#“alr what di u need help with”

[tiredthing-idk]

Hhhhhh fuck. Aa

[bueckersstrap]

THROW AWAY

paige b. x reader

masterlist + playlist here !

warnings : language, cheating

wc : 850-900

tags : @mayghosts

a/n : ok so idk this was really short so imma make it like a prologue if ya catch my drift 😉 hope yall enjoy, chapters will be longer ofc. lmk what yall do and don’t like 💘💘💘 xoxo - cel

0. told her i would call her back, i forgot to text her / PROLOGUE

paige : dude it’s literally not what it looks like chill tf out 😂 11:56 PM

you : chill out ..? ur out cheating and im supposed to chill out ? alr . go have fun w ur lil home wrecking ass friend. 11:58 PM

paige : i’m out tryna enjoy my time w my friends nd ur stressing me ? imma call u after tho , ight? 11:59 PM

paige : i didnt mean it like that ur not stressing me 12:00 AM

deadass i didnt ???

read at 12:02 AM

seriously y/n 12:09 AM

bro y ru acting like that

nah fuck u

wait

no

wait yes

fuck you

read at 12:10AM

‘paige’ has been blocked by ‘y/n’

—

the loud knock that erupted on the apartment door must’ve rung throughout the empty hallways of paige’s complex.

nervously shifting her weight between her feet, holding the cardboard box — that was filled to the brim with all of paige’s stuff — was heavy of a weight enough and the extra anxiety wasn’t helping.

y/n felt like she must have been waiting at paige’s door for hours when it really was only a minute or so.

paige’s expression turned blank, not expecting to ever see y/n again after the incident.

“your stuff. i didn’t need it taking up space in my apartment anymore.” you said, shallow and shoving the box into her chest.

“I- uh. thank you?”

it seemed as if paige swallowed her pride and was going to say something but before she could you flashed her a tight lipped expression and begged yourself not to give in to her antics if she tried anything.

you two had been in this situation countless times, it always ended up in sex. but you didn’t want that this time. not yet, atleast.

it was the awkward silence that confirmed the end of you two was catching up to the years that lacked apologies and proper communication. there was nothing you could’ve done to stop it, what was done was done and paige’s actions couldn’t be controlled. that’s just how she is.

paige looked scared, almost. her expression was unexplainable and as hard as you tried to study the way her lips curled or the way her eyes scanned your own face; you couldn’t figure it out.

without saying anything more, you gave her once last look and walked away, completely shattered.

—

‘the incident’ that was referenced was the moments leading up to when you were sitting in your apartment, innocently and mindlessly scrolling on tiktok when you came across your girlfriends’ friend — ice brady’s — live.

you clicked to see them all out at a bar. this wasn’t unexpected as paige had already told you what her plans for the night were. you watched contently for a little bit, admiring the night your friends were having, that you weren’t invited to. it was weird to not be invited to a group hangout and not be asked to go with, not even by your girlfriend. it had already made you uneasy but it didn’t matter and you brushed your feelings under the rug.

ice shifted the camera to her left and for a split second the world stopped. you immediately recognized the blonde. the grown out roots with the slender hands that wrapped around presumably — from the back — her teammate, azzi fudd.

it wasn’t just a hug as you might’ve thought, her hands were on azzi’s waist and azzi’s hands were around paige’s neck. the distance between them was non-existent and very clear to everybody on live.

ice uncomfortably shifted the camera back to her, exchanging looks with her friend caroline. both the women’s expressions turned into ones of pure shock and slight panic as her and caroline tried to play it off as normal. nothing was normal about this, though.

“what the fuck?” you mumbled, furrowing your brows to try and capture the moment in your brain. it didn’t last as long as it felt though.

for a couple minutes you set your phone down, pacing around your apartment. too many thoughts you had to calculate came at lighting speed in your pounding head. at first, you tried to justify her actions, thinking, maybe it wasn’t what it looked like. but then you started thinking more rationally. you knew what you saw and there was no defending her actions no matter how much you tried. you attempted reading between the lines, trying to catch a loophole in which azzi and paige weren’t kissing within an inch of life between them but the hand placement was a dead give away. the realization made your blood run cold and gave you the confidence needed to say something, not wanting to silence you or your feelings anymore.

that’s how the whole text situation ended up happening because the pure shock turned into pure anger. you concluded that azzi fudd was a home wrecker, and paige bueckers was a lying slut cheater.

was it fair to label azzi that, just by seeing the live? probably not. but the heat that rose to your cheeks in your anxiety driven body made it hard for you to think straight. but this wasn’t about azzi, this was about paige and her extremely ignorant tendencies. especially her intoxicated ones.

it hurt but you knew it was a long time coming, anyway. the toxic relationship you two shared had been ongoing since your junior year when you hooked up at a halloween party and were on and off since.

you couldn’t tell whether knowing that the cycle between you and paige would continue until one of you broke— which wasn’t going to happen— brought you comfort or sadness. it was very unfortunate that you wasted this much time on paige, but considering your past and the very foreseeable future, it was hard not to. as fast as you tried to run away you knew you’d probably end up being caught up to sooner or later. until the pattern repeated itself, you’d try and heal like normal and be destroyed when she came back and ruined your life.

it was the circle of paige.

[killugon-truther]

“gon didn’t even know kite for very long/that well.” [hxh CAA analysis]

one criticism i’ve seen a few ppl have abt gon during his actions during the CAA is that he didn’t know kite for very long or very well, and so it doesn’t make sense that gon would have lost himself so quickly and entirely.

and ofc it’s fine for ppl to have this opinion, but i disagree, bc i feel like it’s a blatant simplification and misunderstanding of gon’s character, what his development during the CAA was rly caused by, and what it meant; this is what this analysis is abt.

while it’s true that gon didn’t know kite for very long or very well, that’s not really relevant when it comes to what’s affecting gon so deeply.

firstly, let’s not forget that kite saved him from a foxbear mother who was trying to protect its cub all those years ago. and when they meet again years later, he saves him & killua (along w killua pushing him out of the way) from an ant that was nearby.

while these scenes can be easy to gloss over, they’re also both definitely important, esp the first save; i believe gon idolized kite the moment he did, cementing him as a “golden figure” in his life/mind, and why wouldn’t he? he was a very little boy who was in life-threatening danger and then was swiftly saved right before anything fatal could occur.

at the same time, he was negatively affected by kite’s actions and words (but more his words than anything), which were to punch and chastise him bc his own ignorance has caused kite to have to take the life of a creature’s life. i believe that this, along w gon alr feeling abandoned by ging (ik gon often plays it off well, but i feel like he’s been displaying he’s insecurities surrounding that since the beginning), the other “golden figure” in his mind/life, encouraged his feelings of weakness and lack of self esteem.

those feelings of admiration of kite, probably thinking “wow, he’s so cool and strong!” and feelings of disappointment towards himself, probably thinking “and i must be anything but”, had been festering inside of him for years, the same way the effects of ging’s abandonment had. from the beginning, gon has felt the need to prove himself using his own strength, or else he’s weak and unworthy; it’s a dangerous and destructive cycle born from his black-and-white mindset.

the same way gon blamed himself for kite’s death, he blamed himself for the mama foxbear’s death. if he had known better, if he had been stronger, then that animal wouldn’t have had to die bc of him. kite wouldn’t have died bc of him.

so, basically, it’s not just kite dying that set gon off, it’s how it made him feel abt himself; personal insecurities and doubts that he alr had since early in the series began to bubble and overflow before eventually erupting entirely.

secondly, as i mentioned before, kite and ging are gon’s “golden figures”: the mentors he admires, the ppl he sees as being sm above him, and he needs to reach them in order to be worth what we wants to do in the first place, his over-arching life goal; successfully meeting ging. to him, kite’s worsening state and then eventual confirmation of death all say that if he can’t do smth as important as saving and fixing his friend, fixing his own mistake, then he’s definitely not worthy of meeting ging. he’s not worthy of anybody or anything except suffering.

thirdly, while their time together was fairly limited, it wasn’t like it was devoid of meaningfulness; kite served as an important mentor to both killua and gon when they rly needed it, and he helped them survive through his actions, words, and influence (such as the time he saved gon’s life again, this time from centipede, and when he advised gon to stay focused w his eyes open & to always destroy the head).

if i have any criticisms, comments, or anything u wanna add to my analysis, pls do!! hope you enjoyed it.

[lionmythflower]

lmao not me rewatching the nutcracker and the four realms.

But I actually can't stop laughing.

"That diabolical little mouse!"

"We just have to ask you some questions princess" "this is ridiculous"

"How do u describe ur sympathies towards rodents in general?" "........ Well-" "thank you, good, alright"

"My mother, she.... She died." *dramatic gasps*

Miss sugar plum Fairy stop lying ma'am

I'm gonna slap her

*weird giggling* ".... She doesn't know" HELP

"She tried to take control of the other realms" what bullshit. I can't remember shit of what happens I know damn well that miss sugar plum aint the good one here

HOW DID THEY MAKE MAKE THOSE DRESSES SO FAST I MEAN I KNOW THEIR MAGIC WHAT WHAT THE FUCK

"Do u like it?" "I love it" who are u lying to that hair looks so bad

Miss sugar plum needs to stfu her voice is giving me a headache

Ooooh ballet

Oh it's abt the story of the four realms ok...

I actually can't remember anything from this movie

was the hot air balloon from that one version of wizard of oz rlly necessary

I promise I actually do like this movie I js love hating on movies no matter how much I love them (another example is

"Beastly women. There's nothing motherly abt her" OKAY U KNOW WHAT U CAN SHUT UP THANKS

OH I REMEMBER SOME OF IT NOW. THERE'S SMTH TO DO W THE ENGINES

AND WHAT'S HER NAME THE MAIN CHARACTER GIRL FIXES THE MACHINE OR AT LEAST FINDS THE KEY AND THEN SHE REALISES THAT SUGAR PLUM IS EVIL AND THEN SMTH HAPPENS I THINK SHE JOINS MOTHER GINGERS SIDE OR SMTH IDK

Sugar plum speaking French is annoying me sm. Like ok I get ur the pretty fairy women but fuck off please-

Oh the girl is named Clara

Bro crows are scary as fuck

Someone get this girl a pantsuit why is she always running around in dresses

Clara: gets pulled into a dark hole.

Captain: GOES IN AFTER HER

what the fuck

What in the name of Russian dolls-

OMG MOTHER GINGER

we love her

She looks so badass

Help not captain js struggling w the puppet things

Mother Ginger is the only sensible one here

I actually can't remember what the egg thing does

That owl is fucking everywhere

Also we love captain

And hate sugar plum

CLARA DON'T BE AN IDIOTS PLS

CAPTAIN

CAPTAIN PLS U KNOW THIS IS A BAD IDEA

HELPPPP

CLARA PLS

CLARA

CLARA ITS A TRAP YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN

alr miss sugar plum u can go die actually

Omg the mouse

Oh look they're in the dungeon

Help not her yelling at captain like he didn't nothing to you 😭😭

HELP WAIT HE ACTUALLY HAS A NAME????

