#‘The summer I died’ the most violent book ever!

[writtenbyfionaapple]

exquisite corpse has its issues but it really made me think every book in the splatterpunk genre would be just as well written

[dracoxmalereader]

Summer Sun

Draco x Male Reader

Context: A continuation of All at Once and Windowsill, but ofc you don't have to read those to read this. Reader is a ravenclaw a year above Draco. <3 And Draco can play the organ because I said so.

Summary: The train rides home on the last day of school always drag on endlessly. Unless, of course, you just so happen to be sharing a less than spacious cabin with the ravenclaw you're obsessed with like Draco is.

Word Count: 1107

The wheels of the Hogwarts Express rumbled steadily against the tracks, chugging along its monotonous route. The cars had long since fallen to relative quiet, chatter having died down in place of fatigue from a year well-attended. Most students present were either lazily gazing out a window at the familiar scenery or asleep altogether, well ready to snooze through the journey home.

Draco leaned against his hand, shifting his weight every so often to stave off the aches that came with sitting still. Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy had gone silent, leaving Draco alone with his thoughts. He huffed, pushing himself out of his seat and mumbling some excuse about going to get air and trailing away through the cars of the train in hopes to ease his boredom. 

He was clammy, the warmth and humidity of an approaching July seeping into the air. He tugged at the collar of his shirt in discomfort, damp skin tacky against the fabric. He mosied on, hoping to run into the snack cart or maybe even Potter and his posse to pick on. Instead, he stopped in his tracks when he caught sight of familiar hair through the heat-fogged window of one of the cabins.

The air caught in his throat. You looked as breathtaking as ever, book in hand as he found you usually were. He ducked into the doorway, hoping you wouldn’t comment on him sliding the door shut behind him. He slumped down onto the bench beside you, trying to ignore the racing of his pulse when you looked over at him in favor of acting as nonchalant as he could manage.

You were wearing casual clothes he’d never seen you in before, only having ever run into you during the school day. Something about the informality of it made Draco’s head spin, and he felt heat rising to his face as he imagined you looking as at-home and cozy in his family Manor. Suddenly the weather didn’t seem all that warm.

“Celebrating the end of the year alone?” The smile you gave him made his heart flutter. He was entirely too proud of himself for landing the joke, and he wanted nothing more than to make you laugh until your sides hurt.

“Hello to you, too, Draco.” Your eyes left him and returned to your book, still smiling. Draco was a professional at competing for attention, but right now he found the only competition that mattered was for yours, and he was not going to lose to a book. 

“What are you reading?” He leaned into your space, and his lungs lurched up his throat when you leaned into his, tilting the pages towards him. So close together, Draco swore he could smell your clothes, boyish and earthy and so distinctly you he’d shell out hundreds of galleons on Amortentia to get more of it, to be engulfed in it.

“It’s for Herbology, I’m reading ahead so I can sleep through class next year.” How admirable, Draco thought to himself, a little flustered at the fantastical image of you as a class-cutting bad boy. You flipped to a page you’d already read, one with a picture. “This is the chapter about Whomping Willows.”

“Like the nutty tree behind the school?” Draco asked, even though he knew already. He just wanted you to keep talking.

You nodded, “Exactly.” You straightened in your seat, shimmying to get comfortable again. Draco’s throat ached at the loss of closeness. 

“Violent thing, it is. Or so I’ve heard.” He made a point to sound open-ended, hoping you’d take it as a question rather than the statement it was. 

“Yeah,” You took the bait, and Draco didn’t fail to notice how you didn’t turn back to the page you were reading. “Some idiot in the year above me flew right past it on his broom once, almost got knocked all the way to Hogsmeade.”

“What kind of oaf would go flying past the Whomping Willow?”

“Beats me,” You huff out a laugh. “Sounds like something that thickheaded Potter would get himself into.”

Draco’s stomach churned in jealousy at the mention of his scar-headed enemy. He rolled his eyes, deciding that Potter’s name was the only thing that didn’t sound good in your mouth. You closed your book, tossing it haphazardly to the bench on the opposite side of the cabin. Pulling your legs up, you tugged your knees to your chest, now facing Draco. His eyes met yours and he felt like his tongue had melted, response dying in his mouth.

“You would totally survive.” You blinked at him, smiling. Too focused on your eyelashes, he found that the object of conversation had slipped his mind entirely. 

“Uh,” He choked out, lost in your unfaltering grin. “Survive what?”

“The Whomping Willow.” 

He cleared his throat, embarrassment creeping up his face. “Oh, right.”

“You’re a great seeker,” You continued. “So I think you’d be fine if you flew past it.”

His veins thrummed at the praise. An unfamiliar feeling of bashfulness filled him. He felt the overwhelming urge to go to quidditch practice, his mind feeding him images of you cheering him on at a game. 

He wanted to win every quidditch game for the rest of his time at Hogwarts just so you’d congratulate him, wanted to win the quidditch world cup and present the trophy to you as a courting gift.

“I’m only second best, you know.” He fought a smile, unable to feel sour at his words with you around. He hoped you’d say something nice about him to better it if he did, hoped you’d say something nice about him anyways. "After that thickheaded Potter."

“Second best is still on the podium. You’d probably be first if Dumbledork didn’t have the whole school giving Gryffindor special treatment, anyways.” In your eyes was a spark he couldn’t read, your expression even. Draco wanted to make you a Malfoy. 

From the nickname you’d given Dumbledore to the backhanded Potter slander, Draco Malfoy had made up his mind that he wanted you to leave this train at his stop and come live in the Manor with him and his parents. He wanted to watch you play with his father’s peacocks, wanted to teach you to play the organ, wanted to show you off to his mother and show her how well he’d done for himself bringing you home to them. 

He felt his ribs expand around the next shaky breath he took in, and he was thankful for the summer sun beating down over the sky so he had an excuse to be as red and clammy as he was sure he was.

I started this at like 2am and now it's 5:11 I hope this is good. TT

Draco is well worth ruining my sleep schedule. <3

It's his fault anyways, I had a dream that we were in bloxburg and he was in my room because Hatsune Miku was trying to kill him and he broke my bedframe kicking it. Why was he kicking my bedframe? I let him hide from Miku in my room, that ungrateful brat. I was so mad I woke up.

Tags: @gayaristocrat @nowayisthistakenyet @dracoshusband

[foreveralwaysanauthor]

So, I've been busy a lot lately with chauffeuring my niece to the blueberry picking job she's taken on this summer and work, the latter of which isn't really a surprise, I'm sure, but, anyway, I've been listening to the new Outsiders musical and I just- 😭 There are so many songs I could use for stories/one-shots, but I need to write out little snippets of it all for now, because I can't keep them to myself anymore, and I need to write this out before I leave to work at camp for the summer lmaooo.

I'm going to start off by comparing some main characters. I won't go into much detail as the book/movie do it a far better justice than I ever could, but I'll compare them as best I can. You'll probably see a lot of similarities right off the bat, but trust me, it gets weirder the more you see how close they are. I swear, when I made these characters, I had outgrown my love for The Outsiders, but now it's like 👀 did I though? Anyway, yeah, onto the comparisons...

Ponyboy Curtis (Yes, that's his real name. 14, loves movies and books to escape reality, gets jumped by kids from the other side of town a lot) is most similar to Bentley. Pony is the main character and longs to escape Tulsa, Oklahoma and the ongoing (somewhat violent) feud between the prissy rich people on the West side of town (Socs or Socialites) and the blue-collar, hardworking people in poverty on the East side of town (Greasers). He dreams of more and uses books and movies as a way to mentally escape the area he lives in.

Sodapop Curtis (Again, yeah, that is his birth-given name. 16, works at a gas station to help their oldest brother with bills. Dropped out of school to work more after their parents passed away) I think is most like Royce. They're both hardworking and feel like they should do more to help their family. However, where Royce sort of struggles with being able to relax and be a kid, Soda feels like the rope in a game of tug-of-war as Pony and their older brother Darrel can sometimes be at each other's throats. He's their peacekeeper, but his efforts don't always work. Also, as an aside, Jason Schmidt from Rise of the Pink Ladies plays Sodapop in the musical and he is incredible!

Darrel "Darry" Curtis (The only one of the brothers with a normal name. 20, sole provider for his brothers, works pretty much all day, every day. Basically just a really exhausted, overworked guy who was forced to grow up too quickly and step up as parent to his brothers) is, you guessed it, Miles. I based a bit of Miles personality off of Darry anyway, so it's not that hard to see the similarities, but still. Unlike Miles being relatively secure financially (or so he claims in front of friends), Darry is struggling. He works from sunup until long after sundown to provide as much as he can, but it isn't easy. Pony doesn't really take in all that Darry does for him and Soda until something happens and it sort of hits him all at once, meanwhile, Bentley and Royce know full well what Miles does for them and are both immensely grateful.

Johnny Cade (16, best friend of Ponyboy, they get into a lot of trouble together. He's seen as the kicked puppy of the group as he was jumped not long before the story takes place and would have died if not for Pony and their friends.) I could see as August, especially after reading his info page. I won't go too far into things, but his home life was terrible, so he sometimes slept in the empty lot by their house to stay away from home. He doubted his family would care if he ended up dead, and sadly, I think he was right.

Dallas "Dally" Winston (17, wild card of the group, frequently in and out of jail for fighting with just about anyone) is a hard one to place, but I'd have to say he's probably a mixture of Zack and Butchy. Dallas was very protective of those he cared about, but he had a tendency to go about it all wrong. He had been behind bars more than anyone else in the group for a myriad of reasons, but he didn't regret a single night of it so long as it meant he protected one of his own.

Sherri "Cherry" Valance (16, is a Soc from the West side) would be most like Vivien, but I have a part of me that sees Carrie in her as well, and I'll explain more in a moment with a song. For now, just know that, in the show/movie/book, Pony has a crush on Cherry, but she seems to like Soda as she knows him from local rodeos where he does barrel racing. She says that more than once that it's easier to talk with Pony than with anyone from her side of the town, and they get along really well as friends throughout.

Now that I've done a bit of character comparison, I'm going to say that I could see this musical being inspiration for a What If? scenario (I know, I have a lot of those haha) where everything sort of takes place in the 60s in Myrtle Beach, before the boys leave town. I have a handful of other ideas as well for individual stories and one-shots, but just hear me out, alright? I promise, it gets good. Maybe, by the end of this, you'll be just as invested as I am; who knows?

Starting strong, we have the song Tulsa '67. Typical with most musicals, this is the introduction song that sets the scene, but I just love the way Brody Grant (Ponyboy) makes everything feel. Like, if you close your eyes, you can feel the world around you. Well, I can, at least. My small town was very similar back in the day - or so I've heard from my uncles.

Skipping to Runs in the Family, I have to say, this song is very Miles coded. I based a bit of Miles personality off of Darrel "Darry" Curtis anyway, so it makes sense, but this song just solidifies it for me. Brent Comer is amazing as Darry, but if I close my eyes, I can almost picture Miles singing this. Like, tell me some of those lyrics don't seem like they're taking them straight out of Miles' mind!

Next up is Great Expectations. I don't have a full idea for this one, but just hits different as a writer as well as someone who feels somewhat stuck in their town. It seems like there are only a rare few who make it out of the area, and when you're stuck there, you want to dream big, so that's what Ponyboy sings about. I can imagine this being either Miles or Royce (primarily Royce) singing, but I'll let you decide.

Now, let me just say that I Could Talk to You All Night gave me multiple ideas, but I'm going to keep my list short. My first instinct was a Miles and Carrie one-shot as it feels very much like them pre-relationship. Just a night where they realize that the chasm between their social classes isn't as wide as they were made to think it was, and they bond over simple things. My other thought was, of course, Royce and Vivien, for the same reason. Vivien's family is definitely at least upper middle class, but I feel like, if they were in school together at the same time, in a similar situation to the original story (Socs vs. Greasers), they'd find it somewhat awkward at first to get along before relaxing with each other and talking each other's ears off. Either way, it's adorable!

One song I have mixed ideas for is the reprise of Runs in the Family. Of course, the Murphy boys are my primary idea, but it's hard to imagine them arguing to that point. Then again... maybe that could be an interesting arc...

Run Run Brother has become one of my exercise songs, and it's been really motivational, but that's beside the point. The only idea I've had for this was that, after Miles leaves town, Royce and Bentley plan to follow him, but get held back by their father, who won't let them go without a fight. When he pins Bentley to the wall in a chokehold, Royce stabs him, takes Bentley, and they run to Uncle Tommy's, where this song takes place. I've had different versions of this one-shot in my mind before, but this one feels the most fleshed out.

Throwing in the Towel made me genuinely cry the first time I heard it. After the events of the last song I mentioned, Ponyboy and Johnny ran away, but Darry and Soda only find out what happened after they're long gone. Darry, of course, blames himself for everything, and I can just imagine this being Miles' reaction if Bentley were to ever run away from home for any reason. Also, seeing the live version on The Today Show made me so emotional, and the hug at the end of the video was very fitting.

The movie didn't do the book's version of Soda's Letter a justice, but the musical got it right. I can only imagine this following the last idea I gave you, so do with that as you will.

Little Brother is the type of song that feels like how a person with nothing left to lose would feel. Feeling like nobody cares about the people you've lost, nothing matters to you now without those people, and you've already crossed the line of no return, so why not go all the way? Even without having read the book or watched the movie, you can feel the heaviness of the lyrics as the song picks up. You probably don't want to know what I've had cooking in my head for this one, so I'm going to leave it for another time. Just know that I have things cooking already...

Now, I'll let you look into the rest of the show, but just know that I love it and hope to one day see it with the original cast. I've been a bit of a TikTok stalker lately, but my fyp is filled with Outsiders stuff anyway, so it's been great. Hopefully, you've liked my little ramble session because I'm about to tumble down my Outsiders obsession for the umpteenth time since I first read the book in the 8th grade. Anyway, have a great day! I have a bit of extra time to write today, so I'm going to use as much as I can.

[aurathian]

Give me the shittiest soulmate scenario you can come up with but with a happy ending for zelink, please. 😆

hi zelmo!!!! happy birthday!!!!! i decided to go ahead and write your request (finally...) since its ur special day!!! when u said soulmate scenario i immediately thought of those tiktok povs so i tried to write something silly. I hope you enjoy!

For some reason, allergy-less Zelda found herself sneezing quite a lot during the spring. She knew she didn’t have allergies; when the problem first presented itself when she was a child, her father had her checked by the royal physician right away.

“No allergies.”

“That can’t be true,” her father, the king, argued.

“She may just be a sneezy kid. Children are not all that hygienic, you know. Princess Zelda will grow out of it.”

She remembered something else about sneezes, too, something from a long time ago when she was still a small child. She was sitting on her mother’s lap, rocking back and forth while being read a bedtime story when she had a sudden sneezing fit.

“You know, little bird,” her mother began gently as she closed the book, “I’ve heard a saying that when your soulmate sneezes, you sneeze too.”

“Does that mean it’s my soulmate's fault and not mine?” Zelda managed between achoos!

Her mother said nothing but only chuckled.

Zelda never did grow out of her sneezing, but she persisted anyway. Her determination to study the wildlife of Hyrule, including the flora and fauna that thrived only in the spring and summer seasons, overrode her debilitating sneezing. It was truly a shame that the most tolerable times of the year for her were fall and winter, when everything began to wither and die and her favorite flower, the Silent Princess, went away until the first melt.

On this particular spring day, the sneezing was pretty awful, but she insisted she venture out into the field anyway to study some of the Silent Princesses. She was determined to unlock the secrets of the soil, sunlight, and environment that helped them thrive so well. Every Silent Princess she had ever taken to her study had died within the night. Because of her insistence, her personal knight Link was forced to go with her as well.

“I won’t force you to eat a frog this time, I promise.”

He only smiled uneasily. It wasn’t the frogs he was worried about.

Link had what was possibly the most vicious and violent pollen allergy in all of Hyrule. When spring rolled around, he figured it might as well be over for him. Despite his great amount of outdoor duties, he did his best to stay inside, away from the flowers and the grass and all the budding greens that emitted pollen that could invade his system. Once he sneezed, he wouldn’t stop for a long while. It had gotten him in trouble during training one too many times.

But duty called, and he went out into the spring field with Zelda, that spring field teeming with malicious flowers and fatal pollen and the evil bees that spread it. When the princess told him the goal was to study some Silent Princesses, he would have fainted had he not been a disciplined warrior.

Zelda did notice his relentless sniffling from the back of her own horse, the way his grips on his reins tightened every now and then and his face contorted into something grotesque every few moments.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded. “Fine,” he choked.

She shrugged and onward they went, deeper into Hyrule Field, before stopping at a single Silent Princess Zelda had spotted. Link stayed atop his horse, wary, fighting his inner mechanisms while the princess dismounted and cheerfully knelt near the flower. He admired her in a lot of ways, but mainly her capacity to appear unaffected by the pollen wafting into her nose as she examined the flower.

“Come down here, Link,” she beckoned, voice as light as a feather and full of wonder. “This one’s rare. The colors are switched around–how peculiar.”

“I think I will stay up here,” he said. “Better view.”

She groaned, shot up, and tugged on his sleeve to get him off his horse. He stumbled down and then he was on his knees next to the flower with her, noses nearly pressed to the petals.

ACHOO!

“Ugh, I’m sorry–” But Link was quickly cut off by– ACHOO!

And now she was sneezing too, and back and forth they went, practically taking turns, trading sneezes, until they finally mounted their horses and swiftly rode away from the field. Link felt less bad about sneezing now and let the occasional one out, to which Zelda would respond similarly into her sleeve.

Link wasted no time when they returned to the castle, apologizing profusely and interrupting with another apology anytime Zelda tried to speak. He put the horses in the stable and made sure Zelda had everything she needed before he sprinted away from her, still sneezing, into the barracks.

As she watched him take refuge in one of the castle structures, sneezing and coughing and covering his mouth with his arm, she remembered what her mother said as a small smile graced her face.

[bowokshop]

Robin Hood - Henry Gilbert

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

"Robin Hood is the best-loved outlaw of all time. In this beautifully illustrated edition, Henry Gilbert tells of the adventures of the Merry Men of the Sherwood Forest - Robin himself, Little John, Friar Tuck, Will Scarlet and Alan-a-Dale, as well as Maid Marian, good King Richard, and Robin's deadly enemies Guy of Gisborne and the evil Sheriff of Nottingham."

I know Robin Hood is generally seen as a tale for children, but I couldn't help but read this edition when I found it at a book fair. I read every word of this book while outside in the bush, as I thought Robin would approve. It certainly added to the atmosphere.

The language does take some getting used to, but I found that after a few pages it becomes quite natural and actually adds to the story. Every character's personality comes through in their language, and it really felt as though I was in the greenwood with them all. As well as this, there are some absolutely beautiful descriptions of nature within every chapter, which speak to the beauty of the greenwood and Robin's connection to it. One of my favourites is found on page 44:

"Most of the villeins lay on their backs, feeling pure enjoyment in looking up into the weaving masses of leaves above their heads, through which, like flaming spear-heads, the sunlight slid now and then as the gentle summer breeze stirred the deeps of the trees."

