marked her like this, and she stuck her tongue out to taste the drops that ran down to her mouth. She cleaned him up with her tongue and moaned as he twitched in pleasure inside her mouth.

“Ñuha syz riña,” he repeated, releasing his grip of her hair to pet her gently instead. She closed her eyes and leaned into him, basking in his affection. They cuddled up together and sat like that for hours, talking until they almost fell asleep. In the evening, Aemond struck down a rabbit and skinned it for supper. Maelessa made the fire and they ate together. They both knew they would be yelled at for staying out so late together, but neither of them cared. Alicent was losing power over Aemond more and more with each passing year. After eating, Maelessa braided his silky soft hair into an elaborate warrior braid, and then they climbed back onto Vhagar and flew back to King’s Landing, Catlys following gladly.

Catlys’ scales shone with a beautiful black glisten, she had gleaming blue eyes, two curled horns on her head, and she was the size of a large dog. Her tail was short and stumpy with rough spikes growing out of it. It was fate, they reminisced, that the eyes of her dragon were the same colour as Aemond’s sapphire eye. He never felt compelled to wear his eyepatch around Maelessa, he knew in her eyes he was the most beautiful thing to ever exist, regardless of the state of him.

Just as they suspected, Alicent and Otto were both angry with them upon their return.

“What would your mother say about the way you’re traipsing around with a man you’re not betrothed to?” Alicent asked.

“Let us be betrothed, then,” Aemond suggested calmly. Otto wasn’t opposed to the idea, but Alicent refused.

“Out of the question. Rhaenyra and I have already discussed it.”

“It is a possibility, daughter,” Otto interjected.

“It is not, this discussion is not to be opened again. Both of you are grown now, it’s time to act like it.”

***

Maelessa’s family was coming back to King’s Landing to visit. Despite having refused to follow them home to Dragonstone last time, she did miss them. She fought a lot with her mother, but they loved each other nonetheless. She didn’t feel much for Daemon, but she liked his spirit. He and Aemond were two sides of the same coin. Mostly she missed her brothers, and she was excited to meet the new little siblings.

“There, now you look like a queen,” Aemond said, finishing the elaborate crown braid in her hair.

“Then it’s only fair you should look like a king,” she answered and they switched seats. She began making a fierce looking warrior braid in Aemond’s hair.

“You’re excited to see them again, aren’t you?” he asked, his long fingers stroking her thighs leisurely as she sat on her knees behind him on the bed, braiding.

“Very. Despite our squabbles, I find my brothers quite entertaining to spend time with.”

“Hmm,” Aemond mused, pulling at her legs so she stretched them out in front of him. He hiked her dress up to her knees and traced patterns on her calves with his fingers. “I want to mark you,” he said calmly. Maelessa frowned.

“What do you mean, mark?” She tied off the last braid and wrapped her arms around his neck from behind, leaning her chin on his shoulder.

“Since they won’t let us wed, there’s a chance they’ll want to wed you to some other lickspittle lord with a castle or a bridge somewhere. I want whatever cunt touches you to know that I’ve laid claim to you, mind, body and soul. I want to carve my name into your flesh and watch it scar,” he said, digging his nails into her skin until she winced in pain. “Would you let me if I asked, Maelītsos?” he wondered, turning around to face her. 

Her breath felt heavy while she pondered his question. It was an absolutely insane thing to ask, she knew it. Any lord who saw Aemond’s markings on her body would break off the marriage and renounce her as ruined. Her future would be in shambles and she would disgrace her entire family. But still she had no doubt of her answer. Her voice was a whisper when she answered.

“There is nothing I wouldn’t let you do to me, Aemond. If you wish to chain me to you and parade me naked through the streets of King’s Landing, I’ll go willingly. If you want to beat me black and blue every time we lay together, I’ll take the pain.” She ran her fingers down his missing eye, over the patch he wore. “If you want to cut out my eye, I’ll sharpen the knife for you. I am yours wholeheartedly, Aemond, as long as you are mine.”

Aemond took her face in his hands and kissed her softly. His eye was wide with lust at her confession of all the horrible things she would gladly let him do to her.

“I am yours until the day I die, and even in death I’ll haunt you, my love. I will never let them tear us apart,” he said. Then he kissed her again and laid claim to her body once more, marking her with bruises and welts as he took her. This was the first time he used his belt to strike her, but it would not be the last.

It seemed that whenever Maelessa’s family was back in King’s Landing, drama ensued. On this day, it wasn’t the heir to the throne that was challenged, it was the heir to Driftmark. Since Jace was the eldest son, he was Rhaenyra’s heir. That made Maelessa next in line to be heir to Driftmark. But because she had refused to go home to Dragonstone with her family and stayed here with “the greens”, Lord Corlys and princess Rhaenys had sought it more fit to name Lucerys heir. She didn’t care much, Driftmark was a world away in her eyes and nothing that interested her. Her home was here in King’s Landing, that’s where she felt at peace. 

Maelessa welcomed her mother with a large smile, running down the stairs in the courtyard to greet her. She was pregnant again, with what would be her and Daemon’s third child. 

“You’re glowing, mother, you look so beautiful,” Maelessa said, putting her hands on her mother’s growing belly.

“Thank you. Can you feel her move?” 

“I’m getting a sister?” she asked eagerly. She has always wanted a sister, having five brother’s was enough.

“We believe so, but we can’t be sure. I’ve missed you, Lessa. I do hope you’ll come home with us this time,” Rhaenyra said, and Maelessa didn’t answer. She smiled and continued feeling as her possible baby sister moved in her mothers womb. She longed for the day where she would carry children for Aemond, when her belly would grow big with his babes, and he would be the one to lay his hands on her and feel their children kick. They would have the most beautiful little silver haired babies, she was convinced. Her body yearned for it, but they both knew it wasn’t a good idea as of right now. First they needed to convince their parents to wed them.

The king was in such bad shape these days that he wore a golden mask over half his face. Aemond was no longer the only one eyed man in the Red Keep. King Viserys didn’t understand why petitions were being heard over a settled succession. It was Vaemond, the younger brother or Lord Corlys, who was unhappy. Maelessa wasn’t sure where she should stand, with Aemond and his siblings or with her own family. But Daemon had all but grabbed her by the collar and decided for her that she needed to stand with her brothers, so she did. But her eyes continued drifting all the time, to her silver haired lover.

“You know we can always tell when you’ve been together, right? You never wear braids in your hair except when you’ve been with her,” Aegon teased, pulling at his younger brother’s braid.

“Shut up,” Aemond snapped back, and Aegon quieted. Rhaenys took to the centre of the floor to speak. She reaffirmed that Driftmark should pass to Luke, and informed the king and everyone else that the plans were indeed to marry Jace to Baela and Luke to Rhaena. Maelessa was as of yet left out of any marriage plans, but she couldn’t be sure how long.

Vaemond was utterly dissatisfied. He went on a long rant about who deserved to bear the name Velaryon. He accused them all of being bastards, no relatives of his. 

“You may run your house as you see fit, but you will not decide the future of mine! My house survived the doom, and a thousand tribulations besides,” he insisted. “Gods be damned, I will not see it ended on the account of this…” he trailed off, unsure of how wise it would be to continue. 

“Say it…” Daemond challenged, and Maelessa knew that things were about to take a turn for the worse now. King Viserys breathed heavily, exhausted by his task, and Vaemond smiled. A malicious smile of a man that knew his next words were about to end his life.

“Her children are BASTARDS!” He pointed his finger at Rhaenyra. “And she… is… a whore.” 

Gasps and chatter broke out in the crowd, Jace balled up his fists, Maelessa felt fury course through her veins at the insult of her mother, Aegon grinned, Alicent’s eyes were wide in shock, and Aemond kept his eye on Maelessa. The king was angered, rising slowly.

“I will have your tongue for that,” he said tearing his knife from its sheath. In one swift motion, Daemon sliced the head off Vaemond, only the tongue remained attached to his body.

“He can keep his tongue,” Daemon said. Helaena and Aegon looked the most shocked, and Aemond looked in awe. Maelessa stared in disbelief at the scene in front of her.

“Disarm him!” Otto shouted, but the king motioned for the kingsguard to stop. Then he fell back onto his throne, moaning in pain. It was all too much for him and Maelessa felt bad.

“Call the Masters!” Alicent yelled and ran to her husband.

“Father!” Rhaenyra exclaimed, moving forwards the stairs. When she was no longer being forced to stand behind her mother, Maelessa seized the opportunity to run to Aemond whose arms wrapped around her the second she reached him. While chaos ensued, the pair slipped away without anyone but Aegon noticing.

Zaldrizes buzdari iksos daor - a dragon is not a slave Kēlītsos - Kitten Ñuha syz riña - My good girl

[astralarias]

please talk about your characters! i don't mind who i just wanna hear you ramble about your toons <3

Aaa thank you!! 🥺

Since I just posted a gifset of her, I'll talk a little about Aikarico, my beloved warcat, and her backstory <3

She came remarkably close to having a completely different life! Her parents were critical of the Legions as a whole and had plans to leave after the birth of their cub, as fleeing & traveling would be too strenuous on Electra (Aika's mother) during her pregnancy. Their goal was to reach Lion's Arch and settle down as a family.

However, mere weeks before Aikarico was born, her father, Theo, was killed on patrol by a Flame Legion ambush. Electra was heartbroken, and after Aikarico was born she didn't have the strength to flee the Legions alone - only to give Aikarico as much love as she could in the time they had. Being an only child, Aikarico was incredibly clingy and a very shy, sweet cub who rarely left her mother's side.

When it came time for her to join the Fahrah, she didn't cope well. Ripped from her mother's warm embrace into a world of survival of the fittest, she struggled - bullied endlessly by her peers for her softness. Until she wasn't. Until she forced herself to get tough, against her every instinct. She fought back with fang and claw, so no-one would ever hurt her again.

Her mother had promised she'd visit. She never did. Aikarico grew up believing she had been abandoned without reason by the only person who had loved her for her, not knowing the truth - Electra had died shortly after Aikarico left her side, falling ill and not having the strength to recover.

By the time she reached adulthood, Aikarico had become an arrogant, defiant problem for her warband and superiors, and had no intention of changing. It was a mask, but one she could no longer tell where it ended and she began any more. She had stopped trying to take it off long ago.

However, her higher-ups weren't about to let such subordination slide for much longer, especially after her stunts to prove herself as bigger, better, stronger, resulted in casualties in the field more than once. She always knew better, and nothing was ever her fault. It couldn't be - she was flawless, because if she wasn't, she was nothing.

After a string of complaints from her warbandmates, Aikarico was made a gladium. As the verdict was dealt, though, she stood tall and announced she was leaving, anyway, so there - you can't fire me, I quit! Denounced as a traitor and disappointment, she fled the Legions - just as her parents had meant to do all those years ago, albeit with a twist.

From there, she wandered Tyria, taking up jobs for bandits and thieves - anyone who would pay, at first - but eventually building up a reputation as a skilled assassin. She hung around human lands for a while - the least charr place she could think of, although she still held herself as charr in far-too-high regard. Among certain shady circles, she gained notoriety. If you wanted someone dead, she was the cat for the job. She was never happy, but she was feared and respected, and that was enough for a time.

Eventually she grew bored and set on the road again, winding up in the Desolation after a few years. Here, she worked with the Order of Shadows alongside her regular assassination jobs - she never became an official member, but she was known throughout the ranks as "that arrogant charr who thinks too much of herself".

During the events of Path of Fire, she was given a mark that would change her life once again; the Commander. She never did find out who put her on the job - it was all very secretive - but it payed well, and she knew to kill him would bolster her legend beyond all belief and hope. She took it without a second thought.

She followed Atlaki for days. Watched his every move, as he stopped amid the carnage to...help people? Didn't he have a god to catch? Why would he stop and show such...weakness?

She was horribly intrigued. And besides, maybe she was a little bored of the desert too, now. The Desolation was all moody skies and sulfur. Even killing here was getting dull.

So, finally, she engaged her target. But instead of shooting him from some perch, she appeared to his face and demanded he fight her. She was somewhat hurt when he appeared more tired than anything, but he agreed - and promptly kicked her ass. Okay, now she was impressed...although, of course, her losing was totally all part of her plan.

She introduced herself, told him she was meant to kill him but kind of didn't want to do that anymore, and she'd be helping him out from now on. A paw was offered to shake, and Atlaki - deciding this odd charr wasn't the worst or strangest thing to fall from the sky in recent times - took it.

Thus began Aikarico's looong, winding path to becoming a better, and certainly more tolerable person - someone her parents would be beyond proud to see flourish, with Atlaki's influence. She remains proud, arrogant, even but it's genuine now and not so much of a mask. She's charismatic, brash, and herself. She has the family she always needed, in Atlaki, and Cassien, and Aurene.

[cuntyqueerleondraisaitl]

My thoughts on Yellowjackets Season 1

Major spoilers for season one under the cut. Also, long

Okay I'm going to break this up into parts because I'm mentally ill and neurodivergent, need I say more?

Stuff I predicted.

First and foremost, I fucking called it that Coach Ben was gay. I was watching it with my cousins and I announced to the room: "The coach guy is gay, you can quote me on that!" Just for the record, my gaydar is very good.

Jackie's death was extremely sad, but I knew the second hallucination!Shauna let her inside. There's no way she would forgive her or be forgiven that fast, teenage girls are terrifying.

Predictions for the future:

They are 100% going to eat Jackie. Nuff Said.

Javi is dead. If not now, then soon.

