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mundieoriley · 6 years ago

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Boldly Go | Bones x Oc

Author's Note: Hey everyone! I hope everything's going well for you guys! This is a Star Trek AOS one shot I wrote a couple years ago; It takes place during Star Trek 2009. I hope you all enjoy it!

Thanks for stopping by

Mundie

Bones is so going to kill me.

Emalee curses under her breath as she struggles into a half sitting position, her back leaned against a piece of pillar connecting to the other platforms behind her. She avoids looking over the side of the thin walkway she currently sits on, keeping a sharp eye out for any more Romulans that may be lurking on the other catwalks scattered around the large room. Whose idea was it to design a ship to have a bunch of walkways criss crossing each other all over the place, with no railings either? It's just a disaster waiting to happen and Emalee sure as hell doesn't want to fall over the side like one of Nero's crew members did, courtesy of your's truly.

She winces as the wound in her stomach protests painfully at her movements, reminding her to apply more pressure to the bleeding stab wound, blood leaking stubbornly between her crimson stained fingers. Unfortunately for her and Jim, the two Starfleet officers had been intercepted by Nero, the captain of the Narada and kidnapper of Captain Pike, and one of his cronies. A short and bitter fight had ensued, a fight in which Nero easily beat the living hell out of Jim while Emalee was occupied with the other Romulan. Emalee had managed to unbalance the large crony and shove him over the edge of the catwalk they had been fighting on, but not before he got a few good hits in. So, it's safe to say Emalee had not been at the tip top of her game when she had pulled Nero off Jim. She had succeeded in buying Jim a bit of time to recover, but not before the Romulan captain had slammed her against the wall she currently rests against and stabbed her in the stomach. It had been, hands down, the most painful thing she has ever experienced.

Fortunately, in that moment, a robotic voice had come over the ship's intercom, informing Nero that Spock had destroyed the large drill that had been digging into Earth's surface, causing Nero to yank the blade out and let Emalee go and leap over to another catwalk and disappear. Emalee had slid down to the ground, biting her lip to keep herself from crying out in pain again. Jim had pulled himself from the floor and stumbled over to Emalee, dropping to his knees beside her.

"Well, that's just typical," she had said as Jim had placed his hands over hers on the wound, applying pressure.

She had sucked in her breath sharply as a bolt of pain had radiated out from the wound in protest to the added pressure.

Jim had shaken his head at her, his jaw noticeably tight. "Your luck is worse than mine, you know that?"

Emalee had let out a weak laugh at that. "Yeah, well, I didn't really think that one out. You owe me big time."

By way of response, Jim had wrapped one of her arms around his neck and tried to get her to her feet. "Come on, let's get out of here."

She had hissed between her teeth at the unexpected movement, frustrated that she had gotten herself hurt and turned into a burden.

"Jim, I'm only going to slow you down," she had said as she leaned heavily on her best friend. "You're going to have to leave me here."

"No way," he had said with a shake of his head as he had tried to gently guide his friend forward, but she had stubbornly dug in her heels, forcing him to stop. "There's no way in hell I can just leave you here."

"You'll never make it to Captain Pike in time if you don't," Emalee had said as she, doing her best to ignore the throbbing wound, pulled herself away from Jim and leaned heavily against a nearby wall.

"Emalee-,"

"Go," she had interrupted. "I'll be fine."

He had stood there, clearly conflicted and they had stared each other down for a few moments, both stubborn and unwavering.

Finally, Jim had let out a long and defeated sigh. "I swear, when we get back, I'm going to kill you."

Emalee had smiled weakly. "Not if Bones gets to me first.... Now go."

With one last look, Jim had turned and hurried away, leaving Emalee alone.

Now, frustrated and hurting all over, Emalee has been reduced to mumbling curses under her breath.

"Stupid, freaking, Romulan," she grumbles.

Note to self: Kick Nero's sorry Romulan ass.

You're just angry because you might not make it back to Bones.

Emalee squeezes her eyes shut, shutting down that train of thought and blocking the emotions that come along with it.

"Channel your inner Spock," she mumbles to herself as she opens her eyes again, taking as deep and calming breaths as her wound will allow her.

She prays Jim gets to Pike on time, prays that Spock is still in one piece, prays that everything will work out, that, if she has to, she'll be the only one that has to die.

The bleeding doesn't appear to be slowing down, seeing how warm blood still leaks freely between her fingers, staining everything it comes in contact with. And if the shakiness in her hands and the heaviness in her body is any indication, Emalee is losing too much blood too quickly. It looks like no amount of pressure she applies to the wound with her hands will do much good, but there's no way she's going to go down without a fight. She promised Bones she would make it back to the Enterprise alive and she'll be damned if she doesn't uphold that promise. She has to tell him how she feels about him before she can die anyway; Emalee already regrets putting it off for so long as it is and there's no way she's going to die with regrets.

She has to tell him she loves him before it's too late.

When it feels like years have gone by, but in reality only ten minutes have, golden light suddenly appears, swirling around her, encompassing her entire battered body. A huge grin flits across Emalee's pale face as the familiar feeling of beaming washes over her, along with relief. If she's being beamed, that means the mission was successful.

A moment later, Emalee finds herself sitting on the transporter pad, biting back a cry of pain as the beaming jars her sharply. She blinks several times to clear away the dizziness that always accompanies beaming and immediately begins to struggle to her feet, as she quickly does a sweep of the room. Emalee uses the wall for support (unknowingly smearing blood across its once pristine white surface) and ignoring the shakiness of her knees and the pain she feels throughout her entire body as she takes in the sight of Jim and Spock propping a half conscious, but alive, Captain Pike between the two of them. Scotty and a few other personnel are on their feet, rushing to help Spock and Jim with Captain Pike. Finally, she spots Bones, hovering around Jim and Spock, brandishing his infamous tricorder. The familiar sight of Doctor McCoy buzzing busily around a patient, despite the situation, causes Emalee to smile. But something isn't right with the doctor. He seems incredibly distracted and, from what little she can see of him around all the people in the room, he appears to be looking for something that the Enterprise personal keep obstructing his view of.

Emalee expects the group of people swarming around the injured captain to bustle out of the room and, not that she minds at all (in fact, she encourages it), leave Emalee behind to make her own way to Medbay, but Jim and Spock draw the Captain away and all the worried crew members out of the room with them. Doctor McCoy lets everyone else through first, his dark eyes searching the small crowd, again, looking for something.

Suddenly, Emalee's vision becomes unfocused as relief washes over her when she realizes everyone is safe and alive. The room becomes nothing more than unrecognizable blobs of color, her hearing hollowing out and becoming indistinct. She becomes hyper aware of the warmth of her blood staining her hand that remains pressed over the wound, the feeling of the cold wall slick with blood beneath the hand she has leaned against it for support, the feeling of her knees practically knocking together from the strain of keeping her upright, and the overwhelming urge to lay down, close her eyes, and go to sleep. Just as that thought crosses her blurry mind, her legs finally give out as her sense of balance goes sideways, making Emalee sink slowly to her knees and droop forward, like a wilting flower.

She blinks several times in an attempt to clear her blurry mind and vision, wobbling dangerously as she suddenly finds herself desperately wanting, needing, to call out to Bones, to get his attention.

