#‘no one wants to work’ BRO NOBODY WANTS TO HIRE

[millionsknives]

hey besties. how on EARTH is one supposed to relocate and find a new job at the same time

[pianokantzart]

My English class had to make a newsletter about anything, literally anything that we want it to be, and we had to write it as if we were in that universe. And I (of course) chose the Mario Bros. Universe. I call it Mushroom Kingdom Weekly. And I want your professional opinion on it.

Good layout Highly readable Love the background Lots of pictures Aesthetically 10/10

Luigi's Mansion 3 appreciation! (and LUIGI appreciation specifically <3) I love how everybody looks at Gooigi– arguably a HUGE crime against God and nature, whose very consciousness is an utter mystery– and collectively go "awe sweet! New companion!" That is the most Mario thing I've ever heard of.

Low key, when I saw that Yoshi was getting interviewed I was CERTAIN it was just going to be one side of the conversation and "Yoshi! Yoshi!" on the other side. A good joke? yes? Low hanging fruit? Also yes, but the fact that they actually provided and credited a toad translator creates the cutest mental picture. Dang, Lakitu's really out for blood isn't he? you can tell he probably works in reality tv.

Actually laughing at how this is clearly a Mario-positive magazine, but when Bowser Jr. sends in a comic about his Dad incinerating Mario the response is "wow this is very well drawn!" like alsdkjflkj they're so nice to that kid.

Adore how Luigi's got people fighting over him in the love advice column asdfljk he's gonna have a mailbox STUFFED with little gifts (as he should.) But yeah, Bowser should really just hire some pretty looking commoner with nannying experience to roleplay as a mom??? Then again he probably gets bored if he's not actively breaking the law at any given moment.

I know that the Double Dash article is focused mainly on Bowser and Luigi's team up, but boy oh boy nobody stands a chance against the pure, chaotic, destructive energy that will be the Daisy-Mario team up. King Boo and Bowser Jr. might be able to compete in terms of chaos, but NONE of those carts are crossing the finish line in one piece.

[misc-obeyme]

If the bros worked in a nightclub, what roles would they have, along with their stage names? Oh, and today is my birthday! I just wanted to share it with you🥳💕

Happy birthday, anon!!

Um, so I might not be the best person to ask about nightclub related things... I haven't been to many of them. I am an introverted homebody lol.

I'm not sure what you mean by roles? Like what kinda jobs they'd have if they worked at a nightclub?

Because if that's what you mean, then I can tell you what I think they'd all do! And I'm gonna say that Asmo just came up with stage names for all of them because he felt like it, no matter what they end up doing.

Asmo is absolutely on stage. No question about it. Whether he's singing or pole dancing or doing drag or whatever, that guy's the center of attention! Stage name: I kinda think he'd go for the single name. It's just straight up ASMODEUS. Probably stylized all in caps like that, too.

Beel is the bouncer. Not working the door, but watching things on the inside. Big and quiet and can easily pick up rowdy demons and toss them outside without a second look. Stage name: I kinda think Asmo could talk him into doing pole dancing. Because you know, it's super athletic and requires a lot of strength. I kinda feel like it'd end up being something about his muscles. Mr. Buffington perhaps. LOL. I dunno how serious these stage names are. Beel would probably be like uhhhh I'm just Beel.

Mammon is the finance guy. Most of the time, he's just crunching numbers, but when the club is in action, he's out on the dance floor, just kinda bringing some ambiance with his enthusiastic personality. Yeah, he might be trying to get people to buy the most expensive drinks, but he's also having the time of his life so nobody minds. Stage name: I like the idea that Mammon regularly gets into his dame outfit. Either straight up calls himself Goldie or something like... Lady Grimm. LOL!

Satan is bar tending. I don't know why, but I just think he'd be good at it. And he's probably the most competent one to be handling all that booze anyway. Lucifer would probably do a good job, but he can't be trusted around the Demonus. Stage name: because Asmo makes him wear cat ears all the time, he's obviously going to be something like Kitty Meow Meow. Anyone who actually calls him this gets decked.

Levi is handling all the tech. Stage lights? Fog machine? Audio equipment? This guy is on it! Hides most of the time and plays video games when he's not needed. Hates being out in the main area so hides in vip lounges all the time. Stage name: Lord of Shadows! Asmo can come up with whatever cutesy thing he wants, but Levi won't go by anything else. It doesn't matter because he would never actually be on stage so Asmo lets it be.

Belphie helps out with bar tending. He's too sleepy to partake of too much alcohol, it'd just make him sleepier. But he's smart and he's good at keeping an eye out for creepers trying to roofie drinks. He looks like he's not paying attention, but he notices everything. Subtly lets Beel know when there's a creeper that needs to be escorted out. Stage name: because I like the idea that Belphie will also sometimes do the dame thing and then he just goes by Belle - simple, elegant, and Asmo approved.

Lucifer oversees everything. He's the manager, of course. Makes sure everybody else is doing what they're supposed to. Hires extra muscles for Beel when needed. Only has the best demons working the door. Books musical gigs when Asmo's not performing. Keeps himself away from the alcohol and the Anti Lucifer League lol. Stage name: only on rare occasions does Lucifer do anything that would require a stage name and then he goes by Morningstar. Asmo's so awestruck he wouldn't even dream of protesting.

OKAY well I did my best lol. I'm sorry if this isn't really what you were looking for! You can always send me another ask with more detail on what exactly you're thinking of. But yeah, my knowledge of this stuff is lacking in general.

Either way, I hope you had a fabulous birthday, anon!

[fgslt]

Downfall

I dropped out of my elite college because of financial struggle. For a long time I lived in a frat house were the rent was practically nothing and my job payed for books and foods. But then one day, one of my bros walked into my unlocked room.

I had planned on staying in the closet until graduation, because fraternities are not so open minded. However my frat bro agreed on telling nobody if he could fuck me whenever he wants and if I wrote his exams.

I wanted to graduate and also had a thing for my bro, so I agreed. Unfortunately I couldn’t handle the double workload and after two semesters I failed his exam and he got me kicked out. So I had to look for a new apartment I could still rent with the rising prices. It seemed impossible, but luckily I met Mr. Miller.

He owned a gay strip club and told me, that even as a waiter, I would earn enough money to pay rent even without rising my weekly hours at work. He also offered me to move in with him as his houseboy. At first I thought everything went well, but I still haven’t much time to study.

Long, a stripper from the club, told me about his paycheck and that he made much more money on OF. Mr. Miller told me I had to move out, because he never fucks stripper but with the extra cash, I could rent an apartment and get more time for my college degree, since I no longer would work as a houseboy. Bug OF didn’t work out for me. There was to much choice and I sucked as a stripper cause I let them look and touch for free. I started to take money on grindr and my first date was Zane.

He gave me 50 bugs and told me he was a pimp who could help me. The rent was still to much, but he had a trailer where I could move in. Still short on money and time I paused my education. I asked Mr. Miller for my old job, but he told me a whore was to filthy for his club and his house! I also asked at the gas station where I organized Zanes beer but no chance. Fortunately a trucker heard me.

