#“It doesn't matter who you are it only matters what you do.”: Sam Winchester [Supernatural]

[ivypapercutsxo]

@ofcelestialstories [Gabriel]

Sam hadn't been in Ivy Cove long but he was slowly starting to get used to the idea of being here for a while. He was sitting at a cafe, coffee in hand as he scrolled through a page he was reading on his laptop. The moment he heard his name, however, he dropped the coffee all over his lap. "Shit. Oh, Gabriel. Shit. Hi. Sorry, come on, sit down. My bad, I was just really into this article I was reading."

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"No, your fine. You can stay." Sam assured the other, because really, he probably wasn't any better company. After being sent to another place, thinking that he was stuck in Ivy Cove was a bit unsettling for him. He was really hoping that he would have at least went home for a moment, check in on everyone but it didn't seem to happen. He was stuck in Ivy Cove once more.

"Are you alright? You don't have to answer but I felt like I had to ask." Sam admitted.

@ivycovestarters (Open for anyone)

Astrid wished she could go back to being blissfully unaware. She wished she could forget again and not remember where her scars came from. Not remember why so many figures haunted her waking days and sleepless night.. Why no matter how hard she willed them, tears wouldn't come. She wasn't Astrid Becke, she was a Volstrucker. A weapon to be used to protect the safety of everyone but herself. She had no room for emotions and she felt them burying themselves as she walked. With each new memory she felt herself lose a part of the woman she always wanted to be. Her life in Ivy Cove seemed to be just a cruel prank and it left her heart feeling hollow. She simply kept walking. Losing herself in the woods, it felt like the only way to feel safe. That she wouldn't hurt anyone here, not anyone she loved or cared for. She only stopped walking when her body was practically screaming at her for rest. Propering herself up on a fallen tree.. She drank from her flask, eyes starring up toward the sky. A sadness clinging to her frame. "I'm afraid I won't make the best company, so if you too are looking for a spot of rest. I can just head on." Her voice was monotoned barely hiding the paint beneath.

[jasmines-library]

SUPERNATURAL MASTERLIST

All the things on the road so far:

Total count: 40

Last updated: 04 january 2025

⛤ MASTERLIST ⛤

⛤ Hey Jude

Summary: When a demon hunt doesn't go to plan, the Winchesters have to rush to save their little sister. Though to make matters worse, once back home in the safety of the bunker her wound gets infected. With their angel friend MIA, Sam and Dean must battle time to find a way to help their sister.

⛤ Just One Big Headache

Summary: A routine salt 'n' burn takes a nasty turn when the spirit directs its anger towards you, leaving you with a nasty concussion, but not to worry, the Winchesters are there to look after you.

⛤ Spellbound Sickness

Summary: A long and cumbersome witch hunt turns much worse when you begin to develop a high fever; a side effect of the curse she managed to spit out at you. Will the Winchesters find the cure in time?

⛤ Up and Down

Summary: After returning from being tortured by the devil himself, your brain can’t help conjure up its own images which refuse to leave you alone.

⛤ Let It Linger

Summary: after a rough hunt resurfaces some unwanted memories, you slip into your own mind. But Sam is there to help you through it.

⛤ Blood Bag

Summary: you are captured by a group of vamps whilst on a hunt. They take their time trying to kill you, draining you of your blood in an old warehouse. For the Winchesters, it’s a race against time to reach you before something fatal happens.

⛤ Safehouse

Summary: after sustaining an injury on a hunt, you and Dean are forced back to the safehouse, however the wound festers and becomes infected, leaving you very ill. With Cas MIA and without the proper equipment to treat the wound, you are left clinging onto life. (Unknowingly like Hey Jude because I’m stupid and forgot id already done it. It’s slightly different though)

⛤ The Basement

Summary: You are captured alongside your brother Sam by the BMOL. They want something you won't tell them, so they try to force it out of you.

⛤ Hidden on the inside

Summary: During a hunt, you take a nasty hit which at first seems fine, but it's what's hidden deep under the surface that creates a problem. (I get it, i suck and writing summaries.)

⛤ Oh, Baby.

Summary: on the way back from a hunt, an out of control car veers into yours sending it hurtling off of the path and into a tree, leaving you trapped. Too far from the hospital, the Winchesters are left with the task of getting your body from the car as they wait for Cas to arrive.

⛤ Sweet Creature

Summary: When Dean is a Demon, he does something unexpected to you. Since then, you have become withdrawn, refusing to sleep in fear of the images that plague your mind. When you eventually give in and suffer a nightmare, Cas is there to help.

⛤ Sounds Of Someday

Summary: the request pretty much says it all. When you and your brothers split up during an unusual hunt, you get caught and become part of a witch’s ritual, which ends with your life slipping away and your brothers struggling to reach you as you are ripped away from them.

⛤ Devil in Disguise

Summary: After escaping from the cage, Lucifer decides to pay Sam a visit, only he's not there. So he settles on the next best thing: you.

⛤ Black Smoke Rising

Summary: Seeking revenge on the Winchesters, a demon decides to go undercover by using your body as a vessel to sneak into the bunker. Whilst trapped within your own mind, you can only hope that Sam and Dean notice that something is amiss before it is too late.

⛤ Just A Little Complication

Summary: Whilst Dean is in hell, the reader is the only one who can calm Sam down when he gets overwhelmed.

⛤ Knock it off

Summary: whilst at dinner with her family, the reader begins to choke.

⛤ Groundhog Day

Summary: takes place during the episode ‘Mystery Spot’ but instead of Dean dying over and over again, Sam and Dean are forced to watch their sister die repeatedly .

⛤ Sleep Is For The Weak

Summary: With too much to do and not a lot of time to do it, you overwork yourself, missing out on sleep. When your brothers try to get involved, you dismiss them only for you to end up collapsing during a hunt.

⛤ The Curious Case Of Dean Winchester

Summary: Takes place during S5E7 where the reader loses years off of her life to save Dean from a demon deal, however when Sam tried to win her years back, it may already be a little bit too late.

⛤ Dead In The Water

Summary: takes place during S1E3 where the reader ends up in the water with Lucas.

⛤ Dilemma

Summary: When you and your brothers get caught of guard during a werewolf hunt, they are quick to try and blame each other. But little do they know that their bickering might cost you your life.

⛤ Teeth

Summary: Reader gets turned into a vampire

⛤ So close, Yet Too far

Summary: you just really need a hug.

⛤ Hexed

Summary: a hex bag finds its way to you…

⛤ Breathe

Summary: You have an asthma attack.

⛤ Currents Convulsive

Summary: you get electrocuted.

⛤ The Things They Carried

Summary: based on the episode; you get infected by a parasite and have to find a way to get it out.

⛤ Caught Off Guard

Summary: you get attacked by a werewolf and have a panic attack

⛤ Weak immune system

⛤ Motion Sickness

Summary; you get car sick

⛤Double Trouble

summary: you see double

⛤Wendigo

⛤Hello?

Summary: on a lone hunt, you end up injured and seeking emergency help. The only problem is, there’s no one around.

⛤ ‘Tis the Season

Summary: A fluffy one shot where the Winchesters celebrate Christmas.

⛤ A Winchester Surprise

Summary: After years of your birthday being forgotten or consumed by a hunt, your brothers make sure that this one is extra special.

⛤ Time For A Wedding

Summary: Sam and Dean attend the readers wedding.

⛤ Unconditional

Summary: 15 year old Winchester!sister discovers she is a lesbian, and whilst on a date with a girl she sees in a diner she gets harassed by a homophobic boy. When she returns, Sam and Dean comfort her.

