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tinky-dinky · 1 year ago

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Alfred might have convinced Bruce, but who went ahead, trained and took Tim out as Robin? Who had already set the precedent of having a child sidekick? Bruce. So, nope, he’s still to blame.

Again, I really do not care about Damian’s background or all the excuses for his behaviour. No, his background does not mean his behaviour should be treated differently. If anything, they need to be stricter on Damian than the others, seeing as he’s willing and able to kill.

The ‘he doesn’t know it’s wrong’ excuse only works for the first time he tried to kill Tim. After that, presumably, either Bruce or Dick told him that killing people is wrong. That he chose to try and kill Tim again is all on him and inexcusable.

Dick absolutely was the light to Batman’s dark. That’s how that whole thing started. Don’t be stupid. And, no, what Damian needed was actual consequences, not being rewarded with exactly what he wanted whilst simultaneously screwing over Tim.

Did I say that Superman and Wonder Woman could drop everything? No. But they could help every so often. So could Dick’s other friends, like (Kid) Flash, Arsenal (now wouldn’t he be helpful for parenting advice?), Wonder Girl, etc. It’s almost like there’s a whole large world of superheroes out there who could help.

Or, who know who else could help? Do some patrolling, ease Dick’s ‘burden’ there? Babs and the Sirens! Batwing! Jason! Dick’s so insistent on Tim having to get along with his murderous sibling, why isn’t he getting along with his?

Yeah, Jason coming back was a miracle. But by the time of Bruce’s death, heroes coming back was a regular thing. And it wasn’t like Tim didn’t have any proof. It just seems very stupid and very nasty to decide Tim’s crazy.

You wanted to talk about Steph? Fine. I want to talk about Tim, seeing as you’ve gone over Damian and Dick’s struggles. Let’s talk about the sad sad life of Tim Drake.

So Tim’s bio parents are both dead, his dad very recently. His best friends? All dead, except for Cassie, who had joined a cult. His adoptive father? Possibly dead, possibly alive. His brother thinks he’s crazy and is prioritising Damian, who is violent and insulting to Tim, because he thinks Tim can cope, which shows how little attention he is paying to Tim because it is blatantly obvious he is not coping. Then, to cap it all off, he gets Robin- the reason he’s even part of the Batfam- taken away from him without anyone even asking and it’s given to the little brat who has made his life hell. So that leaves Tim with only one reason to keep going: that he believes Bruce is alive. Hence why he leaves and goes on a suicide quest to bring him back. If he’d died on that quest, it would have been Dick’s (and Damian’s) fault.

Oh, and that’s on top of a background of child abuse and neglect (everyone always seems to forget that Damian is far from the only Robin to come from abuse; if anything that’s the rule, not the exception, see: Jason and Steph as well) due to his absent parents and angry aggressive father. And that he was trained by Bruce at his harshest because Jason had just died.

Yeah, things haven’t been easy for Tim. And instead of providing emotional support for this heavily bereaved barely sixteen year old, his brother calls him crazy and allows Damian to physically attack and verbally bully him.

Ok so I'm back on my Batfam bullshit (as if I ever left, ha!) and I have some thoughts.

My opinion on Robins remains that child soldiers are not okay and that the nine (Dick), twelve (Jason and Tim) and ten (Damian) year olds may have chosen to be Robin, but a) they should not have been in a position to make that choice and b) Bruce is the parent and the adult in the situation, he should have done what every parent does when their child decides to ignore self preservation and do something incredibly dangerous- stopped them. That is practically the entire job of a parent.

If there was truly no way Bruce could have stopped Dick from being Robin, and Jason was still Robin, it should have stopped there. There is no sane logical reason for continuing to allow children to fight villains after a fifteen year old child was violently murdered because he was Robin. None.

I loathe the thing the fandom does where they have all the Robins just ignore Batman's orders and argue with him about him giving them orders or making decisions for their safety. He is the adult with all of the experience. He is the one who makes orders and he is the one in charge of who goes out and who doesn't. Frankly, if the Robins aren't mature enough to understand that, then they shouldn't be out crimefighting.

My opinion on the Tim/Dick/Damian situation remains the same. Dick handled it abysmally. He never should have given Damian Robin, for a variety of reasons. For one, Damian has not demonstrated any of the necessary qualities for a Robin beyond fighting abilities. Robin is supposed to be the light to Batman's darkness. Damian is not that. He's not cheerful, or kind, or interested in anything besides fighting people. He has no people skills, so he can't be trusted with witnesses. He can't even be trusted not to kill people.

Then there's the Tim issue. Giving Damian Robin after his attempts to kill Tim just reinforces that it doesn't matter if he tries to kill one of his brothers. This is confirmed when he tries to kill Tim as Robin and doesn't, as far as I can tell, receive any kind of consequences because his feelings were hurt.

I've seen a number of excuses made for Dick and I think all of them are bullshit. He's barely in his twenties? So was Bruce when he became Batman and took Dick in, and Dick has the benefit of years of experience with both vigilantisim and team work with children. He's got a lot to deal with? No, not really. Dick is managing being Batman and being guardian of Damian and Tim. Considering that Bruce was Batman, CEO of WE and had multiple children/sidekicks to manage, Dick's got it fairly light comparatively. Also, Alfred's there. It's not like Dick's doing this alone. Steph's 'dead', I think, but Babs should be about to help with the crimefighting. And maybe Jason? I'm unclear on what the situation is with him at this point. And it's not like Dick doesn't have friends and allies he could ask to help him.

Well, that's a lot, so I think I'll leave it there for now.

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tsrookie · 4 years ago

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For the hc asks, what do you think would happen if at some point in Ethan and MC's future, Ethan was the one in some kind of serious accident/illness? There's lots of fics where something happens to MC, and obviously we have canon with the attack, but I'm curious about your thoughts on the opposite happening

Oof. Thanks for the ask anon! (This just turned into something completely different from what I had initially planned, so it’s a bit lengthy)

——————————

MC’s halfway through her third year. It’s an absolute pain with Leland around. He prioritises finding a cure for Caroline over everything else, so the diagnostics team is unable to give their fullest to the patients who actually need them. He keeps adding more facilities to the hospital, so the construction work seems never ending at this point.

She arrives at the hospital for her night shift, when she hears a loud explosion. She looks up in horror and sees a room on the sixth floor in flames.

Dread settles into the pit of her stomach as she rushes into the hospital, barging past security. Ethan had texted her just a few minutes ago, asking her to meet him on that very same floor.

Ethan feels a sharp pain in his forehead, and realises that he’s bleeding. He keeps little Jess close to him as she cries in fear. The poor kid was searching for her parents, and he had offered to help. They had reached the gas cylinder room, when Ethan saw the sparks.

The newly connected wires had broken, and the sparks were flying dangerously close to the gas canisters. He rushed into a nearby room and slammed the door shut, with a terrified Jess in his arms.

The loud explosion sent him hurtling to the the opposite side of the room. Jess clinged on to him for dear life, her fearful cries muffled by the roaring fire.

He takes a moment to recover from the initial shock, then his doctor instincts kick in. He lays Jess down and asks her to tell him if she feels any pain. She cries out loud when he checks her leg. She’s bleeding profusely due to a deep gash, and there was only so much pain she could take.

He takes off his coat and ties it around her leg to control the bleeding. She frightfully asks him if they were going to be safe. He takes a deep breath to try and nullify his own pain. MC’s image flashes through his mind, and the throbbing ache takes a backseat. He nods determinedly to Jess, internally vowing to get back to MC, no matter what it took.

He scans his surroundings. He sees the fire slowly spreading to the rest of the floor, and the walls threatening to crack and fall.

He manages to locate a door amongst the smoke across the corridor. He picks Jess up and tells a silent prayer for them to safely get out of there.

He narrowly misses a huge canister by seconds. He tries to calm himself down for Jess’ sake, but finds it incredibly hard to do given the hazardous environment. He feels his vision grow blurry as the smoke threatens to overwhelm him, but snaps out of it when Jess lets out another cry.

He finally reaches the door, and almost falls to his knees gasping for air. He staggers down the stairs, just as another explosion reaches his ears.

He hears loud shouts from the opposite side of the corridor. He can barely register whose voice it was before he finally collapses. The last thing he sees is a flash of auburn.

MC yells orders to everyone nearby, terrified at the sight of Ethan’s unconscious form. She drops to her knees and checks his pulse, all while trying to get him to wake up.

The nurses carry a passed out Jess to a nearby patient room, as more doctors arrive to place Ethan on a stretcher. Zaid holds MC back from going with them, despite her desperate cries.

Miraculously, he hasn’t suffered any major injuries. Just a few minor burns and cuts on his arms and legs. He passed out mainly due to smoke inhalation, due to which he was to be placed on the ventilator for a while. MC heaves out a sigh of relief when she’s informed that Ethan would make a full recovery in a week or two.

Jess is alright as well. Three more people suffered injuries due to the accident, but none fatal.

Ethan wakes up to MC holding his hand and stroking his hair. She doesn’t have to say a word for him to understand how he scared the living daylights out of her. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying and lack of sleep.

She gives him a tired smile, filled with relief and love. He gives her hand a weak squeeze, and she presses a soft kiss to it.

She gets into the bed, careful not to touch any of his wounds. Kissing his forehead, she settles in for a much required nap, with his hands intertwined with hers.

Once he’s able to talk, he spends an entire hour with MC before seeing anyone else. He asks her about Jess, and is relieved to know that she’s recovering well.

He apologises to MC for putting her through the pain and fear he had once experienced. She silences him with a kiss, and tells him that none of it was his fault. She assures him that the only thing that mattered to her was that he had saved a little girl’s life, and gotten himself out of there.

When Ethan is asked whether he’ll be able to speak at a board meeting regarding the incident, he asks for MC to speak on his behalf. She protests, saying that she’s a mere third-year resident, but relents when Ethan tells her she’s the only one he trusts enough to have his best interests by heart.

At the meeting, Leland doesn’t own up to his mistakes, and constantly keeps emphasising on the fact that mistakes and accidents take place. He offers to compensate for the losses with more money.

When the board tells him that this isn’t something he can easily fix with a mount load of cash, and point out the various smaller mishaps that have taken place since his acquisition of Edenbrook, he shrugs it off and tells them that Edenbrook has had plenty of accidents in the past, and no further measures were taken after the attack the previous year. Something inside MC snaps at that moment.

“No. No, you don’t get to talk about what happened last year. You weren’t there when this hospital lost two of their finest members. You weren’t there to see how everyone suffered from their deaths. You don’t know how much Danny and Bobby meant to everyone in this room. Travis Perry, the one who set the gas free, died before any further action could be taken. You don’t know the fear of every single doctor who worked to find the cure. You don’t know about how much I personally went through watching two of my friends die, and one of them nearly. You don’t know the physical and mental toil it took on the victims. You. Have. No idea. About any of that. What happened last year wasn’t just an accident due to negligence on the hospital’s part, it was a textbook definition of an assassination attack. So yeah, you don’t get to compare what happened last year to you turning a blind eye to the problems of the hospital, because of the extra renovations you made. If someone had died in this...”

Her eyes burn with a fire no one had ever witnessed before. She takes a deep breath, trying not to think of what could’ve happened to Ethan, before continuing at a shell-shocked Leland, who looks like a deer caught in headlights.

“If someone had died in this fire, it would’ve been entirely on your shoulders, for failing to properly supervise the constructions. This isn’t the way things are supposed to work at a hospital, Leland. You want the hospital to become a premier research center, but did you honestly think about that when the hospital was sinking? Did you attend that charity gala last year, which was our last chance of saving the hospital? Did you find the need to donate money when we needed the most? You want a cure for Caroline, and that’s understandable. But you can’t keep making changes around here, and then fail to oversee the transitions properly. So please, stop trying to say that what just happened, wasn’t your fault.”

She finally sits down, with every single person in the room in complete awe. Naveen glances at her direction with a glimmer of pride. She isn’t an intern who used to have trouble navigating the corridors anymore. She’s a doctor who knows her place in the hospital, a member of the most prestigious diagnostics team in the country, and she knew damn well what was right and what was wrong.

MC knows that she could possibly lose her job due to her outburst, yet the looks on the faces of the board members tell her otherwise. The rest of the meeting passes with Leland finally admitting to his negligence over the more minor details, which have cause issues since he came to the hospital. They agree to have a few more meetings to discuss the measures to be taken to fix the damages of the accident, and Leland’s administration.

Naveen walks up to her after the meeting, and tells her that she technically wouldn’t be in any trouble, since she was speaking on Ethan’s behalf, and he would’ve done the exact same thing she had done. And no one would dare speak up against Ethan Ramsey. She laughs at the truthfulness of the statement.

“But I never want to become a carbon copy of him at any point. That would be terrible.”

“Now what would be so bad about that?”

“He terrorises the interns! I never want to become that strict.”

“Well... he hasn’t been terrorising them that much recently. Probably since he knows a certain someone was an intern when he first fell for them.”

She smiles sheepishly, as they both walk towards Ethan’s room.

“I’m really glad he’s okay. I don’t know what I would’ve done if...” She trails off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

“I know, MC. Me too.”

Once she reaches Ethan’s room, her lips quirk up into a smile as she finds him trying to pass time on social media. After a quick kiss, he asks her about the meeting. She relays the entire thing, and needless to say, he’s highly impressed.

He tells her to go home after a while, but she tenderly replies that she wasn’t going anywhere. He stayed by her side when she was a patient, and she wasn’t about to leave him when the tables were turned.

Ethan sighs, and pulling MC close, he finally drifts off into a peaceful slumber.

——————————

A/N: I gave it a happy ending!😅 I know this was more of a mini-fic than a hc, but I couldn’t help myself! Hope it made sense, ‘cause I have no clue about any construction work whatsoever.

Also, thank you so much for all the requests you’ve been sending! I’ve got plenty of stuff to work on now, so thanks a lot for that💙

Taglist: @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @starrystarrytrouble @dxnicaramsey @decadentwinnerjudgedream @imonlybibecauseofethanramsey @rookiefromedenbrook @bratzlahela @eramsey28 @the-pale-goddess @ohchoices @wellhelloramsey @pitchblackstars @mvalentine @swiftlydarcy @utterlyinevitable @angela8754 @akshara16 @sushiharrington @drethanramslay @lion-ess24 @whippedforethanfreakingramsey @choicesstan1 @aarisa-frost @drariellevalentine @perriewinklenerdie @blossomanarchy @nikki-2406 @stateofgracious @takemyopenheart @open-heart-ramseyyy @maurine07 @udishaman @queencarb @ethanramseylover @rookiemarsswiftie @aworldoffandoms

Let me know if you wanna be added to or removed from the taglist!

