#{This woman is such a smartass xD

[marinerainbow]

Ok I know i said I was gonna wait until you answered all the fics, but then I saw the first thing you wrote.

Dragon!Smartass and HostagePrincess!Poppy???? Phantom!Smartass and Christine!Poppy?????? Are you trying to make me go into shock??? Do you want me to die? Well you SUCCEEDED-

Oh? What do you mean? I meant no such t h i n g by that line! I don't know what you're talking about >:)

Ok I'm supposed to be sleeping... But I had to write what I'm certain is going to be my favorite of all the 'what now' scenarios with the ships. Smarty-Pop.

~

This was (is?) a rather... Strange hostage situation. For everyone involved.

Poppy had always managed to bring out Smartass' softer side. Sure, he may yell at times, though it was because his buttons got pushed too many times that day, not because he was angry at her. And Poppy was the one who could calm him down while everything was going insane. So seeing him grab her so roughly and sneer in her face that night had been a shock and a half for everyone. And it was even more jarring when he announced that she wasn't allowed to leave the house anymore.

It wasn't like he had her tied up though. He had threatened to do it, but he hadn't. She wasn't even locked up in the basement or anything; Poppy still had free reign around the house, and Smartass made it clear that she was still to be respected as his girl- though nobody was to to follow any orders she tried to give, not that Poppy used that power anyways did she even realize she was given that authority? And aside from the first few days he had been gruff with her, still feeling hurt and angry that she threatened to leave, she wasn't in any real danger... Honestly, if it weren't for reason behind her house arrest, and the fact that she wasn't allowed to be alone anymore, things would have seemed normal.

But it wasn't. Everyone knew that their relationship was never going to be the same again. It was especially obvious whenever Poppy's begging could be heard behind their closed door; pleading her questionable lover to stop this horrible plan of the judge's. Begging him to see that all this was insane... Just wanting him to not be the evil weasel that he was drawn to be.

It wasn't just her that was affected by her imprisonment, too. Stupid had no idea who to listen to now; his boss and brother, or his sad little friend. Psycho, Poppy's best friend, thought it was nice that they didn't have to worry about how they'd get her out of town now. But he didn't like the way Smartass had been making her cry lately. Wheezy knew that this was wrong, but he also knew when the boss' mind was made up, so all he could do at this point was try to offer a comforting ear to Poppy. And Greasy... She wasn't sure how he felt about this, but he and Smartass' had been having a lot more conversations in Spanish lately, and they seem to be talking about her.

As the week went by, it was also clear how much of a toll this was taking on the rabbit. She just looked so war torn, like she was in a terrible battle- which she technically was. But she didn't stop trying to reach through to Smartass. Even on the day they were all packing everything up to move into their new home, Poppy still tried to stop it, claiming that, "Toontown is our home. Everything we love is here. "

Of course, it didn't work. It only made the boss more frustrated that they were, "Fallin' behind schedule. Now get in the car, 'Pops."

There wasn't a big celebration the night they came home. Everything had gone according to plan, and there was nothing but opportunity left for the weasels now... But there was still one problem that Smartass had been dreading preparing to face while the others were distracted with their own activities.

For the first time in what was far too long, Smartass was actually careful with Poppy. Quietly opening the door to the room she had been kept in and sitting down beside her before untying her- the only time he had actually used the rope against her, and it was only to make sure she didn't run while they were all gone. Brushing the stray curls away from her face, trying so hard to be gentle again just like how they were before, "It's done. It's just us now, sweetheart..."

For a few seconds, she doesn't respond. Those few seconds grated on his already uneased nerves, but when she tilted her head to look up towards him, it felt like a punch to the gut. No warmth in her eyes, yet no denial either. She was frowning at him, but not glaring either. There was no anger or disgust for what he had done... Just miserable defeat.

The sight twisted the hardened criminals heart. He didn't delude himself into thinking she'd be happy, but this? Shaking his head, Smartass decided to try to pull her in for a hug. It had been a while since he could hold her like this, and he... They needed it, "Things are gonna be different now, but it'll be good out here. I promise."

She didn't wrap her arms around him, but she didn't try to pull away. She almost felt like a limp doll in all honesty. They were so close now, he could hear her loud and clear despite her whispering voice, "It's heartbreaking, that you thought I was the only thing in town worth saving."

...

He didn't say anything, but not because he was ignoring her. The way his arms pulled her closer to him, holding her in a way that almost would have been protective, was proof that he was listening. She was still here with him. She was still within his reach, and yet she wasn't.

Things were never going to be the same.

... okay.

... Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

I am not alright.

I am so very much not all right!! 😰😱😭😰😱😭😰 SO AT FIRST, I was obsessing over the whole Dragon!Smartass/HostagePrincess!Poppy (Or Erik!Smartass x Christine!Poppy- I'm not sure which comparison I like more) thing at the start and how the other weasels were dealing with this, because all of that was delicious-

BUT THEN THAT LINE.

YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHICH LINE PAL. THE ONE YOU WROTE TO BREAK EVERYONES FRAGILE HEARTS. THIS ONE-

"It's heartbreaking, that you thought I was the only thing in town worth saving."

Oh god I remember reading this one for the first time, months ago, vividly XD How I clutched my chest Oh my goodness.

NO WONDER THIS ONE WAS YOUR FAVOURITE!! AHH! ITS AMAZING!

(i also love how g e n t l e he got with her in the second half)

[cuddlebugmonster]

Silly question

But

What are the turtle's sexuality in the BU au?

Not silly at all ! Alrighty !

Raph is transfem lesbian, she/they, autistic, lovely bb Gurl love her to death, love myself a giant buff woman, big mama bear and goddess, love language is physical touch and quality time

Leo is transmasc gay demisexual, he/him, adhd, very needy and fruity, flirtatious obvi, insomniac, love myself a sassy king, took the closet door with him, love language is physical affection and words of affirmation

Donnie is nonbinary bisexual asexual, they/them, autistic, the funny one obvi, smartass (affectionatly), can be very witty and flirty, secretly loves physical affection, love language is gift giving and words of affirmation

Mikey is aroace genderfluid, all pronouns but loves angel the most, adhd, artsy, roast master and will roast you to death, mystic warrior, really enjoys quiet, love language is physical touch and gift giving

A little more info than asked but ya XD I think this is just in general how i see them, understandably there would be a couple of changes of character in my bad au, but the sexuality’s are the same !

[ixiot-ghostrebel]

YOU. I LOVE IT EVERY BIT OF IT. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE ITTTT ALSO IF CAN YOU MAKE A PART TWO IF YOU CAN??? ITS OKAY IF U DONT WANNA. MUAH MUAH TO YOU AND THAT ANON‼️‼️‼️‼️💗💗💗💗

THANK YOU SO MUCH, @raaaaaaahornetstinger! Here is the Part 2! I am so glad that you love Part 1! And, let's be honest, the oneshot would not have existed if not for the Anon and the headcanons XD Hope you enjoy this one!

Key Information: There is a time skip gape from Part 1 and Part 2. Part 2 is in Reader's POV, and it will begin with the Reader asleep, after the incident with Nahida and Venti. Reader does not know about Nahida and Venti's punishment given by the Imposter.

Click Me to Read Part 1!

𝐀 𝐏𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐁𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐇𝐨𝐩𝐞.

Warnings: Bad Grammar, Spelling Mistakes, Not Beta Read, OOC Characters, Implications of Violence, & Mind Control/Mind Manipulation.

Read if you are okay with these terms. Please also let me know if I missed a warning!

— — —

"MX. Y/N!!!" A child screams, running into my view. I don't remember the child's name, but I know who they are. They are familiar. They are someone from a village.

They grow up to be the next Blacksmith of the village, after their father.

They grow up and marry the whole-hearted, girl that would be a strong woman, working in their farm, selling their crops to make a living.

They become prosperous in their village, and make their friends and family proud.

It hasn't happened yet, but I know it would happen. Every child born in Teyvat, no matter who their parents are, I am their "Prime Parent," as the child would say as a joke. They are all my children-in-spirit.

I smile down at the child. "What is it, Little One?" I ask in a gentle tone, crouching down to get to their level. "What exciting adventure happened today?"

"Mx. Y/N! The Village Chief told me to bring you to our village!" the child replies happily, grasping one of my hands. "Let's go, let's go, let's go!" They bounce up and down from their excitement. I chuckle at the child's antics, but I relent. Who could deny a child as adorable as this, anyways?

The path to the village was a fast blur, and all of a sudden, I am swarmed around by villagers, happily greeting me and hugging me, smiling and offering me trinkets and goods they have prepared for my arrival. I smile and wave, kindly accepting one or two things from each villager.

It was amazing.

It was lively. It felt like home.

"Happy Birthday to our Honorable and Forever Humble Guest!" The Village Chief shouts, raising his glass.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

—

I wake up, gasping.

Oh. Another one of those dreams again. Past memories of me being this "creator." Hah, how bittersweet. It seems like nobody can tell the difference, not even this world—Teyvat! If Teyvat doesn't even recognize me, how the heck will I ever survive this hunt?

More importantly, how the heck does someone break the mind control the Imposter has over everyone?

I sigh, finally getting my breathing under control. These questions will have to wait for another day—I still don't know much about it. It's not everyday you read a sagau fanfic about the Imposter being a smartass. It's even more rare to hear about mind control! What was this, the Zombie Apocalypse?

I sigh again, sitting up from the grass I was laying down on. Like usual, my clothes were a mess. But there was not time to dwell on that. I get up from where I slept—under a big tree—and begin to walk cautiously through the area.

I need to find a way to enter Inazuma, to get to the Statue of Seven. Surprisingly, getting dendro was a whole lot faster than getting Electro. Mainly because Inazuma is an island.

While I could just use anemo to fly across the sea, there is only one issue: my anemo powers are much stronger if I stay in Mondstadt, and no where else.

Building a bridge made of geo to Inazuma? It'll probably die a quarter way there, honestly. And there's no way in the hell would dendro be of use in this situation—unless you count walking on kelp and seaweed to be an option (probably still unlikely though).

I sigh again, exhausted. This was going to be so difficult than I thought it would be.

If only I could just use waypoints like the Traveler!

As I continue to walk, I begin to wonder what real purpose there is for my existence here. Sure, I'm the creator and all, cool, amazing, but what am I suppose to do when literally everyone I ever care and love and simp for decides to throw me out the window, willing to rip my guts open because my Imposter called me the imposter?

At this rate, now knowing that the imposter is smart and can literally mind control people, I'm starting to lose hope. After all, how was I suppose to defeat a tyrant all by myself?

