#“oh my god do you think [misgenders me] has a crush on you?!?!?!?!”

[freckleslikestars]

DERRY GIRLS | 1.06

[lapdogchase]

YTA.

Anne (24f) was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I don't know when, she just told me this years ago. I've seen tiktoks about bpd and researched Google about bpd a little so I know all about how they have fave persons and will "mimic" people in the friend group and become clingy, manipulate, etc.

first of all. seeing tiktoks abt bpd is not "knowing all about" it. googling it is not "knowing all about it". especially with something as stigmatized as bpd where a lot of articles are ableist about it. also saying people with a disorder are "clingy and manipulative" is ableist and also just mean.

she said she only joined the theater club because a boy she had a crush on was in theater. That should've been my first red flag

how is that a red flag 😭?

One of our friends Mike (25m) is a trans man. We met him four years ago. He's very handsome, broody, introverted, intelligent, great listener, very accepting and understanding, similar to me but opposite to her.

INFO: are you in love with mike?

I asked him on a date

ah.

Well last year Anne suddenly tells us that she is trans too. She says she's bigender. She says she is okay with either she her or he him because she feels like a man and a woman at the same time. Some days she's a woman, some days she's a man, and some days she's both, according to her. She says she does not like they them pronouns.

okay? good for him. it's weird that you've been using only she/her this whole time and it's weird to say "she says" and "according to her" about her identity bc it kind of implies a disbelief .

Here's the problem: she has not changed her outward appearance, her name, started any kind of medical stuff, joined any groups, bought a binder etc.

you don't need to do any of that to be trans or nb and you don't need to do any of that to deserve respect. also do you know how hard it is to "start medical stuff" (which some people don't even want for a variety of completely valid reasons), how expensive binders are and how they can be hard to size and painful, etc etc etc. why should your friend change her presentation for you? why do you need him to do that to believe that he's trans? would you be judgemental of her if she had immediately started to take hormones or get surgery? respectfully, i think you would. i don't think this is about him at all, i think this is a you problem

We all continue to call her she and her because she fully presents as female and doesn't have a problem with it.

are you sure he doesn't have a problem with it or is her whole friend group misgendering him and he doesn't want to start drama. correcting someone who is misgendering u is terrifying ESPECIALLY when it's a friend u value and ESPECIALLY when it's a lot of people

Also she's very effeminate in body language, the way she talks, etc.

and? why does this matter? why should he perform masculinity for you to believe he's bigender? why can't she exist the way she feels comfortable?

Mike is the only one who uses he and him pronouns with her as often as she and her, but she has never thanked him.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO THANK SOMEONE FOR THE BASIC DECENCY OF USING THE PROPER PRONOUNS. oh my god. there is so much transphobia and ableism to unpack in this post i barely even know where to start.

First off, Anne and Mike are NOT compatible.

INFO: How is this your business?

It feels like she was attracted to him, found out he usually dates other trans people, and found a way to continue being cis but claim to be trans without having to do anything trans related, basically mimicing her favorite person. As soon as they met they hit it off, or should I say she clung to him and pretended to have the same likes and dislikes whenever they were alone I assume.

you literally just made this up and believed it. you have no proof for any of this it's all speculation because you don't like this person and are ableist against pwBPD.

It sounds terrible I know,

it does

the group chat not only agreed that she is far too "obnoxious" for him (those were NOT my words!) but that she is faking being trans in an attempt to make him fall in love with her (which seems to be working.)

these people seem like assholes

So then a few of the people in my group chat and I held an intervention with Anne alone. The six of us (the others don't live close enough to come) met up with Anne at her place and told her what she was doing was wrong and gross and that she needed to get help for her bpd and to stop catfishing Mike.

so SIX of you WENT TO HER HOUSE and ACCUSED HER OF "CATFISHING" (??? INFO: do you know what catfishing is) because she... has bpd and is trans in a way you dont like?

She didn't take well to what was said, which I anticipated, but she went crazy. She was screaming at us, insulting us, sobbing while yelling etc, literally said if we ever contacted her again she would call the cops, so we left.

yeah no fucking shit. this is probably because you went to his house to talk shit about him, misgender him and tell him you think he's not really trans, said it was because of his BPD with, again, absolutely no proof. i would have flipped out on you too! what the hell is wrong with you! imagine if someone came to YOUR house, accused you of being a manipulative stalker because of a mental health issue you can't control, told you they thought you were faking your identity... frankly i think she responded very well.

Since Mike doesn't know anyone in the group chat I went alone

THESE PEOPLE DON'T EVEN KNOW MIKE?????

and I explained EVERYTHING before she could gaslight and manipulate him even further.

INFO: did you learn these words from tiktok too?

a few hours later he texted me to never to speak to him again, and then blocked me on everything. I showed up to his house

WHAT THE FUCK

they either didn't respond or said for me never to contact them again because I was being transphobic.

YOU ARE

Listen I know under NORMAL circumstances you shouldn't question when someone comes out but

there is no but. you don't get to decide who's really trans and who's not! nobody gets to decide that but the trans person in question! it is transphobic no matter what!

I am concerned Anne is unsafe for Mike but also an unsafe person to know,

based off of what? what has she ever done to make you think mike is in danger? i have not heard a single thing in this long ass post that implies she is hurting him or could hurt him and that's a super fucked up thing to baselessly accuse someone of.

as she literally is trying to destroy my life because I called her out on some seriously messed up and abusive behavior.

that is not what's happening. you talked shit him behind his back, baselessly accusing him of faking his gender and being controlling/clingy/manipulative/abusive/etc, and now he has to try and repair the damage you have caused to his friendships. they have heard your side of the story and they have heard his and they chose him. he has done nothing messed up or abusive and you showed up at his house to verbally attack him and tried to convince his boyfriend to leave him off of, once again, entirely baseless claims. you were an asshole and now people don't like you. suck it up.

TLDR am I the asshole for trying to protect my trans friend from a potential stalker?

literally where the fuck did the stalking come from. this isn't what the situation was at all. a better TLDR is "am I the asshole for slandering my friend behind his back, misgendering her, saying cruel things about him because of his BPD, turning her friends against her, showing up at his house, trying to destroy her relationship, and calling him an abuser?"

the answer is yes, YTA.

INFO: What the fuck is wrong with you

aita for calling out someone for being manipulative towards a trans friend? Names have been changed for privacy reasons and TLDR at the end because this is long.

I (24f) am cis but have had a lot of trans friends (binary, nonbinary, and neopronoun) throughout the years and am very supportive so i take this very seriously. So I met this girl my first year in college (we were 18 at the time) and we became friends. We're polar opposites, she talks a lot and I don't, she parties a lot and I like to do more sophisticated things, she's a typical extrovert basically, and I'm more introverted. Anne (24f) was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I don't know when, she just told me this years ago. I've seen tiktoks about bpd and researched Google about bpd a little so I know all about how they have fave persons and will "mimic" people in the friend group and become clingy, manipulate, etc. I've seen pics of her in high school, noticed that she was a theater kid, she said she was good at acting and even said she thinks her bpd helped with her acting although I'm not sure how, but she said she only joined the theater club because a boy she had a crush on was in theater. That should've been my first red flag but I was naive. She has a degree in something else (not theater) because our second year in college her favorite character in a TV show did a certain job, she got interested in that, and now she also does that as a living. She doesn't talk about her bpd, she's only mentioned it a handful of times. I can count on one hand how many times. And I get it because she said someone once told her people with bpd should be sterilized and not be allowed near children. Which is really messed up and I hate that someone said that.

However on with the situation. One of our friends Mike (25m) is a trans man. We met him four years ago. He's very handsome, broody, introverted, intelligent, great listener, very accepting and understanding, similar to me but opposite to her. Now we didn't know he was trans until two years ago, because I asked him on a date and he turned me down, and when I asked why he told me that he was mostly T4T and only viewed me as a friend. We were like woah you're trans, okay that's cool, etc. He explained that he was lucky enough to get on puberty blockers and transition young etc which is why he passes. I said okay I'm not trans and you're mostly T4T fair enough.

Well last year Anne suddenly tells us that she is trans too. She says she's bigender. She says she is okay with either she her or he him because she feels like a man and a woman at the same time. Some days she's a woman, some days she's a man, and some days she's both, according to her. She says she does not like they them pronouns. Suddenly her and Mike are spending all this extra time together. Last month he confided in me that he thinks he's in love with her, after years of him only seeing her as a friend, and then they started officially dating.

Here's the problem: she has not changed her outward appearance, her name, started any kind of medical stuff, joined any groups, bought a binder etc. We all continue to call her she and her because she fully presents as female and doesn't have a problem with it. Also she's very effeminate in body language, the way she talks, etc. I know technically I could call her a he or a him, too, but she never asks me to or corrects people when they call her she because well technically she is a she too. Mike is the only one who uses he and him pronouns with her as often as she and her, but she has never thanked him. It really feels like she's saying she's trans and then going about her life exactly as a cis woman simply to convince Mike to date her.

First off, Anne and Mike are NOT compatible. She likes to party, smoke weed, talks a lot, I'm not sure how she graduated with such good grades or why she does so well in her job because she is honestly a LOT to handle and I'm saying that as nice as possible. Mike would never touch weed or go to clubs and he says he would be fine staying home while she does those things but how could you trust someone to party while high and not hook up with others? I've seen her make out with five people in one night at a frat party. They also had wildly different childhoods, such as she grew up in a conservative community and doesn't speak to her family, and he grew up in a liberal area and is close with his family. But more importantly she has a history of joining theater because she had a crush on someone in theater (plus she admits she is good at acting, so maybe she is acting now?) and getting a degree and job in a field because a favorite fictional character did that and now this? It feels like she was attracted to him, found out he usually dates other trans people, and found a way to continue being cis but claim to be trans without having to do anything trans related, basically mimicing her favorite person. As soon as they met they hit it off, or should I say she clung to him and pretended to have the same likes and dislikes whenever they were alone I assume.

It sounds terrible I know, which is why I discussed this with a group chat first that neither of them are in, and the group chat not only agreed that she is far too "obnoxious" for him (those were NOT my words!) but that she is faking being trans in an attempt to make him fall in love with her (which seems to be working.) I would NEVER have gone further without making sure with them first. So then a few of the people in my group chat and I held an intervention with Anne alone. The six of us (the others don't live close enough to come) met up with Anne at her place and told her what she was doing was wrong and gross and that she needed to get help for her bpd and to stop catfishing Mike. She didn't take well to what was said, which I anticipated, but she went crazy. She was screaming at us, insulting us, sobbing while yelling etc, literally said if we ever contacted her again she would call the cops, so we left.

I immediately called Mike before she could and asked him to meet me at a restaurant nearby and that it was very important. Since Mike doesn't know anyone in the group chat I went alone and I explained EVERYTHING before she could gaslight and manipulate him even further. He left, did not finish or pay for his food. I messaged him several times, but a few hours later he texted me to never to speak to him again, and then blocked me on everything. I showed up to his house and Anne was there. Mike said if I ever contacted him again he would get a restraining order on me so I left. I've discussed this with the group chat and now suddenly half of them changed their mind and don't want to talk about it anymore. Several of them left the group chat. Not only that but several of my friends who know either Mike or Anne or both have blocked me on everything. When I've tried to contact these friends through other means and explain everything, they either didn't respond or said for me never to contact them again because I was being transphobic. Listen I know under NORMAL circumstances you shouldn't question when someone comes out but this is NOT a normal situation, and now I am concerned Anne is unsafe for Mike but also an unsafe person to know, as she literally is trying to destroy my life because I called her out on some seriously messed up and abusive behavior.

TLDR am I the asshole for trying to protect my trans friend from a potential stalker?

What are these acronyms?

[muteddreamssilentscreams]

Thoughts I had while watching the IMAX livestream of the Jingle Ball show today

Okay Jax can really sing

Who the fuck is JVKE... oh this song

God I'd let Dove do disgraceful things to me. Holy shit she's doing the Lil Nas X cover!!!! These dancers really are the moment. Should I dress up as Jingle Ball Dove Cameron for Halloween??

Red Carpet Ad Break: Jenna Ushkowitz and Kevin McHale being real life besties is so fun. Dove is so iconic, ugh. Omg HeMo! Becca Tilley! Becca tilleys cohost!(😂) Amanda Kloots!

Is...is Ava Max lip syncing? Like I think she kinda is. Okay she's singing some but lip syncing a lot. 🤷🏾‍♀️

This experience is just reminding me of the time my mom wouldn't let me skip ONE middle school band concert to go to the JingleBall concert even though she'd already bought the tickets 🫠🙃

Ava is on but I'm literally still thinking about Dove stepping on me with those boots 🥵👢

Second time "seeing" Lauv this year hehe. Poor thing is sicky and still killing it. His look is giving a little Aaron Carter?

I feel kinda bad that JVKE only got to sing one song. Does he only have one song? Hmm.

Lauv is such a good performer. And he's hitting all the HITS. I wonder what he'll finish with. I bet I Like Me Better. Yeah, of course, how could he not.

LIIIIVVIING FOR ALL THE WOMEN IN SUITS TONIGHT

Did they just repeatedly misgender Demi or did I miss something? Okay, I literally researched this while she sang Sorry Not Sorry because I could NOT believe they would do that and apparently she's been using she/they pronouns so we good fam 👌🏾🫡 Now I can focus again. Why does their audio sound so much muddier than everyone else? Demi is ROCKING tonight.

Red Carpet Ad Break: OMG LIZZO IS GOING TO BE HERE? lol Martha Stewart is so awkward. Y'all she makes he grandkids call her MARTHA. I actually admire that part though.

How long is this whole thing gonna be I wonder. Was gonna hit up Trader Joe's tonight 🤔

Are two of the AJR brothers twins? Because the third one looks so different lol. The horn player is SLAYING this set!!!!! And okay yes when they hit the drop for Weak I smiled so big. It was joyous. But the run off stage and return with instruments was unnecessary and I kinda hated it.

Lizzo!!! Not the nails!

Okay everyone saying MSG is fucking s e n d i n g me

Why ARE men great until they gotta be great??? She really said something with that line guys.

Hell yeah BSB 2000 BREAK IT DOWN NOW!!! The boys still got it y'all. 29 fucking years damn. Uhh they have Christmas music?? Wow. The all white outfits are really working for me. Okay I would've ended on I Want it That Way but their choreo for Larger than Life is very impressive.

Red Carpet Ad Break: okay I'm over these. Let's just get to the music.

Wow Tate McCrae looks so much like Mackenzie Ziegler.

Lol not The Kid LAROI being tired of singing Stay 🤣 like I get it but you can't say it. The acoustic set was a nice change of pace and showed of his voice so well. Okay but his guitarist kinda slays.

Is Dua gonna close the show? Because that would rule

OMG Katie Holmes looks gorgeous. Okay she sucked at presenting though...

So... I guess the person in all the red carpet ad breaks I thought was Charlie Puth is not Charlie Puth because this is Charlie Puth. And he's adorable wow.

People are showing up to the theater 4 hours in?

Charlie has way too much confidence in this crowd lol its cute. Do I have a crush on Charlie Puth? Interesting, I thought the eyebrow notch was a stylistic choice but I think he just has a scar.