Phillip omg

Guys no I need another snack to deal with this women absolutely not

Okie I got some chocolates we're good now

Bro I still have like 33 minutes left in this movie

Thank god she's actually calling him by his name now

HELP PHILLIP AND THE MOUSE ARE SO FUNNY

Oh damn careful there CLARA

Hun ur dress is ummm a bit dirty...

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE ADS.

guys we pay for Disney + and we still have ads what the fuck. This is bigotry at it's worst

Poor mother ginger her face is fucking cracked bro

YES KNOCK OVER THOSE SOLDIERS

SHOOT.

CLARA RUN

oh boy

YES CLARA FIGHT THOSE TOY SOLDIERS

if any of y'all hurt phillip I will be coming after u

Omg mouse tower yes we love them

I HATE SUGAR PLUM SO MUCH

CLARA PLS

CLARA FIGURE SMTH OUT

PHILLIP IF U DIE ISTG

SUGAR PLUM BRO LITERALLY JUST UGHHHH

die.

NO NO NO NO

OMG NO

HAHAHA

OMG YES

damn she's a doll now

I don't feel bad

If phillip and clara kiss I'mma cry

Omg we love the mouse and phillip

Oh dear

No. No no no

DON'T YOU DARE

Oh damn actually that's crazy

Omg the one movie where the girl and the guy who are friends don't actually have to kiss at the end thank god

Bro did a double take when her dad said I'm sorry

The father daughter relationship between them is crazy 😐 (im envious. I don't have a good relationship like that w either of my parents)

Damn the movie's over

[hizznbyte]

hey! just so u know, i (and i'm sure many others) would love to hear about that AU ! but it's alr if u don't wanna share it yet, do what makes u comfortable 👍

Oughh.. ohhh boy. Okay I should probably finally get to answering this ask gahhhh!.!..

Hi you!!! I’m assuming this is about my TWA AU post thing I made and deleted a little bit ago, in which I’d be happy to talk about it! I’m totally fine with sharing that shtuffs if you wanna hear about it, the only reason I’ve been hesitant to do so and putting it off is because my English is super sucky and I can’t articulate or explain my thinking properly so it can get super confusing, especially when we get to the more complicated lore. Plus, I don’t wanna make this post as long as the other one [that was pain in my ass to type and post 😭🙏] but.. I suppose I can take a swing at it! Please do bear with me haha.

So I’m not into TWA as I was before [I do sometimes rewatch videos out of boredom or for writing purposes] but I used to be super hyperfixated on it.. uh??? More than a year ago according to my discord. And I came up with this dumb unnamed AU which I fleshed out but never elaborated on. It’s got some complicated lore which I’ll try to explain to the best of my ability. Also like don’t jump me when I say I forgot most, if not everything from the original TWAEU lore so whatever I’m making up my own story now.

In the story, JP [Ego] finishes writing a chapter of his super awesome amazing BEST STORY EVER! and he’s so proud of himself that he goes to take a well deserved nights rest. And then he gets fucking isekai’d. Of course, it’s the most cliche, generic isekai plot ever, so JP just thinks he’s dreaming. He’s the all-mighty powerful chosen one. He’s self aware and got all the plot armor in the world. He’s got himself a useless familiar who dumps the plot at him. It’s your standard isekai story, save for the harem collecting because JP couldn’t pull to save his life. Anyways, he’s transported to this kingdom or whatever, because there’s always a monarchy in good fantasy right? And for whatever reason, the Knights of Artistic Integrity are the only authority figures despite sucking at their job. LOL.

Anywhos! JP’s goal is to “defeat the evil in the kingdom and restore it to peace so he can return to reality yeah!!” [the evil in question being his inners]. But JP doesn’t really take his quest seriously because why would he. It’s a dumbass dream he thinks until he almost dies and realizes “Wow! This dream sure is wack! It’s almost like this… isn’t a dream. Also what happened to my plot armor?” Or whatever white people say. In any case, he’s saved by the one and only Sir Knight Commander Mcstabbypants! [my beloved]. KC realizes that JP just might be the chosen one the prophecy called for ! So they take him back to Sir Adblock who devises a deal. JP and the knights will work together, he gets rid of the evil and restores peace to the kingdom and they help him return to reality. It’s a fair enough deal so JP agrees.

Things happen but JP and KC need to find Inner Critic. So they track down, arrest, and interrogate the Ancient Conspiracy Guy who claims to know where IC is. He’s a dirty liar and just wants to get out but he does know where to find the Cthulhu Cult Leader who’d probably know where IC is. They could also be a useful asset in defeating evil if they figured out how to get the Cthulhu Cult Leader on their side. This is also a shameless lie btw, but JP and KC don’t think much of it and without many leads they drag Ancient Conspiracy Guy around trying to find em. In reality Conspiracy Guy kinda just wants to get Cthulhu Cultist dude arrested because he’s petty as fuck. Don’t question it.

I’m gonna go ahead and skip that whole saga thing, but JP and co. find Inner Critic. And the guy is all “I’ve heard many things about you J.P. BEAUBIEN. It’s about time you owned up and repaid for the damages you caused.” or.. something like that, and JP goes “I have not a clue what you’re talking about because I just got here, but I’m gonna assume that’s a good thing!”

Anyways they kill Inner Critic. RIP. Everyone celebrates! They got rid of the evil! That is until JP’s familiar FINALLY shows up and goes “Wait, no, you weren’t supposed to kill him. You were just supposed to cleanse him [whatever that means]” which would’ve been nice to know before they killed the guy!! But no they need him alive. Man I sure wish there was a way to bring the dead back to life-

Hey so did I talk about Inner Greed’s giant 3D printer? But before when can address that ginormous elephant in the room, we have to get into the nitty gritty for uh context. This is where the lore kind of gets confusing but stay with me here! [Oh Solid Space… how I’ve longed to finally talk about you...]

So what exactly is Solid Space? In the AU lore, Solid Space is a theoretical concept proposed by this guy named Inner Ambition, that aimed to explain an oddly specific conundrum. If you watched a Terrible Writing Advice video before you’d know that all the art and characters are built up of shapes. Disconnected shapes that is [and yes, I am very aware this is a stylistic thing that makes the graphics simpler but in this AU it’s pretty important]. This design choice still exists in my AU, where all the characters don’t have those parts connecting their limbs so they just appear to be floating but it’s more exaggerated. Namely, their bodies lack a neck and joints in the shoulders, elbows, wrists, hips, knees, and ankles. What remains is an empty space filled up by air. This led to people wondering, how are we [the people in the AU] still able to function normally without these necessary parts? I mean, they can still eat, drink, breathe, and talk without a neck? Their limbs stay in place and can’t really be pushed or pulled around without feeling pain. So how do you explain this? Inner Ambition aimed to figure that out, conducting various experiments, and learned the following:

The empty space between limbs behaved in such a way that IA dubbed it the “Limb Space Paradox”. Essentially, if you try to touch the limb space with a part of your body [say, sticking your finger in the space where your neck should be] it would go through as if there were nothing there. Like there was just air between them. You could cut through that space and not feel a thing. HOWEVER! Any other object, substance, or element that made contact with that space would react as if there were a solid object in between them. If you tried to stick a pencil in between the space where your shoulder would be, it would stop and hit a solid wall. It would NOT pass through. If you poured water down your arm, it would flow downwards the sides of your arm instead of through the empty space. Air would also hit the surface instead of going through the other side.

The fact that these characters can bleed, breathe, feel and be hurt imply the existence of skin, organs, muscles, nerves and veins, bones, and the like within these spaces, yet it cannot be seen or altered. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what Inner Ambition calls “Solid Space”. Solid Space is a confusing idea, implying that parts of their body exist in some form, in a plane beyond their own. Something they cannot properly comprehend. Because of this, Solid Space cannot be artificially recreated [keep that in mind].

Now, why exactly this is and what evolutionary advantage this feature has is unclear, because IA died right before he could figure out the answer.

And it may or may not be JP’s fault.

Uh anyways back to Inner Greed’s printer? Oh yeah! So Greed has the ginormous machine that resembles a kind of 3D Printer. And essentially, he can produce literally anything [and I mean ANYTHING] in large quantities as long as he has the filament. The filament in question is artificially crafted and owned by Greed and Greed only. The cost to create something using Greed’s printer is insanely high, so usually only the rich and elite can afford to even come close to the thing [obviously, this IS Greed we are talking about!] Usually, companies will collaborate with Greed to pump out products in mass amounts where they then sell it off to the public for a lower, yet still expensive price. People mainly prefer to buy products from these companies because of a little bit of Greed propaganda. He assures everyone his printed products are higher quality, better for the environment and health [when that’s entirely false], and the price is totally worth it! Even though you’d have to sell your newborn to even afford housing and shi. Nowadays, a majority of big companies get their stuff from Greed. Awesome. I love capitalism. Also Inner Greed is essentially controls the government and military and.. well pretty much everything which is why the Knights need him GONE. [Random fact? The Chainsaw General Guy -What’s his face- is Greed’s right hand man here, even though he hates working for Greed and just needs to pay off a debt. I dunno]

But like I said, Greed’s machine can print anything and everything. That includes printing people, cloning the powerful, nd’ reviving the dead. Hell yeah! 3D printing necromancy babeyy!!

The only issue with this system is the fact that it’s virtually impossible to do any of this as a layperson. The process is not only INCREDIBLY difficult [you yourself need to provide the resources/materials for filament] and time consuming, it’s extortionate!! Obviously it’s gonna be expensive, this is Greed after all, but even the most wealthy elites [aside from Greed’s inner circle] are hesitant to pay the price and only really do it when they get extremely desperate. Just imagine your average millionaire’s yearly income I guess. Anywho, if you were somehow able to afford and pay for this service, the steps required are just as troublesome. First, you’d need the body of the subject you’d want to print, and it needs to be preserved perfectly. That is to say, if the body of a dead person sustained any injury [internal or external] they’d need to be fixed before bringing them to Greed or he’ll just print them out as is, and there’s no going back or fixing it afterwards. And trust me, the medical bills are just as bad. So if you broke your leg before you die you gotta get that thing back in place or else you’ll just come back with a permanent broken leg. This also just makes it hard for those whose bodies are missing to be revived, those like Inner Ambition- I’m getting ahead of myself. Anyways, after receiving and scanning the body, you’d need to provide Greed with a large enough sample of preserved DNA and tissue to be mixed in with his artificial filament. Oh, remember when I explained Solid Space and said it can’t be artificially recreated? Yeah, well Greed will just replace that space with a clear, resin like substance that mimics the appearance of solid space but really acts more like a glass tube where you can see your insides through. Extremely fragile and painful to live with. And after all that you’d the wait a month, give or take? Depends on how nice Greed was feeling that moment.

