#{ : genuinely is meant as a birthday gift since i saw the post but like }

[burnt-cookii]

hurrggg a little thingy for @snowleopardcrk

[crosshairlovebot]

birthday revelations / crosshair x gn!reader

pairing: crosshair x gn!reader (no y/n). reader has a nickname.

description: crosshair discovers it's your birthday, and in an effort to try and understand birthdays, he gets you a gift.

word count: 3,793

warnings: none. crosshair ovethinks a lot

Another request! Maybe not technically a request, but @starrylothcat sent in an ask for an ask prompt and said it would be nice to see me write a fic where crosshair buys a gift for the reader for their birthday or christmas and it's been stuck in my head since! so here you go! i hope i did it justice!

also posted this on ao3. feedback is welcomed, reblogs are appreciated <3

Crosshair didn’t like crowds. He gritted his teeth as he walked alone through the market on Sorgan, sidestepping people as they entered his path. It was noisy, but that didn’t bother him so much. Vendors called out to passersby, promoting their various goods for purchase with enthusiasm. Voices chattered and laughed. The smell of food wafted through Crosshair’s nose and his stomach tightened with hunger. Rations were poor choices compared to the sizzling of flavourful meat on grills, but he didn’t have enough credits to buy himself something to eat.

He only had enough to buy something for you.

He had been helping Tech with cataloguing files when he saw one on their nat-born medic. You had joined Clone Force 99 just over half a standard cycle ago with your plucky yet kind attitude, falling into the group dynamic easier than Crosshair had thought. Sure, it had taken some adjustment for him and his brothers to become used to another presence they had not grown up with, but it was inevitable you would eventually find your place in the team. You were hardworking, strong and compassionate. You paid attention to each of his brothers, giving them your undivided focus during conversation and indulging them in questions about what they were doing or their chosen skill. He had watched you talk with Tech about data decryption, Wrecker about proton-based explosives, Hunter about tracking strategies, Echo about ARC trooper training, and of course, him about sharpshooting.

He recalled the way you sat next to him for the first time on his bunk during their time in Hyperspace. He had disassembled part of his Firepuncher rifle, readjusting the scope and the barrel after it had unexpectedly jammed on their previous mission. He’d been annoyed – his prized weapon never faltered, and he was trying to figure out why it had failed on him when the thin mattress dipped next to him, and you asked what he was doing. When he’d given a particularly surly response, you nodded and then just continued to watch him. His eyes had slid to you.

“Can I help you with anything else?” He hadn’t meant it to sound so icy, but he had been frustrated with this rifle, with himself.

“Can you…explain what you’re doing?” you had asked hopefully.

He had looked at you sceptically. “Why?”

You just shrugged. “It looks interesting.”

He had studied your expression, trying to discern if you were being genuine. But you were. You always were with things like this.

So, he explained what he was doing, answered your questions and by the time his weapon was fixed, he didn’t even really remember his initial annoyance. You had smiled at him, your mouth stretching in a way that made your eyes light up. He felt a little flicker of something in his stomach before it was promptly extinguished.

Since then, you have spent time with him like that more often. Not just when he was cleaning his rifle, but other things. Like throwing Lula back and forth across the bunks as you both talked, joking about things that happened on missions. Sharing looks over briefings. Stealing Wrecker’s snacks.

But his favourite time with you was drawing on your datapad and trying to guess what the other was drawing. He had learnt you liked to draw and enjoyed drawing out something other than a medical diagram. He felt a sense of pride in making you laugh so hard you cried with his silly caricatures during long hyperspace trips. Exaggerated doodles of his brothers, tookas and the like, a portrait of you with a funny expression. You liked to draw him with a smile too big for his face, chuckling as you drew and then collapsing into laughter when you showed him. It always made the thing in his stomach flicker.

He really liked having you around.

So, when he came across your file when helping Tech, he couldn’t help but open it. You had told them all any information they had asked for, and information they had not. There wasn’t really anything you kept secret. But when he saw your ID holo looking particularly embarrassing: with wide eyes and a half-formed expression – like you were taken off guard by the photo, the corner of his mouth twisted up in an impish smirk.

He had intended to tease you about it; set the holo to the show on every Marauder screen so it was everywhere.

He opened the file to take a copy of the holo when he spotted details about your age and date of birth.

He frowned at the date. “Tech, what is today’s galactic date?”

Tech looked up from his datapad, adjusting his goggles before rattling off the date. “Why?”

He said your name before telling him, “It’s their birthday tomorrow.”

“Oh.” Tech blinked.

Age and birthdays were almost foreign concepts to clones. With accelerated aging and growing in a capsule, they didn’t really matter to them. Awkward to calculate, they weren’t celebrated. Crosshair had no idea when he had been ‘birthed’ or decanted, and if the Kaminoans documented such dates, then it was classified information. He knew his chronological age, but his biological age was a little murky. He knew he was a “mature clone”, however with the accelerated aging, he didn’t know where exactly he stood. None of their brothers knew any of these details. It was normal for them.

He read the date and your age. What would it be like to be so sure of something like that? To be sure of the parts that made up who you were?

Crosshair cleared his throat and closed the file without even copying the ID holo. He frowned to himself. Maybe he should’ve asked you about it before, but birthdays weren’t a part of his world, so he hadn’t thought to. But they were important to nat-borns, weren’t they? At least that’s what they’d all been told during their training modules.

When he lay in his bunk that night, he circled his mind for all he knew about birthday traditions. Gatherings. Food. Gifts. Would you like all that? Did you like all that? You seemed like you would. He didn’t know if it was something he would enjoy if he had a birthday…it didn’t really seem like his thing, but maybe he would. He would never know. He thought that Wrecker might be the only one who would enjoy a birthday. Maybe Echo too if you did it right. Same with Hunter.

But you hadn’t said anything about your birthday.

He had tossed and turned. You were part of their squad. You cared. Listened. Laughed. Did you not feel you could share the date with them? He didn’t know, and a part of him felt a little hurt that you might not feel you could. Were you not friends? Crosshair didn’t have many friends, but he knew they were supposed to tell each other things.

He turned again, crossing his arms against his chest as he faced the wall. Why did he even care? If you didn’t want to tell him it was your birthday, fine. He wouldn’t mention it.

He squeezed his eyes shut before sitting up on his elbows and craned his head to see you sleeping in your bunk. Through the darkness, his enhanced eyes saw you curled in yourself, and your nose twitched as you breathed deep and evenly. Something in his chest pinched. He sighed before laying back down and pulling the thin blanket over his head.

Now, as he found himself in this market the next day, he wondered what he was even doing here.

Once they had landed on Sorgan, they completed their mission easily with no complications. But Crosshair was still distracted by your birthday. You hadn’t even said anything when everyone woke up this morning. Just acted like it was any other day. You had just smiled at him as you tucked into a ration bar, saying good morning before throwing one to him to eat.

It puzzled him.

When you all started walking back to the Marauder after the mission, Hunter could tell something was up with him, nudging his shoulder.

“You alright?”

Crosshair had scowled at his brother. “…Yes.”

“You look deep in thought,” Hunter pointed out, falling into step with him.

Crosshair broke his gaze and looked away, back towards where they came, to the village they had just liberated. The thought had barely formed before he said, “Do we have time before the next mission?”

Hunter’s surprise showed in his voice. “We have a couple of hours, why?”

“I’ll be back later,” Crosshair walked off in the direction of the village before Hunter could say anything. His long legs carried him to the marketplace, where he stood now amongst the bustling bodies.

He just couldn’t get your birthday out of his stupid head; that you hadn’t said anything because clones didn’t celebrate birthdays. Just because he didn’t understand them, doesn’t mean he couldn’t try…for you.

He started combing through the vendors, most of which were finishing up resetting their stands after they fled suddenly several days prior. He moved from stall to stall, gazing at the different items over people's heads. Kriff, what were you even supposed to buy people for birthdays? Something they needed? Something they wanted? It was all a little overwhelming. And Crosshair didn’t get overwhelmed.

“Looking for something in particular, my friend?”

Crosshair startled and looked up to see the vendor, a greying man with a wrinkled face, horns protruding from his forehead and curled up in an elegant spiral shape.

Crosshair frowned, clearing his throat. “It’s…my friend's birthday today.”

The man’s face lit up. “Wonderful! Birthdays are special.”

Crosshair’s mouth tightened as the man continued to speak. “What were you thinking of gifting them?”

The hairs on Crosshair’s neck stood up with nerves. “I…I don’t know.”

The man’s face lit up. “Perhaps I can help.”

The man then went through the different items at his stand. He held up scarves, strings of beads, and handmade pottery. Crosshair thought they were all nice enough, but he wasn’t swimming in credits. And none of the items really felt like you. The vendor was patient, more patient than he should’ve been. Either he really wanted to help or was desperate for a sale in a competitive marketplace.

After many minutes and many items, Crosshair felt himself gradually stiffening, becoming more and more on edge and uncomfortable. He felt so out of his depth. He was always so sure of everything, and trying to do this thing he had no experience in, made him more vulnerable than he had in a long time. It was not a feeling he felt comfortable with. Never had been.

And as much as he liked you, maybe this was all a stupid idea. You hadn’t mentioned your birthday for a reason. He shouldn’t bring it up. If he did, he’d have to explain how he found out…and he didn’t want to go through that awkwardness. He was about to open his mouth and tell the over-enthusiastic vendor: thank you, but he wouldn’t bother with a gift, when the vendor clapped his hands loudly, making Crosshair jump.

“I may have something back here, hold on,” he said as he turned away to rifle noisily through a crate behind him.

Crosshair felt his fist curl at his sides, and this should’ve been his opening to slide away unnoticed until he looked down and saw a brown leather book. Crosshair halted and lifted a gloved hand to the soft worn cover, running his fingers over the engravings in the bound leather. He opened the cover, seeing it was a blank notebook, and it had a writing implement tucked into the spine. Not many people recorded things the traditional way anymore; datapads were much more efficient and stored more information than the pages of a notebook. He flicked through the pages, fanning them with his thumb. The dust drifted up and it was a smell he didn’t recognise, but he supposed it was the smell of paper.

“That’s a good choice.”

Crosshair retracted his hand as if he was a cadet being scolded, and looked up at the vendor, who held an oversized pot that would break the second it came aboard the Marauder.

“That would be a perfect gift,” the vendor continued, nodding at the notebook.

Crosshair looked at him before picking up the notebook – more surely this time, and turned it over in his hands. He imagined you in your bunk, scribbling in it at night with a torch in one hand. He imagined you keeping it under your pillow for safekeeping. He imagined you doodling in it, showing him your drawings with that smile on your face. He imagined drawing in it with you. The corner of his mouth twitched upward.

“How much?” Crosshair asked.

“It’s yours.”

Crosshair’s head snapped towards the vendor. “What?”

The vendor waved him away. “Take it.”

Crosshair blinked, confused. “…I have to pay you.”

“No, you don’t. I’ve been trying to sell that for years. You’d be doing me a favour.”

Crosshair furrowed his brow. “…Isn’t the customer supposed to be right?”

The vendor barked out a laugh. “Not this time, my friend.”

Crosshair dug into his pocket anyway and pulled out half the credits. “For your patience…at least.”

The vendor chuckled and took them. “Thank you. I hope your friend likes it.”

Crosshair didn’t respond as the man turned away, placing the pot down before calling out to other marketgoers, trying to entice them.

Crosshair walked back through the market, the notebook feeling heavy in his hand. Leaving the village, he made his way back to the Marauder, thoughts swimming in his head.

Kriff, what if you hated it? Or thought it was stupid? What if all his knowledge on birthdays was completely inaccurate and you would think him strange for giving you something? Or what if you just thought he was weird for getting you something at all?

Crosshair’s grip on the notebook tightened. He just wanted to do something nice. Like you always did for them. But this is why he avoided it. It was so vulnerable being nice. Being nice left you open for hurt, open for aching. It was much easier to keep it at bay, to restrict it. To hide it behind actions inconspicuously where it wasn’t out in the open. Being so open with it for you…he wouldn’t admit it out loud, but it scared him. The doubt crept in. Crosshair had conviction and confidence, and he wasn’t used to it wavering like this.

He was just about ready to throw the notebook into a bush and never speak of it again when he heard your voice ring out from the steps of the Marauder.

“Crosshair!”

You placed your datapad down and ran over to him. He hid the notebook behind his back with both hands, gripping it so hard he knew his knuckles would be white as you approached him with a smile.

“Hey,” he said, hoping he sounded normal.

“Where’d you go? You disappeared after the mission.”

“I was just…looking for something,” he said carefully. Dank farrik, how was he supposed to do this? He thought he might just leave it on your bunk when you were distracted with a little note written inside the cover saying, ‘Happy Birthday’. That way he could avoid your reaction when you saw it. He didn’t even know how to get into the Marauder with it now that you were here in front of him.

You tilted your head with a quizzical smile. “Looking for something?”

Crosshair nodded. “I couldn’t find it,” he lied.

“Oh…okay,” you looked at him weirdly. Would you look at him like that when you saw his gift?

Crosshair nodded to the Marauder, desperate to get on board and stow the notebook away until he could leave it on your bunk. “Should we go inside?”

