#‘ yuck! colors are hideous ! ‘

[wampabampa]

Beer cheese & potato skins :>

Bero Boro, your average, oddly stretchy traveling clown! Though alone, this clown can make just about any child grin so hard they just can’t stop smiling!

Bero is an old oc I’ve had for a year or two now that I just never got around to naming. Never knew what fit him! Until last night,,,

Bero is alot like a miserable old man when not stretching himself thin (literally), and they don’t keep up appearances as much as they used too, but who does that at the grand age of 36? Not Bero! Traveling around in his tiny clown car Bero finds himself in a lot of sticky situations, traveling by yourself ain’t that easy ya know! Especially when your car only has room for your trusty honkers, bonkers, and of course you. A loyal patron of Wendy’s, in nearly every state you’ll find a proud picture of Boro. From Arkansas to Rhode Island he hangs (all except Arizona. We don’t talk about what happened in Arizona).

I’m glad I finally got around to giving him an actual pallet. He has had only the stripes of my notebook paper for his outfits :> hooray!

Note: I will mostly drawing him in the cartoony/puppet form until I actually draw his human form and not just do a messy doodle of it

[mediical-trek]

'Bluebird?' Spock gives a polite knock at the door of her quarters before his hands clasp back his back. 'Are you in?'

// From @starfleetsxvulcan (for some Instigator action)

The Inquisitor was currently shoving the knocked out medical officer into her closet- snatching up the uniform that was hung up inside it. Puzzled at the color, the stranger dawned on the hideous garb before pausing putting on the new jacket. Blue eyes darted to the door as they quickly made their glowing facial pattern fade...they appeared even more like their doppelganger. Then again, all the Blondie needed to do was change their facial pattern. Though this voice box.

"Yeah-! I'll be out in a minute!" It took tweaking to get right. The Inquisitor silently applauded herself for getting the voice right on the first try, though now came the tricky part of having to act all sweet. Kind. In order to get some Intel. Yuck. That was something this being wasn't looking forward to...but the mission called for it. Their eyes fall back to the mirror, disregarding their gloves and zipping the uniform all the way up- voice box now hidden thanks to the neckline being more of a turtle neck style.

Snatching one of the hair ties off the desk, they walked to the door and opened it- seemingly not caring about doing their hair in front of...what was his name again? Spock. That's right. Cassie's love interest...or whatever. It made the Inquisitor want to gag, but suppressed it with a smile.

"Do you need something, Mister Spock?" It seemed like such an odd appearance to not see Bluebird with her hair down (despite it not being her).

@starfleetsxvulcan

[hoshi-no-mahoroa]

Chapter 7: Get the Treasure!

It was a hideous mountain that rised to the north of Dream Land, so high that its peak got obscured by clouds. Neither Kirby nor Dedede had ever climbed it before. They climbed up the steep mountain path as fast as they could.

"Piece of cake, piece of cake!"

"This place is no big deal. Waddle Dee must’ve been exaggerating.”

“Oh, look, there's a delicious-looking fruit! Let's eat it!”

"Wait, wait, Kirby. I'm first!"

The two of them fought to get to their feet and jumped on the fruit. However, as soon as they took a bite, they both frowned and started to squirm.

"Yuck! It's disgusting!"

I can't eat this! I have to clean my palate," said King Dedede, dropping the backpack he had been carrying with him and taking out a lunch box. Kirby followed suit. When they opened the lid, their eyes immediately started sparkling.

"Wow! It looks delicious!"

"I was just getting hungry. Let's eat!"

"Onigiri, onigiri!"

The two quickly devoured the lunch box that Bandana Waddle Dee had prepared with all his heart.

"Phew! I'm so full!"

"Ha, that’s sweet, Kirby. I could still eat."

"Me too! I think I could eat ten more lunches!"

The two of them continued their journey, completely unaware that they were climbing a dangerous mountain.

Soon, it was getting dark.

King Dedede said, "Mmmm… I'm getting a little hungry…"

"Me too…" Kirby said with a slightly dented face. "More lunch…"

"Then you shouldn’t have eaten it all in one go."

"But Dedede, you did the same thing."

"Mm-hmm… I should have left half of the box…"

Even if they regretted it, it was too late.

The mountain road became more and more dreary. Their earlier energy gone, their steps grew heavier and heavier.

"Let's take a break, Dedede…"

“We don't want to languish in the mountains like this. Hurry up and get some Green Spider Grass.”

"What kind of herb is Green Spider Grass?"

"According to the apothecary's notes, it's an unusual plant shaped like a spider's web.”

"A plant that looks like a spider's web? That's interesting."

At that moment, Kirby noticed a white netting on a tree branch in front of him.

"Oh! There's something that looks like a spider’s web!"

"Green Spider Grass is not exactly like a spider's web. It's shaped similarly, but has a green color …"

Kirby, however, was already reaching for the white web. When he scooped it up, he immediately let out a disappointed squeal.

"Eww, it's sticky! This isn't a plant, it's a real spider web!”

"I told you that Green Spider Grass is green…"

Just then, a high-pitched voice rang out.

"Intruder found! Intruder found! Prepare for battle immediately!”

"...What?"

Kirby and Dedede were startled. Before they knew it, they were surrounded by a swarm of insects with strong-looking antlers. They were the Beetleys, led by Hornhead, an insect of unusually large build.

"What are you doing here? Have you come to raid our territory?"

"Your territory…?" Kirby said, startled. "No, no. We just wanted some Green Spider Grass…"

“What? You've come to steal our treasure?! That's unacceptable!"

Hornhead waved his horn and ordered the Beetleys around.

"Get them out of here!"

"Yes, sir!”

The Beetleys charged at them.

"Wait, wait, wait!"

Kirby tried to escape, but his path was quickly blocked. King Dedede raised his hammer.

"Get out of the way! Now!"

Kirby shouted, "Dedede, no! Don't fight…"

But it was too late.

Dedede swung his hammer and took out a number of Beetleys. Hornhead became furious.

"The enemy is formidable! Don't let your guard down! Attack with all your might!"

"Yes, sir!"

The Beetleys charged again.

"Aaaaah!"

King Dedede tried to swing his hammer, but the enemy numbers were overwhelming. In addition, Kirby and Dedede were so exhausted from the strain that they couldn't muster their usual strength. Dedede's hammer was stolen, and they were wrapped up in ropes made of twisted spider silk.

Hornhead said with satisfaction, "We have the intruders under control. Throw them in jail!

"Yes, sir!"

The two were dragged off by the Beetleys and thrown into jail.

~~~

Bandana Waddle Dee was getting impatient. The day of the match was approaching. Whispy Woods was left limping.

But Kirby and Dedede hadn't come back.

"I wonder what's going on there. I hope it's nothing bad…  Maybe they got lost… Maybe they slipped and fell off a cliff… Or maybe they got caught by a dangerous creature…"

The more he thought about it, the more anxious he became. He wanted to go and help them right now, but he knew he wouldn't be of any use.

"It's, it's okay. The Great King and Kirby are both very strong. As long as they are together, they won't have to be afraid of any trouble… No way," Bandana Dee said to himself and made up his mind. "Even if the Great King doesn't return in time, we will do what we can on our own. We have to come up with a delicious menu worthy of the Dedede Café!"

Of course, Chef Kawasaki was not to be outdone.

"We have to come up with a menu that doesn't use Whispy Woods' fruit… Don't worry, we have oranges and pineapples. We can make a good number of delicious desserts with those!"

But still, it's a shame.

"Haha… But the recipes using that fruit were the key element of the Kirby Café… It's a shame…" Chef Kawasaki sighed.

