#{ even if she chooses one or the other of them she is still her own!!!!! }

[the-lazy-cat-bakes-souffles]

The scene where Jackie hauls Shauna away from Van inside the burning plane wreckage is one of the most under-discussed relative to its impact, and gives us so much insight into the characters and wider themes of Yellowjackets.

In some respects, it was the first act of violence in the wilderness. Now, by violence I don’t mean something done with the intent to harm. Jackie was placed in an extremely stressful adrenaline-fuelled situation where she had to make a choice with seconds to spare. Practically speaking, it was also a logical choice: the fire was rapidly encroaching and there was every chance that freeing Van in time was impossible, so Shauna would be fruitlessly throwing her life away. After all, the rear of the plane does explode soon after they get out.

But that doesn’t change the fact that it was callous and violent in its impact. It was Jackie, in that moment of intense danger, choosing to leave Van to burn alive - and actively prevent her from receiving help - because there was a chance that she might lose Shauna too. “For the record, I was trying to save you.” True character is revealed under pressure, and this scene is the show’s way of signalling to the audience what Jackie values most, the thing that will cause her to abandon all other principles: Shauna.

This is enforced by her later saving Van from the plane propellor: it’s an act of atonement, but also a way to convey the hierarchy of Jackie’s priorities. She loves her teammates and would trade her life for theirs without hesitation, but she would trade any of their lives for Shauna’s if it came to it (it also speaks to how little Jackie values her own life and is further evidence of her suicidal ideation).

One of the things that strikes me most about the scene is how similar it is to when Javi drowns in the second season. In both cases, Van and Javi are in severe environmental peril and desperately cry out for help. Shauna and Nat respectively attempt to save them at great personal risk, but they’re pulled away by Jackie and Misty, who have determined that it’s better to sacrifice one if it means saving the other.

While the contexts are different, the theme is the same: “It chooses.” And ‘It’ is all of them. ‘It’ is all of us. When driven to the brink and placed in the most dire of extremes, any person, no matter how virtuous, can behave in base ways. It’s always baffled me that Jackie is often framed as an exception to this by the fandom when we’re presented with such a clear example through her character on day one, long before anyone had descended into savagery. I’ve no doubt that if she’d survived and mended her relationship with Shauna she would have gone to great lengths to keep her (and the baby) alive, even if it meant compromising her strongly held morals.

In spite of everything, Van did escape the wreckage, which means that she could have been saved. And she was left with deep trauma that lingers into the third season. However much we might be able to justify Jackie’s decision, it still came at Van’s expense. This isn’t to say that I think Jackie is deep down a cruel or violent person; she’s patently not, quite the opposite. But it’s compelling to explore what moves someone to act in ways counter to their nature, their moral pressure points, and how they account for their actions. It does a disservice to Jackie to downplay her complexities and flaws, just as it does a disservice to Shauna to regard her as an inherently sadistic person when her first instinct was to risk her life to help.

Then there’s how the scene informs Van’s character. Van is an optimist who is moulded by hardship into a pragmatist, and these two forces are constantly battling within her. Being left on the plane establishes this conflict: from her perspective, her life was easily discarded by someone she trusted. Van is confronted with the harshest of truths: that her survival is not guaranteed, nor is the support of her peers. It’s something hard fought for, and something she must fight for herself.

Her relationship with Tai mirrors the codependent bond of Jackie and Shauna. Their devotion to each other leads them to sentence Ben to death despite both holding doubts over his guilt. They rig the cards to protect each other from being chosen for the hunt, in doing so condemning someone else. Van comes to understand something of what drove Jackie to do what she did, because above all else, she cannot lose the person she holds most dear.

Once any real chance of rescue is out the window, Van fully internalises this survivalist mindset. She holds onto faith and narrativises their situation to imbue it all with some sort of meaning. But it’s ultimately a coping mechanism, a way to deal with the horror she knows they can’t escape. This is why the moment a glimmer of hope reappears in the form of the scientists, she sheds it. She doesn’t truly want it, she never did. Her final act is a culmination of that; she can’t find it in herself to kill for her own gain. ‘It’ chooses, and Van chose. As did Melissa.

What are we willing to do to survive? To protect ourselves and those we love? What are we willing to lose? How much of ourselves can we give up before the cost becomes too great? These are some of the thematic questions Yellowjackets poses, and this short scene is a fascinating microcosm of that.

[d1gitalwitness]

Siuan & Moiraine: Love and Justice in The Wheel of Time

I've been thinking a lot about Siuan's final speech in third season finale of The Wheel of Time, and I disagree with the reading that it centred Moiraine, when it was about Siuan's sense of justice, and what the Light means to her. It was also very clear for the most of the season, little of what Siuan did actually involved Moiraine - they were broken up (in a sense) but still did what they had to do respectively.

"Will you stand behind this woman who stands for nothing? Who loves nothing but power?"

Ever since Elaida's introduction, we learn that she wants the throne for herself not because she cares about the world, or even the prophecy - she wants it to establish a powerful title equivalent to her rank and that was it. There is nothing behind her ambitions, which is the darkest thing of all - even worse than Melindhra who swore to the dark because she wanted to save Malkier.

Siuan is different. She never wanted to become Aes Sedai, much less the Amrylin Seat. She comes a little fishing village and wears her Tairen tattoos proudly for everyone to see; she uses fishing metaphors even in official capacity; she decorates her room like a fishing hut and doesn't care what others think. This is who Siuan's father taught her to be - never to be ashamed of her identity, and always to wear her pride on her sleeve.

"So much for the Amrylin Seat remaining neutral without favourites. No life. No love of one's own. Nothing but the Seat."

The necessity of the Amrylin's indifference is not who Siuan is, who loved her father and never wanted to leave him, who loved Moiraine so deeply that she continued their affair knowing that it ran the risk of death. She made a choice to love Moiraine when it wasn't safe to do so, because this love is what gives her life meaning. Thematically, Moiraine and Siuan's love for each other is inextricable from their pursuit of justice - they are fighting for a future they may not get to see, but to be happy while the world rots is not something they stood for.

This is where Siuan differs from Elaida; Siuan is a ruler who loves and is loved in return, and White Tower laws do not allow room for that. The intractability of the White Tower will cause them to lost the last battle. They want to cage and gentle Rand - with good reason, of course - but this decision also means that they don't have faith that Rand can choose to do the right thing. They don't trust anyone and don't stand for anything but themselves. Moiraine, despite her ruthlessness, has come to trust that somewhere in the Dragon Reborn lies a good-hearted shepherd named Rand al'Thor.

For Siuan, the Amrylin must stand for something and someone. She cannot lead the world with indifference and selfishness. Notice that Siuan wishes that they never went to Gitara's study. For Moiraine and Siuan, the thought of knowing the truth and eloping never crossed their minds - maybe if they hadn't walked into the room, they would have eloped. But they were given the burden of knowledge, and they cannot abandon the world. It is perhaps true that Moiraine and Siuan only fell in love with each other because they recognised in each other a fundamental goodness. As Anvaere has said of Moiraine, the same can be said of Siuan.

"But there are two things my sister understands better than anyone; the difference between right and wrong, and how much harder it is sometimes to do what is right."

So when Elaida accuses Siuan of working with Moiraine - knowing damn well that these two were lovebirds - Siuan tells the truth. She loves Moiraine, and she won't be shamed - the laws of the Aes Sedai need to leave room for choice, for love, and for light. If they are to win the Last Battle, they need to change. Elaida is using the ugliness of tower laws fuel her dictatorship, and Siuan saw right through it. Elaida isn't a dark friend, but she doesn't know what the light means. Siuan does, because she loves and is loved. Her declaration of love isn't about Moiraine as much as it is about the indifference and cruelty of Aes Sedais. But Moiraine and Siuan's love for each other is what sustained them; they had the slightest of hopes that winning the last battle is what gets them closer to their dreams. It is crushing and moving and deeply heartbreaking.

“Everyone has a choice and every choice has a consequence."

People fall in love. And when they do, they care about the future that they have to live in. To have "nothing but the seat" is what Elaida embodies, and in her final hours, Siuan is warning Elaida that this tyranny and narcissism will rot her soul. Elaida's countenance of shock and surprise affirms this. Unlike her, Siuan stood for someone and something. She has more than Elaida ever would hope to gain. Siuan will never become a tyrant because she loves. To discount Siuan's love for Moiraine is to overlook the choice she made to love against the grain, even when it is the most dangerous thing she could do. As Moiraine has said, every choice comes with a consequence. Both of them knew they were living on borrowed time, but that is what enriches the love they have for each other.

There is a future where Moiraine is waiting for Siuan, but ultimately it can't be because they made a choice to forge a future for the whole world, even if it means forfeiting their happiness. Even if it means they won't live to see it. There is an extremely moving and earth-shattering bravery in that commitment.

[youcouldmakealife]

SOTM: Bryce/Jared, M&Ms; Girl Dad

For the prompt: Jared being a girl dad.

And I took that literally.

“Blythe, two minutes,” Jared says. “I mean it.”

He already said this two minutes ago, and he meant it then too, but unfortunately, he doesn’t have a lot of leverage here. What’s Jared going to do if two minutes pass and Blythe still isn’t ready: drive off to her game without her? Ben's at Elaine's helping her with her garden, and Bryce is meeting them at the rink after he finishes up at the dentist with the twins, so it's just her and Jared, and it's her game they're running late for. Jared isn't going anywhere without her, and she knows it.

Blythe appears almost exactly two minutes later.

“Yeah, yeah,” Blythe she says as Jared applauds her arrival.

He glances outside to try to gauge what jacket to hand her, only to squint at the surprisingly beautiful day.

“Can you grab me a baseball hat?” Jared asks.

“Who’s slowing us down now?” Blythe says, but doubles back. They’re getting close to actually late by the time they arrive at the rink, thanks to a stretch of bad traffic — the kind of late where getting the remainder of Blythe’s equipment on becomes a team effort, Jared lacing her skates while her goalie coach and back up goalie work on her pads. Frankly it’s a miracle no one’s taken a blow to the head, but he supposes there’s still time.

He's also well aware that Blythe may well planning exactly that — Jared watched her use her head for a couple saves during her last practice, which was the single most horrifying development in his recent existence, and he has two toddlers, so he has so many other horrifying things to choose from. Obviously he told her, in no uncertain terms, that she was not permitted to intentionally stop pucks with her head, so he expects chances are 50/50 she tries to do today.

