#“this is my dog ivan he's a little dumb looking but he's a good boy”

[crustyfloor]

he played kickball with Till's flowers

og image btw

[superman86to99]

Adventures of Superman #505 (October 1993)

REIGN OF THE SUPERMAN! The Reign is over, and Superman does what we’d all do after being dead for several weeks and coming back to life: no, not visiting your parents, making out with Lois Lane.

Or more than making out, since the next page starts with a caption that says “Later...” and lets us know that they both had to take a shower. (NOTE: Check Don Sparrow’s section below for artist Tom Grummett’s definitive take on what happened in that scene.)

Their post-resurrection bliss comes to a stop when they remember a little detail: Clark Kent is still presumed dead. How are they gonna explain his return without making the extremely smart residents of Metropolis suspect that Superman and the guy who looks like Superman but with glasses are actually the same person? Superman’s mind immediately goes into “wacky bullshit excuse” mode and he starts spitballing ideas, like claiming Clark lost his memory, or was carried by underwater currents, or was abducted by aliens. Honestly, I’m pretty sure that last one would work, since there have been THREE major alien invasions in the past few years, but Lois thinks no one would be dumb enough to fall for that sort of thing. Really, Lois? No one?

At this point, Superman picks up some supervillain activity with his super hearing, so he gets dressed and goes there (though it would have been pretty intimidating for the criminals if she’d shown up in that shower rug). A bank uptown has been taken over by Loophole, a S.T.A.R. Labs accountant who stole a gizmo that allows him to phase through walls. When Superman shows up to arrest him and his henchmen (are they all villainous accountants?), Loophole literally puts his first through Superman’s chest, instantly killing him. RIP Superman, again.

Nah, Supes just swats Loophole away and breaks the gizmo, causing him to get his crotch area stuck inside a vault door. Now he has to change his supervillain name to “DickVault”.

(I freaking love Maggie Sawyer, btw.)

After that, Superman goes to one of the areas trashed by his fight with Doomsday and helps clean up the junk that’s still laying around there. It’s then that he finally reunites with his best friend and most valued ally: Bibbo Bibbowski. (Jimmy Olsen’s there, too, unfortunately.)

Bibbo also introduces Superman to the dog he named in honor of his home planet, Krypto -- and it’s Krypto who provides the most significant moment in this issue. The little mutt starts barking at some debris from a destroyed building, leading Superman to examine it with his X-Ray vision and find some kids underneath.

Turns out the kids had been trapped there since the Doomsday fight, leading some random passerby (fine, Jimmy) to wonder if Clark could be stuck in a similar situation. Superman and Lois look at each other... giving Superman an idea and providing the premise for next week’s issue.

Character-Watch:

First appearance of Loophole (real name Deke Dickinson, C.P.A.), who would become a running joke in Karl Kesel’s Superman and Superboy comics. While his phasing powers are tech based, he also has the metahuman ability to somehow convince attractive women to be his girlfriends/henchwomen despite being a balding little dweeb. In this issue he’s dating a blonde named Sheila (who wears a mask, so maybe she’s actually hideous), but I’m pretty sure he had other girlfriends in future issues.

Plotline-Watch:

As I said... holy shit, five years ago: no one draws Supes coming back to Lois after an extended absence like Tom Grummett. This scene is almost a remake of the one from that issue when Superman comes back from his time traveling jaunt. There’s also a callback to Man of Steel #25, when Lois hears a tap on her window and thinks it’s Superman, but it’s just some dumb bird. This time she gets it the other way around:

Don Sparrow says: “There’s a cute visual callback to the last time Superman returned after a long absence on page 18, when Superman is reunited with Jimmy. It’s a near identical pose to Action #643, where Superman returned from exile in space (and in that moment, infected Jimmy with Eradicator-based space sickness, womp womp).” I think he’s instinctively throwing Jimmy up in the air, hoping the cold of space will kill him. Unfortunately, both murder attempts were unsuccessful.

As seen above, Maggie Sawyer wasn’t too convinced that “Fabio” here was Superman at first. That changes when he calls her “Captain” even though she was recently promoted to Inspector, and she’s like “only a dead man wouldn’t know all the precise ranks for the local authorities!”

The surviving non-Supermen are seen arriving at S.T.A.R. Labs for medical care after the Engine City showdown. Don again: “There are some mild continuity issues stemming from Superman #82, which perhaps wasn’t completely finished being drawn while Tom Grummett worked on this one, as Steel’s costume is almost entirely intact, when we last saw it a week ago, it was in tatters. Ditto the Eradicator, who was a wizened husk, and now is apparently a scorched Ivan Drago.” Let’s assume Supergirl worked her clothes-shifting magic on Steel’s armor and the Eradicator’s, uh, hair.

There’s a short scene where Superboy is visited by his reporter pal Tana Moon, who tells him she quit WGBS and is leaving Metropolis. Awww. Goodbye, Tana. Or should I say... aloha?

Meanwhile, Lex Luthor Jr. has a scene with Dr. Happersen where he says he intends to control or destroy anyone who wears the “S” symbol. Basically, if he can’t date them, they should be dead. He also instructs Happersen to help Cadmus’ Director Westfield get in contact with disgraced genetician Dabney Donovan. Get ready for a whole lot of clone-related shenanigans in the near future.

And now, more Don Sparrow-related shenanigans after the jump!

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow​):

This issue is another favourite of mine, but I suppose all these issues around the Death and Return are faves when I really think about it.  My copy of this issue had the holographic fireworks cover, and it’s a good one.  I like that Superman and the Daily Planet are in natural colour, rather than holograms.  The cover credit goes Karl Kesel, Tom Grummett and Doug Hazlewood, so I’m not sure what the breakdown was (or if that’s just a handwritten cover credit, just in case?

The story opens with one of my favourite sequences ever, with Lois waking up on her couch, having fallen asleep following the events in Coast City.  I love the detail as she opens the curtain, we see her engagement ring, indicating she knows her real fiancée has returned.  This sequence is followed up by two pages of splashes of the passionate reunion of the best couple in comics.  All beautifully rendered as they float, locked in a passionate, sunrise kiss.  Just lovely (so lovely that I am willing to overlook a small colouring error, as Lois has black hair instead of reddish brown for one panel).  [Max: I can confirm that they fixed that in the collections.]

What follows is a very cute scene, and one of some debate among Superman fans.  There’s no overt evidence of what happened, all we get is a cryptic caption reading “later…”.   Again, I give credit for the subtlety of the writers, as they depict this scene in a way that can be read either way:  maybe Clark and Lois made love, and the “later” we are seeing is afterglow, or maybe Lois had a shower since she just woke up after sleeping in her clothes. Then, after calling his parents while Lois showered, Clark had a shower himself.  I feel like today’s writers wouldn’t feel the need to be so subtle, and might lose the sweetness of this scene.  

In previous posts, I’ve talked about my friendship with artist Tom Grummett, and how as a boy, I would wear him out with all my dumb fanboy questions.  Once I got older, and our relationship became a little more collegial (just a little closer to collegial, since I in no way consider myself anywhere near his level of skill or success) I would really try not to geek out too much when we would visit.  But the one question I had to ask was about this scene, and what their intention, or interpretation of it was, as I was always curious.  Once I had explained to him which issue it was (the guy has drawn hundreds, so they might not all spring to mind immediately!) he admitted that his assumption was indeed that they had sex.  So there you have it!  [Max: Hot damn! Another Superman ‘86 to ‘99 exclusive, folks!]

However you wish to read this scene, the choreography, and facial expressions as they horse around is really sweet and fun, and such a nice, light tone compared to the do-or-die pace the books had been for the last two years or so.   Their easy joking, and back and forth banter really do a great job of showing them as a real couple.

