#‘I would’ve been fine if they ended the show with him in a female vessel’ so you want him to experience DYSPHORIA???

[pussypopstiel]

Past Fem vessel cas is one thing but the moment I hear something along the lines of him ending the show in a female vessel or he should’ve gotten a female vessel I have to turn my phone off

[rieson]

Hii! I was wondering if u take request  👉👈 if u do (and don't mind) can u do a zoro x female reader with big chest but the episode 625 with momonosuke who is in reader chest all the time but doesn't bother her. If u dont want ur free to ignor this 😔.

hello !! sure, i'm currently still practicing for zoro at the moment so i apologize if he's ooc in some parts or another, i'll do my best. thank you for requesting <3

Pairing : Roronoa Zoro ✗ F!Reader

Genre : Fluff(?)

Content Warning : Strong Languange, Fem!Reader

Word Count : 724

─ momonosuke being a brat and tests zoro's patience and self control

"oi! that's my woman gtfo!"

WHEN i say it takes a lot to get under Zoro’s skin and make him irritated, it really takes A LOT (this doesn't apply to a certain perverted curly eyebrow cook).

Being Luffy’s first mate, Zoro’s used to all the stupid shit/stunts his strawhatted captain does, making him, if not, the most patient person ever (again, this doesnt apply to a certain blond cook in his crew).

Therefore, you have to either BE the perverted cook to make him super irritated, or you wake him up from his nap time hour.

But this was different.

                              ────────── 

The thousand sunny go ship rocked calmly against the waves, the sound of seagulls cooing while flying in the sky in groups can be heard.

The strawhat crew, (and the heart pirates captain) has finally managed to get out of the Hell Hole, Punk Hazard and capture Caesar Clown.

Making their way to the next destination, Dressrosa.

It would’ve been a calm trip, but let's be real, it's the STRAWHAT crew. A place where a ‘calm atmosphere’ barely even exists. 

Zoro was doing his daily nap on the ship's deck, arms behind his head as he not-so-subtly snores.

You, on the other hand, was with Nami giving Momonosuke a tour of your awesome vessel !

In the library, you sat Momonosuke on your lap as you read one of the books you picked for him.

Your chin on his head, while the kid's back was lying comfortably on your chest.

“The Grand Line is the gigantic ocean current that circles around the planet, flowing from west to east. It follows an imaginary line that runs from north-west to south-east across the middle of the world and perpendicular to the Red Line, a vast ring-like continent that circles the globe from north-east to south-west.” You read to him.

Momonosuke nods eagerly in return, his head pressed to your chest, making it look like the kid was suffocating in your breasts.

“Reputed as the ‘pirate's graveyard’, the sea and the islands possess a vast number of unpredictable phenomena that are not seen anywhere else in the world─ Momo-chan? Are you okay?” You ask the way too enthusiastic 8 year old.

“Huh!?- Yea! I-I’m fine” He replies, looking delighted for some reason.

“Are you sure? Can you even breathe in the-”

The door to the library slams open, revealing a VERY angry looking green-haired swordsman, glaring daggers at Momonosuke.

“Zoro? Did something happen?-”

“Oi kid.” Zoro sternly spoke out.

Momonosuke visibly flinched at his tone and you caressed his cheek to calm him down.

That action of yours was greatly appreciated by Momonosuke, but greatly made your boyfriend more grumpy.

A smug smirk grew on Momonosuke’s face, that action stays unnoticed by you but noticed by the swordsman, making him, very much irritated at the 8 year old in your lap.

“What are you doing?” Zoro asked

“Reading with [Name]-san duh!” Momonosuke answered, squishing his head closer to your chest.

“Momo-chan?-” You started but conveniently got cutted off by your boyfriend.

“Kid, you better get off of there.”

“No!~”

“Brat.”

Momonosuke merely showed him a perverted grin in response.

Now THAT irked Zoro by a lot

Not only did that brat was taking advantage of sitting in your lap, he was being too smug for Zoro’s liking.

Afterall, your lap is HIS personal favorite napping spot, no one’s allowed to sit in there or put their head in there except Zoro.

Zoro liked using your chest as a pillow (not in a perverted way, its just a really comfortable pillow for him and gives him great naps) and seeing the little brat squishing his face onto you was making him want to put Momonosuke on his Number 1 Hit list.

“Oi. That's my woman, gtfo-”

“Momo-san! A feminime voice spoke out.

 “Come on! We’re going to show you the Aquarium Bar!” The voice, revealing to be Nami’s voice said.

“Ah! Okay ! Thank you [Name]-san, I’ll go to the aquarium bar now!” Momonosuke flashed a toothy grin at you, jumping off of your lap and heading towards the door.

Before he left, he sent Zoro yet another smug grin and zooms out of the library.

Zoro grunted, “That brat..”

“Aw.. Were you jealous?”

“No.”

“Your face tells otherwise.”

“Shut up and let me nap on your lap.”

“Pfft-! Alright, come here you big baby.

                                             end.

                                     ────────── 

[iit-s-kitty]

"My problems with Rise of Skywalker, because fuck being neutral this movie was a crime"

Written by a disappointed Star Wars fan that happens to ship Reylo, and who will most likely ends up rewriting this mess in her fanfiction

The ridiculous fast pace: seriously, this movie feels like the project you forgot to do on holidays and the due date is tomorrow, so you're just doing the "important plot points": The Palpatine plot? Check. The Rey's parents plot? Check.

The lack of closure for the character's storylines: throughout the sequels it was stablished storyline that allowed for the development of different characters. For example, Finn learning that escaping is NOT the way of opposing the First Order, Poe learning to be the leader the Resistance needs, Han coming back in order to face that what became of Ben's was equally his fault as well as Snoke's, and the most important ones being Rey and Ben's journey. Here? All forgotten. Suddenly we erased whatever happened in the last two movies and give everything for granted, because no one gives a fuck about what happened. Poe is the same as he was, Finn is still hung up on Rey and exhibits no personality of it, Rey has no sequels of what happened in Ach-To at the cave or in the Throne Room with Kylo, and speaking of which...

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED WITH KYLO? We cut the last movie on the biggest cliffhanger for this character: he had killed his master in order to gain more power (ironically surpassing Darth Vader... Only that Kylo did it in order to protect Rey, something he wasn't looking for and ended up wanting her at his side), became the Supreme Leader and witnessed the almost complete wipeout of the Resistance as well as Luke's demise. Yet to him it meant nothing because the only person that managed to connect with him decided to stick to her own path and giving an open door to the redemption arc. The logical step was having him as this ultimate boss they all had to defeat, The Supreme Leader... That would progressively become more and more disenchanted with it. Snoke is gone, his abuser is finally gone but what can he do about it? He still has all this rage, all this pain. Think of Zuko when he finally "regained" his honor by supposedly killing the Avatar, yet he felt it wasn't worth anything because he had betrayed the only person that cared for him, in Kylo's case it would be the "death" of Leia, the lack of closure on his part with Luke, Han's death and of course, Rey turning his back on him. What does RoS do? NOTHING. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Sure, Kylo does redeem himself but the way of doing so...

What the hell with Kylo's redemption? Sure, it happened but the execution was awful. If Kylo was to be redeemed it needed to be EARNED. I'll take again Zuko's example: Zuko not only faced remorse that he was lying to the face of everyone and that Azula could rat him out, it all felt empty because all these people had never cared for him, unlike Iroh did— and now Iroh was imprisoned, starving and humiliated in the deepest cell of the Fire Nation because of him. Sure, he regained his honor, but it comes to a point where he himself said it: "I'M MAD AT MYSELF, because I can't tell the difference between right and wrong anymore". Then, he learns of what his grandfather Sozin did to the Avatar, his best friend, and he knows what to do: the only way to truly regain his honor is to right what his family did wrong and help Aang bring balance. He tells Ozai (which funny enough is voiced by Mark himself) a beautiful "The reason you suck" speech and goes out of the palace to help the Gaang and... They don't want him there. They're ready to kill him on the spot because of all Zuko made him went through and Zuko does NOTHING to stop them. He fully accepts the guilt of what he did and shows with actions that he truly means to redeem himself and train Aang. And even then he faces suspicion and prejudice by the whole Gaang at first. Then, on the Sozin's Comet he helps them by defeating Azula with Katara and helping in the search for Aang, and becomes Fire Lord by the end of the series, intending to start a new Era of peace with Aang's help.

What I'm trying to say here is that, if they were trying to redeem Kylo, fine, do it! I know that the fans of the character (which aren't few) and fans of ships like Reylo were rooting for a redemption of Kylo. But if that route was the one to be taken, then Kylo had to, as we say here in my country, "go through a fuck ton of work to do so". He would first need to doubt whether this was the true path for him (something he was already doing), see the true extent of what the First Order was doing, throw a few punches with him and Leia's relationship as well as his relationship with Rey. They needed to work on his reasons to switch to the Light side of the Force in order to do the redemption and yes, we could say they did it with the Reylo, which I'm a fan of. But it was rushed, sloppy, it wasn't earned ffs.

Leia, Han, Luke, and the whole treatment of the original trio in this shtick: I know, I know that Carrie Fisher is dead and everytime I remember it, I kid you not, I cry because she was a wonderful woman that showed me that despite my mental illness I could still do something worthwile with my life, that I could take the pain to do something beautiful with it. And Leia is a wonderful example of a female character. I know that because of Carrie's death they couldn't do a lot with the character— but that is not an excuse then they put a woman on CGI with her face in order to give "closure" to her character, and I'm sorry but if that was closure for Leia then I'm princess Diana. Leia was Kylo's mother, if someone was rooting for Ben to come back then it was her (as well as Rey, but that's something I'll discuss later) and if someone deserved to have a final moment with him, to see him come back, IT WAS HER. Let me explain, as I said before, even the members of the original trio had a journey of their own here: Han's was trying to reach out for a son he didn't always treat right (if not that he outright feared him) and take responsibility as a father; Luke's was coming to terms with what he did, come out of his depression and acknowledge that Ben can indeed come back as well as to take responsibility for his mistakes. Leia's, given her role as a mother figure throughout this trilogy as well as a leader for the rebellion, was learning to accept the help of a new generation and to guide them, as well as trying to reach for her son in order to make him see the true path. If Kylo is Zuko, then Leia is Iroh here (someone should make a fanart of Kylo apologizing to Leia like Zuko did with Iroh btw). But NOPE, her only purpose is to die so that REY has to have compassion for Ben and then let HAN, OF ALL PEOPLE, reach out for Ben. The whole last movies were building for a moment with Kylo and Leia, to have either a confrontation or a reunion and even if they had the means to do so despite Carrie's death, they gave us nothing. Zero. Nada. Leia died being a prop to Rey and not even her arch with the Resistance was closed. What a rip-off!

