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baejax-the-great · 3 years ago

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Pillow Talk

Late night conversations between two friends who just happen to be sleeping together.

Shepard x Vakarian | M | Chapter 3 | AO3

4am is the best time to talk about Omega and Akuze.

“You don’t hate me for Omega?” she asked. Garrus felt his mouth go slack. The question was blunt and the answer was obvious—No—but he couldn’t seem to get his tongue to move. “I wondered at the time,” she continued, “But after you got out of the medbay you didn’t want to talk about it and I…”

“I don’t usually sleep with people I hate,” he said, but his tone didn’t have that easy timbre he’d been aiming for. He tried again. “Are you usually hated by the people whose lives you save at the eleventh hour?”

It didn’t work. Shepard’s gaze had cooled a little, but she was focused on him, specifically, not the planet’s-worth of people who were alive because of her actions.

“I was too damn late.”

Garrus swallowed.

That thought had crossed his mind here and there.

His first thought when he saw her through the scope across that bridge was that despite the odds, Garrus was about to survive. His second thought had been an aching disappointment.

Now he had to live with it. With all of it. Each wretched choice that had brought him to that sniper’s nest, alone, sleep-deprived, and ready for it to end.

No going out in a blaze of glory, taking as many mercs with him as possible. He wouldn’t be some Omega legend that united the gangs for one last showdown. And he wouldn’t be joining his friends on the other side. He led them to their deaths, then ducked out at the last moment to be rescued by someone more heroic than he could ever be.

But no, he didn’t hate Shepard for it. Poured all that anger into a bullet and aimed it at an old friend. Over and done with.

Or so he thought.

He spent two days by himself with a bottle of whisky after they picked up Tali. Shepard had once again showed up just in time to save only her target, the rest of the quarian scouts be damned, and everyone was acting like it was a success. Kal’Reegar made it out, too, in the end, but that wasn’t a sure thing with his fever spiking as their shuttle took them off planet. Garrus spent that shuttle ride lost in his own thoughts, obsessing over that stop they made to pick up resources so Shepard could upgrade her shotgun. Time would have saved more quarians than a more powerful weapon, but Shepard picked one over the other, and Tali’s squad was dead. Her choices affected life and death, even when they didn’t seem like they would. How much time had she wasted buying fish?

He was three quarters through the bottle when he admitted to himself that he didn’t really give a damn about some quarian scouting team, and it was his squad he was angry about. There was no doubt in his mind that Shepard had wasted time somehow on Omega—getting intel she didn’t need, buying mods or armor for an extra edge that was just superfluous on her. She’d picked up Mordin first, and Zaeed, and maybe if she’d focused on Garrus, it would have gone differently. Maybe some of them would have survived.

He could tell himself that to Shep, the math had been a plague taking out an entire ward against a single vigilante she didn’t know. That tactically, her actions made sense, and he couldn’t fault her as a soldier. Mordin was a higher value target. They couldn’t face the Collectors without him. Archangel was just some asshole with a gun.

But then maybe she should have gotten to Omega earlier, and she wouldn’t have had to employ ruthless calculus. He didn’t have all the details on what she’d been doing before then, but he knew her well enough to know there was probably some diversion that could have been ignored. Some fire that didn’t need her to be the one to put it out. The Alliance calling her and begging her help again, or a lost puppy somewhere. She’d said Cerberus woke her up early from her two-year-long nap—but it seemed to Garrus she could have gotten herself off that lab bench earlier and gotten her ass into gear before everything had fallen apart.

Hell, if he really wanted to get into it, she probably shouldn’t have gotten herself spaced in the first place. That would have saved everyone a whole lot of grief.

That had been one of the dumber and angrier thought spirals he’d ever had in his life, which was exactly why he had never expressed it to anyone. He sure as hell wasn’t going to tell her about it now. The embarrassment over the whole thing was enough to put it behind him.

Read the rest here | start from the beginning on AO3

#shakarian #nadia shepard #garrus vakarian #femshep #mass effect #my writing #mention of alcohol

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ginbiscuit · 3 years ago

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Mass Effect Info for my Overlord Harbinger

Things I like to read or see: lately I’ve been reading more m/m (or m/m/m) ships like m!Shep/James, m!Shep/James/Kaidan, Kaidan/James, m!Shep/Kaidan... you might see I have a preference. ;)

If someone would prefer to use my female in-game Shepard, who is called Robin, the pairing is and will always be f!Shep/Garrus*. This is her! <3 (FYI she’s dressed for a night out and this is her only dress. She prefers casual clothing.)

Shepard (all genders), BTW, is pretty much paragon, with slight renegade tendencies (more like throwing the rule book out the window to help people and to do good). Always colonist kid, biotic, sole survivor. No punching any reporters (talk about bad PR...). Shepard has some control issues, is a bit impatient (especially with herself/himself).

No matter the media format, I like it when people are being idiots, I like pining, hurt/comfort, and a little angst, but I need a happy end. I prefer its when characters are equal partners - I’m not refering to the fucked up rank-system in ME, but more an equal dynamic between them (e.g., Garrus is his own man, he’s capable and knowledgable, and doesn’t define his worth through Shepard). Light D/s is fine for any m/m(/m) ship, as long as James isn’t the dom in the relationship). I don’t like infidelity (if there’s mentions of someone outside the main characters being unfaithful, that’s fine).

I’m open to all rating - filthy is good, but not a requirement. ;)

If you need fic ideas: like a case fic, fighting against all odds, and fighting out of a kidnapping situation as much as I like a nice coffeeshop!AU. ;)

Need to know anything else? Feel free to shoot me an ask.

P.S.: Even though I call James “my idiot boy” I don’t think he’s stupid - he’s pretty smart (though he pretends not to be) or he wouldn’t have made it this far.

*I have been known to make exceptions for f!Shep/Zaeed, even though I don’t consider that Shepard “my” Shepard, but rather a AU version of her. ;) The rest about her character still applies.

#Holiday Harbinger #fest info #mass effect #about my Shepards #Commander Shepard #Kaidan Alenko #I love James Vega #robin shepard

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incorrectly-quoted-queers · 5 years ago

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Drunk Punch Love: Chapter 8

Pairing: FemShep and Garrus Vakarian (Shakarian)

Rating: PG-13 (with some tossed F-bombs)

Summary: Their awkward, badass journey through saving the galaxy and accidentally falling in love

The emptier the ship got, the more apparent it was that the ones left were avoiding her.

Chapter 8: Bloody Workout Gear

Quite a few of the crew-members from the Saren mission were taking shore leave on the Citadel, while the Normandy was hopping around the galaxy, taking people home. Tali had gone back to the Flotilla, despite Anya insisting that she'd buy a few junk ships and be her new flotilla if she wanted. And they were currently on their way to drop Wrex off on Tuchanka. He decided, after all their time together, that maybe he should head back and try to bring some order to his people. After all, there was a war coming and Krogan enjoyed a good war.

But it was a little awkward when Kaidan and Liara were still on board and she sometimes went days without seeing them. Liara spent most of her time in her science office, analyzing any Prothean artifacts they had and preparing for her next research position, which they were taking her to after Wrex was gone. And Kaidan was always spending his time with Chakwas, Joker, or working with newer recruits. Basically anything away from Shepard.

Even Garrus seemed to be avoiding her. He kept on saying he was busy with some calibrations, always under the Mako, or working on their guns. She thought they were finally good, actually more than good, after Ashley's funeral. But maybe they weren't.

Anya knew that Kaidan had a very good reason to avoid her; she broke his heart into too many pieces that night before Ilos, and she understood that. And she knew Liara was really overwhelmed by suddenly being the foremost researcher on everyone's new favorite ancient species. She at least apologized for continually ditching Shepard at every turn.

Garrus really was the confusing part; she had no clue what she did.

The only person left talking to her was Wrex. She'd have Joker, but Kaidan was holding her favorite pilot hostage as his own personal buddy, so that wasn't an option. It was kinda pathetic that the only person who would talk to her was about to abandon ship in a day or two.

At least the guy loved taking breaks to do some target practice.

"Your aim is shit today, Shepard."

Anya grumbled, took another shot at the target. This time, she hit a half-inch off. "It's not bad."

Wrex laughed at her, laying his own gun on his shoulder. He pointed a very accusatory finger at the target and said, "Yeah, sure. You and the turian can spend hours here waiting for someone to miss, but missing it every time today isn't that bad."

"Fuck off, old man."

Even though she put her pistol in the holster and tried to walk away, Wrex followed her. All the way upstairs to the kitchen, even. "So what's eating you?"

Anya didn't really want to hear it. "Absolutely nothing."

"You say that like a Varren gnawing off their own leg."

Turning around, Anya punched his chest plate. She was pretty over all his prying. The only good part of hanging out with him was their very short conversations. When did it suddenly need to get all serious? "What is it with you and comparing me to Varren?"

"I dunno, you're kinda like one. Vicious and badass, but kinda cute when domesticated."

"It sounds like you're calling me a dog." Shepard took her blueberry juice out of the fridge and poured herself a glass. It was hard not to notice how empty the mess was; empty enough that their voices kind of echoed.

Wrex sat down on a stool across from her. Mental note that if she wants to be bitter and alone, to remove all seating from the kitchen. "No clue what that is, but sure." He gave a pointed look between Anya and the fridge. She groaned, but maybe it would shut him up. She poured him a glass of some very dense Krogan beverage (non alcoholic) and slid it to him. Unfortunately for her, that didn't stop him from talking. "Hope you're not getting feeble on me. I'm expecting you to take care of the galaxy while I take care of Tuchanka."

"I wouldn't dare." When Wrex started drinking, Anya's prayers seemed to be answered. He was glugging down the- beverage? It smelled nice, but looked like sludge. She didn't really know what to make of it. The silent company was nice, reminded her she had friends but didn't remind her that she was off her game because of the other fickle crewmates.

