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lisa972kdlz · 11 months ago

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(It's translated from French, I hope there aren't too many syntax errors ^^" In any case, enjoy your reading !)

Dreamtale Theories:

Here's a list of a few theories about the Dreamtale Lore, this story leaving some very interesting gaps to try and fill. Philosophical and scientific thoughts helpt me to concretise these ideas, but although I've been inspired by them, it's not with these points of view I'm going to develop, but rather a purely artistic point of view. Little by little, philosophy and science have been lost in my ramblings, giving way to imaginations that seemed to fit together. Artists imagine. They cheat, they lie, they don't care much for concrete realities. In the end, the only science I get into position on is the elements of the Dreamtale canon, at least those I've managed to pick out. Perhaps I've missed some information that would disprove these hypotheses, in which case it would be courteous of you to let me know.

On a more chill note, say I'm just a teenager with a overflowing mind who loves to come up with crazy theories with whatever I can get my hands on, and I write this mainly for fun ^^

In fact, I don't think for a second I'm right, so I don't know if I can call those theories... Maybe speculation ideas about Dreamtale I wanted to share? Almost headcanons, but still based on concrete elements of the canon.

So let's go, first theory!

☁︎ Canon/Fanon:

For starters, why do I insist so much on canonicity? Because when it comes to Dreamtale, the boundary between Fanon and Canon is not always well understood, given that there are a lot of preconceived ideas on the subject.

The fact is, I see Dreamtale's Fanon and Canon as two completely separate worlds. And yet, understand that I hate adhering to variants of this and that for anything and everything. The idea of viscerally separating the Canon and Fanon sides of an oeuvre makes no sense to me, especially in an open world where each universe is a piece of a larger puzzle, where the world we're presented with is meant to be a huge playground.

And at this stage, if we do that with this universe, we could do the same for all the existing stories, no? Nevertheless, for THIS world and this world in particular, I think it's important.

For there is a crucial difference between C!Dreamtale and F!Dreamtale, a difference that completely alters the interpretation of the oeuvre. Fanon doesn't just make a few interpretative changes... He changes the very nature of a character: Corrupted Nightmare. And that, well... It's a bit complicated not to separate the two, especially when the Fanon version is so popular... Canon, he is dead and his body belongs to another character who has his own personality and background. Fanon, he's alive. Trapped, imprisoned, manipulated, split into two personalities (Night and Mare) or fundamentally evil, depending on the case, but alive.

Night is experiencing a bit of Asriel syndrome: it was because Undertale fans couldn't accept his death that the first AU's were created. And for Dreamtale, there was such misunderstanding about this (Because reading the Prologue, everyone agreed that Corrupted Nightmare was...well... Nightmare), that the majority think this is official. (It has to be said, it wasn't evident let me reassure you...)

To this we can add the fact that most of the time, in very fanon fanfics and fancomics, the other two trees don't exist or are never mentioned, that Corrupted (I refuse to call him "Nightmare" simply because he isn't Nightmare) isn't a real person or doesn't exist at all, that Dreamtale is an AU of Undertale, so made up of codes like the other AU's, but all that still depends on people's interpretation and knowledge of the real Dreamtale.

To put it more bluntly, and if the boundary's still unclear: F!Dreamtale is a part of the Undertale Multiverse, while C!Dreamtale is its own universe.

Since I like both aspects equally, and in order to get everyone on the same page, I've come up with a mini theory:

Dreamtale Fanon, being the Dreamtale developed by fans based on the belief that Corrupted Nightmare is more or less Night, has strayed so far from its original story (it focuses more on the "broken brothers" relationship of the twins, their mutual development and their relationships with the characters of the Undertale fandom), that over time, by putting down roots in the world of Undertale and through the influence of the creators, Dreamtale would have "split." This double would then have merged with the codes of the Undertale Multiverse, because Dreamtale was so well integrated into it that this version of it ended up becoming imprinted on the very core and codes. That's why, in F!Dreamtale, we don't always mention the other trees, since they never joined the Undertale Multiverse. Even we NEVER mention them in Dreamtale's AU's like Swapdream or the alternative Multiverses like Dreamswap, Swapverse, etc. That's why Dream and Nightmare exist in the alternative Multiverses,AU's and not the rest (Vampireverse, Empireverse, Minuscultale and so on).

The result is two Dreamtales:

The Canon Dreamtale, which belongs to Joku,

The Fanon Dreamtale, which belongs to the Fandom Joku too.

Well yeah, it's still Dreamtale, so it still belongs to Joku, no matter what haters want ◖눈ᴥ눈◗

Duh.

Also, this definitely doesn't prevent fanfics from being based on C!Dreamtale, it's even advisable to give it the prominence it deserves. Hence the idea of completely separating these versions, because fans can make fanfics about the Canon, and although it's fanon, it won't be similar to the F!Dreamtale version at all.

Two worlds taking different thematic paths created on the uncertainty of Night's death (like a "Schrodinger's Night" ͡° ͜ · ͡°).

Next theory!

☁︎ Tree of Feelings/Creators link:

This is a question I picked up when wondering about Dream and Corrupted's various attacks. Where Dream needs a body to hold him together, Corrupted has so many black apples that he can physically hold himself together without a body, and more or less correctly. Do positive and negative energies function differently? Is it because Corrupted has more apples that he holds on better? What is positive and negative energy in Dreamtale's Lore?

At the beginning, I'd started from the principle that Energy with a big E, being what makes up absolutely all existing things, humans and monsters alike, could be used by Dream and Corrupted to be converted into either magical energy or physical energy. As Dream only holds one apple and enjoys a body, he'd mindlessly convert his energy into magical energy, which is why he has a soul similar to human's souls and why he's able to heal as green magic does, or cause damage as white magic does. For Corrupted's part, possessing no body of his own and having amassed enough power from his hundreds of apples, he would have to convert negative energy into physical energy. This would require a great deal of power and would therefore explain why, despite he's stronger than Dream, he's not 999X stronger than him. He already uses a lot of his energy simply... Holding on without melting.

I also theorised that if one of them were to acquire all the apples, not only would it have a stable body, but it would also be able to convert this energy as it saw fit. Corrupted could then generate magical attacks AND have a physical body.

The trouble is... Dreamtale isn't actually part of Undertale. So there's no Magic,Physics duality. And even assuming that Dream converts that energy into magical energy because he's unconsciously copying the way his adopted world works, he's still canonically attacking with positive energy and not MAGIC made from positive energy. Energy comes in many forms, but I don't think he can control it in such a pure form...

All this can still hold together, but what bothers me most is that pure Energy would have... A positive side and a negative side? And what's more, related to feelings? Why not, but I'm not really pleased with.

Dream and Corrupted's energy is material, palpable. Of course, we could stop at the fact that it's just a magical energy like we find everywhere in stories and not ask ourselves any more questions.

But I love wracking my brains to find answers to questions that no one wonder, so I'll keep going èwé–

What kind of energy would this refer to? Not energy in the scientific sense, because that's independent of any emotion, whereas in Dreamtale, positive energy, for example, is directly linked to positive feelings.

Because tree of FEELINGS–

The most plausible thing I found with is that positive and negative energies are linked to the spiritual energy: auras, meditation, etc. Proof of its existence is fairly hazy in the world of creators. But in the world of fiction...? What if? This energy of consciousness exists, whether it's real or not. And if it's not in the real world, as long as there are people who believe in it, then it's in the world of fiction. What if the fruits of the tree of feelings were the material manifestation of this spiritual energy produced by the consciousness of the creators? Just as a world is created by a creative mind, what about Dream and Nightmare were the guardians of the feelings of fiction as the direct embodiment of the emotions that creators instil in their work? This could be the reason why Dreamtale isn't made up of codes, because it's the direct embodiment of a philosophy and not just another fictional universe among many.

I can't decide whether it's too obvious or too far-fetched ^^". It was the concept in Underverse that made me think of it... There are references between what Nightmare implies in 0.6 and creators tearing up their own universes because they're filled with negative emotions. Underverse isn't canon, but there's nothing to stop this idea of the creator,feeling link being applied to Dreamtale.

Especially as it allows us to imagine something even bigger that could work in relation to the three trees...

But before that, a little theory about Corrupted, because the more we learn about him, the more this character becomes... Mysterious.

☁︎ Something is rotten in the state of Dreamtale :

Ever since I knew that the three trees were part not of the Undertale Multiverse but of all the other Multiverses, I've been wondering why it should be Corrupted who embodies absolute Evil and not someone else. After all, we know plenty of evil lords, don't we? Isn't it a bit pretentious to claim him to be above everyone else?

But one detail, one nuance, makes all the difference.

By definition, Corrupted does not embody Evil, but negative feelings. He embodies them because he has become their guardian, their bearer. What I'm trying to say is that black apples and evil are not linked... Black apples are not fundamentally evil. They have no conscience; they are neutral, they exist for balance and have a purpose of their own.

No, Corrupted is Evil for another reason. He's Evil because he's simply wicked. If the personification of negative feelings is evil, it's not because the negative emotions or the apples are mean, but because they are themselves corrupted, alienated by a consciousness that manipulates them irresponsibly. Why would the Entity feel hatred? Hatred and not despair or dread? Because he was already filled with hatred, or because he has a fighting personality that allows him to exploit this emotion for its dark projects. Is it a sign that Corrupted isn't worthy of being their carrier? After all, he's not their basic guardian; it was Nim, then Nightmare.

In this way, that doesn't prevent him from being THE allegory on the scale of all dimensions (or of a large area of dimensions, if you don't like the idea that Dreamtale is linked to all fictional universes) , because the role relating to negative FEELINGS in a neutral behaviour is rather original. He's an allegory of negative feelings that doesn't need to be, and that gives a false image of what negative feelings actually are; the pejorative and common image we have of them. In reality, negative feelings are neither good nor bad; they mean no harm to others. The one who wishes them harm is the Entity, Corrupted.

He's a simple villain who has got his hands on power that doesn't belong to him and is out of control with.

...

Maybe not a 'simple' villain either?

Because, another theory, I think that Corrupted is this fourth guardian that Joku mentioned. Firstly because I don't know who else he could be, but also because he knows about the other dimensions outside Undertale. How would he know if he didn't come from outside? Who else would this fourth guardian be, and why would Joku mention him? What's more, a number of elements fit together with this theory, notably his strategy of manipulating Nim (Nim is far from stupid, and he probably wouldn't have succeeded so easily if he didn't already know a little about her), in order to create Dream and Nightmare, dividing positivity and negativity to undermine the pillars of balance, all with the aim of finding a carnal envelope and taking possession of the Tree of Feelings...

Like a plan that has been fine-tuned for years and years... Add to this the anecdote that the tree guardians are not the original guardians and that Nim learnt something awful about them before leaving for Undertale, and you'd think there was a rotten menace already pulling the strings in the shadows, long before our dear twins were born.

So what is Corrupted looking for? What's his ultimate plan? To spread negativity across all dimensions and reign supreme as a Living God?

A fine programme... But what if we took his ambitions one step further?

☁︎ Feelings, Life, Magic:

Why three trees? Why THESE three trees? Why place them at the centre of the Multiverse? Why are feelings, life and magic at the heart of the worlds? What link can we make between them?

Feelings, well ok, that works... Life and death, logical... Magic? Why magic? Magic isn't a necessary element in the Multiverse, sometimes it doesn't even exist... Why a tree of Magic and not a tree of Souls, or a tree of Virtues and Sins, for example? Undertale is very closely linked to magic, but that's not the case for all worlds...

This is where we come back to the idea that apples are the materialised forms of the feelings creators apply to their work... Does this also work with Magic and Life? Yes, it does. Trees don't just take care of Feelings, Life and Death and Magic... They reflect what creators need to create.

Feelings, as we've said, are exactly what it takes to find inspiration, to feed the imagination like maintain fire. As long as the feelings remain, so do the passion and inspiration.

Life, on the other hand, is quite simply what enables a work to exist, to remain. Life is the nest in which the spirit bathes, gathering together the experiences of the creator, housing and preserving them. You could also say that the more lives there are to witness a work, the more real a work is.

Inspiration, yes... The environment, all right... But what is needed to create something out of nothing? To make the unreal real? The immaterial material?

Nothing more than a little magic ✨ !

Not the kind of magic you find in fiction with wizards and pseudo-scientific logic, no... Magic in the sense of believing in something irrational. To believe that these worlds exist, to have faith without needing proof. Accepting imagination. Not in a religious connotation, but in the sense: Magic = Consenting Suspension of Disbelief.

Feelings: The fuel.

Life: The oxygen.

Magic: The spark.

Fire triangle is complete.

What if these three trees were the equivalent of the Triforce of Creation itself? Feelings to stimulate, Life to sustain, Magic to materialize.

What would happen if, by some mischance, an ill-intentioned person managed to seize the power of these three trees? What would be the consequences? In the end, perhaps this mysterious Entity wants more than just the golden apple in Dream's care?

And if these three trees work very well together, what would the fourth guardian be doing?

Would he be the original guardian?

Or the exact opposite of Creation: Destruction and Nothingness?

(Voilà! I hope theses theories will have interested you ^^ And you, what do you think? Do you have theories about what's going to happen in the Dreamtale sequel?)

Dreamtale belongs to @jokublog

#dreamtale #dream sans #nightmare sans #Nim #theory #jokublog #joku #corrupted nightmare sans #Dreamtale analysis

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tvrningout · 11 months ago

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with the new year comes some little bits of housekeeping, and it's mainly how i plan to approach interactions moving forward. the plain and unfortunate truth is i suck at keeping up with messages. it's easier the closer i feel to someone, but i can still get easily overwhelmed. i'm still forgetful, both with messages and interaction calls. so this year, i'm going to do my best to act in accordance to my strengths and stop pushing myself to do something that i simply don't have the mental energy to do constantly.

what does this mean? well, i won't be making plotting calls going forward; instead, i plan to make lists of plots for each muse as well as general plots/dynamics i want, and i'll approach you if you like one of these posts. this should make dynamics easier to develop since we'll already have a starting place. i will also occasionally reblog a plotting meme of some sort, so if you want a more personalized idea from me, those will be the way to go. i probably won't like plotting calls myself unless i have a pretty solid idea in mind.

when i make starter/inbox calls, i'm going to start placing a cap on them so that i don't bite off more than i can chew. if i get through that initial cap, i might raise it if i still feel good enough to do more, but if i don't, it's okay bc i guarantee i'll make another interaction call before long! i just need to start doing this bc i honestly forget what i owe within a few days if i get busy.

and i want to be honest -- the little interactions make me more comfortable around my mutuals and more likely to pursue interactions. liking my headcanons/ooc posts/etc., commenting on posts, and sending in memes ( ic or ooc ) show me you do have an interest in what i have to offer. i understand reaching out is nerve-wracking bc i get nervous, too, but reaching out can be something as small as liking a post. and this is just a general note in regards to my own comfort that i might put in my rules! i guess what i'm saying is, if you're having a hard time approaching me, just a little interaction will help me bridge the gap, if that makes sense. if both of us feel shy but at least one of us reaches out even in a small way, we can make a connection over time!

i think that's it for the time being! i promise i'll be doing my best to show my interest even when it's hard for me to talk, and i hope these changes make it easier to connect <3

#i'm not reading that back again bc i really am feeling like a lil deflated balloon and it's only 9 o'clock here asdfg #i've been thinking about this for a minute though bc really #i keep trying to be good at messages and keeping track of interaction calls and rather than stressing myself out #i'm just going to do what i know will work better for me bc it'll then work better for y'all in the long run too #i might add all of this into my rules later but for now i'm gonna drink some water and take a minute bc a headache is trying to come for me #and just!! sorry to everyone i've ever forgotten about when it comes to interaction calls!!#and i'm sorry to everyone i've ever forgotten to message back!!#i never meant to be this way and you're wonderful!! i just got a bad brain you see :' )#get ready to ramble | ooc

