#{ mans feels guilty as hell }
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disney is a coward so I know they'll never do this, but given what we learned was SUPPOSE to happen between alex and stevie, I would still love a post-eloping for the reboot.
like just imagine alex and stevie as the Cool Gay Aunts(tm) for justin's kids (+ billie). they show up for the holidays and totally shower the kids with magical gifts, including a baby dragon for the boys (which does end up setting fire to their parents bed sheets). milo shows off a magic trick to his friends, using alex (since billie's not allowed to) sneakily casting spells from the bushes so the card really does dissapear from his hand, leaving his friends cheering (stevie smiling but refusing to admit to alex how cute is it). stevie has a motorcycle (which alex thinks is super hot but also refuses to admit) and while the kids aren't old enough for a ride, she does let them sit on it and rev the handles nice and loud while justin panics from the porch. they team up with all three kids to pull pranks on justin and even sometimes get giana in on a few harmless ones. maybe alex even uses her role on the tribunal to get stevie's records cleared, and they both start to advocate for a more fair way of distributing magic between families.
and billie could have an extra adult at her side! I know justin is suppose to fill the pseudo-dad role, but while billie spends her time with the russo's, also gets to spend her summers or whatever with her two cool wizard aunts. they encourage her to keep up with her studies but for the most part they just chill, letting billie indulge in a few sweets (knowing how health-conscious justin has forced his family to be) and sometimes in a pg-13 movie together. when she's there however, the house does turn into a prank war; guests are to be extremely careful when entering and encouraged to bring a separate pair of clothes.
I dunno it would just be super cool; alex and stevie reunited and I think the kids would love her too - plus watching their aunt who's always acted so aloof get all smiley and whatnot and I'm just imagining a scenario with alex and the kids like:
billie: why does stevie call you babygirl
alex: hey who wants to play the quiet game!!
#wizards of waverly place#wowp#wizards beyond waverly place#disney channel#I would LOVE a reappearance of stevie though just imagine it#even though billie has been training something happens where the council finally decides to strip her of her powers like alex warned about#alex and justin try going to talk to the council on billie's behalf but have to leave her behind#and when billie's all alone you suddenly see stevie slink from the shadows with a 'hey kid..'#billie is nervous at first but stevie says she actually wants to help her and that it's not fair what's happening to her#and says if billie comes with her then she can keep her powers and in a moment of worry billie makes the split decision to go with her#I dunno how alex finds out maybe roman sees it happen too late and says some girl took billie#'what girl??' 'I dunno! she was a wizard too - she kept her wand in her boot!'#and IMMEDIATELY alex knows what happened#alex eventually finds stevie and there's this VERY tense moment when they see each other#stevie still mad at alex for 'betraying' her (even if stevie was kinda right but nvm) and who's she's aligned with now#'you workin' for the man now russo? gone soft?' 'at least I'm not straight-up stealing kids'#alex still feeling a bit guilty about what she did to stevie but mad at her for taking billie#there's an almost fight (verbal or magical whichever) but in some outside chaos they loose billie#now they're forced to team up to find her#and although it's cold at first they both warm up again to each other having missed their friendship (even if it was short lived)#stevie quietly admiring how much further alex has gotten with magic and how she's excelled#and alex still having a soft heart for stevie wanting to help the wizards who got abandoned#anyway they find billie but the council is alerted to what happened and is now on their way to them to capture stevie#a cornered alex pleads with stevie saying she can persuade the council to let her go and while stevie's heart skips at that#she knows it's no use and uses her magic to create a pocket dimension to escape or something#but not before kissing alex on the corner of her lips and saying 'till next time russo - give that stuck-up council some hell for me'#freezing alex who's seconds from pulling her back and then disappears#billie enters and unfreezes alex and watches her face slowly turns crestfallen as she realizes#'do you think we'll ever see her again?' 'your guess is as good as mine kid..' '..do you want to?' '....lets head back home.'#WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE
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god its actually SO funny that solid snakes two boyfriends are 1. canonically a massive masochist and 2. a squirrelly little crybaby who pisses himself & is terrified of him at first. and no one in the fandom seems to think this has any bearing on what snake is into in the bedroom because snake is also a nice polite boy who knows how to mind his manners
#like to be clear. i do not agree. fandom reached this consensus without my input#theres a pattern here man.#think it probably says something about what hes into.#mgs#not ragging on otacon here its hot that hes like that and solid is right to be into jt#???? someone reblogging this to say 'oh yeah snake definitely bottoms' thats like. not the polar opposite of what i was saying but you+#definitely were not picking up what i was putting down#im saying he got off on the sadomasochism with fox and hal being pathetic is a turnon#he could bottom too who cares but hes absolutely domming and then feeling guilty as hell about it. due to his complexes
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I know how it sounds at first, but I really gotta feel bad for the boys that sacrificed edwin; I mean even the term “sacrificed edwin” paints them in a more sinister light than they really deserve– considering that wasn’t really, actually their intention.
