#‘yes okay now i see it but I don’t understand how im supposed to find this later like having to create a word document is too much they’re a

[ylajali]

I just had a 28 minute phone call with a TEACHER where I essentially had to talk her down from a ledge and gently guide her to copy and paste something.

[stevie-petey]

episode nine: the good

Soon it’s just you and Steve. You work around one another, anticipating each other’s next move, never getting in the way. Soft music plays from the record player that sits in the den. Steve puts on one of his father’s old records, gentle rock and delicate jazz. You hum to yourself, he hums with you, and it’s a peaceful morning. Until Richard and May Harrington walk in. Neither of you notice them at first. Steve is too busy spinning you around, playfully dipping you as the music comes to a grand crescendo. You’re laughing breathlessly, but soon your laughter turns into a yelp when Steve sees his parents standing in the doorway and drops you.

Summary: the party battles the horrors of high school and leave you stranded, tw: applying for college is harder than fighting literal demons (you would know, youve done it), jonathan joins your nightmare blunt rotation, max worries you, and steve solidifies his position of Best Boyfriend in the World as you slowly fall apart (though is anyone really surprised ??).

Rating: general, some swearing

Warnings: cursing, allusions to previous character death

Words: 11.2k idk how or why i needed to say so much

Before you swing in: we're here !!! FINALLY at the end of season 3 <3333 im so so so excited to present to you the groundwork for what i have planned for season 4 ;) it will be ... a lot. the season is huge, its difficult and scary, and i did my best to try and capture its dread and ominous sense of doom in this chapter. please enjoy and bear with me as i prepare for season 4. unsure when i will be done planning her, but i PROMISE itll be worth it !!

-

“Are you sure Ms. Bote is nice?”

“Yes.”

“And that Mr. Cune won’t question the hat?”

“Yes, Dustin.”

“And you’re absolutely sure we have lunch together?”

“Yes.” You tighten the straps on your mary janes and give your brother an exasperated look. All morning he’s been freaking out about his first day of high school. You understand his fear, it’s scary starting at a new school, but you’ve answered all his questions a million times by now and Steve is supposed to be here any second. “We need to go, buddy.”

Dustin shoves a pancake into his mouth, wiping his face with the back of his hand in a disgusting manner. “Wait, but what about my backpack–”

“I have it, Dusty!” Your mother walks into the kitchen and hands it to him. She kisses his mess of curls and strokes your cheek. “Are my darlings ready for their first day of school?”

“No.” You and Dustin say at the same time, which your mother frowns at. 

Dustin adjusts his backpack and gives you an odd look. “Why are you nervous? It’s not like you’re being blindly thrown into a den of hormonal creatures out for blood. You’re old now, they’ll leave you alone!” 

“Trust me, the college admissions process is a worse monster than school bullies.” You grab your own backpack and start heading towards the front door. “I have to start planning what to write, I–I need more clubs, and projects, and–”

The anxiety overwhelms you. It always starts like this: talk about college, you fall down a hole of uncertainty and dread and fear. It’s been like this ever since Jonathan moved away. The minute the Byers moved, you threw yourself into preparing for college. Rationally, you know it’s your poor way of coping with all the sudden change in your life. You don’t need a psychological research journal to tell you that. In a futile attempt to control your future, you’ve become obsessed with college. 

New York University, specifically. 

Jonathan has always dreamed of attending, and when you met him, it became your dream, too. 

“Okay, dear. Settle down, now.” Your mother places a hand on your shoulder and laughs nervously. She has about five seconds before you collapse into a mess of college admissions rambling and despair. “Let’s go outside and find that wonderful Stevie!”

Your body is shoved out the front door alongside Dustin’s. Steve’s car is parked, he stands outside it, arms crossed and a grin on his face. Your body relaxes when you see him, the buzz of anxiety dims. He’s wearing his Family Video vest, the green makes his tanned skin glow.

“She’s doing it again.” Dustin tells him, tossing his backpack into the backseat.

Steve winces. He knows exactly what your brother is referring to. He’s been at the other end of far too many anxious phone calls at three in the morning. “College?”

“Yeah, she almost had a meltdown in the kitchen.”

“I can hear you both, you know.” Though you try to seem fine, keep up the annoyance, you stand next to Steve and rest your head on his shoulder anyways. He wraps an arm around you and kisses your forehead. 

Steve rubs your arm and makes a sympathetic noise. Your mother, seeing how he holds you, squeals. “Oh, stay just like that, hold on!”

“Mom, what–” But your mother ignores you and runs back inside the house. You look at Dustin, terrified. “She’s not…”

He shakes his head at you. He leans against the car next to you and crosses his arms, mimicking Steve’s earlier stance.  “She’s mom. Of course she is.”

“What are you guys talking about–” A flash of light momentarily blinds Steve, and he flinches. “Woah, alright.”

“Smile, kids!” Another camera flash, and your mother coos as you, Steve, and Dustin awkwardly shuffle into frame. It’s not that the three of you dislike being near the other, it’s the fact that it’s seven in the morning and neither you nor Dustin are ready for the day ahead. Steve smiles, though. “That’s it! Everyone say, ‘happy first day of school’!”

A mess of incoherent mumbling follows your mothers command, but she doesn’t let it bother her. She takes a million pictures, preens when she sees Steve smile even wider, and she has to hold back tears. Her babies are all grown up. Dustin is a freshman now, and you’re a senior.

“Alright, Mrs. Henderson,” Steve has to quickly blink, trying to regain his eyesight. He adores the woman, he knows he’s become her favorite, but he really needs to get you to school before his shift at Family Video starts. “I have no doubt you’ve already taken the best picture ever.”

“Aw, just one more–”

“Mom.” Dustin clears his throat, urging her to stop, and she sighs. 

Your mother kisses Dustin’s head, then yours, and wishes you a good first day before getting into her own car to drive to work. “Bye, kids!”

You all wave at her, and Steve opens the car door for you. Once you’re seated, he goes to the driver’s side and tells Dustin to get in the back. The engine starts, soft music plays from Steve’s radio, and soon the three of you are driving towards Hawkins high. 

“No Robin?” You ask Steve after a few minutes of silence. He’s grown rather close to the girl, working together all summer, so you had expected her to drive with you guys to school. When you and him officially got together, Robin made the two of you promise that you wouldn’t abandon her. It was an irrational fear, you love Robin dearly, but you made sure to spend time with her and Steve equally anyways. 

“She has band practice this morning,” Steve responds. “So it’s just me and the Hendersons today.”

Dustin shoves his head in between the two of you. His seatbelt strains against his chest, but he doesn’t care. He’s on a mission to get as much information as he possibly can. He refuses to go into high school blind and pathetic. “Steve, you were once popular.”

“Why the past tense? I mean, I’d consider myself still pretty well liked–”

“I need you to tell me what you did that led to your demise so I can avoid doing the same.”

You snort and Steve sighs. The kid really keeps him humble. He stops at a light, looks at Dustin through the rearview mirror, and shakes his head. “What makes you think it was anything I did?”

“Kid’s got a point,” you say from the passenger seat. Steve gives you an offended look and you raise your hands in surrender. “Hey, all I’m saying is that I also don’t really know what happened. You’ve got a track record of pissing off the wrong people. One minute you were King Steve, the next you were shunned.”

Steve groans. “You people have no faith in me.” He can feel you and Dustin staring at him, unbelieving. He hates when the two of you team up against him; it makes it harder for him to lie. Truthfully, he doesn’t want to tell you what happened. Not because he’s embarrassed, or ashamed, even. 

He knows it will only upset you. Reopen wounds. 

But you and Dustin keep staring at Steve and there’s still at least ten minutes left of the drive. Weighing his options, Steve figures it’s best if he just tells the truth. Like ripping off a bandaid, knowing the pain will be there regardless of how long you stall. “Okay, fine.” He scratches his nose, clears his throat. “It was, uh. Because of Billy.”

The temperature in the car drops. It’s suddenly ice cold. 

Dustin slowly leans back against his seat. Steve faces ahead, eyes on the road, but he watches you from his periphery. No one has mentioned Billy since his death, at least not in front of you or Max. 

Especially Max. 

They wait for you to react. To tense up, ball your hands into fists and wipe away tears. They expect the guilt you’ve barely kept hidden to resurface, but you don’t do any of that. Instead, you surprise them. “Can’t believe you let a mullet defeat you.”

Steve isn’t sure if he’s allowed to laugh at first, worried it’s some bizarre test of yours. But he sees the smile on your face, albeit forced and terse, but he knows you’re trying. So he plays along, relieved that you’re doing what you can. “I don’t know, I thought the mullet looked pretty good.”

“Get a mullet and see how fast I leave you.”

Dustin nods in agreement, Steve shakes his head with a laugh, and the temperature in the car returns. There’s still a slight chill in the air, there will always be a slight chill, but you pull your jacket tighter around you and ignore it. 

When you get to the school, Dustin stares at the hounds of teens all walking through the parking lot. He gulps, tightens his hands around his backpack, and you try to ease his apprehension. 

“Hey, look at me.” He does, and you extend your arm, offering a handshake. Dustin eyes you wearily, but reluctantly he shakes your hand. You nod at him, hand firm around his. “It’s just you and me. And Lucas. Max, too. Unfortunately, possibly Mike. Copy?”

“Copy.” Dustin releases your hand and salutes you. He pushes his hat down, takes a deep breath, and unbuckles his seatbelt. “Let’s go.”

“Good luck, little Henderson.” Steve salutes him as well before turning to you. He presses his lips to yours, hums, a soft smile on his face. “And good luck, angel.”

Ignoring Dustin’s dramatic gagging in the back, you squeeze Steve’s hand and smile back at him. “Thanks, honey. Have a good day at work.”

Dustin nearly falls out of the car with how fast he scrambles out of it. He’s about to ban all forms of physical affection between you and Steve. It’s disgusting. No one wants to see any of that. You follow after your brother and exit the car.

You only make it a few feet before Steve rolls down the car window and shouts, “I love you!”

A few students in the parking lot turn, and their faces contort into shock when they see none other than Steve Harrington. He waves at them, cocky as always, and you’re both mortified and so in love. He may have lost his crown, but he will always be the king. While Dustin ducks his head down in embarrassment, you wink at Steve. “I love you, too!”

“You’re going to be the reason I end up getting thrown into a dumpster on my first day.”

“Aw, is Dusty-bun jealous?”

“Go die.”

–

The entire day it feels like you’re missing something. 

When you get to homeroom, there isn’t a seat saved for you at the front. When the physics teacher drops his chalk five times within the first five minutes, there isn’t anyone to tease you for your poorly contained snicker. In the library, you’re forced to sit in a corner because there’s no one to share the plush sofa with. 

There’s no one who whispers answers to you during calculus. No one who hooks their foot around your desk’s leg. No one who doodles in your notebook just to get you to laugh. 

Jonathan’s absence is palpable. 

You knew it would feel weird, starting senior year without him, but you didn’t think it’d feel so lonely, either. Empty. Unfinished. 

By the time lunch comes, you’re slowly losing your mind. You need someone to talk to. Robin and Nancy don’t share any classes with you, Jonathan had been your only real friend at Hawkins, and now you’re paying the price. 

You’re the first one at the lunch table, which you figure is a good thing. Earlier in the week you and the party had all agreed to sit together at lunch, you’d been excited to finally share the same school building as them. However, you hadn’t wanted to hover over them. You wanted them to branch out, meet new people, so lunch was your agreed upon time with them. 

The lunch room fills with students and you wait anxiously for the rest of the party. You’re excited to see them, ask how their days are going, maybe even gossip about the freshmen, but when they arrive it’s almost as if a tornado rips right through you. 

“There you are!” Dustin finds you first and slides into the seat next to you, nearly causing you to face plant into the ground. “Look, we gotta talk.”

You frown. “Okay, is everything–”

“We can’t stay and eat.” Mike cuts to the chase, not even bothering to sit down. Lucas stands behind him, quiet and nervous.

“What, why?”

“Eddie Munson wants to meet us.” Dustin says the boy’s name as if you should know him. But you don’t, and now you’re really confused. What does he have to do with any of this?

“Eddie…?”

Mike rolls his eyes at you. “Eddie Munson, Hellfire club, DnD?” When he sees that nothing he’s saying makes any sense to you, he huffs. “Seriously, do you not know anything?”

You throw a chip at him, hurt. “I was in choir, not some stupid DnD club.”

“Hellfire club isn’t stupid–”

“Anyways!” Dustin cuts the fight short. There isn’t time for you and Mike to argue right now. “Eddie is the dungeon master, and he’s recruiting us to join his party! We–we gotta go and meet him, Y/N. He doesn’t just let plebe freshmen like us join.”

“He’s legendary.” Mike says, and sadly you know he means it. It’s not often someone has the boy’s full admiration. Mike is hard to impress, and this Eddie guy seems to have him wrapped around his finger already.

Dustin stares up at you, eyes pleading to understand, and you know you can’t ruin this for him. Only hours ago he had been terrified of his first day, and now he’s almost vibrating with excitement over the possibility of joining some club. There will be people there like him, others interested in what he loves, and you can’t let your own loneliness ruin that. 

“Well,” you clear your throat, try to appear excited for the boys. “Go see Eddie, then.”

“You sure?” Dustin doesn’t want to just leave, he knows you were looking forward to lunch today. He’ll stay if you need him to, he’s sure Mike can talk his way in with Eddie. 

You smile at him, force your voice to be light. They’re growing up. You all are. “I’m sure, it’s your first day. You’re supposed to be joining a bunch of clubs, it’s a good way to make friends. I’m proud of you. Seriously.”

Dustin isn’t entirely convinced, but Mike has already grabbed his arm to go and find Eddie. He turns to Lucas, beckons him to follow. “C’mon, dude.”

“I’ll-uh. Follow in a sec.” Mike gives him an odd look, but Lucas is already sitting down next to you. Seeing this, Mike gives up and leaves with Dustin. As soon as they’re gone, Lucas lowers his voice and leans in close to you. “Hey, do you, uh. Know Jason Carver?”

The scent of chocolate ice cream infiltrates your nose, the sound of it colliding into the teen’s pants rings in your ears. The memory of it is tangible, and you have to hold back a laugh. Yeah, you know Jason Carver. “I mean, we aren’t friends, but we know each other. Why?”

“Do you…” Lucas looks around, making sure Mike and Dustin really are gone, before he continues. “Do you think he’d let me join the basketball team?”

You’re surprised. Sure, Lucas has always shown an interest in the sport. He plays with Steve sometimes, they trade cards, but you didn’t think he’d be interested in the school’s team. “Oh.” Then, you realize why he’s stayed behind. “You don’t want to join Hellfire, do you?”

“I know I’m just a freshman, and–and Mike would probably call me dumb for wanting to even try out, but. I don’t know. I think… I think I could be really good on the team. Might make high school easier.”

