#{Black Sails Modern au}

[nihil-verum-nisi-amor]

to live each day as if it were your last

Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

[lupismaris]

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: Black Sails Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Captain Flint | James McGraw/John Silver, Captain Flint | James McGraw/Thomas Hamilton, Captain Flint | James McGraw/Thomas Hamilton/John Silver, Captain Flint | James McGraw/Hal Gates Characters: Captain Flint | James McGraw, John Silver, Thomas Hamilton, Hal Gates, Max (Black Sails), Anne Bonny, "Calico" Jack Rackham, Charles Vane, Billy Bones, Eleanor Guthrie, Idelle (Black Sails), Augustus Featherstone, Muldoon (Black Sails), Joji (Black Sails), Joshua (Black Sails), Charlotte (Black Sails), Logan (Black Sails), De Groot (Black Sails), Woodes Rogers, Miranda Barlow, Madi (Black Sails) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Polyamory, Background Relationships, Everyone is Queer, canon violence is mentioned, look to chapter notes for any relevant content warnings, Lots of Background Ships Summary:

Five years and some change after their lives together ended, Silver finds himself sitting across the table from an old friend, with the sneaking suspicion he's walked headlong into a trap, without any hope of walking back out again.

my Black Sails Modern au (the one with the queer bar) is now on AO3. a few people had previously asked and now that theres more than one chapter I feel less awkward about putting it up there. 😊 All three chapters that have been posted here on tumblr have been uploaded there as well.

[tiofrean]

One day I will finish a sketch before starting another one... but today is not this day.

(I'm writing another part for my Coffeshop!AU and I got carried away imagining)

[erodingsinner]

remember when flint sailed from nassau to charlestown and vane and his crew did the same trip by swimming and somehow got there a few hours after flint. and we all had to accept that was normal and possible

[heycarrots]

Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Black Sails Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Captain Flint | James McGraw/John Silver, Madi/John Silver (Black Sails), Anne Bonny/Max Characters: Captain Flint | James McGraw, John Silver (Treasure Island), Madi (Black Sails), Max (Black Sails), Eleanor Guthrie, Charles Vane, Billy Bones, Miranda Barlow, Anne Bonny, Dufresne (Black Sails), Alfred Hamilton, Thomas Hamilton, Joji (Black Sails), Ben Gunn, Muldoon (Black Sails) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Inspired by my real life nightmare, more tags added as we go along, Literally ALL of the swears, If there’s not an F bomb every other sentence are they even in a kitchen?, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, POV Alternating, Canon Disabled Character, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst Summary:

James Flint is the head Chef at a Michelin star restaurant in Miami which has seen better days. He’s three months from his review deadline when all hell breaks loose. When the worst cook he’s ever met weasels his way into his kitchen, can he and the staff of the Walrus & the Carpenter, lead by General Manager, Eleanor Guthrie, pull through or will they lose their fucking sanity along with their star rating?

[11chasty11]

so... a year ago I saw this beautiful poem https://thebibliosphere.tumblr.com/post/731710915304669184/taohun-taohun-whos-up-thinking-about-after and being in my (bi)annual black sails phase I immediately thought about modern james/thomas/miranda and made a sketch that was abandoned right away. now I finally finished it (sort of). I feel a lot of tenderness towards these doomed by the narrative little people and like to think that in another time in another place they maybe possibly could have made it. I think james' pov is very suitable for the poem since he is insecure and unsure of his place in life and in this polycule. he is afraid to be a nuisance but he is adored by both of them and it helps him - maybe for the first time - to feel like he belongs

[asterianart]

i've been holding onto these and not posting because i wanted to finish them, but who knows when that will be. In the meantime, enjoy them at their current versions.

This is from my Werewolf!Silver au.

[twopointsinspace]

Well I can’t wait to read all your WIPs!

Anything you can give away for ‘Library4’? (Another book-related fic in the works??)

Likewise!

Sure :) The 4 comes from the fact that I always give new versions (whenever I have changed a lot) consecutively higher numbers. It’s a modern AU in which James works as a librarian at a university library (as do a few other familiar faces). Enter John, a regular visitor who loves to flirt with James (who tries to ignore him because he's not looking for anything). It gets funny and romantic and heartbreaking and there are quite a few twists! I’m really excited about this one :D

Here's a little sneak peek:

Curlyhead turns in their direction at that moment and winks at them with a wide smile, and James jerks his gaze back to his computer screen. It's all he's ever done since he started coming to the library almost every day a few weeks ago. Finding a place near the circulation desk, smiling or winking as soon as their eyes happen to meet. He has never spoken to him.

