#‘well I didn’t make her eat the gumdrops. you fed them to her’

[seaglassdinosaur]

Immensely fucked up how Snow always manages to place guilt for peoples’ deaths on the survivor.

[eirikaanemo]

The Candy House

Venti x GN!Reader

3k Words

Warnings: eviction, manipulation, servitude, minor character 'death', temporary blindness, kiss at the end

Notes: This is NOT incest. You and Venti are strangers and are not related at all.

Getting lost in the enchanted forest was easy. The fog covering the ground, the trees blocking out the light, and the original path taking so many twists and turns made sure of that. From the chill sinking into your bones you can tell that it’s getting late. Fear settles into your heart. Who knows what lurks in these woods? All you know is that of all those who have entered these woods, no one has ever come back out.

The rumors all tell of monsters and creatures roaming in the night, devouring any unfortunate creature they may find. You can only hope that they are wrong. Perhaps if you find some sort of shelter you can be hidden and make it through the night. Unfortunately you have not been able to find any sort of shelter, anything would do at this point. And yet it’s nowhere to be found and all that’s left to do is keep searching.

Then you see a light in the distance, illuminating the silhouette of a house. Speeding up, you change course to move towards it. The closer you get, the more details you are able to make out through the fog and the dark. And the closer you are, the odder it looks. It doesn’t seem to be made of brick or wood, or any other sort of building material you have seen.

As you get even closer you find that it’s kind of made of bricks, if giant chocolate covered raisins count as bricks and dried icing counts as mortar. The windows tint the light different colors as the light passes through the semi-transparent hard candy. The front door is made of chocolate and has a gumdrop handle. The roof is made of wafer shingles held together by layers of caramel. It looks delicious.

When you approach the door it opens to reveal an old woman. Her eyes are white and unseeing but hold an unsettling glint, though her smile assures you that you are welcome. “Oh you poor dear,” she says mournfully. “Out lost in the woods at night! You must be cold. Come in, come in and stay the night. Dinner is ready and I would love to have some company. Please do come and join me!”

The thought of food makes your stomach rumble. You haven’t eaten anything all day. This is like a dream come true, too wonderful to be real, and yet it is. “I would be happy to,” you tell her and follow her inside. Just like the outside of the house, everything is made of candy. Everything but dinner, that is, thankfully. The food is absolutely delicious and you enjoy every bite.

After you help clean up the dishes she leads you to the next room over. It’s small with meager furnishings which include a comfortable looking cot. “I’m sorry, I know it’s not much,” she apologizes. “Being out here in the woods means I so rarely get visitors.”

“It’s fine,” you reassure her. “This is much better than trying to find shelter out in the woods.” She nods her head emphatically. “Oh heavens yes,” she agrees. “You wouldn’t even survive a night out there! The locals aren’t fond of strangers wandering around their forest.” The thought causes a shiver to run down your spine as she wishes you goodnight and leaves you to your thoughts.

Sleep comes easily that night but the morning is much too early. You’re shaken awake by the old lady, more harshly than you would expect from what she was like the night before. When you open your eyes, sit up, and turn to look at her she even looks different from yesterday. Gone are the sweet, soft features of an old lady and instead are the haggard, worn, and wicked features of a dark witch.

“By partaking of my food and generosity, you have sold yourself into my service.” The witch informed you. “Now get out of bed, you have chores to do and have slept in far too late.” Your eyes go wide as you remember the basic rules you’ve always been taught for dealing with the magical. Do not eat. Do not sleep. Do not accept favors. Three of many, and you had broken them. She is right, and you have no one to blame but yourself.

For breakfast you are fed bread crusts and water. Then you start on your chores. Most of them are normal things: sweep the house, do the dishes, and dust dusty surfaces for example. Oddly enough, she prepares meals despite it being one of the more risky tds for her. Then again she does have a lot of experience so there might not be as much risk as you might originally think. And apparently she doesn’t usually eat either.

There are also a couple odd chores. The most odd one being: feed and fatten up ‘[her] next meal’. When you ask her how to complete that task she mutters about how she knew she was forgetting something and releases a spell hiding a large hanging birdcage in the corner of the room. A birdcage with someone in it. There is a pile of bones beneath the cage. Human bones. You’re sick to your stomach.

At some point the witch must have left, leaving just you and them in the room. As if sensing that she’d left, the figure cracks an eye open, sits up, and stretches, then sends you a bitter smile. “I guess we’re both stuck here,” they say. A he, you judge by the sound of his voice. “Yeah,” you mutter, equally bitterly. “Tricked me with dinner and a place to stay when I really should have known better. And I didn’t even realize how badly I messed up until this morning.”

He sighs. “I tried to warn you, but she put up a spell to hide me before she went to bring you in.” He sounds so defeated. You shrug. “Thank you for trying. Don’t blame yourself though. This really is my own fault. How did she catch you?”

“Much the same as you,” he admitted. “I was searching for a treasure I had lost and found out she had it, which was true. So I came to try and get it from her but she tricked me into eating and trapped me here. Now she’s just waiting until I’m fat enough to eat it appears. I guess we’re stuck here together for now. And after she eats me, you’re probably next if allowed.”

The two of you are silent for a minute as you ponder your imminent demise and his rhymes. “Well I feel kind of bad now that I know, but I’m supposed to give you this. It’s one of my chores so I have to do it.” You hand him his breakfast through the bars of his cage. It’s a much better breakfast than your own but he wrinkles his nose at it before giving in and eating it.

As he eats you continue with your chores. Most of them are in the same area he is so you’re easily able to take care of his breakfast dishes. The two of you end up chatting while you work. He introduces himself as Venti the bard and tells you stories about his travels all over Teyvat, often times in rhymes. When he isn’t telling stories he’s singing you songs while you work to distract you from the numerous aches and pains that you’ve developed from all the work you have been doing. In return, you tell him about how you ended up in the enchanted forest in the first place.

You explain how the village has become convinced that you were a witch, even your own family. They had cast you out and now you have nowhere else to go. It was hard to talk about but oddly enough you felt better after telling Venti about it. He didn’t judge you or pity you for it, there was just a serene sort of sympathy that helped you feel heard and validated. And since you don’t really talk to strangers about that sort of thing, the two of you decide that you are friends.

A couple days pass and you notice that the witch has been testing how fat he is by feeling his finger. And the fatter he is, the more he has eaten, the closer he is to being eaten himself. Every meal has to be finished, she knows otherwise and the consequences aren’t pretty. So far he certainly isn’t fat, but both of you know it’s only a matter of time.

Then you come up with a brilliant idea. “What if,” you whisper to him after she leaves the room after checking, “you have her check that bone instead of your finger when she next checks? Her eyesight is bad enough that she probably can’t see the difference and it will buy us time while we try to come up with an idea to escape.”

“That might just work!” He declares. “And that would be just the thing to wipe off her smirk. It should buy us the time as long as she doesn’t give it too much mind. Here’s hoping it works, because the alternative will be much worse.” You slowly nod your head, “At least it’s a start.” He smiles at replies, “And it’s truly is quite smart.”

You blush at the compliment and feel your heart flutter in your chest. As time has gone by you have found yourself falling for him. It’s not any one specific thing, but a combination of many things that make him who he is: his jokes, kindness, thoughtfulness, and trying to make the best of your situation, to name a few. And it doesn’t hurt that he’s so cute.

Thankfully, the trick does work to your delight and her frustration. She started making his meals larger, but he just shared with you instead of eating it all himself. After all, the food needs to be eaten. And you may have admitted to be surviving off of bread crusts at some point. “I can’t have you dying of hunger, we need to escape together after all. And besides, friends take care of each other.” He insisted.

You swear that you fall just a little further in love with him every day. Sometimes you catch yourself staring and have to look away quickly, hoping he didn’t notice. Part of you suspects he does notice judging by the blush that dusts his cheeks you spot before you manage to look away. But if he does notice he doesn’t say anything.

Things continue like this for over a month with the witch becoming more and more impatient as time goes on. The two of you have yet to have found a good plan of escape and can tell things are getting more and more risky as time goes on. And one day, the witch finally snaps, the weight of her hunger breaking through what patience and reason she had left.

“I’m tired to waiting!” She exclaims, stomping on the floor. “I’m so hungry that I’ll just eat him, skinny as he is. And you know what? I’ll eat you too! Heat up the oven already, it’s time for me to feast.” Her gaze is fastened on you as you shakily start putting firewood in the oven in jerky motions. Both of you have gone pale and Venti has gone eerily still in his cage.

All too soon a fire is roaring in the oven. “Now check the temperature,” she orders you with a wicked gleam in her eyes. Venti caught on immediately and started silently gesturing for you not to do it. With his warning you realized what was going on. “Um, how would I do that?” You inquire instead.

“I’ve never used your oven before because you always do all the cooking.” It’s technically true, but you have used similar ovens in the past and know exactly how dangerous checking the temperature could be in this situation. But if you manage to turn it around… well, that might just work.

The witch stomps over to the oven and demonstrates how to check the temperature, leaning towards the oven with her head nearly inside. Rushing up behind her, you push her in and latch the door. There’s silence, so you unlatch the door and peek inside to find a melting gummy bear instead of the witch. “She’s a melting gummy bear. She won’t be eating anyone anymore.” You reassure Venti, who takes a deep breath out in relief. Not wasting any time, you start searching around for the key to the cage and eventually find it in the drawer of her bedroom nightstand..

He cheers with a big grin on his face. “You did it! We’re saved!” Fumbling with the keys and with a couple failed attempts you were able to open the door to his cage and he lept out. “Now I just need to find my treasure! Could you help me find it?” He requested. “Sure,” you say, already starting to look through her kitchen drawers. “What does it look like?” He shrugs. “Oh, you’ll know it when you see it,” he mentions vaguely as he works his way through checking some of the smaller rooms in the house.

After a while of searching you reach into a vase filled with flowers made of spun sugar and pull something out. It appears to be a queen from a chess set with a glowing turquoise orb set in it. “Is this it?” You question loudly so he can hear you from where he’s searching at the other end of the house. Footsteps approach as he rushes to check and his face lights up as he sees it. “That’s it!” He crows as he takes it from your outstretched hand.

He holds it close to his chest and the room flashes with a bright turquoise light. Not expecting the light, it blinded you and you dropped to your knees with a cry. You cover your eyes with your hands belatedly and try desperately to blink the darkness from your vision. Distantly you can hear him curse as he realized his mistake.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologizes. You feel him gently peel your hands away from your eyes and replace them with his own. A cooling, numbing feeling soothes your eyes. He moves his hands to the sides of your face and runs his thumbs over your eyelids one more time before you dare to try and open them.

