#{ unprocessed trauma; thread }

[starry-bi-sky]

my martha knight au in a nutshell:

Danny/Martha: see up here?

Danny/Martha: *taps skull*

Danny/Martha: intense psychological damage

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Danny/Martha: *upon finding out she's pregnant*

Danny/Martha: oh my god i cant be a mom, I'm fifteen and homeless--

Danny/Martha: im going to be a terrible mother--

Danny/Martha: i live in a cAR--

Danny/Martha: what if the baby inherits my powers? Oh no--

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Danny/Martha post giving birth: i've only had Bruce for a minute and a half but if anything were to happen to him i won't even need to fuse with Vlad, I'm razing this goddamn planet to the ground myself

Danny, to Baby Bruce: you are the last remaining thread of my sanity. I'm going to give you the world :)

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Danny/Martha prior to getting pregnant: Fuck it, if everything in my life has led to this moment, i'm allowed to make one stupid decision. I'm getting drunk and getting laid

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Danny/Martha while Bruce was a toddler: i swear to fucking god i am going to kill the next person who talks to me--

Bruce: hi mommy!! i brought you something!!!

Danny/Martha, immediately flipping on a dime: hi baby!! what do you have?

Bruce, a weird child like his mother: a spider :)

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Danny/Martha, talking to Falcone after he made an unsavory comment at her and Bruce: If you ever come near me or my son again, I will dig up your shithead father's corpse and make you eat his skin.

Danny/Martha: do you understand me

Falcone:... crystal, ma'am

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Danny/Martha new in Gotham: *getting mugged*

Danny/Martha: *grabs man's arm*

Danny/Martha: I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF LIKE A TWIG, FUCK BOY, DO YOU HEAR THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH--

(she then proceeds to terrorize Gotham's night life for the next extended period of time, mostly unintentionally)

---------------

Danny/Martha: Danny Fenton?? No. you must be mistaken, my name is Martha Knight.

Danny/Martha: this here is my littlest knight, Bruce.

Danny/Martha: I made him all by myself :]

[mxchineherald]

[cont. from x.] [@jynxd]

  He had only just gotten used to the hidden firelight sanctuary a couple of days ago. The clear air and sunlight reminded him more of Piltover, but there was no denying that this was Zaun, his home. He’d been given a small room, with enough space for the few belongings he had. The Hexcore, meanwhile, while tied to him, was left in containment at the doctor’s lab. It made him anxious to leave it alone with that kind of a man, but he was also his only resource for understanding the device’s capabilities.

 Taken to daily walks to get fresh air and move himself, Viktor had decided to visit Ekko’s workshop to see what he was up to. When he rounded the corner, he was certain the clunk of his crutch would let Ekko know he was there, so he didn’t bother knocking. Ekko heard him, it seemed, but when he turned to face him, there was a shocked look on his face. Worried he might have startled him, Viktor cushioned it with, “Working on something new?”

 Ekko jumped from his chair, and the response he got was one of pleading, along with a strange, out of left-field reminder that he was‘dead’. “I… No, I don’t think so.” He cautiously looked Ekko over, noticing the tears streaming down his skin. Whatever was going on, it was causing the young man such a pain that Viktor’s chest ached with guilt. “Ekko… Are you alright? You look like you’ve seen a ghost…” He wasn’t that ghoulish looking, was he?

 He approached slowly, the creak of his crutch against the floorboards echoing in the relatively open space. Ekko was back against the tree, and with little space to run past him. He knew it must have felt like cornering, but he needed to ground him in reality somehow. With a slight grimace of sympathy, he extended his hand out to touch Ekko’s shoulder. “Ekko, listen to my voice. It is only me, Viktor.” He gave Ekko a squeeze with his fingers. “Can you tell me what you’re seeing?”

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Ahmed Baba:

In September, I was with Democratic canvassers in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. I gave an anti-disinformation lecture to volunteers and spoke to voters. One encounter I had with a Trump supporter shifted my perspective. I’ll never forget it. A canvasser and I knocked on the door of an 80-year-old man who appeared to live alone. He was furious before we even got a word out. Luckily, the awesome woman I was at the door with was as committed to remaining calm as I was while this man unleashed an avalanche of right-wing conspiracy theories. He pointed at us, yelling, “You Democrats are ruining this country!” among other things. I tried to de-escalate the situation because I felt that immediately walking away would only further trigger him. His energy gave the impression he might follow us. As we heard him out, something remarkable happened. He began to rage about President Biden’s withdrawal from Afghanistan and said, “I’m a veteran.” Tears began to fill his eyes. He talked about how he felt this country had failed people like him. His fury was a mask for his sadness.

At that moment, I felt a surge of empathy. I realized that underneath all of his conspiracism was unprocessed pain manifesting itself in misdirected anger - anger that was being exploited by Donald Trump and the Republican Party. Since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how that lonely, angry man was a microcosm of unaddressed pain within America. Like any unhealed trauma, if avoided, it will manifest itself in destructive ways. After Trump’s win, I thought back to that moment and began ruminating about how something feels fundamentally off in the way many Americans have been behaving in recent years, especially online. Empathy feels like a rarity, assumptions of bad faith from others appear to be the norm, and nuance is almost impossible to capture in discussions.

Earlier this week, I sent out a post that read, “I really think the collective trauma of the pandemic broke a lot of Americans in a way we haven’t fully reckoned with.” To my surprise, this simple message popped off on Twitter, Threads, and Bluesky, garnering about 850k views and thousands of people agreeing with the sentiment. Given how profoundly that post resonated with people, I thought I’d examine this theory more closely. Over 1 million Americans have died of COVID-19, and we have no national COVID Memorial Day where we mourn the dead as a country. After the shutdowns and intense period of collective isolation ended, we were all just expected to get back to “normal.” Adults had their lives put on pause, and many haven’t been able to rebuild. Children lost key education and socialization time. And, of course, there are the literal costs that rose due to inflation amid the pandemic recovery. Meanwhile, conspiracy theories about the pandemic, egged on by the former president who mismanaged the pandemic in the first place, sought to sow distrust in our institutions and each other.

Couple these pandemic developments with the racial justice protests of the Summer of 2020 and the Trump Administration’s cruel response, and you have a year riddled with trauma. Have we fully reckoned with this? I don’t think so. Of course, simply stating the pandemic alone is to blame for how broken society feels would be overly simplistic. The psychological and physiological trauma of the pandemic merely worsened the pre-existing conditions of the American psyche.