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bcbdrums · 2 years ago

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Are there any Kim Possible episodes you wouldn't really consider "canon?" Some of the dumber ones like Grande Size Me or Roachie or Blush for example that don't really add to the show.

oh, snap... truthfully i was a little taken aback by anything except Grande Size Me being called dumb, but then i recalled that on my rewatch ahead of the live action i was incredibly impatient with Larry's Birthday. i have since changed my tune, but i was on a binge at the time and eager to get to Graduation, lol.

but, no.... i even consider Grande Size Me to be canon. recall if you will... in fact i think i recently mentioned this... that Kim Possible as a show is chock full of genetic mutation. it's an even more recurring theme than Drakken trying to use robots or mind control to take over the world. so while that episode was made at the direct order of the Disney execs to make a healthy eating episode, and the creators made the episode as horrible as possible on purpose so the execs would stop trying to dictate the show to them.... i still call it canon.

if DNAmy can put Rufus and Barkin in a machine, create a mutant from both of them with the flip of a switch, and then an equally simple flip of a switch brings them back to normal.... yeah. yeah, i can buy the events of Grande Size Me. it's no leap at all, really.

and... okay, Blush??? that one's got me confused. Blush is a highly important episode. first of all, the entirety of the evil plot in the episode is...Drakgo trying to kill Kim "once and for all" in Drakken's words. Disney won't use the word "kill" but Wade explaining that she'll disappear forever is pretty self explanatory. so, the point is...Drakgo are willing to go that far. as if it wasn't already clear.

secondly, the ep shows how great and devoted a friend Ron is, that he risks his life to save not just her life, but also her date. canon tells us that Kim and Ron have secretly crushed on each other all along, but here Ron is helping her date with another dude go well. so to those people who claim Ron is useless or whatever... yeahhh far from it. he's always there for Kim and this is one of those eps where it's just in your face.

important side notes about the ep... we get that delicious defeat montage, which ends with Drakgo shopping together. ahhhh domesticity for my ship! not to mention all those lairs Drakken has... including a space lair. they've all already been to space, very important to note... additionally, we see that Josh isn't necessarily the greatest guy... kissing Kim at the end there after Kim had expressed some physical boundaries. sure the boundaries were because she was busy vanishing, but he still didn't respect them. and, AND...! this is the precursor to the plot of So the Drama, where Drakken first starts researching what makes Kim, a teen girl, tick. i could go on but...yeah this episode is great.

and Roachie is one of the many delightful shorts, expanding the KP universe beyond the weekly villains. i can't think of another show to reference right now, but some of the bigger TV buffs out there can certainly name some... like...i guess like Batman fights the Joker each week, defeats him, he's hauled off to Arkham, then back again for the next episode! like...very typical cartoon stuff. or Bugs and Elmer Fudd always trying to outwit each other. Kim always fighting the same villain(s) kind of limits the show and makes it feel like an even...lesser version of 'monster of the week.' sooooo....yeah, for starters, this episode brings something fresh. it always gives Kim a very human very real flaw, for the girl who can do anything. and it gives Ron yet another unique gift and moment to shine. and personally i loved the one-off villain. a person might get impatient with the episode and want to move on to their fave villains, i totally understand that. but...not consider it canon???

i.... i hope you can send me another ask of deeper explanation, Anon? because why wouldn't any of these be canon??? not someone's fave ep, okay that's fine, people's taste is subjective and that's everyone's freedom. but not canon? they all fit in perfectly with the KP universe and i'm quite perplexed by them being called dumb and not adding to the show.

#queued post #kim possible #shego #drakken #ron stoppable #drakgo

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the-boy-who-sought-freedom · 11 months ago

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Role-Play Rules/General Guideline

I normally only roleplay 'extreme' literate. That means at least over five sentences. (400 - 1000 words.) This, of course, doesn't always apply in certain cases. Sometimes a reply may be small, so be it. Feel free to DM me if you need an example of how I write. I will gladly provide you with an excerpt from a previous RP I have done, or even link you to my AO3 Account. Please have somewhat of a strong grasp of grammar. If you don't know the difference between their, there, and they're, as well as your, and you're, then we're probably not a good match. Punctuation is an exception since I myself sometimes struggle with this! I RP THIRD-PERSON POV ONLY!

I have zero triggers! This doesn't mean that I will do absolutely anything. This just means that if you have an idea and I like it/am interested, then I will accept it. Aka gore, incest, smut, LGBTQ+, Homophobia, different types of AU's, prostitution, alcoholism, drug abuse, self-harm, mpreg, etc. I should be okay with it. :) Note: I will not RP Canonverse/Canon-Divergence.

I have the right to refuse you as a partner or end the RP for any reason at any time. I am not obligated to finish it. Frankly, I don't owe you shit, just as you don't owe me anything. I mean this in the nicest way possible. I respect you as a person and I only wish the same in return. If you are unable to reply for a while, simply let me know! I will try to be understanding since real life always comes first!

DON'T SPAM! This is the fastest way to get yourself blocked. If I don't reply immediately, that probably means that I am busy. I consider myself very swift to reply to you, or at the very least let you know if I will be able to reply that day/week/month or not. If you haven't replied in over a week with no explanation I might simply nudge you. It'll possibly look like this: 'Hello, just wondering how you're doing?' 'Hey, are you going to reply this week/day?' 'Are you growing bored of the RP? Need me to do anything?' etc. Again, this is not a job. I do not get paid, so I have the right to relax. We both should. Roleplaying is how I wind down for the day/is a healthy distraction from everyday life. I'd assume it's similar for you. Take care of yourself first as I will ultimately do the same!

No God-modding, please. Unless you specifically ask, or I tell you that it's alright because I recognize that the scene calls for more action on either of our parts in order to move forward, then I will have absolutely none of that. A character can be strong, yes, but it's simply overkill if you won't allow another character to fight back, make them rich and famous and the other dirt poor... I hope you understand what I mean. RP should be 50/50 so that it is enjoyable for us both. (This rule can be exempt in certain circumstances/settings.)

Starters. This is a big one for some reason. I am willing to write a starter as long as we've spoken ahead first. I'd like to know the general plot so that I don't fuck up an idea you had/have or get the setting wrong. Again, if we message each other we should have no problems. I'd prefer if you asked first as I will always ask if unsure before writing my reply.

Where do I roleplay? Good question. I DO NOT roleplay in reblogs. I DO however roleplay on sites like Discord, Chatzy, or on Tumblr in DM’s, though my favourite is most definitely Discord.

Characters/Ships. I actually consider myself a multi-shipper and thus I tend to be generally okay with any pairing. Some examples of my favourites are Jean x Eren, Erwin x Levi, Floch x Eren, Zeke x Eren, Zeke x Levi, Hanji x Levi, etc. I don’t mind if there are ships within the RP. I actually love it when there’s things like an ex-boyfriend, one is still married, cheating, etc. It gives it some flavour. ;)

Plot! Plot is very important to me. Although I do write smut from time to time, I'd much rather RP plot with a fair bit of smut rather than purely NSFW. That simply isn't as enjoyable to me as a generally nonsexual person even though what I write on AO3 seems to be hypersexual at first glance. I know how to write it- have written it well as far as I've been told -so I will initiate it from time to time if the mood is right. Friends to lovers, enemies to lovers, strangers to friends to lovers... Let's just say I eat that shit up. Bring on the AU's!

Finally, the last thing I can think of at the moment besides the whole 'I hope you understand and accept' deal, is if you have any more questions, my DM’s are always open! I may not get to them right away but I'll make sure to check as often as I can! Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it.

Once again, this is just a general guideline to follow. I am willing to be flexible, as well as disregard certain aspects if necessary!!!

#roleplay #roleplay rules #ereri #riren #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #aot #snk #levi ackerman #eren jaeger

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captainseamech · 2 years ago

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//I mentioned a few days ago that I had some things going through my mind and that I was building up courage to tell you guys that and... I think this is finally the appropriate time for such. It's nothing against anyone here, I promise you that. It's more about myself, really.

This post is written with small text font to make it faster to read (since I typed a lot), but if you want me to leave it all on a regular font feel free to tell me so and I'll fix it. And if there's any misspelling or grammatical error bear with me since I do be a bit sick still and... I might fix later (if I remember to do it) so my English might be worse than ever in this post. I'm sorry in advance.

.... for the past couple days since New Years hit us in the face I've seen my mutuals just... moving blogs and all that to start fresh aside from ships, relationships and the like and honestly, that kind of motivated me to do such since I'm... frankly unhappy with how this blog is looking recently, but I'm also in quite a big dilemma since I hate making choices and I wanted to be more open with you guys for a moment. Again, I've been thinking deeply on whether making this post or not but I think it will be worth it in the end (or I just wasted some of my time typing, who knows.)

On one hand it'd make me feel better and refreshed to move from here, starting with a theme, carrd and all that fancy stuff; especially with a better organization of my tags from the beginning since I feel my tags are... all over the place as of currently in comparison to my other blogs; as well as I'd have a way better sense of making my verses since I just... well, kind of hoarded lots of them with some that I barely dont use (if not straight up abandoned behind one starter call and/or headcanon post since I made them specific to one 'dead' fandom or whatnot). And also that I, somehow, get some quite mean/meaningful intended anons here for things that I did or not so hopefully moving places would make them disappear or even just appease them.

But on the other hand... this blog of mine has so much memories!! This is my oldest blog (November 2017!!) on this website, old peeps that were mutuals with me that still lurks in my followers list because the good times!! I had with them in the past!! before my hiatus are just!!!! And like, recently a few old mutuals of mine have been coming back to this site on a way or another with their older tumblr blog, or even just!! Keeping them there!! For the memories!! I put so much hard work on this blog and my writing over the years, especially with Cat (@/faultfindingfirebot) being such an old mutual of mine and developing our characters together!! All the memories with that ship is just!! Lurking here!! Everything is here!! With a simple mouse scroll through their blog tag!!

I know that moving blogs doesn't necessarily mean having to delete this blog, but still!! All the memories (even the cringe ones) are here and I just!! Don't want to lose this treasure y'know? I started on tumblr with this blog and I hoped to die on this hill still here! Maybe I'm just unnecessarily being emotional over this clusterfuck of a messy blog, but still! There's development from both me and the way I write my character with so much joy and not carrying much about fancyness! But apparently fancyness has become a major point in every rpc, to the point of really making me feel legitimately scared and/or hesitant to approach because some writers really despise mobile writers somehow... and it doesn't do wonders to my anxiety honestly.

So... Again, it might sound stupid of me to be emotional over this blog instead of quickly moving on like normal people should but as I mentioned repeatedly before... The memories that lures around this blog are one of the most important things that I could've asked for and this is why I'm opening up to you guys because I want to establish more communication with my mutuals publicly since I always sucked at keeping a stable conversation with each and everyone.

I reckon it might sound straight up weird for me to feel attached and just not do it like a normal person would and move blogs already without letting one's mind out but... I really, really cant help it at all. And I just couldn't stop it from happening too, even though I tried my best to avoid it. But scrolling back on this blog sometimes to see all the good and bad things me and High Tide has gotten through is just... developmentally nostalgic in a way, and sometimes I like to relive the old times no matter how cringe it seemed with both new and old time mutuals.

TL;DR: Should I just stop whining around and move on to try new experiences or stay here where I always belonged?

#🛳 | outside the ship / ooc #📱 | stuck in my datapad / mobile posting #long post tw #tw long post #[ it's under read more but still snbdndkf ]#[ and also I tried to not make this reading boring my yeeting icons here and there... hope it worked ]

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anonfromtheflight · 11 months ago

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WE FINISHED SEASON 2!

And my sister basically hated everything and everyone, except Simon and Wille, until the last second lmao She hated Marcus and the idea of a love triangle with a passion!

We also took a lot more breaks than when we watched S1. For starters, after episode 2, when Sara goes to August and they kissed? Had to stop because she got really mad at Sara. For context, she's also on the spectrum and we're best friends. We basically share one brain cell when we're together. She's the one I'd call for help, she'd bring the shovel and wouldn't ask questions. And I'm the same for her.

And she held to the hope until the last moment that Sara was going to get her scholarship to live at school and she would then tell Simon and when that didn't happen was SO disappointing for her. Especially because Sara fell in love with the one asshole who destroyed her little brother's life. And who my sister hated from the beginning lol After some heartfelt promises (between us to never ever do something like that) we kept watching but yeah, Sara was the lowest point of the season for her since she liked her a lot in S1. (And Rousseau's screen time! lol)

We also had to take another break when Wille kissed Felice but that was more fun because she basically went lIke "don't kiss Felice if all you really wanted was to kiss Simon, omg don't be an asshole Wille! I'M BEGGING YOUUU' to the point my mom came to check on us because I couldn't stop laughing at her reaction. Which was valid but hilarious lmao

Her favorite scene, hands down, was the Valentine's Ball scene! Even with sad Wille and sad Simon. Because finally the pain was paying off. She also caught the "they don't have names" all on her own. Basically because she hated Marcus and didn't believe for a second he was worth of having Simon's attention lol

(And omg this is my idk sixth? rewatch of Young Royals and I didn't notice that in the scene after Wille says he gets it, he is going to leave Simon alone now and right before Simon leaves the party to go after Wille the song literally says "never let me go, never let me go, don't go from my love" 😩😩😩)

Also my sister's comment after The Kiss™️: "Simon got lucky Wille's makeup it's good quality, he would've looked hilarious trying to look like he didn't kiss Wille thoroughly while singing with his face painted white" lmao

Was blown away by both Simon singing Simon's song and Wille not getting the meaning on his own lol Thinks "they're both major losers" but they're "her little cute losers and they deserve the world and each other!!"

OHHHH and after Sara found out Stella was in love with Fredrika, she screamed "I knew it!" Lol She's happy her gaydar isn't completely broken.

We also had to take a break after episode 5, got ourselves some beer and went to watch episode 6 lol

Commenting on Sara/August: I'm not gonna feel bad for the heterosexuals bleeeugh

The last minutes of episode 6: FUUUCK HE IS GOING TO DO IT, HE IS GOING TO DO IT LOOK AT HIS FACE! DETERMINATION! HE IS GOING TO DO IT OMG HE DID IT 😭😭😭 LOOK AT SIMON! BIGGEST I LOVE YOU TOO EVER FUCK THEM WHY AM I CRYING OMG I'M TELLING MOM YOU MADE ME CRY WITH YOUR LITTLE SHOW!!!

So basically a big success! She obviously wanted to harm me after I told her we have no news when S3 it's coming out D:

But loved the S3 clip too. And is happy Simon and Wille are happy.

OMFG it's super late but I wanted to post before sleeping while her comments are still fresh in my mind.

If I remember something else tomorrow, I'll edit it lol

Just finished watching season 1 with my sister (non-stop with a short break for dinner with my mom and one! bathroom break) and omg she liked it! Simon and Wilhelm are now her little sad Nordic gays lmao

She thinks Omar is gorgeous and has a bone structure to die for but is completely mesmerized by Edvin's nose and his sad eyes. And she's a sucker for sad eyes lol She almost never cries with TV but teared up right along with Wille in the end.

She thought Wille was cool and then a loser and Simon was cool, then a nerd and then a loser for falling for Wille's loser behaviour. They're cute losers though.

What else? Ohh she hated August on sight BUT the most hilarious part is that she knew this was a queer story between Wille and Simon but she thought Erik was also gay and closeted lol She has been lamenting her apparently broken gaydar now "it was the turtleneck, okay!" LMAO And she is never going to forgive him for going and get killed and leave poor Wille alone.

She wants August, Vincent and Nils to go die in a fire and basically hates everyone at Forest Ridge LMAO

OHH she can't believe Sara kept who uploaded the video from Simon there at the end and is absolutely sure she's going to tell him as soon as S2 starts 😬 She said no spoilers so I'm not saying anything but it's hard!!