⛤ Somebody Told Me

Summary: Sam and Dean give their nervous younger sister dating advice.

⛤ Sick Bug

Summary: When you wake up feeling sick, your big brothers are there to help make you feel better. (Hurt/comfort ish)

⛤ Noodle Soup

Summary: The reader takes care of their sick brothers

⛤ Changes (spn x dc)

Summary: You are sick of Sam and Deans bickering, so you venture to Gotham to hunt some vampires where you meet some very interesting vigilantes.

⛤ Family First

Summary: Sam and Dean show their appreciation for their older sister

⛤ coming out - headcanons

summary: you come out as lesbian

⛤ Today I Saw The Whole World

Summary: You are Sam Winchester’s twin sister, cursed with the same blood running through your veins. When Sam begins experiencing his visions, you too discover a new skill. You can see into the veil.

⛤ Bringers Of The Apocalypse (spn x DC Crossove)

Summary: The day Lucifer was freed from the cage was the day your life completely fell apart. You were ripped harshly from the peaceful life you had created for yourself in Gotham when your duty as the horseman of war calls and you are faced with a difficult decision: stay with your family in Gotham and let the apocalypse play out, or give up the ring (and ultimately your life) to go with the Winchester brothers who are searching for you to send Lucifer back to hell and save the world… or perhaps you can find a compromise somewhere inbeteeen.

[heavynightshade]

sam likes broken toys

pairing. sam winchester x ofc!hunter summary. ofc is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but she doesn't seem to know. word count. 1200 a/n. it's written in first person, but i believe it can be read as "x reader". also, english isn't my first language and im currently watching the second season of supernatural. tags. angst with a happy ending, i think

chapter 2 | chapter 3 (soon)

Why in the nine circles of hell is Sam Winchester laughing at the blonde at the bar? I personally wouldn't know. God, why a blonde? Dean loves to say that I have some kind of complex with everyone who has too little melanin in their hair and make it everyone else's problem. Whatever.

We're somewhere in the backwoods of Louisiana, hunting some kind of vengeful spirit. Supposedly a father who killed his entire family and then killed himself. We only have a few problems: Dean's car broke down, my laptop stopped working and the bones of the father in question are missing. What a great week!

When I enter the bar where we agreed to meet, I avoid staring too much, like, I don't want to seem desperate or psychotic, so, I go straight to the side of the bar where Dean is.

"A beer, please," I ask the bartender.

"On the house, sweetie," he answers.

Well, I'm not ugly, seriously. But I've had better times. Surprising.

I could have sworn I saw Sammy's back tense for a second, but then he just turned and nodded at me. Whatever. I'm going crazy (unofficially).

"You seem absolutely disturbed, especially today," Dean starts a conversation while looking at the waitress with a certain hunger.

"We have to work, you know?" I sigh. "Disgusting!"

"We don't have anything similar to the internet in this backwater, and the library is protected by Fort Knox for some reason," he takes a sip of his drink. "And you know, he's only attacked on even-numbered days so far. So happy Friday the 13th! Go relax."

Dean smiles and walks towards the waitress who had passed by seconds ago. Oh, my god, something tells me not to wait up for him. Kids, — he's older than me — grow up so quickly…

Sometimes I think about the dream I had the other night. Sure, I've dreamed about the brothers a few times, usually about the hunts, and it ends with someone almost, or actually getting killed. Sometimes I kill them, when I take the place of the monster of the week. My psychiatrist probably has some opinion on this, but whatever, I could handle a nightmare. Sure, beat the trauma once or twice a week.

But this time, it was even worse. I had sex with Sam, or rather, he fucked me brainless. He corrupted my dignity. And for God's sake, the memories alone are enough to make me cry, again. I’m afraid to even look at his face. The shame could kill me. Thinking about it, death seems like a pretty funny experience, you know. That didn't matter, right now he was apparently having a lot of fun with someone else, and he would probably have a lot more fun soon.

Yeah. Sammy deserves better.

Sam was still caught up in the conversation with the blonde. My crush on him was probably reaching levels that were much less mature and less feminist than I should have expected, which is detestable. I like to be someone with ideals, and I would like those ideals to resist a 6'4" man who looks like a walking encyclopedia. We need more sisterhood!

Fuck it.

Of course the jealousy made me sick. Every second by their side is enough to make me even sicker. Oh my God, I'm burning. I hated blondes and the only exception I can make is Stevie Nicks.

I have poor self-control, when it comes to candies, tequila, Chesterfield Black and Sam Winchester.

I look at the analog clock on the wall, a big red one that matches my lipstick. After all, I don't think it's good to have personality crises early, but, I mean, it was already past 11pm.

After that I ordered a shot of whiskey and headed over to a pool table. In fact, I am an excellent player. If the Winchesters can have fun, why can't I do the same?

Can manage to laugh a little with some guys for a few minutes. Yeah, maybe I prayed a little that one of them would want to sleep with me. I could be good at something.

As I go to bend down for the next move, a hand weighs down on my arm. I instinctively use the bat to hit him, but I'm partially unarmed, so the blow doesn't have full force.

"Why are you doing this to me?" His gaze makes my body burn. As if I was being judged on Doomsday, the only difference was that I cared about the future when it comes to him.

"Sam? What? No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." I mumble a few words. When did he get here?

"Why are you torturing me, Ivy?”

Ivy, like poison ivy, I thought. Sam told me once that I was filled with poison but blessed with beauty and rage. He was drunk as fuck, or it as me? I avoided thinking. I am not able to deal with things. I have not been able to for a long time. I’m no good.

I can barely think of a response as he drags me across the room. Sam's soft eyes and brusque attitude leave me confused. And I just let him lead me. Unfortunately, I trust him.

Sometimes alcohol makes me shaky, and this was the only reasonable explanation for what was happening now. I'm confused and in nicotine withdrawal, I keep telling myself, again, and again. I'm shaking.

Outside the bar, sam, lets go of me, almost throwing me against the wall, but he doesn't. His puppy dog eyes, he's so gentle. Gentler than I ever deserved. Perhaps, his kindness was the real violence.

“Listen, Sammy, I’m sorry, again, I didn't mean to hit you” Actually, I’m not sure about what to say.

“I won't tolerate your shit this time”

What the actual fuck?

“Don't look at me like that. Day after day you've been killing yourself. Acting like you hate this life. Hating each and every one of us. Hating Dean. Hating me.” His voice trembles. Sam runs his hands through his hair, like he's going to die if he doesn't speak up now. ”God, why don't you accept help? Why do you carry this weight on your shoulders alone?”

“Calm down, Sam. I'm a grown woman. I'm fine, I swear. The last week has just been stressful, that's-”

“Shut up! Jesus! You drank so much, as if some kind of dry law was going to start tomorrow! You only eat shit and don't get me started on the night terrors” He sighs “Fuck, I wish I could distance myself from you a little.”

“Why are you saying these things?” My eyes were watering, but I didn't want him to see me crying. Damn it.

“Because maybe if I could stay away from you, maybe I could love you less, and not care about you destroying yourself day after day.”

My face was wet with tears, but I couldn't understand the reason. I wanted to speak but I couldn't. unable to formulate a coherent thought and express it.

“But you know what? There is no corner of the earth that will keep your name from burning in my memory. I will never be able to be far enough away from you.” Then he hugs me, and I lose track of time as I cry. “I'll always be your friend, Ivy.”

a/n. thank u so much for reading. lmk what you think!! im planning make this a three chapters history, so if u have any suggestions feel free to tell me!