At first you’re surprised by your restored vision as you look down at your hands. But when you look up you’re surprised for a whole other reason. Venti still looks like Venti, except for where he doesn’t. There’s a lot more skin showing than there was before, revealing turquoise tattoos on his chest and leg as he crouches in front of you. He is dressed in an immaculate white and gold outfit with turquoise accents that almost seems to glow. But most of all, he has sprouted white wings from his back.

“Huh?” You utter, very articulately, mouth gaping. Rubbing your eyes again, you try to see if that will fix your vision. Nope, he’s still there. You can hardly believe your eyes. He lets out a laugh at your reaction and it sounds like the tinkling of bells. “Am I really so amazing that it’s left you speechless?” He teases. All you can do is nod slowly, which makes him frown.

“I’m still Venti, you know,” he tells you, trying to put you at ease. “Sure, I may be Barbatos too, but I’m still your friend. There is no need for such awe. Though I’m afraid to say that it does mean that I can’t stay. I need to return home. But before I go, I can grant you one wish as a reward for all of your help.”

You gaze at him silently for a couple minutes as he patiently waits for your response. “If you have to go, then I wish for you to take me with you,” you admit. He blinks, surprised. “I would love to, honestly, but you know that means you won’t be able to come back, right? And I’d have to change you. You wouldn’t be human anymore.” You smile and nod. “I’m certain, it’s not like I have anything left here to return to anyways.”

“So be it then,” he says with a grin before he leans it and presses a kiss to your forehead. Your whole body tingles as your features change. Your ears grow longer and narrow into points at the ends. Wings sprout from your back, tearing holes in the back of your shirt. Your height adjusts to make you within an inch or two of his height. Opening your eyes after the transformation, you spy the blush dusting his cheeks as he avoids eye contact with you.

“You missed,” you tease, leaning in closer to him. His blush grows as he looks back at you, gaze getting stuck on your lips as he gulps. You can feel your own cheeks warm at the thought of what must be going through his head. “May I kiss you?” You implore, moving your hands to rest on his knees. He nods his head shakily.

Reaching up to cup the back of his neck with both hands, you pull him down to you so your lips can reach his. The kiss is simple but lingers as you pull away. He pulls you back in before you get too far. The next kiss is more passionate than the first, with an edge of desperation.

Eventually he breaks away. “We’ll need to finish this later,” he hums, nuzzling his nose against yours. “But there will be plenty of time for this in the future. We have all the time in the world now. And I want to spend every second of it with you.”

[wonkasmissstarshine]

The Chocolatier’s Rose {Willy Wonka x OC} Ch.41

GIFs not mine. Credit go to owners.

Summary: So far, it’s a blissful pregnancy for Rose. And Willy couldn’t be any more excited about it.

Tagging: @holdmeicant @willymywonkers @sleepiesapphicxoxo @frozenhuntress67

It had been about six months since Rose first found out she was pregnant. She now had a prominent baby bump that was on display. Every time she saw it when she looked in the mirror, she felt this wave of overwhelming joy. Sometimes it was too much that she would start to cry.

Every one had been doing their part in making sure that Rose was comfortable and well taken care of. Mrs Bucket always made sure that her daughter was well fed, as she was eating for two now. Her friends stopped by every day, offering to do Rose's errands around the factory for her. Priscilla had the most important job of all. She was the one who kept Rose company when Willy couldn't.

Sometimes she would end up staying the night because she was too stubborn to go home and leave her pregnant best friend behind. No matter how much Rose and Willy told Priscilla that it was okay for her to go home, she would always much rather stay with the expectant mother and father. Behind their excitement, Priscilla could always see the worry and how scared they were.

It was thanks to Priscilla's commitment that she would be named the baby's godmother.

But with all the care, love and support that came from her family and friends, no one was more attentive to Rose than her own husband was.

Willy Wonka never knew how wonderful and exciting it could be when you were expecting a child. But where there was excitement and happiness, nervousness and fright was always buried underneath. There were quite a few things that Willy was afraid of.

What if his child grows up to resent him? What if something goes wrong during the birth and he loses Rose, or the baby, or both? What if--?

What if everything is going to be okay and this child will love both their mother and father unconditionally?

That's the thought that Willy kept with him when he began to worry. It would immediately put him at ease.

As mentioned before, no one was quite attentive to Rose than Willy was. He would get up extra early in the mornings to make breakfast and then bring it to Rose so she could have breakfast in bed. He would do the little chores around the house that Rose would usually do like sweeping the floors, making the beds and doing the dishes. He'd bring her anything she asked him to bring, even if he had to leave the factory to get it.

Whatever cravings she had, no matter how weird they were, Willy would bring her what she wanted. When Rose's hormones were on the blink, Willy would comfort her, make her smile, and make her laugh. He'd hold her in his arms and gently rock her from side to side as she cried into his shoulder. He'd pet her hair softly and give her gentle kisses.

Willy made sure that there was always an Oompa-Loompa around for Rose. The Oompa-Loompas were nothing but kind and helpful throughout Rose's pregnancy. In fact, they were quite excited about the future arrival of the baby. That's all the Oompa-Loompas would talk about with each other.

Rose and Willy had been making more frequent visits to Dr Wonka. When he was informed of the pregnancy, which was only a few days after Rose and Willy found out. He was completely overjoyed that he was going to be a grandfather.

But Wilbur wasn't the only one to learn that he was getting a new family member. Willy found out that he was going to have a new mother when his father announced his engagement. And who was he engaged to? Why, none other than Mrs Mason.

Getting a child and a new mother? Willy couldn't be any happier.

******

Priscilla was keeping Rose company while Willy was off working in some part of the factory for the day. In fact, it was Priscilla's third day in a row at the Wonka house. It's like she had invited herself to move in with the couple.

"Priscilla?" Rose asked. She was sat in her chair, knitting a scarf. She had taken up the hobby during her pregnancy.

Priscilla, sat in Willy's chair, looked up from her crossword puzzle. "Yes, Rose?"

"I appreciate you watching over me, but you've been here for three days now. You can go home if you want"

"Nuh-uh" Priscilla shook her head. "What if something happens and you're all alone? I'm not taking that chance"

"There's always at least one Oompa-Loompa outside. They'd take good care of me"

"I know, but you and Willy are my best friends. And so is that baby. I just want to make sure all three of you are okay"

Rose went silent for a moment. "Actually it's all four of us"

Priscilla blinked. "Did you just say four?"

"Yep. It's twins"

Priscilla leapt out of her seat. "Rose! When did you find this out!? When were you going to tell me!?"

"I went to see Dr Potts last week for an ultrasound with my mum" Rose started to explain. Priscilla kneeled down in front of Rose, and grabbed her hands, listening with a smile. "He said the sex could be determined. He asked if I wanted to know, and I said yes. That's when he said it was a boy and a girl"

"It's like you always wanted, Rose!" Priscilla beamed, her eyes sparkling with joy for her best friend. "Are you going to tell Willy?"

"I really want to, but I also want him to be surprised on the day of"

"I see how happy he is now, thinking that he's just having one child. Think of how happy he's going to be when he finds out he's having two" Priscilla put her head on Rose's baby bump. "And Auntie Cilla can't wait to meet you two! Fleur, I know that you're going to be so pretty, just like your mommy is. And you, Dulce, well you're just going to be a handsome young man like your daddy is"

******

It had gotten late. Priscilla wound up falling asleep on the couch, like she had everytime she stayed. Rose fetched an extra blanket and pillow for her. She carefully lifted Priscilla's head and tucked the pillow under her. Then, she draped the blanket over her, making sure that she was covered from her chin to her toes.

Priscilla grinned in her sleep and she muttered out, "Thank you, Rose"

Rose smiled as she leaned down to give Priscilla a kiss on the forehead. Then, she went out to the porch where an Oompa-Loompa was waiting for her with two cups of tea. She sat down with the Oompa-Loompa. "Thank you. I was just thinking of tea" Rose said.

The Oompa-Loompa gave her a smile. The two of them sat and drank their tea. Rose talked and the Oompa-Loompa listened. It wasn't long before Willy made his way home.

"Hello starshine" Willy immediately greeted Rose. He kneeled beside her, taking her hand and a pressing a kiss to the back of it. "I meant to come home earlier but Charlie and I made quite a breakthrough today"

Rose smiled at him, placing her hand on his cheek. "That's okay, cocoa bean"

Willy looked at the Oompa-Loompa. "Thank you for keeping her company"

The Oompa-Loompa gave a nod and a smile, before getting up to leave. Rose let out a yawn and she could feel her eyelids becoming heavy.

"Is my starshine tired?" Willy whispered to her.

"Mmhm" Rose tiredly hummed.

"Come on. Let's get you and our little jellybean to bed" Willy stood up, and held out his hands to Rose. She took them and he helped her stand up. As soon as he stepped foot into the house, he noticed Priscilla asleep on the couch. "She fell asleep here again?"

Rose nodded. "She refuses to leave our side. I swear, she can be so stubborn sometimes"

"But that's what makes her such a good friend" Willy said, before bringing Rose into the bedroom. He made sure that she got into her pyjamas, and then he brushed her hair. Once her hair was all brushed, Rose got into bed. Willy pulled the blankets over her, making sure that she was warm and cozy. "Now, it's time for you to get some sleep, starshine. I'll be coming to bed soon"

"Willy?" Rose spoke up.

"Yes?"

"You're a wonderful husband. You take such good care of me"

"That's because I love you" Willy leaned over and kissed her softly. Then, he moved down the bed so that he could lean over and placed his head on the baby bump. "And I love you too, little jellybean. I can't wait until the day you arrive" He kissed the bump.

Rose smiled at the sight, and that was the last thing she saw as her eyes shut and she fell fast asleep. Willy left the room as quietly as he could. When he entered the living room, he saw Priscilla sitting up on the couch, looking at him with smile. "I thought you were sleeping" Willy said to her.

"I was, but then I was feeling thirsty" Priscilla explained.

"Oh. I'll get you some water then" Willy offered. He quickly went to go get a glass of water and then he brought it over to Priscilla. He sat beside her as he gave her the glass. She thanked him before taking a sip. "I want to thank you for watching over Rose for me. I'm always worried something's going to happen to her when I'm not here, and--"

Priscilla put her hand on his shoulder. "Willy, you don't need to thank me. And I'm not just doing it for Rose. I'm doing it for you, too. You two are like my family, my brother and my sister"

"Do you think I'm going to be a good father?"

"I think you're going to be a fantastic father. Those kids are so lucky to have you for a father"

Wait, kids? As in more than one? Had he heard that right?

"Cilla, did you just say kids?" Willy asked.

"Oops" Priscilla winced. "I didn't mean to say that. Rose wanted you to be surprised"

Willy stayed quiet for a moment, before smiling and asking. "How many?"

"Twins. A boy and a girl"

"So we're having a jellybean and a gumdrop?"