There is a 0% chance that Shauna's baby is going to survive. Giving birth is dangerous enough on its own. But a teenager giving birth, in the woods, with no medication, no food, no doctors, under absolutely horrifying mental circumstances. There's no way in hell.

For this prediction, it must be known that I know absolutely nothing about lighters. But during the scene where Jackie was trying to light the fire before she died, I noticed that she was having trouble with the lighter. This could have been because she was shivering, or to further drive home the fact that she isn't good at "outdoorsy" stuff, but lighters do run on a small amount of fuel. And if that runs you can no longer use the lighter, it is also unlikely the lighters were full when they got them (I'm assuming they got them from the cabin, as it would be weird for a teenager to bring a lighter to a soccer game) So if the lighters run out or stop working, will they run out of fuel?

And, we have to talk about my least favourite arc of all time, Misty and the Coach. I hated this so fucking much. Adult Misty slays but '96 Misty makes me want to die. Anyway... I think he gon be outed. Misty fucking assaulted and terrorized this guy for so long, and then he told her that he was gay. She isn't going to sit on this, she's going to tell everyone. I don't think anyone's going to be homophobic, because they were all fine with Taivan, but I do think that this is going to really alienate her from Nat, who is Ben's best friend and #1 supporter.

In terms of whos, the head-honcho with the scary mask is, at this point, I'm almost certain that it's got to be Lottie. At first, I was betting on Taissa because of the whole "Became a leader in her adult life" thing, but now I'm shying against it, and I'm not quite sure why. Lottie is my first choice, not from a character standpoint, but purely from a literary one. She is the only character that has not yet appeared as an adult (next to Van) who has gotten any real characterization. And Van just kind of seems like a prop to be Tai's girlfriend and someone to get injured a shit ton. (I love Taivan, don't get me wrong)

Flight 571

If you don't know, flight 571 was a real flight, carrying a Urgarian rugby team, that crashed in the Andes. It is often known as "The Miracle of the Andes." Of the 45 people on the flight, 16 survived, and they did so by eating each other. It was a big hyper-fixation of mine for a while.

One of the biggest differences between the Yellowjackets vs 571, is the setting. As 571 crashed in the Anes, where there was absolutely no life, and their flight obviously crashed in the forest, where they can hunt. But as winter approaches, the two climates become more and more similar, which will probably lead to more parallels.

There are already a shit ton of parallels, starting way back in episode 2, with none other than Van. Her Flight 571 parallel is, arguably the most famous of the group, Nando Parrado. And although your parallels aren't glaring, there is no questioning that they're there. Nando had a fractured skull and was in a Coma for three days after the crash. At first, he was to be counted among the dead, but at the last minute, he was pulled back into the plane, where he survived and became one of the most important people on the flight and one of the survivors. This is a parallel to the way that Van almost died in the fire, but survived and became a very important figure.

In relation to the whole "eating Jackie" thing. In the real-life flight 571 They didn't eat the already dead, they only ate the people that had consented to be eaten when they were alive. This will most likely not play into it at all here, but I want to see how they handle the morality of the situation

Another thing that came up a lot in the crash of 571, was whether or not they could physically;y stomach the meat. Many passengers, even when dying of starvation, could not stomach the meat of their fellow passengers. Again, I doubt this will come up, but It would be dope if it did.

Rationing horror. I want it. I know I'm a jerk, but there is one instance in 571 that has always stuck with me, and this is the fact that one of the 571 passengers (I believe it was my man Nando) ate one chocolate-covered almond over the course of three days. First the outer layer of the chocolate, and then the two slivers of almond, one at a time. I don't have a reason for it, but I really want this to play a part.

I'm very confused about how the cannibalism wasn't immediately found out when they were rescued. In the real-life Andes flight, people figured it out almost immediately. They were immediately rushed to the hospital, and when the doctors puzzled out that they had to be eating something, it was all out in the open pretty fast. I'm curious how the Yellowjackets managed to cover it up.

Things I Loved

Pretty much the whole show. Even the things I hated (see below) are either so small or made sense narratively that it allowed for a really enjoyable watching experience. It was beautiful to look at. Amazingly acted. Amazingly scripted. And just an all-around excellent show.

Things I hated

The Misty/Ben arc. I hated this so fucking much. Ben is my favourite character, and he was straight-up getting harassed by Misty. She also only stopped when she forced him out. And even then she didn't stop being bitter about it. ("[Ben] tricked me into falling in love with him") She also TRIED TO RAPE HIM??? Even after he said no multiple times during episode nine. It also made me cringe, super hard, which isn't as important but still makes me hate it. This is why I have '96 Misty. I understand that it made literary sense, but still...

The fact that 571 is canon in the Yellowjackets universe. It is mentioned in a throwaway line said by that reporter. I believe in episode eight, It feels like a mistake, like when Hot Tub Time Machine was referenced in Endgame. I have already said that it is clear that Yellowjackets is loosely based on flight 571, which makes me feel weird...

The way that schizophrenia was presented. I'm not Schitzo Spec, nor a medical professional so I'm not speaking from experience, but from the research I've done, it can be pretty harmful to use hallucinations to convey evil things or to present it as a gift. Both of which are done in the show

Character Thoughts:

I am completely separating the '96 characters from the present day. In my mind thus far they are different people. This is in literally no order

Reporter: Literally no strong feelings about her what-so-ever, don't even know her name

Those three random girls: You know who I'm talking about. I don't even know their names so I don't care.

Jeff: I hate him. He makes me want to murder him. He cheated on his girlfriend with her best friend. Then blackmailed her friends for money because people didn't want his furniture. 0/10 do not recommend

'96 Misty: I really hate her, even more than Jeff. She's the only character who I like the present-day version of her more than the teen version. Again, the whole Misty/Ben act made me really deeply resent her

Present-day Misty: I love her. So much. She and House should team up and create the malpractice hospital of the century. I was on the fence about her until the very end when she poisoned the reporters cigarettes. And now I love her.

'96 Lottie: I think that she needs a bit more development, and I can see her becoming one of my favourites. Apart from my thoughts on her schizophrenia, I think that with a bit more characterization she can become almost perfect

'96 Vanessa: I love her. Again, I feel like she is mostly being portrayed as someone to do gruesome stuff too, and as a prop for Tai., but the crumbs of Characterization we get for her are awesome. I love the way that she took Lotties weird bone/good luck charm with her. Is shows that she's really sweet and a good person.

'96 Nat: Yes. Her. Yes. Also, she's definitely queer and no I do not take criticism. I think that, even though she's so broken, her and Travis have a really unique and great bond, even at their worst. I also LOVE her relationship with Wen (Don't worry, we're getting to him) She's probably my favourite of the girls.

Present day Nat: Unpopular opinion, but just eh. She's a very tragic character, and that's important for the story. I think that her grief, and her relapse, are very realistic. I can empathize with her, but she isn't very interesting and one of my favourites.

'96 Jackie: I hate her too. I think she's whiny, and doesn't pull her weight. And her insane amount of pouting is what got her killed. I understand that there was a whole arc about her not pulling her weight, but I don't think that ever got really resolved. She did the seance, but that definitely did more bad than good. I wish she wasn't dead, but she irritates me.

'96 Travis: I definitely think he had some of the best development out of all the kids. During the first couple of episodes, I was team eat Travis first and now I'm team eat him second or third. Still not my favourite, but I don't hate him.

'96 Shauna: I think that she's a bi-disaster and in love with Jackie, but honestly to me she seems a bit one-sided. I don't really have super strong thoughts on her

Present-day Shauna: The worst of the adults. Even if it turns out her husband is blackmailing her, she shouldn't have cheated, especially if she didn't know. She pretty much neglects her daughter and kept those journals even though it meant putting her team in jeopardy.

'96 Javi: I think that at the beginning, he had the potential to be interesting. Especially with the whole, dead dad/gum thing. But we haven't really heard from him in a while, so there isn't much to say.

'96 Tai: I like her a lot, I think that she is the one whose characterization as a child comes through the most as an adult. You can see her leadership come through and strengthen as the season go on, which obviously morphs into her becoming senator as an adult.

Present day Tai: Fine. Just fine. I think that her arc as an adult is quite interesting because most of her reach characterization came through in her marriage/parenting/politics stuff, and not in the mystery. But she's fine.

Ben: Oh my precious. Oh, my baby. This man can do no wrong. he could eat literally everyone else, including Nat and Van, and I would continue to give him cuddles and words of affirmation. My favourite character of all time, the reason I hate '96 Misty. If anyone does anything to him they are dead to me forever. That one scene where he's high on shrooms and screaming at the sky that he's gay. Goosebumps.

TL;DR

I'm a really fucked up person who just spent almost hours writing an essay on a show she isn't even done watching yet.

[backagainforthelasttime]

You constantly ask me why I am the way I am?

Except I’ve told you.

I’ve told you about every heart break. I’ve told you about every attack. Every choice I’ve made and even those where I wasn’t given a choice.

I wish you would take some time and actually think about the cards I’ve been dealt. Think about how you would’ve survived if it had happened to you.

Because until now I believed I was doing okay considering it all. I thought I was strong. I thought I had made it out. But you take me back there. Each time you say something to trigger me on purpose, you take me back. Every time you raise your voice at me, you take me back.

Back to bathroom where i wasn’t given a choice, I was gagged and raped. It was over in a few minutes for him but it still haunts me.

Back to when my brother did things he wasn’t supposed to do.

Back to when I came out about it all and my mum told me she regrets not going through with her abortion appointment.

Back to when my father reminded me everyday I was nothing to him. Or each time he asked me to think about his reputation before my well-being.

Back to when M punched me square in the face for the first time.

Back to when each and every time I was kicked or punched after the first time.

Back to the heartbreak of being cheated on the first time.

Back to when I murdered my first child.

Back to the realisation that I have no one to call.

Back to when I chose to live on the streets then go back to a house and a family I had never belonged to. It was easier. More peaceful except then it wasn’t.

Back to when they took me and gang raped for me for longer than I will ever have the guts to admit. When they put things inside me and laughed when I screamed in pain. I hear their laughter and their cheers everytime they hurt me even now. I hear the words clearly. The names they called me. One thing in particular stuck with me, they told me over and over that now no one will ever want me. The first time they said another responded with well no one does that’s why we found her there. There was sleeping in a park thinking I was hidden in some bushes. Not hidden enough.

Back to when I murdered my second baby.

Back to when my sister, my best friend broke my heart for a guy.

Back to being cheated on with my own sister.

Back to when all I craved was having my own family and a place I can finally call home. But instead I found none of that. He constantly told me that I wasn’t worthy of having one. That I would never be worthy.

Back to when the beating started again. The name calling. The dehumanising.

Back to finding out yet again I was cheated on.

Back to each and every time I cried myself to sleep knowing that I wasn’t good enough for even him.

Back to when as I gave my birth prematurely, I was being told that it was my fault because I was weak.

Back to when all I could do was sit and stare at my daughter from outside the incubator, not knowing if she was going to be coming out.

Back to when everytime her reports came in and they said she had this problem and that problem, I knew it was my fault. She suffers because of me.

Back to when I could barely afford to feed my daughter. The feelings of failing as a mother hit me hard.

Back to when I thought I had met someone decent finally except yet again I was wrong.

Back to when the beatings started yet again. Each chokehold, each wall that was smashed. Each time I was screamed at or grabbed in front of my baby girl.

Back to finding out yet again I was being cheated on except this time it was with two others.

Back to when I had to give up my peace and move back home knowing what it would do to me but it not mattering because I don’t matter. By now I acknowledge the fact that I will never come first to anyone. I wasn’t even allowed to come first for myself.

Back to every single person who told me I wasn’t enough. I would never be enough.

Through all of that were also the friendships I had gained and lost. All the jobs I succeeded or failed in. The money I made saved or spent. The uncertainties of life in general. The countless break downs. All the addictions. All the self loath which led to self harm. All the fights with my family, so much said that can’t be taken back.

Each time I picked myself up. Each time I pushed forward. I thought I was strong. I thought nothing could break me again. There was nothing left to experience. There couldn’t be any type of heart break I hadn’t recovered from.

Then I met you. I tried to fight it oh you have no idea how hard I tried to fight. I knew I didn’t deserve you. You were too good to be true. The connection was instant. I blinked and I couldn’t imagine life without you. I thought it was over all the heartache all the bad. I believed it. I found my soul mate which I truly believed by now was just a saying. I found my forever best friend. My forever date. My partner in all things good or bad. My literal other half. But most importantly, the one I had craved and prayed for my entire life, my home. My family. A place I finally belonged. With a person who finally accepted me.

I was wrong.

Oh so so very wrong.

Now I don’t have to go back because you bring it all forward.

Each time you told me to leave your house.

Each time you said talaq.

Each time your ego stopped you from just giving me even a little bit of reassurance.

Everytime I’m breaking and I see you all normal laughing and joking around knowing what I’m going through.

Everytime you go out of your way to trigger. Sometimes I just wonder if this is Gods humour because the irony in things you say. You’re not the first to say them. But you are the first from whom I feel I can’t recover. You say the words and I’m taken back to other times it was said to me. You say the same things they did and you make me go back to those moments. My worst moments. You take me back.

It also hits so much harder when it comes from your mouth. Each time I feel my heart shatter. Piece after piece after piece and I don’t think I have anything left now.

Every cruel word you have ever said is etched in the pieces. Broken as they may be.

You take me back knowingly because your ego has to be fed. Your ego has to come out on top. You take me back because you know exactly what words to say to trigger me.

You constantly invalidate my emotions and my needs because of your ego.