Red Carpet Ad Break: Zoey Duetch is so right--DUA LIPA SLAYS. And she loves to eat--FRIED POTATOES ALSO SLAY. omg hi Dove!

I'm dead at this guy in the theater he hates the ad break jingle so much but he screams when the audio goes out. Sir what do you want??

Hell yeah, it's Dua time. And she's giving HAIR. Wait this is my second time "seeing" her this year too! I'm sorry the Dua umbrella dance break 😲😍 oh and now a chair dance 😍🥵 Incredible. What a closer!!

Okay y'all the people who came in 4 hours late were actually there to see Black Panther that was supposed to start at 8:15...and Jingle Ball didn't end until 9 😳 well at least they got to see Dua, that was incredible.

In closing: can't believe I almost didn't come to this because I thought 30 bucks was too much. Didn't know I'd be there for 5 hours but it was so worth it. Loads of artists I'd never go see in concert alone and they of course played the HITS. Non stop bops? Yes please! This healed my childhood trauma of not getting to go hahaha. It's too late for Trader Joes now but that's okay we're having McDonald's tonight!!

If you read this all, you deserve an award... so, here you go 🏆

Peace and love my friends, happy holidays ✌🏾

[fly-flower-fanfics]

Can you do a Spencer Reid X Reader where the Reader is ftm and binds with ace bandages? The unsub can be targeting transgender people and targets the reader. Nothing too bad to the reader preferably but something happens to make the bandages visable. I know that binding with bandages is bad because I did it until I got a binder.

Sorry this took me so long. I’ve been out of it lately, so this is my first writing piece getting back into the swing of things, so I’m sorry if it’s bad. I hope this is something you were looking for!

Binding Secrets

Spencer Reid x Trans Male Reader

Warnings: ACE bandage binding. PLEASE don’t bind like this. 🥺

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This case was really stressful to me. It stressed me out more than other cases usually did. I’m sure the team has picked up on it, but I didn’t want to tell them why I was so stressed out. That was my secret and my secret alone.

There was no way I was going to be able to come out to the team. After I’ve gotten top surgery, then maybe, maybe, but certainly not now. Being transgender was a crime, it felt like. It was to this unsub apparently.

It was late and time for all of us to go home. The I could take these stupid ACE bandages off. I felt like my lungs were collapsing; it hurt to breathe. I knew that it wasn’t safe, especially for a job like mine where we have to be on the move a decent amount, but I hadn’t gotten around to buying a binder yet.

I was stopped by Spencer just before I got into my car, though. Part of me didn’t mind because I had a crush on the genius, but another part of me did mind because I was tired, and I just wanted to go home.

“What’s up, Spence?” I asked.

He hesitated a moment, shifting his weight uncomfortably from foot to foot. “I’m worried about you,” he said softly at first. He then cleared his throat. “You’ve been acting different lately, and I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m okay,” I said with a soft smile. Was I? 

“Y/N, I can tell when you’re lying to me. You have a tell, just like everyone else. Please...”

I felt bad lying to him, But I couldn’t tell him. My throat tightened like I was going to cry. “I need you to drop it, Spence,” I said softly

“Why? Why won’t you talk to me?”

“Because I can’t, Spencer!” 

He shook his head, dropping his arms by his side. “This is exactly what I get when I trust someone; it gets thrown back in my face.”

“Spencer, that’s not what this fucking is!” I yelled at him, tears now streaming down my cheeks.

Spencer’s demeanor changed completely as he noticed my tears.

“It has nothing to do with you, Spencer,” I said, wiping at my face aggressively. I hated that I was crying so easily. But I knew it was because of my stress and how close I was to snapping. 

Truth was was that I was scared. I was scared that I would be the next victim. That I wouldn’t be safe in my own home. All because I was trans and some guy out there thought that that was a crime and needed to kill me for it.

“Y/N....”

I shook my head, holding up a hand. “Save it. I’m sorry for yelling at you. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go home now.” With that, I got into my car and left.

The next day, I was really anxious to see Spencer. I had already apologized for yelling at him, but that didn’t change the fact that I had yelled at him.

I went to the bathroom and grabbed my ACE bandage, looking at it sadly. I hated that stupid thing. I could feel it practically squishing my ribs and lungs. I hated it so much. I couldn’t just not wear it though. I didn’t need the team seeing my chest.

I began wrapping it around and secured it in place once I was finished. I took a breath and sighed. At least it wasn’t too bad in the beginning of the day.

I made my way to my car and began to drive to work. The anxiety of seeing Spencer returned. I felt bad. Maybe I should apologize again. I pulled into my parking spot and shook my head. No, if he still had beef with me, he would say so, right?

I walked to my desk and set my things down, going to grab a coffee. As I made it, I was already making a face because I knew how bad;y it would taste.

“You know, I have to make my coffee deliberately bad so I can drink it now,” I said to Morgan, who has just walked in. 

He laughed. “I know what you mean. However, I still like a good cup of joe.”

I chuckled softly and went back to my desk, looking over the case file. We had a pretty good idea who the unsub was. We had just been waiting on Garcia to get the right information about him. 

The team quickly left, leaving Spencer and me behind, as they went to catch the unsub.

My gaze turned toward the genius again. His hair looked soft as it framed his face. His beautiful eyes intently read whatever book he was reading. His perfect hands turned the pages every couple of seconds. 

Best not to disturb him.

I looked over the last bits of information as I was clearing off the board to make a little bit more room when I realized something. The gate. How had we missed that? The gates were his signature, doors to whatever he thought. I couldn’t figure out that part. But it made me realize that now, the team was going after the wrong guy.

I quickly grabbed my coat and ran out to my car. I had to catch this guy before he caught someone else. I swallowed hard as I threw my car into gear. Who else would be better bait for this guy than a trans man like myself?

I made my wait to the gate that was in the last picture and entered the abandoned house. This was where the last victim was found, but we had figured that he liked to revisit the crime scenes. I was just banking on the fact that he hadn’t revisited this one since it had been blocked off for a couple of days.

I drew my gun and tip-toed quietly through the halls. A squeaky floorboard gave away my position, and I froze. Had he heard? Was he even here? I shook my head and continued down the hallway.

I heard a noise from behind me. I turned, but I wasn’t able to see what or who it was before something hit me in the face and knocked me out.

I woke up, dazed and confused. I tried to move but realized that my arms were tied behind me and I was stuck to a pole. I jerked to try and free myself, but it was useless.

The unsub walked over to me, twirling a knife around his fingers. “Y/N L/N, I am familiar with you. The only trans member in the BAU, isn’t that right?” 

I sneered at him, still trying to free myself. “So the fuck what? How do you even know who I am?”

“Oh, I know a lot more than you may think,” he said, walking up to me and lifting my chin with the knife. “But that’s all surprise for later on.” 

He slashed at the sleeve of my coat with his knife. “First, we play a game. It’s called Tell Me The Truth Or I’ll Take One Article Of Clothing At A Time.”

“Long title of a stupid ass game,” I muttered to myself, mentally cringing. Sometimes I hated that I was always so snippy.

He slashed at the other sleeve of my coat. “Got a mouth on you, don’t you?”

His stupid little game continued as I tried my best to keep my mouth shut. But it seemed like no matter what I did, he was slashing at my clothing. There was no sign of sexual assault on the victims, but did he do this to all of them? Somehow, I couldn’t seem to remember anything about this unsub.

My knees shook as fear began to take over my body. What would happen when he shredded my clothing to the point that there was nothing left of them? Would he go to my skin next? One of the victims was all slashed up, I think. I shook my head, trying to keep m mind clear. I needed to be safe long enough for someone to find me.

A hand around my neck made me look up and realize the unsub was behind me now, holding the knife to my neck. My eyes fell to a person standing at the base of the stairs: Spencer Reid. My heart filled with joy. Thank god for Spencer and his big brain.

“Put the gun down or I’ll kill her,” the unsub said, pressing the knife deeper into my throat.

I winced, but at the misgendering, not the knife. 

“He’s a he,” Spencer replied, holding his gun in the same position as he was five seconds ago. 

“I said, put the damn gun away!” 

The knife bit my skin, causing me to cry out. This made Spencer put his gun away. 

“All right, all right, look. The gun’s away. It’s away. Let him go.”

“I’m not letting her go. People like her need to be fixed. They’re mentally ill.”

My stomach tightened at the midgenderment. It sucked because he was going to tell Spencer my secret. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out everything that was happening. Things would be okay. They had to be okay. I had to believe that. I had to believe that I’d make it out of here. I prayed Spencer wouldn’t tell the rest of the team my secret. 

All I ever wanted was to be seen as a real boy...

The next thing I knew, my hands were being untied and there was a slight ringing in my ears. I looked down next to me to see the unsub, dead. Spencer must have been able to convince him to get far enough away from me for him to draw his gun and shoot the guy before either one of us got stabbed.

“Y/N, are you all right?” I nodded, and Spencer pulled me into a hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay. We’ll get you new clothing. Do you want to come to my house?”

I guess it was obvious to Spencer that I didn’t want to be alone. I nodded silently and he led me out to his car. “We’ll come back for yours later,” he promised me. 

At this point, I didn’t really care. My head hurt from being knocked out, and my chest was aching all over again.

Our car ride was mostly silent, but Spencer spoke up. “How did you know it was him?”

“The gate,” I replied. “Something about the gates never lined up in my head. But then it reminded me of why he always kept the eyes open. They were like portals. To what, I’m not sure...”

Spencer nodded and hesitated before speaking again. “You’re binding unsafely...”

I didn’t know what he was talking about until i looked down. My shirt was shredded, and it was easy to see the ACE bandages that was supposed to be hidden. I cursed myself, squeezing my eyes shut. 

“Please don’t tell anyone, Spence. I don’t want them to know I-I didn’t want anyone to know...”

“Is that why this case bothered you so much?”

I didn’t say anything, but my silence was probably the clearest answer. Spencer didn’t say anything else until we got to his house. He led me inside and sat me down on the couch. 

“I can grab you some clothing to borrow for tonight, but I need you to take that bandage off. You’re going to ruin your changes for top surgery. It can seriously hurt you. it can crack or break ribs and-” 

“I know, Spencer,” I said softly. “But I can’t. I’m scared...”

“My shirt’s will be big enough on you. I promise. And if you want, I’ll stay in my room all night so I won’t see you without it on. You...” He stopped a moment. He closed his eyes for a second before looking at me again. “You can borrow one of my old binders tomorrow. It may not fit perfectly, but it’s so much better than that bandage.” Spencer sat next to me on the couch.

I couldn’t believe my ears. Spencer....Spencer had just come out to me as trans. I couldn’t believe it. He was trans this whole time too? My emotions welled up in my chest, and I felt like crying all over again.

“I love you,” I blurted out. Immediately, I felt myself blush, and I regretted my words.

Spencer only smiled at me. “I love you; I always have.”

I looked down at my lap, feeling a tear drip down my cheek. “Spence, I’m scared... I-I love you. But I’m so scared...”

“Of what?”

“Of what the team will say. That...that you’ll hate me for being trans...”

“Y/N, I can’t hate you for being trans when I’m trans myself.” Spencer took my hands in his. “If you want to leave the confessions alone for tonight, I understand. You’ve been though a lot. We can talk more in the morning when you have a clearer mind. Just promise me you’ll take that ACE bandage off.”

“I promise,” I said quietly. 

Spencer stood and pressed a light kiss onto my forehead. “Thank you. Now let me go grab you those clothing so you can turn in for the night. I’ll be here if you need anything at all.” He got up and began to walk down the hallway to his bedroom.

“Spencer?” I called out.

He stopped and looked back at me from the doorway. “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

[ardellian]

Every time I’m asked to specify my gender, this is what my brain spits out.

I remember staring at the boys playing soccer and thinking -- wouldn’t it be easier if I wanted to be a boy. I wish I could just wish to be a boy. 

Did anyone else have a conversation like that in preschool, and it kind of latched onto a little sticky part of you and never let go? I wish I also was a boy, someone says, with regards to some gender thing -- like how they all just seemed to be one big group, instead of pairing themselves up in best friends; like how they got to be wild and crazy without being side-eyed by anyone; like how no one ever wanted them to look pretty -- and you look at the boys and you think -- god no. Maybe I wish I wasn’t a girl.

But it’s not like there are any other options. 

Did anyone else sit alone on a bench when you were seven and decided that I’m just going to not care about them, about what they want me to be, I don’t want to be friends on their terms I will be on my own and it’s better. Being different doesn’t make me unhappy, it’s attempting to be like everyone else and failing that’s making me feel bad. 

I can’t not want to be a girl because I certainly do not wish I was a boy. 

Your friend is trans but you’ve never felt uncomfortable with your body in that way. You used to be ashamed of parts of it, sure, but then read somewhere in a book that being ugly wasn’t being bad and if you were ugly then you would just be ugly, and you stared at your ugly parts in the mirror and you said hello ugly boobs and ugly chin and ugly skin, I guess it’s gonna be us from now on. And you know what? Turns out having no boobs is kind of sweet actually; you don’t have to buy expensive bras and it doesn’t hurt when you run. And now that you’re ugly you can wear the things you want instead of things that would still fail to make you pretty, like that red hat, and that leather jacket, and one day your classmates will think you're a little bit scary and that’s a much better feeling than feeling pretty. 

So you like your body. Your legs are strong, even though one is a bit broken. You’re tall and broad shouldered and you like that. Sure, you wish your nipples wouldn’t be so “female presenting” because if they weren’t you could totally not wear a top on the beach and no one would stare. You wish you didn’t have a period because jfc is that annoying. But it’s not because those are girl things that you don’t like them. They’re just a bit in the way, sometimes. It’s not like having dangly bits between your legs wouldn’t be annoying as heck, too, not to mention the beard -- you have enough hair that people expect you to shave, except when you do it just itches and it just keeps growing and it’s such a hassle. 

Anyway you think girls are generally better looking than boys so why in the world would you want to be a boy? 

I’ve been “misgendered” a few times. My dad was with me once and I think he was worried -- I was fourteen -- he was worried I was going to be upset and I was just feeling proud and smug on the inside. Gotcha. 

And when I shaved my head and stole my mum’s old jacket because she wouldn’t let me take it because she said it made me look like a boy. 

And when I got so passionate about boys being worse off because girls (I) could (did) wear pants and leather jackets and shirts that flattened out my already flat chest and it was still acceptable for girls (I still wanted to) to go to prom in a glittery dress and in girly make-up and be fabulous. 

And when I had a crush on a girl and came out for the first time as a lesbian and then i immediately fell super hard for a boy and felt fake for YEARS. I never even tried looking inwards again -- if I wasn’t actually dating anyone then it didn’t matter, right? If I got together with a girl, then I could “come out”, I guess. And if I got together with a boy it wouldn’t matter, right? Who cares about what you feel or think in the privacy of your own head if you don’t really want to share, anyway? 

Did anyone else decide to never put any kind of label on yourself because then you could never fail to live up to that label? 

My parents used to say please just sit like a person and I always said I’m not a person.  