Emalee! Snap out of it! Her internal voice screams at her.

She blearily lifts her incredibly heavy head, desperately looking for the only reason she's been able to hold on this long. Her eyes, which are going from focused to unfocused without her consent, latch onto Bones, who is still looking out the doorway, back to her, nothing more than a blob of blue and black.

He's looking for you, murmurs her subconscious.

As her precarious grip on reality slips between her fingers, Emalee tries to call out to him, to stand back to her feet, but, due to her discombobulated state, she only causes herself to lose her balance entirely and fall onto her injured side with a thud. The pain barely registers as everything takes on a surreal air. She watches her blood leak from the wound and form an ever growing crimson pool with morbid fascination.

Emalee wonders if this is what dying feels like, as a voice, garbled and muffled, calls for her attention.

If it is, then death's not so bad, she tells herself as the voice becomes more urgent. She barely notices something buzzing and beeping in her ears, her blurry eyes still latched onto the pool of blood forming next to her.

It'd be so easy to just close your eyes and slip away, the voice whispers to her as someone gently turns her onto her back. However, that barely sticks in her mind as her eyelids droop, thinking maybe the voice is right.

Sleep sounds nice.

Go on, close your eyes, says the voice, soothing and reassuring.

Yeah, I think I will, Emalee thinks sleepily as she lets her eyes slip shut.

Don't you dare close your eyes, another voice suddenly says, familiar and urgent. Stay with me, Emalee!

Hmm? But why? I'm so tired, she says to the demanding voice.

Ignoring the voice telling her to close her eyes, she slowly forces her eyelids apart, her vision as blurry and fuzzy as her mind. Things slowly start to bleed into focus and she becomes aware of the fact her body is quivering, even though she doesn't feel cold, the feeling of warm arms cradling her gently against a blue clad chest. She realizes someone is carrying her, the swaying motion only making her dizzier than she already is.

"Emalee, can you hear me?" The voice is urgent, worried, and achingly familiar.

Slowly, she pulls her gaze up to the owner of the voice, the sight of this familiar man with the hazel eyes, dark hair, and southern lilt to his words chasing away the blackness gathering in the corners of her vision.

"Sure can, sunshine," Emalee mumbles with a cheeky smile in response to the doctor's question, glad she can string together a sentence even though her breathing isn't exactly even.

"Of course you're joking at a time like this," he says, his voice tight and bitter. Bones picks up the pace, urgency and fear rising up in him full force. Emalee is exhibiting textbook symptoms of shock and, obviously, blood loss.

"Can you tell me how long you've been bleeding?" he asks her as the door to Medbay comes into sight at the end of the hall, forcing his voice to come out even. The last thing McCoy wants is to let his almost overwhelming anxiety and fear get the best of him and rub off on Emalee.

"Hmm... I dunno," Emalee responds, her words slurring together.

Just then, Bones bursts into the Medbay, immediately noting most of his staff are hard at work on Captain Pike in his few minute's absence. He notices a nurse buzzing anxiously around the room, clearly not sure what to do with herself. Bones calls out to her as he places Emalee on a nearby bed, slipping into Doctor Mode. The nurse turns and immediately rushes to his side.

"Yes, Doctor?"

Bones barely takes his eyes off Emalee as he scans her with his tricorder for the second time, noting the paleness of her skin and the bruises scattered like ugly purple, blue, and black flowers across her cheekbones and jaw. He pushes away the anger at the Romulans who did this to her and instead quickly puts together a mental list of things he's going to need. He rapidly orders the nurse to gather the needed supplies, the women immediately following his orders. Suddenly, a cool and clammy hand grasps his that had been leaned on the bed beside Emalee, immediately getting his attention.

"It's that bad, huh?" Her voice is tired and weak, eyes half lidded as she looks up at him, not missing the way his jaw is clenched.

The nurse suddenly appears with her arms full of medical supplies, giving Bones an excuse not to reply. The two quickly go to work on Emalee, who can barely keep her eyes open at this point, everything becoming distant and echoey. Only disconnected words and phrases like 'surgery', 'lost a lot of blood', and 'transfusion' register to Emalee's tired brain as she feels the prick of a needle. Her eyes slip closed and darkness overtakes her.

***

The first thing Emalee becomes aware of as she slowly reaches consciousness is the sound of hushed voices, the quiet pit pat of light feet across tile, and a soft and rhythmic beeping noise. Emelee listens to the quiet noise of activity around her, letting her drowsiness stick around for a little while longer, not wanting to rush into full wakefulness. But, she becomes more alert and with that alertness comes the pain. She feels like one giant, sore and throbbing bruise.

Two pairs of feet approach her and stop near her bedside, interrupting her thoughts.

"How's she doing?"

Emalee recognizes Jim's voice, which is lowered and a lot more solemn than it usually is.

"Stable," a second voice Emalee instantly knows belongs to Bones says, also lowered to just above a whisper. "Should be coming around soon."

There's a moment of silence that is only filled with the rhythmic beeping Emalee assumes is her heart monitor and the two men's almost inaudible breathing.

"How'd she get stabbed?"Although his voice is relatively even, Emalee knows the doctor well enough to detect the tightness present in his words.

Jim lets out a sigh and Emalee can imagine him looking at the floor and shaking his head.

After a moment, Kirk tells Bones about the fight between the two Starfleet officers and Nero and his crony.

"I tried to take her with me, but she wouldn't let me," Jim says. "She said she'd only slow me down and keep me from getting to Pike on time.... I didn't want to leave her there, Bones. I really didn't. But if I hadn't, Pike would be dead and Earth would have been destroyed and...."

There's a long, pregnant silence.

"I know you did the right thing, Jim," the doctor says. "But-."

Bones closes his mouth with an audible click and falls into silence.

"Well, I'd better get back to the Bridge," Jim says. "Comm me if Emalee wakes up."

And with that, Jim's footsteps fade away, clearly understanding Bones wants to be left alone for the time being. The doctor lets out a slow exhale as the sound of a chair softly being pulled up to Emalee's bedside and the doctor sitting down reaches her ears.

"We both know you're not asleep," Bones says.

Emalee resists the urge to wince and opens her eyes.

"Was it that obvious?" Emalee attempts to get into a sitting position, stubbornly ignoring her wound's protest.

"Damn it, Emalee!" Bones immediately stands to his feet and gently pushes her back into the mattress, his accent becoming more prominent. "Don't move 'round so much. You'll pop your stitches."

Emalee knows Bones' accent gets thicker when he's worried or worked up. The last thing she wants to do is make him worry more than he already does, so she grudgingly lays down again. The doctor flops back in his chair and runs a hand over his face with a sigh.

"You've got to be the craziest, most stubborn, and reckless woman I've ever met," he says, his hand still over his face.

"Look, I know I put you through hell," she tells him, ignoring the hoarseness in her voice. "But-,"

"Yeah, tell me somethin' I don't know," Bones interrupts as he straightens in his seat and bends an intense look on Emalee, mouth set in a firm line. "Emalee, you died and I had to bring you back two times. Two. Times. Do you have any idea-?"

