#‘f-ing’ makes more sense than ‘f-g’ like girl what are you doing

[theharlotofferelden]

Me: “I like minding my own business because I have enough problems without worrying how other people are having sex and also that’s just weird haha”

User roseslaces on tumblr dot com:

Me: “gee I like Christmas the vibes are impeccable and presints!!! Yay!!!!!”

User domina-honoribilia on tumblr dot com:

[happycoincidences]

Big Kpop question tag

I was tagged by @myeoning-call thank you!! ♥

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•Song That Got You Into K-Pop: Bae Bae by BigBang. I first clicked on Loser, I wasn’t feeling it completely but liked it enough to give them another chance so I clicked on Bae Bae, that one was on repeat for weeks. 

(Idk... I think I might seem like an older kpop fan but I got into kpop in 2015. I’m one of those people who when getting into sth they really dig further until the origin of a thing, especially when it comes to music. So I know a lot about 1st and 2nd gen too, and I am mainly a fan of 2nd and 3rd gen bc I’m more around the same age as late 2nd gen - 3rd gen kpop idols, we grew up around the same time so I relate to them the most. For reference I am 2 years younger than Gikwang (late 2nd gen) and Yongguk (early 3rd gen), same age as Ken (early 3rd gen) and Sunmi (late 2nd gen). I heard about Kpop before 2015 ofc but i was in an industrial/obscure electronic music fase before kpop)

• Song That Gets Stuck In Your Head: The Chaser by Infinite is an earworm

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• Fav. Male Group: When it comes to male groups, I make the distinction between ults and mains (ults are the most important, but “main” means I listen to them all the time as well, I just don’t feel as connected to them as people).

Ult: B.A.P, Highlight/Beast, iKON, VIXX

Main: BigBang (they were my first group which is special but I feel less connected to them than with my ults), SHINee, TVXQ/JYJ, H.O.T, SuperM, NCT (WayV mainly), 2PM, Super Junior, Block B 

• Fav. Female Group: Wonder Girls, 2NE1, f(x), Orange Caramel, Brown Eyed Girls, 9Muses, Ladies’ Code, T-Ara, Kara, 3ye

• Fav. Underrated Male Group: “B.A.P we didn’t deserve them”  <- agreed!

• Fav. Underrated Female Group: Spica

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• Fav. Male Soloist: Lee Gikwang, Taemin, Bang Yongguk, G-Dragon, Jonghyun, Woodz, Ash Island (last one is actually khh, and Yongguk used to be kpop but I guess he’s more khh now)

• Fav. Female Soloist: Lee Junghyun (her debut album “Let’s go to my Star” is my favourite kpop album actually!), Sunmi, BoA.

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• Fav. Male Choreography: Drip Drop by Taemin is a classic for me + So many other Taemin performances.

• Fav. Female Choreography: Paradise Lost by GaIn, another one would be 24 hours by Sunmi.

(-> I generally like solo or pas de deux (duo) more than entire group choreographies, it grabs the heart more imo. Tbh as I’m writing this I have ballet performances in mind when it comes to touching you emotionally through dance. Kpop dance has some impressive tricks but it isn’t particularly emotional, which is what’s most important to me)

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• Fav. Subunit: Orange Caramel!! (and WayV if that counts)

• Fav. Senior Male Group: H.O.T if we’re talking about disbanded senior groups, TVXQ/JYJ, Super Junior and Sechskies if we’re talking about still active senior groups.

• Fav. Senior Female Group: Brown Eyed Girls

• Fav. Disbanded Male Group: B.A.P ♥

• Fav. Disbanded Female Group: Wonder Girls and 2NE1 ;;;;

• Fav. Band: N.Flying

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• Fav. Male Rookie: Idk.. Oneus maybe? I listen to them casually. (I consider them rookie)

• Fav. Female Rookie: 3ye (They debuted in 2019, to me that’s still rookie)

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• Fav. Male Dancer: Highlight/Beast Gikwang, SHINee Taemin, B.A.P Jongup

• Fav. Female Dancer: BoA

• Fav. Male Rapper: B.A.P Bang Yongguk

• Fav. Female Rapper: Brown Eyed Girls Miryo

• Fav. Male Vocalist: iKON Junhoe (he has a very unique and ‘harsh/rock’ voice for kpop, my fav voice in kpop), VIXX Jaehwan (Ken), Highlight Yoseob and Gikwang (Gikwang has a good voice but it’s not the most powerful one, but I just really love hearing him so.. :)) ♥♥)

• Fav. Female Vocalist: 2NE1 Bom

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• Fav. Male Debut: Warrior by B.A.P, 7th Sense by NCT U

• Fav. Female Debut: 와 (Wa) by Lee Junghyun

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• Fav. Music Video: The Closer by Vixx !! 

Honorable mentions: Yamazaki by Bang Yongguk, We are the future by H.O.T , Mirotic + Rising sun + O -正.反.合. (정반합) by TVXQ, Lies + Haru Haru + Last farewell by BigBang (those MVs bring me back to when I was a teenager, the low rise jeans, the pink Motorola flip phone.. one of my friends had the exact same one at the time), One Shot + Skydive by B.A.P., Mystery by Beast (both the official mv and their self-made mv) + Adrenaline by Beast/Highlight (a very basic mv but I instantly become happy when I watch it)

• Fav. Underrated Song: The Closer by Vixx, again! Also Outside Castle by H.O.T, Copy and Paste by BoA, Dear. Rude by JeA ft. Cheetah, She’s gone by G-Dragon, and Hikikomori by Bang Yongguk(♥)

• Fav. Male B-Side: Obsession + Divina Commedia by G-Dragon, Blind + 주소서 (Pray) by B.A.P, Love me do + Silence + Trigger by VIXX, Sexuality by Taemin...  

• Fav. Female B-Side: Ca teint moi + GX 339-4 by Lee Junghyun (!! the entire Let’s go to my Star album is a no skip for me), Wonder Girls: almost all of the Reboot Album...

• Fav. Comfort Song: (Most comfort songs are either by B.A.P or by Beast/Highlight because they’re the ults of the ults lol)

B.A.P: Save me, Diamond 4 ya, almost the entire Noir album (+ Ya by Bang Yongguk)

Highlight/Beast: Lightless (unplugged version), Sad movie, Curious, Danger, Sleep Tight

Some H.O.T and TVXQ songs

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Top 5 BG + Fav. Song/s:

B.A.P: Young, Wild and Free (my very first Bap cb and their very first cb after the hiatus and law suit), the entire One shot EP, Power, Feel so Good, That’s my jam, Warrior, Unbreakable, Badman, Excuse me, 1004, Bang X2, Hands up + the ones I’ve mentioned above (+ many of Bang Yongguk’s solo stuff)

Highlight/Beast: Plz don’t be Sad (<- always makes me happy), Breath, Bad Girl, Mystery, Shock, Special, Fiction, Shadow, Good Luck, Celebrate, Love like this, Not the End, Disconnected + the ones I’ve mentioned above (+ many of Lee Gikwang’s solo stuff)

iKON: Killing me, Rubber Band, Bling Bling, Ah Yeah, Dive, Why Why Why, Dumb & Dumber, B-day, Rhythm Ta, I’m Okay

VIXX: The Closer, On and on, Voodoo, Secret Night, Black Out, Hyde, Light up the Darkness, Love me Do (actually produced by Yongguk and it does sound like it could’ve been a B.A.P song♥), Rock ur body, and almost the entire Eau de Vixx album

BigBang: Blue, Bae Bae, Tell me Goodbye, Lies, Last Farewell, Haru Haru, Café, Fantastic Baby, Bad Boy, Let’s not fall in love, Beautiful hangover, La la la, Last Dance (+ many solo songs by G-Dragon, T.O.P and Taeyang)

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Top 5 GG + Fav. Song/s:

Wonder Girls: basically the entirety of the Reboot album, So Hot, Tell me, Why so lonely, Like this, Like money (the version without Akon), and last but certainly not least So Hot + I Feel You (band version♥)

2NE1: Crush, Come back home, Hate You, Can’t Nobody, I love you, I am the Best, Don’t stop the music, Fire, Goodbye (;;;)

f(x): Pinocchio (Danger), Mr. Boogie, Nu Abo, Hot Summer, 4 Walls, Chu, La Cha ta, Electric Shock, Lollipop (ft. SHINee) 

Orange Caramel: Abing Abing, Catallena, My Copycat, Lipstick, Gangnam Avenue, Shanghai Romance, A-ing

Brown Eyed Girls: Kill Bill, Sign, Cleansing Cream, Sixth Sense, Abracadabra, How Come

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Groups Planning to Stan:

A.C.E: (I listened to them casually for a couple of years but I want to get to know them better and I’ve been binging a lot of ace videos these past 4-5 months.)

After School: (I LOVE Orange Caramel, but for some reason I never listened to the main group’s songs)

Infinite: (been wanting to for years, I know a good amount of songs and been listening to them for years but yeah)

(These 3 groups feel like they have the potential to become fav groups of mine.)

