#{ i didn't think i'd write him outside of the few pages he'd show up in the finder of aetheria comic or story or whatever }

[oflostinfound]

I enjoyed having Marsha kick John's ass.

{ john is an awful person. an awful dad who cares more about money and order and power than actually being a parent he sees his children as a means to an end, he deserved every second of that }

[talkativeanxiousturtle]

Bitches will watch two episodes of a show and write a fic. Anyways I'm bitches, here's a short page of how I think "the morning after" would go down for Wilson and House.

This was going to be incredibly embarrassing. Wilson just knew it.

Yet, he sighed, and slammed the car door shut. He walked through the parking lot with some difficulty, sighing in relief when he finally reached the hospital's doors. He greeted a few colleagues on his way to his office. The familiar faces were, at first, smiling as usual, but they each quickly dropped to concern as they noticed his awkward limping. James hurried his pace.

Finally, as he reached the sanctum of his office, he allowed himself to whimper in pain. He eyed his chair, grunting in apprehension. He walked to it, letting a careless hand run against his desk. He whined again, before slowly, steadily, crouching down on the chair. He winced when his butt made contact. Having to sit all day in front of his patients would be hell.

James had known for long that Greg was anything but gentle. Now, he knew that also applied to the bedroom.

Wilson gasped in surprise as his morning paperwork session was interrupted by his door flying open. The slight movement sent a shockwave of pain through his entire body. It wasn't terrible, far from the worst thing he'd experienced, but it was new, unfamiliar, distracting. He forced his mouth shut by biting his lip, and looked at whoever had just intruded his office.

"Yes?" he squealed, though a part of him already knew who it was.

"Hey, Wilson," Greg purred, smirking proudly.

James rolled his eyes, and sighed, relaxing instantly.

"Greg, what are you doing here so early?"

"I think you know that perfectly well," he replied, walking slowly to Wilson's desk. He sat on the corner. "I wanted to check on you."

Wilson raised an eyebrow. "Check on me?"

Greg shrugged casually. "I was worried. Sue me."

The doctor's blue eyes fixated on Wilson's tense grip to his chair. He snorted slightly, looking James in the eye again.

"I really did a number on you last night," he mocked.

Wilson scoffed. "Worried, right. Just say you wanted to gloat and be done with it already," James complained. He tried to lean back in his chair to show contempt, but the slight wince ruined the effect.

Greg chuckled under his breath, putting a patronizing hand on Wilson's shoulder. "It's alright, you can tell me where it hurts. I'm a doctor, I've seen worse," he mocked with a flirty wink.

"Well," Wilson laughed, "I'd certainly hope so! Or else, you should be mortified right now. And you seem the furthest thing from."

"I'm actually quite proud," Greg assured, raising his cane slightly. "I managed to convert you to homosexuality in less than a night."

"It's not a religion," Wilson scoffed.

"You did mention God a lot last night. I might've even heard a few Christ's here and there. Careful there, they might revoke your Jewish license, or however that works."

"Oh, hush," Wilson said, hiding in his hands, exhausted. "And you didn't convert me, I'm bi, and I've known for a while."

Greg seemed a bit upset by that. His shoulders dropped slightly, and his stare grew despondent. It was all very subtle, but clear as day for Wilson who had known Greg so long. 

"What?"

Greg shook his head and chuckled, killing the sparkle of vulnerability with surgical precision.

"So, are you saying that wasn't your first time getting something up your ass? I mean, outside of the occasional broom."

Wilson sighed, and rolled his eyes. 

"I've... Experimented a little, before. With a few girlfriends. But I've never had anything this big-"

Wilson stopped himself as he saw Greg's smile. James felt his cheeks burn and he looked away.

"Why, thank you there, darling," Greg teased.

"Don't be so self-important! You're bigger than a finger or two, so what, don't flatter yourself."

"I'm not. You're doing it for me."

"You know what, House? Maybe you don't have it, but you definitely are the biggest dick!" Wilson complained, embarrassed.

House looked surprisingly hurt by the comment. He shook it off quickly, though. "But this dick really was your first, right?"

Greg looked at him, insistent, with a wide grin. Wilson felt that he could melt. He grunted and sighed in admittance.

Greg cheered with a fist, and smirked. "So I am still a little bit special, at least?"

Oh, you have no idea.

Wilson shook his head. "Yeah, yeah, my first man, whatever." Wilson paused, realizing something. "Wait..." he raised his eyes to meet Greg's. "Are you implying that I'm not yours?"

Wilson's mocking smile reached his eyes as House concealed the slight embarrassment as best he could.

"What does that mean? Am I right?"

"No, you're not," Greg let out, exasperated. He got up from the desk. "But that's really no surprise coming from you."

The dig slid on Wilson's back like rain on a duck's.

"That doesn't answer my question, exactly."

Greg sighed, already leaving. "Let's just say we both got something new to add to our resumes last night."

Wilson took advantage of Greg's back facing him to ogle him, and giggled under his breath like a love-crazed teen. That ass was his.

[tagsecretsanta]

From @sailing-on-a-puddle

From @sailing-on-a-puddle to @coco9728

I'd been thinking about doing this crossover fic for a while, so when my first prompt was ‘Combine Thunderbirds with one of your favorite movies, tv shows or books’ I wanted to do this one! It stands by itself but it's possible there will be a further plot. 

I did start writing this before these two took over the entire BBC in the UK :D Thank you for the inspiration to write this and festive greetings! 

“The guests are h’arriving, milady.”

“Thank you, Parker.”

Lady Penelope turned to Virgil, who was laying on his side engaged in a very animated conversation with Sherbet. Admittedly there were no words from Sherbet's side, but both she and Virgil seemed capable of filling in the gaps and Sherbet's face was always expressive.

“Should we go and greet our guests for the inventor roadshow Virgil?” 

“Oh yes” Virgil replied, getting up off the floor. “I'm so excited about this. A showcase of inventions in your garden! Have you seen some of the inventions?”

“Yes I have. Has one caught your eye in particular?”

“Quite a few” Virgil swiped through various profiles emerging from a holoprojector. “They're so impressive. This guy in particular. He invented a knitting machine that takes the wool directly from the sheep, amongst other things. Oh they've missed his last name though. What a shame.”

Parker looked at the profile. “Ah no, I've heard of him. He just calls himself Wallace. Nobody knows his last name. And he’s never seen without his dog.”

As if on cue, Sherbet ran up to Lady Penelope and was scooped up in her arms. “Oh and apparently he had a version of your launch chute in his house” she added.

Virgil looked confused. “How does he know about my launch chute? And why would he copy mine? Alan gets comfy seats!”

“I'm don't know, but we'd better go else we'll be late.” 

Virgil followed Penelope outside into the garden where the roadshow was taking place. She was immediately accosted by a very pompous looking man who made at least one syllable in each word far too long. “Oh Peneeeeeeeeelope daaaaaaaarling”. 

Virgil decided he didn't really want to talk to Mr Syllable, and instead headed off towards the table occupied by Mr Wallace. 

He found Mr Wallace with screwdriver in hand working on his latest invention. His dog was sitting behind him, and Virgil could have sworn he was reading the newspaper, or holopaper, on the holoprojector.

“Mr Wallace, I'm very pleased to meet you. I'm Virgil Tracy.” Virgil held out his hand for a handshake.

“Pleased to meet you Mr Tracy. Call me Wallace. And this is my dog Gromit. Gromit lad, Mr Tracy is from International Rescue.”

“Virgil, please.”

Gromit looked up from his holopaper. He looked at Virgil, and Virgil felt he acknowledged him with a friendly nod. 

“Terrible business about this Hood villain, isn't it?” Wallace said, pointing to the front page headline on the holopaper. The headline read “Hood continues to lie low”.

Virgil gave a slight shudder. He didn't need reminding that the GDF had only managed to keep the Hood in prison a matter of weeks after his family had captured him aboard the Zero-X space rocket. He'd escaped but then nobody had seen him since. Kayo suspected he'd gone underground.

It was obviously a slow news day as clearly nobody had any better idea where he was than the previous week. 

“I know” Virgil replied, then quickly changing the subject, “I'd like to talk to you about your inventions though. You built a motorbike and sidecar where the sidecar turns into a plane?” 

“Oh yes. Yes, I enjoy inventing” said Wallace. Virgil was still trying to place his accent. He found Wallace very friendly and willing to talk. 

Virgil soon lost himself in conversation about inventions. He was as careful as ever not to reveal the secrets of International Rescue. He didn't even know absolutely everything about the Thunderbirds himself, preferring the mechanical elements to some of the computer technology Brains had created. 

Wallace, however, was clearly working by himself, though more than once Virgil was sure he said Gromit had solved something. He seemed particularly proud of an invention that enabled enough gravity to eat cheese and crackers in space.

Virgil thought the application of this technology might extend beyond cheese and crackers, but he was intrigued how Wallace had been to space to test this. Wallace responded that he had his own rocket that he and Gromit had built in his basement to sample the cheese on the moon.

Virgil decided that, however Wallace had tested this in space, he wasn't wanting to tell him else he wouldn't have made up such a bizarre story. He knew his own family assembled a rocket amongst other craft, but Wallace claimed to have built one from scratch in his basement. Even they had used some pre-assembled sections.

“Virgil? Virgil? Sorry to interrupt, but have you seen Bertie?” Lady Penelope was suddenly standing next to him, looking slightly alarmed but still putting her usual polish over the panic. “I thought he'd followed you when we came out to the garden.”

“Don't worry, your Ladyship” Wallace interjected. “Gromit will find … Gromit?” Wallace suddenly realised that Gromit had disappeared too.

He whistled for Gromit but he didn't return. “Oh dear. Oh dear. Groooooooommmmmmiiiiiiiiitttt? You don't think it could be the Hood do you?” 

“Mr Wallace,” Lady Penelope replied, still sounding calm even if slightly exasperated. “I’m sure there are many more reasonable explanations than a master criminal trying to steal our dogs.”

Wallace did not seem very convinced, and started shaking his hands at shoulder level as if waving in panic. 

“We will search the grounds until we find them. Both of them” Penelope declared.

“I don't think you'll have to” replied Virgil, pointing up at the sky. 

FAB1 had appeared, hovering overhead. It did several circles, some with colourful smoke blazing out the back, and some elaborate loop-the-loops before landing on a patch of grass at the edge of the exhibition area near Wallace's stand.

There in FAB1 were Gromit, Sherbet and a very worried looking Parker, somehow on the back seat.

“Bertie!” Penelope ran over to Bertie and went to scoop him up as she had done earlier, but Bertie seemed quite happy having a dialogue with Gromit expressed with eyes, movement of paws and the occasional bark. “Parker, what were you doing? You had me worried!”

“Well milady, I came to FAB1's garage for some peace and quiet and found these two with a book called H’electronics for Dogs, wiring the car to go for a drive. I thought I'd better go with them, you know, in case something went wrong.”

Lady Penelope looked at Parker incredulously. “I don't know where to start with what's wrong with that Parker. A book called Electronics for Dogs? Stealing FAB1 by hotwiring? It's 2064, not 1964! Come along Bertie” Penelope said. Sherbet gave a long look at Gromit and then followed Penelope towards the house. 

Parker was left looking very sorry for himself. “That dog always gets a better deal than me” he said, walking away hunched. 

Everybody seemed to miss the thumbs up Gromit had given Sherbet. Gromit then headed back towards Wallace.

Virgil didn’t miss that FAB1 had clearly had some electronic modifications underneath her dashboard. He’d always known Sherbet was bright, and from everything he'd seen Gromit was brighter than most of the people he'd met.

“Well Gromit, been on quite the adventure there haven’t you?” Wallace declared from behind Virgil. “Wonder if we can build something like that? Maybe not pink though.”

Virgil pretented he hadn't heard the idea. He felt Wallace and Gromit might be capable of building great technology, and he didn't think they had any malicious intent, but he hadn't seen any evidence of a Kayo in his corner to secure the inventions.

“Maybe green?” Wallace continued. “It'd look good in green I think.”

Virgil couldn’t help himself. “I’d better go Wallace, but it would look great in green.”

END

[dawndelion-winery]

Mad Scientist's PA

Part 2 to this but can be read alone

Dottore × GN! Reader

    Being Zandik's favourite person had its pros and cons. Mostly cons, you'd say, for he was very much like a cat in the sense that he was very demanding of your attention when it was convenient for him, bestowing upon you the subtlest of gestures of appreciation in turn, be it a nearly unnoticeable nod or a barely audible hum of approval.

    "Here," you huffed, dropping a small bag of cookies on the table as you took your seat beside him (he had oh so thoughtfully "helped" you apply for all the same classes as him), to which his gaze barely flickered over, his hand never ceasing the motion of scribbling on loose parchment. To an outsider's eye, it might seem like he was ignoring you, but you knew better. The fact that he had even made that subtle motion was telling enough he was acknowledging you; had it been anyone else, he'd have continued act as though they weren't there - or should they encroach on his personal space, lash out.

    You simply carried on as he did, laying out your things and beginning your own note taking until the class reached a point of discussion. As per the arrangement (decided by Zandik), he was your discussion partner.

    "I think you could afford to learn a few new recipes," Zandik grumbled as he bit into a cookie. His face was impassive, bored, with crumbs sticking around his mouth. Regardless of his complaints, he was getting through the baked goods at an alarming rate.

    "And I think you could afford to get breakfast before class," you retorted, to which he scoffed, rubbing the crumbs off his face with his sleeve and pointing at you. "Then bring me breakfast before class."

    You narrowed your eyes at him and sighed as you returned to your work, knowing full well there was no winning arguments with him. This worked well enough in your favour, since Zandik didn't take well to being disregarded. And his solution to reclaiming your attention? Activating tutor mode. Almost like flicking a switch, he scooches his chair closer to you, leaning over your shoulder for an actual discussion on the material. In times like this, you could almost forget what an overbearing slave driver he was.

    You hated to admit it, but classes were a breeze with him. As much as you'd like to attribute it to your own quick wit and understanding, you knew better than to ignore how much help you've gotten from Zandik - there were things he'd taught you that you were sure even the professor's weren't aware of. If things carried on the way they were until your graduation, you'd doubtlessly be qualified for any career you wanted. As you thought about it, Zandik prodded your cheek with his pen, asking what had you so deep in thought, and rolling his eyes as he resumed writing, pointing out how you'd missed a good few pages worth of notes.

    You scrambled to try catch up, muttering about how you were just thinking about the future. "Just wondering what I'll be once I graduate."

    "What's there to think about?" He scoffed as he slid over the notes you'd missed. "You'll be my personal assistant, just like you are now."

    You didn't quite process his words while you were rushing to catch up, but once class had ended, it finally hit you. "What do you mean? I can't just work for you my whole life."

    "Why not?" He seemed genuinely confused, as though he'd never considered your protests a possibility. "I'd pay you well."

    "To fetch things for you? Running errands like some intern?"

    "That and handling my experimental data...and my chores...and meals...oh heck, let's just call it miscellaneous tasks and more."

    If he had the social awareness to read the disgust on your face, he sure didn't show it, grinning at you without a care in the world.

"By the way, have I ever told you how much I enjoy your cooking?"

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Zandik."

    You did end up as his personal assistant. You comforted yourself by insisting it was your choice - no one paid as generously as he did!! It was the logical decision to make. Were you sent on the most random of tasks and expected to be at his beck and call 24/7? Yes, but compared to slaving away for hours each day, you only ever really needed to focus on the occasional odd job here and there. The rest of your time could be spent as you wished until his next task so long as you remained contactable. He was pretty lax like that. As odd as Zandik was, he wasn't delusional enough to believe you'd stay with him when anyone would be happy to hire you fresh out of the akademiya. Which was really what led to the working perks with him.

    "Coffee, my dear," Zandik - or rather, Dottore as he went by now - demanded without so much as raising his head, only lifting his mug and holding it out for you to fill. Begrudgingly, you dragged your feet over, bringing the coffee big with you.

    "It's four in the *yawn* morning...Za- Dottore...can we just go to bed already..." you groaned, rubbing the sleep from your eyes.

    "Of course you're free to sleep. I'll wake you when you're needed."

    Narrowing your eyes in suspicion, you set down the mug on the counter, letting him know you'd be off. Yeah, maybe don't take his word for it next time. His idea of walking you was screeching your name til you showed up.

Taglist: @myluvkeiji @aqui-soba @favonius-captain @tiredsleep @raincxtter @gensimping-for-all @irethepotato @almond-adeptus @mx-kamisato @chaosinanutshell @heizours @haliyamori @callmemeelah @sadlonelybagel @plinkuro @thevictoriousmoon @mastering-procrastinating @cxlrose @astrequa @lemonswriting @eowinthetraveler @ajaxstar @boundedbyfate @the-lost-anime-dad @moonbyunniee @greyrain23 @heavenlyfloof

Commissioned by @monstersealclubber

[osamdzai]

Good Intentions, "You're terrible at this!"

Characters: Dazai, Chuuya. Age 15.

Synopsis: Dazai tries teaching Chuuya. Chuuya doesn't exactly know colors. Dazai is definitely not a good teacher.

Genre: Fluff, comfort. Just soukoku being silly at fifteen.

Warnings: None.

Word count: 620 (short oneshot)

A/N: My personal headcanon is that Chuuya barely knew much because of the lab. Yes, the Sheep taught him. They just didn't realize the most basic things to them were unknown by Chuuya. I do think he struggled with reading and writing too. He's a quick learner though!

Dazai birthday week 2024!