Additionally, the comments on equality and justice are just as relevant today as they were when these tales were first told. Robin Hood, who steals from the rich and gives to the poor, who lays justice to those who do wrong with no punishment, who defends the innocent, the poor, and women and children with an iron fist, is a symbol of hope to us all; he is testament to the everlasting dream of justice in an unfair society. Robin Hood is the embodiment of a chivalrous and fair man, and we can revere his violent acts against the rich as they finally receive the punishment we know they deserve.

Also, he literally stormed the largest castle in all the land against all odds because they killed his wife, which is honestly all anyone could ask for.

I was dreading the final chapter as soon as I started the novel. I was never actually aware of many of Robin Hood's tales beforehand, so I didn't know how he died - I was expecting some giant battle or valiant sacrifice, where I would be forced to hear of his death amongst the chaos - but, thankfully, this was not the case. His death was almost beautiful. I was sobbing pretty hard all the same, but it gave a nice sense of closure.

I don't think I will ever walk through nature the same way again - in a good way, of course. In all its beauty and all its mysteries, lies the hope of a better future in Robin Hood.

[unsleepingtales]

Neverafter FINALE reactions! Strap in this is a long one.

I AM in fact looking for the Calvin and Hobbes comic books.

Death is hungry for everyone but Timothy 😢

Also can we think about how in AP Brennan said that there’s like one more level of fucked up Tim can get. Can we think about that please.

I love Tim and Baba Yaga interactions

We can still be married and about to be divorced and be friends. Cmon guys.

YLFA

I don’t know what your journey has been!

Mr steal ur girl

Shenanigans? Spare shenanigans sir?

Are you a scorpion or are you a cat? Keep it simpleeee

PREPPED ANIMATED BOOK MINIS Rick ily

Pinocchio wielding faerie magic is so wild

Flat William????? He needs lore.

Oh yeah tossing a cat a firework and saying Get up to something! Cannot possibly go wrong right? Right.

Everyone’s laughing at Pinocchio but he wants an older sister SO much.

Brennan is having so much fun as the baba yaga and it’s great to watch. PUT YOU IN THE SOUP.

INK HAND INK HAND INK HAND

This shit deals necrotic???? I wonder if it did necrotic before Snow White got involved…

Brennan’s face. You want the bird to fire the rocket? [cricket fired a rocket] Cricket was Brilliant. [the bird can speak]

Starts playing the fucking bird. Named beaky. Brennan let me get coffee with you I am begging.

Having a normal one here at dimension20

If you ask me for a stealth roll, you will find out.

You fucked around? You will find out.

Go ahead and roll your stealth roll *sweating buckets*

Also quick shoutout to Brennan for beating the only owning one shirt allegations that white henley fits Nicely.

The faerie is DEAD?

Jesus h christ

Ok shenanigans was fun back to what the fuck.

Never mind I guess we’re writing our own fables yall remember the famous story about the scorpionshark and the rabbit

It really wants to make Aesop proud???

I need to understand Cinderella’s mind

Strong con from my pond hopping princess 💚

Elody marry me please

Don’t look away from me. You see what happens?

Pretty reasonable compared to pibs turn right.

Scheherazade ily

Ngl forgot flat william existed oops

Horrifying! Horrifying.

I love dnd set design. I need to intern for the d20 design team next summer or something.

Turquina actually loves Pinocchio

Baba yaga flirting with Aesop?????

OCD BOYFRIEND ADD GIRLFRIEND TO DESCRIBE BABA YAGA X AESOP TOP FIVE MOST INSANE THINGS SIOBHAN THOMPSON HAS EVER SAID

Gerard just flat out defeating people is what he deserves. Fucked up Murph character my goddamn beloved.

WHAT

OKAY

Minerva’s here everyone!

Fuck your ass - and then beaky dies. Rip to a legend.

Elody looking out for Gerard <3

Zac is fully dead

I’m gonna leave if she does this. Murph is gonna leave his wife.

INSANE

ON AN ORANGE D8

WHAT

LEAVE YOUR TOP HAT

WHAT THE FUCK

Against the laws of god and man. In defiance of destiny. You get a cool orange hat.

Siobhan quietly going “shut the fuck up” to Ally

I feel insane.

Hat. On the mini. Zac quit but at least Death has a cool orange hat. We’ve gone full goofy movie but y’know. Death’s soul is gonna have a hat on when it’s violently ripped from her body.

Jesus christ Siobhan.

STEPMOTHER TOOK THE FUCKING BABA YAGA

What the fuck

Disadvantage for the rest of the fight?????

ZAC

ZAAAAC

INSANE INSANE I AM INSANE A CAT IS KILLING A GOD

Ok so when you hurt the hand. Ink goes places.

Alexa play everything ends from a very potter senior year

Shark! With me!

This feels like animal cruelty

TIM

Red ily so much you’re so cool

Rip flat William you were a real one

GERARD NO

Gerard. My love.

Spell time spell time spell time oh god oh fuck

GANDER MINI OH SHIT

Gem time?

Oh god oh fuck

Seven chances to roll

Oh my god.

YES ON THE FOURTH ROLL oh my GOD

The little hat label

RICK SIGHTING

Oh my god. Oh my god.

You’re christ, Tim!

Brennan has so much fun with his little effects board

Baba Yaga and Pib aaaaaaaaaaa a witch and a cat

ZAC

Baba yaga and Pib duo I never knew I needed

SEE YOU IN THE STORIES BRENNAN?

Cmon gerard 😢

DEATH HAS A LITTLE ORANGE HAT

ROSAMUND AND THE LITTLE GIRL LEFT AFTER DEATH MOVES PAST HER

Cinderella and Rosamund protecting Little Red. Elody and Gerard loving each other and accepting death.

Minerva and Pinocchio weirdly soft moment? Ok? Sure? Love that for them!

Village of Hapley. Crying.

Rosamund learning how to spin wool is actually so good

Brennan being visibly legitimately moved by their character choices!

Gander redemption <3

Oh my god. A real 21 year old boy has no right to make me emotional??

The meta in ‘I could have sounded like this the whole time’

I love Zac and Zac’s choices. The trickster prince!

Gerard my fucking beloved. Gerard of greenleigh I love you and I need you to be okay.

Snow White being okay!

Emily desperately wanted ylfa to be friends with baba yaga and she got it!!

Murph on the edge of the frame just Losing It

YLFA CRUSH ON PINOCCHIO

They play gin rummy together. They’re 21. They’ve saved the world together. The god of death approves. They live happily. Oh my god.

Emily sliding that in in the last ninety seconds of the season. Incredible.

Death with an orange hat and a rucksack walking on two feet into the sunset. Oh my god.

That’s all, folks! Incredible season <3

I really and truly don’t know how to sum up what this story meant to me. Thank you to our storytellers.

[curmudggeon]

Southern Hope (Arthur Morgan x Female Reader)

❝ If by any chance...in another lifetime, we happen to see each other again, I'll come and find you. And I'll make you fall in love with me, over and over again ❞

In which romance novelist, Mary-Beth under the pen name of Leslie Dupont, writes a coming of age love story based on her favourite gang members in the past, You and Arthur.

Trigger Warnings; Violence | Blood | Angst | Sexual Intentions

A/N: This is a project I've been working on for quite a while. I had the idea in mind when I had the chance to experience the musical composition of Aaron Copland's quintessential American Dream, 'Appalachian Spring' -one of my favourite pieces with such a beautiful storyline. And I wanted to retell it in the form of a book that is available on my Wattpad (ongoing) for you to enjoy from Mary-Beth's POV. I hope you show love to this book as much as I loved writing it. Have a sneak peek at the prologue!

Read on Wattpad here for more chapters to come!

PROLOGUE

Leslie Dupont; Mary-Beth Gaskill

Lemoyne, Saint Denis

November 1907

-

“Mademoiselle Dupont, we expect your next manuscript to be submitted by next summer. Now is not the time to be reminiscing.”

Here we go again

Mary-Beth sighed as her editor, Céline Laurent, had warned her once more for not meeting the deadline to her books. She was in a crucial position in her life. After her debut as a romance novelist, The Lady of The Manor was an instant best-seller across the country. It was the kind of thing she specializes in, silly ol’ romances.

“I promise you, I’ll get it done by then.” Or maybe, at least not for now. She shouldn't have promised something she couldn’t keep, especially in the meantime.

“I’ll take your word for that, if you don’t meet the deadline by then. Y’know what will happen to your contract, Leslie.” Céline stood at the door frame of Mary-Beth’s office with hands on her hips and raised eyebrows.

She knew exactly what she had meant. In fact, she knew the consequences on the back of her head when she first signed that contract with her publishing company. Two more books were requested of her. Or else she would be evicted of her apartment and be forced to live along the streets of Saint Denis for the rest of her life. A life of luxury slipping between her fingers.

“Yes, ma’am,” Mary-Beth disclaimed, the moment her editor slammed the door as she left her office. Heaving yet another exaggerated sigh, she crosses her arms on the grand rosewood desk, flopping her head on top of it. “What am I going to do now…” She murmured into the crevice of her arms.

Mary-Beth was in the middle of a major writer’s block for a few months now. She lost sight of that imaginative space of hers, consisting of the most swoon-worthy romances to the picture-perfect life she portrayed through her characters. A part of Mary-Beth that her readers absolutely adored. But, her head was now a clouded space of everlasting void. It was difficult for Mary-Beth to come into terms of writing again, but she couldn’t quite identify what had put her into this position.

Once she gathered the courage to write again, it all came crashing down like violent tidal waves when she came face to the daunting blank page of nothingness —almost drowning her.

It was as simple as that. Come to work, have a cup of tea, sit down, and a blank page.

Every. Damn. Time.

Maybe it was because she was already nearing her mid-thirties, and she hasn’t found someone to sweep her off her feet. Maybe it was when she first held Tilly’s baby that she found the need to be a mother someday. Maybe it was the overwhelming response towards her writing, she felt the need to hide away into an abyss. Or maybe she couldn’t stop thinking about the time she had come across John again after so many years that the memories just come flooding back.

Or maybe, just, maybe. It was because it’s November.

The most dreaded time of the year. November, in which the seemingly fearsome Van der Linde gang had officially broken up. Guns were fired, ties were broken and deaths were grieved. An unforgettable, painful memory.

She would often think about campfire songs, the girls and, Miss Grimshaw’s constant nagging about undone chores. Oh, how best of friends Céline and Miss Grimshaw would have been if she had heard Mary-Beth had been slacking again. It was her coping mechanism, think more about the good times to get rid of the bad ones.

Mary-Beth remembered when she took in her hands at being a matchmaker. Prancing around the camp, she would eye her two best contenders. You and Arthur.

She knew from the start when you had laid your eyes on each other for the first time, she could see through the inexplicable connection in between. You were both extremely awkward when it came to small-talk or addressing each other as you walked by across camp. However, it never stopped Arthur to come to camp as soon as he could just so he could see you, even just for a second.

The conversation would often start with Arthur while on his way to Dutch’s tent,

“Hey,”

“Hey.”

“I’ll leave you to it then.”

“Yea sure…”

—and that would be it.

At the same time, every single day, at the course of sunset.

You poor socially inept fools.

Mary-Beth, Tilly, and Karen would always see the interaction happen in the middle of their afternoon chores. Grinning from ear to ear. They would elbow each other whenever there was something different about the correspondence.

One time, you would walk past him, suddenly kissing him on the cheek and scurrying away.

Arthur would stop in his tracks, stunned, with a hand-over where your kiss tingled on his skin. Then he would look back at you as you laid down, smiling to yourself against a tree with a book in your hands. And Dutch would yell his name, knocking him out of his stupor before he noticed he was staring for a little too long.

The girls would start applauding for your heroic performance, it was like a groundbreaking plot twist Mary-Beth couldn’t wait to write about when the idea came into mind.

The both of you were like a walking excruciating slow, slow-burn romance novel. That was when Mary-Beth would cue in her entrance as matchmaker as soon as the interaction slowly died down. Your story had to have a happily ever after in her book.

She would pester you and Arthur separately, mentioning each other’s names and slipping in hints of romantic intentions from the other side so the both of you can address whatever this relationship was.

Mary-Beth knew it was a mission accomplished the night Sean was rescued back to Horseshoe Overlook. When she stood aside of the camp watching Dutch and Molly ballroom dancing into the moonlight, she caught a glimpse of you and Arthur behind them. Running into the woods, hand in hand, giggling to yourselves like prepubescent teenagers.

After that night, it was a considered job well done when your chance encounters slowly turned into planned ones. He would take you on dates, and you would show him affection like nobody’s business. A perfect couple, your American dream.

Until it became a nightmare.

And Arthur had passed,

your Arthur.

Ever since then, Mary-Beth wondered what had happened to you. Were you still alive after all these years? She couldn’t imagine how hard you must be coping with the news. Or what if you didn’t know at all? Even when she asked John and Tilly, they said you disappeared that night he passed.

Not even a single trace. Where were you?

Mary-Beth dismissed the thought out of her head, lifting her head away from the desk. She had to let go of these memories for her own well-being. For what seemed like yesterday were merely years ago. But it couldn’t have hurt to reminisce just a bit, for old times sake.

The story of You and Arthur was unwritten, left to collect dust from the lack of content. The perfect example of a sepia-tinted photograph, forgotten. Mary-Beth believed the both of you deserved something much more than a devastating ending. She wasn’t as ruthless as the other authors she had met that held an iron fist when killing off their characters. Mary-Beth wasn’t like that.

And the idea came to mind. She was a romance novelist for a reason; to fulfil all the possibilities for the unconditional love you shared.

And so Mary-Beth picked up her beautiful fountain pen,

She began to write on the great desk in her quiet room.

To write the most beautiful story of the century,

You and Arthur. Arthur and you.

A perfect couple. The American Dream.

A life that could have been so much more,

A life to remember…

[tobethefairybest]

This is my contribution to the Fairy Tail Reverse Bang 2022! :D

I had the honour of writing a oneshot to the amazing art drawn by Narminax. (@lazy-w-leviathan )

Link to the art:

Here is the preview of the story, the rest can be read on either ff.net or AO3!

~~~~~~~~

Saved by the Fire

It was a humid, early summer day. A lonely wagon disturbed the peace of an abandoned road. Lucy let her legs dangle from the seat, watching them go up and down to the rhythm of the shaking carriage wheels. The sounds of birds chirping and cicadas buzzing couldn't pierce through the wooden walls, resulting in only a murmuring resonance.

It had been a while since the carriage left the cobblestone paths and turned to take a shortcut through the forest. According to their driver, this was supposed to be a shorter route to their holiday destination: a luxurious cabin in the woods, close to the ocean shore. A shorter route, but most certainly not a comfortable one. It was uneven and littered with large rocks and Lucy couldn't even read the little book she'd brought along.

She looked out the window at the passing trees and sighed. Every summer holiday they'd go to the very same cabin, spending their vacation reading and hiking. To Lucy, it was nothing different than the life on their estate—isolated, without other kids, and trapped in an endless cycle of days.

No, Lucy had never liked their summer holidays. Her parents had always thought it was great for her to spend time in the woods, away from her daily life, but she dreamed of adventure, of freedom, of everything beyond the gates of the estate and the doors of the carriage. A boring cabin did not suffice.

This year she had dreaded coming to this place in particular. This was the first holiday since her mom had died, and her father had convinced her they had to go on holiday this year, regardless of what happened.

She picked up the book she had planned to read. It contained mostly pictures and just a few paragraphs of text, but it was one of her favourites. It was about a young witch who travelled the world and helped people with her magic. Lucy was certain she would one day see the world and all its wonders. She was convinced that all the myths in her favourite fantasy books contained a grain of truth, and that all the things she had read about could certainly have happened and happen again.

She would never forget the day she learned that magic was real, and not just something limited to her books and fantasy. Her mother had left her a magic key, one capable of letting a mermaid appear in any body of water the key touched. Lucy had always loved that her mother could use magic. If her mermaid was real, then so were the dragons in her books. Right?

She was violently dragged out of her headspace by a sudden standstill of the wagon and was thrown forwards because of the loss of momentum. She shrieked as her head hit the floor. She immediately reached for it to see if she was bleeding.

She heard her father and the driver cursing outside, followed by hurried footsteps.

"Lucy!" her father let out as he swung the door open, "are you hurt?"

Tears welled up in her eyes and she silently nodded as she rubbed the forming bruise on her head.

"You better get this wagon moving again!" he yelled at the driver as he turned around again, without batting another eye at his daughter.

Lucy stared at the open door. For a second, she had felt her heart jump. Her father barely ever made eye contact with her, let alone talk to her in a way that expressed concern. But she had been too hopeful. He was gone again.

Beyond the door was the endless forest that they were currently crossing. Lucy couldn't even fathom how deep the sea of trees would go. Would it go for miles? Hundreds of miles? Maybe even thousands.

She stood up and leaned outside the door to see what had caused the sudden stop. A fresh breeze of petrichor prickled her nose. As she looked around, she noticed one of the front wheels had snapped in half.

Lucy was just a seven-year-old, but she was smart enough to understand this could not be fixed by themselves. They needed help.

She set her eyes on the treetops, trying to spot chimney smoke that could reveal a village. Finding a village would mean a craftsman who could help them fix the wheel. She couldn't see any, but she was convinced the change in the height of the trees in the distance could point towards houses.

Determined, she jumped down on the soggy soil and let her eyes adjust to the bright sunlight.

She looked back once more, and to her dismay, her father was still scolding the driver, and the horses had started to become restless. Lucy turned around and disappeared into the foliage.

It didn't take long for the forest to swallow her whole. She was too short to see what was beyond her, but she just kept going forward, scratching herself on bushes and getting stuck on prickly branches. Little did she know she wasn't walking a straight line and not even slightly towards the next point of civilisation.

As soon as she realised that she had passed the very same rock twice, panic started to rise up within her. She was lost.

~~~~~~

Ff.net Link

Ao3 Link

[just-jordie-things]

Ghost

word count: 11,648 warnings: swearing, mentions of death, reader is an orphan,  summary: John B was the closest thing to family that (y/n) had left, and now he’s gone and disappeared.  Fortunately JJ’s there to help her feel whole again. based on this song ___

[ yelling at the sky, screaming at the world // baby why’d you go away?... heaven only knows where you are now ]

August 10th, 9:30 p.m (The Night Of The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

“Unfortunately… we lost them” Officer Thomas said, hanging his head shamefully.

Pope broke down right away, Kiara at his side, comforting him with a hug and soft words.

“What do you mean you lost them?” JJ asked, jumping straight to anger.  “They’re just gone? They’re dead!?”

(y/n) stood back, glancing down at her cold hands, finding that they’ve begun to shake with the new information.  She didn’t know how to process what she was hearing.

“We don’t know for certain-” Thomas tried to explain, but JJ wasn’t having it, he lashed out completely.

“You drove them right into the storm!” He yelled, lunging for the cop, grabbing him by his shirt and shaking him violently.  “You killed them-!”

