#“YOU HAD ONE JOB REGARDING YOUR HEALTH AND YOU ABANDONED IT COMPLETELY. I ASKED ONE THING OF YOU. ONE. SINGULAR. THING.”

[therighthandofvengeance]

It’s all fun and games until your doctor finds out that you directly disobeyed his orders to take things easy (you followed your husband through the multiverse while pregnant)

[xtrablak674]

This is NOT the way to Rekindle a Friendship

It's a wrap, I arrived at a third strike and didn't even realize it.

"If someone is going to be your friend, the things that are important to you are important to them. This isn't that! #fullstop #period" - The words I said to my nephew about the situation

Reticence, that was the feeling I got from him from the moment I DM'd him on LinkedIn. The phone call I had gotten months ago regarding being his emergency contact, had left me thinking about him and what he was up to, and if he was doing better than when we had last spoken probably fifteen years ago. My exploration of my archived files just gave me a reason to reach out again, and since his old landline was now an iPhone I could unobtrusively text him some of my findings.

Maybe there was some tentativeness on my end too, as I have gotten more worn in the world, I have noticed that friendships are harder to start and keep. My natural tendency is to curate already established relationships as opposed to cultivate new ones. I think a lot of it has to do with I am at a place in my life where I don't tolerate as much as I used to. I won't settle for mediocre when I should have the best. #period

It was five months ago and I still hadn't seen him in person, that should have been a clear sign there was something unsaid in the water. If you were truly excited to have someone in your life again, I am pretty sure it wouldn't take you nearly half a year to state that you want to hang out. Even though I went anti-grace a full year ago, I think my natural default is to give others grace, I will have to work harder on this.

The only outstanding debts from my position, were the fact that he owed me some money for the groceries we had purchased in Chelsea Market for some holiday celebration at Adam's house, and he never showed up and never reimbursed me for my expenditure. The real reason our friendship was put on hold was his mental health struggles, that were in jeopardy of putting my own mental health at risk. I had to put some distance between us until he was in a better place emotionally. I was waiting to see him in person to mention both of these issues, just so from my perspective the air was cleared of any lingering and unresolved problems. But we won't get there it seems.

May 20th, 2023 was my first text to him, and a pattern I quickly recognized was that I was initiating text to him more than he was doing the same. I was being held at a distance and I wasn't quite clear why. #🤔 My experience with most of my friendships even ones left abandoned I usually picked right up where we left off, this wasn't that and I wasn't sure where the underlying issues were...

I had postulated with him that he might be a little depressed, my assessment coming from the fact that I deal with dysthymia and also the pattern of most all of my friends having some level of depression or anxiety. I do truly think we attract what we are, but I think we find comfort in those who understand what we are going though. But there was emphatic disagreement with this according to his less than a year of therapy.

Anyway after a couple of months of texting I had decided to kick the wheels on this rekindled friendship and make a request. My nephew was struggling at the hospital he was working at and was looking to make a change. I thought this was a perfect thing to ask of him, having learned that the hospital he was at he had been with over a decade. Also being cognitive of the way folks find jobs nowadays was due in large part to nepotism not merits. I didn't think the request presumptuous or inconvenient.

He shut me down concisely, he didn't know anyone on that side of the hospital. I was seriously like what the fuck? That wasn't even an attempt, or a soft-answer of 'let me look into it', it was a total and complete shutdown! As attempting myself to use nepotism to get an internship in this film program I was immediately offended and put-off, because you can't work somewhere ten years and not know someone who knows someone.

"If someone is going to be your friend, the things that are important to you are important to them."

Helping my most able-bodied and well-skilled nephew finding a job was important to me, very important in fact, and albeit I have always been of the mind to find employment based on merit, I could acknowledge the world I had known had moved on. I didn't make a huge issue of it, but I did make a mental note, not realizing I had arrived at a first strike.

He had gotten the Rona, according to him for the second time, so we were discussing the fact that I had never had it. The only recent illness I had was a flu from a few weeks ago, that coincidentally my nephew had also with a slight variation on the symptoms. And no, we didn't give it to each other, it had been more than two weeks since we had last seen each other.

So we were discussing vaccination, he wanted to know if there was anything that would change my mind about getting vaccinated and I stated unequivocally that it would make little to no sense for me to get vaccinated, I don't work, I live alone and most importantly I don't leave the house. Where am I getting exposed to anything or exposing anyone to anything?

This is where we approached our second strike, because the dialog was going the same way as my arguments with Adam about another communicable disease where me and him differed in our approach and opinion. Most importantly this ones feelings were undermining my agency and my competence to make decisions regarding my health on my own. I didn't care if he worked at a hospital, he was a chef, not a doctor. And even if all of his facts were accurate, I was my own person and I had made my decision and wasn't open in the least to changing my position.

Most importantly he was letting his feelings on the matter trump respecting my own feelings about my own health. This is more than a decorum issue or a manners issue, it was a fundamental problem. If you let your emotions take priority over anyone else's position that is rude and disrespectful. #FuckYourEmotions

I did what any responsible adult would do, I said we should just change the topic, because I was just getting pissed off just like when my physician assistant was going a little too hard in pushing the clinic her hospital offered. I don't at all appreciate when folks act like they know better about my health than I do. Even if they are qualified to. I am fully grown adult and the repercussions of my decisions or lack thereof are mine and mine alone to deal with. Seriously, I took care of a nonagenarian for over two years having to make all kinds of daily decisions about her care, and she died comfortable at her home of over fifty years.

Reviewing the text he did assent to changing the topic, but then asked about another complicated relationship Adam. I shared with him how Adam betrayed me and how that ended the friendship. He was appropriately empathetic, but even remembering the interaction I had sworn he had continued talking about the issue, not realizing how heated and enraged I had gotten. This was a technical strike. Not being self-aware enough to sense this might be a sore topic and pull his aggression back.

But he has always had an issue with always wanting to be right, which is something I entertained because I knew ultimately he could be right all he wanted, and I would still do what I wanted to do.

I didn't want to broach these personal topics, but I need to make a point. I was giving him grace and empathy that he wasn't giving me. He had two triggering areas that even nearly two decades later I was aware of. One was the child he had twenty-one or so, the second was his brief incarceration and felony charge.

He shared with me in these last few months that his son had died at twenty-nine, and that the mother of the child hadn't told him. Now this is where I appreciated my reaction to this information, because I was very in my feelings about the entire situation, and I really wanted more information. Truthfully, I wanted to curse her ass out for not telling him herself. Because I was lead to believe he had actually NEVER met his twenty-nine year old son and didn't have any current photos of him. I was like what in the holy-fuck is that about?

I understood these were my feelings and I knew parenting a child so young, and being estranged from the child and the mother had to be very complicated. Albeit, I wanted to help and find photos of the son, I stepped back because I could have my feeling, but my feelings couldn't encroach on respecting the complexity of the situation and how emotionally raw he might be about the loss of his child and the loss of the relationship they were slowly working toward.

I don't feel I was given this same grace.

Same regarding his incarceration, when we last spoke he was still on parole dealing with the other-side of life being a felon and having to deal with a probation officer and all that entails. He was extremely depressed around this change of his fortunes and wasn't quite sure how to navigate all of it, but his degraded mental health was pulling me down with him and I had to put space between us.

In the last five months I never as much as mentioned his incarceration, he bought it up on his own and albeit I had questions I never poached one, feeling this was something more appropriate for an in-person conversation, that would never come.

And now the third strike:

"Good morning, I accidentally broke my microwave. I tried to pop some more kernels in this microwave popcorn and broke something. I feel bad because these appliances just end up in landfills.

It was ten years old, I was hoping maybe to get another five years out of. Now I need to contemplate what can I replace it with, not that I use it heavily, I mean hardly at all. Maybe I can be fine without. Or maybe a refurbished one... "

A broad question I sent to him and another friend who I knew was experienced in cooking and food preparation. Him being an executive chef I thought he'd be the perfect person to assist me in my dilemma. I would learn that his help wasn't help at all, and when it came down to it I was on my own.

To consolidate the situation we had a text barrage of figuring out which device was the best for my needs, then whittling it down to a specific product. He approved the induction cooker I liked, and I sent him a link to the same product listed on eBay. I thought I was done but he then said I needed "induction compatible" cookware. He might as well have been speaking conversational Japanese, because the gas hasn't even been on in my apartment since I moved here in nineteen ninety-seven.

He recommended searches that were coming back way too broad, and I just asked him to suggest an appropriate pan, he did sending me an Amazon link, which I attempted to translate to the eBay equivalent. And like the previous link I sent the link to him for final approval before I purchased it.

Just an aside, the process I used with him is the process I learned in working with clients back in the late nineties at an ad agency. Whatever final creative you developed you always sent a link to the client for final confirmation, because ultimately it's their brand and they will know best. Silly me assuming that he would take the care to review the product and make sure it was the same as the one on Amazon, I would only find out later in an aside that there were two pans on Amazon one "induction compatible" the other wasn't, this wasn't information he shared with me.

The wrong kind of pan arrived in the mail and this was his reaction:

E: 🤣

T: Well I am NOT AMUSED! Why is it so difficult to find something that works with the induction cooker?

E: It's not. You just use eBay is all

T: eBay isn't the issue here. This pan was totally your recommendation.

E: Don't go blaming me, the one think I said was to make sure it's induction read.

T: Now I have a forty dollar frying pan I don't need.

E: The one I showed you was. Return it. I'm sure they take returns.

Curiously when I spoke to the girlfriend I had texted the same question, in two seconds she said, stainless steel. Anything stainless steel should be induction compatible. Mind you I was on fire, because how am I speaking to an executive chef albeit one recovering from COVID but someone with literal muscle memory he's been doing this so long. And he has me Googling obscure phrases as opposed to just looking for "stainless steel pans". I was so done, but then he put a cherry on top. #🍒

T: The 'hot plate' came with no manuals, no box, and fingerprints and other marks on it.

E: I did I just think you’re being mellow dramatic.  You hit the high button and heat your food… big deal

T: I don't think I am being anything. I am trying to figure out and learn a topic I have not the least bit of interest in, and went to someone I thought was more experienced and still got mediocre results.

E: Again blaming me for something that I had nothing to do with. Your very good at deflecting

T: Okay fine, you have no culpability whatsoever. Its all my fault for not looking for one word. I will note this in the future, to just do it my damn self.

"If someone is going to be your friend, the things that are important to you are important to them. This isn't that! #fullstop #period"

[Photo by Brown Estate]

[fiction-boys-rule]

A Piece of You, Always

Pairing: Eliot/Reader (Wife) + Newborn Daughter

Warnings: mentions of violence

Word Count: 3,454

Summary: Eliot and his wife welcome a new baby girl, but the journey leading up to the intimate moment wasn't exactly easy.

I loved writing this because I can totally envision Eliot as being a Girl Dad. This was a request from the lovely @historianwithaheart. I sincerely apologize for taking so long to post this. I really hope you enjoy. Thank you so much for the request.

@historianwithaheart: I can’t find any rules so I hope this isn’t against the rules. Can I get an Eliot x female reader of Eliot and his wife and their newborn baby girl?

Eliot knew he was gone for the moment he laid eyes on his daughter. Completely and utterly gone for. He had never thought that he could love somebody else as much as his wife, possibly even more. It was an unfamiliar feeling for him, such a surge of overwhelming and immense love for this tiny human being. The closest feeling he had ever thought he had experienced was his protectiveness over his fellow team members. And even then, that was stretching it a little bit.

Eliot doesn’t know what he has done right in his life to bring him to this moment. When all of those feelings had overtaken him, he knew that all of the sacrifice and work for taking advantage of his unique position and abilities to help people had been worth it. If he had to live all of it over again to be able to experience this moment one more time, he would do it in a heartbeat.

So much had led up to this moment, both in his overall life and in this singular day. Now he understood why so many relationships were tested upon the day of the arrival of a child. He feels as though he has sprinted a marathon, one filled with emotional and mental turmoil rather than physical feats.

24 hours earlier…

“Damn it, Hardison!”

The words tumbled from Eliot’s mouth, filled with an equal tone of frustration and incredulity. Hardison had assured them weeks before that his advanced creation, tailored specifically for this job would work magnificently. Eliot is surprised he had been so confident and trustworthy regarding Hardison’s assurances. He was more often than not wary when it came to Hardison and trust. He almost felt betrayed at the moment. If the risk of getting caught and ruining the job wouldn’t have been his biggest preoccupation at the moment.

His feet carry him in a hurry down the long hallway, his nerves feeling uneasily on fire. He had let himself get too comfortable, too confident. Since when was he so careless on a job? He had ignored his training and instead had let this morning get to him.

He had called you earlier that morning, it being close to midnight for you with the time zone difference. So far into the pregnancy, you didn’t sleep much anymore. You begrudgingly had notified him of the doctor’s suggestions at your last appointment. The baby was showing signs of wanting to come early. Too early. Now, a serious health risk for you and the baby were highly possible. All of this, and Eliot was still halfway around the world from you. Just his luck. His nerves had gotten to him.

You had encouraged him to take the job, despite being a hefty seven months into your pregnancy. You respected and acknowledged how important and grounding the jobs were for him, and you felt too out of place to ask him to stop. You had started showing signs of your pregnancy well into your second trimester, making Eliot and you unaware of this huge development. The team had already taken the job and had spent weeks debriefing and carefully planning this take down. It was a bigger job, one that needed weeks of stakeouts and diligent planning and calculating. It was an all hands on deck job, and Eliot was needed as well. It took much debating on your end to convince him to not abandon it. But it didn’t mean that he was fully on board with it. He would always do his best to please you, except this time he was seriously doubting his decision. Regret was constantly in the back of his mind lately, and it was not a welcome feeling.

“Turn left at the next door. Sophie will try to rendezvous and get you on the way out. Start changing.” Nate orders steadily into the comms.

“Hardison, I’m going to hit you so hard when I see you-”

“Oh yeah? Then who’s going to fix the mess you’ve made?” Hardison snaps.

Eliot blubbers mutely like a baby as he enters the small storage room.

“The mess I’ve made? Your stupid little machine didn’t work!” Eliot hisses.

His hands are flurried as he whips clothes out of his bag, clothes rippling over his body.

“My ‘machine’ is just fine! You probably just forgot what button to press.” Hardison says, indignant.

“My fists have got your name on them, man. They’re just aching to hit your stupid face.”

“Sophie, position?” Nate interjects.

“Almost there. Got caught up with a very sad case of a man. Eliot, are you ready?”

“Get me the hell out of here.”

He whips his hair back, hands combing through his hair hastily. The door opens, and Eliot’s guardian angel appears.

She smiles knowingly at him, stepping back and starting to walk away from him. He shakes his head, following closely. He only feels as though he can breathe until they reach the van, and it sways as they make their exit. Nate looks at them with a look of relief, while Parker smirks over at Eliot.

Hardison groans, “Every single time-”

“Shut up.” Sophie and Eliot say in unison, making Hardison frown but otherwise obey.

They reach their headquarters, exiting the van and entering the building. They all start talking at once except for Eliot, who chooses to grab a beer from the fridge and sit ungracefully on the couch. The cushions welcome him comfortably, making his body slump in repose. He tunes out their jumbled conversations, his mind wandering to you at home, pregnant and alone. You had reassured him that he was doing the rightful thing in this situation, but the moral path that he’s taking is still hard for him to embrace as the ‘right’ thing. It seems more like his easiest option rather than the rightful one.

“Hello! Are you just going to sit there? I know it’s not my fault this all got crazy!” Hardison protests.

Eliot snaps out of his thoughts to see a frustrated Hardison standing over him, the rest of the team behind him.

“What’s the story, Eliot? We need to improvise, and quickly. Can’t let this waste our work.” Nate questions.

“What?” Eliot asks in confusion.

“The ‘machine’! What button did you press?” Hardison snaps.

“Come on, man! The one you told me to!”

Eliot is so annoyed he feels himself getting hot. Lecturing from his team is the last thing he wants to endure at the moment.

“Listen, I know you’re no nerd, but can you use that brain of yours for once instead of those muscles and be specific?”

Just as Eliot is about to spout a rebuttal, his phone rings. He stutters madly until he sees that it’s you calling him. His heart skips a beat in secret joy but his stomach drops in sudden anxiety.

“Something’s wrong.” he mumbles, starting to step away for privacy.

“Yeah, something is wrong! Your head!” Hardison yells.

Sophie grabs Hardison's arm and whispers something quietly to him. Eliot feels as though his feet can’t carry him away fast enough. His mind is suddenly racing and he wills his heartbeat to slow to prepare for the worst possible news. His fingers shake slightly as they hold up the phone to his ear.

“Sweetheart, hey.” he manages to say, though he wants to say so many other things.

A flurry of desperate questions spring to the tip of his tongue: How’s the baby? Are you okay? Why are you so stubborn with me not staying? Do you hate me for not staying? Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Do you think I’m going to be a better dad than my dad?

“Hey, I hope I’m not interrupting you in the middle of - well, doing hitter things.”

He can’t believe the amount of selflessness you have. How the hell can so much understanding and patience be contained within one sole person? And how did he get so lucky in finding you and you actually wanting him? Wanting a family with him?

Your voice only does so much in calming his nerves. He needs your presence, and he needs it soon. You've become a much bigger part of him than he wants to admit.

“No, you’re not. Job actually…are you okay?”

He reasons that if he reveals the truth, you’ll divert the topic and won’t be fully honest with him.

“Well, um…how much longer do you think you're on the job?”

“Why, what’s wrong?”

His heartbeat starts racing again.

“I really didn’t want this to happen, and I know you didn’t either. But no matter what happens, it’ll be okay. I just need you to stay calm.”

“Y/N, come on now.”

“The baby’s coming.”

Your words come out in a disbelieving and breathy tone. He figures you must have been holding back your unease and fear because a shaky sigh comes out from you in relief afterwards. While his mind is processing your words and trying to piece together a coherent and remotely calm sounding response, he hears small sounds of discomfort that you now allow yourself to reveal to him.

“Y/N…”

“I know, I know. I tried, trust me I did. But your daughter had other plans. She’s as stubborn as you. I’m trying to hold off as much as I can but I don’t know-”

You are cut off by a strong contraction and Eliot feels a piercing stab in his chest as he hears the sounds of your repressed pain.

“I’m not dilating yet, the contractions aren’t regular. I’m still at home. But in a few hours, I’m going to have to go to the hospital.”

His next words come out in an angry tone, and he hopes that you can sense the desperation and fear under them. He knows that he should get better at his anger and tones since he's going to be a father soon. He files the thought in the back of his mind for later contemplation.

“You shouldn’t have let me leave, I need to be there for you. I’m getting on the next flight back. The team can finish this up here. I’m not missing my daughter’s birth. I can’t let anything happen to you and I’m not there to-”

“No. Listen to me. Listen to me good, Eliot Spencer. If I wouldn’t have thought that I could handle this and you could do what you’re meant to do, I wouldn’t have married you or gone through with this pregnancy. You are such a great husband, such a good member of the team, and you’re going to be an awesome dad. I love you so much, Spencer. I know you’re going to love this baby to bits. So please, get this job done. Help people like you were meant to, and come back when you’ve done that. We’ll be waiting for you, nothing will change that.”

