#{ depends if i even do this lbr }

[numiolaes]

i love that aemond felt Kinda Bad about killing lucerys but there is NO inclination he's sad about aegon sdlkfjghfskldg like okay love that you have a hierarchy

[invinciblerodent]

i al

Just curious where people stand on this. Please feel free to expand on your answer in the comments/tags, I’m curious about people’s reasons for doing one or the other!

[suzukiblu]

So, I was rereading Jason Goes Home and a thought struck me. Not a fic specific thought, a general omegaverse thought. Specifically for versions with Nesting as a focus (and may be inspired by me upgrading my bed situation).

Do you think that in a world where Nesting is common, there would be Nesting Pillows that are for structure? Like body-pillows or the back support with little arm pillows? I think there would also be seperate pillows designed to take scent better.

Like... IRL a squishmallow nest is fun but not very structurally supportive. Using blankets to be exactly the right shape to counter the shitty couch you're sleeping on ends up a bit hard.

Anyway, what Items are in a Nesting Boutique? Which ones can you find at Wal-Mart? Feel free to tag in anyone you think would have fun designing Omega Pillows.

oh, I definitely do think specific nesting pillows/blankets/curtains/general materials would be a thing, hah, whether structurally or materials-wise or just in terms of "I have decided These Ones(tm) are for nesting". I also think nesting pillows would be, like, a normal project to make in Home Ec in high school or in crafting classes and the like or just in your general hobbywork. Just WILD amounts of "free nesting pillow patterns" online or circling around local crochet/knitting/sewing groups and getting passed down from packmate to packmate or parent to child or things like that, and probably they'd run the gamut from squishmallow to sofa cushion to yoga block, depending on the omega's taste and also for use in different layers/supports of said nest.

Specifically in "Jason goes home" I had Jason's structural nesting habits be inspired by Catherine's because I think a lot of kids would naturally want to emulate their pack omega/omega parent's style of nesting, because that's what they grew up used to and so that's what feels most instinctively comfortable to them, and probably they'd make or seek out similar materials to those or even maybe inherit some of them FROM that pack omega/omega parent, depending. And alternately obviously, an abused or abandoned or orphaned kid might want to seek out DIFFERENT styles of nesting, or have issues about not having been TAUGHT a style of nesting.

( lbr probably somewhere in that AU, the first time Kon wanted to nest he had NO clue what he was doing, because I doubt Cadmus mentioned anything actually helpful beyond "omegas do it" and otherwise he just had, like, media examples and no EXPERIENCE of them. and probably Tim didn't get to be in a nest very often growing up, and Cass DEFINITELY never did, Bart would have zero experience with them whatsoever, and Cassie might find nests smothering because her mom was overbearing, and Cissie probably just DESPISES them because of HER mom's particular version of "overbearing", and Dick's probably used to small and quickly-assembled/quickly-broken-down impermanent ones, and and and--and I could go on for a minute, hah! )

[alittlebitofloveliness]

In defence of Steve Randle

Listen guys, Steve Randle gets a lot of hate in this fandom and as much as it pains me, it's valid. Everyone has their own interpretation of the source material, and fandom is supposed to be fun, so it is absolutely valid and ok to hate or love any character you want. You can hate Steve for many reasons or for no reason at all! This is fandom! That's ok! The story is for you interpret and love and play with and hate on to your hearts content. HOWEVER, to say that Steve Randle isn't an important character to the novel is simply not true, and to say that he hates Ponyboy requires ignoring or downplaying some pretty key moments of the book. This is especially true for those of you who love Dally but hate Steve, because Steve gets a lot of hate for being kind of a dickhead (which lbr, a lot of seventeen years old are, especially to their friend's little siblings) while Dally gets less for doing a lot worse (harassing Cherry, jumping kids, etc). This isn't to say that either character is better- they're both great, nuanced characters who have done bad things, but the fandoms attitudes towards them when they share a lot of characteristics is really telling. Even Ponyboy's narration about them is pretty similar- Pony doesn't particularly like Steve, and he was canonically scared of Dally, but they're both members of his gang and he doesn't hate either of them. You don't have to like Steve as a character, just like you don't have to like Dally or Darry or Tim Shepard or even Ponyboy, but he is important- and he doesn't hate Ponyboy, nor does Ponyboy hate him.

A really important moment in the book is when Ponyboy and Johnny defend Dally after he harasses Cherry and Marcia.

"Dally's okay," Johnny said defensively, and I nodded. You take up for your buddies, no matter what they do. When you're a gang, you stick up for the members. If you don't stickup for them, stick together, make like brothers, it isn't a gang any more. It's a pack. A snarling, distrustful, bickering pack like the Socs in their social clubs or the street gangs in New York or the wolves in the timber."

This line here is super important. Pony and Johnny were willing to defend Dally after he sexually harrassed Cherry and Marcia- soc girls who they clearly liked and were intimidated by- in the name of being a good friend, because that is what's important to them and their gang. If they're willing to do it in this context for Dally, you'd best believe they'd do the same for Steve, and him for them. Steve can and will rag on Ponyboy within the gang, but he'd never dream of bad mouthing him to anyone else. Dependability is important to the gang, and Steve would never publicly shit talk Pony, and vice verca. Regardless of their squabbles within the gang, at the end of the day they've got each others backs. They're buddies. We see evidence of this at the end of the book, when Pony grabs the bottle and threatens the socs with it.

"You really would have used that bottle, wouldn't you?" Two-Bit had been watching from the storedoorway. "Steve and me were backing you, but I guess we didn't need to. You'd have really cut them up, huh?"

The important thing here is that along with Two-bit, Steve was backing Ponyboy, no questions asked. Sure most of it boils down to Pony being a member of the gang and that deep rooted loyalty to one another, but the context for this scene is that Ponyboy was sitting on Steve's car waiting for Steve and Two to stop flirting with some girls. The three of them were hanging out- without Darry, without Sodapop. It's their school lunch break. We know Ponyboy has middle class friend's at school, or that he could've spent time in the school library. It was a deliberate choice to hang out with Two and Steve. He wasn't forced into it. Canonically, Steve and Ponyboy hang out. Never alone, but they're decent enough friends to hang out together in a group. Doesn't everyone have friends like that? I do. This isn't the only textual instance either where they hang out without the entire gang being present. Early on, Pony offhandedly mentions that sometimes Steve and Soda will buy him pop and teach him about cars if he hangs around the DX.

"I had walked down to the DX station to get a bottle of pop and to see Steve and Soda, because they'll always buy me a couple of bottles and let me help work on the cars."

He could've just said Soda's name here but he didn't. Steve buys Pony pepsi and teaches him about cars, even though he gets annoyed with him when Soda invites him to hang around with them too often. And honestly, who wouldn't? I'd be annoyed if my best friend always invited her little brother along with us, even if I liked the kid. Wouldn't you?

Now, we do need to address the elephant in the room. I'm talking of course, about this quote;

"I'd never tell Soda, because he really likes Steve a lot, but sometimes I can't stand Steve Randle. I mean it. Sometimes I hate him."