“I feel like I’m in some historical movie,” Blythe remarks. “Like some princess with six maids, all trying to get her into her ballgown.”

“Or a knight and her squires,” Jared says, because she’ll like that one.

“A knight’s way better,” Blythe says, already halfway down the hall, her back up literally on her heels. The two of them goalie shuffle with determination that makes Jared feel weirdly proud — he guesses it isn’t weird that he’s proud of his kids, but he always ends up being proud of the weirdest shit. The only person who’s proud of weirder shit than Jared is, well.

Bryce is attempting to juggle toddlers and popcorn when Jared finds them in the stands. Jared saves the popcorn just in time. “I’m confiscating this,” he says. He skipped lunch.

Bryce doesn't argue, staring at him in a way that might have made him self conscious ten years and three kids ago, but at this point, Bryce can just tell him. Jared needs popcorn more than answers.

“Girl Dad!” Bryce says.

Jared frowns in incomprehension around his popcorn, chewing as quickly as he can as Bryce hands him a terror.

He’s just swallowed when Bryce plucks the hat right off his head. “Hey!” Jared says, adjusting his grip so he can fix his hair without letting go of the popcorn or the already squirming kid.

“How did the dentist go?” Jared asks, and both terrors bare their teeth at him in unison. “Still all there, huh?”

Two nods, then the teeth go away, thank fuck. Jared’s got enough to handle right now — they don’t need to add biting to the mix again.

“Girl Dad,” Bryce says, and when Jared looks up from toddler level, he finally realizes what hat he’s been wearing since they left the house.

“Where did Blythe even find that?” Jared asks, then, looking at Bryce’s face, “Aw, fu — babe. Babe, are you — did you want me to —“

“I’m fine,” Bryce says, doing his own little shuffle so he can hold onto the hat, the kid, and dab at his eyes with some Kleenex he rescues out of his pocket. “I just — just look at how big she is now!”

Below them, Blythe’s cutting grooves into the ice, getting her crease to her liking, her shoulders set in a way that tells Jared she's dialled in, completely in the game now, that even though the puck hasn't dropped yet, if he called out her name right now she wouldn't hear. She looks like an impenetrable wall. Also like someone who would try to headbutt a puck out of the air just to get her fathers back for such horrible affronts as expressing fear for her safety.

“Most of that’s goalie equipment,” Jared says.

He presses his lips together as Bryce somehow figures out how to elbow Jared without jostling either terror from their unusual state of calm. Maybe they like the dentist. Blythe would probably say that was the most terrifying thing yet, and Jared might not even disagree.

It has been awhile since Jared’s seen this hat. Years, and not just a few of them either. After Blythe was born, someone got it for Bryce, just a simple black ball cap that said Girl Dad in vaguely cursive lettering. At least, Jared’s pretty sure it was a gift, since Bryce usually passes on the cheap online shit, but maybe none of his favourite designers had anything especially ���Girl Dad’ oriented the year Bryce became one. Or whatever.

Jared has never uttered the words ‘girl dad’ unironically in his life, before or after having kids, but Bryce leaned right into it, and for years this was his default hat whenever they took Blythe out anywhere. It got him plenty of chirps when pictures of him wearing it inevitably surfaced online, along with the weird relationship the internet had with Jared’s husband being reignited once again.

Jared had resigned himself to seeing it as long as the thing held together, but after Ben was born, Bryce stopped wearing it. He didn’t buy a Boy Dad hat instead or anything, just swapped it out for one of the seventeen other hats he lying around, and Jared hasn’t seen it since. Hadn’t thought about it in almost as long.

He hadn't even known it was missing —if someone asked, he would have assumed Bryce had tucked it away with the other things he couldn’t bear to let go of.

It's a collection Jared admittedly makes a visit to once in awhile himself, usually to go over tiny little baby socks and shoes, the receiving blanket that somehow once swaddled Ben twice around, the smallest Canucks jersey ever made, to marvel that they had, in fact, been that tiny once.

Then they get teeth.

“You want me to take —“ Jared says, and then he has two terrors in his lap while Bryce retreats, hat in hand, to have his teary emotional moment a somewhere a little more private than in stands peppered with parents of Blythe’s teammates, some they’ve known half Blythe’s life.

“You liked the dentist, huh?” Jared asks, and, because parenting continues to be so fucking weird, he gets two shiny smiles in response.

[joshujin]

dude, nice try! [teaser]

joshua hong has had the immense privilege of living 30 whole years without ever feeling so much as an ounce of jealousy. that is, until you come prancing into his picture-perfect life on your dumb burner account with evidence that his long-time girlfriend is cheating on him… with your boyfriend.

as he gets tangled in your chaotic plan to get back at your adulterous partners, he begins to wonder if this growing discomfort in his chest was ever even heartbreak to begin with, or if it’s something entirely new to him—something that has the ability to eat him alive from the inside out.

♫ get him back! olivia rodrigo ⟡ hot girl bummer blackbear ⟡ lackin’ denise julia ⟡ is this love xg ⟡ why can’t i? liz phair pairing: joshua x fem!reader cw: strong language, mentions of/implied sexual activity tags: strangers to partners-in-crime to partners-PERIOD, joshua pov, pining, he fell first AND harder hehe, a few smau bits but mostly writing, no smut, inspired by get him back! by miss rodrigo, basically john tucker must die except joshua is sophia bush hehe iykyk a/n: this was a request for jealous!shua and i’m laughing bc i started responding to this anon and said i was going to just answer with bullet points bc if i didn’t, this would turn into a whole thing. and here we are anyway… with a whole thing lol. i know he doesn't seem super jealous here, but consider the joshua x jealous arc a slow burn haha. anyway, enjoy this teaser!

dividers by cafekitsune! cover by yours truly!

joshua's phone pings, and it’s one message from you, just a little over 24 hours since your last message went ignored.

he glances down and feels his stomach turn.

i have evidence.

an hour later, joshua and jeonghan are sprawled across the latter’s living room. when they’d seen your message, both of them had quickly and wordlessly vacated the cafe they were holed up in, gotten to jeonghan’s apartment frighteningly fast, and rifled through the series of messages you sent—all of them photos you took of your boyfriend’s phone screen.

at first, joshua was just annoyed at how hard snapchat made it to read messages; most of the ones sent by whoever your boyfriend was were deleted. he was ready to wave you off and call your “evidence” a reach. but then, he got to more damning photos—photos he was vexed jeonghan got to see too.

because they just proved his know-it-all best friend right. mina was a fucking snake.

he’s shocked at the lengths they went to to be able to communicate with each other without being caught.

but perhaps the most damning piece of evidence of them all comes last: a photo of a woman’s naked back as she laid on her side in a bed—that wasn’t joshua’s or mina’s—away from the camera. it could’ve been anyone. the small tattoo at the base of her neck told joshua exactly who it was.

“so what now?” jeonghan asks, both of them still starfished on the floor and staring at the ceiling after spending several minutes furiously swiping and cussing at his screen. “let’s fill all her shampoo bottles with hair remover,” he answers his own question before joshua can even open his mouth. “oh! or we can follow her around, inevitably find this dude, and kidnap him! i’m sure this y/n person will appreciate that too!”

joshua doesn’t bother entertaining his best friend with a proper response, choosing to ignore the suggestions altogether. his mind is racing a mile a minute, trying to find the point in his relationship mina might have started straying away. has it been happening the entire time? or did she recently decide joshua wasn’t fulfilling her needs to her liking?

“… his car and it’ll probably break down and explode at some point later that week?”

he frowns, realizing jeonghan has been suggesting ridiculous things they can do to mina and your boyfriend the entire time he was contemplating his relationship. it’s his first time getting cheated on, but he isn’t surprised at his best friend’s reaction to it. he’s more surprised when silence blankets over them for several long seconds before jeonghan asks:

“are you okay?” he sighs. “i know that’s a dumb question to ask. you’re obviously not going to be okay after finding out your girlfriend cheated on you.”

his frown deepens at that. it’s a fair statement. he always imagined this kind of thing would throw him into some kind of jealous rage—emotions he’s not really familiar with. rage like yours.

he wonders if he had been the one to find out about this, would he have had a meltdown the way you did? make a burner account and find you to tell you the way you did? try to find someone to commiserate with—even if it’s a stranger—the way you did?

no, probably not. he was telling the truth when he told you that all he would do is break up with mina.

and he’s incredibly confused to find that, contrary to what jeonghan is saying, he feels very okay with that. he can’t really imagine caring enough to do anything more, and he doesn’t know why. shouldn’t he care more?

if you and jeonghan were wrong about him loving mina the way he was so convinced you were, why didn’t he care more?

“joshua,” jeonghan reaches over and pokes his shoulder. “speak. you’re scaring me.”

he snorts. “i’m fine.”

“okay…” he responds slowly. “so still in shock?”

“no, i really think i’m fine,” joshua says, shaking his head at the ceiling. “i feel… normal. i guess just confused about when and why she decided to cheat.”

“you did nothing wrong. she’s just a conniving, slutty ingrate who doesn’t know that she’s throwing away the most decent man in the universe,” he assures him. “which brings me back to my initial question. what should we do now to punish said conniving, slutty ingrate?”

joshua sighs. “we’re not doing anything. i am breaking up with her as soon as she gets off work.”

jeonghan perks up, rolling over onto his stomach and crawling to him until his head appears in his line of vision. his best friend has a shit-eating smile on his face that makes him instinctively roll his eyes.

“can i be there?”

he knows he should say no. it’s an absurd request and it shouldn’t even take joshua more than a second to answer. but as he thinks about it, jeonghan continuing to smile at him like a little devil on his shoulder, he thinks it might be nice to have him there and shame mina for cheating in a way he knows he doesn’t really care to do himself.

he shrugs. “sure, why not?”

jeonghan squeals with delight, scrambling to get up. “come on, we have to make sure you look smoking hot so it hurts her twice as bad. you can borrow my leather pants.”

“leather?!” joshua repeats. “it’s the middle of summer!”

joshua texted mina to let her know he wanted to talk to her after work and he would be dropping by. she told him several times that tonight wasn’t a great time and insisted they wait until tomorrow, but he couldn’t bring himself to give a shit about her convenience, so here he is, with jeonghan practically vibrating with excitement at his side, standing outside her apartment building.

“i still think you should’ve worn the leather pants,” his best friend says, “but you look killer. she’s gonna shit herself.”

joshua recoils at the idea but thanks him anyway.