“Then you should go for it,” you reassure Lucas. He’s always been so careful to not upset others. He’s loyal, down to his very core, you understand the fear that doing something for yourself brings. “Jason isn’t so bad. A bit much, but kind. He’s a team player, and I think they'd be lucky to have someone like you.”

Lucas smiles shyly at you. “Really?”

“Really. Now, go and find the guy. Ask him when try-outs are, and I’ll talk to Steve about practicing more with you. How’s that sound?”

“You’re the best!” Lucas gives you a quick hug, already getting out of his seat, and runs right into Max. They collide, he manages to save her from falling, and he laughs sheepishly. “Sorry, you okay?”

Max nods, silent, and immediately you and Lucas know that today is one of her bad days. Her eyes are sunken in, it doesn’t look like she got any sleep last night. She sits down next to you, and you nod at Lucas, signaling to him that it’s okay if he leaves. You’ll take care of her. 

Lucas hesitates, unsure, but reluctantly leaves when you nod at him once more, urging. If it was anyone else, he would stay, but it’s you. Besides Lucas, you’re the only other person Max talks to. You’ll stay with her, Lucas deserves to go and branch out like Mike and Dustin are.

“So, did you know about Lucas wanting to join the basketball team?” You turn to Max once the boy has left. She shrugs, picks at the food in front of her. It’s the most response you’ll get from her, and you sigh. “You don’t want to be here either, do you?”

She looks up at you, alarmed that you caught on so fast, and you just shake your head at her. You dig into your backpack, take out some cookies you baked the night before. They were supposed to be for all the kids today, but they’ve all left and Max needs them more right now. “Here, take these. Go to the left stairwell, next to the choir room. No one goes there during lunch, it’s quiet.”

“Thank you,” Max exhales with relief, taking the baked goods from you. Tears lump in her throat, she doesn’t know how you always manage to do this. To see through her, always say the right thing. 

“Of course, my dear.” You risk touching her face, she’s cold, but she closes her eyes and breathes in at the comfort. “I expect to see you at Bookstrordinary after school today, though.”

Somehow Max laughs, and the action hurts her to do so. It’s becoming harder and harder to bear the sound of her own happiness. But she nods at you, understanding that it’s an order she can’t disobey, and leaves. 

Then it’s just you at the lunch table. Alone. 

Nancy is at yearbook, she’s told you all about her grand plan of reforming the club into something more than just homecoming polls and gossip panels. Robin is at yet another band practice, preparing for the annual back to school pep rally later this week. Steve is at Family Video, bored out of his mind, both of you wishing he were here instead. 

And Jonathan is across the country, at an entirely different school, aching to be near you again. 

The thought of him in California only intensifies the loneliness that you feel. The feeling overwhelms you, and before it can swallow you whole, you dig through your backpack once more. Your fingers shake as you rustle through the notebooks and textbooks, and they clutch desperately at your walkman when you finally find it. The mixtape Jonathan made for you before he left sits within it. 

You quickly place the headphones over your head, muffling the sounds of the cafeteria around you. Your fingers find the play button with practiced ease, and soon the beginning notes of the Beatles play through the wire and into your headphones.

The song soothes you, it quiets what you don’t want to hear; it makes you smile. The mixtape is all you’ve been listening to ever since Jonathan left. Though it can never replace his presence, it’s enough for now. 

You stare at the empty seats around you. John Lennon’s voice floats through your ears. 

Welcome to senior year.

– 

Miraculously, it’s Nancy you lean on the most as the autumn leaves turn orange and the summer’s heat dies down. She finds you later during your first week, grabbing lunch from your locker, and she stops you. 

“Don’t tell me you’re going to spend another lunch alone.” Nancy has never been one to greet someone. She always gets straight to the point, a quality that you normally admire.

However, you feel embarrassment rise within you, slightly off put by the cruel words. Sure, you’re not necessarily thrilled that you’ve spent your first few days of senior year alone, but you didn’t need Nancy reminding you of that. “Hello to you too, Nance.”

“Shit, I didn’t mean to offend you.” She holds her notebook close to her chest and looks down in shame. It’s weird, there’s a distance between you that has only seemed to widen despite how hard the two of you try to bridge it. For a while things were good, great, even. She was genuinely your friend, but sometimes insecurities can hurt the ones people love the most. 

“Not really sure how I was meant to take that.” You close your locker and try to excuse yourself. You’re exhausted, you hardly slept the night before. “Look, I should go. I stayed up all night working on stupid college applications and I just… I’m tired.”

Nancy’s posture straightens, eager to grab onto any opportunity to amend things with you. “I can read over whatever you have.” When you raise your eyebrows at her, she quickly backtracks, worried she’s overstepped. “I–I mean, that is, if you want. Not that you need the help! It’s just–”

She forces herself to stop. She’s rushing her words, messing it all up. Her shoulders drop, Nancy takes a deep breath and looks you in the eye. She never apologized for her words earlier this summer. The way she sneered venom at you, but she’s carried the guilt of it ever since. “I’m… trying. I promise I am.”

Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers have never handled vulnerability well. It’s what made you stand out against them, set you apart, and you can’t help but find this quality in them endearing. You know that Nancy is trying to go back to how things were, before one phone call between the two of you revealed the unspoken resentment she held. 

You never blamed her for any of it. But you know she blames herself, and Jonathan’s absence doesn’t help; both of you miss him, neither of you can afford to lose anyone else. 

So you try as well.

“I’ll let you read over what I have only if you let me read what you’ve written as well.” You nudge her shoulder with yours, getting her to finally smile. “I’m curious to see what that brain of yours has thought of already.”

Nancy laughs, relieved. “Definitely nothing as creative as whatever you’ve written.”

“We’ll see about that, Wheeler.”

Soon you find yourself in the yearbook room. Nancy introduces you to some kid named Fred, who moons over her the entire time you’re there, though she doesn’t seem to notice. She’s too busy reading through your ideas, and you find yourself admiring her side profile. The way her eyelashes kiss her brows, the soft cherry on her lips.

Nancy is beautiful. You understand how Jonathan and Fred and Steve and countless other guys in Hawkins have lost their minds over her. 

You read through portions of Nancy’s writing, and the two of you sit quietly side by side editing the essays. She marks some things down, crosses out some lines, and you do the same. It’s lovely, being by her side again. You hadn’t realized just how much you missed her following the events of this summer. 

“So, New York University, huh?” Nancy eventually breaks the silence.

You nod, humming as you skim over a line that you particularly like. Circling it, you respond. “Yeah, it’s been my dream school ever since I was young.”

Though you’re applying to other schools as well. A few state schools, some in Virginia, close to your father. But New York is truly where you hope you’ll be next fall.

“Jonathan mentioned that you like psychology, right?”

“Yup,” you cross out an extra word. “Particularly child psychology. Figured that after everything we’ve been through, especially the kids, it’d be useful if at least one of us has any idea what’s going on inside our minds.”

Nancy chuckles. “Fair.”

It falls quiet again, but you don’t want the peace to end. “I heard from Jonathan that you’re looking into Emerson.”

“He tells you everything, doesn’t he?” Though this time Nancy’s question is asked with fondness, slight exasperation and humor mixed in.

“Mhm, we’re a package deal. You tell one of us something, then the other is bound to know eventually.” You look up at Nancy and lightly touch her arm. “Though he still keeps some things from me when it comes to you, don’t worry.”

She laughs again, and finally you allow the silence to settle upon you. It’s a comfortable one. There isn’t a tension underlying it. For the first time in a long time, you’re able to simply sit next to Nancy and feel that she wants you there with her. 

After that day, you and Nancy spend almost every lunch period helping each other with your applications. 

Steve helps you, too. In his own ways. 

While he can’t help you write the essays, he lets you call him at two in the morning to rattle off application ideas so you won’t forget them. He doesn’t complain when you wake him up and he has an early shift the next day. Instead, he listens. Steve offers you his own tired input and indulges in whatever you need to feel that you’ll succeed; he’s the most doting, patient boyfriend you could ever ask for. 

And, secretly, Steve adores it. Especially when you call him some nights just to have him come over and hold you. 

Those are his favorite nights. Tonight is one of them.

“Why does college exist?” Your cheek is pressed against Steve’s chest as you lay in your bed together. The steady rise and fall of his breathing is melodic. 

He plays with a strand of your hair, you feel him shrug. “‘Dunno, but you’re almost done.”

“Yeah, just have one more application to send before I get to spend four agonizing months waiting to find out if I even get in. How fun.” Sarcasm drips from your lips. You’ve spent the last two months obsessing over it all, which words to write in your essays, which clubs to join, which teachers to beg for recommendation letters. 

And now you have one application left. Then you’ll be forced to wait, without any control of the inevitable outcome. 

You’ve never been someone comfortable with letting go of control. 

“Everything will be fine, angel. NYU would be stupid not to let you in.” Steve reassures you with a kiss to your temple, then to your cheek, the tip of your nose, the dip of your brows. As he kisses you, he envisions doing this a year from now, in a small, rundown apartment with sirens wailing outside and a fire escape that creaks in the wind. The song of New York City. 

Eventually Steve’s lips will find yours, and the conversation will be long forgotten. It’s how most of your nights end now, lost in the kisses as his breath mixes with yours. Hands will wander. Sighs will leave parted mouths. Quiet, soft, aware of the precariously thin walls. 

You haven't slept with Steve, at least not yet. Though you’ve been together a few months now, it still feels too soon. He’s your first boyfriend, your first kiss, your first real love, and Steve doesn’t want to rush you. If all you ever do together is lazily kiss and breathe each other in, then Steve will happily part your lips with his and draw soft sighs out from you.

In the morning you’ll awake with Steve’s lips on your neck, his eyes shining up at you, and in the morning sunlight, before you’ve fully woken up, the air between you is sacred. 

–

“I sent in my final application,” you’re whispering, not wanting to wake up your mom who has fallen asleep on the couch. It’s nearly midnight in Indiana, but in California it’s only nine and Jonathan has just finished his school work for the night. “NYU, it’s done.”

On the other end you hear shuffling as Jonathan leans against his kitchen wall. Will sits at the table with El, he sketches the early stages of a painting and she studies grammar. Jonathan watches them, his mom is in bed, and he forgets for a moment that he’s on the phone with you.

“Bee?” You say the childhood name so softly, so tenderly with concern, and it brings Jonathan back to himself. 

“I’m here, sorry.” He clears his throat, his head is still slightly muffled. Jonathan met a guy in woodshop this week, his name is Argyle, and somehow during lunch he found himself in the back of the guy’s van with a blunt hanging loosely from his lips. The smoke dulled the ache of missing Nancy, of missing you. Jonathan can’t tell you this, though. You’d kill him, and he hates disappointing you. “What were you saying?”

You frown slightly, he sounds different. There’s something in his voice, it’s raspy and he sounds distant. The sound is lonely, he sounds lonely. Jonathan isn’t really here, despite the fact that he’s talking to you. The last few phone calls have been like this. You don’t know what to do.  

When Jonathan left, the two of you promised to call each other every Friday, a compromise. A way to create distance, yet tether you to each other. Jonathan calls you every Friday, Nancy gets him every day the rest of the week, and it works. This is how it’s always been ever since early September.

At first you guys would talk about how your weeks had gone. Jonathan would complain about the California heat and you would tell him about how Mike and Lucas had crashed your date with Steve one night. Laughter would float over the telephone lines. Teasing, whispered “I miss you’s” and spoken goodbyes with the promise of talking again next week. 

But last week when you called, the teasing was gone. The laughter was minimal. You had complained about an exam that day and Jonathan had given one word responses that had worried you. It had been odd, but you thought that maybe he’d been tired that day. Everyone has a bad day, you know this.

Yet it’s Friday again and Jonathan couldn’t feel farther away from you.

“I mailed my NYU application in, bee. You send in yours yet?” Voice light, cheery. You do what you can to try and keep him afloat. You try to grasp at the good that’s left between you. Remind Jonathan that you’re right here, still with him, without scaring him away. “You remember our plan, right? Me and you in New York, together.”

Since you were kids the plan has always been to go to college together. Back then, neither of you could fathom a reason to ever be apart. You were invincible, the same way all kids think they are before the world tells them otherwise. 

But you and Jonathan aren’t invincible, you never were. 

You can hear the way your question suffocates him. The breath that he holds, stilted and torn, suffocates you as well. 

Nausea punches Jonathan, the smoke from earlier suddenly fogs his throat. He doesn’t know what to do. Nancy wants him to go to Emerson with her, he promised you NYU when he was twelve, and California has his mother and Will.

“Yeah, yeah. I–I mean, I sent mine in. Last week.”

Jonathan is lying. You’ve known him for almost six years; he always stumbles over his words when he lies.  

Part of you wants to ask him why he’s doing this, lying to you and pulling away. Another part of you, the larger, more naive part, doesn’t want to believe it. You clear your throat, swallow down the hurt, and choose naivety. “Oh,” your tone is too pinched, too put together. You clear your throat again. “That’s–that’s great! I, um. Surprised you didn’t read the essays to me. Have me edit them, like we’ve always done.”

Jonathan leans his head against the wall and squeezes his eyes shut. He’s never been able to lie to you, he knows you’re desperately trying to overcompensate, as you always do. He hates it. He hates himself. “Yeah, well. Got excited, I guess.”

You hum, words failing you, and the line goes silent.

Dread replaces the laughter that night.

– 

Before you know it, it’s Halloween and the party has infiltrated Steve’s house. 

The holiday falls on a Saturday, and the party deems itself too old to trick or treat. When they find out that Steve’s parents won’t be home that weekend, they demand to spend the night at his house and watch horror movies.

Steve fights back, complains that he doesn’t want them taking over his living room, but his complaints fall on deaf ears. That, and Dustin ropes Robin into their plans. 

“Oh, God. Don’t open the door!” Dustin shrieks, throwing popcorn at Steve’s TV as he covers his eyes with a blanket. He cowers against Lucas, who shoves him off, and Mike snickers. Max sits on the couch, outside of their fort, and watches the boys. None of them try to get her to sit with them. They know they’re lucky that she even showed in the first place. 

“I can’t look.” Robin’s voice carries over, you can almost picture her cringing as she holds a pillow to her chest. Mike chose a particularly gory movie, and the kid’s mind frightens her.

A loud crash sounds, then a woman screams. You figure the protagonist did open the door and has now died, though you can’t be sure. You’re in the kitchen with Steve, taking out the final batch of oatmeal raisin cookies from the oven. The smell wafts through the home, bringing warmth to a house that Steve has always found cold, and he places his hands on your hips. 

“You spoil the kids too much,” he presses his nose against your cheek and kisses you. “They invade my home and you bake them delicious goods.”

You set the tray of cookies down onto the counter. “As if the cookies aren’t for you, too.”

“That isn’t important. We’re focusing on my hostage house, Y/N.”

“‘Hostage house’, quite the alliteration there.”

Steve now kisses your neck, distracting you as you plate the cookies. “I love it when you talk dirty to me.” 

“Don’t make me come in there!” Dustin screams, and Robin echoes him with her own disgusted yelling. 