Eliot feels tears spring to his eyes and his vision becomes temporarily cloudy. Usually, he was the talker who would make you blush or show strong emotion with his words. However, the intensity and love of your words makes him overwhelmed with sentimentality. You’ve never questioned him, or his worthiness of having you as a partner. You have always gifted him such invaluable moments, and now you are giving him the most precious one of all: a daughter. Your labored breaths bring him back to awareness, and he clears his throat, looking around the hallway, pleased when he sees no one has caught him in this moment between the two of you. Although you are separated by oceans, he feels as though the phone line is nonexistent and you’re right there in front of him in the flesh and blood.

“Okay, alright. But you promise me that you get to a hospital soon and let them help you. Don’t…don’t wait on having the baby just for me. I’d rather you two be okay than indulging me.”

“I promise you. You won’t miss it. Now go be a Hitter. Please. Because your baby is punching her way out of my cervix soon. Consider this the most important test of your skills that you’ll ever encounter in your whole life. Even if you come back all sweaty and black and blue, I’m sure that you’ll still look better than me.”

You laugh shortly before moaning out in pain again.

“With you as my #1 fan, I can beat anybody darling. But I guess I’m going to have two fans soon.”

“Yes, baby. Hopefully. The two biggest fans in the world. I can’t wait to see you.”

“You’re going to be the best prize I get from this. I can’t wait to see our baby.”

“You won’t see her if you keep on the line. Go beat up some bad guys already.” you joke.

His whole body suddenly feels a jolt of energy, and his feet start to carry him step by step down the hallway. His fear and insecurity slowly quell, though they remain at the back of his mind. He feels a bit of good bantering ability sprout up again, and he rolls his eyes.

“You know that’s not all I do.” he mumbles, tone feigning offense.

He can already imagine in his head your little smirk and the teasing look in your eyes filled with nothing but admiration and respect for him.

You giggle, and he can’t stand the uncertainty that will overtake him from your absence after he hangs up.

“I love you, Spencer. I always will. Be safe.”

“I love you. I’m coming home soon. I promise.”

With that, he forces himself to hang up, fearing that a single more second on the line with you will leave him unable and unwilling to be left without the comfort of your voice. He enters the room as the team is arguing again. He walks over with a newfound purpose and a surge of determination.

“Hey!” he yells out, his voice cutting through the rest.

They all turn to him and he says, “Baby's throwing punches. She's coming real soon. How’s this guy going down?”

To say that the team had gotten lucky was an understatement. Eliot knew that their improvised plan had less than a 1 percent chance of working. He still can’t believe that they truly pulled it off, but he doesn’t let himself think too much about that, instead taking it in stride and making the best of the circumstances. He turns back to look at the rest of the team as they stand with him on the runway of the airport. After having taken down their mark that same night, Sophie had managed to pull a few favors from her international friends that had granted him a private jet two hours after the con that would be taking him directly back home to you. He had phoned you right after the con was over, his whole being yearning for the sound of your voice and for you to reassure him that you were okay and that his luck wasn’t running out. It honestly all felt like a dream to him, and he hoped that he would never wake up. You were indeed, okay. But he would be cutting it short. You had started dilating, and the medical team predicted that you would give birth in a few hours. His heart felt as though it was beating out of his chest, not even the con had made him this highly strung.

“Don’t forget to bring her around! It’s best to learn young.” Parker says, smiling wildly.

Hardison elbows her, and they start bickering. Nate walks forward and lays a hand on his shoulder.

“That kid’s going to be the best thing to happen to you. Cherish it.”

Eliot could see and feel the intensity of Nate’s words, as they come from his own experience as a father.

“You can come back, but don’t forget about who we do it for. Well, kids and the satisfaction of taking down bad guys, and whatnot. Maybe for some of you, money. What I’m trying to say is-”

“You’re going to be a spectacular father.” Sophie interjects.

She pats Nate on the shoulder and engulfs Eliot into a strong hug. It gives him enough comfort that he doesn’t mind when pain shoots up through his side from his injuries.

“Now go be with your family. We’ll be right here when you’re ready. Now go. Can’t start on the unfortunate event of you not being there when your daughter gets here. Go on.” Sophie whispers into his ear.

She pulls back and smiles softly at him.

“Go see your baby, man! Just don’t forget to let us meet her. That baby needs to get educated! I’m talking all the things. She is going a true geek, I’m telling you-”

Sophie grabs Hardison and starts to lead him away while waving at Eliot.

“Get out of here. We’ll figure out the uh, specifics of the joint custody later.” Nate smiles.

Eliot nods, and he almost lets tears fall as he walks away. The team will always be his family, and it’s in moments like these that he truly appreciates it.

Present Time

Eliot had arrived at the hospital one hour before his daughter had been born. He had run like a mad man down the halls until he had reached the room, reciting the room number in his head over and over again, hoping that he wasn’t too late. The sight that met his eyes made him immediately tear up with joy and relief. He walks slowly to the bed and the nurses part a way for him to pass. He can only imagine their thoughts as they look at him, semi bloody and badly bruised. His ribs protest in pain as he leans down to gaze at you, but he’s in such a trance that he ignores it.

Tears are rolling down your face, and you look as though you’ve been through as much of a physical battle as he has. But he doesn’t dare compare his struggle to yours. The knowledge that you have put up this much of a fight in delivering his child makes his heart burst with admiration for you. He vows to himself that he will never stop telling his daughter of his mother’s strength and persistence.

Your eyes finally open and you sob in consolation at the sight of him.

“Hey, sweetheart. Told you I’d come.”

“You didn’t have to promise me that. I would have believed in you either way. I know you, Spencer. You’re as stubborn, if not more stubborn, than this baby.”

He chuckles lightly, his fingers moving to gingerly caress your forehead. You sigh heavily and look up at him with a tired smile. He kisses you softly, and you swear that you can taste his cherish and devotion in that moment. He pulls back and leans his forehead on you, grabbing your hand and running his fingertips over your knuckles.

“Time for you to deliver this baby, momma.”

“Yeah, huh?”

He smiles and kisses you again. He is ready to embark with you on this new journey of parenthood. Hell, he is ready to embark on anything with you. His second chance always felt like the team. Helping people felt like the saving that he needed after the path that he had taken in his earlier life. But after meeting you, after giving him this priceless blessing, he truly believes that you are the life altering course to the positive change that he had been searching for all of his life. After he had arrived, the labor had gone more smoothly. If Eliot was more keen on believing in the unknown, he could have sworn that his daughter had waited for him. After you had pushed for the final time, and he heard his daughter cry out for the first time, he truly felt like a changed man.

He couldn’t hold back the tears this time when he had laid eyes on the breathtaking sight of you holding his daughter and crying as well. He would always appreciate your ability to bring out this raw and vulnerable side of him. It showed him that he wasn’t heartless, it made him feel more deserving of things like this.

You are sleeping now, your face peaceful and undisturbed. Eliot is sitting by the bed, holding his daughter in his arms, softly whispering her name and getting used to knowing that this tiny human being is such a big piece of him now. Being a Good Guy, being a husband, being a father, always scared him. The responsibility would always leave him in a closed off state, unwilling to embrace change and risk the chance of losing people he could grow close to. It was the team first, who had showed him what it meant to embrace the idea of a family and working towards a good cause. Then it was you, who had shown him that he was worthy of it, that he could choose both lives and find a balance within them, not having to lose or sacrifice either. Now it is his daughter who is showing him that his past mistakes matter no more, for he is determined to continue on this path, carrying a piece of her wherever he goes.

[stxrrywildflower]

lost

pairing - emily prentiss x reader

summary - emily returns after doyle, you and spencer don’t take it well

warnings - cursing, mentions of suicide, talks about mental health, drug use

word count - ?

note - sections of this regarding the language may be extreme so please take that into consideration before reading

you and spencer walked into the bau together, each sporting a coffee cup in hand.

after emily’s death, the two of you found comfort in each other. you knew about reid’s abandonment issues and he was well aware of your’s and emily’s relationship. everyone on the team did. morgan did a fairly good job at hiding his emotions. but you and spencer, you two broke.

hotch had noticed the signs of you first. you had a history of depression and anxiety dating back into your teen years. after her death, you began to slip back into a depressive state. you lasted two weeks before, without argument, he placed you under temporary leave and sent you to a mental facility for you to ‘get better’.

spencer was next. after confiding in morgan about his dilaudid cravings, it was then alerted to hotch also. just like you, spencer was placed on temporary leave and set to the same facility as you.

inside, your communication with other patients was limited. you and spencer, however, got to see each other all the time, resulting in your now closeness. two months in, both of you returned to the bau. slowly, you returned back to doing field work. but, you relied on spencer and he did the same to pull you through. you felt like you were finally getting better, like you were back with a sense of normality.

that was, until the current day at the bau managed to reverse all of that.

the first thing you noticed was hotch and j.j. in the conference room. that already wasn’t a good sign. “new case?” you asked spencer who then shrugged, “probably.” rossi stepped into the conference room next, before motioning for the rest of the team to join.

you quickly dropped your bag and coffee off at your desk before following spencer up the stairs into the conference room.

“alright everyone have a seat,” hotch spoke as he crossed your arms.

“why? what’s going on?” morgan responded.

you didn’t follow hotch’s orders. a lot of trust had crumbled and fallen away after he had put you on leave with little remorse. instead, you leaned against one of the file cabinets, spencer finding a spot next to you.

“seven months ago i made a decision that affected this team,” hotch started. you instantly tensed up at his words. seven months ago, you had all lost emily. alas, he continued, “as you all know, emily had lost a lot of blood as a result of her fight with doyle. but the doctors were able to stabilize and airlift her from boston to bethesda under covert exportation. her identity was strictly need-to-know and she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. she was reassigned to paris where she had access to several identities, none of which we had access to for her security.”

those words hit you like a brick. your throat felt dry and your hands started to shake. you turned to spencer who looked like he was experiencing a similar reaction.

“she’s alive?” garcia asked. morgan’s eyes darted frantically between garcia and hotch. “but we burried her,” spencer surprisingly spoke up from beside you. his voice was extremely shaky and you weren’t sure if he could even finish his sentence.

“as i said i take full responsibility for the decision. if anyone has any issues, they should be directed towards me,” hotch tesponded.

you wanted to say something, you really did. but no words came out of your mouth. instead, morgan decided to talk. “any issues? yeah i got issues!” he shouted. just as he went to continue, you heard footsteps from down the catwalk.

just then, emily appeared, bag in hand, a sorrowful look on her face. you felt like you were going to pass out.

you turned towards j.j. who seemed to be smiling, no shocked emotions displayed. that only meant one thing. “you knew?” you spoke, moved from your position against the filing cabinet. j.j. started to speak, most likely an apology, but you cut her off.

“don’t,” you said as you pinched the bridge of your nose.

emily was now standing beside hotch and j.j. “y/n,” she spoke, taking a slight step towards you. you, instead, took one step back, itching closer to spencer, who was having a hard time taking this all in.

“you let me, you let us mourn her for seven months and you knew the entire time? you sent us away hotch!” you yelled, motioning towards spencer.

“sent them away? what do you mean?” emily asked.

instead of hotch responding, most likely giving a shitty answer, you stepped in. “he sent me and spencer away to some stupid fucking mental facility to ‘get better’. barely any contact to the outside for two months. how do you really think that helped hotch? how do you think being locked in a room for two months really did for our mental health,” you asked. hot tears slowly welling up in your eyes.

“i’m sor-” emily started to apologize.

“you’re sorry? i was so close to shooting myself up again and instead of actually getting the support from others, i get sent away. do you realize how much it sucks to be abandoned your whole life and then the one group of people that keeps you sane leaves you too? i got to talk to maybe four people at the hospital. and besides y/n, none of them were any of you. i can forgive garcia, morgan, and rossi, but j.j.? you really name me as your sons godfather and you can’t even tell me the truth half of the fucking time,” reid revealed. the room went quiet, obviously shocked at the young genius’s outburst.

“before you say another word that your sorry or that you didn’t know how much this affected us, just know that for weeks, i sat in my apartment, not sure what to do. do you know how many times i wanted to take my razor and slit my wrists, just to end it. or the advil, i always kept. everytime i took two for a headache, i always considered just taking the entire bottle. because, what did i even have to live for at that point. and then with barely any sympathy, hotch forces us to leave, not wanting to deal with our issues. we were finally getting better. we were finally able to be back on the job and continue living our lives. but now, you just saunter in here expecting forgiveness,” you seethed.

anger began to rise in you. you made fists out of your hands, no doubt causing slight bleeding from your fingernails as your knuckles turned white. upon seeing emily’s saddened facial expression, that made you even more mad. you needed to let out your anger or else you knew you probably wouldn’t be able to recover. after a few more moments of complete silence, you rolled your eyes, pressing your lips together as you walked out of the conference room, spencer right behind you.

you quickly grabbed your bag, leaving your paperwork on your desk before glancing over to the conference room. morgan and garcia were just exiting, tears falling freely down their faces. the remaining team members remained in the room, each with defeated expression.

you turned to spencer. “let’s go,” you whispered. anything above that and your voice was sure to crack. both of you decided that you needed to be alone for awhile. so, you dropped spencer off at his apartment with a small smile that you could barely muster and you drove to yours.

once entering, you tossed your bag carelessly on the table, your badge alongside it. your gun remained carefully placed on the side table.

you placed your back against the door. you held back the first sob, but after that, you couldn’t contain it. tears flowed down your face as you sobbed loudly. you felt betrayed, the trust between you and hotch was already fragile and now with j.j., you weren’t even sure who you could trust. you mainly felt angry.

the only thing you could think to do was punch your wall. your hand went though the drywall, leaving a large hole in its place. surprisingly, your hand was barely injured from the punch, just a cut across the top of it.

just as you moved towards the kitchen to grab wrap to bandage your hand, your mind was only filled with one though; emily. you loved her. you knew you were going to love her for the rest of your life. and then that had been ripped away from you.

you cried harder, tears falling onto your now bandaged hand.

you shuffled into your room, quickly changing into sweatpants and a t-shirt. you collapsed onto your bed, pulling the blankets over you and a pillow closer to your chest. it wasn’t the first time that you cried yourself to sleep.

emily knocked on your apartment door only a half an hour later. hotch had allowed everyone to go home, as the day had been a bit shocking. emily, however, grabbed her bag and drove to your apartment.

after no response, emily took out a set of keys, praying that you hadn’t change the lock. after rotating the key, a satisfying click echoed. she let out a sigh of relief before turning the handle.

your apartment was drastically different than the last time she was in it. the once darker colored walls were now painted soft tans and pastels. there were a lot more plants than there had been. more artwork and pictures scattered the walls. ‘very few are of the team,’ she noted. your voice brought her out of her thoughts.

“spencer helped me redecorate,” you spoke, leaning against the wall with your arms crossed.

emily spun around and remained frozen in place. “it looks great, i really like the hole in the wall,” she first joked. “you two closer than before?” she asked, mentally smacking herself for asking such a dumb question.

“you’d be surprised how close people come when you lose a person you both love, whether it’s romantically or family,” was all you said. “would you like something to drink?” you offered.

emily slightly nodded, “maybe a cup of tea? thank you.” you grabbed a mug, filling it up with hot water before handing her the cup with a tea packet. emily watched as you moved though the kitchen, grabbing the different stuff to make a pot of coffee.

the tension in the room was almost unbearable.

finally, you finished making your coffee and placed it on the counter, milk and sugar already added. you then opened the cabinet and reached to grab the bottle of advil. you had a killer headache and needed to take something. out of the corner of your eye, you noticed emily tense up.

“relax, i’m not going to overdose,” you spoke calmly.

your words made made emily visible flinch. the fact that you were so casual about talking about killing yourself scared her immensely. 

you moved out of the kitchen and sat on the couch, motioning for her to do the same. the two of you sat at opposite ends, each sipping your drink as silence fell over you.

“you don’t deserve this,” emily spoke, breaking the tense silence.

you sat up slightly, looking over at the woman but kept your mouth shut.

“you really don’t deserve what i did to you. none of the team does. but i need you to know, that i really has no choice. if i didn’t do what i did, doyle would have gone after all of you,” emily revealed. “wouldn’t have mattered, i honestly probably would have been dead already. probably spencer too, i mean you heard him. he almost took dilaudid again.”

“but you stopped him.”

you chuckled slightly. “not really. just got sent to a mental hospital against my will with reid to recover. so, wasn’t really my choice. it’s really fucked up that he almost relapsed over something that wasn’t even true.”

“i’m really sorry for that. if you want i will go talk to hotch about his actions,” emily offered but you shook your head. “it’s over now. only bringing it up because i have to.”

“i know i have a lot of trust to earn back from everyone. and i fully intend on heading over to everyone’s apartments to apologize to them after you. but it’s been almost eight months since i’ve been with you. all i want is a hug, as stupid as that sounds. you don’t have to but-” emily was cut off when you wrapped your arms around her.

the two do you fell back into the couch. your buried your head in the crook of her neck as her arms moved so they were around your waist. you shut your eyes to prevent the inevitable tears from leaking out. her perfume filled you senses. it was the same one she always wore. you had never realized until now how much you loved the smell of it.

she looked and acted slightly different, but she was your emily.

“i should probably get going. i really need to talk to reid,” emily spoke as she let go of you and stood up. you crossed your arms again and nodded at her. “i’m really sorry again. i know it’s going to take some time to regain your and the teams trust again but i promise, i will make it up to you.”

with that, emily grabbed her bag and made her way over to the door. you shot her one final weak smile before disappeared from your apartment and made her way down the hallway.

[silverbastardgoldenfool]

Realm of the Quarantine Reread End-of-Book Questionnaire: Assassin’s Apprentice

Any differences between your first/previous reading experience and this one?

Uhhhhh yep!! I can’t even believe how different it was. Every scene has taken on an entirely different colour and flavour in my memory. I skimmed far too much the first time, yes, but also I just went into it with the wrong framework. I think I’ve mentioned this before but my mum recommended me these books on the basis of my love of A Song of Ice and Fire. She directly compared them and said how similar they were. Because of RotE’s length I had been putting it off for years, and only finally picked up Assassin’s Apprentice because I was itching to do an ASOIAF reread but was (and am) trying to wait until Winds of Winter to do it. 

So you can imagine the difficulty settling into a book like Assassin’s Apprentice when you’re expecting Game of Thrones. I remember my overall impression on my first read being that it was a pretty standard fantasy novel with the only really exceptional thing about it being the characters and their relationships. Characters are always my top priority so it was enough to keep me invested and progressing onto the next book and the rest of the series, but I did so not having absorbed nearly as much as I should have from the first book in the series.

Now, just from revisiting that first book, my understanding of Fitz and the world he operates in has exponentially increased and I know that will transform my experience of every book going forward. I really made sure to make myself slow down and read every word; absorb descriptions and just be in each moment without racing to the next one. Overall this book (and all the Fitz books) are much more concerned with the human condition and the effects of abuse and trauma and deep loneliness than being an epic fantasy. In fact it barely reads like fantasy at all; it’s incredibly grounded and focused. Of course the elements are there, but while Assassin’s Apprentice may not be as subversive as the rest of the series, it is certainly not generic fantasy. This book just feels alive to me now in a way it didn’t before against the rest of the series. I can regard it as a beautiful piece of the puzzle in its own right instead of just the setup. I wanna reiterate I always really liked Assassin’s Apprentice but it just paled in comparison to my unholy obsession with the rest of it. Idk this reread just really shifted a lot of things into perspective for me and I’m excited!!