[ivypapercutsxo]

"It sure looks like it." Sam hummed, looking up at the sky. It was a dark color, a bit ominous but he didn't mind it. Personally, he was a fan of the rain. It made things seem relaxing, even if a storm wasn't relaxing to most folks. "Looks like it might be a bit more than just some rain though. Those clouds might have some hail in them as well, at least, they might. I'm not a weatherman." He chuckled.

❧ open to all ❧ near the beach

Thunder to be heard in the distance as clouds closed in. It was a beautiful display for those that could appreciate the wonderment of a storm, the harshness of a tidal wave or even just the gust of a strong wind. Fall had come and gone, and with it the increase in the grey that seemed to cloud the entirety of the world around. Every now and then Bonanus felt as though there was something beyond those clouds, like she had a connection somewhere far away. For a split second, before she'd push those thoughts away. Distraction was easy to come by.

In the corner of her eye she noted movement, causing her turn to with face full of wonderment. "Do you think we'll get some rain later?" Always the rain enthusiast.

[eisforeidolon]

Like 90% of the show revolved around Sam/Dean or from their POV. 10% were B-C plots for Cass, Crowley, whoever, so J2 could get time off. But just because 10% of the show had focus on other characters, doesn’t mean it was an ensemble. And not to mention the whole “found family” thing, like if Sam and Dean referred to someone as “family”, it was 9x out of 10 a death sentence. It was like another version of “sleep w/ Sam and die”. Family don’t end in blood, but it ends bloody when you’re in it w/ the Winchesters.

If you watch and pay attention to the entire show as a whole, yes, it's painfully obvious.

The problem is, as is so often the case? Certain fans only pay attention to what they personally are invested in. Sure, in this particular case, that's just (their imaginative personal reinterpretations of) a fraction of the show? With a show spanning 15 years, though, even a fraction is a lot of content. Easily enough that someone who wants to deceive themselves they're properly remembering 'the whole show' can.

So it doesn't matter that Misha was in a fraction of the airtime of a fraction of the episodes compared to J2. They only cared about the episodes he was in or they could pretend were about him, so he was a lead equal to J2! It doesn't matter that the Wayward herd and Eileen were in even fewer episodes and played only minor roles (if any) in the major arcs. They wanted them to be very very important, and the characters talked about family being more than blood a couple times across the whole span of the show, so found family was the major theme! It definitely doesn't matter Sam & Dean talked about their relationship as something special above and beyond just family more times than that, because they were tuning out/actively wanted to forget those scenes. And so on.

With a source material as extensive as the show Supernatural, there's always some extent to which fans' biases are going to distort their memory of the canon. But certain people really do take it to the next level. Which doesn't even account for the ones who know they're full of shit but believe they can change (at least the perception of) reality through never-ending spam campaigns.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

The Executioner's Song: Part One

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.6k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst

Summary: As the newly formed Scarlet Witch, you're not letting anyone get in your way to true power, not even Dean. The power you feel is like no other, and not even Cain is a match for you. Sure is cute to watch him try, though.

Season Ten Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

x

You sit at your small table in the back of the bar sipping on your fourth drink of the morning. The best thing about your condition is you can drink as much as you want whenever you want. You get a slight buzz but nothing like being blackout drunk. The only people left in the bar are the ones who fell asleep in it last night and the day drinkers. There are a few stragglers coming in for a quick bite but it's mostly bar drunks and bad attitude.

There is a couple on the far side of the bar that seems to be in a bit of an argument. The woman came storming in to find her husband or boyfriend or whoever was still at the bar drinking. You can't hear what they're saying but you can't imagine it's good. So glad you're not in her shoes anymore.

A much younger girl is near their table after just coming out of the bathroom. His eyes wander in her direction and you smirk knowingly. He doesn't check the girl out because he knows it'll piss his woman off. So you make him. His eyes shine bright red for a second as you take over his mind from across the bar.

He completely turns and checks the woman out, causing an outcry from his significant other. She hits him in the shoulder and he punches her in the face. Patrons from all around come to her rescue but you're not letting them leave here without a black eye or two. As soon as the first punch is given, a fight breaks out. It doesn't matter if someone has beef with another person or not, they're fighting.

You smirk and continue to sip your drink, soaking in all the chaos you're creating. Having magic again is the best thing to ever happen to you--the kind of magic that is limitless. Chaos magic. And you don't even have to lift a finger to use it. You thrive off chaos; it's what the Mark craves. You're just doing your job and feeding it with negative energy.

You close your eyes and bask in the feeling of pure power. There is nothing that can spoil your good mood.

"Y/N!"

Okay, maybe one thing can. You open your eyes and see Dean harshly pulling you out of your trance. Every patron stops fighting and looks around in confusion.

"Way to ruin a good time," you roll your eyes.

"When you left the Bunker, this isn't what I thought you'd be doing."

"What did you think I'd do? Stay behind with you two losers? I got my magic back, and the last thing I want is to spend it on the likes of you."

"Magic or not, soul or not, you can't go around hurting people like this."

"Or else what?" you challenge.

"Or else Sam and I will hunt you down and kill you just like we do with any monster."

You nod like you're in agreement but you feel quite the opposite of that. You down the rest of your drink and grab the steak knife that's lying on your small napkin. You twirl it once before slamming it down on the back of Dean's hand. He gasps in pain but tries to hide it from everyone else. You grab his collar and pull him close to you.

"That's strike one. I'm going to do whatever I want wherever I want with whoever I want. If you want to try and stop me, then I'm going to remind you just how little you are compared to me. Do not get in my way or I can promise you, you won't like what happens if you do."

You leave cash on the table for your drinks and step away from the table. Dean yanks the knife out of his hand, thankful you didn't hit his bones.

"What about my hand?"

You turn and start walking backward toward the door.

"Get your angel to fix it. I'm sure he's around here somewhere."

The Mark is burning but it's not because of what you did to those people inside the bar or Dean. The one who created you is calling for you. Cain is somewhere around here give or take a few hundred miles and he wants you to find him. The funny thing is, you want to find him so you can kill him. There is so much more you can do with your magic that you couldn't do before, and he's the perfect person to try your new tricks on.

Your magic is pulling you all the way to Texas where Cain was last seen. He took out one of the inmates, Tommy Tolliver, at the state prison, and the guards thought it was weird since all the doors and windows were locked. If you can track where this prison inmate went, you'll find Cain. The guards weren't too happy to see a stranger demanding to be let in but with a simple mind trick, you walked through the front doors with no problem.

You find the warden crouching down in Tommy's cell looking at a drop of blood Cain left behind for you to find.

"Warden Skiff?"

"Who are you?" he asks.

"The woman you're going to comply with. Tell me everything you know about what happened here," you say and flash your eyes red.

"Yeah. Welcome to death row. Have a look. The night Tolliver disappeared, our little ship was running as tight as ever, and I got documentation to prove it."

"Do you stand by what the press is saying about a locked cell, no security breach, and no guard misconduct?"

"Which press? Mainstream media is calling for my head, saying I was grossly incompetent. The tabloids are saying it's magic, that Tommy pulled off some dark miracle to escape."

"Are you saying you believe that?" you ask.

"I'm saying there was some kind of magician on the block last night but it wasn't Tommy."

"Great," someone mutters behind you.

You turn to see Sam and Dean in their Fed suits while you're wearing a dark red shirt, black skinny jeans, a dark leather jacket, and black fingerless gloves. You look nothing like a federal agent, so they're wondering how the hell you got in here in the first place. You look down and see Dean's hand is all healed.

"You two are?" the warden asks.

"Agents Hetfield and Ulrich. We spoke on the phone. I see you've met our other agent."

"He was being very helpful," you smirk.

"Yes, as I was telling her, it may seem like there had been a magician here but it's not the one you might think. Follow me."