I feel like very often people forget the context this quote comes from, and so it's magnitude is blown way out of proportion. Ponyboy has just been jumped and then immediately scolded by his brother who constantly makes him feel foolish and unwanted. He's already scared, embarassed, and defensive and then Steve goes and makes him feel even more unwanted. Of course he wants to lash out. Of COURSE he feels like he hates Steve in that moment. I did even reading it. But Ponyboy doesn't truly hate Steve. This moment is PEAK fourteen year old having a rough night energy, it's not truly representative of Steve as a character or of Ponyboy's feelings towards him. In truth, Steve actually kind of likes Ponyboy and is at very least protective over him. This is evidence by the previous quotes, but also when Ponyboy comes back from Windrixville, and is worried about the state placing him in foster care;

"'No, [Ponyboy said] 'they ain't goin' to put us in a boys' home.' 'Don't worry about it,' Steve said, cocksure that he and Sodapop could handle anything that came up. 'They don't do things like that to heroes.'"

It's subtle, and not immediately obvious to the traumatized fourteen year old who is used to Steve's cocky nature, but this is both a reassurance and a very bold claim. Not only is Steve trying to look out for Ponyboy the way the rest of the gang models- by treating him like a kid, letting the 'adults' worry about grown up issues in a misguided attempt to protect Pony- he is also throwing in his lot to make sure nothing does happen. Based on this quote and the rest of Steve's characterization throughout the book its not hard to infer that Steve would fight tooth and nail to make sure Ponyboy stays safe with his family. Sure, part of it is gang loyalty, part of it is his devotion to soda, but part of it is because he and Ponyboy are buddies in their own right, no matter how much they fight. They are friends- and Steve is an incredibly important character for many reasons, but particularly to add depth to Pony's character, to the bond between the Curtis gang, and to highlight how the Curtis gang differs from the other gangs in Tulsa. Steve is just as much an outsider as the rest of the gang, and it's disingenuous to say otherwise no matter how much you may hate him as a character.

[hannieehaee]

18+ / mdi

content: friends to lovers, sub!seungkwan, sub!reader (but not as much as him lbr), smut, f reader, non penetrative sex, grinding, too many run on sentences, etc.

wc: 1521

masterlist

bestfriend!seungkwan and you, who have insane underlying sexual tension that neither of you is willing to talk about but everyone else can see.

the way you two jokingly argue with each other, constantly scolding the other one second, and cuddling chest-to-chest the next.

kwannie who envies any type of attention you give his members because you're HIS best friend and you should be doting to him only.

kwannie who gets annoyed at the sight of you giggling endlessly at chan's jokes and unknowingly flirting with vernon, who doesnt realize his best friend is in love with you and is wishing him a very inconvenient evening for even daring to steal you away in his presence.

kwannie who gets fed up of watching you go to yet another member and strike up conversation (flirting with mingyu ?? seriously ?) from afar and drags you away under the vice of 'why are you hogging my friends? get your own!' and leads you to a more secluded area.

you, annoyed (but not really) at his antics, start to pick a fight with him, enjoying the unserious back and forth you tend to have with each other.

it's all going as usual; both of you still in denial about the tension between you and the reason for your constant discomfort at seeing the other in near proximity to anyone else. that is, until things take a shift.

the atmosphere seems different somehow. this time, kwannie seems to be taking your lighthearted flirting with his members to heart; something that you had never encountered in your years of friendship.

"why are you always flirting with them?", he whines. "do you think its fun watching MY best friend ditch me the moment she sees a pretty boy walk by? what about me??"

this is now a good ten minutes into the argument. one that is usually light-hearted enough to take place in front of the other members and ends in the members teasing seungkwan about his dependency on your attention. this time, however, seemed different.

"what about you, kwannie? you know it doesnt mean anything. theyre my friends too, they know its not serious," you argue back, feeling nervous at the serious tone of his complaints.

"its not that, its just..." he cuts himself off. "even they see it, but you dont. why is it always them? .. why wont you look my way?"

that last sentence stops you in your tracks. whatever rebuttal you had in your mind suddenly going away, not knowing how to respond.

unsure as to whether that was a confession or simple frustration at having to share his best friend, you stare blankly at him, breathing heavier than ever.

"kwannie .. of course i look at you. i love you, you're my best friend," you try to salvage the situation in the most ambiguous way you can, not knowing where this is going.

he lets out a heavy sigh, looking down at your shoes, unwilling to make eye contact with you, something very unlike the seungkwan you know.

"kwannie .. ?", you inquire and step towards him.

"we'll always be friends, right?", you nod at his question, urging him to continue "so it's okay if i talk freely? we'll always be there for each other, right?", he asks rhetorically, nodding at his own question to reassure himself.

he takes a deep breath as he walks towards you. "you know .. jeonghan hyung told me over and over to just tell you, that you would love me regardless and that i'd never lose you. but i guess you might already have some sort of idea, don't you?", he smiles sadly at you, timidly extending his hands towards yours.

you accept the embrace of his hands and nod back; head down, feeling vulnerable at the situation.

seeing as he's already put his cards on the table (kind of), you decide to walk the rest of the way for him.

you step forward and run your hands from his hands to his arms to his shoulders, closing any distance between you. he seems slightly surprised at what seems to be your reciprocation, but quickly recovers, not wanting to ruin the tender moment.

like in any teenage movie, you both stare down at each other's lips, breathing heavily at the thought of finally getting something you've wanted for years.

you make the first move and softly press your lips against his, causing you both to instantly moan against each other's mouths. it escalates quickly after that. with mouths open, and tongues desperate to get a taste of one another. your hands moving from his shoulders to his hair, pulling him as close as possible. his landing on your waist, finding their way under your shirt softly but desperately scratching at your skin.

your kiss becomes so needy and desperate it's almost impossible to call it a kiss anymore. incessant moaning into each other's mouths and spit covering both your lips. your resolve breaks first, causing you to push him into the nearest surface, which takes form of a sofa bed located behind seungkwan. you push him down, readily straddling his waist and pressing yourself even closer to him.

if seungkwan had any thoughts in his mind prior to you kissing him, theyre even further gone now. he has no control of himself as he runs his hands all over your back, wanting to remain respectful of any boundaries you may have, but going insane at your lips on his and your crotch laying so so closely to his.

you take notice of his desperation and pull off your shirt, making sure to take your bra off with it. you receive a reaction you had only ever dreamed of before.

seungkwan's desire and desperation are clear in his eyes, with his eyebrows furrowed and a whine escaping his mouth at the view of his best friend's chest bare in front of him.

"p-please, god. fuck. can i- please. please let me ..." he whines nonsensically, hands and mouth nearing your tits but not quite touching them before getting your permission.

with no verbal answer you grab his hands and fondle your own breasts with them, moaning at his whines and pleas to get his mouth on them; something which he does soon after.

grinding your crotch against the very obvious bulge in his navy shorts, you whine at the stimulation from his mouth desperately licking your tits, teeth softly pulling at the sensitive buds as he whines at the taste of your skin.