“ready?”

he sighs. “yeah, i guess. ready as i’ll—oof!”

he stumbles a few steps and right into jeonghan as someone violently shoves him, continuing to push and slap at both him and his best friend until they’re several steps away from the entrance to mina’s apartment.

“what the—”

“and what the hell are you doing here?!” a female voice shrieks.

he wants to yell at this stranger for putting her hands on him. he wants to tell her to have some manners and to get away from him. at the very least, he wants to glare at her until she shrivels up in shame and scurries away. but all ideas of even attempting to do any of that die as soon as he lays eyes on the stranger.

your instagram photos don’t really do you justice. your photos were well-taken and curated perfectly for your profile, but now that you were—for some weird reason—standing in front of joshua and jeonghan, he can confidently call your photos dirty liars. he can’t blame them, though. he has a feeling no camera in the world can capture how pretty you actually are in real life.

prettier than anyone i’ve ever dated, his intrusive thoughts remind him. prettier than mina.

“well?!” you screech when neither of them answer you, making them both flinch. you don’t notice your effect on them, though, because you’re busy frantically looking between them and the entrance of the building like you’re scared the three of you will be seen.

he knows jeonghan is thinking the same, exact thing he is because he is never rendered silent.

“i—uh,” joshua stammers for what he thinks might be the very first time in his life. “we…”

jeonghan glances at him, face twisted in amused confusion before he schools his expression and points his signature stunning smile at you. “you’re y/n! hi!”

“who the hell are you?” you turn back to them, cross your arms, and practically bark at him.

his best friend’s laugh is exaggerated and several decibels louder than it has any business being. it grates joshua’s nerves. he glares at him but jeonghan pays him no attention. “i like her,” he mutters to him before saying, “i’m jeonghan.”

“okay, jeonghan,” you spit his name like venom, obviously unimpressed, making him giggle.

joshua rolls his eyes at him and his increasing giddiness. his best friend doesn’t date often, but he shouldn’t be surprised that he enjoys this kind of vitriol. jeonghan is, at his core, attracted to the same chaos he himself is made of.

“what are you doing here?” you ask again, raising an eyebrow at joshua to make it clear you’re talking to him.

“i’m… here to break up,” he answers weakly. “with mina! i’m here to break up with… mina.”

he doesn’t know what’s come over him, but being confronted by you in person and unnervingly close in his vicinity has him forgetting how to properly communicate. the thought of blocking you was a lot easier when he had no idea if you were a real person. now, he feels like there’s no escaping you.

“what are you doing here?” jeonghan asks the question he forgets to return to you.

you ignore him, eyes staying trained on joshua as you speak, and something about you pretending like his best friend doesn’t exist forces him to fight down a smile.

“you’re not breaking up with her today,” you order him confidently, like you know saying it is enough for joshua to agree. if the way his palms start to sweat are any indication, you might be right. “she’s up there with siwoo.”

“who’s—”

“my boyfriend,” you answer before jeonghan can finish his question. “i followed him here when he told me he was getting drinks with coworkers.”

joshua’s stomach flips. he’s not really sure how anyone can even think about another person in your presence, let alone cheat on you. maybe your intensity scares siwoo, though. it definitely kind of scares him.

“you mean… they’re up there right now… and they’re probably…” jeonghan’s sentence trails off, but you’re you and you don’t shy away from finishing it.

“fucking?” you ask with a biting and sarcastic enthusiasm. “yeah, jeonghan! probably!”

joshua winces. your fury was already palpable via DMs, but it’s near suffocating in person. it grabs him by the neck and shoves his face back into the dilemma he was quietly contemplating back at jeonghan’s apartment: why isn’t he sharing the same anger? why isn't he doubled over, throwing up at the idea of mina having sex with someone up in her apartment at this very moment?

“are you hungry?” you ask joshua.

“what?” he asks dumbly.

“are. you. hungry?” you repeat, irritation laced in your voice.

“i am!” jeonghan announces.

you give him a blank stare before looking back at joshua. when he fails to say anything, you sigh, your temper appearing to deflate infinitesimally.

“they’re going to be a while,” you inform him like you’ve done this before. “there’s a fried chicken shop i like nearby.” okay, so you’ve definitely done this before. “we can eat and… talk, i guess.”

“we would love to talk. right, joshua?” jeonghan asks, pinching his side with more force than necessary. he fights to keep from jumping.

"sure," he finally agrees. "i could eat."

"thanks for ignoring me amidst my weekend-long menty b, by the way," you say sarcastically as you set down a pitcher of beer and three glasses next to the tray of friend chicken on the table.

"ment—?"

"mental breakdown," jeonghan whispers to him as he reaches to pluck a piece of fried chicken from the tray.

instead of depositing it on his own plate, he stretches across the table to put it on yours. joshua's eyes involuntarily narrow at the gesture. he doesn't realize he's glaring at his best friend until he speaks again.

"what?" he pouts at him but his eyes glint with mischief. "ladies first."

"thanks," you murmur, not-at-all sounding thankful. jeonghan snorts. "well? explain your rude behavior." he looks back over to you to find you sulking. you add more chicken to your plate even though you haven't touched the one jeonghan gave you.

"ah." joshua shakes his head. "i was just... not all the way convinced."

"and now?"

"now what?"

"i take it you're all the way convinced?" you clarify as you tear into your first piece of chicken like you haven't eaten in years. with a full mouth, you add: "i mean, i assume you are if you're here to break up with your girlfriend."

"uh... yeah..." he nods slowly, distracted.

joshua is often described by his friends as a gentleman—elegant even. with the exception of jeonghan and mingyu—the two people who know him best—he is always polite and accommodating. he's careful that his clothes are always pressed and lint-free. he always has good posture, and he does his best to remember his table etiquette, especially in the presence of elders. he tries to be buttoned up and put-together almost all of the time, sometimes even to his own detriment.

so staring at you, wiping soy garlic sauce off your mouth with the back of your hand and talking with your pieces of chewed up chicken tucked into one, puffy cheek, he should absolutely feel repulsed.

he frowns at you and knows it probably looks like he is repulsed by you. but really, he's just confused about why you look so endearing sitting there, eating like it pains you to while taking turns glaring at your drumstick and glaring at him and his best friend.

"hello?" you wave your saucy fingers in front of joshua's face. "is he always this... spacey?" you ask jeonghan without taking your eyes off him.

"i'm glad you asked! no," the man next to him answers—also through cheeks full of chicken. "i've actually never seen him this nerv—"

"sorry, what were you saying?" joshua interjects before everyone at this table, including him, has to face the fact that yes, he is very much nervous and he's unsure why.

you sigh as you wipe your fingers on a napkin. "what is it about me that men's eyes just begin to glaze over as soon as my mouth opens?" you complain, the signature rage joshua has come to expect from you in the one hour he's known you bubbling back to the surface.

his eyes widen in horror at the thought of you mistaking his fascination with disinterest. "oh! i didn't—no, i'm not—i—"

"what joshua is trying and failing miserably to say," jeonghan cuts in, sneaking him a look that screams get it together, "is that no one here is ignoring you. he's just... trying to process all of this. after all, you had all weekend to think about this, and he just realized you were telling the truth, what? two hours ago?"

you stare at jeonghan with the same unimpressed expression you’ve been forcing on him since you met him. after a moment, your gaze travels to joshua, and he gives you a meek smile. you finally hum in understanding.

“sorry, i know i’m projecting. i’m just all…” you wave your hand wildly near your temple to mimic a muddled brain. “siwoo has done a number on me.”

joshua finally gains enough composure to string a sentence together. “i’m sorry i ignored your messages… and blocked your burner account.” you cringe at that but nod an acceptance of his apology. “and i’m sorry i’m not fully present right now. jeonghan’s right.”

kind of. not really. he was processing your existence more than he was processing being cheated on, to be frank.

“i’m just… trying to understand what’s happening, i guess. for what it’s worth, i find it really unbelievable that anyone would ever cheat on you.”

he ignores the way jeonghan inhales deeply and slowly through his nose. only joshua would be able to tell it’s the equivalent of him scream-giggling and kicking his feet when he’s trying to be discreet.

your eyebrows rise like you’re shocked joshua is capable of more than grunts and one-word replies.

“ditto,” you say plainly. joshua can’t help the immediate laugh that escapes his mouth at that, and he’s pleased when you smile for the first time since you met. “mina seems dumb. and not just because she and siwoo are ruining my life. you’re very handsome. and if you blocking me on instagram so fast was any indication, you seem very loyal too.”

you say it easily, as if giving out compliments like that is no big deal to you. maybe it isn’t, but even if that’s true, he’s going to appreciate it nonetheless.

unfortunately, that appreciation manifests in a fierce blush joshua feels spreading across his face like wildfire, much to his mortification. he doesn’t remember the last time he blushed like a pathetic schoolboy with a crush. it was probably when he was an actual pathetic schoolboy with a crush.

he clears his throat, choosing to ignore the compliment. “yeah, i guess we have the same, bad taste in dummies.”

you suddenly groan, throw your head back, and blink rapidly at the ceiling like you're trying your best not to cry. both men glance at each other and fidget awkwardly at the abrupt change of mood, neither of them being great at handling a crying woman. joshua has little to no experience with it and jeonghan tends to fall back on ill-timed jokes during times of distress.

"i followed him here months ago," you tell them unprompted. “i followed him here so many times because he was always so fucking sketchy. but his lie always involved ‘one of the guys,’ so i just thought his friend lived in that building.”

“and you found out this weekend…?” jeonghan asks carefully. joshua rubs the back of his neck nervously.

you nod, squeezing your eyes shut briefly before bringing your line of sight back to them. your eyes are glassy but your efforts to keep from crying were mostly successful.

“he lent me his laptop because mine stopped working,” you explain, rolling your eyes like having a broken laptop on top of all this is almost enough to send you over the edge. “his texts are connected on there too. i was at a cafe with a friend, and one of those verification texts came through. i ignored it but a few seconds later, it messaged again and i saw that he’d replied on his phone.”

“he told her it was safe to text,” joshua says, remembering the photos you sent.