In the post-9/11 era, we live in a world plagued by the consequences of President W. Bush’s unjustified invasion of Iraq based on a lie. Americans justifiably lost trust in the federal government. That war destabilized a region, killed hundreds of thousands, displaced millions, and led to a mass migration that altered the politics of countries around the world. Then, the 2008 financial crisis further deepened that mistrust and damaged the lives of Americans economically. Trump rose amid the ashes of those events, and the racial backlash of the election of Barack Obama, and then came the pandemic. After the pandemic, we've seen higher levels of distrust, isolation, and fear - the data backs this up. This created an environment where disinformation and polarization have continued to flourish. Trump, who has a unique talent for identifying flaws in society, shamelessly exploited and deepened these conditions.

[...]

The Pandemic’s Psychological Impact

The pandemic has had a deeper psychological impact on Americans than we fully realize. In 2023, the American Psychological Association (APA) sought to quantify how the pandemic affected the mental health of Americans. They published a survey titled Stress in America 2023: A Nation Recovering from Collective Trauma, which I’ve found to be the most significant poll analyzing the collective trauma of post-pandemic America.

It had a pretty sizable sample size of 3,185 respondents compared directly to their survey from 2019, so you could see results from both before and after the pandemic began. APA’s CEO Arthur C. Evans Jr. said of the survey, “The COVID-19 pandemic created a collective experience among Americans. While the early-pandemic lockdowns may seem like the distant past, the aftermath remains.” [...] These psychological shifts have made Americans more vulnerable to disinformation campaigns and fueled deeper political polarization. When people are in distress, they are more susceptible to manipulation. It’s why cult leaders prey on the vulnerable. You’ll often find that cult survivors will relay stories about how they were trying to find their purpose or just went through a really hard time before joining a cult. We see this happening a lot online and in our politics as our information ecosystem feeds people deception when they’re simply seeking community. In my article about how journalists should cover the Trump administration, I discussed how this disinformation age came to be. Even before COVID-19, our media consumption had become fragmented, and there were no longer universally agreed-upon facts. Our social media feeds are at the whim of corporate-engineered personalized algorithms that are designed to reinforce our preexisting biases and capture our attention at all costs - even if that cost is the truth. Gone are the days of the dominant Big Three networks - ABC, NBC, and CBS - and major newspapers delivering centralized news in the mid-1900s. Americans now receive their news from a wide array of sources, from podcasters to social media creators. The gatekeepers are gone. While this has created great opportunities for honest independent media to rise, the incentive structure of an internet dominated by the attention economy encourages shameless, lying grifters as well.

[...] During the pandemic, disinformation surged. Conspiracy theories targeting scientists ruled the internet and largely landed along party lines. Right-wing figures pushed anti-vaccine nonsense until vaccine mandates became politically toxic among Republican voters. Issues of public health became polarized, and we’re still dealing with that fallout today. [...] As I’ve often outlined, Trump’s primary talent has always come down to his ability to identify and shamelessly exploit the weaknesses in people, cultures, and systems. From his fraudulent business career to his presidency, Trump tapped into the darkest corners of the American psyche and brought them out to the forefront. Like the pandemic itself, Trump didn’t simply break America; he took advantage of its existing fractures and deepened them. Trump served as a mirror the country could peer into and see its flaws laid bare. The American people’s susceptibility to conspiracy theories and disinformation has noticeably increased since 2020. Trump has exploited this phenomenon by using fear-mongering lies and chaos to his advantage, turning post-pandemic fears into political fuel. Trump also utilized the racism, misogyny, and xenophobia in America - which has been a problem since America’s founding. He fear-mongered about migrants, specifically migrants of color, using dehumanizing language, trying to depict them all as criminals and animals. Trump and his allies used blatantly racist and sexist language to attack Vice President Kamala Harris.

Ahmed Baba has a solid article on how COVID and its effects led America to have collective trauma and the shattering of the already waning social trust.

[eclipsecrowned]

What other muses did you wish to add to your roster but never did? Which of your muse(s) resembles you the most? Who was your first muse on this blog? Who is the latest? // @dollhidden

Two things!

One, fandom can barely handle whatever the hell is going on with Mia and Ada morally. I was there when 5 dropped and I recall all too well the reception this character got. I am not about to open the floodgates of ice cold takes that people would bring to my table as if their thoughts about her are my problem on this, the no reading comprehension site.

I am also majorly afraid that I will be perceived as forceshipping if I add... You know. W*sker's boobily breasting lady minion who canonically is trying to get an organic dose of Ur*boros. For now, I relegate her to discord threads with Ax and Ferret where she is a blend of ambitchious and brilliant that allows her to run with the apex predator in-universe.

As for which muse resembles me most, my secret is that all my muses have some part of me in them, whether as I am, as I have been, or as I'd like to be. A shared interest or hobby. A similar taste in film, literature, or music. An overlapping dream or ambition. Some trauma I should probably go to therapy about but am instead vivisecting and examining live on the dash. I am a firm believer in not writing what you know, but putting a piece of yourself into each of your characters to help you connect with even the worst of them. You can draw at least one parallel between all my muses and myself.

I'd argue it's Alb*l, though. I too am a freak bitch with anger issues motivated largely by unprocessed shame, unresolved father trauma, and negative charisma modifiers. Y'all do not see me at my worst. I think out of all the muses on this page, he's the one that best reflects who I am, or at least who I perceive myself as.

Oof. Julia is not my first muse on tumblr proper, that goes to a brief stint as The Graveyard Book's Silas, and then to another abandoned blog, Sophie, but she is the longest lived muse still active on this page. More recently, well, that's the BG3 squad, and of them, my half-elf bard (and bhaalspawn) Miruna.

You can also argue by technicality, my first muse is instead one of several of my now fandomless muses who began life as fandom muses, though. Marika and Zoltan for Und*rworld, Severina for H*ghlander, Maria for a certain personification anime we will not speak of in polite company--

[the-haunted-office]

What sort of arcs would you like to explore most, individually or overall, for your muses after the Retcon?

Ask anything you'd like about my characterization or how I play my character.

