#|| just stop with the negativity talk and then crying about it afterwards. just live. please. ||

[tossdoll]

My family is still staying in half of the church that wasn’t affected by the bombing because there is nowhere else to stay other than tents. They are limited to one small meal a day and one shower a week. They are sleeping on the floors, but no one can sleep since there is bombing everywhere around them. Even when there is no bombing, they can still hear the loud buzzing sound of the military planes above them, which would keep anyone who hears it awake. Along with everything, My grandma has diabetes and osteoporosis, so she can’t walk. She has to take her insulin medication along with many others; however, she has run out of many of her medications.” Am on my knees requesting for donation. Target $450

this is a scam, confirmed by here and here. 

here is the real gofundme. it's almost at the goal.

however, i want to make a statement.

don't let this be a signal that this means all asks like this are scams. no, it's not “fishy” that there are people begging for help in your inbox or on your posts, people are being genocided for already over a year now. it only takes a couple of seconds and thinking power to see if your ask is real or not.

don't want to answer them? fine, whatever. but don't publicly say you think these are scams, keep that to yourself. don't even bother pulling the “woe is me, i'm sorry, i didn't know” tone of crytyping text either. again, families are being killed and losing everything. a majority of the community here are white usamericans who have the privilege of one of the few only things they should worry about is “um but answering this ask will break the immersion of me being a rp account”.

seriously, i'm sick of you all trying to make it about yourselves. “the election happened, it's over for us” this guy has been in office for 4 years already before, you lived. you're fine. you will be fine for another 4 years. trans people have lived 20 years ago, 50, 100 before you. if you need a break, because you can't handle seeing this, then go take a break. nobody is forcing you to stay. this sucks, but you need to live. stop doomscrolling and stop being a doomer.

i understand a majority of people here are minors, and you might not have the money to help, but “how can i still”? just post about it. reblog. spread it around. if you want to help, but don't know where to start, here you go.

vetted fundraiser masterlist. gazafunds and helpgazachildren. palestinian children relief fund. free daily clicks.

[cinnajun]

ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: arguments with zb1

a/n: omg i posted before midnight this is a big win

notes: yujin is not included due to his age!

wc | 1.9k

jiwoong

the best way i can describe an argument with jiwoong is “mature”

you guys don’t argue often at all so when you do there’s usually a good reason for you to be arguing

perhaps it has to do with your living situation, or you’re not taking an issue jiwoong talked to you about as seriously as he wants you to be, or you feel like he’s spending too much time away from you

whatever it is, your argument will last max 3 days

day one is reserved for sulking, and you might end up staying the night at a friend’s house while jiwoong sits with hao and hanbin and tries to work through what he’s feeling

day two is for thinking—both of you think through things rationally and take mental notes on what you did wrong and what you think was on the other person

then, day three is for talking it out. you’ll decide on a place to meet that isn’t home, and you’ll work through everything while not getting upset or saying something unwarranted.

then, afterward, you’ll go home together and do something light and fun to cheer the both of you up

things go back to normal within four days, and you don’t think about the issue ever again

zhang hao

fights with hao are not fun

hot take but i think he’s the type of person to ghost you when you make him too upset

so whatever you’re fighting over, be it the dishes or something he said, once he gets angry enough he will just walk out and not talk to you for a while

depending on how upset he is it can be anywhere from less than a day to three or four days with no contact between the two of you

so yeah this is kind of a red flag but you don’t fight literally ever so it doesn’t happen enough for it to be a big issue

and his reasoning for ghosting you is that he doesn’t want to say something he doesn’t mean and/or can’t come back from

hao knows he’s the type of person to just say something wildly untrue when he’s mad and his worst fear is doing that to you

he returns from his mental retreat so apologetically, even if you end up thinking you were more in the wrong

will bring you an apology gift (usually it’s flowers or some sort of sweet treat) and always has some big long speech prepared

you also apologize if you feel it’s warranted (which is almost every time)

things will go back to normal in max two weeks

hanbin

fights with hanbin are big and emotional

like super emotional

this man is so in love with you that you being the source of any negative emotions is really hard for him to stomach

and it’s likely that, for the course of your entire relationship, you’ll fight maybe once or twice at most

so the fight you have is big and possibly the result of a lot of pent-up emotions that built up over a long period of time

you’re the one to walk out, and he’s full-blown sobbing by the time that happens

he feels miserable for the next couple of days

you two don’t ghost each other but it’s minimal contact and you can barely look at one another without crying lol

hanbin will probably end up staying elsewhere and you’ll stay home, drowning your sorrows in ice cream while you cry on the phone with your friends

when you’re both sound enough to work it out, you two just kinda cry apologies at each other

when the time comes for you to actually talk it out, it’s pretty easy and you’re left wondering what exactly the fight was over in the first place

hanbin will kiss every single part of you after the wound is patched up

and then he’s attached to you for the next couple of days lol

things go back to normal in maybe three-ish weeks? like that’s when he stops being super clingy and you go back to regularly scheduled programming

matthew

fights with matthew are small

he seems like the type of guy to be able to talk out big issues without it blowing out of proportion

so any larger problems the two of you are like … worked out via controlled and calm conversation

then you will have a blowout argument over you losing one of the sweatshirts you took without asking (your mom took it to the dry cleaners and didn’t tell you)

your arguments are petty and it’s a lot of really fake words thrown back and forth

so it’s not like one of you is being unnecessarily mean to the other, it’s from both of you

you don’t talk for a couple of days (also mutual) and then your mom’s dry cleaning shows up with the sweatshirt in tow

you send him a picture of it with some tear stains on it and he’s like … are you crying

then he’ll show up at your house not even thinking about the sweatshirt, just the fact that he doesn’t like it when you cry

will do anything to get you to stop crying

apologizes 18 times and puts on the tear-stained sweatshirt while going “wow, it’s so clean!” in hopes that you’ll at least laugh

after he fixes the crying situation you apologize too and suddenly it’s like it never happened

things go back to normal in a week

taerae

fights with taerae are quiet

tbh i just think his anger/sadness/any negative emotion is quiet

there’s no yelling, no crying, no insults, no nothing

the argument itself will be a bunch of isolated statements paired with scoffs, rubbing your tumbles, and feeling exasperated

neither of you leaves to cool off, and you just sit in different rooms after the fact

the next day might be a bit awkward and taerae will be somewhat cold towards you (and it would be a lie to say you don’t reciprocate the same exact energy)

but at some point during the day, while you’re sulking and laying down in bed, taerae will come in and lay down next to you

starts off by saying sorry and then you talk things out while just … laying there

he’s neither the type of person to take all the blame nor the type of person to shove all the blame onto you

like you could be entirely at fault but he will distribute responsibility equally between the two of you

he’s just the type of guy who really does not like arguing so he will do whatever he can to fix it quickly

after you’re done talking you’ll go on a long drive together

it’s aimless and quiet, but he holds your hand the whole time :)

things go back to normal within 3 days

ricky

i think fights with ricky are turbulent

you never really know the direction they’re going to go in you know

you don’t necessarily fight often but it’s not like you never fight, either

i think it’s a healthy amount of bickering

somewhat like an old couple LOL

if you have a big argument, though, it’s pretty much the least fun you’ve ever had in your whole entire life

ricky isn’t the type of guy to yell and cry but he’s the type of guy to give you a look that makes you feel like crying

i also think he’d struggle to take everything you’re saying seriously so he might laugh in exasperation from time to time

which obviously makes you angrier

i think if you end up crying, though, ricky will have like a crazy moment of clarity where he’s like … oh shit

cue some crazy introspection

you’ll run off somewhere else in the house and he’ll just sit on the couch and think

he’s practically taking notes on the entire thing, and studying what he thinks was the most out-of-pocket for him to say and what he needs to apologize for

after he’s gathered his thoughts he’ll seek you out and ask if you’re okay sitting down and talking with him

and he will wait however long he needs to if you say no

he essentially says everything he feels necessary, ends it off with an apology and kisses your hand

then it’s over

things go back to normal within the day

gyuvin

you bicker with gyuvin a lot and 99.9% of the time it’s silly and super unserious

that’s the type of couple you are yk

so your fights are born out of your little, unserious arguments actually going a little bit too far, and they last soooo long

and most of it happens in front of your friends which isn’t nice either

it starts out very small, with little jabs at one another

keeps amping up for the rest of the night, and once you both leave whatever hangout you were at, all your friends are like … they’re gonna fight guys get ready

they’re right

you argue the entire way home and when he drops you off he doesn’t even give you a good night kiss, which makes things even worse

you continue arguing over text and into the next few days all while acting like everything is fine

meanwhile, you’re texting your friends (separately) like can you believe that he just said that? can you believe he’s pulling this shit?

finally they lock you two in a room and tell you to figure it out because your arguing is annoying

you will painstakingly be like “okay maybe i went too far” and he essentially does the exact same thing

and then he apologizes for not giving you a good night kiss that one time and everything is fine

things go back to normal in like 2 weeks but just keep in mind for the entire 2 weeks you were just being passive-aggressive with each other

gunwook

arguments with gunwook are born out of stress and aren’t really arguments

he’s a busy guy who’s doing a lot of things and sometimes he bites off more than he can chew

which isn’t nice because he refuses to be like “hey i might have to lay off boyfriend duties for a couple of days so i can work through all these commitments i made without thinking” because he thinks he’ll be a bad boyfriend because of it

essentially you’re not even aware he’s getting upset with you until the stress bubbles over one day

he accidentally tells you to leave him alone and let him work which makes you sad :(

but you do because you pretty much understand that he’s overwhelmed

but you’re still upset so you don’t just forgive him and move on because … idk … if he talked to you it wouldn’t have happened in the first place

is this petty … kind of yes but if you want things to change you need to put your foot down!!!

so you spend the next two or three days missing your boyfriend a miserable amount before he texts you saying “can we talk”

of course you can

you practically sprint to his house

and you talk!! and he apologizes for being mean to you while promising it won’t happen again

and gunwook learns from his actions so it really doesn’t happen again

things go back to normal in 3-4 days

thank you for reading !

tags: @happysmileybee @wtfhyuck

[jiraisupportgroup]

Do you have any tips on how to stop crying? I hate it when I cry and I don't want to my family to see that I'm childish and weak 😭

Some Tips ♡

Crying can be hard, I remember not wanting to cry around my family / roommates back before I lived alone, but crying shouldn’t necessarily be a negative thing ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

It’s not weak or childish to cry, everyone cries sometimes. I think people think crying is more serious than it is or make fun of it because they’re lame and don’t understand that crying is awesome. I’m very pro-crying lol. Also sometimes if you hate crying, when you start crying, you can get even more upset because you’re crying. Not your fault at all (and I promise I’m not trying to talk down to you or anything I used to be the same way T-T ) sometimes working on reframing how you think about crying can help too ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

One thing I didn’t mention in that post is one thing I do to help manage crying at work during really stressful weeks.

Once a week on my day off I have like an hour long cry / journal session to get it all out there so I feel emotionally prepared for the week. I go all out too I get stuffed animals, incense, coloured pens, sad music, stickers, and I just dump everything I can think of into this one notebook and cry for like an hour. It helps to get it all out there. Therapy is also be a really good option for this but I can’t afford therapy anymore so I just journal. Sometimes I go back with sticky notes later and add things or make edits which helps me a lot too, because it’s like I get multiple perspectives of the same situation.

The important part of this process is that I feel generally safe while doing this, and I do luckily have friends I can reach out to if I get in too deep. Also reward yourself afterwards! I usually do this & then take a shower to like “clean off” all the negative stuff I just dealt with and then I go to dinner with friends or go out shopping or go get tea, whatever I’m feeling ♡ but again that’s just what I do, if you want to try it and it works for you that’s awesome, if it doesn’t work for you that’s also okay, everyone is different.