“yeah…” you breathe, hugging yourself tightly and rubbing your arms as you try to self-soothe. “and i just sat there in front of my friends, watching him make plans with her in real time… brainstorm the lies they agreed to tell us… and i just had to pretend to be normal or else i would’ve burned that cafe to the ground.”

jeonghan coughs as he chokes on his chicken a little. joshua pats him on the back absentmindedly, eyes never leaving you, even as his best friend stretches across him, still coughing, to pour everyone a glass of beer. you sniffle as you accept your glass with a small nod, your body visibly relaxing after the first sip. he tries not to gawk when you finish the entire glass in one go.

joshua thinks this is probably what someone in love should look like when their heart has been broken: drunk and sad. now that the initial shock of seeing you in person has worn off, he can see how tired you really look. there are dark, bruising circles under your eyes, visible even under your makeup, and your hair looks like it was haphazardly put up into a ponytail to avoid having to wash or brush it. your eyes are tinged pink, a little swollen, and dull, like you’ve been crying all weekend. you have been crying all weekend.

and joshua? he’s asking himself why he hasn’t felt the urge to cry at all yet because right now, he could be the poster child for soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend who is going to be okay has been okay, is okay, and will always be okay. aside from his irritation with mina and her insane audacity, today is like any other day.

he’s never had his heart broken before this, but maybe it’s just different for guys. he read somewhere that men’s emotional intelligence develops a lot slower than women’s; maybe he just hasn’t reached a level of maturity you have.

“anyway,” you say as you stifle a tiny burp that makes jeonghan giggle for the nth time tonight, “i’m going to ruin his life.”

okay, so maybe maturity is the wrong word.

“wh…” joshua glances at jeonghan for confirmation he heard correctly.

his best friend’s eyes are lit up with excitement as he leans forward with impossibly even more interest in what the pretty lady across the table has to say. joshua would slap him if they were alone. what for, he doesn’t know, but he would.

“sorry, what was that?” he asks, trying not to sound judgmental at the risk of setting your anger off again.

“she’s going to ruin his life,” jeonghan answers for you giddily. “what are you going to do? i told joshua he should fill mina’s shampoo bottle with hair remover.”

that earns the two men another smile from you, but this time joshua finds himself annoyed it was because of something jeonghan said.

“oh my god, that’s vile,” you say even though you’re grinning and obviously love the idea. “maybe i’ll add that as a little cherry on top for siwoo.”

“oh, he’ll be so ugly,” jeonghan claims like he’s already daydreaming about it.

“you don’t even know what he looks like,” joshua murmurs.

“i don’t need to,” he responds, smiling as he stares off into the distance. “a stupid motherfucker who can cheat on our lovely y/n here like that has to look like ass.”

you roll your eyes at the compliment but your cheeks turn a cute shade of pink anyway.

“well, making him bald will look like child’s play when i’m done with him,” you match jeonghan’s dreamy tone, and joshua feels a chill of fear from having the two of you at the same table crawl up his spine. why was he a magnet for agents of chaos?

“is that why you haven’t broken up?” he asks. “you’re scheming to ruin his life?”

you frown. “what makes you think we haven’t broken up?”

joshua shrugs. “maybe the fact that you followed him here and then shoved me and my best friend into next week to keep us from attracting any attention?”

jeonghan snickers and your cheeks turn a darker shade.

“ah, right.” you nod once. “sorry about that.” you don’t look sorry at all and joshua finds himself thinking it’s amusing. “i suppose that was a bit… rude.”

joshua hums like he’s contemplating your apology but he knows it’s clear he’s fighting a smile as he brings his beer to his lips.

you sigh. “anyway, yes. that’s why i’m still with him. he doesn’t even know i know. i’m trying to get my ducks in a row and figure out the most devastating way to leave him.”

jeonghan smirks. “my kind of girl.”

joshua’s foot finds his best friend’s and stomps on it as hard as he can without thinking twice about it. it almost shocks him—how much it felt like instinct—but after the day he’s had, he thinks he’s entitled to a bit of a tantrum. maybe this is how he is when his heart is broken. a little mean.

“ow, what the fu—”

“so what’s the plan?” joshua asks loudly when your eyes snap up to jeonghan mid-sip over the glass of your beer.

you lick your lips clean of foam before setting the glass down, and joshua forces himself to look away when he notices how plump and pink they are.

“well, to be honest… i haven’t been the smartest,” you admit, seeming timid for the first time since you barged into his DMs. it’s an odd look on you. “i—um. i kind of rely on him… financially.”

the explanation comes tumbling past your lips after that like you’re afraid the two of them are going to judge you if you allow even a second of silence to pass.

“i had a job! i had a great job! but siwoo’s a bit traditional, and he comes from a more conservative family that really buys into gender roles, and i mean, fuck that, right?”

you give them no chance to agree.

“i’m a feminist! i swear to god i’m a fucking feminist!” you’re practically shouting now and the two men are so stunned, they can’t bring themselves to notice or care that the other patrons of the restaurant are starting to look over. “but i was in love! and i thought i was going to marry this moron! so i convinced myself i wanted to stay home and i wanted to clean the house and take care of a man—”

you say the word with so much disgust, both joshua and jeonghan struggle to keep from laughing.

“—and he was so happy when i quit my job like he’s been asking me to, and i thought i was happy too, like, what woman doesn’t want to be taken care of by a rich man?!”

you pause to burp briefly but it still isn’t enough time for either of them to get a word in.

“though again, i was in love! i was looking at that shithead through rose-tinted glasses! he’s nothing but a spoiled mama’s boy with a rich family! that asshole doesn’t have to do anything for the wealth he has! so now it's, like, what woman wants to be fake-taken-care-of by a 30-something-year-old mama’s boy?!”

the words come with even more disgust than “man.”

“and he had the nerve to act like he was better than me because i had to make everything i had before i met him! like, dude. if your bank account is still connected to your fucking mom’s, lower your goddamn voice when speaking to me!”

his best friend’s mouth drops open in absolute joy-filled shock at your biting remark. he���s enjoying meeting someone as chaotic as he is too much.

“and what was it for?! empty promises that he would propose soon?! endless faked orgasms for a man who’s afraid to give a woman head?!”

jeonghan chokes again, this time on nothing. joshua has more decorum but he can’t help the way his face turns bright red.

“you’d swear i was harboring a monster down there the way he cringed at the mere mention of oral, like, what is he, 12?!”

joshua has to avert his eyes to the ceiling of the restaurant at the mention of your “monster,” and he can’t even get it together long enough to nudge jeonghan when he bursts into hysterical laughter. they might as well be nonexistent, though, because you keep barreling through your rant.

“i was on track to be a director before 30! i was a fucking star! and look what he made me!” you screech, words slurring.

it takes your slurred speech and yet another burp for joshua to realize with mild horror that the pitcher of beer is almost empty, and that he and jeonghan are still on their first glasses. he elbows his best friend, who’s still cackling, and motions at the pitcher. jeonghan sighs happily as the last of his laughter leaves him and mutters a quiet: holy shit, pretty aggretsuko can drink.

“he turned me into a housewife without even making me a wife! and let me remind you: I AM A FEMINIST!” you slam your palms against the table with each word to punctuate your point. joshua can see why you picked aggretsuko for your burner account. “i support a woman’s choice to be a housewife if that’s what she wants, but my dumb ass didn’t realize that this isn’t the life i wanted until this fucking weekend! god!” you groan miserably. “all of this heartache and for what?! he cheated on me and now i’m jobless and about to be homeless and completely broke, and i…”

you seem to abruptly run out of steam, slumping in your seat and looking at your near-empty glass of beer pitifully. joshua has the urge to round the table and give you a hug, but he stays put, trying to process the whiplash of witnessing what he imagines is a mini “menty b.”

you take a few breaths before quietly saying, “i can’t believe this is what being in love got me.”

something violently lurches inside joshua’s chest when you say that.

“i can’t believe something that’s supposed to be as beautiful as love blinded me so badly.” your voice cracks. your eyes well with tears and this time, you make no move to stop them as they begin to streak your face. “how the hell can love hurt this much?”

joshua’s mouth falls open to say something—anything. any kind of comfort or kindness or advice. but no sound escapes his lips as he watches your heart break into tiny, little pieces in front of him.

he’ll look back at this moment and realize this was the first time his heart learned something he, himself, didn't know yet: what he had with mina wasn’t love—that maybe, he had actually never even been in love before. there’s no world where mina would ever have the kind of effect siwoo has on you on him. there isn't anything mina can do that would make joshua scorn the concept of love because it's something he never even experienced with her.

but for now, all he can think is that, despite barely knowing you and despite being somewhat afraid of you, he has an insatiable want to fix this for you. he wants you to stop crying. he wants to see the rare smiles they were gifted tonight on your face once more. most of all, he wants to make the man who made you cry sorry for ever entering your life.

the words are out of his mouth before he can think twice about them.

“i’ll help you.” you immediately stop crying and look up at him with wide eyes. “i’ll help you ruin this idiot’s life. and when the two of us are through with him, he’ll be afraid to breathe within a 10-mile vicinity of you.”

[prettiest-thing-in-the-morgue]

WEEPING WILLOW

summary: alternative universe where die young reader lived and actually met her siblings yet still she meets her end even in another universe.

Time never stops, nor does the world yet, whenever I peer back at your picture name , I feel like time has for you. You still look youthful , still vibrant as if the world's cruelties haven't touched you yet. Haven't gutted you out and left you for nothing.

For the first time in twelve years, I visited that tree you were so insistent on seeing that day . It's an old willow that overlooks a sea - straight out of a picture book like the ones you always read before you sleep.

Home doesn't feel like home anymore name , not without you here anymore . It feels empty and cold without you. Big brother Dick has yet to visit Gotham , his last visit was your own funeral.

Your other older brother Jason started getting violent again every patrol , he beats up criminals so bloody they practically flee. Tim hasn't said much , he's been so quiet, and he just floats around now . Damian took your death the hardest .

He sleeps in your bed every night , wailing to himself about it. Barbra and Stephanie are trying to keep the family afloat, but they know deep down we're cracking. Duke stopped playing hockey - he says it feels so wrong to not when your not there to throw the puck back at him.

Alfred started back drinking and smoking - we hear him in dead of night sobbing and pleading for you to come back home. Bruce stopped living - he barely eats , sleeps , he barely does anything . Every day, he visits your grave , flowers in hand, and just wails about everything.

Again, the willow tree on that hill just sways to the beat of the calm breeze , as if time doesn't affect it. No one would ever understand why on that Sunday you went to that willow tree alone .

No one would understand why you hugged us all so hard before you had set off . No one will ever understand why your body was found laying on the bark of the tree so lifeless and cold .

We will never understand why you choose to go by yourself - why not go with us around you. Uncle Clark told Bruce, " Name was always a kind child , she didn't want you all to have the last memory of her to be sad sad." Your dad punched him in the face - he had argued , " my child didn't have to go through death by herself!" .