Something you can’t believe you forgot

So so much but most ridiculous GALEN IS QUEEN DESIRE’S BASTARD am I dumb??? I didn’t even remember until it was explicitly stated lol

Favourite character introduction moments/scenes

It’s gotta be a tie between the Fool, Kettricken and Patience (realising there is a common theme here of Fitz making an idiot of himself). I genuinely was laughing so hard when Fitz is like, actively making himself smaller and so pleased with himself trying to help the Fool, and of course the Fool’s iconic “listen you idiot” ugh it’s just chef’s kiss baby, that’s what we in the biz call a meet-cute! (I know they have seen each other before, but this is the first time the Fool talks to Fitz). Then of course we have Kettricken who poisons Fitz at their first meeting, and Patience who Fitz continuously embarrasses himself in front of before even realising who she is. The fact that all three of these people end up being some of Fitz’s only genuinely loving relationships makes it even better.

Favourite character arcs

I think I’ve gotta go with Verity and Burrich. Verity goes from kind of a bloke’s bloke (he was so different in the beginning than I remembered!) to being a proper King-in-Waiting. He is self-sacrificial but not for pride; he genuinely cares deeply for his people, as a whole and as individuals, and will do anything it takes to protect them. He is far from perfect, and he could have done a lot more for Fitz when he was younger, but once Fitz is in his eyeline and he is confronted with the life the boy has led he seems suitably shamed and tries to do his best for him. He’s a good boy and I love him!

Burrich of course is just. unlucky. His health deteriorates due to injuries. He gets saddled with some kid and is burdened to bring him up to an impossible standard he has set himself (to not shame a man he has an impossibly high opinion of). He’s deprived of a job he loved and was good at, and most importantly he’s deprived of his boyfriend I mean lover I mean “master”.

His arc is not a happy one at all but it is compelling, and I can’t help but love him and feel for him despite also disagreeing with him on almost everything :)

Favourite quote/s

Unfortunately I don’t have any tabs atm so I couldn’t really keep track, but my heart exploded when Fitz said to the Fool after going into his room, “I wish I had a place that were as much me as that place is you.”

Favourite relationships

Fitz/Fool obviously. Even though they don’t have that many interactions in this book I loved every single one of them. The Fool volunteering to care for Smithy after Fitz has endured a long day of horrendous abuse is just!!!!! Kindness! What a concept! I could really see why they develop such a deep bond so quickly.

Fitz/Burrich is just so real and so compelling and it hurts me but I love it. Fitz/Chade breaks my heart bc Chade is manipulating his way into Fitz’s heart - I think without realising it a lot of the time bc he is lonely too, but the power imbalance is not okay when he is the centre of Fitz’s world for a long time and the closest thing he has to a friend. Knowing how Chade behaves not too much later just makes it even worse when he is so nice in this book because it just shows why Fitz has such a hard time being his own person and saying no to Chade ever.

Fitz/Verity for obvious reasons. Fitz/Hands!! They’re cute but it makes me sad that Hands betrays him in AQ. Weirdly I liked Fitz/Molly way more this time but more their friendship than anything. And next is Royal Assassin and their deeply toxic romance soooooo.

And Fitz and his puppies BUT WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THAT.

Favourite setting

Do yourself a favour and read the description of the Mountain Kingdom and specifically the palace. It is STUNNING and something I completely skimmed over the first time cos I’m a dumb idiot bitch I could have been picturing a city of huge colourful tulips all this time but fuck me I guess!!

Favourite chapter

As a rereader I think I’ve gotta say chapter one. There’s just so much to pick apart all crammed into one chapter. It still holds a lot of mystery even when you’ve read the entire series.

Most loved character

At this point I’ve gotta say Fitz. That’s who my heart is with during this book and he NEEDS IT

Most hated character

Okay I found Regal a much better villain on this read and hated him A LOT but whomst I despised even more w the very fibre of my being was Galen bitch disgusting!!!!!! Verity was so like, smug?? when he killed him and it was so satisfying. It’s what she deserves!!

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimised by Robin Hobb (most heartbreaking and/or visceral moments)

Literally this whole book was so harsh and I was perpetually emo throughout but off the top of my head, Fitz’s depressive episode after Shrewd and Chade test his loyalty fricking broke me, as did the entirety of Galen’s abuse/training; since I was paying so much more attention this time it hit a lot harder that he is an absolute textbook abuser and the psychological torment he inflicts on Fitz is just. deeply upsetting to say the least. It really got under my skin.

Details, observations, spoilery notes made with the benefit of the full picture

Okay this is where I just dump all the notes I took while reading that don’t fit anywhere else. It’ll be long lol so strap in.

- It’s never not funny to me that Narrator Fitz comes across as like a hundred years old when in actuality he is like twenty. Also that he looks back on himself with such a sense of wisdom and superiority, yet we know there is dumbarsery aplenty to come. Amazing.

- I’ve never really registered that for the first six years of his life Fitz had a mother who loved him and I don’t know how to feel about that

- REVELATION THAT SEEMS REALLY OBVIOUS IN HINDSIGHT: Fitz most likely only spoke Chyurdan when he was abandoned, which would have played a huge role in why he was not only quiet but unresponsive to what was happening around him. He probably didn’t even understand that he wasn’t going to see his mother again until much later, and he didn’t know how to ask questions. When he goes to the Mountain Kingdom and Kettricken comments that he speaks Chyurdan like someone remembering the language he doesn’t comment on it, so it’s likely that future Fitz doesn’t register that he didn’t always speak Six Duchies(?). He mentions in the narration that the memory of being abandoned is incredibly stark but not necessarily reliable, and possibly shaped by the Skill, which to me opens up the possibility that his memory is essentially auto-translating for him things he didn’t understand at the time. We also know that at the time of writing this he’s given up his memories of his mother etc. up to the stone dragon, so obviously his recollections of these traumatic events are going to be warped by that. Anyway thanks to my sister for pointing this out and being much smarter than me.

- According to Fitz’s grandfather, Chivalry always knew about Fitz. Don’t know how trustworthy a man desperate to yeet his grandson out of his care is but there ya go.

- Weird and hilarious that Shrewd tries to see Fitz on the day he arrives but then just like. What? Forgets about him? For years? lol

- Chade literally tells Fitz that he is a king’s man now and that’s the most important thing about him YIKES

- Chade becomes the closest thing Fitz has to a friend for quite a long time and that is fucking depressing

- It’s interesting that Chade had to be convinced to teach Fitz. It’s hinted at that there was an ~incident~ the last time they tried to train someone, followed by a long period of Chade being left to rot in the walls.

- Not to be out here diagnosing fictional characters but like.Fitz. Literally has depression.

- Fitz having to turn down Fedwren’s offer of apprenticing for him is so sad. It’s the life Fitz should have had.

- The Fool’s non-binary gender is mentioned as early as Chapter Nine! (Published in 1995! We have no choice but to stan!)

- “So quickly we were all made accomplices in our own degradation.” OOF.

- I really realised this time that the reason Fitz seems so shit at things he trained his whole life for later is because all that training was interrupted by many months of isolation, deprivation and abuse. All at the age of like 13-14. He got out of the habit of subconsciously acting in a way that Burrich or Chade would approve of. For a long time the only person he needed approval from was Galen, and he became completely single-minded about it because that was his means of survival. And you don’t just recover from that - especially since neither Chade or Burrich would give him the time of day for an extended period *after* his training was done. When Chade did finally talk to him again it wasn’t to recommence training really; he just gave him a bunch of tasks to do. By the time Fitz got to the Mountain Kingdom he was completely out of practice, and still managed pretty bloody well in spite of it.

- Kind of related to the last point: I love that while Fitz isn’t a savant at anything he’s a pretty realistic jack of all trades. He not only has an aptitude for learning almost any skill or subject but a genuine broad curiosity too. It’s one of the few things that is just him, ya know? It’s just his personality and something he can find joy in, even if it does also factor into his being used by others.

- Imagine being Burrich and finding out that your son thought you were a dog murderer for like ten years lol ouch

- Fitz thinks about the Fool soooo often in the Mountain Kingdom, pointing out things that remind him of him, or things he would like. It’s v soft tbh I love them so much!!

- Another dumb thing I forgot is that Regal is convinced that Shrewd had Fitz poison his mother to death, which adds a rather important layer onto his motivations lol

Anyone doing a reread feel free to fill this out! You don’t have to use the tag :)

[fatehbaz]

re: unstable access to kitchens/food supplies - is there anything we can do to help?

Thank you for the concern and for checking on me. Just interacting with friends means a lot. Having people that care makes a really big difference to me, even when “my material conditions” don’t change. So not to be all sentimental, but I appreciate you reaching out and, really, I am trying to more actively communicate with and reach out to people (including my friends here).

And, sorry in advance for the needless length of this text, I don’t want to make this a chore to read. I usually try not to draw attention to myself and I avoid discussing my IRL economic crises. (I know the way that I write/”talk” can be a little grating, and it’s especially annoying when I’m talking about myself.) But now that we are all experiencing such an unusually dire catastrophe which could exponentially worsen as time goes on, I guess I’m more willing to talk about these things. I know you asked what kind of support I could use right now, and I really do appreciate being seen and thought of, so I don’t mean to be disrespectful to you by deflecting or side-stepping your question. But I just wanted to clarify why I’m willing to talk openly about myself.

Part of the reason I’m willing to discuss my own experiences right now is because of the concern I have, just in general but also especially now during this pandemic, for other people with no health insurance, unstable access to food, and unstable housing.

Like, if I take off the shitty chipped black nail polish, I can be “vaguely yuppie-passing,” right? I don’t “look” homeless, so I can get away with hanging out in public without getting accosted. But as lockdowns are being legally enforced, I’m watching how other homeless and, now, jobless people are being judged and treated in my area, and I am heartbroken. This is the US, so I’m not surprised, y’know, but I am still disturbed by the complete lack of coverage or popular discourse about how to help homeless people, those incarcerated, or the vast amount of already-struggling people in their 20s who’ve just lost their jobs and face imminent eviction. Regarding kitchens and food access specifically: If you don’t have access to a kitchen, it can be difficult to feed yourself even with access to a food bank or a grocery store gift card or something, because most of that food (cheeses, meats, some vegetables, starches, major carb sources) requires cooking or refrigeration. You can’t do something as straightforward as boiling water or making pasta, rice, or sauteed vegetables. Leftovers are also out of the question without a refrigerator. So you’re forced to spend way more on eating at restaurants. Kitchen access is so important.

So as someone in the US with type 1 diabetes, heart issues, no health insurance, and no home right now, who lost my job due to the lockdowns, I’ve been talking with food banks, clinics, a friend who works in the emergency room, now-unemployed service industry workers, poor university students, and other homeless people in my area. And from this vantage point, things look really bad. There are preposterous obstacles to doing something as “simple” as finding food, when “being outside” is functionally criminalized. Since the virus reached my area, I’ve watched over 100 people at the local shelter sleep on a concrete floor, stained by mud-tracked boots and literal shit. No protective masks; no soap in the soap dispensers to wash your hands with; sharing three shower stalls and one drinking-water fountain. These conditions were always unacceptable. But now? There’s no concern from the wider community. No discussion at all. Before the pandemic, I (like, I imagine, a lot us) was already just … so tired of watching people get hurt, and then essentially left to die the “slow death” of being abandoned to insufficient food, untreated illness, crowded inhumane facilities, and careless institutions. Every consecutive day that I see people in those conditions, I am heartbroken again. It’s not a distant event, it’s not a thought experiment, it’s happening right there, every day.

Anyway, I have always had difficulty asking for or receiving help, even when going through my own personal catastrophes. And now I feel even more hesitant to ask for help, now that everyone needs serious support. I had never before seriously considered making a donation post for myself, and I can’t do so right now anyway. (I can’t receive electronic funds since my bank account is empty and I owe overdraft fees before using it, and I also need to pay a driver’s license renewal fee due to states in the US now mandating adoption of their strange new “dystopian passport/license combination ID card” protocols. It feels so shallow to say, but it’s a matter of money, and I don’t like saying that out loud.) I’ve been through this kind of destitution before, but obviously not during the mass closures and mortal threats of a pandemic. So am I at the point of literally begging for help? Pretty much, yes. And it’s truly scary how many of us are at that point. (Once I get my bank account reopened and can arrange direct deposit, I’ll be trying to get one of the “essential services” jobs that are now available in my area. Purchasing adequate food is really all I want to account for; as long as I’m fed, I do OK. That, and enough insulin. I might soon, begrudgingly, make a donation post, and I’ll post a list of the fees the clinic/state wants from me, but I’ll feel selfish while doing it, y’know?)

–

So I meant it when I said that it’s just nice to socialize, to chat, to just be present for each other. In my past experience, I guess, just knowing that friends are out there, and that they’re acknowledging what you’re going through, that they see you, alleviates some of the despair. I know it sounds dumb and corny. For me, at least. Material poverty and the struggles of chronic illness are, for me, significantly easier to confront when I feel like someone’s rooting for me, when relationships exist. So I genuinely appreciate that you asked me this! Thank you.

[zukadiary]

Hoshigumi Small Theaters ~ Spring 2019

I am five entire shows behind on reviews and I hate it!!

But I finally make it to Kansai!! I conveniently managed to see these guys on back to back days upstairs and downstairs in the same building. If nothing else I think I am 500% more educated on Hoshigumi after this trip.

Man from Algiers / Estrellas 2.0

Man from Algiers ticks all the National Tour buttons—old, done many times, ambiguous time period (useful for traveling costume recycling, i.e. why not just use the rainbow sports jackets we need for Estrellas anyway!)—and while I’m not surprised that Coto can make just about anything good, I was a bit surprised at how much I enjoyed the show itself (this was the first time I’d seen it at all, which was a blessing as the surprise ending was my favorite part). 

I can definitely envision it in all its original 70s glory, and it made me wonder if they really just wanted to exploit a West Side Story aesthetic’s swoon-inducing abilities and came up with the plot later; the opening looks and choreography were awfully familiar. Am I saying it didn’t work?

No I am not saying that.

(And the resulting prologue number was really cool).

The story, while dated, was simple and easy to follow, and does a great job of making sure you understand each character’s motivation with minimal info (difficult AND clutch for one-acts). There’s a good summary on the wiki, I’m including spoilers not mentioned there.

Team National Tour is definitely the lighter side of the troupe split, especially with regard to upperclassmen, but I thought Algiers was a good fit for this particular arrangement of members, and everyone really nailed their characters. Most notable: 

Julien is a despicable person, and it’s a testament to Coto’s pure heart and brimming talent that she made him a totally valid protagonist, complete with moments that made my heart lurch a little (when his old friends are bullying him in his cute little chauffeur outfit; how quickly he abandons everything to stand by Sabine when everything goes to hell at the end). 

It was very weird first not to see Aichan in Ocean’s and then to see her hanging out with a percentage of Hoshigumi, but this cast needed her. Her Jacques (albeit very reminiscent of her Bernardo) was a good balance for Coto; they both played unsavory people, but Aichan playing bad has kind of a darker streak that suits the more evil friend well, whereas Coto playing bad still has an undercurrent of goodness that gets you fully on board with his journey to reform.

Otoha Minori as Sabine was a good choice not only for her abs in the gold night club bikini dress, but for her maturity, which lended sincerity to Sabine’s fantasy-level selflessness in her concern for Julien and her desire to watch over him. When she shoots Jacques in her dressing room to get him out of the way so he can’t interfere with Julien’s new life, I was so impressed that it read as an act of sacrifice (however excessive and stupid) purely out of love and desire to see Julien continue to grow and succeed, instead of “look at what I did for you, come back to me!”

Asamizu Ryou played Bollinger, the dude who takes Julien in and grooms him for upper-crust success, opposite not just Coto (her senpai) but Shirotae Natsu (her mega-senpai), and she did it with a surprising amount of gravitas. She’s got that face which definitely helps, but she was a little scary and exuded a lot of authority. Shirotae Natsu was hilarious as the extraordinarily airheaded wife, and her interjections may have even been singlehandedly responsible for keeping the pacing of the show brisk and entertaining. 

Sakuraba Mai played the Bollingers’ daughter Elizabeth. She was detestable, but in the way that indicates a great acting job. She’s at that awkward spot where it looks like she’s getting almost heroine weight roles in small theaters and disappearing in grand theaters. I hope they keep pushing her because she’s very strong.

Number one heartbreaker Kozakura Honoka (voice of an angel!) played blind Annabel, daughter of Kumichou/a very influential duchess. She mostly stays inside alone, and then Julien woos her with the intention of climbing the social/political ladder (while developing feelings for Elizabeth and also really never getting over Sabine). Annabel overhears Julien confessing his feelings to Elizabeth and asks her attendant Andre (Kiwami Shin, in love with Annabel) to let her kill herself. Honoka apparently put an immense amount of time and research into acting blind and it showed. 

Fellow American Sayaka Rin had probably the most lines she’s had yet, in a role formerly held by both Takashio Tomoe and Hyuuga Kaoru <3 

My personal MVPs of this show were Shidou Ryuu and Kiwami Shin, Shidou not even for doing anything particularly spectacular, but just just for having grown so much since I first became aware of her existence via the Koumori shinko 3+ years ago. She’s always going to be on the cute side rather than the devastating side IMO, but she’s developed enough confidence and control in her acting that she’s become a really lovable best friend/brother type; her character’s relationship with Julien and secret-but-obvious admiration of his far superior coolness was really adorable. Andre (Shin) isn’t a super juicy role until the very end, but the way Shin did Andre’s quiet breakdown when Annabel was explaining she didn’t want to live anymore, and then her poise when Andre came out of nowhere and shot Julien just as he and Sabine were trying to run away from shooting Jacques (?!??!) was like, my jaw actually dropped. Granted she’s still super young, but Shin isn’t someone who has thus far impressed me proportionately to the amount they’re pushing her, so this mini breakout was nice to see. 

Estrellas (a revue that I loved!), like all tour revues with less than half the cast and no staircase, felt quite small, at least from the B-seki side box. But in the smallness, normally unseen people get to shine, and there were moments that had me bouncing in my chair. Amato Kanon is going to grow up dangerous (if Tennis Daughter doesn’t just consume all the otokoyaku below 98th); in the opening with everyone else beaming she was smoldering. Aichan and Anru took Kai’s medley (with different songs) and made it a very cute douki thing. Sazanami Reira needs to dance closer to the front more often. Ruri Hanaka (who, bless her heart, cannot sing, at least not like a musumeyaku) somehow snagged Airi’s part in Tonight is What it Means to be Young, and despite the singing, absolutely killed it; that girl can DANCE and she’s got sass and arm muscles for days and a look in her eye like she’ll superglue you to your makeup table if you cross her. 

And boy, Coto looks good in that top position. The talent is really stupid, but on top of that she has such warmth. I’m really excited for her Hoshigumi.

Kamatari

Kamatari accomplished a feat, because admittedly I went in having already biased myself against it; I thought Beni and Airi getting a weird nihonmono for their last small theater was dumb and just about as NOT THEM as you can get.

But I take it back! It was lovely!

For starters it was visually stunning, which feels like the thing you say when you’re trying to convince yourself that you liked a nihonmono you didn’t actually understand a word of... but in this case, it really was just a bonus. The story (summary here) is not actually all that complicated, and the dialogue was even on the friendly side for nihonmono—no weird dialects (beyond what it always takes to decipher Beni), no 12th level keigo. 

