#{ beggars can be losers (asks) }

[reminiscingtonight]

It’s All Fun and Games...

Leah Williamson x Morgan!Reader

Word Count: 662

A/N: These burbs aren’t in any specific chronological order

Sisterly Love Masterlist

[WOSO Masterlist]

As a professional soccer player, sometimes you don’t want to be playing soccer in your downtime. 

Today’s not one of those days. 

You can’t really remember who proposed it, but someone said something about a little friendly 2-on-2 and the next thing you know, the four of you are trudging to a nearby park. 

Alex (Morgan) was visiting for a couple days, so like the proper best friend she is, Alex (Scott) also wanted to tag along when she heard Leah making plans. The four of you had just had a nice little brunch, and with the great weather in London, it seemed like such a shame to let it go to waste. The solution ended up being a small 2-on-2 match, something that surprisingly no one objected to.

You’ve just dropped the ball on the ground when Alex asks a pretty reasonable question. “So how are we choosing teams?”

Leah opens her mouth, but before she can answer, you’re blurting out a response of your own. 

“I call Scott!”

“What?” Leah whips her head around, face scrunched up in confusion.

“What?” Your sister’s glaring at you, a little offended at not getting picked.

“Me?” Alex looks a little pleased, but still feigning nonchalance to avoid the wrath of both your girlfriend and sister.

Shrugging, you try to hide your grin. You slip an arm around Alex’s. “Sorry gals, you snooze, you lose. Plus Alex is like a football legend, of course I’m gonna want her on my team.”

“I’m sorry, which one of us has won two World Cups, gotten an Olympic gold, and--”

“Vanity isn’t a pretty color on you, Al,” you tsk, ignoring the offended gasp your comment earns you. 

“Excuse you, forget Alex. What about me?” Leah pushes her way in front of your sister. She’s looking pretty peeved at being left out of consideration. “I’m your girlfriend. Where’s the Arsenal loyalty, babe?”

“Legend,” you repeat, pointing at the woman still attached to you. “Arsenal legend. If anything I’m being even more loyal to Arsenal by choosing her.”

“Oh shut it, you know what I mean.”

“You know what, Leah? It’s fine.” Alex (Morgan) places an arm on your girlfriend’s shoulder. “I for one am happy to have you on my team. And we’re going to have a blast creaming them.”

Never one to be left out of conversation, Alex (Scott) speaks just before the four of you head to your respective halves. “So is there anything at stake in this game? Do the winners get anything? Or punishments for the losers?”

“Loser has to adopt (Y/N),” Alex (Morgan) grumbles, tightening her shoe laces. 

Leah’s eye twitching is the only evidence of how close she is to considering it. “Losers buy dinner tonight?” she proposes instead.

“Hope you like pasta!” you sing out, pretending not to notice the dirty look Leah instantly shoots your way. 

While Alex and Leah quickly huddle up to talk strategies, you and your Alex huddle up to do the same. 

Before you can get a word in, Alex is putting a hand on your arm, tilting her head at you inquisitively. “Love the vote of confidence, ‘go us!’, but you do know I’m the only one out of the lot of you who doesn’t play professionally anymore, right?”

You shrug. “And? Don’t say you’ve never wondered what it would be like to score against Alex Morgan. Or better yet stop her from scoring.”

You must’ve said something wrong because Alex is instantly trying not to laugh. “Oh honey,” she coos, lips twitching in amusement. “How old do you think I am? I’ve most definitely played against your sister before. Not really something I’m looking forward to doing again, but beggars can’t be choosers, right?”

You should’ve heeded Alex’s warning a bit more.

Leah tries not to be too smug when you end up getting Nandos for dinner. 

Your sister on the other hand, well she doesn’t even try to hide her glee.

[unohanabbygirl]

I mean even someone like you who literally has a redemption fic (FMN) for characters like Daemon and Aegon still pushes it.

Well since we’re having a convo i’d like to say that Cole has not shown up in FMN as of yet and if he does I’ve never said anything about him actually being a prick who goes around spreading incel rhetoric. Rather just going along with jokes and other asks but never confirming anything for certain. Second, as for your last ask I’d never put someone like Nettles and Cole in the same category since Nettles character has faced pretty violent racism from quite a few Rhaenyra/Daemon stans all while her official casting hasn’t even been announced yet. Meanwhile Cole (at least from what i’ve seen. Feel free to tell me if anything racist has been implied or said if I’m wrong) has just been called a misogynist loser who was beefing with little kids. Thats it.

Now, everyone has their own opinion on whether or not Rhaenyra took advantage of him and honestly I can see both sides of that argument. Yes, she’s a princess and does have power over him, that much is clear. However, she’s a druken teenage girl and he’s a nearly 30yr old sober man thats been by her side since she was 14. He comes from a noble house (House Cole) and is in a respected position. Some say he would’ve been punished had he said no, but I can’t see any punishment coming about from refusing the princess sex, especially when remaining chaste is a major part of his vows. You could argue Rhaenyra would’ve tried to lie and say he initiated it by coming onto her but would Viserys actually have believed that? At that point in time when he was constantly frustrated with her? I don’t think so. At the worst he would’ve been relinquished of his duties and sent back home. But like I said, he comes from an established house (while certainly not holding that much status) it’s not as though he’d become a beggar on the street. Lowborn doesn’t equate to being common or apart of the smallfolk.

Seducing someone and r*ping them are two different things entirely. He feels shame not because he’d been forced but because he broke his vows and couldn’t marry her as a way to fix it. Now, does being bitter and even hateful towards her for this what makes him a bad man? I don’t think so, he feels used and tossed aside. Anyone would. But taking that out on Harwin and her innocent children? Killing Laenor’s bf in cold blood to the point where he no longer had a face? That’s what makes people (specifically team black) dislike him.

Plus, in F&B his relationship with Rhaenyra is extremely out of line since he’s known her since she was eight. Even Alicent acknowledged it “who will protect the princess from ser criston?”

Anyway, if them having sex was meant to be viewed as sexual assault then I think someone from the cast like Milly, Fabian himself, or one of the writers would’ve said something in an interview. But again, I don’t read every little thing so if it has been said then i’d like to know.

Overall he just gives off loser who beefs with little kids and kills innocent people because of his anger issues to me. But that doesn’t mean I dislike or have any beef with his character. He just hasn’t been fleshed out enough to delve into anything deeper besides the incel jokes. Maybe in season two we might get something I can work with, something that gives him a personality. Because while Daemon, Aegon, and even Corlys (I haven’t forgotten about him trying to marry off Laena to Viserys old ass) have personality. It draws people in despite their gross actions.

[tianhai03]

Can you stop being such a cunt, tranny. "I have a job and barely any free time anymore. who are you to tell me what to do. go learn some manners before you say anything under my art again" You sell prints, when you didn't pay the artist for the characters or their time, and want to talk, bitch. maybe stop selling other people's characters, and acting like a beggar, constantly giving out your inprnt store. Tell you what, since you value your time so much I value Capcom's time, and am reporting your inprnt account. Shut the fuck up, you stupid, degenerate loser. Your art sucks.

wow, it's my first time being called a slur! isnt that a big accomplishment. thanks for wasting your time coming all the way to here from twitter just to hide behind anon and say vile shit to me. why didnt you just comment on my tweet? you couldve saved a couple of minutes doing that. or is someone too scared to say shit to me directly to my face?

as for the inprnt thing, i never begged anyone to buy my stuff. i literally started selling my prints because people have been asking it for years, and ive stated MULTIPLE TIMES that no one should feel obligated to buy anything from me because its not my main income and its just a side extra thing i do. PEOPLE WANTED PRINTS OF MY ART, THEY ASKED FOR IT FOR LITERAL YEARS, AND IM JUST GIVING THEM WHAT THEY WANT. if youve ever seen me beg people to buy my art please let me know because i sure as fuck dont remember doing it. the only reason why i post my inprnt stuff so often is because the site has sitewide sales often, and if i have a way to let people pay less for my art if they want to im going to give them exactly that.

i know selling stuff with other people's IPs isnt exactly legal, its a big grey area that has no 100% rights or wrongs. but im not actively harming anyone just because i made art of a character and sold it online. the big companies arent losing any money because of me, you can always take the money youre paying for my prints and just buy official merch. i dont care. im going to repeat myself again and tell you that im only selling prints FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WANT IT AND CAN AFFORD IT. IF YOU DONT WANT IT THEN ITS NOT FOR YOU.

if you think selling fanart is so wrong, think back to all the times youve seen a voice actor for a show or a video game commissioning artists to draw the characters they voice. according to your logic, even though theyve spend their own time and effort on a crucial part of the character, theyre still not allowed to commission stuff of that character because they dont own the rights to them. does that mean youre going to report them too? are you gonna go to capcom and tell them "HEY MR. NICK COMMISSIONED SOMEONE TO DRAW A BUNCH OF RESIDENT EVIL CHARACTERS FOR HIS STREAMS AND HE DIDNT PAY BACK THE ENTIRE RE TEAM FOR THEIR TIME AND EFFORT MAKING THE GAME. THE ONLY THING HE DID IS VOICE LEON YOU GUYS NEED TO STOP HIM"? of course not, you'll look like a fucking idiot. i might not own the characters either, but ive spent my own time and the drawing skills ive developed over the past decade to draw those prints. i own the rights to my drawings and i should be allowed to do anything i want with them as long as im not harming anyone.

clearly you cant stand me or anything i do but youre still following me for some reason. please for the love of god block me right now, leave me alone and live your own life. you'll be happier that way. and also stop being transphobic its literally 2023.