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I tag: @alldayxia @fashionbitchgd @epiphanicwiring @larktrash @novararavis @224-12​ @skyisfull​

[honeylikewords]

(P1) The pilgrim thing got me really disappointed!! Because they LITERALLY SAID!!! HE WAS GONNA BE FIGHTING A*T-RIGHT PEOPLE THIS SEASON!!!! I feel like this is a big let down to a lot of the people who were looking forward to frank, a character who is commonly misconstrued as an a*t-right figure himself to deny that once and for all, namely the fans who belong to minority groups (myself included) as well as the issue with the last I know they were doing it as a little easter egg by

(P2) recreating that one image from the comics but they could have put it in a better situation because a)those criminals were in fact rather young and the fact that the perfectly fit the "thug" stereotype is iffy at BEST. Because it also brings up something that was talked about in luke cage/defenders (a character I mcfrikken love) that black boys who are just trying to feed their family end up getting killed/beaten within an inch of their life meanwhile the white vigilante gets off free

(P3) (I know I'm writing a lot I apologize but m feeling heated ab thjs) because truly they looked roughly the same age as Amy. I will say I enjoyed his brotherly jokes with curtis (shout out to that man for dealing with his dumbass and not killing him for all the stress he causes him akdjsk) and the times he showed true care and softness (ie ACTUAL FRANK CHARACTERIZATION) towards amy. Im also iffy about the fact that he let a guy who peddles child porn go? S2 of dd he killed a dude doing that

Okay, first of all, don’t worry about apologizing, it’s TOTALLY fine to be heated about this. The media we consume is reflective of the thoughts and beliefs of the people creating it, and can influence the thoughts and beliefs of the people consuming it. As such, we SHOULD be heated about the content we see and create; it has impact and influence, and it matters that we call out issues when we see them, and remain intensely scrutinous of what we’re being shown. No need to be ashamed of that.

Second, I’m going to answer each point or comment made here in list format, just to try and keep things organized. Because it’d be really easy for me to spin out and start ranting, and I want to keep this cohesive and legible.

1) The letting Pilgrim live thing was just... so unimaginably stupid. They talked about him being a major antagonist and yet he played no important role in the series at all. From a functional, story-based level, the entire Pilgrim-Schultzes plot needed to be cut. It was convoluted, unnecessary, and wasteful, while also managing to be confusing and just flat out boring. Pilgrim wasn’t even an interesting character! He was just a waste of screentime! The two plots of Billy and Pilgrim were always fighting for attention, and it distracted from the linear progression of the show.

But on a more fundamental and moral level, it was also just... so, so bad to display him as an alt-r*ght neo-N*zi and just... let him live. As if he had an excuse. As if he was “equitable” to Frank because his weird little Christian fundamentalist wife died and he had two kids (off topic, but Lemuel is a horrible name).  As if I was supposed to feel bad for him. As if I was supposed to sympathize with him, pity him. I don’t. And if I, a pacifist, soft-hearted, “forgiveness freely given” girl wouldn’t pity him, why on earth would a man like Frank?

It’s ridiculous. It’s shameful. Any piece of media that tries to “humanize” N*zis in a way where they are portrayed as sympathetic and “just people following orders” is disgusting. A N*zi chooses hate. A N*zi chooses bigotry. There is no mistake there, no human folly. That is choice and it is unforgivable. Pilgrim deserved to die, and that’s all I have to say about it.

2) I recognized that as a scene from the comics, an icon of Punisher-ing, but... You’re really, really right, and that’s something that worries me about Punisher and its fanbase. I’ve been stepping away from Punisher because I think it’s starting to cross the line into that territory; white vigilantism is, in many ways, a dangerous game to play, and when we start to romanticize white men with guns taking the law into their own hands and mowing down “thugs” (who, you are right to say, are usually just poor POC who are trying to make ends meet), we start walking a razor thin line.

Frank Castle in DD S2 was... different. This new Frank, this Punisher Frank? I don’t like him. And I don’t like what he stands for. Not anymore.

And I think the issue is that people like the idea of this big, bad white man with the guns calling all the shots, literal and metaphorical. And that scares me. Frank Castle is supposed to protect these infringed people, supposed to protect the downtrodden and oppressed. When he becomes a symbol and tool of that oppression, things get ugly, and things go wrong.

We can’t just excuse the inherent issues in something like Punisher just because we like Jon. I know I can’t. I have to ask these questions because they matter, and because it matters to me and to hundreds of thousands of other people who have to live with the fact that there is a chance that they could be shot down like that for no reason other than because someone decides their life doesn’t matter as much as, let’s say, a white one.

I know it sucks to bring politics into something we enjoy, but it also sucks that people have to deal with the real-life consequences of these issues. And it sucks that people see this show and idealize it, romanticize it, idolize the violence and the wickedness and the idea that they should be able to hold the scales of justice on their own and decide who matters based on their own personal whims.

The race discussion is very real with Punisher, and it’s a discussion we need to be having. We need to look at this critically and we need to see that, yes, there’s some very, very bad problems and some glaring issues. And we need to be honest about that, preferences all set aside.

3) Curtis Hoyle is a f*cking saint and deserves a break. He deserves it. (Also, what is going on with the show that they? Seemed to forget he has a prosthetic? He was leaping around and doing all manner of stunts as if he had both legs. Like... guys.)

4) Dad Frank was the only good thing about this season. Fight me.

5) The child p*rn thing upset me, too. I guess we’re supposed to infer that Frank is “growing” and not just killing whomever he pleases, and supposed to infer that he listens to Amy and wants to please her and not upset her, but... then he, like, murders anyone anytime anywhere after that. It seemed like they only showed the “growth” away from the urge to kill when it suited them, and it seems it only suited with regards to some of the lowest, most disgusting people ever.

Like, Frank takes the shot and kills Billy without even letting Billy say his final, dying words (which seemed to be an apology in the making?), but holds back from killing Pilgrim just because Pilgrim said “wait” and “I have sons”? Bullshit. Pilgrim and that child p*rn man should have died. End of discussion.

In the end, I guess I’d sum it up this way: Punisher season two lacks conviction. It wants to present the argument that things with Frank are complicated, but complicated just ends up coming across as nonsensical. Nothing about the show makes sense, there is no clear character development, every action is seemingly at random, and the plot is jumbled. The show can’t stick to anything without changing its mind, retconning itself into nothingness.

But worse yet are the implications of this jumbled mess; humanizing N*zis and white s*premacists, advocating the brutal violence of a white man with a gun as his own lawless lawmaker, and just a sort of devil-may-care attitude about what it means to be someone with power and exerting that over people who don’t stand a chance.

I have a lot of complaints, but I think, mostly, I’m just disappointed and sad. Frank deserves better than this. We deserve better than this.

We deserve heroes who will fight for what’s right. This Frank seemed to hardly know what on earth it was he was fighting for. And that makes me really, really frustrated.

(D/o/n’t r/e/b/lo/g, I don’t wanna get into any discourse, thnx)

[everythingelseisspokenfor]

imagine simon and baz adopting a little girl g o o d b y e I am deceased -🎹 (piano anon)

Oh my god! I literally abandoned all else to write this fic! I wanted it to be cute but turned out a little heavier than I hoped it to be. But I love it, so here it is. I’m posting it on ao3 as well, but thanks for the prompt piano anon!!

Simon

I can’t believe that people would still be this thick in 2017. I mean for god’s sake is being a little more open-minded that hard? The fact that we have to deal with homophobes even now. It’s not like it has anything with their lives, or that I have anything to do with their lives. And somehow, they still think they have the right to force their damned close-minded, narrow sighted opinions onto the world.

“Why would someone say that? Those bloody imbeciles! Why do they think they can?” I complain to Baz as we walk up to our apartment. It’s different living together now that we don’t hate each other anymore. But Baz claims he never hated me. And I don’t think I ever did either.

“Seriously Snow, chill out will you. It’s not like they can change you or me,” he says digging his pocket for the keys. “And there is nothing we can do to change them apparently.” He grabs the grocery bags from my hand and I walk in sideways through the door. The glamour keeps my red wings and devil’s tail out of the eyes of the normal but is still a huge pain in the ass. I’ve gotten more used to it though. I think one is bound to after nearly a decade with it. I can’t believe it’s been 10 years since Watford.

“But it’s just so frustrating!” I groan, “Couldn’t you have used your magic to smite them or something?”

“I can’t use magic outside just like that.” He shrugs like he just stated the most obvious thing in the world. Well, he kinda did. I mean yes, we aren’t just allowed to let people know about the existence of the World of Mages. Unfortunately. I mean how cool would it be if people knew dragons existed! Those poor souls obsessing over fantasy when we deal with it on a daily basis. Well, not anymore. Thankfully. “Besides, I didn’t carry my wand.”

“Liar. You always carry your wand with you.” I counter. He shrugs again. I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. I just hate that we live in such a world.”

“I know Simon. Me too.”