The warden walks off first but Dean grabs your elbow to keep you behind so they can scold you.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"The same as you."

"You're here to look into the mysterious disappearance of an inmate?"

"Sure. We'll go with that."

You yank your arm out of Dean's grasp and follow the warden into the surveillance room where the cameras are located. He plays the footage of what happened right before Tommy vanished from his cell.

"This is right before Tolliver vanished."

The camera goes dark before turning back on. Tommy is gone when they turn back on. The Mark is tingling with anticipation because you know exactly who caused this. There is something moving in the darkness, and it's not the Easter Bunny.

"Is that one of the guards?" Sam asks.

"Nope, and I don't know who he is, how he got in, or how he and Tolliver got out."

"Can you zoom in on that?"

Dean can feel it, too. He knows exactly who that is.

"Can and have. It's too dark to make out much of anything."

"Do it." The warden does. "Freeze it and blow it up." He does and Dean stiffens in recognition. "Thank you for your time. We'll be in touch if we need anything else."

They traveled in the Impala while you walked, so you hitched a ride to the nearest pull-off area that just so happened to have a food truck by it. Dean is getting some food and calling someone while Sam looks into why Cain wanted to take Tommy in the first place.

"Damn it, Cas is still not answering," Dean sighs and sits across from Sam with a tray of food.

"Great. I have been looking into Tommy Tolliver, seeing if I can figure out why Cain went to the trouble of springing him. I'm still pretty unclear about it all. I did find this blotter out of Orlando about his dad, Leon Tolliver. Like father, like son. He's a convicted felon, fresh warrant for an assault charge, but he's gone missing and hasn't been seen in a week."

"You think the two are connected?"

"I mean, the police just assumed he fled the warrant, but if Cain took Tommy, it might not be a coincidence."

"What, Cain's got a vendetta against the entire family?"

"Maybe."

Dean's phone rings and he sighs in relief at who is calling.

"It's Cas." He puts him on speakerphone. "Hey, where are you at?"

"Illinois."

"Well, we got a lead. Cain abducted a Texas death row inmate named Tommy Tolliver."

"He's dead."

"How do you know?"

"Call it an educated guess. Cain has been very busy."

"Okay, where are you? We'll come to you," Dean says.

"I'll call you back."

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm jumping on this ride with you," you say.

"Help me understand something," Dean says. "You flee the Bunker to go to a bar and torment other people only to hitch rides to Texas for an inmate you have no interest in saving?"

"I never cared about Tommy, Dean. I'm surprised you couldn't feel it. Cain is calling us. I'm just following the trail. So, when are we going to leave?"

"Why are you coming with us? You made it perfectly clear you want nothing to do with us."

"I think it's time to meet Daddy again, don't you?"

Both brothers groan in disgust.

"Don't call him that."

"Why? He's hot," you shrug. "We should get going. Illinois is a long drive."

"Cas said he'll call back."

"You trust him to get shit done? What are you able to do in the Bunker that you can't do out here?"

"She has a point," Sam says.

"I know," Dean rolls his eyes in annoyance.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[ivypapercutsxo]

@khaenriahsrose [Kaeya and Sam]

"Yeah, I don't know what's going on with this thing." Sam groaned, shaking his head. "This is what I get for trying to buy a car on my own. I don't know much about them but like three things." He admitted.

[ivypapercutsxo]

"Yeah, actually. I am. I guess you could say I am both lost and looking for someone." Sam admitted, he had just left what he thought was Texas, or so he was assuming that was the last place he was in. However, now he was in Ivy Cove and that was unsettling because Sam had never heard of this place. "I guess I was wondering if I could find my brother here, at least. Maybe he'd know what was going on..or maybe you do."

Eowyn wasn't all that sure when she had started coming to The Grove, possibly before her memories had returned, and now it was just a way to hold onto something lost. All of it was hazy, and she was trying to somehow separate her memories into something that made sense. She wasn't sure she was doing so well with that. At least it didn't seem like she was alone in that. "Are you looking for someone? You look a little lost" she finally ashed.

@ivycovestarters

[youphoriaot7]

okay 4x06 was really funny and i giggled through it BUT. the actual concept of the episode is NOT FUNNY AT ALL. especially because it infects dean.

gonna ramble with spoilers below the cut (and yeah i know i know i'm the new guy here but yk just in case)

no because the idea of dying of fear is already terrifying. i have very high anxiety levels; i've had panic attacks in the past. the idea that one of those things could just...kill me one day? horrifying.

but by giving it to dean, especially post 4x01, it's so much worse. dean already has years and years of trauma—both just from dealing with monsters and demons (whether he admits it or not), as well as from his family and similar situations. he was practically a feeding ground for this thing.

take it like this: you start your day normally. you have to see a dead body and help with the autopsy, but that isn't the first time it's happened. shortly after, it's like your nerves are on fire. there's so much input and not enough places for it to go. your sensory system is overloading, and your nervous system can't handle the heat; it's freaking out a little. you've been jittery before, so you shove it down. it'll be fine.

flash forward about a day and something is wrong, and you know it. so do the people around you; you're figuring it out. however, with the inflamed nervous system, you're barely any help. you've just clawed your way back from death—a massively traumatic one, i might add—and now you're right back on the chopping block. there doesn't seem to be a way to stop it. you're losing hope.

this is really the kicker for this episode: no matter what he does, dean can't help. he and sam, for all their arguing, almost always deal with cases together. when they go off on their own, bad things happen. (i truly think it's one of the reasons they've made it through things other hunters couldn't, but that's a whole other rant for another time.) and in this one, he just...can't.

oh, he tries. he still travels with sam to help get the witness statements. they go out together to look at the wood plant. and what does he get out of it but a near nervous breakdown? so he gets ditched; left at the motel to stew—which, as someone with anxiety i can tell you, is an AWFUL idea. doesn't really matter though, considering he only has a handful of hours left.

then, when the episode ends, there isn't much wrap-up (not that there ever is on supernatural but i digress). instead, all we get is dean (unsurprisingly) lying and avoiding talking about his hallucinations. a lot of which, as you find out earlier, came from hell and his time there. (if this man heard one more dog i was going to sob)

one last thing to touch on: sam's reaction. look, i don't know if it's because that oldest-sibling-with-a-younger-brother instinct is just too strong and i'm connecting unhealthily with dean winchester (/hj) or what but sam's reaction to, well, everything this episode felt very...understated to me.

like, listen, the episode was funny to me because seeing this guy who always plays this big burly tough guy completely shrink and go absolutely haywire was funny. it was, i'm not gonna deny it.

but on a personal level, watching the only grounding rock in your life you've ever known, the person who has stood by your side through a lot more than you'd care to mention, that has saved you, saved himself, and saved a whole lot of other people—watching that man be reduced to nothing but a terrified, trembling mess? that's horrifying.

(and if i were sam, i would not have been reacting normally. and i definitely wouldn't have been annoyed. dean did his best to get around it for as long as he could. yeah, it resulted in a lot of screw-ups. but he tried, from the start. because he could've just curled up in the backseat of the impala, locked the doors, and hid from the world until the heart attack. and he didn't.)

[zmediaoutlet]

spn20rewatch, 6.06: "Do you really think I would let something like that happen on purpose?"

What do we owe to each other?

Tagline of a different series. Still, it's a question that courses through all of Supernatural s6. Who deserves a life? Who lives vs just surviving? If one thing survives and another doesn't, what's owed to the thing that's here -- and, what does that thing owe you, for keeping it here?