[logarhythm-bees]

To Unearth and Back Again; ⛅Chapter 14

Chapter Thirteen | Table of Contents | Chapter Fifteen

See ronithesnail's absolutely wonderful art for this story!

I fell for the beggar’s son In the puddled porch with his shoes undone And the silver coin that had made him come Into the yellow light

-The Inventor's Daughter, Branches

“Now that I’ve told you about my friends, you tell me about yours!” Remus cheered.

Janus frowned at him over a sip of tea. “I thought I made it clear, Remus. I do not want to talk about my ‘issues’ with Roman and Virgil.”

“Not them,” Remus chastised. “Your lame hand warmers. Y’know, Mister Light Blue and Darker Blue glasses.”

Janus stared at him. “You…want to hear about my boyfriends?”

Remus shrugged his shoulders. “You don’t want to feed me your problems like a lionfish in the pacific. I’ve already introduced you to my companions- who are better at coming to tea parties than you by the way, show up on time next time-”

“You kidnapped me.” Janus interrupted. 

“Irrelevant. Anyways, it’s the next conversation topic on the table, unless you want to see which one of us hits the ground faster if we jump out the window. I’ll put a trampoline at the bottom, it’ll be fine.”

“Let’s not.” Janus admonished, fiddling with his gloves. “What… did you want to know?”

“Whatever.” Remus said, sitting backwards on his chair now, having turned it around to face Janus. “Keep in mind though, anything you say can be used against you in court. You have the right to talk to a lawyer for advice before we ask you any questions. You have the right to have a lawyer with you during questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer-”

“Stop, stop!” Janus yelled. “You don’t need to read me the Miranda warnings, and also the only lawyers in the mindscape are me and my boyfriends, I don’t know what you would do.”

“Just making sure you know your rights.” Remus told him. “You gonna talk about your boyfriends or not?”

Janus took a sip of his drink, thinking. “It’s been…nice, being partners with them.”

He rapped his fingers against the mug, nails making a soft clink. 

“Patton loves so much, and so openly,” he hummed, “I didn’t know someone could love quite so much.

Logan’s love isn’t so…overflowing, but it’s still so strong. He looks at us like he looks at his favorite constellations,” Janus mumbled shyly over his tea. 

“We balance each other out. I know how important self-love is, but it’s different being loved so by someone else.” Janus blushed. “Patton told me my love is like salted caramel. I’m not sure I understand what that means, but it’s sweet, isn’t it?”

“I think his love is a little bit like cookies, though.” Janus said. “They’re warm and comforting. And Logan’s like a dictionary, a little sharp around the edges, but you can always rely on them, and they’re sturdy and supporting.”

Janus sighed out dreamily, and Remus laughed. “Oh, you’re all saps. You’re going to be such dorks when they find you.”

Janus startled, staring at Remus. “You didn’t tell them where I was?”

“Of course I told them where you are, silly.” Remus teased. “It’s the getting here that they’re gonna struggle with.”

“The getting here?” Janus echoed. 

Remus chugged the rest of his tea and poured himself a fresh cup. “Roman paid me a dollar to get him some alone time with Virgil, so I sent the losers on a high-fantasy quest. I don’t know what any of you expected from me.”

“I think I should go,” Janus said, standing quickly from the table, but Remus shot him down with a glare. “They’re on a quest together.”

“So?” Janus asked.

“So they’re bonding.” Remus drawled. “Collaborating. Getting along. Fusing into a single entity shaped like something you won’t let me say. Maybe going wild and biting each other-” 

“That’s enough.” Janus said. “How- how long do you think they’ll be?”

“I gave ‘em some challenges to work out, but Roman’s probably rushing here to kick my butt, so probably not that long.” Remus responded and passed him the plate of biscuits. “Unless they get lost, or something. Maybe I should’ve given them a map.”

“…Let’s hope they’re not lost.” Janus supplied, and took a biscuit.

[zot3-flopped]

I watched Niall's livestream on TikTok by someone who uploaded it on YouTube and omfg he is worse than ever with his egomaniac tendencies and begging.

First off he was pissed off that only 24k had joined the livestream saying "where the people at" and some fan tried to join the live and he said "nobody is getting in here" and turned the function off.

Then someone asked if he is going to the Grammy's this year and he said "no, I would love to go the Grammy's but not just yet. Maybe one day hopefully" and had his fingers crossed. Delusion is a disease and each 1d guy except Harry has it. He tried to sing Miley's new song and failed.

And then.... he started the BEGGING! He went into a whole desperate ranting saying "you need to pre save, pre order and do all that pre stuff as much as you can. Tell all your friends, teachers, grannies, aunties and uncles and whoever needs to tell."

Someone then asked why is he so sassy and he said he was born this way. 🙄 He blamed the pandemic for HBW flopping too.

And finally the FINAL BEGGING began before he ended the livestream. Then onwards it was Pre save pre save pre save and that he wanted to change his name to Niall pre save Horan. And then he went on the begging spree "whatever you need to do, hashtag, do whatever you need to do let everyone know, stick posters in your hometown, tell everyone, I don't care who it is, tell them and they'll be able to pre order or pre save it..... pre save the fucking shite of it. Make sure you pre save it. Make sure you make up other accounts if you have to. Pre save it and we'll have fun when the song comes out. Let's get this campaign off to a good start to make it a very good couple of years. If we get off to a strong start with strong pre saves, first single, 2nd single in and we'll be ready to go."

He ended the livestream by telling off a fan who already pre saved to pre save it twice. And not without his egomaniac self making an appearance saying "let's make some noise in the music industry for the next couple of years for this era. This era is going to be a good one."

So all in all he is readying us for another beggar man era. Lord help us all.

Thanks for this! What a desperate, desperate loser. His anxiety levels around this release are already sky high, so much so that he's started haranguing his fans! The pre save numbers must be dire for him to be harassing them like this.

[homiro]

I'm posting this knowing well that it'll get zero traction since I'm a nobody and nobody will care, but I'm desperate, so what the hell. I'm not going to say that I'm this that or the other. It's been said so many times by so many people that nobody cares any more and that's the harsh truth everyone has to reckon with, I think.

We're not living in an active siege location or want to rebuild a life, because there was never a life to rebuild to begin with. We just need another car (an old car, cheap) and it has to be a hatchback sedan because it has to be able to fit two wheelchairs and two disabled people at once sometimes. My mother is being lured into a scam for a three door hatchback that's too cheap for what's supposed to be and how good the owner said it was. And she won't listen to me or my cousin whose father works with cars, because my opinion is worth less than shit. We have very little money and she wants to throw the little she was able to save in 4 years which was around 1000 euros at this snake oil seller. I don't know how to start go fund mes and honestly won't bother with that.

My links are in my carrd. If you can help a whole ass beggar, check them out.

I hate having to do this, especially after seeing a post saying 'oh you won't donate and want people to buy you shitty commissions just because you can't hold down a job' which made me feel genuinely like I don't want to be here anymore. I'm a talentless loser, but being disabled and unable to find a job isn't really my fault. I didn't ask to be born and this is bringing me so much stress and anxiety that I just have nothing else to say. I hate coming online most of the time lately because without fail the first thing I'm greeted with is guilt-tripping, since apparently to some people, living in a "first world country" means you can't be poor. That's why I'm not even going to bother with creating a go fund me.

And this isn't to shit on anyone else or discredit anyone's struggles, because I don't do that even though mine are discredited daily because strife is measured with tape, apparently. So much about not comparing struggles only for that to crumble at the drop of a hat. How dare I say I'm struggling when people are dying and doing much worse? Yeah, I've heard that my whole life and now I'm getting the confirmation bias all over again.

I guess this is more of a vent than anything.

[solardick]

Card letter Xh. Seems it may be well suited to be the beggar. Which is laughable to what it means to the tarot. Being the sun card. A sun card depicting a woman and a man in each others company. Leaning to the ramantic and joyful. Everytime i came across a cloud Omen. As they all seem to be. As Omens and not portents. The X signified some sort of let down, or disappointment. A nullification. Even though ive come across the sun card manifestation in the literal sense as two children playing. A boy and a girl. It never leads to completion.

Coniferous, brushwood, hut. bad, evil, cherub, laughter, thin, lean, ill, art, choir, pretty, bachelor, cool, cold, cotton, invalid. Cunning, theft, predator, drunk, intoxication, christianity. Abuse, hooligan, maybe not the beggar.

Letter Xh. On overlay. The pronunciation. Doesn’t exist in english. It is described as a Kh. Being a close semblance to H. Is curious in itself as H is the lovers card. With cupid. A cherub. And X is the sun as lovers. Albeit. A difference form of love. More towards innocence than passion. The appearance of a cherub. Isn’t far from a scene of a chanting choir in the background. A poor weak single man. It mixes in elements from the marseille’s fool card.

A crow on one side, a dove on the other. Seems to fit in-between the etteilla death card and my revised priestess card. As it does also paint the image of a thief. In the scene of desperation. And wiilingness to do the crime in the name for better. So maybe a switching is is order. And a look into letter Ee.

But, what is a cherub? Biblically speaking the cherub isn’t what is considered an angel. It’s more of a guardian at the gate. And are inhuman. Present with some human qualities. Namely the head to be given the ability to speak. The Egyptian sphinx is a cherub. In that sense. Less a speaker of riddles and deeper truths. It is supposed to have the mixed qualities of the lion and the bull. Strength in the voice and sacrifice of the vessel. For those whom are born outside the garden of eden. Are to be one with god. And exclusively so to be. If this to be violated, then its the expulsion back to the land of man. To imperfect laws. And the horror of their ways. The cherub also has wings. Said to be wings of an eagle. It doesn’t specify that of the dove. The modern day form of cherub. Is taken as a baby. But there is nothing frightening in a baby. Its a story descending from the greek/roman pantheon of gods. Bridging venus and mars together as one to the god Eros of lust and love. In that order.