Why the hell do we have to bring the Emperor back? No, really, fans of Star Wars— why do we have to bring Sheev Palpatine back and WHY did it have to be the way it was handled? You want to him back? Okay, do so, BUT NOT IN A WAY THAT UNDERMINES ANAKIN'S STORY. By bringing Palpatine in a "he was always alive" fashion, not only do we open the door to a fuck ton of plot-holes, but we shit on the entire Original Trilogy and the journey of Anakin Skywalker. He died for nothing, yes, he saved his son— but the Galaxy was still on the clutches of this monster, HIS FAMILY WAS STILL IN DANGER BECAUSE OF HIM. Heck, as much as I think the EU was a mess with overated or downright badly written characters (cofcofMaraJadecofcof) the whole "The Emperor has a clone as a failsafe and thus come back" was a better way to bring him back. You wanted to make Rey the relative of someone important? Make her the Emperor's clone, the future vessel a le Sasuke and Orochimaru— BUT DON'T GIVE ME THIS SHIT.

Also, if Luke knew so well where the Emperor was hidden that he even made a MAP to him, why didn't he grab Leia (who's now an even better Jedi than he was, apparently), went to Exegol and beated the shit out of his old butt? IT WOULD'VE SURELY BEEN MORE BADASS THAN THIS.

Rey is now a damn Mary Sue: coming back to the theater with my friends, we joked that Rey is the maid of your grandfather that ends up being the one is given everything after your grandpa's death.

The last movie, Rey was given the harsh truth as well as us: not only were her parents pieces of shit that never cared about her, thus not coming back— but us, as viewers, were given the truth that there was no mystical lineage of heroes to explain her powers, that she was just... A nobody. She was the underdog, the Foil to Kylo's ascendancy of heroes and villains and all around famous people. Rey had always dreamed that her blood family would come back, that someone else would come and sweep her away from her personal hell— only to learn, from someone like Kylo, that no one was going to do so except for her. And it was a fucking amazing character arc!

But reddit theorist don't care about any of that. SHE CAN'T BE THAT POWERFULL UNLESS SHE IS SOMEONE'S DAUGHTER! And thus, we shit on the last two movies, her character and her development in order of pleasing people that couldn't stand her being the Jedi of the trilogy in first place.

Not only are her parents now tragic heroes that tried to save her (then why LEAVE HER WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? 👀), but the worst part is that they try to give us a "the family you make is more important than the one that birthed you" by her taking on the Skywalker name. Despite having her entire relationship with Ben going back to nothing on this movie and only kissing him at the end.

AND EVEN IF SHE TOOK ON HIS NAME, IT WOULD'VE BEEN "REY SOLO". ARE THEY EVEN LOOKING AT WHAT THEY'RE WRITING?

Rey deserved better than to be the fullfilment of dudebro's complaints and reddit theories.

This movie pulls ALL the punches: say whatever you want about The Last Jedi, but that movie had BALLS unlike Rise of Skywalker. C3PO can lose his memories in order to help the Resistance? DON'T WORRY, HE HAS A BACK UP. Chewie might be dead because of Rey, and thus opening the door for interesting character development as well as an emotional moment for us all? FUCK THAT NOISE, HE WAS ON ANOTHER SHIP. And now, Rey is a Palpatine, Ben dies because WHY THE FUCK NOT, and thus we ensure a narrative so paint by the numbers that would leave everyone happy, right?

The whole fucking Sequel Trilogy was about making a new path, taking risks and opening a new age— even if that meant to let go of the past (heck, it is said in TLJ). See it for yourself: TFA has a Stormtrooper deflecting, the death of HAN SOLO, and a woman who is a nobody being more powerful than the grandson of Anakin Skywalker; TLJ almost kills Leia, they tell us that Luke is responsible for Ben going to the Dark Side of the Force because of his paranoia, the Rebellion is left in shambles, Rey learns that her parents were alcoholics and are dead, and Luke sacrifices himself.

"But Leia died—" Leia died because Carrie is dead, Karen. Otherwise I bet you that she would've lived like Lando did.

We're so feminist and woke!... Or are we?: let's see: Rose Tico, because bigoted morons are a big sector of this fandom sadly, almost doesn't appear in this movie. In fact, she doesn't even talk to Finn despite the fact that the last movie build up to them being love interest.

They introduce us to the character of Zorrie, who appears like an old flame of Poe but doesn't stop her to being a person that would put herself above others— even if it means to throw them under the bus. That would make for an interesting character! But nope, she is only there to be an exposition bot for Poe and making him look good.

They introduce us to Jannah, a woc that like Finn, used to be a Stormtrooper and has fled the First Order and went into hiding, alongside people like her because of the sheer fear they have of being found. That would make for a kick ass plot were they regain their fight spi— but no, she's only there to make Finn look special.

This movie (and like many Disney live actions) appears to be "woke" in order to ensure a better box office, but that is— they look the part but don't exactly play the part. They only use this movements in order to further their own sales— they don't care about representation because, with what they did to Rose, they show you that the moment representation stops selling tickets they'll throw it out of the window.

If you agree and have more to say.

[obeyme-and-you]

King Solomon the Wise Part 1

(Take 2)

What wisdom will you bestow upon us today?

Since he decided to drop a bomb on me after I practically finished the first draft :)

Gabriel is Italics

Kimimela is Bold

Verses are Normal

King Solomon is a big figure biblically, having his life primarily discussed in three books, has two Psalms with his name, wrote three canonical books, has two books of poetry bearing his name, is attributed to “The Wisdom of Solomon”, has a legend written about him in the “Apocalypse of Adam”, “wrote” the “Testament of Solomon”, “The Greater Keys of Solomon”, and “The lesser Keys of Solomon.” I am being punished for my hubris. So, because of this Solomon will be a multipart affair :)))). I am unsure of how much of any of these will actually be of use and how far I’m willing to dig my grimmy little fingers into this but that will be a problem for future Gabriel. The webpages I’ve used to gather some information:

http://www.lastgasps.com/Solomon_-_The_Testament_Key_and_Legematon_of_Solomon_(unabridged).pdf

https://www.britannica.com/biography/Solomon

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solomon

(Do NOT at me for using wiki, this isn’t for some English class so I don’t particularly care)

The last two were just for gathering some information of where he appears in the biblical canon and it turned out it was much worse than I realized since he also has other books about him or written by him. Everything I quote will be directly from the pdf file which is a transcription of The Testament of Solomon, The Greater Keys of Solomon, and The Lesser Keys of Solomon. This particular essay will only mention The Testament of Solomon, which is the first 35 pages of the pdf. There is a good chance that this may later be revisited and edited based on what Obey Me decides to throw at me, since, ya know, already doing this a second time cause Obey Me Solomon is a coward while cannon Solomon is,,,wild. 

*Note: even though I am using the Testament of Solomon because it is important in understanding and explaining Solomon in Obey Me, it is not considered a biblical canon. In fact, even though it’s said to be written by him, it’s debated on when it was actually written. Even in real life Solomon is shady.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testament_of_Solomon

Well, let's get to it then.

MAJOR OBEY ME SPOILERS UNTIL CHAPTER 36

King Solomon the Wise Part 1

What wisdom will you bestow upon us today?

The Testament of Solomon is about King Solomon forcing demons to follow his orders in the construction of the First Temple. He was given a ring by God, delivered to him by the Archangel Michael, that would allow him control over any demon. The majority of the text describes the demons brought before him, and who they are weak to (usually the name of an angel that when used forces them to leave). While some of the demons mentioned are important to mention, they will not be discussed in this essay. Instead, we will look into prophecies stated by demons, and some events that transpired with King Solomon.

Page 2, paragraph 5

(In reference to a child being attacked by a demon nightly)

"Now when I Solomon heard this, I entered the Temple of God, and prayed with all my soul, night and day, that the demon might be delivered into my hands, and that I might gain authority over him. And it came about through my prayer that grace was given to me from the Lord Sabaoth by Michael his archangel. [He brought me] a little ring, having a seal consisting of an engraved stone, and said to me: "Take, O Solomon, king, son of David, the gift which the Lord God has sent thee, the highest Sabaoth. With it thou shalt lock up all demons of the earth, male and female; and with their help thou shalt build up Jerusalem. [But] thou [must] wear this seal of God. And this engraving of the seal of the ring sent thee is a Pentalpha."

In Obey Me chapter 2 part 2 Lucifer says to MC “Seeing as you’re both human, it’s fine if you associate with him, but know that he can’t be trusted.

He may be a mere human, but he has a ring imbued with wisdom, and he wields powerful magic. He’s the type of man who will try to subjugate even a powerful, greater demon if he gets the chance.” 

So we do know that Solomon of Obey Me has the same ring that King Solomon was delivered to him by Archangel Michael. 

Obey me chapter 29-5 Solomon says “It’s the ring of wisdom. Made from brass and iron. I got it from Michael long ago. It was at a point in my life when I was a bit lost and unsure what to do. That was when I met Michael, and he gave it to me. When I put this ring on, it granted me the power to control demons.”

While MC has yet to meet Michael, he is a named character in game. We also know that Solomon has been to the Celestial Realm before (chapter 23-5, Solomon to Mc, “Well, looks like we made it here in one piece, huh? This is actually my second time in the Celestial Realm.”), and while it doesn’t state that King Solomon has been to heaven, it is important to note because this shows that Obey Me’s Solomon has a close relationship to the Celestial Realm the same way King Solomon had to God. King Solomon was able to control demons (keep in mind, by force, not through pacts), with a ring, while OB Solomon “has a ring imbued with wisdom, and he wields powerful magic.” King Solomon’s ring has the power to lock up demons and use them with force, and Lucifer states that “He’s the type of man who will try to subjugate even a powerful, greater demon if he gets the chance.” (Which he in fact has but alas, that’s a different essay). 