As an ex-criminal he new how hard the world could be and was willing to give me a chance. 5000 bugs for a week and I only had to help with little things. First I thought, I would only be his plaything, but I was wrong. He picked up some of his friends and drove us to a near gas station. They send me to pick up some liquor and I went out to get some. Suddenly all of them stormed into the station, carrying a gun and wearing a masks. Someone put a gun to my had and demanded all the money. Next thing I know is that we drove to the next gas station with 10.000 cash. One was for me the rest for him and his two friends. After one week, I had my 5000 bugs and they stopped paying me. They didn’t let me go though. They just payed me in cum. After three weeks the police caught us.

The police officer told me it was my first time and if I was willing to make a deal and show him my pussy him he would let me go. I did. In fact the whole swat dumped their cum in me. Unfortunately my companions had made a much better deal, my pussy and freedom for theirs. At least five years in jail are enough time to finish my education. But I don’t know if it makes sense to study anymore. After all who would hire a criminal med student? Skull, the guy I shared a cell with suggested the same. He was nice though and promised to take care of me.

[beaker1636]

Single Lyrics Pt. 2 - Ryan Sitkowski Slow Burn

AN: I know this isn't the most exciting part but I promise that it will pick up in a couple more parts. I have a lot of things planned that I am excited about but we have to make it there first and that means sharing background and working some things out first. I can't wait for the drama to begin soon!

Thank you to @tearfallpixie and @darkhallcorner for letting me bounce a few ideas off of you!

“Thank you for coming over, I know none of the guys would complain about Violet being here for the meeting but I know nobody will focus if she was and we really need to finalize the setlist for this tour,” Ryan greets you as you walk into his living room.

“I swear you forget that this is literally my job, you are paying me to come watch her when you need it,” you respond, rolling your eyes as you greet the little girl who is currently playing on the floor of the living room.

“Yeah in another week, technically you aren’t my employee until the tour starts next week.  Anyways, the guys should be here soon.  I hope you don’t mind keeping her in the play room for an hour or two while we finish hashing this out,” he responds, following you in and smiling to himself when he sees how well you are doing with the little girl.

Violet smiles at you, moving to greet you with a hug as you lean down to pick her up, giving her a tight hug in the process.

“Hello pretty girl, should we go play while Ry does some work?” You ask her, starting the walk towards her playroom with her in your arms, wanting her cuddles after your rough day at work.  You honestly can’t wait until you officially start the nanny job next week, you love daycare but having one child over 16 at a time will be so nice.

You set her down on the floor, letting her go and pick what toys that she wants before you sit down with her, helping her wrap her baby up in the blanket she brought you so you could do just that. You help her and watch as she tries to rock her baby, loving how she plays with the little doll while you help.

A while later she gives up on her doll and grabs your hand, pulling you over to a bubble machine she has in there so that you can pull it down and do bubbles with her.  Both of you giggle as you pop them and play together, losing track of time.

You continue to play, enjoying the time you got just playing with and getting to bond with this little girl when you noticed that she needed her diaper changed, helping her walk with you to her room so that you could go change her, hearing the voices of everyone in the other room.

You lift her on the changing table and quickly change her in her room, before helping her back down so that you could return to the playroom when she suddenly takes off on you.

“Ry, Ry,” she mumbles as she runs towards the living room, you are guessing that she heard his voice out there and wanted to see him.  

She makes it in the room before you, rushing to Ryan with a big smile on her face, excited that she found him, you quickly follow after.

“I’m so sorry she took off running as soon as she heard your voice, I didn’t mean for her to interrupt your meeting,” you say softly, moving to take her from Ryan, embarrassed with what had just happened.

“That’s alright, we finished with business and are just talking.  Y/N, you know Rick and Chris, and then that is Vinny and Justin, our new bassist and drummer.  Guys, this is y/n, she is the nanny I hired for Violet for our tour,” Ryan says, lifting the little girl onto his lap with a smile while you glance around the room awkwardly.

Ricky meets your eye with his eyebrow raised, making you blush and glance away, uncomfortable with his gaze on yours at the moment.  You and him were never particularly best friends when you were with Ryan years ago, but you two didn’t hate each other either.  Honestly the only ones you didn’t get along with was Angelo and TJ but they have been gone for quite awhile.  Rick and Chris were always friendly to you, but when Ryan broke up with you they stopped talking to you, which was honestly just as hurtful as losing Ryan, you lost two of your close friends at the same time.

“I almost didn’t recognize you y/n, it has only been what, like 10 years,” Rick teases. “How have you been?”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Ehh, surviving.  I got my degree to teach English, realized I hated it and now work with littles.  Love it a lot more, but that is about it.  Nothing has really changed for me, not like it did for you all,” you say softly, feeling weird with everyone looking at you. “I’m glad you guys made it big, I know all the work that you have done through the years. I never really stopped following how the band has done despite everything… Ryan, seriously, do you want me to take her back to the play room? I didn’t expect her to take off running out here and I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for her to interrupt.” 

You are looking for an out, Ryan can tell that you are uncomfortable and looking for an excuse to walk out of the room, to get away from this situation. He may not have seen you in years, and feels like you are a total stranger but he can still recognize how uneasy you seem to feel. You were never good about hiding how you are feeling about things from him, and he can still read you like a book.

“No, it’s fine.  We were done with the setlist and just talking.  I told you it would only be a couple hours.  If you want to leave you are welcome to, I know you worked a full shift already today before this,” he says with a smile, his eyes meeting yours as he tries to relax you.

“Thank you, if you need me again before we meet next week for the tour please let me know, it was nice meeting you Vinny and Justin, and nice seeing you again Rick and Chris.  I’ll see you all next week,” you say before rushing out the front door to your car, collapsing into your seat with a sigh before you leave to go home.  Ready to update Miranda on what had happened and how odd you felt seeing the other guys again. 

“Okay, spill.  Isn’t it weird to have your ex-girlfriend as your nanny?” Chris asked Ryan, turning to look at him where he sat. “How the hell did this happen? None of the other nannies work out?”

“Um, I just didn’t find anyone I can trust and I remembered my sister mentioning that she was a daycare teacher so I asked her.  I was desperate, wanted someone I could trust and knew would be great for Violet.  Despite how awkward it might be she has done great the few times she has already watched Vi and I can tell they are close already.  I also knew that she wouldn’t leak anything I don’t want out there and that because she knows me that she wouldn’t be a weird fangirl or anything while watching my little girl,” Ryan answers, bouncing Violet on his knee with a smile before she hopped off to grab a stray toy that is in her living room.

“And the two of you can get past everything for Violet? Not let it affect anything? I mean you were kind of a dick to her, shit sorry. I’m getting used to watching my mouth still,” Rick says, laughing slightly while the other guitarist glares at him for the language he just used around his little girl.

“She promised me that she wouldn’t let it negatively impact Vi, that we would both stay professional.  I told her I wanted us to at least be on friendly terms but she said she doesn’t think she can be my friend. I can respect that, and understand why not because of what I did to her years ago. We are making it work, there have been weird moments when we talked but I am hopeful that by the end of the tour things will be better with us. I also apologized for screwing  up and handling things the way that I did when we were young and stupid,” Ryan admits with a sigh, watching as Violet climbed her way onto Chris’ lap.  She has really taken a liking to him, which nobody expected honestly.

