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acourtofquestions · 5 months ago

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A Maasverse note because I think sometimes characters get poorly judged both by other characters, plot lines, & fandom reception (of course this is all fictional… so this post is also purely fiction… and probably has some “fictional world differences” or “rules” to apply… but still😂)

This started with the *sarcastic* “lovely” talk with Darrow about the “people of Terrasen” because the idea of blaming Aelin — who, btw, let the record show was ONLY an EIGHT-YEAR-OLD CHILD!!! — for “abandoning them” when she WAS A CHILD really got on my nerves. Especially as even this conversation is taking place with a 19-year-old�� while not 8, and “old enough” in her own right; SHE IS STILL NINETEEN… and if you ask me IF ANYONE did any “abandoning” it was the people of Terrasen who simply went “hmm… we can’t find our queen… oh no! She must have drowned! No need to think further!!! MOVING ON!” meanwhile she was KIDNAPPED, after having her ENTIRE family assassinated IN FRONT OF HER (at EIGHT) and nearly drowning to outrun the assassin trying to KILL HER, & Arobynn was NOT much better; she couldn’t escape (cause SHE WAS EIGHT and with an ACTUAL ASSASSIN) and by the time she had “learned” (been forced into & through traumatic, abusive, horrifying, painful experiences for YEARS) enough to be “allowed” to leave the keep and at all able to even possibly run far enough to somehow get to Terrasen it was already GONE there was nothing left for her to go back to or save, and (even then) she was STILL A CHILD. She came back in under 10 years, barely an adult, she SURVIVED, give the girl some CREDIT PLEASE!!! And yeah, she was an assassin, no it’s not the most moral of jobs (but this is fiction) it was that or death, she went to hell & back (this was NOT some pampered upbringing) and YOUR queen endured it FOR you (and YOU damned her to it, or is it not fair to blame you? Oh, so it isn’t fair to blame y'all… yet the EIGHT-YEAR-OLD is fine?!) and to be honest, from her lineage (which kind of doomed her already) to the state of their world, they may actually NEED/want to have an Assassin as a Queen. Like yeah, she did that, she SURVIVED that, she is capable and smart and can actually lead a war. Can any of you old men gawking at her say the same??? Hmm??? No, you can’t because even though you all saw horrors, we all know the CHILDREN of Terrassen endured the worst; Aedion fought your wars, Elide was also kidnapped (not that any of you care; but it did keep her alive—I guess?), so can we just be glad you all are alive?!? AND LEAVE AELIN BE FOR ONCE, PLEASE! (I’m sure Darrow “has his reasons” and a backstory, but as a general point & issue I really can’t stand it).

wow sorry don’t know what got into me there maybe it is a lil personal?😅😂

Then into one that keeps popping up and bothering me: the argument & anger towards Nesta & Elain. Now while it does have its place (and I have been there too during points of my first read), I also am taking it all into account, and while I’m sorry that they let her go into the woods they were children. Nesta was a CHILD. Elain was a CHILD. (Maybe I don’t know exact ages, but they can’t have been in their 20s & 30s😂). THEY WERE ALL CHILDREN TOO. While Feyre was the youngest, while Feyre deserved safety & protection, while Feyre truly did go through a lot (and the fact she didn’t feel loved is absolutely gut-wrenching and wrong) some of which she may have been able to be spared from… she also wasn’t the only child, freezing, starving, losing parents, and terrified. Even Nesta as the oldest was still a kid. Elain is not that much older than Feyre, and she was a kid too. And yes, Feyre was a child, she was FOURTEEN, she was their little sister, and she was a child too even more. But honestly the truest guilt relies on not the sisters (THREE CHILDREN) but on the ACTUAL ADULTS; their father; who did have his issues & eventually redemption (and yes parents aren’t always capable that does happen; disability, pain, grief, depression, they are beasts), but also he still remains FAR more responsible than Nesta or Elain or even Feyre EVER should have been in the first place. It lies on THE ENTIRE VILLAGE that abandoned them; CHILDREN, whose mother had DIED, whose father was CLEARLY UNWELL, who were freezing & starving (& while the village may have been struggling they COULD have struggled TOGETHER and NOT LEFT CHILDREN to their own); THEY should have been the ones to step up. Not Nesta. Not Elain. Not Feyre. The three sisters were all children. And while any oldest sibling knows we are capable of filling roles, that doesn’t make it right; nor does it make anyone’s brains fully formed… so… like… they literally couldn’t think beyond more sometimes. And yes, while I can’t imagine sending one of my siblings (older or younger) off into the woods alone for any reason (I also could understand going off before they could stop you; I can understand why & how Feyre might’ve without them even knowing; because if it were my family it wouldn’t matter I’d do it, even if someone older was there), but I also can’t pretend it would be oh so easy to keep all four people alive by yourself (to a certain extent Nesta needs to be alive because she is the only “semi-adult” in the first place) and still as a child abandoned by the world (she had her issues too) she was a daughter so sure her father would save them begging for it in agony over it and lost in the world. While I in Nesta’s shoes would NEVER have let Feyre be near anyone during a break in, we don’t know the full story, Nesta may not have had options; she may have just run, grabbed Elain who was close by, and hid because at least she could keep them alive; and she was also a terrified child. And while Elain “went along” in Nesta’s shelter without protest; WHY WOULD’NT SHE? All children crave & deserve protection, safety, kindness, love, she has that in Nesta; why would she run from the only stability she has; especially as the child that lost something else (where Nesta was the favorite & simultaneously resented their mother, and Feyre was the “forgotten” child who never got to be a child or know such a kind of safe love, Elain did which means she knew the loss of it she had a mother to grieve) she was young and terrified and holding on to the only thing she could? And what happened to Feyre was terrible, she was forced to shoulder a burden alone, she also took it on (not blaming her, just saying she also didn’t say anything; because it was survival) and yes, it was wrong. But what happened to Nesta and Elain was also wrong. The three of them were children, and they could have done better, but they did their best and survived. As adults, they have begun healing those wounds. What else can we expect other than accountability from the ACTUAL adults at fault?! *and by actual I mean fictional😂*

The past is past. (To some extent in this context side at least)

So I guess all I’m saying is WHY ARE ALL THESE YA NOVELS BASED ON BABY’s AND TEENAGERs AND WHERE ARE ANYONE's PARENTS (oh wait their all orphans that tracks now) CAUSE I GUESS IT'S THE TROPE 🤦‍♀️ and the next character that gets all political & sexist & “my way or the highway child” during the middle of a WAR by blaming Aelin (or gods forbid poor the more I learn) Aedion for what they did to survive as children during Empire of Storms is going to get my wrath😅😂🤣 and don’t you dare Darrow EVER talk to Lysandra like that again!!! *thank you, Rowan, for protecting them; your family; with pride* (at least the 200-year-old stepped up to the plate😅😅😂… too soon?)

Shoutout to iwantavaldezinator for fandoming with me about the Terrasen issue😂

#as someone with lil sibs I struggle to understand the age of characters because like HP & PJ is middle schoolers WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE #like there is no way I’d let my bb bro or sis go to a boarding school in England or fight a giant dog or go on a quest for the gods #THEY ARE ALL BB’s #even these “older characters like lol why are all vampires teenagers (who wants to be a teenager forever?) NOT the prime guys NOT the goal😅#give them credit #an alternate view #Nesta Archeron #Elain Archeron #Feyre Archeron #the Archeron sisters #key point #let’s not forget #Aelin Galathynius #the lost princess #rightful Queen to Terrasen #she is the Heir of Fire #Darrow #EoS #currently reading #Empire of Storms #TOG #SJM #Maasverse #ramble post #fired up pun intended #got away from me there #book therapy #what can I say #lol #character thoughts

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feyresdaughter · 2 years ago

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A Court of Frost and Starlight, chapter One - Three:

The first snow of winter had begun whipping through Velaris an hour earlier.

IT BEGINS

A long, brutal winter that had made me desperate enough to kill a wolf, that had eventually led me here—to this life, this … happiness.

I just love her, Oh my lord

Deep inside me, rising with every swirling flake, a sparkling, crisp power stirred. I was High Lady of the Night Court , yes, but also one blessed with the gifts of all the courts. It seemed Winter now wanted to play. “It’s still snowing,” I observed rather pointlessly,

Feyre's powers answering to Velaris first snowfall 🥺

My mate— who had worked so hard and so selflessly , all without hope that I would ever be with him. We had both fought for that love, bled for it. Rhys had died for it. I still felt it, that hollowness in my chest where the bond had been, where he had been. Even now, with that bond again flowing between us like a river of star-flecked night, the echo of its vanishing lingered. Drew me from sleep; drew me from a conversation, a painting, a meal. Rhys knew exactly why there were nights when I would cling tighter to him, why there were moments in the bright, clear sunshine that I would grip his hand. He knew, because I knew why his eyes sometimes turned distant, why he occasionally just blinked at all of us as if not quite believing it and rubbed his chest as if to ease an ache.

That's chapter one, no need to go that hard.

Rebuilding Velaris after the attacks from Hybern being only one of many monumental tasks. For other tasks required doing as well— both in Velaris and beyond it : in the Illyrian Mountains, in the Hewn City, in the vastness of the entire Night Court.

Feyre is so ready to build a new world. Keeping her promise to Suri

I had to buy presents for all of them. Not had to, but wanted to. Because all my friends, now my family, had fought and bled and nearly died as well.

🥺

Here … I smiled at the silver-and-sapphire band on my left hand. The ring I’d won for myself from the Weaver in the Wood.

AWWWW

My smile faded a bit. I could see her , too. See Stryga standing before the King of Hybern, covered in the blood of her prey, as he took her head in his hands and snapped her neck. Then threw her to his beasts.

She feels bad for Stryga 😭

I scratched my head at the heavy, wicked-looking mace that Rhys had somehow dumped beside the desk without my noticing. I didn’t even want to know. Though I had no doubt Cassian was somehow behind it.

Hehehhee

I loved this house. It was my home. The first I’d really had in the ways that counted.

Can you hear me crying? I'm so happy for her

High Lady of the Night Court, Defender of the Rainbow and the … Desk.

Hehehehe sweet angel

I’d look through the court budget that Rhys never really cared to follow and see what could be moved around for the possibility of such a thing. For him and for me.

Just leaving that here

but I didn’t mind the work. I loved the work, actually. This territory, its people —they were as much my heart as my mate. Until yesterday, nearly every waking hour had been packed with helping them. Until I’d been politely, graciously, told to go home and enjoy the holiday. All of it was vital; all of it was good, satisfying work . And yet … there was more. There was more that I could do to help. Personally. I just hadn’t figured it out yet.

HIGH LADY OF MY HEART

A sensual huff of laughter. "Cassian was ranting. He didn’t take a breath." - "My poor Illyrian baby. We certainly do torment you, don’t we?"

Feysaaaand

RHYS POV

...but perhaps she would go for a walk with me through it. Let me show her how the City of Starlight glistened under fresh snow.

Rhys wants to go on walk through the snow with Feyre 🥺

There wasn’t a surface inside where I hadn’t taken Feyre— the kitchen table being my particular favorite, thanks to those raw initial days after we’d first mated, when I could barely stand to be near her and not be buried inside her. How long ago, how distant, those days seemed. Another lifetime ago. I needed a holiday. Not a holiday to rest, not to visit anywhere, but just to spend more than a handful of hours in the same bed as my mate. To get more than a few hours to sleep and bury myself in her. It seemed to be one or the other these days. Which was utterly unacceptable. And had turned me about twenty kinds of foolish.

Thehehe keep it in your pants, High Lord 😂

Last week had been so stupidly busy and I’d been so desperate for the feel and taste of her that I’d taken her during the flight down from the House of Wind to the town house. High above Velaris— for all to see, if it weren’t for the cloaking I had thrown into place. It’d required some careful maneuvering, and I’d planned for months now on actually making a moment of it, but with her against me like that, alone in the skies, all it had taken was one look into those blue-gray eyes and I was unfastening her pants. A moment later, I’d been inside her, and had nearly sent us crashing into the rooftops like an Illyrian whelp. Feyre had just laughed. I’d climaxed at the husky sound of it.

I LOVE THIS 😭 He's so whipped for her omg

That kitchen table lay smack in the middle of the front room. I banished the image of Feyre bent over it.

A Court of Rhysie is simping for Feyre (as it should be)

Taking my mate to bed on a regular basis wasn’t exactly a pressing issue. Or anyone’s concern but our own. “Wound a little tight, Rhys?” Of course he’d seen right through it.

Hehe pls more of Cassian and Rhysie

“We’re spending Solstice together. All of us.” Even if I had to give them a direct order as High Lord to do it.

Everyone's going to be there for Feyre's birthday and the first Solstice Rhys is celebrating mated to Feyre

My mother always had gifts for Azriel and Cassian. For the latter, the initial Solstice we’d shared here had been the first time he’d received any sort of gift, Solstice or not. I could still see the tears Cassian had tried to hide as he’d opened his presents, and the tears in my mother’s eyes as she watched him.

I want a young bat boys novella with Rhys's mom alive

I’d have to find a way to fix that, too. I saw how it ate away at Feyre. I still soothed her after she awoke, frantic, from nightmares about that day in Hybern when her sisters had been Made against their will. Nightmares about the moment when Cassian was near death and Nesta was sprawled over him, shielding him from that killing blow, and Elain— Elain—had taken up Azriel’s dagger and killed the King of Hybern instead. [...] It indeed would. “Then don’t say a word to her. I don’t care— just keep Feyre out of it. It’s her day, too.”

Motherhennmode activated

It hit me for a moment, how small that number was. My beautiful, strong, fierce mate, shackled to me—“I know what that look means, you bastard,” Cassian said roughly, “and it’s bullshit. She loves you— in a way I’ve never seen anybody love anyone.” - “It’s hard sometimes,” I admitted, staring toward the snow-coated field outside the house, the training rings and dwellings beyond it, “to remember that she picked it. Picked me. That it’s not like my parents, shoved together.” Cassian’s face turned uncharacteristically solemn, and he remained quiet for a moment before he said, “I get jealous sometimes. I’d never begrudge you for your happiness, but what you two have, Rhys …” He dragged a hand through his hair, his crimson Siphon glinting in the light streaming through the window. “It’s the legends, the lies, they spin us when we’re children. About the glory and wonder of the mating bond. I thought it was all bullshit. Then you two came along.”

