#Éric Desmarais - Aspiring Something

[ericdesmarais]

Today I’m 35

Today I’m 35

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Hello My Imaginary Friends,

Today is my birthday! (If you’d like to get me a gift, read and review my books.)

It’s easy to look back on your life and think, “AHHHHHH. I’ve accomplished nothing!!!” But that’s your insecurity speaking. At the very least you’ve done something that a lot of others haven’t; you’ve survived.

Surviving is good. I’ve been lucky enough to not only survive but do a few things that, I think, are awesome: (no particular order)

Graduated University

Had 3 books published

Written 7 novels and part of two novels

Made sure there was constant content on this blog since 2014

Learnt how to roast coffee and made a semi-successful business out of it

Been married for 9 years to my best friend (Although that’s mostly her being patient and a little luck)

I’m super proud of Baby Dragon

Wrote and developed an RPG (Can’t wait for FADDS to be available to all)

I’ve spent my life feeling average. I’m not the smartest, hardest working, most handsome, etc. So it’s nice to have things I’m proud of and that I feel I’ve done well. Yes, I realize there’s nothing on that list that hasn’t been done before, or that hasn’t been done better before. But I’m proud and consider myself lucky.

Who knows what I’ll be able to accomplish in the next 35-50 years.

  What are you proud of?

Éric

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Is it autumn yet?

Is it autumn yet?

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Hello My Imaginary Friends,

I have a secret to tell you… Come closer… Closer… Ok that’s good… I HATE HEAT!!!

This past month has been torture for me. Like alternating between a sauna and an oven. As much as walking in snow is a pain, it’s much more comfortable than walking in the rain. As much as I hate shoveling, I’d rather do that than mow the lawn (I’m literally allergic to mowing the lawn).

There’s only one thing that I like about summer and that’s when it’s not too hot… I love the cool evenings were it dips below 20 degrees Celsius. That I can stand, but this… arg.

Added onto that, Baby Dragon has been sick since mid month and I’ve caught the cold. For her it was a sore throat, cough, and fever. For me it’s a head cold. I feel like someone is trying to inflate a balloon inside my nasal cavities.

Being sick sucks. Being sick and overheating sucks X1000.

I should be writing, beta-reading, or writing, or editing… sigh.

Is is Autumn yet? I want hoodies, pumpkin pie, cool nights, and Halloween movies.

  How’s your summer going?

Éric

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Why We Don't Offer Brewed Coffee

Why We Don't Offer Brewed Coffee

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Hello My Imaginary Friends and Coffee Lovers,

I’ve been asked a lot by people why we don’t offer brewed coffee for sale. Recently, an event we applied to rejected us because we wouldn’t sell brewed coffee.

On the surface there doesn’t seem to be a big difference between selling coffee beans and selling coffee. Because of that, we often get people asking us why we don’t sell brewed coffee. The short answer is that it’s a completely different business and we don’t have the money, time, or roasting output to invest into it. The long answer breaks down into 3 parts; Equipment, Permits, and Roasting Output.

Equipment and extras

Here’s a basic list of equipment we’d need to do it properly:

Grinders (We’d need to pre-grind all our beans, so we’d need something that can do large loads and is easily cleaned to avoid allergic reactions.)

Brewers (At least 2 large-scale airpot drip brewers. That way we can brew directly into large pots and not burn each other with glass diner pots.)

Airtight Storage for the ground beans (In order to prepare we’d need to have something that can store the grinds without losing their quality)

Cups, lids, and stuff for coffee (Even at one size, it’s quite the investment to get enough of everything and always best to overbuy rather than run out)

Booth set up and organization (We need everything to store dairy products in bulk safely. Then then we need a place for people to prepare their coffee, a place to roast, and a place to vend.)

All that goes with making sure we have electricity, cleaning supplies, water, and enough of everything to get through the day.

Permits

The required permits for sealed coffee beans are minimal. Selling them doesn’t require to much paperwork. Meanwhile, selling prepared food requires permits, permission from the venue, inspection of the product, equipment, and location.

That’s a lot more work and expense. Especially for a 2 or 3 day convention.