“Wait, wait… you said she’s your ex-girlfriend? That is a little weird, even if you both said you can keep it decent.  And what do you mean screwing up, what did you do to her?” Justin asks, now curious about what exactly is going on.

“When we left for our first tour, like not when we played random shows but tour, he ghosted her.  Just stopped talking to her and when her friend finally got upset and asked about it he told her that he could get anyone he wanted that would be better.  Nobody heard from her or her friend ever again after that, minus her friend telling him that she hopes he knew that he really hurt her.” Chris answers, knowing Ryan probably wouldn’t answer.

“That’s fucked up dude,” Vinny says, glancing at everyone across the room, feeling slightly out of place in this conversation.

“I didn’t want to hurt her, I knew that being on the road and everything was going to hurt her in the long run so it was easier to make her hate me so that she didn’t try to fight me rather than try to tell her I was done.  She deserved more than I could give her, I was young and stupid and wish now I handled things better but I can’t take that back,” Ryan responds with a sigh.  “Anyways, I’m kicking all of you out so I can start getting this one ready for bed.  I will see you all next week when we leave.”

They all say their goodbyes before stepping out of Ryan’s house, making their way home now that everything has been settled for tour and they are ready to kick it off. 

Ryan gets his little girl changed and in bed before sitting in the quiet living room, feeling oddly guilty about how uncomfortable you clearly felt around the guys.  He knows it isn’t fully his fault, they didn’t need to ignore you once the two of you broke up but he still feels like it is his fault that your old friends stopped talking to you.  He could tell you felt uncomfortable and knew that would only make things weird on the tour and it is all his fault, hopefully it doesn’t last long.  He won’t make you hold up your end of the deal if things don’t go well, he wants what is best for his little girl but not if it is going to make you miserable.

He pulls his phone out, thanking you again for watching her last minute before letting out a sigh and going to take a shower before bed, you weighing heavily on his mind.

[jenthebug]

Whole-ass life update

insertcaffeine vs. weed: Weed’s winning. I’ve gotten stoned every night this week, because every day this week has been frustrating, exhausting, or both. I’ve done my ASL lessons, and then taken an edible. Tonight, though, no edibles. I’ll be dropping Jay off at a friend’s house and doing some ASL study, that’s it.

Jay: One of his friends has a legit Disney World Dad, who is taking the friend to legit Disney World, and offered to let her bring a friend! She chose Jay. So Jay is going to Disney World for a week, starting tomorrow. 

Work: [frog emoji][tea emoji] One of the MAs, the one who we thought up and quit last time, actually up and quit this time. We work in a very non-toxic workplace that doesn’t suffer gossip well, so nobody has told me what really went down. One one hand, this is good (obviously). On the other, I wanna know.

Also, New Lady was hired part-time for bariatrics (my clinic) and part time for maternal-fetal medicine (the clinic next door), and she’s started training next door. So I’m tired. x_x

Beauty: I’ve decided that it’s my duty to Serve. Up. Lewks. in Boston for Twin Bro's graduation. Glow the fuck UP. I’m working on makeup looks. I’m trying a new brand of press-on nails (Dashing Diva MagicPress, I’m impressed so far). I’m seriously considering a wig and new glasses. The graduation is a perfect excuse to get all done up, but I’ve been wanting to glow up for a while. Because really, why not?

Soba: Jay took a really cute picture of him.

[furiousofpanda]

Little regretevator headcannons of mine or ones I agree with to some extent. Primarily I prefer how the are canonically with a few fanon things here and there that really wouldn't change much.

Pest being very interested in prototype (mechanics wise) and ends up being like a mean uncle who pushes prototypes limits

Emphoso is responsible for the Mr. Maneuveror to some extent. Mr is not alive anymore but more of an object moved by a spirit. Mr used to be a God that had legacy that overtime was forgotten but images of it still persist (as see with all the smiley face icons such as on the elevator floor, and paintings in game) Emphoso in my eyes is of a simular species of what Mr used to be pre-godhood before Mr. went into godhood, got shrinked when falling and turned to slate. Mr's spirit is not bound to the rock in particular.

Pest would actually strangle Poob if they were left alone. (I have a distate for how most pestpoob stuff is written personally)

Lampert has a large age gap between Wallter and Mark but is close friends with them, technically got "adopted" (not literally) by the two when they were married as an inside joke but they never actually treated Lampert like a child unless it was for a bit

Mark and Wallter still enjoy doing these bits after the divorce, infact it amplified them. They enjoy arguing sometimes when they are both in with the joke. Not all arguments are entertaining though and some almost can get verbally violent in a way that would entertain pest and folly.

Lampert and Kasper were friends before Kasper got infected (idfk if this is a cannon factor not but that's why I'm putting it here)

Unpleasant actually has a real body but it's on a different plane of existence and the gradient is a placeholder. Unironically Folly and Unpleasant might be able to tolerate eachother more than anyone else can tolerate them.

Infected wants to get better but feels physically/emotionlly unable to take care of himself (autism?) Also feels bad for not asking for help and tries to instead Mask it, making it worse.

Pilby and Mach have the most Aroace Platonic(?) Relationship out of the whole cast. It's more built on comfort and a general distaste for PDA, so nobody really knows what he fuck is going on between these two. As long as they r happy :)

Gnarpy has crashed so many spaceships that area 51 has run out of room to store them.

Spud is afraid of things like physical touch (after a bit of it bro explodes)

Emphoso has ties with Mach's Higher-ups

Gregoriah and Emphoso own large store chains, Gregoriah having 2 areas both ran by them (,one self automated, *cough* reddy) and only them and Emphoso hiring (selling their souls) of other employees like Emerson or that one mf on the button floor which is why they sound depressed or generally unhappy with their jobs.

Gregoriah is a workaholic (like Poob, probably to cope with something) and doest get out much

Poob is technically a demi-god (a status gifted by a trickster god) but is repressing the fact and tries to ignore it. This also means all forms of drugs or intoxication would have no effects on Poob. Despite this it does not make poob invincible, just tough.

Bive flirts with Split in her own way but Split is sort of oblivious to Bives love language for the most part. Despite this they are really good friends that have feelings for eachother but the don't act on it for the most part (I want them to kiss)

I'd write more but I'm on a break at work, I'll update this later when I can fact check som things

[allthelittlecreepycrawlies]

SangYao Fluff and Stuff Ideas, Part Three

I saw a Pokemon AU illustration that had Meng Yao being befriended by a lone Ditto, and let me also submit that he ends up with a Mimikyu, a Trubbish, a Cubone, a Yamask (that may or may not have been spawned from his mother's death). He also somehow befriends a Luxray, which people are suspicious of because it seems far too elegant for him.

Anyway, he meets Huaisang when he finds the other boy cheerfully petting the Trubbish without being grossed out at all.

It's weird. People don’t do that.

Then he sees a Crobat and a Swoobat among the flock of bird pokemon surrounding Huaisang and oh, now he understands.

---------------

San-zun and Sang Fusion AU!

Nobody expects the SangYao (romantic) pairing to be as stable as it is, except for the two of them.