You laugh at their theatrics while Steve rolls his eyes. He really hates that his house has become the party’s source of entertainment. He just wants to compliment his beautiful girlfriend in peace. Who would punish a guy for that?

In his moping Steve almost misses you walking back into the living room. He follows, stumbles over his feet, never wanting to be more than a few inches away from you. You’re magnetic, always pulling him in. 

Mike is the first to grab a handful of cookies. Lucas and Dustin follow quickly after. They shove the food into their mouths and you scoff at their lack of manners. They’re such boys, growing taller every day, and they’re just as disgusting as they were when they were kids. 

“Want one, Max?” You hold the plate up to her, noticing that she hasn’t moved from her seat. She shakes her head at you, eyes never leaving the screen. Lucas and you share a look, the same concerned expression on your faces. 

The moment is broken by Robin, who grabs a cookie and practically melts. “Holy shit, Y/N. You bake these regularly?”

“Usually once a week,” you shrug at her. “Though I once baked six batches during finals week.”

“God, that was a good week.” Dustin hums, lost in the blissful memory.

Robin grabs your arm, eyes wide with enthusiasm. “I will give you my firstborn child in exchange for my own batch of cookies.”

Steve pokes her shoulder. “You already promised your firstborn to me after I agreed to cover your weekend shift.”

“I can have twins.”

You laugh at her. “That’s a terrifying thought.”

Robin sticks her tongue out at you, causing you to laugh even more, and Mike puts the next movie on. Everyone settles back down, you lay with Steve in the lovechair with Robin in front of you. Max has the couch to herself, the boys are sprawled on the floor in a mess of pillows and blankets, and for the first time in months you feel a certain warmth having your family together. 

Sometime during the night the clock strikes twelve. 

It’s November 1st, 1985. 

Steve’s nineteenth birthday. 

Robin snores softly on the ground, arm underneath her head as a makeshift pillow. Mike, Dustin, and Lucas are all curled up against one another, their faces young again. Max sleeps softly on the couch, her hand dangles over the edge, grazing Lucas’ outstretched arm and open palm. 

Steve lays beneath you, he isn’t quite asleep yet. You’ve come to learn the rhythm of his breaths as he sleeps. The way they slow, the pattern steady. You lift your head up, wanting to admire him, and find that he’s already looking at you. 

“Hi, angel.” He whispers, smiling sweetly. 

You smile back, you always smile back at him. “Hi, honey.” Doing your best to remain quiet, you crawl up the length of Steve and nuzzle your way into his neck. You kiss the dip just above his collarbone, causing him to shiver. “Happy birthday.”

Arms encase you, pull you deeper into the body you lay on. Steve’s body heat warms your face, warms your bones, and you wish you could stay like this forever. In Steve’s arms, the scent of him overwhelming your mind, his touch calming you. 

“Thank you,” he kisses the top of your head. He lingers, his lips soft. The two of you stay like this, his head against yours, your chin tucked into the alcove of his neck. Your breathing syncs with his, his fingers trail up and down your spine. Your fingers splay over his chest, warming his ribs. 

In the morning, Max wakes everyone up. 

“My mom will be worried,” she kicks Mike, nudges Lucas’ shoulder. “Wake up, idiots.” 

Steve groans, squinting his eyes against the morning light. He tries to roll over and block it out and nearly shoves you off the seat in the process. “Steve!” He manages to catch you in his sleepy state, but his movements are slow. 

“Sorry!”

You clutch your chest, heart pounding. “You’ve done that way too many times now. I’m starting to think you want to throw me onto the ground.”

“Lucas once promised he could catch me if I jumped into his arms.” Max says, then she points to a scar on her knee. “Turned out he couldn’t.” 

“Hey!” Lucas sits up, rubbing sleep from his eyes. “I really thought I could do it.”

Mike stretches. “Your fault for trusting him, Max.”

Lucas shoves him and the two start to wrestle on the floor. They’re a tangle of lanky limbs, knocking into Dustin who still hasn’t woken up yet. They roll on top of the boy, and he wakes up to Lucas’ knee in his face. “What the hell?”

Dustin joins the fighting now, and Robin throws a pillow at them. “Guys! It’s too early for this!”

They don’t listen. 

It takes a lot of pleading, negotiating, and bribes in order to break the fight up. It takes even longer to wrangle the kids out of Steve’s home, much to his dismay. They leave a mess of strewn popcorn all over the carpet and pillows missing feathers. You stay behind, offering to help clean the mess, and Robin rushes out an apology and happy birthday to Steve as she runs out the door to get to work. 

Soon it’s just you and Steve. You work around one another, anticipating each other’s next move, never getting in the way. Soft music plays from the record player that sits in the den. Steve puts on one of his father’s old records, gentle rock and delicate jazz. You hum to yourself, he hums with you, and it’s a peaceful morning.

Until Richard and May Harrington walk in.

Neither of you notice them at first. Steve is too busy spinning you around, playfully dipping you as the music comes to a grand crescendo. You’re laughing breathlessly, but soon your laughter turns into a yelp when Steve sees his parents standing in the doorway and drops you.

“Dad!” Steve immediately bends down to pick you up, endlessly apologetic. He ducks his head, eyes on you, though his body doesn’t turn from his father. “I’m sorry, angel. You alright?”

You reassure your boyfriend that you’re fine, more worried about the fact that you’re dressed in clothes from yesterday with horrendous bedhead meeting his parents for the first time. Richard eyes you in Steve’s arms. He has a look of disinterest on his face. “Son.”

“What, uh.” Steve clears his throat, curls a protective arm around your waist. He didn’t mean for this to happen. His parents were supposed to be gone until Tuesday. “What are you doing here?”

“I live here.” 

“Right.”

Father and son stand in front of one another. Neither speaks. Steve feels like a little boy again, scrutinized underneath his father’s intense gaze. Never good enough. Never worthy of anything other than berating and lectures. 

You wring your hands nervously, unsure what to do. The air is thick. Steve looks so much like his father, it’s almost uncanny. They have the same build, the same moles that dot along their handsome faces. Only his father is dressed in a suit, the lines in his face are hard, weathered. He’s who you picture Steve would’ve been, in a different universe where you were never his friend. 

May Harrington gave her son all of her delicate features. The soft turn of his nose. The plush, pink lips. His doe eyes, his smile. The only feature that separates her from her son is her honey blonde hair. She’s beautiful, elegant and poised, and when she steps towards you, you can smell lavender perfume. “You must be Y/N. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Hi, Mrs. Harrington.” You’re quick to meet her where she stands. You’re nervous, you have to discreetly wipe your hand on your pants before shaking hers. “It’s so wonderful to finally meet you. Your banana bread is lovely.”

The woman smiles, it’s so much like Steve’s that you want to cry. “Thank you, dear.”

“Of course, and I apologize for meeting like this. I didn’t mean to intrude.”

Richard makes a mean, gruff sound. He shakes his head, steps next to his wife. He doesn’t like you, you can feel it by the way he blocks his wife’s view of you. “Oh, no. I’m sure you didn’t.”

“Dad–” Steve steps forward as well, blocking his father’s view of you. He’s angry, his shoulder blades close together. He doesn’t like how the man is treating you; you’re too good for such cruelty.

“What did I tell you about bringing your hookups to the house, son?” Richard sneers, turning his nose up at you. That’s all he sees you as. Just another one of Steve’s flings, one of the girls from his past. 

“Y/N is not just some hookup,” Steve clenches his jaw, tries to steady his breathing. He doesn’t want to fight with his dad in front of you. Not when he was having such a good morning, spending his birthday with your hands wrapped around his neck and your giggles singing in his ears. “She’s my girlfriend, and I love her.”

Richard chuckles, he doesn’t believe his son. “Okay, you love her. I’m sure your mother and I will walk in on you with some new girl next week.”

“Dear,” May places a hand on her husband’s shoulder. She sees the way you shrink into yourself at the man’s words. The insecurity that he brings. She sees how her son’s eyes ignite with fury, she watches as he does whatever he can to put the flame out for her sake and your’s. “It’s Steve’s birthday today.”

“Is that why you insisted on coming home today?” Richard turns to her, she has his full attention now. His eyebrows are drawn together, annoyance paints his body. “You told me you had a board meeting tonight.” 

“Why don’t we talk about this upstairs?” May suggests, relieved that she’s turned her husband’s anger onto herself rather than her son. Richard sighs, but he doesn’t argue as he marches up the stairs without so much as a second glance towards you. When he’s gone, May smiles at you sympathetically. “I apologize for my husband’s behavior. We had a long flight, I’m sure he’s simply jetlagged.” 

“Yeah, that’s why he’s such an asshole.” Steve scoffs, tired of his mother’s excuses for her husband. He can be cruel to Steve, he doesn’t care. He’s been cruel to him his entire life. But if his father so much as breathes near you again, Steve will hurt him. 

Your hand reaches for Steve’s, sensing what he’s thinking. You return May’s smile, you’re not at all angry with her. “It’s okay, really. I was an unexpected guest, and I should go.”

Steve pulls you into his chest. “What, no–”

“You may leave, if you’d like.” His mother gently interrupts him. “Though I must admit, I really do wish to know you better. If you’d allow me to, that is.”

“I’d love that more than anything.”

“Then I will plan a dinner for the next time my husband and I are in town.” May tells you, admiring your honesty. She can see why Steve has become so infatuated with you. There’s nothing hidden within you; you wear your heart on your sleeve, your sincerity a welcomed rarity. She turns to her son, rests her palm delicately against his face. “Happy birthday, my beautiful boy.”

Steve leans into her touch, weak for his mother as any son is. You turn away, it doesn’t feel right to watch this moment between them. 

In the car Steve profusely apologizes for his father’s behavior. Over and over again, he laments how sorry he is and that you’re more than just some fling to him. “You’re everything to me, angel. I love you so, so much.”

“I know, honey.” You grab his hand that rests against the stick shift. His father’s words had hurt, but you knew that they weren’t true. Steve is your’s, he has been for longer than either of you realize. Nothing will ever undo the love he has for you, the foundation of trust it was built upon. “You’re everything to me, too.”

When Steve pulls into your driveway, you tell him to park and come inside. His birthday gift is in your room. You had planned to give it to him later tonight, but his parents’ unexpected arrival had soured things. “I know you have to go home, but…”

“I’ll never say no to you.” Steve’s already unbuckling his seatbelt to follow you inside. He greets your mother with a kiss to her cheek, ruffles Dustin’s hair as he sits at the dining table doing homework. His movements are easy, leisurely. You notice now how at home he is in yours, far from the boy who cowered before his father only twenty minutes ago. The realization is bittersweet. He deserves to feel at home in his own house, not just yours. 

Inside your room Steve sits on your bed and holds his hand out, eager. “Okay, wow me, Henderson.”

“You really know how to talk to a woman.” You tease him, rustling through your drawer to find the gift you’ve hidden. Steve is nosy, he’s been trying to find his gift for at least two weeks now. When you’ve found it, you clutch the gift in your hand and hold it behind your back. “Alright, you know the drill by now. Close your eyes.”

Steve complies with a smirk, biting back suggestive comments. He loves this tradition with you, making the other close their eyes before their gift. Something light is placed in Steve’s hand. It’s circular, sturdy. He thinks he can smell leather.

“Okay, open.”

In his hand is a bracelet. It’s a simple strip of leather, nothing embellishes it besides a button to secure it. Though it’s plain, Steve can tell that it’s expensive. The leather is supple, its color is dark and polished. The silver button that clasps the two ends together is heavy.

He loves it, he does, but he can’t help feeling like that there must be something more to it.

As if reading his mind, you gently prompt Steve to turn it over in his hands. “Look what’s on the inside, honey.”

He does, and his heart stops.

The leather has been stamped. The word constants is spelled out across the length of the band. It’s a hidden message, only for Steve to know, and while he’s sure you have your own explanation for why you chose the word constants, he loves it already. “Oh.”

You sit next to him and laugh softly. “You’re my constant, Steve. Everything in my life has changed, or will change, but you… You’ve always been there, I know you’ll always be there. With me. My love, my lucky charm, my constant.”

Tears well in Steve’s eyes. He doesn’t bother wiping them away, too busy admiring the bracelet in his hand. He can’t believe you’re real, that you’ve thought of this for him. That you see a future with him… It’s everything he could’ve asked for. A security he’s always longed to have. His entire life he’s been told he’s too much, too overwhelming, and yet you want him to stay anyways. 

“And you’re my constant?” He asks you, fingers grazing over the letters again.

You nudge his shoulder with yours. “Well, I’d like to think that I am.”

He laughs, wet and full of love, and he can’t take it anymore. Steve throws his arms over you and you collapse into your bed, laughing together as he presses his lips wherever they can reach. 

“You are,” he says in between kisses. Your laughter lights him. “You’re my constant, too.”

–

The autumn leaves fall and the trees are barren as winter arrives. 

You spend winter break trying to maintain your promise to Joyce. After finishing the hell that was applying to college, you have so much unexpected free time that at first you don't know what to do. But then her words echo in your mind, the promise to live the life that you deserve, so you start doing things for yourself.

Slowly you read through all the books in your room that you hadn't had time for before. You start running again in the mornings, the winter air crisp in your lungs. You and Dustin do homework together at the kitchen table, making sure neither of you get left behind. You try new recipes to bake, delivering the treats to the ones you love. It’s nice, rediscovering the pleasures you once had long before the Upside Down came into your life. 

Christmas comes and you do your annual rounds, delivering everyone’s favorite treats on Christmas Eve. It’s during your run to the Sinclair home that Lucas asks you to come inside to talk. 

“What’s up?” You ask him, unwrapping your scarf and warming your hands in your sleeves. Lucas gestures to his kitchen table, silently asking you to sit. When you do, he takes a deep breath and joins you. 

Something’s bothering him. You can see it in the way he carries a weight on his shoulders. How they droop as he sits, exhausted. You reach across the table and grab his hand, offering whatever comfort you can give him. “Whatever it is, you can talk to me.”

“It’s…” Lucas purses his lips, his breath shakes. “It’s Max. I’m–I’m worried about her.”

He tells you everything. He tells you how distant she’s been, more than she’s ever been before. He tells you how she’s missed dates he’s planned for her, how she refuses to talk to him anymore. She hasn’t been to any of the party’s hangouts, Mike and Dustin haven’t seen her ever since winter break started.

Max has had bad days, weeks, even months since losing Billy. But she’s never had the bad days without at least one good day following. To break the monotonous cycle of self-loathing and grief and guilt. She would always come back, even if for a moment, alive and bright and reminiscent of the girl had been. 

“I can feel her slipping away,” Lucas looks down at the table. He’s afraid that if he looks at you then he’ll start crying. He doesn’t want you to worry, he knows how much you already deal with and do for them, but he’s terrified. “I know… I know that you helped Will, after he was flayed. Do you think you could maybe talk to Max? Just… Remind her that we’re here for her? I can’t–I can’t lose her.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” you squeeze his hand in yours, trying to stem the stream of tears he fought so hard to force down. Lucas loves Max with everything within him. Anyone can see that. You’d do anything to bring the girl back to him, to bring her back to all of you. “I’ll talk to her.”