Baz

Simon leaves me to do all the preparation for dinner. Just like him. Too lazy to ever do anything. His go-to excuse is always My wings will just make a mess even if I don’t want to. Come on Baz! I can’t believe that I let it work every single time. What can I say? I’m weak, and head over heel for this git. I don’t even know why. I just pick out the onions from the bag when my phone rings. I jump at the sudden loud noise. I take second to check the caller ID before answering.

“Hello, Bunce.”

“Hey, Baz. I need a favour. Simon isn’t picking up.”

“Yeah, he’s in the shower. What’s it?”

“Yeah. I need you to go to Abbey Wood. There is some sort of incident there. I think it’s something Magical, and I’m in America. So, could you deal with that for me?” Penelope was the external coordinator for Watford now, which meant she dealt with all the magic-related things that took place outside the control of the world of mages. Simon and I help her out time and again.

“How urgent is it?” I ask.

“I’m not really sure. But it seems like things are going to blow up pretty soon. Some people are already there but they are barely holding it together. I need you to go now!”

“Okay. But you owe me one Bunce.”

“Thank you so much! I’ll text you the address.”

I drop the onions on the counter as Simon walks out dressed in his PJs. Head dripping wet. I grab the car keys as Simon gives me a questioning look.

“Somethings going on in Abbey Wood that they need my help with. Want to have dinner outside?”

“I don’t want to change!” He whines. I laugh and mutter a quick spell and change his current attire to a grey shirt and jeans. “So much for I can’t just use magic like that.” I give him a cocky grin and he walks in to give me a quick peck on my lips. And we walk out together.

There are more such incidents than you’d think there’d be in a busy city like London. So, the urgency of the situation doesn’t hit me till we reach Abbey wood and see the massive fire engulfing the church. I hit the brakes more suddenly than I intended to, Snow and I fall forward, and I rush to clutch out the seat belt and run outside.

“What the hell is happening here?” I pant out to one of the boys standing there.

“I’m not sure. There were a group of vampires that attacked the church I think. There were a few people here, but I don’t know where they are.”

I’m not listening to him anymore. I quickly reach my jeans pocket to grab my wand and shout, “Make a wish.” The fire only barely dies down. “Make a wish!” I shout again forcing more magic into the words, Simon quickly takes my side enquiring the boy. I try one more time. “Make a wish.” And the fire puffs out. Black smoke covers the entire building and I sprint inside without any warning. The smoke enters my lung and I start coughing. I can barely see anything, but I find myself walking anyway. “Anybody there?” I ask walking over a few people. I scoot down to check their pulse. Nothing. I take a deep breath which only causes me to cough more.

“Baz?”

“I’m here,” I reply, forcing my face to remain neutral. This is not something I was expecting to handle today. Simon scoots down next to me and places a comforting hand on my shoulder. I just nod and get up. “Anybody there?” I try again.

Simon

I hear a low whimper around the corner. I tap Baz’s shoulder and start walking towards the sound. I walk into the confession room in the corner. The smoke has died down considerably, so it’s easier to see. I open the door and find a little girl, probably six or seven, sat in one corner head against her knees, rocking back and forth.

“Hey,” I say mustering the most soothing voice I could put up. She jumps at the sound of my voice and coils further into herself. I take another careful step forward. “It’s okay,” I whisper. “We’re here to help. It’s all over now.” She is crying. Her eyes are puffy and red, and I can’t do anything to help. But I desperately want to. I kneel next to her. “What’s your name sweetie?” I notice Baz behind me.

“Lu –” She sobs. “Lucy” I flinch but recover quickly.

“Okay,” I attempt placing a hand on her little shoulder. “Let’s get you out of here? Okay? Can we do that?” She nods slowly grabbing her little seal toy.

“Mom?” She mutters slowly as she gets up.

“Your mom was here?” Baz asks, his voice deep and sorrowful.

“She –” Lucy sobs again, “She asked me to stay here then left.” I turn to look at Baz whose eyes widen, and I follow his gaze and realise why. There are 2 puncture wounds on her neck. She was bitten. Oh my god. Baz. I turn to face him again and notice him beginning to fall apart. Lucy walks out before I can stop her and walk over to one of the limp bodies scattered around.

“Mommy?” she scoots down shaking the woman’s shoulder. My heart breaks. “Mommy. The bad guys aren’t here anymore. Mommy?” She shakes her harder, one hand still clutching her soft toy. Baz becomes stiff. He doesn’t move. He just stares at the little girl and I notice his eyes filled to the rim glistening with tears. He doesn’t make an effort to wipe away the tear as it falls, and I don’t know if I should stay and comfort him or go to Lucy. I look back to her still trying to wake her mother up, and I instinctively walk there.

“Why isn’t she waking up?” She looks up at me and probes weakly. I look down at her little hand trying settled on her mothers and grab it slowly.

“Let’s get you out of here. Okay?” I try.

“NO!” She pulls her hands away! “NO! I don’t want to go without mommy. No!” I don’t know what to do. My face strains figuring out a way to break it to her that her mom can’t come. So I do the next best thing my good for nothing brain could think of. I pull her into a hug. She fights me for seconds before collapsing into me in tears. I move a hand to her hair placing a soft kiss on her head.

“It’s going to be alright.” I murmur. “It’s going to be alright.”

Baz

I couldn’t take it. It was too much. It brought back memories I wasn’t even sure I remembered. I froze. I was supposed to help, and I froze. I f***ing froze. Simon seemed to have a handle on the situation though. Thankfully. I watched as he carried the kid and walked over to me. He took my hand and squeezed it once before guiding me out as well. Coming to my senses I quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen. As we walk out we notice a few more people standing there with the boy we saw earlier. He leans forward and hands Lucy over to me. It takes me a while to understand, but I put my hand forward and carry her.

“Aleister Crowley, where the hell were you all?”

“We. Uh. We went to follow the vampires who had escaped.” One of them. A girl with blonde hair replied hesitantly.

“And none of you bothered to check for anyone else inside? What is wrong with you.” Their heads all ducked down in shame.

“We just… we didn’t think there was anyone in there!”

“Well. Think again,” He screams.

“Simon,” I warn. I didn’t realise I was rocking her till I heard a soft snore. He takes a deep breath composing himself.

“Fix up this mess and then go home.” He instructs and walks to me. “Are you okay?” He utters, and I nod.

“Can you drive? I don’t want to disturb her. And she probably needs some quiet.” He holds his hand out. “I don’t think I removed the keys from the car.” He nods and opens the door for me. I get in, trying my best not to wake the sleeping child in my arms. He closes the door walking to the driver side. We are both silent the entire drive.

Simon

When we reach home, Baz walked directly into the room and delicately placed Lucy on our bed and tucked her in. I stood by the door frame watching her cuddle into the blanket. Baz turned around, a weird sort of tiredness fixed in his eyes. I walked over to him and embraced him. I didn’t know how else to help him, and words have always failed me, so I wasn’t going to rely on them now. He buried his head in my chest and I could feel the wetness of his silent tears.

“Is she –” I ask pulling back a little, but I can’t complete the question. He nods then collapses over me again. Neither of us had our appetites anymore. But we found a comfortable position on the couch as I handed Baz a glass of water.

“What are we going to do with her? She just lost everything. And she doesn’t even know it yet,” Baz points out. He looks disoriented. Not something I see very often. I scoot in closer to him.

“I know,” I mumble. “We can’t just drop her off at an orphanage because she is… you know.”

“You can say it, Simon,” Baz huffs a laugh, “It’s not something offensive.”

“I know,” Is all I can say.

“What are we going to do?” He repeats and puts his head on his palms.

“Baz…” I start, “Do you want to, um… maybe we should… why don’t we… adopt her?” Baz’s head turns towards me in one sharp motion.

“This is not a joke Snow!”

“I know. I’m serious. Why not? She needs a home. And we have one.” He sits up straighter.

“That’s not all it takes, Simon. If it was just about providing a home, things would be much less complicated. Do you think either of us is ready to be a parent? You barely remember to put on your pants before you leave home.” I laugh slowly.

“I don’t think anyone is ever ready to be a parent. But I think we can make good ones if we try. She needs someone to help her Baz. And I really want to. It’s like you said. Her entire life collapsed in front of her. She needs someone to lean back on. And there is no one else right now who can understand what she is going through better than you. And I can try to not ruin everything.”

“Are you sure about this?” I nod. “Then I hope to god you’re right. Coz if Lucy becomes a rebellious annoying teenager, you’re going to have to deal with her.” I grin.

“Are you serious!”

“Weren’t you just advocating for us to adopt her? If you’ve changed your mind, I’m sorry. I’ll adopt her anyway.” He smiles one of his rare genuinely happy smiles. I grin wider and move in to kiss him.

“We’re going to be dads!” I squeal with my forehead against his.

“I guess we are.”

