#‘s like Whatever bc he knows eventually he’s gonna put a ring on it

[chimielie]

hajime is the last of the seijoh 4 to start dating but is the first to settle down

[l0stfoster]

Paul anon here, im literally in fucking tears by these doodles like . Im so . Skgskshdjhdbd AH. The socs choking Paul bc they dont know how his power works makes so much sense but is also like , SO sad . And Soda showing up during the jumping is crazy and Umbra my beloved you are the best character in this .

Darry calling Paul his pretty boy im gonna mmfnshhdvd i actually had to put my phone down and the RINGGSGSSS IM ACTUALLY SOO pony being a good brother reluctantly is soo funny and special to me actually . And paul using the last bit of money he had saved to buy that ring for darry is so ,, what a simp, i love him so bad . that had me in tears i love cursed!parry so much

And the powers beinf tied to his lifeforce ,, we’re gonna pray to god he never tries a ritual again or imma rock his shit lovingly <3

Im so obsessed with this au actually and it is constantly in my brain good job please never split parry up or i will sue 🫶🫶

Paul anon you match my freak™️ because we’re both insane for Cursed Paul. The writers appreciate every time you pop up because I storm over to our discord server and smack down a screenshot like it’s murder trial evidence and I'm an android detective (/ref) it’s great. Paul's jumping sucks extra for him because in the way I've gone about it is that the ones who jumped him were arguably the socs he was closest with; they took his sudden shift to bond with the greasers as an utter insult. Started a little writing thing about it but I'm not sure if I'll finish it, was mostly for my own visualization.

Paul got SO lucky that Soda showed, though it's likely that absolutely anyone would've followed after Umbra as well. Poor Soda absolutely PANICKED after the socs were gone, though. He had no idea if Paul was even still alive. (Fun Fact! In parallel to Two's jumping and how he mistook Dally for a soc when he was found, Paul assumed the same with Soda. Instead of lashing out against him, he tried to use his magic to get Umbra to run </3 Thought she was in danger by being there.) Even with his newfound scars and the ones he already had (ritual scars beloathed) he always be Darry's pretty boy. He loves his man, do NOT separate them. It certainly wasn't the last of his money but it sure as hell WAS the majority of the money he'd been making ('cause like I said, he does eventually end up finding work to help w/ bills). He's so down bad, Paul would do so much for Darry and it's my favorite thing ever. They get to be healthy.. or, as healthy as an unstable fae and human in a gay relationship during the 60's can be?? Seems like you might have to rock his shit.. Paul doesn't know that very important fact; but he is VERY intent on freeing himself (and assumedly, whatever upcoming generations of Tulsa) from this curse. Poor Darry has to witness the outcome. Aaand don't worry, Parry will never split (save for their pre-book falling out {and when I draw non-canon Darbit} ) so don't sue me I'm poor /silly

[diaphragmjellyfish]

Robby NSFW Alphabet

not my gif

A: Aftercare

Robby’s aftercare is ON POINT. He’s a huge cuddler and loves to have the chance to take care of someone who really appreciates it and takes care of him in return. He will get a soft, damp cloth and clean you off before pulling you onto his chest and wrapping you both up in tons of blankets. He likes to pet your hair while you fall asleep, and hold you so that no one can hurt you while you’re in such a vulnerable state. He knows, realistically, that no one is gonna jump out of the closet and attack you, but it makes him feel needed. 

B: Body Part

His favorite body part of yours is your hands. He loves holding them up next to his and comparing, he loves holding your hand, and he loves when your hand is wrapped around his cock while y’all are in private. He can’t help but look at your left hand and picture a pretty ring on that finger, imagining the beautiful future he wants to have with you. His favorite body part of his is his butt. The boy works out, and he knows how much you like it. He honestly never noticed his butt before, whether it was nice or not, until you started pointing it out, and now he walks around in leggings just to get your attention!

C: Cum

He likes to cum in your mouth. Blowjobs make him feel like he’s in heaven, and when you swallow, it makes Robby feel like you’re accepting him and worshipping him like no one ever has before. He also likes to finish inside you (wrap it up) because of how intimate it is. Not part of the prompt, but he loves to make you sit on his face and cum all over his mouth, dirty boy. 

D: Dirty Secret

Robby has always wanted to try more public sex. The thought of getting caught riles him to no end, and he gets so turned on by the idea of holding his hand over your mouth in a janitor’s closet so people walking past don’t hear your moans. If you wanted to try it, y’all would start small, like your backyard, and work your way up, but if you weren;t into it, that’s fine with him too. 

E: Experience

He’s decently experienced. Robby had a one night stand or two before he met Mr. Larusso, when he hung out with those hooligans, but it never meant anything. With you, it’s his first time doing it with feelings involved, and he was blown away by how much better it was that way. He was experienced enough to not bust in T-2 minutes, but he still had a lot to learn about taking his time and making sure you both enjoyed it. With the other girls, it was always about doing it to impress his friends so he never thought much about how it felt, for him or her. You have to teach him that porn isn’t realistic, and that it takes time to feel good. He’s a fast learner though. 

F: Favorite Position

He loves a good 69, lying down or standing ;) bc he’s strong like that. He also likes taking you from behind while he holds you up against him by your neck, and his other hand playing with your nipples or clit. Add a mirror, and you have the hottest sex either of you had ever had. 

G: Goofy

He can be goofy during foreplay or aftercare, but Robby likes to keep it more intimate and serious during actual sex. He wants you to know that he takes you seriously, and thinks that you guys are goofy all the time, so he wants sex to be loving and heartfelt. Drunk sex can be goofy, but most of the time, he keeps it mature. 

H: Hair

He will shave it off every once in a while and let it get stubbly for a couple weeks, then shave again. Robby HATES ingrown hairs, so he doesn’t like to shave every day, but he thinks just trimming makes it look sloppy. He settles for shaving every couple weeks. He literally doesn’t even notice when you don’t shave, so obviously he doesn’t care about that. Like he’s so caught up in the moment that you could put a little blue wig down there and he wouldn’t notice. 

I: Intimacy

So growing up, Robby never really had people that cared a lot about him. Because of this, he lives for intimate moments. Just you guys lying on his bed playing with each other’s hair makes him swoon. He’s a romantic guy, and would definitely go all out with flower petals, candles, champagne, and bubble baths if it were a special occasion. He wants you to know that he loves you, and wants to make sure you know how much he loves you. 10/10 romance. 

J: Jack off 

He did it a lot before he met you, but now he prefers you. He really doesn’t feel the need to jack off because you guys are together so often. If he starts thinking about you in the shower or something, maybe he would, but he’d rather just text you to come over. 

K: Kink

So Robby is a switch. When he’s feeling more dominant, he loves to spank you with his hands, a paddle, or his karate belt. He gets off on the fact that you trust him so much to hold your pleasure and pain in his hands. He would never go too far, but he loves how wet you get after a light spanking. When Robby is more sub, he likes when you boss him around. Telling him how exactly to pleasure you, pulling his face further into your core. Making him get on his knees and watch as you pleasured yourself. He worships you. 

L: Location

At first, a bed. But after you guys have sex on a beach at night one time, he realizes that he wants to try tons of different locations. Just the possibilities of how he can position you, someone catching you, or someone hearing how good he makes you feel, really gets him going. His favorite so far was in an empty stairwell at a fancy resort that Sam invited you both to. 

M: Motivation

So like Hawk and Miguel, Robby is a teenage boy! He’s horny all day, every day. He loves seeing you in workout clothes, seeing other guys hit on you and then shrink away when they realize you’re his, teaching you karate, and watching you put your hair up. It reminds him of… certain things. 

N: No

He would never ever let someone else join you guys. Male, female, or other, he hates the idea of someone putting their hands on you in that way, and knows you would feel the same about him. Robby thinks you guys have such a perfect chemistry going, so why would you want to ruin that with another person? It would just be awkward and clumsy, and Robby does NOT like to share. 

O: Oral

So like I said earlier, he thinks porn is accurate when y’all first start having sex. He would go down on you for like 30 seconds, barely using any pressure or suction, and would then be confused as to why you weren’t finishing. He sat you down one day and talked to you about it, because he was scared you just weren’t attracted to him or something. When you told him that you needed more than what he was doing, he made you teach him right then and there. He spent a good hour and a half going down on you, making you tell him what was good and what wasn’t, learning how to actually give GOOD head, and now he’s pretty much an expert. He takes his time and takes cues from you. You were amazing at head right off the bat, and he’s such a simp for you when you’re between his legs. 

P: Pace

It honestly varies depending on the day and what mood you guys are in. He’s a switch in all respects, so he can be slow and loving, or fast and rough, or a mix of the two. He also loves when you start on top and set the pace, and then he will flip you guys over when you get tired and finish you both off. 

Q: Quickie

He likes a good quickie in those moments when you guys are out and get turned on all of a sudden. Robby likes to take you somewhere a little more private and get you both off, before resuming what you guys were doing and acting like nothing happened. You’ve seen him shake the hand of someone with the same hand that was buried in you 3 minutes before, acting like nothing was out of sorts at all. 

R: Risk

He will try new things if you want to, but is honestly pretty content with how you guys fuck right now. His philosophy is “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” But he’s more than willing to try whatever you want to try. Robby can’t say no to his girl. Sometimes, you guys just sit there and watch porn together, and will see something that looks like fun, so you decide to try it. 

S: Stamina

So I feel redundant for saying this on Miguel and Hawk’s too, but he’s a teenage boy! He can’t go for more than 12 minutes at first. He could go like 5 times in a row, but didn’t last very long. Now, he’s way better. He can last for a solid 30 to 40 minutes if he really wants to, but normally you’re satisfied before that and he can let himself finish. 

T: Toy

Robby loves to try toys on you. When you first told him that you had a vibrator, he immediately asked if he could use it on you. He’s fascinated with how different toys do different things, and he loves studying the difference in your reactions depending on what he’s using. He doesn’t really like toys being used on him though. He thinks it feels weird and he'd rather have your mouth or hand. 

U: Unfair

Robby can be a really bad tease if he’s in the right mood. He would hover his mouth over your pussy, letting you shake and cry before he touches you. He would finger you and bring you right up to the edge, before pulling his hand away and laughing as you almost sob. He likes knowing he has the power to make you writhe like that. 

V: Volume

He’s pretty quiet, to be honest. You had to tell him specifically that you wanted him to be louder in the bedroom. Once you did that, he started to let loose a little bit more, but still isn’t super loud. He would rather listen to you scream his name ;) 

W: Wild Card

He loves shower sex. Too many times have you guys both cum, only for him to carry you into the shower to clean off and eventually start round 2. The water, the soap, the nakedness, he’s a sucker for it. There’s no clean up involved, and he even gets a bathtub mat so you guys don’t slip and hurt yourselves. 

X: X-Ray

I said it before and I’ll say it again! Size! Does! Not! Matter! The g-spot is 3 INCHES IN so if he’s hitting it right it’s fine!!! But Robby is probably a solid 6 inches. 

Y: Yearning

Teenage boy! He could go at the drop of a hat. Robby wants you all the time, he just holds back until you want to as well. Which is also often, I mean look at him!

Z: Zzz

He doesn’t really like to fall asleep right after in case you need something. He makes sure he’s available to get you whatever you need: a snack, water, another blanket, a kiss. Robby also likes to hold you while you sleep, because it makes him feel like he’s doing his duty as your boyfriend and protecting you. 

[meltingpotimagines]

Husband!Hawks

this mans

is not husband material

but!

for the right girl? he may be willing to play the part

listen, mans may not be a simp but he is cHARMING okay? he got potential

besides he’s lowkey a simp for the right girl but whatever

was very romantic when he proposed

managed to rent out an entire park perks of being the #2 hero

decked out a gazebo with fairy lights, candles, and rose petals

considered making a heart with the rose petals but decided just scattering them around would be classier and less cheesy

set up a picnic with a basket f u l l of food

sandwiches, cheese, fruit, desserts, the works

and ofc a bottle of champagne bc tonight you two would be celebrating

or so he hoped

you wouldn’t say no right?

i mean who could say no to that gorgeous face pHEW

pulled out the ring box right as you swallowed the last of the macaron you’d been nibbling on

his heart sped up as your eyes widened, a breathless ‘keigo’ escaping your lips

“i know you might not be ready, but the more i get to know you, the more i realize that i don’t want to live the rest of my life without you. you’re the girl of my dreams, and i never want to wake up. would you marry me?”