It’s a very nice pose on Supergirl as she lifts off, simultaneously spurning Superboy’s romantic complaints.

I quite like the design on Loophole, and his gang.  Loophole himself kinda harkens back to the silver age villains of the Flash as Loophole has a unique hairline, is an older man, with a pretty average build, which was rare for villains in the 90s. His gimmick is pretty cool, too, though we immediately see its vulnerability.

The tearful reunion of the now-sober Bibbo and Superman is also a great moment—if anyone rose to the challenge of living up to Superman’s example in his absence, it was Bibbo.  I discuss the scene in more detail in the observations later, but the image of Superman whipping away the debris on page 20 is a great visual, with the dust clouds creating great motion and urgency.

On the whole, a great first issue for the return to the never-ending battle, even if it brings us closer to Grummett’s last issue on this title (for a while).

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

Could Superman referring to the Death and Return storyline as a dream, while stepping out of the shower be a reference to Dallas, and their famous about-face after an unpopular season, where Bobby Ewing emerged from the shower, alive and well, dismissing a yearlong storyline as a dream?

A coy semi-reference to perhaps my favourite line in the first Reeve Superman film on page 8, where Supergirl says “Easy steel, we’ve got you, then later adding, “ok, you got me”.  

A little more issue-to-issue dissonance with Superboy reversing himself from the end of Superman #82, where he said clearly that Kal-El was Superman, with Superboy pointing out that legally, he’s Superman and not Kal. [Max: I think he’s talking strictly in the legal sense, since he helps Superman deal with the legal problem on the next issue and all.]

For all the times that Superman has used his heat vision on guns (as he does on page 11), we’ve never seen rounds get burned off, firing on their own because of the heat.  There might be an idea there.    

An odd sorta-cameo by Erik Larsen’s Savage Dragon, who Superman apparently defeats in the waterfront district. An eagle-eyed reader asked Larsen about it in issue #6 of Dragon’s own book, and he nixed any proper crossover rumours, saying it was just a shout-out from Larsen’s buddy Karl Kesel.  Eventually they’d meet in Superman/Savage Dragon: Chicago, a so-so crossover in 2002.

A slightly bawdy joke from one of the Loophole gang, on page 14, as the moll of Deke Dickson calls Loophole a “weiner”.  

GODWATCH: A stirring moment when Superman detects the faintest of life-signs, thanks to would-be super-pup, Krypto, and responds “God willing” when someone asks if anyone is alive in that wreckage.  The love and concern in Superman’s eyes when he says he’d “rather die” himself than let little ones perish is a tear-jerker moment for sure.  Bonus points for the cuteness of Superman heaping praise on Krypto, with the line “if that dog could fly, I’d put a cape on him…”

Question:  Does Jimmy know? He comes up with the solution to the Clark problem very conveniently.  Maybe he’s smarter than we (and by we, I mean Max) give him credit for? [Max: It was all Krypto! Okay, I’ll concede that maybe Jimmy is as smart as a dog.]

[dakotacrisis]

Transferred (5)

Miraculous Whine and Cheese Club

---

After a couple days Marinette was finding herself well accommodated to her new school. She kinda knew where she was going from class to class, and had some nice new friends. Nanette and Quinn had basically adopted her and Kagami was always there with an open seat in classes. She had a routine which made everything easier to digest.

Wake up, go to school, hang out with friends, go home, have dinner, do homework, text Adrien, go to sleep.

That was another thing. Adrien and Marinette hadn’t seen one another since she transferred schools but they texted every night now. Usually about how their day had been. Small talk and dumb jokes. It was nice. Talking to him before she fell asleep was a perfect way to end her night.

This night was no exception. Marinette’s phone pinged with a new message from Adrien.

Do you wanna grab lunch tomorrow?

Her heart sped a little at the thought of seeing him again after so long apart.

Sounds great!

Marinette responded.

Great! Where do you wanna go?

My friend Nanette’s parents own a cute little cafe halfway between the schools. The Winking Violet. Sound good?

Sounds perfect! See you there!

Goodnight, Adrien

Goodnight, Marinette

Marinette let herself a small squee of joy before plugging her phone in to charge and going to sleep.

The next day Marinette headed over to the cafe. Nanette’s moms, whom Marinette had gotten to see a lot of these past couple days, saved a nice table inside. It was raining so the outdoor seating was closed which was a shame since it was great for people watching.

“Marinette?” Marinette looked up to see Aurore. “Hi, I thought that was you.”

“Hi, Aurore, what are you doing here?” she asked.

“Looking for a part-time job. No one is hiring weather girls so I thought I’d try my hand at waitressing.” Aurore shrugged, “What are you doing here?”

“Getting lunch with Adrien. Did you want to join us?” Marinette offered.

“I don’t want to intrude on your date.”

“It’s not a date. We’re just catching up.” Marinette’s face lit up with the mention of the word ‘date’. “I haven’t seen him since I transferred. I haven’t really talked to you either so I’d rather like it if you stayed.”

“Well…” Aurore looked out at the downpour before pulling up a chair at the little glass table. “I have missed you.”

The girls got to talking and were sipping some warm tea when Adrien finally showed up. “Sorry I’m late. It took me forever to convince father to let me come out for lunch.”

“No problem, Aurore’s been keeping me company.” Marientte nodded to their companion.

“Hey Adrien, I know I wasn’t invited--”

“You’re fine. It’s nice to see you outside of school.” Adrien assured her before sitting down and ordering a hot chocolate. This was turning out to be a better afternoon than Marinette pictured. Good company and a warm drink to sip while the rain pattered outside. It was so cozy.

After they exchanged the usual pleasantries and ordered their food they started to get into the real meat of the afternoon.

“How is your new school?” Aurore asked Marinette.

“Great. The people I’ve met are really nice and the teachers are first rate. Also, no Lila. It’s probably one of the best things to ever happen to me.” Marinette responded through bites of her sandwich.

“UUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!” Adrien threw his head back as he let out a long groan. It would have been funny if not for the multiple heads that swiveled their way.

“What’s going on with him?” Marinette whispered to Aurore.

“Oh, Lila has been dogging his heels ever since you left.” Aurore frowned, “He’s not too happy about it.”

“Oof.” Marinette looked back at Adrien, “How bad has it been?”

“I am trying to be the better person but I cannot keep it up.” Adrien grumbled. “It’s like since you left she thinks she has free reins to do as she pleases. She has practically taken over the school with her lies. She got the seating chart rearranged in class and now I’m stuck next to her in the front row because she convinced Nino to sit behind me with Alya.”

“I am so sorry for you.” Marinette couldn’t imagine the horror going on back at Dupont if Lila was uninhibited. “What else has she done?”

The next half hour was a well needed venting session from Adrien about all the crap Lila had been getting up to since Marinette’s departure. Her lies had somehow gotten even more ludicrous but everyone was stilling buying into them. With some help from Alya, and a lie about being Prince Ali’s go to for second opinions on political decisions, she had taken Marinette’s former position as class president. Not only was she gluing herself to Adrien’s side at every chance she was also furthering her efforts to paint Marinette as a monster. Even after she left she wasn’t done. She wanted to make sure that absolutely no one at Francoise Dupont had any sympathy for Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

First it was that Marinette was using subtle cheats and glitches to make herself a better gamer and not playing fairly in the school gaming tournament months prior. Then it was that she had stolen her derby hat design from a sketch of Lila’s. None of which Lila would even be able to justify because she hadn’t even joined the school at that point! She was just looking for documented cases of Marinette’s accomplishments and trying to debunk them. And the class apparently will just take her word for it because who else would be a good judge of those accomplishments? People who were actually there? Ha!

“Wow.” Marinette sat back and stared at the boy across from her, “You really needed that didn’t you?”