Act 1 introduces Kamatari (Beni) and Soga no Iruka (Hanagata Hikaru) meeting as youths in school and developing a friendship, and then takes us, as far as I can tell, fairly historically accurately through the events leading up to and including the Isshi Incident. Act 2 was a little harder for me to follow; but it seems to be just a progression of Kamatari’s struggles living under the new post-incident emperor Naka no Oe (Seocchi), with whom he’d conspired to eliminate Soga no Iruka, and the former empress/Naka no Oe’s mother (Kuracchi), who wants to see Kamatari suffer, because she both loved Iruka and couldn’t side against her son. 

Most of the roles were pretty small so there are fewer standouts, but here they are:

This was the third in a progression of Hoshi shows I saw live (the other two being Another World and Elbe) that really helped cement my respect for Beni and Airi’s brand of chemistry. At the beginning of her top run, I was skeptical about Beni’s ability to generate romantic chemistry with anyone at all (Scarlet Pimpernel didn’t really help me with that, and I haven’t seen anything between that and Another World). They definitely don’t have sizzling hot chemistry, and they don’t have that cute newlywed chemistry either, but I noticed watching Kamatari that in the last few Hoshi things I’ve seen, I’ve found it very easy to believe how deeply Beni loves Airi in whatever world they’re portraying. They have like, comfortable old married couple chemistry (yes, even when they’re playing love at first sight). Their moments in Kamatari were very tender, but in a wholesome “aw, she cooked for him” kind of way. Yoshiko (Airi) also had a lovely part at the end, where the two of them are old, and Kamatari’s health is failing, and they go back to the spot where they met, and she says their life wasn’t always easy, and they suffered, and they struggled, but in the end she can honestly say she had fun, and she’s truly happy. I teared up! It was sweet and meta! That alone convinced me it wasn’t a bad last small theater for them.

Hanagata Hikaru was SO much the star of Act 1 that it had me wondering if this was gonna turn out to be HER taidan present (but then she died and didn’t appear in Act 2 at all). I can’t complain because she kicked ass. I feel like I said this exact thing re: Another World, but Mitsuru is normally about as vanilla as it gets for me, but she blew me away. The pompous genius school kid to the idealistic young man to the uncertainty that comes with the reality of seizing power to the change to tyranny mixed with love for the empress and complicated feelings for his childhood friend all flowed seamlessly.

Not that I’ve watched a ton of Hoshi recently, but this was the best role Tenju Mitsuki has gotten in GOD I can’t even remember how long. Esaka is in service of the (state? empire?) as a historical record keeper, and serves kind of as a narrator as well (along with Itsuki Chihiro). I don’t even know how to describe how she characterized him... he’s odd? Maybe a little off? Regardless, she was brilliant. Watch it.

Arisa Hitomi has that empress energy for sure. I read up on the history of the events afterwards, and the explanation of why she had to give up the throne after witnessing such violence (the idea back then that an empress couldn’t be sullied by such things), and that made the sensitivity with which Kuracchi portrayed her feel even more poignant the more I sat with it afterwards.

This was the first show where to me Seocchi felt like she belonged up there with Beni and Mitsuru. She definitely put some weight behind Naka no Oe and was very princely. NOW I wanna see her tackle a more interesting/challenging (and tbh more Hoshigumi) role from up in this spot. 

All in all now I’m a little sad I won’t be around for God of Stars.

[krystalkoya]

Ad Hoc| 02

Summary: Landing your dream job as an advertising exec at Kim Entertainment straight out of college was nothing like you imagined. Mostly due to the fact that your college rival, Jung Hoseok, sits ten feet away from you and never misses an opportunity to make your life a living hell. When a position opens up at the firm to be chief of advertising, you jump at the opportunity, but not without having to go up against Hoseok who is also vying for the position. In a dirty game of deception and betrayal, the last thing you expect to come out of it is love.

pairing: coworker!hoseok x reader

genre: enemies to lovers (the superior trope!), future angst, future smut (18+), humour

rating: nc17

word count: 8k

chapter warnings: none 

. . .

Chapter Summary: Things were looking up... but that never lasts long, now does it? 

Series Masterpost

. . .

_______ 

The sound of a pot clashing to the floor reverberates through your tiny apartment, the sound traveling and no doubt giving your neighbors yet another reason to complain. You turned your music up loud one time and the next thing you know your getting a noise complaint from your landlord. Nevermind coming to you to address the problem, no they went straight to that rotten woman upstairs.  

You sigh. “I still don’t understand why I’m the one cooking and your supposed to be the world-renowned chef.”

“World-renowned chef-to-be, ___. I’m still in culinary school. And what, do you expect me to cook you meals every time we’re together? A chef deserves to be catered to too you know.” You roll your eyes at him, though it’s fruitless because he can’t see you from his sprawled out position on your couch.

“Fine, but if I hear even one complaint about how my noodles aren’t ‘al dente’ or whatever the fuck, I’m never cooking for you again.”

Seokjin mulls it over for a second. “That’s fair I guess. We can’t all be culinary experts. Most of your  talents lie elsewhere anyway.” He says, tone condescending and you’d almost be offended, but you know that’s just Jin.

You've known him for years. Too long really. You're not even sure how you put up with him for so long, but deep down you know it’s because you care for him deeply. He was a couple years older than you but ever since he moved in to the house next door to yours when you were in nine your bond stuck stronger than Elmer's glue.

Believe it or not, he'd actually been much more reserved as a child, yet there was still a lightheartedness to him that made him easy to get along with. You hate to admit it, he loves to boast about it, but his corny jokes won you over, the dad jokes he cracks even to this day being as annoying as they were endearing. When he'd hit his teenage years though, that's when he truly blossomed. He had always been charming but around adolescence is when he'd truly come into himself. Yet he hadn't dropped you for prettier, more popular friends as is the cliche. You chock it up to the fact that Jin was a leader not a follower. It's why your friendship had lasted so long into your mid-twenties. You also take that as the reason why he refused to let his own dreams be crushed in favor of pleasing someone else, even blood.

You scrunch your nose up in confusion. "Thanks, I guess? Only you could find a way to compliment me and insult me in the same sentence," you say.

You look up just in time to see Jin shoot you a thumbs up over the back of the couch in acknowledgement.

"Speaking of culinary school, when are you gonna tell your dad about it?" you query, looking over at his horizontal form splayed across your couch.

Seokjin sighs and rolls over onto his side, propping his head onto his hand to peer at you.

"I told you, when the right time comes. I need to be completely, absolutely, 100% sure he's going to be okay with me using the money he gave me for a business degree on culinary school instead. And if that doesn't happen in my lifetime... I'm okay with that."

You laugh, looking up from your poorly diced parsley leaves to say, " He's gonna find out eventually. Especially when you don't end up taking over the company for him when he's ready to retire. My advice? Bite the bullet, yank the bandaid off or whatever they say, but tell him now. What lie did you even tell him about college anyway?" You ask, gesturing wildly with the knife in your hand, and Seokjin recoils fearfully despite being ten feet away from you.

"Told him I took a year sabbatical." He sighs.

"And he was okay with that?!"

"More okay with it than if I told him I dropped out and used the money for a cooking degree."

You nod in understanding but then realize he can't see you. "Makes sense."

Jin rolls back over onto his back, staring up at the ceiling in thought. There's a pause before he says, "Trust me, I'd like to postpone that conversation for as long as possible. Thank you...for the advice I mean, but don't worry about it. I'll tell him... eventually."  He waves his hand dismissively but you sense the uncertainty in his voice.

You don't press any further however, choosing instead to lighten up the conversation, for his sake at least. "Okay, if you say so. I couldn't imagine you as my boss anyway. Don't want to really."

He just at the opportunity of a much lighter conversation, tacking on a statement of his own. "And as much as I like to boss you around, I don't think I'd enjoy being the CEO of an ad company. Not my thing. Too business-y, doesn't allow enough room for flair. My talents would be wasted. It'd be a shame really."

You nod in agreement at each other, only to break contact when your hand slips and the knife knicks your index finger. You curse, bringing your hand up to inspect the cut as you faintly hear Jin's voice in the background.

"Don't get any blood on my food."  

"Keep talking and it won't just be my blood," you mutter lowly. Thankfully, it was just a little knick. No blood made an appearance today and perhaps it was because your knives weren't sharp enough to inflict any serious damage. Bad for cutting actual food but good for a klutz like you. You hurry up and wash your finger off anyway, grabbing a bandaid from your kitchen first aid drawer to plaster on the wound.

As your nursing yourself back to health you hear the noise of a phone ringing in the distance. It can't be yours because you were sure it was abandoned at the bottom of your purse in your room somewhere. Too far away for you to hear it this close.

Seokjin reaches over to grab his phone off the coffee table, swiping right to accept the call.

It's not even on speaker yet you hear the resounding "Seokjinnieee!!" blare through the phone. Dear god, yet another thing your neighbors can complain about.

Seokjin reels back from the phone, only returning once the voice on the other line subsides.

"Hello, Jimin."

By now, Jin has put the phone on speaker, the three of you comfortable enough with each other to talk freely.

"Well, I was actually trying to get to ___  and I figured she was with you..." comes Jimin's voice. You knew you weren't crazy when you thought that Seokjin was over at your apartment too much lately. At this point he should just move in.

"She has a phone you know. Call her." And he hangs up.

You look at him incredulously. At this point dinner is never gonna get done with all your stopping to regard your companion in disbelief.

"Why?" you exclaim.

Seokjin mirrors your expression as if you were in the wrong here.

"What? He called me asking for you. I'm not gonna sit here and be the middleman. It's belittling."

You barely have a chance to respond before you hear the phone chime again.

This time Jimin is facetiming.

Jin taps accept hastily. "Yes Jimin?"

From your place behind the couch you can see the blank look on Jimin's face as he comes into frame.

"I going to explain that ___ never answers her phone before you so rudely hung up on me."

You snatch the phone out of Jin's hands ignoring his protests as you escape back into the kitchen.

"Ignore him Jimin, he’s just cranky right now. What d'you need?" you say cheerily.

Jin rolls himself off the couch, finally getting up to join you in the kitchen. He takes a seat in one of the barstools in front of you, his hand propped up under his head on the counter.

"Nothing really. I just wanted to know if you had any ideas for your project yet?"

Jin's demeanor changes, suddenly sitting up straighter in his seat to listen in on your conversation.

"Project? What project? ___, why haven't you told me anything about this project?" he questions excitedly.

You roll your eyes. "It didn't come up," you say curtly.

"And no, I haven't come up with anything yet." You sigh, turning back to Jimin. "It's eating me up. I need an idea but I don't want to rush into anything, you know? It has to be perfect. This is a huge opportunity. I don't wanna mess this up."

Ever since Minho made the announcement on Friday of the new job offer opening up, you had been spending quite a bit of your weekend agonizing over what you should do for your big assignment. You had been fearful Hoseok had already started working on his the moment he got back to his desk that day, but you were just being dramatic. He was probably having just as much trouble as you were coming up with an idea. Right?

"Alright, somebody tell me a what's going on here. This sounds exciting and you know I hate being left out of the loop." Seokjin complains from his seat on the other side of you.

Jimin's soft chuckles fill the room, followed by the sound of his voice. "___ here is applying for the new Chief of Advertising position here at your daddy's company." A smirk pulls at your lips when you see Jin visibly wince at Jimin's words.

Jimin, not being able to see the other man, treks on, "But get this, they're requiring a 'personal project' as part of the application process and guess who else is gunning for the position?"

Jin squints his eyes at you, appraising your sour expression. "Ah," Seokjin claps his hands in excitement, having a true aha! moment right here in your kitchen.

"College boyfriend! What was his name again? Hoseol?"

You try your best to talk over Jimin's giggles. "Not my boyfriend, number one. And two, it's Hoseok, but I could care less what you call him."

"Ok, boyfriend, maybe not. But that doesn't detract from the fact that you still wanted to jump his bones all throughout col-"

You slap a hand over Jin's mouth, effectively shutting him up for the moment. "Could you shut up? We have a very impressionable Jimin on the line and I don't want him to be corrupted by your lies."

"Oh. please continue. I'm okay with being lied to. Anything is better than the scraps ___ feeds me," he calls.

Seokjin manages to pry your hand off his lips and all too soon he's opening that large mouth of his to speak again.

"What? It's true. And I don't see what the problem is, he likes you, or at least, he did at one point."

"The problem is he stands in the way of becoming C.A.O," apparently Minho's acronym had caught on. "I'll excuse Jimin cause I didn't know him in college but Seokjin, I knew you. Come on, you know what happened between me and Hoseok back then." you whisper lowly.

"I don't know! Tell me!" There's Jimin again.

Your eyes are pleading with Seokjin not to reveal too much, and sure he's a blunt guy, but he's not an asshole (entirely). So he sighs, appeasing your silent wishes.

"Nothing. Sure, they were friends – very briefly. And ___ may or may not have had a crush on him," he ignores the glare you throw his way but you let up once you realize that this is him going easy on you.

"But they had a falling out and never spoke to each other again. Until they both ended up at the same company after uni. How crazy is that? You must of done terrible something in a past life to make the universe treat you like this. This is insane, it's like you're life is a movie... or a badly written YA novel."

You had thought the same thing when you turned up on your first day at Kim Entertainment to see that you would be working with none other than Jung Hoseok. He had been hired about a month prior to you in the same department. Truth be told, after that fateful day in uni where you swore you would never speak to him again, you hadn't thought about him much since. You had thought similar majors in college would have resulted in you running into each other in classes, but when you started seeing less and less of him you realized your schedules hadn't aligned at all. He did morning classes, you preferred evening ones. Apparently, mismatched schedules seemed to be the only bone the universe had thrown you.

You turn back to your phone when you see that Jimin is pouting in his reclined position on his sofa. "You guys never tell me anything. Am I even your friend?"

"Nice try Jimin, but put the puppy-dog face away. Of course your our friend. But some things deserve to remain in the past. This especially."

You changed the subject quickly. "Let's talk about what I should do for my advertisement." Jimin sobers up quickly, his sour expression replaced with enthusiasm at the chance to gossip. "Good. I suggest you come up with something quick. Word in the office is Sally, Brenda, and Nayeon have already started on theirs. Hoseok too." He adds quietly. Probably not wanting to alarn you but too late, you’re alarmed.

"What? It's been two days!"  

"Yeah, well some people are productive like that. Can you blame ‘em? This job is a dream compared to your silly little title of "ad crew member" no offense."

You shrug. "Eh, none taken. Thanks for filling me in I guess."

"No problem. Let me know if you come up with something! This is the most excitement the office has had in a while."

"See you Monday, Chim."

You both say your goodbyes and once you hang up you drop Jin's phone on the counter and lean against it. You don't even realize Seokjin had gotten up to turn the boiling water off and strain the noodles behind you.

"It'll be fine, you're great at this, trust me. Just relax and create something meaningful to you." It's times like this where you really admire Seokjin's easy approach to life. When you're stressing and agonizing over every little detail he can come in and say two words that'll automatically calm you down.  

You sigh, taking several deep breaths to compose yourself before you try speaking again. "You're right. It'll come to me eventually. I just have to calm down and think."

Jin nods at your understanding, then says,"Go sit down, I'll finish up."

You look at him wondering if its a joke or not. "Seriously, go sit. I'll call you when it's ready." Thank god, cause you had no idea where you were going with this meal. At your pace, he was going to get a plate full of spaghetti and diced parsley and you'd be tolerating zero complaints.

Its when Jin sits a delicious looking plate of chicken alfredo in front of you that you realize how hungry you are, thoughts still wrapped up in work.

However, Jin must be fed up with feeling like he's talking to the equivalent of a brick wall, if his next words are any indication. "Alright, talk." he says sternly.

"What?" you splutter out around a mouthful of creamy white sauce and linguini.

"It's obvious you're not gonna rest until you come up with a project idea. So talk about it. Run some ideas by me, I might not know much about advertising but I'm still CEO's son. I could help you."

As if a dam has burst inside you, you start rambling.

"I don't get it? It's like, all this time I have been swamped with creative ideas for what I could do for previous projects, but now that it matters the most, I can't come up with anything."

Jin hums in understanding, swallowing a piece of chicken, before he speaks.

"You feel more pressured than before, it's understandable. Can't you just pull from past ideas that never got to see the light of day? Revamp them a little and develop your pitches into the vision you always saw for it?"

You're quiet for a moment, halting all action including chewing because Seokjin might've been onto something.

You ask to clarify. "You mean revisit one of my old ideas for a client?"

Seokjin shrugs. "Yeah. I don't see any problem with it. It's not like you can plagiarize yourself. I mean you can – did that one to many times in college – but not in this context. Just revisit one of your old ideas and show everyone what could've been. You're really creative, and smart, and your messages have meaning. You can do this."

You're quiet yet again, simply taking in Seokjin and his words, but he's not looking at you, suddenly very interested in the linguini swimming in white sauce on his plate. But, regardless he's all to aware of your eyes on him anyway.

"Thank god you're good at this at least. Once you get this job I'm gonna have to start charging you for my services. At least you'll finally be making enough to afford it." He comments.

The smile is sliding off your face because... ah, there's the Seokjin you know and love.

"You know, I was feeling like hugging you just a second ago but 'hugging' is quickly turning into 'smacking' and I'm not sure which I'd enjoy more. I take that back – the latter, definitely the latter."

Despite his inability to remain serious for all of five minutes, Seokjin's words reassure you enough that your back to yourself, finishing up your meal now content that you had a plan of approach for deciding on a project idea.

.

.

.

When you wake up the next morning you feel refreshed, ready to tackle the day's issues head-on. You weren't a morning person but today you went about your morning routine with a pep in your step, a dumb ghost of a smile on your lips. You had attributed it to the fact that you had finally, finally decided on your project idea. It had come to you sometime between last night and early morning, when you had been mulling over your past pitches that were never developed all the way through to the end.

When you stepped into work that day nothing could put a damper on your mood because you were a woman on a mission. Not even the first sighting of Hoseok for the day trampled your spirits, like it usually did. That familiar feeling of disgust didn't immediately coil in your gut when you passed by him in the break room, making his routine cup of black coffee.

You expected a snarky comment from the man when you passed him by, but he was more likely shocked by your sunny disposition as opposed to the scowl that usually graced your features whenever graced by his presence.

Oh well. You walk past him without saying a word. You walk past your desk and Jimin's desk, which alerts the younger man's attention to you. You continue to stalk forwards however, your sights set on a destination near the back of the office.

When you get there you slam your hands down on the desk in front of you, a little more forcefully than needed but it felt right at the time. You feel bad, however, when the man in front of you jumps at your actions.

"Sorry," you cringe remorsefully. "But now that I have your attention, can I talk to you for a second?"

You manage to lure Jungkook into the conference room with you. He was slightly startled by your initial outburst but once you assured him of your intentions he followed you in here, slightly wary but still intrigued.

"So Jungkook," you begin, "I'm sure you've heard of the new position in the ad department that's opened up." At his nod of confirmation you press on,

"Well, I'm applying and I have very specific plans... plans that involve you."

Jungkook was a relatively new hire in the graphic design department of your office. He was young, the youngest there, but don't let his age fool you. He was one of, if not the most talented in that department and you were glad he was here. You've seen his work – he had an abundance of talent at photoshop, video editing, and even drawing. If you were going to get this job you needed Jungkook and you'd settle for no one else.

But for all his talent, he was still just a kid in your eyes (if you said that to him you had no doubt he'd protest vehemently). Granted, he was only a couple years younger than you but by the way his large doe eyes regarded you with an emotion you think could be fear, you decide to dial it back a bit.