~~~

Kirby and King Dedede were slumped in a cramped prison cell. Dedede, lying on his side, said in a sluggish voice, "We've been locked up here for a while. I wonder how much time has passed…"

Kirby answered in a faint voice, "About ten years… Maybe… Maybe more…"

In reality, it was only about three days, but for both of them, it was an incredibly long time, and the inside of the prison was dark, damp, and musty. The only food they got to eat were a few berries. There was no way they could regain their strength with that.

"I wonder how the café competition went," Kirby mumbled, and Dedede laughed helplessly.

"Haha… That sure was a thing. It was a long time ago…"

"I'm sure my café would have won…"

"Nah, I'm pretty sure the Dedede Café won big time…"

"Mmm… That was a long time ago…"

"Yeah… A long time ago…"

The two looked at each other and gave a long sigh of hurt.

"…That's not possible! The competition hasn't even started yet!"

"Of course not! Don't be such a sleepyhead, Dedede!"

"You don't say!"

They were about to start a fight, when suddenly, they both jerked.

Dedede said in a whisper, "...What's…? What's that smell…?"

"It smells sweet… sweet… like fruit."

The damp, unpleasant odor was mixed with a delicious scent. Their eyes that had been glazed over began to sparkle. Just then, Beetley, the watchman, came in with a plate.

"It's time to eat, boys."

Beetley opened the door of the cell and presented the plate. The only thing on it were the usual berries. There was no scent at all.

Kirby said, "Hey, where's that nice smell coming from?"

"Smell? Oh, you noticed. You guys have good noses," Beetley laughed. "We've just finished harvesting the fruit."

"Harvesting…?"

"There are many kinds of fruit growing in these mountains. We insects love sweet fruit. We harvested the best ones this morning and brought them to the pantry…"

Before he could finish his story, he got pushed away by Dedede.

"Wha… What are you doing?"

"Fruit! Fruit!"

"Where is it? I love fruit!"

Kirby and Dedede tried to run out of the cell, but Beetley blocked their way.

"Hey, you can't just leave your cell…"

"Move, move!"

Beetley was easily blown away by Kirby and Dedede. 

The corridors of the prison were a complicated maze, but they had an easy time navigating it.

"This way! I can smell it!"

"I can smell it, too! It smells like fruit!"

The two ran at high speed towards the pantry, which was closed with a thick door. But it was nothing to the fruit-obsessed pair."

"Hey, out of the way!'

"Fruit, fruit!"

They smashed the door with their bodies and jumped into the pantry as if they were rolling.

It was truly a fruit paradise. The crates were filled with freshly harvested, colorful fruits. They jumped onto the crates and threw every bit of ripe fruit into their mouths.

"It's good! It's so good!"

"It's so good! I think my cheeks are gonna pop!"

As they continued to eat, the sound of footsteps came closer and closer.

"There they are! It's the escapees!"

Hornhead, followed by the Beetleys, came running into the pantry. His voice was full of anger.

"What do you guys think you're doing? Get your butts back in your cell!"

However, Kirby and Dedede were too indulged in eating the fruit to hear him.

Hornhead brought down his horn and rushed at them.

"Hey, can't you hear me? I said, get back in your cell!"

Hornhead tried to push Kirby away with his horn. Kirby clung to the crate and screamed with all his might. 

"Don't bother me! I'm trying to eat!"

"Stop resisting, you're going back to jail… Woah"

Kirby opened his mouth and took a deep breath.

"W-wha? Nooooo!"

Hornhead's body floated in the air. The unexpected event caused him to panic.

"What the heck are you doing? Stop putting up a fight …Awwww!"

Hornhead was sucked into Kirby's mouth. The Beetleys were horrified.

"He's been eaten!"

"Oh, he's horrible! Watch out, everybody!"

While the Beetley were screaming, Kirby's appearance changed and he wore a horn-like helmet on his head.

Kirby shouted with great enthusiasm, "Wow, it's the 'Beetle' copy ability! Now I can easily escape!"

Copy abilities are a mysterious power that Kirby possesses, and it allows him to take the abilities of the person he's sucked in and make them his own.

King Dedede had regained all of his energy after filling his stomach with fruit.

"Oh, good job, Kirby! Use your horn to blow all these guys away!"

"I'm not gonna do that. Let's get out of here while we still can…"

"Wait, before we run away, we need three or four or ten or twenty more fruits…"

It was when King Dedede was about to bite into the fruit, a grave voice rang out in the pantry.

"What are you doing? You're making too much noise."

The shivering Beetleys cheered and cleared the way.

"Oh, Master Bugzzy!"

"Master Bugzzy, please help us. Hornhead's been eaten by that thing!"

"What?"

A large insect with a purple body appeared. He had a piercing look in his eyes and a large pair of scissors on his face. It was Bugzzy, the leader of the Beetleys.

Bugzzy said in a gruff voice, "You guys. You are the ones who have come to steal our precious Green Spider Grass."

"Oh, that's right." Kirby and Dedede, who had completely forgotten about the Green Spider Grass, finally remembered their purpose. Kirby explained, "We didn't come here to get lost. We really wanted that herb…"

"You escaped from your prison and ate Hornhead. What an evil bunch. I'll take care of you."

"Wait, wait. We're not here to fight. We just…"

"Let's go!"

Bugzzy rushed toward Kirby.

"Whoa!"

Kirby rushed to avoid it. Bugzzy rammed into the crate and destroyed it. King Dedede, who was busy eating, was blown away.

"Whoa! What are you doing…!"

Dedede growled and tried to fight back, but he didn't have his trusted hammer. He quickly grabbed a piece of a crate and swung it at Bugzzy.

"Uriah!"

"What!"

Bugzzy jumped and dodged, then grabbed Dedede's body with his large pair of scissors and lifted him up.

"Huh?... What are you doing…?"

Not even Dedede could shake this terrifying power. But the moment Bugzzy was about to slam him onto the floor-

"Stop!"

Kirby jumped at Bugzzy with his head held low.

"Horn Flurry!"

He swung his horn and lashed out at Bugzzy, who flinched and let go of Dedede.

"You... ! Intruder!"

Bugzzy moved his scissors wide and turned to face Kirby. There was no way to avoid a fight now. Kirby made up his mind.

"Let's go! Rocket Horn!"

He charged at Bugzzy, flung his heavy body up on his horn and threw him in the air.

"Whoa!"

Bugzzy screamed and fell on the floor with a thud. Kirby quickly jumped and dived on top of him!

"Geez!"

Bugzzy spread his arms and legs and stretched out. Kirby's horn caught his body and he fell back.

"Let's go! Yeah!"

It was the most powerful drop, the Crown Drop!

The fight was over. Bugzzy was thrown away, unable to scream, and his eyes rolled back in his head. The Beetleys gasped for air. Kirby did a somersault and removed his copy ability, causing Hornhead to come tumbling out. He flinched when he saw Bugzzy laying on the ground.

"M-master Bugzzy…! What the heck did you guys do…?"

"Listen to me!" Kirby raised his voice. "We're not here to fight. We're here to get the Green Spider Grass!"

Just then, Bugzzy regained consciousness.

King Dedede held up his fist and said, "Are you still going? I'll be your opponent."

"…No, I'm not. I'm not going to do this anymore…" Bugzzy looked at Kirby with admiration. "You're strong, aren't you? I didn't think you'd be able to take me down…"

"I need a favor."

