#|| HIS SILLY PENIS CAN SAVE US ALL.

[revvnant]

anyways william potentially sympathetic ( not to me but in a vacuum ) until you remember he wanted to kill kids sooo fucking bad he built the kid killer 9000 line and made a restaurant for them and was so intent on having those things give middle schoolers the slime tutorial experience they’re always talking about that he couldn’t Not have it in the same building as his daughter. like just absolutely bloodthirsty batshit at that point. it wasn’t just ‘animatronic convenient hiding place for corpses’ it was ‘i’m gonna invent the Baby Juicer concealed within the body of a big titted woman’ and then he went about it with gusto. obsessed with the absolutely rancid energy pouring off of him.

[highdefhoetry]

"You like this, don't you?"

cw: female reader, use of the term "princess", hand kink, light choking, fingering, finger sucking, voice kink, tickling, penetration (penis in vagina), unprotected sex, creampie, light cnc vibes, light humiliation, aftercare, gojo satoru being a menace

summary: gojo discovers all of your kinks and uses them against you.

a/n: once again i have nothing to say for myself & i urge you not to look at me skfejhddsjd. if anyone needs me i will be spiraling into degeneracy

Satoru discovered most of your kinks pretty quickly. He knew you had a thing for hands when he observed the way you always played with his fingers, running your soft hands against his calloused ones, admiring the shape and size. You made it quite obvious, and he made sure to tease you about it as often as he could. He loved wrapping them around your throat as he fingerfucked you, curling his large fingers while he pumped them in and out of your slick hole. He liked tasting you afterwards, often licking your juices off with a twisted smile, but sometimes he’d stick them in your mouth and force you to suck him off instead. You always complied without protest.

He also noticed the way you’d react when he said certain things or used a different tone. He could fluster you with a small threat, embarass you by teasing in a sing songy voice, get you wet just by praising you, talking about how tight your pretty little pussy was, saying how good it felt to be inside you. He laughed whenever he’d see you go all wide eyed and trip over your words, bragging about how easy it was to get under your skin. A few simple words, and you were putty in his hands. He loved having this power over you and took note of the phrases that seemed to get to you the most, using them as often as he could whenever he wanted to mess with you.

But then he discovers that kink. And when he did, he made you regret ever letting him find out.

It starts off as a silly argument. You had eaten the last of the mochi, and when he sees that the matcha flavored sweet he had been saving was gone, he pounces on you and pins you to the couch. Your punishment? Five minutes of tickle torture. He holds your arms down and tickles everywhere his hand can reach while you scream for mercy. Your sides, your stomach, your underarms, your neck. You’re laughing so much you can barely speak, and despite how much you struggle you can’t shake him off. He’s too damn strong, plus he’s got his size to his advantage. You feel two inches tall as he leers over you, his entire body practically swallowing you whole. He giggles wildly as he continues his tickle attack, then he teases you to hell and back to make you laugh even harder. It’s as if he’s getting some sort of sick pleasure out of watching you struggle and thrash beneath him, knowing he has the power to torment you as long as he pleases. And those cocky little comments of his keep making it worse.

“What’s wrong? Can’t take it? Oh well. There’s nothing you can do about it.”

“You cryin’? Come on, it can’t be that bad.”

“So you’re weak here… and here? I’ll have to remember this.”

“You’re squirming around so much. It’s turning me on.”

It’s pure hell. And he shows you no mercy. When he finally lets you go, your energy is spent and you can’t even muster a comeback. He drags his fingers down your inner thighs, feeling worked up after seeing you in this state. He’s ready to take you in and claim you as his once more.

That’s when he sees it. The wet spot in your panties, so soaked it’s almost like you’ve peed yourself. He pauses for a moment as a smirk creeps up his face. The realization has finally dawned on him. 

“Wait a minute. You like this, don’t you?”

You don’t have time to protest. He yanks your panties down, nearly ripping them off your legs. He takes his own pants off even quicker, freeing his large cock from the confining black boxers beneath. He takes your thighs in both hands and spreads them wide, pressing the tip against your wet hole. Then, after he shoves himself inside and gives you long, deep strokes, he clamps his hands around your ribcage and digs in.

"I see. My little princess likes being tickled. How cute."

You feel his cock pulse inside you when you start to struggle, your desperate squirming getting him harder. Your hands grasp his wrists, trying with all their might to push him off, but it’s no use. You’re helpless as he tickles the hell out of you, causing you to alternate between frantic giggles and loud moans. He has this crazed grin on his face that makes him look feral, like he’s lost all control and succumbed to his primal urges. The more he tickles, the more you struggle, the harder and faster he goes. Your walls clench around his thick shaft and you throw back your head, an earth shattering orgasm erupting through your body, making you cum so hard that you see stars and colors outside the spectrum. 

That doesn’t make him stop, though. Your nerves are on fire, even more so than before thanks to how hard he’s made you cum. His tickling feels more intense, his expert fingers seek out every sensitive area and linger in the worst spots. He finds a bad one on your lower belly and tickles there until you’re in tears and begging him to stop. He ignores you as usual, grinning wider as he watches you suffer.

After a while, you sense that he’s about to cum. Thank god, because you can’t take any more of this. His thrusts become rapid and frenzied until he finally bursts, filling you with warmth while his cum shoots into your hole. When it starts to drip out, he fucks it back into you, then savors the last of your sweet moans. The tickling ends, and you’re finally allowed some respite.

He cradles your cheeks and wipes the tears off with his thumbs, then kisses you deeply and softly. When you’ve caught your breath, he gives you the glass of water on the nightstand and holds you in his arms until you’ve finished drinking. And as the two of you lay there in one another's embrace, his lips brush against your ear and whisper things that spread goosebumps across your skin.

“So, being tickled turns you on?”

You nod quietly, too embarrassed to speak.

“What an odd little kink," he teases, pulling you closer into his chest. "Well, now that I know your weakness, I won’t have any mercy on you.”

Your clit throb as his words flutter in your ears, a mix of regret and excitement swirling in the pit of your stomach.

[unhappy-last-resort]

The Raven Who Watches (Yandere Lee: Hypperreal x GN Commandant Reader)

Warnings: Virtual stalking, secret camera, masturbating to reader while stalking them, mentions of penis (Lee), yandere behavior, reader masturbates in their sleep (no genitals mentioned for reader), some story spoilers for CH.21 Spiral of Chronos and CH.14 Imprisoned Sight. Nothing major, mostly just vague hints and implications you wouldn't get without playing through the respective chapter.

Please let me know anything I missed, or any improvements to make in the writing.

A/N: So, my power was out for a week among other things and I just wanna say thank you for reading and liking/reblogging my stuff, it genuinely made me happy to see how many people were still reading my stuff.

Also, WRITING SMUT IS HARD, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless <3

Status: edited

The room was almost entirely silent, save for the occasional quiet clink of tools against metal and the occasional click of a terminal.

"Could the voice memos be in your voice instead?" You asked it so sweetly he felt his knees might buckle, but thankfully he managed to remain upright while snapping at you to stop making such silly requests.

Of course, that request was why he was at his desk now. He had been waiting for an excuse to make some modifications to your little robot, but thankfully he didn't need to anymore. His ever reliable Commandant made one for him, it was almost like you knew what he was going to do. The sentiment made him smile, even if the logical part of him knew very well that you were just making a mindless request. An intimate one, yes, but still nothing to get worked up over or presume you'd approve of the hobby he'd taken up recently.

"Alright..." He muttered into the dark room, setting down his tools and picking up the terminal to run some tests to make sure everything was running as intended.

He supposed he should test the voice memo function first, but frankly...as much as he loved you, this still embarrassed him, so he decided to test the other function first instead. The functions you didn't ask for and ideally wouldn't know about. The live streaming and camera functions.

Lee turned the face of the robot so it wasn't facing him and turned it on. Instantly, a small square appeared in the corner of his visual module which showed the wall the robot was looking at. He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face at that. Now he had to test how much delay there was between what he was seeing and what the camera was, so he picked up a pen and moved it in front of the robot. He hummed in approval before setting the pen down, there was barely any delay at all.

Next, he had to test audio capture, so he tapped the desk, nodding as it came through the feed only .03 seconds late. He did this for a little bit, getting up and tapping around his room at various distances. Assuming your room is only a little bigger than his, he should be able to hear you anywhere in the room, including your bed.

Of course, this function was most entirely for him rather than you, but it's not like this wouldn't be useful to you either. For example, if you get in an accident in your room and can't call for help, like falling in the shower, or someone breaking in, you won't have to worry about whether help will come or not, because he'll be there to save you. He'll always watch over you, no matter what. You always get yourself in difficult situations, can you blame him for taking extra precautions? Even if those precautions are just a guise for something deeper?

Lee picks up the robot and looks at it. With the audio capture function already preinstalled, he merely needed only make a few adjustments to turn it into a spy cam for him. Now he'd be able to hear your voice more, maybe even get to listen to you sleep, and possibly...

He abruptly clears his throat and puts the robot down. If he delays returning it to you any longer you might get suspicious and he absolutely cannot have you suspicious about his behavior in the slightest. Sloppiness is the downfall of many and while he has the advantage of knowing your habits well enough to use against you, that doesn't mean he can relax at any point. It's you, after all.

He quickly tests the voice memo function, ensuring that it sounds exactly as he wants before quickly packing up his tools.

He got up and picked up the robot before exiting his room. The hallway was grey, as almost everywhere in Babylonia, and the lights were dimmed, indicating sleep hours for most humans and constructs. He could see Lucia's and Liv's rooms across the hallway, doors shut tightly and lights off.

Since Commandants are of higher rank, and constructs and humans are perceived as having professional relationships only and are only tentative friends at most, if that, your room was farther down the hallway.

He supposes he should check your room to see if you're in there, but given that it's only 1 AM and your poor working habits, he figures he has better chance just going straight to the lounge.

With his mind made up, he headed to your office and as expected, the light was on and you were busily scribbling away at something, likely a report from the Science Council, by the looks of it. Without hesitation, he raises his hand and knocks on the door frame.

"Commandant."

You finish writing something before looking up at him, the light from your desk lamp exaggerating your eye bags. "Yes?"

Lee mentally prepared himself as he stepped toward you, it's imperative that he doesn't appear too excited. "I've finished adding the functions you asked for." He internally applauds himself for managing to keep an even tone.

Instantly, your face lights up and you break into a smile he hasn't seen in what feels like eons. "Really? You changed the voice memos?"