[carlsdarling]

Please, another part of Sunset Affairs with anguish, where the reader stops the affair with Carl because she loves him and doesn't want to be the lover anymore, but in the end, a sweet Carl who does love her, with some obscenity too. I can't live knowing that Carl doesn't love the reader. 😭🙏💞

Sunset Affairs Part II

Carl finally has to choose between Y/N and Enid because Y/N doesn't want to be just his side bitch anymore. Bit more of a plot, then sex. Everyone is 18 or over.

WARNINGS: smut, nsfw, oral (female receiving)

Your affair with Carl had been continuing for about half a year now, and during the last few weeks your mood had been changing insidiously; had become worse, more and more often you caught yourself feeling sad and angry after one of Carl's flying visits - at first without being able to name a reason for it. At one point, you even cried hard and couldn't stop, so you sought out Denise and asked her for a sedative. "What's got you so upset, Y/N?" inquired Denise, eyeing you anxiously.

"I... I don't know," you sniffled, swallowing the Valium with a glass of water. "Maybe memories have unconsciously come flooding back, of my parents' deaths." But you suspected yourself that that wasn't the case, because the crying episode had only started after Carl had visited you once again, used you sexually in the usual, casual and somehow disinterested way, and then, without saying much, headed back home. To Enid. You had stared at the wool blanket on the couch, and at the soiled Kleenex Carl had quickly cleaned himself with after he had finished, and had abruptly burst into tears.

"It's not healthy to fight negative feelings with pills," Denise preached with a sigh. "It's better to work through them and resolve the situation."

Admittedly, that was easier said than done. After all, after talking to Denise, you got to the point where you finally admitted to yourself that you had developed some feelings for Carl and that it hurt you that he didn't reciprocate them, that for him it was all about pleasure and that you were only good enough for him when Enid didn't feel like sleeping with him, which was often.

However, you had no idea how to "resolve" this situation, to use Denise's words. All that was certain was that your bitterness was growing. Every evening you spent alone in your house, you imagined Carl with Enid, looking at her the way he never looked at you, respecting her and not you, sharing with her all that he was withholding from you. Your frustration kept growing and you suddenly felt hurt, although there was really no reason for it: it had been clear between Carl and you from the beginning that it was just an affair with no deeper meaning, that he was getting from you what he wasn't getting from Enid, and that the fact that you were having sex didn't entitle you to anything. You had to take what Enid left, so to speak, and be happy with it. Carl had never made any secret of the fact that he belonged to Enid and that all he wanted from you was pleasure and stress relief.

Carl didn't show up at your house for a few days, which made you even angrier; you were very torn. On the one hand, you longed for his visit and closeness, but on the other, part of you just wanted to send Carl to hell. And Enid right along with him.

You wanted Carl to look you in the eyes when you slept with each other.

You wanted to cuddle with him afterwards.

You wanted to fall asleep and wake up together with him.

You wanted to share more with him than a quick fuck now and then.

You wanted to stop being his lightning rod.

You wanted to laugh and cry with him and share your life with him.

You wanted to be in Enid's place.

When Carl finally came to see you three days later, the whole thing escalated. You let him in, and as usual, he immediately pulled you to him, threw his hat on the floor, kissed you demandingly, and directed you into the living room - not even taking the time to go upstairs to your bedroom with you, as he so often did. As if you weren't worth it!

But you had sex with him, of course you did, and while he fucked you with his pants down at the back of his knees, not particularly sensitively, without taking off his flannel and shirt and without even really looking at you (his fleeting, disinterested glances to make sure you were coming and he could let himself go didn't count for you) you made a decision.

After Carl finished with a groan, he immediately got up, cleaned himself up, pulled up his pants and walked over to the refrigerator without a word. He rummaged around in it, picked out the cheese and started eating it standing, leaning back against the sink and looking bored. Now that was really the limit. Carl was just using you, even though he wasn't really interested in you, he shot his load into you because it was better than jerking off, and then he didn't care any more about you and now he ate your cheddar with the greatest of ease!

Only with difficulty you could suppress the tears. "Carl," you finally managed to say.

Confused, he looked at you as if you didn't deserve his attention. "What is it? I've had a rough day." His voice sounded annoyed.

"That's exactly what I mean," you replied, unable to keep your voice from breaking. "It's over. I can't do this anymore."

Carl furrowed his brows. "What do you mean? What can't you do anymore?" he asked irritably.

"This!" you replied, starting to sob and pointing accusingly at the couch as if it was the furniture's fault. "You come in here, you fuck me like I'm just a piece of meat, and then you fuck off back to Enid! But first you eat my fridge dry! You treat me like shit!" you screeched.

Carl looked at you as if you had gone crazy. "I thought everything was settled between us?" he asked, puzzled. "I never promised you anything, Y/N, it was clear that I was with Enid, that you and I were just about sex, and that..."

"Yes, and that's over now! I can't do this anymore, Carl! You don't even look at me when you have your dick inside me, probably thinking about Enid!" you sulked.

"Wait a minute, that's nonsense," Carl retorted angrily. "You almost always cum on me, don't you? You have had your fun." He eyed you with folded arms. "You've never complained, anyway."

"That's not the fucking issue! You're only making a point of that so I'll keep allowing you to rail me whenever you feel like it. But I can't anymore, Carl. I... I love you. I don't want to be your side bitch anymore. I want to be more for you. Or never see you here in my house again." Now it was out, and you looked down at the floor with a red face.

"I guess I'd better go, then," Carl muttered, embarrassed and overwhelmed. "Get your mind off it first, and then maybe we can..."

"No, we can't. Why don't you piss off to your Enid, who never wants to sleep with you, and be happy with her anyway, and with your right hand!" you yelled after him as he headed for the front door. "You can pleasure yourself from now on when you're horny and Enid clenches her legs again. I'm not letting you use me anymore, anyway." Carl wordlessly closed the door behind him, and you sank to the floor weeping, broken and humiliated.

                                                 ***

During the next few days, you stayed mostly in the house - no way were you going to run into Carl or Enid. You were mad at yourself, because Carl was actually right: there had been a clear agreement between the two of you, and he had simply stuck to it; and of course you had been willing to let him fuck you. After all, he was Carl Grimes. That you developed feelings for Carl had not been planned, nor was it Carl's fault, and you had no right to expect him to reciprocate those feelings and leave Enid for you.

But anyway, you couldn't continue the affair with Carl any longer because it was breaking you, you had to get over it and forget about him. Of course, that wasn't easy since you both lived in Alexandria and you couldn't stay hiding in the house forever. Possibly moving to Hilltop was an option; you would talk to Maggie, she knew both Gregory and Jesus pretty well. Then you would never have to endure the sight of Carl and Enid as a couple again.

You put your plan into action the very next day and went to Maggie and Glenn's house. Unfortunately, you encountered Carl, of all people, who was sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee with Glenn, but you ignored him and his hello. "Can I talk to you in private?" you said to Maggie. Carl looked puzzled.

The conversation with Maggie revealed that she would help introduce you to Hilltop. Fortunately, she had been discreet enough not to ask why you wanted to go after you said it was private. As you were walking home, you suddenly heard rapid footsteps behind you. "Y/N, will you just wait a second," Carl gasped breathlessly, but you just kept walking. Still, he caught up to you effortlessly and grabbed your shoulder.

"Carl, leave me alone," you spat, "I told you I didn't want to see you anymore! That's so disrespectful of you again!"

He flinched, concerned. "Is it true you want to move away?"

"How do you know?" you asked defensively. "Were you eavesdropping?"

"Yes," he admitted straight out, looking at you faithfully with his one, oceanic eye. "But before you make that final decision...I wanted to talk to you again." Since you hadn't stopped and Carl had followed you, you had reached your house by now and you unlocked the door and allowed Carl to come inside with you, which you were already getting annoyed with yourself for again. After all, you had told him that you didn't want him around anymore, and now you were getting weak again?

You jammed your hands into your sides and scowled at Carl. "So, say what you have to say and then fuck off," you said unkindly.

"I like you too," Carl blurted out in surprise. "I didn't admit that to myself for a long time because... because I wanted the relationship with Enid to work out, but... I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't want to let the feelings happen though, so I acted like a jackass and acted like all I wanted from you was random sex, but that hasn't been true for a while now." You were speechless, just staring at Carl until he pulled something out of his pants pocket. It was a jewelry box, and he awkwardly handed it to you. "This... I had gotten it for Enid, but never gave it to her because it suddenly didn't feel right." He cleared his throat tensely. "I'm going to break up with her."

You flipped open the lid of the box. On black velvet lay two gold stud earrings with beautiful purple gemstones. "Carl, these... I don't know what to say," you murmured, overwhelmed by what had happened. "These are marvelous."

Carl approached you cautiously and hugged you more lovingly, unlike before, and he looked into your eyes before kissing you tenderly. "Shall we go upstairs?" he suggested. "I want to make love to you." The new wording didn't slip your mind - earlier, he'd only ever talked about fucking.

Upstairs, you slowly undressed each other, and for the first time you felt that Carl was actually aware of you. You lay down and stroked each other tenderly all over your bodies, kissing each other time and again. "I love you, Y/N," Carl whispered. "I'm so sorry I didn't realize it sooner." He spread your legs and started eating you out, this time taking his time, sliding his tongue deftly over your clit, faster and faster, until you came whimpering and soaking wet, only then he lay on top of you to gently penetrate you. He looked at you steadily as he thrust, and you could have drowned in the blue of his eye. You were squirming underneath him, stroking his lean, smooth back, moaning his name over and over. "Do you like it?" asked Carl breathlessly.

"Carl, yes, oh, I love you, oh Carl, pleeeaaaase," you gasped, kissing his shoulder. This is how you had craved it all along, yearned for this loving kind of intimacy with him. Carl sped up his poundings, paying close attention to your reactions. You came so hard you thought you were going to explode, and Carl brought you to orgasm two more times before allowing himself to cum with loud moans. "Do it inside, please," you begged, wrapping your legs around his hips. You just wanted everything from him, including his cum inside you. Carl squirted warmly inside you, filling your desperate pussy.

Tightly entwined, you then lay together, and Carl tucked the blanket around you, looking at you blissfully. "That's better?"

"Much better," you murmured wearily. "I can finally fall asleep with you."

"I'm yours, Y/N," Carl whispered, kissing you on the forehead. Finally, he was. Outside the window, the sunset was in full view.

--

Tags: @loveforcarl

(Send me a message if you want to be added to the tag list.)

[dearweirdme]

Been seeing people cry about lack of social media posts since 2016 when Jungkook didn't tweet for Tae's birthday for the first time, this was the first "Taekook broke up!" crisis I witnessed and it's happened approximately hundred times a year since. Afterward Tae told us that Jungkook cooked for him that day. Jungkook has never cared much for social media. He would disappear from Twitter for months at a time, he's the only member without an Instagram account, and he only has one post on his TikTok and is otherwise mostly using it to watch and like other videos. I really just don't think he is interested in making social media posts/content. He only seems to enjoy doing live streams, which makes total sense to me because he likes candidly talking to people instead of trying to write his thoughts down. He probably prefers supporting the people in his life through that kind of action, directly to them and personally. I get that. No one is ever gonna make me care about whether someone posts on social media or not. I am incapable of caring. It does not mean anything to me. I do not quantify friendship or relationship status based on that. The crazy thing is people going to Taekooker spaces to cry about this. I have to wonder if they're just looking for a reason to hate on one of them. Because surely they realize people here think there's much more to Taekook's relationship than what we are lucky enough to see. Jungkook texts him. Calls him. Walks/drives a few minutes to his house. COOKS FOR HIM. Probably...you know...does other stuff for him. 😁 Chill. I get people are disappointed with stream and YT numbers but stop projecting that and lashing out at people Tae cares about and who clearly care about him. You are only stirring up more negativity and that is not helping anything. It is an incredibly toxic mindset to think that not posting on social media means they don't care about each other. They do not owe you or any of us public demonstrations of their feelings or affections. Ever.