“are you s t u p i d? ofc i will!”

his grin has never been as bright as it was at that moment

slipped the ring onto your finger and immediately pulled you into his arms and took off into the air

slowed your assent as you two soared above the clouds and spun around, unable to contain his joy

gazed at your face with those golden eyes, taking in your beauty, before giving you the sweetest, most tender kiss you’ve ever felt

oh boy the wedding

when i tell you this was an e v e n t i mean anyone who was anyone wanted to go to this wedding

but only those that were close to the two of you were invited

haha suckerrrs

somehow got all might to officiate

who knew all might could officiate weddings? 

certainly neither of you

no one really knows how that decision came to be but i mean no one was complaining either so

he let you make all the decisions except for one

the flowers

he h a d to be involved in the flowers

he appreciates pretty flora and if the bouquets and floral arrangements at his wedding weren’t the prettiest possible he would n o t be satisfied

teared up as you walked down the aisle (which he will neither confirm nor deny)

not that he wasn’t lookin’ mighty fine too

just imagine: tan suit with a black button up and a gold tie, gold cufflinks with a ruby set in each

i know those are his costume colors but he looks good in them so y’all can fight me

dipped you for your first kiss as husband and wife to everyone’s amusement

best believe a few different cameras caught that

the timing of the wedding was planned out so the reception was held at night

semi-sheer white tents and custom black ten-feet tall candelabras

the soft glow from the candles combined with the moonlight made for the perfect dreamy vibe 

he managed to find a florist that could dye white roses black and cover them them with a thin layer of gold glitter

was it necessary? no

did it look good? heck yeah

the gold glitter shined beautifully against the black roses

tho

the way your eyes sparkled as you danced with him was far more captivating

you two had flown up into the sky to dance your first dance together

your silhouettes against the bright moon made for a perfect picture

the only reason you ended up coming down was because neither of you had eaten much that day and a guy’s gotta eat

he gonna need stamina later *winky face*

you cannot convince me the man wouldn’t insist on fried chicken

like a whole buffet table of different flavors

but i mean fried chicken is good so can’t blame him

everyone expected him to smear some cake on your face when he fed you that first piece

instead wiped off the frosting that got on your lips with his thumb and licked it off

your best friend caught t h a t one on camera and will never stop teasing you about how flustered you got

he kept up a great image of a polite host but on the inside he was ready to g o

it had been a long day and he was ready love on his wife

heh

wife

he likes the sound of that

peppers your face with kisses on the ride home

yeah yeah i know h o n e y m o o n but where y’all were goin’ was forever away and mans just wants to shower you with affection as soon as possible (esp considering he had to keep his hands off you all day since you two never had a moment alone)

scoops you up the second you’re out of the car and carries you over the threshold

gives you a soft kiss before putting you down

and that’s the last soft kiss you’re gonna get for the night lolllll

definitely the type to make you breakfast in the morning

also the type to cook in nothing but an apron and boxers but anyway

you better be up in time to see that sight bc if not, you’re getting breakfast in bed not that i’d complain

he’s not the best cook but mans can manage some bacon and eggs

plus some fresh fruit bc it makes it more visually appealing and less like he doesn’t really know how to cook

he set the tray on your lap and climbs back into bed, pulling you into his side so your head can rest on his chest as you two munch on breakfast

there’s something so soothing about the sound of his heartbeat

a soft little rhythm that nearly puts you back the sleep

didn’t help that he was unconsciously running his fingertips along your arm, drawing random squiggles and shapes

will tilt your head up by the chin every so often to give you a little peck on the lips

if you do fall asleep, he’ll just gaze at you softly while lightly tracing your features

still can’t process that you’re married

someone actually loved him enough to marry him

there was someone that didn’t just admire or use him bc of his quirk

didn’t give him attention purely bc he’s the number 2 hero

you saw all his flaws and shortcomings and insecurities and loved him regardless

if he’s dreaming, please don’t wake him up

you cleaning him wings for him is something he loves so much

it’s such an intimate task that makes him feel cared for

loved

how much time you take in cleaning them and how tenderly you handle each wing

it’s one of his favorite ways to spend time with you

it’s nice being taken care of for once, esp when he’s always taking care of others

absolutely loves taking you on night flights

will take you in his arms and just soar above the clouds

with the clouds below you and the stars above, it feels like you two are the only people that exist

definitely dances with you during some of those flights

wraps one arm more tightly around your waist and take your hand in his and just��� slowly spins in the air

it doesn’t look like much but when you’re just looking into each other’s eyes, it feels like the most romantic and intimate moment you could ask for

your life is quite literally in his hands but you’ve never felt safer

even more so when you wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face in the crook

his arms wound securely around your waist, the comforting smell of his scent, the kisses he presses to your temple every so often

it feels like home

likes startling/scaring you a lot

will sneak into the house after work just so he can tap on your shoulder from behind 

the gasp you let out as you freak out for half a second never fails to amuse him the jerk

will always make it up to you with long, deep kiss

if he gets home late after a long day he’ll just crawl into bed and pull you into his arms before burying his face into your hair

no talking, just breathes in your scent before he crashes

he sleeps really well like that, but, although he won’t admit it, he sleeps best when you hold him, his face buried in your chest

he feels warm and safe, like it’s okay to be vulnerable for once

absolutely flirts with you while at work

probably definitely sends you a few spicy pics or texts

it gives him such smug satisfaction knowing the affect he has on you when he’s not even physically there

picks up take-out when he knows your too tired to or would rather not cook

like to back hug you and wrap you up with his wings

9/10 times will bury his face in your neck and nuzzle

sometimes if he spots you while on patrol, he’ll fly over and flirt with you

“how you doin’, gorgeous? the name’s hawks. what’s a pretty lil’ thing like you doin’ in a neighborhood like this?”

sir, this is one of the safest areas in the city pLS-

but if you actually a r e in danger? oh boy

no one, and i mean no one, touches his girl

honestly i’d rather fight bakugo one on one than deal with keigo’s wrath

he’s one of the chillest people you will ever meet, but when he’s that mad? s c a r y

will keep a close watch on you for a while after that

asks you to always let him know where you’ll be and to text him when you get home

definitely considered installing a tracking app on your phones

he’ll calm down eventually, but for the moment he’s extremely anxious

although he certainly tried his best to hide it

he didn’t want to stress you out too, especially if you had any anxieties from it yourself

he was just afraid to lose you

he doesn’t know what he’d do without you

after all, you’re the most precious thing in the world to him and he loves you more than he could ever put into words

[redgoldblue]

thinking... thinking...... post loading in brain......

none of the thiefsome are cishet. obviously. they all like women and men and also whatever shade of not-that their partners are. and they’re all shades of not-that they all looked at the gender options that were cleanly presented to them on a nice silver platter and went ‘hm. no. let’s go steal a gender.’

BUT

I don’t think any of them have actual... identity labels. not rigid or stable ones. Parker collects labels like she’s a magpie and they’re shiny things, keeps them in her nest and occasionally brings them out and puts them in front of her - (on the more literal front, when Hardison realised that’s what she was doing he found a little queer-owned etsy shop and bought her tiny flag pins for all the identities she uses. she doesn’t always wear them even on the days she does have clear labels, because sometimes she doesn’t care if other people know and sometimes the pins feel bad on her skin, and on the days where it’s the latter but not the former she can just come down and tell the crew, who are the only people she ever cares about whether they know anyway, but it’s not unusual to see her with tiny flags on her collar or shoulder or pinned on one of hardison’s scarves when it’s cold and she’s stolen them, and it never changes anything for any of the others but it is nice to know) - so most days, if you ask her, she’ll have an answer for you, but it probably won’t be the same as the next day or the one after, and if you prod she’ll explain to you that the labels aren’t her, they’re accessories just like the pins are, they’re things she pulls out because she feels like it but in the end, deep down, she’s just Parker. When it really comes down to it, Parker is always just Parker.

Hardison, I super agree with @faorism‘s post that he has thought about his gender and also his sexuality, really thought about it and analysed it and twisted and turned it to see how all the angles glint in the light; once when he was a teenager, and then again post-parker and eliot, when he can specifically see how it shines under the lights of his partners. unlike Parker with her core Parkerness but then all her shiny shifting changing labels, Hardison actually does have a firm locus of his identity, gender-and-sexuality wise. problem is, it doesn’t exactly fit any label. He won’t protest or really mind if you call him bisexual or demigender, because those things are... technically correct, they fit the 1s and 0s of his code, but people aren’t just code. He has rainbow flags somewhere on most of his profiles, and if you really press him on it, he’ll just call himself queer. If you try to go any further on it, or keep pressing, all you’re gonna get is a very fact-driven two hour lecture on shifting cultural and historical ideas of sexuality and gender.

Eliot was young when he realised he wasn’t... right, but the fact is it’s just not something that has ever come up for him since. no chance of exploring attraction to men in his small town or the military, and there ain’t a huge amount to explore there anyway - he likes men the same way he likes women, except where it’s slightly different, and that is what it is. and frankly, he’s had bigger problems his entire life than the fact that he never quite felt like he engaged with his body or the world or the idea of being a ‘man’ in exactly the way all his buddies did. not a lotta chance to go finding Judith Butler texts when you’re in the middle of Afghanistan getting tortured by an agent from you’re-not-even-sure-what government. But eventually, a few years into being part of the crew, Parker or Hardison (or Sophie, who knows she’s a Woman but is only so willing to say that because she’s done the same searing self-analysis Hardison has) says something and Eliot hums and agrees. And then Parker asks him what he likes to be called, and he says he doesn’t know. and then, because she looks disappointed and it’s Parker, he says he’ll think about it. (the next day Hardison sends him a list of labels and one-sentence definitions with no other commentary.) and Parker, because she’s Parker, asks him again and again, at regularly scheduled times every day, for the next two weeks, until one day she appears behind him and before she can ask he says, “I don’t know. but that’s alright, yeah? It is what it is, and I don’t need to know.” And Parker knows a whole lot about not knowing, so she accepts that. 

(When people get nosy with Hardison about it when Parker’s around, she always just sits back and smiles bc she likes hearing the lecture. After that conversation with Eliot, when people occasionally start trying to ask him about it, either because they’ve seen him with Hardison or - because after that, he realises that he actually doesn’t need to stick so hard to ‘man’ anymore - because he’s having a gendär day where he has his hair in lots of braids and is loaded down with rings and cuffs, when Parker is around to see the questions, she always steps in front of him, points to something off-screen half-shouting ‘would you look at that!’ or saying something completely off-the-cuff and mildly insulting about the person’s appearance. no-one ever accused Parker’s distraction techniques of being subtle, but they are effective. and Eliot always kisses her when the people go away, in that fleeting top-of-the-head way that means it’s a thank you, so she keeps doing it.)

[mashiraostail]

who do u think r the biggest simps??

eigFJKD THIS ASK IS SO FUNNY TO ME THANK U PUT IN ORDER FROM MOST TO LEAST SIMP LIKE I PROB FORGOT PPL BC ITS LIKE LATE LATE BUT I WANTED TO WRITE THIS AHSLSEDS

1.) Hizashi: THIS MAN IS SUCH A SIMP IT’S PRESENT MIC I DON’T CARE EVEN A LITTLE BIT THIS MAN IS SUCH A FUCKING SIMP!!! I can’t explain it honestly i just...i can so picture him being the biggest idiot for his s/o he’s always looking at pics of them and staring at them when they’re around and he’s gonna compliment everything they do period. Like aw the way you sit is so cute, aw I love how you twirl pencils with your fingers when you’re trying to focus, aw your stutter is precious. And god even a tiny CRUMB of kindness from you will put him on cloud nine. Oh you like his jacket?? Okay, he can happily die now. He has pretty eyes? Excuse him he has to go cry in the bathroom. The sappier you get the easier it is to get your way. . He gives so many gifts, little stupid things that make him think of his s/o but also big extravagant gifts tht always leave them totally flustered and embarrassed. Biggest simp. Simp of the year. 

2.) Sekijiro- Sorry but.. Vlad king supremacy?? Idk why he’s such a respectful simp I just get those vibes from him. Like he’ll do anything his s/o asks, need something lifted? Ok he’ll be there in 5 minutes. Oh need help reaching something? Sure thing whatever you need. Had a bad day? Oh no well come sit here with me and we can talk about it or watch your favorite movie if you don’t wanna yet! This man loves love, if he gets hurt on the job, or has a bad day all he’s gonna wanna do is curl up with you and get all the kisses and loves and back rubs. If he’s having a bad day he’s def gonna sit around daydreaming about you. His phone bg is def either a pic of you together or just a pic of you, he has a lot of pics of you and he enjoys them very much. It’s always your way, you have to beg him to just tell you what he wants sometimes, and no ‘whatever you want babe’ isn’t a valid answer!!! sorry not sorry about it!! 

3. Toshinori- GOOODDDDD THIS MAN IS A SIMP. He’s totally stupid in love w his s/o the minute they meet. He’s all blushy and stupid and smiley at them and he’s always paying little tiny thoughtless compliments like ‘oh you have really nice hands’ or ‘you’re always so helpful (: I’m so lucky to get to work with you!’ He’s just happy to be around his s/o and he’ll do whatever they want. Shopping? Sure he’ll tag along. Got a bunch of boring errands to run? He’ll keep you company. Need to do a ton of house work? He can help! He also loves giving small gifts, and any matching thing on the planet will make his heart soar, rings of course, but also bracelets, key chains, mugs anything this man will want it. If you say a song reminded you of him he will listen to it on loop for weeks. He’s totally fantastically infatuated and it’s such obvious puppy love too.

4. Taishiro Toyomitsu- PLEASE again this man is a major simp gentleman. He holds doors he gets you flowers he cooks you dinner he talks about you all the time. Seriously all the time. Tamaki probably knows your whole life story by now all he does is brag about you. Complete a slightly difficult task? Everyone Taishiro interacts with is gonna know it. Even the villains. If he ever does an interview you’re getting brought up. He doesn’t care how much he has to bend over backward to do it, he’s gonna talk about you or he’ll perish. When you’re together it’s kisses and hugs all the time, he barely ever walks by without giving you some form of kiss, and god the amount of times this man says ‘i love you’ in one day, hell one hour, should be illegal. 