You looked at him, narrowing your eyes. “What are you hiding?”

“I’m not hiding anything, meshurok,” he lied, his grip tightening again.

“Yes, you are,” you sidestepped him to look behind him and he leapt out of the way. You grinned. “You are! What are you hiding, Cross? Why can’t I see?” you tried to chase him around, but Crosshair kept angling himself away. Kriff, he had never felt so stupid in his whole life.

“It’s nothing. Get your meddling hands away from me, you di’kut,” he walked backwards in a circle, his face and neck hot.

“Crosshair,” you chided, smiling at him. “Come on, is it really that bad?”

“Go away,” he grumbled, hands aching from holding the damned notebook so tight.

“Crosshair,” you said his name again, and your face was stretched in that playful grin that he’d unwillingly memorised. That thing in his stomach flickered again.

Then he remembered how you didn’t tell him about your birthday. And how you were friends, but you didn’t say anything about it. And how he had this unexplainable feeling he couldn’t name sitting in his stomach that compelled him to go to a village market and pick out a stupid gift for a birthday tradition he didn’t even understand just to do something nice for you the way you did for him and his brothers.

Crosshair’s expression flared and he shoved the notebook at your chest. You startled at your hand came up to grab it, sliding against his like a searing snake. He pulled his hand back and balled both at his sides as he gritted out, “Happy birthday.”

All he saw was your eyes were wide before he stalked off, almost stomping his way to the Marauder. His face burned, and embarrassment flooded his body. He felt so stupid, and he hated feeling stupid. He hated the feeling of being on the end of someone’s judgement. He hated knowing that he’d just been forced to make himself vulnerable. But mostly, he hated the feeling of you not trusting him with what was supposed to be the important parts of you.

“Crosshair!”

Your voice came from behind him, but he didn’t turn around. He was already planning different ways he could avoid you. He was going to lock himself in the ‘fresher until the next mission and make sure Hunter placed him on watch at opposite times to you. Whatever it took. His heart panged. You were one of the only people outside his brothers he liked. He would mourn the shared jokes and laughter, and time spent with you, knowing it couldn’t happen anymore.

“Crosshair, wait.”

He felt a hand on his arm pull him back. He swayed backwards, but he let you stop him. He avoided your gaze, scowl burning an outline in his brow as he stared off into the middle distance. Your hand stayed on his arm, and he felt it through the plastoid wrapped around his forearm, squeezing him there. It felt like part of him, and that made him feel both warm with content and spiked with anger simultaneously.

“Cross, please look at me,” your voice said quietly, and his heart squeezed. He slowly moved his gaze, looking down, then sliding his eyes to your bare hand on his arm before they lifted to your face. Your brows were slanted downwards, looking at him with such softness in your eyes he felt the flickering in his chest again.

“How did you…” your voice was soft and trailed off, notebook in your other hand.

“It doesn’t matter,” he dismissed with gritted words.

He felt your hand flex with your grip. “It does to me.”

He studied your face carefully before saying, “…I was helping Tech with cataloguing his files. I saw your birthday in yours.”

You continued looking at him with an indecipherable gaze and moved your hand slowly from his arm to his wrist, your bare fingertips brushing his gloves. You gently grazed his fingers as you let his hand drop softly. He watched you as you inspected the book, hands turning it over, fanning through the pages. He studied your expression, trying to discern what you thought, feeling anxiety grow in his stomach, his throat tightening. He felt something hot poke inside him as he watched your mouth turn up into a smile as you gazed at his gift.

“I’ve been so busy this year that I forgot about my birthday.”

Crosshair hoped he hid his surprise. You not telling him about your birthday…it was never about him. Of course, you had forgotten. The past six cycles had been a whirlwind for you trying to adjust to a soldier’s lifestyle, countless missions and trying to fit in with his brothers. His face burned again. He was a fool.

You looked up at him, a smirk itching the corners of your mouth. “Been too busy keeping you boys in line.”

Crosshair scoffed lightly, letting a puff of breath out of his nose. Your smile widened.

“This is a beautiful gift, Cross. Thank you for getting it for me,” you place your hand on his arm again, squeezing gently to show your appreciation He felt his heart lift and his cheeks redden, but this time, not in embarrassment.

He nodded at you. “I’m…glad you like it. I don’t have much experience with birthdays.”

Your smile touched the edges of your eyes. “That’s what makes it even more special.”

You reached up on your tip toes and wrapped your arms around his neck, embracing him. Crosshair stiffened in shock and surprise before he slowly wrapped his arms around your torso. His fingers grazed your sides, and there was something wildly comforting about holding you like this. He could feel the side of your face pressed into his neck, just below his ear, and your breath tickled the sliver of open skin not covered by his blacks. You were so warm. He felt you squeeze him gently and he didn’t stop himself from squeezing back.

You were his best friend, after all.

You pulled away, but not before you cupped his face and placed a kiss on his cheek. Crosshair flinched and his eyes widened as you lowered yourself back down on flat feet with one of the most joyful smiles he’d ever seen gracing your face. The action had surprised him more than anything else had.

“I’m going to show everyone what you got me,” you said before running off towards the Marauder.

“No, don’t, they’ll—” Crosshair started but you were already halfway up the gangplank. His brothers’ teasing was going to be ruthless.

He sighed, shaking his head before following you, that thing flickering in his chest. He didn’t understand it, but he didn’t try to extinguish it.

banner art by @vimse

mando'a / meshurok = gemstone thank you for reading! i did find this one slightly challenging bc it's very much crosshair in his head and i tried to write him how i thought he would react to a situation like this, but if it's a little OOC, i apologise! but i think he would react like this if someone he cared about didn't tell him something important about them; someone who was his friend and who he liked very much. i think he'd be kinda mad and hurt but he cares too much to not do anything at all. i have more gen requests on the way, so stay tuned if you're interested! <3

tags @starrylothcat @sinfulsalutations @moodymisty @nahoney22 @freesia-writes @nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius @bobaprint @crosshairsnose @jesseeka @thegalaxys-edge @snarky-mans-gf @chopper-base @wenalena @shredderwest @leavingkamino @rexamongthestars @r2d2staser @bluebird-dreams @pb-jellybeans @a-streakofblue @theawkwardartist12 @mylifeisactuallyamess @padawancat97 @littlecrowtime @jedipoodoo

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[greensagephase]

I saw on one of your recent posts that you mentioned your birthday is on Wednesday so I wanted to take the time and wish you a very happy birthday!! 🥳✨ (but if I'm early then happy early birthday!!) You are absolutely the sweetest and nicest person I've ever talked to and the first moot I've ever just interacted with this much on here!! and I truly enjoy every one of our conversations and of course, your amazing stories!! Reading your stories and taking the time to talk with you on here has made the rest of my year so much better, really!🥹 Especially with school and everything, and you’ve also given me so much inspiration to draw after not doing so after some time. I’ll try not to make this too long but Alondra, you’re an amazing and wonderful person (and writer!!), and I wish you all the best, always!!! ❤️✨

Also wanted to make you a little drawing/card for your birthday!! ✨ I wanted to include the color “Rosa Mexicano” with some of the flowers as you mentioned wanting to include it with your spidersona to honor your Mexican Heritage and it's such a beautiful color. Also wanted to include the color sage green (or at least a version of it) because I’m guessing you also like that color too from your username! (and it's also just a great color!) I hope you have an amazing birthday Alondra, you deserve the best!! 🥳🥳

There's about ten minutes left before the 6th is over for me and THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO END MY BIRTHDAY ❤️😭 @sunsetdoodler I started to freak out as soon as I scrolled down a bit to keep reading and saw there was an image attached and then I saw it and STARTED TO SCREAM - I LOVE IT SO MUCH OH MY GOD!!!! IT'S PERFECT AND SO SO SWEET THANK YOU😭😭😭 I'm literally crying as I type this because it's one of the best gifts I've ever received, THANK YOU !!! I'm just going to keep saying it, I'm sorry !! But oh my god!! Yes, I love the color sage green!! I like green overall but sage green is one of my favorite shades of it!! I've had this username for about two years since I started liking the color and I thought it was just going to be a phase, so that's where my username came from lol but I'm still in love with it two years later! THE FACT YOU INCLUDED ROSA MEXICANO, NO, I LOVE YOU FR!!! THANK YOU for including it ❤️❤️ also the decorations on the cake!!! They look like poinsettias to me and I absolutely love them!! My mom gets me an arrangement every year for my birthday, so I'm just delighted by that detail, I'm seriously crying right now but they're happy tears!!! 🥹 I'm really sorry for screaming but THEN THERE'S MIGUEL - STOP IT, I'M CRYING EVEN MORE NOW!!! HE LOOKS SO SWEET AND SOFT AND HIS SMILE????!!! SCREAMING AND CRYING!!! AND THE LITTLE BLUSH??? I'M LITERALLY GIGGLING AND KICKING MY FEET WHILE CRYING !!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT - YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!! ❤️😭

Thank you so much for the sweet words and birthday wishes @sunsetdoodler😭You're one of the few moots I interact with and it has also made my last half of the year so much better!!! I genuinely didn't think that I'd be on here interacting much since I had no plans to write this much, which is really funny to think about now, haha! But I'm so thankful I'm on here and that you went off anon because we're moots ❤️I really enjoy talking with you when possible (which by the way, I meant to reply today to part 8's drawing but today just kind of went by, I'm sorry!!) and just getting to interact with you and hear about your schooling, which I hope everything is going well with, and life overall!!! You've given me so much inspiration for Miguel, too and your drawings, as always, make my days!!!! Please know that I truly cherish everything and us being moots makes me so happy I decided to start writing on here!!!!!❤️

@sunsetdoodler my birthday was a great one this year!! I had the amazing opportunity to spend it with my loved ones again and I had some bomb food as well (barbacoa and rice with homemade tortillas and some agua de Jamaica to drink!). It was already an amazing day and your drawing/card and sweet words and wishes were just the best way to end my 25th birthday!! THANK YOU SO, SO, SO MUCH!!!! It means so much to me, seriously, thank you from the bottom of my heart @sunsetdoodler❤️❤️❤️ I hope everything is going well with school and life in general, as always!!! And I'm sending you a warm virtual hug!!! THANK YOU ( I said it so much but seriously, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!)!!!✨❤️✨

[ikubaes]

i'm not sure if you will ever look back on here after interaction we had on friday, but i want to write this anyway... i wanna answer everything you wrote in your post... and i think this is just me subsequently wanting to talk to you more.

i have to admit, i was a little confused as to why you broke no contact with me first on the 3rd and then writing to me on the 12th... if we weren't gonna talk... this could just be my confusion, but i always thought reaching out first meant having a conversation with the other person? i guess maybe i didn't reply fast enough? the message and post gave me a lot of hope for a future "us" would that look back at this moment in time and just laugh at how silly we were being.

things in your post made me think you did wanna talk, so i was a bit surprised by the reaction i got when i approached you. i knew it was your birthday and there's a million other things you'd rather be doing, but i don't know... it confused me a lot. this isn't me being upset that you didn't want to, it's just the way i was processing everything... it's okay, though. i told you that i wouldn't rush you. not that you ever have to talk to me either... i feel like the ball has always been in your court when it comes to us reconnecting... it's really your call... your comfort. i'll always want to. not because i think of you fondly because you loved me so dearly, i want to because i truly feel as if we're meant to be in each other's lives if we carry holes in us that are entirely shaped like the other.

i want to talk you again, be in your space again, feel you trust me again, laugh with you again, link arms with you while we walk down the street again. i genuinely love you. i never stopped. i guess the problem was that i never really cared what we were, as long as we could fall on each other and talk... maybe that's my fault.

i'll list my contacts here that are quicker than tumblr if you do wanna talk... i won't bother you on instagram again.

discord: mostlyfate / twitter: @idluanymore

i really don’t know how to start this off. i don’t even know how many days have passed since i finally saw what was on your blog. it’s kind of funny, actually. i’ve went back and looked on here a bunch of times throughout the past year but i never felt able to check the stuff on your blog. it felt invasive, for some reason. even though we kind of built this together (didn’t we?) it felt like i wasn’t allowed to go back on there, so i didn’t. but that day i was having a particularly hard time and i was feeling your absence in a way that just saying “missing” doesn’t seem to cut it. i was talking with a new friend who doesn’t know much about you and i guess i said something in relation to you that made them say something along the lines of: i don’t know what happened because you don’t talk about this but i can tell this is still hurting you. it caught me off guard, i guess it’s never nice to be called out. either way, that night i was really looking for your words. i felt silly but i read plenty of tomin and i wanted to remember what you said to me in letters. i vaguely remembered you maybe addressing me at the end of gifts, so i finally checked your blog. imagine my surprise, i wanted just a paragraph of you telling me i was valued and i came across all that. it froze me, it’s frozen me for several days. i find myself in a state where i don’t know where i stand and i don’t know what to do. i regret never getting closure but i didn’t dare to mess with how it was ended.