“JJ..” Kiara cried out, clutching tighter to Pope’s side as she began to quietly sob.

He released the cop with a shove, turning back to his remaining friends.  Pope pulled Kiara into his arms, crying into her hair silently.

But (y/n) was frozen in place, her expression hadn’t changed since Thomas had told them what happened.  Tears were streaming down her cheeks quickly, more and more spilling over with each passing second.  Her whole body shook, and she wrapped her arms around herself.  She wasn’t sure if it was the grief or the cold, but either way, her own embrace provided no comfort.

“(y/n/n)- sweetheart…” JJ stepped towards her, his hands outstretched for her to take if she needed, but she didn’t move.  Her eyes didn’t even meet his.

“John B…” She whimpered, her lip quivering as she sniffled.  “Sarah…”

When a sob escaped her, JJ was there in a second, grabbing onto her and holding her as tightly as he could in his arms.  She continued to sob, screaming and crying as her body finally reacted.

She thrashed in his hold, squirming and pushing at him, hands smacking at his arms and chest, trying to pry him off of her, even though deep down all she craved was to be held, comforted.

“It’s not fair! It’s not fair,” She was screaming, drawing the attention of the surrounding officers, as well as the Carreras and the Heywards who had shown up to comfort their children.

But (y/n) had no one to show up for her, they were all dead.

“It’s not fair- It's not fair it’s not fair” She continued to cry against JJ, until her knees gave out and she crumpled to the ground.  

The blonde boy followed with her, gathering her back in his arms no matter how much she fought and pushed him away.

But eventually her body tired out, and she gave in.  He could feel her slump into his shoulder as she rested all of her weight on him.  His own tears soaked into her hair and tee shirt as he dropped his face to her own shoulder.

“Not fair” She mumbled, on repeat, until her crying made her too incoherent to understand.  

He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what to do, he’d never seen (y/n) like this before, much less how you were supposed to react when your best friend, and your kinda new friend, were lost at sea.

“I’ve got you,” He said instead, knowing that there were no magic words to heal her.  “I’m here, I’ve got you”

They didn’t fix everything, but they seemed to do the trick, because she finally wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her hands fisting into the material of his shirt as she clutched onto him with the same intensity that he held her with.

They spent hours in that tent, long after Pope and Kiara’s parents took them home, they were still there.  Technically they were supposed to wait for a parent or guardian to pick them up.  But JJ’s father was a coked up piece of shit, and (y/n’s) parents were six feet underground.

She didn’t push him away again.  She spent the whole night in his arms, clinging onto him with an iron grip.  And ever since that night, she hasn’t really let go of him. ___

[ how do i love? how do i trust again? ]

September 10th, 3:00 a.m (One Month After The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

“Wake up, (y/n/n), wake up”

The girl gasped for air as her eyes flew open, and as quickly as she’d woken up, she settled back into her pillow, eyes falling shut again as she let out a sign.

“I was doing it again, wasn’t I?” She muttered, squeezing her eyes shut tight as she tried not to cry, and tried not to remember the vivid details of her nightmare.

Which was more of a traumatic memory than a nightmare, really.

JJ, who was lying next to her, was quiet as he gazed down at her, watching her calm herself down as best she could.  He always gave her the space to relax on her own before stepping in.  He wanted her to know that she was capable of recovering on her own, but that he would still be there for her as soon as she needed him.

After a few deep breaths, the girl rolled onto her side, her face colliding with his chest as she continued her steady breathing.

“Will you hold my hand?” She mumbled, and he simply nodded, reaching for her trembling fingers, and gently slotting his fingers through hers.  She continued to tap her index finger over the back of his hand at a rapid pace.

She did this for a minute or two before speaking again.

“I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry, baby, it’s alright,” He murmured to her softly, followed by a kiss to her forehead.  “I’ve got you”

A small choked sound came from her as tears threatened to well up in her eyes again.

She’d spent the last month in bed with him like this.  No matter how much time passed, and no matter how much her grief started to melt away and she began her coping process, she’d still wake up in the middle of the night from awful nightmares.

She hadn’t planned on being a regular guest in JJ’s bed at the Chateau, but she also didn’t have anywhere else to go.  She didn’t have a place of her own, she’d lived at the Chateau since she was six and John Routledge had taken her in.

She was just a child when her parents got into a freak boating accident and died at sea.  She hadn’t understood why she was put in the system, or why she couldn’t go home to her mom and dad.  But for some reason, her friend John B had gotten his dad to take her in, and after a day or two of moving in, she’d understood.

John and John B were her family now.

But then a year ago, John Routledge was declared lost at sea, and it was just her and John B.  It was hard, since he was pretty much the only father she’d ever known, and since he was announced dead, in the same way her parents had been.  At least she still had John B, who was a brother to her.

Fate had a sick sense of humor though, sending him off into a storm, likely killing him.

And she ended up losing him, too.

JJ’s free hand smoothed over her back, caressing her hair, and then rubbing circles over her back again.  He always did his best to comfort her in any way she needed.  And it had been a month of waking up with her to her nightmares, so he always knew just what to do.

“Can we go stay in his room?” She asked quietly.

That was a new request that JJ hadn’t been expecting, but nonetheless, he nodded, and helped her to sit up.  He reached his hands out for her, offering to help her get out of bed, but she limply hung her arms in the air, silently asking him to carry her.

“Alright, you big baby,” He teased in a tired murmur, and leaned over to wrap his arms around her torso, picking her up and pulling her into his chest.

Her legs instinctively wrapped around his hips, and her head laid down on his shoulder.  Had she not been so shaken up, she could have fallen right back asleep.

“But I’m only doing this cause you’re so damn cute” He told her as his hands shifted to hold her from under her legs, and he carefully made his way through the dark to get to John B’s room.

The flirty comment provoked a small and sleepy laugh from the girl.  It wasn’t much, but it was something, and it provided a certain comfort to JJ.  it had been a while since she truly laughed.  He missed the sound dearly.

(y/n) had spent some time in John B’s room during the long summer days.  But she’d never spent the night in it.

JJ would often find her in there, cleaning up, reorganizing his book shelf, playing his CD’s, feeding the fish he’d won at a carnival a year ago that was miraculously still alive- she’d do anything and everything to spend time in there.  To her, it was all that was left of him.

JJ had even caught her putting on his clothes, worn tee shirts, strangely-patterned button downs, sweaters that were too big for her- but she always took them off before anyone could see.  JJ pretended not to notice, and never said anything.  Both because he didn’t want her to feel embarrassed, but also because sometimes when she spent all of her time in that room, he’d feel just the tiniest amount of jealousy, and it made him feel ashamed.

[ i stay up all night, tell myself i’m alright // baby you’re just harder to see than most ]

“Alright, here we go, baby,” He said as he delicately set her down on the mattress.

(y/n) visibly deflated as she melted into the cool sheets.  Her limbs were still wrapped around JJ’s figure, so she pulled him down with her as she got situated, but he didn’t mind.

With great caution, he slipped out of her hold just enough to lay at her side, so that he wouldn’t pass out on top of her.

He watched as she seemingly relaxed for the night, finally.  She pressed her face deep into the pillow her head was under, taking in a deep breath, the lingering smell of cologne and the beach and something that was distinctly John B flooding her senses.

“It still smells like him” She murmured.  She doesn’t sound like she’s going to cry again, but JJ keeps a watchful eye on her, just in case.

When she exhaled, she opened her eyes, meeting his gaze.  He gave her a small smile, which she faintly returned before moving in closer to him.

“Thank you” She whispered as her forehead touched his gently.

His arms wrapped around the small of her back, pulling her into him completely.  And then he kissed her forehead again, and then her nose, before tucking her head against his chest, just under his chin.

She tended to lean her ear against his chest, using the steady beat of his heart to lure her to sleep.

“You don’t have to thank me, sweetheart” He told her, like he had a million times before.

“I know, you always say that,” (y/n) murmured, lips brushing over his neck as she spoke.  “But I mean it anyways.  Thank you, Jay”

Her hand finds a comfortable place to rest just over his heart, and soon she’s drifting back to a seemingly peaceful sleep.  JJ just hopes she makes it through the night.

He lets his hand brush through her hair, untangling the locks until his fingers can run perfectly smooth through it.  He does this until he falls asleep. ___

[ i put the record on, wait till i hear our song // every night i’m dancing with your ghost ]

July 4th, 10:00 p.m (A Month Before The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

Neither of them had made a move yet, but they both knew all too well that there was something between them.  Something fiery and exciting, something soft and intimate.

JJ always flirted with (y/n), long before he realized he actually had feelings for one of his closest Pogue friends.  They’d been friends since they were kids, and they’d technically been living together for the past few months, but only recently had it dawned on him that he was falling in love with her, and it was happening fast.

“As flattering as I find your staring, you look very zoned out,” Her voice drew him from his thoughts, and he found himself grinning as (y/n) walked up to him, beer in hand.

John B and Pope had thrown a Fourth of July kegger, and it was probably the craziest party they’d had in years.  Tourons and Kooks had shown up from all over the island, and every kid on The Cut made an appearance that night.

A couple of Kooks had even brought in their own kegs to help supply the party with enough beer.

But despite all the people here, all the hot Tourons to be exact, JJ had been content that (y/n) had approached him, with her sweet smile and revealing bikini.

“What’s goin’ through that pretty head of yours, hm?” She asked, only half teasing.

All summed had been like this.  The flirting intensified, and they both stopped pursuing one night stands with the Tourons that came to these things.

“Absolutely nothing,” JJ grinned back at her, and she laughed, believing him.  “Where you been all night? Fighting off all these guys I hope?” He asked, half joking.

Coincidentally, a group of basic white tourist boys walked past, one of them letting out a low whistle as their eyes wandered over (y/n’s) figure.

JJ scowled at him, stepping forward threateningly, one of his arms instinctively wrapping around the girl’s waist as he glared down the Touron until he cowered away.

“Wow,” (y/n) chuckled, one of her hands pressing against JJ’s chest, but she didn’t push him away, so he didn’t move.  “You made your point tough guy, jesus,” She said, raising her brows at him.  “Jealous much?”

“Me? Jealous?” He asked with a scoff, to which (y/n) mimicked the sound.

“That’s real hot coming from the most jealous and pissed off guy in the OBX” She teased with a growing smirk on her lips.

“Well, sure, but I’m not jealous of that guy,” JJ told her, gesturing at the lame Touron who was miserably failing at shotgunning a beer.

But as he watched the idiot with an amused grin, (y/n) just smiled up at the blonde boy, admiring his side profile for a moment.

Unlike most stories of friends who became lovers, where they weren’t sure when their friendship blossomed into something more, (y/n) knew exactly when she fell for JJ.

It had been last summer.  They’d been on the HMS Pogue on a fishing trip, and while she’d never been fishing before, she was eager to let JJ and Pope teach her how.  When she caught her first fish, JJ had cheered, but he could tell that it made her sad to throw it in the cooler.  So he told her it was alright if she wanted to throw it back.  He showed her how to carefully take the fish off the lure so it wouldn’t be as hurt, and let her throw it back in the water.

He must have felt her staring, because suddenly he was turning back to her, his eyes locking on hers instantly.

“Look who’s starin’ now” He teased, his fingers brushing against her hips in an attempt at tickling her.

She giggled and wiggled a bit, but she still didn’t pull away from him.

They were very close, so close that if JJ hadn’t been wearing his hat backwards, then its brim would have been bumping into her forehead.  So close, that she could just faintly feel his warm breath hitting the bridge of her nose.  So close, that it would be so easy to kiss him right now.

Curiously, her eyes wandered down to his lips, pink and inviting, begging to be kissed, she thought.  No wonder girls would throw themselves at him, he had the most perfect looking pair of lips.

Of course, before she could decide if it was worth it to throw reason (and the only Pogue rule) out the window, Rafe and Topper were causing trouble somewhere on the beach, and soon JJ was peeling himself away from her and racing off towards the conflict.

He was always there to end it, never one to shy away from a fight.  (y/n) had come to terms with that a long time ago, knowing it was something she’d never be able to change.

But looking back on it, if he hadn’t left her to get his ass kicked by Rafe Cameron, then they probably would have crossed that line between friendship and something more that very night. ___

[ Never got a chance to say a last goodbye ]

September 15th, 9:45 a.m (Two Months After The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

The sun was unrelenting as it shined in through the window, forcing (y/n) to wake up despite her longing to sleep in bed all day.  It wouldn’t be the first time that she refused to get out of bed.

But she told herself that she should.  The sun was telling her that she should.  Even if she did manage to close her eyes and ignore the brightness streaming into the room, she knew she wouldn’t sleep comfortably.

Today, she was going to get up and make herself breakfast.  That felt like a good start for taking care of herself today.

She rolled over with a groan, in an attempt to reach for JJ to see if he was awake.  Some mornings he would wake up before her and she’d find him laying there on his phone, but sometimes he would just peacefully lay there as he waited for her to wake up.

However, as she lazily slung her hand towards the other side of the bed, she only ended up hitting pillows.  And suddenly the easy morning started to turn upside down.

Don’t freak out, she told herself, even as she scurried out of bed.  

Don’t panic, it’s fine, he’s probably just watching tv in the living room.  

As she was about to run out of the room, she decided at the last second it was probably best to throw on a pair of shorts.  The large tee shirt she well fell just past all of her curves, but it would be embarrassing if she ran through the Chateau in front of Pope and Kiara in a worried panic without pants on.

Or maybe he’s making breakfast, like that one time he brought you breakfast in bed, that was really sweet.

None of the calming ideas that crossed her mind actually calmed her, as she searched through the living room, there was no sign of JJ.  The kitchen was empty, the bathroom door was hung ajar, and also empty.

There was a logical explanation for him not being here, deep down she knew that, but then why didn’t he leave a note? Or wake her to let her know he’d be leaving? Why would he leave without saying anything at all? Didn’t he know that this was her worst fear come to life, again?

Panic took over, and next thing she knew she couldn’t take in enough air as her throat closed up and her legs stopped working.  She stood in the living room for a solid minute, hands glued to her head, fists tugging on her hair tightly in a terrible attempt to ground herself to the moment and not spiral any further.

But her heavy breaths turned to sobs and she didn’t know she was crying until she felt the tears on her cheeks.

There’s a logical explanation, there’s a logical explanation, she repeated in her head like a mantra, hoping to god that she’d start believing it soon.

Slowly, she crouched down on the floor, because sometimes when she had panic attacks she got dizzy so it was better to sit down now.

Or maybe he went boating with Pope, they like to fish early in the morning, she thought.  Maybe they hit something, the marsh is always changing with the weather.  Maybe the boat capsized, maybe they drowned to their deaths-

No! Don’t think that!

The sobbing got worse as she assumed the worst, taking in gasping breaths of air, desperate to fill her lungs that felt like they were about to collapse.

Maybe they went into town to pick up breakfast.  Maye they got stopped by Kooks, or Barry, maybe they were murdered in cold blood-

The girl whimpered, trying to ward off the horrific images rolling through her mind, but as terrible as they were, she reminded herself that these weren’t unrealistic worries, that these things had happened before, and would happen again.

He promised me he wouldn’t get on a fucking boat, he promised me he’d start biking around the island, she told herself.  JJ wouldn’t break a promise to her, especially that one, but the anxiety inside of her was still whispering into her ear, telling her that all of her friends very well could have been gone forever.

Maybe he just left.  Maybe he got sick and tired of waiting around.  Maybe he was just being a nice guy the last two months.  Maybe he didn’t care anymore.  Maybe he didn’t miss John B or Sarah.  Maybe he finally fled for the mainland like he’s been talking about since he was a kid.  Maybe he’s with a girl.  Maybe he didn’t care about you anymore.

Her hands covered her face, wishing that she could just stop and focus on something else, calm her breathing.  She wanted to run out of the Chateau and go looking around the island, but she remained frozen on the floor.

“(y/n)?” A voice called, and she could faintly hear the screen door swinging open and then shut.  “Woah, hey, (y/n/n)”

Through blurry eyes, she could just barely make out Pope’s figure, kneeling in front of her.

Pope, Pope is here, she thought to herself, and it sort of helped relax her.  You’re not alone, Pope is here.

She shakily reached her hands out to him, grabbing onto his forearms and anchoring herself to him.

He’s real, he’s right here.  His hands are holding your elbows, he’s real.

“Breathe, (y/n), deep breaths, you can do it,” His initially stressed voice calmed when he realized that she was having a panic attack.  He’d seen her have them once or twice before, but it was always JJ who rushed in and helped her out of them.  “Copy my breathing, can you do that?” He asked.

She nodded her head, eyes meeting his as he took in a long and deep breath, held it for three seconds, and then slowly let it out.  He kept on repeating that action until her exhales weren’t shaky, and her body relaxed.

“There you go, you’ve got it, you’re alright…” He said smoothly.

His thumbs caressed over her arms gently, reminding her silently that he was there for her, that he cared about her.

“You want to talk about it?” He offered, and (y/n) shut her eyes tightly, willing the rest of her tears to dry up.

“I- I woke up and- and-”

When she began to stutter, Pope hushed her soothingly, and helped her through another breathing exercise.

“Okay, now try again,” He said softly, once her breaths evened out again.  “Slowly”

“I woke up,” She said, slowly, and then exhaled.  “And JJ wasn’t there- and then he wasn’t out here-”

When the rambling began again, she breathed in deeply again.

“It’s alright, he’s right outside,” Pope told her, relieved that the problem had an easy solution..  “You want to go out and see him?”

(y/n) nods back at him, and he helps her stand.

“Kie and I came over this morning, we brought donuts,” He said, hugging her into his side.  “We were just on the porch, Jay said you were asleep”

Pope opened the front door for her, as they went onto the porch, and her entire body relaxed as her eyes landed on JJ.

He was sitting on the beat up sofa that had been out there since forever, while Kiara was leaning against the citing of the house, a blunt between her fingers.

JJ smiled as (y/n) came out with Pope, tucked into his side the way a child clings to their mother at large events.

“Morning baby,” He calls to her, and pats the space next to him on the couch, before resting his arm over the back of the cushions.  

In no time she peels away from Pope and is sliding into the space under his arm, her side and her legs pressed up against him.  It feels like that first sip of coffee in the morning, and she forgets about the anxiety attack she’d had just moments ago.

He eyes the way she’s twirling the ring around her thumb, almost obsessively.  She hasn’t taken it off since he’d given it to her, and he doesn’t think she ever will.

“You hungry? Kie and Pope brought donuts” He offered, gesturing to the box on the decorative table Kiara was standing next to.

“Maybe in a little bit” She mumbled, her head falling against his shoulder as she let herself feel relieved.

Some days it was hard to feel content with being content.  But JJ was a huge help with that.  His presence alone was enough to calm her, that much was obvious.

He’s a little thrown off, but wraps his arm around her nonetheless.  His rings are a chill on her hot skin, but it’s somehow comforting.

Panic attack, Pope mouths when the blonde boy looks to him, silently asking what happened.

JJ nods discreetly, before glancing down at the girl under his arm.

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly.