Kirby told him about Whispy Woods. He added that Dedede had been bitten by the same bug himself.

Bugzzy, who had been nodding and listening, said, "I see… That must have been one of my subordinates." He bowed his head apologetically. "I've heard some people claim to have recently defeated the great ruler of Dream Land. Fools. It's a cowardly thing to do, biting someone while they're taking a nap… I'm sorry. I'll give them a good scolding."

"We need the Green Spider Grass to heal him."

"I understand. Green Spider Grass is a precious herb that is hard to find. That’s why we have protected it as a treasure. But if that's the case, I'll give it to you."

"Really? Thank you!"

"No. I'm sorry for the trouble I caused you."

Bugzzy ordered the Beetleys to bring him some Green Spider Grass. It was a beautiful green, spiderweb-like herb.

Kirby and King Dedede got their hands on the Green Spider Grass they had been longing for, and started going down the mountain in high spirits.

Previous Chapter || Next Chapter

[atrainernamedradish]

This is another list I have been meaning to do for a while. Glad I waited to do this one as well because this would also differ slightly due to Generation 8 being a thing. I’d like to make it clear that this is my personal list on the off-chance that anyone’s favorites might be on this list. Also, I’d like to add that I won’t be putting Pokemon on this list who have shinies that you can barely tell a change in since that has been overdone on various lists way before mine. So without further ado…

Top 10 Least Favorite Shiny Pokemon:

10) Appletun 

...really? Did we really have to go with the obvious green apple color scheme in place of the red? It wouldn’t have been so bad if, oh I dunno, the Pokemon’s body was already green! *sighs* If you’re going to change the apple to a color similar to the body then at least change the body’s! Or maybe not go with that color for the apple? I just hate how boring this shiny is as well as how all that green just sort of blends in.

9) Chandelure

What happened with this shiny? It went from this cool ghostly color scheme to… these awful warm colors. Don’t get me wrong. I LIKE warm colors, but this was just a little much. I think they should have gone with a blue or maybe a red instead of the orange so it didn’t look as silly? Also not a fan of how it’s little face/body becomes this sickly pastel green, like why? Also, I just noticed that it’s “metal bits” are actually different as well. Never noticed that… 

8) Guzzlord

My biggest issue with this shiny is the fact that you can barely see its eyes on its stark white body. The eyes are that same bright “Tron” blue which doesn’t work well with how brightly white the body is so you kind of lose it, or in my case if you can see the eyes, hurts my own eyes trying to get a good look at it. I’m also not fond of that dark orange they put in place of the yellow (and for the record I like orange before anyone says otherwise). It’s just a messy color scheme on an already messy Pokemon design. I just don’t like it.

7) Politoed 

...what were they thinking with these dark and bright cotton candy colors? Don’t get me wrong, y’all, I like cotton candy colors, but only if they are pastel shades. Not this bright shit! If they just lightened the colors I’d think I’d like this shiny more.

6) Krookodile

I don’t hate the colors on this shiny, they just don’t fit this shiny is all. The Pokemon goes from looking cool to downright silly. On the fly I can’t think of what colors would make it look better, but anything else would be better by this point (well maybe except all those ugly sickly greens most of the Generation 1 and 2 Pokemon were given, yuck)...

5) Flaaffy

I know I said I wasn’t doing barely noticeable shinies, but this one has bothered me since I was a kid, and it wouldn’t be right not having it on the list. First of all, I’d like to say that the shiny is a better shade of pink. However, you don’t notice that the pink is different since it is already pink. I also didn’t notice until years ago that the little bulb on its tail does change colors in the shiny.  Overall this shiny is just lazy. You’re telling me that it couldn’t have been, oh I dunno, yellow since its pre-evolution and evolution are those colors in their normal forms? That would have looked nice and fit with how they become pink in their shinies, but nope, we got a slightly new shade of pink and tweaked fluff and a light bulb change, if you even notice the changes. Also, when I noticed the bulb was a different color, I initially thought that was all they changed on the shiny.

4) Solgaleo

Normally out of the Sun & Moon mascots I prefer Solgaleo, but in their shiny forms Lunala is the superior one. Why is that, you may ask? Because it's the blood moon! But what does Solgaleo get? A bright ass sunburn! Why?? He looks so stupid! (I know those two are genderless in game, but in the Pokedex entry it states that Solgaleo is male and Lunala female.) I feel like there were so many other things they could have done with this shiny instead of just painting the entire body a bright ass red! I hate it.

3) Dragonite

For those who have gone through my blog (I’d say following me but if I have followers I’ve never noticed and that’s because I don’t think I’m good enough to have a following, if I’m being honest) or personally know me, know that I am not a big fan of regular Dragonite. So when we got this hideous shiny it just didn’t help its case… Shiny Dratini is so cute with that nice shade of pink and the shade isn’t even that bad on Dragonair after evolving it, but why would I evolve it further to turn such a good color into this horrid one Dragonite has? Green shinies already have a bad reputation for being too bright so why did someone think making it this… dark yet dull was a good idea? ...I guess at least the insides of the wings aren’t such a bad shade of purple. It’s just so ugly and I despise it. 

2) Mismagius

This shiny is absolutely disgusting. Why would you choose these colors?? It looks like the poor thing has been soaking in a swamp or the sewers! They could have gone with any other color. I mean, it has a witch motif, so they couldn’t have gone with black or something equally as dark? I would never want a shiny of this because it’s just horrendous! And it’s pre-evolution shiny is equally suffering. Just bad color choices.

1) Shiinotic

I’ll just come right out and say it: it’s shiny colors are piss yellow and shit brown. You could have gone with an autumn color scheme or, hell even the bright green color scheme since the Shiinotic line is supposed to have some bioluminescence thing going on, but no. They went with the “your plant looks dead” look! I already hate the Pokemon (least favorite fairy type) and then we get this poor excuse for a shiny when I thought we couldn’t do worse colors like Mismagius, but Generation 7 had to prove me wrong. It’s ugly, disgusting, and thanks I hate it.

[mihanada]

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

(back to masterpost)

There is a lot going on in this chapter that is both immensely satisfying and extremely creepy.

And this arc is so tiny! Only two parts, I believe.

Chapter 61: Evil (Part 1)

Alright, this is not quite as gross as the Xuanwu chapter for me, but just in case anyone forgot, this novel is not for the faint of heart. The levity distracts from the heaviness of the rest of the content for you to also forget about the gross bits until they come up again and hit you in the face. This novel strikes a nice balance between all of these elements, which is nice.

“It’s been three months since I threw him into Burial Mound. Why are you still having dreams of him? Just how many times has it been?!”

IT SERVES YOU RIGHT!!!

Up until the icky stuff happens, that ^ is what I was whispering fiercely the entire time.

“How could it be possible? Before this, how many cultivators have our sect sent to clean Burial Mound up? Did any one of them come back alive? Now that he’s been thrown inside, his corpse has probably rotted away already.”

Whose bright idea was it to create a great big mound of CORPSES. It got so bad that everyone you sent to clean it up dropped dead. Seriously, you would think cultivators would not let something like this get that bad. Obviously they had wanted to do something about it a while back, so why didn’t someone clean it up before it became a literal hellhole...

“The people who died in Burial Mound, all of their souls would be shackled there.”

Apparently this is a thing, too.

“What Sunshot Campaign? Some Sunshot it is. Want to shoot down the sun? Dream on!”