The story of card Xkh here, then takes on a dubious predicament for origin. For what story is there to tell. The cherub or the cupid in between of the virgin “goddess” figure standing in for the high priestess. The invite teasing the will forward away from the land of man’s twisted nazi cocksukr ways. To the promise of something beautiful and true. Sadly the scenes plays in for a mirage of satanic bs teasing the disease to extricate itself to champion its stance to loser and prey.

For in english the next letter is Y x isnt moving away from it it is moving towards it. And the world card to fallow overlaps something else. And she’s not what he seems.

In reality of the script overlay in its written form is, У X Y. They can play all they want on this regard but the difference is still there. It’s only noticed with a keener sense of sight. Parading itself to be something it’s not. And here flipping the journey forward back around to be traveling back in the same direction in which One comes. But the difference is seen. And which card is that? It’s W. the moon. A flipped mirrored image. In a prison cell one was born in. Always in the constant motion of perverting reality. I know this to be true. Its been 39 straight years of this. I didn’t ask to be born a russian. So to say.

But since i was robbed from heaven since i was 8. And the world has done nothing but harm me since before then. Wonder who my alpha male is gonna be. They’re trying to build me a sense of confidence now. But, it’s a failed endeavour. While my ass continues to hurt from whatever they dosed me with. It’ll be around my birthday next year.

Thinknim gonna give up doing rarot and go back to smoking dope and being an incompetent gamer. These last few years being run by other people is all the propf i need not to be rational. Guess ill

Never lnow what it is not being owned by someone.

No wonder i dont want to eat anymore. Mars is about food amd cleaning. Dont need one. Theres nothing to liok foreard to in life. Im going to go get hogh.

And….. we’re high. Hmm.

Cherub. Coniferous. Beggar or fool. Bundle of brushwood. Odd little cherub looking ugly thing.

Sexchems and abuse.

Love being an eight year old child surrounded by predators. Makes life grand. Always was an entourage of predators. Even back then. I know the mentality well. When a brother purposefully pretends not to see you in hide and seek. And gleams on being in that disposition of superiority. For a single example, have more. Just fallowing me from the grave to the grave. Haunted by evil. Its always been there. Ive seen it slither up to front. Smiling. With those dead eyes in joy. The make believe stances. Little ways they move. Little ways the speak. Tongue weaving as it hissles the senses. The kind complements. The vicious undertones.

Too bad the cherubim are invisible. Never seen one. Maybe. I am not sure. Wouln’t be one. No. Thats all the facade. Planned script. It’s not alive. Like the things ive seen. When life is in nothing but in the way things move, like the wind. Natural things. Wont try to explain it to a bunch of morons. Its best when it’s sense. In that state of distance. When the relationship is unbroken.

The peddler, to give it a name. Card preceding this one. Needs a quill and a list of paper. A snake. wrapped around a leg? The leg would imply the man. If it didn’t have a significance to apply the thee. And not a thee.

Card letter, trap! Х(kh). A little english justice in there. And not a love as harmony. And the warning for Adam. Is a nice touch. The X of the sun, crossing it out…. To the other side.

Rough draft

But to this script the kh is the chariot and the patriarch. Here from this perspective. There’s the added love as passion. As driven blending with the father. Compared to justice and love as harmony. K to the english latin is open to what temperance closes with an R. The X blends something resembling above to the lovers as in innocense to the sun. Because it’s a lunar deck. It doesn’t fallow the sun as production. It’s been left unspoken.

The cherub here depicted as four separate beings, brings to life ezekial’s prophecy. If one knows what that is. One may use it. But it gives breath to the aquarian form as being the leading role. This being the voice of the people. As centre image. The serpent willing it’s bs. Which isn’t true and mislead. And can’t really be fallowed through because it’s wrong. Erroneous, and shining the unrational side of a stinging Wring-worm.

Ok, shut up! Jesus.

I want to vomit. Where sherry when you need her.

Man i could have helped that girl. Thanks for ruining it. And here i am being forced to relive my childhood for eternity. In that same frame of being driven without conscious inflection. Overruling as a shadow for a demon. People want that. People are dumb.

Well guess the tarot journey is over. You’re welcome. I played. You suck. Son’t want to play anymore. And that fucken dictionary. All sources uh? Alright. Pot and video games it is. Just read through most of letter H. Its a giant fuck fest of slutty sexual conditioning. In, on , at. Pull, push. Back, on in at push floor naked, hang, rise. push pull. Out in. Whimper, plead , aisde unleash at from. Back naked, community, forced rape, violence, evil, push pull on in out, to the death.(forever)….etc. ok. Sure why not.

Drop the latin tarot script entirely. There’s no mixing in with. Won’t prevent them from running their own though.

And i’ll wait on another 0.3.3 degrees to pluto for another attack on my person. To force an eviction. Send out the deafening alarming sound. Of the tower overlaying the 4 of swords next to the final Judgement. Nazi’s taking everything by force. Burning theough till the resources are gone or overecumbered by the effort.

Trump is entertaining, though. Stand up comedy.

Have no choice. Come up with something unique. All these sources corrupted but, the idea behind them is brilliant. Creation of “archetype”. Use the russian Cyrillic as the blue print layout. I like how that works. All sources are corrupted can’t rely on anything. Very slow process. Because i don’t work. I don’t do anything. Like in supposed to.

Maybe take depression time off the end of winter beginning of spring. Round there. They’ll hit me at home for the transits anyway.

Who needs to develop a personality and charecter anyway. Do what im supposed to do and be a mute dont talk to anyone. About anything. The food ol’life. Hope they stoo raping me now. Or of they add in a fifth fucken decade. 40 yearsbof beimg tredded on my nazi fucken cocksukrs is getten lame. At least do the humane thing and fucken kill me ya bunch of fucken pussies.

[imdoingwhateverisnext]

The Desperation

It is a scent that predators love and "normal" people avoid because it smells really bad. Notice how it feels when a person that you are not interested in is saying anything, nearly begging for a date or even a moment of your time. Yesterday I put myself in the shoes of that desperate person. Not intentionally, but I caught myself doing it.

My oldest son is married. When he calls me (rarely), he doesn't talk for long. It isn't personal, it is just the way he is. He isn't a big phone talker. When he visits me, he rarely stays longer than 30 min or an hour tops. Even on special occasions. Again, it isn't personal. Yet I heard myself on the phone after 20 minutes of conversation, trying to extend the time I could talk to him. Asking questions, being overly chatty. I invited him and my daughter-in-law over for a movie or game night. I love her like she is my own as well. I asked if I could cook for them. I listed all of the dishes I had that I could make, trying to appeal to any level of cheapness or laziness by offering him basically whatever meal he wanted with no clean up requirements. He kept putting me off and declined my offer to cook for and entertain them. I could tell he was politely trying to get off the phone, so I relented. I left the door open if he were to change his mind and want to come over later (I could always hope). When we hung up, I thought to myself, 'I wouldn't want to come hang out with a pathetic loser like myself either!" Very sad.

Even writing this, I can feel how pitiful it is. I gave birth to these people. I shared my own internal organs as living space (rent free). Oh and believe me, they would not have gotten their deposits back had I charged them. They did not leave the place looking as nice as it did before they moved in. I have never tried this hard for a friendship or a date, not ever! I wouldn't dare! I have dignity! Yeah right. I used to have dignity. Apparently those days are numbered too. I can't wait to see how it feels when I am dumped at a nursing home and never have visitors. I guess I should prepare myself for that seemingly inevitable outcome.

If I wasn't yet certain of my situation or standing, I had two more opportunities on the same day to prove just how pathetic I had become. My other son, who is 18, and my daughter, 16, would be my next two chances to redeem myself.

My daughter disappears downstairs into the 'dungeon' soon after she comes home. I try to get her to stay upstairs with me for as long as I can. It is a futile effort. I often can bribe her with chocolate, or a ride somewhere she wants to go. Again offering to cook something, go pick up take out, or watch a movie together (even one I know she will like and I won't). This was the level of desperation I had reached. I knew my odds were not good, but I was pulling out some of my best work. Ultimately my pleas ended as I sadly watched her disappear down the stairs to her room. "I love you Mom. Goodnight". She says as I hear her door close.

"I love you too baby girl".

My 18 year old will usually spend 20-30 minutes at a time with me. If I press the issue, I can force more time, but if I do, it isn't mutually fun or even pleasant. I worked so much as they grew up. I missed out on so many important things...just so I could work, earn money, and destroy my knees and psyche. Since my near death experience I can honestly say that the words, "I wish I could have worked more" didn't enter my mind. Now it is too late, and my desperation is becoming clearer.

I can't buy their affection because I had been disabled and out of work for a while. Now I want to take in every last moment of time they will allow me to spend with them, no matter how brief or fleeting. There may never be another chance.

Oh My God...What have I become?! I am a beggar. I beg for my children's affection and their time. and like the Cat's in the Cradle song, it is already too late. My heart is broken and my nest is almost empty. Every day is like a countdown toward the end of my time with the best 3 things I have ever taken part in.