Hi anon!

I very much agree!

I thought what Jk said about Instagram during the live he did while he was in NY was very telling.

Instagram is great if you want to show the art you like, the clothes you wear, the traveling you do.. your interests, tastes and maybe some details about your life. I feel this is what Tae does, and Namjoon as well. Jk however, does not easily share those things. I think he doesn’t want to, because he also doesn’t mention much in his lives. Jk likes to show his honest reactions. That is how he show who he is. And it works for him. Take the live he did about Jimin, that is so much more showing his feelings (not in the jkk way ofcourse 😂) than sharing a post on instagram. Jk knows how fabricated Instagram can be. He has had so much experience with something being posted (not only on instagram) and it being different from the real situation probably.. and I can understand that not being what he wants now. By doing lives Jk is in charge of the moment and of what is being shown and what the context is.

Tae finds doing lives more difficult I think. In my opinion it’s because Tae does not want to share too much of his emotions and feelings with the world. Seeing him emotional during his live yesterday was really something to me.

[ruusattukoira]

energy leeching(probably not in the way you think), social anhedonia with lack of interest, neurodivergent way of living with social people who are also neurodivergent and your friends. it's a long post btw.

i'm possibly being seen as a bad friend, but i know most of my friends that i've known and have put in the effort of being my friend know i ultimately care about them but they also know i lack certain things and i'm still very much learning. most if not all my friends are also neurodivergent and we share some experiences, however social anhedonia sometimes feels like an experience i've been going through completely alone and how it affects me and possibly the people around me. it affects me most of the time during free time and sometimes in school, of course in school in the way of working in pairs or group projects and i often opt out on doing things by myself if there is not someone i have already clicked and tolerate enough to ask to work in pair with me and after the first time i kind of assume that hey they're alright with working in a pair so i don't have to ask again and to this time it's been so.

mm.. messages are a struggle but that's a shared experience with lots of neurodivergent people, even with some neurotypicals. but to me it's a struggle with continuing after mustering it up to message the person bc i know they're waiting for an answer but some times ive done it on purpose so i can just hear the validation of "yeah it's alright i undertsand", "dw about it" and more to that kind. although this feels like i'm using the person to feel validated on a struggle sometimes, but it feels justified because most of the time i do literally forget i've messaged someone and already gotten an anser back or i've fallen asleep and woken up never remembing to check my phone again before it's been well over eight hours. it just sometimes starts to feel like a chore or something alike, especially when i'm doing it during my free time like it's not mandatory and i would so much just rather keep away. i'm not personally interested in hanging out with my friends out of school, it's just not something i properly enjoy.

not to talk about it feeling like it doens't matter at all, they know i'm their friend still, they know i care. at least i hope they do, because i truly do, i just find it meaningless to say so because my way of caring is not in the words. i do things to show i care instead. sometimes it strikes me so odd when i'm forced into a discussion or just plain old convo when my friend spots me on a hallway or the road when both of us are going home bc school ended or going to school bc it's about to start. my friend, the social introvert that i've been talking about who basically adopted me and taught me about boundaries has a way of showing her care by words.

Especially on words of affermition. and it sometimes strikes me a bit odd, because i've never really enjoyed getting praised on something that i see as meaningless everyday thing. Exception is, when it's from the people that i actually search that praise from exclusively giving me praise on something i'm actually very passionate about such as drawing, but turn an event negative and any praise that comes afterwards will feel disgusting and pointless to give(happened during ninth grade class when i had a hard time sewing something and started crying because i failed so many times that i literally felt worthless in a deep level of failing on it and my teacher tried to praise me on little things afterwards during that class and i literally felt like asking her to stop because now it made me so deeply uncomfortable.).

on another experience of mine with this social butterfly friend is that she tends to yank me into convos weither i want to be in them or not. and the thing is i often think i show emotions on my face, when in truth i just stare at people in complete deadpan or with very very little almost unnoticable amount of emotion that they don't register to be there. so most of the time whether i am with her or someone else i will stand there with a deadpan expression and merely nod or hum bc i most of the time don't actually feel like speaking is important as long as my opinion isn't asked or there is no question in the sentence. Although being honest with you i do sometimes (feel like i) miss the question que and i have to ask them straight up if there is a question somewhere or if it was a legit question they were asking me and not a story they were reciting that had a rhetorical question.

i tend to avoid some of friends sometimes, and even the social butterfly that is my friend. since the social butterfly will literally pull me out to talk to me during end or start even just during school because she feels like it i kind of have no choice but to engage with them(although this person is very literal with boundaries and so, often asking if it's alright to come with you or if you want to be alone if you say you want to or will go out to get some air, she literally wouldn't even get mad at you for saying that you weren't currently interested in a convo bc of being tired lol). but i benefit of convo personally alot bc of her being very high energy so i don't mind because i often tend to leech off of that interaction because it makes a positive mark on my own energy. (as in i leech from her energy so ill be more energetic without making it a problem, it's subtle i don't think she realize it since they never avoid me lmao)

but this is not the whole case with my other friend that i see around school, he's i'd say more of a medium energy and i don't benefit much from speaking with him energy vice so i don't feel like speaking or interacting with him other than just either nodding a hi to him and walking past him after that because i'm not interested in talking to him. an exception is made if he starts the convo himself or the social butterfly is there with us, that's one of the only times i see mysef speaking with him in a full convo. (i speak more with him when it comes to words because we share some interests in marvel, spiderverse and ninjago to mention few that get us going in full on theorize this, headcanon that etc. unlike with the social butterfly if we aren't gushing about one of my classmate that ive got a possiböe aesthetic crush on, or gossiping about few of them bc some of them are old classmates of her and she wants to know if we're getting along etc or some shared interests in rpg and such.) i also tend to avoid people in school just because i'm never interested in talking to them at all, and even if i am i struggle to keep up with it before it goes away completely. i will literally just sit on my seat and stare at the wall ahead of me with the same never changing deadpan that warrants some glances from my teacher. apparently to my art teacher i seems solemn in expression while i have a resting bitch face when i'm completely neutral/deadpan looking lol.

is this shitty thing to do? yeah. do i care? no, not really.

oh also if you got to the end, i- congrats. literally this is a long ass post lol, you must have been bored af to read this.

[laireshi]

For the highly specific ship ranking meme, because I love to hear you talk about them: Caeden and any/all of the Venerate of your choosing. 😁

MY BLORBOS.

Well depending on the Venerate in question, and I'll get into that, we get any of those:

Squick / Just nope / A trainwreck you can’t look away from / Mehh but they are bloody everywhere / Not interested but no negative feelings / I need to see how I could make it work / BroTP / Cute / I love them / They rented a room in my mind and are here to stay

They're all way too tragic for the 'cute' option, and all hit the trainwreck part. And Caeden/anyone lives rent-free in my head. I love them all so much. They all love each other so much! I can't deal!!!

Obviously there's my biggest ship of Alaris/Caeden, but I'll save most of those feels for another ask I have yet to reply because I have too many feels and trying to write them down at once is too difficult XD But oh my god. Them. Their love. I. They were so important to each other. I think that, for a moment, Alaris really must've let himself hope, even knowing better, that an amnesiac!Tal could be talked around, and it kills me. He never stopped treating him like a friend. It's horrible. I love it.

...I'm very glad you just got to the Isiliar scenes because now I can talk about her! They're on the BroTP end of the scale though I'm sure they slept with each other back when everyone was happy and they were all friends. It's just, they were so fond of each other? Joking, working together, making good-natured bets. AND THEN TAL'KAMAR WENT AND IMPRISONED HER IN A TORTURE DEVICE FOR 2000 YEARS. Everything is fine I am doing so well. And then she hurt him so much after, but she had Licanius and she didn't stab him with it, and if that doesn't make you cry, I don't know what to say. So many people were ruined by loving him. So many.

I can't not mention Meldier now, and -- he'd been imprisoned in the Tributary too and he had all the chances to kill Caeden afterwards and didn't take any. (Still not over how he stops him from stepping out into the Plains of Decay). It kills me how close friends the Venerate had been before everything came crashing down. Freshly out of the Tributary, and a part of Meldier still cares! How! God. *cries more* (And then there's the part you haven't reached yet, so I won't talk about it, but just. Insert more crying.)

...yes yes I know Andrael got literally one scene in the whole trilogy outside of the many name-drops, but he called him 'Kein and I haven't and will not recover. Also that scene was insane. "Here's the only sword in existence that can kill one of us, and I forged it because of your actions, but I won't even try to threaten you with it because I love you". I want to know all about the time they worked on ilshara together and how they must've tried to reassure each other and all the kisses that tasted like salt. One day I'll do something with those feels and write them down. For now they keep living in my head.

I don't ship Asar with Caeden romantically because their scenes didn't give me those vibes, but they absolutely loved each other very very deeply. I keep thinking of how heart-breaking it must've been for Asar to see Caeden hate himself so much without even knowing his own history. The way he only called him Caeden once he was dying. The way he was killed right in front of Caeden -- trying to protect him from yet more emotional torment by Nethgalla -- and Caeden didn't even really know him. Didn't know who he lost. (I wonder when the grief really set in.)

...I think those are all that you've met so far and I hope you're crying about them too, @eirenical XD

[vickys-renewedphoenix]

My renewed Phoenix’s story

First Part:

One day she woke up not wanting to be called by her name anymore because she did not feel her body anymore nor remember who she was. Her reflection in the mirror wasn’t the same and she couldn’t remember anything that happened to her. She could walk and talk but she felt distant from her body like she was flying beside herself not living inside in her body anymore.

One day she meets this handsome man and she fell in love with him. He was the sweetest with such adorable gestures who never stopped to amaze her and make her stomach feeling the aurora’s mixed colors of an ocean wanting to fly away into wonderland.

One Christmas eve he took the time and made a moon shaped gift box to add her Christmas gift inside. That man had the best words and the best arguments with a beautiful angel smile with such brown eyes that it looked like the nature’s mountains itself. He didn’t love himself and always told her that she was the first person to ever love him and that made her feel extra special. She was so in love with him that she got blinded at times and only saw the good. How could someone not forgive such angelic soul, she surely couldn’t resist and with time he looked half angel and half devil and all he ever gave her afterwards was broken promises and burnt pages from her love story that had yet to just start with him. He never respected her body, nor did he even love her the way she deserved to be loved. She was dedicated to make things work with the one’s she loves and accepts to be part of her life. She had a big heart for others, and she had yet to find her wings to know she can achieve big things in this world and doesn’t need a man by her side to find herself.

She never gave up she cried multiple tears everyday but tried to give him chances and tried to help him with his alcohol and violence problems. He didn’t want any help, nor did he even understand how devilish he had become with her. His touch was cold and very painful on her body, and she lived though multiple phases of violence everyday. She one day swore to herself that if it got worse and more painful than that night that she would give her life away.

One night that night happened but the twist is that she got saved even thought it was the worst night of her life. He was out of control that night and he hadn’t even consumed any alcohol. She got taken away by police and was safe and physically looking fine but mentally it was a different story and that was the start of when she ended up not being in her body anymore.

She cried and cried from her pain she couldn’t stop with trouble breathing and she tried to remember but it was blank. Her brain was like Jello, and she was so mad at herself to have endured such violence. The next few days she tried not to give up she one day wake up and blocked out everything. She stopped crying, stopped feeling even the happiness was empty she became a living robot without any emotions and without any feelings. The next months following she was still blank, and she had to go back inside herself to remember. Day by day she unlocked the negative and once a big chunk of what she had painfully endured by the man she loved was remembered and separated in categories of violences she had to prepare herself and take the biggest decision of her life if she would speak about everything bad that happened to her. It wasn’t an easy decision because it was going to be filmed and have to speak with a detective that she doesn’t even know out loud openly about the worst parts of her life that made her lose herself and not feel anything anymore.