Kiara and Pope pretended to argue over the last chocolate sprinkled donut, so that they had a little bit of privacy between them.

“Fine, now,” She whispers back.

Her fingers aimlessly play with the chain around his neck.

“I- I had a panic attack” She admits.

“What happened, sweetheart?” He asked as the tips of his fingers grazed up and down her arm.

She lifts her head to look at him properly, her fingers still twirling his necklace around her fingers.

“Um… you just… you weren't inside…”

It felt embarrassing to admit that something as simple as that had set her off.  When she was in the moment it was a lot more terrifying.  But JJ made sure she wasn’t ashamed of that feeling.

“Well, I’m right here,” He told her with a grin.  “You know you can’t get rid of me that easy” He added, hugging her tight against him and kissing the top of her head.

She always went pink when he did that, that’s why he did it more often than he used to.

“I know,” She mumbled back.  “I just… you know…”

She doesn’t know what she wants to say.  That she’s scared to lose him too? That he’s the only anchor she had left? The only remnants of family she had left? That she loved him more than words could describe?

Whatever she had planned on filling the blank with, JJ seemed to understand her perfectly.  He’d gotten really good at understanding what she was trying to say in between the words she was actually saying.

“I know, baby,” He says softly.

Her head falls back onto his shoulder.  Selfishly, she wished that she could sit here with him like this every day.  Maybe then she'll start to really feel better.

Meanwhile there’s a nagging feeling in JJ’s chest.  Worry, fear, something terrible that began to manifest.  An anxiousness that (y/n) won’t emotionally recover from the disappearance of their friends.

He knew grief took time, that learning to cope took time.  But she’d already had to face those things time and time again, what if this was it? What if this was the last straw, and she gave into them?

His arm around her tightened a little, and (y/n) hummed as she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck.  She placed a little kiss there before sighing.

“Thanks, Jay,” She mumbles.  “You always know just what I need”

He doesn’t say anything, just smiles and rubs her arm comfortingly.

Despite her words, he still worries on the inside. ___

[ i gotta move on, but it hurts to try ]

August 10th, 1:00 a.m (The Night Of The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

(y/n) and JJ had been stuck under police supervision for the last three and a half hours, sitting under the large tents, listening to the heavy rainfall while passing officers would offer their condolences.

It was all bullshit though, and it was starting to piss (y/n) off.

But finally they were allowed to go home, and were escorted to the Chateau.  Which is where they stood now.

(y/n) looked like she was glued to the floorboards of the porch, frozen in place like a statue.  The wind whipped at her hair and the rain still hit them even as they stood under the little roof over them.

“Come on, let’s go inside,” JJ said, reaching out to take her hand, but even as he tugs, she hardly moves.  “(y/n)-”

“I don’t want to,” She mumbles, eyes trained on the front door.

A part of her longed to see John B appear, open the door with a laugh and scold the pair for standing outside in the rain.  The harder she looks, the more she wishes to see him there.

“But I don’t have anywhere else to go” She whimpered, finally tearing her eyes away from the door to look at him.

JJ steps forward, his arm wrapping around her back as he slowly guides her inside.  Her feet shuffle along, but they barely lift off the ground, and she’s barely moving.  He’s just glad to get her inside and out of the rain.

“I just don’t want you to catch a cold, sweetheart” He told her, which was true, but he just needed to say anything to get her to come into the house.  He didn’t know what he’d do if she refused.

“I don’t care” She mumbled, but she was already standing at the inside of the doorway.

“Shoes off,” JJ told her, having already left his shoes at the door and was heading into the house.  “You know how JB feels about shoes in the house”

(y/n) nods, shakily, and starts to kick off her shoes

But now all she can think about is the first time she’d accidentally tracked mud into the house, and how funny it was when John B freaked out.  Thinking about it now, it was just sad.

When JJ came back in the room, she was crying again, silently, she might not have even been aware she was doing it.  She was untying the laces on her boots as tears spilled over her cheeks.

“Come on,” He spoke, and suddenly there was a towel wrapped around her shoulders.  “Let’s go get you cleaned up, okay?”

“No,” She mumbled.  “I just want to lay down”

Her hands gripped onto the fluffy towel almost violently, her knuckles were white, and her hands shook from the force.  JJ noticed.

“And you will, but you’ve got to shower first,” He said.  “Look at you, you’re soaked to the bone from the rain-”

“JJ-”

“No arguments, lets go” He replied, quiet and calm as ever.

She gave in, mostly because he didn’t have the energy to argue with him.  And then she was back to shuffling along with him to the bathroom.

She stood uselessly at the door while he turned the shower on for her.

“How hot do you want it?” He asked, one hand on the noz and the other under the stream of water

She shrugged, mumbled incoherently.

“You’ve got to speak up, honey” JJ said.

“I don’t care” She mumbled a little louder, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Yeah you do, I’ll put it on hot” He answered for her, and adjusted the nozzle accordingly.

But as he turned back, about to leave the room, she didn’t bother to move.  Her eyes were downcast, and her hands had released the towel only to wring her hands together.

“Hey, I’ll be in my room, you can-”

“Wait-”

She grabbed his wrist before he could leave the room, and her glossy eyes met his, her mouth opened but no words came out, so she closed it again.  He waited until she could find the right words.

“Please- please don’t leave me in here-”

Her breathing grew ragged and the tears started to fall from her eyelashes, and JJ nodded at her, silently confirming he'd stay so she would feel safe.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stay right here,” He told her, both of his hands wrapping around hers.  “I’ll wait right in here for you, alright?”

She nods, still a bit shaky, but she turns towards the shower and slowly works on taking off her clothes, so he thinks he’s doing the right thing.

In all honesty, he had no idea what the right thing to do was.  As he turned his back to her and stressfully ran his hands through her hair, he didn’t know what to say or do, what the right way to comfort someone was.

He knew that Kiara and Pope were at home with their families, probably hugging, telling each other they love each other, the kind of shit you see in movies.

But you didn’t see this part of the movie.  The part where the girl you love is going borderline catanoic as she stands in the shower, limbs heavy and heart shattered.

Was he supposed to talk to her? Offer what few comforting words he knew how to say? Was he supposed to tell her he was there for her, that he loved her and he would never leave her? Was that an overload of information?

“JJ?” (y/n) called from the other side of the shower curtain.

“I’m here” He said, sitting on the toilet seat so he’d be right next to her.

She peeled back the curtain, just enough to peek her head out, and then held her hand out to him.  A slight frown tugged on his lips, but he reached his hand out to hers anyways, softly clasping onto it, as though if he’d put any pressure into holding it, then she’d break like a porcelain doll.

She closed the curtain again and went about her shower.  It wasn’t a bother with only one hand, but JJ could still hear her soft whimpers from inside.

After ten minutes she turned off the water.

“Close your eyes” She directed, her voice was still a mumble, but without the noise of the water running JJ heard her clearly, and followed her order.

Her hand let go of his as she grabbed her towel and wrapped it around herself, but it was only briefly, as she was grabbing onto it again as soon as she was covered up.  She gave it a small squeeze to let him know that she was decent.

When he looked up at her, she was staring down at their hands, focused on the rings on his fingers.

The one on his thumb, she had given to him.  Not for a special occasion, she’d just found it in a shop and thought it would look fitting and cool on him.  

She was right.  

He never took it off.

There was another ring on his middle finger, that one was from John B.  He’d swiped it from a second hand shop because it had a neat but very faint engraving of a snake around it.  He’d originally stolen it for himself, but it hadn’t fit right, so he handed it off to JJ.

(y/n) ran the pad of her thumb over the engraving now.  The snake wasn’t very visible, but she could still feel it.

JJ squeezed her hand, drawing her eyes back to his.

She wasn’t whimpering anymore, but the tears hadn’t stopped.  She had to be exhausted.

“I’ve gotta take a shower baby,” He said softly.  “You want to go to bed?”

She shook her head, looking back at his rings.

“You want to wait in here?” He asked.

With a small nod from her, he stood up, pressing a quick and gentle kiss to the crown of her head before turning the water and going through the same routine again.

It took some time as he showered and (y/n) waited for him on the toilet.  When he’d finished and gotten out to find that she was still wrapped in her towel, he’d convinced her to let him help her change into pajamas.

When she’d finished, she wrapped her arms around his neck, stepping forward and hugging him gently, with little to no force at all.

“Alright, let’s get you to bed” JJ said, lifting her up with ease, one arm hooked under her legs and the other.

“You’ll stay, right?” She asks meekly as he brings her to his room.

“Of course” He hums back.

They get situated under the covers, and finally (y/n’s) tears seem to stop.  JJ doesn’t keep his hopes up, though.

He pulls her head to his chest, one arm wrapping around her back at his other hand takes a hold of hers.  For good measure, she hooks her leg over one of his, just to be sure she won’t roll away from him in her sleep.

“You won’t leave?” She murmurs.

The exhaustion and the misery that her body is facing is clear to him as she tilts her head back to look at him.

He gives her a small smile, before letting go of her hand, so that he can take the ring off of his middle finger.  He takes her hand again, and slides it over her thumb.  It’s a little loose, enough that she can twirl it around with ease.

“Now you can have a little bit of both of us with you,” JJ says to her.  “I’m not goin’ anywhere”

She doesn’t quite smile, but her expression relaxes as she looks at him, and he takes it as a good sign.

“I’ve got you, baby” He tells her softly as she settles against him, sleep finally starting to overcome her.

“I can’t lose you too” She tells him right before her body gives out. ___

[ how do i love? how do i trust again? ]

November 10th, 6:30 p.m (Precisely Three Months After The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

(y/n) had been sitting on the couch all afternoon, replaying the day’s events in her head like a flashback scene in a movie.

She’d woken up with JJ, they made breakfast and went on a walk, avoiding the beach.  They went to visit Kiara at The Wreck with Pope, and then went back to the Chateau to do some chores.

(y/n) liked to keep the place tidy and clean.  It gave her something to do, and deep down, she knew that if John B came home, he’d be happy to see everything was just how he left it.  If not a little more organized thanks to her.

And then they’d gotten the call from the Sheriff’s Department.

JJ came into the room, a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of advil in the other.

“Here” He said, handing them both to her.

“I don’t need it, my head doesn’t hurt” (y/n) replied quietly, barely even looking at him.

“Not now, but from the look on your face I can tell it’s going to soon.  Just take it now, please” JJ said, holding out the cup and bottle towards her again.

(y/n) gave in, knowing he was right, and there was no use in arguing with him because he’d only bother her until she just took the pill.

JJ sat down next to her as she swallowed down the medicine, along with a few more drinks of water.  She hadn’t realized how thirsty she was, and suddenly wondered how long she’d been sitting there.

“Where do you think they are?” JJ asked out of nowhere, and she turned to him.

“What?” She asked, voice barely above a mumble.

“John B and Sarah,” He said their names so easily, so casually her heart clenched.  

She almost never spoke their names.  And when she did, she was usually in a fit of tears.

“Where do you think they are?” JJ repeated his question.

(y/n’s) mouth opened, then closed.  And then open and closed again.  She didn’t understand what he was asking.

JJ could tell, and he sat back to stretch out on the soda, his legs kicking out as his back leaned against the arm rest.  (y/n) turned her body to look at him properly, but didn’t crawl into his arms like he’d expected.  She was too confused trying to comprehend what he was saying.

“I think they’re in Florida,” JJ thought aloud, realizing (y/n) wasn’t going to entertain the question.  “And I think they got married”

“Married?” She mumbled, blinking at him.  “You think they’re... alive?”

“Of course,” JJ said, as sincerely as he could.  “Don’t you?”

She doesn’t answer, but she doesn’t have to.

“There’s no way they aren’t.  John B’s a pretty tough guy, and Sarah’s the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.  More stubborn than you” He spoke with such ease, it threw (y/n) off.  

His knee knocked against her side, and he held his hand out to her, beckoning her to lay with him.

Warily, she leaned forward, crawling into the space between his legs, and then flipping over to rest back against his chest.  JJ’s arms wrapped around her middle naturally, and he continued to let his thoughts roam free.

“Do you think they’ve got some new treasure hunt going down there?” He whispered into her ear.

“Yes” (y/n) replied, finally giving in to the conspiracy.

“Yeah?” JJ asked, glad that was entertained by the idea, and hopefully comforted too.

“Yeah… I’ll bet… I’ll bet they’re tracking more gold… or… or jewels… or something”

JJ smiled at how hard she tried to let herself get used to the idea.  He knew how badly she wanted to move on, and how she felt stuck in the past.  This was a significant step forward, and he was more proud of her than he let on.  He just didn’t want her to think he pitied her.

“They’re probably filthy rich by now,” JJ told her.  “She’s probably turned him full Kook”

“In a good way,” (y/n) spoke, her smile shining through her words.  “He was so…”

“Whipped” JJ muttered.

“In love,” (y/n) corrected with a soft exhale.  “They only had a week together before they… left,” She said carefully.  “And I… I’ve known John B my whole life and he’d never looked at anyone the way he looked at Sarah”

From where her head laid on his chest, JJ couldn’t see well, but he just knew that she was smiling as she spoke, reminiscing in the good memories.

“So you think they got married when they got to Florida?” JJ asked, speaking it like it was a truth.

“Yeah, I think they just might have,” (y/n) said.  She thought for a moment, and then let out a small giggle.

He was surprised by the sound, especially when it erupted into more joyous laughter.

“You know,” She ponders aloud, “I think that when they got wherever they were headed, and realized they were safe and alive, he proposed to her right then”

“Yeah?” JJ asked, amused, and revelling in the sound of her laughter.  

He had missed the sound so much, he’d worried he’d never hear it again.  He closed his eyes as he listened to her soft giggles, and melted at the way her back slightly shook against his chest.

“Yeah,” (y/n) confirmed, and one of her hands reached for his that lied on her stomach.  “It probably wasn’t romantic at all.  He probably didn’t even get on one knee”

“You’re so right,” JJ laughed with her.  “He probably was just like ‘we should get married’ and Sarah was like ‘oh John B, i love you!’ And-”

(y/n) burst into laughter at JJ’s high pitched impression of Sarah.  It didn’t sound like her, it didn’t even sound like any girl, but it made her belly laugh, and she sat up slightly so she could turn to look at him.

“Why are you laughing at me? That was a spot on impression” He told her.

“No, it wasn’t,” (y/n) said, shaking her head as she looked down at him.

There were crinkles at her eyes and her lips were pulled into the widest smile he’d seen from her in months.

He had convinced himself that he wasn’t 100% sure what love felt like, but right now it felt like his heart might just burst because of it.

He hadn’t just missed her laugh.  He’d missed her.

“It’s almost like you have no idea what a woman sounds like- but Jay, you’ve been living with one for like three years now- what?” (y/n) had cut herself off from her teasing when she saw the way he was staring at her.

He looked sad, but he was smiling, so she didn’t know what to think.  Usually she could read him pretty well, but she’d never seen this look before.

“What?” She asked again.  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“No reason, I just…”

JJ sits up, trying to find the right words as he instinctively grabs a hold of her.  She turns to face him again, her legs hooking behind him as she waits for him to continue.

“I’m just thinking” He finishes.

“Well that’s dangerous,” She replies, the banter coming as naturally as it used to.  She lets out a little snort of a laugh as she smiles at him.  “What about?”

JJ’s hands smooth around her hips, the way they did earlier when they’d gotten the call from Officer Thomas himself, but now it wasn’t to comfort, it was simply because he could.

“You ever think about what would have happened if we never went on that treasure hunt?” He asked, quietly, like he was trying not to upset her.

She goes still, but she doesn’t push him away, and she doesn’t choke up.

“All the time” She murmurs back.

Her voice comes out through a quiet exhale, and if he wasn’t so close, he might not have heard it.  But in the last three months his ears had been practically trained to hear her every breath, and catch on to every mumble.

“Really?” He asked, and she nodded, her bottom lip tucking in between her teeth as she looked back at him.

“Of course,” She quietly replied.  “How else do you think I keep sane during all the quiet moments?”

It’s a sweet thing to say, paired with a soft smile that JJ felt relieved to see.

“Well then what do you think we’d be doing right now?”

“Something stupid,” She answered right away, followed by a small laugh.  “Something sketchy.  That’s all we ever did”

“We fished too, fishing’s legal.  And surfing, that’s legal too”

“That’s fair,” (y/n) hummed.  “Kie and Sarah would’ve gotten along better,” She added.  “It would’ve been nice to have a girls day”

“I’ll have a girls day with you” JJ told her, making her laugh again.

“I know you would,” She said, setting her hands on his shoulders.  “But it’s not the same”

JJ shrugged.

“You can braid my hair and put makeup on me, what else do you do on a girls day?” He asked, and again, she giggled.

He hoped he could keep making her laugh.

“What do you think we’d be up to?” She asked once the laughter subsided and she was left staring into those baby blue eyes again.

“Macking”

The laughter bubbled back over, her hands swatting at his shoulders as she threw her head back.

“Well you don’t have to laugh that much,” JJ said, brows furrowed as he pouted.  “It’s true, we would be”

“Maybe,” (y/n) corrected.  “If you’d ever actually made a move, maybe”

“What do you mean ever actually made a move?” He asked, offended.  “I maed plenty of moves! Lots and lots of moves”

“Oh really?” (y/n) asked, quirking an eyebrow.  “I don’t think we’re remembering it the same way, because I only seem to remember you scaring other boys away from me...”

“Well, yeah, among other things,” JJ said, shrugging casually.  “Can’t have a bunch of lame Tourons crowding my girl”

She laughed at his idea of flirting, but she knew fully well that it had always worked.  JJ Maybank was charming in his own unique way, and even now it made her melt in his hands.

“So you’re saying that eventually you would have done something about it?”

“About it?”

“Yeah, you know, whatever was… between us,” (y/n) clarified, her finger twirling around the space between them.  “I have a hard time believing you would have asked me out”

“I would have!” JJ said, pretending to take offense at her accusation.  “Eventually”

“Mhm,” She hummed, and then shook her head.  “Well, we’ll never know now,” She sighed, dropping her hands to her lap as she started to fiddle.  “I think we skipped a couple steps”

“I think we skipped all the steps, sweetheart,” JJ chuckled, taking her hands so she would stop fidgeting.  “But that’s alright, I wouldn’t take it any other way.  You’d be the only one for me no matter what happens,”

Her face turns a rosy shade of pink, which brings JJ to kiss both of her cheeks with a proud grin.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked.  “Have the what are we conversation”

Surprisingly, (y/n) shrugs and shakes her head.

“I mean, I don’t think we really have to, do you?” She asks softly.  “If there’s no one else for you, and no one else for me…” She trails off, her eyes flickering in between his.  “I think it’s pretty clear to me”

“Yeah,” JJ agrees, nodding his head.  “Pretty clear,” He repeats.  “I just hope you know what you’re getting into” He teases.

She giggles, wrapping her arms around his neck as she leaned in closer.

“I’ve lived with you for quite some time now, I think I know exactly what I’m getting into”

There’s a beat that passes between them, a quiet, contemplative beat.