they were bullies, they were homophobic (and/or were self loathing gay boys themselves taking it out on edwin, or were equally likely peer pressured into acting a certain way), they planned something stupid and mean to do to an innocent, anxious boy with the goal of scaring the shit out of him, all because he was effeminate and an easy target. but they didn’t know or expect any of the ritual stuff to be real. they were all laughing and joking during the ritual because it was just that to them– a joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.
teenagers can be mean and stupid and they usually regret it as adults and grow out of it / grow from it. they were stifled the chance to grow out of it, at least while alive. none of those boys deserved to be instakilled and sent to hell; they’re really not that much less deserving than edwin himself. they were all just kids, after all.
#random thought but. yeah……#I mean think about if crystal happened to be killed somehow pre-demonic intervention#she would’ve been deemed deserving of hell by the standards we’ve seen. no doubt about it. if the dragon guys were pulled to hell then yeah.#she would be as well. simply put- she was a bully#she was also a teenager. not a fully developed person. a very damaged and neglected teenager at that#it’s kinda like the criminal justice system right. it’s like. hey you really think sending them to be tormented is the most humane and#efficient way to heal these kids of what makes them act out and allow them to grow and improve?#Crystal’s such a good case to look at because she’s. well. to compare to The Good Place which you can probably already tell I’ve watched 800#times and adore with all my heart. she’s kinda the michael of the group#no one knows it at first but she’s actually kind of a terror to people most of the time. but she’s put in a situation where she#suddenly has a support system- people who care about her and want the best for her- she’s given a purpose and realizes how much better it is#to use her powers to help rather than hurt (well. sometimes helping can involve hurting but you get it)#and by the time she’s regained her memories and has a place in the agency it’s much easier to reflect on her life and be like huh!#this system kinda fucking sucks!#not that edwin wasn’t an example unto himself but he was a ‘clerical error’ not a ‘rightfully’ condemned person#with his situation someone could argue that the problem isn’t with the system being wack as a whole- it should just be maintained better so#these ‘errors’ don’t happen and all the good kids go to their afterlives and the Bad Evil Kids go to hell.#yes yes I know they’re not in hell forever (hopefully) but uhh Simon was still there for over a century and for fucking What?#gay self-loathing and catholic guilt? his intentions were clearly not Truly Evil and more than anything he seems to have been punished using#how much he hated himself for being gay and how guilty he felt for it all. like shit aren’t those feelings enough of a punishment? if he had#lived through that ritual and edwin hadn’t– do you think he would’ve been Okay? I think it would’ve crushed him. chronically#man. anyway#this was an especially long ramble huh#rambling#edwin#edwin payne#dead boy detectives
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doodles from last night
#my art#guilty gear#anji mito#robo ky#...venoms here but i dont feel like tagging him#08#09#'whys venom an old man fucker' somethings wrong with me#also i see the vision that theres no way in hell anji is as young as he looks
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Listen man, I vibe with everyone, canon and OCs. You show up at my doorstep I open the door. I rp with everyone equally.
#petals fall like rain / ooc#the only thing i have in my rules that some might take offense to#is that i dont typically like the whole long lost sibling cousin etc plot without talking first#and i think thats justified tbh like as. a canon i wanna hash stuff out like that prior#but like ive never turned away an oc#if anything I've been on the ghosting/receiving end of being ignored by ocs and fellow canons before#and i typically do not approach first bc of this#but like you will never see me not interact with any one who approaches me#I'm equal opportunity i just want interactions man#but you will also never see me beg for interaction i figure if people are interested they will come#and maybe this makes me look bad ig bc i dont pester oc writers i do follow#but like i also dont wanna bother anyone or be annoying#idk man i feel i guess guilty????#but like yes oc canon you are all equal come to me#hell i even love oc x canon ships like i am down to clown in any capacity#but its very rare for me to reach out first#plus most of the people i do write with are slow repliers or maybe ocs they dont use often or whatever#but like idk i feel really guilty rn but yes idk who you are or who or what you write#if you come i will write with you#thats the tldr here
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Is Aziraphale stupid? Yes. Is he also incredibly smart? Yes. Is he also heavily indoctrinated in heaven’s belief system? Yes. Like I understand why everyone’s mad at him, I really do. I also hurt about it. But like. Idk. Imagine being 6000 years into a way of life you were born into and told was the right way to live. Imagine slowly having the flaws in its veneer shown to you. Imagine having hope for the place that continually excluded you and made you feel little. Imagine wanting to change the fucked up system you were born into. Imagine being given the chance to make real change- someone at the top of the system seeing you, seeing the way you are, and saying that that system needed you and the changes you wanted to make. And yes, your friend, your… something, your everything, wants to run away with you, somewhere outside of the reach of the fucked up system, but you know, god, you know the system will keep hurting people. People like you. People like the person you care about. It will keep passing judgements on them long after you escape. Even if you did manage to escape, you would never escape the weight of those still trapped in the system, trapped in the hell you were trapped in. Could you live with that?