One morning she asked the world if she was bound to speak and find the strength to please give her the message to know in the morning sun with a yes or a no of if she should go on and talk openly or not about all the harm that he did to her. That morning the first thing that came to her mind was a big YES with a lot of braveness. She got ready for her appointment with the police and while getting ready she was scared and terrified and she cried of fear, but she went anyways and did what she had to do. She had to speak for justice. She had to find her voice the one she never had in front of her abuser because she was too scared to speak to be mistreated by him but that was her glory her win her time to speak. She spoke in front of mics and cameras and cried a few tears alongside of explaining her painful truth and her sad story. The most terrifying was waiting afterwards to see if the files were going to be accepted to court or not and if he could possibly have a chance to be punished for his actions. Fear and anxiety were eating her alive, but she fought through and a month after she found out that it got accepted and what he was accused of and altogether he had 21 accusations. She wasn’t surprised at what the accusations were, but she yet wasn’t returned inside her body she still had to find her Phoenix wings.

That morning she had lost her soul completely and decided to get some professional help. She went to hospital, and they decided to hospitalise her for her trauma that all the violences had caused on herself and her mental health. She found out why she wasn’t herself and the news wasn’t easy to hear but she was gladly happy to know what was wrong with her. She was suffering with a major depression along side of panic attacks anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and due to the bad post-traumatic stress, she developed psychosis and wasn’t doing any good. She stopped eating and drinking for 9 days to detox her body of him because she was convinced that his DNA was everywhere inside her blood and her body. She couldn’t shower anymore because it felt like he was touching her. She had bad blood work; her kidneys were not working properly, and her liver was not in good shape due to the lack of nutrition and hydration. She got scared when they said that they would court order her so she decided to eat she could cry while eating and cry while showering but she bravely did it anyways. She couldn’t go outside anymore because she always felt like she was going to get attacked. She thought peoples knew what she went through just by looking at her and it made her very distress and anxious everyday. She saw humanins as a threat she couldn’t be close to any men or any human being that she didn’t fully trust. She went through all this and she ended up being able to go to Walmart alone and face her fears.

Written by: Vicky Wallace

[supersodapop]

This is just a vent about family, feel free to ignore.

The older I get the more I come to terms with the fact my one sister totally abused me both physically and mentally. The reason why we have such a strained relationship today is because of my childhood with her. Doing a read more for this vent, because it has to do with some of the stuff and she did both physically and mentally hurt me across our childhood - and the mental stuff continues even today.

So, growing up I was always told that siblings always fight. It was part of growing up. That sometimes, we will get physical and say things to hurt one another.

The only problem was, I grew up in a family with four kids. My sister closest to me in age always went out of her way to do things to me that, at the time, I dismissed as normal sibling things. Of course, even now, some if it I still think was just us being kids - but then when I started to discuss things with people more outside of my family I’ve come to realize that my sister stepped out of line multiple times. Even discussing it with my parents as an adult, they felt guilty because they too felt she went out of line but I want to make it clear: I don’t really have any frustrations towards my parents for this. All of these actions are my sister’s own actions that she still tries to do even today.

When we were kids my sister would call me fat, she would constantly talk about how I was worthless. She’d tell me I was adopted (though I want to stress there isn’t anything wrong with adoption! I want to someday!) and my sister would use that as if it were a negative saying how I don’t fit in with our family. She’d pull my hair, hit me until I would bleed or bruise and constantly try to pin the blame on me. There would be days where I just would try not to speak to her, and she would come into my room - my safe space - and physically hurt me. One day when we were home alone and my dad stepped out to go to the bank, she threw me onto the floor where my head almost hit the corner of a piece of furniture, and pinned me on the ground by neck and was screaming at me to die.

She’d steal things of mine, destroy them, tell me that someone like me doesn’t need toys. When I started playing video games as an escape, she’d always stand in the doorway and mock me. She’d go outside and bang on the window of the room I was in and yell slurs and threats if I didn’t stop playing on the machine. Once she came into the room and managed to knock over the furniture the TV was sitting on, nearly breaking the TV and proceeded to say I did it.

What hurt the most to deal with was the constant bombardment of comments telling me I’m worthless and the invasion of my personal space. Sure, siblings and family tend to sometimes go beyond that boundary, but my sister went way beyond what normal siblings would do. She’d go into my room when I’m doing homework or just trying to read, pin me in a corner, rip up the paper I was using, and yell into my face. Sometimes she’d even continue hitting me until I was crying on the ground. The only time the physical beat downs would stop was when I was finally old enough and taller than her - when I could physically defend myself but after years and years of torment and bullying from my sister the one time I did it, I broke down crying alone afterwards because I didn’t felt freed as long as she would continue to be around me.

I say my sister went well beyond the stages of normal sibling fighting and rivalry because I had two other siblings older than the both of us who acted normal. Yeah, I got into arguments with those two siblings all the time, but neither of them ever choked me or beat me until I was nearly knocked out. Neither of my other two siblings would torment me and call me worthless or not part of the family. Neither of my other two siblings would sit there and try to make my life a living hell. They’d tease me and sometimes roughhouse, but at the end of the day we could always discuss our differences. My other sister isn’t like that. She even as a 30 something year old continues to try and make my life a living hell any time I try to interact with her, then she loves to feign ignorance like she’s never done a single thing to me in our entire lives. 

This is so frustrating, because her first husband meant the world to me. He was a brother to me, a true sibling who treated me with kindness and respect. He’s a role model of mine who I often think back to who encouraged me to finish my undergraduate degree. Without him, I would have quit college. He always stood up to my sister to defend me. Even though he did love my sister, he never let her treat me badly when he was around. She never really liked that, but the relief when he was still alive and I was able to be treated like a human being whenever he was around. It’s such a twisted feeling - because he seriously felt like family to me. He felt more of a sibling than my sister ever could be. It’s such a complicated frustrating feeling, because he ended up marrying my sister - the person who tormented me. But I felt like, as long as he were around, then maybe there was hope that my sister and I could manage to work out our strained relationship. He passed away. Ever since our relationship has gotten worse and worse. Even after I spent years trying to help her get back on her feet after the loss.

Now as an adult who can stand up to myself, I don’t usually let my sister’s actions slide. I even tried for years to try to develop a relationship with her only to now realize she was just mentally abusing me the whole time. I would go out of my way to help her - so much so that I put my life on hold for two years while she wallowed in her own self pity. I helped raise her first kid for a while with the help of other family members and it took so much time out of my life that I missed out on a good couple of years just because I was trying to help her because she was family. I wasn’t really asking for anything in return, I loved her son as if he were one of my own. My nephew and all my other nieces and nephews are special to me because they are family and I adore them so much. But if being around them means I have to constantly hear my sister tear me down about my life, it unfortunately isn’t healthy for me to continue being around them constantly. All I hear from my sister nowadays is her radicalized republican viewpoints and how I’m just wrong about everything I’m doing in my life. Because I didn’t make the same choices she did, because I went to graduate school I am wrong. I’m apparently, yet again, a lazy and worthless individual who is now SELFISH because I chose to do something for myself and further my education. Any time she gets to talk to me for more than five minutes now, she always gaslights me and continues to beat down my beliefs and choices in life. She constantly threatens me saying how making choices to better myself is selfish and how I need to focus on our family. She always uses family as the excuse as to why I can’t move away for my own well being or why I can’t go further my career elsewhere. It’s always, “you’re going to abandon the family if you leave,” and quite frankly, I’m tired of it. I’m tired of acting nice for family, and I’m tired of trying to be friends with the constant negative person in my life who has done nothing for me unless she was forced to by our parents. I’m done giving favors to someone who truly doesn’t appreciate the time, effort, and love I have tried to give them.

Just because a person is family does not mean that I have to continue to suffer by listening to the harsh words that they have told me for decades now. I’m tired of my life being a living hell when I’m around my family and it literally being caused by only one person. Nobody in my family who is ever around is willing to stand up for me - my parents think we can talk things out when I’ve tried and we can’t. My oldest sister tries to be a peacekeeper, but knows our sister is a lost cause yet she refuses to call her out on it when she knows our sister is in the wrong, and my brother MOVED away because he couldn’t stand the constant nagging our sister gave to him on top of our parents’ expectations of him. I’m often left alone to fight my own battles with her and quite frankly, I’m done putting up with it. 

[maijobi]

“see you”

okkotsu yuuta x reader

summary: when yuuta’s disappearance has much more of an effect on you than you every thought…

a/n: I had a totally different idea for this,, but it didn’t work out so I came with this. not proofread and I’ll probably change certain things when im not high on sleep deprivation.

—————————————————————-

everyday was a joyful day. well at least, you tried to make it joyful. you didn’t see the purpose in wanting to make your day worse by thinking too much so everything was always so sudden, energetic and for some people maybe a little annoying. but those were things you never cared about. people’s opinion didn’t matter to you. you lived your life for yourself and not for anyone else, so why not try to make the best out of it?

you weren’t easily budged so having missed the bus and running to school in the rain instead didn’t even concern you in the slightest. you had a toast in your mouth and took whatever drink you had in the fridge and ran out the door with your umbrella in one hand and your drink in the other. you were basically jumping in every puddle you saw, not caring if your socks got wet. a big smile was on your face because who didn’t enjoy jumping in puddles with bread in your mouth. you looked at the drink you had taken out of the fridge and got happy that it was strawberry milk, your favourite. 

with the speed you were running you knew you’d make it just in time for classes, but before you could reach the school building you saw a young man sitting on a bench. head down, hands intertwined and looking miserable. 

well grumpiness in the morning wasn’t for you, so even if you could put a small smile on his face you’d be more than happy. so before you knew it you were standing in front of the guy, holding the umbrella above the two of you. his gaze slowly turned in your direction, his eyes were red and swollen so that indicated that he was probably crying. you gave him a big smile, showing a full set of teeth. you weren’t ashamed the slightest. you handed him the umbrella and placed the strawberry milk on his lap. 

before he could say anything you took your bag and placed it over your head and started running In the direction of school. you heard him calling after you and when you turned around you could swear you could see a faint smile on his face. so in return you waved at him. “see you”, you found yourself saying while running through the school grounds. 

the day after you saw him sitting there again after having missed your bus again, he handed your umbrella and mumbled a thank you and you’d only smile at him and leave with a sprint because you’d miss school otherwise. 

the day after that you saw him again, sitting yet again in the rain with a miserable look. so you gave him your umbrella and, for this time, banana milk and started running with your bag over your head to school. he’d try to call for you again and you’d only turn your head while running and would scream “see you” again. 

and before you knew it you’d purposely miss every bus and run to school, just so you could see him on that bench every morning. so you could give him your umbrella in the rain and he’d give it back on sunny days and would mutter a shy “thank you” while you’d scream “see you” after every meeting. 

you started to leave the house earlier so you could see him and maybe even talk with him and when you’d see him sitting on that bench you made your way to sit next to him. he didn’t notice it was you yet so you spoke up. “huh, that much for giving you my umbrella every two days”, you said with a pout.

his face shot in your direction and you could see the flush red ears and slightly tinted cheeks as he looked at you. 

“you know, buying you an umbrella would solve many of your problems, but I seem to find it more fun to give you mine and get it back afterwards while you thank me”, you said. “I don’t think i’ve properly introduced myself.” you rose from your seat and stood in front of him while stretching out your arm. “i’m y/n, nice to meet you.”

he smiled at you and shook your hand. “okkotsu, okkotsu yuuta.”