I am a desperate loser. I admit it. My kids are too cool to hang out with me and I fucked up my entire life and their childhoods by working all of the time. I can never get that time back.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't the least bit upset about all of the hours of work that was required for me to live comfortably, in the same exact way I live now. The main differences are then I had a little extra money to do things and no free time to do them. Now I have free time and no free money. I try to stay positive, but sometimes these feelings grab me in the center of my chest, and it feels like my soul (or what is left of it) is being crushed.

I am not looking for pity or sympathy, I am just trying to maintain what is left of my peace of mind. There is nothing that anyone can do for me or give to me that will give me that time back. I am hoping that eventually if I write about it enough, the feelings will begin to ease, but I am not overly confident.

Today my perfume is sadness sprinkled with hints of regret, in a base scent of uncomfortable desperation. Maybe tomorrow I will wear the glow of confidence, sprinkled with hope for the future, and youthful exuberance.

It could happen.

[blonkk]

shut the fuck up about the layers of your problems and “oppression”. this has gotta be the worst fucking thing that’s come out of “social conciousness”. like idk how to tell you this but everyone’s life is fucking hard. OBVIOUSLY when you’re part of a marginalized group things get harder but fr why is everyone so fucking dedicated to being miserable victims. deadass this is why white people are obsessed with being “queer”. it’s so annoying and i’m not giving you my fucking money. you know what i am if everyone needs to go there so fucking bad??!???? i’m a brown FEMALE person child of immigrants chronically ill chronically depressed diagnosed with ADHD and even thought to have autism by some. fuck if i’m gonna let all these awful labels define me for the rest of my fucking life and use them to make people feel sorry for me. i don’t even believe the ADHD and autism — honestly i think the adhd is a result of the conditions i live in and the fact that i just don’t respond to authority. but anyways like using this shit as a way to beg for money is just so pathetic and lazy and self absorbed lol. get a fucking job. i don’t even care anymore. yes i know getting a job doesn’t fix all your problems and that especially today there’s no reward for working but seriously why do you think you’re special???!!? i bust my balls working and have been since i was 16. i don’t get to use the child of immigrants excuse because IM NOT THE IMMIGRANT THEY WERE LMAOOOO seriously people are so pathetic it makes me so mad. there are people in the world that genuinely need help, need aid, can’t work. i’ve been directly beside those people. i’ve seen how the system fails the people who rely on it the most, and a lazy 20something with adhd and anxiety from a lower-middle-class background is not one of those people. i’ve worked in the lowest rungs in society and make no money, even now with qualifications, and i can’t afford basic things. is that ok? no it is not. do i think everyone should struggle? no i don’t . but i’m not gonna sit here and watch you freakish beggars try to manipulate people into feeling sorry for you because of your “identity”. stop being lazy and self centered. get a job and struggle like everyone else; maybe then you’ll see the value of work and money and why begging people for theirs is greedy. (no i’m not talking about poor people asking wealthy people for help, no i’m not saying luckier people shouldn’t distribute wealth if they can. they definitely should, that’s always been my belief.) i’m talking about these young kids acting like they’re at the forefront of some revolution by refusing to be a part of the real world and “advocating”; you’re not advocating for shit, you’re excusing your own selfishness and laziness. not to sound like a boomer but my taxes pay for your ei and disability that you steal from those who actually need it. my taxes are not meant to be YOUR public property. obviously it’s not right that the government takes my fucking money and i’m not even making a basic salary. but i can’t stand seeing these whiny children abusing public funding with such greed and entitlement. you’re doing harm whether you believe it or not and you’re splitting people more and more. there’s stubborn conservatives who refuse to understand other perspectives and think everyone has it the same and then there’s these loser lefties who see nothing wrong with taking what’s not theirs and refusing to get off their ass and try. seriously you’re mentally ill? maybe stop coddling yourself. you CAN work. you CAN get up, open the blinds, go outside, be a part of life.

it fucking sucks. but you don’t constantly need “rest”. you don’t get to treat everyone else like shit because you feel bad. grow up. all you big babies do is make people question the validity of mental illness and refuse to take it seriously because you want to be treated like special children. life is hard. life doesn’t make sense for most people until they get older. you’re in your twenties or teens or even thirties???? newsflash no one’s “happy”! no one’s got it figured out!!!! now quit being such a crybaby and go experience life instead of sitting in your room on tiktok all day thinking you’re so educated for having different labels to attach to everyone based on knowing next to nothing about who they are besides maybe their skin colour and background. touch grass. stop asking for money and co opting your way into marginalized group’s spaces because you’re a leech. i hate u all fr do you think during the mf depression 22 yr olds were rotting in their parents houses complaining that life is hard and they can’t work because they have anxiety and it’s too much?? no they went and did what they had to do and starved and struggled because that’s what you do. some people are luckier than others. bitch i was i was growing up in the 80s but that’s just not my choice. but hey if you wanna sit on the sidelines and complain all your life you do you. just don’t expect people to pay for it. freaks and weirdos!!!

[boozeforblues]

These Parasites Are Like Bedbugs And Every Flashback Is Another Mattress

Roving targets, he's picking off his feelings from a sniper's nest A cliché adrift in a sea of alcohol, another wave crests Threatening to drown him as he stops paddling It's a fine line between love and in love that he's straddling Driving blindly through intersections, mixing metaphors and cocktails alike Retreats to a comfortable position, he's all set to psych Himself out with clever wordplay to serve as a distraction Self flagellation for every minor infraction Spitting on every mirror he passes, disdain for the cheap and ersatz Still deluded into thinking he can find the upshot When his track record is like a laundry list of failures Saying all the wrong things in a brilliant attempt to curtail your Exuberance, call it a fatal flaw on my part Drunk and thumbing a ride in the middle of Dysart Punishing himself for wandering back into this arena Admitting to himself that it's been a while since he's seen a Sign of life, much like the ones she can't contain Self loathing and pity, singing a familiar refrain Bargaining with himself as if time was ever his ally A monologic debate, asking himself "shall I?" Thinking better of it, he takes another shot of whiskey He hasn't had enough to engage in behavior this risky She prods him for an answer while he coyly sidesteps it Wondering when his own heart will provide him a respite Telling himself that the truth is so goddamn tricky When it actually isn't, making mental notes to make it a quickie But instead it'll drag on for years if he's not mindful Convincing himself it won't come to that because he isn't prideful Waging a civil war, and the winner still comes out a loser Daily affirmations about how beggars can't be choosers But this shitty life chose him, or so he swears Wondering how nicely his drink pairs With defeatism, call it culinary dereliction Inevitably, his thoughts always turn to wistful fiction Guns blazing, all at once figuratively and inward Once again left with a sullen mind and an ego injured She's got hearts to break and he's got fences to mend, see? A charade in third person, it's my poor friend me…

[askquillakuzco]

We're going shopping this weekend right?

“Can’t say no to that! Thankfully I’m fairly free this weekend. Free enough, anyway. Any stores in particularyou wanna drop by first?”

[ijhyo]

ISN’T IT ROMANTIC?

part of the ‘what the heart desires’ valentines day collab

PAIRING. idol park sunghoon x idol gn reader

SUMMARY. a secret date, a closet and nosy members—when you and your boyfriend plan to sneak away from work to spend valentines day together, what could possibly go wrong?

GENRE. fluff ; established relationship ; humour ; idol au ; valentines day WARNINGS. kissing ; one swear word

FEATURING. ni-ki (enhypen)

WORD COUNT. 1k

A/N. happy valentines day to all u sad and lonely losers 🥺 not me though, jayhoon and i r making out rn. thanks to @enluv coming up with this event and check out the other fics in this collab!

TAGGING. @jaysstarz @tsupuffs @yjwfav @mykalon (fill this to be on my permanent taglist)

Being in a relationship with another idol meant that the amount of time you got to spend together was severely limited, especially when no one else knew about it. Trying to go out without being recognised was nearly impossible and sneaking out was harder than it looked. But luckily, there were certain events where no one would bat an eye if you were to be seen together. And with the release of your group’s new album, you and your boyfriend can spend the whole day together without anyone noticing.

You thank your company for making your comeback periods overlap.

Today’s music show just happened to fall on Valentines Day, the first one you and your boyfriend are spending together since you started dating, and while you would have preferred to spend it somewhere quiet with just the two of you, beggars can’t be choosers. And besides, he looked really good on stage.

After your recording ends, you are walking down the halls to your group’s waiting room when an arm shoots out from beside you and pulls you into a small room. You yelp, stumbling slightly as you hit somebody’s chest and the door shuts behind you.

The room is small and dark, probably a supply closet of some kind. Whoever grabbed you fumbles around for a moment before turning on the single light. When your eyes adjust to the dim light and you finally identify your assailant, you huff out indignantly and slap his shoulder. “Oh my god, you scared me!”

“Ow!” Sunghoon yells, clutching his arm dramatically. You roll your eyes fondly, leaning against the wall behind you. Your boyfriend abandons his arm and stalks close to you. “Hey,” he breathes out when you’re almost nose to nose.

You can’t help but grin up at him. “Hey, yourself.”

“These are for you,” he says, reaching behind him and revealing a single plastic rose. You accept it, the dopey smile on your face growing wider. “I stole it from the display outside because I thought it would be too suspicious to show up with a bunch of flowers.”

“A Valentine’s Day spent in a closet. How romantic,” you muse, teasingly.

Sunghoon winks. “Only the best for you.”

“How much time do you have?”

He checks his phone. “I think I’ve got ten more minutes till I need to be on standby.”

“Okay, do you want to spend that time making out or talking about how much we like each other?” you ask, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively and Sunghoon barks out a laugh.