All that time and effort… and only to have the husk [body] of the person you’re printing. You’d need to go to Greed AGAIN and have him reprogram a conscience and memories back into the husk to fully complete the process. So yeah. Capitalism win. The only exception to this would be Greed’s inner circle of people which he has their bodies already archived for quick and easy printing. The inner circle in question being made up of mostly rich political figures who JP is also tasked with getting rid of.

Not too sure if any of this makes sense or is that relevant to the story that I had to flesh it out like that. I stopped working on the AU immediately after my hyperfixation died off.

But basically JP doesn’t wanna have to go through that process because that’s annoying as hell, plus Greed also seems to hate him and the Inner Critic so he wouldn’t dare revive that guy. Makes JP’s mission a lot more complicated. But I guess that’s his fault-

So now JP’s real goal has become more of a “figure out what you did to turn the world to ruin and repay for the damages and crimes while also restoring order to the kingdom” or something like that. Because JP isn’t really the hero the story initially sets him out to be. All this while trying to return back to reality… yeah this is gonna be a long mission. Existential crises, battles n betrayals, Y’know the like.

And that’s… as much as I wrote before effectively forgetting about it and never continuing the story from there. And man in retrospect this is an absolutely insane AU that I could probably rewrite and improve but hey, this dumbass post is long enough as is. So many tangents and ramblings…sorry I don’t know how to conclude this chaotic mess of a post. I am exhausted. I’m glad I finally finished writing this so I can post it and stop thinking about it LOL 😭🙏 If anyone cares, I don’t have any official designs for this AU so feel free to come up with your own interpretations.

Anywhos, thank you for the ask and I hope this wasn’t too awful of a read [that is, if anyone actually read all of this. Sorry XD] Much love to you all.

[chososcamgirl]

HIII SIGMA ALPHA IYAAA HRUU?? 💗 I HOPE UR DAY WAS VERY SKIBIDI + DONT STAY UP TOO LATE CUS IK U READ THESE AT LIKE 1AM 😭‼️

I HAD MY FIRST TEST OF THE WEEK… ARRFHNRITBBTRBIUGTBIGUTR I FAILED SO BAD OMG… I HAD TO GUESS FOR HALF OF THEM.. IM DEEEEEPPP FRIED CUS THIS TEST AFFECTTS MY GRADE HEAVYY 🧎‍♀️UGIRGRIHUNGNRUG I DID NOTTTTT LOCK IN GANG…. 😪🤞

AJNTROGWWNTRJGNGT IM SO TIRED AND ITS ONLY 10AM HERE… I WISH IT WAS THE WEEKEND ALR CUS SCHOOL IS SO DRAINING I FEEL LIKE IVE BEEN HERE FOR HOURRSSSS ALRRR 👿🐺

I LOWK MESSED UP MY SLEEP SCHEDULE AND NOW IM LOSING TRACK OF TIME.. IM GONAN TRY TO SLEEP RLLY EWARLY TODAY TO TRY AND FIX IT CAUSE I KEEP FORGETTING WHAT DAY IT IS AND WHAT IM SUPPOSED TO DO

NFJNTERNRTENJTRTR IM GETTING MORE COMFORTABLE IN MY NEW SCHOOL (lore drop?? IDK IM PRETTY SURE IVE MENTIONED HOW I BARLEY TALK TO PPL/IM NEW) BUT IVE STARTED LIKE WAVING TO PPL AND STARTING CONVERSATIONS.. THIS IS A GOOD SIGN.. HOPEFULLY I CAN MAKE A NEW FRIEND SOON CUS IM LOWK LONLEY AF IN SCHOOL (even though it adds to my mysteriousness and nonchalantness… im too much of a lone wolf for this beta school… heh… lowk need to find a PACK in school… 😈🐺🥶

TELL ME HOW UR DAY WENT ALPHAA SIGMAAAA 💪 HOPE IT WAS SIGMA!!! IF U WENT TO WORK TODAY TELL ME HOW IT WENTT + WRITING CH.9 WHILE LISTENING TO CAUSAL… 👀 IM SO PUMPED FOR SJAP WEEKENDD (but make sure to take ur time and take breaks sigma… its okay to edge us.. I love being edged 😈 SRSLY THO DONT FEEL PRESSURED TO RUSH CUS IK MAKING SMAUs + WRITING CAN B STRESSSFUL)

OKOKOK QOTD ANSWERRR ID SAY PIE… CUS CAKE IS RLLY SWEET AND I PREFER SAVORY…. IVE ONLY HAD PIE LIKE 4 TIMES IN MY LIFE BUT I DONT FEEL LIKE ITS AS SWEET AS CAKE 🤤

+ WE STILL NEED A PACK NAME 😭‼️ LEAVE SIGMA SUGGESTIONS CUS IM IN A CREATIVITY CRISIS AND HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO NAME THE PACK 👿

QOTDD ‼️💪😈 THIS ONES FUN…. WHATS UR MOST JAW DROPPING, TOE CURLING, STOMACH TURNING, MIGRAINE CAUSING HEAR ME OUT CHARACTER ‼️ THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT I MUST KNOW SIGMA 🤤

-🐺

HI ALPHA!! 🐺🐺

srry i’ve been lacking in the ask department pls don’t be mad💔 seeing this ask made my day tho 😭 i’ve been crazy tired and busy but i am answering this at midnight LOL

AW DONT WORRY ALPHA YOULL DO BETTER NEXT TIME <33 a grade doesn’t define you🙂‍↕️ THE WEEKEND IS ALMOST HERE!! my body has been aching so bad so i feel you 👎 omg i hope ur sleeping pattern gets better! having an irregular sleeping schedule is crazy work and is so draining tbh😭

YAY FOR NEW SCHOOL! i’m so proud of u that’s a big milestone! trust ur aura is intimidating all the betas… but soon real alphas will come and join ur pack😈😈😈 ILL POST A SNEAK OF SJAP CHAP 9 TMR AFTER WORK!! IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS CHAP TO DROP YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!! OOO OKAY PIE I LIKE IT (opposites attract😏) yes we do need a pack name SO BAD PLA GUYS ANYONE HELP US🙏🙏‼️

AOTD‼️ …..mahito 💥💥💥💥🔫🔫🔫🔫 DIES

PLS TELL ME ABOUT THE PAST TWO DAYS ALPHA IVE BEEN MOSSING HR ASKS <33

[sonny-d]

actually thank u so much bc that is exactly what i meant i just didnt know that so heres everything i think abt all that but actually so unorganized bc idk how to do that

so first i rly rly liked what u had to say abt gaius being manipulative that bit that was an icky bc its literally so true and it feeds into the idea that gaius and uther were the first generation of merlin and arthur bc gaius was uthers close friend like rly rly close and we know this bc gaius was an active practicer of magic when the great purge happened and uther just let it slide as long as gaius stopped but also that means gaius had to watch uther hunt his sorcerer friends so that fucked him up and hes pushing that on merlin now bc gaius does not want to lose merlin like he lost everyone else and thats also why hes so fast to take merlins place on the pyre bc gaius has watched his friends take that L for so long that he finally wants to be the one to do it and gaius actively is aware of that but never says it bc he bottled everything up so bad like merlin does now

i do not plan to go in order of what was said im going in order of the most aggressive thought so next is abt merlin losing it and telling arthur everything;

there are definitely ways this could not happen depending what specific point on the timeline it is but im gonna say its late season 4/early season 5 once everyone who knew merlins secret openly is dead (gwaine fucking know istg theres no way he doesnt but he just never said anything) so gaius was all he had left

actually side note but gaius dying wouldve been so fucking good with the gaius/uther merlin/arthur parallel bc uther died so arthurs struggling with that then gaius died and it ushers in the new era its like in bsd with the skk generations one of them has to break up for the next one to rise

anyway tho gaius is gone so now merlin has no one to tell all his shit bc gaius got the absolute worst of him bc he gave arthur the rest (reference to a fic ill link later) so everybody expected merlin to be upset a lil dead for a bit he and gaius were so close that cant have been easy but hes a strong lil guy he’ll be ok he can get thru it but arthur noticed that its not like that fucking at all merlin literally has not spoken bc he cant all the shit he has to say he can only say to gaius so hes been dead ass silent he has not been taking care of himself bc his motivation to is gone gaius was the one that made sure he ate and slept enough and didnt do stupid shit but now hes gone merlin literally can barely funtion so arthurs like mkay wtf is up and confronts merlin and it ends in merlin saying literally everything

i also feel like maybe merlin wouldve felt like he didnt have a place there anymore bc smth abt having magic and that great destiny with no one left who can help him bc he knows he cant do all the shit he does alone

last thought but i figured out the difference between gaius dying and kilgharrah dying i alr explained the kilgharrah dying idea but with gaius merlin would reflect on everything and this goes back to the good/wrong bad/right idea bc merlin wouldve realized that gaius was not necessarily wrong some of the time and if merlin had gone with good instead of bad even when it looked like good was wrong and bad was right things wouldve ended up ok so now that hes thought all that out he realizes that he thinks telling arthur is right so he does i think hed probably have his dead silent arc then wander his ass into arthurs room and just fucking say everything thats hes ever wanted to say to arthur that he told gaius instead and its kinda like a respects to gaius thing idrk how to explain but in his grief he spills all that and it ends up being ok bc arthur literally cannot be mad while merlins grieving that hard or hed be an asshole hed be just like his father

thats it for now ill probably add onto this bc this sparked thoughts abt arthur and i needed those so thank u so so so much i loved this it was so silly i hadnt had a good full theory write in way too long also i appreciate that u liked my lil good/bad right/wrong chart ok toodles🤭🤭

ive said before that kilgharrah dying is very important to merlins Going Fucking Crazy arc and is kinda a breaking point like if hed actually died instead of just started getting there merlin wouldve lost his shit and continued down the path of obsession he was on but so much faster

but what if gaius died

the reason thats such a big omg what if goes back to when i said that gaius is merlins good wrong influence and kilgharrah is merlins bad right influence (this post) so kilgharrah dying sends merlin further into corruption bc bad/right but gaius being good/wrong would that have taken merlin back out of the corruption path and everything wouldve been ok?

im also realizing that every scenario i come up with ends in everything is ok so i think that the way things went in canon is the only possible collection of events to lead to the bad ending

[ggidolsmuts]

Missed Messages - Brave Girls Yujeong

*Hey, u up?*

You cock an eyebrow—you were not expecting to get that message close to midnight, you certainly were not expecting to get that message from Yujeong.

*Yes, what's up*

*Can you come over?*

Your eyebrow goes even higher, almost to the ceiling in skeptic surprise.

*Sure, I guess?*

You quickly get dressed, and head over to her place. You barely get one knock in before the door is flung open. You almost forgot how sexy Yujeong is, but it comes back in full force as she greets you wearing an oversized t-shirt and far too tiny shorts, her thighs on full display.

"Hey! Come in. Long time no see." Immediately Yujeong is clingy, her hands around your neck, a leg rubbing against you—she is in full seduction mode.

"Whoa, what are you doing? What would your boyfriend say?"

"Boyfriend, what boyfriend?" Yujeong had all but stopped responding to your booty calls, and you figured she had found herself a boyfriend. Apparently not.