Note: Chapter 29-5 Solomon says he originally had to force demons to obey him

“Anyway, I’m not sure if it’s because I had to use force to get them to obey, or because I expended more magical energy than necessary…

…

“I mean, nowadays I can do that sort of thing with no problem at all. But not then.”

On pages 18-19 King Solomon is told a prophecy by a demon he gets under his control.

Pages 18-19 paragraph 65

“I used the seal of God, and the spirit prophesied to me, saying: "This is what thou, King Solomon, doest to us. But after a time thy kingdom shall be broken, and again in season this Temple shall be riven asunder; and all Jerusalem shall be undone by the King of the Persians and Medes and Chaldaeans. And the vessels of this Temple, which thou makest, shall be put to servile uses of the gods; and along with them all the jars, in which thou dost shut us up, shall be broken by the hands of men. And then we shall go forth in great power hither and thither, and be disseminated all over the world. 

And we shall lead astray the inhabited world for a long season, until the Son of God is stretched upon the cross. For never before doth arise a king like unto him, one frustrating us all, whose mother shall not have contact with man. Who else can receive such authority over spirits, except he, whom the first devil will seek to tempt, but will not prevail over? The number of his name is 6442 , which is Emmanuel. Wherefore, O King Solomon, thy time is evil, and thy years short and evil, and to thy servant shall thy kingdom be given.””

From the information that can be gathered from this and Obey Me, we do know that both King Solomon and OB Solomon have built a temple. In Obey Me chapter 29-5 Solomon mentions a “large house” he built. “The first time I put multiple demons under my control, I was trying to build a house. Let’s just say it was a bit larger than your average house.”

In the Testament of Solomon, King Solomon is actively getting demons under his control while the Temple is still being built. In the beginning of Obey Me Solomon already has all 72 demons under his control (This is Stated in a Devilgram Guided by Desire) and says that he had once built something long ago (big house my ass). Because of these two factors we can assume that this has already happened, at least in part. 

Theory time (I guess look away for potential spoilers for later into the story?)

I believe we’ve already seen the temple built by OB Solomon, in fact we have been there multiple times. Where could we have possibly visited that would’ve been King Solomon’s temple?

Lord Diavolo’s castle

So we do know that Solomon from Obey Me built something but why would it be Diavolo’s castle? What could possibly suggest that?  (this also wouldn't be the first time a human structure ended up in the Devildom considering the story about the House of Lamentation)

“And the vessels of this Temple, which thou makest, shall be put to servile uses of the gods”

I cannot say with certainty who the vessels are for sure in this sentence but my two guesses could both work in this situation. 

It’s talking about King Solomon specifically or

The demons under his control

(I’m pretty sure it’s the second one when discussed in The Testament of Solomon)

Technically, in the case of Obey Me at least, it could be both of these. We know that OB Solomon was already picked for the exchange program when it was first suggested. This could have been because he is referenced as the “the most powerful sorcerer in the history of mankind.” by Satan in chapter 2-A, but it could also be because he’s already working under Diavolo. We know that he has been working with Diavolo because in chapter 28-8 Diavolo has to leave your discussion early because of urgent business and instead of taking Lucifer he asks Solomon to go with him.

(Diavolo) “There’s no need for you to come along, Lucifer. Solomon. Would you come with me?”

(Solomon) “Wait, you want me to come along instead of Lucifer…? I don’t mind, but…”

(Diavolo) “Wonderful, let’s go. Take care, Lucifer. And you too, MC.”

Chapter 28-C Lucifer and Diavolo have a conversation about Diavolo taking Solomon and not him

(Lucifer) “Where did you and Solomon go yesterday, and what did you do there?”

(Diavolo) “...It still isn’t the right time for me to share that with you.”

If it’s the demons under his control this could still play into the fact that he has to listen to Diavolo, since he controls the demons with his ring, Diavolo Controls the demons via Solomon. We do know of two demons that have been named in Obey Me being under Solomon’s control that are both technically under the control of Diavolo too. In chapter 2-A Asmodeus says “Take Solomon and me, for example. We’re in a pact together already, right? ...Oh yeah, and he’s got one with Barbatos, too.” Asmodeus is one of the seven student council members that work under Diavolo, and Barbatos is his servant that directly works for him and follows his orders. (Boy I can't believe I missed this to be honest in the SECOND chapter)

“Shall be put to servile uses of the gods”

While Diavolo isn’t technically a god, he is a very powerful demon, and is the prince of the Devildom. Even though we don’t know many details about his father, it is possible he’s either strong enough to be considered a god, or is a self proclaimed god. Remember kiddos! Lucifer may be the avatar of pride, but every demon is a prideful bastard! 

“Wherefore, O King Solomon, thy time is evil, and thy years short and evil, and to thy servant shall thy kingdom be given.”

This sentence plays into the last part and the fact that I’ve been suspicious of OB Solomon since the second we were introduced to him. You can’t tell me he’s not evil. I will bite you. What evidence do we have to suggest that OB Solomon is evil though? Couldn’t he just have an evil smile and actually be a good guy? Good question! No.

When you’re first introduced to OB Solomon after he picks up MC’s DDD after they dropped it (i have a whole other theory about how he did something to it when MC wasn’t looking but that is just based off gut instinct and my trope sensor going off and i have no proof so i sit here in a silent scream). When he leaves Lucifer mentions how he can’t be trusted. 

2-2 “Seeing as you’re both human, it’s fine if you associate with him, but know that he can’t be trusted.

He may be a mere human, but he has a ring imbued with wisdom, and he wields powerful magic. He’s the type of man who will try to subjugate even a powerful, greater demon if he gets the chance.”

“But Gabriel! Lucifer’s a demon! Of course he wouldn’t trust someone with power like that!” Neither do I. While that is true, it’s important to note because Lucifer at this point doesn’t particularly care about MC, but still makes a note to point out his distrust of Solomon. Lucifer has been alive for a very long time and has not at any point been shown to be an idiot, not to mention he’s also the avatar of pride, someone with that much pride isn’t going to admit distrust about someone, to someone they barely know unless it’s a big deal. These two factors show he has the intelligence to know that someone isn’t trustworthy, and the fact that he would admit it even though he is the embodiment of pride, raises red flags. 

2-A “Now, now, I’m not like you demons. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t accuse me of behaving like one. I am but a simple human, an innocent lamb.”

(Satan) “I’m surprised you can say that with a straight face, considering you’re the most powerful sorcerer in the history of mankind.”

After Solomon says he’s completely innocent and a simple human, Satan calls him out on it. This could be argued that Satan was specifically talking about him being a simple human (which is a fair argument i’ll admit) but i personally don’t believe that’s the case for two reasons. The first one is that Satan is very intelligent and would know about Solomon’s power and ability and no competent demon will completely trust a human like that. The second reason is the wording Solomon uses. 

“Now, now, I’m not like you demons. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t accuse me of behaving like one. I am but a simple human, an innocent lamb.”

This wording alone raises red flags because, let’s be honest here, no one who’s innocent calls themselves “an innocent lamb” that’s reserved for people hiding something that makes them in fact, not an innocent lamb. Not to mention the “Now, now, I’m not like you demons.” reads like someone who goes “I’m not like other girls” and it’s like yeah you are, there’s nothing wrong with it but now you’ve made an ass outta yourself so like, congrats I guess. 

7-7 (Mammon) “And it’s not like Solomon and Satan and me realized we’ve got shared interests and common goals because Solomon wants some magical items that belong to the Demon King…”

Solomon wants something from the Demon King’s castle, that much is obvious, but what is he looking for and how does this make him evil?

6-4 (Beelzebub) “The grimoire Luke is holding has the power to control a demon-to make him do anything, even if it’s in violation of a pact. Everything that we are rides on that book. We can never allow it to be stolen under any circumstances.” 

Look, you don’t drop a bomb like this unless it’s going to happen later on. 

“But Gabriel!” you say, “You said that his ring was all controlling of whatever, what could he possibly need that book for?”

(I’ll being coming back to the second half of the sentence “Wherefore, O King Solomon, thy time is evil, and thy years short and evil, and to thy servant shall thy kingdom be given.”  but i have to discuss something else first)

Page 34-35 paragraphs 129-130

“And when I answered that I would on no account worship strange gods, they told the maiden not to sleep with me until I complied and sacrificed to the gods. I then was moved, but crafty Eros brought and laid by her for me five grasshoppers, saying: "Take these grasshoppers, and crush them together in the name of the god Moloch; and then will I sleep with you." And this I actually did. And at once the Spirit of God departed from me, and I became weak as well as foolish in my words. And after that I was obliged by her to build a temple of idols to Baal, and to Rapha, and to Moloch, and to the other idols. I then, wretch that I am, followed her advice, and the glory of God quite departed from me; and my spirit was darkened, and I became the sport of idols and demons. Wherefore I wrote out this Testament, that ye who get possession of it may pity, and attend to the last things, and not to the first. So that ye may find grace for ever and ever. Amen.”

You like how he blames her even though he was just horny even though he claimed to have 700 wives and 300 concubines? All men are idiots in the bible, I swear. (He had one job)

King Solomon let his new wife convince him to worship her gods and build temples in their honor which angered the Jewish/Christian God, and caused him to abandon King Solomon. When God left him, King Solomon didn’t just lose his God, he became weak, foolish, his spirit was darkened, and then had to deal with all the demons left with him. What could he have lost to make him weak and also now stuck with these demons that were under his control before? His ring would have had to stop being powerful enough to properly hold them. Now, biblically, it probably meant permanent, as in, he has zero control or now they have control over him. In the context of Obey Me, it would be a different take on this, because we obviously know he actively has pacts with 72 demons. I theorize that instead of having full control like he would have with the ring, he lost that and instead had to have control via pacts. So in Obey Me, the ring still works to an extent, but now it actually takes him magic and wisdom to control them instead of being able to do it at will because of God. 

Edit: We do know that he did struggle with muscle pain when he first used to control the demons, and he’s unsure if it was because he had to force them to obey or over used his magic. Which could also suggest that he did actually force them into pacts before he was left.