that is kinda funny that you were never able to look at my blog... i looked at yours a lot, especially the little note you wrote me at the end of tomin's 500 days. sometimes it would make me cry. sometimes it would make me smile. on the tail end of 2023, it would mostly make me cry. we did build these blogs together and now we're here, tip-toeing around each other on them years later. i also miss you in a way that "missing" doesn't encompass either. i'm sorry the thought of me still hurts you, i really wish i could do something about it; i really want to. i don't really say sorry a lot either, so i really mean it when i say it to you. i'm happy my words were able to reach you. i hope you could feel the fondness and love i still hold for you in them. this part "i find myself in a state where i don’t know where i stand and i don’t know what to do. i regret never getting closure but i didn’t dare to mess with how it was ended." is what made me think you wanted to reconnect with me, on top of the message from the 3rd.

with the topic of you talking to your friend who doesn't know a lot about me, i had a similar experience. i made a new friend last year who was also a taylor swift fan, i also kinda delved into her music a lot more after we stopped talking because i always told you i liked her girly, country albums more than her newer stuff and it was also just an excuse to feel close to you in some way. at least we'll be listening to the same songs. so, it was when she dropped her eras tour dvd thing online. we were watching it, making commentary and the song 'the 1' came on. i busted into tears. it was so uncontrollable, we had to pause and all i could do was cry about all of the memories of you flooding through my mind about how you said it reminded you of me.

i’ve thought about you throughout the year. i’ve thought about you, your sister, your brother, your friends. i’ve thought about the “i hope you get everything you’ve ever wanted and i hope i never hear a thing about it” quote. not in a negative way, of course. i wish for your happiness because i still genuinely think you are deserving of love but i don’t think that’s something that will ever include me. i think you remember me fondly because i loved you so desperately and i believe you will be able to find other people, like me, who will love you like that. it just won’t be me, and that’s fine. all the love i showed you is yours to keep and i hope you know that.

i thought a lot about you too. i've thought about those around you and how jealous i am of them. the quote does hurt, but i really hope i do get to hear about everything good that's happened to you even if it doesn't involve me. i still think there's a chance for us, so i do think you could be involved if you wanted to be. i don't remember you fondly simply because you loved me. i remember you the way i do because despite all of the stuff we went through together, we could always smile at the end. i think about you so sweetly because you were my rock, the person i went to everything with, the person who would sit with me for hours, bantering and creating and allowing me to love her. i'm sorry the kind of love i was capable of back then wasn't what you wanted. i truly am sorry. i recognize now that to a person who feels one type of love so strongly, being around the object of their affection that can only give another form of love must've been really hard. we had so many memorable times together... so many of my formative moments in my late teens and early twenties were with you. a part of me grew up with you. i love for for many reasons and not one of them is simply because you loved me.

it does make me feel less lonely to realize you remember me in such kind ways. in my constant self-villanization i feared the occasional aches i felt were one-sided and i was nothing more than just a fleeting memory to you. i wrote this down a lot. do you miss me? do you think about me? are you fine with all this? am i carrying this all alone? i guess i’m not. it makes the burden a little less heavy and then you wonder, isn’t this kinda ridiculous? but i don’t know.. i don’t know. i guess i wanted you to know that i still carry you too. in the small things, the iu and the red velvet, the fromis 9 and the furuba. that silly black cat is still in my bed, but now he wears a cinnamoroll hat and goes by a new name. i changed a lot this past year, mostly my interests. i realized half-way i was just pretending there was a three year gap where nothing happened, avoiding things i shared with you and sheltering myself in things i wouldn’t find you in, even though i always found you. did you know jeonghan from seventeen’s favorite movie is my tomorrow, your yesterday? did you get the 1004 from him? i always think about these things. do you remember when i told you juyeon from the boyz was kinda jeongmin coded? do you remember when we made an idolverse and i ripped off their discography? do you remember jeongmin? a lot of people are surprised i kind of stopped caring about twice. but how could i? i couldn’t even explain it. i walked around with holes i forcibly ripped away until i found something else to patch them up. i made new friends, factory reset my life.

i do miss you. i do think about you. i wasn't fine with it and i still am not fine with the distance between us. you're not carrying anything alone. why is it ridiculous that we both miss each other dearly? did we not love each other for 2 years? do we both not wish we could still be around the other? i never really tried to forget you, if i had to be honest. of course it stung, but i took it as me just simply still caring about you. after the initial pain had waned, i think my love for you simply crystalized in my heart; it was still there, just condensed and solid in place. i never really tried to change my interest either, i thought in retrospect, it was kinda sweet that our voices would echo behind the others' whenever we spoke about common things we shared. i'm happy you still carry the black cat around with you, even if she's different now. to be loved is to be changed, no?

i hope one day you'll be able to enjoy the things you enjoyed with me with yourself again... and if you don't want to, that's okay, too. interests change all the time. i rewatched our beloved summer this past summer because i missed you the most then and all i could think about is how we ended up paralleling yeonsu and ung.

i didn't know his favorite movie was my tomorrow, your yesterday! dang, does that mean we're both basic? /lighthearted and i got 1004 because it means cheonsa in korean! i always thought it was cute, it's cute that that's his birthday, too. i also happen to like juyeon these days. the boyz, not so much, but i do like seeing juyeon's photoshoots. he is jeongmin coded, isn't he? i still remember jeongmin. my favorite muse to ever exist, of course! i remember everything about him, you could still quiz me now and i'm sure i'd get a 100% on a minnie quiz.

coincidentally on the 3rd, i accidentally typed jeongmin's name instead of jeongin for a show i was watching with a friend. i was surprised myself that his name was still engrained in me.

i'm happy that you have a good crowd around you. i'm also surprised you can't find yourself being invested in twice anymore since i remember they were the main group you collected. i hope that changes since they were your girls for so long.

saying it like that kind of makes it sound miserable, but i’m not, or at least i’m not most of the time. i don’t want you to think i am struggling, i think i’ve managed to hold myself up pretty alright. though i am emotionally unavailable in ways that surprise me when i look back at us, the person who i am today vs. the lover girl i was… please always cherish that love because i don’t know if i will ever be able to give it away like that. so devoted the lines blur. my new friend said it’s concerning when i said i let the people that love me do whatever they want with or to me, but i don’t know. maybe one day i will learn, but please don’t let all that i gave you be in vain. if you still have those days where you feel too difficult, always remember there was somebody that really loved you and would’ve done anything for you. i don’t need it to be mutual anymore, i just want it to be acknowledged.

i'm glad you have been living a good life. i truly am. i hope you have brighter days than you have dark. i do cherish all of the love you gave me. i just wish you would let me give it back to you in a manner that i couldn't back then. so devoted the lines blur is a beautiful way to put it. i do still have days where i feel too difficult, that's all i could think about the first couple of months that we didn't talk. how inept i was. how i couldn't seem to get it through my thick skull that you did love me. i wrote about this in my first post to you and a little bit in my second, too. how i couldn't seem to get a grasp on my interpersonal problems that made me feel so unlovable. get a grasp on my sexuality. asking me to believe you loved me back then was like asking an atheist to believe in god. they simply couldn't. i think we argued about how i didn't feel like you cared for me a few times because the way you portrayed it wouldn't register in my worm-infested brain or something like that. the problems we had back then really escape me now. i know a lot of it was because i had a hard time admitting i had feelings for you because of my confusion in my sexuality, how turbulent my life was at one point, how moody i was, too, and how we never really talked about it afterwards. how things just were swept under the rug because we wanted to salvage what kind of relationship we still had with each other. i think we were both really insecure with the other, too. i know i was really immature too. short with you, too. couldn't understand why you kept saying or doing things that upset me. i've healed a lot in therapy, i'm coming up on one year in therapy soon. i've done a lot of work pertaining my family problems and my emotional dysregulation. i think i saw my therapist 3 times a week during the summer because i really needed someone to talk to about everything. my therapist does know a lot about you... i hope you don't mind. i recently came out to a lot of my friends and loved ones, too... learned a lot about my sexuality through other queer south asian women and it was a very healing experience. which is funny because i remember you clocking a long time ago that my man-chasing shenanigans were just me displaying "fatherless behavior" and well, it was true. you clocked a long time ago that i was comp-het and a flaming lesbian in denial, too. i still laugh thinking about how i told you how much i loved women growing up and you just called me gay. i know you said you didn't wanna hear a lot about me, but i did wanna share this with you.

i’ll always remember you. i’ll remember how you said that you liked how i loved you like a puppy, how willing i was to do anything for us. you’re someone i’m always going to remember because you showed me how much love i am capable to have, to feel and to give.

to this, i want to tell you that there will always be a chair, decorated with stickers with matcha bubble tea sitting on it, waiting for you, at my table for you. there's always space in my heart and life for you if you ever decide you want to be there. i wouldn't have to make space because it would simply always be there. i see a future for us. i really do.

p.s.: i tell people you were my ex girlfriend. it’s much simpler that way. is that okay with you? almost one year no contact, can we finally admit we were in a two year long relationship? it’s okay if not. i always felt i would’ve been easier to love if i had been a boy.

i admit we were basically in a relationship with each other. i'll happily be your ex girlfriend. you wouldn't have been easier to love if you were a boy. not in the slightest. i'm sorry if i made you feel that way in a state of how underdeveloped i was back then. i love you for everything you are.

i think about that question, "if you were in a room full of people you loved, who would you go to first?"

undeniably, irrevocably... i would go to you.

i hope you had a fun birthday. i really hope i hear from you soon. if i don't, i hope my words touch you once again.

as always, i love you and i'm always here for you.

[rantsandotherwritings]

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist for next month. I’m a bit anxious, but mostly relieved. I’m already rehearsing my monologue.

“I need a diagnosis or a prescription or some kind of drastic lifestyle change.”

That’s what I’m going to tell him. I can’t predict what he’ll tell me though. My experiences with therapy have all been different.

The first time a saw a “counselour: was at university. One of my lecturers died suddenly in the middle of a semester and I didn’t know how to cope. I genuinely considered packing up and going home, but it was also the semester before my last and I’d have had to wait a whole year to write my finals. 

I stuck it out and met with the school counselour a few times and we talked about my general guilt over having a good time and taking breaks. She told me to watch “Gifted” with Chris Evans and wrote letters to my other lecturers so I could have extra time to finish all my final assignments. I don’t remember much else.

My next time in therapy was with a psychotherapist and it was NOT a good time. That was when I first suspected that I might be experiencing PMDD symptoms and she was not having it. It was not something she would consider, that my hormones were involved at all.

It was not a safe place for me. I didn’t really want to tell her the truth about anything, because I felt like she would judge me.

I told her about the time my boyfriend’s friend posted an inappropriate message about me on my boyfriend’s birthday and how upset I was over it and her conclusion was that I care what other people think, I care about my image. When at that point, I was just hurt that my boyfriend hadn’t stood up for me. He should have known I’d be offended by something like that.

My mom used to come with me to my sessions and wait in the lobby and my therapist implied that meant I was too dependent on my parents. In all honesty, she wasn’t wrong. I am more dependent on my parents than the average twenty-something year old. And that was NOT the evidence of that. My family’s culture is that we’re there for each other. My mom or her sister (or even I, on one occasion) take their mom to the doctor or to run tests. As much as is possible, she doesn’t go alone. Unless nobody can manage, someone always goes with the others to the doctor if they’re open to it. I couldn’t understand how this was different.

Eventually I admitted that this therapist was not for me and I stopped seeing her.

A bit later, we came across a new one. She seemed nice. She had kids. Her office was in the same building as my workplace. It was a match made in heaven. Our first session, she sent me home with a comic to read! She was so understanding and she sent me to do some hormone testing to make sure my thyroid wasn’t part of the problem. Even though my hormones were normal, it was so validating to be heard, to feel like my voice mattered.

I stopped seeing her after one session where I felt embarrassed. We were talking about the menstrual cycle and she exclaimed at my ignorance of how it worked in terms of the fluctuations of hormones and their effects at the different phases.

“You should know this??!!”

And of course she’s right, but I no longer felt safe. I felt judged and a little ridiculous. So we had a conversation about me not needing any more sessions. Then the pandemic hit, the next month I think.

Since then, my mental health has been tossed between bad and worse. I can’t even remember a time when it was good.

I’ve always been anti-medication, mostly because my parents have been. And recently a friend advised against any kind of mood-altering drug. Her withdrawals were nightmarish. And where she lives, the mental health care system is so much better than where I live, so IDK if it’s a risk worth taking.

But I am also tired. I don’t want to have to accept that this is just the way it is, that this is how it will always be. I need some kind of intervention.

[how-do-i-delete-this-acc]

happy birthday, kenma.

kenma x gn reader

warnings: post timeskip, reader and kenma live together and share finances

a/n: I LOVE KENMA HE'S BEEN MY FAV SINCE DAY ONE IM SO EXCITED

"y/n?" kenma called out. why were all the shades down? it was kind of creepy.

he turned on the bedroom light and walked out to the hall, and then to the living room, flipping light switches as he walked.

this is kind of weird. kenma thought as he walked into the kitchen. maybe they just went out?

he flipped the kitchen light switch.

"SURPRISE!" y/n yelled.

"AH!" kenma yelped, startled by the sudden noise. when he realized what was going on, he immediately bounced into his usual, calm expression, but this time with a small smile.

on the kitchen table, there were a couple wrapped boxes, some balloons, and an apple pie instead of a cake. "what's all this?"