Well, it was good until a certain pilot walked up. "Ooh blue juice? Pass me some of that."

Anya glared at him while she got out the juice, poured another glass, and then handed it to him. She hoped her annoyance seethed into the drink. "Joker, what the hell are you doing here?"

"We're stopped above Tuchanka. We got here early. No one tell you over comms?"

Looking between Wrex and herself, Anya shook her head. "Um, no. That's your job."

"Right... Well, I've taken to not broadcasting my location all over the ship. Sure, I may be at the pilot's seat 10/10 times, but a certain angsty biotic doesn't need to know that."

Shepard peered at Joker and crossed her arms. "Is that why you've been pinging everyone whenever you're in weird places around the ship?"

"Convinced Tali to give me a device that lets me say I'm anywhere without having to be there."

"C'mon, Kaidan can't be that bad."

"He's not, unless he's in a bug funk mood about a certain Commander rejecting him. Oh wait, he is." After frowning at her and rolling his eyes, Joker then turned to Wrex and said, "We told the drop ship that you'd be ready in thirty minutes."

The tall Krogan downed the rest of his drink. "Good thing I haven't packed yet." He waved at them before heading downstairs. Presumably, to do that packing thing. That left Joker, Anya, and the blueberry juice.

After a sip from his glass, Joker said, "So, haven't seen any cranky turians in your room lately."

Anya was about ready to throw her drink at him. Glass first, hopefully. "You shouldn't be seeing anyone in my room, because you shouldn't ever be there in the first place."

"A guy's gotta protect his bones, okay?"

"We're both nearly 30, Joker, maybe stop getting so drunk you need your old academy roomie to babysit you."

Joker took another sip, which seemed to be a sure sign of him saying something annoying. "So you are really bothered about not hanging out with Garrus lately."

"I'm going to break your dick, I swear."

"At least aim for a more impressive threat, Shep. Because that's not a hard thing for anyone to do."

Grumbling, Anya didn't want to dance around whatever stupid point he was trying to make. "Okay, fine. What do you want to say about it?"

"You two just seemed cozy, hanging out on that couch."

"We have a weekly movie night, this isn't exactly wild news."

"I know. Even more suspicious."

Anya was pretty over it. Joker was having too much fun dancing around what he really wanted to say, and she'd rather he just spit it the fuck out. Especially since she knew he was enough of a Kaidan beacon to need anti-lieutenant protocols. She didn't really want to have to deal with that right now, either. "Get to the fucking point, Jeff."

"All I'm saying is that you don't get very cozy with people. Exhibit A is literally stalking me around this ship out of heartbreak. I just want to get a feel on what's happening here. Mama bear would be interested if you're getting close to someone. She was pretty pissed you didn't tell her about Rike back in the day."

"One, why are you discussing my sex life with my mother? And two, there's nothing for her or you to be pissed or prying about. So shove off it."

"You say that, but I have eyes."

"Not for long if you keep this up."

"Fine, fine. I'm just saying, why aren't you talking to him?"

"I-" Before she could say anything, Wrex came upstairs, dragging Vakarian in tow. Garrus looked a little shell-shocked and Anya couldn't help but stare. Wrex didn't even let the poor guy wipe the oil grease off his face.

Then very loudly, Wrex announced, "Now, you two are gonna escort me down to Tuchanka."

While she and Garrus were just swallowing down the awkwardness between them, Wrex was shouldering his pack. Joker said, "I wish I could pack that fast. Damn."

Leaving her blueberry juice, Anya tried to get a handle on the very quickly changing situation. "I'll just go grab my armor-"

"No need, I just wanna show off that the so called "savior of the Citadel" has my back. Good way to start showing dominance and fixing shit up, right?"

Anya didn't even know how to argue. "I guess, sure. The workout gear will do."

He threw an arm around her and Garrus and then dragged them to the stairs. "Time to show my planet I'm back."

They followed him to the docking port in relative silence. Their next few minutes were spent entering a drop ship and watching the burning planet all the way to the surface. No one spoke. Wrex had this purposeful energy to him, and she didn't know what to say out loud that they hadn't already said the past few days.

But Garrus, across from her? He seemed like he was itching with something. He kept on fidgeting with his armor and checking the clips on his sniper rifle. Even that night she was a drunken idiot, he could look at her the next day. Albeit after a lot of awkward talking, but now he seemed a world away. What made it worse was that she had no clue how to reach him.

When they landed, Wrex was happy to walk out into the Krogan hub, with the blistering sun hitting his face. but when he exited into the harsh brightness, Anya suck it up and opted for the least tactful approach. She grabbed Garrus' arm. "I don't know what I did, but whatever it was, I'm sorry."

"Shepard, I-"

His answer was interrupted by Wrex calling them over to a group of nearby Krogan. The entire ship port experience was Wrex just dragging her around, telling slightly exaggerated stories of how badass he was to prove a point. She understood that for a merc coming home, this was the equivalent of networking. But with the turian on his other side, she couldn't help but feel like she had some things to say that were getting overrun by Wrex's posturing.

That is, until she felt a bullet whiz past her ear. She turned her head around and saw a trio of Krogan running their way. With a quick order to take cover barked at her companions, Anya dove behind cover as quickly as she could. From the looks of their armor, they didn't seem to have any merc gang affiliations, so her only source of information was the krogan in cover next to her. "What the hell, Wrex?! You told me not to wear armor!"

He shrugged. "I figured someone might come after me. Chances were low, but it definitely proves a bigger point if we kick their ass in no armor."

"You're not wrong, but I hate you for it. You owe me new workout gear if this gets bloody."

"I can do that."

Lucky for her, Wrex brought along the two best shots on the team. And even better, the krogan attacking were mostly relying on shotguns. They just had to shoot 'em out before they got too close. She just had to hope their durability wasn't great.

Just as they downed the lead krogan, she noticed a shimmer on the other side of Garrus. Any infiltrator knew what that meant. "Vakarian! Tactical cloak to your left." Garrus reacted accordingly and they shot the stealthy one down, but it made her a little more wary of what they were up against. Looking towards her krogan friend, she yelled, "Shit, Wrex, they must really want you dead."

"Great, huh?"

"Not the word I'd use for it."

Anya was about to peek out from cover and take some shots at the final krogan, but Garrus beat her to the punch. "Shepard, look out!" He was rolling from his cover to hers and dragged her to where Wrex was hiding.

And right after they got behind the metal crates, the final krogan barrelled through the box she'd been hiding behind. Her eyes met Garrus' and she said, "Thanks." The second she spoke, though, he released her waist like it was a ticking grenade and instead stood up, shot the krogan in the eye, and he dropped dead.

Wrex stood up and smirked. "That's the best welcome home present I've ever gotten."

"Bud, we're gotta have a conversation about what you find endearing." Taking a deep breath, Anya glanced down at her shirt and noticed there was a few drops of blood on her. They seemed to be coming from a forehead scrape from when Garrus dragged her away from the danger box. "Shit. And you definitely owe me new clothes."

"Technically Garrus did that."

"Yeah, but you're the one who made me come without my gear."

"Fine, I'll send the credits. But it was worth it."

When her omni-tool pinged with the money, she let out a sigh. It also emptied out any annoyance for putting her life in danger, since everyone always did that to her all the time. Including herself. "Tell us if you got too many assassins to handle."

"I think I'll be set after that display of quads." Then, Wrex turned to her and Garrus and pulled them into a hug. "Until next time." And when he stepped back, he gave Anya a wink. "Vakarian. Shepard."

She rolled her eyes, but played along. "Wrex."

And then he picked up his bag and walked off.

Anya should definitely be less surprised that they just had the most krogan goodbye in existence. But for now, she'd settle for getting off the damn planet. She just jogged her ass back to the drop ship. While Shepard wasn't one for running away, she also wasn't about to encourage any other krogan to try to fight her, not like this. If she was lucky she could rub out the blood and have two pairs of good workout gear.

Garrus followed behind silently and, in a few short minutes, they were closed up in the drop ship, her wound was bandaged, and they were heading back to the Normandy.

But that was when the real battle started. Anya hated to admit it, but Joker was right. She couldn't stand not talking to Garrus, and it had to stop. "Garrus..."

"Shepard, I'm leaving."

The words hung between them like a dead man. Her fingers felt numb. After too long of him not looking at her, Anya asked, "What?"

"When we talked, I figured out I wanted to do more for the galaxy. Like you do. And the next day, I got an offer to join the Spectres training program. I said yes."

Everything felt so dry and cold, the air, her skin, the energy between them. Anya didn't really know how to process it. But she did know what she should say, what was honest and true. "You'd make a great Spectre, Garrus." Then, she tried to add it all together, and still ended up lost and confused. "But then why were you avoiding me?"

"Because I didn't know how to tell you I was leaving. Or maybe I just didn't want to tell you." Garrus sighed and sat down next to her. "I know this is what I want, but that doesn't mean I want to leave you. I didn't want you to feel like that's why I did it."

"Of course not. I get it." There were a lot of feelings running around her head, but in all honesty? Few of them had anything to do with him. She was proud of him and admired him. He wanted to be a hero. How could she blame any of her fantastic team for wanting to make a difference, even if it meant leaving her?

The only real things making her pause were her own, irrelevant feelings of attachment to him. And they were her problem, not his. So, like a good friend, Anya shut up the feelings and added, "When do you leave?"

"Two weeks. We'll drop off Liara, check out Alchera for the Council, and then when we stop back to the Citadel to report, I stay."

Anya crossed her arms and gave him the most deadpan, serious look she could. "Well, we got a lot of movies to watch before that, then."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You ever heard of James Bond?"

///

The thought of Garrus leaving literally cracks my heart so that’s fun.