Chuuya was already fifteen. He only recently got into the Port Mafia. Working alongside Dazai was a nightmare, to say the least. He learned something recently though, before leaving the Sheep. Dazai's eyes were brown. The color quickly became his favorite. After all, it was the first color he really knew of. He never learned much outside of the Sheep. Except for that day he was curious about Dazai's eyes and asked why they looked the way they did. Yuan was pretty shocked knowing about Chuuya not knowing colors. He was kicked out by the others before he could learn more.

Now, Chuuya was in the Port Mafia's library. Dazai pointing to a bunch of things telling him the color. Dazai picked up a colorful picture book from the kids section.

"Okay! Let's learn some colors!" Dazai was practically esctatic to do this. Strange, considering how he acts normally.

"Mhm." Chuuya wasn't very happy to do this. Especially with Dazai. He wished Yuan was with him, teaching him like he always did. He knew Yuan would never talk to him now, though.

Dazai and Chuuya sat next to each other as Dazai pointed at a bunch of colors and told him what they were. Chuuya didn't really understand though. There was so many colors with so many names.

"You're terrible at this!" Chuuya finally shouted.

"What?! Me? Chuuya, I'm helping you!" Of course Dazai started whining and acting shocked.

"I don't understand! There's too many colors, and too many names. You suck at this!"

"I'll focus on different colors one at a time then. Maybe your small brain will finally understand it."

"My brain isn't small!"

Dazai stood up, put the picture book back, and came back with a new one. A book that he couldn't quite read the title of properly. It looked beautiful, though. He liked this color.

"Okay, Chibi. This is a book that's all about blue. Got it? Blue." Dazai said, flipping through the pages. There were bright blues and dark blues. It was a pretty book. He liked it.

"Why are there so many different blue colors?" Chuuya asked. It just peaked his interest, seeing the different variants.

"Because of shades. Or maybe it's the value? Eh, whatever. Just know they all look similar enough." Dazai really had no idea what he was talking about. Chuuya didn't mind. He'd find out later.

Dazai lazily flipped through the book. He was pretty surprised Chuuya was actually enjoying looking at all the pages. It was one color, he thought. What's so special about it?

"Your eyes are blue." Dazai stated. He wondered if Chuuya knew that or not. Maybe he's so small even his brain is tiny.

"Are they?" Chuuya was happy about it. For some reason Dazai didn't know.

Dazai grabbed Chuuya's arm.

"Yeah, they are. I'll show you."

Dazai walked with Chuuya all the way to the hallway with a mirror standing at the end of it. They held hands as they walked, not even realizing they were. Dazai pointed at Chuuya's eyes.

"They really are blue!" Chuuya was way too excited to know about this small detail.

"Did you think I'd lie?"

"You do that a lot."

"Not true!"

Dazai spoke more about colors by the mirror. He mentioned Chuuya's hair and how it's orange and teased him for it.

Eventually, they walked to the library again. They learned about a few more colors at their seats, the blue book still out.

It was past midnight as they grew tired. They fell asleep, Chuuya's head on Dazai's shoulder. Dazai's head on Chuuya's. They slept soundly through the night.

They were found in the morning by Kouyou, who took a picture, forever capturing the moment.

Do not copy, translate, or repost my works anywhere else. I am only on Tumblr.

~osamdzai

[blackberryblueberry]

interlude: limerence, celibacy, depression

I read over a couple of past entries and felt bitter. Particularly the entries with H, where I can see him being shitty and disrespectful and manipulative, even provocatively so, and I'd maintain a thoughtful equanimity. In hindsight, I always wish I were more reactive, more angry. He treated me like he was superior to me. At least, I was able to forget about him quickly. It was much harder to forget A, who I saw a few times socially when I returned to Brooklyn, with the hope that I could create a friendship with him. (He told me early on that he wasn't sure if I'd liked him early on, and I asked him why he thought I kept dating him. He replied, "Because you wanted a friend?")

First, I saw him at an art show where he introduced me to a number of his friends. Outside the gallery I caught one of those friends tying their bandana onto his head; as soon as A saw me step outside, he hurriedly pulled the bandana off, fumbling with the knot. The friend--a really young thing, just out of college--bent down and hugged her knees. It was strange, and maybe I hoped it didn't mean what I thought it meant. After the show we all went to dinner and karaoke, and I smoked outside with another one of A's friends who told me that she'd met A on Tinder. "We're friends," she said, and then added, "I think." Inside, the young thing and A sat close together, legs touching. A couple people at the show were taking a car back to Brooklyn, and I signaled I'd like to ride home with them. I think A heard me; shortly after, he and the young thing left together. As they walked out the door my heart sank to the ground. I hadn't known these feelings were lurking in me. I probably should have: I had been thinking about A constantly. While I was traveling, I read his writing and looked at his childhood photos; I grew fonder of him even though I was trying to forget him.

Through the summer A texted me sporadically. The texts announced that he was very busy and cooped up. At no point did he say he wanted to see me, and he would ignore my invitations to see shows or films. A few times I asked if we could talk, and he'd delay. We never talked. Still, every few weeks, he texted to check in on me, to announce again that he was busy and cooped up. If I asked him what he was working on he'd answer, "Things I'd like to forget."

I was engulfed in sexual desire for A that I couldn't bear to admit to anyone. A few times I imagined, what if I just asked him for sex? What if I really got across to him that I didn't need anything from him, that I was willing to make myself as inconvenient as possible, if only he'd sleep with me? Even to get a no would be a relief. I didn't do it. To some extent I didn't want to appear desperate, although true desperation overcomes the need for appearances. It's that with even ten seconds of reflection it was clear that my desperation was far from just sexual. It was physical and emotional and social and intellectual; it was all-encompassing. Of course I wanted more from him, but I was trying to settle for less, and to lie about these terms would mean that I further wouldn't be able to manage rejection of these terms.

I described my romantically disappointing situation to a straight guy friend (a fuckboy), who told me, "They're maintenance texts. He's keeping you as an option." It was embarrassing to know that this was true and yet suffer on account of it. Every time I responded to one of A's texts, even if my response was trivial, I'd become wracked with anxiety, imagining the texts being judged or dismissed. (And I imagine they were; but confusingly, he kept me on the hook.) It didn't feel safe to say anything. All of my fantasies of us transmuting our fleeting fling into a generative and unique friendship were not coming true. Some nights I would visit the reddit page for limerence, and take comfort in others' descriptions of their their painfully intense feelings of unrequited yearning.

I began to feel that my circumstances were not only romantic in nature but also technological. The hell that I lived in--A's ability to project enticing images, to keep a version of himself alive in my thoughts and heart without needing to reveal anything or sacrifice any of his time--was critically assisted by texting and social media; and here I was medicating my anguish on the internet as well. I felt scared. I was living in a world without physics or chemistry; the slightest touch could have outsized effects on my psychic wellness, and my enormous inner drive could be effortlessly dodged by their object. And yet it bore a resemblance to the rest of my life; one where my desires were kept secret and my outward displays were either punished or misheard. I couldn't escape the feeling that I'd been rejected for not being queer or artistic enough for A, who moved on to wooing more visibly queer femmes and more successful artists and scholars. I had always felt that my hyper-sensitivity, my emotional reactivity, and my sense of isolation from the rest of the world was what made me an artist and a queer (or what made me claim these terms from the social realm as my own). I had never been to translate any of these characteristics into externally recognized sexual or artistic achievement.

Eventually, after a few weeks where A was texting more frequently than usual (but still avoided spending time with me in person), I told him I was feeling awful and that I needed to talk to him, face-to-face. I've logged that conversation here. I got the "no" that I was searching for. It didn't bring me total relief; the pain reverberated for many more months, over the course of a long winter in which the world bore witness to genocide and A and his circle of anarchist and activist artists and filmmakers organized visible responses (cultural boycotts, art builds, exhibition withdrawals) and I felt helpless and isolated and atomic and useless, with no organizing base. It became even more important to me that my life have purpose and meaning, and yet none of my previous constructions of meaning and purpose made sense to me anymore. The ways in which we made meaning, and gave people purpose, had been totally discredited. But I tried to show up in these spaces, and meet people, thinking that the answer lay in the social realm, and with other people.

[tomhardyspinkyfinger]

Freddie Gets Caught

Masterlist

Summary: Freddie promises to be loyal, but lying always tops loyalty in Freddie's world.

Warnings: PURE SMUT. literal filth. Cursing and super kinky sex all around you've been warned.

A/N: yeah i really just had this idea and needed to write it. freddie needs to be put in his place and so here is this one shot. no one look at me im so ashamed. its hot tho i wont lie lmao. also hardly edited I wrote this so quick it was like flowing out

Word count: 1885

some people I think would like this: @hecatemoon87 @solomons-finest-rum @darklydeliciousdesires @potter-solomons (also known as some of my fave pages)

I had been seeing this guy Freddie for a few weeks now.

Well, fucking. I've been fucking this guy Freddie for a few weeks.

And god did he fuck.

He all but begged me for a shag when I first met him at the bar I worked at. I declined time and time again, but he kept showing up every night. I had to give props to him for his resilience but I didn't have sex with just anyone.

So I set guidelines.

1. I don't do one night stands, we don't have to date, but there will be a mutually pleasurable relationship.

2. During this brief relationship, the only people we fuck is each other.

Two very simple guidelines, if we fuck, we fuck exclusively.

"Freddie, do you understand?" I had asked him, pulling away from his firm kiss.

"Yeah yeah yeah, c'mon take this off." Freddie rushed out, pushing the straps of my dress down and pushing me against the wall of the dark alley.

That exchange was simple enough, he agreed to my terms and I gave him what we both wanted, a proper fuck.

Freddie was a possessive man in all aspects of our relationship, if by any rare chance we were out in public together his hand remained on my ass practically the entire time, and I can't say I didn't love it.

What I didn't love, was how aggressively possessive he could be. I couldn't look at another bloke without him blowing up on me, so we usually stayed at my flat to fuck to avoid his anger flare ups. But that time alone seemed to flare Freddie's emotions towards me.

He'd call, begging to come to my flat and fuck me senseless. I just couldn't find the space in my heart to deny him. And thus, our romantic relationship began.

It wasn't healthy in any aspect, he would do a line, shout at me, I'd hit him, he'd fuck me twice as hard.

Not healthy at all. But god was it fucking sexy.

It would always end pleasantly though, a hug a kiss and a back massage usually. He'd plea with me to forgive him and I always did.

Forgiving Freddie was usually pretty easy, until I caught him, which brings us to where I am now, staring at Freddie kissing a beautiful blonde woman outside of a hair salon she had just exited. Before I could second guess myself I walked up to the happy couple with a smile on my face.

"Excuse me, do you happen to have the time?" I questioned her. If I could've taken a photo of Freddie's face in that moment I would've. He paled instantly, his eyes widening while the pretty blonde smiled back at me.

"Of course love, its half past two." She spoke looking down at her watch. I spotted the beautiful diamond ring and I could feel more anger growing if possible.

"Thank you, your ring is absolutely gorgeous by the way." I said, still not looking at Freddie and smiling at the woman. She placed her hand on Freddie's chest and let out a chuckle.

"My Freddie knows how to spoil me!" She said, rubbing his chest, flashing her ring. I tied up the conversation and walked down the street, heading towards my flat. I heard Freddie telling the woman to go on home without him because he had work to attend to. At this I picked up the pace, arriving to my flat that wasn't very far away. I heard his steps running behind me, most likely delayed so he could make sure his wife was gone. I unlocked my door quickly, swinging it open and rushing in, attempting to slam it behind me.

Freddie slammed into the door just in time and shoved it open, clearly out of breath.

"Sweetheart, listen-"

"Get the fuck out, Freddie." I growled, moving to my bedroom and tossing my purse on my dresser. He grabbed me and turned me around, distress clear on his face.

"What can I do to make you forgive me? I'll do anything." He said, desperation clear in his voice.

Anything?

"Get on your knees." I spoke, crossing my arms. He released me, confusion clear on his face.

"What?"

"You heard me, do it or get out." I said. I watched as he slowly lowered himself to his knees, looking up at me.

"Beg for my forgiveness Freddie." Freddie let out a huff and paused for a moment, really debating if he was going to do this.

"Please forgive me my love, I should have told you about Jackie. I was going to break it off with her, honest."

Yeah, sure.

I pondered for a moment.

"Take your clothes off and lay on the bed." I commanded. He let out another breath and stood, beginning to do what I asked. When he completed the task. I climbed on top of him, straddling his boxer-covered cock that was pushing into my panty covered core, given I was just wearing a summer dress.

I began to kiss up his chest to his neck, nibbling the spot I knew he loved. His eyes closed and he let out a shaky moan. I quietly reached into the nightstand to the right of me and pulled out the cuffs he had used on me in numerous situations. I pushed his hands above his head with my non-occupied hand and cuffed them quickly.

His eyes snapped open and met mine. I smirked.

"What is this? Trying to take charge are we?" Freddie asked, a sly smirk gracing his features.

"You don't get to be smug now Freddie. Just you wait." I said, pushing myself down his body so I was now leaning over his growing member. I pulled his boxers down and placed him in my mouth suddenly.

"Oh fuck, that's right sweetheart, right there." Freddie moaned out. I continued pleasuring him exactly how I liked. Until a knock sounded out on my front door. Freddie halted his movements and held his breath momentarily. I slid off the bed and stood, smiling at his frustrated expression.

"Excuse the interruption darling, I told my friend Kelly she could borrow my camera for her holiday this weekend. I'll only be a moment." I began to walk towards the bedroom door when Freddie called out.

"Do not fucking leave me here, do you fucking hear me?" He all but yelled, anger growing.

"Oh sweet Freddie, if only you were in any position to be making demands. If I'm honest I've heard quite enough from you today." Freddie watched as I reached up under my dress, pulling my soaked panties down and off. I walked up to his tied up frame and pushed the balled up panties into his mouth.

"That's much better, isn't it?" He glared at me but his cock twitched.

"Oh Freddie, you like this don't you darling?" I teased, touching his tip with my finger. He exhaled loudly from his nose and I smiled wider. I left the room, shutting the door.

I welcomed Kelly in, handing her the camera and starting a small chat.

Well, a small chat that turned into a thirty minute conversation about her upcoming holiday. I was practically squirming at the idea of Freddie tied up on my bed, anxiously awaiting my return. The conversation shifted towards me with Kelly asking,

"How's that bloke you've been seeing? Freddie?" I smiled a wicked smile.

"He's married." Kelly gasped.

"What the hell are you smiling about? Let me have a go at this bloke!" She yelled, anger clear on her face.

"Oh no don't worry, he's in the room right there cuffed to the bed with my panties in his mouth, he'll have learned his lesson by the end of the day." I spoke, knowing Freddie could hear. Kelly's jaw dropped and she laughed.

"You dirty girl! I would say you're yanking my chain, but I know you better than that. I'll be out of your hair then, but that doesn't mean you get to spare me any details!" Kelly said, heading towards the door.

"Of course not, have a great holiday!" With short and sweet goodbyes, I reentered the bedroom, where Freddie laid with his face almost as red as the tip of his cock.

"Miss me?" The glare Freddie gave sent a chill down my spine, but as of now I was in charge, and the repercussions wouldn't be a problem yet. I noticed my panties stayed in his mouth, which widen my smirk. He very easily could have spit them out if he wanted to.

I stripped off the remaining clothes I had on slowly, letting him take in my body before mounting him again. I reached into my nightstand again, retrieving a condom and rolling it on his still rock hard cock. His breathing was heavy again, and watched as I slowly eased myself down on him.

I rocked my hips back and forth and let out a moan. I placed both hands on his chest and rocked faster, smiling at how hard his knuckles were clenched in the cuffs. I rode him until we were both close, but came to a stop suddenly. Freddie let out a loud groan. I pulled my panties out of his mouth.

"Beg me to let you come, Freddie." I said, holding still with him inside of me.

"When I'm out of these cuffs, you're going to fucking get it babe." Freddie growled out, trying to move his hips. I gently smacked his face, halting his movements.

"That's not what I wanted to hear baby boy." He closed his eyes and groaned, knowing he needed to give me what I want.

"Please, please, let me come." Freddie all but whined out.

Music to my ears.

I began rocking my hips back and forth quickly, both of our moans filling the room.

"Let go Freddie." I commanded, feeling my impending orgasm. We both came together, loud moans falling from both of our mouths. I collapsed on his chest, exhausted from the event.

I reached up and uncuffed him before rolling off of him and onto my side of the bed. He put an arm around me and grabbed a cig from the nightstand, lighting up and taking a puff. He placed it in-between my lips and let me inhale before speaking.

"I deserve much worse than what you did love, I'm sorry for lying." I exhaled the smoke from my lungs.

"It doesn't matter Freddie, I would've kept fucking you regardless." I said.

What? Don't judge, I already said our relationship was unhealthy.

"Let's just go to bed Freddie, I'm beat." He nodded and I snuggled closer into him, falling asleep almost instantly

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I awoke late into the night, feeling the warmth of Freddie's arms around my legs, his face pushed into my pussy, licking away hungrily. I moaned, overjoyed with this late night wake up call. I went to put my hands in his hair and hold him in place, but my wrists were stopped by cold metal. Freddie kissed his way up my body and out from under the blankets, looking at me with a smirk.

"I couldn't just let you get away with all of that, love."

Fuck.

[m-aster-of-spinjitzu]

orange and gold

...I just need more Cole and Vania content, they seem like they'd be great friends.

Basically it's just 'Cole goes to visit her there, they almost burn down the kitchen, and make way too many puns', lol.

Set a few months after Master of the Mountain, but before Seabound or The Island.