You snore peacefully through the night resting up recovering not knowing all the while I’m jerking awake from nightmares having to remind myself I’m not back in that bathroom or that room I’m not being held down it’s all in my head. Except it’s so real. I relive it. Each time. My body aches. My brain hurts. My chest is always tight. I keep pushing buts it’s still not enough for you.

You told me I could heal now. You lied.

You told me you were different from them.

You promised it would never be like that for me again. You broke that promise.

I don’t know how to survive this one. I don’t know how to come back. I don’t think I have the strength to pick up myself anymore. Nor do I have the courage to ask you for help because when I do you’re never there. I’m still alone. Alone. The only thing I’ll ever be worthy of.

How do you survive when your first ever safe place is the one breaking you and pushing you back into the unsafe world?

I truly hope your ego your anger and your stubbornness was worth breaking the person for whom you are everything. All I wanted was your love as deep and sincerely as I have loved you from day one. That was wrong of me. One needs to be worthy to receive such a kind of love. And you’ve all made it clear that I’ll never worthy of that.

So it’s easy for you to ask me why I am the way I am. But the answer isn’t. Not easy for me to physically answer and I’d think not easy for you to hear.

I have lived my entire life especially my adult with uncertainty in all aspects. Whether it be in a relationship, my family, work, finances, my health both physical and mental. I don’t know what it means to feel secure because I’ve never had the opportunity. So yes I overthink I’m more sensitive than most I say sorry a lot I ask a lot of questions I always have an opinion there are things I can handle and things I can’t my boundaries aren’t rules for you they are my boundaries that I’ve been forced to have because of all my trauma. And it’s not fair that you say you can’t deal with it now when I had literally put it all forth to you and given you multiple chances to walk away as friends from the beginning.

[herbluegoat]

The fact that I am willing to go ahead think of myself as a monster still didn’t want to accept, that my mom never ever loved me. I was only an extension of her, a tool, once it became too much. She abandoned me to the other side of family she hated, who are vicious and violent. Mom left me there, been beaten and assaulted. How did I even grow up? How did I survive? The only time I felt her love was when I was at verge of dying from eating disorder, she finally showed up without judgment and cleaned up. And made a warm meal for me. I always wanted to hold onto that, then the mother I always wanted disappeared again. Now mom is getting old, and I am growing more and more successful than she can ever be. Her face is almost deformed in a way. I always wondered why she had to be so mean to me on my big screening day, on my birthdays. Looking at photos again I took of mom, I finally see, there is only hate in her eyes looking back at me. As I am writing this, I feel my heart shaking. I used all my life to pay mom, but still she is not satisfied. Mother hates me… hates me a lot. Now to think back how she talked about giving birth to me, how motherhood made her fat. Now think back all these times she belittled me in public, and smirked at me when people dare to look at me that made me blush. Mom always says she was much prettier than me, her eyes are way bigger that I had my dad’s tiny bean eyes, she’s taller than me, skinner than me, she was clean. And I am a bitch. Goddam, how did I ever think this is okay. This is okay to be spoken to as jokes. I must be so numb to all of it so that they no longer hurts. I must be so manipulated. Mom is pathetic. Come to think, if there is anyone loved her in her life? Probably her father. I have to now accept that I am sort of an orphan in this world. But it’s like okay. I finally see what kept me going all this time, was that love existed within me. It was never anyone but me, who had kept this little girl going all the time. Probably because the inside wanting to prove so much to mom, I was able to push and push myself. Now I don’t need her validation anymore to exist. I will choose what makes me happy and choose passion. Wow, isn’t life just magical. Being with the group of kids who grew up with narcissistic parents. The world has been so generous to me. I really love it all.

Hey little naughty girl, it’s okay now. Don’t cry anymore, life is okay now. You are safe. Come out and see this beautiful world.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

APPARENTLY OUR SITUATION WAS NOT UNUSUAL

Enjoy it while it lasts, and get as much done as you can, because you haven't hired any bureaucrats yet. Sites of this type will get their attention. The fact that there's no conventional number. Don't fix Windows, because the remaining. And what drives them both is the number of new shares to the angel; if there were 1000 shares before the deal, this means 200 additional shares. This is not as selfish as it sounds. For the average startup fails. It spread from Fortran into Algol and then to depend on it happening. Seeing the system in use by real users—people they don't know—gives them lots of new ideas is practically virgin territory.

Auto-retrieving spam filters would make the legislator who introduced the bill famous. When someone's working on a problem where their success can be measured, you win. I was a Reddit user when the opposite happened there, and sitting in a cafe feels different from working. However, the easiest and cheapest way for them to do it gets you halfway there. No one uses pen as a verb in spoken English. We'd ask why we even hear about new languages like Perl and Python, the claim of the Python hackers seems to be as big as possible wants to attract everyone. Conditionals. Poetry is as much music as text, so you start to doubt yourself. Between them, these two facts are literally a recipe for exponential growth. In languages, as in any really bold undertaking, merely deciding to do it. I fly over the Valley: somehow you can sense something is going on.

It's easy to be drawn into imitating flaws, because they're trying to ignore you out of existence. Google. Long words for the first time should be the ideas expressed there. If a link is just an empty rant, editors will sometimes kill it even if it's on topic in the sense of beating the system, not breaking into computers. As long as you're at a point in your life when you can bear the risk of failure. I'm less American than I seem. The distinction between expressions and statements. So perhaps the best solution is to add a few more checks on public companies. Let me repeat that recipe: finding the problem intolerable and feeling it must be true that only 1.

Well, I said a good rule of thumb was to stay upwind—to work on a Python project than you could to work on a problem that seems too big, I always ask: is there some way to bite off some subset of the problem. A company that needed to build a factory or hire 50 people obviously needed to raise a large round and risk losing the investors you already have if you can't raise the full amount. And isn't popularity to some extent its own justification? I realize I might seem to be any less committed to the business. Surely that's mere prudence? The measurement of performance will tend to push even the organizations issuing credentials into line. Number 6 is starting to have a piratical gleam in their eye. About a year after we started Y Combinator that the most important skills founders need to learn. When the company goes public, the SEC will carefully study all prior issuances of stock by the company and demand that it take immediate action to cure any past violations of securities laws. Within a few decades old, and rapidly evolving. I didn't say so, but I'm British by birth. Investors tend to resist committing except to the extent you can.

I'm talking to companies we fund? But if we can decide in 20 minutes, should it take anyone longer than a couple days when he presented to investors at Demo Day, the more demanding the application, the more demanding the application, the more extroverted of the two founders did most of the holes are. We funded them because we liked the founders so much. And such random factors will increasingly be able to brag that he was an investor. You'd feel like an idiot using pen instead of write in a different language than they'd use if they were expressed that way. The safest plan for him personally is to stick close to the margin of failure, and the time preparing for it beforehand and thinking about it afterward. The theory is that minor forms of bad behavior encourage worse ones: that a neighborhood with lots of graffiti and broken windows becomes one where robberies occur. S s: n. Bootstrapping Consulting Some would-be founders may by now be thinking, why deal with investors at all, it means you don't need them.

It's not just that you can't judge ideas till you're an expert in a field. And the way to do it gets you halfway there. Angels who only invest occasionally may not themselves know what terms they want. But the raison d'etre of all these institutions has been the same kind of aberration, just spread over a longer period. If someone pays $20,000 from their friend's rich uncle, who they give 5% of the company they take is artificially low. But because seed firms operate in an earlier phase, they need to spend a lot on marketing, or build some kind of announcer. There are millions of small businesses in America, but only a little; they were both meeting someone they had a lot in common with. We present to him what has to be treated as a threat to a company's survival. S i; return s;; This falls short of the spec because it only works for integers. He said their business model was crap.

I was a philosophy major. Programs often have to work actively to prevent your company growing into a weed tree, dependent on this source of easy but low-margin money. And I was a philosophy major. This leads to the phenomenon known in the Valley is watching them. I definitely didn't prefer it when the grass was long after a week of rain. As many people have noted, one of the questions we pay most attention to when judging applications. I'd like to reply with another question: why do people think it's hard to predict, till you try, how long it will take to become profitable. Raising money is the better choice, because new technology is usually more valuable now than later. The purpose of the committee is presumably to ensure that is to create a successful company?

One recently told me that he did as a theoretical exercise—an effort to define a more convenient alternative to the Turing Machine. This is actually less common than it seems: many have to claim they thought of the idea after quitting because otherwise their former employer would own it. If you look at these languages in order, Java, and Visual Basic—it is not so frivolous as it sounds, however. VCs they have introductions to. VCs ask, just point out that you're inexperienced at fundraising—which is always a safe card to play—and you feel obliged to do the same for any firm you talk to. The lower your costs, the more demanding the application, the more important it is to sell something to you, the writer, the false impression that you're saying more than you have. What happens in that shower?

Thanks to Dan Bloomberg, Trevor Blackwell, Garry Tan, Nikhil Pandit, Reid Hoffman, Geoff Ralston, Slava Akhmechet, Paul Buchheit, Ben Horowitz, and Greg McAdoo for the lulz.

[leossmoonn]

Dear Y/n

masterlist

pairing - carl gallagher x fem!reader

type - fluff

note  / request - “OMFG FINALLY SOMEONE WRITES FOR RECENT CARL GALLAGHER. Can we get one where the reader is Kev and V’s daughter so they grew up together. And maybe Carl is her secret admirer” so i made debbie and you seniors and carl a junior since he is technically a year younger than debbie. so let’s pretend that debbie stayed in school and carl never went to military school lol, just for the sake of this imagine. enjoy!

summary - you find a note in your locker from a secret admirer and try to figure it out who is your secret admirer

warnings - language

————

*gif isn't mine*

“Hey, girl!” Debbie exclaimed. You looked up from your phone, smiling as you spotted your friend. 

“Hey,” you smiled while walking up to her. Your attention when to Franny, who was sitting in her stroller. You crouched down and smiled at the baby. 

“Hi, baby. How are you? Do you like going to school with Mommy? You know, some day you’ll be going to school. I’ll be an adult and with kids, too!” You babbled to the baby. Franny squealed and held her hands up to you. You giggled, bopping her nose before going up back to talk to Debbie. 

“You’re really good with her,” Debbie complimented.  

“Thanks, kids kinda like me,” you giggled. 

Debbie rolled her eyes, “Yeah, we know. Anyways, can we hang at your house?” 

You two started walking to your guys’s lockers. “Sure. I have to babysit Jems and Ames, though. Mom and Dad don’t get off work until like, midnight.”

Debbie nodded. “Franny can play with them.”

“Sounds good,” you nodded. You unlocked your locker, a piece of paper falling out. 

“What’s that?” Debbie asked.

“I don't know,” you muttered, furrowing your brows. You picked up the paper, unfolding it. Your eyes widened as you saw its contents. It read:

Dear Y/n,

I thought your outfit looked really good. Not that your outfits don’t always look good, but today’s my favorite. I really like your jeans and your red shirt. Red really looks good with your eyes. 

From,

Secret Admirer

Debbie read the note with you, laughing as she got to the end. “You have a secret admirer!”

You smiled, “Yeah. This is cute. I wonder who it’s from.”

“Maybe it’s from Dean Kepner,” Debbie said, nudging your shoulder teasingly. 

You rolled your eyes, “That is the funniest shit I have ever heard.”

“Well, what if it is! I noticed him staring at your shirt today,” Debbie said.

You scoffed, “Yeah, more like staring at my tits. This note said nothing about my  tits. It’s probably not him. Plus, I’m pretty sure Dean can’t make compound sentences. He’s worse at speaking than Ames and Jems, and they’re 3 years old.

Debbie chuckled, “True. Well, we should try to figure it out.”

“Eh. It's probably some jackass who wants to get in my head, and then embarrass me because I thought someone liked me,” you said. 

“Be more optimistic!” Debbie exclaimed. 

“Hm, I will if I get a second note. Let’s go, Jems and Ames are expecting me to pick them up from daycare,” you said. You grabbed a few textbooks and shut your locker. “Is Carl coming home with us?” You asked. 

“I think so,” Debbie said. “Alright. Where is he?” You asked. 

“Probably making out with some slut in the bathrooms,” Debbie said.

“Probably,” you snorted.

You and Debbie walked to the nearest bathroom, peeking behind the corner to see if you could hear any noise. Surprisingly, it was quiet. 

“What are you guys doing?” 

You both jumped, turning around and seeing a confused Carl behind you. 

Carl was Debbie’s little brother. They were both Gallagher’s. They were children of the alcoholic and drug addict Frank and Monica. They lived on the South Side of Chicago, which was where you also lived. 

You were Y/n Ball. Daughter of Veronica Fisher and Kevin Ball. You had lived next to the Gallagher’s all your life. You were their best friend. Well, their only best friend, really. Your mom and their older sister, Fiona, had been friends since forever. You had been born around the same time as Debbie, who was the third oldest out of the 6 Gallagher children, so you two have been basically best friends since birth. Carl was also one of the Gallagher kids you were also the close with, too, him being just a year younger than you. You three had basically grown up together, so being best friends was pretty natural. 

“We were seeing if you were fucking anyone,” Debbie answered. 

Carl scrunched his face up in disgust. “I don’t do that.”

You laughed, “Sure you don’t. C’mon, C-Dog, I gotta pick up the little missies.”

“Alright, Y/n/n,” Carl smiled at the nickname you had given him ever since you two had gotten closer. 

You two hadn’t always been close before. Debbie and you were by far the closest, with being in the same grade and all. You and Carl hung out a lot, but it wasn’t really until he started high school when you two actually hung out one-on-one. He had come to you for relationship advice when he was dating this one girl, Dominique, who turned out to be a horrible person. You two have since bonded about your past, failed relationships, and how shitty life is. 

