#“i will never love anything again
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I really think if Cas saw the way Dean grieves him when he dies it would entirley change his perspective on the way Dean feels about him.
#when hes alive dean can be so rude to him#but as soon as hes dead deans like#“i will never love anything again#my heart is a black hole“#mr repressed emotions over here#destiel#dean winchester#supernatural#spn#castiel#deancas#balls deep destiel#dean and cas
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listen. i know it's not 2014 anymore and i know it's just a throwaway line and that the russo brothers didnt intend for marvel action blockbuster captain america the winter soldier to become the tragic gay love story that never was but man. having steve say "it's kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience" in a conversation about romantic relationships right before the bucky reveal is so cruel. it's not just about steve and bucky obviously having the shared experience of being "out of time," it's the fact that they've both been stripped of their humanity in opposite directions. steve is a legend, he is an american hero and a national icon before he is a human being the same way that bucky is a weapon and a killing machine before he is a human being. steve knows that anyone who falls in love with him in the 21st century fell in love with captain america first, and that's just not him. but then the one person who knew him first and knew him best and loved him (not captain america, that little guy from brooklyn) so much he died for it is alive, impossibly. and it's a miracle because he's back and it's horrific because he's back under the worst possible circumstances. but to steve, the winter soldier is worth tearing the world apart for because he's always been bucky first. they find each other and suddenly they're human again. and maybe, despite it all, being "out of time" becomes a blessing, because in this century they'd finally be allowed to love each other the way they've always wanted to. like real people do.
like. no. the captain america trilogy isn't about two queer men traumatized and alienated by war and modern life rediscovering and reclaiming their humanity through their love for each other. but. i mean. it couldve been
#like you get why all the fics about those two are insane right. the narrative is just so goddamn compelling#and thats not even getting into the whole thing abt the serum curing steve of every ailment except his love for bucky#which makes him realize it was never an ailment to begin with (despite the commonly held beliefs about homosexuality in the 1940s)#and bucky being *electroshocked* again and again into forgetting steve#like howd you make your gay ass movie that gay and not realize it. its kinda impressive#sorry for the ridiculous stucky retrospective its 4am and i rewatched the winter soldier recently#its not that deep. its not its not its not . but if it was anything other than what it is it could have been. and thats the worst part#shut up riley#marvel#stucky
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spiraling
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#gojo satoru#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#the minute i realized how tg coded the composition n colours were i decided to turn it up to 11#i was racking my brain trying 2 figure out how to get the layered tissue paper look tht i talked abt ishida's cover art having#cycled through all my usual layer modes n nothing ws Quite right#until wouldnt u know it . divide n subtract!!!!! i NEVER use divide or subtract bc theyre impossible#but fr this??? its like they were made for it oh my god#it makes the greys look translucent n all my textures pop in a way that makes them appear splotchy n Bruised#which ws the whole point thts the Look god i am so PLEASED#when the layer modes tht notoriously get No love finally find their niche <33 peace and love <333#filing this away fr later i am going 2 have a lot of fun with this new information i think#im very happy w how the colours look n i dont think anything else wld have kept the right Mood#but i am always so >:/ when i have to use a palette tht forces me into giving megumi blue eyes#had to set aside th green eyed megu agenda fr the Aesthetic unfortunately#anyway i knew from the minute i saw it that i wanted to do smth involving the opening panel of 268#bc that panel is S tier#i figured tht if nothing came 2 me i wld just redraw it as-is bc it's alr so good but as i ws sketching i was like#u know what u havent done in a while? art tht looks like u r going Insane#art tht makes ur family ask whether everything is ok#so i once again tucked megumi's knees up 2 his chest and apologized insincerely to him fr making the third megumi angst piece in a row#:)
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does anyone realize how crazy it is to have the actor of a mostly headcanoned queer ship say the fans were never crazy and they were right all along after 10+ years of everyone just absolutely going nuts over the said queerbaited ship
#supernatural#dean winchester#spn#destiel#castiel#deancas#misha collins#im 20 i have been Experiencing supernatural and johnlock since i was 12 and merthur since wayy before that i have fought Wars#this is crazy#i love u hannibal i love u 911 (if u make eddie gay)#for the love of god by 'mostly headcanoned' i dont mean that it was never intentional#i am aware that they put the subtext in on purpose#they knew what they were doing#but my focus here is on the actor actually saying it because like#if its not mostly headcanoned then y was the entire cast denying it for years AND YEARS#like do yall not remember what jared and jenesn used to say#there have been many many many instances where the cast has made us feel crazy/stupid for saying anything abt destiel#im just saying TO ME its crazy that actors and creators talk so openly about these things now !!! again i was raised on merlin and sherlock#ok also im confused on the queerbaiting part#everyones saying its queer coding and not queer baiting but cant they be true at the same time ?#im not being dumb on purpose i swear im just confused#like yes dean is very much bi coded and their relationship is queer coded but if the creators deny everything#and we only get a last minute confession after 11 years#that doesnt count as queer baiting ?#someone smart explain this to me 🙏
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Happy vampirification day to the Character Ever
#i love him#excuse me while i never be normal about anything ever again#old maniel my darling light of my life#interview with the vampire#armandaniel#armand x daniel#devil’s minion#amc iwtv#iwtv#iwtv season 2#eric bogosian#daniel molloy#the vampire armand#louis de pointe du lac
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I kind of don't like how a lot of people forget that despite all the angst and the drama around Dean and Cas they are fundamentaly best friends.