We would never know why - it's not like you're here anymore to tell us to comfort us. Long gone with the Friday nights, we all stayed up past 4 A.M. , all ganging up on Bruce and Tim in monopoly, Dick always quick to tackle Tim to the floor because he swears he robbed him of $100.

Gone were the days we'd all make bets if Damian was going to walk in with a new stray to his name and watch him and Bruce go back and forth on it. It feels like yesterday when Barbra , Steph and Cass took you to sephora and convinced you to buy that one overpriced lipstick. It's still sat on your nightstand idly.

Gone were the late nights , Jason and you would have snuck out late to drive around Gotham on his motorbike and stop by Dairy Queen. Gone were the quiet evenings spent with you and Tim building a castle on ya'lls minecraft base.

Gone were the days you and Damian would argue when you would both try to build legoes and would fail miserably . Alfred misses the times where you use to join him in attempting to cook - god knows the evidence of your attempt to fry an egg is still stuck on the ceiling.

Bruce misses your hugs the most - you were the only child he had that actively hugged him, and he missed the way how after patrols you always made him hot chocolate .

Nothing feels right - never will because you're not here . It feels wrong to walk these halls, knowing you would have walked them too . It's weird living knowing you could have been living - breathing along with them.

It feels like no matter what universe we have you in , you always leave, and it always hurts. Why must in every universe you leave us behind ? Why must every other universe does God have to take you away ?

Why must in every universe we always mourn you ? It hurts - it hurts so much to watch your body be covered in soil . No one talks about how you practically hold your breath when you see your loved one go down in that grave as if - by some miracle, they'd open their eyes and jolt out the grave. It sounds so ridiculous, but they'd never get that desperation of wanting that loved one to be alive.

It hurts when we hear about the rumors - the rumors that you killed yourself ? That you went to the willow tree to end your life ? Bruce had practically went raging mad that evening when he got word - that same night, the entire PR team got to work into suing those persons.

Some suspected you got possessed because you had sold your sold your soul off - that's why you hugged us all before you left - you didn't want the demon to follow the family back home. It was a stupid rumor going around in school, and Damian had practically beat the shit out of the senior who started it.

Some said we abused you - that had Alfred cursing them out because how dare they - you were loved in this family and still very much loved even though you are long gone.

No one would know , not even we will - all we know was one Sunday evening . Dinner was being set up when Bruce got a call from Comissioner Gordon , " Two passerbys reported seeing your daughter laid unresponsive atop Willow Hills" .

Bruce dropped everything in that moment and immediately bolted to that willow tree , the others running behind him . He didn't wanna believe it - wants to believe you're just asleep - had just accidentally dozed off and lost track of time because there was no way in hell his 15 year old daughter is dead.

When the others reached him , they just saw him embracing you and crying his heart out . You were long gone , had long passed away without them, and none of them knew how to handle that reality .

We miss you name , please come home , we need you back .

▬▬ Wayne Family

Taglist ▬▬

@itsmossy @sugarrush-blush @shirp-collector-of-fixations @anteroz @cxcilla @shynerdtriumph @amber-content @azulesworld @1abi @crazycaoticsimp

ty for reading <3

[zionzael]

SEVIKA x CHAPSTICKLESBIAN!READER HEADCANNONS

• Sevika who at first didn't like and found you way too masculine compared to her type.

• She was too scared of having a relationship with someone appearing more masculine because she feels like she can't protect them or they wouldn't get along.

• Sevika who denied and ignored the fact that she was catching feelings for you but secretly looks aat you whilst you're working at The Last Drop.

• You would catch her sometimes without her even noticing it and when she does, you chuckle at her reaction. Eyes wide and tanned skin suddenly turning pink.

• Sevika who's always stuttering, acting grumpy, and avoiding your gaze when you come over to her table to take orders.

• You would purposely lean closer to her to "hear her better" when she accidentally meeks, careful not to let out a laugh so you could watch her stumble over her own words.

• Sevika who started to feel comfortable in accepting your feelings, that insecurity she has about liking someone "not feminine enough" finally leaving her system.

• Sevika who started making a move on you and giving you hints by staring at you (checking you out) without shame.

• You did the same. You would catch her eyes and hold eye contact with so much tension until you have to look away to do your job.

• Sevika who started coming up to you and complimenting your fits every chance she gets. Sometimes she would still be nervous and shy but she slowly built her confidence.

• You would always smile at her so big, your teeth showing and eyes squinting that she found so adorable so she found ways to see more of your smiles.

• Sevika who asked you out on a date (a thing she's never done before) whilst drunk, she got down on one knee and started crying and begging you to go out with her.

• You said yes and she ended up jumping around in joy then threw up on your favourite shirt. You had to take care of her and when she found out what she did in the morning, she almost cried so you kissed her.

• Sevika who was so shocked when you kissed her that after your date, she immediately asked you to be her girlfriend. She had a whole party at The Last Drop, just for you, your name spelled out on the wall and she held a mic over her mouth and started yelling! how beautiful and amazing you are.

• You said yes and she screamed the loudest she's ever had in her whole life then went over to carry and twirl you.

• Sevika who broke someone's jaw when they dared to ask you "Who's the boy in your relationship?"

• Sevika who's always buying you new clothes and stealing expensive stuff from Piltover just because she likes seeing you plan your outfit and try clothes on infront of her.

• You always begged her to let you style her and she groaned, eyes rolling so hard you almost felt offended, before saying yes.

• Sevika who's now always looking like she came out of a runway show every time she goes to work and Silco would always tease her about it. "Who's your girlfriend? Alexander McQueen?"

• Sevika whose adoration for you seems to never run out and only grows. Even though she feels insecure about you appearing more masculine than her and people telling you that you're not fit for each other, she chooses to ignore them and just live life with you.

• Sevika who ended up crying like a baby when she proposed to you and when you two got married. She even cried when you had sex on your honeymoon because "sex with you is just too good".

[terrestrialnoob]

Okay! How to get Team Phantom (+Valerie) onto a DC Superhero Team?

Danny: The usual ways. They just asked him to join because he's already a superhero, he's saved from an angst-basement and has nowhere else to go, his parents/sister sign him up for a superhero internship - whatever, there's already a thousand ideas for Danny out there.

Sam: Goes full plant witch: chloromancy, herbalism, and potion arts. She's mostly a support hero... because she got caught doing an eco-terrorism and being part of a "superhero youth team" works as a Community Service option for underage meta-human criminals. Most of the heroes agree with her fundamental ideals, but they can't let her run around being judge, jury, and executioner on people who don't necessarily deserve the blame, who haven't had the opportunity to learn and change, or important people who, alive can and deaths will, start WW3. She gets told "The solutions to these problems are more than just killing the "right" people, Miss Manson." on an almost daily basis. She's more convinced to behave more like a hero because she finally finds people who do think the way she does and have more options for social change than just "break the thing that doesn't work" (and she can get a clearer list of the real people who deserve the blame for social injustices and how to more sneakily effectively remove deal with them until the world is fixed).

Tucker: An ancient Pharaoh and master sorcerer, who interacted with previous incarnations of the Hawks. They low-key adopted him, and he learned reincarnation magic just so he could spend time with them again. And since Katar and Shayera are soulmates, they call Tucker their soul-son, even though they're not necessarily the kind of people who would go out of their way to be parents, they still deeply value their relationship with this teenager. Tucker also evolved his magic into technomancy - because the core of his soul just really loves learning whatever the highest, most advanced field of study his current incarnation has access to. Also, imagine he gets giant, gold, prosthetic wings made of Ancient Egyptian magic and Ancient Thanagairan technology that his Pharaoh self made centuries ago.

Valerie: Has a Crisis of Loyalty - does she stay loyal to her ideals? stay loyal to Vlad as, essentially, his henchman? or does she find something better to be loyal to? She ultimately decides to throw away the high-tech battle jumpsuit Vlad gave her and Technus upgraded, then asks Danny for his parents' tech so she can keep being a ghost hunter. Danny's on the fence, he wants her to stop trying to kill him, but also doesn't really trust her - she's already chosen killing one of his identities over having a relationship with the other, and getting kidnapped and tortured will affect your ability trust someone. So, he passes her off to Pandora who can do a literal magical Test of Moral Character. Valerie has to essentially choose what she's actually fighting for, if she's still hunting all ghosts for the mistakes of two, if she's still working off the lies she was told by Vlad, what does she really want? When she proves that she's in it to to keep people safe and not for her own selfish vengeance, she gets sent to Pandora's old home, Themyscira, for a training montage. She comes back, looking very Wonder Woman but completely unrelated to Wonder Woman. However, Diana recognizes the Acolyte of Pandora and helps her find a nice, teenage superhero team to join up on... wait, why is the rest of her friend group already here?

[halo-stylinson]

"they're not being forced to do anything, this is just their job now and they stunt willingly!" are you fucking stupid.

rant incoming, strap in folks.

ive seen a shocking amount of longtime larries lately downplaying the severity of harry and louis' situations, acting as though their signals and codes are "coincidences," and pushing the idea that harry and louis have full control over their PR moves when that has never once been the case in the past 15 goddamn years. and its not just disappointing, its frustrating. where has everyone's critical thinking gone? what changed?

you all talk about how much holivia damaged harry's public image and compare holivia to mcdumblinson, but then in the same breath act like louis is choosing to stunt with zara. is the cognitive dissonance that thick? or are you all now suggesting harry willingly participated in holivia? both of those potential options concern me, frankly.

we can all agree zara is actively damaging louis' public image, right? so, why on earth would louis be stunting with her of his own free will? are you suggesting he's that stupid? because hes not. louis is incredibly intelligent and to pretend hes stupid enough to continue pushing this stunt when its clearly not helping him is insulting.

but i know what question will be begged: "they're multi-millionaires! they're grown men now! dont you think they have the money and freedom now to do what they want?" if that was the case, there wouldnt be anymore stunting. ever. money does not equate to freedom, nor does age. has everyone suddenly forgotten the kinds of contracts these men are under? the professionals they are stuck working for?

in terms of pure financials, yes, they probably could buy out of their contracts. and where would that leave them? blacklisted from the biggest companies in the industry, smeared in retaliation by the media those companies own, and honestly? their lives could be at stake. think of how many incredibly famous artists have died for political reasons or because they challenged the agencies that own them. this isnt to fearmonger, this is to bring up PRECEDENT. precedent you all seem to have willfully forgotten.

but even on top of all that, are we forgetting that these boys have been groomed since they were 16-18? jeff azoff has been scouting harry since 2013, and hes only one example of the terrible people these men have been surrounded by since they were teenagers. harry and louis have never escaped sony. when they respectively escaped syco, they both signed to other labels sony owns. harry has been signed to columbia (and the azoffs) since 2016, and louis has been signed to his companies and labels since 2020 when syco music dissolved. which makes me beg my own question- what the fuck do you all think has changed? in the past 5-9 years (respectively) what do you posit has changed to give harry and louis this freedom youre all claiming they have? theyre still closeted. theyre still being forced to stunt. theyre still being forced to surround themselves with shitty people.

louis looks beyond uncomfortable in every photo with zara. he is clearly not doing this willingly. harry is a genuinely good person, hes not willingly hanging around the likes of KID HARPOON, who GROPED HIM AT THE 2023 GRAMMYS. or did we all forget that? i think we did. zara is from love island, a show louis HATES. shes the type of person he never associates with normally. the azoffs are RIFE with controversy that could make its own fucking masterpost. if you think our harry and louis, two very smart, very kind, very intentional men, are WILLINGLY surrounding themselves with these types of people, you are biting the media koolaid and HELPING THE PROPAGANDA SPREAD.