Bones looks away from her and lets out a long sigh, running a lean hand over his face and keeping it there. She stares at him, wracking her mind for something, anything, to say, but, as the silence lengthens, nothing substantial comes to mind. Unable to think of anything else, Emalee slowly reaches out a hand and gently takes his, tugging it away from his face. It's slightly uncomfortable, leaning over like she is, but she can't bring herself to care as Bones slowly looks up at her, an expression on his face she can't quite read.

"Leo," she says, her nickname for him slipping out before she can stop it. "I-."

McCoy pulls his hand out of hers and stands to his feet, avoiding her eye. "Let one of the nurses know if you need anything."

And with that, he turns and walks away, out of Emalee's line of sight.

She crushes the hurt she feels as she looks after Bones, cursing herself for being so stupid. Of course he wouldn't want her to be so, well, affectionate, with him. Now she's gone and made him uncomfortable

So much for telling him your feelings.

"Shut up," she tells the voice under her breath as she forces her muscles to relax, leans back against the pillows and closes her eyes.

Quiet activity continues around the Medbay, giving Emalee something to distract herself with as she listens to the nurses talking amongst themselves and to other patients. She opens her eyes and perks up a little when she catches the tail end of a conversation about Captain Pike, who is on his way to recovery. Emalee smothers the feeling of guilt that rises in her chest when it occurs to her Bones must have been too busy saving her life to help save Pike's, whose life, in her opinion, is so much more important than hers. She's just some expendable communications officer while Pike is a captain (of the Enterprise no less!), one of the most important people on a star ship. It would not have been a blow to the starship if she had not made it off the Narada, but if Pike had died in Emalee's stead, it would have most definitely been a blow to the ship, the shockwaves of it even reaching back to Starfleet itself. Sure, there are First Officers to take over if a Captain can no longer serve, but a great Captain like Pike would have been a huge loss to the Federation.

Emalee is nothing in comparison.

As that thought crosses her mind, Jim's voice comes over the ship's intercom, informing the crew that they'll be reaching Earth shortly.

Emalee lets out a slow breath as she realizes she's going to be confined to bed in a hospital until doctors deem her well enough to move around. If there's one thing Emalee hates the most, it's being subjected to mandatory bed rest. She gets restless easily, a trait she shares with Jim, and having to stay still and do nothing for extended periods of time drives her up the wall.

The situation with Bones won't be helping either.

Tired of laying down, Emalee braces her arms on the bed and attempts to get herself into a sitting position, ignoring her stiff muscles' protests and the uncomfortable feeling of the movement pulling on her stitches. Just as she leans back against the pillows giving her back support in an upright position, a nurse bustles over, having noticed Emalee is awake.

"How are you feeling?" The nurse gives Emalee a skeptical look, like she thinks her patient shouldn't be sitting up.

"I'm feeling fine," she says, stubbornly refusing to admit her stomach actually hurts around the stitches and her whole body aches and throbs.

The nurse produces a tricorder and does a quick scan, seeming satisfied with the results.

"Your vitals are normal and it looks like the blood transfusion was a success," she says as she crosses her arms sternly, something she must have picked up from Bones considering he does the same thing. "But don't let me catch you out of that bed."

Emalee salutes the nurse, deciding not to ask about her alleged blood transfusion. "Yes ma'am."

With one last warning look, the nurse turns and moves over to another bed across the way from Emalee, who is kicking herself for landing herself in Medbay so much the nurses know she has the tendency to get out of bed when she probably shouldn't. Emalee reaches up and idly runs her fingers through her dirty blonde hair in an attempt to entertain herself as she curiously looks after the nurse, wondering who she's talking to. Guilt immediately rises in her chest again when she realizes Captain Pike is the one in the bed across from her, her gaze dropping reflexively to her hands folded tightly in her lap.

It's your fault the Captain didn't have all the help he needed.

Emalee internally tells the thought to shut up, even though a part of her still feels it's right. If she hadn't gotten herself hurt, heck, if she hadn't drawn Bones' attention to herself on the beaming pad, Pike would have had the best doctor on the Enterprise helping him.

But Emalee just had to be too weak, didn't she?

"I know bed rest is the worst, but why the long face?"

Emalee looks up from her hands, realizing the one talking to her is none other than Captain Pike. His kind face is tight around the eyes and pale, reflecting the pain and exhaustion from his ordeal he must be feeling.

Emalee forces down the rising guilt she feels the longer she looks at the captain and manages a small smile.

"It is, isn't it?"

Pike obviously notices she avoided the question, but, thankfully, he lets it go.

"I heard how you got yourself in here," the captain says.

Emalee doesn't respond.

"I also heard you made Kirk leave you behind."

Boy, this man is relentless.

Emalee shakes her head with a small chuckle and looks down at her hands again, still keeping her silence.

"That was a damn selfless thing to do," Pike continues.

"What else was I supposed to do," Emalee finally says with a nonchalant shrug, looking up at the Captain. "I couldn't prioritize myself over the lives of others."

Pike looks her over for several long moments, making her shift under his wise and knowing gaze.

"That selflessness and courage are valuable traits," the Captain says. "Traits all great Starfleet officers have possessed."

The corner of Emalee's mouth quirks up. "Are you implying I'm a great Starfleet officer, Captain?"

"No, but I think you have the potential to become one." Captain Pike's steady gaze does not waver. "Someone once told me there are no win scenarios and I can see you believe that too."

Emalee pushes a few stray curls away from her face and simply nods her head. Pike is right, she, like James T. Kirk, doesn't believe in no win scenarios.

There is always a way.

Just then, Jim's voice comes over the intercom, informing his crew that they have docked in San Francisco. As soon as Jim signs off, medical personnel seem to burst out of the very walls, hustling and bustling and getting the injured into wheelchairs and off the Enterprise, including Emalee and Pike. Emalee looks around for Bones in the sea of red and blue shirts swarming in and around the star ship, but she never manages to spot him. The nurse from earlier is the one that wheeled her all the way to Emalee's hospital room on the Academy's campus and, as she firmly but gently gets Emalee into the hospital bed and clothes, tells her a nurse will be by to check on her later. Then she bustles out of the room, leaving Emalee alone.

As she sits in the bed and stares at the bland white walls, her short conversation with Bones replays in her mind like a broken record, making her want to tear out her hair and scream in frustration. Her stitches itch and her whole body aches and she can't decide if she wants to shake McCoy until his teeth rattle or kiss him until her head spins.

She wonders, rather morbidly, what would happen if she gave in to the incessant impulse to scratch and not-so-accidentally tear her stitches. If, by some miracle, Bones ended up coming to fix her, what then? He'd only scold her and not let her get a word in edgewise. When McCoy's in one of his moods, you might as well be talking to a brick wall for all the progress you would make.

Emalee knows from experience.

The door to her room slides open with a swish, startling Emalee from out of her thoughts. She looks up from her hands and spots a blonde nurse dressed in the standard white hospital uniform enter her room and approach her bed, a cafeteria tray in her hands. The nurse hands Emalee the tray, checks her over, and hurries away without a word.

"Well, someone was in a hurry," Emalee says to the empty room.

And that's how it was for the next two weeks.

