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#{ ew grass
adelainee · 1 year
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It's been 24 hours of no ao3
Here's what I've done:
1. Denial
2. Refreshed Ao3 status on twitter every 5 minutes
3. Tried to read a physical book ( became heterophobic thanks Colleen Hoover)
4. Tried ffn. Failed.
5. Questioned my life choices as I clicked install on WATTPAD
6. Deleted said app within 5 minutes
7. Did chores ( failed attempt #2)
8. Tried to fix my sleep schedule ( failed attempt #3)
9. Scrolling through HCs in tumblr
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adxrnunofficial · 10 months
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huge art dump
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i cant believe i forgot to post the wtfuture designs here…
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sol-consort · 7 months
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Did the aliens think it's weird that we drink other animals' milk
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songmingisthighs · 10 months
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so there's a youtube content creator who has been dm-ing leez, maddox, eden, etc. on instagram ASKING THOSE PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT HONGJOONG TO HAVE HONGJOONG LISTEN TO THE MUSIC THEY WROTE
and... oh my god... it's... so wattpad adjacent and the people hyping this person on youtube for... trying to achieve a... "dream" ???? and the way this person introduced themself with "hi my ultimate group is ateez and xikers" and ended with "please show hongjoong this" with a link to a video they posted that has a cowboy hongjoong thumbnail like wh0t
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seabonsai · 2 years
Photo
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he does not go outside (screenshot redraw)
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friendlyeorzean · 9 months
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the face people who survived getting their ass kicked by aren see every time they close their eyes
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pikathepineapple · 1 year
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Sassy Tord 💅✨
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toddycats · 2 years
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weh.
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cxldblxxded · 9 months
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just got reminded that k and cad are both obligate carnivores and like. technically they both still need vegetables/fruits/etc but that doesn’t mean they Like them. like good luck getting them to eat a broccoli
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dykegirlfriend · 2 years
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the fuck in name of cheap drama is going on
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skrunksthatwunk · 9 months
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jumpscared by least favorite seasonal chore
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#I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST LEAVING IT THIS YEAR SINCE IT WAS SO LATE. FUCK THE GRASS IT'S SHITTY GRASS#it's almost xmas why did you not rake the yard while i was um. not around#IT SUCKS OKAY. I"M NOT A TEAM PLAYER#ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND MANDATORY POINTLESS YARDWORK#it hurts my back and my joints and it takes me forever and it's always stupid bright outside and i hate kicking the rakes and it's never#good enough because if i'm raking the yard it should be perfect right?? it always turns into a 3 day thing and the yard isn't even that big#we just all suck at it except for my dad so he spends the whole time being like well why don't you just do it this way. dad i CANT that's#why i'm doing it my way. it's shittier but it's Possible and yours is not. bruhgh i hate raking the yard sorry that's all#i am feeble and sore and i hate moving please don't make me do this#he's like why do you sit on the ground to scrape the leaves into the bags girl what else do you want me to do. i can barely do the dishes#without sitting sometimes and you want me to rake for 6 hours??? what?????#look i know this is mostly trivial but it sucks okay. fuck my stupid baka life#i have been exactly this bitter about such chores my whole life and im not stopping now. i hate being made to do stuff on a whim that hurts#me for an entire day when i wasn't expecting it okay. i feel like that's a normal response adults are allowed to have even though children#are not. something something children's autonomy etc#and honestly i just hate being in my yard doing manual labor in full view. you should not be able to see me moving around what ew gross#(<- super weird about being perceived doing anything physical) (<- hates being seen moving awkwardly and so anything but small practiced#movements are just. agh. unless they're silly and i can make them smoother but like exertion? No. oh my god i hate that)#shit like oh i don't wanna put a bra on bc that's uncomfy but what if my neighbors ogle me while they drive past i don't want that#just