“did you know you have very beautiful eyes yuuta”, you said as you pulled him closer.

he’d blush again and you’d laugh. “i’m looking forward to meet up with you more often.”

and you’d see him every day. every morning ten minutes before classes would start, because even If it were only ten minutes with him they made you feel the happiest. not even jumping in a puddle could relate to the feeling you had when you were with him. 

you would wake up in the morning trying to look better for him. wear your pretty socks or try to make your hair look slightly better than usual and every so often you’d wear a mask to let your skin glow. you found yourself doing things you’d never thought you’d do for someone. suddenly you cared a lot.

you’d figure out all kinds of things about him. his family, his past, his friends (which he didn’t have much). you learned his reason behind his gloomy days and you figured out the reason why he never went to school. “heeh, you pervert. bet you’re just looking at all the passing high school girls.”

he’d worriedly and anxiously try to tell you that was not the case because he was also a high school student, even though you were well aware he’d never actually look at every girl going to school. his reasoning was that he had special tutoring, something you’d never heard before. probably some extra math classes or something. well it wasn’t as if it would have much effect on you. 

it was raining again and you were ready to see yuuta again, but when you were running happily to the bench and sprung in every puddle in the meanwhile you saw he wasn’t there. and he wasn’t there again for several weeks that turned into months.

mornings weren’t special anymore and as much as you hated that this had an effect on you you couldn’t help the growing ache in your chest. you’d jump in puddles on rainy days, but they didn’t give you as much joy as they used to. you tried to run with your bag on your head to work up some adrenaline, but nothing really worked. nothing gave you the joy you wanted. 

many months passed and you found yourself being the person you hated. being the person you did not want to become. being the person that thought too much and let negative thoughts overpower your brain.

it was raining again and you found yourself missing the bus on accident this time. so you walked, not ran, but walked to school that day with no umbrella, no flavoured milk and no bag over your head to protect you from the rain. just you walking in the rain getting completely drench. you saw the bench and made your way to it. you thought of yuuta and sat down at the exact spot he’d sit down. 

you hated every moment. you didn’t wanna sit there and remember. you wanted to move on and be happy. who was yuuta anyways? some dude that forgot his umbrella every day? and yet you couldn’t move an inch. the rain had stoped, but the sounds were still there and suddenly a small bottle of strawberry milk was placed on my lap. you shot your head up and your eyes widened. and umbrella over your head.

“it’s unlike you to see you so gloomy in the morning”, he’d say with his oh so familiar smile. he changed. his hair changed and he grew taller. his face matured and he look a lot more calm rather than anxious like he used to be.

you didn’t realize it until he brushed his hand under your eyes that you were crying. “why did you leave so suddenly?”, you asked. 

“I can’t tell you the whole story yet, but I promise you that I will one day”, he said as he placed a hand on your cheek. “i’m sorry for leaving you so suddenly.”

you took his hand and lowered it from your face. “you can’t just disappear for months and come back only with a sorry expecting me to forgive you. i’ve been through hell. don’t ask me why you leaving had such an effect on me, but it did. I found myself worrying about what you’d think of me, even though something like that never happened to me before. I was happy to see you every morning and I hate how much of a bitter aftertaste you left behind when you didn’t show up for the past months. I hated you. I hated you so much, that I couldn’t even stop thinking about you. and I couldn’t stop myself from caring about you”, you said through tears.

“then let me make it up to you”, he whispered.

you knew what was coming and you let it happen. because you craved his touch and you craved to feel his lips on yours. so when they touched it felt ever so lightly that you found yourself intoxicated by it. you wanted more and pulled him closer as if he’d leave again. you didn’t give him a second to break it while letting your lips dance together. your heart was hammering in your chest and your brain was a mess.

you weren’t going to let him off the hook so easily. a kiss couldn’t stop you from being angry. but the kiss told you that he was ready to stay and was a form of saying that he wasn’t going anywhere. so your repeated see you’s were not a waste of hope. 

[wallflowerimagines]

Angst idea? Karl finds out reader stopped taking antidepressants and was about to off themself?

Hey anon, I am willing to write this, but if you live in the US the national suicide hotline is : 800- 273- 8255

Be safe. You matter. You always matter.

Tw: Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts, Medications, Depression are all discussed under the read more. Unhealthy coping mechanisms from Heisenberg. 18+.

Karl Heisenberg x Suicidal! Reader

Sometimes you feel like no matter how hard you try, nothing works.

You're doing everything right-- taking your medication, talking to a therapist, hell you're even being social, but... it's the same. Everything is the same.

It doesn't get better.

So you just... stop taking your meds. They're not working anyway, so why take something that just makes you feel even more different and weak?

And it's not even like you get worse afterwards, which just reaffirms your negative thought process-- you are broken. Unfixable. The medicine did nothing to help, and now...

What now?

What are you supposed to do, when you are fundamentally broken? Bad to the core?

...you get your affairs in order.

Your main concern is Karl. You do love him, and you want him to be happy, no matter what happens to you and your body. If he somehow managed to find you bloodied and broken, it will hurt him, and that's the last thing you want to do.

You decide it will be an "accident". You complain about having trouble sleeping, and get some pills to help. Karl accepts this, and you get something for your "problem" without him becoming suspicious.

You keep up the ruse for the next couple of weeks, taking one pill a night to help with the "trouble" you're having. And then, the stars align: Karl has to head out to pick up some supplies.

You almost cry. You hug him tightly, pulling him in for one last kiss. He might not know it, but you want his last memory of you to be full of love. Nothing that you are about to do is because of him, and you want him to know that.

Karl seems... suspicious at your behavior. He tells a joke or two, suggesting that you might be trying to get him out of the house for something, but you do your best to assure him that there's nothing wrong.

You're just tired. So, so tired.

And then he leaves, and it's time.

It takes a while for you to gather the courage. You consider writing a note, but that doesn't fit the narrative of an "accident". No matter how much you want to, you can't. You don't want him to suspect anything.

So, after a while, you get settled in bed, open the cap on the medicine bottle, and shake out as many pills as you can swallow.

And then, just before you shove it all in your mouth, Karl walks into the bedroom.

You both freeze. There's a half second where you can see him absorbing the sight in front of him. His expression sort of... Goes blank.

Then, he lifts a hand, and thin sheets of metal peel off the bedpost and clench around your wrists, then pin you to the wall. The pills tumble out of your palm.

Karl is shit with emotions. You know this. But it still gives you this genuine shock when he starts screaming at you.

Heisenberg is PISSED. It's mostly to hide how terrified he is, but he can't stop himself from screaming at you.

Why would you do this? How dare you do this? You're his partner! His other half! His best friend! What the fuck were you thinking??

What did he do wrong?

It's also one of the only times you see him cry. He doesn't take off his sunglasses like he normally does around you, but there are angry tears streaming down from his eyes as he screams his throat raw.

He doesn't let you leave your room at all until he can secure you some help. He doesn't talk to you either. No matter how hard you beg, scream, cry, nothing you could possibly say can convince him to let you out of the cuffs.

He can't trust you not to hurt yourself, so he doesn't leave your side if he can help it. When he does have to leave, your hands are pinned up to the wall once again.

The man hand feeds you, takes care of all your physical needs, but nothing you can do will convince him to let you go until he gets the appointment with your therapist and you BOTH go to the appointment.

He even re-ups your previous perception and forces it down your throat until then. Karl doesn't care if it "doesn't work for you", so what? Tough shit. You're taking it until you get prescribed something better.

Before this, Karl would occasionally sleep in his workshop, but now he keeps you in a tight hold against him at night. It's like cuddling with a vice grip. You never have a moment alone.

In fact, He will have panic attacks if you're out of his sight for too long. He adores you. The idea of anything happening to you, especially if it's self inflicted, causes him such a deep feeling of anxiety that he short circuits and shuts down.

Basically, Heisenberg turns into a control freak about you and your habits. You are the most important person in his life, and until he is absolutely certain this isn't going to happen again, you will not be left alone.

It's not the healthiest coping mechanism, but you can't convince him to stop. Until he gets confirmation from SEVERAL different sources, that's not going to change.

You two can recover from this, but it will be a long, hard road. Let him stress about your safety, and let yourself get help. That's the only way things will get better.

[redpandaramblings]

Like Caramel For Chocolate- An Omega Bakugou x Alpha f!Reader fic. Part 3.

Part 1- Here

Previous part Here

Next Part Here

Content Warning: Negative headspace, omegaverse, self deprecation, depressive thoughts, pushy parental figures, ambiguous omegaverse reproduction, unhealthy relationships, relationship that could be easily fixed if idiots would use their words and communicate, Shinso/Denki side relationship

Where we left off-

You glanced up at the sound of the door. In came your parents, then the Yokomadas. You did a double take as the final person, the omega you were here to meet, entered the room. They looked equally as startled as your eyes locked.

“Y/N?”

“Denki?!”

You slowly walked through the teahouse garden, your electric blond friend oddly silent as he kept pace with you. Your parents and the Yokomadas had allowed the two of you a bit of privacy to talk. So far, neither of you had mustered the courage to break the awkward atmosphere. Neither your parents or the Yokomadas had seemed to pick up on Denki or your mood. If anything, they were thrilled you two already knew each other. With a sigh, you sat on a bench by the koi pond, not looking at the blond as to settled down next to you. After several minutes, he spoke.

“So. What are you doing here?”

You snorted, and gently dumped your shoulder against his.

“Right back at you, Pikachu.”

“I’ll tell you. After you tell me.”

You chuckled humorously, and tilted your head back to look at the sky.

“Would you believe me if I said I was just here to appease my mother?”

Denki considered for a moment before shaking his head.

“No. You’ve been saying no to her for years. So tell me, why are you here.”

You take a deep breath and let it out again slowly through your nose.

“I… I think I wanted to be here. Needed to.” You wrung your hands, throwing a sideways glance at Denki. “I… I want to be mated. Have a family. Have someone who needs me and lets me need them. I used to think Kat… I used to think Bakugou was my person. But I’m not sure anymore, Denks. You know what he’s like and so do I, but I’ve waited for years, and nothing, and I’m so tired, and I’m not even sure he even likes me anymore, and…” You’re stopped by Kaminari gently rubbing your back.

“Breath, Y/n. Come on. Deep breaths.”

You inhaled shakily. You hadn’t even noticed you’d been hyperventilating. Quiet settled again, aside from the sounds of nature and your slowly slowing breathing. After a few moments, you spoke again.

“I’m just so lonely, Denks. I see him every day, and I’m still so goddamn lonely. So I think… I think it’s time to let go.” Your lips twitched slightly upward as you tilt your head to look at him. “Am I terrible?”

Denki huffed out a breath and shook his head. “You? Never.” He sighed, removing his hand from you back as he began picking at the hem of his sleeve. “I wish I could say I didn’t understand. But I do. I’m kinda here for the same reason after all.”

You gave an encouraging hum and reached out, taking his hand in yours and running your thumb over his knuckles. He interlaced your fingers, giving a squeeze before continuing to speak.

“You know how I feel about Shinso, right?”

“I think everyone but Shinso knows how you feel about him.”

Denki snorted. “Yeah. Not surprised. But that’s the problem. I’ve liked him for years. Little bit of a crush but at UA, thought I could play it cool and it would go away; but then the agency paired us together and, well.” Denki gestured with the hand not holding yours. “It was so easy! I’d go boom! And then he’d go pow! Then shoom! It was amazing! He was amazing… And so I tried to get his attention. I tried so damn hard. And you know me.”

You snorted, giving his hand a squeeze. “You’re about as subtle as a brick through a living room window.”

“Exactly!” He shouted, pulling away to stand up and pace. “I flirted. I used all my best pick up lines. I asked him out to the club, and he said yes. But do you know what he said afterward? He said though it wasn’t his usual scene, it was really good being able to hang out with a friend. I… I asked him to spend my heat with me.”