Also yeah, I couldn't think of a better title, sue me- I just know that they wear one of the colours at some point, so... 🤦‍♀️😂

Trigger warnings: none I think? Huh-

Also, bingo!! I really need to learn better time management, dear freaking gosh- I hope I'm not too late though? I know it's like half a day late, eek- and I was supposed to post this earlier, but I ended up literally falling asleep while writing it😂

Thank you so much Fabro, for hosting such a cool event!:D Your comments on my fics literally never fail to make my day<3. And I'm so glad that I met so many awesome, really skilled people through this event too - it's been a lot of fun working alongside y'all:D, I wish I'd had more time to interact instead of posting stuff and vanishing lol, but exams be like:////

Prompt: cooking (does baking count as cooking? I realized too late lol-) from @ninjago-bingo 's warm board.

Word Count: 2497

---

Trying to escape from killer dire-bats hadn't been on Cole's to do list today - although the mountains were kind of beautiful.

It was a bit difficult to see them while he was being dragged to his death, but hey, didn't Jay always tell them to be more positive?

That was, until he made the mistake of looking down.

Miles of snowcapped mountains touched the pastel blue sky, but he was more focused on exactly how high he was from the ground.

Great.

Trying to swing back onto the Bounty, he didn't notice a golden-winged blur shoot past the bat, almost dropping their spear in haste.

"Let my friend go, or I'll-"

"Vania?"

She throws the spear at the bird, successfully knocking one of its wings.

Huh. She must've been practicing - throwing with accuracy while flying seemed kinda difficult.

"I'm so sorry!" she replies, grabbing his arm before he fell down too. She winces at the strain on her wings, almost dropping him onto the deck. "I was supposed to come earlier, but there was an issue with one of the mines, and it took forever to-"

"There ain't anything in this world that's managed to kill me yet," he replies jokingly, checking that the autopilot hadn't been damaged. "I doubt an angry bird is going to be the first."

"Didn't you mention that you became a ghost once? Pretty sure that means you were dead-"

"Shh, that's not an important detail," he jokes.

"If you say so," she replies with a grin. "Did I mention that Chompy's been tearing down the palace flower arrangements again?"

"Send my regards to the gardener-"

"Did you just make a pun?"

"Remind me why I decided to visit you again?"

"Because you love me?" she asks stepping onto the ground as the Bounty landed gently.

"I hereby crown you as my platonic soulmate," Cole deadpans, taking her hand. "Vania and Cole-"

"Destined to annoy each other for eternity," she giggles, swinging their hands up and down. "But seriously - thanks. I don't think I realized how much work being a queen was."

"What's it like?"

"I mean - I'm glad that people trust me, and they come to me if they have a problem, but the paperwork is a nightmare. I never get to go outside anymore, I swear."

"Paperwork? Also, you just invited me here for a week. I don't wanna disturb you?"

"Nah, I cleared my schedule, don't worry. And trust me, you don't want to know. Everything requires some sort of official written thing, and it's so boring-"

"Official? But you're the queen?"

"Well, yeah, but I don't really want to change something unless it benefits the people. Not after..."

Her smile dims, eyes straying to the palace walls.

Oh- oh.

"You're nothing like him," Cole says firmly, squeezing her hand. "I mean, if you need to take a break, or you can make your job a bit easier by cutting out something unnecessary, that's just gonna help you become a better queen. You've definitely got the interests of your people at heart, and that's the most important thing, you know? And well, uh, everything seems to be going great so far - you don't have to beat yourself up over someone else's mistakes."

"Thanks," she replies softly, her smile slowly returning. "Speaking of breaks, what do you think we should do this time?"

"You could show me around the city again?"

"You've already seen everything cool," Vania giggles, skipping ahead of him. "We don't renovate much - unlike you guys-"

"Hey, it's not our fault that our city gets destroyed every few months-"

"More like every few days," she teases, tying back her golden hair. "How about we find some dragons to adopt?"

"Tempting, but where would you keep them?"

"They could sleep in my room-"

She breaks off when she notices him laughing. "What?"

"N- nothing," Cole replies, in between laughs. "Jay and I just made a bet."

"On what?"

"How many dragons you've adopted. I bet at least six, he bet fifteen."

"Well, jokes on both of you - I'm pretty sure my advisor's going to throw a fit if I show up with another one," she starts, giggling. "We've got twenty living in the palace right now."

"Twenty dragons?"

"They're so cute! You just look into their adorable little eyes," Vania pauses for breath, continuing her animated gesturing, "and you can't help but wanna hug them!"

"Oh, Jay's going to be so mad."

"Aww, I'm sorry guys. They're just too adorable!"

"...Wanna hear a funny story?"

"Yeah, sure!"

"I actually used to be terrified of dragons-"

"No way!" Vania exclaims. "Y'all have been on a lot of adventures though, so-"

"Nah, we used to have our own dragons at first. They were pretty cool! I just- I'm a simple guy! Huge animals with wings are scary up close when you're barely a teenager."

"Or when you're really short-"

"We're the same height!" Cole exclaims, facepalming in a bit of a fondly exasperated way.

"I'm two years younger than you-"

---

"Ugh, whose idea was this?"

"Yours," Vania grins, sitting down on the kitchen counter.

"You were supposed to help me, not leave me high and dry!" Cole accuses jokingly, staring at all the appliances they'd found in the cupboards.

"'One must always be prepared for new adventures,'" she quotes seamlessly, waving one of- what was his name again? Mulch something? Oh! Clutch! Some explorer he was, leaving them to die in the pyramid - Clutch Powers' books in the air.

"Fine," he sighs, staring at the old recipe book she'd found in one of their back cupboards. "But you've gotta help me? I almost burned down-" "Woah, what? If you finish that sentence with 'kitchen'-" "In my defense, Kai was playing a prank on me-" "In my defense, I wouldn't like to explain how the queen of Shintaro burnt down the palace by teaching one of her friends to cook," she grins, flipping through the pages. "What do you wanna start with?" "Something simple?" "Have you ever tried baking bread before? It's a lot of fun!" "I haven't really had the time, but that sounds kinda interesting."

He skims the recipe, raising his eyebrows. "Wait, why does this take hours? I thought you said it was simple?"

"Trust me, it is," she laughs, adding, "besides, I still wanna hear about all your adventures!" "Uh... okay," Cole replies hesitantly, "but if this fails, I'm so sorry." "Give yourself some credit, you guys literally saved the world! Multiple times!" "Bold of y'all to assume we know how we did it," he laughs, only half-kidding. "Besides. I botched soup once."

"I've botched toast," she mock-sighs, smiling. "Pretty sure that makes us even."

"Lemme get this straight. You've messed up toasting bread, but you can bake it from scratch?"

"Trust me, I don't know either," she giggles, trying to open a brightly coloured packet of... something? Did flour come in packets that small?

"Uh, why are you opening something called 'feast'?" he asks, eyebrows creased in confusion.

"Feast," she echoes, trying to stifle her laughter. "Off to a... rocky start, aren't we?"

It took him a second.

"I already regret this," he jokes, facepalming. "But I'd say that your puns are, uh, gold."

"I've un- unleashed-" breaking off, she half-falls off the counter, laughing so hard her face starts to go red, "a monster."

---

"Uh, is it supposed to look like that?" Cole asks, frowning.

The mixture looked less like the dough he'd been expecting - more like one of Jay's inventions gone wrong.

Badly wrong, he thought, eyes widening at the goopy mess of foam that threatened to spill over the jug.

"The yeast?" Vania echoes, poking her head out of one of the cupboards. "Yeah, all good! It always looks a little gross, and you're gonna doubt ever eating bread again, but at least it doesn't taste like it's fermented-"

"It's what?"

"Yeah," she grimaces, exaggerating her disgust a bit. "If aliens ever fell from the sky, they'd think we were crazy for eating bread-"

"Aliens? I think we're a bit crazy!" Cole exclaims, trying not to laugh.

Vania smiles, then sighs, lugging a huge bag of flour onto the counter. "I can never open these bags properly," she starts, eyeing the the bag a bit warily, "and it always makes such a huge mess all over the kitchen. You'd think they'd make it easier for people to use, right? I swear-"

He jokingly puts his hands over his ears. "I can't hear you!" "But you know that I've sworn off swearing-" she replies, breaking off with a laugh. "Pun not intended - that actually made sense in my head. I swear!"

"No," Cole interjects with a grin, shaking his head. "You don't, remember?"

"See, this is why we're friends-"

"Friends? Is that all I am to you?"

"Oh, be quiet," she shoots back, exaggeratedly dragging a hand down her face. "I mean, sure, just because everyone thinks that we're dating doesn't mean that we-"

Wait. What?

"People think that we're dating?" he asks, clamping a hand over his mouth in a poor attempt to muffle his laughter. "I- I- really?"

"I know, right?"

"Even my friends thought so at first," he confesses, dragging a hand down his face. "I mean, as much as I love you-"

"I love you too," Vania replies, completely seriously. "Even if you'll always be more like an annoying-"

"Hey-"

"Sibling to me than anything else," she finishes, grabbing a pair of scissors. Cole watches, a little alarmed, as she stabs them into the flour bag over and over.

"Is it... supposed to be this difficult to just open the bag? Seems kinda stupid-"

"Well, er, they have this piece of paper with glue that you're supposed to pull away from the rest of the bag, but it never works properly and I-"

"Well, we could always make our own flour," Cole interjects, laughing. "I mean, I've got a scythe? Let's go!"

"Uh, but we don't have wheat growing here. I don't think it'd suit the climate very well?"

"Wheat a shame," Cole sighs jokingly, measuring out the flour (which had, finally, escaped the bag).

"Oh my gosh," Vania deadpans, "you did not just-"

"Yep, I did."

"You're horrible," she giggles, "then again, I was the one who started this whole debacle, so I think we'll share the blame."

"Debacle? Where'd you pick that one up from? Sounds kinda cool-"

"Oh, it's from a book someone wrote about you guys," Vania says casually, pouring a cup of water into the bowl.

"Hey, uh-" Cole starts hesitantly, twisting his fingers back and forth, then breaks off. "Why'd you read all that stuff about us, anyways? Adventure books don't really seem like something you read a lot, since we have similar favorite books. I mean..."

"Well, um..." Vania trails off, clearly uncomfortable. "Uh- I guess, well, it sounds kinda stupid, but I'd never really met anyone my age who wasn't a royal or something. I... er, I didn't want to be left out, you know?"

Cole thinks back to a scroll; a quest, a sacrifice. One that his friends never seemed to really notice, unless it was with horror or flinches. Not that he blamed them, but - joking about how he was much more useful to the team when he was freaking dead than he was before he'd stumbled and fell in the temple?

That had been a bit far, even for his best friend. Locks could always be picked or something, he didn't need to be a ghost to provide some sort of value-

Well, that's not completely true, is it? a small voice questions, and he can't keep his hands from shaking a little.

"Jay here thinks you're the least valuable ninja."

Not enough to be a performer. Now, not good enough to even be a ninja, apparently.

Well, he reminds himself firmly, you don't have to be the best - just stand up to those who are cruel and unjust.

Nothing but a scar that glowed warm orange occasionally left of the whole Cursed Realm ordeal, sometimes it was all too easy to forget - or pretend - that it had never even happened in the first place.

Other times, like when he'd dropped a glass of water on the floor and his hands hadn't stopped shaking for hours, or when he woke up screaming, expecting to fall through his bed again, it still felt like he was trapped as a ghost. Literally - and maybe a little figuratively as well.

Yeah. Yeah, I know.

"Thanks for trusting me with that," he replies softly. "And I'm sorry. That sounds... horrible, but, honestly, you're a pretty cool person, and I ain't just saying that because we're friends. People can be awful, and they can- they can leave, but you don't need to pretend to be someone you're not for people to accept you. I kinda know what it's like, and it's... just, uh, not great."

"No, thank you," Vania says, rubbing her eyes. "You're pretty cool, too. And I'm glad that we become friends, even if wasn't in the- the, er, greatest circumstances."

"Right back at ya. The fall was pretty terrifying, though," Cole says casually, as if memories of that nightmarish plunge into the depths of earth don't still send shivers down his spine.

"No, definitely! I was so sure we were gonna splat onto the ground or something, thank gosh we didn't."

"Yeah..." Cole trails off, reading the recipe they'd been following. "Oh- do we just leave the bowl somewhere for a few hours now?"

"Oh, yeah," Vania answers. "Other than clean up the kitchen, what else do you wanna do?"

"That's kind of you, but, ah, I don't mind. You can choose something."

"I don't mind either," she replies, covering the bowl with a dishcloth. "Seriously, I don't."

"Same here though."

"Really, I don't mind-" Vania breaks off with a laugh, adding, "Well, actually, there is something."

She doesn't elaborate, thoughtfully gazing out the window.

"Well, what is it? Don't keep me in the dark."

"Ugh, it's kinda stupid-"

"I'm sure that it's not- well, unless you want to try to jump off a flying ship with a homemade parachute to prove a bet to someone-"

"Do I even wanna know?"

"...uh, probably not. We're way too crazy sometimes, our Master has a hard time keeping us in check. Your thing, though?"

"Can I give you a hug?"

Cole blinks for a second, expecting some sort of punchline.

"That's your thing?"

"Well, yeah- I mean, I said it was kinda stupid-"

"No no, that's not what I meant. You're so sweet - that's all."

"Well, not more than you-"

"Nah, you're sweeter-"

"Let's just call it a tie," Vania says with a smile, reaching over to give her friend a hug. "Thank you so much, I swear- well, no, I don't, but you know, anyways-"

"Yeah," Cole replies, laughing softly. "I know."