But then (y/n’s) shaking her head, and she’s smiling at him so brightly that it’s contagious.

And then she leans over just a little bit, just enough to tenderly press her lips against his.

He’s quick to react, his hands reaching up to her face, pulling her impossibly closer to him.

She’s so slow and careful with her movements, and JJ thinks it might have been the softest kiss he’s ever been given.  Her lips are warm, inviting, and he begins to kick himself for not making a proper move on her back when everything wasn’t so heavy.

They pull away, their grins equally wide, and (y/n) leans her forehead into his, her eyes still shut.  JJ stares at her, awestruck, admiring every curve and freckle on her face.

His hands fall to her waist again, and he pulls her down onto the couch with him, allowing her to tuck herself in against his side as they lay comfortably.

They talk for a long time, theorizing on where they’d be now in another life, and what Sarah and John B are up to, wherever they are.  There’s a few tears that JJ has to wipe from the girl’s cheeks, but she’s smiling.

She has hope, for the first time in months, she’s filled with hope and love and deep down she truly believes things will get better.

Even if the day started with the Sheriff’s Department calling to let them know that John B and Sarah Cameron are officially and legally declared dead, since they’d been missing for three months.

It might get worse before it gets better.  But it was bound to get better. ___

[ i stay up all night, tell myself i’m alright // baby you’re just harder to see than most ]

February 19th, 2:45 p.m (Six Months After The Disappearance of John B Routledge and Sarah Cameron)

“I’m not sayin’ that I will key their cars,” JJ argues, “I’m just saying that I would!”

Pope and Kiara burst into fits of laughter, knowing full well that JJ would bust up Kook property at any given chance, even unprovoked.

(y/n) rolled her eyes from next to him, patting his arm gently.

“Sure, Jay, sure” She says, completely unconvinced.

Normally he’d continue to argue that he was just making a joke, but no one would believe him, and truth be told, he wouldn’t even believe himself.

They’d all gotten together today to hang out and eat lunch at The Wreck.  It was one of Kiara’s off days, so for once she actually got to sit at the table with her friends.  It was a nice afternoon, and definitely much needed quality time.

“You want more water?” (y/n) hummed, already picking up her and JJ’s empty glasses.

“Sure, thanks,” He answered with a charming smile while she got up.  “Oh, but wait” He called, reaching out for her arm before she could walk away.

“What?”

He tugged on her arm so she would bend over and he could swiftly kiss her cheek.  She giggled, swatting gently at his bicep, but nonetheless she blushed as she headed off to the counter.

Kiara and Pope each made their faces at JJ.  Winks, wiggling eyebrows, wide eyes, smirks, they couldn’t help it.

“Shut up, both of you” JJ chuckled before they could even say anything.

“We didn’t say anything” Pope grumbled.

“It’s just about time, that’s all,” Kiara said, putting her hands up in surrender.  “You two have been dancing that dance for years”

JJ didn’t say anything, just smiled as he poked around his plate of fries.

“Look at him, he’s so in love with her” Kiara cooed.

But Pope wasn’t looking at him at all, he’d turned in his seat when he’d caught sight of Rafe Cameron eyeing (y/n).  He’d known it wasn’t a good sign.

“Pope,” Kiara called, trying to get his attention, but realized his gaze was focused elsewhere.  “What are you…” She trailed off, turning to follow his line of sight.

She only groaned at the sight of Rafe, before turning back to their own table.  Kooks came to The Wreck on occasion, but not usually Kooks like Rafe Cameron and Topper Thornton, who were in a booth across the restaurant.

“What’s he doing?” Pope mumbled, now watching Rafe get up from his booth, and make his way to the counter, where (y/n) was chatting with one of the servers.

JJ started to get up, but Pope was quick to put a hand up.

“Wait, doesn’t start anything,” He warned, and for some reason, JJ listened to him.  “(y/n) was friends with Sarah”

“That guy’s a fucking prick- and a murderer-” JJ started to argue, but Pope hushed him, telling him to keep his voice down.

“Just wait a minute before you swoop in there and make a scene,” Pope said.  “He’s Sarah’s brother, Sarah was a good person”

JJ muttered a string of profanities, but sat back down in his seat.  He didn’t take his eyes away from the counter though.

“(y/n) (y/l/n),” Rafe called, letting out a low whistle that made JJ bristle.  “Long time no see”

(y/n) barely looked at him before shooting her gaze down to the cups of water.  JJ can tell that she’s playing with the ring on her thumb.

“Yeah, I haven’t really been… around” She’d answered.

“Why doesn’t he just say his piece and leave” JJ muttered, both of his hands in his lap, curling into tight fists.

“That’s too bad” Rafe responded.

(y/n) wasn’t giving him any of her attention, so JJ knew he shouldn’t be so upset right now.  But he didn’t trust Rafe for as far as he could throw him, and he definitely didn’t trust him around (y/n).

“She can hold her own” Pope reminded him, knowing that JJ was starting to see red.

Yeah, but he’s a creep, he thought to himself.

“I’m sorry about Sarah,”

(y/n) spoke suddenly, soft and sweet, displaying nothing but kindness to a boy she knew wouldn’t know what kindness felt like if someone handed it right to him.

“I didn’t get to know her as well as I would have liked, but… I did like her a lot.  She was definitely a special-”

Rafe cut her off before she could say anything more.

“Well, you move on fast, don’t you?” He snarled.

(y/n) blinked, eyes going wide at the rude comment, even if she didn’t understand it.

“What-?”

“Your Pogue boyfriend’s only dead for a few months and you’ve already latched onto another, huh?” He asked, gesturing towards JJ.

(y/n’s) eyes wandered over to her boyfriend, who had just stood up from his seat with such force it fell backwards, and was now making his way over.

Please don’t get in a fight, she begged silently.  Please don’t make a scene, this isn’t worth the attention of the whole restaurant.

“Rafe, you’ve got it all wrong,” She told him quietly, trying to diffuse the situation herself.  “John B wasn’t my boyfriend, we grew up together, he was a brother to me-”

“You’re disgusting,” Rafe spat at her.  “If it wasn’t for your Pogue friends and your Pogue slut self, Sarah wouldn’t be dead right now!”

It felt like (y/n’s) heart stopped at the cruel accusation, and for a moment, she thought she might burst into tears in front of him.

“She’s not dead” She mumbled, her throat going tight.

JJ was at her side in a second, his arm winding around her hips and pulling her into him, about to drag her away without a word to Rafe.  He knew she didn’t want him to act out, and as hard as it was, he didn’t want to let her down.

He prompted her to follow him back to the table, forgetting about the water on the counter, he just wanted to get her out of this restaurant as fast as possible

“She is dead, they’re both dead because of you!” Rafe called after her, desperate to get the last word in.

“Why don’t you shut the fuck up?” JJ hollered back, throwing the Kook a threatening look over his shoulder.

“That’s fine sweetheart!” Rafe shouted, and (y/n) tried her best to block him out.  “Let your shiny new toy fight your fights for you! Just like John B did.  Do all the Pogues you fuck become your guard dog?”

That was it.

Any chance of her crying went out the window and next thing she knew, she was ripping herself out of JJ’s hold and lunging towards Rafe, swinging without any aim, but enough force that when she hit the Kook in the nose, she could feel the crunch of cartilage against her knuckles, and blood splattered onto the counter.

“You bitch-!”

Rafe barely had a chance to fight back before JJ was grabbing (y/n) by the waist, lifting her up and physically carrying her out of The Wreck.  Pope and Kiara hastily followed them out, laughing joyously.

“Are you crazy?” JJ asked, only setting her down once they were down the street, and they were certain that a group of Kooks wouldn’t follow after them to finish what (y/n) had started.

She was still scowling, and rubbing at her jaw where Rafe had just barely nicked her with his knuckles.

“Fuck,” JJ grinned at her, taking her by surprise.  “You are crazy”

“You’re not mad?” She asked, and all three of her friends laughed.

“Mad? Of course not, you just broke Rafe Cameron’s nose, baby!” JJ cheered, cupping her face in his hands and pressing a quick kiss to her lips, and then her nose, and then her cheek.  “That’s my girl!”

The whooping and hollering of her boyfriend, echoed by Pope and Kie, made her blush red and butterflies erupt in her chest.  Breaking a Kook’s nose was a strange thing to feel bashful about, but the attention made her shy.

“Come on, let’s get home and ice that before it bruises” JJ said, nodding to her jaw.

As they made their way to the Chateau, their hands latched and swinging between them, JJ continued to gush over how badass and amazing she was, no matter how much she laughed it off and begged him to stop making her blush. ___

[ every night i’m dancing with your ghost ]

February 19th, 3:15 p.m

“You’re lucky I pulled you outta there before he landed a whole punch,” JJ told (y/n) as he pressed a bag of frozen peas against her jaw.  “This coulda hurt a lot worse, why didn’t you duck babe?”

(y/n) let out a huff, swinging her legs from where she sat on the kitchen counter.  JJ was standing between them, coddling her much more than necessary.

“I dunno, I’m not some pro fighter like you” She retorted, and hissed when he pressed a little too hard against the sensitive skin.

“I know that was supposed to be sarcastic, but I’m gonna take it as a compliment anyways,” JJ retorted, earning a good natured eye roll from the girl.  “You know I’m proud of you, right?”

“I know,” She giggled back.  “You haven’t shut up about it”

“Can’t help it, it was fuckin’ awesome,” JJ gushed again.  “It was so hot, the most perfect punch, I wish I coulda taken a picture of the look on Rafe’s face, priceless.  You’re such a badass, I fucking love you”

He didn’t seem to catch what he’d said, but (y/n) did.  

Her eyes blew wide, and her lips parted momentarily, at a loss for words.  And since she didn’t know what to say, she decided the next best thing was to lean forward and capture his lips in a passionate kiss.

The kiss took JJ by surprise at first, but then the realization of what he’d said hit him, and he pulled away from her abruptly.

“Oh my god, I didn’t mean- well I did, but I-”

“JJ,” (y/n) giggled as he rambled, her hands laying across his cheeks.  “It’s okay, I-”

They were cut off by the phone ringing, which was odd, because it wasn’t their cellphone’s ringtone.  It took a second to even realize that the Chateau had a landline.

“What the fuck?” (y/n) pushed the bag of peas JJ was still holding away from her face, and hopped off the counter.  “Who even has this number? Oh my god, do you think it’s Thomas again?”

(y/n’s) heart began to race as she darted out of the kitchen towards the phone hanging on the wall.

“(y/n/n)- do you want me to take it?” JJ asked, worried that she’d freak herself out too much to actually answer the phone.

But she’d already unhooked the phone from the wall.

“Routledge Residence, (y/n) speaking”

There was a chuckle on the other side of the line, followed by a teasing, “I just knew that you weren’t gonna move out”

JJ couldn’t hear what the caller had said, but from the look on (y/n’s) face, he knew it couldn’t have been a telemarketer.

She dropped to her knees, the cord on the phone uncoiling completely as it stretched all the way down.  A choked sound between a sob and a gasp escaped her, and in a second, JJ was kneeling in front of her, jumping right into panic attack mode.

“(y/n/n), what is it? Who is it?”

“JJ there too? How are you guys-”

“John B?” (y/n) mumbled, voice shaky, scared that this was some practical joke at her expense.

JJ’s eyes went wide, and she finally looked up at him, his jaw slack.

“The one and only,” He laughed again.  “Guess I’m lucky you were at the house, I don’t remember any other phone numbers”

“I can’t believe it- are you okay? Is Sarah okay? Holy shit, John-”

“We’re okay, we’re both okay,” He chuckled, cutting her off.  “You’re not gonna believe this… but… we’ve got it”

“You’ve got it?” She repeated, confused.

“The gold, (y/n), we’ve got the gold”

“No shit-”

“Sarah says hi by the way,” He added.  “We’ll be back as soon as we can with it, okay? I don’t know when, but we’re working on it”

“What’s he saying?” JJ asked, but (y/n’s) brain was in a clusterfuck of information.

“I miss you- well all miss you- we miss you so much” She stammered out.

“We miss you too, (y/n)!” Sarah called, sounding distant through the speaker.

“We miss you a lot,” John B added,  “I’m sorry we didn’t call earlier, we just had to be sure there way it could get tracked-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I forgive you,” (y/n) said through a watery laugh.  “Just- just be safe, and get back as soon as you can, okay?”

“We will, promise,” John B replied.  “And I’ll try to call more too, okay? Look we’re… we’re working it all out right now”

“Okay, good,” (y/n) sighed, and wiped her teary cheeks with the back of her hand.  “I can’t wait to see you both”

“And when you do, we’ll be millions of dollars richer,” He told her.  “Look, we have to get going, Sarah has work.  The Kook Princess has a job here!” He told her with a laugh.  “I’ll call you when I can, alright?”

“Alright,” She agreed.  “Okay, call soon”

“Stay safe, (y/n/n), talk to you soon”

“Bye, John B”

He hung up, leaving the phone to ring a low dull sound, and (y/n) and JJ to stare at each other in amazement.

“They have the gold” (y/n) mumbled out.

“For real?”

“For real,” She nods back at him.  “They’re working on a plan to come home-”

Before she can finish, he tackles her to the ground, hugging her tight, and just letting the phone hang by it’s cord.  They’re laughing, she’s crying, and they can’t remember the last time they’ve felt joy like this before.

(y/n) sits up slightly, enough to wrap her arms around him and kiss him chastely.

“They’re in the Bahamas, and Sarah has a job, and- and they’re gonna come home” She rambled on as tears streamed down her face faster than JJ could wipe them away.

He’s grinning at her, kissing her whole face, everywhere he could.

She starts to giggle from the kisses, her shoulders raising from the ticklish feeling.

“JJ- JJ!” She cried out, having to grab him by his shoulders to get him to chill out.  “We have to go tell Pope and Kie!” “Okay, come on, let’s get going, I’ll drive you there now” JJ said, pulling her up to her feet, but before racing for the door, he wrapped his arms around her and spun her around in the air.

“I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it!” (y/n) cried out, giggling when he finally set her back down, and grabbed her hand before dashing for the front door.  “We’re going out tonight, baby!” She was so ecstatic, her body was practically vibrating.

He laughed, grabbing the keys to his dirtbike from the counter.

“Wait wait wait, JJ!” (y/n) called, her grip tightening on his hand as she pulled him back towards her.

“What? What is it?” He asked in a hurry, his eyes wild as he looked back at her.

She just grinned at him, before pulling him in closer, and leaning up on the tips of her toes so she could kiss him.

She could feel his tenseness fade away, and when she smiled it broke their kiss.

“I love you too,” She told him, her smile brightening before she reached up and stole another kiss.  “And I’m glad you’re here with me, always”

“Well, we do live together, sweetheart,” He teased.  “But you know I’d never go anywhere else”

“I know,” She hummed, and leaned in to kiss him one more time.  “You ready to go?”

“Yeah, quit trying to distract me!”

(y/n) laughed as she followed him out the door, an overwhelming amount of delight flooding through her as she got on the back of JJ’s bike, rehearsing in her head what she wanted to say to their friends, and how impatient she was to see John B again.

___

xoxo ~ jordie

[malereader-inserts]

Happiest Year

Fandom: Avengers Pairing: Avengers & Male!Reader Summary: Your statement is vague - they just did the best the can to counter it. Word Count: 1,485 Warning: Death

“By the end of the year,” You say, as you and the team overlook the lake, “I’ll be dead.”

“What?” Tony exclaimed as you chuckled.

It was January first, the night of celebrating the new year had truly hit the team hard. So, the majority of them were out by the docks with you, getting fresh air hoping it would wash away the hungover they were experiencing. It was a nice bitter morning, the cold was nipping at your nose.

Clearly, January would be cold.

“I just have a feeling, you know?” You answered, groaning as you wave them off, “Well,  my hungover is fading off - I’m going inside.”

It was the last time you mentioned it, but that doesn’t stop the team thinking about it. They don’t know what you meant by that statement, but they did anything to prevent a death. January was the longest ever month, everyone could feel it. But, with the snow in New York - they made the most of it. 

They haven’t seen you with so much joy before when playing with snow. It was almost weekly to make the best fort in teams, there were meetings of teams to create the best one before actually making it in the allotted day and time.

When the snow started to melt away and warmer days were arriving, the team had to think of new ways of keeping your life a little bit more exciting. Tony had the great idea of taking you to places you’ve never been before.

First of all, it was a trip around America, taking you to places you would love to visit. Natasha got great pictures of you and the team if Natasha was in the picture she either got one of the boys to take pictures or a stranger. 

You went hiking, went to explore the colours of Antelope Canyon. Took a trip to Savannah in Georgia, you got taken to see the sunflowers in Kansas. And you decided to get pulled into a trip to New Orleans. At Minnesota, you got various pictures with the Peanut character statues, Peter was too happy about this trip - he loved every minute of it.

You enjoyed the Smithsonian museum, you’ve been dying to see it - you dragged Steve around because he was equally excited to learn. When you visited each state to do something because Tony owns a jet and it was easy to move quicker.

He takes you to Tokyo and part of Japan. You visited stores of various shows and movies you love, you take part in trying new food. He takes you to one of the Scandinavian countries so you could witness the Northern lights, they were so pretty - but not as pretty as your face as it lights up. 

He brings you to different countries to taste their cuisine. Bucky was fond of Italian whilst Sam likes to argue that France had better food, Clint was just happy to be included. 

Natasha had started an album of places, one album dedicated to the US - it was full to the brim with pictures of you and the team. You never thought that she was a type of person to be scrapbooking, but she made you do the writing. 

You don’t question her.

There’s another album for Asian and Europe countries you have visited, with the European scrapbook, everyone had a different coloured pen to add their contribution of notes. 

You travel to South America, get to live the carnival life in Brazil. Somehow in between travelling, you get to enjoy the 4th of July back home in New York. You enjoyed immersing yourself in different culture during the summer until you were worn out of travelling by the end of August. 

You don’t know how you managed to keep travelling whilst some of the team were being sent off to deal with enemies. Not once, Nick had sent you away to a mission - the team asked, you never gave them a solid answer.

September was the start of autumn, it was the excuse of you guys taking a break from travelling. You helped Natasha finish the books, even helping her to make them look pretty by making some borders on some of the pictures.

October rolls in, it’s spooky season as Peter proclaims. You visit corn mazes, pumpkin picking. You make jack o lanterns, watch horror films. You had a blast in the Halloween party, you got to dress up once again.

By November, the team started to notice something wasn’t right. You had no energy to stand up, you were constantly sitting down. You were always cold, they thought because the temperatures had started to drop drastically, but even with the heating on in the Avenger base, you were bundled up in a blanket and your thickest hoodie.

“Still cold?” Bruce asked you, handing you a hot chocolate - noticing your shaky hands.

“Unbelievably,” You responded, there were tints of blue upon your lips.

You could barely keep food down in you, sometimes you were too tired to even make yourself food and hold a fork up to your lips. You were sick and it doesn’t seem like you were able to recover.

That was until by the end of November, you were hospitalised. For a week, the team was in the dark about the situation. There was a lot of talks between Nick and the doctor, between you and Nick, between you and the doctor.