"I also updated the movement and response time, since I happened to have some spare parts." He gently placed the robot on your desk, watching you intently as you gently picked it up.

"Remind me at 5 A.M. that I have to go to the Science Council." You make the reminder with a smile on your face, eager to hear a voice you've heard countless times, despite him being right in front of you. It made him feel a tinge of jealousy.

"Understood. Reminder set for five hours and thirty six minutes from now." The small robot replied in his own voice. He had considered making the AI sound more authentic to him, but he decided it should be a little stiff and robotic. That way, if you want to hear him, you'll have to come to him instead.

You practically squeal in delight and he could feel his heating system kick up again. He wished he could turn it off without it causing issue, but he slowly learned to accept it, or at least to ignore it when in your sight.

"Thank you, Lee! I didn't think you'd do it..." You mumbles as you marveled at the robot and he couldn't deny the sense of pride he got knowing how much you liked something he made.

"It was no issue. However," His eyes narrowed at you, doing a quick scan of your vitals. "You need to sleep. Now."

"Just-"

"Now."

You sigh in mild annoyance and Lee decides to push his point further home and turn off your desk light and confiscate your pen. "You need to rest, we can't do anything if our commandant is so tired they can barely function." His words come out sharp and cutting, a little more than he intended, but at the same time he hated when you did this. You always find a way to make him worry, it's why he can never relax.

"Alright, alright...I got it, Lee. Going to bed now." You shoot him a playful glare as you slowly rise from your seat, robot in hand.

"Here, I'll help you to your room."

"I'm not elderly, Lee! I can get there myself!"

"Talk any louder and Lucia and Liv will come down here."

"Okay! I got it!"

You relent with another sigh, dutifully following after him. It took you a long time to get used to letting him walk in front of you whenever you walk together. After all, not even Babylonia is entirely safe anymore and he can't let anything happen to you. Within the time span of him deciding to walk you to your room to now, he's already completed 478 simulations of potential threats, ranging from someone hiding in your room, to Babylonia being attacked, and everything in between.

Thankfully, the brief walk to your room is uneventful, with no Kurono operatives jumping out from the shadows and attempting to snatch you away again, or Vera lunging out from a corner and you both say your goodnights to each other.

It's been three hours and twenty minutes since you went to sleep. In the meantime, Lee has designated himself to completing paperwork that doesn't need a Commandant to fill out. He's gotten roughly 70% of it done and he's decided on completing a few more before heading to his own room.

He's been keeping watch over you, the live stream from your robot open on his visual module. He's noticed you seem to be restless tonight, tossing and turning frequently in the past two hours. Now though, you seem especially restless, your legs occasionally kicking lightly at nothing and your hips occasionally thrusting up-

Lee immediately drops the pen and enlarges the window, zooming in on your face as he brightens the video. Your eyebrows are pushed upwards, mouth hanging open as your chest heaves from under the blankets. Your expression doesn't indicate pain so that must mean...

Lee abruptly shuts off your desk light and walks to his room before he does something he'll regret. As much as the idea of masturbating at your desk excites him, there's a camera pointed in this direction and he'd rather not get written up for his behavior.

As soon as the door shuts behind him, everything he's been keeping pent up for hours catches up to him. Ever since you put your little robot at your desk and went to bed, he had to fight himself not to lose it. God, spying on you excites him so much, he can't wait to start bugging your room and clothes, hell maybe even your bathroom too.

The uncomfortable tightness in his pants reminds him his cock has been straining his pants for the past three hours. He hastily undoes his pants, breathing a sigh of relief as his cock springs out, already leaking precum from the tip as he wraps his hand around it. He zooms out from your face just enough so he can get a more accurate idea of where your hands are as your mouth hangs open and- you moan. You fucking moaned and it's the most beautiful thing he's ever heard in his god forsaken life.

His hand pumps his length, the sound of his heavy breaths and quiet "schlick" filling his room. His body temperature rising at the sudden awareness of everything he's doing. He's jerking off to a live stream of you doing the same from a camera he installed without your knowledge, not only going beyond your Construct/Commandant relationship, but breaching privacy as well.

he should be horrified of himself, he should immediately cut off the feed and question what's wrong with him, potentially even request a transfer, but he doesn't feel any of that. He feels ecstatic at his success of becoming closer to you, thrilled that you two can share this moment together. God, what if you're thinking of him right now? His cock twitches at the thought.

You're so perfect for him, your face, your hair, your mind, your eyes, your body, everything. The way you look like you're in pure bliss as your hand moves under the blanket, if only he could rip it from you.

Actually, perhaps it's for the best that he can't because the simple thought of being able to see all of you like that might make him cum on the spot.

He can almost smell your arousal just from watching you alone. It's the only thing he doesn't know about you- how you smell, or taste. He could only imagine.

His legs tremble as his free hand flies over his mouth, trying to stifle the moans he threatens to let slip. He can hear everything you know, not just your moans, but your sounds. He can hear all of it and he can barely keep himself from spiraling into thoughts about it'd feel to be inside you, or be able to wrap his mouth around you and taste those delightful juices of yours.

Your moans get higher in pitch and you start to squirm a little more and his hand only pumps faster in response, finding himself so close to orgasm. He bites his lip so hard he can taste vital fluid as he tries so hard not to moan too loud as his vital fluid rushes in his veins.

With the edges of his vison going white and your whimpered cry in his hearing module, his cock twitches and sweet relief fills you both as you cum together. His artificial cum dripping onto the floor.

His body relaxes as it feels like mountains of built up stress ease out of his body, his systems caches clearing as he stares at you through his visual module. He watches you stir and bring your hand up to your face with an airy, lovesick smile. You sigh in frustration as you slowly get up to clean yourself up and he chuckles to himself.

It was your first time together and now this will be something you can do together with him for a long, long time. Until, eventually, you'll truly have your first time together.

[go-go-devil]

infodump to me about the lamb lies down on broadway so i have the intel for my next big listen of it!!!

Here I go!

So The Lamb is honestly a pretty insane album, not just for Genesis but classic prog rock as a whole. It's one of the most ambitious and creative concept albums I've ever listened to, but because of that it can be very alienating to some listeners due to how vague and overly poetic the lyrics can get (not quite Eraserhead levels of dream logic, but it gets close at times and most of us have very different takeaways from the story).

I think what makes this album so enjoyable and timeless for me is how unabashedly fearless it is in simply having fun telling its story. There's lots of dramatic and intense moments, but its also paced well with beautifully ethereal bits and even some silly moments. Every single song plays its part well and flows in perfectly with the next, no matter how much of a mood whiplash the lyrics or music can feel at times. Hell, one of the last lines in the album is "If you think that it's pretentious, you've been taken for a ride," and I just love that! It's the spirit of prog rock right there: go crazy and have and adventure, who cares what uppity critics think!

Besides that, it's also one of the most autistic albums ever made. Partually because I hc Rael as autistic due to the way he speaks and acts but also because the very nature of the album is like one big surrealist autism moment. Rael's constantly trapped in uncomfortable places that are too constricting or too crowded with people he can't understand and/or has trouble being around, and even has an anxiety attack at the end of "The Chamber of 32 Doors" due to being trapped in a room full of people who won't shut up. I felt all of that as a teen in high school, and I still feel it now T_T

Then of course there's my "controversial" interpretation of the album, at least I assume it is amongst many of the Lamb fans I've found on this site and irl, that this is one of the most delightfully sex-repulsed stories I've ever engaged with. Probably done by complete accident, but I don't care!

Just hear me out on this one. Sexual intercourse is NEVER shown favorably in this album; it's either not well executed/completely humiliating ("Counting Out Time") or overtly disturbing ("The Lamia" and definitely the album notes describing the Slippermen's fate in "The Colony of Slippermen"). The story ends with Rael sacrificing his penis to save both himself and his loved one, and that's a fucking insane thing to type down but I'm not exaggerating anything! That's just what The Lamb is like! Rael gains enlightenment by sacrificing a part of himself that never truly gave him anything fulfilling in his life.

One of the reasons I got into prog rock was because I'm sex repulsed and so many classic prog songs have nothing to do with sex or romantic relationships, and it's honestly so goddamn refreshing to find a piece of media that, for fucking ONCE, depicts sex as something as uncomfortable and unfulfilling as I've always known it to be. I felt seen by this story in a way most of my other favorite fiction could never achieve.

I'll never know what exactly Peter Gabriel was thinking when he wrote this story, and I certainly won't act like anyone's sex-positive interpretations of The Lamb aren't valid. But that's the beauty of it. It means different things to different people, but unites them all in a weird, rocking tale with some of the craziest imagery ever put to an album <3

[joyfuladorable]

omg tysm for the hcs!!

also i was wondering hpw do u think someof the spider ppl would react to peni’s attitude change 👀

No problem! ^w^

And OHHH just like Loads and Loads of Concern, probably.

Picture Gwen, having teamed up with Peter B and Noir and Ham to convince Miguel to recruit another member of their old gang because "Peni's literally a genius. She's Perfect for the job." Gwen hops through a portal into a dimly lit lab littered with mechanical parts and equipment that's been thrown around. There's no music, just the sound of a blowtorch sparking on and off and the clinking of metal.

She finds Peni in a stained jumpsuit, her back to her as she hunches over part of a New SP//dr suit that is Menacing in a way the old one never was. Gwen watches as Peni puts down the blowtorch and lifts up her welding mask. Peni sighs and says in a hoarse whisper, "Okay, let's see if this works."

And Spider crawls from his perch in Peni's collar and into its new cradle inside the mech. SP//dr's eyes light up Yellow, no friendly HUD with silly expressions to be seen. Piloted in the moment solely by Spider, the mech stands, towering over her like a protector. At the seeming success, Peni makes no exuberant cheer. She just looks into SP//dr's eyes and then down at the scattered blueprints written in her late father's penmanship.

A whispered, "Thank you, Father." passes her lips.

And then Gwen finally, tentatively, reveals herself. She compliments the suit. Asks Peni how she's been. Starts telling her about the Spider Society.

Peni listens silently with wide eyes for a few moments. She interrupts Gwen with a tight hug that gets even tighter when Spider uses the mechs arms to lift them Both up and spin them.

Gwen finishes explaining, gives Peni a watch, and Peni gets a heartfelt reunion with the Gang (with a notable exception). And they all can immediately tell something's Wrong and oh no Kid what Happened??