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: 🥱🥱 Jimmy: Afternoon Janis: Piss off Janis: it's the crack of dawn Janis: bet the boy ain't even woke up yet to 👀 the decs Jimmy: it's a lie in for me Janis: before you handicapped me, I was getting up pretty early too 🐕🏃 Jimmy: @ Helena and her 💊s Jimmy: that there's the handicap Janis: her back ain't that bad Janis: anyway 💊s aren't gonna make me jolly Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: what do you need, baby? Janis: 😏 Janis: Is that any way for an elf to talk? Jimmy: depends what you 🖋 in your letter to 🎅 Jimmy: might be dead on Janis: You reckon that's top of my list? Jimmy: know what you're like with 👴💕 Janis: 🥇 or nowt Janis: makes Lucas look 🥉 for sure Jimmy: writing lines in detention ain't gonna come close Janis: Only just started this holiday Janis: you need cheering up too 🌧 Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: ☀️ Janis: not much chance of that today ☃️ Jimmy: you not coming then? Janis: You really are on form this AM Janis: very quotable Jimmy: won't be long til 💀👑's getting out her 🛁 of 🩸 for a new day of torture Jimmy: have to sleep when we're ⚰ Janis: grind never sleeps 💪 Janis: so glad she only has 😍 for one 👴 though Jimmy: they've had years to perfect that roleplay Jimmy: must be 🥇 Janis: 🤢🤢 nah Janis: not gonna be able to face breakfast now Janis: 💔 that's why she can't either, awh Jimmy: stop finding common ground, it's 💔 me Janis: Baby Janis: sure if you asked really nicely, they'd let you work a double shift Jimmy: funny Janis: You walked right into that one Jimmy: there'd be nowt 💔😭🎻 for me about walking our kid to you and pissing off to work if you want some alone time with your real boyfriend 🎅 Janis: yeah right Janis: be all good until he starts 💔😭🎻 and I'd have to come find you Jimmy: I get it, you're off the 🎪🤹🤡 clock Janis: just don't reckon I know enough sign language to win him over Jimmy: reckon you could leave it to 🎅 Jimmy: seems like he'd be a traditional kind of #lad, chuffed for you to be 🤐 and just bake the mince pies Janis: 🤤 what can't he do Jimmy: probably wouldn't have got 💀👑's cooking down him any easier than we did Janis: I didn't mind the excuse to go to the bathroom Jimmy: SUCH a 💊head, you Janis: 🙄 Janis: don't judge me, babes Jimmy: just her decor Jimmy: best that bathroom's ever gonna have looked with your giant head blocking out them ugly tiles Janis: should've dashed yours into 'em Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: gutted we didn't get to sleepover Janis: would've had plenty of time to redecorate 🩸 Jimmy: hang on, I'll set one up Jimmy: liven up the group chat Janis: 😂 Janis: you are SUCH a peacekeeper it's SOOOOOOOOOOO cute I can't 😻 Janis: run out of sleeps before 🎅 pays 'em all a visit Jimmy: 💰 on Asia getting into a #scandal thinking if she rubs the coal he gave her on her face she'll have a charcoal face mask ready to go Janis: Can't wait to #cancel her for good Jimmy: just better not have the sleepover here, that kind of casual racism could have her in the running for my new step ma Janis: imagine the unfortunate children Janis: massive heads and bigger teeth Janis: christ Jimmy: don't Jimmy: I'm basically illiterate, they'd be thick as shit Janis: the work would truly NEVER end Janis: you leave her in charge of 'em... 🍄💉🧱🧨🪓🔥 Jimmy: however many 👶 they churned out, she's one more on top of Janis: can't let that happen to you Jimmy: but near worth it for the #goals 👰🤵 pics obvs Janis: you wouldn't even be the cutest page boy Janis: tragic 💔 Jimmy: long as you keep faking your 😍 mate, don't matter Janis: I think I'll manage Janis: 🏆 at stake Jimmy: gotta take at least one job seriously, I'm doing your other Janis: 1. stop any time and let me 2. and your sister when you can't be arsed Jimmy: my sister when I've gotta be audience to your gingerbread masterpiece, more like Jimmy: can't have you going without 👏 Janis: don't throw down the gauntlet if you don't want me to show you how it's done Jimmy: when a lass begs me for a challenge, she gets one Jimmy: just that dickhead Janis: If I was gonna beg, you'd know about it Jimmy: you did and I did Jimmy: stop flirting with me, I've got a kid to shake away Jimmy: *awake Janis: yeah piss off and be useful Janis: 👋 in a few Jimmy: you got that hint then? Know what your room reading skills are like Janis: 'course you do Janis: got to have something to aspire to Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt don't mean cracking on with the second bit, case you need that spelling out an' all Janis: you're the one that's thick Janis: in your own words, spellchecked, I assume Jimmy: and I've still got better social skills, Julie 💔 for you Janis: if I got paid by the hour, I might bother as well 😘 Jimmy: Oi that's a point Jimmy: never left a tip in my jar, you Janis: you mean the one time I came in? Jimmy: you'd have preferred some festive bollocks off the menu, yeah? Jimmy: I'll sort that for next time 🤶 Janis: maybe I preferred another barista boy, and I know how tip jars work, make you share it out all equally 👎 Jimmy: alright but do you know how pockets work? I've got a few of them to slip 💰 in Jimmy: you can have that tip to slide into your new boyfriend's DMs with 😘 Janis: you aren't strippers Janis: if you want to go the hooter route, you're gonna need to make those aprons shorter Jimmy: there's a few 👴👵 who ain't had that memo Jimmy: I'll @ my manager with your 🥇💡 though, see if he'll get it done for this afternoon shift Janis: you're welcome Janis: you'll be cold but swimming in 💰 so who cares Jimmy: northerns don't feel the cold, bit like strippers Jimmy: *northerners Janis: you didn't totally wimp out on the school trip Janis: or the park Jimmy: 💪🏆 me Jimmy: Ian'll be dead proud Janis: yeah Janis: shame about the complexion Janis: leave it out and you can brag and bond Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: heartwarming Jimmy: hang on, this'll have you 💀💀💀 inside again Jimmy: [Bobby's reaction vid to these decs] Janis: Awh Janis: bless him Jimmy: we did alright Janis: you happy too? Janis: no video needed Jimmy: [a pic like 😁👍] Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Janis: 👌 honey Janis: does look good Jimmy: he's doing a letter to say tah to Santa, might need you to spellcheck it for us Janis: He's well cute Janis: doubt I'll get mine to do it but her penmanship is shite so he'll look 🥇 in comparison Jimmy: wait til he 👀s mine Jimmy: I'll have to tell him it ain't just a squiggle but actually says tah for the missus and that, mate Janis: 🎅💔 Jimmy: *🎅🥊 Janis: 😂 Janis: long as the kids are distracted by the shit gifts they'll get Jimmy: do you want your shit 🎨🎁 now or in a bit? Janis: give it to me when they get theirs or I'll 🥺 Janis: love ruining christmas, me Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Jimmy: 🥇🎄 work Janis: don't forget the gingerbread house Janis: as I crave that 👏 Jimmy: I'll knock you up a tinfoil 🏆 to go with your 👑 Janis: what you gonna cover your no carb low fat tofurkey with?!!!!? 😱😱😱 Jimmy: you're more important, girl Janis: taste better, is the honest truth Janis: don't need to be a 🧛 to know Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: I'll stick that in the group chat Janis: you can say it but they're not gonna find out for themselves Jimmy: as constructive criticism goes it ain't bad but no need to take it as an instruction, lasses Janis: 🤢🤢 Janis: stop making me feel ill Janis: I've got to go break the ✨ surprise and get all the 🏆👑 Jimmy: piss off then Janis: TTFN Jimmy: 💕 Janis: [actually skip forward now] Janis: where do you wanna meet? we're ready Jimmy: We'll walk over, get the intros out the way before 🎅 can stick his oar in Janis: 👍 Janis: she's pretty good at pronunciation for a kid but you might have to step in if she gets too chatty Jimmy: keep her on the nice list, I get it Janis: Don't worry, she's not a dick like my sister or anything Jimmy: I weren't Jimmy: you wouldn't have invited her if she were owt like Gracie Janis: Good Janis: we'll be outside ☃️☃️ Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not got any 🚬🕶 going so can't make it in your likeness this time soz Jimmy: long as you get the 👂 and eyebrows sorted you can still tag me Janis: 🪒 Jimmy: 😍 Janis: you deserve a treat too, like Jimmy: I'm just pleased to see you, soz Jimmy: 🚫🔪🔨🔧🪓 Janis: don't worry, santa is coming through for me later Janis: 🤞 for ☣️ Janis: 🥴🤤🤮💀👻 Jimmy: 💰 on your man having a flask of socially acceptable poison Janis: yeah, give him the rosy red cheeks that complete the lewk Janis: nose that looks like a 🍓 Jimmy: that there's the only treat I need 🤤 Janis: 😂 Jimmy: [show up so these bubs can meet and start a lifelong friendship] Janis: [Libi just like bonjour, what are you going to ask Santa for, I'm gonna ask for this and this] Jimmy: [we know Bobby wants art supplies and a camera and we know why lol cue an eye roll from Jimothy as if he isn't buzzing to be loved] Janis: [no pretending that's not adorable, like, just like WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR CRAYON] Jimmy: [okay but imagine him taking a crayon from behind his ear where jimothy keeps 🚬] Janis: [imagine, Janis just 😏 above their heads like not encouraging bad habits or nothing] Jimmy: [jimmy just looking to see if it's black like his soul or blood red and tutting when it obvs isn't either of those] Janis: [shakes head like what have you been teaching him tbh, Libi saying hers is that bluey silver colour like her mum's hair and we oop] Jimmy: [Bobby just like I don't have a mum anymore cos kids don't give a fuck and Jimmy just like so glad I get to sign this] Janis: [just literally like gurl same! 'cos neither of you can tell a child to shut the fuck up lmao 'my mummy and daddy are dead, what happened to your mum?'] Jimmy: [Bobby just like 'she went away' because we truly know not] Janis: [just like fantastic, so glad we came, bet he's thrilled he invited us now, 'cos we're not even looking, just walking in total silence, meanwhile Libi like oh okay 'If she comes back, I can see her' and then moving on chatting about our dog and what we're getting her for Christmas] Jimmy: [Bobby just like 'my dad's about but you wouldn't want to meet him' and doing an impression of Ian's angry face and then telling her all about Twix because dogs 5ever, making Jimothy give him his phone to show Libi pics of this pup] Janis: ['my granddad could fight him' when you're like Libi shh that's not nice but at least that is amusing as a prospect, also clearly doing a phone swap 'cos you'd have that Killer queen content on yours, Libi being like 'Janis knows loads about dogs and has taught her loads of tricks because she used to be a naughty girl and wee everywhere and eat everyone's shoes' and loling] Jimmy: [Bobby just dangerously close to outting Jimmy's secrets by telling her that he fights Ian sometimes so casual so nbd and then telling her about how Cass did that dog walk the other day and going on and on about how naughty Twix is and all the things she's done] Janis: [JJ y'all gotta pick them up and run so you can shove breakfast in their gobs like nooooooooo 'you're so lucky you've got a brother AND a sister, even though your brother's old too' looking at Jimmy and shaking her head in disdain because that's the age of her aunties and stuff and kids have no concept of age they treat you like you're ancient but at least that's a joke we've had so Janis managing to look at Jimmy like lol, she knows your secret] Jimmy: [the most half hearted 😏 but we're a bit more amused when Bobby starts dragging Cass by doing an impression of how angry she is and stomping about etc as if she's worse than Ian] Janis: [she's cackling in that way babby's do 'you're funny, you're my new friend'] Jimmy: [Bobby is buzzing and we're using Jimothy's phone to have a selfie sesh but also take artsy pics of our new bff as we go along] Janis: [run along you innocent children, like you've not just revealed so much, god bless] Jimmy: [JJ just awkwardly af walking in silence now thanks kids] Janis: [going to apologize like several times but you can't even, where would you begin lmao, pretend it's chill] Jimmy: [chuck some snow at her or like shake a tree branch full of it onto her or something, any distraction will do] Janis: [fall into the safety of that] Jimmy: [if nothing else he's good at that when things are awkward] Janis: [likewise, when we sit down for this breakfast, you can do all the posting thus far] Jimmy: [cheers to the fans for that distraction, meanwhile Jimmy and Bobby can teach Libi some easy signing since we're BFFs and gonna be seeing more of you undoubtedly baby hen] Janis: [lucky for you gal, perks of being but a child, she'd love that 'cos mini nerd and she'll be able to pick it up as most nurseries now do makaton so it's a way into learning it] Jimmy: [at least the bubs are having a lovely time until Santa breaks Bobby's heart by not knowing any] Janis: [truly, a day of drama and stress when you're just trying to do something nice, if that don't sum up xmas] Jimmy: [the tea honey, at least that'll be easy to smooth over like the people I work with are dickheads as well boy, that ain't the real Santa's fault] Janis: [it happens a lot 'cos the shopping centre ones freak kids out rightly so, Libi just blowing raspberries at him like understand this loser 'cos we're a baby bad bitch] Jimmy: [I stan Libi and the way she'll protect him and make him less shy, cos you know we're doing it too after she has and didn't get shouted at lol] Janis: [you've got your prezzies kids, fuck him up, just tugging on Jimmy's sleeve and loudly being like 'What's sign for poopoo head?' 'cos the age hen] Jimmy: [obvs we're showing her and we're not sorry, Jimothy is a bad bitch too okay] Janis: [we're just calling everyone a poopoo head all day now, which I imagine is quite visually obvious because the swears etc usually are] Jimmy: [that has cheered everyone greatly thanks Libi] Janis: [you are a funny egg, at least, hence we can't be mad at you/ignore you because what is that achieving, 'tis not your fault Edie is dead luv] Jimmy: [and Edie wouldn't want that like you can be anti Ruster having her because she wouldn't want that obvs] Janis: [make that the hill and we lowkey ignore everyone else rn, at least in comparison to how everything was before, so it's fine lol, think we are gonna get y'all presents that don't suck and I think you should get pups and name them] Jimmy: [keeping them forever, you cannot destroy them Twix or Killer thank you] Janis: [keep 'em safe, lads, I think you should call yours Star, 'cos huskies are that silvery grey colour too and the names work well together because obviously your dogs are BFFs too] Jimmy: [aw Snow & Star 4ever] Janis: [making Janis make the dogs do little tricks for y'all and then cackling again when she makes 'em poo on Libi's head] Jimmy: [love this so much, also can't forget Jimmy giving Janis the 🎨 which can be when the bubs have their real 🎁 cos fuck you Santa] Janis: [we know she genuinely appreciates them honey, we're always excited to see what he's done] Jimmy: [god knows because he blatantly did it last night after she left/early this morning even before this convo started because never sleep well so] Janis: [you know Libi is gonna be all over that hun like SHOW ME and then being like draw me draw me to Jimmy and Bobby] Jimmy: [they shall honey because we love an art sesh] Janis: [the confidence of a child, just posing here with the dogs] Jimmy: [never change gal never lose it] Janis: [we're clearly making Janis too, then shouting out increasingly complicated things, like, make the dogs pull us on a sleigh, make us flying, like gal, your dreams lol] Jimmy: [Jimothy will never back down from a challenge, he's got you bub] Janis: [don't stress out poor Bobby though, at least you not a rude ass bitch so you wouldn't shade his attempt] Jimmy: [it'd be a cute attempt, BFF status cemented] Janis: [can put up these pics for extra cuteness, hoes will DIE] Jimmy: [I wish we actually had some but alas] Janis: [never be as good as our imagination anyway] Jimmy: [true, is there anything else we wanna have them do before he has to go back to work?] Jimmy: [could go to the park maybe because it's right by his house and thus mcvickers] Janis: [that's a good way to end this day for you kiddos, could also get the dogs which would make them lowkey hysterical with happiness so pop off] Jimmy: [love that cos we know Cass has probably walked the other dogs while they've been out for that cash so no time to take Twix] Janis: [live ya life, get ya things, but now you gotta go to work and we gotta] Janis: Thanks for today, reckon they both enjoyed themselves 👍✔ Jimmy: you're alright, were going any road and I reckon he had a better time with her about Janis: they were cute Janis: and she lives at my nan and granddads so if he wants to hang more, easy done Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: Yeah Janis: well she doesn't always talk about her dead mum and dad so it shouldn't be a big thing Janis: sorry Jimmy: it weren't a big thing to him Jimmy: nowt for you to be sorry for Janis: It weirds plenty of kids out Janis: I could've warned you, I guess Jimmy: loads of kids reckon he's weird Jimmy: Asia's sister included Janis: some front when you look like your ma fucked a cheese grater Jimmy: her dad weren't at the nativity, might be 'cause he were stuck in a drawer, yeah Janis: dunno if she's got one any more Janis: 💀👑 flex Jimmy: what, like she fucked and ate him? Janis: 🐰🥕 Jimmy: #fated Janis: 💔 they didn't think so Jimmy: 💔 I can't change the station to Classic FM for them 🎻s Janis: Perils of 🎅🎄🎁☃️ Jimmy: ❌🎅 that shithead's 💀💀💀 to us Janis: yeah Janis: and his tunes are shit Jimmy: don't even care how fit that 🍓 were looking Jimmy: SO over him and his 👃 babes Janis: better off without him Janis: you can do SO much better Jimmy: 🖋 us a joke about him being a ho ho HOE Janis: I'll hit up the group chat Janis: their level of humour Jimmy: 🥇💡 Janis: and one of them has always just been dumped so they'll comiserate with you Jimmy: tah huns Janis: nothing if not the BEST friends to have Jimmy: DUH! Only time I'll accept 🥈 Janis: charming that is 😏 Jimmy: I get it 🎅 were a right let down, you need some 💕 Janis: just a bit rude that you're so gracious with them Jimmy: Baby Janis: Such a pisstake Jimmy: their BFF status, yeah Janis: you Jimmy: why me? Janis: you just are Jimmy: you can take it Janis: true Jimmy: I know, that'll be why I said it Janis: we're alright, yeah? Janis: I don't think shit needs to be weird just 'cos 2 kids have got no filter Jimmy: don't it feel like we're alright to you? Janis: it was a bit awkward Janis: but I'm over it if you are Jimmy: nowt to be over from where I'm serving overpriced ☕ Jimmy: just the unpaid translator earlier, me, none of my business what they were going on about Jimmy: if you wanna tell me something, up to you, that Janis: alright Janis: works for me Jimmy: she's world class at signing, won't need me after a bit, any road Janis: bit of a third-wheel Janis: cramp his style with your 🤓 Jimmy: *😎 Jimmy: but alright 🖍 are cooler than 🚬 give him that Janis: gonna usurp you in every way, for sure Jimmy: go on then, what's your fave colour 🖍 ? Janis: the important questions Janis: don't know why it's taken you so long Jimmy: tell me Jimmy: edge of the seat I ain't allowed to put my arse near til my next break Janis: 🎻😞 Janis: goldenrod or inchworm obvs Jimmy: gonna do your next 🎨 in them so 🤞 you took it serious Janis: it's 💛💚 so I'm gonna look like a keylime pie Jimmy: never said I were drawing you, bighead Janis: you will be though Jimmy: not gonna now for the sake of Janis: 1. I know you're tired, grumpy 2. How will they know it's goals??? Jimmy: 1. Bollocks 2. everything I touch turns to #goals, nowt I could do wrong Janis: 1. s'fair, you've been an unpaid translator, an artiste, santa and now barista boy who can't sit down 2. alright, if you want to add Midas to the CV but might be a bit much Jimmy: now I've got your permission I'll draw some eyes on 😎 and grab a quick kip 👍 tah for that, Jillian Jimmy: ❌ that off the CV though, noted Janis: it's fair but life and working a minimum wage job for your living ain't Janis: keep 💭 though and I'll let you focus on it and the overpriced ☕ Jimmy: where's your focus going? Janis: need to get another minimum wage job I can do sitting down so you don't take it over/ban me Jimmy: you were hopping round less today, that just for the kid's benefit or were you 💭 about keeping me out of pocket with a full recovery, like? Janis: 💭 about keeping you out the loop and pretending it's permanent Janis: have you munchausened me or am I munchausening you Janis: real question #2 Jimmy: well done on telling me that plan then Janis: Yeah, you know Janis: when you've pissed off who's gonna carry me about Jimmy: 🎅 Jimmy: you're heavy but not sack of 🎁 heavy Janis: true Janis: he's 💪 Janis: oh well, problem sorted then 👋 Jimmy: Lucas is a poor man's version an' all he'd be alright for a few lifts Jimmy: I'll race back for the funeral, obvs Janis: don't Janis: he actually offered me a lift once after a match and it was very awkward Janis: definitely not meant to do that, but he's a maverick, you know Jimmy: did you offer to take a lit match to his car or what? Janis: I'm not as witty as Libi Janis: but I did get detention for a week, which is funny as, like what you saying for? 'cos I didn't wanna get sexually assaulted and dumped in a ditch? Janis: 💩💩🧠 Jimmy: Stockholm syndrome only works for dickheads like me on dickheads like you 💔 for him Janis: 'scuse me? Jimmy: can't ⛓ you to a desk nowhere but in his dreams Jimmy: could've childlocked you into his motor but his lack of 🥇🗨 pissed on that Janis: If there was anything in his plan for me, might've worked Janis: but I'm not arsed about straight As Janis: 🤞 he tried Mia next Jimmy: she does look like she just crawled out a ditch Jimmy: dunno if we can score him any credit for that though Janis: just the #aesthetic babes Janis: try and look a bit buzzing when they come in, 'cos they will Janis: no need to 💔 them about 🎅 when you can act like it was the best time ever Jimmy: 😒 just my face, nowt personal, Mia Janis: NOT pleased to see her 🔧🔨🧨🪓🔪 Jimmy: I'll fake it if she fakes not being a Scrooge Janis: no need to go that far Jimmy: if you can't be a slag for tips at christmas, when can you, eh? Janis: 🙄😏 Jimmy: Oi, dead serious question, that Janis: I don't do your schedule Janis: though maybe I'll pop a CV in Janis: better or worse than step-mum nightmares? 🤔 Jimmy: Depends Janis: on? Jimmy: you gonna leave the ☕🎨 to me or are we making 🎄🍆 happen? Janis: 1. the #goals answer is the cup ain't big enough to do it justice, alright 2. if you were as good a teacher as Lucas, I might be better but most importantly 3. gonna be your manager, I'll never be there let alone ever make ☕s Jimmy: got it all figured out, you Jimmy: be piss easy for you to answer my next dead serious question Janis: yeah, aside for my total lack of experience for the role, well in Janis: so go on Jimmy: I were just thinking are we too 👰💍🤵? 