“It has been a long week, Marinette,” Adrien laid his head down on the table, “I am so tired.”

“There there,” Aurore gave his head a pat, “Rest easy sweet prince.”

“It sounds like Lila is on cloud nine.” Marinette muttered into her tea.

“She’s the only one,” Adrien said, his head still on the table, “The rest of the school has been really subdued lately.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve noticed it too.” Aurore said, “Everyone looks like they’re running on auto-pilot. There’s no life or excitement in anything they do anymore. Even when they’re talking about something fun.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Neither do I,” Aurore pushed her salad around in her bowl, “It’s kinda sad really.”

“It’s because Lila drove out our purveyor of optimism and happiness.” Adrien flashed Marinette his big, sad, green eyes. “You can really feel your absence at school.”

“You’re saying that to make me feel better.” Marinette told him.

“I’m serious. Ever since you left everyone has been either on edge or too tired to care about anything. Just the other day Kim and Max got into a yelling match in the main hall. Ivan and Mylene have practically turned into the couple that stand next to one another but never speak. Marc stopped coming to art class and hasn’t said a word to Nathaneal either. It is the saddest kind of surrealism.”

“You can’t blame all of that on me leaving. It’s getting colder, weather is getting worse, people fall into seasonal funks.” Marinette tried to explain it away.

“Really? You think it is a coincidence that everyone suddenly got worse when you weren’t there? I always said you were our everyday Ladybug and now I’m sure of it. You bring happiness and luck wherever you go. We were lucky to have you in our class. Now that you’re gone it’s like a year’s worth of karma is coming back to haunt us.” Adrien shuddered. “I think it can only get worse.”

“Aurore, tell him he’s being overdramatic.” Marinette rolled her eyes but she was secretly pleased the with the praise.

“No can do. The boy is right.” Aurore said, “You left and you took the class’ morale with you.”

“What about Chloe?” Marinette asked.

“What about her?”

“Chloe knows that Lila is a liar and we all know Chloe isn’t one to take things lying down. I refuse to believe Lila has gotten complete control over the school with Chloe there to butt heads with. What has she been doing?” Adrien and Aurore looked at one another. They hadn’t thought about this. Chloe fought everyone at pretty much every opportunity. Now that she had a new opponent, and Marinette’s blessing to be ruthless with said opponent, why had things gotten so out of control?

“She’s your friend, Agreste.” Aurore leaned back in her chair, “What’s Queen Bee been up to?”

“Chloe…” Adrien sat back and thought about it, “She’s been quiet, actually.”

“Seriously?”

“I mean she’s just been going about the day like everyone else. Not challenging Lila or getting into petty fights with the others. It’s really weird now that I think about it.” Adrien pulled out his phone and scrolled through his messages. “The last time she messaged me was three days ago. I get texts from her everyday. That’s not right.”

“Do you think she’s fallen into that depression you say the rest of the class is in?” Marinette couldn’t believe her ears. Chloe ‘I’m-the-daughter-of-the-mayor-so-you-must-obey-me’ Bourgeois, was being an amicable classmate?

“No, I think she’s the only one that looks like she’s there for a reason. Everyone else has that aura of, have to be there, surrounding them. Chloe...has energy in her deference. I can’t explain it. It’s like she’s flying under the radar for no reason.”

“Huh,” The three teenagers decided to stop moping about Lila and how much of a bummer Francois Dupont had become and moved onto happier conversation. Mainly it centered around Marinette regaling them with her time at her new school and funny moments from her new friends.

All in all it was a pretty good afternoon.

“I gotta get going,” Aurore stood up, “it was great seeing you again, Marinette.”

“You too, we should find a day to get together again.” Marinette smiled.

“Totally. See you at school, Adrien.” With that Aurore was gone.

“I should be heading back too. I have some catch up work I need to get done.” Marinette pushed her chair in.

“I’ll walk you home.” Adrien opened the door for her.

Thankfully the rain had stopped. The streets had that fresh rain smell and little puddles dotting the pavement that Marinette had to resist the urge to jump in.

"We should do this again." Adrien said, "I miss seeing you every day."

"Yeah?" Marinette felt herself blush once more.

"Yeah," was she delusional or was Adrien blushing too? "I--"

"MARINETTE!"

The next moment a blur of bright pink had tackled her to the ground.

"Oof," Marinette wheezed, "Nanette, I can't breathe."

"Sorry." Nanette stood up, "My mom told me you were in the cafe but I was in the middle of a painting and by the time I found a stopping point you were gone and--holy crap Adrien Agreste!"

"Are you okay?" Adrien helped Marinette up.

"Yep. I've taken harder falls than that." She brushed herself off, "Adrien this is Nanette. Nanette this Adrien."

"Nice to meet you." Adrien smiled at Nanette. 

"You too. Marinette wasn't kidding when she said she knew you."

"Um, Nani," Marinette poked her, "You have paint all over you."

"And?"

Marinette pointed to her blouse now stained with green and blue streaks. "It's still wet."

"Oh no! I'm so sorry!" Nanette blanched, “I didn’t even think of that!”

“It’s okay. It’s just a little paint.” Marinette assured her. “Actually, I think this is a good excuse to try my hand at hand painting clothing. Maybe give it a water flower design.”

“I’ve done that before.” Nanette said, “I made Quinn a scarf for their birthday once and they loved it. If you want you can come back to my place and work there. I have every color of the rainbow in paint and a killer sound system we can jam to while working.”

“I would love to but I really do need to get home. Tomorrow maybe?” Marinette hated to disappoint her.

“No problem.” She shrugged, “I should let you two continue on your way. It was nice meeting you, Adrien. Marinette talks a lot about you.”

“Nanette!” shrieked through clenched teeth.

“She likes you a lot.”

“That’s good to hear. It would be awkward if she didn’t.” Adrien said placing a hand on Marinette’s shoulder.

Marinette didn’t hold out too much hope for his words to mean anything more than liking her as a friend. She loves Adrien but if she was being honest the boy is either too infatuated with Kagami to consider anyone else an option or he’s is really that dense about picking up hints. The only way she could be more blatant about her crush was if she told him she dreamed about marrying him one day.

“AWE!” Nanette gushed, “You two are so cute. Okay, I’ll let you go. Sorry for tackling your girlfriend, Adrien.”

“NANETTE!” Marinette was going to collapse into a puddle of anxiety, “He’s not my--”

“I’ll text you later!” Nanette shouted over her shoulder as she hustled back down the street.

“One of your new friends?” Adrien chuckled unperturbed by Nanette’s comment.

“Yeah, she’s...eccentric.”

“I like her hair. If I was a braver sort I would dye my hair something crazy like that.” Adrien ruffled his golden locks, “You think I could pull off pink hair?”

“I think you could pull off anything.” Marinette answered honestly.

“Even crocs?” he raised an eyebrow at her.

She imagined a pink haired Adrien wearing matching bright pink crocs. Amusing but not great. She shook her head. “Hair? Yes. Crocs? No. No one can. Nope.”

“You said--”

“I don’t care if you are Aphrodite incarnate, no one can pull off crocs! It is a comfort shoe meant to not see the light of day!”

“I’m getting you a pair for Christmas now.”

“I think if you were to spend those big boy model checks on something as abhorrent as crocs your dad would disown you on behalf of the fashion world.”

“Still failing to see a downside.”

“You little,” Marinette smacked his arm and they continued on their way to her house. “At the very least Lila may stop bothering you if you wore them to school.”

“Now I have to get a pair and test that theory.”

“She’s really gotten that bad?”

“You are super lucky that you got out when you did. Homeschooling is looking like the better option nowadays.”

“It’ll get better. For your sake I hope it does.”