I’m sick an burning my tongue with warm beverages like a proper knob, but posting this stuff and being my weird creative self with you folks help make it better <3

The true behind the screens drama is that I’m sick ALL THE TIME so sorry if that’s the narrative 50% of the time.

Anyway, thanks so much for reading, and double thanks to my lovely patrons:

Danyell Jones

Amy Connolly

If you'd like to support my writing and creations, please go check out my bio for more info :) (hint, I’m trying to buy a desktop to share more of my goon, fandom trash behavior with everyone. Any support is appreciated!)

#Shakarian #Drunk Punch love #femshep x garrus #Garrus Vakarian #Anya Shepard #Mass Effect fanfiction #bioware romances #Mass Effect #Wrex #Liara

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atomic-tourist-fanfic · 6 years ago

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This Thing That Breaks My Heart

Fandom: Mass Effect Trilogy Rating: Gen Pairing: FemShepard/Garrus Vakarian Characters: FemShepard, Garrus Vakarian Content Notes: none Word Count: 1,127

Author’s note: I wrote a short Mass Effect 2 fic, set right after Shep’s botched reunion with Kaidan on Horizon. Garrus comforts her, but as a friend. No alien sexytimes in this fic (sorry!).

After what a lifetime on Alliance frigates, the distance between her bed and the door felt as vast as the grain fields from Eliza’s childhood. If only it felt as welcoming. The amenities -- bordering on decadent in Eliza’s opinion -- provided by Cerberus didn’t mask the biting chill of ship metal under her bare feet as she forced herself out of bed. The door chime was persistent, disturbing her already restless sleep; she hoped that for their own sake, whoever was on the other side had a damn good reason for this late night personal visit.

The lighting system anticipated her, brightening just enough to clear a path to the door. She remembered almost too late that she was wearing only Alliance issued underwear and threw on a robe, not bothering to close it.

When the door slid open, Eliza felt her irritation dissipate at seeing who was there. Garrus leaned against the bulkhead, a bottle of turian wine in one hand and concern in those black as night eyes.

His mandibles fluttered in what she had learned to recognize as a worried frown.

“I finished my calibrations and thought I’d see how you were holding up,” he said, pointedly not looking at her. Eliza noted how he relaxed when she tied her robe closed.

“How I’m holding up?” she asked as she gestured for him to following her into the sitting area.

“Yes...well...your reunion with Alenko didn’t go as I imagine you had hoped it would. I thought you might need a friend.”

Eliza flopped down on the couch and sighed. “You’re the only person on this goddamn ship who can get away with waking me up in the middle of sleep cycle to discuss my personal life.”

Garrus sat next to her, close enough that she could feel the warmth radiating off his body but not so close that they touched. “I know,” he said, “that’s why I’m here.”

Eliza smiled through her sadness. Two years apart had done little to diminish the rhythm of her friendship with Garrus. She marveled at how easily they had fallen back in step with each other not only in the field but in their downtime as well. She would have stewed in her cabin, never reaching out to anyone. So Garrus had reached out first, because he knew that asking for help was something she just couldn’t do.

He poured them each a glass of wine while she worked up the courage to talk.

“I can’t blame Kaidan,” she said, “I mean from his point of view I’m dead for two years, then I show up in Cerberus gear? Of course he was upset. I would’ve been upset too if I was in his place.”

Garrus answered with a skeptical rumble, his mandibles flicking with contained irritation. “May I offer a counterpoint?” he asked as he handed her a glass.

“I’d be worried if you didn’t,” Eliza said.

“Yes, well, you know me,” Garrus stammered, clearing his throat. “Alenko could have been kinder to you. More sympathetic to your situation. He should trust that you wouldn’t work with Cerberus unless there was a damn good reason.”

Eliza looked down at her wine glass to hide the expression on her face. Garrus’ unwavering loyalty tugged at her already frayed resolve. When she finally spoke again, she fumbled her words. “Kaidan’s always been the emotional one in our...whatever it is...was. Goddammit. We never had time for a relationship and if I’m being honest, sometimes I felt like he didn’t really see me.”

Garrus curled his talons and lightly rubbed her arm with his knuckles, making her feel grounded and safe. “Now that I can understand somewhat,” he said, his voice low and gentle, “Commander Shepard, hero of the Skyllian Blitz, savior of the Citadel, is a formidable and captivating person. I’m embarrassed to remember how hard I tried to impress you in those early days. Maybe not for the same reasons Alenko did...” -- Garrus closed his eyes for a beat then looked back up at her -- “what I’m trying to say is I’m very glad to know the real you and call you a friend. If Alenko couldn’t see past all the medals to know this side of you then maybe you’re better off without him.”

Eliza looked up at Garrus with a wry smile. “Hey, giving out advice is my job in this friendship.”

Garrus leveled a serious gaze at her. “No jokes, Shepard.”

“Ok, you’re right,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Don’t get all cocky about it.”

“ I can’t make any promises.”

That got a genuine laugh out of her. She didn’t know if she would ever be able to explain to Garrus how he anchored her; that even though she felt brittle, it was easier to carry that feeling when he was right there beside her, being honest and making her laugh.

“I loved Kaidan,” she said after a long silence and several sips of wine. “And seeing him again, for a second I thought maybe things could go back to normal, maybe we could actually have something real now that military regs aren’t in the way. I don’t know why I let myself hope. It’s just that for me no time has passed; I forget it’s been two years for everyone else. And I know you’re right, Garrus. Kaidan and I never really knew each other. He wasn’t my first battlefield romance. I really should know better by now.”

Garrus made that skeptical rumble again, deep in his chest. “Beating yourself up isn’t going to help, and if we’re being honest, you could do a lot worse than Alenko.”

Eliza chortled. “This is true. How the hell is a turian vigilante the most stable person in my life right now?”

“A sad commentary on the state of the galaxy, if I ever heard one,” Garrus deadpanned, making her laugh again.

“You know, Garrus, when I saw it was you there on Omega it was the first time since waking up in that Cerberus lab that I actually felt like myself.” She thought back to the way he had handed her a rifle, no questions asked, how they stood shoulder-to-shoulder as they defended their position. It had made her feel normal, like maybe she could get through this mess.

“Just like old times,” Garrus said and his expression told her he was thinking the same thing.

Eliza couldn’t say what made her do it, but she scooted closer to Garrus until she was tucked against his side, resting her head on his shoulder.

He stiffened for a brief moment in surprise, then relaxed into the physical contact, gently wrapping his arms around her.

For the first time since waking up, Eliza Shepard felt safe.

#fan fic #garrus vakarian #femshep #shakarian

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crassussativum · 5 years ago

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Mass Effect Asks Masterlist- Mav

(Originally posted by thenerdcommander, credit where credit is due.)

1. What would their recruitment mission look like? ((Mav’s got a mind for tactical skirmishes and fighting with the reapers and subsequent indoctrinated has been an exercise in gorilla warfare. He’s made his way to Palaven and Menae to be of what help he can. Maybe he even already works directly with Garrus there. When Shepard arrives there and after they find the Primarch, he tags along.))

2. Would they be a romance option? If so, who would the option be available to and what would their romance look like? Would there be any special scenes? ((Mav is an equal opportunist in the art of romance. Male or female Shepard, it doesn’t matter. He flirts a little, teases some. Then straight out says he’s been serious the whole time and why not, right? Special scene would probably involve him talking Shepard on a date. Like dinner and dancing date.))

3. If there is one, what would their sex scene look like? How would the scene change if Shepard or Ryder turned the sex down? ((Mav surprises Shepard in their cabin. He’s probably not wearing all that much, y’know. If Shepard’s into it, cool, if not, he puts his clothes back on and hey no big deal, you down for a drink, Shep?))

4. If left unromanced, do they hook up with another character? If so, who is it? Is it a canon character or another OC? ((More than likely and probably another OC though I couldn’t rightfully say who.))

5. Would they be available as a fling option? What would that scene look like? ((Also probably and idk, something sexy.))

6. Is there any way Shepard or Ryder could get them to turn on them or betray them? How? Is there any way to get them to back down once the betrayal is triggered? ((The only way that I could think of would be if Shepard were to ask/order Mav to do something he considers evil. Such as unnecessary loss of innocent life, civilians in the cross fire. Shepard wouldn’t do that. BUT if Shep did, there’d be no talking Mav down after.))

7. What would their loyalty mission look like? ((It would break your fucking heart. During the Reaper War, Mav gets word from Carthaan, his homeworld. His family needs him. Shepard, of course, goes with to help. When they arrive on Carthaan, there is nothing but ruin, they’re too late to do anything. The crux of the loyalty mission lies in one action: Shepard can escort Mav to his family home to see for himself that there’s nothing left which will resort in his loyalty. Or Shepard tells him there’s no point, lack of survivors is obvious, at which point Mav goes off on his own and doesn’t return.))

8. Is there any way to lose their loyalty after it’s earned? How? ((Mav’s a little sensitive when it comes to familial bonds. He’d want Shepard to extend anyone the same courtesy that he got with his loyalty mission. He gets the need for closure, he’d want the rest of the crew taken care of.))

9. What would their relationship with Renegade Shepard look like? Paragon Shepard? If they’re from Andromeda, what’s their relationship with Ryder (pick any two alignments)? ((Mav’s easy going. He understands grey areas. Sometimes you’ve gotta do things the wrong way to make sure the right thing happens. Him and a Renegade Shepard would get on like a house fire. But at the same time, he knows when not to cross a line. Better things would happen with a Paragon Shepard.))

10. What phrase(s) would they shout during combat? ((Mav’s...er, a well educated man in profanity. Let’s leave it at that.))

11. Any squadmates they don’t particularly get along with? ((Um... I’m gonna say probably James. At least not at first, but eventually they get on fine.))