Priscilla couldn't not smile. He already had nicknames for his children. That was so cute and sweet. "Yep, and Auntie Cilla is going to spoil both of them"

Willy gave her a look. "Okay, but don't spoil them too much, please. I've seen what happens when you spoil a child too much. I don't want our children ending up like that"

"Don't worry. I'll spoil them just the right amount" Priscilla winked. Then she yawned, no matter how hard she tried to push it back.

"It's time for you to get some sleep too, Cilla" Willy said.

"But I'm not tired!" She protested. She also yawned again.

"That yawn tells me otherwise" Willy got up off the couch so that Priscilla could make herself comfortable. She was about to grab the blanket and pull it over her, but Willy beat her to it. He made sure that she was covered by the blanket so that she would be kept comfy and warm. "Now, get some sleep" He kissed Priscilla on the forehead, much like Rose had done earlier when she was tucking her in.

When he was sure that she was fast asleep, he got up and made his way into the spare bedroom. What Rose didn't know, is that Willy had been working hard to turn the spare bedroom into the perfect nursery for their child. Now that he knew that they were having a boy and a girl, he knew just what to do to make it even more special. He didn't just want Rose to love it. He wanted to make a room that would show his son and daughter just how much he already loved them.

[loudlypanickinginvenezolano]

Animalistic, pt2.

trigger warnings for this chapter? A lot of animals, mention of blood and injuries, and there is a mention of a corpse at the very end. Not that detailed but like, just to be save. 

Shadow centric because I still cant control myself.  Chapter 1. Also in AO3

It took him maybe 8 seconds to remember why was a python on his bed, but once everything came back to his mind, Shadow stood and left a pissed off Kaa into her thank. “I am, Oh so sorry for disturbing your sleep, your majesty, but that is a no-no place for you to be.” He snorted, before blinking, because, wow, he really must be tired.

He jogged down the steps, searching around the house the reason he had woke from his dream. He was sure he had heard something…

“Well, hello there, little mister.” He cooed, picking up Baloo from where the baby bear had wandered. Scrooge was close to the door, looking warily and keeping guard as Mowgly was being his dumb self in the middle of the room. While Mowgly and Baloo had warmed incredibly quickly to Shadow and the secure room he had made for them during this first 2 days, Scrooge was reserved, to not be insulting, and didn’t like so much wherever Shadow came closer, pawing away his hands, sneezing or growling until she decided she wanted food.

He was certain that Ebeneeza Scrooge was a perfect name.

Though ¨¨Scary little bitch¨¨ wasn’t so far off the mark, either. It was just too long, and Scalibi was taken.

So far, everything normal, Right?

Now, Can somebody explain him what the fuck happened to that “normal” he just had?

It all started when not so long after he ushered the bears back to where they were sleeping, his back door started being scratched on.

He made the mistake of opening without checking properly.

8 raccoons ran in, closely followed by what he was certain where at least 10 bunnies. While he had been busy gaping like a dumbass, 4 giggling foxes squeezed past, as well as-- where those squirrels?

Yes, that definitely were 15 or something squirrels.

And a rat.

A big, fat as shit, and ugly looking rat.

He closed the door and put lock on it, racking his brain while trying to decide wherever he had ingested something strange or not during the day, but nothing came. He could not find any coherent reason about why had these animals decided to invade his house like this.

They had come searching for refuge in the past, that was true, but it was because of storm or something of the like….

Oh. Maybe it was what all of this was about? But, he hadn’t heard any thunder, and there was no rain.

Come to think about it, it hadn’t rained in like 4 days.

He didn’t… he didn’t have time to this.

Just as he was doing his best at calming down what looked like a hurt raccoon having a panic attack, and was actually and surprisingly succeeding in doing so, all hell broke loose when the window of his living room broke in a splash of glass, and 4 scared deer’s jumped into the house, cuts and stuck glass pieces making their blood come say hi. The rabbits went crazy, and the foxes started screeching and doing that weird pat-pat thing dogs do while happy.

He was sure the raccoon he was holding died of a heart attack for 4 agonizing seconds.

<<Same, buddy. >>

This was… this was bad.

Like really, really bad.

And of course, it just got worse when wolves jumped in, and the growling, or screaming in that fox’s case, started once again.

Was that fox… peeing in his floor!? OH SHIT IT WAS!

It wasn’t even 8 pm, what the actual fucking shit?!

Shadow felt like screaming. He breathed deeply, resisted the urge of biting his forearm or screeching like a banshee into his coffin like cushion, and exhaled, trying not to scare any of the already panicking animals around him, and to not succumb to his own panic in the middle of this disaster. He breathed once again.

Right. Cool head. Everything was going to be alright for as long as he didn’t succumb to his panic. It was easy. Totally.

Mh-hm…

Once he made sure the raccoon was actually breathing, he left it clung to his back as he made his way to his window, carefully stepping between the glass, rodents, and paws. The smell of blood was thicker in this part.

He wasn’t that surprised to see two heavily injured wolves in his front porch, panting as 3 young deers warily made their way over.

This was… going to be a long night of no sleep.

When he finished with the first wolf, he looked up to find Gumdrop looking back at him. Other 5 ravens and like 8 Macaws and other birds he didn’t knew the name of were trying to sleep in the couch support, and there were frogs hiding under his chairs.

4 wild cats and their 6 cubs where chilling by the door, and it seemed the wolves, deer’s, and Foxes came to an understanding and were keeping to themselves.

Shadow wondered if he could offer the rat to the wolves as a reward for not peeing, unlike others he was glaring to. He decided they were his favorites.

Convincing the deers to let him heal their injuries was tricky, but he managed after a while. He noticed that some of the cuts were made by claws, thick, strange claws he remember still, and not only by glass, as he had though.

He had to manually re-start the heart of a cub, two raccoons, a wolf, and 3 rabbits that night.

He found 3 quills into the fur of the animals that night.

Shadow… He really didn’t sleep. Even if the animals sounds or injuries had left him, the bone chilling howling he heard at 1 AM, and then later at 4 AM really gave him no option.

without anything else to do, he went out to run like every day, stepping into the thick foliage like usual. The sunlight barely made it to the ground, so everything was gloomy and humid still, not really reliable to walk around unless you knew the territory.

He found 4 strange dips into the earth, like the one he previously slipped on, and 1 wolf and 3 deer’s corpses.

One was destroyed, as if attacked in a fit of rage, and 2 of the deers were nothing but bones by now, munched on by this new creature he had not seen yet, and others scavengers of the zone. It had been clearly full by then, or at least coming closer to it, as the remaining one still had a lot on…Well.

Maybe saying “a lot” was being too generous.

Shadow couldn’t help but compare his own bite to it.

The difference was jarring. His lethal fangs were small in comparison, and his claws were but a joke.

He knew it could also mean nothing. Even if the creature was big, Shadow could still take it on, and win.

He breathed out slowly.

Shadow went back home early that day, trying to stop feeling as if something was staring at him.

He fed the bears, and did his best to help the animals inside eat something and lure them out.

A few looked scared, still. And Shadow, with a sinking emotion in his stomach, found he couldn’t blame them.

[b-ee-writes]

gumdrops & fairy lights pt 1

Filming in Fujishina! 

“I’m beginning to think that the world is just cruel,” The young girl hissed, kicking a pinecone into the bushes.  She stood out against the chaniwa garden around her--Her hair was a dark purple, and she was wearing darker, casual clothes.  Next to her stood a white girl with a much more earthy color scheme, holding a rabbit in her arms.

“Don’t be like that, Chiyo-chan!”  She chirped, nudging her with her hip.  Unlike Chiyo, who had a Japanese accent, she had American accent.  “Fate works in mysterious ways.  You could meet the love of your life today, tomorrow, or hell, maybe you’ve already met him.”  Chiyo rolled her eyes, hopping onto one of the stones.  “Besides, you did meet that super cute dude today.  What was his name again?” “I don’t want to talk about it.  He was so obnoxious.”  She turned on her heel, but didn’t face the other girl, her hand on her hip.  Her voice dropped as she imitated him.  “Ahhaha… You know, you could come to study with me anytime.  Y’know, since my grades are perfect.”  Her voice raised once more, and she groaned.  “I hate people like that.  It’s such a bratty move.”

“Yeah, but he was trying to help,” The second girl commented, hopping onto the stones herself and following her friend.  “Maybe you should give him a chance.”

“Maybe I will.  When horses grow wings and he rides upon one, dragging me into another dimension to be his bride.” The girl laughed, but as soon as they were done with their laughter, a horse burst through the trees, nearly making them both fall into the water.  Atop it was the boy, his ears suddenly pointed and his skin dotted with stars.  Chiyo’s jaw dropped as he jumped down, running towards her.

“My Queen!” He called, hopping on one of the stones and floating through the air before landing on the one she was on.  His arm wrapped around her waist, preventing her from falling.  “You may not remember now, but it is all part of the curse.  You must come with me--We have to return to Nichala before Dzambol runs it into the ground.”

“What--Hey!” She yelped as she was thrown over his shoulder, and he shot into the air, hopping back to the horse.

“Chiyo-chan!!” Her friend screeched, trying to hop after them, but her foot slipping out and falling into the water.

“Off!”  The horse took into the forest, while Chiyo reached desperately towards her friend.

“Mio-chan, hel--” And with that, they were gone into the forest.

“CUT!”  The director screeched, kicking her legs.  “That’s a wrap!”

There was light clapping, and the horse trotted back out from the forest.  Yuka sat up, pushing her purple hair out of her face with a big smile on it.  Now that felt right.  There was a handler scrambling up to take the horse, but Katashi

 hopped down with ease, helping Yuka back down.

“That was good.  You’re super light.” 

“Yeah, and you’re on strings.” She hit the strings that lifted him up and down once, giggling before pecking his cheek.  “Go get those off, I’m going to go help Ava out of the water.” 

“This shit be COLD,” Ava called, tossing the fake rabbit onto the shore.  Yuka giggled and hopped onto the stones, watching her friend be pulled out of the river.  They weren’t that far apart, but it had rained earlier, so it was fair to say that they were still a bit slippy-slidey.  She had the easiest part here, and she was thankful for it.  She jumped onto the shore, trotting over to the director.

“Everything looks good?”

“Absolutely, that was close to perfect.”  The director put her clipboard under her arm, hopping up and motioning Yuka to follow her, which she did without a moment’s hesitation.  “I can’t wait to see it in post.”

“I’m really looking forward to the pegasus CGI, if I’m being honest.”  The director gave a laugh, which hinted at nervous.

“So am I!  We busted our budget for it, so it better be good!” Yuka snorted, running a hand through her hair as she bounced next to the director.  “So, this is your hometown and your home country.  What should I do, what should I not do…?”

“Don’t call people by their first names if you don’t know them well.  Always just go by their last names and add -san to the end of it.  Don’t be too loud, be nice, anndd just don’t wear shoes in people’s houses, and you should be good!  Also, work on your Japanese.  I don’t think anyone speaks English in Fujishina.”  She chuckled lightly.