“Well, as amazing as the first option sounds, I’d rather not be completely out of breath before even getting on stage, so you know. I really like you a lot?”

“How boring,” you groan, grin never leaving your face. You kiss him once on the mouth. “I really like you a lot, too.”

His smile is so bright, almost blinding. Your chest flutters at the sight. He grabs both of your hands in his and brings you closer to him, if possible. “Next time, when we’re free, we should go do something nice.” He circles his thumbs on the back of your hand.

“This is nice. I love cramped spaces and the smell of dust.”

“You’re just so funny today, aren’t you?” he groans, grinning widely, and you laugh.

“I’d like that, too. It would be nice to actually have time to ourselves and not have to worry about angry managers—Which, by the way, how much time is left?”

He checks his phone again. “Less than five minutes.”

You nod decisively. “We should make out now.”

He looks torn. Sunghoon keeps glancing between your eyes and your lips, trying to keep his resolve and be responsible. Then he sighs dramatically and grabs your face in both hands. “You’re a bad influence. If I fall off stage later because I’m dizzy, I’m blaming you.

“Fair enough.” He finally closes the gap, pressing his lips against yours. The kiss is all smiles and quiet giggles. His arms snake around your waist, pulling you closer until you are flush against him. You could probably stay here forever, you think.

“Oh-ho-ho.” The door slams open and the two of you spring apart from each other as if you’ve been burnt. You turn on your heel to see who it is that caught you and how much trouble you are going to be in and are faced with ENHYPEN’s maknae staring at you with a shit eating grin. “Jake owes me so much money. And you guys are gonna be in so much shit.”

“Please don’t tell anyone,” you plead at the same time Sunghoon says, “You guys had a bet?”

Riki just nods like he’s stumbled upon the greatest treasure in the world. “Knew you would try to sneak away together and I was right. Oh,” he glances at his member, an evil glint in his eye, “and we’re on soon.”

He leaves with a conspiratorial wink, closing the door again as he leaves, and Sunghoon groans into your shoulder. “How was that for a first Valentines Day date?”

You suppose, being in a public place, it was bound to happen anyway. You are just glad it’s someone you know.

“Oh, super romantic. From the closet, to the dust mites, to your evil member catching us—We should do this again sometime.” You wink cheekily and your boyfriend whines, hiding his face in his hands. Laughing, you pull them away and hold them in your own. “I’m just teasing. I had fun, really. I love spending time with you, no matter what we’re doing.”

The grin you get in return is soft and secret and you capture it in your memory and lock it away. “Well, since Riki is definitely going to go blab to the other guys, we could probably have our next date at my dorm.”

You pretend to think. “It’s gonna be hard to top this, but I guess I could settle.”

He smiles blindingly. “One more kiss before I go?”

“Look who’s the bad influence now?” You oblige him anyway, a soft and chaste kiss that leaves you wanting more.

Sunghoon rests his forehead on yours, smile wide and giddy. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Y/N.”

[monochromemedic]

I had been stuck in the Dark World for who knows how long. The days didn’t seem to matter down here. No sun, no moon, just the vibrant green grid that coated the sky that would twitch and surge with occasional frequency.  When I first got here, I fought hard to get back to the surface, to fight for any sense of normalcy, for home but after a while the dream began to fade. The options began to run dry when compared to the dangers that surrounded me. And so I settled. I survived. I searched for food, begged for shelter from kind Darkners. I did what I had to to live. The Queen was not an option. Whispers from Darkners told me how I was just what she was looking for, that would help her expand her reign to the Light World. As much as that would probably help me, I didn’t want to ruin the lives of others for the chance to see my family, as much as I missed them with every passing minute. The sound of bustling cars and the blinding lights of neon signs stung my senses, my palms pressing into my eyes to drown out what I could. Damn it this place never slept did it? There was always something, some sort of noise. Whatever bags I had under my eyes were probably made cartoonishly drastic with the lack of pure rest I was getting. ‘Supose it was better then being dead... My body felt heavy, and I knew I’d have to find a place to rest or I’d fall asleep mid crossing of a road and get run over by one of those goofy cars I’d seen. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad... I recalled the time one of the car’s rear bumped into a fire hydrant (or at least I thought it was) and made a squeaking sound. The darkness of a certain alley called to me, the silence a sweet lullaby to the roaring around me. Was it dangerous? Oh yeah. Was it stupid? No shit. Was I going to do it? The shadows the engulfed me were perfect and if it wasn’t for the underlying stench of garbage it’d probably be ideal. Still beggars couldn’t be choosers and if tonight was good enough I would have to consider having this as my permanent sleeping spot. My back slid against the cool wall across from the dumpster, eyes half lidded as they read the advertisements littering above. Why the hell did the Queen have ads anyway, if she wanted she could monopolize any products she wanted... Despite the quiet I couldn’t shake the feeling that creeped down my spine. The presence of something other then myself around me. I tried to close my eyes, I was in the city after all. It’d be concerning if I didn’t feel like people were one second from crawling up my ass. Though I had to admit I didn’t expect to actually feel something begin to touch me. My eyes snapped open, elbow prodding into a blurry shape that yelped and tumbled backward, it’s grasp my on shoulder tearing a hole in my already worn shirt in the struggle. “Hey! What the hell?!” I barked, standing over the perpetrator. My shoulders slumped when I saw what looked to be a doll staring up at me with wide eyes, an over exaggerated smile permanently spread across it’s face. The creature’s jaw opened wider with a clack, it’s small body shooting upwards to stand on it’s small pointed feet. “WOAH WOAH WOAHAH- [Live worms]!”   The darkner’s voice was deafeningly loud, a shrill tone that cut the air like newly sharpened blades. “ I THOUGHT YOU WERE [Roadkill]. NICE TO KNOW I WON’T BE [Sleeping with the fishes] T0NIGHT!!” Well he had a certain way of speaking that was obvious. What the hell was going on with him, he talked like he was constantly being cut of random clips of other people speaking. He talked like a youtube poop or any other shitpost that would randomly shove memes into them for a quick laugh. “You thought I was dead? I was just... I was... uh.” I looked around me, eyeing the dirt and debris. “I was... going to sleep... here.”  Dammit, telling people I had to sleep in such ratty places were always a blow to the ego but I suppose it was better then saying ‘Oh I was just sitting down here to die’ The puppet shook his head and waltzed over to the dumpster, his small hand smacking the side with a sense of pride. “ [Finders keepers, losers weepers] HUMAN, YOU PICKED A GOOD SPOT. TOO BAD [so sadd] I GOT HERE FIRST. THOUGH FOR A DEAL I SUPPOSE I COULD [Share the love~]” “Got here first... what are you talking about?” The Darkner let out a laugh, distorted echoes filling the air as he leapt inside, a solitary hand popping out to beg me to come closer. This was a terrible idea, but despite my best judgement I followed, and witnessed what I could only describe to be a makeshift bed inside.  The puppet laid on top of musty mats and raggedy rugs, a single stained pillow resting just beneath his head. My god was he living in here? The creature continued his laugh, lurching only a few inches away from my face. “ [Sweet deal] ISN’T IT? J3ALOUS, [baby]?”  I shirked back, cheeks reddening at the tone of his last word. I was most defiantly not jealous, in fact I was filled with remorse, something his pride did not help with. “It’s... uh something. I guess this means I’ll have to find another alleyway um, sorry for bothering you-” “SPAMTON.” “What?” His hand shot out towards my chest, fingers wiggling for a handshake. “SP-SPA MTON G SPAMTON, [Number 1 rated salesmen 1997]” He announced, an extra flair of bravado laced his titled. His hand was surprisingly warm for what it was made of but nothing that would be described as body temperature.  “Jenna. Also 1997.” “WHAT A YEAR. LISTEN LIGHT nER, I AM DEALSMAN [yes/no?]” “Um... y-yes? I don’t-” “THEN LET ME MAKE A DEAL YEAH? FOR ONLY [many] KROMER, YOU MAY STAY IN MY [Privately owned] ALLEY. IT’S A REAL [steal] YOU’RE ROBBING ME [deaf] HERE!” My brows furrowed as I searched his face for any context clues for what the hell he was trying to say. Kromer? What the fuck was ‘kromer’? The only thing I knew of currency down here was dark dollars not kromer... even if he did ask for dark dollars he didn’t name a price, he just said many. And the amount of dark dollars I had was zero. “Uh I don’t have kromer. I don’t even have dark dollars I’m kinda broke Spamton, in case you couldn’t tell from uh...” I trailed off realizing saying that sleeping in an alley wasn’t a very smart thing to say to someone who slept in an alley.  He seemed surprised by my words, beginning to tug on my coat, flipping my pockets to see if I was really lying. I had to push his mitts off me a couple of times, to which he eventually got the idea the way his hands began to rub at his extended jaw. “NO KROMER... WHAT CAN YOU DO?” “What do you mean?” He seemed to sense my change in tone, his grin beginning to wobble nervously “[Whoopsie daisy!] LET ME START AGAIN. DO YOU HAVE A [trade]? A [skill] TO [Exchange for goods and services]?” he croaked. I eyed the ground, rubbing the back of my neck. What the hell was I good at again? “I mean, I can draw, I suppose...” “ARTIST? WOW OWOW!” Spamton’s face lit up before digging in the dumpster, pulling out a few napkins and a ball point pen and shoving them into my hands. “WHAT A [trade] TELL YOU WHAT. YOU DRAW A [one-of-a-kind masterpiece] AND YOU CAN STAY THE NIGHT!” “You’ll let me stay... if I draw something for you on this napkin. Am I getting that right?” The doll nodded feverishly, basically hovering over my shoulder as I played with the pen. This was certainly the weirdest way to pay someone that I could imagine... well no but one that was in the realm of reality. I had to ask Spamton to give me some space a few time, the feeling of his breath on  my neck making me more then nervous as I drew. God he was like those kids in school that would ask for drawings but ten times worse with the amount of personal space he’d give you. Besides I needed something to draw and with nothing on the mind why not draw the most interesting thing in front of me. I held the finished doodle out to Spamton only to have it snatched out of my fingers so fast I swore we could have started a fire. “WOAH...” The puppet sank inside of the dumpster, his face softening  as for once in what seemed like forever the alley way grew silent. “THIS IS... ME?” “Yeah. Sorry I didn’t know what to draw, you kind of put me on the spot. Besides everyone likes drawings of themselves right?” I shrugged, being pulled away from my thoughts by an overdramatic sniffle. Was he... crying? Not quite, just damn well close. Spamton’s shoulders quaked as a warm smile returned to his cheeks, slipping the napkin into his pocket with glee. “SO GOOD... THANK YOU.” “It’s really nothing, honestly that was a pretty shitty drawing.” “WHAT? YOU’RE [&#!^]ING ME! THAT WAS [BIG SHOT]” He was screaming again, hands gesturing wildly about. “It wasn’t but thank you. I wish I was better to be honest. I’m not very happy with my art, not at all.” I turned away from his gaze, unsure of why I was overcome by a choking sensation building my throat.  Why the hell was I telling this stranger this sort of stuff anyway? I mean I could hazard a guess it was the fact that this was the longest conversation I had had with anyone since I had gotten down here but with how things were it could be some magic power the doll possessed to tell him my deepest darkest secrets. “YOU DON’T THINK THIS IS [Big?]” “No.” “WHY NOT?” “I don’t know. I just... I think it doesn’t look the way I want it to. Doesn’t look good to me, and I don’t know how to fix it. Which I guess is a little funny considering how long I’ve been drawing. Just keep... drawing and drawing and never improving, least not how I’d like. It’s just garbage to me.” Spamton’s face seemed to fall, his glasses fading to a dark inky black.  “YOU FEEL? NO GOOD AT WHAT YOU DO? YOUR [passion]?”  “Yeah.” A laugh ripped from his chest, his head lolling back with each chuckle. I felt my soul began to crack, a shame flooding my body with how hard he seemed to laugh. Did he find this funny? Humorous?  I felt tears prick my eyes as I snapped my head back to glare at him, his head glitching back to stare back at me. “YOU’RE JUST LIKE ME, JENNA. A [slime] A REAL [slime]!” With a quick motion the puppet jumped to the ground, his hand resting against my arm as he spoke.  “YOU’RE A REAL [BIG SHOT] YOU KNOW THAT? STAY AS LONG AS YOUR [Greasy little heart] DESIRES!” Well... that was unexpected. He’d really let me stay here as long as I want cause I was pathetic? Or did he just feel sorry for me? What was going on? And why was he calling me a slime... or us a slime?  “Oh... uh thanks? I didn’t think I was being  much of a big shot whatever that is but I apricate it. Really.” His head clacked with every little nod, leading me to a pile of cardboard boxes and patting them with the grace of a car salesman. “BEST [Seat in the house] ALL FOR YOU. [Night night forever]!” Spamton beamed, awkwardly swaying side to side before stumbling back to the dumpster a few inches away and crawling inside of it, much like a wild animal. I couldn’t help but laugh a little. This guy was weird. Kinda creepy but also kind of funny. I honestly couldn’t pinpoint a feeling on him but at least he didn’t want to hurt me just make weird ass deals and make me ‘big’. Did that mean famous? Was this guy so into my art he wanted to be some sort of manager? I rubbed my eyes and let out a yawn, the excitement of the day finally beginning to fade. God I forgot how tired I was, that little guy made me feel like I was gonna go into fight or flight.  “Hey Spamton?” “YES?” his voice echoed from inside the metal container. “...Thank you.”