"God, stop staring at him," James hisses at Eleanor and then, to his horror, sees her wink back out of the corner of his eye before she rolls her chair back to her own work area.

"Well, we have to let him know we're interested."

"But we are not interested. He... He is a student."

"So what? We're just employees of the library, not his professors."

[oh2e]

I feel like Interview With The Vampire rewired me in the same way Black Sails did - I’m weird about it but everyone else is so much more that I appear normal by comparison yet I am very much insane about it.

[lupismaris]

The Walrus- whiskey & blues. The "official" playlist for Cobble Hill's favorite queer bar. No, we don't take requests. -X, Flint.

yes i made a playlist for a fictional bar to accompany a fanfic. Sue me.

I approached this as Gates asked Flint to assemble a formal Spotify playlist for the bar that patrons could pull up as a reference after they got the upteenth person asking about what was playing. Flint made the playlist based on the bar's vinyl collection which is predominantly blues oriented, they pride themselves on being an alternative music venue for the facet of the queer community that doesn't enjoy the same club music as their cohorts vibe to in other gay bars.

It'll probably update as I go and yes I'll throw a link to it on AO3 .

[tiofrean]

Guys... I may be a little obsessed with Poseidon Toby...

Grab a bit of the obsession! <3

[brooklynislandgirl]

Any thoughts on genital piercings? Do you have any?

A Little Light/A Little Dark || -

And just like that, with an indelicate snort of a laugh, Beth's POG in her nasal passages. Where as she's more of a fan of a gentle saline rinse from a neti pot to the harsh chemicals of most over the counter antihistamines and where as she thinks everyone deserves a little extra vitamin C in their diet, the two things should never be combined, and certainly not with a mixture of pineapple and guava mixed into the orange juice. Silver can't help but laugh, and she's a hundred percent certain that from the corner of her now watery eyes that she's seen some money change hands between little Ben and Jack. Fortunately, none of the actual adults ~Flint, Miranda, Gates~ are having breakfast with their young associates. Once she's taken a good swipe at her face with her napkin and is no longer in danger of choking on or spitting into her acai bowl, she glares at Doctah Manderly beside her. Okay, if he can make her look like an idiot, she can do him one better, and not even Annie will be able to spare him this time with a timely interruption. Not that she faults the Irish Setter. Her person is just….well. She's too polite to even think it in the privacy of her own head. Beth stretches leisurely. Almost catlike. She can almost feel the almost no hair at the back of his neck stand on end because William doesn't like people getting close. Which does make her wonder who managed to talk him into asking her that, and what sort of leverage they used. Meanwhile, she fixes him with a smouldering half-lidded gaze and makes her voice as sultry as she possibly can, the kind of voice indicative of rumpled sheets and lazy kisses the morning after. Not that she expects him to understand that, she's willing to put money on the fact that he's never had an intimate relationship in all of his life. She also partially lies through her teeth; there's something traumatic in just the idea of it, at least on the female body, and the fact that some women don't have enough flesh in certain parts to even try it. There's the risk of contracting an infection or disease. There's the issue with cleaning things properly, and for most people, there's always the risk of dislodging or poking holes in their preferred prophylactics. The biggest draw back though is the potential for nerve damage, which would be counter productive to the whole process. But she does have a piercing he has yet to discover, which is what makes it partially a lie. "Billy, ku'ipo, if you t'ink ya man big enough, you should come try find out yaself. I will say dat yes…I got a piercing way below my ears, but I'm not gonna give it away jus' cause ya aks."