Does it matter? Does it make sense? To come out when you want nothing to change? 

My sexuality in the abstract has never seemed important to me, just to others. When I’ve fallen in love, it hasn’t mattered if I was lesbian, or bisexual, or straight. I, this person, was in love with someone, that person. How did my “sexuality” play into that? 

I never liked talking about my crushes to even my close friends, so why should I announce my sexuality to the whole world?

Ah yes, nice weather we’re having today - Yes, that’s true and also by the way I’m bisexual! - Uhm, okay? What do you want me to do with that information? - Oh nothing I guess.

Ah yes, nice weather we’re having today - Yes, that’s true and also by the way I’m maybe not really a girl? I haven’t decided and I don’t think I ever will. - Uhm, okay? What do you want me to do with that information? - Oh nothing I guess. - Do you go by they/them now? - Oh, not really, I don’t mind what pronouns you use. And I’m not going to change my presentation, I’ve figured out what I like. You don’t need to do anything, I just want to plant this confusing bit of information in your brain which I want to have no impact on how we interact because-------eh?

I love my partner, I look the way I want, and I live the life I chose. 

I don’t owe anyone a set of labels, and trying to figure them out has caused me nothing but misery.

I call myself queer, because it’s an expression of political intent, not because it’s a label that defines me. I call myself queer because everyone should be allowed to love who they love, look how they want, and live the way they chose. I call myself queer because to understand what that really means, to understand what that says about me, requires that you loosen the grip normative heterosexuality has on you for a moment. If I tell you I’m not straight -- I leave you unaffected in your straightness. If I tell you I’m not cis -- I leave you unaffected in your cis-ness. 

I’m not “not like you”. 

By being queer, by denying the application of the categories that makes sense in the gender binary to at least one person out there, I want to make a statement not about the thoughts feelings I have in the privacy of my own head -- which I am under no obligation to ever share and categorize -- but about the world around me. 

[yoificfinder]

Hey love, hope you are doing well ✨ I was wondering if you have any recommendations regarding side characters (personality analysis, friendship etc.) I absolutely adore all the side characters in the YOIverse however there are not many fics revolving around them so if you know any good ones, it'd be great!! Thank you so much in advance 💟

Hey dear nonnie! This took a long time, I hope you're still here. I combed through ao3 to find fics I remember that fit your request and discovered new gems along the way! Many of these are not popular/underrated but I guarantee that they're good reads so I hope you (and anyone else who finds this) enjoy! If only for that reason alone, I really hope this rec list becomes one of the most popular posts in this blog (I would really appreciate a reblog!) so these fics/authors can receive more love! Plus this is the most exhaustive and time-consuming rec list I've made so far (but I still feel that I missed a lot so other recs are welcome!).

Without further ado, here are some great YOI side-characters' stories in canonverse:

(Don't) Give A Damn by @forochel [T, 9K]

Mari, through the years.

an open door by tripcyclone [G, 8K]

Lilia never wanted children of her own, but caring for Victor gives her a glimpse into the life she chose to pass by.

Beautiful In Knowing by @val-creative [T, 1K]

Sara knew she was a girl, even if nobody else did or believed her.

She ordered Michele to call her "Lady Sara" from now on. He would roll his eyes and grumble, but never attempt to misgender her. She liked "Sara" — it meant "lady, princess, noblewoman". And she would never go back to her deadname.

by any other name by iguanastevens [T, 2K]

"A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

Yuri's life as told by the names he's given; or, how Yuri's names direct his life.

Feathers on the Ice by Kiranokira / @kyashin [E, 79K]

After dinner and a bath and quality hamster time, snuggled in bed cocooned within his eight entirely necessary pillows, Phichit indulges himself and investigates Seung-gil's hashtag. There isn’t much from Seung-gil himself, but Seung-gil's fans are many and dedicated. Amid the photos of Seung-gil at competitions or practicing and the few candid shots of Seung-gil in airports or out on the streets of Seoul, there’s a very recent professional video uploaded by user andjoy_studio.

Phichit clicks on it, and his life changes.

fermata by perbe [T, 3K]

When one is patchwork of growth plates and bruises, it is inevitable that one must admire boys with words a size too big, as if they know down to their bones that they are meant for something greater.

I used to burn for you, Otabek thinks.

(A character study on Otabek's reaction to his placement at the Grand Prix Finals.)

Go On Ahead by @kiaronna [G, 2K]

Sour, grouchy Yakov didn’t understand sparkly purple skate outfits or wanting to eat your weight in sweets or having crushes on boys.

But Viktor did.

Gossips, Chinese whispers and misunderstandings by womanroaring [M, 8K]

Series of short stories relating to how certain (often perfectly innocent) scenes in Yuri On Ice would have looked from the outside. And just the gossip and stuff that would have surrounded them.

I am Yuri Plisetsky by rinsled05 / @dreaming-fireflies [M, 1K]

Who is Yuri Plisetsky?

He's not Agape.

Not a “prima donna” ballerina.

And definitely no Russian fairy.

No, Yuri Plisetsky is an angry, loud, in-your-face, Russian tiger who will take to the ice and give you a brilliant gold-worthy performance you will never forget.

... a piece on Yuri's rationale for skating to "Welcome to the Madness". Rated for the actual foul-mouthed language in the story itself, courtesy of one Yuri Plisetsky.

if friends were flowers i'd pick you by windupbirdgirl / @tanpopori [G, 4K]

Yuuko thinks of Yuuri’s skating, beautiful and flawed. She thinks of Yuuri sitting with the girls instead of the other boys at practice. She thinks of Yuuri and Viktor, the posters of him he asks her to buy him for birthdays. The posters he wouldn't ask anyone else to buy.

“Oh, Yuuri.” She bites her nails, ruining the carefully applied polish. She doesn’t care at all.

Sitting in that tiny bedroom, she makes a big decision.

if love is king, who wears the crown by @crollalanzaa [G, 1K]

“Second is seen as nothing,” Christophe had derided.

“But that moment you glide onto the ice, that hush of the audience, and that expectation, isn’t that worth something?”

“You speak as if you know. You used to skate?"

Past tense. It still stung, even if it was expected.

Minako knows exactly what it's like to be at the top of your game, and she remembers the descent just as clearly.

if she wants me by renaissance [G, 6K]

Hiroko and Minako, then and now.

kagura by night by seventhstar / @pencilwalla [T, 1K]

The world around her is like the mountains.

A mortal lifespan is narrow; mortals watch the mountain’s unchanging faces, unravaged by the same measure of time that takes a human from dust to dust, and think them immortal in comparison. But stone erodes, just as flesh decays. It just takes longer.

If she watches long enough, everything changes. Languages drift until all the words she learned before are meaningless. Technology changes until she ceases to believe in magic because human ingenuity is more infinite than the stars. What is beautiful, what is polite, what is wrong, what is right—time, given its way, reshapes all.

But Minako’s body remains as it has always been. That’s why she loves to dance, she supposes; it’s the one thing time cannot take from her.

Katsudon by @azriona [G, 8K]

Hiroko doesn’t need to see to coat pork cutlets in egg and panko. She has made this dish for her family for over thirty years; she’ll make it another thirty, if she’s lucky.

Now she makes it for Yuuri and Victor as they fly home from Barcelona, with silver around their necks and gold around their fingers.

keep me steady as we go by strikinglight [G, 3K]

When Isabella stood and crossed the room to where he sat she saw her notebook open in his lap, turned to the last page of their to-do list, all but three items crossed off with less than a month to the wedding date. License. Ceremony. Everything after. She saw the angle of his gaze, too, not on the words but straight ahead, staring blank and glassy and brittle into some invisible place she still wasn’t sure she could follow him to, yet. And yet she had been the one who’d promised to try—and to keep promising, forever and forever.

Kooks by BoxWineConfessions [G, 3K]

Mari clasps her right hand across her left hand and rests them both atop her growing stomach. “I guess you’re just lucky that your father, I mean your other father, my brother-“ Mari giggles. “God, it all sounds so weird, doesn’t it? Do you care? Do you care that we’re all so fucked up and we don’t care at all?” Mari laughs again. It’s all she can do when she hurts this much, and wants a cigarette this much, but can’t stop smiling despite the fact that her body seems to hate her so much. “Well he means the world to me. That’s why I have you.”

Living in the Maybe by @adrianners [T, 6K]

It wasn’t hard to spot a 180cm platinum blond in Fukuoka International Airport. Especially when he was the only person wearing sunglasses. Indoors. At night.

Mari picks Viktor up at the airport when he returns from Moscow. Without Yuuri there to play his usual role of interpreter, they learn to communicate around their linguistic, cultural, and personal barriers.

post tenebras lux by @alykapediaaa [T, 1K]

“Which skater would you say has inspired your skating the most?”

The question catches him unaware, so much so that he’s rendered speechless. It’s only when he sees Yakov lean towards the microphone to answer in his stead that Yuri blurts out the first name that comes to mind.

“Yuuri Katsuki.”

The Best Men by @kiaronna [Not Rated, 5K]

Just as Viktor lives to surprise, Christophe Giacometti lives to scandalize, to sensationalize. But innocent little Phichit Chulanont is proving to be an impossible victim.

OR: where Christophe tries very hard to get under one Thai skater’s skin, and instead finds himself all over the younger skater’s Instagram feed and wrapped around his finger.

the city of bridges by @stammiviktor [T, 5K]

After three flights, a train ride, and dinner at the Katsukis' table, Yakov finally sees Hasetsu through Viktor's eyes.

The First Cut by BoxWineConfessions [E, 27K]

People made divorce seem like this long drawn out and ugly process, but it really wasn’t. He bought the town home for Isabella as a gift, and so it was hers. The flat down town would go to him, as it was closer to the rink. They paid off her medical school loans last fall, so that was done too. He had a few cars, which she unanimously agreed were his to keep, so long as she could keep her Corvette. She changed her vanity plate from Dr. Leroy to Dr. Yang. He saw it parked out front of the courthouse.

trials of Coach Yakov series by @naraht [T and M, 40K]

Summaries of fics in the series:

1. Forced to share a bed with Victor at the Sochi Grand Prix Final, Yakov learns more than he wants to know.

2. Yakov attempts to prepare Yuri for his transition to Seniors. Yuri doesn't care to listen.

3. No sex while you're competing – this is Yakov's rule. His athletes often have other ideas.

4. In 1980, Yakov Feltsman is the USSR's skating hero. At a dull official reception, he defends his loyalty to the motherland – and makes the acquaintance of a beautiful young dancer from the Bolshoi.

5. In which both Victor and Yakov have to remake themselves – Victor after his first Olympic gold and Yakov after his divorce.

Tz'ror by athoroughlybakedpotato [T, 3K]

Yakov changes much slower than the times do, but steadiness is not always a bad thing.

---

ETA - Other people's rec:

curtain of lies by @mandolinearts

JJ's Bizarre Adventure by Falahime

Landscapes of Spring and Summer by @myyoitrashblog

The Melancholy of Georgi Popovich by Falahime

+ a lot more recs on this reblog!!

Thanks for the rec, @vilchen, @genuine-firefly, @adrianners, and @kaleidodreams! ❤

[hamiltalian-creates]

Wine Mom Dadceit, Pt 2

Summary: Janus takes his disaster children to the park. Two of them nearly attempt murder and the third meets a new crush friend. 

Pairings: Virgil x Remy, past Janus x Patton

Words: 2,080

Warnings: Misgendering / Attempted deadnaming (They don’t know his actual deadname)

As they pulled up to the house, Janus began setting out the rules for the quick stop.

“Both of you wear what you want to wear to the park and then wait for me in the living room. I’m going to be cleaning up the drinks that I was planning on enjoying earlier and mourning my hot bath.”

“You know, you can take hot baths during the week,” Virgil pointed out. “I mean, you do work from home a lot, aren’t you always saying that nobody can stop you from doing what you want when you work at home?”

Janus sighed and walked with the two boys into the house. “Virgil. The point of the hot bath is to relax away the stresses of the week. How can I do that if I’m working?”

Virgil turned to face him, staring his father dead in the eyes. “Dad, I love you, but if anybody else asks me why I’m so dramatic, I’m going to start writing these kinds of things down to quote back to them.”

“When you’re older, you will understand the importance of self care.” Sure, Janus made sure they knew the value of doing regular self care, but it wasn’t the same as doing self care regimens that were as extra as his own. “You’re going to look back at this conversation one day and realize that I know exactly what I’m talking about.”

Virgil shrugged and walked off, not very sure that he believed that as he went to his room, Remus darting to do the same.

Janus sighed and went to the bathroom, grabbing his water bottle on the way and pouring the drinks into it. They didn’t quite fill the water bottle all the way, so Janus filled the rest of it with orange juice and finished cleaning up the day that he’d previously planned, finding both Remus and Virgil waiting for him once he was done.

“Do I really have to go?” Virgil asked. “I will go back to dad’s and be on my best behavior.”

“Yes, you have to go. It’ll be good for you to go outside for once.” He grabbed his parasol and Remus’s leash, just in case. “Come on, Remus isn’t complaining.”

“Remus doesn’t mind human contact!”

“I want to climb the swing sets!” Remus said, running over to cling onto Janus’s legs. “And the kids are all stinky!”

Janus peeled him off. “No, you’re in trouble. If you so much as think about putting spiders in someone’s hair, it’s the leash for you.”

Remus pouted and followed him as they all walked outside and drove down to the park.

The second that they got there, Remus hopped out of the car and ran to the nearest playground, Janus sighing as he watched. “Well... At least the car was parked this time.”

“I can literally just stay in here the whole time,” Virgil said. “Please.”

“Nope. We’re just going to walk around, you can wear your hoodie, god forbid I make you expose your whole arms to everyone.”

Virgil huffed and got out of the car with Janus, pulling up his hood as he join his dad under the parasol.

“Virgil, I respect that you want nobody to recognize you ever, but aren’t you a little hot in that?..”

“I wouldn’t be if you’d let me stay home.”

Janus rolled his eyes. “I want you to learn a lesson about what happens when you tape children to walls, but I don’t want you to overheat.” Even Janus had switched out his usual long sleeved button up for a t-shirt. It wasn’t particularly hot, but Virgil wasn’t particularly used to being anywhere without air conditioning.

“Fine... I’m going to leave my hoodie in the car, only because my shirt has long sleeves.” Virgil went and sat in the car as he took off his hoodie, glad that this particular purple shirt wasn’t too worn out.

“Isn’t that a little better?” Janus asked as Virgil joined him back under the parasol.

“No.”

Janus tutted. “You’re such a drama queen.”

Virgil shrugged and messed with his fidget cube as they began walking around. “Yeah, I get it from you.”

Janus smiled a bit as they walked. He didn’t particularly like forcing Virgil out of his comfort zone like that, but the poor kid had had a hard time making friends his own age, so it was pretty rare that he went anywhere that wasn’t school. It was tough to get him out during the week, so on the weekends where he took them back early, he made sure to take advantage of it.

About fifteen minutes into their time at the park, Janus was approached by one of the PTA moms from Virgil’s school.

“Oh my goodness, hi! It’s funny running into you two here. You’re the last people I’d expect to see out here, knowing Virgie,” she joked.