I’ll keep an eye on her. Watch her when you can’t. 

Lucas hears it. He exhales, nods his head.

You leave. Max was the next one on your list of deliveries anyways. 

It’s nearing dusk by the time you get to the trailer park. You haven’t seen Max’s new home, she’s only recently moved. She had been too embarrassed to tell anyone that her mother lost their old house. The only reason you even know she moved in the first place is because Lucas and Dustin stalked her walking home. 

A dog barks as you bike past. Snow has started to fall, tomorrow will be a white Christmas.

“Oh, hello, Y/N.” Susan Hargrove’s skin is pale, her eyes sunken in when she answers the door. Her voice is thin, her frame is strained. The death has been hard on her, too. Billy’s father leaving only made everything worse. 

“Hi, Mrs. Hargrove.”

The woman winces. “Please, Mayfield will be fine.”

You immediately correct yourself, apologetic and ashamed, when Max’s voice calls from within the home. “Just let Y/N in, mom.”

Susan sighs, and you wish you could do more. Instead, all you can offer her is the container of coconut bites you’ve made for them. Max told you they remind her and her mother of California, and you always make sure to have some ready every week for them. Offer some semblance of joy in the gray of their lives.

Max sits at the kitchen table. Her head is down as she works on something. She has her walkman next to her. Susan leaves the two of you alone, excusing herself to go lay down after a long shift. 

You sit next to the girl and take a deep breath. This won’t be easy. Max is prideful, stubbornly independent, and has never accepted sympathy from anyone. You’ve always admired her fiery personality, but the fire has dimmed and the smoke is beginning to choke her. Talking to her will be like pulling teeth out. 

“Brought you your favorites.” You shake the container in your hands. It serves as a peace offering, almost a bribe to start the conversation. 

“Thanks.” Max doesn’t look up. 

You swallow, tuck your hair behind your ears. “Of course. I was doing my usual delivery rounds. I, uh. Stopped at the Sinclair’s.”

The pencil in Max’s hand freezes. Her knuckles tighten, though the shift is subtle. She’s always been too smart for her own good. “Oh.”

“Yeah. Erica likes my brownies. Mrs. Sinclair, too.”

“And Lucas?” She knows why you’re here.

“I made him chocolate chip cookies. You know how much he loves them.” Max doesn’t respond. Of course she knows how much Lucas enjoys chocolate chip cookies. She knows everything about him, but she doesn’t say anything and goes back to writing. Faintly you hear music coming from the walkman. You point at the device. “New song?”

“Kate Bush.”

“Oh.” This is going worse than you imagined. “Look, Max–”

She doesn’t waste any time. “I know Lucas sent you. I don’t care.”

“He’s just worried about you, we all are–”

“I’m fine.” The tip of the pencil snaps. “Shit.”

“Max.” You’re pleading with her to listen. Her skin is fluorescent now, paler than you’ve ever seen. The bags underneath her eyes are swollen, dark and ghostly. She’s lost weight. You can’t remember the last time you saw her eat. “Please.”

“What do you want me to do?” Though there’s anger in her voice, Max’s eyes plead with you, too. Her mask slips for just a moment, but you see it. Underneath her indifferent exterior, she’s just as terrified as everyone else is. She can feel herself fading, the guilt of Billy’s death slowly eats her alive. She doesn’t know what to do, though. How do you continue to live after death has infiltrated your home?

The chair beneath you scraps against the hardwood floor. You stand up, walk over to Max and kneel in front of her. You keep your movements slow, worried you’ll scare her away if you get too close too suddenly. “I think you should talk to someone, honey.”

Max turns away. She can’t. If she told anyone what goes on inside her head, they would never forgive her. You would never forgive her, and it would break her. 

Your hand falls to Max’s knee. The warmth from your palm combats the ice in her veins. You’re looking at her as if she’s worth something. As if she didn’t wish for her brother’s death. As if she hadn’t sent a grieving father into a spiral, a desperate mother into a trailer park. But Max allows your touch, so you try to get through to her again.

“You know, I was actually talking to Ms. Kelly a few weeks ago. The school’s guidance counselor.” She had met with you to discuss your grades and college options. When she had seen how you picked your nails until they bled, she suggested seeing her every few weeks. Alleviate some of your never ending stress. You had denied, uncomfortable with the idea. But maybe she could help Max. “She seemed nice enough. I’m sure she would be open to talking with you.”

“I don’t want to see some shrink.”

“Hey, I want to work with kids your age someday. Don’t call future me a shrink.” You poke Max’s leg playfully, and the corners of her mouth twitch. She doesn’t want you to see that it’s working. “C’mon. Have at least one meeting with her. When winter break ends, all I ask is that you try. For me and Lucas. We’re your favorites, after all.”

“If I agree, will it get you to shut up?”

You’re fine with this. It isn’t ideal, you aren’t sure Max will even actually try to open up to Ms. Kelly, but it’s a start. For too long now you’ve stayed silent, allowing Max to grieve on her own. Grief is hard, it takes and it takes and it takes. Yet it’s been almost six months and you’re not sure how much left grief can take from Max. “I think I can be okay with that.”

You’ll take whatever you can get. You’re worried. You got too caught up in your own life, you had gotten lost in your own haze of grief and anxiety. Missing Jonathan, grappling with change and growing up as you applied to college. You weren’t there for Max like you should’ve been.

But you’ll fix this. You always fix things. It’s what you do. It’s what you have to do. It’s how you love; you take care of those around you.

And who are you if you can’t?

–

Jonathan calls you high for the first time in late January. 

Though he doesn’t tell you that he’s high, you know. His words are slurred, slowed, incomprehensible. It’s late in California, even later in Indiana, and the stark feeling of guilt slices into your ribcage the same way the Demodog’s claw did. The feeling cuts deep into your skin, nicks your bone. 

“Jonathan?” You hope your voice brings him back to you. You try to cut through the smoke that fills his mind, that leaves him stumbling over his words. “Bee, can you hear me?”

“‘M here.” Jonathan sniffs, smacks his lips, yawns. “Where’re you? Can’t find you, bug.”

You close your eyes. He’s looking for you, and you aren’t with him. “I’m in Hawkins.”

“Thas’ far.”

“Yeah,” you choke out a laugh. It constricts in your vocal chords, but you can’t let Jonathan know how much it hurts to hear him so disoriented. “I’m sorry.”

“S’okay. California sucks.” He hiccups, you’re surprised he’s managed to call you tonight. Even in his drugged up state, he still somehow remembered to call. “Don’t think Nance will like it.”

He’s referring to the spring break trip. Nancy told you about it earlier today, how she and Mike will spend the week in California to see Jonathan and El. She had been a bit hesitant to tell you, afraid you’d be upset for not being invited, but you reassured her that it was okay. 

You’ve had a road trip planned with Jonathan ever since you were fifteen. The moment the two of you graduate, you’ll drive all across the country for one final adventure before college. 

Nancy can have spring. Summer will be yours. 

“She’ll love California because you’re there.” She talked about the trip nonstop today. Her glow had come back, momentarily, her eyes alight. She truly loves Jonathan, she misses him even more than you do. 

“Only disappoint her.”

“What do you mean?” You’re not sure where this is coming from. You know Jonathan is high, that his thoughts may not be coherent, but he sounds distressed about Nancy. You thought things had been good between them. They were planning a future together. 

“Is’ hard, with her.” Jonathan manages to get out, but his speech is becoming harder and harder to understand.

You frown. “What’s hard, bee?”

The line disconnects. Jonathan doesn’t bring the conversation up again, the next time you call. You don’t ask him what he meant. You don’t think you want to know. There had been something deeper behind his words.

Will calls you a few days later in tears. The kids are meaner in California than they are in Hawkins. They tease El, make her life hell, and he’s upset that he can’t do anything to stop it. He cries to you, his tears soak your face through the landline, and the guilt creeps back in. 

It will never truly leave.

You do your best to console him, offer him advice, but that’s all you can do. All you have are your words. Will and El are hours away, hundreds of miles separate them from you. It's nauseating, feeling so useless. For as long as you’ve known Will, you’ve always been able to protect him. To help him, dry his eyes.

You’ve always been there for your boys, for Jonathan and Will. For El. But you can’t get to them, they’re too far away, and it kills you. You’re sixteen again, trapped in Jonathan’s car and frantically trying to keep yourself together as everything around you falls apart. 

Steve becomes your lifeline. 

He always answers when you call. Every time Jonathan, high and lonely, hangs up your conversations, you call Steve. He answers, he hears the exhaustion in your voice, and he always sneaks in through your window later that night. He knows it’s the only way you’re able to sleep these days.

He sings to you when you wake up from a nightmare. They’ve become about Max, losing her. She’s only met with Ms. Kelly a few times, but you can tell that she already wants to stop. That you’re pushing her too far, pushing her away from you and everyone else. 

Steve takes you for drives when you get blisters from pacing your room, anxiously waiting for your college decision letters to come in. Soon your entire life will be decided for you by one single piece of paper. 

Two weeks before spring break, Jonathan calls you. He’s sober.

You can’t remember the last time you’ve spoken to him sober. The thought alone depresses you, makes you yearn for childhood again.

“I think Nancy wants me to come to Hawkins,” he tells you. “Would you… would you like that?”

More than anything.

You press the phone against your ear and imagine that it’s Jonathan’s hand instead. Your skin hasn’t forgotten how his felt against it. “Of course I want you to come to Hawkins, bee.” But it can’t be that easy, you know nothing ever comes easily. “Can you afford it, though? I–I mean, God. I miss you, you know that, but I know it’s been hard for your family these last few years.”

Jonathan’s head falls back against the wall behind him. You always understand. He hates it, sometimes. “It’s worth looking into if it means I get to see you and Nance.”

There’s an air of authority in Jonathan’s voice, as if he truly believes what he’s saying, and it surprises you. He’s taking initiative after months of floating away. Hope sparks within you, the cold hand of dread lessens its grip around your neck. 

“Well, I can’t argue with that logic.” You say. Jonathan laughs, you’ve missed the sound. It’s been so long since you last heard it. 

Conversation drifts after that. You tell him about the latest Spider-Man arc you’re reading, he inserts his own opinions, and it’s lovely. You haven’t had Jonathan like this in months, all to yourself, his smile aligned with yours. Sober, steady. 

The phone call with Jonathan reminds you of all the good that is still yet to come. 

College decision letters arrive next week. Your best friend might be visiting for spring break. Your boyfriend has planned a picnic for your anniversary tomorrow. You have your first meeting with Ms. Kelly the following day. It was your idea, figuring it was only fair that you see her since Max has agreed to keep going. 

And Joyce made you promise that you’d live your own life. You’re trying to get better, you really are. 

It just takes time. 

-

⌑ series masterlist

⌑ the taglist is closed.

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[etherealyoungk]

new year's kiss - choi seungcheol

pairing: seungcheol x reader

warnings: fluff, kissing, mentions of drinnking & alcohol, terms of endearment, established relationship

wordcount: 784

a/n: happy new year!

the air is still chilly and the weather cold, the winter quite not ready to say goodbye yet. it’s the first day of january, the first day of the new year and people are walking with an excited bounce. seungcheol had invited you over for dinner, saying he wanted to have a simple home date with you for the first day of the new year, so here you were, waiting for him to pick you up.

“seungcheol, where are you?”, you ask, your teeth slightly clattering in the unbearable cold.

“i’m on my way, i was- wait babe are you waiting for me outside?!”, he asks, and he doesn’t need to hear your reply to know the answer. “y-yes”, you say softly.

seungcheol was supposed to pick you up from the bus station, even though you could easily walk to his place, but he insisted, not wanting you to walk in the snow.

“i told you to wait in that café love”, he says and you can hear him shuffling around through the phone as he speaks. “i’m coming, go wait inside there”, he says before hanging up.

you’re sitting on the cold metal bench, as you bury your feet in the snow, trying to make a heart when you hear someone call out to you. “y/n”, he says, making you look up. “baby”, he says once he’s close enough. you stand up, happy to see him.

“fuck you’re freezing”, he adds, as he takes your hand and winces at how cold it is. he gives you a look of displeasure before digging his hands in his pockets and pulling out a hot pack, handing it over to you.

“why didn’t you wait inside”, he asks again. “i didn’t want to…it was so crowded…”, you trail off, hoping he’ll understand, and he does. “let’s warm you up hm, i don’t want you turning freezing or falling sick”, he tells as he removes his scarf and starts wrapping it around your neck.

"it's fine, you'll get cold then", you counter but he doesn't budge. "i don't want you falling sick or anything, who told you it was a good idea to wait out in freezing temperatures", he scolds you lightly. "i know...", you trail off, squeezing the hot pack between your palms as your try to warm up your frozen hands. "sorry", you mumble. "it's okay, im here now".

soon you’re in his apartment, the atmosphere inviting and warm. “are you okay? if you’re still cold i’ll make you a hot –“, “im okay cheol”, you say and he takes your hand and is relieved that it isn’t freezing anymore. “okay then, can you close your eyes for a second”, he asks, his thumb rubbing slow circles on your palm. “please” and so you do. you hear his feet shuffling and he asks you to open your eyes, and you see his holding out the prettiest bouquet of flowers.

you can’t help but smile at this sweet action. “what are these for?”, you ask, as you reach out to take the bouquet. “because it’s the first day of the new year and i just wanted to gift you something – something to celebrate us for the coming year”, he says sweetly.

“happy new year baby”, he adds with a smile, that dimple smile making your heart melt. “aww cheol, that’s so sweet”, you say as you open your arms to hug him and he wraps his arms around you, hugging you tight.

you pull away smiling as you smell the flowers, telling seungcheol that you were going to go find a vase but he doesn’t let you go. instead, he takes the flowers from you putting them on the table behind him before turning his attention back to you with a playful glint in his eyes.