Well, first I want to continue with the arc of Stanley leaving the Office and going out on his own into Post-Apocalyptic Fictional Earth. That one kind of stems off from the whole piano plot, which I'm not sure if you're familiar with it, but basically Doomsday accidentally dropped a piano on him, killed him, and then in order to try to save him, Thursday and Cyrus put his body in a freezer since Stanley Johnson doesn't respawn the same way the folks in the Haunted Office do (SJ is from a different Office, as it turns out). SJ's ghost felt that this violated his autonomy and became angry at Thursday, but he didn't realize Cyrus was involved too, so he took it all out on her. SJ's original Narrator, Arthur, eventually showed up and brought him back via cloning, which really messed up his body, and now SJ suffers chronic pain in addition to memory loss and the loss of the ability to speak. Thursday couldn't take SJ being mad at her any longer and spilled the beans on Cyrus being involved, so now SJ is mad at Cyrus too, and that brings us up to speed, where SJ has stormed out of the Office.

That was a wall of text, but yeah! I want to continue with that first, see where that goes. I really think that will provide some interesting character development for Stanley, not for him as an individual muse but also between him and Cyrus (who are kindasorta halfway shipped, they're interested in each other but it's definitely a slowburn situation) and him and Thursday too, who are friends and I'd like to see their friendship healed. Thursday needs to learn to be able to let go of people, and Stanley needs to learn to let go of his biases too, because he sort of held his own bias against his Narrator against her (she sort of reminds him of his Narrator, Arthur, who he despises).

I'd really like to do some arcs expanding my muses' world outwards and possible introduce some new muses. I have loose plans in mind for this. I'd like them to explore more of Post-Apocalyptic Fictional Earth and implement more of that into potential plots and into threads, if others are interested.

I'd really love to be able for them to forms connections with others outside of the Office, too! That was a big driving force behind the whole Retcon plot. I felt that my muses were too difficult to get along with up front and it was inhibiting them from forming bonds with other muses, and because it was inhibiting bonds from forming, it was making it difficult for other people to care about my muses, and because of that, it was just... inhibiting interactions in general. I don't know for a fact if this was the case, but it seemed to be to me, so I thought I'd adjust the dials on some personality traits here and there and see how it went. All in all, my muses are absolutely still themselves, they haven't really changed in who they are, it's just certain aspects of their personalities have been adjusted to make it so they aren't as peevish in threads, if that makes sense.

Like, Doomsday will no longer be going out of her way to antagonize people, especially in response to OOC post, like she would before - unless I know for absolute certain you are okay with it. And she also won't just be picking fights left, right, and center over everything. While I enjoyed this aspect of her personality, I don't believe everyone else enjoyed it. I think it was exhausting to others to have her always coming at their muses and antagonizing them all the time, so I wanted to dial that back a bit and see how that helped with interactions with her. She's still absolutely going to be a pain in the ass at times and difficult to get close to because that's just who she is, but I've dialed it down from like 100 to maybe 75 or something like that haha.

And with Thursday, she had a lot of unprocessed trauma that was making it virtually impossible for her to trust anybody. She just couldn't trust anybody and couldn't open up to anybody in any capacity. I sort of forgot that, hey, I have all these other muses right here in my own arsenal that she can talk to to process her grief and trauma, and that might help make it easier for her to connect with others outside of the Office. So that's what the Retcon has done for her. It's reinforced her connections with the other people in the Office, so now she doesn't feel so alone and disconnected from everybody, and now it's ideally going to be easier for her to open up to others and trust other muses. It doesn't, by any means, she's going to immediately open up and going to take down all of her boundaries, but I do think it will make first interactions with her a lot more pleasant.

That's the idea, anyway! That's what the aim is. If nothing comes of any of it, then that's all right. It's not a huge deal. Ultimately their characterizations are still the same. The Retcon all in all is just minor adjustments behind the scenes that you won't really notice, most likely, and that's all for the best, I think. If the changes were too big, then they'd be totally different characters and that's not what I want.

So, with all that in mind, going forward, what I'd really like for them outside of internal interactions, is to be able to forge better connections with other people's muses. I really would. It's been like pulling teeth for me to find people to rp with, and then it's been even harder than that finding people who want to stick around and who care about my muses enough to plot with me and everything. I know I can't make people want to do that, but I hope that by making the adjustments I've made and taking out some of the things that have been making threads too unpleasant for some people, I can find some kind of a happy medium.

Sorry, I know that was long, and if you stuck around to read all that, then you're real cool! And of course, if you have any follow-up questions, do feel free to send them in, I'd be happy to answer them. :)

[denimbex1986]

'3.5 Stars

An intimate portrait of a love-hungry, troubled, lonely soul emerges from Andrew Haigh's enigmatic psychological drama. All of Us Strangers tells viewers that unprocessed trauma and repressed feelings will eventually find their way out.

How long can we suppress the grief and maintain the appearance that everything is fine? How does a repressed feeling or secret affect us and what effect can the creative process have on all of these?

Screenwriter Adam (Andrew Scott) lives in an East London tower block. He is working on new material, for which he goes back to his childhood memories, including his great trauma, the loss of his parents. This process starts something in him, with the old memories and trauma coming to the surface, he loses touch with reality.

It begins a journey between the present, the past and the imagination.

Andrew Haigh's protagonist is the embodiment of the lonely and alienated modern man who has to deal with years of pain. In one of the film's storylines, Adam returns to the family home, the home of his mother and father (Claire Foy and Jamie Bell) in the London suburb of Sanderstead, where he finds them as he remembers them. After that, Adam returns to them several times, but the purpose of his visits is not only the connection, but also an unfulfilled confession, the man's coming out. Haigh delicately touches on the exciting premise of Taichi Yamada's 1987 novel Strangers , while reshaping the underlying work in his own language.

In the dreamlike fabric of All of Us Strangers, not only the boundaries of fantasy and reality are blurred, but also the time planes of different ages.

We meet the parents' selves from the 80s in the family home, where time has stopped, and Adam, who stands out in a dual role, appears both as an adult and as a child. Although he hides from his parents in an adult body and tells about his current life, at night, when he can't sleep, he escapes into the bed between them like a small child. The meetings with the parents are full of emotional scenes, but the dynamics of the storyline sometimes become predictable, so the mystery disappears.

Another thread of the story revolves around a romance between Adam and his neighbor Harry (Paul Mescal). An intimate, emotional, deep relationship develops in the trauma-filled, haunting story. The two lonely men are similar in many ways, for example in finding a partner after a long time.

They are not only lovers, but also soul mates: Harry is a sure point in Adam's life, who strengthens the man in himself.