"happy birthday kenma!" y/n said, a cheery grin on their face as they ran up to him and gave him a big hug.

oh. "it's my birthday today?" kenma asked. if he was being honest, he had no idea what the date was.

their heart dropped. "i-is it not today? your birthday's october 16th, right?"

"oh. i guess so. i forgot that that was today."

y/n let out a small sigh of relief and smiled. "that's another year. love you, kenma." they gave him a peck to the cheek.

he smiled. "love you too, y/n."

they gestured to the boxes on the table. "open your presents!"

he opened the first one. a small one. he tore the red wrapping paper off to reveal a box containing a couple of red hair clips, one with a pudding charm, and the other with a heart charm. he smiled. he had complained to them last week that his hair was always getting into his face, and it meant a lot to him that they took note of that and gave him this cute gift.

"well?" y/n asked. "do you like it?"

'yeah," kenma replied, pressing a kiss to their forehead. "i do."

"i knew i had to get these when i saw the pudding one, you pudding head." y/n teased, to which kenma rolled his eyes playfully.

"open the next one!" y/n said, their eyes eager and excited.

kenma tore off the wrapping paper of and opened a slightly larger box to reveal a picture frame. inside the frame was one of his favorite photos of both of them together, which was a photo kuroo had taken and sent to him. it was a picture of him and y/n on the couch, cuddling and watching a movie. except not actually watching it because they had both fallen fast asleep.

he smiled. he would put this near his gaming setup, he decided. it would remind him of the love of his life everyday, and he was very happy with it.

"i love it. it's cute." kenma said, pressing another peck onto y/n's forehead.

"open the last one!" y/n said, a grin stuck permanently on their face.

the last one was big. really big. "i hope that you didn't spend too much money on this one." seeing as how they shared finances and he made a handsome salary off of his company and gaming career, money wasn't too much of an issue, but he still didn't want them spending too much on his birthday. birthdays were never THAT important to him, after all.

"don't worry." y/n said, excitement clear in their eyes. "just open it!"

kenma ripped off the wrapping paper and opened up the box.

"a.. pet bed? and a litter box? what's this, a crate, or carrier or something? and a.. scratching post? huh?" that wasn't all. there was also an automatic wet cat food dispenser, a pet water fountain, some cat toys, a brush and comb, premium wet cat food, a blanket, a cute red cat collar, a large bag of litter, and an envelope.

"y/n what is all this?" kenma was honestly genuinely confused. in the back of his mind, he had a little panic attack thinking that his s/o might be a furry.

"just open the envelope!" y/n said, shoving it into his hands.

he pulled out a piece of paper and tossed the envelope to the side before reading the contents of the paper. it was the confirmation of an adoption fee. the adoption fee of a calico cat. a female, 8-pound, 2 year old calico cat.

he looked back at y/n. "is this.. our cat?"

they smiled. "im picking her up tomorrow if you want to come. i've already met her, and she's very friendly."

kenma was.. so happy. he had always wanted a cat, ever since he was a kid. he didn't know what to say. he simply pulled y/n into a big hug, holder them tight. "of course. i love you. thanks for.. all this."

the two spent the rest of the day playing games, watching shows, eating the apple pie, and opening gifts he had gotten from friends.

kenma was never very good with words. he didn't really know what to say whenever he was presented with really any situation that he couldn't script. but that was ok. because even if his only words to y/n's efforts were "i love you" or "thank you," y/n knew very well just how grateful he was.

and that was enough.

happy birthday to you. happy birthday to you. happy birthday dear kenma! happy birthday to you!

love you sm kenma <33 u have always been my fav muah muah

-luvsoji

happy kenma day!

[megururus]

matching bracelets ￤ meguru bachira

cw : meguru being meguru and embarrassing the reader just tad bit! teeth rotting fluff??

a/n : this is my first post on herebsix and it's dedicated to my numba one for his BDAYYY!!!! hopefully this is not toe like eww?? but ya enjoy it!

( august 8 — 8:08pm )

bachira meguru loves to make it known to everyone that it’s his birthday. he loves every single thing about it from the beginning of the day, all the way up to the very last milliseconds of the last hour.

he loves starting off his day waking up to ‘happy birthday meguru!’ texts from family, friends, neighbors, and most importantly, you.

though he adores the thoughtful presents, small parties, and treats he’s gifted throughout the day celebrating his birth, nothing is as beautiful as a gift as spending his special day with you!

and that’s where we are lead to now, a beautiful scene it is truly. the two of you entangled with one another’s bodies on the comfortable mattress. the movie you both had put on initially was now nothing as mere background noise for you both. the two of you laid, speaking about nothing else, but meguru’s special day.

"i love the new cleats my aunt got me, ive been wanting a pair in that color!" meguru said, though it came out more as muffled words, since his head was situated in the crook of your neck.

you hummed, "i thought the new painting supplies your mom got you would've been your favorite gift, no?"

meguru readjusted himself, making it so he could look at you, “i do love it! i’m just saving my favorite for a certain, special gift…”

you knew what he was hinting towards. he meant the birthday gift you have yet to give him.

nerves taking over you, you bit the inside of your cheek, and spoke up hesitantly, “i…i do have a gift for you, it’s just that…”

your voice slightly trailed off, noticing the big grin that etched its way onto meguru’s face in the corner of your eye.

“just what?”

a defeated sigh came from your mouth, you turned your head to fully face him, “it’s just that it’s silly, ‘nd i don’t know if you’ll even like it…”

meguru stared at you for a moment, before erupting into a melodious laugh. your lips pouted slightly as he continued his laughing fit. you laid there confused as to why he began to laugh so abruptly.

“y/n,” he started once his laughter had died down to small giggles. he placed his warm hand on your cheek and smiled so genuinely it almost made your heart explode. “i’m going to love anything you give me! you could give me mud and i’d still love it, maybe i’ll be like ‘what the heck?’, but i would cherish that mud till end of time because you gave it to me!”

you placed your hand on top of the one he had placed on your cheek and laughed. his stupid way of comforting you worked, and you absolutely adored him for that.

“okay, okay,” you said after dying down your own laughter. you scooted off his bed and walked over to your bag that laid in the corner of his room. after some digging, you pulled out a small, yellow pouch.

“it’s nothing too big, just something small,” you light-heartedly warned, walking back over to the bed. you sat on the edge of it while meguru leaned his back against the headboard.

he smiled, “i’m sure i’m gonna love it!”

you chuckled, holding out your hand, signaling for him to put his arm out, which he did not understand. he placed his hand in yours and laced your fingers together.

“no! give me your wrist!” you said, eyebrows knitting together. “and close your eyes!”

“oh!”

he corrected himself and followed your orders, closing his eyes tightly. he felt something cold wrap around his wrists, a bracelet obviously.

“okay, open!” you said, biting your bottom lip anxiously as you saw him open his eyes and investigate the new bracelet that sat on his wrist.

it was gold, probably not real, but it had the same gold coloring. hanging so delicately from the band, was a small dolphin shaped charm.

meguru looked at the jewelry with pure admiration and love, “a dolphin charm!”

he brought the bracelet closer to his face, closely examining it. a shy smile soon made its way to your lips, “do you like it? i can return it—!”

“no, i love it! i love it so much you have no idea!” he interrupted you, looking at your still reluctant face. “really, i do.”

“okay, good because we have matching ones,” you pulled up the sleeve of your (meguru’s) hoodie to reveal the same bracelet, but yours had a small sea-horse charm, differing from his dolphin one.

somehow, his eyes sparkled even more than before seeing the matching set you both wore. he tackled you into a hug, resulting in your back softly hitting the mattress.

“this is the perfect gift, y/n,” he mumbled while he laid in the crook of your neck. “i told you i would love it!”

you wrapped your arms around him and gave him a small squeeze, “shhh, i was just nervous!”

he lifted his head so he was hovering above you properly, “there’s no need to be nervous around me or what you think my thoughts are, okay?”

you softly smiled at the boy, which he mirrored, “okay.”

moving your hands from his back to his face, you placed both of your hands on his warm cheeks. you lifted your body up a bit to close the distance between you both, eagerly placing your lips onto his. meguru’s lips felt soft, and it felt like they sat perfectly against yours, which they did.

a satisfying hum came from your throat, breaking off the quick kiss. meguru pouted, “rude!”

“i can only kiss you for so long, meguru! i need to breathe ya know?!”

“‘kay then i’ll just kiss you like this!” he leaned down once more and happily peppered your face with kisses. not one spot was left un—kissed.

“meguru, stop! it tickles,” you laughed, as he continued to press soft kisses to your face.

you pushed his face away, continuing to laugh at the lingering, tickling feeling his lips left on your skin.

he looked at you with pure love as he watched you laugh. he smiled to himself, thinking about how he had to be the luckiest guy in the world to have someone like you by his side, especially on a special day like today.

“i love you,” he softly said.

“i love you too,” you replied.

© megururus august 8, 2022

[childe-dni]

Crystalflies and Calla Lilies

kaeya x reader

word count: 801

warnings: not proof read

although Kaeya has never been keen on celebrating his birthday, you just couldn't help yourself

a/n; I would have written and posted this yesterday had I not been so busy. it's a bit rushed as you may be able to tell but I still wanted to post something for kaeya because he deserves it. happy belated birthday to my beautiful wife!

When you came knocking on Kaeya's door at exactly 12.00 am he was worried to say the least. He was expecting some kind of threat or danger to succeed the sound of your voice at such an hour. So when he opened the door, weapon at the ready, to you beaming with a radiant smile akin to the sunlight at noonday, that worry immediately dissipated, leaving only confusion behind. And he sunk further into this confusion when you dragged him from out of his quarters and out of the walls of Mondstadt.

He quickly gave up on questioning what exactly you were doing, simply going with the flow, a soft chuckle escaping his lips each time he caught the determined glint in your eye. You refused to answer his questions or respond to any teasing or gentle taunts, just telling him to keep following you. So he did. He followed you past Springvale and even past the Winery until the two of you reached a more secluded but still atmospheric and scenic part of Mondstadt.

All of a sudden, you let go of his hand and started running forwards in front of the two of you. You stopped abruptly before throwing your hands in the air and whisper-yelling ‘surprise!’.  This made Kaeya really pause to take a look around. You stopped by a river bank decorated by all kinds of flowers, mainly snapdragons and, your lover’s favourite, calla lilies. The night sky was illuminated by the numerous crystalflies dancing in the air while the moon light waltzed with them on the surface of the water. With you in the middle, the scene was absolutely breathtaking.

“What’s all this?” Kaeya breathed out, not even bothering to mask the genuine surprise in his voice.

“A little birthday gift for you since I know you didn’t want any grand gestures! Happy birthday”, you spoke, trying to contain your excitement.

You knew that your partner was never particularly fond of celebrating his own birthday, he never really enjoyed anything that meant drawing attention to or dwelling on himself for too long. For this reason, he has always avoided birthday celebrations and even tries to elude telling people his birthday much like when he told Klee he was born on the 31st of February. He knew he shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was that the person he loves the most wanted to celebrate the day he came into existence in a way he would be comfortable with but he just couldn't help it.

“Thank you sweetheart,” he murmured while swiftly catching a crystalfly in his fist before unfurling his fingers to reveal only the crystal core.  “Truly, thank you.”

He neatly tucked it within your hair so that it rested on top of your ear and gave your temple a gentle kiss as he pulled away. And it was then that with both eyes revealed to you, you saw Kaeya bare and as he was – uncertain but still grateful – and the stars in his eyes glimmered with adoration for you.

“I didn’t really do much”, you smiled, enjoying the view of your boyfriend under the moonlight, the luminous crystalflies fluttering around seemingly highlighting him.

“You know,” Kaeya began as he lowered himself to the ground and started picking the calla lilies one by one. “It’s been so long since I celebrated my birthday that I actually forgot about it until now.”

A wistful smile made its way across his lips and you didn’t miss the melancholy glint in his eyes as he looked at the flowers in his hands.

“Well, I’m glad to be the first to celebrate with you after all this time”, you spoke softly as you sat down besides him, picking a flower out of his hand to place gently behind his ear.

Your tenderness rendered Kaeya speechless, leaving him struggling to choose words that could accurately express his feelings in that moment. He felt as though his heart wasn’t supposed to carry so much love for anyone in his lifetime so all of that love was overflowing in that moment, cutting off the connection between his brain and mouth. Though that didn’t matter, he didn’t need to say anything because you started speaking first.

“You’ve given me an idea, actually”, you sprung up on your two feet. “Crystal cores would be good for styling your hair, no?”

And as Kaeya watched you clumsily leap and stagger around in attempts to catch crystalflies as opposed to his sleek movements from earlier, he wondered if you were even aware of what he was really thanking you for earlier. Not only had you made him start to enjoy the thought of seeing another birthday, you also made him realise that he truly wasn’t alone anymore. Because of you, he never would be again.

@bat-mlm-blog

[mingying]

[spoilers] hospital playlist s2 ep 11; ikjun/songhwa

I can’t believe this finally happened. And it happened in arguably the best ways possible for us IkSong shippers. As usual, this post is just basically my own thoughts and opinion of the episode and my interpretation of things - feel free to disagree, and I hope you enjoy reading this musing of mine!