All in all she really liked it, it's nothing like she thought it would be, it's blown away by wilmon's acting and their chemistry and by the quality of the story, since it's not the typical kind of queer representation we often see on TV.

It's almost 3am and we're going to start with season 2 now!

And I feel like I'm going to fall asleep any minute 🤣

Edited to add she also said Stella was one of her people, she's a lesbian, but I haven't told her her gaydar isn't completely broken yet, she's gonna be so smug haha

#rewatching young royals #about me I guess lol

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saturninebravery · 7 years ago

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;

@bittenchildremus

Although his long-crippled, notorious reputation had been gloriously restored by the very object of his entire life mission, it was not without some irreversible damage; it had been lurking beneath muddy waters for so long that it would surely never gleam and dazzle like a polished prize, doomed to be stained by the crimes of his dubious past.

Better dead than a prisoner, was now his motto. Be it literally, as he was long due an Azkaban sentence despite his redeemer’s best efforts to clear him, or figuratively - chained to the pedestal of said infallible redeemer and the sheer pity that was to come with the exposure of his ‘better’ part. Severus Snape was not ready, nor would he ever be, to face a life he hadn’t earnt, and planned for. His death was to be the end of his suffering atonement, to crown his life mission and grant him respite. To go back to dust, slipping into the oblivion whence he came. His entire life purpose had slipped from his fingers twice before: upon realising the boy had been raised to be naught but a sacrificial lamb, and when the lamb had finally defeated the greatest evil against all odds. Severus himself had been expendable, and had exhausted his purpose.

So what was he still doing, roaming this cruel earth?

Finding a new purpose, perhaps.

***

Elias Prince released a light hiss from under his battered hat as he stepped on the train in King’s Cross, his gut twisting in anger that the tenuous new lead he laboured so hard to obtain had amounted to nothing. Hiding in plain sight had always been his strong suit so he had effortlessly waded the capital’s secret pathways, plunging between the parallel Muggle and Wizarding worlds like a shade in the shadow. He could have been spotted, and he knew the dangers; but he was always painstakingly careful to keep his interactions with the Wizarding world to a minimum. Anonymously donating rare and extremely laborious medicinal potions to St Mungo’s, purchasing smuggled magical creature feed and assassinating former supporters of the Dark Lord were his only exceptions. Despite what he told himself, truth was that he was not ready to face any of the people from his past. Ever. Again.

So it was with a plunge into an abyss of sheer panic that his heart greeted the figure of the man sat right across him, fortuitously asleep. It was unmistakeable, and as much as he wished it was a hallucination conjured by his mind, finally unhinged, the ravings of a paranoid ex-spy, there could be no doubt as to who he was. A man he hadn’t seen for three years - not since that humiliating night he’d attempted to save him, accidentally disfiguring the Weasley boy. He gritted his teeth, sucking in a breath as he regarded the ghost from his past through narrowed obsidian slits, and a flood of memories and tempestuous feelings stormed his constricted, helpless chest. He should have been relieved to see him alive and well, caught in his old habits. But despite his stony composure he felt sick, and he knew he needed to leave: no matter how meticulous his Muggle disguise and the fact that he was dead to the entire world, Lupin had known him well and for long enough to raise suspicions. He quickly glanced at his ticket: the reservation was printed in stark blank ink, mocking him. The train had begun to fill at an alarming rate as the air horn outside blared to signal the imminent departure, commuters duly taking their allocated seats. The doors closed with an unforgiving whoosh, and the platform started moving slowly as the train inexorably undocked. He was trapped. Well and truly trapped. He begrudgingly took his seat with a whispered profanity as a grumpy old man rebuked him for blocking the passageway, and cast a shadow upon his eyes with the brim of his hat before hiding behind a copy of the Evening Standard. He found himself bitterly praying to every deity in the pantheon his former colleague wouldn’t awaken, and, god forbid, recognise him.

#bittenchildremus #{I hope you don't mind another starter since you liked both starter calls!}#{I like having multiple threads anyway}#;v: after the storm {post war AU}

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battyshopkeeper · 2 years ago

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Collage riddler x male reader au

Roommate Cuddles

Edward Nashton x Male Reader

Word Count: 1242

Contains / Warnings: Confessions, Cuddles, Mentions of Anxiety, Mentions of Alcohol, Fluff, Suggestive Stuff, Omg they were roommates.

(A/N: I’m back, have quick little fluff as a treat. Also yes I used this banner before.)

You had a really weird roommate. That wasn't you being overly judgmental, that was just a simple observation. It could've been much worse with the entire plan of becoming roommates with a random stranger. But there was no way in hell you could pay for rent with your cashier job, and you would rather die then befriend someone at this point. So your only option was him.

One Edward Nashton, the relatively shy guy that was going to attend your collage, with the added bonus of having a job to pay the bills. It was practically perfect.

And it was rude but even when meeting him there was a part of you that hoped Edward would spend the majority of his time away. But that couldn't be further from the truth. You couldn't even judge in all honesty since you were in the same boat as him. Your antisocial behavior that was worsened by your anxiety, it all lead to staying in your shared shitty apartment then going out to enjoying the collage life. Edward was probably the only other person you talked to outside of classes or work, and just like you he was the same.

It was awkward at first, both of you hanging around the apartment only being able to start the most stilted of small talk before it died off into uncomfortable silence until one of you called it quits and went back to your room. But there was a slow change, and it started when those god awful conversation starters actually revealed what interests you both had in common. Quickly warming up to him after that, being charmed by his odd personality that you originally thought would've been a point of contention. You two clicked after that and that was all you really needed to get attached to one another.

It became a usual occurrence to hang out in the living room. At first using the excuse of studying together, but that quickly turned to times where you just enjoyed each others company. From playing games together, trying new budget foods to mixed results, or simply rambling about whatever your minds went to. And today was one of those days, with both of you lazily sitting on the couch. The entire vibe changing when you pulled out a bottle of whine, a joke gift for Edward getting a promotion, a whole 5 cents difference. It became a blurry night with both of you taking swigs from the bottle, talking about your day, mainly complaining about classes. But it didn't take long for things to take a turn.

"Yeah, I feel like I'm starved—I would have died if touch starvation was a thing." It was a lame passing comment from your buzz, you didn't even remember what started that conversation. But it lead to an odd moment as Edward stared at you nervously, struggling to speak up as he gulped down the wine. "So you uh, never cuddled anyone?" "Obviously not." There was a small pause, his eyes locked directly to yours as you felt yourself become a little nervous, maybe more from embarrassment then anything. "Wanna test it out then?" Edward suddenly asks.

You were visibly taken aback at his offer, Edward softly cursing under his breath, like he realized just how weird that was. "I mean, I'm not... against it. Guess it's good to try new thing." You reply, scratching the back of your neck with a timid smile. "You don't have to, I mean you don't have to settle with me for that." Edward gestures at himself with a forced laugh and that oddly made you feel a little defensive on his part. "Come on, Ed. Who the hell would I trust to cuddle with? I hate the majority of people." He looked away at that, becoming a flustered mess so much that he had to bite down a smile.

"So then... how do we do this?" Edward stood up as a way to start, placing the almost empty bottle to the side with a groan. You laid down with open arms, a teasing smile spreading around your face. "Come here, dude." Edward stood there for a second, with a face like he thought he was about to do something wrong. It took you calling his name again for him to finally lay on top of you, so carefully, like you were made of glass. "Relax. I can handle you." You try to soothe while gently pulling him closer. Edward furiously apologized while trying to shift into a more comfortable position. You couldn't help but let out a chuckle as Edward hesitantly laid his head against your chest before letting out a sigh when your arms wrapped around him. He was going to make a passing comment but it always died off. He couldn't even lie, this was a dream come true, feeling so close to your warmth and scent, it was enough to make Edward nuzzle his cheek against you for just a little more.

And you both stayed that way for who knows how long, losing track of time as you dozed off in each others arms. Only being woken up when bringing up something to keep your minds distracted from it's sleepiness, always dying into random ramblings.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" You playfully tease as your grip around him tightened, feeling him hug your torso with a small huff. "Pft, no." "That's a shame, I was gonna ask if you wanted to do this more." Edward paused. "... I really like this then." He said while hiding his face into the crook of your neck. "Yeah, me too." You whisper with a hand moving up to his neck, your thumb gently rubbing his cheek as you heard him let out another sigh.

"I can never imagine doing this with anyone but you." Edward confessed, his hands running down your sides. Fluttering your eyes closed, you let out a small noise as Edward kept his hands on you. You wanted to say something, ask him more but you stopped yourself, instead choosing to stay in the moment to focus on his voice and hands. And Edward kept going, whispering to you confession after confession.

"Ed, you're making me feel so many things. And I don't wanna make you regret this." You groan as he gently kissed under your jaw. "I won't regret this, I promise." He mumbled before going back to littering your neck with kisses.

"Fuck, I really really like you." You let out a lighthearted laugh, feeling him slowly stop. "I guess I kinda see you as my boyfriend sometimes."

"Do you mean it?" "Of course—" "No, like you're not joking, right?" Edward looked up at you with furrowed brows, pain lacing his face and voice. You were a little speechless, your mind blanking at how desperate he seemed. It was enough to make you sit up to tilt his head up at you.

"Eddie, who else would I want to be my boyfriend? Who else could it be but you? You're the only person I want to stick besides and I mean that." Edward couldn't stop from smiling, suddenly hiding his face in his hands, letting out a broken laugh. "Holy shit, are you crying?" You quickly go to comfort him, grabbing his wrists as he shook his head frantically. "It's the whine, These are—They're happy tears. I just thought that this could never happen." Edward laughed again before wiping his running tears. You took that as sign, leaning closer to him with a grin. "Wow, We really are walking stereotypes. Close roommates."

"Roommates for life?" He jokingly asks.

"Roommates for life." You reply.

#Edward Nashton #edward nashton x reader #Edward nashton x male reader #The Riddler #collage au #the batman 2022

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atsumwah · 3 years ago

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too little too late

featuring : suna rintaro x reader (they/them pronouns used. correct me if there's a mistake!)

genre : angst

notes : hello !! so this is my first piece of @rintah0e 's and mine fic collab! it was fun getting out of my comfort zone and writing angst, especially for the master of angst aka bby senn🤧 anyways i hope u enjoy it <33 reblogs are appreciated bbs mwahh

suna hates this.

he hates the way he always catches your figure from across the room, hates the way you don't even notice his eyes trying to meets yours, hates how he can vividly see you intertwining your hands with the man he wished he could be right now.

he hates how he shouldn't be feeling this way but he can't help it. even after all these years, he can't help but still be in love with you.

and to top it all of, he hates how unfair it was for all these feelings to emerge from deep within him on the most important day of your life.

"want another drink?" he turned his head towards atsumu who was holding two drinks in his hand. he didn't hesitate to take it.

"don't mind if I do." he gulped it down in one go, then wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve.

"you need to let them go, man." his body stilled at the blonde's words. "it's not fair for them or for you."

"I can't." he sighs, admitting it out loud. it's not like I wanted to feel this way.

"you had no problem doing it before."

"don't."his head immediately turned towards the blonde setter, holding a finger up as a warning, "not now."

"why not?" atsumu faced him with his arms crossed in front of his chest. "look, I get that I'm your friend but what you did was a dick move and you know it. and suddenly now you're finally realizing that you're gonna lose them forever? where was this realization all those years ago?"

"miya, i said don't." he replied, trying to mask out the aching that's burning his chest now.

"or what? you're gonna tell me to fuck off too?" he said, poking his tongue at the side of his cheek before continuing. "you know what, forget it. I don't know why I agreed to bring you here anyways." he said before walking away from the brunette.

suna rolled his eyes at him but knew that atsumu's words were true. why didn't he feel this way when he broke it off between you both years ago? why did he feel betrayed now, after seeing you with another man ready to start your new adventure in life?

maybe it's finally hitting him that there's zero chance for him to be with you. maybe now there's absolutely zero chance for you to accept him in your life. maybe it's finally hitting him how stupid he was.

falling in love with you was unpredictable. for starters, you two hated each other. you both got off to the wrong foot and since suna had a way to push people's buttons— he made it quite easier for you to hate him.

but that didn't stop him from finding your teasing self bearable the longer he knew you. it didn't stop him from looking forward to your presence each and every day in class, even if it was to annoy him.

and frankly it didn't stop him from looking at you differently as the days went by.

maybe it was the way you styled your hair or the way you got so happy at a test result you got that day. maybe it was the way you smiled that made him involuntarily smile too. maybe it was the way he finds himself muttering "pretty" under his breath and realizing he said it when he was looking at you.

before he knew it, he fell in love with you and miraculously, you felt the same way about him too.

he still remembers that particular day of how it all started. it was pouring when he spotted you walking home with an umbrella in hand. he remembers calling out your name and you stopping in your tracks to turn towards him. he remembers telling you he was in love with you. he remembers your goofy smile before you pulled him in a searing kiss.

he remembers being yours and thought that that was all he wanted in life.

keyword : thought.

as you both reached adulthood and were ready to take another step into your life, suna was beginning to have doubts. you were both in a happy place, yes, but for how long would that last?

just as he remembered how it all started, he still remembers how it all ended.

"what the heck are you talking about?" you said, ways furrowing and lips in a tight line. "rin, you're joking right?"

"do i look like I'm joking to you?" he said, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm just saying, maybe a break would be a good thing. we're both going different directions anyways so it won't be hard for us to go."

"hard? that's what you're afraid of? that it's going to be hard?" you said exasperatedly. "rin, of course it's going to be hard but that doesn't mean it's not possible.”

“I'm just being realistic here, y/n. one of us has to be.” he says, sighing as he faces you.

you tensed as he used your first name, an occurrence that only happens when he’s deadly serious.

“why are you so stubborn?

“If anything you're being stubborn here. you don't want to face the reality of—"

“of what? of you giving up on us?

"yes.” he said almost immediately. “If that's gonna make you get it then yes I am. just fuck off, y/n, jeez. " he snapped before he could even stopped himself to think about his words carefully.

he saw the way your eyes flickered to the ceiling, how your lips started to tremble and felt like he had gone too far. he sighed before walling towards you, reaching his hands out to hold onto yours— but the moment he was in your personal bubble, you backed away. you backed away as if he was something disgusting you didn't want to be near with.

a part of him shattered seeing you do that but he was just giving you the honest truth. it wasn't like he wanted for you both to break up. it was just inevitable. you were going off to college and he was starting his career and there was no way it could be worked.

you were convenient to him. you stayed around the same area, you meet each other at school everyday and all your dates were the places he's used to going anyways. but now, moving to another city, preferably having another life? how could it still work?

“I thought you loved me." you whispered, looking at him in disbelief. "after everything we did to get here, you're just gonna throw it all away?”

“we were teenagers." he said simply. "it's different now."

you forced out a chuckle. “that's your excuse? you're a coward, suna."

the sound of his last name coming from your lips sounded so foreign but he didn't back down. he couldn't. he was being rational.

he walked over to you again and tried to reach for your hands but you kept stepping away from him.

“I love you.” he said, voice barely a whisper. "I love you but it's just—"

“bullshit. if you loved me, you would have fought to make it work.”

you would've fought for us.

and those were your last words before you went on with your life.

after that, he tried contacting you but you had his number and every social media account blocked. he didn't even know where you had moved and all of his friends refused to tell him your whereabouts too.

that was when it hit him that maybe he should have taken your advice and tried harder.

because no matter how hard building his career was, it didn't come close as to how hard it was for him to forget about you.

and maybe some part of him hoped to meet you again. some part of him hoped that one day he'd see you walking down the street and catch up to you like he always did when he was sixteen. maybe you wouldn't be mad at him anymore and you two could go grab a coffee to reconcile your relationship. maybe you could've continued what you had and made it stronger because he knew now to never let you go. he won't.

but it was too late. he was too late.

because standing in front of him now is not someone he can hope for a future with.

in fact, it's someone who's already planning on having a future— and he was nowhere in it.

the big 'congratulations' banner hung on the wall was a painful reminder to him of how you're getting married soon. it was a reminder that you're officially someone else's. that you're officially unobtainable. you were on the verge of making memories with someone new, and he's stuck with the memories of the past.

even when he looks at you now, it's nothing but an ache in his chest. the sight of you used to be something that brought him joy. whenever he came home to you back at his apartment, all worn out and tired from the day, just the sight of your open arms brought the biggest smile to his face. he used to bury his face in the crook of your neck, taking in your sweet scent and clinging onto you like a koala— a routine whenever he came home to you. even if he never verbally said it, you were his home.

and he took that for granted.

because whenever he sees you now, he wants nothing more than to desperately kiss and tell you how wrong he was to let you go. he wants nothing more than to resume what you both once had, resume his version of a fairytale romance that only you provided him.

once upon a time he was everything to you— but that chapter of the book had closed and suna wished he tried rewriting it way sooner.

he wished he realized it way sooner.