“you know, we didn’t get to have a new years kiss last night…because someone fell asleep”, he says, teasing you. you roll your eyes. “i tried to stay awake okay, i might have had one too many shots. plus you were supposed to wake me when it hit midnight and you didn’t so it’s kind of your fault too”, you complain. “but you were sleeping so peacefully, didn’t wanna disturb you”, he mumbles as he leans in to kiss your cheek. “how about we make it up to each other now?”, he suggests, and you can feel the smirk on his lips as he pecks your cheek one more time, pulling you closer. you wrap your arms around his neck as you kiss his dimple, making him smile even more.

you lean in to close the gap between you both, kissing him. “happy new year cheol”, you whisper before he kisses you again.

taglist: @bearcoups @naaaaafla @slytherinshua @weird-bookworm @idubiluv @qaramu @n4mj00nvq @joshuaahong @strawberri-uyu @itsveronicaxxx @fallingforshua29 @frankenstein852 @lvlystars @mirxzii @wheeboo

[legally-allowed-to-slime]

slime slime slime im actually so not normal about this new ep of wild life like all of the gempearl interactions??? "on a scale of 1-10 how much do you love me?" "oh like 0" ???!?! and then pearl confronting gem about gem's grudge against her and gem admitting that its just for the drama (ok queen) and THEN gem cutting that part out of her vid??!? "can i get a taste of gem? just a little bite?" PEARLESCENTMOON. the way the most amicable conversations gempearl has had both involve gem asking pearl to go kill someone (first grian then scott?) and also gem basically taking advantage of pearl not being able to really say anything??? i was watching pearl's pov of her realising that they actually DONT understand her at all and then gem and joel basically convincing (i would even say manipulating) her to go kill scott and all i could think of is how scary that was and then gem going "you'd do anything for me right? yes yes i know" *vine boom* also gem pulling out the scott sided with me card is CRAZY geminitay i could kiss you. the way pearl has vocalised wanting to hurt gem but at the end of the day anytime she sees gem shes immediately a down bad pathetic mess of a person. head in hands i cannot with these two. why are they like this.

-🐫

GOOD i get a gempearl ask that gives me an excuse to talk about them.

this session was a lot to take in. not that i’m complaining but it’s a bit like a month-long drought and then suddenly your crops are watered but it might be acid rain. every time i think i’ve got that dynamic down pat and they go and screw it up the next session.

let’s take it chronologically. scott says he’ll let them go all in (again, you can’t enable someone when they haven’t done anything), and pearl says she wants to antagonise gem (and joel). which i found really odd considering she’s spent the last two sessions convincing scott that she isn’t trying to do that, but probably because she sees scott is chill with it now that she has the “permission” to do so.

the thing is, she doesn’t really do anything. she does try to set a creeper trap but i think? gives up. her definition of “antagonising” is just going to gem and being all 🥺🥺 gem please gem gem no please

ok then we get the convo. pearl walks up to gem and cheerfully asks “on a scale of one to ten, how much do you love me today? what’s the goal” and gem equally casually replies “oh, like zero”. which is crazy because first of all gem’s reply was really funny, but pearl knew she was setting herself up with that one. pearl knows gem doesn’t like her, and gem knows that pearl knows that. there’s a world of unsaid words here, where pearl’s trying to act like everything’s normal when both she and gem know that it’s not, and they know that the other also knows.

gem changes the subject to the trivia bot and they engage in normal conversation for a while. it’s small talk, basically, like how they would talk on hermitcraft. at some point gem remembers she’s supposed to hate pearl because she then says “it’s okay i got a lot of lives to spare unlike some people” which is a clear jab and we know pearl’s salty about it because she starts her episode off pointedly saying how green the rest of her team is. pearl picks up on this and goes full on sad pathetic mode she was so pathetic this session oh my god

gem defends herself saying “i’m not cranky”. realistically, this is because cc!gem doesn’t find it reasonable to hate pearl for SL, so she’s being truthful here. pearl shoots back that they could’ve been friends this whole time and gem shrugs it off.

crazy implications for their characters. gem doesn’t care. she just finds it funny to cause drama because she knows pearl will care, excessively. let’s not even talk about pearl’s experience with having allies who become enemies the next season. it’s gem explicitly playing with pearl’s emotions like this woman omg

uh. no comment on the “just a little bite” thing. ?? i don’t blame people who thought pearl was actually a lesbian

a little aside, gem helping scar kill cleo was really well pulled off. cleo was suspicious the whole time and stood on the bridge and refused to follow gem into the base which is what killed them in the end. gem and scar are truly SUCH an op duo, considering they’re both so good at murder and have off-the-charts charisma

anyway the scott conversation. woah woah woah. there’s a lot to unpack here. first of all, gem and joel utilise the fact that pearl’s loyalty to her team is pretty rocky. from pearl’s pov she’s just going “what??” and slowly realising they can’t understand her but this is very much a repeat of mumbo trying to convince pearl to betray her team. from gem’s pov she explains that scott sided with her and she even says something along the lines of “he made you apologise when you know you didn’t do anything”, which like i’ve said reveals that she knows exactly what scott is doing. also, reminds me of dl!cleo saying “i’m your replacement”, with the slight insinuation that maybe pearl should stop trying to get scott’s approval. or attention, more precisely.

my suspicion is that after the scott sacrifice, pearl will be closer with the other Gs, thus technically becoming less susceptible to gem’s words (which are correct but are very clearly pointed to try and get pearl to target someone else, namely scott). i feel like it’s just gem being really amused because pearl did express earlier in the episode that she wanted to make up, so gem’s sort of. holding the carrot out. we can have fun again (her use of the word “again” is insane). also go kill scott, not me. essentially toying with pearl’s emotions

ALSO this would be a good time to insert in my thoughts on scott/gem. they’re both aware of their social skills but gem, i think, is more conscious about it, and thus can use it more pointedly. which is why she can easily recognise that scott was screwing pearl over by convincing her to apologise. while scott approaches the social game as a means of survival, gem’s doing it for fun. i do think the way she giggles exactly the same way whether over a joke or after her base has just been burnt down by the person who she conspired to kill, is terrifying and i think there’s a lot of potential in that. most strikingly, when she stops laughing during the SL finale.

gem does tell pearl, while pearl’s making confused robot noises, that they can “finally have a discussion about our drama”. which. well. do i need to elaborate. just her cheerfully implying that pearl talks back too much. i live for her toxic arc. i think cc!gem would absolutely thrive roleplaying being really toxic to pearl. i feel cc!pearl would also benefit they kind of need that for the character development and the conversations on hermitcraft would be hilarious

they want each other so baddd oh my god make out already

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

NGL I’m disappointed that the scene between Husk and Angel in Episode 6 was just Husk yelling and indirectly shaming Angel Dust for relapsing. Out of all the characters who can relate and empathize with Angel on addiction, it’s him. They could have had a genuine heart to heart conversation about relapsing and addiction where Husk allow himself to be vulnerable with Angel, recounting all the memories where his addiction ruined his life. At the Husk tell Angel while relapsing is normal, it isn’t healthy, he needs to start finding alternatives so he doesn’t resort to drugs first, and if he need someone to talk to, he is alway here for him as he doesn’t want Angel to become just like him.

His dialogue sounded like it came from a character who is ignorant about addiction, like Charlie or Vicky, not Husk. Husk would never say, ”Look, you want to fuck up all your progress? Be my guest! I just thought you were better than this.” Because he would know from being an alcoholic, how terrible and invaliding those words are.

YES! I am very upset about this as well. While it certainly isn’t the most aggressive reprimand for relapsing I’ve seen it definitely wasn’t great either. I think a “Are you really sure you want to be doing that?” would’ve been better or even just Husk giving him a stern look.

[Brief intermission of me opening up the episode again for review]

Okay. I have words.

So. The way Husk says the line you mentioned to Angel, I can see where he’s coming from, but considering the fact Angel just complained about having a genuinely dangerous day at work, I think Husk giving a look like I mentioned would be the best course of action. That or like “Just try not to.” Now real quick as someone thats struggled with addiction, words like that really don’t/didn’t have much of an impact on me but—as cheesy as it is—the thought counts. I suppose I can understand maybe Husk said that because he might’ve been projecting or something?? I don’t know really, but it just like. Angel doesn’t seem too bothered by it but you can tell Husk’s words don’t exactly help much.

I think your idea of a heart to heart would’ve been really great actually. A scene of Husk pulling Angel aside for a talk would give some reason as to why Angel starts behaving so randomly nice in the rest of the episode. I wouldn’t mind Husk being a little aggressive about it as long as it didn’t end with him shaming Angel for it. Like maybe he gets a bit heated and then apologises and they talk things out civilly.

Im also a bit confused on the direction of the relapsing in question because we can see that Husk is clearly against Angel doing drugs, but with shots he doesn’t seem to care at all and even downs two at the same time himself so I guess maybe that can be attributed to Husk not seeing alcohol as an issue, but again I dunno. It’s really strange how they portray everything in this episode.

End of the line, this is more of Vivzie being confused about her own story it seems.

[raccoonfallsharder]

i like to imagine that if one were to give Rocket a sudoku or crosswords puzzle, he can fill them all out at an unbelievable rate. like, you'd introduce him to the concept of sudoku, how each row and each column and each 3×3 grid should have nine distinct and non-repeating numerical digits–

but you haven't finished explaining the rules and Rocket's already filling out the empty boxes with his pencil like ticking off items on a laundry list. not a minute later, it's solved. he then gets confused at your jaw dropping while showing you the filled-out paper puzzle.

"what? you're- you just, fill out the thing with numbers, right? what's so surprising?"

i love this! im sorry i didn’t see this ask sooner but YES. thank you so much for this PERFECT mental image lol. i am actually working on a oneshot that’s not about this EXACTLY but is about rocket’s brain in relation to some of these things lol. the way he sees shit.

sudoku, i think, is easy for him. you explain the rules once and he just looks at the grid and he knows where everything goes. it’s like looking at a bomb or a gun. all the pieces have a home — it only takes one glance with soft eyes to see where each thing fits.

word searches, too. once he knows what a word is supposed to look like, he can take in a box of letters with that same glance and be like — oh, there’s fifteen words. sometimes he finds words that aren’t even intentionally included.

the trick with both these puzzles is that rocket does not get caught up in the sequence of things. he doesn’t go line-by-line or letter-by-letter. he has a more holistic way of understanding things — a big-picture kind of guy. looks at them and says “this is where the thing fits.”

now, crossword puzzles? those i’m less sure of. i think rocket would be the type to be annoyed by “bad clues.” his vocabulistics ain’t always standard, so to speak, and i bet he sometimes makes up words. plus, having to remember how they’re supposed to be spelled? that’s a problem. sometimes the clue will be like “more yellow than blue; a French liqueur” and instead of writing in “chartreuse” rocket is like “greeeeeeen” because why the fuck not, this game is stupid. he finishes in record time but when you look at it, most of the answers are like… only sorta-conceptually-correct? and usually with creative spellings? occasionally he’ll throw in a cluster of letters in kree?

“so i can see you answered this column with crow but you used a character i don’t recognize for the w and it’s overlapping with the g in lasagna. and uhm neither of those are technically right.”

“yeah in shi’ar that letter makes a sound like wuh or guh. little further back in the throat though.”

“uh huh. but this is, uhm, a US-english crossword.”

“so?”

“…good talk.”

now maybe when he’s a little older, and the Star Kids have grown up and have Star Kids of their own, and Old Man Rocket is sitting outside a cantina on Knowhere making origami versions of cosmo for them — maybe in between he pulls out the giant book of puzzles pete sent him for christmas last year. adjusts his reading glasses and strokes a claw over his grizzled whiskers. the kids come up and ask him what he’s working on today and he shows them and teaches them how to do each one.

“this one you can’t repeat any numbers.”

“that seems hard.”

“nah, it’ll be easy for you. you’re almost as much of a genius as me. now, this one you gotta find these words in this graph.”

“okay. i think i like this better. what about that one?”

“ah, i used to hate those ones but now they’re my favorite.”

“yeah?”

“yeah. for these ones, you just make shit up, and you bend all the rules till your answer works.”

[misfithive]

Omg yessss someone who finally understands what it feels like 😭😭

I’m so tired of people always saying “this isn’t hs, this is a DrAmA series, what do you expect?” in that condescending tone that is used to make you look stupid, acting like we didn’t watch s1 and even with THAT finale, it made us stay and continue it. Bc s1 was balanced. Yes, very bad things happened but there were also calm and nice moments. And throughout the seasons the angst got more and more and the fluff got less and less. Excuse me if I’d like to see them happy for once especially since this is the very last season and what we got is that Simon is very sad, Wilhelm is losing his damn mind over and over again and two cute moments out of a thousand intense/angsty. It’s exhausting and it doesn’t make me excited to watch it. I don’t even rewatch s2 fully bc it’s too much, I’m scared I won’t be able to enjoy this one either…

Tbh idk how people can be so happy about seeing them once again go through hell, but maybe that’s me.

You know what months ago i probably would have tried to make u feel better and say that it’s probably gonna be nice moments in there as thats what i was telling myself for the past year that they are boyfriends now so they wont be fighting as bad but i did not know that there was a fate worse than fighting lmfao like i cannot get over the rock thru his window thats so traumatic. And “love isnt supposed to be this hard” LISA WHAT THE FUCK WHY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I need to see them happy and smiling and joking together bc if we dont see it we will never see it i feel like thats what the added pressure is. And the logical side of my brain is like well they will be joking around together at the palace from that teaser but then i’m like okay but then august ruins it and Wille is upset again at the meeting so idk im also finding it a bit exhausting. Its legit whiplash i was so happy to see them happy in the stills then that trailer came out of nowhere crushing my soul i think i just wasnt expecting it to be that intense i thought that one moment in the uniforms would be like the height of it.

I’m mostly scared bcs im serious that trailer really fucked me up and i want to be able to enjoy the season im scared its going to be too intense or trigger me in some way when all i wanted was to see them happy for more than 5 minutes. i dont want somber yes we are so in love but our lives are miserable. I genuinely need to see them LAUGHING AND HAPPY BCS THEY ARE 16 and this is so legitimately unfair 😭😭😭😭😭☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

[bloogers-boogers]

College AU hc:

Cartman is asexual and sex repulsed. He has a huge crush on Kyle that's pretty obvious to everyone around him. Kyle assumes that Cartman is just lusting after him and wants sex from him, but it's far from the truth. Ah yes, Cartman's homoerotic fantasy: holding hands, cuddling and hugs, how kinky lol.

I can see that, with how much it’s implied that Cartman’s has been sexually abused in the show he’ll probably prefer to stay away from anything related to intercourse. And of course eventually Kyle has to learn to be understanding of Cartman’s preferences. Tho I feel there’s gonna be alot of complications in their relationship because of this same issue but they’ll manage to overcome it after a brief time.

However I also see Kyle just cuddling Cartman after a huge fight they had because of this.

I see Cartman still not telling Kyle of being asexual just admitting his sex repulse but is never taken seriously because he tends to joke about it instead.

They were in middle of a makeout session while in bed and Kyle got turned on and just flipped Cartman over outta pure lust; he wasn’t being harsh but it was obvious what was on his mind as he plant small kisses on Cartman’s ears while grabbing his waist, in Kyles mind he was being sweet and romantic but ofcourse Cartman did not react well to it and kicked Kyle off shouting profanities at him as the shouting escalated.

“¡I get you want my hot body so damn much but that doesn’t give you the right to manhandle me!”

“¡I’m sorry, Cartman! I- I dont know what happened in me but I would have never gone further from that!”

“U huh, but you couldn’t just NOT flipped me over?? How the fuck am I suppose to trust you if you do shit like that!???”

“¡Fuck you, Eric! If you really see me capable of doing the shit those pigs did to you as a kid!”