"Relax," you say placating him. "I'm not gonna, like, murder you or anything." You laugh and Jungkook visibly relaxes at that.

"Oh. Well, good." he nods. "What do you need me for then?"

You smile before explaining your plans for the talented graphic designer. "Well, as you know I have to submit an advertisement of my own and I want you to help me with all the design details. Jungkook, I've told you this before but you're talented... like super-fucking talented. I can't think of anyone else I want to help me with this."

Jungkook blushes at your words, a hand coming up to rub at his neck awkwardly. "Ah- t-thanks ___. Sure, I'd be glad to help. What is it that you're doing exactly?"

You run over the idea that had come to you sometime last night.

A couple months ago your team had taken on a client who wanted to promote their makeup line. They hadn't made a name for themselves yet, a small brand looking for some much needed promotion. You saw potential there, but the team you had been assigned to work with on this particular client had a much different vision from yours. Whereas you saw a product that could reach a wide audience, your much older, (and whiter) male colleagues had a much more... narrowed perspective.

The resulting social media campaign depicted the makeup line as a product specifically catered to the fairer skinned female demographic. You and the small number of people in your camp had a similar vision so it was unsurprising that you were all disappointed with the final product. The client, not knowing any better, had accepted what they thought was the informed opinion of her promotion team.

Although you make fun, you thank god for Minho because the last manager had no idea what he was doing.

He assembled a team of a handful of minorities and an abundance of narrow minded men together on an task to market makeup. Makeup. For you, this had confirmed that fact that your old manager either a) didn't give a fuck or b) was truly that dense. You had sensed it was a combination of the two, given the way the older males in the office and your manager all seemed to be buddy-buddy.

Either way he was incompetent at his job and you were glad he was gone.

Revamping this project and molding it to fit your vision was almost like a second chance. Since you last checked, the brand was doing well for itself but you had no doubt it could be bigger. If it was marketed better it could've reached a wider audience, one that wasn't limited to the fairer-skinned female demographic, or females in general. If there was one thing you learned through personal experiences, and in college was that representation matters – people tended to support things that they saw a  reflection of themselves in – and this was your concern in almost every endeavor you took on at work.

You fill Jungkook in on all the details because he hadn't been hired yet when this occurred. He listened, fascinated not only with the story, but also with the way passion seemed to ooze from you with every word. It was obvious to Jungkook that you cared about your work, and he could understand that because he felt the same way about his. Jungkook had already agreed to help you, but by the end of your spiel he was even more sold, vowing to do you justice by giving whatever you needed from him his all.

Your smiling in gratitude, thanking him prematurely for his help and you're just about to run through more of the details with him when you hear a rap on the open door of the conference room.

"Knock, knock. Oh, hey," You peel your eyes away from Jungkook to the man in the doorway and you immediately recoil.

"Jimin, out." You seethe because you know that look. It's the look he's been giving Jungkook for the past two months since he's been here.

"What?" he exclaims, inviting himself further into the room, to your dismay.

"We're all friends here. What'cha discussing?"

He's talking to you, but not really because his eyes are glued to the younger man beside you. Jesus christ, it's like watching a hunter stalk its prey. Don't worry Kook, I'm gonna get you out of here.

"Nothing that concerns you. Now if you don't mind Jungkook and I have work to do. He's helping me with my project."

Jimin's ears perk up and he finally tears his eyes from Jungkook for the first time since he got here. "Oh? So you decided on what you want to do? Good, cause I was starting to worry, Seokjin told me you were stressing the other night."

"Yeah, well, no need to worry. I've got it. I'll tell you the details over lunch but right now Jungkook and I really have to-"

"So, Jungkookie... I don't know if ___ mentioned this but I'm applying too. I could use some help on my project. How about we discuss it over dinner sometime, there's this really nice Italian restaurant nearby and-"

"Oh my god, Jimin leave!" you yell covering your ears. At this point you're not entirely sure who's more uncomfortable, you or Jungkook, but one look at Jungkook tells you it's him because he's red all over, ears tinged an adorable pink as his eyes dance around the room, landing anywhere but at the horndog of a man you call your friend.  

Eventually though, Jimin does leave the two of you to work, but not before making you both more uncomfortable (if that was possible) by winking at Jungkook and innocently waving you goodbye, as if he hadn't just barged in and done what he had done.

The next day had started off just as good as the last. You stepped into work much like yesterday, only this time you were antsy, finally ready to get down to business. When you step away from your desk to take a much needed break you immediately make your way to Jungkook's sector of the office. You're literally jumping out of your skin at the thought of discussing your latest ideas with him but when you reach his desk, he's not there. Weird.

More often than not, Jungkook was at his desk, headphones on, intently editing a video clip or a photo or something of the sort. Point being he was a hard worker, so much so that you had to physically pry him away from his desk one time to get him to go to lunch with you. Maybe he was in the break room? You think, already making your way there but once you arrive you're met with Barbara in all her morning glory, face upturned in a frown as she fiddles with the Keurig that she can't seem to figure out how to operate. You back away slowly, ready to give up on locating the man as you make your way back to your desk.

You're just settling into your seat when you pick up on something, hushed whispers coming from one of the cubicles nearby and you peak your head up in curiosity. You follow the sound, the voices sounding more and more familiar as you get closer and you stop short when you realize the voices are coming from Hoseok's cubicle. You peak your head inside and no surprise, there's Hoseok but the real surprise is that Jungkook's there with him, sitting on a chair Hoseok must've pulled from one of the empty cubicles.

"What are you doing?" you query suspiciously, startling both men with your sudden appearance.

Hoseok shoots Jungkook a look as if apologizing for your interruption before turning to you exasperatedly.

"Talking. Do you mind?"

"No not really. About what?" you ask, not liking this in the slightest.

"None of your business?" Hoseok says as if its common knowledge. "Please, you're bothering me and my companion, so if you'll excuse us-"

You cut him off, turning to Jungkook instead because you know he'll give you the answers you're looking for.

"Jungkook," you ask sweetly, "What were you guys talking about?"

Jungkook looks hesitant, as if he's not sure what he says is going to get him in trouble or not. He probably should be scared. Contrary to popular belief, you didn't think anything good could come out of talking to Jung Hoseok.

"Uh, well," he stammers, "Hoseok wanted to know if I could help him with his project for the new job."

"And?" you press.

"I said yes?" At the exasperated toss of your head, Jungkook elaborates. "I'm still going to help you! I'll help both of you!" Jungkook swears he can see steam coming out of your ears now, so he tries again. "He offered to pay me!" he says as if that justifies why he was helping the enemy.

You shoot Hoseok a look because of course, of course he would go that route.

You were so blinded by happiness that things were finally starting to go your way that you that you forgot how far Hoseok would go to one-up you.

Hoseok refuses to dignify your glare with words, his only response is folding his arms across his body and staring you back just as intensely. A challenge. You end up keeling first this time, rubbing your hands down your face tiredly.

"Jungkook, he's my competition." you say in effort to explain your frustration at this sudden turn of events.

"I know that. I still want to help you," he apologizes, eyes soft. Then he turns to Hoseok, "I'll help you too."

Almost at the same time both you and Hoseok are blowing up at him.

"It's me or him!"

"Anyone else but her please!"

Jungkook looks like a lost puppy, looking between the two of you hesitantly before he's finally rising, throwing his hands up in defeat.

"You know what, I take it back! Have fun navigating photoshop yourselves, I'm done!"

He's storming off and you can only stare because you managed to make the calmest man in the office pissed off at you.

"You just had to ask Jungkook didn't you? There's plenty other graphic designers in the office but it just had to be Jungkook didn't it?" you say bitterly.

"They're not like him. His style really suits my vision. Besides, why should you get the best designer in the office all to yourself?" Hoseok counters.

You shake your head at him tiredly but then another voice is piping up to share his (unwanted) opinion.

"He's not a tool guys. He's a person, with feelings. And you're his friends, at least, that's what he thought. Maybe he was wrong." Jimin is poking his head over Hoseok's cubicle to give his two cents on the situation and though you didn't want to hear it, you definitely needed to.

He was right. Jungkook, as sweet as always, just wanted to do something nice for you, and all you did was treat him like a resource to use at your own expense. That's not how it had been at first, but once you found out Hoseok was also soliciting Jungkook's help, that's what it turned into.

You stand there disgusted with yourself and one look up at Hoseok's expression tells you he feels the same way about himself. Who knew he had a remorseful bone in his body after all. Just none of them were reserved for you apparently.

You sigh, you seriously needed to apologize and quick.

.

.

. You give Jungkook ample amount of time to cool off, waiting until your lunch break to beg your forgiveness.

"Hey," you appear at the entryway of his cubicle, food from the Vietnamese place he loves so much in your hands. It wasn't exactly in the area, but the drive was worth it considering how you treated him this morning.

"I brought you lunch." you say meekly, gesturing to the bag of food in your hand. He's not looking at you though, headphones on and typing away at his computer. But he does pause long enough to let you know that he's listening. You sigh, pulling up a chair next to his and setting the food down on a clear area of his desk.

"Look, Jungkook, I'm sorry. You were nice enough to help me and I took you for granted. You can help Hoseok if you want, I don't care." It was a lie you did care, but Jungkook could make his own decisions, you didn't own him. "Just know that I'm really sorry, and you don't have to help me if you don't want to." You're met with more silence.

"Pleaaase," you pout. "I just want my friend back."

The click, click, clicking of Jungkook's pen as he taps it against the table is eating at you.

You're starting to think you should just trudge back to your cubicle defeatedly, but then he's speaking.

"Did you order pho?"

You smile, thanking the heavens you had the last minute idea to pick up food to accompany your apology. After all, a shortcut to Jungkook’s heart was through his stomach.

"Of course," you say, digging in the bag to take out two orders of pho, one for you and one for him.

You two have just settled in, digging into the food messily before Jungkook's speaking again.

"I'm still going to help you ya' know."

"Really? Thank you so mu-"

He cuts you off. "But I'm also helping Hoseok."

The smile disappears from your face for a split second but you plaster it back on again. "Right. No problem. You're good but my project will just have to be better than his, no problem." You say understanding.

"See that's the spirit. You guys are my friends and I want to help you. But I'm also doing this for me. It'll be a good way for me to expand my portfolio. Plus, corporate is gonna see this right? Please, when they see the finished product they'll be all over me."

You look at him surprised but snap out of it quickly. Jungkook was smart, of course he took this as an opportunity to showcase his talents.

"Smart," you nod in approval. "I raised you well, of course there was something in it for you." He nods along with you.

"But one question though," you furrow your brow in contemplation.  "If Hoseok's your friend," you shudder and in the corner of your eye you spot Jungkook trying to contain his laughter, "Why is he paying you?"

Jungkook slurps up the last of the broth, giving a satisfied sigh before he regards you.

"He offered before I could tell him he didn't have to and besides..." he lowers his voice as if about to tell you some huge secret, "I like you a little better anyway, he doesn't buy me food nearly as much as you do..." he looks around before adding "but don't tell him that." .

.

.

"Can you make it any more obvious that you're spying on me?"

Hoseok backtracks, stopping at the entrance of your cubicle. "Who me?" He asks and he has the audacity to look dumb, glancing around before pointing a finger at himself in question.

You wheel around in your office chair to face him. "Yes, you. I don't have enough fingers to count how many times you walked past my desk today. Is there something you need?"

"Don't be so self-absorbed. Sure I walked past once or twice but its strategy. If you were smart, you'd keep tabs on your competition too."

"Oh, so you think I'm competition now? What happened to that confidence Chief?" you say mockingly.

Your satisfied by the flash of annoyance that crosses his face.

"Still here, don't you worry." he glances behind you. "And judging by that word file you have up I have nothing to worry about. I'll leave you to it. Looks like you have a lot of work to do."

You turn around in horror. The screen you had left up displaying what you had typed up so far for your project outline. You're wheeling around again to tell him off, you had a plan, it just wasn't typed up yet, but he was already gone, probably out to wreck havoc on some other innocent soul.

A few hours later Minho is calling a meeting in the conference room, a much needed distraction from the work you were supposed to be doing and the (personal) work you were actually doing.

You take a seat in your usual spot next to Jisoo.

"Any idea what this meeting's about?" you whisper.

"No idea," she sighs, "don't get me wrong, I'll take this guy any day over that  last idiot in a suit they put in charge of this branch but his meetings are becoming more and more unpredictable. I feel like he's calling them just to get his daily dose of social interaction these days." You snicker. Jisoo could be frank but you didn't mind. She was one of the few people that kept you sane in this office and you were thankful for it.

"Alright guys, thanks for coming on such short notice." Minho calls meekly from the front of the room to get everyone's attention. It takes a minute for everyone to quiet down, but Minho, like always waits patiently for the crowd to settle.

Once it’s quiet he begins, "As some of you may know we took on a new client last week. A high profile client. Their willing to pay big money for us to promote their new swimsuit line. We can't risk upsetting them. I want us to be the Vacanti family's first choice when they want to advertise their products again. And they'll need an ad company, trust me, they've got a number of business ventures to keep them busy for a lifetime."

"Rich kids. If my daddy had that much money I'd start my own business too." Jisoo mutters under her breath to you.

She was referring to the Vacanti family, probably bitter over the fact that the youngest daughter had the enough money and influence to start her own swimsuit line. It was already successful, but if you knew anything about the Vacanti family it was that they were greedy. So far that greed has served them well. They probably wanted help promoting their product so it could not only be successful domestically, but globally as well.

They were exactly the type of clients Jisoo hated working with, too demanding and ignorant to let you do your job, preferring to have things their own way. It was why she opted out of this assignment, but you on the other hand had expressed interest that you'd be willing to take on the client. You liked a challenge, finding yourself bored with the mundaneness of a routine.

Apparently so did other people in the office.

"Jihyun, Susana, ___, and Hoseok. I want you four on this assignment. You all have the some of the highest client retention rates in the office and conveniently some of the only few who didn't opt out," Minho says, squinting as his list of coworkers.

"Um-" you start.

"Wait a minute-"

Both you and Hoseok are in agreement about one thing, you presume. Neither of you wanted to work with the other.

"Yes, ___, Hoseok, is there a problem?" Minho inquiries, genuine concern marring his features.

There's a pause in the room, everyone's attention zeroed in on you and Hoseok. But then, there's a shift in Hoseok's demeanor, a complete one-eighty from the anger that was radiating off him just a moment ago.

"No, not at all. When do we start?"

You're just staring at Hoseok, mouth agape because what the hell just happened? You expected him to be livid and he was for a fraction of a second. You had been sure he would be demanding that either you or him be reassigned to a new team just a second ago.

Sure you and Hoseok had worked together before, but on a lot larger teams, with more people that could act as a barrier between you and Hoseok. There were arguments here and there but generally you two didn't have to speak to each other unless absolutely necessary. In a group of four it was inevitable that you'd have to interact with one other.

You don't understand Hoseok's sudden mood swing and you're about to go ahead and express your displeasure but then it clicks.

He was such a fucking kiss-up. This new angle? It was all part of his ploy to stay in good graces with the boss, just in case he had any influence in who would get the promotion. Insubordination wouldn't look good on a job application, now would it?

You take a moment to examine Hoseok again. He's trying his best to look curious, interested, a friendly smile on his face the perfect cherry on top. But the smile is strained and you see right through his facade. Underneath that mask he's just as frustrated as you are with the new assignments. But that's okay. Two could play at this game. You clamp your mouth shut, settling back into your seat again contentedly.

Minho looks to you. “__? Everything okay?”

“Perfectly fine, just clearing my throat,” you smile.

Jisoo shoots you a look. You're behavior is out of character, but she doesn’t comment on it.

Now that Minho has settled that you two are content, he turns back to Hoseok, contemplating his earlier question.

"I guess I want you guys starting as soon as possible if you can. Sofia Vacanti is expected to drop by this week to go over the details but I'd like you all to get together and brainstorm if possible.” Susana shoots Minho a thumbs up and Jihyun blurts out a "no problem" in response. You and Hoseok follow suit, smiling and nodding like an uncomfortable set of penguins. .

.

.

4:03pm

Just 57 more minutes of this and then you were free. Was this what eternal damnation felt like? If so, you'd be hightailing it to the nearest church tomorrow to repent for every sin you ever committed in all your 26 years of living.

Okay, you were exaggerating. These last few minutes weren't that bad if you were being honest, considering that for a change Hoseok was silent. Must have been just as upset as you, so much so that he was shocked into silence.

You chance a glance over at him, his expression was neutral, elbows up on the table and hands clasped in front of him.  

Susana brilliantly suggested that you Jihyun, and Hoseok hang back after everyone left the conference room to run over the Vacanti assignment.

Promotion of a swimsuit line was easy enough, you'd all done clothing before, numerous times. No, the main problem here would be getting over the obstacle that was Sofia Vacanti, but that bridge could be crossed once you got to it.

Susana's cheery tone was usually tolerable to you but today you were just not in the mood. To your credit, you tried hard to keep the scowl off your face.

"So anyone have any ideas they want to share? The type of medium they want to use? We'd have to run it all by Sofia of course, but it can't hurt to get some ideas out there!"

Good god did she eat pixie sticks and jolly ranchers for breakfast? How was someone this happy all the time? You really weren't mad at her, but in fairness, you couldn't help but be mad at the world right now.

When it’s apparent that neither you nor Hoseok are going to speak at the moment, Jihyun jumps in.

“We could do a commercial. Commercials are always good." He says helpfully.

"A commercial, nice thinking Jihyun!" Susana high-fives him. You resist the urge to roll your eyes.

She writes it down on her blank sheet of paper and asks, "Any other ideas?"

Silence. "Alright, commercial it is. Good job coming to a consensus everyone, we're off to a great start." She says circling the word on the page.

"Although," she contemplates for a moment, "a social media campaign seems like a good route to go, especially for a client like Sofia. So I'll put that on the list too, just in case."

Thankfully, the meeting goes by smoothly, with Susana doing fifty percent of the talking, Jihyun about forty and you and Hoseok share the remaining ten.

The meeting is just about coming to a close when you all can't go any further, needing to wait on the approval of the client for the go-ahead. You're closing up your notebook that you scrawled two notes of chicken scratch in when Susana gives her closing remarks.

"So there's not much else we can do for now. But I think it'd be smart to split up the work a bit. Jihyun and I can work on overall cinematography and casting and Hoseok and ___, why don't you guys draft up a script?"

That stops you in your tracks because not only did you have to work with Hoseok but now you had to work with him with him?

"How about no?" Hoseok murmurs, beating you to it.

"Huh? Why not?" Susana, sweet girl, is lost, confusion marring her pretty features as she looks between the two of you.

"I just figured that since you two are the most creative when it comes to this that you'd have no problem drafting up a script in no time. Listen,  if you're worried about not coming up with something good me and Jihyun are will be here to give you feedback. Minho said this was an important client so I thought if we strategically used our talents, it could work to our benefit." Susana was rambling, not trying to come off as pushy but also not realizing the real reason you and Hoseok didn't want to work together.

At that moment you drop your broody bitch act, taking pity on the poor girl who was just trying to do her job.

"It's not a problem for me. We can work on the script together. Like adults, right Hoseok?" you ask and pointedly turn to him, challenging him yet again. You're almost sure that was the last straw, if the annoyance that flashes in his eyes is any indication. But he surprises you for the second time that day, tearing his gaze away from you and muttering a dissatisfied “fine" under his breath.

Despite not wanting to work with him either, you find satisfaction in the fact that you managed to piss him off yet again. And he couldn't do anything about it. Not with witnesses present, at least.