"I didn't think you'd come."

his eyes snapped towards you, who suddenly appeared in front of him. you still looked as beautiful as he remembered.

"wouldn't miss it for the world." he said, eyes darting from his empty glass to you. "it's been a while."

"yeah. I heard you made it to the national team. congrats, suna." you said, giving him a nod after too.

he forced a smile, still processing in his brain that he wasn't anything but suna to you, atsumu's friend that he dragged here and your future husband's teammate.

"I hope you don't take this the wrong way, though. tsumu wanted you to come and well, my fiancé thought it would be a good idea too, you know, since you two would be playing together." you composed yourself in saying. "and I thought by now we could be civil with each other so yeah."

"no, I get it. you don't have to explain yourself." he says, downing the last drop of what was left in his cup.

"alright then, I hope you enjoy the rest of the party." you said, already turning on your heel to leave.

"wait," he says immediately, "I—"

I still love you.

I should've tried harder.

don't choose him. let me have another chance.

"I...wish you both the best." is what he says instead. "I hope you'll be happy with him."

"I am." you said, a familiar look appeared on your face and he was silly it was only ever reserved for him. "I truly am. thank you, suna. I hope all the best for you too."

he watched as you walked back to the center of the party with a pair of arms draping themselves around your shoulder as you reached there. he watched as a pair of lips kissed your temple softly, making you scrunch your nose in a cute way he remembered you used to do. he watched as you leaned in and made yourself comfortable in his hold, looking as if you belonged there. he watched as you got father away from him, indefinitely slipping away from his reach.

suna hates this but he hates himself more for letting you go in the first place.

a/n : atsumu isn't ur fiancé btw so feel free to imagine who it is

#suna rintarō #suna x reader #haikyuu angst #suna angst #suna rintaro x y/n #suna rintaro x reader #hq angst #hq suna #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu suna #inarizaki #miya atsumu

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alittleillusionmachinee · 2 years ago

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since everyone was so great the last time around, I have another writing challenge! (again- no pressure if you don’t want to participate, but don't be afraid to post even if you aren't a fic writer :) write a blurb/share something you've already written about Lexi telling Fez she's pregnant....

Soooo sorry this is so late anon, thank you for the prompt!! Again, this got long, so putting it under the cut. Gonna go watch pregnancy reveal videos on youtube now, it's my secret passion.

Lexi remembers the first time. Months of blissful build up, crescendoing in a sweet surrender. Surrender to the love she’d built up for this kind man, and surrender to the aching tension swelling to a breaking point one summer after her junior year. Daily phone calls led to weekly visits led to the breaking point.

They’d been tiptoeing around the things unsaid between them, the elephant in the room stomping louder and clashing pots in their faces which they steadfastly refused to acknowledge, neither wishing to be the first to succumb. Hindsight tells her they were both enjoying the game too much, knowing without acknowledging the truth. She liked him. He liked her.

But the real truth was that it was miles past like. Miles past longing. They’d inextricably woven their paths together, the bright thread of Lexi’s future slinking onwards in a lazy wave until it found Fezco’s. They knew the connection they had was not normal, not typical. Somehow or another, they would be in each other’s lives for good. Their threads wove together.

She’d like to blame the heat, but that would be a flimsy excuse. In the moment, it did feel at least partially to blame, though. Posted up on his couch for one of their movie nights, old AC working double time to keep the indoor temperature below 90, they had slumped further in his couch and further into each other. She didn’t even mind the faint sheen of sweat sticking his arm to hers, or maybe it was the other way around. The fact was, no amount of sweat would separate her from Fezco.

The comfortable contact between them did get her overly active brain thinking, though. She thought about how even here, now, sticky with perspiration, he didn’t pull away from her. About how she even found the faint smell of his sweat appealing. She decided she was tired of playing the game. She was about to make the final move, but there would be no losers.

With no preamble, she reached forward, paused the movie, and straddled his lap. He was surprised for only the second it took for her lips to crash into his. Then, well then he learned the rules of the new game fairly quickly. He even wrote some new ones, picking her up and taking her into his bedroom. That night, California heat just this side of overbearing, they discovered what making love meant in every sense of the word.

XXX

Lexi remembers the next first time as well. A few months into being the happiest girl in the world, they get overzealous and overeager and join together without protection. She loves the new sensation, and only panics slightly when they’re done. She thinks she’s in a safe zone in her cycle, though, and either way, what’s done is done. She has to get dressed to meet up with Suze for lunch, so she goes.

What she doesn’t realize, what nobody told her, is that without proper clean up, she’ll have his cum slowly leaking out of her the rest of the afternoon. She hopes there isn’t a noticeable wet spot on her pants as she tries to carry on conversation with Suze. It’s exhilarating and nerve wracking, and she wonders how Suze can’t see it all over her face. She wondered that after the first first time as well. Could Suze see I’VE HAD SEX written on her forehead clear as day? Could she see it now? She hoped her kiss-swollen lips had at least been masked by her red lipstick.

They’re lucky, and no mini Fezco’s take root in her womb.

XXX

Until now.

They’re 2 years ahead of schedule. They’re only 1 year into living in their first home, a starter home in the city before they find their farm. It’s small, but it has what they need and it’s theirs. Roots spread from their hearts to this home’s foundation. They are also only 4 months past their nuptials. A modest affair that was stressful to pull off, but so rewarding they can’t complain.

So. There’s really no reason to put off the inevitable, is there?

Lexi carefully wraps the positive test in a gift bag and waits for her husband to get home. She thinks she might bake some bread to leave in the oven as well, while she meticulously plots out their new plan. At least she gets to focus on her writing two years sooner.

She thinks she’ll have a lot to write about by then.

#fexi asks #fexi fic #i had to force myself to stop #also this is so much less about pregnancy than it is about sex lmao #this is not edited boops

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karlajoyner · 4 years ago

Text

Tease (Charlie Gillespie x Reader)

A/n: Hey guys so this was requested. I hope you guys enjoy it! And send in your own request!

Requested by: @universefangirl (Tumblr)

Warnings: Smut (18+)

————

I sighed typing away frustratedly at my computer attempting to get my work done for the night. Taking another sip of my wine I looked over to the couch to see my boyfriend scrolling through his phone.

"You know? It must be nice being a paid actor during a pandemic" I spoke catching his attention. A grin began to form on his face as he stood up making his way over to me in the kitchen.

"It has its perks. Can't say the same about you baby" He teased rubbing my shoulders. I rolled my eyes continuing to type away.

"You know you could take a break" He whispered getting near my ear.

"I can't. If I don't get this is by tonight I'm so fired"

"Fine. I'm just gonna go live for a bit. And relax afterwards. I'm pretty busy tomorrow"

"Yes Charles getting to sleep in and doing a live interview late afternoon sounds so exhausting. Meanwhile I have a term paper for English due and on top of that I have to do two more sets of these for work" I spoke holding up my papers.

"For your information I'm going on a hike tomorrow morning. Then I'm going live" He said another deep breath leaving my mouth.

"Aww baby. It's okay"

"Is it though?" I asked frustrated at his lack of sympathy. I love him and all but he seems to forget that his totally normal girlfriend works a 9 to 5 and still goes to college. And as much as I appreciate the times he said he could put in a good word for me with Kenny. I refused to be exposed in the spotlight more than I already was for being his girlfriend.

"I'm sure you can do it. You always do"

"Your right. I'm amazing. I don't know what you'd do without me" I joked trying to lighten up my own mood more than his.

"I don't either. I'd miss you too much" He said placing kisses just below my ear.

"Hmm really? Care to find out Gillespie?" I asked biting my lip. This was my opportunity to get him back where it hurt.

"What do you mean?" I smirked continuing to do my work. Without another word leaving my mouth.

“Baby. What do you mean?" He asked again standing up.

I stayed quiet as he repeated the question a few more times finishing up what I was doing. I had to get through all my stuff for school and work tonight if I wanted tomorrow to go as planned.

I woke up to the sound of birds chirping. Glancing over at the clock I smiled. On schedule. I moved over to the empty spot beside me with a grin. Charlie was really in for it today.

I quickly got up making the bed when my phone suddenly dinged. I smiled seeing it was a good miring text from Charlie himself.

“Good morning my love. Just finished my hike. On my way home with coffee.

“I'll see you in a bit baby" I read aloud. I smiled at the cute detail before continuing on with my plan.

Changing into yoga pants and a sports bra I made my way to the living room setting up for a morning workout. Something I rarely got to do since my second term started and I became ambushed with work. It'd been nearly half an hour before I heard the front door open. The smell of coffee carrying itself through the small apartment.

"Baby your awake" He stated taking in my appearance. No doubt the sweat droplets on my body making me look shiny as hell.

"Yeah. I finished all my work last night so I figured I'd have a day to myself. I did a morning work out and I'm gonna do more things I haven't done in a while" I smiled innocently.

"Mmm am I one of those things by any chance?" He smirked pulling me close. Placing a kiss to my sweaty forehead.

"You wish. Actually I invited y/b/n over. We were thinking of painting to clear our minds"

"Oh but you can't paint looking like this. So sweaty. So wet" He whispered rubbing circles on my hips.

"Yeah I'll probably hop in the shower in a bit" I grinned before pulling away to go finish my workout.

“You know I need to shower too. What if we hop in together? To save water"

"Um I don't know. Can you keep your hands to yourself Gillespie?" I asked bending down in front of him to stretch.

"I can't answer that" He growled coming to stand behind me. As soon I felt his hands on my waist I stood up turning around to face him.

"Tsk Tsk Tsk" I whispered pulling back.

“What baby? Why won't you let me touch you?" He whined.

"Because it's my only free day and I'm going to enjoy it babe" I said placing a chaste kiss on the corner of his lips before walking away.

"Where are you going?" He called.

"To shower"

"Can I join?"

"If you can keep your hands away" I heard him groan as I shut the bathroom door behind me. Giggling to myself I entered the shower washing myself down.

Purposely forgetting to bring in an outfit. Knowing Charlie didn't enter for a reason I called out for him after I was clean.

"Charlie!" I shouted waiting for him to come in.

"Yes baby?"

"Can you bring me some clothes please?”I asked peeking my head out the curtain.

"Can I touch you?" He asked.

"Uh how about no"

"Then no" He said hoping that would get a reaction out of me. It didn't.

"Fine. If you insist" I spoke shutting the water off. Within a matter of seconds I exited the shower. Feeling his eyes piercing through me.

"Close your mouth. Your gonna catch flies" I said wrapping my towel around my body.

"Mm baby you don't know what your doing to me" He moaned out.

"I don't? Or do I?" I asked opening the door further so I could slip past him. Heading to the bedroom I smiled to myself knowing it was working.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Rushing over I peeked through the hole to see y/b/n standing there. Thankful both of our COVID tests came out negative I smiled welcoming her inside.

"Hey y/n/n"

"Y/b/n!" I shouted happy to see her after so long.

"So how's he doing?" She asked knowing all about my plan.

"Not good. I love him I really do but paybacks a bitch. I can't wait til his interview" I smirked walking her to my room.

I was quick to change into a cute matching set with only one of his band shirts layering on top.

"Wow. He's gonna be drooling"

"That's the plan. Thanks for doing this again"

"Its no problem. What are best friends for? Just promise me you'll give me every detail tomorrow. You know after he breaks"

"I promise" I said as we both giggled exiting the room. We made our way towards the living room pulling out the supplies she had brought over for our eventful day.

Y/b/n and I enjoyed each other's company for a while. Catching up on our new quarantine rituals. It wasn't long before Charlie came out of the restroom completely shirtless with only a towel wrapped around his waist. I bit my lip coming back to reality when y/b/n bumped my shoulder.

"Y/b/n. You're here" Charlie said running his fingers through his hair. He knew what he was doing.

"Yeah. I came to spend time with my best friend. Did you see her today by the way?" Y/b/n said taking my hand and playfully spinning me around. I chuckled at her antics realizing she'd done it on purpose to give him a full view of what I was wearing. If something drove Charlie Gillespie crazy. It was me wearing his band tees.

"I didn't. Thank you for that" Charlie spoke sending daggers through me.

"I hope you don't mind. I barrowed your shirt to paint. I can change if you wa-"

"No! No no baby keep it on. It looks amazing on you" He said a small smile playing at his lips.

"Thanks baby. When's your interview?"

"In like 20 minutes. I'm gonna go get ready"

"Sounds good. We'll be on the balcony painting. That good?"

"Of course baby" I smiled walking out on the hard cemented area placing down our stuff.

We specifically chatted those 20 minutes waiting for Charlie to come out of the bedroom.

"I'm going live" Charlie called through the screen door.

"Okay good luck" I called back. I saw him send me a wink before setting up his phone where the sun was hitting him perfectly.

"This is perfect" I whispered to y/b/n as we pulled out our paints.

"I know. I can't believe he set himself up right there" She whispered back. I giggled pulling out the pastel pink from the bag.

"Charlie!" I heard the interviewer shout. My boyfriend clearly estatic.

"Hey man what's up?"

"What's up with me? What's up with you? Your our first cast member of the day. So for starters we wanna know what's up with you?"

"Nothing much man. I mean I've been writing a lot recently"

"Oh yeah can we be expecting any music coming out soon away from the Julie and the Phantoms band?"

"Uh no. That's kind of where I'm at right now which is amazing you know? Working with such great cast and bandmates it's great"

"Sounds like it. So where do you get inspiration from during this whole new situation we're in? It must get boring"

"Uh it does at times when I'm alone. Which is rare since I've been quarantining with my girlfriend. She's amazing company and overall my biggest inspiration"

"Girlfriend? Are you guys at her place or yours?"

"Hers man. I didn't wanna disturb her peace but she insisted and it's just been amazing. I love her" He said my heart fluttering at his words. I looked over at y/b/n to see her smirking at me.

"What about your cast? Do they know her?"

"Oh yeah. Like my family, they absolutely love her which is great. You know their approval means a lot to me so it's nice that everyone gets along with her just fine"

"That's good to hear so moving back to your music" The interviewer continued changing subjects. With his wholesome answers I almost felt bad denying him my touch today. And almost felt bad what I'd be doing next.

Almost.

After about 15 minutes I began to laugh at nothing signalling it was go time. I glanced back see Charlie staring up at us. Clearly trying to focus on the interviewer speaking. Clearly.

"Stop!" I whisper shouted at my best friend who splattered pain on me. I repeated her actions earning a giggle from the girl.

Suddenly I felt a cold sensation hit me. She had thrown our water cup at me in return I splattered more paint towards her. Trying to stay as quiet as possible.

"No yeah thanks man. I had fun" I heard Charlie say. Signifying the interview was nearly over.

"No thank you. Charlie Gillespie everyone. Up next Owen Patrick Joyner!" The man shouted before the living room went silent.

"Done?" I asked turning back to look indoors. The door screen being the only thing between us and the indoors.

"Yeah. What happened?"

"I don't know y/b/n what did happened?" I asked the girl in a teasing voice. Moving back slowly letting the sun hit my body. The white shirt on my body becoming see through.