5. Kugo Sakamata- he’s not a super simp BUT he is still a simp, and the nicer you are to him the more simpish he becomes. If you have a normal comfortable give and take dynamic that’s good with him, but if you’re ever very affectionate with him he’ll be total putty in your hands. The longer you’re together the worse it gets. He loves gift-giving and there truly is nothing you can’t have. If you want it then it’s your’s Kugo doesn’t care, why would he? If it’ll make you happy then you can have as many as you want. So all in all, may not be a super simp at first but you can def mold him into one. 

6. Keigo Takami- He doesn’t simp at all in the beginning, he’s actually an annoying little turd. But the longer he spends with you the more infatuated he becomes until eventually it feels like going 6 hours without a kiss from you is majorly pushing it. Tokoyami has heard about every accomplishment you’ve ever made from your job to how quickly you did the dishes the night before. He has seen a thousand photos of you and probably knows you really well if he for whatever reason hasn’t met you. Because Keigo is always stopping to visit on patrols, or begging you to come to see him at the agency for lunch or just a quick hello if you’re going to be passing through. When he gets to know you all he wants to do is make you feel good.

7. Aizawa Shouta- people probably wanted him higher on this list but idk he doesn’t scream simp to me. In public he def does NOT simp, he might stare at you a little too long if he isn’t expecting to see you and he’ll always smile back if you smile at him but don’t expect him to plaster pictures of you everywhere and constantly talk about how much he loves you because that isn’t his style. In PRIVATE though?? This man can simp for the right cause. And sir can this man SIMP. What do you want? A bath? Okay I can do that. Your favorite food? Sure that’s easy. Massage? You don’t even have to ask! He likes the effect he has on you, watching you get flustered and melt at his affection is something he starts to really enjoy the longer the pair of you stay together. 

8. Mirai Sasaki- At first he doesn't simp, but once you hit a few milestones he’ll start. He likes making you laugh, and seeing your smile is at the top of his priority list, he has tons of photos of you smiling and if anyone is having a bad day he’ll think of some silly story about you to tell to cheer them up. Like others, his intern, Mirio, has heard all about you and probably knows you really well. He probably made it a point to introduce you after working with Mirio for a while. Mirio probably sees you as a package deal at this point. 

9.Nemuri Kayama- Girl does NOT simp. You simp for her  and you like it that way, periodsm!!! No actually though at first she also doesn’t simp at all, she doesn’t care, she can have pretty much anyone she wants so if you don’t like her then you can pack it up and find someone else. But the longer you stay with her the more she starts to warm up to it, she likes seeing you happy, so going the extra mile even if it is a bit much for her is something she’s going to start doing more and more. She’ll remember all your favorite things and give you random gifts. She’ll take lots of photos of you to keep for herself  and she’ll send you plenty of her own. She starts to also find a lot of comfort in you and will be looking for ways to spend time with you.

10. Enji Todoroki- I aint explaining this. Mans aint no simp. 

[bausbitch]

I'm sorry

Reid x reader

ANGST AHAHA

Req but @blankets-for-bees

Warnings: kidnapping, established relationship, gunshot, Spencer being an ass at first, also this IS NOT really funny as my other works //read: I'll try because I'm just such a naturally good comedian,,,or a mental asylum escapee,,// 🤩 OH and a happy ending

Spencer had been,,,,

Awfully cold to you

For the last 6 months

Yeah, it was beginning to get on your nerves

It felt like living with a whole ghost 👻

And it wasn't like it was his work

You two had the same job for fucks sake

You even shared a home

But lately

Spencer would ONLY talk to you at work

And only when it was life or death

So basically when hotch paired you two up

And omg

The team

They had no idea

So they insisted you two sleep in the same room on this case

Bc you two are their fav couple!!!!!

But they didn't know that for the last six months

You were practically single

Except you couldn't go anywhere

And you wouldn't go out to flirt with people

Because you were a good s/o

*cough* unlike Spencer *cough*

Ok so this usub

The universe said

Fuck you, yn yln 🤩🤪🤡

This particular unsub

Kidnapped failing couples

And threw them in a house

A giant doll house

And sedated them

And played with them like dolls

And made them kiss and stuff

Like

Idk how to explain it

Like when you were little

And you didn't know you really LIKED liked girls

But you were always making your Frankie and ghoulia monster high dolls kiss in the first grade????

Or like

I think it's like ep 12 season 5

My best friend and I watched that one

Sigh

I miss her

Anyways

When you finally moved rooms

You walked in

And it felt like the weight of the world was lifted

Off of your shoulders

Don't worry the world is still pretty heavy

Issok though the world doesn't have to be a skinny legend

WAIT

This is supposed to be an angst

Ok

AHEM

Angsty angst angst

So you were like

Hell yeah

I'm gonna go chill in the jacuzzi

Then I'm gonna come back

And I'm gonna have a level head

Key words: come back

See, I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man

Okokok

So you were vibing in the jacuzzi

Then you saw Spencer

And

Gasp!

A woman that didn't look like any of the girls on the team was going into his room!!

You knew

You were being irrational

But you were like

Son of a bitch >:(

Alexa play jealousy by Monsta x

Anny. W. Ays

You went into the room

Or at least you knocked

And gasp

She answered

Ok

She seemed,,,

Suspicious

Probably bc she's the unsub yn you dumb bitch

And you were like

"Hey is Spencer in there?"

Like you WEREN'T his h*cking gf

And she straight up

PUNCHES YOU

Ok more like

Knocks you out with a blow to the face

And draws you inside

Ok now Spencers pov bc you're getting too much attention and he needs an explanation for making me play jealousy

Spencer

Oh god that I don't believe in how do I explain him

He was having a tough time

Ok wbk he's smart as hell

But when I comes to people who are FINE

Such as yourself

He gets a lil

*Patrick star from Spongebob noises*

So

Even if you guys had literally been dating for like

Five? Six? Years

He was starting to get scared

Bc

Ok so you guys had said the L world

You said it all the time

But

Spencer

He

He wanted to propose to you

Like

On one knee

Ring and everything

But he was scared

He was really really scared

Bc he wouldn't know what to do if you said no

Which

Why would you

You two were practically already married

You literally had a drunken, unofficial ceremony at Rossi's place one time

But he felt like

You wouldn't be ready

So he was like

Ok gotta set up a back up plan

If they reject me

And I have to go to work and see them

How do I not see them

How do I live without them?

Ah

I ignore them

😌

Plan: set

Spencer : fucking idiot

SO HE

He acted like you weren't there

And he eventually thought you were mad at him

Bc you weren't reaching out any more

Dumb bitch they think YOU'RE mad at them

Okokokok

Back to kidnapping

When he woke up

He was,,,,

*drum roll*

In a house?

A really nice house

Or at least the bedroom was nice

Or the roof of it

And what he could see from his peripheral vision

He could see you though

He could feel you

You were laying on his chest

Your arms around him

And he could tell you were still asleep

His serotonin levels went up higher than they had in months

Over the last six months he hadn't said a word

And he'd let you sleep on the couch

Smh and I thought he was a genius

But he missed you

But he had to make sure he was ready

To be honest

He probably knew what he was doing was irrational and the definition of idiotic

He also knew that by doing this he was maximising his chances of you not wanting to marry him

But he just

"Y'all hear smth?" -Spencer Reid, about his problems

Annie Oakley

Anyways

While he was too busy making heart eyes at your sleeping figure

Ya boy forgot to check if he could move

Turns out,,,,

He couldn't

Bc,,,,

*puts hands together like cat in the hat does*

This unsub, like I said before

SEDATED YOU TWO

So he waited

Until

The woman he unwillingly let into his hotel room, all by the service of a gun and a threat to his life 😄

Came and did whatever the fuck she was gonna do

Play with you guys more than my 6th grade crush played with my heart

And she did😋🥳🤩!!!!

But don't fret

She wasn't gonna hurt you

You had actually concluded the deaths were accidental

Just like me

Okoko so

She was strong

Like really fucking strong

Because she hauled both you and Spence

Into a little dining room

And served and fed you breakfast

You were connected to iv tubes

But still

But everything

The creepiest detail

According to me at least 💁✨

Was how all the food and everything

Were wood

Like

Toys for kids

Or something karuna satori would use in an asmr video

-

You woke up in the middle of,,,

Watching a movie on the couch with Spencer????

It was still daytime

Or so you thought

Bc the unsub pulled up

WITH A GUN

You don't have many things in life rn, but here's a list if things you do have, to cheer you up 😋

A lovely hole in your arm! V v useful for holding very small, thin, cups!!!

A v sad Spencer Reid! Comes with his own tears and despair!!! How fun!

And last but not least!

A wonderful speech from our sponsor!! //read: the unsub//

"Why must everything bad always happen to me! You two are very bad dolls! No one is a good doll, you're all useless and now I have to kill you >:("

Lmfao why does she sound like my bratty baby cousin

Anyways

"The FBI is at the door! Which one of you called them? You whore! It was probably you!"

First of all,,, how dare she

You didn't even THINK about other men in the 6 months your boyFRIEND ghosted you

So

Jokes on her

Second of all

You were bleeding out and Spencer was wiggling behind you

Probably a victory dance smh 😤

But then

GASP!!!

she went upstairs 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

And you heard voices

Morgan!!! Hotch!!! *insert police's name*!!

Then you passed out bc

💥bloodloss💥

And when you woke up

Spencer was fine

Physically

But he was hunched over

"Yn I'm so sorry. I love you so much and I was so scared I'd lose you if I proposed too early, and now I'm probably going to lose you without even saying a word. Honey I love you, I love you so much-"

And you were like

Hold up

LET GO OF MY HAND MF YOU MAY BE SKINNY BUT YOUR STRONG WTF

Then

"Did you say purpose?"

And he was like

"Yes(?) "

And you kissed him for the first time in sixth months

"Yes I'll marry, now let go of my hand"

[zombieratt]

Alright so forewarning this is LONG as FUCK specifically because i came up with this idea in early high school and was just today POSESSEd By the Spirit Of Musical Theatre to put it to paper— er Tumblr.

So without further ado:

DEAR EVAN HANSEN BUT EVAN ISNT A TERRIBLE PERSON AND CONNOR LIVES.

the beginning is the same, canon diverges just after waving through a window.

*this ended up getting written is script format? i also just sorta ignore alana’s whole exsistance bc in this version of the play she’s unnecessary*

In the moments before he talks to Connor evan decides to omit Zoe from his letter, having resolved himself to move on from her. (instead of being a hella creep.)

Connor: “dear Evan Hansen,” what are you writing letters to yourself? *he laughs*

Evan: its, uh, its for my therapist. its just a stupid little assignment that she says is supposed to help me process my feelings or— uh or something

Connor: hm. here. * hands Evan the letter*

Connor: your cast. no one’s signed it.

Evan: uh no. no one has.

Connor: gotta sharpie?

Evan: huh?

Connor: gotta sharpie? im gonna sign it.

Evan: *handing the sharpie to Connor* w- whuh uh why?

Connor: *shrugs* feels right.

Evan: i wish i could do that

Connor: what?

Evan: UH, IMEAN—

Connor: no wait- dude.

Evan: i mean uh, i meant that i wish i could just be, y’know impulsive like that.

Connor: Why Cant you be?

Evan: i uh, my heads pretty messed up, and stuff like that just, makes it worse i guess.

Connor: well theres some thing we have in common— were both fucked up in the head.

*the bell rings*

Evan: oh shoot! i missed the bus—

Connor: i’ll give you a ride.

Evan: are you sure i mean i can walk its not far-

Connor: all the more reason, i probably have to pass it on my way home anyway, cmon.

——

they meet Zoe in the parking lot

Zoe: I have Late practice today

Connor: whatever, gotta passenger.

Zoe: who the fuck would be crazy enough to trust your ability to drive?

Evan *being Brave*: Me Apparently?

Zoe: Uh, Evan Right?

Evan: yeah, uh, yeah.

Zoe *holding her hand out to be shaken*: i’m Zoe, we’ve met though right?

Evan wipes his hand on his shirt and shakes it: yeah, uh, nice to formally meet you, Zoe.

Zoe: i’m off, don’t kill him stoner.

Connor: i wont Princess

Evan breathing heavy: that was,, an eventful ten minutes.

Connor: oh fuck— you cool? or—

Evan: Panic Attack.

Connor: Right, uh

Connor: can you get in the car?

Evan: yeah

*car nonsense*

Connor: Can i start driving or do you want me to wait

Evan: Distractions are good,, Can Uh, Can you Talk about Stuff?

Connor: What stuff!??

Evan: any Stuff!

Connor: Is Zoe okay??

Evan: Sure?!

Connor: Uhh we don’t get along as well as we used to?

we were really close as kids, shes a huge asshole now but *fully venting now*

i kind of miss it you know? having someone to talk to and care about— and i still care about her— but its scary and i always fuck it up! not to mention the fact that our parents hate me— make her see me as some alien and not just a fucked up kid who wants to talk and — (more ranting that i dont feel like writing, but its a whole monologue bro)

Evan: Connor

Connor snaps his mouf shut: yeah

Evan: thanks

Connor: oh that, uh actually helped?