Janus faked a smile. He always at least attempted to be civil with any moms he didn’t already have beef with. “Virgil doesn’t do that well in social settings, I know I’ve said it time and time again. I just thought this would be quiet enough.”

“Well, where’s that other kid of yours? He’s always so.. Upbeat at the PTA meetings.”

Janus looked over at the playground where he last saw Remus and saw him running around like a normal kid. “He’s over there, just playing around.”

She looked over and nodded. “It’s good to make him get out all of that energy from time to time, isn’t it?”

“If it’s too much to handle, I guess that would be the best course of action, wouldn’t it?”  

She laughed, though it was pretty clear that she caught onto his passive aggression. “That reminds me, we haven’t seen dear Patty in a while. All of us other PTA moms have to look out for one another, after all.”

That was it. That was the last straw. “Virgil, why don’t you go sit with your brother? I think the two of us have a bit of catching up to do.” He pulled the beanie off of his head and gave it to Virgil, knowing that his son would be too nervous to draw attention with the parasol.

Virgil did not hesitate to take the beanie and leave. As much as he wanted to see his dad fuck someone up, he did not want to be in the direct path of any spilled blood. So, he went over to the playground Remus was at, playing with his fidget cube to distract himself.

Unfortunately, having his face down meant that he couldn’t see a basketball shooting straight for his face until someone caught it, inches from his nose.

“Woah, that was trippy. I mean, I, like, never can catch anything like that.”

Virgil glanced up, his face as pale as a ghost as he realized what had just happened. He almost just got hit in the face by a basketball and this unfortunately cute boy his age just saved him.

“Woah, holy eyeshadow.”

Okay, Virgil had seen enough. He was ready to die.

“I mean, that is an intense look and I’m kind of digging it,” he said as he threw the ball back towards the court. “Now that my jock phase is over, can I get a name? I’m Remy.”

As much as Virgil wanted to quietly walk away, this guy did save his face. “Thank you... I guess since you helped me, I’m Virgil..”

“Virgil, that’s a cute name. What’s a little vampire prince like you doing out here?”

Virgil laughed awkwardly. “I’m just here with my family, I guess...”

“You guess?” Remy asked, pulling off his sunglasses. “That’s a weird thing not to be sure about.”

Virgil shrugged and glanced over at the playground where Remus was at, trying to find him. “It wasn't my choice.. My brother likes it here better than-” Virgil cut himself off as he saw a kid knock Remus off of the playground, feeling himself fill up with rage. “Hey!” He immediately ran over and helped his brother off of the ground, clenching his jaw as he saw some scrapes on Remus’s face.

“It didn’t even hurt!” Remus insisted, though the way he was tearing up said otherwise.

Virgil looked up at the kid who’d knocked him down and glared. “You fucking brat,” he spat out venomously before turning his attention back to Remus. “What happened?” he asked much more softly.

“I told him I had three dads and he pushed me like a coward,” Remus explained through his tears.

“Fucking hell...” Virgil grumbled under his breath. “Come on, let’s go get dad.”  

“No, I’m fine!” Remus kept insisting, wiping his eyes. “Just let me get him back, I’m fine.”

“No, Remus... If I let you keep running around, dad is going to get mad at us both.”

“Hey, is he okay?” Remy asked as he walked up behind Virgil.

“I just have battle scars! I can fight that other guy!” Remus insisted. “I’m fine!”

Remy laughed and knelt down beside the two of them, pulling out a box of band-aids. “I’m, like, a serious clutz, so I carry these around all the time. Do you mind?” he asked Virgil.

“I.. Um... I mean...” Virgil was back to his normal, disaster gay self now that his initial anger wore off.

“I want a band-aid!” Remus said.

Remy smiled and gave Virgil a look, making sure it was okay with him.

Virgil just nodded.

“Well, I don’t see why you can’t have one,” Remy said as he pulled out a band-aid and put it on Remus’s face.

Virgil almost fainted as he noticed that it was a rainbow band-aid.

“Hey, it’s like the flag in Virgil’s roo-”

“Weren’t you going to go torment a child?”

Remus grinned widely as he got permission to do as he please and ran off, chasing down the kid.

“Pfft.. Kids, right?..” Virgil asked, trying to brush it off.

“Oh, I already knew you were gay,” Remy said matter-of-factly. “I saw you walking under a parasol.”

“That was my dad’s idea,” Virgil quickly insisted. “I mean.. Yeah, I’m gay...”

Remy smiled. “Knew it. Anyways, a little information about me: I’m gay, I have band-aids, I’m new in town.”

Virgil couldn’t stop himself from laughing at that. “John Mulaney..”

“It never fails,” Remy said, shrugging.

“What never fails?” Remus asked as he popped up behind them.

Virgil jumped and turned to face him, ignoring the handful of hair hanging out of his pocket. “How long have you been standing there?”

Remus shrugged. “We should go home before that kid’s mom sees that I took his hair.”

Virgil glanced between him and Remy and Remus seemed to catch on quickly.

“Ooh! He’s a homosexual and Virgil’s the homo!”

“Remus!”

Remy quickly stepped in, though this time, it was his turn to start blushing. “So, my brother probably knows that I’ve escaped my grounding by now, do you have a phone number that I can get for my trouble?”

“Uh- Yeah! I mean...” Virgil searched his pockets. “Yeah, but I left my phone in the car...” He checked his back pockets and found his eyeliner pencil. “Would this work for you?..”

“Yeah!” Remy gladly rolled up his jacket sleeve. “Mark me up.”

Virgil nodded and moved to grab Remy’s arm, hesitating as he realized it meant direct physical contact, which he wasn’t too sure that he was ready for.

“Come on, I don’t bite. I, uh.. I kind of feel like that’s your brother’s job.”

Remus smiled proudly.

“Right, yeah, I know that,” Virgil said awkwardly. As quickly as he could without making it seem like he was trying to get away from Remy, he grabbed his arm and wrote his phone number down.

“Great! I’ll text you later if my bro doesn’t chew my head off. I just seriously needed to get outside after all that unpacking.” He got up and grabbed his box of band-aids again, giving a few more to Remus. “You do you, little buddy.”

“Thank you!” Remus took them and immediately began putting them on random spots on his arms and legs.

Remy chuckled and looked back at Virgil one more time. “I’ll talk to you later..”

Virgil nodded and watched as he walked off, thankful that Remus wasn’t making the obvious joke.

Instead, his brother sat down beside him and let him be gay in peace.

Unfortunately, his father didn’t get the memo.

[trisanachandlers]

other thoughts on lioness rampant:

it is far and away THE BEST book in this quartet in terms of writing

it also strikes me as the most cinematic, in that it has the most moments that like... filled me with childlike glee at the idea of getting to see it adapted for tv? I guess we still don’t really know what exactly is getting adapted or how it will be done but god I want to see the whole coronation day battle sequence so badly! it may be because I specifically turned that part of my brain on at some point in this book like I hadn’t for the others but throughout almost all of it I had really clear mental images of everything and everyone. of course I’m tempering my expectations because even if it does get adapted everything could be so different from how I imagine it, but you know, all any of us really wants in life is the experience my mom had with the movie of the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe where in the theater we got to the sweeping shot of the tents in aslan’s camp and she gasped and went “oh my god this is EXACTLY how I always pictured it” anyway that’s what I want from literally every scene starting with the ordeal of kings and ending with alanna v roger

it’s also the best alanna and jonathan book, even more so now that I’m like an adult who can relate to/fully delight in the relationship between people who used to be in love and therefore know each other really really well and are amicable enough to use that fact to just roast each other constantly, with affection

seriously there is not a single moment in this book where they’re in the same room and it doesn’t quickly become the funniest fucking thing i’ve ever read. “jon, do i really have to say ‘awesome artifact’? oh well, guess I’m too old to put a frog in his bed”

I reblogged someone’s john mulaney quotes as sotl characters post a while back and the only one I was like “huh?” about was gary as “it’s a grid system, motherfucker!” because I had largely forgotten the details of what happened in these books until this reread since it’d been like 11-12 years, so when I got to the part where gary is like “actually the practical work of running a kingdom is really interesting! grain prices and farmers and” my brain went “IT’S A GRID SYSTEM, MOTHERFUCKER” and I fully burst out laughing on an airplane and startled my seatmates

more (gay) thoughts below

“love you. always have. always will. never know how he did it”

don’t have much else to say about that i’ve just been lying on the floor weeping softly for days

the thing is I’ve reread protector of the small at least once, some books several times, and I’ve reread trickster at least twice, and I haven’t reread all of immortals but I’ve read wild magic and emperor mage at least twice each, but I really hadn’t reread song of the lioness because I was always like “I love these books in spirit but they really weren’t as good in terms of the writing and also the problematic white savior stuff so I’d rather reread the better work she’s done later in her career & the development of this world,” and as a result I think I’d forgotten how major a character thom actually is? (had also highkey forgotten this about coram, gary, and alex because in the intervening decade my brain had simplified it down to “these books are about alanna, her cat, her three big love interests, thayet and buri in the last book, and of course roger, and also raoul is there I guess”) but the thing is I think that also happened because like alanna and george and raoul and jonathan and thayet and buri all get to keep being, like, obviously not major characters but important secondary characters, because some of them are important to kel, and sometimes to daine, and obviously to aly. but even though liam is right about it being meaningful to die for something important, alanna also has a point in that argument because a character can’t continue being important to the story if they’re dead! anyway I’m sad

I know this has been commented on before but they’re all so freakin’ young! which I did not understand when I was 12 but now jonathan is ascending the throne and he is literally my age! what the fuck!

another thing about being older is I’ve gotten over the thing I had as a kid where I never wanted to love the main characters best because I felt like I was supposed to and I didn’t want to do what I was supposed to do or something, and wow, I love alanna so deeply, she is so perfect, she is so flawed, I adore her so much. She is such a badass! She is such a good friend! She is such a good sister! She is such a good daughter (to myles, to be clear)! She is such a complicated and evolving partner who learns so much about how to be a better one over time! She and george are SO GOOD TOGETHER in the end

I know tammy kind of sidestepped saying whether she’s bisexual (or misinterpreted the question, was my impression?) and talked about her being genderqueer instead but also I get such a bi vibe from like every part with thayet. there is a compelling argument that it really is alanna, as a person attracted to men, negotiating femininity and male attraction and her feelings around it through her friendship with thayet, who is very conventionally feminine and beautiful! but also “she is so beautiful, I think I want to... be her” is such a classic confused baby sapphic thing at least among gays now that like.... also for a scene involving three people who are all ostensibly heterosexual, the part where alanna refuses to wear a dress to present the princess she rescued to the king, who is her ex-lover, who she was in a secret relationship with while presenting to everyone else as a guy, feels very, very queer to me

anyway alanna and jonathan are both bi

(my read of first adventure was also that jonathan totally had a crush on page alan well before he knew about alanna but anyway)

also I had fully forgotten about the part where she gets misgendered (basically?) in the tavern in maren and people think she’s a twink and liam’s boyfriend/a guy who is in love with him in a gay way, which then doesn’t really go further than confusion and the vague sense that being mistaken for gay = danger in this universe. but if alanna + gender gets to be more nuanced in the 21st century, as I would hope from that tammy tweet, then I would be interested to see if there’s more things like that adapted into a tv version.

I would think also SURELY alanna and jon were not THAT subtle like once ~her secret is revealed~ everyone back home seems to figure out they were lovers like by the time jonathan goes to visit the bloody hawk but like that part in maren suggests to me there is NO WAY the heterosexuals of the eastern lands are SO clueless that the court wouldn’t have noticed prince jonathan and squire alan were definitely fucking behind their backs

can katherine have little a trebond twins talking about queerness, as a treat? but anyway

since alanna is myles’ heir now and she is alanna of pirate’s swoop and olau then why isn’t thom of pirate’s swoop named thom of pirate’s swoop and olau

also george and alanna’s conversation at the end about settling down and getting married and having children after roaming together is much funnier now that I know, from having read all of the tortall wiki, that thom of pirate’s swoop is born while they are on a mission

that’s it I guess it’s a good book and I love it and I’m excited to start rereading immortals and see just what the fuck adult me thinks of THAT

[enbyleighlines]

Would you consider writing Jiang Cheng's response to Nie Huaisang's confession as anpther one of the modern mdzs fics? Maybe with Wen Qing as well since I know she and Jiang Cheng have a relationship too? I cannot get enough of the modern au. I already love the way you write nhs so much and I need them to have a happy ending 😭

Absolutely, my friend! I’m glad to hear you are enjoying them~

—

On the night of his Jiejie’s wedding, Jiang Cheng drives Wen Qing and himself back to his apartment in silence. Both of them are exhausted from the long day, so the lack of conversation isn’t unusual or awkward.

Still, Wen Qing must have sensed something. As soon as they settle in for the night, and Jiang Cheng is about to climb into bed, she speaks up.

“Something on your mind?” She asks, looking up from the book she had been reading. She is marking her place with a finger.

Jiang Cheng knows that if he brushes off her question, that she will simply shrug and go back to reading. She will drop it, and probably not bring it up again. That is just the type of relationship they have. It is casual, surface level... a little cold. They both keep each other at arm’s length, metaphorically speaking. Their bodies can touch but their hearts can not, not for long, not long enough to risk forming an attachment.

Of course, Jiang Cheng also knows that he’s only lying to himself. He has already grown attached. Wen Qing just doesn’t need to know that.

When Jiang Cheng doesn’t immediately answer, Wen Qing folds the corner of the page she is on and sets the book aside. She gives the empty side of the bed a few pats. “Come on,” she says, “Say what you want to say, or forever hold your peace.”

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes, but sits down beside her anyway. “Nie Huaisang said something to me today,” he begins.

Wen Qing raises a single eyebrow, and waits patiently.

“They... told me that they like me,” Jiang Cheng confesses, trying to keep his voice tight and emotionless.

“Okay?”

“Ever since high school,” Jiang Cheng continues, “Can you believe that? Holding onto a crush from high school that long?”

Wen Qing snorts, but at least she tries to hide it behind her hand.

Jiang Cheng flushes, remembering that he is still harboring a crush on Wen Qing that had begun in high school. God, he can be such a hypocrite!

“Well,” Wen Qing says, “What did you say?”

“What could I say?” Jiang Cheng counters, deflecting by pure reflex. He feels the guilt he had suppressed earlier begin to bubble back up. “I told them... I didn’t know what to think. I mean, they sprung that on me so suddenly! So I said I’d give them a proper answer later, after I’ve thought things through.”

Wen Qing hums. Even as exhausted as she is, she clearly sees where Jiang Cheng is going with this. “And how do you feel about Nie Huaisang?” she asks, knowingly.

“I don’t know,” Jiang Cheng admits. It’s the not knowing that is messing him up, but he doesn’t say that. “I mean, Nie Huaisang... they’re assigned male at birth? I think that’s what they’re calling it these days. And I’m not gay. So I shouldn’t be attracted to them.”

“But you are?” Wen Qing guesses.

“Is that weird? Am I gay now?”

This time, Wen Qing is unable to hold back her laughter. She giggles into her fist, clutching her stomach with the other hand.