"I mean you stopped responding to my messages, so I assumed you didn't need a fuck buddy anymore."

"Oh no no, I didn't find a boyfriend, I was just doing No Nut November."

"No Nut November, you can do that?"

"Hey, equality! Who says women can't do No Nut November?"

"I mean, you can't nut—" The protest dies at the sight of Yujeong's glare, but her pout helps soften the blow.

"No but we can still cum! So I did it, and guess what day it is today?"

"November 30?"

"Not for long, so want to help me celebrate?"

You were a little annoyed, and let her know. "You should have told me you were doing it..."

"Aww, were you pent up as well, were you rubbing it out to thoughts of me?" She teases in a high-pitched voice, but it ends on a husky note, biting her lower lip to entice you to say yes.

"No! Maybe. Sometimes..." You falter in front of her advances.

"Help out pretty please? I'll make up for all the lost time." Yujeong's breath is hot and heavy at your ear, and instinctively you wrap an arm around her waist, drawing her close. You crush her curves against you, and her whimper is delightful. "Ah! Slow down, I'm—mmm! Sensitive!" After having denied herself for a month, Yujeong erogenous zones are on fire and starting to awake with a vengeance. Your urges surge too, all the missed nights with Yujeong coming back in full force.

"How badly do you want to cum?" you whisper huskily, your arm stroking up and down her back. Yujeong is positively purring, pushing her generous chest against you, her stiff nubs very evident as she squirms against you.

"So badly, I want to cum so hard, please oppa..."

-----

"That's what I want to hear." A hand sneaks under her tee from behind, and she trembles as you tap your way down her lower back. "I want to hear every time you cum, you're gonna tell me when it happens." The hand makes her way into her shorts, squeezing a juicy cheek—no underwear, how wonderful. "And we're not stopping until I'm satisfied. I’m going to stuff a whole month’s worth of cum into you."

Oh god yes!

Yujeong is dizzy, already leaning into him as he promises her everything she needed. He lifts her, his hand firmly glued to her butt as he carries them to her bedroom. The hand finally leaves her when her head nestles on a pillow, his lips pushing her deeper into it. She feels his hand through her t-shirt, and in the moment she wanted nothing more but to tear it off herself, to feel him skin-to-skin. But he holds her still, his tongue licking her lips for entrance. Yujeong gives it willingly, and he kisses her even more aggressively, snatching oxygen from her. He leaves her breathless, her world spinning as she lay on the bed.

When did he kiss so well?!

Her thoughts are interrupted by an embarrassing whimper when she feels her thighs touch—somewhere while kissing her, he had removed her shorts! His hand rests on her hip, but her squirming and whining entice him to drift between her legs. It turns out to be the wrong move though, and he simply rests his fingers on her mons, right above her already swelling clit. Over and over he traces small circles on her skin, and it is infuriatingly unsatisfying to Yujeong, who tries to buck her hips up, trying to get him to just touch her already!

"Now now, be patient." His fingers firmly exert pressure right above her pussy, pushing her back down on to the bed. "You've waited 30 days, you can wait a little more."

No I can't! she wants to scream, but the only sound leaving her is a sputtering moan. He smirks, and Yujeong, not knowing that "a little more" meant "less than 5 seconds", opens her eyes wide as he plunges two fingers into her, rubbing her clit roughly as he did so.

"Fuck!" This time she does scream, her entire body lifting off the bed, pushing his fingers deep into her. So slick and aroused Yujeong was, her walls practically part themselves to let him in before convulsing in ecstasy. She fucks herself on his fingers, her hips bucking mindlessly in mid-air as she rides out her climax, having waited weeks for this moment. He supports her lower back, keeping her in the air as he pumps his fingers through her orgasm, making her drench his hand in juice.

After a few moments Yujeong's first orgasm of the night winds down, and with a sob of relief he lets go of her, causing her to crash on the bed in a boneless lump. Look to her dressing table, and he finds what he is looking for—her lipstick.

"Did you cum?"

Yujeong turns to him, confused. "What, of course I did, you couldn't tell?"

"I want to hear you say it."

"I—I came," she admits. Hard! she forgets to add. She gasps at the foreign sensation of lipstick on her mons, right where his fingers were earlier.

"That's one."

Her t-shirt wasn't even off yet.

You taste your hand, and looking at your dazed fuck buddy on the bed, you had an urge to taste more.

"Off." You tug on her top, and Yujeong hurriedly complies, nearly tearing it off, eager for more. You lock her lips against yours, your hands fondling her tits firmly, the sensitivity making her whine. You kiss down her neck, leaving marks as you go, a small punishment for not telling you about No Nut November.

Stiff nipples are tender by the time you are done with them, swirling and flicking and suckling her till she's trying to push your head away. Her tummy's twitches as you move down, and by the time you're nestled between her legs, she is absolutely quivering in anticipation. You pause to look up—her eyes are wide and round, both yearning for and fearing what you would do to her next.

You dive in, and Yujeong shrieks again. You utterly devour the delicacy that is her pussy, making out with it much like you did to her mouth earlier. The flesh past her folds taste sweet, and you taste every bit of her you can get at, your upper lip bumping against her clit, making her pleasure hit her upper limit, and going well past that.

"Oppa I'm fucking cumming!" she screams and creams, her hand in your hair, doing as her body wants and driving you deeper into her. Her toes curl and grip the sheets, just like her fingers digging into your scalp. "Oh god—" the rest of it is muffled by her thighs squeezing your head, but body language is an effective form of communication, and her pussy tries to crush your tongue as it leaks sweet slick into your mouth.

You want to keep your tongue intact to eat her out some other time, and so your fingers bring Yujeong off again, plunging back into her juicy core while you suck and lick at her nub. Her hips twist and roll, half of her trying to keep you away from her sensitive slit. The other half of her say otherwise, and with her legs trapping you between them, you doggedly mirror her movements, keeping her in an infinite loop of pleasure as her hips draw pointless figure eights.

"F-Fuck, oppa stop, you're gonna— Ah fuck I'm cumming again!" Yujeong squeals as another one hits her, and you finally let go of her hips. Yujeong looks utterly fucked as you pick up the lipstick.

"How many?"

"Give me a sec oppa!" She takes a few deep breaths, her face flush. "Four? Five? Go with five." You draw five lines on her, but it's not enough.

"You can still count them, that's no good, where are your toys?"

"Oppa, I have my favorite toy right here..." Yujeong tugs on your pants, trying to get you to join in, but you're not done with her yet.

"No, later. Where are your toys."

"I want to feel you in me, please please please!" Her pleading is almost enough to get you to tear off your clothes and take her right away, almost. You still had work to do.

"No, toys, now."

"That drawer." A massage wand and a simple dildo is what you find in the drawer she points to.

"That's it?"

"I threw a lot away to, you know, not tempt myself." You make your choice and pick up the wand.

"You were actually trying weren't you?"

"Yes, so please, make me cum with your cock!" She tries to push the wand away, but you stay firm, holding it close to her crotch.

"Now now, think about your wand, it must feel so neglected, just like I am." Yujeong gasps as you place the wand at her dripping slit. "Now cum for your toy."

Merely setting the wand on low is enough to send her writhing on the bed, her gorgeous thighs trapping your arm between her legs. You enjoy Yujeong's tight body as the wand overloads her on pleasure, kissing her abs, groping a jiggling breast, and planting more marks on her neck. More whines and moans leave her lips as you brush her pussy with the wand, but you have yet to hear the magic words.

"Mmmmm!" Yujeong bites into her pillow when you turn the wand setting up and push the head firmly on her slit, her hips beginning to buck out of control. You hear lewd wet sounds from between her legs, and you prompt her.

"Don't forget—"

"I'm cumming, I'm cumming!" Yujeong announces loudly into the bedroom, her body doubled over, curling on herself. You manage to mark another line on her with the lipstick.

"Good, have a few more." The wand is put on the highest setting, and Yujeong slowly becomes incoherent and indecent.

"I'm cumming again, fuck!"

"Ah! Cumming!"

"Ah, again..."

"Oppa slow—"

"I'm cum—"

"Mmm!"

"Nngh..."

Drooling and leaking tears of overstimulation Yujeong finally falls silent, quietly succumbing and taking all the pleasure the batteries in the wand had to give her. She orgasms a few more times, but she’s too out of it to call them out. Instead you watch her expressions twist and contort, every peak bringing something fresh, her pretty face describing the ways you’re making her cum.

You keep count for her with lipstick marks, watching her pussy twitch and her body jerk over the imperious buzz of the wand. You planned to mark every day of the month on her body—fortunately for her the wand runs out of power, and fortunately for you, your work is already done.

Yujeong finally relaxes on the bed as the vibrating stops, and you mark her last few orgasms with lipstick. She wipes the drool from her mouth as she languidly props herself up on her arms to look at you. Still buzzed from too many orgasms, she unconsciously licks her lips as you strip naked, your hard rod staring straight at her. She is sweaty and flushed, with a puddle of slick between her legs that's soaking through the bedsheets—Yujeong looked absolutely enticing.

"You look so fuckable right now," you murmur, getting on top of her, pressing your tip against her entrance, you can feel her contract in anticipation.

"Ah... fuck me then oppa..." she whines, arching herself against you when your tip penetrates her.

"Look down." Yujeong looks down her body, shining with sweat, and she sees the mess of lipstick marks you left on her, right above where you two are connected. "What does it say?"

You play with her breasts, and Yujeong squirms, eager for you to move. "I can't read it, you wrote it upside down!"

"I'll tell you then."

You trace each stroke with your finger as you murmur in her ear. "It spells M, I, N, E."

-----

"This pussy is mine."

He growls and snaps his hips into hers, and Yujeong's mind goes completely blank, her body clenching on his stiff staff, immediately overtaken by sheer arousal. She screams, but no sound comes out—her lips are sealed, and he is sucking the air out of her!

"Did you cum already? I haven't even started fucking you yet." Her face red from embarrassment and the sudden orgasm, she can only nod breathlessly.

"Whose pussy is this?" he asks her brazenly, and from his hungry look Yujeong knows he's not moving an inch until she hears her say it. He doesn't have to wait long, and she gives in fully to his desires, to satisfy her own desires.

"Yours," she sighs and squirms against him, begging him to move. "It's yours, stretch it, ruin it, destroy it, I don't care, just fuck it and make me feel good!" His hands are on her curvy thighs, and she groans as he makes her stretch into a near split, pressing them on the bed.

"Ah fuck I missed this!" he moans as he splits her split open, Yujeong's legs flail and kick uselessly with every penetration and extraction, each pull back of his hips pumping more slick on to the already soaked bed. Every powerful thrust into her is met with a cry as he turns her to putty, shaping her from the inside.