“It seems like they’ll have to know,” You spoke softly, rough at the edges as if you haven’t been drinking water.

“Yeah, don’t suppose you want to tell them?” Nick asked, hoping it would bring out a smile to you.

“I wouldn’t be able to look of hurt in their eyes.”

Nick breaks them the news.

You’re dying, you have known this fact since the start of the year. Did you mean to keep that information from them? No, it never came up. You knew there was no cure, and you hated that. You’re a superhero, people look at you expecting you’re untouchable. 

Nick never wanted to send you out for a mission, he wanted you last year to be one to remember. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Steve asked, looking at you in the hospital bed.

“You never asked.”

“Is-” Bruce lets out a heavy sigh before continuing, “Is there a cure at all?”

“If there was I wouldn’t have told you I would be dead by the end of the year,” You answered, you let out a cough.

“Why?” Tony whispered, brushing your hair, “Why did you hide it from me? From us?”

“It was easier.”

The team looked at you, you look fragile, there was a clear loss of weight and you were too weak to even pick up stuff. You were a concerning paler shade of your skin tone. Sweat dripping from your forehead and you were shaking. Every so often you would cough so violently, a wheeze would escape your mouth - god it hurt you so much, the team could tell that. 

“A superhero is not immune to diseases with no cure,” You chuckled to yourself, no one joins you - they look at you with pain in their eyes. “I just want to thank you though.”

“For what?” Steve whispers, if he speaks any louder - he fears his voice will break.

“Thank you for the happiest year of my life.”

You died in your sleep at the age of twenty six. They didn’t expect it because despite two weeks composed of bad days, that one day, you were actually better.

But it didn’t matter. Because the team was there with him. Steve held your hand as you slept, held you even when the doctors came and told them you were no more. The team didn’t cry. They didn’t beg them to try again. Because that night when you were supposed to be unconscious, Steve felt you squeeze his hand twice.

It was your own way of saying Thank You.

Thanking them that they stayed by your side to the end.

The funeral was simple, after all, you were a simple man. It was just the team and people who truly knew you. They couldn’t hold back the tears, the funeral was quiet sobs, they couldn’t bare to look at the smiling picture that was present in front of them.

Christmas wasn’t the same without you, there was an empty part of the team. the new year came around, they drank so much that they regret it. They found themselves back at the dock, fresh air will help their hangover.

It’s been a year since you announced that you will be dying at the end of the year.

At least, in their mind, they gave you the happiest year - that’s all it matters.

You were happy and content with the life you have had. 

They were happy to be a part of your life.

[peachscribe]

peach’s summer book list

i had a lot of fun compiling the list of books i read during the 20-21 winter, so i decided i would do a summer one as well! i still have a lot of books i own but haven’t read, so im definitely not lacking in material

if you didn’t see my winter list, how my book list works is basically like this: i read a book that i own but have not previously read, write a short summary immediately after finishing the book, write down my thoughts on the book, and then provide a rating for the book. i also might include background info on why i read this particular book/feelings about the author, but that depends on the book. that’s how each entry works

without further ado, let’s get started!

1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

okay so i absolutely adore another book by andrew smith (written after grasshopper jungle) called the alex crow. it’s one of my favorite books of all time, so naturally i wanted to see if grasshopper jungle would make me feel similarly. just like the alex crow, grasshopper jungle’s plot is. so fucking weird. it stars austin szerba, a teenage polish kid who lives in ealing, iowa, and is often sexually confused regarding his girlfriend shann and his best friend robby. and in ealing, iowa, austin and robby accidentally and unknowingly unleash an unstoppable army of huge six-foot-tall praying mantis bugs that only want to do two things: fuck and eat. and i just have to say: andrew smith’s got an absolutely dynamo writing style. alex crow is similar, where it’s a book about kind of everything all at once, framed in a moment centering around teenage boys. it’s fantastic, and it’s more than a little gross, and i love it. this book made me feel so many things, and i thought austin was such an amazing narrator and main character to identify with. this book has it all: shitty teenage boy humor, fucked up science experiments, and poetic imagery that will make you want to cry. and explicit lgbt characters.

412/10 andrew smith what do you put in your water i just want to know

2. Burn by Patrick Ness

patrick ness has written a plethora of some of my favorite books (such as a monster calls, the chaos walking trilogy, and the rest of us just live here) so when i saw this one in the store i knew it would be a great one. burn is an alternate history fantasy that takes place in 1957 frome, washington, during the height of the cold war, and it begins with a girl named sarah and her father hiring a dragon to help out on their farm. but there’s not just dragons, farm living, and cold war tensions; there’s also a really shitty small town cop, a cult of dragon worshippers and their deadly teenage assassin, a pair of fbi agents, and a prophecy that sarah’s newly hired dragon claims she’s a part of. i think eoin colfer’s highfire was on my winter list, which also featured a story that included dragons and shitty cops, so when i first began burn i thought it was funny to have two books that had both things. you know, if you had a nickel etc etc. but that’s really where the similarities end because burn is entirely it’s own monster (dragon). burn is entirely invested in its world, and its fascinating. not only that, i had no clue where the book would take me next. there were so many surprises and amazing twists that honestly just blew me away. this book also includes beautifully written complicated discussions on family, race, and love - it features interracial and queer romances as the two most prominent romance plots which was such a nice surprise from a book i wasn’t expecting to have that kind of representation. this book is witty, fast-paced, and a very heartening read - i absolutely adored it.

9/10 dragons and becoming motivated by the power of love and friendship are so fucking cool

3. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann

i hate this book! as meat loves salt is a historical fiction novel which takes place in seventeenth century england, which is going through a grisly civil war. the protagonist, jacob cullen, is a servant for a wealthy household and is engaged to another servant in the house. but due to certain events that are almost entirely jacob’s fault, he flees the house and is separated from his wife. from there, he joins the royal army and meets a kind soldier, ferris, and the two become fast friends. jacob and ferris’s relationship begins to bridge past friendly, and jacob struggles with his homoerotic feelings as well as the growing obsession and violence inside him. also, they try to start a colony. listen, i don’t know how to describe the book because so much happens, but it basically just follows jacob and all the terrible decisions he makes because he is, truly, a terrible person. ferris is kind and good, and jacob is scum of the earth. he sucks so bad. the entire time i was reading this book (which took absolutely so long), all i wanted was for jacob to just get his ass handed to him. i wanted to see him suffer. and it’s not like i just personally don’t like him - i believe the book purposefully depicts him as unsympathetic even though he is the narrator. i did enjoy the very in depth and accurate portrayal of what life would’ve been like in seventeenth century england, and i think it was interesting to read a character that is just the absolute worst person you’ve ever encountered and see him try and justify his actions, so if you enjoy that kind of thorough writing, then this book would be perfect for you. however, i did not see that bitch ass motherfucker jacob cullen suffer enough. i’d kill him with my bare hands.

2/10 diversity win! the worst man on earth is mlm!

4. This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

i know ive had a friend tell me how great one of schwab’s other book series is, but truthfully i bought this book because the cover is sick as hell and it was on a table in the store that advertised for buy two get one free, i think. something like that. anyway, this savage song takes place in a future in which monsters, for whatever reason, suddenly became real and out for blood in a mysterious event nicknamed the phenomenon. august flynn is one of these monsters, but he takes no pride in that fact and only wants to feel human. kate harker is the daughter of a ruthless man and is trying her hardest to be ruthless, too, but deep down she knows it’s just an act. their city, verity, stands divided, and kate and august stand on either side - but when august is sent on a mission to befriend kate in the hopes of stopping an all out war, the lines begin to blur. this book rules. august and kate are such interesting and dynamic characters, and the narrative is familiar while still being capable of twisting the story around and taking the feet out from under you in really compelling ways. this savage song is part of the monsters of verity duology, and i can’t wait to dive into how the story continues and finishes.

11/10 sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover

4a. Our Dark Duet by Victorian Schwab

this is the sequel and finale for this savage song and i’d figure i’d update everyone: fantastic ending, beautiful, showstopping, painful.

12/10 loved it and will definitely be keeping an eye out for schwab’s other books

5. White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi

oh boy. okay. white is for witching is about a house, and it is about the women who have lived inside of it. when her mother dies abroad, miranda silver begins to act strangely, and there’s nothing her father or her twin brother seem to be able to do about it. she develops an eating disorder and begins to hear voices in the silver family house, converted to a bed and breakfast by miranda’s dad; and she begins to lose herself in the house and the persistent presence of her family legacy. white is for witching switches perspective dizzingly and disorientingly between miranda, her twin eliot, miranda’s friend from school named ore, and the house itself. this story is a horror story as much as it as a tragedy as much as it is a romance as much as it is a bunch of other things. oyeyemi brings race, sexuality, nationality, and family into this story and forces you not to look away. this book is poetry.

(like i mentioned briefly, this book heavily deals with topics of race and closely follows miranda’s eating disorder. read responsibly, and take care of yourselves)

15/10 this book consumed me and i think i’ll have to read it another 10 more times to feel it properly

6. These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

okay. okay. strap in for a ride. these violent delights is a romeo and juliet style story, taking place in glittering 1920’s shanghai. the city stands divided - not only between the foreign powers encroaching on chinese land, but also between the scarlet gang and the white flowers, who are at the height of a generations-long blood feud. juliette cai, heir to the scarlets, has recently returned from four years abroad and is determined to prove herself ruthless enough to lead. roma montagov, heir to the white flowers, is standing strenuously on his place as next in line due to a slip up four years prior and is desperate to keep hold of his title. and in the midst of juliette and roma’s burning history with each other threatening to combust, an unnatural monster lurks in the waters of shanghai, loosing a madness on scarlets and white flowers alike. this book has it all - scorned ex lovers, political intrigue, deadly monsters, and all set on a glamorous backdrop of the roaring twenties. i absolutely was enraptured by this book and the way it plays around the story of romeo and juliet so well that it easily became it’s own monster, but with the punches and embraces of something classically shakespearan. gong does just an absolutely breathtaking job of fitting this fantastical story amid the larger world of shanghai and the real life historical events that had shaken the city to its core. completely immersive and outstandingly heart racing.

17/10 i was chewing on my fingernails for the last thirty pages and will continue to do so until the sequel is released (our violent ends, 16 nov 21)

7. The Antiques by Kris D’Agostino

you ever heard of the american dysfunctional family story? this is most definitely that. at the same time george westfall’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, a hurricane hits the east coast, and suddenly all at once the issues of his health, the hurricane, and all three of his children’s achingly dysfunctional adult lives are crashing into each other. reunited by george’s death, the westfall siblings have to face their grief, each other, and the problems in their own lives they attempted to put on hold while planning their father’s memorial. this is a nice story about grief and loss and love and somehow finding the humor amidst it all.

(this book does include a depiction of an autistic child who does experience several pretty bad meltdowns due to ignorant people around him not understanding how to cater to his needs. im not an authority on what depictions are or are not harmful, but i do believe this depiction is ultimately loving and well-intended.)

7/10 it made me laugh and cry and was generally one of those books that somehow hit you close to home

8. Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill

fierce fairytales is a poetry anthology that reimagines classic fairytales from a modern, feminist viewpoint, acknowledging that the line between hero and villain, monster and damsel, are not as clear cut as the classics try to make you believe. this book also includes illustrations done by the author herself, which i think is really cool. my personal favorite story reimagining was the story of peter pan and captain hook, called ‘boy lost’ which looked at how peter and hook’s relationship began and rotted. all in all, i think this collection of stories had a lot of important things to say and said them in frank, easy to understand poetry and prose.

7/10 beautiful message and pretty prose, but at times a little cliche

and that’s all from the summer! my fall semester starts tomorrow, and overall i feel very good about all the reading i did this summer. i even read four other books not on this list for work! so i definitely feel like i made the most out of my time, and im really glad i was able to read so many stories that made me feel a variety of different things

thanks so much for reading this list, and let me know if you read or have read any of these books and tell me what you think of them!

happy reading<3

[natasha-romanoff-deserved-better]

The Day The Music Died

Summary:

“This’ll be the day that I die,” Yelena had sung those exact words in the car that day, and no lies were told.

Natasha never wanted to hear that song again.