*complete silence*

“You think…”

“What else do you expect me to believe? After you keep reacting like I’m about to rape you!”

“Kyle…” Cartman bites his down lip, he sighed defeated calming himself down as he rubs his face, “Kyle i don’t- I know you would never.. I- look, im sorry okay? I just.. don’t feel like going to that length.”

“Why not!? You keep dogging it and not explaining me why! Am I not good enough? Cause by this point I believe you find me disgusting.”

Cartman stares at Kyle in awe before walking towards him and holding on to his flushed cheeks, “Kyle I think you’re the most beautiful man out there..”

Cartman can hear Kyle gulp as he stares at him deeply into his eyes; listening to him attentively.

“I just don’t want to have sex, I find it disgusting.” He moves away, now arms crossed facing away from Kyle. “The act of two individuals taking off their clothes, rubbing against each other for fricción and some humping to gain pleasure .. I find it not only a humiliating display but a desperate act of attention.

When the most pleasurable thing you could receive is some warm hugs, kisses and hand holding. Isn’t that enough to please someone at whole? It’s enough for me.” He turns to look at Kyle; who now looks very confused. Cartman groaned annoyed, rolling his eyes, “Kyle I’m asexual you dumbass!”

“YOU’RE WHAT”

[tstwitterupdates]

I feel like (imo from being a creative and having life get in the way) Thomas plotted out s2 and how it was supposed to go a long time ago and then his whole fricken world changed. Cause like, first it was the production company, then Joan and Talyn, then several health scares, then a relationship and a breakup, and, obviously, and entire pandemic and a hurricane ruining part of his studio. And that's just the stuff externally. So I get why it's taking so long, cause he wants to make it perfect, and he can't change his plans for s2 at this point, because it will ruin basically everything. Plus, with Into the Unknown and the among us videos, right, it's clear he's trying his best to put content out there. So I can understand where he is.

I think I'm just frustrated because I miss when we had stuff like Thomas and Friends content, like Real or Fake Anime or Joystick Joyride and stuff. I feel like the Sides/Cartoon Therapy wait would be less painful if we were getting a bit more content on that end, you know? Cause while it's been a long time, I still feel like it would've mitigated the pain seeing him a little more frequently. Plus, I think Roleslaying would feel less odd if there was other content going out around as often as the once-a-week uploads for a month or so, rather than it being basically all the content we see from him, now.

I know Thomas is also getting to a better place with bulk recording an the like, and I'm genuinely still excited to see what's coming up. It just sometimes feels like Thomas is hyperfocusing on the big projects, and not letting himself enjoy the stuff that makes the bigger projects feel more substantial, if that makes sense.

i kinda agree im not sure i haven’t made up my mind on this. i liked the videos with his friends before but they’ve also gotten so extra that i no longer watch them either, im now one of those fans just waiting for sanders sides. but i do wish he would make simpler fun things either small sanders sides episodes or small vlogs. i miss his vlogs. but mostly because of nostalgia, those things made me company through the worst years of high school lol. anyway getting off topic.

i do think thomas is trying his best, i do not doubt that in the slightest. but even when you try your best if you don’t have a good strategy the results might not be the best. but i dont know what their strategy is so i can’t judge i guess.

more asks and replies under the cut

yeah like. they pushed the limits of what they could do with what they had back since accepting anxiety. and then they got better equipment and staff and stuff and instead of saying “now we can do the same things in less time and with less effort” they went “now we can do even bigger things that push our limits just as much!”

which is their decision to make not mine but i assume that’s where some of that stress might be coming from.

yes i agree with all of this. there’s some blogs that have posted criticism or defenses against criticism that i just find incredibly mean spirited or that make good points but phrase it in aggressive ways i don’t like.

i think whichever opinion you have it’s best to be open minded. acknowledge our own feelings and talk about them without attacking anyone. it’s okay to feel frustrated and angry and then we’re responsible about what we do with those emotions. and i think it’s cool to talk about them with other fanders that have felt the same. just stay open minded about what others have to say and then make up your mind about how much you agree or disagree.

and keep in mind that we know nothing about how thomas and co work. on both sides. like you cant claim their workflow is perfect nor claim it’s horrible because we just don’t know. but we can say we’re feeling disappointed or bored or annoyed or whatever because those are our own feelings.

yeah again this is my blog and i post what i want. and im doing my job by tagging and warning them.

and also thomas is a grown man in his thirties who has been a social media personality for, what? maybe almost a decade? im sure he knows how to be responsible about it and not go digging to read criticism of his work to get hurt by it. or at least i hope so. if he doesn’t then that’s out of my hands as well. and the hundreds of people supporting him on the replies of all his tweets more than make up for a handful of blogs that make angry posts every once in a while.

yes that’s understandable. but i still don’t know. if thomas has these personal problems that are so serious that they cause his content to come sooo slowly and still cause him to have this much stress then he should probably just take a huge actual break. and let us know about it. without necessarily telling us the reason of course.

if after Putting Others First or the last Asides he had said “hey im going on a hiatus for big projects like sanders sides and cartoon therapy while i figure stuff out, but i’ll film x kind of content because it requires less effort and i enjoy it” or even that the entire channel is going on hiatus, and then he came back like a year later and said “okay we’re back first thing we’re doing is writing the finale script!” or whatever then that would have been less frustrating than this. even if it had taken the same 3 years. because at least afterwards you know that he’s better and the wait would be worth it. at least that’s my opinion.

[tadpolesonalgae]

WEEWOO, CC, ACOTAR, AND TOG SPOILERS AHEAD as well as my own lighthearted opinions/ theories on sjm's work<3

ab what the other anon said, i also remember moriel being pretty big. there were a lot of really good theories and fanart at the time and sjm was leaving lil breadcrumbs in interviews that people were excited about if i remember correctly too.

but around that time a lot of authors, directors, etc started getting an increasing amount of backlash about the representation or lack thereof in their work, and sjm was one of them. so i think that influenced the hasty switch in mor :( which unfortunately led to me personally not enjoying it as much. as a queer woman who dates people regardless of gender it just fell really flat to me, which really sucked because i loved mor and i was super invested in her character at the time.

which isnt to say that i dont enjoy these characters, this is still a series i really enjoy reading even if i dont love it as much as tog or cc 😂

and now, about cc hehe, i read somewhere there were supposed to be 4 books, one for each house. And Sjm's confirmed the fourth book but hasnt said whether there will be more or not. Im curious to see what the plan is now that the asteri are dead tho, because i thought they would be the main antagonist of the series so maybe she'll introduce another?

and i totally agree with your criticisms ab cc as well. The lil crossover nuggets we got with aelin being the red comet (headcanon that her court would laugh a lil knowing that she was considered a bad omen in another world lol), the books, etc. But I honestly didn't expect to get a crossover from CC into acotar, i thought it would be more fun for acotar and tog to clash. (let aelin into helion's libraries i BEG of u sjm pls 🙏🙏)

(not to mention the crack theory that maybe maeve is why daemati exist, that maybe millenia ago she or other valg were in prythian?? the powers are described similarly in dorian's povs i cant even lie 😭)

PS sorry if my last post came off a lil mean ab acotar 😭 i reread it and was like why did i word it like that and felt a lil bad but shhhh we can pretend that didnt happen

PPS god yes lorcan showed elide everything and sjm really showed us nothing. i hope lucien makes up for it otherwise i think im gonna start gnawing at the bars of my enclosure.

PPPS elide, helion, cbmthy crackship? i dont think lorcan would be into it if helion was there 😂 (he doesnt seem like the type to share nicely)

-🤠

Warnings: a plenty lot of spoilers for CC, acotar, and ToG!

‘but around that time a lot of authors, directors, etc started getting an increasing amount of backlash about the representation or lack thereof in their work, and sjm was one of them.’

I think I’m glad I read acotar after that 🫤

It’s kind of lame if miss Maas did sprinkle in hints for Moriel and then suddenly changed it? Obviously someone will probably have a different stance on this to me, but personally I think if you have an actual story to tell, yes representation would be lovely just because I think if it’s done well it can be such a great way to nourish a story and add depth to it, but if it would conflict with the immersion and detail you already have in your story then I don’t think it’s necessary? I think ultimately I am happy Mor was written to like males and females, but I can understand the frustration if miss Maas was hinting at a pairing and then double back on it that would be so irritating :/

‘Im curious to see what the plan is now that the asteri are dead tho, because i thought they would be the main antagonist of the series so maybe she'll introduce another?’

I still haven’t finished CC3 but I have to agree with you because they seemed like such great antagonists??? They actually end up dead?? Okay I might actually finish the book now to find out how because I 100% thought they would be the main villains because, to be fair, they were excellently terrifying 😭 I think miss Maas did do an amazing job on coming up with creatures so obviously more powerful than the fae?

Although now the asteri are dead, it feels like if CC4 does some out it will either be a case of ‘oh, one survived’ or ‘they came back from the dead’ or she’ll just invent a new scare but either of those feels like it would be insincere and not thought out very well? I guess unless Maeve or Erawan somehow got shoved into the CC universe? that might be kind of cool? But I think if that was the case i’d want Maeve or Erawan to win 🫢 just for funsies and chaos 🫢

‘ i thought it would be more fun for acotar and tog to clash. (let aelin into helion's libraries i BEG of u sjm pls 🙏🙏)’

Oh my gosh yes that crossover would have been so amazing I would have loved to see that! Well, I would have loved to see them getting along with one another—I wouldn’t be able to read a crossover if they were fighting 😭

‘(not to mention the crack theory that maybe maeve is why daemati exist, that maybe millenia ago she or other valg were in prythian?? the powers are described similarly in dorian's povs i cant even lie 😭)’

Oh I’ve seen some stuff about Maeve and the Valg, like how her mind reading powers are described, and I think her eyes were supposed to be kind of similar to Rhys’? To be fair I’d be quite like for that plot line to be explored, it’s doesn’t sound as implausible as some other theories I’ve heard so I think it would be quite cool? Though I don’t know what effect it would have on the story?

‘PS sorry if my last post came off a lil mean ab acotar 😭 i reread it and was like why did i word it like that and felt a lil bad but shhhh we can pretend that didnt happen’

Babes don’t worry I literally didn’t think any of it was rude at all!

‘PPPS elide, helion, cbmthy crackship? i dont think lorcan would be into it if helion was there 😂 (he doesnt seem like the type to share nicely)’

I could imagine Helion pestering Lorcan though 😭 I think reader and Elide would get along so well oh my gosh I want to hug Elide so badly you don’t understand she’s definitely one of my favourite characters in ToG ☹️🫂

[milkstoner]

Thoughts of DILF, middle aged Sebek? Since you did Silver the duo has to be complete, haha. I personally feel like he would be more of a refined, fancy old guy, maybe even embracing his human and academic side more with age? I like to think he laughs more since toboso described him as being similar to a puppy in the art book🥰 but I’d like to get your thoughts if you have the time, thank you :D

okay there’s mallesebemalle in this im sorry

Without even thinking hard about it… WOULD.

Now that this is out of the way, I need a DILF Sebe. I think he inherits half of a fey’s lifespan, so by the time Silver is 45-50 Sebek still looks quite young. Silver won’t be there to see how gracefully Sebek ages.

It’s around like, halfway through his life (i won’t give a year bc I have no idea how long the Zigvolts live lol) that he’ll need reading glasses… hot. Also, he smells so good oh my goodness. An old DILF that wears an exquisite expensive cologne yes please. Even after all those years, he takes great care of himself. Grooms himself regularly… shaves his facial hair… he’s so sexy. Still slicks back his hair, all that stuff… except he’s old now… yum

He has a loud booming laugh!!! It makes you all warm inside. His crows feet creasing when he laugh oh my … and he routinely slaps his men on the back as a friendly gesture but omg it actually hurts a lot. He’s friendly and such a sweet mentor and father figure, but when things get serious my god he gets intimidating. Strict with his men. Punishes the troublemakers with Lilia-style training. Basically, PE teacher energy. Provides surface-level emotional support, but you can tell he cares and he can tell when you don’t feel so well, so it warms you up still. Dad jokes. DAD JOKES. Not funny, super embarrassing , actually very charming. Hi gay, I’m Sebek Zigvolt LIKE SHUT UPPPPP.

Patriotic, takes pride in his fey and human sides!!! Proud of himself for going up the ranks as a half fey. His humanity is actually very attractive to the gay boys under him zhfhdgfj. Anyway, he learned to find strength in his humanity—I mean that he can somewhat predict/understand the motivations etc of a human enemy, moreso than a full fey. but! His race makes him unique and valuable to have within the ranks.

He’s all grown and he’s actually as tall as Malleus. He drinks scotch, certified dilf drink, and malleus drinks straight absinthe. (Shakily holds my mic) do we want to see dilf Sebe fuck Malleus? I’m. Oh. I’m a top Malleus girlie. Oh my. Okay, they switch. I’m sorry Malleus… oh my god Malleus I’m sorry. It’s just something irresistible about a dilf fucking a younger looking man. Malleus seeing just how much Sebek has grown, how strong he is, how casual, how sweet he is… hey Sebek is supposed to protect Malleus, and there is something submissive in being protected, right? I think I do like sebemallesebe better if Sebe is middle aged because the potential for char dev and Sebek finally loosening up and having a somewhat healthy but scandalous sexual relationship with his king is so enticing. I cannot picture our current Sebek even daring to kiss Malleus, but give him some experience and just a bit of flirting from Malleus and he’ll have no qualms about climbing into the king’s bed. Can’t deny the king!! He wouldn’t dare! He’ll be really caring with Malleus you know, until he realizes he’s inside of him and his heart starts palpitating. The passionate kisses, oh my… he’ll give his all to make Malleus feel good… like to the point of overstimulation, and that’s a lot. Malleus has to grip Sebek’s head when he comes for the umpteenth time because my, general (!!!) Zigvolt, you’re enjoying this a bit much… before savagely kissing him hmhm

The opposite dynamic is so sexy too. I want Malleus to fuck that old man into the mattress. I want them both covered in the other’s seed. I want them to fuck each other for hours. Sebek’s deep hoarse groans into the sheets please…….. I’m sorry. Both of them are such refined, sophisticated old men… I want to see them lost in desire to the point they get so dirty… OLD MAN YAOI😭😭😭😭💜💜💜💜💜💜 passionately making out in candlelight, between the shelves in the library… somebody will smell a different cologne on Malleus…

[luffythinker]

OH since we are sending fics can i show you my Naruto fic?? Im Zeroswaifu on Ao3 i was thinking about putting this in my main Shikanaru fic somewhere tell me what you think!