#open heart #ethan ramsey #open heart second year #dr ethan ramsey x mc #ethan jonah ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #playchoices #ethan ramsey fanfiction #mercy writes

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nightingaletrash · 4 years ago

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Hello 😄 Could I ask for 4, 5, 9, 13 for the Hero of Oakvale Ask Game? And please tell me if I asked too many at once 😅 I rarely interact, but I really love reading your stories and headcanons 😁 / Have a good day 😀

Yay, thank you!! And there’s no such thing as too many :D

Doggo

Cole didn’t keep any pets during his adventures. For one, he couldn’t keep a pet in the Guild, and after leaving he didn’t see the point. He was too busy, he didn’t have time to look after a pet, and the time consumption would be annoying - basically he had a whole bunch of reasons for not having a pet of any kind. And on an unconscious level, it was also about not wanting another attachment to lose.

After dealing with Jack in the Northern Wastes, he ends up turning to the life of a farmer, which probably surprised a whole lot of people, and he ended up with all sorts of animals to tend to. Among them were his herding dogs, who definitely did not end up sleeping on top of him, no sir.

Sister

Cole always felt a little distant from Theresa when they were children. It’s not like they didn’t get along, they did, but from the outset it was obvious that she was different. She had her dreams, always keeping her just one step ahead of him, and in a way, Cole resented her a little because while she was showing the signs of being a Hero like their mother, he felt like he was only ever perfectly ordinary. Still, she looked out for him and if anyone ever tried to pick on Theresa for her oddness, Cole was always ready to leap to her defense. They played together, studied together, and shared an otherwise ordinary sibling bond.

On the day of the bandit raid, Theresa hid Cole in the forest before running off to try and lead the bandits away from him - it left him with an immense sense of guilt for surviving and for ever resenting her because she may well have died for him.

When Maze informed him that Theresa may have actually survived the raid, finding her became less of a goal and more of an obsession for Cole. He was blinded to all his other duties and responsibilities because his big sister, who risked her life to save his, might be out there. He barely even cared about Twinblade (supposedly) leading the raid on Oakvale despite that being his driving purpose in life. All he cared about was finding Theresa and ensuring her safety.

So, as you can imagine, he went through a whole rollercoaster of emotions when she reveals herself as the Bandit Seeress. After learning what had been done to her - watching their mother being tortured, having her eyes cut out for refusing to tell Jack where her brother was, being left for dead in the woods, and being raised at Twinblade’s side - something inside him... it didn’t quite break. But it changed. His sister had suffered and endured so much because she had prioritised his safety during the raid, and seeing her so different, so changed from the sweet, slightly odd young girl she used to be, that did something to him.

At times it was easy to be a little frustrated when working with Theresa, as she obviously knew things that she wasn’t telling, and Cole wished she’d just be more transparent with him, but he never pushed. His guilt constantly got the better of him when it came to her; she never blamed him or used it against him, she had chosen to save him and didn’t regret doing so, but he just constantly felt as if he had failed her despite having only been a child himself.

In the end, I don’t think Cole and Theresa saw each other again. They had gone in different directions as they tried to heal their lifetime of wounds. Theresa wanted to find a way to stop such terrible things happening ever again, while Cole was done being the Big Important Hero after defeating Jack for good. They saw the world from different perspectives, so it was... natural that they drifted as they did. Each kept the other in their thoughts always, but the separation was inevitable, if tragic.

Rival

Okay so I can’t be the only one who wanted to romance Whisper, right? Right?!

Whisper was perhaps the only person in the world that Cole truly felt comfortable around. His stern face and deadpan voice might never change, but Whisper had a way of drawing him out of his shell a little. When she learned about how he’d come to join the Guild, she’d tried to play at being nicer and not calling him Farm Boy... which was weird and uncomfortable for both of them, so it was a relief when Cole told her to stop.

She was always pushing him to his limits, challenging him to be better, and so he offered the same in turn, forcing her to adapt and push back, which resulted in both of them growing to be strong, fast, and adaptable as hell.

When the teams round at the Arena was announced, Cole was completely annoyed at the idea because he didn’t want to fight at some stranger’s side without having the ability to opt out. When it was Whisper that walked into the ring, he changed his mind there and then because he knows how Whisper fights and she know how he fights. Working together, they’re utterly deadly and the Arena challenge is in the bag. Which it is, as they fight together without rest...! Until Jack ordered them to fight to the death.

The moment Jack ordered that, Cole threw down his axe and refused to fight. He wasn’t going to kill Whisper. He had what he wanted from the Arena, he wasn’t giving it a drop more. When the crowd started jeering and demanding blood, Whisper suggested they make it an exhibition match so that no one tried to kill both of them to make up for his refusal. He grudgingly agreed, and the match played out and ending in Cole’s victory. Naturally it was followed by him telling Jack to go fuck himself and offering Whisper a healing potion before they hobbled out of the Arena together.

But it wasn’t until Whisper decided to leave Albion and return to the Southern Islands that it really hit Cole just how much she really meant to him. That she was the only friend he really had, the one person in the whole world who had even an inkling of what was going on in his head, and one of the very few people who ever gave a genuine damn about him. And she was leaving because she felt like she just couldn’t keep up with him. Add that to the list of things Cole feels guilty about.

Anyway, Cole saw her off at the docks and as she vanished over the horizon, he realised how alone he really was.

After stopping Jack in the Northern Wastes, Cole writes to Whisper about how he’s done with the guild and being a Hero, and right now he just needs a friend and if it’s okay if he comes to visit her in the Southern Isles. She tells him that he’d better, and that there’s a farm up for sale in her area if he’s interested.

Cole never returned to Albion after his departure, despite stories to the contrary. He was perfectly happy spending the rest of his years at Whisper’s side.

Family

Cole didn’t marry at all over the course of Fable. He was completely focused on avenging his family and his home, and he didn’t have the time, the patience or the desire.

Afterwards, he goes to visit Whisper in the Southern Isles, only to end up purchasing a farm and retiring from the guild because he realises that he’s done enough, and he wants to be able to do something with his life that doesn’t require fighting and killing unless it’s absolutely necessary. He ultimately marries Whisper and has some kids with her; three girls, with the older pair being twins. The twins spent their whole lives in the Southern Isles, following in their mother’s footsteps and protecting their people, while the youngest daughter decided to go to Albion and join the Guild.

#iustine #fable anniversary #cole reaper #theresa #whisper #cole/whisper #hehe i rambled so much

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brooklynislandgirl · 4 years ago

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Stress

Driftwood || Accepting @therealgamble {for inclusion}

Arrest Me, Please

Fourth of July is a time for cook-outs, family, winding down with a bonfire on the beach. Usually Andy absconds inside with his noise-cancellation headphones and man’s the bar while everyone else is outside enjoying multiple firework displays, but it’s often not a big deal, less so here in California than in New York. And Beth herself had wanted to be curled up between two particular cops that weren’t related to her. Sipping on sangria, nibbling on the vegan hot-dogs that no one else would touch.

She’s not that lucky. She is working a night shift in the ER as the front desk Triage nurse. And to call the waiting room a disaster would have been the understatement of the century. Every room in the hospital is full and out of the fifty bed ER, they are boarding admitted patients which effectively cut them down to thirty rooms, sometimes double and triple stacking the ER patients, trying to dismiss as many as possible at the most reasonable moments. But that doesn’t stop ambulances from bringing in more patients. The hospital never goes on divert protocol. They could have been on fire, with a hostage situation, no power, under a tsunami and the admins would still not go on divert. That and people keep walking through the door.

And that leaves Beth to be their most accessible whipping boy for all of their fear and anger and pain. She knows there’s at least fifty patients in the waiting room, each of them having at least one and up to ten visitors with them. She is in charge of making sure that everyone is assessed, has the proper labs and imaging ordered, and preformed. She is responsible for knowing the results of all these factors, prioritising them appropriately, ignoring the sound of beeping call lights, interns that don’t know their heads from their....holes in the ground, and an ever mounting set of charts sitting haphazardly at the corner of the counter.

Being the person who makes sure no one dies in the waiting room is enough to stress anyone, and she’s capable of recognising when someone is in dire straights and needing a bed she can conjure out of nowhere.

She’s leaning over the counter, several inches taller than she is, and grabbing a phone, ringing up the charge nurse.

“I need a bed. Got a patient here that’s hypotensive, history of GI bleeding and the lab drawn at the doctor’s office today came back with a haemoglobin of 4.1. This guy needs a bed and blood, because he’s still actively having bloody bowel movements.” There’s a moment of silence. “I don’t have any beds.” “Then clear off your desk and I’ll lay them down on it, because we’re coming back.”

“Alright. Alright. Don’t get your panties in a twist, Moana. Start walking. I’ll find you a stretcher somewhere by the time you get back here.”

And so it goes...for ten hours. She lets the racial slurs go. She lets the cursing and the crying wash over her like a big wave because there’s nothing else she can do, it’s the third of her twelve hour shifts in a row, and her patients are missing the same holiday she is with their families, and her emotional exhaustion has no bearing on the care they should receive. And so what if she’s got a splitting headache, is dehydrated from not having had anything to eat or drink, and she’s running on empty.

She gets her patients slowly situated, always returning to man her post. Walking with one physician who asks her for her assistance, she doesn’t see the woman running up to her until the woman’s hand comes down on her forearm, physically stopping her. Makes mention that Beth was her husband’s nurse the night before and was about to ask a question when she was flagged down. Beth kept walking with the doctor but she couldn’t leave it. Promises she’ll only be a minute. She isn’t the man’s nurse tonight but that doesn’t mean she can just brush off the wife’s concern. When she gets to the patient’s room, his eyes have rolled back and he’s clearly coding. Another nurse, the one assigned to him, looks up at Beth, white as freshly laundered sheets. She is young and new and is very tense. “PE! I think he threw a PE!”

Beth starts the cpr and tells New Girl to call the code, which she does.

The patient did not survive.

Her arms feel like noodles, she’s barely able to lift them without pain. Everything she’s feeling is shoved down into a box and she can’t let herself cry, can’t sit somewhere quiet and wonder if she did everything she could, if she might have done something different that might have saved his life. But the night carries on, and so must she. By four in the morning, she’s done. She hasn’t got anything left. That’s when Brian slips in. Coming up to the desk. Not an uncommon occurrence to find a cop there, usually looking for someone who was in a car accident, usually following up. He doesn’t get a word out. “I did it.” Brows gather over his eyes like thunderclouds, his expression clearly perplexed. “Uh...what?”

“Whatever it is you’re here for, Bri, whatever warrant for whatever crime....I confess. I did it. Please just arrest me, so I can leave.”

He laughs. “Sorry, that’s not how it works, Jellybean. Rough shift?” She nodded, the misery and deprivation written over her features, in the bags under her eyes, in the fact that he could bend a piece of rebar over her shoulders that have become like anvils from the tension racing through her system. The sun won’t be up for another hour, but she swears the clouds part behind him and light wraps him up in a holy nimbus as he lifts his hands. There’s a giant cup of coffee in one hand ~soy vanilla chai latte with a quad-shot of espresso~ and in the other is a paper bag that she can smell her cook out food still warm inside. “Your brother was winding everything down and I figured you could use a pick-me-up.”

She comes out from the back office space and presses her face into his chest. Arms wrap around his waist. She can smell a lingering trace of wood smoke, beer, and all the other things like his soap and fabric softener. Nothing has ever been so welcome in her life, and it takes the last of her fragile emotional strength not to just cry. They’ve talked for less than a minute, but this is the most compassion and kindness she’d been shown all weekend, and it’s a phenomenal salve on all of the rough, broken, bleeding, emotional wounds of trying to manage a hundred and twenty people on her own. Maybe Brian senses it too. Maybe he recognises the insanity of the job. That is isn’t necessarily what’s going on during a shift so much as how you can handle it. “Okay, Okay, let go or I’m drinking all of your coffee myself.” It’s enough to pull her together. “You get off at six, right?” She nods, damply. “Great. I’ll be in the parking lot. We’ll catch breakfast at El Matador. Watch all the losers wipe out on the first surf, and make fun of them.” “Have I tol’ ya, I love you.” “Many, many times, and it’s never gonna happen, babe.” He brushes a kiss against her forehead, shoves the food and drink in her hands and walks out knowing he’s done a good deed. What he doesn’t know is how much better he makes the last two hours go.

#Mahalo!Nonny Mouse <33 #She's Talking to Angels {Bethisms}#Making Wishes on Passing Cars|Answered Asks #Honourable Mention|Brian Gamble #Thin Blue Lines|Swat verse #California Screaming #medical tw #hospital tw #Anonymous

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ownworldresident · 5 years ago

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Side by Side. Chapter 15: Pick Your Battles

Premise: King Liam x Rayne (MC): With new additions to their family, Rayne and Liam are forced to re-evaluate their relationship.

Disclaimer: Most characters are the property of Pixelberry studios. I am just borrowing them and will return them when I am done, some less traumatised than others.

Themes: found family, hurt/comfort, angst

MASTERLIST

Side by Side Masterlist

Chapter Fifteen: Pick Your Battles

“I want to marry you.”

The room, empty but for the two of them, fell quieter after Liam spoke. Rayne wrapped her arms around herself as she considered her answer. Finally, she nodded, and Liam exhaled. He stood and approached her, but her arms stayed tight against her chest. “All I ever wanted was you,” Liam continued softly, lifting a hand to graze over her cheek, “however I could. Having you with me in this life is truly a gift and I am thankful for every breath I take by your side.” He sighed. “I am telling you this so you know it, not to sway you.”

“I know.” Rayne offered the slightest smile, then turned and moved away from him through the parlour. This was one of her favourite rooms in the palace, and she hoped it wouldn’t be tainted if this conversation ended badly. “Thank you for telling me,” she said, lowering her arms to fiddle with the dried flowers in a tabletop vase, “I’ll admit that it scares me. Part of me is afraid of what will happen when this happens, and to everyone except me it seems inevitable.”

“And the other part?” Liam prompted after a few empty moments. Several feet away, Rayne dropped her arms and turned back. Her tone grew sharper.

“The other part of me is angry. No matter what I do or say, no one hesitates to second guess my judgement. Even my friend accused me of lacking in self-respect.” Rayne’s nails pressed against her palms as her hands balled into fists. “I could ignore it because I knew you were never going to ask me, and I could pretend that it wasn’t only my will that kept them all at bay. I pretended that everything was okay, just like you did with Madeleine, even though it wasn’t.”

“I know what I’m capable of, Liam. I know what I can do.” Rayne blinked back tears; she had said this to herself so many times, but the only time they heard it was when they spoke behind her back. “I left it, and you never asked, and it was comfortable. I was safe, but they…” She gestured toward the door, “didn’t believe that, did they.”

Her arms relaxed and she clasped her hands before her, watching Liam’s patient observation as he chose his words.

“They have a habit of being right,” he said hesitantly, “I suppose we should be grateful to them.”

“To an extent, maybe.” Rayne swallowed hard and rubbed the back of her neck. “It doesn’t change the fact that you just broke our agreement. I know you said you weren’t trying to sway me, but both of us have been backed into corners.”