[maribatshipper]

Miraculous Akumatised reader

Crescent high above

Evolving as you go

Raise what lies beneath

& let the darkness grow

Bend it to my will

Consume the sunlight's glow

Rise into the sky

& let the darkness grow

Let darkness grow."

Blackstone growls at her captives, her glowing light blue hair dancing in the wind, her black bodysuit with a glowing blue stone on her chest, pulsing with her emotions, a sword strapped to her back.

"I'm not Y/N anymore. I'm Blackstone. You can stop trying to convince me to take the high road, Adrien. We are not the same. You are weak! You are a doormat & an enabler. Me? I am the salvation. I won't fail like you did!"

She looks down to the black spikes she creates in anger, remembering her cousin causing pain to Marinette & herself.

"When Ladybug gets here-" Chloe yells.

Blackstone laughs, "She will thank me for exposing this liar of a cousin I have! She's ruining people's rep, like she did mine."

Alya's phone shakes in her hand as she livestreams everything. Blackstone then starts singing, tears pricking her glowing E/C eyes.

"There's no life after happily ever after

There's just pain & betrayal in the end

I could see it in her eyes, that all she does is lie

After all she's done, you think that she's your friend?"

She pulls out some duct-tape from the bag on the wall & places it on her three captives mouths & then starts sharpening her sword.

"But still at night, I think about the way she smiles

& miss her for a little while

Every thought is harder to excuse

& now I see, I've lost my faith, & lost my soul!

But now I have complete control

& realised I've nothing left to lose!

Nothing left to lose!"

She growls at her captives, "Lila never cared about me! About any of you! Why won't you see that?"

Alya listens to the akuma & feels regret for not double-checking her sources.

"The path I'm on is a path paved in black

I'm taking that road & I'm not looking back!

Each twist & each turn leads straight where I'm yearning to go!

Yes, it's true

My path is dark, but I see where it ends

My rivals will fall as my power ascends

Despise me, that's fine!

I'm taking what's mine even so!

Not like you!"

She turns to Chloe, growing more stones underneath her, making her rise into the air, & she walks across the air, stones appearing under her feet every step.

"You lost your nerve

You lost the game!

But you & I, we're not the same!

I'm not lost, my fate was mine to choose!

So I chose to lose my doubts & lose my chains

Lose each weakness that remains!

Now that I have nothing left to lose!"

She picks up a picture of Lila, & pulls out her sword to shred it. Her voice cracks as she shreds the picture.

"She dreams about a future

Not knowing all the pain it will briiiiiiiiiiing!

I'll shed no tears, for I am done with waiting!

I have no fear, & I swear that I will

Lose no tears & lose no sleep

What I want I'll take and keep!

You can't stop the turning of the screws!

She suddenly grabs her captives & throws them into a cage.

"You'll stay in that cage until this is done & Lila shows. & just in case you think of escaping." She glares.

She thrusts her hand out, causing more spikes to appear & for the cage to be fifty metres away from her tower made of the black spikes. She walks slowly to her throne.

"Now I have...

Nothing left...

To lose."

She sits down on he throne & growls, waiting for her lying cousin.

***

"You caused all this, Lila! Because of you, Adrien, Alya, & Chloe are in danger! Because of you, your cousin Y/N is akumatised!" Ladybug scolds Lila.

"Oh, please! She was a gullible fool like my mother. She believed everything I said until Marinette showed her the truth. It's her fault." Lila scoffs.

Ladybug yells, "SHE'S YOUR FAMILY! She trusted you! Marinette had nothing to do with it! You did. & YOU are going to fix it."

***

"What are you waiting for!? Find Ladybug & Cat Noir!!!"

Blackstone sighs, "Zip it, Hawkdaddy. Ladybug will come soon enough with Lila. She has no choice. Come with Lila, or I drop the civilians. You need patience. You'd think you'd know patience with how long it takes to sew an outfit."

The voice stops, seemingly shocked.

"Oh, you think I wouldn't figure it out? I'm not as dense as the rest of Paris. But I might forget later."

Suddenly, Blackstone hears a yoyo zipping in. She turns around to see Ladybug & Lila in her tower.

"About time. But, just to make sure..."

She wraps the stones around Lila & squeezes slightly, causing Lila to start crying crocodile tears.

"Good. She's real. Unlike those tears."

She then wraps Ladybug in the stones as well.

"Don't worry, Ladybug, I won't hurt you. After all, you were the one to try to help me."

She turns to Lila & sings, again.

"This has to stop now

This thing where you think that you've been my friend

& don't even hear how you condescend

Just like you've always done!

No, this has to stop now

Ignoring the things that I have to say

You leave me behind to just sit & wait

The way you've always done!"

Ladybug stares in shock. She's treated her own cousin like this for years?

"Lila, listen!

I've wasted my whole life

I'm taking back what's mine now

It's what I feel is right.

Lila listen

I know it's not too late

But you hold me back & keep me there

When I want to go, you're telling me to wait.

Well... I won't wait!"

Blackstone lifts into the air with stones & snarls at Lila, giving Ladybug regretful looks.

"There's a line between the winners & the losers

There's a line between the chosen & the rest

& I've done the best I could

But I've always known just where we stood!

Me here with the luckless

You there with the blessed!

& that line between the beggars & the choosers

Is a line you've never let me quite ignore!

How I've tried to jump that great divide!

But I never got the chances you were given!"

Her voice starts to crack & tears swell in her eyes as she glares at Lila. As far as Blackstone's concerned, Lila deserves every bit of pain she'll be given.

"You don't know how much I've been denied!

Well, I'm not being patient anymore!

I'm crossing the line!