“I looked up a few things not to do, and asked around, so hopefully, I’m good.”

“I think you will be.  The cast studied a bit up on Japanese too, right?”

“We all did.  Required reading, I suppose.  If this takes off, we’re all going to have to learn Japanese.  Luckily for us, we already have you as a teacher.”  Yuka snorted, stopping by her trailer.  “Now, about work--You’ve heard of Gumdrop, right?” She had heard raving reviews, yeah.  She had always meant to go, but she never found herself having the time.

“Yeah, I have.  There’s one in LA, right?” 

“Yep.  Well, it’s a Japanese company, and the first one is here in Fujishana.”

“Fujishina.” 

“Sorry, Fujishina.  The first one is here, and we reached out to the manager of it, and it turns out that the CEO still runs it.”  Well, that was unheard of.  A CEO still working in their establishments.  Man, their staff had to be held up to the highest standard.  “It was… Surprisingly easy to get in contact with Amai.  Er--We don't’ know her last name, what should we call her?” 

“Amai-san would probably work best since you don’t actually know her.”  Yuka paused, staring suspiciously at her director.  “Why don’t you know her last name?  It seems like.. Something easily found out.”

“She’s anonymous.  Amai isn’t her real--Ah, er, Amai-san?” Yuka nodded encouragingly, and the director’s shoulders relaxed.  “It’s not her real name.  She hides everything about her real life, she even puts on a wig, contacts, and surgical mask.  There’s a rumor that she even has dresses to alter her body type ever so slightly so it’s harder to track her down.”  There was something about that that seemed… Odd.  Why would someone remain anonymous if they created a big enough trend to go international?  Didn’t she want the world to know who she was? 

“That’s a little weird.” The director shrugged. “I think it’s kind of cool.  She takes on a very Willy Wonka style role, and then walks the day as a civilian.  Like a candy superhero.  Anyways, the point was that we got in contact with… Amai...san and she said she’d be happy to let us use her shop as a place to film.”  The director seemed to bounce a bit, her eyes sparkling in the sunlight.  “She also said she’d give us a tour while they’re all working if we’d like one, and so, we’re getting a tour of this big production confectionary.” 

“Do they have a taffy machine??” Yuka questioned, leaning forward with a slight smile on her face.  The taffy machines were hands down the coolest things that she had ever seen, possibly in her entire life.

“I think so! They make taffy there, so I would assume so.” 

“That sounds so cool!! When are we going?”

“Tomorrow at one, so I’m really praying that filming doesn’t go over.  You better do a damn good job the first time around.”  Yuka snickered, opening the door to her trailer.

“You know I will!”

“Yeah, yeah.  See you tomorrow, Yuka.”

“That’s Yuka-chan to you!”  The director stuck out her tongue and walked off, waving to her.  She was quickly greeted by a staff member, who was apparently waiting for her.  Yuka shut the door to her trailer, locking the door behind her.  All she had to do now was go get changed, run back to the hotel to feed Boba, and then she could go hang out.

“Alright, bye, Boba!” She said a quick goodbye to her cat, who was eating her food without even glancing back at Yuka.  She shut the door, ensuring that it was locked before trotting off with her designer bag over her shoulder.  There were things she wanted to do in her hometown, but unfortunately, she did actually have things to do.  She was going with Katashi and Ava to the grocery store so they could get meals for the next few days.  Preferably microwavable, though the hotel did have a stove.  Being in a hotel was fun, but there was always a part of it that never felt like home.  They would get a rented apartment if the show was a hit, of course, but until that happened, it was best not to put money on that kind of stuff.

She trotted down to the lobby, a slight skip in her step as she approached Katashi and Ava.  “Hey, guys!”  They both looked at her and waved.  “Are we ready to go?”

“We were ten minutes ago, when we were supposed to leave,” Katashi mumbled, only to get kicked lightly by both Ava and Yuka.

“Beauty takes time.”

“Yeah, yeah, well, we already called the Uber when you said you were coming down.  The second time, which I presume was before you fed Boba, so they’re already here.” Well, at least a car was already there! 

“Great, let’s go.”  She walked out.  “Katash or I will talk to the Uber.  Ava, please don’t try.”

“My Japanese is flawless, Yuka.”

“Yuka-chan,” Katashi corrected, opening the door for them before getting in the front seat himself.  He greeted the driver in Japanese, speaking quickly and fluently to him before giving a thumbs up to them both.

“Okay, so, I did a bit of Facebook stalking on you, Yuka--Yuka-chan.” She insisted, sending a look at Katashi.

“Oh no.  What is it?”  Ava held out her phone, which had Yuka’s class picture on it.  God, it felt like so long ago.  “I look so bad in that.”

“Whatever.  Who are they all, who are you going to introduce us to, and can we go see your high school?”  Yuka hesitated, holding out her hand to get the phone again.  “I also have a few pictures of you just from the High School days, but, y’know, those might not be important to you.  I found a few with a few reoccurring people, though, and I wanna know who they are.”  Katashi let out a loud sigh, looking back at them.

“Give her some time to answer, Ava-chan.”

“Sorry, I’m excited!! This is her childhood!! I’d do the same to you if we went to Tokyo.” 

“Well, luckily for me, Tokyo is a city.  This is a town, no offense, Yuka-chan.  Tokyo is so big that we’d never be able to find any of my childhood friends.”  Ava stuck her tongue out.

“No offense taken.   It’s really small.”  She was busy swiping through Ava’s phone, looking at the way too many pictures that she had saved of Yuka’s most awkward picture-taking period.

“But really, who are we gonna meet?” “I don’t know who even still lives here.  I could ask Sayaka-chan if she’d like to meet up.  I believe she’s like, a town over.  Or maybe even the twins.” Ava gasped, dramatically leaning ridiculously close to Yuka.

“Twins?!”

“You have a picture of them with me.” She swiped a few, holding it out.  It was her with her old friend group, sitting together in a tree.  There were five of them.  “See the two with black hair?  The girl holding the whiteboard and sticking her tongue out, and the dude that’s holding up a peace sign.  Yasha-chan and Yaku-Kun.  They were both really obsessed with Sayaka-chan, who’s right there.  Yasha-chan is a really amazing singer, but she um… She had vocal nodules, and the surgery went badly, so she’s holding the whiteboard to help communicate until she could figure out sign language.”  Sayaka was smiling sweetly, with her legs crossed on the branch.

“Who’s that girl?”  Ava zoomed in on the last girl, who was sitting at the base of the tree with her hand covering her face lazily.  Yuka was hanging upside down next to her, trying to get her hand off.

“Oh, that’s Yumi-chan.”  Saying her name aloud for the first time in a few years was weird.  It sent an odd emotion into her stomach.  Partially sad, partially something else… It wasn’t a feeling that she liked.  It made her feel wrong.  She was quiet for a moment, and Ava leaned in.

“And??”

“What?” “Well, you said something about every single one of them except for her, which you’re arguably closer to.”  Yuka glanced at the picture of her and Yumi one more time, the feelings flooding back.  It wasn’t nostalgia, though that was part of it.

“Yeah.  She was my best friend back then.”  She was met with silence, and huffed.  “She was into Occult, if that’s a fact you wanted.” 

“Woah, there, calm it.” Katashi mentioned.  Yuka looked at him, not even realizing that she had snapped at them until that moment.  Why did she do that?  The feeling was back.  She didn’t like it at all.  “It was just weird.  She’s being nice.”

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m sorry, Ava-chan.” Ava gave a sweet smile in her direction, but there was wariness behind it.  Ava was sensitive--Snapping at her for being energetic could hurt her.  “I really am.  I shouldn’t have snapped, she just…”  She took a deep breath.  “Yumi-chan and I grew apart when I left for America.  I haven’t talked to her in years, and it just feels weird to even look at her again.”  The car was quiet, and Ava very gently asked,

“Do you miss her?”

“... I guess I do.  We got along really well.”  Yuka gave a gentle chuckle, reaching into her bag and grabbing her wallet, flipping through a few pictures of her new, American friends and stopping at the second to last, holding it out to Ava.  “She’s still in my wallet, actually.”  It was a picture of the two hugging, and Yumi’s face was actually present in the picture.  “One of the only pictures she would take with me.  She was shy.”

“Maybe she still lives around here,” Katashi mentioned.  “You should reach out.”  The feeling stabbed Yuka in the heart like she had been shot with an arrow.

“I--I would, but--I thought I saw something about her moving.”

“It’s still worth a shot--Oh, we’re here.”  All three of them thanked the driver, and Yuka apologized for Ava’s shaky Japanese, clarifying what she had actually said.  The three walked into the supermarket, and Katashi grabbed a cart. “If you miss her, you should hit her up.  The whole country of Japan is like… The size of Cali, and don’t even argue that Cali is big and so is here, because we went on a road trip to Toronto to see Janie when she was in a film up there.” Ava crossed her arms, a cocky expression on her face as she disproved the one point that Yuka would have.  But little did they know, she had another card up her sleeve. 

“I’m not ready yet.  I need to give it a bit more time.”  There was no arguing with that.  The two glanced at each other, and their eyes admitted defeat.  “Now, frozen meals?”

“Fineeeee.  Also, I want Pocky.  Do they have it here?”

“Duh.  Ooh, we should totally grab some good sushi, too.”

“Cali has good sushi.”

“Yeah, but it’s not as good as in Japan,” Katashi brought up.  “But, uh… Yuka-chan, don’t you think we could just go?  I mean, no offense, but she,” He motioned to Ava.  “Doesn’t know the first thing about chopstick etiquette.”

“Yes, I do!  I brought the thinggie that they give me at Kobe to make using chopsticks easier.”  She puffed her chest out in pride, a beaming smile on her face.  Neither of them had the heart to tell her, no, but she looked at Katashi, who raised his eyebrows, and quickly stumbled out a, “But!  I think you two should go together.  Alone.  Because.  Uh… You’re both natively Japanese, and that’s… Culture that you can share?”  She raised her eyebrows at Katashi, who nodded.

“It is.”  Yuka giggled, brushing her hair out of her face and ignoring the blush on it.

“Fine, but only because you can’t speak a lick of Japanese.”

“I’m figuring it out!”

“Your accent is God Awful, Ava-chan, don’t play.”  Katashi dropped down, grabbing a box of ramen, an essential for living out of a hotel.

“Aha!  No, you’re wrong, er, Katashi-chan!” 

“Kun.  It’s Katashi-kun, it’s the masculine version.”  Yuka shook her head, walking off to find almond milk.  She was pretty much off dairy to keep herself from being bloated, but it’s not like she was allergic or anything.

