#{--not me out here hand-drawing another promo pic

[th-ramblr]

I'm wired a different way I'm not a mistake, I'm not a fake, It's set in my DNA

                                          ---------xXx---------

                       Indie Fandomless / Multifandom Mafia Wolf Shifter OC Affiliated with @eiinn-ulfr                                                      Strict 18+

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(Please DO reblog!) (Original Art by Cawcky (me) - Do not steal / repost / redistribute)

[y0noirs]

anyone want an analysis on the newest tears of themis MR cards from the cn server? no? here it is anyway. obvious spoilers for the new MR card set (empyrean touch) under the cut. you can see the PV here. you can see the cards in HD here, and the cards in video form here (credit to both nxx_eun_03 and NXXgallery respectively for those)

i’ll mostly be writing about the visuals of the cards and the imagery (in my own interpretation) in this post. there’s other analyses on twitter about other parts of the PV and the cards, but i just want to talk about the visuals because they are causing me great agony and yearning. also to note, for transparency’s sake: even though i look at the new cards, i do not read story spoilers that often. my frame of reference is still what’s released on the global server. even then, i mostly pay attention to my favorites (that being marius and luke). i may get things wrong or miss things. 

right off, the cards are referencing one of the pre-release(?) promotional pics for tears of themis, as well as the login screen in-game. there’s a great thread that analyzes it here, which i will be referencing here and there. for the most part, all you need to remember is that rosa is depicted as lady justice, or the greek goddess of truth, themis. depictions of lady justice include: scales, a blindfold, a sword, and a snake. artem, vyn, luke, and marius are in those respective positions, which the linked thread goes into.

also interesting is that there’s absolutely no dialogue in this PV. usually, the boys will have a line or two that they say, somewhat related to their MR card. but it’s just music and visuals here, which is interesting! not sure how exactly but it is!

side note, it’s interesting, given that the CN server is approaching the 3rd anniversary of the game, that they chose to return to this original promotional picture. the boys are wearing the same outfits and designs in the picture as they do in the MR cards. i believe we’re approaching a very important point in the story for the game, seeing as this set has a lot of implications for rosa and the boys. but enough of that - let’s get into me agonizing over these MR cards!

starting with luke, he’s already interesting right off the bat. you can notice that, of all the other leads, he’s not touching the statue at all. it’s already one thing that he was gripping a sword in the original promo pic to the point where he was bleeding, but it’s another to have him make absolutely no contact with the statue whereas the others are intimately touching it.

you could say that he’s in a position of worship with the statue. his face reaches up, tries to lay a kiss on the surface of the statue’s face, but doesn’t make it all the way. he’s kept his face close, almost as if that’s all he can let himself do. like it’s almost blasphemous to love a deity this intimately. additionally, his hand remains wrapped around the sword’s blade, but it no longer draws blood like it did in the promo pic.

this can be seen as growth. people have pointed it out, but the fact that he’s no longer bleeding could symbolize the fact that he’s no longer pushing himself as far for rosa’s sake in the story. their relationship, which was previously sort of unbalanced due to the lengths luke would go to for rosa’s happiness, is now one of equal standing. he is still very devoted to her and would likely do all he can for her, but he no longer keeps himself at length from her to preserve her happiness. he’s not hurting himself anymore when it comes to their relationship. 

he still has a lot of hang-ups, but he’s definitely devoted, almost worshipping rosa. and the aborted kiss in his card definitely reflects the yearning, and possibly the control he tries to maintain when it comes to her. 

next is artem in the position of the scales. he has a rather intimate position with the statue, but to focus on is how his hand holds onto the statue’s hand.

in the original promo pic, artem has his hand directly on the scales, almost as if he were keeping them balanced. however, in his MR card, he is instead holding up the statue’s arm, while the statue herself holds the scales on her own. i believe this symbolizes a sort of equality in their relationship. one of the more concerning things between artem and rosa is the fact that they were in a working relationship where artem was technically rosa’s boss. however, they moved past that as much as possible as they became partners.

with the support he offers to the statue’s arm, as well as his arm around the waist, i believe his MR card evokes how artem supports rosa. their relationship isn’t unbalanced - instead, he provides support and guidance when she needs/wants it. through her struggles, artem will keep her steady, and when it comes to justice, he will assist her. he doesn’t influence her sense of justice. i don’t think he ever has. he always supports her view as much as possible.

i think his MR card has depicted their relationship in a very lovely and intimate way. in the context of worship, he will trust in her judgment, because he trusts her wholeheartedly.

the meaning of the blindfold is, as we know it, the protrayal of “justice is blind.” as the thread linked above says, it was also a depiction of deception. however, the statue in the MR shows that themis herself is removing the blindfold, while the promo pic has vyn simply holding the blindfold, possibly taking it off.

of note is that vyn is holding rosa’s chin up, as well as pressing a kiss to the blindfold/her eyes. he also has the other end of the blindfold in his other hand, signifying that he is taking off her blindfold with her. my initial belief was that his lips on her blindfold was a reminder that justice must remain impartial as possible. that she must remain steadfast in her judgment.

after further thinking, i believe that vyn truly is taking off her blindfold so that she can see the world as it really is. throughout the story, he doesn’t really shy away from showing her the truth of things. vyn taking off her blindfold is a reflection of that, but holding her chin up symbolizes how he will support her in the struggles she may have while facing the truth. his hand is a reminder that she will struggle. that the truth is often not pretty. the cracks on the statue’s face reflects this. but he will be there for her, to help her through her hardship. there’s an almost melancholy expression on her face that implies he knows what sort of hardships she will have.

even if it hurts her, even if he is aware of the suffering she will face, he will be there for her to encourage her through the pain. 

the hand that marius holds is supposed to hold the scales of justice. in his MR card, though, the statue no longer holds them; instead, he has entwined their hands together with a necklace that has a snake on it.

there were a lot of theories of marius in the place of the snake for the original statue. with the snake being the symbol of evil, and the original statue of lady justice stepping on a snake to symbolize her triumphing over evil, it was almost like they were setting marius up for this position of betrayal and evil - especially since he and his family are so closely associated with serpents.

but in the in-game login screen, the statue of themis is not stepping on the snake. there was never going to be a scenario where rosa would defeat marius or anything. marius’ MR card means something entirely different, with meanings completely true to him and the development of their relationship.

by entwining their hands with the snake necklace, marius is willingly involving rosa with his family and his name. his hold on her hand is gentle and intimate, almost in the same degree of worship as luke. he boldly holds her close, leaning in as if to whisper in her ear.

i personally think that the act of whispering in her ear is marius is trying to ask/beg something of her. marius is not the type to burden others, keeping his suffering close to his chest so that he can appear the tall, confident heir to pax. with his position of bringing her close, whispering in her ear, and entwining their hands, he makes a request: to bear the burden of his name and legacy, maybe even help him purge the evil in his name. again, marius is not the type to ask for help. but as he grows closer to rosa, and grows more selfish, he will allow himself to burden her and request things of her. it’s a very good reflection of how his character progresses through the story.

anyway that’s a lot of words to describe how insane this MR set makes me. the yearning and love, the accurate symbolization and representation of character growth and dynamics, this is a very beautiful card set. i can’t wait for when this comes to global, and i can’t wait to see what 3rd anniversary has in store (:

(and just a reminder - this is all very biased and possibly even inaccurate. most importantly, this is my interpretation. i’m open to talking about it, though, because holy hell this MR card set makes me insane!)

[puppyluver256]

[Image Description: A fat woman with light skin, shoulder-length curly blonde hair, and blue eyes. She is wearing tan eye shadow and lipstick, a sparkly purple sleeveless dress with periwinkle trim, two large turquoise and pink star emblems with white tinsel on her chest and hip, a pink pearl necklace and matching bracelet on one hand, gold and silver bracelets on the other hand, red nail polish on her hands, blue open-toed heels, and maroon nail polish on her feet. She has one hand held up at her chest and the other held out as though offering the viewer to admire her beauty as she smiles. The background is a gradient of blues, with pastel rainbow stars overlaid on top. End ID.]

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Happy Art Fight! A certain someone was overambitious again and only just now got around to finishing their first attack of the year, we won't mention any names but it's me X3

Anyway, this pic of Tallulah here is actually an honorary revenge for last year, hehe. Honestly tho, she was really fun to draw, and I think this is my best attempt at a more natural-looking distribution of fat on a fat character, either so far or in a while. I have been trying to get more practice with drawing varied body shapes for some time, and I think in this specific instance, the reference images provided for Tallulah having her in more form-fitting fancy dresses helped me better figure out how her personal fat distribution works. That and me changing up the way I do shading made her outfit come out really nice too, hehe. Decided to design another outfit for her rather than just use one of the ones provided cuz that was a suggested thing to do for her, hope it looks like something she'd actually like to wear :3

~No promo links for good sportsmanship, show some love to all the artists of Art Fight!~

Tallulah Larimar © @forestfairyunicorn / @forestfairyunicorn Artwork © PuppyLuver Studios

[accio-victuuri]

The GG & Li-Ning & Xianjiang Cotton Situation

I was asked to give my opinion. This is also for other bxgs who may have the same sentiment. You don’t have to agree with me but i hope you respect whatever it is I choose to share here. This is my blog and my space. I maintain this out of my pure enjoyment of the fandom and all the good it has given me. So let me address some of the points.

Li-Ning boasts their use of XinJiang Cotton

My simple answer here is, of course they will. This is not something new. Li-Ning is a celebrated olympic medal winning gymnast. A billionaire. You don’t get to that place in CHN w/out supporting the government’s agenda. In this case, that there is no injustice and persecution going on in Xinjiang. This brand, boasting about China made cotton, in their terms, shows patriotism and support for their country. This brand’s literal goal at first was to provide a local brand for Chinese athletes to wear in the Olympics. This is also not the first time that Li-Ning had been called out along w/ other international brands due to questionable ethical practices.

I find it very hard to believe that the timing of GG’s massive Li-Ning ad campaign, coinciding as it has with these Western brand boycotts, was a coincidence.

Let’s get this out of the way. Whether the boycott happened or not, Li-Ning is guaranteed an insane amount of sales because they hired Xiao Zhan. This is the same man who always sells out products in seconds. Who took KXZ to 200% growth and so on. I can talk about stats all day but this massive campaign for him is a no brainer. GG is expensive and a guaranteed success. Any brand who hires him will be stupid to not launch an all out campaign across all cities. Li-Ning knows what they are doing by hiring him. For years, they have been trying to appeal to Gen Z. Especially now that youth in CHN are more and more into the “guochao” (国潮) - National trend. Integrating traditional chinese culture and fashion w/ domestic brands. This ties in with the whole movement of erasing the connotation that made in china is of inferior quality. GG was a good choice. He appeals to the younger generation (19-25) and the working class ( 26 and up ) who buys goods. I would imagine even GG’s team did their research and knows this trend is going on too. This will not be the last you will see of this type of endorsement from him or Web. The rumors on this collaboration was going around as early as, March 15 I think? I was literally asking another bxg if GG’s ad will be pushed back a day or two because of what was happening. or what will this all implies. He was always gonna come out and endorse this brand boycott or not.

I am not removing the possibility that these local brands have a hand in the boycott. It’s a very valid concern. or that, it was a convenient perfect storm for them. A perfect storm of EU, US & CAN sanctioning CHN. The sudden attack on brands’ statements against Xinjiang cotton from a year ago. The whole agenda of controlling the people’s view on what is happening. All of these are connected. sure. There are many things behind the scenes that we will not know but we can make an educated guess of. Li-Ning is not the only domestic brand that had a positive push because of this.

On 3/25 Li-Ning’s stock closed with a high of 10.74% , plus an added 9% on the 26th when GG was announced as ambassador. The same thing happened with Anta and others.

I find it very hard to stomach seeing Li-Ning ads on my dash, regardless of GG’s presence in them. Without condemning him for taking this endorsement deal, and without judging what he is or is not personally aware

I will just be addressing GG’s alleged part in all this. I say that cause we don’t live in his brain and won’t know what he’s thinking. You can all try and project your values on him but he is a whole person of his own. I have hopefully given some view on why GG accepted to endorse this brand in the previous point. GG has spent most if not all, of his life in China. He has repeatedly said that he was brought up traditionally. Tho his father was very encouraging in him participating in the arts and widening his knowledge. He had Foreign professors at CBTU. He is part of the generation that knows what’s going on outside by using the internet. He’s smart. I would guess that he is aware of the country he is living in vs what it’s like outside of it. But at the end of the day, his loyalty will always be with his country. I hate to break it to you all but he will continue to live and thrive as an Actor even without international support. Tho it is great that he is a source of National Pride with how people outside of China love him.

Now, about his support for Xianjiang Cotton. I wanna start by showing this:

It’s a post from People’s Daily wb which boasts all the c-ent top stars that voiced their support of XJ cotton. The sense is, hey people look at your idols supporting the cause. Look at their Patriotism. What do you think will happen if GG was not on this list? Knowing that he is a top star in CHN. Knowing he was just in hot waters post 22*? Knowing that he is actively being endorsed in CCTV which is a National Channel. Are we still surprised that he posted that support? I was just honestly waiting for him to post if anything. I talked before about how C-ent celebrities are expected ( and actually it’s in their law ) to be more morally upright than the lay people. This is prime example of that.

Another one is this from CCTV Wb. I’m including this for you all to have an understanding of how this whole thing is being played out in CHN. This is the type of online narrative that is going around and I would think GG is seeing. The sentiment is,

“No matter what hardships, ups and downs and blows go through in our country, her people will always come from all directions and stand up to speak justice and do just things.”

It’s also showing all the hot searches that is related in support of XJ cotton and defending CHN’s innocence.

Also this video that was heavily circulated showing mechanized picking of cotton vs the allegations of manual.

This is the kind of narrative that is going around, as expected. I don’t really fault GG or condemn him for doing what is best for him. What is the best for an individual does not always mean it’s the best for all. In talks like this, I always try and put myself in their position. I mean, who the hell are these people trying to attack my country? the country that has provided for me. I wanna say I understand where they are coming from but understanding does not mean agreeing. I see these A LOT. ALOT ON WEIBO. The China vs. Everyone story. It’s the notion of, they are attacking us and we must protect the country. Also keep in mind that news is heavily regulated.

You know what type of news the CCP would love for them to get a hold of? The rising attacks on Asians in the US. Oh boy they would fuckin love that! Making America the big/bad asian-hating boogeyman in the eyes of their people yet again.

Okay, now we’re down to the final part of this. Why do I share the promo pics for Li-Ning. Where do i draw the line.

To me it’s simple. It had GG in it. I was waiting for this to come out, and tbh, would you all even know about this brand’s practices if the boycott didn’t happen? No. This is a bjyx blog where i share things about them. That includes ad, dramas, pictures and videos. I understand if people don’t feel comfortable w/ Li-Ning ads and others, so just don’t like those posts. Did I buy anything from the collection? No. Did I buy multiple copies Web’s single Youth in Times ( like i do with his other singles )? No. That’s where I draw the line in this. I know we’re all gonna be put on a tight spot again once Faith Makes Great comes out. Once I saw that leaked pic, Ooohhh! I just know. Also if BAH adds some propaganda about CHN’s war on drugs. I am just waiting. I am ready. I know what my values are. I will not allow other people to dictate who I am. I know what type of content I’m only gonna be sharing.

I see this very forceful air of asking bxgs to take a stand on this ( always bxg, never the other side. always us of course even if we are the minority) and it really puts me off. I read someone say that they will not say anything because they don’t owe strangers on the internet an explanation. Which is true. I have separate spaces that I share my views on world/local issues. Accounts that show my actual name and around people I know in real life. That’s what I choose to do for myself. I started this blog for myself and i still find it very bizarre that people follow this account. I am not some sort of KOL, let’s get that straight. This is just a blog where I talk about things if i want to and SCREAM about GG and Web too much. I will probably not answer any follow up questions on this cause i feel like I have addressed a good chunk of it.

Just know that whatever I post on here in support of GG and his projects does not equate to my entire political/moral stand regarding this event or any. It’s really good that we have conversations like this cause it’s an important one.

Whew! That was a long post! 😅

[peaceoutofthepieces]

chapter 20

Fake Making-It

Social Media AU

previous chapter

~^~

Jens opens the door either a moment too soon or a moment too late. Sander and Lucas are already standing outside, as he’d thought, and are deep in conversation. Jens stands frozen in the doorway and waits for them to notice him. In that time, he takes in Lucas’s frown and Sander’s comforting hand on his shoulder. Lucas had been speaking before Jens opened the door, then he cut himself off abruptly.

Now they’re both staring at him. Silent.

Jens takes in the tension laced through Lucas and the frustration obvious in his face and feels nerves bubble up in him. He thought he had come prepared today, but now he’s doubting himself. He swallows as Lucas meets his eyes, but miraculously manages not to look away. They’re sort of friends, now, right? They’ve come a long way since their first meeting, at least. He doesn’t have to be so anxious. One simple look from Lucas should not tear his stomach to shreds.

It’s a little nerve-wracking, however, when Lucas slips away from Sander’s hand and brushes past Jens without a word.

Jens twists his head to look after him for a moment, then turns back to Sander and tries not to appear too awkward or concerned. “Everything okay?” he carefully asks.

Sander is still looking after Lucas, seeming pained, and then he looks at Jens and blinks. “Yeah, of course,” he smiles. “Sorry, we’re a little late.”

Nothing about this is very convincing. Jens wouldn’t consider himself a people expert, and he’s especially not overly familiar with Sander, but even he can tell that his smile is a little forced and his body strung a little too tight. He doesn’t think they were fighting. It didn’t even really seem like they were arguing.

But there’s definitely a shared tension between them. Jens doesn’t understand why this makes him simultaneously curious and more anxious.

“You’re fine,” he says, stepping back and beckoning Sander in, shutting the door behind him.

They’re using the front room in Jens’s apartment as a studio space. He hadn’t thought much ahead before offering it up, but Sander had barely paid attention when he first showed up and gave Jens no reason to fret. He hadn’t really cared what Sander would think either way.

He may have taken a little extra care this morning. (Or in the last hour, after waking up late and proceeding to rush around like a mad man.) Robbe may have raised his brows at him in teasing surprise when he showed up, and it may have made Jens feel even more silly for being so nervous.