They’re surprised by the stability of the Nie Bro fusion, too.

NieLan (also romantic) is a little wobbly, but can hold.

XiYao unfuse almost immediately because Jin Guangyao absolutely does not want Lan Xichen to know his thoughts.

NieYao unfuse almost immediately because of mutual animosity (and the same problem as above).

XiSang is extremely wobbly and awkward and eventually falls apart in about half an hour.

San-zun is a ✨glorious mess✨ before falling apart after forty-five seconds, but when they add Huaisang to the mix, they surprisingly manage to keep together for about ten minutes before destabilizing.

---------------

Assassins and spies au, with Huaisang seeking to root out and kill an enemy spymaster and Meng Yao trying to track down and eliminate an enemy assassin.

Huaisang wanted a normal childhood growing up, but when a murder attempt leaves their father dead and Mingjue in a coma, his mothers and the other heads of the family begin training him to keep his older brother alive at all costs. 

And that includes "waste disposal."

On the other side, Meng Yao has been "hired" (read: indentured) by his politician father with the safety of his mother hanging over his head. 

His father wants him to use that impeccable memory and sharp organizational skills to find out who's been killing all the operatives and lowlives sent to wipe out any obstacles to his ambitions. 

Neither of them knows who the other is, and when they first cross paths, it's in a completely neutral setting at a charity gala. 

Meng Yao can tell there's more to Huaisang than the airheaded bit of fluff his father described, and Huaisang can tell that Meng Yao is doing a lot more than just keeping the party going. 

But they like that about each other. 

(And now the game of Tag starts.)

Meng Yao quickly figures out that, in direct opposition to his father's beliefs, there is only one person behind the kills, and they've managed to make it look like more by varying their methods and staying out of camera sight. 

He's actually somewhat impressed.

Huaisang notices when the attempts on his brother and his brother's friends become much more organized. Detailed. Someone's actually putting effort into these plans now, not just going for the first opportunity. 

If it weren't for the threat to his brother, it would be thrilling.

They want to find each other. 

And maybe not just for the sake of their positions. 

It's been a long time since either of them has had fun.

---------------

Timeline where Meng Yao never made it back to Yunping after being rejected by his father because he got snapped up in a Wen border raid. 

He manages to impress the local captain enough to be assigned work instead of killed, and eventually winds up in the palace where he catches the attention of no less than Wen Ruohan, who, like in canon, has him start designing torture implements. He doesn't necessarily enjoy it, but a job's a job and he does it well.

At some point, there is an influx of prisoners, meaning Wen Ruohan has started to make good on his threat to consolidate power, but that's none of Meng Yao's business. He builds things and takes notes on whether or not there's any useful information to be gleaned from the screaming, that's all.

Then one day Wen Ruohan offhandedly tells him that in appreciation for all his hard work, there's a gift waiting for him in his room.

...

That sounds sus.

Meng Yao braces himself for whatever he might find, but still nearly has a heart attack when he pushes open his door to find a half-conscious young man about his size and in the colors of the Nie sect tied to one of his bedposts.

---------------

Hanahaki au where Meng Yao tells Nie Huaisang that once he's been recognized and their stations aren't so different, then it will be safe to have a relationship, and whether true or a lie, this is enough to quell the flowers.

And then months after Meng Yao has left, he begins coughing them up again.

Oh.

When the war has ended and he sees Qin Su at the victory banquet, sees the way they look at each other, Nie Huaisang has never felt more like an idiot in his life.

He quietly excuses himself to bed, ignoring his brother's look of concern, and after spending the whole night choking up peonies, he sends a letter to the only surgeon in Qinghe qualified to remove the roots, asking for the first available opening.

Some would call it cowardice, but he doesn't care. He has no desire to be a homewrecker, nor die for someone who's happy with another.

Better to forget. 

Nie Huaisang demands (begs) that Da-ge not hold a grudge on his behalf because he's seen how Nie Mingjue's relationship with Jin Guangyao is on thin ice and he doesn't want to be a catalyst.

Nie Mingjue agrees not to pick fights about it, but that doesn't mean he forgives. In his mind, his baby brother needlessly suffered for a broken promise. 

Years later, as he is coughing up blood from Shoyue buried in his chest, Jin Guangyao looks past Lan Xichen into Nie Huaisang’s expression of cold fury and remembers a terrified boy trying to stammer out a confession through tears and the flowers and blood spilling from his mouth. 

Oh.

(How ironic that had Nie Huaisang not given up the flowers and memories, he might have hesitated. But because Jin Guangyao was only a friendly acquaintance, not the love of his life, he threw himself wholeheartedly into revenge.)

When he's finally slotted back into reincarnation, JGY is cursed to inevitably remember that first lifetime. Over the centuries, he occasionally runs into the others, just enough times to be aware that he's the only one who remembers.

But he never once crosses paths with the Nies until his 12th life, after he has already wandered far away from Langya.

He sees Nie Mingjue first, a teenager of about 15 and already as tall as him. Expecting a very small Nie Huaisang to follow, he is stunned to see a young man instead.

(The interruption to the cycle caused them to switch places)

This Nie Huaisang is 21 to Jin Guangyao's 19 and his brother's 15, and he's just as pretty as Jin Guangyao remembers.

His chest tightens painfully and his throat locks up. Quickly making his escape to a bathroom, he coughs a handful of mulberry flowers.

Oh.

Oh shit.

(But this time, they'll get the happy ending. He knows better now.)

---------------

Nie Mingjue's murder/the Jin sect having demonic cultivator grad students hiding among them gets discovered early (before Nie Huaisang would have found it out by himself) and it turns out that because Jin Guangyao and Mo Xuanyu always knew their father would throw them under the bus, they worked very hard to keep their stories consistent so that that neither would accidentally incriminate them both. 

Between the two of them, they manage to convince Nie Huaisang and the rest of the jianghu that they weren't that involved, and what they did do (like the body theft) was at the coercive demands of their father, whose history of very public derision and abuse of them both only makes him look worse.

Huaisang is still broken hearted and angry and scared, but now has both brothers directing him to a more obvious target

There were plenty of witnesses who saw him cradling his brother's ward-bound head in agonizing grief, his tragic ingenue image is imprinted on the jianghu, so nobody argues when Jin Guangshan is warded into a house in exile.

And when he turns up dead months later (after Jin Guangyao so very gently offering the metaphorical knife to Nie Huaisang and framing it as a way for all of them to heal from what Jin Guangshan put them through), pretty much everyone shrugs and says he deserved it. 

While Nie Huaisang hasn't necessarily forgiven them, The Jinsibs’ very earnest promises to start making amends by helping him search for the pieces of his brother (Mo Xuanyu genuinely doesn't know where they were hidden and will be the one actually going out searching, so that adds to the authenticity) saves them from the brunt of his wrath. 

The only thing left for Nie Huaisang is to put his brother back to rest, and he can't even really participate in that until all the pieces are found since he has to stay close to the "collection" because he's the only person Nie Mingjue is guaranteed not to attack.

He's stuck in this hazy cycle of grief and purpose with only his husband and the occasional intervention of Lan Xichen or Mo Xuanyu's return visits to keep him from shattering completely.