The same nurse would come in at meal times and bring Emalee food, check her stitches and vitals, occasionally ask a question pertaining to her patient's health, and hurry out of the room like Emalee has the Plague. Only seeing one person for a few minutes a day, the bland hospital room, and lack of anything at all to do except twiddle her thumbs is really starting to take its toll and Emalee misses her friends dearly. She misses Jim's jokes and laughter, the way he manages to find humor in almost every situation. She misses Nyota's scathing comebacks to Jim's teasing and having lunch together and testing each other's knowledge of xenolinguistics.

And most of all, she misses Leonard McCoy.

She misses his sarcasm, dry humor, and intelligence. She misses hearing him call Jim a corn-fed idiot and Spock a green blooded hobgoblin. She misses the easy conversations they would share over a meal and how he makes her feel like, in all his cynicism, she can tell him absolutely anything without judgement from him. She even misses her damn medical exams because they give her an excuse to see the grumpy doctor.

What she would give to see any one of them.

Unable to sit still for another second, Emalee throws off the thin blanket and slides out of bed, the tile cold against her bear feet. Ignoring her stiff body's protest, she begins to pace from the small window on one wall to the door opposite it and back again, just to be doing something other than thinking herself to death like she has been for the past two weeks. The soft pit pat rhythm her feet make as she paces back and forth numbs her whirling thoughts. She counts her steps as she paces, mumbling the numbers to herself under her breath as she goes.

She reaches the door and turns to make another pass of the room. "One..Two..Three..-"

"What are you doing?"

Emalee stops in her tracks, disbelief coursing through her, her eyes glued to the floor.

The door closes with a swish and she, still as a statue, hears the owner of the familiar voice march around her. A pair of pristine white shoes appear at the top of her vision and she slowly looks up, not sure what to expect.

There Leonard McCoy stands, his arms folded disapprovingly across his chest and the corners of his mouth turned down in a frown. Emalee can't help but notice the white uniform he wears brings out the green in his hazel eyes.

Dark eyebrows arch as he stares down at her, waiting for an answer.

Emalee clears her throat. "Pacing."

"Yeah, I can see that." Uncrossing his arms, he gestures at the bed behind her. "Sit down, would you?"

"I've been stuck in that God forsaken bed for two weeks," Emalee says, her pent up irritation and suppressed hurt and anger suddenly rising to the surface. "And not once during that time did anyone except a nurse think I might like to see them."

Bones opens his mouth to speak, but the dam has broken and everything Emalee has suppressed is rushing out in a torrent.

"I've been losing my Goddamn mind cooped up in here, wondering where the hell anyone is, wondering if you actually care about me."

"Emalee-"

She cuts him off again, too angry to notice that her voice is rising, that her fists are clenched tight at her sides, and that hot angry tears are running down her cheeks in bitter rivulets. "And obviously you don't because if you did, you wouldn't have disappeared when I needed you most!"

Her voice cracks pitifully at the end of the last shouted syllable and she bows her head, a sob rising in her chest and lodging in her throat. Her breaths leave her in great shuddering gasps and the tears cloud her vision, making it seem as if she is staring through a distorted filter. What little she can see of McCoy at the top of her vision blurs and shimmers as more tears spill down her cheeks and drip onto the floor. Her shoulders shake as she swallows thickly, only to have her throat close on another sob quickly replacing the first. Finally, she plucks up the courage to look Bones in the eye, letting him see her face and the tears falling freely and without restraint. She lets him see the pain and loneliness she's been feeling.

She lets him see how she really feels about him.

Bones sucks in a slow breath and releases it on a low exclamation. "God help me."

The doctor reaches out for Emalee, his right hand sliding into her dirty blonde curls at the back of her neck, tipping her head back a little. His other gently grips her waist, tugging her closer to him. Before she can even comprehend it, Leonard leans forward and kisses her, his lips warm and soft against hers. Emalee stands there frozen for a second before her brain catches up with her and she realizes exactly what is happening. Her eyes flutter shut as she returns the kiss, tasting the salt of her tears but unable to bring herself to care. She raises her arms and, wrapping them around the doctor's neck, presses herself closer to him until their bodies are flush together. Emalee hardly realizes what she's doing, so caught up in the feeling of being in the doctor's arms and kissing him like this. The kiss lasts for a moment longer before Bones pulls away a step and, cupping her face between his hands, looks Emalee straight in the eye.

"Don't you ever think for a second I don't care about you, Emalee," he says, causing emotion to rise in her chest and a few unshed tears slip down her already wet cheeks. Bones brushes away the tears with the pads of his thumbs in a gentle caress.

"B-but on the Enterprise- and the past two weeks...." Emalee knows she must look and sound pathetic, but the way Bones is looking at her, the way she never imagined he would, drives those thoughts away.

"I just- I haven't done this in years and the last time I did, well...." Leonard's eyes close, like he's suppressing bad memories, and he lets out a breath that warms Emalee's face for a moment and smells of peppermint. From what little Bones has told her about his divorce, there's nothing but painful memories there. His eyes open again and meet hers "I don't want to screw this up."

Emalee gives a small smile and runs her fingers gently through the hair at the back of Leonard's head. "You could never do anything that I wouldn't forgive because-." Emalee pauses, swallowing hard. It's now or never. "-because I love you, Leo. I've loved you for so long, I just never knew how to tell you."

Bones stares at her for a moment with something akin to disbelief in his eyes before a smile brightens his face. "God, I'm an idiot." He leans down and kisses her again for a moment before pulling away enough to see her. "I was afraid you'd never want to see my face again. I pushed you away and I'm sorry, Emalee. And, damn it, I love you too. I was just too much of a coward to tell you."

"You're the bravest man I've ever know," Emalee says as she leans up and hugs Leonard tightly. "Remember I said there's nothing you could do that I wouldn't forgive? That's never going to change, Leo."

Emalee's heart soars as Leonard holds her tighter. She loves him and he loves her and they can only boldly go forward from there.

#MundieORiley #Star Trek AOS #Star Trek 2009 #Bones x Oc #Leonard McCoy x Oc #Romulans #Fanfiction #Romance

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vagnada · 5 years ago

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Dubai

Um dos sete emirados e a cidade mais populosa dos Emirados Árabes Unidos (EAU) com aproximadamente 2 262 000 habitantes, recebe 4,7 milhões de visitantes por ano, comparado ao nosso Brasil com apenas 4 milhões.

As Ilhas Artificiais do Mapa Mundi

Dubai

Os sete emirados árabes são Abu Dhabi (capital), Dubai, Sharjah, Ajman, Umm al-Quwain, Ras al-Khaimah e Fujairah.

Investir em Turismo,

O grande investimento em turismo começou há dezesseis anos, tendo um crescimento de turistas de 700%,numa federação dos emirados onde Dubai tem a menor reserva de petróleo ,mas já se prepara para o futuro, investindo em turismo.

O “Dubai Frame”, inaugurado em 16 de janeiro de 2018 ,é um gigantesco porta-retratos, foi projetado em aço , concreto armado , fechamento em pano de vidros laminados , numa verdadeira obra de arte ,com as extremidades num visual em 360 graus, dando aos turistas uma visão do Emirado Árabe – Dubai . As fotos em qualquer ângulo possibilita ao turista do lado externo emoldurar vários ângulos de Dubai ….. Fantástico !!!