Although their relationship seems real, Harry's existence - as well as that of his parents - is questioned at one point. His character can represent many things alongside Adam: he can be the rational half of the protagonist, who pulls him out into reality at the right moment, but at the same time he can also be a wishful dream as a male image and a symbol of the relationship. Adam's empty life and troubled inner world are suddenly filled with desire and love thanks to his partner Harry and his parents.

Thus, in addition to the psychological film, we also see a family and a romantic drama unfolding in parallel.

This diversity is also reflected in the visual world. Cold colors, an empty environment (in Adam's current home, for example) and ethereal music are more typical of the present. The counterpoint to this is the parents' house, which is more characterized by warm colors and a sense of nostalgia. The childhood house is also interesting because the British writer-director filmed these scenes in his own childhood home.

A cruel confrontation with reality is the conclusion of the film, which does not hold any resolution, but rather points out the seriousness of Adam's condition. It can be interpreted as an unfulfilled love story, a cry for help from a broken mind, or a transcendent love story.

He uses a similar narrative style to portray the inner world of his protagonist in Maggie Gyllenhaal's The Lost Girl , in which a beach vacation takes a dark turn when Leda (Olivia Colman) begins to be haunted by her troubled past after witnessing the disappearance of a little girl on the beach. In the end, he finds the child, but the despair of the young mother deeply upsets him. If

All of Us Strangers tells about the loss of parents from a child's point of view,

then this film approaches the topic from the parent's side with the twist that in this case Leda struggles with remorse for having left her family alone for years as a mother.

Also tells an intimate yet mysterious parent-child relationship pieced together from memory fragments Charlotte Wells Once upon a summer - oh. The film is a melancholic, at the same time happy, yet full of tensions and internal conflicts fabric, in which we get to know the burdened, mentally challenging life of the father (Paul Mescal) through his daughter's retrospective. As in the case of Maggie Gyllenhaal's film, parents need help here too.

Moreover, you don't have to look long into Haigh's work to find similar themes.

His first feature film, The Weekend , is also about two gay men whose relationship starts as a one-night stand, but soon develops into much more. The film also deals with the relationship between young men and their parents.

Haigh likes to play with time planes and fantasy in his new film. This also appears symbolically in his film 45 Years , whose heroes are sent back to the past by an unexpected, disturbing news. While the husband is haunted by memories of a buried relationship, the wife immerses herself in her fantasy. The sensitive story similarly revolves around the themes of grief, forgetting, forgiveness and love.

It is typical of recent years that many psychological films are made,

which focus on the parent-child relationship or the relationship between lovers, and show the internal struggles of their characters in their thematic or narrative style. Andrew Haigh's film introduces an important theme into this trend with the warmth of its protagonist and by flying the man back to his parents' house in the 80s, who feels that he needs his parents' acceptance to move forward.

Andrew Scott and Paul Mescal complement each other very well, their characters make a sensitive couple who know each other's emotions. We have also seen them in similar roles in their previous works: for example, Andrew Scott plays a gay character rejected by his parents in the film Pride , and Mescal also immerses himself in a very intimate relationship in Normal People .

All of Us Strangers is a strange mix , in which love and idyllic family moments swirl,

however, the slowly flowing story turns into a nightmare instead of a happy fantasy. A reflection of the inner world of a desperate person, a continuous game of stretching the boundaries of fantasy and reality. It's a stirring journey that draws you in, and with its choice of topics, raises important questions, but at the same time, the mystique is left out of its nightmarish world.'

[deramin2]

There is no way that Matt dropped that in to be ignored, and there's no way that Taliesin "oops my backstory has been a center piece for the last two campaigns" Jaffe is going to just look at that and leave it alone.

What I think is happening is the "gotta stop the appocolypse" OP is discussing, but also I think Ashton is just trying to process that. They compartmentalize their trauma as much as Laudna and I think they're just going,

ID: text chat screenshot reading "there's a lot to unpack here but let's just throw away the whole suitcase." End ID

He's wondered about Hishari for years and he just got this big infodump he can barely process. And then he's told he could just go there and where all those answers are. And of course as viewers we're like YES! GO THERE AND GIVE US THE SWEET JUICY ANSWERS!! And I'm sure Taliesin is also thinking that.

But also that's the site of Ashton's biggest trauma in a traumatic life. Of course they want to find an excuse to avoid it. Avoidance is what they do.

Ashton: "I'm a very big believer in you just keep, if you keep moving then, you know, momentum means that, you know, you don't really have to focus on anything unpleasant for too long." (CR C3 E62 0:35:33)

It makes sense that they might not be ready to confront that. They've wanted it so much for so long that actually having it in front of them as tangible instead of theoretical is really scary. It arrests the momentum. It means they actually have to decide how they feel and grapple with what happened as historical fact instead of nebulous feelings of rage towards people they basically don't remember.

But Team Unprocessed Trauma were there for him learning that, and I don't think they'll let him avoid it forever, either. It's a thread hanging there now, but eventually he and the rest of the party are going to pull on it. It's also possible that finding out what happened there will be key to unraveling Ludinus' plot. That would be very Matt Mercer.

So I'm also chomping at the bit, but I'm trying to have patience. There's going to be a payoff here eventually and it's going to be good. Taliesin deliberately leaves holes like this for Matt to fill and he will absolutely circle back. If C3 is around the same length as C1 and C2, we're less than half way through the series. There is going to be more time.

okay LISTEN. I fucking love the energy of the "the apocalypse is ACTIVELY happening right now, and so every day where we don't get things done is an active problem."

but DAMN do I wish we had a few days to fuck off to Tumilo to dig into Ashton's past. They fucking deserve to have a few days going after their own shit.

Remember, Ashton literally only decided to stick with Bells Hells because they heard Orym say the word "Ashari" and impulse-decided to help him on his own mission for the sake of maybe finding out a bit more about their past. They've spent a lot of time going along with these people, their new family, helping them all follow the trails of their own pasts. They deserve a chance to go after their own.

But the world is ending. The gods could all die tomorrow. How could Bells Hells possibly justify taking the time to follow any trail but the one Ludinus laid out for them? And yet, for Ashton, who has given so much of himself to all of them, how could they not?