22 years later, finally they found each other again <3

TL;DR: Everything happens for a reason and we have finally reached the rainbow end <3

Let’s begin by addressing the ER scene, but before that, I would like to point out that since Ep 10, Songhwa has been shown to be somewhat forgetful and a klutz - in Ep 10, she was searching for her socks and insisted that she wore them for her rounds. She also seemed to have forgotten to take off her surgical cap until Seonbin pointed it out to her.

In Ep 11, the episode starts off with Songhwa leaving her handbag in Ikjun’s office, and subsequently her handphone, followed by her handbag in the car again. This is not a dementia arc, guys (haha) but I genuinely think that this is her mind being occupied by her newly realised feelings for Ikjun that her normally composed self had started to crumble (and that’s entirely ok!). Another interpretation of this scene could be that unintentionally and subconsciously, she just wanted to remain in the hospital knowing Ikjun may return to collect his gift later.

Can I also point out her sixth sense in this scene? When she peered out of her window and heard the sound of ambulance, followed immediately by Dr Bong calling, she looked disturbed. Normally, she would have answered her calls immediately without hesitation but this time you could tell that she frowned and waited for maybe 2 seconds before answering Dr Bong. Well, never messed with a woman’s intuition I guess!

The ER Scene. Gosh. I actually have a lot of things to say about this. I know some people do not like this trope and that it is a typical trigger for characters to realise their feelings. But, I’d have to say that ShinLee did not intend for this scene to be a trigger of Songhwa realising that she likes Ikjun.

Because she already knows and had realised, somewhere around Ep 8-9 but more obviously 9, that she does like him as a man (all over again). If anything, this ER scene was meant to give Songhwa that one last push to confess, otherwise she may end up regretting not to. Another reason why I felt this scene was necessary was that Songhwa has been too comfortable in Ikjun’s constant presence by her side -- perhaps she has been wanting to confess but still lack the courage to and she didn’t think she needed to act on it rightaway because Ikjun would always be there by her side.

Gosh, the way she rushed to Ikjun and didn’t even hear Dr Bong trying to report to her that he actually wasn’t in such a terrible state. The way she slipped her hand in his and was so gentle in her questions - you can really just tell that she was trying her best not to crumble.

(side note: Jeon Mido, your acting was truly stellar during this scene. That suppressed professionalism vs personal feelings. I really felt her worry and regret in this entire scene. I loved it so much)

Now, why do I firmly believe that Songhwa already intends to confess to Ikjun eventually? Other than the fact that Songhwa herself confirmed during her confession that “I should have told you that I liked you”, it’s because of the Gift that she has given him for his birthday. It’s a cap, and initially we don’t think much of it until the flashback sequence showed and we realised that, a cap was what 99z Songhwa wanted to give to Ikjun but never did because he had turned her down for dinner and lied that he has a blind date.

Present day Songhwa gifting Ikjun a cap can be interpreted as her having let go of the hurt he had caused her in the past and that she was willing to try, again.

Interestingly, I’d like to also point out that the 99z flashback in this episode was truly necessary for us to understand Songhwa’s aversion to ‘Sad Sea’ and why she has rejected Ikjun in the first episode. 99z Songhwa didn’t give up when Ikjun stood her up for her birthday but mustered the courage to confess to him - she tried twice too, asking if he really has to go on that blind date that evening and couldn’t he go another time? Ikjun, in that scene, was playing Sad Sea. 

I would like to apologise to Ep 7 Songhwa because I had been frustrated with her then, but now that everything has been rolled out beautifully, I do not blame her at all for her hesitancy and year long passiveness. Ikjun kinda deserved it after breaking her heart twice (HA!) and remember this shot of Ikjun in Ep 7? 

I now interpret this scene as him realising that he knew Songhwa’s reasons of rejecting him. Because there was no way he didn’t know that Songhwa had liked him in the 99z, and he was perhaps regretting turning her down for dinner that day during his birthday. He knew he had a chance with her then but blew it, and that is perhaps why he never faltered in making Songhwa happy now. Not that he expects anything in return, but perhaps he wanted to make up for the indirect hurt he had caused her.

Bab Meokja had been something initiated by Songhwa back then. And now, it is a treat he gives himself -- I really do think that is the reason why he keeps asking Songhwa out for meals in the present time, because Ikjun probably wanted to indrectly make up for what happened in 99z.

Let’s move on to another great scene! The card game scene!

For some, it may seem to be a random scene but for me, I saw it in a different way and I’m glad Kfans and some users on Twitter pointed out this theory as well. 

As you all know, the card game IkSong was playing was “Bluff/Cheat”. Here, you could see that Ikjun could read Songhwa so well that he knows when she would lie. But Songhwa on the other hand, could not read Ikjun as well -- and this is further affirmed by Songhwa’s confession when she said “If your feelings for me haven’t changed,”. This is beautiful because it makes Ikjun’s expression during the confession scene even more sense -- a user on reddit pointed out that his expression at that time wasn’t more of a “omg she likes me after all”, it was more of a “she has realised her feelings for me,” and I think that’s absolutely beautiful. He even nodded subtlely a few times as Songhwa struggled to get her confession out, as if encouraging her and saying “you can do it, just a bit more”. 

Back to the card game - Ikjun even threw down a 9 Hearts - which I believe is a metaphor of his feelings for her, steady and still unwavering. 

(Bonus note: I absolutely love how Iksun caught on to them being lovey dovey at once and Junwan’s expression catching them was HILARIOUS)

On to my next scene which was absolute favourite.

Songhwa had finished a difficult/challenging surgery, and out of excitement (she even skipped omg whipped girlie), she called Ikjun first to convey the good news to him. Her tone here really depicts a difference in how she talks to Ikjun before. This scene alone tells you that Songhwa has pretty much fallen for Ikjun again and I love love love that finally she has someone she would want to immediately call to share her good news with! 

And the best part? Our best boy Lee Ikjun never went to Changwon. Instead, he waited for her for probably hours (it was bright day when they said goodbye, but night when Songhwa returned to her office) and even told her straight that he has to see her before he leaves because of how worried she had been before. Good lord find me a man like Ikjun please? 

image cr: iksongarchives @ twitter

This entire shot, with I Knew I Love playing in the background pretty much hits. It is in this exact moment that Songhwa has probably made up her mind to confess for real, that she wasn’t going to waste another second because I am sooo sure she would have ran to hug him if not because of their status at that moment. I love this scene so much. It is the personification of the lyrics of I Knew I Love, which goes “I called you out of habit today and you answered warmly, you make me the happiest in the whole wide world, I love you so much”.

And finally. 

Finally.

*takes a deep breath*

SONGHWA CONFESSED!!!!!!!!

AND THEY KISSED!!!! UNDER THE RAIN!!! 

The whole directing of this scene, with the slow camera panning into them - Ikjun was restless, probably breaking into cold sweats (he commented it was cold) while Songhwa was nervous and trying to muster enough courage to confess (she commented it was really hot). I held my breath for so long I felt like I was about to faint I swear to god.

Songhwa looked legit terrified that Ikjun was going to reject her man, and it all makes sense why after we got the 99z flashback this episode. 

And Ikjun, he really waited for her cues. Even after she was done confessing, he looked at her and waited for her to look at him back before he went “I’ll give you my answer”. And it was only after Songhwa nodded in fear and anticipation, that he swooped in to kiss her!!!!!

Songhwa definitely also leaned in first before Ikjun pulled her closer. She wanted this just as much as he did and it showed through their first kiss. Gosh I’m still shaking just thinking about how perfect that entire sequence and kiss was. They really went all out for it (yes I believe there was tongue involved) rather than soft and gentle. 22 years of suppressed yearning and feelings really popped out in that kiss alone and I am so blessed to have been a part of their beautiful journey.

And now, with only one episode left, we are finally able to see IkSong as a couple and on dates. I have a feeling Songhwa would be the clingy gf man, judging from the Preview keke. I cannot wait to see the rest of the boys finding out, and for sure, I cannot wait to see how their dynamics would change now as lovers rather than just best friends. I do think their transition would be seamless, only that now, they get to do what other lovers could.

This post is so long but I felt the need to address another matter that I have seen roaming around the internet. Apparently, some people are annoyed that Songhwa was ‘forced to change her mind’ and that we cannot accept her ‘No’ in ep 1. I would humbly and respectfully disagree on this point. Songhwa’s ‘No’ in ep 1 was not a “I don’t like you therefore I am rejecting you”. It was more of a “I do not know how to sort out my feelings yet, and am not ready to revisit the past, so it is best not to tamper with it”. 

Songhwa did not change her mind overnight or weeks. It took her one year and a few months. She has had all that time to weighs her decisions again and properly thought out how she wanted to bring forward her relationship with Ikjun. She was not forced.

She may have said that she liked being single in S1, but she has never been averse to love. In fact, she is always encouraging other people to go for it. I for one, am single and absolutely enjoying it. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to ever change my mind if I find someone worthy enough to share my space and happiness with. I like being single now because guys around me are idiots and I’d rather save myself that headache LOL.

Her conscious decision to accept Ikjun now does not and will never invalidate her decision to reject him back then - in fact, it goes to show that as human beings, we constantly undergo character growth and our minds are often changed to suit the present circumstances. 

ShinLee did not portray Songhwa in that light where ‘women needs to say yes if a guy treats her right’. Ikjun did all of those things for her without expecting anything in return. He never once crossed the line and never once forced Songhwa into accepting his love for her. Songhwa said yes because she likes Ikjun and is now ready to move their relationship to that of romantic. It is as simple as that.

And one last point to make is that Songhwa being in a relationship does not in any way invalidate that she is a strong and independent woman. Please do not associate the relationship status of a woman to her being ‘strong/independent’. A woman in a relationship and a woman not being a relationship are still BOTH strong AND independent. Love is a universal element in life, why deprive a person of it simply because she’s portrayed to be a “strong” female character? If that love brings her greater joy and ardent happiness, why stop her from enriching her life further?

Anyway. I digress. 

If you made it until the end of this ridiculously long post, thank you. I hope it was an enjoyable read! Till Ep 12!

[jayeray-hq]

How He Shows You Affection: Tsukishima Kei

Post Time Skip/Manga Spoilers!

Warnings: None All Fluff!

How He Shows You Affection Master List - Character Masterlist

This was requested by an anon who asked for both Tsukishima and Kita Shinsuke! I hope you like it anon. I have to admit I’m not the biggest fan of Tsukishima, but I hope I did him justice! 😭🥺, also huge thank you to @haikyuu-addict​ for beta reading for me you’re amazing!

He Teases You

You grimaced slightly as you stared up at the mug on the highest shelf of the cabinet pushed all the way to the back. It was going to be an incredible hassle to reach it, and a part of you wondered briefly if it would even be worth it to try. After all you had plenty of other mugs in your kitchen. It was just, that happened to be your favorite mug, it had actually been a gag gift from your boyfriend, and read ‘you’re my favorite pain in the ass’ written in his neat precise calligraphy.

However, to his shock you actually loved the mug, mostly because it was the absolute perfect size to make your favorite hot beverage in, something he’d later been smugly satisfied about as if that had been the intention all along even if you both knew it wasn’t. You’d been craving your favorite drink all day, and had been set to make yourself a nice hot cup when you’d gotten home from work, only to open up the cabinets and find your mug completely out of reach.

             Staring at it you had to wonder if he’d done it on purpose. It was honestly a toss-up with Tsukishima, sometimes he did things like this just because he thought it was funny to watch you struggle, and other times he just genuinely forgot that if he put things on the very top shelves you wouldn’t be able to reach without some form of aid. Usually you’d simply ask him to get it for you, even if he would spend a good deal of time teasing you about it, he never actually said no, and you’d learned to put up with the teasing after years of knowing him and being in a relationship with him.

             Unfortunately, Tsukishima wasn’t home yet, still at practice with the Sendai Frogs, which meant you were on your own. You considered going to get the step stool that was tucked away neatly in the hall closet, which was for these exact kinds of situations, but in the end decided you were too lazy to walk over and get it and decided to climb up on to the counter instead.

             You were a bit precariously balanced, but you figured it would be fine as you leaned into the cupboard, your fingers scrabbling for the handle of the mug that was just barely out of your reach.

             “Oya what’s this?”

             You’d been so caught up in your quest that you hadn’t heard the door open or you boyfriend’s arrival into the kitchen. His words startled you enough to make you jolt slightly, making you lose your balance a bit, one of your arms pinwheeling to keep you from slipping backwards off the counter. Luckily Tsukishima had always had incredibly quick reflexes, and he immediately stepped forward, his hands finding your waist and steadying you easily.

             “Clumsy,” he scolded, clear disapproval on his face as he gently tugged you backwards and helped you set your feet firmly back on to the floor, “Just what are you trying to do shortcake?”

             “I was trying to get my mug,” you told him with a huff, even as some of the annoyance you felt for him startling you faded away with the familiar nickname, one that was part teasing you for being shorter than him, and another part fondness after his favorite food, though it didn’t keep you from pouting at him as you explained, “Someone put it up where I can’t reach it.”