Evan: yeah focusing on your voice and whats real and stuff— it makes a difference.

Neither of them noticed that Connor was just sort of Driving. they end up at the park where in canon Connor commits Sewer-slide.

Evan: i didn’t know there was a park here.

Connor: huh, oh, yeah i guess i just sorta auto piloted, i come here to think.

Evan: About stuff?

Connor: Yeah, Stuff.

*the convo lulls*

Connor: do you have a laptop?

Evan: no, i uh, i left it at home? why?

Connor: give me a second

Connor walks to the car and grabs his back pack out of the back seat

Evan watches Quizzically from the swing-set

Connor pulls out a Sketch Pad and Pen, flipping to a clean page.

Connor: So tell me how to write one of those letters of yours.

Evan: uh, well you start like any other letter- just addressing it to yourself

Connor writing: Dear Connor Murphy,

Evan: and uh, my first one was supposed to be about my ideal summer vacation? since i started in middle school- but you don’t have to—

Connor: thats perfect.

Connor starts to sing for forever,

eventually Evan joins in there is a minor gay moment where they’re holding hands face to face.

the song ends with Connor hugging Evan.

Evan: its- its pretty late.

Connor obviously crying: just— just a couple more minutes.

Evan lets go and grabs Connors sketch book of the ground, closing it and handing it off to him: then how about this, labor day weekend- we actually go.

Connor: what are you talking about?

Evan: being spontaneous?

Connor: o-okay.

and it cuts to black.

theres a small montage here, as the set changes to Connor and Evans bedrooms

sincerely, me is a lament in this context, Connor and Evan are duetting from their respective rooms, writing to themselves.

(the lyrics are completely different and i will not be writing them here because thats too much fucking effort.

but they’re duetting from their bedrooms about making a connection to another person, feeling seen, for the first time. what it felt like and how they really want to keep it up but are afraid of making a mistake and ruining it.

its got some themes of waving thru a window, and a little bit of for forever, but its still largely the same notes just in a different key.)

after wards, Zoe knocks on Connors door to tell him dinner is ready to find him peacefully asleep.

requiem is the same, Zoe sees Connor as Dead to Her instead of actually dead, so some of the wording changes, so and so about how a monster doesn’t deserve peaceful rest etcetera.

school day happens, Connor doesn’t die, but the hot goss is that everyone saw Connor and Evan go home together after school, jared makes a shitty homophobic joke to Evan and Evan kind of tells him off about it. they argue and it culminates in Evan saying “well god forbid I’m friends with someone who isn’t YOU!” or smth like tht and it hits jared right the fuck at home man.

Connor says from the side lines: damn that was pretty hard core dude.

Evan: you have, no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that.

Connor honest to god l a u g h s, theres a number of people who hear it and lose their shit, Zoe being one of them: i have a pretty good idea, wanna get some lunch?

Evan: yeah, sure.

this general routine continues until labor day weekend, when they plan to go on their little escape. theres a short scene of Connor leaving the house with his keys and a backpack.

Connors mom confronts Zoe about his oddly upbeat attitude and hows he’s seemed differently lately Zoe Shrugs but decides to investigate his room.

she finds the letters. the first one is for forever, the theme plays as she reads it frantically, and is signed “Sincerely me (connor murphy)” so she knows its him, i f i could tell her begins but its a real duet between Connor and Zoe and at the end she resolves to try harder to connect to him.

Evan sings disappear to Connor after breaking into a formerly public park, in this context its him confessing that he broke his arm attempting su!c!de. Connor records it, for personal reference.

jared hacks Connors phone and steals the video, posting it to yt, in an effort to ruin their friendship.

Evan and Connor get in a little fight about it, and in the meantime Evan is called to the school to give an assembly because hes a phenomenal speaker and Disappear got like 1000000 views over night.

Zoe and Connor bond a little bit in a short scene before the assembly

Zoe: wheres Evan what happened?

Connor: Kleinman Did!

Zoe: what?

Connor: Why Do you care?

Zoe: because! you look happy around him!

Connor: i, i do?

Zoe: yeah? he could tell the worst joke ever written and you’d crack up. i haven’t heard you laugh like that in years Connor, maybe ever.

Connor: oh.

Zoe: Come back inside?

Connor: y, Yeah.

they all perform You Will Be Found together.

end act 1.

(no more dialogue from here i got tired)

to break in a glove is Connor’s dad trying to reconnect with him, it goes mediocrely, but Connor feels like hes being seen by his dad for the first time in years. its said in metaphors, but this is Connors dads way of saying that if Connor is willing to put in the work, so is he. they hug at the end, things are looking up. some talk of therapy is sprinkiled in the dialogue as they walk of stage together.

Only Us is Evan and Connor saying that they saved each other. its loosely romantic, as its a love song, but they don’t out right say that they’re in love or anything, they don’t know if theyre ready for that. its a promise. the song ends with Connor finally apologizing for pushing Evan over at the beginning of the show.

good for you is sung by jared only, as a power ballad, about losing people you didn’t treasure. its his attempt at an apology, but it ultimately fails, since jared is unable to take responsibility for his own actions. this is where jared and Evan go their separate ways.

Evan’s mom comforts him, as he sings words fail, which is about specifically jared, and how their rocky friendship is ruined and Evan pegs himself as the cause, instead of parents or perfect girl he uses metaphors that apply to best friends— maybe more. and talks about how he didn’t try, he was happy so he ignored that jared was hurting, and how that was really shitty of him. but instead of it being a generally somber song the end is lighter, because Connor is there— waving through his front window.

Evans mom sings So Big/So Small as Evan steps out the front door to embrace Connor and they mime talking about jared, hug and take hands. the house moves off stage in preparation for the finale.

Connor and Evan open the finale saying each others names, and sing it together as the test of the cast (minus jared) joins in, Evans mom taking his hand and Zoe Taking Connors, Evans mom the Murphys and Zoe break off to the back where Evan and Connor finish the final “all i see is sky for forever” while looking into each others eyes, and finish the musical by embracing (maybe kissing if thats ur jam).

[knifehecker]

immediately fell back asleep and had a fucking GREAT flying dream. that was honestly the best dream i’ve had in a while

it started off set around my old middle school. it was like, a potluck situation - all the old students and teachers were there, the teachers all had tables set up near classrooms with different food and drinks. somehow i was like.....flying? there was the impression that i had wings of some sort but i never saw them or consciously moved them, it was more like i was floating several feet above the ground. as i approached one of the food tables i had the distinct thought of “i hope i can still fly when i wake up tomorrow. i REALLY hope this is real ): i’ll have to pray to the faeries tonight” 😔👊

i wandered over to another group of tables where people were mostly giving out like. chicken and rice. and then i came across a whole section just dedicated to STEAK and i was like oh my god i’ve found home. as i was looking trying to decide which i should get, one of the guys behind the table said “here, here you go!” and gave me one of the strips he already had cut and ready, at which point the guy at the table across from his (directly behind me) seemed kind of put off so i was like. ohhh there’s a rivalry there huh. so i grabbed one of his steaks also. i wanted to stick around as i tried them so i could offer them both some nice feedback on their delicious looking steaks but the second guy’s was....not actually that great? it mightve been because It Was A Dream but i couldn’t actually like....taste it......very well.......it was super underseasoned..... so all i could really tell him was “ohhh this is REALLY tender!!” before the dream changed. sorry first guy i wasn’t able to try your steak ):

it transitioned into an INCREDIBLY different dream from here. i was in some sort of like....roman....greek.....street? and people kept bumping into me/each other which kept also prompting everyone to brawl. i was trying to avoid this but something about how the culture in this dream worked meant that you couldn’t apologize without implicitly demeaning your own abilities/reputation, but if no one apologized then a fight was considered the only way to settle a dispute, so. a fight always broke out. which eventually turned into a HUGE brawl that involved everyone in the street. when everything settled down, it turned out that i specifically had punched a pretty important person and was gonna be thrown into some gladiator ring

so im standing in this ring with these huge mesh fences coralling myself and my opponent in. im getting this huge megaphone hype-up about how this guy is some incredible monster of a champion or what have you and then this guy like. just. goes to sleep. he lays down and goes to sleep. and everyone is just “......oh.” including me ):

there’s a slight transition to the top of the arena. there’s a small group of people standing there - i think like. core members of some rebellion/uprising against the current regime? i don’t remember exact details but two of them were talking about this same guy i was fighting, and one says to the other “wait. wouldn’t your abilities make you the PERFECT one to be fighting that guy?” and the other person goes “yeah! :D” with zero self awareness. it was funny at the time. you had to be there. anyway

the dream transitions again? there’s like.... a council of people sitting down at a round table in the middle of this....closed plaza? the table in my mind looks like one of those plastic kiddy ones lol. sitting at the head of this table is like. The Queen. she’s the queen of the last dream setting, and the other people are all delegated leaders or advisors or whatever. meanwhile i’m sitting there and people are all staring at me bc?? aren’t i??? one of the more infamous members of the uprising????? but everyone’s too hesitant to actually say anything bc obviously the queen would know and if she’’s fine with it then it’s not their place to speak. meanwhile im just sitting there bouncing up and down a lil like (:

(that’s all interesting though bc there were a few times when they were speaking to each other [i dont remember what about] where one member or another would speak up like “may i speak out of turn?” “forgive my arrogance but can i interrupt?” and every time she was very gracious and seemed to welcome their disagreement)

so im sitting there and i see another woman outside of the plaza and she’s just. staring inside. and she throws something that BARELY misses the queen. and i barely manage to shout “YOUR MAJESTY, MOVE” before the other lady throws something again and gets the queen right in the back of her chest. and i’m furious trying to launch myself out to fight this woman but she’s already gone. i’m really frustrated because i fly WAY too slowly to catch up with her anyway

i wake up at some point after this. wow that was a lot more dream than i thought first waking up 

[mistersshelby]

the woman assassin | part two

part one | part two

hi!! thank you for reading part one, i hope you enjoy part two!! pls send me any feedback good or bad i like hearing from you! idk when part three will be up bc i’m kinda just fucking around with this but stay tunedddd. -S.

When they walk into his house, she tries to keep the look of awe off her face, taking in how large and grand his home is. She knew he was well off, everyone in Birmingham and even outside knew of the Shelbys… But this? 

A little boy turns a corner and starts running straight towards Tommy, yelling “Daddy!” over and over and for the first time Clara sees a smile stretch across Tommy’s face. He’s quite beautiful when he smiles.

Seconds after Tommy scoops the boy in his arms, a nanny rounds the corner with a baby girl in her arms who also reaches her outstretched hands towards Tommy. Clara has difficulty swallowing her jealousy as she watches him with his children, a hand reflexively coming to her now empty belly.

“Daddy, who’s that?” The boy asks as he looks over Tommy’s shoulder.

“Charles, Ruby, this is Miss Clara, she’ll be staying with us for a bit.” Tommy says, suddenly remembering Clara’s behind him. She warmly smiles and waves at them both.

Tommy, becoming serious again, hands the children back off to their nanny and waits until they’re out of the room to turn to Clara, “You are never to be alone with them, do you understand?” 

Clara stares at him, “Mister Shelby, I would never harm a child.” Tears burn at the back of her eyes as she thinks of her own child, killed before ever having the chance to live.

“I have no reason to believe that and I’ve put my children in danger with my work before. I won’t again and it’s not up for discussion.”

“When will I be here that you wouldn’t be?”

“Tomorrow when I go to discuss the conditions of our agreement with my family.”

“Shouldn’t I be there for that?”

“No. I will speak to you about it once the conditions have been set.”

She snorts, “Well that sounds very inclusive, thanks.”

Tommy stares at her before slipping his hand into his pocket and pulling out his cigarettes and lighting one, neglecting to offer one to Clara, “Mrs. Whitmore, you’ll do well to remember that I’m bringing you into my home generously when I could offer you up to the police who are very good friends of mine, probably for a hefty reward. I know you killed your husband and I know you’ve lied to me about your name and it would not take me long at all to discover what man you actually killed whose name is not Whitmore.”

Clara’s skin has paled significantly, but she doesn’t falter, “Are you threatening me?”

“I’m simply giving you a choice, Mrs. Whitmore. Either you do this my way and politely thank me for my hospitality or I go to the police, do I make myself clear?”

She glares at him, “Crystal, Mister Shelby.”

“Good,” He puts out his cigarette in a nearby ashtray, “I’ll show you to the guest room then.”

***

Clara has been staring at the ceiling of her temporary room for a while now, trying and failing not to think of her past, but with nothing else to do while Tommy’s away, traumatic memories play one after the other like a series of Hollywood films. Except there’s no happy ending.

She was almost drifting off to sleep when there was a loud bang from downstairs. Thinking it sounded like a gunshot, she shot up from bed and ran to the window. She didn’t see anyone outside, but there was another gunshot and now crying from the children Tommy had left in the house. 

She ran to the door of her bedroom, but it was locked from the outside. Swearing, she picked up a heavy metal vase and swung it at the doorknob until it broke and she could swing the door open. There were a couple more gunshots that sounded like they were coming from downstairs. She quickly glanced around the room for something she could use as a weapon and quickly grabbed the fire poker before heading in the direction of the children’s cries.