After a month away from her, the only way to describe his actions is ferocious, and he rips, tears, and takes all the pleasure from Yujeong, carving every throbbing vein of his cock into her walls in minute detail. Her skin is marked not only with lipstick, but also many red hand prints. Pinning her thighs against the bed, gripping her hips, painfully grabbing her breasts, and then half choking her, his fingers around her throat—his hands did not stay idle. Yujeong didn't care, she couldn't. He didn't give her time to care.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Needlessly Yujeong narrates what she is subjected to, pound after smash after lunge sending electricity straight up her spine and triggering one exhilaratingly exhausting climax after another. She's only coherent enough to recognize one word.

"Mine." He hugs her tight and thrusts deep inside her. It is almost a relief when he finally explodes, marking her from the inside just as he did on the outside. The sudden burst of warmth in her loins spreads rapidly to the rest of her body.

"God..." she calls for her deity as the heat grows without limits—she was sure he had gone through No Nut November as well, so large was his load she can feel herself almost swell to accommodate all of his seed. The thought is enough for her to choke out a sob and cum again, shuddering underneath him.

-----

For a while only harsh breaths and soft moans are heard as you recover from the insane peak you took from Yujeong. You look at her, only to find her eyes closed, mouthing something softly.

"So much, too much..."

Your eyes drift down her flushed body, past the lipstick marks, only to find an absolute mess of white. You make a few more marks with her lipstick, drawing an arrow to her pussy from your "stamp" on her. As you do so, the pressure you put on her hips seems to force a few more globs of seed out of her slit, and a second wind takes you in primal fashion—you wanted to fill her with more, see more of it leak out. You slide back into her, compacting the cum inside her, sending some deeper into her womb while the rest leaks out the side with a lewd squelch.

Yujeong feebly reaches for you. "Oppa I can't..."

"My pussy says otherwise." Already her walls were tightening around you, ready to milk you for round two. "Do you know how many messages you ignored?"

She shakes her head. You lift her legs on your shoulders.

"Keep count then, every load I put into you is a message missed."

You start thrusting, and you know no one will be keeping count—her eyes are already rolling in her head.

Both of you lose track of time—you bend her in half, and the load you give her then drips out as you take her on all fours afterwards. But she crashes to the bed, making you waste a load covering her instead. Annoyed, you pound her prone, rippling her thighs as you pump her full of cum with a vengeance. You throw her on top of you and spray in her like a fountain for good measure. Finally you fuck her as she lay sideways on the bed, her breasts jiggling only slightly as you tiredly pull her hips towards you with every thrust.

Yujeong is on the line between coherence and lunacy, randomly whimpering and tightening around your cock, in the throes of one orgasm or another, every time trying to milk you for that one last load so that you'd stop, except it seems to never come.

Yujeong's fingers and toes curl and uncurl numbly, so exhausted and frayed from overstimulation that her senses are fried and can't work properly anymore. The only sensations she can still feel are the unceasing jolts of joy sparking between her legs while you fuck her senseless.

"Oppa, please, your pussy can't take it anymore..." With a grunt of satisfaction at her begging you fire your last load into her tightness before finally collapsing next to her, both of you pushed well past any sane limit of endurance. Yujeong curls up against you and goes still, and for the briefest of moments you reach for her face, considering if you should check for breathing. Until you hear the smallest whimper of satisfaction.

"Thanks oppa."

You gently caress her cheek and succumb to slumber next to her.

You wake up the next morning to find Yujeong facing you.

"Good morning," you mumble. "How are you feeling?"

"So sore, look at the mess we made." It truly was a mess—smudged lipstick marks and dried cum all over her body, particularly between her thighs. You sniff and smell the soaked and sweaty sex-smelling sheets, plus a sticky wand on the floor. "You fucked my room up."

"Sorry." You pick up the leftover lipstick, most of it broken off sometime last night. Her pout at the sight makes your heart twinge. "I'll get you a new one."

"Thanks, you used an expensive one there." She clings on to you from behind in a weak hug. "It was fucking amazing though."

"Good, I missed you a lot too. Don't ghost me like that again." You turn around and hug her back.

"Yah, just because I said it was your pussy doesn't mean it is, who knows, maybe I do find someone and really ghost you then."

"Now you're just trying to annoy me again aren't you?"

"Hmph, you know the song, if you liked it then you should put a ring on it."

"Maybe I should." You take her hand and wrap two fingers around her ring finger, as if trying to size her.

"Yah!" This time Yujeong sounds a lot whinier, and you notice her blush. "Help me clean up! I'll go take a shower."

You get dressed and help her change the bed sheets, throwing it into her washer. Yujeong comes out of the shower dressed, and she looks more cute then sexy, an image that never occurred to you before.

"Thanks. What time is it? Want to get lunch?" You look at her, her question wrong-footing you—after sex you two normally went your own ways, this was a first.

"Umm sure, can I take a quick shower?" you ask, gesturing to the bathroom.

"Sure, quickly then, I'm hungry!"

You shower fast, barely getting dressed before Yujeong pulls you out the door. For the first time ever you find yourself sitting across from Yujeong, watching her down her soda in one shot before demolishing her noodles. And for the first time ever you're talking to her like a normal person, laughing along with her, actually getting to know her. Maybe this is the start of something new, just maybe. For the first time ever Yujeong slips her arm around yours as you exit the restaurant.

But then a familiar question is asked, definitely not for the first time. "Can I come over?" You look at her, surprised twice in one day.

"You... want to go again? You sure?" You admit you were a little worried about her, and also because you felt completely drained.

"No you pervert, I want my afternoon nap, I can't sleep in my bed right now can I?"

"Oh, yeah you can come over." You take her back to your place, and for some reason Yujeong waits outside the door—was she waiting for you to invite her in? Not like this was the first time you had her over, maybe things have changed. "You want to come in?"

"Oh, thanks oppa, bedroom's here right? I'll just take a quick nap."

"Sure, yell if you need anything." Yujeong closes the door, and you plop down on your sofa to rest as well.

You barely remember closing your eyes when you hear Yujeong again.

"Oppa!"

"What is it?"

"Can I get some water?"

"Fine, coming."

You nearly drop the water when you enter the room, seeing Yujeong in only her underwear, walking towards you.

"What happened to your nap?"

"Can't sleep, just one round maybe?" She tiptoes to whisper in your ear. "After No Nut November, it's time for Dicked Down December." Yujeong jumps on your bed, unhooking her bra and letting it fall off her, revealing her bare back.

You groan at the sight of her getting on all fours, shaking her hips alluringly—you suppose you could go one more round. "Careful what you ask for."

She looks back at you, winking and biting her lip. Some things never change.

A/N: Another one of those stories I had a huge problem with finding the right idol for, but I think Yujeong ended up being a good choice. Thanks for reading!

Also, here are my other abbreviations for months in a year, because I was bored

JJJ - Jacking and Jilling January

FFF - Finger Fuck February

MMM - Mutual Masturbation March

AAA - Anal Annihilation April

Skip May/June/July because it’s the same letters

SSS - Super Squirting September

OOO - Orgasm Overload October

[the-fandom-took-over-my-life]

The one where he blipped and you didn’t (Ch. 1)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Summary: Peter blipped. You didn’t. Now you’re both the same age and he’s confused by the kid he used to know and the girl you are now.

Word Count: 3k-ish

Warnings: Language, INFINITY WAR AND ENDGAME SPOILERS

A/N: Okay, this is Chapter One to this series. It’s a little long, I got carried away (sorry not sorry). Let me know what you think! Remember I also do requests, pls don’t get discouraged by my amateur profile, I’m still figuring it all out :)

Read the intro first

CHAPTER ONE

"Y/N, get your ass out of bed, you're going to be late." you heard Rhodey scold through your open door. 

"Language" you mumbled sleepily. 

"Goddamn- I don't have time for this." you heard him grumble under his breath and suddenly the fluorescent lights in your room switched on and you yelped in surprise, flinging the covers over your head. Rhodey chuckled and you heard your door swing shut. 

"If I come back in 20 minutes and you're still in bed, I'm going to personally fly you to school." he said through the door and walked away.

You smiled sleepily. Rhodey, though he was tough on you, cared about you like his own daughter. Nearly eleven years ago your mother had died in a car crash and you were sent to live with your father, Tony. You, being so young, were excited to finally meet your father. Tony, on the other hand, was a wreck. He had just announced to the world that he was Iron Man and the last thing he wanted was to take care of and raise a child, whether it be his or not. He had all intention of sending you off to boarding school but, when he met you, he refused to make the same mistakes his father did. You instantly melted his heart with your smile and your big E/C eyes. After deciding to take you in, he asked Rhodey to be your Godfather, not that he was a very religious man, he just wanted someone else to be there for you if there came a day that he couldn't. 

Deciding not to test Rhodey's threat, you rolled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom. Your reflection in the mirror, in the such loving words of Peter, looked as if death had walked over you...twice. It wasn't a secret that, since the battle and your dad's death, you haven't been sleeping well. Thankfully, nightmares were a thing of the past ever since Bruce gave you something that evaded them. You remembered waking up screaming, tears streaming down your face, causing Rhodey to come and calm you down in the middle of the night. Every night you were forced to relive a part of the battle, and every night you were forced to see your dad die. Now, your sleep was a void that, although lacked the trauma, was a difficult place to find peace.

You scrubbed your face and brushed your teeth, avoiding your face in the mirror, and walked back into your room. Not really in the mood to dress nice, you pulled on some black tights and a big sweatshirt that was draped over your desk chair. You slipped on your converse and walked back into the bathroom to put concealer under your eyes. The last thing your need is for one of your teachers to send your to the counselors office because of your physical appearance...again.

Deciding you looked presentable, you slung your backpack over your shoulder and started downstairs before rushing back to your room to grab your phone, still charging on your nightstand. You found 6 new messages. 

(1) Spider-thing: Hey are you gonna go to Flash's party tonight?

(2) Spider-thing: Don't tell me you slept in again

(3) Spider-thing: ok nvm I'll see u at school

(4) Ned: Hey Y/N u wanna go to Flash's tonight? 

(5) Ned: Peter might confess his undying love for u, u never know 

(6) Flash: Hope to see u at my party tonight I'll b waiting ;)

You rolled your eyes at Flash's text, and clicked the notification form Ned. 

Y/N: yeah right after he confesses his undying love for Flash 

He replied immediately, making you chuckle. 

Ned: I'm telling u, he's got it bad 4 u 

You rolled your eyes and slipped your phone in your back pocket. You found it funny; Ned's obsession with the idea of you and Peter as a couple, and sometimes you went along with it just to tease Peter, but that's all it was, teasing. Sure, he was hot and sweet and funny and, before the snap, these things nourished a major crush that bloomed in your little pre-teen heart. But things changed, you got older and, when he came back the same age as you, you had to remember that he probably still saw you as that little girl he used to babysit. 

~TIME SKIP~

"Bye Happy, I'll see you after school!" you said, blowing Happy a kiss as you closed the car door. Happy rolled down his window. 

"Call me if anything happens. Just call and I'll come and get you." 

"I will." you said watched him drive off. Happy was, despite the fact that it's been a few months since everything happened, still worried about you. You didn't mind it though, you loved him for it.