But no matter how friendly their texts seem to have gotten, Lucas is still very intimidating.

Jens has no idea how they’re supposed to interact in person, and it doesn’t help that Lucas already seems to be in a rather dull mood. He isn’t sure why he expects Sander to continue to try to do something about it. Instead the blond lingers back with him as Lucas greets Robbe, smiling now as Robbe offers him a bro-handshake. Jens lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he was holding at the sight, feeling a smile of his own grow as Robbe immediately strikes up a friendly conversation with the other man.

It’s not that he’d been nervous about Robbe, but well, he imagines that it isn’t easy. He doesn’t know how Robbe does it.

Lucas is already shrugging his bag off his shoulder and pulling out his sketchbook and his camera. Jens feels anticipation bubble in the pit of his stomach.

“Hey,” he greets, once they’re close enough, and to his delight, Lucas glances up and offers him something like a smile. “Everything good?”

Robbe nods as Lucas says, “Yep. Or, well, depends. What’s the plan?”

He looks to Jens for direction, and Jens forces himself not to stutter, instead simply turning to Robbe for help.

“Uh, well,” Robbe thinks, glancing between them all before finally settling on Sander. Jens hopes he’s the only one who notices how Robbe’s cheeks flush. “You don’t urgently need to work with Jens today, do you?”

Sander blinks at him, then quickly shakes his head.

“Okay, well I filmed a little bit of your shoot with Jens the other day, and I’ve been thinking I could edit it into like a promo to sort of announce things before we release the actual pics? But I was hoping I could maybe get your opinion on it first.”

“That’s a really cool idea,” Sander says, brightening. The smile on his face appears much more genuine than before. Jens supposes that’s what a passion can do. He hopes it’ll have the same effect on Lucas.

Robbe looks to Lucas and then to him, smiling as well. “That’s if you guys are happy enough to work this out yourselves? I’m sure Lucas knows what he’s doing, and I mean we’ll just be here if you want another opinion on anything.”

Jens raises his brows as Lucas glances at him.

Lucas offers Robbe a nod and a smile. “Sounds good.”

Jens notes that he doesn’t speak to or even glance at Sander as Robbe guides him to the small table in the corner while Jens and Lucas remain at the island. Jens hesitantly takes a seat, then gestures for Lucas to do the same, trying to remind himself to be both chill and professional. He’s usually able to manage it at meetings. Maybe it’s being in his home that makes it feel a little more personal.

“Hi,” he repeats, watching Lucas’s concentrated frown as he skims through his sketchbook.

Lucas looks up at him and seems, again, vaguely amused. “Hi.” He skims his gaze over Jens, tilting his head curiously. “Are you always this nervous?”

No, Jens thinks. Just with you.

“Sometimes,” he says.

Lucas huffs, smiling now as he looks back down. “Don’t be. I’m the one preparing to be criticised this time.”

“You were very intimidating last time we spoke.”

“Because I told you to watch it?” Lucas raises a brow at him.

Jens blanks, then remembers their text conversation from yesterday and flushes. “No, I mean, the last time we actually spoke. At the first meeting.”

“Ah.” Lucas nods. “In person. That usually makes me less intimidating.”

“Why?” Jens’s brow furrows.

Lucas raises his brows again and gestures at himself. Jens takes him in. His curls are as artfully styled as ever, falling over his forehead in messy waves, and below that his eyes are a stunning blue. He’s wearing another loose shirt, this time black with a light floral pattern. Jens can see the collar of a tee poking out underneath. Along with that, Lucas is wearing skin-tight jeans and shiny black boots along with his usual assortment of jewelry, rings adorning his fingers and silver bracelet glinting from his wrist. Jens wonders if any of them are gifts from Sander.

“I don’t get it,” Jens says. He means it. Lucas is beautiful. He looks like the true model here. It’s part of what intimidates Jens so much.

Lucas wiggles his fingers at him, showing off dark purple nails, then flexes a skinny arm. “Very intimidating, I imagine.”

Jens frowns. “You don’t need to be brawny to be intimidating. Honestly, I think I’m probably more intimidated by pretty people. Especially when they’re confident.”

Lucas stares at him for a minute, and Jens must imagine the flush on his cheeks, because then he snorts and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, okay, you basically just described yourself.”

Jens grins in surprise, but before he can say anything else, Lucas is spinning his sketchbook around and shoving it towards him, then digging back into his bag. Jens drags his gaze away and down to the paper in front of him. It’s littered in designs, different emblems and patterns interlocking across the double page. There are a few combinations of his initials, which he supposes also work well with a self-titled album. As much as Jens felt creative with words in the songwriting process, naming the songs and especially the album had been a frustratingly difficult task, so much so that he’d eventually just settled on JENS.

Robbe has been very skeptical, but Jens’s label seemed to think it was a good choice, and that was good enough for him. It wasn’t about the names or the titles, anyway.

Lucas seems to have also recognised this, and there are some heavy references to the actual music in some of the sketches. Lucas has sprinkled waves and rain and other forms of water throughout some of the designs, or focused on them entirely. Along with that are cages and chains, locks and keys, and beautiful wings.

Jens instantly falls in love with all of them, and then turns the page only to find more. He lets out a long breath. “How much time did this take you?”

He looks up in time to see Lucas shrug. He’s now staring down at an iPad. “Not that long. I might’ve stayed up a little longer than I should have, though.” He shrugs again, and now Jens believes the flush crawling up his neck has to be real. “The album gave me a lot of ideas.”

Jens nods. He hovers his fingers over some of the sketches, leaning down to admire them in closer detail.

Lucas makes a small sound of triumph, and then slides the iPad on top of the sketchbook. “I did a few out then on some rough clothing sketches, just to get an idea what they’d look like brought to life and put together. This doesn’t take that long, so if there’s any ideas you’d like me to group or something we could spend a while messing around with that. Or as long as you tell me, I can do it when I go home.”

“Everything is amazing.” Jens shakes his head, awed. He blows out another breath and laughs slightly as he looks up at Lucas. “I don’t know how you expect me to choose anything. None of these should be left out. Fuck, this one’s amazing.” He taps his finger on a sketch of drooped wings encased in a golden birdcage. He takes the iPad and lets Lucas draw the sketchbook back towards himself to examine, humming quietly in agreement.

He knew Lucas was talented. He’d gone after him for that exact reason. But seeing how quickly he’s managed to create all of this, how easily he’d brought the images in Jens’s words to life—he’s in awe. As well as that, he’s managed to implement the designs onto hoodies and t-shirts and sweatpants and hats and everything in between. Excitement floods through Jens at the prospect of getting to wear one himself, never mind seeing such items on anyone else. He smiles secretly to himself as he imagines Lucas donning a sweatshirt with his initials embroidered on the chest.

He doubts Lucas would ever sacrifice his beloved reputation to such an extent, or like Jens that much in the first place, but he’s allowed to dream.

“Yeah, I’m never going to be able to choose. I’m so sorry for making this more difficult but you’re just—this is just too good.” Jens shakes his head, still scrolling through the different images, and Lucas huffs.

“I didn’t expect you to be such a suck-up,” Lucas teases.

Jens looks up at him, exaggeratedly rolling his eyes. Then he lets his expression turn earnest and shrugs. “I’m telling the truth, like I hope you did with me.” He’d been relieved, and pleased, when Lucas had given such a kind review of his album yesterday. It was almost hard to believe. He’d instantly gone and listened to the third and last songs again, the ones Lucas had said were his favourite, and had a smile on his face for the rest of the day.

Lucas’s smile slips now, and some of Jens’s nerves come back. Lucas clears his throat and snaps his sketchbook closed, setting it aside so he can pull his camera towards him. “We can ask Robbe for his opinion, later? It might help. Even if you’re just able to rule things out together.”

Jens suddenly remembers his best friend only a few feet away, and Lucas’s boyfriend with him, and quickly glances over his shoulder. He’s been doing well, every other day, at keeping an eye on them. He knows how easily Robbe could get hurt or upset, no matter how much he protests that he’s getting over his crush perfectly fine. Jens knows it’s far from the truth, both because he knows the full capacity of Robbe’s feelings and because it must be ten times harder to get over someone you see every day. He knows Robbe avoids contacting Sander now outside of work as much as he can. He knows it isn’t easy, and he’s been doing his best to provide a comforting buffer.

Now, though, he turns around just in time for Robbe to start giggling as Sander talks animatedly. Robbe is staring at his laptop screen instead of Sander, and his cheeks are flushed, but he’s smiling wide. Not upset, not yet, but quite possibly digging himself into a hole. Sander, at least, appears oblivious, happy and excited as he makes a dozen hand gestures and leans farther across the table to get a better look.

“Yeah, we’ll do that when they’re done,” he agrees, shooting a smile back at Lucas.

Lucas is watching Robbe and Sander, too, the furrow back between his brows. Jens remembers the sour mood that he’d arrived in, the tension between him and Sander, and resists asking if everything is okay. He’s told Robbe enough times, when he was mourning over Sander, that it’s none of their business. He shouldn’t be the one to butt in now.

He gently hands Lucas’s iPad back to him instead, then raises his brows. “Meanwhile, do you want a snack? Or something to drink?”

Lucas smiles at him. “Oh, he remembers to be a good host.”

Jens pulls a face at him. His heart flutters when Lucas actually laughs in response. “Five seconds and I retract my offer,” he threatens.

“Water would be nice, maybe,” Lucas acquiesces instantly. “And if you have any chocolate, I won’t say no.”

“Huh, sweet tooth. Noted.” Jens winks at him, pushing to his feet and glancing back at the other two co-workers. “Sander, can I get you anything?”

Sander quickly looks at him and shakes his head, and his eyes slide on over to Lucas and he tries for a smile. Lucas either truly misses it or pretends not to notice.

Jens bites down his questions once more. “Robbe?” He waits for his friend to shake his head and then goes to fetch water and chocolate for Lucas. A few minutes later, when Lucas has eaten half of the biscuits on the plate Jens had left out and is taking a sip of his water, Jens decides on a safer line of interrogation. “So, how many times did you actually end up listening to the album?”

Lucas rolls his eyes. “Those two times. And then the first few songs again because Sander joined me and he’d missed those.” Lucas pauses, blinking at Jens with wide eyes. “I hope that’s okay.”

Jens waves him off. “Yeah, obviously. I don’t expect you to keep anything from Sander, especially when you share a room.” He raises a brow. Lucas doesn’t react. “Besides, you both signed the contracts. Sander’s in our trust, too.”

“Okay,” Lucas nods, smiling slightly again. Jens’s chest warms. “That’s good, then.”

Jens smiles back at him, and they sit in silence for a moment, considering each other. Jens realises Lucas’s attention isn’t making him as anxious anymore. Their texting relationship seems to have actually carried over into real life, and he’s relieved.

Lucas takes another sip of his water and then grabs his camera again. “How do you feel about doing a practice shoot? I might even be able to mess around and edit some of the designs onto you then. Plus it’ll be a lot easier when the time comes if I’m already familiar with you and your angles and the lighting and everything.” Lucas waves a hand.

Jens bites down his smile and nods in acceptance. “Okay, sure. Just tell me where you want me.”

It turns out his nerves aren’t entirely gone. It’s different, when he’s sitting on a stool and Lucas is focusing entirely on how he looks. It’s different when there’s a camera pointed at him and Lucas is the one behind it. He doesn’t want to mess up. He doesn’t want to frustrate Lucas, and he doesn’t want to look like an idiot.

It turns out this makes the whole process more difficult.

“Are you always this tense?” Lucas asks, vaguely concerned, and Jens’s shoulders tense further. Lucas sighs. “Don’t act so much like you’re posing. Just, do whatever feels comfortable.”

Jens wriggles on the stool. He draws a leg up. Puts it back down again. He leans forward to rest his arms on his knees and almost falls off the stool, which is too high for that position to work. He leans back and crosses his ankles, tucking his hands in his pockets.

Lucas snaps a photo, then considers it with a frown. He examines Jens again. “Maybe spread your legs?” He suggests.

Jens instantly raises his brows and smirks slightly, just to see Lucas rolls his eyes and set an unimpressed hand on his hip. Jens relents and spreads his legs, planting his feet and letting his hands dangle between his knees.

Lucas takes another photo and stares at it for a moment. Then he says, “How about we go outside?”

Jens blinks at him. “Why?”

“Because if you’re just walking around, not posing, I might get something more natural. I can tell you’re not feeling this.”

Lucas isn’t exactly wrong. The only thing Jens is feeling right now is sick. He’s twitchy and his stomach keeps rolling and Lucas’s gaze is too intense. He can’t sit still. Maybe it will help if he doesn’t have to.

“You’re the expert,” he says. “I can go wherever you want me.”

Lucas shakes his head. “No. Wherever you want. Somewhere you’re a little more in your element.”

Jens thinks, then nods. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Lucas grins, letting his camera settle around his neck. He moves back to the island and collects the coat he’d abandoned there, the same denim jacket with the fluffy collar he’d worn the first time they’d met. He slides his arms into the sleeves and turns to the other two men in the flat, clicking his fingers once to get their attention. “We’re going out to take some photos. Do you two wanna come with?”

Jens doesn’t know if he wants them to. The possibility of being alone with Lucas is terrifying and thrilling all at once. He decides this thought in itself is enough to make up his mind. He shoots a panicked, pleading look at Robbe, but Robbe is already looking at Lucas and nodding his head. He doesn’t seem to notice Sander’s frown.

“Yeah, sure,” Robbe agrees, and Jens lets out a breath of relief. He supposes his friend likely doesn’t want to be left here alone with Sander, either. “Where are we going?”

“Wherever Jens wants.” Lucas fiddles with his camera for a moment. “He needs to chill.”

Robbe raises his brows as Sander blinks. There’s a hint of a laugh in Robbe’s tone. “Jens needs to chill?”

“He’s always been chill with me,” Sander agrees, confused.

Lucas looks up to blink at them, then at Jens, amused. “Do I scare you that much?”

Jens flushes and pointedly ignores Robbe’s giggle. “No. I’m just, stressed. We’re releasing the first music video and announcing the album in two weeks and I’m very aware of all the things that could go wrong and how shitty I’ll probably feel.”

That shuts them up fairly quickly. Sander simply offers a sympathetic smile and Lucas’s expression softens as he seems to search for something to say. It’s Robbe, however, who raises to his feet and grabs Jens by the shoulders, squeezing reassuringly. “You won’t. It’ll be amazing, and we’re going to spend the entire day celebrating. Right now, Lucas is right. We should go out and have fun.”

“You definitely need it,” Lucas agrees, tilting his head towards the door, brows raised.

“Come on.” Robbe slaps his shoulder. “Skate park? It’s been a long time.”

Jens sucks in a breath, then slowly lets it out as he nods. They spend a moment collecting coats, keys, and boards, and then Jens ushers them all out and locks the door behind them. Robbe leads the way outside and down the sidewalk, and Jens half hopes Lucas will instantly rope him into conversation and start giving orders. Instead Sander slips an arm over Lucas’s shoulders and speaks to him quietly, and after a moment Lucas is nodding and leaning into his side.

Jens looks away and catches Robbe’s gaze, then falls into step alongside his best friend, bumping his shoulder. “Okay?” he asks quietly.

Robbe gives him a tight smile and a nod and Jens ruffles his hair.

The skatepark is relatively empty, but the people who are there continuously sneak glances at the group, whispering and grinning between themselves. Jens sees a guy pointing his phone at them. This isn’t entirely unusual, but it doesn’t help him destress.

“Just ignore them,” Robbe reminds him. “But be aware I’m gonna post a few stories because people are starting to ask if you’ve died.”

Jens rolls his eyes, but he does his best to listen. He looks to Lucas first, who merely waves his hand in a ‘go ahead’ gesture. He realises soon that it does help. It’s been a while since he’s skated, but it still loosens him up like it used to, still gets his blood rushing and allows him a few moments of freedom. He flips off Robbe’s phone and winks at Lucas’s camera and doesn’t really allow himself to think about either, or the way Sander is watching over Lucas’s shoulder and occasionally directing him, both of them smiling and bickering now.

He finally rejoins them and plops himself down on top of the half pipe, where Lucas immediately comes to kick at his thigh. “Weird question, but can I have a go?”

Jens blinks up at him, noticing how he’s rocking on his heels with barely constrained energy, and raises his brows. “Skating?”

“Yeah?” Lucas raises his eyebrows back. “Is that a no?”

“Uh, no, go for it. I mean, if you can.”

Lucas huffs, carefully setting his camera and his jacket on the ground next to Jens before picking up his board. He plants it at the top of the ramp, a foot balancing it on the edge, and cocks an eyebrow at Jens again before he’s racing down the ramp with a wave.

Jens stares after him, astonished, as he navigates the park on Jens’s board with ease. He barely notices Robbe and Sander sitting down with him until Sander wolf-whistles and Lucas flips him off as he passes. Jens feels something thrum in his stomach as he watches Lucas and can’t quite figure out what it is.

When Lucas finally comes to a stop below them, flicking his hair off his forehead, Jens gives an exaggerated clap. Lucas simply grins up at him, eyes considering as he holds the board up for Jens to take, then requests, “Pass me my camera?”

Jens does so without question, and Lucas’s lips curl as he looks up at him and then snaps a photo. “I just have to capture the utter shock and awe on your face right now.”

Jens sets a hand on his thigh and stares down at him, unimpressed, but his brow furrows slightly as the camera goes off again.

Lucas takes it away from his face and examines the image he’d taken, pursing his lips slightly. “Not bad. Who knew you could actually be sort of photogenic.”

Jens pulls a face at him as he grins and draws himself up next to Sander, who immediately leans in to look at the photos he’s taken. Lucas doesn’t hesitate to lean towards him, this time, and then he’s laughing at whatever Sander says, turning towards him with a dazzling smile Jens hasn’t seen yet. Their faces are so close they could kiss.

Robbe seems to have the same thought and looks away, showing Jens his hurt expression for an instant before focusing steadily out at the skatepark, his pinched lips the only visible sign of jealousy.

Jens has to look away, too, and finds himself mimicking the expression. It’s only then that he recognises the heavy feeling in his own stomach as the same emotion. He doesn’t know how he didn’t notice it before. Jealousy has never been foreign to him.

He darts another glance at Lucas, in shock and slowly expanding terror, and notes how his heart flutters and then pinches as he throws his head back and laughs and Sander reaches out and fixes his hair for him.