“Thanks. I hope so too.” they made it to Marinette’s house and said their goodbyes. Marinette said hello to her parents before shutting herself in her room and changing out of her stained shirt. She set it aside to work on later and went to check her instagram. She scrolled through some pictures of her old friends hanging out. She hadn’t the heart to unfollow any of them yet.

Curious about Adrien’s past statement she went to Chloe’s page. Wow. Adrien wasn’t kidding. Chloe hasn’t posted anything on her social media in days. As someone who flooded her timeline with selfies and designer endorsements this was really weird. The last selfie she posted was her wearing a trilby and holding a magnifying glass up to her eye. The caption read: Detective Bourgeois and the case of Dolos and Aletheia.

What is up with her?

---

(1) (2) (3) (4) (6)

[nerdasaurus1200]

AU Masterlist

Any and all asks for these AUs are more than welcome.

Kwaminette AU- AU where Marinette is Plagg and Tikki’s daughter. She’s a Kwami instead of a human, but she prefers to take on a human form because she likes interacting with humans. She’s the Panda Kwami of Balance, and the kwami of Cory Bernard/Panda Girl, my Miracusona. When she’s not helping out Cory, she’s busy trying to bond with Adrien. This one takes place within the show.

Miraculous Injustice AU- AU where the members of Team Miraculous are placed in the Injustice video game. The canon Team Miraculous gets sent to a dimension where the team is split up and akumas fight for both good and evil because Cat Noir turned evil after they found out Gabriel was Hawkmoth. The Quantic Kids (Felix, Bridgette, Melodie, Sparrow, Gavroche, Kim Mime, and Mercury) are included in this AU as well.

Dupain Cheng Kids AU- AU where Tom and Sabine adopt everyone in the Miracuclass as their child (except Adrien cause he’s their future son in law). Marinette keeps an eye for fellow classmates that don’t have the best home life. She then passes word to her parents, who fight tooth and nail to earn legal custody of said child (We don’t care they aren’t on the adoption list, they deserve to be in a home FULL OF LOVE).

Catbug AU- AU where Marinette has both the Black Cat and Ladybug Miraculouses. She calls herself Catbug. Plagg and Tikki are like a second set of parents to her, and she eventually develops a harem.

Mike and Mari AU- AU where Marinette has an older brother named Michael. He is her favorite thorn in her side as well as her go-to Miraculous Holder. He’s dating Miss Bustier and is going to school to become an interior designer.

Role Reversal AU- AU where Marinette and Adrien are switched Miraculouses. Lady Noire and Mister Bug protect Paris against Pavona and Hudie (Gina and Sabine); who want the Miraculouses to bring back Tom. Involves reverse crush and somewhat reverse life.

Adrien’s Monster AU- AU where Duusu summons a full time sentimonster to protect Adrien. He names it Hiss and it follows him everywhere he goes. Hiss and Plagg hate each other.

Supernatural AU- AU where everyone except Adrien (who’s still human) is a mythological creature. Marinette is a fairy, Kim and Rose are werewolves, Alix is a Hobbit, Mylene is a Dwarf. Juleka and Luka are vampires, Ondine is a mermaid, Ivan is an ogre, Alya is one of the last of the Nine-Tailed Fox clan, Chloe is an elf, Lila is a changeling, Max is half-sphinx, Nathaniel is a brownie, Kagami is a yokai, Marc is a leprechaun, and Nino is a Kappa (though nobody knows). The Kwmais are fae creatures that run/protect the school. Miss Bustier is a pixie, Ms Mendeleiev is a witch, and Principal Damocles is the owl of Athena. Gabriel is secretly a hunter of mythical creatures and sent Adrien to the school so he could get closer to them. (Courtesy to @miraclesoup for some of these ideas)

Hive Guard AU- AU where Chloe keeps her Miraculous at the end of Miraculer, runs away, and becomes a freelance hero of sorts. She’s extremely active is trying to find and stop Hawkmoth and Mayura. She lives in the eiffel tower, and trains with Pollen every day. Nobody but Sabrina knows her location; and she becomes Queen Bee’s right hand.

Jurassic AU- AU where Emilie’s maiden name was Hammond, and one day Adrien discovers is grandfathers work and reopens Jurassic Park.

House Cat AU- AU where Cat Noir actually decides to date Marinette in Weredad and becomes the Dupain Cheng housecat.

Mother Peahen and Papallion AU- also known as the MP3 AU. AU where Duusu and Nooroo adopt Adrien after Heroes Day with Plagg as the greasy uncle.

Road Trip AU- An AU where Team Miraculous travels around the world looking for Lost Miraculouses after defeating Hawkmoth and Mayura. Ali and Aurore bear the Moth and Peacock Miraculouses in this AU.

Miraculous Descendants AU- An AU where Miraculous characters are in the movie Descendants. Most of them are the children of Akumas.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 AU- An AU where there are two boys that like Kagami. Conner (a new student from America who tries to make Kagami jealous by lying about Ryuuko being into him) & Hiroki (a rival from Japan that she beat who believes that she should be his girlfriend) & Luka/Viperion doesn't like how uncomfortable they make her or how angry they make her feel.

Guard Dragon AU (Rockstar!Luka & Bodyguard!Ryuuko AU)- An AU where Kitty Section's new bodyguard is so mysterious and tough. Anarka trusts her to keep her children and their friends (Juleka and Rose dating) safe. Ryuuko does not plan on letting her down, but with Luka? It's hard for our Lady in red black & gold to stay professional.

SongHeart & The Queen (Ryuuka's Beauty and The Beast AU)- Kim is Lumiere, Anarka as Maurice (great parents are great), Chloé and Sabrina as Gaston and LeFou (duh), Emilie and Adrien as Mrs Potts and Chip (need that adorable mother/son bond), Marinette is (a younger) Wardrobe (fashion girl!) and Luka's closest friend in the place. Luka is Belle and Ryuuko is the Beast. Instead of inanimate objects, they’re cursed to be akumas.

Scales and Whiskers AU- An AU where Ryuuko and Cat Noir fight over who gets to date Marinette. She eventually gets so sick of it that she just tells both of them to date her. Before she knows it, she’s got a superhero boyfriend and girlfriend.

Behind the Scenes AU- An AU where Miraculous actually is a show in the canon universe and the characters are all actors. Chloe and Rose are sisters from the South. Jagged, Marinette, and Kagami are siblings. Gabriel and Adrien are Uncle and Nephew, and Lila is Marinette’s best friend.

Akumavillian AU- An AU where everyone who has been akumatized has the ability to turn into their Akumas without the power of the Moth.

Cat’s Shipping Show AU- An AU where Cat Noir runs a blog dedicated to all the ships of Team Miraculous, because he’s shipper trash. He gives people the news on certain ships, and reviews ships as well.

Ghost Bug AU- An AU where the past Ladybug’s are attached to Marinette. They’re like her 24/7 Obi-Wan, and they’re a little Ladybug family. Turns out, everyone on Team Miraculous (plus Hawkmoth and Mayura) are in the same boat.

Sentibug AU- An AU where Bugette wasn’t destroyed by Mayura and instead becomes Ladybug and Cat Noir’s sidekick/daughter

Mom Pink AU- An AU where Pink appeared instead of Steven when his gem was taken out. Somehow they can both exist now and mother and son are reunited.

Adrien Universe AU- Steven Universe, but with Miraculous characters.

Momma Mayura AU- An AU where as soon as Stoneheart appeared, Nathalie grabbed the Peacock Miraculous and became Mayura. She fights on Ladybug and Cat Noir’s side to bring down Hawkmoth and quickly becomes the team mom.

Tales of Pegasus and King Monkey AU- An AU where Master Fu instead distributed the Horse and Monkey Miraculous and Kim and Max are the main characters of the show.