"Great! This is great! Alright, meeting adjourned guys. Good work today."

Susana says upbeat, her pep returned to her almost instantly.

You're shoving your too-large notebook into your too-small tote bag aggressively, ready to go home and call it a day. You hear Hoseok shift next to you and when you look up you realize it is just the two of you left in the conference room.

You're concerned now because... Hoseok’s free to kill you now – your witnesses were gone.

But he doesn't kill you, only looks like he wants to when he says, "I don't know what you think you're doing but stop. I don't want you jeopardizing my position at this company, or the one I'm going to have in a couple of months." He says patronizingly.

Your smile is sweet, but your tone is anything but, "Don't be so self-absorbed Hoseok," you echo his words from earlier, "the world doesn't revolve around you."

Hoseok is clenching his jaw tight with anger, shocked you managed to somehow use his words against him. For a moment you think he's going to argue back, but then he's simply shaking his head in defeat, pushing past you and out the door.

When he's  gone you finally let the stifled smile you'd been holding in take over your features.

Oh, this was going to be equal parts amusing as it was infuriating.

[hamannpearson8-blog]

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I recommend one to try this internet site where you can get quotes from different companies: http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz May lawmakers ultimately develop a nationwide medical health insurance trade instead of the state based exchanges? Also, how is it possible still for medical insurance firms to be provided with the liberty to market their policies across state collections?" What's the pool monthly in Colorado including insurance's projected cost? What is a pool regular in Florida including insurance's projected cost? Insurance carrier's that address weight loss surgery? Anybody know of an insurance carrier that covers weight reduction surgery Automobile insurance problem? I used to be a passenger in an auto accident and my notebook was cracked. Would the owners insurance policy it? It should still must protect it right, even when it was responsibility? He says the insurance claims no because I had beennot harmed... That doesn't make any sense." I want inexpensive vehicle liability insurance may anybody recommend an excellent business? I need inexpensive car liability insurance may anybody advise an excellent firm? I am covered by our car insurance wont. Exactly what do Ido? I rearended a girl about the 18th of sep 2013. I thought I used to be included in my insurance since dad explained it'd be better basically got insurance. Its vehicle and its particular on his policy but i was not to the plan this whole time. But heres the thing, a farmers insurance agent told my father that anyone will be coated as long as he knew they were operating the automobile. Therefore my issue is... So what can i do? Dad was lied to by this broker and we've no proof that she did. I will be going in to talk to her today and can try and get the discussion noted, we hope to obtain a confession like that. But have you got any tips?" Need help using a concern about auto insurance quotes.? Is it legitimate for someone else to obtain an insurance quotation for you without your approval? The person named and instructed the insurance carrier they were automobiles he thought of purchasing. Neither vehicle is in his name and neither manager gave express authorization for him to request these details. What inexpensive dental insurance includes ortho? Could you advise any? I am seeking affordable dental insurance that includes ortho. I'm 29 yrs old and considering receiving one. I really do have dental insurance - (orange Mix) does this address ortho?" Exactly why is medical insurance expense climbing? Exactly why is medical health insurance cost rising? Motorcycle insurance? Anyone have any concept on the price on motorcylce insurance. I'm 26 clean record.Thinking about getting a new yamaha cruiser 600-700cc Auto insurance material I really donot understand.? Hi everyone, I'm an international scholar who's been in america (Buffalo, NY) for your past a couple of years working hard-on my masters (I am 25 now). I purchased a POS Saturn a year ago for that since itis mandatory in this country i needed to get motor insurance and, nicely, for 2000 bucks. Since I have was from abroad and i had a novice's permit during the time, I'd to have insurance with my permit that is global. So i paid for a few months, modern was my only selection. This is the price I Have been investing in the past year. Sadly, i just do not have the cash to cover 700 more dollars for your next 6 months. they are typical round the same variety although I tried different insurance firms. Apparently, I had been not bright enough never to obtain a creditcard as soon as i landed within this state. Should you choosen't have income, I used to be increased together with the, do not spend it viewpoint and so I just applied my debit card. Here is the purpose that is only that I will observe for these absurd prices. Every single one of my pals (all overseas students) spend around 200 250/six months bucks because of their items of crap vehicles. I just feel like i'm not being granted a good offer. Devoid of a charge might be place by any credit on me, i understand significantly how a capitalist brain works... Let's imagine about pounds for a few months? Right consider itis kind of messed that firstly up itis necessary, and then there's no standard to atleast be sure that noone gets ripped off. Is there any way that the person may inquire why he is being billed so much(instead of the bs the agents tell you i.e your area is undesirable etc.)? Or have you been at the mercy of those folks?" Life Insurance for my loved ones? If it will be worth to acquire life-insurance for my loved ones I am trying to determine? Currently, once I claim household I am talking about my parents and siblings. I am only with getting something thatis economical like phrase insurance I didn't notice to many good stuff about complete insurance matter." Howmuch may pmi insurance cost in al on the 128400 buck home with money that is 100%? Howmuch will pmi insurance charge in al on a 128400 money house with 100% capital? What does the typical National that already had medical insurance escape Obamacare besides greater costs? Individuals insurance rates are now being raised currently although Obamacare isn't fully executed. Quarry went up by 34% over last year. Wat insurance can I use? I'm 19 yrs old and I've a part time occupation. Wat could be the insurance I can get? And a one Car Insurance/Registration? I've tried closing my auto insurance twice, They keep showing me that if my vehicle is authorized with no insurance I will get fined simply because they need to immediately notify their state of MIchigan when someone cancels.Apparently even if the vehicle isn't being influenced and isn't parked on the road I'll get penalized for having a car registered without any insurance. Its not like I documented it without insurance(which i cant do anyway) But I can't afford insurance rightnow and I don't intend on operating the vehicle IN ANY RESPECT,(its along anyway). Is this true the things they are they or are showing me just trying to persuade me into keeping the insurance? And when this is not false and I do stop my subscription can I need to spend the enrollment charge yet again?" I only discovered i'm pregnant without any insurance? I only discovered I am pregnant and don't possess insurance. I live-in Florida close to the Los Angeles/ Orange County line. I am trying to find out if you can find not any blame /inexpensive hospitals I could head to to get tested? Any data wouldbe appreciated." Car Insurance for small driver? Hello, I am presently doing my drivers permit and really should obtain it from the end-of the following month and I'm simply confused concerning the charge of insurance... Iam planing to buy small Fiat which can be Insurance Group 5 and I looked up for charges through income store and the cheapest offer was over 9000 for a year and that is simply outrageous so I'm a bit confused about it and do not know if i did something wrong when crammed the information but anyway what the average-cost must be like? Thanks in advance" Need advice on medical care insurance firm that is superior? Attempting to obtain medical care insurance for a member of the family. Looking for a excellent business who might supply important health care insurance with atleast a $ 2. Just primarily looking for some basic protection. Many thanks for whatever assistance I can be given by you." What size alloy wheels may transform the insurance of a car (read details)? I 've been taking a look at automobiles to purchase for a long time today and as I'm a seventeen year old son insurance is ridiculous since it is. Locating automobiles that ensure and i can manage to get is hard. I've found afew 'perfect' automobiles, however a number of them have metal wheels as opposed to the normal manufacture people. So you can help me out I'll quote my insurance site: Substitute of factory fitted wheels with Materials of the identical size this doesn't modify my insurance quote one bit. Consequently my question is, does this mean I cannot get insured, if a 1998 Peugeot 306 has 16 inch white wolfrace alloys? This could become a silly problem, just want to get it right time, indicates alot Alex." How come unemployment insurance so inexpensive and healthinsurance so pricey? My unemployment insurance is deducted by the government but I have to pay healthinsurance out-of earnings? Appears like the federal government requires not more. Prices are hated by conservatives only earnings. We need to get healthcare out like unemployment. Cheap automobile insurance in Canada? For brand people that are new? Fresh Insurance Law in Illinois? Can anybody tell me what's the fee for driving without insurance in Illinois and stepping into an accident. Because i changed lanes, I got into an accident and drove my buddyis auto, it was my fault. I have previously settled one other guy for his damages and also have gotten a release from him. It is a first-time crime, what'll occur to me." Exactly what a car insurance that is great for a teen? Okay I'm 16, virtually 17, I'm in individuals ed, I've my own pickup. I reside in Vermont, I get normal marks in university, what's a superb motor insurance, that also offers sorta low prices (I make around $500 monthly)" Simply how much can my insurance boost after DUI? I had a fairly exemplerary operating history, and have been to get a number of years with Nationwide. I paid about 100 bucks monthly full coverage as being a 26-year old guy on my Vehicle. Does anybody have an informed guess at what my insurance charges will do today? I am looking to choose, when I get my certificate back and purchase a new auto, if insurance rates alone will make me want to get something inexpensive with liability coverage, or basically ought to be looking with complete coverage at a sports car. In West Virginia, I live by the way." Roughly how much is insurance for a 17 year old female? Just wondering how much it would cost per month for a 17 year old girl with a very cheap car? I recommend one to try this internet site where you can get quotes from different companies: http://saleinsurancequotes.xyz

[mohammad14vinding-blog]

When You're Held Back For Anxiety You Might Surpass In charge.

The annoyed girlfriend made a decision to expose his infidelity on film as well as shared the minute she got him back back all over the internet. Then I bore in mind that my spouse had made me cheese sandwiches that day so I produced the cling movie as well as stated, 'the only waste here comes from my sarnie wrappers'. He overlooks his kids, his partner, his church and his work as he focuses an increasing number of on Alicia, his online friend. If both partners are ready to endanger, the Scorpio guy and also Virgo lady can build a solid partnership. The story didn't begin till web page 354 when after great deals of connection issues and s they ultimately showed up in Ireland. Loan is a forbidden subject, as a whole, and also couples-- especially new ones who are still navigating the sloppy waters of a progressing relationship-- do not like to talk about the financial circumstances they may be in. Yet these discussions are required. The periodic rapid has been shown to result in a lot of the benefits we've already talked about, so also if you do not use it to cut down on calories constantly there are still several various other health and wellness benefits. Its concepts are dated currently, however the truth is the connection between business and consumer has evolved as well as could advance even more. Leo has the tendency to glamorize everything (assume Joey Tribbiani from Pals) and also wishes to be the focal point. He agrees to make whatever backdoor political bargains could get him closer to Washington; he is as ready to take the situations of servant owners as he is to protect run away slaves; as well as he will abandon his friend in order to keep tranquility at house with his wife. However, changes in partners' perceptions of actor's responsiveness led to their increased responsiveness to actors and compassionate goals the following week. New Friend is amusing trash that we discover ourselves engrossed because we hate to admit it. Mia Kirsher provides an excellent efficiency as Alicia, a college lady that overdoses under questionable circumstances as well as the prime suspects are her new top class filthy rich pals. Self-indulgent narrative sympathizes boldy with inefficient central connection and aims to encourage visitor that claimed dysfunctional central relationship is not abusive by resolving this hazard of abuse via the lens of characters set up by the narrative to be villainous/bitchy/slutty. As you spend time with Me, your ideas tend to jump ahead to today's plans as well as troubles. I know that to you those Twelve Month appear like a very long time and you can really feel the range slipping between you as well as this young boy who is still at college, but he still holds the power to turn his life around - it's simply that the much longer he waits to do it, the much less likely that you and also your various other close friends will certainly play a part because life. http://www.buyitdirect-my.com have a possibility to miss out on each various other, and also it aids you truly understand the value of your relationship. Think of recommendations or feedback as information - option. But do not hit the various other individual over the head with it. No significant connection was located between loneliness and also sociability; anxiety and also sociability. Clinical depression and also loneliness are thought about to be the major troubles leading to impaired lifestyle among seniors. The rest of the actors are either bothersome by their own initiatives or disappointing due to exactly how little they offer the table. It's a lot easier to maintain something like that on course if you don't just seek advice when you have actually got to dilemma point," she claimed. Otherwise, remark listed below as well as I will aim to collect some particular concepts just for your boss. Stephen Harrigan has completely recorded a guy we all A Pal of Mr. Lincoln by Stephen Harrigan is without a doubt a magnificent read. So unpleasant & unusual like a life time movie. She completely told this sorry prior to and also has once more she informed an extremely comparable tale in Justin's book with the attorney and also assistant. However we need to have even more freedom in the connection-- for the most parts, we're discussing placing more democracy right into commercialism. It additionally shows up that job could be quite a lonely area too: 42% of people stated they had no close friends at work. Thoughtful objectives and perceptions of roomies' responsiveness, though associated, are also empirically distinct. Kafka wished for his whole world to continue to be exclusive-- he never finished any of his books as well as burned the majority of his manuscripts; the rest he entrusted his closest good friend and literary administrator, Max Brod, whom he instructed to melt the continuing to be journals, manuscripts, sketches, and also letters. The two, although superficially independent of each other, are realistically connected by the truth that the private physician practices within the monopolistic framework that identifies the connection between the career (which the medical professional is a participant) as well as culture all at once. A Goat guy will often become friends with a female prior to considering a romantic relationship with her. My Papa, born in the late 50's in country Illinois, really did not take a shower in a connected restroom at his moms and dads home till his wedding day at age 25. There were 3 television channels. In BUDDY OF BILL, Lizzy Caplan plays an author jailed for public intoxication, who is compelled to take a sabbatical in order to kick her alcoholism. If you're a telecommuter in need of workplace away from loud children, ask see if a buddy has unused room throughout the day. Many people recuperate from psychological health problems without having to go into health center. Employer is book two in Chianti Kisses series and also concentrates a large amount on Dom's point of view. That is, objectives and also objectives predict people's relationship habits and just how they analyze companions' actions, which consequently, feed back to forecast goals and objectives. Clare Alexander, a literary representative that worked for Twenty Years as an author, stated five years ago employers at Penguin would certainly have spoken with electronic gurus". This is the verdict to Like An Employer where we were left on an almighty cliffhanger. Once you obtain genuine regarding your connection as well as consider it for all that it is - as well as all that it isn't - there are some concerns that are just too significant to forget.

[scripttorture]

Hello! The anon with the ask about the child soldier again, that you just answered for.)) I’ve changed his backstory up a lot since I sent that ask(finding faults in realism) and also have not clarified a lot. What I meant by ‘was never held as a child’ was inclined towards the fact his mother abandons him. He’s raised by a resistance group and he doesn’t necessarily leave them. It’s complicated unless I were to explain the entire workings of my story, but he isn’t entirely human and (part 1/3)

The part of him that isn’t human leaves him with an nearly uncontrollable killer instinct. He’s not blindly violent at all, but his first instinct is to kill if someone were to start a fight with him or tried to take something/someone of his. And so he’s in a way “outcasted” from his group while still being a part of it. The others are merely afraid of him and treat him as a weapon rather then a human person. The world that he lives in is unforgiving and he’s had to learn to survive (part 2/3)Living in this place, no one goes long in their life without seeing death. I’ve diagnosed him with PTSD as well as Insomnia(which is a symptom of ptsd, i know) the person that he falls in love with, the relationship is not just one sided on trama, the girl is also suffering and so their love is based on trust and mutual support. They basically become each others life line. If you can give me anymore pointers on how to make this more real that’d be wonderful, ᏆᎽЅℳ ℱᎾℛ ℰᏉℰℛᎽᏆℋℐℕᎶ ᎽᎾU ⅅᎾ(•ᴗ•)❤

OK well mycaveat with fantasy and sci fi asks is relevant here: I can only answerassuming characters have human brains and human nervous systems.

The wayyou’re describing this character really isn’tclose to normal human reactions. It isn’t even a normal mammalian reaction.

HonestlyI’m trying to think of an animal, any animal, that would always andinstinctively choose to fight and I’m struggling. Fighting is a dangerous andenergy consuming process, there’s a reason it’s not the one go-to optionfor us when we’re scared: flight and freeze responses help keep us alive.

After alittle bit of searching the closest thing I’ve found is a type of fish: theSiamese fighting fish. The males instinctively fight each other over breedinggrounds and are highly aggressive. But there’s a reason for these highlyunusual characteristics: they live in shallow, hot, low oxygen environmentswhere breeding habitats are scarce. This is a highly unusual adaptation to anextreme environment.

Also theirlife span is something like a year.Slightly longer in captivity when kept in conditions so they don’t fight.

There’s areason this sort of adaption is unusual. If that’s how your character behaves-well that’s outside my expertise because you’ve made your character toodifferent to humans.

If hisresponse is always violence, to any stress response-

Well thatisn’t safe. Not for him and not for anyone else around him.

If you werewriting him as human, without this focus on violence, I’d say that the symptomsyou describe are too mild for the profound life-long social isolation you’redescribing. I don’t think a character that was this profoundly isolated wouldsurvive into adulthood.

Acharacter who was isolated so profoundly almost from birth would not learn to interact and socialise withother people well. That makes any sort of romantic relationship or strongfriendship less likely which increases isolation.

As I thinkI said before: suicide is one of the most likely outcomes. Self-mutilation isalso incredibly likely. Memory problems, learning difficulties, irrationalthinking and extreme mood swings: all ofthese common symptoms would make him less able to perform the actions you wanthim too, ie fight.

But you’renot writing him as human. You’re writing him with unrealistically low levels ofsymptoms for the extreme experiences he’s been through and a stress responsethat is so rare in the animal kingdom I had trouble finding an example inreality.

I don’tthink a character who always responded to stress with violence could functionin any society. And combining that with PTSD and the faulty stress responsesthat come with PTSD means that again, I don’t think this character would livevery long. You say he’s not randomly violent but if he responds to stress withviolence and has a faulty stress response then he would be.

He wouldbe fighting constantly and the toll on his body would be huge. Our stressresponses are supposed to function in short bursts, not prolonged stretches oftime.

I’m not adoctor and I’m not an expert on the affect stress responses have on the humanbody. I do know that being more exposed to high stress situations throughoutlife is associated with lower life expectancy: heart attacks, strokes, loweredimmune response, high incidence of infectious disease and autoimmune disease.

Hell oneof my old lecturers died at 40 because of a heart attack brought on by arelatively ‘normal’ high-stress job. Your character as he stands is in a highstress situation, with an illness that makes his body respond as though he’s ina life-or-death situation even when he isn’tand responds to stress in a way that is highly hazardous to his health everysingle time.

If thefighting didn’t kill him I think disease, infected wounds or a straight upheart attack would.

You’re notwriting the character as remotely human and I worry that the message that’sgoing to send your readers is that he’s different because he’s mentally illrather than that he’s having unrealistic stress responses because he isn’thuman.

And ifyour character reacts in such an inhuman way to something as basic andfundamental as stress then I can’t predict how he’d recover or how he’dapproach a relationship.

Because heisn’t behaving or responding like a human, he’s behaving like a Siamesefighting fish.

Where yougo from here with your story is entirely up to you. Honestly as it stands Ithink there are significant issues with your portrayal of this character with alot of unfortunate implications regarding mental illness, trauma survivors andchild soldiers. I think having the character respond to stress in such an unrealisticway implies that child soldiers, mentally ill people and trauma survivors areinherently violent. It implies that they can’t be reintegrated into society andcan’t lead normal lives.

You could possibly get around that byleaning in to the idea that the character is not human and showing how inhumanhe is in other ways (ways that are not related to violence) throughout thestory. Make him behaviourally and visibly non-human. Make him so alien that he does read like a sentient Siamese fish.