AND ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT, i want to REITERATE that these two men have been lied to and coerced and groomed since they were teens. that means, in case none of you have ever been in abusive dynamics with authority, that they likely dont know all of their escape options. firstly, their options for escape are few and far between, and at absolute BEST would end their careers and turn them into GP punching bags because of the smear campaigns that would follow any pushback or contract buyouts. secondly, the professionals and lawyers theyve been surrounded with for the past 15 years are all cogs in the industry music machine. even back on TXF we know their lawyers were paid off by syco to push them in the desired direction with what they signed. that was just one reality tv show, and its a microcosm of the industry at large. not only do they have limited options, they dont even know what all of those options are. its not like their abusive managements are gonna tell them how to leave. thats not how this works.

but again, even if they had access to all of their options, even if they had access to unbiased legal advisors, even if they wanted to end their careers- they wouldnt escape without being hurt in some major way. im not talking out of my ass here. look at other cases of major celebrities who have left their labels or publically denounced the industry. look into major artists who have mysteriously died. hell, look into the p. diddy case and the people he put hits out on. open your fucking eyes and look at the precedent you older fans were AROUND FOR. i wasnt even HERE, and i can see it.

my last point is anecdotal, but stick with me here. when you are a victim of an abusive authority figure- in HL's case, the entire industry full of abusive CEOs and managers- for as long as they have (15 years, mind), it becomes less scary to stick to whats familiar. they know its bad, they clearly hate stunting and being closeted, but its a familiar fire to burn in. i know that feeling. i spent 17 years under an abusive authority figure and during the brief windows where i thought i could feasibly get out, i was too scared and far too conditioned to try. taking a stab at HL, id guess this is where theyre at. maybe they could, in some lucky way if everything were to align, escape and minimize the harm they suffer from it. but theyve been conditioned against trying, conditioned against believing in that possibility, and conditioned to go along with what theyre told.

so again i ask, what do you all think changed? why do you think harry and louis are suddenly free to do as they please, after all these years, when theyre still signed to the same companies and still showing signs of distress? when theyre still coding their clothes as a subtle cry for help- which, by the way, never stopped. why on earth did everyone up and decide they stopped coding their clothing? because 1 popular larrie blog said it, and the rest of you parroted it like gospel? was a real reason ever given for that spontainious conclusion, or are you all just reverting back to the comfort of willful ignorance and slurping up the media slop?

nothing has changed with their situations. a lot of you just seem to have stopped fighting for them. its easier to be complacent, to only care about when new music is coming, to not worry about harry and louis as people. to not worry about supporting them and making sure they know that some of us pay attention and know their truth. some of you are losing those tenents, and its upsetting to watch as a newer larrie who has all the conviction in the world to fight for these boys and show them that they are supported.

the attitude ive seen from some of the older larries on here lately is akin to what id expect from the GP, or solos, but not larries. you are all smarter than this and you damn well know it. the downplaying and disregarding of things like louis' plead for our support, the coded clothing, the subtle hints that theyre still being controlled, is actively helping their managers and PR teams sell narratives like mcdumblinson. through your complacency, saying everything is "just a coincidence" or "the boys' choice," you are aiding the enemy in their pursuit.

this fandom has lost enough voices. i dont want to watch the remaining prominant voices turn into blind sheep and merge with the GP. thats the last thing HL need right now, in such an age of ignorance and finding comfort in participating in a lie. do better, reopen your eyes that i know must have been open at some point for you to become larries. not for some random tumblr user, but for harry and louis. they need all the support they can get right now.

[pinayelf]

The King and the Witch and their doomed love

as zedd said. . . . . if our love is tragedy why are u my clarity or whatever

disclaimer: this is my own personal take on my own warden and alistair's relationship. others have different takes and happier endings with wardenstair and those are valid. amihan's relationship w/ alistair is 100% tied to how i wrote her as a character and how she moves around the thedas sandbox

i love alistair, and while i do lmao this meta will be sort of...critical (?) towards his actions, but Softly TM. so if you don't want to see that, skip this one

also sorry amihan </3

--

There is amazing untapped angst potential between Alistair and a non-Cousland warden and sometimes I love pain so unfortunately I put Amihan through it

Amihan and Alistair are the youngest out of all my DA OCs and their LIs. They have immaturity and lack of experience that eventually becomes the biggest reason why they never managed to work out what happened between them.

Amihan, being a Circle mage, has also never been in the outside world. Nor has she had any relationships outside Kinloch - which one could argue is its own ecosystem with its own set of social rules that doesn't line up with the ~outside world. Not to mention Amihan is deeply unwell, and Alistair is too.

The love was real, they did truly care about each other. But Amihan didn't know how to express it correctly. Alistair has no experience with romantic relationships. They're about to fight a demon army. They're essentially college kids suddenly thrown into trying to save the world while also dealing with politics.

Alistair isn't a leader (like come on, he insisted Amihan, who hasn't been outside for more than a decade lead), so he does what Eamon says (unfortunately). He does what the law says (he can't be with a non-Noble). And he breaks Amihan's heart.

(This is not saying Amihan deals with this healthily btw lol, she's young, angry and wants to hurt him back).

Before someone argues "Amihan can just be his mistress", that would also never fly. The biggest thing Amihan NEEDS is for someone to choose her, to finally put her FIRST. As his mistress, she'll never be first, he essentially chose Ferelden over her. Amihan would eventually feel like a dirty secret and the relationship would die out too.

For Amihan, the biggest deal breaker was that Alistair never fought for her. And honestly? He didn't.

Maybe if they were older and more mature they could've eventually talked it out, become civil, or maybe even rekindle that. But they didn't. They let the wound fester until it ate away at the flesh and whatever kept them together had to be cut away.

I don't know if Alistair would've eventually fought for her. And I understand why he didn't - he had an abusive childhood with Eamon. In fact, he is similar to Amihan where the adults that were supposed to care for them tossed them aside like trash and used them like pawns. Alistair still hasn't realized this about Eamon and he trusts him.

But he still hurt her. He didn't do the One Thing that Amihan wanted him to do and tragically it's why they didn't end up together. And I don't think it could ever work unless Alistair rescinded the throne.

They were just kids in an impossible situation.

[seijorhi]

I’m still stuck on Powder Keg even after two months—it’s like the story embedded itself deep into my subconscious. I have this irrational fear that one day, when I’m old and have Alzheimer’s, I’ll accidentally blurt out something like, “You can google it, you know? The rape and the trial...” to my nurse. Anyway, I’ve got a few questions.

-Akaashi seemed nostalgic about the ramen place memories on campus. Do you think they (or at least Akaashi) felt any regret after raping reader for the first time? I imagine the reader must have looked really hurt and broken.

-They had the location set up, ropes and handcuffs, and Kuroo hid the reader’s phone. But, did they have any plan for what to do after everything was done? If the reader hadn’t managed to escape, what would they have done next after 3 days? Did they ever consider that they might go to jail for this? They just feel so sure they’d get away with it or “we’ll deal with it when it happens” situation?

-Why did the reader ask Kasumi who the attacker was? I thought the reader knew, since she’d had a “rough day” begging them not to go too far with Kisumi. (Maybe I misunderstood something here—English isn’t my first language, so I’m still confused about that part.)

-“A flash of irritation sparks, and his eyes narrow. ‘She agreed to come with us, and we didn’t abuse her. We’d never.’” — Did Akaashi actually believe that, or was it just a defensive response to Sumi? From Sumi’s words, it sounded like the reader had suffered serious physical harm. So why would he say something like that?

-Was the reader kept inside the “house” 24/7, or was she allowed to go out at all? Like, did she have a job or get to run errands on her own? I’m trying to picture how it worked—did she completely disappear from the outside world and get locked in a basement like in Bo Wants a Picture-Perfect Relationship, or did she retain some personal freedom, as long as she behaved?

Thank you!

hehe

no, they don't have any guilt over it. akaashi might on occasion miss how light and joking she used to be around them but he wouldn't trade it for what he has now. regretting it would mean wanting to take it back, and not one of them would choose any differently if they had the chance.

yes and no. it wasn't exactly a plan as such, more a mutual – and unspoken – understanding over the lengths they'd go to and the reader's likely reaction to that. they had three days to smooth over the rough edges – it can't be rape when there's kisses and cuddles and steaming baths to soothe sore muscles afterwards, right? and there'd be video evidence, wouldn't there, of her falling apart on their cocks, telling them she loves them, curled up and asleep in their arms afterwards. it can't be rape when the love's clearly there, right?

the reader knows that bokuto was the one to attack kisumi, she asks the question to gauge what her cousin remembers about it, how much she should reveal etc. ultimately, kisumi's in more danger because she remembers it clearly. she's a greater threat, but the message sinks in all the same

i wouldn't necessarily say he's delusional about it, but he also doesn't think he's lying. it wasn't abuse in his eyes, they weren't slapping her around or beating her, they weren't trying to make it hurt. they love her, so it couldn't have been abuse.

she wasn't locked in a basement chained to the wall, but she certainly wasn't leaving. maybe in the future they'd grant some measure of a leash – so long as she with one of them – but they provide for her. there's no need for things like family, jobs, other people, personal space

[ulteri0rm0tives]

I still think about my mutuals tag where he said that he thinks Johnny feels so much and so deeply that it literally drove him crazy. And yeah. Just think about it constantly. It's. The statement I associate with him. The first thing I think of when I think of him.