“my spirit was darkened”

His soul would have darkened after this transpired. That “innocent lamb” comment was probably very much a joke to him, because he is very much aware of who he is. This also explains why Lucifer is suspicious of him; his soul isn’t exactly pure.

“I became the sport of idols and demons.”

Having 72 demons under your control, and then suddenly having God not in your corner anymore can definitely put a small damper on things. He went from having no demon able to talk him into anything, to having 72 right in his pocket wanting a piece of his mind and being able to. 

Okay, so now that this has been mentioned, lets go back to the sentence “Wherefore, O King Solomon, thy time is evil, and thy years short and evil, and to thy servant shall thy kingdom be given.”

Who were King Solomon’s servants? 

:) Well, there was about 72 of em 

(Note, in the Testament of Solomon it doesn’t name all 72, later ones are mentioned in the other books but everyone says King Solomon and his 72 demons, I’m not about to confuse myself and everyone else because he had less than that in his Testament)

So, now King Solomon is under the influence of a bunch of demons, and was told that this temple he had built was going to be given to his servants, which were demons, and to top it off his ring isn’t quite working right, now what? Remember what I said about Diavolo’s Castle being the First Temple? That’s what.

Considering everything OB Solomon has eluded to with him being THE King Solomon (he straight up called himself King Solomon the Wise, it doesn’t get more obvious than that) and all the information that has thus far been presented in general, it’s safe to say he’s not a reference to King Solomon, but is King Solomon (In Chapter 36, brand new when this was edited, he says he is  very old. I took satisfaction at calling him an old man.). Then taking into consideration the information that has been used specifically from The Testament of Solomon, it makes sense that this information could’ve been used within the game. The First Temple is very important to the story of King Solomon, and Diavolo’s castle has been an important story element within the game too. Then we have the relationship between OB Solomon and Diavolo that seems like a weird professional dynamic. To me, there seems to be information pointing towards his castle being The First Temple.

 “to thy servant shall thy kingdom be given”, King Solomon’s servants were technically demons, so his kingdom would be given to the demons. And all the demons, at this point in time, are under Diavolo’s rule, so therefore, OB Solomon’s kingdom is now his. He lost his temple to Diavolo’s father, but because he’s sleeping, Diavolo is in charge. 

“Okay so why did you include the whole grimoire bs?”

I’m glad you asked! 

Because I needed that in the back of your mind when I discuss a future essay! :)

(I wanted to put it in this essay but it’s gotten way to long so it’ll be talked about later)

Hopefully I tied up loose ends cause otherwise I might just make zero sense hahahaha.

Summary: This essay definitely went a completely different way than I imagined anyone expected, including myself. Solomon sucks, he’s evil, I called it the first time i met the guy, he got bad vibes all over. God I just feel like there’s so much I want to say about this man but like, all of it is just conjecture and there’s a good chance I make zero sense but at this point it's too late ya know? God, I hate this man so much.

[magicjesuscup]

FGO Fic 1

Summary: I didn’t like the way the first part of Fate/Grand Order ended, so I fixed it.

Pairing: female master x Romani Archaman

Warnings: Spoilers for Solomon, mention of death, depiction of depression and grief

Notes: The only reason I say female master is because of some pronouns; if you can ignore those you can read it as a male master. This is SFW. I also wanted to throw Hans in this because it looks like he’ll be the first servant I get to bond 10.

Please don’t repost, but feel free to reblog with comments; it’s a lot easier to see feedback when it’s not in the tags. Replying and/or likes are also valid. :)

I was lying on my bed and staring up at the ceiling when I heard the door open. There were quite a few servants who never knocked, so I wasn’t sure who it was until he spoke.

A deep voice that couldn’t have belonged to anyone but Hans Christian Andersen inquired, “Why aren’t you at the party?”

As I considered his question, I rolled Roman’s gold ring between my thumb and pointer finger. It was a little cold since I was wearing it on a chain around my neck. It was strange to me that after Roman returned his rings to god, god took Roman rather than the rings. That was backwards, wasn’t it? It did give me something to remember him by, but I would have preferred to have taken Roman back with me.“I don’t feel like celebrating.”

“Saving humanity is an accomplishment. When I finish a manuscript, I do a victory lap around Chaldea completely naked; you could stand to gloat at least a little.”

That was probably intended to make me laugh. Normally, it would’ve worked to some degree, but today, it failed to make me crack a smile. “I didn’t defeat Goetia. Roman did.” I closed my fist around the doctor’s ring and brought my hand down to my chest.

Hans sighed. Time for a different approach. “I need help finishing it.”

“Finishing what?” My voice was flat and empty.

I saw him cross his arms over his chest in the corner of my eye. “Your story. I told you I was going to write it, remember?”

“Aren’t gruesome tragedies more Shakespeare’s genre?”

“I wrote it for children, so I took a few creative liberties with it.”

It was my turn to sigh. However, I knew there was no way to talk my way out of it. I pushed myself into a sitting position and moved my legs over the side of the bed. “Alright. Let me take a look.”

Hans puffed his chest out, probably proud that he was the only person in Chaldea to succeed in getting me out of bed. “It’s in the other room.” He was already headed for the door.

I sighed again and dragged myself to my feet. I hadn’t eaten much in the past few days, but my body felt heavier than ever. My feet dragged across the floor as I followed the tiny man. At first glance, the hallway seemed deserted. I was a little relieved everyone was busy with the party; I wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone. All I wanted was to give Hans some feedback or suggestions to end the interaction as soon as possible and return to my bed. Maybe I’d switch things up and try laying in the fetal position for a while. On my way to where Hans was leading me, I felt the presence of some servants I had bonded strongly with lingering in the hallway just outside my bedroom. Knowing I didn’t want company, they must’ve taken spirit form so they could stay close. I was sure they wanted to make me feel better. However, I was also certain they either didn’t know how or already knew there was nothing they could do. My heart felt like it was being pinched. I tried to ignore it as I finally turned into the room where Hans left the book. I stopped in the doorway. What the hell was this? All seven grails I had acquired in each singularity I corrected was placed in a large circle in the middle of the room. At the center of the circle was a book. Well, the book wasn’t in the exact center; it was closer to the grails from America, Camelot, and Babylonia. “How bored were you?”

His response was a small grunt to let me know he had heard me. After a few seconds of silence, it was apparent he didn’t intend to give me an explanation for this strange set up.

I walked into the grail circle, sat with my legs crossed, and pulled the book into my lap. It was red with a gold spine and boarder. The book also had a blue gem on the lock. However, the thing that stood out about it most was its weight. “How long is this?” I asked, dismayed.

Hans rolled his eyes. “Just skip to page 5,062. You’ll need to read the last page or so, so you can help me with the rest.”

As I flipped through the pages, I noticed some illustrations of servants who had helped me throughout the singularities. That would’ve been another thing that would normally have made me smile. Today, though, I felt no comfort. When I finally found the page I was looking for, I began to read.

’It was Ritsuka’s-’

I took my eyes off the book and turned my attention to Hans. “Who’s Ritsuka?”

“You. The name change was one of my creative liberties.” He considered me carefully. “Does it bother you?” It looked as though he was thinking about changing it right then and there.

“No, it’s fine.” My voice was still devoid of emotion, but not because I was secretly disappointed. I was just tired. I had been tired for days. I returned to reading.

‘It was Ritsuka’s indomitable spirit that saw her through saving humanity, and it was this same spirit of hers that called her to move forward. She was no fool. She knew well what was possible and what was not. Solomon, and Romani Archaman by extension, had been permanently removed from history. However, he continued to exist through her.

The sound of metal hitting tile rang through the room as Ritsuka placed each of Solomon’s grails around her in a circle. If the greater grail was capable of reincarnating a heroic spirit, then surly seven grails would be enough to create a human vessel resembling Romani to house her memories of him. He had been dead for days, but she had a year’s worth of memories. She could still picture him clearly. She remembered the sound of his voice, his enthusiasm for his favorite internet idol, the brilliance he displayed while analyzing situations and enemies to keep her safe, the way he frequently pulled all-nighters completely dedicated to seeing her though the grand order, the way he smiled when she finally returned, the way he held her in his arms when they finally found a moment alone, and too many mannerisms and quirks to list in writing.

With her task complete, she stood among the grails holding Solomo’s ring. Normally, the sacrifice of six to seven servants was required in order to trigger its wish granting mechanism. Despite having enough willing servants, she decided to use the ring as a catalyst instead. Surely a ring from god would be sufficient. She dropped it into the nearest grail.’

The text stopped there. I looked up at Hans. My heart was pounding for what felt like the first time in centuries. “Will that really work?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Like I said, the story isn’t finished. What will you do? What happens next?” Hans walked to me, took the book, and returned to where he was standing outside the circle. When he looked at me again, there was an intense curiosity in his eyes. “Show me how this story ends.”

I moved my hands to my necklace and unclasped it. Holding the gold ring, I slid the chain way from it. I pushed the chain into my pocket with my left hand as I dropped the ring into the grail I obtained from Babylonia with my right hand. Having spent so much time in the age of gods, I figured it would be the most likely to react. And react it did. After mere seconds, it began spewing black smoke. The grail from the Camelot singularity began doing the same, only its smoke was red. This continued for each grail until the grail from Orleans released its green smoke.

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as the smoke began to mix and form a column on the other side of the circle. Some patches of the smoke flashed a lighter color as if lightning was running through it. It ended suddenly when all of the smoke turned into a white fog. When the mist cleared, a man resembling Romani stood looking at the palms of his hands. I watched, paralyzed where I sat, as he turned his hands over and proceeded to press them to his chest as if he couldn’t believe he was physically there.

I got to my feet. “Roman?” It was hard to breathe. Swallowing hard, I forced myself to ask, “Are you really there?”

Roman’s green eyes turned to me. He looked down at himself briefly as if he was checking before he answered, “I think so.”

My legs were trembling as I walked over to him. I cupped his face in my hands. His cheeks were soft and warm. My vision blurred as tears began to gather.

Roman bent over a bit so he could rest his forehead against mine. His voice was low and calm, and I could hear his smile in his tone. “Thank you for surviving and coming back.”