& I'm done holding back!

So look out, clear the track

It's my turn!

I'm taking what's mine!

Every drop every smidge!

If I'm burning a bridge

Let it burn!

But I'm crossing the line!"

She holds her sword to Lila's neck, tears flowing freely as she sings.

"As for us, if we're over

That fine!"

Ladybug yells, "Wait!"

"I'm crossing the line."

She goes to stab Lila when Ladybug's yoyo wraps around the sword & pulls it away. She tries to break it, but she can't.

"Did you really think it'd be that easy to break my sword? It's made out of the same stuff my rocks are made of." Blackstone laughs.

"Lucky Charm!" Ladybug throws her yoyo into the air.

A hat falls down into her hands.

"Seriously? A hat? Please tell me how you are going to defeat me with a hat?" Blackstone frowns, unamused.

Ladybug's eyes widen.

"Of course!"

She quickly removes Lila from the rocks & flies out of the tower.

"By retreating? That's how you defeat me? Meh, She'll be back."

***

After an hour, Ladybug comes back, without Lila, & without the hat.

"So... I guess you did do something right. Why didn't you tell anyone, Ladybug? Why didn't you expose her lies? She was ruining your reputation, she was ruining Jagged's rep, Clara's, & literally anyone else she spoke about. Why did you let her lie? Did she threaten you? Or was it someone else?"

Ladybug glares, "Let them go."

Blackstone sighs, & brings her captives back inside.

"You know, I just wanted to take vengeance on my stupid cousin, & repay my debt to Marinette. But there is one thing I have to do first." Blackstone frowns.

She then grabs Adrien & pulls him out of the cage.

"This is actually your fault. I partly blame your father for letting you be so stupid! & you're about to pay for not defending Marinette!"

She drags him to the window of the tower, all the girls screaming to let him go.

"You want me to let him go? Alright!" She smirks.

She drops him out the window. Everyone screams, but then, nothing. Blackstone looks out the window to see him in the hands of a new heroine. Her smirk gets slightly bigger as she watches the new Bee themed heroine getting Adrien to safety.

"So... Who's next? How about the Ladyblogger who needs to learn to fact-check? Or maybe the Mayor's daughter who thinks her father will do everything she wants? Who's going for a ride through the air, nothing keeping them safe until they land?"

***

"Get to safety, Agreste." The heroine frowns.

"Who are you?" He asks.

The heroine replies, "Honeybee."

She jumps back towards the tower, with her raven hair with yellow highlights flowing in the wind.

"I'm coming, Ladybug."

***

"Stop your crying! It's annoying! He's alive you fools!" Blackstone yells, when-

"VENOM!"

Blackstone freezes in place. Suddenly, Cat Noir shows up and destroys the sword. Ladybug casts the cure & Blackstone turns back to Y/N. Y/N hugs her legs, knowing just what she did.

A/N So, does anyone want a part two? If so, tell me.

[adorethedistance]

Chapter 2: Jailbirds - JJ Maybank x Reader

Photo cred: me. I did this one. It took forever, pls validate me

Warnings: swearing, abuse implied, mentions of injuries

Words: 2070

Previously in part 1: JJ has been acting kind of weird lately. First he was spacey during the entire lunch period yesterday, then he lies to both you and Kie about god knows what, and despite JJ’s strange behavior, Spiderman is telling you to shoot your shot?

The soul-diminishing rhythm embedded in every cellphone’s default ringtone is a cruel reminder that you’ve gotta face the day regardless of whatever happened the night before.

The night before.

I can’t believe I met Spiderman. I’m not entirely convinced that I wasn’t dreaming. And he used my phone! Talking to him once gives me, like, a one in a gazillion chance of that ever happening again, right? Is that how probability works? I mean I could’ve asked to interview him for the film but I didn’t, dammit Y/n.

My string of frustration pulls me into the bathroom to begin my morning routine. Some cool  tiles beneath my feet, and a howling air vent above my head work in tandem to reinstate the loneliness of living here when mom works doubles or even triples to keep us alive. On the bright side of things I now have a cool story to tell the pogues. It’d be a cooler story if I actually had hard evidence, but beggars can’t be choosers. But losers can be losers.

My own personal cloud of mint toothpaste and hair product fumes attack my sinuses as I dejectedly look into the mirror. Dark circles. Excess skin. Acne. I miss being a kid, and the days where life’s greatest stressors were spelling tests and being the line leader, not how others might perceive my appearance or the existential dread of college decisions. Life was simple. Of course, I didn’t have the same friends back then. The Pogues make high school worth enduring with their deep fried memes and late night diner dates. I wouldn’t trade their friendship for anything, much less getting rid of my own insecurities.

The staccato vibrations of my phone pull me from my thoughts, grounding me back in the cold studio apartment.

MESSAGES:

Pope Francis: Attachment: 1 Image

Johnathan Beatrice: Is that just a straight up clementine on its own subway seat

Pope Francis: Yessir

KieKie Palmer: 👁👄👁

Y/n/n: Did you put it there and if so when is your gallery opening at the Met?

Pope Francis: Nah he was already here when I got on

KieKie Palmer laughed at “Did you put it there and if so when is your gallery opening at the Met?”

Johnathan Beatrice laughed at “Did you put it there and if so when is your gallery opening at the Met?”

Y/n/n: SIGH

Y/n/n: If only someone didn’t have a Samsung. this could be a fully functioning group chat 😪

JJ: dude shut the fuck up ur literly my left foot

Y/n/n: Sorry, I don’t speak broke

Pope Francis: Attachment: 1 Image

Pope Francis: NOOOOO MY ORANGE FRIEND ROLLED TO THE BACK OF THE CAR

KieKie Palmer: Y’all are ridiculous

Y/n/n: Speaking of ridiculous get to school asap I have a story I wanna tell you guys in person

___________________________

“I’m not kidding! He was deadass fighting this dude who I guess was trying to mug him- which is funny because it doesn’t really seem like Spiderman carries anything with him when he fights,” I gush, telling the pogues all about my run in with the arachnid vigilante.

“So you just ran into him while he was fighting a criminal?” John B asks whilst tucking his hands into the pockets of his denim jacket.

“Who’s fighting criminals?” I turn to see JJ as he approaches our circle from behind me. He slings both of his arms around the top of my shoulders, crushing my backpack, with his eyebrows scrunched in confusion. He looks exhausted. The bags under his eyes make his sleepless night apparent, and his usually styled blonde hair is the most disheveled and greasy I’ve ever seen. He definitely looks rougher than normal, but it’s not the worst I’ve seen.

“Bro you look like a hedgehog,” Sarah’s observation makes me laugh. Under her comment I interlace our fingers and delicately pull up his jacket sleeve. JJ doesn’t think twice and reads the gesture as a form of affection. I’m really checking for bruises.

“I ran into Spiderman last night on my way home from Ozzy’s,” I reply to his prior question.

“You went to Ozzy’s last night?”

“Yeah, I figured I’d work there since you texted me saying you were stuck on the subway,” JJ keeps his arms around my shoulders which allows me to feel him physically tense up.

“You were stuck on the subway? For how long?” John B asks, “I feel like that’s something we would’ve heard about.”

“Which train was it, JJ?” Pope asks, pulling out his phone and loading a google search.

“Doesn’t matter. I’m fine now, so you guys don’t need to worry about what train broke down.”

“Which train broke down,” I corrected.

“Nothing turns me on more than correct grammar,” he fake moans. Even sleep deprived JJ is sharp as a tack; that’s one of the things I love most about him.

“She wouldn’t need to correct you if you had just signed up for AP with us,” Kie jumps in in my defense.

“Whatever. Mr. Hedley is a god, we played bingo yesterday while you nerds had to write essays so suck on that.”

“Some of us need to write essays for college credit,” adds Sarah as she takes a sip of her ice coffee.

“You got iced coffee, in Queens, in November?” I ask shivering under my denim jacket that shells over my school sweatshirt.

“Can I have some?” I look at JJ in disbelief. Sarah hands over her iced coffee to place it in his bare hand. “Where are your rings?” I interrogate the madman, inspecting his now un-accessorized fingers.

“I guess I forgot to put them back on after showering,” he shrugs at me from behind the carmel, doubleshot blonde americano. JJ lifts the drink to his lips, and chugs a good two-thirds of the cup. He then wipes his mouth with the back of his free, left hand and extends his right, back to Sarah.

“I’m too shocked to be mad, how the fuck did you chug all of my drink?”

“You’re insane” Pope laughs.

__________________________

First, second, and third period passed by faster than I realized, as I walk to my locker before fourth. I don’t need anything inside so I pull out my phone to check the time, and lean my shoulder against the metal complex as I wait for JJ. 6 minutes left in the passing period.

“Hey.” My head snaps up to see JJ leaning against the locker next to mine, mirroring my stance and posture identically. The only differences being he has to lean down to be eye level with me, and the infamous JJ smirk is plastered across his face.

“Hi,” I smile. He nods away from the lockers and pushes off with his shoulder. Falling into step with one another, we make our way to physics. I’m 90% sure he only took honors in hopes of having another class together. It worked.

“What happened during your spider-man encounter last night?” He asks, playfully veering into my side to throw me off balance. Laughing, I shove him back harder but he barely even moves. Since when did he get so strong?

“I was walking home after ordering dinner for mom-’cause she was working late again-and he was just there, in an alleyway, fighting this dude who had a switchblade. Then he, like, webbed the guy to the wall and on his way to find a payphone we ran into each other-literally he bodied me because I was too surprised to move-and he wasn’t looking where he was going... And then, he asked to use my phone to get the guy picked up, and he commented on my lockscreen…” I trail off sheepishly. JJ’s smirk is gone but he’s still nodding and intently listening.