“Not entirely true, and I told you, almost a year ago now, that I wouldn’t pretend to know your reasons.” Liam stepped closer. “But I would respect them, and I do. I have to ask you to consider, though. If your duty to your kingdom transcended that which was to yourself; if you were raised to exhibit stability and security over desire or even love, would you serve your people, or prioritise the latter?” He stepped closer again and offered his hands to take hers. Rayne stared at them, then her brow furrowed as she met Liam’s gaze.

“I would find a compromise,” she stated matter-of-factly. It was the most logical decision to make, if not the easiest to execute.

“Something I have considered.” Liam nodded, and reached out to hold Rayne’s hands. “but a compromise doesn’t mean forgetting the part you least anticipate.”

The logic of Liam’s argument was well-founded, but this wasn’t even a discussion. Liam squeezed her hands and she returned the gentle pressure before answering.

“It seems we have reached an impasse, then,” she said.

“Indeed.” A soft spark in Liam’s eye matched his rueful smile. “Thank you for allowing me to express my thoughts.”

“Of course.” Rayne’s small smile quickly faded. “This can’t affect the trial.”

“It won’t.” Liam squeezed her hands again. “Nor can it affect Leo and Evie. We can pick up our discussion when things have settled.”

Genevieve wore her day clothes into court, much more at home in quality linen than standard cotton. She entered calmly, though from the stand Rayne observed the delicate flush in her cheeks and the way she tried not to wring her hands together. Liam waited until she had recited an oath to be truthful and was seated before he continued.

“Thank you for your cooperation, Ms. O’Mara,” he began, “we’ll begin with basic questions, and if you feel the need to make a short statement to the court, you are welcome to do so following those.”

“Thank you, King Liam.” Gen lifted her chin to him, her eyes flicking over to where Rayne sat with Leo and Regina. She kept her mother’s gaze until Gen looked away. “Genevieve is perfectly fine, though.”

Now that they had a crowd, Rayne watched Gen’s professional persona come online. She could be very charismatic when she wanted to be, and Rayne was glad that the judge was Liam.

“Good. Now. Have you been in contact with Countess Madeleine before or since your arrival in Cordonia this month?”

Gen nodded. “I was put in touch with her a few months ago.”

“And was the objective to transfer custody of Crown Prince Leo Rhys and Princess Evelyn Rhys from Lady Rayne and myself to the Countess?”

“It was.” At her words there was a collective intake of breath from the crowd. A hand rested on Rayne’s trembling one and squeezed it, and when she turned to see Leo looking at her with concern, she realised how rigid her posture was. A massage wouldn’t go astray. Rayne smiled gratefully and Leo continued to hold her hand in both of his.

“And did you arrange for me to sign over custody?”

Looking across to the other group at the top of the room, Rayne caught her friend’s eye. Clair smirked, giving her a thumbs up and a wink before returning rapt attention to the trial.

“I did.” Gen looked away, and her voice sounded resigned. “I organised to deliver a drug to you through an assistant in my employ. I had them coerce you into signing the form while you were in a suggestible state, which Madeleine then took to a council meeting I believe while you remained unconscious in your room.”

“In his room…” Leo whispered, leaning close to Rayne’s ear, “didn’t you find him in his office?”

Rayne nodded, eyes still on Gen.

“I see.” Liam looked at the notes in front of him, but from the depth of his frown Rayne knew he wasn’t reading them. The room was silent, all eyes on the king, as he measured his next words. Minutes seemed to pass, and Rayne felt sweat on her palms, holding in a breath. His gaze flicked to Rayne’s for barely a moment, an apology in them that ran deep. She swallowed hard and kept her face impassive.

“I have one more question for you, before we adjourn.” Liam’s piercing focus travelled to the woman he questioned. His voice deep and even, he asked, “what prompted you to take part in this?”

Nobody in the room moved a muscle as Gen closed her eyes, smoothed her clothes, then lifted her chin. Rayne had played this game long enough to know a fake sorrow from a true one. She had seen a similar one in her own mirror before; the expression was genuinely strained. Her mother locked eyes with her.

“I wanted… all I ever wanted… is to have my daughter back.”

The winter would arrive for them soon, but for now autumn was warm; perfect for a day away from the palace. Liam offered a hand to Rayne as she stepped out of the car, then circled to the opposite passenger side to unbuckle Evie as Rayne did the same for Leo. He handed a thick blanket to Rayne and pulled out a basket, leaning in for a brief kiss before they left the car and entered the woods.

“Do you remember the way?” asked Rayne. Liam kept her pace, an easy smile on his face as they walked through dappled shade beneath rusty, swaying leaves.

“Yes.” He turned to see the same smooth, calm expression on Rayne’s face as she smiled back at him.

“Good.”

They didn’t walk much further to reach the clearing they visited most often. An almost flat area near the edge was large enough to lay out their blanket and shaded enough to sit in for hours. Soon enough they could relax back, and with a contented sigh he lay on his back and rested Evie on his chest.

“Hey beautiful girl,” he cooed, “welcome to our favourite place.” He looped his fingers in her fists and she applied some pressure as she squeezed them, lifting her head to watch him. Liam moved his fingers in small circles, and Evie wriggled her arms as she followed, smiling widely. He glanced at Rayne, who beamed at them. “She has your smile.”

“They’re getting stronger.” Rayne looked down at Leo, who watched the swaying trees above them, mouth slightly ajar. Liam watched her run two fingers down his cheek, and his heart swelled at the pure love on her face as she did. Evie rested her chin on his chest and brought back his attention, resuming the gentle motions.

After some time they opened the picnic basket and pulled out lunch for him and Rayne and toys for the twins, who were settled on softer blankets beside each other. Liam looped an arm around Rayne’s waist and pulled her closer, kissing her sweetly when she turned her head to him, then leaning his forehead against hers.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“I love you more.” Rayne smirked as she pulled back and reached for the sandwiches and handed one to him.

“I don’t think that’s possible.” He smiled and accepted the food.

Rayne braced both hands behind her and arched her back and neck in a deep stretch, smiling at the leafy canopy. Her smile faltered when she straightened, and for a moment she was tense again, then she sighed and reached for her sandwich, her smile a little subdued.

Not until they were repacking the basket did she reveal what was bothering her.

“I think…” She reached for discarded toys, then paused with them in hand and turned to him. “I think that Gen is lying.”

Liam watched her carefully and kept his answer even. “Are you sure?”

“Not completely.” Rayne placed the toys in the basket and closed the lid. “But the way she answered those questions… complete shift from her interview in New York, and she has no reason to confess so much, so succinctly. Her whole career is built on half truths, after all.”

“I see.” Liam stood and moved the basket out of the way. “So how do you think we can be certain? We can question her again, but if I ask the same questions, we will get the same answers,” he said as he helped Rayne to her feet.

“Clair will be looking into her, I assume, after that conversation.” Rayne winced. “I haven’t seen much of her since then.”

Liam squeezed her shoulder, then “She is.”

“Good. I hope Clair will be fair, but she has had a very understandable vendetta against Gen since we met, and I’m not sure she would care if there was any evidence against this.” Rayne sighed. “You know my relationship, or lack of, with Gen. I wouldn’t be suggesting it if I didn’t think we were accusing the wrong person.”

“Alright.” Liam lifted Leo from his blanket and held him against his shoulder as Rayne did the same for Evie. “We can talk about it when we get home. Come up with a plan.”

He nodded in agreement, and they started back to the car.

Unenthused by his task, Liam strode down flights of stairs to the opposite wing of the palace. He had been here a few times during the social season and afterward to see Rayne, but not since she had moved to the royal wing. Most of year these rooms were nearly all empty, which was useful, because it drew less attention to the one with a permanent guard stationed outside.

“Your Majesty.” The two uniformed guards spoke in unison and bowed to him. He nodded to acknowledge them, then knocked twice and opened the door to a modest, light room.

“Nice of you to grace my presence, Liam,” came a voice from the corner. The angle of the windows placed her in shadow, but as he focused, he saw his ex-wife seated as a small desk, writing what looked like a letter.

“Madeleine.” Liam nodded. “I need to ask you a few questions.”

Madeleine stood, placed the lid back on her pen, and laced her fingers together in front of her. The cunning smile she had had since he had known her was fast in place.

“Why would I answer them?”

“Because I am still your king, and because they may lessen your sentence.” Liam waited as Madeleine pursed her lips and lifted her chin, and he watched her consider the answer.

“How is my estate?” she countered.

“You aren’t in a position to be questioning me. But…” A plan formed in his mind and he gave a half smile. “Quid pro quo. I will tell you of your affairs, and you will answer my questions. One for one.”

“Deal. You first.” She didn’t move a muscle as she watched him, a practised stoicism that he had always associated with hiding something.

“Fydelia is being overseen by your mother and major-domo while the trial is running.”

Madeleine scowled, then exhaled. “I see. And your question?”

“How did you first contact Genevieve?”

“Ah.” She glanced at the desk beside her, then to him again. “I spoke to her assistant, two weeks before her arrival.”

Keeping his face impassive, Liam stepped further into the room. “You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“And how did you contact her while she was here?”

“My question, I believe.” She waited for his nod, then continued. “Who is running my conference next week?”

“I am.” Liam wanted to add that the conference seemed an unnecessary formality, but he hadn’t come here for that discussion. “And my question?”

“I see.” She shrugged. “I’ve had no contact with her. She was given a brief in the initial contact and acted independently since then.”

“You’re certain?”

“Absolutely. I’m surprised she decided on drugging you. Much too melodramatic, but I suppose subtlety isn’t an American trait. Poisoning a monarch is such a cliché.” Madeleine’s eyes were near the ceiling, but she was far from focused on that. She was waiting for him to bite back, as he had before.

“Did you have another question?” He asked instead, regaining her attention.

“What do the press know about the trial?” she said immediately.

“Only that you’re in it, and that they’ll get statements and minutes once it’s over. I have one more question.”

“Make it a good one, then.” Madeleine smirked, crossing her arms expectantly and raising an eyebrow. It didn’t quite mask her discomfort.

“Why did you use Rayne’s mother?”

When she didn’t respond immediately, the credence there was more involved unfolded in Liam’s mind. Madeleine took a long, deep breath, giving her time to calculate.

“A recognisable figure even in this country. Her association with her daughter discredits Rayne’s ‘family’ image.” She turned back and Liam’s jaw tightened. That reasoning he could believe. Facing him again, she fiddled with the pen now in her hand.

“You underestimate her again, Madeleine.” Liam turned back to the door and reached for the handle.

“I believe you owe me one more question.”

Gripping the doorknob, Liam shook his head. “Later, perhaps,” he said to the door as he opened it. Pausing in the doorway, he glanced back at her impassive expression, but nothing compelled him to be grateful, so he left.

Three hard knocks on the heavy wooden door woke him effectively. Grumbling at the wake-up call, Drake rubbed his eyes, pulled on some jeans, and stumbled to the door. He ripped it open.

“What?” He all but shouted in their face, blinking in the lighter hallway to refocus, and finding Leo’s smirk too unphased for his liking. A snort behind him brought Olivia into focus, rolling her eyes and standing behind Leo.

“You need to come with me,” Leo stated. As soon as he spoke, he turned and started down the hall. Drake didn’t move.

“I’m busy, and why the hell would I go with you?”

Leo glanced at Olivia, then looked uneasily at him. “It’s important. I’ll explain when we get there.”

“You’ll fucking explain now, Rhys, or you can piss off without me.” Drake scowled, ignoring Olivia’s judgement, then rubbed his face again.

“Look…” Leo paused, then faced him again, shifting his weight uneasily. “It’s about the trial. We need to speak to Liam and Rayne; we need to do that asap.”

Olivia followed Leo, leaving Drake to absorb both the words and the urgency, then exhaled loudly. Grabbing the closest shirt from the ground, he shut his door and started groggily after them, pulling on his t-shirt as he went.

As they walked through the palace, Drake became more aware of the details of his surroundings. Still fine with following Leo, he noticed how unkempt the man’s outfit was, and laughed when he realised why.

“You finally slept with her, huh?”

Leo turned his head to wink at them. “Told you it wouldn’t take long.”

“Rayne’s gonna kill you, Leo.” Olivia shared a knowing look with Drake, then looked forward again, “That will be interesting to watch.”

“I doubt it.” Leo shook his head as they reached Rayne’s apartments. He knocked and turned back to them. “Well, she might try, but that depends on where she’s placing her trust right now.”

“What?”

Leo managed half a rueful smile before the door opened and Liam appeared.

“Morning, little brother.”

“Uh… good morning…” Liam replied, looking past his brother to Drake and Olivia. Drake shrugged. “What are the three of you here so early for?”

“I have no fucking idea why.” Drake nodded to Leo, scowling. “Bastard woke me up.”

“Pull it together, Walker.” Olivia rammed his side with an elbow. He swore. “Stop acting like a child.”

Confused, Liam turned back to Leo, who continued. “We need to talk. Can we come inside?”

After a moment’s hesitation, Liam nodded, and stepped back to let them in. Drake looked around as they entered to see if the others were there but found it empty.

“Rayne will be out in a moment. Do we need her as well?”

Leo sighed. “Yes.” He raked both hands through his hair and stopped in the middle of the room. Liam nodded, and disappeared up the hall to their room. The three of them stood awkwardly in the quiet, sunlit room as they waited for the others, finding armchair arms to perch on. A few minutes later, Liam returned with Rayne, who was drying her hair with a towel.

“What’s going on?” she asked, glancing between each of them. “Is something wrong?”

“It’s about the trial, apparently.” Olivia spoke in a bored tone, but Drake heard the curiosity run beneath.

“I should call Clair,” Rayne looked around for her phone, “she’ll want to hear it, then.”

“No, don’t.” Leo bit his lip as he looked at her and Drake rolled his eyes. “She’s probably still sleeping.”

Rayne stared at him, and Drake shared a glance with Olivia as they waited for the drama.

“Leo…” Rayne started, then shook her head, “she’s in your room, isn’t she?”

“Sure is.” Leo grinned, “and her stamina isn’t what I had hoped, so she’ll be there a while, but that’s beside the point.”

“You know there is a point where detail becomes too much information, right Leo?” Drake stretched and raised an eyebrow at the man, who shrugged.

“It’s never stopped him before,” said Liam, “but setting that aside, why are you here?”

They were interrupted by a gurgled laugh from the corner of the room. Drake hadn’t even noticed the set up for each of the twins there, with hanging toys above them that they grabbed at with lopsided smiles. He looked back in time to see the warm smiles on their parents’ faces before the two focused on the conversation again.

“We need to check the security footage again,” said Leo, bringing the mood back to business.

“Of the study?” asked Rayne, “we’ve checked it a dozen times.”

“But we never got an exact identity from whoever drugged Liam…” Drake crossed his arms and frowned, sitting straight on the armrest. “Why would you check it another time?”

“He’s found something else to direct the search.” Olivia tilted her head as Leo nodded. “Nice going, Rhys.”

“I have a possible name,” he said, then turned to the others, settling on Rayne, who stood closest. “I really hope I’m wrong.”