I sigh again, this time more frustrated. I kicked the dirt beneath my feet. So annoying—my hope leaving me, my courage turning into fear and leaving me begging for my life...

If only I could do something about it all...

Wait a minute.

The dream I had earlier. The village. Where was it? Where did it originate from? All the details I remember...the child, becoming a blacksmith, the child's wife...a birthday surprise, a banquet...

What did all of this add up to? There had to be a meaning behind it, just like all of the other ones I've been getting every time I get some shut eye.

I hide behind the nearest thing closest to me—a tree—as I hear footsteps. I continue to think. I closed my eyes, concentrating. Where was that village...

Oh. Oh, I am such an idiot. That village.

It was where Khaenri'ah used to stand, before Khaenri'ah even stood. I don't know how I know, but I do. I know where it is. I guess it's some sort of gut feeling.

Time to look through the Abyss, I guess..? But how do I even get there in the first place? And, more importantly, would the Abyss Order attack me on sight? (They probably will, I mean, who am I kidding? They probably loathe the Creator anyways for what they've become.)

Well, one way to find out, I guess. No hope left, but this was a lead onto something. And it's better to try than to give up, right? Besides, who else would if I didn't?

I wait for the rest of the footsteps to fade, before bolting to the location that I have engraved in my mind. I will not be dying today, nor ever. That much, I will bring with me.

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑬𝒏𝒅.

Ghost Rebel Side Note: I don't think this one was as good as Part 1. To this, I apologize 😭 I am so sorry for making this a lower quality than the previous part! It honestly feels so rushed—I'm so sorry 😭 My motivation ran dry.

Will I make a Part 3 for this? Maybe, but it will take some time—motivation comes in sparks and it lights a fire before it disappears once it finds no more roots to burn :')

Also, since I'm at it...THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR a) 4000+ LIKES AND b) 100 FOLLOWERS! Y'all are great, I swear 😭

Check the Ghost Rebel's Blog Description to See if Their Mailbox is Open!

[darlingpassion]

WAIT.

Something just occurred to me that I dont think we've ever talked about. A very terrible one, so- trigger warning for sexual assault (the whole Lottie conception thing).

So Rena fucks black-out-drunk Smartass on a really bad night after a terrible fight with King. She was under the influence of hard drugs, but, still- she was more Aware, then he was. He resembled her husband, and in her fucked-up, drug-addled mind, gravitated towards him. Used him. Left early and got pregnant.

It was a fucked up situation all around but Rena was definitely the instigater and in a bad place head-wise; emotionally erratic and a loose canon.

Well... in the universe where they all know eachother eventually- does Shiny k n o w??? Does Poppy know??? If King found out about Lottie, Rena would definitely tell him the whole story. But I don't think she'd go around telling just anyone (or if she'd even care. Or think about it at all. Getting drunk and fucked up and doing 'fucked up shit' (little baby firefly reference for you to lighten the mood XD ) is an all the time kinda thing for her after all). And I doubt that Smartass would, either. So...

??? What do you think? Maybe King tells them. How do they react? 🤔

(Oh god what of LOTTIE found out. She already doesn't want her mother, now she's about to kick this woman's ass)

This... I knew we had to confront it when we started to ship our OC's together, but I was afraid to 😅😭😅😭

Hooooooooo boy. Ok. Lemme break this down. I've been simmering on this ask for the past couple of days cause I wanna D I S C U S S this-

First off- whether or not Poppy and Shiny know what Rena did.

Hm... I feel like it's kind of yes, kind of no? And Shiny knows more than Pops does. Obviously, they don't know who the mother is, and if Smartass can't remember that night, then he's either blocked the memory out or he was that black out drunk. I don't think the darker side of this would really sink in for Poppy early on because, although she does know creeps exist, she imagines them being more confrontational; she did kind of grow up sheltered, and the only creeps she's encountered in Downtown are those who aren't subtle. So she doesn't think about the consequences of leaving your drink open in a crowded bar, or someone waiting until you're inebriated and not sound of mind to invite you over to their place (i really really really want to write Poppy getting drugged at a bar while hanging out with Greasy or Shiny, and they notice and take care if shit. Kind of like your Jim x Reader drabble). It took her a while to realize that how she and Henry met was also pretty predatory on his part, though.

Remember when I told you I imagine Poppy actually being there the night Lottie was dropped off on their doorstep? I also see her, after getting over the shock of a baby in this mobster house, trying to help Smarty retrace his steps so they can figure out where the baby even came from, "Ok, do you remember where you were nine months ago?" "Who the hell keeps track a'that!?" "Nobody, but in this case, we really need to figure that out-" Whether Smartsss remembers and tells her or not, after thinking it over, I think Poppy would suspect that Smartass was also taken advantage of and is scared and sorry for him. She'll ask him if he's OK and assure him it wasn't his fault, even if he tries to brush it off. As usual, Poppy would go into well-meaning-but-kinda-overbearing mode. She hopes that maybe the mother was also drunk- it's still bad for them both, but it's better than if she soberly saw Smartass in the state he was in and slept with him still. She wouldn't be sure if she should keep Lottie's hope up for her mother in this case since they only know Smartass' side, and will listen if he or Lottie says they aren't interested in the possibility that her mother may come back.

Shiny on the other hand, she's encountered nearly every type of fucker you could think of, especially now that she works in the adult entertainment industry. She's even fallen victim to some of them in the past. It's part of why she's so ready to square up and gouge someone's eye out if they give her the wrong vibe- hell, when she's out with her gals, especially Poppy, she's sniffing out for creeps while having fun. It's just second nature to her at this point. So when she was told about baby Lottie and heard that Smartass had no memory of that night, her alarm bells were already ringing in her head. Even if she annoys Smartass, she does see him as kind of like a little brother... A little brother who's a little asshole and got little man issues, but a little brother all the same (yes, that means she sees Stu as her little brother too. And he's a whole lot nicer than her other adopted brother XD), so she's also got that protective streak in her despite constantly teasing him.

She wants to find the bitch who took advantage of him, and tells him they should go find the mother- not for Lotties sake, but for his. Shiny is headstrong, so it'd take a lot for the guys to convince her to don't bother if Smarty doesn't want to go through all that trouble. Shiny wouldn't approve if Poppy tried to encourage Lottoe to be hopeful about her mother. Even if she wasn't such a monster like Shiny is imagining her to be, she still left her daughter. In Shiny's eyes, that's inexcusable. But maybe this is why Shiny hates Rena so much; she got the vibes from that woman without even finding out she was Lotties mother.

So even though Poppy and Shiny don't know the whole story, they both do end up suspecting and worried for him. Shiny would have no issues against telling Lottie that her mother is a bad person, and Poppy is trying to figure out what to tell Lottie when she asks (honestly they'd probably sit down together and go back and forth, especially if this is after Lottie asked Poppy if shes her mother and Poppy needs advice). If either of them met Rena after this?? And found out what she did???? Hoooooo boy.

Shiny is gonna start swinging, regardless if they've fucked or not. Enough said. Rena is a weapons expert, but Shiny inherited her dad's honey badger crack-head determination. It's anyone's fight at that rate.

Poppy? Ohhhhh ho ho ho, it depends on their relationship. If she just remained uncomfortable around Rena (which would happen in the Pocho, or any weasel ship, timeline. I don't care how alluring Rena turns it up, Poppy ain't cheating on her S/O), then this gives her more incentive to stay away from her. I can see her confronting Rena, even if it has been years at this rate. How could she have gone after a drunken man?! Even if she was having a bad day!? Don't even get me started on Poppy's thoughts about Rena only coming back into Lottie's life when she wants something. The mama bear in her would really rear to the surface if that happened.

If she and Rena started a relationship though??? Oh... Oh hell no. This is so much worse than Rena dropping Poppy for Henry. Poppy also confronts Rena here, but she's so much more angry and disgusted than she was with the topic of Henry. If Rena doesn't show some kind of remose for what she did, Poppy will break up with her... She might break up with Rena anyway- which is pretty big in and of itself because, as I'm sure you've noticed, Poppy has never been the breaker in a relationship. How do you think Rena would respond to that?

Now granted, Rena was also under the influence. But as you said, she was more aware. I think maybe this might make Poppy hesitate? She doesn't indulge in drugs (except that one time Wheezy got her high on weed by accident *cough*) and she prefers to drink on specific times, so she's not so in-tune with how inebriated someone can get and how in control they can be. Shiny, however, she is a hard drinker and smokes (she sticks to Marijuana herself, but she has had a few friends who indulged in more serious drugs. Her slasher self, though, indulges in them greatly), so she does know that there are various levels of sobriety and intoxication. And she's pretty sure Rena wasn't black out drunk like Smartass, especially since she actually remembers that night.

Poppy, conflicted and unsure: Shouldn't we... Aren't we supposed to take her condition that night into consideration, too??

Shiny: that's actually a good point, Pops.

Shiny: *turns to Rena* do you remember what happened that night?

Rena: Yeah-

Shiny: Then kindly go fuck yourself with a sandpaper wrapped cactus that's tipped with E. Coli.

Now as for King... Poppy would have mixed feelings. It's obvious he's not like Rena and doesn't agree with what she does, but why are they still together?? Yes, he loves her, but... *looks at Rena and her cheating hoe-ass* yeah... Meanwhile, Shiny is suspicious of him if he's still with Rena afterall this. What kind of skeletons does he have in his closet?? Other than the obvious. She would try to keep Poppy away from King if this happened in the Kingpop timeline.

As for Lottie. Poppy wants to protect her, so she'll try to stop her from kicking Rena's ass. Yes, she's got training from the navy, but she won't let her little neice get hurt! Let her take care of this, sweetie. You and your father need to get away from this woman. Shiny would jump into the fight first... But she'd let Lottie get her kicks in too. And they can go get a drink at the bar afterwards and either sit in silence or talk about it, whatever Lottie would want.

So, tldr, Poppy and Shiny may not be told all the details, but they would start to suspect on their own. And Riny and Renpop would be nonexistent in this AU.

Fuuuuuuucccckkkk this hurt my heart so bad, especially the part of me that loves the Rena ships despite how dysfunctional they'd be. But we needed this too. What do you think?

[johtoxdarkxelite]

"Oh! Would you look at that, the toolbox speaks -- without direct orders to do so too! Make a mark on the calendar." She gives him a mock round of applause. "Congratulations."

"So..who let the toolbox out of the shed? I really, really don't want to deal with Rockets today."