[livingwellnessblog]

Brainspotting and consiousness

Brainspotting and consiousness A thread ⬇️

Exploring Brainspotting and Consciousness Brainspotting (BSP) is a talk therapy that reveals a client’s unprocessed traumas through fixed eye positions. BSP therapy is based largely on modified methods from other therapies: Somatic Experiencing (SE) Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) Acupuncture (but without needles) Together, these work to diagnose and treat potential…

[themindelectricdemo4]

Wow it is incredibly difficult to fathom all of the characters I spawned and stories I weaved primarily through 5th grade into my high school career because in a not so unfamiliar to even today I lived nearly exclusively in my head, just creating life ranging from as intense as fleshed epitomes of my unprocessed trauma to as jovial as a walking talking punchline or just a quaint snapshot of something I happened to enjoy in that moment. Like, oh, this OC who is a human bug...cute. I must've liked bugs or were inspired enough by their existence to incorporate that into my creation. Hundreds of these, one after the other, almost like every individual was just another desperate patch to a leaking roof. And not just any roof, the own singular roof above my head. That is to say that ultimately these characters did not affect anyone else except for a few exceptions. They were my headspace's dolls and so that is where they thrived and almost entirely remained. I'm able to look back at them and still remember some details about them, relationships they had and/or their small associated stories. But it's sort of weird because I feel as if I am looking at it like an incredibly knowledgeable fan rather than the creator themself....there is a disconnect, not between the characters and I necessarily since I treasure them as a fan may, but I just don't...feel like I made them. I have so much disconnect between myself and the past. It doesn't feel as if I live a consecutive life, but rather I'm a person taking care of this sector of life before I retire and the next one steps up to the job. Instead of a complete stitched doll, I'm wads of thread desperately clinging onto the next. Instead of living one life cycle, I feel as if I live several life cycles within the existence of this vessel. When I'm done for whatever reason, boredom, satisfaction, frustration, it's handed to the next. And no matter who it is passed to, they'll never be able to truly connect to this husk as it isn't, wasn't, and will not ever be their own. So I have this body now, that I'm viewing through a pulled back perspective, and I can't connect to what the previous owners achieved with it. I just feel like the kid capitalizing off their parent's success. Yet the kid & the parent once shared the same body. It is difficult to feel a sense of progression throughout life when it only feels as if I have lived only a fraction of it. I didn't graduate high school. Someone else did, and now I'm just riding off of their hard work. I guess if I had to end this...I'd picture this body as a doll being passed through owner to owner & the future of finding a forever home so to say is looking grim. I have a sense of responsibility for the previous owner's doings, whether evil or good. With the example of graduating high school, I feel it's only right to progress this body into college..so that the next owner will be able to move on from where I finished...& so on, & so forth. I don't think in many years now have I looked at the mirror and saw me, but rather what I have to present as me. I have to move the puppet's strings. There is no repercussions towards myself I neglect this body, but there are for it, such as illness & death. But I don't move the puppet out of sympathy, I move it out of obligation.

[lewyn-martell]

Logan Roy: does or doesn't want the company to stay in the family?

Under the cut is a reddit comment (and the topic by u/mrjvle for context) I wrote about Logan some time ago and I read it again today and decided I wanted to at least save it here and who knows; maybe folks on tumblr would like to read it too because this was as hard as I could think about this character and I know talk about him is not exactly on demand here. I still struggle thinking about Logan and reading my scrambled thoughts again help me gain a bit more clarity on what I forget/overlook about him sometimes.

Logan Roy: Does or Doesn’t want the company to stay in the family? (by u/mrjvle)

So my sister and I go back on forth on this. She believes Logan is just an mfer who loves messing with his kids, knowing all along he will never leave the company in any of their hands.

I believe he knows they aren’t ready, but wants to see if any of them can put together the complete package. Seems like anytime one of them gets close, they screw it up.

Kendall was attention.

Shiv wants recognition.

Roman wants control.

All 3 have screwed up royally right when they are on the cusp it seems … or did they have no shot at all?

--

This might have been already said here, but my views about Logan are so slippery I need to describe what I'm thinking asap before it goes away hahaha

I think he both wants to and doesn't (for it to stay in the family). He can't bring himself to pass it along with open hands as if it's a gift while he's still alive for a myriad of reasons.

• It's his "safety net" that he made thread by thread with his own two hands (as much as you can claim to do that in capitalism, of course, but I'm sticking with how Logan must view it) and allowed him to leave his unstable life behind (the past is not real), both in regards to financial security and how it was a good excuse/objective for him to distance himself from his actual family due to all that history. Not a guy good at dealing with feelings.

• It represents his life, bigger & greater than his own self (it's his legacy & identity). Logan gave so much of himself to it it's instinctual to guard it and fight for it tooth and nail, even against reason (like when you promised your son he could have it).

• It's absolutely painful for him to give up power & control because of the combo of personality + trauma response + environment that make Logan Roy the special little guy he is today.

• He refuses to face his own mortality. Passing the torch must be a nightmare come to life for him, someone who's afraid of dying (too much death around him going unprocessed) or acknowledging the world doesn't have a space for him anymore, especially when he had to fight for that space since he was a young man (there is a great quote by Brian Cox about Logan "I think at some point in his life, Logan has been brutalised and he's in the process of commiting an act of revenge on the rest of humanity, but for really quite legitimate reasons")

• To expand on that, growing old, I imagine, must be somewhat traumatic or shocking in today's western society if you think about it (been meaning to read more studies about it but always forget) where you are suddenly made to fall back the ladder in nearly all aspects of your life (your body, your mind, sometimes your income, and most importantly the way you're viewed, etc etc etc). It's no surprise for me that the older he gets, the more aggressive he is about hoarding power.

• To quote Kendall, he is jealous and resentful of what he managed to give his kids. He must fully embrace that self made title and to look at what he thought were his little self images just having in their hands everything he had to fight for; it doesn't add up. He should feel glad and proud to pass what he made to these other things he made, but it's obvious it all ended up as a big miscalculation (so to speak. Contrary to popular belief, Logan is not a villanous caricature that wakes up thinking how else he's going to mess with people around him today. More on that later I guess).

What I described above also lays the grounds of why he does want it to stay in the family. Men like him view kids not as their own individuals, but as a extension of himself. He had them in part so he could have what he imagined were perfect kids who would reflect back on him in all the right ways and act exactly the way he wants them to (the other part, I imagine, was the need for the so-called unconditional love that he didn't get to have with his first family and to give his mini Logans what no one gave him).