12. Are there any instances where rivalries between them and another squadmate could potentially jeopardize their loyalty or views of Shepard or Ryder? (Nah,)

13. Which squadmates are they likely to make friends with? ((Damn near everyone. He’s easy going, like I said, he makes friends pretty easily.))

14. In which game would they be introduced to the franchise? ME1? ME2? ME3? Andromeda? ((I think he’s always been kinda in the background, but ME3)

15. Would they make multiple appearances throughout the games or are they limited to one installment? If they reappear, do they remain as a squadmate or do they become an NPC? (Squadmate in ME3, kicking around elsewhere.))

16. Which skills are available to them? If they’re from the OT, pick four active powers and one unique passive class power (ex: Turian Agent, Asari Commando, Turian Smuggler, etc). If they’re from Andromeda, pick three active powers and two passive (one of which should be a unique class power). ((Mav’s my Infiltrator! He’s got a Tactical Cloak, some Disruptor Amo, Incinerate on standby, and sticky grenades for kicks!))

17. Write a quick exchange of banter between them and one other squadmate of your choice. (( I can’t think of actual words bc I suck at banter, but I can totally see Mav teasing James about his fighting style on the mats. And that tiny turians are fast turians and he fucking told James he’d floor him in no time.))

18. What weapons would they use? Pick 1 minimum, maximum of 2 firearms, 1 melee weapon, and/or 1 special or unique weapon. ((M-6 Carnifex, M-27 Scimitar- for his oh shit weapon- a knife he carries in his sleeve for close combat, and when shit hits the fan... He’s got a Cobra Missile Launcher))

19. Name one thing that players would remember them most by (ex: Garrus’ calibrations, “Lola”, Mordin’s singing, etc). ((The way he looks and sounds. Mav’s a small turian, standing at only 5′7��, his eyes are bright orange and so are his markings. And he’s got a good ol’ boy southern accent.))

20. If they’re from the OT, what ways could they be killed on Virmire, during the Suicide Mission, or the events of ME3 (pick one)? If they’re from Andromeda, are there any ways they could die? If so, how and how could Ryder prevent it if prevention is possible at all? ((Well, if Shepard doesn’t escort him in his loyalty mission, he presumably dies on Carthaan searching for his family.))

21. Can they be Indoctrinated or Exalted? If so, what would they be like? What options would Shepard or Ryder have to handle the situation? Would there have been options to prevent it? ((No.))

22. How would they react to other squadmates, Shepard, or Ryder being Indoctrinated or Exalted? ((....He’d put them out of their misery.))

23. When on the Tempest or Normandy, where do they like to stay? Do they roam around? What about on the Citadel or Nexus? (Mav, a Blackwatch assassin by trade, would chill with Thane. To share notes, let’s say, or to talk philosophy. On the Citadel, there’s a few places he might hang at, a bar, the embassies, shops. He’d wander., ME3, he’d be at the docks.)

24. Do they have an opinion on the way Shepard drives the Mako? Or how Ryder drives the Nomad? ((Nah, it’s not like Mav drives any better.)

25. Are they vocal about their opinions of the Council or Nexus Leadership? If so, what is their opinion? Do they make a passing comment to another squadmate or do they say it to Shepard or Ryder directly? ((He’s not, not really. He might say something nasty if he gets frustrated with the run around of the whole thing, but that’s it.))

26. What decisions could Shepard or Ryder make that they greatly disapprove of? ((Ok so....Siding with the geth. Sentient AI is a dangerous thing and will always be a dangerous thing and aren’t the Reapers literally proving that right now?))

27. What decisions could Shepard or Ryder make that they greatly approve of? ((Shepard doing everything they can to undue/fix what was done with the Genephage.))

28. Would they have any special scenes or dialogue in the Citadel DLC or for Movie Night? (Nah, he’s busy trying to drink Wrex and Grunt under the table. Mav loves his Horosk and that’s not too different from Ryncol))

29. Would they have any special scenes or dialogue in the final battle against the Reapers or the Archon? ((Just a moment to thank Shepard for doing all they could, a little pep-talk, a little let’s go fuck their shit up.))

30. How would they react to meeting Shepard’s clone? Or Ryder’s twin? ((Mav would find the whole thing funny as fuck. He’s pretty sure he’s seen this B movie.))

#ooc #Mav #mass effect asks #masterlist #just for fun #long post

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brandyxlynn91 · 5 years ago

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Galaxies Together: Jane's POV pt. 9

Jane slowly opened her eyes and started groaning. She could feel Carnifex licking her and reached over to pet him. Her head felt like someone was hitting it with a rock. She rolled over to see the empty brandy bottle on her nightstand.

“That’s right.” She muttered, remembering vaguely drinking the night before. She realized she was covered up in her blanket and realized Garrus must’ve done that before leaving. He’s so thoughtful, she thought to herself. She reminded herself that she should thank him as soon as she got rid of the pounding in her head and then there was a knock at the door.

“Ugh. Come in.” She groaned.

“Hey, Shep. Want some breakfast before we meet the council?” Kaidan said, peeking through the door. “Wow, you look-" He widened his eyes as he spoke.

“Like the walking dead? Cause that’s how I feel. And do you need to talk so loud?” Jane groaned as she sat up holding her hand to her temple.

“Sorry.” Kaidan quieted his voice a little. “So breakfast? It may help.”

“I doubt it but coffee sounds good. Come on, Carn.” She said as she got out of bed and followed Kaidan out of her room. They ran into Tali on their way to the mess hall.

“Hey Shepard!” Tali greeted her enthusiastically. “Thank you again for that geth data!”

“Urgh. No problem, but could you maybe not talk so loud?” Jane told her.

“She’s kind of hungover.” Kaidan told Tali. “Wanna join us for breakfast?”

“Sure!” She exclaimed then heard Jane groan and lowered her voice. “Sorry.”

“Could you guys maybe not walk so loud? Or talk. Or breathe. Why must you do everything so loud?” Jane groaned at them as they headed for the mess hall.

Once they got to the mess hall and sat down. Kaidan handed Jane a plate of eggs and toast and a mug of coffee. She pushed the food away and drank the coffee. She could hear him and Tali talking but ignored what they were saying and just put her head on the table. She heard Garrus and Wrex come in but her head was pounding too loud for her to even attempt to greet them. She then groaned and complained about having to meet with the council. Kaidan asked her how much she drank the night before but she couldn’t remember so she asked Garrus. He told them that she drank her whole bottle of brandy then tried drinking his turian whiskey. She threw her head back on the table. Shit, no wonder I feel like death she thought. She asked if she could just tell the council to fuck off since they didn’t believe her anyways. She really didn’t want to deal with them telling her she’s crazy again on top of what happened on Virmire. Just then they heard Joker on the comm saying they’d arrive at the citadel within 20 minutes. Kaidan handed her a capsule and said the doctor gave it to him to give her for her hangover. She angrily snapped at him for not giving it to her sooner and he told her she told him to stop talking, walking and even breathing. She quietly chased the capsule down with the remainder of her coffee, vaguely remembering telling him those things. Tali grabbed her arm and told her to come with her to get dressed. She followed along griping about the council being stupid and saying the turian hated her which Garrus yelled that he just hates all humans. She called back that he wasn’t helping and he still owed her a drink.

“So you and Kaidan, huh?” Tali spoke up while sitting on Jane’s bed as she got changed.

“Yeah.. I mean, I guess so.” Jane replied, pulling her shirt over her head.

“You guess? Is there someone else?” She asked, sounding intrigued.

“Well, no. I don’t know. I don’t think he’s interested in being with, well, a human.” Jane told her, pulling up her pants.

“Keelah se’lai! Are you interested in a non human, Shepard?”

“Well, I think so. Maybe. But like I said he probably wouldn’t be interested in me.”

“Wait. Not human? He?” Tali sounded like she was in deep thought, then squealed. “You like Garrus?!”

“Um, what?!” Jane looked at her wide eyed.

“Well, it’s a he and non human. He’d have to be someone you spent time with lately and that leaves only Wrex or Garrus on this ship. Unless it’s not Wrex, is it?”

“No! He feels more like a big brother!” Jane blurted out, then put her hands over her mouth.

“So it is Garrus! I knew it.” Tali giggled.

“Shh. Don’t tell the whole ship!” Jane told her, embarrassingly, then sat on the bed. “I don’t know what to do. I like them both.” Carnifex jumped up and laid down on her lap.

“Well, it’s obvious Kaidan likes you. Have you talked to Garrus about it?” She asked Jane.

“Well, it took me awhile to realize I like him and when I thought about telling him, he told me he’s going back to C-sec after we deal with Saren. He seems determined to help people now and I think it’ll be good for him.” She explained while petting Carnifex.

“He does seem a little less shoot first, ask questions later now than he did when he first came on board.” Tali replied. “You’ve helped so many of us. So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.” Jane replied. “First things first, I need to stop Saren. Then I can focus on-" She was cut off mid-sentence by Joker announcing they were at the citadel.

“Here we go.” Jane sighed and thanked Tali for the talk. She decided to grab Garrus and Kaidan to go meet the council with her.

They arrived in the council chambers shortly afterwards and Jane greeted them formally.

“We have called all available fleets to guard the citadel.” The salarian councilor told them.

“But Saren's on his way to Ilos.” Jane told them. “We need to go after him before he gets to the conduit!”

“We cannot risk war with the Terminus System just on your word that these so called reapers are working with Saren.” The asari councilor stated to them.

“Then let me go! I can be discreet.” Jane pleaded.

“Just like you were when you blew up a facility on Virmire?” The turian councilor interjected. “It’s obvious Saren is making up these reapers to confuse us and make us vulnerable to an attack.”

“But I spoke with one of them! I’m not making this up!” Jane spoke with anger.

“We’re not saying you are but this could be more mind control.” The asari spoke up.

“I’ll give the council any support you need and I’m grounding the Normandy.” Udina spoke up.