Chatroom AU- An AU where Team Miraculous has a group chat

Genderbend AU- An AU where everyone’s genders are swapped.

Teacher Kwamis AU- An AU where Miss Bustier is fired and the Kwamis take over teaching.

Frozen Dragons AU- A Hiccelsa AU that combines Frozen and How To Train Your Dragon. Basically, just before the events of Race To The Edge, Elsa and Hiccup have an arranged marriage and her, Olaf, Sven, Kristoff, and Anna are present for the events of the show and Dragons 2

Kumafeather AU- An AU where Max and Kim have the Moth and Peacock Miraculous and are trying to bring Max’s dad back. They call themselves Kuma and Dark Feather and are like that classic supervillain and dumb sidekick trope but they’re gay.

GrayBlue AU- An AU where Adrien and Marinette have the Moth and Peacock Miraculous and are trying to bring Emilie back. They call themselves Grayling and Beau Blue.

Mastermind Fu AU- An AU where Master Fu is evil and the Miraculass steal the Miracle Box to fight him.

Evil Miracuclass AU- An AU where the Miracuclass is evil and steals the Miracle Box. Master Fu must use the remaining Miraculous he has to fight them.

Marigod AU- An AU where Marinette and her parents are Gods.

Tangled Sisters AU- an AU where Cassandra grew up in the tower with Rapunzel and Varian is Flynn’s protege/adopted little brother. It’s be the same as the movie, just Cassarian, Aged Up!Varian of course, and the sister duo we deserve.

Apprentice AU- An AU where Master Fu was Emilie’s mentor. They have a father-daughter bond

Killer Princess AU- An AU where Juleka has the Moth and Rose has the Peacock

Timmy Dupain Cheng AU- An AU where Timmy (Sandboy) is Marinette’s foster brother and earns the Dog Miraculous under the name of Pup Fidele

Forbidden Love AU- An AU where Flynn is still a thief and Rapunzel is the ruler of Corona. The two of them have a little flirty to and fro, as he’s the most wanted theif in the kindgom and they both really dig each other but don’t want to admit it, not even to themselves. Lance is his sidekick and Kiera and Catalina are their young protégés. Meanwhile, Varian and Cass work under Raps. Cass as her royal adviser and personal bodyguard, and Varian’s her little brother and the royal alchemist.

Cousins AU- Inspired by the theory that Rapunzel, Elsa, and Anna are cousins. An AU where they were there to celebrate her birthday in Secret of the Sundrop and went with her and the gang to the Dark Kingdom! Sven, Kristoff, and Olaf tag along too, of course.

Twins AU- An AU where Marinette and Kagami are long lost twins

The Prince and The Pup AU- An AU where Prince Ali starts going to Marinette's school after falling for the heroine known as Chien De Guarde after his first encounter with her. What he doesn't know is that Chien De Guarde is Sabrina Raincomprix.

Tales of Monarch and Chien de Guarde AU- An AU where Monarch and Chien are the main heroes

Tales of Ryuuko and Viperion AU- An AU where Ryuuko and Viperion are the main heroes

Tales of Ryuuko and King Monkey AU- An AU where Ryuuko and King Monkey are the main heroes

Elsa Padare AU- an au where Elsa is adopted by Cass and Varian

Gandalf Swears AU- An au where everything is the same except Gandalf swears

[mzhong2014]

Weekly reading digest (7/28-8/3)

A break to remember: Stanford faculty reminisce about their college summers:

Reading about the faculty members whom I admire so much, this was a humanizing post that reminded me that everyone has struggled through the routine and impossible just like you have. My favorite quote from Ambassador Eikenberry about his summer learning how to jump out of an aircraft while at the US Army Airborne School. Ambassador Eikenberry is the embodiment of poise, humbleness, and courage, so I particularly enjoyed reading his blurb:

“As the aircraft rumbled toward the drop zone, one of the cadre, a very seasoned sergeant, gets in front of me, grabs my two shoulder straps, looks me in the face and because of the deafening engine noise, shouted at me: ‘Airborne,’– which is how all students are addressed – ‘are you nervous?’

And although I was nervous, I gave the answer I thought he wanted to hear.

‘No, Sergeant,’ I said. ‘I’m not nervous.’

The sergeant looked at me and very calmly said: ‘Airborne, I want you to be nervous. This is your first jump.’

I’ll never forget that expression on his face and his sincerity.

‘Every time you jump out of an airplane in the future, I want you to be nervous,’ the sergeant said to me. ‘Because when you are nervous, you are thinking hard about the challenge you are facing. In your mind, you are going through all the training you had – what is the next thing to do and what to do should something go wrong.’

And then he said: ‘What I don’t want you to do is be afraid. Be nervous, but don’t be afraid. If you let your fears control you, then you are going to make a mistake.’”

To be great, you must first be vulnerable. 

The Brethren: Inside the Supreme Court

I started listening to this on audiobook when I spontaneously decided to drive to San Diego at 10;30 pm on a Saturday night and back Sunday afternoon (totaling 5 hours of driving).

The Brethren is written by Bob Woodward, yes, one of the reporters of the Wategate Scandal. Earlier this year, I grabbed coffee with a litigator in an effort to shed light on the mysterious question of what does it mean to be a lawyer. He recommended this book to help elucidate this question, and only 30 minutes into the audiobook, I understood why. It is perhaps the most intimate account of the prestigious Supreme Court, uncovering the day-to-day scenes hidden behind the white marble columns and impressive wooden bench. In contrast to my other readings that cover the intellectual origins of the judiciary branch, The Brethren shows how the justice system works in a very raw and real-life manner. Spanning 1969-1975 during Burger’s early years as Chief Justice, it shows exactly how politics mixes with the supposedly nonpartisan judiciary system, the nitty-gritty of how varying legal philosophies translate to vastly diverse approaches towards handling legal issues (especially during a very contentious period with the civil rights movement), as well as how the different personalities impacted the very tactical routines of the Supreme Court.

No specific quotes because, unfortunately, I do not have the auditory version of photographic memory, but initial reactions:  

I was surprised by how the Justice’s different opinions extended beyond the question of whether something was constitutional, but also the question of how do policymakers tactically carry out a Supreme Court decision. For example, the first few chapters focused on the decision around how to issue a court order regarding Brown v Board of Education as Southern states dug their heels in to prolong the delay of integration of schools. Because of the vague phrasing used in the ruling opinion, “with all deliberate speed,” lawyers were using this language to justify these 15-year delays. The court order had to achieve and balance a number of objectives: avoid appearing submissive to the delay and admonish any attempts to prevent integration while balancing the practical concerns for allowing time to let schools create and implement a sound plan for integration to minimize the chaos / violence during this time. But should these practical considerations be up to the judiciary branch to decide? 

As a junior consultant, it was interesting to see how exactly the Justices manage their clerks and how each Justice’s personality dictated their working norms -- shows how collegial the Court is but also how political it can be 

It was also interesting to see the different philosophies that the Justices had towards being a judge. To grossly generalize, the Justices had very different opinions on the degree to which they cared about being legally rigorous in their opinions versus arriving at some legal conclusion with considerable political and social implications

The Brothers Karamazov: Ivan’s Rebellion

One of the most famous passages in The Brother’s Karamazov is Ivan’s rebellion, where he rejects God of his justice system. The dialogue occurs between Ivan, the intellectual of his three brothers, and Alyosha, the most spiritually pure of the three. Ivan focuses his argument on the suffering of children to illustrate the injustice of God. 

“I won't speak of grown-up people is that, besides being disgusting and unworthy of love, they have a compensation—they've eaten the apple and know good and evil, and they have become 'like gods.' They go on eating it still. But the children haven't eaten anything, and are so far innocent.”