"Cover up baby"

"Y/b/n doesn't mind right babe?" I asked her.

"Nope. We've been best friends forever Charles. I know her inside out. I also know you should probably get changed out of that"

"Or I could just do this" I replied removing the shirt from my body altogether. I watched as Charlie's jaw dropped in surprised.

"Cute set. Victoria secret?"

"Pink" I answered walking into the living room.

"Huh. I would've never guessed. Oh shoot it's already 5:00 o'clock? I should get going. I have to get to Dylan's house. Do you need help cleaning up?"

"No!" Charlie shouted before I could answer.

"No. We've got it y/b/n. No worries"

"Thanks guys" She smiled pulling me into a hug then Charlie. I watched as he walked her towards the door.

Not knowing which one was rushing more him or her.

"Thanks for coming!" I called out grabbing some paper towels to wipe off the water still on my body.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Charlie asked once the door shut.

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You've been such a bad girl"

“Me?" I asked looking behind me jokingly knowing I was the only one here.

"Teasing me all damn day. Having y/b/n come over to be a cock block. And then pulling that little stunk during my interview"

"I don't know what your going on about Charles. I didn't know y/b/n name was gonna- Ahhh" I squealed feeling his strong arms wrap around me from behind lifting me up.

"Charlie!" I shouted as he carried me towards the bedroom.

"Yes?" He questioned when he put me down on the bed gently.

"Seriously?" I asked ask he removed his shirt.

"Seriously" He confirmed moving in to kiss me. It was gentle at first but that gentleness soon became hunger. From both ends we fought for dominance. Tired of fighting I gave in as he pushed me further up the bed.

"Charlie please" I pleaded beginning to palm him through his jeans. Feeling him get harder by the second.

"Tsk tsk tsk. Not yet" He whispered making me whine. He chuckled before speaking once more in a hushed tone.

"Now are you gonna tell daddy exactly why you teased him all day?" I groaned knowing there was no way of getting out of this one.

"Nope" I said hoping to move on.

"Mm I don't like the sound of that" He said removing his jeans. I moaned seeing his full body. He was too hot for his own good.

"Now are you gonna tell me or should I return the punishment" I internally groaned not in the mood to be teased.

"I-I just feel like you forget sometimes that I have so much on my plate. And maybe sometimes you could be insensitive about it" I muttered the last part hoping he wouldn't hear. But judging by his features softening he had heard every word.

"I make you feel that way?" he asked caressing my cheek.

"Not all the time but yeah sometimes"

"Baby. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" He mumbled placing soft kisses on my lips.

"I guess I just forget sometimes that you have so much to do. I just wanna spend all my time with you since that's all I have. I also guess offering to pay for things like your college doesn't help either when your girlfriends independent"

"And capable of doing everything on her own. Including paying for her school and home necessities. I mean it's a nice gesture baby but I'd just appreciate it if maybe you could take a step back and realize I'm only human. And not everyone wants to become an actor. I'm studying really hard to get to where I wanna be. And even if I'm working a boring desk job right now I won't be in the future"

"I know baby and I'm so proud of you for that you know that right?"

"Of course Charlie. And I know your my number one supporter just like I'm your number one fan" I said as he placed small kisses on my nose.

"Good....So you did all this today to get back at me?"

"Well yeah I wanted to have fun. But it's no fun when I too need to resist the urge to jump on you when you come out of the shower shirtless"

"Yeah about that I didn't know y/b/n was here or I wouldn't have walked out like that"

"I know baby. But now that we're alone so can we please just-" My words were cut off by his lips once more.

Giggling at his eagerness I began to palm him through his boxers once more.

"You don't know the things you do to me baby" He whispered pulling my bra down letting my breast fall free. I moaned as he began to suck on the left one and toying with the right one.

"God I missed these"

"Charlie please hurry up" I spoke. He didn't hesitate to remove my panties and his boxers immediately lining himself up at my entrance.

"You've been taking your birth control right?"

"Of course you idiot"

"Ooo aggressive much"

"Charlie if you don-" My words were cut off by a moan as he entered me. Not hesitating to start moving at a steady pace.

"Charlie" I moaned wrapping my legs around his waist.

"Faster"

"I'm so close baby"

"Me too" I panted as he sped up. His thrust becoming sloppier by the second.

"I'm gonna-" He groaned being the first to release. My climax coming not long after. I sighed as we rode our our highs together.

"I love you baby" Charlie said standing up and cleaning me off with a t-shirt of his.

"I love you too" I said as he finally came to lay next to me. Pulling the covers over us.

"You do know I really am proud of you right?"

"I don't know I think you need to prove it to me" I halfheartedly joked.

"If you insists" He whispered pulling me in for a sweet tender kiss.

Time slowing down as we spent the night tangled in each other's arms. Enjoying each other's company. Each other's love.

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everafterkeiji · 4 years ago

Text

Song: Certain Things by James Arthur

Summary: When the setter's decision led him to a war with his heart.

Pairings: Keiji Akaashi x fem! reader

Word count: 5.3k

Genre: angst

A/N: i used to listen to this song nonstop and it just suited how sad this is so no happy endings for this one🤺

"Keiji!"

You watch as she runs up to him, engulfing him in the sweetest hug you could ever imagine. How you envy the feeling of being welcome in his arms. His eyes soften at the sight of her, as she rambled on how amazing he was. He gives her his heart fluttering smile as he lets his palm set on her shoulder, kindly thanking her for watching and supporting him throughout the entire game.

Did your shouts of love become silent to him?

She grabs his towel, patting it lightly on his forehead as he blushes finding the gesture extremely embarassing for the girl he longs for to just wipe away his sweat. He tries to stop her but she insisted, even grabbing her water bottle and giving it to him, asking him to drink some water and rest.

"Hey hey hey- look at me please."

Bokuto says, coming from behind you. You turn to him with water baring eyes, a heartache eating you up with every second you continue to watch. Bokuto sighs as he pulls you in his arms, his chin resting on your crown, as he caresses your hair as you let out an agonizing sob. Bokuto sees the way Akaashi didn't bother to spare them a glance, as Akaashis overall being was captivated by the girl that was beside him. He coes her, whispering how he's got her and he'll never have the courage to let her go, the way the dark haired boy did.

"We won today yeah? Why don't we celebrate?" Bokuto tries to tone his voice in his usual cheery self but feels defeated when he sees her. Y/N looks up at him, he tenses up as he holds your head, an instinct that you were going to look again. You were mid way into letting your eyes land on them but Bokuto stopped you as he held your face in his palm, looking at you with an expression you were well familiar with.

"Y/N."

" 'Taro, shit I'm sorry!" You shouted before wiping away your eyes as his heart winces seeing his friend poorly attempt to regain the sunshine that she once was. Puffed cheeks, swollen eyes, red tinted nose, what a cruel sight yet she dared to cover all of these with a smile. It was disgusting how she made it look so believable, fooling almost everyone that witnessed her little facade. Bokuto falling for it countless of times but has learned to tell the difference every now and then, fitting in for the spot of her once best friend who knew exactly what she was truly feeling.

Akaashi would've read her like a novel he loved but it seems like it wasn't as timeless anymore.

It was now up to Bokuto to handle the shattered girl, even when her own broken heart pierced through her like a knife everyday.

"I-I know a good place to eat at! Maybe then I can treat you for being my favorite ace?" She offers with a sickening chuckle. She was achingly trying. He only gives her a smile, accepting her efforts of hiding how empty she felt. He lets his arm fall on her shoulders, comforting her with everything he can do.

"Oh! I'd like that, kind of like a double date huh? Seems like I get to treat my favorite setter too!" Akemi states, eyes darting towards Akaashi as he becomes flustered with her words. Bokutos eyebrow furrows, and with a pout he tries to insist that you didn't want her to accompany them, but you let your arm come before him as he questions your decisions.

"Sure! The more the merrier right, Ko?" Akemi claps her hand as she gathers her things, Akaashi doing the same. Bokuto takes notice of your longing gaze as he pulls you with him.

"So is that right? I'm your favorite?" Bokuto teases, as you laugh punching him lightly on his shoulder. He chuckles but was taken by surprise as you wrap your arms around his neck, standing on your tip toes to reach him. He immediately wraps his arms around your waist as you pat his hair, nuzzling your face in his neck as you smile, feeling gratitude for an amazing friend like him.

"You were fantastic earlier, I'm sorry for being so-" Bokuto cuts you off with a shout of triumph, making you confused as he pulls away. He wouldn't let her continue her sentence, knowing he couldn't stand hearing her blame herself for something she couldn't handle.

"Ah! What a starter! Thanks Y/N! No wonder I'm the best huh?" He shouts closing his eyes, putting his hands on his hips smiling to himself. You laugh, enjoying how it fed his confidence. Akaashi turns to the two of you watching how Bokuto oddly portray his muscles as you laugh loudly. Akemi smiles beside him, finding the duo quite suited for each other

"They should date! Bokuto makes her so happy!" She claims, as Akaashi blinks, shaking his head turning to meet her green eyes.

"She hates guy who shows off their muscles like that. She think's its a bit cocky." Akemi laughs at Akaashi, since what he said sounded like a known fact.

"Maybe everything can change when she's with him."

She states, making his eyes widen. Impossible. She can't just switch her words just because of Bokuto. He says to himself. Once he hears how genuine your laugh was and realizes that the ace was the cause of it, he stiffens at the thought of the you and the captain together. Akaashi was the one to introduce you to him so it was a surprise you two would come together like that, especially when he felt how Bokuto adjusted to you quite quickly.

"Ooh Y/N likes that color! Will you get it for her, Akaashi?!" Bokuto asks, pointing excitedly at a plush toy. Akaashis blue eyes turned to the location where the finger was pointed and he smiles seeing an immensely cute plush toy he knew you would love but this glee ends when he realizes that Bokuto managed to remember your favorite color.

"Bokuto-san, I'm impressed you knew what she liked." He said with an amused smile. The other boys eyes glimmered in the moonlight, remembering your past conversations with him.

"It's easy! Y/N always talk about many things and it's so freaking awesome. You've known her for the longest time right 'Kaashi? She's so cool." His words bring a smile to the setters lips, loving how Bokuto got along with you so well.

"Oh wait! Akaashi!"

"Yes, Bokuto-san?"

"Well! You've been with her since you were young right? So that means.. you like her!"

Akaashi coughs on his water looking at Bokuto. Bokutos cackle echoed through the air and his words consuming Akaashi's thoughts.

"I do like her but not romantically ok?" He defends, but Bokuto let's out a displeased scoff skipping ahead of the flustered setter. Happily moving knowing he's got him on a hot seat.

"That can change Akaashi!"

And it did.

For Y/N to watch Akemi casually serve Akaashi his food, it was like being tortured in a chamber or watching it to make your brain rot. They look perfect, she thinks. Bokuto was eating happily beside him, and setting aside how hurt she was, she chose to ignore the throbbing of her heart. Akaashi was in front of her as Akemi was in front of Bokuto. The two were in well conversation as Bokuto tried to gather your attention while he brings up how excited he was for a new move.

Dropping your chopsticks, you curse as you got out of your chair to bend down and reach it. Grabbing it in your hands as you look up to see a hand covering the sharp corner of the table. Your eyes follow it and realizing it was Akaashis hand, protecting you if you were to hit your head. This minimal effort was enough to set your soul on fire, admiring how he was able to act so quickly and composed. You return to your seat, Akaashi watching you steadily to make sure you were back. You give him a nod, thanking him for being observant as he smiles to you instead.

Just maybe.

You feel the rising heat on your cheeks as you sip water, hoping it were to ease your frantic heart. You observe Akemi, and painfully suck in the harsh truth that you couldn't deny. Everything that Akaashi has told you about his dream girl, the list of expectations he's had, it was all her. The embodiment of what Akaashi wants to hold, to love and to keep. You hear how her laughter sounded like gentle music, even her personality radiated nothing but sunshine.

All you can do was sigh, when a dream like her already has captured the heart of the young boy you grew to love.

She drops her phone, somewhat mirroring your actions beforehand. Akaashi turns to her immediately, as your heart took another strike seeing him mimic the same actions he had with you. Hand covering the edge, with a gentle hand on her back as she picks up the device leaving you stranded in strings of pain. She smiles at him, casually resting her hand on his as a thank you. Akaashi immediately blushes before placing his other hand on top, eyes lovingly holding onto hers.

The string of hope that you held on for dear life, immediately broke as you let the cup of water fall from your hands, taking an excruciating hit as you were brought back to the silent beating of your heart.

I'm certain that I'm yours.

Or at least I thought.

Bokuto calls your name multiple times as he frantically wipes the spillage of the water that was on the table and on your attire. You felt towels pat your lap gently as Bokuto still continued to put effort in grabbing your attention. Akemi looks at you concerned, worried for whatever thought that you had in mind was enough for you to completely lose your grip on reality.

"Y/N, hey!"

"I didn't think I'd be able to stay with you this long, Y/N." He says with a smile as you walk with him. It was early in the morning, both on your way to school. Coffee in both hands as you give him a pout, finding his statement in a different tone.

"You make it sound like you're unfortunate." You joke as Akaashi laughs beside you, sipping coffee before letting out a satisfied sigh.

"You've been with me even before I got in Fukurodani. I'm just really happy I've found somebody to turn to." You smile as your fingers brush against each other in which at the contact made you both blush. All the tension that was held in the moment was a bunch of unheard confessions, both unwilling to let them speak.

"I'm lucky I have you too, Kei."

"Seems like someone isn't technically happy of sharing the spotlight with me." Akaashi teases pointing at a very sleepy Bokuto who was walking up to you two.You giggle at the setter, while his blue eyes stayed on your smiling lips, relieved that it didn't fail to make him smile as well.

"Y/N."

A stern voice makes your gloomy eyes trail over to a pair of blue ones you were addicted to.

"Y/N? What's wrong with you? You made a mess." He says, completely knocking you off your limit. You stood up, hands on the table with your head down as Bokuto grunts knowing exactly what was bound to happen.

"I'm sorry Akaashi."

"That was reckless. You could've spilled it all over us, even Akemi-"

Bokuto winces when the name slips off of Akaashis lips as you hastily grab your wallet placing the money to Bokuto and mumbling a sorry before rushing to leave, tears falling from your tired eyes once you were out of the restaurant. Bokuto observes the way Akaashis eyes remained enlarged when it hit him how harsh he was. The captain wished that this worry of Akaashi would last long, since this was his first time seeing the setter show any concern for the poor girl in such a long time.

"Bokuto, will she be alright?" Akemi asks him, as he lets out a shrug of defeat. Akaashi bit his lip feeling the responsibility of his actions weigh on both him and the ace. He knew that Bokuto would never be able to comfort her the way he does, and reading her expressions when she left, reassuring her wouldn't be as easy.

Because he was the reason why she was hurting, not even realizing the damage has been done too many times already.

Your feet felt like weights as you ran, feeling the burn of guilt pass through you. On your way to pick up some snacks and refreshments for their match, a certain sight caught your eye leading you to your current decision.

"Yes thank you!" You say with a smile before, leaving the store with the things you bought. You rub your eyes, hating how early you had to catch a bus for their match. This was your only chance to watch them again since you avoided Akaashi for days, making Bokuto your company. You apologized dozens of times to Bokuto for leaving him in an awkward situation. Of course he forgave you, deciding to treat you to a movie instead to erase your worry.

Suddenly a familiar voice spikes up your interest, your head turning left and right to find Akemi. Instead, a tall man walks pass you carrying a bag that you've seen multiple times. You shrug, not wanting to lead to conclusions knowing how Akemi was genuine with her admiration for Akaashi.

"Haru-san!"

Akemi greets, arms wrapped around the waist of the man. You turn to see the two hugging and you gripped the plastic bag in your hands, as Haru places a gentle kiss on her forehead making you stunned even more.