História da prosperidade

Em 2 de dezembro de 1971 Dubai, juntamente com Abu Dhabi e outros cinco emirados, formaram os Emirados Árabes Unidos após o ex-protetorado-britânico saiu do Golfo Pérsico em 1971

Opinião Eng. Urb. Vagner Landi

De onde vem a água num deserto total, para abastecer Dubai,

– 90% da água vem da dessalinização da água do mar, que é um processo físico-químico de retirada de sais da água, tornando-a doce e própria para o consumo ,num lugar que chove durante quatro dias no ano e as árvores e os gramados são mantidos por um rigoroso processo de irrigação por aspersão. Se falhar por uma única semana, tudo se transformará em deserto, como era há apenas 30 anos.

Assim como uma versão oriental de Las Vegas, o maior desafio de Dubai é a obtenção de água – que é encontrada em toda parte, mas, no Golfo, só é própria para consumo com a ajuda de grandes usinas de dessalinização. São elas que produzem as emissões de dióxido de carbono que tornaram os Emirados Árabes Unidos um dos países que mais emitem carbono do mundo. As usinas geram ainda uma enorme quantidade de sedimentos que são bombeados de volta ao oceano.

Os níveis de de salinidade do golfo aumentaram de 32.000 para 47.000 partes por milhão em 30 anos.

No limite – Para saciar a sede, os Emirados Árabes dessalinizam o equivalente a 4 bilhões de garrafas de água por dia.

Mar de Dubai

Mas sua fonte é escassa: a região tem em média um suprimento de água estimado para apenas quatro dias. Essa margem de escassez é ainda mais reduzida pelo consumo notório de ícones da construção civil.

Burj Khalifa

A exemplo do Burj Khalifa, considerado o prédio mais alto do mundo, e que sozinho consome o equivalente a quantidade de água em 20 piscinas olímpicas por dia para manter-se com temperatura amena em meio ao deserto.

Economia,

O combustível que alimenta essa economia fascinante é a fartura de petróleo. Num país cuja superfície equivale a pouco mais de um terço do território do Estado de São Paulo, jazem 8,5% das reservas mundiais provadas de petróleo – 97,8 bilhões de barris – e 3,3% das reservas de gás natural (213,5 trilhões de m3). Quase todo ele concentrado no litoral de Abu Dhabi, o óleo dos EAU não se esgotará em menos de um século.

As mulheres usam a Burqa ou Niqab nas ruas quando saem de suas casas e os homens a tradicional vestimenta árabe com aquele turbante e o tradicional chinelo aberto,mas respeitam muito os turistas e também querem ser respeitados,pois as leis são muito severa para quem aprontar,

Conhecer Dubai e não conhecer Abu Dhabi ,sua viagem não será completa ,pois o ideal é ficar o mínimo seis noites em Dubai e quantos dias quiser em Abu Dhabi(Mínimo dois dias)

A Grande Mesquita Sheik Zayed em Abu Dhabi, a capital do Emirados Árabes Unidos foi construída pelo falecido Presidente dos Emirados Árabes Unidos (EAU), HH Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan. Seu lugar de descanso final é localizada no terreno ao lado da mesma mesquita.

Como grande mesquita do país, é o lugar essencial do culto de sexta-feira recolha e orações do Eid. É a maior mesquita nos Emirados Árabes Unidos e números durante Eid pode ser mais de quarenta mil pessoas.

Dimensões e estatísticas da Mesquita

A mesquita acomoda mais de 40.000 adoradores. O salão principal de oração pode acomodar mais de 7.000 fiéis. Existem duas salas pequenas de oração, com uma capacidade de 1.500, cada, um dos quais é o salão de orações do sexo feminino.

Existem quatro minaretes sobre os quatro cantos do pátio que se erguem cerca de 107 m de altura. O pátio, com o seu design floral, mede cerca de 17.000 m2 , e é considerado o maior exemplo de mosaico de mármore do mundo. Sivec de Prilep, Macedónia foi usado no revestimento externo (115,119 metros quadrados de revestimento foi usado na mesquita, incluindo os minaretes) Lasa de Itália foi utilizado nas elevações internas Makrana da Índia foi utilizado nos anexos e escritórios Aquabiana e Biano da Itália Oriente Branco e Verde Ming da China

A Torre Burj Khalifa Bin Zayid ,

O Burj Khalifa Bin Zayid em Dubai, nos Emirados Árabes Unidos, é, o maior arranha-céu já construído pelo homem, com 828 metros de altura e visto de cima, o Burj Khalifa forma uma flor-de-lótus, sagrada no Oriente.

SONY DSC

Finalmente inaugurado no dia 4 de janeiro de 2010,consumindo o equivalente ao gasto de 500 mil lâmpadas de 100 watts ao mesmo tempo de energia elétrica e necessita de 1 000 000 litros de água por dia.

Foi rebatizada devido ao empréstimo feito por Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan, xeique do emirado de Abu Dhabi, depois que este emprestou US$ 10 bilhões para evitar que Dubai desse um calote em investidores de uma de suas principais companhias, a Dubai World

O edifício faz parte de uma área de 2 km² em desenvolvimento, chamada “Downtown Burj Dubai”, sinceramente um dos lugares mais lindos do muno que já vi,construído pelo homem,localizado no “First Interchange”, ao lado das duas principais avenidas da cidade, a Sheikh Zayed Roade a Financial Centre Road (anteriormente conhecida como Doha Street). O arquiteto do edifício é Adrian Smith, que trabalhou com a Skidmore, Owings and Merrill até 2006. A empresa de arquitetura e engenharia sediada na cidade de Chicago ficou encarregada do projeto. As primeiras empreiteiras são a Samsung Engineering & Construction, a Besix e a Arabtec. A Turner Construction Company foi escolhida para comandar o projeto.

No dia 17 de janeiro de 2009 o Burj Dubai alcançou sua altura final de 828 metros. O Burj Khalifa possui um posto de observação a 442 metros de altura,no 142º andar.

Vista do 142º andar

Vista do 142º andar,onde se vê o complexo dos lagos artificiais da fonte das águas dançantes,um show a parte no Downtown Dubai.

Vista Burj Khalifa

O orçamento total do projeto do Burj Khalifa girou em torno de 4,1 bilhões de dólares e para toda a nova “Downtown Dubai”, 20 000 milhões de dólares.Mohamed Ali Alabbar, o presidente da Emaar Propertiers falou no 8º Congresso Mundial do Council on Tall Buildings and Urban Habitat, que o preço do metro quadrado de sala de escritório é de US$ 43 000 dólares, e a Armani Residences, imobiliária encarregada das vendas dos apartamentos, comercializava o metro quadrado das salas por 37 500 dólares.

Com o aço que foi preciso para construir o Burj Khalifa, daria para construir uma estrada percorrendo 1/4 da circunferência terrestre (dos Estados Unidos ao Oriente Médio).

Burj Al Arab

A construção do Burj Al Arab tem início em 1994. Localizado no Golfo pérsico, ele foi construído sobre uma ilha artificial de areia, que levou dois anos para sua formação contendo estrutura de concreto e três níveis no subsolo. Ele foi construído para assemelhar-se com a vela de um dhow, um tipo de barco Árabe. Duas colunas partindo do chão até o topo originaram um “V” formando um imenso “mastro”, enquanto que o espaço entre elas foi erguido os andares. O arquiteto Tom Wright disse: “O cliente queria um edifício que se tornasse um ícone ou simbolo declarado de Dubai, que seja espantosamente lindo e semelhante a Ópera de Sydney, ou como a parisiense Torre Eiffel. Ele precisava de ser um edifício que iria tornar-se sinônimo do Nome daquele país.