[makoodles]

Seeing as Ola'netu is getting so much love, I'm going to jump on that train too XD Because oh my gosh, I am absolutely in love with him lol He's been to seven - SEVEN - mating seasons, and he's turned down every single woman in the clan who has expressed interest in him. Yet - YET - he shows up to each and every mating season, dressed to attract attention, with bright beaded jewelry and a finely woven battle band hugging his (slutty) slender waist!!!!! Either that boy has it bad for the reader, showing up to each mating season (for seven years!) in the hopes that she'll be there, that she'll be available and willing to give him a chance, or... or... well, I don't have another explanation XD He refuses every woman of the clan who asks him for a dance, yet, the moment he catches the reader looking at him, he smiles like a fool, walking up to where the reader sits (nestled in the Olo'eyktan's arms, mind you) and asks her to dance... *screeches into the massive void* How could we not fall head over heels in love with him? XD We never even stood a chance. And then you slap us all in the face with the filthiest Jake smut that has ever been smutted lol The conflict got real XD I mean, on one hand, you have Jake and Neytiri utterly destroying the reader together, showing her pleasure like anything she has ever experienced in her life. But on the other, you have the potential of not only going with Jake ad Neytiri destroying the reader, but for Ola'netu to be *gently coughs as I straighten my tie and fold my hands on the desk between us* guided by Jake (and Neytiri? I know foursomes can be quite tricky to write lol) on how to "safely" fuck his human mate. Ola'netu's courting would definitely bring out Jake's thorns, that's for sure. Because that's his BFF the punk is courting. Does he even know how to use that "small" thing between his legs? The jealousy would definitely be high for both Jake and Ola'netu lol And with that, I will end my rant and enjoy the Ola'netu train ride. We're headed toward a very small tunnel ahead and I'm absolutely invested to see how he'll...manage... that challenge XD Huehuehue... *Dr. Evil laugh*

EVERYONE SHOWING UP AND SHOWING OUT FOR OLA'NETU LSKDNFKLXNGKLADF

that foursome idea is spicyyyyyy omg it is literally insane. like goddamn i love it but foursomes are definitely a painnn to write, i feel like my skills end at threesomes 😭

i do love the idea of jake and neytiri wrecking reader together 🤔 or, alternatively, neytiri and reader wrecking jake together because that man is such a smartass, i just know he'd push his luck beyond recovery

[marinerainbow]

//Crying at "between the man who writes his checks and the woman who lets him touch her boobs his hands are tied" 😆

Does she...have...? Idk how anthro toon relationship dynamics work in this world, the more I think about it the stranger it becomes 😂

Shiny has the absaloute leverage over him.

Greasy: No! Olvidalo! I won't do it!

Shiny: Ohhhh baby, pleeease?

Greasy: gulps But Mi Amor, the only thing I have left to lose is my dignity!

Shiny: Then what are you worried about Green Bean? backs him against a wall Come ooon Tiger, I'll let you play later. scratches nails under his chin.

Greasy: cracks ALRIGHT I GIVE IN!

He does whatever embarrassing or stupid thing is asked of him for the mere prospect that she might pepper his face wigt lipstick kisses.

SHINY WOULD ABSOLUTELY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT! She knows Greasy's weakness too well 😅😆😅😆

Hm... Well, the only canon female weasel from the comics does have boobs (I'm sorry I just love that word XD it's just funny to me to say). But Winnie Weasel is also more humanoid than any other weasel in the WFRR universe... Which is a nice way of saying that she looks like a furry joined the animation team and this was his way of coping with his inner turmoil in a society where suxuality was still hush-hush and everything was wrong unless it was hetero-vanilla.

Who would have thought that giving a weasel long limbs and batfish lips would have instantly turned her into a disgrace.

But Shiny, on the other hand, she doesn't have that body type. She's the same height as the Toon Patrol, and posses the iconic short legs long body look they have too. I'm not quite sure how boobs would look/work on that body type. Maybe Shiny just uses hair conditioner to make her chest fur extra fluffy?? (The book Who Censored Roger Rabbit had Hare Conditioner for rabbit characters. I'm pretty certain Toontown would have a specific bran of conditioner that makes your hair fluffier than normal. But Shiny also has fluffy head fur that she styles like hair too, so that could be a part of it too)

One of the gags I can see Shiny doing is something akin to the 'trenchcoat' gag. Like, maybe the guys have to distract Greasy for some reason, and Shiny knows it (because this is one of her 'arrested by the TP' times and she's under house arrest)

Shiny: *rolls her eyes. Tosses her toast on the plate* You guys are trying way too hard.

Smartass: Oh, and you're one 'ta talk? You haven't done jack!

Shiny: Because I've been waiting for you dummies to stop and realize. But you clearly aren't gonna, so-

Greasy: *storms into the room* ¡Eso es todo! ¡Hijos de puta será mejor que me cuenten qué está pasando ahora!

Shiny: 🙄 *calmly walks right up to her boyfriend* Ey, Devil.

Greasy: Que???

Shiny: *unbuttons and rips open her shirt- conveniently out of sight from the rest of the Toon Patrol and audience*

Greasy: 😳😳😳😳😳

Weasels: !?!?!?

Shiny, cooly rebuttoning her shirt before turning towards the TP: I bought you an hour. Spend it wisely. *walks away*

Greasy, looking like he just saw the gates of Heaven: *chases after Shiny* Mí Vida! Come back! You can't leave me like this!!!

Weasels:

As you can see, for Shiny, this leaves a mystery of what she has under her shirt. Does she have the femine feature that Greasy is so mad about? Or is it just fur and Greasy is just happy to see any woman naked? The world may never know XD

[wolfwafflez]

Hazbin Hotel Just Because Funness: Second Favorite Character ALASTOR 

Favorite thing about them: He’s just…such an asshole. XD I love Alastor to death because he’s a super slick, sarcastic smartass (you like that alliteration?) He’s our very creepy and mischievous bad boy. Even if you’re not into bad boys, you’ll probably think he’s hot anyway cause he’s just that effortlessly good at it. You can’t help but love how he oozes sexuality without even caring about it at all. 

Least favorite thing about them: He doesn’t appear to have ANY weaknesses…at least not concrete ones. Watching him get his ass handed to him by Adam was great for disproving his supposed invincibility, but I want to know what SCARES Alastor. If he experiences insecurity, I would LOVE to see it. I want that perfect, composed facade to SHATTER.

Favorite line (s): “Why I haven’t been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929! Hahahaha…so many orphans…"

“Well I’m starved, who wants some jambalaya?!”

“Why hello there, you wayward sinner! Do you like blood, violence and depravity of a sexual nature? Of course you do, that’s why you’re in Hell!!”

“Yes, I know it’s been a while since someone with style treated Hell to a broadcast. Sinners rejoice!”

“A reminder to all, not to mess with the Radio Demon!!”

“Alastor. Pleasure to be meeting you, quite a pleasure…I’m about to end your fucking life!”

Favorite friendship: He and Niffty are the cutest.

Best ship: Alastor is canonically asexual and aromantic, meaning he has absolutely zero interest in romance or sex of any kind with anyone. That being said, I DO like the idea of him and Vox…not officially, just for fun. XD I love their dynamic, and can definitely see some feelings of that nature on Vox’s side. In terms of actual shipping though, I respect his aroaceness. 

Worst ship: Charlie. Just…ew. No. Doesn’t work even a little bit.

Random headcanon: When Alastor was alive, he no doubt had soooo many women hitting on him/asking him out all the time (since he was handsome, funny, charismatic…the whole package.) I like to think there was at least one woman he decided to give a chance, either out of curiosity or feeling like he should out of obligation (or pressure from his mother), and it went VERY. BADLY. XD Like, I imagine her leaning in to kiss him after the date, or ACTUALLY kissing him, and he just has a full blown breakdown, runs off and never speaks to her again. 

Unpopular opinion: People who say Alastor actually loves/cares about Charlie or any of the hotel crew are…wrong. XD Alastor is evil as shit. He is an extremely manipulative, vindictive psychopath. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He’s at the hotel for his own agenda, not because he actually wants to help anyone. I mean, come on. The guy was a cannibalistic serial killer when alive. Full Hannibal Lecter. And is now an overlord of Hell. What do you expect?

Song I associate with them that’s not on the soundtrack: “Fan Behavior” by Isaac Dunbar.

Favorite picture of them: 

[just-kit-ink]

Alright, you knew it was coming I'm sure XD what are Kitty's opinion on each of the weasels?

//Each of them? Wow 😅 That's a lot!

Okay so Kitty and the weasels do not get off to the best start. Smartass and his boys chase her through an abandoned computer warehouse and finally capture her and take her back to their hideout where they tie her to a beam and interrogate her. She's not a fan of weapons and they're armed to the teeth. Then to add insult to injury they ignore her while playing a poker game. When it turns out they're working with Valiant she's...still not very receptive to them trying to keep it brief and professional. But like Kitty and all toons, she finds herself getting attached. "Sympathy for devils" is what Lt Santino calls it.

Smartass: He and Kitty do not like each other to begin with. Think angry object meets sassy force. They also share a clash in values with Kitty thinking guns and knives are the coward's way instead of good old fashioned fists. Along with quips

"Put the weapons on the table or I won't say a damn thing!"

"You think I was drawn yesterday?"

They do share a common goal of revenge though, Kitty against CB Maroon and Smartass against Judge Doom. Over the course of the case Kitty wonders if weasels really are bad or if they were just drawn that way because humans projected their own fears onto the real animals. He eventually starts trusting her when she saves him from an unfortunate brush with some dip and the paint on his arm gets washed out. She finds the exact paint colour and sets down to work and repaints his cels. He starts loosening up around her and soon she becomes a human he can trust (mostly because he's baffled she sees them as more than weasels, more than henchmen.) He becomes a bit more protective, whether he knows it or not (don't point it out that he cares though you'll get an earful.) He gives her his card and says if she's ever in ToonTown and needs a favour he and his boys will be happy to assist. She kisses him on the cheek platonically and his hat flies off.

Greasy: I think you probably know where this is going. Greasy thinks she's a "cute little thing" and stares at her like he wants to eat her while smoking a cigar (and it does that thing where the smoke forms a heart.) She thinks he's gross and sleazy. He's a shameless flirt with endless ridiculous petnames and who likes to flash his teeth in flirtation/intimidation. Once they're on better speaking terms and she accepts he was drawn in a very different generation he tries to do that thing where you kiss up someone's arm...it's uncomfortable. His flirting with her is tame compared to what he's like around Jessica. If his boss requires something of him he gets extra theatrical because "de girl is watching." Eventually he learns to have somewhat of a respect for her...in the closest way someone like him could give his respect. He even gets a kiss on the forehead from ger as a thank you for helping her. He won't shut up about a human woman kissing him, even if it's innocent.