How many times did Dean say it throught the entire show? Bobby in season 6 saying "Well, you just lost the best friend you ever had."
For Bobby to say that, knowing Dean better than even Sam in some regards, how many times had Dean been sitting with Castiel on the couch in his living room?
Cas doesn't sleep, and rarely does Dean, with the Apocalypse looming right behind him.
So all they had left, in those quiet nights were each other. And they were okay with it, because they liked each other's company.
#your honor they are in love#destiel rant#destiel#castiel#cas and dean#dean winchester#spn#supernatural#deancas#castiel novak#dean and castiel's profound bond#they are besties#we could get into detail about how their entire relationship fundamentally changed the second cas took on the leviathans#how castiel believed he could ever become something he was happy with and destroyed himself and murdered most of the other angels#and lost all form of self reflection and actualization in order to hate himself#and yes he magically got better after taking on sams memories but he was never alright ever again#and dean tried to go along with it#refused to see that there was anything wrong#ugh anyway#i digress
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In honour of mha ending, have some old (and i mean OLD) miryumi scribbles i never got around to posting. They were the main characters in my heart
#these are like a year and a half old#ive been in the rarepair game for longer than some kids have been alive#it aint much but its honest work#i genuinely would be unable to explain the chokehold miryumi has on me after all this time#have they ever canonically interacted? no#(that i know of lol i havent caught up on the manga in over a year)#do they have anything directly in common? no#is there any reason i would ever have shipped them if i hadnt seen a habkart valentines post they never came back to? also no#did they proceed to occupy a permanent place in my frontal lobe forever? but of course#they really are THEE ship to me#peak comfort ship#i love that horikoshi developed them just enough for me to have solid base material for their personalities#but also gave them the woman in shonen treatment just enough that i can say anything i want about them and canon doesnt contradict it#anyways!! them again#fuyumi todoroki#rumi usagiyama#mirko#mha#bnha#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#wlw#chiquilines draws
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one day, in a thousand years
#I THINK I HAUVE COVID#oh to meet your love after a thousand years at a museum exhibit of your past lives#thinking about them makes me so sick so ILL DISEASED#I AM NOT IMMUNE#spc i’m cursing u forever for this wtf. WTF bro wtf#ouyang’s last thoughts were a desperate plea for esen to wait for him.#he has NEVER called him by first name he has NEVER asked him anything#and his last thought is asking him to wait#and esen does. bc he would have given ouyang anything he asked for#god i hope u get rawed so good it makes up for all the lost lifetimes u earned it#he who drowned the world#she who became the sun#the radiant emperor#general ouyang#esen-temur#(zhu also present in the golden imperial dragon and the golden light of gayness that brought them together again)#my art#not super proud of how it turned out tbh tbh it looks better in my head 😔😔#would’ve stayed in the drafts if not for my need to feed this 4 ppl fandom#and if not for robin motivation nfngdjfb ty kissa you forever#id in alt text
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*wheezing and heaving* *shoves metal gear solid and nier automata into a blender* *slams the shitass smoothie into pint glass* *hysterically throws it back* i finished the line up. im at peace now
#metal gear solid#nier automata#mgs#mgr#drakenier#raiden#mgs rose#samuel rodrigues#I fucking haaaaatteeeeeeeeeeee HATE that I keep going ‘oh golly oh boy I wonder how I can expand this and make sense of my ideas’#I JUST WANT TO DRAW HOT PEOPLE LOOKING HOT#but then it’s oh how can I bring robots into this#and then it’s HOW CAN I MAKE MYSELF MORE SAD ABOUT SAM THAN USUAL#OH LETS MAKE HIM AN EXECUTIONER#AND REALLY HAMMER IN THE RED#CUZ WE SURE LOVE RED IN AUTOMATA#DEFO DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING#oh and what’s that about swords in automata and spirits#fuck knooooowssssss#putting my own brain in a blender#and I never want to talk about this again#note:#there’s a tiny tiny samuraiden doodle hidden in there
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He just wants to be missed