Someone pls give Rhys a hug rn or I will find a way into the books myself and do it

“So? Your mother was eighteen to your father’s nine hundred.”

Oof, that's some age gap

Cassian stared at me for a long moment. Then he crossed the distance between us, gathering me in an embrace so tight I could barely breathe. “You made it. We made it. You both endured enough that no one would blame you if you danced off into the sunset like Miryam and Drakon and never bothered with anything else again. But you are bothering—you’re both still working to make this peace last. Peace, Rhys. We have peace, and the true kind. Enjoy it—enjoy each other. You paid the debt before it was ever a debt.”

Cassian hugging Rhys 😭

CASSIAN POV

They didn’t realize that far worse things prowled between the peaks. Some of them hunting on the winds, some crawling out from deep caverns in the rock itself. Feyre had braved facing some of those things in the pine forests of the Steppes. To save Rhys.

YES FEY FEY GOOD JOB I LOVE YOU

Most had been slain by the Illyrians, or sent fleeing to those Steppes. But the most cunning of them, the most ancient … they had found ways to hide. To emerge on moonless nights to feed.

Scary and Feyre was with them that night Rhys got captured oh my lord and the following night, too

Which had come first: the insignia or the Rite, Cassian didn’t know. Had never really cared to find out.

This is going to be important bc everytime Cassian doesn't care enough to find out, ITS IMPORTANT

Before they’d thrown a young, unwed mother out into the snow only days after giving birth, her babe in her arms. And then taken that babe mere years later, tossing him into the mud at Devlon’s camp.

This makes me so sad

He’d wanted to bury her in Velaris. Somewhere full of light and warmth, full of kind people. Far away from these mountains.

Crying

there was little mercy. So training these women , giving them the resources and confidence to fight back, to look beyond their campfires … it was for her. For the mother buried here, perhaps buried nowhere . So it might never happen again. So his people, whom he still loved despite their faults, might one day become something more. Something better.

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stargirlfeyre · 2 years ago

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Sorry in advance but this is going to be long. I don’t believe in the narrative Nesta feels so much and that causes her to lash out. In fact, I believe it’s the opposite. I think Nesta suffers a severe lack of empathy and self awareness. She will say and do things with no regard for anyone’s feelings or emotions. And it’s only after she hurt someone that she feels any remorse or guilt - and that remorse is mostly for herself.

She continually says the meanest and cruelest things possible to hurt those around her and then twists everything to make herself the victim. In fact, she has a history of saying mean things and expecting everyone to forgive and forget. For years, she got away with verbally abusing Feyre and when Feyre finally set boundaries and stood up for herself, she spiraled into jealousy, self loathing, and delusional behavior. She mocked Feyre��s paintings in ACOTAR, and then, got upset that Feyre didn’t paint her. In ACOMAF, when Feyre came back newly turned and told Nesta that she literally died, Nesta was more concerned about Feyre not liking her food than she was that Feyre had been tortured, abused, killed and turned into a Fae against her will. Even Feyre’s pregnancy was somehow all about Nesta too. I still can’t believe that she took Feyre’s happiness over having a son as an insult. The mental gymnastics she had to do to make Feyre’s pregnancy all about her is unbelievable. She couldn’t even be happy for Feyre.

She blamed Elain for their father’s death, called her boring, and compared her to a dog - only to get upset that Elain was distant with her. She empathized more with two strangers than her own sisters. She didn’t see that they too were hurt from the war and were grieving their father. She was too wrapped up in her own self loathing and hurt to realize her two younger sisters are also very traumatized.

She didn’t think about why Feyre so easily viewed Mor as a sister. She didn’t really think about why Feyre even needed another family or why she fell in love with Tamlin, the first person who showed her the tiniest bits of kindess. And instead of reflecting on why Feyre felt the need to find a new family or why she fell in love with the first person that ever showed her a bit of kindness, she only thought about herself and her feelings. Basically her thought process was “Oh, Feyre thinks I’m so awful and the years in the hovel were awful - Feyre is so selfish! of course she replaced us!” She didn’t acknowledge the abuse she inflicted onto her little sister and the impact her words/actions had on Feyre.

But the most significant and awful example of Nesta’s lack of empathy and her unflappable ability to make herself into a victim came in ACOSF, when she willfully kept Feyre in the dark only to tell Feyre about her pregnancy as a way to hurt her. While I do not justify or excuse the Inner Circle for keeping the secret and I absolutely hate Rhys for asking them to, each member of the Inner Circle has been loyal for Rhys for centuries. Nesta had no such allegiance to him - she even disliked him. She didn’t keep Feyre in the dark about her own body because of loyalty to Rhys or worry Feyre’s health and mental well-being. She did it because she simply didn’t care. Indeed, she didn’t spare Feyre a single thought after the convo. She didn’t worry if Feyre or her unborn nephew was going to survive. She only told Feyre as a way to hurt her. She literally used Feyre’s potential miscarriage and death as a weapon. Afterward she felt bad and basically threw herself a pity party. She didn’t really consider what her little sister might’ve been going through or feeling after finding out about the very real threat of miscarriage and death in the most disgusting ways possible.

Throughout her entire book, we see her belittle and abuse everyone around her except for two strangers. And when Cassain finally snapped and told her that no one liked her and no one wanted to be around her, she automatically thought of herself as a victim and spiraled into self pity - never really considering how her own words impacted those around her. Even by the end of the book, she didn’t really show any meaningful growth. She never apologized to Feyre and had never really worked on her habit of lashing out at people. The only thing she did to make amends was sacrifice powers she didn’t even want and refused to train.

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foxounderscorecube · 2 years ago

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A Court of Frost and Starlight - Sarah J. Maas

2½ ⭐

CW: mention and brief discussion of SA

Sadly, this one was a total miss for me!! It was a book. I read it.

Here's the thing: I really like this series overall, but there's a lot about it that I am not a big fan of. Typically, the stuff I find interesting and fun outweighs the stuff I find cringe in a not-fun way or just not relevant to my preferences. Because this book is kind of a slice-of-life, tying loose ends kind of thing, it was, like, 90% the stuff I don't care for and 10% the characters being cute and celebrating Christmas Winter Solstice. Worst of all, it bored me!

I don't have anything against slice-of-life, but for the characters in these books, a LOT of day-to-day life is spent being horny. I just don't really get it. Rhysand is the worst for it. That man can't go five minutes without getting a raging boner because he glanced at Feyre out the corner of his eye.

You know, for a series with the effects of trauma as one of its primary themes, Rhysand only really tells us that he's traumatised from being a sex slave for 49 years. I'm not saying that his horniness contradicts his trauma in itself - plenty of people who have experienced abuse become hypersexual, in fact - but he generally doesn't show any indication whatsoever that it's impacted his relationship with his body and/or sex. You'd expect, say, a scene where something that should be innocuous - a phrase or a position or way of movement - completely takes him out of it and he has to stop because he's panicking. Not just in this book, I mean, just in general. I know that Rhysand is supposed to be a Wish Fulfilment Boyfriend but the guy's been through hell.

Related to that, but on a positive note, it was sad to see Nesta so isolated and coping so badly, but how very Nesta of her. Of course she doesn't want help or love or anything like that. I am looking forward to seeing her development in the next book, at least.

However, we've already put a damper on her relationship with Cassian. I'll admit, I adored their dynamic in Wings and Ruin - her spikiness that didn't hide the fact that she'd grown so fond of him, and him teasing her about it, it was all so cute. But then Cassian trailing her home when she told him to fuck off? My guy, I get you're worried, but take no for an answer. Don't be a creep. And throwing her Solstice present in the river out of rage was a BIG ick. I hope that's a one-off and he doesn't get all possessive and weird in the next book but I'm not holding my breath because I think the possessiveness might be intended to be hot?

Part of why I think this is because of that sex scene, which was bizarre. They had sex but then they also had sex with their minds? Double sex? And then Feyre showed him a picture of their future son right before he nutted???????????? Surely that'd be off-putting, right? Like, oh, great, I was about to cum, but you showed me a picture of a kid and now I feel a bit uncomfortable, actually.

Sadly, very little Lucien in this book. I like Lucien :(

The art studio story arc was sweet, although it did feel like it fell into Feyre's lap a little too easily, I don't know. She's always a bit of a Mary Sue but it was hard to ignore in this book. She has more money than God and people are just like "oh my dear High Lady, please take everything I own for free". Still, I liked Ressina and I think the whole thing of free art therapy for the kids is nice.

The multiple POV didn't play to Maas' strengths at all. The characters all have distinctive voices in dialogue, but she clearly can't write from their perspective consistently, so instead we get first-person chapters for Feyre and Rhysand (who have almost identical internal monologues - the only difference is Rhysand thinks about sex a bit more and describes himself as "drawling" more often) and then third-person for everyone else. When the first Cassian chapter came up, I thought he was just referring to himself in the third person like a caveman and didn't even bat an eye, so that was funny, at least. But it's a shame, because there was the opportunity for us to get a more intimate look at the side characters and we just… didn't. Multiple POV isn't something that often works for me - it usually reminds me of bad fanfic I read growing up - but it can be done well and this would have been a nice book to have that mix of personality put into it.

Highlights of this book were the Illyrian warrior snowball fight and the discussion about how none of them can be trusted not to investigate wrapped presents like excitable children. That was very cute. I do hope that Silver Flames is an improvement.

#read 2023 #reviewed 2023 #books #reading #ya fiction #na fiction #fantasy #can't remember if I've said but I affectionately call this series “a court of shit and piss”#this one really lived up to that

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captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship · 2 years ago

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I'm hoping that Gwynriel aren't friends for now. Even after acosf.

Hear me out! (I've told @the-bookish-valkyrie that too) The reason why I don't want them to be friends already is because I want to see that happening on page from their POV. I prefer couples that aren't already romantically involved. I would've also been content with Azriel being cold to Gwyn because it makes me curious as to how their relationship will develope and I want to see how he goes from cold to warmth. I want to see how they get to the point of friendship and then love. I want to see how they get to the point of sexual attraction, why do they have this interest? Why do they care about each other? How did it start and how does it end? I want to see it all, A to Z, from only Azriel's and Gwyn's POV, ON PAGE. That's one of the big reasons why I'm more interested in Gwynriel and Elucien than El/riel and Vas/sien. Especially Elucien because they aren't on great terms right now and I'm excited to see how that'll play out and who will break first.

We don't know how Azriel got this sudden interest in Elain in the first place. I mean.. well, we do know now and it's because she's the third archeron sister that could give him an HEA. Before Acosf, I just kept asking myself how and why Azriel likes her and why Elain likes him. On my reread, I noticed that when Lucien was more around did Azriel start to have an interest in her. Remember when Azriel won the stick game to Cassian because they both rather wanted to go outside then be Elain's babysitter? Half of their love story happened off page and the other half was from Feyre's POV. Now, there's sexual attraction and... oh come on- where tf did that come from? El/riels are claiming they're already in love. So, Elain and her LI are already interested in each other, she has already found her chosen people (Nuala & Cerridwen), the night court and the IC are her home and she's healing there... so why exactly would we need her book then? Is the mating bond the only problem she has? She will reject it and Lucien would be like "aight, bye". Problem solved.

I'm aware that Gwynriel and Elucien aren't anywhere near the romantic phase right now and thank god for that. I'm also glad that Azriel told us that he wouldn't consider her a friend because I agree, it's too early for that. The bonus chapter and the few scenes in acosf only showed as that there is something between them that will bloom later. Same with Elucien.

And I want Azriel to be an oblivious idiot anyway so...

Sry for the long text

Wow you have really put a lot of thought in this! Honestly I love this. The only thing I worry about is that they will only get one book for their story. I would personally love two books for them, as I think that would be a much better pacing. What I am hoping to see is CC3 as a prequel to ACOTAR 6. I want to see them interact more, get more page time together. Start building a friendship or kinship.

- CC2 spoilers ahead-

I am a firm believer that gwyn will be key to helping Bryce get home, especially since she has interacted with Aidas in the library already. She has also helped with research on the multiple worlds theories, and I have this strong feeling that she speaks the old fae language, or at least knows some from all the hymns they sing at minimum. I think that CC3 will really set up gwyn to get into intelligence, which is Az’s specialty. I want to see them studying/researching in the library together, spar together, etc. We already know they do private dagger sessions so we can’t get the start of those, but I would love to see them meet on the roof of the HoW by accident in the middle of the night and just stargaze and talk.

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witchthewriter · 2 years ago

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𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐅𝐞𝐲𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

⤷ female, ambiguous race, and any size reader. Requests are open, thank you for reading!

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ

SFW🌿

⭑ They had been married for many years when they met you. Amren and Nesta had formed a new group for young women that were interested in magic and witchcraft.

⭑ You were eager to join and had grown close to the women. You were taught how to heal, how to defend and attack; physically, emotionally, and mentally.

⭑ Amren was especially interested in your abilities and how well you connected with the materials. Like this is what you were meant to do.

⭑ She would talk her High Lord and Lady about you. It was only in passing; the army could use good medics, as well as the realm.

⭑ I think it would be Feyre’s idea to have a poly relationship and Rhys was a tad hesitant at first, but it was so natural when they met you.

⭑ Like the cauldron had blessed their union with a third mate.

⭑ You got along so well with both of them. Feyre did most of the talking while Rhys sat back, a loose arm around his wife.

⭑ Their children had big days - training, learning, etc. So they didn’t know about you until Rhys and Feyre were sure about you

⭑ Feeling protected at all times - you always felt safe because you were associated with the most powerful people in the realm.

⭑ Feyre loves showing you her art - particularly the paintings that she’s made of you.