👵💕👴 ain't #goals unless we're chatting my personal Janis: too domestic, you mean? Jimmy: we've done 👶🐕 if there ain't a christmas eve eve party I'll lose the 🤏 of faith I had in paddy teen humanity Janis: there's always parties Janis: it probably is time to hit another one up Jimmy: nowt to do with Ian clocking off for 🎄 and TOTALLY to do with me being chuffed to bits to give the fans what they're after Janis: 🙌 Janis: worth celebrating, I get it Jimmy: 🍾 Janis: as much as it pains me, I can't say I can't make it Janis: so sure, put in an appearance Jimmy: I get it 💔 you can't dance Jimmy: 🦶🎻🎻 Janis: at least I have an excuse Jimmy: me an' all, it's being a white northern lad Janis: 😂 Janis: I meant an excuse not to be ground on by randomers but yeah Jimmy: still works Janis: 💔💔 Jimmy: don't worry, I'll do my 😭 for pity tips, nowt you need to see Janis: if you're going that kind of party Janis: don't need to invite me Jimmy: I'll tell Doris to chuck her cardi on 💕 she'll love a bit of that Janis: unsurprised Janis: dirty bitch Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: green is right Janis: ha Janis: obviously Jimmy: whatever party we're going to, I will need a slaggy 🤶 ootd Janis: Penneys will have one you can pick up Jimmy: owt you want? Janis: not a fake beard Janis: ❌🎅 Jimmy: already got one of them in me Janis: fuck off Jimmy: in a bit then, Ellen Janis: you aren't funny Jimmy: still working on the 🤹 me Jimmy: ☕☕☕☕☕ Janis: keep at it Jimmy: they're here, should I invite 'em to this party or what? Janis: depends Jimmy: ? Janis: do you want an actual night off or do you wanna have to do #goals shit Jimmy: you heard, can do goals shit without trying Jimmy: do you want a night off? Janis: I asked you first Jimmy: so answer me first Janis: 🙄 Janis: I've had enough time off Janis: my ankle is better Jimmy: alright Janis: so answer Jimmy: I did Janis: Bitch, where Jimmy: I said alright Jimmy: I can do it Janis: no need to tax yourself Jimmy: piss off Janis: I'll go home and decorate mine Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't invite them and you can actually have a decent time Jimmy: where? it's still a shit party full of dickheads Janis: it's your night off Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: you can't think of a single fun thing to do? Jimmy: if I ain't on your clock I'm on another Jimmy: 👶🐕 Janis: you said your dad was off Janis: is that not the entire point Jimmy: the entire point were I don't wanna be there, not that I don't have to be Jimmy: nowt #goals about pissing about for the sake of Jimmy: if you don't need me to be 🏆 they do Janis: if you don't wanna be there, then don't Janis: it doesn't make any odds if we're being #goals or not Janis: like your dad is really invested Jimmy: nowt I do is for that prick's benefit, didn't reckon that needed spelling out an' all Janis: that's my point Janis: do it for yourself Janis: don't need to pretend you're doing me a massive favour to warrant it Jimmy: what's it doing for me if I ain't? Janis: I don't know Janis: some peace and quiet Janis: time to fucking breathe Jimmy: you heard me, where? Jimmy: tisn't the season, mate Janis: for fuck's sake Janis: I never said I had all the answers for you Jimmy: don't have a go at me just 'cause I ain't chuffed at the prospect of becoming a ⛄ walking the streets of this shithole taking deep breaths or some bollocks Janis: you stop having a go at me first and we'll be quits Janis: sorry I don't have any top ideas of what you can do Janis: if I did we wouldn't need to bother with this bullshit Jimmy: 👍 Janis: whatever Jimmy: tah for that Janis: just piss off and do some work Jimmy: going against your night off stance but alright Jimmy: not the hill you wanna 💀💀💀 on Janis: whatever you're gonna do, you're still on the 🕡 right now Jimmy: weren't reckoning I had this apron on 'cause it makes me look even more fit and mysterious Jimmy: just a bonus, that Janis: funny Jimmy: come to the party with me, dickhead Janis: you're so frustrating Jimmy: how else you gonna prove to me your ankle is better and get your 🐕🏃💰 back? Jimmy: come on Janis: alright Jimmy: alright Janis: I thought you wanted to go alone Jimmy: what for? Janis: be off my 🕡 Jimmy: this is the easiest job I've got Jimmy: and before you start, NOT saying you are Janis: I'm not starting nothing Janis: it just pisses me off when you act like it's all my idea, or I wanna do it Janis: it's mutually beneficial, that's the point Janis: and the rest of them are the ones 👀 & 💬 Janis: not me Jimmy: it were my idea, I ain't forgotten that or why it's a 🥇 Jimmy: I'm a mardy prick, can't fake that I ain't all the time Janis: I'll survive Jimmy: I'll make it up to you Janis: don't need to Jimmy: but we both need Ian's stash more than him Janis: not gonna argue with that Jimmy: mutually beneficial, I heard you Janis: he can enjoy some sober family fun Janis: I'm not going to enjoy any party if I'm not at least a bit buzzed Jimmy: you can be pissed as 💀#2 were by round 2 of that game if you want, used to carrying you by now Janis: considering how much we've eat today Janis: literally impossible Jimmy: 💔 I can't accept that challenge 'cause I ain't no lightweight Jimmy: feels wrong turning one down Janis: what else is a party for Janis: be loads of others to 🥇 Jimmy: quick, give me one I can do now before I vanish 👻👋 Janis: 🤔🤔 hmm Janis: I don't know much about this ☕😍 life Janis: but how many non-dairy orders can you 🐄 up before any of 'em notice and complain Janis: trusting you not to bullshit, dickhead Jimmy: I swear on our kid's fake 🐕 Janis: hope the real one ain't savaged poor snow Janis: will be all your fault, obvs Jimmy: sounds like her, that Jimmy: and me getting the blame'd be about right an' all Jimmy: 🤞🤞 Janis: Poor baby Jimmy: you better mean me Janis: 'course I mean you Jimmy: know what you're like 🐕💕 Janis: didn't even buy myself one, firstly Janis: and secondly, you know you're 🥇 don't be jealous Jimmy: I'd have nicked you one but 👀 and 👂 already got our sticking a 🖍 behind his Jimmy: no need to turn 'em into baby Bonnie and Clyde Janis: thank god he's cute Janis: or it'd be baby borstal Janis: use the disability card and there's nothing he can't do 😎🖍 Jimmy: and then it'd be baby 👻 'cause he'd never hack that Janis: 🥺 Janis: got that from you and all Jimmy: how much bollocks were yours 🗨? Janis: I know you're gutted she got your number Janis: 👴 Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: is there owt you can do for our real 🐕 or what? Janis: Oh Janis: well, yeah Janis: that's the side hussle 'cos the rich cunts who cba to walk their own dogs also cba to train 'em, oddly enough Jimmy: it's too 💰💰💰 for us poor lads then Janis: not necessarily Janis: need the funds myself so we can do 💰 and a favour Jimmy: if you're 💭 mates rates he weren't 🗨 bollocks about how 😈🐕 it is Janis: it can't be worse than that thing was Janis: Killer ain't a funny nickname 'cos it was so 😇 Jimmy: might have to be a big favour, all I'm saying Janis: if you can't afford it Jimmy: made 2 🐄☕ with no 🤬 or 💩 already, be alright Janis: 🤞 Jimmy: 🤝? Janis: you don't want to hear what favour I might want? Janis: brave Janis: but a deal Jimmy: I ain't scared of giving you owt you might want, Jules Janis: Good Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be a really boring party otherwise Jimmy: can't have that Janis: would be gutted Janis: and I do owe you for all the kid time today Jimmy: #notallsantas Jimmy: you'll get no 💔 off me Janis: not what I want Janis: but I did miss being alone with you Janis: I know she's a lot Jimmy: she's alright Janis: she's just a kid Janis: she don't know no better Jimmy: 🥈 to 😎🖍 obvs but I rate her as kids go Janis: duh, that 💕🥇 is mutual Jimmy: he's got no mates here yet, it were a 🏆 day for him Janis: I'm glad Janis: she liked him too Janis: wouldn't shut up Jimmy: he's probs still going on to my sister an' all Janis: gonna owe her something now Janis: probably a bit better than a cuddly 🐕 Jimmy: she's done alright out of the 🐕🏃💰 she'll live Janis: she don't need to re-cripple me for the gig Janis: plenty of 🐕🏃💰 to go 'round, don't need to be 14 for that Jimmy: she'll be 💔 you don't wanna 🥊 but yeah Jimmy: she can't be arsed to do ours but I don't blame her when it's Ian's 💰 Janis: I don't make it a habit 👶🍭 Jimmy: brb gotta @ her that fighting 🗨 Janis: such a shit-stirrer Janis: it's alright, not tryna be your new step-mum, don't need to parent-trap me Jimmy: it's called making coffee when it's my 9-5, babe Janis: 😂 get him some chalk he's had an 💭💡 Jimmy: can do my 🐄☕ tally an' all Janis: make your least fave colleague clean the bogs today Jimmy: whoever the lad is you said you liked ✔ Janis: 😨 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: trying to turn everyone against me, I 👀 Janis: only going to have to make it up to him, think on Jimmy: not if I do first 😘 Janis: 🐍 Jimmy: bit of editing that's a 🍆📏 compliment Janis: UGH Janis: bastard Jimmy: 😂 Janis: you always go on about just the tip so Janis: can't confirm nor deny ladies 💁🙊 Jimmy: one way to get me to do nudes Janis: Eurgh, don't Janis: I'll hype you up in the tweets, fine Jimmy: go on then Janis: alright Janis: [least subtle posts ever 'cos a challenge] Jimmy: [cue a flirting via socials sesh because love that for you two always] Janis: [always a mood] Janis: so goals Jimmy: Where do you reckon 💀👑 is on the scale? Janis: 😠 Janis: but if she does come to this party Janis: 🤬 potential Jimmy: but you ain't factored in she can see my 😍 IRL Jimmy: have another go Janis: 😡 Janis: so festive of her Janis: #2 bringing the 🤢 Jimmy: proud of you Janis: Babe 😊😌 Janis: are they all there? Jimmy: yeah Janis: wow ✨ miracles never cease 🙄 Jimmy: 👀 🛍 about to go ask if there's owt for us Janis: real 🎅 right there Jimmy: gonna pretend I can't understand her answer Jimmy: if that other dickhead can get away with it Janis: 😏 Jimmy: Where's Libi when I need her? Janis: she could rinse them Jimmy: I'd dip into the tip jar to see it Janis: too bad she's probably having her tea right now Janis: downsides of being 4 Jimmy: can't promise her owt better off this menu Janis: sounds like too much excitement for one day Janis: my nan'll be fuming Jimmy: I'll be round to make it up to her in a bit 🦷🌹🦷 Janis: no tah, Romeo Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you wanted an outfit, I'm out 👀 🛍 Jimmy: watch your 🦶 in the stampede Janis: it's mental Janis: 🥊 for the bargains Jimmy: do you a 🥊 alongside my 🐄☕ Jimmy: high scores over here Janis: you're on Jimmy: 🖋👂 til my next break Janis: cute Jimmy: Bill's 👻 on at me to write you a sonnet Janis: how many did he crack out? Janis: so many hoes Jimmy: I'd ask but he's flirting now Jimmy: never takes a break, him Janis: Oh Bill Janis: the slutty friend in this sitcom Jimmy: *romcom Janis: so soz Jimmy: 😘 Janis: can't believe how cliche this shit is and we're still getting new fans Jimmy: just that good Janis: thanks, I am Jimmy: said it before Jimmy: as a muse, you're 🥇 Janis: you're not so bad yourself Jimmy: I'll aim my 😳 at their table, tah for the MASSIVE compliment Janis: I could do better but Jimmy: ? Janis: maybe it'll make me 😳 Jimmy: you're in hell, there's your excuse Jimmy: *🥵 Janis: I already know what we're gonna do at this party and honestly, I would've come even if you didn't want me to Janis: 'til you you did Jimmy: will you come here? Janis: yes Jimmy: 🚫🏃 Janis: okay Janis: but now, yeah? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: One I want you to answer Jimmy: one you know the answer to Jimmy: 'course now Janis: 👍 Janis: hold on Jimmy: I don't care if they're still here, that's not why Janis: No? Jimmy: I'll still want you here when they've pissed off Janis: I know Janis: I wanna be there Janis: you know, with you Jimmy: I know it gets a bit Jimmy: what I mean and don't Jimmy: what's for them and what's for you Janis: headfuck Janis: but we both knew that Jimmy: yeah Janis: I can handle it Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't reckon you could Janis: not a total bastard Jimmy: just 🤏 Janis: I like it Jimmy: obvs, your type is 🎅 Janis: 💩heads? Janis: maybe Jimmy: works for me Janis: [show up gal] Jimmy: [have an epic makeout sesh in front of all these shoppers going past and the gals inside 👀🍿 through the huge windows] Janis: [you've earnt it] Jimmy: [and Mia always deserves to be fuming] Janis: [very true honey, we know you and Pablo is all but over now] Jimmy: [he won't have bought you any goals gifts, what are you gonna do buy them yourself and imply they are from him? awkward] Janis: [didn't come to your friendmas even though you told him to, he's not serving his purpose hen] Jimmy: [notp in every sense] Janis: [we been knew, bye gals, we aren't remotely thinking about you rn] Jimmy: [lowkey never are, you're a flimsy excuse at most huns] Janis: [one we don't need currently] Jimmy: [are you coming in when his break is over or are you off again gal?] Janis: [we're coming in 'cos he asked you to stay] Jimmy: [we'll make you food you actually wanna eat, it's been ages since breakfast] Janis: [just try and find somewhere to perch and chill] Jimmy: [we'll do you the favour of saying Mia made the gals storm past you mid makeout or whatever so you don't have to sit with them] Janis: [lmao imagine, bring your festive spirit down more than the kids chatting up a storm earlier lmao] Jimmy: [that's the last thing we need, he'd get in trouble by letting you sit in the staff area before he made you share their table lol] Janis: [should do that, you know his managers long gone for xmas lol] Jimmy: [honestly go ahead gal we haven't done any of the getting in trouble stuff yet so his record is spotless rn] Janis: [us 😈 lmao] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: 👍 Janis: like what you've done with the place Jimmy: it were a bit more 🎄 but some dickhead nicked loads of it Janis: shocking Janis: some people have no shame Jimmy: if you reckon that's bad, you'll never get your head round how some people spend their 🚬 breaks, Judith Jimmy: enough to make you 😳 Janis: The people with holes and ink all over their body have bad habits? 😱 Janis: will not hear of it Jimmy: SO pure 😇 Janis: you had a costume change of 💘? Jimmy: that one's gotta be yours, Tiny Tim, for seeing the good in everyone's 💘 Janis: cheers for not calling me a 🐷 anymore, I guess Jimmy: you're welcome 🐸 Janis: 😏 Janis: don't fancy eating flies though Jimmy: Dunno if I could keep faking 😍 for you and your new diet Janis: it is a big ask Janis: wonder if I can convince the gals it's the new thing though Jimmy: nowt more #goals than a lad who'll pick flies out of his 🦷🦷 for you Jimmy: they'll FINALLY know their 💕 is real Janis: Beautiful, truly Jimmy: I'll pass it on to Bill's 👻 Janis: bit rude that he's not solely focused on our story Jimmy: *I'll 👻🥊 Janis: hot Jimmy: that's the ☕ I'm 🤹 Janis: I couldn't actually work here Jimmy: I couldn't actually have you work here Janis: fight for the tips too real Janis: I get it Jimmy: that'll do for why Janis: go on Jimmy: what? Janis: give me the bulletpoints Jimmy: you're alright 🤓 Janis: tah, babe Jimmy: and I'm alright for not 🖋 you a naughty list Jimmy: which you know were what I meant Janis: you're 🤹 Janis: I know Janis: can't blame me for trying Jimmy: you heard me #notallsantas Jimmy: don't wanna watch you sleep either, tah Janis: I appreciate you saying that Janis: don't sound at all like you're gonna Jimmy: 👀 Janis: thank god the sleepover didn't happen Janis: you and 💀👑 meet over my corpse Jimmy: I'll sort a new one since you're 💔 Janis: with who? Jimmy: I'm just the 💪🏆 Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: 🎅👴😎☕ Janis: party Jimmy: and what, we all chuck our 🔑s in a bowl? Jimmy: or just pass you around Janis: UM Janis: how dare you, we do face masks and watch movies Jimmy: 🥱😴 Janis: 😱😱 BABES Janis: 😭 Jimmy: SOZ Janis: you are SO uninvited from the gangbang now Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Janis: it's me who's a 🍆 down Janis: you're so selfish Jimmy: if you've still got that 🪒 it's easily sorted Janis: bit rapey Janis: 😎☕ is basically an open invitation in this place Jimmy: no need to just castrate me with your 🗨 Jimmy: there's my consent Janis: you aren't bleeding out yet Janis: sorry Jimmy: I'll stop it with the steam wand Janis: ooh Janis: resourceful Jimmy: Oi, don't sound so surprised, dickhead Janis: I didn't expect you to have really considered castration that much, tbh Janis: but yes 💪🧠 Jimmy: never gonna unlock all my kinks with that attitude Janis: 😂 Janis: you're keeping the list 🔒 Jimmy: when you're ready for it, I'll give you the bulletpoints Janis: How am I not ready for it? Jimmy: you're here for a start Jimmy: what are we gonna do get a wet floor sign out and stick a 🧹 through the door handle? Janis: are we going to do that? Jimmy: that on your list? Janis: Well, it is now Jimmy: good, 'cause we ain't gonna have time to do more than the one ✔ before Doris is kicking off for her ☕ or invite Janis: She can wait Janis: I don't want to share you right now Jimmy: [showing up for 😈 antics because his manager ain't here and we don't care what our co-workers think] Janis: [live your best lives guys there is no reason not to] Jimmy: [Pete if you're here ILY and you would do the exact same with your gf so but fuck the rest of y'all truly] Janis: [maybe not exactly the same if you're a little less extra but yes, we aren't interested] Jimmy: [you're a bit older and chiller but you know] Janis: [soz you aren't living a romcom lmao god bless] Jimmy: [JJ out here doing the most and living their dreams from day 1] Janis: [we just skirting around our trauma and trying to live and be young and I love that for you] Jimmy: [literally imagine just having to go back to work like 👋 in a bit as if that didn't just happen I always die thinking about stuff like this] Janis: [lol your life, hence I think you should go back out shopping for a bit girl 'til he's ready to leave] Jimmy: [thank god you're both shameless because even though nobody would've heard anything with the christmas tunes and how busy it is, everyone totally knows] Janis: [y'all aren't subtle, enjoy the #bants and/or disgust from your coworkers Jimothy soz] Jimmy: [making friends everywhere he goes, you're welcome for the fact you're gonna get sacked from here because you're not leaving Dublin in a hot sec like you think you are] Janis: [you're all teens/young adults, y'all be getting messy in all the ways, don't judge lol] Jimmy: [mhmm and we know the kinda hipster peeps who be working there ain't it so shhh] Janis: that girl with the pink hair and neck tat gave me the biggest evils Jimmy: it's just her face Jimmy: 😒 part of our uniform Jimmy: and her hair's rose gold, very festive of her, get it right Janis: roots down to her eyebrows and all Janis: tell your girlfriend she's safe it's #fake Jimmy: oh Ashleeeee Jimmy: I'll tell her to get down the salon Janis: or stick a santa hat on Janis: problem solved if she covers her face with it too Jimmy: she'd probably make a better ☕ blind an' all Janis: you're 🥇 are you? Jimmy: you're asking questions you know the answer to again Janis: I don't drink it, I can't comment Jimmy: it weren't a #humblebrag she's a 🎄 temp, can't do fuck all but 😒 and gone before her roots'll reach her chin Janis: makes sense Janis: least you can blame the 🐄☕ on her Jimmy: except 💀👑 and co's, reckon they'll know that were me, if they ever know Janis: none of them are asking for no 🐄 'cos it makes them shit their brains out Janis: but that extra 1/8 lbs will give it away 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 Jimmy: if it made 'em 💩 they'd ask for it, hoard the laxatives for another day, I get it Janis: True Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: soz if you find any 💩 in the changing rooms though, mate Jimmy: 🐄☕ well into double figures Janis: that's just any other day for Penney's Janis: but I'll sign your name if you like Jimmy: Tah Janis: gold sharpie Janis: make it festive Jimmy: just like that, going from muse to artist, you Janis: A ⭐ is born Janis: don't ruin it for me when I get my grammy and you're an alcoholic Jimmy: nowt fake about their 💕 Jimmy: if you don't go that hard for me when my missus, Ashlee is front row, you ain't having that oscar Janis: 😏 Janis: only to catch her 😒 on camera Jimmy: bollocks, in it for the 👏👏🌹👏 you Janis: you're just in it to be serenaded so don't @ me mate Jimmy: not denying it Janis: 😍 x1000 Jimmy: owt to give me a break from these fucking 🎄🎵 Janis: reckon the staff here have gone full zombie Janis: 💀 in the 👀 and 🧠 Jimmy: bit rude of you not to leave me for 💀💀💀 back there Jimmy: could be us rotting but you're playing 💔 Janis: Rosie was gonna passive-aggressively ask me to buy something or leave if I didn't Jimmy: taking orders from her'll do nowt for them gay rumours Jimmy: need a #LAD to tell you what to do, duh Jimmy: I'll give you a shout when I find one Janis: Shut up, s'why I left before she could say fuck all Janis: and how are there gonna be any gay rumours when the reason she's pissed off is 'cos she's jealous Jimmy: depends who she's jealous of Janis: if she's gay that's her problem Janis: but she's jealous of me, FYI Janis: take the compliment Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: you're the 👏👏🌹👏 chaser Janis: 1. rude 2. bollocks Jimmy: 1. ain't much of a compliment if she fancies me 2. I'll have you know my head's genetically this big Janis: you know what you look like and you're well 😏 about it Janis: not saying you're wrong Jimmy: I know what she looks like an' all Janis: not like she's the only one 😍 is it Jimmy: my inbox is as full as yours Janis: yeah Jimmy: so you've got nowt to be jealous of Janis: I'm not jealous Jimmy: what then? Janis: I'm just saying she is Janis: fuck sake big head, don't get it twisted Jimmy: don't get a mard on Janis: I'm not, idiot Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Are you? Jimmy: ? Janis: in a mood? Jimmy: why would I be? Janis: I don't know Janis: why would I be, like Jimmy: 😒 ain't in your job description Janis: I'm not Janis: I only left so you could actually get some work done Janis: that's all Jimmy: alright Janis: don't actually care what your coworkers reckon but you do have to work with them Janis: least for a while longer Jimmy: I'll live Janis: it's about making shit easier Janis: not harder, yeah Jimmy: you did Jimmy: not saying I'm 😁👍 or nowt but Janis: not even a little? Janis: shit review, that Jimmy: you can have one of the dead eyed ones 😀 or 😃 Janis: I'd rather 😒 Jimmy: [a 😒 selfie like there you go ILY] Janis: tah Jimmy: I rate you, you know I do Janis: shh Jimmy: not gonna sing it but Janis: if we've got to be a romcom Janis: not being one with a musical number Jimmy: won't argue 🤐 Jimmy: #notallnortherners 🎭🩰🎤 Janis: you're warning me how embarrassing you're gonna be at this party Janis: I get it Jimmy: can't say you ain't been now Jimmy: #notalldaddys an' all Jimmy: dickhead dad if I'm owt Janis: however goals that may be Janis: I'd sooner grate my face off Jimmy: you always know EXACTLY what to say Jimmy: really fulfil my nursing kink, that will Janis: how great would you look if you stayed with me Janis: my only positive, gone Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: be even more mysterious to make up for losing how fit you are Janis: 😶😶😶 Janis: what is she thinking Jimmy: 🤯🤯🤯 Janis: do you if you like Janis: #muteandcute Jimmy: the couple who self harms together are obvs gonna stay together Janis: 💀💀 means forever 😃😃 Jimmy: long as it don't backfire when everyone reckons I've been cracking onto Asia's dad 💋 Janis: reunite 'em for the holidays Janis: ✨💕 Jimmy: you're really earning that 😇 costume for tonight Janis: you'll still steal the show, babe Jimmy: you ARE the show, babe 👀🍿🔪 Jimmy: Ashleeeeeee's got nowt on 💀👑 Jimmy: or my long lens Janis: 😂 Janis: dope Jimmy: promise not to do you like princess di, know you'd hate everyone going on about you for that long Janis: what good is 👏👏🌹👏 if I can't 👂 Janis: obvs Jimmy: 👻 perks Jimmy: get to be a right nosy dickhead forever Janis: suits you Janis: no 🧛 perks except the taste Jimmy: 🦷🦷 suit you Jimmy: what about 💪🏆🏃🥇? Janis: that's just me Jimmy: SUCH an athlete Jimmy: I've heard Janis: I'll show you if you ever stop fussing and nursing Jimmy: BUT 🥺 Janis: I know Janis: but I need a redemption arc Jimmy: nowt wrong with 😈 Janis: falling on my arse though Janis: 👎 Jimmy: 👍 for me Jimmy: but I get it, you wanna impress me Janis: if I wanted to impress you, I just would Janis: it's easy Jimmy: 🗨 is Janis: you'll 👀 Jimmy: *📷 Janis: if you can catch me Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 💪 Jimmy: tah very much, compliment accepted an' all Janis: when you out? Jimmy: [a time which I hope isn't forever away because work sucks enough without your co-workers gossiping about your love life] Janis: 👍 Janis: might compliment you then Jimmy: you find a party? Janis: [a selection of, 'cos these teens are extra] Jimmy: we gonna #bless the one or do a tour? Janis: a tour is actually a good idea Janis: fuck it up Janis: go before it's really shit Jimmy: there you go again sounding 😱😱 that I've had a 🥇💡 Janis: like I'm meant to reckon every 💭 you have is golden Jimmy: glad we're on the same 📖 FINALLY Janis: 🙄 Janis: I'm on a whole new book, babes Jimmy: alright, give us a chance Jimmy: basically illiterate Janis: awh Janis: keep practising on those coffee cups hun Jimmy: good job I nicked our kid's 🖍 Janis: long as it weren't a swap Jimmy: @ nspcc Janis: you're alright Janis: this country is infamous for not giving a shit about kids Jimmy: that'll be why Ian brought us here Janis: if he tries to give you to some nuns, run Jimmy: into their arms #kinkunlocked Janis: sure that's another costume Janis: want an outfit change? Jimmy: not very festive though, is it? Jimmy: if I were the baby Jesus, that's one thing, but his groupies Janis: well you can't go as baby Jesus Janis: that's obscene Janis: and where am I getting a loincloth as this hour, thank you Jimmy: such a letdown, you Jimmy: seen you piss about and craft a 🐑 for fuck's sake, it's ALMOST like you DON'T WANT to make this happen for me Janis: it's almost like you're a complete exhibitionist Jimmy: Lucas would support me, knew I should've picked him Janis: no one's stopping you Jimmy: UGH and now you're not even gonna fight for me 😭😭 Janis: you'll come crawling back when he's trying to pick up more 12 year olds again Jimmy: less of a rom com more of a crimewatch reconstruction Janis: you, the clueless wife who had NO idea Janis: sure, Sharon Janis: turning a blind eye so you didn't have to fuck him Jimmy: chuffed he's pissing off out so I can watch telly without his loud breathing doing my head in Janis: You're an Emmerdale fan, definitely Janis: neighbours and home and away in the afternoons Jimmy: Doctors is my top pic though obvs Janis: your only friends are the characters in your stories Janis: sad, honestly Jimmy: Oi don't forget the 🐩 I'm starting to look like Jimmy: it hates me, obvs, so I get why you didn't 💭 Janis: it doesn't want you to baby it but it's all you wanted it for Jimmy: he won't put a 👶 in me and that's 💔 but OMG it's just like one of my fave plots #conflicted Janis: Sharon, you're barren Janis: you need to come to terms with it Jimmy: DUN DUN DUN Jimmy: but it's me doing my own piss poor drum roll Janis: 😂 meanwhile, casual serial killer b plot with your mans Jimmy: Sharon, you're having a mental breakdown Jimmy: this is a REAL doctor's office Janis: not you trying to seduce your fave doctor and it's actually your GP and he's gonna call the psych ward Jimmy: 🚨🚨🚨 Jimmy: your man is gonna pin his crimes on you, hun Janis: omg Janis: when the truth outs, you're gonna be fully gone Janis: maybe in a cheeky coma Jimmy: bit of amnesia so I reckon I did do it an' all Janis: oh god Janis: so like a woman Janis: just lethal inject me 'cos I'm a monster who can't even have kids Jimmy: Oh Sharon Janis: Lucas will keep getting away with it for 4 more seasons Janis: then your ghost will pop up and it'll all get sorted in an ep Jimmy: I'll work with the 👻s of his victims, grab a spin off out of it Janis: full circle, you watching your show from your armchair in your dark, depressing lounge Jimmy: 🎨 Janis: welcome for the A on your next art project Jimmy: IOU Janis: not bothered about credit Jimmy: alright, what do you want? Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: go on Janis: I need to think of an idea right now? Jimmy: 🚫⏲ Jimmy: just no need to hold back if you've already got one Janis: I'll take my time Janis: no point saying something now, thinking of something I want more later Jimmy: won't have you 🖋🩸 it's alright Jimmy: if you change your mind, just tell me that Janis: you're bad at business Jimmy: that'll be why I ain't the manager Janis: 💔 babe Janis: the free time you'd have 🤯🤯 Jimmy: could train my own 🐕 Janis: hey now Janis: that's my 💰 Jimmy: real 💔 Janis: in it for the 👏👏🌹👏💰💰 Jimmy: I got that Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: hush Janis: got outfits to buy and christmas tunes to hear for the 42nd time today Jimmy: I won't serenade you then Janis: if you can get a christmas 🥇 then I will 👰💍🤵 for the royalties Jimmy: alright, piss off I need to crack on with that and you've got a 👰💍🤵 to plan Janis: 👋😘 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: [party time] Jimmy: [obvs we just want them to have a nice time but have you got anything specific in mind?] Janis: [hmm, obvs the main party is tomorrow, so we can be more chill, but we can also make drama if we want 'cos yolo] Jimmy: [I was thinking at one of the parties they hit they should see Mia cheating again cos Pablo is on the outs and also she just would anyway] Jimmy: [but that could be today or tomorrow like] Janis: [we should do today 'cos you ain't the focus tomorrow remotely hun, and it's just fun] Jimmy: [agreed, the focus tomorrow is being festive af as always, as much fluff as I can clutch with my grabby hands] Janis: [so if anything, get drama that isn't them, aka flat whites etc out tonight] Jimmy: [love it because Mia would think she was being so sneaky but we see you hen] Janis: [merry christmas beech] Jimmy: [gather that blackmail lads, you'll want it when she gets him sacked by being a Karen] Janis: [yep thanks for not before xmas at least] Jimmy: [I'm sure she's wishing she could rn] Janis: [too bad you walked out in disgust lmao it got so much worse] Jimmy: [sucks to suck gals] Janis: [what drama can we do with y'all hmm] Jimmy: [unrelated but can we say they're drunk in love enough that he stays at mcvickers because Ian sucks and we don't need that in our lives] Janis: [yes, just know the Libi is gonna come in in the AM to wake you up and out you lol] Jimmy: [ngl LOVE that even if you two won't] Janis: [in my mind if she ain't snuck in Janis' bed before she's even home, she comes in well early as kids do so LOL] Jimmy: [he's used to that with Bobby cos that boy is always sleeping with him we know] Janis: [and I alluded to it in a previous convo so go us, anyway, yes, that can totally happen, it wouldn't be far if he had to run so makes sense] Jimmy: [it's beyond obvious that you both never wanna leave each other so] Janis: [let's not lie to ourselves lads except lowkey we do lol] Jimmy: [tbf this is the first time you've had a chance to get drunk together since fake dating started cos we didn't have enough booze on the school trip and unlike the flatwhites you aren't lightweights who got drunk during that friendmas game sesh] Janis: [hohohohohoh the potential] Jimmy: [evil laugh x 3 because Winnie is too] Janis: [let's hit up this first shit party, idk if she genuinely got you a costume to put on or what, Imma say yeah but idk if I have anything particularly festive for you so I'll have to look] Jimmy: [I hope she did, what's more festive than crossdressing] Janis: [get it boy, you'll look hot and no one can deny] Jimmy: [she should be an angel like in Hazel's book even if we can't document the lewk] Janis: [I'm sure I'll be able to find that content somehow] Jimmy: [I'm not even gonna try because I know I won't, Ezra Miller and Harry Styles can only do so much and I don't think they've been festive lol] Janis: [yeah, I'm trying to think of like a movie or something where it was a thing hmm] Janis: [oh, the try guys do it, maybe eugene?] Jimmy: [body shots have to happen at one of these shit parties because #mood] Janis: [very easily done with your lewks lol] Jimmy: [that's what I was thinking, just think of all the love bites there would actually be too though what a statement] Janis: [turns up to your function in no clothes, excuse me, y'all are already on one today, there will be no chill we know it] Jimmy: [tipsy before we get there as well tah Ian] Janis: [thank you for nothing but that dickhead] Jimmy: [and actually being there for once so he can stay at mcvickers and be a carefree teen] Janis: [I mean yes but you are those kids dad not jimothy so I will not applaud you] Jimmy: [doing the least and we hate you so much] Janis: [I think Mia should be at the first party and we can catch her whilst we're still a bit sober lol] Jimmy: [yeah definitely one of the earlier ones, it makes sense for that reason and because the parties would obvs start out more basic and get wilder as the night goes on cos most people aren't throwing a rager on christmas eve eve] Janis: [yeah, and if she's at some party that's trying to be sophisticated and lowkey and then they show up 1. LOL 2. she would be caught unawares] Jimmy: [ooh what if she's just gone out with Ella and not the others so it's double tea because that's not in the friendmas spirit] Janis: [I really imagined a date and I was like lovely haha, but totally a vibe, pretending they're busy if the other gals are at another party or whatever] Jimmy: [I might fuck around and give Jimothy an injury of some sort for christmas cos tis the season and Ian is 100% that bitch] Janis: [yeah, he is, a vibe, but not, so rude] Jimmy: [it's gonna have to be christmas eve or day cos they are going to Skerries for boxing day so note to self] Janis: [what if what if that's why she goes to see him xmas day, ultimate rudeness Ian] Jimmy: [yeah because we did say they must] Janis: [dunno where you're huffing off to ian but uninterested, we must] Jimmy: [and then it makes even more sense why they go to Skerries/don't try very hard to come back when they get snowed in, not desperate to spend time with you sir ] Janis: [it all makes sense, also remember the ice bath we can make you a snow pack] Jimmy: [so yeah after whatever they're doing christmas eve, remind me he's gotta go home alone so that can kick off] Jimmy: [also if people have been stupid enough to leave presents under their trees they should steal some] Janis: [noteddd, that's so grinchy and why you don't have xmas parties but with friends people, you deserve it lol, also if we wanna do some messaging, they could lose Mia and have to split up to find her rn, could be amusing] Jimmy: [not all the gifts thank you lads but at least one from every party that it's an option as a memento, ooh good idea boo] Janis: report back, scooby Janis: I'm in the bogs, no sign 😱 Jimmy: leave your 🐕 fetish out of it and concentrate Jimmy: she ain't outside ⛄ Janis: alright, you wanna be daphne Janis: full bimbo now Jimmy: piss off do I wanna be a ginger Jimmy: have a word with yourself Janis: omg VELMA 🤓 Jimmy: how am I not Fred dressed like this? Janis: he was so fashionable Janis: I wanna be Fred though so fuck you Jimmy: UGH fine Jimmy: I know you're 🤓 and I'm him but crack on lying to yourself Janis: that's rude Janis: don't make me your #2 Jimmy: if the glasses fit, girl Janis: 😡 Janis: i'm going kitchen Janis: it's a long shot but i'm getting drink for me and none for you Jimmy: smash some glasses and plates, you'll calm down Jimmy: or you know, make me a 🥪 Janis: knuckle sandwich Jimmy: 😍😍 Janis: so distracting Jimmy: you Janis: nah Janis: we're on a mission focus your 😍😍 Jimmy: [sending her pics of #bants things like I've found her, oh no wait] Janis: [have a lil game, nerds] Jimmy: [obvs you're gonna have to find her eventually I doubt there's that many places she could be so be silly while you can] Janis: Jim I've found her Janis: omg Janis: come here Jimmy: [does even though he's expecting a pisstake] Janis: [hopefully this house isn't that big because you did not tell him anything there lmao, also be quiet or she'll see and you'll ruin it] Jimmy: [she said she was heading to the kitchen so likewise and we'll cross paths lol] Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: [you're so conspicuous rn god bless, but keep an eye on her best you can until you can get dirt] Janis: be 😎 nerd Jimmy: keep your head down 🦒 Janis: i'd say make me but you'll just be 😍😍 Jimmy: [a LOOK that's meant to be pisstakey like what am I like but it's just shamelessly a LOOK lol] Janis: [you know when bitches always kiss in movies when they need to hide, doing that, as if there is a need okay] Jimmy: [love that for you] Janis: [oh the tropes, at least you won't seem arsed by Mia remotely so she'll let her guard down lol] Jimmy: [we're just a lad getting covered in silver, you can relax Mia] Jimmy: [will style that into a 🎅 beard because he's an art hoe] Janis: [what a lewk you two can share] Jimmy: [doing a semi decent job of lip reading Mia even though he's not deaf and whispering to her what he's worked out, doesn't technically need to whisper but the excuse is we're being inconspicuous] Janis: [doing the most to pretend he's being scandalous in ya ear but we listening for real obvs and making our 😳🤤 responses make sense 'do you think there's a free room going?' like do you reckon we'll catch her at it, again] Jimmy: [telling her about all the places he found that you could fuck when he was searching for her, which is lowkey suggestive af boy especially because Mia isn't as shameless as you pair and wouldn't hook up in some of these places] Janis: [telling him which you wanna do first but it's actually where you reckon she might if she's gonna] Jimmy: [agreeing because you agree that it's likely and you're on the same page here] Janis: 🕡 Jimmy: *⏲ Janis: same diff Janis: can't lose 👀 on her Janis: what do we do to kill time without being too distracted Jimmy: 🍻? Janis: [goes to get drink like okay] Jimmy: [is 👀ing you Mia] Janis: gonna suggest this to the gals next time I see em Jimmy: they already follow her about Janis: clealy ain't as good at it as us Janis: but no Janis: the face paint Janis: if you kissed anyone else i'd know instantly Jimmy: bit rude to call me a slag for how I'm dressed but Janis: is it though Jimmy: I just happen to be a slag, alright? Jimmy: nowt to do with any of this Jimmy: [gestures to the lewk] Janis: [looks at him for ages like we forgot what we're doing] Janis: alright Jimmy: are you? Jimmy: [😏 af] Janis: [🖕 which can at least look bantsy to the fans] Jimmy: [a lol soz if that's not inconspicuous hun but the bae is funny] Janis: [bring him a drink back, after taking a massive swig from his like ha ha] Jimmy: [taking pics of her because an angel being 😈] Jimmy: [likewise have forgotten what we're supposed to be doing here for a sec] Janis: [casual photoshoot, be a shame to waste your outfits] Jimmy: [Mia's got no game lbr, you've got time] Janis: [god knows the state of this lad by the time she's ready lol] Jimmy: [another good reason it's an earlier party don't be having a Buster and Chloe rapey situation Mia] Janis: [at least you truly would be as gone, that's the vibe not that] Jimmy: [if your father could see you now hun] Janis: [#disappointeddaddy] Jimmy: [I wish they could call him like come get your daughter but we need this hook up to happen first] Janis: [they should genuinely then bounce though lmao she would actually be so fuming] Jimmy: [don't do it yourself though Jimothy the accent is a dead giveaway, get the bae on it] Janis: [seriously, do some voice work hen, at least a party helps that he'll barely be able to hear, use the house phone] Jimmy: [merry christmas bitch, enjoy the trouble you'll be in] Janis: [hohaha, ANYWAYS, we know you can't stop looking at him gal, how you manage this at all is lowkey impressive lol] Jimmy: [when you get to the second party/on the way there haha you can be as extra as you want, that mission is done and dusted] Janis: [we're so buzzing with ourselves at the prospect of ruining her xmas, practically skip there lmao] Jimmy: [don't you twist you ankle boy as hilarious as that would be] Janis: [we can't have more injuries, and you'd make a right mess of yourself if you fell, it's freezing and you've got no clothes on lol] Jimmy: [yeah that's not festive or goals so be careful please] Janis: [what do we wanna do at this next party then] Jimmy: [just have a nice time tbh lads] Janis: [just partay] Jimmy: [do them body shots and other drinking games cos we're having a messy one and we're competitive af] Janis: [get crunkalunk honey, we can skip to when he's left in the AM now if we wanna] Janis: [after Libi has come in and is like WHERE'S BOBBY as if they also have him tucked up in the bed] Jimmy: [unless there's anything that gets said or done when they're drunk af that we need to know, we know the vibes] Jimmy: [Oh Libi I love you so much but they should facetime him on Cass' phone cos she'll be THRILLED cos you know he's sleeping there and nobody sleeps in that house except Ian] Janis: [ooh, good point actually, we'll do that] Janis: [but yes, poor Jimothy like come sign bitch we gotta talk about santa] Jimmy: [god bless, when you just wanna sleep and snuggle your bae but you got so many jobs] Janis: [being like YOU GOT YOUR COOKIES YOU GOT YOUR MILK AND CARROTS like a checklist 'cos I remember how exciting xmas eve was you were lowkey hysterical all day] Jimmy: [plotting how you're gonna stay awake and peep Santa with those gifts] Janis: [just looking at Jimmy like you ain't gonna get no sleep lol] Jimmy: [mouthing at her to kill you away from the lip reading expert's gaze cos you can't do a dramatic death scene rn the kids are chatting a mile a minute] Janis: [pew pew at his head, also mcvickers gonna be fuming lad] Jimmy: [at least you can leave without having to see them cos that staircase] Janis: [chase you away lmao] Jimmy: [hold in the wee that you clearly will need, your house isn't far] Janis: [run boy run, but we'll throw it back to the end of your partying now] Jimmy: [we should start it as a 🚬 break because that's always good for feels and closeness when it's cold and you're half naked even if we're drunk enough not to feel it] Janis: [just drunkenly telling him about crayon colours we looked up lol] Jimmy: [guessing the colours based on their weird names unless it's obvs and then we're just pisstaking] Janis: [there's some wild ones hun, we're probably making up loads too] Jimmy: [likewise but writing them on her so she has to try and work it out when we could just say it] Janis: [we know where this is devolving and fast, wherever you are not being suitable so you're like hmpf] Jimmy: [on some random person's garden furniture that they should've brought in for the winter but have not] Janis: [you're both gonna start shivering before long so walk in the direction of the houses tah] Jimmy: [handholding and doing the little swinging thing because you've been spending all this time with the bubs] Janis: [loling at him] Jimmy: [playfully nudge her like excuse you but don't push her over because of that drunk and slippy combo please] Janis: ['you're such a nerd, you know'] Jimmy: ['Piss off' but the tone is less fuck off and more yeah I know but so are you] Janis: ['fine' and goes to walk off but likewise is joking so doesn't really] Jimmy: [nevertheless pulling her back and close into you as if she's really going because don't] Janis: ['you want me to stay?' even though you know 'cos how close you are rn] Jimmy: ['don't you want to?' even though she clearly do] Janis: [thinking he's making a point about asking stupid questions like 😏 fine] Jimmy: [just softly touching that 😏 face looking at her like no tell me you want to because we're drunk enough to have been genuinely asking and wanting an answer] Janis: ['I just want you to tell me' shrugs 'no confusion'] Jimmy: ['I just want you' because true] Janis: ['go on then' like it's a challenge but you say it so soft so like it's not] Jimmy: [the most intense kiss ever not even because it's a challenge but because the emotions are just that high okay] Janis: [no time to even talk just taking him by the hand back to yours aka mcvickers not all that way lol] Jimmy: [for a million reasons I hope whatever house you were at isn't far from there but the main one being all the kissing pauses there will be along the way regardless because that's the mood we're in] Janis: [we ain't even gon make it home energy] Jimmy: [100% support that always] Janis: [but you do, and frankly, I don't condone ladder climbing in this state so like be quiet and go in the real way] Jimmy: [that'll be a #mood in itself so] Janis: [getting him out of that santa outfit folornly like you are devvo lol] Jimmy: [gal if you're doing a pouty lip in any way you know what's gonna happen] Janis: [but of course 'why don't you care what people think?' once you can get words out again] Jimmy: ['I care what you think' because we're drunk so we can answer a question and answer it honestly] Janis: ['really?' and a confusion face] Jimmy: [😍 af about her cute expression so we lowkey forget about the question] Janis: [nudge] Jimmy: [a look like ?] Janis: ['why do you care?'] Jimmy: ['about you?' when you were only talking about what she thinks but we're drunk and we've gone deeper with it] Janis: [nods like sure, as you brought it up] Jimmy: ['it's less shit being here 'cause of you, if nowt else you should have the same back off me'] Janis: [when you can't help smile at that 'I don't want you to leave Dublin'] Jimmy: ['I'll stay' like it's that simple remotely but it is when you're drunk af] Janis: ['but you hate it here' and a look like same, obvs] Jimmy: ['I hate it everywhere' because again true] Janis: ['me too' not even trying to be banty like literally yeah same] Jimmy: [a little snugg because we don't want the bae to be sad] Janis: [snugging and sighing 'this is so weird'] Jimmy: [an even bigger sigh because it is and you don't want it to be and just saying sorry in the quietest softest voice like did you even actually say that or no] Janis: [at least it's that quiet 'cos you're meant to be that you would hear and you're shaking your head like no no 'not now, specifically or...it's not your fault, you know' 'cos you mean this whole situation for you 'cos you've never and you're like how did this happen so fast and when did we get here] Jimmy: [a shrug because he thinks everything is his fault always thanks Ian so it's like I don't know/believe that actually but we also don't think the bae is full of shit like we think a lot of people are so it's a confusing and conflicting tangle of thoughts up in here as well cos likewise has also never felt like this or expected any of this when he suggested it lol] Janis: ['I mean it' and properly looking at him but not really driving the point home harder than that right now/yet 'it's okay though, isn't it?'] Jimmy: [a nod that encompasses all the things 'are you?' cos if she's okay that's all that matters bye] Janis: ['is it a dealbreaker?' trying to make light of the fact it's like not really no] Jimmy: ['only if you're breaking our deal' like it's not okay if you don't wanna do this anymore even though it's a headfuck because ILY and I will die] Janis: ['I don't want to'] Jimmy: ['what do you want?' as if we don't know sir] Janis: [poke him in the chest] Jimmy: [just resting his hand over hers like okay I accept that and will turn it into a soft gesture] Janis: [when that lowkey says so much about the dynamic and we can't handle it 'let's just-' and kissing him] Jimmy: [kissing will always be easier so I'll allow it kids] Janis: [do that and more 'til you pass out probably 'cos honestly] Jimmy: [gonna let you say her name during at least once if you want boy because we're both not remembering this and we know it'll hit different sober anyway] Janis: [andioop soz you're trashed huns] Jimmy: [but not because it gives us freedom to do things y'all ain't ready for yet] Jimmy: [but soz that Libi will be waking you up early af]