She glanced back to make sure that her co-stars were following her and once assuring they were, began to wander the perimeter.  It was odd to be back in her home country, to see all the familiar texts that she had grown up with.  She had gotten so used to America that this seemed almost odd to her.  But it was also warm and familiar.  She spotted the milk, and her pace began to quicken, but slowed as she approached.  There was a girl standing there, contemplating her milk choices.  She had black hair that almost had deep purple and brown undertones.  It was cut into a bob, and actually quite thick.  That was such a nice color.  Never for Yuka--too dark, but very complimentary on the pale, lengthy girl’s skin tone.  She was really tall for a girl in Japan, too.  She was about to walk over next to her when a second girl approached, notably shorter than the milk girl.  But Yuka’s heart stopped as she saw her.

Rai Kanna--Or, in American order, Kanna Rai.  The girl that bullied Yumi.  She was pulling over a cart, tapping the girl.  Yuka ducked behind an aisle, trying to listen in to their conversation.  Katashi and Ava seemed to slip in behind her, as she felt two presences.

“What are you doing?”

“That’s Rai-san,” Yuka hissed, feeling the familiar sense of hatred bubbling in her chest.  “She was cruel in high school.  Bullied my best friend.” 

“Yumi?” Ava asked curiously and then proceeded to add, “-chan?” at the end. 

“San, but close.  Now shhh!! I’m busy listening.”  Katashi rolled his eyes.

“Just get milk later.” “Shhh!!” She put a hand over his mouth and leaned forward.

“You’re such a dork.  God, why do I even hang around you?” Kanna pushed at the milk girl, sending Yuka’s rage into a spiral.  But when the girl’s shoulder turned, and her face was revealed, everything in her just went still, falling into her stomach.

“Stop it,” Yumi mumbled, taking a step back from her.  Yuka’s jaw dropped, and Ava looked between her and the scene.

“Who is that?  Do you know her?”

“That’s Akumu Yumi.”  She whispered, looking over at her friends.  “That’s my Yumi-chan.”

[darkmindsthinktwistedthoughts]

Devil’s Temptation pt11

Warnings: Mob Styling warlords, Strong language

Masterlist

---

Chapter 11 – Spiral

“I don’t care about any of that just find her!” Takahiro’s voice roared in the loft space. He had been on his phone non-stop since discovering her disappearance. He snapped his cell phone shut and threw it on the coffee table as he took a crouched seat on the edge of the couch and ran his hands through his black hair in frustration.

It had not been easy to get out of that tunnel after the authorities had started to show up. Whoever had created such a disruption was clearly a very capable fixer. Who did this? Seriously the more I think of it the more it points to a professional. Once the official flashing lights and sirens turned up it was only thanks to the lingering smoke in the air that Takahiro and his men had managed to slip past them and returned to their vehicles. When the police knocked on the doors to check on the occupants it was easy enough to blag their way through the questions and be sent home pending further enquires.

There was no coverage in the local papers. The police had at least locked down that possibility. It was deemed an attack by an activist group and it was widely accepted that publicising such a thing would only generate the result that was desired for them by giving them publicity so the whole incident was covered with a gag order. It was one less thing to arrange. That worked just fine for him. 

At first, he had thought that she had just been spooked and had left the limo even though he had told her not to because of the gunfire. She was always running. He remembered her as a child when the families got together for talks all the children were thrown together and told to socialise. We were the futures of our families. Each one of us had an insane level of pressure and responsibility on our shoulders. There was no denying that it was a different and easier time though. Although even back then he was aware of the shadows. How they shifted in favour of one child above the others. As different as those times were, they were still riddled with dangers. Grr… where is she?

“Here’s your coffee.” The soft chink of the mug being placed on the table dragged Takahiro out of his thoughts. “You might want to charge that soon that battery must be almost dead.”

“Probably right. At this point, it's less a cell phone and more a space heater.” Takahiro sighed as he picked up the freshly brewed coffee and took a sip. The bitter taste did nothing to remove the already bitter feelings that had been surging in him. Where in the seven hells is that girl? Not one of the people out searching for her can find any trace of her. The CCTV feed doesn’t show her leaving the tunnel from either direction. So, she either didn’t leave the tunnel or she was taken out some other way.

No doubt his men that were out searching will report back soon. If there was a different route out, he would soon know. But if someone took her… His mind wandered to the agreement.

“Is there a chance she ran away again?” Shin asked the concern he felt beginning to show more as he watched how unravelled his partner had become in his increasingly frantic search. It would not be long before news of the runaway fiancé got back to the supposed to be father in law, and that was going to start a whole new issue. Shin knew it as much as Takahiro did. When agreements go bad its terrible. When official agreements go bad, you might as well as never been born.

“There is always a chance but I don’t think so.” Takahiro muttered staring into his mug.

“Because it seemed like it was planned?” Shin pushed a little. If there was any way he could help he wanted too. It was his duty as the right-hand man but also his privilege as a lover to relieve the stresses of a situation if it was within his ability to do so.

“That and the circumstances are different. This time she agreed. No, this has to be something to do with someone else. It has to be.”

---

Whatever colour the food had been it was now a swirling indistinguishable mess. The more the spoon dredged through the mixture the greyer it became. Mitsuhide did not have an appetite, and it was similar for the other men in the room too.

Breakfast was as lavish as ever. Masa had not exactly been eating more than usual himself but one thing the guy did when upset was cook. There was always a lot of food but right now it looked like he could have fed every member of staff in the building.

“[Name]’s hardly touched this tray either. I can understand her being upset but I wish she’d eat more.” Hideyoshi announced as he re-entered the room after collecting yet another tray. “She hasn’t opened the door to say anything since then either. I hope she’s ok.” Mitsuhide kept his eyes trained on the swirling mess in his bowl. Of course, she isn’t eating much, She’s feeling terrible again and it's all our… no, it’s all my fault.

“The Lass is in shock she’ll come around eventually.” Masa looked concerned as well.

Glancing over at Mitsuhide who had been sitting in the same position for what felt like forever. Masa grimaced at the sight of the breakfast he had prepared being reduced to… well, whatever that was. It certainly wasn’t food anymore. It took talent to turn something edible into something that just looked like lumpy grey paste. He didn’t have it in him to call the other man out on it and instead averted his eyes over to the food at the side wondering what meals he could make with the leftovers.

“I hope she feels better soon. Did you see her face when she left? It looked like she was crying.” Mitsunari sounded as if he was a lamenting prince that had stepped right out of a romance novel. Always the reliable good guy. I wonder if you have ever broken a girl’s heart into a million pieces. Or perhaps you have and just never noticed. How many girls had been broken by little oblivious Nari?

“How is it you can pick up on that and you are incapable of seeing how annoyed you make me?” Ieyasu sighed in frustrated wonder.

One thing you could count on when surrounded by this group was that at some point something like this was only ever one comment away from travelling down the path of family squabbling.

“Thank you for pointing out my failures Ieyasu I shall try harder so you can be prouder of me.” Mitsunari beamed with all his optimism at the fluffy haired blonde sitting next to him.

“At no point have I ever said I was proud of you.” Yasu instantly went on the defensive. How cute, the fluffy hedgehog is playing with the puppy again.

“Is that so? Well, I shall try to live up to your expectations in order to change that.” Mitsunari gazed down at his plate as he mulled over what he had just been told.

In all their years working together, he was the one out of the group who always strived for improvement. He was diligent to a fault. The fault usually being that he would be so totally lost in study that he failed to survive without interference from Hideyoshi. He really is like a pet.

“What might help is if you hang around each other more.” Masa chuckled as he added to Yasu’s torment.

“Kill me now.” Yasu sulked looking a little like someone had just poured a whole basket of lemons on his head and told him to suck one.

It was a strange atmosphere. no one was what you could call happy, so there was no lively light-hearted feeling to the room. But at the same time, everyone seemed to be attempting to make an effort to remain as normal as possible. The phrase “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” crossed Mitsuhide’s mind as he sat there poking his blended meal around its bowl.

“Mitsuhide.”

“Mm?” Mitsuhide looked up at Hideyoshi who had moved next to him at some point during the morning’s entertainment.

“How are you holding up?” Hideyoshi’s worried gaze was too much. There he is in all his mothering glory. Oh no, you don’t its unsettling when you look at me like that. I neither want nor deserve your pity.

“Oh? Do I qualify for mother’s attention? I’m touched… truly.” Mitsuhide smirked. There is a limit to how much of this… treatment you can take. It is not so much a question of how, but when do you blow up? Are you aware that this is one of my most favourite games?

“You might be able to pull everyone else’s strings but it doesn’t work on me.” Yoshi stood tall in an attempt to be intimidating. Do you really think such tricks work on me? In all these years have such tactics ever worked on me?

“Really? And there was me about to compliment you on being a rather good marionette.” The spark in his yellow eyes flashed as he delivered his retort.

“If you can tease, you’re probably fine.” Hideyoshi visibly tensed. “Honestly I just wish she was…” It was clear he was too tired and full of concern over all the events that were still playing out like a badly orchestrated soap opera to really wish to retaliate. And that was just fine with Mitsuhide. All the joy I derive from such digressions I find has curiously left me bereft of a desire to pursue them today.

“You wish she was the little girl you remembered? All smiles and gumdrops and rainbows? You cannot turn back time Yoshi dear… as much as we may wish too.” Mitsuhide finally let go of the spoon in his hand and picked up his now stone-cold coffee, drinking it as he looked out the window at the storm clouds closing in. You aren’t the only one to wish things were different Yoshi. I would give anything for things to be different right now.

---

Food was flavourless. It hadn’t been like that since, well since she thought she had processed everything from back then. Any semblance of normalcy she had regained evaporated the minute she saw that spectre in the tunnel. I tried telling myself what happened wasn’t my fault. Every time I woke up for that brief moment when I was happy, caught between sleep and consciousness I thought I could feel him next to me. How many times did I pray to just be left in that state?

It was raining pretty hard outside now. The heavy droplets pelted the glass and trickled down.

“Tears from the sky.” She traced a finger on the glass following the traces of moisture as they fell. “I no longer have any left in me to shed.”

Trays of food were brought and left at her door it was the same as before and yet different. This time they weren’t strangers. She knew them. She also thought that they were her friends to a degree. But what kind of friend sees the pain you are going through, knows something that could make it better and doesn’t speak a word? Was it as they said and they didn’t know until after the funeral? Even if it’s the case they could have still said something when they sent over her things. Anything would have been better than nothing at all. wouldn’t it? Would it?

Her thoughts were all messed up. Nothing seemed to be following a single path of logical thought for long before it was derailed and sent off in a spiralling tangent. Appetite was gone, her mind likewise. Seriously what next? I feel like I managed to escape the frying pan only to jump head first into a towering inferno. [Name] picked up her cup of forgotten tea and realised all the heat of it had gone. How symbolic.