“You traitorous bastard! You’ll do anything to get on the council!” Jane yelled, lunging toward him but Garrus held her back.

“That's enough!” The turian raised his voice. “The decision has been made and this meeting is adjourned. We thank you, Udina” Then they all walked out, leaving only Jane, Garrus, and Kaidan standing there.

Once back on the Normandy, Jane found herself staring at Ashley’s locker. It was her first time looking at it since before Virmire. She thought about the council and getting grounded, then she punched the locker, put her back to it then slowly slid down until she found herself sitting with her back to it. Just then Kaidan walked in.

“Is this what she died for?” Jane looked up. “So the council could call us liars and let Saren and the reapers win?”

“She died a soldier. A damn good one. She knew what she was doing, Shep.” He replied.

“And I failed her.” She replied bleakly, putting her head in her lap. Just then she felt Kaidan grab her hand and pull her up. Then he gently pushed her up against the locker.

“Kaidan?” She looked up at his face.

“You haven’t failed anyone. You’ll find a way to stop them. You’re the best damn commander I’ve ever served under.” It seemed like he was about to kiss her when Joker interrupted on the comm.

“Commander, Captain Anderson wants to meet with you. He said he’d be at Flux.”

“Of course he does.” Jane sighed while rubbing the back of her neck. “Well, let’s go!” She said as she dashed out of the locker room. She saw Garrus on her way out and asked if he was coming and he replied with saying he was right behind her.

#mass effect #shakarian #jane shepard #garrus vakarian #otp: it's always been you #fanfic

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pip-n-flinx · 6 years ago

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Little bit of Mass Effect Salt Incoming

So, one of my favorite twitch/youtube personalities recently released a video about his favorite series ever, mass effect! While I was initial thrilled (I didn’t even know he played ME tbh) I gotta say I’m a more than a bit salty about it. I still love him and and watch his stuff, clearly ain’t nobody perfect, but I want to get some things off my chest and most of the people I know who are into ME follow me here. SO here goes.

Here’s the thing, he absolutely hates one of my favorite characters from the franchise. He made jokes about leaving them to die, not regretting it, how horrible a character they are, and even references several moments in the first game as the source of his opinions. He goes into far less details from the 2nd and 3rd games in the franchise, but contends that they failed to change his mind.

Now, it will come as no surprise to some of you that he hates Ashley Williams.

For the sake of clarity, I’m going to get some stuff out of the way right here before explaining to you what he said and why I disagree:

- I have done multiple playthroughs of ME. One included the Ash Romance.

- Most of my playthroughs I romanced Liara.

- My opinions are not ‘ASH IS BEST GIRL CHANGE MY MIND’

- Before someone @’s me with some bullshit, I’d just like to observe I’ve heard a ton of Ash Hatred since I got into the fandom. I would be surprised if you were bringing something new to my attention when it comes to Ash. I’ve spent a great deal of my time playing this game and even more following other content creators of any medium I could find. Please Please Please PLEASE don’t waste your time regurgitating something you heard someone else say and I SWEAR BEFORE ALL THAT IS GOOD if I hear one more “She’s just a ____” comment I will end you no character in this series is “just” anything.

- THIS IS NOT KAIDEN ALENKO HATRED. I actually find the Virmire decision heart wrenching every time.

- Finally, before we move on, I’m not telling you how to play the goddamn game. I have enough trouble with Virmire, Horizon, and the Coup d’etat missions in my own playthrough, I have no intention of re-living the guilt and stress of it for someone else’s Shepard. I got enough emotional baggage from this game already thanks. MOVING ON “Ashley is a space racist.” ALRIGHT listen up kiddos. Her Grandfather, the one who started the Williams Curse? He did that by creating and signing off on Cerberus during the First Contact War. The pro-human splinter group founded during the first encounter and conflict with aliens that humanity experiences? That was her Grandfather’s Idea. And yes, she begins ME1 with some pretty racist commentary. “Can’t tell the aliens from the animals” is a reprehensible line. Now, I don’t think she says anything reprehensible when she talks to Shepard about not liking the aliens on the Normandy, but I can also agree that it comes from a place of fear and discomfort, and that definitely contributes to the argument that she’s a space racist. HOWEVER: what a lot of the Ash haters miss is a moment after Virmire on the Citadel, in the wards, when a isolationist xenophobic populist party known as the Terra Firma party approaches Shepard asking for their support in the next election. This comes after Ashley has had a chance to work with Wrex, Garrus, Tali, and Captain Kirrahe. She DRAGS the leader through the muck, stating that while she likes some of the parties platform the party is full of racists and the refusal by the Terra Firma leaders to denounce the racist comments and racists members of the party is enough to lose them her vote already. She gets so heated about Shepard has to command her to stand down. You don’t get to cherry pick her interactions from ME1 and ignore her character growth. She also falls right into her big sister roll with Tali almost immediately. She tells Tali that it took years to get women accepted in the military. When Tali responds that the Migrant Fleet doesn’t have the luxury of sexism, she replies “sounds great, but I don’t think I could get used to the uniform.” In ME2 she refuses Shepard’s offer, despite earlier referring to Shepard as “a god back from the dead.” Why does she refuse? Because Shepard is working with Cerberus, the organization her GRANDFATHER CREATED. She’s all for the Alliance, and the Alliance is either working with or directing the Citadel Council having earned an honored spot after the Geth attack 2 years before. She is committed to working with the government that is dealing with the other races and refuses to work for Cerberus even though you could argue its in her blood and definitely in her upbringing. Honestly, I can’t fathom why people bring up this scene when trashing Ash, this is a moral stand from a woman accused of being a racist and the flip flop here even from people in the fandom I respect is baffling to me. In ME3 there are a whole plethora of scenes you could pick from but I want to talk about her reuniting with Tali. She immediately tells Tali to drop rank with her, observing they’ve been through enough together that the rank isn’t important. This is especially poignant to me if Tali herself is exiled after the events of ME2.

“Ashley is just a soldier, she doesn’t have any personality beyond that.” BULLSHIT she doesn’t. She’s struggled to find her place in the military due to the family stigma around her grandfather, so she hangs a ton of her personal identity on her family. She’s a supportive older sister, an adoring daughter, at least passingly religious if only because “there are no atheists in a foxhole.” She calls her sisters regularly, tells stories about growing up with them, mourns her late father and reads a ton of poetry, demonstrating a more critical appraisal of literature than Shepard, Vega, Joker, or even Kaidan (”its about not giving up?” is that the best you’ve got Shep? thats pathetic.) Whats more, she doesn’t just read one poet, she picked up some poems from both her “sappy” dad and more pragmatic mom. She’s also a great window to military families in ME, which you can’t really say for Kaidan or 2 out of 3 Shepard backstories. I think in a story about a war to end all wars it would be a disservice to not write about all the widowed men, women, an aliens who are living not quite far enough from the war.

“Why can’t she just trust Shepard? Why does she have to refuse to help in ME2 and then be so standoffish in ME3?” Honestly? If my lover had been declared KIA and then magically came back working under cover for a shady organization with a history of criminal crimes like murder and torture I TOO would have trust issues. I feel like we often gloss over just how horrible an organization Cerberus really is. Even ignoring the “they rebuilt you” angle which gets EVEN CREEPIER in the first Mars mission in ME3 I can’t imagine immediately flip flopping between Cerberus are war criminals to my best friend presumed dead is working for them to its alright now totally nothing out of the ordinary that compromised my opinion of their judgement took place.

So I just can’t see the Ashley Williams hate. I can see leaving her behind (no I can’t, no one ever dies in this series, how dare you tell me anyone dies?) on Virmire. But I just can’t fathom the hatred.

With all that said Kaidan is not boring, Ash is more than a racist soldier, and I love all the characters in the ME trilogy. Thank you. Good Night.

#Mass Effect #Tier List #Personal Rant #Sir that is my emotional support character #but honestly every mass effect character is my emotional support

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baejax-the-great · 3 years ago

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Pillow Talk

Shepard x Garrus | T| Chapter 1| 1541 words | AO3

Late night conversations between two friends who happen to be sleeping together.

cw: (mild) self harm, body mutilation

“Do you remember Saren?” Nadia asked, drumming her fingers over Garrus’s.

His voice came close at her ear, nonplussed. “It’s only been two years, Shepard, it would be pretty worrying if I didn’t.”

“I meant—”

He wasn’t done. “I quit my job because of him. Joined a human ship under the command of the first human spectre and sorely disappointed my family. The word ‘obsessed’ came up more than once. They… might have had a point.”

Okay, she should have posed the question differently. This was on her. Getting Garrus to shut up about Saren on the SR1 had been hit and miss until she landed on the brilliant strategy of just walking away to find Tali. He had her at a disadvantage at this moment, his heavy arm pinning her down. “You think?”

“Maybe. Although…” His tone turned thoughtful as his leg wedged its way between hers. “Without Saren I’d never be sharing my bed with that rogue human spectre.”

“Ex-spectre, and you’re in my bed, Vakarian.”

He nuzzled the back of her head. “Yes, ma’am.”

Shouldn’t have brought it up. She traced the painful divot in her cheek where her manufactured skin gave way to machinery underneath. The skin was real enough to ooze a little, to be tender to the touch, heat-sensitive and sweat-intolerant, her face buzzing like a wasp’s nest after a hard battle, but faulty enough to crack under pressure and not heal back.

Garrus cleared his throat. “I guess I could consider it concerning that here we are in bed together… and you’re thinking about Saren. Anything you want to tell me, Shep?”

“You’re the one with the ‘obsession.’ Any old late-night thoughts about Saren you want to tell me?”

“Ahh… no.”

“Uh huh.”

She let it rest. Didn’t know why she’d started the conversation in the first place. Behind her, Garrus’s breathing got softer, slower. His finger twitched in her hand, then slackened. She poked the always-open wound on her forehead and bit back the hiss of pain.