[sengenweek]

SenGen Week: Day 04 (Correction)

Day 04: January 01

Soulmate au / first date/meeting

-'-

Title: Colorfools.

-'-

A/N: You can see every color, except for the color of your soulmate's eyes. Once you see the eyes of your soulmate, you can finally see the color that has never been available for your sight.

-'-

He was lonely, and had nothing better to do that day, so he'd gone to a nice coffee shop downtown just to kill some time outside his house. Being indoors all the time was getting to his nerves. The coffee shop was a nice place, decorated with whites and browns in a second floor, and a big window with view to the outside, but the view was plagued with people and cars; nothing interesting to see. He opened a notebook containing drafts for his next book, as his drink and snack arrived, he was already engrossed in his writing and thanked the waiter absently.

He wrote and scratched several lines, using at least three of his pages when he decided to leave his pencil aside to take a sip of his coffee, looking once more to the window as he munched on a donut. And he noticed something, someone who looked briefly upwards and Gen got a glimpse of their eyes. Their eyes. A color he'd never seen before, a beautiful and mesmerizing shade enlightened by the sunlight. And as soon as the person –a boy, a teen?– had glanced up, his eyes went back to the floor, leaving Gen to observe a very strange mop of hair that stuck up. He was with two other people, a tall young man, and a girl with long hair, but Gen barely paid them any mind, he was stuck on the other teen, the one with odd hairstyle, and such beautiful eyes. He was about to get up from his seat and run to him, run to catch him. But as soon as Gen had seen him, the crowd had engulfed him.

Red. He knew what the color he'd never been able to see was called. Red. Gen saw it, again, in the traffic lights, in the neon signs of Tokyo, in the package of his favorite drink, Cola. Red. In the cover of his notebook, in the ink of his pen, in the drawings of his deck of cards. Gen saw red, the color that was missing from his life; and he loved it. He loved the color that painted his soulmate's eyes. And he regretted the fact that he may never see this person again, may never even hear his voice.

-'-

The girls at school –as well as some boys– seemed to have gained an interest in someone named Asagiri Gen, a sort of magician. One day, one of his classmates read aloud a quiz from one of his 'psicology' books, and Senkuu quickly disregarded it's value, and decided it wasn't really worth the effort to read more from it, so he didn't even looked at it.

That afternoon when the rest of his classmates as well as Taiju and Yuzuriha had left the classroom, he noticed his classmate had left the aforementioned book in there, so he took it to put it away and return it the next day, he lifted the book and saw it's cover which portrayed Asagiri Gen himself in the front. Asagiri Gen. A magician. A 'writer'. The complete opposite of him. He saw the deep blue of his eyes. He saw it in the night sky, in his father's tie, in the sea, in the wallpaper of his computer, in his jeans. He saw the color he'd never seen before, and got excited –happy, even–. So he thanked Asagiri Gen for putting his face in his trashy book, and left it at that. There was no need for Senkuu to do anything else about this.

And that was a filthy lie, because he tamed his hair down, wore a hat and glasses to attend one of his shows, he sat on the back row, hidden. Asagiri Gen's magic show was no big thing, he used every old trick in the book with a little personal twist. His smile was big and false. Like his show, Asagiri Gen seemed to be an act. Senkuu wondered what he'd be like in reality. So every now and again, he would read one of his trashy books, aimed towards the public to produce sales, and once or twice, assisted to his shows. Never once did he make contact.