"kwannie .. fuck kwannie dont stop fuck please ..." you breathe out, shoving his face closer to your chest, grinding even faster.

despite your frustration at wanting even more pleasure from seungkwan's body, you disconnect yourself from him to remove your pants and instruct him to remove the rest of his clothes. he whines at the sudden interruption, but hurries to undress himself as soon as he sees you expectantly watch him with just your panties on, wanting you back on him as soon as humanly possible.

with now only two thin layers separating you and seungkwan, you feel the pressure of his dick against your clit even more, causing you to whine into his open mouth.

you know your grinding may be more pleasurable for you than for him, but the pleasure makes you so delirious you cant bring yourself to stop, grinding even faster and shoving your tongue in his mouth, hands harshly grabbing onto his shoulders for better accuracy in the rutting of your hips.

"kwannie- fuck please i promise i- shit. i'll do whatever you want, just let me- please let me finish. it feels so fucking good," you cry, speeding up even more, completely drunk in the feeling of your clit deliciously grinding against his pulsing length.

he seems to not mind it, even helping you meet your undoing by grabbing onto your hips and pushing them against his crotch in order to optimize your pleasure. his mouth is open, letting out whines at the thought of all the pleasure he's causing you by just sitting there.

unbeknownst to you, seungkwan is also nearing his end, felling insane pleasure at the friction caused from the canting of your hips against his. he's the first to find his high, whining into your neck as your never ending grinding continues its course atop his sensitive dick.

it's soon after that you also reach your high and deflate against his warm chest, weakly running your hands into his hair, pulling him for an uncharacteristically sweet peck.

"thank you," you breathe against his cheek. "i wasnt sure where that argument was going, but im glad it ended here," you giggle as you feel his chest shake from his own chuckle.

"sorry i was so dramatic, but i guess it worked in both of our favours so .. you're welcome," he jokes, running his hands up and down your back soothingly.

after a few more teasing comments back and forth, you help clean each other up with whatever wipes and tissues are at your disposal and dress yourselves back up.

it was safe to say that after this, flirting with his members was strictly prohibited.

a/n: i love seungkwan more than life itself which is why i feel kinda bad writing such filth abt him but i also want him so bad so .. anyways this was not proofread bc im too lazy to reread this many words over again. pls lmk if theres anything that makes zero sense that i should change tho <3

[variousqueerthings]

characters that fit under the jessica rabbit paradigm off the top of my head (note these are not necessarily asexual, but if you know me, you know I read several of them as that)

slight amendment here then also is that there's a scale of how much of this occurs in original texts versus later adaptations of those texts. for example in the original scandal of bohemia, irene adler is a very different character to who she becomes later on, so her first appearance is not a case of jessica rabbit, however in interaction with later appearances -- most egregiously in sherlock -- she becomes jessica rabbit on a meta scale (the same can be said for lucy westenra or james kirk)

jessica rabbit, obviously

the doctor (mostly ten -- eleven too, but more in specific character interactions) (doctor who)

seven of nine (voyager)

james t kirk (star trek the original series)

lucy westenra (dracula)

irene adler (sherlock holmes)

(partner suggestion:) thirteen (house)

ethan hunt (mission impossible)

actually the jessica rabbit paradigm is one I'm going to take onboard more in regards to characters: "does this character actually fuck, or do other characters just want to fuck them?"

otherwise known as the "I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way" dichotomy

obviously first coined by all those clever people who dubbed jessica rabbit an ace icon, and is applicable to other characters who are considered sexy by others, but which doesn't reflect their own canon attitude towards sexuality. this often including the writers and audiences of the text, who likewise project an allosexuality into a context in which it doesn't necessarily exist, based on the perceived attractiveness of the character and how other characters react to that perceived attractiveness

[atihkinsam]

Unpopular opinion - but I think Supernatural didn't fully delve into Sam's demon blood 'addiction'. They never truly truly fleshed it out as a proper/real/ full-fledged addiction. Sure they showed him calling up Ruby a couple times asking for the blood but for the most part he seemed well adjusted. I mean the characters were a little too quick to characterize his dependence on the blood as EVILL without really even addressing it.

Because season 4 has a few snippets every few episodes to show that Sammy is drinking demon blood and it suddenly becomes a PROBLEM that's completely blown out of proportion when Dean finds out in The Rapture.

I'm with Sam there. He was removing demons out of people without hurting them. The pacifist in Sam, the one who truly wanted to do as much damage control as possible was finally doing something with his freaky powers.

And everyone and their MOTHER seem to conveniently forget in both seasons 4 and 5 that both Dean and Castiel played significant if not equally damning roles in ushering the 'apocalypse'. Dean was the first seal and Castiel let a severely jacked up Sam OUT of the sex?dungeon. Not to mention all of heaven's holy host ( which is why Castiel let sam out) were working towards the release of Lucifer 'the big fight' (for the showdown between Mikey and Luci) that was supposed to go down next season.

Poor angel baby sam did no wrong.

I mean what if he hadn't killed lilith and had just continued smoking demons out of people with his mind? We know that addiction in reality isn't as open and shut as Sam's case. Realistically he could have had multiple relapses (not just the one where Famine forced it on him). Lbr that wasn't a real relapse.

Big big character arc mistake that Spn did was not stretching out Sam's Demon-blood/psychic powers arc a little more. Or better yet, bring out a Demon-blood arc in the later seasons.

[thatstonedwriter]

˚₊‧🍄[ Hangin' with The Boys ]🍃˚₊‧

◉ Synopsis; how the Boys spend their time off (with you)

◉ CW; potential spoilers for seasons 1-3, substance use (and abuse), swearing

◉ A/n- aight my first piece for the Boys- went with something tame to ease myself into writing for this insane show- wtf am I doing

◉ feat; Butcher, Hughie, Frenchie, M.M, Kimiko

Moments of peace are few and far between when you're hunting and killing Supes. When you're not being thrown out windows and being threatened by the world's most powerful entities, free time with the Boys is definitely a special treat

The bastard he is, Butcher spends any free time he's got smoking, drinking, and antagonizing the others- just for a laugh. Butcher will always try to sneak off to a bar or some back room- but ever since you joined the crew, he's had a hard time shaking you off. Always following diligently- or maybe just to be an annoyance- Butcher is almost never free of you- or your attempts to get him to socialize. Forced proximity and a lot of patience were crucial to Butcher finally caving and allowing you to join him for a drink one day. At first, it’s quiet- not uncomfortably so, with the usual ruckus in the room over serving as odd but comforting background noise. Any conversation that does take place is likely started by Butcher insulting you. That goes for every other conversation that follows, too. You’re either a Butcher enabler or you help pull him back. Maybe it depends on the day- either way, your partnership comes at the expense of the others’ sanity. Pranks, insults, and drinks/cigs galore- the two of you go through the “recreational supplies” faster than Frenchie.