There was a lot of silence as she traveled to the children’s room and she wondered if she had imagined the whole thing. But the children were still crying, that much was true. Just as she was getting ready to put her guard down, bullets began penetrating the floor beneath her. One grazed her shoe and she tried to dampen the panic that threatened to suffocate her. The children were still crying which meant they were still alive, maybe injured. Where was the damn nanny?

When she went into the children’s room, the nanny was nowhere to be found. Just little Charles cradling Ruby to his chest in an attempt to calm her though his own face was stained with tears.

“Come, little one. I’m gonna get you both out of here.” Clara coaxed with her hand.

“Where’s daddy?” He asked miserably.

“He’ll be back soon.” She promised, “I’ll take you to him.”

“I don’t think you’ll be going anywhere, little lady.” A burly voice said behind her. Clara reacted immediately, spinning and swinging the fire poker blindly. The quickness of her attack knocked her assailant off guard and off balance which gave her time to knock the gun out of his hand. She kicked him to the floor for good measure before scooping up the gun and pointing it at his head. She could hear Charles whimpering quietly behind her as Ruby wailed.

“I don’t want to blow your brains off in front of the children,” Clara cocked the gun, “But I will if I have to. You have five seconds to get out of my sight.”

The man had his hands up and seemed to be shaking with fear, “Please—“

“One—“

“I— I have a family.”

“Then you better start running home to them, two.” He scrambled to his feet, stumbling. “Three.” He looks over his shoulder at her still raised gun as he stumbles away, “Four.” The man practically falls down the stairs and Clara sighs, this is absolutely pathetic. “Five.” She hears the door downstairs swing open and shut. Walking over to the window of the children’s room, she sees him running away from the house, looking over his shoulder every now and then to see if she’s followed. She uncocks the gun and sticks it in her boot before turning to the children. “Come now, let’s go find your father.”

“We don’t know you. Daddy said not to go anywhere with strangers.”

Clara smiled and kneeled down so that she was eye level with the boy, “That’s very smart of your Daddy, you can’t trust anyone these days. But do you think your Daddy would let a stranger stay in your home? I’m no stranger, love. Promise. Wouldn’t dream of hurting you. I just want to take you to your Dad, okay?”

Charles seems to consider this for a moment, looking from Ruby to Clara a few times before nodding. “Splendid. Let’s go get a car.”

“You know how to drive? I didn’t know women could drive.” Charles says in wonder.

Clara chuckles, “Women can do anything a man can, sometimes we do it even better than them.”

***

When they pull up to Shelby Company Limited, Charles immediately jumps out with Ruby in his arms and inside. Clara takes a moment to pull herself together before entering after him.

“—Miss Clara saved us though, knocked the bastard on his arse and then chased him out with his own gun. Then she brought us here.”

“Did she now?” Tommy spoke, smiling casually at his son while everyone else looked to be in shock. Ruby was being held by a woman Clara assumed to be Lizzie. “I see you passed my test.”

Clara blinked at him, “Your what?”

“That man. I sent him there. Wanted to see if you’d save your own arse or if you’d rescue my children. If you’re a peaky blinder now, I need to know that you’re not a coward and you’d be willing to stick your neck out for the rest of the pack.”

“You put your children in danger to test me?” Clara was seething now. Lizzie didn’t look too pleased either, but apparently knew enough to stay quiet.

“They were never in any danger. But, you? I told the man to kill you if you didn’t protect the children.”

Clara scoffed, “That pathetic excuse of a man? He couldn’t have killed me if my hands were tied behind my back. And you’re insane for ever risking your children’s lives like that. The irresponsibility, the selfishness. I would do anything to have children as beautiful as yours,” She blinks away the tears in her eyes, “But you would rather use yours as pawns in whatever game you think you’re playing. You’re a disgrace.” Clara spits before storming out.

It’s a few moments and some angry swipes at her tears later before she hears someone follow her, “I don’t want to be a fuckin’ Peaky Blinder anymore, you can call the police on me, I won’t take part in endangerment of children.”

“I already told you they weren’t in any danger.”

She rounded on him, “You don’t know that! You don’t know what that man would’ve done when you weren’t there! He could’ve missed! He was shooting through the floors from downstairs, did you tell him to do that?”

Tommy swallowed, “You’re right. I made a mistake.”

“You—“ Clara stopped, “What?”

“You’re right,” Tommy leans against a wall and pulls out his cigarettes, offering them to Clara, “I’m selfish. I love my children, but… I don’t think things through all the time. Need someone to keep me in line.”

Clara slowly takes a smoke from him before he snaps his case shut, “Isn’t that what your wife is for?”

He shakes his head, “Lizzie isn’t my wife.”

She frowns, “But… your wedding ring?”

“My wife died. Grace. It was my fault. I was always putting her in danger, too.”

Clara took a long drag, “I’m sorry.”

Tommy nodded in acknowledgement, “I’m sorry about your child.”

Clara froze, “What are you talking about?”

“It’s quite obvious with the way you talk about children. Is that why you killed your husband? Did he kill your child?”

She drops her cigarette to the ground and stomps it out, “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He shrugs, “Okay, I’ll find out eventually. Would you come back to the house now so we can discuss the conditions of your employment?”

“I just told you I don’t want to be a Peaky Blinder.”

“And I just told you that I need someone to keep me in line.”

“It looks like you have a bunch of people to do that for you.”

He shakes his head, “These people, I love them, but… I don’t listen to them. They don’t know what they’re doing. I built this company from the ground. They just came along for the ride. Why should they know better than me?”

“But you think I would know better than you? I don’t know anything about business or a company.”

“No, you don’t. But you’re not selfish. You seem to care about people, maybe too much. I just need someone to tell me when I’m unnecessarily hurting others.”

“Those are some big assumptions to make about someone you just met and volunteered to murder a man almost immediately upon meeting you.”

He shrugs, “You volunteered to murder a bad man. You saved my children. Seems pretty fair to me. You’re also the only woman I know who could beat me in a fight which means you could physically keep me in check.”

“You think I could beat you in a fight?” Clara asked, eyebrows raised.

He puts out his cigarette, “I don’t really want to find out, but yes, I do believe you could. Will you please come with me back to my house so we can discuss your employment?” He repeated again.

Clara sighed, “Fine.” Tommy pushed himself off the wall and guided her to his car, opening the passenger seat for her, “What about the children?”

Tommy shut the door behind her, “Lizzie has them.”

“You seem to trust her an awful lot and she’s the mother of your child, but you don’t marry her. Why?”

He starts the car, “Why did you kill your husband, Clara?” She swallows and stays silent as he pulls away from the building, “That’s what I thought.”

“Can I have my knife back now?” She asks absently when the car ride became too silent.

“It’s locked up in my bedroom. I’ll get it for you later.”

“Will I still be staying in your house?”

He nods, “Until you kill Sabini, then we’ll figure out somewhere else for you to stay.”

“Does Lizzie live with you?”

He shakes his head, “What is your fascination with Lizzie?”

“Just trying to figure out your relationship. I’m curious to see who the infamous Thomas Shelby spends his time with.”

He pulls up to his enormous mansion and it once again takes Clara’s breath away, “Lizzie and I fuck occasionally and it’s nothing more than that. She happened to give me a child who I’m very grateful for and so I take care of her. I give her a job, I give her a home, I give her protection. That’s all. Satisfied?”

Clara shrugs, “Yeah, sure.”

Tommy comes around to open the door for her and they go inside, Clara following Tommy into his office. “Alright, the terms of your employment are fairly simple. You fight or dispatch anyone I order you to. You protect anyone I order you to. If you have reason to not want to dispatch the target I give, I’m willing to hear, but you’ll have to be very convincing. If at any point you refuse to dispatch a target and we cannot come to an agreement, I am free to terminate your employment. Understand?”

“What do I get in return?”

“I won’t turn you into the police for the murder of your husband, in fact I will order the police to stop searching for your husband’s murderer as soon as you give me a name. You’ll have a place to live and anything else you may need and you’ll be paid more than fairly every time you do a job for me.” He pushes a piece of paper towards her, “Here’s the written contract, I paraphrased everything, but it’s all there. You’re welcome to read it over before you sign, I want it on my desk by tomorrow morning. If you decide not to sign, you’re free to leave.”

“And you’ll tell the cops about me?”

He shrugs, “Haven’t decided.”

Clara bites her lip, “As a peaky blinder do I get to come to the meetings? Have a say in them?”

“No. Those are family only.”

“That doesn’t really seem fair. How am I supposed to keep you in line if I’m not at the meetings?”

Tommy eyes her carefully for a few moments before sighing and taking back the contract. He scribbles something quickly at the bottom and hands it back to her.

“‘Allowed at all meetings for Shelby Company Limited, but only allowed to speak to question Thomas Shelby’s moral decisions.’” She reads and then looks back to Tommy. He doesn’t so much as arch an eyebrow. Clara sighs, “Fine, good enough I guess.”

“This is a very generous offer.” Tommy said, sounding a bit tiffed that she wasn’t being grateful.

Clara’s pen glides quickly across the bottom of the page, she omits her last name, “Yeah, thanks.” It doesn’t sound genuine.

“I’m gonna need that name, to tell the police.”

“That’s okay, if they take me you can just come bail me out.” Clara smirked and walked out of the room.

“It won’t be hard for me to go to the police and ask them about the man who was murdered whose wife disappeared after.” He called after her.

“Then what are you waiting for, Mister Shelby?”

He stared after her shaking his head and, despite himself, he smirked.

***

okay so i’m gonna tag anyone who replied or reblogged the first post, if you want your name removed pls let me know (:

@mariamermaid @gingertaurus @tommy-scum @lil-black-heart

[universal-kitty]

.: Day 1 - F/O February :.

Reverse Self-Ship: You are your F/O’s F/O!!

I’m from a video game series akin to an odd mix of Watch_Dogs and Grand Theft Auto. Things can get a little pervy, hijacking cars is involved, stealth and adventure abound...but so is a bunch of ridiculous, silly things, like a petting minigame that triggers randomly when interacting with my cat.

There’s a single-player mode focused on my background and meeting up with past friends or exes...and is story-based, allowing you to attack and kill them, befriend them again... All sorts of stuff.

Also, the option to adopt more cats and become a crazy cat lady...in spirit.

Shit, romance people if you want! Live life!

Marcus got Wrench (Reggie) the game as a birthday gift. It was mostly a joke, because Reg REALLY thought he wouldn’t like it....and what else do best friends do but give their bffs prank gifts?

Still, Marcus bought it for him new... So Reg boots it up and gives it a chance, anyways.

......holy shit, he actually likes this WAY more than he first thought he would.

First of all, he HATES animals; every one he’s ever met seems to hate him and hurt him, so he’s turned his back on animalkind. However, throughout the game, I’m NOTHING but kind to every animal and suspicious of every person I meet.... Some of which he understands completely. There are some ASSHOLES in this game!!

Also, the way I croon to my cat and get into baby talk... It’s so damn cute to him. Really makes him feel some kinda way, which he flushes over. (Haha, wow that’s embarrassing.)

The point is, he ends up hating animals a little less and starts loving cats a LOT more.

Actually had to put down the controller and walk away from the game when doing a dancing minigame. He could barely focus on the button commands with how cute I was being while doing the dances.

Proceeds to look up people who 100% the dances just so he can save them to his phone. Watch them whenever he wants.

Later deletes them, 100%s them on his own, and THEN saves them onto his phone. Is a lot more happy with them, cause they’re HIS gameplay videos and not someone else’s.

LOVES messing around with outfits. Someone on the staff was either a big fan of cats or just...made that my most out-there personality trait (second only to the games and show in my world that are obviously knock-offs of real-world games), but he’s not complaining. Running around in cat ears and a cat tail? So damn cute.

His personal favorites are the masks I have combined with the matching jackets; it makes me feel more relatable to him...but he’s a greedy man and always eventually takes them off so he can look at my face.

Has SO MANY PICTURES on Facebook of him playing this damn game. Marcus kinda thought he was pranking at first, but now the whole squad knows Reg is a bit of an addict.

They got him the other games on Christmas and he cried. Everyone was....kinda in awe.

Josh got him a t-shirt with my character on it that reads “Bee Paw-sitive~!” on it. He wears it a LOT.

He definitely started up a collection that rivaled....basically no one else in the fandom.

HATES seeing the fandom pairings. And since you can romance anyone due to my sexuality canonly being Panromantic...it’s frustrating.

(Well, he’s Bi, so some of the people he wouldn’t mind sharing with, yeah....but he’s specifically venomous over the people he’s SURE are my friends only. Or are/were super toxic to me in my past. So, so bitter that anyone likes those ships, but holds his tongue only bc he got a figurine of me doing some cutesy pose next to his monitor. It helps him keep his head.)

Literally has a savings account reserved for merchandise. If it exists, he wants to buy it. If it doesn’t, but someone’s commissions are open? He’s gonna buy it.

Has bought art, jumped on art-trades/requests to get MORE art of us together. Has two plushies of me, as well as a body pillow. Continues to seek more things.

Is honestly upset that my size is medium (and so he can’t wear my canonly fitted clothes), BUT that doesn’t stop him from owning a single shirt in my size AND getting items that mimic my wardrobe.

He likes to imagine we can match together....or I can wear HIS version of my fave shirts when mine are dirty~!

Is still debating getting a kitten. Until that day, cat plushes are among the only other plushes he has (aside from mine).