-'-

'AD 5738, April 1st'

Whoever carved that was totally insane. Whoever carved that, had kept track of time while being petrified. Whoever carved that, was awesome. And Shishio Tsukasa feared this person. This Ishigami Senkuu person had to be someone worth knowing. He was hopeful to find him alive, despite having heard Tsukasa say he'd killed him with his own hands. He was quickly despached to go find the village of primitive people and the smell of ramen invaded Gen's nostrils.

'Ishigami Senkuu must have lived, then' was his first thought.

He snuck around the people and snatched a bowl, being his usual confident self even as he got surrounded by three of them, aiming very sharp spears –and knives– at him.

"I thought I'd seen your face somewhere before, Asagiri Gen"

He turns to look at the one he can only asume, is Ishigami Senkuu, and his heart beats so wildly in his ribcage he'd swear it would burst it open. He only ever saw them once, he only ever saw him once, but Gen would recognize that shade of scarlet, that weird mop of hair, anywhere. It took all of his self-control to keep his façade. The young man didn't seem fazed at all, he put Gen to work and got information out of him, not that he was going to keep it a secret anyhow.

"All I have to do is make a false report. 'It was only a primitive village.' 'Senkuu is dead.' With that, I can save you, Senkuu-chan"

'^I can save you^ I don't want you to die'

He hoped Senkuu had gotten the message, since he didn't show any reaction to seeing him. And Gen knew he'd never mistake his soulmate.

'But. Soulmate or not, you're amazing, and I want you to live.'

-'-

He didn't know if Gen was avoiding the subject on purpose, but he supposed it wasn't good to just dodge the situation forever. The matter of being soulmates had to be adressed eventually.

"Senkuu-chan~!" Ah, yes, speaking of the devil.

He turns to look at Gen, smiling brightly, the scar on his cheek making his grin far more devious than it should be.

"What are you doing up so late at night?" he questions.

"I could ask you the same, Gen"

"Insomnia~! Your turn~!"

"Stargazing" he grins.

"You like the stars?"

"Yeah, they're a good way to know your location, and the time at night. Although, after so many years, they shifted in their place. They're not where I remember them being"

"Everything has changed" he mumbles nostalgic.

"It's not so bad. With consistent and sustained effort we can bring it back to being more or less where everything was. It'll take years, perhaps even decades, though"

"Ah, yes. You'll work everyone to exhaustion"

"You damn right, I will" he beams.

Gen can only sigh, a tiny smile tugging on his lips.

-'-

An observatory. Gen really surprised him this time. 'He must've remembered when we spoke of the stars' he mused. He really should speak to him now, he knew jackshit about these kinda feelings, but he was sure this was more than just a gift for his birthday, the words the mentalist spoke were far too much of a hint.

As if being summoned by his thoughts –again– the mentalist burst throught the entrance on the floor elegance in his movements.

"Stargazing?" he asked.

"Yes and no. I'm trying to find where the stars are now"

There's a map on the floor, notes and constellations drawn into it. Gen takes a sit right next to him.

"And how is that going?"

"My hand hurts from scribbling so much" he sighes.

The mentalist takes his right hand gingerly, tracing circles and triangles and squares into his open palm, lips pursed –almost pouting–, inspecting it as if it were an antient text.

"Don't tell me you read palms too, mentalist" he jokes.

"Why, yes I do~!" Gen answers gaze never leaving his hand.

"Oh really? And what does my future say?"

"You have a tewible luck. As always"

"Mmm"

Senkuu changes the position of their hands, now he's the one tracing figures on Gen's palm, making him chuckle.

"What does my future say, Senkuu-chan~?" he asks amused.

"It says... You will be kissed shortly"

"Eh? Kissed?"

Senkuu leaned –eyes open– and placed a chaste kiss on Gen's lips. And Gen looks cute when he gets paralized and blushing, his eyes three times larger than a moment ago.

"Thank you, for my birthday present. And for the color blue. It's beautiful"

Gen tries to speak a few times, but he only manages to look like a fish, so he gives up, and buries his face on his sleeved hands.

"Never seen you so flustered before. How cute" Senkuu chuckles.

"You're so mean~!" he pouts.

"Sorry. But it seemed like we avoided the subject for too long"

He spreads his fingers, letting only one bright iris to be discerned.

"I suppose you're right" he agrees. "You knew since the modern days who I was"

"I saw your face in one of your trashy books"

"Heh. I saw you once from inside a coffee shop"

"Really?"

"Yes. It was only a fleeting moment when you looked up" he explained sheepishly. "I wanted to go after you then, but you got lost in the crowd. I think you were with Taiju-chan and Yuzuriha-chan"

"Heh, I probably was"

"I like it. Red, I mean"

"I wonder if everyone just loves the color they'd never seen before"

"Probably most people do" he smiles, finally revealing his face.

And Senkuu takes the chance to steal another kiss. This time Gen responds, draping his arms on Senkuu's neck, the other pulls Gen closer by his waist.

Scarlet and cobalt meet, they suit each other quite beautifully.

-'-

A/N: So, I posted day one again for mistake. Kids, don't go operating heavy machinery when you're sleep deprived, just sayin', ya could get something wrong. Also on:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13464121/4/SenGen-Week-2019-2020

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Out Of The Woods (2/?)

This multi chap fic has been one that I've wanted to write for a while. I'm hoping to connect a few loose ends, since my series is getting closer to the end. Don't worry, I still got a couple of fics left in me. I'd love to thank @xerxezra whose conversations with me are always inspirational. I'd also like to thank @dorkydisappointment whose writing got my creative juice flowing and @hoodoo12 who continues to inspire me all the time.

Reference to the crystal necklace a can be found in my fic The Language Of Flowers and to safety measures in Sentimental Reasons. And finally, references to the woman in Ricks journal is from What You Found Amongst The Pages. I know, that was shameless self promotion ;P

If you haven't read part 1, then heres a link (Read Chapter 1)

In this fic the reader tries to uncover the mystery of the artist behind Zeta-7s portrait.

----------------------

Chapter 2: The Girl Who Loved Him Before

You couldn't sleep. It wasn't so much the bed, which was much harder than the one you had back home, but your thoughts. Ugh, why couldn't you just turn your brain off? If you could, then maybe you wouldn't be up at 2 in the morning questioning your life choices; that or it was because you were in an unfamiliar place.

You thought of taking out your laptop to type out the draft for a new story idea you had, or to take another sedative, but you decided that maybe you could read one of the magazines you saw on the coffee table instead. Carefully, you cracked the door to your room open, checked to see if the coast was clear before you tiptoed towards the living room. Next to the couch, was a rustic coffee table created out of an old tree trunk; on it were coasters made from a young pine. Next to the pile of coasters were old science fiction magazines; all of them older than yourself. And since you couldn't find the book you saw earlier, you picked up the stack and slipped back into your room.

Just like you did when you were a kid, you hid under the duvet with a flashlight. Each magazine was in its own sleeve, and you shuffled through them until you found a hand full you liked. The one with Gort on the cover had original stories that had been sent in by fans; your favorite being The Day The Earth Stood Stupefied, which was a story about how Gort and Klaatu managed to control the masses with charisma and Rock n Roll. Another one had a series of stories which revolved around a lonely dendrologist, who alienated everyone he knew in his pursuit of knowledge; whose increased disdain for humans had led him to madness; a marriage to the forest, and whose offspring walked the earth, searching for their place in the world. The other magazines turned out to be comic books, laced with outdated tropes and humorous ads for sea monkeys and x-ray goggles. Though, the one that interested you most was the small booklet for a funeral home.

Strange, why would this be here?

You pulled the covers down, glanced at the door just to make sure it wouldn't open before you hid again, and flipped through the booklet. From different burial arrangements to simple and ornate caskets, you assumed that either he helped with a burial or had planned one. Poor man. You placed it back in the middle of the stack where you had found it and returned the lot of it to its original place. Maybe trying to write might help quiet your brain after all.

____________________

You woke up; the cause being from the sounds which came from outside. Slipping your feet into some slippers, you stepped out of your bedroom, finding that Rick was neither in his room, kitchen, or living room. The noises got louder and seemed to be coming from the back of the house. So feeling brave, because you could totally take care of yourself, you grabbed the silly dancing moose statue from the dining table which doubled as a banana holder and stepped outside, only to find Rick pause; his ax lifted above his head, with raised brow perplexed as to what you were doing before returning to his task. “Oh, you're chopping wood.”

Log after log, he split them into smaller pieces. You had never seen him chop wood, but at the rate and diligence in which he was, made you wonder if he had cybernetic enhancements like other Ricks did; it certainly would explain a few things. When you realized that you were still holding the statue, you could only giggle at your silliness and set it down beside you as you took a seat on the porch steps; not only relieved there wasn't an intruder but pleasantly surprised by this display of masculinity. “Rick, why are you chopping wood? It's not to impress me, is it? Cause if it is, it's totally working.”

Leaning the ax against the stump, he pulled off his sweater, having warmed up from the exertion, using it to wipe his sweaty face. The t-shirt that was underneath his sweater clung to him, outlining the shape of his lean torso. Wow. “There's n-no central heating and there's going to be a cold front t-t-t-tonight. I um - I wanted to make sure there would be enough firewood.”

“Well, nothing warm hands and a pillow fort couldn't solve. Right?”

“Hohoho, n-no. Though it would be nice if that's all it - it took.”

Goodness, did you love what you were seeing, regretful that you didn't have your phone to take a pic. If he was more confident, then he'd certainly be the death of you, strolling over with a confident swagger but it didn't matter. You were so lucky to have him; dorky and all. “Rick, could you come here for a moment? I want to show you something.”

By now, you'd think he'd catch on to your mischief, but even so, he obeyed; how cute. He walked towards you, unassuming, and you stood and waited for him to be close enough so that you could lean over and kiss him. He squirmed when you did this because he was all sweaty and wanted to be all nice and clean before making any attempts of being affectionate, but you wrapped your arms around him and held him tight, determined not to let him go. “I got you, Ricky.”

“Gosh, but I'm - I-I-I shouldn't. I'm all sweaty.”

“It's okay,” you cooed, brushing his bangs away from his forehead. “I kinda like it. Besides, everyone sweats. It's only natural, and if we didn't we'd die, right? So calm down my little manly man. I'm not grossed out.”

It took him a few seconds to let this sink in.“Is there anything y-you don't like?” he wondered; neither reciprocating nor initiating.

“I don't like mosquito bites, but what does that have to do with anything? I really like you. That's what matters.”

“Th-that's - thank you. I appreciate it.”

You pressed your nose right into his hair, breathing in the scent which was naturally his intermingling with that of the forest. You knew this made him nervous, but you adored the way he smelled, especially right now; as though he'd been birthed from the ashes of pine. “You're welcome. Have you been rolling around in pine needles?” you giggled, picking out a stray leaf. “Or have you been hugging trees again? If you aren't, then maybe I should encourage it.”

“No,” he answered matter of factly. “it's um - it's from the wood. Th-they produce chemicals called terpenes, which give them their special, distinctive scent.”

“Oh Rick, when are you going to understand when I'm flirting with you?”

Scratching the back of his neck, he mumbled sheepishly. “Gee, I-I-I don't - I'm sorry.”

Reluctantly you let go, deciding that you should let him be before you had a chance to get any other mischievous ideas. “Aw, don't be sorry. You still have plenty of time to understand me. Until then, how about I make us some breakfast. Banana pancakes sound good?”

Smiling warmly down at you, he nodded. “It s-sure does.”

_______________

After breakfast, Rick informed you that he needed to go somewhere, and you were ready to go along but he confessed. “I-I-I have to get some supplies to do a couple of repairs. I've been so busy lately that I didn't realize that there were still a-a few things t-t-to do around here before I can relax. I should be back this afternoon.”

“Rick, it sounds like you're leaving me here.”

Giving your hand a squeeze, he admitted. “I am, though only because I want to return as soon as possible. I want t-to spend as much time with you as I can. I mean, I'm going t-t-to be making repairs after I return, but in other words…..”

“You're busy,” you interrupted, pulling your hand away so you could put away the dishes. “and you wanted to take care of your errands without distractions. Fine, it's whatever. I'll be here I guess.”

The mismatched dishes were an odd contrast in comparison to the many other decorations about the place, and you were relieved by this, but annoyed that you weren't tall enough to put away the mixing bowl in its respective place on the top shelf. Seeing this, chair legs scraped against the floor, creaking in complaint as Zeta-7 crossed the room; gently removing it from your hands and putting it away. If he wasn't so darn sweet, you might actually manage to stay upset at him. “Thanks.”

Studying you, he placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “I'm s-s-so sorry princess. I promise I'll make it up to you.”

You knew he would for he always did and you followed him outside towards the car. Opening the driver's side door, he stood there, fiddling with the keychains, glancing at you, at the keys, then back at you. “It won't be long. Y-y-y-y-you know where I put the freeze ray, and where the switch for the security system is.”

“Yeah,” you answered, tugging lightly on the chain about your neck, revealing the lovely crystal you carried with you always. “and I still have the crystal necklace that I only have to squeeze to be transported to the safe room just in case.”

“Th-that's good. And the Meeseeks box is in the closet. I um - they'll help if you need them.”

“Got it. I guess I'll see you later then. Drive safely.”

You turned around to head back, having heard the car door close, thinking he was ready to go, but to your surprise, he spun you around and pulled you in for a kiss. Undemanding, he sought forgiveness on your lips, supporting you as you melted into him. When he pulled away a few seconds later, he softened. “Please don't be mad a-at me. I couldn't bear it if y-you were.”

“I'm not. Annoyed maybe, but not mad. I just wish you would've told me earlier. “ you admitted in your girlish voice. “It's nice to know these things. I had plans for us to go apple picking and thought we'd bake some apple pies together. I was really looking forward to it.”

Pressing a kiss on your temple, he sighed. “Gosh, th-that sounds perfect, but it's going to have to wait. I shouldn't neglect the repairs or else one of us c-could get hurt. I hope y-you understand.”

“I do. It's a good thing you're the responsible one. Someone has to be. Just, promise you'll be safe okay?”

“I-I will. Be careful on the front porch and inside the laundry room. There are a-a few old boards that have to be replaced.”

“Okay.”

Brushing a lock of hair away from your face, he nodded. “Bye, m-mi corazón.”

Leaning into his touch, you softened. “Return soon.”

“I will.”

You pulled away so that he would go, for he would never deliberately leave until he knew everything was alright. And when you couldn't see the car anymore, you stepped back into the house, avoiding the loose boards he had mentioned. Honestly, you didn't enjoy the idea of being left alone, especially in the middle of nowhere, but it did give you the time you needed to explore the place.

_____________

You glanced at the painting again, wishing it would talk back to you. What secrets did it hold? And why Rick, your Rick and not anyone else? Did they know there were others, or were they only acquainted with yours? Ugh, this was frustrating.

You sat back for a while, thinking of what you knew; Zeta-7 wasn't the type to pose for pictures let alone a painting, so this might've been done by memory. If it was done in the afternoon light, anytime after 4 would've been comfortable if it was done outside, but what if the lighting was symbolic as to timing and not so much literal? Oh, what did you know, except that you really hoped he wasn't holding a torch for her; if he was, it'd probably kill you.

However, since you were here, you decided to check out the other paintings. There were a few that you realized also weren't signed and done in a similar style. There was one of a Morpho butterfly, eating a ripe banana. Then there was one of a half-eaten picnic and a cake covered in bees. The one next to it was of a labcoat draped over a chair and a forgotten candy wrapper lying on the floor. And the last one on this wall was of a diseased blue rose bush.

How odd. The familiarity of these subjects and scenes filled you with a warm nostalgia of past adventures. Was it possible that their story was similar to yours? Of course, everyone had their story, and if your assumptions were correct, then all these unsigned pieces were by her as well as these memories that she portrayed; funny and uncanny that they should like Morphos, blue roses, picnics, and Rick just like you. The only difference is that you weren't an artist, but then while they were, they didn't think so either.

Maybe you could almost forgive this person because they had good taste in both men and painting subjects. Then again, maybe not.

____________

Unlike the movies, the basement was well furnished and pleasant. There was a couch, a bunch of boxes stacked in the closet, and a wall of books; as could be expected from a prolific reader. You tested the couch for comfort, finding that it was way better than the bed in your room. Getting up, you perused the shelves, happy to find all your favorites as well as a couple from your wishlist; lucky you.

Picking up a leather-bound copy of Persuasion, you laid back on the couch, fluffing up the old, but clean pillows. In your hands was a well-loved copy, possibly read more times than your own. The reasons this particular Jane Austen classic held much appeal was extensive, but the main ones were because it was a story waiting, of misunderstanding, forgiveness, and reconciliation. You always got lost in the old-fashioned customs and words and it never failed to move you. However, what moved you this time when you cracked opened the book were not elegant sayings or humorous witticisms but the photographs.

Used as bookmarks, there were several Polaroids of Rick; of him dancing in an ugly sweater; of him cooking; of him playing the ukulele; of him standing as his figure was filtered amongst spring blooms; of his hands full of sunflower seeds; and of a yard full of sunflowers. You stared at these photos, dumbfounded at the similarities between the subjects and your favorite things. This book and photos must've been from her too and Ricks age in these photos matched that of the painting. Damn it.

It couldn't be true, but even inside the cover, there was a small note from Zeta-7 explaining why he gifted this book; signed with love. No, none of it could be true. However, photographs didn't lie and it meant you weren't all that special. Not caring if you stained the beginning pages with your tears, your chest ached with regret and you couldn't breathe. All this time, when your wonderful Zeta-7 paid special attention to what you loved, claiming to love only you, never wanting to lose you had turned out to be a cruel game and a lie; you being beaten by the girl who loved him before; someone who was way better than you.

TBC