⭑ You and Feyre gang up on Rhys a lot; and you have strong opinions that you aren’t afraid of sharing

⭑ Being targeted at one point or another, but the Inner Circle always has your back

⭑ Mor loves you. She loves the idea that Rhys and Feyre brought in another person into their marriage.

⭑ Elain is strongly against it, but after a few years, she would get over it. After all, they have eternity.

⭑ Bonding with Rhys over history, your love for magic, and what he’s done with Velaris.

⭑ Having sad days and you don’t want to get out of bed, so Feyre curls up behind you and strokes your hair, while Rhys flutters about, making you tea and a hot bath.

⭑ Rhys taking you flying

⭑ Date nights are so fricken FUN. Dressing up and going out to dinner, dancing, or going to the cabin ...

⭑ Rhysand orders are very VERY large bed so the three of you can sleep comfortably

⭑ But you usually sleep in the middle with Rhys spooning you and Feyre facing you, her soft breath tickling your face

⭑ You bond with the High Lord and Ladies children, who have grown up at this point. Nyx is the eldest, who understands the dynamic and finds it interesting. But also very weird because duh, it’s his parents.

⭑ Being really good friends with Azriel, Amren, and Nesta. You understand their reserved nature.

⭑ Cassian loves throwing you over his shoulder and Nesta calls out, “YOU BE CAREFUL WITH HER!”

⭑ Feyre is usually the last one to wake up each morning

⭑ Rhys leaning against the doorway, his hands in his pockets and his eyes twinkling, “Hello Beautiful,” he purrs.

⭑ You and Feyre get tipsy together and Rhys comes home and he’s like, “oh god...” while pinching the bridge of his nose. And you both see him and squeal, “Rhyyyysssssss!!! We missed you!” And you both run and jump on him.

⭑ Feyre’s pet names for you are, ‘love,’ ‘my heart,’ ‘honey,’ and ‘sweetheart.’

Relationship Tropes:

Wild Chaotic (Feyre) x Awkward innocent (You) x Calm and Collected (Rhys)

Moon (Rhys) x Eclipse (Feyre) x Sun (You)

Tall (Rhys) x Smol (You) x Slightly Taller than Smol (Feyre)

NSFW🔞 minors dni!

⭑ You would be in the center of a lot of sexual encounters

⭑ Rhys and Feyre had dabbled in nearly every kind of sex over the centuries. So, they were excited to try it with a newcomer

⭑ Feyre was insatiable whenever you were around; her hands finding their way under your shirt, groping your breasts

⭑ They always respect your boundaries and want to hear what you want, what you like, and dislike.

⭑ Standing and Rhys is on your right side, Feyre on your left. They’re both kissing either side of your neck, your shoulders, your chest.

⭑ They never leave you out, or make you feel like you’re the third wheel. You’re the center of attention. They’ve lived with each other for centuries, so now you’re the highlight in their marriage.

⭑ You and Feyre like to get on your knees in front of Rhys and kiss, suck, and lick his cock and balls.

⭑ Rhysand loves sloppy head; where spit, and cum are smeared over your face, dribbling down your chin.

⭑ Nipple play. Both Rhys and Feyre like their nipples pulled and bitten. Especially Feyre.

⭑ Bathing together. Wedged between Feyre’s legs as you clean Rhysand’s wings, she massages your back, while Rhys rubs her knee.

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unhealthyfanobsession · 3 years ago

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Can I ask for drunk Nesta flirting with Cassian in front of the ic and him getting all flustered but being secretly pleased about it???

Hell yeah you can! I love this idea! It wasn’t specified so I’m going modern here just because I’m not really sure where this could’ve happened in the canon timeline without a bunch of other factors impeding. Also I’m throwing in a dash of my fav jealous Cassian 😏

It wasn’t that Cassian didn’t want to be there. Well, no, actually that was exactly what it was. Cassian didn’t want to be there. He was exhausted and he hadn’t gotten to the gym that morning and he had a massive deadline that Rhys kept insisting they could push back but Cassian didn’t want to. He just wanted to go home and finish his report and maybe have a glass of whiskey to close off a truly awful week.

But Feyre’s art exhibit opened earlier that week and he hadn’t even gotten to see it yet and so it wasn’t like he could blow off her big party when he already felt like the world’s worst friend.

And he was completely lying to himself and everyone else. He didn’t want to be there because he didn’t want to watch Eris Vanserra’s slimy ass mill about the elegantly decorated, high ceilinged, natural light dripping, beautiful space, with his eyes glued to Nesta’s ass as if it was the art they were meant to be appreciating.

Did Cassian also appreciate every inch of her body like it had been sculpted by Michelangelo? Yeah but that was besides the point. And he had the respect to do it subtly.

“Remind me why he’s invited,” Cassian grumbled into his overpriced merlot. Because apparently only wine was classy enough for these fancy, classy, art events.

“He’s Lucien’s brother.” Azriel also didn’t look impressed by Eris’ uninvited hand on the small of Nesta’s back. Or the way he kept refilling her glass before she asked or was even done. “And he’s richer than Midas and spends a lot of that money on art.”

Cassian rolled his eyes. “We have as much money as he does.”

“Yes but you know Feyre’s rule. No family purchases. She doesn’t want to be a success just because Rhys could buy and sell this entire gallery.” Azriel was stoic as usual. Betraying no opinion on the matter.

It was several hours of carefully constructed comments where Cassian pretended he knew anything about art and pretended his neck wasn’t getting increasingly hot under his collar as Eris kept glued to Nesta’s side.

Cassian had no right to be jealous. He knew that. He and Nesta weren’t anything. Casual flirting. Witty banter. Eternal, pining, unrequited love on his end that she didn’t even seem to notice or care about. So fine. Maybe Eris was her type. It wasn’t his place to interfere.

Except that she really needed a glass of water right now and-

Cassian’s hand darted out on instinct as Nesta walked past him, wobbling a little on her completely impractical shoes.

“Careful sweetheart.”

He braced for the hissed don’t call me that, but When he looked up Nesta was blinking slowly through a hazy wall of the wrong wine.

The wrong wine because Eris had been giving her a Nappa Cab Sauv all night when she preferred old world Syrah. Which was probably why she kept drinking it so quickly, looking for her opportunity to get what she really wanted.

“Cass,” she smiled. It was a little lopsided and definitely off kilter, but even through her wine brain he could see that she was playing at something. Nesta had never called him Cass in his life. “It’s so good to see you!” Her voice went up a full octave and she pressed her entire body against his as she hugged him.

The display turned a few heads in their direction. It was mostly just family at this point, and Eris who couldn’t learn how to take a fucking hint. Technically, he supposed, Eris was family. Nesta’s fucking brother in law. Was that how it worked? Was the brother of the person your sister married also your brother in law? Brother in law once removed?

Not important, moron. Drunk Nesta. Body. Wrapped in a tight sheath dress and clinging to him. Cassian closed his hands around her back and got lost for a minute.

Holding her against him like she was made to fit in his arms. Breathing in her scent like he could capture it in a bottle and spray it on his pillow every night before he went to bed.

Someone cleared their throat. Feminine. High pitched. Mor.

Nesta had already let go and was smirking at him a little. He dropped his hands immediately. “Um, yeah, always a pleasure.”

“Interesting choice of words,” Nesta’s grin was feline. She was definitely up to something. And normally he would make a stupid remark, probably something about how much more pleasurable the evening would be back at his apartment, except that she was drunk and his entire family was staring and Eris was still standing there.

“Can I get you a glass of water?” It seemed like the right thing to say. To offer. Feyre smiled a little, a silent thank you. Azriel was covering a laugh, Mor was watching them both with narrowed eyes like a hawk, and Rhys honestly couldn’t have cared less. Nesta’s eyes narrowed. “Or maybe throw you into a pool,” Cassian joked stupidly.

“You should probably buy me dinner before offering to get me wet.” Someone dropped a glass. Cassian honestly thought it might have been him and he wouldn’t have noticed. Not in that moment. Not with Nesta looking at him through hooded eyes and talking about…

He could do this. His pants were not getting tight. Not at all. Because he wasn’t a damn teenager.

“I- um- do you-”

Nesta burst out laughing. It was a sound he’d never heard from her. She was usually all sultry under her breath snorts or ironic guffaws. Full, deep, angels singing, laughter was not usual for Nesta.

As evidenced by the fact the no one was even pretending not to be watching them anymore.

“I’ve got her.” Eris pushed himself back to Nesta’s side.

“Does he?” Nesta looked straight at Cassian, one eyebrow raised. “Because I’m willing to bet he wouldn’t have made it past glass two if your family wasn’t here.”

Azriel coughed. Amren cackled.

“You… do you want him to have you?” It came out wrong. The words. He meant did she want Eris to take her to get some water. Like he offered. He didn’t mean, he couldn’t, he wouldn’t…

“I want you to have me.” She was drunk. She was so drunk and it shouldn’t have been hot but fuck him it was. It wasn’t some sloppy college night out messed up drunk. It was a woman whose inhibitions had been soaked in wine just enough that every word out of her mouth was low and hot and honest.

“Find somewhere else to be, Vanserra.”

“Hey man what the fuck? We were talking-“

Cassian scoffed, snapping out of whatever flustered mess Nesta had put him in. “Anyone who gave her that much Cab Sauv doesn’t deserve to talk to her. Get lost.”

“I saw you eyeing the bottle,” Nesta laughed a little, swaying on her toes. Cassian moved his hands from a support on her bicep to a full arm around the waist support. Even if she did try to fall he could lift her with one arm easy. “Thought you might say something after…”

After the night they spent in her apartment with a bottle of her favourite Syrah only a week ago. It hadn’t been on purpose. Feyre and Elain and Azriel and Lucien were all supposed to be there. And they all conveniently cancelled only after he’d already showed up.

Which, judging by the barely contained grins on their faces, was even less of a coincidence than he thought. Busybodies.

“I’d offer you a glass of Syrah now, but I think what you need is a coffee.”

“Oh but then I’ll never sleep. And I do think I’m ready for bed.”

Sensing that he’d lost, Eris swore under his breath and stomped off.

“Let me take you home, Nes.” Cassian whispered into her hair.

“Hmm, your place or mine.”

“Yours,” he kissed her temple, pulling her legs out from under her and not even paying his family a backwards glance. “For a nightcap of 2 big glasses of water and a bottle of aspirin that I’m going to leave on your nightstand for the morning.”

“You don’t want to be there in the morning?”

Cassian groaned. “You said it yourself, Sweetheart. Dinner first.”

“You’re never going to let me live this down.” Nesta sighed, head lulling onto his shoulder.

“Actually go for dinner with me next week and I promise to never bring this night up again. And bribe our friends to do the same.”

“Deal,” Nesta said immediately.

An hour later after Cassian had supervised Nesta drinking her water he was about to leave her apartment when she yawned.

“Hey Cass,” she mumbled, half asleep.

“Yes sweetheart?”

“You made a bad bargain. I would’ve gone out with you either way.”

Cassian chuckled, a low rumble. “I’m satisfied with the bargain I made.”

“Cheesy as hell.”

“You love it.”

Nesta laughed, “I am prepared to tolerate it at best.”

“Good enough for me.”

#nessian #nessian fanfiction #drabble requests #nesta archeron #acosf #cassian #nesta and cassian #a court of thorns and roses #sarah j maas #a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury #acotar

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feyres-divorce-lawyer · 1 year ago

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ok my eye kinda twitches when ppl, even jokingly, jab at feyre for not knowing the answer to the riddle immediately because like… that’s the point

setting aside her illiteracy, her not knowing the answer until the very end is the point because she has went through what the riddle says:

“there are those who seek me a lifetime, but never we meet”

feyre seeks love from the people around her, she seeks it from her sisters, from her father, even when she knows it’ll never happen, she seeks it from isacc, and the person she seeks love from the most? her mother. her mother is whole reason she’s hunting. every time she shot an arrow, it was for her mother; are you paying attention to me now, mom? am i good enough now? and this love from her mother is a love she’ll never meet because the bitch is dead

“and those i kiss but who trample me beneath ungrateful feet”

from feyre’s pov, she’s the savior of her family. she’s the one who hunts, she’s the one who keeps them all alive, and that’s how she shows love, and yet (again from her pov) they don’t seem all that appreciative of it.

“as times i seem to favor the clever and the fair”

nesta, the clever and elain, the fair. to feyre, she was always left out of whatever bond nesta and elain had formed with each other before she was born. the love they hold for each other seemed far greater than the love she had for them

“but i bless all those who are brave enough to dare”

and here is where things start to change. her being brave enough to shoot that wolf brings her tamlin, the first person in her life that she has never had to provide for. he takes care of her and most importantly he takes care of her family. he releases her from her self-apointed burden and for the first time in eight years, the only person she’s responsible for keeping alive is herself. tamlin is the reason for all this, that makes him the man she grows to love. she was blessed with him.

“by large, my ministrations are soft-handed and sweet”

once she’s acclimated to spring (tamlin did forcibly break into her home and knocked her out) feyre’s happy. she left the cottage with the belief that there was no such thing as a better world and completely devoid of hope. compared to when she’s in spring, her biggest worries of the day is trying to convince alis to let her wear pants. tamlin, bar calanmai, is the softest and shiest man she’s ever met. he makes her poems out of words she chose, he encourages her inner artist, he takes her to swim in a pool of starlight, he lets her see the world through his eyes and, even if it was just for a moment, it was mesmerizing.

“but scorned, i become a difficult beast to defeat”

and here is where there’s trouble in paradise. tamlin sends feyre away with his false explanation of the blight, of course feyre doesn’t listen and comes back anyway, and she learns of amarantha. amarantha who tricked all the high lords and rendered them practically powerless against her. and why? because she was scorned by tamlin, who she chased for centuries (eww btw). feyre’s trials are exceptionally difficult, especially the third, because amarantha wanted to prove feyre unworthy of the love she was scorned of, prove the inconsistent heart of a human

“for though each of my strikes lands a powerful blow,”

amarantha is beating feyre up, every strike of her hand breaks another one of feyre’s bones. she’s broken and bloody, and at this rate, she is going to die.