             “Oh?” he asked a teasing grin curling his lips, making his golden eyes glint in amusement, as he moved over to where you had been, easily plucking the mug from its resting place without even needing to stand on his toes to reach it before turning to you and asking smugly, “You mean this mug?”

             “Yes, that mug,” you told him holding your hand out for it, fully expecting him to hand it over.

             “I don’t know if I should give it to you,” he told you with a wicked grin, “After all you nearly broke your neck trying to get it, and didn’t even greet me properly when I got home I don’t think that kind of behavior deserves a reward.”

             “Kei,” you whined at him reaching for it, only to have him hold it up out of your reach, high above your head, “I need it.”

 He didn’t relent to your whining, only smirked in clear amusement as you stood on your toes trying to reach before eventually giving up.

 “Mean,” you informed him with a huff.

 “Calling me mean,” he goaded lightly, “And after I saved you from tumbling off the counter too. Maybe you should try asking nicely instead of just trying to take it from me hmm?”

 You huffed a sigh, unable to help the slight amusement that curled your lips, well used to his teasing and with a pretty good idea of what he wanted, the same thing he always wanted when he teased you like this.

 You stepped forward into his space and wrapped your arms around his neck and tilting your face upwards. He met you partway, his lips warm and soft against your own, even as they curled upwards clearly pleased.

 “Please can I have my mug Kei?” you murmured against his lips nuzzling your nose affectionately against his.

 He heaved a sigh as if completely put out by your request, but relented, passing the mug over to you, “Alright shortcake, but only this once and only because you asked so nicely.”

 You giggled at that, both of you well aware he didn’t mean it in the slightest as you stepped away humming happily about finally being able to get the drink you craved. You made enough for the both of you, feeling warm under the amused, fond gaze of your boyfriend.

 He Flicks/Pokes You in the Forehead

             You frowned in consternation, your arms crossed across your chest as you tried to make your decision glancing back and forth between the two choices in front of you, running your fingers over the fine material, and eyeing the pretty patterns. You couldn’t make up your mind about which to buy, and couldn’t help fretting about it.

             “Ouch!” you yipped in surprise your hands automatically dropping the scarves back on to the table and coming up to press to your forehead as you shot an indignant wounded look at your boyfriend who’d just flicked you right in the center of your forehead.

             “Kei,” you whined at him unhappily gently rubbing the abused spot, “What was that for?”

             “You’re worrying too much,” he informed you bluntly, a bored drawl to his voice, “Just pick one already.”

             “I just want her to like it,” you told him with a slight pout eyeing the scarves again, “Why don’t you choose if you think it’s so easy?”

             “My mother already loves you,” he informed you with a sigh, “So she’ll love whatever you get for her, because it’s from you.”

             “Even if that’s true, I still want her to like it and be able to wear it,” you informed him obstinately, as you picked up the two pretty scarves you’d been eying again and held them out toward him, “And you could try being a little more helpful Kei, she’s your mom after all, shouldn’t you know her best? Why don’t you pick?”

             Your boyfriend heaved a sigh that was half annoyance half exasperated fondness as he looked at you and drawled, “Weren’t you the one who said you could do it without my help earlier?”

             You flushed at that. It was the truth after all, your boyfriend had been playfully teasing you earlier about getting his mother’s birthday gift for her, and purposefully wound you up to the point that you’d blurted out that you’d pick out and pay for the gift yourself and it would serve him right if you didn’t even bother to put his name on it.

             As per usual he’d been deeply amused by this, and had insisted on accompanying you to go on your expedition to find the perfect gift. Unfortunately, it had been incredibly slow going, as while you did like his mother a lot, the woman was nothing but kind and welcoming whenever you saw her, you didn’t actually know her all that well. It was only pure luck that you’d remembered she had complimented your scarf the last time you were there and had vaguely mentioned wanting something like that for her own.

             “Don’t frown so much you’ll get wrinkles,” your boyfriend told you gently poking you in the forehead, in a slightly softer version of the flick he’d used earlier. It was something he’d been doing since the two of you had started dating, gently flicking or poking your forehead whenever he needed to catch your attention or whenever he thought you were frowning too much.

             He always teased that you were going to get wrinkles, or that if you continued to try to think so hard your brain would melt out of your ears. It never failed to distract you from whatever was worrying you, or upsetting you and he knew it. It was honestly probably the whole reason he did it in the first place, his own way of showing concern and taking care of you, that was rather cute, not that you’d ever tell him that.

             “Go with the blue,” he told you tapping his finger against your forehead and pulling your from your thoughts, heaving a sigh as if incredibly put upon as he explained, “It’s her favorite color.”

             “Thanks Kei,” you told him with a grin, unable to help yourself, in the face of his affection.

             “Yeah, yeah,” he waved you off with an amused smirk, “Just don’t forget to put my name on it too.”

             You huffed a laugh at that but agreed, feeling pleased both with your gift and with your boyfriend, who really was sweet, even if he went out of his way to hide it.

 He Seeks Out Your Company

             You sighed quietly to yourself as you looked over your project. You weren’t quite finished with it yet, but you felt like you’d made good progress on it in the last hour or so. Feeling rather pleased with yourself, you stretched lazily, letting your eyes flick over the room, taking it in. You couldn’t help the small smile that tugged on your lips as you saw your boyfriend sitting in the arm chair next to you.

             He was fast asleep, his eyes closed and his head tilted back, his arms folded across his chest as he snoozed away. You could hear the faint, tinny sound of music from the headphones in his ears, clearly still playing something despite the wearer clearly no longer paying attention. It didn’t look at all comfortable, especially since he still had his glasses on, and his neck was at an odd angle resting on the back of the chair.

             You couldn’t help the warm feeling that surged through you as you looked at him though. Tsukishima was a bit of an introvert by nature, despite how confident he acted around groups of people and his slightly caustic attitude. The people he was genuinely comfortable with were fairly limited and the people whose company he actually enjoyed could be counted on his hands with fingers left over.

             You were among the privileged few whose company he not only enjoyed, but who he actively sought out. He never drew attention to it, and it was incredibly subtle, but whenever you were both home at the same time he was almost always in the same room as you. You didn’t have to be interacting at all, in fact most of the time you’d be preoccupied and would suddenly look up to find him in the vicinity, usually listening to music or reading a book.

             It wasn’t just at home either. Whenever you happened to be in the same vicinity as one another Tsukishima almost always gravitated to your side within the first five minutes of your arrival. He tended to use you, both as a shield and a bit of an excuse to not speak with anyone he found distasteful, insisting that he preferred your presence to the rest of the unwashed masses.

             It never failed to make you feel soft and utterly loved whenever he did it, though you would never actually point it out or draw attention to it, well aware it would only make him defensive and hissy. Honestly, he was a bit like a cat that way, something Yamaguchi had pointed out to you when the two of you had first started dating and you’d asked the other man for advice. He’d told you to let Tsukishima do things on his own terms, and to treat him a bit like a standoffish feline, and it hadn’t failed you yet.

             Carefully you stood up from your spot, and made your way over, well aware he was a bit of a light sleeper. He looked far more innocent in sleep that you would’ve guessed when you first met him, without the flashing golden eyes and the ever-present smirk on his face. It was a vulnerability he only showed to a trusted few and you were honored to be among them.

             Gently, you pulled his glasses from his face, folding them neatly and setting them nearby where he could easily spot them once he woke, and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. He may try to hide it, but he really did have a sweet side to him, even if he could be incredibly salty at times and you couldn’t be happier to call him your boyfriend.

[rogerslovesstark]

Love of the past

Pairing: Former Steve Rogers x fem!reader, Sharon x fem!reader 

Word Count: 1,498

WARNING: ANGST, sad Steve

Authors note: Part Two to No More Love is here! Thank you for all the love on the last post!!! You're all the best, I hope you enjoy and feedback is always recommended! 

Almost nine months had passed and you were feeling better than you did when Steve first broke your heart. You didn’t feel the burden of the love that you had for Steve. As time progressed, you realized how toxic your relationship was. How dependent you were on him.

Tomorrow was the Christmas party and you still needed to buy a gift for Sharon. Since you moved into the tower, you and Sharon had been spending more time together. You hadn’t really seen Steve unless you were in a meeting altogether.

You avoided most missions where it would only be you and Steve, wanting to avoid any awkwardness and unneeded tension. After a few months of him breaking up with you, you noticed him trying to speak to you again. You avidly avoided any conversation with him.

You walked into your closet and tried to figure out something to wear, stores would close any minute now and you had to get a last-minute present. You also planned to get lunch at the cafe near the shops. 

+++

Sharon had bought the tickets to Fiji, two of them to be exact. Sharon had fallen in love with you throughout basically living with you. You were so sweet and kind, you took care of her and made her feel welcomed and wanted in your home. 

She wanted to ask you to be hers, but she didn’t know if you were willing. She didn’t know if you were willing to be with women. Hell, Sharon didn’t even know that she had an attraction to women until one night.

You two were sleeping next to each other, your head rested on Sharon's shoulder, holding her hand in yours. Sharon ran her hand up and down your back rhythmically, you smelled like vanilla and mangoes, your hands were really cold and Sharon hated when you felt cold. It was roughly seven months since Steve had left you and you were very attached to Sharon, which Sharon secretly loved. 

Sharon lightly kissed the top of your head, you shifted slightly, placing your face closer to the crook of Sharon's neck. 

“I love you,” You murmured into her neck, bring Sharon to tears. She didn’t know if you meant it to her or to Steve but she wanted to kiss you so hard. You were everything to her and she wanted you to know that. She knew that night she was utterly in love with you, it felt like she was drowning in the love she had for you.

You finally bought her a gift, a new Dyson hair wrap, she had been telling you about it and how expensive it was and that she would just wait till it went on sale to get it. You headed over to the cafe, excited because they had your favorite sandwich. As you opened the door, you saw Tony standing in line, which was odd because knowing him he would never just wait around for food, either sending an intern or Peter to pick it up for him.

“Anthony, what the hell are you doing here?” You asked him inconspicuously, knowing he didn’t want his cover to be blown. If anyone here found out that he was Tony Stark, they would go wild, probably mobbing around him, causing him to have an anxiety attack which wouldn’t be preferred right now.

“Shut the fuck up, Y/n, stand next to me, they have good Philly cheesesteaks, I’ll pay,” He whispered, you chuckled and stood next to him, not objecting to the billionaire paying for your sandwich. 

“I haven’t seen you around lately N/n, where’ve you been?” He asked you. Tony genuinely missed having you around, he knew that you and Steve weren’t together anymore, but he didn’t know why or what had happened to cause the relationship to end.

“Oh, I’ve been around, you’ve just been busy with Steve, and I particularly don’t want to see him,”

“Why not?

“Tony, he cheated on me in Bolivia, he broke my heart for a woman who died, I can’t be with someone like that,” You whispered harshly, upset that Tony would even ask you why like he didn’t know.

“I didn’t know, Steve never told us, he just said you two were going through a hard time right now, he never said that he cheated on you, N/n,” Tony said, placing a soft hand on your shoulder. What the hell did Steve think when he cheated on someone as amazing as you. 

“It’s alright Tony, I don’t need someone like that in my life, I loved him but he didn’t need me anymore, so I learned to love myself.”

+++

Steve had gotten ready early, nervous to go because he knew you would be there. He wore his best suit, one that had picked out for him when you two were still together. It was a navy blue suit with extremely thin light gray stripes, you told him it made his eyes look bluer.

He put on the cologne you had brought for him for his birthday last year, it was a small present because it was right before he left for Bolivia, right before he made one of the worst mistakes of his life.

He wore the watch you had bought him for your third anniversary.

He wore everything you knew you loved because he wanted you to love him again, like before. He wanted you to love him like you used to like you would drop everything in the world for him, you used to love him like that.

Steve stood in the corner of the room, just standing around awkwardly. After he left you, he began to become more socially awkward. You always made him feel comfortable in intense situations. Steve knew it was a mistake leaving you. 

The moment he realized it was a mistake was during a meeting, you walked in late and Steve’s hair on the back of his neck rose and he got goosebumps along his arms and back. 

He quickly ran a hand through his hair, sitting straighter. He had left the seat open for you unconsciously, and you walked into the room, his heart started beating faster as you approached him. 

The disappointment he felt when you passed right by him like he meant nothing to you as nothing had happened between you two. You had sat next to Bruce, and Steve felt the tears behind his eyes. 

It was almost four months since he left you and he wanted nothing more than to hug you so tightly. To kiss you like he used to. He missed the feeling of your body against his, to sounds you used to make underneath him. 

It only took him three weeks to realize the mistake he made, telling you he didn’t love you anymore. He ‘loved’ Janet but not the way he loved you, the love he had for you burned like a million stars in the endless void of life. 

He quickly left after the meeting had ended, running to his room and taking the sweater you used to wear when you would sleep in his room, and holding it close to his face, taking in your scent because he hadn’t in such a long time.

It hit him like a truck, the amount of love he held back from you, all bottled up inside him, ready to explode. 