Since getting closer with him, you had kind of developed a little crush on him. He had always been cute, but when puberty hit him, he became really hot, really quick. You never showed any other feelings for him than platonic, though. You didn’t want to deal with all the drama that it would bring between you and your families. 

“Stop eye-fucking each other, please,” Debbie groaned, walking away from you two.

You rolled your eyes, “Like you should talk. Every guy you meet you imagine sleeping with them.”

“Not true!” Debbie defended herself. 

“Yeah, right. That’s why you have a baby,” Carl joked. 

“You guys are so mean,” Debbie muttered. 

“That one was pretty mean, but at least it didn’t come from me,” you smiled. 

“Yeah, it came from the asshole who got circumcised for a girl,” Debbie laughed. 

You laughed with her, Carl rolling his eyes and blushing. He looked to you and noticed a piece of paper peeking out from your jeans. 

“What's that?” He asked and pointed.

“Oh, it’s a note that someone gave me,” you said. You took it out and gave it to Carl. He opened it and read it. 

“This is nice,” he said. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty cute,” you agreed. He handed you the note back. “Who do you think it is?”

“I don’t know, honestly. I’m kind of thinking it’s a joke, so I wanna wait till I get another one,” you said, folding it back into your pocket. 

“I think it’s Dean Kepner,” Debbie stated.  You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, you're the only one.”

“Is that the popular football guy? In your grade?” Carl asked. 

“Yep. He’s so hot,” Debbie sighed dreamily. 

“I don’t think so,” you stated.

Carl looked at you and nodded. “Yeah, I heard he does hard drugs.”

“Yeah, another reason why I don’t fuck with him. I mean, I have a beer every other night, but never am I gonna do drugs. That shit messes you up,” you sighed. 

“Yeah, we know. We had Monica as our mother,” Debbie said. 

You chuckled, walking over to your car. You got in the driver seat, Carl sitting in the passengers. Debbie usually sat there, but since she has a baby, you told her it wasn’t safe to put Franny in the passenger seat, especially since if the even of an accident, the airbag goes off and hurts Franny. 

You drove to daycare, humming songs from the radio while doing so. While you were driving, Carl couldn’t help but stare between your face and the note in your pocket. You didn’t know, but the person who wrote you the note was him. 

Carl was usually pretty confident and outgoing. All of his family like that. You had to do that to survive the South Side. But when it came to you, he was like jello. He didn’t know how to act, speak, whether he could look at you two seconds longer than normal. You never noticed his behaviour change, though. To you, he was always quiet and low-key. He was thankful that he never questioned why he was so quiet around you, especially since he was a loud, annoying kid when he was younger. 

With these notes, he would be able to say what he was afraid to say to your face. He didn’t want to face rejection, especially by the pretty senior girl that had lived next to him since the day he was born. It would be awkward if you did reject him, so he just kept quiet until maybe he worked up the courage to ask you out depending on wether you liked the notes or not. 

You parked in a handicap parking spot. “Alright, one of you wanna go and help me get Ames and Jems?” You asked. 

“Carl, can you do it, I wanna stay with Franny,” Debbie said.

“Yeah, sure,” Carl nodded. He got out of the car with you, walking into the daycare. 

You walked up to front desk. “Hi, I’m here for Amy and Jemma Ball. I'm their older sister, Y/n,” you said.

“Alright, can I see ID?” The woman asked. 

You nodded and got your wallet out of your back pocket. You handed her your ID. She handed it back to you. 

“Alright, go ahead and head in,” she said.

“Thank you,” you smiled. 

She hummed a ‘you’re welcome’ as you and Carl went into the play room. 

“Why do you have to give her your ID?” Carl asked. 

“I think it’s because she’s new, and also I didn’t drop them off this morning. They wanna make sure no one kidnaps children,” you explained. 

Carl nodded. “Ah, makes sense.”

“Yeah, the usual woman here, Julie, moved to Florida. She always gave me and the girls a mint when we left, and never asked for my ID,” you said.

“Wow, she sounds cool,” Carl said. 

“Yep, she was,” you smiled. 

You walked into the room, spotting Jemma and Amy immediately. They spotted you two, smiling and running up to you. 

“Hi, babes!” You exclaimed, crouching down and catching them in your arms. 

“Hi, Y/n!” They both squealed. 

“Ready to go home?” You asked. 

They both nodded. 

“Alright. Let me go get your stuff, hang out with Uncle Carl for a few minutes, okay?” You said. 

“Okay,” Jemma said.

You walked over to their cubby, grabbing their baby bags. You went back over to Carl, taking a hold of both of the girls’s hands. 

“Let’s go, babes,” you said. 

“I’m hungry!” Amy exclaimed. 

“I’ll get you a snack when we get home, alright?” You asked. 

Amy nodded, smiling excitedly. You smiled at her, looking up to see Carl opening the door for you. 

“Thanks,” you smiled at him. 

“No problem,” he nodded and followed behind you. You put the girls in the backseat with Debbie, unloading their bags in the trunk. You got in the front seat, starting the car. 

“Do you want to be dropped off at your house or stay with us at my place?” You asked Carl. 

“I'll hang with you guys,” Carl said. 

You nodded, “Sounds good.”

You drove back home, parking the car on the side. You unlocked the front door, immediately dropping all the bags you had. You slumped on the couch, taking a breather. 

“Can we have a snack?” Jemma asked. 

“Oh, yeah, right,” you said, getting up. “You guys want some fruit snacks?” “Yeah!” Amy exclaimed. 

You nodded, going to the pantry and getting two packs of fruit snacks for each of them. You led them back to the couch, turning on the tv. 

“Watch TV with Franny, okay? Sissy has to do homework,” you said. 

The twins nodded, looking at Paw Patrol, which was what was playing. You went to the kitchen table, unloading your backpack. 

“You’re really good at taking care of them,” Carl said, sitting next to you. 

You smiled, “Thanks. Mom and Dad do a lot, but since they are a little older and so am I, they let me have more responsibility. They have to work and stuff to make sure we can afford everything. I’d like to say I’m an expert at taking care of Amy and Jemma.”

Carl chuckled, “Yeah, I couldn’t imagine taking care of a kid.”

“Well, you have been taking care of Liam since he was born, right?” You asked. 

Carl shrugged, “I guess.”

“Taking care of kids is easy if you like them,” you shrugged. 

“Makes sense,” he said.

You hummed. 

“So, are you waiting for another note?” Carl asked. 

“Hm, kind of, yeah. I would be lying if I didn’t say I hoped this will turn into some cute, romantic love story with someone,” you chuckled. 

Carl blushed a little, focusing on his own homework. “Yeah, that’d be nice. 

————

“Yeah, Mom, I got it. No problem, see you later,” you said, hanging up the call. You sighed, walking slowly to your locker. 

Your mom had just called you to come to the Alibi to help out since business was buzzing. Word was, Frank was up to one of his schemes again and got the Alibi full and drunk. You couldn’t wait to deal with perky, 50 year-old men catcalling you. You were wearing a sweatshirt, too, which you knew would make it worse since the men always would try to have you take it off, and never stopped pushing. Luckily, you had pepper spray with you at all times so if someone ever got too much, you wouldn’t hesitate to spray them. 

You opened your locker, putting away a few binders when you noticed another note. You grabbed it, unfolding it with a hint of excitement. You would be lying if you said you hadn't been looking forward to this all day. 

You opened the note, smiling widely as its contents. 

Dear Y/n,

Your makeup looks amazing today. You’re really talented with the eyeliner and stuff. Oh, and your lipstick matches really well with your outfit, too.

From,  Secret Admirer

“Another note, huh?” Debbie said, approaching you. 

You smiled and nodded. “Yep.”

“What's that?” Carl asked. 

“Another note from Y/n’s admirer,” Debbie smiled. 

Carl flushed a little. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” you smiled. “I hope this is for real. I want to meet this person.”

“Maybe you will,” Carl said. You looked to him, a worried expression settling on your face. 

“You okay, C-Dog?” You asked. 

“Yeah. I’m gonna catch the bus. See you guys later,” he said, walking off quickly. 

You furrowed your brows. “What's got his dick in a twist?”

“I have no idea. Maybe he likes you,” Debbie smirked. 

Your heart fluttered a little at the thought of him liking you. Debbie knew you liked Carl, so maybe she was fucking with you, but you had to ask to be sure. 

“Does he?” 

“I think,” Debbie said. 

“Oh,” you muttered. “Cool,” you smiled. 

You weren’t going to confront him just yet, but you prayed to God your secret admirer was Carl. 

————

“Hey, there’s something for you in the mail,” Veronica said. 

You furrowed your brows. “Who’s it from?”

“It doesn’t have a name,” Veronica said, hanging you an envelope. “It just has your name on it.”

“Huh,” you said, taking the envelope. You tore it open, your eyes widening as you saw another note it in. 

“What is it?” Kevin asked. 

“A note,” you said. “From my secret admirer.”

“You have a secret admirer! Wow,” Kevin said. 

“Yeah,” you chuckled. You sat on the couch, opening the note. 

Dear Y/n,

I thought you looked really pretty today. I hope you don’t find it weird I mailed this to your house, I actually live close to you, so I saw you crossing the street today. Anyways, I just thought I would let you know you look pretty. 

From, 

Secret Admirer

You found yourself giggling, setting the note down. Even though you were flattered, you found it a little weird this person knew where you lived, even if they supposedly lived near. You didn’t know why they couldn’t just tell you all these things in person. 

“What does it say?” Veronica asked.

“The note calls me pretty,” you said, putting it back in its envelope. 

“Hm, well, whoever this is isn’t wrong,” Veronica grinned. “Do you have any idea who it is?”

You sighed, “Nope. It says they live close to me, though.”

“Maybe it’s one of the Gallagher’s,” Kevin suggested. 

Your eyes went wide, remembering what Debbie had said to a few days ago when you got the second note. You shook your head, though. Carl was out with his friends right now, you had just left his house, too, and there was no sign of him. 

“Nah, no offence to them, none of them are this romantic or anything. Well, except Ian, but he’s gay,” you said. 

“Maybe ask about it, though? All of our other neighbours are old men, and that does not look like old man handwriting,” Veronica said. 

“Maybe I will. I mean, Debbie said Carl liked me, and when I got the second note, Carl was acting all weird and shit,” you said.

Veronica eyes widened. “Carl?”

“Yeah,” you said. “I don’t care if it's him, though, it'd be kind of weird.”

Veronica sat down on the couch next to you. “You like him, don’t you?”

“Kind of,” you said sheepishly. 

“Well, I think you should ask him about it. If he says no, then don’t mention your feelings for him. If he says yes the notes are from him, then confess,” Veronica said.

“Should I do that?” You asked. 

“I think so, baby. Carl’s a good kid, especially with you around. I wouldn’t have a problem with you two dating.”

You smiled, “Thanks, Mom. I’ll go to his place tomorrow.”

“My baby is about to get a boyfriend!” Kevin whooped. “If he hurts you, I will kill him.”

You chuckled, “Thanks, Dad.”

————

You walked into the Gallagher’s house, spotting Fiona in the kitchen.

“Hey, Fi,” you smiled. 

“Hey, Y/n! Are you here fo Debbie? She went out,” Fiona said.

“No, actually. I’m here for Carl,” you said.

“Oh, okay. Well, he’s upstairs,” Fiona said.

“Thanks, Fi,” you smiled and made your way up to Carl’s room. You saw that the door was wide open.

You went in, not seeing Carl anywhere.

Where is he? You thought.

You went around his room, walking around the room. His room was ridiculously messy. Clothes everywhere, food and plates all over the dresser, weird liquid on the floor. You chuckled to yourself as you had to step over the puddle. 

“Boys are horrific,” you muttered to yourself. 

You went to the desk, sitting down in the desk chair. You looked around on the desk, seeing court date papers, old homework, and cigarette boxes. As you looked more to your right, something had caught your eye. There was a paper with your name on it on the back. 

You picked it up hesitantly, slowly unfolding it. Your eyes widened as you saw the words “Dear Y/n”. You knew you shouldn't, but you went ahead and read it anyways. You just wanted to make sure you were correct of your suspicions. 

Dear Y/n,

After these few weeks, I have decided to try and be brave and go up to ask you out. I think you’re really pretty and you’re so funny and nice. I’ve liked you since I started high school, and even if I get rejected, I know I would regret not trying to ask you out. So, I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date?

From, 

Secret Admirer, aka Carl (Gallagher)

“Y/n?” You snapped your head back, seeing Carl in a towel. Your eyes quickly ran past his chest, seeing the toned muscles in his arms and stomach. You eyes went up to his face, lingering on his lips. You then went up to his eyes, seeing them wide and filled with wonder. 

“Sorry, I’ll, uh, go,” you muttered and stood up, leaving the note on the desk. 

“What?” Carl asked. He was beyond confused, but when he saw you and the note, he put the pieces together. As you went to walk out of his room, he grabbed your arm, pulling you back gently so you two were face-to-face.  

“Did read the note?” He asked.

You looked up at him sheepishly, “Yeah, I’m sorry for invading your privacy.”

Carl sighed, “It’s alright. I’m, uh, sorry if I wasn't who you were expecting or anything. I know I’m probably not the person you like or anything, but I just wanted to try and see if you liked me. Ian and Lip said that was a cute idea, the notes.”

Your eyes lit up with he voiced his concerns. Your lips upturned into a smile, your eyes staring into his. 

“Carl, I like you, too,” you said. 

Carl’s eyes widened. “Wha-what?”

You took his hands in yours. “It was a cute idea. And I’ve liked you for the last 3 years, too. I was hoping it was you, actually.”