“when i kill, i do it slow”

but she’d already been dying, hasn’t she? every second under the mountain, every day in that cell rotting away, every night she was forced to dance, when she broke her arm killing the wyrm, when she was almost skewered by hot spikes, when she had to stab those faeries. it was already killing her, over three slow months. why had she done this again?

oh yeah,

“But I wouldn’t say it. Because loving Tamlin was the only thing I had left, the only thing I couldn’t sacrifice.”

she loves him, your honor

#acotar proving once again to be the best book in this garbage series #me realizing halfway through this that ch. 44 is the exact same thing #now that i think about it #the very existence of the riddle further proves how horribly written acomaf was #pro feyre #she really stared an evil queen down and refused to admit she didn’t love her man #ugh that shit was so cool #acotar #acotar analysis #pro tamlin #pro feylin

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lunainfortuna · 2 years ago

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{i swear to God, the fact the batflowers are celebrating this answer makes me laugh so freaking much}

Usually, I don't indulge ewriels, but since this one found their way to a gwynriel post, I'll just...

First things first:

The Hybern camp scene. We are veryyy familiar with it by now and you know why? Because that was the first time in loooong months that Azriel acted on Elain's danger {lol}. Before that, he didn't give a single fuck about her; shall we?

1. She was thrown into the caldron and he didn't bat an eye (meanwhile, Cassian was crawling towards Nesta);

2. Eris offended her at the High Lords' meeting and Az, again, didn't even noticed.

+ other situations where her name showed up and batboy was too busy... caring about Mor.

Now, about her kidnapping, the peak romance was when Az (the Shadowsinger) decided to save her after realizing Feyre and Nesta's anguish. Other than the fact that he was the only one who could do it and survive. A good person? No, he was in love, of course. Wait, no. He is her true mate! (with a delay)

My, this Az's behavior kinda reminds me of when he told Rhys he would fight in the war no matter what. But, uh, no... Elain wasn't the main reason, so no. Probably not.

{I might add that Azriel was bleeding and hurt when he got back from the Hybern camp with the girls, but his lover didn't bother to ask if he was okay or to ask someone's help. She was like: thanks, pal *cheek kiss*, good luck! bye!}

{I might also add that when she saw Lucien after the war, the first thing she asked was if he was okay}

Anyways, moving forward.....

The first saving was a great success.

So great that Az only started noticing Elain when she pointed out, while being helped, that he was there for her. What a lady in distress. If you know our batboy, you know exactly what this means to him. And if you try (at least a little) to understand his character beyond fanom and ship, you'll understand why he directs his attention to her now.

Therefore, we have the Elain is crying cuz Nesta is a big bad bitch and Azzy is soooo worried he might die. This scene is.... clear as fuck that it pains me that you use it as a way to hint romance.

Elain's became the person who needs his protection so much that a fight with her own sister makes Az a big ass brooding male. Again, there was a delay because that concern is new. Almost as if he had to be always attentive of her; almost as if he suddenly felt like he owned her.

It's pretty obvious by now, thinking about Mor and then, Elain, that Az changes the way he acts when he decides someone should be his mate/protected.

It's not something real and pure.

{btw, his shadows where prob like: wtf man... u dumb...}

Azriel first met Gwyn 2 years ago. Same as Nessian.

Surely, you aren't making a comparison. Surely... oh wait, u are. Let's just pretend that like Nesta and Cassian, Gwyn and Azriel spent those two years interacting. They were together all this time, yep. {well, they were under the same sky}

Yeah, Az met Gwyn around two years ago. And different from Az meeting Elain and giving zero fucks about her, he reacted to Gwyn's danger and saved her. He had *just* met her; !first! time. And he saved her. He went beyond his duties and modus operandi, and saved her.

Azriel does not respect the laws.

And I continue with other smart batflowers inputs: he would have done something.

Damn, this is boring as hell, but what can I say? Again (and again!), if you understood half of what I said here and half of the book says about Azriel, you would immediately know his reaction and the reason of it.

Would Azriel go to the Rite out of love for someone who he barely knows, who he underestimates, who is his true mate (with a delay) or would he do it out of the necessity to be the one who saves a defenseless female? Or would he do it out of the idea of a mistake by the Caldron?

His intentions are not genuine when it comes to Elain.

He would throw a tantrum. He would be mad because he is a male who needs to protect. This is not love. This is not caring. This is someone trying to prove something for themselves, ha. This is far different from Rhys and Cassian, and the way they worry for their mates, but trust them and believe in them.

{cassian struggled, but helped nesta with the troves; he was in pain, but he trusted nesta in the rite until the very end, etc; ++ rhys worried abt feyre but she survived every task and he always respected her}

So, yeah. If the kind of reaction you're bringing up is your ideal one in sjmas romances, then... I'm sorry for you.

Because do u know what's waaaaay better?

The fact that when Gwyn needed help, Azriel, never meeting her before, was there for her. The fact that he alone saved her and let her in a safe place to thrive with good people. The fact that their paths met again and that he was once again there to make her stronger and confident. Or the fact that they got to know each other, even a little, but more than expected {do you sing?} and the fact that still-not-a-friend, Azriel pictured her eyes shining of happiness. Plus, the fact that he only showed any reaction to the Rite when Cassian said Gwyn's name.

Yet, he trusted her.

{not gonna mention his shadows cuz im merciful}

“if gwynriel are mates, they’re the weakest one. azriel didn’t even care when gwyn got kidnapped”

bro didn’t rhysand watch feyre be tortured and starved?? and look where that got them

#again...it helps to read the books.#lmao #okay not gonna indulge anymore #but that was fun #gwynriel supremacy

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acourtofthought · 2 months ago

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I think the moment WE all found out the whoever runs Elain week was banning ships we knew the week would not really be about Elain.

And it is now an even bigger shit show watching how they are ignoring the problematic and racially insensitive comments the artist made. The art ITSELF was fine, but what she said and how she's doubled down is NOT, and then for the mods to support her and allow other elriels do encourage those comments should honestly be called out. I know they don't care, they are already refusing accountability and trying to make it about Gwynriel, when Gwynriel is not even a part of this fucking shit show. The truly can't help themselves in finding ways to turn this on Gwyn stans.

Anyways, here is what I think, El/riels are paranoid that the fandom will perceive their ship as the minority and that is why they make everything about Elriel, they can't even celebrate Elain as ELAIN without some passive aggressive, OUT OF CONTEXT cheesy caption that reads like a school girl writing in her diary for the first time about a crush on a boy who only thinks you are hot but could care less about your personality, and because you have no standards for yourself or too naive, find that attraction is all it takes to win you over. Even if the boy never bothered to ask you once, how your day was, or bothered to get to know you, because like who cares, he is a cute boy right?

They are shallow and their lack of depth and understanding to how SJM actually wishes for her couples to be equals, and fully themselves is their downfall. But jokes on them, it does not matter how much they push Elriel, Sarah does not give a fuck.

We don't have just one book of contextually evidence of the type of romance Sarah prefers, not even two, three of even 10, we have 16 books of fated mates as endgame, because that IS THE TROPE. Have they ever read any other books? You read enough romance books, it is easy to pick up on basic set up like this:

Character A is not wholly herself around Character B. Boy wants to only protect fragile FMC, they hold back who they truly are, especially their ugly side, maybe they trauma bonded when FMC was too scared and fearful of her destiny, but eventually when the FMC starts to embrace her fate, the relationship is doomed because the boy can't handle who she is becoming.... like where have I read that before? oh in several other popular series, from Fourth Wing, Shatter Me, The Mortal Instruments, like babes, the writing is on the wall, it's the most basic set up there is, Tamlin and Chaol also fit the bill of this archetype doomed romance, and they refuse to see it.

I bet good money if they read other books they would be team jacob, team adam, team stefan, team simon, team dain...I can go on and on. I bet they were team tamlin and chaol before the next books if they were even around then. They lack depth and understanding of the most basic romance types in a vast majority of books.

Az wanting to keep Elain away from danger is not romantic. It is sniffling her. Just like Dain did not want Voilet to train. Just like Tamlin did not want Feyre to train. Just like Adam wanted to keep Juliette from fighting. Stefan refusing to accept Elena for who she was becoming, wanting her to be the girl he first met, to Simon wishing things would have been what they once were, only to realize Claire never would be and learning their love was never meant to be romantic.

Like this is not hard.

I'll see your thoughts and raise you one.

I think even before the banning of ships we knew this wasn't actually going to be a true Elain week based on the history of Elain Weeks. Most character weeks reserve a day for relationship prompts but instead, this week has always been E/riel Week 2.0 run by E/riels who limit the amount of other content that's featured.

And I agree, it is sad to see that the sum total of many of these posts are simply fanart of e/riel with a quote from the book (i.e., how handsome they would be together) and that's the entire thing. Because Feyre thinking what she did back in book 2 (though she clearly was encouraging Elain to get to know Lucien in the novella) somehow is important to the ELAIN Home Prompt. Because Feyre's words should somehow dictate where Elain will be most at home, not Elain herself when the text in SF (the most recent book) clearly shows that despite Elain's attempts at doing her best to fit in, she really doesn't.

I was talking to Luna earlier and we had discussed how Sarah set up Nesta's story like this:

Nesta was in the NC but she refused to try to acclimate to the NC. She hid herself away, would not interact with the IC, would not engage with Velaris outside of the bars and taverns she visited, did not want to participate in the NCs holidays such as Solstice (and the exchanging of gifts). She was in the NC but kept herself removed from what made it the NC. It wasn't until her book that she began to try fitting in with the things around her she found her home.

In comparison Elain is in the NC and she's trying to fit in. She's trying to interact with Feyre's found family, trying to show interest in an available NC male within Feyre's circle, participating in the holidays and traditions of the NC, trying to make friends and find a purpose there. But despite Elain doing everything she possibly can to fit in, the text supports that something still isn't working. Cruelty still bothers her, the others still don't rely on her for anything, nobody is asking her about her trauma, nobody is asking her to train her powers, she's constantly sitting by the sunniest windows and losing her color in the winter, she barely laughed in SF. Elain is doing her best but no matter how much she gives, it's not going to be enough because she's NOT where she belongs. Versus Nesta, who finally gave in and began trying and realized she was where she belonged all this time.

But as you said, they are so fixated on such surface level things (they wanted to kiss!! Feyre said they'd be handsome together!) that they forget about the deeper, more meaningful aspects of Sarah's endgame pairings. And you're right, it will not matter how many fanarts they make, how loud they are within the fandom, it's not going to change what Sarah writes. Sarah has spoken time and again about what a toxic relationship looks like to her (Tamlin / Feyre), what a true connection for her looks like since she feels she has that with Josh, and she set E/riel up to look exactly like the Feyre / Tamlin romance did. Ignoring what kind of author she is and what relationships she prefers isn't going to help them. I think I'd have more respect if they said, "yes, I see where Az's behavior with Elain is problematic but I believe Sarah will have him made amends". But instead, they insist Az is so romantic towards Elain, that they share in true love. ?!$!$%#% WHERE????? You said it above but he does not have faith in her, he does not give her credit for anything she did in the war, he was not there for her during any of her arguments with Nesta in the last year. That is not love, not in any of the books you mentioned above and definitely not in a Sarah J Maas book. It's even more noticeable because of how she wrote Az reacting to Gwyn through the book, thinking on how far she's come, showing pride and admiration for her, believing in her. He isn't in love with Gwyn yet but those traits are a much more beautiful and solid foundation to build a real relationship on than talking about seeds, appearances and wanting to eat her out after avoiding her for a year.

Side note, I know you were saying Az is "stifling" her but the typo reads Az is sniffling her and I can't stop smiling because it's so funny when you read it that way.

#anti e/riel

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bookofmirth · 3 years ago

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I'm not sure how I can explain it better but I hope you'll get what I mean.

I know that Azriel's demons and trauma are what prevent him from having a healthy relationship- actually, they prevent him from enjoying life. I think that it's not only that, but he never actually loved Mor the way that he thinks he did and does. Maybe he does? I can't really tell, but what I can tell is that he never liked her first. He obviously doesn't love Elain and it seems that he never began to at least lern to like her at least.

Rhys said that it was love at first sight for Azriel when he saw Mor and that is where it all started. I don't believe in love at first sight and I don't like that trope as it shows to me that it's more like they love the outside of a person and not the inside. I'm not really sure if he knows much about Mor- yeah, he knows her for 500 years, but from acomaf through acosf it seems like he doesn't really know her.

I'm not talking about the "Oh you're sassy, I like you" type of like, something that Amren would say for example. Yeah, Azriel likes Elain, Mor, Gwyn, Emerie and probably many other people because they're nice or something, but not in a way that is meaningful.

I really don't know how to explain that, my english isn't perfect. I'm just gonna say that it would be better if he likes his lover first before love. That is why the friends to lovers trope is pefectly suited for him and since he doesn't view Gwyn the same was he views Mor and Elain, there is a high chance that he will be able to really fall in love this time. Slowly falling in love, after having defeated at least most of his demons.

I think the only people he likes and loves are Rhys, Cassian and his mother. I really don't think Mor and I'm hella confused about Amren because Amren is.. Amren. Feyre? I'm not sure either. Maybe in his book we get to finally see how the relationships with the people he cares for work. With Cassian we all know he loves Feyre and Mor (once again- I hella don't know about Amren but since it's Cassian, he probably does like her?) but Azriel? It's hard to tell.

I read a fic in Mor's PoV, watching Gwyn bringing Azriel to a good mood and asking herself how she manages that when the others don't and in the end of the fic she comes to the realization that Azriel likes Gwyn. It got me thinking.

I'm just gonna say that it would be better if he likes his lover first before love. That is why the friends to lovers trope is pefectly suited for him and since he doesn't view Gwyn the same was he views Mor and Elain, there is a high chance that he will be able to really fall in love this time.

YES

Totally agree. Gwynriel is absolutely friends to lovers and I think that's exactly what works for both of them, not just Az.

I understand what you mean about liking, too. There's a difference between liking your friends and... dare I say, looking at someone in admiration?