Veritas demands truth, no matter how much it hurts. Maybe especially if it hurts. A lot of gods operate on rules of sacrifice and the kinds of sacrifices made in this episode are like so much guts ripped out onto the warm rock, to be rummaged through at her leisure. If people die as a result all to the good; she's a haruspex, not an angel. The torn guts in this episode reveal all sorts of things, but most often the ways that people have hurt the people they're supposed to love or protect or care for -- either through deliberate cruelty or indifference. The distinction there doesn't really matter. The person's still hurt, and they're still going to die for it.

Sam Winchester without his soul is not Sam, but he is. He has no conscience and no ability to love, but he still holds all of Sam's blood and intelligence and strength and memory, and he can hold the shape of the thing that's most important to Dean as a walking entity in the world and it almost, almost works. It's not too soon after the season begins that things start to feel wrong, though (really, an attentive viewer should've noticed something Very Off the first time Dean hugs Sam in 6.01), to the point that Dean's more-or-less positive that this thing in his passenger seat and in the bed in the motel room isn't his brother at all, but some kind of monster. He knows what he saw, when he was turned into a vampire. He'd told to reject the evidence of his eyes but he's sure. This is not his brother. He's not... far off.

The curse from Veritas was useful for laying certain things bare. The relationship with Lisa was never going to work -- not because Dean was a bad partner and surrogate Dad, but because of Sam. Dean thinks it'll be useful to ask Sam some key questions, but because the curse seems to attach to the soul Sam is unaffected and he lies easy as breathing, because what's important to him is to keep Dean dumb and useful and doing his job. Provides a temporary relief for Dean, until it slides him into a darker place -- thinking that, rather than Sam being wrong, it's just that Sam is turning into the conception Dean has of himself (*note that, being that it's something about Dean's self-conception, it isn't actually true but rather the worst possible interpretation of the facts at hand). He thinks, this is it then. This is what we're going to be resigned to, until one or both of us dies and it comes as a relief. But the curse from Veritas doesn't work on Sam, and she reveals what's true -- that Sam isn't Sam, or at least isn't wholly Sam -- and then Dean's left with another true thing.

What does he owe this thing that is not his brother? What does it owe to him? Sam scrambles to defend himself, acting big-eyed and nervous and saying he needs help, but we know he can put on emotions and shed them easily as a snake shedding skin -- we saw it earlier, in the stairwell, when Dean was bruised in relief and the care dropped from Sam like a mask hitting the floor. What does Dean owe this thing? That let him be turned into a monster, and when he turned into a monster he hurt a kid that he loves, and that has broken the (admittedly failing) relationship that had been one sad small bright thing in the last awful year and a half, and has been wearing the face and smiling the smile and putting its big false hand on his shoulder and being the shape of the most precious and important thing in the universe, the thing Dean's whole life has been for, the thing he died for and would and will again -- but only the shell of it, and a cruel shell at that. Or, worse, maybe just an indifferent one. A careless pretender, using Dean like every other evil thing always has, making him bait and aiming him like a gun and letting him destroy, because after all that's what he's good at. He's a killer, right? That's all he's got left.

The answer turns out to be that Dean owes this thing a no-holds-barred vicious beatdown. You can hardly blame him.

[ivypapercutsxo]

Sam had seen a lot of things in this life, that was for sure. However, when a strange woman comes up to you and asks if you want to see her friend, he wasn't sure if he should say yes or no. Part of him wanted to say yes. The curiosity of what the other had in her pocket was intriguing but then again, with his experience, it could be something that would kill him or torture him. Against his better judgement, he sighed and nodded at the other. "Well, apparently i can't say no. so, i suppose yes, i do want to meet your friend."

open starter || laudna

she was honestly used to being stared at. being half-dead, half-alive tended to draw a lot of attention. but after years of stares and feeling ashamed, somewhere along the road the warlock just decided to have fun, to embrace it. so, when she caught her “admirer”, she creeped over, spindly, long limbs and all as she advanced.

“h e l l o.” her voice stretched, like a dead victorian woman, a sweet tone luring children to their doom. “would you like to meet my friend? he’s very…entertaining.” she asked, already reaching into her jacket, but waiting for the other’s approval.

@ivycovestarters

[mediawhatwiveswatch]

The Wives Watch: Supernatural S2 E8-10

We're back and better than ever

S2E8 - Do Dogs Have Opposable Thumbs

Does God count in base 10? Do demons have 10 fingers? Today's topic is supernatural hand lore!

Cold Open: Looking like a racist werewolf. A disappointment to

werewolf fans. We expect better of them. RIP Robert

"John is probably hanging with Thatcher looking up at us"

Black dog? Hound of the Baskervilles? Sherlock crossover potential? (2/3 Superwholock coverage)

No its just demons

Its once again time to *lie*

Do most demons have red eyes? Is there like a ranking system according to eye colour? (We've seen black, yellow, and red - where's my hot pink eyed girliepop demon at)

Immortal snail question but you get chased by a dog (Shout out Gav from the Slo Mo Guys. Credit to the genius)

MySpace Reference! Dean continues to be a terminally offline king!

I think the dogs are messing with people for fun. They deserve it. Good puppy

"Ooohh what would you wish for with the demon dog? Oh wait you have to kill a black cat no thank you" (We were gunning for animation powerhouse and ultimate hacker before the animal cruelty)

Is kissing a part of demon contracts or are they just Like That

Mr Painter Man is tired of people convincing him to stay alive (mood)

"We're not demons" Dean said demonly

Dean wouldn't be like this if John learnt to communicate with his children. No matter what Dean does, we're blaming John. He's probably responsible

Big fan of the concept of a Weekly Winchester newsletter in Hell

Why are all these demons using 10 year increments? Is base 10 a god given measurement? Demons should be out here using Octal to be confusing

"You shoulda thought about your dad. Your loss" Is the loss in the room with us??

"Think about your dad" Ma'am John's last argument with his son was because Sam DIDN'T HEADSHOT HIM HE DOESN'T LIKE DEMONS

Dadchester in Big Hell confirmed. Good

He IS looking up at us :)

S2E9 - So Anyway Dean Started Blasting

An episode full of emotions and rage... which is also an emotion

Cold Open - Dean with a gun what he gonna do

New Ceiling Baby??

Wanna know what kinda beer Dean drinks. It's probably terrible

"I ventilated him" very polite way of describing that action Dean good job

"The boys are fighting" "When are they not"

What are US Marshalls? Where do they fall on the chain of command? Are they cops, military, or a secret third thing only patriots understand?

ROANOKE AIN'T LOST. THEY SAID WHERE THEY'RE GOING. THE TRIBE THEY WENT TO HAD WHITE PEOPLE HANGING OUT

Dean once again confirmed never to go to school

Dean for the rest of the episode:

Is this the first confirmed straight up human murder?

This is a fucked up coffee machine. Demon coffee. Looking like a Wallace and Gromit invention without the charm kinda coffee. What kinda evil coffee vending machine is this

"I dont swing that way" DEANS A LIAR. SCREAMS ERUPT FROM THE AUDIENCE

Someone is playing Plague Inc. badly. You gotta hide the obvious rage symptoms until you've conquered Greenland at a minimum

RIP Mr Rogers. Twas not a beautiful day in your neighbourhood

Dean is far too quick to start shooting strangers

Solider man is far too quick to trust strangers in the middle of zombies

These guys would die So Fast in a zombie apocalypse

Sam read Anarchist Cookbook confirmed

"Awkward" - from the man who just orphaned this boy

Dean really said "why get falsely accused of murder when you can get truely accused of murder"

SAM MY BABY HE GOT JUMPED AGAIN

Put them ceiling baby antibodies to work

Protective Dean has returned!