She sighed as she moved to the kitchen and poured the contents down the sink. I could make another but I think I’d rather take a bath and see if that helps. Just as she was moving to the bedroom to undress a firm knock at the door interrupted her plans. If I ignore it, they will go away.

– Knock, Knock –

Or not…

“[Name]”

Huh? What can he want?...

“[Name] I am not in the habit of repeating myself. Open the door.”

---

[daddysfangirls-marvel]

Black, white, & Gray (5)

Pairing: Loki x reader

Warning: fluff, children, 

Word: 1134

Summary: reader  is a prisoner in a high security prison in the Stark Tower, and she is incredibly dangerous, and Loki is being brought in by the avengers and he wonders why she is in there, They escape together and travel the Galaxy and then just stop on a planet and like start a new life but then Thor finds them and calls them to help on Earth and everyone sees how good they are afterwards and just lets them start a secret family Europe or something

1 | 2 | 3 | 4| 5 | 6- on going

It had been total of 6 years since (y/n) and Loki’s adventure of life in space had begun. They had 3 children now the oldest Anastasia being 5 years old and the two youngest William and Natalia, Twins, being 2 years old. Though the two tried to settle down with their family it was never easy for them to find a place. It was a dangerous planet, the people didn’t accept humans, they didn’t accept Loki, or the species ate children. Either wat settling down was not an option so instead of struggling to find a new home they bought a bigger ship and called that home. The children didn’t mind they got to see something new every day, they were also four and two so they really couldn’t care. 

Along the way (y/n) and Loki had made friends Nebula, Juuzou, Todoroki, Gon, and Killua. Nebula and Loki had a bad history or connect that they bonded over so they weren’t really friends but gave each other a helping hand. Todoroki was from the planet Xandar his father was a mad scientist who experimented on him he escaped a 16 and has just been planet hopping ever since. Killua is a 12-year-old intergalactically child assassin it was the family business but ditched it to travel with Gon. Gon he was half human half-celestial being snatched from earth as a baby sold to the highest bidder living a happily alien life, now traveling the galaxy at 12 years old. Juuzou he’s the strongest out of everyone 100% human snatched off earth sold and tortured he is 19 now and an ex-Nova Corps soldier now.

These were the strange people they meet and stayed in contact with. They come and went as they pleased except Juuzou he stayed with them and basically joined the family as the 4th and oldest child. But he didn’t mind.

“Juuzou gets ready we’re landing” (y/n) called through the intercom as they got into the planet’s atmosphere “Hold on Babies mommy’s flying”.

“You’ve gotten much better” Loki commented as she landed without a swerve, jerk, or bump.

“Thank you. Took 3 kids and a wedding but the compliment finally came” (y/n) said sarcastically Loki chuckled unbuckling himself he kissed her forehead.

“I’m taking Juuzou with me to see the buyer. Be back in on hour two tops” Loki said as he packed his back and kissed the children.

 “I’m going to walk around a bit with the children. Remember to hide your face.” she kissed his forehead “ this planet doesn’t like you”

“Thank you love that is- that is really not helpful. Appreciate it.”

“I knew you would. Now go get my money”.

-

(Y/n) giggled as she took pictures of the children eating the planets most popular dessert William was making a complete mess of his face and hands good thing they wore bibs.

“Mommyyyyyyyyy he’s trying to touch my dress. Mommy makes him stop” Anastasia cried as her brother made grabby hands towards her (y/n) just laughed and started recording. 

Suddenly Juuzou jumped out of nowhere scaring the children on to their butts. Natalia was genially scared and crying whereas William was pissed and screaming and Anastasia was laughing at it all. (y/n) decided to stop recording them. 

“You look like a terrible mother,” Loki said stepping forward in disguises looking at the terrible scene in front of him. 

“I think I’m doing great. They’re well rested, fed, they were clean. Alive … I might traumas them later on in life but hey. The best people were neglected and abused”

“Says who?!”

“the hero's handbook. Take Thor for example and Natasha, Steve, Bruce, Bucky”

“I see your point. You don’t plan on abusing or neglecting our kids, right?”

“Nah I think a traumatic event will do the trick” Loki shook his head

The two sat on fountain watching as Juuzou ran around playing. “Loki, I’ve been meaning to ask”

“yes, love?”

“Why are you disguised as a woman...again?” she turned to look at him …or her. The woman next to her was basically the female twin to Loki. Tall, dark shoulder length hair, soft hands, short dress, long coat, knee-high boots and a body figure that made (y/n) attracted and jealous all at once.

“There are several explanations this time,” Loki said like he planned it.

“Alright so tell me” (y/n) folder her arms and waited.

“1) My disguise no one will know I’m the god of mischief with these breast they’ll just be attracted, 2) The buyer was male looking like this I got a higher sale price, 3) T get everyone’s attention and you know I like attention, 4)… Look at me I’m hot even you’re attracted to me. We could experiment with this”.

(y/n) laughed kissing his or her cheek. The kids didn’t say anything they had already grown used to their fathers’ shapeshifting and gender fluidness. This was no the first time Loki was a woman nor would it be the last.

(y/n) turned Loki’s head so she was looking  at her looking into her eyes “ Have I told you how much I love you?”

“no, not today,” Loki said with a smirk

“well I do” she laughed and kissed her.

Brother.

The two stopped kissing hearing the voices of Thor looking around they couldn’t find him. Brother. “You hear that right?” (y/n) asked thinking she had finally snapped and gone mental. 

“You’re not mental I hear it too”

“Brother” now it was out loud. The two looked up to see Thor standing in front of them “brother”

“Thor? what are you doing here, how did you get here?” Loki stood up

“I may not be as magical as you, brother but I know enough to do this...what’s with the the-never mind. I need your help please return to earth”

“to earth so what you can imprison again” (y/n) stood up. Thor was shocked seeing her there but quickly recovered.

“It has been almost 6 years why would we come to arrest you 6 years later”

“because you couldn’t find us” logical answer 

“Heimdall has been watching you”

“because... the Avengers are jerks and just waited until we were happy to become petty. I don’t care how cool your cape is or how pretty your hair looks flowing in the wind we’re not going” (y/n) put her foot down.”

“(y/n) darling, shh. We’ll come” (y/n) looked at Loki hand on her heart completely shocked.

“Thank you, brother”

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[lesbiandisaster17]