Az needs to get to know someone before he falls in love because yeah, I think that he "likes" the idea of Mor and Elain, but he doesn't really know or understand them. There is a distance there. But for Az to fall in love with a friend will force him to think about why he likes them, and make him realize that it's about more than the idea of the person. And also to know that this friend who falls in love also knows him and isn't just going based on first impressions (e.g. pretty but scary) will mean a lot to him.

For Gwyn, I think trust will be a big part of her falling in love. And how can she come to trust someone? By getting to know them and seeing them as a friend first. She said that she could always count on Catrin for everything and she doesn't have that right now. Finding someone she can count on the same way will be 🥲

I also agree re: people Az loves being Rhys, Cassian, and his mother. I think he cares for Feyre and Nesta, and maybe with time he will care for them as much as he does Rhys, Cass, and his mom. Amren is just Amren 😂 And Mor, it's complicated. I can see him being friends with Elain the same way he is with Nesta and Feyre, but again, he's complicated that by not really getting to know her (hello, Macy's called and wants their generic necklace from the "Gift for Her" rack back).

#gwynriel #ask #anon #gwyn berdara #acotar #azriel

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ncssian · 3 years ago

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A Favor: Part Twenty-Six

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: writing this chapter was so much fun but reading it was a train wreck so you’ll just have to find out yourself whether it’s actually good or not. hurt/comfort ahead

***

Most of Nesta’s days lately are spent holed up in her basement apartment, either studying for her finals or preparing for her move—which means that whenever Cassian wants to see her, she has to haul ass all the way to the cabin to make time for him.

Like now, on the morning of her birthday, as she stands in her pajamas and slippers in the middle of Cassian’s home gym. Staring at the reason behind his urgent phone call telling her to come over.

“It’s a pole,” she says dumbly.

“Happy birthday,” he says, looking proud of himself. “Consider it an incentive to move in faster, okay?”

“It’s a pole,” she repeats. Tall and gleaming, it stands in front of the wall of mirrors away from most of the workout equipment. “You installed a pole?”

The gift itself isn’t that surprising—Cassian could afford an entire pole dancing studio if he wanted to. What surprises her is that it’s installed here, in Cassian’s personal space. The gym is to Cassian what the reading nook is to Nesta, if not even more sacred. Nesta rarely enters it, but now… he’s extending a blatant invitation into his space.

“I know you already take classes with Gwyn and Emerie,” Cassian is saying, “but you haven’t gotten to go in a while because of school and work, so I thought it would be easier for you if I brought the dance studio over here.” He scratches his head, and Nesta’s eyes drift to the silver watch on his wrist. “You never told me you used to dance. I found out from Feyre, and she sent me videos of your old ballet recitals.”

“Did she?”

Cassian nods along. “You were good. You’re still good now, which is why you should wipe that look off your face and thank me for your gift.”

Nesta is sure she looks stupefied, but she doesn’t do anything to rein it in. She has so many thoughts, and she can only think of saying, “I don’t want to practice in front of you.”

“You don’t have to,” Cassian promises. “Other than early mornings, maybe evenings, the gym will be empty for you.”

Okay. “You—” Nesta starts, “You’re really okay with this?”

Cassian’s face drops in confusion. “Okay with what?” He looks at the pole and back at Nesta. “Do you not like it?”

“Are you okay with giving me part of the gym? Where are you going to go if you want to be alone?” She chews on her lip.

Cassian laughs. “Why would I want to be alone?”

Nesta shrugs. “I need it at least once a week. I figured everyone else was the same way.” Her alone spot in the cabin is her former bedroom from the first time she lived here. Cassian knows not to enter that room, and on days when she spends time in there he simply waits until she comes out. Nesta assumed the gym was close to being something like that for Cassian.

Realization crosses Cassian’s face. “Oh, you mean like your ‘special room’?”

“Don’t say it like that,” Nesta snipes. “I told you I don’t use it for masturbating.”

He comes over and swings a heavy arm around her shoulder. “Babe, if I wanted to be alone I wouldn’t stay in the house. I’d run the trails in the woods behind the cabin.”

“Really?” Her brows furrow. She didn’t know that.

“Look, am I gonna have to return the pole or not?” Cassian says, exasperated.

Nesta stares at him closely, and upon finding no other catch to his gift, she flings her arms around his torso. “I love it,” she declares into his chest. “I love it so much.”

His body tenses in surprise at her uncharacteristic outburst, but then she feels his strong arms wrapping around her too. “In that case, have I earned myself a private show?” he teases.

“I’ll give you so many private shows,” Nesta promises. At least, once she completes her 2L and has the time to learn how to use the pole. “Emerie and Gwyn are going to be so jealous,” she hums pridefully.

Cassian chuckles deeply, and the sound rumbles through his chest where Nesta’s head rests.

They stay holding each other in silence like that for a while, mostly because it’s too early for unnecessary conversing. When Nesta finally speaks up, it’s to say, “Did you really have to call me over at eight a.m. for this, though?”

“It’s your birthday.” Cassian strokes the hair away from her neck. “Don’t even think about sleeping,” he warns. “We’re spending the whole day together. Your sisters mailed gifts, and Gwyn and Emerie are coming over at noon.”

That works for her.

***

The week after her birthday, Nesta drops her resignation letter onto Rhysand’s desk with a heavy smack.

He looks up from the envelope to her. “What’s this?”

“I’m quitting,” she announces without flourish. “Thank you for the experience. Let’s never do it again.”

“But—you got paid more than anyone else in an assistant position ever would. And you weren’t too bad at your job for a student. What went wrong?” He picks up the letter as if he can’t believe his eyes.

Nesta’s stare is a deadpan one. “Let me guess: you thought I would take your free paychecks, use my connections to move up your nepotism ladder, and end up working at Night Court comfortably for the rest of my life?”

Rhysand sits back in his chair and raises a brow at Nesta. “This is a family business,” he says smoothly. “I thought you wanted to be part of the family?”

How funny of him. “I’m good,” she answers simply.

“You came all the way here to tell me this?” Here being Velaris, which gleams through the wall of windows behind Rhysand’s desk.

“I’m not here to see you,” Nesta says, the implication being left in the air. “I’m just stopping by.” Giving a short nod, she turns on her heel to leave.

“If you ever go looking for another job,” Rhysand calls after her, “tell me if you need a recommendation. I can get you into any position at any business.”

She pauses at the door and looks over her shoulder at Rhysand. “I already have recommendations. And a job.” Her summer clerkship at the local family law firm won’t pay a third of what she made here at Night Court, but it’s good enough for now. Combined with what she’s saved up so far, she’ll get through her final year of law school without issue.

At Rhysand’s surprised face, she takes her cue to leave.

Nesta didn’t intend on going all the way to personally meet the CEO to quit, but since Cassian has been in Velaris the whole weekend for work, she thought it would be nice to surprise Cassian with a visit and cut her ties with Night Court Inc. at the same time.

Night Court’s headquarters are huge, with the skyscraper easily being one of the tallest buildings in the city. Nesta nearly gets lost trying to find her way out of Rhysand’s offices.

When she finally spots the steel doors of the elevator, they’re about to slide shut on her. “Hold the door!” she calls out, kicking into a jog. An arm pushes out at the last second to stop the doors from closing, and Nesta slides into the elevator with a sigh of relief. The doors close after her, and she turns to thank the only other person in the elevator.

The man is already looking at her in surprise—surprise which slowly turns into a shark-like smile. “Nesta?”

Nesta’s blood goes cold. He can’t be.

“Remember me?” He points at himself, still grinning. “Keith? Keith O’Connell?”

She tries to swallow but her mouth is dry. “Yeah, I remember,” she gets out.

She remembers everyone she knew from college. She especially remembers Tomas’s closest friends.

Nesta realizes Keith is saying something to her. “What floor?” he asks.

“Uh…” Where was she going again? She can’t remember. She spits out a random number and lets Keith press the button.

Nesta turns her gaze to the flashing numbers above the doors, watching them go down and down. Why are there so many damn floors?

“Didn’t think I’d see you around here,” he goes on, trying to get her to meet his eyes. “Let me guess, you’re an intern?”

Nesta keeps her eyes glued to the floor numbers. “No.”

“Ah,” he hums. “Don’t tell me you’re still chasing that lawyer dream?”

When Nesta doesn’t respond, she finds five fingers on her jaw turning her face toward Keith’s.

She jerks out of his grip, indignant rage bubbling to the surface—rage that is almost immediately suppressed by dread and fear. She’s so small right now; she can’t remember how to be big and loud.

Keith grins, taking a step closer. “What’s wrong? I just asked a question.”

Her back bumps into the wall. She barely feels it. She might as well be back in the living room of her college apartment, sitting on the arm of the couch while Tomas makes snide remarks about her to Keith O’Connell and his other friends. She’s not allowed to leave, because then she’ll be the one who can’t take a joke.

Keith frowns disappointedly at the ground, as if he found a shiny toy just to discover that it doesn’t do any tricks. Now he’s bored. “Damn,” he says. “When you’re not busy being Tom’s bitch, I guess you’re just a bitch.”

Nesta wishes she could be a bitch right now. She wishes she could fight back. “What are you doing, Keith?”

He tilts his head at her. “I’m catching up with you. You got a boyfriend?” His beady eyes slide down her form, leaving a slimy feeling in their wake.

When her lips stay pressed in a firm line, he grabs her arm and laughs. “Come on, why’re you being so weird?” He shakes her by the elbow. “I won’t tell anyone if you do have a boyfriend, promise.”

Nesta hears a ding, and the elevator doors slide open. She doesn’t know whether it’s her floor or Keith’s floor, but she doesn’t care—she’s the first to pull away from him and make an exit. “See you,” she blurts before speedwalking out of the elevator.

Why the fuck did she say “see you”? She doesn’t want to see him ever again. He doesn’t deserve to see her ever again.

Behind her, she hears Keith chuckle again. “I’ll tell Tomas you said hi,” he calls after her.

***

Cassian finds Nesta huddled under a desk.

He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him when he spotted her hurrying out of the elevator on the eighteenth floor of Night Court’s headquarters, but soon enough he realized that yes, that was Nesta’s coat and Nesta’s hair. She was supposed to be back home studying for her first two finals, but instead she was here looking like she was going to be sick.

He was about to follow her when his eyes slid to the man that had gotten off the elevator after her. He didn’t like how O’Connell was staring after Nesta.

“We’re old college friends,” O’Connell shrugged dismissively when Cassian approached him. “I was just saying hi.”

Nesta doesn’t have any friends from college.

Which leads Cassian to a dim, abandoned meeting room, one that would seem fully empty if it wasn't for the sound of strained breathing coming from under the only desk.

He approaches the desk slowly, his worn sneakers coming into Nesta’s line of sight. Pushing the rolling chair away, he crouches down to get a better look at her.

Tinny music comes out of her earbuds, loud enough to drown out any other sounds. She stares past Cassian like she can’t even see him, and the hollowed out look in her eyes terrifies him for a moment. When she blinks, tears spill over onto her cheeks.

“Nes?” Carefully, Cassian reaches out to touch one of her earbuds. After a second of hesitation, he pulls it out and lets it fall.

Nesta sniffles once, then finally turns her teary gaze to Cassian. Her eyes widen a little bit as she croaks, “How did you find me?”

“I followed you. What are you doing here, baby?”

“Um—” Her voice cracks, and she swipes away her tears with the sleeve of her coat. She clears her throat and says, “I came to surprise you.”

“And how’d you end up under here?” Cassian pulls Nesta’s hand away from her face before the scratchy wool can redden her face further. Makeup is smudged around her eyes, and he tries to soothe the sensitive skin there with his thumbs.

Nesta’s other earbud drops out of her ear while he fusses, leaving her with nothing to listen to.

Cassian is quietly, studiously tucking stray hairs back into Nesta’s bun when she confesses, “I was weak.”

“How?” Concern pinches Cassian’s brow. “By crying in front of me?”

“I was completely helpless,” she goes on, her voice numb. “And I didn’t know how not to be that way. I hated it, it’s so stupid.” She tears up again. “I’m not supposed to be that stupid.”

“Tell me what happened,” Cassian demands. He can’t pretend to be patient anymore.

Nesta presses her lips together and stares down at her shoes. Nothing Cassian can think of can prepare him for when she says, “I ran into a friend of my ex.”

So that’s who he is. A frightening calmness settles over Cassian. “O’Connell?” he asks, though he already knows.

Nesta looks up. “You know him?”

He tightens his jaw but nods. “Move over.” Ducking his head, Cassian crawls under the desk to join Nesta. He has to hunch over in half to fit, but Nesta doesn’t seem to mind.

He has to give it to her—it’s not a bad hiding spot.

“What did he say to you?” He tries to sound steady, undisturbed.

“He didn’t need to say anything,” Nesta answers. “I lost my spine with one look from him. He had me under his thumb.”

“I see.” Cassian has made peace with the fact that Tomas Mandray has long since moved away, that he’ll never be able to track the shithead down and make him suffer. What he didn’t know, however, is that Mandray left his friends behind.

“Were you hurt?” is his next question. “Did he touch you?” Cassian doesn’t know what he’ll do if Nesta says yes, but he has to ask anyway.

“I’m not hurt,” she assures him. But her hands rub over her upper arms like she can feel the ghost of a touch there.

“I see,” he repeats. He watches her for a bit longer before stating, “You’re not stupid.”

Nesta’s huff is amused. “Thank you.”

“And don’t spend too much time thinking about O’Connell,” he mutters, nudging her knee with his. “I’ll get rid of him for good.” That is a promise that Cassian is happy to keep.

Nesta looks alarmed. “Like…murder him?”

Cassian laughs. “No, not like that. But you’ll never see him again, so I hope you’ve said what you needed to say to him.”

Nesta thinks for a moment, then nods. “That sounds good. I don’t have anything to say to him.” She inhales a deep breath. “I think I feel better now.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

Cassian holds out a hand to her. “You wanna get out of here?”

She takes his hand and he helps her out from under the desk.