[likea-black-widow-baby]

~ Season 5 ~

Of course May’s been impaled and separated she’s not allowed to be safe for more than one episode

Oh they’re in the future, of course, I see some AOS writers are having a bullshittery contest

Stop hurting May challenge this gladiator arena is totally not radical

“Then marry me, Fitz”

gonna CRY

Are you telling me May adopted that tiny girl this is NOT ALLOWED

“I’ll stay here until you fall asleep” parallel with death WHY NO STOP THIS, WHY WOULD YOU GIVE MAY A KID AND THEN KILL HER

“I think I can go back to sleep now” how about instead of doing that, let’s not do that

Wait am I nuts or does that timeline not match up at all

So Kasais is just PG Ramse Bolton right

“You’d be that 7:30 curfew type mom... you know you’re proving my point with the face” Philindaisy feelings are HEAVY rn

Wait what do you mean Philinda isn’t endgame have I been mislead for five seasons

Who do I have to talk to about fixing this, there’s clearly been some sort of beurocratic fuck up

Maybe an editing issue, they cut the wrong parts. Like the one where Phil and May take some vacation time from SHIELD and go on a tropical holiday that’s not induced by a wack necromancy machine or Skynet

(Added after finishing the season) CALLED IT, BITCHES ^

“You’re just a cruel, sad, little, blue man” changing my Instagram bio just a sec

OMG THE “WOUNDED CHARACTER HIDES WOUND UNTIL THEY COLLAPSE” TROPE CO UL S O N NO

THIS IS NOT ALLOWED

this is my least favorite season

This wedding came out of nowhere but I could not be more relieved that it’s happening

Seeing May step in front of Phil and say “He’s not going anywhere with you” has made me crave a bodyguard AU

Daisy’s voice is what I like to call “head cold, but make it sexy”

Whatever the hecky dizzle is going on with Fitz manifesting the Doctor to justify shit is Weird and I’m chalking it up to bad writing

THE CONFEDERACY????

Fucking evil Ted Danson is back this show owes me another Peggy cameo

ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION??????? WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS SHOW

What’s with tiktok black widow and why does she irritate me so much

Is it because this season has about 12 plots and makes zero sense

Oh Christ Simmons believes in this invincibility shit too this is nuts

HOLYFUCKHOLYFUCKHOLYFUCKHOLYFUCKHOLYFUCKHOLYFUCKHOLYFUCK ANGRY “I LOVE YOU” FROM MAY FUCK IN G END ME

Deke king of consent

MDNKSNDIDNFI THE LEMONS IM CRYING AT PHIL AND MACK MESSING WITH DEKE THIS IS SOME 2012 AVENGERS FANFICTION SHIT

Elena you just murdered a teenager babe that was kind of not tubular

I can’t believe Coulson just triggered a lockdown because he didn’t read the terms and conditions

Haha Talbot looks like an overstuffed build-a-bear

Who in the Agents of SHIELD writers room said “You know what this season needs? Talbot, but with POWERS”

Actually, correction, they said, “You know what this season needs? Talbot.”

And they were WRONG

Bro Talbot just Whitney Frost’d that dude

Season six had better just be group therapy

JAKZLSNLABKSBKABODBKCBISUFWUFSJVDIBSKBSKBDKBDKBDKBDKVSJVSJVDVDJVSJVSKBDKDBKSBKBSKBDKBDKBFYCGCAGXATDATDYAFWUGEIGSYFWFYFWUWVUSWUFWUFYAAYFWYCWUVEIVEIHEOJODHDOHEIWUWVKSB

PHILINDA JUST GOT A SPECTACULAR KISS 10000000000/10

DAISY AND DEKE’S FACES IM CRY ING THAT WAS INCREDIBLE

“THOUGHT THAT MIGHT SHUT YOU UP” CALLBACK GOD F UC K

Okay this season gets ONE pass

Coulson is dying this season’s pass has been rescinded

Daisy said YEET

Wait Fitz

Fitz isn’t gonna die he’s in season 7 right

Fitz isn’t dead right

DID FITZ JUST DIE

Oh of course they’re going to find a way to bring him back, yeah he’s asleep in space goddamn this show

COULSON IS RETIRING????? I mean he deserves it but WHAT

Good god this is just like the funerals from The Fault in Our Stars because COULSON IS FUCKING DYING RIGHT FUCK FUCK FUCKING DUCK FUCKITY FUCK SHIT DAMN THIS “I LOVE YOU” BETWEEN PHIL AND DAISY

Wait he’s not saying goodbye to May

WHERES THE MAY GOODBYE

DID MAY NOT GET A GOODBYE WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

HOLY FUCK ITS BECAUSE SHE WENT WITH HIM

F uCk THAT HANDHOLD IM GONNA CRY

FUCK

New post again to spare you guys scrolling through long posts

GHOST RIDER????

“The legend of Peggy Carter”

Every time she’s mentioned, a year is added to my life

Hey what the bloody heck is this ghost thing about and why is May seeing Snapchat filter demons

Oh god I’m gonna hate seeing May like this

“May machine broke”

“Did you try turning her off and on again?”

My other cat has joined my binge

This season is wack

Giving SHIELD a public relations plot with a new white bread director was not a good idea

Fury would never tolerate this BS

ISODYNE??? LIKE FROM AGENT CARTER S2????? Bruh they had a scientist go ghost too but Jason never gave people visions

And he did a bit of touching I mean Peggy never saw demon faces

This would’ve been a good chance to tie in the zero matter since it has the same effect

This season is probably my least favorite

YO THEY ARE REFERENCING THE ZERO MATTER

Still, they’re adding a ton of new weird effects to an already batshit plot device

Oh great now Uncle Power Trip is the fullmetal alchemist

Omg are they building the containment cage thing that made Jason corporeal from Agent Carter

No they are not but Phil and Fitz are back so I am not complaining

First Cartinelli’s bottle of schnapps, now it’s Philinda’s bottle of... something I can’t spell. Alcohol is Marvel TV’s substitute for sexual tension huh

AOS just keeps coming up with more brutal ways to murder people don’t they. Fire chain through the chest, coughing up rough diamonds, self sacrifice in space-

Yesss slo mo Yo Yo!! All we need now is Time In A Bottle :,)

HEY AIDA WHAT THE HECKY DIZZLE ARE YOU DOING TO MAY

Not ANOTHER May double??? Wasn’t one enough!! WhY???

If robot May tries coming onto Phil I will be mildly disgusted

Oh shit she doesn’t even know she’s a robot that’s kinda cool

Okay this season is getting better as it goes on

Oh shit confirmed one sided Philinda

SHIT MAN

NOT EVEN THE SIDE I EXPECTED

AH

HOW MANY FUCKIN ANDROIDS ARE THERE????

holy shit he’s using May’s most traumatic memory against her this is BAD, BAD MAD SCIENTIST BAD

NSICHSIDJIEJFIF BILLY TALKING ABOUT QUAKE X BLACK WIDOW FANFICTION

Holy shit robo May was about to kiss Phil this is a TEASE

THEYJDOXKXKDOODHSIFJSIXJSIJFIDJFIFJODJDODJ

BRUH SO WE KNOW PHIL WANTS TO KISS HER TOO

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

May and Phil went on an undercover mission as husband and wife and they banter about his inability to remove her bra I am CRYING

Annnnd this season has gone back to weird territory

Hey what the DUCK is this Hydra AU and why I am I again being forced to look at Grant Ward

Even brainwashed Coulson can’t resist one-liners, that’s my man

So they made May into an entirely different person and as the rules of the universe has described it that shouldn’t be the case

Also I miss her

Oh thank god May’s turning against Hydra took long enough

Also way to nerf Madam Hydra

May just called Jemma “poptart” and I have never heard a more precious thing

THEY FUCKIN SHOT COULSON

And of course May is going to save him this is some Winter Soldier save-my-love-despite-lost-memory BS

Oh thank god they’re getting out of the framework I was about up to here with that

Give May one (1) break challenge

Every time May asks what happened with her robot self and Phil short circuits trying to avoid it my face gets hot

Also bless that May is allowed to yell and growl while she fights 11/10

I will never be sick of Fitzsimmons comforting each other

Christ of course Ghost Rider is back what IS this season

Why is PHIL Ghost Rider now?????

The whole team sticking their hands in the air at a breakfast counter is an entire aesthetic, looks like the last supper, and I want it as my wallpaper

WHY ARE THEY IN SPACE??