I pulled him into a hug and proceeded to ugly cry into his shoulder. The odds of me forming a sentence right then and there were exactly zero, but at least I felt like I could breathe again.

Romani held me tightly until I calmed down. When my gross sobs had reduced to mere sniffles, he gently pulled himself away so he could see my red eyes and tear streaked face. He looked at me with affection and concern. “Do you want to lay down for a while? You look like you could use some rest.”

I felt a little light headed; my scant diet from the past few days had finally caught up to me. I shook my head and opened my mouth to answer, but my stomach responded for me with a bear-like growl.

He laughed. It was the best sound in the world. “Well, the party’s still going on; they probably still have some food left. Why don’t we go down there and see?” His gloves became damp as he dried my tears.

I closed my eyes and nodded. I felt his lips brush against the bridge of my nose. The door suddenly creaked opened. My eyes snapped open and both Romani and I whipped our heads towards the source of the sound. We saw Hans’s silhouette in the doorway. His back was to us. I was grateful for that because he was completely naked. He proceeded to throw his hands in the air and bolt down the hallway.

“Or,” Romani suggested after a moment of wide-eyed, stunned silence, “we can wait here until the hall clears.”

After hearing the shocked screech of an unsuspecting servant not too far away I agreed, “Waiting sounds good.” I looked back to Romani. My heart felt warm and I felt like I had more than enough energy to brave the seven singularities and face Goetia all over again.

[disappearinginq]

So, because I said I was open to prompts and requests, I think I should probably clarify why I refuse any and all ships, no matter the prompt. 

In every fandom. 

It’s actually very little to do with fandom. It has to do with real life people. While I get that not everyone believes reality works the way that fandoms do, I’ll give you a real life example of how I came to despise what ‘shipping’ represents. 

I was in the military. My two best friends in the whole world were guys. Not that weird, considering the job rating I had, and that it’s 3-1 male/female ratio in the Navy. One I met at A School (the school after boot camp where we learn job specifics) - for the sake of argument, we’re going to call him Witt. Witt and I hit it off immediately - we were both from the countryside, we grew up on farms in towns where populations were smaller than that of an average Navy vessel. We could look at the sky and tell you without thinking if it was going to snow, rain, or have a twister spring up. While in A School - where we were stuck for over a year - we did everything together. We went camping, we went boating, we toured all over Chicago to the museums, to the Navy Pier, horse back riding in Wisconsin, to the movies, etc. Everything. Partly because students at A-school had to have someone with them (a liberty buddy) and partly because we liked to do the same things - namely, not drink, smoke, fight, and have sex with strangers, which seemed to be the hobby of 99% of our other shipmates. Here’s the thing - Witt had a girlfriend he was absolutely, head over heels in love with. It was one of the first things that he said to me, while showing me pictures of them together. This worked out phenomenally well for me, because I had no interest in dating. So he was safely off the market and not about to make a move on me, and I wasn’t about to try and break up him and the love of his life. Good times all around. Except...

No one believed we weren’t doing anything. And I mean, we never held hands. We never hugged. We never high fived, sat too close, nothing. We never actually touched each other, except once when he fell off his horse and I helped pull him back up from mine. That’s it. In 18 months of knowing one another, that was it. His girlfriend didn’t believe that we weren’t up to anything. My roommates told me ‘fuck his girlfriend, you’re here now, no one would ever know’ and ‘you’re perfect together’ and ‘you should totally make a move’ and ‘what do you mean, you haven’t slept together? Why not?’. Our chain of command didn’t believe we weren’t doing anything, and actually stopped us from hanging out together - we had to get other people to lie on paper to say they were coming somewhere with us, and then go around the buildings and split off. Now we looked really shifty, and no one can mind their own business, and his girlfriend started to hear the rumors. So in tears, she gave him an ultimatum: stop seeing me, in any capacity, or leave her. This was a girl he’d been in love with all through high school. He talked non stop about her. He was about to propose the next day when she called him to tell him it was her or me. Naturally, he chose her. I don’t blame him. I didn’t see him again. On social media, I found out he not only is married to the love of his life, but they have an adorable daughter, and they live twenty minutes from me. He snuck me pictures of her on messenger once, telling me if he could, I would’ve been her godmother. As it stands, because everyone has told his wife that two people can’t be friends with absolutely nothing sexual or romantic between them, I can’t even go visit them. It’s been almost 10 years. 

Example number two: Nix. Nix was like the little brother I didn’t even know I wanted until I met him. We were partners as military police (master at arms force in the Navy, because we don’t like having the same vocab as everyone else) for three years. Nix was already married - again, love of his life. They’d been ‘in love’ since they were seven, so this again worked in my favor - he would never make a move on me, and I would never make a move on him. Friends, with absolutely no worries about ‘but what if’ or ‘friendzone’ or any other weird ‘but do I like him as a friend, or something more?’ BS. Being an MA, you spend every waking hour with your partner. That’s 12 hours a day glued to each other’s side. You either love one another, or hate one another. Nix almost died. I don’t really feel like going into detail how. But I found out how far I was willing to go for a friend. I knew his wife. Impossible not to. Like Witt, Nix talked about her every day. I would wave as I was walking by on Skype. 

I’ve stopped talking about Nix to people who aren’t in the military. Because no one understands that just because you are willing to do terrible things for someone, doesn’t mean you don’t love them as family. I tell non-military friends about all the time we spent together, and they act like teenage girls at a sleepover party going “ooo, what happened between you?” and the more I tell them nothing, the more disgusting the scenarios they provide, until eventually, I stopped telling any story involving him. Now it’s like he died anyway (even though he is in fact fine, living with his wife and daughter out of the service back home). 

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you want to sleep with them. Just because you’re friends with someone, doesn’t mean you were ‘meant to be together’. You can care,  and that can be the end of it. 

TL;DR - not everyone wants to fuck their friends, metaphorically or otherwise. Stop acting like the only relationships that exist are sexual ones. 

[laceys-notebook]

In Which She Bruises Him

Bucky Barnes x female oc submitted by My Fucking Sister!

Synopsis: “I’ll give you one and in return, you can mark ‘hickey’ off your ”What Bucky’s Missed“ list. (or: Bucky’s never gotten a hickey before and Jayla takes it upon herself to change that.)

A/N: Not smut, but not exactly fluff either, they do share a few cute moments though.

The music was hushed throughout the near-empty living quarters as Jayla took another swing from her beer bottle. There was nothing to watch on tv and most of the team were off on a mission or doing their own thing. Steve, her and Bucky were the only ones to fill the whole compound . The night was slow and remained uneventful.

There was a shuffle from the hallway. “What are you drinking?” She heard a low voice from behind her seated position on the couch.

“It’s just a beer. There’s more in the fridge. Bottom shelf, behind the stacks of egg cartons,” she called out towards the voice she recognized as Bucky’s. She listened as he pulled open the refrigerator door with a loud sigh.

“Who the hell keeps hiding the beer?” He exclaimed, sounding aggravated.

“I’m 100% sure its Barton,” She joked, taking another sip from her beer. Bucky slumped down on the seat beside her, his heavy body caused the couch to shake as he let out a satisfying sigh. He lined the closed beer to an edge of his metal arm and snapped the bottle cap off with ease. Jayla was slightly impressed, recalling the five minutes it took her to get her’s opened.

“What’s the plan for tonight?” He asked taking a large gulp of his beer. She looked down at her cellphone in her lap as 23:10 lit up her screen.

“I wasn’t really thinking of doing anything,” She explained. Bucky nodded in agreement as they continued to sit in a comfortable silence. Steve suddenly walked out of his room and plopped next to Jayla, sandwiching the young woman between the two super-soldiers. “What now?” asked Jayla. The question hung in the air as the three of them just sat there, watching the t.v. screen light up to some random late night talk show.

“There’s beer in the fridge,” Bucky said to Steve, who got up from his seat and made his way towards the kitchen.

“Wait,” Jayla said turning around to face the super-solider. “We should take shots. I mean, there’s nothing else to do,” she suggested making her way to other to the far end of the floor towards Tony’s personal bar.

“I don’t think so, Jay,” Steve shook his head as he processed the possible outcome of the night.

“Come on, Cap, I don’t see the big problem. I mean we’re all adults here, Buck and I know our limits and you can’t get drunk,” she explained, jumping over the counter and beginning rummaging through the alcohol stash. “Now, shall we do vodka or tequila?” She asked the young men as she held up two different bottles in each hand, a visible smirk playing on her lips.

Deciding on vodka she began pouring three shots in the glasses she found behind her. With Bucky seated at the bar, his beer placed on the table, he picked up the small cup and turned to face Steve. Letting out a defeated sign, Steve walked over, took the cup off the counter and proceeded to down the liquid in the cup. Letting out a victory woot, Jayla took her shot, soon followed by Bucky. The liquid burned down her throat and sat as a heated pile at the bottom of her stomach. She cleared her throat as she began pouring a second round of  shots. By this time Steve began drinking the remnants of Bucky’s beer as Bucky had disregarded his drink in favour of the new shot of vodka in front of him.

After the next few rounds, the metal-armed soldier and the dark haired agent were feeling the affects of the vodka while Steve stayed sober. He was having fun however, laughing along to the stupid jokes the girl would tell and even wincing at the retellings of their young adventures through Bucky. The night was filled with drunk banter and clumsy slip-ups.

Walking around floor with the empty bottle in her hand, Jayla made her way towards Bucky who sat on the carpet in front of the tv. As she turned the corner she crashed into the edge of the table. “Fuck,” she exclaimed as she dropped the bottle. Steve and Bucky both ran to her as she lay on the floor. The two men looked down at her as she began laughing at her own drunken clumsiness. Bucky began laughing along with her as Steve slowly lifted up her shirt to reveal that the glass table had nearly punctured her now red skin.

“That’s going to leave a bruise, I’ll get you some ice.” Said Steve as he began to make his way towards the kitchen.

“No don’t,” she called out after him “ ’s fine, I like bruises.” She explained as he laughed again. Steve looked down at her and shook his head as she began to sit up.

“I’m going to bed,” He said as he marched off towards the hallway where everyone’s rooms were.