YOUNGEST SHIDI YOUR LEGACY IS HERE.

“Wang LingJiao felt wronged, but she felt hatred as well. She put down the teacup. Fixing her hair and her robes, she walked outside with a smile.

Just as she went out the door, the smile on her face faltered.”

I’ll take this opportunity to say that I appreciate the small attempt to humanize Wang Lingjiao here. I appreciate the disintegration of hers and Wen Chao’s relationship even more, but. xD

She was one of those typical bitchy villains, but hey, at least she wasn’t totally dumb and naive enough to believe without a doubt that Wen Chao would continue adoring her. She hoped, but when it was clear that he had enough of her, she also decided it was best to derp off.

ooh the pieces are finally falling into place! Wen Xu being beheaded was mentioned during Nie Mingjue’s flashbacks.

“When they emerged under the banner of the ‘Sunshot Campaign’, nobody took them seriously.”

I wish we could’ve seen this thing form instead of after the three month time skip, but oh well.

“However, three months later, the circumstances didn’t turn out the way they expected them to at all!”

and they managed to turn the tables without demonic cultivation meddling! though that probably helped immensely, later in this chapter.

“There was none of her beloved treasures, only a pale-skinned, curled-up child!”

I’m actually wondering what the hell this was. Was she hallucinating? But it ends up in the room later...

What matter of demonic cultivation is this?? xD

it’s delightfully creepy though a bit cliche. want horror? go straight for the creepy babies.

“A white-colored child lay prone under her bed, staring into her eyes.”

what is happening, seriously

“Wen Chao shouted. He unsheathed his new sword and sliced at her, “Go away! Get lost!”

“new sword”

I appreciate that the author remembered he lost his back in the cave. xD

“Wang LingJiao’s shoulder had been gashed by the sword. Her features were even more twisted as she shrieked, “Ahhhhhh… It hurts, ahhhh… It hurts, ahhhh!!!”

the, uh, creepy and disturbing part is that she’s not actually dead, yet acting almost like a corpse being controlled (we know this isn’t going to happen yet though, since mr. Ghost General was the first).

“On the ground, Wang LingJiao had already picked up one leg of the stool, frantically stuffing it into her mouth, laughing as she did, “Fine, fine, I’ll eat it, I’ll eat it! Haha, I’ll eat it!”

I’m wondering what and how she is compelled to do this by...? It’s definitely something to do with demonic cultivation, and it’s a no-brainer who is responsible.

However, getting her to literally eat a chair leg is pretty impressive. 

“Wen Chao was almost dead from the shock.”

hahaha I was also all ??? at this point. what is going on, how-

“Each carrying their cultivators, they flew on their swords in silence.”

notice that? notice it?

a certain someone who lost their golden core can suddenly fly again...

we should all wander a nameless mountain blindfolded for 7+ days

“Two months ago, the Two Jades of Lan cooperated in a surprise attack with Jiang Cheng.”

That’s pretty impressive with just three of them.

“Jiang Cheng looked at him, as if surprised that he had suddenly asked about Wei Ying. He answered, “No.”

hahaha we all know why he asked about Wei Ying...

To Jiang Cheng though, it probably is a little random.

awww Jiang Cheng is toting his sword around though...

imagine if things didn’t work out and he never got to give it back hahahaha. well, Jiang Cheng, things have pretty much been shit for you, but at least that worked out.

Like, I guess these are objectively gross. xD not enough to squick me, but yeah, pretty nasty.

However, having recently read a novel that truly had a gratuitous amount of violent, bloody, and disgusting deaths, GDC has a good balance. It’s not exactly for the shock factor, nor gratuitous. Gross, yes, but not to a pointless degree.

I’m wondering how they all died in a different manner though. We’ve never gotten to see demonic cultivation used in this way yet.

I like the bit of mystery behind it.

“She had killed herself by forcing herself to swallow the stool leg into her stomach.”

So yeah, it has to do with controlling people. They’re not dead yet when they controlled though.

“Jiang Cheng turned the corpse’s twisted face over. After he had scrutinized it for a while, he gave out a cold laugh. Holding the stool leg, he shoved it into her mouth, somehow managing to stuff the half that had been outside into her body as well.”

We’ve reached the point that Lan Wangji didn’t comment on this. Yeah, he was inspecting the talismans, but you can’t say he didn’t notice Jiang Cheng shoving a stool leg down a corpse’s throat.

this, was kind of a yuck moment.

But can you blame Jiang Cheng after the shit these people put him through. and she’s dead anyways.

“These brushstrokes were the ones that entirely changed the pattern of the talisman. Now, looking at it, the talisman stuck to the door seemed to be the face of a person, smiling eerily.”

someone has been busy~

“Jiang Cheng was shocked, “Talismans… could attract evil? I haven’t heard of anything like it.”

yes you have, once, in speculation, two years ago!

“Jiang Cheng, “Then who could this person possibly be? Amongst all of the renowned cultivators, I haven’t heard of any who can do such a thing.

Immediately after, he continued, “But no matter who they are, it’s fine as long as their objective is the same as ours—to kill all of the Wen-dogs!”

oh, jiang cheng.

“Jiang Cheng snorted, “Dark? In this world, could there be anything darker than the Wen-dogs?!”

Oh, you say that now, Jiang Cheng...

It is quiet funny and such a part of human nature for this to occur though. “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” and once the Wen sect is no longer around as a common enemy...

“This person had to be Wen Chao. But how did Wen Chao’s voice become like this? So thin and so sharp, it didn’t seem to be Wen Chao at all?”

I mean, this is terrible and all, what happened to him but you can’t help but feel a bit of satisfaction as well. that’s what you get for terrorizing everyone and murdering basically an entire clan!

I’m amazed Jiang Cheng managed to find people to recruit at all in those three months, actually.

“Wen ZhuLiu appeared to be indifferent, “Perhaps.”

those are some words of encouragement, Wen Zhuliu.

never go to Wen Zhuliu for comfort, ever.

“Wen ZhuLiu, “You need ointment. Or else you’ll be dead for certain.”

Practical, though. And oddly loyal. What is with this guy? Though, at this point, even if he abandoned Wen Chao, his life would still be on the line. All he would have is some more time to run.

“Wen ZhuLiu peeled off the bandages layer by layer, revealing the skin of the bald man. On the face, scars and burn marks scattered without order, making him look as if he’d been cooked. Ugly, hideous, they couldn’t see at all the shadow of whom he used to be!”

What in the world happened???

We better find out what demonic art thing is responsible eventually. xD

“Don’t cry. Or else the tears would make the wounds fester and worsen the pain.”

Well that sucks. They are burn wounds, though.

“Suddenly, Wen Chao shrieked, “The flute! The flute! Is it the flute?! I heard him play the flute again!”

Wen ZhuLiu, “No! It was the wind.”

I guess his flute can do more than control corpses.

“Seeing this, Jiang Cheng remembered what a plight he and Wei WuXian were in the day when they fled. The didn’t even have any food. Such a situation was karma indeed!

Heart filled with joy, the corners of his curled lifted and he broke into mad but soundless laughter.”

can you see the current Jiang Cheng in him now.

after what happened to his sect, it was just a downward spiral from there....even though he’s got his cultivation back, the experience and trauma altered his personality forever.

Everyone is unhinged in this chapter omg. Lan Wangji and Wen Zhuliu are the only sane ones.

“He threw the bun away and screamed, “I’m not eating meat! I’m not! I’m not! I’m not eating meat!”

Geez, what happened to you??