Wheezy: He's the strong, silent type who Kitty is probably the most intimidated by. He carries a tommy gun and is instructed to use it at a moment's notice. She also coughs a lot around him for obvious reasons. But she sees firsthand he's quite smart and adept with manual work, maintenance, card tricks and even musical instruments. He doesn't really see Kitty as anytging more than a dumb teenager they've got to babysit for hours. Though if she escapes he doesn't want to be the one to say "I lost the kid." Wheezy's respect would come from Kitty's words and actions. She's smarter than he thought and as disgusting as it is, kind. He blows his cigarette smoke in the other direction as their relationship progresses not because he cares or anything just because he feels like it.

Psycho: Like I said on anorher post, Psycho is basically a feral dog who can occasionally speak...if the words were threats of violence. "Snitches get stitches hehehehehe!" He stares at her unblinkingly with those kaleidoscopic eyes with seemingly nothing going on behind them when they first meet. Then when working together he's an endless source of trouble. She has to pull him down from everywhere he is not supposed to go. Everything is a game at someone else's expense. Everything is hilarious to the point of cackling. As they get more comfortable around each other he likes to lie in her lap and goes to sleep.

Stupid: Kitty was the least threatened by Stupid. Despite his giant spiked bat he didn't seem to want to use it or pose much of a threat. He has one thought in his brain at all times. She was at least able to be more comfortable around him first since he's arguably the politest out of the five. He's easy to trick and manipulate but how could she, he's not harming anyone...unless he's asked to. And unless there's pie. Especially if there's pie as a reward! As she speaks to them more and her relationship with the patrol develops he thinks she's great, really nice and funny. She'll talk about something she likes or say a good word where she couldn't think of any before and he's like "Daaaw, I like her, Can we keep her Boss?"

[nysus-temple]

Regarding the greek mythology couples poll you did, may we know why they are your faves?? 👀

OOF all of them have a lot to talk about for me but it's painfully obvious how biased i am towards Odysseus & Penelope. Gotta try to talk about all of them and not stay stucked with those two tho xD

Odysseus & Penelope > LORD. WHERE DO I BEGIN. The Odyssey is my favourite literature work from all time and Odysseus is my favourite hero, so that's something already. The fact that he always found all parts of Penelope to be... Good. Like. You know. He liked the fact that she could mess up with him. I'm never getting over the end of the Odyssey in which she makes him prove it's truly him with the whole bed and tree shenanigan. HOW SHE CRIES AFTER FINDING OUT THAT IT'S TRULY HIM. HOW HE CRIES TOO. The fact that Odysseus had EVERYTHING any mortal could only dream with, he even was told to be turned inmortal by Calypso, he could have abandoned so, so many times... And, yet, he still wanted to go back to her. He STILL justified Calypso why he wanted to. To Circe. TO EVERYONE ELSE. He was willing to keep traveling and suffering just to get back. How even if he was part of the oath he didn't want to go to war because he had Penelope AND a son with her. He DID NOT want to leave all that to her. How he choosed Penelope even when he was supposed to be one of Helen's suitors. Just imagine you're Penelope, and as much as you love you cousin Helen, you're a little... Sad, that you're irrelevant. Not for the suitors, but even for your dad. The fact that Odysseus came up and... Choosed you. You. He literally could have gone for any other woman who could give any kind of fame to Ithaka, just like Helen could. But he still choosed you. For fuck's sake, nowadays romance novels CAN'T write this trope good, but in the myths it was written down perfectly. He loved her for being Penelope. He loved her for being her. He decided to keep hurting himself for her. I just adore how Odysseus... Perhaps found someone he could connect with? Because he liked schemes and she coud trick him, the smartass who screwed up a lot of stuff with schemes, and she tricked him. He maybe felt... Free??? Odysseus was never honest. Never. I'm 100% sure he could be with Penelope. Only her and him knew about the bed and the tree ( well and technically Euriclea, but like, it's not the same with the grandma lmao ). I'M SO SORRY I EXTENDED SO MUCH WITH THEM I SAID I WAS GONNA SUMMARIZE I JUST AAAAAAAAAAA they're madly in love. Move on. I'LL BE MORE QUICK WITH THE REST

Demeter & Poseidon > TRAGEDIES !!! THEY'RE TRAGIC TO ME. We know very little about it, i know, that's what i mean. We will never be able to know what happened between them besides the damn desire excuse. We'll never know if that daughter they had was actually Persephone or not. WE'LL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE SOURCES BECAUSE TIME GETS RID OF THEM... But they'll always be dear to me. Just imagining Poseidon giving little fishy creatures to her, since she's more used to plants than animals, and how she opens up to him like that. Because they're both the middle ones. The ones who don't know where to belong exactly. And how much could have been done with their daughter... If time hadn't taken them from us.

Hector & Andromache > Bro....... The Iliad chapter in which he takes his helmet off in order to not scare their son, that's literally the only chapter in which you forget this work is about war. How he held him. How Andromache begged him to live. How much he was willing to sacrifice for them to live. HOW HE FREAKING DARED TO DIE WHILE SHE WAS WATCHING IN SO MUCH PAIN. HOW MUCH PAIN ANDROMACHE FELT WHEN HIS CORPSE WAS DRAGGED AROUND THE PLACE. HOW NOT EVEN THEIR CHILD GOT THE TIME TO BE FREE. Pain. I love pain.

Aether & Hemera > Primordial favourites !! Hemera feels always left out from her family since her parents are, you know, Night and Darkness repectfully, and her, as her name states, is the Day. She can never spend time next to them since they're opposites besides being family. BUT AETHER CAN. Aether can be with her even when their parents are around since he's more than just light. So they kind of just... Stay together. Without doing anything. Just feeling that the other is there is more than enough.

Menelaus & Helen > EURIPIDES SAID IT'S HELEN WHO CHOOSED MENELAUS INSTEAD OF HER DAD MAKING THE DECISION AND I'LL DIE ON THAT HILL. Them in the Odyssey hit SPECIALLY hard. They seem to be... Happy. Like they always should have been. Because Helen deserves someone who appreciated every part of her, not just because she was the famous most-beautiful-woman-in-Greece. How they were just staring at eachother when Telemachus arrived at Sparta... They are so important in the Odyssey too.

Hyperion & Theia > i might love them for their children more than themselves lmao aNYWAY- i just, like the parents of my favourite celestial trio, okay !! AND THEY'RE TRAGIC TOO. Hyperion sided with Chronus during the war of titans-gods, you know, meanwhile Theia didn't, she stayed outside of it. And by following archeological foundings, perhaps we can guess that she had done that to stop Helios, Selene and Eos from going to Tartarus. But Hyperion insisted in fight, so, you know... TRAGIC. How do the three siblings feel after all of these??? How her mother feels after Hyperion is trapped in Tartarus and they will never see him again AGHHH

Zeus & Hera > They aren't actually at the level of the others tbh, i just felt people weren't giving them enough appreciation. I like them just as much as the rest of the couples i didn't include in the poll, let's just say. They're messy and you all need to learn to live with that !

i talked way more than i should have with Odysseus & Penelope so i went on fast mode with the rest ;v;

[slasherwife]

🐻Oh, I stopped to think, how the Slashers would react to their S / O being a witch who reincarnated (doesn’t remember the past life, except how she died.), She does rituals (using some potions, animal bones and blood itself). to raise and control plants and a power related to his death (possibly fire) and have nightmares about his death that usually have phantom pain and vision (in the midst of flames and smoke for example.) kisses from Brazil 🐻

Slashers react to a witch s/o

How do the slashers react with you doing tarot, moon rituals, playing with energies, making potions and doing spells?

🌹🌛🌕🌜🌹how do they react to you controlling the elements and getting forewarning of his death?

Thomas Hewitt

Thomas is lowkey intrigued?

Doesn’t even know what this stuff is??

He’s pretty much clueless, but that doesn’t mean you can’t teach him

If you tell him you’re a witch I have a feeling he’ll be taken aback

“B-but the Bible says—“

“No no, the Bible was originally Aramaic, Tommy— and ‘witch’ in Aramaic meant poisoner, my love. I never poison anyone.” 💖💕💖💕

That should do it 😊

Anyway he will still be bewildered a lil bit, just peepin around the corner watching you doing a tarot reading like Ow0 wot

Will catch animals for you to use for rituals

Do you need human bones too? Cuz he’s got you covered 😊💕

But hearing of your past life death? Seeing you play with fire and plant energies? How the universe practically bows to you? He sees you completely different.

He was standing on the back porch, watching you walk towards him as the grass waved to you and the trees bent in your favor, and he never wanted to be apart from you 🌹😊

You are a starlit goddess, sent to him by mistake— and he thinks you belong to the stars above or in the clouds~~ anywhere but his dark, sad home 😓💖

If you have nightmares about his death, he will go under your wing —begrudgingly— under your constant protection

He doesn’t believe too much of your visions, but he hates seeing you upset and his dark goddess doesn’t deserve paranoia 🥀😓

Jason Vorhees

Whatever Jason thinks, he at least acknowledges at his zombie phase that he isn’t exactly considered natural either.

Tbh you guys would be a total power couple 🤗🥺💖

He would be probably more understanding of your occupation than Tommy, and would embrace you fully 😊

Like “I knew my y/n was special. I knew it!” 😊💕

He doesn’t like that you use animal bones though. “Why the poor animals y/n?? Use human bones instead— here.”

He thinks you have superpowers hah

He loves when you raise the plants to be alive again— it’s like you keep it spring all year and he loves it 🥺💖💕💖🌷

Will be happy that you have them so you can protect yourself if need be 😊

Once you tell him about your past life death and how you can manipulate elements and that you’re getting forewarnings dreams of his death... he won’t be too worried.

First off, any thought of you dying in general is caused him literal physical pain. So he didn’t like you talking about that 🥺💕

You controlling the elements, Fire? He will follow you anywhere hon’. 7’1 immortal zombie legend murderer and powerful sorcerer/ess/witch? Biggest power couple 💕🙌🙌

And then lastly, the only thing Jason will worry about from your dreams is how you will manage with out him. That’s literally it 😂🥺💕💖

He knows he will come back eventually, you can’t kill Jason forever— he physically can’t stay dead lol

He will sheepishly miss all the crazy sex you guys have been having, but you stop your worrying! Jason’s like “my poor bab don’t be so scared— I’ll always come back!” 💕💕💖💕

Michael Myers

Will 1000% pretend your powers don’t interest him.