Oh, fuck.

~^~

tag list: @allthewayornowayy @wedarkacademia @lockerfivethreefive @yellowballoon @gucciboner @nora-keinwitz @moonskam @painfully-oblivious @zoenneforever @akucecilia @hischbabe @evaksobbe @alittleemo @boring-side-effect @franboos

next chapter 

[travllingbunny]

Clarke Griffin’s memories and images in her mindspace

 In this post I will list all the drawings from Clarke's mindspace seen in season 6 of The 100 (in episodes 6x06, 6x07 and 6x10) that we have been able to spot - most of which (over 90 of them! Yes, this is gonna be a long post) we've been able to identify, with image comparisons to scenes from the show. 

First, credit where credit is due: this idea first came from @ofnailbatsandaxefives who identified many of the drawings and made a bunch of side to side comparisons last year after 6x07 aired in this post. 

I later tried to identify the rest of the drawings, with the help of a few people here and on Twitter (rewatching the show also helped), but this resulted in an endless number of reblogs. Episode 6x10 Matryoshka also had more drawings that weren't in 6x07 Nevermind, some images were misindentified, and I decided to redo all the images with better resolution screencaps. 

Big thanks to everyone who helped in identifying some of the trickier images (many of them are on Twitter and I don’t know if they have Tumblr profiles), especially (Twitter handles) SheiGarche (who identified several of these and corrected some of my mistakes), Lovestory813, BellarkeMood, taunadora, becki_travels, fabiana_vec, indreamswake, KindZouzou and my Tumblr mutual @jeanie205​ (I’m sorry if I forgot anyone).

See also my earlier post about Sets, props and costumes in 6x07 Nevermind.

As a BONUS in addition to the images on Clarke’s memory wall, I’ll also go over audio flashbacks heard at the end of 6x06, in 6x07 and 6x10 -  as a mix of voices representing Clarke’s jumbled memories. Many of them can be heard and identified in the episodes, but special thanks to (Twitter user) klarksbell for removing the background sounds from the scenes so some of the background voices could be heard clearer. 

(In a follow-up post. I’ll go over Clarke's drawings from her Shallow Valley home in season 5, which we also saw in the mindspace version of her Shallow Valley home in her happy place; and those we saw in season 5, many of which overlap as the set was re-used for 6x07. I’ve also noticed that the art department used many of these drawings for the drawings representing Clarke’s memories on her mindspace wall.)

Before I start listing the moments from Clarke’s memory wall - her mindspace version of the actual cell in Skybox she used to be locked in on the Ark - let’s compare the two different versions of this wall. The first one was seen in the very last scene of 6x06 Memento Mori - where we first learned Clarke was still alive (yeah, yeah, of course no one really bought it that she was dead ;) but it was still such a Hell yeah moment) and in 6x07 Nevermind.

But when we saw Clarke in her mindspace again in 6x10 Matryoshka, the walls were different: there were at least 3 new images that weren’t seen in 6x07, and many other images were moved around and placed in different ways. Which does make sense, as Clarke’s mindspace was reacting to her states of mind, so we should probably assume it was always changing, with different memories being more or less prominent at any given time. 

And finally here are the identified images with side-by-side comparisons. Some were obvious and taken straight from the scenes (I've been told there's a software for that), others are a bit less straightforward (and several of them were also seen as Clarke's drawings in season 5).

I'm going to do them chronologically, not by episode but by when those things happened in Clarke's life. 

Starting with the image of Clarke and Wells as children on the Ark (confirmed by Jason Rothenberg on Twitter). The closest thing in the show is the video of them Jaha watched in 1x12.

The next one was tricky as it's not a scene from the show either. It was first misidentified as Clarke watching what ALIE showed her in 3x16, nuclear plants melting on Earth, but that scene is shown in another drawing. It shows a young girl watching the Earth from the Ark.  We've decided that this is young Clarke on the Ark. I used the Octavia flashback scene from 1x06 for comparison to show this is a window on the Ark and a view from there (not because it's the same scene - which it can't be,as this wouldn’t be Clarke’s memory). But the girl looks younger and is touching the window as if yearning for Earth.

Flashbacks in 1x03, a year before the Pilot: Abby and Jake during the happy times; Jake when Clarke overheard him tell Abby that Ark was dying and he'd go public with it; Wells when Clarke told him about it.

1x01 - there are more images from the Pilot than from any other episode.

The first scene of the show - the image on the floor in the mindspace version of Clarke's cell in Skybox is the same image she drew on the floor of her actual cell.

This portrait of Abby seems to represent the next scene where Abby told Clarke she was being sent to Earth. When the camera zoomed on it in 6x06, we heard the dialogue from that scene over it ("Clarke, I love you so much!" -  "Mom?")

When the camera zoomed on this pic of Wells on the dropship in 6x07, we heard Wells' voice saying "Welcome back" as he did in that scene. 

I've been told that the inscription from the Ark we see below is a Chinese proverb that means, more or less, "A friend in need is a friend indeed".

"We're back bitches!" twice - the second is from Clarke's POV. The first one was one of the drawings Josephine touched and we (and Josephine) heard an audio flashback of it and this, uh, memorable line. 

Mount Weather - the first time Clarke saw it, after landing. 

 I spot the same image among Clarke's drawings we saw in her Shallow Valley home in season 5, though it was really tiny in the background.

More scenes from the Pilot:

1x03

It's a pity that the plan to have Eli Goree guest star in 6x07 didn't work out, but at least we had many Wells images and even in the voice memories - I clearly heard Clarke telling him "How can you forgive me?"/"I blamed you because my father's dead and it's my mother's fault."

1x04 Finn with one of the pencils from the shelter he found, trying to impress Clarke. 

1x05 Brief time of Clarke being happy and infatuated, right before Raven arrived and her heart got broken for the first time.

There was a bit of disagreement about this Bellamy image (or images). It shows up as a part of the drawing of him torturing Lincoln in the scene from 1x07 on one of the walls, but it also appears on its own on the ceiling:

@SheiGarche believes that, since this appears as a part of the Lincoln torture scene, the Bellamy image must be from that episode. However, while the rest of the scene 100% matches the 1x07 scene, Bellamy's image doesn't match - in posture or expression - anything from that episode.   On the other hand, especially when you look at the Bellamy image on its own, as it is on the ceiling, it looks most like a drawing based on the scene from 1x02 - "I heard you have a gun''...

I think that the ceiling drawing represents season 1 Bellamy in general, and was drawn based on the 1x02 scene. OTOH, the art department made the 1x07 image from the 1x07 scene but couldn't get a good Bellamy angle so they edited in that same Bellamy image in. You decide.

https://youtu.be/Cj37TWjBwvE?t=59

A Raven portrait, which is probably not about any particular scene (some images just represent certain characters), but it most closely matches this love-triangle moment from 1x08. 

The same portrait was seen as one of Clarke's drawings in season 5.

1x09 - negotiations with Anya and the Grounders on the bridge. Also the first time Clarke has ever seen horses in real life.

1x13 

Probably some of the Grounder warriors who got burned in the Ring of Fire, but this scene clearly indicated that Clarke was thinking about closing the door on Finn and Bellamy and that they may have been burned.

2x01

This image gave us so much trouble, until it turned out it was just a random woman from Mount Weather who yelled "CONTAINMENT BREACH!" when Clarke entered the mess hall dragging Maya and saw all the people sitting there.

Another one of character portraits that are probably not important for any particular scene or moment. But going by Miller's hair and facial hair, it can only be season 2 Miller at the time he and Clarke were both in MW (this is from 2x02).

Ending of 2x02:

2x03 - Escape from Mount Weather

2x04 Anya after Clarke beat the crap out of her and managed to win their fight. "You fought well".

Now a few more character portraits. This image of Raven with a brace doesn't 100% fit a scene from the show, but it looks a lot like this promo pic of her - except for her red jacket, which she wore in 2x05 when Clarke first saw her with a leg brace.

Since Jaha has a beard and hair, it can only be from season 2 or 3, which limits it to 2x07 or 3x16, the only times he and Clarke were in the same place. I used 2x07 image of non-chipped Jaha, when he came to Camp him and argued for Arkers leaving, pitting him against Clarke,as this would’ve meant abandoning her friends to their fate in MW.

Portrait of Indra - also probably not about any particular scene, but it looks like their first meeting in 2x07. It was also among Clarke's drawings in season 5.

2x08  This image is one of the few that were not seen on the memory wall in 6x07, but appeared in 6x10.  Maybe it's because the ALIE projection said in 6x07 her most painful memories were not on the wall - and the scene of Clarke killing Finn was only seen represented in her dark place by the pole and knife. Maybe she was able to process some of those memories better by 6x10?

2x09 Raven holding Finn’s dead body

This profile of Lexa is probably not from any particular scene, but a general image of the warrior leader/ally Lexa from S2. I used the scene of her making a speech in 2x15, but there were scenes in 2x09 (like when she told Clarke that Love is weakness) that looked similar.

2x10 Well, an attack by giant mutant gorilla would be pretty memorable to anyone.

2x11 I previously thought this image of people in radiation suits (also seen among Clarke's drawings in S5) was from 4x12/13, but looking more closely, now I think these are Mount Weather Ground unit guards - specifically, are Emerson and the other Mountain Man who tried to assassinate Clarke in 2x11. The outfits, helmets, guns are the closest match.

2x12 Clarke's guilt over letting the MW missile drop on the people in Tondc was referenced not just in 6x07 when her projection of Octavia called her out on writing her off there, but also in 6x10: 

Josephine: I wasn't always like this. 

Clarke: I know the feeling. I mean, look around you.

*Josephine looks at this big image on the wall*

2x15 - breaching the Mount Weather door

I'm about 95% sure that this picture of Lexa is her betrayal in 2x15.

2x16:

 "Together" - "Together"

3x01 The most important character in the show! LOL

...seriously though, this little bunny (? who looks more like a squirrel in the drawing?) that Clarke used as a bait to catch a panther, stands for the 3 months Clarke spent in wilderness.

The only image of Niylah on the wall. It's the scene when she lied to protect Clarke when Roan and a bounty hunter came looking for her.

Another character portrait not related to a specific scene, and another one that was seen as one of Clarke's drawings hanging in her Shallow Valley home in S5. Going by the hair and beard, it's seasons 3-4 Kane, so I used the scene of his and Abby's meeting with Clarke in 3x03.

3x04

3x07 - there are 3 images of Lexa from this episode

Lexa smiling during the talk in which she asked Clarke to stay - this is the most prominent of the images of Lexa (one of the images that appear multiple times on the wall + had a flashback). Seems these softer moments are larger in Clarke's mind than warrior/leader Lexa.

The second most prominent image of Lexa (one of the pictures the camera zoomed in on in 6x06, when we also heard the dialogue among the audio memories - "Can we talk about something else?" - "We don't have to talk at all").

and Lexa right after she was shot by Titus.

3x11 What turned out to be the most important of all Clarke's memories, as it contained info on the neural mesh and how Raven was freed from ALIE and that Clarke has to remove from the wall and hide from Josephine.

3x13  Luna, refusing the Flame

3x15 When Clarke didn't break and give ALIE the password and it almost cost her her mother's life. This drawing was previously misidentified as Murphy being hanged in S1 - some thought there were two hanging scenes, but there's just one and it's clearly indoors.

3x16 - there are several scenes from the City of Light. Including the image of the COL itself. You can see even see the tiny figures of Lexa and the people she's fighting.

What ALIE showed Clarke: the Earth, full of nuclear plants melting, telling her about the upcoming Praimfaya.

Clarke pulling the kill switch and destroying COL

One of the first things Clarke saw after returning from the City of Light was Murphy is one of his most heroic moments - pumping Ontari's heart so Clarke could take the Flame.

4x01 

 This one seems a bit random: it's a moment when Indra came and hugged Kane while Octavia, Clarke, Bellamy and Abby were already there in the Grounder shrine - but I think it's important as the scene when they all discussed what to do in the situation and Clarke told them all about Praimfaya.

Roan, after agreeing to an alliance because of Praimfaya, giving a public speech in Polis to say that 'an attack against the 13th clan is an attack on all of us'.

The drawing of Arkadia is another one that was hanging in Clarke's Shallow Valley home in season 5 - and was also seen in the mindspace version of that home in 6x07. I used a scene from 4x03.

4x04 There are 3 scenes from this episode, and all of them have to do with Jasper. The first two are two of Jasper's pranks: "floating" Jaha, and the prank Jasper pulled on Clarke. But the mood of the latter got ruined because he had already found the List before Clarke came in. (Josephine touched this drawing briefly in 6x07 and we heard the audio flashback: (Monty: "Clarke, wait..." - Clarke: "Really?" )

And what happened right after, in the same scene, when Jasper started telling everyone present about the List. (Jasper's angry comments can also be heard clearly among the mix of voices at the beginning of 6x07 - more about that later)

The portrait of Emori is probably from 4x07, when they had their first major interaction. It was also one of Clarke's drawings that could be glimpsed in the background in S5.

Skip the next one if you don't want to see an image of a person dying a gruesome and painful death in a radiation chamber.

4x08 The unfortunate Grounder thief from the Rock Line clan whose name we never learned, at the moment of his death.

4x10  Octavia in the Conclave - more of a symbolic representation (with the sigils around her). This was a very prominent drawing in Clarke's sketchbook that we saw a couple of times in season 5. 

4x11 Another one of the 3 images that weren't seen in 6x07 but were in the second version of the memory wall, in 6x10 - Clarke pointing a gun at Bellamy to stop him from opening the bunker door, before she broke down and cried. The drawing even shows Clarke’s hand with a gun.

4x12 the rocket in Becca's lab

4x13  Clarke being left behind in Praimfaya and watching her friends leave while she was aligning the satellite dish so they could get to the Ring and survive. 

This was also another prominent drawing from Clarke's sketchbook we saw in season 5.

There's another scene from 4x13, but that one happens 6 years later, so I'll come back to it later...

5x01 Post-Praimfaya

Polis was Clarke's destination after she left Becca's lab - trying and failing to open the door of the bunker after the temple had collapsed on it. Then realizing she'll be alone for at least 5 years.

Then she went to Arkadia, where she only found "ghosts" - the chest with Maya's music player, Jasper's goggles and his letter to Monty (as we saw in the flashback in Clarke's "dark place", where the chest played an important role).

The bird that kind of tried to eat Clarke (?), showed Clarke where Eden was, and then got thanked, shot and eaten by Clarke.

Shallow Valley

This image is both a memory of 6 year old Madi (not the moment they met, but when Clarke was drawing her while she was fishing), of Clarke drawing her and of the drawing she made and gave Madi to make friends with her.

Madi and Clarke, but some 6 years later.  This image was prominent of at the beginning of 6x07 when we saw a flashback of it when Clarke touched it ("I'm sorry they left without you" - "If I was with them, I never would've met you").

4x13 - 2199 days after Praimfaya: Gagarin transport ship, the moment when Clarke saw it clearly and realized it wasn't the ship she was hoping for ("Never mind, I see you"), but one to be afraid of.

5x03 - Makes snse that images of Diyoza, Shaw and McCreary are all from the episode where they captured and tortured Clarke.

5x04 

Bellamy reuniting with Clarke. 

Coming out of the bunker. 

 5x06  - Madi watching Octavia practice. 

5x09 - There were quite a few changes between the memory wall in 6x07 and 6x10, and the most obvious one was seen right after Clarke woke up in her mindspace - the big image of Bellamy when Octavia arrested him and right before Clarke left him at her mercy in Polis.

5x12 - This is one of the rare drawings that doesn’t fully represent a memory correctly as Clarke saw it. But it makes sense to me that Clarke remembers it this way - seeing Madi in pain when she zapped the shock collar to stop her from leaving and going to war. But in fact, the screenshot shows Madi shocked that Clarke put a shock collar on her. Clarke closed her eyes and had her back turned to Madi, because she couldn’t watch it when she actually zapped the shock collar,  and only heard her scream.

This was another drawing Josephine touched and had a flashback of (we  heard Madi screaming and Clarke saying “I won’t let you die in this war”), commenting "Child abuse dressed up as protection!"

5x13 - Clarke pulling the lever to close the door of the Gagarin ship, after waiting until the last moment for Bellamy to come in, closing the door after Bellamy, Monty, Emori and Murphy were inside and the missiles were already hitting the Earth.

One last image. It's clearly Madi, and with the horizontal placement of the drawing, I thought it was Clarke putting Madi in cryo. But it turns out the same image - only vertical - was one of her drawings she had in Shallow Valley in season 5... so, I don't know.

There are other images that we couldn't link to anything specific or weren't sure. Mostly locations, objects and nature images.   1) A forest? 2) Waterfall/rocky shore? 3) Rubble?) 

If anyone identifies any of them or notice other images or anything else, I’ll be editing and reblogging this post.

BONUS - audio memories

ending scene of 6x06

Lines I can hear:

over the image of Abby: Abby and Clarke in 1x01: "Clarke, I love you so much!" - "Mom?" 

 "I'm scared"? - this line can be heard clearly but I don’t know who it is. It sounds like a child, but I don’t thin Madi or Charlotte ever said it.

Finn in 1x01 when they see the deer: "No animals, eh?"

Madi in 5x11: "I love you, Clarke" (the entire line was “...but we’re on the wrong side of this war”

Clarke to Wells in 1x03, after learning the truth: "How can you forgive me?"

Madi to Clarke in 5x01, during the scene by the fire: "I'm sorry they left without you."

Bellamy trying to convince Clarke not to leave in 2x16 “You don’t have to do this alone”.

Clarke to Madi in 5x12, as she puts a shock collar on her: "I will not let you die in this war!" 

over the image of Lexa in bed with Clarke - Lexa and Clarke in 3x07: "Can we talk about something else?” - We don't have to talk at all." 

over the image of Bellamy: Bellamy to Lincoln in 1x07: "You're gonna give us the antidote or you're gonna wish you had". Other lines whispered in the background:

Bellamy in 2x16: "(If you want forgiveness) I'll give that to you" 

Bellamy during his reunion with Clarke in 5x04: "Clarke, you saved us all."