some gangly twink failing a basic task in the clumsiest way possible and fucking all their joints at the same time. sucks. hate#(<- man i don't even feel right EATING around people for the most part like. you want me to RAKE?? movement is a performance and you put me#up there with no rehearsal no script nothing just the wikipedia page for hamlet. i can't do this all of a sudden. what. what)#(<- i just. waughhUAGHH i hate it so so much i don't like it okay. for reasons that are yet to be diagnosed)#(<- no body language is natural to me so it must be practiced to feel natural AND YOURE PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT. IT FEELS WEIRD)#aughh. if i had the leaves on a table and a chair or something i'd be better. not great but better. but all the bending over and crouching#and scooping and getting leaves under my gloves and the scary scuttly bugs and scraping myself on the branches mixed in on accident i just#do not like it. gross#ugh at least now i have wireless earbuds. used to yank out my corded ones with the rakes pretty regularly and Oh Boy Did That Not Improve M#Situation There like. whewwww#and my dad's always like hey i know we're starting late (it's past noon here) but ummm i'd really appreciate it if we could really push
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teamfortresstwo · 11 months
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Yeah I know Y/N stuff can be annoying if you’re not interested in it but also IMO sending hate to an artist, even if you think it’s mild, it never justified
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dominicthiem · 4 months
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best season of the year is over time to go back to not caring about tennis for the foreseeable future
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gear-station-clerk · 6 months
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The Lurantis line is quickly becoming a favorite of mine. Pokemon that mimic the appearance of a type they're weak to are always so fascinating, and Lurantis is very pretty even when not shiny.
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Ewe-nique Serenity: Witnessing the Beauty of Sheep in the Sunset Glow 🌅🐑
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gloomwitchwrites · 2 months
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I'm in a roll....
The 141 in grey sweatpants. 🥵
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You're in a roll? Me too. A brioche roll. Or maybe a Hawaiian roll. Or rolled inside one of Price's many cigars. Kidding (not really). I knew what you meant.
And grey sweatpants...yes please! I am salivating over here. Literally drooling. And it's only grey sweatpants. No shirts. No shoes. Just sweatpants and muscle. (my god I need to go touch grass).
These are...spicy. How could they not be? It's our favorite men in nothing but grey sweatpants.
For the masterlist and how to submit your own request, click HERE
Task Force 141 x Reader
Content & Warnings (per the warnings MDNI): established relationship, suggestive themes, swearing, invitations for sex, dirty thoughts, sexual situations, married life, fade to black
Word Count: 2k
ao3 // taglist // main masterlist // imagines & what if masterlist
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John Price
“It’s bedtime. Bath. Pajamas. Teeth.”
“But Dad! Lucy and I—”
“Bed.” You grin into your glass as John ushers the children out of the living room. “Come on you two. I want to kiss your mother.”
“Ew. Gross!” the kids screech in unison.
The trio disappears down the hallway. You hear water running and the laughter of your children. John eventually emerges thirty minutes later. He runs his hand over the top of his head, sighing heavily.
When he enters the living room and notices you, he grins mischievously. His body is on full display. Broad chest with a lovely dusting of dark hair that trails downward to disappear beneath the band of his grey sweatpants. John is all thick muscle. A wall of strength. You’ve always loved that about him. How he seems to take up so much space or the way he crushes you with his body when he goes in for a snuggle.
John plops down on the sofa beside you. The moment his ass hits the cushion, John grabs for you. You giggle, playfully pushing at your husband as his weight tips you back, pinning you to the sofa.
“The kids,” you protest with a whisper.
“They’re sleeping,” he replies just as softly, keeping you pressed beneath him.
John goes in for a kiss. It is sweet. Slow. Deep. Completely indulgent. There is so much of him. And his scent is everywhere. It fills your lungs. Makes you weak.
Your lips part and John slips his tongue inside. You start to soften, to lean into his kisses. Each is salt-laced passion. A tease for later. He might have you pinned against the couch, and his tongue down your throat, but John will move this behind a locked door.
As John goes in for another kiss, the sound of a door unlatching comes from the hall. John freezes and you go still beneath him.
“Fucking hell,” he mutters.
Pushing up to a more seated position, John addresses the offender with a raised voice. “You best be in bed.”
There’s a gentle squeak, and then a door closing.