It's not even far-fetched and too out there that Logan would naturally expect that. A lot of parents imagine the future of their young children as the best they should be, and that mostly means the best THEY think they should be. It's complicated. (Plus, Logan's a narcissist). Add to it the fact that they were his second chance family whom he is sanctioned to have absolute control over and yeah, of course he thought he wanted to pass it along. Of course he groomed them into little business children (amost royalty, dare I say) instead of teaching them the way of the jungle by "not spoiling them". Of course he even agreed to give them enough power to go against him in the divorce settlement. It's something he thinks they should wield, but he also thought they would never have the need to do that to him (that goes into the Love/Power dychotomy of the show) since they would be mini Logans and all their interests should be aligned, with him as The Father and them as the Logan-children.

He couldn't forsee the paradox that would end up being. Just like you said, he believes they aren't ready, but the thing is, they will never be ready (and I disagree with your sister, this isn't a simple thing to have knowledge about. I don't think he knows, even though he suspects). "Ready", for Logan, encompasses them as people (and they'll never be enough), and also himself. He tried to wait for his poor children to make him ready in a way he would be glad to do it, but they could never undo what he so tightly assured would never be undone. They are not little badasses who had to claw their way to the top and Masters of The Game and, again, contrary to popular belief (including Logan's), he would like it LESS if they were. He can't create little Logans without making them bite him back, but he also wants to be the sole Biter and he wants unconditional love from his puppies.

He doesn't want his kids to undermine him and make him weak & defeated, but he also can't just give them the company. There is not a single game these children could play and win (as he has claimed he wants to see "what you kids don't understand it's that it's all part of the game") without him losing. He can't pass the company to his attempted tailor-made self reflections because it's acknowledgment of how much they are Not self reflections. Plus, if he gives it up, it's out of his hands, it's on the hands of his failed copies and that might be even more infuriating than someone completely unrelated.

I can't see Logan as the big bad boogeyman, even though I understand where people are coming from. I understood Lucy Prebble (writer, exec producer) when she said Logan was more of a symbol in the writing than a real character. But to me, it's just harder to see because we are experiencing him through the trauma of his children. I have seen the show multiple times and I still don't think I have this guy pegged, but not because he's just the image of the Abusive Father and I can't see him as a fellow human. I really can't get behind interpretations of Logan as Pure Evil Mastermind who knows exactly what he's doing and why he's doing it, who holds the Rulebook of the Waystar Games and has purpose in his authority. There are no rules. There's not even reason. It's all marching simply to his heartbeat and it's as erratic as you would expect this guy's feelings to be. His kids are not in a fair, logical and clear cut game. Logan will not go gentle into that good night no matter what.

(It also serves as a good correspondence to capitalism itself. How we think They™ are organized and purposeful, evil in their intentions because they See It All and carefully manouvering the world's fate to their whims but it's more like a bunch of delusional dumb dumbs afraid to lose what they have and closing their eyes to any and all bad side effects with worldwide scale for the scramble to get more, lest their wealth comes collecting).

Anyway, I hope I made sense of my Yes And No answer. It's all tangled up to how Logan sees himself, waystar, family, legacy and all his history, basically. It's like a tug of war that it's natural for humans to have inside them, with conflicting wants, needs and biased logic, but blown to Shakespearean scales because of how this guy is made and the size of the playground they're in.

TLDR; Logan loves his kids and he wants the best for them. He also doesn't want the best for them because they need to be like him. He also doesn't want to make them like him because his life sucked balls and because he can't have people taking from him the way he takes from the world. But he also can't just give it to them because Waystar is obsession, power, control, status, identity and security and because he can't just give something that means himself to people who aren't himself or at least mini-hims. His kids also will never be mini hims no matter how hard they try.

.

BTW, regarding your 'wants' for Kendall, Roman and Shiv.

I think if I had only those 3 words, I would shuffle around Kendall's and Roman's... 🤔 Good call that Shiv wants recognition (and tbh I think Ken&Shiv should share the control and recognition ones, their arcs/aspirations are very similar), but of course none of it is only or even mainly what they want... But that's a whole other thing.

[moniquill]

So lately I’ve been making a dedicated effort to read SF/F books by indigenous authors. 

Books I’ve read in the last two years, on this quest, include:

Killer of Enemies by Joseph Bruchac

The Marrow Thieves by Cherie Dimaline

The Moon of Crusted Snow by Waubgeshig Rice

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones

Walking the Clouds: An Anthology of Indigenous Science Fiction edited by by Grace L. Dillon

Love After the End: An Anthology of Two-Spirit & Indigiqueer Speculative Fiction edited by Joshua Whitehead 

Love Beyond Body, Space and Time: An Indigenous LGBT Sci-fi Anthology edited by Hope Nicholson

Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger

Future Home of the Living God by Louise Erdrich

And most recently - after three different tries to get through it, and knowing its author is Fucking Problematic, and having read only because it’s a Big Name book and I know I’m going to be asked about it as And Indigenous Person on Panels About Indigenous Fiction,

Trail of Lightning by Rebecca Roanhorse

Next on my list, hoping to get through them before Arisia in January, are

Robopocalypse: A Novel  and Robogenesis: A Novel by Daniel H. Wilson

Empire of Wild by Cherie Dimaline

And my big outcome about all of this is that I’m - so fucking tired - of sf/f by and about indigenous people that turns out to be horror. Books that are about violence and trauma and the survival thereof, about cycles of abuse and deception and betrayal. I’m -tired- of the fact that even in our fantasies or indigenous futurism speculations, there’s always a thread (or a whole fucking tapestry) of grief and terror and people being truly nasty to eachother because of unprocessed trauma.

The short stories in the anthologies do the best job of dodging this, sometimes being just funny or sweet or affirming. Elatsoe’s protagonist comes from a family that is unwaveringly loving and supportive, which makes it stand out like a beacon among these other titles. Most of them have, if not happy, then at least ‘enduring and surviving’ endings. Some don’t even have that, though, and are just Bleak on Bleak.  

I wrote this after reading Future Home of the Living God and Trail of Lightning because both are archetypal of trends I’ve seen: They occur after a second apocalypse (NDN folks have already gone through one, thnx), it’s about a person whose life is a Trauma Parade, and are very focused on violent action. I didn’t enjoy either of them. 