Burj Al Arab

O jantar neste hotel custa AED 500/Pessoa com direito a consumação ou ir somente no Bar por AED 225 com direito a consumação,tendo de confirmar presença fornecendo o numero do cartão de crédito e se não comparecer será descontado do seu cartão,caso você não cancele com antecedência. Este.Este lugar é imperdível!..(Veja no detalhe onde fica o Restaurante/Bar) e o Heli ponto.

O arquiteto e consultor de engenharia para o projeto foi Atkins, a maior consultoria multidisciplinar do Reino Unido. O hotel foi construído pelo grupo Sul-Africano de construção Murray & Roberts.A construção do hotel custou $ 650 milhões.

A Arquitetura fascinante em Ilhas Artificiais

Ilhas em Dubai

Edifícios Inteligentes

Fascinante andar pelas avenidas de Dubai e observar o retorno que o governo proporciona em qualidade de vida.Os canteiros e praças ao entorno de avenidas,ruas ou até mesmo nas estradas,são irrigados diariamente para manter o verde e o coloridos das flores naturais,com um sistema de drenagem onde as mangueiras são visíveis a olho nu. Dubai,hoje,é a cidade que mais consome água no mundo para cuidar de seus jardins,equivalente a 250 milhões de litros de água por dia,dessalinizada da água do mar num sistema astronomicamente produtivo,pois a cidade foi criada em cima do deserto e chuvas só quatro dias por ano na média.

Resort’s Particulares

Resort Particular

Ilhas Particulares

Ilha Particular

Condomínios criados em ilhas artificiais

Palm Jumeirah

Palm Jumeirah – Projeto da Ilha

De acordo com o material desenvolvedor publicidade , a Palm Jumeirah ilha terá hotéis temáticos, três tipos de villas (moradias assinatura, Casas Jardim e Casas Canal Cove cidade), prédios de apartamentos, praias, marinas, restaurantes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDQQ3FHJqbc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eUcRjo9Yv4

Taxis aquáticos

Saiba um pouco mais sobre a dessalinização da água do mar , tecnologia de primeiro mundo em Dubai, no Blog da Política Urbana,

https://engvagnerlandi.com/2015/02/08/dubai-dessalinizacao-da-agua-do-mar-%e8%bf%aa%e6%8b%9c-%e6%b5%b7%e6%b0%b4%e6%b7%a1%e5%8c%96-dubai-seawater-desalination-%e3%83%89%e3%83%90%e3%82%a4-%e6%b5%b7%e6%b0%b4%e6%b7%a1/

Deixe seu comentário que o mesmo respondido e publicado ,

Obrigado,

اترك تعليقك بأن الإجابة نفسها ونشرها ،

شكرا

DUBAI – CIDADE JARDIM no DESERTO -Emirados Árabes – Sea water desilinization in Dubai Um dos sete emirados e a cidade mais populosa dos Emirados Árabes Unidos (EAU) com aproximadamente 2 262 000 habitantes, recebe 4,7 milhões de visitantes por ano, comparado ao nosso Brasil com apenas 4 milhões.

#Burj Al Arab #Burj Khalifa #como ir para Dubai #Dessalinização da Água do Mar #Dubai Frame #História de Dubai #Onde fica Dubai #Palm Jumeirah #Qual o edifício mais alto do mundo #Quantos Países Emirados árabes

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regismubarak · 5 years ago

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Andrà Tutto Bene – Cristóvam – “Vai ficar tudo bem!” Por Régis Mubarak.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSH_4xnE76k

youtube

Compartilho com vocês esse vídeo mui tocante que recebi hoje de amigos que residem na Espanha. O cantor de origem portuguesa chama-se Cristóvam e montou o clip em parceria com o amigo cineasta Pedro Varela. A letra belíssima por sinal, da canção intitulada “Andrà tutto bene” redesenha com pitadas de poesia e carinho fraternal que há esperança para esse momento estranho que assola todo o nosso planeta sem dó nem piedade. As imagens em preto e branco por si só já são de pura esperança! Esperança que nos move a continuar. A lutar e jamais desistir. Esperança de que tudo isso vai acabar em breve. Que tudo vai ficar bem! Cristóvam segundo meus amigos espanhóis, lançou o clip primeiramente no idioma italiano e logo a seguir em inglês, mas na velocidade do hiperespaço a canção já viralizou e recebeu tradução em vários idiomas. “Vai ficar tudo bem” nos diz Cristóvam “em português” com imagens captadas ao redor do mapa mundi, como salienta nos créditos finais da obra. “Vai ficar tudo bem!” E que todos nós possamos ajudar-mo-nos uns aos outros a saírmos desse momento pavoroso sãos e salvos. E principalmente extremamente melhores do que éramos até então! Gracias Cristóvam e Pedro Varela. Muchas Gracias!

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delicatelysuperbasement · 5 years ago

Video

youtube

Mapa Mundi virando um Globo Terrestre

Quarta-Feira, Agosto 1, 2018 # PALAVRAS REFLETEM: • O mundo inteiro está ordenado e organizado de forma que tudo vá ao encontro das necessidades do povo de Deus. J. A. Motyer

• Tudo o que acontece no mundo executa a mesma obra: a glória do Pai e a salvação de seus filhos. Daniel Rowlands

* ouça música instrumental: Lindo, amo o som de violino. Descansarei pois sei que és Deus. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0Jtw_JzKIs&pbjreload=10

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skoulsons · 1 year ago

Text

Also!! Mundi watched 5x12 of AoS and I have been losing it watching The Scene alongside her and Rotting over it!! She’s gonna gif it!!!! I’m writing some Daisy and Coulson!!

Funny enough, I’ve never written for them despite them being who I consider to be my relationship 💀 so that’s been fun

A monumental day

#I was sitting and giggling up a storm earlier when she was texting me #I’ve been teasing her about season 5 #and she’s MADE IT #now for some other scenes for her to get to 🤭#agents of shield #aos

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ellies-enrichment · 5 months ago

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THANK for saving that text post. 😘

I hope your Fourth of July was enjoyable, but even more importantly I hope you're enjoying your Bloody Thursday today (longshoreman holiday, at least here on the West Coast with ILWU. Don't know if the East Coast/Gulf ILA celebrates 🤔)! I was gonna go to my local's Bloody Thursday picnic, but I got a grain shift yesterday... And I was an idiot and didn't wear a dust mask, so my respiratory system is all inflamed and hacky rn. 💀

So take this as a lesson to all you kids: ALWAYS WEAR YOUR P.P.E., FOR THE LOVE OF COULSON. PLEASE. PROTECT YOUR BODY. 💀

Also, you reach the 100th eppy for AoS yet??? Or are you gonna wait for L and Mundi to hold your hand??? *I would personally recommend the handholding. You're probs gonna need it cause it's a ✨doozy✨. 👀

My 4th was nice !! I watched The Great Wall and ate birthday cake

My day is being spent packing so far and waiting for my Zee 🥰 I'm heading to our designated meeting spot for L and Mundi today (Mundi should be with us tomorrow & L on Sunday) and I figure by Wednesday we'll have seen the 100th episode (I'm CLOSE !! I'm on like 509 I think and L said we can power through from there since we all stay up late 💀) I'm so nervous but seeing Hunter was a nice surprise the other episode i hope he comes back again with Bobbi this time

#pLS IM MANIFESTING YOUR LUNGS BEING CLEAN AND CLEAR #i hate dust 😭 prospect core #aos anon

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likea-black-widow-baby · 4 years ago

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~ Season seven let’s go bitches ~

Daisy in 30’s clothing is the cutest thing ever and Mack also looks dapper as heck

Lmao a saving FDR plot The Umbrella Academy called they want their nutcase idea back

AHAHAHAHA MAY FERAL ON THE CIELING that was somehow both badass and AWESOME yet utterly hilarious

Elena in/complaining about period clothing is top tier

“I’m a doctor not a dame” same energy as “what’s your name darling?” “Agent.”