Roasting output

This is a big one. It takes me roughly an hour for every 2.5 pounds of coffee. That’s a lot of work. I normally take roughly 4-6 days of 12-14 hours to prepare for Ottawa Comiccon. A large bag (1/2 lbs) should make roughly 12 large (16-18oz) cups of coffee. I’ve estimated that at Ottawa Comiccon we would on the low end sell 300 cups a day high end 1000+.

This would roughly double the roasting I need to do (I would be running on the “expect the worst but plan for the best”) unless I completely dropped selling beans. Which would be a stupid decision seeing as it’s a great seller.

Conclusion

Coffee is our passion and we love it. I would love to buy a coffee cart and spend a whole lot of time at festivals and conventions selling brewed coffee. However, that’s not my business. You wouldn’t ask a milk farmer why he doesn’t sell cakes or a writer why they don’t sell paper. Right?

It comes down to resources. I’d rather concentrate our money on perfecting the beans and the roasting rather than branching out.

  Thank you for reading,

Éric

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Take Two - Recommendation Thursday

Take Two - Recommendation Thursday

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Hello My Imaginary Friends,

I love mystery books, movies, and television shows. I also enjoy a good old procedural. Recently a network show came across my radar that I hadn’t heard about. Take Two is a buddy cop show by  Andrew W. Marlowe and Terri Edda Miller, the former creator and executive producer of Castle respectively.

This show owes a lot to Castle and doesn’t even try to hide it, including hiring some of the cast.

If you liked Castle for it’s wittiness and the fact that it never took itself seriously, you’ll love this show. If you liked it because of the charisma of Nathan Fillion, you’ll get almost as much spread between the cast.

I’m enjoying the fact that this show revels in taking its mysteries into weird and unexpected directions.

Have a look at one of my favourite episodes so far:

  What do you think? Will this fill the Castle-sized shape in your heart?

Éric

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*Update* The Grocer’s Shop / Alimentation L’Epicier Inc. – WORST CUSTOMER SERVICE EVER

*Update* The Grocer’s Shop / Alimentation L’Epicier Inc. – WORST CUSTOMER SERVICE EVER

Hello My Imaginary Friends,

So last October I wrote a post telling our experiences with The Grocer’s Shop / Alimentation L’Epicier Inc. To say it’s scathing is an understatement.

One of my references that was called, despite our asking differently, signed up with their Quebec branch. They had perfect service and love the product. This tells me that the Ontario side is probably the problem.

Yesterday at 11am I got a call from their head of Customer Retention. He was extremely nice and very polite and asked what he could do to win us back. He was polite, understanding, and repentant. He offered us some free samples and genuinely tried to win me over (the big telecom companies could learn a thing or two from this guy).

Near the end of the call he did ask if I could take the original blog down. This tells me that it might have been the reason for his call and not the official complaint.

I neither accepted any restitution gifts nor will I take down the original post, but I have to give them credit for trying.

Conclusion

Although I can’t recommended them I have heard good things about their Quebec branch and nothing but fantastic things about their product.

The act of reaching out to me (although 9 months latte), apologizing, and trying to make amends tells me that they are not as bad as I first thought.

  What are your thoughts?

Éric

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[ericdesmarais]

Top 5 Things I Never Thought I'd say - Toddler Edition

Top 5 Things I Never Thought I'd say - Toddler Edition

Hello My Imaginary Friends,

There are times in life where you say something and suddenly you’re hit with both the ridiculousness of the statement and the fact that you never would have guessed you’d say it. Toddlers are fantastic at bringing about these moments, or at least mine is.

5. She wouldn’t sleep so I…

Our child is not the same as other children. Here is a list of ways I’ve put her to sleep:

Bouncing on knee in a more and more violent fashion in an Air Canada Lounge

Watching Specter on Netflix and turning up the volume

Loud music, including Death Metal, Opera, and Metal Covers of Classical music

Yelling while holding her

Being in the Haunted Mansion or Pirates of the Caribbean Ride at Disney World

Reading a horror novel to her

Jumping in place while holding her

4. That is not Mum

The moment my wife isn’t in the room my daughter starts asking for her. It doesn’t matter where we are, she’ll randomly say MUM?! It gets extra weird when she looks at a person (Woman, Man, Biker, Person in an ad) and says questioningly MUM?! as if she couldn’t remember who her mom is.