[catdia]

Viktor with a Chubby S/o

(Modern AU / College AU)

You guys meet thanks to Professor Heimerdinger. Both brilliant students that were later made into TAs

He is a biomedical engineer major. You share many classes together but got official acquainted as Heimer’s personal assistants

Viktor is incredibly handsome and you fell for him right away. You love his dry humor and the way his mind works. He had been Heimerdinger’s TA a few months before you, so you sat in the classes he taught as a way to get yourself familiar with an assistants work

He teaches so good, almost at the same level as any other professor. He is witty and doesn’t hold back when he criticizes the students poor test scores

“If you actually paid attention for once you would have seen that all these problems were on the homework you were assigned over the week! Oh, but half of you didn’t do it in the first place. So I’m not surprised you failed miserably—”

Professor Heimerdinger definitely tries to set you two up from the start. He sees the chemistry every time you both are around the office working in lesson plans and discussions equations. Heimer sees how Viktor softens his gaze will looking at you. And how you get lost in Viktor’s impressive mind

“There is nothing like young love, my boy! One day you are sitting together basking in the wonders of progress, then in the blink of an eye you are hearing wedding bells—”

“I think what you’re experiencing Professor is something called schizophrenia.”

Viktor was the one that asked you out first! Then it was smooth sailing from there. Your simple coffee runs to finish up grading papers turned into you holding hands and sharing overpriced pastries

Jayce also became a very big part of your relationship, he was Viktor’s roommate in freshman year and have been inseparable since. Also a biomedical engineer student

Viktor survives most days on sweets and black coffee. So when you came around you finally made this man have a proper meal after class

“I actually have been starting to feel much better these past few weeks. I’m head doesn’t get foggy anymore.”

“That’s because I’m feeding the fuck out of you. So which one do you want? Chicken and rice or beef?”

Viktor is thin and lanky so he is the one that steals clothes in the relationship. Especially likes taking your cardigans and sweaters

Started buying bigger clothes just so you wouldn’t be felt out. Makes sure to spray his cologne on it so you can smell him all day

He has a very nice sense of style, a mix between dark academia and grunge. Likes anything to do with warm colors and cozy fabrics.

He uses a leather crossbody bag instead of a regular book bag. He thinks it makes him look cooler

Has an old wooden cane he got at an estate sale. It’s a beautiful deep shade of brown that almost looks reddish. Its handle is craved with intricate flowers and vines. Viktor has a medical grade one but hates how boring it looks

“It has character! If I have to use a cane to walk at least I can look the part while doing it.”

“And by “the part” you mean looking like a grandpa?”

You and Jayce like to play around with the cane every chance you get. From limbo to sword fighting. Once Viktor has taken a seat and looks comfortable it’s game over. You’re taking the cane until further notice. You and Jayce get into petty fights over who gets to take the cane all the time

“Jayce it’s not fair! You got to take it last time and it’s my turn!” You stood on your tippy toes as Jayce lifted the cane above his head

“Nuh huh, you lost so I get first dibs on it!”

“I’m going to shove it up your ass, Talis! Give it to me—” Jayce ran away and you followed him as he weaved across the various desks and chairs

Loves watching his two idiots fight over his walking stick knowing that it ends up with him scolding you two for playing rough

Lets you decorate it how much you want. He even gave you permission to carve your name on the bottom of the handle. You like to change it up, having little bats on Halloween and wrapping it up in Christmas lights in winter

Spends all his free time in the library. You and Jayce join him often, doing homework and studying. When it’s finals you stay until midnight in a private study room. Watching Jayce and Viktor bicker over math equations as you doze off

Speaks Russian, French and Czech! You get turned on when he switches languages when pissed

Thanks to his disability he gets a really big dorm room with a private bathroom and kitchen, almost like a full blown apartment

“I can’t believe they gave you such a nice place, Viktor! Not even my mini fridge works.”

“You should have came in a wheelchair with an oxygen tank like I did on orientation week.”

“Viktor, I’m sure what you did was illegal—”

The first time you were intimate with Viktor you were nervous! Viktor because he bagged a pretty girl and didn’t know how to handle it. And you because of the lack of intimacy you had. He is such an attentive lover! And made your first time so sweet

Even if he is all fucked up after sex he will do aftercare. Will get you water and a snack butt naked. Gives you lots of affection and kind words too

You both do laundry together on the week ends. Makes for good bonding time. After washing and drying your stuff you always go to his dorm room and put on music as you fold your clothes together

“This thing doesn’t even cover one of my ass cheeks.” You put his boxers next to your butt then threw it in Viktor’s hamper.