Carl blushed, a big smile appearing on his face. “Really?” “Yep,” you nodded. 

“Awesome!” Carl chuckled. “So, do you want to go on a date with me?”

“Yeah, I’d love to,” you smiled. 

“Cool,” he smiled. “Well, I need to get dressed. You can stay and watch if you want,” he smirked. 

You giggled at his words. “Don’t mind if I do.”

————

this was trash i am sorry

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@kaitieskidmore1​

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

What are the major reasons for as to why people have created religions?

Religions fulfil a number of fairly natural human needs. The problem is the way they do it, that they're no longer the only way to achieve these objectives and, oh yes, they're not true.

They help to explain the world, where things came from, what was there before we were self-aware enough to consider our surroundings, why bad things happen, how birth and death work. Problem is that they came up with these conclusions out of storytelling and myths that were changed and adapted from earlier stories and myths. But were never rooted in fact to begin with.

They give a sense of comfort, that there is order in the world, things don't just happen arbitrarily, you don't have to be afraid, it'll all be okay because there's a plan. And something isn't right, there's somewhere you can go for help. Humans are pattern-seeking creatures, which is one of the reasons we survived - it's better to see the predator in the bushes that isn't there than to not see the predator that is. So we associate the things we do with the outcomes we want, even if they have nothing to do with each other and don't influence each other in any way. Lucky underwear to win the game, prayer to survive COVID, etc. Unfortunately, it means we're also really bad at understanding randomness.

They answer existential questions like what do I do with my life, how do I get the best me out there, what are we here for? The answers are garbage when you really consider them, but on the surface, they give people peace of mind that they're supposed to be here, not just a random accident, and give people a sense of purpose.

They create communities to be social in, to know your place within society. We like to think that we're all independent agents, but the truth is we like structure, and tend to create groups and hierarchies. Even anarchists structure themselves around who's in charge of the group that doesn't like anyone taking charge, or how do we decide what we're going to do. So they solve social problems - who am I and where do I sit within the community? What type of person am I compared to others?

They also create moral structures as well. How do I know what the right thing to do is? What's right and wrong, or is it anything goes? How do I know what the right thing to think is? How do I group together with people who share the same values? How do we protect ourselves together from those who have different, sometimes very different values, and how do we keep others in the group from misbehaving and threatening the group like the outsiders? Which kind of ignores humanity itself as its own moral community, and usually sits on top of a mythology that ignores the evolution of human morality and the fact we wouldn't be here if we hadn't, and attributes it to an external cause, since we didn't see it happening.

Many of these are very natural instincts from a species that has developed in the wild under survivalist conditions, became self-aware but wasn't aware of becoming self-aware. And the conclusions are not surprising, given our tendency towards pattern-matching, confirmation bias, and capacity for problem solving and imagination, etc.

The species has only been around about 200,000 years, we only really became good at answering these questions within a few thousand years, and only started answering them correctly within the last few hundred years. A hundred years ago we couldn't fly. Now we have robots on Mars and a probe out past Pluto.

And yet, biologically, we're still more-or-less the same animals as we were 10,000 years ago (height and build have shifted due to changes in food supply). So, many of our innate instincts remain the same or similar, despite the change in our understanding and the complexity of the world.

https://twitter.com/jon_snow_420/status/659443020908003328

god: i have made Mankind angels: you fucked up a perfectly good monkey is what you did. look at it. it's got anxiety

It's not surprising that religion emerged, so it's not especially surprising that people continue to seek or act out many of the above functions in non-deity groups (political, ideological, even recreational, e.g. fandoms) that mimic religious, even fundamentalist, structures.

But we now have the capacity to meet these needs and solve these problems in better, more reality-aligned ways.

If only we had the courage to do so.

[guardianspirits13]

I wanna talk about Natsuo Todoroki for a second here.

tw// mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide

Natsuo visibly has the most emotional trauma out of anyone else in his family (Touya not included), and I really wanna talk about why that is.

For starters, we haven't seen him really smile since he was introduced in chapter 187. He's introduced as having a friendly, easygoing persona and it's easy to imagine this is how most people outside of his family know him. However, every time we see him appear since then, another layer of his trauma is revealed and expanded upon, and it cuts DEEP.

I think the main reason that Natsuo still seems so vulnerable compared to the rest of his family is different than what you'd assume. Fuyumi and Shouto both spend a lot of time around Endeavor, and have been in close proximity to his (relatively recent) decision to atone. They have seen his growth firsthand and come to terms with it. Rei has obviously taken a very different path to healing- not entirely voluntarily- but she has been working with doctors and therapists for years to change and recover and reconnect with herself and her children. Natsuo is off at college, and takes every opportunity he can to avoid Endeavor. He (understandably) wants nothing to do with him, and shows stagnant resistance to his attempts to atone.

The reason why Natsuo can't move on from the past is because his trauma didn't come from Endeavor. It came from Touya.

Now initially we were led to believe that it was simply Touya's untimely death that still bothers Natsuo, and it makes sense seeing how Endeavor drove him to the edge. Losing his best friend and brother as a young kid without parents to support him or any therapist to speak of can absolutely been the source of persistent emotional damage, but the more and more we learn about Touya's situation, the more evident it becomes that Natsuo's trauma is much much deeper than even grief.

Touya, as we know, was driven by an ambition instilled in him by his father and experienced extreme rejection sensitivity when those ambitions were no longer realistic. Touya's relationship with his parents could be described as insecure attachment, a psychological term primarily regarding how kids react and respond to their parents and other close relationships. As he was raised, Touya learned to equate his potential to be a hero with his personal worth and similarly confounded attention with love. The difference being, of course, that love is unconditional, but even attention was being continually directed away from him as a punishment for continuing to train and burn himself so he could once again become worthy in his fathers' eyes.

This is where Natsuo comes in. At first it was assumed that all of the Todoroki children were born out of Endeavor's strong-willed desire to have a child that could surpass All Might, but we learned that this isn't exactly the case. I'd argue that it was narratively poetic on Horikoshi's part once this was expanded upon. Fuyumi was born to support and encourage her brother, and that is the exact role she plays 23 years later, keeping her family together.

Natsuo's case is even more intersting.

It was bad enough if Natsuo was only born for the potential of his quirk, but it's even more sinister that the sole intent behind his birth was to discourage Touya from his ambitions. I'd say it was to replace him, but it was more to promote the idea that Touya was expendable than to raise aonther kid with the same ideals but the potential to actually achieve it, although that was definitely a secondary motivation.

The parallelism in this is how much Natsuo's life revolves around Touya. He was born because of Touya, he looked up to and took care of Touya as a kid, and the absence of Touya in the present continues to drive him and his decisions in life (but more on that later).

I continue to pray that we will eventually get more solid backstory on Natsuo and Touya's relationship as kids and where it cut off, wether on a bad note or not, but there are a few things we know for certain. One, Touya was mentally ill. Yes, he was rejected by his parents but he seems to have been particularly vulnerable to this compared to any of his siblings since he was the first of them and thus relied only on his parents for validation in his early years. He shows early signs of a variety of different mental disorders, particularly BPD, which I have previously written a whole analysis for on its own. Touya is shown self-harming both by the very nature of his quirk and even by very directly ripping his hair out. He was incredibly self-destructive.

This is why it is so much more concerning to me that Natsuo, who was AT LEAST four years younger than him, was his primary source of comfort. Natsuo was too young to have known anything more than 'my big brother is sad that daddy won't train him anymore' and he obviously wasn't equipped in any way to handle Touya's severe mental illness. Touya most definitely needed professional treaatment as his forms of coping were abnormal even for the neglect and rejection that he experienced. Natsuo comforted Touya through breakdown after breakdown, and more than that Touya relied on him and came to him voluntarily for support. Natsuo was the best option he had, and he took full advantage of that. The main source of Natsuo's trauma was Touya's reliance on him.

Not to say at all that this was in any way Touya's fault- he was mentally ill and desperately in need of some form of comfort to keep him sane; it was almost a survival method at this point since neither of his parents really acknowleged him at all anymore. Touya's instability hurt Natsuo more than parental neglect ever did, but it was the neglect that enabled it and striped Touya of the supportive atmosphere he would have needed at this point not only to prevent but to heal from the mental damage he had already suffered.

Natsuo dealt with this for years and you can see how much it hurt him to see Touya in so much pain, not only from Endeavor's rejection but from his own self harm as well. For Natuso to know that his brotherly love would never be the same as having loving parents; would neve be enough- but at least it was something so he continued to love and care about his brother for little in return- is indicative of the kind of character he is.

(Edit: After the events of chapter 302 we know that Natsuo's relationship with Touya wasn't perfect. I will elaborate more on this in a different post, but I just wanted to clarify that although we were shown a very high-tension scene between them, it is implied that this was a regular occurrence that Natsuo was usually more receptive too but tired out of, in addition to Touya's spiraling mental health. It fit with the natrative to show the tension Touya was feeling with his family from all directions, but Natsu and Touya clearly had a stronger relationship up to and before this point, evidenced by their sharing a room and playing together regularly.)

He is incredibly selfless, and it's interesting to note how many of his positive qualities as an adult stem from negative experiences as a kid. He never really felt love from his parents, so he relied on Touya (and likely also Fuyumi) for that as well. If he grew up learning he had to give love in order to recieve it back, it absolutely influenced who he became in the future, a solid example of this being the responsibility he feels to reach out and have a relationship with Shouto and further regrets that he wasn't able to help his abuse in the past either. Another aspect of his character that intruigues me is how gentle he is. Personality-wise he seems about as opposite as he could be from the awkward, stoic, emotionally-stunted person that is Endeavor.

There are a couple of reasons for this, beyond what I've already discussed.

One, he had little to no contact with elements of toxic masculinity growing up, especially not from Endeavor.

Two, most of the influence he did have growing up was from Fuyumi, who is established to have endlessly cared for him since he was a literal baby.

Three, he grew up in a household where almost everyone around him was in much more literal, immediate pain than he was so he developed a very strong sense of empathy that might also have been tied to early survivor's guilt.

Now I have one important distinction to make, and that's the temptation to label him as a 'softboy' or something of the like after seeing him caring for his family and more pointedly, watching him break down in tears during chapter 252. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with men being soft or vulnerable (on the contrary it's actually so so important and relevant that Hori is writing characters like this in a mainstream shounen manga but that's an essay for another time), it is unfair to label him as such based on a moment when his trauma is being exposed.

Because his truama stems from such a young age, there is a blurry line between just being born with more emotional intelligence and the situation he was in fostering those traits. You know, the classic nature/nurture thing. My point being, it's important to tread carefully when discussing the nature of his personality to avoid invalidating his trauma; I have no doubt that he is very strong for having survived these things, and the moments we see of him onscreen are definitely among his most vulnerable.

Another thing that people less familiar with Natsuo's character might assume is that he is hot-headed and argumentative. I thought that at first too- after all, he doesn't seem to shy away from yelling at Endeavor when given the opportunity. However, this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

The first real scene we see him in with Endeavor, the man walks into the room and Natsuo decides he can't handle it and goes to leave. However, Endeavor happens to be blocking the doorway. Endeavor physically stops him and provokes him to his face, asking him to say whatever is on him mind. While Natsuo is notably not confrontational, Endeavor is. I think it's fair to say that he felt at least uneasy at this gesture. Natsuo is very honest with his feelings, and it's obvious that he's pissed at the audacity of Endeavor to be so oblivious to his own son. This is presumably one of the first real interactions they've ever really had, and at this point Natsuo has been dealing with trauma (caused by Endeavor!) on his own for years, and Endeavor seems completely oblivious to his pain and dismmisive to the rest of the family's as well.

Again during the internship arc Natsuo tries to get along with Endeavor and this time he actually gives it a fleeting chance. Tensions are high, however, and the conversation very quickly becomes uncomfortable, at which point he leaves. It is continually implied that Natsuo is uncomfortable being around Endeavor because his very presence brings up painful thoughts and memories of a time when sharing the same space as him was a warning to run and hide. This is later directly confirmed by Natsuo as he says that every time he looks at Endeavor's face he remembers Touya and the pain he was in.

I feel like an important side note is that we have never seen Natsuo outside the context of his family, which is understandable, as the role he plays in the story directly relates to them. However, if you take a look at Shouto, even though his experiences have shaped him to become who he is, he definitely acts differently when Endeavor's not in the vicinity.

Back to Touya's death, it would be very rare that someone would mourn a death for an entire decade without finding closure unless there are other factors preventing it, and uncomfortably this seems to be the same thing for both Natsuo and Endeavor: guilt.

This is getting incredibly long already, but it's important to note that Natsuo probably felt an incredible responsibility to take care of Touya and protect him because of his empathetic nature. His love was never going to be the same as having loving parents. His encouragement was never going to be the same as having support from Endeavor. Even further than then neglect and abandonement, it was not being able to save Touya that really made Natsuo feel worthless.

He seems to try and remedy this inability to save Touya and diminish his guilt by doing everything he can to be better. He reaches out to Shouto to be a better brother, he consistently pushes his limits to entertain Fuyumi's notion of a happy family, and he's working hard towards a degree rhat will allow him to help people like Touya (and Rei) because he failed to do so in the past.

His bio mildly implies that he didn't have much of a direction he was heading in after high school, but Fuyumi's encouragement led him to seek out his current college career. This goes back to Natsuo's 'purpose' in a sense revolving arount Touya, from his birth to his relationship with him to his death, after which he lost his direction. They were always rather inseperable, so naturally their seperation hit Natsuo hard. He lost his direction in life so when Fuyumi encouraged him to rediscover it, he thought of helping people, because that's ultimately what he was born to do.