3. We do not walk on …

She has a future in balancing on pretty much anything she can get her toes on. Electronics, books, pillows, couches, Grannie’s shins, my neck… etc

2. Are you Jelly?

Disposable diapers have two settings; dry (Where they feel like sawdust in a soft pouch), and wet (Where they feel like they’re filled with jelly). So I often ask if she’s jelly. The answer is always NO! since she hates being changed.

1. Not in your mouth!

Oh, if I had some sort of money for each time I said this… I’d be very very rich. My child is truly a Dragon and tries to eat everything.

Variations of this include:

We don’t eat our toys

We don’t eat our friends

We don’t eat rocks

We don’t eat walls…

  What odd things have you said to your children?

Éric

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[ericdesmarais]

The Teapot Chicken - Heroes, Legends, Fairies, and other Absurdities

The Teapot Chicken - Heroes, Legends, Fairies, and other Absurdities

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In a realm of magic, in a time of heroes; lived an old cantankerous wizard named Myrka. Despite living in an ideal little village, close enough to the castle to buy anything she needed but far enough not to be disturbed, she hated people. Wanting nothing more than to be left alone in her small, comfortable cottage, to drink tea and read her books.

Unfortunately, as a Wizard, people always seemed to need her to heal something, fix something, find something, or just stop some ultimate evil.

Because of the drain on her time, people were constantly touching her things. They’d come into her home begging to turn their children back from frogs. (Despite the fact that those same children had been warned that kissing an enchanted frog was a terribly dangerous idea. She’d even done a very informative talk at the local schoolhouse.) While they were inside they’d start touching things. Leaving fingermarks all over the wizard’s books, paintings, or teapots.

One day, after one of the ungrateful townsfolk had a second head removed (How’d she get the second head? That’s another story and the wizard didn’t care to ask.) they touched her favourite teapot, a dainty little china number with pastel blue flowers. The dark black smears on the spout of the teapot made the wizard’s stomach roil and she had to throw out a perfectly good pot of tea.

The wizard finally had enough and decided to enchant the teapot. She took her time in deciding how, but finally settled on making the teapot turn into a chicken when touched by anyone but the wizard or her family.

Why a chicken you ask? Well they’re both cuddly and vicious at the same time. Like tiny dragons, with feathers. She named the teapot Tina and could be seen absentmindedly stroking its spout and lid while reading.

One day the ruler of the land decided she wanted something from the wizard. Despite the wizard doing everything in her power to make people think she wasn’t powerful, word had gone around and Queen Renelle the Sixth needed something.

The Queen didn’t send a messenger or a knight to bring the wizard to her, no; she and her personal guard, court wizard, royal band, and half her court, showed up one morning on poor Myrka the wizard’s doorstep.

The small cottage was only able to accommodate the Queen and two of her guards.

“Would you like some tea Your Majesty?” Myrka asked forgetting the rituals of the court. She had always been more interested in the workings of the magical universe, so it’s understandable that she not know that, in that queendom, when the Queen visits, she must serve her host.

Before anyone could say anything, the queen picked up the teapot, yes that one, and started to serve tea. The events that followed saw the Queen soaked in scalding tea regurgitated by an angry chicken, and the wizard imprisoned for attacking the Queen. Tina hovered off in a huff, pecking several guards on her way out.

The Queen promptly forgot about the Wizard, who was placed in the deepest part of the dungeons. So deep as to have no guards, light, food, or drink. Just a rotting smell from the other prisoners.

Thankfully for the wizard, Tina the teapot was fond of her. The little teapot forced herself into chicken form and made her way to the dungeons. It’s amazing how little attention people will pay to a random chicken and how a strong peck to the nose will dissuade predators.

The valiant teapot freed the wizard from the dungeons and the two headed back to their little cottage.