Future Home of the Living God is mostly a navel-gazing Christian-themed (specifically Catholic) ramble that tightly follows one woman’s pregnancy and doesn’t explore ANYTHING about its sci-fi premise; if anything it reminds me of later seasons of The Handmaid’s Tale as we go from capture by totalitarian theocracy to safety to capture to safety to capture, learning along the way that everyone the protagonist has ever loved has fundamentally lied to her in one or more ways. It’s also written in a ‘This Is Proper Literature’ style that I personally find grating. 

Trail of Lightning is a parade of violence, brief respite, violence, rinse and repeat with a protag who hates herself at the beginning and grows to hate herself slightly less at the end, after learning that everyone she’s ever trusted or loved (who hasn’t been violently murdered) has fundamentally lied to her in one or more ways. My feeling at the end of both books was ‘Well, now I’ve read them and have the authority to talk about my feelings about them as a reader.’

Tangent: I’m super pissed that while searching for books to add to the reading list, I found an article with the title “Native Authors Invade Sci-Fi: Indigenous Writers are Reshaping Speculative Fiction”  

( https://www.americanindianmagazine.org/story/native-authors-invade-scifi ) because the tacit implication is that we are Invaders into a place that we don’t have a right to, don’t belong in, and that our presence there is a game changer unwelcomed by many. The article is most about Roanhorse, who I don’t really wanna go into here but you can catch up at these links:

https://www.indianz.com/News/2020/06/24/the-elizabeth-warren-of-the-scifi-set-au.asp

https://americanindiansinchildrensliterature.blogspot.com/2018/08/concerns-about-roanhorses-trail-of.html

https://americanindiansinchildrensliterature.blogspot.com/2020/01/rebecca-roanhorses-race-to-sun-review.html

https://www.vulture.com/article/rebecca-roanhorse-black-sun-profile.html

/Tangent

It’s probably telling that the books I really enjoyed - The Marrow Thieves and Elatsoe, are both aimed at younger readers. Like, I enjoyed The Moon of Crusted Snow  and The Only Good Indians too, but in a wholly different way. They’re very up front about being horror stories, and though violence happens in them, violence isn’t described the same way it is in Trail of Lightning - the horror and tragedy, not the adrenaline pumping action, is front and center.   

So yeah, I’m taking recs on SF/F that’s written by NDN authors, not including any of the above because I’m already read them/they’re in my queue. Ideally looking for NDN authors from New England tribes - got my eye on Melissa Tantaquidgeon Zobel and plan on adding Oracles to my queue, but magical realism isn’t really what I’m looking for. 

I’m really tired of apocalypse novels and novels centering around murder and trechery.

[musaics]

Is it true Suigetsu is secretly a soft boy deep down?

idk if this is ic or ooc but you're getting an ooc answer- Sorry!!

The answer is idk man. There's too much unprocessed trauma and untreated bipolar I to really know. Headcanon on bipolar I diagnosis here). Suigetsu doesn't know who he is at his core and I don't either. But we both want to.

My brain to me: Bitch then write as him more so you can figure it out.

Anyway I'd love some road 2 recovery mental health related threads for him because I think he really needs it to manage his bipolar I if nothing else. But he super doesn't want to get any treatment. I think something A) major and B) during a depressive episode would have to happen to get him to want treatment. Because he's riding too high when he's manic to think he needs anything.

But yeah sorry of this was a memey shitpost question meant to be answered ic OTL

[maskedheroics]

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝟎𝟎𝟏 / 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄* / DO NOT COPY OR REBLOG

IN WHICH MARY MORSTAN IS EXACTLY WHOM SHE CLAIMED TO BE AND NOT AN ILL-THOUGHT TWIST FOR THE SAKE OF MAN PAIN

INCLUDES SPOILERS FOR SERIES 3 & 4

Mary Morstan was an orphan raised in the foster system until she was eighteen years old. She was born in Cardiff, but she was sent to homes all over the place for years on end, prompting a very unstable childhood. She had a few wild years during her teens and early twenties, partying and shirking responsibilities. She dated people who were bad for her; and hung out with friends who dragged her down. Mary felt hurt and disillusioned by the world around her, drowning out her feelings and unprocessed trauma from her youth of feeling unwanted and unloved.

Mary was working in a dead-end job in a shop to make ends meet, tired of coming into work after a screaming match with her boyfriend at the time over the same things over and over again. Mary was tired and on the verge of breaking point after all these years. She felt like she was seconds away from making a terrible mistake.

Rock bottom came the night of her twenty-third birthday, when she came home to find her partner cheating on her (again) — and trying to blame her and gaslight her (again) for it and finally snapped. Mary broke up with him, to his anger — and found herself walking out the door and wandering the streets of the city for hours in the rain. While she was wandering, she felt her chest aching and her mind reeling. She thought she was going crazy, thought maybe she was having a heart attack. Eventually feeling herself shut down and sit on the curb crying incoherently. The rest of the night was a blur, but when Mary regained consciousness she was in the hospital being told that someone had called them because they had been frightened about her condition — and she had suffered from an extreme anxiety attack and a bit of hypothermia from the storm.

Mary couldn’t go back to what she had been doing, she was scared and stressed and sad all the time. It was killing her. She wasn’t admitted, but she was referred to a therapist and given the card of a support worker. It was extremely hard, she had to change a lot of things in her life. Cut a lot of ties — but that was nothing compared to the difficulties she had confronting the things in her life that she had been actively avoiding for years.

By the time Mary was twenty six, Mary had started to find new support systems. She was working still, but she was also now starting school. Her motivation to become a nurse, inspired by her new best friend who felt she had a knack for it (and as she was also one, Mary trusted her when she said that). Things weren’t perfect, but they were better. She hadn’t dated in a while, not quite ready to go down that route just yet.

About four years later, however, that would change. Mary had begun a new job at a clinic in London where she met Doctor John Watson. The two had got on pretty quickly, but fear of risking her job gave her a bit of pause before pursing the growing dynamic between them. As she grew to know him, Mary learned more about John’s past. Sherlock, the war — and although she wasn’t about to claim their damages were on the same level; the fact that they were both patching themselves back together again gave them something to bond over.

Mary wanted to hate Sherlock when she first met him, appearing in the restaurant after letting him think he had been dead all this time — her first words to the man were her cursing him — but as the night progressed, and their party moved from place to place due to their fights; the woman couldn’t help but be charmed by him. He had an excitement to him, one that kind of reminded her of the rush her old life had held (without the heavy cost to her well-being). Even in his rage, she could see John come to life in a way he hadn’t in two years since she’d known him. It was hard not to be sucked in; however she knew what he had done was wrong and while she encouraged John to speak to him — she also knew where her loyalties lied.