“Good thing that it only needs to cover the good stuff in the front.” He placed another sweater in his drawer

“You’re gross, Vik!” Viktor chuckled and looked at the pile of clothes you were folding. The slight hint of pink from the mountain of dark clothes caught his attention. He reached out and pulled a pair of lacy panties

“And who are these for?” Viktor had never seen these before and had the biggest grin on his face. Imagining you in them

“For your mom.” You shot back at him

“Mmm, she has my taste. She’ll like them.” He folded the pair in his hand and placed it inside is sweater stack

“Did you really just put my panties in your cupboard in front of my face?” You looked at him in shock. And you were flatter in a weird way.

“Yes, I made it obvious for a reason!”

He takes a plethora of pills through out the day, you’ve memorized the names of them and their effects. And even have some spare ones on you in case he forgets to take them

Definitely has tampons and pads in his book bag in case of emergencies!

There are some days where he has very bad flare ups. You stay with him in bed all day and miss class together. He loves cuddling with you, holding you from behind and having his bad leg thrown over your hip. Or him laying on your chest as you play with his hair

Likes grabbing fist fulls of your tummy when your together. It makes him feel so warm and cozy

I don’t see Viktor being an avid cannabis user, but he still has his license and buys from “independent sellers” because it’s cheaper. He uses it once in a blue moon, when the pain is unbearable. Doesn’t like smoking it in front of anyone. Not even you or Jayce

Is the type of guy that just stops and stares when you walk by him. It doesn’t matter if you’re in public or alone together he WILL stop whatever his doing and look at you

You buy him matching stuff all the time, like pencils and keychains! You got a pair of matching Dr Martens with him and funky socks for every occasion

Jayce got jealous and it ended up with you three going out to a Sanrio store and buying matching keychains for your book bags. Jayce for me screams Pompompurin and Viktor is definitely a Keroppi and My Melody stan!

Viktor has been independent with his disability since he was born. It makes him feel weird when you want to help him or even do acts of service that make his day a little less painful

He has been in relationships where his partners or even “friends” make him feel less then. They see his disability before his amazing personality and smarts

It takes time for him to get used to another person loving him and not complain about his leg being a burden. He doesn’t admit how much he likes having you help him out with simple stuff, he doesn’t care about his pride when his with you. It shows him that you accept all parts of him like he does yours

You like massaging his bad knee with his medical cream. After his showers you are already set up waiting for him on the bed

“You don’t have to do this for me, you know?”

“But I want to! And I like the smell of the cream anyways. It makes my hands soft.” You slowly worked your hands into the skin of his leg. Going over his knee surgery scar with your fingers

Viktor is the type of guy that doesn’t seem to have body insecurities but more capabilities ones. Like him doubting he could make you happy. Or if he can make you feel sexually satisfied and attached to him

Which he absolutely does because that man is a freak and knows how to work with what his mama gave him!

His beauty marks and moles are your favorite part of him. Especially the ones on his face. Before you even kiss his lips properly you have to kiss is moles first! He has many more all over his body. You know where every single one is on his skin. The one on his left side pelvis, the one behind is right ear, and the pair that cross over is bad ankle

Viktor’s favorite part of your body is your ass, then your personality (hahaha). He loves all of your equally but something about watching your ass jiggle as you walk away and how it feels so nice on his pelvis when he holds you from behind just makes him gushy

“Does this dress make me look lumpy?” You looked in the mirror as you were trying on the new dresses you ordered for the Innovators Competition coming up

“What are you talking about?” Viktor turned around in his chair, pushing his eye glasses into his hair. He was busy tweaking the final cables of his invention

“Like doesn’t my ass and pudge look out of place in this dress?” You pinched your skin as you looked at your reflection. Viktor knew you well, you were setting fire to yourself. He slowly got up and walked to your form, careful to not hurt his leg

“You look gorgeous, love. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world.” He wrapped his arms around your middle, resting his chin on your shoulder as he looked at your eyes in the mirror. “The only thing out of place is that I’m not in between your legs right now.”

“Jesus, Viktor!”

Like I mentioned Viktor is a total freak! He knows how to seduce you when he wants to get down and dirty. The one that gets you the most is when he wears button down shirts and rolls in the sleeves to his forearms. Then unbuttons it until you can see the navel of his chest

“You’re getting distracted.” Viktor said

“Only because you’re making me flustered, you temptress!”