The story comes out slowly. A new coworker turned friend. A potential partner turned rogue during their first mission together. A loss of an aunt, who'd been getting better at being a parent, and of her friend, who she'd begun to see as a Best Friend. SP//dr wrecked once again at the end of it all, and a miracle blueprint found in her late father's belongings.

And the Gang looks at Peni and remembers standing like this with Miles all those months ago. They Know they can't save everyone, but it'll always Hurt and it's definitely Not Fair for any of them, especially Peni who looks small and tired but still rebuilt SP//dr and is Still Going. At least they can be there for her now.

She's definitely happier to be with her friends, and she makes New Ones, too!

Then she's back down the spiral when she learns about Canon Events, about what happened to Miguel, about Miles' status as an Anomaly. A gloom that falls over her and obsesses over Fixing It.

The Gang can't do much other than be there, make sure she eats, talk to her even when she's not entirely listening. Offer hugs when it all gets to feeling like Too Much. And then just trust that she'll get it eventually. She'll understand why it has to be this way. (It doesn't.)

[masked-and-doomed]

So you want to talk about your ocs? Speak about UG. I demand /pos /hj (please talk about her she's so silly :3)

Waugh!! I do have a big post planned for her that I need to get the art done of, so for this, I'll talk about relationships of her to other chars !! (f.unger 1) :] (I hope this isn't that ooc for them Augh they haven't fully wrapped around my head yet..)

D'a.rce

UG loves her and wants to try and sway her over le'ga.rde. She knows it won't happen, but she definitely wants D'a.rce to get attached to her and the other party members so she has other people she can find solace in after le'g.arde's betrayal and him leaving her. D'.arce is protective of her and is worried for her well being. She does realise she can manage quite well on her own, but she doesn't want the burden of responsibility on such a young girl. D'ar.ce finds her quite strange and rude, sometimes pointing out her unladyness, but she gets over it soon enough.

C.ahara

UG loves Caha.ra and tends to joke around more with him. She makes sure to hand over every valuable item or money she finds to him, for his quest to get money out of the dungeon. He, like D'.arce, is worried for her. He won't exactly voice out his concerns but they both get his caution. Ca.hara also jokes more to her, them both using the humour of their situation to lighten the mood. Though, unlike him, UG actually finds the situation humourous. Penis monsters. Hah.

Rag.nvaldr

UG loves Rag, she sometimes consume the enemies too, offering him some of the remains. He reluctantly takes it and feasts with her, somewhat concerned that she is enthusiastic about devouring the carcasses of the monsters. Rag thinks she's cocky but can understand her skill shining through this dungeon. He likes her, not necessarily as outwardly protective. More so sees her as an ally in battle with her proficiency in murder. Still sees her as a kid, but doesn't worry too much.

En.ki

UG's most loved out of the 4 main adventurers. She tries to one up him and sticks her head in his business a lot. She loves annoying him. And it's not like he can kill her either, she's somehow more advanced in magic than him, pulling spells he hasn't even heard of. How ego crushing. Enk.i acknowledges her skill but only barely respects it considering how annoying she is. He's learned to tolerate her antics. He won't admit that he likes her a bit too. >:)

The Girl

UG and Girl are besties forever! With their shared experience of being doomed they find understanding in one another a lot. UG is the one that teaches her how to fight the most out of the cast, her praising the Girl at every time she helps a kill. The Girl finds comfort in UG's presence, despite how loud she can be. When reaching the tower of the endless and defeating Skin Granny, UG makes sure to get The Girl as comfortable as possible, with her having hard times with sleeping. The Girl feels. Quite safe around her.

Mo.onless

UG loves doggy ! She pampers Moon.less a lot and gives her all the scratches!! Belly rubs!! She's the one most keen on feeding Moonl.ess and handling the maggot infested rotten meat, to be gently taken out of UG's hand and to be scarfed down by the dog. Moo.nless likes her all the same as the others, she'll definitely remember UG's enthusiasm and scent. (wink wink nudge nudge Prehevil)

Le'ga.rde

UG loves Le'garde. (She fucking loves everyone, can you tell?) Not taking him seriously, since she knows about his 'grand plan to ascend' and stuff had been left up to the chances of these 4 saving him. Stupid man. Upon finding him, she jumps to treat his wounds and pats him on the head, in a mocking tone, congratulates him for making this far. Le'.garde can more or less tolerate her, but might consider being alone with Rag rather than being alone with her. He's more focused on his plan. He's quite suspicious of her, as she seems a little eager to follow along to Ma'habre...

Nas'hrah

UG likes Nas'hrah. Hah, first like. Maybe could be love, but Nas'hrah insults her quite a bit that she's taking it a little bit to heart. Not much, but she's getting tired of most of his words being mean ones. She's not sure why she finds Enk.i's annoyance towards her more endearing than Nas'.hrah's. (maybe cause of Enk.i's long hair) She entertains him with his quips often. Nas'hrah more or less dislikes her. Sure, he doesn't like anyone, but her constant energy and stupidity annoys him quite more than the others could manage. He finds some respect in her skill, but she's far too irritating for him to ever say anything good about it.

Pocketkitty

^ UG has mental illness so she uhh is like flip floppy between these about him. Him in return, well.. I'll.. leave you to guess that. He. Loves her, let's say. :) I wanna make a fic/comic of it soon, of their first meeting. She caught Pocketkitty a little off guard. ;)

[wyndford-dekarios-majima]

looks at you with my big autistic eyes. its my turn to enable blorbotalking can you tell me more about gale & your relationship bc he seems like such a silly pathetic guy

this ask got me out of bed so i could properly type my thoughts out. alright cracks my knuckles (spoilers for the story of bg3 under the cut/suicide mention/sex mention at one point sorry) (not joking this is long) (you give me a vague description of beltboy and then you ask me 'hey so whos your new guy' and i become an unskippable cutscene.)

GODS he really does set himself up as pathetic. he probably doesn't realise it. but your first interaction with him is pulling him out of a malfunctioning portal (which i affectionately call gale% in all my playthroughs) because he's usually better at magic but just this once he got stuck on the other side please pull him out so niceys. and then he talks so so much. whenever you're in the grove and do something nice where the refugees are concerned he's like haha! this reminds me of when i was younger! this reminds me of when i stopped a bar fight! and then also the "fuck that woman" dialogue node when you save a child from getting killed by a death viper because she stole something and gave it back. when you first long rest he tells you to go to hell and then immediately expounds upon his worries concerning the fact that you're all going to DIE (did i mention there's a parasite in everyone's head. there's a parasite in everyone's head). AND HE ALSO INTRODUCES HIMSELF WHEN ASKED WITH HIS TINDER PROFILE. "i like cats and wine and long walks" shut uppp. bites him

and then he eventually opens up to you about something very important to him; he has a condition that makes him eat magic items and he would be very grateful if you could help! he hasn't told anyone besides his cat about this! he Trusts You!!!!! and then you give him a magic item a bit later and GODS tim downie did a wonderful job because the genuine relief in his "thank you" sends me for a loop every time. and with the first magic item hes like mm yes good. with the second he goes ahh mm still ouchies this is worrying. and with the third hes like ok this really isnt doing anything anymore. i have to open up about my condition further.

THEN HE JUST STRAIGHT UP TELLS YOU HE USED TO FUCK THE GODDESS OF MAGIC. AND TRIED TO GIVE HER A GIFT TO GET HER TO PAY ATTENTION TO HIM BEYOND JUST LEADING HIM ON. (THIS BIT INFURIATES ME BECAUSE HE WAS HER CHOSEN AND WITH EVERY OTHER CHOSEN YOU ENCOUNTER IN THIS GAME THE GODS THAT CHOSE THEM ARE VERY CLEAR ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT AND WHAT POWERS THEY GET IN RETURN BUT MYSTRA LITERALLY JUST WORE GALE OUT LIKE A TOY AND DIDN'T COMMUNICATE SHIT AND DROPPED HIM AS SOON AS HE CROSSED A BOUNDARY HE DIDN'T KNOW WAS THERE!!!! I NEED TO KILL MYSTRA.) and this attempted gift now lays in his chest. he basically has been carrying a nuclear bomb around this whole time. in his chest. we learn later that the gift never could have worked because it's not made of the "right magic" (grr) but for now gale's just like "ok. i told you. now if you want me to go kill myself i will" and that basically becomes his entire character for the rest of the game DSFJH he will kill himself at the slightest provocation (this is untrue but you Do get a skill that allows him to kill himself and game over you soon after this so. LOL)

im just gonna attach a video of the next big moment bc i remembered to record it! basically you save the grove of refugees and they throw a party for you and gale asks to meet you after to show you "something magical" and it isn't his penis-

now eventually you run into an old man. which old man? this universe's equivalent of gandalf the fucking grey, gale's old mentor. he comes to tell gale that mystra told him to kill himself. and then gives him the means to kill himself with the orb in his chest. this is the equivalent of your ex giving you nuclear launch codes and telling you to kill yourself by standing in the vicinity of where they want you to launch the nukes. gale is understandably upset but genuinely considers killing himself. because maybe it's what fate wants him to do maybe this is how he Should end. and he's pretty much made up his mind. and it's the player's job to convince him not to.

this culminates with him making his ideal night. because it might be his last one alive. and he chooses to spend it with you. you, who has become so vastly important to him. this is the moment he confesses. this is the moment where i burst into tears because jesus christ tim downie is a good actor. and jesus christ im in love with gale of waterdeep. he gently takes you by the hand, shows you his home in waterdeep via magic. describes what the perfect night with you would be. shows you a slice of his world. laments that you aren't home, or otherwise he would have courted you properly. tells you about his favourite books, how he often stays up reading until the dawn.

then he does have sex with you. but it's either normalstyle or fucking insane symbolism laden bullshit in space. and the symbolism bullshit is so . its so. i should record it some time.