Sighing, you walked into the building that leered over you. For the first time today, you realized how heavy your backpack was and you made a beeline for your locker. You smiled sadly and recalled how Nat would always get after you for carrying too much and you would get the lecture about how, even though you were an Avenger, you still had to take care of yourself. You stacked the books in your locker, slammed the door shut, and found yourself face to face with Peter. 

"SHIT!" you shrieked as he howled with laughter. 

"You shoulda- you should have seen your face" he said between breaths. 

You rolled your eyes and shoved him into the lockers. 

"This isn't funny you idiot, I could have attacked you" you said despite the smile growing on your lips.

"I can take you Stark" he said, regaining his breath. 

"In your dreams Parker"

It was his turn to roll his eyes. It was then that you noticed the two coffee cups he held. You sighed in relief and gratefully took one from him. 

"Anyway, you ignored my texts this morning. You wanna go to the party?" he said falling in step with you as you walked towards your first class. 

"I don't know. Flash's parties always end with someone almost drowning in the pool or jumping off the roof." 

"Oh c'mon, let's go. Maybe this time it'll be Flash jumping off the roof and it'll put us all out of our misery." 

You couldn't stop the giggle that bubbled from your lips and you were about to reply when someone called you from behind. 

You both turned to see Brad Davis walking briskly towards you. You smiled at him and slowed your pace so he could catch up. 

"Hey Y/N, hey Peter." he said walking up beside you. 

"Sup" Peter grumbled. You sent him a sideways glare and turned to up at Brad.

Despite the numerous times you questioned Peter about his silent grudge against Brad, he could never give you a straight answer on why he hated him. "I don't trust him" he would always say, but you could never figure out why. Brad, like you, survived the snap and, because you were both in the same grade, became friends. 

"Are you guys going to the party tonight?" he asked.

"Jeez, is that the only thing everyone cares about?" you said jokingly.

"Well, it is the only good thing about high school" he said, making you laugh. 

Over the past couple of years, Brad was the person who got to hear all the complaints you had about high school. He had always been an annoyingly upbeat guy and he took all your complaints in stride, turning them into something that you should be grateful for. The last five years gave you very few things to be grateful for, but Brad was one of them. 

"You're definitely right about that. But, yeah we're planning on going" you said, slightly nudging Peter next to you.

"Awesome. I'll see you there then." Brad said and waved as he turned down a passing hallway. 

"Aw, I love Brad" you said fondly as you watched him disappear in the growing crowd of students. You looked up at Peter just in time to see him roll his eyes at your comment. You frowned at him, annoyed of his attitude. 

"Dude, seriously, what the hell is your problem?" 

 "Nothing. He just rubs me the wrong way I guess."  he said with a shrug.

It was your turn to roll your eyes.

 "Oh c'mon. you're just mad that he became hot while you were gone and now all the girls want him" 

"It's just weird. One day he was this tiny annoying kid and the next he's huge." Peter said before bringing his coffee to his lips. 

"Well it wasn't like that for all of us." you reminded him. "And how is that weird for you? You literally got bit by a spider and became hot overnight." 

At your words Peter choked on his coffee and coughed furiously, trying to breathe through the hot liquid. 

"Y-you think I'm hot?" he spluttered in disbelief 

For about the millionth time this morning, you rolled your eyes at him. 

"Dude, have you seen your abs? I had the biggest crush on you and your stupid hot spider muscles" you said with a smirk.

Peter stopped in his tracks in the middle of the hall and stared at you with huge eyes.

 "You had a crush on me?" 

 "Yeah, when I was like 13. You don't think I actually needed so much help on my algebra homework, did you? What's the matter with you?" you said laughing

Peter was staring at you like you had just dropped from another planet.

"I-I just never knew you felt that way about me." he said, eyes still wide.

You rose your eyebrows at him. 

"Yeah, well, I was a kid. I also thought the tooth fairy was real. I grew up. Anyway, let's forget that I was once a pre-teen and move on."

Peter furrowed his eyebrows at you, but let the subject go. He walked quietly beside you and barely even acknowledged you when you turned into your calculus class, telling him you'll see him later. Confused, you shot a text to Ned.

Y/N: Dude Peter's being weird

Ned: He's always weird what's ur point? 

Y/N: true

Y/N: ur right, nvm I'll see u at lunch

Ned: cool

Accepting that Ned was right, you chose to forget about Peter and try to focus on the party that awaited tonight as your teacher started the lecture. 'Derivatives' you thought with a smirk, 'what child’s play”.

~TIME SKIP~

"Alright losers, we'll meet at Peter's place at 7 then, right?" you said as the three you you walked out of the school's parking lot.

"Yeah definitely. I'm thinking about bringing back my hat. Betty says it compliments my face structure, whatever that means." Ned said, earning a laugh form you. 

"Earth to Peter. You are being uncharacteristically quiet" you said to Peter who was staring into space as you walked.

"Sorry, right. My place at 7." he said, jolting from his daze.

You eyed him, but, before you could question his behavior, you heard a familiar honk and turned around to see Happy waiting for you. 

"I'll see you guys tonight." you said with a wave, and walked toward the car. 

Peter watched the car drive away, and as soon as it disappeared down the road, he turned to Ned. 

"Y/N used to have a crush on me!" he blurted out. 

Ned furrowed his eyebrows. "Okay, and?"

"What do you mea- she used to like me! Like, like me like me" Peter said 

Ned smirked 

"And you're so freaked out about this why?" 

Peter stared at him. "I don't know. It's just weird"

"Or is it because you just found out that the girl you are head over heels for used to have a crush on you?" 

Peter rolled his eyes. 

"I do not have a crush on Y/N, how many times to I have to tell you. And, anyway, I'm not freaked out, it's just weird." 

"Sure Peter." 

~TIME SKIP`

You knocked on the door to Peter's apartment and dusted yourself off, waiting for someone to answer. You were excited to get to the party and relax for the first time this week. You looked down at your outfit for about the millionth time and inspected it. You were wearing a black sheer long sleeve with a solid black stripe around your chest and a pair of distressed light wash skinny jeans and black platform doc martin boots.

You were adjusted the hem of your top when May opened the door and immediately enveloped you in a big hug. 

"Y/N how are you? I feel like I haven't seen you in so long." 

You had actually seen her last week, but you smiled at her comment. 

"I'm good May. Are the boys here?" you asked, walking into the apartment.  

"Yeah they are in Peter's room. Maybe you can help Peter find something to wear, he's more indecisive than I am." she chuckled. 

"I'll see what I can do." you said with a chuckle and walked toward his closed door but stopped when you heard them talking.

"It's obvious that you like her Peter, all you have to do is tell her.” you heard Ned say through the door. 

Peter had a crush on a girl? Why hasn't he told you about it? You didn't really know how to feel about this new information. Peter was your best friend and, sure he had every right to like who he pleases, but you couldn't help but feel a little hurt. You were always the only girl in his life, even when you were younger, and you couldn't imagine Peter with anyone else. I mean, you’re not dating or anything. But, it was not your decision to make, and with that final thought, you pushed your feelings aside and opened the door to reveal Peter standing in the middle of the room in just his boxers.

"Y/N!" he shouted, his face turning beet red. 

"Oh relax Peter, it's not like I've never seen you like this" you said with a playful smirk.

It was true, you were always the one to patch him up after a bad patrol. 

"Anyway, May told me that you couldn't figure out what to wear so I've come to the rescue." you said and walked past him to his closet. 

Peter, for the first time, realized what you were wearing and his face flushed even darker. He took in you sheer top that showed your stomach and back and the skinny jeans that accented your...

"Y/N you look really nice" Ned piped up from the bed, wiggling his eyebrows at his visibly flustered friend. 

"Aw thank you Ned" you said, turning from the closet with an armful of clothes which you handed to Peter who refused to meet your eyes.

 "Okay, put this on" you said to Peter, and walked out of the room to chat with May in the meantime. 

"May, has Peter talked to you about any girls recently?" you said as you walked into the kitchen where she was drying dishes. 

She looked up and gave you a faux look of surprise. 

"No, not recently. Why do you ask?" she said, handing you the plate she was holding. 

She, like Ned, also had her suspicions about the relationship between you and Peter. She’d always noticed the way Peter looks at you and the way his face just lights up whenever she mentions you. She, too, thought the pair of you would make a great couple.

You went to put the plate in it's respective cabinet and shrugged. "I don't know, I was just wondering." 

She smiled at you. "I don't know, I always thought he would end up with you." she said slyly, picking up another dish. 

Your eyes widened, and you were about to answer when Peter appeared in the doorway. He was wearing the simple outfit you had picked for him: dark blue jeans and a black tee shirt. You couldn't help but admire how the shirt accented his abs and his toned arms. 

"You look good Pete." you said and chuckled at the light blush that dusted his cheeks. 

"just one more thing" you said as you walked up to him and reached for his head. He leaned back and looked down at you in confusion. 

"Oh c'mon, don't you trust me? I won't bite." you said, smiling. 

He narrowed his eyes at you playfully, but leaned back toward you and you carded you fingers through his hair, mussing it up. 

You fixed you attention on his hair and you missed the way he closed his eyes and leaned into your relaxing touch. He was also acutely aware of how close you were to him and the intoxicating smell of your perfume. 

"You guys ready?" Ned said suddenly from behind, and you pulled away, ending the moment Peter was relishing. 

You stepped back and admired your work. "What do you think May?" you said without taking your eyes off of him. 

"He's never looked better" she replied teasingly and Peter rolled his eyes as you laughed. 

"Yeah, can we just go already?" he said, faking annoyance and smiled at you. 

"Yeah, let's go!" you said and you grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the door, Ned and May trailing behind you, sharing a knowing glance. 

You led him through the hallway, toward the exit and Peter tried his hardest to ignore the tingling in his hand as it held yours. He didn't want to admit it, but, recently, he couldn't remember what is was about you that reminded him of a sister. It was becoming harder to see you as the little 13 year old he used to know, but he couldn't tell Ned that yet. He didn't want to have to deal with any 'I told you so's right now, so he just relished the feeling of your hand in his and, for the first time this week, began to really look forward to the party. 

[im-tops-bottom]

As soon as they enter the Jonathan immediately regrets every single decision that has lead him up to this point. He knew there was a reason he didn't trust Jace and it wasn't because the guy hated him, didn't trust him and was dating and protecting his sist- okay so it may have something to do with that but also because of what is currently happening.

After getting all dosed up on some good drugs the 3 had split up for the mission. Everything was fine and dandy right up until Jonathan took a break and that's when everything shot straight to hell.

In the middle of the dance floor Clary had pulled Jace in for a kiss. Now he thought all this time he had a thing for his sister but it turns out that surprisingly his feelings weren't for her but for the blonde beauty with the gorgeous behind and isn't that just swell.

He growls himself as he realizes he wants to just stop the mission all together, pull his sister away and just swoop in and ....

"well well well looks like our angel isn't such an angel after all"

His eyes stare at the familiar ring that appears on Jaces finger as the couple turn before continuing their make out session.