#yapping#good omens#if you’re a us citizen you may or may not relate#like do I want to get the hell out of dodge? yes#but also would I/will I feel immensely guilty about having the ability to leave when I could help? yes#idk man like.#i just keep seeing these absolutely unhinged posts about aziraphale#and I understand its fiction but have some compassion#this guy literally just wants to make the world a better place
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this is a bit personal but it's really fucking weird how I'm just recognizing these patterns with myself where I'll feel incredibly happy, excited, full of energy, only to crash just as quickly within a few HOURS in the SAME DAY and feel fucking god awful and the cycle repeats
"surely you're overthinking it-" I wish. But while contemplating how I ended things with a certain friend who's friendship I DID enjoy after my 18th birthday, I've been keeping tabs on my behavior and it's happened WAAAAY more often looking back on it, I just finally started looking at the signs
1) 18th birthday > excited as hell, ready to write > crashed and cussed out people that didn't deserve it, ended a friendship with violent confrontations
2) sometime in june, happy as hell, ready to start afresh > crashed and blocked another friend. didn't end violently as the last one but huh
3) august, happy to make a server and everything, make new friends etc etc >> fell apart, got consumed by jealousy
4) literally the first fucking week in September was ready to start anew >> had a fight with a friend, tried to commit suicide, failed, fell into a week of depression, also nearly ended my current friendship
And now, today, I was genuinely really happy to start writing again and planning for fics. And then an hour later I'm feeling the same fucking way and just so awful and tempting to pull the same shit (I won't I'm still clearheaded but holy fuck).
And mind you these are just the times I've noticed in 2024, and rethinking it holy SHIT how did my best friend of five years tolerate those moods.
What the fuck is wrong with me. I fucking hate this. I hate this stupid insecure ugly feeling inside me. Why can't I just be happy for once and keep that happiness?? This is so unfair.
#❀ ᭢᜴꤬archon's above#tw sui implied#tw sui ideation#fuck i hate this#i hate this sm#i just want to genuinely enjoy myself#and now i feel so guilty#i want to fix and mend all the shit i fucked up with others but obv I'm not that dumb all at once either#i hate this man#fucking fuck#i feel so lonely#which is DUMB#dumb as hell fuckkk
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Kon should have been flirting with every single member of the older generation of Titans, like he and Roy get along like a house on fire, Donna finds his antics endearing but won’t hesitate to toss him out a window, Garth avoids him like the plague bc Kon is extremely good at making him turn tomato red, and no one has any idea if he’s playing up his thing for Dick to annoy Tim or if he really has it that bad for him (it’s both)
#kon el#he tried his “moves on wally exactly once but he dramatically showed off his wedding band and that made him feel too guilty#bart thought it was hilarious#him and roy do fuck though when kon gets to be like 22#kon can never ever tell cissie bc it was one of the best nights of his life#like oh man it’s not a joke anymore#wip hell#*
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i've been real busy with work and today was Especially Busy i barely got to listen to the episode before an important work thing i had going on but i will say. the lovesongs are lovesonging in my head thats the only thing ive taken from this episode (<- delusional)
#dndads spoilers#dndads#kasey rambles#let me explain my delusions here in the tags#last episode we had sparrow and nicky at each others throats with sparrow even threatening to break his own non violence pact#this episode we have taylor and normal now locked up to fight each other#sparrow doesn't want anyone to die (and definitely not any of the teens! not just his own) and nicky definitely doesn't want to lose taylor#and this ep focused so hard on the nicky betrayal that i really do think it COULDVE affected the twins too if anthony weren't a coward#specifically sparrow. ESPECIALLY sparrow. you really think the LOVEWOLF was happy about using violence to scare a friend?#and sparrow's starting to break away from his same man twice deal with lark. there is NO WAY he doesn't feel guilty as hell#coupled with the teens being in a death match. i have been thinking about#about#about sparrow volunteering himself and nicky to fight in taylor and normal's stead#as a proxy for them. yknow#and nicky agrees because he doesn't want to risk taylor's life. and because he's angry at sparrow#but he doesn't realize sparrow's acting out of a sense of misplaced guilt. that he WANTS to die for his mistakes.#anyways. im soooo so normal
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me: yeah so we haven't had a meeting about it yet, but I asked my coworkers about past interns and why they left; chances are they won't hire me full time at my internship immediately. However, the chances of having it extended are pretty good, and I like what I'm doing, and they're going to be talking about budget in July. Sure my finances are a little tight but--