John sinks back down, resting his forehead against yours. He sighs heavily, and you give him a quick kiss. He returns it, and then snakes an arm under your back. He hauls you up and into his lap. You straddle him, hands pressed against his firm chest.
Through the sweatpants, you can feel his hardness pressing against your thigh. John’s hands roam downward to cup your buttocks, squeezing.
“Ready to take this elsewhere?” he asks, grinding his hips upward.
You have to stifle a moan.
“Please, John.”
With a light slap to your ass, he lifts you off his lap and onto your feet. The ground is solid. Steady. But then John’s hands return, and then you’re away, being guided down the hall to your bedroom.
Kyle "Gaz" Garrick
You snuggle into the couch and crack open your paperback book.
Everything is in order. You have a glass of wine, a bowl of snacks, the tableside lamp on, and a cozy blanket. It’s late, but it’s officially the weekend. There will be plenty of time to relax.
“Reading out here?”
You glance up, and find Kyle in the entrance of the hallway, leaning against the wall. He’s shirtless. Without shoes. Just him, his freshly showered skin, and a pair of grey sweatpants. Kyle absently scratches at his chiseled stomach, head slightly tilted as he waits for your answer.
You can’t help but focus in on every line of muscle.
“Babe,” he prompts, laughing.
“Sorry?” you reply, blinking.
Kyle laughs again, the sound sweet. He strides forward, coming to a stop beside the sofa. He taps the side of his mouth. “Got some drool.”
“Oh, fuck off,” you giggle, checking with a quick wipe with the back of your hand.
Kyle’s smile is infectious. You can’t help but match it.
“Can I join you?” he asks, already lifting the blanket.
“You’re not going out with the boys?”
Kyle shakes his head. With one hand he lifts the blanket, and with the other he grabs your legs and lifts. He slides in, and drapes your legs over his lap before returning the blanket to drape over your body. Keeping one hand under the blanket, Kyle rests his hand on your inner thigh. It stirs heat in your core.
“Tomorrow,” he yawns. “Simon has a sick kid.”
“Bummer.”
Kyle shrugs, draping his over arm over the back of the couch. His hand on your thigh is a brand, and it’s only made worse when he starts massaging.
“Is it a spicy one?” asks Kyle, nodding toward your book.
Yes.
“Maybe,” you say slowly.
Kyle smirks, and then the book is out of your hand.
“Kyle!” You reach for it, but he twists, blocking your forward momentum.
He examines the pages in front of him. Heat rushes into your cheeks. As he reads, his eyes widen.
Kyle’s mouth drops open.
“What?” you prompt. You try to snag the book but he blocks you.
He glances at you. “Are you aware of where he’s putting that gun?”
“It’s fictional.”
“When you ask me to recreate things—”
“Kyle—”
“—is this what you’re talking about?” His gaze goes from you to the book and then to you again. “I’m down for a lot of things, love, but I’m not sure I’m down for that.”
Pushing off from the couch, you snatch the book out of Kyle’s hands. He surrenders it easily, a smile on his perfect face. The blanket is a crumbled mess beside him, but that’s not what you’re focused on.
The grey sweatpants have shifted, exposing more of the deep v of his pelvis. But it’s not just that. Kyle is hard. That is very clear.
He leans against the back of the couch, throwing both arms out to rest over the top. Flexing his hips, Kyle puts himself on display.
“I’ve got something else I can put inside you.”
John "Soap" MacTavish
A delighted shriek comes from the kitchen.
Johnny emerges, completely unbothered even with the two children in his arms. He has the oldest child, who just turned five, sideways and tucked under one arm. The boy has a wicked smile of his face even as he wiggles, trying to free himself from his father’s grasp. It’s fruitless.
The other child, a boy of three, keeps shrieking with delight even as Johnny lifts him into the air by his ankle. He is upside down, arms flailing, his brown hair hanging below him.
Johnny doesn’t even blink. Doesn’t even break a sweat. He carries the two of them like it’s nothing.
He’s almost completely naked except for a pair of grey sweatpants that hang low on his hips. They show off the deep v of his pelvis, and the dusting of dark hair that spreads over his chest and descends downward. You’ve touched that chest so many times. You know it as well as you know yourself.