You inhaled sharply. Kaminari looked at you with an expression you hardly recognized. He collapsed onto the bench, leaning heavily against you.

“He said ‘I’m glad you’re that comfortable with me, but it probably would be better for you to ask someone else.’” Denki whispered, sniffling.

“Oh.. Denki.” You wrapped your arms around the blond, squeezing him tightly. Half out of instinct, you tried to pump out soothing pheromones while you gently scented his hair. “He doesn’t know what he’s missing, sweetheart. You’re a wonderful omega!”

That was all it took for Denki to start sobbing heavily in your arms. You squeezed him tightly as tears filled your own eyes. The tears fell when Denki wrapped his arms around you, hugging you just as tightly as you held him. There in the tranquil garden you both huddled together as you finally allowed yourself to cry. Years of hurt and longing fell from your eyes one drop at a time.

You weren’t sure how long it had been when the two of you slowly pulled away from each other. You used your thumbs to wipe Denki’s cheeks. He gave you a halfhearted smile.

“So,” you asked tentatively, “what should we do? They’re going to expect an answer from us about this whole…” You waved a vague hand “Marriage date thing.”

Denki hummed, puffing up his cheeks as he blew out a breath. “God, I don’t know. Certainly wasn’t expecting it be you, you know? No offense.”

You drew back, gasping in mock anger. “Full offense!” You could only hold your expression a few seconds before you started snickering.

Denki grinned his first really grin of the day. “Well excuuuuse me for insulting your alpha sensibilities.”

“You’re excused. For now.”

You both chuckled. Looking out at the pond, you spoke again. “I just wish I had the right answers. And I really wish we had more time.”

Denki furrowed his brow. “Well… Technically, we could.”

“What do you mean?”

Denki bounced on his seat. “Okay. So. Hear me out. We both need time to process, clearly. Also clearly, our families are just not gonna give us that. So… Why don’t we do this?”

“Wait. Wait. We do this?” you asked, both curious and incredulous.

“Yeah! Think about it. One! They mainly want us in relationships they approved of. They set us up, so clearly, they approve. Two! If we say we’d like to try out this match, they obviously aren’t going to set up any more dates; therefore buying us time. And bonus of no annoying randos. Three! We can say we’re going to take the relationship slow because we’ve both been burned before and want to make sure. Four! Four…” Denki trailed off, looking at his feet.

“Four is maybe if we can’t find a love match at least we’re friends who work well together?” You murmured.

Denki nodded, glancing at you with a rueful smirk. “Yeah. Exactly. Vibe on the same wavelength. Hell, we even want similar shit in life.”

“Actual house, few pets, stability…”

Denki nodded again. “Sucks, but would make sense for us to consider it. As much as I fucking hate the ‘You’re not getting any younger’ speech, they are kind right. We can’t waste all our time waiting for things that aren’t gonna happen.”

You shook your head with a chuckle. “God, don’t you hate it when they’re right about shit like that?”

“You have no idea.”

You stood, stretching. “Well, I guess we go tell them, then.”

Denki groaned. “There isn’t enough saki in the world for that conversation.”

“And just so we’re clear, this stays between us for now, right? No one knows but us, our folks, and I guess your cousins.”

“Agreed. I don’t want to think about what anyone would say. Bakugou would kill me!”

You winced. “Unlikely. I doubt he’d care. But if Mina finds out, everyone will know.”

“You’re not kidding. No worries from me, I don't want this getting out any more than you do.”

“So… Engaged, I guess?”

Denki dusted himself off and stood. “Deal. Engaged.” Denki stuck his hand out, and you shook it.

You both turned and started making your way back to the teahouse, taking your time and going the long way to be sure to avoid and of the other patrons. This was fine. A good plan. Nothing could go wrong as long as no one found out.

And there you have part 3! Sorry the wait and thank you all for being patient! If anyone has any questions regarding the fic or how this particular omegaverse operates, please feel free to shoot me an ask. Also, please note that @snuggleyourredpandas is my main account, so it you see a message reply from them, that's me!

TAGLIST- @yzviea, @not-a-pushover, @thelilypieforever, @kumihayu, @aomi04, @ladybakugouu, @one-simp-more, @hakunamatatayqueen, @my-thoughts-are-weird, @left-alone-yuki, @officialtrashbusiness Just a reminder, if you want tagged make sure you have the ability to be tagged turned on; and I'd have to be informed if your blog name changes! Cheers, Darlings!

[renchinworld]

NCT DREAM AS TYPES OF GROOMS ♡

before, during and after the wedding

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, NCT DREAM! ♡

- gender neutral

- on crack, what’d u expect from this account lmao XD

- the picture qualities are Jurassic negative HD 0.4K but they still look good because dem visuals infinity/10

DISCLAIMER: Considering that not everyone has the same religion and wedding traditions, just imagine that this is for y’all own culture & religion’s weddings. Also, these men will be down to marry you a thousand times in one lifetime so.... conducting a ceremony again is no problem (that equates to more honeymoons and we love honeymoons).

♡ MARK

The “I do this for my squad, I do this for my gang” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: The type to inform family and friends a year before the actual wedding (he says it's an adult thing). You and Mark will have everything ready as early as possible so y'all can just chill as the date draws near. Will also be loud about it but not in an intentional way, he’s just neomu excited.

⊰⊹ DURING: Dude will throw finger guns to the guests *ehem* Johnny & Yuta *ehem* while he’s literally right next to the priest. He will also shed a few tears and laugh at himself for crying as he sees you walking down the aisle. Will never forget to thank God for blessing him with you ♡

⊰⊹ AFTER: Mark will dance with you in different genres (except there’s no twerking and grinding because you gotta leave space for Jesus). After the big reception, there will be a smaller reception at home with just you, him and yall parents before the actual honeymoon. He will do everything you like once you two are alone tho ;)

♡ RENJUN

The “You’ll remember this as the wedding of the century” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Renjun's the type to write the most touching and heartfelt vow that will make you both cry and then add some savage twist at the end which will make everyone laugh (flashback to Haechan's birthday vlive). He will also make sure that everything--from the theme to the background music--is aesthetic af.

⊰⊹ DURING: Mans will 100% cry as he pictures you and him spending your entire lives together once he sees you walk down that aisle. Also, he is genuinely crying happy tears but will wipe them dramatically while he’s being filmed by your wedding videographer for ✧ remembrance and effect ✧

⊰⊹ AFTER: “Renjun, why is the temptation of wife OST playing in the background?”

He will sing close to your ear and give you a peck on the lips once in a while while everyone's busy partying. You two will greet the guests for a short while and then escape in a private plane to an island getaway for your honeymoon… it will take off in front of everyone because... ✧ art ✧ Also, get ready for the most romantic love making in Maldives ;)

♡ JENO

The “You thought it’d be no jam but it was actually the best wedding” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Lets you take charge of planning, but when he suggests his ideas it’s so top notch that you’ll be all “why aren’t you saying more?” and it’s because he believes that the wedding is not as important as the person he is marrying (opposite to Jaemin: Jeno thinks you’ll be happier if he just lets you do whatever you want--as an act of letting you have freedom in your creativity). He’ll be super helpful if you need it tho so no worries.

⊰⊹ DURING: Will accidentally open your veil before the person in charge says “you may now kiss the bride/groom.” He doesn’t care about the cameras, all he sees is you, you and you. Jeno won't cry in the actual event but he will be teary eyed af for sure (he's saving the tears for when you guys are alone).

⊰⊹ AFTER: He will take all his chances to carry you and hold you in his arms all night long. Jeno’s signature eye smile will be plastered on his face all night. That innocent face also prepared a bed of roses and other surprises in your room ready for the honeymoon ;)

♡ HAECHAN

The “We’re not going home until someone blacks out” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Haechan will pull a prank on you before the wedding so that you’ll coming running to him and he’ll see you (he can’t take the “you can’t see each other the night before the wedding” tradition because he misses you already). He will even make the vow writing a group activity lmao: “Whatchu writing?” “Haechan, stop looking! This is supposed to be a surprise.”

⊰⊹ DURING: He will tell everyone “I’m not gonna cry, that’s sus” but will definitely cry while laughing and get laughed at by family and friends lightheartedly. Haechan will say the funniest vows out of everyone but will also make you emotional because he can switch from being humorous to serious in 0.00001 second.

⊰⊹ AFTER: Reception is real party vibes; it’s not over until it’s game over. He might get bored eventually so you too will sneak out laughing in your wedding attires and just chill around the hotel’s swimming pools. He might also push you into a pool so he can save you and bathe you afterwards ;)

♡ JAEMIN

The “I’ve been dreaming of this my whole life” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: He’ll make the wedding planner question their entire existence (opposite to Jeno: Jaemin thinks you’ll be happier if he plans the wedding for you--as an act of service). He’ll be super open to your suggestions though and will immediately change up anything you don’t agree with so no worries.

⊰⊹ DURING: Jaemin will also give one of the funniest vows but it's because he's unintentionally funny in his speech delivery. He will say the sweetest and uplifting words, refraining from being too emotional because he doesn't want to see you cry... but you still do. Dude might do mild aegyo in front of everyone just to see you smile again (you know the finger on pouty lips one that he does with Renjun? Yep, that one).

⊰⊹ AFTER: He will drag you somewhere when everyone’s busy partying just so he can give you a kissth. He’s down to party with your family and friends but only if you’re always by his side. And he definitely won't care if the party's over or not--once he sees that you’re tired or want to be alone with him, he'll announce to everyone that you guys are gonna bounce… and bounce you shall ;)

♡ CHENLE

The “We can afford a Kardashian wedding but I’d rather keep it simple” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Boi WILL 100% invite his bestie Stephen Curry. There will be three weddings: one for the grand wedding (at an arena for all of Shanghai to see--he doesn’t like this one but gotta keep those investors in check, you know?). Another for a small circle wedding (just family and friends). The last will be the “just the two of us casually exchanging chips and diamond rings while playing pubg” wedding

⊰⊹ DURING: Daddy Chenle will never forget to mention his son Mark in his vows and speeches. His whole clan will shower you with gifts and affection so much that he doesn’t know if he should be happy or annoyed because they’re not giving you two enough time to spend YOUR wedding together. He’s staying put though because hakuna matata #the scorpio side jumped out

⊰⊹ AFTER: No one else is allowed to touch you except for him. He will carry you bridal style away from the building and to his car so he can have you all to himself. He’ll definitely cry happy tears when it's just the two of you.

♡ JISUNG

The “We really should’ve married in secret instead” Groom

⊰⊹ BEFORE: Will let you take control of the event but will pitch in his creative ideas here and there. Jisung insists that you have a small wedding but the number of NCT members is far from small lol. There's also a high chance of a beach wedding because he loves the open area (gives him more space to breathe plus he’ll see Haechan and Renjun trying to drown each other in the distance and that’s free entertainment).

⊰⊹ DURING: Dude will 100% get clowned by the NCT members while saying his vows (honorable mention: dreamies). He might rap some of his words out of nervousness (which everyone finds cute because it is). He will be all shy and awkward at first and then surprise everyone by his sudden bold moves (e.g. dip you as he kisses you, say the sweetest things). He will also cry happy tears as he sees you walk down that aisle.

⊰⊹ AFTER: He's truly grateful for all the support and love of everyone who attended but as an introvert and an Aquarius Plus Pro Max, he’ll be wishing on the inside that everyone just goes home already so you two can have fun alone. Mans will still get clowned by the members even during the reception but he doesn’t mind because he’s clowning them back now. His hand will be glued to your waist all night and he will sneak in a few kisses here and there.

♡ OT7:

- Everyone will get clowned by the other members regardless of the event so a wedding isn’t an exception. So either you protect your husband or join in on the light teasing... or both. 