Then John was kidnapped. After that, they were sucked in. Apart of Sherlock Holmes’ world and she loved it; but she quickly learned that their world came with great risks and outcomes. Mary and John faced it together, with their friends and although the world was unstable — she found that this time, it was a kind of instability that she could handle. Perhaps this time because she had those on her team now, helping each other. Balancing each other out. It was familiar, but better.

Mary and John married, and not long after gave birth to their daughter Rosamund Mary Watson; naming Mrs. Hudson, Molly Hooper and Sherlock Holmes the godparents. Although a baby made chasing criminals around town difficult, they managed to find balance between the two and make it work.

IMPORTANT INFORMATION

Mary is still shot in the aquarium, but she is shot trying to pull Sherlock to the ground. The shot is not fatal, and both survive the incident. Instead it hits her arm and while she has some recovery and her arm is never fully the same again afterwards, all survive the encounter.

Just in case it needed repeating, Mary is not an assassin in this verse. She has skill sets that come in handy, but she is relatively normal and adjusted otherwise.   

The default is because of the lack of assassin plot, there's no emotional affair plot either because there's no divide for it to sprout from.

For the Magnussen plot, there are more than enough characters in the episode and in the series itself to draw the gang in. Mary does know Janine and might tip Sherlock off at the wedding about her job (inadvertently planting the idea in his head), but she doesn't use that for her own gain.

I don't have a full canon for how The Lying Detective works, but I feel like even though she's fine --- Mary getting shot would likely still cause some tensions with their newborn child and make them reevaluate somethings. Which could lead to distance, and maybe a version of events where Sherlock is relapsing for real and Sherlock and John had to confront their demons and unresolved issues outside their relationship and within it. Which isn't to say they don't want to go on these adventures, or 'ruin' the fun --- but they have a small person to look after and getting shot at by choice is not a good way to do that and this dynamic is just going through a re-calibration period. I'll likely plot this with partners specifically to make it work for out threads, but this is my generic default.

Because of how fast paced and unexpected it is, Mary is with them when Eurus' drone attacks Baker Street and is with the three of them there. She also was apart of the trick played on Mycroft by Sherlock and John to push him to confess to Eurus' existence --- but she also voices during the scene that she thought the whole thing was a tad bit dramatic, but when are things ever not. "Also, the costume fit and it was a little funny."

[rexcaliburechoes]

I think, looking back on my archives, I know why I was so into Hetalia. Sorta. Buckle up kids, this is gonna be a long post of I guess why I am like this today? I’m sure there’s more to it than this (including unprocessed trauma [I guess????] from my mom/moving but I don’t care to unpack too much of that now) but I’m just focusing on my refusal to leave fandom I guess. Certain fandoms, in particular.

The way the Axis was portrayed in the anime, like close friends (sans ships), made me feel like I was a part of their friendship. The end of 7th grade was a tough time for me. I was moving out of state into another new district just as I was getting settled. I had some tentative friends that I shared emails with (woah, e-mails. What a wild concept), and my best friend (who’s still my best friend now, it’s just we never can visit because growing up is a pain in the ass, but that’s besides the point) just about an hour’s drive away and I could visit basically whenever I could.

But when I moved, I had literally, no one as a friend. I’d moved so much, I never could keep in contact with old friends. Sure, in Daisy Scouts (jesus. How old am I??) there as this song that went: “A circle is round,/it has no end./That's how long,/I will be your friend” but that really isn’t true, is it? Inevitably, you’re going to outgrow your friends. Especially if you move every year like I did. You never keep permanent friends.

So, my only real comfort were fantasy books, and stuffed animals. I’m never giving those up because they literally got me through the hardest times in my life. And when my mom forced me to give one away, I’m still heartbroken about it (I’m mostly okay now, but it was a threat that she would dump all of my stuff in the trash, and whaddya know, she did it and probably hurt me more than I care to process because I got really possessive and defensive about her going in my room at that time. But that’s another story for another time).

I did make friends, of course. When I moved away, yet again, for my freshman/sophomore year, I barely kept in contact with all but one of them (I had his e-mail, and a few others’, but they rarely replied. I only found out about them through him and got Discords and stuff when I moved back) since. And, what do you know, I moved on into the Creepypasta fandom.

And that fandom, with how they were written by fandom (CP Mansion, a weird family bond, etc) with reader-inserts into that family, it made me feel like I had friends. Permanent ones that would stay with me even through my 8937938475923749 moves.

And I guess, if you look through my phone, you’ll see these threads of these two fandoms in particular (along with Fire Emblem, which also helped me in 8th grade, and a few of those Pinterest-’edgy’-”I’m [br]OK[en]” sorts of things. I internalised those and I’m working on that since I can’t delete those of my phone yet, either) since those fandoms accepted me and never judged me.

I think that, in those two fandoms (and, of course, others. Everyone has their own ‘comfort fandom’, as it were), there’s stories like mine. Perhaps not the same, but similar. And I’m glad for it. I’m glad that there are people out there who feel the same way as me who grow and are shaped (hopefully positively) by fandom.

And that’s what I love about fandom. And me, I guess.

[gplewis]

thoughts on what my Notes are, Mad Men, creativity as football and artist as lonely quarterback:

vignettes of loneliness and terror are common in america the chief complaints are taxes public health racism Stoicism Marxism police men filling a hole with violence and power impatience rage at unprocessed childhood trauma bad conditioning lazy parenting unorthodox random poorly edited and informed - but kids' brains and parents' limited time television fixes put on a video open a can of whoop-ass in the bedroom mom and dad fight because employers can offer mental health but employees are addicted to goodness and performance, cannot manufacture in their cells relief—and my rich friends struggle to think well of themselves: they buy pillows and sheets to feel better, to make it feel like home—the lover missing; well, my sadness is my workday, my cadaver and my specialty life is med school for my grandfather lineage heritage this line is pulled by me and there are millions of online creators yanking threads from themselves pulling them into view - it's just talk, avoidance, distraction: and everyone wants theirs validated like the others who seem validated, a cabinet position—and i debunk violently any outcome that would save me: i remove it as the goal but what's a quarterback with no goalposts? wouldn't i love someone to move them back?