Word Count: 3437

Also on Ao3 here

~~~

Natasha stares at the bandages wrapped tightly around Clint’s left wrist, eyes locked in on the red spots where extra blood had been soaked up by the gauze. Clint’s tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, softly drumming along to the song playing from the radio as he maneuvers the car around a bend in the old back road.

“I can feel you staring.” He says, snapping Natasha out of her trance. Clint takes his eyes off the road for a second to catch her gaze. “Nat, I’m fine. I promise.” It’s not going to change what happened, but he still tries. These types of missions were always hard on Natasha, and it’d only been made that much worse when one of the target’s bodyguards had managed to catch Clint’s forearm with a knife, dangerously close to critical veins. There had been a lot of blood and although Nat was easily able to stitch his skin back together, the close call had scared her - even if she refused to admit it out loud.

“I know you’re fine, idiot. It’s impossible to get rid of you.” She snorts and sends him a small smile. The radio cuts into a commercial, advertising their station and morning talk show before launching into another song.

A long, long time ago

I can still remember how that music

Used to make me smile

Natasha frowns at the song as an alarm bell begins to blare in the back of her head at the notes that drift out of the speakers. She furrows her eyebrows at it, a sinking feeling coming over her. Images from another time threaten to overtake her, and she’s too weak to stop them.

And I knew if I had my chance

That I could make those people dance

And maybe they'd be happy for a while

A blonde little girl, only five years old, prances around the front yard. She’s barefoot and wearing her pink sparkly sundress, hair pulled up into pigtails as she tries to catch a ladybug. Natasha watches from her perch among the tree branches. Mom Melina is kneeled on the ground as she works on the garden in front of the house, planting new flowers to replace the dead ones. She’s brought her portable stereo out, sitting it on the porch and playing at full volume. Natasha isn’t even aware of what song is playing until Yelena is running up to the porch, begging her to play it again. Mom Melina does. And then plays it again with an amused smile and quirked eyebrow when Yelena asks for a third time. Yelena cheers with joy as it starts again and rises to her tip toes as she begins to twirl and dance to the music.

Nobody knows what it is about the song that Yelena likes so much, but she loves it. She constantly asks for it, so much so that Melina loads it onto a cassette tape and keeps it in the car just for her. Natasha doesn’t quite understand what most of the lyrics are talking about, but she decides she doesn’t mind the song for Yelena. In a way, it fits- Yelena is the picture perfect little all american girl, apple pie personified.

Natasha’s frozen in her seat. She pleads with herself to move, to turn off the radio. She doesn’t want to hear this. She knows what verses are coming next, and her breathing catches in her throat as they start. These words hold no comfort for her anymore.

Bye Bye Miss American Pie

Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry

And them good ol boys were drinking whiskey and rye

Singin’ this’ll be the day that I die

This’ll be the day that I die

Her sister’s high-pitched voice singing the words, a beat behind as she moves her hands cheerfully, lost in the rhythm of the song. She’s buzzing with excitement- ready for her promised big adventure, too young and oblivious to notice their parent’s anxiety or her sister’s internal crisis happening in the seat next to her. Natasha can’t look at her sister, she doesn’t want her to see the panic she knows is written over her face. Instead, she keeps her eyes locked out the window, trying desperately to commit everything to memory. The red, white, and blue lights that light up the night, the football game where a band plays and people cheer, the abundance of restaurants where families are sat enjoying dinner. The normalness of it all makes her angry - how can all these people be so casual when her world is falling apart at the seams? Yelena begins to sing the verse about dying, and it takes everything within Natasha to not snap at her. She can’t bear to listen to her little sister singing about dying, so blissfully unaware of the possibility of the verse becoming true at any moment now. Natasha should say something to her, tell her to stop, tell her what was happening. But the lure of pretending one last time is too great for her to give away. She doesn’t say anything.

Did you write the book of love

A photo album, thick with pictures of them all sit on the shelf. It’s Natasha’s favorite thing in the house, and she often sneaks out of bed to stare at the photos. Realistically, she knows they’re all fake. But if she tries hard enough, thinks long enough, she swears she can recall the events. Thanksgiving had been fun; the food had been the best she’d ever tasted. Their summer vacation had been at the beach, and she swears she can feel the sun warming her face and the sand between her toes.

And do you have faith in God above

If the bible tells you so?

She and Clint had gone to a church once, as part of an undercover mission. She’d ended up having to walk out in the middle of the service. It had been too much. She could never believe in it, even if she wanted to. No loving God would ever create the horrors she had seen before her 13th birthday or give her a family purely to steal it all away so violently.

Can music save your mortal soul

And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Natasha’s feet hit the ground, still en pointe, as she lands the perfect Grand Jete. She tosses her arms out in the landing pose and holds it for a second before excited clapping breaks her concentration. Yelena sits there, smiling wide as possible, clad in her own black leotard and pink tights. She’s in the younger classes, not as advanced as Natasha yet, but it doesn’t stop her from trying. Yelena scrambles to her feet, crossing the floor to stand next to her sister.

“Teach me, teach me!”

It’s a complicated step, and Natasha knows she’s not ready for it just yet. She doesn’t want her to get hurt.

“I’ll teach you when you’re older, okay?” Yelena nods, and turns to the mirror, copying Natasha’s arm positions.

Natasha tries to force another breath into her lungs, but it’s harder now, her throat and chest constricted. She squeezes her eyes closed, trying to block out the flashbacks that continue to assault her.

Now for ten years we’ve been on our own

And moss grows fat on a rolling stone

But that’s not how it used to be.

Fifteen years. It had been fifteen goddamn years since Natasha had seen her sister for the last time. She refuses to let herself think of what might have happened to her. It pains her to think of her baby sister, who had once been so full of life, in such a horrid place.

Natasha wraps her arms around herself, arms holding each other tightly. She digs her fingernails into her skin, attempting to give herself something else to focus on and ground her. It doesn’t work.

Bye Bye Miss American Pie

Drove my Chevy to the Levee but the Levee was dry

Them good ol boys were drinking whiskey and rye

And signing this will be the day that I die

This’ll be the day that I die

Natasha doesn’t know how long they’ve been stuffed into this shipping container, crowded against a hundred other little girls. They’re all dirty, all starving, all terrified. The scent of sweat and urine threatens to suffocate them, the air hot and heavy.

She has tugged Yelena into her lap, arms protectively crossed over her torso to hold her close- hasn’t let go of her since the second they were put into here for fear of losing her amongst the other girls. She’s so tiny, and Natasha doesn’t trust any of the others.

Yelena stirs, a small whimper falling from her lips. Natasha tries to shush her gently, but it doesn’t work, and her sister keeps squirming. Her cries are starting to grow in volume, and one of the girls next to them sends them a dirty look.

“Yelena, Yelena. I’m here. You’re with me.” It’s the only words of comfort Natasha can offer her. She wishes she could tell her they were okay, that she was safe, that they were going to be fine. Instead, all she can do is assure her that her older sister had her. Yelena had stopped calling out for her mom a while ago, after her calls went unanswered and she finally realized no one was coming to rescue them. Natasha shifts them around, turning her back towards the others and away from prying eyes. Natasha turns Yelena on her lap, so that Yelena is facing her. “Yelena, look at me.”

Yelena shakes her head, so Natasha gently cups both sides of her face, titling her face up so that she has no choice. Yelena doesn’t resist, just locks her tear-filled eyes onto Natasha.

“I’m scared,” Yelena sobs through hitching breaths as her body trembles.

Natasha clutches her tighter and brings her closer, so close their noses are almost touching. “Don’t cry, Lena. Just sing with me.” Yelena frowns at her in confusion, and Natasha starts to sing under her breath, quietly, so that Yelena is forced to quite herself down and focus to hear the words.

She starts with the chorus, the part that Yelena knows and likes the best. “Bye, Bye, Miss American pie,” Natasha sings. The corner of Yelena’s lips quirks up in recognition. Nat pauses, prompting Yelena to sing the next line herself.

Her voice quivers, but she sings it anyways. “Drove my chevy to the levee…” Natasha nods in encouragement and joins her for the next verse. “But the levee was dry.” They sing the next few lines together. They near the last two lines of the chorus though, and this time, Natasha can’t allow her to sister to sing the last line. They hurt too much, they’re too real.

So she interrupts Yelena, skipping forward past the “Day that I die” line and jumping right into the next verse. Yelena doesn’t even question it, just follows her sister’s lead and allows herself to be completely absorbed in the whispered song.

Natasha sings almost the entire song to her sister, doing her best to remember as many lyrics as she could, and then starts over. She keeps singing, over and over again, until her voice starts to crack, and Yelena’s eyes are slipping closed in exhaustion.

“Tasha?” Clint calls, picking up the tension in his partner. She doesn’t respond, just stays frozen in her seat, locked in her own little world. “Hey,” He calls, a bit louder this time. He takes one hand off the wheel and places it on her shoulder gently. “Nat. What’s going on?” She’s shaking.

Instead of answering, Natasha claps her hands over her ears and leans forward, bending at the waist so she can rest her head atop her knees. She’s shaking her head, muttering something under her breath.

We all got up to dance

Oh, but we never got the chance

“Teach me, teach me!”

“…When you’re older.”

Natasha never got the chance to teach Yelena that ballet move. She wonders just how many other promises to her baby sister she’s broken.

“I’m going to pull over, Nat, okay?” A male’s voice comes from somewhere close by. His hand moves from her shoulder onto her back, to rub small circles on it.

Do you recall what was revealed

The day the music died?

She had never felt so stupid. Standing on that airway strip, holding a gun out in front of her, blocking Yelena. She had let her fall into the lie, childishly believe that maybe, just maybe Dad Alexei loved them like he said he did. As Alexei kneels before them, showing no sympathy to his daughters tears, she realizes that had never been the case.

The chorus starts again, and she feels bile rise in her stomach. “Bye Bye Miss American Pie” Natasha remembers how she had stolen that gun from a solider, shoved her sister behind her and threatened to kill numerous grown men for touching her. How desperately she had clung to Yelena when they’d been ripped apart. She hadn’t been ready to give up her sister, not ready to say goodbye to the American dream lie they had built side by side. “Drove my Chevy to the Levee but the levee was dry” The memory of Yelena’s face during those few days had haunted Natasha’s dreams for years. It had frightened her- even more so than the men with oversized guns. She had never seen her sister, who laughed at everything and loved the world with everything in her, look so despondent. She had tried telling her jokes to pry some kind of smile out of her. It didn't work. “This’ll be the day that I die” Yelena had sung those exact words in the car that day, and no lies were told. That day, when dad Alexei handed them back to Russians soldiers, they had both died. Died only to be remade and ruthlessly forged into something new, nothing more than weapons of mass destruction and trained killers.

There’s cussing to her left that pulls her back halfway to the present. She’s in a car, and she’s covered in vomit that runs down her front and onto her chest and lap. Clint has a hand on her, and he’s telling her just a second, Nat.

“Clint?” She asks, still slightly confused. She can still feel the weight of a smaller body on top of her, feel the soft blonde curls against her chin.

“I’m here, Tasha. Hold on.”

Oh, and there we were all in one place

A generation lost in space

With no time to start again

Countless little girls standing in a straight line, blank expressions, awaiting their next commands. They’re all mirrors of each other, no identity left for any of them to cling onto. Natasha scans over each girl, searching for the blonde waves she knows so well. She can’t find her.

The song drags on as Clint navigates the car off the road, coming to stop. He jumps out and jogs around, flinging Natasha's door open. She doesn’t move, so he reaches in and unbuckles her before slipping his hands into her armpits and pulling her out of the car. She tumbles to the ground, falling onto her knees.

And as I watched him on the stage

My hands clenched in fists of rage

No angel born in hell

Could break that Satan’s spell

Natasha catches Dreykov’s eyes on them, and she tightens her hold on Yelena’s hand. Her sister makes a small noise - she’s going to have bruises with how tight Nat is holding her- but doesn’t pull her hand away. Natasha curls her free hand into a tight fist, ready to swing if need be.

Dreykov says something to the men with guns next to him and points a finger at them. The soldiers start moving forward, and Natasha backtracks, tries to back up but Yelena stumbles at the sudden change in direction.

I saw Satan laughing with delight

The day the music died

Natasha screams her sister's name, gripping onto her as tightly as she can. Soldiers have hands on them both, ripping them away from each other. Dreykov is standing several feet away, a tiny smile on his face. Yelena is shrieking, hands desperately trying to keep her grasp on Natasha with all the strength in her six-year-old frame.

They lose their grip on each other and are dragged apart. Yelena’s voice dies out as they carry away the only thing Natasha had left.

Bye Bye Miss American Pie -

“Turn it off!” Natasha pleads, before promptly vomiting even more onto the ground. Clint’s hands support her head, keeping her from falling. “Off, please. I can’t. Turn it--” Clint’s hands leave her for a second as he scrambles over her, reaching through the open passenger door and slamming the power button on the radio.

Natasha lets out a breath, thankful for the silence. With the song no longer playing, her head is beginning to clear, the painful images retreating somewhere she could lock them away again.

“All done?” Clint asks her. She spits out one last string of bile and nods her head, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as Clint helps her sit up and lean against his leg. He doesn’t rush her, just allows her to sit and try to regain control of her breathing as he combs his fingers through her hair.

When Natasha can finally think again, she frowns at herself in disgust. “Sorry,” She apologizes.

“You don’t need to apologize to me,” he tells her. Clint reaches over and opens the backdoor, grabbing his go bag and digging around until his fingers find one of his clean T-shirts. He yanks it out, closes the door. “Can I help you change, or do you want to do it yourself?”

He’s honestly not even sure if she could change herself right now, with how much she was still shaking, but he gives her the choice anyways. She shrugs her shoulders, her way of accepting help without actually having to accept. “Okay, arms up.” Natasha raises her arms, and Clint carefully tugs her shift off her by the collar, making sure the filthy outside never touched any of her skin. He crumples up the shirt into a ball and tucks it in a bag. He bunches up his shirt at the neck hole and slides it over her head before gently guiding her arms through. It takes a lot for his partner to get to this state, and his concern grows with every passing second that goes by and Natasha is still out of it. He fixes the shirt over her torso, making sure she’s completely covered and then sinks down to the ground, leaning his back against the wheel of the car. There’s a soft breeze in the air, the slight chill nipping at their skin a welcome distraction. “C’mere,” he says, and guides Natasha into his side. She tenses for a moment, but then lets her head drop onto his shoulder, allowing Clint to take her weight. He wraps an arm around her to hold her close.

“I’m sorry,” Natasha repeats, and this time Clint doesn’t say anything. He knows she’s not apologizing to him, but someone not in their presence. He doesn’t push it. She’ll tell him when she’s ready, on her own time. He has guesses though. Clint had an older brother, and he knows what a protective but burnt-out older sibling looks like. He’s seen the way her eyes linger on certain little girls in public before snapping back, caught the way she had once brushed her fingers over a fabric doll with pink hair on a store shelf, heard the way she is able to understand children’s speech without any effort. She’s never mentioned a younger sibling before, but sometimes in her sleep, she mumbles a girl’s name, her hands clenched in fists as if trying to hold on to her.

He presses a kiss to her temple, a silent promise. He won’t push her- He doesn’t need to know exactly what happened. He knows how to support her and how to take care of her when she needs it and for now, that’s enough.

Years later, Natasha will press her forehead to an adult Yelena’s, both panting from the fight, Yelena upside down and laying in the wreckage of the red room. Dreykov is finally dead, by Yelena’s hand. Yelena cracks a joke, and Natasha smiles. They’ll never again be those little girls they once were, but they’ve finally found each other.

[atruththatyoudeny]

Happy 28th! I’ve read so many awesome fics this month! Make sure to check them all out. As always, all my love to all the authors in this fandom ♥

➻ don't want to fight you | starryharry | enemies to lovers - enemies to friends to lovers - pining - mutual pining - angst - fluff slow burn - no smut - 124k Louis hates that it’s familiar. He hates that sparring Harry is familiar because they train together. He hates that he even has to spar Harry at all, because Harry is good. Louis wonders what his life would be like if him and Harry didn’t hate each other. He can’t picture it, really. The incessant bickering that often turns into real arguing, the nasty looks, the eye rolls, the middle fingers. It all feels very necessary at this point. Or, the one where two fighters can also be lovers because routines are never permanent.

➻ we are ghosts amongst these hills | louisgaynkles | Soulmates - reincarnation - historical - slow burn - angst - fluff - 84k Harry spontaneously buys a house in Yorkshire because the universe, or fate, keeps leading him to it. What he didn’t know, is that his new house comes with a past that seems to be mysteriously tied to his own life. Before he knows it he finds himself travelling back in time, stuck in the middle of a century old love story. Featuring Louis as a farmer with a passion for gardening, Zayn as the heir to the local manor, Niall as a pub owner with a secret, and a truly underappreciated Liam. Based on Mariana by Susanna Kearsley

➻ through the wheatfields and the coastlines | thepolourryexpress | farms - cowboys - angst - implied/referenced homophobia - implied/referenced gun use - humor - smut - 53k “You’re not from around here, are ya?” Hot Cowboy asks, tracking his little lamb with his eyes. Louis frowns slightly, having thought he was doing pretty well at not sticking out like a sore thumb. It’s not like he’s not from around here — it’s not his first summer he’s spent at his grandparents'. But he supposes that the Manhattan city lifestyle that he’s used to is always going to shine through. “I’m visiting family for the summer,” Louis explains, cheeks a little pink. “Trying to get some work done without distractions.” Or, alternatively, the one where Louis needs inspiration, and a certain cowboy and his lamb are the perfect distraction.

➻ An Irrationally Strong Bond Between Two People | jishler | dystopia - friends to lovers - angst - first time - 18k Before The Advancement, most human lives and careers were plagued by irrationality and a lack of productivity. This was largely the symptom of what scientists refer to as “interpersonal passion,” which included two separate (though often conjointly occurring) phenomena: “love,” and “sex.” “Love” was a pre-Advancement word which referred to an irrationally strong bond between two people, which caused its sufferers to prioritise their fellow “lover,” as well as the integrity of the malignant bond itself, over vital things such as workplace productivity. Taken every two weeks in pill form, The Drug immediately removes interpersonal passion from the human psyche. Children’s friendships do not have the capacity to develop into full-fledged “love” since they are not yet adults. Every person over eighteen takes The Drug gladly, grateful that it allows them to be productive, clear-headed, and rational members of society. A few weeks before Louis’ eighteenth birthday, Harry and Louis fall in love. (Based on the book Louis writes in indiaalphawhiskey's Our Lives, Non-Fiction.)

➻ And When It's Time | larryftnoctrl | Soulmates - soulmate-identifying timers - 6k Louis wants a soulmate, Harry loves his free will. They don't exactly go hand in hand. Prompt: AU where you have a countdown on your wrist for when you're going to meet your soulmate and if you miss it the time will reset. Louis/Harry keep having awful luck and always are missing their time until one day they don't. Maybe the other one is scared/has anxiety about meeting their soulmate? Maybe one time they're in a relationship so they intentionally miss their time? Who knows! But they finally meet :D

➻ made for lovin' you | cuddlerlouis | a/b/o - enemies to lovers - hate to love - soulmates - hurt/comfort - angst - fluff smut - 53k “I’m in,” is all Louis receives. He blinks a few times, making sure he’s reading this right. “For real?” he asks, just to be a hundred percent sure. “Yes,” pops up. “How do you wanna pursue?” The alpha adds, like he’s on a special mission or something. “I’m gonna call us a cab to go to mine. Once I know it’s here, I’ll leave and join you there,” Louis explains. “I’ll text you to go around five minutes before it arrives, so it doesn’t look suspicious, and our friends don’t notice us leaving together.” “Noted.” So Louis does, and ten minutes later, he’s sat in the backseat of a cab, next to Harry Styles, the person he hates the most but unfortunately still finds attractive. They’re on their way to fuck in Louis’ flat. Splendid. - Or the one where a quick, horny decision ruins Louis’ summer plans, but may also lead to unexpected discoveries. Featuring the road trip of dreams, misunderstandings, and a bit of fate.

➻ deFENCEless | solvetheminourdreams | neighbors - enemies to lovers enemies to friends to lovers - gardening - fluff - humor - banter - no smut - 27k "I moved here first," Louis says with finality, crossing his arms over his chest. Harry shoots him an unimpressed look before leaning forward, leaving only a tiny gap between them. "Then get the fence first," he whispers, lips a mere inch or two away from Louis'. When Louis butts heads with his new neighbor who loves to garden a little too much, all he can do to protect his yard (and heart), is keep on building up his fence(s).

➻ Canyon Moon | delsicle | a/b/o - werewolf - soulmates - childhood friends - friends to lovers - arranged marriage - mutual pining - hurt/comfort - angst - 41k For as long as Louis has remembered, he has been promised to be mated to Harry, his best friend and the future pack alpha. But Louis’s heart belonged to the forest and to the hunt more than he could ever imagine it belonging to Harry. Then Harry’s father dies in a violent accident, and Louis’s future alpha disappears on the wind. An A/B/O Lion King AU

➻ only guilty of loving you | sweetrevenge | a/b/o - strangers to lovers - blind date - soulmates - fluff - angst - mutual pining - smut - 22k After Harry gets set up with his co-worker's alpha friend Louis, he's expecting some pleasant conversation, free dinner, and maybe a new friend. What he doesn't expect, however, is that Louis' arrival in his life begins a life of crime Harry never knew he had in him. A You've Got Mail!AU with a twist.

➻ 'Til Everything Changes | lovelarry10 | a/b/o - older characters - brokend bond - loss - falling in love - fluff - implied mpreg - smut - 57k Harry’s nose twitched as he caught a scent on the breeze, one that sent a shudder through his whole body. His eyes closed subconsciously, and he lost himself in the heady scent, the vanilla top notes, and the more woody undertones, making every hair on Harry’s body stand on end. That was how Harry discovered this man was an Alpha. “Jaz, Harry, this is my Uncle Louis. Lou, this is my girlfriend Jasmine, and her dad Harry.” "Lovely to meet you,” Louis grinned, leaning in and kissing Jasmine’s cheek quickly, a respectful Alpha gesture. Harry held his breath as Louis stuck out a hand, taking it almost reluctantly, certain the Alpha would pick up on his own scent and the nerves flowing through it. “Hi, Harry.” “Hi,” Harry said, his voice low and raspy, still affected by Louis’ scent. “Nice to meet you.” ~~~~ Harry’s an Omega who has been alone for too long. Louis’ an Alpha who is scared to find love again. Thanks to the meddling of Harry’s teenage daughter and her boyfriend, the two seem destined to meet, and it might just change everything they thought they knew about their lives. Will they find what they didn’t realise they’ve always wanted in each other?