But just know that he’s peeking around the corner when you absent mindedly play with the candle’s flame while mixing a clarity potion, literally on his toes 😂💕

He loves to be around you when you’re doing candle work, making a potion, practicing controlling the elements— because you exert this powerful and foreign energy aura that’s comforting to him 😊💖💕🥺

Another slasher that will go on a midnight trip of catching animals for you because “ANYTHING FOR YOU, MY GODDESS— 😫💖💕💖💕”

But you wouldn’t even ask for it, he would see you making spell charms or bags with animal bones in it—

And then next thing you know he drops a sack of birds and a goat next to you and walks away???🤭

Do I know where he got the goat?? No I fucking do not xD but it kinda stank so you had to drag it out the back door and get to work 😣

And then obviously he’ll give you human bones as well lel 💕

He likes hearing of your past life death, he thinks it’s cool lol 😊💖

Getting forewarnings of Michael’s death? K.

He wouldn’t be bothered really, but he obviously doesn’t want to die— he’s too stubborn for that 💕💖

This is the only time he will ever listen to you xD barely

Basically like “too bad—I’m going out tonight. But I’ll ‘be careful’ or whatever the fuck you said.”

Another huge power couple btw 🙌💖💕

Bubba Sawyer

He thinks you’re so cool 🥺

He’ll think your tarot readings are a game and he’ll pick up random ones and look at them

(He likes the pictures) 😖💖

He’ll be so curious, like snooping around when you’re doing a ritual, snuggling up against you when you’re saying an incantation—

He’s like a cat💖💕

Oh you like animal bones? What a surprise! His house is literally full of them. 😶🌷

Ya you have an endless supply of animal bones— you won’t ever run out 😂💖💕

You died in your past life? WHAT? Why? *crying*

He will snuggle you all night when you tell him that 🥺

Also thinks you’re a goddess that was sent to him and can NOT wrap his head around the fact that you two met by chance 🥺💖

Cherishes you every single day and will probably be super clingy because you’re just his strong woman who deserves everything for the queen she is— *INHALE* yeah. 😖😖💕💕💖💖

Wait. What? You dreamt of me dying? What abt you will you be okay my little blueberry muffin??

He won’t careeee but at the same time he wants to stay with youuuuu😖💖💕

Just so he can stay alive to be with you, he’ll do everything you say to stay safe and will follow every protocol much to Chop Tops annoyment. 🤷‍♀️😊💕

“No, sorry—Y/n says I can’t do that.”

I love you two together, it gives me the feels 🥺💕💖

Bo Sinclair

Ooooh niceeee

Lowkey interested but probably won’t show it 😆

Like u do u— don’t know don’t care as long as you keep making me pbjs

Prepare for bewildererd looks when he walks in on your using blood/bones for a particular ritual 😳

Like you’ll just be sitting on your bed with your eyes closed, holding a black candle trying to banish negative energy and he’ll walk in—

“Want me to leave...?”

“Shhhhhhh....”

He’ll probably come home one day with an animal skull or something like, “babe I found this owl beak... you want it?” 😂💖💕

He’ll probably tell Lester to catch something while he’s out and about, and then take it and tell you that he got it for you all by himself😂💕

Lowkey scared of you sometimes

He’s not scared of blood, but like y are u using it..??

Tried not to piss you off too much so you hex him or something xD 💖💕

You: *manipulating fire and wind out back*

Bo, walking in on it: bitch what the fu—

If you tell him you’re getting visions of his death, he’ll probably be super skeptical and give you it a smartass remark— probably ask if you’ve been smoking the mugwort too 😳😶

But if you persist on it— he’ll get frustrated but will listen to you because he doesn’t like seeing u upset 🥺🌷

Brahmsie

Bitch wtf u doin?

So confused— explain now

This little shit will go through all of your stuff and take what he thinks is cool and will probably piss off your deities (if u have deities) 😂

You’ll have to make him apologize and have him give it back~~which I wish you the best of luck w 😂💖💕

You’ll just be minding your own business when Brahmsie is looking at your things—

The he legit looks at you dead in the eyes and takes your dragon figurine and disappears into the walls, much to your panic 😓😶😶

But since you can do all this stuff, now 3x more scared of you even tho you’re a small bean in comparison to him— 😳💕🌷

You threatened to hex him if he didn’t start actin right and he started being nice real quick 😂🙌💕💕

Where did u get that blood? 😶😳

Using animal bones? Use the dead rats y/n! Duh!

Bonus for him if he manages to sack the grocery boy and take his bones too 😶💘

“ANYTHING FOR YOU MY QUEEN!” 🙌😭💖💖

If he finds you controlling the elements and sees u controlling fire.... he leaves immediately dont you know he’s terrified of fire??

Yeah uh he demands in a shaky voice that you stop doing that or else ☹️😶he doesn’t like fire at all

But that’s okay cuz you’re still the fuckin coolest person hes ever been w! 😆💘

Wait wut...? You’re saying I’m gonna die? UWU SAVE ME Y/N I DONT WANNA DIEEE

He will literally get so scared when you tell him you’re getting forewarnings of his death, and will go under your wing definitely the most willingly 😅💓💓

Whatever, more cuddles for him! And some other things 😏

I hope u liked ittt! Sorry I’ve not the time to post ANYTHING lately— it took me 5 days to finish this one because of how busy w school I am— but I hope you like it!! 💖💖

[slashingdisneypasta]

Hi how are you I have an imagine of the toon patrol having a gorgeous but yandere fem s/o which one of them would find her hot or scary

Thats up to you!! This is just what's in my head: I'm not sure any of them would be scared XDD Greasy doesn't care how much crazy is in a pretty woman if she's willing to let him touch her boobs (... Oh I 'have' to come with you and do whatever you say?? Ahaha, lemme just see about that... -oh? I can touch your boobs then?? You should have just lead with that. Lead the way, princessa!~)... , Smartass doesn't Do fear (Just 'cautiousness'. At least, thats what he calls it anyway XD), Psycho is too crazy himself to be scared of her (But he's not phased by her beauty, either. He's wholly unimpressed XD 😅 Hot Yandere Y/N is gonna have her hands full here), Wheezy would be wary but go along with whatever she wanted cuz- you know what? He'll take this as a meal ticket. Cool. Plus this old addict doesn't have the energy to fight off a loon ('nd she's kinda hot, anyway 🤷‍♂️). And Stupid is Dazed cuz she's just so pretty XD Evil??... What?? Nooo... Look at her!

[withthekeyisking-writer]

I love going through your tumblr and seeing what you’re currently working on and what’s on the to-do rare pair list and I just saw that you have Dorian Chase as up next and I am “???” about it but also CURIOUS TO THE MAX. Who is Dorian Chase? If you don’t mind sharing!

Me? Mind sharing about a hyperfixation? Not a chance!

Dorian Chase is the name of one of the people who used the “Vigilante” moniker. He’s also the brother of the original Vigilante, Adrian Chase. But while Adrian was more focused on helping people and saving the world, Dorian is more mission-focused and certainly doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty, or taking lives.

He has relevance to Dick because he appears in issues 133-137 of Nightwing (1996). This is, actually, the plotline where we learn about Dick’s history with Liu, as well, for those familiar with that.

Dick and Dorian are at odds from the beginning. Dick is currently getting close to Liu, the woman who manipulated him when he was younger and took his virginity and Vigilante is going after Liu and Liu’s partner Eddie. Dick’s association with Liu makes him a target.

They, of course, fight

Vigilante is highly competent, and shows he doesn’t give a shit about endangering civilians when he causes a car accident to escape from their fight (Dick having to stop and save the people).

After Dick goes out to dinner with Liu and Eddie (like a sentimental idiot), Vigilante decides it’s time he got some answers about Dick’s involvement right from the source...and ambushes him in his apartment.

We then get what brought yours truly to shipping the pair of them! Vigilante tying Dick to a chair and interrogating him for 52 hours!

I mean, come on. This is just BEGGING for people to ship it. Also for you Jaydick folks out there, this dynamic has a lot of the same notes! (As pointed out to me when I screamed about this ship to two Jaydick shippers and they immediately latched on XD)

Dick spends these 52 hours having Not A Great Time, with fun instances of being a smartass such as

Dick eventually breaks out of his bindings, but dehydrated and starved and a little beaten, he’s quickly taken down, which leads to this fun little interaction:

They eventually decide that they’re On The Same Side (at least for now), and go fight some bad guys together! Vigilante even saves Dick at one point, and Dick gets to pay him back for the whole tying-him-to-a-chair thing:

So they go after Liu and Eddie, and Liu ends up in the hospital (the injury Vigilante’s doing, the fact that she lives then due to Dick) and Eddie escapes.

Issue 137 ends with Dick and Vigilante having a long conversation about how Dick got wrapped up in this and why Vigilante does what he does (all without actually giving away his identity). They then have this moment:

The story for Dick and Vigiante ends here (...for the most part XD), but Dorian goes on to get his own mini-series (named “Vigilante”) and makes a few other small appearances here and there.

So there ya go! Why I have Dorian Chase on my rare pair list XD

[merakiaes]

Best Friends Headcannon - Geralt Of Rivia

Pairing: Geralt of Rivia x reader (platonic)

Requested: By @by-the-primes​

Prompts: None. 

Warnings/notes: This is my first time ever writing a headcannon and it turned out more of a one-shot hahaha xD I went a bit overboard and I’m not used to this kind of post at all so sorry if it sucks. 

Wordcount: 3430

Summary: Headcannons of being best friends with Geralt. 

You had first met Geralt of Rivia when you were merely twenty-four years of age. 

Seeing as you were human and didn’t age the same way he did, you were quite a bit younger, even though he didn’t look to be a year older than thirty. 

You were of noble blood and with your parents’ consent, you had headed out into the world to “find yourself”, but in reality, you just didn’t want to be stuck at home in tight, frilly dresses listening to your mother go on about potential suitors all day, every day.

So with only a bag containing some clothes, gold and other things needed to survive, you headed out on your own. 

Having been locked up pretty much your entire life had made you quite the bratty smartass. You didn’t have a filter and rarely knew when to stop talking back to people, which was the first thing Geralt got to learn about you upon first meeting you.  

Long story short, he had to save your ass in a tavern when you had picked a fight with the wrong person, severely having underestimated the amount of backup your new enemy had. 

At this point, you had only been on your own for approximately a week and still had plenty of gold left, and offered to pay for his dinner and room as a thank you. 

He accepted, but stared at you weirdly the entire time, sitting quietly until you told him to get on with it and speak his mind.