"So where we going later?" He asks, as you lower your head, trying to control your breathing. This is impossible. How could she just lead him on like that! You despised how you weren't able to save Akaashi from the beginning, and now it was your turn to drop a heavy bomb on your best friend.

"We'll meet up later okay? I'll just attend my friend's match."

Friends.

You immediately walked away, weakened at what she just said. No matter shape or form, Akaashi would be hurt, completely. It hurt you that you'd have to see the painful expression on Akaashis face. You bit your lip, trying to avoid the look of dismay on your best friend. You let out a sad sigh as you began to pick up the pace in your walk.

Is it his turn to feel hopeless?

You've tried your best to avoid him. The tension being unresolved between the two of you yet you were happy Akaashi understood why you've created distance between you and him.

Knowing the two were inseparable, you were the one to adjust whenever Bokuto would be heading to practice or even going to lunch. Although, Akaashi gave you some space knowing his outburst completely set a different side to your friendship. You two have never really fought in such a way, he knew even if it was a small fight there was a distinct aura that surrounded the two of you. Beyond what happened, he knew you were facing some other problem that he was clueless of and him adding to your issues wasn't helping the both of you.

So whenever the dark haired boy saw you bid goodbye to Bokuto whenever he was on his way to approach the captain, it stung in his heart.

Akaashi sighs beside Bokuto. Koutaro was prepping himself up completely, pressing his palms to his cheeks. They were up to play soon and the blue eyed boy wonders if she would be able to make it back in time. While he wonders about you, his mind swerves to Akemi. He finds himself foolishly smiling at the thought of them holding hands at the restaurant so he looks at his phone, finding her contact and glancing at their photo.

Next to her contact was yours, which he was hesitant to tap on. He shuts off his phone before seeing Bokuto wave frantically with a smile on his face. Akaashi looks at you, eyes shining knowing you made it just in time to bid him goodluck and hopefully to clear up the quarrel. You felt your heart leap with every step, a war in your head in how you were going to tell him. Your hands tightened as you walk over to them, Bokuto patting your head showing how delighted he was that you were there. Akaashi wonders if you could even spare him a glance.

" 'Taro! I have your snacks but- promise me you'll be the best out there and maybe I'll treat you later!" You say as Bokuto punches the air, his mind in a frenzy at the scenario in his head of eating his favorite food.

You turn to Akaashi, shakily grabbing his arm as he stiffens at your sudden contact. He looks at your weary eyes as you desperately tried to calm down.

"Keiji, can we talk?" Why did you say it like that? He asks himself. His name has never sounded so troublesome before. He fidgets with his fingers as he trails behind you as you lead him to a more private place. You felt the shivers reach your body, immediately bringing coldness at how anxious you were. This was the first time in days where you two would be able to converse properly again.

As you make your way to a corner, Akaashis feet was tapping furiously, scared of what you were going to say. He waits for you to speak as he watches you take a deep breath as you hold his arm once again. Softer than before but it felt like a desperate touch.

"Kei- you do trust me right?" Akaashi nods immediately, lips frowning at the tone of her voice. Is she going to leave me? Please say no. He wanted to get this over with so he wonders if you were just going to rip off the bandaid and end the friendship even if he was willing to apologize multiple times. But then, how could you end it just because he was right about being reckless?

"Akemi- she has a boyfriend, Keiji-"

"You came.. to tell me this?"

"Akaashi- I-I know you like her but"

"God Y/N how could you.." Akaashi exclaims as you aggresively run your fingers through your hair, before grabbing his jacket trying to make him stay. He stands there in shock, as rage and envy flow through him overwhelming him in the process. His hands form a ball as it tightens quickly at the thought of how Akemi was just being nice all the time.

Akaashi looks at you only to find truth in your eyes but his heart betrays the both of you, now broken and in denial that the girl he adored was dating somebody that wasn't him.

"Akaashi, please listen to me! I don't want you to get hurt..believe me!" You pleaded, throwing away how hurt you were from the drastic change in his tone.

"Hurt? So you think you're being considerate then?" Akaashi questions her with spite in his tone. His demeanor towering over her as she crumbles at his voice. Akaashis heart coming back to the reason why it was guarded in the first place.

"Keiji.. you know that's not what I mean!" You defended yourself as Akaashi scoffs. It was mocking you how composed he looked yet the tone of his voice was laced with pure hatred. Deep down, Akaashi accepted the fact that he could never really win Akemi but he was blinded by the pain that you brought him.

"You're just jealous, Y/N. Stop lying." He continued, making you shake your head as you tried to grasp his jacket again but this time your hands barely touched the fabric making your heart gasp at how Akaashi was out of your grip.

"I didn't know you could pull off being a liar, and I don't see myself being a friend with a trait like yours."

The tears flowed down your cheeks as you let out a shakey breath, in disbelief at what he just said. I'm not lying, Akaashi. You promised me you trusted me.

"You said you t-trusted me, Akaashi! How could that change for you!" You shouted as he was brought back to Akemis words.

"Maybe everything can change."

"You promise I'll be okay?"

"I've got no reason to doubt you." He says smiling as you lean your head on his shoulder, tracing random lines and doodling away on his soft skin. Under the beautiful tree, with purple painted skies with clouds up above. After a stressful day on your side, the setter took notice of how you've let yourself fall onto your insecurities once again so he took it upon himself and brought you to a silent place to show you how you shouldn't worry about anything, comforting you with his kind words and him trusting you that would be able to regain your old self again.

"Certain things hurt and you're my only virtue." You confess as his heart spikes up its speed with your response. You sat up, gazing at the houses who seemed too tiny from your distance. You held your knees to your chest with lips formed in a relaxed state as you lean on your arm that was on top of your knee.

And I'm virtually yours.

Akaashi remained with his back on the grass as he admired your features wondering how you could ever put yourself down, when you took away his words whenever you were with him, hiding it perfectly and keeping his admiration far from you to avoid the continous breaking of his heart knowing he'd betray your beloved friendship.

I adore you, he thinks to himself as the only thing that reflected in his eyes were the girl he's lost to his wrong decision.

"You changed and it's disappointing. All because of jealousy? I've been with you for so long, how did you become selfish?"

Selfish. I must've been crazy then, you think. You let out a bitter chuckle, Akaashi frightened at this side of you you've yet to show him before. It was like poison consuming your body, in which the poison came in the form of his words.

"All I've ever been is selfless, god I even let you fall for someone else when I've been in love with you for years."

You took a step back as Akaashi stood where he was, feeling as if his feet couldn't leave the floor as he lets himself drown in your confession. He gulps as he was struck with regret since he had no idea how to respond to you. His eyes trail to the floor as he struggles to find the words.

Then the battle began, between in what he knows whose right for you and his heart who wanted no one else but you.

He was miserable. A side of him wanted to say how much he's waited for you to bid those words to him and claim that he's felt the same as you, but the other side wanted to badly decline knowing he was stuck in choosing you and Akemi. Akemi who has effortlessly tugged on his heart strings and gained it with her gentleness and beautiful personality, and you who's promised to stay forever and loved him longer than anyone else has.

Don't make me choose on who I love more.

He knew the time would come where his decisions would bare another heavy mark on him. He's already made a terrible one by putting his heart in the hands of Akemis instead of yours. He wishes there wasn't a deadline to this difficult decision, but to him it seemed like if he doesn't choose now, he'd feel the pain everyday.

"AKAASHI! LET'S GO!" Bokuto screams as Akaashi turns his eyes to you in a swift move, finding your eyes covered in tears but how come you looked like you felt nothing? You sniffle as you give him a warm smile, a reaction he didn't want to see knowing it wasn't a smile that could bring him joy.

"Goodluck, Akaashi."

He takes a step forward trying to capture you in his arms but Bokuto grabs him by the arm pulling him away from you, Bokuto saying goodbye to you as well and reminding you the promise you gave him. That moment, all that Akaashi wanted to was run and replace the silence he gave you. You deserved to hear what he truly felt, but his words were trapped as he still had to examine if he was choosing the right ones.

But he ran out of time.

The game starts and he prays for his performance to be at his usual best. Once Bokuto had the setter to himself, Akaashi couldn't hold back and told him what happened. Bokuto felt horrible for both of you, while feeling revengeful to Akemi since he too fell for her sweet gestures to Akaashi thinking that she actually liked him. Importantly, Bokuto badly wanted to be there for you. He knew how much you liked him so for you to confess so suddenly during your argument, it had the grey haired boy worried about you.

He couldn't blame Akaashi, as much as he wanted to. He acted in a way because he was suffering, but they didn't realize they both were. Though, he wished Akaashi could've treated her better, believed her. Bokuto believed her the minute Akaashi told him, and it was because he trusted her completely and she wouldn't speak out without a reason meanwhile Akaashi chose to hold onto denial.

And as they play, Akaashi looks over to the stands, searching for you when he came upon Akemis. The pretty girl with an arm wrapped around her shoulder as Akaashi loses the ball in his hands from the view.

"Akaashi, please listen to me! I don't want you to get hurt..believe me!"

"You said you t-trusted me, Akaashi! How could that change for you!"

Like the ball falling to the floor, his heart went along with it.

Scream. That's what he wanted to do. How absurd of him to get it wrong twice, there shouldn't even be any room for mistakes. I can't believe I lost her..again. Akaashi thinks. There was a painful ache in his heart, yet he couldn't set it free not wanting to let down the team. Especially in a match like this. He wanted to break, to land on the ground and let his consciousness scold him for hours. He deserved it. He should've learned but he was trapped inside a world where he thought Akemi would've been his everything, when he was blind to how powerful his love for you all this time.

Come back to me.

"Akaashi!" Bokutos hand reach his shoulder and all he could do was stare at a pair of blank eyes. Before the ace could ask what happened, Akaashi was clutching on to Bokutos jersey harshly taking the older boy by surprise.

"She was right." Akaashi utters as he points to the crowd making Bokuto squint just to find where Akemi was. Once he finds them, he sighs sadly before trying to come up with a response to cheer the boy up. It was obvious that Akaashi was too affected to perform properly. Lip quivering as if his world was destroyed twice.

"Doesn't that mean the only thing you can come back to is Y/N?"

Akaashi looks up to him, confused. Bokuto patted the boys shoulder with a soft smile.

"Look over there." This time, it was Bokutos turn to point to the other side of the stands to see you glancing over them. Akaashis eyes glimmered at the sight of you, like life was brought to him in an instant. Happiness couldn't be the only word to describe his emotions.

You were watching.

And he was going to win. Just for you.

This brings him a massive wave of energy, not digging into his thoughts. You smile wiping your heavy eyes seeing him back to his usual self. In his heart he was happy but a mistake shouldn't be rewarded by a smile.

Sticking to his promise, they won but an unfamiliar feeling sets in his skin making him stop in his tracks making Bokuto look behind him to see Akaashi with his hand on top of his chest and eyes straight to the floor. Bokuto grips the phone in his hand, biting his lip and looking down, his heart aching as well.

"Bokuto-san, where is she?" His voice cracks, a tear finally escaping his eyes. He lets out a soft sniffle looking everywhere for a trace of you. Bokuto just shakes his head as a response and Akaashis eyes widen as he harshly wipes away his tears with the sleeve of his jacket. Written in his lips and eyes, Akaashi was exhausted. At first, he thought that letting go of his emotions would be the answer but now he was letting them free yet he didn't wanna scream anymore. He already felt his throat dry at the realization.

"Doesn't that mean the only thing you can come back to is Y/N?"

You sank in your seat, numb to how wet your cheeks were from the continous flow of your tears. Your chest was heaving up and down but your eyes were already closed with tight lips pressed into a line. There were certain things you wish you could've done, but staying wasn't an option when you've gone through multiple battles already. This was the last straw.

Even if you did wanted to fight for him, would he do the same?

You let out a sigh as you open your eyes seeing the road and reminiscing on your last walk with Akaashi.

"What's her name again?" You ask, kicking a rock to the side before shoving your hands inside the pocket of your blazer. Akaashi smiles out of bliss at the thought of her smile and once you've got a glimpse of his expression, you question the drop in your heartbeat as you see him blush before fidgeting with his fingers.

"Akemi." He says, his heart beating loudly. Saying her name already brought the setter in touch with his emotions. It was unlikely for him to feel his heart flutter, but being around Akemi brought him to smile whenever she was there, get anxious to respond to her, and get a flush on his cheeks at the thought of her moments with him.

The name rings in your ears as you were greeted by the silencing beat of your heart. You watch as he turns to you since you've trailed behind him. You visualize how you've seen him with Akemi during lunch and that's when you knew.

It's never going to be me, is it?

"Let's go, Bokuto-san." Bokuto bit his lip, waiting for you to go to them and proving him it was all a prank.

"Akaashi-"

"She left already and I-" His voice breaks making Bokuto gaze at him in pain.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make her stay, Akaashi." Bokuto whispers. Akaashi drags his sleeve to his eyes again, hating how his eyes grew heavy with the tears that escaped his sorrowful blue ones. With a tragic wound embedded in his heart, he spoke.

"I couldn't either."

#haikyu x reader #haikyuu!!#akaashi keiji #akaashi angst #haikyuu akaashi #akaashi x you #bokuto x reader #hinata shouyou #nishinoya x reader #sugawara x y/n #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima x reader #daichi sawamura x reader #hinata x reader #akaashi x reader #hq akaashi

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myhockeyworld87 · 4 years ago

Text

Ruined - Jamie Benn - Part 4

Word Count: 8,133

POV: Jamie and then switches to reader

Warnings: Language, small amount of smut so we will say NSFW

Notes: This is hell long, I’m sorry. I don’t normally write chapter/parts this long, so don’t get used to it, because I’m sure it won’t last...haha! At any rate here we go with Part 4. As always I love your feedback, both good and bad, so hit me with it. Happy Reading! Also (Y/NN) = Your Nickname (Y/LN) = Your Last Name

Ruined Masterlist

JAMIE POV

Five days, that's how long it was until you saw (Y/N) again. Well, it was four days, sixteen hours, twenty-two minutes, and forty-two seconds, give or take a second or two. And why did you know the exact time, only because you'd been counting the hours since she left Jordie and Jessi's house. The dinner party had gone great, at least you thought it had, but then you hadn't seen her since then; not even a glimpse of her outside in the backyard or pulling into the driveway. It was maddening or maybe it was just you slowly going insane as every little noise outside had you wandering over to the window to check and see if it was her. It hadn't taken much to convince your brother to throw a dinner party on short notice, in an excuse so you could see (Y/N), but now that you had, there was just this overwhelming need to see more and more of her.

Now, here you were, just four days, sixteen hours, twenty-four minutes, and sixteen seconds from seeing her again. She was to be at the practice center at four-thirty today, so that someone, that someone being you, of course, could show her around the facility. You stood back a bit, staring at the entrance doors just waiting for her to walk in. And then she did. She looked radiant. Dressed in a simple navy pantsuit with a pair of high heels that clicked across the floor, she made her way to the front desk. Instead of rushing out to greet her, you headed back to the locker room, where you knew the receptionist would usher her back to you.

Your palms were sweating and suddenly you felt unsure of yourself. What if she was only playing nice at Jordie's and really didn't want to be around you? But that didn't explain how she'd laughed and reminisced with you about different things. That laugh, you knew it was a genuine one, for you heard it so many times in your dreams you had it memorized. God, you hoped you could make her laugh like that again today.

You could hear her heels on the floor, so you busied yourself with one of your sticks retaping the blade, even though it didn't need it. "The team captain is in there, Miss. If you need anything just let me know." You heard the door open and then turned around.

"Jamie?"

"Oh hey (Y/NN)," you tried to sound casual as if her simply being in the same room as you didn't send your heart beating into overdrive.

"I guess I didn't realize you were the team's captain."

"Yeah, have been for a few years now." Your heart sank a bit in the knowledge that she hadn't really followed your career except to know where you were, so she could avoid you.