You’ve definitely have gotten freaky in Professor Heimerdinger’s lab. You sitting on the cold wooden desk top as Viktor was in between your legs. Working on pulling of your top, then undoing your bra

“V-Viktor— what if he catches us? We’ll be expelled!” He placed open mouth kisses on your exposed neck. Palms flush against the flesh of your breasts. Earning moans from your warm throat. Slowly pulling your skirt down your legs and discarding it

“He is out of office until Wednesday.” He took off your panties and placed them in his back pocket. Then slowly started taking off his belt and unzipping his pants. He pushed on your chest to make you lay flat on the desk. “Know be quite and let me make you feel good.”

He isn’t a people person, at all. So he likes to spent time alone with you the most. Watching movies, baking and building Legos together

He’s a puzzle nerd and always has one on his table that he builds here and there

You’ve tried to convince him to get a service dog, but I can totally see this man being disgusted by dogs. Doesn’t even tolerate the little ones.

“They’re so obnoxious and needy. So full of bothersome energy—”

“Whenever you talk about dogs all I hear coming from your mouth is ‘Jayce, Jayce, Jayce’!”

“Don’t you dare compare my friend to a mutt!

He is more of a cat person, or a reptile one. I believe if Viktor wasn’t an engineering major he would have chosen veterinary science

Viktor’s love languages are quality time, acts of service, and physical touch. Has to have his hands on you at all times

“Sit on my lap.”

“Viktor, if I do I’ll put you into cardiac arrest. Or hurt your leg. I don’t know which one’s worse.” You crossed your arms, watching as he pouted at you from the sofa

“I can take it! Sit on my lap, woman!” Viktor patted his lap aggressively and made grabby hands at you

“Okay, whatever you say…” You sat down on his legs, making sure that your back was supported by the armrest of the couch. You rested your head on his shoulder

“Mmmm, this is heaven—” He massaged the meat of your thighs. Nuzzling his head in your hair

“If you see a light don’t go towards it! You still own me a movie night.”

One of your favorite weekend activities is going to the park and feeding the ducks! Also going to thrift stores and farmers markets

Viktor doesn’t let you pay for anything! He says that it’s a man’s job to pay for everything and he likes spending his TA check on you

He grew up in a place where violence was in every corner, so he is very observant and protective when you are out together. Viktor has a lot of street smarts and knows when people are watching. He also has a pocket knife on him and even owns a firearm. Don’t ask him if he has a license for it because he doesn’t

Many times you’ve had witness Jayce carry Viktor up or down flights of stairs when the elevator is busted or when there’s a building evacuation. You call it his “princess time”. You walk beside them with Viktor’s cane and book bag in hand

“This is utterly embarrassing—” Viktor had his head hanging off the side of Jayce’s arm like a corpse

“I think you look dashing, Viktor!” You said playfully, kissing his lolling head

“That makes it even worse.” He grumbled on Jayce’s shoulder

“At least you’re not tumbling down the stairs, V.” Jayce chuckled

Viktor definitely plans on marrying you after college, he knew he wanted you in his life since the first month you started dating

He was the first to say “I love you”, and cried while saying it

The type of person that says they hate kids and doesn’t like them at all. But children just flock to them for some reason. Viktor is one of those people! Every time he is out and there are kids around you are in for a treat. Babies just stare at him and give him the cutest gummy smiles. Reaching their chubby hands towards him. Little kids always come up and ask him questions about his cane. He is so dry but so kind to the little ones that it literally makes your heart melt

“Are you a pirate, mister?!”

“No sadly. I’m a college student. Boring I know.”

You love doing self care nights with him. Putting your new face masks and hair care products to the test on Viktor

Viktor growing his hair out was the biggest blessing you could ever ask for! He lets you style his hair all the time in braids, ponytails and even lets you curl it. Having a half up half down hairdo looks killer on him

You definitely joke about him being a ���chubby chaser”. He didn’t know what it meant until you told him and he just smiled and said:

“Well, what are bones good for if they don’t have meat on them.”

He’s your sassy skeleton man and you love it

[heycarrots]

*Runs shrieking into Tumblr*

It’s READY!!! Episode two of Reading Between the Lines Podcast is LIVE!!