Nesta apparently booked a hotel room in Velaris to surprise Cassian with, but they both agree on the way to the parking lot that they’ve had enough of the city. Cassian chooses to leave his truck behind for Rhys to take care of, and he offers to drive Nesta’s car while she rests.

The ride home is long and quiet.

Nesta sits in silence with her earbuds in, her head leaning against the car window and one of her hands in Cassian’s. He drives with his free hand, sneaking glances over at her every so often just to make sure she really is okay.

It enrages him that someone from Nesta’s past found their way into her place of work. What if he and O’Connell weren’t working in Velaris this weekend, and Nesta bumped into O’Connell in the middle of town instead? It could have tainted any sense of safety she has with the small city she calls home.

Cassian has no plans on telling her that O’Connell is the team leader for the Milan project, or that he rents a small place on the outskirts of their town. Because soon enough neither of those things will be true, and there’s no use in unnecessarily worrying her.

He absentmindedly rubs his thumb over the back of Nesta’s hand.

When they finally pull up to the cabin, Nesta picks her head up from the window to look around. Spotting the other black car parked in the driveway, she makes a sound of disappointment. “Az is home.”

“We can stay in the car if you like,” Cassian offers. He’s in no rush to go inside and face other people, either.

Nesta pulls her heels off, bending over to rub her stockinged feet. “Maybe just for a little while.”

Cassian unbuckles his seatbelt, gesturing for Nesta to put her feet in his lap.

She obliges, looking too tired to refuse him. Cassian runs his hands up her legs and under her skirt, finding the waistband of her sheer black tights and tugging.

“What are you doing?” She jerks under his hands, eyes wide. “The car’s too small for this.”

He narrows his gaze at her. “Chill, horndog. I’m just making you comfortable.” He pulls the tights the rest of the way down her legs and off, freeing her skin.

Nesta gives a little sigh of relief at the feeling of air on her bare skin. She rubs her hands over her thighs in wonder, drawing Cassian’s gaze.

He meets her eyes, and she slowly curls her legs off his lap, tucking them underneath herself instead.

Elated to have Nesta’s undivided attention after two hours of silence, he leans over and slips his hand around her jaw, pulling her in for a kiss.

Her inhale is soft, surprised, before she relaxes against his mouth. Cassian kisses her once, twice, hoping it’ll remind her that she’s safe at his side. That nothing can make her weak.

He’s slow to pull away, and he opens his eyes to find that Nesta’s are still closed, her lips still parted. He stifles a smile and whispers, “I think we should head inside.”

“Mm-hm,” she nods eagerly.

They exit the car, Cassian carrying Nesta’s shoes and tights in one hand and Nesta running over to him barefoot.

He leaves little pecks along her jaw and neck as they enter the cabin, taking extra time to find any moles or beauty marks. She’s about to turn in his arms to face him when they both take notice of Azriel sitting in the living room. Cardboard boxes surround him, and he’s filling them up with books.

Cassian drops Nesta’s heels and tights onto the floor, bringing Az’s attention to him.

“Hey, bro,” Cassian says warily. “What are you doing?”

“Moving out,” Az answers.

Nesta chokes on a laugh. When no one laughs with her, her face drops. “You’re serious?”

Cassian thinks the same thing.

“I’m going back to Velaris,” Az shrugs, dropping some trinkets into a box. “I’m ready to face Elain. I’m taking accountability.” He says it like it’s the simplest decision ever, like he’s talking about bringing an umbrella to a picnic.

“Are you sure about this?” Cassian asks. Just a while ago his brother was terrified at the idea of entering a ten mile radius of Velaris.

“I’m packing, aren’t I?” Az says dryly.

“You’re packing our things,” Cassian points out.

Nesta gasps when she notices. “Hey, those are my books!” She hurries over to snatch one out of Azriel’s hand.

Azriel snatches it back with a dark look. “What goes in the box, stays in the box.”

Cassian sputters in disbelief, looking around at the scene before him. “I mean—can we ask what brought this on?”

“Maybe I did some self-reflection. Or maybe I finally got sick of you and Nesta hooking up while I’m in the same room, like you were about to do now.” Az shrugs, pulling out a roll of packing tape and tearing off a strip with his teeth. “Don’t act like you’re going to miss me,” he continues as he tapes one of the boxes shut. “You two have been waiting for this day for months, and I’m finally granting your wishes.”

Cassian and Nesta share a look, and Cassian says hesitantly, “This isn’t… a breakdown or something, right?”

Azriel narrows his hazel eyes at Cassian.

“Okay, okay.” Cassian holds his hands up in defense. He pulls his hoodie over his head and off in one swift movement and goes over to the couch to help his brother pack. He still doesn’t know what brought on this sudden change of heart, but he knows Az won’t tell unless he wants to.

Nesta remains standing where she is, confounded, before dropping down next to an open box and rifling through it. “I want compensation for anything of mine you’re taking,” she demands, pulling out various paperbacks one by one.

“So like a dime for every three trash porns,” Cassian tells Az.

“I’m upcharging,” Nesta says. Her hand stops rummaging through the box, and she pulls out a framed photo instead of a book. She turns her steely eyes to Azriel. “You can’t have this one.”

It’s a candid picture of Cassian, Nesta, and Azriel on the ski lodge trip. Cassian remembers the moment it was taken with vividness, because it was one of the rare moments on that vacation where all three of them were smiling at the same time.

“Emerie took this,” Nesta continues, “and she’s my friend, so by extent it’s mine.”

Az smiles politely at her. “You’re right, you should keep it,” he says. “You’re too ugly in that photo for me to take it.”

Nesta sneers back, but gets up to reset the photo on the fireplace mantle.

A day or two later, Cassian notices that the ski lodge picture is gone, frame and all. He sighs to himself and hopes Nesta won’t notice.

***

a/n: it’s official less than five parts left!! cassian’s revenge scene is gonna be hotter than every smut scene combined

tagging: @sjm-things @thewayshedreamed @drielecarla @valkyriewarriors @superspiritfestival @aliveahaahahafuck @cupcakey00 @sayosdreams @rainbowcheetah512 @claralady @thebluemartini @nessiantho @missing-merlin @duskandstarlight @lucy617 @sleeping-and-books @everything-that-i-love @cassianscool @swankii-art-teacher @wannawriteyouabook a favor: @awesomelena555 @julemmaes @wickedqueenoffantasy @poisonous-bloom @observationanxioustheorist @gisellefigue08 @courtofjurdan @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @wolfiixxx @cass-nes @seashade @royaltykxx @illyrianundercover @queenestarcheron @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @humanexile @that-golden-lyre @agentsofsheilds @mercy-is-alive @cassiansbigwingspan @laylaameer01 @verypaleninja @maastrash @bow-dawn @perseusannabeth @dead-on-the-inside666 @jlinez @hungryreadingaddict @anidealiveson @planet-faerie @shallowhighwaters @ghostlyrose2 @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @readiajin @nessiantrashh @live-the-fangirl-life @ifinallygavein @xoblivisci @sjmships @jungtaekwoonie-is-life @lysandra-tiara @lanyjoy-13 @post-it-notes33 @loosingdreams @fromthelibraryofemilyj @18moneytoad @dontgetsalmonella @champanheandluxxury @togreblog @arinbelle @ladygabrielli1997 @meridainthedisneyland @moodymelanist @pixieelea @teagoddess99

#ncssianwrites #nesta archeron #nessian #cassian #a favor #nessian fic #nessian au

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snelbz · 3 years ago

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Life As We Know It {Chapter One}

Summary: After the sudden deaths of Nesta’s sister and Cassian’s best friend, they gain guardianship of their nephew, Nyx.

Based on Life As We Know It (2010) and a prompt sent in by anonymous for our Nessian fanfic contest. This is a modern au.

Instead of doing a tag list for this story, we have decided to have a set posting schedule. Chapters will be posted weekly on Mondays and Thursdays. Chapters will be posted on both my and Tara's blogs! >> @tacmc.

Life As We Know It Masterlist

Shelby's Masterlist

Tara's Masterlist

5 years later….

Nyx looked at his birthday cake and the lone candle that was lit atop the icing before looking up at Feyre with a confused expression on his beautiful, little face.

His mother laughed, quietly, before leaning forward and taking out the candle. She had just blown out the flame when Rhys barely pushed the cake closer to Nyx, who put his chubby, little hands smack-dab in the middle of the icing and dug in.

Everyone had come to celebrate, and even Nesta couldn’t stop her smile from showing. At least, she let it show when she was on the opposite end of the house from the one and only, and massively self-centered, Cassian Nazari.

Of course, he would be at Nyx’s first birthday party. He was Nyx’s uncle - maybe not by blood, not that blood mattered when it came to Cassian, Rhysand, and their other lifelong friend, Azriel.

He, too, stood across the kitchen, watching as Elain snapped picture after picture of the jubilant baby, the mess atop his high chair the largest Nesta had ever seen. She knew Elain was taking notes for their own daughter’s birthday party, though she was barely three months old.

Rhysand’s smile was as big as Feyre’s as they watched their son, listening as his giggles filled the kitchen. Nyx realized quickly that the cake was for him alone and after smashing it for a few moments, he lifted a large handful to his chubby face and took a bite. His eyes lit up and that started the giggling anew.

Nesta loved her nephew and niece, had loved him since the day they were born, but she didn’t envy her sisters and their happy families. Unlike them, she had remained perfectly content on her own, especially after the endless string of disaster dates she had been forced to sit through throughout the years.

And children? It wasn’t that Nesta disliked kids. Not all kids, at least. She loved her nephew and niece, anyway. Having one of her own, though? Having to be around one every day? Every night? Having to constantly try and make a tiny person content?

No, thank you. That was a challenge she had little interest in.

A deep rumbling laugh came from across the house and Nesta looked up to find Cassian entering the kitchen, still chuckling at something Mor had said.

As hard as she tried, she couldn’t keep her lip from curling slightly as she looked at him. It only infuriated her more when he caught sight of her as he raised his beer to his lips and winked.

He was absolutely insufferable.

After their catastrophe of a date years ago, which Nesta had made Feyre promise was a stunt she’d never pull again, she had only been forced to be around Cassian Nazari a handful of times.

One of which was during Feyre and Rhysand’s wedding, only months after their date.

“You only have to walk with him for thirty seconds,” Feyre had sighed, while Mor continued to pin and curl her hair into place. “You don’t have to be happy about it.”

“Good,” Nesta said, draining the glass of champagne in her hand. “Because I’m not.”

As Feyre’s maid-of-honor, it was customary that she was supposed to walk out of the wedding arm in arm with Rhysand’s best man. She wished that he’d picked Azriel, but since it seemed the Cauldron hated her, it had to be Cassian.

Elain, who was harboring the world’s most obvious crush on Azriel at the time, was thrilled with how they’d be exiting the wedding. Nevertheless, she said to Nesta, “I think you two got off on the wrong foot. He’s a really good guy, Nes.”

Nesta shot her youngest sister a look of pure annoyance through the mirror’s reflection. “Have any of you ever been on a date with the guy? And not only a date, but the worst date of your life?”

Feyre snorted, fully aware of where this conversation was headed. “No.”

“Then you have no room to talk,” Nesta snapped, admiring herself in the mirror. “Mother’s tits, Feyre, he wore jeans to the nicest restaurant in Velaris!”

“At least he didn’t wear his boots,” Mor muttered, then she caught Nesta’s glare in the mirror. “Really? He wore his boots?”

“He was dressed for an all-night, summer bonfire,” Nesta said, shaking her head. “And he’s completely full of himself. And, he forgot his wallet!”

“Not like you can’t afford dinner,” Feyre said, and Nesta’s lips snapped shut. She was fully aware that the conversation had somehow become a let’s-pick-on-Nesta session.

Feyre added, “You have to walk back down the aisle with him, share an entire table during dinner, and that’s it. No one is asking you to dance with him, but be nice.” Nesta met Feyre’s eyes, her jaw set. Feyre sighed, “Fine, be civil.”

She scoffed, but nodded. “Fine.”

The ceremony itself went off without a hitch. It was beautiful and elegant and the perfect wedding Rhys and Feyre had always wanted.

She ignored Cassian’s unending looks the whole night, managed to give her maid-of-honor speech without snarling at him, and after that, took advantage of the open bar her sister and new brother had so kindly provided.

She was coming out of the bathroom, a glass of wine still clutched in her hand, doing her best not to trip over her own feet when she walked into a wall.

A wall of solid muscle that turned out to be Cassian’s back.

When he turned around and she looked up at him, his eyes were nearly as glazed as hers.

“Hello, Nes,” he said, smirking down at her.

She bit out, “Don’t call me that.”

“That was a pretty, little speech you gave,” he said, leaning against the wall. “I know true love exists cause I’ve seen it first hand. Poetic.”

Nesta scoffed, brushing off the skirt of her dress as if he had tainted it. “Don’t flatter yourself. I wasn’t referring to you. I was talking about Feyre and Rhys, in case you thought otherwise.”

“Oh, I didn’t,” he promised. “Honestly, I didn’t think you were talking about anyone. Just some fluffy shit that sounded sweet. Unless it’s that guy that showed up at the restaurant and ruined our date. Oh, wait,” he began, tapping his chin as if in deep thought, “You dumped him though, right? Poor bastard.”

“You’re a prick,” Nesta bit out. She refrained from saying that Tomas hadn’t ruined their date. It was sad that seeing her ex was one the bright points of her night, rather than seeing the Greek god standing before her. The pretentious, cocky asshole of a Greek god.

He only grinned. “But am I a liar?”

Nesta’s jaw locked. She eyed his tux. “I’m just glad you decided to clean up for your own brother’s wedding. No jeans?”

He scoffed. “Is that the worst you’ve got?”

“Do you prefer me to give you my worst?” she asked, brows furrowing. “If so, you may want to be careful what you wish for.”

Cassian said nothing, just lifted the beer she hadn’t noticed in his hands to his lips.

Nesta rolled her eyes, brushing past him, and made a move to head back into the reception.

His voice called out behind her, “You don’t have to be such a miserable bitch, you know?”

She froze, looking back at him. He was no longer smirking at her. Instead, his eyes were intense. “Excuse you?”