The stars twinkled over their bed, the fish tank bubbled, and on Nadia’s white pillowcase was a faint, red glow.

“Do you remember what he looked like?” she whispered outward, toward the wall of her cabin and not the man wrapped around her, “In the end?”

Read the rest on AO3

#shakarian #garrus x shepard #nadia shepard #my writing #two broken people doing their best honestl

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anarchycox · 7 years ago

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ltleflrt replied to your post: B Any of your stories inspired by personal...

*whispers* omg Cortez/Vakarian…. Sign me up.

RIGHT????

OK like I have talked to one other person about this but I need 10k of them becoming friends bonding over late nights trying to repair any vehicle or gun that Shepard touches because they break everything they see and Cortez can’t keep up alone. And they become friendly and have fallen asleep together dozens of times mid repair.

And maybe there is flirting but neither is really sure.

And besides Cortez knows Garrus is hung up on the Commander and Garrus knows Cortez is just waiting for a chance to make a move on Vega and so there is epic mutual pining up the wazoo and Vega and Shep who have been boning since earth want their BEST FRIENDS TO GET A FUCKING CLUE ALREADY.

So...yeah...I need this like air.

#ltleflrt

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kfawkes · 8 years ago

Note

Sorry it was 94, the "I'm broken and you can't fix it" one.

Alright! This is also a very old prompt so sorry for the delay! Hopefully you end up seeing it since you’re anon

Kiiiinda sad but it’s happy in the end :3

——————————————————————

Shepard sat in the Normandy Shuttle Bay. Her head was lowered with her chin set lightly in her palms. Her expression was blank as she stare forward absentmindedly. Each breath she drew was soft and steady. She felt numb, sad, but mostly she just felt broken and uneasy. Like there was something wrong with her…

Life hadn’t exactly been easy since she had been revived. Revived was her nice way of thinking about it… She knew that saying ‘revived’ implied they actually had a body to bring back. But considering she had been reduced to meat and tubes when they found her, the body she now rocked wasn’t entirely her own. Jane knew that the skin she saw covering her bones wasn’t hers. That the blood that pumped through those tiny blue veins appearing through her pale skin wasn’t hers… She knew that that soft red head of hair she had wasn’t even hers. But, on the plus side she didn’t have a new affinity for eating brains so at least she had that going for her, right?

Somehow apparently even as a sack of meat, her brain had been in tact though. I mean clearly it had been, hadn’t it? She could remember everything that happened to her throughout her life. She remembered the day she enlisted. She remembered every night she spent with Garrus. She remembered every family holiday back on Mindoir. Every gunshot and cut that scarred her body.

But why then… did she almost feel nothing? What was wrong with her if she came back right?

“Hey… You busy?” Garrus spoke softly pulling her from her thoughts. He stepped closer casually shifting his weight after a light tilt of his head. After a moment he crossed his arms and leaned against a nearby crate. Only a hint of his nerves sliding through to his subvocal’s.

“Uh… no, not exactly. Just… thinking.” Jane replied in a calm voice that was relaxed and steady. She leaned up straight as she fiddle with her fingers anxiously in her lap, tossing him a small soft smile.

“Anything a clueless turian could help you with?” His voice was kind and gentle. The purr made her feel warm and she wished again that she hadn’t been so cold to him lately… It made her glad to know he was still interested and trying after all this time.

“I… don’t think this is something that can be fixed, Garrus.” Lifting her finger to her temple she tapped the side of her head a few times. “It’s all up here… fucking with me… Reminding me…” She pulled her eyes from his to her hands again as she lowered her brow in a deep sigh.

“Shepard…”

“I know what you’re going to say… I shouldn’t let it effect me. But I can’t help it. Every time I close my eyes I see the Normandy exploding and every time I fall asleep I can’t breathe again… Every time I look at my hands and arms and face…” She pulled her hands in front of her gazing at the bright orange scars decorating her skin. “It’s just not right, Garrus. None of it is right.”

“Shepard.” He tried a little hard this time, but still she ignored his attempts.

Moving to her feet she placed her hands on her hips, pressing her tongue against the inside of her cheek then pressing her teeth atop it lightly. “I can’t keep doing this. Walking around… pretending I’m okay. Like everything is just fine and dandy. Like dying didn’t completely fuck me up. Like I’m still this amazingly powerful woman. I mean come on. I’m hardly even human anymore…” She paced the space, exclaiming with her limbs as she talk frustratedly.

“Shep-” But before he could even get her name out this time she had already started again.

“I mean look at me? Just look at me.” Jane stopped, turning toward him abruptly. She opened her arms to the side as if she were revealing something hidden. “I’m completely fucked, Garrus. I’m completely fucked beyond repair. I’m broken and you can’t fix me. None of you can… And the sooner you realize it the soo-”

“Jane!” Garrus stepped close to her, grabbing her lightly by both of her arms forcing her to stop and breathe.

His voice was almost a yell, but she was getting rather manic and he didn’t know how else to stop her from spiraling further. “Listen to me. Everything is going to be okay. I’m here and I’m not going to give up just because you think you can’t be fixed. Let me tell you something, Shepard… You can push and push all you want, but I’m not going to budge. I won’t lose you again.”

She was breathing heavily with her brow still furrowed in self doubt and denial. “Garrus, please… We don’t even know if I’m… human. Or if I even came back right. What if I’m… We can’t do this anymore. I’m not good for you.” Lowering her head in defeat she felt her shoulders weaken as her eyelids grew heavy.

She had never been much of a crier but in that moment she felt her eyes burning as they filled with tears. She was giving him one more out… One more chance to call it quits and before it was too late.

“You listen to me, and you listen good, Jane. You’re real and you’re you. I would bet my life on it.” Sliding his hands to her neck he look down at her large forest eyes. As he wipe away a stray tear that escaped he remembered the only other time he’d seen her cry. It had been after Virmire. After Ashley… He shook his head lightly removing the thought as he cleared his throat and started again more softly. “I will never give up on you. Believe me when I say that if nothing else. I’d know you anywhere, Jane. There is nothing wrong with you.”

“Then why do I feel like this?” Her lip quivered lightly as another small tear slid down her freckled cheek, stinging her fresh orange scars on the way down.

“Because you were dead for two years. Of course you feel messed up… Now I don’t know if you’ll ever feel how you used to. But what I do know is that you’re here. You’re alive, Shepard. You died, but now you’re here again. You have a chance to find out.” Slipping the hand from her neck to rest at the base of her skull, he pulled her into a soft kiss. “And I’m not letting you go this time.”

“Good.” She smiled and leaned into his chest as he pulled her into a tight hug.

His warmth surrounded her and she felt a small fire light again deep within her chest. For the first time in weeks her mind was silent. For the first time in weeks, she didn’t feel broken or incomplete… For the first time in weeks, she felt at peace.

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incorrectly-quoted-queers · 5 years ago

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Drunk Punch Love- Chapter 5

Pairing: FemShep and Garrus Vakarian (Shakarian)

Rating: PG-13 (with some tossed F-bombs)

Summary: Their awkward, badass journey through saving the galaxy and accidentally falling in love

Chapter 5: A Grave on Virmire

But not like this.

Standing on that bridge, all she could see was Akuze all over again. Swatches of blood and teeth streaked across her vision and before she knew it, all her friends were dead. It couldn't be happening again. She couldn't let it happen again.

Next to her, Tali laid a gentle hand on her arm and said, "Shepard?"

That's when Anya had to remind herself that these friends weren't dead, not yet. And she had to make a choice. A horrible choice, but making no choice would be worse. But she didn't want to make her friend a hero like this.

Ashley was protecting a bomb that would go off with or without her. Kaidan had a whole team with him, and they'd risked their lives to make sure her part of the mission was successful. Furthermore, they had intel on Saren and the Geth that could be invaluable to the war that might be coming. By the numbers, there was only one choice.

It didn't mean she didn't feel like total bullshit about it. After all her promises, and Shepard had to fail her. Taking a deep breath, Anya said, "Ash, I'm-"

"Don't sweat it, Commander. Save them. I would."

There was so much more Anya wanted to say, to apologize for, to get a proper goodbye with her friend. But then Kaidan and Kirrahe were on the other line screaming for help and she had to go, or they'd die, too.

As she started to run away from the bomb site, she yelled into her comms, "You're one of the best damn soldiers I ever met, Ashley Williams."

"Thanks, Shep."

Before she cut her own comms off, she added. "Give 'em hell." Because she didn't know what else to say.

After that, everything was so blurry. Her blood was practically boiling, shooting at Saren. He was the reason all of this was happening. He killed Nihlus. He killed Benezia. He killed Ashley. And he didn't give a damn.

Well, Anya was going to make sure that her pistol to the back of his skull would change that.

But then the coward ran off with his Geth the second he realized she was putting real dents in him. Wrex had to hold her back from trying to throw herself at their ship, but for thirty seconds, he helped her smash every collapsed Geth left on the platform. That is, until Joker showed up with the Normandy. Then Wrex and Tali dragged her towards the ship because Virmire was blowing up.

Shepard didn't mean to kick or scream when they did it. Smashing robot heads was all she had when she couldn't go back and get Ash. And being pulled onto the Normandy made it real and she didn't want that.

She always hated that her Commander's choices helped let her live while everyone else ended up dead. And now she did the same damn thing to someone who looked just like the patriotic soldier she used to be. Anya wasn't sure what that meant about who she'd become, and she definitely wasn't proud of it. But, duty called, right?

When she got in the Normandy's cockpit with everyone else, all she wanted to do was curl up on the ground and cry. But the second she glanced at her team? Wrex was destitute and looked ready to storm off, Liara was tending to Kaidan's arm wound and they were holding each other, Tali was sitting close to Joker at the front console. And Garrus? He was leaning against the wall, staring into the corner.