 "This is how we get to peace" (sounds like Bellamy but Clarke was the one who actually said it in 5x08)

Bellamy in 1x07: "Who we are and who we have to be to survive are two different things."

opening scene of 6x07

Clarke to Wells in 1x03: “I blamed you because my father’s dead and it’s my mother’s fault” (heard while Clarke is looking at the wall with the image of her parents, among others)

 (over the image of Wells) Bellamy: “Who else knows about this?” (in 1x04, when Clarke realized one of the Delinquents had killed Wells)

(also over the image of Wells) Wells: “Welcome back!” (1x01)

 (over the image of Roan & Lexa fighting in 3x04: “It’s always something with you!” – Roan to Clarke in 4x01 

we also hear Lexa’s and Roan’s grunts during their fight

(over the two images of Madi) Madi (5x11): “I love you, Clarke” 

Madi screaming when Clarke zaps the shock collar in 5x12

Two angry lines by Jasper are overlapping as the camera slides from Lexa to Bellamy:  

as we see Lexa in focus: “Truth hurts” - Jasper in 3x11, after ALIE!Raven blamed her for the deaths of Jake, Wells, Finn & Lexa

 as we see Bellamy in focus: “I found your list. I guess we know who really matters to you” (Jasper in 4x04)

Madi in 5x12: “I’m not a child anymore, Clarke. I’m the Commander, and my people are dying”

(ETA) Jasper yelling “We are Apogee!” and Clarke, Octavia, Monty and Finn yelling happily with him, just before he gets speared in the Pilot

Clarke in 3x11: “I let her get to me.”

the flashback to Madi and Clarke by the fire in 5x01 “I’m sorry they left without you” - “If I was with them, I never would have met you” 

more of Jasper’s ranting in 3x11: “I was going to save everyone!” (talking about his plans in 2x16 to kill Cage)

flashback to the Pilot, as we see the drawing on the floor: “Prisoner 319, face the wall!”  Some of the lower volume lines in the background, which can only be identified after the background noise was removed:

Bellamy to Clarke in 3x11, after ALIE!Raven had made her lost it: “I’ll let her beat me up for a while.” 

ALIE-controlled Raven yelling “Let me go!” in 3x11, when she’s trying to find out the location and help ALIE, and everyone grabs her and subdues her

Octavia in 2x16: “I know where my loyalties lie!” 

Bellamy in 5x09, when he brought Madi to see Clarke in her cell: “Clarke, this isn’t goodbye”.

I also hear someone yelling "Octavia!", and mentions of Jasper’s and Jaha’s names.

Josephine and Clarke  in 6x07 

Josephine touching images and we hear flashbacks of scenes from 1x01 (”We’re back, bitches!), 5x12 (Madi screaming when Clarke puts a shock collar and Clarke saying “I won’t let you die in this war”) and 4x04 (”Clarke, wait...” - “Really?” when Clarke got covered in foam as Jasper pranked her). There are many other whispered lines I don't recognize.

In 6x10, however, everything was mixed up -  Clarke's and Josephine's memories were all mashed up, because the boundaries between their minds were disappearing - so it’s pretty much impossible to make out anything. But Clarke’s memories are probably the same mix as in 6x07, because I can still hear Wells saying "Welcome back". 

If anyone notices something I did not, please tell - I will edit this post with any new info!

[pynkhues]

Good Girls Season 3 Trailer Breakdown

OKAY! Let’s do this. Since NBC hates giving episode content until after the episode airs, haha, we start off with two scenes from 2.13, namely the scene in Rio’s loft, and the follow-up with Beth convincing Annie and Ruby to go into business on their own.

Given these are our two starting points, it looks like they’re going to be what the season is exploring the fallout of, which isn’t really new information for us (although it might be to more casual viewers!) 

We jump into Beth’s house. I still have no idea what it is they’re wrapping up in the corner, so let’s talk about what Annie says instead:

“We print twenty mill. One big run.” 

Jenna’s said already that Ruby and Annie are both more reluctant to get back into crime this season, so I think that Annie’s probably proposing that they do it once and then call it quits? Although it obviously won’t end that way. 

Then we get two shots of money, which look like they belong together, but don’t. As this one: 

is at Paper Porcupine / the girls’ operation. 

While this one: 

is Beth at home - which we can see from the background. I’ve theorised it already, but I actually think we’re going to see the girls setting up Paper Porcupine, probably in 3.02, since the ep is titled ‘Not Quite Cards’ and it sounds like that’s what Paper Porcupine is ‘selling’. 

It looks like the operation is therefore starting at Beth’s house, which is supported by the 3.01 promo pics.

These scenes are stitched together with one of Ruby asking “And then what?”

And Beth saying “Whatever we want.” 

They’re so happy! How long will that last, haha. I highkey think this is probably a deceptive cut, but that’s neither here nor there. 

Again, these are spliced with the girls’ formal operation (i.e. no longer running out of Beth’s laundry)

The girls are in at least three different outfits here, so this is either three different scenes or a montage (we know how much the show loves a montage, haha). I kinda think it’s the latter, but we’ll wait and see. 

And then! Lucy! We know she’s the graphic designer that Beth mentions at the end of s2, and here she is working on the money.

Annnnd pointing out that it’s almost like it’s counterfeit.

Girls feigning surprise! 

Which tells us they have not told her what it is she’s actually doing aka have not learnt from Mary Pat, so I am very curious to find out what it is they have told her, and to see the fallout of it.

More working overlaid with Beth saying “I guess we’re back in business”, followed by Annie in an adorable shirt in what looks like a new bar? 

And a Stan and Ruby fistbump over what looks like bills? (*sobs* please let them be happy)

Annnnd then Dean reading off a list of two things Beth and the girls have done already - breaking and entering and kidnapping a guy, but intercut with new scenes of them doing it, and then a third thing we haven’t seen them do yet, telling us he’s relatively in the loop this season, which surprised me! 

Breaking and entering: into what appears to be Lucy’s house - check out the drawing boards and artwork and the photo later. 

Annie looks very perturbed!!

Kidnapping: 

(Beth looks beautiful and unimpressed, haha).

This is where things get really interesting. We have a rapid fire (no pun intended) of different shots. First, a bunch of guns in what looks to be a shop (the girls are buying?).

An ominous van (remember this location for later!): 

A shot of Beth pulling on a ski mask from 2.09 (lol, NBC):

This guy: 

And then shots of a woman (p sure that translucent skin is Christina’s, haha) driving this car: 

And then “Class 2 with an animal” and we see Annie kidnapping what looks like Lucy’s canary.

(Which - hilarious, I can’t wait for this scene in full)

Interestingly, the photograph the canary sits on is a picture of Lucy and Max (Wesam Keesh), the latter of whom has been on set a lot. I’d speculated that Max worked at the liquor store and thought he might’ve been a part of a place the girls were washing cash through, but now it looks like he’s going to be very much tied to the Lucy-portion of the story, which is super interesting! 

We know Lucy is divorced, so I’m wondering if he’s her ex, and they need something out of him, and he asks them to get the canary back for him as payment? I don’t know!

(Also I looked up Class 2 felonies in Illinois and they consist of murder, kidnapping and burglary, so take that as you will.)

Then! Another shot of the girls at Beth’s place

And then! Upsettingly! Ruby holding a photo out to someone of Sara and Harry in a way that implies they’re missing or have done something.

After that, we’ve got another collection of rapid fire shots.

Beth with a handful of cash: 

Beth on her patio:

A guy who’s pointedly not Rio sitting on her picnic table with a baseball bat:

Turner and the FBI raiding somewhere in what is definitely a new s3 shot, accompanied by James Lesure’s amazing deep voice, saying: “Best thing about this gig, just when you think you’re finished, something new pops up”:

(Notice the pillars are the same as the one above with the black van? It looks like the same location although we have different vehicles in the background.)

Dean kissing Beth:

Her hand only coming up to his wrist? Maybe to push him away (please to push him away, hahaha)

The girls at a cemetary (presumably for the graverobbing scene we saw on IG a while back)

And then Beth opening the door to someone!

Then the title card, and then the girls at another grave? 

(I highly, highly doubt Rio would have a little shrine outside of a recycling centre, so I very much doubt this is him. Maybe Boomer? Given Annie’s reaction?) 

So it’s interesting! A lot of info, and not a lot of info. I can’t wait to see how all of this fits together. Either way, I think it’s going to be a capital-b Big season!

[sarinataylor]

Will you tell us more about the show and Sarina? Maybe tomorrow ... pretry please 😊

right. take two.

ok so first up: my mom and i were like…. really early, first in line at the gate, early. “why? it was all seated!” i hear you say. well, my service provider was running some kind of promo where i and a guest could get a $20 voucher for food and drink (if we were in the first 350 people) and, well, my mom being a mom was like “we are getting these freebies if i have to kill a man to get them”

we did not get them, we paid $12 for a pita bread to share instead. 

so after finding our seats and freaking tf out cause i like… didn’t realise how good the seats i got were (vindication – camping out in the bathroom at work at 9am for general release tickets was worth it) i went off in search of beer, beer, and more beer. here’s a pic of the seats:

got beer, downed beer, went for more beer. in between beers im just sorta chatting shit with my mom, cause we have like two hours to kill. so it’s now 7ish? an hour and a half until the show starts, and im flicking thru insta as ya do. now, i’d already said to myself that i was gonna keep an eye out for sarina ‘cause she’s been posting stories out and about at shows this tour.

but like. my eyesight is shite, the arena is now half full, and she probably won’t even be out. so my hopes are not high. BUT! then sarina shares the vid her mate natalia took of her so now i know what she’s wearing 🕵️‍♀️

and i shit you fucking not, i look up from my phone, i look across the arena and there she fucking is. i lose my mind.

^ a totally normal reaqction

anyway lmao i turn to my mom and im like……….. mom i think i can see roger’s wife. and my mom, bless her cotton socks, is like “… and?”

and im like MOM I CAN SEE SARINA FUCKING TAYLOR

and my mom is like……. just now realising that, maybe, perhaps, i am not a casual fan. like, not at all. and she’s like….. ok. that’s cool. i, on the other hand, am quietly and calmly losing my everloving shit. 

“do you think….. do you think i should go say hi?”

“no”

my mom, i should point out here, is currently experiencing flashbacks to the text messages she received from me when i got kicked out of elton john after one song.

“but…. i mean. it’s,” here i lower my voice like im talking about some kind of minor deity. “sarina taylor.”

my mom sighs. “if you get kicked out over roger taylor’s wife,” she says, as if that isn’t a perfectly valid reason to get kicked out of anywhere (very much including bed). “i will not follow you. you can sit outside and cry for the three hours of concert, and i will sit in here and enjoy the show. i do not care.”

ice cold.

she clearly thinks im going to propose or something, as if i can’t keep my cool around a gorgeous woman. which……….. like, fair, but still.

i hesitate……… before leaping to my feet, and bolting across the fucking arena. i am dodging security personnel who want to direct me to the closest toilet, ducking past arena workers who are tryna get me to go buy another $12 pita. i’m the fastest goddamn thing this arena has ever seen. i’ve got my eyes on a blonde in a leopard print dress, and i aint letting her go. footy players, whomst????

i’m about half way there and she’s answered a phone call, so i slow down. i am a lion, a cheetah, some kind of other big cat. i wont be denied. i am a thief in the night.

you can sense the level of power walking that i was involved in while taking this photo, can’t you. you can. i would like to remind you all i am six beers deep at this point; that i didn’t have a stitch is a fucking miracle

anyway i slow down, cause, like, she’s on the phone. im casual now; cool, calm, collected. other adjectives beginning with c. i am all of them. crazy? yes.

she’s off the phone, i speed up again. i’m playing this slick, like what? no i didn’t just vault my way across the arena to get to you! this is happenstance! coincidence! (i love you)

i draw up level and go: “… oh my god, i’m sorry, are you sarina?” i planned this the entire way across. im a conversational genius. bow down before me. sarina blinks at me, grins and goes, “yeah, yeah, love that’s me.”

hi im on the floor and i dont know how i got here.

“oh my goodness! i follow you on instagram!”

“oh wow! hi, it’s lovely to meet you!”

“you too! i love your presence on instagram, it’s so positive! really brightens my day when i see your posts and stories.”

“that’s so nice of you. you look gorgeous! is this your first time seeing the show?”

“yeah! first time seeing them at all.”

“you’re going to love it, it’s so much fun.”

“oh, i know! i’ve been looking forward to this for months. i’m sorry, but would you mind if i got a pic with you?”

“no, of course not! my friend can take it”

natalia took the photo – i am bricking it. the photos are just me like OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING WHERE AM I SOMEONE BRING ME THE SMELLING SALTS. look at this face. this is the face of someone who is in a kind of fugue state.

and then i took my phone back from natalia and sarina introduced us, so i shook natalia’s hand and then i was like i’m sorry that i disturbed you guys, i’ll let you go and sarina was like “no, no, it’s fine! what’s your name, love?” and i told her and she was like “where are you sitting?” and i told her and then i sort of panicked? and was like “I SHOULD REALLY LET YOU GO” and she laughed (kill me, she’s so gorgeous) and was like “ok, it was so nice to meet you! enjoy the show!” and i was like “thank you!!!!!!!!!!” and then i walk/ran away

and like i was trembling so hard i didn’t stop for a good half an hour and then the bloody show started and off i went again! and she liked the pic on insta, cause my mom posted it and and and.

hi my name is lo aka sarinataylor and i adore sarina taylor she was just so lovely. also she is tiny and i look like a giant next to her. i am deceased. this is all i will talk about for the rest of my life.

[isitandwonder]

i go back and forth with, yea the dude is dating this girl, so what. to wow its kinda funny all this is happening now right around the release of their movie. and the editor or whatever of cmbyn says that yesterday and today theyre wandering around together and shes wearing his shirt. idk, maybe its both their together and their playing it up. or its all fake. or its real. dont get it lol best to keep it light tho and realize the only real love is btwn him and armie lolol

Oh,nonnie, you asked (or maybe not lol):

What is truth? That question is keeping philosophers going since the old Greeks. Can we ever know what another person truely thinks and feels? What do we really know about people we interact with personally? We live in our cave and stare at shadows. So how can we assume anything about people we really don’t know at all?

Well, there are a few approaches. One is that you admit that you know nothing, that everything you believe (not know) is made up in your head anyway, so you can built YOUR OWN FANTASY. And it’s nothing wrong with that, as long as you stay aware that IT IS A FANTASY. You can’t prove or disprove a fantasy because it’s all in your head anyway, it’s highly subjective and made up.

And we are not curing cancer here, this is fun, so believe what you want if it helps you getting on with your life.

And isn’t it nice if you write or draw about THIS FANTASY and post it in fan spaces and find likeminded people with similar FANTASIES and you share them and a fandom grows and everyone has fun and is happy?

So, if, in this regard and context, for you, A&T are the greatest love story that ever happened, or LRD&T are the greates love story that ever happened, or Tim is secretly a shapeshifter, or a vampire, or is boning Glen Close - FINE! Knock yourself out. Believe what you want. Only, don’t insult or ridicule those who SHIP/dream/believe something else. Because no ship (aka FANTASY) is better than the other and there’s no truth to be found in a FANTASY. You either believe it or not and believe something else. It’s totally subjective and - as a FANTASY- there’s nothing wrong with that.

Trying to prove a fantasy is what leads to insanity. Believe me, it’s not that I wasn’t tempted at one point. Only, you know, I’m a scientist. And in science, when we start an experiment, we have a question or an assumption that we want to prove, not already an answer.

Because I don’t have to prove something that I know is true. You still with me? When I start to look for clues that A&T are together, lead by my knowledge (not assumption or question if) that they are together, of course I will only prove what I started with in the first place and ignore/disregard everything that speaks against my knowledge because I’ve known the truth from the beginning and will produce a narrative accordingly. This is called confirmation bias.

In that context, even the absence of proof is proof for something - and at this point, you can’t  argue with people who work like this because they have made their mind up long before they entered the argument. They had the answer before the question. For them, there isn’t an argument at all, because they KNOW. End of story.

True, sometimes the dog NOT barking is evidence. But for that to work there has to be a dog in the first place. If you don’t know that there is a dog, it not barking proves nothing.

So, again, can’t we know anything about anything? Well, there’s a thing called probability. Not all arguments are equally valid, some are more reasonable than others because we have experience, context, and from that we draw conclusions re the probability of things.

But lets first look at the evidence presented in favour of certain theories. I’ve been on this train for over 2 years. I saw a lot of the things going round in fandom and taken as proof for or against something now as it happened - and I have to say, many things got taken out of context and were blown up to much more proportian and meaning than at the time things happened. Pics have been cut in certain ways so people have been removed to make them look more intimate. Things no one has ever seen or knows anything about are suddenly taken as facts (a marriage contract, for example) just because they’ve been repeated so often by fans that they’ve been talked into existing.

These proofs are often photographic ‘evidence’. But pictures lie. And can be manipulated. What we see in them depends on lighting, angels etc. If you take a pic or vid out of context it can look as if it shows something totally different than it originally did. So never base anything solely on a single picture you didn’t even take yourself. Always ask for the context it has been taken in. Is it a fan snapshot? Is it a directed photoshoot? Has it been made during an official promo event? These things matter to determine the validity of the things show in these pictures.

For example, look at this:

Isn’t that a lovely pic of A&T? Doesn’t T look totally shagged out, bathing in the afterglow while Armie tells the world: ‘Look, he is mine!’ This is the photo as I saw it on tumblr.

This is the original:

As you can see, Tim is probably laughing at something Petra Collins says to him. This changes the whole context. And these things happened quite often in  the early days because we were shippers, we knew that we were wearing our shipper goggles, we spun a FANTASY, quite aware that what we were doing was playing freely with the facts. It wasn’t about proving something, it was about illustrating a fantasy. Taking these things now as proof for anything is absurd.

Same goes for interviews. These can be cut and edited in certain ways. Watch a whole press conference, not just the part your shipper heart loves if you want to get the whole picture (or live in the one sentence that makes your shipper heart flutter if this is just about your FANTASY).

As said in the beginning: no one on here knows these people and their circumstances. We didn’t even go to school with them, worked with them, or are their neighbours or in any direct contact with them whatsoever. So we base our judgement solely on currated content provided by them or people close to them, and public appearances that happen in a certain context like a movie premiere, and on very random public sightings by people we also don’t know and whose statements we can’t verify.