{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. {Laughing} Like that's ever gonna happen. {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes} What a load of - Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead The years start comin' and they don't stop comin' Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin' Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey, now You're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire How 'bout yours That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored Hey, now, you're an all-star {Shouting} Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold {Belches} Go! Go! {Record Scratching} Go. Go.Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold -Think it's in there? -All right. Let's get it! -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. {Laughs} -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint. Now, ogres - - They're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. -No! -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! {Gasping} -Right. {Roaring} {Shouting} {Roaring} {Whispers} This is the part where you run away. {Gasping} {Laughs} {Laughing} And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." {Sighs} {Man's voice} All right. This one's full. -Take it away! {Gasps} -Move it along. Come on! Get up! -Next! -Give me that! Your fiying days are over. That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! -Get up! Come on! -Twenty pieces. {Thudding} -Sit down there! -Keep quiet! {Crying} -This cage is too small. -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! -Oh, shut up. -Oh! -Next! -What have you got? -This little wooden puppet. -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. -Father, please! Don't let them do this! -Help me! -Next! What have you got? -Well, I've got a talking donkey. {Grunts} -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. -Oh, go ahead, little fella. -Well? -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - - -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. -Get her out of my sight. -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! {Gasps} -Hey! I can fly! -He can fly! -He can fly! -He can talk! -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Oh-oh. {Grunts} -Seize him! -After him! He's getting away! {Grunts, Gasps} {Man} -Get him! This way! Turn! -You there. Orge! -Aye? -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility. -Oh, really? You and what army? {Gasps, Whimpering} {Chuckles} -Can I say something to you? -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa! -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. -Oh, that's great. Really. -Man, it's good to be free. -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. {Roaring} -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - {Mumbling} Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. -Why are you following me? -I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone There's no one here beside me My promlems have all gone There's no one to deride me But you gotta heve friends - - -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? -Uh - - Really tall? -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? -Nope. -Really? -Really, really. -Oh. -Man, I like you. What's you name? -Uh, Shrek. -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? -That would be my home. -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. -I guess you don't entertain much, do you? -I like my privacy. -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. -Can I stay with you? -Uh, what? -Can I stay with you, please? -Of course! -Really? -No. -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! -Okay! Okay! But one night only. -Ah! Thank you! -What are you - - No! No! -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. -Oh! -Where do, uh, I sleep? -Outside! -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. {Sniffles} -Here I go. -Good night. {Sighs} -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone There's no one here beside me {Bubbling} {Sighs} {Creaking} {Sighs} -I thought I told you to stay outside. -I'm outside. {Clattering} -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? -It's not home, but it'll do just fune. -What a lovely bed. -Got ya. {Sniffs} I found some cheese. -Ow! {Grunts} -Blah! Awful stuff. -Is that you, Gorder? -How did you know? -Enough! What are you doing in my house? {Grunts} -Hey! {Snickers} -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. -Huh? {Gusps} {Male voice} What? -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I have to do get a little privacy? -Aah! -Oh, no. No! No! {Cackling} -What? -Quit it. -Don't push. {Squeaking} {Lows} - What are you doing in my swamp? {Echoing} Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! {Gasping} -Oh, dear! -Whoa! -All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! -Quickly. Come on! -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. -Oh! {Sighs} -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. -Oh, gosh, no one invited us. -What? -We were forced to come here. -By who? -Lord Farquaad. -He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice. {Sighs} -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? {Murmuring} -Oh, I do. I know where he is. -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? -Me! Me! -Anyone? -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! {Sighs} -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! {Cheering} {Twittering} -Oh! You! You're comin' with me. - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. -Hey. Oh, oh! -I can't wait to get on the road again. -What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Can I hum it? -All right, hum it. {Humming} {Grunts} {Whimpering} -That's enough. He's ready to talk. {Coughing} {Laughing} {Clears throat} -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! -You are a monster. -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me!{Grunts} -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll - - -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. -All right then. Who's hiding them? -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? -The muffin man? -The muffin man. -Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin man. -The muffin man? -The muffin man! -She's married to the muffin man. {Door opens} -My lord! We found it. -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. {Man grunting} {Gasping} -Oh! -Magic mirror - - -Don't tell him anything! -No! {Ginerbread man whispers} -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? -Well, technically you're not a king. -Uh, Thelonius. -You were saying? -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one.  All you have to do is marry a princess. -Go on. {Chuckles} -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! -So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? -Two! Two! -Three! Three! -Two! Two! -Three! -Three? One? {Shudders} Three? --Three! Pick number three, my lord! -Okay, okay, uh, number three! -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. If you like pina coladas And getting caught in the rain -Princess Fiona. If you're not into yoga -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. -I'll do it. -Yes, but after sunset - - -Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. -Uh-huh. That's the place. -Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? {Laughs} {Groans} -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. -Hey, you! {Screams} -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - {Whimpering} {Sighs} {Whimpering, Groans} {Turnstile clatters} {Chuckles} {Sighs} -It's quiet. Too quiet. {Creaking} -Where is everybody? -Hey, look at this! {Clattering, whirring, clicking} Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect ...... place {Camera shutter clicks {Whirring} -Wow! Let's do that again! -No. No. No, no, no! No. {Trumpet fanfare} {Crowd cheering} -Brave knights. -You are the best and brightest in all the land. -Today one of you shall prove himself - - -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. -Sorry about that. {Cheering} -That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. {Cheering} -Let the tournament begin! {Gasps} -Oh! -What is that? {Gasping} -It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named champion! Have it him! -Get him! -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. -Go ahead! Get him! -Can't we just settle this over a pint? -Kill the beast! -No? All right then. Come on! I don't give a damn about my reputation You're living in the past It's a new generation -Damn! {Whinnying} A girl can do what she wants to do And that's what I'm gonna do And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station -Ah! {Laughs} And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun -Yeah! And I don't have to please no one -The chair! Give him the chair! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me {Bell dings} {Cheering} {Laughs} -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! {Shrek laughs} {Crowd gasping, murmuring} -Shall I give the order, sir? -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! -What? -Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. -Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures! {Crowd murmuring} -Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. -Exactly the way it was? -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. -What kind of quest? -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. -Is that about right? -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole orge trip. -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? -Uh, no, not really, no. -For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think. -Example? -Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions. -{Sniffs} They stink? -Yes - - No! -They make you cry? -No! -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. {Sighs} -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. -I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes. -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. -You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh And everything that you receive up yonder Is what you give to me the day I wander I'm on my way I'm on my way I'm on my way -Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's brimstone We must be getting close. -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. {Rumbling} -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. {Laughing} -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers? -Oh, aye. -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. -Wait a second.  Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! -Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. -Really? -Really, really. -Okay, that makes me feel so much better. -Just keep moving. And don't look  down. -Okay, don't look  down. Don't look  down. Don't look  down. Keep on moving. Don't look  down. {Gasps} -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! -But you're already halfway. -But I know that half is safe! -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. -Shrek, no! Wait! -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? -Don't do that! -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh, this? -Yes, that! -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. {Screams} -No, Shrek! No! Stop it! -You said do it! I'm doin' it. -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. -Cool. -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. {Chuckles} -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. {Water dripping, wind howling} -You afraid? -No. -But - - - Shh. -Oh, good. Me neither. {Gasps} -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. {Gasps} -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. -What makes you think she'll be there? -I read it in a book once. -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. {Creacing} -I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. -Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - -Dragon! {Screams} {Gasps} {Roars} -Donkey, look out! {Screams} {Whimpering} -Got ya! {Roars} {Gasps} {Shouts} -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! {Screaming} {Gasps} -Oh! Aah! Aah! {Gasping} {Crowls} -No. Oh, no, No! {Screams} -Oh, what large teeth you have. {Crowls} -I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got  there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - (Coughs) -I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! {Gasps} {Whimpering} -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! {Groans, Sighs} {Vocalizing} -Oh! Oh! -Wake up! -What? -Are you Princess Fiona? -I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? -Mm-hmm. {Screams, grunts} -But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! -I don't think so. -Can I at least know the name of my champion? -Um, Shrek. -Sir Shrek. {Cleans throat} -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. -Thanks! {Roaring} -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's on my to-do list. Now come on! {Screams} -But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. -Yeah, right before they burst into flame. -That's not the point. Oh! -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. -Well, I have to save my ass. -What kind of knight are you? -One of a kind. -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. {Laughs} -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - -  Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - -  I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! {Growls} {Roaring} {Gasps} -Hi, Princess! -It talks! -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. {Screams} {Screaming} -Oh! {Thuds} {Groans} {Roars} {Roaring} -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. {Fchoing} -Run! {Gasping} {Screaming} {Roaring} {Screams} {Roars} {Panting, sighs} {Whimpers} {Roars} -You did it! -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. {Clears throat} -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. -Uh, no. -Why not? -I have helmet hair. -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. -But how will you kiss me? -What? That wasn't in the job description. -Maybe it's a perk. -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Well, yes. {Laughing} -You think Shrek is your true love! -What is so funny? -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay? -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take ot off. -No! -Now! -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. -You- - You're a- - an orge. -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an orge. {Sighs} -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. -Then why didn't he come rescue me? -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - his pet. -So much for noble steed. -You're not making my job any easier. -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? -I'm right behind ya. -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what happens when you find your - -  Hey! {Sighs} -The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? -Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. {Laughs} -I don't know. There are those who think little of him. -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. -Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. -I need to find somewhere to camp now! {Birds wings fluttering} {Grunting} -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. -No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. -Homey touches? Like what? {Crashing} -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. -I said good night! -Shrek, What are you doing? {Laughs} -I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. {Fire cracking} -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. -Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. -I know you're making this up. -No, look. There he is,  and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. -That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. {Sighs} -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? -Our swamp? -You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my land. -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. -No, do ya think? -Are you hidin' something? -Never mind, Donkey. -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Why are you blocking? -I'm not blocking. -Oh, yes, you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who you trying to keep out? -Everyone! Okay? -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. -Oh! For the love of Pete! -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly orge. -Yeah, I know. -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? -That's the moon. -Oh, okay. {Orchestra} {Dulcimer} -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. -Hmph. -Ah. Perfect. {Inhales} {Snoring} {Vocalizing} {Whistling} {Sizzling} {Sniffs, yawns} -Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. --Come on, baby. I said I like it. -Donkey, wake up. -Huh? What? -Wake up. -What? -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? -Good morning, Princess! -What's all this about? -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. -Uh, thanks. {Sniffs} -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. {Belches} -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs} -Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. {Belches} -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected. -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. {Vocalizing} -La liberte! Hey! -Princess! {Laughs} -What are you doing? -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green - - {Kissing sounds} -beast. -Hey! -That's my princess! Go find you own! -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? -Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! -Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry Men. {Laughs} {Accordion} Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. I steal from the rich and give to the needy. He takes a wee percentage, But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good What a guy, Monsieur Hood Break it down I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid What he's basically saying is he likes to get - - Paid So When an orge in the bush grabs a lady by the tush That's bad That's bad When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad He's mad He's really, really mad I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start {Grunts, Groans} {Karate Yell} {Merry Men Gasping} {Panting} -Man, that was annoying! -Oh, you little- - {Karate Yell} {Accordion} {Shouting, groaning} {Chuckles} -Uh, shall we? -Hold the phone. {Grunts} Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? -What? -That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? -Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt! -What? Oh, would you look at that? -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. -Donkey, I'm okay. -You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -{Both} Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of Donkey. -Ah. -Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. -No, it's tender. -Now, hold on. -What you're doing is the opposite of help. -Don't move. -Look, time out. -Would you - - {Grunts} -Okay. What do you propose we do? -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. -Ow! -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! -Ow! Not good. -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. {Grunts} -It's just about - - -Ow! Ohh! -Ahem. -Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - Ugh! -Ow! -Hey, what's that? {Nervous chickle} -That's- - Is that blood? {Sighs} {Bird chirping} {Grunts} My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Gets us through all kinds of weather -Aah! She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean {Croaks} Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh -Hey! La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la {Both laughing} La-la, la-la, la-la -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. -That's DuLoc? -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something,  which I think means he has a really - - Ow! -Um, I, uh- -  I guess we better move on. -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. {Blubbering} -What? -I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead. -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, {Bones crunch} -Ow! See? -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? -Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style. -No kidding. Well, this is delicious. -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. {Chuckling} {Sighs} -I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. {Gulps} -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. {Chuckles} -I'd like that. {Slurps, laughs} See the pyramids along the Nile -Um, Princess? Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle -Yes, Shrek? -I, um, I was wondering. Just remember, darling all the while -Are you- - You belong to me {Sighs} -Are you gonna eat that? {Chuckles} -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. -Sunset? -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. {Shrek sighs} -Good night. -Good night. {Door creaks} -Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. -Oh, what are you talkin' about? -I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - -An orge? -Yeah. An orge. -Hey, where you goin'? -To get... move firewood. {Sighs} -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? {Wings fluttering} -Princess? {Creaking} {Gasps} -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. {Screams} -Aah! -Oh, no! -No, help! -Shh! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -No, it's okay. It's okay. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, I'm the princess. -Aah! -It's me, in this body. -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me? -Donkey! -Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! -No! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -Shh. -Shrek! -This is me. {Muffled mumbling} -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. -I'm ugly, okay? -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - -No. -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. -It's only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's a spell. {Sighs} -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. {Sobs} -All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? -I have to.  Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. -But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. -Shrek? -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh - - {Sighs} -I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. -I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. {Gasps} -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. {Deep sigh} -Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? -Promise you won't tell. Promise! -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. -Look at my eye twitchin'. {Door opens} {Snoring} -I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - {Snoring} -Shrek. Are you all right? -Perfect! Never been better. -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. -You heard what I said? -Every word. -I thought you'd understand. -Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" -But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah? Well, it does. {Gasps, sighs} -Ah, right on time. {Horse whinnies} -Princess, I've brought you a little something. {Fanfare} {Yawns} -What'd I miss? What'd I miss? {Muffled} -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. -Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. -Take it and go before I change my mind. -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. {Snaps fingers} -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell. -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the orge. It's not like it has feelings. -No, you're right. It doesn't. -Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. {Gasps} -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! -Fare-thee-well, orge. -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. -Yeah? So what? -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But I thought - - -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong! -Shrek. I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do ya It goes like this the fourth, the fifth The minor fall the major lift The baffled king composing hallelujah Hallelujah,  hallelujah Baby, I've been here before I know this room I've walked this floor I used to live alone before I knew you I've seen your flag on the marble arch But love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah Hallelujah,  hallelujah And all I ever learned from love Is how to shoot at someone Who outdrew you {Moaning} And it's not a cry you can hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah {Moaning} Hallelujah,  hallelujah {Thumping sound} -Donkey? {Grunts} -What are you doing? -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. -Oh! Your half. Hmm. -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. -Back off! -No, you back off. -This is my swamp! -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go. -Stubborn jackass! -Smelly orge. -Fine! -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. -Well, I'm through with you. -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. -Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! -Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away! -There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? -Donkey! -No! -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? {Sighs} -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's what friends are for, right? -Right. Friends? -Friends. -So, um, what did Fiona say about me? -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? -The wedding! We'll never make it in time. -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. {Whistles} -Donkey? -I guess it's just my animal magnetism. {Laughing} -Aw, come here, you. -All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. -Whoo! {Bells tolling} {All gasping} -People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union.... -Um- -of our new king - - -Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? {Chuckling} -Go on. -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" -I don't have time for this! -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You wanna hold her? -Yes. -Please her? -Yes! -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic crap! -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? -We gotta check it out. -And so, by the power vested in me, -What do you see? -The whole town's in there. -I now pronounce you husband and wife, -They're at the altar. -king and queen. -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. -Oh, for the love of Pete! {Grunts} -I object! -Shrek? {Gasps} -Oh, now what does he want? -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding - - -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - -But you can't marry him. -And why not? -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -And what do you know about true love? -Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - -Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. {Crowd laughting} -An orge and a princess! -Shrek, is this true? -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm! -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. {Whimpers} {Crown gasping} -Well, uh, that explains a lot. -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! -No, no! -Shrek! -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? -No, let go of me! Shrek! -No! -Don't just stand there, you morons. -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! -I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! -You'll beg for death to save you! -No, Shrek! -And as for you, my wife, -Fiona! -I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! -I'm king! {Whistles} -I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah! -Aah! -All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. {Roars} -I'm a donkey on the edge! {Belches} -Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? {Cheering} -Go ahead, Shrek. -Uh, Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? -I - - I love you. -Really? -Really, really. - I love you too. -Aawww! -"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form." -"Take love's true form. Take love's true form." -Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? -Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. -But you ARE beautiful. {Chuckles} -I was hoping this would be a happy ending. I thought love was only true in fairy tales Oy! Meant for someone else but not for me Love was out to get me That's the way it seemed Disappointment haunted all my dreams And then I saw her face Now I'm a believer and not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her If I tried -God bless us, every one. Come on, y'all! Then I saw her face Ha-ha Now I'm a believer Listen! Not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried -Ooh! -Uh! Then I saw her face Now I'm a believer Hey! Not a trace Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind -One more time! I'm in love I'm a believer Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey Y'all sing it with me! I Believe I believe People in the back! I believe I'm a believer I believe I believe I believe I believe {Hysterical laughing} -Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. -I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I believe in self-assertion Destiny or a slight diversion Now it seems I've got my head on straight I'm a freak an apparition Seems I've made the right decision To try to turn back now it might be too late Now I want to stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna be a millionaire someday But know what it feels like to give it away Watch me march to the beat of my own drum And it's off to the moon and then back again Same old day Same situation My happiness rears back as if to say I wanna stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home......... I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes My heart skips a beat Girl, I feel so alive Please tell me, baby, if all this is true 'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives When we first met I could hardly believe The things that would happen and we could achieve So let's be together for all of our time Oh, girl, I'm so thankful that you are still mine You always consider me like an ugly duckling And treat me like a Nostradamus was why I had to get my shine on I break a little something to keep my mind on 'Cause you had my mind gone Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh Turn the lights on, Come on, baby Let's just rewind the song 'Cause all I want to do is make the rest years the best years All night long Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh, yeah, yeah I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.............. Everything looks bright Standing in your light Everything feels right What's left is out of sight What's a girl to do I'm telling you You're on my mind I wanna be with you 'Cause when you're standin' next to me It's like wow And all your kisses seem to set me free It's like wow And when we touch it's such a rush I can't get enough It's like- - It's like Ooh-ooh Hey, what It's like wow Ooh-ooh, hey Hey, yeah It's like wow Everything is looking right now, right now It's like wow And I got this feeling This feeling it's just like wow It's just like wow You are all I'm thinking of. Like wow Everything feels right Everything feels right Like wow Everything looks bright All my senses are right Like wow Everything feels right Baby, baby, baby the way I'm feeling you Is like wow There is something that I see In the way you look at me There's a smile There's a truth In your eyes What an unexpected way On this unexpected day Could it be This is where I belong It is you I have loved All long There's no more mystery It is finally clear to me You're the home my heart's searched for So long It is you I have loved All long Whoa, over and over I'm filled with emotion As I look Into your perfect facen!