[herequeeranduncomfortable]

all the asks ending in 2, 3, 4? it's alot but *shrug* 💕

Tah nonny 💕

2: Zodiac sign: Aries

3: 3 Fears: failure,rejection, broken legs

4: 3 things I love:cats, fresh bed sheets, cronchy autumn leaves

12: What time I was born:pretty sure it was like 1am

13: Favourite colour:blue

14: DoI have a crush: lol nope, 200% not ready to deal with feelings for a while

22: Eye colour:green-y brown

23: Hair colour:brown

24: Favourite styleof clothing: jeans and t-shirt tbh, although I do love tight-ish tops withcircle skirts

32: Someone I love: Bestmate from home, Freya (we always say love you at the end of our phone calls)💚

33: My currentrelationship status: single pringle and not ready to mingle

34: My relationshipwith my parents: chilled? Don’t speak with them all that much when I’m at uni, butwe’ve never really fallen out over anything

42: When did I lasthold hands? Uhhhh Tuesday if we’re counting helping someone escape thedancefloor in a club, but romantically it was like mid-August

43: How long does ittake me to get ready in the morning? Depends, anywhere from half an hour to anhour and a half (only ever takes me that long when I wash my hair and then sitaround meme-ing in my towel)

44: Have I shavedyour legs in the past three days? Pffft try the past year- I get em waxed, but(tmi) they pretty damn hairy rn

52: When was the lasttime I hugged someone? Think it was Sunday? Saying bye to Freya when I lefthers, then my parents on my way back to uni? Might have hugged someone onTuesday tho and just not remembered

53: What if the lastperson I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? Wouldn’t reallycare tbh, last person I kissed I’ve only spent about an hour with and I’m notemotionally invested in him soooo

54: Is there anyone Itrust even though I should not? The more I think about it yeah, although that’sprobably just me being cynical- I’m really bad at putting all my trust inpeople, but at the same time I often trust too much and overshare with people Ishouldn’t😅

62: Do I prefertalking on the phone or video chatting online? Video chatting, so long as I don’tlook an absolute state

63: Do I believe inghosts? How about aliens? Ghosts not really, aliens kinda- the probability ofthere being alien life somewhere is just too high to ignore

64: Do I believe inmagic? Not really no, although I do hope it’s real

72: Can I touch mynose with a tongue? Ye boi

73: Is there anythingpink within 10 feet from me? Yeah my lamp is less than a foot away from me

74: Favourite animal?Caaaats- not just domestic ones tho, tigers are probably my all-time faves butpretty much all cats I adore😻

82: If the wholeworld were listening to me right now, what would I say? Stop being such dicks.  

83: Do I have anyrelatives in jail? Not that I’m aware of, but my dad has a lot of extendedfamily and it really wouldn’t surprise me if some of them were

84: I accidentallyeat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is thatthey endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? S H A P ES H I F T I N G (why is superpowers ever a question? Shapeshifting is the onlyvalid option ever, it’s basically the doorway to every other superpower??)

92: Kissed a girl?Ofc

93: Have I everkissed somebody in the rain? Nah, or maybe but I must have been drunk if I havebc I don’t remember

94: Had job? Ya,worked at a kids’ softplay, then behind the bar at a pub

102: Drank alcohol?What sort of a question is that?🍻

103: Am I avegetarian/vegan? Nah

104: Been overweight?Don’t think so

112: Broken a bone?Thankfully no

113: Cut myself? Never on purpose

114: Been to prom?Yeah, bit overrated tbh

122: Had oral sex? Nah

123: Dyed my hair?Yeah, dyed it purple-y in 6th form then black at uni

124: Voted in apresidential election? In the UK equivalent yeah (Jezza Corbyn ftw, although Ilive in a conservative stronghold so it was a wasted vote)

132: Been rejected bya crush? Nah, had very few crushes and I never have the guts to make a moveanyway (can’t get rejected if you don’t attempt to make a move ayyy)

133: Broken a mirror?Yeah

134: What do I wantfor birthday? Idk, I don’t even know what I want for Christmas :/ a sense ofpurpose? A full night’s sleep? Financial and emotional stability? Who knows

142: One of my scars,how did I get it? I have a scar on the right hand where I was bitten by a dog ata birthday party when I was about 8

143: Favourite pizzatoping? Probably olives, but goats’ cheese is also lush

144: Am I afraid ofthe dark? Not really, a bit if I’m on my own/outside/I’ve recently watchedsomething where someone’s been lurking in the shadows?

152: What do I likeabout myself- not a lot ngl, my eyebrows are about the only thing tbh and eventhey’re a state half the time

153: My closestTumblr friend- @flirtingwfailure 💕

154: Something Ifantasise about- having a pet of my own someday

[justforthisicon]

AN: Secret Santa fic for Persephie! I’ve been wanting to write a story for this underrated pair for years, and I’m glad I finally can. All the characters are in their correct grades, except for Gil, who had to be aged down a year to join them, being a college student and all pfft. Happy Holidays!

-

What Are Friends For

-

Maggie notices Odin and Ava standing across the hall. She skips over to them, grabbing each of their arms, chirping, “Ready to go?”

Ava nods, smiling, “Hey, Maggie!” “You s-seem happy a-about something,” Odin says, beginning to walk.

“It’s a Friday night, you think I’m not excited?” Maggie tells him. “I’ve been so bored the whole week, we need to get out and do something. Actually get out there!”

“So, the mall?” Ava asks.

Maggie pulls Ava close, pressing her cheek to hers, “You know me so well.”

Ava’s face tints a slight pink, “Heh, sure.”

Odin unlocks his vehicle within a few feet, Ava taking the passenger seat and Maggie in the back. Yawning, Odin gives his head a quick shake before starting the car.

“You tired?” Ava asks.

“S-Stayed up late. My b-brother had people over and, apparently, n-no one understands the c-concept of sleep. Had to c-clean the fucking kitchen this m-morning.”

Maggie leans forward, “I keep telling you, I can go in, seduce him, and then wha-bam—” Maggie slams her fist into her palm. “He’ll fall so in love with me, he wouldn’t be able to do anything to bug you.”

“You know Olai doesn’t w-work like that. And dammit, put y-your seatbelt on Mags,” Odin chastises. Once she buckles up, he asks, “What about Gil anyway?”

Maggie’s expression shifts to dreamy, sighing, “Ah, Gil… I’ve been thinking about asking him out.”

“H-Have you?” he asks, aware of Ava’s sudden tension.

“Yep, I thought about asking him to go to the movies or something. Just a casual date.”

Odin wonders if it will ever click into her head that Gil is gay. It’s something he’s wanted to bring up, on numerous occasions, that Gil has, and never will, have an interest in girls. It’s so apparent to every single person on the blasted earth, except one Maggie Lacivi. She either has a strong sense of denial or she simply has never considered that possibility. He knows Ava has wanted to bring it up as well, but the two of them know that trying to convince Maggie of anything, especially before she’s ready to learn, will make her more resistant.

She has to learn the hard way.

Arriving at the mall, Odin finds a parking space not too far from the entrance. The trio head inside the cool building, that odd smell of perfume, purses, and clothes never worn, in the air. It permeates the entirety of the vicinity, extending from store to store to store. Odin’s never quite understood how malls can have such a distinct flavor, but it does. Maybe it has to do with marketing. Like with food. Where retailers have smells going around to bring customers in, and then wha-bam, you’re spending two hundred dollars on a random item you don’t want. He should look that up.

“Hey, Odin?”

He breaks from his trail of thought, turning to Ava, “W-What’s up, babe?”

Ava blanks for a moment. She feels her face grow warm, and she tries to not think of how easy he said that. Nonchalantly, she holds up a blouse, “Do you think this looks good?”

Odin’s brows furrow, “I g-guess.”

“What’s wrong with it?” she asks, suddenly self-conscious.

He puts up his hands, waving them, “N-Nothing, I t-think red is m-more your color.”

Ava sifts through the blouses, finding a similar cut at the top, though with a bit more frill around the sleeves and hem, colored in a deep red. She holds it up to her chest.

“M-Much better,” Odin says, approving.

“Yeah, you don’t think it’s too much?” Ava asks.

“N-No, you should get it.”

Maggie suddenly appears, grabbing Odin and Ava’s hands, “Hey hey hey, guys, can you tell me whether this outfit I found is cute enough?”

She pulls them forward, Ava clinging the blouse to her. Maggie releases them, and Odin catches Ava by the shoulder to keep her from tripping. Maggie whips out a flowing dress: the straps are razor thin, held up by a prayer, with a gradient of dark blue at the bust, to a light sky color at the hem. Maggie presses it to her frame, waiting for appraisal.

Ava says she likes it at the same time Odin says he doesn’t.

Maggie frowns. She holds it up, “If you two don’t agree, it must not be that good.”

Ava looks at Odin, “How come you’re not into this one?”

“Mags, c-come on, you can get a better d-dress than that.”

Maggie hangs it back, “Then what would you suggest?”

“N-Not that.”

Groaning, Maggie folds her arms.

“It’s a giant s-shopping center, you’ll f-find something more suit-t-ted for you.”

Resigned, Maggie heads off in a different direction. Not finding much else, they decide to leave, after Ava made her purchase of the red blouse.

They decide to go into another department, the clothes appearing a little more high-end. Maggie insisted, as there’s a sale. Ava and Maggie inspect the pants, trying to decide whether this cut was better than this. Odin hangs out in the front, judging their lack of decent jackets. Disappointed, they exit and walk on until they come to a lingerie store.

“Hey, Odin, your favorite place,” Maggie teases.

“Only i-if you and Ava model f-f-for me,” Odin answers.

Ava and Maggie laugh, all three grinning as they head inside.

Maggie immediately zeroes in on a bright blue bra, lace covering the front and leaving nothing to the imagination. She finds a matching set of underwear and goes to get fitted. Ava is asked by staff if she’d like to try on anything, to her much flustered apologies.

“Must be fun to go shopping with your girlfriend, huh?” asks an employee.