ANYways after that you rock up to where mystra told him to kill himself and you say NO i love you and he goes, verbatim, "no matter what happens, i choose you." and. i keel over and die and burst into tears. and then you make it to act three and you're in the city !!! yippee! and you get to do a love test w him :] and witness a coronation! and somewhere in there you meet his tressym, tara, which i also have a video of-

and THEN you get to go SHOPPING WITH HIM! YOU GO SHOPPING WHEEE he needs a forbidden book to learn about the crown mentioned in the video. and you can either break in from the office of the head librarian or kill the wizard that runs the shop in his own home and work your way down to the book vault. and basically gale wants to take the crown and become a better god than the ones now. i also have a video for this. sorry for so many videos but i think of these moments and my brain fucking turns off. the video is stuttery and jittery unfortunately :( but i cannot change this.

and then after this mystra finally comes into contact with him like "hey i can get rid of that bomb if you give me the crown" and its like HEY WHY ONLY MENTION THIS NOW. HUH. HEY WHY ONLY BRING THIS UP NOW. i need to kill mystra. anyways then you go off and save the world!! and the 'final kiss' tears me to pieces. but i don't have a video of it bc the One time i went to the endgame i didn't think to record it. but then!! after the game he proposes and takes you home to visit his Really Big Family and have a big fat greek wedding. and so basically im in love with him. thank you for your time

[adultswim2021]

Tim And Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! #29: “Larry” | September 22, 2008 - 12:30AM | S03E09

A weak episode with some stuff in it I do like. We’re going to leave the meatiest segments for the end. 

First there’s Burps, which is sort of a rehash of Zits. This one has okay ideas, but isn’t really that funny. Tim burps while talking, and Eric asks him questions that inexplicably all have the word “rain” in the answers. It’s a real “spaghetti and meatballs” approach to comedy. That’s not a bad thing, it just didn’t bowl me over here. This recurs later in the form of outtakes where Eric is beside himself with laughter. It’s maybe a little silly to complain about DVD extras, but there’s even more of this stuff in the bloopers on the DVD. Enough!!!

There’s another Tairy Greene sketch that has some amusing moments, and I consider this one “funny enough”. The main idea, where Tairy is making an example of a wheelchair kid for no good reason, is a decent bit. 

Next is another guest star. It’s… Ugh, Rainn Wilson. He does the same bit Patton did a few episodes back of portraying a child singing a song about sexual matters. This one is about peeing in a girl’s mouth to make a baby.

Rainn Wislon is a wad, so I'll digress into childhood stories. Skip this paragraph if you want: I remember when I was little I used literally worry about the idea that a girl from school might hide in my toilet at home and wait for me to go pee, and then she’d wrap her mouth around my childish penis and impregnante herself, putting me at the forefront of a “with child” situation. At my tender age! In my imagination, it was shot like a scene in a movie trailer, set to “Bad to the Bone”, and her toilet prank would smash-cut to a Norman Rockwell-esque portrait of me, looking surprised to have a family. 

Okay, the wraparound segments are a continuation of the Carol and Mr. Henderson saga. This is, perhaps, the weakest of the Carol and Mr. Henderson sketches, but it eventually pays off. Instead of Mr. Henderson being cruel to Carol, they are now fully in love and in a relationship, and the jealous Larry is left licking his wounds, upset that his friend Mr. Henderson is spending too much time with Carol. It’s a tale as old as time. While Carol and Mr. Henderson do some french kissing (accomplished with a “digital snake tongues” added in post; a detail I think I literally never noticed until this watch), Larry sings a mournful song about how his friend left him for “a piece of cooze”, which had to be censored by the network with a bleep. 

The final scene in this sketch is also the final scene of the episode, where Larry just shows up to work with a gun. He shoots both Carol and Mr. Henderson, presumably dead, and then sticks the barrel of the gun in his out mouth and blows his own brains out. It’s hilariously grim and brutal. The twist is that both Carol and Mr. Henderson are wearing bullet proof vests, which begs the question: how the fuck did they anticipate this? Carol glibly states “this was fun.” mere feet away from Larry’s lifeless body. This is one of my favorite moments in the whole series! It’s the only great sketch in the whole episode!

Needless to say, it’s a little jarring that you can show a guy blow his brains out in a somewhat realistic, inimitable manner, but “cooze” needs to be bleeped. As with other Carol/Mr. Henderson sketches, there are plenty of outtakes and deleted material. We see Eric perform yet another one of his own stunts; keen readers of this blog will recall his brush with head-trauma in the first Carol sketch when Larry smashes a candy glass coffee pot over Carol’s head, which wound up cutting Eric through the wig. The stunt in this episode involved Eric diving in front of Larry’s bullet to save Mr. Henderson. In the blooper reel footage, you see him narrowly avoid banging his head directly into the cubicle desk. ERIC!!! WATCH IT!!!! 

EPHEMERA CORNER:

MAIL BAG

I can think of a lot of things that would get RC cancelled. S11 was the first season in a while to not get an emmy nomination, Lazzo's not around anymore to keep greenlighting it, It got over 3,000 sketches which is plenty stockpiled to live off of youtube views, anytime I saw people mention it online they were surprised it was still running, Seth Green's embarassing NFT debacle that even his own writers and other NFT guys made fun of him for, COVID (that's what killed Shivering Truth), etc.

Good call. I too was ignorant about Robot Chicken's status, but that was because I hated it. Lapsed fans being unclear on that detail is definitely a sign.

[bewarethewolfarmy]

Pokemon actually only started the boy/girl in gen 2 but a) point stands and b) brings up an important reason why pronouns are important in video games and spoiler: it's not because of "wokeness" or "gender equality" as much as it is about how the video game industry treated specifically girls for the longest time.

Oh yes, I'm bringing sexy back by bringing back the oldie but goodie of old fashion Video Game Sexism.

I am a girl. I identify as a girl. I am also a gamer and have been since I was an itty bitty. And you know what one of my biggest pet peeves is, my dearies? When a game doesn't give the choice in a game that theoretically should; I'm talking your open worlds, your rpgs with character customization to some degree, your sims and what have you. Big difference between games that should have it and games that either don't need it (like a rhythm game) or a game that it wouldn't really be necessary in (dating sims of the otome variety for instance which are literally for girls; rants about the fact there are not enough lgbtqia+ dating sims will be saved for another day). But in a game like, oh, Starfield an open world, yeah it should have them.

Why? Because it's not once upon a fucking time yet; we still live in an age where if gender choice isn't given, the default is almost ALWAYS going to be male. You're going to be playing a boy, a male, XY, you has a penis or should at least. You got boy parts, 'arry, and don't matter if you actually would prefer to have girly parts (or no parts).

Does it matter to me? Yes it fucking does! Because being allowed to be the gender identify as is important to me (oops I did make it about gender equality, silly me) and for most of my life that hasn't been allowed. Because gen 1 pokemon automatically made me a boy and so did gen 2's silver and gold (in which baby me called a boy Sabrina and all was well in life). Because 'girls don't play video games so why should we give them the time of day?'. Because I'm a girl and only boys get to be assassins, warriors, sorcerers, heroes, gods, whatever they want.

Now do I abandon games just because they don't give the choice? Nah, because I'm a gamer and I love to game. So I'll play the boy trainer trying to catch em all, and I'll play the warrior who has to save his kingdom, and I'll play the assassin fighting a corrupt secret society, and I'll be the hero because it's all pretend. I have abandoned games for bait and switches (I'm looking at your ass Akiba's Trip you piece of shit game) but normally I just abandon games that didn't hold my interest or prove worth my time, and a lot of times I love playing as the male character (in Tales of Symphonia, a game with minor choice since you can choose which of the characters you control in battle, i prefer the male magical knights rather than the female healer, chakram user, ninja, or axe wielder).

But again at the end of the day, identifying as a gender that has historically been underrepresented by the industry, that still often gets underrepresented, the fact that pronouns exist means that I get the chance to actually be myself in a game. I get to be Crystal instead of Gold/Silver (ha pokemon manga jokes). I get to be Cassandra instead of Alexios. I get to be a kickass female high elf necromancer in Skyrim and I can be a female revived colonist from the lost Hope.

I get to be me. And that's what pronouns are for. Because they let us be us and that's what is important.

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (881): Fri 16th Aug 2024

I read a story about tax havens this morning and I wondered how it is that the government seems to immediately accept whenever one of these huge companies find some sort of bullshit crock of semantics that allows them to not pay as much as they should be but they seem to be actively looking to sniff out some struggling family run small business to interrogate them into admitting that all their employees aren't quite working twenty nine hours bang on every week. These ultra rich cunts seem to get utterly offended at the very idea that a small section of their earnings that they probably won't even notice goes towards funding the NHS. Oh and by the way I personally think that if you are pro-life but anti-universal health care then you can fuck off and die. So if there's some teenage girl who's pregnant due to rape you wealthy wankers are happy to say to her "YOU NEED TO KEEP THAT BABY BECAUSE LIFE IS PRECIOUS. YOU NEED TO ABANDON ALL YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS FOR THE FUTURE AND SPEND ALL YOUR TIME AND MONEY ON THIS BABY BECAUSE LIFE IS PRECIOUS!" then when the baby is born and the girl tells you "My baby was born disabled and needs an operation to save her. Would you mind paying a bit more tax to help?" then you just ignore her and fuck off to your solid gold golf course in Hawaii. I think if anyone with £50 billion plus in the bank is complaining about having to pay more tax than they want to then I think the tax money should be taken out in the form of a check and given to a little girl who needs an operation and if these billionaire fucknuggets can take the check out of the little girl's hand (don't worry the little girl will have to hold the check at arm's length to make sure it doesn't get wet with her tears) then they can keep it. Now I am fully aware there are some who would have no problem doing this. I think Trump would snap it up in seconds then on the phone to Fox News telling them that it wasn't even a little girl but a little person. I found out that the wanker who tried and failed to steal my bike is now out of prison. He wasn't jailed for trying to steal my bike and despite this being his fiftieth offense in lass than two years the judge decided that everybody deserves a fifty-first chance and allowed him to remain free. Then a week later the silly twat tried to rob a girlss scooter and broke her hand by whacking it with a wrench and for this he was finally jailed. I was told that I was entitled to £250 of compensation but I never paif this was due to be paid by the culprit who is just some scruffy little rat claiming unemployment benefit. I did wonder how the fuck this knobhead is going to continue claiming jobseeker's allowance since there's no way he's going to be accepted for a job now that he has a criminal record, unless he blags his way into a mechanics job by telling them he knows how to use a wrench as he technically won't be lying. I think it's probably only a matter of time before the prick gets the urge to carjack / bikejack / busjack again andhe finds himself back behind bars since penis goblins like this never seem to learn. I remember reading about the sentencing in the paper and his defence said that his anti-social behavior was due to grief over the death of his father. While I sympathize to a degree with anyone who has lost a close family member, that doesn't excuse the fact that I was nearly £300 out of pocket because of how he chose to work through his grief and I'm glad that his Dad is dead and I hope someone digs up his father's body and corpsejacks it.