I really, really hope you like (or can at least tolerate) Billy Joel because that’s all Hughie wants to have playing in the background while the two of you talk. Of course, feel free to introduce new shit- he’s flexible (but lbr, this dude just wants Billy Joel). When you’re not being forced to listen to “We Didn’t Start the Fire” for the millionth time, the two of you are playing card games, sneaking off to arcades and movies, and even possibly going to visit Hughie’s dad or Annie. Whether you’re on the train, the couch, or (M.M forbid) laying on the disgusting floor, you and Hughie are damn-near always sharing earbuds to listen to music. Hughie would really enjoy just people watching with you. Seeing people live normal lives, happy and (relatively) safe- it makes him believe he could have that one day, ideally with his friends and family- that includes you. The playful/nerdy banter between you two is considered to be the most wholesome part of the crew.

Frenchie I wanna get high w you please- ahem- Yeah Frenchie likes to do a lot of drugs- but he won’t be offended if you decline. Usually, Kimiko and Frenchie come as a pair, so with you, they’re a happy trio! Together, you and Frenchie will request songs for Kimiko to play on the keyboard, the three of you will dance to whatever is playing on Kimiko’s iPod, you and Frenchie learn/practice Kimiko’s sign language, you and Kimiko entertain Frenchie’s high shenanigans (and pull him back when he goes too far)- basically any and everything you can do, you do together. Hope you have space in your brain for two more languages because alongside Kimiko’s SL, Serge would absolutely die if you learned any French- even you just learning the basics would melt his heart. Frenchie often encourages you and Kimiko to sneak out with him to go on “dates” (lowkey thruple coded) to small, hole-in-the-wall bars and restaurants. He’s for sure going to ask your opinions on chemistry or whatever the fuck while he’s making/studying bombs. He’s not miffed if you don’t know or can’t answer- often times he’s talking to himself anyways- but any feedback is always appreciated.

M.M would really appreciate a grounding presence in the crew- and that’s exactly what you helped provide. You helped balance the ratio of crazy to insane within the group, and for that, M.M is eternally grateful. Often times, while he’s cleaning/organizing equipment, you’ll keep him company. This often turns into M.M opening up about his family, OCD, concerns he has about the Boys, etc. He’s a firm believer in hard work, discipline and learning so you won’t just be standing around while you talk and listen- oh no, he’s showing you the way- the proper way- to clean the weapons, disinfect the counters, organize the shelves- hell, he’ll even ration out some supplies so he can teach you some first aid/sutures. It’ll probably be a while before you get through to M.M’s softer side, but it’s totally worth it to get there. M.M wants the best for his crew, and though it’s tough love, the rigorous lessons are all taught in hopes of you being able to protect yourself (and keep the hideout tidy).

Happy trio part 2! Nobody expected the quiet, intimidating Kimiko to enjoy music and art as much as she does. You and Frenchie are her biggest fans and supporters, and often show her new music to listen to- if you’re lucky, you can get some pirated versions of old cartoons to watch together. Kimiko loves dancing and listening to/playing music- and since you and Frenchie usually indulge her, that’s what you spend a lot of your time doing. The others call it goofing off- you three call it a healthy dose of fun. When Frenchie is out, Kimiko spends a lot of time teaching you her SL so that you can talk without Frenchie being the translator. Sure, typing on the phone is easier, but being able to have secret conversations with your friends is so much better, don’t you think? Talking shit about the others right in front of them is a treasured experience you, Kimiko and Frenchie share.

[nakylvr]

i recently just started hrt and just thinking about the girls getting excited about the changes with you!! like once your voice deepens, there's def a voice kink thrown in there somewhere (lara or dani lbr) but they're also just so excited and happy for you :(((

first of all congratulations!! im so happy for you!! its gonna be such a fun experience 🫶

sophia is the one who is the most invested in your changes in terms of she looks it up with you before you even start and she just gets so excited for you when you say you can start. if you're doing injections for testosterone and nervous she has no hesitation to offer to do it for you if you'll let her, and she is the best at it. when your voice starts cracking and you're around the kats she will be scolding any of them who try to make fun of it, even though you all know it's nothing serious, she doesn't care

manon is the type to throw a dumb (lovingly) party for you being able to start hrt. whether or not you want people there or to know she is still buying streamers and balloons fuck honestly she'd buy a cake and for what reason? she wants you to know how happy she is for you, and that's her response if you ask her. she'd lightly tease you when your voice starts cracking but if anyone else tries to she will shut that shit down so fast the kats are just silently nodding while getting scolded

daniela literally lights up with excitement when you tell her you're starting hrt. while she already calls you every pet name under the sun, most in spanish, it just amplifies when your voice starts getting deeper. she's definitely the one most likely to develop a voice kink over it and will make it known to you. while she's normally one of the members most likely to tease others it comes to a halting stop when it deals with you. she knows better than to make a joke about something you could possibly get upset about and if one of the kats do she will be scolding them which comes as a surprise to them and you no matter how many times you say it's fine

lara gets so excited for you that it's almost like she's happier than you honestly. she'd be the one to suggest you do voice logs every month to see how your voice changes and is so happy when you do it. she's probably already bought you clothes and such depending on how long you've been with her but she is 100% dragging you to every store possible to buy you new stuff, grabbing every item you look at for a little too long without hesitation, and won't let you even think about it being too expensive. she'll stand up for you at any time, and that doesn't change once you start hrt if people who aren't familiar with you start asking questions, depending on how you feel and want her to answer determines how she goes about it

megan literally jumps up and down while clapping when you tell her you're starting hrt, it's easy to see she's just as excited for you as you are. she's asking you every week how you feel and if you notice anything, and when your voice starts deepening it stirs something in her. yes, she would also be one to grow a voice kink solely because of your voice deepening, a surprise. if you're doing t injections do not ask her for help i'm sorry but she will fuck it up somehow and will feel so bad afterwards that she won't try to again. but that doesn't mean she won't sit there beside you to give you some reassurance

[galsinspace]

Replaying Inquisiton really made me notice (again) how the companions are written with such an incredibly noticeable difference in care. Man I hope they did a better job in Veilguard. And it's such a stark contrast from Origins!

I'll just post my comparative ramblings bc I'm on a train and have nothing better to do

In my opinion, one of the best things about Origins is the closeness you develop with your companions. You're with them through massive, formative changes in their lives, you find out about their childhood traumas and the people they've grown up to be, and as a player you make huge decisions that shape their future. By the end I felt so close to these characters. Looking at the main companions:

Alistair? We find out all about his longing for family, for love, his desire not to be defined by his blood and be able to live a normal life. You're both saddled with the responsibility to save the world together, and you do. Depending on the choices you make, he may have the love he longs for, and he may have to be king, you shape his life in a huge way.

Leliana? She literally seeks you out because she's received visions and is on a god-given mission. You literally shape the kind of person she becomes, whether she hardens or softens her heart.

Zevran? This is the most important period in his life. His flight from the Crows, his suicidal intent and then sudden wish to stay alive after all, finding new things to live for, remembering his mother, you save his life in more ways than one.

Morrigan? Literally the first time she's left her abusive mother's side and it's travelling with you. She finds her own ways to live, you give her the jewellery her mother wouldn't allow her, you help her confront her mother and free herself from her. You might literally be the father of her child.