The thought of cursing the Queen came to the wizard’s mind, but in the end she decided that wherever there was a curse there was always a pesky hero trying to break it. Instead she cast a spell making everyone in the castle forget that she existed.

To avoid the same situation happening again, the wizard enchanted her cottage. The next time a royal knocked on her cottage, the entire thing sprouted legs and ran away.

The moral of this story is simple: Always warn your guests about spells placed on your dishware. Also, don’t bother a wizard while they’re relaxing with a cup of tea and reading.

Heroes, Legends, Fairies, and other Absurdities are the expanded versions of stories I’ve told my daughter at night before bed. They’re short, silly, and were completely improvised in the telling.

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Star Trek: Discovery; I finally finished it

Star Trek: Discovery; I finally finished it

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Hello My Imaginary Friends,

I had a hard time finishing Star Trek: Discovery. That says a lot considering I’ve happily watched every Star Trek series to come out since TNG.

I have a lot of thoughts that I’ll share after the cut.

Star Trek: Discovery (l-r): Oyin Oladejo as Joann Owosekun; Sara Mitich as Airiam; Anthony Rapp as Paul Stamets; Mary Wiseman as Sylvia Tilly; Sonequa Martin-Green as Michael Burnham; Ronnie Rowe as Bryce; Patrick Kwok-Choon as Rhys; Doug Jones as Saru; Emily Coutts as Keyla Detmer © 2017 CBS Interactive. photo by Jan Thijs

Edgy for Edgy’s sake

One of my biggest frustrations was that the show felt disjointed. Like too many writers were trying to do to many different things.

The most annoying was trying to paint a Star Trek show to look and feel like Game of Thrones. You might get a few people to believe that your cat is a rhinoceros, but why are you trying to sell pictures of it to cat lovers?

The stories they tried to tell with the edge (Klingon hybrid dude, Klingon war, Traitor’s redemption, Mirror Universe, etc) were really just shallow gimmicks. They could have spent a lot more time on these stories and flesh them out. Before I got the chance to start really thinking about the implications of a story they took a ninety degree turn.

Stop trying to appeal to other show’s fans and try to appeal to yours. (Granted, that might not always work. Look at the Star Wars fandom.)

Tone Death

Star Trek is meant to show us what the human race could become. It’s optimistic and annoyingly moralistic. All this comes through the character’s words and speeches but not in the writing.

Did they really need to kill the Doctor? The first openly gay relationship and Latinx character and they kill him off for… Wait, why did they kill him off? It didn’t advance the plot, or give motivation to his significant other. It did give us a silly yoda like scene in the fungus dimension…. I guess. (Yes I know he’s not really dead.)

And then they called it Racial reassignment surgery… as if there wasn’t enough stigma around the Trans community and what’s in their pants.

Predictable

Maybe it’s just me but once I realized they were going for Edgy-Shock-Trek, I saw every plot twist three episodes in advance. Not in the, “I’m a crazy fan and know so much about the world I can guess” kinda way but in the, “What’s the laziest, least interesting plot twist,” kinda way.

What did I like?

Despite the rhino costume, I liked the loveable Trek morals underneath.

I liked the beeps and blerps lifted from the original. I liked the Klingon language being spoken consistently.

I liked the special effects, the anachronistic tech, and the Tardigrade mushroom drive. I loved the corny Da Vinci intro.

Most of all, I liked the characters. The core crew; Burnam, Saru, Stamets, and Tilly; were fun interesting characters. Once the show got going, and got it’s head out of GoT’s bum, the characters came together as quirky space misfits. That’s what I love to watch.

Conclusion

I’d give Discovery a 2 out of 5 for its first season. It wasn’t good, it was Trek trying to be something it wasn’t.

I hope we see something better in the second season. From this trailer I have high hopes:

What did you think of Discovery?

Éric

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Be Different but don’t be Different?

Be Different but don’t be Different?

Hello My Imaginary Friends,

In genre fiction, most adventure or epic forms, the protagonist is an ordinary person placed in extraordinary situations. They are praised for a certain talent or personality trait that saves them in the end.

Despite being nothing special at the beginning, they have something that makes them special. As their story unfolds they become extremely special by the end.