“Do you not know who I am?” “White hair, amber eyes, Witcher pendant hanging around your inhumanly muscular neck, yeah I think I have an idea. I just don’t care. Heroes and villains, we're all somewhere in between.”

You parted ways the same night as he stayed behind to care for a monster-problem, and you headed on to the next town. 

It was already the next day that you met again. 

He had come to the town you had landed yourself in and left into town for some business, and come back to the stables to find you petting and talking to Roach, feeding him apples from your bag. 

“Hm, you again.”  “Nice to see you, too, Witcher.”

You traveled to your next destination together, and Geralt quickly realized that you were in no way a noble lady, despite being raised so. 

You were a big eater and completely terrible at singing. Your personality was gruff and grumpy, but at the same time, you never seemed to drop the sarcasm. Your humour was crude, your language vulgar, and your temper was a ticking bomb. 

The latter forced Geralt to have to step in and prevent you from digging your own grave on more than one occasion. 

“Be nice.” “I am.” “You threatened them with a knife.” “But did I stab them?”

He acted out of logic, and you acted out of your emotions. 

“Learn how to sit back and observe. Not everything needs a reaction.” “That’s easy for someone who is incapable of feeling to say.”

You set camp together later that night, Geralt leaving you in charge of the campsite while he planned to go fetch some firewood.

“What if something creeps up on me?” “Trust your gut.” “I have anxiety. My gut is always telling me to abort mission.” “How have you survived on your own so far?” “Well, I’ve only been on my own for a week as of yet.” “Hm.”

You would think he would be the one snoring but he laid as quiet as a mouse throughout the night. 

Instead, you turned out to be the one with the sinus problem, your snoring keeping him awake and leaving him aggravated to the point where he wanted to smother himself with a pillow the next morning. 

“Good morning, sunshine.” “No.” “I believe the proper response is good morning.” “No.” “Yes, but-“ “No.”

You went on with your morning, and he handed you the map to which you were quick to shake your head. 

“No, no, no. You do not want me navigating. I’ll accidentally navigate us off a cliff.” “Then we die. Now shut up and turn the map in the right direction.” “Alright, alright, I got it. I know where we’re going.”

Fast forward an hour and you’re standing at the edge of a mountain, looking out over the landscape of a town you had never before seen or intended to go to.

“I thought you said you knew where you were going.” “Yeah, I lied. But in my defense, I did tell you not to put me in charge of navigating.” “That you did.”

You were forced to turn around and go back to camp, and start the journey all over again. 

But you didn’t reach it, instead being captured by a couple of elves along the way. 

Despite barely knowing you, Geralt was instantly protective of you. 

“I’m trying my best to be polite but if you move that knife a centimeter closer to her I will tear you apart.”

Unbeknownst to him, as he was taking punches behind you and trying to talk himself out of your difficult situation, you were taking your flexible wrists to advantage, being able to snap them on command, allowing you to get out of cuffs. 

To say that he was terrified when he caught sight of your limp, deformed hands was an understatement. Luckily, however, it was enough to stun your captors and allow Geralt to knock them out. 

You found Roach right where you had left him before you had been taken, and continued heading to your original destination. 

After making it to the right town this time, you parted ways, but once again destiny brought you together the next morning and from then on you just kinda stuck together. 

Being a Witcher was work enough, but now he also had to take on the responsibility of keeping you safe. Something that proved very hard when he was the one wanting to kill you most of the times. 

You just never shut up, it was infuriating. 

But it did work in his favor sometimes, too. More often than not, you would do all the talking for him whenever he was approached about a monster-problem so that he wouldn’t have to. 

In most cases your vocabulary was cut down to “piss off”, “we don’t care” or “leave”, but on the rare occasion, you would switch it up with a “come to mama” if they flashed a bag of cold in front of your eyes, followed by a shameless order in the likes of “Geralt, go do your thing.” 

When he would only stare at you in annoyance for selling him off, usually in the middle of his meals as most people approached you in the taverns you stayed at, you would only add “please” because you knew it would vex him further. 

But still, he would get up with a gruff rumble of his chest and stomp off to do his job.

You frequently started calling him Sunshine, the irony of it just being so good. 

He found the nickname irritating. As he did almost everything else you did. 

You were a very restless person, almost always tapping your foot or bouncing your leg whenever you sat down. 

“Stop that.” “The fact that you’re telling me to stop makes it so much more enjoyable.”

It got so annoying after a while he had to start putting his feet on top of yours underneath the table whenever you sat down in a tavern, or else he wouldn’t be able to eat in peace. 

It became a tradition for you that he ordered chicken and you ordered pork whenever you would stop to eat, and then you would give each other half of your food so that you each got a little bit of both. 

Much to his dismay, you also always switched his ale out for water if it was still light out, telling him it was unacceptable to start drinking before dark. 

How you always managed to succeed with it he didn’t know, because his eyes would purposely follow the tavern worker the entire way from your table to the bar to see to it that nothing happened on the journey. 

And still, he always received a boring mug of water. 

Before he met you he could travel for days, only sleeping in the woods. 

But you had a bad immune system, so now that you were moving together you could never move for too long at a time if the weather got bad. You needed to sleep under a proper roof in rain and storms to avoid you getting sick. 

After a while, the clothes you had brought with you from home weren’t usable anymore and had to be replaced. 

The only thing left from your original pack now was the blanket you had slept with every night for your entire life and four heavy books that you read over and over again. 

When in danger and having to get away quickly, Geralt had insisted countless of times just to leave it behind, to which you had insisted to go get it even if it meant putting your life in danger. 

After a while, he just got used to it and picked up the habit of reminding you of your bag every time you were starting to move somewhere else. 

When traveling, you would force him to stop by a lake or stream once every day to let you clean up. 

You might have left the safety of your home to travel the world but you still wanted to look decent. You had grown up noble, looking your best every day. 

You hated being filthy. 

And you hated messes, too. 

You might have constantly been on the move, not staying in one place for too long, but because of the way you were brought up you still despised messes. 

You usually stayed in the same room whenever you would seek refuge in a town for the night, and always scolded him and forced him to clean up his shit if he threw it on the floor. 

When you got the time to stay a bit longer and didn’t have any danger hot on your trails, however, you took separate rooms so that he could occupy himself with a no-strings-attached shag. 

Every morning after, you would casually burst into his room and wake him up, not caring in the slightest that he was naked with a woman, sometimes several, in bed. 

“Suit up, whore. We’re leaving,” You would say, to which the whores would always gasp and exclaim something along the lines of: “I beg your pardon?” while trying to cover up their bare chests, and failing miserably. 

Geralt would only grumble, wave them off and push himself up in bed. 

“She’s talking to me.”

You constantly insulted each other and talked shit about the other behind their back. 

“Maybe if you weren’t such a troublesome fobbing, clay-brained hugger-mugger, we could get some things done.”

But the insults didn’t stop with him.

“No one asked for your opinion you abominable shit gobbling.”

“Get out of my way you sorry excuse for a mammering, tickle-brained lewdster.”

“I fail to understand how you’ve become such a reprehensible fuck waffle.”

Those were only few of many insults you threw around at strangers every day, and although Geralt was amused by your big, unladylike mouth, it was worrying. 

“You’re one insult away from starting a war.” “How fun.” “You say that now, but you can barely even hold your own in a weaponless brawl.” “Can too!”

But you couldn’t. So he taught you how to wield a sword.

Already during your first sparring session, he accidentally stabbed you in the side, and your automatic response to feeling the steel bury itself into your flesh was a mere “rude” before passing out on the spot form the pain. 

But after that, you caught on quickly. And you started growing up quicker, too, taking after him and his antics. 

Soon enough, you had gone from mocking his constant humming and grumbling, to humming in sync with him. 

You always helped each other with tasks if needed, whether it be saddling Roach, setting up camp or gathering your stuff around the tavern rooms you would stay in every once in a while. 

You just worked well together, and didn’t need words to do so. 

You grew out of your overly spastic nature, but you still lacked a filter every time you opened your mouth so even years after first meeting, you would get into trouble. 

And if someone chose to fight one of you, they chose to fight both of you. 

Geralt always tried to avoid conflict and battle, but if someone as much as looked at you the wrong way, they better run. 

He was obviously the more rational one, trying to keep you out of trouble, to which you always seem to have a talent of stirring shit up even more.

“I had a thought…” “No. Don’t make that face.”

But he always came along anyway, and it most often ended up with a stab wound or two because you talked back to the wrong person. 

And you never got away without a scolding. 

“Get off the horse so I can explain in painstaking detail how much of a dumbass you are.” “Do I have a choice?” “No.”

There was no shame or shyness between you. 

You did things in the other’s presence that might have been considered romantic or intimate in the eyes of a spectator, but it was completely platonic. 

When the time was scarce, you sometimes had to bathe together, back to back, to get it done as quick as possible. 

You would shave his face and he would wordlessly put your hair up whenever he noticed it annoying you. 

The habit had started when you had injured your arm and was unable to do so yourself and just stuck with him after that. 

He couldn’t braid for shit, but he did do a decent bun. 

You always tied your laces too loosely, so he often had to redo them to prevent you from tripping over your feet. 

You would wear his shirts whenever you waited for yours to dry after a wash. 

You would fall asleep with your head on his shoulder. 

You would share beds and food. Rub each other’s shoulders to rid of the soreness after a beating or a fight. 

You made fun of each other always, and you found it particularly fun whenever he lost or took major damage in battle. 

“Nice blackeye, Sunshine.” “Shut your mouth.”

But still, you would always be there in his time of need to patch him up, and try to talk him into being more careful - exactly like he had been forced to do your reckless ass all those years ago. 

“Look, I’m glad you’ve saved everyone and all that but it’s time someone told you to take care of you.” “I’m fine. “No, you’re not, and furthermore, if you don’t take care of yourself, think of all the people who need you in the future who won't have you. Think of Ciri.”

It was funny, how you had been the one to be driven by emotions to a start, unable to control your anger and putting yourself in harm’s way, and now it was usually the other way around. 

You took care of him when it came to patching him up, and he took care of you in every other way. 

“Why aren’t you eating?” “Take my cloak.” “I’ll get the firewood, sit down.” “You can have my half.” “Watch your step.”

Those were only a few of the ways he told you he cared for you, along with “I hate you.”

“I hate you” became your way to say “I love you”, and you said it several times throughout the day. 

Even this long into your friendship, and countless of poems and songs later, people still got shocked when seeing you walk side by side down the streets. 

Geralt was powerful, had a serious face. You did not want to get on his bad side, let’s just leave it there.