Ivan proceeds to provide anecdotes that he has collected of children suffering – which are based on true stories that Dostoevsky collected from the newspaper. Ivan recounts tales of how the Turks cut open “the unborn child from the mother’s womb,” skewering babies with their bayonets in glee. He tells another story of a five-year old girl beaten to pulp by her parents, her mouth smeared with excrement, left to sleep in the cold frost of an outhouse. With relentless momentum, Ivan recounts his last story about a serf-boy who throws a stone at a kennel of hounds, and hurts the paw of a general’s dog. The child is summoned to the general and stripped naked.

“He shivers, numb with terror, not daring to cry… 'Make him run,' commands the general. 'Run! run!' shout the dog-boys. The boy runs…'At him!' yells the general, and he sets the whole pack of hounds on the child. The hounds catch him, and tear him to pieces before his mother's eyes!”

The Bible reasons that all, including children, must suffer for man’s sin. Even the most innocent, children, “must suffer for their fathers' sins, they must be punished for their fathers, who have eaten the apple.” These damned children, Ivan continues, some may twistedly suggest that “the child would have grown up and have sinned, but you see he didn't grow up, he was torn to pieces by the dogs, at eight years old.”  

Ivan concludes that he cannot accept God if his justice requires children to suffer for an “eternal harmony.”

“I must have justice, or I will destroy myself. And not justice in some remote infinite time and space, but here on earth, and that I could see myself. I have believed in it. I want to see it, and if I am dead by then, let me rise again, for if it all happens without me, it will be too unfair. Surely I haven't suffered simply that I, my crimes and my sufferings, may manure the soil of the future harmony for somebody else. I want to see with my own eyes the hind lie down with the lion and the victim rise up and embrace his murderer. I want to be there when everyone suddenly understands what it has all been for. All the religions of the world are built on this longing, and I am a believer. But then there are the children, and what am I to do about them? That's a question I can't answer.

[…]

While there is still time, I hasten to protect myself, and so I renounce the higher harmony altogether. It's not worth the tears of that one tortured child who beat itself on the breast with its little fist and prayed in its stinking outhouse, with its unexpiated tears to 'dear, kind God'! It's not worth it, because those tears are unatoned for. They must be atoned for, or there can be no harmony. But how? How are you going to atone for them? Is it possible? By their being avenged? But what do I care for avenging them? What do I care for a hell for oppressors? What good can hell do, since those children have already been tortured? And what becomes of harmony, if there is hell? I want to forgive. I want to embrace. I don't want more suffering. And if the sufferings of children go to swell the sum of sufferings which was necessary to pay for truth, then I protest that the truth is not worth such a price.”

And that is the crux of the passage – the prospect of an eternal harmony is not worth the suffering of the innocent to repent for the Sin of Man.

In face of our inability to find the meaning of seemingly meaningless suffering in the empirical and physical world, we are faced with two options: 1) consult the transcendental for truths that lie outside of our physical world or 2) turn inwards to provide meaning ourselves. Both are fairly unsatisfactory frameworks, in my opinion. An argument against the first is well illustrated above, and there is little that I can add of intellectual value to Dostoevsky’s work. 

As for the second point, everyone tells you during intense moments of suffering that you will always learn something in hindsight -- in an attempt to imbue seemingly meaningless suffering with meaning. After all, the human mind cannot fathom the possibility of meaningless suffering -- that all of this pain is for nothing; that there is no such thing as karma or justness in the world. This seems equally absurd because why does learning have to require so much suffering? Are humans just too dumb to learn from happy experiences? 

For the meantime, I’m not sure what exactly sure why there is so much suffering in life and whether it is justified by some external or internal truths. For now, all that I know is that a lot of terrible things in life happen, and all that humans can do is simply react to them. 

[wherearemyglassesbro]

Fruk week day 1(late)

•Parents//Face family•

Title: “Teeth”

“Okay, are you sure this will work, Al?”

“I’m positive! I saw it in a movie once, you’ll barely feel it!” Alfred insisted. Matthew’s two front teeth have been loose for about a week now and he was itching for some tooth fairy money to buy himself a Superman action figure from the pharmacy. Alfred had whipped up a plan to get those teeth out!

In their house, they had a dining room. One with two fancy doors that they could open and close, they were usually closed to keep Francine the poodle out. Alfred decided to tie a piece of floss to each door handle and to each top tooth in Matthew’s mouth. It was a foolproof plan!...But...Their Dad was home.

Arthur wrote for the city’s newspaper so he was usually cooped up in his office upstairs, his reading glasses perched on his nose as he stared at his laptop screen. The two had to make some sort of noise since their dad became paranoid if they got too quiet, knowing the boys would be up to no good when they were quiet.

“Okay...Do we have all of the tools?”

“Hell Yeah-!”

“Alfred! We can’t say that word!” Matthew whisper-yelled

“Dad says it all the time!”

“Shut up! Do we have everything or not?” Laid out before them were various ‘tools’. The floor was covered in paper towel in case of blood splatters, they had their own floss as well as their papa’s mint floss he got from the dentist, they had baby wipes to wipe off Matthew’s face if he bled and...A small box made of Legos to store the teeth in until they could be put under Matt’s pillow later

“It looks like we have everything to me” Alfred decided “Alright, for this to work, you gotta step back to make sure the floss doesn’t got any slack”

“You mean doesn’t have-“

“Shut it, Matt! Do you want your teeth out or no? You can’t slam the doors on your own!” Matthew sighed and gestured for Alfred to continue “Okay then. You gotta step back and make sure those flosses are tight! And then, on the count of three, I’m gonna slam the doors super hard! Then we gotta find the teeth after they pop outta your face!”

“That’s really gross, Al...” Matthew shuffled his feet a bit “Maybe we should-“ both twins stopped and whipped around, both hearing a familiar whirring sound...The garage door was opening

“Aw crap! Papa’s home!”

“What do we do?!”

“I dunno!” They heard the car pull in an Francine start to bark, she always got excited when Francis arrived. Alfred scrambled to gather everything up while Matthew tried to quickly untie the floss from the door handles

“Why did you have to double-knot these-!” The door opened, dress shoes could be heard slapping across the kitchen floor along with little thuds, signaling that their dog was bouncing around in a bout of joy

“Bebes? I’m home! Come tell me what you did at school today” Francis set groceries on the kitchen table, waiting for the boys as he started to put everything away.

“Uh- One sec, Pops!” Al called, shoving the paper towels and the floss under the rug but it was all hopeless now. The office door upstairs opened, creaking loudly as Arthur exited. The boys watched in horror as their father decended the stairs, finding the boys tied up in floss and the floor covered in paper

“What are you boys doing?” Arthur asked in confusion, crossing his arms as he tried to figure it out. This was certainly one of the strangest games he’d ever seen them play

“Well! Mattie and I were-“

“Is that where all of my paper towel went?” Another voice asked. The boys looked over to where Francis was, watching from the kitchen in amusement “Are you playing hop-scotch?”

“Hop scotch is for babies, Papa, we’re in second grade! We’re...We we’re gonna..”

“We were gonna pull my teeth out like in the movies” Matthew told them in embarrassment “I want the tooth fairy to come so I can get a few quarters” Matt was surprised that their parents weren’t mad. Instead they came over to look into their son’s mouth

“If you just give them time, lad, they’ll come out on their own” Arthur promised him, ruffling his hair “I’m sure they may even fall out when we have dinner tonight. Chewing makes them even more loose but the best part will be when the tooth fairy visits you. She’s very generous, she may even give you a dollar or two” Arthur winked at his husband who rolled his eyes in amusement

“Ivan from school said that there’s no such thing as the tooth fairy!” Alfred exclaimed “But I think he’s just dumb. He hasn’t lost any teeth yet so how would he know?”