“Good night, Grampa.” Jayla waved at him as her and Bucky burst out in laughter. Steve rolled his eyes at his drunk team members and proceeded to leave them alone. After their laughter died down, Bucky helped Jayla to her feet. and the pair made their way toward the couches. Jayla taking the love-seat and Bucky sprawled across the three-seater.

“Why do you like bruises?” asked Bucky, eyebrow quirking up as he broke the silence. “Not gonna lie, that’s pretty fuckin’ weird.” he said with a chuckle.

Jayla looked over at him, “I like the way they look, the different colours and shit. I think it’s cool.” She explained.

“Jay, its literally just broken blood vessels,” He said in an unamused tone.

She let out a defeated sign. “Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy them.” She said with a shrug. Jayla was met with a confused look. “Like hickies.” She proceeded. “I mean, the idea of someone breaking your blood vessel through your skin by just, well, sucking. I think that’s cool,” She explained as she closed her eyes and imagined the sensation. “Pretty hot too,” she added quietly, the alcohol now wearing off.

The last bit piqued Bucky’s interest and he turned to face her. Only to find that her eyes were closed and her teeth captured her bottom lip. ‘I wonder what she’s thinking about’, he thought to himself. “You like getting hickeys?” He asked, trying to probe the girl’s mind to see what she was thinking.

“Of course, receiving, giving, having, its all fun. I mean it feels good when you get them and its sort of like a trophy when you have them. An intimate, blood vessel, skin- breaking, trophy,” She explained with a giggle as she licked her plumped lips. Bucky’s heart began to pound as he found himself slowly bringing a flesh finger up to his throat to a little dip just below his jaw; now completely sober from the alcohol.

“Bruises have always meant a fight to me. And normally my fists were on the giving end or my face was on the receiving.” The sudden quiet nature of Bucky’s tone, now tugged on the young agent’s curiosity. She sat cross-legged on the couch to face him, head cocked to one side.

“So you’ve never had a hickey before?” She asked Bucky, whose usual confident persona was now switched out with one more timid.

He looked at her, “I mean- no,” he began to trail off, “but I’ve given a few.” He countered, gaze shifting to look up at the ceiling as he lay his head on the backrest behind him. Jayla smiled to herself as she concocted a stupid idea.

“Now how does that make any sense? From what I’ve heard the infamous ‘James Buchanan Barnes’ was quite the womanizer in his day. I’m sure a quick, steamy make-out session would’ve at least ended in a couple of neck kisses here and there,” she teased, playfully waving her hands for more emphasis. Bucky chuckled at a low tone that rose from his chest.

“No, never. it wasn’t really a thing back then, ya know?” He continued as his chuckle died down. He sighed with a smile as a short-lived wave of nostalgia washed over him, quickly veering into disappointment at what his life had become.

“Why don’t I give you one,” she piped out. His head shot towards her only to find no trace of any joke in her face. “I’m serious, I’ll give you one and in return, you can mark ‘hickey’ off of your ”What Bucky’s Missed“ list,” she offered. He frowned at her playfully as he considered his options. He knew it wasn’t right. What would the team think? Hell, what would Steve think? He considered saying no, knowing that Jayla would just brush off the exchange as if nothing had happened. But he also took in consideration that this opportunity wasn’t going pop up again. And damn, he thought, she was offering.

Bucky swallowed the large lump in his throat and winced as he felt it plop into a pit in his stomach. He had, at first, lusted after the new recruit the moment she joined the team, but the longer she stuck around, the more he found himself to quite enjoy her personality as well. His head slowly nodded as he finally came to terms with the fact that this was truly happening. He quickly sat up from his lying position on the couch as she gracefully made her way towards him. He had been with a number of women in his younger years but by now so much in his life has changed, those memories were a world away.  His new found strength and robotic arm made him cower at the idea of holding the delicate body of a woman between them.

“You seem nervous, Buck. Don’t worry, it won’t hurt,” she reassured him but her words weren’t enough for him.

“That’s not what I’m nervous about,” his body stiffened as she stopped to look down at his seated composure. She placed a finger under his chin and gently forced him to look up at her, her eyes lusting after him.

“You wont hurt me,” her fingers delicately grazed the stubble on his chin.“But you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” she stated firmly. Nodding his head slowly, she took his silence as permission to continue. She nudged his shoulders to lean against the backrest of the couch and she straddled his legs. His eyes never leaving hers as she brought her face closer to his lips. “Kiss me?” Her gentle demand sounded more like a question, letting him know that she wanted this but he was in control.

He nodded slightly as his eyes flicked between her waiting lips and questioning eyes. Closing the distance between them, their lips melted into one another. The burning taste of the vodka on his lips mixed with the mint flavour of her lip balm created a sensation that neither could interpret. He found himself a teenager again, having his first kiss with the prettiest girl in school, if the prettiest girl in school was a deadly assassin that could most likely best him in combat of course.

Pulling back from the kiss, Jayla chuckled when she found Bucky with the corner of his mouth raised into a smirk. 'There’s the asshole I know’ she joked to herself. “Now, for the hickey,” she started as she tapped on a spot on his neck. Bucky’s face dropped and his brows furrowed. “What?” She asked when she noticed his change in demeanor.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” he explained, though his words betrayed him. He stretched out his neck for her to gain full access, but his breathing was unsteady.

“Relax,” she whispered in his ear as she cupped his face and pulled him in for another kiss, this time, their lips moved more vigorously. After a moment. the tension in his shoulders subsided and his hands finally found the confidence to lightly cup the back of her thighs. He let out a surprised moan and she bit his lip before pulling away to look at him once more. Before Bucky could even question, her lips trailed their way down his chin, lightly nibbling on the way, until her lips found a small dip in his neck.  He gasped as her tongue swiped over the spot before her mouth began to suck. The sensation of pain and pleasure caused him to tilt his head back with a satisfied sigh. Her teeth nipped at the skin while her tongue and lips soothed it over. With one more nip, she pulled away to face a satisfied and surprised Bucky.

Jayla smirked at him as she waited for Bucky to say anything. He reached his fingers up and ghosted them over the spot where her lips just where. She smiled proudly as she looked at her work on the soldier’s neck. With one last peck on his lips, Jayla began to remove herself from his lap, but before she could fully stand, Bucky, with his newfound confidence in the situation, leaned in and pulled her back. She squealed as his hands gripped on to her waist. He began devouring her neck with kisses until he found a spot that made her gasp.

She quickly, almost frantically found her arms wrapping themselves around his neck, as if searching for stability. A deep moan left her lips as her mouth remained open and her breathing became heavy. Bringing him closer, her finger knotted themselves with his luscious brown locks and tenderly tug at his roots. His tongue worked wonders to her skin nibbling, sucking, and lapping up every inch of her neck he could reach. “Oh fuck, Bucky,” she whispered out. She felt him smile against her skin as he continue his assault on her flesh.

At the moment the dim lights were now on full beam and a gasp was heard from the other side of the room. Quickly breaking apart, the pair found Steve with an empty glass of water and his jaw reaching the floor. “Uh, hey Cap,” Jayla  awkwardly waved at him as she got off Bucky’s lap, much to his dismay. She readjusted her shirt and flipped her hair out of her face. “This was fun,” she winked at Bucky, “If ever, you know where to find me.” She continued as Bucky tried to hide his grin. She walked passed Steve and with a quick “goodnight” left the two men to discuss the night.

Jayla woke up in the morning as if it was one like any other. She quickly drank the stale water she kept on her bedside table she had left herself the day before. Surprised at the little, manageable, headache she was sporting, she stood and quickly stretched as she walked towards her bathroom.

Staring into the bathroom mirror, she almost gasped when she saw the many sizeable splotches on either side of her neck. “Ah, shit,” she exclaimed as she ran the cold water and placed a cloth under it. She continued to inspect the red bruises as she tapped the soaked cloth over them. Looking over to her make-up bag she prayed she could cover them up with what she had. She didn’t regret them or what happened with Bucky last night, but she new the pair could be constantly teased if they walked around with matching hickeys.

After spending an extra ten minutes longer on her morning routine, Jayla was confident that her neck looked as if they hadn’t been the victim of assault from Bucky’s lips. She walked out and found that the rest of the team had returned and were now gathered at the table chatting and munching away on breakfast.

“Dude, who gave that to you?” Sam nudged Bucky who sat next to him. He pulled the hoodie of his grey sweater up closer to his neck. Jayla walked up to the table and greeted everyone with a quick “good morning”.

“And how’s yours?” Steve called out from across the table, loud enough for everyone to hear. She sent him a quick death glare as everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at the agent’s neck, only to find it was clear from anything similar to Bucky’s. Bucky raised an eyebrow at the agent as she searched for an explanation to Steve’s question. Quickly remembering the table incident that started the eventful night, she slowly stood from her seat.

The group curiously watched as she began to lift up her shirt to reveal a cut surrounded by a purple looking bruise. “I walked into the corner of the table last night, I’m always so clumsy,” she stated with a chuckle. “But you’re right Steve, I should have iced it,” she finished. The team nodded in agreement and Jayla smiled knowing that they hadn’t linked her and Bucky. “But I wanna to know who gave that to him,” she pointed as she sat back down in her seat while Bucky quickly flipped her off.

During breakfast, the team, including Jayla, pestered Bucky into revealing how he received that giant hickey on his neck. He ended up fabricating some story about meeting a random girl at the bar, the team never once suspected that one of them was actually the culprit. Jayla had just given James Buchannan Barnes his first hickey, and it definitely wouldn’t the last.

[lunakinesis]

Fathoms Below

Seafarers have been telling each other stories of monsters of the deep for as long as humanity has been crossing the waves.

Many of these tales can be written off as simply the wondrous work of the human imagination, failing that they could be the eyes of a tired sailor deceiving him or her, perhaps still just mistaken identity. Lord knows humans have coined some truly odd creatures due to mis-remembering appearance in the days before cameras.

Some, however, are true.

Outside of monstrous sea-serpents lurking in the depths of the ocean, the most prominent of all tales is that of mermaids. Merfolk if you want to be general and inclusive, but the majority of stories revolve around the female members of the various species. Humanity seems to have been always fixated on their potential watery cousins.