my sperm donor (only slightly exaggerated): look for a new job immediately and tell them if they won't hire you full time you're leaving. and no, I don't care if you don't find something in your industry and you have to settle for a job that will make you hate being alive even more than you already do. Also I'm going to ignore how long it took you to find this internship to begin with
me:
#dylawa rambles#dylawa rants#this man gives zero fucks about actually seeing me go into what I fucking trained to do he just wants me to make him money#i am literally sick to my stomach right now thinking about job hunting again#'i want to see you successful and happy' okay why are you still charging me rent then#why are you making job hunting even more of a traumatic experience than it already is#literally said to him 'I don't trust my chances of finding a new job within two months' and his response: 'oh well go work customer service#it took me MONTHS to find just this internship and it's a miracle it's paid at all#it's in a nice office with nice people and i have my own computer and they feed me almost daily!#i'll live another six months in this hellhole if it means I get a guaranteed post-internship job like this#is it the ideal job? absolutely the hell not#the commute sucks i don't have work from home so i can't get away with doing other shit on the side#i feel limited in what the role requires of me vs what I'd like to make#but good fuck it's better than food service or retail#but nooooo he needs me to be his little rent cash cow without him feeling guilty about it#very tempted to bail even if it means I start eating through my savings a little bit#I don't know if I can go through the daily interrogations of 'did you apply? why aren't you hearing back? it's your fault' again#i have somewhere to go but I'm trying to keep it very 'last resort' territory#A) it would make my current work commute twice as long#B) it would require completely burning bridges with my old man bc I'd have to move out in secret#not just because i don't want him to know where the people who are sheltering me live#but also because if he saw that place even if he was willingly letting me move out he'd say 'absolutely not'#because I don't trust him not to do something weird. not necessarily DANGEROUS but. weird.#I want to burn all bridges someday!#but even now that I own my car it's still not the safest course of action#I'm so sick of being stuck dawg!#dylawa vents
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every day i regret doing physics
#it's literally going to be my 7th subject theres no way in hell im counting it towards my leaving#literally dont understand half of it and not arsed to put the effort in to#but i literally feeling guilty handing up my disastrous fuckin exams to our teacher#he's such a sweet man and genuinely believes in me and im so fond of him. i just Hate his subject outside of the actual class#in class its So interesting and i'll engage as much as i can#but thats where it stops#im really not a science gay i guess#anyway exam tomorrow that i am literally going to do So horrible in because i sat down to studying and starting ranting instead
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it's good that i already don't like jim as a guardian so i am not affected by wheather jim being homophobic in the previews is accurate or out of context, i do worry for little li ming though 😭
"but vi he's tryin-" no i have ZERO empathy and understanding for any bad guardian/parent. i don't care if you have trauma, i don't care if you're poor, i don't care about how difficult your like is, i don't care how much you love the kid but struggle to show it.
if you have to take care of a kid, you do so with love and affection and care regardless or your circumstances, which jim is not the best at, which automatically makes me dislike him as a character, no greys, only black & white.
yes you make mistakes as a parent, but you can always make it up to them, and it costs literally nothing to be kind. stop projecting your problems on your children
#vi.txt#sometimes shows hit too close to home and it hurts sksksks#thank you p'aof for depicting how frustrating it is to live in households with overbearing caretakers#yes its very real yes i still hate it#i agree with every argument of jim trying his best given his life age circumstances but those aren't reasons to condone his behaviour#just because its understandable doesn't mean its okay#because all that does is set a very dangerous precedent#there are parents who have gone through hell and a lot worse and still end up being a hundred times better and kinder#jim as a gay man should be protective of li ming because of how cruel the world is#instead of showing that same cruelty in his face in the name protection#you know all these things sound good that jim's intensions are good even if the way he conveys them isn't#but how are we forgetting that there's the mental health of a very real child at stake here who is only going to see the actions#moments like these are the ones that break you destroy you#stop making excuses for bad parenting it only makes it worse for children in abusive households to not feel guilty
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On a scale from one to ten, how based of me is it that I took the GGST survey for the second time just to put a BlazBlue character that appeared in exactly one novel and then never again in one of my three "additional character I would like to see the most in the future" spots?