She got her freedom to let loose down there. Now that they could all breathe and realize what they'd lost, it was time for her to step the fuck up and be the Commander.

As the Normandy soared up into the sky, she could see the complex slowly exploding below them. And it made it harder to watch, knowing that they were seeing Ash blow up, too. Kinda ruined any real feelings of victory. But she couldn't stand letting them walk away feeling empty. Before anyone could leave, Anya spoke to her crew. "We've just lost good people down on that planet. And now we're chasing down Saren to save the galaxy. Take the little time we have to grieve, but then be ready to give 'em hell when we get there. For Ash."

People nodded around her. No one cheered or anything, but it seemed to take a weight off their shoulders. After all, with one speech she took some of their pain and made it hers. It was what a good commander did. As each of them walked past her, she patted shoulders and said as many positives as she could.

She wanted to cry, too, but she didn't have the time for it. The least she could do was alleviate their suffering and guilt.

Once everyone else walked by her, all that was left in that narrow hallway was her and Garrus. He brought his brooding next to her and said, "You don't have to keep up that face with me. I want to help you carry the burden, remember?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I have to let you."

"I know Ash meant a lot to you. You have a soft spot for headstrong soldiers who don't always do what they're told. Wonder why."

Anya laughed, but it hurt on the way down. "Can it, Vakarian."

"At least I got you to laugh."

Looking up at him, Anya could see how desperate he was to help her. But right now wasn't a time she could let him. "Honestly? If I stop focusing on Saren and actually talk about what I'm feeling, I'll start crying or screaming. And I don't know how long it'll take me to stop. So if you're really feeling like doing the emotional baggage stuff, buy me a drink after this and I'll cry for you."

"I thought we weren't doing drunk again."

Anya scoffed, remembering herself falling all over him. "I'd rather deal with being a drunken embarrassment than keeping all this bottled up inside. Losing Ash is just too... And you could say I don't need alcohol for that, but if I'm gonna be honest I don't know if I can let go without it."

"Shepard-"

"Yeah, I know. Sounds pathetic."

"No. Sounds like a lot of pain." His put his arm around her and squeezed her shoulder. It was more comfort than she'd like to admit. "You know what? If it helps, I'll risk the booze again, too."

"Now we just have to make it outta here alive."

"For a chance to know all your dirty secrets and regrets? I'll shoot Saren myself. Granted, I would do that anyway. Always was one to go for the killshot." Garrus walked off, but for the rest of the night he seemed to keep an eye out for her, while the crew had dinner and avoided the pain of losing Ash. In some ways, it was endearing. In others, exhausting.

After all, she wasn't supposed to be thinking about him too much. That was the rule here. Anya was kinda breaking it when she couldn't stop thinking about going to a quiet place and just letting him hold her so tightly that her painful thoughts might have time to shut up.

So, she almost felt relieved when she got back to her room. Sure, she was just pouring over all the intel she could and it wasn't relaxing at all, but it was better than having to be strong. The night had been long and it was just nice to be alone, frown, and do what she needed to do to be prepared for tomorrow.

The fate of the galaxy could change tomorrow. No pressure or anything.

By morning she'd be facing off with Saren on a Prothean world, Ilos, trying to stall these so-called Reapers wanting to destroy the galaxy. It all sounded like an insane nightmare cooked up as "The worst case scenario threat to happen on the first day of Spectres".

Well, Anya Shepard had all the luck, didn't she?

After an hour or two, she couldn't learn anything else from their tactical plans or the geographical readings, so she was just stuck sitting there and waiting. She probably shouldn't be, though. If anything, Anya should be getting some rest.

But hard to get some rest when you know you buried your friend a few hours ago and didn't have the time to fall the fuck apart about it. Ash was someone who deserved for Anya to lose all her shit when grieving.

She could still remember picking her up on Eden Prime, and how elastic and eager she was to join up, to stop the bad guys. Ashley had an opinionated bite to her, but she was still a soldier who wanted to do good things. Garrus was right. She reminded Anya of the person she used to be before the suicide missions started.

Only a few minutes into thinking about Ash, Anya was regretting it. Well, she didn't regret it. But she knew there was only so much thinking and pushing she could do before tonight was about Ash, not prepping herself for Saren.

And it was bullshit that she had to push thoughts of Ash away, but the state of the galaxy was bullshit right now, and so was the fact that she was hunting down a person who was supposed to help save it.

So, instead she just was staring up at her ceiling, shoving the memory of Ash's face away, trying to picture an ending where every other member of this crew was safe and everything wasn't in peril anymore.

But just as she was starting to do a damn good job at keeping the fatalism away, there was a knock at her door. Considering the lateness, Anya was a little perplexed. All of her people were supposed to be asleep.

Opening the door, the metal slid open to show a messy haired Kaidan Alenko with shaky hands. Anya didn't even know what to say. Her neurons fried and fused the second his brown eyes met hers, looking desperate. "Shepard. I- I was wondering if we could talk."

Her hands were still at her side; she could barely move a molecule. Seeing him like this came out of left field. If anyone checked on her tonight, she would've assumed it would be-

Well, maybe it was about time she stopped assuming things. She assumed she was going to be Ash's mentor, and look how that worked out.

After a moment of staring at him like she just got a shot of nerve poison, Anya nodded, her loose hair shaking around her face, trying to be less on edge. He could just be here as a friend, right? Maybe he just needed a pep talk. "Yeah, sure. Come in."

Kaidan walked past her like he was afraid to touch her, and Shepard hoped to take that as a good sign. She shut the door behind him and asked, "The mission get to your nerves?"

Her handsome lieutenant chuckled and turned back to look at her with this uncertain smile. "You could say that." Before Anya could get in another word, Kaidan stepped towards her and the mood of the conversation started changing. It got intimate. And she didn't like it. "It's all just so much. Saren, the Geth, Reapers... I knew when I joined the Alliance that things would be dangerous and I was proud to be apart of it. But now we've lost Ash, and now there's... I just can't wrap my head around the fact this might be the last night I'm alive. Or the last night I ever have a chance to tell you how I feel."

Suddenly, Anya felt suffocated. Kaidan had proverbial hearts in her eyes and she wanted to scream. She cared so much about him and she couldn't stand putting him in a bad headspace right before Ilos, but this couldn't be happening. He couldn't be stepping towards her and looking so in love when the only person she even sort of wanted to see tonight was not him.

Hell, even if Garrus Vakarian never walked into her life and made it more confusing, she still wouldn't want this.

"Shep- Anya. I just want to-" And then Kaidan did the unthinkable. He closed the space between them, went to grab her waist, and tried to pull her in for a kiss. Her entire body recoiled and, before she could try to let him down gently, her fist let him down very, very heavily.

When her hand collided with his face, Kaidan fell to the floor. Anya felt instant regret. Reaching for his hand, he just looked up at her with this gaping horror. It made her feel like more of a monster than she already felt today. "Kaidan, I'm sorry. I just..." He stood up on his own and looked like he'd been betrayed. "I don't see you that way."

"But you always came to see me-"

Anya wanted to be kind, but she was so frustrated and over all of this. She'd been tiptoeing around her own ship for weeks. "I came to see everyone. I should've told you to back off sooner, I know, but I wanted to focus on this mission. I never thought it would get to this point." She pressed her face into her hands and then added, "For christ's sake, Alenko, I'm your CO, how did you think showing up to my room would go? The fate of the galaxy is at hand. I care a lot about you, but this... I should've put you in line before, but I have to do it now."

Kaidan rubbed his jaw, but there were no marks forming. Luckily the punch was a surprise to Anya herself. It wasn't a very good one. "I get it. I'm an idiot. Sorry for bothering you."

Before he could pass by her, Anya grabbed his arm and met his brown eyes. "Just because I don't feel that way doesn't mean I want you getting hurt tomorrow. Remember that."

"On your order, Commander." Then he pulled himself out of her grasp and left the room. Shepard just watched him go and kept staring in that direction long after he left. The whole thing was so surreal.

Fuck.

As much as Anya just wanted to get her head straight and remember her priorities, her thoughts were swimming. Left alone, all she'd have was Kaidan's face plastered in her mind all night. She couldn't do that for hours, just worry about what she'd done to him.

Christ, who the fuck invented romance, anyway? It was bullshit.

What she needed right now was a distraction. And not just any, but a goddamn friend.

Anya knew who she wanted to be with right now, but she didn't know if it was a good idea. But if there was no booze and all she wanted was a friend tonight anyway, what could the harm be?

Getting on her datapad, she sent GV a message. Can't sleep. Cards in my room?

When she started to put her pad down, she didn't expect it to vibrate with a response back before she could even put it away. Me neither. Be there in a sec.

While Anya couldn't ignore the butterflies in her stomach, she realized they didn't really matter right now. Well, they mattered. They still were doing a Russian ballet all across her stomach lining.

But what mattered was this night was shit, and despite all her platitudes she was terrified, and her best friend was going to come over and make it better. That, or at least help her forget for awhile.

This time, when her door pinged at her, she opened it with a relieved smile. And there he was, tall shoulders, bright blue eyes, and all the familiarity she needed. "Need a friend for the end of the galaxy?"

Shepard nodded and welcomed him in. "Always."

Author's Note:

I always hate talking about Virmire. And I normally dislike Ash (a lot) but I gave her some cute humanity and now I’m mad cause I’m sad

Only plus side is Garrus supporting our Anya through it <3

Thanks so much for reading, and double thanks to my lovely patrons:

Danyell Jones

Amy Connolly

If you'd like to support the story, please go check out my bio for more info :) Twitter: @Steph_Marceau

#Shakarian #Drunk Punch Love #garrus vakarian #Anya Shepard #femshep x garrus #Virmire #ashley williams #kaidan alenko #ilos

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ezrisdax-archive · 8 years ago

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dreamer-s-den replied to your post “all right this space is getting too depressing, so like, maybe send me...”