“No no no, Wen ZhuLiu, Brother Wen! Don’t go, don’t leave me behind. If you can take me back to my dad, I’ll let him promote you to the highest level guest cultivator! No no no, you saved me, so you’re my brother—I’ll let him recognize you into the main clan! From now on you’ll be my elder brother!”

what an asshole. this is the only guy who is willing to stay by your side and strong enough to do so, he could have just ditched you and taken his chances running but instead he is lugging your sorry ass around for some reason.

Come to think of it, Wen Zhuliu has a pretty abhorrent ability that is NOT classified as demonic cultivation. But perhaps that’s the reason he ended up with the Wen Sect. Who else would want to be associated with such a horrible ability? Only those with the power to suppress all opposition and no care for morals.

“Wen ZhuLiu stared in the direction of the stairs, “There’s no need.”

Once again, never go to this guy for pep talks.

“The pair of palms, on the other hand, was bare, without a single finger on it!”

It’s amazing he’s still kicking (...well...) actually.

“The person slowly walked upstairs. He was covered in black. With a slender physique, he had a flute at his waist, hands behind his back.

However, when the person strolled up the stairs and turned around, smile on his face, Lan WangJi’s eyes opened wide, having seen those bright features before.”

GUESS WHO.

(quotes from ExR’s translations)

← back・onward →

[abutterflyobsession]

Things You Said When You Were Crying

@ankewehner prompted (art school au universe. Baby Fluff)

“But why?”

“I don't know why! I just do!”

“Dawn, I am not letting you eat dirt!”

“I didn't say I was going to! I just said I wanted to. You asked me what I was craving and I told you it was weird. And I don't want to want to. Why would I want to eat dirt? Yuck. Especially when the neighborhood cats use our yard as a litter box.”

“Okay, okay,” Sunny took his wife by the elbow and gently guided her back into the armchair.

It wasn't just an armchair. It was The Armchair, always referred to with strong feelings of importance. It was a hideous piece of furniture, a painful shade of cheap mustard and blotched with a pattern that may have been intended to be flowers, but that was only a guess. The pattern was possibly colored an orange-red. It was hard to be sure and Dawn and Sunny had spent slower evenings arguing whether it was orange, red, or some new color previously unknown to humankind.

The only virtue of The Armchair was that Dawn was comfortable in it. Six months pregnant, Dawn found most furniture unsuitable in either comfort or size, and only the wide squashy shape of The Armchair let her settle down and relax.

“Why did we decide to have triplets?” Dawn asked, sounding worn out even though it wasn't even past noon yet, “We should have just had them one at a time like sensible people.”

Sunny sat on the arm of The Armchair and put an arm around his wife, “I don't think we actually decided this. It was an unavoidable quirk of fate, glitter angel.”

“Ugh,” Dawn rubbed her stomach, crumpling up her sunflower print maternity dress, “I shouldn't complain. The poor little birds are the ones who have to share such a crowded living space.”

“Maybe that will help them be okay with sharing a room when they're older.”

“We can hope.”

“Okay,” Sunny squeezed Dawn's shoulders, “about the dirt craving . . .”

“Oh, just forget about that. I'm so embarrassed.”

“Hold on,” Sunny took out his phone and typed in a search with one thumb, unwilling to let go of his wife, “I'm looking up what sort of things are in dirt. Maybe we can find a tastier substitute for my sugar muffin.”

“You're the best husband in the whole wide world, Sunny Bunny.”

“I do my best, sunshine. You're doing all the heavy lifting.”

Dawn put her head on Sunny's leg. Her hair had been washed but not styled, leaving it more poofy than curly so her usual blonde sun rays were replaced by a soft roundness. Sunny played with the soft ends while he searched google for dirt substitutes.

“Oh no,” Dawn said suddenly.

“What, what?” Sunny dropped his phone and grabbed Dawn by the shoulders as she sat up. Tears were pooling in her blue eyes and her lips were trembling, “are you okay? What's wrong? Do you hurt somewhere?”

Several tears slid down Dawn's reddening face before she said in a choked voice, “I think—I think my craving just changed.”

“Oh? Oh! Okay,” Sunny tried not to laugh as he grabbed a box of tissues. Tissue boxes had been scattered around the house just for such occasions, “that's fine. What do you want? Not concrete or asphalt, I hope.”

Dawn let out a sob as Sunny wiped her face, “I want blue cheese.”

“Blue cheese?”

“Y-yes. Like, the worst, most barnyardy blue cheese you can find,” she gulped in a breath and let it out as another sob, “with—with honey!”

“Okay, that's totally doable, sparkle cookie. Don't cry.”

“I don't want to cry. It's just happening!”

“I know, I know,” Sunny took her in his arms and rocked her back and forth as best he could from his seat on the arm of The Armchair, “you cry if you need to. Want to go sit in the nursery? That always makes you feel better.”

“Y-yeah.”

Sunny was shorter than his wife, but he had always been able to lift her easily and even with the addition of triplets he had no trouble transferring her to the couch. The Armchair was moved to the nursery and Dawn reinstalled in it.

Dawn and Sunny had been painting the walls to look like a bright and sunny landscape. Bog and Marianne had turned up their noses at it, saying it had no character. Dawn and Sunny held the opinion that just because it wasn't covered in splatters didn't mean it wasn't art.

Blue skies and soft rolling hills spread across the walls. They had been using references from Studio Ghibli films which always had such a soft, comforting feeling. Dawn had been painting the three little birds, both a reference to their favorite song and their nickname for the triplets.

Three white cribs were in place and soft toys filled the shelves to bursting except where there were stacks of children's books and empty photo albums. An envelope of ultrasound pictures were tucked away in a drawer, ready to be scrapbooked along with all the inevitable baby photos. There were months left before the babies were expected but Sunny always carried his camera everywhere just in case. He didn't want to risk missing taking pictures of the triplets' first day in the outside world.

Dawn sobbed while hugging a yellow stuffed bunny, “I'm just so happy!”

“Me too, glitter angel, me too.”

“I love everything so much! I love this room, I love you, I love our babies, I love this bunny! I even love that horrible foam skull Marianne gave us!”

The emotion Dawn felt over the skull overwhelmed her so much she was beyond words. For several minutes she cried into Sunny's shoulder. When she regained the ability to speak she said, “Oh, freckle-speckles, everything is just wonderful, I can't take it.”

“Want me to stay, or get your barnyardy blues?”

Dawn snuffled, “I've got tissues and a bottle of water and I'll probably swing up into hyper housewife soon. Don't stay away too long or we'll be flooded with cookies.”

“Don't worry, our neighbors love taking the excess. Just don't scrub the tub or anything like that. Chemicals aren't good for you.”

“I'm feeling oatmeal cookies. I don't want to eat them, but I really want to make them.”

“Okay, have a nice cry,” Sunny kissed her lips, tasting salt from her tears, “I'll be back in a jiffy.”

“Bye-bye. Drive safe. I love you, honeybunch.”

“Love you too, sugarpie.”

[zip001]

coach

inspired by the picture reblogged in https://zip00198704.tumblr.com/image/162613934714

sorry in advance for the rushed (and yet incomplete) ending. i decided to post but will likely tinker with it more (maybe).

for awesome mlle karen - hopefully this bit of fluff will make her smile!

——-

Goodness, not only were her shorts a horrid bright purple color that did nothing for her pale long, gangly legs (her nan clicked her tongue, telling her that she looked like a wobbly filly) but she had the worst PE teacher in all of the universe! She so wanted to be in Ms. Brienne Tarth’s class but just missed out, being first in the wait list.