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atopearth · 5 years ago

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Fate/stay night Réalta Nua Part 5 - Heaven’s Feel Route (1/2)

Day 1-10 Since Sakura barely appears in the other routes after a while, I kinda forgot how soothing of a person she is, and how sweet it is that both Shirou and her love to cook for each other. I like how Shirou prioritised taking Sakura home for her safety rather than caring about the possibility of him and Shinji fighting (since Shinji doesn’t like Sakura going to Shirou’s place to cook). Honestly, with how beautiful and kind Sakura is, it’s really saddening how she feels like the only time she can truly be herself and have fun is when she goes to Shirou’s place to cook and spend time with him and Taiga. They’re such simple everyday things, but somehow it’s so difficult for her to truly have something so simple in her life. That bruise on Shirou…was it from one of the bugs at Sakura’s place or something? Although it seems implied in the UBW route (and explicitly shown in the UBW anime), I guess both Sakura and Rin were inspired by the Shirou four years ago that kept challenging a high jump bar for three hours persevering and never giving up for such a long time. Even though in the end, he wasn’t able to succeed, I think seeing him continue to try so hard really affected them and their mindset. In a sense, both Shirou and Sakura were feeling crap at that time, Sakura was probably plagued with the Matou family circumstances as usual with no outbreak at all (until she met Shirou properly and he taught her how to cook etc), and at that time Kiritsugu just passed away so Shirou was really down and just did reckless things as an outlet I guess. And yet now they’re both here supporting each other, it’s so cute. I loved how he brought a tea set and quietly had tea with her in the classroom until she felt better (since she seems really bothered about Shirou’s bruise).

I think a lot of the reason why Shirou is the way he is, is not only because of Kiritsugu saving him influencing him, but also the people he encountered in the fire ten years ago. It’s surprising, but it seems that in Shirou’s memories, a lot of the people he saw who died in the fire were people who sacrificed themselves for others. People who gave their lives to save children, people who would give their own limited water to another, only for them to die instead etc, and although there were people who walked past others “leaving” others to die, it didn’t really feel like something Shirou would blame them for, because he knew, he knew that in such a place surrounded by death, what you should blame aren’t the people who tried their best to survive but the existence of the fire itself, and that’s why I think Shirou is someone who aims to save everyone by not allowing such things to happen in front of him ever again, rather than the idea of saving people when terrible things happen. Well, I guess it’s kinda surprising that to an extent, Kotomine did understand Kiritsugu’s motivations etc fairly well, or maybe it took him 10 years to understand lol. Anyway, I guess it’s kinda interesting how even though Kiritsugu barely taught Shirou much about being a superhero saving everybody etc, Shirou still ended up going on this path towards an impossible dream just like him.

Hmm I guess Zouken is “alive” through the existence of the worms? Nice to see Shinji out of the picture (for now) but Zouken is definitely not going to just stop fighting~ Honestly disgusting to picture Rider “eating” an innocent woman’s spirit and mind etc, I wonder how many people they’ve done that to already… I loled when Shinji got reprimanded as useless by Zouken, but yeah he’s probably going to be even more annoying from now on even if he’s not a Master so zzzzz. On the other hand, Shirou panicking and consulting Rin on how he can protect Sakura from the war is so cute lol. Innocent Illya is always so cute but dangerous🥺🥺 I don’t blame Shirou for having a soft spot for her when she acts like that, and it’s not like she’s faking either, she’s genuine, but at the same time, she’s genuinely intending on killing Shirou. Omgg Taiga was so cute when she got traumatised at how scary Saber can be in a sword fight🤣 Everyone is so cuteeeeee lol. I love how Taiga misunderstood Shirou and Saber’s relationship (since she wants to sleep in the same room and will always obey Shirou lmao) and did a choke hold on him and threw him, but he was too heavy and she nearly hurt herself. It was so sweet how Shirou reprimanded her for doing something that could have hurt herself rather than being annoyed at her throwing him, he’s such a good boy. You definitely didn’t raise him wrong, Taiga!! LMAO at Taiga and Sakura talking about bras and sleeping with them on or not at night right in front of Shirou hahahaha. But yeah, it was really heartwarming how insistent Shirou was on telling Sakura to stay over because he was worried about her. He’s so nice😫 HAHAHA, Taiga totally deserved it when Sakura nearly killed her covering her mouth, she literally just told Shirou Sakura’s bra size!! It was hilarious but so embarrassing hahaha. Not gonna lie, Shirou was so cool when he carried Sakura back to the room. Sakura really is so reckless though. She fell asleep in the bath with a high fever and then fell down after she changed into her clothes, like seriously, take care of yourself better please Sakura!! You really can’t blame Shirou for being so worried about her tbh. And yes, I love it when the girl tugs on the guy’s shirt so that they’ll stay beside them until they fall asleep, it’s such an adorable thing to see all the timeee!

Oh man, seeing Assassin suffer such a gruesome death was terrible… I’m kind of surprised that Kuzuki lost considering how adept he is, but I guess…Sakura is a monster? Lol. Umm, that dream of Shirou having sex with Rin was way too vivid to be a dream imo, Sakura definitely did something to him! Does she eat men for magical energy or something?😟 Saber said he’s lacking magical energy, she’s definitely stealing it!!! Anyway, it was pretty cute how Sakura insisted on staying to take care of Shirou since he apparently has a fever. But at the same time, it felt ominous lol. Like, I don’t doubt Sakura’s intentions, but there’s definitely something dangerous about her that she’s probably aware of to an extent even if not fully. Lol at her getting mad every time Shirou mentions Rin though. Honestly though, Rin is the sweetest girl ever when she got all worried and concerned about Shirou not coming to school, she legit thought he died at Ryuudou Temple, it was so adorable to see how annoyed she was that he was so alive and well hahaha. Omgg, things were so peaceful without Shinji, I should have expected he’d come to get back Sakura yuckkk. Wow, he’s so disgusting, I can’t believe he just hit her straight away, and even insulted her and Shirou saying Shirou is just using her for sex, he’s straight up disgusting!! I wonder if Sakura’s fevers are caused by a lack of magical energy or something, I mean, her eyes changed back to being lifeless when she fell down due to the fever!! I never realised but (spoiler!) technically, both Sakura and Shirou were “adopted”! It’s kinda saddening when you think about that though, by getting adopted, Shirou was able to lead a normal life, whereas Sakura being adopted turned her whole life upside down… It’s nice to know that Shirou said he’d scold her if Sakura became a bad person (since she asked what he would do), but would he really? I feel like he’d comfort her and try to get her back on the “right” path more than he would shout at her haha.

I knew that Sakura found light and meaning to her life after taking care of Shirou after he got injured, but I didn’t think that Sakura was actually the one to persistently go to his place all the time to convince him that she should take care of him and cook for him etc. But I guess regardless of what her motivations were, she definitely didn’t expect that Shirou would give her the spare key to the house that Kiritsugu used to always use. Seeing her smile and so cherish that gift was quite touching, and at the same time I couldn’t help but admire how much Shirou trusted her that he could give something so important to her. I am legit so sad that the monstrous Assassin that appeared (and consumed the previous Assassin) also ended up killing and consuming Lancer😭😭 Honestly, I kinda find it frustrating that this is all happening. So, does that mean that if you take Sakura away from her home, they aren’t able to control her anymore or something? Or is it just Zouken causing trouble? HAHAHA, I loved Shirou’s impersonation of Rin at a yakiniku place being that she’ll devour her fill and say she went easy on him lmao, and I love how Rin said he was right🤣🤣🤣 Now that they’re cooperating (due to Caster still existing even though Shirou defeated her), I’m so glad to have the Shirou and Rin banter again! Like, Sakura is cute, but yeah. And lol at Rin realising too late that Shirou’s lunch was huge because Sakura made it hoping to eat it with him. I bet she waited for Shirou at the archery range thinking he’d go there since she suggested for him to go there🥺 Oh nooo, and she bumped into Shirou and Rin!! Omg, I love how Rin so easily cleared everything up and made Shirou realise that Sakura wanted to eat lunch with him! Rin even apologised about it, she’s legit so clear about it and so cool, I love her. I bet if Rin wasn’t there, it would have just turned into a situation where Sakura would be sad and Shirou would be clueless lol.

I loved how Shirou readied himself to go into the deadly Chinese restaurant that serves super hot spices from Hell (since Rin told him to go there after school), and he enters only to witness Kotomine eating mapo tofu (seemingly) furiously with his deadpan face lol! I knew Kotomine wouldn’t hesitate to reveal that he was a Master since Lancer is gone now and he wants info, but he really said it so nonchalantly lol. I loved how he actually ordered more than one serving of mapo tofu lmao, it was a great way to end their conversation hahaha. Do people really eat that just by itself?! On the other hand, it was obvious that Zouken used his blood sucking bugs or whatever they are to somehow live all this time (hundreds of years!), but it seems like there’s a limit and he’s reaching it since he can’t go out in broad daylight anymore. I was wondering when Shirou was going to remember his promise to meet with Illya at the park LOL. He totally deserved Illya getting mad at him, she waited for him in the cold!! Although Shirou saying he’ll do anything for her to forgive him leading to them going on a short little shopping trip seems to be the right choice (since there’s a CG of her enjoying the snow with Shirou), I really enjoyed how in the other option, Shirou takes Illya back to his house. I know it’s dangerous since she’s a Master, but it was just so innocent and sweet to see her enjoy something so simple like tea time with Shirou, exploring his house and even feeling sad that this is the place Kiritsugu was, so even if she wants to get mad at him, she can’t even show him anymore. It’s saddening, but it was rather bittersweet. Oh and I loved Saber arguing with Shirou about how dangerous it is letting Illya into the house, it was hilarious lmao.

Oh wow, so I guess Zouken devours humans with his bugs to kinda take their place/body? And his body is kinda literally bugs? I felt so sorry for the woman that literally got eaten… Hmm, so this magic of his only keeps his soul alive, so no matter how many bodies he takes over, he can only retain the form of Zouken himself, and due to that, his body is constantly rotting since it’s at it’s utter limit I guess. I find it so terrible that he now has to get a new body every few months now when he used to last fifty years in one, he’s really been killing so so many people! His soul is rotting is an interesting way to phrase how his existence really can’t be sustained in this world anymore… It seems like Archer recognises that “shadow” that swallows up everything and was forced to defeat it before or clean up after it…. It’s kinda disgusting that Zouken states that his simple wish for the holy grail to grant is for him to be able to live (without rotting) and yet he sacrifices every other person’s wishes to live for himself. I’m not surprised that Saber ended up getting consumed and possibly controlled by that dark thing that consumed Lancer too, but I’m honestly disappointed. Well… Rider appearing to save Shirou was rather random and unexpected even if Shinji wants Shirou to be alive so he can prove to everyone and Rin that he’s not inferior to him.. I knew Sakura would be “happy” that Saber is now gone, so she can have Shirou to herself, but I guess Shirou went against her expectations that he won’t get hurt anymore (since Saber is gone), and instead he’s going to go out even more now… I wonder if her intense hatred for whatever that is hurting Shirou is kinda causing her to go around at night as the “shadow”? Anyway, apparently Sakura is more of a pervert than Shirou lol! She legit just masturbated to him after seeing his stomach and his back when she tended to his wounds lol! And lol is Sakura like a yandere?! She’s literally thinking about hurting Shirou so much that he can’t go outside just so that he won’t be able to hurt himself anymore… Like, lady, I don’t know about hurting him to stop him from hurting himself…isn’t that a bit contradictory?? At least put him in a cage or something instead LOL.

Oh wow, I never realised that Taiga’s family is rich and has many housekeepers! That’s why Shirou was able to ask for one to help care for Sakura’s fever whilst he went to school. Like dang! LMAO at Tiger Dojo 28 when Illya tries to take over the Tiger Dojo with a tank and Taiga destroys it in one hit hahahah. Now that I think about it, when Rider said she protected Shirou because her Master said to not let him die, did she actually mean Sakura? Lol. Honestly, with the fact that Sakura being the legitimate successor of the Matou family and being the one who used a Command Spell to order Rider to listen to Shinji making him a pseudo Master, you really gotta wonder how Shinji can be so shameless and disgusting to take Sakura hostage and kick her and harm her all the time when really, he’s only a Master because of her. Hmm, Rider has eyes of petrification and she never used it until this route?! Anyway, Sakura always stops going crazy when she realises that she hurts Shirou so I think everyone should just do that from now on if they want Sakura to stop lol.

I’ve always been a bit unsure of what exactly is wrong with Sakura so it’s nice that Kotomine is explaining things lol. But hmm basically, Zouken placed a crest worm inside of Sakura to monitor her, but since this worm has lived inside her for 11 years, it’s practically become a part of her like a Magic Circuit and has since transformed into her Magic Crest. But when this crest activates, it violates all her nerves and absorbs her magical energy, and since it’s so entrenched within her, it can suck all her magical energy dry and eat her for nutrition if it continues to rampage once activated.. Oh, and the crest activates when Sakura refuses to fight the battles as a Master and tries to abandon it… That’s so cruel.. and I see…Zouken never intended on using her in the war until now because he saw her as the shadow (and thought he could win the war this time)! So in the end, it’s because Shirou cared about her too much in this route that led to this lol. Ooh and I guess that shadow appears because Sakura is already using most of her magical energy to sustain Rider, so that requires the worm to get the energy somewhere else somehow..

Kotomine was right when he told Shirou to leave so he could perform surgery on Sakura to save her (from the attack she used on herself so that she wouldn’t hurt Shirou). All this time, Sakura has been carrying heavy mental burdens being beside Shirou. It was only when she could do simple things like cook with him at his house that she could wish for something like a normal and happy life. Even if it was like a dream, it was a happy dream for her, and she would continue doing that forever if she could. But the truth was, just as being with Shirou brought her an endless amount of happiness, it also brought her pain because she couldn’t help but think that she doesn’t deserve him, especially when she compares herself against others like Saber and Rin. She’s not as strong as Saber and she’s not as fun or witty as Rin, so she feels that she can’t win against them in any area, but regardless, she loves Shirou and wants to be the one with him even if she’s not pure. But at the same time, the fact that she’s not pure (aka a virgin) like the others makes her hesitate, she feels bad that she’s not pure like Shirou, she feels like she can’t stand by him like the others can, she can’t raise her head with pride and fight with them for him, because she doesn’t believe she deserves him, and it’s saddening to think of how terrible of a life she’s had this whole time.