Before Odin can answer, Ava shakes her head, “Oh, he’s not my boyfriend!”

The employee blinks, trying not to be confused; smiling, they ask, what they hope is not a terrible question, “Oh… a relative, then...?”

“He’s just my friend.”

The employee watches Odin enter the seventh circle of hell. Yikes.

Maggie comes out, pleased, and makes her purchase of the bra, panties and a bottle of lotion with a sweet, floral scent.

Continuing on, Ava pauses. She asks, “Hey, Odin, don’t you need to buy anything?”

Odin mulls the questions. “I don’t know, s-socks?”

Maggie shoves him lightly, “Dude, that’s not a fun purchase.”

“I do n-need socks, though.”

Groaning, Maggie grabs his arm, “Odin, that’s not a cool, fun gift for a suave, debonair gentleman like yourself—”

“—I know y-you’re mocking me—”

“As your friends, we can’t stand by this. You are going to buy yourself something nice.”

Sighing, Odin allows Maggie to drag him off. Ava watches them go, moving at a slower pace. She had never expected Odin and Maggie to become so… close. Odin was the reason she and Maggie even started being friends again. After their falling out several years ago, it had been a difficult thing to imagine Maggie opening herself back up. She hadn’t blamed her for not wanting to be her friend anymore.

Then Odin came and somehow… fixed it. It was slow, incremental.

He knew Maggie from their shared group, and he knew Ava from a class involving all grades. One day, he had invited Ava to join them at the table and upon arriving, the atmosphere shifted. Neither girl had known Odin was friends with the other. Needless to say, that was the coldest, awkward lunch she’d had in a while.

After that, from her perspective, she’d explained to Odin that Maggie and she used to be close. He hadn’t prodded, and she’d been grateful for his respect for privacy. But he continued to express desire to hang out with both of them, even it wasn’t together.

Ava was aware that her being involved in Odin’s life nearly caused his relationship with Maggie to become unstable. Maggie went a whole month without talking to him, where before they would hang out whenever they could.

“I’m sorry about this,” she said.

“Sorry f-for what?”

“For making this about me, like usual…”

Odin looked at her through a screen of smoke, sighing, “If Maggie d-doesn’t like me hanging out with you, that’s h-her issue.”

“I’d ruined my friendship with her… I don’t know if I’m okay with me destroying this too.”

“Maggie is ve-very important to me, but you’re important to m-me too,” Odin explained. He got closer then, their arms brushing each other’s, and she felt her heart race.

She gave him a smile, shrugging, “That’s sweet of you… but you haven’t known me as long. It feels unfair to Maggie, and…” Ava clenched her hands into fists, the knuckles white, “I’m not sure how I feel about this.”

“Ava, I’m telling y-you here and now: Maggie c-can make her own decisions. If she d-doesn’t like the idea of you and I h-hanging out, that’s her problem.”

“You don’t mean that,” Ava insisted.

“I do m-mean that. Maggie’s my b-best friend. But if she’s g-going to be possessive of m-me, I’m n-not good at bei-i-ing friends with someone like that. Friendships r-run their courses too, like anything e-else, and if that’s how it g-goes, you can o-only accept someone’s c-choice.”

Ava’s brows furrowed, trying not to cry. She was ruining everything. Everything always gets ruined because of her. She never did the right thing. She always hurt people. She always caught people up her mess. She could never do the right, smart thing.

“Do y-you want me to s-stop being a-around you?”

Odin tilted his head, and their gazes locked. His expression had been so sincere. Whatever she said, he would do. He’s so much nobler than people expected him to be. Something about that look made her rethink what she said. That this was different. That this was a change for the better this time. And it was selfish, but…

“No, I don’t want to stop being friends.”

Ava’s always known she can be.

“Ava,” Maggie calls, waving her over into a store. “Come on, we gotta find a leather jacket for our boy!”

She closes the distance in small skips, content.

-

Odin shoves his hands into his newly purchased leather jacket. His sisters tried to hide it this morning, but he knew what to expect. He’d been called by Maggie to tell him she’s coming by to pick him up for school, so he got up and dressed. They alternate who drives when and Mondays are her turn.

“Lookin’ good,” Maggie says at the door, patting his back. She wipes away any imagined dust from his shoulders. “Aren’t you glad we made you get it?”

“N-No one makes me d-do anyt-t-thing.”

She raises a brow.

“But yes, I’m g-glad you encouraged m-me.”

“All the way to the register, I might add.”

Rolling his eyes, he wraps his arm around her, giving her a firm side-hug. Maggie leans into it, grinning at this display of affection from him. Walking to her vehicle, Odin slides into the passenger’s seat, pushing back the seat to make room for his legs. Maggie flips through the radio and lands on a pop music station.

He asks, “When are you go-going to ask Gil o-out?”

“I’ll be asking him out today, I have the whole thing planned out. I was going to ask him on Sunday, because I know which church he goes to, but I decided to opt out on that.”

Odin gives a simple nod.

Maggie glances at him, “I know you don’t like him.”

“W-What ever gave you t-that idea?”

“Glad you’re not trying to lie to me. But I don’t understand why you don’t like him.”

Odin sighs, rubbing his temples, “Mags, he’s just… he’s a p-prick.”

Affronted, Maggie frowns. She says, “Odin, I know he can be exasperating, and he’s a little crazy with all that religious stuff, but he’s not a prick.”

“He’s a c-complete fucking id-d-diot, and he acts l-like he’s so much better than the r-r-rest of us.”

“So do you.”

“Maggie, I’m n-not like him and you know that. D-Don’t insult me. He a-acts the way he d-does because he thinks it’ll get him b-b-bonus points with whoever i-is up there,” Odin exclaims, pointing at the roof of the car. “But he’s g-genuine asshole, I know you c-can do better than that.”

Maggie narrows her eyes, hands clenching the wheel, “You don’t know him. He’s always kind to me.”

“Because h-he thinks it’s how he should act. That d-doesn’t mean anything. You don’t act-t-t-tually know h-him either.”

Glaring at Odin, Maggie waves him off, “Look, I don’t want to get into an argument before school. Are you going to keep this up?”

Odin drops it, despite his reluctance.

They arrive at Ava’s place, and she comes out wearing her new blouse. Ava gets in the backseat, smiling, “Hi, guys!”

“Super cute, Ava!” Maggie says, looking at her in the rearview mirror.

“You l-look great,” Odin tells her, smiling.

Ava blushes from the compliments, hands on her cheeks.

The rest of the morning builds up in anticipation of Maggie’s plan. She normally doesn’t have problems asking boys out, but this upcoming one is making her palms sweaty, and her palpitations are a little quicker.

She walks around the courtyard and notices Gil in his preferred spot: a table nestled under a tree, his lunch to the side as he reads his book. Maggie takes a deep breath. Careful not to scare him, Maggie makes sure that she’s in a good line of his periphery to notice her. She stands there, waiting to be acknowledged.

Gil’s eyes remain fixated on the book. Maggie clears her throat.

He jerks his head up, surprised. He gives a smile, “Hello, Maggie.”

“Hey, Gil,” she says, waving her hand at him.

“Did you need to ask me a question about homework?”

“No, I wanted to ask you something else.”

Gil waits on her, book held open in front of him.

“Gil, I…” Maggie swallows, nervous. Butterflies in her stomach. She clasps her hands behind her back. “I think you’re a really great person… You’re always nice and considerate, and I feel you really listen to me. I know that you’ll be graduating soon, but I thought that, maybe, you and I can… go out? On a date?”

Gil’s brows furrow, confused.

“I know this may seem sudden, but I’ve liked you for a long time. And I wanted to ask you out before that. Will you… go out with me?”

“Thank you, Maggie, that’s sweet of you to say—”

She doesn’t like that tone.

“Gil, I know this might be weird for you. But I just want to know… if you’d like to.”

“Maggie… I appreciate your feelings but… I don’t feel the same way.”

She feels her thoughts slow.

Gil rises from his seat, “I’m sorry, Maggie, but I don’t have an interest in you like that.”

Maggie bolts after him, stopping in front of him, “No, wait! Gil, I swear if you just give me a chance, I think we can be really work.”

“Maggie—”

“No, please,” Maggie says, frantic. This wasn’t how she thought it would play out in her head. He’s supposed to sweep her into his arms, and tell her that he’d love to go out with her. And even without that romantic fantasy, she’d been hoping maybe, maybe, that they can try. He can accept her and she can try to get him to love her.

She reaches out for him, feeling the butterflies drift up into her throat, choking, “I know we don’t hang out all the time, but I think if we got to know each other better, you can… like me.”

Gil pulls back, “No. I’m sorry this isn’t the answer you want, but I don’t want to go out with you.”

“But… can I know why?” she asks, voice thin.

Gil looks at her. Looks at her without seeing her. Distant. Trying to ignore her.

“You’ll never be someone I want.”

Maggie’s chest rises and falls quickly, watching him leave.

-

Odin searches for Maggie, feeling a mild panic bloom in his chest.