"We aren't Marshalls btw" BRUH LADY DIDNT EVEN REACT

Dean <3 My sweetheart <3 Give him a holiday <3

These boys will never get their emotional moment

Are they gonna finish the conversation about Dean wanting to kill himself??

IS DUANE MEG???

Let the boys vacay. Dean wants to sightsee

Confession time <3

E10 - The Ceiling Babies Are Back

How many collective psychic powers are there? They got double ups already?

Cold Open - RIP to electro. He killed cats and went to therapy at midnight

John really said "kill your brother" and thought there'd be no lasting emotional conflicts from that

Is Sam breaking and entering his own car? Is it technically his car or Deans car? Collective car. communism

Ooop sam dead immediately!

Ceiling Baby! A double up already!

Mama Ellen and Dr Badass are back! Jo's off living her best life but needs to call her mother more

Everyone's favourite yellow eye wall decor

Ava we will die for you. We love you <3

Some people just dont get ceiling parents. Good for them

"I just helped you steal some guys confidential psych documents! I'm awesome" DARLING SWEETHEART WE LOVE YOU

"Are ceiling babies like Pokemon? Are there like water type babies?"

VAMPIRE TORTURE GUY IS BACK. GREAT. WE HATE HIM

THIS MAN OUT HERE COMPARING SAM TO HITLER

"Your dad would've killed Sam" Favouritism says otherwise buddy

One day Sam will be taught how to fight

Camera work is so good atm! Big props

Only Dean can call our boy Sammy!!

Gordon out here duel wielding and still missing

Gordon gone jail RIP to him

Gordon is genuinely insane. No way anyone can think he's mildly in the right. Psycho man. Go to the therapist he needs non-murdered clients. Court mandated therapy please

The brothers being sweet once more

AVA?? IS MY GIRL OKAY?? IS SHE SECRET DEMON?? HAS SHE GOT GOT??

WAHOO! PRAYING FOR THE GIRLIES

{{10% through the series}}

[envythemouse]

All-time Sam/Dean recs

Plotty:

Intertextuality by doctor__idiot

Summary: It starts out as a joke. Sam has no other excuse than boredom. And maybe a little pettiness.

Envy’s notes: Sam gets annoyed when Dean keeps trying to flirt with girls they come across. The solution? Flirt with Dean himself.

Another Go Round by KassandraScarlett

Summary: Someone sends Dean back to 2009, with a mission: change the past, change the present, so the apocalypse never happens.

Dean leaves behind a Croatoan-ridden world, only to stumble into the one person he's always loved more than anything else.

Or:

Zachariah doesn't send Dean to 2014. Instead, Chuck sends the Dean of the future to 2009.

Envy’s notes: Sam Winchester/apocalyptic Dean is the best ship we have in the fandom so I had to put it on the list. Apocalyptic Dean gets sent to 2009 right after Sam tries to kill himself to get away from Lucifer. This Dean knows what it’s like to truly lose his other half and so treats Sam with the love he deserves. I love affectionate Sam/Dean. Even better, other Dean watches it all happen and is jealous of himself.

Sincerely, Sam by Samcursed

Summary: Sam Winchester is praying for death.

Dean's already gone after sacrificing himself to take out Amara and Sam's losing more and more of himself each day at Lady Bevell's hands. He's reached his limit. Then suddenly he finds himself in 1998 and the sole focus of a supernatural lawyer who has one very firm request; She needs Sam to cure a demon. Dad, Dean, and Bobby won't let him out of their sights and Sam has enough to juggle with the swarm of supernatural creatures who think the Boy King has come back to take his crown.

Envy’s notes: Older Sam and younger Sam switch places so it has younger Dean/older Sam in the past and younger Sam/older Dean in the future. Sam uses his powers in this and the demons rebel because their boyking has arrived, some demons are trying to break the seals decades earlier because Lucifer has also noticed Sam’s presence. Oh and Sam think his Dean is dead and wants to join him.

The Truth In The Lie by flawedamythyst

Summary: Sam and Dean pretend to be gay lovers while they hunt a monster on a bus tour of Nova Scotia.

Envy’s notes: Lots of physical affection and damn do I love these original characters. Sam and Dean go undercover as a couple on a bus tour for gay men, they do a lot of sightseeing. There’s this guy hitting on Sam and he has no idea because he can’t read signals, but Dean does notice.

Pacified by Parroticat (hanover)

Summary: Set in season 7 after they've got Lucifer out of Sam's head. Sam starts having nightmares, waking up every night screaming himself hoarse, weak and exhausted. Dean fixes it the only way that has ever worked, no matter how embarrassing Sam finds it.

Envy’s notes: Sam starts wetting the bed after going to hell, Dean takes care of it. Not a kinky fic, just hurt/comfort.

073 – Barry by ani_coolgirl

Summary: In remembrance of the life and times of Barry Cook. Sam remembers perhaps a bit too much.

Envy’s notes: In which Barry helped Sam find out his sexuality and knew Sam’s brother was also Sam’s first crush. When Sam tells Dean about Barry, he realises Sam has feelings for him.

For You to Me are the Only One by flowerofnettles

Summary: Classic trope, Winchester Drama version—Before the boys hit her with witch-killin’ bullets, the monster of the week puts a curse on Dean: either he has sex within five days, or his heart will give out. The catch? The curse was designed to make its target violent during sex, and naturally Dean refuses to put anyone’s life at risk to save his own. As the fifth day gets closer, a desperate Sam makes the choice for them both, by offering (with a little help from Castiel’s angel powers) the only person he’s willing to risk at Dean’s hands: himself. Only when it ends they’ve got bigger problems, because Sam never expected that a few nights pretending to be a stranger volunteering to take care of Dean could lead to such shocking discoveries about himself, his brother, and the strength of the bond tying their souls together.

Envy’s notes: Not as smutty as it sounds. It has a lot of feels also. Hidden identity!Sam/cursed Dean. It’s all very consensual (except for Dean not knowing it’s Sam). It’s over 50k words so you can spend the night reading it.

It's Just Research by brokenlittleboy

Summary: Sam becomes obsessed with the "wincest" shippers on the forums for fans of Carver Edlund's "Supernatural." Dean finds out.

Envy’s notes: Sam starts reading wincest and then becomes a fanfiction writer because what better way to let all those feelings out?

Well Jung by alwaysthrowsscissors

Summary: The brothers are faced with their broken relationship in the aftermath of Gadreel’s possession and Kevin’s death. In an act of desperation, they go to couple’s therapy to try to work things out. It may bring them closer than they bargained for. This fic starts off funny and becomes more intimate and serious as the boys navigate their first time and process it with their therapist.

Envy’s notes: Sam and Dean go to a couple’s therapist to fix their relationship, they misunderstand some of their therapist’s advice.

Sam’s brow got further and further stitched as he looked at article after article. “She can’t possibly have meant this.”

“What do you mean?"

“It’s all...sex stuff," Sam said, crinkling his nose in disgust.

Baby Bird by TheQuietWings

Summary: Sam is sick, and Dean has some… unconventional methods to make him eat.

Envy’s notes: Dean feeds Sam mouth to mouth. Oddly sweet.

Embarrassing Crushes by Marie_Tomas

Summary: Sam and Dean get drunk and share a few embarrassing stories. When they ask each other about their most embarrassing crushes, the answers that they both give are kind of...surprising.

Envy’s notes: This one is really sweet and I love the way Dean reacts to Sam’s confession.