It was destiny her traitorous mind told her. Coach Clegane was Robb’s and Jon’s PE teacher last year, their senior year, and the years before he taught PE in elementary school for all of her younger siblings. Her siblings were all athletes unlike herself but all shuddered when they talked about the Coach, saying that he was the absolute worst. He even rolled Arya up in one of the paddings like a burrito because of her bad attitude.

Sansa tried to blend in with the other waiting students but she was a good foot or two taller than everyone, even the guys who all called her giraffe (or worst). She hunched down even though she heard her mother’s voice in her heqd reminding her to have good posture and be poised.

When the gym door swung open, the biggest man she ever saw stomped in. He looked them over and then down his clipboard. He looked straight at her, and Sansa tried to not flinch at his scowl. It was her turn to be tortured. Jon and Robb told her of their class running laps for a whole month because Theon made fun of the Coach’s gruesome scars and everyone snickered.

Suddenly Coach Clegane shouted that there would be no talking, no gum chewing and no laughing in his gym. It was his rules or detention, no bloody exceptions. He sneered and glared at Joffrey and Margaery who were holding court on the side, both from wealthy families but were not “titles” like herself or Dany Targaryen, who hung with goths. Hunching further down, Sanse held her breath and hoped he forget about her.

“Stark!”

“Get up here! I want you to climb that rope and ring the bell. Then you come down slowly and in control. Show the class how it is done.”

Sansa heard snickerings from Joffrey’s crowd as she walked towards Coach Clegane and the dreaded rope. Staring at the bell that seemed so far away, she wiped the sweat from her hands on those hideous shorts. She gulped, praying that she would not fall.

He got close to her, and he told her that the key was using her legs. She got it.

Her body was shaking when she was slightly above the mid-way point.

“Stark, push, push with those legs!”

Sansa knew that her sister, Rickon and especially Bran probably shimmied up the rope like monkeys. Both her elder brothers would have no problems she was sure. She couldn’t quit even though she felt her grip slipping. She had to do it! She was a Stark.

“Stark, you are almost there! Rest your arms using your feet, your legs should do most of the work!”

She wanted to cry as she felt she could not go on! But every time she heard his growly voice exhorting her forward, she surged up. Up. Sniffle. Up. Sniffle. Up.

“The bell! Stark!!!”

It was there, just within her reach. She barely saw it, through her tears. Her long arm waved at it and the ding was the sweetest sound she heard. Sansa almost giggled in relief until she made the mistake of looking down. She was gonna die!

“Stark! Hand over hand down, use your feet to slow your descent.”

Frozen still with fear, Sansa thought of all she wanted to do, that she wished she told Arya that she was not horse faced but kinda cute in a way, that she wanted to kiss a true prince, that she wanted to -

“Stark! Down! Down! Hands! Feet! Hands! Feet!”

When Sansa thought she could not go on and started to slide down, she was easily plucked from the rope and gently put down by the Coach, with his large body blocking her from the class. Sandor grunted in her ear that she did good, that she should not psych herself out. Wiping away her tears, she nodded as he looked at her raw red hands as she slid down the last few feet. Up close, Sansa thought his scars would be more hideous but all she saw was the concern and pride in his brown eyes. He rubbed her hands with his large thumbs, muttering no broken skin, that’s a good thing.

It was weird but she could not help but sniff him, wrinkling her nose at the smell of smoke that permeated off of him even though he had a lot of cologne on. She shook her head, thinking that was an unhealthy habit, that as a gym teacher, he should know better, that smoking would shorten his life. But she thought better to voice her concern, as it was unsolicited and rude if she said anything. She was her mother’s daughter.

“Starks never give up,” he grunted approvingly. “Baratheon, what are you laughing about? Get up here!”

“Baratheon, you call that climbing! Move it! Not so easy, eh, now that you are on the rope.”

“Pathetic! Just pathetic!”

When she got back to her friends, they quietly cheered her and then giggled at Joffrey’s failed attempt but she saw and heard nothing but Coach Clegane in his yellow track suit that she originally agreed with Myranda that it made him look like a Guido but now she saw was like a golden armour and heard his low rumbly voice that seemed to go through her body.

Her teachers (with the exceptions of maths) had always praised her academic accomplishments but somehow it meant so much more coming from his scarred mouth. She knew that he was not one to praise and yet he exhorted the class to be like Stark, not give up. Every time he said Stark, he would look at her and nod, making her stand taller. She was a Stark.

And she was so lost in her thoughts that Jeyne had to push her as Coach Clegane made them all run laps the last ten minutes of class.

Sansa no longer dreaded PE and stood in the front. But unlike the first day, he did not call on her first. She was not the top student in the class but she tried her best, each time doing much better than she expected, especially with his shouting her last name, telling her that she could do it.

And her confidence grew. Instead of crying when the cool kids teased her, trying to shrink and hide, she stood up to them until they stopped bothering her and her friends. It was fun mocking them using words Joffrey and his goon friends did not understand. Sansa shook her head in disbelief that she once thought Joffrey was cute (ugh!).

She blushes, thinking of how her heart raced when she saw the tuff of black hair that sprouted out of the Coach’s gold track suit. Was he wearing anything underneath his track suit other than his gold chains? She dared not to lower her eyes downward as that would be untoward, but did peek surreptitiously at his tight buns whenever he turned around.

She almost died of mortification the day they learnt first aid. As she was practicing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, she kept imagining that it was Coach’s lips! Oh, how sweet that would be! If only he was not her teacher, if only she was older, if only she was not this awkward gangly “ginger” scarecrow who just got her braces and was bloated with her period, if only.

She heard him bark at the boys next to her who were sniggering as Joffrey pretended to French kiss (so much tongue and those wormy lips - yuck!) the male-ish (no dick as Myranda checked) mannequin. Coach called Joffrey and his followers dumb shits and made them run laps, threatening them that they would run laps all of next class if he heard another word from them.

“Word,” Joffrey loudly said.

“Fucking high step the bleachers!” the Coach barked. She heard the boys groaned - that was the absolute worst!

Then the Coach came behind her which made her blush like mad.

“Stark, long, deep breaths. Tight seal.”

She pressed her lips onto the mannequin’s lips, deeply inhaled, and then everything went blank.

When she opened her eyes, she say his eyes looking sadly at her. She was lying down on the bed in the school nurse’s office.

“Stark, I-I was too tough on you. I realize that now.”

“Sansa,” she whispered.

“What?”

“My name is Sansa.”

Coach smiled, shaking his head.

“Sansa.”

When his deep voice spoke her first name, Sansa shivered and could not help smiling at him in adoration.

Coach froze at that and slightly pulled away.

“I’m not what you think I am - I’m no hero.”

“You are to me.”

——-

So my muse (mlle karen) thought of an awesome ending for this piece (much better than anything I could imagine):

Seven years later, he doesn’t recognize her.

She says “I’m Sansa. Sansa …”

His eyes get huge round and blurts “STARK!!”

[smoothshift]

Ownership Review: 2019 Toyota 86 via /r/cars

Ownership Review: 2019 Toyota 86

I purchased my Toyota 86 brand new in Dec 2018 after I got fed up with my 2011 Chevy Cruze's horrible reliability and traded it in. After nearly 7 months and 12k miles, I figured I'd share my experience with it so far.