- You may also get clowned. It’s NCT we’re talking about.

- This is a work of fiction. Except the clownery & RenHyuck drowning each other in Jisung’s wedding. That’s true to life.

Happy Anniversary to our Dreamies >u< we love you guys sm!

[douxie-casperan]

Rise of the Titans and the assassination Hisirdoux Casperan’s character development

I’ve been ranting so much since Wednesday morning that I finally condensed by thoughts of WHY this one subject keeps setting me off namely the utterly diabolical way they handled Douxie and Archie’s relationship in Rise of the Titans and how it wasn’t just enough to hit him with the nerf bat.

Please note I’m at the point where I literally cannot tell the difference between Aaron headcanons, Teny headcanons and my own they are all mixed together in the blender that does funky things. I also apologise for typo/weird wording it’s half 1 in the morning and I’d rather sleep than edit.

~

If asked to sum up Hisirdoux Casperan there are certainly several things that come to mind:

Sees the value in people as a whole and will find do anything if there is a chance of help someone out

Prefers tactics that disable/banish rather than kill an enemy yet willing and able to pull the trigger if circumstances become forced

While not academically inclined he is very capable of thinking on his feet and outside the box calling back to his time on the streets where a split-second decision making is the difference between being caught and not

Terrible at planning he’ll be in there figuring it out as he goes along which is what makes the previous point so vital to literally how he goes through life

A natural charmer that would let him talk his way out of trouble 9/10 providing a perfect cover for his distrustful nature and reluctance to be touched by random people

Very down to earth, humble and never one to brag unless outright sassing someone

Will bang out some hot tunes at the drop of a hat, his love of music has never wavered once since he caught the bug despite instrument hopping ironically becoming a jack of all trades much like his magic style

The earliest memories he can recall are him as a young boy lost in the woods where he was for an unknown amount of time before his soon to be familiar finds him amongst the roots covered in dirt and drying tears, there is nothing before that. Unbeknownst to him is the colour of his magic matches the blue of a lost mother’s eyes and the song that haunts his nightmares as much as fire could well be hers though there is no way to be sure. From that moment on Archibald, shortened to Archie, would become his entire world and their friendship only becoming closer during the years they prowled Camelot together trying to keep themselves in one piece until the fateful day Douxie tricks the wrong person leading him straight into the path of the famous wizard Merlin Ambrosius.

It's no real secret that Merlin is a very closed off person who keeps his emotions as well guarded as his secrets, prefers the style of negative reinforcement over positive encouragement and is a very strict perfectionist in his. At this point in his life he can be very easily described as a disaster that is genuinely doing his best with every little mistake held of his head and his future self when brought back to that time period is belittled by Lancelot (Errand boy) and Arthur (Boy) too meaning it’s hardly a wonder his confidence was very fragile revelling in the times where he could do things without being told off for it. With Morgana largely ignoring him too (Though personally I like to think as he got older she’d occasionally take an interest until the blistering arguments with their master started to talk over daily life) a certain disguised dragon would have remained a lifeline and give that physical affection he craved much like being told he’d done well never seemed able to earn.

With Killahead he’d lose that home and family he made leaving just the two of them behind struggling to figure out their place in the world that had abandoned them.

There wouldn’t have been the words for it back then but the way he had been treated prior was outright abusive instilling very bad habits into Douxie yet by irony he was always willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and help those in trouble without thinking earning a reputation as the Shepard of Fire. He refused to become like him seeking to be better, perhaps not as a wizard (Even though he was learning new charms and spells along the way) but certainly as a person. Despite everything he suffers through or witnesses in the intervening years, the loss of friends and kindling of far newer ones he never loses his good heart 

That said is it any wonder that after rightfully sassing Merlin for resurfacing, ignoring his existence despite being in the same town and only visiting him to run a finding errand that all the confidence he’d managed to build completely from scratch after Camelot wavered causing him to fall back solely into trying impressing his old Master who was acting like his humble apprentice must have coasted the past few centuries who himself fell back into old habits of belittling? It’s only when Merlin started to truly listen and acknowledge that this was not the same Moppet he once knew after Excalibur was fixed that their relationship finally started to become more like equals. After the defeat of Janus the changeling that broke into the castle he touched Douxie’s shoulder with a genuine smile and for a second he simply didn’t know what to do because the old man never did this before his brain kicked into gear and realised he’d finally earned that one thing he’d been so desperate for his entire life: That in Merlin’s eyes he could be more than a failure who only caused problems for the closest thing to a father figure he’d ever had, never solved them.

A staff will be earned, history would be set back on trap by banishing Morgana tag teaming with Archie because they know one another inside and out, as promised he’d get the kids back to the present but soon after things would go badly wrong. They’d lose Jim and because of his very nature he’d make a gamble to try and get him back because that life is worth trying for just for in a moment of surprising selflessness Merlin would be sacrificed to save him. The only constant in his life apart from Archie would apologise, openly express pride and how the greatest thing he’d ever done was saving this orphan, call him son for the first and final time before turning into ash in his arms. There would be no time to grieve for things will barrel into the crescendo of Douxie sacrificing his own life to buy everyone time to escape because if they did that everything he’d ever done would be worth it with one last whispered goodbye.

(Zoe sees him fall, so does Archie – His heart would break if he was conscious just like theirs does when his body crumples into the ground)

On the very fringes of the Light Realm he is gifted one more conversation with Merlin in a truly heart-breaking sequence (THANKS TENY) where they can just talk without any fear of consequence or politics and just be completely honest. Douxie is allowed to stand equal to Merlin, to have the hug he’d needed since he was a child and be allowed to simply let go of every pretense and cry his heart out because this can never happen again. He’s allowed to say goodbye to both his master and Morgana who had both shaped so very much of his life but like the painting he’d always remained firmly in the long shadows of until that moment.

When Hisirdoux Casperan finally leaves Wizards if we just accidently deliberately put the shawarma back in along with checking in with Zoe before departure, it is with having learned to live during his wandering years but this is the point of true freedom because he can finally escape into his own light with Archie by his side to keep Nari out of the hands of those that would see the world harmed. It won’t be easy but it feels possible somehow even with the knowledge everything is simply running on borrowed time.

Then Rise of the Titans happens.

At first everything is genuinely fine! No more running, they engineer a solution shut the Order’s magic down to make them a lot less dangerous and potentially at least incapacitate them until they can come up with a longer-term solution but all the best laid plans and all that. Douxie’s quick thinking stops the train from crushing any of the people below and it’s a very him style move to switch places with Nari to stall for time because for some reason the plot disabled Claire from portaling her or any of the threatened people/heroes to safety. He openly sasses the Order despite knowing the consequences will be bad for him because once again he’s managed to trick them, buy time that at the other end isn’t even slightly utilised until he’s forced back into his own body in excruciating pain. Archie immediately mobs him with comfort just as he has done every single time the wizard is distressed or collapsed with exhaustion without thinking because that is what their bond is like, incredibly close and far more than the Soul Bond mark that connects them together. They’re very alike in that regard, you have to earn the right to touch while equally knowing exactly what form the other needs the most in that precise moment in a way very few others could.

Bar the moment of figuring out that an illusion is in place to hide where the Order is opening the Genesis Seals and the brief insistence on reconnecting with Nari somehow Douxie manages to forget everything that makes him who he is after this point choosing to stand in the background being very no thoughts head empty or can only use the most basic spells of his youthful days not the seasoned master wizard he should be. Nomura is treated like an innocent slip rather than an outright death he did absolutely nothing to prevent (Not to mention the stupid daytime thing) nor seems to care particularly about afterwards yet with Nari’s he’s allowed to openly grieve in a gorgeously animated visual showing how he’d failed to keep her safe despite everything. He did nothing to help here either mind despite allowing himself to be tortured in the same piece of media to keep her safe, just watched another loss happen right in front of his eyes in his conga long line of them.

Then there’s Archie, oh god then there was Archie.

The dragon who even here he’d been shown to have an incredibly close bond with him decides you know what sod that tell him goodbye I’m going to make a joke about having a kingdom now dad and me are trapped in here forever. Douxie on his part looked sad for all of three seconds saying that he hoped he’s happy like it's a pet that wandered out into the world one day and never came back instead of a lifelong companion that has been there for as long as he can remember. He was now completely alone in the world since Zoe was also written out entirely and because every bit of his background had been forgotten about it somehow meant nothing. This wasn’t “I know you miss him, I know you need to grieve but you are running out of time” moment like things had been with Charlie, this was “cool shapeshifting dragon cat is now stuck in a plot hole that’s a shame” with zero pay off or any of the genuine reaction that should have been there or hell even trying to Ohana him back that very second because it never should have happened in the first place. Then even this wasn’t enough somehow, they managed to de-power Douxie even further into uselessness bar the (Admittedly nifty!) sticky feet stunt, the one who fought Skrael and Bellroc to a stalemate was shunted aside with barely a thought and his head would somehow get even emptier.

The one person who knew the danger of time magic the most stood by and said nothing.

The one person who would suffer the most by a reset because the lynchpin to his issues would be asleep if you got it wrong and should have drilled it into Jim’s head the best time to aim for stood by and said nothing.

The one person who had just suffered the loss of his familiar, best friend and only family along with the almost sister like Nari stood by and said nothing.

Then to add further insult to injury the caption when Douxie and Archie is shown says Some go their entire lives living an existence of quiet desperation because every drop of his character growth, his ability to finally start addressing his trauma instilled back in the 12th century, the staff he longed for was instead openly mocked by going “Aww he got his cat friend back how nice!” Everything he’d rightfully earned and had now would be unable to progress until certain criteria are met because it hinges entirely on the Trollhunter going to Merlin’s tomb and there’s only so much your support network of two (One if she’s written out) can do, the root of the majority of his issues all stem from one man.

And this folks is why I’ve been going on multiple rants about Douxie in particular, everyone was hit with the out of character bat to some degree in this film but when they came for him they didn’t just stop after they took his legs out because they wanted him to suffer from something he’s never had any control over to begin with all over again. Abuse survivors deserve better, these characters deserve better and we as viewers deserve far far better writing than we were forced to endure.

[kikyan]

Thank you for all your work! For the Obey Me boys, could I request some hcs for all of them with a Plus Size!Reader?

OMG OFC YOU CAN!! As someone who is also plus size, it’s nice to see that people are requesting this! This leaned a bit more on the insecurities and struggles that we tend to face because you know people always have smth to say and comment even when we didn’t ask for them. Those reminders that pop in last minute because it’s a rough life. Idk, I was just hella depressed a couple days ago because of this but this lowkey cheered me up! 

Lucifer

He worries a lot and takes on multiple responsibilities, but one of them is to take care of you and remind you how much he loves you for you. If this was based on appearance I can most DEFINITELY assure you that obey me would be a short game with little to no character developments and I stand by that comment. Lucifer was the last one whom we got a contract with but he was one where we fully impressed him and reached out to him.

He cares a lot about you, you helped him see things from a different perspective and relatively are living proof that he did not fail his sister or brothers. He did good, his hard work paid off. He isn't a failure. He'll do the same to you. If you ever felt upset or insecure, he'd remind you of your worth. There is no price because you are priceless. You're his greatest treasure and he loves you.

He'd love and appreciate hugs and cuddles because they feel so comforting. So much to love and so much to hold, you do things to him you know. Anyone dare talk shit or say some mean and rude things? He's on the way to scold them and make them eat those words because here they are, judging one without really knowing them.

Mammon

He'd pull stunts for you to scold him and then cuddle him afterwards because hugs >>>Mammon, being the sweet little tsundere he is and your first will always be around you. He wouldn't treat you any different than he would any other person, but here is a sad headcanon because I enjoy making myself cry. He could care less what others say and think of him, even his own brothers. He won't let anyone say anything bad about you though, not his brother, Lucifer, anyone. He doesn't want you to experience what he does constantly so he would do anything to make it all go away.