When This is Over, We Should Really Have Angry Sex by mjlove1 and oulfulsam

Summary: A Wincestous deleted scenes take on "Red Sky At Morning" S3 While Sam Dean & Bela are at the party Sam overhears something that leads to a very jealous miscommunication. Rated M for graphic Wincest in Ch2. 2-shot written w/ the wonderful& talented MJLove

Envy’s notes: Established wincest. Sam overhears what the guard says and thinks Dean actually slept with Bella.

023 – confession by ani_coolgirl

Summary: There are some things you can only say when you're alone. What Sam doesn't realize is that he's not alone.

Envy’s notes: Ghost!Dean hears Sam talking to his comatose body in S2:E01 Time of Dying. Why can they only be sweet to one another when one of them is dying??

Always My Pretty Baby by taiyou_nii_chan

Summary: Sam has always been Dean's "pretty baby" but years have gone by and he hasn't been feeling "pretty" or "a baby" lately. Dean takes care of fixing that.

Envy’s notes: A personal favourite because Sam doesn’t get called pretty enough, it’s always Dean :(

017 – backfire by ani_coolgirl

Summary: Sam gets Dean back for the itching powder. It doesn't quite go like he planned.

Envy’s notes: Sam pranks Dean by making someone think they’re a couple. You can never go wrong with pretend relationship fics.

I Can't Forget the Time or Place Where We Just Met by alwaysthrowsscissors

Summary: Sam and Dean fall asleep on the couch, wake up cursed with amnesia, and assume they're in a relationship. After exploring their surroundings, they can't keep their hands off each other any longer. The curse breaks mid-sex.

Envy’s notes: Another one of my favourite tropes. Both have amnesia and assume they’re a couple.

Hell changes people by blueingaround

Summary: After Sam almost sees Dean die in that barn, he can't quite shake the feeling that something's going to happen if he loses sight of him. He had never wanted to be as close to his brother as now. He can't take his eyes off him. After weeks of recovery, Dean wants to go back to hunting, but Sam wants him to just stay home. He knows the way he feels about his brother is wrong, but after hell, Sam finds it difficult to remember social norms.

aka Sam is struggling after Dean's recovery and they go on a hunt together. Some monster is hunting incestuous couples and some feelings are revealed. They decided to have sex to play bait for the monster and this turns out way more emotional than they both had expected it.

Envy’s notes: Sam has wanted to be closer to Dean ever since going to hell. Here’s one of my favourite pieces of dialogue:

“You're telling me you're fine with incest?”

“As long as no one's getting hurt? Sure.” Sam said, shrugging again. 

Dean was silent for a few seconds. Sam turned to look at him and saw his brother with a frown and his mouth slightly open in astonishment. 

“You're fucked in the head, Sam.”

“We both are.” He said. “It just seems I'm a little more messed up than you are. But that isn't news.”

Smutty:

Best Brother Ever by Mayalaen

Summary: Prompt fill for the request of Dean/Sam, dirty talk, virgin!Dean, coming untouched, massage, fingering, unexpected orgasm.

Dean is really sore after a hunt, and Sam offers a massage. Dean's first reaction is a big no, but his back is killing him, so he gives in. It turns out Sam's awesome at massages, and Sam knows what will help relax him even more.

Envy’s notes: Sexual healing, literally. Massage fics that lead to more are always great.

State Of Emergency by PerpetualCookie

Summary: Dodgeville, Michigan. January 2000.

The Winchesters get caught in the biggest snowstorm of the winter. Trapped in their motel room by drifts of snow six feet high, they’re more inside of each other’s pockets than normal.

John hears some things he wasn’t meant to hear.

Envy’s notes: Young Sam and Dean have sex while their dad is in the same room. John is not sleeping.

I'll Take Care of You by Katlover98

Summary: Ever since Toni Bevell mind fucked Sam he has had trouble getting it up. Dean tries to help him when he finds out and it leads to sexy time.

Envy’s notes: Dean helps a sexually frustrated Sam.

Every First Time by antarshakes

Summary: It all starts with a threesome, really. It all continues through threesomes. Then, it’s just minus one.

Envy’s notes: A pretty realistic way wincest could happen.

"Handsome, could you show Dean here what kind of kiss really turns a girl on, please?"

Cowboys and Indians by saltandbyrne

Summary: An account of the times Sam jizzed himself while Dean pinned his hands down, starting with a game of cowboys and indians.

Envy’s notes: Who knew a game of cowboys and indians could be so hot?

And the Truth Shall Set You Free by Nutkin

Summary: Sam gets hit with a truth spell, and Dean decides to do some digging. It turns out a surprising number of Sam's most embarrassing fantasies involve Dean. A very toppy Dean.

Envy’s notes: omg I love this one so much. Sam is under a truth spell, Dean asks him what crazy stuff he likes in bed and Sam is just like: you.

"What about me?"

"You on top of me." Sam swallowed, willing it to stop, but the words just kept tumbling out. "You holding me down."

[dontlikeconflict]

Based on S11EP13 Love Hurts (in which a supernatural creature called a Qareen appears to you as the person you desire the most, in an attempt to steal your heart)

TW: internalized homophobia, derogatory terms, John Winchester being a shitty dad

AO3 link

Dean's ready for it, he knows the bastard is around here somewhere and all he has to do is find it and kill it (or at least hold it off until Sam finds its heart, and stabs the damn thing)

He and Sam had been theorizing over who it might appear to them as, joking over childhood crushes and celebrities, but as the creature came into sight Dean's heart sunk. Some part of him knew who it would be, but he thought maybe if he didn't allow the thought to take hold -if he kept the idea in his peripheral vision, not looking directly at it- that it wouldn't be true.

but now the manifestation of his desire was staring directly at him, and it couldn't be ignored.

"Hello Dean"

The gravelly voice sounded the same as it had a hundred times before. The downward tilt to the corner of his eyes was the same, as was the slight skew to his blue tie. It was exactly as he saw Cas, in his mind's eye.

"oh don't try to be cute, I know exactly what you are Qareen"

He didn't want to have to try to kill this thing as it flawlessly imitated Cas, but at his words, the creature allowed its head to softly tilt to the side and his - its - eyes to slightly narrow. An expression that was so painfully Cas, that Dean was torn between pain and anger.

"I understand, Dean" the creature speaks, stepping slightly closer to the large work table that separates them

"is that right?" he responds, trying to focus on anything other than how much this thing looks like Cas, having to remind himself that it was an illusion, despite the tight feeling in his chest that always seemed to respond to the other man's micro-expressions.

The creature continued forward toward him "The longing in your heart? I feel it too"

If only the circumstances had been different, if only this was Cas, the words might have felt like a relief instead of so painfully raw.

"well that's touching" Dean began, as he tried to subtly move toward a knife wedged into the wood of the workbench "considering you don't have a heart. Considering... you're not Cas"

Dean didnt know if he was saying it aloud for the creature, or just to reassure himself. So that when he inevitably plunged a knife into this thing, he would know the expression of pain didn't truly belong to his friend.

"who I am doesn't matter" A small smile graced Cas' lips " The real question, is who are you?" Cas' eyes looked at Dean the way they had so many times like he was trying to understand him; like he thought if he stared long enough he could unravel the enigma that was Dean Winchester.

"what do you mean, who am I?" Dean trying to inch toward the knife, but the Qareen was tracing his movements

"You're a mystery. I can see inside your heart" They are both moving in sync, both so aware of the other " Feel the love you feel"

the use of that word causes Dean to stop in his tracks, and the creature stops with him "Except, its cloaked in shame"

and that's it isn't it? what it's all about. Dean has never been one to shy away from romantic feelings. Whereas one could describe him as emotionally constipated in almost every other area, romance had always been the easiest one, and even if he got turned down it never really affected how he approached potential partners.