Other Cars I've Owned

2007 Honda S2000

2008 Honda S2000 CR

2009 Chevy Cobalt SS coupe

2011 Chevy Cruze Eco (yuck... It's weird that I still miss this car, even though ownership of this PoS was stressful. I just get too attached to cars that I own!)

Other Cars I Considered Buying

ND Miata: I couldn't justify owning a two-seater as my commuter.

Mustang Ecoboost: I love the Mustang, but I wanted something a bit more unique. I see Mustangs everywhere every single day. This isn't to say that the 86 is a rare car, but compared to a Mustang, it certainly is. I also decided that I wanted something lightweight, and with the Mustang Ecoboost pushing past 3500 lbs, it just wasn't for me. One more thing I considered was cost of insurance. My 86 costs me $94/month for full coverage insurance through Mercury Insurance. I was quoted $280/mo for full coverage on the Mustang Ecoboost. I didn't even bother getting quotes for the Mustang GT's insurance.

Nissan 370Z: See FD Miata. The fuel economy and curb weight were also not what I desired, although the car has plenty of power to keep a person entertained for years.

Honda S2000: 😥 I want another one so bad, but again, see FD Miata.

BMW 335i: questionable reliability, 3500+ lb curb weight, and expensive maintenance costs drew me away. With insurance also being a major factor, this car wasn't for me.

Honda Civic Type-R: none of the dealerships in SoCal would sell the car for MSRP or anywhere close to it. The cheapest markup was well over $5k. One dealership even quoted me $48k otd for a Type-R. I'm not paying luxury car prices for a Civic, no matter how great the new Type-R is.

Subaru WRX: I was willing to cave on my RWD/curb weight requirements after I test drove a 2016 WRX. I loved it. Then I saw insurance costs of over $300/mo for me (Male - age 29 - two speeding tickets from previous motorcycle ownership) and I decided against it.

Performance

If you're looking for straight line speed, well, this is /r/Cars. You guys already know better.

In my honest opinion, the 86 is as close to a modern S2000 with cargo space as you can get. RWD, <3000 lbs curb weight, built for the twistiest of twisty roads. It's not as rev-happy as an S2000, but it provides an exhilaration I haven't experienced since I sold my S2K back in Dec 2010. It took me 8 years, but I finally found a car I can adore and enjoy as much as I did the S2000 without sacrificing space for work-related and child hauling duties. Just look at my trunk. What the picture isn't showing is a full fridge worth of groceries that I packed further into the trunk.

The Twins handle like street legal go-karts. Turn the steering wheel in any direction and these cars will make you feel like you're driving on rails. It's honestly amazing. I haven't had fun like this since I sold my last sportbike in early 2018.

Styling

I live in SoCal, where it's hard to draw attention from anyone if you're not in an expensive supercar or luxury car. Even the coolest of BMW M cars and Mercedes AMGs get ignored on a daily basis.

However, I still spot people checking my car out constantly. I know some people hate the new front bumper on the 86 compared to the FR-S's front end, but I think the headlights and tail lights more than make up for it. I love the way this car looks. It just screams "Sexy" from a distance, and I constantly find myself turning around to stare at it any time I park and walk away.

The 86 looks tiny until I park next to something like a first-gen Miata, but compared to other modern cars, my 86 is definitely a small car.

Fuel Economy

I average 27 mpg on my daily commute. The highest I've averaged on a full tank was 30.8 mpg, and the lowest I've gotten so far was 25.2 mpg after a long day of hitting local canyon roads and being stuck in SoCal's typical stop-and-go traffic. I hit 300+ miles to a full tank of gas. Unfortunately, I do visit gas stations too often because I average at least 300 miles every 2.5 days! If I had to guess, I think I drive 60% highway/40% city, but as some of you know, even highway in SoCal means being stuck in traffic, so it's not the same highway mileage that a person living in a less populated area will experience.

Reliability

12k miles in, I've only needed an oil change.

I'm going to follow Toyota's recommended maintenance plan. 12k miles isn't a lot until you consider that I've put all of those miles on my car from February until now. In Dec and January, I only put 500 miles on the odometer because I had my wife's old Toyota Matrix to daily. Now I daily my 86 and I've been racking the miles up too quick for comfort.

Long Term Goals

Just as my dad has done with his first brand new vehicle purchase (a 1989 Toyota pickup that he bought in 1988), I plan to keep my car forever. I've even named her Tiana because, like the Disney character, she's my black princess (���)!

As far as mods go, I think Toyota/Subaru engineers made the car perfect handling-wise, but the torque dip is an annoyance. I intend to get a tune and UEL header in a few months as I hear this combo gets rid of the torque dip as much as possible without going FI. I also want to lower the car just a bit to get rid of the hideous stock wheel gap. Coilovers would be nice, but I will likely just go for the TRD lowering springs since they come with a warranty and keep the amazing stock handling without requiring adjustments.

Sometime in 2020, I want to get the car wrapped to protect the paint + have a unique color.

The longest of long term plans is to supercharge it.

I don't intend to daily this car for too long. I have been looking at cheap beaters, like a Toyota Matrix XRS or older Honda Civic Si, to daily and avoid putting unnecessary miles on my baby.

Closing Thoughts

I know the Twins are one of those cars where, once you drive one, you either really love them or completely hate them. It's all dependent on how you feel about the lack of straight line thrill. I was willing to deal with the slow acceleration based on the 86's attractive appearance, comfort for a sports car, fuel efficiency, low cost of insurance, reliability and the most important factor of all: fun on twisty roads. After owning sportbikes for many years and a couple of S2000's in the past, I couldn't overlook handling. It's cool to accelerate from 0-60 in under 5 seconds, but if the car doesn't have incredible handling, I can't see myself owning it. I have driven some powerful cars, but the best handling ones are beyond my level of affordability. The 86 offers the handling I want, and though it lacks power, it will be added soon enough when I opt for a supercharger. I'm happy with my purchase.

If Toyota and Subaru make the second gen Twins just as fun to drive as the 86, maybe I'll someday own a second gen alongside Tiana, but I don't intend to let my car go for anything. This car rejuvenated my love for driving.

[readingontheedge]

The Good Inside Me

by Barbara Russell

Genre: YA Paranormal Romance

 Dragons, short-tempered archdemons, and hysterical damned souls—Shax is used to dealing with all that. He’s a young fire demon and lives in Hell, after all. What he’s not used to is being possessed by a human. A very good human and a pretty girl at that: sixteen-year-old Tolis. Despite still having control of his body most of the time, Shax can hear Tolis’s voice inside his head and feels what she feels constantly.

 Shax’s mentor claims that Tolis hides an ancient, powerful grimoire, a book of spells, and proposes a deal: if Shax finds it, he’ll help Shax get work as a dragon keeper—Shax’s dream job. Tolis swears she doesn’t have the grimoire and asks Shax to help her father, whose soul is turning evil by the minute. Unless Tolis does something, her dad’s soul will end in Hell. Hoping to convince her to give him the grimoire, and not because Shax cares about the man’s soul, he agrees to help.

Goodness is overrated. Since Shax decided to help Tolis, his life has turned into a hurdle race. Thugs chase him, the scientists in Hell want to prod and examine the first possessed demon in history, and he can’t find the darn grimoire.

 And the worst part? Due to the unavoidable presence of Tolis, who keeps intruding into his evil thoughts, Shax discovers an almost decent side of himself. In no time at all, he catches himself doing actual good deeds. Is he becoming—yuck—good? 