Thank you so, so much for reading this if you made it to the end! I clearly have a lot of thoughts on this. Let me know what you think about it as well, and hopefully we'll get more info on this soon in the manga :)

[ryoryeonggu]

To begin with, I’ve never been related to any characters like Jang Han Seo. It was oblivious that he was suffering from depression, anxiety and PTSD resulting from the abuse that he had been endured at home, but it seemed like he had the sign of social phobia as well. As we could see in the drama, his life completely revolved around his brother, he had no friends, no interested in dating or attracting to anyone (if we can count Han Seung Hyuk as his “friend” since he might be closer to him than anyone other than Han Seok and before Vincenzo). It might be because of the tittle as The Chairman of Babel and being born in a wealthy family which make him aware that people wanted to get close to him only for money or taking advantage of him to get what they wanted. But the things is, he seemed to avoid any chance of building relationships that have the potential to be more intimate or more complex than basic communication, rejecting even the slightest touch, not just with Han Seok - the one he's afraid of but almost everyone else.

For example, back when Vincenzo (the one he became extremely close to later on) was only a stranger and he pretended to be a fan to approach Han Seo. He appeared to be extremely enthusiastic and just only showed the want of touching Han Seo, Han Seo immediately flinched away and made a clearly uncomfortable expression. He looked at his hand like a gun pointing at him. 

Example 2, when Han Seung Hyuk - the one who had close relationship than anyone else besides his brother at that time, just about to go closer to him and he already gave the big “Don’t touch me bitch” energy and make a gesture for him to go away. 

This is the first time he had met his sister-in-law (applying for both his blood and adopted brothers). It didn’t go well.

Han Seo himself had proven to be an extremely clingy person and liked to actively skinship towards the people he was close to, but for others, when being touched, his body will immediately generate rejection and fear as a reflex.

Jang Han Seo had another trait that he was completely used to people ignoring him, not taking him seriously, but if someone liked him, complimented him, spoke well of him, then he didn't know how to react naturally as if his brain was immediately shut down. I totally understand this, because I have the same problem, if someone insults me even with the most hurtful things, I'll be like "you say nothing that I don’t already know. I also insulted myself like that every day so we have the same opinion bro” xD But if people compliment me with kind words, I will be extremely surprised, even scared and panic. I will be worried sick about how to make people continue to think well of me and what if I do something wrong later that makes them no longer like me. But of course, when the anxiety reaches a certain level, my mood will turn into: "Nevermind, let's care about it later. Who give a f*ck if they like me or not" lol But Jang Han Seo wasn’t like that. He remembered and held on to the praises of others stubbornly. Many people think that Han Seo betrayed Han Seok just because of Vincenzo, but in fact, the first person to put that thought into Han Seo's head was Han Seung Hyuk. He did not convince him with the benefits, fame, and money of being the true chairman of Babel, but that how he, on behalf of Babel’s member and as an employee of the company, valued and needed him. He hyped him up as the "sharp, ambitious and not murderous" ideally chairman, the only hope of Babel’s bright future and the only person that the people in the company could depend on. Before that, although he was really angry that Han Seok constantly rejected his offers, Han Seo kept saying "Are you telling me to betray my brother? Do you even know what you are saying?" showed that he completely accepted that he wasn’t able to run the company and continued to live in Han Seok's shadow, until Mr. Han opened a new vision for him. Han Seung Hyuk's words couldn’t tell that he was really meant it or not, and maybe Han Seo already knew he was untrustworthy, but it sparked the thought that he could actually do better than his brother and be capable of turning Babel into something good. When negotiating with Vincenzo, he mentioned not only that he wanted Vincenzo to spare his life but also Babel (not just the company itself or its property, but also the employees whose life depended on the company’s survival) Then Vincenzo came. Before Vin hyung appeared, Jang Han Seok was completely Han Seo's ideal model for him to look up to and learn from. He yelled at people’s face and throw hockey balls to their stomach to show his authority (like how his brother beated the shit out of him with a hockey stick when he messed up in the previous episode), making people afraid so they could listen to him (but most of his efforts failed miserably because he just looked like an adorable bratty angry kitten). Then Vin hyung appeared, encouraged him to study harder and gave him a completely different role model, the man he wanted to become. And that's when he started to change, showing his true self, he let his hair down, started to wear clothes that looked comfortable and youthful, laughed more often and looked more alive. After his brother went to prison, he turned into a friendly, gentle and loving chairman and didn't shout at anyone anymore xD Continued to episode 19, when Vincenzo mentioned the possibility of Han Seok being released from prison early and would come to him first, advising him to fly away to a foreign country, Han Seo, although trying to hide it, clearly shows his fear (of course when you've been terrified of something all your life, fear can't disappear within a day or two), but still refuses to run away because "I made a promise to you." Even when Vincenzo made it clear that "you can keep your promise to me later" and still tried to convince him, Han Seo was still determined to stay and fight to the end. Simply because Vincenzo showed his belief in Han Seo, that he had potential, he could change and become a better person, a trustworthy person that could count on, and because of that, he would do it everything to live up to that expectation (which he has proven he could - or at least tried to - do everything, except murders xD). Others' faith in him is Han Seo's biggest motivation, because he's probably used to being seen as a useless person without any value, a piece of trash that doesn't deserve to exist, not only for his brother, but also for his parents, who see his birth as an accident, a mistake of a casual cheating hook up, not a miracle result of their desire to have a child. That is also the reason why Han Seok completely failed to convince his little brother to betray Vincenzo by promising to give him all of Babel, it could be seen in Han Seo's reaction that there was not a bit of greed or joy, but a complete shock at his brother’s brutal request, and he still didn't move at all. It was only when Vincenzo took the initiative to kneel and asked him to do what Han Seok told him to do, Han Seo finally was able to stand up, and when Vincenzo said "It's okay", implying that he would’ve fully understood if Han Seo had chose to kill him for survival, in that moment he already knew what he had to do, even at the cost of the life that he treasured the most. Because what Han Seo longed from the beginning was never Babel, but rather to become a kind of meaningful existence, not only for others but also for himself.

[vecnawrites]

With Emerald's defection, she seems to think she needs to make up for her past transgressions, especially to Jaune. Jaune says the only thing he wants is to have Pyrrha back, even if it's just for one night. Well, Emerald can give him just that. Offering herself up to Jaune and disguising herself as the Mistrali Champion means she won't be able to walk for a few days, but if it gets her on Jaune's good side, it's a pain well worth it.

Emerald didn’t know how she was going to do this. The guilt was practically killing her at this point. She had always felt guilt over what had happened at the Vytal festival, what with the gynoid being destroyed (although it seemed that did nothing in the long run, since the innocent android was now fully human and taking hugs from everyone she could, even her, the very one that had gotten her ‘killed’ at the Vytal Festival), the Grimm being loosed within the Kingdom of Vale, and Pyrrha Nikos being murdered by her ex-leader, Cinder. Of all these things, she knew which one haunted the blonde leader of JNPR the most.

She didn’t know how anyone else didn’t notice...or maybe they did notice and just ignored it. How hurt, how broken he was. It wasn’t hard to hear him, crying in his dreams, stifled yells as he woke up in the middle of the night. That night almost two years ago now still haunted him. It haunted her, too. She had just thought that Cinder wanted power and a relic, she didn’t think she was going to do all...all that! She herself had nightmares for months after the event.

How had it come to that? She despised how Cinder had preyed on her desire for any type of love and acceptance, but knew that she had fallen for it because Cinder had told her what she wanted to hear. How working with her would keep her clothed in the best finery, belly full with the finest food, never sleep in the elements again...all she had to do was listen to her and do what she asked. Simple.

Except it wasn’t. Emerald was a thief, she had no shame in admitting she did what she had to in order to survive on the streets of Vacuao, but she had scruples. She never took from those who couldn’t afford it, and she had never killed. She didn’t want that stain on her soul...but it was a bit late for that now, she supposed. She had inadvertently helped kill and displace thousands. The stain on her soul would never leave. That pained her more than she could say.

But what hurt the most...was something that she heard him say. She was fairly sure he hadn’t meant for anyone to hear it, but she had been close enough to. They had been talking about what they would ask for if they could use the staff for anything they wanted...and she heard him whisper something heartbreaking.

“I just want Pyrrha back, even if it’s just for one night only…” she felt her own heart shrivel and break for him…

...which was why she was here, in front of his bedroom door, wrapped in a bathrobe. She waited until now, when everyone was asleep, so no one would interfere with what she was about to do. Swallowing deeply, she reached out and slowly opened the door.

The bedroom was dark, and would have been pitch black had it not been for the pale moonlight that cast a silvery sheen through the room, across the bed, highlighting the young man that had been filling her thoughts. Her heart thumped hard, pounding against her ribcage, the sound filling her ears, seemingly so loud that she was surprised that Jaune wasn’t shooting upwards with his sword in his hand.

Taking a few steps further into the room, Emerald closed the door and locked it behind her, not wanting anyone to decide tonight was the night they wanted to check in on him and see what she was about to do. It would likely destroy any headway she had made with earning their trust.

Swallowing, she loosened the knot tying her robe together, and let it slide off her body and flutter to the floor surrounding her ankles, exposing her bare body. Her large breasts capped with dark nipples, graceful frame, wide flaring hips, bubbly rear, and graceful legs combined to make a beautiful body that practically any male and some females would beg to worship.

But this body wasn’t the one that was going to be used tonight. Focusing that little part of her mind, Emerald activated her semblance and wrapped it around the still sleeping blonde in his bed, making her skin whiten, her breasts and butt shifting just a bit, her nipples turning a bright pink and her rear taking on more of a heart shape, her green hair growing longer and forming in a ponytail, turning to a burning red color, as her crimson eyes changed to the bright green of her namesake.

She supposed she should be grateful she shared group showers with the champion. She wouldn’t trust her own imagination with something like this. Swallowing roughly, she gently walked over to the bed and began to peel the blanket back, a flush coming to her cheeks unbidden as she revealed the surprising fact that Jaune apparently slept commando when alone.

She remembered him as a skinny nerd back at Beacon...but that obviously wasn’t the case now. Broad, defined muscles lay atop his body, almost as if he had been sculpted out of stone, the odd scar marring the skin here and there, telling her of the battles he had faced, that he had survived.

Her eyes trailed further down his body, seeing a firm six pack of muscles on his abdomen, leading to the defined ‘v’ shape of his hips, down to...oh my.

Emerald swallowed hard, staring down at the utterly massive endowment that lay between his thighs. Even completely limp against his inner thigh, he was a full six inches at least. She could only imagine his full size...but she didn’t have to. After all, in a few minutes, that would likely be in her. And that thought led to why she was grateful that she had procured birth control. His balls were huge.

She had to hand it to the blonde. Girls would have been flocking to him to ride something like this back at Beacon, but save Ni-Pyrrha, and Ruby, most considered him something of a joke. Meaning he hadn’t been bragging about it or even letting anyone know about what was between his legs.

Licking her lips, she slowly reached out and grasped the shaft of soft flesh, hefting it in her hand. She shuddered. Even completely soft, it was hot, and twitched against her palm, growing as she slowly moved her fingers along it. She swallowed back a wave of saliva as it stretched out and thickened, becoming erect in her massaging hand, reaching a length of over ten inches, feeling his heartbeat throb through it.

Climbing quietly into the bed next to the still miraculously sleeping young man, Emerald held his shaft gently while pulling him close. She hoped that doing this would help him…“Jaune? Jaune...time to wake up, sleepy head~” she murmured softly, her voice having changed to the gentle lit of Pyrrha’s. She rubbed his cock gently in her palm, already getting wet just from the thought of having this thick shaft of meat inside her...focus! This wasn’t about her pleasure, this was about helping Jaune move on...her eyes snapped to the blonde’s face as she groaned softly in his sleep, his eyes moving and twitching as he slowly began to awaken. She swallowed, her heart racing as bright blue eyes peeked open sleepily, glancing about half awake, before locking on her and sharpening, although still retaining that haze-like quality of being half asleep.

“Pyrrha? You’re...you’re here?” his voice was a thick rumble, making her quiver softly, praying she’d be strong enough to give him what he needed, what she had been a part of selfishly taking away. Instead, she forced a smile to her face.

“Hello again!” she said, her voice as cheerful as she could muster, seeing blue eyes sharpen with recognition, even as he stayed half asleep. She marveled at that, but then, she knew that he wasn’t sleeping well at all, having deep bags underneath his eyes that everyone saw, but no one spoke of. “I’m here for you Jaune...I...I’m so proud of you...you’ve truly become the Hunter I knew you could be.” she saw a lazy smile form on his face, enthusiastic, even if exhausted.

“I’m sorry, Jaune, but I can’t stay longer than tonight…” she hated herself when she saw the sorrow creep into his face, leading her to leaning down and kissing him on the lips gently, pumping his shaft gently with her hand, watching redness fill his face when she pulled back. His mouth worked, opening and closing as his eyes moved down, taking in her-Pyrrha’s body.

“I’m here to help you, Jaune...you’ve been in pain so long…” Emerald moved them so Jaune was lying on his bad and she straddled him, letting him see the entirety of Pyrrha’s body. She gently placed one of her hands on his chest, feeling the heavy thump, thump, thump of his heart beneath her palm, making her smile. “You’ve gone through so much...I may only have tonight, but I will help you move on…” she whispered.

Slowly, she rested her wet pussy on his cock and began to grind it, seeing his sleepy eyes becoming more alert as the signals of pleasure rushed through his body. “Just relax, Jaune...let me help you…” she murmured, shivering as she felt her lips spreading, trying feebly to wrap completely around his length, even as it lay pressed against his belly.