Sten? Also suicidal, and you help him regain his self worth and sense of meaning in life. And you change him. He comes from a society with rigid rules and you help him see other ways of life. If you play as a woman, he's literally confused in the beginning that you're a fighter, and then as you gain his affection he acknowledges and respects you as who you are. He's not romanceable and probably changes the least out if the companions, but still goes through this monumental change of perspective about there being other valid ways of life. Sten should have been romanceable lbr

Oghren? It's super unfortunate how comic relief he is BECAUSE his story is so intense. The woman he loves disappeared! He's an alcoholic! He's so tied into the MAIN QUEST! He's tragic! You're with him through this massive thing he goes through and it really sucks that he can't really... change. You can't really help him. But even so, the events of the game are monumental to his life.

The Secret Companion is self-explanatory. You completely re-shape his life.

And in comparison, the companions in Inquisition are just WILDLY hit or miss. Some of them you become incredibly close to, others are just kinda there. Oh we're saving the world together? Just another day at the office babey. You don't really get to know them that deeply, you don't get to change their views, they're just there and you work together and then they go on their way. I'm of course talking mainly about Vivienne and Sera.

It's insane to me that Vivienne is this incredibly complex character who is the way she is because she grew up traumatized in an oppressive environment and you never get to talk to her about this. It's hidden in a few comments Cole may or may not drop if you travel with both of them. Her polished demeanor and ever-present smile? Learned in the Circle to demonstrate to templars that she was good, obedient, and non-possessed. Her materialism? When she met the duke, the thought in her head was I will never go hungry again.

Vivienne is TRAGIC. She's a deeply traumatized woman who has lived all her life in a system that did not grant her basic security, and she was strong and smart enough to gather power in the only ways she was allowed to. And you can't even talk to her about this. Her personal quest is some weird red herring bullshit meant to make you question whether she's a villain, comparing her to the evil queen from Snow White, and then it's just... her boyfriend dying. You can't change anything. You can barely talk to her about this relationship - it must have been a mix of love and practicality, a connection that gave her both tenderness and influence, the only power she was allowed to have. And it IS an injustice that she could never have married him! But you can't talk to her about this. Can't influence her viewpoint at all. All this complexity is hidden in subtext, and Vivienne does not change as a person at all.

Vivienne is outwardly cold towards Cole, dismissive, pragmatic, cruel. If Cole becomes more human, he points out to her that she secretly worried about him and is glad he's safe. She denies it. This is the only complexity she's allowed to show, hidden in random banter most players will never hear.

Why are we not allowed to be close to Vivienne? Why can't we talk to her? Explore who she is? Why does it feel like it literally does not matter whether we touch her life at all?

I've seen people claim that the fandom neglects Vivienne unfairly, but this was the WRITERS. They neglected Vivienne. They made it impossible to be close to her, they hid her complexity while just having her be straight-up rude for most of the game. This was a huge failure on the part of the writers. I've heard that her main writer said on twitter (DA writers should not be allowed to tweet) that he just didn't like her and that makes me so mad. Fucking video game writers...

And Sera. Oh, Sera.

She's annoying. Her jokes are painfully unfunny. It's super hard to get her to like you. Whenever you talk to her, the first option is to kick her out of the Inquisition. Why on EARTH did they write her this way?

Her personal quest is nothing. You go meet some guy, kill him, over. What does this MEAN??? What does this mean for Sera's character?? It's so fully useless, you learn nothing new, you don't get closer to Sera, who the fuck wrote this and why was this published.

And just like with Vivienne, you barely get to talk to Sera. She runs around with a huge case of internalized elf racism and you never get to talk about it. She literally won't put on armour marked as "elves only", what's up with that girl? She openly looks down on elves to the point of being annoyed to even talk to an elf Inquisitor, why can we never talk to her about this?

She's supposed to be from Denerim. Is she from the Alienage? The close-knit community Tabris is from? Does she know Tabris? She might literally know the Hero of Ferelden and it's never a topic of conversation. She would have been like, a young teenager at the time when the Alienage was suffering a plague and elves were being kidnapped and sold into slavery. Was this not a formative experience for her? Was she not there? Did she not live in the Alienage? Well all of Denerim became a war zone during the Blight, was that not a notable event in her life????

Why do we not get to explore anything that makes her the dismissive, flighty person she is?

Playing in German, there is fascinating ambiguity in the graveyard of your companion's fears that you find in the Fade - Sera's greatest fear is "nothing". In German, the word for the Fade is "the Nothing". I thought it made so much sense that that would be her greatest fear! She's afraid of anything involving magic and spirits, and it adds a nice metaphorical level to her rejection of anything elven: elves are supposed to be inherently connected to the Fade, but she's afraid of the Fade! Comments she makes seem to imply that she has a suppressed sensitivity to spirits, but either Solas or Cole suggesting that that might be the case clearly terrifies her.

Well, imagine my disappointment when I found out that in the original English, her fear is just "nothing". Which is bullshit too, Sera is clearly afraid of of anything Fade-related. I guess it might be some idea of how she's afraid of quiet and non-existence, but like... what a missed opportunity. What a dumb thing to be her greatest fear. What a missed opportunity.

And just like Vivienne, it doesn't feel like you really impact her life at all. Sera just comes and goes, she does her own thing, and she never unpacks any of her issues. Why was she written this way? Why did they think this would be a compelling companion experience? And for fuck's sake, who thought she was funny?

This rant is already way too long and I'm almost off the train so I won't write a full comparison to the Inquisition companions who were done well, but like, it's obvious. For some of them you touch their lives intimately, you shape their worlds, you actually feel close to them by the end of the game. How the fuck did this game get shipped with Vivi and Sera like that.

It's been 10 years and I hope the developers learned from their mistakes, if they noticed them in between sucking their own dicks on twitter.

[hellboundhimbo]

Pleeeeeease talk more about Kuwameshi I live for your takes

well. don't mind if i do. you have no idea what you've just unleashed btw.

so like they're sooooo attached to each other right like SOO fucking dependent. both of them trying to die for each other every five seconds, yusuke constantly crashing out because kuwabara like. stubbed his toe a full continent away. episode 89 just generally. they're basically attached at the hip. and on one hand watching them beat each other up while also caring sooooo embarrassingly much is cute its also like low-key kinda codependent. like oh you don't know who you are without him? erm. and while I do think a big reason for that is just bc they're quite literally the only other person among their peers who would understand the trauma they've experienced what with dark tournament n all, there's also a degree of personal shit for both of them that impacts it.

cuz like. lbr at the start of the show yusuke was very very lonely. its part of the reason he just writes off kuwabara as a run of the mill punk chasing glory, at first. why he's so surprised at kuwabara's breakdown at his wake. yusuke has this idea in his head that he's no good for nobody, navigating a world where every man fends for themself. seeing that "hey ppl care if I live" is really impactful for yusuke, even if he never fully processes that lesson. and he still has that idea that "oh kuwabara's just some dumbass" going into The Promise, but ofc he has his shit flipped on him when he realizes "oh this guy's really cool actually." and from that point onward yusuke just gets sooooo attached so quickly. bc like other than keiko, kuwabara was yusuke's first real friend.