Goodreads * Amazon 

Book Trailer:

https://youtu.be/qC7wTElHHlc 

Chapter One 

NOT MANY THINGS scared Shax. He was a fire demon, lived in Hell, and dealt with dragons and other infernal beasts every day. Attempts to stab and roast him were pretty much a part of his daily routine. Not to mention his short-tempered archdemon mentor, who threatened him with disembowelment at least ten times in an hour. Yet, being trapped in the limbo between Earth and Hell, the nowhere space that had no entrance or exit, made him want to throw up out of fear. When he’d dematerialized from Hell to reach Earth, he hadn’t focused on his destination.  He’d landed in the middle of the corridor of St. Cecil High School in Auckland, as he was supposed to, but had ended up sandwiched between the infernal portal and the human one. Again. Whoever said ending up in limbo was a rare thing had never dematerialized with Shax.  

Blurred figures brushed past the limbo’s walls, and muffled sounds echoed around him. Pushing at the opaque walls that caged him was useless. Screaming didn’t solve anything, and even tossing one of his mighty demonic blazes wouldn’t do any good. The metaphysical cage was fireproof. Besides, he’d tried demonic fire before and only gotten burned. But this didn’t mean he was a hopeless demon, as many said back in Hell. Anyone could’ve made this mistake.

He leaned against the cold barrier and counted the stains of mud on his sneakers. Not much to do but wait for Astharot, his mentor, to rescue him. As only a fifth-level fire demon, Shax needed an expert’s help to jump in and out of limbo.

A tall dark figure approached the wall, and Shax waved a hand. “I’m here!”

He wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. Great Sathael, not even Hades Park with its roaming werewolves was so creepy. These icy walls, the distant sounds, the fuzzy silhouettes…it all seemed as if he were trapped in a fishbowl.  

The dark figure lifted an arm and hit the barrier. A crack appeared, letting in a draft of fresh air. The fist struck again until the fractures expanded like cobwebs. The wall shattered, exploding into thousands of glassy pieces. Shax fell over, dropping onto a blue vinyl floor. He moaned, massaging his back.

Astharot loomed over him. His lips curled to bare his teeth in a threatening smirk—as if being a massive archdemon, almost eight feet tall and dressed in black leather from head to toe, wasn’t menacing enough.

“What were you doing in there?” Astharot pulled Shax to his feet.

Shax adjusted his red hoodie. “I miscalculated the dematerialization.”

“Miscalculated?” Astharot scowled at him. “Your lack of focus will cost you a few points on your final score.”

“What?”

“Complain and I’ll have you weed dragonwort from my garden.”

“Again? I did it last week.” Shax flexed his fingers, which were still throbbing from the spiky dragonwort’s bites.

“It has regrown.” Astharot grabbed his arm. “We’d better hurry. Our divine colleagues are already here.”

Shax shrugged himself free and dodged a teacher striding past. A long corridor, lined with yellow lockers on both sides, stretched in front of him. Kids wearing blue and green uniforms milled around, bags strapped to their shoulders. Girls with colorful rucksacks covered in freakish rainbows, ugly unicorns, and hideous flowers filed in. Goodness wafted from them like the scents of their flowery perfumes, causing his stomach to roll. A guy ran through Shax as if he were a ghost, and Shax shouted. No point in keeping his voice low. None of these humans could see, hear, or touch him unless he revealed himself.

The students’ chatter and click-clack of lockers being closed and opened echoed off the walls. At the end of the hallway, in a quiet corner, two men stood, dressed in blinding white suits. The shorter one, Jilhael, fussed with his snowy cravat and pulled back his long blond hair.

Shax waved at his friend. Looking at Jilhael’s sapphire eyes and sensing the goodness in him, no one would ever guess he was half fire demon, half air angel. Jilhael’s mentor, Nithael, surveyed the crowd of kids with his sharp gaze, like a German shepherd watching a flock of sheep, his ebony skin a stark contrast with his white suit. Shax squinted at the circle of blue light on the floor; it marked one of the celestial portals that led to Heaven.

Astharot and Nithael exchanged a curt nod.

Shax playfully shoved Jilhael. “Hey, Jay, ready?”

Jilhael loosened his shirt’s collar. “You were right. This white suit is a tad uncomfortable.”

“Told ya.” Shax tugged at his hoodie and twitched his nose. His clothes smelled of sulfur and French fries. “Hell: less rules, more fun.”

Jilhael raised a golden brow. “This is work. It’s not supposed to be fun.”

Astharot toyed with his dagger��the athame—scrutinizing the oblivious human kids. “Have you already chosen Jilhael’s subject? Who should Jilhael possess?”

Nithael straightened and golden sparks flew about him. They fell on two girls passing by, who laughed. “Sure.” He flourished a hand. A white book appeared in his palm, and he skimmed the pages. “Jilhael has already possessed three young humans with excellent results, despite his lack of control.” He gave Jilhael a piercing look.

Astharot snorted, but Nithael ignored him.

“Jilhael’s subject today will be…Chad McKee, sixteen, prone to anger and envy. He harassed a few girls in the past weeks, and he’s that boy over there.” Nithael pointed to a broad guy with short brown hair and hazel eyes, standing in front of an open locker. A large duffel bag dangled from his shoulder.

Shax poked Jilhael in the ribs. “Looks like a tough guy. I don’t envy you.”

“No pun intended, right?” Jilhael chuckled.

“What about Shax?” Nithael closed the book and made it disappear with a casual gesture.

Astharot scratched his unshaven chin with his blade. “Don’t know…not sure yet….”

“I need to know who Shax is going to possess, Astharot.” Nithael’s hands twitched. “It’s our right to have the chance to repair the damage you and your apprentice are going to—”

“Shut up. I’m no rookie. Let me think,” Astharot scoffed.

“You promised to be ready this time,” Nithael hissed, blue sparks shooting from his body.

Shax stifled a chuckle. Had Nithael believed Astharot would be ready?

“Don’t get your wings in a knot.” Astharot held out a hand. “Give me a minute, and I’ll find Shax’s next target.”

Jilhael leaned closer to Shax. “What creature is next on your list? Or are you still working with objects?”

“I’ve finished with appliances.” Shax gestured to a fly zooming by. “An insect? Or a small animal maybe.” He rubbed his hands. “This is the first time I’ll possess a living thing. I can’t wait.”

“It’s a lot of work.” Jilhael brushed his white jacket. “But I love searching for the good inside a living being and helping it grow.”

“There!” Astharot pointed his athame toward Chad’s left.

Shax squinted. A huge black spider crawled on top of the lockers, but Chad and a pretty blonde girl next to him ignored it.

A spider. Cool. Being a spider for a few days would have to be fun.

The girl shifted sideways, her pink lips and rosy skin, her long wavy hair— Nope. He had to focus. On the spider. Astharot mumbled something Shax didn’t catch—probably the usual list of dos and don’ts.  As if he didn’t know that taking a life was a big no-no. Inside a spider, he could scare girls, build cobwebs, sneak into the girls’ changing room. Finally, Astharot had given him an awesome test. 

 I’m an entomologist and a soil biologist, which is a fancy way to say that I dig in the dirt, looking for bugs. Nature and books have always been my passion. I was a kid when I read The Lord Of The Ring and fell in love with fantasy novels.

When I discovered cozy mystery and crime novels, I fell in love with Hercules Poirot and Sherlock Holmes. Then I grew up and . . . Nah, I’m joking. I didn’t grow up. Don’t grow up, folks! It’s a trap.

PS I hate gardening. There, I said it. Sorry fellow Kiwis. 

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