this is LEE-NEJI my babes

Admitting to Lee that he somehow burrowed his way into his formerly stoned heart turn flesh and blood, by none other than a certain hyperactive knucklehead was going to be harder than he expected at first glance. Neji knew this, he knew this before he even thought about putting his feelings into words. The deed has already been done, he'd already asked him if it’s okay to ask him a question, to which he agreed unknowingly what it was going to be. He cannot go back now. Neji he takes a deep breath the world isn't ending this is not the end. "Do you.. want to go out?" Lee blinks at him tilting his head a little. “Of course Neji I we can go out, you do not have to be afraid to ask me that.” This was easier than he initially thought it would be almost too easy. “Lee do you understand what i am asking you?” “Yes, it is a very simple question. You are asking me if i want to engage in training outdoors are you not?” Neji’s shoulders sag in despondency. It was as he suspected. “No i mean go out with me like on a date.” “You mean like rivals?” Bless his foolish heart it’s only because of their childish sensei he’s like this. “Explain.” Lee crosses his arms in thought. “Not like rivals, just two people who want to get to know each other better.” “What more is there for me to know? I know everything about you Neji.” Apparently not. “You don’t want to train? You want to just relax?” For him not to understand what he was hinting at this whole time was beyond Neji. However he couldn’t or rather he wouldn’t blame the poor thing for not knowing. The majority of their former classmates thought him an oddity among shinobi because of his unorthodox behavior. The near ability to replicate their senseis idiotic personality to a tee. Not to mention his inability to do any other jutsu except taijutsu. Neji digressed. He'd have to stop being subtle with him and try a more direct approach. “Lee, I want to go on a  date with you. Do you know what a date is?” “I know I am slow at some things but do not think of me as someone who doesn’t because I do.” There was uncertainty in his tone. “G-guy sensei and Kakashi go on dates all the time so of course i know.” Neji narrows his eyes. “I mean.. Yes they do, that's one example of what dating could be i suppose..” An unappealing one at that. “It’s not the kind of date I was expecting from you and I. I wanted us dating to be,” He clears his throat. “Different.” He feels the urge to fix his hair even though he brushed it thoroughly this morning. Nothing is wrong with it, he just wants to hide in it because now that he’s getting to the point it’s becoming somewhat of intimidation to look Lee in the eyes and he wants to back down. Neji Hyuga doesn’t back down from anything ever. Period. This is a thing and he isn’t about to back down. “Different how?” He’s left him waiting for too long. It's time to take a plunge. “Let me take you on a real date, please” He almost forgets to add "please." please is polite. Lee frowns. “I am actually busy today. I have to do one hundred loops around the village because I failed to do fifty jumping jacks while going up stairs. However if you were to accompany me would that count as a date? ” The idea of becoming sweaty and dying under the sun was repulsive to Neji BUT taking a walk with Lee did count as a date in his book sooo- “I accept. But can we take it down a few notches to just taking a walk in the forest?” He would make an exception for Lee and Lee only.

hiiii anon, glad to see you back!!

"engage in training outdoors" KJCDKJDKDJF WELL... NOT QUITE LEE

i love this anon, i really do!!

this pairing is so fun to me, because both of them don't have normal social skills and neji is trying his best but lee is so clueless about everything, it's fun to see them trying to find their footing in the world of dating

i think this is very well written btw!!

[bratz-kitten]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS [part 5]

— people with jupiter in the 8th may experience an “abundance” of traumatic experiences throughout life, often relating to death; these are the people who truly feel like everyone they love ends up dying. at their worst, they can become desensitized to death— jupiter is ruled by sagittarius, a sign known for being in denial when in difficult situations in favor of optimism. these natives can pretend like nothing actually happened, or minimize the situation in their head so that they don’t have to face it.

— okay this might be a weird one... like, you know in asoiaf when arya was walking through the streets and was always like “i’m as quiet as a shadow”? that’s literally the energy of someone with planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house. these people are so stealthy. they’re able to move so quietly and without anyone noticing, both literally and figuratively. on one hand, they’re very quiet about their plans and ambitions to the point where other people only find out when they’re achieving success over it; on the other hand, they just. don’t like making noise while walking idk bitch you’ll only see me coming when i’m right beside you, i even get paranoid that i’m breathing too loud and that other people will hear 

— people with moon aspecting mars can be incredibly impulsive when they feel hurt or triggered. yall need to be careful with doing things in the heat of the moment that you know you’ll regret later... but in the moment, you feel so hurt that it clouds your rational side. please be more self-aware about this because you may make decisions that will directly affect you for the worse in the future 

— people with leo mars ft. constantly asking you for pictures... about anything. they just wanna SEE LMFAO THEY DON’T CARE WHAT IT IS THEY’RE SEEING. you just got ready to go out? “send pics of your makeup and your full outfit”. you’re waiting in a long boring line to get the covid vaccine? “send pics of the line”. your mom baked cake? “send pics of the cake”. plus they send so many random pictures while texting, it’s their special love language

— having moon conjunct moon/venus in synastry feels insane. you tell them something you’ve been through, and they’re immediately like “that happened with me as well.” it doesn’t even have to be something grand, sometimes just very specific things you thought were particular about you. the amount of understanding that comes with this aspect in synastry can feel very new and intense especially if you’re used to seeing yourself as the “odd one out”, used to feeling isolated in your experiences 

— people with pluto in the 1st house often feel the need to erase “traces” of their existence, for example deleting messages that they sent people, deleting all of their social media posts. they can feel anxious and paranoid about other people having access to their past self, even if the past self in question is from, like. a week ago 

— people with chiron in the water houses (4th/8th/12th) might’ve suffered bullying to the point where they repress their memories. a lot of their memories of their school years may feel foggy if they were bullied in those years

— also. people with chiron in the 8th house may feel as though they’ve been punished for wanting to experience intimacy. it’s like, the people who were supposed to be the closest to them – for example, their sibling or something – were the ones who hurt them the most. 

— people with mercury-neptune aspects and strong pisces/neptune energy in their birth chart might struggle with only remembering things when they’re right in front of them. you should keep things in your peripheral vision to remind you of reality, especially when it comes to feelings— so that you won’t start getting lost inside your own head. like... keep the letters your friends wrote you by your bedside table so you can read them every time your brain starts convincing you that you’re not loved. keep the gifts you’ve been sent on display in your bedroom wall, or sentimental material things that remind you of past happy experiences.

— earth placements and their thing for asmr... omfg. it’s like they’re always looking for things to up their sensory experience/sensitivity. like, earth signs are the ones most connected to worldly experiences so they feel so soothed with the whole asmr experience: just hearing someone gently whispering or tapping on/scratching things calms them down and helps them fall asleep. they love the tingles it’s heaven for them

— moon-saturn aspects might hold and caress themselves while they sleep because their parents never did. yes i woke up and chose violence <3 your secret is NOT safe with me 💋

— while we’re on the topic of sleeping, a majority of the pisces moons i know need to sleep while hugging something, at least a pillow. they can’t just not hug something while they sleep, it’s very instinctive for them. anyways if any pisces moon needs a pillow to hold, i volunteer as tribute 💋

— virgo placements feel sososo soothed by hearing their cats purr. thinking about how my virgo placement friends are always the ones who send me videos of them petting their cats... and then i get soothed by how soothed they feel. it’s a win win situation, if you have virgo placements it’s hereby your duty to send me a video of you petting your cat while they purr. right now. GO

— people with gemini in the 3rd house might have shaky movements of the hands when other people look at them doing things. very specific i know but the third house rules hands and gemini is a sign that has somewhat of an anxious, twitchy quality to it. on the other hand, people with capricorn in the 3rd house (scorpio risings, using whole signs) have the steadiest hands i’ve ever seen lol their movements ooze confidence, these bitches know how to make you feel as thought they know exactly what they’re doing

— people with venus in the 1st house ft. altering their pics with photoshop and hating posting selfies without filters because they never feel like their appearance is good enough. stop it. you don’t need to always look your best and especially not if your ‘best’ isn’t even what you actually look like. also... don’t even think about making self-deprecative jokes about your appearance. next time i find one of yall saying “ahaha im not bad for a 5 without talent” i’m squishing your head between 2 pieces of toast and calling you an idiot sandwich. you’re BEAUTIFUL 

— having venus in the 3rd house in composite with someone? do you mean calling each other the absolute ugliest nicknames in the most endearing way? 

— leo deals with themes of the ego, and it seems that leo placements often struggle with attracting narcissistic people into their life... leo suns/mercuries can be raised by loud, overbearing, narcissistic parents who see their kid as an extension of themselves and who teach the kid to always be very supportive and caring towards them or else they’ll deny them of words of affirmation-- either by insulting them to shatter their self-esteem or simply never complimenting the kid back. leo moons/mars/venus tend to attract narcissistic partners who only care about serving their own emotional needs and ignore the ones of their partner, and who feed off of their supportive and giving nature. which is why leo placements really need to watch out for being gullible, naïve and dismissing the red flags because my god, you be falling for some shady people. 

— people with personal planets in the 12th house/chart ruler in the 12th house might feel like they can’t let go of their past life— they may dream of memories, people or places from another life. it’s like they can’t detach from it, and even if they can’t directly remember their past life, it’s like they feel it in their bones. also, they might’ve felt... estranged from their family ever since childhood; there may have been feelings of being unable to emotionally connect to their (often, distant) parents, and they might’ve even wondered if they were adopted because of how different they felt to the rest of the family. 

— okay so, a thing that people with saturn in the 3rd house need to look out for is mentally checking out of conversations while they’re still happening. these people can detect when they’re being manipulated really fast and their way of dealing with it can be to immediately shut down, to grow cold and silent and not even bother answering when you’re expected to respond. and, like, that’s great when someone starts screaming at you or being insulting/trying to coerce you into shit, but take notice if you find yourself shutting your loved ones out as soon as they say anything that triggers you. don’t simply detach from them, communicate what’s wrong

— aries placements, ESPECIALLY aries suns and moons, value generosity so much and they get so turned off by stingy ppl who don’t share with others, especially when others need it. like.. if you’re hanging out in a group with them and someone asks for a bite of your food because they have no money and you say no... espect them to never respect you. ever. 

— people with libra placements use soooo many adjectives to describe things. something can’t just be beautiful, it has to be DIVINE and CELESTIAL and INTOXICATING. they can be so expressive god it’s so fcking funny 

— capricorn placements HATE asking others for advice because they think no one knows better than them (and they’re not wrong, lol). when they truly care for someone, they might ask the person for advice simply as a sign that they respect, trust and value their judgement. even if they don’t plan on taking it LMFAO 

— people with mars in a water sign can have this terrible habit of expecting other people to guess what they want. and then they get passive agressive when you don’t instinctively feel what it is they want... and when you ask them “do you want this?”, they go like “FINALLY. i thought you’d never get there”. stop it. i know that you want people to understand you in a way that transcends words, but you can’t expect people to read your mind and then get disappointed when they don’t, thinking “oh if they loved me that much then they would’ve known that i really want chipotle for dinner :(” GIRL WHAT. COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS  

[xoxo-teddybear]

Hey! I don’t know if you’re still taking requests or not but I saw your “Pregnant?” prank and i started thinking ab those pranks on tiktok where the girlfriend is on the phone while her boyfriend is in the car and says something like “Yeah I’m in the car with my hubby” or something along the lines and I thought it might be an interesting thing for you to write?

don’t feel pressured to do it! I’m sure you have a ton of requests already! I just thought it might be fun to do if you enjoyed writing the pregnant prank one 😊

anyways! have a wonderful day/evening (whichever one applies) hope this doesn’t stress you out!

My god I love this cute shit! MIND YOU, REQUESTS ARENT OPEN…but I do be taking some every now and then when I loveee the ideas, so here we go

He My Husband - Bakugou Katsuki

Warnings: FLUFF, cursing (it wouldn’t be a Bakugou fic without it ;), crack

Summary: you call your boyfriend your husband…this is his reaction

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

You and Bakugou were sitting in the car together, waiting for you to be done with a call from your manager.

Katsuki’s been a little grouchy ever since the start of the call. This was supposed to be a date but because of your hero careers, something always has to intervene. He sat in the drivers seat with his arm resting on the side door as he allowed his head to sit in his hand. His leg was bouncing in annoyance with your mandatory call and you noticed your boyfriend’s sour mood.

Seeing him being so down, you decided to up his spirits a bit very subtly. I mean, you guys have been together for years. You should know how to make him smile. And for sure, you definitely did.

“Yes..yes I understand,” you said with your phone pressed to your ear. “Okay..thank you…yes, thank you. Alright, yes I will speak with my husband on the matter…”

Hearing those words, Katsuki raised his head and looked towards you with wide eyes as the voice in his head was glitching in utter shock. ‘Uh- did she just- no fucking way!’

Bakugou began to smile like crazy as he gave short laughs and began jumping in his seat. He was running his hands through his hair while his cheeks were beginning to ache from smiling so damn much but he didn’t give a fuck. You just called him your husband!

“Babe!” He whisper-yelled trying to get your attention as he patted your arm. “Babe! Baby, get off the phone!”

“Suki! Just a minute!” You laughed as you whispered back, trying to hide the conversation from your manager. Bakugou shook his head as he took your phone out of your hand.

“No- no we’re not doing this,” he said and shook his head with a smile as he looked at your screen before putting the phone to his ear. “Sorry, she’ll call you back later.”

With that he hung up the phone and gave the device back to you. You took it with a laugh before looking at him with a pout. “Babe-“

“You called me your husband!” He said with a wide smile.

“Yeah?” You said as you looked at him with a confused look as if this was known information. Bakugou threw his head back before opening his window.

“Fuck- fuck- HELL YEAH!” He screamed out the window. He cheered, loudly, as passers who walked by his open window looked at him with a laugh as they continued moving forward. “OH MY GOD! IM A HUSBAND!”

You laughed at your longtime boyfriend’s antics. “Baby! Stop! People are staring!”

“I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! You know why? ‘CUZ I’M YOUR HUSBAND!” He said with a laugh as he shouted at you this time. He then turned to face the window as he called out to random people. “Aye! Did you hear her!?

“Yeah! I heard man!” The stranger cheered for him.

“She called me her husband!” Katsuki rejoiced.

“You got that!” The stranger encouraged him and cheered him on making the both of you laugh.

“Oh my god! Aye are you tryna’ come to the wedding?” Bakugou asked as a joke, not even realizing he was so happy he was acting out of character.

“I’ll be there! I’ll be there!” The stranger joked as he walked on while congratulating Bakugou again. Your boyfriend wouldn’t stop so you literally had to lean over and shut his window. “Uh- babe! I wasn’t done!”

“Yes you were, Suki-“

“No, that’s not my name no more. You gotta call me your husband.” He said with a smile as he took your hand in his and leaned into your face.

“Suki-“

“Say it. What am I?”

“You’re my husband.” You said softly with a smile.

“I’m your what?”

“My husband.”

“That’s right I’m your husband.” He chuckled as he leaned in closer and squealed in his own way with his deep ass voice. “I love you so much, c’mere, give me a kiss.”

You leaned in and held the side of his face as he pecked your lips multiple times before ending it with a sweet and loving kiss. He pulled back and kissed the back of your hand as he started up the car and started driving. “Alright, we gotta go find the guys now,” he said referring to his friends in the Bakusquad.