He is pulled out of his thoughts about all the blackmailing he was preparing for the Herondale child when he hears yelling. He looks back up and notices a seelie had pulled Jace, his Jace

'woah where did that come from?'

And is currently grinding against the helpless blonde who is too far gone.

'i hope he didn't take anymore of those pills'

His head is telling him to save his sister is struggling against a seelie who is holding her back while his heart is telling him to save the traitor who is about to get ....

'mine' he growls out as he heads to the dance floor. He rips the seelies hands off Jace and lifts the man up by the collar

"if you ever touch my little Shadowhunter ever again, I will send you to the very depths of hell and make sure you are surrounded by nothing but your worst fears, got it?"

The seelie nods quickly and he puts him back on the ground

"good now run along before I change my mind"

Jonathan watches the man rush off before turning to the other seelie who immediately let's go of Clary and rushes off as well.

After making sure Clary is alright and sends her off to the bar to order some water for all 3 of them, he turns around to check on Jace.

"hey are you alr-"

He doesn't get to finish the sentence off as he feels soft lips against his. He let's out a sound of protest as those lips pull away.

"I never thought I would ever say this but thank you for saving me back there. I don't know what would have happened if"

"shhhh they won't hurt you ever again"

He feels an urge to hug the smaller man and decides against it as he knows exactly what will happen if he gave in. He instead decides to sober all 3 of them up so they can carry out the mission and expose Jace as a traitor.

After sobering up Jonathan regrets his decisions once again but it's too late as he's already caused an argument to break out between a now heartbroken Jace and an angry Clary. Everything is just all too late and he can't do anything but leave them behind as he kidnaps the seelie queen. He'll just have to carry out his plan on his own.

-couple of days later-

After using the sword to let all hell break loose quite literally, Jonathan in all his black winged glory takes to the sky as he watches the demons and the destruction of New York.

He gets pulled out of his thoughts as he gets sent dropping to the ground. He grunts and realizes theres something heavy on him and as he opens his eyes white wigs are the first thing he sees, then blonde hair and finally mismatched eyes that he now realizes he has fallen in love with.

"Herondale"

"Morgenstern"

Jonathan let's out a growl and rolls them over so now he's on top and has the trapped beauty below him. He smirks down at the shocked blonde and leans down slowly getting ready to plant his lips on the soft ones.

"JACE!"

Jonathan huffs as he rolls his eyes before standing up and turning around to face his sister and her friends.

"leave Jace alone!"

"oh come on now sister. He's a big boy, I'm sure he can make his own decisions"

"you're right. I can"

Jonathans eyes widen as he watches Jace brush past him and heads towards Clary.

"STOP!"

He has no idea why he said that but something in him is thrilled that the blonde had stopped.

"No Jace come here"

"Jace come back here right now"

He watched in amusement as Clary glares at him before looking at her friends.

"guys go on and defend New York. I got this"

"I can't just leave Jace. There's something wrong. I can feel it"

'oh. Right.' Jonathan had completely forgot they are parabatai.

"Jace if you come to me then I'll spare your parabatai's life"

That got Jace to turn around and face him.

"You leave him alone"

"Jace no. It's a trap"

'can she just keep quiet for one second'

"Jace remember when I saved you from the club"

"and then you kidnapped the seelie queen and left us stranded"

"yes well you two fighting wasn't going to help me escape and we did go to that club for a mission"

Jonathan saw that Jace was about to say something about the club and was about to talk some more but Clary had beaten him to it.

"Jace I love you"

'damn her. Damn her to hell'

"Jace I love you too"

Everyone had gasped at that and Jace stood there shellshocked.

"that's why I saved you at the club. I save you because I've fallen in love with you"

"Jace don't listen to him. He kissed me. Told me he loved me"

"I thought I loved you sister but it turns out my love was misplaced"

"you're lying"

"Jace I thought I fell for you that night at the club but when I left you I realized I had fallen the moment I stood at your door and watched you play the piano. My heart broke for you when we talked. I knew there was a reason why I never came back for my father or sort out true vengeance for my mother and you were the reason why"

'god why am I doing this? Seriously. Killing them all would just save time'

"Jace no!"

Alecs yelling pulled Jonathan out of his thoughts and into shock as he watched Jace slowly make his way towards him. Wings and all.

"when you said 'mine' did you mean me or Clary?"

"you. It had always been you. I was just too blind to see"

Jonathan held out his hand and stared Jace right in the eyes.

"please"

"JACE!"

Everyone watched as Jace slowly walks to Jonathan and as soon as his hand holds onto Jonathans, his gorgeous white wings with shimmering specks of gold turn fully black.

Seconds later Jonathans eyes turn black and he smiles before the two disappear in a bright Ray of white light.

After the light fades, the demons screech as they burn up in flames and the skies clear before rain falls getting rid of all the fire and flames that had burned through the city.

Clary drops to the ground in tears and heartbreak. Moments later she starts sobbing as a shattered Alec drops down beside her and pulls her into a hug. Magnus, Izzy and Simon wrap their arms around the two and soon they are surrounded by friends and family.

Days later after mourning for Jace, Alec wakes up as he feels something within him.

"Alexander are you alright?"

Alec doesn't hear his now husband as he is too busy smiling sadly as a voice plays in his head. He replies to the voice and soon the conversation dies out and he's left as sad as he felt the day the incident happened. He jolts as he feels a body and looks to find his husband Magnus by his side.

"hey what's wrong?"

"it was Jace. He told me that he says sorry to everyone for what he did. He wants everyone to know that he misses us and loves us. He also says that soon, when the time comes, he will return and explain everything but for now not all hope is lost."

"did you tell him that as soon as he returns to us, we will kill him ourselves?"

"yes and he also says that even though he is slowly changing Jonathan, he won't like the idea of Jace getting hurt and will probably set demons loose on the city again"

"well if he does we are stronger than ever and will fight back"

The two lay back down and hug each other for comfort as they fall back asleep.

Meanwhile....

"oh fuck. Harder"

"of course my love"

Jonathan moves harder and faster until they both reach climax. He keeps moving until they are both a panting mess.

Instead of pulling out, Jonathan lays down on top of Jace.

"my little Shadowhunter"

Jace snorts at that

"my big" he moans as he moves a bit and can still feel Jonathan inside him "real big" slaps the chuckling man "demon child baby"

"oh while you are needy I'm daddy but as soon as you get what you needed I'm suddenly a man-child?"

"oh God this is not what I wanted to see when I came over"

"MUM! what on Earth are you doing here?"

"I thought I might pop in for a visit before I return back to hell. Didn't realize I entered it already. So what is my son doing today?"

"well I'm currently doing my husb- ouch ouch she asked"

"and she suddenly regrets it. What's my son in law doing instead?"

"well once this man child is done with me, I was planning on doing some grocery shopping. You?"

"I love how we are a naked mess and yet we can still maintain a pleasant conversation with my mum."

"yes well your mother just got off the phone with an enraged Lightwood who's son just told her that her parabatai is still alive and forgot to mention he never lost the rune which could have saved everyone a ton of heartache. Then she rages on about how she had to find out I'm still alive via the seelie queen who had visited her store. Then what topped it off was that i accidentally told her you two were married."

"oh no"

"oh yes and now I'm expected to cut your holiday short just so I can bring all 3 of us back to America. They are expecting us within 3 days or one if not all of them will be flying to Paris to murder us all"

"how do they know we're in Paris?"

"have you forgotten who your parabatai was or who your ex was?"

"oh. Right"

"yes. So I would love to take you two there so I can return to my home"

"you know what mother"

"what?"

"let them come to us"

"JONATHAN!"

"what? It means my mother can do what she needs to do before going home and it also means I can continue with what I'm doing"

"great idea"

"wait what? No. Don't g-"

"have fun you two"

"no wait! LILITH"

Jace stares horrified as he watches Lilith burst into flames as she quickly leaves. He then turns to glare at Jonathan.

"you want to go against their request"

"oh come on. Your parabatai isn't that bad"

"first of all yes he is and second of all he isn't the Lightwood that I'm worried about"

"oh please my love. How bad can it be?"

It turns out it can be very bad as Jonathan sits under the blankets red faced and naked while Maryse yells at him. The only thing that is keeping him from running off is his husband who is equally naked, sitting beside him and holding his hand.

As he thinks about Jace he smiles at all the thoughts that consume him which causes Maryse to whack the back of his head.

"and you aren't listening to a word I say. Magnus! Clothes!"

Jonathan finds clothes magically put on him before his hand is out of Jaces and he is being dragged by the ear into the kitchen while a pissed Alec is about to go on a murder spree with Jace.

"Now"

Jonathan gets pushed onto a seat

"where was I?"

Yup he regrets listening to his brain once again as it always leads him into trouble. A trouble, he realizes as he stares down at his ring, that was totally all worth it.

"Seriously! He's not even in the kitchen and your mind still wonders off"

[enaasteria]

(1) Even though I could bombard u in twitter dms, I’m gonna put everything here for now ^^ First of all, ik how much u struggled with this ch and how u feel abt the middle section but IT’S PERFECT. It’s not too slow or too boring/draggy at all. Perfect mix of humor and cuteness along w lots of development across all characters which is so hard to do properly/well. I loved it, it’s much harder to write such quality transitional ch than an action/emotional filled ch, but u did it!

(2) Pls accept my kudos and stop beating yourself up abt it or I will fight u in dms later lol. Onto my favorites… Chanyeol is always a trip, I love his character so much; and the way Sehun and Ahri’s friends set them up like that LOL we’ve all been there, but it never gets old. ALSO HEHEHE I saw what you did there w YYS and JCW ;) I’m proud they made the cut. I am also proud that a certain ‘my cutie’ scene did NOT make the cut bc I would’ve died in horror lol.

(3) But my absolute fave, as with almost every ch of yours, is the ending. Ik deciding on the last q of the game was tough, but you wrote it so well, and the morning scene Ena I cryyyyyy. It’s truly the best, the emotions conveyed are just A+ and it rly made me feel so much for our beloved ship. The fact that he carried that slip around the whole time my poor FEELS. Anyways I’ve covered pretty much everything here alr, everything else will be dmd later at some pt but I love this ch and ily lots

(4) So thank you for always bringing light to my life w ur writing

You’re on ANON but I shall pounce you in DMs later on twitter. I’m still struggling with this chapter LOL but all in all---it’s where I want it to be so I hope you and everyone enjoyed it. And yes! I think that was part of the pain---trying to close out everyone else’s story too and give them a bit of their own happiness. orz Why did I include so many characters in this.

Chanyeol is literally my little guilty pleasures. I always end up giving him the best lines and honestly---rather than a love interest, he’s more of a guardian for her. Aiding her and advising her through her struggles (where can I get myself a Chanyeol. I need help too). The mischievous friends. Gotta love how they’re all like---this has gone on long enough. You two need to get your stuff together LOL. Good friends are always hard to come by tbh. 