“What- uhm, what did he say about the lockscreen?” he asks nonchalantly.

“It’s still the picture of us at the beach, and he asked if we were... more than friends- and I told him no but he didn’t seem very convinced.”

“Did he say anything else?” JJ pushes as he tucks his hands into his jacket pockets.

“Uh, not really. He just said that we looked cute- or happy I guess.”

“Did he tell you to do anything?” he’s staring at the floor when he asks, seemingly avoiding eye contact. His questions are odd, like he’s trying to get a specific answer out of me. Like he knows what Spiderman told me last night.

“No, he did not… why do you ask?”

“No reason,” JJ shrugs quickly, “no reason at all.”

“You know, repeating yourself isn’t very convincing,” I tease before he finally looks at me. JJ opens his mouth to reply but is quickly cut off by Mr. Osborn.

“If you both could sit down quickly, we have a lot to get through today,” he snaps, already sounding frustrated.

“Yes sir,” JJ stands at attention and salutes Mr. Osborn mockingly. His joke is not received politely but he doesn’t seem to care. We both enter the room and find our seats on the left of the classroom. Mr. Osborn pretends his seating charts are computer generated and random, but it’s obvious he pairs the smart kids with the ‘trouble students’, which is how I ended up with JJ.

The bell rings over the soft chatter of the room, and Mr. Osborn steps in front of the promethean board. He begins his dull lecture before I can open to my last page of notes and I scramble to keep up. Fuck this class, and fuck Mr. Osborn.

“Mr. Maybank you should be taking notes,” my head snaps up to see Mr. Osborn staring right at our desk. He makes brief, irritated eye contact with me before looking back to JJ. JJ’s slouching against the back of his plastic blue seat, toying with my eraser that I didn’t notice he had grabbed. Klepto-stealth 100.

JJ lets out a long and uninterested sigh. Then he rolls his head sideways to look at me.

“Do you have paper?” I let out a small laugh at his lack of preparedness, and JJ’s uninterested expression disappears as he smiles back. Flipping to the back of my notebook, I tear out a page for him to use. Setting the sheet on the table, I move it in front of him because he’s busy fishing for a pencil in his backpack. Mr. Osborn resumes his lecture about centripetal force and JJ finally locates a cheap, lime green mechanical pencil he no doubt stole from another classroom. I go back to note taking but I’m distracted by a small noise coming from next to me. JJ is rapidly clicking the pencil to no avail as the pencil is empty.

“Do you have lead?” he whispers. Mr. Osborn whips around,

“Are you talking while I’m giving my lecture? I will not tolerate your interruptions any longer, JJ. You will be spending after school, with me, in this room, to make up for the lost time,” he snaps aggressively as he heads to his desk to write a detention slip.

“He wasn’t talking, he was just asking for-”

“You can join him, Ms. Y/l/n.” Are you fucking kidding me? Why is Mr. Osborn such a dick?! My anger and frustration warp into one emotion, and the overwhelming sensation shortens my breathing. Tears well up in my eyes as I sit, silenced by my own rage. Mr. Osborn quickly walks to our desk and places the slips in front of us, before huffing back to the whiteboard to finish his lecture. I’m too stunned to continue to take notes, and my mini panic attack numbs me into nothingness. JJ is unphased by all kinds of punishment, but I’m not. I’m not the troubled student, ever. What if this goes on my permanent record? Will admission officers think I’m a bad student? JJ can sense my erratic thinking and sets down his green pencil. He puts one arm around the back of my chair and uses the other to grab my head and pull it under his. After a moment, he squeezes the side of my face into his chest and places a small kiss on top of my head. His touch is gone as quickly as it came, but it had grounded me once again.

Why is Mr. Osborn such a dick?!

__________________________

Read the next part HERE.

Author’s note: I’m sorry this took so long! I really just wrote the first chapter without having any clear sense of direction or plot huh? I prewrote this one and I’m prewriting the next few so don’t worry about that ever happening again. I didn’t stay true to my word on not writing at 3 AM but it’s totally fine. This one is more crafted and proofread than the other by a lot and you're probably able to tell. Anyway. Always let me know what you think and just know that there IS more to come!

PS you can find all of the parts in the ‘YFNS fic’ tag bc I’m ass at making masterlists. AND if anyone wants it, I may make a playlist for this series...

Taglist (strikeout means I can’t tag you): @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @swervavery​ @merismind​ @danicarosaline​ @o-b-x​ @beautyandthebleh​ @harrysbaby​ @sexualparkour​ @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar​ @sovuckie​ @obxmxybxnk​ @wh0reforharry

[wisteria-lodge]

lion or badger primary + lightly burned lion secondary (& intense badger model)

Hello there! I've been diving into the Sorting Hat Chats system lately, which has led me to your blog. I love reading how you type characters (Umbrella Academy and Anakin and Obi Wan were some of my favorites, with Scooby Doo getting an honorable mention), and I saw that you had been helping some people figure out their own sorting. I was hoping you might do the same for me, if you have the time/mental energy? 

I'm pretty confident in my secondary. I'm not charge-y like a Lion (but I can be bossy and relentlessly pursue my goal once I've decided on something). 

I dunno friend, that sounds kinda liony to me. “Charging” is a misleading term.

I do take time to analyze and organize things, so I guess that could be a point in favor of a Bird secondary? 

Or a Bird secondary model. 

And I'm not the adaptive Snake, I'm pretty much myself around everyone (unless previously burned by a person, then I'll retreat into myself and keep my distance). 

That’s REALLY lion. 

The reason I think I'm a Badger secondary is because my first instinct is to help. If I walk into the kitchen and see dishes in the sink, I do them. If someone at the store drops an item, I pick it up. I save the comfy chairs at the cinema for my friends because they're always late. That's how I make friends, really! Consistent acts of service, volunteering to help. Some on the outside looking in say that I'm smart, or that school is so easy for me, but they don't see all the work I do. Anyway, that was a long way of saying that the hardworking, community building Badger definitely suits me.

Interesting. Because yeah, that does sound very Badger. You’re either a Lion or a Badger secondary, and whichever one you don’t have you model. My guess is that you are probably a Lion who models Badger, just because I honestly cannot picture a Badger secondary saying “I'm pretty much myself around everyone (unless previously burned by a person, then I'll retreat into myself and keep my distance).” That is so distinctively Lion.

Now I'll dig into the primary, which is where I get stuck. The Sorting Hat Chats quiz usually narrows the choice down to Lion or Badger. I think that my morality is too "felt" to be a Bird, but it encompasses too many people to be a Snake.

Just a reminder that Snakes with huge inner circles absolutely exist.

Which, as previously stated, leaves me with Lion and Badger. For Lion... I like the idea of it. I always wanted to be a Lion (they were the main characters in the books, after all), but I don't feel brave enough.

Ugh, “brave” is such a nebulous concept. Annoying.

When the quiz asks me to choose between my family and the world, I choose the world, because my family is part of the world. And other people's families, just as important as mine, are part of the world too. So, I could be a Lion? Maybe I just don't have a cause yet.  

That’s either Badger or Paragon Lion (which looks super Badger a lot of the time.) 

There have been a few real life scenarios where I've had to choose between the community I'm part of and the right thing. When I was in public school, I ended up losing my entire friend group because I stood up to the girl who was gossiping and backstabbing people. In an experience much closer to home, I've lost an entire side of my family because I learned a secret. And once I learned it, I couldn't go back. I couldn't look at that family member the same way again, couldn't be silent. I couldn't keep my head down. So when they asked me to choose-- my reality, or theirs-- I chose mine. I chose the truth. I wouldn't go back and change it, but it still hurts. These situations and choices all feel kind of Lion, don't they? 

They sure do. Very publish-and-be-dammed. Actually it’s so Lion that I’m counting it as another point for a Lion secondary. 

But I only make decisions, walk away, etc. when I'm extremely pressed. Most of the time, I'm too indecisive

This could be evidence of a little bit of secondary burning. And if you have an extremely strong Badger secondary model (as I suspect you do) I would actually be surprised if you didn’t build it to augment a slightly charred secondary.

 or the issue isn't important enough to say anything. 

Ah. The Morally Bored Lion. Also known as the Chill Lion. Totally a thing. Some Lions get an intense gut response about pretty much everything they go up against, and some just... don’t.

Moving to Badger now (I apologize for how long this is). 

An apology. But a small one, quite a long ways down. A burned secondary, but you know. Just a little bit burned.  

I kind of like the idea of being all soft and sweet and dreamy, though I'm aware that this is definitely a Badger stereotype. 

Yep. Badgers are scary. 

I think that it's important to contribute to my community and volunteer to do service, give donations, clean up litter, etc. Sorting Hat Chats says that Badgers tie their self worth up in their communities, which might be true for me. I do hang some of my worth on being a good friend, so the fact that my friendships are limited right now due to circumstance does make me feel like a failure/loser a lot of the time. I wouldn't say that I'm loyal to tradition, however. Badgers prioritize the people who need them most, right? And I like helping people, I feel guilty when I don't have money to give beggars on street corners. 

This all Badger secondary stuff, and we know that you have one hell of a Badger secondary [model]

My goal in life is to help people and bring peace, which seems Badger? 

Or Paragon Lion.

Again, I'm sorry for how long this is, and if you're not in the headspace to answer it, I totally understand. Any insight you can give would be fantastic, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Happy New Year, wish you the best :)