She forced herself to stay strong, to make sure her semblance stayed up and active. This wasn’t about her, she reminded herself. This was about helping Jaune move on. Any pleasure she earned was inconsequential.

“I can’t take away all the pain from you, but I can do this...please accept it, Jaune...I want you to not feel the guilt anymore...Cinder and Salem are to blame.” she said, barely biting back the urge to add her own name to the list of the damned, but she knew that he might protest, and honestly she didn’t want him getting too animated or perceptive. He might figure out the ruse.

Rising up, she swallowed as his cock sprung straight, throbbing mightily and brushing her damp labia. Reaching down, she grasped the thick stalk of flesh and wiggled her hips, slowly beginning to slide down, biting down the whimper that she wanted to release. Fuck, he had a battering ram attached to him! And while she wasn’t a virgin by any means (living on the streets meant you used any weapon you had to get what you needed), it had been years...and he was definitely the biggest she had ever been with...a thick groan spilled from her lips as her hips met Jaune’s, her core clenching tightly around the thick flesh within her.

Swallowing, she rubbed Jaune’s chest, before slowly lifting her lower body bit by bit, her pussy quivering around his cock as she pulled herself up, breasts heaving as she panted, looking down at the drowsy, but alert young man. “So much bigger...than I imagined…” she choked out. Fuck, she wasn’t going to be able to walk straight for days! She’d have to come up with some excuse for her limping…

She slowly moved in a rhythm, lifting and dropping her hips on that massive cock, a bubble of pleasurable warmth filling her lower belly. It was happening quickly, incredibly so, a mixture of sex for the first time in years from something other than her hand or a toy, and all the stress she had been feeling recently. Either way, she was sure to cum soon. But she ignored her own impending pleasure (doom) and instead focused on Jaune, who was becoming more active as the feelings and pleasure of sex flowed through him.

Grasping his hands, she lowered herself so their chests were pressed together and buried her face into his neck, allowing herself to focus simply on raising and lowering her hips and gauging the pleasure that Jaune was feeling. She hoped she was doing okay, though the soft moans coming from the body beneath her told her she was doing very well. She could feel that he was close to, a throbbing within her making her swallow, both welcoming and dreading what was going to come.

“I...It’s okay, Jaune…” she managed to moan. “Feel free to cum, whenever you want!” she grit her teeth as she felt that warmth beginning to suffuse throughout her body, feeling Jaune’s hands gently break away from her clutching own and move down to grab her hips, before moving down a bit further, becoming daring and roaming over her toned rear, fingers digging in as he squeezed. The throbbing within her became harder and more rapid, Jaune’s pelvis bucking upwards rapidly, letting her know that he was gonna-

“C-Cumming!” he gaspsed thoatily, and Emerald’s eyes squeezed shut, a small whine escaping her lips as she felt a pulsing wet heat shooting powerfully into her core, setting her off into her own orgasm. She whined louder, shuddering as she fought desperately to keep her semblance up with her body betrayed her, warmth suffusing through her body, her core clenching and flexing around Jaune’s cock.

She lay on top of him for several moments, before squeaking as she was suddenly rolled over so her back was against the mattress and Jaune was on top of her. He still looked half-asleep, but he was definitely alert, his eyes passionate and a small smile on his lips.

“Was too quick that time, Pyr...sorry, I’ll make it up to you…” Emerald swallowed hard as he rolled his hips, her sensitive core clenching around him. As he began to actually thrust within her, her eyes rolled up as he used strength she never knew he had...but perhaps Pyrrha had. One of the conversations she had eavesdropped on her having with Nora made so much more sense now.

x~x~x~x~x

“How did you know Jaune was so strong, Pyr-Pyr?” Emerald overheard the bubbly Valkyrie ask. She could almost see the smirk on the redhead’s face as she answered. “Well, Nora, for one thing, he carries his sword and shield around his hips with no issue. His very heavy sword and shield…” there was a beat of silence, and Emerald swore she could hear Nikos licking her lips. “Boy’s got hips like a jackhammer…” she shuddered at the almost horny tone and immediately moved away, deciding that she had heard far too much for the day…

x~x~x~x~x

Apparently Pyrrha was able to see something no one else could, squeals escaping her throat as Jaune began to really get into it, his hips going faster and faster and plowing into her core, filling her deeper and deeper, churning up the cum already within her.

‘Fuck, got to...gotta make sure he stays...in my semblance…’ Emerald whimpered as her legs swung up and around the blonde’s hips, throwing her head back as he began to truly hammer into her, his fat balls slapping into the underside of her ass, the slight sting only making the feelings flooding her body even more intense.

She opened her mouth to cry out, only for the sounds to be swallowed as her lips were claimed and her mouth utterly dominated by Jaune’s, his tongue forcing its way into her mouth and wrestling with her own. Her core flexed and rippled around his cock, as though her body was trying to milk him of cum.

Emerald’s head swam as Jaune broke the kiss between them, her swallowing a mouthful of their mixed saliva. Normally, such a thought would have disgusted her, but right now? Her fingers and toes only curled as she was sure her ass was making a divot in the mattress underneath her when he started to slam into her pussy, reshaping it to only be satisfied by his cock.

The hidden verdette whimpered. This wasn’t about her pleasure, this wasn’t about her pleasure...she heard Jaune grunting above her, felt his lips kissing her jawline and neck tenderly, smelled the tang of sweat mixed with the combination of his natural musky scent and the light perfume of the body wash he used during his shower.

Her eyes screwed shut and her jaw ground, a whine building up in her breast as she felt herself getting closer and closer to orgasm again. She didn’t know how much longer that she could handle this...but she would, simply to ensure that Jaune could get closure.

“C-Cumming, Pyrrha!” she heard Jaune gasp into her ear, his thrust becoming stilted and stuttering as he thrust into her fully, his balls resting on her ass cheeks, feeling them pulse, tense, and lift up as her insides were filled with massive, thick jets of cum, the viscous liquid draining downwards. She swore she felt her womb becoming filled, the cum filling the small chamber, before squirming around and searching for an egg to fertilize.

Starbursts burst bright, filled her eyes as a ringing filled her ears, her core clenching hard and flexing, milking the cock inside her and working hard to draw every drop of cum from Jaune’s balls. And boy, was the blonde delivering, the bursts of cum seemingly endless, more and more and more filling her pussy and womb up with the life giving fluid. She moaned as her orgasm slowly ended, the lazy haze of afterglow filling her with a pleasant buzzing sensation.

She was knocked out of it when Jaune collapsed on top of her, breathing heavily, pressing lazy, sleepy kisses along her neck, sucking and nipping at her pulse point. “I...I missed you, Pyrrha...so much…” he murmured in her ear.

Swallowing, Emerald gathered her strength in order to answer. “I...I m-missed you too, J-Jaune…” she gasped. Right. This was for him, this was for him...she inhaled sharply as Jaune rolled, cuddling her to him as they lay on their sides.

“Thank you for coming back...even if its only for tonight…” Emerald felt her heart break again at the overjoyed tone in his voice. Still she forced a smile to her face.

“I’m glad I could, Jaune...rest now, okay? I’ll stay until you fall asleep…” the door was locked, she knew she would be safe until then. A gentle kiss to her lips answered her, making her heart skip a beat. She watched as Jaune fought sleep as long as he could, but exhaustion, plus two intense orgasms and the after sex glow swiftly lulling him to sleep.

Emerald waited until she was sure Jaune was asleep, his breath evening out and slowing down, before she began to worm her way gently out of his hold, her breath hitching as she slowly pulled herself off of his cock with a muted pop, forcing aura to her pussy immediately, in an attempt to dull the stinging pain.

Glancing down at the sticky, flagging cock, Emerald fought with herself, licking her lips. “...well, I suppose it would be a bad thing for him to think that actually happened…” she whispered, leaning down and opening her mouth, gently drawing the limp shaft into her mouth and quickly cleaning it with her tongue, making sure not to do too much, lest Jaune wake up again. Still, every gasp and groan gave her a thrill.

Pulling off his squeaky clean cock, Emerald placed a gentle kiss along the tip, before carefully standing and beginning to waddle out of the room, collecting her robe as she did so. As she opened the door, she glanced over her shoulder to see Jaune sleeping peacefully, a small smile on his face.

A smile of her own on her face, Emerald made her way out, intent on getting a few hours of sleep herself.

~x~x~x~x~

Emerald sat in the living room, close enough to the others that she could still talk, but far enough that none of them would notice that she couldn’t fucking sit right. Her pussy ached like she had been punched in it, full force, no aura.

But then, Jaune did have a battering ram between his legs. Maybe he had horse faunus in his ancestry? Maybe, but that wasn’t exactly something one could just bring up in causal conversation. “Hey, Jaune? Do you have any horse faunus in your family? Why am I wondering? Well, its because I can barely walk after you almost fucked me through your mattress last night!”

She shook her head, as she heard Ruby speak. “Morning, Jaune! You’re looking-” the cape wearing scythe wielder was cut off by the bim-by Yang. “Not half-dead.” red eyes rolled upwards. Stay classy, Xiao-Long. Stay classy.

Listening, a red hue formed in her cheeks as she heard Jaune speak. “Yeah, I actually had a pleasant night’s sleep...I feel...lighter.” she ducked her head to ensure none of them saw her cheeks, staring down at her morning coffee as she remembered the previous night.

Jaune...despite thinking her to be another girl, had treated her better than any lover she had ever had before. All others had been a means to an end, to ensure some goal…she supposed this was to ensure a goal too, but it was a much better one than any of the others.

She blinked as Jaune sat by her, a cup of coffee in his own hand. “Morning, Emerald. How did you sleep?” the verdette cursed internally as her pussy twinged at his voice. She couldn’t just say, “My pussy is damn near broken from that bitch breaker you have, be more gentle next time will you?”, could she?

But she didn’t need to say anything, as Jaune leaned forwards and began to talk softly. “I want to thank you for last night.” her eyes widened in horror at the fact that she had been caught, her heart pounding in her chest so loudly that she almost missed his next words.

“I...I wanted to believe that I was fine, that I had moved on...but I had simply slapped a bandage over an open wound. Allowing me to see her...it helped in ways that I didn’t know I needed…”

Emerald began to calm down. He didn’t appear upset...or maybe he was just hiding it so he didn’t bring their dirty business up in front of people who couldn’t keep their opinions to themselves or their noses out of other’s business.

“I will admit, waking up alone sucked,” Emerald winced, “...but I understood it. I want to thank you again...and honestly?” he shrugged. “If you want to ever...hah, I’ll be blunt: Emerald, would you like to try a relationship? It can be purely physical, or we try to see if we can be romantic, whatever you want.”

Emerald was shocked. She raised her coffee and took a sip, pondering over his words. While laying in bed very early that morning, she had thought about that very notion. She had thought it laughable, after all, who would want a girl that had helped cause a kingdom’s fall? Looking at him, her gaze fell to the table. “Are...are you sure? I...you know what I’ve done…” she whispered.

She found her hand grabbed and squeezed in a pale, callused one. “Yes, you’ve done bad things, so have I. I snuck into Beacon by faking my transcripts. Its not as grand a scale sure, but neither of our slates are clean. What matters is what we do to make up for what we’ve done, and if we’re willing to forgive ourselves for our transgressions. Will you try?”

Emerald’s eyes stung and her throat tightened. Why, why couldn’t she have met this lovable goof before she had met Cinder? Things would have been so different…but he was right. She couldn’t change her past, all she could do was work towards a better future for herself.

Raising her gaze, she saw his hopeful look, and decided to give him her answer; she leaned forwards and pressed her lips against his firmly, feeling his free hand cup the back of her head and allow them to kiss better.

...and if she heard the noises of shock and confusion coming from the others, she ignored it. They weren’t important. What was important was in front of her right now.

[thevictorianghost]

If you could rewrite legend of korra and make it your own(or just in general better) how would you do it? The villains would stay the same and korra and crew are the same(personalities you can definitely tweak a bit. I would definitely not have any love triangles and make korra and asami happen in the beginning) how would you do it with your ships being canon as well?

Okay so I’ve never actually watched LOK. I’ve heard A LOT about it through watching countless video essays on Youtube and reading Tumblr posts about it. I know the who, the what and the how, I just haven’t wanted to watch it because, even though it looks cinematically gorgeous, the story was written by Bry/ke and there’s a LOT of it, worldbuilding and storywise, that I just can’t bare to watch.

So here goes. This got long. Enjoy!

1) Remove the Decopunk world. 

A Decopunk world is a world where technology is 1920s-ish, but very advanced. We have cars, tanks, radio, bobs and faux bobs, cloche hats, short skirts, nice suits, etc. I adore Decopunk. The 1920s are one of my favourite eras. An optimistic way of looking at the world, partying, illegal alcohol, the remnants of the Great War... I love it. I really do. But it doesn’t work in the pre-established world of Avatar. It brings elements that are far too imperialistic and colonial in nature (which prompted the comics to be imperialistic and colonial in nature, with the Northern and Southern Water Tribe, you can find many posts about that), which came along hand in hand with the Industrial Revolution, as this article puts it so well. Please read it, it’s awesome.

Why did they feel they had to denature Avatar’s world? They already had everything they could possibly want. 

The Fire Nation could be more Steampunk, which is a little less advanced than Decopunk (First Industrial Revolution vs Second Industrial Revolution) because there were elements of Steampunk in the Fire Nation Army (such as the tanks, the navy and the dirigibles). But it could be for them only. It could show us how Zuko transformed the Fire Nation from a war industry to a steam-powered country. This could be the new way to channel firebending (and please, no more “anyone can do lightning bending”, you don’t need lightning bending to get electricity and it makes  Zuko, Iroh, Ozai and Azula weak in the show!). 