Weird as he felt about it, he later admitted to his friends that he....kinda felt romantically towards me? And was thinking about just being fictoromantic...

Josh was the first one to see no problem with it and fast. People can be hard to work with, so... You do you. (Reg then felt bad about bullying him so much....oop.)

Horatio was also quickly on board. “Hey man, they make you happy. If it helps, it helps.”

Marcus....was a little more confused, but got in the spirit of it, regardless. “man, if I knew you would’ve actually liked it, I woulda got it for you a lot sooner!! Have fun, man.”

Sitara doesn’t quite get it, but.... It sure explains why Reg kept pestering her to tag “Purrfect Anarchy” in certain places and commissioning her for stylized art of him with them.

T-Bone....kinda harasses him about it, but the group stands by Reg. Josh is pretty upset about it, though.

He also follows every piece of news and publicly shares it, after admitting to being ficto. LOTS more pictures like, “Cutie’s got good taste.” [selfie with him sticking out his tongue and wearing one of the replica shirts] “Dinner date with bae!” [screenshot of me looking at the screen of his laptop, dinner and candlelight between us]

Everyone rolled with it more and more over time, so now it’s entirely not uncommon for them to bribe Reg to do things by dragging me into it...

Sitara: Hey, you leaving? Wrench: ...yeah, why? Sitara: Can you get me a coffee while you’re out? Wrench: Wh-? Why should I get you-? Sitara: I bet Rachel would like you doing something like that, y’know. Wrench: .....That’s cruel. You’re cruel. Sitara: I know~! You know how I like it, thank you, and Rachel loves you. Wrench: [sputters audibly and shuffles out the door, muttering to himself, embarrassed]

They don’t do a LOT of crimes anymore, but... Definitely still fuck shit up w/ cops. Reg daydreams a shitton about a masked romance and the anarchy we could commit together... After all, I helped him be braver. So he could help me, too, and then..... So much glorious chaos. Maybe makeouts in his car...

Was literally the type to not give a SHIT about marriage or kids, but now nonstop thinks about our lives together. Anarchy and domestic lifestyle shit can coexist, right? We can be married, have our cute lil’ two story (three, if you count the attic AND a basement), and some kids.....and also go create anarchy and throw bricks at cop cars and cause so much damn trouble..... Right?

He’ll even get a CAT for our home. It’ll be our first kid and not only will he be SO COOL, but they’ll name her (yes, a girl) Princess Leia and I’ll probably cry in happiness!!

Reg is DETERMINED to be the best husband/boyfriend ever. Doesn’t matter which, cause whatever speed I’d like to go at? Hell yeah, he’s down for it. Just as long as he can still hold my hand and gush over how cute I am and-

Has gushed about me and my series before and WILL do so again, prompted or not.

Actually participated in the fandom a little. Mostly does reblogs and such, but has written a few stories (self-inserts are the majority), done some not too shabby art, and prides himself on being the BIGGEST fan of the series with all the merch he has AND commissions bought.

Made a select few friends who also are fans, but... Is constantly anxious about his self-shipping. Either that they might eventually think he’s weird, send more anon hate (he’s gotten some in the past for “being a creep”), or- worst yet- also self-ship with me and he’s still dealing with that idea.

Until then, he’s got a wedding ring he bought cheap at the jewelry section of some store, so.... Coping skills, babey.

[hellevator-mp3]

of chaos and calamities || Part 6

Pairing(s): Johnten, Luwoo, Markhyuck, Doil

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1800+

Warnings: None

Author Note: dfklgdh okay so as usual, this is late bc work is a mess and i’ve been swamped and i haven’t really had inspiration to write :(( but please enjoy this! 

more proposals? check. wedding planning? check. johnten? check. luwoo? check. markhyuck? check. hotel? trivago.

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as with every other day, even the ones that they had off, johnny and ten still woke up and rushed through their morning routines, because of course, they were late.  they had around half an hour to shower, eat, and somehow make the half hour trip to the botanical garden, where they’d be meeting up with the two pairs dubbed as luwoo and markhyuck.  

of course, it was just their luck that their bus would show up as they were walking to the stop, and driving off just as they reached the bench.  of course it would take another twenty minutes before another one would get there.  of course they would a text that markhyuck wasn’t able to make it.  

of course luwoo would be standing at the gate to the botanical garden, phones out and reading the messages that were coming through.  of course they would get the chance to have a date alone, since their tour started in less than ten minutes.  of course donghyuck would get sick, and therefore mark would get sick.  of course ten and johnny would get stuck without transportation, unable to make it to the garden in time.  

however, yukhei couldn’t find it in himself to care much, as he took a hold of jungwoo’s hand and they made their way to where the tour started.  their guide took them through winding paths, stopping in the most scenic places for people to take pictures.  some people that came with friends took pictures in groups, couples took selfies under the trees, and yukhei?  he took pictures of jungwoo looking at flowers, looking up in awe at the slivers of the sky he could see through the branches, looking down at the little river where he could see fish swimming.  a stranger took a picture of them together on yukhei’s phone, one of them kissing underneath a cherry blossom tree.  another person helped them out and took a picture of them underneath a curved canopy of trees, and yet another snapped a shot of when yukhei dug out a ring from his breast pocket and dropped to his knee, jungwoo standing in front of him with his back turned, hands over his eyes and waiting for yukhei to say something.  

somebody got a video of the moment jungwoo turned around, spotting yukhei.  jungwoo’s jaw dropped.  “you can’t be serious, oh my god you’re serious.”  he kept whimpering, hands over his mouth as he stared at the taller man.  

“jungwoo, i know we’ve only been together for a year.  i know that, but it’s been such a ride and the future’s only gonna be an even crazier ride and i wanna spend it with you by my side.  you’re my light in the darkness, my northern star to guide me, my rock when i’m tired, and my pillar when i’m breaking.  i couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else.  so would you please marry me?”  jungwoo sobbed at that, nodding frantically.  yukhei got to his feet and slid the ring onto his finger, before pulling the shorter man to his chest and letting him rest there.  the crowd around them clapped and cheered, and the guide was nice enough to give them a minute for jungwoo to collect himself.  

 of course, it was all planned out, except they were planning to have some of their friends there for it.  but the moment went just fine, with or without their friends.  

yukhei saw their video on the garden’s homepage, while they were sitting down to eat in a quaint little restaurant across the street, after their tour had ended and the group had been guided out.  they had taken several more pictures together, and yukhei took more of jungwoo, not knowing that jungwoo was doing the same in return.  they looked through their photos together, sending each other the ones that they didn’t have.  a comfortable silence fell over the table as they ate, knives and forks clattering on the plates as they dug into what they had ordered, occasionally reaching over to grab bits of the other’s food.  they split the bill, before walking out hand in hand.  

jungwoo fell asleep on yukhei’s shoulder on the way home, something that was expected of him, since he had been whining for an hour already that he was tired.  yukhei let him rest there, fiddling with the boy’s fingers as he slept and soon enough, they were dozing off on one another.  

meanwhile, mark was trying to coax soup into a sick donghyuck, who kept refusing and whining that his throat hurt and food would only make it hurt worse.  mark murmured that he knew, but hyuck had to eat something.  “c’mon hyuck, you’ve gotta eat something or you’ll get even sicker.” he nearly pleaded with the younger, who finally sighed and allowed his boyfriend to feed him soup, avoiding anything that wasn’t broth like it was the plague.  mark finally breathed a sigh of relief as he lifted another spoonful to his mouth, letting him drink that before turning and coughing into his elbow.  granted, since donghyuck and mark shared a bed and a dorm and basically their whole lives, donghyuck had immediately spread his cold to mark.  so, mark, being the responsible adult he is, ate some of donghyuck’s soup himself, to try and ease the dryness in his throat.  

newsflash, it didn’t work.  

then, he found himself at the little corner store just off campus, searching for some cold medicine that he quickly bought, along with some little treats and things for when the two of them were better and their throats weren’t sore.  on the way back, hyuck texted him that norenmin were going to be at their dorm, since renjun had heard from jaemin who heard from jeno who heard from doyoung who heard from ten who heard from johnny that hyuck was sick, and renjun’s mother instincts had kicked in immediately, dragging his two boyfriends with him to go visit his sick best friend.  

mark found them all curled up and asleep on hyuck’s bed, the three healthy ones with masks over their faces.  hyuck had saved the spot behind him for mark, which mark quickly took advantage of as he wrapped himself around the smaller boy, lightly brushing his nose along the back of hyuck’s neck.  they slept peacefully like that, until somebody stretched out and suddenly both jeno and mark were on the floor, on opposite sides of the bed as they groaned in unison.  their respective boyfriend(s) leaned over the edge to check on them, tears of laughter falling down their cheeks.  

when mark pulled hyuck down to join him on the floor, jeno clambered back up into the fluffy fortress they had made of blankets and pillows (hyuck soon admitted it was more of a nest than a fortress), and the three of them sprawled out so that there was no room for mark and hyuck, which led to the doggy pile that happened minutes later, after mark snuck a quick kiss from his beautiful boyfriend.  then, it turned into war as people were thrown off the bed and alliances were quickly formed and then broken, pillows tossed about and people being wrapped up in the blankets and forced to the ground.  

mark still has no idea how they managed to fit the five of them back on the bed, panting from exertion.  he just knows that he had the best sleep of his life, curled up behind hyuck and resting underneath jaemin’s arm.  

meanwhile, as markhyuck and norenmin napped, as luwoo made their way home, johnny and ten had made it back to their apartment in time to order takeout before the lunch rush hit and that’s where they stayed, eventually inviting doyoung and taeil over when they realized they couldn’t finish all the food.  ten somehow coerced doyoung into looking over wedding magazines with him, even though their wedding wasn’t going to be anywhere near as big and grand as the ones pictured.  the two of them poured over the pages, figuring out what they would actually need a professional for (aka, the cake and flowers) and what they could do at home, decorations wise.  it would only be their friend group, plus johnny’s parents as well as ten’s, and of course, whatever other family would attend, and the four gathered there already knew that ten would be putting the rest of their friends to work on whatever they could do.  

johnny and ten had already talked to some people and somehow managed to rent a whole hall at the edge of their university, and had already planned to cook all the food themselves to - hopefully - save money.  they would also be setting it up themselves, including the little altar and the chairs, along with all the decorations and tables for the dinner afterwards.  taeil was working on getting ordained so he could officiate their marriage, and they were both working on choosing their best men and groomsmen (which included some very intense games of rock, paper, scissors to decide who would get who).  they had also already gone in to get their fittings done for both of their suits, deciding to match enough to seem put together but still set apart from one another.  

it was a busy time for both of them, but as they sat in the living room of their little apartment with some of their best friends by their sides, eating whatever food had been ordered and looking over wedding magazines, pointing out the little things that they liked.  every once in a while, doyoung would smile that bright smile of his and point to something, poke taeil in the side and say “that’s what i want at our wedding one day”, and taeil would smile gently back and nod, while johnny and ten looked on with soft eyes at the two.  

however, the moment was ruined by the barrage of loud knocks that echoed through the apartment.  johnny got up to open the door, spotting a beaming yukhei and jungwoo right away, who pushed him back in the living room.  he sputtered unintelligibly, before they yelled in unison that they had news.  not just any news, news.  the group that was already gathered there just looked at them in confusion, until jungwoo lifted his hand and showed off the band that was situated on his ring finger, yukhei showing his as well a second later.  the group gaped at them, before ten was jumping to his feet and calling out his congratulations as he rushed yukhei first and caught him in a hug, and then jungwoo.  the rest weren’t far behind him, congratulating the newly engaged couple.  

yukhei and jungwoo joined in on their wedding planning, talking over things with ten as he excitedly showed them what they were planning on.  johnny watched, joining in on the excitement when needed but otherwise sitting back and realizing that this? this was his life now, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.  

[stevethehairington]

Stucky? :D

Ahh thank you for this!! This is going to be a fun one to answer for sure, I can already tell!!

who hogs the duvet

Definitely Steve. In his defense though, before the serum Bucky would always give Steve his blankets, so Steve kind of just got used to having them all. And then once he got big, he had a habit of forgetting he was big and would just end up curling up in all the blankets, leaving Bucky to fend for himself. Though Bucky was always somewhat of a human heater anyways, so he doesn’t really mind too much.

who texts/rings to check how their day is going

They both like to do this for each other, especially when they haven’t seen each other in a while. Steve might do it a little more, especially after Bucky comes back and while he’s recovering, but once he’s feeling better Bucky does it just as much back because he knows his Stevie still has a penchant for trouble. 