Tali'zorah/femshep please

Tali has never let the fish thing go and continues to tease Shep about the sushi place. she’s really amused that it was her coming to Shep’s rescue this time and it was reminiscent of their first meeting all the years ago near Chora’s Den

Tali talks in her sleep and Shep is always up late doing reports so she finds in comforting to hear as background noise and know that Tali is there

Shep once hunted down a special part for shotguns on Omega for Tali’s birthday

They build a house on Rannoch together and at night they look up the stars and Tali knows that with Shep there next to her this is home

Shep takes Tali to Earth for a vacation once and tries to go in disguised so she won’t get ambushed as the hero she is, Tali took pictures to send to the others because it looked so bad and snickered the whole time

Tali and Garrus got drunk one night and painted Shep’s armour purple to match Tali. she never painted it back

They have a funeral for Legion, just them. there’s a memorial with the whole crew later but they knew Legion best and feel the loss the worst.

most nights they let the sound of the Normandy’s engines lull them to sleep, content that they got this chance and trading stories back and forth of old human and quarian lore

#dreamer s den #fshali

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kestrelsansjesses · 8 years ago

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"Hear my heart beat? Just focus on that." And/or "I'm okay, you're okay, we're okay." For Garrus and Shep please :3

[Here you go anon. I hope you like it.

"Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that." A dull drumbeat echoed through the silent forest, her arms and legs going slower and slower. It interrupted the sound of a child’s laughter, his chubby hand tightly gripping a model of the Normandy. His face changed every few moments, flicking back and forth from the other orphans she had run with in her childhood back on Earth back to the children she hadn’t been able to save, the tiny bodies that were covered with their own colorful, starship spangled sheets.

“Shepard, follow the sound.” That same voice again, graveled and two-toned and familiar. It broke through the mists of the forest, bringing light beaming down through her eyelids as the dream slowly faded, revealing itself for what it was. It wasn’t real life, no matter how life-like it felt. The same dream multiple times a week, happening enough that it made waking up a relief.

Stirring, Shepard woke to a hand on her shoulder, opening her eyes to see Garrus looking down at her, concern written into his features and reflected in the slight clicking of his mandibles. “Shit,” she said, struggling to sit up, “I think I’m still stuck in that nightmare, looking at that face.” A smile she didn’t fully feel yet lit across her face briefly, but her heart was still racing faster than she would have liked. “Was I talking in my sleep?”

“Talking, drooling. The usual. The ever graceful Commander Shepard left some drool marks on my chest.” There was indeed a faint damp spot on Garrus’ natural carapace; she had vague recollections of falling asleep with her head on his chest last night, and she must have stayed there until he tried to wake her up.

“You tell anyone about that, Vakarian, and I’ll send your ass right back to Palaven, Reapers or no Reapers.” Finally she felt like she was back in the present, the familiar confines of her room on the Normandy coming into focus alongside Garrus’ familiar form next to her. It felt good to fall asleep next to him. It was the only way she could fall asleep, lately, a thought that brought forth a groan as she ran a palm over her face and rubbed at her temples, trying to shake the start of a headache off. Everything hurt today, all the spots Cerberus had knit back together aching in distinct points like stars.

Garrus caught her hand, using his other to brush the stray strands of red hair from her eyes. “Hey, Shepard, you doing okay? Seriously. You make me worry sometimes. If you ever want a break, a night out at the Citadel, people would understand.” He would understand. At the end of the day, that was all Shepard cared about.

“No time, Garrus.” No time for anything but pressing forward, desperately trying to marshall a force out of disparate elements in the galaxy. Trying to make krogans, salarians, turians, humans, and asari get along, not to mention batarians and… Just thinking about it was making her headache worse, and for all that Shepard could hear the clock ticking down, she sunk back onto the pillows. The little kid was still flickering around the edges of her mind, taunting her. You weren’t fast enough, he seemed to say. You never will be. Watch this all go up in flames. “Maybe five minutes. Vakarian, your commander is ordering you to lie down for a few more minutes.”

Garrus lay down next to her, leaving one arm open to form the perfect spot to rest her head. “I can’t deny a superior,” he told her, and her eyelids grew heavy again. This time, she knew the child wouldn’t come back. Not for a while.

#Shakarian #Mass Effect Fanfiction #Garrus #Shepard #Garrus Vakarian #Garrus x Shepard #ShepardxGarrus #Mass Effect #prompt response #Shepard x Garrus #GarrusxShepard #Anonymous

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bwxsc-blog · 8 years ago

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"I'm not asleep Garrus." Shepard voice said and Garrus turned his head to see Shepard standing there, wearing a loose fitting tank top and a pair of shorts. "Hmm, I thought you had gone to bed already, is it rather late at night?" Garrus said shrugging his shoulders as he went back to focusing on what he was working on. "Uh huh, I could ask you the same thing, Officer Vakarian." Shepard said and nearly burst our laughing at the annoyed expression on Garrus's face, well if he could move it that is, she found it weird that turian's couldn't move their facial structure though Garrus had gotten rather good at it. "So need me for something, or did you just come down for a chat." Garrus asked stopping what he was doing and turned to look at her.

"I thought we could split a couple drinks, I mean we both need one, after the pain in the ass time, we've both had in the past few years or months, take your pick," Shepard said shrugging her shoulder's for a moment holding up a bottle and a couple glasses. "Is that?" Garrus asked seeming a bit surprised. "Yep, seems that wine you earned on a vigilante's salary actually lasted longer than it looked though we could always drink the other one." Shepard said shrugging her shoulder and tossing her chocolate brown hair over her shoulder and grinning at him.

"I suppose you're right, I have been calibrating this damn gun for over two years," Garrus said snickering a bit as he shut up the console following Shepard into the lounge and grinned over at her. "So you've been getting to know the turian inlaw's it seems," Garrus said sitting down on the couch and looked at Shepard who laughed.

"Oh yes, your sister is a very persuasive turian, we've met on several occasions over the video chat, poor traynor couldn't catch a break with her, she's worried about you, though, wondering why you haven't called her or your father back," Shepard said shrugging her shoulders as she sat down across from him, leaning back and resting her head on her fingers. "

I know the reason, though, it goes with the whole what happened with Sidonis and the whole turian honor code that you guy's live by day by day, and I know how the whole betrayal is tearing you up, I also know why you didn't sync up with Solana the last time...because of your scars," Shepard said pouring their drinks and passed it across the table to Garrus who shook his head. "So you've noticed that," Garrus said quietly taking a sip of his drink. "Garrus it's my job to know how the rest of my crew is doing, if I didn't I wouldn't be a good captain and then we would both be out of luck. I'm not here tonight to lecture you or anything, but I just want to know what you think about this entire shitstorm that's blowing up around the two of us, you've always had my back, so it's now it's time that I heard yours." Shepard said looking at Garrus and stood up walking over to the couch and sitting next to him.

Garrus sighed as he leaned his head back against the cushions before standing up and glanced back at her. "Fine you really want to know what I think of us, I think this has to be the worse fucking tactical bullshit, that his ever happened to anyone in the history of the universe. I mean spirits sake Shepard, you faced down not just one but two spectres, a creature that hasn't existed for over 2000 years, you've come back FROM THE DEAD AND SURVIVED THAT AND FOR WHAT THEY PLACED YOU ON A FUCKING SUICIDE MISSION AND FOR SOME GODDAMN REASON, YOU'VE MANGED TO SURVIVE THAT." Garrus said his voice rising into a shout, before holding his hand up to stop himself for a moment, taking a couple deep breath. "and what do our so called government, do they call it a bunch of bullshit and when the ONE DAMN THING that they have been throwing away for years, decides to fight, they send you into it again." Garrus said shaking his head and moving over to stand near the window and leaned his head against it, tears rolling down his cheeks.

" I don't know Shep, I just don't Shep. through all this bullshit you've managed to show no emotion and act like the big badass that you are...and you know what I'm terrified because of it, you had to pull up all these walls and place jokes to keep yourself sane...and honestly..I don't know what I would do without you." Garrus said taking a deep breath and walking back towards the couch and sitting down.

Shepard sighed as she leaned forward and shook her head a couple times. "Come on," Shepard said standing up and reaching her hand out to her boyfriend to help him up. "Shepard...I" Garrus said but stopped himself, knowing he probably had said enough, he sighed as he stood up and shook his head following her towards the elevator and walked inside, leaning back against the wall and looked at Shepard noticing, that she was just shaking her head at him. "Was that disrespectful at all," Garrus asked casually hating the silence between the two of them.

"No, it wasn't," Shepard said sighing deeply.

Once they were in the safety of her quarters and standing in all too familiar spot near her fish tank, Shepard sighed for a moment pausing before speaking. "I'm glad you told me about how you feel on this whole situation, it's nice to know that someone is actually giving me information and not leaving me guessing," she noticed that he was to speak and held her hand up to stop him from commenting.

"Let me speak my mind, okay...I know things have been going wrong since this whole bullshit began. You and Liara almost lose your homeworld...well Liara loses hers.Tali almost loses her life, I almost had to kill Kaidan once again, we lost mordin, legion, almost zillions of people in the past few hours and I know that it can be stressful on anyone, but Garrus if you need to talk to me about something...or better yet if I need to talk with something...I will....I promise. There is no Shepard without Vakarian..I thought you knew that by now." Shepard said chuckling to herself and smiled as she gently got onto her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his for a moment. "Besides who can stop the most badass team of warriors in the galaxy," Shepard said laughing a bit to herself. "You, are the most craziest son of a bitch that I've ever seen Shepard, and you know what I love you for that," Garrus said grabbing her waist and pressing a kiss against her lips for a moment.

#female shepard x garrus #ao3 #ao3feed #garrus vakarian

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