[rosenallies]

Since we were talking about it, would you write Nali visiting Rosie at work and overhearing one of the office bros making a rude remark? Protective daddy Rosie 🥰🥰🥰🥰

another old prompt yes 😭 why did I lowkey miss out on sum pretty good prompts <3

——

“Oh my god, thank fuck you’re here, I can’t believe I forgot my laptop,” Rosé exasperated as Denali walked into his office, his laptop pressed tightly against him. He crossed the room, placing a kiss on Denali’s cheek and taking his computer, setting it on his desk.

“Do you want to stay and hang out for a bit, babe? Or do you wanna go home?”

Denali shuffled his feet and shrugged. “Can I borrow your jacket?”

Rosé cocked his head to the side, brows furrowed in confusion. “Are you cold, baby? It’s been really warm out lately.”

“I’m just-I’m cold,” he insisted, eyes glued to the floor.

“Baby,” Rosé said, lifting Denali’s chin up to meet his gaze, “what’s the matter? Tell daddy what’s going on.”

Tears filled Denali’s eyes and his stomach churned with embarrassment. He tucked himself against Rosé, sniffling against his chest. “I heard someone in the lobby when I was walking in say something mean about my outfit and and how I walked.”

Rosé sighed sympathetically. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I think you look adorable, that dress is really pretty on you,” he cooed, “but that’s absolutely not okay. Can you show me who said it?”

Denali shook his head. “I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.”

“Baby, look at me, nobody should be saying mean things about you, especially not here when everyone in this building works for me. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let someone insult my sweet boy? I want you to tell daddy who it was so I can take care of it, okay?”

“Okay,” Denali sniffled, letting Rosé take him by the hand and lead him to the doorway where he pointed to one of the new finance managers.

“Hmm,” Rosé hummed, “I didn’t get the best vibes from him. You stay here, baby, daddy’s gonna take care of this.”

Denali lingered by the doorway as Rosé stomped toward the man’s desk. He couldn’t help but giggle to himself when he saw the look on his face as he followed Rosé back to his office.

“Nali, love, will you have a seat on the couch, please?”

He did as he was told, smiling politely and folding his hands in his lap, settling in for the show.

“So do you know why I called you into my office today?” Rosé asked.

The man shook his head. “No, sir.”

“Hm, well, I think my boyfriend over there might say something different.”

“B-boyfriend-?” He stuttered nervously.

“Yes, boyfriend. He says you had some interesting things to say about him. Is that true?”

“Well, I mean-it was just a joke! He’s just-he’s not something you see everyday!”

Rosé shrugged casually. “Well, if that’s how you treat someone who’s a different from you then I can’t see you having much of a future at this company. We don’t tolerate any bigotry here.”

“But-“

“I don’t want to hear it,” he said, standing up, “please,pack your things and see yourself out. Your final paycheck will be in the mail.”

“Sir, please,” he tried, Rosé waving him off.

“You’re fired. Please see yourself out immediately, if you fail to do so and I have to call security to escort your pathetic ass out, I will personally make sure you never get hired anywhere ever again.”

“Yes, sir,” he replied, keeping his eyes on the floor as he escorted himself out, ignoring the smug little look on Denali’s face as he slammed the door.

“Come here, baby.”

Denali crossed the room, straddling Rosé’s lap in his desk chair, kissing him right below his earlobe, nipping slightly at the skin there. “Thank you, daddy.”

“Anytime, baby. I’m so sorry you had to hear those things. You know that I love you, right? I love everything about you.”

“I know,” Denali sighed dreamily, settling against his chest, “I love you too.”

“How about we blow this place off and I take you shopping and to a nice lunch, hmm?”

“Really?”

Rosé chuckled. “Of course, baby, you deserve a little something special.”

Denali leaned up to kiss him, throwing his arms around his neck, whispering in his ear when they pulled apart. “You’ll get a little something special when we’re all done too, daddy.”

[quinloki]

omg it's so hard to be a responsible adult and not stay up and have my little daydreams while I listen to music xD and I unfortunately have to work tomorrow since our company doesn't consider it a holiday T_T I'm glad I could send you something in return to kill you bc you always kill me <333

I think I can officially say I got the sabo brainrot, damn (jk)

omg okay so I was also thinking how you'd meet ace and I'm like duh school a man like whitebeard would prolly want his sons to go out and experience the world especially if they're running a major business! and I'm like omg imagine ace in college it opens up so many dumb shenanigans that you both have so much dirt on eachother and you really give him a good wack when you find everything out because you overlooked so much it made you mad! like ace would always treat for meals or drinks and you obvi talked about his job after college, but he never mentioned WHERE he was going to work in a mailroom!! or that it was his dad's company!! that bastard

lolol and for some (mild) tension you meet shanks and he is just like heavyyyyyy flirting and izou finds it hilarous how annoyed sabo and marco look (and pops is like leave my future daughter in law alone xDDDD)

the tension in that hotel room after everyone is aware of the shower xD throw in a little bickering over who should sleep where, bc obvi you're so shaken up right? and they argue over who's bed you should sleep in so they can comfort you >>

the polycule would be interesting I won't lie idk how the dynamics with those two in particular would be tho bc honestly they give me such similar vibes sometimes. I mean I read sabo/reader/ace sometimes but ace is a puppy dog so it's a different dynamic >>

I could picture like, sabo does the more dangerous work, so you're officialy dating marco the ceo and you get dressed up and go to events with him but sometimes his little brother offers to take you home bc you're soooo tired from interacting with all those business peeps and sabo is just such a good younger brother to take care of his bro's girlfriend such a gentleman (nvm that you're going back to sabo's room and not marco's) like rather than a poly they just both share bc you couldn't pick they're just both too good IDK MAN I JUST WANT THEM BOTH SO BAD T_T

ok but the riskiest part of being the weakness is the fact that pops basically parades you around and calls you his daughter in law and nobody can figure out exactly what it is that got him to favor you so much but you run with it when you need to (like when ace/luffy are being a little shit)

also random thought before anyone officially starts dating, you start going to events with ace bc you get hired for the company or something (maybe ceo's secretary >> since ace is gonna be the boss someday!!) and people just assume you're dating and when pops calls you the daughter in law they're like oh congrats to the lovely couple and you both just look at eachother disgusted bc ew, no (like you'd also rather lick his face than anything romantic bc you've seen him eat food off a bar floor and other disgusting habits and absolutely not) and then everyone is just confused (incoming shanks flirting at that moment sounds perfect xD) then you realize getting called the daughter in law means pops has some idea of what's going on and now you have to figure how much and how mortified you should be

So there's a comic out there called something like Him & Him & Him, that's basically a girl and three guys (an uncle and twin nephews), and it's porn with a dash of plot, but I like the way it was done. That comic makes me think of what Sabo x Marco x Reader would be.

Which, to make it concise, in the comic, the lady marries the uncle legally, but all of them live together, and it's like you were saying "Oh what a good brother he is, looking out for Marco's fiance like that."

So yes, yes I like that head canon very much. We were going to split this into two different Pick One endings, but fully polycule works too.