Sometimes the protagonist starts as impressive or unique, but that almost always makes them social outcast in order to avoid making them seem too good to be true. We excuse friends, or characters we’ve watched grow, from this because we feel invested in their journey.

The whole narrative informs and is informed by real life, where anything new or different is seen as suspect. People revel in watching those with fame or great ability fall from grace. Is it jealousy or just a twisted sense of balance?

The contradiction is certainly there for everyone to see. We as a society worship extraordinary abilities and accomplishments while simultaneously dehumanizing anyone who is different, including those same people.

It honestly feels like society is telling us to be different and special but while being like everyone else.

Hold on… while I climb onto my high horse.

There’s a lesson in this and it’s simply to think critically about your reactions to what’s different. Your natural instincts will kick in and tell you that different is evil, wrong, silly, etc.; well, your instincts are jerk-faces.

Take the time to understand, analyse, and if necessary, live and let live.

Different isn’t bad, it’s just different. We need to stop trying to pull each other down and instead celebrate both our differences and our talents.

  Be aware, be curious, and be kind,

Éric

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CoasteRPG

CoasteRPG

Hello My Imaginary Friends and Gamers,

A few years ago I developed The Simplest Role Playing System after some play testing I updated it and created a character sheet.

Now I have made a few more changes and changed the name. I plan on getting it printed on actual coasters (Rules on one side, character sheet on the other).

Here are the rules:

CoasteRPG

Simple Rules: Each player chooses Body, Mind, or Luck as their character’s specialty. They have 4 in that ability. (Ex. Fighters choose Body.) Their Health and Defence each equal 4.

Complex Rules: Each person has 5 points to place in Body, Mind, and Luck. No negatives. Their Health equals their Body plus their Luck +1. Their Defence equals Body plus Mind +1

Resolution Mechanism: When a character needs to do something, the Storyteller decides if it’s easy (1), hard (2), ridiculous (4), or inconceivable (6). The character then subtracts their attribute from the difficulty.

If the attribute is higher than the difficulty they succeed. If not, they have to flip the coaster 3 times and call it (if it’s a die have them call even or odd). Add every right guess to their attribute.

Combat: Each character does 1 point of damage if they hit something and takes the same if they are hit. Death occurs at 0 health.

Everything else: The storyteller makes up.

Character Sheet: Download PDF (43KB)

Good gaming!

Éric

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2018 Resolution Mid-Year Review

2018 Resolution Mid-Year Review

Hello My Imaginary Friends,

I made some resolutions in January about my year. I made them to push myself and encourage improvement.

Let’s have a look at them and how I’m doing.

Write 2000 words a week for The Mystery of the Dancing Lights (Failing)

This was an extremely ambitious goal. I was hoping to have 52000 words by this point but I’ve only managed 23000. It’s still writing but it’s not as much as I’d hoped. I’m averaging under 1000 a week, mostly due to the weeks I haven’t or just didn’t write.

I’m hoping I can increase my speed but we’ll see how it goes.

Pitch Everdome and the Super-Secret Project (Succeeded)

I pitched to Renaissance Press and they’re currently deciding on Everdome, if they don’t take it I’ll shop it around and maybe make the plunge and self publish it.

The pitch for the Super-Secret Project went well and everyone was excited but due to everyone involved being really busy it’s been put on the back burner.

I’ll hopefully have news by end of year.

Write a Monthly Serial Story (Succeeding)

So far Devices of Desire has been going strong and I haven’t missed a month. I’m really enjoying this story and I hope you are too.

Continue to ensure there’s content 5 days a week on JenEric Designs (Succeeding)

So far so good… I’ve had a few days where I was too sick or tired but I managed to put something up. Yay!

Read 30 books (Succeeding)

So far this year I’ve read 12 books (13 if you count beta-reading). I’ve been trying to challenge myself to only read books by people I have met or interacted with online. I’m a little behind but I should be able to catch up by end of month. Thank goodness for audiobooks and graphic novels.