You walked into the room, in a red dress wrapped around your figure. You looked stunning, so fucking pretty Steve wanted to cry because he didn’t know if you still loved him the way you used to.

You walked towards Sharon, and Sharon pulled you into the hallway. Steve trailed behind, wanting to actually talk to you. To finally hear you address him, even if it was with malice, would be better than to not hear you at all.

You laughed at something Sharon had said, and it warmed Steve’s heart to the core. Hearing your sweet laughter, even if it wasn’t caused by him, made him so happy. 

You two had stopped in front of the large window pane, Sharon placed her hand on your neck, pulling you close to her and placing a sweet kiss on your lips. Steve’s whole world crumbled in front of him. You were with Sharon now apparently.

He had lost you, officially. And it was no one's fault but his own. You placed your hands on her cheeks, kissing her and finally feeling a weight being lifted off her shoulders.

Steve backed away slowly and left the party entirely, taking his car to his old apartment.

+++

Steve laid in his bed, holding the only sweater you had left behind close to his chest. Your scent kept him slightly sane, keeping him from spiraling. He had lost you, and now there was nothing left that he could do. He just has to live with the fact that he lost the love of his life, on his own accord.

taglist: @sourpatchspinster​ @what-is-your-wish  @muralskins @iheartsebandchris @captainson-of-coul @essyballet @randomsevans @sarcasticallywitty15 @the-soulofdevil​  @groovyfluxie @harryshairclipp 

[dracosaurusrex]

Bookworms (Draco x Reader)

Summary: Where Y/N and Draco discover that there’s much more to each other than what meets the eye.

Word Count: 11k

Genre: Fluff (slight angst in the beginning); enemies-to-friends-to-lovers ; No Voldy AU

TW: Self-harm but it’s not too much.

A/N: Hi friends! I want to say that I don’t really know where I was going with this, but that would be a lie. So a couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine (we’ll name her @minty-malfoy​) posted a tag thread and one of her responses involved her wanting to own a bookshop. It got me thinking of a bookshop romance and ugh YES. With dark academia, how could I not? Fast forward to last week, I ask her for a favor without realizing it was her birthday, and I felt so embarrassed LOL. So, yes, this is your gift my friend. I hope you enjoy it. Keep shining like the light you are!

Besides that, I genuinely hope that if you come across this, you enjoy this big chunggus of a oneshot. I apologize if it’s slow at some parts. I also didn’t proofread the end. I should probably shut up now before I start questioning my writing omll

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Written in pages bound by leather covers are worlds that bring you out of your own. An adventure. An escape. Within that escape sprouts myriads of emotions and thoughts, but what you value the most amongst them all are its gifts of perspective and solace. 

Y/N Y/L/N lived the majority of her life with her mother. Her father, who was an auror, passed when she was young, leaving them to surmount the challenges of the world alone. Together, they owned a decent bookshop in Hogsmeade. Its shelves lined the walls, occupying the entire expanse from the floor up to the ceiling. Within them were books of varying genres, filling your senses with the soothing aromas of old parchment, sounds of turning pages, and the feeling of warmth and coziness. To others, this little shop was known as Avenoir Books. However, you knew it as home, your safe space, your comfort zone. 

Your mother was the one responsible for introducing you to your love for reading. Growing up, you’d recall the sound of her voice as she read to you--the way that it cradled you with reassurance when times got rough. She always managed to disguise her worries, yet in moments when she thought she was alone, you had witnessed her at her lowest points. It was only within your knowledge that you knew life was difficult, for your mother would shield you from the problems that reality had actually  presented to you. She carried the weight of both your worlds on her shoulders, giving you protection by surrounding you with new ones to step into as you sat yourself in the confines of your cozy shop. It was because of her that reading became your refuge, and it remained so when you went away for school at Hogwarts.

Your mother’s resilience fueled your desire to become strong, to become great, to create a new life where you wouldn’t have to see her cry in secret. She was the reason you had been sorted into the Slytherin house in your first year, and she was also the reason why you’d been so successful within your 4 years of schooling by far. 

You were a quiet Slytherin, mostly keeping to yourself while observing those around you. The most interesting and exasperating individual of the entire student body was a proud and arrogant boy, Draco Malfoy. He had never picked on you, but there were countless times you had witnessed his relentlessness with others, especially with the Golden Trio. Each and every instance increased your despise for him, furthermore deepening your ardent desire to keep your distance. However, it seemed that the universe had other plans for you today.

Weekdays kept you immersed in bulky textbooks--notes constantly jotted down through endless heaps of parchment. On weekends, however, you swapped your robes for a work apron, helping your mother around the shop. She’d situate herself by the counter and typically manned the ground level, while you’d be propped on a sliding ladder, managing books that sat on shelves higher up. You had a system in Avenoir Books. Customers would typically roam about the main floor, which was occupied by books from famous publishers and authors. However, for books that were more obscure or specialized, customers would head to the counter and gain consultation from your mother. In return, she’d direct them to you, prompting you to slide amongst the shelves in search for the requested titles, genres, or authors.

The store typically had a steady flow of people passing through. You have come across many different personalities and backgrounds throughout your life. Today was quite different, however. The bustling noises slowly died down upon the entrance of a pair of notorious figures, the air suddenly becoming tense. There stood Lucius Malfoy. His chin was pointed up, platinum locks flowing over his shoulders, walking stick in hand, his eyes scanning the shop with a pompous expression on his face. Standing to his side was Draco. He maintained the same look as his father, which soon featured a scowl as it managed to grace his face. 

You heard the older man mutter, “Let’s get this over with, Draco.”

The two made their way through the vicinity as gazes were trained on them. Even you stopped what you were doing to observe their actions. Lucius approached your mother, who gave much effort to keep a welcoming smile plastered on her lips.

“Mr. Malfoy, what brings you the pleasure of stopping by?” Her tone was sweet and quite inviting, although it didn’t do much to shift the man’s attitude.

“You have quite the selection here at Avenoir--I’m impressed.” His tone on the other hand was laced with a tinge of venom and arrogance. Lucius' eyes kept trained on the expanses of shelves until they landed on you. 

“I assume that’s your daughter, Y/N? Draco’s told me much about her.” You couldn’t decipher whether he meant well, moreover what Draco could’ve possibly said about you to his father. You weren’t aware that the boy even knew of your existence since all you did was keep away from him at all costs. 

Your mother responds, “Yes, she’s a fifth year at Hogwarts. I assume your son’s the same?”

“You’re not wrong. Although, that’s not what I’m here for…” As Lucius continues his consultation with your mother, Draco takes the liberty to browse through the various genres of books featured on the ground floor. You don’t move from your position, rather you keep your gaze on him, observing his reactions. He picks up a familiar script. It’s a muggle book entitled, The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa. You witness him flip through the first couple of pages before focusing in on the first chapter. Slowly, you see the scowl begin to leave his face--the tension between his eyebrows dissipates, his lips release the frown that had situated itself there, and his eyes take on a more solemn and concentrated expression. It contrasted greatly to the image he maintained at school. You realized then that when he wasn’t so obnoxious and loud, Draco was actually quite handsome. 

“Draco, drop that filthy muggle book!” You weren’t aware of Lucius approaching until the snake embellishment that topped his walking stick violently landed on the boy’s shoulder. You saw him wince in pain as he dropped the book, rubbing the area to soothe the harsh sensation. Before you could react, your mother calls out to you. 

“Y/N, Alchemy, Argo Pyrites.” You broke out from your daze and simply nodded in understanding. The duo now had their eyes on you as you charmed the ladder to take you to the location of the book. You actively scanned the spines for the targeted title, releasing a small “aha” when you find it. Once it’s in your hands, you blow off traces of dust and ensure that the book is in mint condition. It doesn’t take you long to make your way down. As you do so, you approach Lucius and lend the book over. He takes his time to check for any disparities before meeting your gaze once again.

“Y/N is it? Pleasure to meet you.” His tone was anything but kind, but you go along with it, doing your best to maintain courtesy.

“Pleasure’s all mine Mr. Malfoy. It’s very kind of you to stop by.” 

“Certainly. Draco, say goodbye to your friend, let’s get going.” Draco looks at you from top to bottom before releasing a smirk. With a quick raise of his eyebrows, he turns around and follows his father out of the shop. You watch their figures disappear into the crowd before making your way to your mother.

“Draco seems like a nice boy, doesn’t he?” You scoff and cross your arms in disagreement.

“Oh please. ‘Nice’ is the last thing he’ll ever be.” She gives you a knowing gaze. 

“Did you see how his father hit his shoulder? Even I was shocked. That poor boy never saw it coming.” You recall the pained expression that Draco had on his face. You supposed his parents imposed their pureblood supremacist ideals on the boy’s choice of interests as well.

“It’s not like he doesn’t deserve the pity, mother. You should see him at school. Obnoxious! Rude! Arrogant! He bullies others mercilessly!” You expected her face to contort in disgust and disappointment, but she only gave that familiar motherly smile.

“We can’t always assume the extent of a person’s character based on what they show, darling. Similar to how we should not judge a book by its cover.” She emphasized the last point knowing that you would understand. You could never fight your mother. Despite the difficulty of getting to where you were in life, she always embodied grace and wisdom through it all. 

She spoke again, “Did you happen to see the book he was reading?”

“It was The Memory Police.” You couldn’t understand why she asked. She approached the book that Draco had dropped and picked it up. When she returned, she looked at you expectantly.

“You’re going to see him again this Monday, are you not?” You nodded, “I want you to give this to him.” Your eyes widened.

“Mother, I couldn’t possibly-”

“No excuses, Y/N! A kind gesture never hurt anyone.” Her tone softens, and you knew you couldn’t say no. 

“The look he had on his face reminded me of you when you were younger. Do you remember?” You only sighed, remembering the relief you felt when you cozied up to a book. She continued, “He seemed more peaceful having a little bit of time to escape don’t you think?” Your shoulders, which were once tense, dropped. 

You groaned, “Fine! I’ll do it.” Mother, 1, Y/N, 0.

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Throughout the remainder of the weekend, you thought of ways you could slip the book to the platinum-haired boy without having to actually confront him. You couldn’t understand why your mother wanted to reach out to him so bad. Never in your entire life have you seen her extend that much sympathy to a customer before. Ever! That boy is a git. A rich one at that! Everything was practically given to him on a silver plate. Why would he care so much about a measly book?

These questions roamed through your mind as you packed your school bag the following Monday morning. The book was settled on top of your desk, staring and waiting for you to pick it up. With dread, you reluctantly take it and place it into your bag. With one last look in the mirror, you grab your things and make your way to the Great Hall for breakfast. As you enter the massive room, you take a seat by yourself in the Slytherin table. You took a glance to find a familiar blonde mop of hair. All of his friends were there in their usual spot with him being the only one absent, which was weird because he never skipped breakfast. Wanting to get your mom’s task over with, you approach the group. They were chattering amongst themselves, not noticing your presence.

You cleared your throat, grabbing their attention, “Um, hey. Do you happen to know where Malfoy is?” They only looked at you in awe.

“The famous Y/N actually speaks? Didn’t think I’d ever hear a word come out of you.” The girl, Pansy, pointed out. You rolled your eyes.

Another girl, Daphne, kicked the prior’s ankle, eliciting a loud yelp from her. She spoke out, “I’m sorry Y/N. He said he’s not feeling too well, so he’s cooped up in the dorm.” You appreciated the softness of her voice in contrast to Pansy’s strong tone.

“Why do you ask? You never talk to him.” It was Blaise’s turn to chime in.

“I have some business with him.” You stood there, feeling the awkwardness creeping up. Your fingers were twirling the ends of your hair and you casted your gaze elsewhere. They just stared at you, still comprehending the sound of your voice.

“Well?” You asked. 

“Ah, yes. He’s in dorm 7.” You nodded your head in appreciation and turned around to leave. You had about an hour before class, giving you ample time to make the delivery and go about with your day. At least that was what you thought.

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Once you enter the Slytherin common room, you make a turn towards the boys’ dormitories. As you take the stairs leading to it, you’re met with a corridor that takes a close resemblance to the girls’. Doors were lined on either side with numbers used to differentiate them--Draco’s room was located all the way down the hall. Oddly enough, the closer you approached it, the more nervous you felt. You never imagined yourself stepping into this part of the dungeons, moreover doing so to drop something off for a boy you despised. You yelled at your mom internally for putting you through this.

The distance between you and the door kept shrinking, and as you drew closer, you began to feel strange. Something was off. The uncertainty looming in the air grew thicker until you finally found yourself standing in front of the room. Before knocking, you press your ear against the entrance. There was complete silence. You also notice that the door was not closed all the way. The animosity you felt towards the boy was gradually replaced with worry and concern. 

“Malfoy? Are you in there?” You ask hesitantly. There was no response.

“Draco?” You press your ear further into the door in hopes to pick up any sign of his presence. When you received none, you pushed forward, entering the room with caution. You were met with the sight of a half-made bed, Draco’s robes and uniform laid out on top. His desk still had books turned to different pages, accompanied with an open ink bottle and quill left upon pieces of parchment. All these things, yet still no signs of the Malfoy heir. You stood in your place for a moment, trying to concentrate on his whereabouts. However, your thoughts were interrupted by the subtle sounds of sniffles. Your eyes widened as your focus redirected to locating its source. It was then that you noticed another door leading to what you believed was the bathroom. The noises became more prominent as you walked towards it. You felt nervous and uncertain about what you were going to find. As you wrap your hand around the knob to open it, your eyes widened at the sight of the boy grabbing his wrist, which was dripping with blood. On his side was a razor blade. 