But Cas was different. For starters he wasn't human, a factor he had gotten over a while ago but something that at the beginning had always been in the back of his mind. Back when Cas still spoke like an angel, 'raising him from perdition' and then subsequently threatening to throw him straight back to it. But it had been a long time since that mattered, a long time since he viewed Cas as Other in that way. and yet there was something so trivial yet so big that held him back. Cas was a man, his vessel was at least. And no matter how many people he meets, how much he grows and changes, his father is always there.

Throw away comments about 'pansys' and 'queers' and much harsher words that Dean doesn't even like to think. He can still remember his father watching the news and tutting at why "they have to go and get married, why can't they just stop shoving it in everyone's faces".

It felt wrong even back then, and Dean knows his father was wrong. Knows that even though he loves him, that he was an asshole on his best days. But the idea of people looking at him and thinking all those horrible things, the knowledge of what his father would think of him if he could see him now, always held him back.

When he spent too long looking into Cas' eyes, when Cas touched him and he felt himself light up, when he said something that sounded slightly too affectionate, he would feel his father's shame like a weight dropping down onto him.

He knew that he and Cas had something, that they shared a "more profound bond", as the angel had put it. But he could never get past the shame that lurked within him.

"when it comes to this" the creature continued, looking down at the shape it had taken, lifting a hand to Cas' chest and rubbing across it "You can't help yourself, so why fight it?"

To hear these words in Cas' voice; it was almost too much.

The creature was stalking its way forward "Just give in"

Ah, see that was just enough. That was so unlike Cas, to ask him to give in to anything, to not kick and fight the whole way as he always did, that it knocked Dean's mind out of its self-loathing and allowed him to act, to plan.

"yeah, you know what? You're right" suddenly feeling more confident that this was just another monster, just another hunt

"The real Cas, he does have a hold over me" It was the closest he had even come to admitting what it really was "but you... are nothing but a cheap imitation"

the creature was almost close enough to rip his heart from his chest, so he acted and did the first thing he could think of. He picked up a metal table to the side of him, holding it up like a shield just before the creature's hand burst right through the metal as if it were paper.

funnily enough, this felt more like Cas than the creature had been before, reminding Dean of when they first knew each other and Cas would constantly startle Dean with effortless strength. Holding a pipe Bobby swung directly for his head or lifting an entire anvil up as if he were holding a pillow.

Dean was taken out of his musings by the threat of losing his head as the creature pulled its arm free and he had to leap away rolling over the top of the workbench, just before the Qareen's hand went right through the thick wood. The way it moved was very stiff, not very artful, clearly not used to having to work physically for its food, used to victims presenting themselves eagerly for the face of their desires.

Then Dean's eyes caught on the knife he had been inching toward earlier, and he made a grab for it swinging haphazardly for the imitation of Cas' face, only to have his hand grabbed firmly, the creature squeezing at his arm until he was forced to relinquish the blade.

He was then shoved against the wall, held in place by Cas' large hand at his shoulder, the other raising, ready to push through layers of skin, muscle, and bone, to rip his heart straight from his body. Dean had no time to be scared, but if he had time to reflect he would have thought that dying to Cas' hands wouldn't be the worst way he could go.

but then it all stopped, the creature froze before stumbling back. Cas' face twisted in pain as it began to shake and scream before the body began to dissolve into smoke, and it all collapsed into a central blue light, almost like a star.

and then it was gone. And Sam was calling his name.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not much had been said on the ride back to their motel, mostly focusing on cleaning up their mess, and driving home the victim. But now they were packing up their few things into duffel bags, getting ready to drive back to the bunker.

As Dean was shoving clothes unfolded into his bag, Sam's voice came from behind him "So you gonna keep me in suspense here or what?"

Dean continued to pack, hoping Sam wasnt asking what he thought "About what?"

"Who was it?" Sam was prying, he seemed casual about it, still moving between the bed and his bag as he grabbed and folded each item

"it, uh" Dean began to speak before he even knew what he was going to say. The truth? Or some half-baked lie about Daisy Duke batting her eyelashes at him before she lunged for his heart? but a calm almost washed over him as he allowed himself to be honest.

"it was Cas."

"huh." the was a pause where Dean felt like he truly could throw up "Does that surprise you?"

all his fear turned incredulous "That doesnt surprise you?"

For a moment the shame from his father came back, and the idea that something about him looked gay came into his mind. What if everyone knew? like it was something they could just tell about him. But Dean had to mentally remind himself that this was Sam, that his Dad was a bigot, that his dad hadn't been around to judge him for a long time now.

"Honestly?" Sam said, as if his answer was obvious

"Honestly." Dean parroted, his defensive nature rising up "What you seriously think Cas, the poor excuse for an angel that dresses like an accountant, is my deepest desire?"

it felt wrong to deflect, to be hurtful about Cas just because he was afraid, but the words just fell out.

"he isn't?" Sam responded simply

"No!" Dean's voice pitched up at the end of the syllable, and it sounded like a lie, even to his ears. "He cant be."

"why not?" the blunt way Sam was addressing him wasn't helping the rising panic in his chest

"Why? Because that means I'm-" The words get stuck, he can't say them, especially when he knows how he'll sound as they come out of his mouth. The Qareen was right, he's still ashamed.

"what Dean?" Sam's voice is soft, like he knows exactly what Dean is thinking, like he wants to say it for him so he doesn't have too

But Dean has to be the one to say it, he knows this. He attempts to steel his expression, but as the words come out he knows he sounds afraid "It would mean I'm - " Queer, a pansy, an embarrassment "Gay"

Even though they both knew what he was going to say, Sam's face changes to one of soft surprise "Dean, Did you honestly think that something like that would matter to me?"

Dean didnt know what to say. Logically he knew it wouldn't, but some part of him felt like it would somehow make him less of Sam's tough older brother, like somehow he would be letting him down, as irrational as it sounded

Sam took Dean's silence as a sign to continue "Look I know Dad had some stupid ideas about this kind of thing, but you gotta know that he was an idiot"

some old part of Dean wanted to get annoyed at Sam for speaking out against their father, for disgracing his memory, but the feeling wasn't strong enough for him to act on right now.

"you need to know that... you and Cas" his little brother, so smart seemed like he had no idea how to put his thoughts into words "it would be okay"

the words Sam settled on were simple but it felt like such sweet relief, because really that was all Dean wanted. For how he felt to be okay. To not feel like he was wrong every time he let his guard down. every time he let himself want. He didnt quite feel like he was okay, but hearing the words from Sam made him feel a hell of a lot closer to believing.

"Thanks, Sammy" Maybe in another world he could have teared up at a time like this and told his brother how much his acceptance meant to him. But for now, all he could do was give his beanpole of a brother a strong slap on the arm and say "Let's go home", home to where Cas is.

Part two

[ivypapercutsxo]

"You don't know how happy I am that I've met someone who understands this." Sam admitted with a nod. "It is certainly hard to explain, especially when someone would ask me what my job was." He hummed. "So, what kind of creatures did you have from where you were and which ones are new to you in Ivy Cove?"

@ivypapercutsxo || Buffy & Sam

.｡.:*☆ "So, your version of Hell sounds different from what I had to see, but still like a shit place to be at." Buffy made a grimace, not even trying to sugarcoat it. It had turned out she and Sam had been on the same career path, so to speak. And they both had no been choosing it. Not out of free will, at least.

"Also, I agree that it sucks sometimes," She shrugged, picking up some fries from her platter. "We safe the world, and no one does know it. On the other hand, it would drive people insane if they would know what is going on, so.... might be better this way on the long run, maybe."