“Wha- but what about our date?” You asked.

“Later. We gotta find the 3 idiots.”

“Why?”

“Gotta tell them the good news,” he said and rolled down his window as he drove and yelled out of it again. “L/N Y/N CALLED ME HER HUSBAND!”

Tag list: @sxcker4you @aomi04 @tessabrown101 @ebiharachan @is-this-ash @iris-shihabi @sxturn-stars @isolight @lanantoine @whatdidshesayyy

[sips-tea-cutely]

5 Stages of Grief

inspired by: @/coffeeebeeans

note; kinda short since im still getting into the writing groove yknow. sry if this sucks 😛😛 might write one for the girls because i have a whole other set of this for the girls like maybe maki heheheeh. might edit too tmrw lol

summary; another day, another death. life goes on and on but how do danganronpa characters handle *your* demise?

characters; rantaro amami, fuyuhiko kuzuryuu, hajime hinata, shuichi saihara, makoto naegi

tw: suicide (shuichi)

Denial

Rantaro Amami

rantaro has only had two things that he kept precious; his sisters and his s/o. and now, here he sees, the love of his life with a bloody bruise on their head. he refused to believe it. you were always a prankster, so perhaps this is some elaborate plan by you and kokichi? yes, it has to be, he won’t accept any other answer. there’s no way you’re dead.

even until the elevator ride to the class trial, he won’t believe it. you must’ve gotten monokuma to play along with this gag. and when shuichi finally explains that it was the secret door that lured you? the door he trusted you oh, so much to tell you about? he caused your death? no, absolutely not. the survivor perk is supposed to be something that would help him win this game, not cause him even more grief. he promised you that he’d find the mastermind before anyone dies, there’s no way he caused it, it’s completely unthinkable.

he refused to even watch the execution, it was just another painful reminder of how he had failed you. he finally succumbs to despair. his guilt manifests into hallucinations of you. and all he could do was listen to all the threats, guilt trips and whines that ‘you’ kept saying, he knew it wasn’t you. you were never this cruel.

Anger

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu

he’s angry. not that you killed someone but for the fact that you felt the urge to kill someone. fuck the rules, fuck this killing game. this game already took peko away from him, he’ll be damned if it takes you too.

“ah, you all found out, huh? well, i guess it was going to happen sooner..” you smile, despite knowing the fate that awaits you. “what the hell..? why are you smiling, s/o?!? why did you kill nekomaru, answer me!” he angrily demands. “well, i couldn’t let you all just starve, now could i?” you genuinely smile. you really risked your own life to make sure your friends wouldn’t die? fuyuhiko.. isn’t used to that. you’re too kind for your own good. he understands your motive now but now he’s in a pure fit of rage, the rest of the trial was screaming on fuyuhiko’s part and akane holding him back from attacking monokuma.

“you don’t need to do that, fuyuhiko. it’s alright. i killed nekomaru knowing the consequences. go ahead and vote for me” you softly say, reassuring fuyuhiko. he doesn’t like it though. he refuses to let someone else slip by him.“it’s okay, fuyuhiko, let me go and i promise it’ll be alright.” you walked off to have your punishment and by then the only sound in the trial room was fuyuhiko’s screams of both sorrow and despair. he saw red fury as he lunged himself onto monokuma in a fit of anger. and what happened next.. is something he can’t quite remember.

Bargaining

Hajime Hinata

he tried, he really did. he knew what you did but he couldn’t accept it. he was going to make sure you lived, even if it cost him his own life. “hajime, pardon me but your logic doesn’t make any sense. s/o was taking care of ibuki at the time of her murder, we should be including them as a suspect as well.” “i agree with miss sonia, don’t go around playing favorites, our lives are on the line too!”

“no, it’s impossible because.. i was with them. mikan asked to talk to see ibuki in the reception to check her temperature.” “w-what?! i-i never said anything like that, i promiseee!” “hey, hajime, tell the truth before i slap your front tail!” well, this was stressful. he felt like an outsider again. he wants to believe that you’re innocent but the evidence is in front of him, you killed ibuki and hiyoko. “cmon hajime, just tell the truth, we both know it.” your eyes softened towards him. why? why did you want him to condemn you to your death? he didn’t want to, he couldn’t, he’d rather die himself then watch the love of his life executed. he just wanted to cry, to cry into your loving arms.

his childhood friend and lover, the person who despite not having an ultimate talent, never thought of him any less. he couldn’t bear to see it so please consider this his repayment.

“…i’m the culprit.”

Depression

Shuichi Saihara

he couldn’t take it. he was finally at his breaking point. at the sight of your corpse, he knelt to the floor and started wailing. not only had he failed his companions once, but twice. and now you’re gone as well? you were the person who checked in on him in his dorm after kaede’s execution, you were the shoulder he cried on after the 5th trial, you were the only thing keeping him from snapping and now, you’re gone too.

he couldn’t investigate your body, he couldn’t. he was facing the corner of the cafeteria, attempting to regain his breath but the tears kept coming. all he could think is what did he do to deserve this? during the trial, he relied on maki to relay all the clues she found and that’s when it finally clicked. you killed yourself. you ended your existence purely from the guilt. he was shocked to say the least. you knew he loved you so why didn’t you tell him? he promised to be there for you like you are for him so why couldn’t you tell him?

even after the trials end, voting you as the culprit. shuichi was almost zombie-like, this question eating up at his mind. it almost drives him so mad that he hears a small sigh of relief by tsumugi.

Acceptance

Makoto Naegi

he heard your scream. although through his mind runs every what if; “what if i checked on them? what if i walked them to their dorm?” the only thing from completely spiraling into despair was your cold, bloody hand on his cheek. your hand was shaky and the half-dead corpse in his hands was getting colder by the second.

“don’t be sad makoto.. smile instead. smile in the name of despair. i know you can do this because y..you’re…” your hand fell from his cheek and went limp on the cold tiled floors as your eyes closed and your body went cold.

smile in the name of despair? it doesn’t quite make sense now but, it’s your death wish and it’s the least that he could do. he gently put your corpse onto the floor and immediately started his investigation with some new found determination. he made a silent promise to you to stop another killing from happening in this academy again.

[watchmegetobsessed]

The Hottest Avenger - Bucky Barnes

a/n: im warning you, i will probably not stop for a while with the bucky fics so... brace yourselves lol! also i wrote this before ep 5 came out so its placed in that time

pairing: Bucky X Reader

warnings: TFATWS spoiler, some violence? nothing extreme

word count: 1.8k

summary: Being locked together with Sam and Bucky brings the worst out of you, picking on each other constantly. Following an arguement Bucky accidentally calls you his girlfriend in front of Sam when your relationship was supposed to be a secret.

masterlist

“Did you fucking eat the last dumpling?” you accuse Sam, holding up the empty takeout box where you thought were one more dumpling, one you’ve saved for yourself, but now it’s gone as Sam is eyeing you with his mouth full.

“Thought it was mine,” he mumbles, his words barely understandable from all the food in his mouth.

Taking a deep breath you’re trying not to jump at his throat right then and there. You’ve been locked up together all damn day in the trashy apartment across the street from the building where’s Zemo supposed to be hiding. Sharon had a tip about a possible place where he might be found, but you’ve been waiting to no avail for now. You’ve been growing stressed and impatient. You lost track of Karli and her people and now you can’t seem to find Zemo either. If it wasn’t for the Dora Milaje, you wouldn’t bother to be so after the asshole, but Bucky said if Ayo finds him first, he is dead and every useful information he holds goes to the grave with him so now you are forced to look for him. One failed mission has been following the other these days, that incompetent dickhead John is on the loose too after murdering that man in front of civilians and you feel like control has slipped out of your grip a long time ago. Now you’re stuck with Sam and Bucky in this crappy place, waiting by the window, watching out for Zemo and on top of everything… Sam ate your last dumpling.

Just when you’re about to snap at him, you feel a strong grip on your shoulder. You don’t have to look up to know it’s Bucky right behind you, but not just because he is the only other person in the room beside you and Sam, but also because you know his touch probably more than anyone. Only that most of the times it’s not your shoulder he is gripping…

It’s been going on for a long time between the two of you. Started with just some innocent flirting and you never thought it would grow into something more significant, but it did. And now you are officially in a relationship with none other than the Winter Soldier, only that no one else knows about it and you plan to keep it that way. You don’t need the teasing and jokes and the Avengers are known to be dicks sometimes, especially Sam.

Glancing up your eyes meet Bucky’s blue irises and he sends you a look that says “just let it go”, and though every fiber in you wants to whoop Sam’s ass, you let it slip.

“Don’t tell me you’re gonna get mad about a dumpling,” Sam chuckles as he chews on the food that you should be enjoying right now.

“I can get mad about whatever I want to,” you growl back, growing quite irritated of him at this point.

“Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” he huffs under his breath, clearly not as bothered as he should be. Before you could do any harm in him, you leave your spot by the window, needing a breather from… well, from him.

“Hey, it’s still your turn!” he calls after you.

“I need a break,” you growl back.

“Get your ass back here, we agreed to switch every two hours!”

“Sam! I’m walking out because I’m way too tempted to punch you in the face right now!” you snap at him, losing your patience. He rises from his seat with a hard expression, not quite a fan of the way you just talked to him, but you couldn’t care less.

“You think you could actually throw one? Because last time we fought you couldn’t really get a hold of me,” he narrows his eyes at you, coming to stand tall in front of you, trying to intimidate you with how much taller and stronger he might be, but you both know you’re a better fighter.

“It’s easy to talk with your fancy tech stuff. Why don’t we see who wins in a simple battle?” you challenge him with faked boredom.

“Guys, stop. We should be looking out for Zemo, not tearing each other apart,” Bucky tries to end the staring contest, sticking his metal arm between the two of you in case any of you decides to launch at the other one.

“Then tell her to stop bitching!” Sam nods in your way.

“I’m not bitching, I’m just fed up with your bullshit!” you spat back at him, leaning closer, your chest coming in contact with Bucky’s extended arm.

“Don’t talk to her like that, Sam,” Bucky warns him, but Sam snorts dryly.

“Don’t tell me you are taking her side, she is throwing a fit for a fucking dumpling!”

“I’m not taking sides, just trying to settle this stupid disagreement here,” he defends himself and you roll your eyes.

“You can’t tell me she is not overreacting it, Buck!” Sam laughs in disbelief, taking a step back, dropping the act that he wants to fight you. He probably knows he would come out as a ridiculous loser. “This is fucking insane, I’m not in the mood to deal with your shit, Y/N,” he shakes his head.

“Hey!” Bucky snaps at him. “Don’t talk to my girlfriend like that, okay?!”

“I’m just—wait, what?!” Sam’s eyes widen and you freeze too.

Your dumbass boyfriend didn’t just out the two of you, did he? What else is about to come?! Sam’s shock turns into a cocky grin as his eyes shift between you and Bucky.

“You guys… you guys are fucking?” he asks with a delightful laugh and you close your eyes sighing, already tired of his shit.

“That’s not—We’re not fucking, I mean… It’s not like that,” Bucky stutters, but it’s just making it worse. He looks at you with terror in his eyes, but you are way too drained to deal with it the right way.

“Yes, we are fucking! And we are in a mature adult relationship! Get yourself over it!” you bark at Sam before turning around and walking out.

You faintly hear the two men talk inside, but you don’t make out the words. You don’t go too far, sitting on the steps leading up to the third floor. Soon enough you hear the door of the apartment open with a creak and a moment later Bucky shows up in your sight. He sits beside you, remaining silent for a little before speaking up.

“Sorry for running my mouth,” he mumbles, his head hanging low.

“It’s… fine,” you breathe out. Bucky fidgets with his fingers and you know he wants to touch you in any kind of way as a reassurance that it really is fine. You don’t want to hold a grudge, it was an accident, you’re just a little bummed it’s not gonna be just the two of you anymore. Reaching out you take his hand, the real one that’s flesh and meat and you lace your fingers together as he peeks at you, still reserved and hesitant.

“Is it really fine or are you just bottling it up?”

“It really is fine,” you chuckle softly and leaning closer you kiss his scruffy cheek. “The only reason I wanted to keep it a secret is because you know how vickery the guys can get. I just didn’t want them to pick on us.”

“They do it because they are just jealous,” he smirks playfully, his shoulder bumping against yours.

“Yeah? Of what?” A soft chuckle slips through your lips.

“That I scored the hottest Avenger,” he replies smugly and you can’t help but laugh with your head snapping back.

“I didn’t know you were fucking Thor!” you retort and immediately see his smirk vanish from his lips as he stares back at you, not enjoying your joke as much as you are.

“Thor? Really? Not this shit again, Y/N,” he narrows his eyes at you. Back when you were just skirting around each other, you loved pulling his leg, joking about how much you are into the hottest Avenger, aka Thor. He never appreciated it, usually earned you a tight-lipped smile before he mumbled “Tarzan’s got nothing on me” before walking away, leaving you laughing like a hyena.

“Come on, you know I’m more into super soldiers,” you grin, leaning closer as he pepper his sharp jawline with more small kisses.

“You know, it’s not the best thing to say to your boyfriend when there are now about eight more super soldiers running around,” he huffs.

“But none of them has a metal arm,” you point out, finally making him laugh.

“So that’s your kink? A vibranium arm?” he asks with faked shock and you curl your arms around his bicep, resting your chin on his shoulder.

“How haven’t you realized yet?” you chuckle. Bucky turns his head until his lips can capture yours in a sweet, lighthearted kiss that makes you forget about everything that’s been clouding over your mind these past days. All the failures, the mistakes and chaos fades into nothing, because you have him and he has you.

Walking back into the apartment Sam stares back at you, neither of you entirely sure how to act after what just happened. He then grabs his phone from the dusty table before holding it up.

“I could order some extra dumplings,” he offers and you crack a smile shaking your head. This was his peace offering, both of you knows he won’t straight up apologize for the way he talked, but this is already more than what you were expecting from him. Bucky must have had a few words with him before joining you outside.

“It’s all good.”

The three of you get back to work, taking your previous spots, returning to the task on hand as silence falls on the room once again. You catch Sam glancing at you and the Bucky and you can tell he is about to make a snarky comment on your relationship. And just as he is about to open his big mouth, Bucky moves to silence him, but you’re faster. With a simple move you throw Sam to the ground, keeping him down with your hand wrapped around his neck.

“Don’t even think about teasing, understood?” you hiss at him as he gasps for air, his hands wrapping around your wrist as he tries to fight you off, but you hold him a second longer to emphasize the importance of your words. Then you finally let go of him and he coughs for air, fixing him up from the floor as you simply walk back to your spot by the window.

“Hottest Avenger, huh?” he breathes out, revealing that he heard what you talked about out on the stairs. “More like the Avenger with the most anger issues…”

You just grin, glancing over at your boyfriend who is now standing with his arms crossed over his chest, not even bothered by his friend’s struggles on the floor as he smirks back at you, nodding proudly as if he was saying: “That’s my girl.”

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