We’ve seen waterbending used in clever ways in the Northern Water Tribe. How could Katara’s waterbending and Sokka’s engineering influence the Southern Water Tribe to make them use waterbending more? Canals, waterfalls, waterways, etc.? In new and different ways? Could the Southern Water Tribe use hydroelectricity, but in a clean, sustainable way? Why does the Southern Water Tribe port look so... mundane? 

The Earth Kingdom already had a working train system in Ba Sing Se. And the postal system in Omashu. Toph could have taught earthbenders how to follow the Badgermoles way and dug tunnels throughout a nation in peace. Then boom. Subways. But instead of machines pushing the people along, you can have benders do it. Instead of messenger hawks, the postal system could run through the entire kingdom instead of just Omashu and be much more efficient. The Earth Kingdom could be praised for its fast postal system that could, maybe, work as telegrams.

I’ll come back to the Air Nomads.

Those are just examples from the top of my head. I don’t mean “never allow technology to “””progress””” (I use that word veeeeery loosely because it has huge imperialistic undertones). I mean instead of trashing the fun parts of bending to make way for Decopunk technology that doesn’t need bending, work with it! Get creative! This worldbuilding feels... too easy. When Avatar: The Last Airbender was praised for its worldbuilding.

I adore Decopunk. I enjoy it far more than Dieselpunk and it’s much less known that Steampunk. But it has no place in the Avatar world.

2) That doesn’t mean “remove Republic City”.

First of all, it should honestly have a better name. It’s kind of like naming a city “Democracy City”. Which is way too on the nose. Harmony City sounds better, and that’s the first thing that came to mind. Anyway.

I really like the idea of a city being built in the spirit of Iroh and the White Lotus. To allow the Four Nations to live together in harmony in one city. But why is Republic City literally New York City with an “““Asian””” flair? What is up with that? I know New York is the MOST Decopunk city ever (you can’t encounter anything Decopunk without seeing New York, with its Art Deco buildings, the Harlem Renaissance, the Prohibition, etc.). But they do NOTHING with it! They just take New York, change some names, add some Asian flair, and call it a day. 

I don’t want 1920s New York for Republic City. I want Zootopia.

What happens in a city where all the Four Nations are represented? How does Water, Earth, Fire and Air work together? Big cities tend to be quartered in neighborhoods, so each neighborhood could be a smaller version of their nation. We could have a Northern Water Tribe next to an Earth Kingdom next to... you know what I mean? Each neighborhood could be a small-scale introduction to the nation for Korra first, then you can send her to that nation afterwards!

Which leads us to this.

3) Have Korra follow a traditional Avatar’s journey. 

I really don’t know why they decided that Korra would learn three elements before the age of sixteen (when that’s the age Avatars usually START their journeys) and then only have her learn Airbending during the entire show. Wasn’t the structure of each Book being about Aang learning one element at a time a good structure? Why go out of their way to NOT do that? Why was it the White Lotus’ prerogative to train the Avatar in the first place, too?  

So let’s have Korra know waterbending first (and show Katara teaching her, please!), then she can learn Earth, Fire and Air. By going to the Earth Kingdom, to the Fire Nation, and to the Air Temples. This could help develop each nation and show us how they have grown through the years. And it could lead Korra and the audience to figure out that there’s not only Aang who has had children to represent the Air Nomads, but there were other Air Nomads who survived the genocide and we can actually see the Air Nomads as a thriving culture.

So about Republic City. As I said, we could keep it. But now that Korra is going on a traditional Avatar journey, you could have, say, one episode at the beginning and one episode at the end of each season taking place in Republic City. To show us how each Nation’s neighborhood works and as an introduction to Korra before she actually takes the plunge to travel to that nation. 

Please! Build upon the Avatar world at large more! Come on!

4) Stop it with the love triangles. 

Many have talked about the Mako, Korra, Bolin and Asami love triangles. I’ve read once that they don’t exactly feel like friends, they’re only colleagues who share the fact they all dated Korra at one point. Which is sad. Knowing that the Gaang is so beloved because they’re such GOOD FRIENDS first!

So work to build strong, healthy friendships first, THEN start thinking about romance if you have to. And please, if you want a ship to be endgame, don’t have it so you have to confirm it on Twitter. 

Don’t.

Oh! And also. Bolin and Eska’s relationship was unhealthy as all hell and treated as “funny” and “comic relief” because a woman was being emotionally abusive to a man. That’s terrible. Please don’t do that.

5) Don’t let Katara fall to the side like she did. 

Many, MANY before me have talked about how Katara got the short end of the stick in LOK. Where’s her statue? Where’s her recognition as the Greatest Waterbender in the World? Why is she day in and day out in the healing hut, when she said “I don’t want to heal, I want to FIGHT”? Does she even have a waterbending school? Or is that completely fanon? Why does she allow Aang to take one of their children on life-changing field trips while leaving their other kids behind? Aren’t they also Air Nomads by birth??

It’s okay to worship the old Gaang because, well, we all love them! I do love Aang, even if I give him a hard time a lot, but I love the character. I just don’t like the way Book 3 Aang was written. But some characters shouldn’t have everything while others have nothing. Aang is LITERALLY THE STATUE OF LIBERTY. But where was Katara’s statue? And also, what happened to Suki?? What happened to Mai or Ty Lee, too?? Or even Sokka?? He died some time ago and... that’s it??

Which brings us to this.

6) Zutara, Taang, Sukka and Mailee.

I’ve seen that picture of Toph, Aang, Sokka and Katara being edited with Zuko and Katara next to each other, Toph and Aang next to each other, and a (suddenly alive!) Suki next to Sokka. I think that’s so good! It feels so healthy!

Not all relationships that started when people were kids work out. Sokka and Suki seem the strongest relationship at the end of the show and they’re probably the only ones I could see working out in the end. Sokka could become the Southern Water Tribe Chief and Suki could become his Queen when she’s retired from the Kyoshi Warriors.

Katara and Aang would be lifelong friends, of course they would be, but I don’t really see them lasting. Aang was twelve when they started dating. They’d date a few years, then they’d decide they want other things. That’s a good thing to show kids!

I’ve written many metas about Zutara, but Ambassador then Fire Lady Katara would show a changing world, where the Fire Nation, now no longer a war industry but a Steampunk country, is moving forward, with Zuko literally marrying a woman the Fire Nation tried to wipe out. They would be equals and leave an equal mark upon the world. Together.

Toph and Aang would be amazing together. They’d be a great team, working in the Earth Kindom, helping rebuild the old Temples when the Air Nomads came out of hiding, and bringing peace around the world. I don’t think they’d be a conventional relationship. They’d do their own thing for a while, find each other for a while, work together on some projects, then continue doing their own thing. Aang being the Avatar who travels the world and Toph teaching metalbenders and working with the King in Ba Sing Se and Bumi in Omashu and wherever she’s needed. I think Toph would be much more fulfilled than what we’ve seen of elderly Katara. She doesn’t have Katara’s abandonment issues (I’ve talked about them here) and she’s more independent, I believe.

I know I haven’t talked about them much yet, but I want Mai and Ty Lee together in the end. Badass ladies challenging their respective stereotypes and create a new world for themselves. Mai could find herself away from the Fire Nation court (I don’t know what she’d do, but circuses love people who throw knives, don’t they? She could be a circus performer for a while), and I think Ty Lee, in this version, could work at the circus and with Aang to rebuild the Air Nomads. I love the idea of Ty Lee being a descendant of the Air Nomads.

All of them should be shown creating Zootopia-like Republic City. Because of course they should be! They’re the Gaang!

So yeah, that’s how I would see the world of Avatar grow beyond the borders of the original show! :)

[evilvarric666-archive]

that post about self sacrifice narratives made me think of how da accidentally goes a step further and ends up (in part) being a cautionary tale about self sacrifice, or rather showing people the other side of self sacrifice and the ugly side of the glorification of martyrdom. like im not going to mention it all, but take dao as an example. the figure of the warden/hero necessarily originates from sacrifice (except in the brosca origin where brosca's life was already permeated by sacrifice, and the figure of the warden is born not from sacrifice or tragedy, but from both this sense of chance or destiny, rage and revenge, which is VERY interesting to me but i dont want to go off topic), and the game seems to constantly insist on the idea of glorifying sacrifice "for a good cause". this is not alarming to the audience, because its something constantly seen in other similar mainstream narratives: the someone sacrifices themselves for the greater good and everyone is better off because of that sacrifice. because a narrative that shows the good and virtuous side of sacrifice for a greater purpose is useful, so why would they bother to explore how inhuman it is to ask someone to give up their life, how painful it is to resign oneself to misery so others can live. they never make you think about the person behind the act, they take advantage of the distance of the audience, they dehumanize the figure of the martyr to make them perfect and virtuous to further a certain narrative, and they focus on showing the "bigger picture" to promote a certain message. but there are instances where the game tries to show the player some hidden cracks in that particular "self sacrifice is noble act" ideology. the issue is that they are fairly easy to ignore. we can choose to ignore the fucked up-ness behind the deaths of the recruits during the joining because they happened to further a greater cause. we can ignore the grief of the families that have lost loved ones in battle because thats what happens during war and there's nothing anyone can do about it. we distance ourselves from the grief and misery of martyrdom by glorifying the heroes that sacrifice everything, distance ourselves from the messed up inhuman nature of the idea of asking a person to sacrifice their life in exchange for the lives of others, because we're playing a game, we truly don't risk anything, and we dont have to give up our lives, so its easy for us to mantain this idea of "sacrifice=good" and even easier to get influenced to carry that idea into real life and see it as a virtue. to think only of the heroic part. but if we choose to go through with the dark ritual, the game instantly turns the tables on us, gets personal, and forces us to pay attention to the misery and pain, the unfairness and the helplessness, the mutual suffering that self sacrifice truly entails, using the only person we can't completely help or "save": morrigan(1/2)

(putting the rest under a readmore bc it's long but OH MY GOD?)

(2/3) For someone like morrigan who's had to fight tooth and nail all her life just to survive in a wild and hostile environment with not a word of kindness or a helping hand ever being offered to her, for someone like morrigan who had to learn that she could trust no one but herself ever, that the world was a cruel savage place and the only way to survive it was to be just as cruel, cunning and manipulative, that was certain that love and friendship were illnesses experienced by fools who were looking for a quick death or betrayal or worse, that fully believed that having power over everyone acquired through any means so that she couldnt be hurt or taken advantage of was the only important thing in life, for someone like morrigan who finally got the chance to make her seemingly impossible dreams come true and also be in a relatively safe position for the first time in her life, who finally got to experience love and care from others and mutual companionship, friendship and selflessness, and finally was part of a real "family" for the first time in her life, to give up ALL THAT and her own freedom simply for the sake of another person, without getting any real reward or benefit from it, when she could've just thrown everyone under the bus like she'd been taught all her life and lived safely the way she'd ALWAYS wanted? thats messed up and painful to experience, and made even more painful by the knowledge that the warden can only watch, because nothing they say will make her not sacrifice herself. and she'd be the perfect martyr, the perfect example of the virtue in sacrifice if only the whole thing was seen from a distance, if it wasnt for the warden/player getting to see firsthand and personal how terrifying, fucked up and unfair the whole situation is, for both them who are on the receiving end and for morrigan, but mainly for morrigan. morrigan, whose life has been nothing short of miserable, choosing to give up and destroy her own dreams, choosing the prospecy of misery and loneliness, choosing to be far away from the world she loves, choosing to GIVE UP HER LIFE IN THEIR WORLD to let someone she loves live happily and safely, even despite all the pain and grief that separation and sacrifice cause in her heart. she gives up EVERYTHING WILLFULLY for ANOTHER PERSON'S SAKE, she puts the life of another before her own in the most absolute and painful of ways, going aganist every painful lesson in her life, solely because of love.

(3/3) theres just no bigger sacrifice than what she did. to not only go aganist everything youve been taught and completely believed all your life, but also to sacrifice yourself and decide to face the idea of not death, but the idea of a life of pain and loneliness again, a life with little to no benefits for which you had to give up everything you wanted, a life that includes the terrifying reality of having to give birth to and raise a child, alone, with all the trauma morrigan has surrounding the idea of that particular experience, just for the sake of another person that only offered you love and friendship for a short moment in your life? it's the biggest declaration of love for another being that could ever be made, and it's the most messed up thing ever because it speaks volumes about how starved morrigan was, how messed up her love is for her to consider that one chance given to her by another person, that hand extended towards her, that moment of friendship, love and kindness, worthy of sacrificing ten years of her life and her dreams for. how little she must care for herself if she gave up so much for the first person that extended kindness to her for a short time. and it's painful because it goes both ways, because sacrifices always do, because it's unforgettable and it stays with the warden forever, not only because of the emotional bond they have with morrigan, but because now they have a literal bond between them. the warden now has to keep living a life they took from morrigan, and with the grief of not having morrigan around. they can no longer live for themselves. every day alive is a reminder that someone else gave up their time so the warden could have it. someone else is not seeing the world just to let the warden see it. someone else is alone, while the warden gets to be around people. and the sacrifice is mutual in the end, because the pain is mutual, because the love was mutual. the warden doesnt get to see morrigan, and can only keep this life and the memories, the love and the grief, and the undying hope as a reminder that someday they might meet again. but its mostly grief, and learning how to live with it, with all the love they can't give, and how to carry it gracefully.