Tales of Merrow, Selkies, Sirens – though not actually merfolk they often get grouped in with them – and the others have always amused me. Mostly because it shows the gullibility of humans when confronted with something that looks and sounds attractive. Humans pride themselves on being such an intelligent species, so far above and more evolved than others on the planet. Yet they are easily duped by a pretty face and sweet words.

The sea is calm today, too much so in fact. There is barely a breeze and the surface waters are hardly stirring beyond the usual tidal pull. I suppose it's harder to imagine monsters in the fathoms below on a day like this now. In days gone by such weather would have been equally disastrous as a heavy storm as it would've left ships stranded far from land with their sails useless. Some were fortunate enough to possess oars for rowing, others not. If the eerily calm weather persisted for too long, those ships may not have been found until it was too late for the crew. Some still remain lost, and may do so forever.

For the ships and other vessels of today, such stillness is not even an inconvenience with their powerful motors and engines. They no longer rely on the winds and currents to get them to their destination.

Most of them, at least.

Yachts and other sailing boats need those elements. Without them, well... The coastguard doesn't always arrive in time to prevent a tragedy. Sometimes this baffles them, the media, the public... all because they weren't that far from rescue and the weather was fine.

How do crews vanish in calm waters less than two hours after they radioed in for help? How do heavily supplied vessels end up adrift, abandoned, with no sign of structural damage to the boat or other distress visible? These cases often go unexplained forever. Unless you talk to the jaded, old seafolk. They have seen and heard things those who spend their lives on land will never accept as truth, yet they know in their hearts and minds there is something out there in the oceans. MANY somethings, just waiting for the next foolish human to come along.

Why am I telling you all of this?

I can hear the approach of another ship, that's why. No doubt it's the coastguard here to do their job. I always did hate the sound of motorised boats. The sound travels for miles across open water. Dreadful things that so often leave dead sea creatures in their wake. It's not like they care if they hit a dolphin or sea lion. Or in the case of bigger ships, they don't care if all matter of sea life is pulled into their propellers and chopped to bits. They don't even notice. I have always found such casually disregard for life distasteful, but typical of humanity.

Which is why I take the ones I can, like all my brothers and sisters do. You pollute our home, spill your oil and waste into it, leave stretches of our waters barren from your fishing, and leave countless beautiful beasts tangled in your nets and decimated by your boats.

A few centuries ago, you weren't such a problem to deal with. Many of us occasionally walked on land amongst you, fascinated by our curious, inventive land-locked cousin. But now with all your technology and growth, you are a parasite upon this planet, draining everything from it to further sustain yourselves. Damning every other living thing and yourselves in the process.

We were content to toy with you all those years ago, take only those that directly threatened or crossed us to keep our people safe.

No longer.

These waters are ours, and we are taking them back.

Perhaps this man had never committed any great wrong against us, but he exists within a society self-destructing its home and the glass bottle he threw over his vessel's edge sunk down in the murk as I swam by. Another thing to litter our home, another pollutant. Another disregard for the lives o oceanbound creatures.

He was easy enough to lure. You humans don't think clearly when in shock. All he saw was a woman screaming for help. It didn't matter that it made no sense for her to be out here with no other boats for miles. He saw a distressed, naked woman struggling to keep her head above the water and saw a chance to be a hero.

Foolish.

He should never have left his boat.

The cold of the water was a shock to his alcohol-filled system. No doubt the sight of my gilled throat, scaled tail and sharp-toothed grin were too. He tried to swim away, but you humans are not made for the water. So slow and cumbersome. Clothed legs do not make for a good swimmer and he was easily within my grasp in a second.

He struggle and thrashed, attracting both sharks and more of my kind from the blue murk. The sharks would bide their time, circling below, waiting for him to succumb. He tried to pry himself from my grasp, but we're far stronger than you are. Our bodies are made to survive the frigid temperatures and high pressures of the deep. A jellyfish attempting to resist a turtle would've had more luck.

I pulled him under just as I heard that distant rumble. Sound travels so far once under the water, you see. My arms clutched him tightly against my chest, head pressed against my breast. A deadly embrace. Bubbles streamed up from him, his eyes wide with fear and mouth gaping, only enabling more water to flood into him.

It was not long before he was motionless in my arms. We were far enough below to go unseen but still make out the shadows of his rescue vessel above. I released him, letting him sink down as the sharks began to close in. He would not go to waste, what they did not eat other scavengers would.

My siblings began to rise to the surface. We know these humans. They are like the jaded captains and fishers who know the sea holds horrors and mysteries, and would not be so easily fooled.

As I closed in on the surface myself, I heard human shouts give way to a beautiful chorus from my kindred. A serenade for the drowned. Our voices have always been our best defence against your kind.

Entranced by the singing of my siblings, one by one my victim's rescuers took hold of my siblings hands and were pulled under until the sole female crew member remained. My brother approached the boat, closer than most of us dared, his webbed hand reaching up towards the glazed-eyed female as her own calloused fingers reached out to him. That enchanting voice whispering the last thing many of you who cross us hear.

"Come away to the water with me."

[karabites]

so like. have y’all seen this picture? bc I wrote a fic kind of based off of it (unfortunately I’m not ok with writing smut yet so not the happiest end possible for Chibita. he’s ok tho)

At the Whims of Fate (ao3)

Karamatsu sends Chibita a dick pic on accident.  What happens next will warm your heart.

               Oh.  Of course. Karamatsu stared at his phone in disbelief.  Then anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.  Fate never seemed to smile on him for more than a minute and today was no exception.  Today, Fate had brought him a text from that lovely woman he met the other day.  She’d seemed down on her luck, a little ragged, very tired, but she had a sense of humor about it.  The spring air was cool and delicious, gracing them with the sensual aroma of blooming flowers, though that may have just been her enchanting perfume. Her makeup was delicate and soft on her face, though it had been scraped rough by exhaustion and stress, and at the moment she’d dropped that beautifully crafted pastry on the dusty city sidewalk, desperation and loss carved their way into her dainty features as well.  As a true gentleman meets a damsel, Karamatsu couldn’t help but offer her his services, console the sweet thing and walk her to the nearest confectionary shop to gift her with a fresh treat, warm and, as he had said with a flourish and a deep, smooth bravado, “as sweet as her smile.”

               She’d laughed at that, and a lot of other things he’d said, and thanked him and sat with him to talk for a while.  The warm light of the sun had filtered in the shop like a godly curtain to grace the curves of her face, illuminating her as the true goddess she was. Ah, it truly was beautiful.  Fate must have been in a particularly good mood for him to make acquaintance with such a beautiful creature.  And its mood must have persisted as she exchanged phone numbers with him and waved him off with a smile, then dropped dramatically when he got home and found all the strings on his guitar had been snipped.

               But then! Then today his good fortune had returned with her message! Oh, glorious Fate! Blessing him again with her correspondence, with the chance to speak with this angel among men again! And the conversation was going so smoothly, so destined was their connection, that he knew it was time for the next step.  A gift to her to show not only his appreciation for her, but his commitment, his virility!  He snuck into the bathroom and snapped some flattering dick pics.  Artful, of course.  He’d taken many pictures of his endowment and he knew his best angles. How to suck in his stomach to show a more chiseled physique, how to pose his hand like it was slipping down his happy trail to touch himself, how to angle the camera dramatically to make it look just ever so bigger.  Karamatsu Matsuno was a master of seduction.

               But there was one problem.  Fate was a fickle goddess and it seemed her mood had taken a sudden and extreme downturn the moment before he pressed “send.”  Because at the same time that he was texting his newly met muse, he’d been texting, with equal excitement, his long-familiar companion about what a dramatic episode last night’s The Bachelorette was.  In his excitement, he’d replied to the last text he’d gotten, which happened to be “I fuckign KNEW she was gonna boot him off tho.  if she listened to you shed b stuck with losers.  ya got no taste.” So, without thinking, he sent his incredibly seductive and well thought-out photograph to Chibita.  

               Maybe Fate felt she had been slighted by him personally, because he’d sent the message “like what you see? B)” along with it before he’d realized his mistake and now, if he was being perfectly honest, he wished a divine power would kill him right then and there.  Shit.  Karamatsu stared at his phone in his hands, a weapon more powerful than any rifle, an inconspicuous object capable of destroying lives, of destroying dignity.  He watched as those three torturous dots appeared on Chibita’s side of the conversation and held his breath for the impending less-than-friendly insults. Depending on how Chibita took it, maybe he could play it off as friendly banter? Maybe a “at least if I was a contestant, I know who she’d pick (me)”? No, that didn’t seem right.  Maybe--.

The dots disappeared.  He waited but they didn’t return.  He didn’t really feel like sending his masterpiece to his female friend after that, so he just texted her back “I am more of a cat person, actually, but I like dogs too.”

  --

               It was late when his phone buzzed again.  He’d ended his conversation with his new lady friend an hour or so ago, and he’d been quietly playing his re-stringed guitar up on the roof, pretending that nothing had gone wrong that day and maybe he was dead. The cool evening air flowed around him gently, the stream of life carrying him along through this dark hour, with the fuzzy glow of city lights illuminating the path.  Though, his metaphorical path was only lit by the harsh blue light of his phone screen at the notification from Chibita.  He stared at his phone until the screen blacked out again, rolling over in his mind just how ruined his steadily developing friendship with Chibita was.  After a minute or so of fatalistic musings, he sighed to the wind (possibly his only remaining companion after this) and opened up the notification.

               “closing the cart.  meet me in 10.”

               Oh.  So no text-based berating. That could either be very good or very bad.  Very good because it would give him a chance to use his finely-trained body language to help convey just how much of a terrible accident this was and please pretend you didn’t see that Chibita.  Very bad for of course, very obvious reasons.  Odd though, that he’d need to meet in person just to clear up a misunderstanding, or to poke fun at him for it (which was more likely).  But then again, Chibita was a very odd guy.  He was learning this more and more as he got to know him.

               Karamatsu sighed and stood carefully, preparing himself to face the metaphorical music.  If he was a Shakespearean character he knew he would’ve taken this opportunity to take his own life over the inconvenience, but though he was committed to the theatric arts, he also was committed to not having his family find out he died because he sent his childhood friend a picture of his penis.  So he shot him a text back, “At the cart or your apartment?” before clambering down from the roof and readying himself to go.  