We can’t really built anything about their private lives upon these things, can we? It’s all highly speculative.

Okay, after having discussed the reliability of our evidence, lets move on to how to sort it. There is this thing called probability. In theory, everything is equally likely over an infinite period of time. But in reality, humans are able to learn from experience. And experience teaches us that some things are more likely than others.

Then there are facts. Facts are things we know to be true because they haven’t been falsified yet. For example, Armie is married. I know, there are many rumors going around about the state of his marriage, but as long as he’s not publicly divorced he got publicly married to EC and that’s the only thing we can work with. Otherwise, our already pretty sketchy footing slips away completely if we only work with hearsay, specualtion and gossip, and we end up with a fantasy again.

So, in our case: do we really think that friends, family, spouses, girlfriends, colleagues, ex-colleagues, ‘the press�� and random people on the internet are all conspiring since June 2016 together to hide that two actors - who to large parts of the world are totally unknown - are in a relationship, when, on the other hand, we have photographic evidence from multiple independent sources - and in Armie’s case even a marriage certificate and 2 children - showing that they are both with someone else?

Okay, but we’ve discussed the unreliability of photos. True. But it’s not just one cropped pic showing T with LRD. There are many, taken over a long period, by different people, professionally and privately. That makes them being a fact much more probable because why should all these people, who took those pics and reported sightings and don’t know each other and do gain nothing from their lies, lie? Isn’t it much more probable that what these pics show us is the truth?

On the other hand, what solid evidence do we have that A&T are a couple? We don’t even have one photo showing them kissing outside of a movie they made together 3 years ago. Compare this to pap and private pics of T&LRD kissing, that have been taken over a period of a year by different people. What does probability tell us here? That something we’ve never seen is more likely to be happening than something we’ve seen on different occasions, documented by different people independently for 12 months?

Isn’t it more likely that a man who’s never been seen out in public romantically involved with another man, who is married for years and has 2 children - is straight?

Isn’t it more likely that another man, who’s never been seen out in public romantically involved with another man either, who’s only other relationship the public knows of was with a girl, who - if he talks about his private life at all - talks about kissing a girl or wanting to impress a girl, who’s been photographed at different occasions by different people kissing a girl - is straight?

Leave aside what you want them to be and look at the facts, as sketchy as they are.

If you look seriously at what little facts we have - there is nothing reliable connecting A&T romantically that can’t be explained by them being friends and having filmed a movie together over 3 years ago. Everything else is subjective, projection, hearsay, wishful thinking, a fantasy, shipping, gossip, rumors.

Documented facts show us that their reality is incongruent with our ship. And if we start to disregard those facts it leads to sending hate to these very people because fans who took a ship for something real feel betrayed. So, please, sort facts from fantasy, take a look at the facts (not at projection, hearsay, wishful thinking, a fantasy, shipping, gossip, rumors) and draw your own conclusion.

What do you think is more probable when you look at proven facts? Probable, not true. There’s the possibility that I might get proven wrong someday. But, to me, all real evidence points towards T&LRD and AH&EC.

[whenimgoodandready]

Can we appreciate how awesome Thomas Astruc is? Thanks to his promo of the Ladybug PV back in 2012, we were all hyped to see a nicely anime-seque superhero show that’s edgy enough for children and then he gave us the revamped, Miraculous Ladybug, and we grew to love that! A CGI cutesy and yet dark growing magical girl/superhero show for children that teaches valuable life lessons from the new and successful company of Zagtoon. I’m glad I discovered this new show and fandom and cuz of that, I never would’ve met some nice people, collect the action dolls for my photos and write my reviews. Merci Hawkdaddy!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

*Animaestro-The “what-could’ve-been” of Miraculous Ladybug is living now as a show-within-a-show as an animated movie made by Thomas Astruc! He’s in animated form! So cool! Also, we saw a DVD of the movie in Alyas home from “Sapotis” and that could be after this episode? Depending on how long a DVD release is.

At the premiere of the movie, every celebrity we’ve seen is gonna be there, such as Clara Nightingale using her songs from “Frightningale” for the movie! Ladybug turned down attending the premiere as being a superhero is about responsibility and not publicity like she learned from “Prime Queen”. However, she regrets it when she sees Adrien is gonna be there. He voiced himself! Funny, he was worried about being Cat Noir in a music video, but not in an animated movie? Guess there’s a difference (shrugs). Luckily, her parents are catering there, so she serves as a waitress from the unfinished pic we saw in the classic French maid outfit. By the by, it was cute seeing Marinette in a new hair style (a bun), but we already saw that from a flashback in “Reflekta”. She tries to give a special macaroon she makes (every Sunday) to Adrien thinking it’ll win him over, but all goes wrong, when she sees he’s there with Kagami. She’s not the only one upset, Chloe is there too. Gabe and Kagamies mother are in some sort of “business” together from what he was planning in “Stormy Weather 2” and it may have something to do with them going to Japan from what Chloe assumed.

In a “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” sceanario, they team up to put an end to Adrigami. So here’s the relationship between the three girls, Marinette, as we all know, hates Chloe and she also doesn’t like Kagami calling her an “ice queen” from “Frozer”. Chloe hates Kagami and she was the first girl to make Chloe sh*t herself when she told her to f**k off when Chloe tried to get her away from Adrien at one point. Both girls are obsessed with Adrien and hate seeing any girl he’s with. I also can’t believe it was this episode that Chloe discovered Marinettes crush on Adrien! Are you f**king me!? Seriously!? I thought she was already aware from the Season 2 finale!? Or even before that! Is she really that clueless!? Wow! Kagami doesn’t like Chloe from the incident I just mentioned and she seems neutral with Marinette. Keep in mind folks, Kagami supports Adrienette thinking Marinettes the girl Adrien keeps talking about and unlike the two girls, shes👏🏻O.👏🏻K👏🏻with👏🏻letting👏🏻him👏🏻go👏🏻for👏🏻another👏🏻girl!👏🏻 just as long as they don’t try any underhanded schemes. Sure Kagami has an indifferent attitude, but at least she plays fair.

The plans to drive Kagami away fail and it instead affects Thomas Astruc making his day worse after people don’t give him the recognition he deserves for directing the movie. Everyone’s so stupid to not know what a director is especially when the movie was his idea in the first place! He’s mistaken for the animator, the screenwriter, etc and he keeps trying to explain his role with the movie! Do you guys know what a director does? Let me give you the deets (ahem). You see, a friend of mine, who’s a screenwriter, @vulpineveritas , explained it to me when I was a little confused myself:

Director: The person who tells the group (actors, animators (for animated movies), composers, etc) how to run things. They instruct the actors how to portray their emotions, movement, facial expressions in order to do the scene, same goes for telling animators how to draw it out in that form, and telling the voice actors how to convey said emotions through their voice to the characters, they tell the composers which music to put in to set the mood and when and frame each scene on what comes first. Basically, it’s like they’re the almighty creating their vision to life with the group as they’re archangels making it happen.

✨The More You Know!🌈

I’m sure the real Thomas Astruc gets the opposite attention from his people than his animated self cuz poor animated Hawkdaddy gets so ignored, he gets akumatized! No, Hawkdaddy! Nooooooooooooooooooooo! He becomes Animaestro (and I was confused by the akuma name since we all thought it was an anime or conductor type of villain before the plot was released. The former was the closest), a moving swiggly line filled pencil outline drawing version of himself that can transform into any type of tradional animated being keeping the Ladybug mask on. It was such a nostalgic feeling seeing those childhood like character esque transformations from Mickey Mouse to Sailor Moon! So how do our 3D heroes defeat a 2D villain? Ignore it! It’s cruel, especially since it’s a harsh reminder that we’ll never see another traditionally animated movie again due to the shut down of the company, but it worked for our heroes in this case. Keep in mind, you can still do 2D animation for tv shows, TV movies and web series as it still has the same value as CGI animation. So if any hand drawn animator in the fandom is reading this, don’t stop! It’s just as beacutiful as computer animation.

It was such a delight seeing Astruc in CGI animation, but it would’ve been better if he voiced himself in the American version than just having Jason Marnocha do it, but I respect his decision. His home country would be more meaningful. The Ladybug PV for the show was cute and I’m glad he didn’t forget what started this fandom from the beginning. Soon, we’ll have our own Ladybug movie in the future and enjoy it ourselves. I liked how the episode used both styles of animation together to compare and contrast how they are with each other through art (also if you haven’t noticed, Cat Noir broke the fourth wall when he said, “How do you defeat a 2D character!?” Lol! Does this mean, he knows they’re 3D characters!? cuz that would be funnier than that guy saying, “Who would want to watch Ladybug and Cat Noir as cartoon characters!?”). The last time I saw something like that was The Amazing World of Gumball. I’m pretty disappointed in Marinette for doing something as low as sabatoging a close relationship between Adrien and Kagami with Chloe, Kagami is the “nicer” one of her rivals between mean girl Chloe and compulsive liar Lila for Adriens affections. She should learn about letting go from Kagami on what makes Adrien happy. However, the sweetest thing she did in that episode was hug Astruc himself, her Hawkdaddy! ღ (happily sobs).

[missjackil]

My 14x17 Opinion

Game Night

This was the first new episode since “The Announcement” and I have to say I was putting off writing it. I usually post these the day after, but I procrastinated so it’s a bit late. So forgive my butt-hurt tardiness and let's have at it.

I enjoyed this episode, though it wasn't without some issues. I must say that I was pleased that it wasn't as Sam-lite as I thought it would be from the promo pics, trailer, and knowing Jared didn't work a lot that week, I will always want for more Sam in an episode, but all his parts were necessary and high quality in this one, so I'm not angry at all. 

We start the episode with Donatello making cookies, singing Raindrops are Fallin’ on my Head, which made me smile. It made me think of Butch Cassiday and The Sundance Kid and I love that movie, and if J2 ever want to play the leads in a remake, I would be willing to pay for it myself! 

Donny gets interrupted by the door, and we know this is a problem because its the first 5 minutes of SPN, let's be honest. As soon as I see the bad guy’s wedding ring, I think “Shit... here comes Nick”. I thought he was gonna kill him and I'm glad he didn't. I like Donny, he looks like my dad. 😊

Back at the Bunker, the fam is getting ready for “Winchester Game Night” and Dean is playing Mouse Trap, and having no luck getting it to work. I had that game as a kid too and was never able to get it to work either, but it was fun putting it together! I did think it was a little sad but fitting, that Dean would have played that game as a 4 yr old, but leave it to John and Mary to give Dean a game made for older kids, that never worked out the way it was supposed to and had too many small parts he could choke on. (the irony is not lost on me)

Mary and Jack are in the kitchen. I could literally almost smell the Jiffy Pop popcorn. A Saturday night staple at my house growing up (any of you out there ever taste that greasy salt left on the sides of the foil pan? Good stuff!) and Mary starts in with the questions for Jack. I got a kick out of him telling her its annoying, and her face after. It’s ok Mary, he’s fine, he’s just a teenager now. Something I guess she never got to experience from the adult side. 

Sam is out getting pizza, and all the times they’ve had pizza, I never really saw what Sam likes on his. Apparently both he and Dean like lots of pepperoni. Good choice boys! The joy is short-lived (of course) by Donatello’s call, and Dean and Mary go off to help. I loved Sam sitting there researching. I have always loved his look of interest and concentration during these times. Smart!Sam moment #1 he figures out the language is ancient Hebrew, #2 he has the moment of realization that he knows it’s from the Bible, and knows what chapter and verse. (demerits for the writers though for not knowing Peter is in the New Testament and is in Ancient Greek, not Hebrew, but kudos for Sam/Jared for at least knowing the book is located near the back of The Bible)

Mom and Dean in the car. Now we have the talk about how wrong she knows she’s been but how appreciative she is to have this time with him and Sam. Uhoh... sounds like lines typically given to a character who is soon to be killed off? Hmmm we’ll see. Soon they arrive at Donny’s to find Nick. He says he's poisoned Donny and to save him, they have to help him. He wants to talk. 

Back at the bunker, violent rage!Sam awaits!! GOD that gave me tingles in the best way! I loved Dean leading Nick down the hall in cuffs, in slow motion as if leading him to his execution, and Sam standing there with his chest puffed out like a friggin’ bulldozer, and the snarl and slam attack against the wall!! (hand me that towel, please??) Dean backs Sam off, lots of brother touching going on, but we need intel, we can't kill him yet. 

Now Sam is in self-loathing mode.... he thinks everything is his fault. So many people dying because of him. This is gonna be a big issue soon, I promise. Mom talks Sam off the self-deprecating ledge and tells him he gave Nick another chance because he’s a good man and that's why she’s so proud of him. Sam softens up into the sweetest “aww shucks ma” smile and I want to hug him💕 also, still lines are being spoken by mom that are synonymous with being killed off.

Now, I procrastinated talking about Cas and Anael because the whole thing was boring. I'm not a wife hater but at least make her necessary if you’re going to cast her. I was ok about her role as Sister Jo for Devil’s Bargain but she hasn't been necessary since. Cas wasn't even necessary in this episode. We knew he was hiding the fact that Jack killed the snake, and there are probably 1000 other ways they could have reminded us that the Samulet is still around and maybe they can use it, than for him to find a similar one in the thrift shop or whatever that place was. I dug Methuzula though, he was the oldest dude in the Bible. He wasn’t an angel, for any of you worried about him liking lasagna or why he couldn't just smite Cas... its because he's HUMAN just extremely old. 

On to more interesting things. 

Nick wants to talk to Jack. I was not pleased with Nick referring to Jack as his son. Im not 100% convinced that the writer (and all involved really) remembered that Jack isnt Nick’s son, but added that as a note of empathy Nick has for Lucifer, you’d THINK someone, particularly Jack would say “Im not your son” ?? but anyway, he gives intel to Jack and also gets his blood (dun dun dunnnn) 

Sam is again a smarty pants and knows the antidote for Thalium is Prussian Blue (makes note) and figures he can hack the live feed (brains are so sexy) I also love that Sam’s word is the go word. So many more decisions are made because Sam thinks its the best option than he's ever given for in the fandom. So Sam and Dean take Nick with them to find Donny. 

I really love the broments in this part. Dean tells Nick if he tries anything funny, Sam will shoot him. “And if anything happens to me....” “Sam will shoot me”  “To start!” says Sam... because if he hurts Dean, Sam isnt letting him off that easy. But in true SPN form, as soon as Sam and Dean are separated, shit goes south.

Mom calls Sam and lets him know Donny was shot up with Angel grace, as Jack figured out, Nick was playing them. Now the fight between Sam and Nick ensues! Nick tells Sam why he used Donatello, which was to bring Lucifer back, “You can't, he’s dead he’s in the Empty” Sam says but this show’s self-awareness gets me sometimes lol Nick’s like “Cmon Sam you know no one stays dead anymore” and Sam starts kicking his ass. 

Now, I have already seen a million of you whine and complain that Sam didn’t kill Nick. It’s almost as though some of you have never met Sam Winchester. Of course Sam could have killed Nick, and most of us wish he did, but Sam has stopped himself from killing humans before. He stopped himself with Jake in AHBL and also with Toni in 12x01. Unfortunately it always bites him in the ass. Could it be that Sam thinks if he can kill a human with his bare hands that he’s a monster? This isn’t bad writing folks, this is Sam’s character. 

Nick takes advantage of Sam’s hesitation and starts nailing him with a rock. Spewing crap about Sam being Lucifer’s Perfect vessel and such.... this can only mean that issue will be coming up soon! Sam gets in the car and starts laying on the horn for Dean, calling out to him... Dean hears Sam is in trouble, enough playing around here time to kill some demons. 

When he gets to Sam. he sees he’s badly injured. Sam can hardly hold on to consciousness, protective!dean kicks in! Apply preasure to the blled, call 911, call mom. Now check for brain damage and play a counting game with Sam This hurt my feels so much, it made it feel so much more serious than all the other head injuries he’s sustained. Dean and his caring big brother smile and light hearted speech so Sam doesnt panic just kills me in the best way!! Sam tries to count with him a little and breaks into “You always put me first... your whole life” and manages to muster a little smile. Dean knows Sam believes he’s checking out, and you see the fear all over Dean’s face as Sam fades away. (OMG these 2!! Every freakin time!!)

Meanwhile, Mary and Jack found Nick and he has summoned Lucifer and just about to take him in again (Lucifer looked pretty cool,,, gotta say) and Jack zaps Lucifer back into the rift (no not forever guys... cmon) and starts torturing Nick. Mary kinda flips out telling Jack to stop. He’s contorting his hand, burning him from the inside out... not simply killijng him. Mary is full on worried now. Jack stops and Nick is laying on the floor. Mary is in shock and tells Jack to go help Sam, He heals him and Dean cant even hide his relief as he turns away to catch his breath. 

Now Jack returns to Mary who is more than worried about how Jack was torturing Nick. We know the Winchesters dont mind killing, but draw the line at torture. However, Mary stupidly poked the bear. She could have just kept herself and Jack calm and talked to the boys later, but she poked and poked till Jack freaked out. Though I am wondering if Jack was also hearing Lucifer when he was shouting “Leave me alone!!” But in any regard, he looked at Mary and something happened. Fade to black. 

Aside from the Cas/Anael part, I really enjoyed this episode. A few issues yes, but it hit most of the marks needed for me to enjoy an episode. Ive already rewatched it twice and will again and again. 

On a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon, I give this a strong 7.5 without the Cas/Anael bit it would have been an easy 8.

[yaz-the-spaz]

Thoughts on scripted?

hey nonnie, so i’m so so sorry i kept you waiting for like four days for this but i just really needed some time to properly process and collect my thoughts (cause i have a lot on this) and take my time to get them down in a coherent way, i still feel like it’s a bit jumbled and unclear at times but i tried my best to explain my thoughts as best i could. i hope it’s sufficient...