And Jemma disarming a weapon with shit she finds around the bar??? This season is really driving home the Jemma/Peggy similarities huh, totally unsurprised she impersonates her later

May flipping over things is something that can be so personal

OHMYGODOHMTGOD IS THIS THE ONE WHERE SIMMONS IMPERSONATES PEGGY

JMSKFJSIUFUEOFISHFIIDOFNFJEIDKFKJFJFIFJDIJDOFJFOF YE S

M o i s t

BITCH ITS SOUSA!!!!! WHAT A BOY!!

Wait Sousa was patting down his hair before supposedly seeing “Peggy” and didn’t seem to know what she was up to, what happened to them between ‘47 and ‘55????

From Coulson upsetting an old lady and using the word “moist” to unnerve a scientist to Jemma Simmons staring Daniel Sousa in the face and telling him she is Peggy Carter and him going “no💗” to Mack Elena and May staring down Deke until he walks away muttering “stupid white privilege” this episode is PEAK comedy

“He called me oriental.” I am on the FLOOR 10/10

So how is May so hot in that chunky pilots outfit I swear Ming ages in reverse

IS MAY HAVING A PANIC ATTACK????

This dramatic ass noir opening I can’t this is so Coulson

SOUSA WAS SUPPOSED TO DIE??? BUT WASNT HE SUPPOSEDLY PEGGYS HUSBAND WHAT IM CONFUSED

Wait May has Mantis powers now (and is somehow prettier and younger than before??? She legit ages in reverse)

That 70’s style opener was PERFECT

So they haven’t explained why Yo Yo’s powers aren’t working

MAJJISHDID MAYS LITTLE HICCUP May being contact drunk is SO funny why is this season so funny

Is- is Rick played by the guy who voices Kronk

What Has Happened To Mack

Of course Deke became the Klaus Hargreeves of inventing music before it came out

BUT DEKE CAN SING AH MORE CHARACTERS SINGING PLEASE I now demand a bus crew karaoke night

Mack is being such a dick to Deke when this is like Deke’s best season

JIA YING!!! Also petition to let May speak Mandarin more often

May soothing Elena is just A+

I know I’m putting a lot of May thirst but it’s the last season and I’ve earned it by sitting through season five

I have never been more grateful May got Plot Device powers because this Melinda “repress to impress” May and Yo Yo “I murder people who piss me off” Rodriguez Explore Yo Yo’s Emotional Past scene is GOLD

MAYS FACE AHHDOFJDO THIS IS SO FUNNY

Of course they’re sparring to stimulate emotions this is a spectacularly done scene and a fantastic interpretation of both of their characters

Also May’s mussed hair is amazing

Bless this May And Elena Deal With Emotions scene, it is now one of my favorite scenes in this whole show

HSLFJAKDNKD THIS TIME LOOP EPISODE IS GOLD

AHHAHAHAHA THAT DOUSY KISS HE LOOKS SO BLISSFUL AND CONFUSED

Oh ym god the Implications of Enoch literally handing Jemma his heart in order to save everyone

Mack giving Sousa the older brother talk is everything I never knew I needed

Okay I still don’t understand May’s powers but her standing up on her tip toes to hug Daisy and then not understanding why is PRECIOUS

FITZ!!!!

Oh they managed to shoehorn in the “correct” MCU definition of time travel <3

“The Cavalry” I AM LEGITIMATELY SHAKING RIGHT NOW HAS THERE EVER BEEN A BETTER WOMAN

Also I feel like May should have completed the “Science, biatch” trifecta and said “The Cavalry, BITCH”

FITZSIMMONS BABY END MY LIFE END ME

OAhhhh shit this is the last scene oh god oh fuck

Fuck

#Mundie watches AOS #AOS #Agents of Shield #Melinda May #Elena Rodriguez #yo yo rodriguez #aos season 7

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baucomicshop · 7 years ago

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umacoletaneapraele · 7 years ago

Text

Apenas quatro ou cinco minutinhos.

Mixtape nº1: “O meu carinho anda longe dos teus planos.” 01. Enchanted - Taylor Swift 02. Oração - A Banda Mais Bonita da Cidade 03. Teardrops On My Guitar - Taylor Swift 04. If This Was a Movie - Taylor Swift 05. Axis Mundi - Fresno 06. Born to Die - Lana 07. Direção - Manu Gavassi Bônus Track: Luzes de Dezembro - Mariana Nolasco (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlJeMKSWGes)

“All I know is I was enchanted to meet you”

Manu Gavassi sempre dizia que pra cada amor, ela compunha (no mínimo) 5 músicas. Se eu soubesse compor músicas, pra você já existiriam 5 álbuns. Mas eu como eu só sei escrever textos aleatórios, eu tenho 5 tumbls.

“Meu amor, essa é a última oração Pra salvar seu meu coração”

Em uma das queimas de cartinhas para Nossa Senhora Auxiliadora que há na faculdade todo ano, eu fiquei encarando o pedaço de papel sem saber o que pedir, sem saber no que focar. Resolvi começar agradecendo, bem clichêzinha, mas depois disso, e aí? O intuito da cerimônia é pedir intervenção divina. Uma parte de mim disse baixinho “vamos, você sabe o que você tem que pedir.”, outra parte respondeu “não seja fútil, ninguém pede ajuda amorosa pra santa”, lá do fundinho, aquela parte que todo mundo tem, que vai além da razão e da emoção e realmente sabe das coisas, veio calma e falou “entrega e confia, ninguém vai saber, ninguém vai ler”. E aí eu comecei, e não parei até preencher dois bilhetes frente e verso.

Eu descrevi a pessoa que eu precisava comigo. Sem pensar em alguém específico, sem deixar meus sentimentos por ninguém influenciar, sem pensar no físico, sem mencionar características limitadas, sem exigir alguém perfeito. Só deixei meu coração encontrar conforto na esperança da existência em algum lugar do espaço-tempo da pessoa que ele pedia.

Eu desabafei naquele pedaço de papel, eu chorei. Eu respirei aliviada e me senti ridícula. E ri de ser ridícula enquanto dobrava os papéis juntos e jogava dentro do tonel.