Shirou’s choice between continuing to be a superhero or discarding it to protect Sakura (since as long as she is alive, she will be forced to fight and kill others) is an agonising choice. What Archer said really hit the nail on the head though, all this time, Shirou had lived in order to save as many people as he can, if he chooses to protect Sakura, he’ll be giving up on this belief that makes up what the person “Shirou” is. He’ll be burdened with the fact that he abandoned his belief for one person and will be tormented by that fact for the rest of his life. Not only would his individual guilt destroy him, but the fact that he is abandoning Kiritsugu’s promise would kill him on the inside… But I guess at the same time, Shirou can’t forgive the fact that he was always beside Sakura and yet he knew nothing of the pain she experienced and mentally carried. He was so oblivious to her even though he vowed to be a superhero, he must be thinking about how foolish he was to even dream of being a superhero when all along, he couldn’t even protect one of the closest people to him. And also the fact that he ignored how probable it was that Sakura was involved in all this by believing in Zouken’s words that she wasn’t, just because it was convenient to believe so, since if he doesn’t know, then there’s no reason to fight against her or be wary of her. But now, he’s forced to face the fact that she is Zouken’s puppet and he has to choose what he prioritises most. I didn’t realise how much Illya’s simple gesture of patting Shirou’s head even when he pushed her away (due to the pain of his indecision and regret) could sway me. I legit cried because it was such a touching thing to do for Shirou right now. She knew he was in pain and she knew she couldn’t leave him, all because she wanted to protect him and be his ally since she loves him. It broke my heart to know Illya felt so much for Shirou, she’s such a sweet girl. Illya’s right, huh? If Shirou chooses to persist being a superhero despite sacrificing the people he loves most, he is choosing the same life Kiritsugu followed; one where he threw away all the people he loved to save people he didn’t even know. In the end, regardless of which choice Shirou makes, he will hurt himself. By sacrificing the person he loves now, there is no limit to his sacrifice in the future, because if he has already sacrificed one of the most important people to him now, he won’t allow himself to hesitate to sacrifice anything else that’s precious to him in the future, because that’s the path he’s chosen. And that’s just so terrible, because it really will end up just being that same lonely path Kiritsugu and Archer had walked, a life where you abandon everything and yourself for a dream that is the “right path”… I also find it so saddening that Rin is burdened as the supervisor of this land and it’s people, so she has to harden her heart and kill Sakura to protect them. The Holy Grail War between a Rin and Shirou who have both sacrificed Sakura must be a painful one.

I never realised how much I needed Shirou to choose to protect Sakura instead of persisting in being a superhero until I actually made the choice and went to the Tiger Dojo haha. Although he’s choosing to protect the person he loves, I don’t feel like he’ll be completely abandoning his ideals, because as he said to Sakura before, if she’s doing something bad, he will scold her, and I think in this case, he will with the best of his ability stop her from causing any more harm and he will risk his life to do it, whilst using his life to atone for it if Sakura kills anyone. Ooh, so if Shirou chooses to protect Sakura, Kotomine uses up his Magic Crest (he just used up all the magic that was built up through generations!) to treat Sakura and is able to remove most of the crest worm! I guess he’s really interested in seeing how much suffering Sakura’s existence will cause upon Shirou and Rin lol. Sakura’s loss of magical energy is slowly eroding her sanity?! So that’s where the shadow comes from, huh? She’ll eventually lose all sense of herself due to that loss from the crest worm huh.. You know, with the way things have gone, a lot of people may say it’s cliche, and that even the part where Sakura unleashes all her true feelings and thoughts to Shirou is within reason of what you would expect her to say and him to react to, but I couldn’t help but have my heart crushed by it all. And I think that’s because a lot of it stems from the fact that I’ve read through the other routes. If I didn’t read through the previous two routes, I don’t think Shirou’s dilemma between choosing Sakura and persisting as a superhero would hit me as hard, because if I didn’t see his perseverance and unwavering determination, I wouldn’t truly understand how hard of a decision it was for Shirou to choose Sakura (even if he intends on saving everyone else along with her) because he is carrying the risk that people could die by allowing her to live, and Shirou choosing that shows how much he cares for Sakura and how much he doesn’t want to lose her. For Sakura, this is the first time you ever really get to see her true raw emotions of everything she has felt this whole time, and seeing her cruel past contrasted with how everything was in the beginning, you can really see how the “boring” slice of life parts of her life in each route was really what kept her going this whole time, Shirou gave her hope even if he was oblivious, he gave her happiness in the simplest form she could imagine and hope for, and now seeing Shirou choosing to help keep her simple happiness over everything else really melts my heart because of how much she had suffered all this time by herself. When Shirou said he would be her superhero, it honestly felt bittersweet because it really feels like a very painful compromise of his dream, yet it was also beautiful because it also means that Shirou has finally found something he himself deems to be more important than anything, for once in his life, he’s chosen to be a “normal selfish” person.

It’s kinda cute how awkward they were the morning after they had sex lol. I think the funniest thing was the fact that Rider was there the whole time they were having breakfast hahaha, she didn’t say anything at all so I didn’t notice lol. It’s kinda saddening that Sakura is riddled with competing emotions of not wanting Shirou to be hurt, but also being happy that Shirou is getting hurt for her now since she’s suffered all this time and he was oblivious to her pain. Although she’s leaning more towards being happy that he’s getting hurt for her, I feel like she’s being influenced by the worm and the shadow etc and is being consumed by the darkness into feeling like that. But of course I’m sure it stems from a part of her that feels like that, I just feel like the shadow probably amplifies all those negative emotions. Although I should have expected to see Saber Alter considering what happened to Caster, it was still kinda saddening to see her appear like that. And lol, legit there’s going to a whole army of the Servants as an Alter version with how the mud is consuming them all… Saber Alter looks pretty cool, mainly her armour though, her face looks a bit too…dead? I always hate seeing Archer die😭 Especially when he sacrifices himself to protect Rin. It also seems like he has some sort of regret towards Illya too? Was he not able to save her in other times or something? Anyway, it’s interesting that Archer is able to kinda like “combine” with Shirou and grant him the battle experience etc he had? On the other hand, I really wonder how Shirou is going to react when he realises what the shadow actually is… I find it quite fascinating that they could transplant Archer’s arm to Shirou (since he lost his left arm to the shadow when he protected Illya), and that it doesn’t disappear because now the arm is being supported by Shirou’s magical energy now. Lmao at Illya and Rin arguing about Shirou being their Servant since for Illya, she didn’t kill him the whole time the war was on, and for Rin, Archer gave his arm to Shirou and saved his life so he should take Archer’s place now was pretty funny hahaha. It was hard to pick between the two, but seeing Illya so happy if you pick being “her Servant”, it’s kinda worth it haha.

I’ve never really been interested in Kirei, but it was nice to know that his father called him Kirei because he hoped for him to be beautiful, moralistic and I guess, a good person. And he lived up to those expectations, but never felt anything for doing what he did, so in the end, even though he did “beautiful” things that his father was proud of, he was never really the “beautiful person” he was supposed to be. It’s interesting that he forced himself to continue like that hoping he could understand this beauty through being a priest etc like his father, but I wonder, if Kirei didn’t feel so restrained by being the beautiful person he was supposed to be all his life and instead questioned it when he realised it, would he have turned out the same way? I know he says he finds beauty and interest in other people suffering and all the supposedly “bad” stuff, but I feel like questioning what’s good and bad is a part of life, and I feel like if he actually allowed himself to ponder it more instead of actually doing these “bad things” to see how it affected him, maybe he could have also understood himself better and understood his father’s beliefs better. Now, instead of questioning things, he’s just gone all out to do all the stuff that makes people suffer in order to satisfy himself for all the “happiness” he lacked when he was doing good stuff. I think in a sense, it’s kinda saddening that Kirei never really got the chance to explore himself properly because he was so obsessed about what was so great about doing good imo. I don’t blame Sakura for getting angry at Shirou. It’s like, if it was still before when he wanted to hide the war from Sakura I would understand, but she’s a crucial part to the war now, and it’s obvious that his arm isn’t really his anymore, it’s really disrespectful of him to lie to her that it’s just a bit of an injury, it’ll only make Sakura worry even more and think of herself as even more useless. His kindness will kill her someday honestly lol. I’m glad Shirou reflected on his actions quickly and apologised for prioritising “looking tough” for Sakura rather than her feelings.

Overall, for now, there’s nothing much to say about the fights since they’re really just the shadow eating up everyone lol. As for the emotions though, I’m really liking how Shirou has been dealing with the ups and downs of caring for Sakura and prioritising her. His decision was definitely the highlight of the ten days, but I also really enjoyed seeing how cute and innocent Illya was. Kinda wish she did get her own route haha. Otherwise, things are just building up for now as usual, so nothing much to comment! I’ll still say that although I see why Sakura is the way she is, I honestly still find her a rather lacklustre heroine where I don’t particularly feel anything for her? It’s like, for Saber, I got annoyed sometimes with how stubborn she was, but Shirou was also stubborn so fair enough, and I just really loved Rin because of how cool and great she was etc. But for Sakura, I honestly don’t dislike her or like her because I still feel like she’s more of a trope than a character to me? It feels like she’s there to push Shirou into doing what he needs to do to protect her, but on the other hand, there’s nothing really interesting about her? Maybe that’ll change in the second half though, so we shall see~ Honestly though, I just don’t want to see Rin or Illya die🥺

#fate stay night

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midtownsciences · 7 years ago

Text

I See You

(I didn’t steal the gif I made it myself which is why it’s crappy lmao)

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Summary: you would think fighting crime on a daily basis would give Peter Parker the ability to recognise when someone needs help. It turns out, that might be a skill employed by Spider-Man alone.

Warnings: depression, gets a bit sad, suicide attempt, one tiny swear

A/N: I listened to Almost Over by Aquilo while I wrote this, and while it’s a song about breaking up, I think it really fits <3 Also @thekillingquill basically gave me this idea so she’s going down as co-writer (I hope I didn’t ruin it)

Disclaimer: I know this is quite a sensitive issue and I hope I did it justice. Mental health is so important but it’s also unique to every individual, and depression can manifest itself differently in different people. I did research for this and also drew on my own experiences, but please remember that this is fiction <3

(Y/N)’s hair was tied back messily, strands falling out around her face and neck. A too-big, red hoodie hung from her shoulders. She stared down at her scuffed Converse as the other students trickled out of the classroom, avoiding Peter’s nervous gaze.

Peter hadn’t stood this close to (Y/N) in months. Ever since his Spider-Sense started acting up around her, he couldn’t bring himself to be near her. It would usually only go off when he sensed a threat, so he couldn’t understand why it went so crazy around her—(Y/N) wasn’t a threat to anyone. Any time he was around her, the base of his neck would tingle, all of his senses would be on high-alert, and it was draining for him. He was almost glad when she stopped showing up to the academic decathlon team meetings.

He did miss her. However, the (Y/N) that he missed was not the girl standing beside him. (Y/N) had been one of the smartest kids in school; she was on the fast track to the Ivy League college of her choice. And on top of that, she was hilarious. Before scholastic competitions, she would prank all of her teammates. Harmless pranks, like random silly-string attacks and serving mayonnaise-filled donuts for lunch. And she would calm them down on stage by whispering jokes and innuendos in their ears. She was their relief when they felt the pressure of the competition bearing down on them.

That was before she stopped attending the meetings. Before she stopped caring altogether.

He played with the strap of his backpack as they stood at the teacher’s desk, waiting for the door to close behind the last student to leave the room. Scratching the back of his neck did nothing to relieve the tingling sensation he felt there.

“(Y/N),” the teacher began, “I know we’ve spoken about this before, and I trusted that you would take care of it, but I haven’t seen any improvement in your grades since the last time we spoke.”

Peter masked his shock as he glanced at (Y/N) cautiously, expecting her cheeks to be tinged pink and her shame to be written all over her face. She merely looked bored. She licked her lip, staring down at the desk. If the teacher was waiting for a reply from her, she would be waiting a long time.

Peter felt the second-hand embarrassment flood through him, flushing his cheeks a bright red. He fiddled with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, waiting for one of the women to break the heavy silence.

The teacher sighed in concession. “I don’t know what you have going on after school that’s taking up so much of your time, but your grades are suffering for it. Which is why I think Peter should help you study.”

(Y/N) scoffed, and Peter could see the muscles in her jaw working as she ground her teeth together. She rolled her eyes and shrugged. “Fine. Sure.”

The teacher blinked slowly at her, inhaling deeply to keep from losing her temper. Plastering a false smile on her face, she turned to Peter. “Peter? Would you mind helping (Y/N) with the next few homework assignments? It’ll count as extra credit.”

He looked, wide-eyed, between his classmate and the teacher. He had to prioritise his duties as Spider-Man—he didn’t have time to tutor someone who was clearly smarter than him. She just wasn’t trying. Then again, the teacher must have known this, too. Was she embarrassing (Y/N) in front of him in the hopes it would inspire her to work harder?

“Um, sure. Yeah, no problem,” he stuttered eventually.

“Great,” the teacher said, beaming at him. Her expression soured as it turned towards the girl. “I expect an improvement, (Y/N). You are the last person I expected to be failing this class.”

(Y/N) managed to refrain from rolling her eyes as she left the classroom, Peter close at her heels. She stalked down the corridor, her strides long so Peter almost had to jog to keep up with her.

“Hey, so do you wanna study today?” he asked as she stopped at her locker.

“No.”

Peter frowned and scratched the back of his head. “Okay, tomorrow?”

“No.”

“Um… what about—”

“No, Peter,” (Y/N) said firmly as she shoved the books from her locker into her backpack.

“Well, when?” Peter asked slowly.

She released a slow breath, eyes shut and jaw clenched, as if talking to him was an immense effort. “Never.”

Peter’s brow furrowed, his fingers working at the sleeves of his hoodie. “But, Miss s—��

“I know what she said, Peter,” she sighed. “Look, tell her you helped me. Tell her we spent all day at the library and you taught me an entire text book and get your extra credit. But I don’t need help with chemistry.”

“But… she said you’re failing,” he said quietly.

“So?”

Peter’s mouth dropped open and his lips worked as he tried to find a response. “I thought you would… you would want to… not do that. Fail.”

(Y/N) shook her head. “I don’t care, Peter. I really don’t.”

“So, you don’t want my help?”

“Nope,” she replied, tearing the posters and photographs from the door of her locker and stuffing them into her bag.

He nodded, hands gripping the straps of his backpack tightly as he stared into the empty locker, searching the abyss for any idea of what to say next. “Will, um… will I see you at the decathlon team meeting?”

“I quit, remember?” she answered, and slammed the locker shut. It was an action with such finality that Peter didn’t even try to stop her as she stormed out of the school, into the bright afternoon.

It had been a slow day. Spider-Man hadn’t so much as rescued a kitten from a tree. He supposed it was a good thing: a boring day for him meant a safe day for everyone else. Still, he couldn’t help but be disappointed that he had nothing to report back to Happy.

To cheer himself up, he perched himself on a balcony overlooking the 59th Street Bridge—one of his favourite places in the city—to finally eat the sandwich he bought at the deli. He enjoyed watching the cars trickle over the bridge as the water glistened underneath it. It was especially beautiful in the evening, when the sun was just beginning to set behind the skyscrapers across the river, the sky a watercolour painting of soft oranges bleeding into pastel yellows.

He was one bite into his sandwich when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand to attention. The instinct was so strong he had already tossed his sandwich away and jumped so that he was crouching on the barrier before he was aware of what he was doing. He scanned the horizon, and his gaze landed on a swath of red. It appeared to be a person on the bridge, but they were far too close to the edge. It looked as though they were on the wrong side of the barrier—

Peter launched himself from the balcony and shot a web to a neighbouring building. He swung with his whole body, kicking his legs out and pulling on the webs to propel himself from one building to the next until he reached the bridge, where he could see the red figure still standing on the ledge. They were leaning out over the water. Peter didn’t have time to think. He shot a web towards the bridge midway between himself and the jumper, and then he threw himself off the edge, just as a flash of red launched itself into the air.