“Exactly, lad. I’ve seen her once before but she made me promise not to try and see her again. Otherwise she would leave my teeth behind!” Arthur picked both of the boys up, kissing their cheeks and pecking his husband on the lips

“Now, mes fils, who is going to clean this all up? It surely will not be me”

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW2

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week!

—

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Havertz and Jota

IN (for -4 points): Bruno and Anguissa

Welp. Went from saving to hitting...such is life. As the age old adage goes, there's not better time to hit than the present.

Jota.. obviously a huge issue, on his way to livp, whatevs. That gamble didn't pay off not by a long shot. I looked around in the 6.5 and under bracket and while Podence is a guy....and I considered Foden again there...it just didn't feel right. I'm half thinking Trossard won't last for long on my team and that seems like a better spot to get Podence in if I want him so I opened my mind and looked at Kai more closely.

Realistically there are a lot of question marks around him, too many to go into here, as well as with Ziyech and Puli out the team is not at their best. I am taking an aggressive line here and getting rid rather than being patient through their easier fixtures gw3-5 so I won't really know if this was a good move until then.

Bruno is someone I've been having a hard time quitting. I seriously looked at hiding him in my GW1 team and I just want him. This move comes down to just wanting to get him more than anything else. It leaves my 11th man a fucking mess, but hey I got 10 out last week and it was fine. I've got Aubz outgoing after the whu game so I'll likely address this with a hit next week, or with my next two free transfers. I'm jamming in another premium asset so hoping that they prop up the dog shit guys at the other end of the team for the time being. Also with the Jota news into Livp it doessss kinda feel that Brewster might go soon? If that happens then suddenly this hit is just fucking brilliant and I start Brewster for the foreseeable. It's not nothing, altho it could be nothing, but just chattin. Just chattin fpl.

GK:

Ryan (new)

Newcastle looked good against West Ham last weekend so the clean feels a bit more tenuous than I had probably thought before GW1 started off. That said, Brighton are a good solid outfit and I am pretty happy with Ryan. Would never be surprised at a clean in this fixture, so hopefully it comes in.

DEF:

Dier (sou)

Everyone suddenly shitting all over Spurs but whatevs. Mou will probably go set up to park against Ralph and honestly I feel like Spurs are a good bet for a clean home or away against any non top 4 side in the division. It's just how they set up and after Southampton were a little off it against us last weekend maybe they continue to struggle and their press is fucked up with another possible miss in Redderz. Dier feels fine and happy I have him.

Shaw (CRY)

Pretty nervous about owning this thicc boi since it seems like they are actively shopping for a LB but as of this moment he's their starter. He played in that friendly thing against Villa the other day so hopefully he's ready to start. Hopefully we keep Wilf on the other side of the pitch so he doesn't get a card, but whatevs. If Manu don't sign a left back in the window he still feels like a good option. And if they do, and don't sign a CB, then I guess I can always laterally swap to Lindy even tho I hate him. Bottom line I still like the 5m price on Manu cleans as I expect them to get many this season.

Trent (che)

As we all saw, was being overloaded and a bit off the pace last game against Bielsaball. Not much to say about Trent here. Tough fixture, but it's Trent. Clean would be surprising but he's always got the shout for attacking returns. Steady hold.

MID:

Aubameyang (WHU)

Nice goal in the opening game against Fulham and another nice fixture against a team that is in disarray. These two games is why he's in my team and he didn't disappoint GW1 so hopefully that carries on into this one.

Salah (che)

The form man...just needs to remember to shoot on sight with the opponents not having a functional goalkeeper between the sticks and he should do just fine. Kinda feeling like Livp are going to disassemble Franklins team this weekend so feeling more hopeful for Mo points than I did a couple weeks ago when I saw this fixture on the slate.

Trossard (new)

Important game for this boy in my team and for what my thoughts are with him moving forward. I didn't select him thinking he'd be a medium term hold...more of a punty OOP cheap guy who I could throw out for a couple and then reassess who emerges but he might play his way into my side for a while yet. Newcastle far from convincing defensively with that 442 so if Bruce plays something similar I imagine that it could be open with some chances for Brighton in this one. I'm hopeful here and good for the boy to have bagged one in the opening game. Go on tr0ss.

Andre-Frank Zambo Anguissa (lee)

A man deserving of his full name to be noted here. Honestly got hot for Zambo after watching his cameo at the end of the Arse game after knowing about him from his time in Liga last year coming back from loan. He started and played 60odd midweek so I'm a little little bit nervous if he's ready for 90 but I'm hoping so since I just bought him in. He's classy and I like him. Probably no more than a 2 pointer kind of guy but he might have a little bit of license to get to the edge of the box and be an extra guy if he's playing with Reed and/or Lemina or some shit.

If he's still seeing the pitch in my fpl team in a couple of weeks...well I'll have been fucking up...so hopefully this is the first and last start he makes for my team :) Should be a nice first shield on the bench, though, which will probably be useful given that my bench is a laugh riot.

Bruno Fernandes (CRY)

He's in and I can now watch Manu games without persisting feelings of dread. Good fpl pick, good player. Long may the pens floweth.

FWD:

Werner (LIV)

No matter how fucked up Franklin makes the team and sets it up to fail one thing is certain from watching the Brighton game to me...this kid will get points. He's going to be a danger man all season and it would take a lot for me to remove him from my team it seems. Happy to hold him while they wait for the unfit lads to get fit etc. Good guy Timo. Love him.

Calvert-Lewin (WBA)

One of my better picks pre-gw1 happy to have him in for their nice little mini run of fixtures here. West Brom will be a lot better with Ivan but luckily he won't play this weekend. I'd be surprised if Everton don't score 3 or more so when that happens usually DCL will have something to show from it. Looks like a nice pick and a nice hold who I don't have to worry about or spend time thinking about.

BENCH:

Hide your eyes..

Brewster (che), Mitchell (mun), Ferguson(mun)

CAP:

Aubameyang (WHU)

Not really in question here. Give me the good guy against the bad team - not really much to think about here. Go on Aubz.

—

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Alli

IN: James Rodríguez

Did this move before we even Friday My Life’d to beat the Alli price drop. Duno. I knew I wanted Hamez and also knew that seeing Alli/Pulisic in my team made me want to blow my brains out for being so fucking bad and dumb.

Guess I’ll be spending FTs righting my mistakes for the first few weeks of the season and then I’ll be behind and wildcarding.... and yeeeaaaaaahhhhh rinse and repeat nightmare season incoming yet again. I suck at FPL.

GK:

McCarthy (TOT)

Meh sure whatever. It’s cleanable but unlikely. Hopefully at least gets a save point here.

DEF:

Alexander-Arnold & Robertson (che)

Good guys gettin’ forward. Maybe Thiago will allow them to get even more forward and less ball progression responsibilities..? Can see a world where Fabinho drops between the CBs and it’s almost a 3142 kinda thing. Duno. They’re great and I don’t really care about fixtures.

Justin (BUR)

Great fixture. Come on Justin do it again lad.

Shaw (CRY)

ManU’re doing everything in their power to get a new LB and fuck Shaw off (about damn time) but hopefully they fuck up all their transfer business as usual and Shaw remains the chosen one. TBD.

For now he’s a good pick and this is a great cleansheet fixture as long as Wilf isn’t running in open space against The Fridge.

MID:

Mane (che)

Mane good.

Rodriguez (WBA)

Hamez pleases me a lot. Happy to be early to the party here and hold him for a long time. AKA until I wildcard.

Pulisic (LIV)

Frank has blatantly lied in pressers before and he will lie again. I mean don’t get me wrong Pulisic is an absolute piece of shit. No question. But just hoping Frank is trying to “mind-game” Klopp (lolol) here and the Yank-cunt™ surprise starts.