My Thoughts on Scripted

so i wanna preface this by making it clear to everyone who may read this that this is strictly my own interpretation of things and my own opinion on what zayn’s trying to convey in this song. personally, i think this song is very much about public images, narratives, and stunting, and sticking it out through all of that, so that’s the direction/theme that a lot of my interpretations of the lyrics in this song are gonna lean towards. you don’t have to agree. in fact, if you disagree that’s fine and i welcome and any all rational and fair/polite discussion on different interpretations of the song and certain verses or lines within it. i’m in no way trying to convince anyone to see anything a certain way (and my own interpretations and thoughts/opinions on this may even evolve or change with time), but i was asked by this nonnie to share my thoughts (currently) on the song and so that’s what i’m doing, and if anyone has a problem with any of the opinions or interpretations stated here i just ask that you address me about it respectfully :)

ok now onto the song analysis:

Blurry TV screens

Fuzzy broken scenes

Finding words don't have flow

Blurry TV screens

Fuzzy broken scenes

Hold her close finding love

so this verse to me seems like it could be meant to have a double meaning, as in 1) the scenes or roles they [he and liam and/or the other boys] have to play out (i.e. stunts, fake dates, scripted interviews, etc. that they feel like they’re playing out like a scene in a movie/tv show - mgmt telling them hold her hand this way, hug/kiss at this angle so it looks more intimate, ok now let’s take this pic/video and then we’ll do another angle; making sure to only show pieces of the story like scenes and only the pieces and angles that fit the narrative they wanna sell, etc.) and/or 2) the time they get to themselves which often feels like only snapshots that go by too quickly and are like a blur/fuzzy in their minds (stolen moments together in between stunt outings and shows and things where they have to perform/are expected to put on and keep up their usual act for the cameras before they can go back to being themselves again/have some time alone together to just be again, etc.), and the “finding words don’t have flow” part could mean because he doesn’t know how to talk about it or express how he feels about it cause he just has so many conflicting feelings (or even just that he can’t talk about it cause he’s not allowed)

Hearts don't feel the same

And the names we like to say

Change with time and age

so this seems to clearly be referring to feelings changing - though not necessarily in a bad way, maybe just maturing and growing together and changing as people, as in the infatuation is gone and you love each other differently than you did when you first got together but there’s still so much unconditional love there it’s just a different (like a more serious or maybe even a deeper) kind of love, or could be referring to friendships (whether between him and the boys or other people from his personal life) and those friendships changing or even fading with time, or even feelings about a situation changing over time; it could also be taken a bit more literally too of course as well and have a negative meaning as in we don’t love each other anymore/don’t feel the same way about each other anymore/aren’t as close anymore (again whether between friends or a romantic partner, or even not feeling the same way about a situation anymore, etc.), it’s all up to interpretation i guess and how you choose to see it but i think it can be thought of in lots of different ways

for the names thing i think this can also have multiple meanings, like maybe it could be referring to names he and liam and/or the boys call each other (friendly nick names, pet names as a couple, etc.) and/or the names they’re made to mention/promo in interviews, like how some periods we would get a bunch of louis and zayn mentioning each other or niall and zayn mentioning each other lilo or niam mentioning each other, etc. and then other times they’d be promo-ing other random people (like liam mentioning charlie puth every 2 seconds for a while, etc.)

[fyi i’ll be skipping over any repeating refrains/verses since there’s no real need to re-hash things over again or take up unnecessary space with lines that have already been talked about]

So I

I don't wanna say what's scripted

Whether you are or aren't with it

I know what I need

'Cause I

I don't wanna say what's scripted

Whether you are or aren't with it

I know what I need

this part i think is pretty obvious (and i think a lot of people agree) that it’s most likely referring to having to say scripted lines in interviews and things of that sort and that’s why he avoids it so much, he doesn’t wanna be forced or used to sell the narratives they want him to sell and say the company lines they want him to say, he “knows what he needs” and that’s to stay away as much as he can from engaging in all the bs

but again i think it could also have a double meaning in that he maybe doesn’t wanna say or do generic things either and this can be in regards to life in general or more specifically with his romantic partner, like he doesn’t wanna say or do what he’s expected to say/do, he wants to be different and to do things differently/do things in his own unique way (in life in general, but also maybe in his relationship like finding other ways to say “i love you” or to show his love, finding other ways to be together that don’t necessarily follow “traditional” paths which also could be a nod them being in a [conventionally-speaking] “untraditional” relationship, which a lot of people would consider a same-sex interracial interfaith relationship between two huge self-proclaimed dorks lmao to be)

i think it’s important to note that he also includes a snippet of an interview shortly after this part in which he talks about sex not being as meaningful anymore with this generation and how that was a part of what he was trying to convey on ‘let me.’ which begs the question why? why draw attention to this specific interview (one that references ‘let me’) out of all the interviews he could’ve chosen? why draw attention back to such a romantic song (and to the idea of meaningful sex and meaningful relationships) in the middle of this dark part of the album that seems to (imo) mostly be about the negative sides of the industry? we’ll get back to my theory on that in a moment but in the meantime…

there’s also the fact that the melody of song is very somber through most of the song and i think that’s intentional because it kind of serves to evoke the pain and sadness he feels over his situation and i think he wants the listeners to feel and understand that as well and to understand why, to understand all the little things about his whole situation that make him so sad and the main thing seems to be that he has to “say what’s scripted” when he doesn’t want to and isn’t truly allowed to be himself or say or do what he wants as much as he would like. BUT—here’s where we get back to my theory on why he suddenly calls our attention back to such a romantic song and to the idea of meaningful relationships

not long after this point in the song (after the chorus repeats again) the melody suddenly changes, all of a sudden it feels less somber (at least to me), i would almost even characterize it as kind of tentatively hopeful/tentatively optimistic if i had to put a label on it, my theory is that he’s setting for the stage for what comes next, getting us ready for a change in tune (literally but also figuratively as in a change in theme) and then we get this

You'd still remember my eyes

Even if the Men In Black flashed

Their light into your eyes

For the second time this night

It feels right when it's, only you and I

so this seems to be a nod to a huge recurring theme on this album which is this idea of always remembering each other/always being fated to find each other (through space and time and making it together through all kinds of obstacles, etc.)—aka SOUL MATES—which so many songs on this album seem to reference over and over and over again…and which as an aside always reminds me of that moment in an interview (sorry i tried but i couldn’t find a link to it) where i think they’re talking about what would have happened in an alternative universe/timeline if they hadn’t gone on txf and weren’t famous or something like that and zayn says he’s not sure if he would’ve met liam cause “i don’t tend to do much in me own time” and liam’s like “but you might have” and zayn’s like “yeah but maybe” not and Liam Not Having Any of It Payne insists “but then again you might have”

but anyway all that to say that i think it’s clear by this recurring theme that zayn’s definitely since come around to the idea lol and has even adopted him for himself and decided to make into a running theme on the album and not only that but clearly he’s come to believe that the romantic partner (i.e. liam) he keeps alluding to in so many songs on the “icarus” side is his soulmate and they can make it through anything

[but again, as with a lot of the other lines in this song (and on this album in general) i think there’s a small chance this verse could also be have a double meaning as well, possibly as a reference to the fans and how mgmt/1dhq has repeatedly tried to basically do a madagasar penguins ‘you didn’t see anything’ move on us and act like the shit we know we saw never happened by panic-deleting videos and releasing bs articles and manipulating the boys’ twitters; it’s a rather flimsy theory i know, esp given that all the other lines surrounding it suggest that it’s more likely in reference to a personal relationship than a more general reference that could be applied to fans but it’s just something that’s been in the back of my mind ever since i first heard the song so just putting it out there]

Oh, you and I

Oh, you and I

Oh, you and I

Oh, you and I

do i even need to say anything about this?

he repeats it five times which…interesting number first off 😏 (and also separates out the other four from the first one which again - interesting)…but also makes it pretty evident that this is a line that’s being very much emphasized, that has serious meaning, that he wants you to pay attention to, that much is obvious not only in the repetition but the fact that it deviates from the composition of the rest of the song - the music changes/falls away to just a very simple (piano?) melody and beat, the focus is mostly on just his voice and it’s the ever enigmatic “you” that he’s singing to (that also seems to be a running theme on both albums, as he often—not necessarily always but often—seems to differentiate between this “you” and other people/pronouns/things referred to in his songs) in a slightly sped up but very similar style to the style of the harmonies in you & i, a song in which he had very notable harmonies with liam (that’s possibly regarded as the most unequivocal ziam song) that they often romantically and openly serenaded each other with (like specifically turned to each other just to sing to each other), that liam said was his favorite song off the midnight memories album, that liam got a line from (“i figured it out”) permanently tattooed on his arm right below the feather that was widely believed to be the missing feather from zayn’s then chest tattoo (and which many believed being with zayn was the “thing” he figured out), a song that liam cried during the first few times they performed it without zayn, and a song that’s about nothing be able to come between two soulmates people in love who are destined to be together and that clearly had a lot of special meaning to them both (and that the fandom knows and that i’m sure they also know is widely regarded as a ziam song because as liam said on many occasions they see what we say about them, they know what goes on and what we think about the stuff they do/say) - all of that leads me to believe that this was a calculated and very obvious/deliberate move by zayn to emphasize this part in the song so clearly, a [huge] red herring if you will, and i would argue that it has even more significance not only just because of all that’s mentioned above but also because of the fact that he chose to include these lines in a song on the “falls” side of the album, the side that’s supposed to be the more negative/dark side (and the side that i believe is largely representative of his feelings and experience with fame and the entertainment industry). which to me suggests that the overarching message that he’s trying to get across/convey with this song is basically that everything may be shit with how things are being run and the stuff he (and the other boys) are made to do and say but he’s always gonna go his own way and regardless of what gets thrown at them he and liam (and the rest of ot5) are gonna make it through together

[lydia-can-live]

Tired of Outlander Drama

I’ll always have the books, which I love, even though DG is problematic as hell. I’ve been here for years. Sam’s casting? I had doubts (this guy? really?...But that “Come on, Sassenach” in the promo was pretty good. Really good.) and Cait? (I thought, “she’s too tall” but then I heard her answer Dougal’s question: “what’s your name lass?” “Claire. Claire Beauchamp” and she was Claire to me. When J&C had their first stand off after she ran away from the highlanders, S&C embodied J&C, for me. “I Guess then that means you’re comin’ w’ me.” Yeah, they got it right. Didn’t we all fall in love with them? I did. I freaking loved it all. Isn’t fandom freakin’ great? I’ve been on every FB group out there (ousted out of the big, nefarious one for talking back to the asshole in charge-kiss my arse, weirdo). I’ve left most of the groups because all they post is Jamie coming out of the Mill Pond. I like to see the BTS Shots. The first time I thought there was something interesting going on between S&C was the pic of them on a horse and he’s talking in her ear and she’s laughing. Hmmm. What’s this? Then the sexy photo shoots. Heart eyes and fingers entwined around awards and C wearing 2 gold rings and their hands joined impossibly together on an antler behind them in a bar? Why do they do this stuff? (I’m just imaging things, right?) 

So yeah, it was fun to follow, for awhile. S&C were certainly having a lot of fun. That ping pong paddle Q&A? “You are!”” You are!. “She’s got wifi on set, she’s got wifi in the make up chair....” They were adorable, unfettered, and joyous. We have not seen that version of S&C in a long while. What happened? It just abruptly stopped. The last SDCC? Painful. People love that Josh Horowitz fake therapy session thing? I think it’s forced and weird. The last FB live! thing? Sam and his lame phallic innuendo? Nope. 

Anyway, I don’t post much but I read everything. On both sides.  Here’s what I think: The anti’s, NST’s, whatever they call themselves are comprised of two levels. The first is an all out PR assault to dissuade people from thinking S&C are together and encourage (through long, lengthy, posts and CAPS, and FACTS, etc.) people to consider another story line. When someone bites, they get rewarded. “Thanks for your input, @blandfollower” or they share the screencaps that thirsty followers submit to “turn in shippers”. Bloggers get a rush from the recognition, they are part of the shake down and keep contributing. It’s an all out war for fandom truth. It’s droll, boring, tedious, and uninspiring. Shippers are the other side. These are primarily women who want to believe in hetero love. That’s not wrong. When I see C hugging S in that chemistry test video I imagine vividly what he feels like, what he smells like. Yes, the pheromone theory certainly applies here. He is a gorgeous man. She is a gorgeous woman. Wanting there to be something between them is natural for some people. If you spoon feed people (women) this romance they will buy it because if you are a cis hetero woman this feels good. You want more of it. S&C and their little videos talking about “do you believe in love at first sight?”, and “ “He’s perfect” and ”So is she” perpetuate the idea of the ultimate heterosexual love and they capitalized on that every step of the way. Think of C feigning jealousy over other “actresses!” Why did she do that? Act jealous of KDS during interviews? It’s all PR.  All of that was designed, maybe innocently in the beginning, to draw us in, and then it abruptly stopped. The IFH and all that came with it followed. I don’t have an answer for this. I can’t see T putting his high heeled foot down and saying “no more! She is my woman!” Gah, come on. No matter how many photos of “Tony’s Greatest Hits” are blogged it doesn’t create chemistry. I don’t know what this engagement is but it is weird. As weird as S being in love with a young, conservative, woman who lives thousands of miles away. All of it is PR lies, initiated by Starz and fed through the PR feed hole and propagated by various blogs. Here is what I’ve pondered on regarding people needing the support of a team mate. I had a male co-worker I loved very much. We hugged when things were tough, he was always there for me when I needed anything. He could tell if my mood changed and he wanted to help me sort things out. He was engaged to his girlfriend. He was just a good guy.

That’s what I think Sam is. Just a good, attentive, sweet, masculine (in his own way) kind of guy who offers his large shoulders to lean on for warmth or support. S&C just want to enjoy the fun that is acting. So, they played it up. They saw the hungry women for J&C and they played into it because it was good for the show and good for them and so many of us got caught up in the ride.

Think of what S&C had to deal with when OL first came out. Their first fan event was like “whoa! where did that come from?”. If I had a solid dude to hang on to during something like that I would have stayed close as possible at all times. They have obviously been each other’s champions in all of this from the start. They bonded from the very beginning. They held on to each other as best friends throughout all of this craziness but they went too far with innuendo to sell the show, DVDs, cons, etc. (“hope you find your own sassenach”)  It got out of hand and then they had to shut it down. IFH, bearding, Shatner, increased Tumblr opposition, photo ops, pap walks. I’m not going to say much about the whole Shatner thing because I think “JMIAD” had that nailed down with her Camuso post. His part in celeb PR is not exclusive to OL, he’s been trashing celebs and fandoms for years. It’s repulsive and is PR at it’s worst. 

But that is how we get our Outlander information now, through PR. PR on TW, JJ, Daily Mail. Fan interaction is shut down. The most popular OL blog has been silenced. You know everyone checked Jess’s blog everyday. Jess was pushed out by aggressive PR that bullied her and her followers. That is how I see it. That is what I have observed. It was shut down to stop the S&C are together story line but it also shut down a huge portion of the fandom. Who cares anymore? These new story lines that CO and Purv are AGGRESSIVELY pushing (see the caps for emphasis? That makes it TRUE!) are boring. Uninspired. They push their story lines so hard it makes me want to take off the painful shoes I’m not wearing. Why are your trying so hard??? I suspect you’re being paid so if you can’t take a break from your PR nonsense just know that there are loads of people who see your “doth protest too much” machinations, and most people think you’re way overselling. And also, yawn. I’ve been gaslighted. I thought about all the times I was accused of “being crazy” because I felt strongly about something my husband couldn’t understand and I thought about my experience in the OL fandom. I’m a fan of many things but this is the first time I engaged online with other fans. What makes it confusing is that in the beginning it was an organic experience, and it was all new for them, That’s why it felt personal for so many people. But assholes overstepped boundaries and fans got weird. People with too much time on their hands ruined this fandom and it was all blamed on shippers because it was the easiest, most effective way to shut down relationship talk. The talk that production and the actors perpetuated for years. S&C are friends but lead people to believe it was something more and then chastised those fans for believing the bullshit they were served up. It’s abusive. Anytime you tell someone they don’t feel what they feel, that is abuse. 

TL:DR S&C aren’t a romantic couple. They played it up for years because it sold the show. They aren’t into each other romantically but they love and look after one another. People read into it because people want to believe in the power of love...but love comes in many forms. It doesn’t have to be between a man and a woman and it doesn’t have to be romantic. Production exploited our emotions; S&C exploited our emotions and I’m just sitting here thinking: I’m sure they will enjoy their next holiday. In the meantime, I’ve cancelled Starz. Cheers! Ach, what shite.   

[stillthewordgirl]

LOT/CC fic: Did You Lose What Won’t Return

After a mission goes horribly wrong, one Legend has an incredibly difficult decision to make. But he's not the only one who will be affected by it.

Warning: This hurts. Not a fully happy ending, not for CaptainCanary shippers anyway (though there’s some happiness in it). Inspired by some of the promo pics for the next episode. 

Thanks to @larielromeniel for the beta.Can be read here at AO3 or here at FF.net.

Did you lose what won't return? Did you love but never learn? The fire's out but still it burns And no one cares, there's no one there

"Flares," The Script

"You got him back? How is he?" Sara's moving at something between a jog and a flat-out run toward the Waverider's medbay, her hand at her comm, a mix of relief and worry bubbling up from somewhere inside. Maybe she won't lose another Snart on her watch, after all, she thinks distantly, taking a corner just a bit too fast and nearly smashing into a surprised Zari. Maybe…

"He's still out." Ray pauses and something in Sara's stomach flipflops. "They…they did something to him. Gideon is still running tests. But Constantine says something's off too."

Why would he… "Is John there?"

"He was. Stepped out a moment. Oh!" Surprise suffuses the man's tone. "I think he's waking up already. Leo, I mean. That's surprising; Gideon didn't think…"

Sara puts on another burst of speed, wondering precisely what Gideon didn't think.

Ray and Mick are both in the medbay, both watching Leo, who's prone in one of the chair/beds. He's wearing some sort of shapeless hospital-gown-type-thing, and there's a bloodstain or two on it, and Sara's heart plummets. But he's also stirring, and that's got to be good, right? It's got to mean that he's regaining consciousness, that it'll be fine, they'll get him home…

Mick looks over at her as she stops in her tracks, and they exchange a glance of understanding. Not their Snart, but there's a debt there, and they sure as hell don't want to see him die again.

Ray's closer, checking the monitors with a frown on his face, so when the man on the bed suddenly opens his eyes, tenses and lurches up and off the surface, landing shakily on his feet, it's Ray who first exclaims and tries to steady him.

The man wearing the hospital gown pulls away from him with an irritated snarl, which is not a sound she's ever heard out of Leo, so maybe Sara's already suspecting the impossible when he turns, freezing when he sees her and Mick.