He swung towards them at an alarming rate. The collision almost knocked the air from his lungs as he wrapped his arm around the jumper and ordered them to hang on—he needed both web shooters to get them back to safety, or they would be swinging like a pendulum all night.

The person wrapped their arms around his neck, and with both hands free, he could swing back to the shore. They landed with a slight jolt, and Peter was finally able to get a good look at the jumper. His heart sank.

(Y/N) stood in front of him, the wind whipping her hair into her tear-stained face. She stared out at the water and wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her red hoodie. “You weren’t supposed to do that,” she said quietly.

Peter stared at her, grateful his dumbstruck expression was hidden behind his mask. “I-I… what?”

“You should’ve let me fall,” she muttered.

“But you- you would’ve died!”

She looked up at him tiredly. “That’s the point.”

Peter took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He was not equipped for this. “Why would you want that?” he asked softly.

(Y/N) stared out at the water again. Her lower lip trembled, and tears glistened in her eyes, but they didn’t fall. “I can’t do it anymore.”

“Do what?”

“This. Everything. All of it.”

Peter stayed silent, partially because he didn’t think she was finished, but mostly because he really didn’t know what to say. He watched her pull the sleeves of her hoodie down over her shaking hands, and scrunch the fabric in her fists as she struggled for words.

“I’m tired,” she continued eventually. Her voice was barely a whisper as she tried to hold back the tears. “I’m so, so tired. It’s like everything is just… dark. And I’ve been waiting for the light”—she sniffed—“but it’s not coming.”

“Why is it dark?” he asked carefully.

“Does there have to be a reason?”

Peter bit his lip behind the mask. How could he have missed it? All the signs were there: (Y/N)’s change in attitude, quitting her extra-curricular activities, failing classes. All these months, he was so busy being Spider-Man, he hadn’t even noticed that she needed help. What kind of friend was he?

“We should sit down,” he said, gesturing towards a park bench which overlooked the river. The wooden bench was cold, and he could feel it even through the suit. He shivered as he turned towards her. “Talk me through it.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Don’t do that,” he said. “Don’t pretend this is nothing. You just tried to take your own life, don’t act like this isn’t important.”

She met his gaze, and for an instant, Peter forgot he was wearing the mask. (Y/N) didn’t need Spider-Man; she needed a friend. She needed Peter. So he listened to her, like he should’ve been listening to her all along.

“It’s just… it’s not easy to explain,” she told him. “I should be fine, right? I have a family that loves me, that I love. And I had friends, did well in school… I had a life that any other person would’ve been content with. I should be fine. But I’m not.”

“How do you feel?”

The last glimpse of the sun cast a soft orange glow over her face as she looked up to the sky, her lips curved into a deeply set frown. She looked so small, with her knees tucked up to her chest, her hoodie falling off one shoulder. He could almost see her mind working, finding the words to express what she had been feeling for months but had never said aloud. Her brow creased, and a tear finally slipped down her cheek as she bit her lip. “Like I’m sinking,” she said unevenly. “Like I can’t even see the surface anymore. Like I’m drowning, and no one knows. No one’s even noticed that I’m gone.”

Peter inhaled sharply. His heart clenched, curling itself up into a tight ball, either in sympathy with her words, or to protect itself from them. He made a conscious effort to keep his voice even, and impartial, even though he wanted desperately to pull her into his arms and apologise for not seeing it before. “What do you mean, ‘no one knows’?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered, again wiping her face with her sleeve. “It’s like I’m slipping away, and everyone in my life is too busy with their own shit. They don’t see me.”

“I saw you,” he said quietly. “I see you.”

She looked up at him, eyes filled with tears preparing to take the leap. “You don’t even know me.”

“Maybe not, but I see you. I care.” Peter paused, thinking. “Maybe you should make a list,” he offered. “A list of things to live for.”

“I tried.”

“Maybe you missed something,” he replied. “Let’s see, you’ve got family, so that’s one. Friends, that’s two. Hmm, the new Star Wars film is coming out soon. You can’t miss it. So that’s three.”

(Y/N) giggled, rolling her eyes.

“That laugh,” Peter said, grinning (even though she couldn’t see it) as he pointed at her. “That’s four.”

“A laugh is not a reason to live.”

“Yes, it is. The world needs that laugh. I bet you make other people laugh, too,” he said, thinking of all the times (Y/N) would have the entire decathlon team gasping for breath, keeled over laughing in their hotel room at competitions. (Once Mr Harrington stormed into their room to reprimand them for being too loud, and (Y/N) offered him a mayonnaise filled donut.) (She got detention.)

She didn’t answer, just stared down at her hands as they fiddled with her sleeves. At least she wasn’t crying anymore.

“Look,” Peter said softly, “I don’t know much about this stuff. Honestly, I’m just a kid. I guess we have that in common. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I don’t think the solution to your problems lies at the bottom of that river. I know you’re hurting, but you don’t know how you’ll feel tomorrow, or the next day. Maybe next week, you’re gonna be laughing with a bunch of your friends, planning on going to see Star Wars. Maybe in five years, you’ll be in your dream college, working towards getting your dream job. Who knows where you’ll be in ten years? The thing about it is, you can change your life right now, and take steps towards feeling happier. Or, you can end it. But once you end it, there’s no going back.”

(Y/N) didn’t speak. She looked out across the river, and although she didn’t smile, she didn’t frown either. Perhaps it was Peter’s wishful thinking, but there might have been a light in her eyes that wasn’t there before.

Peter looked for (Y/N) the next day in school, worry bubbling in his stomach with each hour that he didn’t find her. He was just considering ditching school to check on her when she appeared beside his locker.

“Ready for chemistry?” she asked uncertainly.

Peter broke into a grin, which seemed to baffle her, but she smiled nonetheless. “Yeah. Yeah. We can- we can go… together? Like walk there together. If you want.”

She licked her lip, trying (and failing) to hide the smile sneaking its way across her features. “Sure. Let’s do that.”

They walked in silence through the crowd, Peter nervously running his hand through his hair. He racked his brain for a way to phrase the one question that mattered—are you going to be okay? He was thinking so hard, in fact, that he almost missed her speaking to him.

“About yesterday,” she began, “I’m really sorry. I’ve just- I’ve just been having a rough time, and chemistry was kinda the last thing on my mind.”

“That’s okay,” he rushed to tell her. “It’s totally fine. I- actually, I was um… I was worried. About you. I was trying to find you earlier, because I- I just got the feeling yesterday that you might… I don’t know. I was gonna ask if you’re okay.”

She looked at him with wide eyes, as if she was surprised by his question. As if he was the first person in months to ask her how she was doing. The thought that he might be made his heart deflate. “I’m… okay,” she answered slowly. “I- yeah. I’m okay. Actually, I wanted to ask you for a favour.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Mmhmm. Would it be okay if I borrowed your chemistry notes? I’ve been totally spacing out in class for like, six months, and I need to catch up. I’d really appreciate it—”

“You know, we could study together,” he offered.

“You don’t have to do that. I mean, you can tell the teacher that we are, and get the extra credit—”

“It’s not about the extra credit,” he blurted. He made sure to look her directly in the eyes when he continued, despite how his cheeks burned in protest. “I’ve missed hanging out with you, (Y/N). After you quit the decathlon team, and debate club, I hardly ever see you. And I um… I miss you.”

“You’re just saying that because you feel sorry for me,” she said quietly.

The words almost stopped Peter in his tracks. She couldn’t know. Could she? “Why would I feel sorry for you?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Because I’m failing chemistry,” she laughed.

His mouth dropped open, eyebrows shot up. “Ohhh,” he said. “No. I don’t feel sorry for you. Are you kidding? You’re my only competition in chemistry class. And beating you is no fun when you aren’t even trying.”

“Peter Parker,” she gasped. “Is that fight talk?”

“I’m just saying, even with my help, you’ll be coming in second place.”

“Oh, we will see about that, Parker,” she chuckled as they walked into the classroom. “Five bucks says I’ll have first place by the end of this year.”

“You are so on.”

It started small.

Later that day, Peter saw (Y/N) leave the guidance counsellor’s office, a pamphlet clutched tightly in her hand. The first life preserver for her to cling to—hope that things would change. The second came in the form of commitments. She joined the academic decathlon team, and eventually the debate club, once again.

Peter didn’t know it, but he provided her with the most valuable support of all—friendship. When she had reached the end of her rope on that bridge, Spider-Man gave her a reason to hold on. But Peter Parker gave her the strength to pull herself back up.

They met weekly to study, help each other with homework, and have the occasional debate about trivial things, like whether the Lord of the Rings books were superior to the films. (“Who has time to read all those books?” “There are three books, Peter. You don’t have time to read three books?”)

Eventually, weekly study sessions became biweekly, and then almost daily. (Y/N) grew to trust Peter. It was at one of their sessions, months later, that she told him about her depression.

She was sitting on the floor, leaning against Peter’s bed, when he casually asked her why she had quit the decathlon team all those months ago. He hadn’t expected her to tell the truth, much less burst into tears in front of him. He rushed to her side, pulling her into his chest and she sobbed the story into his neck as he stroked her hair, his other arm wrapped firmly around her shoulders. Her fist closed tightly over the collar of his shirt when she came to tell him about the bridge.

“He saved me, you know?” she whimpered, retreating from his embrace to wipe at her tears with her sleeve. “He saved me, and I didn’t want it to be for nothing.”

“It definitely wasn’t for nothing,” Peter whispered as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Peter spent so much time with (Y/N) that he stopped noticing his Spider-Sense acting up around her. After a few months, he caught himself admiring her as she worked on her calculus homework, and he realised he hadn’t felt that tingling sensation in the back of his neck in weeks. However, it was soon replaced by butterflies in his stomach and a skip of his heart any time she returned his gaze. He knew the weeks he had spent becoming comfortable around her were wasted the day he found himself staring at her lips and wondering what they would feel like against his.

“Peter?”

“Huh?” he asked, flinching as she jolted him from his daydream.

“Are you alright?” she asked carefully. “You were um… you were staring into space.”

He had been staring at her and they both knew it.

Peter became (or rather, regressed to) a stuttering mess after that day, but he was sure (Y/N) had no idea why. (She knew exactly why.)

(Y/N) always noticed when he was staring at her. She enjoyed it, even. And she gazed at him, too, though she was wise enough to do it when he wasn’t looking.

She was grateful to have a friend like Peter. She could share everything with him, and she never feared how he would react. Mostly, however, she felt like he could see her, and just knowing that was enough to make her feel like she mattered.

(Y/N)’s depression was not cured the day she met Spider-Man. It took months of therapy and determination on her part to feel even remotely close to the person she used to be. She would still have days when she felt the tide coming in to sweep her away again, but she knew she wasn’t alone. She had her choice of friends and family that she trusted, and she could tell them anything and everything.

She also developed a habit of listing all the things she had to live for. They ranged from simple things, like watching a film or eating a leftover slice of pizza from the fridge, to things she considered to be monumental, like graduating college and having an apartment of her own. Two items featured on every one of her lists: the possibility of meeting Spider-Man once again, to thank him for saving her life; and the feeling of satisfaction she would have when she stole the top spot in chemistry class from Peter Parker.

tags: @jvghead-jones-iii

#peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #spider-man x reader #spider-man imagine #spider-man: homecoming #spider-man fanfiction #peter parker fanfiction #peter x reader #peter parker #spider-man #i'm absolutely terrified to post this #so i'm queueing it #so i don't have to be around when it posts #hahaha i'm so scared #enjoy tracking this queue

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elizabethrobertajones · 8 years ago

Text

12x21 watching notes

not proof read

expectations: I was in fandom for 10x21

Here is the lowest bar ever

*buckleming crawl under the bar*

I took a few hours and I'm sure I have nothing to say that hasn't already been yelled about in great length by others, and I mostly just don't care about anything they ever do ever again but let's watch this for the plot because I'm a completionist, and this is going to affect 12x22 and 12x23 whether I want it to or not >.>

Oh the first scene is the promo one, which we already discussed a bit with all the parallels and such. The entire room and set and everything is yelling a ton of parallels and references, which I have already got a post on on my blog. Okay.

The stuff we didn't get was Jody calling to tell Sam about Eileen.

*pictured: the blogger taking about as big a step back to think about this as Sam just did to prioritise freaking out over Mary over grieving for Eileen*

(this is a thing - Sam compartmentalises so much, and he has done all season, and Dean's called him out on it, but it's practical when hunters are dying, and mom's in trouble, that you don't ditch everything, you help out hunters who are in trouble (12x20 - what if Tasha had been got by the BMoL? It only doesn't fit the pattern once they know what happened to her)... Sam says they know of another hunter who disappeared recently, anyhow. He links Mary to being the 3rd in trouble in the same way, and they KNOW the BMoL are with her and being sketchy. So. There's that.)

Anyway, Jody serves 2 purposes - we have the horror of Claire being on the BMoL's list so her call could have been about her, but we also know Jody has the APB out on Cas - Jody is becoming the nerve centre of the hunters because she's the one with all the links when it comes to looking out for them, it seems. Raising girls who have a foot in the life, and keeping an eye out on the official record for other hunters who might be in trouble, as well as occasionally bringing them cases in the same way.

So that call could have been to tell them Cas had been found dead in a ditch like Dean feared, or Claire had been found dead in a ditch like WE fear, but instead it's Eileen for Sam. It's a sort of last horrible hurrah for using Cas and Eileen parallels - that both are connected to Jody like this. And Sam gets his horrible news while Dean had been waiting for it about Cas.

Sam shuts down and goes all business like, putting a potentially still living hunter (and also their mom but HONESTLY his compartmentalising is that good I wonder if mentioning this was only to get Dean emotionally hooked) ahead of dealing with what happened to Eileen.

At this point I feel like Terrible Coffee AU has become his djinn dream where he gets to just fuck off from all his responsibilities and scream in the woods for as long as he likes and actually feel everything he's bottled up.

Also I am going to go write in a scene where Sam gets to go scream in the woods.

Also if you've been reading it, feel free to assume that between scenes where we've seen Sam, he has been off screaming in the woods. Or that it's canon Sam's djinn dream and starts some point immediately after this.

Hi yes I am now a bitter Sam girl, who knew.

So Mittens has helpfully explained the bad car continuity to me while I was blinking at Sam saying "2 hunter deaths" in the motel and "7" in the morgue. Possibly in all that driving time they reached out to others and found out more, but it really doesn't sound like it, it just sounds like he's repeating the exposition but with a higher number.

If they did spend like 50 hours in the car as she worked out, then I guess he would have had time to make a lot of calls.

*gif of the guy with the duct tape on the really big crack*

Things I like: Jared's acting of Sam at the morgue, anyway.