Ava came to him asking if he’d seen her, since she went to where the car was this morning and didn’t find it. Odin called her numerous times after the final bell, only to get the same voicemail.

Ava jogs up to him, looking more worried by the minute, “Did you get through?”

“N-N-No, she’s s-s-still not ans-s-swering me,” he replies, trying to remain calm.

Rubbing her hands together, Ava glances around. Helpless. She gives a slight jump when Odin puts a hand on her shoulder.

“We’ll f-find her. I’m s-sure she’s okay,” he assures her.

“Something must’ve happened between her and Gil…” Ava says.

Frowning, Odin wonders. She’d been so excited to do it beforehand, he knows it has something to do with this. It’d be one thing if it went well. If it did, he can imagine her leaving in a tizzy because she got so engrossed with joy that she’d leave them. And that’d be fine. The problem is that if it was a good encounter, even with her leaving, she would’ve answered one of their messages and apologized but, “you know me, I gotta plan a week ahead for this!” and all that.

This isn’t like her. She should be bragging about this.

Odin feels a hand on his arm. He looks down at Ava, her expression concerned.

“Hey, I know you’re worried too.”

He lets out a rush of air.

“It’s okay to admit that.”

“I k-know it is… I just d-don’t like to.”

Ava pats his arm, giving him a smile.

He can’t help but return it with his own.

Then he remembers something.

“Hey, w-why did you tense in the car on Frid-d-day?”

Ava blinks, “What?”

“When Maggie m-mentioned Gil… why did you te-tense up about him?”

Her expression changes, reserved. Her hand tightens around his forearm.

Odin leans down a little, closer to eye level. His heart quickens as he asks, “Is it be-because you s-still have feelings f-for Maggie?”

Ava whirls to look at him, shocked. She shakes her head, “No, that’s not it.”

Odin’s brain falters for a moment.

“But I… I t-thought that…”

“I liked Maggie a long time ago, but I made peace with that. She’s never going to want me back, and I only want to be her friend,” Ava explains.

Odin, in the midst of whooping with glee, dropping dead from relief, and the growing anxiety of Maggie’s whereabouts, delivers a single, brilliant, “What.”

“I haven’t liked her that way for a long time. She’s always going to be important to me is all. I want to have her in my life, even if it’s not what I thought it’d be as kids.”

Odin squeezes her shoulder, understanding how it feels to not know where one stands.

“The reason I tensed is because… yeah, I don’t like Gil much either.”

“H-How’s that?”

Ava’s expression contorts, a grimace of contempt twisting her features. He never thought she could look so… fearsome.

“A couple weeks ago, I’d been in the hall. I was walking past Gil, and he’d been hanging around with those other people. I don’t remember two of their names, but I know Prudith. She normally picks on me,” Ava informs him. She feels Odin’s hand shift onto her back, comforting, “When they saw me, they all looked at me like I shouldn’t be around. Prudith whispered something to Gil that I couldn’t hear. Next thing I know… my books are smacked out of my hands and on the floor…”

Ava’s eyes well with tears, sniffling.

“Ava…”

“I never had problems with Gil before.”

No doubt hanging around with the wrong crowd, Odin surmises. It doesn’t excuse his behavior, but he’s normally so anti-confrontational that the fact he went out of his way to bully Ava is something else.

“...Then he told me that’s what I deserve.”

“He s-said what?” demands Odin, voice sharp.

“I don’t know why he said that, or what I’ve done but…” Ava says. She looks at Odin then, eyes watery, but burning. “Whatever he said to Maggie probably wasn’t good either.”

Odin draws Ava close to him. She gasps when he pulls her up to his form, one hand cradling the back of her head.

“I d-don’t know if this is something you w-want,” Odin whispers, face burning. “But I w-want you to know I’m h-here for you. Whenever y-you need it.”

Ava nods, comforted. She allows herself to be held for a moment, then she withdraws.

Odin wipes a tear from her face, “C-Come on, let’s go find Maggie.”

-

It feels awful.

This aching pain ripping into her chest.

She wants it to stop, but it gets worse the harder she cries.

Every part of her is shaking. The tears keep flowing—dark streaks on her cheeks, nose is becoming plugged, throat is tight.

She’s so stupid. She’s stupid. She’s stupid, she’s stupid, she’s stupid stupid stupid stupid—

Sobbing, Maggie blindly reaches for the glove compartment. Feeling for the tissues, she blows her nose. How could she have been such an idiot? Maybe she should’ve tried harder to get him to agree, but he seemed so adamant about saying no.

His stare had been so cold.

She didn’t think her Prince Charming could be this way.

Sniffling, she dabs at her eyes. Releasing a shaky sigh, Maggie tilts back her head.

She wasn’t sure why this one hurt so bad. She’d been told no before.

But Gil was supposed to be different. He felt so safe, and she gravitated to that. He was always sweet, it never dawned on her that he would…

Maggie’s eyes burn, the tears coming out again.

She’s been such a fool…

The phone vibrates beside her. Glancing at it, she bites her lower lip. She drove off to the park without telling them… she’s not sure if she wants to deal with Odin telling her that he knew all along.

The phone stops vibrating. It starts up again, this time Ava.

She lets it ring, looking at her shoes. Was this how Ava felt? When she’d turned her down all those years ago?

What a horrible feeling. To feel like you didn’t matter. And the chance to gain importance doesn’t exist.

-

Odin moves in the direction of the park. Carrying Ava on his back, he asks, “You c-comfortable?”

“Yeah,” Ava says. “I’m sorry you have to do this.”

“D-Don’t worry about it. Those s-shoes you have a-aren’t exactly built f-f-for walking.”

Sighing, Ava wraps her arms around him a bit tighter. Resting her head on his shoulder, she realizes how good he smells. His neck is so close, it takes a surprising amount of effort to not bend an inch and trail kisses up that exposed skin.

She hadn’t been sure how to react at the store—all she knew was she didn’t want to embarrass him. Someone thinking they’re together might not appeal to him. She knows he likes her, but if wasn’t in the way she wanted it to be. She’s not sure if she could take that. Not again.

What he said earlier about Maggie had got her thinking. She used to like Maggie, and a part of her will always treasure Maggie as her first crush. First love, even. Maggie is one of the most important people in her life. That won’t ever change.

In the absence of her, Odin made his way through. Found her groping in the dark, and they were both lost, but they had each other. He has become so important.

Possibly above everyone else.

Ava tilts her head onto his, closing her eyes. She hopes Maggie’s okay.

She wouldn’t do anything to hurt her, not like before. It’s why she can’t let Odin know how she feels. If he did… their relationships will change. Maggie might feel like she’s losing friends once more.

Odin stops, and she looks up. Sliding off his back, the two of them rush over to Maggie’s car.

Ava knocks on the window, startling Maggie. She drops her shoulders when she sees it’s them. She opens the door, feeling tired.

“Hey…” she murmurs.

“We’ve been worried!” Ava exclaims, hugging her.

“I’m fine, Ava,” Maggie tells her.

Odin stands in front of her, relief sinking into his gut. Shaking his head, he sticks his hands into his pockets, “Y-You’re such a pain in the a-ass.”

“Odin!” chastises Ava.

Maggie glares at him, “I didn’t feel like having you tell me that you told me so.”

“Mags, that’s n-not it,” Odin says. “You left us w-w-worried sick about where y-you’d gone, and w-what happened. The l-least you could’ve d-done was answer your phone.”

Maggie sighs. Tears flow again, “I’m sorry… I didn’t want you to see me like this…”

Odin squeezes beside her, all three of them standing against the car. Odin wraps an arm around her shoulder, “Maggie, y-you can talk to us. You d-don’t need to shut y-yourself out.”

Fast, she brushes her eyes. She groans when she keeps crying.

Odin pulls her into a hug. Maggie sobs into his chest. Ava hugs her from behind, and she feels their bodies shift so that they’re all hugging each other.

“I… I felt so fucking dumb,” Maggie blubbers. “I thought— I really thought th— That’d he’d give me a… shot…”

“I know… I k-know…”

Maggie feels Ava’s hand stroke her hair, whispering that it’s okay.

She lets herself cry in this little cacoon. Safe.

Finished, Maggie pulls back. Odin pats her shoulder as Ava rubs her arm.

“He… He didn’t want to go out with me. I thought he would… but I guess I fooled myself.”

Ava shakes her head, “It’s okay, this stuff kinda happens. You run away with an idea and then you don’t know where it went. But it’s really gonna be okay.”

Maggie turns to her, “I’m sorry, Ava.”

“What for?” asks Ava, surprised.

“It must’ve been hard for you to tell me you liked me… I really hurt you then too, and I never apologized for that.”

“Oh, Maggie… that’s okay!” Ava tells her, hugging her tight. Pulling back, she smiles, “We’re friends again, and that’s more than I could’ve wanted.”

Maggie smiles back, “Thanks, Ava.”

“He w-was a jerk anyway,” Odin says.

Laughing, Maggie grabs onto his arm, “I know he was rude to me, but it’s not that bad.”

“Well…” Odin starts, meeting gazes with Ava.