Sara takes a step forward involuntarily, even as Mick whispers a muffled, disbelieving oath behind her.

Leonard Snart is staring back at them.

Later she'll wonder how she'd know so instantly that it was him, and not Leo. They're identical, after all. (Well, they're more than that, but those revelations are still to come.) But she knows it, instantly and instinctively, and simply stops dead in her tracks to stare.

Leonard stares back, those blue eyes watching her intently for a long moment. Ray moves to collect the wires and leads he'd disconnected and starts to say something to the man he's almost certainly still taking for Leo.

But Sara holds a hand up to stop him. She's not sure why. Maybe, she thinks faintly, she just wants to see what Leonard will say. He stares at her a moment longer, then transfers his gaze to Mick,

"Mick?" he says, and the voice is the same as she remembers, the familiar drawl with its faint edge. Always a shadow of the chill in it, even when he's making an effort not to use the Cold persona. "Good. You're OK." He lifts a hand to rub his eyes and wavers a little on his feet—although he also yanks his arm away when Ray, looking concerned, tries to steady him again.

"Back off, Boy Scout," he growls, but there's no real anger there. Ray blinks, starting to realize something's off, even as Leonard shakes his head roughly again.

"Musta been a dream," he mutters, then glances at Mick one more time before transferring his gaze to Sara.

His gaze. His eyes, that guarded expression she last saw at the Oculus, identical to Leo's eyes yet somehow completely different.

"Sara…" he murmurs, taking a step.

And then another. Another.

Sara can't move. Can't breathe. Can't…

Then Leonard's standing in front of her, eyes looking straight into hers, searching. Ray's saying something in the background and Mick's replying, but Sara can't quite hear them, because Leonard is there, he's right there in front of her, and…

And then he's kissing her, lips warm and slanted hard over hers, tentative at first and then more assured as she responds, because she can't help but respond, because it's Leonard, and he's finally stealing that damned kiss.

There's a noise probably properly described as a squeak from Ray and a grunt from Mick-and an amused "well, well then!" from the tall man who stops one step inside the medbay. Sara, recognizing the voice, heaves an internal sigh and pulls away, just slightly. Leonard lets her go, lips quirking as he gazes at her…then visibly wobbles on his feet again. Sara puts out a hand involuntarily and he grabs it, accepting the help that he wouldn't from Ray, and, damn, that's another clue that this is an intrinsically different man than the one who'd gotten separated from her and John in that mental institution.

"Leonard?" she whispers, reaching out with her other hand to try to support him. "What's going on?"

"I…" He blinks at her, then shakes his head. "Damnit."

And then he drops like a stone.

It's sudden enough that Sara doesn't have a prayer of actually catching him. She yells to Mick and Ray as he hits the ground and there's a flurry of activity, the two men converging on them to get the fallen man back in the medbay chair, and John is going on about something and…

Sara can't breathe.

This can't be happening.

It is, she thinks distantly, too good to be true.

It is happening. And it is too good to be true.

"There is brain damage," Gideon tells them promptly, once Leonard/Leo is settled back on the medbay bed, out cold and hooked up to all the different monitors again. "They performed some sort of procedure on him." She pauses. "Not a classic lobotomy, but enough to…affect portions of the brain that aren't entirely well known even to the Time Masters. I do not know what the goal would be been. It was, possibly, simply an experiment."

Mick curses, suggesting what he's going to do to the people responsible as soon as he can leave the ship. Sara doesn't disagree—not at all—but she motions for him to quiet anyway, needing the next shoe to drop.

"What else, Gideon?" she asks quietly. "Is this…"

"Now that I have had reason to run a scan on him, it is clear that the man we knew as Leo is physically the same as the man from Earth-1," Gideon says, pausing to let them digest her words. "His hand is of my make.

"He is, however," she continues, "approximately 39 months older than he should be chronologically. If the Oculus explosion knocked him through worlds, it could have knocked him through time as well. And perhaps have had an effect on his mind and memory. I'm not sure what else would have caused that." Another pause. "This is not a situation that has any clear equivalent in all my databanks."

John mutters to himself nearby, but Sara ignores him for the moment, especially since she needs to get the situation clear in her head and start coping with it.

"So," she says, looking at the man in the bed, "we're figuring that the Oculus somehow threw Snart into Earth-X, a few years ago. He didn't have any memory—I don't think Leo ever mentioned his past much, so I guess that's plausible—and wound up meeting The Ray and joining the Resistance."

Silence greets her words. John's across the room, holding a hand out over Leonard's motionless form, frowning, and Mick and Ray, the only other two remaining on the ship who knew Leonard Snart, look at each other. Then Mick huffs a sigh, shrugging.

"If he didn't remember anything, from when he grew up and all the shit after," he mutters grudgingly, "Snart mighta been a really different person. Hell, I woulda too." He's quiet a moment. "But…he knew me…the me from there…said they grew up together."

"If he had some foggy recollection of you from here, he might have thought that," Ray offered. "Memory's a weird thing."

Sara sighed. "And then he came back to Earth-1 with us and…"

"And the blighters at that hellhole fucked about with his brains and somehow screwed him up." John, strolling back over to them, sounds simultaneously angry and world-weary and admiring in a way only he, Sara thinks, can manage. "And it's not just memory—though I should say that's certainly part of it." He waves a hand at the man on the bed. "He's got…well, it's not quite like two souls. Did before this mess too, but this is the first time I was able to put my finger precisely on what the oddity is."

The three of them stare at him. John—who's already run afoul of Gideon's ire multiple times for his habit—fishes a cigarette out of his pocket and turns it over in his fingers, clearly wanting to light it but unwilling to draw that ire again. For the moment.

"How is that even possible?" Ray asks after a moment. "Um. I mean…don't you…kinda just get one?"

Sara starts to respond, but John beats her to it. "Actually, Dr. Palmer, a lot of traditions allow for more than one soul," he says, pointing the unlit cigarette at the other man. "Some Inuit beliefs, some peoples of Asia and Indonesia…but, at any rate, I think this soul started out as a single one. It's almost like it…split. Like an, what is it, amoeba?"

"He's not a science experiment, British." But Mick doesn't sound angry. He does sound as world-weary as John at his weariest, though, and the warlock gives him a nod of acknowledgment, looking not entirely unsympathetic.

"You said you lot thought he died at some place that was outside of time?" he asks. "By an explosion? Who knows what getting knocked helter skelter through time will do to a bloke. And…well, magically speaking, a willing sacrifice might have earned himself some peace. From memory, anyway. A fresh start of a sort."

Sara snorts. "You call getting thrown into Earth-X peace? Seriously?"

"Well. Didn't say that peace might not be mixed with penance." A shadow crosses the man's face. "You did say he knew the dark."

"He did," Sara said quietly, standing as she hears the medbay monitors indicate a change in Leo…Leonard's…condition. "Ray, could you go tell the others what we know? I know they're wondering."

She hears Ray's assent, but she's focused on Leonard and on John, who's motioning to her to approach.

"Get him talking," he mutters. "I want to study the…situation…while he's awake and distracted. And you, love, are an excellent distraction, especially based on that little display."

Weirdness abounds, and John remains John. Sara smiles a little, even as she reaches out to touch Leonard's hand as his eyes flicker open.

And, yes, it's still Leonard.

"Sara," he murmurs. "Mick?"

"Hey." She reaches out another hand as Mick joins her and as Leonard tries to sit up. "Stay put for a minute. You hit the ground pretty hard."

"Oof."

That gets a snort out of Mick. "Yeah, oof. Boss? That you?"

Leonard blinks at him, then shakes his head, but not in a way that indicates dissent. "I ...think?" he mutters. "Ugh."

Sara hesitates, then, glancing at John, who's nodding at her, broaches the subject they're all dancing around. "Do you remember…Leo?" she asks quietly.

Leonard stops rubbing his eyes for a moment and blinks at her too. A frown crosses his face, then an odd, very unSnart-like smile. Sara, watching, thinks that's the most he's looked like his...like the man they'd thought was his doppelgänger...since he woke up.

"Leo," he says slowly. "Yeah...like…a distant dream. Or like a story I remember being told once, a long time ago." His eyes fly wide open then. "Blue light...and then this long dream, and then I woke up here."

Sara drags in a long breath, then lets it out, glancing at Mick.

"Leonard," she says, "we need to talk."

It's like remembering a fading dream, too, but they manage to establish that the man called Leo Snart woke up in Earth-X more than four years ago, with almost no memory at all. The only name he could dredge up was a childhood nickname, which the scouting party had apparently accepted as truth. They'd taken him to Earth-X's Mick Rory, whom he'd seemed to remember, and two fell in together as partners like they'd always meant to be that way.

Then he'd met Ray Terrill.

Leonard stares at the wall as he says the name, a puzzled frown on his face. Sara's heart twists, remembering how Leo had looked at the man with his heart in his eyes. She glances up at John, who's furiously frowning in Leonard's general direction, and sighs.

"Well?" she says.

It's the first time Leonard seems to notice that John Constantine is in the room. He twists about a little to observe the other man, eyebrows going up as he gives the warlock the patented Leonard Snart once-over, which is, at least, somewhat similar to the Leo Snart once-over. Although his reaction is not.

"Who the hell are you?" he says.

John gives Leonard the same slightly lascivious smile he'd given Leo in a similar circumstance, but Leonard just scowls at him, unimpressed. John shrugs and sighs, then strolls around to perch on a medbay stool near Sara and Mick.

"The trauma from the explosion and getting tossed through the multiverse...it not only wiped out your memory, mate, it just plain reset you." He shakes his head. "Even the depths of your subconscious mind, which isn't really how that's supposed to work. But you can't argue with what's there."

He points at Leonard. "You lived more than four years with no memory of…a lot of demons. It made you a different man. Literally. Your soul, it's split. I could guess your sacrifice at the Oculus thing had something to do with that too, as I told these two, but I can't know that. But that's what is."

Leonard stares at him, then closes his eyes.

"It wasn't a dream," he mutters, and Sara's heart twists again. Mick makes a faint noise and looks at John, who's watching them with sympathy in his eyes.

"Is it gonna stick?" Mick asks. "I mean...is it permanent?"

John nods to him, then looks back at Leonard, who's opened his eyes again. "Well, here's the thing. It doesn't have to be," he says. "Your AI says she can fix the brain damage, go back to before the 'hard reset' they unintentionally did on you. And I can...resort...the souls. Bring Leo back to the surface."

He points at the other man. "But that means you go back to sleep. And you're probably not coming back from that. The choice you make...it's permanent."

Leonard's face goes still, blank, all the shutters down. Sara glances at Mick, then stares at John, who's still watching Leonard.

"It's all you, mate," he says quietly. "Your decision. But for both those things, it's gotta be quick. Say, 24 hours and that's from the time you woke up. Sooner might even be better, but I think we're confident saying that long.

"Let me know."

Sara leaves the medbay not long after that, giving Leonard space to ask John any more questions, space to talk to Mick, who has, after all, been a constant of sorts for both Leonard and Leo. She updates Ray, who tries to talk to her about it but flees before he can, heading for the study and the distraction of work.

It doesn't help, for once. She pushes some time charts around, then heads for her room. Maybe she can get some rest.

Maybe not.

It's a while later, already into what they consider nighttime in the ship's cycle, when there's a noise at the door. Sara, who's been lying in her bunk contemplating the ceiling, glances up, then pushes herself into a sitting position as Leonard—now dressed in his more habitual clothing, either from storage or the fabrication room-pauses in the doorway, then slowly strolls into the room, watching her.

She speaks before he does, as soon as the door slides shut behind him.

"You're going to let John do it, aren't you?" she says quietly. "You're going to go away again."

Leonard doesn't answer immediately, making his way to lean against the bunk and look up at her. Memory rises, of earlier conversations, but Sara stifles it, pushing it back down fiercely, waiting for him to speak.

"Yeah," he says finally.

She'd been expecting it. But...it still hurts, breaks something inside that had only just started to mend.

"He promised to go back. I can't be the reason he breaks that promise," Leonard tell her, voice soft in a way she's rarely heard before. "I've broken too many in my life. Despite all the horror in his world, he's happy." There's a brief look of wonder on his face, and Sara almost smiles to see it. "And he has a mission, a purpose, people who are counting on him. I can't mess with that."

Sara nods, staring at her hands, which are loosely clasped before her. After a moment, to her immense surprise, she feels Leonard boost himself up onto the bunk, arranging himself to sit next to her. Their shoulders are brushing, their legs side by side, and it's the most physical contact she's ever seen Leonard make with anyone.

After a moment, she turns her head to see his face, see him watching her, eyes intent and dark. So they're going to have this conversation, she thinks, before he goes. She's not sure if she's glad or terrified.

"Sara, we both know I'm all sorts of shades of messed up," Leonard says quietly after a moment. "I can't imagine loving someone with the...generosity of spirit that he loves Ray Terrill with. It's...amazing." Sara watches him swallow, shake his head. "It took me...how long?...and probably more nerve than I'd ever managed before to just...admit...to myself and you that I had...feelings."

"At all?" Sara asks, trying to keep her tone light and failing miserably. She shifts a little to face him better and they're close, so close.

"About you."

Echoes. So many echoes. Sara closes her eyes, then opens them, and he's still there, watching her.

"Mick doesn't need me. Not anymore," he says, after a moment, lifting a hand as she starts to argue. "I just...We talked a little. Trust me." He shakes his head. "And Lisa's got a better chance at life without me. And before you argue, I got Gideon to tell me more about where she is, the path she's on. It's good. Better." A slight smile. "Not the one I would have predicted for her, but...good."

So few reasons for him to stay. Sara smiles sadly, looking at her hands again, then back up at him.

The look on his face is...it reminds her of his expression at the Oculus. She hadn't been ready for that look, and the realization is a punch in the stomach. She makes a noise of denial, involuntarily, and Leonard hesitates, then shakes his head.

"I don't regret leaving much," he says quietly, lifting a hand to brush a piece of hair out of her face. "But I regret leaving you."

"Me and you?" Sara whispers, regretting it immediately. She tries to look away, but Leonard's left hand is now along the side of her face, his eyes searching hers. After a moment, his lips twist in a rather self-deprecating fashion.

"Probably wouldn't have worked anyway," he murmurs, fingers stroking down her jaw. "Both too stubborn."

Sara closes her eyes again, leaning into the touch. "Would have liked the chance to try."

"Yeah. Me too."

And then he's kissing her again, not the desperate kiss of the Oculus or the fiercely stolen kiss from earlier in the medbay, but something softer, sweeter, a might-have-been. Sara leans into it without even meaning to, lifting a hand to wrap her fingers in his shirt, holding him there, making it last. It starts to heat up, and they let it, because there's no room for regrets here, and no more time.

When they finally part, she looks up at him again. But he's not looking back; that blue gaze is turned inward. And then, as she watches, he's back, and there's that look of wonder in his eyes again.

"He…doesn't mind," he whispers. "Leo. He's making an effort to tell me...you...so. That it's...OK."

"Mind…?" Sara stares at him, then sucks in a breath as the meaning of the words registers. "You're sure?"

"Sure as I can be." His expression's starting to change, darkening, and not in a bad way. "Sara?"

It's a question, that word, and she does him, them, the grace of turning it over for a moment. But there's really only one answer for her, for him, right now.

Sara lets a spark of mischief show as she looks up at him, letting her answer enter her eyes.

"Well," she drawls, reaching for him again, "Leo is big on closure."

That gets a slight laugh. Leonard smirks at her, and then they let go of it all, reaching for each other, hesitation falling away faster than Sara would have thought possible.

The next kiss isn't desperate, or fierce, or sweet. Or rather, it's all of them and none of them, and they're both smiling as their lips meet, despite the fading time, despite everything. After a moment, Sara growls a little in mock frustration, and grabs two fistfuls of his shirt again, pulling him against her, then toppling them both back onto the bunk.

From there, well, they both lose track for a while, letting desire run wild, touching and tasting, egging each other on with murmured comments and incoherent noises. Eventually, Sara's shirt is mostly unbuttoned, and she sits up to shuck it off entirely, throwing it to the floor. Leonard, who's somehow retained his sweater although Sara had long since managed to get his (very annoying) tight jeans off, sits, then stands up to watch her, groaning as she starts to wriggle out of her own jeans.

Well, then. She makes the process as suggestive as possible, keeping her eyes on his as she runs her fingers over the black silk of her panties, eventually kicking the jeans to the floor. Kneeling on the bed, she stretches, confident in what the movement will do to her body-and smiles at the noise he makes.

"This isn't quite fair," she whispers, nodding at his relative state of dress.

"True." He eyes her, gripping the bottom of his sweater, desire and something a little more complicated in his gaze. Sara, watching him hesitate, reaches out, catching his hands in hers.

"Do you want me to dim the lights?" she asks quietly. "It's OK."

But Leonard shakes his head roughly, taking a step back.

"No," he mutters in return, yanking the sweater up over his head, voice muffled by the fabric. "If not now, when?"

Point. She watches as he pulls the sweater off, and the shirt beneath it, balling them up in his hands briefly before taking a deep breath and dropping them to the floor before looking back up at her.

Sara takes a good long look in return, drinking him in, lean muscle and vicious scars and all, letting him see the continuing desire in her eyes before she shifts to sit on the edge of the bed and reaches out to pull him to her.

"You gonna make love to me, Leonard?" she murmurs into his ear, running her fingers down his spine and feeling him sigh under her touch. "You better be a hell of a thief."

She can feel his chuckle through his chest just before he turns his head to look at her, moving even closer. Sara wraps her legs around his waist, closing her eyes as they move together, then opens them with a gasp as he slides one hand, with those oh-so-nimble fingers, between them.

"Stole that kiss, didn't I?" he whispers, those blue eyes staring into her, his lips only fraction of an inch away, fingers dipping beneath the black silk.

Sara shudders, staring back, licking her lips and lifting an eyebrow, trying to regain just a little of her equilibrium.

"Yes, but it took you long enough." This is so them, she thinks, bantering to keep the feelings at bay. Or, at least, to pretend they're at bay.

"Well…" The lopsided smile-smirk on his face, his body warm and hard against hers, eyes darkened but warm and intent on her: That's how she wants to remember him, Sara decides—then ruthlessly shoves the thought away, trying to stay in the moment.