Finish the new content for FADDS and playtest it (Succeeding)

I’m currently running a rag tag group of misfits through a fetch quest in the world of Everworld (precursor to Everdome) and it’s going well. I’ve managed to fix and write all the content I wanted and a little more. I still need to keep making monsters and see how the playing goes. So far so good.

Test, Design, and Produce 2 new coffee flavours (Succeeded)

A dark roast without flavouring

A medium roast with peppermint flavouring

A mixed roast with Canadian maple and banana flavouring

I have successfully developed the above 3 flavours and I’m testing 3 potential flavours. Yay coffee!

Edit and send Dinosaur Road Trip to a willing betareader (No movement)

I haven’t even looked at it since the Weditor sent it back to me. I’m nervous that it sucks. I don’t think it’ll be a book I pitch. I might get a few self published copies for myself and family.

Start getting a short story collection together (Succeeded)

I’ve picked the theme, and the stories. I just have to write the middle parts and book ends. I’ll hopefully have them done by year end. So I consider this done.

Play more Videogames (Succeeding-ish)

I’ve played a lot of mobile games lately. I’ve really enjoyed SIMS Mobile as a time waster and I’m still in love with both Ticket to Ride Mobile, and Civilization Revolution 2.

Besides that I’ve maybe played an hour of FFX and a couple of hours of the new Lego Incredibles. I need to do more but Keladry still attacks the remote. I’ve tried to teach her what to do but she’s not getting it yet. I’ll keep trying.

  So not bad, I’m currently succeeding at 6.5 out of 10. I guess that means I need to add more but that will be another post.

How are your resolutions going?

Éric

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CoasteRPG Oneshot Scenario - Lost Toys

CoasteRPG Oneshot Scenario - Lost Toys

Hello My Imaginary Friends,

On Tuesday I introduced you the the new and improved CoasteRPG; now here for the first time is a oneshot scenario for the game. Depending on your players’ zeal and distraction level, it should take between 1-3 hours to play.

The players are all playing a toy that has just now gained sentience. Encourage your players to bring in the toy or at least bring a picture. Give each of them an attack and special ability based off their toy and its accessories.

The Room

They start out waking up in a kid’s room. Clean but filled with toys. Other than them, there are only 2 other toys that are moving.

There is a door and a window. They can see the night sky out the window. The door appears to be locked.

One of the toys with them is a stuffed Winnie the Pooh. He is quiet, says “bother” a lot, and sometimes mumbles.

The other is a Barbie who is missing her arms and legs. She shudders as she talks and manages to say, “Ship… Chip… RUN!” before becoming immobile.

Challenge

They need to escape the room. If they can pick the lock to the door they find what looks like a solid metal wall. It’s actually a sliding door (Spot 6)

There is a computer chip inside the Barbie’s torso (Search 4) that will open the sliding metal door.

The window is a porthole to the outside. They could open the window (Strength 5 or two at strength 3) but everything will be sucked into space. If this happens, they can use special abilities to get back to the hull of the ship.

The Hall

The door leads to a long narrow corridor that branches left or right. There are signs.

Challenge

There are 6 flying defence drones. They target any flying toys first or anyone who hurts them.

The left passage leads to the Teleporter, the right to the Extractor.

The Extractor

The Extractor is where the mad genius sucks the love out of a toy and turns it into energy. The planet’s energy reserves are completely dependent on this form of energy.

Challenge

Zombie Toys and Mad Genius

The Teleporter

The Teleporter is where new toys arrive from alternate dimensions.

Challenge

Getting home.

Activating the transporter (2) sends them somewhere randomly.

Activating it with coordinates (4) sends them home.

Ending

Hopefully they don’t die…

Options: They can send themselves home, destroy the Extractor permanently, take over the facility, or all of the above. Let them play with the idea.

Enemies

  Defence Drone Zombie Mad Genius Health 6 1 5 Defence 3 4 6 Body 4 0 0 Mind 1 0 4 Luck 1 4 1 Special Abilities Lasers 1

Slam 1

Explode 3 flips

Fly

Bite 1

Squeeze 1

Drain 1+1flip

Grab and toss into extractor  6

  Enjoy and good gaming,

Éric

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