Or take away the fantasy elementswhich are implying such unrealistic things about abuse. Tone down the abusiveelements of the story and have this character treated like a person. Increase the number and severityof his symptoms to a realistic level (3-5 symptoms, not one and yes insomniacounts as part of PTSD not a separate symptom). Show realistic responses tostress, including flight and freezeresponses.

At themoment I think the way you’re mixing fantasy and reality does victims a majordisservice. It implies that what they survived made them violent. It impliesthat there is good reason for society to shun them. It implies that they ‘should’have less symptoms then they do and ‘should’ be completely capable of gettingthrough life without a strong support network.

I findthese implications especially troubling with a child soldier character becausethese are attitudes real life child soldiers come up against all the time.These attitudes and beliefs drive vulnerable children back to exploitative armedgroups and gangs. They drive children to committing suicide.

I believewe can do better.

Disclaimer

[pdapythons]

lets talk about viruses

massive text wall ahead , sorry guys, Some very important information regarding reptile viruses is available and I HIGHLY recommend  that if you are a keeper in Australia to purchase a copy of this information and familiarize yourselves with it ,   I will be referring mostly to Sunshinevirus in this post but the lecture contains  valuable information for a number of viruses that also affect Bearded Dragons, skinks and Turtles.

the e-book and video can be found  HERE

The hobby as a whole needs to abandon the idea that “it won’t happen to me” or that   the threat that this and other viruses pose is not  “that serious”   the threat is very real and as more cases are getting  back positive test results its looking like this is a very common thing. the longest  time period an infected animal has tested positive  over routine and regular testing  as of the time of posting is over 950 days ,  the snake in question was euthanized but  it never showed any outward indication of being sick in any way. had it not have been euthanized who knows how much longer it could have gone before showing signs of illness. 

many of these viruses can go undetected for incredibly long periods of time. and the average keeper cannot out quarantine for  them its just not practical to keep an animal in isolation for  3 , 4 or even 5 years , possibly even longer . this has some serious implications.

Entertain the idea if you will of an infected animal like the one above.   It shows no signs of being ill and thus has not been tested. 

now say the person who owns it sells it to someone who also has a few snakes, they don’t quarantine it and  after the 6 months minimum withholding period as per the conditions of their permit they then decided to sell it to someone else , who in turn dose the same. potentially this 1 animal could change hands 6 or 8 times before its caught. now  the scary part ,   lets say that each person who held this snake in their collection that was actively shedding the virus  breeds at least 1 clutch of  eggs that season.  Or has young already for sale   all unaware that they are potentially spreading this virus. this scenario is by no means an exaggeration either , there are many MANY keepers in the hobby who still don’t know what Sunshinevirus even is  or know about quarantine at all for that mater. the symptoms of Sunshinevirus are also nonspecific  meaning that any outward health issue could be indicative of viral infection. most commonly tho  stargazing  or “cork screwing”  , head tremors , open mouth breathing and loss of righting reflex are  good  indications for viral infection.,  by the time the neurological signs manifest tho it is often too late as these are the later stages of the disease snakes showing these signs will usually succumb to the infection and perish quite rapidly if not euthanized first other symptoms can include  regurgitation , rapid loss of condition , diarrhea, respiratory infections  and scale rot.  

Is any one safe ?  

it is impossible to give a %100 guarantee on this ,  as such if you are looking to purchase new stock  or have recently added new animals than every source of new animals should be considered a risk.      As for how  much of a risk that is , that is up to the buyers discretion to determine , anywhere that operates under a commercial permit should be considered as HIGHEST POSSIBLE RISK,     pet stores and the RSPCA  fall into this category as well as the  auctions held by  New south whales  department of environment  to re home animals that have been confiscated.   it is important to remember that as the buyer it is your job to do the risk assessment. After all  you are the one who wants that new addition.   consider the source of the new animal. If a private  breeder  ask about their quarantine protocols .     if possible   inspect the animal thoroughly before purchase. Look for any signs of illness . where possible avoid buying animals “sight unseen”     once you have  finalized your purchase there are still steps to take to  minimize the risk to your  existing animals.

proper quarantine is paramount here .  

the ideal set up is  in a separate building  entirely to your existing animals. a separate set of equipment is recommended for each animal in quarantine. the quarantine animals should be maintained on days   that you do not handle your existing animals and  a shower should be the very first thing you do once finished maintaining the quarantined animals as it is impossible to out quarantine many of these viruses  the duration of  the isolation is again up to your discretion, however longer is better.   the quarantine period   should also contain no less than 3 rounds of virus testing . once on acquisition of the animal,   again somewhere in the midpoint of your quarantine period and  a final test  before releasing the animal into the main collection. the quarantine period should also contain at least one period of brumation or “wintering” with the  aim to  draw out any nasties if present . after all  of the above has been completed you are still not guaranteed to have a virus free animal ,  these processes are all bout  managing the risk potential.   an animal can still present as viral 3 or 4 years after it was obtained. and for the love of your snakes DO NOT DO BREEDING LOANS. that is by far one of the best ways to spread illness from one collection to another.

[singledarkshade]

Echoes

Part Nine

“Gideon.”

Rip moved towards her, barely noticing Cisco standing there grimacing, remembering the words the man on the message had said.

I chose to leave everything behind, including someone I cared for a great deal, to keep Jonas safe.

And he knew that she was who he’d left behind.

“Gideon,” he said again reaching the console, his hands drifting along it in a soft caress, “I knew this place was comfortable, I knew exactly what I was doing when I was fixing you and now I know why.”

“Captain?” she asked, annoyance filling her voice she demanded, “Mr Ramon, why is he here?”

Cisco grimaced, “He was our only chance to fix you. I tried, Jax tried but we needed Rip Hunter.”

“Gideon, I’m standing right here,” Rip stated slightly annoyed, “You can talk to me you know.”

“You should not be here,” Gideon reminded him, “Allow Mr Ramon to remove your memories once more so you can return to the life we made for you.”

Rip frowned, folding his arms across his chest in annoyance, “Not until I’ve finished repairs.”

“Michael,” Cisco said softly, “If you stay we won’t be able to remove your memories again. We might already be past the point of no return. And that was the point of you coming here in the first place.”

Letting out a soft breath Rip shook his head, “I know but what about the people who are missing? You’re saying that you want me to walk away and not help them? What about Detective West’s son? What about Wally?”

Rip paused for a moment as he realised that he’d never been told the boy’s name.

“Your priority must be Jonas,” Gideon argued.

“And it is,” Rip retorted, “But how can I look him in the eye knowing that I left people to die when I could have helped? And do not say I won’t remember,” he pre-empted her response, “Because part of me will always know.”

“My removal of your memories will be complete,” Gideon reminded him.

Rip shook his head, “Really? Because I called my dog Gideon.”

Silence filled the room for several minutes before Gideon spoke again, “And I am honoured by that.”

Rip let out a quick laugh before becoming serious again, “Gideon, Cisco, I am not going to let these people die if I can do something about it. I know I didn’t react very well when I found the message but I’m here now. So, can we get to work?”

“I’ll call Jax,” Cisco stated.

Gideon waited until Cisco had left the bridge leaving her alone with her Captain for the first time in what felt like forever. She had missed him, missed his presence, his energy and how he made her feel because it was only with him that she actually did.

“How are you, Rip?” Gideon asked softly.

Rip smiled, “We’re doing well, Gideon. I have a job I enjoy, I have good friends. Jonas is healthy and happy looking forward to going to school soon. I’m content in my life here.”

“Which is why you should return to it, Rip,” Gideon reminded him, “You are putting Jonas in danger by allowing anyone connected to the Legends know you are alive. Even if it is Mr Jefferson.”

He stroked the console once more, “I can’t. I can’t in good conscious abandon Sara and the team if I can do something.”

She almost reminded him they had abandoned him but didn’t because she knew his reply.

“I am unable to access where they are, Rip,” Gideon advised, “I do not know why.”

Rip frowned in thought soothing, “Don’t worry. We’ll find them.”

“I have missed you,” Gideon confessed, “Mr Ramon tells me what he can when we are in contact with Star Labs but it is not enough. It is not the same as having you with me or having Jonas onboard.”

Pulling out his phone Rip attached it to her systems so she could access it, “I missed you too. I don’t know if this will help but there are plenty of pictures and video clips of Jonas for you to see on the phone.”

He waited as Gideon went through each, several times smiling as he could feel the small vibrations of happiness.

“Once you have finished repairs, you will return to him,” Gideon stated.

Rip nodded, “I will.”

                                  *********************************************

  Cisco grabbed one of the coffees Joe had picked up before heading back into the Waverider and back to work. Rip’s memories appeared to be back almost completely, or they were at least regarding the ship and Gideon.

He wondered how Gideon planned on removing his memories again when the ship was fixed.

“Okay,” Rip yelled, “Turn it off.”

Jax sighed from his spot at the pilot’s seat, “Still not working.”

Rip sighed, “No. Gideon what the hell were the team doing to my ship?”

“In what way, Captain?” Gideon asked.

“The Waverider’s not had a proper maintenance done in months,” Rip replied, “At the very least.”

Cisco grimaced at the annoyance in the older man’s voice.

“Who is caring for you, Gideon?” Rip demanded sharply, “Tell me.”

“Dr Palmer and Miss Tomaz share responsibility,” Gideon replied.

Cisco saw the same look of horror cross both Jax and Rip’s faces at this news.

“Ray and Zari?” Jax demanded, “Neither of them know how to fix the ship properly.”

“They are the only ones left within the team with any possible notion however,” Gideon reminded them. “Although on occasion the Time Bureau are allowed on board to perform some maintenance.”

Cisco saw guilt pass over both faces at her response.

“Once we save them,” Jax spoke up, “I’ll stick around and make sure the ship is in top condition before the team go back out again.”

“If we ever get her fixed,” Rip sighed.

  “Are you sure you don’t mind?” Rip asked leaning against the wall of Star Labs just outside the Waverider.

“Don’t worry, Michael,” Katrina said, “He’ll be fine with us. We’ll stay in your apartment, so he is in his own bed if you prefer.”

Rip nodded, “Yes, that would be great. The book we’re reading is on top of the bookshelf, just one chapter though no matter how much he asks for another.”

“I know,” Katrina chuckled, “Make sure you get some sleep yourself, Michael. I know whatever you’re working on is important but so is your health.”

He winced, “I know.”

“I do not want to be called to the hospital again,” she told him sharply.

“I promise you I will get some sleep,” Rip replied, warmed by her concern, “There is someone here who will make sure of that. Trust me. Let me talk to Jonas.”

“Sure,” Katrina replied.

He heard her call to his son and the quick conversation between them before the happy voice came on, “Hi Daddy.”

“Hey,” Rip breathed smiling, he remembered that he’d lost his son once before and just hearing his voice made Rip feel better, “Are you okay staying with Katrina and Ali tonight while I work?”

Jonas let out a long sigh, “Yes, Daddy.”

“That’s my boy,” Rip said proudly, “Now I will call before you go to sleep, Katrina or Ali will read you your story tonight and I will see you tomorrow.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Rip told him, “Be a good boy for Katrina and Ali. Give Katrina the phone back while you go and play. I love you.”

“I love you too, Daddy,” Jonas replied.

Rip listened as Jonas passed the phone back to Katrina.

“He’s fine,” Katrina assured him, “Ali has taken Gideon out for her walk so you don’t have to worry about either of them.”

“I’ll call before Jonas has to go to bed,” Rip promised.

  Rip sat in the parlour waiting.

“This is something I never expected to see ever again,” the familiar voice came from behind him making Rip smile.

Standing he turned to greet Gideon who was waiting with a warm smile covering her face. Without a word Rip wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as Gideon hugged him tightly.

Pulling back Rip looked into her eyes, “I have missed you.”

“No more than I missed you, Rip,” she replied, stepping into him again her arms sliding around his waist as she rested her head against him again holding on tightly.

Sliding his hand up and down her back Rip murmured, “You’re not annoyed I called my dog Gideon?”

A soft giggle came from her, “Actually flattered. I’ve seen your puppy she is adorable.”

“I told you that you would stay with me always,” Rip replied.

They stayed in their embrace for several minutes finally parting and taking a seat on the couch that had appeared in the parlour for them.

“Are they treating you properly?” Rip asked concerned, holding onto Gideon’s hand.

She shrugged, “No different than how they always did.”

“All this time onboard and they still don’t understand how special you are,” Rip sighed in annoyance, “I’m sorry.”

“I believe I told you before that you never have to apologise for choosing Jonas,” Gideon smiled at him.

“I’m not sorry I chose Jonas,” Rip told her, “I’m sorry that I couldn’t find a way to bring you with us.”

Gideon shook her head sadly, “This form exists solely here in my matrix,” she reminded him, “It is only possible to be with you like this in your dreams, my dear Captain.”

Rip sighed, “Not a Captain anymore.”

“Always my Captain,” Gideon reminded him forcefully, “You know that. Miss Lance leads the team but you will always be my Captain. We are forever linked, Rip. Miss Lance will never have that connection with me.”

Closing his eyes Rip rested his forehead against hers, “I still wish I could have found a way to keep us together.”

Placing her hands on his cheeks again Gideon smiled, “I keep you here with me at all times, Rip. I hold onto you when they annoy me too much and you kept me in the form of a puppy.”

  Opening his eyes Rip sighed looking around the room unsure where he was for a moment.

“Gideon?”

“I’m here, Captain,” Gideon replied before advising, “You are onboard the Waverider. Mr Ramon has brought breakfast which I expect you to eat before you get back to work.”

Rip chuckled to himself.

“Have I amused you, Rip?” Gideon demanded.

“It’s just nice to hear you nag me again, Gideon,” Rip replied sitting up, “Are the showers working yet?”

“As long as it is quick,” Gideon replied, “And you don’t expect it to be warm for half the time.”

Rip shrugged, “Well I’ve had worse. Let Cisco know I’ll be up in about ten minutes.”

After having a, very, quick shower Rip dressed before heading up to the bridge finding Cisco already sitting with Gideon going over what still needed to be looked at.

“Good morning,” Rip greeted when Cisco looked up.

“Morning,” Cisco replied, “Tea and food for you.”

Rip grabbed the cup and took a long drink, “Excellent, thank you. Where is Jax?”

“He’s on his way,” Cisco told him, “I’m trying to find a way to locate the crew so that once we get the ship ready to fly we’ll be able to rescue them.”

Rip nodded in agreement.

“I’m still not sure why the ship returned here,” Cisco told him, “I guess it was luck.”

“Nope,” Rip replied, taking another drink, “She came here because I am. Gideon’s protocol in event of the systems being damaged so badly that without assistance there was no way to help her Captain was to return to the Vanishing Point for repairs. Since it no longer exists she came to the place where the one person who could help was.”

Cisco frowned, “But she knew you didn’t have your memories.”

Rip’s hand gently stroked the console, “It wasn’t a conscious decision, Cisco. Gideon’s connection to me brought her here. She came home for help.”

Part Ten

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #133

“i closed my eyes and she slipped away.”

Do you wear a ring on your finger?  Yes, a friendship one with Sara. Do you expect to be married in the next two years?  There's a small chance I'd be engaged, but I doubt married. What is your favorite type of cookie?  Chocolate chip. Are you allergic to pollen?  I actually don't know if I am anymore??  So far this season, I haven't had any issues... Do you have more upper or lower body strength?  Lower like most females. Do you like hot tubs?  Yaaaaaas. Do you know anyone who is battling cancer?  Not currently, thank God. Have you ever donated money to a charity?  Yes. What was the last movie you’ve seen in theaters? Jumanji.  Excellent movie, so funny. Do you prefer Apple or Android?  Apple, but I have an Android currently. Do you like the color lime green?  Ye. Do you like the Silent Hill movies? First one's fantastic, second is a train wreck plot-wise.  I still like it, it's hard for me to not like something SH, but all things considered it's not a great movie. What movie scared you the most out of any other movies?  The only movie that's ever scared me is The Rite, but only because it played on a fear. Tell me something you’ve been made fun of for in the past.  Uhhhh... I'm sure there's something, but I can't remember. Do you support war?  Nope. Have you ever wanted to be on American Idol? When was this?  No. Do you like kissing lightly better than just making out?  No. You get a text from someone saying that they want to hang out - who would you most like it to be from?  Summer. Do you attend school, college, or university?  First I went to a community college, then a university. Name 5 things you don’t believe in.  1.) Destiny, 2.) Reincarnation (although I actually think it'd be quite cool...), 3.) Karma, 4.) Prayer actually affects anything (maybe), 5.) No free healthcare in America. If you could have any friend that you’ve lost back, who would you pick?  Megan. When was the last time you did something for the first time?  Listened to an audiobook. Do you have blinds in your bedroom?  Yes. When was the last time you had an interview? How did it go?  2016.  It went well, but I didn't get the job.  But now I look back and I'm glad lol. What was the most damaging relationship (romantic or not) that you’ve ever been a part of?  Jason. Who was the last person you cut out of your life? Do you regret it?  Colleen.  Nope. Who is the most attractive person you know personally? Not to be sappy, but the longer I date her, the more and more beautiful Sara becomes. Do you remember the first time you truly enjoyed sex? Or have you always?  He was good from the start. Have you ever done anything sexual in a car?  Maybe briefly make out while saying bye, but I dun remember for certain. What do you wish you had been better prepared for?  Adulthood. Do you know anyone with a semicolon tattoo?  Me. Who knows you best, excluding romantic partners?  My mom. The last news you got that shocked you, what was it, and was it good news or bad news?  My little sister may be developing depression.  Obviously awful news. If you have pets, who normally puts food and water in their dish?  Me or Mom. Do you organize the pictures on your computer into different folders or are they all just under “My Pictures”?  The latter. Do you think if someone is in a relationship, that it is acceptable to have sleepovers with other people of their preferred sex? Yes, so long you're not in the same bed. Would you shoot a gun if given the chance? If you’ve shot a gun before, how many different types of guns have you shot?  aajsfsjwoejieoqo NO. Do you feel uncomfortable sharing things like artwork or poetry you’ve written? Is it because you don’t think it’s good enough to show off or because it’s too personal?  OMFG YES I DON'T SHARE SHIT BECAUSE IT'S PERSONAL AND I GET EMBARRASSED TOO EASILY. For those who have anxiety, has anyone ever told you that you just need to calm down and actually face your fears? Were you insulted or frustrated by this comment? OH HI COLLEEN AND NO SHIT. Do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? Why do you despise them?  No. Do knives scare you? Is it from watching scary movies?  Yes, and no.  Their pain/torture capability is terrifying. Say lyrics from the song currently playing?  "It's more than a feeling, more than a feeling when I hear that old song they used to play." If you HAD to get a piercing (not ears) what would you get?  At this very moment, nose.  Once you can see my collarbones again, I'm getting them pierced. How many closets does your house have?
  Three. What has been your most epic cooking failure?
  Uhhhh maybe when I completely split a hot dog open in the microwave lmao. What was the last single item you spent over $100 on?
  A plane ticket. Have you ever climbed a chain-link fence?  Yes. What is your LEAST favorite Disney animated movie? I've never liked The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Who was the last person’s house you went to besides your own? Nicole and Allison's new place. Do you enjoy the birds' singing in the morning?  Yesssss<3 List these apple types from greatest to worst: green, red, yellow.  Red, yellow, green. On YouTube, who are two people you find hilarious?  GameGrumps are fucking hysterical, then one can probably guess Markiplier is an absolute hilarious goof to me. If you had to live in a palace, what would be the color scheme?  Black and pink because #aesthetic. Favorite dinosaur?  SPINOSAURUS. What is the best part of fall?  The colors. <3 Favorite style of hat? No fucking shame I love fedoras. How do you eat Oreos?  Split them apart to eat the center first.  Or dip them in milk.  Now I want Oreos. Name the first vine that you can think of. I cOuLd'Ve dRopPeD mY cRoIsSaNt. Beyonce vs Rihanna?  Beyonce is a Queen. What’s fake about you? Like extensions, fake nails, botox etc.  Hair color? Have you ever gotten into a Facebook fight?  Yup, with an ignorant woman regarding depression. What are your favorite smells? Lilac, honeysuckle, bakeries, coffee... Do you shave your pits?  Yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived?  No. What light in your house was the last to have a bulb burn out?  Living room. Have you ever been in an abandoned house?  Yes. What is your favorite phase of the moon? Full. What season do you want to get married in?  Autumn. Besides the USA, what is your favorite country?  Maybe Scotland?  I wanna visittt. Would you rather go to Europe or Asia? Europe. Would you rather go to Africa or Australia?  Africa. Would you rather go to Mexico or Canada?  Canada. Are there such things as stupid questions?  Yes. Did you get in trouble for cussing on accident when you were a kid? Yes I literally yelled "HOLY SHIT" in the car lmao. What’s the highest you can count in a different language? 11 in German.  Don't remember 12... Where would you like to be buried?  I would rather be cremated and have a good bit of my ashes returned to the earth while my loved ones keep some. Do you think emo/scene hair is attractive? I'm fucking weak for that shit. Have you ever had yourself drawn in caricature?  No. Have you ever seen a ghost orb picture?  Yes. Do you think abortion should be illegal? No. How many keys are on your key-ring?  One. What are some piercings you want?  Collarbones, nose, TONS more in ears, maybe bellybutton once I'm a skinny legend again.  Maybe dermals in my lower back... maybe. Dogs or cats? Why?  Cats.  More chill, less maintenance. Do any of your pets have strange habits? Explain?  Teddy likes to dig and go in a thousand circles before lying down. Have you ever told an extremely inappropriate joke?  Lmao yes. What is your favorite non-traditional fruit? Pomegranate, probs. What's your favorite older film? The Outsiders. Aliens or unicorns?  Unicorns. Where did you meet your current or last significant other?  YouTube. Would you ever get a face tattoo? There's a small chance I'll get a small, red heart at the corner/below my left eye. If you asked your mom to describe you, what do you think she’d say? I've got a pretty good idea what she'd say: I'm very smart (yeah right, Mom), super creative, unique, and quiet. What is the one thing you'd most like to change about the world? LESS VIOLENCE. What are you most grateful for? My recovery, my girlfriend, my mom, my dad, my psychiatrist and therapist, my improving physical and mental health, my resilience... I have a lot to be grateful for. Who is the most interesting person you've ever met?  My Sara Jane. When do you love yourself most? When people tell me I help them. What would you most readily die for?  Sara. What single word do you hate most?  The "f" word regarding gays. Who in life have you felt the strongest need to protect? Sara. What would you most like to be remembered for after you die?  My mental endurance. What's the biggest surprise you've ever had in bed? Waking up because Jason was caressing my breasts. What is the most sacred thing in your life?  My mental health. Who have you most feared in your life? My dad.  Thank goodness that's not something I have to fear anymore. What was the quickest friendship you ever made? Maybe Priscilla. What single word would you use to most accurately describe your parents?  Dedicated. What is the worst word anyone ever used to describe you? A martyr, but not in the "I'll die for what I believe" way.