Fortunately, he makes it easy, turning his head to whisper, warm breath soft against her ear, fingers stroking even lower. "You wouldn't want me to rush things too much…"

And then there's too much going on to even think about the future. Just the moment, and all the heat between them.

Much later, she wakes in the night and puts out a hand, surprised just a little to find Leonard still there, warm and solid, spending his last night asleep besides her.

He sighs at the touch, and opening his eyes, stares at her, blue gaze gray in the low light. After a few moments, they once again reach for each other at the same time.

One more farewell, then, this time slow, even reverent, careful and tender. The only words a quiet gasping of names, the only things they can touch, feel, hear, each other.

When they fall asleep again, they're curled up together, no space between them. No space for the demons. No room for regrets.

He leaves her in the morning, not lingering, and Sara understands. She keeps her eyes closed as she feels his lips brush her forehead, she keeps her eyes closed as she listens to him dress, and she keeps her eyes closed as she hears the door slide open and closed.

She keeps her eyes closed and tries to make sure everything's committed to memory. All her senses, scent and sound and touch, every moment of last night. She didn't get a chance to prepare, before. Now, she has one.

There's a little time. Leonard has more things to say to Mick too, she's sure, and maybe even to Ray. A little time.

But not much. Not much at all.

After a while, she rises, then goes to the training room and works out a little bit, losing herself in more physical activity and the pleasant burn of her muscles. She checks the course of the ship, and then heads back to her room. She showers and she dresses—her original White Canary outfit, the one she wore to the bar in St. Roch.

And then it's time.

By the time she gets to the outer room of the medbay, Ray and Amaya, of all people, are walking out. Ray glances at her and away, distress in his eyes, but keeps going. They'll talk about it later, Sara's pretty sure. Maybe drink a toast, her and Mick and Ray. The last of the Legends.

Amaya gives her a look that tells her that they're going to be talking about it, too, if in a different way. She pauses just outside the door, an aura of waiting about her, and Sara, after a moment, realizes why.

Good.

John's waiting near the door to the inner part of the medbay. He lifts an eyebrow at her, but Sara doesn't take the bait, for once. She's watching Mick and Leonard say their farewells.

Leonard's body language is still very...Leonard. His arms are folded and his expressive is all studied insouciance. Mick's watching him in return, arms also folded, but there's something a little more complicated in his eyes and expression, and Sara knows it's a measure of how far Mick's come.

"Tell the kid goodbye for me," Leonard's saying as she draws closer. "And make sure you give Hunter one last insult – and make sure you tell him it's from me." A smirk, there and gone, and then a pause.

"And Barry..." he says finally, then frowns, then shrugs. "Eh. He knows."

Mick snorts. Leonard smirks. So much history there, Sara thinks, watching, and so much pain.

The two men pause a long moment, then Mick shakes his head as Leonard offers him a hand. Instead, he grabs his oldest friend in a bear hug.

"Bye, Boss," he says, voice rough.

Then he turns and quickly walks away, heading for the door, where Amaya is waiting for him.

Leonard watches him go, then turns to Sara.

They've already said what they needed to say to each other. So they just look at each other. A last memory.

Finally, Leonard nods. There's finality in the gesture.

"Goodbye," he says quietly, "Sara."

"Goodbye," she says, just as quietly, "Leonard."

And this time, it's him that turns and leaves.

She's in the study, later, burying herself in work to keep from thinking, from wondering. She's completely lost track of time when she hears the noise from the door.

Leo's standing there, watching her.

It's unquestionably Leo; again, she can't really say how she finds it so very obvious, but it is. While she's been distracting herself with Time Master journals and charts, something precious has slipped away, and she didn't even see it go.

The burning in her eyes makes her look away, then back, watching Leo stroll into the room, his grace very like Leonard's, yet very different. It wasn't so long ago that she'd been indulging in some very vigorous carnal activity with that same body. Sara glances back down at the map, feeling an unfamiliar rush of warmth in her face, then shakes her head and looks back up.

"Thanks," she says quietly.

Really, what else can she say?

Leo nods to her, gaze calm and steady. He leans against the desk, studying her, and as much as Sara wants to look away, she doesn't let herself. After a moment, she sees a glimmer of something in his eyes, almost...mischief.

"I think," he says after a moment, "that given how tired and slightly worn out I am right now, maybe I need a nap more than thanks. I'm a bit older than you, and apparently not in as good shape as I thought I was."

Sara actually laughs, feeling herself flush a little again.

"But," she says, "your Ray…"

Leo smiles and waves away the protest. "I can tell you, Sara, that almost no one could understand better about taking the time with the people you love while you still can. I'll tell him what happened and why, and he'll give me some shit about it." A smirk, one that's almost familiar. "And then I'll make it up to him."

Sara laughs a little, looking down yet again and smoothing the map on the desk with her hands. Then she glances back up.

"Is he...there?" she asks, and they both know who she's talking about. "At all?"

Leo's gaze goes distant, much like Leonard's had last night. But then he shakes his head, something unfathomable in his eyes.

"He's…asleep," he says after a moment, quietly. "Like a fading dream."

"Sacrificing himself again," Sara whispers, then shuts her eyes. "Damnit. I'm sorry, Leo. It's not that I want you to be gone. He made that choice, and I understand why. I just…"

"You thought he was gone, and then he wasn't, and now he is again." There's understanding in his voice and, when Sara looks at him, in his eyes. "And even though you got a…decent goodbye, this time..." He smirks, his expression again familiar. "...it was still a goodbye."

Sara doesn't trust herself to say anything, though, at the sight of that smirk. She turns away, eyes burning again. But Leo doesn't let her. He moves with her, reaching out to catch her right hand and bringing it up to his chest, putting it over his heart.

Leonard's heart, beating steadily.

And then the tears overflow and she curses every single one of them as they do. Leo just stands there with her, holding her hand, letting her grieve.

"This is a gift, Sara, the most precious gift I could ever have been given," he says, finally. "And I swear to you I'll make the most of it."

She sniffs, angry at her sorrow, all the mourning she hadn't let herself do before, but she also looks him in the eye, because he deserves it. "And your Ray."

"And my Ray." There's a light shining in his eyes that makes her smile as he says the name. "And you know, you should too."

Sara, regretfully, pulls her hand away. "What do you mean?"

"You don't let yourself get close to people. Oh, sure, physical closeness." He waves a hand. "But not real intimacy." Another smirk. "I recall…enough of last night…to say you let yourself do that for the first time in years. Remember it. Look for it. Appreciate it."

Sara studies him. "OK," she says finally. "I'll try."

Leo nods, a slightly different expression entering his eyes. "I can tell you this, and I'm sure of it to the bottom of my soul. Souls," he amends. "He wanted you to be happy."

She's still digesting that as he takes a step back.

"And now, when you're ready," Leo tells her, "I'd like to go back to Central City, let Cisco Ramon send me back to Earth-X." He grins. "I think I have a very important question to ask someone."

Sara lifts her eyes and regards him for a long moment. Then she smiles.

"I'll set the course right away," she says. "It shouldn't be too long."

"Thank you. Captain."

Sara watches him go, then looks down at the papers before her. After a time, she shakes her head, moving out of the study and onto the bridge, crossing to the viewscreen and its sparkling panorama, all the potential and the pain of time, spread out before her.

She thinks about cards and scotch, about Captain & Tennille, about taking chances and making amends.

About love great enough to sacrifice itself.

And the life ahead of her, waiting.

"Thanks, Leonard," she whispers, staring out at the timestream. "Sleep well."

But did you see the flares in the sky? Were you blinded by the light? Did you feel the smoke in your eyes? Did you, did you? Did you see the sparks filled with hope? You are not alone 'Cause someone's out there, sending out flares

[vamytas]

A (Very Rough & Ready) Guide to Alex’s Tattoos

I’ve been putting this off for a LONG time because I like to be meticulous especially with character visuals but with the amount of tattoos Alex has, especially on his expansive canvas of a 6 foot body, trying to find a pictoral example for EVERY bit of ink is... YEAH lmfao.

* As a guiding note, the indicating ‘left’ & ‘right’ etc. is from HIS left and right. All heart designs are typical cartoon shape unless stated as (anatomical).

NECK //

Underneath his ear lobe, on the left side of his neck is a hand holding a needle -- designed to look as if it’s pierced through his skin. At the top of the needle is a red thread which curves semi-loosely around the back of his neck and wraps around a red heart below his right earlobe.This can only be seen if you lift (or pull) up his hair since he never, if rarely ever, ties it back high enough. 

LEFT ARM // 

FINGERS: Simplified red rose gradually blooming from little to index finger, from bud to full bloom. This is just below the top of his knuckles, below them (closer to his nails) on each finger is a stem with thorns.  HAND: Bull face, directed towards viewer -- lineart with minimal black shading. FOREARM: Basically a flash tattoo / pork-chop sheet mixture (see here & here  -- middle pic). Omitting anything explicitly religious (apart from a cross or two) and culturally appropriative. Includes a range of panthers, snakes, skulls, hummingbird with beak in flower, handcuffs, full figure Betty Boop, inkwell and heart wrapped in barbed wire. All interspersed with Felix the Cat faces and little stars to fill blank spaces. Very clear linework and simple shading, only using bright colours: red, green, blue and yellow. Some of these are done by Alex himself, his first tattoo on his own body being an ouroboros snake.  UPPER ARM: Much of the same as above, except with the addition of a Sailor Jerry style pin-up with blonde hair in a corset and heels. Also a chain band just below his shoulder. SHOULDER: Lucifer from Bosch’s Garden of Earthly Delights. First tattoo with complex colour-shading, done by his first employer in London who he worked with as apprentice. 

RIGHT ARM //

FINGERS: Skeleton anatomy on the full-length of his middle finger and knuckles, the rest of his fingers (near nails) and his thumb are blocked with plain black. HAND: Continues with skeleton anatomy. Entire design is clearly inked style shading (as in nothing that looks anatomically realistic) like this. FOREARM: Contemporary & post-modern designs. Inner forearm is covered with praying mule from And the Ass Saw the Angel book cover. Outer forearm is design pictured on the left here, picture was taken at an exhibition which I have the guide to and artist credit but .. whoever edited it  helpfully didn’t align credit with the picture so I need to manually look up each artist listed to HOPEFULLY find the one who did it.  UPPER ARM / SHOULDER:  Literally cannot describe but is piece by Jef Palumbo. Due to technique being incredibly skilled, I am taking full advantage of fictionality and tattooist with these mad skillz existing in early nineties for Alex’s sake... let him have this ..

CHEST / TORSO //

The largest / most expansive singular piece on his body. His chest and torso are fully covered with a design I lifted off a Jean Paul Gaultier add and tried editing onto his bawdy for promo graphic a while ago -- unlike graphic, the tattoo would still be in the same colour as Gaultier ad, but yellow of skull would be red instead -- less tribal texture and more lined mark-making like the skull featured in me blog background to the left of Alex’s head (I can’t find the pic in my folder..)

BACK //

UPPER BACK: This is where a little imagination is required as I’ll just be listing a bunch of images but they’re all collaged in a cohesive/overlapping way like Duncan X’s back -- pic taken by Liam Sparkes. So;  Saint Sebastian by Myles Karr down Alex’s spine. On the left: text from this photo by Tish Murtha complete with exposed brick effect -- in black and white. On the right: text from this, including a stencilised Pauline Boty rendered in Lichtenstein-ish comic print style, with matching Lichtenstein bright colour scheme. These three images together and with a certain scaling form an arc shape across his upper back, and the thread mentioned earlier on the back of his neck hangs an inch above the Saint Sebastian’s hands. Spaces in between filled by Jemma Jones style flash tattoos. LOWER BACK: I’m getting lazy so again, just imagine in style of Sparkes tattoos summat like this mixed with this on the left and again more flash tattoos imposed between and over blank spaces.

HIPS //

Handprints on each harr harr.

ASS // 

🙊 Only his partners know ... unless you attend classes where he poses for life drawing

LEFT LEG // 

THIGH (FRONT): Entire leg is surrealist/dadaist themed. Whole front of thigh is coverd by this collage by Otto D’Ambra. THIGH (BACK): Under his butt: Eliott Lane. Under that, another Otto D’Ambra. Around them, these (1, 2) by Caleb Kilby, and top middle illustration by Kathryn Kirk. KNEE: Left eye of Siouxsie Sioux, (right eye on his right knee). I’m imagining these are also embellished around the edges by a circular labyrinth symbol pattern to fit the shape of his knee joint.  SHIN: Fish-head man by Kerry-Anne Richardson, black and white. CALF: Hannah Hoch collage, but in black and white -- rendered much like D’Ambra tattoo on the front of his thigh (semi-realistic pointilism shading for woman’s face, simplified basic outline for images surrounding it). ANKLE: Smoking bunny by Sarah Whitehouse. * Spaces between these main pieces are filled by flash tattoos in style of Liam Sparkes. Entire leg is only black ink.

RIGHT LEG // 

THIGH (FRONT): Entire leg mirrors left arm in a mixture of classic tattoo designs/styles with pop-culture & illustrative character leanings. Multi-eyed devil (??) piece by Kerry-Anne Richardson. Full colour. Fishnet leggies by Just Jen on inside of thigh. THIGH (BACK): Skull emerging from chrysanthemum by Ben Shaw, underneath that: crescent moon by Kerry-Anne Richardson. KNEE: Aforementioned Siouxsie Sioux eye in labyrinth. SHIN: Wolf in sheep’s clothing by Iain Sellar.  CALF: THIS!!!!!!!! by Charissa Gregson. He hasn’t got a name yet.. suggestions welcome. Below him, more Iain Sellar stuff. ANKLE: Peachy-keen, piece by Holly Ashby. * Spaces in between main pieces on thigh are filled by Dennis the Menace & Peanuts panel. Out of sheer self-indulgence I’m adding this lady. Every other blank space refers back to Sparkes and Jemma Jones flash tattoos.

He doesn’t have any on his feet because he’s ticklish there..

[agl03]

“A Life Spent” Promo Breakdown

This was one of those promo’s that has a mix of new and old footage and some of what was in there was from the Premiere.  As alwasys spoilers could totally kill these.   

Daisy and Deke are getting along splendidly.  Deke is rightly worried that the team will draw too much undue attention to them and eventually I’m afraid someone is going to get hurt.   Daisy going after Jemma is going to be incredibly dangerous and not just for herself.  It looks like Daisy is going to set off on her own at least initally, Deke will probably show up at some point to help her out.

Coulson in his quarters and in his Space PJ’s.  In the promo pics and other shots from the episode he’s still in his ‘diner’ outfit.  So this is either from a future episode or the end.  Not sure what happens that leads to Coulson losing his shirt and jacket either, I just know its not going to be pretty.

Both Tess and Deke have their hands full with the team simply keeping them in line, alive, and from getting anyone else killed.  The team trying to figure out a way home, like Daisy going for Jemma, is likely to make waves and draw some very unwanted attention.  And like Daisy, I don’t think that those in the ‘mines’ are initially going to listen.  I’ve got a bad feeling about Tess guys, I feel her life is going to be the one spent and her death is going to hit them all hard, but Mack especially.  

Its the Space Bus AKA the Trawler, I love it already, no blowing this one up okay Kolpack.

Ugh, Count Creepy and his Creepy Ball Lady Bodyguard.   He’s got guests coming and like everything else here I don’t think we’re going to like who these newcomers are, some sort of rulers (Lady Basha).  Also interesting is the very human looking guy there listed in as Tye in IMDB.  

“We have a problem and for your sake I pray you can fix it,”  I think this will be tied to the visitors.  He will either need Jemma’s medical expertise, he knows the truth of who she is and is after her Inhuman expertise, or something no on my radar yet.  Also floating around is in the comics the Kree Race is dying and there is a group that values its genetic purity.  

Getting long so under the thing.

When the Kree had Mack and Yoyo they mentioned sending Mack to fight in the Crater or to Kasius as Jemma has been.  I’m guessing this is the Crater and its some kind of gladiator kind of fighting place that no doubt someone on the team will land in at some point.

Coulson wants to take the Space Bus out for a spin to look for clues, Tess not so much.  You can see here and in other shots that Coulson has the notebook he found of Virgil’s (which is very possibly Fitz’s).  Mack and May at least are heading out to check things out.

Daisy starts to make it into the upper levels of the the Lighthouse, cue fight scene.

There are Inhumans, and the two seen in the promo are children.  I won’t be surprised if the Kree aren’t taking the Inhumans as they find them among the humans and using them for weapons (as the original experiment intended) or something worse.   Jemma seems to have been sent to take care/look after this Inhuman...and I’m preparing for kick in the feels due to a later screenshot.  What I’m not sure of is if The Company brings them or if Kasius has them elsewhere in the lighthouse.  

Daisy’s made a new friend...don’t get attached.  He talks about “he” destroying the station and everyone on it.  Unless Kasius has a way out and something better waiting for him...I’m not sure if its him.  He’s not listed on the Press Release for 3, but he is on for 4 as Ben.   So this could be for 4 or he was left off for one reason or another.

May is done...big fight scene.

May vs. Sinara.  But what I found MUCH more interesting about this is where the fight is taking place.  A lab, and one that looks pretty in tact considering the rest of the station.  To me this could be an area that was either hidden or sealed off.  Also Sinara saw May with Jemma so that could contribute to this fight and if May injures Sinara that could be the thing Jemma has to fix.

Mack on the Space Bus or some sort of close quarters and I’m guessing he’s having his words with Zev, Grill’s right hand.  Don’t think Zev makes it out of 3 either.

Poor Abby (the Inhuman Jemma is with earlier) has been forced to Fight the Beast.  I warned you there would be feels.  

More May taking on Kree, looks like we see where she gets the ax from (also betting this could be the foundation for Mack’s Space Shotgun Ax).

I can’t tell who is fighting with May here,but I think its Daisy by how he’s blasted into the wall.

Oh look there is Ben again, looks like its his turn in the arena and he has some sort of super strength or its someone weaker trying to land a punch.  

Daisy is fighting Kree all over the Lighthouse and how she’s found a hydroponics lab of sorts.  Both Kasius and those in Processing were had plants here and there in Orientation. 

There is no indication in the promo if Daisy makes it to Jemma or if she is detoured by new problems that crop up.   

That’s it for now based on the promo!