#gravity falls#bill cipher#ford pines#stanford pines#billford#shitpost#the amount of times Bill asks if people will miss him is something he needs to bring up in therapy#did your parents not love you enough Bill?#your issues are showing#ignore the mistakes#I’m too tired to fix them#and honestly not emotionally stable enough#feeling like a piece of shit rn and I haven’t even done anything wrong#…um but#did you guys miss me? 🥺🥺🥺#one day I’m gonna stop posting entirely and wait patiently for the ‘omg are you okay’ messages that will never come in#and then give up and post again#I never said I was any better than him here#I too constantly crave validation from others and really want to be missed
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the most difficult thing about growing as a person socially, as in getting out of your shell and noticing that you are, is that there will still be times when it doesn’t feel like you’ve grown at all! times when you can’t really connect with anyone around you, times when you fail to enter into an existing conversation, times when you say the wrong thing (or nothing at all when in hindsight you probably should’ve). but that’s also kind of the best thing, because that’s the thing that helps you realize that sometimes, it’s not you or your lack of skills or any shortcoming. sometimes certain environments just aren’t for you and certain people aren’t your people, and that’s okay. that’s human. it’s okay to not feel the progress you have made all the time.
#and that goes for every type of growth#backstory of this post:#after I came back after a few months of doing my international internship I felt so much more confident#it was easier making friends and walking up to people#i took more chances#and generally just heard it a lot from those around me who kept telling me how much i’d changed#this was further supported by my first office job that went pretty well#but then came my grad internship. and while i love the work and have met some great people I noticed it was difficult again#there was one office lunch where no one spoke to me at all! it was my first week and I didn’t know what to say#if i should even say anything#we were all sitting at the same table#not one person even glanced my way#it made me doubt myself; i was doing so well before#was that even real? why can’t I just speak up? this is not the way to connect with people#especially in my first week!#but you know what#i was still doing well. i just had to factor in the fact that these were all middle aged people talking about reality shows i didn’t watch#and bikes i knew nothing about#as well as people who knew i was the new intern yet didn’t speak to me at all even though I’d introduced myself to them all individually#and even so#people I couldn’t really talk to about MY interests outside of work either#my point being:#it’s okay to not feel a connection with everyone you meet#it’s okay to fall back into old habits even though you’ve developed new ones#it will never unravel the process you’ve made and the connections you’ve built#you’re doing fine#after this internship I will surround myself with people who reaffirm that belief#growth in the self#self love#positivity
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What do you mean I’m a bit late for Janus’ big day? Of course not, how could you say such a thing! I definitely didn’t forget all about it in my absence and only get reminded in the incorrect quotes video live chat; that’s not like me at all ;]
Anyways I decided to dress our sassy snake in some different outfits I think he’d like. He seems like the type to get all dolled up on his birthday and it goes with Thomas posting pics in outfits inspired by the sides on their appreciation days!
@thatsthat24
#sanders sides#janus sanders#ts janus#thomas sanders#sanders sides fanart#my hoard#I’ve returned!#the newest asides came out and I remembered how much I love it#so I’m hyperfixated again and I’ve not now peace since#it is nice to actually finish something again tho#I’ve been pretty busy working lately and now I’m starting to pack to move into my first apartment!#so not much time to really sit down and draw#and when I do have time I can’t get the motivation to actually draw anything#I want to get better about posting stuff on here#(even though it feels like I’m just dreaming into the void a lot)#even just silly little things or rough sketches I’ll never finish#I hope it’ll help me continue to draw and make things again#I forgot how nice it is#anyways if you’ve read this far thanks#have a cookie :] 🍪
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I kind of wonder if the reason both boys are wearing gloves so often is because not being able to feel is kind of painful.