Maggie’s curious eyes turn dark. Grappling with the idea that not only Gil could be so cold towards her, but Ava as well. In another time, that might’ve made her a little happy. Might have.

“That’s horrible... I know I’m one to talk but... I can’t believe he’d do something like that. Although, I guess after today, I don’t know him at all.”

Odin steps forward, “You l-ladies wanna key his car?”

Ava giggles while Maggie throws her head back in a loud laugh.

“Odin, we can’t do that,” Ava says.

“As much as I’d feel better doing it, admittedly” Maggie states, crossing her arms. “I don’t think I have it in me to do that.”

“D-Doesn’t have to be us.”

-

“Man, they really took off,” Maggie comments.

“Yeah, wow. Look at them go,” Ava agrees.

“B-Best part is, they’ll be t-too tired to be up a-all night,” Odin says.

They watch as his three sisters throw toilet paper over Gil’s car, all of them writing obscenities and doodling on the windows.

“Will any of this damage the car?” questions Ava.

“I l-let the girls have free rein so… I told them the basics: d-don’t slash his tires or b-b-brakes. Don’t t-throw rocks into the windows. Don’t steal anyt-t-thing. Car s-should be fine after a wash. M-Maybe new paint.”

“Those are the basics?”

“For t-them, yes.”

Maggie smirks, “Gotta hand it to ya, you’re raising those girls to be something else.”

“T-Thanks, I think,” Odin says, pulling out his pipe to smoke.

Ava holds out her hand after he takes several puffs. He hands it to her, automatic.

Maggie stares at them out of her periphery. Hopefully, they’ll take the plunge to date one day. Otherwise, she might have to push that.

“Hey, I’m glad you two are here with me,” she gushes. “You two are the best.”

“A-Anytime,” Odin says, nudging her. “After all, n-nothing says camaraderie like m-messing with someone’s property.”

Maggie snickers, “I’m so lucky.”

“But seriously, Maggie. We’re always here for you too,” says Ava, beaming. “What are friends for.”

“Right,” she agrees.

They’re an odd little group, but they’re always looking out for each other, hearing one another out. It’s always difficult to work around other people. But if someone matters enough, you learn to adapt and mold around them. Their trio is so full of good things, she is grateful to have friends around who actually care about her.

Well, adding a boyfriend wouldn’t hurt. She looks up at the stars. He might be out there somewhere still.

For now, she has them. Until then, Maggie can’t think of anything better than to have people like this by her side.

[slummmerican]

"JOSH, WHAT THE F U C K DID YOU DO?! WHAT DID YOU F U C K I N G DO?!". The way Brandon’s voice carried through his mind made it feel like he was standing in the apartment, hollering with panicked shock as he’d been the night in the motel room but as the twenty seven year old lit up a Marlboro and opened up his laptop, he reminded himself his mind was echoing the words of a twin brother that’d been six feet under the dirt for the last ten years. This was just another one of them mind-trips he’d become familiar with experiencing after something triggered his guilty-conscious and tonight, it’d been triggered through sticking Tav Bello in the upper arm with a decent enough shot of speedball, the anonymous blackmailing challenge had oddly enough replicated the very secret he was being threatened of exposed on - - with someone who almost played a part in himself or at the very least, been the inspiration and well aware of the truth all these years. Inked appendages worked against the laptop, typing in his password then pulling up the pictures. A heavy exhale being made through his nostrils seconds before he’d clicked on the very last picture the Nash Twins ever took together, a picture that only existed because the twins were intentionally hoarding up the bathroom before school to piss off their little sisters. There was nothing more energizingly comical than two girls old enough to depend on a face-full of makeup being locked out of where the make-up was, before school. The smirk that formed on his features was short-lived, the visual reminiscing soon fading from the day in the bathroom with Brandon to the day at the motel, set two days after the house-fire that killed both parents and sisters: the having barely escaped brother successfully getting into contact with the wanted for questioning but couldn’t be found sibling he’d probably should’ve set up instead of agreeing to talk one on one before going to the station. That probably would’ve saved his life, got some justice served to the deserving, .. B u t t…. "Josh, what the f u c k did you do?! WHAT DID YOU F U C K I N G DO?!". "As the older of the twins continued to repeat the same eleven words, he buried his face into the palm of his hands, body now rocking back and forth ever so slightly from the edge of the rippled mattress in an overcome tick. “ I didn’t know you were in the house, B.. I swear.” The words flowed from Josh’s lips in a thick and almost mono-toned fashion, the lack of empathetic remorse was enough to make anyone’s skin crawl; here he was two days after his kid sisters and parents got smore’d in the fire he started, higher than the Colorado rockies and not shedding a single tear. Had Brandon not been blinded by the false sense of immunity his own loyalty reflected, he would’ve seen just how f u c c k i n g emotionally f u c k e d Josh really was; he wasn’t troubled or rebellious, he was goddamn detatched. The red flags had all been there, just nobody bothered to look. In the cold light of day, when Brandon began to rack his memory for any type of significant emotional moment of Josh’s, the only ones that came - -- were when it had to do with his heroin and sometimes, that girl Jackie he was dating. Not when he stomped on a kid’s face in a fight after school and hospitalized him, not when he got arrested any of the several times or even pushed their sister down the steps and broke her arm… When he was almost out of heroin,when he couldn’t find his heroin… When he did a shot of heroin, when he was high off heroin: the only rageful, saddened, cheerful or true content affecting ones. That almost made Brandon puke, “….I can’t believe you f uckin’ did this, what is wrong with you, man?... Our sisters burned to death… Why? Cause you got kicked out, told your heroin couldn’t come in the f u ck ing… “ He stopped, needing to breathe from the pace his words were being delivered. Having fallen silent and half-uninterested in the little breakdown the older was having, Josh had been fiddling with the change in his pocket while leaning his shoulder against the bathroom door-frame, vision steadied on the bottle of dangling from the hold of his left hand. “B shut the f u c k up, had nothing to do with my dope, had to do with that whole family being nothin’ but silver-spoon suckin, bible thumping cunts. Had to do with me hating them all, always in my f u c k’in’ business, pretending to give a shi t, just to talk sh it later to their friends or siblings.. Listen, I needed help and instead of tryin’ themselves, they sent me to a motherf’uckin’ strange dude in a small room.. What parent does that s h I t ? Talk about droppin’ the ball there, love my ass.” He pushed off the wall with the bottom of his Osiris, now heading over to drop on the mattress to the right of his twin, shaking the bottle outward for him to take. “Here, have a few shots with me and just.. Chill a minute then we’ll figure sh it out… Here.” ;His self awareness finally ripped him free of the flashback just for a few seconds, enough for him to take a few drags off the bad habit smoldering to ash in between his finger and to wipe at a few tears formed. “F u c k me, man.” He muttered out loud, a harsh clearing of his throat disrupting the peace and quiet his loft apartment didn’t quiet have enough of. The one night he didn’t want to be alone -  he was, wasn’t that some poetic karma served?  There was nothing about reliving this night that did anything positive for him, all it did was smack the unhealing wound of bitter truth until it was bloddy and raw.  Losing his brother definitely was the hardest thing he’d ever went through and to top that experience off, the responsibility he had on this, over the course of the last ten years almost  thrown him off the deep end, finished the family tree.  Mainly the reason he usually didn’t interact with many unless the atmosphere involved drugs, booze and music or the conversations were casual and full of pointless topics.  These triggered trips down guilt-mountian were hard to climb back to the top from. He had a few more episodes of tug-o-war between self-awareness with the present and his mentality on the past: he re-lived a few bouts of that night, mostly the highlighted parts of their heart-to-heart while Josh pretended to drink from the bottle Brandon’d become almost too eager to and then he reached the ending, one he couldn’t pull out from despite his efforts… The ketamine and liquid morphine that the whiskey’d been spiked with kicked in pretty quickly, their conversations began becoming jumbled, Brandon’s words became less coherant and then he’d become unconscious, nearly falling off the edge of the bed as his upper half inclined forward. “Woah, I got you… “ Josh’s movements were quick and almost graceful as stood up and pushed the other backward against the mattress, now collecting the syringe of 50cc fentynal from his back pocket, “I’m really sorry for this B, man.. I don’t /wanna/ do this sh*t but I mean…” He paused as his fingers uncapped the tip and he searched for protruding enough vein, the one on his upper left arm sufficing. Upon the needle tearing through the sensitive flesh and filling from entering the vein, Josh took a moment to brace himself, “Least you’re gonna be with ‘em.” And that was it, it was over with one quick push of the plunger, the older twin had officially been pushed into a fatal overdose: the first symptom being shown was the nose-bleed and then as the shallow breaths began with heavy rise and falls of his chest, Josh perched  on the mattress and pulled his older twin into his lap for a tight embrace, his jaw tightened to suppress the sobs that came with the tears saturating his face and the hem of his shirt. “You’re okay, I got you… It’s okay..” Cheek rested against the now convulsing twin, Josh began small back and forth rocks – having fallen into a what’d be several hour daze. “ I love you, big brother.”