But you. You were cute, had a kind face and a contagious laugh. You were kind, despite your big mouth and usually vulgar attitude. 

Still, he always warned people to never hurt you or else, but everyone always assumes he said this as a warning of what he would do to them, even though he was, in reality, warning them about you. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” “Why? What’s she gonna do? Woo me to death?” “Underestimate her. That will be fun.” 

Then they would approach you and find out you’re actually badass as shit, getting beaten to a bloody pulp. 

And all Geralt would say as he stepped over their body on the floor was: “I warned you.”

Six years into your friendship, you were a lot more mature than you had been at twenty-four, now thirty. But you were still a little shit, enjoying your companion’s displeasure. 

While Geralt would always open doors for you, you would always purposely slam them shut in his face, just to give him that extra work. 

You would slap him on the chest and say “language” every time he said “fuck” and then proceed to call him a cunt only minutes later.

You were an annoying piece of shit, but he got his revenge every blue moon. 

Men who were attracted to you would usually approach him first and ask for his blessing and advice, knowing you were of noble blood and pretty much impossible to impress. 

He would always play along, urge them on, encouraging them and telling them everything you didn’t like, and then stand by and await the show.

You weren’t dumb, always saw them speaking and always spotted the amused smirk on your partner’s face as he sent the men your way. 

So you followed his example and played along, standing by and listening to their pathetic attempts silently, pretending to be interested. 

Always thinking they had you hooked, they would touch you inappropriately and smirk. 

“Shall we?”

And to this, you would simply smile, before headbutting them to the floor and stepping over them. 

“Not even in your dreams.”

Walking back over to a snickering Geralt, you simply passed him, glaring into empty space. 

“I hate you.” “I know you do.”

One day Geralt left for some monster-killing-business, while you stayed behind in the town you had been in the past few nights with a broken arm. 

It was the first time in years that you split up, but you weren’t very worried. 

More so than anything, you were annoyed, when he came back with a chatterbox bard trailing behind. 

“Where are you from?” “Here and there.” “What do you do?” “This and that.” “You ever…?” “Now and then.” “Boy, you are just full of information, aren’t you?” “Or maybe your questions are just too boring to be worth an answer.” “I have NEVER been so insulted!” “You don’t listen much, do you?”

Finally, after so many years of it being only the two of you, karma had caught up to you. 

You were now forced to experience first hand what it was like being followed by someone who couldn’t stop running their mouth. 

“Come here.” “Why?” “Just come here.” “No, you’re going to hit me.” “She probably will.” “You guys realize how incredibly codependent you are, right?” “I fail to see your point, measel.” “Do you ever run out of insults?” “Only time will tell.” “She’s just a female version of you, isn’t she?” “She used to be a female version of you.” “That’s seriously hard to believe.”

It wasn’t long after that that you met Yennefer of Vengerberg. 

You didn’t like her, at all. But you learned to tolerate her for the sake of Geralt, trusting his judgment. 

But that didn’t stop you from keeping a watchful eye on her. 

Jaskier teased you endlessly for it, claiming you were jealous and in love with him, yourself. But it was nothing like that. 

You didn’t want romance. You wanted meaning and purpose and adventure and you found it all in him – a soulmate in the form of a best friend. 

Legends and rumors claimed Witchers weren’t capable of feeling human emotions but after being on the move with him for so long, you knew there was absolutely no truth to those claims. 

And if she hurt him, you would kill her yourself.

[emositecc]

I’m not sure if I’m the first to say this but, THE DEVIL HAS A MOM?!? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?

Remember this bit from Chapter 1?

Hehehhe :) Yes. Yes he does. We found a way to include her in the story because.... Lucy is just great.

Btw, she belongs to @sm-baby. We can't wait to share her scenes with you, Lucy is a smartass woman xD

Here. More Lucy. :)

https://sm-baby.tumblr.com/post/624316207723692032/distant-laughter

[cantdwellonanyofit]

Sledgefu Fic Dedicated to @stolperzunge

Hello @stolperzunge!! I decided to finally make an account. I’m the anon that has been messaging you Sledgefu asks for a couple of days XD 

I finally wrote a fic, and wanted to share it with you. Let me know what you think! It’s based on all of the meta we have been talking about recently.

Please note the warnings in the tags. There’s some mention of suicidal thoughts, dissociation, internalized homophobia, and descriptions of gore related to the war. This was meant to be a oneshot and has turned into a multi-chapter fic already. :| Creative criticism is requested and would be appreciated.

Rating: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh R? For now?

He couldn't sleep. If it wasn't the nightmares, it was the intrusive thoughts. The thoughts were always gently sliding their hands around his throat like an enemy sneaking up on him in the dark. Trying to snuff him out before his comrades could hear. The dreams were worse. They waited until he was lulled into a false sense of calm, warm, security. Finally too tired to fight them off. Blackness opened up to screaming women holding babies. Blood rained from the ceiling of a hut while a woman reached her hands towards him. She begged in a language he couldn't understand. But blind panic was the same in every language. He could see it in her eyes, and he couldn't wipe it out. He couldn't stand to put either of them out of their misery. So he planted his feet and watched until the hut crushed her in front of him. Paralyzed by his fear and angry at his weakness. He would jolt awake, and every morning the anger and shame followed him into waking life.

He used to be a morning person before the war. He'd wake up before sunrise with a cup of coffee. He'd take Deacon on his morning walk. He enjoyed the solitude of morning, and watching the world wake up around him. It was like he and the world slept and woke together in the same rhythm. Everything felt aligned. But now the silence was like screaming. His mind would race while he tried to deal with the onslaught of thoughts and dream laden memories. He began to confuse what he really witnessed in the war with what he dreamt. But he didn't much think it mattered. The feelings that overwhelmed him were the same. He hated himself. He hated what he had brought on himself. He resented his mother for not understanding. He was angry at his father for being forgiving. Didn't his father know what he had done? Who he had become? He crawled in his own skin every waking moment.

He didn't go to Sid with his problems. Sid was busy creating his life with Mary. Gene couldn't bear to burden Sid with his troubles when Sid was just trying to forget and move on. He knew Sid also had trouble with sleep. But unlike Gene, Sid tried not to torture himself about the things he saw and did in the war. 

"You can't dwell on it. You can't dwell on any of it.” Ack Ack had said. And it seemed like everyone but Gene was able to abide by that law. The only person in the world who seemed able to pull Gene out of his moods had abandoned him. When Gene woke up on the train to a gentle shove, he expected Snafu's big blue eyes to be staring a hole in him. Like they always did. But instead, he realized another soldier had nudged him awake to ask if he was meant to be disembarking the train. They had arrived in Alabama. Gene looked around confused for a moment before the soldier repeated himself. But Gene wasn't listening. Where had Snafu gone? He couldn't have left without waking him. It wasn't possible.

But it had been possible, and now here he was. Alone. Like he deserved to be. God was punishing him, and Gene couldn't blame him. He'd killed countless people. And by the end of the war, he didn't much care about the damage he caused. He wanted to kill every Jap left with his bare hands. He wanted to make them feel as helpless as he did. He often thought back to his conversation with Leckie. 

"God created Japs too, right? Yellow slants who've tried to kill me on many occasions. Japs come from the garden of Eden too?" 

God had sent Gene on a mission to kill Japs for what they had done. But he also sent the Japs to bomb Pearl Harbor in the first place. And Gene no longer had any idea what God wanted from either side. Were they all meant to die? Had he survived by accident when God had deemed him disposable? And now God cursed him with these thoughts and dreams. To haunt him for daring to make it out. Maybe they had all been too dirty for God's love in the first place. He knew he'd never again feel the safety of that embrace. He tucked his bible away under his bed months ago after unpacking his suitcase. He couldn't bear to open it. He worried it would burn his hands if he even tried. He was no longer welcome in God's plans. He just knew it.

So, with no faith, no plans, no life, he withered away. He spent hours staring at the walls, off into the distance as he sat outside. And he tortured himself with his thoughts and his lack of purpose. He had no idea what he was going to do with the rest of his life. He wondered if God meant for him to commit suicide. If he had somehow messed up God's plan for him to die. If someone else had died in his place. If he no longer had God's love, then killing himself wouldn't matter. But he lacked any motivation to go through with it. It was as if he was meant to remain stuck between life and death. A ghost among the living. 

He knew God had more than one reason to reject him. Not only had he lived when he was meant to die, but he had been born homosexual. He was doomed from birth. He knew something was wrong when he was 6 years old and Betty Cannon had kissed him on the cheek, and he had cried. Sid would nudge him and point out the pretty girls at school, and Gene couldn't have cared less about them. He'd tease Sid for being a pervert and they'd laugh. His sinful nature was further solidified when he gazed at the nurse on Pavuvu. He demanded himself to feel something for her. She was beautiful. She had a kind voice. His mind recoiled as he tried to imagine kissing her, sliding off her clean hospital whites. He felt repulsed. "Alright, you had your looksey," the lieutenant had jeered. If Gene could've glared a hole through that lieutenants body he would've.

If he could've grabbed that asshole by the head and slammed it repeatedly into every damn cup on the table he would've. ‘I feel nothing, I see nothing, I am nothing,’ he would've screamed at him. Can't you see it written all over me? I'm a sinner, you fool. He couldn't ignore the fire in the pit of his stomach every time Snafu leaned against him. Played along with his jokes. Watched him. Snafu always watched his every move. And it drove Gene crazy. Gene thought about what Snafu's curls would feel like in his fingers. What his sweat would taste like as Gene ran his tongue along Snafu's neck. Along that fucking smirk. He went mad with lust thinking of all the things Snafu could do to him. So when he gazed at that fuckin' nurse and felt nothing another piece of him snapped off and was taken by the ocean. He was ruined, and God knew it.

All through his thoughts Gene found himself biking. As he came to, he realized he was approaching Sid's house. It had to be no later than 0500. He hesitated at the start of the driveway. This was crazy. He couldn't bother Sid. But then he felt his right foot swing over the left side of his bike to land beside his left foot on the ground. He began steering and walking towards the front door. He was like a man possessed. Before he could stop himself, he knocked three times in succession. He waited. What the hell are you doing? His mind screamed at him. He was about to knock again when the door slowly opened. Sid was holding his rifle, but quickly lowered the butt of it to the ground when he realized who was at the door.