Someone spreads a rumor about you? He'd literally risk expulsion by fighting someone over rude comments or risk losing whatever money he has to ensure that those hurtful comments go away. It's sad because it's the 'I rather be hurt than let others be hurt' concept.

It hurts because I have that same concept and while it hurts me so much, it's the pure joy that we get when we see the ones we care about happy. Mammon would sacrifice any and everything to ensure that your life is as peaceful as he could possible make it. He wants you 25/8 around him because he lives off and for you. He loves you so much.

Leviathan

He is on the internet 25/8, he knows how it really is out there and he is the first one to defend anyone against these comments. He also understands what it's liked to be judged for his anime obsession, appearance, and his 'normie' comments. But you won't ever be bullied. While it takes him time to be fully pissed off, he won't hesitate to fight on your behalf and share his wrath with others.

He understands the struggle of not finding anything in your size so he himself, yes this otaku, will take up the amazing job with pride of making you a cute asf cosplay costume. He'll help you realize that you're perfect just the way you are. Also this man will have you near him for cuddle time which is all the time

Satan

Satan, like Lucifer, learned A LOT about himself. Mc taught Satan that he didn't have to be bound by what brought him. Essentially, he may have been born by Lucifer, but he isn't Lucifer at all. He is Satan, he is his own person and should not be tied down by this. He wants to ensure that his S/O understands that too.

He'll remind them that they aren't what people think they are and that they are special. They mean the world to him, like a good book that you can't put down, he will NEVER stop loving you and cherishing you for the entirety of your life.

Would love it if you sat on his lap while he read you a story or read together. He wants to have that moment, that experience of reading together which is cute ngl, but it's hard to have someone read from your side. Get on his lap, he wants you to be on his lap and read with him.

Asmodeus

Your personal hype man. He honestly doesn't care or give a damn what other's think. He'll tell you that you're perfect just the way you are because you are. Those comments? It's the haters and that's all they will be. Asmo doesn't want his S/O to feel insecure so the moment you're down, he'll stop talking about himself and focus on you. He knows what being insecure is, but rather than hiding it he much rather you feel better and feel confident..

The moment you're down, it's all about you. What do YOU want to do? Stay home? Okay, at home spa or simply relaxing. You want to go out? Where? Shopping? A cute pastry place or whatever they have at the devildom, idk.

Beelzebub

Beel is very adorable, please he doesn't overthink things and he is a man of action. All the brother loves you the way you are, but Beel might not understand insecurities at first because he sees nothing wrong and will never understand comments like that. He respects any and all opinions you have about yourself minus the negative ones because he cares a lot about you and it hurts him to hear you be mean to yourself or others to you. If you want to work out or anything, he'll be down to assist and help you. You don't? That's okay because there is no need, it's all about loving yourself and feeling comfortable with yourself.

Beel loves cuddles (who tf doesn't) and would request them constantly, especially when you're sleeping. While some think that Beel is 'dumb' it's because he doesn't tend to think things constantly. He's an outright person who says what they want to say and that's it. What would he say to you? That he loves you <3

Belphegor

We'd make great pillows so you can already tell that Belphie would also tell us that he loves us for who we are and not how we look like. Sure we beautiful and STUNNING, but he loves us a lot more because we are ourselves. He loves the cute stories we say when he's snoozing off on us, the hugs we give him when he wants them.

He hears any negative comments, he would not hesitate to invade someone else dreams and haunt them from within or unleashing hell on them. What do they know about his darling? Nothing, so they should say nothing as well.

[glowingspence]

14 (hurt prompt list 2)

CW/TW: meltdown, self-harm

It’s not quiet but definitely peaceful in Hotch’s apartment. Spencer, Jack and him had breakfast this morning after sleeping in, at least they tried to before Jack stormed their room, craving their attention and even if Hotch played cartoons on the Tv in the bathroom he wasn’t for long satisfied with the couple being asleep and starting bumping Spencer’s nose and giggling in Hotch’s arms until Hotch gave in and went to the kitchen with him while Spencer got some time to himself before heading into the chaos as well.

They went to the park afterwards, having a snowball fight and just walking around until Spencer felt like he is going to freeze to death if he isn’t getting inside soon so Hotch had gently guided Jack into the direction of their home and when Spencer offered to make him hot chocolate when they get home, the fussing over having to leave his snowman stopped too.

Right now, Hotch is sitting in his office, answering some emails and finishing some files while Spencer and Jack are in the kitchen, drawing with finger paint and Hotch could hear their giggles and laughter filling the apartment. He is not actively listen, just listening to the sounds, he doesn’t pay attention to what they are talking about and to be honest, everytime he tries to listen to them he feels his brain is lacking because he is absolutely sure that when they do, they don’t talk about the same thing but they always seem to understand one another with Jack being still wobbly in his speech, not everything being pronounced right yet and Spencer’s every once in a while appearing need to repeat what the others say and overall being way to fast in his speech, falling into rambles or having a hard time finding the right words. Or any words.

He only starts paying attention when Spencer’s tone changes, “Jack stop, I don’t want that.” There are some giggles from Jack following Spencer’s statement, before he repeats what he just said, “Jack stop that!”

“You look funny” Jack brings out between giggles.

“Stop it, you make me feel uncomfortable.” Hotch had in the beginning thought Haley is a little bit erger with teaching Jack to voice his feelings and emotions. Helping him from a young age to identify them but especially after the divorce he had done his best to copy her strategy, after all, even if he thinks it’s a little bit eager, he knows well enough that it comes from his childhood, in which he was not allowed to show any negative emotions at all and wants nothing more than for Jack to be able to communicate them in a healthy way and by now, with dating Spencer who is the absolute master in hiding his emotions until they take over, he sees it as a blessing because it seems to help even him to have to understand what the child feels and to project it onto himself.

“It’s just paint.” Jack argues.

“Jack stop” Spencer repeats while Hotch puts his pen down, listening more closely.

“Please Spencer”

“No” He tells him again, “I said no, stop it!” He presses and when Jack giggles again Hotch can hear a chair scraping over the floor, “You are hurting me”

“It’s just paint, silly”

“I said stop!” Spencer snaps and with that Hotch gets up from his chair and leaves his office, walking into the living room where Jack immediately starts crying while Spencer is pacing up and down the room, flapping his arms that are covered in paint hand prints.

“What happened?” Worried he walks over, picking Jack up who starts crying even more, “You are okay, buddy. Just a scare.” He tries soothing him while looking at Spencer in anger, “What happened?”

Agitated Spencer walks up and down the room, his breath coming out irregularly as he balls his hands into fists, “Talk now” Hotch demands, he has absolutely no tolerance for someone yelling at his son. “Spencer”

The man doesn’t react, his fists hovering in the air until he starts hitting his head with them, “Babe stop” Hotch calls, careful to shield Jack away from what is happening, “We don’t do that, you can do it, clap your hands together instead” He instructs, hoping Spencer can hear him, “Spencer careful please”

“Papa?” Jack asks in a smile voice as he looks at him.

“It’s okay, Papa is okay.” Even Though Jack hardly calls Spencer that, Hotch knew from the first moment who he means, “Can you tell me what happend?”

“I painted on Papa”

“Is that why you two fought?”

“Yes”

“Okay, it’s okay, it’s not your fault.” Hotch lies, “I am going to have to help Papa okay? Can you go into your room for a moment?”

“Yes”

“Thank you, buddy” He presses a kiss to his cheek before walking him to his room, “It’s okay, Papa is okay, he just needs a little help to calm down. He is not mad at you.” The sounds of Spencer’s fists meeting his head over and over again fill the hallway, “Go wash your hands and then you can watch Tv in our bed”

“Okay”

“Really?” Hotch questions insecure as he holds his son’s hand, now having paint on his clothes as well,

“Yes” Still shaken up Jack walks over to the bedroom while Hotch hurries back into the living room, grabbing Spencer’s wirst the moment he reaches him,

“I am sorry, love” He mumbles when Spencer whines in the process, “I know but no hitting your head.” Hotch can feel Spencer fighting against his grip, “I will let you go if you promise not to hurt yourself.” Spencer nods, sweat already forming on his forehead, “Okay, one two three” When he lets go, Spencer stumbles back a little bit before starting to pace again as he bites down on his hand, the other eventually coming back up to hit himself in the head with so Hotch grabs him again, forcing him to sit down which he fights with every single cell in his body until Hotch has him back to his chest, holding his arms, “I am sorry, I am sorry, babe, it’s going to be okay.”

The younger man tries hitting his head against him but failing and for minutes Hotch thinks he is never going to come down, struggling in his arm, trying to bite Hotch’s hands before he eventually finds a for him peace full rhythm in which he and Hotch can rock back and forth on the ground and Hotch allows him to chew on his finger after a while, not daring to let him go fully yet to grab a chewy, “You are doing good, I know it’s exhausting.” He tries to soothe him even more but Spencer doesn’t react to it yet so he keeps quiet until Spencer starts humming and Hotch let's go with one arm completely, giving him some more space until he is sure Spencer has calmed down enough and lets go with the other as well. “Can you hear me?”

After a few moments Spencer nods, still rocking back and forth between Hotch’s legs, “Take your time, it’s okay” it takes another ten minutes until Spencer reaches behind him, feeling for Hotch’s hand, “I am here”

Spencer shakes his head and turns slightly, his exhausted face being hidden by most of his hair that has fallen out of his hairtire into his face, “What do you need?”

He hummes again, the hand in his mouth making it impossible for Hotch to make out a word from the man who keeps hitting his arm gently against Hotch, “You want the paint off?” He eventually guests when Spencer starts rubbing it against his shirt, “Alright, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Hotch grabs him under his arms, helping him on his shaking legs, “We will just walk to the bathroom, don’t worry about anything else, I am going to take care of you.” They make it hardly into the bathroom before he starts sobbing, “I am here, it’s okay.” Worried Hotch holds his hands down as he presses kisses to the side of his face, “Cry it out, it’s okay, I am here.”

“Sorry”

“We can talk about it, it’s okay, I promise you, it can all be talked about when you are ready” He assures him as Spencer sits on the ground leaning against they bathtub and sobs another time, “I am here” Hotch whispers again before sitting down in front of him, holding his hands as Spencer cries until his sobs turn into short sniffles, “I will start cleaning the paint of you, is that okay?”

Anxious Spencer nods, watching Hotch as he grabs a washcloth from the shelf that he wets with warm water, “Deep breath” He instructs before touching his skin with it, “Keep breathing, it is almost over”

Worried he scrubs the paint off, it dried by now, but it is not that hard to get off but still Spencer sniffles every once in a while, it doesn't feel good in the slightest on his irritated skin, “Daddy?”

“Come here” With a smile he invites Jack into the bathroom, “Keep your voice down okay?”

“Because of a migraine?” Jack whispers as he sits down in his father’s lap,

“Yes” He lies and keeps on washing Spencer’s arms, who avoids looking at the child, “I will clean Spencer up real quick.”

“Why can’t he do it himself?” The boy questions interested, “Is his migraine too bad?”

“It is, buddy. Tell you what, you go ahead and lay back on my bed and then I will explain you a few things about Spencer’s migraines alright?”

“Alright” Jack gets out of the room but not before he pressed a kiss to Spencer’s cheek who whines in displeasure and gently guides Jack away.

“Do you want to be with me when I tell him?” He shakes his head at that, “You don’t have to, it is your choice.”

“Mad?”

“I am not mad, we will talk about what happened later.” He assures him, “I promise you, you are not in any trouble, I will explain to Jack some things that I should have explained a long time ago and then we can talk all together okay?”

(Prompt list)

(Part 2)