FWD:

Martial (CRY)

Tony is love Tony is life.

Calvert-Lewin (WBA)

DCL made us so proud. He should be lookin to bang vs. WBA get in there Dom.

Werner (LIV)

Timo is really good. Nothing surprising at all there man. He’s just really good and I agree with Walsh he’s just gonna get points no doubt.

There’s space behind Liverpool who look to be starting slowly again at the back like last season and that’s the space that Timo will look to exploit.

BENCH:

Walker-Peters (TOT)

Probably coming in for Puli.. It’s not great but it is cleanable and he could also get an assist it’s fine. More likely is they lose 2-0 and he yellow cards Son. Can’t wait!

Reed (lee)

Smallbone (TOT)

CAP:

Martial (CRY)

Sticking with the preseason plan of capping Tony here. Go on Tone please do the things and let’s have none of the things come from Bruno assists, strictly Shaw assists :) :) :). Go on.

[maddkingpin]

@darling-of-the-dangerous

Golden hues glanced down at the gun which was being held out to her. While she was around guns around all the time, this was the first time the child had actually ever handled the gun. But she wasn’t about to wuss out in front of Madd, or any of his men. She accept it, turning it over in her hands and testing its weight. She wanted to know the weapon which would put her in the same league as the big boys, despite the fact that she was still just a little girl by everyone else’s standards. It was only once she felt comfortable with it that she tucked it into the back of her jeans, neatly covered by the little leather jacket with which she wore. Her gaze rose to meet the Kingpin’s.

“Yews go’ i’ bossman.” Kveta gave him a playful smirk. Did she have any reservations about killing a man? Sure. But she lived in a cut throat world. It certainly wasn’t the first time she had seen death. Especially living with a Kingpin and working for him, she knew that her loyalty was being tested. It was Mikey or her. And she’d be damned if some druggie got to live and she didn’t. Or even if Madd allowed her to live, she was not about to let herself fall out of grace in his eyes. This life was all she had. After living in such luxury she was not about to go back to surviving on the streets.Her brassy attitude had gotten her thus far, but now she had to back herself up. She had known that this day would come at some point.

The little girl blew kisses to the men with the guns trained on her. Though as she sauntered out of the room, she threw them all the bird.

Kveta did as she was told. She took the public transit to the Crossroads Motel. She walked in, acting like the sweet, innocent little girl which would get her the attention she needed and nothing more. She asked the lady at the reception which room Mikey was in, telling her that he was her Uncle who was visiting. He hadn’t told her his room, only the Motel, but she was just so excited to see him. Of course the woman bought it. Who wouldn’t when the child put on her best puppy dog face? Her jewel toned hues were wide, sparkling with hope, and her bottom lip was pushed out in a pout. She even earned herself a key.

So it was then that she wished the lady a good day and headed up to room 29. The man seemed spooked, though confused as well. Kveta could only giggle. Nobody ever expected a little girl.

“Madd sends ‘is love,” she said before pulling out her gun. Flipping off the safety, just as she had seen done many times, she lifted and began to fire. The first shot missed. The second hit his leg. She was finding that the recoil was stronger than she had anticipated. Still, even as he hobbled towards her to knock the gun away from her, cursing her out the whole time, she didn’t give up. Instead she hopped up on the bed to give her a better angle. That was when she managed to get a hang of shooting. Her third shot landed in his chest, knocking him to the ground. The fourth got his neck. The fifth his head. She gave him a sixth in the head just to make sure he was really dead.

The girl put the safety back on, returned the gun to her waistband of her jeans, and stared at the unmoving body on the floor. She had done it. She had shot him. It was a strange feeling. To know that she was the one responsible for another’s death….

Trying not to think about it too much, Kveta hopped down from the bed. This time she pulled her phone from her pocket, flipped it up so that it was on camera mode. She knelt down on the floor beside the body which used to be Mikey and pulled his head up by the hair. She made a kissy face and took the picture. Only then did she pull away and drop the head back down on the floor. She gave the room one last look. Unable to help herself she pulled off whatever rings he had and snagged his wallet from his pants pocket. Seeing nothing else worth any value, she slipped from the room.

Kveta wasn’t dumb. She made sure she was far enough way before she flipped through the wallet. There wasn’t much cash– mostly just half pf the payment he was supposed to make to Madd. Still she pocketed it and dropped both the wallet and the spare keys down into a sewer before she made her way back to Madd’s house, texting her picture to him as she did so.

“So when does I ge’ my own gun?” The girl asked loudly when she entered the house once more. “Because I ain’ sure t’is is t’e righ’ one fer me, bu’ I gotta say. I likes shootin’!”

This was going to be interesting, Madd was sure of it. News would reach his ears that the kid was dead, or possibly injured and being held captive, or Kveta would return successful. He wasn’t placing his bets on any outcome, and one of his guys had the audacity to question him on whether or not this was a good idea. “You trying to tell me how to run my business?” He asked while getting to his feet, in which his worker instantly backed down and bowed his head. “No boss. Of course not. Whatever you think is best,” he quickly said, unable to make eye contact with Madd as he came to hover over him. “I know what’s best,” the tattooed male spoke lowly, a short silence falling before he began to laugh. Uncertainly, his worker, Ivan, began to laugh too. “Come on, you suck at lying. You still believe I’m being an awful person by sending a little girl out on her own. You can be honest,” the Kingpin chimed, earning a grin and a considerate nod of his head from Ivan. “I just worry about her. She’s pretty young, y’know?”

Instantly, Madd’s face fell and he pulled out his gun, pointing it at Ivan’s knee. “Worry about yourself,” he stated before pulling the trigger, the bullet being fired out from the gun and tearing through Ivan’s knee cap and ligaments. He fell to the floor and let out an ear-splitting cry of pain, which had Madd rolling his eyes. “Shut the fuck up. I didn’t hire a little bitch to work for me. I hired men. I’ll figure out what to do with you later. For now, just go get cleaned up in the bathroom. You’re getting blood everywhere,” he said with a wave of his gun to motion towards the door.

Two of his men had gone to help Ivan to his feet, but Madd was quick to scold them. “Ah ah ah,” he sang. “Let him walk on his own.” And with that, the two backed off and Ivan was left to pull himself to his feet, limping and stumbling and cursing with every step he made. The room was silent after he left, but the Kingpin was quick to strike up a conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with what had just taken place, and the others gladly obliged. Eventually, they were dismissed to go check on Ivan and had permission to take him to the hospital, where a bullshit story would be made up. He’d passed out in the bathroom while trying to stitch up the mess that was made of his knee.

Glancing down at his phone (which he had more than one of) after it’d gone off, he checked to see the message that had been sent to him. Madd was half expecting to see a picture of Kveta dead and bloody, as it wouldn’t be unlike Mikey to take a phone off of someone and send pictures to any contacts on their phone. Madd was always diligent in ensuring that his number was unknown, only giving it out to the people he trusted most. Even then, if things started getting sketchy, he’d break his cell, toss it out and get a new one. What he saw on the screen was a picture of Kveta making a kissy face with a dead Mikey. “No fuckin’ way,” the drug lord chuckled to himself, a grin on his lips. Not long after receiving the picture, he heard the familiar voice of the young one asking when she could have her own gun.

Heading to the front doors to greet Kveta, the tattooed male reached out and softly ruffled her hair. “Hey little killer, nice shootin’. So you want your own gun, huh?” He supposed she’d proven herself capable. She came through with what he’d asked of her, and she’d taken down a man who had been causing trouble as of late. Practice made perfect. “I’ll get you a gun no problem. Gonna take some practice, but we’ll get you up to speed. How many shots did it take? Give me the details, I wanna hear all about it. You did good, kid.”