[wowitscoldoutpt2]

I've just finished the fourth book of acotar, here's what I think of it. Spoilers obviously

Acotar as a series reads like a fanfic imo. feyre, which is a funny name because like most of the characters are fae, and feyre becomes fae so. It's a lil on the nose lmao. Anyway feyre is 19 at the start of this which I feel like is not nearly old enough.

She's real special, she gets a lil bit of every power of all the courts so she's like the avatar (atla not blue ppl). This irks me the wrong way because like, of course she'd be the avatar and she's married to the strongest man ever and she's super duper powerful and yadda yadda. I don't like her character arc. Like the first book sets her up as a girl who taught herself to hunt to survive and she's very strong and she's super swag, and then I feel like she just becomes like a Mary Sue. Like her figuring everything out under the mountain vs her just like, water bending and shit is such a contrast. She used to have to use her brain and now she can just "magic go" and it's over. She doesn't feel super complex once the whole mating business gets going.

Oh yeah, the mating business.

The most uncomfortable and awkward part of this whole series, the mating business. It's not quite omegaverse but good gods it's close. Everyone is now "males" and "females" which is just. Why?? I get they're not human but like "boy" and "girl" or "man" and "woman" is just. Idk, "male" and "female" is very Alpha Male Speak if u know what I mean.

So feyre is the mate of Rhysand (? these names are a nightmare) who is the aforementioned Most Powerful Man Ever, and they do sex like way more than they need to. And it's even worse because of the whole mating thing, gods I hate this whole concept so much.

The sex is not even that good, it's not very well written and for some reason the author doesn't say things like penis or vagina or pussy or dick or whatever, no no. It's, and I quote, "the length of him" and "the center of me" it's so silly. I'm violently asexual so maybe that's why I think the sex is so poorly written, but I've read better sex in fanfic I didn't read all the tags for, yk?

Anyway, moving on from the whole, mating sex thing, which is hard because feyre being Rhysand's mate is like a major plot point all of the time and I think that's silly, but anyway, the final battle was like, ok.

It was fine, it had like 8 climaxes, like what with the bone carver and his fam and the whatever was at the bottom of the library and the human ships and the other kingdoms and unleashing armen and going to the cauldron and ???? Idk it was not a very concise battle is all I'm saying.

Her sisters also become Powerful Fae which I suppose makes sense because of the whole dunking in the cauldron thing but it just feels cheap. Like they didn't earn that! At least feyre earned her avatar state, kinda, cause of under the mountain but these gals were a wrong place wrong time and now you're op situation which is just, so unsatisfying.

And the killing of the dad was odd too, cause like he was barely a character, he had like 4 lines I don't know why he had to die. I don't miss him is all I'm saying.

And then they all live happily ever after, or maybe not idk I don't have the fifth book yet.

It feels like a self insert story, like, "this is my character and she's so cool and powerful and all the boys love her and she's the only thing that can save the world"

It's a fine series, it's like a 5/10 for me. Too much sex, too much rape as a normalized thing that happens because "that's how it be idk what to tell u" and far too much like, just, yucky yucky stuff. Anything to do with mates just seems rapey to me, like the entitlement of it all, which is referenced and touched on in the book so I'm not making that up. And by the end of the fourth book feyre is 21, she can legally have a drink in the us, and she's fucking this guy who's like 500 years old which is GROSS!!!

It's Gross ok I said it.

The romance itself is sweet, I suppose, it was fine. I like Lucian as a character, I like Armen and Az and Cassian, Mor is fun too, and I like how Nesta keeps being an asshole, that's good, but at the end of the day, I suppose it's not my cup of tea.

I'll read the rest of the books when they're available to me but I'm not gonna be thinking about this story or it's characters much at all.

[citybops]

1. mana -a gothic manwha. zion is a girl who forms a contract with a ghost and starts a business as a shaman. we follow her through different paranormal situations, learning a little bit about korean culture and superstition. the art is really good, the characters are very likeable and the little hunting adventures are ok, but... it feels very amateurish, the direction it wants to take isn't clear and the end is way too rushed. still, is a good fast reading and the fashion is serving and slaying absolute penis. 6/10

2. alichino -a gothic fantasy manga. alichinos are supernatural beings that feeds on human souls in order to become strong in exchange for a wish. tsugiri hates them, he's a "bond" (the purest soul above all) so he's been chased by humans and alichinos alike throughout all his life. the prettiest art I've ever seen like literally there's not a single bad panel or a sloppy silly drawing... the story is intriguing and it has lots of potential in exploring concepts or good and evil, loneliness and isolation BUT i only has three volumes and it's been discontinued so fuck our silly baka lives i guess. 9/10

3. fairy cube -gothic fantasy manga. this one is about the world of humans and the world of fairies and monsters and ravens and etc etc everything u mind can imagine. ian is a kid that can see fairies but no one ever believes him, he also can see another him, an ian with blue eyes and green hair that is focused on making his life miserable. it has 18 chapters, the lore is not complicated and it has various twist and turns that keep u entertained, so it is a very easy read... nothing too much. 6/10

4. vampire girl - well, this is a gorhic-ish manga abt vampires what do u expected. wana has fallen in love with this mysterious guy she often sees in the streets and after some time ahe musters up the courage to talk to him the next time she sees him. trigger warnings for blood, death and sexual assault. i liked this one a lot, the pacing and writing is really good, it doesn't feel heavy or boring and it flows nicely. as expected from this author, the art is also really pretty. i dont wanna spoil too much so this review is kinda vague, but this is because i really want u to read it and then come and complain to me abt the absolute mindfuck that is the ending. 9/10

5. R.i.p -a gothic-ish lolita manga. transylvanian rose (lmfao) is an angel bored of being in heaven so she travels down below where she encounters a boy commiting suicide. she finds him extremely cute so she rips off one of her wings and gives it to him in order to save him from eternal damnation. this one is short, funny, sweet and very fashionable. recommended for times when you're bored out of your mind and don't know what to do. also, god is a hot vkei man. 7/10

6. dokuhime -a gothic-ish lolita fantasy manga. poison princesses are made by taking a baby and feeding her poison little by little so they grew used to it. these girls are the kingdom's greatest weapons, a kiss, a tear, or even living in close proximity with them, will slowly kill you. this one was really intriguing, the plot is interesting and it builds anticipation and suspence nicely, the art, once again, is splendid like these bitches are serving looks after looks. HOWEVER.... this manga's fatal flaw is the depiction of this one tribal desert based kingdom. it is pretty bad and distasteful. 6/10

7. akusaga -kind of gothic-ish mystery manga. zen is the most wanted criminal of the country; he's cruel, has superhuman abilities and doesn't hesitate to kill and destroy everything that's gets in his way. this rebellious quality of his seems to attract all kinds of people, so he gets stuck with some companions along the way. ok... zen is saurrr pretty, that's why all bitches want him. this manga is very short, only 8 chapters, but thats enough to to flesh out his, and only his, story and character so you're left wishing the author had developed some other points, etc, etc. this one talk about war and class so u can expect some fucked up things that needed more exploring and questioning. 6/10

8. innocent -a gothic historical manga. this is the story of two siblings of the sanson family, a family of executioners, years prior to the french revolution. this manga is on the lengthier side with around 90 chapters, but it is still an easy read as the story has a pretty good flow. the art here is soooo pretty and the characters so intriguing !!! the story is a serious one so it hooks you up pretty easily but it still has its what the hell moments that helps break the tension here and there. it isn't a read for the faint of heart though as it is pretty guresome... but what we expected this is a story abt a man who killed around 3000 convicts. there's some moments where the author handles class, gender and race issues rather poorly though. this manga has a sequel but tbh it's not worth it so i recommend just reading this one. 8/10

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (February 26/2021) - ...What?

DreamXD helped George build a McDonald’s, Quackity’s double joined, Jack and Andrea went on a date with Sam and Foolish joining in as wingmen, Andrea was lured to the Egg, Wilbur (non-canonically) had a heart attack during a horse/footrace and died...

Just an average day in the Dream SMP, I suppose?

---

VOD LINKS:

Ranboo

Captain Puffy

Georgenotfound

Jack Manifold

[Andrea’s VOD was deleted due to leaked info, nothing to worry about though!]

---

- Puffy and Foolish work on their fast food restaurant

- After attempting to solve the mystery behind why George was banned on TikTok, Quackity decides that George should build a McDonald’s in Minecraft.

- DreamXD, the god of the server himself, appears to help them. As the owner of the land, he suggests that they renovate the Deal or No Deal house into a McDonalds. He happens to have some very convenient stacks of supplies. 

- They burn down the old house and begin to build. Wendy’s replies on Twitter and Dream ratios them.

- Quackity starts chasing George so he calls for Dream’s help and DreamXD attacks him as Quackity repents for his sins. Quackity logs out and DreamXD builds a pit and they fill it with lava.

- George shouts for Quackity to log in while dramatic music plays. 

Quackity: “Then so be it. So be it! I don’t care! So be it, George! If this is the destiny that I have to face, then I’ll face it with honor, George!”

- He’s known it all along...Quackity is the one who got him banned. Quackity’s the one who got them all banned! Quackity begins to chuckle. George finally put together the pieces.

Quackity: “You have no idea how much power I have, George...and guess what, I have no issues doing it over, and over, and over again.”

- Quackity decides that he’s not going to log in so that he won’t give George the satisfaction of watching him die. DreamXD types a suggestion to ban Quackity in chat.

George: “I have Dream on my side! DreamXD, he is the god of the Dream SMP server! He will RUIN you! He will delete you from the lore!”

Quackity: “DreamXD...you think gods scare me, George? Gods don’t scare me, George, they don’t.”

- Bad falls into the pit and has to get out.

George: “He’s quacked!”

Quackity: “I’m gonna walk out the door with honor, George, and I’m never giving you the satisfaction of watching me die.”

- Suddenly, DreamXD hits George into the pit of fire, revealing that he’s been with Wendy’s this entire time! George perishes in the fire as Quackity taunts him. 

Quackity: “LOOK AT YOU! Look at you fall into despair and death, thinking you’re one step above, but you have no one on your side, George. Nobody...nobody is on your side. Nobody has ever been on your side, George. That’s the funny part! That’s the funny part. Your little moments, your little moments where you think you have any sort of power...they’re just amusing, George. They’re so amusing to me. Have you realized it yet? Have you realized how you hold no power, ever, at all? Take this to the grave, George...you’re nobody.”