It certainly turns into Two Against One though, cause in this situation the reader is the puppy dog >.>

Gods the kink and dynamics I could explore....

heck, Kaz, HECK I already have plenty to work on but this is killing me. Marco brainrot is real, and Sabo is just rushing the gates I swear, and now all this - ALL THIS DELICIOUS chatter and idea swapping and head canoning and world building KAZ I NEED TO WRITE THIS.

The world can blame you, I'm making notes, it's going into the primary rotation. I'll finishing Birds of a Feather and put this in its spot and I hope you're happy (affectionate).

I love the secretary idea too and the misunderstandings XD

And I think Pops likes the reader because she's a capable fighter, and not afraid to defend people, and also his sons want to protect her and he's like "Yeah, no, I get it." but less romantic and more "This smol creature reminds me of Ace and I love them both." sort of thing XD

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Miami Vice: Calderone's Return (Glaser & Colla, 1985)

This series has been defined in part by its maddening roster of guest stars, with the likes of Bruce Willis, Pam Grier and Dennis Farina in memorable turns, to name a few. I'm into the second season now*, but I wanted to come back to this one, as one guest star in particular has lingered in my memory: Jim Zubiena, who plays the assassin hired by Calderone to a number of his enemies, including Crockett. Zubiena, a professional shooter initially hired to teach Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas proper weapons handling**, was pushed into the role by Michael Mann, and his non-actor background plays a big part in his effectiveness in the role. Those other guest stars bring to their roles their presence, bringing their personalities and star qualities to the material. One of the reasons Willis is so memorable in his episode is that his formidable charisma is applied to a character so unheroic. (A weapons dealer who sells to terrorists and beats his wife. Just a bad guy in all respects.)

Zubiena does not have the same star qualities, so instead he brings a certain absence, of charisma, of distinguishing features, leaving only an eerie blankness. No humanity, all killer instinct and craft, a pure instrument of death. His appearance, curly hair, shooting glasses and a slight smile, causes any facial features to recede into the nondescript. His lack of allegiances, having worked every side of every conflict, give him a sense of total amorality. Even his weapons handling (the deployment of the Mozambique drill, heretofore unseen on television, and holding guns overhand to control the recoil) is simultaneously unusual and practical, operating on a hidden logic not spelled out to the audience, like the imminence of death in an Italian horror movie. Even when he's not on screen, he haunts the proceedings, a spectral presence with an unsettling void at his centre.

Unlike Brother's Keeper, this aired in two parts, with an interesting diptych structure, both halves being punctuated by off-kilter, unceromonious violence and ending with songs featuring soaring vocals (Russ Ballard's "Voices" in the first part, Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do With It?" in the second). There is plenty to enjoy in both, but as Zubiena only appears in the first, and the second depends on a relationship between Tubbs and Calderone's daughter that can't be fully fleshed out in the runtime, I can't help but prefer the earlier half.

*I've found the series almost uniformly excellent, with only two subpar episodes so far. "Made for Each Other", which makes the mistake of foregrounding the comic relief characters of Switek and Zito and as such plays with little tension, although it does provide the scene where Noogie's stripper girlfriend grabs him by the ears and shouts in his face "I wanna see Mickey Mouse!" And "Nobody Lives Forever", in which Crockett (re)learns the age old lesson of putting one's bros before their hoes, and which has the misfortune of coming after "The Home Invaders", which features more unpredictable and sadistic villains (and shows Castillo crack a case in real time), and before "Evan", which explores Crockett's vulnerability much more interestingly and tackling the subject of homophobia with unexpected sensitivity.

**Apparently Johnson took to it better than Thomas, and this was a motivation behind the latter's weapons of choice. You can hear Zubiena talk about the experience here.

[artisticbunny]

(Tiredsleepytiredsleepyboredtiredsleepyboredsleepy—)

Right HELLO! I been out for a few days haha sorry ya missed me! Saturday’s my off day and I went to an art museum yesterday to see my works! (And the many others) Also been working on my hair a lot this weekend and stuff to get it done and out the way for the next month, so sorry I’m late! But I’m here now!

So! In regards to your ✨wonderful✨ tale of Whispering Willow, how about some Corey lore?! (I know I’m going for like all most abstract guys lol I was gonna make a joke in regards to fractions but later—) Half dead, ALSO BETRAYED BY HIS TEAM! Big brain enough to have a potion on hand tho! Ôwô

Was it in cold blood this time!? It sure smells like cold blood bro. No way that was fraud or frame or lies!! HIS TEAM LEFT HIM FOR DEAD!! AHHHHHHHHHH I CANT!

(But gosh dang I hope I’m wrong at the same time lol. Also writers block utterly terminated! Yeah! Random Bonus question too tho: anything ur working on currently? Just school or something more? If it’s a secret that’s cool of course, but if it’s shareable I’d like to know! :D Oki I’ll buzz off now lol I need to finish an essay before I get marked down ^^” keep being awesome as always! Love ya Bun! <333)

Sorry for how long it took to answer this!!! I’ve been busy too >w<

Tw for gore, because Corey DEFINITELY didn’t get away unscathed!!!

Cory’s story isn’t super complex, they mostly just wanted to provide for their family!

Corey was an adventurer for hire, in simplest terms. He would go and join other adventuring teams for short quests. They never really stuck with a single group for longer than one or two quests, always on the move, and only taking a fairly small cut of the reward as compensation. Corey’s mentality is that others have families they need to feed too, he doesn’t need as much for his small family than others may need for theirs. His family consists of his mother and his little sister. he loves them dearly. Corey knows the work they do is dangerous, but he genuinely enjoys what he does, and is the main breadwinner of his family.

When Corey was betrayed and left for dead in Dread Caverns, everyone thought they died. His mother and sister were distraught. They tried to murder him so they could have just that little bit more of the money. It was their greed that pushed them to commit murder. Obviously, they told the guild it was an accident in the cave that lead to his death.

Though nobody knew, Corey WAS still alive, technically. He tried for months to find a way to get out, but with his limited range of movement, it proved too difficult to climb out of the caves on his own. Though there was ONE good outcome from his being betrayed: now having no heartbeat, he was basically invisible to the beasts that roamed the cave system. The same beasts that feed off of the fear of their prey. The first person to find him came soon after they realized this. Some random adventurer, trying to collect minerals and resources from the cave in order to study it’s properties. Corey tried approaching this person to ask for help, but as soon as he stepped closer, they freaked out. Corey is, quite literally, walking death. He has his head smashed in, cuts all over him, his lip split in half, dried blood running down his face, and even the limping walk of a zombie. To be completely fair, seeing him come at you in a dark cave like that, I don’t really blame the guy for practically pissing his pants! It doesn’t really help that Corey is partially mute, only really able to get out short sentences at a time, so on top of it all, he was completely silent walking forward XD

The adventurer practically bolted out of the cave after that, and told the guild. Thus birthed the rumor of the “King of Fear”, believed to be behind the properties of Dread Caverns.

Many would come over the next few years, none of them willing to listen to reason. They tried to kill Corey. Out of self defense, Corey ended up killing them.

He would rack up quite the kill count before Brook came along. Corey hates what he’s had to do, and hates that he’s begun to kind of like it in a twisted weird way. They hate themself because of this. They feel evil. They think they’ve started going insane. Being isolated in the dark for years with only the occasional battle, it was akin to torture.