and rq that is NOT DISCREDITING THE IMPORTANCE OF YUSUKE AND KEIKO'S BOND NONONO but there's a clear distinction there between what yusuke and keiko have vs what yusuke and kuwabara have for a number of factors, the whole "not really able to have a normal friendship bc you've been paired off as a couple since diapers" thing only being part of it. kuwabara's a lot like yusuke in a lot of ways. hot headed delinquents with shitty grades judged by their mentors with less than conventional family lives (kuwabara was practically raised by shizuru despite her only being like 17-20smth in canon. there's implications there I think.)

its just that in a lot of ways they're genuine equals and lord knows yusuke needs someone to relate to at the point in his life he's at. moreover kuwabara was never afraid to challenge yusuke, something he clearly values and revels in, even if yusuke himself sees it less of an actual rivalry and more of a bit of fun. he's forced to recognize in The Promise how good of a guy kuwabara actually is and that made an impression on yusuke, nihilistic and untrusting as he is. and as we all know yusuke's protective of the people he cares about, but its like. its different with kuwabara. because unlike someone like keiko kuwabara runs headfirst into danger. he's a fighter!! a manly man if you will. and yusuke fucking Hates that because HELLO you're not allowed to get hurt ever you mean too much to me. but he's also beating up kuwabara on the reg bc duh they still fight. so its this weird kinda dissonance where yusuke's like "NO ONE'S ALLOWED TO BEAT UP KUWABARA BUT ME" and that's very funny and lowkey fruity ngl. stop trying to kill my girlfriend only I'm allowed to bully him.

obv the whole being overly protective angle takes on a whole new context as the show goes on but I think if I got into anything post chapter black this post would end up longer than my last longfic so. I'm just gonna say that kuwabara taking yusuke's protectiveness as him thinking kuwabara is weak (or a joke as he puts it which feeds into his larger sidekick/inferiority complex when compared to the rest of team urameshi) it's just. ugh stupid idiots with their stupid egos and pride.

SPEAKING OF KUWABARA that boy is so insanely whipped it's not even funny. like yes yes yusuke is totally gay for kuwabara I feel that in my bones and there's So Much there. stupid fuckin romance anime bubbles in the promise (manga.) literally keeping up with a SPEEDING CAR ON A BIKE just to save kuwa. again yusuke crashing out whenever kuwabara's even slightly in danger. kuwabara constantly being set up as yusuke's damsel in distress, for some fuckin reason. super gay. but Oh My God Kuwabara. he is so in love with him its not even FUnny and how do I even articulate that without pointing at episode 89 and going !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hes just. sooooo hopelessly devoted man. for YEARSSSSS. "winning's never been the reason I fight him" ITS NOT ABOUT WINNING.... he just. he fixated on yusuke for so long obsessed over earning his respect followed him into hell and back over and over and over again literally tried to DIEEEE for him. "YOU'VE ALWAYS GOTTA BE THERE URAMESHI DONT YOU GET IT. IF YOURE NOT THEN WHO AM I" I'm gonna IHFRBIFVBIVHOFHSI. he just wants yusuke to SEE HIM to respect him as an equal but because yusuke wants to protect him he just processes it as "oh you think I'm weak" but THATS NOT IT!! HE JUST CARES ABT U DNSA and then kuwabara's like "yeah I'm actually gonna try to die for you again but DONT U DARE TRY AND PULL THAT SHIT W ME" I hate them basically.

again they're soooo sweet on each other but in that same breath like I do think their lil divorce in ep 98 was sorta necessary. not just bc of the events of canon but again kuwabara was just. he didn't know what to do with himself without yusuke there with him. the romance of "I need you" vs the logical thought "hey wait that's. that's not healthy." idkidk this was absolutely incoherent I just have a lot of thoughts on them. I care them deeply. kuwameshi forever and ever but also I need them to die.

anyway. them.

[halforresterluvsford]

i wanna say i can explain it but tbh i had a piss kink before i got into stancest. i think it’s a combo of the way proship helps you let go of ingrained catholic biases of “gross = wrong and bad” (morality the way we see it in fandom is p christo-centric lbr) and partly dependent on existing kinks (jealousy/possessive —> piss is marking territory; dacryphilia, mindbreak etc. —> loss of control thru loss of bladder control; humiliation, sadism, etc. —> i feel like this one is kibda self explanatory lol)

hope that made sense op 👍

I love you for this. Sending little kisses your way, boo xxx

But yeah, I do think there is a freeing aspect to being a “proshipper” , a phrase I do kind of hate, and rejecting the newfound purity culture that’s been pervading fandom spaces recently. Reading and writing fanfiction in general is a good way to explore less mainstream or “acceptable” kinks, fetishes, and interests. And I think those interests are explored more often or freely in fics about less convential or acceptable ships, because you’re already writing about twincest, why not add piss or ageplay?

I could talk about this all day

I could also talk about how, when not wanting to offend people even on accident, we’ve gone a complete 360 right back around to purity culture

[bthump]

Do you think that Griffith forcing Casca to sleep with Guts is not morally reprehensible?

lol this feels like pretty bait-y phrasing, but I wanna give you the benefit of the doubt and I don't mind sharing my opinions on this, so I'll bite.

How are we defining morally reprehensible in the context of Berserk as a whole? Because sure, it's not great of him, it's misogynist and Casca was right to yell at him for it. But it doesn't exactly make the list of top 10 bad things characters do in Berserk, or even the top 100 lbr here lol.

Someone had to strip down and warm Guts up if he was going to live, according to the logic of the story (idgaf if it's medically accurate, I care about the story's own internal logic), and Griffith couldn't do it himself without a) risking the respect of his followers and imo b) confronting his own internalized homophobia lol. So he had to order one of the Hawks to do it. Casca draws the short straw because of the misogyny of society and Griffith's own misogyny as an imperfect part of that society, but it's hardly malicious.

And it's not solely a reflection on Griffith because no one else in the Band thinks it's wrong, everyone else seems to see it as a logical choice. Therefore, narratively it's less of a statement on Griffith and more of a statement on Casca's frustration with misogyny in general, from Griffith here, but from other people other times - like eg Guts when he berates her after rescuing her - and from society overall.

Plus arguably, upon re-reading the scene, it's actually more of a reflection on Casca's contentious relationship to womanhood than misogyny, because Judeau implies that Casca is pissed off about the reminder that she's a woman, rather than because it's wrong to suggest that warming a man is a woman's duty. "Our Casca gave up being a woman so she could be a mercenary long ago." Which itself, unfortunately, fits with Casca showing "a softer side" and becoming more feminine after the naked warming round 2 in chapter 15, as she starts falling for Guts.

I prefer to take it as a statement on misogyny rather than a symptom of Miura's own misogyny because I think that aspect of Casca's character "development" sucks lol, but that's not necessarily the intent. So yeah hopefully it's meant to be seen as a shitty thing for Griffith to do, rather than the natural place for Casca as a woman, but I can't say I'm 100% sure on that.