Johnny’s gaze is on the television, watching the football match. The kids still shriek and playfully claw at him. But he remains unbothered.
Sitting there on the sofa, you consider that a third kid might not be so bad. You’d give him a small army if he asked.
Johnny glances away from the television, and when his gaze lands on you, it is entirely knowing. Heat curls in your belly, and his smile widens.
“Found these gremlins digging in the pantry,” he says, indicating the kids by hoisting the three-year old higher into the air and squeezing the other tighter against him.
Both kids giggle manically.
“After brushing their teeth.” Johnny tuts. “What’s to be done?”
Both children continue to giggle, not answering their father.
“Sounds like it’s time for bed,” you muse.
The children groan.
“But I’m not tired,” moans the five-year old.
“Too bad,” laughs Johnny. “Come on.”
He doesn’t put them down. He carries them like that all the way to their bedroom. Even from your spot on the sofa, you can hear their manic giggling. After a while, it quiets down, and Johnny emerges from the hall.
Instead of sitting down on the couch next to you, he grabs the remote and shuts off the television.
“Not interested in the game?” you ask.
“Nope. Want something else.”
His sultry smile tells you enough.
Slowly, he approaches, coming to a stop in front of you. He offers his hand, and you take it. With little effort, Johnny brings you to your feet, and hauls you close. Your free hand immediately rises, pressing against his chiseled stomach.
“What is it that you want?” you murmur, already knowing the answer.
His hardness presses against your belly, his voice going low and gravelly as he speaks. “I’d like to spend some time between those gorgeous thighs.”
“Doing what?”
“Whatever I very well please.”
Simon "Ghost" Riley
This is agony. A terrible joke.
Simon is right there. Sweaty. Shirtless. In nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants.
He’s completely in the zone. Heavy metal blares through the stereo’s speakers, drowning out the sound of his gloved fists striking the punching bag. Morning light pours in from the open window, giving Simon an ethereal glow.
You watch from the doorway, chewing on your bottom lip, wanting nothing more than to pounce on him. Simon is all muscle, and not in a gym rat way. He is thick everywhere. You want to lick the sweat from his skin, to drop to your knees before him, and tug those grey sweatpants down.
You know what you’d find. And it sounds delicious.
But he is in the zone. And you won’t disturb him.
Pushing down the naughty thoughts, you start to turn away, to return to the kitchen and find something to eat for breakfast.
The music abruptly cuts off.
“See something you like, love?”
Simon’s raspy voice draws you back to the room. With one hand on the doorframe, you meet his gaze, and promptly melt into the floor. He has a cocky grin on his face, and his shoulders heave slightly from exhaustion.
You lick your lips. “Always,” you reply, fingers digging into the wood.
Simon’s gaze scans you. You feel exposed, like he can see through your clothes. It’s knowing. Amused.
“What is it?” you prompt, staring just as hard as he is.
Simon removes one glove and then the other. He tosses them to the side, never taking his eyes off you.
“Come here,” he says.
You don’t move.
Simon arches a single eyebrow. Instead of repeating himself, he gestures with one finger, indicating that he wants you to come to him.
Heat rushes from your cheeks down to your toes. Slowly, you peel yourself away from the door, heading for him. Simon’s natural swagger is alluring, and those sweatpants sit so low.
Just one tug. That’s all it would take. And you’d be able to take him in your mouth.
As you approach, Simon reaches out, grabbing your waist, tugging you close to him. You instinctually hook your finger in the waistband of his grey sweatpants.
Simon smirks.
You inhale deeply, savoring the manly musk of him.
“Hungry?” he asks.
“Not for breakfast,” you sigh.
“For something else then?”
You nod.
Simon leans in but doesn’t kiss you. He holds back slightly, lips curved into a hint of a smile. “Want to hear what I have in mind?”
“Yes,” you breathe.
Simon presses his thumb on your bottom lip. “I can fill that mouth.” His thumb drops away from your lips, and trails over your chin before brushing over your stomach. “And belly.”
His gaze stays on you. “What do you think of that, love?”
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