[pendulumprince]

Folks, we need to talk about Ai.

*sigh* look at my lil gumdrop

What I’m about to say is something I think most of us already know, but I haven’t seen anyone put it into words yet, so I figure I might as well. This is, I would argue, Ai’s primary (if not sole) motivator thus far. 

Ai is attention starved.

To get the obvious out of the way: this is why Ai is so dramatic and out there---hell, why he’s constantly talking. He just seeks out any attention he can get, even if it’s the negative attention of people telling him that he’s annoying, or calling him stupid, or telling him to be quiet.

But I believe while Ai will take any attention he can get, he specifically wants positive attention. And the more he wants validation from a specific source, the harder he’ll try to get it using one particular method: he goes out of his way to help those who treat him poorly, in hopes that their opinions of him will improve. 

We’ve seen him do it twice so far, first with a group and then with an individual. 

The Ignises

Something that’s always been a minor “question” is why Ai went out of his way to save the other ignises, if they hated him so much.

I have no doubt that it was in part for the Cyberse itself, but we can’t forget, in this act he was saving the ignises as well, because there would be no Cyberse without them. And hell, Ai hardly mentioned the Cyberse in this scene---he talks about himself. He declares himself to be their savior because that’s the way he wants them to remember him. He wanted it so much that he nearly got himself killed trying to get it.

We all know what happens next: Cracking Dragon attacks him. He survives, but is reduced to an eyeball. He then spends the next five years on the run.

Let me reiterate that: he spent the next five years on the run, alone. There were no sentient AIs for him to talk to, and you can bet your ass he never directly reached out to any humans. Hell, couldn’t even move about freely without the fear of being detected.

Before Yusaku “caught” him, this was Ai’s fate: to wander Link Vrains indefinitely. The magnitude of his sacrifice can only be measured by the five years he spent running, alone, presumably with no end in sight. There was no one there to give him attention, positive or negative, and knowing who Ai is he must have been so desperately lonely. This period no doubt fed into his need for attention.

Until Yusaku came. And then comes our second example:

Yusaku/Playmaker

I’ve said this time and time and time again, but: Yusaku has not treated Ai well. This is in part because he didn’t (and still doesn’t fully) believe Ai to be sentient. But he is---and being aware that he isn’t being treated well, you would think Ai might feel threatened into cooperating with Yusaku, but wouldn’t want to actively help him. 

And yet, and yet, and yet, consider everything Ai has done for Yusaku:

gave him the d-board

spelled out the dangers of speed duels

tricked him into the Data Storm, his “personal program” (which has since only worked to Playmaker’s benefit)

attacked the Knight Boy who tried to kill him in episode 2

tricked him into meeting Blue Angel for their duel (something that needed to be done)

bit Revolver’s arm off?? And while he only got the data for his body, we know he intended to get more before Kogami’s intervention.

ate the data in SOL’s mother computer, allowing Yusaku to examine it in the real world.

Being an otherwise self-centered creature, Ai’s base motivation for doing all this is clear. He continues to help Yusaku not only for his own protection, but to win Yusaku over so he’ll someday think of him as his partner. 

And best believe, on a personal level that’s exactly what Ai wants from Yusaku. We’ve known that since the beginning.

And even the smallest hints that Yusaku is starting to like him simply send Ai over the moon. 

Again, very strange that Ai thinks so highly of Yusaku’s opinion, despite everything. But I do believe it’s because he wants that validation so badly, and believes (not inaccuratly, perhaps) that all his work is “finally paying off.”

But it’s not like everyone treats Ai like crap. There are two people who treat Ai relatively well.

Shoichi

We saw it a bit when they took turns busting Yusaku’s balls to pieces in episode 6.

It was a cutesy moment, notable because it’s one of the first times we see someone talk to Ai in a normal, non-threatening way. It’s almost strange that it came from Shoichi, since at the time neither he or Yusaku had any reason to believe he was sentient.

And then we also had episode 20, where upon logging out Shoichi tells Ai that he did a good job eating all of SOL’s data. And just look at Ai’s reaction to that.

Shoichi (to Yusaku): “Well done.”

Ai: “All thanks to me~!”

Shoichi (to Ai): “Yeah, you did great, too.”

Ai: “HOORAY! He praised me! Hooray! Yeah!”

It’s comparable to when his and Yusaku’s opinions “matched for the first time”; you can’t say that Shoichi’s opinion doesn’t mean anything to Ai. But what’s notable here is that Ai and Shoichi aren’t close. What Shoichi’s done and said to Ai so far hasn’t been anything above and beyond. But look at how excited Ai became at Shoichi’s very mild praise. It meant the world to him, because he wasn’t expecting it.

... but there is one person he has come to expect it from.

Roboppy

There are several reasons why Ai is more endeared to Roboppy than to Shoichi:

she’s a fellow robot

she does “many secret things for him” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Ai has to share Shoichi with Yusaku, while he has Roboppy all to himself

Roboppy is still a “dumb AI”.

Praise from Shoichi came as a (obviously very welcome) surprise, because he’s intelligent and intelligent people typically don’t take well to Ai. But Roboppy is another matter entirely. It’s curious why Ai would take a sexual (and arguably romantic) interest in her, despite her programming only going so far. 

But the truth is: her lack of intelligence is what makes her appealing to Ai, at least in part. This isn’t to say she can’t become more (I’m only half joking about #ComradeRoboppy), but she’s the only person/AI to date who hasn’t been able to see through Ai’s bullshit.

Just look at this past episode: she blindly believes most of what Ai tells her. She genuinely thinks he’s popular and cool. And this may be why Ai hasn’t improved her programming yet, why he says he’ll only make her “a bit” smarter: because if she “opens her eyes”, she may not think so highly of him anymore. Roboppy could easily become just like the other Ignises, or Yusaku, or Ghost Girl, or any of the other people who’ve put him down his entire existence. Why would he risk that? Why not keep Roboppy who she is, more or less?

To be clear, Ai’s history of rejection doesn’t make line of thinking okay. And I’m not saying Roboppy is a bad character/unworthy of an intelligent partner, she’s just limited by her programming rn. But until we see evidence to the contrary, I see no reason not to believe this is the basis for... whatever it is that they have.

In conclusion:

Despite all his bluster, and assuming he isn’t just oblivious, all of this says Ai is a deeply insecure creature. He’s willing to go to self-jeopardizing extremes to garner validation (the ignises, Yusaku), and when he does get that validation he’ll seek maintain it, even at the hinderance of it’s source (Roboppy). He doesn’t have a single healthy relationship in his life; at best they’re based on unhealthy power balances, and at worst we have reason to believe he’s been exploited outright (if the speculation on how SOL treated the ignises turns out to be true). 

So I think Ai’s as-of-yet unspoken character arc will involve him getting past all this, and learning how to make connections with people based on mutual respect. That it’ll happen with Yusaku is a near-guarantee, but I’d like to see it happen with other characters too, such as the ignises (whenever they return), or Roboppy, of the other Charisma Duelists (once they get to know him). I have faith in our lil guy. He can do it ;)