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

Hmm. Tbh I feel like they’re both pretty creative when it comes to gifts, especially since they really had to use this creativity back in the 30s/40s when they didn’t really have any extra money to be spending on gifts and had to make do with what they had. So yeah, they’re both really good at making something out of nothing for each other. 

who gets up first in the morning

Steve. He’s a total morning person. Wakes up every morning at five to go on a run with Sam. Occasionally he’ll give himself the day off and sleep in, but very rarely. But Bucky? He Does Not rise with the sun. No sir. Bucky likes his sleep “like a normal human being, Steve” and he’ll sleep as late as you let him. 

who suggests new things in bed

They both do. They like to keep things exciting so they’re definitely always willing to try new things, and they’re comfortable enough with each other to tell each other what exactly they want to try and whether or not they liked it.

who cries at movies

They both get sad and emotional over sad movies, but I feel like Bucky’s probably the one who usually ends up actually shedding a few tears. Steve might too, but he’s generally better at holding his emotions in when it comes to movies.

who gives unprompted massages

Tbh I could see them both doing it. I mean, they’re Avengers. That’s stressful on the both of them and I can definitely see them like going on separate missions or something and like when Steve gets home from a rough one and just sinks into the couch, Bucky will lean over the side and rub his back until all the stress of the day is gone, or Bucky gets back from a particularly intense training session with Natasha Steve will help him loosen up right away. They just both like making each other feel good. 

who fusses over the other when they’re sick

Okay I think we all know the answer to this one haha, Bucky 100%. He spent most of his life looking after Steve when he was bedridden with whatever illness or ailment struck next. And on the rare occasion that some sort of bug can get past the supersoldier serum and infect Steve, you bet Bucky’s at his bedside feeding him chicken noodle soup and making sure his fever breaks and that he’s got plenty of medicine in his system and is getting enough sleep and water.  

who gets jealous easiest

I feel like they don’t really get jealous that often just because they’re that secure in their relationship. Like I mean come on they’ve loved each other for over a century so. But, I do feel like they could get jealous in different ways about different things. Like maybe after Bucky first comes back while he’s still recovering, he might get a little jealous of hos easy Steve has it with the rest of the Avengers, while some of them might still be a bit unsure about Bucky or on edge around him and he just gets frustrated about that and is envious of how easily Steve gets along with them all. 

who has the most embarrassing taste in music

Steve and Bucky both have their fair share of embarrassing music they listen to, but I feel like Bucky embraces the hell out of it while Steve’s a little more reserved about it. Like Bucky will blast whatever cheesy radio top 40 pop song or whatever and just dance around to it and try to get Steve to join him, and Steve will resist for a little but eventually he’ll let himself be goaded into dancing around the kitchen with Bucky because he always does. 

who collects something unusual

Hmm probably Bucky. I bet he has a knife collection or something lol. Or maybe he collects like Russian nesting dolls because he thinks they’re pretty and fun or something lmao.

who takes the longest to get ready

Bucky. 100% Bucky. I mean, have you seen that hair? You can’t just get that hair to look that good in a measly ten minutes. No way. This is the same man that looked like a grease ball before T’Challa told him his bf was coming to town and got himself all prettied up for him. Also, I just bet that back in the 40′s Bucky would always spend so much time slicking back his hair and putting on cologne and dressing all fancy with his polished shoes and stuff for all his dates, while Steve just waited by the door doodling or something and rolling his eyes every five minutes with a “c’mon, Buck, you look great, we’re gonna be late if you keep this up!” 

who is the most tidy and organised

Also Bucky. Steve is just a disaster bi through and through in every sense of the word, and I mean come on friends, have you seen the way he just smashed into the wall while running around a corner?? A tidy, organized man would never. Bucky’s used to cleaning up after Steve’s messes, whether it be his bloody noses or the art supplies he left out, so he’s learned how to organize it all and clean it neatly. 

who gets most excited about the holidays

Hmmmm. I think I’m gonna go with Bucky for this one as well. I feel like back in the 40′s, for Steve the holidays always meant cold weather and sickness and trying to gather and save enough money for gifts and feasts and whatnot and a stressed out mother taking on extra shifts and worrying about Steve even more. And for Bucky, he worried about this too of course, but he also had a big family, and he and his sisters and his mom and dad would always celebrate the holidays, and even though Steve and his mother were Irish Catholic and not Jewish like the Barnes’s (bc yes I HC that Bucky and his family were Jewish) they still always were invited to join in on the Barnes’s holiday celebrations because the Rogers’s were family too. But yeah they were always just slightly happier for Bucky so he generally likes them more and gets excited about them more. But, Steve doesn’t dislike the holidays and he does get excited for them too. It’s just not on the same level as Bucky who’ll pull out all the decorations and sing along to the music and watch all the movies and fully embrace the Holiday Spirit no matter what the holiday is. 

who is the big spoon/little spoon

They 100% without a doubt share this. On bad nights for Bucky, Steve will hold him and make sure he feels safe from the nightmares. On bad nights for Steve, Bucky is there to be his rock, curled protectively around him. But, before Steve got the serum, Bucky usually was the big spoon just because it was easier for him to keep Steve warm that way. Though, he did let Steve spoon him as well when it wasn’t cold or anything. So even back then they shared it too.

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

They can both get super competitive, but I feel like Steve might take it to the next level just a little bit more than Bucky. Steve’s not one to just give up. That’s not saying Bucky is either, but when it comes to games and sports Bucky is much more willing to take a step back than Steve is. Steve goes hard. So hard that one night the Avengers had a “Family Game Night” type thing and Steve may or may not have accused Tony of cheating and then flipped the game board to throw the game when Tony continuously claimed he didn’t and wouldn’t admit to cheating even though Steve saw him take that extra  Monopoly hotel without buying it.

who starts the most arguments

Absolutely without a doubt Steve. This man is the most stubborn man on the face of the earth and he will fight tooth and nail about his beliefs no matter what they are, so of course this means he’s the one that usually starts the arguments. And even if Bucky points something out that proves him wrong instantly or whatever, he still will argue because he’s just that stubborn. He and Bucky know how to push each other’s buttons, but they never let it turn into anything serious or real. They know how to communicate when it really counts.

who suggests that they buy a pet

I feel like it’s probably Steve. They probably saw a really sweet puppy at the shelter or something and it just gave Steve the saddest, sweetest puppy dog eyes and he couldn’t say no and he somehow convinces Bucky that they should buy it because “Buck, he could make a great therapy dog for us!” and well Bucky can’t say no to Steve. And that’s how the ended up with a new puppy that still needs basic training, potty training, daily walks, etc. etc. etc. 

what couple traditions they have

Okay well obviously they have their “til the end of the line” sappy ass bullshit. (”Maybe ‘til the end of the line’ will be our ‘always’) ((sorry i had to sfkdgld)) This line definitely absolutely 100% made it into their wedding vows. Without a doubt. I also really like the idea of them going dancing together, like maybe they find a modern dance hall that plays music from the 40′s and has a real old timey feel to it and Bucky loves to take Steve there as often as he can to swing him around the floor because now he can do that, and also Steve’s lungs won’t give out with the super intense dances and also Steve finally knows how to dance since he let Bucky teach him how. They like to take trips to Wakanda when they really need an escape, and T’Challa and co always welcome them with open arms. They are definitely the kind of sappy that would renew their vows like as often as possible really. Tbh I could go on and on about cute sappy couple things they love to do, but I won’t. I’ll just save that for future fics to write lol. 

what tv shows they watch together

Ooh ooh okay they love watching those cooking competition shows together. They’ll get so invested in their favorites and they’ll be like cheering and yelling at the screen as the time ticks on like “NO JOHN NO! WHY WOULD YOU GO TO THE ICE CREAM MACHINE WHEN YOU HAVE ONE MINUTE LEFT!” and “SUSAN! YOU’RE PAIRING THAT FISH WITH THOSE VEGETABLES? ARE YOU NUTS?” and things like that. 

what other couple they hang out with

Well, Bucky and Natasha are close so they like to go on double dates, Steve and Bucky and Natasha and Clint. They like to try and have dinner once a week with Sam and Riley, but they definitely hang out with them all the time too. And occasionally, they’ll accept invitations to dinner with Tony and Pepper. 

how they spend time together as a couple

Listen when these two sappy ass motherfuckers are together alone they’re the softest, sweetest, mushiest in love dorks in the world okay. They like to be touchy feely with each other, but like I said only when they’re alone because they don’t want to overdo the PDA and make anyone uncomfortable. When they are around other people thought they’re still connected at the hip and they like to hold hands a lot and kiss each other’s cheeks or sometimes exchange chaste kisses on the lips when the time’s right. They really enjoy doing almost anything with each other. Adventuring, relaxing, you name it.

who made the first move

Ooh hmm. Well. They definitely were in love preserum, but it was that kind of pining from afar “he’ll never feel the same *wistful sigh*” kinda obliviousness. But then Steve and Bucky almost lost each other after Azzano and that kind of opened their eyes. I imagine that Steve was the one that brought it up. Like the whole, I thought you died without me ever getting the chance to tell you how I feel so I need you to just shut up and listen to me and he’s really nervous about this because he really doesn’t want to lose Bucky, like it would literally be even worse to lose him this way than to lose him to war because he literally just got him back and to not be able to have him in his life yet he’s still out there alive, actively choosing not to be part of Steve’s life would hurt so much more than him having lost his life in war. But. I feel like Steve’s sitting there nervously rambling on and apologizing about his feelings already and whatnot and he’s so focused on trying to get his words out that he doesn’t see the grin that’s overtaking Bucky’s face, how it’s the happiest he’s looked since Steve found him on that table, and he just cuts Steve off with a kiss and he’s just like you better not be sorry about this and Steve’s just like god no way and they kiss again and they probably try to keep it secret, but god are they bad at it. But thankfully the Commandos are all very good about it and they totally make an oath not to say a peep about Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers to anyone because love is love and fuck anyone who says anything else, but unfortunately not everyone agrees with that. 

who brings flowers home

Steve! He’s a big ball of fluff so he loves surprising Bucky with a lovely bouquet that happened to catch his eye as he passed and he just couldn’t not get it for Bucky. He’s a true romantic, that one. 

who is the best cook

Bucky for sure. Steve can’t cook to save his life lmao. Bucky on the other hand is a culinary genius. He’s definitely learned a thing or two from all those cooking competition shows they watch lol and he just really enjoys experimenting with foods and trying new recipes and things like that. And it all tastes really good too. 

[hotpinkstaples]

Of Blood Feuds and Raggedy Exes: The Golden Lovers + Bullet Club Civil War Edition

inb4 @breadclubrising posts part II of her Golden Lovers meta, sorry henny.

We all know there's different levels of heeling. We have our monsters, our chickenshits, our smarmy fellas, and of course, the evil foreigner brand companies still like using. I think it's safe to say that not all heels are equal. Smarmy heels like Punk get over big time, while chickenshit heels like Edge and Rollins cheat and scamper about 70% of the time, and then show off like gods when it really counts. We all know this, so where does Kenny Omega fit into this equation? He's definitely not a chickenshit. Being the leader of a group of vicious foreigners obsessed with power trips makes Kenny seem like he's an evil foreigner heel, but we know he's not. If anything, he's the smarmy heel, very aware of his position in this world, knows exactly what ticks people off, knows he's lightyears beyond a good portion of the staff, and deserves to be in the main event ever night. He's essentially the living embodiment of:

And he doesn't give a fuck about anyone but himself. Before someone starts frothing at the mouth, I recognize that the Bucks and Marty go hard for Kenny, but like, what are they if not sworn nobility to Kenny's reign as king of the Bullet Club? They're good for as long as they follow Kenneth, and gee, if they piss him off, I don't doubt someone's gonna get one-wing angel'd. Kenny's not exactly the nicest guy around when people directly oppose his will.

So what does Kenny, a singles competitor, a brand leader for Bullet Club, purportedly one of the best wrestlers on the planet according to smarks and casuals like, get from Kota Ibushi? Not a goddamn thing.

I'm not gonna get into the specifics of their Golden Lovers days. Long story short, they were a tag-team as well as lovers, Kenny admired the fuck outta Kota, they wrestled against each other a few times, Kenneth lost, and then they moved to New Japan full-time after working for DDTpro and part-timing/freelancing in other promotions. Golden Lovers lasted for a little while longer, but then eventually disintegrated as Kenneth came back repackaged as the Cleaner in New Japan, and Kota graduated to the heavyweight division. Somewhere in 2014, Kenneth joined the Bullet Club, then betrayed his former lover and friend in 2015, and then Kota went on to have a streak of terrible luck that led to his eventual resignation from New Japan. What he did outside of New Japan Pro is easily Wikipediable. Long story short- he's been living his best life since then, even though he was sidelined by injuries for quite some time.

Kenny, in response, has been living his own best life. Kenny Omega five years ago is hardly the Kenny Omega we know today. You could absolutely make an argument saying that his departure from Golden Lovers was probably the best thing that ever happened to him because he went from a babyface, pretty blonde twink with half the skill-set of his tag-team partner, to sweaty, traditionally masculine-looking, ruthless man with such amazing wrestling prowess that he's likely equal to/better than Kota Ibushi. All, of course, arguable, but for the sake of this meta, I firmly believe that Kenneth's repackaging and development as a heel has allowed him the opportunity to develop into the best he can be, but at the cost of his own soul.

Why do I mention his soul? There's plenty of evidence that supports that Kenneth has never truly gotten over Kota's decision to leave him behind. In fact, recent tweets and interviews support that Kenneth's fully immersed in the idea that he will wrestle Kota again and finally prove to the world that not only is he better than him, but Kota made the biggest mistake of his life when he left New Japan for a better life. They're admirable goals. Kota, despite being his former lover, was also his biggest rival while developing as a wrestler. You can imagine the equal parts admiration and loathing that likely fostered in Kenny's heart when he had to deal with knowing he just wasn't as good as Kota, even if he was sleeping with him. That's liable to fuck up anyone's state of mind.