Basically I wouldn't call it morally reprehensible, I'd call it shitty but understandable in context and a decent introduction to Casca and her frustrations, as well as potentially some of the other themes of the story, but also potentially reflective of Miura's own misogyny rather than a self-aware statement on Griffith or Berserk's society, depending on how you interpret Casca's character development and Judeau's description of Casca in chapter 13.

[marley-manson]

Do you have any petpeaves regarding the M*A*S*H fandom?

lol sure i'll take the opportunity provided to express a few, ty for the ask!

Overall Mash fandom is pretty awesome imo, and I actually don't have many compared to a lot of fandoms I've been in, and the ones I do have tend to apply to most fandoms anyway lol, they're staples of fandom in general.

-- The biggest one is probably the common take that Hawkeye is insecure, self-loathing, emotionally repressed, thinks he doesn't deserve love, yadda yadda yadda. This isn't really Mash specific because the bad-self-esteem-ray hits every bottom in fandom at some point lol, but it's extra grating in Mash fandom for me because to me it feels more blatantly OOC than most versions of this.

Now to be fair to fandom there are a few scattered lines throughout the series you can take out of context to justify this take, and one bad episode that provably contradicts the rest of the show (Who Knew), but I feel like you have to stretch like a gymnast to justify it and ignore 99% of the rest of the show and Hawkeye's behaviour.

And it's boring and flattens Hawkeye to a caricature of someone else imho.

-- Generally, and again this applies to all fandoms lbr, I dislike the way a lot of people need to jump to accusations of bigotry to justify their personal preferences. One example I've seen a couple of times that's absolutely bizarre to me is the take that if Klinger gets dicked down and/or feminized in fic it's because of racist fetishization. That's Maxwell Q. Klinger, the dude who wears dresses throughout most of the show and canonically grows to genuinely enjoy it. And even if he was 100% masculine, that's what a lot of fandom does to every single dude they love ever lol, all it means is that Klinger has a fanbase, which is a good thing. imo attitudes like these help contribute to non-white characters getting less fanworks about them, and while I don't think it's prevalent enough in Mash fandom to have a negative effect, I've seen it destroy other ships featuring characters of colour.

Another example is the classic bad take that if you don't ship women in het or interpret a heterosexual relationship as doomed/not romantic/etc, it's because of misogyny lol. It's not hugely common in Mash fandom but I've seen it occasionally from BJ/Peg shippers and the very occasional Margaret enthusiast.

Oh and another example is that depicting Hawkeye as effeminate is homophobia. Again, this is Hawkeye, the dude who proudly calls himself unmanly in various ways every episode and makes 50 jokes about wanting to get fucked in the ass. Frankly it's a bigger stretch to me to assume he wouldn't easily and happily adopt actual effeminate body language/phrasing and tone if he's, say, at the bar and wants to pull a top. Or maybe even just if there are no straight people around, yk? Why not? The take that writing unmasculine men is offensive is a fandom classic and usually strikes me itself as homophobic, gender essentialist, and basically just someone's masc4masc kink masquerading as an issue.

Like to be clear there is certainly bigotry in the Mash fandom, as in every fandom, and it's worth discussing, and sometimes depending on context it can even apply in the above cases (eg if a fic about Klinger getting dicked down earnestly described him as idk exotic or something, or if people who 'feminize' male characters take it to silly extremes and start writing meta about how these men are woman-coded/victims of misogyny lol) but this ain't it chief, this is people repackaging their own pet peeves in social justice language to win perceived arguments, and it's a bad vibe.

-- This one IS fairly Mash specific lol, and to be clear it's 100% harmless and just something that makes me roll my eyes sometimes because I'm not into it myself and it strips away the things I do like about the ship: the way a lot of Hawk/BJ fans headcanon BJ as much more supportive and sensitive to Hawkeye than he actually is, by taking various things he does and assuming he does them for Hawkeye, like he's constantly aware of Hawkeye's unexpressed needs and catering to them.

Yk, he wears pink shirts for Hawkeye! He grew the moustache for Hawkeye (never mind that Hawkeye hates it)! He stole Hawkeye's joke to give Hawkeye enrichment because Hawkeye loves... being upset I guess. Joker Is Wild? All for Hawkeye because Hawkeye loves being paranoid and alienating people. (The reasoning I've actually seen is that Hawkeye loves having an excuse to throw a tantrum lol). He totally comforts Hawkeye when Hawkeye is upset, they just never show it. He is devoted to Hawkeye, he'd do anything for him, ignore the episodes where he calls him crazy and ditches him while he's facing adversity. He's Hawkeye's emotional support!

I've seen it in serious meta and casual headcanons and fic where BJ just falls into role of tender, emotionally intelligent emotional support like it's an assumed part of their dynamic despite not only never seeing that in canon, but Hawkeye actually pointing out multiple times that BJ is not very supportive.

It's also a misreading of Hawkeye who is actually the emotional support of their friendship, rather than vice versa, and tends to go hand in hand with my first pet peeve: Hawkeye as an emotionally insecure, repressed mess lol. BJ goes to him when he needs a shoulder to cry on, something consistent to the point of it being a way to manipulate Hawkeye in Picture This. Not vice versa. Hawkeye goes to Margaret or Mulcahy or Sidney. The only example I can think of where BJ provides emotional support (by which I mean listening to Hawkeye's emotional concerns and offering supportive input) to Hawkeye is the end of Comrades in Arms, and it's like the bare minimum of fulfilling the typical best friend on tv role.

(I like that BJ doesn't fulfill that role tbh! It's more interesting that way, it makes their dynamic feel more unique and intriguing.)

-- Also people who think Mash got more progressive in the later seasons. I think it demonstrates a shallow understanding of the political implications of the show. Getting rid of the character with a slur for a nickname doesn't automatically equal less racist, it's just an easy thing to point to that doesn't require much critical thought. And the growing feminist concerns go hand in hand with depicting republicans, patriots, and racist imperialistic military commanders as good people.

And to be fair I sympathize with this take, I've seen it everywhere from fandom to grumbling republicans complaining about mash getting preachier to professionally written retrospectives and academic analysis lol, so it's not like I hold fandom to higher standards. The ways Mash grows more regressive are more insidious, and the problems in the early seasons are much more obvious and in your face than in the later seasons. And there will always be some debate on whether eg rampant womanizing is worse than pro-imperialism messages, though I know what side I fall on there.

But imo it still sucks that it's such a popular opinion.

-- The emphasis on found family, especially in a 'the war brought them together' sense. Any hint of gratitude that the war let them meet people they love in fic, or whatever. This is something I can't completely blame on fandom because the show itself veered uncomfortably close to this a few times too in the later years, but yeah I'm not a fan. To me the most important aspect of Mash is the fact that they all hate it there, the war is worse than hell, they're virtually prisoners trapped in a nightmare, and any of the draftees would absolutely trade those relationships for an end to the war or just a ticket home. Their friendships are less a silver lining and more a painkiller that just barely takes the edge off. I think this vibe is clearer in the first half of the show, but that's yet another reason the first half is better and more progressive politically lol. And it doesn't disappear in the latter half either, just gets a bit more muddied.