“You’re so miserable that you won’t allow anyone else to have any fun, won’t allow yourself to either,” he said, still leaning against that damn wall. He crossed his arms over his muscular chest, his dress shirt tight and loose in all the right places. “You want everyone else to suffer, just because you’re forcing yourself to, for whatever reason.”

“You don’t know a damn thing about me,” she bit out, stalking back over to him. She was so close she had to look up into his face.

“I don’t,” he said, words clipped. “I tried, but you didn’t seem very inclined to let me get to know you during our date. You were more concerned with my attire and your ex than you were with me. You thought all I wanted to do was fuck you.” His eyes, still glassy and glazed, dragged down her body and back up again. “Besides, you’ve got that damn stick shoved so far up your ass, there wouldn’t have been room for my cock even if I’d really even tried.”

A blink was Nesta’s only reaction. Then her hand was moving of its own accord, splashing her full glass of wine directly in his face and all over that pretty, white shirt.

“Go fuck yourself,” was all she’d said before she walked back into the ceremony, leaving him there to drip on the venue’s fancy carpet.

“Nesta!”

She blinked, Feyre’s voice drawing Nesta out of her memories, looking over at her sister. She stood next to Rhys and Elain, who had her camera in her hands, and Cassian stood behind Nyx’s high chair.

“I want a picture of him with his godparents, come here,” she beamed and Nesta tried not to cringe.

She had been so proud, her heart feeling like it would burst when Feyre and Rhys had asked her to be Nyx’s godmother. There was no hesitation when she said yes, tears lining her eyes as she’d hugged both her sister and brother-in-law.

She tried not to think about the fact that when they’d told her Cassian was his godfather, she nearly asked them to give the distinction to Elain.

But she hadn’t, wouldn’t. Despite what others, especially Cassian, thought of her… Nesta loved her nephew.

She loved her family.

With a sigh, Nesta meandered over to Nyx’s high chair. “Alright.”

“Closer,” Feyre ordered, gesturing Nesta to move in closer beside Cassian behind the high chair.

Nesta’s lips pursed but she took another step toward the boys for her sister’s sake.

“I’m not poisonous, Nesta,” Cassian muttered, smiling at the camera as he spoke. “You won’t burst into flames if we brush arms.”

“You’d be so lucky to brush arms with me,” she muttered back, hoping the smile she was giving her sister was convincing - and knowing full well that it wasn’t.

Without another word, Cassian tossed his arm around Nesta and said, “Cheeeeese!”

Nyx was giggling, looking up at his godparents behind him. There was so much joy and adoration in those big, beautiful eyes that Nesta didn’t have the heart to storm off, leaving Cassian in her dust, no matter how much she wanted to.

The camera’s flash went off and Nesta pushed Cassian’s arm off her shoulder.

The rest of the party was perfect. Feyre took Nyx up to the bathroom to clean him off, while Rhysand, Azriel, and Cassian hauled his many gifts out into the living room. Feyre opened them one by one, despite everyone knowing Nyx had no clue what was going on, though he did clap his chubby little hands and giggle at a few particular items. Nesta stood off to the side with Elain, holding a milk-drunk, sleepy Seph in her arms.

Azriel and Elain’s little girl had been a surprise, neither of them planning on Elain getting pregnant so soon after they got married. They both fell into the role of parents so seamlessly though, that Nesta knew another baby would be in their near future. They adored the baby girl, and she was the most perfect baby Nesta had ever seen.

Persephone hardly cried, only doing so when she was hungry or needed to be changed, and once whatever wrong was taken care of, she became a happy, smiley baby again.

Nyx, on the other hand, had been a hellion as a baby.

Which was to be expected, considering who his father was. Although responsible when necessary, Rhysand was just as much of a madman as Cassian...especially when infused with alcohol.

“You look good with a baby,” Elain crooned from beside her sister.

Nesta rolled her eyes. “You can keep trying to push me down the marriage-baby road, but I just won’t take it. Wasting your time.”

Elain sighed, dramatically, with that little grin remaining on her soft pink lips. “As long as you stay such a good auntie, I suppose I can’t complain.”

Nesta looked down at the sweet, sleeping infant in her arms. She didn’t mind those little snuggles.

She did mind the diaper blowouts, constant spit-ups, and loud crying, though. That’s usually when she gave Seph back to her parents and blissfully enjoyed her independent life.

Feyre gasped and Nesta looked up. She was holding a little guitar that had Nyx’s name and the night sky engraved into the dark-stained wood.

Nesta’s eyes snapped to Cassian.

Cassian smiled, fondly, at Feyre. “I know he won’t be able to start messing with it for another few years, but I couldn't help myself.”

“He made that himself, you know.” Nesta’s eyes shot to Elain, who was watching the scene before them. She whispered again, “He doesn’t do it for a living, of course, but it’s a hobby of his, making guitars. He’s really good.”

She blinked, the information catching her off guard for whatever reason. But all she said was, “That’s nice.”

She spent the rest of the afternoon, ignoring the man as much as she could, as she always did. But as the guests began to dwindle, as Nyx and Seph went down for their naps, the three sisters gathered in the living room, while Rhys, Azriel, and Cassian went out back to inspect the small jungle gym Rhys was building for Nyx. Again, he was too young to use most of it, but the tiny swing and slide would be hours of fun for the little man.

Feyre brought two cups of coffee out to her sisters before collapsing next to Elain on the couch. “That could not have gone better if we tried.”

Nesta leveled her a look and raised an eyebrow.. “If we tried? You had a minute-by-minute itinerary for a one-year-old’s birthday.”

“Everything was perfect,” Elain smiled, cutting off Nesta, blowing on her coffee gently. “Nyx had a good time, neither he nor Seph had a blow-up, Cassian and Nesta managed to be in the same room without stabbing each other. All in all, a good day.”

Nesta rolled her eyes before throwing a vulgar gesture towards her sisters, who were both laughing.

“Fine, new subject,” Feyre grinned. “Oh! Before I forget, Rhys and I are going out of town for our anniversary in a few weeks. I was hoping you could watch Nyx for a few days.”

It took Nesta a moment to realize that Feyre was talking to her. She froze, having been blowing on her own hot coffee. “I’m sorry, what?”

Feyre laughed, quietly. “I was hoping that you could watch Nyx while Rhys and I go away for a long weekend. We’re going to the mountains for our anniversary. To his family’s cabin.”

“Oh, that sounds nice,” Elain said, looking at Nesta.

Who blinked, having only unfrozen to set her coffee down on the table between them. “You want me…to watch Nyx…for the weekend? Alone? By myself? Just me and him?”

“That’s what I was hoping for, yeah,” Feyre said, nodding as she sipped from her cup. “You can come here, where all of his stuff is in one place, and make yourself at home.” She shrugged. “I’ll leave money for takeout and the key to the wine cabinet.”

Nesta hesitated. “I’ve only babysat Nyx a couple of times…all for, like, an hour each.”

“It will be fine,” she said, a genuine smile on her face. “It will only be three nights, really. We’ll leave after work on Thursday and be home Sunday evening.”

Nesta stammered and shook her head. “I have to work on Friday, the restaurant-.”

“I’ll keep him during the day on Friday,” Elain offered. “I don’t have any shoots that day, so he can spend the day with me and Seph.”

“You could keep him the whole weekend,” Nesta tried, looking at her younger sister hopefully.

“Seph is enough of a handful,” she chuckled, glancing at Feyre, who was nodding as well. “I don’t think I can handle two at once for an entire weekend.”

“Please, Nes,” Feyre said, drawing her eldest sister’s eyes to her. “I know you can do it and it would be nice for you to spend some time together, just you two.”

“And you can call me, if you need anything,” Elain added.

Nesta looked from Feyre to Elain. “You two already planned this.” They at least had the wherewithal to look guilty. She sighed, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “Fine. But I’ll probably end up calling both of you every thirty seconds.”

“I can work with that,” Feyre said, just as Elain said, “Then it’s settled!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Nesta snorted, shaking her head. “But, I hope you know that I wouldn’t do this for anybody else.”

“Oh, I know,” Feyre grinned, “which is what makes you such a wonderful, wonderful big sister.”

“I am pretty damn wonderful,” Nesta agreed, grinning as she sipped from her mug.

As she drank, she peeked out the window, where the boys were putting together the playset. Once she did, only one thing caught her eye.

Cassian was already watching her.

And when he caught her gaze, that stupid little, cocky-ass grin appeared.

She hated that grin, hated it with every ounce of her being.

And she wouldn’t feel bad for it, no matter how much her sisters adored the guy.

She hated him, hated Cassian Nazari.

And she always would.

#life as we know it #snacmc lawki #shara #snacmc #nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf

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dottielovegood · 3 years ago

Text

ASMR - chapter 3

Elriel fanfiction

About this fic:

Azriel can’t sleep Elain has an ASMR channel Match made in heaven (or you know, on youtube..)

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You can find chapter 1 here and chapter 2 here Read this fic on AO3

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Chapter 3

Luckily for Azriel, the next day was a Saturday, which meant that he didn’t have to go to work. The only plan he had that day was his gym appointment at 7.00 in the morning, just like every other day. Cassian and Rhys often gave him shit for going to the gym that early in the morning on weekends, but they had partners to enjoy the days with. Azriel did not, which meant that working out was a good way to pass time. Especially for someone like Azriel who didn’t sleep and seemed to have more hours to his days than most regular people did.

However, today he woke up to the sun shining in through his window. He picked up his phone to check the time and was surprised to see that it said 9.23. He never slept that late. And he never slept that well.

She made me miss my gym appointment, Azriel thought to himself and couldn’t help but smile. And then it hit him. It was 9.23. That meant that Flower Girl ASMR would call him in exactly 37 minutes, and he hadn’t even had coffee yet. Azriel quickly got out of bed and hurried to the kitchen. While the coffee was brewing he jumped into the shower. He didn’t know why, but it felt wrong to be on the phone with her without having a shower first. Just like it would feel wrong to show up to a date without showering.

This is not a date, he told himself as he tied the towel around his hips and walked back into his kitchen. Azriel lived in a studio apartment, which meant that his ‘kitchen’ was actually a corner of his living room/bedroom. It was quite big for a studio apartment and he could easily fit his bed, a big sectional, and a dining room table in the room. There were exposed bricks on one wall which gave it a rustic feeling, and the white sleek details everywhere else made it feel modern and minimalistic - just like Azriel preferred.

Azriel leaned against his counter and sipped his coffee. He glanced at the clock on the wall which told him that he had 15 minutes left before the phone call. His hands were sweating. Was it because the coffee was so warm? Azriel tried to tell himself that the coffee was the reason for his warm hands, but it was more difficult to find an explanation for the butterflies in his stomach.

He was nervous. Not because of what they were going to talk about - he could probably guide someone through this in his sleep. But because she made him nervous. It’s one thing to see someone in a video and talk via DMs and an entirely different thing to facetime that person. What if she thought that he was ugly?

As the thought entered his mind, he shook his head as if trying to shake the thought away. Why did he care? He was just helping her with a problem. It didn’t matter if she found him ugly because this was a one-time thing. He would never see her again.

The butterflies turned into a tight knot in his stomach.

Azriel let out a low groan and went to his wardrobe to get dressed. He put on a black T-shirt and black jeans - his standard uniform. He dried his hair hastily with the towel before throwing it in the hamper.

At 10.00 on the dot, Azriel’s phone started ringing on the kitchen island. Or vibrating actually, since he always kept the sound off.

Unknown number is calling

Azriel stared at his phone, suddenly feeling very shy and questioning everything he knew about computers. He checked his reflection in the microwave and let out a deep breath before answering.

“Hello, this is Azriel.” His voice was hoarse, sounding deeper than usual.

“Oh, hi!” A cheery voice said and he was a bit taken aback. In his stupid brain, he had imagined her answering in her whispering voice. “Is this… is this Shadowsinger?”

Azriel decided that her normal voice was just as wonderful as her whispering voice.

“Yeah, this is Shadowsinger. Or well, that’s not my name. I’m obviously not called that. That would be weird…” Azriel babbled, growing more and more self-conscious by the second. He took a deep breath. “I’m Azriel.”

“Hi, Azriel. I’m Elain.” He could hear the smile in her voice and it made him think of sunshine and flowers.

Elain. The name suited her. It was a welsh name that meant fawn. Or at least that’s what Feyre told him one night when she had spent three hours going over possible baby names with their entire friend group (After three hours, Azriel, Cassian, Mor and Nesta had been very drunk and started suggesting weird names from TV such as Khaleesi, Anakin and Buffy which led to Rhys kicking them out.) But Elain wasn’t a weird name. It was pretty. Just like the person that the name belonged to.

“Hello, Elain,” Azriel said quickly when he realized that he had been quiet for a short while.

“Azriel is… an interesting name.” He couldn’t tell from her tone if it was good interesting or bad interesting.

He chuckled. “Yeah, try growing up with the nickname ‘Ass’ in school. Not Az. Ass.”

He could hear Elain laugh and it warmed his heart. “Oh no,” she giggled.

There was a stretch of silence then, both of them unsure of how to begin this.

“So...” Elain started after a few moments. “How do I block words on Youtube, Azriel?”

As soon as the words traveled through the phone, he wanted to ask her to say his name again, but that would be weird. So instead he cleared his throat and got himself into work mode.

“Well, I didn’t know if you were a visual learner, but I created a Youtube account yesterday so I could show you what to do, and you could just follow along if you like?”

God, was he doing too much? Would she find this creepy? Maybe he should just tell her what to do without video.

But to his surprise, Elain did not sound creeped out. “Really? That would be so helpful! How...How can I see your screen though?”

Azriel huffed a laugh. It was kind of cute that she was so oblivious when it came to technology even though she had 250k followers on Youtube.”Well, we’ll change to FaceTime and I will be able to flip the screen and just show you what I’m doing. Is that okay with you?”

He was met with silence.

“Elain?”

“Oh, sorry. I was nodding,” she laughed. “Yes, that’s fine.”