I had such a wonderful time chatting with @jaynovz and, luckily, I’ll get to do so a regular basis as we work together on Jay’s cupcake AU audio series! 🥳

If you listen, let Jay know how much you loved both her story and her insights!

Anyone else impressed I managed to make it an entire episode and a half without gushing over Toby Stephens? I certainly am! And that streak has ended, my friends.

All hail the amazing creators of the Black Sails Fandom, may they reign in censorship and fear forever. 🙏　Once again, THANK YOU so much to Kelsey, aka @magicbubblepipe for your GLORIOUS episode art! Your work turns my heart into a puddle of warmth in the pit of my stomach this podcast wouldn’t be the same without your wonderful aesthetic touch.

I’ll drop the link to the book referenced in our discussion, for those looking for tools to hone their skills.

But first . . .

You Turned Me Into Somebody Loved by Jaynovz

And the book Jay referenced is Romancing the Beat . . .

[oh2e]

in general I think black sails doesn't lend itself very easily to modern aus (the Everybody Lives Happy and Hydrated kind or otherwise) however one thing that always works is the ranger crew. like they are literally some queerplatonic mess of a friend group that met when jack was at uni and do domestic terrorism on the weekends, everyone knows one of those

[swordboybestboy]

So we all agree that Mihawk is super weird, right? Like obviously he's goth (and every alt person I've ever met is at least a little weird its part of their charm) and he lives alone on war-ravaged goth island full of murder monkeys and took over the castle there to live out his life as a vampire cosplayer

But also he has a boat that's shaped like a coffin and sails the fucking SEAS alone in it and I swear this man is alive by sheer force of drama alone like there's some god in the one piece world that's watching him and going "Yeah can't let that boat capsize I'm living for his dedication to the aesthetic"

And who made that fucking boat anyway it's mast is shaped like Yoru how much did Mihawk pay to get someone to build his fucking death boat like did he go to water seven and commission this imagine that conversation "I want a boat big enough just for me, it needs to he shaped like a coffin and have a coffin shaped cabin just big enough for me to sleep in cause I wanna feel like I'm rising from the dead when I wake up also please make the mast look like my sword is stabbing into the boat, black fabric for the sails and don't forget the candle holders at the front, they're very important"

Speaking of which who makes those candles is he making his own special candles with boric acid or copper(II) infused wicks so the flame burns green or is there some specialty goth candle shop who gets a bunch of business from him I could see him being like my orgo professor and adding salts to fires because they burn pretty colors also he in a modern au he would probably throw wrappers into fires to see what happens and then keeps Dubble bubble sour fruit gum around so he can throw the wrappers in fire and watch them burn pretty colors

But this entire thought was started because I was thinking about how I like the idea of Shanks and Shamrock fighting over Mihawk and that I like the idea that Shamrock just isn't weird enough for Mihawk

And it made me think of how Mihawk's entire social circle is made of weirdos

Crocodile - this man apparently lives to make criminal organizations he knows what he wants in life and that is to be a mob boss he lost his hand and replaced it with a very large ornate hook and that shit has got to be heavy but it is intimidating and probably more useful than it would immediately seem he also has a collection of eccentric weirdos (let's not even get into the subject of his gender or status as luffy's potential mother)

Buggy - clown may be the most normal of them all actually

Perona - another goth carries around what I can only assume is either the shrunken body of the zombie Kumashi or a plush replica enjoys using her hollows to make people momentarily horribly depressed cause she's mean like that has a very unique sense of what is and is not "cute" and judges harshly based on it (though I have to agree that tiny plush kumashi IS cute in a creepy sorta way)

Zoro - has sworn to take his head but also begged to train under him like it's weird Mihawk agreed to that but it's also weird that Zoro asked (outside of the context of needing to be able to protect his friends) is a dork who thought it'd be a good idea to fight with a sword in his mouth (It's a miracle he was right) and decided to pose when he thought he was gonna die as a wax statue cause obviously that's the important part

Okay. The buzz in my brain has stopped producing actual thoughts now. Mihawk is weird. I love him for it. His friends are weird. His husband is weird. If my brain ever allows it I'm trying to write an entire fic that's basically "Mihawk is actively trying to be the weirdest person anyone he meets has ever met" because it's my favorite Mihawk thing.