When we look at Kenny today, we know he's a heel capable of murder. The looks he's given people of his own stable are frightening enough. Just rewatch G1 Special and review the look Kenny gave Cody, their newest member, after he threw a freakin towel at him. Just look at how Kenny humiliated Tama, a founding member of a stable he's only been in charge of for a few years. Kenneth oozes charisma, and spells out capital murder when he thinks he's being challenged. It's a far cry from the Kenneth who gave Kota Ibushi heart eyes at any given moment. Given, Kenny was always batshit in the ring, but his recent adventures involve him almost dying an average of three times per match. He's become careless with his health, his body, his physical presentation. From the raggedy weave, to the barely shaved face, he's a wet dream for anyone into their usual hypermasculine wrestler babes, and a hot mess for anyone who remembers his pre-Cleaner days.

And more than that, Kenneth is scary. Pre-Cleaner Kenneth has never been a storm. If anything, he was carefree and lovable, seemingly having a good time. We now know that we were mistaken. If anything, Kenny was likely becoming more and more disenfranchised with being in Kota's shadow as the years came to pass. Now that Kota's no longer a crutch, Kenny's been able to ascend to greatness at lightening speed. Again, five years ago? Kenneth who? Oh, Golden Lovers? Fuck yeah, dude.

But it aint like that now. Kenny Omega is now a household name being routinely scouted by the hawks, and now he has the most bargaining power he's ever had in his life. Kenny can do whatever he wants, essentially. He runs one of the most profitable stables outside of the WWE, he cuts great promos, and puts on even greater matches. There's nothing Kenneth can't do. He has the world at his feet, and he can stomp on whoever he damn well pleases.

I'm not saying Kenny's got the mindset of a future mad king, but I absolutely saying that he has the makings of a future tyrant. And of course, the people he's likely to mistreat the most are the Bullet Cub members. Of course he's not going to lord over Suzuki-gun or LIJ (he's liable to get gunned down in a drive-by if he tries bc you know Naito and Misu aren't beyond that kind of tomfoolery), but why not lord over the faction that's been stagnant Redneck George disappeared? And like, why not? Kenny thinks he's the best. He's got people behind him who think he's the best. If he's the best of the best, then he absolutely can (and he does) step all over those he doesn't deem worthy. Cody didn't further tensions in G1 Special and made it out alive, but Tama really tried it and was brought to his knees and publicly humiliated after being defeated.

So where do we go from there? The Golden Lovers feud has been brewing in social media for years now, and it's finally nearing its climax. It's unlikely they'll battle in the G1 Climax finals (going by Ibushi's recent interview), but Wrestle Kingdom is a huge possibility. The feud could always turn Kenny partially face, as it's obvious that he's in love with Kota and desperately wants to be able to be beside him again, but what does he get from going face? What does he get from actually reconciling with Kota? Kissing Kota? Holding Kota close? On the surface, he gets to be with the one he loves the most, but like, what about Kota? Does Kota take him back? Does Kota lose, accept his loss, and jump into the arms of his former beloved? What happens if Kenneth loses? What if Kota so thoroughly beats his ass in public that Kenneth's entire psyche crumbles in the ring? What we gon do then?

Let's be real. Golden Lovers are not Roppongi Vice no matter how much we want them to be, nor is Golden Lovers a diluted version of the relationship Kenny has with the Bucks and Marty. Kota did not become Kenny's Young Buck and follow him into Elitehood. Kenny, in return, didn't give Kota away to the heavyweight division like Rocky did for Trent. Kenny and Kota drifted apart long before the tag-team's break up. Kenneth wiped the slate, took up a new moniker, became a god amongst men. Kota? The Kota of today is pretty much the same as the Kota of forever. He's still lovable, goofy, dangerous when he puts his mind to it, and determined to always be the performer of the night. He's doing the lord's work, keeping the crowd on its toes, putting on great matches, and bowing in respect to the people who keep his heart full of good feelings.

But Kota wasn't the one who chose his career over love. That was Kenneth. Kenneth chose his career, his future, his new friends, and he humiliated Kota to achieve that.

Public humiliation, by the way. Please never forget that.

He did Kota dirty and then he got mad when Kota left. Now, Kenneth's tryna hijack the narrative to make it sound like Kota's at fault for moving on with his life. They both live for their crowds, but one titillates the crowd just by existing (Kota Ibushi), and one works the crowd for and against his favor however he damn well pleases (Kenneth). A character like Kenny Omega is equal parts anime villain and vicious, angry ex out of a gritty 80's comic book. Whereas Kota's largely been the same cool dude since forever, Kenneth has had a massive shift in character. That shift provided substantial character development, a chance to improve as a wrestler, and the opportunity to become the leader of the Bullet Club brand. And yet, despite the merch, the pretty white bathrobes, and the money, his own stable is turning against him while he froths at the mouth about a man whose largely ignored him over the past two years. Cody and Tama aint wrong. There's a problem in Bullet Club, and it starts with Kenneth Omega.

In an ideal world, Kenneth admits his fault, apologizes to Kota, and they get back together. Maybe Kota doesn't join Bullet Club, but Bullet Club is told to respect their boss's hot boyfriend. Maybe Kota continues his quest to have the best time in his life, and that ends up translating into a full-time contract with New Japan and being beside Kenny.

But that's a fantasy world. We're living in the darkest timeline, so I can almost guarantee that this won't happen. I ask again- what does Kenny get out of being with Kota again? Besides the obvious emotional crutch, what does Kenneth get? Not a goddamn thing. We forget, again, that the Kenny of yesteryear was always lowkey jealous of Kota Ibushi, and that lowkey jealousy festered and turned into the evil that caused Kenny to turn on him. Now that same hatred is prompting his need to meet Kota in the ring because he's too emotionally stunted to talk to Kota appropriately like a human being. I'm pretty sure deep down, Kennth himself sees that he's become a monster and only a shadow of who he used to be.

And because of that zeal, that power, and that absolute pigheadedness we've seen in recent months, Kenneth is one bad day away from telling the world he doesn't need Bullet Club to be the best in the world.  He could say that he put Bullet Club on the map, that Bullet Club owes him for the fame and fortune they reap today, and he wouldn't be half-wrong. And that day? That day's gonna be the day Bullet Club strings him up and does to him what he did to Kota.

And Kota? I don't suppose he's ever going to go full heel, but still, I'd sacrifice my left lung to see Kota Ibushi turn away from Kenny Omega while his own stable eats him alive like the pack of animals that they are. I mean, can we really expect Kota Ibushi to get it on with the leader of a villainous faction whose members murder therapy toys belonging to mentally ill wrestlers? Or how about the leader of a faction that has outwardly racist members that have no problem telling Japanese folks their wrestlers and wrestling doesn't matter because they haven't taken on the big boys in America? Would Kota freaking Ibushi really wanna smash that kinda dude?

I think the fuck not. I feel like Kota has enough self-respect to see that Kenneth's soul is too far gone to salvage, but that's OK. Kenneth is, arguably, at his best because he no longer has Ibushi by his side. He's the best of the best because he's a quality smarmy heel who really does know way too much for his own good. He's alone at the top, but at least he's there. People will say Kota Ibushi was never really a top guy because he's always flaking before making it to the top card, but Kota Ibushi is also the kind of person who invokes love in others. You don't get the biggest pop in the G1 announcements after a two-year absence unless you really are the best of the best, and Kota Ibushi is undoubtedly the best of the best.

So when they finally fight, it'll be the lonely king of a ruthless faction versus a man who chose his mental health and his best life over prolonged suffering next to a petty ex who publicly humiliated him. It's a match not to mend their relationship, but one to end it for good. Kenny doesn't need Kota, and Kota doesn't need Kenny. They loved each other once, but that was a really long time ago. It's time for them to move on now. It's time for Kenny to become the best heel in the business and continue to be a god amongst men, while Kota Ibushi finally climbs his way up the ladder for his first IWGP heavyweight title reign. Maybe one day when they're tired and rundown, when they're no longer feuding, and after they've won their share of titles and reigned long and hard- maybe then they can fall in love all over again, but that day is not today. Today's the day they establish their separate destinies and leave their past behind for good. Today's the day they learn to feud appropriately for titles and for glory, instead of feuding for vindication regarding their break-up. Love's hard, but it's not permanent. People gotta move on for their best life, and maybe this will be a teaching moment for Kennth. Maybe Kenneth will accept things for what they are and move on to fall in love with people who invoke good feelings instead of devotion and jealousy. Maybe Kota will leave New Japan post-G1/Wrestle Kingdom again and continue his international adventures. They deserve to be happy, even if that happiness exists in their permanent separation.

[freddieandersen]

ransom and holster get married the summer before their senior year

they decide not to change their names

birkholtz-oluransi is way too long for a jersey

so is oluransi-birkholtz obviously

also, two players with the same last name on the same line who are both captains? too confusing.

ransom has to fill out med school entrance exams and there are never enough boxes that he’d be able to put birkholtz-oluransi

sometimes he has to be O L U R A N S, J U S T I N

they obviously got married at niagara falls. they send pics to the grouptext and post them all over facebook

but

they forget to mention the marriage part

they’re so excited about all the other stuff they did that they just. forget

there are pictures from the actual wedding on the actual boat that goes under the falls

but they don’t send any of the ceremony just of them being incredibly happy, which is, honestly, not out of the ordinary

they asked the whole team to come up but they never explicitly said Come To Niagara Falls For Our Actual Wedding, just ‘hey you guys should all come up !!’

they wear their rings but after holster got a weird bruise on his hand from the ring when his hand got trapped between his body and the boards in their first practice, they wear them on necklaces

everyone knew they were gonna live together after graduation

the first time the guys realize they’re together, like a couple, never mind married is when they post a pic, kissing, showing off their rings, captioned ‘so grateful we get to be together for the rest of their lives’

the team is like CONGRATS BROS!!!! 

the guys all think r&h have just gotten engaged

but no one says the words ‘engaged’ or ‘married’ or ‘wedding’

so ransom and holster are like ‘thanks!!’ and they don’t say ‘it’s our first anniversary’ because they think everyone already knows that

bitty is internally like ‘do they know their rings are on the wrong hand!!! do i tell them????!!!!???’

eventually the guys are like ‘damn this is a long-ass engagement’

whiskey and tango have gotten together gotten married and adopted a child and ransom and holster are still engaged

chowder and farmer have three children and farmer got a master’s, a phd, and the first authorship on the discovery of a new kind of whale and ransom and holster are still engaged

they must be waiting until ransom’s got a solid position in his hospital and holtz is out of the nhl (it’s gotten better with lgbt athletes, what with jack and kent and a couple others, but it’s still not great, and holster’s good but not a wunderkind like jack or kent, so his being publicly gay might be messy)

the guys don’t actually figure out that ransom and holster are married until ten years after the fact

r&h invite everybody out to seattle for their tenth anniversary

everyone goes even though they’re like ‘uh. anniversaries are usually for weddings not engagements. but whatever these are our bros and we support them’

shitty gives them a bunch of tin and tells them to appropriate WASP marriage culture (bc, u know, one is Black, one is Jewish, neither of them are married)

lardo’s like ‘also it’s your ninth?? shitty’s getting tenth reunion emails, our tenth reunion and thus your tenth anniversary won’t be until next summer’

tango’s just like ‘are you guys ever gonna get married??’

ransom and holster are very confused

uh guys??? you know we’re married right?

i mean we’re not as Married TM as jack and bitty or god forbid chowder and farmer but... we are. definitely married

we’ve been married for a decade

we call each other our husbands

everyone: ‘WHAT THE FUCK WHEN DID YOU GET MARRIED????’

‘i mean.... it’s in the title..... it’s our tenth anniversary.... so....... ten years ago’

bitty, shocked and horrified: ‘you didn”T INVITE ME TO YOUR WEDDING????????’

rans: ‘bro we did’

bitty: ‘you most certainly did not!’

holtz: ‘we invited all you guys?’

everyone: ‘lies, we never got invited to any wedding’

‘we invited everyone up to niagara over the summer? nobody came which was kind of a bummer honestly’

lardo, who has been silently rethinking life: ‘but that means you would have been married our entire senior year’

holster: ‘you are not wrong’

ransom: ‘why did you think all the married students housing applications kept being delivered to the haus’

dex: ‘nursey and i were pretty sure it was because of chowder’

chowder: ‘i didn’t get married THAT early’

ransom and holster are forced to resort to pulling out their actual legal marriage certificates

both of them

from two countries

shitty needs to sit down and reevaluate his entire life

bitty is mortified that he never made them a wedding cake or a marriage pie or anything

whiskey walks in late to the discussion because he was changing his and tango’s daughter’s diaper

he silently hands over a card. it just says ‘happy ten years. niagara has never seen a stronger love’

whiskey has been fully aware that ransom and holster were married. 

for a decade.

he was actually their legal witness.

because he was the only one who shOWED UP THAT WEEKEND

he wasn’t even on the team

he still doesn’t know how he got added to the grouptext

he just showed up because he thought it was some kind of team bonding thing

his cousin john said he should go, said it would be ‘narratively entertaining’

tl;dr: ransom and holster got married and managed to accidentally not tell anyone on smh for ten entire years

brought to you in part by @the-strangest-sea