Acenderam a fogueira. Minhas amigas não quiseram ficar pra assistir. A voz pediu: “fica”

Antes de qualquer movimento, de qualquer pessoa ir embora, um bilhete dobrado inteiro subiu do tonel em linha reta, se abriu lentamente enquanto queimava pairando no ar, depois seguiu subindo em direção ao céu até se desfazer em cinzas completamente. Pessoas riram com olhares encantados no rosto. Pessoas choraram. “Ela já escolheu quem vai atender primeiro”, brincavam.

Em chamas. Vermelho. Laranja. Duas folhas dobradas juntas.

“He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star He's the song in the car I keep singing Don't know why I do.”

Você sabe como eu te conheci. Você sabe porque eu queria tentar me aproximar. Talvez você não saiba porque desde o começo a gente deu certo. Eu não sei, pelo menos. Eu poderia dizer que eu sei o porquê eu me apaixonei por você, mas eu não sei nem direito quando isso aconteceu. Não, não foi naquele dia em que eu te disse que te via mais do que como amigo. Eu só sei que quando eu me dei conta, eu percebi: 1) que você tinha exatamente tudo o que eu queria em alguém, até os defeitos; 2) que eu poderia deixar esse sentimento se desenvolver ou me afastar de você antes que ele crescesse demais e tomasse conta de mim (a gente sabe qual eu escolhi); 3) que eu tava muito, muito, ferrada porque o timing na sua vida não poderia ser mais errado.

Como a gente diz pra alguém que ela é a pessoa que a gente pede no fundo do nosso coração há anos? Com uma música? Com um texto? Com carinho diário? Eu não sei, eu não descobri. Eu nunca disse. Eu quero dizer. Eu to dizendo agora: você todinho é a minha resposta àquela carta. Eu não pedi pra ter aquela pessoa, porque pessoas não são propriedades. Eu pedi pro caminho dela cruzar com o meu.

“If this was a movie, you'd be here by now.”

Você é a primeira pessoa que eu penso quando acordo. A última que eu penso antes de dormir. Eu sonho com você pelo menos quatro vezes por semana. É você que eu imagino me confortando quando eu tenho uma crise depressiva. É o seu abraço que eu quero quando eu to ansiosa. É em você que eu penso quando eu vejo um filme onde o casal principal dá certo. E se eles dão errado, é em você que eu penso também, com o coração pesado. É com você que eu sinto vontade de compartilhar a vista de cada lugar lindo que eu vejo, cada céu estupidamente estrelado. Eu, que nunca liguei pra flores, me pego chorando toda vez que vejo alguém recebendo um buquê. Eu nunca amei tanto olhar nos olhos de alguém como eu amo olhar nos teus. Eu nunca me senti tão cheia de paz por um momento tão simples como quando aconteceu quando você deitou no meu colo. Eu tenho medo de um dia te ver e não aguentar, porque a sua proximidade física mexe comigo de um jeito que nenhuma outra pessoa conseguiu. Eu nunca quis tanto dar pelo menos um beijo em alguém como eu quero com você. Eu nunca quis conhecer mais e mais de uma pessoa como eu quero com você. Ninguém nunca me levou a escrever um puta texto no meio da madrugada só porque é Dia dos Namorados. Aliás, eu, que nunca liguei pra essa data, passei dois dias pensando involuntariamente em todas as coisas que eu poderia fazer pra você se pudesse.

Eu sou grata ao universo só por ter te conhecido e estar tendo a capacidade de sentir tudo o que eu sinto. Porque é imenso. É maior do que eu. Do que você. Ter esse sentimento correspondido já era ter muito mais sorte do que eu vou ter na minha vida toda. Mas eu ainda rezo. Eu ainda tenho esperanças. Eu não consigo não ter. Eu não consigo fazer meu coração parar de gritar teu nome pro universo esperando ele dar alguma resposta que não seja meu próprio eco.

“Sem ter razão, eu te dei meu coração Sem saber que eu precisava dele pra viver”

Coração bobo. Caixa frágil. Cuidado com o que você faz com ele.

“Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry Sometimes love is not enough And the road gets tough, I don’t know why.”

Em algum ponto do caminho, você sentiu que tinha coisas que não poderia me dizer ou fazer porque me deixaria mal, ou eu não iria gostar, ou ficaria brava, ou alguma coisa do tipo.

Em alguma parte do caminho, eu acreditei que eu mesma não seria o suficiente pra fazer você se interessar. Eu nunca menti pra você, mas ocultei e “editei” muita coisa, fingi conhecimento e desconhecimento, tentei parecer uma versão melhorada.

Agora, você não consegue se sentir mais confortável comigo porque se podou tanto que não é você mesmo quando tá comigo. E eu fico com uma constante sensação de que você não me conhece realmente e metade da Carol que tem na sua cabeça é uma projeção.

As vezes você presume umas coisas sobre mim que eu fico sem entender de onde veio. As vezes você demonstra uma certa “surpresa” em saber que eu quero ou gosto de coisas que eu sempre quis e gostei e todo mundo aqui sabe.

As vezes eu sinto que você tá guardando pra você uma piada, uma informação, uma memória, um acontecimento, e eu já tinha compreendido isso como uma perda lenta de interesse na minha companhia. E aí eu descobri que não tem nada a ver com você ter achado pessoas mais interessantes pra compartilhar sua vida, mas sim pessoas que você não se dobrava.

Eu não quero que você se pode. Eu não quero que você tenha que escolher palavras com cuidado além do normal. Eu quero que você volte a falar comigo o tanto que falava antes. Porque eu sei que você mudou como pessoa, mas também sei que você mudou muito comigo, e que não é todo mundo que só recebe resposta de uma linha independente do assunto.

Eu quase mudei pra São Paulo só por sua causa. Hoje eu vejo que deveria ter mudado. Porque eu acho que o amigo que você seria comigo em uma mesa de bar não é o mesmo que você é pelo celular. Porque, infelizmente, de uns tempos pra cá você praticamente só tá lidando com a Carol das crises e da ansiedade, enquanto todo mundo também está convivendo com a mesma Carol que faz piadinha tosca (vai, pode chamar de “humor negro”, eu que não gosto desse termo), que faz os amigos rirem porque é meio doida, que sempre sabe o que dizer pra tentar confortar um amigo, que os olhos brilham de empolgação sobre assuntos que ninguém mais se empolga, que fala abertamente e tranquilamente sobre quase todos os assuntos (eu juro que eu não sou tão briguenta). Você enxerga esse meu lado? Você conheceu esse lado? Será que você lembra que ele existe?

Eu não sou nem de longe tão legal quanto alguém que mora em uma cidade grande. Morar tanto tempo em uma cidade pequena molda a gente, mesmo que a gente resista a isso. Mas eu também não sou a menina mimada, fresca ou meio tapada que as vezes você parece ver em mim.

“Eu já nem durmo mais, não Só fecho os olhos e penso em você Só fecho os olhos e tento entender O que me trouxe aqui.”

Eu queria poder voltar no dia que eu te chamei pela primeira vez e recomeçar a nossa história. Na verdade, eu queria ter esperado um pouco mais pra isso. Mas eu não posso. Eu posso tentar mudar o rumo daqui pra frente, mas eu não vou fazer isso sozinha. Eu não consigo. Não depende só de mim.

Oi, eu me chamo Carol, e gostaria de te conhecer (direito), você quer também?

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