Brook, even while terrified out of her mind, was the first one to actually stop and listen to him. She helped him to escape and finally see the light of day after years underground.

Here’s the boy!!!

To answer your last question, yeah I’m mostly working on schoolwork right now haha! But I’m also working on a new profile picture since the one I have currently was originally made for Halloween XD I’ll finish it soon and post it for you guys to see when it’s done!

[tigers-eyes-26]

i love your mario bros stories. have you ever thought of a couple ones where the bros talk about the trauma they endured to their family (Who may have regrets themselves and mend the fence with them.) or maybe one that's like an aftermath based on the work one where Spike tries to get them back (not realizing the boys had already moved) and he's stuck dealing with some livid relatives and parents (Who decided to take a page from mario's book and not let people like him walk all over them again, especially for being a family of immigrants. nobody deserves that.)

Thank you for enjoying my stories.

My philosophy is if there is something you want to see in the world create it. I just wanted some extra scenes in the movie so I wrote some.

Those are good ideas. No, I haven't thought of it.

Eveyone deals with trauma in different ways. And i don't think i could come up with what the boys and family would say about the subject, and be happy about it. There is just sooo many ways it could go.

So I leave that up to the reader to think about how the family took in the info about their adventure in the Magical world. I wrote their Papa's reaction but not a look into all the families thoughts.

I also didn't write the dialogue what they shared with their family. Did they share all the little details or did they leave out the details. The reader can decide.

Dialogue is hard sometimes. 🤔😬🫣🤗

about Spike

I think after seeing the bros get magical powers and beating up a dragon-turtle I don't think Spike wants to mess with them anymore. And i don't think he would want them back because they are more trouble than they are worth. "If I hire you guys again you might bring other-worldly crazy things around me and i don't want that!"

Ya the family is mad at Spike. But they feel like they can't do anything about it. It could just be labeled as a work accident. They work in construction its a hard manual labor that people sometimes get hurt at work.

I know They secretly loved that Mario punched Spike. But that could also get him and them in a lot of trouble with the police and lawsuits so they don't encourage it.

In my stories I don't think the family and Spike come in contact very often. That might not be realistic to their community tho.... Idk

I could see their Mama hitting Spike with a wooden spoon.

If any of their family saw Spike in the wild they would probably say "What's a matter with you!?!" Then go on a long rant. Idk what the words of the rant would be but it would make Spike uncomfortable for being called out. Thats maybe how they can get retribution? 💁🤷

Anyways thank you for reading my stories and taking the time to ask me about it.

😃👍Best regards.

[violetsystems]

I got a text yesterday from someone who I haven’t talked to since November. Completely acted like my birthday didn’t exist but totally into telling me someone from eight years ago or more said “hi.” A drum and bass music promoter and liquor industry luminary. Somebody who literally knows my entire backstory and is still friends with my ex boss as a musician. Knows I was put out of work by that same person. They just act like everything is normal and it’s sketchy. Waiting to confidence trick you back into a life that bankrupted and killed some of our friends. (Lookup MC Blackeye.) The last time I saw this person was back in 2014. I ran in a 5k for gun violence before I left for Japan draped in a gyakusou windbreaker and they magically showed up and outpaced me. I also recently applied for a bunch of jobs in Japan or with Japanese companies so it’s fishy. Nobody texts me. Barely anybody acknowledges I exist or quit drinking. None of those people support my music. It’s like everyone wants to get the band back together but they want to get you drunk, fucked up and ruin your life first before they offer you a lifeline. I need to get out of here completely if these people from my past don’t stop leaving me alone. Just a fucking mob of nostalgic assholes who want to bury the real narrative and start over. Same old old boy club dance music bullshit. I need a job not a music networking opportunity with a bunch of geriatric jungle bros. Thank Rishi Sunak for that one. In space? Nobody will read your tumblr and figure it out. Bass from the subs is too loud for them to hear your cries for help I guess. Maybe you should hire an emcee. Drink tickets don’t pay rent. Neither does the word “hi.” You can tell Goldie I said that yourself. I’d tell Kode 9 myself but he blocked me on Twitter years ago. Maybe go back and do the math columbo before trying to get me to show up for your drum and bass revival benefit. You can’t pay me enough to charm snakes. Music industry out here is worse than a cult. C list local promoters are worse than purgatory. 🐍

[soulacthemaniac]

You ever play Uno?

And you put down the reverse card?

And you wish you could do that in real life?

Bam! Uno reverse card

Alright, alright, let me explain the rules here

If I lay this card down, I can flip any situation around

Okay, so, one night I was getting pulled over by the po-po

Looked into my rear-view and saw the deputy

He asked if I knew why I was in trouble, sir

I ain't Obi-Wan Kenobi, I ain't got telepathy

He asked if I was drinkin', he started givin' orders

"Say the alphabet backwards" I can't say it forwards!

"Son, you fit the description of a neighborhood prowler

So I'm taking you to jail, have fun in the showers" (nope)

Bam! Uno reverse card

I'm placing you under arrest for the worst charge

Now, I'm taking you to county in your squad car

On the way, I'll do a couple donuts in your front yard

I'ma take your paycheck and buy some fireworks

The illegal kind that they smuggled in from Mexico

Turn the siren on, run some red lights, maybe hit a fruit stand

Sorry, I was textin' bro!

Bam! Uno reverse card

I lost the keys to these cuffs, that's the worst part

If I lay this card down, I can flip any situation around

It goes bam! Uno reverse card

I just hit a flower pot in the church yard

If I lay this card down, I can flip any situation around

Alright, here's what happened

I was at a job interview at Applebee's

I was so broke, it was probably my worst year

With the manager, she smelled like gasoline

And had an attitude, she said "Why do you wanna work here?"

"I eat cheerios with tap water, I'm so broke

I need money desperately" is what came to my head

"I wanna be on the team, I've always dreamed of

Working at Applebee's so much!" is what I really said

She said "Will you do whatever's required?"

I said "Absolutely, " she said "You're hired"

Bam! I hit her with that Uno reverse card

You work for me now, lady, and you're fired

I spent the next couple hours eating spinach artichoke dip

In the back office with my door closed

Then I kicked it with the dishwasher

We slacked off, smashed plates, and we broke a bunch of soup bowls

Bam! Uno reverse card

I'm just livin' man, I don't wanna work hard

If I lay this card down (ay), I can flip any situation around

It goes bam! Uno reverse card

I just coast through life on my surfboard

If I lay this card down (uh-huh), I can flip any situation around

Hi, Mom, I'm finally on TV!

I'm a guest on the Maury Povich Show

Meh, nobody in the audience likes me

Kinda sucks, but they don't know me though

See, my ex is here and she told everybody

I'm the baby daddy and she wants every dollar

So imagine my surprise when

Maury opened up the envelope and said "You are... the father!"

Bam!

I ain't gotta say it, you know what the words are

Sorry, Maury, that kid is yours

Good luck paying that child support (bam!)

If there was an Uno reverse card emoji I would be spamming that right now.