-- This kind of goes hand in hand with the above points, but I feel like it's more of an older Mash fandom issue that I encounter when archive diving moreso than a thing currently (though I do occasionally still see it these days): fans who actively like the military stuff lol. I've read fic where dog tags are kinked on/romanticized, fic that depicts draft-dodging as bad, etc. These days it's more stuff in line with the worst parts of canon, like taking Potter at face value as a Good authority figure who deserves respect because of his military experience, but yeah. Don't like that.

-- Okay that's all I got off the top of my head. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to whine lol

[justajsworkshop]

i think a topic i'd love to hear more about is something you wrote about before - the concept of not forcing yourself to imagine. why do you think people force themselves? i think it may be the pressure to change the 3d. have you ever been in that position? what do you think is the remedy to it?

oh, yeah. for sure! so, by the nature of existence, we can't really say what other people's experiences are like—only how we individually experience reality. this is something i'm working on curbing myself because i tend to veer into "we" territory since i was used to using that in my old coaching space.

so while i can't speak for what other people's experiencing of themselves and reality is like, i can definitely speak to my own! and if what i say resonates for you (whoever is reading this), then feel free to take this for a bit of your own self-reflection.

for the sake of simplicity and clarity, i'm going to use the term "to imagine" as a blanket term for affirming, visualizing, or any other use of awareness to experience yourself differently.

whenever i forced myself to imagine, the forcefulness was stemming from two main causes:

(1) because i saw the "use" of imagination as a means to an end. i thought i "had" to imagine in order to receive my desire. imagination was the process/requirement to fulfill, and my fulfillment was conditional upon it. this perspective inherently implies separation between me and my desire because imagination is what "fills in the gap."

as a result, i often imagined from a place of "i am not that which i desire to be, and i have to do this to get what i want." so, i was pushing myself to do this thing, with an underlying fear of nonfulfillment as the foundation for this imaginal act. so, even if i was exhausting myself to death affirming or visualizing, i was convicted of being a self who was not what i desired to be. so, you can guess what manifested: nonfulfillment. it was a perfect manifestation of who i said i was: a person who doesn't have what they want.

(2) i trusted my "efforting" more than my being. this is understandable because of all our conditioning and blah, blah, blah. but i don't want to give that too much credit or it gets easy to use as a crutch. i thought that success (i.e., fulfillment) was dependent on how hard i tried. so, i would be obsessing over every detail in an imaginal scene or getting it just right and perfecting the fuck out of it, which, of course, was not fun whatsoever.

i was caught up in my ego around my performance because i saw my fulfillment conditional upon how well i executed this imaginal act (the detail of visualization, how much i affirmed, the hours of saturation, etc.). when you perceive fulfillment as conditional upon your doing/efforting, then you set yourself up to be, well, really tired. lbr. because you're always going to be asking yourself "was it enough? did i try hard enough? did i work hard enough? did i affirm enough? saturate long enough? do it right?"

so, once again, i created a gap between fulfillment and nonfulfillment, and imagination, specifically the "correct" use of it according to an authority other than myself, was what i needed to be fulfilled. then, i'd look to the physical world (seeing it as separate from me) to validate that i had "done it right" by showing me the evidence of my fulfillment (i.e., did i get my shit yet in the 3D????). and this just created a never-ending loop of trying harder and harder to imagine "correctly", then not getting my desired external result because i was still convicted of being a person who was unfulfilled. cue: serious burnout.

and this is why i'm always talking about unity and understanding yourself as god/being in perfect unity with ALL things, including your desired experience. because seeing that fulfillment just is and that i'm already one with it, all it takes is me choosing it, has brought so much fun, ecstasy, and joy back to the experience of being again.

when i imagine, i'm not doing it from an assumption of nonfulfillment. i'm choosing my desired end and giving it to myself. every affirmation/visualization is me giving myself what i want. it's me saying yes to the perfect and total fulfillment i already am.

tom's video yesterday mentioned the distinction between a desire and desiring. there's nothing wrong with having a desire because if you have a desire, you just fulfill it by choosing it. they're one in the same. but if you're desiring, you're perceiving yourself as separate from that which you want, so ofc you're gonna push yourself to do all these processes and techniques thinking you have to in order to be fulfilled.

so, again, people can come into my inbox all they want and say "i know i am god, but—" and i know instantly that you don't actually understand what that means. because if you did, there's no "but" after that statement since god is literally EVERYTHING. how can there be a "but" to everything? to all that is?? to the absolute?? god just IS; god is all of existence itself. there's no "exception" that can ever be applicable here, so you're just quoting scripture back at me to justify your limitations. weird flex, but ok??

and this is why i'm always saying the first principle of manifestation is "be still, and know that i am god." and if it just sounds like WORDS to you or an intellectual concept, then you need to reflecting inwardly and ask yourself "who am i?" get curious until you see for yourself. set the intention to have your "aha" moment or to receive the explanation in a way that resonates with you if that phrasing doesn't do it.

otherwise, your fulfillment is always going to be/feel conditional upon a technique, method, process, or performance, and you're forcing yourself to do all this shit fearing you're not going to get what you want the whole time... and as edward art said, fear is just the misuse of imagination. guess what manifests!! because we're god all the time, whether we're conscious of it or not. so you being convicted of being someone who isn't fulfilled is just going to give you more nonfulfillment because you are reality; there is no separation.

[melrosing]

This is in response to both the asoiaf fans weirdness about ugliness and attractiveness

and

The posts about brienne

So that's why it's an ask and not a reblog

Okay so I literally don't care about Rhea Royce at all. She's a side character who personally means nothing to me. But SO many fanfiction and posts immediately after season 1 were just. So fucking weird about her. "She isn't even ugly so killing her was fucked up" ...... Do you hear yourself. Look at the words you just typed. And also saw a lot of times where people excused daemon's actions towards her by pointing out she was ugly. It was just like. What. Her attractiveness does not matter??? It was so fucked up. I guess being ugly is a killable offense now. (Yes even the people who said she was attractive, this is about you)

nah it's so pathetic lol, i think something about stan fandom unleashes a childish instinct in a lot of people. it's like they missed out on getting to be the mean kids in primary school and now are trying it on in adulthood w fictional characters and actors.

and besides that - i think it goes without saying that there's a powerful bias towards attractive people in every walk of life, if you're beautiful you're going to be treated like a higher class citizen and if you're not, you're going to be placed at several disadvantages, depending on just how far you diverge from societal conventions. and I think few people are willing to reckon with that fact head on for fear of where they might fall within that spectrum.

but performing as arbiter for where others fall on that spectrum gives some a sense of empowerment, like identifying ugliness protects them from it. which is really fucking sad lol. but lbr prejudice against folk based on how they look is so fucking real. 'unattractive' isn't a class of being so it's difficult to meaningfully discuss the collective experience, and the result is that people still feel comfortable leaning into those prejudices and performing them for clout.

and obviously noone's worse for declaring those prejudices than children, but they at least have the excuse of age. don't know what the excuse is for a bunch of twenty-something twitter stans