#ADD SEVEN TO THE GAME COWARDS#this is a maniac's wish and while i do laugh at myself for it i am also 100% serious about it. i'd love to see him in any game#or anything at all for that matter#i mean c'moooon we've done mages in fighting games already. you've put asuka in strive! what's a silly little witch man no one's ever heard#of?#just imagine... a witch guy with long flowy blonde hair and fluttery robes like asuka's who fights with water and ice magic and maybe a#sword also. now doesn't that just sound like a sight for sore eyes?#he could summon a WATER DRAGON as his cinematic super! can you fathom how cool that would look?!#if we're talking strictly in strive terms he'd probably play like a weird mix of zato asuka and ky#ky for the manner of sword usage (since we have sol nago baiken and JOHNNY as of recently)‚ zato for the feel of flowiness when it comes to#using his abilities (every move connects to the next‚ unlike with asuka who just keeps spawning geometrical bodies)#and asuka for resource management and overall aesthetic (though he could definitely be made so that you don't need an excel sheet to play#him properly arcsys please)#god i wish i had more time in my life I would absolutely learn how to mod guilty gear and mod him over asuka if i could#but if i strived to keep his original ''moveset'' (i say as if he's ever had one) blazblue would probably be the way to go since i've heard#from modders there that you could‚ hypothetically‚ mod an entire new character into the game (though it would obviously take a gargantuan#amount of work)#speaking of which‚ how in sam hell did they manage to mod sin into strive before he was even released???#logs
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When I go home after work and immediately do one chore I feel unstoppable. Yes I do lie in bed for hours after that one single task, but it's not the same. It's better.
#misc#the chore in question was doing a laundry machine#im always late on my laundry cause 80% of the time im too drained to do it the week#but little victory#i mean i will have to unload it later but let's not think about that ok#i have so many appointments lately that i have to honour#physio therapist vet etc.#so i don't really have time#and I'm tired as hell#but ironically i feel a bit better mentally#started to 'deep' clean my apartment#now it's gonna take about three years because i clean and order one thing every ten days#and it's a mess#but it's better than nothing#my therapist said to do it slowly so it's ok#also the purpose is to invite someone to come over one day#so it helps me to clean#i always feel so guilty about the cleaning... like i know i am a filth...#but then i listen to news about how the cleaning is done so much more by women in a relationship than men#and i think 'you know what I always feel like shit cause im a woman i wouldn't even care if i was a man'#but then I'm pissed to be like these men™#(you know the ones...)#so it makes me want to get my apartment in shape skkzkzzkzkzkz#only very very slowly
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What is it that makes period pain so debilitating. In terms of pain i would probably rate the pepper grinder falling from the top shelf right on my foot the same as the pain rn, but i only ever get knocked out from this particular pain
#fucking hell#i mean i get periods affect more than just my foot and i mean that did hurt so much i thought it was broken and like i was gonna throw up#first lol. but i could like still get back to work and do whatever? also the back pain i sometimes get is arguably just as strong#but I tend to just ignore it? this? this is always a question of 'man am i gonna make it the 1.5 meters from my bed#to the bathroom or would i pass out on my way there#also IT'S ALL CONSUMING#everything from the waist down is in pain#my feet! what's with that shit?! everytime!#(sorry i need to Scream into the void otherwise i Cry! also me making rant posts actually means it's not that bad rn#if it was super bad I wouldn't be able to do that lol)#anyway#it's almost 2:30 now#i took more pain killers like 45mins ago so i hope i can maybe get up in 15 minutes so i can get some groceries#and then actually do some work on my thesis#i feel so guilty lol. pretty sure my professor doesn't care but i did agree on sending it yesterday so it's a shitty thing to not even work#on it when I'm already past the deadline. it's not like I'm getting an unreasonable amount of special treatment already#ok I'll try to keep the whining to a minimum now
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i'm sorry i'm literally a chaser for catholic men i don't know what happened.
#spinch speaks!#daydreaming about innocently asking a catholic man to recite his prayers while i silently get off to it#poking and prodding and getting him to open up more about his relationship with his religion. getting all flustered when he brings up -#how he feels guilty sometimes for the things he thinks about#telling him there's nothing wrong with thinking about it. hell there's nothing wrong with doing it either. we can test it together if he wa#okay i'll stop im sorry
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