"Well that's…," she stumbled on her words which was unusual for her and you wondered if she was as affected by you as you were by her, or if it was just her disdain for you, and that she hated to give you any amount of praise. "That's really amazing. Your coaches and team must really hold you in high regard."

"I'd like to think so." You finally abandoned the stick that didn't need taping, leaning it against the wall before turning your attention back to (Y/N). "Anyhow, I guess I'm your tour guide today." She gave a weak smile and a simple head nod, which was not encouraging to say the least. "So, how about we get started? If you want you can leave your stuff in here, no one will bother it." She'd been carrying her medical bag and a few other things, but she handed them over to you and you set them in your stall. "Well, as you can see this is our practice locker room, pretty basic. I thought we'd start with a tour of the entire place before I show you the training room."

The two of you headed down the hallway and back out to the lobby. "Obviously, you came in this way, but I'll show you the entrance you can use in the future. We're pretty much contained to this side of the building as you can see, but when practices are open, people can come and watch." You showed her the rink, from seat level, then headed back out. "This is the club lounge, if there's ever an event here where we aren't skating we use one of the boxes up there. You're more than welcome to as well."

"I have to say this is kind of elaborate for a practice rink."

"A bit."

"I was expecting metal bleachers and…well, I don't know. I feel like this is more like the arena and then a practice rink."

You chuckled, for you kind of thought the same thing, the first time you came here. Now you barely even noticed it. "Well, the boards are the same as the AAC, but other than that it's very different."

"AAC?"

"American Airlines Center," you hadn't realized you shortened the name. "Sorry about that. I think we're scheduled to tour that on Wednesday." It gave you another opportunity to be with her.

"Yes, I have that on my calendar, but was going to see if we could change that." You supposed there was your answer about her wanting to be in the same room as you. "Dr. Ellis has a patient that needs a knee arthroplasty and he asked if I'd show him the technique I've been using. Less evasive and I'm having great success with cutting the healing time by half." Oh, so it was a medical thing, whatever an arthroplasty was. "If we could push it back a bit that would be great, if not maybe we could look at another time."

"I'll work around your schedule, it's not a problem." If it meant spending more time with her you'd go to any lengths that you had to.

"Thanks, if we could maybe make for like three in the afternoon instead of noon that will give me plenty of time because I have a feeling, he'll want me to sit in on his other two surgeries he has scheduled that day."

"Not a problem." You took out your phone and made the change in your calendar. Thankfully, you didn't really have anything after practice that day but giving her the tour. "Shall we continue then?" She smiled, and it made your heart feel light. You took her to the offices next. "Down this hallway is pretty much everyone that works for the Stars; PR, accounting, our GM, our owner. You'll pretty much find them here." You stopped in front of a door and then opened it up. "This office is for you." It had a great view, well as much of a view as any of them had, but it really was a nice place for her to work.

"Umm…this won't do."

You blinked at her a couple times, there was really nothing wrong with the room. Everything in there was modern with state-of-the-art equipment. "What's wrong with it?" The words came out a little harsher than you intended but you really couldn't see her problem.

"Well for starters, we're on the what, the third floor? And I believe the locker room and training room are on the first." You gave a confused look as this was Dr. Lundin's old office and he never been concerned about it being where it was. "It's just if I'm going to be working on you…well not you, but any of you. I need to be near you. I can be at ice level during practices, but if I'm treating you, my office should be closer to the ice." Well, you couldn't really argue with that. "Also, there's no exam table in here. I get that I'll be doing most things in your training room, but there may be times when I'll need you to stop in to look over something, or what if one of you need to see me about something private."

She had a point, though none of you had ever really gone to Dr. Lundin like that. Come to think of it, he wasn't really around that much. He more or less made recommendations on where you should go if you had a problem. He wasn't necessarily the doctor to fix you. Seems like (Y/N) planned on being more hands-on, and you were ok with that. "You make a good point. Give me a second." You stepped out of the room and called the Jim Nill, the general manager. You weren't sure he was the man to go to, but you knew he'd be there in the building at least and could possibly offer a solution. It was a short phone call, as you expressed (Y/N)'s concerns. Jim was happy to help and said that he'd get someone on moving her downstairs to one of the spare rooms that housed equipment at the moment. "All set. They're going to move you down next to the training room. It might take a few days to get in the stuff you want, but if you make a list, we'll leave it at the front desk and make sure it gets taken care of."

"Thank you, Jamie. I really appreciate you doing that."

Her praise was like music to your ears, you could remember the days when you'd have a good game and she would go on and on about how well you played and you'd literally soak up every word that came out of her mouth. "No problem, guess we should head down there then." You showed her the room, which she seemed pleased with, then took her over to the training room. A couple of the trainers were still in there from practice, so you introduced her to them.

"I hate to be a pain in the ass but would any of you mind if I changed the set up here. I don't want to step on anyone's toes. I just see a few things that could make this more efficient."

"Sure, go ahead," Dave, the head trainer told her.

"So, see these units right here. They would work so much better if you had them in between the training tables. That way two guys can be on the machine at the same time."

"Oh, I see what you're saying." They went to move the equipment, it looked heavy so you helped as well. (Y/N) was opening up cabinets and taking things out, then moving them to other ones.

"Is the AAC," she looked over as you to confirm she'd said that right. "Setup like this as well."

"Pretty much," Dave told her.

"Could we make these changes there as well?" They seemed to be a bit annoyed, but she wasn't deterred. "Bear with me for a moment. Say Jamie has a cut to his eye that needs to be stitched." She looked at you to play the part.

"Ow my eye," your acting was horrible and they all laughed.

"When he comes into the room, we take him right to the nearest table, which is here." You sat down where she gestured. "It's obvious, he needs stitches, but the medical cabinet is all the way over on the other side of the room, and by the time we get there, look for what we need then come back we've waist two minutes of playing time and we don't even have a single stitch that we need in." She was making a lot of sense. "If we had our sterile supplies here, and then individually marked and put in like this." She rearranged the cabinet as she talked. "Then when Jame comes in with the cut. We can assess it and stitch him up in no time."

"Makes sense," Dave agreed. "I'll get to work on changing the AAC as well." He and the other trainer were done for the day and said their goodbyes before heading out.

"Hey Jame," you noticed she'd started using your nickname and you weren't upset about it. "Could you move this table over to here?"

"No problem."

"Is something wrong?"

Quite the opposite actually, you thought today was going pretty well. "Um, no why?"

"You're favoring your right shoulder. I saw you do it earlier."

"Oh, I think I just slept wrong on it or something." Well tossed and turned on it was more like it, as thoughts of her pervaded your mind.

"Sit." It was a command and one that you were not to argue with. She came up behind you then, her hands going on your shoulders, kneading and massaging your shoulders and for a moment it felt like heaven, just having her hands on you again. Then she pushed down hard on a particular spot and you winced. "Tender?"

"A bit."

She came around in front of you and stepped in between your legs. "This might hurt a little." Hurt? God, she was killing you at the moment, as her body was almost pressed intimately up against yours. You willed your growing erection to calmed down, but apparently, it had a mind of its own. She moved your arm in a weird position, then pressed down almost under your armpit but not quite. (Y/N) was right, it did hurt a tiny bit, and you grunted at the pain. "Sorry." She went back to kneading your muscles, while you caught the scent of her perfume, or maybe it was just her, either way, it intoxicated you. You closed your eyes inhaling deeply, willing your body under control. You'd give anything at that moment to just wrap her in your arms and press her lips to yours. Would her lips be as sweet as they once were? Would she kiss you back with the same abandonment as she had that first time so long ago? There were so many questions swirling in your head, and you wanted to know the answers, but it was too soon. If you attempted any of this now, you'd take the chance of losing her for good and it was not a risk you were willing to make. All too soon for your liking, she stepped back. "Does that feel any better?"

You rotated your shoulder and neck a few times. "Yeah, it actually feels amazing."

"Excellent," a huge satisfied grin on her face, which only made you smile back. You felt it then, a shift in the air, almost as if her heart was giving way to you in some small manner. Maybe it was just you, but there was something in the way that her eyes held yours, the way they softened as she gazed at you. You remembered that look, had only dreamt of seeing it in her eyes again but now here you were, afraid to blink for if you did it would break the spell. Her watch chimed then, like the clock striking midnight in a fairytale. "I really should be going," she told you, and just like Cinderella, she was running away only this time you knew she wouldn't get far. "So, Wednesday, then right?"

"Yeah, three o'clock."

"Ok, I'll see you then."

"Hey (Y/NN)," she turned back around. "Since we're heading downtown, why don't I just drive us both down. I'll show you the shortcut." She seemed to mull that over a bit.

"Sounds good." She made a move to leave again, only this time, she stopped herself. "Thank you for today Jame. I really appreciate you showing me around."

She called you Jame again, another step in the right direction. "Anytime, (Y/NN)." You sighed happily as she walked out of the training room. You were one step closer to winning the girl of your dreams back.

READER'S POV

What was wrong with you? You seriously needed to get ahold of yourself. That moment in the training room could not happen again. For god's sake, your watch had to chime to tell you to breathe, because you were pretty sure you'd stopped. There had been something in Jamie's eyes. Those big beautiful brown ones of his, that you could spend hours looking into. People always said the eyes were like windows into your soul, and if that were true you saw your own reflected in Jamie's. The shocking thing was, it didn't frighten you like it should. There was this small part of you that wanted to fall headfirst straight into him, but you couldn't. This time it wasn't just your reputation as being easy riding on the line. It would be your reputation as a doctor and a professional as well, and that was something you would not let him ruin.

You turned over yet again in what felt like the most enormous bed at the moment. You couldn't seem to get comfortable and sleep was evading you, as thoughts of Jamie filled your head. Every time you closed your eyes there he was, smiling as he took another bite of cake in his mouth, laughing when you least expected it. It was all quite maddening and thrilling at the same time. This time you sat up in bed. Grabbing your iPad, you opened your one guilty pleasure and started reading the romance novel you'd started on the plane here. You hadn't picked it up, since the day you saw Jamie. It would provide the perfect distraction from him.

You were about three chapters in when things started to turn a bit steamy, and as you read each line you found your hands wandering over your body. Your hands snuck up your shirt, wishing that it was our hero's gliding over your breasts the way he caressed the main characters. As the dialogue went on, you got more and more turned on, until you abandon the book for your own pleasure. Closing your eyes, you pictured the protagonist with his dark locks, kissing his way down your body. Your hands would thread into his hair, as he kissed above your panty line, before slowly shimming them down your legs. It was almost as if you could feel his warm breath against your thigh making you shiver. You let your fingers mimic his, as they slid between your folds, your pussy already wet with desire for him. He softly kisses you there then, his beard somewhat scratchy against your sensitive skin, but it was a feeling you yearned for. His long fingers would slip inside, moving in and out of you slowly at first driving you mad. Your hips flexed up, as you gave over to the fantasy, craving the faceless man's touch. You could see the muscles of his back stretch across his skin and you longed to rake your nailed down them as he thrust his cock inside you, though it was his torturous fingers driving you wild at the moment. You were close now, just teetering on the edge with the need to cum. Rubbing your clit with your other hand, you thrust your fingers in out of you in a motion that you knew would take you to the heights you sought. Only your mind told you it was his fingers, his tattooed arm, his wicked tongue that was taking you there. Eyes closing tighter, as you fully emersed yourself in the fantasy, you felt the orgasm begin to build. Your legs started to tremble and your breathing was erratic, and then it hit and you were screaming out his name. "YES…JAMIE…YES!" Your eyes flew open, at the sound of his name echoing off the bedroom walls. It was Jamie you were picturing the entire time. He was the man giving you such exquisite pleasure. The realization had you spinning and throwing the covers over your head, too bad you couldn't hide from yourself. How were you ever going to face him in a couple days?

Sleep was something that evaded you that night and the next, well not entirely you did get a few hours here and there. The only problem was Jamie seemed to creep into your dreams as well. There were ones where the two of you were laughing and joking and having the most amazing time, and ones that had you calling out his name in pleasure again as well. But the ones that got to you the most, were where he was with Caitlyn. They would be holding hands or kissing right in front of you. You'd wake up so angry that you wanted to punch something or someone, namely Caitlyn. It had you questioning why though. If you didn't have feelings for Jamie, then why were you so angry at some college girl who threw herself at him. The deeper you dug into that, the more you didn't like the answer, for it meant there was still something there between you.

Thankfully, Wednesday came and so did your teaching surgeries, which meant you had something else to think about other than Jamie Benn. It was an early morning as most days in the operating room were, so at five, you grabbed a coffee and headed to the hospital. As you suspected, Dr. Ellis had you tag along on his other three knee arthroplasties, which meant you were walking out of the OR just before noon. If you timed it right, you could grab a quick bite to eat before going over charts and then be at Jamie's before three to tour the AAC.

"I've got to say your method in that replacement was impeccable," Dr. Ellis told you as you headed down the hallway to the doctor's lounge.

"Thanks, it took a little time for me to get things right, but as I said when you take that ligament…"

"Dr. Ellis, you're needed in the ER for a consult; car versus pedestrian," the nurse told him, and immediately your heart sank. You always hated seeing these kinds of accidents come through the hospital. "It's a twelve-year-old, his leg is in bad shape. I'm not sure it can be saved."

"Dr. (Y/LN), would you join me?"

"Of course." The two of you quickened your pace as you rushed to the wounded child. "I thought you said this wasn't a trauma hospital?"

"It's not. I'm not sure how this case got here."

The moment you got to the ER, you didn't have to be directed as to where to go. Doctors and nurses rushed in and out of the room at a frenzied pace. It had honestly been a good year since you'd done any extensive trauma work, but the adrenaline came rushing back through your veins with a force of a good slap shot. When you entered the room, it was worse than you expected, you'd only seen one other case that was this bad. You rattled off a flurry of questions, to those around you, trying to assess the damage. "I think we're going to have to amputate," the chief emergency physician said.

"Only as a last resort." You looked at Dr. Ellis. "If you're willing, I'd like to try and save this child's leg, but we need to get him in the OR now."

Not even a second ticked by, before he said, "You heard her people, let's move." Everyone started rushing to get him prepped for surgery.

"I'll need your assistance," you told him as the two of you made your way back, nurses following close behind.

"Of course, anything you need."

"Oh, I need someone to call Jamie Benn." Dr. Ellis gave you a funny expression. "He was to show me around the arena today in a couple hours. I need to push that back." He nodded to the nurse who jotted down the information before the two of you went to scrub up.

The surgery was grueling, your feet hurt and your back ached from standing in the OR for over twelve hours, but it was worth it. You were able to save young Noah's leg. And while most of those that had joined you in the operating room were headed out for drinks, which they wanted you to join, you were putting back on the dress that you'd chosen this morning to wear for your tour with Jamie. Admittedly, you may have decided on it because it showed a little more cleavage than usual and that it was Jamie's favorite color, but right now you'd give anything to not have to wear it for another couple of hours as you walked around an arena trying to remember where the entrance and exit were. Though still you, glided it over your body and headed out the door.

You thought about pulling into your driveway, but decide to go straight to Jamie's instead. Your feet already hurt from standing all day, and the heels that you'd brought earlier now felt like they were twenty inches high instead of the three that they were. No point in walking extra steps from your place to his. You rang the doorbell and almost immediately Jamie answered. "You look…"

"Like hell." You finished for him as he stepped aside you let you inside his house and even through your exhaustion you realized this was the first time you were seeing the inside of his home.

"I wasn't going to say that."

"Oh, well I feel like it," you added. "But anyhow, are you ready to go?" You were standing in the entranceway taking everything in, the vaulted ceilings, the winding staircase, even the glass doors were things that you'd talked about with him when you were younger. It was almost a carbon copy of your dream home that you two talked about.

"Um…well, I kind of didn't think you'd be up for it tonight."

"Oh, thank god."

He chuckled as you sagged in relief of knowing that you wouldn't have to put another ten thousand steps in. "I have an alternative if that's alright." You had no idea what he could be thinking, but anything other than a thirty to forty-minute drive downtown would be better. Just then your stomach growled, the sound seemed to fill the room and Jamie's eyebrow shot up.