- DreamXD tells Quackity it’s clear to log on, but Quackity still doesn’t die. DreamXD then says that it was all an attempt to trick Quackity into logging in and calls for George to log back on.

DreamXD: “I was never with him, George...I’ve been by your side since the beginning, George...I promise.”

- They walk back to McDonald’s. DreamXD assures George that Quackity will pay for this. He murders Bad to cheer George up. DreamXD also makes George a server operator for a short moment.

- George runs back, shouting at Quackity to log in. Quackity replies that as long as he’s outside of George’s realm, they have no power over him. The instant he logs in, they have control. He won’t give them that satisfaction.

- George threatens to canonically ban Quackity for eternity. Bad warns him of the mark this might make on his soul. George presses enter...and it doesn’t work. 

Quackity: (laughing) “George...you really thought you had the power! You really thought you could do anything to me! George, you can’t! You can’t do anything to me! Not now, not ever, not as long as I live, George.”

“Long live Quackity, George...I never die.”

- Quackity announces that he will be building a salad store right across the street from George’s store, and there’s nothing George can do about it!

- quackitynumber2 joins the game. George tells him that if he sacrifices himself to the lava, he’ll forgive him. Quackitynumber2 does just that. They rescue real Quackity from the lava.

- DreamXD takes George to the Oogway Shrine to “pray.” 

- Sapnap comes on, very confused. They continue to ratio Wendy’s.

- Jack preps for his date. Foolish gives him a pep talk, then Wilbur briefly joins to ask if Andrea’s there yet. Antfrost arrives in a maid outfit.

- Andrea eventually comes onto the server. She dies once and Sam declares it canon. Sam gives Jack gifts for the date at Spawn.

- Jack and Andrea ride around in a boat a bit. The date continues as Antfrost and Sam work as diligent wingmen.

- Sam turns Jack into the waterman and shouts about Dreamons as he attacks. Jack runs away and waits for the invisibility to wear off while Sam, Punz and the others show Andrea Egg propaganda.

- Sam says they can see the Egg soon! Punz remarks that the Egg is nice. Jack freaks out when he hears about this and runs over, eager to stop Andrea from being mind-controlled.

- Jack makes it to Puffy’s McDonald’s and reunites with Andrea. 

- They continue to walk around, near the Eggpire meeting room. Sam greets them there, leads the two into the egg building and tells Andrea to stand in the center. Jack and Andrea jump down into the Egg Room.

Sam: Break it Andrea. Save the server. Do it.

- Jack warns her against breaking the blocks. Andrea jumps down from the Egg and looks at it.

Sam: DO YOU WANT TO BE A HERO??

Andrea: SIR

Andrea: MR AWESOME DUDE

Sam: Yes?

Andrea: HAVE YOU EVER SEEN AN EGG

Andrea: THAT IS NOT AN EGG

- She says this reminds her of health education classes. A fun way to teach people about the reproductive system. Sam tells her to break the Egg again.

- Sam tells her they need to break the Egg to leave, but Andrea dies by lava instead. Jack warns her that she only has one canon life left.

- Jack struggles to swim back up to the surface through the chute. Sam tells Andrea that he doesn’t see her surviving the night.

- Jack makes it to the surface and tries to get back to Andrea. Meanwhile, Sam tells Andrea that he’s way richer than Jack is. 

- Jack meets Andrea and Sam at Lemon City. Sam gets Andrea a horse. They decide to do a race. Andrea proposes that they sacrifice the loser. Foolish accuses Sam of cheating on Ponk.

- Ponk comes online.

Jack: Hi Fonk

Sam: LETS RACE

Ponk: Shut up home wrecker

WilburSoot joined the game.

- They make a call for all the racers. Wilbur joins and asks Jack for a few words in private.

- Once alone, Wilbur urges Jack to get out of there. This is not going well, he says. Jack insists that everything’s going fine! Wilbur tells Jack that Andrea asked him to serenade her.

- Jack points out that Wilbur did this last time. Wilbur tells him that was just him being a silly quirky goofster. This is him being real.Wilbur tells Jack to trust him.

Wilbur: “I have a plan...basically, you’re doing a race, right? What’s the worst thing that can happen during a race, you may be asking? I’ll tell you what:

“Wilbur Soot has a heart attack and dies.”

- The plan goes as follows: they start the race, Wilbur has a heart attack and dies, and in his last dying breath, he asks Andrea to tell the truth.

- The two rejoin the call with the plan in mind and meet at the Community House with Sam to begin the race.

Wilbur: “I sure hope my arteries will hold up!”

- The race begins! Jack, Andrea and Sam all start running, Andrea still on horseback. Wilbur calls out that his chest is hurting and Jack turns around to run back to him.

- With his last dying breath, Wilbur says to Andrea that she should tell Jack what she said to Wilbur. He then dies before they can perform CPR. Sam points out that Wilbur Soot is not the type to waste his last words. Andrea replies that they were going to sacrifice him anyway.

- Jack has the messages from Wilbur.

Sam: “Can you read those to us please? I wanna imagine that he wrote them about me.”

Jack: “Okay, he said -- you’re gonna struggle, it has my name in it.”

Sam: “Well, just, when you read your name, just say ‘Sam’ instead.

Jack: “Okay, he says, ‘I want to date Sam. That sounds fucking brilliant.’”

Sam: “Wilbur said that about me?! Oh my god, I have chills. I literally have chills right now. I got ghost bumpies.”

- Andrea asks what’s going on between Jack and Wilbur, and questions whether Jack is really in love with her. She decides to run away.

- Sam shows her the prison he built and brags that he’s the warden. Andrea’s horse explodes. Sam asks if they should lock Jack up, and Andrea says they should.

- After Andrea sings “My Humps,” Sam rapidly comes to the conclusion that he no longer wants anything to do with this date. 

- Jack and Andrea’s date continues as he leads her to the restaurant he made. 

- Afterwards, they go back to the mainland and Andrea sees L’manhole. Jack explains that this is where L’manberg was destroyed, and he fell into Hell. Andrea remarks that there used to be a sign here that said “I <3 Andrea” that now says “You </3 Little Penis” instead.

- They sail out into the ocean together. 

- Afterwards, Jack brings her to Foolish’s Temple of Undying. Jack says he’ll see her on their next date, if he’s still alive by then.

- Andrea leaves, and Sam speaks with Jack alone.

---

Upcoming events remain the same.

[insomniac-dot-ink]

Is it wrong to lie to children?

A personal essay on reconciling with a shitty childhood and the question: is it wrong to lie to children?

It’s perplexing to have a shitty “unorthodox” childhood because initially I tried to throw out everything about It. Toss out the plumping and the rafters and the roofing, dispense of every single part of my upbringing I could get my hands on and not look back. Naturally, this approach didn’t work. It wasn’t even a real possibility. You’re still haunted by it, a ghost in the bones of a house, a foundation that remains long after the builders have left. That’s part of recovery too, to look at that ghost, to look at those bones, and keep saying: I see you, I see. I let you in. You sit with it and accept, accept, accept.

The really terrible part of this, the part where I don’t throw away the baby with the bathwater, is that you then have to raise the thing, deal with it. You have to do the hard work of parsing through the endless bits of self and placing them in “keep” piles and “discard” piles. I want to keep my mother’s kindness. I want to keep my father’s sense of humor. I want to discard the isolation. I want to discard the delusions.

But then there are these weird . . . “I don’t know” things. The things I am unsure if they helped me or hurt me. As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten more and more of those “I don’t know” categories piling up. I’ve worked my way through most of the more obvious ones and now it’s all grey and mushy and as cloudy as a London winter. Recently, more than anything, I’ve been grappling with the fact my mother believed it was wrong to lie to children. She believed, in her flower-child way, that it was unethical in all forms.

I never believed in Santa Claus. I’m sorry to say I was a pretty obnoxious kid too because I would preach on the playground about how there was no Santa and there had never been any Santa. Which was a bit harsh, but in my defense I was under the impression these people were suffering from some sort of collective mass delusion. They were being lied to. And lying was wrong.

Is it wrong to lie to children?

I’ve known about sex since I was around 5 years old. I don’t remember why I asked, but it was something about where babies come from and so on. Most parents talk about a stork or love or some other abstract side-step. My mother described the anatomy to me and showed me a scientific diagram of the process. She told me that a sperm meets an egg and fertilizes it so the baby can grow. I learned most of this in scientific terms and was surprised when none of my middle school friends knew how a penis worked.

Is it wrong to lie to children?

When I was 9 or so our cat was eaten by a coyote. I asked my mom where he went and she said that he accidently got out the night before. She said they looked for him all morning, but it was too late. She didn’t use the word “gone” or “passed on” or “he’s in a better place now.”

She said he was dead. I said oh. She asked if I wanted to see him. I said yes. For the record, I am not actually sure if 9 year-olds should see corpses. That is neither here nor there. It was something that stuck with me though, the body of my cat with his tummy ripped out. I had never seen intestines before. His eyes were open.

But there was something cathartic about digging the grave. About helping pick up his little stiff body by the feet and placing him inside. There was something about piling on the red dirt as the sun set and letting the tears fall.

People on sitcoms hate talking about death. It’s understandable, it’s not funny, it makes for good dramatic irony when the kid asks “Where’s Socks?” and the parents go “Uuuuuh. He ran away.” I’ve never felt more alienated at those points. My cat died. He was eaten. I saw his body, and I buried it. Sometimes I think I wouldn’t want to be told he ran away-- that he had a choice in whether or not he left me.

Is it wrong to lie to children?

For a long time I thought the entirety of my childhood was wrong and bad, because I was miserable and broken at the end of it. I will assure you, my parents fucked up time and time again. But sometimes I have to stop and keep asking: Was this the wrong part? Was this the part where they fucked up? Was any part of this valuable? It’s a hard process to comb through an entire life and decide which bits are worth keeping, and if there are any silver linings.

So here is one: I am an honest person. I am a crooked person too, unsure of where to place my feet in social situations, picking my way through others normalcy. I do not readily share information, I am not forthcoming, and it’s a slow burn for me to open up about anything.

However, I notice time and time again that strangers will share personal things with me. I don’t mean for it to happen, but there’s just this pattern in my life. I once went on a car ride with a girl I barely know from my debate team. She described how she wanted to lose her virginity, she wanted it, but was scared God would be angry. That she’d be dirty afterwards. I told her that that was impossible, sex was just an act, it had no eyes, it had no priestly robes, or bearing on her soul. She cried. She said she hadn’t told me anyone this before.