Jiang Cheng scowls and waits for her to finish.

After a moment, Wen Qing meets his gaze again. She’s still smirking, though, that little curl at the edge of her lip that drives Jiang Cheng wild. “If anything, you would be bi,” she corrects him, “Unless you no longer find me attractive?”

It’s a dig at him and they both know it. Jiang Cheng shoves her shoulder, and she only laughs some more.

“So we can rule out you being gay,” Wen Qing teases.

“Will you take this seriously?” Jiang Cheng grouches. “Just answer the question. Is it weird, for me to be attracted to Nie Huaisang?”

Wen Qing gives him another smile. This one is genuine, almost fond. “Of course it isn’t weird,” she says, “You might have a slight attraction to men, or you could just find the concept of androgyny attractive. As much as I wish human sexuality was as simple as movies and TV would have us believe, it’s far more complex than that.”

Jiang Cheng considers that. “Is there a word for... being attracted to androgynous people? As well as women?”

“Probably,” Wen Qing answers, “but I don’t know what it is. I find the concept of labels limiting at best and misleading at worst. But if you think it would help, I can do some research for you.”

Jiang Cheng leans back against the headboard. He doesn’t know if it would help. He supposes Wen Qing might be right about the labels thing. Any time they’ve attempted to put a label on the strange relationship they share, it’s only ever ended in heartache. And, on that note, being attracted to Nie Huaisang isn’t Jiang Cheng’s only problem.

“Hey, Wen Qing,” Jiang Cheng murmurs, “Are you... jealous, at all?”

Wen Qing sighs. “You know I’m not a jealous person,” she reminds him, “Why? Do you want me to be jealous?”

He kind of does, but he won’t ever admit it. And it’s not jealousy itself he craves, exactly, just the confirmation that maybe Wen Qing feels a fraction of what he feels for her. That maybe she considers him a part of herself, something she doesn’t want to lose.

Wen Qing sighs again. “We’re not exclusive, either,” she adds.

Jiang Cheng is painfully aware. He spits, “I know.” And then, “But have you actually ever... slept with anyone else? While the two of us have been a thing?”

Silence fills the room. Wen Qing fidgets with the ends of her bangs. “I’m too busy for that,” she deflects.

They’re both living a lie. That much is clear. Jiang Cheng blows out air though his teeth, and attempts to put his temper and ego aside for the moment. “So is it really fair, then, if I ask Nie Huaisang out on a date?”

Wen Qing surprises him. She reaches out and puts her hand over his, lacing their fingers. “C’mon, don’t they say everything’s fair in love and war?”

Jiang Cheng sucks in a breath. It’s the closest Wen Qing has ever gotten to admitting that there is love between them. He gives himself a moment to savor the little victory. And then he says, point blank, “I want to know if you’re okay with me asking Nie Huaisang out on a date.”

“Yes,” Wen Qing answers easily. She gives his fingers a squeeze. “Will you be okay asking them out on a date?”

“I don’t know,” Jiang Cheng admits.

“What’s holding you back? Be honest. Is it the whole gay thing?” Wen Qing’s smirk has returned. “I hope you realize how dumb that sounds to me. I did the whole gay panic thing back in middle school. That’s child’s play to me.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jiang Cheng finds himself smiling now, too. He remembers that Wen Qing was the first out and proud person he ever met. He remembers her wearing bi pride pins on her backpack, and how she was always the first person to put bigots in their place. She’s always been the strongest and bravest person he knows. He loves her so damn much. He only hopes that one day he’ll find the courage to tell her.

“So what’s really holding you back?” Wen Qing asks.

Jiang Cheng’s grin falls. He feels bad saying it aloud, even if he knows Wen Qing won’t judge him. But he says it anyway. “I’m afraid of hurting them,” he admits, “What if things go great at first, but when it comes to... getting intimate, I freeze up? What if I don’t find them attractive under the makeup?”

Wen Qing squeezes his fingers again. “That’s always a possibility,” she tells him.

“And I know I don’t know shit about being transgender or nonbinary or whatever,” Jiang Cheng continues, “but I heard that being misgendered hurts. And what if Nie Huaisang thinks I’m misgendering them, by not being attracted to them?”

“I don’t know,” Wen Qing says.

That shuts Jiang Cheng up. He looks at her, surprised. “What?” He asks.

“I don’t know,” she repeats. Her expression is so warm, so affectionate. “There are no easy answers, Jiang Cheng. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. But I think it’s a good sign that you thought so much about this. It’s clear that you care about them. So... I think you should ask them out. You clearly want to.”

“I do want to,” Jiang Cheng confesses. He puts a hand to his chest, and is startled to find that his heart is pounding. When did that happen?

Wen Qing leans over and gives him a peck on the cheek. “So ask them out,” she whispers.

Then, she rolls over, turns off the lamp on her side of the bed, and goes to sleep.

But Jiang Cheng stays awake for a little while longer. He listens to his heart beat, and replays the conversation they just had in his head.

His fears and concerns are still there. But somehow, they feel more manageable.

—

It takes three days for Jiang Cheng to work up the courage.

Finally, he texts Nie Huaisang and asks them to meet him for a morning coffee at a locally owned vegan cafe and bakery. He figures it’d be the kind of place that Nie Huaisang would enjoy.

Jiang Cheng choses a table near a window. It makes him feel a little less claustrophobic. And then he waits.

Nie Huaisang arrives right on time, orders a latte at the counter, and brings it with them to sit in the booth across from Jiang Cheng. The nerves are apparent in every move they make, every little twitch of their fingers conveying intense anxiety.

Jiang Cheng wants to sandwich those fingers between his warm palms, and make them stop trembling.

“Good morning,” Nie Huaisang says. It sounds like they tried to sound nonchalant, but instead they just wind up squeaking on the first syllable.

It’s endlessly endearing. Jiang Cheng rubs the back of his neck. “Hey,” he replies.

Nie Huaisang looks down at their latte, and the foam heart on top. They swirl the spoon, distorting the image. “This is a nice place,” they say, “Cozy, and vintage. How long have you been coming here?”

“This is my first time,” Jiang Cheng answers. He doesn’t want to talk about the cafe! But he doesn’t know how to shift topics smoothly.

“Oh,” Nie Huaisang says. They peek up through their feathered bangs. Today, they’re wearing an oversized striped sweater, almost long enough to be a dress, over some leggings. As always, they look incredible.

Jiang Cheng has long found himself uncomfortably enthralled by Nie Huaisang. Their sense of style is— well, Jiang Cheng doesn’t know anything about fashion, so he doesn’t have the right words to describe it. But whatever it is, it looks good. It looks better than good. Jiang Cheng often avoids looking directly at Nie Huaisang for that very reason. But now that he’s looking, he can’t look away.

Nie Huaisang fidgets nervously, no doubt uncomfortable being under the heat of Jiang Cheng’s stare. “So,” they say, “What... have you been up to?”

It’s obviously not what they had meant to ask. Jiang Cheng suddenly realizes that he’s being a total douche for letting this drag on for so long. And so he blurts out, “I wanted to talk about what we talked about at the wedding.”

Nie Huaisang startles. They avert their gaze, and then ask, “O-oh...?”

“You said you liked me,” Jiang Cheng says, and then wishes he didn’t. Surely Nie Huaisang knew what conversation he was talking about! He berates himself inwardly for a moment, and then continues, “I wanted... to ask you out on a date.”

Nie Huaisang audibly gasps. They put a hand to their mouth a second too late to muffle it. “What...?”

“To the zoo,” Jiang Cheng adds, “Uh, you like the zoo, right? You like animals.”

“I do,” Nie Huaisang confirms. Their voice is so very small. Clearly, they had not expected this outcome. “But... I’m confused. You said... you said you don’t like men?”

“You’re not a man,” Jiang Cheng points out.

That gets a huge smile from Nie Huaisang. It lights up the entire cafe. “I’m not,” they agree, with a breathless sort of glee choking their throat. But then, the smile falls. “But I’m not a girl, either.”

“I know,” Jiang Cheng says. He straightens his spine, and tries to channel a fraction of the courage Wen Qing possesses. “I still think I’m straight, but I want to take you out on a date anyway. Maybe that means I’m not really straight, but right now, I really don’t care. I just want to take you to the zoo. And maybe to dinner, afterwards.”

Nie Huaisang looks like they don’t quite believe him. But they nod. “Okay,” they murmur, “I’d like that.”

[howdoib]

Ectober Day 1: Shatter

This is a day late. Gonna have some misgendering, angst, and a bit of pain here; read at your own risk. I'm sorry humans.

Math class was boring. Obviously it was nice that he could get halfway through the class without being pulled away but what did it matter if everything seemed to be in a code he never had a chance to learn. This is ok he asserted, his jaw set solid, I have a teacher here to help me. His hand darted through the air, pushing past his own hesitance and reaching for the skies. 

And the teacher paused. She sighed.

"No Danny, you may not go to the restroom." Her tired voice heavy laden with surrender as she turned back to writing notes on the board. 

Danny's mouth opened, silently writhing in contrition and his hand slowly plummeted back down to earth. That's not the right response! A couple of kids laughed, turning to chatter slightly. His mouth closed. No! I want to, I need to be able to do this.

"Actually miss," Absently his hand rubbed his neck, "I was wondering if you could explain this?"

"I explained them yesterday. The day you missed." Her voice quivering with irritation, "Maybe if you showed up to class you wouldn't be so confused."

The class erupted into oohs and chuckles as she turned yet again to the board. Danny slumped further in his chair. This doesn't make any sense tough! I can't- I can't do this. They won't help me. His shoulders squared again.

"I'm glad you taught it yesterday," he shot back, his voice only slightly quavering "But I was hoping I could learn what it meant today?"

She started laughing, her face twisting slightly. "No I don't think you will. I really don't. You're never even here, you've breached the point where coming to school is even worth it. I'm not going to stall an entire lesson just because you like skipping class."

Once more the class exploded in on itself. Everyone was laughing, joking, chattering back and forth. Danny's heart skipped a beat abd his mouth opened again. This isn't a fight; she's on my side. Yet it didn't feel like it. It didn't feel like it at all. His shoulders sagged downwards and his head bowed down towards the desk. He could feel eyes focusing on him. Everything felt like it was imploding, the air biting him and his own body crushing his heart, his lungs. Why am I even here? Shivers breached his spine and a ghostly plume breached his mouth. 

He raised his hand again.

In the most defeated voice she replied. "What Danny."

His voice shook. "May I go to the restroom?"

"If you leave I'm calling security." Without even turning from the board.

His legs slowly slid around and he stood up, bag in hand. Giggles bred themselves into gossip as he walked silently to the front. The teacher didn't even turn. And, his throat bobbing and choking, he marched out the door. 

He stood there in the silent halls for a moment feet heavy and oh-so light in their numbness. Until without feeling, he made his way to the restroom to change. The halls were so quiet and empty feeling with only the occasional lonely student or patrolling teacher. 

"Where do you think you're going?" 

The chill of the halls became a burning inferno.

"To the bathroom." He said.

Without even turning he already knew it was George, the oldest and by far most lenient and friendly security guard. Danny heard him sigh. George was surely very disappointed; after all, everyone has their limits. Please just let me get past just this once. Just once. 

George sighed. "You and I both know that's not what's happening here kid." Danny didn't need to turn to see the reluctance in his face.

"Why don't we head up to the security office and talk about it?" 

Danny really really truly did not want that at all. What he wanted was to fight this ghost as fast as he could and not miss another class. To finally get everything under control. But he turned anyways; the old guard's face looked grieved, like he was hoping that this kid would take this treasured olive branch. Like this was his last chance on a chain of many before.

"Ok." 

George turned away, no longer facing him, beckoning for Danny to follow. His sense went off again, more insistent. His ears twitched at sounds just barely in range of hearing. It sounded like screams. George wasn't looking. He had to do this. Someone could be hurt. With his heart twisting in his chest and his stomach weighed down with rocks he let himself fade away.

The sky was clear and cold when he broke through the building. It bit his face. His head head felt on fire. Someone was in danger he had to-has to help. Sharp dust hit his face and stray wind streamed through his nose as he dove forward. 

His ears pounded and head burned. Green. There was green! He slid to a halt. It was Spectra. Fuck. This is just fucking fantastic.

"Spectra!" His voice rose a sarcastic octave- hand reaching to his mouth in fake shock "How are you??! Oh My God have I missed you."

Sharp claws thunked behind him.

"Wow it looks like you missed me too." The witty tone cracked halfway through and his eyes didn't quite crinkle as he smiled; he locked eyes with Spectra- daring her to point it out.

That was a mistake. He was slammed against the pavement as Bertrand with his black tail lashing pounced him. A claw went through his wrist. It burned.

"... Bertrand…" he gritted out "I guess everyone does want to be a cat."

There was no reaction.

"... Pickin up on that feline craze…?"

His voice seemed too high. "Cause a cat's the o-"

He gasped out. His side was bleeding.

"Ah yes, very witty remarks. I wonder if you feel quite so strong as you seem. " Spectra purred. Her rasping voice taunted his ears, her shadowy form curling about like a cloud of biting acid.

He felt his lip tremble. The pit in his stomach seemed deeper. I can't let her- She'll know. She always has. I just- What beat her through your obviously superior skill? Run away? Invisible and untouchable? I just-

"A cat got your tongue? No sharp retort?" Her voice lowed "I would've thought you'd fight harder-"

"... Technically a cat doesn't have my tongue.." Danny gasped out. Chest heaving and arms straining as he squirmed to get away from Bertrand.

"Perhaps that could be arranged. Where would you be after that little ghost child? Pray tell just what good are you then? A silent hero?" She cooed, "The town's great protector?" Her grin widened, laughing, mocking, "You can't even protect yourself."

"I can!" His voice shot back desperately.

"Really?" She tutted. "Do it now!?" Her eyes wide in false amazement. 

Danny struggled against the claws. His stomach spun. The air was choking him. They were laughing.

He opened his mouth. He didn't have anything to say. The pit in his stomach twisted. His eyes were stinging. No she's- She was right. There's no proof of that. Isn't there? Right now. No, jaw clenching and teeth grinding, people needed him.

His arms strained once more against Bertrand. The claw sunk deeper. Everything froze. 

"I was wondering," her voice set in mockong curiosity, "How exactly this heroing thing has turned out for you. Have people managed to forgive your…" her eyes glanced across him, nose wrinkling in disgust "... Flaws."

His face froze. "I don't know what your talking about."

"Oh of course, of course," dramatically swooping her voice, her laughing voice. "What flaws could you possibly have?"

Danny felt his gut drop. She knows. His stomach twisted tighter. Arms shook. I-

"Is it that you're not a boy? Not a ghost either. Certainly oh certainly not a boy. "Isn't that right Desmonda?" She gasped, drawing her hand to her mouth.

Then pit in his stomach shattered. His breathe drew clear again. Air rushed past his nose. He was laughing now.

"You.." Turning intangible he pushed himself through the pavement, beneath and away from the sharpened claws, "Didn't even get my deadname right!"