"Sorry, I haven't eaten since six this morning."

"Well, then I think you're going to like my idea. Follow me." He headed into the open concept, kitchen, and living room, which was decorated all in white. "I kind of figured you'd be hungry, so I cooked us dinner. You still like salmon, right?"

"Love it." You couldn't believe that he went to all this trouble. You could see the table set perfectly, and that he had a couple pots on the stove, which smelled divine. "This is so much better than the drive-thru I was going to beg you to go to."

"Fast food, really? Come on (Y/NN) I would've sworn you'd go for pizza at least."

"I mean well, obviously, but when you're crunched on time."

"So, does this mean you're staying for dinner?" It wasn't in your original plans, but he'd gone to all this trouble, and well, you did have to eat.

"I'd love to."

"Great, I just need to get the grill going. How about a glass of wine while we wait?" You nodded, after the day you had, wine sounded perfect. "Red or white."

"A dry white since we're having fish." His walk-in wine cellar was to die for and filled from head to toe, you couldn't help sneaking a peek behind him. "I didn't realize you were a wine drinker."

He shrugged, the movement careless and carefree. "From time to time, I enjoy a glass. It's always better to share it with someone though." God, you'd said the exact words almost a hundred times. You loved your wine, but it was almost self-indulgent to just open a bottle and drink it yourself, so you rarely did it. He chose one, then came back out to the kitchen to uncork it. "I almost hate to ask, but how did the surgery go?"

"It was long, but we ended up saving Noah's leg."

"Oh my god, that's amazing."

"Well, I don't know…"

He didn't let you finish, just scooped you up in a hug. One that literally lifted you off the ground. It took your breath away not only from the shock of it but because of the way it made you feel. There were so many times you'd completed something successful in the OR only to come home to an empty house and no one to share it with, sure you had your family to call, who were always thrilled, but this, this was different. It was someone sharing in your joy and happiness, and you could feel it in the way that he held you that he was just as excited as you were. All too soon he put you down as if he realized he'd overstepped his bounds. "Sorry," Jamie told you taking a step back, yet still wearing a huge grin. "But you freaking saved a kid's leg. Like who does that." Again, he didn't give you time to answer. "You're truly amazing, (Y/N)."

A blush rose to your cheeks at his compliments or maybe it was from the way he held you and you longed to feel his arms back around you. Either way, the room suddenly got a bit warm. "Thank you."

He poured you both a glass of wine, then lifted his. "To the most amazing doctor. Dallas is lucky to have you." You clinked your glass with his then took a sip of the crisp chardonnay.

"This is good," you sighed as you took another drink. "Would it be terribly rude of me, if I took these shoes off? My feet are killing me."

"God no, make yourself at home," he chuckled.

"What I should really do is run home and change into some sweats. If only my feet didn't hurt so bad."

"You can wear mine."

"Oh no, I couldn't." Because really, you couldn't wear his sweats, that would just be going too far.

"Please, you used to do it all the time." Ok well, he had you there. "I think you had more of my sweatshirts than I did at one point."

"Hey, I couldn't help it, they were just so….cozy." He laughed again and you found yourself joining in.

"Well, you're more than welcome to steal some. It's not like I don't have a ton from the organization. Which reminds me, I'll make sure they send you over some stuff."

"Oh, that would be nice."

"Until then just go put mine on. You know you'll be more comfortable." He was right, but it felt a little awkward and you hoped he wouldn't read into it.

"You're sure?" He gave you that look, the one that told you if you didn't get your ass into his sweats, he might kick it, and you had to laugh. "Ok, ok." It kind of felt like old times, only without all the bad stuff that happened, and god help you; you liked it.

"Upstairs go to the left. They are in my closet on the right-hand side. Bottoms are in the third drawer and the sweatshirts are hanging up. I'm going to go throw the salmon on."

He headed out to the grill, and you made your way upstairs. The bedroom had pristine white walls, like the majority of the house. A massive four-poster king-size bed was done in shades of gray; it reminded of you the bed you shared long ago once. You shook yourself, as memories of that first time with Jamie came flooding back. There was no point in dwelling on that; you told yourself as you made your way into the huge walk-in closet. It was neatly arranged and you had to wonder if it was Jamie being meticulous or if he had a housekeeper that did all this for him. A shelf on the left side caught your eye. There were photos there nestled with his colognes. A picture of when he was drafted sat there, along with one from when he won his gold medal playing for Team Canada. At that moment, you realized you'd missed so much of his life. All these major life-changing events, that had things gone differently, you would've been part of, or at least you told yourself you would've. You sighed, feeling a heaviness in your chest that you didn't want to explore at the moment.

Turning to the right, you went to grab the sweats like you were supposed to instead of digging around in Jamie's closet. You found them easily then moved down to grab a sweatshirt off the rack. You didn't really pay too much attention, just grabbed a Stars hoodie then started to head toward the bathroom to change. Again, photos caught your eye. These more personal. There was one of him with his mom and dad, that brought a smile to your face. You'd always loved his parents. Another was him with Jordie and Jenny, and still another with just him and Jenny's daughter. It was the one next to that, that made your breath hitch and your heart beat faster. It was a picture of the two of you, one of your favorites from Canada Day. You'd been out at the lake house with his family, and someone had candidly captured the two of you just staring happily into each other's eyes, a smile playing across both your faces. You remembered the moment like it was yesterday. That he would still have this picture was just….well, it was a lot to digest. You'd burned yours in a moment of anger weeks after what had happened, but Jamie, well apparently he kept his and still had it on display. What did this mean? Did he still have feelings for you? Did he still love you? Moreover, how did you feel about him now, after all this time? There were so many questions in your head, it was making you dizzy.

You rushed into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on your face. Part of you wanted to run the two houses down to your home and lock the door behind you, but that would solve nothing. So instead, you inhaled deeply, getting control of your emotions just as you would before you entered the operating room. There was nothing between you and Jamie anymore, the two of you were just…well, you were trying to be friends, that's all this was. You quickly changed into his clothes, throwing your dress across the huge soaking tub, then you plopped your hair on top of your head in a messy bun. It was only then that you looked at yourself in the mirror. It was a reflection of your teenage self, the one that loved Jamie with her whole heart, but you weren't that girl. You were older and wiser, and you were not about to let your heart get trampled on by one Jamie Benn again. Squaring your shoulders, you headed back downstairs, where you'd pretend as if you hadn't seen the picture of the two of you that set your heart aflutter.

When you entered the kitchen, Jamie's jaw dropped and you knew he was seeing that same version of your teenage self that you saw moments ago, though he recovered quickly. "You look more…comfortable."

"I am. Thanks again for letting me borrow these." You decided to not mention, how they made you look, or feel for that matter. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I've got it pretty much under control. Just prop up your feet, it'll be ready in a few."

"It smells delicious."

"Thanks."

"When did you learn how to cook? Because from what I remember, you could barely boil water." It was true, he was never that great in the kitchen, but from the aroma, his skills had definitely improved.

"Well, when you're on your own as long as I've been, you learn quick." He finished mixing, what looked like some sort of sauce before drizzling it over the asparagus that he'd broiled. "Besides, I can't burn off a large pizza the way I used. If I indulged in that every night, I'd have even more of a dad bod than I do now."

"Oh stop, you do not have a dad bod. Trust me I've seen plenty of those and you're not it." With his toned arms and legs, he seemed more in shape than when he was sixteen years old. Well at least more defined. In fact, just looking at his thighs brought all sorts of wild fantasies to your mind. Oh my god, you needed to stop thinking of Jamie like this or there was going to be another sleepless night in your future.

"Thanks," he answered back to your compliment. "Though I will never live down the nickname Chubbs."

You laughed, like full-on belly laugh. "Oh my god, tell me that did not follow you around."

"With Jordie on the same team," he said while rolling his eyes and joining in your laughter. "Of course, it did. It's fine though, actually, it'd be weird if people didn't call me that."

"I'll have to remember that, Chubbs." He raised his eyebrow at you before stepping out to grab the salmon. This really was nice, the two of you just laughing and joking, maybe you could be friends after all.

"Your dinner, madam," he said as he placed what looked like something out of a five-star restaurant in front of you, before sitting down in the chair beside you.

"Wow, this looks amazing."

"Well, it's not the celebration dinner you deserve for saving a kid's leg, but it will have to do." He raised his glass again towards you. "To an amazing doctor." He needed to stop making these toasts to you, as they made you blush every time.

The conversation at dinner flowed easily, like two old friends who hadn't seen each other in ages, instead of two exes. You reminisced about old times and caught up on gossip from back home. It was all really refreshing, and you realized that you'd worried about moving to Dallas for no reason at all. You helped him clean up the dishes, then you both moved into the living room to finish up the bottle of wine. "I was thinking," Jamie told you. "I drew out the AAC a bit, that way if you're schedule gets too packed, you'd have somewhat of a map to get you around."

There he went again, being all kind and sweet. A complete contrast to the man that you'd hated for the past fourteen years. "That's really nice of you. Let's have a look." He laid it out on the table and started to explain what parking garage to use and where that entrance would put you once you were inside. He was about midway through when the knot in your neck from surgery today, decided to stiffen a bit. You tilted your head to the right, then to the left; in an attempt to work it out.

"Little stiff?"

"Yeah, sometimes long hours in the OR, make my neck not want to hold my head up anymore."

He chuckled then moved back against the side of the couch so that he could rub your shoulders. "Here let me."

"You know, I'm supposed to be the one helping you out, not the other way around."

"Yeah, well humor me." You turned, giving him your back. His hands were gentle as they kneaded the muscles there and you had to admit it felt really good. You could feel yourself relaxing back against him. "Scoot up for a second." You did as he asked and then he swung his one leg up so that you were now seated in between his legs, then he went back to working on your muscles. "Better?"

"Mmm," you sighed out and let your eyes drift shut. It had been a long time since anyone had taken care of you the way that Jamie had tonight; cooking you dinner first and now this. He gently nudged you back against him, as your body grew heavy. Slowly, you drifted off to sleep. What you didn't know, was how Jamie settled you fully against his body, then grabbed the blanket that was strewn across the back of the couch to cover you up. Nor did you know how he pressed a kiss to your head, as his arms slid around your waist. He knew that he should probably wake you up, but he couldn't resist the opportunity to hold you in his arms even if it was for just a little bit. Jamie told himself that he'd just lay with you here for a little bit, let you rest for just a few minutes, but what he didn't plan on was falling asleep with you.

You weren't sure what woke you, maybe it was the light snoring in your ear, but you found it hard to rouse yourself out of slumber. You were just too comfortable, too cozy, too content, to want to wake up. There was just this safe and secure feeling that you had that just kept lulling you back to sleep. But slowly, you came alive. You blinked a few times, trying to figure out where you were. This wasn't anything new, when you were an intern, you'd wake up all over the hospital depending upon where you fell asleep, and moving to Dallas you still weren't used to your new home, but nothing here looked at all familiar. It was then that you noticed, someone's arms around your midsection, and that you were sleeping on said person's chest. A light bulb went off in your head, and you realized that person was Jamie. Obviously, you'd fallen asleep at some point, you just didn't know why Jamie hadn't woken you up. Instead, he chose to fall asleep as well.

You should be in a panic, but for some reason, your not. It just all feels so…right. Only it shouldn't feel that way at all. You shouldn't want his arms wrapped around you like they are, and you shouldn't like the gentle rise and fall of his chest as you lay against him, and you definitely shouldn't have your fingers interlaced with his, but you do. You actually could stay like this…well if you're being honest…forever, and that scares the living hell out of you. It's then you decide you have to get out there and you start to untangle your limbs from him. The movement waking Jamie. "Mmhmm," he hums sleepily and for some reason, your heart flutters at the sound. His hands tighten around your waist and you don't cringe like you should, but if you stay here any longer, you don't know what will happen.

"Jamie," you whisper. "Jame."

His eyes peek open as you turn and look at him. There's a slow smile that comes to his lips, that just sends heat to your core. Fuck, you need to get out of here. Then realization dawns on him, "Oh shit, I must have fallen asleep." He's scrambling now and so are you. "I'm sorry….I only meant to let you sleep for a bit." Oh, so he didn't mean to hold you all night and make you feel cherished? Why does your heart sink at that knowledge?

"It's ok, but I should really be going." You're a little stiff as you get up off the couch and look around the kitchen for your purse, noticing that it's five in the morning. "I need to get ready for rounds at the hospital."

His hands go to the back of his neck, then comes around the rake down the front of his face. "I'm really sorry…"

"Jamie, it's fine. I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have fallen asleep on you like that." You slip back into your heels then head towards the front door. "Thank you again for dinner."

"Anytime," he mumbles and there's this look of confusion on his face. You can't decide if it's about waking up with you in his arms or if he's still not fully awake yet, but you're not going to ask, as you open the door and slip out. "Hey (Y/NN)." You turn back around the minute you hear his voice. "I'll call you," he tells you, and damnit if your heart isn't beating faster again, like your fifteen and the prospect of this hot hockey player calling you is just doing weird things to your insides that medical science can't explain. "About rescheduling the tour."

"Right, the tour," you muttered and suddenly, it's not as romantic as it all seemed a moment ago. "Yeah, we definitely need to do that. Thanks again." You shut the car door so fast and drive the two houses down, which looks completely stupid, as Jamie stands on his front porch watching you, making sure you get inside ok.

What the hell just happened? It's the only question you can think of as you drag yourself up to the ensuite in your bedroom, so you can wash your face. You grab a cloth and turn the water on, your mind trying to digest the last ten minutes. You just spent the night with Jamie Benn, and you're not mad about it. You're not mad about it at all and that's frightening. A week ago, you didn't want to be in the same room with him for five minutes. Now, you were laughing over dinner and falling asleep in his arms. Jesus, what were you thinking? You look up at yourself in the mirror and all you can see is his damn hoodie and sweats on you. You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, but instead, all you can do is smell him. He's on your clothes, well of course he is, they're his, you idiot. You swear when you pull your hair all the way down from its even messier bun that your hair smells of him too. And when you close your eyes you can feel him; his arms wrapped around you holding you close, and damn if you don't want that again.

"NO," you yell out to yourself in the mirror. "No, no, no." He's not good for you. He'll break your heart. Your mind knows all these things and still, your heart is trying to open the door and let him in. This can't happen, you need a plan. No, what you need is someone to remind you how he broke your heart.

You pick up your phone and dial your best friend, Emma. She'd been with you through the whole breakup with Jamie and remained by your side through every dumb mistake you made afterward. Emma had even moved to the east coast, when you went to John Hopkins, though she'd met the love of her life there and was now engaged. You knew it was early, but you also knew that your best friend would answer the phone if it was you who was calling. "Hello, sunshine," she answered all cheerful and it only put you in a fouler mood.

"Really? How are you this happy in the morning?"

"You know I've always been a morning person. Now, please tell me what happened with Jamie."

"How do you know something happened with him?" It was truly baffling how she could just read you like an open book.

"Why else would you call me at six-thirty in the morning? Tell me he's not breaking your heart already?"

"It's worse." You pause trying to figure out the best way to tell her. "I think I'm falling for him again."

"Get out!" She shouted at you through the telephone. "It's been like what ten days?"

"God, when you put it like that, it sounds insane."

"It's not insane (Y/N)." At least Emma didn't think you were crazy for possibly falling back in love with Jamie. "You two have history, like big-time history, and that just doesn't go away overnight. The question is what do you want to do about it?"

"I don't know, Em." It was true, you were so conflicted about whether you should just shut Jamie out completely, or open your heart just one more time. You were hoping your best friend could shed some light on the situation.

"Well, then I think I have your solution." You waited patiently for her to tell you what it was. "You know what they say, in order to get over someone, you need to get under someone." Had you heard her right, did she really just tell you to go out and have sex with someone random?

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