Thinks I hate: he's acting like that because Eileen is dead and it's the worst thing to happen to Sam in ages and he can't do anything about it, emotions-wise. And there are bigger problems than giving Eileen a hunters' funeral and getting shitfaced for a week.

But where *did*they get 7 monster related deaths? Last scene it was all 2 isn't a pattern and that seemed to be the point of the conversaion but now the point of the conversation is omg there's been seven.

I'd ask who proof reads this but the answer is clearly either no one, or Bob Singer.

ANYWAY I went out to get snacks for a party tomorrow, nearly passed out on the way home, and also in a separate incident got stung by a bunch of nettles and it was still more fun than watching this :P

Mary is one of the ones going around killing hunters, though they kept her away from Eileen. She's also being kept in a room one part Heaven parallel one part panic room parallel, being a sort of Sam in 4x21 and Cas in 8x17 mash up. She's being brainwashed to go kill hunters and Toni comes to mock her for not being able to tell reality from fiction.

Buckleming like little digs at fans so I'm just gonna ignore that because I am ignoring them.

It is also thematic for the problems they've all been having of dealing with their expectations about this that and the other, or in copious denial and so on. It's ALWAYS a relevant theme to this show but this year we don't have a strong meta character or plot, it's just in the characterisation.

We get a giant chunk of exposition that explains eeeverything. I was joking last night about the pie subtext being explained in the text and taking all the fun out of it... Obviously that was a lie and I've been really enjoying it (and also it's not strictly out of the subtext, it was just being heavily utilised to tell the story instead of passing jokes, which made it even more fun than normal) but this really does take the joy out of meta-ing it except that I guess it's the show telling us we were right to pick up on everything going on with Mary under the surface

So Toni takes a thin connection to start talking about all the Mary stuff, covering:

- the "illusion" she has about her perfect life as it stood before she died - well the concept of "perfect" in general which is something being challenged everywhere in the fact vs fiction stuff - her willful denial it was normal despite that fact she was a hunter and still hunting so it wasn't even like she was living totally normally - the fact it wasn't all based on her deal with Azazel, and that that was going to come for her at some point - despite reading his journal a zillion times, just like last week Mary didn't realise Ketch was a psychopath until massive lines were crossed, her willful denial that John went off the rails after her death - that Sam and Dean didn't TELL her this stuff - literally just saying that John abused them - that Sam and Dean are damaged because of what he did (and that he did it because it was her fault for the deal)

*And all pretty much in these words*

Like. Wow. This is obviously, like the same bulletpoints on the secret pinboard we don't see in the writer's room explaining everything about what's going on with each character. Buckleming copied down the bulletpoints and then somehow thought that was just their notes for what Toni was going to say here :P I disapprove of exposition like this, but it has now brought all of this into the main text for Mary to deal with. Whether she agrees or not, she has to consider that what John did was abuse, and that Sam and Dean aren't telling her everything about it. She can't know for sure whether it was or not without their explanation but she'll have to ask them for it and weigh their answers against the possibility of abuse... I don't really know wtf they're doing with all this but it's forced too much character stuff on Mary at once to even deal with.

Toni goes on to say they're restoring her to being Mary Campbell, stripping away all her life after things got messy with cupids and kids and all... She's a born hunter, and to the BMoL they clearly see it in her blood (just like they see being a BMoL legacy in people's blood). Anyway nature vs nurture stuff, and they're going for raw nature as a killer (which Ketch firmly believes in about himself even if it's possible he was just programmed to be this way from such a young age he never got a chance to think he was anything else)... It fits into the wider discussion of the season which also relates to the nephilim.

And by stripping away her life, it's reducing her to a person without choice in what she is - "interesting choice. soon you won't be making any". It's blatantly just cramming in themes of the season, but I guess this is what Buckleming episodes are often for: laying out on paper everything that has been hidden more carefully and subtly in the juicy parts of the season :P This is the bare bones, look at what this story is about, explanation.

Oh I guess the cut on Mary's palm also parallels Sam's in 7x02 which was his link to reality. She's having her own reality issues but this reminds her that she's being made to kill hunters, not monsters. And hunters who seem to know her, even to be friendly when they find her in their house (that whole scene seemed weirdly out of character for a dude I'd never met to be chill about that but whatever, he kept his still-bloody machete in the umbrella rack, maybe he was just sloppy)

Crowley comes to cross over some storylines at the very last moment of the season, after basically living in a bubble for the entire season since 12x08. He greets Dr Hess by name, and I had some speculation he was somewhat connected to the way the Winchesters got the tip off to kill Ramsay in 12x15... Earlier they were talking about hellhounds and it cut to Crowley to suggest he was involved, so this seems to be confirming a connection, especially for the messing around with Hellhounds between the BMoL and Crowley.

Yep, he loaned out the hellhound to Ketch, anyway. >.>

This conversation finally confirms what I suspected since 12x01 - the BMoL have a deal with Crowley that crossroad deals go uninterrupted as long as there's no other demonic scheming in the country, just the humans idiotic enough to summon demons to sell their souls so it's all their own fault. This shows corruption in the BMoL that they let this happen anyway - a line drawn that they can't keep the demons out so they just pretend to go along with them like they had a choice in the matter. I suspect this deal with the BMoL is more symbolic than anything that they don't harrass a percentage of demons that they come about in the course of things, because there is no way to police humans choosing to do this without like, a Minority Report level awareness of what they're about to do. There's no saving people who made the deals, though the Winchesters have intervened several times on behalf of people they felt didn't deserve the punishment for the deal they made. The BMoL have opinions about that.

Crowley is also, predictably, challenged about his relationship to the Winchesters, which is a sort of as per usual thing - and he's saved them an awful lot lately. He pretends not to be conflicted about it to Dr Hess, but the close up on his poker face is still a dramatic close up after challenging him about something or other. There's been some speculation he might come to a decision about them but the Lucifer thing has been really throwing him off for me and any speculation I might speculate, by keeping him out of the way. His interactions with them in 12x12 and 12x15 showed his loyalties pretty clearly but that was a 2 times is a pattern that could be broken sort of thing and here he is finally being put to that test (his earlier interactions helping them find Lucifer, despite some mild self sacrifice gestures in 12x07, were really more about them solving a joint problem with some character stuff on the side... he begins being put to the test in the second half of the season)... It SEEMS pretty clear that his loyalties to being the big bad evil dude are fucked when it comes to the Winchesters despite himself, and he stands with Mary on the screen behind him, almost like a faction, or picked side, in this conversation, but that could just be because it was there on the wall to show they're monitoring Mary so closely they have her blood pressure and everything on display and Crowley's involvement is incidental.

Anyway I'm not sure which way he'd go, because everything suggests he'd pick protecting them but if it happens this episode, any amount of fuckery can intervene and if it happens later, I'm still not sure wtf the point of this Lucifer stuff is for him and what it means for where he's going

it's just... messy and weird and I don't get the point of it yet because it feels more like they need this thing happening on the side because they gave the Marks contracts to be in this season and this is how they've been killing time, because neither character has that much left to offer the Winchesters because Sam's arc with Lucifer ended in season 5 or 7, and Dean's with Crowley in 10 or 11. Sam might not LIKE finding out Lucifer is still alive but they haven't been connected since 11x10, and Dean might be pissed off at Crowley's choice but aside from lol we're exes jokes, nothing has happened between them all season, and even Cas working with Crowley wasn't an arc so much as just showing the current state of politics between them.

I type all this ignoring another scene in Crowley's lair, this time the Lucifer and his minion who is almost 10000% not going to survive because he's acting as a shifty demon, a black actor, and talking to Lucifer, in a Buckleming episode, and we cut our losses with caring about this stuff. >.> I'm done since the cold open.

Sam phones up Crowley, which is rare enough, but he has a reason to be pissed off at him, and that's because Sam already suspects that Crowley's at least half-responsible.

He's hated him since they met but if Crowley's gonna die, Sam should do it, and this is a good motivation, at least. If Cas gets to vaporise Lucifer with nephilim power (I hope although like anything this season I'm not putting money on it :P) then Sam deserves a big kill of his own >.>

Anyway Crowley just called Cas "the Winchesters' love slave"

The old refrain of using them plural to talk about Cas's investment in them, the suggestion there is something sexual about his devotion to them missing the point entirely about why he cares for them, but also hinting at a truth underneath that Crowley knows full well the situation with Dean n Cas, and tbh Lucifer has possessed Cas so he probably knows Cas's side too... A sort of awareness from both parties in the room that Cas is bananas for Dean but using it in a mocking way, and making it a general moral failing.

BMoL scene - no one has any nuanced characterisation that makes a great deal of sense in context, e.g. Toni trash talking Ketch in front of their superior, but we get some exposition that Hess thinks Ketch is cruel enough to take control of the BMoL one day and would do well as a test run as head of the American operation. Toni is also up for the job out of the blue because why not.

For some reason Dean goes to check their junk mail. They have a letter from Eileen! More expotion in the form of a letter. I hope she explains why she was still in America, but I've paused on Sam's face when Dean says Eileen because I like hurting myself, and look at poor broken little Sammy in there :<

Of course, making it aaaall about Sam and Eileen and making it clear he was the one more emotionally connected to her.

He's wearing a tan coat and blue shirt which makes me nervous casting him as a Cas mirror while dealing with this

Nice montage of Sam and Dean checking for bugs.

I am assuming they go to their trap, and Mary comes to kill this dude they made up, and Sam and Dean are like D:

oh wow gosh there's a design flaw in Crowley's control on Lucifer and it can be reversed so Lucifer can control Crowley who would have ever thought........

(I mean maybe not this exact scenario but that things were potentially going to flip between them at some point and Lucifer would be in charge...)

I hate that they used the "reverse the polarity" line because it didn't deserve that :P

I would wonder if there's some meta application to this theme though - especially with Mary AND Cas being controlled, Lucifer being controlled has been the least interesting or well-used part of this, barely even serving as a mirror to this, but it's not too late :P

Toni asking how Ketch knew the hellhound sat when she told it to and basically says better not to disagree with it even if you can't see what it's doing. Can't work out what level this commentary works at.

They ARE about to be duped by the Winchesters via a transmission they can only hear without seeing what they're doing. I wouldn't *mind* Ketch being mauled by the hellhound although I do think one of the Winchesters should kill him

Sam owes him 2, Mary would get a hell of a lot of satisfaction but I still suspect Dean will do it anyway for meta purposes, dark mirrors, etc.

oooh ketch and mary scene. Please be as interesting as these two characters generally are regardless of writer

Oh no her face when she sees Ketch. I don't think she can credit her memory of fighting him enough to know if it was real or not, and after spending so much time with him he's a familiar face >.> And he's soft on her, which is a whole other problem, but whatever happened with Ketch, I think Mary finds him weirdly comforting. But his idea of comfort is that he's happy for the transformation she's going through - mostly because she'll be like him and they can have lots of sex while killing things together

Then Mary uses the "world without monsters" line as the lie falls away and she realises how badly this has turned on her and her dream.

It's sort of the realisation I wanted her to have ~12x14 when I wrote my "a world without monsters" fic but oh well better late than never - she is going through the exact mental process I wrote which is always fun to watch on screen :P

And now Mary is feeling betrayed - "we worked together" and she mentions how she knew him. She uses that "closeness" even when he denies it to get near enough to grab his gun and *nearly* repeats how she nearly killed herself in 12x09 before Cas stabbed Billie and shocked her out of it. Ketch grabs the gun to protect her from herself, despite putting her through what makes her want to kill herself >.>

(This scene is brilliant by the way)

Mary now honourary member of Team Free Will - all she ever had when it came down to it was her free will... except she never even had that. What Toni mentioned about her deal was coersion from Heaven and Hell because she doesn't know about the cupids, that the only reason she had her family was because her free will was taken away. But actually FEELING its loss immediately hurts her spirit so badly. (And she didn't ask to be brought back and wouldn't have chosen it)

Anyway that was an incredible performance, and Ketch was okay too, showing his weird half-concern where he kind of likes her and wants her to be what he thinks will help her - to take away the pain not by killing her but by removing her will to feel upset by this.

Mary is left sobbing on her knees and I just love that she was allowed to messy cry and hiccup her lines like... that was brilliant. I love Mary okay.

Although Sam and Dean seem to be going to their trap already so I now doubt Mary will come

there's a flickering light by the warehouse which makes it look like ghosts are around.

Just them!

Dean gets kicked in the nuts, which is a reverse mirror of Mary kicking Ketch in the nuts - he the light mirror to the dark kicker, vice versa to Mary etc. Dean makes a quip about how they'll have to start dating if she keeps doing that, which in a Buckleming way solidifies this. I'm just, not gonna poke that.

Oh but it's a Crowley and Lucifer scene next.

God, watching the end of season 9 so recently really makes me hate this even more because remember when Crowley won everything?? After he lost Dean all the oomph went out of him - Dean shoving him in 10x02 and Crowley realising he's fucked and hastily manipulating himself to safety - when he makes that bargain with Sam, he loses his threat and cred to them and on a narrative level. There's nothing Crowley can do to the Winchesters now that's as bad as demon!Dean, and he's had no motivation to really get in their business and they don't fear him. It's not just a Buckleming problem although they've written most of Crowley this season it feels like (or these scenes are all individually 1000 years long) - they introduce Rowena immediately to give him another reason to be relevant and in scenes, but she quickly discovers he's whipped by the Winchesters, and he spends season 11 messing around being invested in main plot stuff just because he happens to live in the same world as them, not because he's out to get them or doing anything they urgently need to stop him doing. Even him harbouring Amara was only tangential to giving them a way to discover where she was - Crowley was nothing really to do with that particular confrontation. And then he got mired in the Lucifer stuff...

Now this season he has not only lost his edge but he's genuinely only being portrayed as protecting the Winchesters or being an idiot. And now Lucifer has managed to take control of him, but not even through his own cleverness, just getting a random demon to help, and being told he could do it.

There's really nothing of interest in these scenes because it's all.. blah.

I mean I wouldn't mind Crowley going soft so much because it's been interesting in other episodes (12x12, 12x15, and the season 11 episodes where it was interesting or even 10x14 or 10x17) but that's not really being explored as a character thing - now Buckleming are just exploiting that Crowley's been off his game for seasons by doing this to him.

But I suppose the loss of agency thing is sort of relevant with Mary and Cas also in trouble - it's like everyone but Sam and Dean is being controlled or is controlling >.>

I assume Crowley did just get some karma from Olivette and he's now possessing that rat, especially since they made such a big deal out of cutting Crowley with an angel blade = loud demon burny sounds, and then like in 11x01 when Cas stabbed Crowley's much shot and stabbed meatsuit, there was no sound effect.

Honestly at this point it sounds much more fun to have him stay as a rat, and also I guess his meatsuit is compromised

i would like someone else to play Crowley for a short period just like in 11x01 but without the orgy murder, and not because I dislike Mark S because he's made Crowley's long endurance since season 10 much more worth it than I guess it could have been with a less charismatic actor. But because it would be interesting and shake things up...