And with that he brought up the thermos, silencing her and Bertrand for about… Well, however long until he emptied the thermos. Maybe I should just leave them there forever. 

He flew back to the school. The security guard would be mad, he knew. There was another detention in his future. Tomorrow he might secure his binder too tight and just maybe cry in the mirror. But for now. The lunch bell had just rang and He needed to tell Tucker and Sam about how Spectra said the dumbest shit ever. The next? It could wait. Just for a bit.

[sillymeter]

oh my GOD i cannot believe i have to hold your hand and walk you through this. let’s break this down piece by fucking piece since clearly you cant think for yourself @ace-altair​ here’s the image im referring to

i dont know what some of these refer to and some of these are just borderline free spaces because blah blah stereotype. fucking whatever just say you think we dont have personalities. - emotional just say you think we’re all hysterical and leave. fucking freak - accidentally fell for a straight girl what does this mean. what does this fucking mean. anyone can have a crush on anyone. why is this in here.  - keysmash once again just say you all think we sit around going SWGHHAGBHJG and thinking about girls.  - watches lesbian tiktoks ah yes suck up to the corporation why don’t you. i don’t watch these tiktoks nor do i go on tiktok so idk what exactly this is talking about but. you know. - overuses heart emojis i dont really know what to say to this one. cant explain why this makes me mad. too tired. - can’t sit right LOLL SO QUIRKY!!!! LOLLL!  - girl in red i think the quotes mean someone else is asking this. why is this here. who fucking cares. its music. - short nails idk what to say to this one. i really am bewildered why you would put this on here. puzzling me. its not bad or anything i don’t think it’s just a weird thing to say. - wears flannels i 100% bet the only exposure you’ve had to lesbian culture is popular ( FOR SOME REASON ) tumblr posts about wearing flannel in the fall and going pumpkin picking with your girlfriend or some fucking thing. it’s clothes. it’s just clothes. - wears vans / converse ties directly in with the flannels thing. you forgot to add “wears a beanie” go ahead complete the “i don’t think they have actual styles and opinions, what do you mean they’re real people” trio. go ahead. - HNGGG- WOMEN PRETTY if i met you i would spit directly on your face. (also leaving out nonbinaries in this. i see you ) - thought you were bi once again, if i met you i would spit on you. identities can change over time. this is such a shitty thing to put on this. - can’t drive *spits on you.* go ahead and say you think we’re all stupid people who can’t think for ourselves and all we do is sit around thinking about women, crytyping, keysmashing, and spamming heart emojis in our vans and sipping starbucks. i fucking despise you - types only in lowercase BUT NOT WHEN WE’RE SCREAMING!! OMG!!! QUIRKY!! LOL!!! Sorry to say I don’t type like a proper person. Is this better?  - will fight homo-phobes something something aggressive lesbian stereotype. just say you think we’re brainless animals already i’m tired of waiting to hear you explain it and you refuse to or direct me to something completely fucking different - awkward flirt sorry you think we’re all shy widdle wesbians who can’t talk to girls without keysmashing. hope your brain gets better soon anyway thats kind of all i have to say about those in specific. let’s get into the general shittiness. - you don’t mention nonbinary people in this at all. in fact, you go OUT of your way to only mention girls. - you treat us like (shocker!) a stereotype. which is exactly what these cards do, and you shouldn’t have made them in the first place. horrible move on your part. really a bad idea. OHHH BUT IM NOT DONE YET! let’s get into the nonbinary bingo so you can understand why i want to yell at you so bad

- is out irl not all of us live in safe situations.

- “that’s not real!?” - “what’s in your pants?” - “there’s only two genders!!” - “are you a boy/girl?” - always misgendered why are all the gender bingo cards about being misgendered or having horrible things said to you? what the fuck makes you think anyone would want to hear this? genuinely why are the gender bingo cards so fucking centered around suffering? - masc/femme ( isnt femme a lesbian term? like specifically a lesbian term? i’m very tired and i might be remembering wrong.) - name is a noun - has short hair - wears a binder/bra - uses they/them - has anxiety - plans to/ takes HRT - andro-gynous - uses neo-pronouns - dyed hair ohh it’s all just a fucking nightmare isn’t it. some people are comfortable with their fucking bodies you freak. im relatively fine with mine but this card actually made me feel like i was doing something wrong for a moment because i didn’t hate my body enough. fuck you. fuck you from the bottom of my heart.  you’re completely incapable of thinking of nonbinary people as anything other than someone (skinny and white, most likely) wearing a binder with a dyed undercut. people fucking exist.  i can’t really talk much on this topic because i grew up in a very toxic western culture and i am white, but there are other cultures where nonbinary people are a thing. this isn’t a western-crafted identity, and you are treating it like one. that is horrible. EDIT: adding more to this. your view of nonbinary people is very eurocentric and westernized. that’s what i meant.  - is an artist wah wah im gonna write poetry/paint about how much i hate my body wah wah. fuck you. what a weird thing to put in a bingo space - listens to cavetown once again. these bingo cards were a fucking horrible idea. why would you ever make bingo cards from stereotypes. what is wrong with you? i might add onto this later. im tired and have not slept in a long time. these cards made me very very angry at myself because i was worried i was doing something wrong, for some reason. stereotypes are harmful.

[roseamongroses]

Antithesis (4): “these are a few of my favorite things”

Summary: For their Junior project, Roman is unceremoniously paired with Dmitri.

He’s hardly interacted with the guy, a strange occurrence since Virgil has had a weird/unexplained hate-hate relationship with him since middle-school. But it isn’t like he’s complaining. Dmitri’s cute, he compliments Roman, and damn can he paint.So Roman may or may not catch feelings, and he may not be wiling to uncatch them anytime soon.

–Dmitri returns the sentiment.

[General Warnings:] Misgendering, Past Misgendering, Past Bullying, Mild Sexual Content,  implied emotional abuse, Cursing[Tags/mood:] highschool au, project troupe, fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men[Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters] Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana)

(1)(2)(3) (4) (5)

Rem: im sorry patton but no, absolutely not, unfriended, blocked, deleted

Patton: :( But I’m right tho

Rem: the day i accept that is the day i wilingingly give up my crop tops for a sensible polo shirts, cargo shorts, boat shoes, and white socks

Ro: patton hon is he being mean? do i need to get rid of him?

Rem: IVE KNOWN YOU LONGER, SINCE WE WERE BUT BABS , I SHOULD BE HIGHER ON THAT PRIORITY LIST BUCKO

Rem: plus you wont be all knight in shining armor once you find out patton thinks flordia is apart of the south (™)

Ro: …..

Ro: patton you’re blocked.

Patt: D:

V: sorry im never anti patton, you fake friend

V:I mean he’s not technically wrong?

V: the redneck culture does exist here, we have relatively similar dialects, similar weather

Patt: !!!!

Ro: patt the day i actually block you is the day the moon does like it does in umbrella academy, but v you’re on thin fucking ice

V: bitch i broke the ice years ago, you only unblocked me cause mom told you to

Rem: spOILERS

Ro: shhhh

Ro: and the GRACE PERIOD WAS OVER LAST YEAR YOU OLD MAN

Rem: I TAKE MY TIME OK

Ro: excuses excuses

V: so im assuming i won this arguement for patt right?

Ro: no. and like legit v that only applies to like,,,,parts of flordia,,,the northern part mainly but like only parts

Ro: flordia might be similar but like,,,,it's historically, culturally, geographically, and politically different then other states that are called southern states,,, t

Ro: just asked a southern boy bout it he said, “fuck no, it's a spanish colony,”

V:what about Texas huH

Ro: Texas was a whole ass country at one point, texas still acts like it’s a country, Texas is whatever Texas wants to be

V: I wish I could annex myself from this class work

Lo: God, mood.

---

“Oh, I could kiss you,” Roman said, as soon as Dmitri turned around to hand him the icecream cone. The stand was small, the old lady running it, giving them a cheerful goodbye.

When Dmitri said the museum wasn’t stuffy, it was quite literally outside. Seashell decorated pathways stretched and weaved through elaborate gardens.

Everywhere was a sight to behold, from the blossom of flowers dripping every color imaginable to trees that might as well have been sprawling giants, often dipping into the path way in a tangled, ivies creeping up it's weathered branches. In the midsts of it all, sculptures were effortlessly woven into the park, abstract student projects and places of memory creating almost a cohesive story amongst the beautiful chaos.

“Dee, when I said take me anywhere,” Roman licked his ice cream greedily, “I thought we’d go to like a starbucks- not a park more attractive than anyone I’ve ever seen.”

“So the way to your heart is food and pretty things?” Dmitri smiled.

“You bet your ass it is,” Roman said, leading them down a trail with less people, “My first crush was on this dude who gave me a seashell, I went home and told Momma and Mom I wanted marriage.”

Dmitri sipped his own water, “Do you still have it?”

“Of course, it was a gift, ” Roman hummed, “‘Bout cried when I got it,” He looked up to see Dmitri staring at him, “What? Do I have something on my face?”

Dmitri didn’t look away, “No, you just don’t have the right to be so fuckin’ adorable.” He said as if fact.

“How is me being a a hoarding goblin adorable?” Roman said, suddenly very conscious that he did not in fact want Dmitri to stop looking at him, but also very much aware that he might combust if Dmitri didn’t stop.

“Huh, are you embarrassed again?” Dmitri laughed, voice pleasant. “My aunt never keeps anything I gave her, it’s nice that you do...” He explained.

“Oh.”

—-

<3BestofMoms<3: Ro, do we need anything at the store?

R: v sent a list through notes this morning

<3BestofMoms<3: Okay, found it, thanks <3

R: np <3

<3BestofMoms<3: Are you going to be back for dinner or is that boy gunna be hogging you all day? I'm not quite sure he has earned the gift that is all day roman time

R:mommmm

<3BestofMoms<3: :)

---

As the sun stretched across the sky, the two had wandered into the more shadowed parts of the park. Roman’s initial giddiness slipping in a more lethargic satisfaction as he explored as much as he could, Dmitri’s eagerness to show him around and introduce him to the park’s employees hardly faltering.

Dmitri glanced at the time, “You ready to head back?”

Roman was crouched, admiring the tiny statues of walking fish, “No, I want to live here,” he said, “But why? Does she need you to do something?” He fumbled with the buttons of his shirt as he stood up, because dammit, clothes are hard and the sun is hot, okay?

“No, she thinks I’m studying for a class I told her I dropped, ” He said, “You just seem tired.”

“I am no--” Roman scrunched his nose, “The fuck, Dmitri, I am tired.” he narrowed his eyes, “How did you know that, I didn’t even know that.”

Dmtir made a show of looking Roman up and down, “I just knew,” He did not elaborate, and Roman made a sound that was vaguely alarmed in nature.

“V was right, you’re the worst, won’t even teach me your fancy magic tricks,” Roman grumbled, taking Dmitri's hand, and tucking himself under their arm.

“Somebody's grumpy, you sure you don’t want me to take you home?”

“I’m sure,” Roman, swayed a bit, “We don’t even need to stay here...”

He sighed, “I don’t know you seem pretty….”

“Dm-itri,” Roman murmured slow, with a half smile, and Dmitri’s mouth dried.

“Roman…”

“Please?”

“You’re practically falling over yourself,” Dmitri said, “You know we can always come back?”

Roman’s eyes perked up at that, “It's a date.” he said, and Dmitri couldn’t stop himself from flushing and looking away. 

He liked that a bit too much.

!!!taglist!!!

@daflangstlairde

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 149: Villain Island

Previously on BnHA: Twice confronted Nighteye with a clone of Rappa. Nighteye proceeded to beat his ass using rubber seal stamps, incidentally revealing his surprisingly cut washboard abs. Night then blasted away part of Twice’s mask, forcing Twice to retreat in a panic. His personality disorder started to get the better of him, but then Toga showed up and tied a bandana around the missing part of his mask, and it calmed him down and was also the sweetest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Twice briefly flashbacked to the League of Villains meeting when Tomura announced that Togawice would be lent out to the Eight Precepts. Twice was against this because it turns out he feels responsible for introducing Overhaul to the League and getting Magne killed (and Compress maimed, but no one cares about him). Toga wasn’t keen on it either, but Tomura somehow won them both over by smiling and making it seem like he had a plan in the works. Whether he actually does is anyone’s guess, but damned if it wasn’t convincing. Anyway, so now Toga and Twice are fed up with the Precepts’ general incompetence, though, and are ready to turn on them. And I’ve never been so excited for a plot twist in my whole damn life.

Today on BnHA: Flashback!Overhaul meets Togawice for the first time and asks them about their quirks. The Precepts then ask if Tomura plans on betraying them, and Twice and Toga are all, “[shifty eyed glance] nope, nothing to see here. no impending betrayals on our end, no sirree.” This apparently is good enough for Overhaul, who asks them to sit tight and wait for further orders. Back in the present, Irinaka makes one last-ditch effort to crush the remaining heroes in his accursed hallway. However, Toga gets him to reveal his true body, and Deku and Aizawa immediately attack. With Aizawa having finally neutralized his quirk, Irinaka is detained. We then cut to Mirio, with time rewinding back to show what happened immediately after he went forward on his own and caught up with Overhaul.

But the real star of this chapter is the omake at the end. Kurogiri takes it upon himself to improve solidarity among the League by taking them all on a mandatory outing to an uninhabited island to engage in a survival trial. Tomura spends the entire time lounging on a couch, Dabi unleashes his inner Bear Grylls, Toga steals a bikini, and tbh I kind of wish we could get an entire manga series of just this. But we’ll just have to settle for these four pages, I guess.