YYS. He’s going to be Ahri’s new ideal man and torment to Sehun. I love it. And JCW. UGH. I’m so upset because I really wanted to include Soi/JCW conversation in there but it was too long and maybe 17. I’m not sure if he’ll be in that chapter but maybe I will work some magic and add him in. THE MY CUTIE MYUNG WILL MAKE AN APPEARANCE. I am determined to add it in. 

YES! Masquerade will be fun. I think the elements of the masquerade can play nicely into 17 so hopefully the writing gods will bless me. They were non-existent this chapter smh. As always---thank you so much for your help on this chapter. I know I complained a lot, screamed a lot, and it was prob annoying to hear but I’m so grateful for your guidance through it and I shall send you good vibes for your wip. I hope you finish them and torture all of us with your beautiful words!

[burntflorets]

21 april 2017

3:17am you called me. you said wanted to see me. then you said u had ot, you didn’t even end much later. then you didn’t want to meet me.

i’m confused.

initially you got so angry i tried to communicate with you. saying i wasn’t honoring you and your time out, being disrespectful and all. hell you got fucking angry with me.

i hate it when you get angry with me. i get terrified when you get angry. i get scared when you raise your voice at me. especially when you’re way much bigger than i am. God knows what you can do to me if you’re angry. not saying that you abused me but yknow. fuck, it was bad. i was fucking shitty then, and all you did was get angry with me when i tried to reach out to you. you got angry when i told you i still loved you.

then you told me that you were a new you. you wanted to do shit, you couldn’t be with me, or anyone.

you know how hurtful that is to hear that?

i fucked myself up for half a month trying to figure out what i did wrong, trying to grasp at anything, trying to keep myself going, trying to get through you, trying to force myself to cope and learn how to stop myself from slowly learning to live w/o you. i lived everyday in a blur, i can’t even remember what i did the previous day anymore. i don’t even know what i ate or did or if i even went to work.

then you dropped the fucking truth bomb on me at last, telling me you were a new you, the fuckboy you. the selfish you. that you that can’t be with anyone.

how am i supposed to feel. i don’t even know you anymore. the person i thought i knew inside out, i realized i didn’t even know a single bit about.

honestly when you told me about the new you, part of me died and left. i’m not going to lie. before you told me that, i was still sure about you, about us. and i still stuck to my decision. then you told me. i got numb. i still am. i’m surprised that that was the one that actually stopped me from crying.

you changed. you’re so different now. i don’t know if i know you anymore. i’m confused.

now you’re changing your tune, you say you miss me. ok idk if you miss me but you suddenly said you love me.

you change your mind fucking fast.

you’re fucking bipolar. it’s confusing me. you became so fickle. i’m fucking confused.

are you ok? were you drinking that’s why? yknow when i woke up and saw your text i got really confused.

the first thing that got into my mind was “are you drunk???” and the next thing i wanted to say to you was “yeah right but you didn’t love me enough that’s why you were so unsure and caught between staying and committing to me or your new life motto”

i wanted to be sarcastic. fuck i was angry. i was angry with you, i was angry with myself. i was angry with the world.

fuck i wanted to be with you. i didn’t want anything else. i didn’t want you to leave. i loved you with everything i had. i loved you with every inch of my being. i loved you so much that it compensated the 0 love i had for myself.

and then you told me why you were so unsure about us.

zach HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO FEEL.

it’s finally sinking in. i’ve been numb too long. it hurts now. and i’m angry.

i was disappointed earlier when i heard it. now fucking angry and hurt.

you said you feel played. what is this now. you’re playing me. AND MY FUCKING FEELINGS.

stop it. you fucking pushed me away when i needed you the most. now when you tell me all those hurtful stuff, you change your mind then tell me you love me and it was great hearing my voice.

fuck you zach what are you doing to me??

my emotions are back. i’m sad. i’m hurting. i’m angry. I don’t know what to feel anymore.

don’t come running back bc you pity me. don’t come back if you’re undecided.

you know you can’t have both. it’s either me or your new life. i feel you’re holding on to me bc you want both, you’re greedy and selfish. you say you want me and at the same time you’re trying to fit your new life into this too.

no. don’t. you’re going to hurt me even more.

like i said previously, don’t stay bc u pity me. 
stay only bc u love me and see a future with me. stay only if you’re willing to commit to me. stay only if you are going to be loyal to me. stay only if you are going to be transparent with me. stay only if you wont do shit behind my back. stay only if you appreciate and treasure me. stay only if you’re mentally and physically here with me.
if not, leave. as much as i hate to say it, leave. leave and never look back

i want to trust you, i wanted to desperately trust you that you were using this time out to think about us. for us to be better in future.

then i found you on tinder, then i see you went back to porn. then you told me the truth bomb.

you were doing shit behind my back.

if you were me, how fucked up do you think that would be.

i honestly don’t know if i can ever see you in the same way as before anymore.

do you know how crushed i was??

i was shit at the start, i was barely coping, i was just scraping through. then all these happened.

maybe i’m still numb. i don’t know what to feel now. i don’t feel anything towards you. and it scares me. idk what i feel for you anymore.

notice how i stopped putting “things i want to say to you if we were still talking?” after that day? after you told me the new you?

all these aren’t what i want to say to you anymore. all these is just me and my thoughts now. i’m not telling this to you anymore. it’s just all my raw unfiltered thoughts now. i just had to write them down somewhere. i need to get this off my chest.

i’ve been trying to clear my headspace and think things through. no one can help me now. i was so confident about us, about my answer to you then. i still was, till you told me the new you.

i felt like i don’t know you anymore. it felt like i was talking to a stranger. someone that i would hate to be friends with. someone i would hate.

everything just felt so wrong. i wanted to be in denial. i wanted it to be a bad dream. i wanted to wake up from the bad dream.

i’ve been drinking from the bottle, i’ve been smoking a lot to feel alive. all these has made me feel dead inside. and after that day, i felt even more dead inside than ever.

i had to check if i was still alive by trying to burn myself with the fire. i had to check if i was still alive by punching holes in the wall again.

it felt like the start of the time out again.

don’t push me away and get angry with me when i try to reach out to you, only to turn around and say you love me and all when i’m trying to come to terms with the new you.

it’s like you have alr been fucking around doing the shit that you want, then now coming back and telling me you love me when you had enough fun. it’s like hanging me on a rack, then when you’re cold, you use me again to keep you warm.

don’t come back if you still do shit behind my back.

stop fucking with me and my feelings zach. they are feelings ffs. i can’t just turn them off and on as and when i like it.

you put me through hell zach. i was going to kill myself. you don’t know how much it took for me to not kill myself. i tried killing myself everyday. i did try to kill myself yesterday too.

i ran in front of cars otw to work, i stood under the sun for 7 hours refusing to drink any water or eat anything ever since u told me the new you. i was googling death by heatstroke i only fainted for a while. it wasn’t long enough for anyone to notice. it wasn’t long enough for me to be sent home. it wasn’t long enough for me to be admitted to the hospital.

i thought that if i died, it’ll be a win win situation for us. i would be happy, you wouldn’t have to regret me and you could go live your new life.

when i woke up, i saw you texted me. to clarify. i was conflicted and angry. i didn’t know how to feel anymore. i felt played. i felt like the biggest fucking idiot in the whole world.

i’m not trying to say that i only suffered. maybe you did too, maybe you didn’t. i don’t know. i’m not you. but i know myself. and what i’ve been through.

God knows what you have done, the fun you have had, the shit that you did, the girls you flirted and made out with and did, the parties you have gone and once u had your fun, now you’re telling me you love me and you miss me.

i desperately want to trust you, but i don’t know if i can.

you’ve turned bad. you changed. i don’t know anything anymore. i still want to fight for you, but i don’t know if it’s the right thing to do anymore.

it’s 5am. i’m running out of alcohol and cigarettes. it’s hard to think. i’ve got so much to say but my mind’s a mess. i can’t put them out into words properly.

i’m not drunk i’m not high. my mind’s just in a mess. i don’t know anything anymore.

12:04pm i’m mentally and physically drained. idk what to think anymore. my head needs to stop pounding and my stomach needs to stop rejecting stuff. there’s nothing for me to puke why am i still puking?? i’m puking bile blood wtv it’s horrible. i want to go home. i want to die

1:20pm these days have been very draining. this whole month is wearing me out. all i want rn is to be back in your arms like before. but i know that’s not possible anymore. i’m just tired. i want all these to end. i don’t even know what i want anymore. fuck this

you said your fantasy was just in the moment. you didn’t know what came over you. but it’s clear as day.

you said you always wanted to do it since young. your fantasy was well thought out, you knew exactly what you wanted, previously when you decided things on impulse you couldn’t give a convincing explanation. this, this explanation of your fantasy, you looked like you really spent half your life thinking of it, and that you were going to do it soon. it was that convincing.

as much as i want to believe you’re the same person as before, but your fantasy shit, it kills me to know that deep down this is what you really want and that you have been hiding that part of you from me. and i can understand why you hid it.

the fact that it was so detailed like you knew everything and you could say things like “i will and i can even if it’s for life” when i told you you can’t possibly be living that way for your whole life. you were so adamant and so sure of yourself.

and i’m scared bc what if we get back together and i disregard what you said about your fantasy, but then at the back of your mind this is what you’re thinking all the time. what if you get unsure of us again? then we have to go through this all over again.

i can see i’m not important enough for you. i’m not a priority in your life that’s why you are so torn between me or that fantasy life. if i was your everything you wouldn’t even go through this thought process. it wouldn’t even have crossed your mind.

honestly when i asked you that if you have this mindset now what makes me think you wouldn’t have these thoughts again in future what makes you so sure you wouldn’t have these thoughts again? you just went quiet.

when i told you that if we were to get back together, we need to start from scratch again. we can’t just pick up from where we left off. it’s not going to work out. we’ll just be the same all over again. you just ignored that portion and replied to the other qn i had.

when i said that we always keep running into the same problems that we both did come to a conclusion once. and i said that demoralizing that we ‘claimed’ to have solved a problem before, in fact, we actually didn’t at all. you just kept quiet again.

you can’t promise me anything. to think that you say you aren’t breaking up with me now, but you can’t promise that you’ll change and you know that deep down the fantasy thing wasn’t a one time thing that’s why you couldn’t give an answer.

come clean. stop lying to yourself. it’s plain as day. it’s not a one time thing. you’ve always wanted this your whole life. i can see it too. it’s even clearer now. it actually explains your actions in the past.

i know my sentences aren’t coherent, my head fucking hurts. i’m mentally and physically exhausted. this whole month has been shit. i can’t wait for all these to end. but u need to come clean.

3:42pm my headache and nausea and dizziness are even more strong than usual today. and i left my painkillers at home. i can’t even stand. i can’t even sit straight without swaying. i feel like i'm losing consciousness. i feel like i'm losing control of my body. fuck this. today is shit. i just want to go home. i wished all these never happened. i wished we were still happy. then i could go to you. i just want to be in your arms like before when i had a migraine attack. i just want to hear u say everything will be alright.

i wish too much don’t i.