Azriel clicked the icon for FaceTime on his screen and within seconds, her face filled his screen. Her brown hair was in a high ponytail and she wore a mint green hoodie. She wasn’t wearing any makeup and Azriel had to catch his breath. God, why did she have to be so beautiful? He realized that he was staring at her through the screen but his brain wouldn’t form words.

“Hi,” Elain smiled, her cheeks turning pink. “I kind of forgot that we would see each other and not just a screen. Sorry that I look like a mess. I’m going to the gym after this...” She gestured to her hair and Azriel had no idea what mess she was referring to.

“What? You look wonderful,” he said and as soon as the words registered in his brain he wished to be swallowed up by a hole in the ground. He winced. “I mean... I just–” he was making it worse. Lovely. “I just meant that you don’t look like a mess.”

She gave him the sweetest smile. “Well, You don’t look too bad yourself.” She was blushing even more now. Was he blushing too? He had never blushed in his life, so he didn’t even know what that would feel like, but he did feel a bit hot.

Azriel cleared his throat. “So,” he started. “I’m going to flip my screen and film my laptop now. Tell me if you can see what I’m doing.”

“Okay!”

Azriel logged into Youtube and held his phone in front of the screen. “Can you see?” He held the phone in front of his computer, and even though she couldn’t see him anymore, he could still see her.

“Just a second,” she said and held up a finger. She was moving and so was her camera. When she reappeared, Azriel was very happy that she couldn’t see him. She was wearing glasses and they made her, if possible, even more attractive. Her beautiful golden eyes looked even bigger. Like a fawn, Azriel thought to himself.

“Yes, I can see when you have the phone so close to the screen,” she answered.

“Okay, good. Are you near your own computer?”

“Yes! And I’m already logged into my Youtube account.”

Azriel nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. “Great. Then you should see your profile picture here in the corner.” He showed her where to look.

“Mhm, I see it.”

She was focusing so hard on the screen, she had probably forgotten that he could see her. She was leaning in close enough for Azriel to see her freckles.

I want to kiss every single freckle on her body.

The thought entered his brain before he could even react and he was very happy that she wasn’t a mind reader. He tried to ignore her face on his screen and focus on his task.

“You will click the photo, and that should display a menu,” he explained. “Like this. You are going to click ‘Youtube Studio’ here.”

Elain scrunched up her nose in concentration and Azriel thought that he might die from the cuteness.

“Done! What next?”

“Okay, then you click ‘Settings’ at the bottom here,” he showed her where to look. “And then you choose ‘Community’”

“Community?” She asked and bit her lip.

Azriel wanted to bite that lip too.

“Yeah,” he answered, happy that he didn’t have to come up with more advanced words.

“And then you scroll down to ‘blocked words’ here,” he instructed. “Are you there?”

“Yes, I found it,” she answered with a smile.

“Well, aren’t you a gold star student?” Azriel joked and Elain’s face went from smiling to blushing in a nano-second.

“Thank you,” she mumbled.

There was a beat of silence again. Azriel wanted to kick himself.

“What now?” Elain asked in a low voice, still determined to get this over with.

“Well, now you just fill in the words you want to block. Make sure that you separate each word or phrase with a comma. And then you just press save and that’s it.”

“Oh, okay. That was easier than I imagined.”

Silence again.

“Can you manage from here?”

Elain bit her lip again. She was staring somewhere behind her phone; probably at her computer. “Ehm, I’m not sure what words to block.”

Azriel thought back to the awful comments he had seen and could think of a handful of words.

“Well, just block the words that these commenters often use, and maybe block bad words in general? You can review your comments later, so if nice comments are being filtered, you can choose to restore them while deleting the bad ones.”

Elain nodded and Azriel didn’t know if he should hang up or stay. So he stayed. His camera was still facing his computer, and Elain was still filming herself. She looked lost in thought.

“Are you okay, Elain?” Azriel asked cautiously, afraid to startle her.

“Hmm?” She looked straight at the camera now, eyes still glossy.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just… tired. I really like doing ASMR, but this sucks. I just want to make people happy and spread positivity, you know? And still, I have to deal with this.”

“Yeah, that must suck.”

Azriel had a question that he had been burning to ask, but he didn’t know if it was too personal. However, as he told himself before, they were never going to see each other again. He could always ask, and the worst thing he could get was a ‘no, I don’t want to talk about it’.

So he asked.

“Elain, can I ask you something?”

She nodded absentmindedly.

“Yesterday you wrote that you had blocked those trolls multiple times. Are you certain that they’re the same people?”

She nodded again. “Yes. In the beginning, they were a bit more creative with the usernames which threw me for a loop. But I realized that it was the same IP addresses every single time, so yeah. I know. I mean, I get hate from complete strangers too, but these people are a bit more persistent .” The last word was spoken through her teeth. She looked upset, but she also looked like she wanted to hide it. Azriel decided to switch his camera back to his face so she wouldn’t feel as vulnerable. And so he wouldn’t feel like a creep for staring at her.

Elain looked a bit startled. “Oh, hi again,” she smiled, but it wasn’t as genuine anymore.

“Do you know these people?” Azriel asked through gritted teeth. He didn’t know why, but he felt very protective all of a sudden.

“Yes, I do. At least the three people that commented yesterday…” she bit her lip again, probably contemplating if she should tell him more. “It’s my ex.”

Azriel tried his hardest to not look surprised and pissed off at the same time. “All three of them?”

With a surprised look on her face, she shook her head quickly. “Oh, god no. No. Just one. His name is Graysen.”

MortalGraysen. Azriel remembered the username because it had sounded so stupid.

“And the other two?”

She let out a long breath. “His stupid best friends, Amarantha and Hybern. Stupid names, right?”

Azriel could only agree. “Very. Why is he bothering you like this, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Elain took off her glasses and massaged her temple lightly. “I dumped him after he slept with Amarantha and then…” she chewed the inside of her cheek. “Then he told all of our friends that he only slept with her because I was so boring in…'' her cheeks flushed again and she didn’t finish that sentence. She didn’t have to. Azriel understood perfectly.

“Okay, so he really is an asshole then.”

“The biggest.”

“Well, I don’t think you can block IP addresses on Youtube, but you could always try to block their names. It might work for a while at least?” Azriel suggested. He needed to help her.

“That’s smart!” she exclaimed and sat her phone down to type. He was very happy that she had leaned it against something so he could still see her.

“What other words should I add?”

Azriel thought back to the comments he had seen. Boobs, nudes, cock, jerk off and tits were all words that she should block, but they were also words he didn’t feel like saying in front of her.

“Just check their old comments and block the words they have used.”

“I’ve deleted the comments, but I remember a few words.” She typed again and Azriel could tell that she was uncomfortable.

“Hey, just block all sexual words and maybe swear words? That should probably work for a while?”

“Okay.” She typed again while Azriel waited patiently. Honestly, he would probably wait forever if it meant that he could watch her on his screen like this.

He felt like a teenager with a crush on the coolest girl in school. He knew that she was out of his league, but his body had not gotten the memo…

“I think I’m done,” she announced and smiled at her phone. At him.

Azriel smiled back. “Which words did you write?” he asked out of curiosity.

Elain picked up her phone and switched the camera so he could see her computer. In the box for ‘blocked words’ she had indeed written a few words.

Blocked words Graysen, Hybern, Amarantha, Boring, Dumb, Stupid, Weird, Ugly, Penis, Vagina, Sex, Sexy, Breasts, Feet, Ejaculation, Nipple, Damn, Fuck, Darn it, Hell,

“Do you think that’s enough?” She asked him in a low voice as if she was ashamed of what she was showing him.

Azriel had to bite his lip in order to keep himself from grinning. It was kind of sweet that she had written down the more technical terms, and not any words that would actually be used on the internet.

“Well, I think it’s a good start,” Azriel answered. “But I think there are a few more words that you should add. And maybe some you can remove from the list.”

“Which ones can I remove?” She leaned closer to her computer, probably trying to find the redundant words.

“I don’t think that trolls will use Darn it, for example.”

Elain pressed the backspace key a few times.

“And which words should I add?” she asked the screen. Her glasses had slid down her nose a bit and Azriel had an urge to reach through the screen and push them back into place.

Azriel scratched his chin, thinking about the best way to phrase it. “Maybe a few synonyms for the words you have written down?”

“Such as?”

Azriel held his breath. “Well…” Azriel hesitated. Was she serious or was she just trying to get him to say dirty words? “I don’t think that internet trolls will use the word vagina.”

“Oh,” her ears turned a lovely pink color. “So I should just add synonyms for that word then?”

“Sure.”

Elain looked lost in thought for a moment before typing again, this time a bit more aggressively. “There are quite a lot,” she muttered.

“Really?” Azriel could only think of two; pussy and cunt.

“Yes. I googled it.”

Of course, she googled a list of synonyms for vagina. Azriel couldn’t hold back his grin this time. She gave him a look he couldn’t decipher. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing,” he said, still grinning. “Can you read me this list of synonyms?” he teased, thinking that she would tell him to fuck off.

He was wrong.

“Well, there’s pussy, cunt, vajayjay, punani, ho-ha, flower…” she drifted off and Azriel could tell the exact moment it hit her that she was reading these words to a man she didn’t know. “Oh, god,” she groaned and hid her face in her hand. “Please ignore everything that just happened.”

Azriel chuckled. “I rather not. What’s the weirdest word on the list?”

He was invested now.

Elain looked at him through the screen again, but this time he could tell that she was suppressing a smile. “The weirdest one must be fish taco, or bald man in a boat. One just sounds disgusting, and the other one is just… weird? Like, I don’t get it.”

“I think that the ‘bald man’ is supposed to be the...uh,” Azriel could not finish that sentence. He knew that he was blushing now, too.

“Oh,” she said looking surprised, and then disgusted. “Oh, that just makes it worse.”

The laugh that followed was contagious.

As she laughed, Azriel thought back to the day before. To when he had watched her video to fall asleep. In her videos, she was so calm and collected - the complete opposite from this bubbly, laughing person on his screen. Both sides of her were equally fascinating to Azriel and he wished that he could get to know her better. She was so easy to talk to. Azriel never found anyone easy to talk to. At parties, you could find him in the corner with a drink and a good book. He was not a talkative man. But with Elain, he wanted to talk. And he wanted to listen. He wanted her to tell him about her day and her life, which was absurd. They had been talking for like 30 minutes. They didn’t know each other. They would never get to know each other.

“Thank you for helping me with this, Azriel,” Elain said when the laughter had died down. “I really appreciate it. I’m sorry for being a bit weird and reading you that list. I hope that I didn’t cross a line or…”

Azriel held up a hand to show her that he didn’t mind. “It’s no problem, honestly. I can’t remember the last time I laughed this much.”

Elain shifted in her seat and picked up her phone again, moving it closer to her face again. “Just like you couldn’t remember the last time you had slept well?”

For a second, Azriel was truly afraid that she was a mind reader because that meant that she had heard him think that he wanted to kiss all her freckles. And then, he remembered the comment he had left on her video a few days earlier.

“Yeah, just like that.”

She leaned her head to the side and regarded him through the phone. “Is that true? You can’t remember having a good night’s sleep?”

Azriel shook his head. “I have suffered from insomnia since I was a child. Sleep has never been a positive experience for me.”

He had never opened up like this to anyone. His former girlfriend never understood why he was awake and why he hated sleepovers. The insomnia had definitely destroyed a few relationships over the years. He could tell that Elain wanted to ask about it, but she didn’t. He really appreciated that.

“Well, I’m happy that I can help you with that anyway. It makes me feel less horrible for making you help me with this on a Saturday morning,” she said and gestured to her computer.

“You didn’t make me do anything. I offered. I was happy to help.”

She gave him the sweetest smile yet and Azriel was surprised when he didn’t melt into a puddle. “Well, thank you. Can I pay you for your trouble?”

Before she had even finished the sentence Azriel shook his head. “No, Elain. I really don’t want you to pay me.”

“Okay,” she bit one side of her lip again. Those damn lips. “Can I give you something else then?”

Did her tone sound flirty? Azriel didn’t know. He might just be hopeful because he started imagining all kinds of things she could give him.

“Like, maybe you could tell me your favorite trigger and I’ll make sure that my next video includes it?”

Azriel swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling very thick. “You don’t have to do that, I...”

“But I want to,” she interrupted. “What’s your favorite trigger?”

Azriel was trying to figure out a way to tell her that she was his favorite trigger without sounding like a serial killer. “Well, I don’t really know. I like when you whisper,” he tried, and when she smiled and nodded encouragingly, he continued. “Honestly Elain, I have tried to watch other ASMR videos but they don’t make me fall asleep. Your videos make me fall asleep within minutes. Whatever magic you put into your videos, that’s probably my trigger,” he half-joked.

“Hmm,” Elain regarded him. “I’ll figure something out.” She winked at him teasingly and Azriel hated that this was the first and last time he would ever get to talk to her.

“Well, I really have to go,” Elain declared. “I’m meeting a friend at the gym.”

“Yeah, I have to go too,” Azriel lied. He would have canceled any plan he ever had if he could continue this conversation.

“Well, thank you again for your help, Azriel.”

“Don’t mention it.”

She removed her glasses and looked straight into her camera. It felt as if she was staring into his soul.

“Goodbye, Shadowsinger.”

“Goodbye, Flower Girl.”

The call disconnected and he was left staring at his apps. Not a single one interested him.

With a heavy sigh, Azriel walked to his bed. He was planning to lay down and scream into a pillow when he received a text from a number he didn’t recognize.

New message I searched for a few more synonyms, and this one for penis is horrendous. Just listen to this: Meat banjo. Isn’t that just horrible? I’m definitely blocking that word.

Azriel couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up from his chest. It really was a horrendous synonym and he could imagine her sitting in front of her computer, making disgusted faces at the various words on her screen.

New message Oh, this is Elain, by the way.

And that’s when it hit him.

She had texted him and he could see her number. That meant that he could save her number on his phone. It also meant…

Well, he honestly didn’t know what it meant, but he didn’t feel like screaming into his pillow anymore.

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