I had a friend in high school who was struggling with an eating disorder, people had tried to get her to talk about it before, but I was the first person she admitted it to. In the hallway, sitting, just discussing nothing, and out it comes: I’m scared to eat sometimes. I was on a city bus and an old woman struck up a conversation with me. Over an hour or so, and she ended up telling me her fears for her own daughter going away to college. Her fear of growing old and passing on. Her problems with sleeping as she lay awake and dreaded it.

People have told me about their problems with substance abuse, their struggles with sexuality, and childhood trauma. People spill to me and I sit there thinking: Why? Sometimes I think it’s my gender or just how people are, but it always feels like I’m missing some part of the picture. Why do people open up to me, unprompted, all at once? Why me?

Is it wrong to lie to children?

Recently, I was reading a memoir set in 2001 where two young kids ask the narrator, their mother, about 9/11. They asked what happened to the people on television who were jumping off the building. Where did they go? The mother says this: They were caught. There are people-catchers that flew and saved them. Everyone is okay.

This story was meant to be heartfelt and lyrical, relatable. It ended like this: It is the job of mothers to offer gentle lies.

I had to stop reading because I was suddenly lost in a white-hot rage, unexpected, knee-jerk. How could she do that? I found myself frothing. They trusted her with answers and she lied. How could she? I knew it was irrational. It was silly even. This was a sweet story. It was meant to be heart-warming and framed in a way that suggested this is what all mothers do. This was what they needed to do. 

I felt my own mother, pumping through my veins, furious that these elementary school students were being betrayed. I stopped myself of course, I knew it wasn’t reasonable. I wasn’t raised “correctly.” I had no legs to stand on.

But still, is it alright to lie to children?

I am once again faced with that unending dilemma: how to throw-out those parts of myself that don’t work and keep the ones that do. It’s difficult to say, because in some ways I agree with my mom. How can I not? But death is cruel. Sex is weird. Santa Claus is a beautiful lie.

And what’s wrong with lying? I still don’t know. What’s wrong with letting them never hurt? Never knowing the pain or gross parts of the world? What’s the harm in letting them make-believe?

But sometimes I think about all those people who have cried to me. All these unprompted confessions come with an unspoken plea: I hurt. I am afraid. I am so scared. It’s all so heavy, these painful truths.

And some part of me stands there, the part my mother raised and says: there is nothing in this life that is too shameful. There is nothing in this world that is unnatural. There is nothing in this life to lie about, even to children.

Is death too painful? Is sex too gross? Would you tell an adult that a man lives in the North Pole and watches them?

I asked my mom, years later, when I was less furious and able to talk with her again without screaming, about why she believed all this. She had told me about it since I was very young, but I never asked why. She shrugged. She said: children are people, aren’t they?

I still don’t know what to do with this.

Children are people, but they are not adults. They shouldn’t be exposed to “adult” things, right? But is that line so concrete? Is the word “adult” just a mask for the greater word, the one we really mean? We all agree: honesty is good. Lying hurts. But it’s alright to lie to kids, because in many ways they aren’t people yet, they aren’t people yet, they don’t count.

I am admittedly an argumentative person. I was on the debate team, mock trial, United Nations, I studied political science in college and fought with every single one of my professors I thought was wrong. And I stood in that playground, age 6, and told every single one of my classmates Santa wasn’t real and I wouldn’t stop. The truth was important. And my mother, no matter what, thought I disserved it.

I often felt tiny and powerless as a kid. Terrified and holding myself together by shoestrings. I often felt there would be nothing better in the world than to be grown up. Not for the money or the dating or the job, I just wanted to feel like the hurricane would end. That one day I could stand on solid ground again. My friend often says: I wish I could be a kid again, ya know? No responsibilities. Just bliss. I want to be a kid again.

I can’t relate. I never have. I’ve been busy weeding through the pipes and lighting and the carpentry of my upbringing and asking myself: is any of this worth keeping? Is any part of me built correctly? There are no right answers.

But still, I am haunted. I sit and ask myself in circles: is it alright to lie to children?

------------

My book 🌟 Ko-fi 🌟 Patreon

[flutter-hot-butter]

Fire meets Water

Portgas D. Ace X Reader

Warning! Smut under the cut~

"What do you mean you won't let a woman fight on your crew?!" You stare in disbelief at the bare chested pirate captain. The second division leader of Whitebeards following was towering a little above you, but looked at you straight nonetheless, grinning apologetically. "No can do lass. The old man doesn't allow woman figters on his deck and I live by his example. I made an exception for my old crew, but I'll have to turn you down..." You bald your fists. "Yeah sure, turn down my offer right after I helped saving your mates, ship and hide from that Sea King." You point at the boat just off the coast of the remote island you crashed on after the recent battle. "Real fair of you!" "Now now, don't get all pouty, princess. Sure, you've shown some admirable strength, but fighting a creature whose brain is as dense as the sea it resides in is something else than just randomly joining one of the elite crews of the sea. Still... If you insist..." Ace shifts, taking a battle stance. "I suppose I could arrange something, if you can beat me, that is." You smile, dropping your bag. "Bring it on!"

Ace coughs. The steam is still thick in the air as you kneel down beside him, barely capable of containing your excitement. He was on the ground, which means you've won against the Fire Fist Ace! You reach out a hand. "Let me help you." Ace scowls at you. "You could have told me you had a Mizu Mizu (read: water water) fruit." You retract your hand. "And reveal my tactics? Seems unwise." "Yeah sure you can keep it from an enemy. But a friend? Your possible crewmates? We're elemental opposities. You could've seriously hurt me if I didn't react in time." Ace gets up and sighs. "You're welcome to be a part of the crew, but you've got a long way to go to earn some trust." And with that, Ace and the other members of the division head for the ship.

You stare at the black water, your head and arms resting on the railing of the ship. Today had been a disaster. Sure you managed to get on Ace's crew, but you somehow still felt humiliated. You sniff as the merry sounds of your newfound crewmates drift off to the stars from the other side of the deck. You don't feel particulary cheery. You're lost in thought about how you can make it up to your captain, when his voice startles you from behind. "You look cold." You snap your head to the left, where Ace took a seat on the railing without you noticing. He nods towards your arms, which indeed have chilly goosebumps. "Oh sorry, I didn't-" "No need to apologize for being cold," Ace laughs. You feel silly. "I am sorry though. For what happened this afternoon, captain." Ace waves his hand through the air. "Bygones be bygones. You've learned and you're a part of the Whitebeard pirates now. Besides, I might have been a bit sultry too. You're pretty strong, for a girl," Ace jokes. You both laugh. You're about to say something in retortion, when a gust of wind blows by, making you shiver. Ace slides from the railing and wraps his arms around you. you're surprised by his action, but then realise how warm he is for someone who walks around with a bare upper body at this time of night. "You're... Warm..." You whisper "Yeah... A side-effect from the Devil Fruit..." Ace mumbles. He then buries his face in your hair. "Hmmm, you smell good..." You chuckle. "I doubt it will last out here on the sea." "Then I'll be sure to treasure this moment." You stand there in his embrace for a while, a little flustered, when Ace starts talking again. "Let's make tonight even more memorable..." He removes his arms around you and grabs your hands. You gaze into his eyes. The harsh, combative look of that afternoon had gone. Like a blazing fire turning into a kindling flame, Ace now looks at you with a soft smile, his eyes twinkling in the light of the moon. He tugs you towards the doors and pulls you inside. After a bit of a walk through the wooden hallway, he pulls you through another set of doors. You enter a room which you recognize as a captain's cabin. What was he planning? Before you could ask any questions, however, Ace had shut the door, and cloased all space between the two of you. You feel his chapped lips move against yours as he kisses you passionately. You place your hands against his muscular chest in a weak attempt to push him away. He puts his hands on your hips. You can't help it. The intense battle this afternoon, that moment you shared on the deck... He had been pulling you in completely all day, and you were genuinely starting to fall for the rather handsome, black haired captain. Your captain. With a jolt, you jump back. You can see Ace furrowing his brows in the dim light of the cabin. "Didn't like it?" "N-No.. It's just that... Well... You're the captain, and..." Ace sniggers. "There's no law on Whitebeard's crew preventing us from doing this. But if you really don't want to... You know where the door is," Ace says, while putting his signature hat on the coat rack next to the door and removing his shoes, not breaking eye contact. You don't move a muscle. Your mind is still racing in all directions, but it seems your body has already made a choice. Carefully regarding your actions, Ace makes his way over to you. Slowly, he leans in. Detecting that you're not going to retract, he carefully closes the gap between you again. As his nose softly brushes against yours, all thoughts in your head go silent, and you lean in as well. You slide your hands over his shoulders, resting them at the back of his neck. He wraps his arms around you. As the kiss becomes rougher, Ace urges you to slowly walk backwards, until you're up against the wall. he pins your arms to the side and breaks loose. You look at him. His gaze has changed once again. From combatant to soft, and now to an expression laced with lust. He strats trailing kisses down your cheek towards your neck. You softly moan as he sucks down on a delicate spot. He quickly releases