➻ Mind Over Matter (You Under Me) | youreyesonlarry | ice hockey - hurt/comfort - angst - fluff - major character injury - pining - unrequited love hospitalization - smut - 74k It’s dark outside when Harry finishes practice for the day. -------- Prompt 21: Harry stopped playing hockey (after 10 years of a professional career) because of a severe injury. The dream he worked so hard for vanished in the blink of an eye. His family insisted that he had to go to physical therapy, even if it only helped his health. Cue to personal assistant Louis, the most efficient and kind PA one could hire

➻ Rooms on Fire | softfonds | a/b/o - actors - famous/famous - friends with benefits - secret relationship - 34k Ten years ago, Louis helping Harry through a heat was the start of a romance that ended in heartbreak. Now, Harry's marriage is over thanks to his husband's very public infidelity, and Louis is fresh off a Golden Globe win. The last thing they both expect is to be cast in the same movie.

➻ Stumbling Into Your Arms | sunshineandthemoonlight | a/b/o - strangers to lovers - college/university - fluff - 7k Suddenly, Harry’s nose was brushing against Louis' neck, where his scent was overwhelming. Harry jerked his head to the side and took a deep breath of air, trying to clear his nose of Louis’ scent. ‘Don’t get slick, don’t get hard, don’t get slick’, he repeated to himself in his head, like a mantra. Louis and Harry are university students heading home for the holidays. Harry quickly becomes enraptured by the attractive alpha standing across from him in the train carriage, who has a heavenly scent and a gentle smile.

➻ Little by Little | nonsensedarling | mpreg - non traditional a/b/o - exploring sexuality - exploring secondary gender norms - gender identity strangers to friends to lovers - mutual pining - fluff - slow burn - 65k Harry Styles is an omega who works at the London Planetarium, has lived in the same flat for ages, and is happy enough on his own. When he gets home from his first (horrible) attempt at dating in years, a new pregnant neighbor knocks on his door after smelling his cooking. He and Louis quickly become close, but their friendship gets complicated when Harry begins questioning who he is and what he likes. Or Harry discovers figuring out who you are is more complicated than a potato metaphor.

[thetypedwriter]

Cold Iron Heart Book Review

Cold Iron Heart by Melissa Marr Book Review 

I don’t think many people are aware or have read the Wicked Lovely series by Melissa Marr, but that’s alright. I originally started this book blog as I had so many thoughts and feelings about the books I was reading and yet no one to share them with. 

So I might be talking to me, myself and I in this book review, but at the end of the day, it’s still a way for me to express how I feel about the literature I’m consuming even if no one else is reading this. 

Wicked Lovely is one of my favorite series from when I was young. I still remember very clearly how my love story with these books started as it was odd and coincidental. I was at the grocery store with my mom and a promised “quick” trip quickly turned into an hour-long shopping spree as my mother was prone to do. 

Back then I was in middle school, had no cell phone, and was bored out of my mind. So what is any pre-teen to do? I went over to the small, sad book selection in the grocery story and picked up the novel with the most interesting cover. 

This book was Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr. 

I read it the rest of the day and finished it that night, consuming page after page. I was completely transfixed. It was dark, gritty, violent, sexy-all things that my twelve-year old self found entirely fascinating. 

It was a fantasy book about fairies, but these fairies were deadly, life-sized, cruel, violent, beautiful and loving. 

I’ve been enamored with fairies and fairy lore ever since. All because of this book and the series that followed. It hooked me in ways that I still don’t fully comprehend, but I understood then that I hadn’t read anything like it before and I was drawn into Melissa Marr’s world and never quite left it, even all these years later. I’ve gone back and re-read Wicked Lovely multiple times and each time I still found it enjoyable and alluring. 

Cold Iron Heart is a different beast. 

A few days ago, my best friend (who is a journalist) sent me an email saying that local Arizona author, Melissa Marr, was releasing a new book and that she might have the opportunity to interview her. 

I was ecstatic, of course, and not so subtly tried to persuade my friend to let me silently snoop in on the interview (I didn’t, by the way). 

It was then that I realized I hadn’t checked in on Melissa Marr for some time-what had she been writing? Imagine my surprise that one of my favorite series of all time not only had a new book-a prequel no less, but also several new short stories. 

I was flabbergasted. And beyond excited. 

So I ordered the book immediately and read it the moment it arrived on my doorstep to eventually find myself with...mixed feelings with a negative tinge. Okay, more than a tinge, more like a cascading waterfall of negative feelings. 

First off, the book is a prequel. 

Now. Melissa Marr could have done so many cool things with this. There are so many interesting characters that I would have loved to see more in depth or delve into their histories. 

Like Miach and Beira, for example. I’ve heard about the late Summer King since book 1, but never got to read about him as he was dead before the series began. However, his legendary love with Beira, the Winter Queen, would have been so incredibly bewitching to read about it, especially if it involved the birth of Keenan. 

This would have been an awesome choice. 

Irial and Niall would have been another incredible one, probably the best one. We’ve been told over and over again throughout the series that these two hot-heads with a past used to run the Dark Court together, wreaking havoc, taking lovers, seeking new heights, etc. 

But do we get to see this transfixing time? Nope. 

I would even have settled for a story about the Hunt, Sorcha and Bannanach, literally any character done in the right way. 

But...no. Melissa Marr decides to write a prequel that is literally a carbon copy of the first book Wicked Lovely, but innumerably worse. 

Everything in the prequel is exactly the same as the original novels. Miach is dead, Keenan is looking for his Summer Queen, the Winter Girl is pissed off for not being the chosen love of Keenan’s, Irial is temptation in the flesh, Niall and Irial are at odds, Bananach is causing discord, Sorcha is isolated and frigid, the list goes on and on. 

Nothing of consequence, novelty, or importance happens in this book. 

Frankly, it just felt like a terrible redo of the first novel, just set 100 years back. 

I didn’t give a single flying crap about Thelma or Tam or whatever her name was. She was a worse version of Leslie, of Aislinn, of every other cool female character we eventually get to read about in the main series. 

Thelma was contradictory in the worst of ways. She said one thing, like she would rely on no man and never have children and then turned around and did every single one of them like some sort of hypocrite galore. 

She was so irritating and boring to read about that I tended to skim her parts because it was just paragraph after paragraph of bitching and moaning about the same goddamn things over and over again: stay away from fairies, oh god this fairy likes me, no sex, no children, no love and then bam! She just throws it all away. 

Urgh. 

The worst part too is that this isn’t a well written book. It’s repetitive, quite boring at times, and caters way too much to the reader. 

Something I loved about the first Wicked Lovely is that Melissa Marr kinda just tosses you into her world and calls it a day. She doesn’t hold your hand or over explain. She just describes and lets you glean for yourself. 

I loved this aspect of the original series. I liked learning about her world and the characters this way. 

Cold Iron Heart spits on the idea of this concept. Marr repeats herself so much about the same things, who Irial is, what fairies are, why this is happening, that I grew increasingly irritated as the book went on. 

Who on earth is she explaining this for? New readers? Why in the world would any new reader start with this book? The newest one that comes after six others???? It makes no goddamn sense. 

So not only did I feel patronized and aggravated, but the love story between Thelma and Irial grated on me as there was no basis for their love. 

It was ridiculous with no shred of authenticity and I hated it, especially knowing that he already loves Niall and Leslie only to come back and say, “wait a moment! I had another true love that I’ve never mentioned before. Yeah. Her name was Thelma. Or Tam. Or whatever, I don’t know. I knew her for three days, most of which was just sex, and then I lost her after she had my baby but I conveniently forgot about it because of nonsensical plot! Hahahah, good right?”

No. Not good. Horrible. 

Overall, this book is a waste of time and trees. 

I don’t know why Melissa Marr even wrote and published this. I can see her writing this for herself because why not, but as a fan and a reader this was beyond disappointing. 

It’s like how all Harry Potter fans felt when J.K. Rowling wrote The Cursed Child and we got movies about Newt Scamander when we literally wanted anything else-Marauder series anyone??

It’s a particular kind of egregious offense when a favorite series or author of yours ends up ruining the canon you’re in love with. For that reason alone, I am stripping Cold Iron Heart from my heart and mind, like it never existed. 

Just like I did with Cursed Child, or the fact that you-know-who dies in Death Note (if you know, you know). I just...don’t believe it. It ruined all the lovely things Marr had previously written and the stories that defined so much of my love for YA, for fantasy, and for my own writing as a whole. 

I know for a lot of you this was a bumbling mess of a review with little to no clarity of the plot or who these characters are. Frankly, I’d be surprised if you are still reading if you didn’t know the book or the series in the first place, but that’s alright. 

Like I said at the beginning, this is a way to get my intense feelings and thoughts down onto paper and now that I have I feel marginally better, although still pissed off that this book exists and that I currently own it. 

Sigh. 

Well if you stuck around for the ride, I appreciate it. If you skipped this particular book review, I understand that too. 

Recommendation: Burn this book. However, if you want a gritty, tantalizing fantasy story, pick up the original Wicked Lovely and be whisked away into a world that has stuck with me since the first moment I read it on the fateful day at the grocery store. 

Score: 3/10

[ariel-seagull-wings]

TOP 12 BEAUTIES (FROM BEAUTY AND THE BEAST)

@princesssarisa @sunlit-music @mademoiselle-princesse @the-blue-fairie

@amalthea9 @theancientvaleofsoulmaking @astrangechoiceoffavourites @metropolitan-mutant-of-ark @superkingofpriderock @draculashaxanbride @lioness--hart @anne-white-star @gravedangerahead @grafedelweiss @lord-antihero​

Growing up, Beauty and The Beast has always been one of the fairy tales wich i have a deep emotional connection. I love how it combines elements of adventure, mystery, horror, comedy, drama and romance to form a beautifull narrative about external versus internal beauty, coming of age, self-discovery, familial love, friendship, building of a romantic love and redemption. And connecting me to this emotional rollercoaster of a story, is the heroine, the curious and sensitive Beauty, who faces her fear of the unknown to save the life of her father, and trough this act of sacrifice discovers eternal happiness in the most unlikely of places.

And tonight, i make this humble ranking in tribute to her.

12º Mitsuko Horie as Maria in Grimm’s Fairy Tale Classics (1989)

In this anime episode based on the german variant The Summer and Winter Garden, we are presented to Maria, a simple and hardworking peasant girl who is kidnapped by the Beast away from her family home. Maria lives a long period of silent sadness in the Beasts palace, until he starts to show a more sensitive and considered side, and she forgives him. When he lets her go visiting her family, Maria has to say goodbye to her father, who dies, and due to her grief, forgets for a moment of Beast’s castle. And after finally remembering, she rushes in despair hoping to save Beasts’s life...

Maria is the most vulnerable encarnation of Beauty, and one cannot help but constantly want to hug her in protection.

11º Léa Seydoux as Belle in Christophe Gans’s La Belle et La Bête (2014)

A young woman who tries to act always calm and serious, but inside herself hides deep sadness and melancholy, born from the feeling that she is considered guilty for the death of her mother at her childbirth. So she treats her journey to the Beast’s castle as a way to make amends, because she feels that if her father went to die at the Beast’s hands for picking a rose that she asked for, it would be another death that would be her guilt. And in the castle, exploring the mirrors that reveal the Beast’s past, she learns that someone shares her desire of becoming cleaned from any feeling of guilt, and take its right to happiness.

10º Trish Van Devere as Belle Beaumont in Beauty and The Beast (1976)

An older, more grounded and no nonsense, but still sensitive portrayal. Coming from a family formed by a well-intentioned but misguided father, two materialistic and mean spirited older sisters, a vulnerable younger brother and a cruel brother-in-law,  Van Devere’s Belle has great pressure over her shoulders to be the voice of reason to people around her, wich makes us empathize with the state of tiredness she gets in. She is always tough and honest when necessary, and kind and gentle when she also needs to be.

09º Nina Krachkovskaya/Amy Irving as Anastasia/Nastenka in Soyuzmultifilm’s Alenkiy Tsvetochek (1952)

In this animated short adaptation of the russian variant The Scarlet/Crimson Flower, writen by Sergey Aksakov, our Beauty is Nastenka, the youngest daughter of a brave captain of a merchant ship. Nastenka is a dreamer, shy, and prone to philosophical melancholy, even tough she doesn’t necessarily knows the reason of her sadness, what makes her self-discovery all the more relatable to audiences, specially young ones.

08º Marina Ilichyova as Aljona in Irina Povolotskaya’s Alenkiy Tsvetochek (1977)

Besides also sharing the shiness, sadness and melancholy of her animated counterpart, the peasant-girl-next-door Aljona is also a deeply frightened young woman, whose narrative arc involves learning to let herself loose a bit more, and not let her fears dominate her. This arc is highlighted in the moments where she gives a subtle smile when she talks to and plays along the Beast of the Forest.

07º Joyce Taylor as Lady Althea in Edward L. Kahn’s Beauty and The Beast (1962)

An elegant and confident noble lady, Lady Althea is the fiancée of the wise, brave and humble Duke Eduardo. She arrives at the dukedom excited with the wedding, but makes a discovery: since assuming power as a ruler, Eduardo is under a curse that turns him into a Beast every night. Now Althea has to deal with the dillema of staying to support her fiancée with her love, or leaving, in fear of his Beast side, and Joyce Taylor’s performance in the role engages us into this dilema till the end.

06º Dima Bawab as Zémire in Zémire et Azor (2014)

This comic ópera composed by the belgian André Grétry transports the story to a fairy tale land combination between France and Persia, presenting us to the adorable Zémire, a merry, romantic and idealistic young lady, who enjoys letting herself get loose in a world of dreams, reading books of fantastical stories. She also is curious and inquisitive, insistently questioning the servant Ali until he thells what concers so much her father, so she gets to take the journey to the palace of Azor, the Prince turned into a Beast. There, at first she is scared, but then, showing a sense of wonder, starts playing with the wolves that guard the palace and have merry conversations with Azor, with whom she eventually falls in love.

05º Josette Day as Belle in Jean Cocteau’s La Belle et La Bête (1946)

At the same time a relatable audience surrogate, and an individual character in her own right. Day’s Belle starts as a mysteryous woman, with a stoic, resilient face, and elegant, if rigid, gait. As the film rolls, we slowly get to piece her passions, her vulnerabilities and her fears. Specially her fear of leaving the comfort of her family home life, adventuring to the unknown, and falling in love.

04º Vanessa Williams as Beauty in Happily Ever After: Fairy Tales For Every Child (1995)

The sister of a tall and strong, tough lazy man, named Tree, and a pretty, tough vain lady, named Precious, William’s Beauty is brave, truthfull, altruístic, and also has a light hearted sense of humour and an introspective sensibility. The highlight of this encarnation is when she is at her home room’s window, she sings a song pondering her doubts between staying at her family home, or returning to the Beast’s palace.

03º Beauty from Megan Kearney’s Beauty and The Beast Webcomic (2012-17)

Made as a tribute to other Beauties that camed previously, while being her own version. An emotionally repressed young woman, who lost her mother at childbirth, and suffered bullying during childhood, being called ‘ugly duckling’ by other kids, Kearney’s Beauty grows burying her emotions in the hard work on her family’s farm, and is in search of an identity and a place in the world. One day she asks for a rose that grows in winter that appeared in her dreams, and this is the exciting incident that catapults her journey to the Beast’s enchanted castle, where she blossoms into a lady who is brave, witty and confident. 

02º Paige O’Hara as Belle in Disney’s Beauty and The Beast (1991)

The first encarnation i ever saw when i was a child. The young lady who newly arrived at a small village, with an introspective bookworm behaviour that is the target of her neighbours. She doesn’t pay attention to the gossip, but laments her loneliness, and longs for a friend who understands her sensitivity and shares her desire for adventure in the great wild somewhere. When she first meets the Beast, she resists coming closer to him,  who provokes fear and anger in her. But after the Beast saves her from wolves, Belle’s reaction, while still energic, becomes of compassion, empathy and zeal. As she spends more time with the Beast, learning to see him as her friend, Belle finally notices that her beautfiull discontentment was rewarded, because she finally found someone to understand her.

And now the moment that everyone was whaiting: My Number One Beauty is...

01º Zdena Studenková as Julie in Juraj Herz’s Panna a Netvor (1978)

Julie is the youngest of the merchant’s three daughters, and also the daughter born of his second wife and greatest love. This makes her the merchant’s favorite daughter, while in turn that favoritism makes her life very sheltered, since her father fears loosing her like he lost her mother. When she takes her father’s place and rides a horse to the ruins that the Beast calls his palace, you get the feel that is not only out of filial duty, but also a desire for freedom that motivates her decision. Arriving at her destiny, she is fascinated by the ruins and the magic that they contain, and gets even more fascinated by the voice of the mysteryous Beast, who unbknowns to Julie, is containing a violent desire to devour her. Slowly, Julie learns that it wasn’t just out of curiosity that she inquired and playfully talked to her host: even without seeing the Beast, Julie is falling in love with Beast, and must decide wheter she accepts this feeling or rejects it and returns to the safety of her family home.

Starting out as passive, but slowly revealing herself to be braver than she ever expected, showing strenght in her vulnerability when learning to find the sublime in the grotesque, Zdena Studenková’s Julie is both an easy to follow audience surrogate and a unique individual character, beautifull in her complexities, and that is why she is my Number One portrayal of Beauty.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Susan Sarandon as Beauty in Faerie Tale Theatre (1984)

[pollyna]

Set from before Casino Royale to pre-SPECTRE but mostly I respect the sacred rule of the whom who write 007: timeline and events what timeline and what events. And, most importantly: au what-if Safin took Madeline with him. wip. (So on discord they were talking about all the wrongs they did with Madeline so here we are. Already posted a snap a while ago, this should be the longer version. I'm a little stuck so if you have ideas or want to share your thoughts on this let me know :))

Freezing water almost kills her, but it creates a bond which one with half of a white mask that saves her twice: from an absent father, a drunk good-for-nothing mother and from death, too. Safin, she will learn a couple of hours after the fact, saves her with the same violent rage he killed her mother. When she's drowning, slowly and painfully, she almost starts resenting him because she didn't give her the time to spit in her father's face. 

But she lives long enough to be saved, be taken to Russia and then in the middle of the Indian Ocean on an island where she is the only child or the only other person who lives there not to work. Safin gives her the best teacher, the best education and the best knowledge of what power really is. He gives her knowledge, teaches her about power and how to handle it, and he gives her a new surname. Madeleine White dies in the middle of a winter, when she is 13 and Madeline Swann lives, prospers and Safin looks at her like the most precious and poisonous of his flowers. At seventeen, she speaks more languages than she could ever have used to, she's as quickly with her tongue as she is with a gun, a sword or a knife, and she runs her little side of Safin's empire selling artfully crafted perfumes to bored wives and reluctant men with too much to be forgiven. She makes more in six months than she would probably do in a lifetime and the man is so proud he ends up opening his books to her.

And she loves it until she gets bored, and the island gets too small and her teacher is not knowledgeable enough. Madeline is twenty and Safin says goodbye, and I'll see her for Christmas before giving her the keys to his flat in Paris where she will study whatever she wants. Psychology is what she goes for. After the art program and the literature ones are too weak for her interest and the science one is too theoretical. She dates Jacque during her first semester, goes on dates with him and his friends, eats junk food and buys expensive little presents for Safin. She never takes anyone back to her place and two days before the beginning of the Christmas holiday, dumps Jacque with a kiss on the cheek and a sorry barely spoken. Safin is waiting for her at the airport, the truest smile he can master on his face and a wall of bodyguards who don't let Madeline hug me until they check her persona. Safin gifts her with a new planet, of my invention, and she hugs him so tight they lose their breath for a second or two.

Madeline goes back to Paris with a new fragrance and one, or maybe three, books on Safin's business in Europe. She spends her second semester studying and creating new connections and making everyone back home so so proud of her. It's the first time in a long time she had to kill someone and she doesn't loose a night of sleep because of it.

During her second year, she meets Sophia, and she is sweet, tall and athletic, and her boyfriend Manuel, an Erasum student from Spain. With them she spends more time around the city than she did a year before and her business grows and grows. She kisses both of them before going back for Christmas and kisses them when she is back, Safin's anger still picking at her like a second skin. She trashes her flat in every way she can and organises parties in it, selling all her goods for nothing more than ten euros and let's Sophia and Manuel stay over as long as they want. She doesn't go back for the summer, and it's almost December of her third year when Safin himself comes to Paris. Manuel is the unfortunate soul who opens the door but, at least, when Madeline shoots Sophie she's still sleeping. It doesn't take much for them to arrive at a peaceful ground, even if neither of them remembers why they were fighting in the first place. Safin's plane leaves France the morning after and Madeline stays behind because crying and doing all the shares of the grieving girlfriend. She leaves Paris a week later because her professors think she has to take time to grieve and process that terrible, terrible accident. She graduates the same day the detective, who's following the investigations, dies in the most natural and mysterious way after having received a bottle of perfume he didn't even open.

From Paris she flies to North Carolina State University for her second degree, in botany this time and her master's in psychology. The state of the art labs of the botany department is more a home for her than her actual apartment. Here she develops perfumes and new poisons, always more sophisticated and lethal. Every new invention and discovery are rewarded with a gift, a new apartment, a car, the best spots for a concert and an incredible time, and Safin takes her all the way up to dine in New York while he's in the States on business.

She doesn't really have time to date, even if she could. There aren't enough interesting people around worth the effort, but she likes going to fancy clubs during the week and finding someone who can fuck her and shut up long enough to make her come and let her slip away before the sun is up. She is walking, hiding more because she's late even when her shoes aren't the most comfortable ones she owns, back to her apartment after leaving her one-night stand with a fake number when she sees them: it's six am in the morning, the older man is already wearing a suit and the hiding one is hide half behind his scarf and half by his own hat. The younger one has his arm around the waist of the older one and every three steps they exchange a kiss, sometimes a peck, sometimes long enough that the older man's fingers intertwine in the other's hair. She looses two subways, and she's definitely late for her first lesson, but watching the two men makes her want in a way she hasn't felt in a while. She can see herself and Safin in their position and it's all warm and bubbly feelings in her stomach: that same day she comes out with the most sweet smelling poison she could have created.