"Eugene, you scared the daylights out of me. I heard the bike coming along the drive and just about jumped in the bushes to scout." Sid was laughing, but Gene was not. Sid's smile slowly faded. "Get in here," Sid made to grab for Gene's arm but Gene blurted out, "Can you take me to the train station?" Sid's brows came together in confusion. Or maybe it was concern. Sid's hand halted in the air, "You need me to do what now?" Sid's hand landed gently on Gene's bicep. He tugged him gently through the doorway and into the kitchen. "Have a seat." Sid moved to the stove and grabbed the kettle. "We can have coffee and talk it."

Gene was already shaking his head. "I don't need to talk about it. I need you to do this for me. I don't have a car and it'll take me days to bike there." Sid was pouring coffee anyway. "What are you going to do at the train station?" Sid asked.

"Ride the train." Gene answered, curtly. Sid laughed, and set the cup beside Gene. Sid added hot water to his own cup which had likely gotten cold while Sid had watched a stranger approaching his home from the window. Gene could tell the curtain was off-kilter, as if someone had pulled it aside in an attempt to spy without being seen. Gene felt guilty for worrying Sid. He'd have felt guiltier if he woke Sid up, but it seemed Sid had no better luck sleeping than Gene did. "Ride the train where, you smartass." Gene debated whether he should be honest about his intentions. He trusted Sid. He and Sid had been friends since Gene could remember. Sid had always been on Gene's side. But this would be asking something else entirely of Sid. It would be asking Sid to see him for all of his sins, and accept him anyway. If God couldn't manage, he doubted Sid could. "Louisiana." Gene answered. He provided no context. He planned to provide no further geographical context. Sid didn't know about Snafu. He wouldn't even have guessed what Gene's plans were even if Gene told him he was going to New Orleans. But this secret pounded loud in his ears. Matching the beat of his heart. He felt like he was shouting the word Louisiana so he could be heard over the thumping of his heart. He was laid bare in front of God and his best friend. And he planned to deceive both of them. He really was beyond saving.

"Louisiana?" Sid answered. "What's in Louisiana that has you sneaking up to my front door and demanding I drive you down to the station this instant? Did you meet someone you haven't told me about?" Sid's eyes were mischievous. They were full of hope. Hope that Gene had something or someone out there to look forward to. Would they be so full of hope if Sid knew it was a man that Gene ached for? "You could say that," Gene found himself replying. He was skirting the truth. He was living in half truths and short responses. He was a man to be hanged but he kept outrunning the law. "You sly dog!" Sid slapped his knee and scooted his chair back so fast it made an awful screech. There was a thump from where Gene assumed was the bedroom, when Mary emerged from the doorway in her silken robe. Gene would've blushed had he been his old self. Had he been anyone at all anymore.

"What in the Lord's good name is going on out here?" She didn't seem to be mad, but rather playing at it. "Eugene Sledge, is that you causing trouble in my house?" Gene caused trouble everywhere. That's what the devil did when he got inside your soul. He made you destroy yourself and those around you. His lips lifted in one corner in a true Snafu impression. "Sorry, ma'am. I didn't mean to cause such a disturbance." He stood and bowed gently to her. "Sid and I were just about to head out to the train station." Gene looked down at his untouched coffee and thought to hand it to Mary. She might as well enjoy it before it gets cold. Sid stood up and grabbed his coat. It seemed letting Sid believe this was for a woman had propelled him into action. "I won't be long," he kissed Mary on the cheek. Sid grabbed his keys from the same hook his jacket had been on. "Well, come on now lover boy we best be gettin' on." Gene couldn't move fast enough to get out of his seat. He needed to keep moving before his mind came to. Before he hopped on his bike and rode all the way back home and never came back out again. This was his only chance to act. "Lover boy?" Mary smiled, "Gene, that's wonderful. I wish you the best." Gene cringed inwardly. "Thanks." He mumbled. It was a benefit to him that everyone thought him shy. His guilt could easily be mistaken for sheepishness.

He nearly squeezed himself through the front door at the same time as Sid. He took long strides to the car, and grabbed the handle before Sid had even reached the car to unlock it. "Alright, alright, I'm comin'!" Sid had picked up the pace to unlock the door and climb in. He leaned to the right and opened Gene's door for him. Gene immediately flung himself into the seat and fastened his seatbelt before he could run away. Strapped himself in good. "I'll take your bike home later for you." Gene nearly threw up. He hadn't even told his parents he was going on a walk. And now he was planning to leave the state entirely. His mother would call the police. "Shit, Sid. I forgot to tell them I was leaving. I didn't even leave a note." Gene began attempting to unbuckle himself. He needed to get home. If the police came for him and found him with Snafu they'd be arrested. They'd be blue discharged. He didn't know which one was worse. Sid stopped his hand, "I'll tell 'em when I drop your bike off. Don't worry about it. I'll be home and back to your place before they even realize you're gone."

Gene steadied his hand under the pressure of Sid's. Sid would probably never touch his hand again if he knew. He'd never jokingly wrestle with him. He'd be too afraid he'd catch what Gene had. That Gene would be attracted to him. That Gene would ruin everything like he always did. This was just another secret he would have to take to God before he was banished to hell. Why couldn't he get the devil out of him? But despite his inner chastising, Gene let his body rest in his seat. Sinking into the leather and willing himself to calm down. No one knew. No one would know. Sid would take care of him like he always did. Sid, who trusted him, while Gene wore a liar's face. Gene had no idea if Snafu was even still in New Orleans. Gene had no idea if Snafu even wanted to see him. Snafu had left him on the train after all. Gene had probably read into ever stare, every gentle touch, every time Snafu seemed to cut in the shower line until suddenly Gene and Snafu were undressed and standing close. Every time they searched desperately for each other on the battlefield, or in the line of fire, until they knew the other was still breathing. Both sneaking glances, but doing well to hide it. He had imagined all of it in his sick homosexual mind.

"You alright?" Sid asked, glancing sideways at Gene. Unbeknownst to Gene, he had been wearing a pained expression and holding his breath. "I'm sure she'll be delighted to see you. You don't need to be so nervous." Gene almost laughed. Sid had no idea what he was saying. He had no idea at all. "I'm just tired. I haven't slept well in ages." Gene responded, changing the subject. He couldn't stand telling Sid anymore lies than he had to. And there was no way to explain the worry without explaining the truth. "Yeah, I hear you there. Some nights I get a couple hours. Some nights it feels I get a solid couple minutes. Mary's understanding about it." Gene's mind wandered to whether he and Snafu would keep each other up at night with their nightmares. With their stirring. Maybe they'd both stay up together knowing what it was like in each other's brains. Maybe they'd get real good at distracting each other instead. Gene would give anything to let Snafu use him as a distraction. Gene could wrap his legs around Snafu. He could let Snafu move inside of him until they both forgot about everything but each other.

"I'm happy you two have each other," Gene shouted over his thoughts. Sid laughed at him. "Well, I'm overjoyed you want the whole world to know how happy you are for us, Eugene." He was ripping apart at the seams and it was only a matter of time before he lost the ability to pull himself to reality. He had to get away from Sid. From this town. From these burdens. Luckily, the rest of the drive remained uneventful as Sid let Gene get lost in his thoughts, and Gene willed his thoughts to stay in his head. He worried every thought was writing itself out on his face. On every inch of exposed skin. And when he stepped out of the car to say goodbye to Sid, the truth would be there staring back at him. And Sid would stare on, horrified. Until he called out for the police, and Gene was taken away. All his rights stripped, as if he had never existed at all. Just as God had intended.

They pulled into the station, when Sid slammed on the breaks and the car jolted. "Eugene, you don't have any bags with you! How did I not notice? What the hell are you going to do? You can't show up to your lady looking like that." Gene's head snapped to look at Sid. "How dare you? I've never looked so good?" He left his mouth slightly agape in mock horror at what Sid had insinuated. Sid laughed in return. "You haven't shaved, and I think you slept in those clothes." Gene hadn't even thought about clothes. About belongings. He guessed he'd have to start over when he got to Louisiana. "I bet they dress differently down there anyway. I'll consult the best shopkeepers around when I arrive." Gene wanted to get on that train before he changed his mind. If they left to go to his house to grab clothes he'd never come back.

"Do you even have any money?" Gene could've kicked himself. He really brought nothing. He wouldn't even be able to leave if he wanted to. Sid leaned slightly and dug in his coat pocket until he pulled out a wad of bills with a rubber band around them. Sid had a lot of distrust for banks, and often kept cash on him or hidden in his home. "No," Gene was already protesting. He would go home. He would forget this foolishness. "Yes, take it." Sid was pushing the money into Gene's coat pocket. "Absolutely not, stop it. I won't take money from yo-" Sid unfastened Gene's seatbelt and then pushed open his own car door and stepped out. "Sid!" Gene threw his door open and their eyes met over the roof of the car. "I can't take this." Gene couldn't lie to his friend and then rob him of his money too. "Eugene. If you don't take the money and get the hell out of this town I will take it personally. You can't stay here and keep doing this. Look at you. This is your chance to start over. Don't you want that? I'd do anything to get you back. This is the least I can do for you. Now get your ass up to that counter, get your tickets, and get out of my hair before I drag your scrawny ass up there and embarrass you in front of all of these decent folk."

"Sid--"

"I mean it!" Gene snapped his mouth shut. "I won't take no for an answer. Now get."

Gene came around to Sid's side of the car. "I'll never be able to repay you." Sid wrapped an arm around him in a gentle hug. This may be the last time Sid would ever touch him without disgust. Without questioning what dirty thoughts Gene took away from these interactions. Gene loved Sid, but never in that way. He was his brother. But Sid would never understand that distinction. Sid would be horrified by every time Gene had ever touched him. Gene hugged Sid, hard. He loved him like family. The thought of losing Sid crushed him. He tried to pour every ounce of his love into Sid with one hug. 'Please,' he mentally begged, 'Please know that I'll never be able to repay you for all the love you've given me. I've lied to you. I've deceived you. You're pure, and I'm rotten, and I deserve none of this.' Sid hugged him back with a similar strength before pushing Gene gently to arms length and putting a hand on each bicep. "You write to me, Eugene. You tell me everything." Gene nearly crumbled under the weight of his lies. He'd never be able to tell Sid everything. Even if he died to.

"I will," he lied. He was becoming a pro at this.

Sid stepped to the left and turned around to rest against the drivers side of the car. Giving Gene the room to leave and head towards the counter. Gene took the opportunity before he could stop himself. He approached the long line to wait for his turn. He stole a glance at Sid who waved goodbye at him, and got in the drivers seat. Sid must've wanted to keep his promise to return to his house for Gene's bike, and notify Gene's parents before they worried. Gene again mentally thanked Sid for every single thing he ever did for him, and moved one step closer towards his future.