a hand to put a finger over your lips. "Now now, don't alert the rest of the crew, or our fun will be over," he grins, a playful glimmer in his eyes. He kisses you again, sliding his tongue across asking for entrance. You grant him. Meanwhile, his hands trail to your legs. Without any effort, he hoists them around his middle. You hastily grab on to his upper body for balance. Ace starts to grind against you. you can feel his member being rock hard already through his trousers. You let out a muffled moan. Ace grunts in agreement. You wrap your legs around his waist. His hands trail upwards again, towards your breasts. He squeezes them softly, making you break away for air. You bite your lip as he starts to toy around witht hem through the fabric of your shirt. He then tugs on your shirt and murmurs. "These clothes are getting in the way..." He taps your upper legs, signalling you to let go. Once you're firmly back on the ground again, Ace wastes no time pulling your shirt over your head. Your bra befalls the same fate. You are now both bare chested. Ace takes in the view and whistles. "Wow," he breathes. You have to surpress a giggle. Ace pulls you along to the bed, and gestures you to lay down. You quickly remove your sandals. Ace places himself on top of you, at level with your boobs, and takes a hold of both of them again. He rolls your erect nipples around in his fingers. You grab the sheets. Ace then takes a nipple in his mouth, carefully sucking. You can barely hold in a whimper. After a while, Ace relases your boobs ans reaches for your mouth again. During the kiss, he starts removing your skirt and underpants. his own garments accompany yours on the wooden floor. You pop yourself up a bit to take a look at his erect member. "You like what you see?" He grins, as he inches a bit closer. You smile, and open your mouth. Ace thrusts his hips forward, placing his tip on your tongue. You start sucking. Ace places a hand behind your head to hold you up right, and tangles his fingers into your hair. "Oh, that feels good..." He whispers. You slowly start bobbing your head. Ace goes along with your movement. You increase the tempo. You can hear his breath become irregular. Suddenly, he pulls away. You look at him in confusion, but he winks. "Not yet." He repositions himself to sit in between your legs, placed perfectly in front of your entrance. He traces one finger down over the length of your labia. You lean in to his touch. You can see him smile at your natural response. He strokes again, pressing a little harder this time. He then repeats the motion once more, also stroking upward. He stops at your clitoris, and makes a repetitive motion against the spot. Your nails dig into the bed as Ace replaces his finger with his tip, sliding up and down your vulva. You can feel yourself getting wetter. Ace continues until you've become slippery, at which point he places his penis against your opening. "Brace yourself." He pushes himself in. You put a hand over your mouth as he slowly submerges himself fully. Once he is all the way in, he leans over to you, prying your hand away and replacing it with his lips, to distract you. It doesn't take you too long to adjust, and soon you can feel his shaft throb. Ace starts his movement. First slow, but gradually picking up speed. He sits up right again and grabs your breasts, kneading them as he moves in and ou of you. You can feel your body growing more tense as the pleasure increases. As the speed rises to a certain point, Ace lays down and holds on to your shoulders for balance, pressuring them to augment his thrusts. You try not to scream as you feel his member pulsate. "Please Ace..." You moan softly. You want to release so badly. "Almost..." He groans. His breath has become ragged. With one last great impact, you can feel him spill inside you. It pushes you over the edge as well, and your can feel your body relax under the pleasure. Ace collapses on top of you, and you both breathe heavy. When Ace manages to recollect himself, he pulls out, and lays down beside you. You

turn on your side towards him. You can see that he's satisfied with his job. As your sexual high wears off, your chills return. You shift closer to Ace, cuddling up to him. Even now, his body is warm. He skillfully pulls the covers from under your bodies and pulls them over yourselves. He brushes a strand of your hair aside, and pulls up your chin to make you look at him. "You're an amazing girl, depsite the whole no women fighters law, don't you ever forget that. I never knew I'd fall for you so hard." He puts his arms around you. You smile and shrug. "What can I say? Opposites attract." You both laugh exhausted. As you drift off to sleep, Ace has one last thing to say to you. "Oh and (Y/N), now that we share a bedroom... You're not required to call me captain anymore." "Will do, Ace."

[thewhitejournal]

doctor’s orders .

(not my gif)

request by @lovely-lady-lumps : Can you do a cute Dean Winchester x reader where they take a shower and she washes his hair for him and it's just a really soft moment between them?

Dean Winchester x Female!Reader Oneshot

the premiere of the newest episode of supernatural this evening got me falling in love with soft Dean all over again, so i felt like now would be the perfect time to write this. hope y’all enjoy!

warnings: cursing, a little smutty i won’t lie

Dean had been moping around the bunker for the last couple of days, sick as a dog. Every day he would feel a tad better, but not back to full health quite yet. You felt bad for him; you were used to seeing the eldest brother witty and full of energy, but this cold was kicking his ass. You teased him, telling him it was because he didn’t eat his vegetables. He’d only roll his eyes and chuckle deeply. The cold gave his voice the ill but deep and sexy tone. It suited him perfectly, but what didn’t?

Ever since the Winchester brothers saved you from becoming vamp dinner about six months ago, you’d grown so attached to them, but in very different ways. Sure, Sam was so intelligent and funny and you couldn’t deny attractive, but Dean gave you a feeling in your chest that nobody had ever made you feel before. His emerald green eyes pierced through you every time you stole a glance at each other, and his lips looked to be softer than silk. You didn’t know that for sure though, neither of you had made a move.

It was getting to be around noon, and Dean was still in bed. Usually, by now you’d at least had heard him use the bathroom or sneeze from your room next to his. You rolled out of bed, sliding on your house shoes, and wrapping the cardigan you wore around your body. The cold, fall temperatures outside weren’t helping Dean feel better either. You walked out of your room, turning to your right to see his bedroom door closed. Your knuckles rapped softly against the old wood. He mumbled for you to come in.

You slowly pushed the door open, seeing that Dean was lying in almost complete darkness, wrapped up in two blankets and wearing a matching long-sleeved pajama set. You could tell he was slipping in and out of consciousness; his eyes looked like they were begging him to shut them and go back to sleep. You sat next to him on the edge of the bed, placing your hand on his chest. He was laying flat on his back. His body heat was burning through the shirt he wore.

“Dean, you’re burning up.” You muttered softly, touching his forehead softly with the back of your hand. His skin was on fire. He groaned.

“I’m so cold though, (Y/N). Snuggle me.” He all but pouted as he said this. You were taken aback; you knew Dean was bold, but never with you. Now it was your face’s turn to heat up. When you didn’t move, he scooted over and made room, then pulled you down to lay next to him. You yelped with surprise, and he chuckled deeply.

His arms wrapped around you, and he exhaled peacefully. You laid your hand on his chest, your other arm hugging your waist. One of his hands rested on top of yours. You snuggled up to him; you couldn’t help it, he was really warm and you were freezing. It didn’t help that he just smelled so damn good too. But not the best, you happened to notice.

“I think you should take a shower.” You whispered. Laughter echoed throughout his chest, followed by a couple of coughs.

“I stink that bad?” You were silent, a smile wavering on your lips. He lightly hit your hand.

“Shut up, bitch.” He remarked.

“Jerk.” You looked up at him; he was looking down at you and smiling. Your gaze lingered on each other, and you thought he was going to kiss you, but he slowly sat up, groaning all the way. You got out of the bed.

“Alright, doctor’s orders. But you need one too.” He smiled up at you, bed head at its finest. You gasped playfully.

“What, me? Never.”

“No, you don’t smell so great yourself, princess. My nose might be clogged up but I could smell your ass a mile away.” You pouted at him, the nickname giving you butterflies. He laughed lightly.

“Might as well take one together and save water.” You joked. His eyebrows rose and his lips parted in surprise. You realized he may not have known you were kidding. “Dean, I was just-“ You tried defending yourself, but he cut you off.

“Sounds good to me. But you have to wash my hair. My arms are killing me.” He threw the blankets off of him, standing up and started unbuttoning his shirts right in front of you. You turned your head instinctively, but his finger lifted your chin to meet his eyes.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” His eyes flickered all over your face, voice low and sultry. Of course, you wanted to, you were just nervous. You’d never been with a guy like Dean before; you knew he cared about you and didn’t want to hurt you, that’s what made him special.

“You know I’ll take care of you, right, (Y/N)? Nothing bad is going to happen to you.” His calloused hands held your face. His hot, bare chest was against your sweater.

“I know.” You muttered. He placed a soft, gentle kiss on your lips, and you kissed him back. This was your guys’ first kiss, and it was everything you’d dreamed of. Minus Dean’s cold of course; the thought crossed your mind only for a second that you might get sick too, but you lost any care you might’ve grown to have. He pulled away, smirking at you. You smiled back, how could you not?

He took your hand and led you to the bathroom adjoined to his room, shutting the door behind him. He placed another kiss on your lips, less gentle this time, but you didn’t mind. As silly as it might sound, you felt like you two were making up for lost time; you’d felt like you’d known each other forever, and all the pining made it feel like so much longer. You stepped back from him and slowly pulled your cardigan off and dropping it to the floor. His eyes watched your every move so carefully, eyes growing darker in color and pupils growing wider, like a hungry animal. Again, you didn’t mind. He made you feel like a powerful, sexy, wanted woman; no man had ever made you feel that way.

Your shirt came off your body next, slipping off your arms and onto the floor. You wore no bra underneath your clothes; you were relaxing at home, after all. What kind of person relaxes in a bra? Dean was mesmerized by your chest, but not in a creepy way. He was admiring your new-to-him beauty, eyes flickering all over the freshly exposed skin.

“(Y/N)...you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” His voice was low and had that sickly tone. It was saying a lot though; Dean had been with hundreds of women over the years, but they didn’t compare to you. You were a goddess in his eyes; despite all the flaws you saw in your body, he loved it, from head to toe. He closed the distance between the two of you again, wrapping his arms around your now bare waist. Now you could feel just how hot his skin was. His lips met yours again and he trailed hungry kisses down your neck. You stifled a moan, knowing Sam was around here somewhere. You knew Dean was going to leave marks, but you didn’t care.

He stepped back and pulled his pants off, not wearing any underwear for some reason. He was sporting a bit of a hard-on, which gave you, even more, self-confidence. You did the same, kicking off your pants and underwear to the side. You were both stood completely naked in front of each other for the first time, just admiring each other’s bodies. You smirked.

“Ready for your spa day, Mr. Winchester?” You joked. He nodded his head eagerly like a child. You couldn’t help but laugh at this. He was adorable yet so sexy at the same time. How did he do it?

You turned the water on in the shower and waited for it to get to a comfortable and warm temperature. Your back was to Dean, and you could feel his eyes on you, admiring every inch of your skin. You felt a little self-conscious, but you knew he thought you were beautiful just as you were. You stepped in, beckoning Dean with one finger and a smirk on your lips. He smirked back, following you into the shower.

You stepped back and let the water flow over your body, running your hands over your hair so that it all got wet. You opened your eyes to see Dean in front of you, entranced with you. “What?” You laughed nervously. He didn’t say anything; he just encased you in his arms and kissed you roughly. You felt his hard dick on your leg, making you blush profusely. You even let a little moan slip from between your lips. He returned you the favor.

“Don’t worry about him right now, we’re here to shower. He can wait.” Dean said as he pulled away; you imagined he was referring to his penis. You laughed a tad and nodded. You motioned for him to turn around and you squirted some of his shampoo in your hands, massaging it into his scalp. He groaned, leaning into your hands. You giggled.

“Thanks for doing this, (Y/N). I think I’m already feeling a lot better.” He whispered. You smiled.

“Anytime, Winchester.”