I really, really, really dislike when people paint Johnny as this totally unfeeling asshole. Or at least, I heavily disagree with it. That's not to say he isn't an asshole, he 100% is. He's a jerk to the people around him, and of course there really is no excuse for how he treats people. But explanations =/= excuses.

I feel when people try to paint him that way, it comes from a place that lacks understanding or even an unwillingness to understand. This goes hand in hand where I'll see these people call him an unfeeling asshole while using terms associated with cluster b disorders and using the social weight they carry to demonize him, a very prevalent problem reflected in society and internet pop psychology culture.

They'll take the fact he's a 'narcissistic junkie', and not only at the same time use it to demonize people with NPD, but also drug users. It's just a very lazy way to paint a picture of his characterization, by using loaded terms as a crutch and letting their social weight, using yours and others people's biases, do the job for you. Like man, if you're going to make a critique of his character can we at least actually put some effort behind it.

Like. They think he's a user who's an unfeeling asshole to people just for the sake of being one. They see him engaging in these self endangering, self harming, self sabotaging behaviors and brush it off as nothing more than him being like that simply because he likes it, that he relishes in it even. Simply because he wants and chooses to be like that.

They don't see him using as a way of numbing himself (this especially with the fact drugs are the first thing he goes for when Alt breaks it off with him). They don't see that constant toxic push and pull in his relationships as self sabotage. They don't see the fact him going on that OP was a suicide mission. Literally.

I truly believe he never intended to come back from that mission, evident in his last exchange with Kerry, evident in a LOT of his own lyrics. (Black Dog, Ballad of Buck Ravers.)

Johnny clearly is passionate. He clearly has things he cares about. He clearly feels.

I'd even go so far as to say he genuinely does care about the people in his life, he just simply doesn't know how to show it properly or in a way that's healthy for anyone involved. Even when Alt breaks up with him, and he pushes her away for it, he still ends up chasing after her before she's even left the venue. He still tries to protect her. When Alt gets abducted, and yeah, he's being a leadheaded stubborn idiot about it, he still goes after her.

And even if it's self aggrandizing in a lot of ways, he still cares about her life enough to raid a whole fucking tower for her. Even if it's more in the view of what Arasaka took from him, than what it did to her, he still cares about her in his own way. He still grieves her. He's still broken up when she dies right in front of him, and he still acts out even if it's violent and angry. His grief has ALWAYS manifested this way.

When he sees the headlines about Kerry, he asks V to check up on him, to visit him. He even asks Kerry about it because (I think) it came from a place of genuine worry shown the best way he can show it, a straightforward question and dropping it when he gets an answer, no matter how truthful the answer is. When Kerry gets the idea for a one time reunion, Johnny agrees to it because he thinks 'Kerry needs this'.

I also think people see that he's a very angry person and attribute 'unfeeling' to that. Because to them, to a lot of people, anger isn't a valid emotion nor one with as much value as happiness or sadness. That's it's something less than. Even if anger was all he felt, it's still a feeling. He still feels it. He still feels.

His anger, though it's execution is obviously a problem, it's extremely fucking justified and valid. It's born from the mistreatment of a system that only destroys people's lives. Born from a system that only knows how to take, how to hurt, how to kill.

The same system that took, not just a literal piece of Johnny, but so many pieces of his identity and his life that he literally tries to project himself as an entirely new person to escape this.

Johnny cares about how the system treats people, especially people like him. How it uses people and chews them up and discards them when it's taken all it can from them. Johnny cares so much he becomes not just a voice, but thinks he is- and in a lot of ways he does really become one- a symbol for people like him.

That OP functioned as another rescue mission for Alt, another statement for his ideals, and his blaze of glory to go out on his own terms.

Johnny cares about things. Johnny cares about people. He has feelings. Complicated, convoluted, deeply traumatized feelings. Feelings that are so intense, that it harms him. Feelings that are so intense, that it bleeds from him and harms others, too.

And honestly, I'd say the one and only person he stopped truly caring about was himself. A long, long time ago.

[a-man-in-the-crowd]

finally got around to drawing some hunger games au shit here ya go

[yapping below]

i had a good time trying to draw annabel's hair. she doesn't have rag curls, but she still has curls! still tryna figure out exactly how i want her dresses to look but yk i'm working on it.

i was thinking of what characters would have as their district token, and i settled on a pearl necklace for annabel. me personally wouldn't wear a necklace to an arena where everyone's trying to kill you (i say like i wasn't the one who made her make this decision) but. to each their own. 🤷‍♂️

speaking of the arena, i went with something pretty plain. the arena in my head so far is kinda supposed to be a mish-mash of past arenas in-universe, and it's basically referencing the hedge maze, so i wanted the arena wear to be decently versatile.

eula's reaping outfit is pretty similar to her death outfit in the comic minus the jacket, and will's? uh. idk i was just like 'patched up t-shirt' and rolled with it.

oh yeah and the little look will is giving eulaaa. i don't wanna say exactly what's going on in his little head just but AGH i love the angst of them being the only people who ever tolerated or noticed the other and being put into a killing game, forced to spend the next few weeks knowing at least one of them is going to die. eula genuinely sees will as a friend, even in the arena she clings onto the idea that he'll join their little group. no one really believes in either of their chances of survival. eula might not realize (or is choosing to ignore it), but will? he knows very well. at some point in the first book peeta mentions his mom genuinely didn't believe he was going to win — i don't doubt something similar happened to will.

on a lighter note, imagine thirteen siblings and two parents squeezing themselves in a room trying to say their final goodbyes to will in the span of like five minutes. more probably, they took turns but... just imagine

[rekino2114]

40Angst to fluff~ :you flinch during an argument ❤️‍🩹

Let's go with the girls. I think this would fit and be most affected by the flinch. Soo~ Arei nageishi, Maki harukawa, and Tenko chabashira with a Male S/O.

I was gonna choose either junko or Mukuro, but Tenko is more interesting since with a Male S/O, it's a genuine worry given how she gets with other guys. Also, I'm hoping that with the prompt, the M. S/O has a history of either being mistreated by an S/O or their family.

Arei, maki and tenko reacting to you flinching during an argument

Arei nageishi

Arguments with arei are unfortunate, pretty frequent, obviously she doesn't hate you, and wouldn't do things that purposefully make you angry but her personality is just the type that gets angry easily and can make even small disagreements escalate into arguments

However, despite how much she yells and gets angry at you during these arguments, one thing she will never do is raise her hands on you. Not only does she not actually mean most of the stuff she says when she's arguing but she also thinks that's just despicable, she may not be a good person but she's not a monster

So when she saw you flinch, she could not let that go. She refused to leave you alone until you told her everything that was going on, she was a bit aggressive but it was because she was genuinely concerned about you

Whenever you told her everything, she was a mix of emotions, mainly anger, both at your family but also a little bit at you because you didn't tell her earlier. Her own sisters did some very similar to her, so she felt she could relate to you, and you could help each other cope with the trauma, but now that she knows she's going to be there for you

"Are you an idiot? Do you seriously think I'd ever hurt you? I love you and I'm not like those assholes like our families, I actually care about you.....a lot. So don't ever think I'd do something like that OK?"

Maki harukawa

Ever since Maki revealed her true ultimate to you, you felt kinda intimidated by her, you knew she loved you and would never hurt you, it still felt kinda uncomfortable and scary living with someone who has killed people before and could kill you

So maki tried her best to make you feel safe around her, constantly saying she how much she cared about you and that she'd never do anything to harm you and most importantly never raise her voice in arguments, she didn't want to give you the impression she was more upset than she actually was

However, one time during a particularly nasty argument, she started to yell and to make matters worse, tried to touch you which caused you to flinch. When she saw you flinch her eyes widened and she forgot whatever reason why she was angry, she needed to hear the reason why you flinched

When you explained what happened to you, she was mortified. She immediately apologized for raising her voice and causing you to flinch, but even after you told her it wasn't her fault, the guilt still didn't disappear, she reassured you again that she was never going to hurt you and that she will help you heal from what happened, you were her precious boyfriend after all

"Listen y/n I know I may appear.....distant at times but just know that I love you and will never ever in my life do anything to hurt you, I would much rather die than harm you....so please just know that I will stay with you and help you with whatever happened, I'm here for you"

Tenko chabashira

You have seen how aggressive tenko can be with men, and you have also seen beat the absolute crap out them for some basic misunderstanding or because they "gave her a bad vibe" so it's no surprise that even if she tried to convince you she'd never do that to you and that you were different from other guys you still felt a bit scared of her

During arguments, tenko tends to be very loud. She's just very passionate about what she believes is right, and so she doesn't really like losing fights but will admit when she's wrong even if embarrassed. But when she saw you flinch her attitude completely.

She will never hit you, hitting the man she loves is not only the least honorable thing she could ever do, the thought itself makes her sick, you're one of the very few great guys in this world why would she ever consider hurting you?

She genuinely thought about beating up whatever men in your family hurt you. She loves you and absolutely hates the fact that someone else hurt someone as perfect as you, but now she's here for you and is never let anyone hurt you again

"I get it now, you though I was like your family, but you're wrong.....u-uh I mean I'd never hurt you like them, I bet most of them were degenerate males, they're nothing like you, you're sweet and kind and perfect and I will protect you from everyone and everything, if someone hurts you again just call me and I'll kick their ass"

[aventurineswife]

so how do you think sahsrau would react if they found out that fem reader liked one night stands like she has a body count in the hundreds (her personally is kinda like the girl from that rabbit hole song) would they be horrified to learn that their creator was defiled by such lowly insects or would they also choose to adopt her life style just wondering since as you've said in a previous reply to and ask sagau's and sahsrau's don't really get into the human aspect of the reader

Also love your writing love you!!!!!! (*^*)

Oooooh that is such a juicy and chaotic question—

If we’re talking SAHSRAU and not just a soft romantic AU, then yeah: the reaction would be intense, but not necessarily all the same across the cast.

Initial Reaction: Shock + Intrigue + Conflict

SAHSRAU characters don’t fully grasp the human element of the reader—they worship her, revere her, or treat her as some omnipotent concept. So when they learn something so deeply personal and intimate, it shatters that perception for a moment. It’s not that they’re disgusted—no, no. It’s that they don’t understand how something so sacred could allow herself to be touched by… mortals.