[northamptoncouplestherapy]

Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel once said, "None of us are married to just one person in our lives, even if we only marry one person." For those who have been married 40 years and beyond, this saying undoubtedly rings true. As partners change and grow, good marriages evolve.

We live in a culture that is richly informed by romantic concepts. However, the truth is that marriage is hard for even the most committed partners. We increasingly rely on our spouses to play a vast number of roles in our lives: friend, lover, co-parent and financial partner.

Playing all these roles is a lot to navigate and virtually guarantees  that you will not only hit bumps but also some craters along the way. When two people with separate histories come together, there will be periods where the best thing you can hope for is to find a way to coexist and a maintain a neutral stance towards one and other.

However, over time and with work, you and your spouse can grow together and even thrive. Science and relationship studies provide critical features of the roadmap that points to long-term success.

In the name of science and in honor of all those marriages that have surpassed the 40-year-mark and beyond, here are five tips for lasting success so that you can enjoy the different phases of evolution together. It is never too early to make use of them, even if you have just started your relationship’s journey.  

1.  Avoid The Comparison Level Alternatives Phenomenon

John Gottman, a recognized leader in the field of marital distress, first coined the phrase “comparison level alternatives” to describe the pattern in which we compare our life circumstances with an alternative, imagined scenario in the outside world.

For example, it’s quite normal to ask yourself questions like, “Am I happy in my career, or would I enjoy following a different path?” or “Am I really made for a life in the suburbs?” or“Should I consider a move to the city?”

When a marriage starts going on the rocks, however, you or your spouse might entertain more damaging comparisons or even enter into a marriage crisis.

You might say to yourself, "If I was married to so and so I’d be happier," or "If I had picked a different person, my life would be less lonely,” or, "Maybe if I were alone, my life would be better."

Research shows that comparison level alternatives are dangerous and potentially devastating to a marriage. They often manifest themselves in absorption of fantasies of freedom, or can lead to emotional and physical affairs. Avoid this insidious line of thinking at all costs.

When things get hard, try saying to yourself, “Part of being in a relationship is navigating troubled times, and I could be just as unhappy in another relationship. It might look different, but there would be difficulty and conflict all the same.”  More simply, you could remind yourself of the truism “out of the frying pan, into the fire.”

Instead of entertaining fantasies about some alternative life that doesn’t exist, choose your primary partner; committing to them in every way repeatedly. Spiritually. Emotionally. Mentally. Choose your spouse, again and again.

2. Adopt a Commitment Mindset

Committed spouses lean more towards realism than romanticism during challenging phases, and maintain an awareness that their needs will go unmet a certain percentage of time in the relationship. When asked for the secret behind her successful marriage to George Harrison, Olivia Harrison said, “It’s simple. Just don’t get divorced.”

A successful long-term marriage requires a bit of abandon. You must give up the notion that your spouse will make you feel completely satisfied all of the time. Refuse to view your role in the relationship as contingent on how your spouse makes you feel.

This is a type of mindset that manifests itself — not in a declaration of wedding vows — but in the way you show up for your spouse in the everyday, often mundane areas of life. There is something about an unwavering commitment that makes all other burdens easier to bear, and obstacles easier to surmount.

If you do allow your commitment to waver, on the other hand, you are more prone to abandoning the relationship when it goes through a period of not meeting your needs. Whether you do this physically, mentally or emotionally, you stop showing up in any meaningful way.

Instead, you start searching for the proverbial “Exit” sign.

3.  Build Your Relationship “Love Map” (& Continuously Redraw the Lines)

There is immense value in teaching your partner who you are and what makes you feel loved in return.

As humans, we can’t read one another’s minds. However, it’s vital to know what works for both of you and to act on that knowledge repeatedly. Otherwise, you can be building a self-centered marriage, instead of a functional relationship.

The philosophy of love languages--that your partner feels loved in particular ways and you should find those ways--goes part of the distance. But when they don’t see your specific love language and don’t speak it to you, a generosity of spirit can go just as far. Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt is an important stance when they may be too distracted to love you in the way you want.

During the first 3-5 years of a marriage, you are just developing this understanding and building your love maps — a concept originally developed by John Gottman to describe the process of getting to know your partner’s world intimately.

Ask yourself, what’s happening in your spouse’s world? What’s important to them? What makes their heart sing and/or sink? What romantic gestures do they long for, and how often do you satisfy those longings?

These love map questions are not answered once and for all. Partners headed for a golden anniversary will continue to ask them, revising their maps as they go, adding nuance at every opportunity.  A successful relationship is partly based on continued attention.

4. Avoid Turning to “Thirds” to Avoid Conflict

While we all need to talk about our problems from time to time, it’s important to be selective in what you say, to whom and how often.

In the world of couples therapy, involving others in your marital problems is what we call turning to “thirds.” It’s when you choose to talk to another about your relationship woes instead of your significant other.

Why is this an issue?

Well, for starters, it creates an immediate ripple effect. All of a sudden, you may have a one-sided jury of people who are rooting for you and will take your side no matter what (even if they shouldn’t). Your “jury” is hearing only one perspective of the issue and may align with you on partial evidence. They are likely to give you a level of confidence in the validity of your view that maybe you shouldn’t have.

Another dangerous aspect of turning to “thirds” is the clear conflict avoidance it displays. Whether from a lack of trust or one’s family of origin, some people are just more conflict-averse than others. However, avoidance never solves the most profound problems in a marriage and may exacerbate the issues.

Bringing your complaints to friends and family on a regular basis, no matter how well-intentioned they may be, can poison the well.

5. Support Your Partner in the Hard Times

Couples who have been married for decades have experienced many seasons of life together: births, graduations, deaths of family members, career moves and financial highs and lows.

With everything life can throw your way, it’s important to have someone by your side to hold your hand and share in the ups and downs.

Caring for yourself includes caring for your partner, knowing that their health and well being supports your own. However, if you have a partner who has not cared for you well, (or even become more of a burden than a benefit),  your trust in them may wane. Once the retirement years approach or age starts to take its toll, the stakes for marriage become even higher.

You don’t want to wind up wondering, "Wow, for the next 10, 15 or 20 years, I could be physically compromised. How well is my spouse going to support me through this time?”

The patterns of support you have experienced throughout your marriage will inform how you answer that question. Was your spouse there for you when you had a C-section or your shoulder operation? Were they there for you when you were laid-off from your job or lost your father unexpectedly?

If you have felt abandoned or neglected throughout your marriage, you will have an appreciable amount of trepidation concerning how much support you will receive as you age. And the same may go for your spouse.

One or both of you might be more inclined to say, “Life is short, and I have less of it left. I want to make the next 10 years count.”

This is especially true for if one spouse has worn the hat of caretaker throughout your marriage. They will likely experience burnout. So, if one or both of you are diagnosed with a chronic illness, it just might be the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.  

In old age, things don’t necessarily become easier. So, pay attention to how you support your spouse now and make every effort to acknowledge the ways you might have missed the mark in the past. This is a step to doing it better in the future.

A marriage that lasts decades requires a committed mindset. It asks each spouse to give equal regard to the others’ thoughts, opinions, and values. And, as you age, it will necessitate even deeper levels of trust and support.

If you and your spouse need a little help adapting to this new stage of your marriage or want to find new ways to approach conflict, our couples therapists have over 100 collective years of experience treating couples and spouses.

From the Gottman Method to Emotionally Focused Therapy, we apply science-based methodologies to our marriage therapy.

We offer weekly therapy and private, intensive 2-Day and 3-Day Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel once said, "None of us are married to just one person in our lives, even if we only marry one person." For those who have been married 40 years and beyond, this saying undoubtedly rings true. As partners change and grow, good marriages evolve.

We live in a culture that is richly informed by romantic concepts. However, the truth is that marriage is hard for even the most committed partners. We increasingly rely on our spouses to play a vast number of roles in our lives: friend, lover, co-parent and financial partner.

Playing all these roles is a lot to navigate and virtually guarantees  that you will not only hit bumps but also some craters along the way. When two people with separate histories come together, there will be periods where the best thing you can hope for is to find a way to coexist and a maintain a neutral stance towards one and other.

However, over time and with work, you and your spouse can grow together and even thrive. Science and relationship studies provide critical features of the roadmap that points to long-term success.

In the name of science and in honor of all those marriages that have surpassed the 40-year-mark and beyond, here are five tips for lasting success so that you can enjoy the different phases of evolution together. It is never too early to make use of them, even if you have just started your relationship’s journey.  

1.  Avoid The Comparison Level Alternatives Phenomenon

John Gottman, a recognized leader in the field of marital distress, first coined the phrase “comparison level alternatives” to describe the pattern in which we compare our life circumstances with an alternative, imagined scenario in the outside world.

For example, it’s quite normal to ask yourself questions like, “Am I happy in my career, or would I enjoy following a different path?” or “Am I really made for a life in the suburbs?” or“Should I consider a move to the city?”

When a marriage starts going on the rocks, however, you or your spouse might entertain more damaging comparisons or even enter into a marriage crisis.

You might say to yourself, "If I was married to so and so I’d be happier," or "If I had picked a different person, my life would be less lonely,” or, "Maybe if I were alone, my life would be better."

Research shows that comparison level alternatives are dangerous and potentially devastating to a marriage. They often manifest themselves in absorption of fantasies of freedom, or can lead to emotional and physical affairs. Avoid this insidious line of thinking at all costs.

When things get hard, try saying to yourself, “Part of being in a relationship is navigating troubled times, and I could be just as unhappy in another relationship. It might look different, but there would be difficulty and conflict all the same.”  More simply, you could remind yourself of the truism “out of the frying pan, into the fire.”

Instead of entertaining fantasies about some alternative life that doesn’t exist, choose your primary partner; committing to them in every way repeatedly. Spiritually. Emotionally. Mentally. Choose your spouse, again and again.

2. Adopt a Commitment Mindset

Committed spouses lean more towards realism than romanticism during challenging phases, and maintain an awareness that their needs will go unmet a certain percentage of time in the relationship. When asked for the secret behind her successful marriage to George Harrison, Olivia Harrison said, “It’s simple. Just don’t get divorced.”

A successful long-term marriage requires a bit of abandon. You must give up the notion that your spouse will make you feel completely satisfied all of the time. Refuse to view your role in the relationship as contingent on how your spouse makes you feel.

This is a type of mindset that manifests itself — not in a declaration of wedding vows — but in the way you show up for your spouse in the everyday, often mundane areas of life. There is something about an unwavering commitment that makes all other burdens easier to bear, and obstacles easier to surmount.

If you do allow your commitment to waver, on the other hand, you are more prone to abandoning the relationship when it goes through a period of not meeting your needs. Whether you do this physically, mentally or emotionally, you stop showing up in any meaningful way.

Instead, you start searching for the proverbial “Exit” sign.

3.  Build Your Relationship “Love Map” (& Continuously Redraw the Lines)

There is immense value in teaching your partner who you are and what makes you feel loved in return.

As humans, we can’t read one another’s minds. However, it’s vital to know what works for both of you and to act on that knowledge repeatedly. Otherwise, you can be building a self-centered marriage, instead of a functional relationship.

The philosophy of love languages--that your partner feels loved in particular ways and you should find those ways--goes part of the distance. But when they don’t see your specific love language and don’t speak it to you, a generosity of spirit can go just as far. Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt is an important stance when they may be too distracted to love you in the way you want.

During the first 3-5 years of a marriage, you are just developing this understanding and building your love maps — a concept originally developed by John Gottman to describe the process of getting to know your partner’s world intimately.

Ask yourself, what’s happening in your spouse’s world? What’s important to them? What makes their heart sing and/or sink? What romantic gestures do they long for, and how often do you satisfy those longings?

These love map questions are not answered once and for all. Partners headed for a golden anniversary will continue to ask them, revising their maps as they go, adding nuance at every opportunity.  A successful relationship is partly based on continued attention.

4. Avoid Turning to “Thirds” to Avoid Conflict

While we all need to talk about our problems from time to time, it’s important to be selective in what you say, to whom and how often.

In the world of couples therapy, involving others in your marital problems is what we call turning to “thirds.” It’s when you choose to talk to another about your relationship woes instead of your significant other.

Why is this an issue?

Well, for starters, it creates an immediate ripple effect. All of a sudden, you may have a one-sided jury of people who are rooting for you and will take your side no matter what (even if they shouldn’t). Your “jury” is hearing only one perspective of the issue and may align with you on partial evidence. They are likely to give you a level of confidence in the validity of your view that maybe you shouldn’t have.

Another dangerous aspect of turning to “thirds” is the clear conflict avoidance it displays. Whether from a lack of trust or one’s family of origin, some people are just more conflict-averse than others. However, avoidance never solves the most profound problems in a marriage and may exacerbate the issues.

Bringing your complaints to friends and family on a regular basis, no matter how well-intentioned they may be, can poison the well.

5. Support Your Partner in the Hard Times

Couples who have been married for decades have experienced many seasons of life together: births, graduations, deaths of family members, career moves and financial highs and lows.

With everything life can throw your way, it’s important to have someone by your side to hold your hand and share in the ups and downs.

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[arcane-ish]

I think it makes some interesting points but 

Powder had seen Vi’s fight with Deckard which was her major catalyst for rigging the bomb. It is odd she would go with the man responsible for the destruction in her wake.

This has always confused me, this implication that Powder was somehow disloyal for going with the man who is connected to Vander’s death. 

Aside from her being literally a kid at this point, Silco’s gang are essentially the local mafia. Silco appraoched her with a knife and was likely being bargained down from “gut her like a fish” by Powder’s cuteness. 

In this context there was no real other choice than going with them, it’s not like she could have said “thanks, but no thanks”. Again, they are basically the mafia. 

Now maybe a hype competent kid would have gone with them and then later would have sought a way to escape. 

But aside from us not knowing how Silco exactly handled the aftermath period, I think it’s worth understanding why Jinx might have felt like she had nowhere else go. Her immediate family is dead. Within the context of their world it makes sense why she wouldn’t have seen “escape from Silco and go to the police” as an option. That leaves Ekko but it’s not that much of a stretch to imagine that she was too ashamed of her part in Mylo and Clagger’s death to appraoch him (I mean aside from how “Hey, I’ve been snatched up by the local mafia don against my will, can you and your parents take me in?” would be a tall ask even if a considerable amount of their mutual acquaintances hadnt just all been killed, some of them with Powder’s direct involvement. 

(random though: do we know what happened to Deckard and I just missed it? Normally the show is surprisnigly good about keeping track of minor characters)

I do think that it’s fair to discuss Jinx’s personal flaws, even under the context of her trauma, mental health problems, highly irregular upbringing and youth, simply because it seems likely that those character traits might persist. 

There certainly seems to be a lack of empathy, an unwillingness to see things from other people’s point of view and listen to them. She is also very all or nothing, for me or against me,if you choose me, you must choose me completely. 

IMO in regards to the sisters, I think it makes sense that Jinx demands that Vi has to deal with her new personality, but at the same time, it clearly is not reasonable how she seems to demand that she can have Vi exclusively to herself (with of course the sane compromise being that Vi can have a sister and a girlfriend and it’s not about choosing one over the other) 

Especially since imo the show didn’t do a sufficient job to suggest that Jinx hates enforcers more than casually, there is no feeling of “Cait being an enforcer is particularly unacceptable to me because enforcers killed our parents or something along those lines. Like, it seems doubtful to me, that if Vi had shacked up with some Undercity girl, that Jinx wouldn’t have been jealous, I’m pretty sure she would have been jealous either way. 

Cait being an enforcer imo mostly plays into people being able to drive the nail in by accusing Vi of abandoning her “roots”, but I don’t think it really has that much to do with Jinx being possessive of Vi/demanding unreasonable amounts of Vi. 

Hi fellow Arcane lovers. I’m sure you’ll find this article analyzing Jinx’s descent into madness quite interesting: https://medium.com/@giwafaridah/arcane-review-jinxs-downfall-is-her-own-doing-df6ee462bef7

Enjoy!