[kuiperblog]

So, I will begin by saying that I am not really on the side of the poster who is trying to score internet points in some anti-DCEU fandom war by saying "franchise bad because franchise used stock images in its marketing!" That is a pretty weak dunk.

But the response to this dunk is even weaker, because as I read it, it's not even responding to what the original tweeter was dunking on. You know when you see an argument that is so weak that it actually makes you want to defend the other side? This is one of those moments. And steelmanning is a fun intellectual exercise, so let's do some of that today: here's why dunking on Warner Bros for using Getty stock images in their marketing for a cheap laugh actually makes sense.

"Stock photos exist to be used," yes.

But I think the same can be said of stock music, right?

Like, if you spend a lot of time on certain parts of YouTube, particularly in the world where you have people who are trying to be "professional YouTubers" but who also work with small production budgets. I'm talking about the sort of "workhorse content creators" who are making a living by uploading a video every week.

What do you do, as someone who is "taking this seriously" and wants to use music properly and legally to avoid a copyright strike, but without the budget to get a custom soundtrack for your channel? You turn to Kevin MacLeod, of course.

It's not always literally Kevin MacLeod, but he's probably the man who has most "made a name for himself" by releasing all of his music under a Creative Commons Attribution license, meaning that you can use any of the music in his vast library of music just by giving him a proper credit in the video description (or, alternatively, by paying a $30 licensing fee).

And, as a result, you hear his music in a lot of videos. If you, like me, spent years in the aforementioned part of YouTube, you probably recognize some of these:

I also used to spend a lot of time playing super small indie games. When I say "super small indie games," I'm not talking about $10 Steam games; I'm talking about the sort of games that someone made for a weekend game jam and then uploaded to itch.io, or made by colleges for their undergraduate "game development" class. I've also been known to participate in game jams myself from time to time. Between that and YouTube, I've spent a lot of time listening to royalty-free music. Some tracks just live in my head, and I instantly recognize them. And sometimes I encounter these tracks out in the wild.

My local independent cinema has their own little branded "bumper" that plays at the beginning of every screening, where a bunch of stock graphics of film reels that appear on the screen to set the mood, accompanied by floating impact font delivering messages like "silence your cell phone." And every time that same bumper comes up, all I can think is, "that's one of the songs from the Garage Band sound library. I used it for a detective game I made in 2014."

I think it is totally fine and appropriate for my local independent theater to use the stock music that comes with Garage Band; they don't have the budget to hire Hans Zimmer, or license a Beatles song, or even pay some independent musician $500 to whip something up for them, and nobody cares about a 20-second bumper. As you might say, these stock tracks exist to be used.

But it would be extremely funny if I sat down in that theater, started watching the preview for a $200 million superhero movie, and then when Jason Momoa's face appeared on screen, they played music that I recognized from the Garage Band sound library.

If the official film score was incomplete when they were cutting in the trailer, and they instead ended up licensing a $30 royalty-free music track from the same site where people go when they need muzak for a radio ad, that would be funny! You won't change that by saying "royalty-free stock music exists to be used."

Now, to be clear, this is not exactly like the thing being described by the tweet that is being criticized, but it is at least analogous:

When the promotional material for Aquaman is using stock images from Getty Images, I think it is at least a little bit funny! (The Getty Images watermark in the second image just makes for the perfect visual punchline, don't you think?)

I don't know what exactly "Getty Images" means to people who don't work in media or some other industry where you sometimes need to procure visual media, but there are lots of people who did in fact sign up for SquareSpace after hearing their favorite YouTuber or podcaster do an ad read for it, and to those people, they probably associate "Getty Images" with that thing on their CMS dashboard that lets them add an image to their website for a $10 fee.

So...really, the dunk here isn't that "they used image-editing software instead of having Jason Momoa pose in front of a shark," it's that a gigantic movie studio throwing around huge wads of cash is using the same image library as us plebeians.

Think about the emotional valence of the president of the United States hosting a White House dinner and serving the guests McDonalds. The comedy lies in the contrast: "Hey, shouldn't the POTUS be hosting a White House dinner with fare that's a bit more...sophisticated than this?"

You cannot respond to that by saying, "McDonalds exists to be eaten, dummy! There is nothing funny about giving a McDonalds hamburger to a hungry person, because that's literally why their business exists!"

Well, yeah. But there are certain contexts in which you expect to encounter a McDonalds hamburger, and the White House is not one of them. (To be clear, I am not one of those people who thinks that McDonalds hamburgers are somehow "beneath the dignity" of the White House: when I say that "the image of McDonalds in the White House is funny," that is not a value judgment! I am just saying that you have to admit that it's at least a little bit funny!)

And this is what the flippant criticism seems to miss entirely:

This response does not even read as responding to the point made in the original tweet. Like, imagine if someone was talking about how it's funny that a movie trailer had a royalty-free stock music track, and then the response was, "hey idiot, the music is non-diagetic, of course an editor took an audio track and edited it in." That is a defense so weak that it isn't even addressing the criticism that is being made.

"did you think they actually photographed a dude chilling with sharks?" No. The tweet you are replying to was not complaining about the use of "photoshop" or "digital trickery," it was specifically calling out the use of stock photos from Getty Images that anyone can buy.

Here's what I think the post is gesturing at by specifically calling out Getty Images stock photos:

It's not unreasonable for someone to think that after spending $200,000,000 to make a movie about Aquaman swimming around underwater with sharks, they might have some production stills that look better than what you can buy on Getty Images for $200. You're telling me that this was the best image of a shark that they could come up with?

And look, I understand that you can very reasonably answer that question by saying "yes!"

I understand that the sorts of images that look good in the context of a movie don't always look good in the context of a movie poster. There's also the fact that all of the underwater stuff in the movie is CG, which means it probably looks worse than a photograph of an actual shark. The fact that the movie's sharks are CG also means that they're being worked on up until the eleventh hour, and these blockbuster movies have marketing cycles that take up the better part of a year, so it's even possible that the marketing team doesn't yet know exactly what the sharks in the movie will look like. And all of this is, to an extent, also fine because I understand that the purpose of promo materials like posters is to communicate a vibe more than to actually present the content of the movie. I get all of that. And yet...this defense also seems kind of tepid?

"Look, they had to use stock photography because the film's principal photography didn't get any images of actual sharks, because every single underwater scene in the movie was made in a computer, and those images look worse than photos." If that's the defense, it's kind of not doing anything to rebut the exact thing that the DCEU's critics are gesturing at when they complain about superhero films just being "CG slop."

That is, prima facie, an embarrassing admission: "we don't want to put the actual sharks from the movie on the poster because we wanted the poster to look good, and even though we spent $200,000,000 on this movie, the sharks that actually appear in our movie don't look as good as this photo we found on Getty Images." Absent any other context, that seems like the kind of thing that should get a round of mockery on twitter!

Lastly...value judgments aside, I think it's kind of funny to think that, yes, this film had a 9-figure marketing budget, and part of that $100,000,000+ budget included an invoice from Getty Images for the $200 they spent on this shark picture. The juxtaposition of that film budget with this line item is funny if for no other reason than the comedy inherent in any situation where you have an extremely large thing directly next to a very very tiny thing.