Divided Reactions

1. Those who would be absolutely horrified (but internalize it):

Jing Yuan, Welt, and maybe Himeko — they'd keep their composure, but their entire worldview just cracked. They’d start to overthink like, “Was it pleasure? Was it loneliness? Was it… penance?”

Jing Yuan in particular might start researching Earth’s culture on sexuality like he’s studying scripture.

2. Those who would want to purge the memory from existence:

Cocolia, Yaoshi-coded beings, some Aeons, and definitely Kafka (but secretly). These are the “you’ve been defiled” types. They’d go full “they were insects unworthy of your skin” and might even start tracking these people down to erase them like an obsessive zealot faction.

They might also try to protect the reader from her own urges after this.

3. Those who would adopt the lifestyle out of devotion or mimicry:

Silver Wolf, March 7th, Sampo, and weirdly enough, Blade (in a very unhinged, obsessive, if you let them touch you then I’ll let you break me too way).

Silver Wolf especially would be like: “Okay queen, body count at 100+? Slay. Wanna make it 101?”

They’d start seeing sex as a form of divine expression—“If this is how she conquers the world, then we must become fluent in it.”

4. Those who don’t fully get it but love her anyway:

Dan Heng, Luocha, maybe Ruan Mei. They’d struggle to reconcile the image of the reader with this behavior, but they wouldn’t condemn her. Dan Heng might quietly mourn the emotional side of it, thinking, “Did no one love her?”

Ruan Mei, on the other hand, would be fascinated—she’d want to study the psychology behind it.

But here's the kicker: no matter how they feel about it emotionally or spiritually, they’re still afraid to shame her. She's their god, their shepherd, the source of their universe. If the reader casually mentioned this with zero shame—just vibes and mascara streaks—they’d be forced to either:

Accept that their god is a wild creature of the night

Or snap under the pressure of their idealization cracking

Also, thank you!! <33

[inquisimer]

wip wednesday

I have shareable words this week \o/ Lately I've been beating my head against WIPs and/or working on event pieces that are Secret for the time being, but last night I had a breakthrough on the end scene of the next chapter of though I burn (how could I fall), the one that's been haunting me for 2 months but is now a fully drafted chapter to be edited for posting🎉

tags for @shivunin | @basedonconjecture | @flowersforthemachines | @larkinna | @ttrevelyan | @greypetrel | and you 🫵, if you have something you want to share!

Without further ado, have some Marisol/Viago banter and tangential wound tending <3

And just like that, the shutters she’d vanished behind melt away, the general amusement that sits below her skin and colors the air around her returned to its proper place. He does not even have to give the follow-up order; once she’s sat on his workbench, she rids herself of her armor, her tunic, and waits. (Disrespectful, in truth, to be so cavalier with her own welfare, when she has been invested in, trained, honed. How much worse would war be if a sword were contrary and pushing, always pushing, questioning the whetstone and the cloth and the oil that keep it sharp. In another life, she would have been such a blade. Instead she is a bird, and her claws are just as sharp as steel— But trust is not so easily balanced as a blade, and it is a precarious thing, to give your weapon wings.)

“I am offering you aid.” Viago rolls his eyes, tipping antiseptic onto a cloth and pressing it to the wound weeping beneath her ribs. His touch is not gentle, and perhaps she did not expect it to be, because other than a slight hiss and a white-knuckled grip on the bench, she does not react. “It is not typically a thing that needs to be bartered.” “You of all people should understand a reticence to taking unknown substances.” “Is that what it was, then?” “Perhaps,” Marisol hums, kicking her heels against the crates stacked beneath the table. “It is as good a reason as any, no?” “Do you derive some kind of pleasure from being as vague and unhelpful as possible?” “I rather think you’ve lost the right to call me unhelpful, considering all the help I’ve given you recently.” “Considering that I pay for that help, I will call you whatever I wish.” Her wound has absorbed most of the antiseptic, so he counts a measure of thirty, studiously avoiding her eyes, though he can feel them boring unabashedly into him. Instead, his gaze traces her skin, the silvery scars and moles and tattoos that decorate her like a canvas. Of course, there is no mercy and he does not fare better for avoiding her scrutiny, as the image of Teia’s fingers and lips tracing every mark, fingers in curls against bronze skin, comes unbidden to his mind. “Again with the staring.” Her soft laughter vibrates through his gloves, up his arm, up into his throat and his gaze snaps to hers like lightning. He scowls at the amusement twinkling there. “Someday you might just ask the questions you’re ruminating on.” “Don’t hold your breath,” he mutters, swiping the excess solution from her skin and threading a suture to a needle. “Hold still.” For once, she obeys. And the shock of that is like ice breaking underfoot, the sudden shoot of frigid water and adrenaline. Viago actually stutters, having been fully prepared to wait for her quip to settle so that her skin would not pull taut before he began. “I have had stitches before,” she says, amused, “I know why you asked.” He scowls, evidenced again that she can behave and chooses not to, which is wholly worse than simple incompetence. With practiced hands he draws the suture through her skin, deftly pulling the wound closed and tying off the end. She relaxes, running her fingers lightly over his work as he reaches for salve and bandages; he resists the urge to swat her hand away. She is not going to tear it open by touching. Probably. “You were meant to be providing cover,” he finally says, smearing salve across her skin. Her breath catches, lungs twitching beneath his fingers. “So. How did they get this close?” “I thought you no longer wanted my report.” He shuts the jar of salve with a snap. “I want to know if this is a result of my Crow’s negligence, or another demerit I can mark against you in my ledger.” “Going to charge Teia for my insolence?” “I could.” And he could, by the letter of the interhouse agreement. They both know that he won’t, not the way things stand now, not when Teia has done him so many favors—no matter that they are paid, they are favors. It would have been no small thing for her to refuse Marisol’s assistance and scoop the contracts for her own when Viago could not deliver. But she has not, not even once. So no. He will not charge Teia for her Crow’s attitude. But he could, so he will be ornery and obstinate about it instead.

[losing-it-lately]

let me expand on this:

- ellie williams who is doing an astrophysics engineering major. she's also taking a surprising amount of electives bc she needs to take them for the scholarships that she has applied to.

- she meets you in a lecture for an elective- it's something humanities based that she would never pick on her own. she only enrolled bc it was the most interesting sounding elective that would give her the credits she needed.

it was the third lecture of the semester, and ellie was already dreading it since she knew no one in there, and this was abundantly worse because she was 15 minutes late. usually, she would just ditch it, but for some reason she decided to walk in anyways.

her eyes scan upon the many rows, looking for an empty and easy to reach seat, but what she catches onto is a smile from you. you and her share eye contact for a few seconds and her mind literally short circuits. she doesn't smile back.

even though you are clearly sitting with other people, there's still an empty seat next to you. it doesn't deter her that you're with friends or that you are situated in the middle of the row and that she will have to squeeze between multiple people to get to you, for some reason, she does it all.

during the lecture, you make a few witty comments to her and at the end, you both swap contacts. it turns out that you don't take this course, you're just sitting in on this international relations course because you had nothing else to do.

- ellie is somewhat antisocial, choosing only to stick with dina and jesse. the three of them have moved as a unit to university, and it just makes sense that she stays with them. she has a hard time connecting with people.

- on the other hand, you are someone that seems to be surrounded by multiple people. you have friends in every class, and there is always someone saying hi to you. ellie feels like a fish out of water talking to you.

- what she doesn't know is that whilst you know all these people, you aren't that close with them. you only share deep connections with a few of the people you've met, choosing to see them and make time for them often.

- after texting ellie for a week, you ask her to study with you at a library. you invite a close friend too, but at some point, she leaves for a class, so you and ellie eat lunch together. what you don't know is that ellie doesn't study; the material just makes sense to her naturally. she only agreed to this to spend time with you.

- the two of you click surprisingly well. she introduces you to dina and jesse, and the group solidifies. you both constantly hang out, seeing each other week after week. she sends you memes and you make stickers of embarrassing 0.5s that you take of her.

- about a year later, you're complaining to her. you have been trying to date around and find someone, but every single option is shit. you're either getting serial ghosters or emotionally unavailable losers in your dms. the only thing left to do is emphatically complain to ellie about all of this.

you forgot your lunch one more time and complain, "i just don't understand, is it impossible for someone to want to date me."

you're pouting and melodrama fuels your vent, when ellie graciously responds with "i would want to date you."

you thank her, saying "that's sweet", while she continues to take a bite out of her sandwich. a few minutes later, she turns red as she realises what she just said.

- the rest of your lunch goes well, but that specific comment sticks in ellie's brain, haunting her that night when she tries to sleep. it's shocking because she knows she's said worse, but somehow, she can't forget it. the only thing that takes her mind off of her saying that is imagining to date you.

- she falls asleep to a vision of you on her couch, watching jurassic park. the both of you have done this already, but in her fantasy, she tries to picture what it would be like to kiss you.

- the next morning, you wake up from a dream in which you have a brilliant girlfriend who dotes on you and brings you flowers and loves you, but you cannot place her face, until you see ellie later that week. then it all clicks.

- that week when you both hang out, it's almost silent. ellie, too busy trying to stop thinking about how warm and soft your lips would be, hasn't realised yet that you look confused. then, as ellie blushes (she accidentally looked at your lips), you realise who the dream was about. suddenly, feelings have changed for you.

- that lunch gets cut short. ellie stammers out some excuse about needing to help joel and rushes back to her apartment. she cannot do this.

- she stops texting you for a while. your chat becomes full of dry responses, and the following few weeks, she ditches you at your weekly meet ups.

- after nearly a month, you decide to corner her. you know where she hides her apartment key, and you know when to let yourself in, so you do. you wait until she's tired and when she enters the apartment, you are sitting on the couch.

- she obviously stutters and turns red, and you grill her, waiting for an answer.

"i don't understand? has something changed? did i make you uncomfortable?"

"no, no, you haven't," she breathes out. you're too close. you're always too close, but now she's realising how much of her space you tend to capitalise. she loves it, but it only makes her more jittery.

this back and forth continues until she finally stutters out, "i want to kiss you."

- you both pause and look at each other.

- it's dead silent for a minute. you want that too, but ellie is already freaking out from your lack of response. she starts to ramble.

- you gently pull her hands onto you, and you kiss her.

- it doesn't take long for her fantasy of watching jurassic park with you and making out to come true...

friends to lovers with ellie but real friends to lovers- as in they were just friends that maybe found each other attractive until something happens that makes them realise omg im into her and then cue pining.