               The text came back worryingly fast.  “apt. taking the cart home”

               He let out some tension in his shoulders.  So it would be just a friendly reprimand then.  Perhaps Chibita had grown weary of the trials and tribulations of texting and mis-texting and accidentally getting dick pics sent to him and was opting to speak with Karamatsu face to face.  He imagined he’d have other things to chat about as well, maybe a new recipe he was excited about or a particularly difficult customer (Iyami) or a particularly obnoxious customer (Osomatsu).  He’d probably offer to share some beers and laugh about the whole debacle and watch some terrible low-budget movie with him for laughs. Yes, things would probably be okay. So with renewed confidence and calm, Karamatsu strolled through the night to Chibita’s apartment.

 --

                 Karamatsu only realized this might not be the best time to be leaning coolly against the doorframe like he normally did about two seconds before Chibita opened the door.  Consequently, he was in the middle of readjusting his pose when the door opened and a very confused and uncertain Chibita stared out at him.  He’d resorted to leaning back with his hands on his hips, staring into the night mysteriously, as if Chibita hadn’t seen him frantically pulling himself into that very pose.  

               “Heh!  An enchanting night tonight, is it not?”

               Chibita peered around him disbelievingly.  “Uhh sure.  C’mon in, Karaboy.  It’s cold out in all that enchanting-ness,” he said.  He moved to hold the door open for him and Karamatsu strolled in.

               “Go ahead and make yourself comfortable.  Uh, in the living room.”

               Karamatsu nodded stiffly and tried to pretend he didn’t see how uncomfortable Chibita looked, shifting on his feet and looking away from him as much as possible.  Not on purpose he failed to acknowledge Chibita mumbling something like “jacket looks real good on you,” as he walked by, barely registering that he said it until he was already sitting on the couch.

Chibita followed him in, stopping just next to the arm of the couch.  He’d changed out of his work clothes into some more casual clothes, slightly damp from what Karamatsu presumed was a hasty post-work shower.  That was… a little odd.  Usually Chibita would wave off any complaints Karamatsu had about how gross he got from working over the boilers all night and tell him he wasn’t allowed to complain until he got a goddamn job himself.  He wasn’t about to start complaining about him cleaning up, then. Maybe he’d had a change of heart about what Karamatsu had told him in response, that proper hygiene was an invaluable part of caring for the vessel for his precious soul.  Probably not.

               Chibita coughed into his fist and gave Karamatsu a sideways glance.  “So.  I guess you know why I asked you to come over.”

               Karamatsu nodded, feeling his ears redden.  He was glad he left his sunglasses on, no matter how hard it made it for him to see.  He could still see well enough to see Chibita nod in kind, though.  He could see his cheeks darken and the way he was twisting his fingers in nervousness.  Oh, he really was an unforgiveable soul if he made his friend this uncomfortable. Curse his immense charm and charisma and incredibly sexy body!  If he had none of those, he surely wouldn’t be in this predicament, confusing and upsetting his socially awkward and very dear friend.  So absorbed was he in his thoughts of woe and self-depreciation that he missed seeing Chibita move and suddenly he was sitting next to him, very close.

               Karamatsu adjusted his sunglasses and looked down and away.  He could feel Chibita pressing against his side, pressuring him to admit to his grievous faux pas.  He cleared his throat.  “I-I must apologize, Chibita.  Though I’m certain the image will be forever burned in your mind, I had no intent of sending such a salacious message to you.”

               He felt Chibita stiffen and still next to him.  “You what?”  

Something in the tone of his voice was unexpected, and it struck Karamatsu as a very peculiar reaction. He didn’t sound like he had misunderstood him, more that he hadn’t been expecting Karamatsu to say that.  He pulled his glasses off (less dramatically than he was wont to, though surely with just as dramatic an effect) and looked over at him.  Chibita was incredibly close, his body pressed flush to Karamatsu’s side and his hand hovering barely a centimeter above Karamatsu’s thigh.  His face was very, very red.  Like a beet, but with eyes that were very, very wide.

“It was… an accident?”  Chibita’s voice was tight and squeaked as he seemed to force the words out.

Oh.  Oh my god.

Karamatsu felt himself mimic Chibita’s expression of shock and launched himself backwards across the couch.  He scrambled to sit upright. “O-of course it was an accident! Chibita!” In his panic, the bravado dropped from his voice and his voice cracked through almost every syllable.  “What were you going to do?”

Chibita straightened back on his heels and held his hands down in his lap, holding his back stiff as a board. He swallowed and steadied his voice. “Suck your dick.”

Karamatsu’s voice was not steady.  “Suck my dick?! Chibita!”

“Well what else was I supposed to do?” he huffed as he crossed his arms and his face somehow got even redder.  “I mean you send me something like that when I’m at work and can’t really use it and ya expect me to just—just what, think you don’t want me to do anything like that?”

“Yes!” Karamatsu nodded wildly.  “Yes, exactly! Chibita, I expected you to think it was a mistake!  You’re very dear to me but—.“ A thought occurred to him and he paused, narrowing his eyes in thought.  “Did you… did you say ‘can’t use i—‘… Chibita were you going to jack off to my text?!”

Chibita hugged his arms tighter around himself and looked off to the side.  Karamatsu could see his fingers digging in to his arms.  “Well…” Oh my god.  “I mean, it was a good picture…“

“CHIBITA!”

“Well!” He unwrapped his arms and stood up in his place on the couch, seeming to puff himself up.  “You’re the one that sent me that-that picture! A-and the message too! You shouldn’t send people that stuff if you ain’t gonna follow through!”

“Chibita, I only did so on accident! Listen!” Karamatsu pushed himself back a bit and stood beside the couch, now eye-level with the most dangerous and now personally wronged creature he had ever met.  He hoped slowing down and dropping his voice again might help tame the tempest of a man before him.  “I intended that message for a young woman I met the other day, and only by an unfortunate mistake sent it to you instead.  I-I’m dearly sorry to have caused you such embarrassment, but—Chibita we were talking about The Bachelorette, why would I send you something like that on purpose?”

As he spoke, Chibita seemed to lose a lot of his fire and his shoulders began to sag.  The embarrassment and indignation in his eyes was replaced with dawning realization, with an unwelcomed truth that softened and exhausted his eyes.  His voice was softer and a bit raw when he spoke, “Well I—I said you had no taste and you asked me if I liked what you sent, so I thought you were maybe…” He licked his lips and cleared his throat.  “Did you say… you were trying to send that to a girl?”

Karamatsu relaxed a bit and leaned back. He nodded and hummed in affirmation. The awkward quiet in the room felt incredibly heavy and thick, and Karamatsu thought if he were to try to move, it would be like through honey.  

Chibita sighed, looking down, and hopped off of the couch.  “Alright. Well, um,” he scratched the back of his head and grimaced.  “Sorry, I guess.  You can go. If that was too weird, uh, you don’t gotta talk to me anymore or, uh—“

Karamatsu suddenly sunk down to his knees before him.  “Chibita, no!”  He clasped his friend’s hands in his own, earning a very bewildered face from Chibita as he snapped his head back around to look at him.  “Chibita!  My sole companion on this twisted road of treachery we call life!  My dear friend and trusted confidant! My occasional mentor in the culinary arts!  I could never abandon you over such a misunderstanding.  Even if you completely misunderstood my intentions and interpreted my overtures as sexual, you are still very dear to my heart.”  He dropped his voice a bit lower to heighten the drama and sincerity of his performance. “My heartfelt bond to you could never be broken over something so trivial.”  He considered kissing his hand, but thought better of it so as not to confuse his message.

Chibita looked… well, if he was anyone else, Karamatsu might say he looked close to tears.  But the emotional boy he’d once been had grown into a much more reserved man than Karamatsu had and whatever he looked to be holding back behind his watery eyes and his lip reddened from chewing, it was almost certainly not tears.  Chibita cleared his throat and choked out, “You mean that?”  

Ah. So maybe it was tears.

Karamatsu nodded emphatically and looked into his eyes intensely.  “Of course! Also! Did you say my picture was good!”

Chibita snorted and looked away, pulling a hand away reflexively to scrub away some errant tears.  “Yeah, it was pretty good,” he laughed.  “It was real hot, actually.”

“Thank you Chibita!” He earned another snort of laughter from Chibita, who pulled his other hand away and motioned for him to stand.  Chibita walked him to the door and leaned against the wall as Karamatsu slipped his boots and his sunglasses back on.  He supposed this encounter would sting for Chibita for a while, but at least there wouldn’t be any lasting consequences for either of them.  Ah, unless—

“Actually, Chibita, before I go,” Karamatsu began, turning to him with his hand on the doorknob.  “Would you… care to critique my work in the future?”

Chibita’s fond smile that he’d been wearing twisted into a confused scowl.  “What? Small words, Karamatsu.”

He took a breath, pushing himself to stand a bit straighter in the face of a proposition surely almost as risky as Chibita’s had been.  “Can I send you more pictures?  F-for artistic comment on my technique.”

Chibita’s eyebrows shot up and his cheeks began to heat again.  “Really? You heard the part about thinking it was hot, right?  Not talking about art sexy, like actual sexy?”

Karamatsu coughed and looked off mysteriously into the distance (at the wall).  “Art can serve a purpose and a critique on the fulfillment of its purpose is a perfectly valid critique of the art.”

“Karamatsu I wanted to masturbate to your fucking nudes.”

“Th-the highest compliment I could receive.”

Though he couldn’t see Chibita’s face, he could hear him humming indecisively as he thought it over.  Finally, “You sure?”

“Of course.  I could trust no one else to have such a discerning eye,” he said.

“Then hell yeah!” He thumped his fist against the wall.  “Go right ahead! Whenever you want, Karaboy!”

Karamatsu smiled and cleared his throat. “Thank you, my dear, dear friend.” With a wave, he stepped outside and began his victorious walk home.  Perhaps it wasn’t the best outcome, but a valuable one nonetheless! At the very least it gave him all the more reason to look at himself naked.  It wasn’t until about halfway home that he realized he’d walked away from his first realistic opportunity to lose his virginity.

Shit.  Well, maybe Chibita could help him choose a good picture to send to that girl from before.  That would be just as sure to get him laid as any friendly blowjob!