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 178, now. If I’d known yesterday’s Superbowl would end up somehow being more boring than this entire arc, I would have never bothered taking the day off. But, well, hindsight.)  

no, I don’t mind at all

by the way what exactly is going on here with Twice and these handcuff-looking things that I’m not actually sure are handcuffs. because that cord looks more like an earjack cord. but why is it coming from the bracelet like that. I basically have so many questions about this image, and am now also more closely examining exactly why Twice chose a skintight bodysuit as his villain costume

(ETA: I have no excuse. he’s fought with them before and everything; I just never noticed.)

more villain flashbacks!!

but this time it’s T&T introducing themselves to the Eights

“I’m never gonna forgive you, so it’s a pleasure to be working with you” ahaha. classic Twice. this is the kind of iconic bullshit that I’m reading this manga for

Overhaul’s apologizing for killing Magne and says he didn’t want to

but if you really felt that way you could have easily put her back together again, you sociopath

oh my god look at this though??!

holy shit. so she really is another canon trans character, and it’s treated seriously too. I mean, obviously it’s not perfect, and it also sucks that she got killed off, but I’m so used to LGBT manga characters being treated as comedic relief at best, so this frank statement of “hey you misgendered my friend, get it right” and it being totally serious is actually really refreshing

also what is Viz going to do when they get to this chapter. most likely change it up entirely I’ll bet. fucking Viz

anyway, so Twice is all “so now what” and Overhaul says he and Toga just have to follow his orders

he’s also asking for the details of their quirks

but Toga is all “we’ll tell you if and when it’s needed because fuck you”, and have I mentioned I love her???

but holy shit though

bud. are you like, okay. jesus christ

so Twice has decided he hates this and he’s not going to say anything

so naturally the very next thing he does is explain his quirk in great detail!!

holy shit this is an unexpected info dump

once again Horikoshi is all “I see your questions and I will answer them in due time.” so it was a tape measure!! has he had these this whole time?

just went back and checked. yes he has. unbelievable

still waiting on an explanation for that skintight bodysuit though

some of this goes against what we previously knew about his quirk, though. this is the first time a two-thing limit has been brought up, and that seems to go against the whole Calvin and Hobbes “I made a bunch of clones of myself” thing that we know he did way back when (and which he’s also referencing here, as I assume it’s the reason he no longer makes copies of himself). maybe the limit only applies to things/people that aren’t him?

this reminds me a lot of Momo’s quirk in that he needs to know a lot about the object before duplicating it. which means he’s definitely a lot more intelligent than he sometimes comes off as

I mentioned a couple chapters ago that Toga is extremely intelligent as well, and now I’m wondering if Tomura realizes just how lucky he is to have all these smart crazy people on his side. we’ve seen the quality of Overhaul’s own followers, by contrast, and the League most definitely has them beat

anyway! so Toga’s staring at Twice in annoyance for going off like that right after she made a big deal of not telling Overhaul anything

she says he made her look stupid

OMG YESSSS so now she’s going into the details of her own quirk after all omggggg

look at the damn hoops Horikoshi’s making himself jump through all because he made the decision not to do any villain bios. well it’s your own damn fault

I’m starting to understand why Deku keeps all these notebooks

the bit about the transformation time being proportionate to the amount of blood she consumes is extremely interesting and relevant, and now it makes sense why she had that weird gizmo to suck as much blood as possible

I would estimate she got maybe a cup of Ochako’s blood, so we can assume she can transform into her for up to 1 day if needed. but as for Deku, we saw in chapter 114 that she only managed to get like a couple drops worth

one drop is about .05 ml, which is about .0002 cups. so she can transform into Deku for .04% of one day unless I fucked that math up (which is highly possible)

what is that, like a couple seconds?? because if so, holy shit but I’ve been vastly overestimating her ability to wreak mindbendy havoc on our heroes

also does she have to drink the blood right before the transformation for best results? if she drinks someone’s blood but then doesn’t transform into that person right away, does she eventually lose the ability even if she doesn’t transform into them? or can she store that “energy” and use it whenever she likes?

basically this is awesome to be getting so much information here, but now if anything I’ve just got more questions

(ETA: for real. either I really did calculate that wrong, or she got more of Deku’s blood than I thought, or Horikoshi is the one that fucked up the math lol. oh well, it’s easy enough to just shrug and go along with it)

anyway! I almost forgot there was still a chapter going on

so now Overhaul’s henchman is casually asking if Tomura is planning to betray them. well duh

very convincing. well done

anyway, Overhaul seems satisfied for the time being, but he’s telling them they’ll have to stay in the underground HQ until they receive their orders from him. so basically house arrest

and now he’s leaving and Mimic is having a total power trip

seriously dude, simmer down

he’s babbling on about the yakuza getting revenge and “taking back society’s reins from the shadows” and fulfilling the dream of their bedridden boss

and now I think we’re back in the present

and this lil fellow is, as you’ll recall, the guy who’s currently controlling all the shifty walls of the underground HQ while all hopped up on quirk-enhancers

Toga and Twice are having a conversation mid-somersault about how they’re gonna let the heroes take out the Precepts for them. I think

meanwhile Aizawa is asking Deku if he also heard the crazy voice coming from the walls which is, as Deku surmises, Irinaka’s voice

ohhhh I see, if they can pinpoint where the voice is coming from then they can find Irinaka’s real body and like punch him until he quits being an asshole and dragging out the arc with his stupid quirk

do you know, I just realized that basically this entire thing is his fault, and just like that he’s my least favorite character. that’s right. you beat out Stain and even Mineta, because Mineta only ever hijacks like a page or two at a time at most. certainly not a dozen chapters in one go

but anyway, the voice is echoing too much for them to pinpoint it

meanwhile the cops are freaking out because they’re about to get crushed

I can’t figure out why Mimic didn’t just actually crush them all to begin with and be done with it. unless it’s just that he didn’t want the full force of the law bearing down on their organization and seeking justice for dozens of cop murders

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS TOGA IS TAKING MATTERS INTO HER OWN HANDS

NEVER SEND A BUNCH OF SO-CALLED HEROES TO DO A VILLAIN’S JOB

HOLY SHIT WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW. IRINAKA IS SCREAMING INCOMPREHENSIBLY AND DEKU SEEMS TO HAVE HEARD IT AND IS NOW RUSHING TOWARD THE SOURCE OF THE NOISE

AHHHHH DID HE DO IT???

I CAN’T TELL IF HE GOT HIM. SURELY THAT SMASH WASN’T JUST FOR SHOW

OH MY GODDDDD

YESSSSSSSSSSSS

AND T&T ARE WAVING AT HIM GLEEFULLY AS HE FALLS

I LOVE EVERYTHING HOLY SHIT

the amount of relief I’m feeling right now can accurately be described as “overwhelming” and it’s amazing

because he’s SUCH A GOOD FUCKING PERSON, Deku is catching Irinaka as he falls, because this is BnHA where a fall from a great height onto a bunch of rocks actually will kill you

and please tell me the rooms are back to normal now omg

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

THANK YOU MANGA GODS

HOLY SHIT!!!!!

MIRIOOOOOOOOOO

holy shit. holy fucking shit, finally. finally

FLYING SOLO AGAINST THE FINAL BOSS HOLY SHIT

so is this the part where we find out Mirio is fucking dead omg. holy shit. but you know what, I don’t even care, because we’re finally up to the good stuff and no more bullshit. I feel another binge coming on

  BONUS:

 oho, what’s this? “special jump outing”?

I don’t know where to fucking start omg

first of all, I’ve actually been impressed with their solidarity thus far so this is news to me

second, I can’t with how their idea of team bonding is “let’s build a house from scratch together on an uninhabited island”

third KUROGIRI WHAT ARE YOU WEARING

cutie

I swear to god if they keep up these antics I’m downgrading their name from “League of Villains” to “Villain Squad Jr.”

Tomura is trying to remind us all that he’s For Reals Evil but idk

on the one hand, we actually have seen this guy kill a man with his bare hands. but on the other hand, it was revenge for Magne, and he hasn’t killed anyone else that I can think of, aside from probably his parents by accident

and also my favorite of all the villains is the only one who is for sure a psychotic serial killer, so it could just be that I don’t actually care

so Kuro is telling Tomura to be less strange, and announcing that the first order of business is to secure a water source

are you telling me you came to this random island to build a house and you don’t even know where you’re building it yet

and now there appears to have been some kind of cut, and Tomura is drinking ginger ale. fucking ginger ale. you’re not evil at all, are you

I can’t believe I was actually worried about what these guys might do to Bakugou if they kept him. their idea of torture is probably less fingernail-pulling and more “let’s make him watch a bunch of Kay Jewelers commercials until he cracks.” which to be fair would break me pretty quickly

(ETA: although Tomura did get pretty hardcore there with Overhaul at the end! but I mean, Overhaul was a total prick you guys. that doesn’t count)

and now he’s tied Kurogiri to a tree and is just making him warp over whatever they need

everyone please look at this panel of Dabi wearing overalls

“unexpectedly into it”

this is the most damning evidence yet that he’s definitely related to Shouto

you go Dabi. I feel like he’s learned all about how to survive on a tropical island by like watching Moana a bunch of times or something

consider the coconut, consider its tree, we use each part of the coconut, that’s all we neeeeed

meanwhile Tomura is reading a magazine on a couch on the beach

Toga is wading in the ocean and her overalls got wet so she’s changing into a bikini

did we ever confirm she was really responsible for those serial murders. it could have been someone else. you never know

anyway she stole the bikini and Kurogiri is acting all shocked like “omg this girl really stole a bikini” but like. what else is she gonna do. pay for it like a normal person

don’t tell me you guys were actually legitimately leasing that bar this whole time. Kurogiri probably actually had his liquor license

so Toga is legit frolicking, and Tomura is playing a PSP or something. with the hand still on his face. how can you even see the screen

and now Dabi has caught them all lazing about and he’s throwing a fit

he’s even doing teamwork

now he’s lecturing Dabi on what’s really important

I think they probably would have turned off the Kay Jewelers commercials after like five of them or so and been all “okay I hope you learned your lesson.” and then if he still didn’t want to join them they would have been all “fine then but it’s your loss” and given him a ginger ale and sent him back home

so now Kurogiri is rescinding all rules and letting them all do their thing

Villain Squad Jr. it’s fucking official

and that’s the end of the strip. but the bonus material is still continuing because FA has been doing these translations of the character book! and the next page is amazing oh my god

YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, IN THE FUTURE WHEN I INEVITABLY START TO WRITE FANFIC ABOUT THIS STUPID ADDICTIVE SERIES THIS IS A FUCKING REFERENCE GOLDMINE

right away I feel like a good 75% of fanfics are slightly off because U.A. has compulsory Saturday classes. say goodbye to your weekend getaway antics

they don’t actually have much homeroom time with Aizawa in the morning. what subject does he actually teach? I need someone to tell me, I refuse to believe Horikoshi hasn’t established this in canon by now. it’s probably somewhere in this very book

(ETA: I STILL NEED TO KNOW THIS. I’M STILL GOING TO INSIST IT’S ART IF HORIKOSHI DOESN’T CORRECT ME)

anyway, that’s it for today, but that was awesome. on I go to chapter 150

[tumblunni]

Man that post is so depressing too cos it shows off how cis people are so obsessed with heavily gendering baby clothes even when the kid is like two months old and barely even has any hair yet. Ive legit seen a goddamn advert for 'little princess stick-ems' or whateber the damn name was, a brand of temporary sticky-back plastic bows and flowers and stuff you can glue to thr head of your bald daughter to make sure everyone knows shes a daughter because HEAVEN FORBID! And its so fuckin creepy how the heteronormativity bullshit for these kids clashes with this 'how dare a baby with no tertiary gender characteristics not have any tertiary gender characteristics' thing to give those gross ass situations where those strangers were sexualizing a young boy under the assumption he's a girl. Like the same damn people who are all 'two male children having crushes on each other is horrible and sexual' were literally SAYING EXACTLY THAT about those two boys who showed zero interest in each other, just because if one of them was a girl it wouod SOMEHOW be okay?? And oh god the extra sexualized coments that creepy person was saying about the presumed-female kid, oh GOD! Why are you conplimenting someone on having a toddler with well defined thighs??? How in the actual fuck. And i bet that creepy person probably left the room thinking that the other parent was the pervert for simply letting their kid wear some generic comfy baby clothes that werent Super Heterosexual In Every Way. Like "how dare they trick me into imposing my creepy pedophilia for literal two day old girls onto a BOY too!" How in the fuck do these people exist and manage to get away with all this shit. Heteronormative stereotypes i guess...

Also i've gotta give a thumbs up to that nice parent in the conversation who was trying to raise their kid neutrally and make sure that when they became old enough to talk theyd know that their family would accept them if they came out as not cis. Its just a shame that its so hard to do stuff like that when society is the way it is, it gets seen as forcing transness onto a child to just..not force cisness onto a child. *sigh* i really fuckin hate how any time any famous celebrity kid makes any sort of non straight decision in their life their parents get slandered by the press as if they forced the kid to be trans by NOT PUNISHING THEM FOR BEING TRANS. So many horrible 'oh what a dangerous mom you should take her kids away eww look she forced her poor son to wear a dress' type tabloids and then wheb you get to the actual source of the original interview uts always "my daughter says she's my daughter and i went out to support her by buying her new gender affirming clothes." Or 'yes my son still identofies as male but i want to be a good parent who doesnt push gender stereotypes, so i'm letting him know its okay to have 'girly' fashion sense if thats what he likes best'. Its always a roulette between 'is this an actual trans person who's beibg misgendered or just some kid who was caught wearing eyeliner once and everyone is assumibg he's trans?" And either way its just so horrible and degrading, i feel so bad for those kids who confessed to their parents about something thet were really worried about and then their parents were open and welcoming and helped cheer them up by buying some nice new fashion and then a fuckin tabloid comes along like 'fuck u that kid SHOULD be ashamed, we're gonna not only throw them back into the pit of self hatred but call child protection services on you for daring to be a good mother!'

Can we just fuckin ban cis straight people from forcibg any sort of opinion onto kids. "Wah but if a kid even sees a trans thing even once its somehow forcing them to be trans yet me following them around yelling YOU ARE A CIS GIRL YOUR BUTT IS SEXY UR GONNA BE FUCKED BY SO MANY MEN at a goddamn toddler is somehow completely okay'

God the internet pisses me off sometimes

[mx-bright-sky]

1-30 GO GO GO

1. What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? I’m a grayromantic lesbian ace, who is also agender (nb), and my pronouns are they/them 

2. answered in a singular ask

3. Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it? Well, I’m... to be honest, not really full out of the closet on the agender thing, I just usually try to dress as gender neutral as I can, but it still happens obviously. I hate it when people refer to me as the wrong pronouns but i’m just kind of used to it I guess. On the OTHER hand, when people irl use they/them pronouns my heart LITERALLY explodes from love and gratitude.

4. Who was the first person you told, how did they react? I can’t remember who I told first. I mean, the grayromantic lesbian thing was DEF my two bffs bc they were LITERALLY right there when I was having my crush crisis of “do I just want to be friends really bad or do I have a big ass gay crush on this cute gorl” They just found it amusing, never questioned it, and support me

5. Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel? For most people irl I don’t talk about the grayro/ace part, but other than that I am. VERY open about liking girls, pretty much. Catch me sayin “god i wish i had a gf” so often, or makin a joke about “i’m gay/not straight” every other sentence ahsdjkfljaskd; it feels nice though because it’s just... being myself and not hiding away. embracing it.

6. If you’re out how did your parents/guardians/friends react? Well, with my parents it’s like a lot of other people, they only REALLY know about the liking girls thing. They’re okay with that and don’t make a big deal about it. On the other hand, I’ve... tried to talk to my mom about how I don’t feel like a girl, but she... doesn’t really listen to that part. 

7. What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality? “Oh, ace? So you just don’t like to fuck?”

8. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear. What’s comfortable, which, for me, is pretty much just jeans and various T-shirts (and in winter/late fall/early spring, a jacket).

9. Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships? fuckin uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shinmido babey. todoiimido also good.

10. What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any? outside of a handful of “special occasions” I have only ever worn makeup as stage makeup for being in a play or musical. So for me it means. Theater. But if I were to choose to wear makeup outside of drama it would just be eyeliner for that Dramatic Wing and eyeshadow for the COLORS!! and face paint for cute decorations to be Extra(TM)

11. Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? ahjdsklfhjdsklj nb dysphoria is weird because it’s like, “i litcherally want to be completely androgynous in a way that confuses the fuck out of everyone”. If I could have a flat chest,, that’d be NICE

12. answered in a singular ask

13. What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? The sense of community! Is that redundant? I just like the Solidarity(TM)

14. What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community? ace discourse. I wish it didn’t have to be a thing. no further comment.

15. Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not? I don’t even know if my city has a pride event, but if there is one I haven’t gone. I’m not a big party person

16. Who is your favourite lgbt+ icon/advocate/celebrity? Hatsune Miku(TM)

17. Have you ever been in a relationship and how did you meet? I sorta/kinda/I guess went out with someone when I thought I was bi, but... really we didn’t do relationship-y stuff, and pretty much we were just friends and didn’t know how to do romantic stuff. We broke up (HE broke up with ME over TEXT MESSAGE, the BITCH) but now that we look back on it, it was kinda dumb and we’ve moved on and we’re still friends. but OTHER than that, I have never been in an actual relationship before

18. What is your favourite lgbt+ book? I mean, it’s not centrally lgbt+, but hey uhhh in Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard, the main character is bi/pan and in a relationship with a genderfluid person and it’s fucking amazing

19. Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened? hhhhhhhhhhh one time I got in an argument with someone over an unrelated post, and in the tags they wrote “christ I just saw their url, I’m dealing with a monster” and I realized they were talking about the nb part and that. Really hurt.

20. Your Favorite lgbt+ movie movie or show? Love, Simon was really good

21. Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers? All my mutuals babey, xoxo

22. Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim? I sometimes use queer as a label but not really often. It’s not that I have a problem with it, I just don’t use it often (mostly bc. other people usually have a problem with it)

23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it? Nope, have not. to be fair. i just graduated high school.

24. answered in a solo ask

25. Are you interested in having children? Why or why not? NO children for me. I have never really wanted children. Part of it is dysphoria. 

26. What identity advice would you give your younger self? “you do not like guys, you do not like guys, quit convincing yourself you do, that’s just the heteronormativity speaking. Also, gender doesn’t exist”

27. What do you think of gender roles in relationships? Dumb. just do stuff for each other without making it about gender (as in, one party HAS to do this bc that’s the MAN’S/WOMAN’S job)

28. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender? gender norms are fucking weird who came up with this bs

29. What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+? it may seem like we’re “shoving it in your face” but we actually have every right to be proud of who we are because the world spent so much time trying to tell us to be ashamed

30. Why are you proud to be lgbt+? because it’s who I am babey!

[thaumaturtles]

Epilogue Thoughts

So, I finished the epilogues at around 11 AM on 4/21 and spent the better part of today mulling over it internally. Overall, I think I liked ‘em. Don’t get me wrong, they were brutal and tragic and ripped my heart out, but this is my garbage and I’m allowed to enjoy it. I was planning on liveblogging the epilogues but constantly pausing to jot down my feelings detracted from the overall experience. This is probably gonna be pretty scattershot, since I have neither the ability nor the desire to order my thoughts properly. Now, without any further preamble, let’s get into it.

Jane

 A lot of people said they didn’t like the treatment of Jane in the epilogues, and, fair enough, she was pretty awful and Crocker stans have every right to be pissed. But to anyone saying it came out of left field or didn’t make sense, I’d have to disagree (for the most part). Jane was brainwashed by the Condesce for the first 16 years of her life, and we see the effects of this when she goes Crockertier. She’d almost certainly have baked-in presumptions about how trolls were “meant to be” (ie super violent) even before she was consciously aware that trolls as a race existed. Jane was also always really in denial about having been brainwashed by the Condesce and I can definitely see adult Jane flat-out refusing to do any self-analysis and just assume there are no remaining effects of the brainwashing and she’s “totally cured” now or whatever. Jane’s also not super progressive? Like the conversation where she discovers Dirk has a crush on Jake and that Jake might even reciprocate was pretty uncomfortable to experience, and she starts a business on Earth C even though there’s no real need for corporations in a world with infinite resources. This shows that she’s still stuck in the belief that capitalism is inherently good/necessary for no reason other than “it’s what i grew up with.” All in all I could totally see Jane as someone who’d grow up to become xenophobic and have this colonizer mentality of “I have to regulate the Other because they’re not capable of functioning without me”

As for the non-consensual/rapey stuff... I’m actually not gonna touch that shit with a six-foot pole. The narrative is very explicit in the fact that Jane is an abusive partner and what she’s doing Is Bad, but like if she’s your favourite character you probably aren’t going to be all gung ho about seeing her do all the things that she did, which were admittedly very upsetting to read. I completely understand if you couldn’t read past those parts because they were pretty rough.

The Epilogues do get pretty unpleasant to read though :/

The Epilogues are highly antagonistic towards Homestuck’s readers. This is a fact. Whether this is a good or bad thing is up to interpretation, but it is at the very least not a new thing. Listen to Kate Mitchell of the Perfectly Generic Podcast and YouTuber OptimisticDuelist for more in-depth analysis than I could possibly provide on this, but one of Lord English’s greatest weapons is his ability to get people not to care about Homestuck, or even better, to revile it. That’s what the aspect of Rage represents: Plot Contrivance. As Karkat says,

THERE ARE OUTCOMES THAT ARE EVEN WORSE THAN THE COMPLETE ANNIHILATION OF EXISTENCE ITSELF. FORCES MORE DAMAGING TO THE INTEGRITY OF REALITY THAN THOSE CAPABLE OF TURNING IMAGINATION INTO PURE VOID. THEY ARE FORCES WHICH IF HANDLED RECKLESSLY WILL NULLIFY THE BASIC ABILITY OF INTELLIGENT BEINGS IN ALL REAL AND HYPOTHETICAL PLANES OF EXISTENCE TO GIVE A SHIT.

This is repeated, by Hussie himself no less, later on during his smug self-insert, found here. After Hussie dies and loses control of the narrative, LE is free to try his hardest to get you, the reader, not to give a shit. Rose, in the Epilogue’s Prologue, says that if people stop caring about Homestuck, reality as they know it will break apart, which is exactly in line with LE’s plans. So the fact that the Epilogues are very hostile towards the reader is basically par for the course. That said, I can see how it kinda sounds like I’m being all “oh it’s SUPPOSED to be shitty you wouldn’t underSTAND,” but that’s. literally what’s happening. and there’s evidence for it in the text.

Of course, in the past, when the narrative would pull things like this it would be under the guise of, say, Homosuck, which is very obviously meant to be bad and is presented in a fun, satirical way. The Epilogues, on the other hand, are downright upsetting. They’re presented in a much grittier light, which can obfuscate to what degree it’s Actually A Joke, if it even is a joke in any capacity. The fact that they’re tragic, though, should not be seen as evidence that they’re bad.

Some stuff I Liked

Both routes had some really top-notch interactions in them. A lot of folks seem to be overlooking how genuinely good the writing was. I said the phrase, “they’ve still got it” ALOUD to myself once or twice because the dialogue really did have that good ole Homestuck Charm. The Dave/Karkat/Jade interactions early on in Candy (before everything went to shit) were pretty great, as was basically everything that came out of English’s mouth. I dunno who the Antiquities Consultant was, but they did an excellent job at mirroring Jake’s usual speech pattern. I find that a lot of people, when writing Jake, just kinda throw in as many random old-timey words as possible and as a result it feels kinda disjointed, but the writing team for the epilogues managed to make him feel very... would light be a good way to put it? Sort of airheaded I guess. Just very goofy idk

We got to see Rosemary and they were married and raised a kid and it was the best! Rose was really well-written, as was Kanaya; I really loved seeing those personalities balance each other out again. It was nice to see them be good parents in the Candy-verse. The Vriska they raised was such a fucking scamp too! It was nice to see a Vriska who had a positive home environment but still had that same spunk

Also, Dave. Just, all of Dave. He was really solidly written throughout the whole thing. I fucking love his interest in the economy holy shit. I got to hear Dave Strider say the phrase  “neoliberal austerity measures.” That’s the best. “Economically Aware Anti-capitalist Dave” is rivaled only by “Karkat (True Leftism)”. I’ve seen a few complaints that Dave’s interest in the economy was also OOC, but for one thing he’s an adult and can cultivate new interests if he likes, and for another Dave is a pretty clever kid, and very numerically-minded. (Is that a term? I mean he’s good at maths and such). Don’t forget, not only did he manage to accumulate all the wealth on LOCAH in the span of three days by taking over their stock markets, but he also used the hash map modus in his day to day life, showing that he was able to do calculations in his head as quick as breathing. As shown here, the hash map modus is pretty complex and requires you to come up with a word that has the same value as the thing you wanna use in order to use it. That’s not easy to do on a dime and yet he uses it in his rooftop battles with Bro. All of this is to say, he’d certainly learn to be very good at economics if he wasn’t already. It just suits him.

Oh and I also love that Dave still makes SBaHJ and Karkat has a bunch of sockpuppet accounts he uses to defend Dave’s honour. it’s very cute.

Karkat also had some lines in the epilogues damn. I hadn’t realized how starved I was of VantasRage until I read a few of his rants. Also we finally got to see Badass Rebel Leader Karkat and he’s just as great as we all knew he’d be

The davekat kiss in Meat was great too. It was very gratifying to see after all the narrative cockblocking that went down in Candy.

John realizing in the Candy universe that he isn’t responsible for everything and that they’re all still just people with their own autonomy was good. Much as I have problems with the Candy universe on a whole I liked this specifically.

Also, roxygen! I love roxy/callie as much as the next guy but John and Roxy were very cute near the end of the comic and I liked seeing them grow up and have a kid. John names his son after the guy from Night Court because he’s a massive dweeb. Love it.

We got some great Terezi writing as well. The johnrezi at the end of Meat was nicely written and made me feel a whole host of emotions despite me not even having shipped them that hard beforehand.

OH MY GOD THE OBAMA SHIT. I almost forgot to put this in because I was focused on other stuff but my word the whole Obama Situation was beautiful I loved every second of it. It was so over-the-top in the best way and it simultaneously carried airs of being So Serious And Important To The Narrative and being just the dumbest load of crap. I loved it so much

Also, I was very happy with Roxy and Callie coming out. Roxy talking about how he’d already come out as dating an alien with a green skull for a head and how it felt like maybe he was being “selfish” by also wanting to come out as trans was a great illustration of something that already-out LGB people often feel when realizing they don’t identify with their assigned gender. Additionally, Calliope coming to terms with the fact that they don’t have to identify as female just to further differentiate themselves from Caliborn was great. It really helped to show how far they’d come from just being Caliborn’s foil into being their own person. However, this leads into:

Some stuff I didn’t like

Speaking of Roxy and Callie’s transition, Dirk also came out. As a transphobe. Which was disappointing, to say the least. He made a point of misgendering Roxy as often as possible and was pretty dismissive towards NB people when he learned about Calliope’s identity. (You could make an argument that Dirk is being thoughtless by misgendering Roxy and not intentionally malicious, but I don’t see Dirk as the kind of guy who slips up very often. He’s very careful with language.) I always headcanoned Dirk as trans, as I’m sure most people did, so having him just up and become transphobic was kind of the worst. I intend to talk about Epilogue!Dirk a lot more in a later post but yeah. Not a fan.

EDIT: I’ve thought about the Dirk thing a little more and he does eventually start calling Roxy by the correct pronouns, albeit in kind of a “see see look at how openminded im being youre such a manly dudely stud bro” way. Dirk’s initial discomfort with Roxy and Callie’s identity more comes from his own egotistical belief that he should have already known about it than it does from genuine animosity. That aside, he does still say “She probably would have loved being a “they” when she was a teen,” which sorta rubs me the wrong way. I might just be being oversensitive though.

Also, in the Meat universe, Rose and Kanaya split up! I’m very upset about that. Ultimate Power be damned, I want happy, married lesbians! It sucks that we either have Rosemary OR Davekat but not both

On the topic of davekat, Jade really got done dirty by both Epilogues, huh? She was used as a narrative device in one and was an intrusive presence in the lives of Dave and Karkat in the other. TBH I was never a fan of davekatjade for a lot of reasons but I would have preferred they be in a happy poly relationship than what actually happened in Candy.

Actually, the only two polyamorous relationships in the Epilogues both turned out awfully. I doubt any of the writing staff had anything against poly people; I’m sure it was just a coincidence but either way it’s pretty unfortunate. I have a bit to say about this but this is running too long as is.

Gamzee

Fucking Gamzee.

Unanswered Questions

Will there be any further updates? I sure hope there will, because the ending was not very satisfying and creates more questions than it answers. I can sort of see where it might be going but they left way too much up in the air and it feels very much like it’s unfinished. V has referred to it as “the whole thing” on twitter, so it might be finished for good, but i really hope it isn’t

Why did Rose say the session they’re creating will be the most important session of SBURB ever played? Why couldn’t they play it on Earth C? Surely Earth C’s inhabitants would be more used to seeing alien life forms and would know the basics of SBURB, thus making it more likely for them to survive it. Why go to the trouble of seeding a whole new planet? I’m curious.

Can a character be said to be “Out Of Character” if the character’s own creator wrote those actions? What if they passed on the actual writing to someone else but still had to verify it themselves? What does OOC even mean? Does it mean “this doesn’t fit my headcanon” or “there is no evidence for this” or “the author wouldn’t write them like this”? If it’s the last one, can an author merely saying “this interpretation is correct” absolve ANY action from being deemed OOC? I like that I’m being made to think about this kind of thing now

To what degree is each universe truly “Canon”? I’m aware that Candy lost its canon-ness when John decided not to fight LE, but the two universes are intrinsically linked: we see characters from one universe travel to another and it’s implied that Terezi has spoken to both Johns. How canon is Meat, even? Are either of them even still bound by the need to be part of the Alpha Timeline anymore, since Lord English has been created? What does anything mean?

Final Musings

I understand completely if you don’t like the epilogues. Maybe you think they’re too dark. Maybe you just don’t agree with portrayals of the characters. Maybe you hate that they gave jade a fucking tail when she never had one in the main comic. There certainly were bits of it that I wasn’t a fan of, but there are also parts I really wanna go draw fanart of right now. I like the Epilogues, but if I write fanfic or make dumb joke posts about Earth C, I’m probably gonna ignore large swaths of it (such as, I’ll probably keep both John and Dirk alive, and make them kiss a lot)

There has been a great deal of vitriol directed specifically at Hussie about the epilogues despite the fact that other people worked on them. It’s difficult to take these criticisms in good faith when so many people are blaming solely Hussie. I’m aware that he had total control over actual plot elements and wrote a bit of dialogue, but the bulk of the actual text was written by V. Another thing I’ve noticed is that people’s attitudes towards the epilogues are very much like the general attitude towards Act 7 when it first came out. I’ll admit, I left the Homestuck fandom in like 2014 and didn’t return until mid-2017, but people’s Jimmies were definitely still Rustled even then. There was a general atmosphere of “I hate Hussie, and you should too! The ending was bad and no one asked for it!” but as time went on, and people started analyzing the ending and making meta posts about it, everyone sort of grew acclimated to the ending. Suddenly, the general consensus was that Homestuck was Good Again Finally and the ending was Amazing and The Fandom Loved It. I feel like maybe that sort of thing’s gonna happen again with the Epilogues. I really hope that, as it continues to update (if it does), everyone will sort of chill out about it