Not in the actual sense, but touching something soft and not feeling the fabric against your skin and realising that you're forgetting how soft used to feel must be horrible. Brushing against something hot when it is a winter's day and not feeling the relief of your blood warming under your skin must make you long for it, because yes, you don't get the pain of it, but you never get the pleasure either.
And touching someone you love more than life and death and existence itself and not feeling their skin against yours must be agonising, but maybe its easier to bear if you pretend that the only reason for it is the gloves you wear. You can't feel your soulmate's fingers because you are wearing gloves. You can't feel their hair when you ruffle it because of them, too. You can't feel their warmth and the softness of their skin and their tendons shifting under your touch because of the gloves, not because you'll never feel again.
And now imagine if they end up taking them off and realise that they can feel every touch up there, but because they're both ghosts or because they love each other the most or because of any other reason they can feel it too, and Charles reaches up and brushes a finger across Edwin's jaw and Edwin feels it, every bit of it.
Imagine that the only thing they'll ever be able to feel is each other and imagine how that would always be more than enough.
#dead boy detectives#dead boy detective agency#dead boy detective netflix#charles rowland#edwin payne#payneland#paynland#paineland#painland#charles x edwin#i just love the idea of them being able to feel each other but nothing else#and i am so so sure that they would be happy with that#i think theyd be happy if they could never feel anything again if they would be allowed to give the other pleasure
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Hi! this is kinda an art request if u dont mind. And it's angst related, can you draw like where wanda and cosmo obvs have seen for a while how (human) timmy has been treated by his real parents. I just want to see like the "last straw" which lead Cosmo and Wanda wanting them to make Timmy as their own. (IM HAPPY THAT TIMMY HAS A FAMILY THAT LOVES AND CARES FOR HIM)
The "Last Straw"?
Cosmo and Wanda have seen humans at their best. They've seen humans at their worst. They've seen anything and everything that they've gone numb and used to what humans get up to.
But nothing's shaken them quite like Timmy's case did. Nothing has ever made a Fairy feel such strong human emotions than what Timmy made them feel, on that one particular night.
The thing that broke Cosmo and Wanda was Timmy himself.
Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]
#asks#itty bitties fop au#germangirl321#tw abuse#tw emotional abuse#tw emotional distress#tw implied death#tw implied sui#tw sui implied#<- ask to tag#(especially ask to tag bcs these are the offered tumblr tags)#godkids wish for stupid things all the time. sometimes they wish for good things and bad things. or things that helps themselves or others#they wish for things that teaches them life lessons or for things that damages them in the future.#but at their core every child has a pure wish that they want more than anything.#for hazel. her core wish is for change to stop. for dev. his core wish is for his father's love#timmy's wish. at the center of everything. is to run away from himself and all that he is. to be something- anything- but Him.#its this core wish that fairies desire most. its their ambrosia. and its almost always impossible to grasp in its purity.#they cant stop change or forge a father's love after all.#Most fairies would be ecstatic to claim a child's core wish. It's the peak of their career- highly coveted highly praised.#but Cosmo and Wanda took no pleasure when they finally consumed their one- and only one for they'd never do it again- core wish.#as said before. cosmo and wanda really. really love timmy turner. and timmy really really loves his fairies. love!!! is a powerful thing!!#anyways this is a heavy topic and a heavy ask so im keeping it out of the main tags#also if you're curious as to whose responding back to timmy#its cosmo#lots of people tend to portray wanda as the more emotional sensitive type. yknow the “motherly” role.#but i think thats wrong.#was considering cutting out their responses for this ask#but then i figured that CosWan would be responding back in earnest to calm him down as best they could
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A quick PSA:
YOU ARE NOT A WANNAREXIC IF YOU EAT OVER YOUR CALORIE LIMIT. A wannarexic is someone who pretends to be anorexic for attention and then go back to eating normally no problem. A wannarexic is someone who only doesn't eat around others for attention and doesn't care about calories or fat. A wannarexic is someone who only pretends to be anorexic to get sympathy.
If you aren't any of those things then you aren't a wannarexic. Anorexia is a mental illness, and it's okay if you binge because that's how your body works. Please, babies, you aren't wannarexic because chances are everyone reading this post is actually anorexic. Send love to others who think they are wannarexic for binging.
My favorite quote is "If you're doing it in private with no one watching then you aren't faking." All of us count calories when no one is watching, you aren't faking. I love you, and if I can love you then you can love yourself.
<3
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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