Wait I completely forgot to talk about the toni in the car scene... I mean that was all predictable and she was winding them up with the truth/half truths, and of course Mary is the sorest sore spot to push. The reveal she and Ketch had sex has a predictable reaction.

I finally figured out what's bothered me all episode - the Brits don't use ANY euphemisms for sex. IDK if Buckleming are particularly verbally creative anyway but they didn't spend any time giggling at some sort of list online of ridiculous British euphemisms and then go out of their way to use it, so there's now a drinking game for every time someone says "sex" in a pained British accent.

The real crime is they haven't seen Austen Powers because using "shagged" is at least the most obvious one to use if you're scared of being imaginative.

shoot out in the Bunker!

Dean gets some really improbable headshots but it's cool because I love him

"how many more guys you have in here?" "our mom! where is she!?"

lemme guess she's the other guy in here

*mary emerges with a gun*

oh lookie at that then

I suppose the 8x17 and Naomi parallels are about to do something. Mary's already on the crypt scene graph a few times. I'm laughing because 10x03 has another "I know you're in there" that I have totally blanked on since it aired, mostly because the failed ones really just kind of stack up in a little sad pile in the corner, but I did literally just watch it.

Interesting that Toni is ~more~ of the Naomi and Mary is basically here to free her... Ketch gets out sooner because Mary makes a shot just to scare Dean and Ketch gets his gun. Toni is the only one in peril now but she's the one who seems to have been doing the hard work on Mary.

elizabethrobertajones oh cripes it didn't work what the hell did Robbie DO he must have blackmail material on Singer and killing off all his faves is payback

mittensmorgul >.> wait, what didn't work?

elizabethrobertajones the crypt scene failure with Mary

mittensmorgul oh, yeah. well, did we expect it to?

elizabethrobertajones I mean I know he played the game hard to establish only romantic love breaks it in his episodes

mittensmorgul The crypt scene was supposed to be founded on mutual love and understanding

elizabethrobertajones but... like... did that get engraved permanently in the show's rulebook?

mittensmorgul the whole "YOU KNOW ME" but Mary really... doesn't//

elizabethrobertajones I know :P But it doesn't work on Sam and Dean??? they have at least 3 failures between them

mittensmorgul sam broke through in blade runners... adn after he killed abaddon

elizabethrobertajones yeah but he wasn't in danger and Dean was only sort of thinking about killing him

mittensmorgul but it took cas intervening in 10.03

elizabethrobertajones not overtly :P it wasn't a staged crypt scene it was just Sam breaking through Dean's murder fugue state caused by murdering someone else

mittensmorgul yeah...

elizabethrobertajones but 10x03 "i know you're in there" has no effect, and Robbie's parting one in 11x16 seemed mostly to be there to prove the rule

mittensmorgul nobody's ever really broken dean free in true crypt scene fashion

elizabethrobertajones I mean you have a point about Mary not knowing them and it being a miscommunication thing but in the wider picture I'm actually stunned that it works every time :P

mittensmorgul yeah

elizabethrobertajones I'm guessing she gets reclaimed some way or other but it seems they need to find another way than just appealing to her like that which means even if they break through it's going to be a subversion of sorts and has a past failure

mittensmorgul yeah

elizabethrobertajones while Dean nailed it first go on Cas :P although! they never told her to kill them and leaving them to die is different from making the shot

mittensmorgul yep if they'd ordered her to fire on them... that might've broken their hold on her It's like Doctor Who and the Big Red Button

elizabethrobertajones but the important thing is that's not what they showed here :P

Anyway that's pretty ominous about the Bunker being their tomb - yet more stuff about it being less and less like their home - it's always being threatened but every couple of years it seems really like it's going to permanently happen. I spent this equivalent area of season 10 convinced they were going to torch the Bunker. With it being Dabb era, and the 5th year of the Bunker, bets are off.

Mary talking about it being easier to hurt the people she loves, like there aren't only 2 people and she just left them to die and doesn't expect to see them again

"How do you feel?" "Fine. I'm fine"

I think she might take the cake for one of the worst "i'm fines" ever on this show.

She's now successfully been transformed into the Mary I wrote in A World Without Monsters and I never wanted to see that on screen despite kinda writing it assuming it would happen.

*shoves my fic far away from me because it's done nothing but cause me pain* :P

oh thank god that's over. I'm going to go to bed and spite-write Sam and Eileen's relationship accelerating dramatically faster than I meant it to in Terrible Coffee AU.

#12x21 #season 12 spoilers #my stuff #buckleming appropriate wank for ts

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ulrichfoester · 6 years ago

Text

When does old age begin? (Part 1 of Your Brain at 100 series)

This is part 1 of a series examing lessons in brain health learned from our elders — those folk who lived the longest and healthiest.

We’ve living longer, but how do our aging brains fare?

To answer this question, I’ve looked to two sources — those exceptionally old folks who remain in robust physical and mental health till the very end of their lives, and our evolutionary past.

Over millennia, Mother Nature equipped us to survive and thrive in the wild. Our brains evolved such that from womb to the tomb we’re required to move, eat well, sleep, immerse ourselves in nature, avoid stress, love and befriend, and seek meaning. These requirements neatly map onto the principles of everyday life followed by the world’s longest living people.

When does old age begin?

We can’t seem to make up our minds, and the older we get, the further we move the goalposts marking the last season of our lives.

A 2009 survey of Americans asked participants when they believed someone grew ‘old’.

Young folks in their twenties believed said old age began at 60. Those under 50 put the threshold closer to 70, whereas those 65 and above said that the average person does not become old until turning 74.

Getting old wasn’t nearly as bad as people think it will be. Nor was it quite as good.

On the downside, one in four adults ages 65 surveyed reported memory loss. One in five had a serious illness, are no longer sexually active, or often feel sad or depressed, lonely or have trouble paying bills. One in ten felt like a burden.

On the upside, the same group said they have more time for hobbies, travel, volunteer work, and more financial security. Of all the good things about getting old, the best by far, according to older adults, is being able to spend more time with family members.

“Am I Old? Certainly not!”

One of my boys said to me recently he couldn’t imagine me as a little girl and how did it feel to finally be “old”. I told him I feel the same now as I did when I was 10.

“Am I Old? Certainly not!” This was the answer survey respondents gave too.

In fact, the older they got, the younger they said they feel. About half of those under 30 said they felt their age. But those who were 75 and older? Just 35% say they feel “old”.

It seems we remain on intimate terms with our much younger selves — I sometimes wonder how ten-year old me suddenly became forty-three?

We enter the end of our lifespan with our past woven intimately into our biology.

From birth, our neural architecture is shaped by life’s ups and downs, the decisions we made, the places where we lived, worked and learned, the meaning we’ve derived, and who we loved, gave life to, and travelled with through time. How we spend our early years will determine how we age.

More and more of us are living to into old age, and there has never been a better time in which to do so. Our large clever human brains have bequeathed us with modern medicine and tools with which we manage our reproductive health, avoid maternal and neonatal death, vaccinate against disease, prevent pain, treat infection and some cancers, and perform surgery if required.

One hundred years ago, women lived barely long enough to see out their 50s. A baby girl born today can expect to live to see out the first decades of the 22nd century.

Uncovering the secrets of exceptional longevity

On February 21, 1875, one year before the Alexander Graham Bell filed his patent for the telephone, a baby girl, Jeanne Louise Calment was born in Arles, France. She was alive to witness the invention of the aeroplane, cinema, and on a trip to Paris saw the Eiffel tower being built. When she was 13, Jeanne met Vincent Van Gogh; although apparently, she was less than impressed saying he was ”…very ugly, ungracious, impolite, sick…”.

In 1997, the same year Princess Diana died, Calment finally passed away. She was 122 years and 164 days old. Although blind, almost deaf, and confined to a wheelchair, Calment reportedly remained spirited and “alert as a hummingbird” till the end. The French called her “la doyenne de l’humanitè” (the elder of humankind) and she still holds the record for the world’s longest ever living human (although this has been recently challenged).

In April 2017, the latest longevity record holder, Emma Martina Luigia Morano of Vercelli, Italy, died aged 117. Born in November 1899, Morano was the last known living person who was born in the 1800s. According to the Guinness Book of Records, Morano followed the same extraordinary diet for around 90 years: three eggs per day (two raw, one cooked), fresh Italian pasta, and a dish of raw meat. The current longevity crown belongs to Polish Holocaust survivor Israel Kristal, who celebrated his 113th birthday in September 2017.

Once rare as diamonds, the oldest of the old are the fastest growing sector of our global population.

If you were born in 1900, the odds of living till age 100 were less than 1 in a million, and few people lived long enough see out the 1950s. For girls born into wealthy countries today, the odds of blowing out 100 candles on a cake are roughly 1 in 50.

Israel Kristal claims he doesn’t know the secret of his long life.

I believe that everything is determined from above and we shall never know the reasons why. There have been smarter, stronger and better-looking men then me who are no longer alive. All that is left for us to do is to keep on working as hard as we can and rebuild what is lost.

When asked her secrets, Jeanne Calment attributed her longevity to immunity to stress and a good attitude,

I wasn’t afraid of anything. I was often reproached for that … I took pleasure when I could, I acted clearly and morally and without regret. I’m very lucky.

Calment reportedly ate more than two pounds of chocolate a week, treated her skin with olive oil, rode a bicycle until she was 100, and only quit smoking when she was 117 because she became too proud to ask someone else to light her cigarettes. Known for her wit, she is widely reported as saying,

I’ve never had but one wrinkle, and I’m sitting on it.

Hard work, raw eggs, biking, and no regrets. We clamour to learn their secrets, and typically the oldest of the old love to share their long-won wisdom. Calment once quipped.

I wait. For death and journalists.

Blue Zones lessons for longevity

In another longevity project, National Geographic writer Dan Buettner together Professor Michel Poulain famously described five ‘Blue Zones’ around the globe where the residents live to exceptional old age. Despite being very different parts of the world, there are commonalities to the resident’s lifestyles.

Their longevity has nothing to do with brute discipline, diets, exercise programs or supplements… In Blue Zones areas around the world, longevity happens to people. It’s the result of the right environment that constantly nudges them into moving more, eating more plants and beans while eating less meat and sugar, socializing with the right people and living out their values. It’s that simple, really.

Residents of the Nicoya Peninsula in Costa Rica, prioritise friendship and family, and they almost never work extra hours if it means they have to forego a good party. They also foster ‘plan de vida’ or ‘a reason to live’.

In Loma Linda, California, the strong sense of purpose, day of rest, no-smoking policy, and healthy diet practices of the local Seventh Day Adventist community has rubbed off on the health of the whole town.

Residents of the mountainous villages of Sardinia, Italy and the Greek island of Ikaria, nap, fast, grow their own food, and drink wine daily with friends. It’s thought the clean air, warm breezes and rugged terrain of the Mediterranean islands draw locals outdoors to move naturally.

The residents of the Japanese islands of Okinawa, home to the world’s longest living women, are dedicated to family. Okinawans practice ‘Hara hachi bu’, a reminder to stop eating when they’re 80% full, ‘Ikigai’, which roughly translates to “Why I wake up in the morning,” and form ‘Moais’, groups of five friends that remain committed to each other for live.

Buettner has distilled the lifestyle practices of Blue Zones into lessons for longevity. As he says, to make it to 100 you may have to “win the genetic lottery”, but the average person’s life expectancy can be increased by moving move, prioritising friends, family and social gatherings, eating less, drinking wine, and fostering a sense of purpose.

Sydney Centenarian Study lessons for longevity

Due to the rarity of extremely old folks, the Sydney Centenarian Study has partnered with a consortium of centenarian research teams from around the globe to pool their resources and data to enable more powerful conclusions to be drawn. Their data support the Blue Zones observations.

Charlene Levitan, who once headed up the Sydney Centenarian Study says,

What is emerging from the global research is that around 30% of longevity is contributed by genetics. The remaining 70% is to do with our lifestyle, which includes a healthy diet, exercise, and remaining socially integrated.

One of the strongest themes to emerge is related to the personality traits of resilience, adaptability and optimism.

Most of our centenarians will report optimism as a life-long personality characteristic.

This is an excerpt from my book The Women’s Brain Book.

The post When does old age begin? (Part 1 of Your Brain at 100 series) appeared first on Your Brain Health.

When does old age begin? (Part 1 of Your Brain at 100 series) published first on https://familycookwareshop.tumblr.com/

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ulrichfoester · 6 years ago

Text

When does old age begin? (Part 1 of Your Brain at 100 series)

This is part 1 of a series examing lessons in brain health learned from our elders — those folk who lived the longest and healthiest.

We’ve living longer, but how do our aging brains fare?

To answer this question, I’ve looked to two sources — those exceptionally old folks who remain in robust physical and mental health till the very end of their lives, and our evolutionary past.

When does old age begin?

We can’t seem to make up our minds, and the older we get, the further we move the goalposts marking the last season of our lives.

A 2009 survey of Americans asked participants when they believed someone grew ‘old’.

Getting old wasn’t nearly as bad as people think it will be. Nor was it quite as good.

“Am I Old? Certainly not!”

One of my boys said to me recently he couldn’t imagine me as a little girl and how did it feel to finally be “old”. I told him I feel the same now as I did when I was 10.

“Am I Old? Certainly not!” This was the answer survey respondents gave too.

In fact, the older they got, the younger they said they feel. About half of those under 30 said they felt their age. But those who were 75 and older? Just 35% say they feel “old”.

It seems we remain on intimate terms with our much younger selves — I sometimes wonder how ten-year old me suddenly became forty-three?

We enter the end of our lifespan with our past woven intimately into our biology.

One hundred years ago, women lived barely long enough to see out their 50s. A baby girl born today can expect to live to see out the first decades of the 22nd century.

Uncovering the secrets of exceptional longevity

Once rare as diamonds, the oldest of the old are the fastest growing sector of our global population.

Israel Kristal claims he doesn’t know the secret of his long life.

When asked her secrets, Jeanne Calment attributed her longevity to immunity to stress and a good attitude,

I wasn’t afraid of anything. I was often reproached for that … I took pleasure when I could, I acted clearly and morally and without regret. I’m very lucky.

I’ve never had but one wrinkle, and I’m sitting on it.

Hard work, raw eggs, biking, and no regrets. We clamour to learn their secrets, and typically the oldest of the old love to share their long-won wisdom. Calment once quipped.

I wait. For death and journalists.

Blue Zones lessons for longevity

Sydney Centenarian Study lessons for longevity

Charlene Levitan, who once headed up the Sydney Centenarian Study says,

One of the strongest themes to emerge is related to the personality traits of resilience, adaptability and optimism.

Most of our centenarians will report optimism as a life-long personality characteristic.

This is an excerpt from my book The Women’s Brain Book.

The post When does old age begin? (Part 1 of Your Brain at 100 series) appeared first on Your Brain Health.

When does old age begin? (Part 1 of Your Brain at 100 series) published first on https://familycookwareshop.tumblr.com/

0 notes