You gasped as his eyes met yours, your heart breaking in the process. In front of you wasn’t the same bully everyone knew. No. In front of you laid a half-naked Draco whose eyes were filled with what seemed to be hopelessness, defeat, and fright. Tear stains stroke his cheeks, his eyebrows furrowed with pain. His hair stuck to his forehead as sweat accompanied his tears. The hand gripping his wrist was stained with blood, its pressure only forcing the flow to increase. 

“Draco!” You didn’t know what overcame you in that instance. You frantically threw your bag off your shoulders and proceeded to kneel next to him, taking in his wounded arm. The boy retaliated.

“What do you think you’re doing!?” His voice was defensive and strained, but it didn’t faze you.

“I’m trying to save your sorry arse! Look at how much blood you’re losing. Merlin!” You returned a gaze that matched the intensity of his. The concern in your own tone heightened as you dug into the pockets of your robes in search of your wand.

“I don’t want to be saved! Don’t you get it? Leave me alone!” He wriggled in your grasp, only inducing you to tighten the grip you had on him. He gasped at the stinging sensation, tears streaming down his face. Tears began to fill the brim of your eyes. 

“Stop spewing nonsense, Malfoy! I can’t leave you and I won’t!” The pained expression on your face caught his gaze. Tears had already spilled over. “Please, Draco. Let me heal you.” The boy stopped his protests upon hearing the desperation that was laced in your voice. You used the back of your hand that was gripping your wand to wipe the tears off of your face. After calming yourself down, you hover your hand over his gashes to perform the healing spell, a serious expression now spreading across your face. 

“Vulnera sanentur.” His blood begins to retract back to its origin, the rate of its flow slowing down.

“Vulnera sanentur.” Your wand continues to trace Draco’s wounds. The traces of residue begin to disappear. Draco looks at your concentrated face and then turns his gaze back onto his wrists.

You perform the incantation for a final time, “Vulnera sanentur.” The cuts disappear completely and you let out a sigh of relief. You cast a look at Draco’s stunned face before scanning his shirtless torso. It was also filled with scars that were most likely left to heal on their own. The frown on your face grows as a rush of thoughts suddenly occupy your mind. How long has he been doing this to have this many cuts and scars? Draco, behind his arrogant mask, was alone. You didn’t need him to vocalize that fact for you. It was written across his face. The expression glossed over his eyes longed for the company that he never truly had. 

In that instant, you knew your mother was right. You really can’t assume the extent of a person’s character based on what they showed.

“Would it be okay if I took care of you for a bit? I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone like this.” Your voice was soft as you released small hiccups signalling the end of your crying. Draco, who has no energy to object, simply nods. Your thoughts drift to your mother and how she was strong enough to carry both your burdens. As you recalled the love she gave you, the sour feelings that you had towards the boy faded. At that moment your only task of importance was to clean him up.

It was silent the entire time. You picked Draco up and propped him up onto a stool. He did nothing but keep his gaze on you as you walked to and fro in the bathroom. You took a face towel that was hanging on the side of the sink and wet it with cold water. You then wring the towel of excess water and wiped his face. The streaks that the tears made disappeared. You proceeded to his forehead, getting rid of the sweat and pushing his bangs upwards. You then began to wipe his neck, making sure that there was a comfortable distance between you two.

“Chin up.” You demanded. He obeyed, and you wiped over the expanse between both jaws, his throat, and down to his collar bones. You yelled at yourself mentally to focus on the action instead of the curves and crevices outlined by his skin. Luckily, you were able to keep a straight face, making no sign of being flustered whatsoever. You step back to wet the towel again before proceeding to wiping his shoulders. At this point, you began feeling warmth spreading across your face. Draco let out a small laugh.

“Like what you see?” He asks with a broken voice. You snickered at the way he managed to be funny at a time like this.

“I’m only being nice, Malfoy. Don’t let your head get big. Not that it hasn’t already.” You say, giving a coy smile. You gulp discretely as you make your way down his chest. His eyes never leave you. You purposefully wipe that area much faster to prevent you from blushing even more. Once you get to his wrists, you rub circles on the area where the cuts used to be before running the towel over it and to his hands.

“How do you feel?” You ask.

“Better.”

“Good. Cup your hands for me please.” He follows your instruction once again. “Aguamenti.” A stream of water flows from the tip of your wand and into his palms.

“Drink up.” He remains obedient. Once he finishes, you pour in water once again, having him repeat the act. You feel at ease as he gulps the water down. His body still looks limp, and his face still gaunt, but it was a huge improvement considering the state he was in when you walked in. 

Your gaze settles on the floor and the stray blade, both covered in dried blood. “Tergeo.” You mutter, cleaning up the mess.  

You point your wand to the blade, “Evanesco.” It disappears in an instant. You turn back to Draco. You wrap your arm around his torso and bring him close to you to help him maintain his balance as you step out of the bathroom.

“Where do you keep your sleepwear?” You ask. He points to the cabinet, and you go forth to take out a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. You hand him the articles of clothing and turn around to leave him to change. 

He laughs, “You’re silly you know? You’ve already seen me half-naked, yet you turn around.�� You only shrug and chuckle before turning around to meet his gaze. He leans on the side of the bed, arms crossed.

“I have yet to ask, Y/N. What brought you here in the first place?” You were so absorbed in healing and cleaning Draco that your initial purpose for coming over flew past your mind.

“Oh yes,” You pick up your bag that laid on the floor, and rummaged through it before pulling out his copy of The Memory Police. 

“Mother saw how peaceful you looked when reading this book at the shop. She heavily insisted that I bring it to you, saying that you can use an escape too.” You lean on the space beside him as you hand him the book. His eyes widened as he cautiously took the book out of your hands, as if his father would appear right this instant. He scanned the cover, and flipped through the pages, his eyes glossed with disbelief. The sight of him like this made you imagine how much of his life had been kept in a cage. Wealth did not serve as a basis for happiness. You could only guess how much expectations were held for the Malfoy heir.

“My father would object to me having this.” You nodded in understanding, rubbing his shoulder to comfort him. He looks up at you.

“I won’t push you to tell me the reasons why you decided to harm yourself, but I’m certain that you need a break from whatever bothered you in the first place. Please, keep it. My mother will nag me without end if I don't deliver it.” He smiles.

“Thank you. I mean it.” Your jaw dropped. He rolled his eyes.

“Draco Malfoy actually knows how to say ‘thank you’.” You say, mocking a look of disbelief. He scoffed and his scowl reappeared in an instant. 

You raised your arms in defense, “What? You can’t blame me.” You both share a laugh before silence overtakes you once again. Your head faced downward, and you kept your sights on your shoes.

“Thank you for letting me take care of you. It frightened me to see you like that.” You fumbled with your fingers.

“It’s a miracle that you came, Y/N. I don’t think I’d be able to stop myself if you hadn’t yourself.” You smiled. You were appalled with the fact that there was a soft side to the boy. You looked at him, remembering the comfort that you found in your mother’s love through books. In that moment, an idea sprung forth in your mind.

“Ever since I was young, it was only me and my mother. Father passed when I was 2, and we were left alone to face the world.” You looked at him to find that his attention was on you. You continued, “There were plenty of times I felt hopeless and scared, but it was the comfort of her voice that washed that feeling away. She’d stay by my side at night to read me books, and she always managed to take me to worlds that detached me from the reality that we lived in. She told me that Avenoir, besides it being a bookstore, was established to become my safe space, my comfort zone, my refuge, if you will. She’s why I love reading.” You took Draco’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

“And I want to extend that to you. Please feel free to come by whenever okay? We’ve never been that close, and you have been pretty gittish, but no one deserves to feel alone.” You gave the boy a reassuring smile. 

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Draco gazed at his hand, which was still squeezed in yours. He then shifted his view back to the smile on your face. Y/N Y/L/N, the most reserved and studious Slytherin in their year, surely had a lot to say, but it was surprisingly the most relief he has felt in a long while, if ever. She gave his shoulder a little squeeze before picking up her belongings from the floor. Before she left his dorm she faced him once more.

“Will you be okay on your own?” She asks. Draco nods and gives his signature eyebrow raise. She chuckles.

“If you need anything, I’ll be in my dorm. I don’t plan on going to class today.” As he watches her leave, he notices the warmth that spreads over his chest. He brushes it off before flopping on his bed and immersing himself into the world of the Memory Police. For once in his life, he manages to escape the burdens of his family name. He escapes the burdensome fear of being considered a let-down to his parents. He escapes the rabbit hole of expectations, worries, pressures--the need to be “perfect” Draco. He finds an escape from the reputation that he upholds through you. Furthermore, he finds himself desiring more of your company. Because of this, he moves from his bed, with his book in hand, and strides into the girls’ dormitories. He never got her room number, but when he sees an open door, he automatically assumes that it’s her inside. Without thinking, he barges at the sight of her stunned face. 

“Draco? What’s the matter?” The boy takes a good look at Y/N’s space. Her bed is made neatly and is stationed against the farmost wall in front of a large window. Her table is positioned at the end of her bed. There were a number of small bookcases that cover a majority of the perimeter of the room. It’s cozy.

He takes a moment to compose himself. “Is it alright if I can stay with you? Just a little longer?” The girl gives him a confused look, but agrees nevertheless. 

“Sure, close the door.” He does as she says, and looks around. Her dorm truly reflected her personality. Her words break him out of his daze.

“You can sit on the bed if you’d like.” As he gets himself situated, he observes her. Y/N was known for her hardworking nature, and mostly stayed away from socialization because of it. In that regard, she never really had much to say unless she was answering a question during lectures. She doesn’t say much once he’s situated. Instead, she quietly turns back to her desk to focus on her note taking, actively highlighting important bits of information from her books. Draco was amazed to say the least.

“Y/N, why is it that you study so much?” He asks. Her gaze remains rooted to her work as she finished writing up the last sentence before gazing up at him. She grins.

“I’m working hard, so I can earn enough to give my mother a better life.” She says simply.

“Is the life you have right now not enough?” He doesn’t mean to come off as ignorant or insensitive, but he asks out of pure curiosity. Y/N only rubs her chin to think of a proper response.

“Don’t get me wrong, we’re both happy. I just suppose it would be nice to know that she wouldn’t have to worry about her resources. Life was always uncertain before opening Avenoir. I remember how she would hide away to cry so I wouldn’t see her tears. I felt helpless and I couldn’t do anything about it. I hate being weak because of that.” Draco simply gawked at her. The availability of resources has never been an issue for him; it felt like a slap on the face seeing how hard Y/N worked for that level of accessibility.

“I feel like a lot of people have been gawking at me today. Stop it.” You chuckled as you scratched the back of your neck, recalling the reactions of his friend group as you held a conversation with them.

“You’re surely something else, Y/L/N. That’s all.” Y/N only smiled as she removed herself from her desk. She pulled a random book from one of her shelves and sat herself next to Draco. Together they get lost within their own worlds.

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There was a mutual feeling of friendship that emerged between you and Draco. However, the both of you never bothered to make it obvious in the presence of others. Actions so far were limited to discrete nods towards each other in the hallways. Nevertheless, you were content. You didn’t see him constantly, but you heard people talk about him and how he hasn’t been teasing or picking fights with students as much as he did in the week prior. It was a change you were surprised with, but one that you were pleased to hear about regardless. Besides that, you still kept yourself to your own tasks throughout the remainder of the week. It was a set cycle, which involved going to lecture and studying within the confines of your room. Although, you had to admit that you enjoyed the blonde’s presence, and secretly wished that you’d spend more time together.

The weekend arrived, which meant you’d resume your work at the bookshop. The day flew by fast. Customers came bustling in by the hour that you never had much time to talk to your mother while you were working. As you waited for demands to trickle in, you occupied yourself with another book, The Happy Prince by Oscar Wilde. It was a pleasant book about selflessness, however you found your mind drifting off often. When you weren’t reading, you kept your eyes peeled for the entrance, hoping that a certain boy would come in. However, no sign of the Malfoy heir showed as hours passed. Your hopes soon depleted. Giving up on the chances of him coming, you resumed your reading. 

It must’ve been about 20 minutes after 3 o’clock when your mother calls you from the counter. You heeded her request and made your way down the ladder. Behind her are large boxes filled with new books that were to be stored on the higher shelves. As you drag them to the base of the ladder, your back bumps into something hard. 

“I’m so sorry! Are you al-” As you turn to identify the person you collided with, your eyes widened at the sight of Draco. Your heart skips a beat as you scan his appearance. He sported a black turtleneck that fitted securely around his torso, which was paired with dark plaid pants, and black leather chelsea boots. Rings adorned his fingers, and his platinum locks are slightly disheveled from the wind. He looked delicious rather expensive. 

Draco was just as shocked when he realizes that it’s you he bumps into. You weren’t wearing anything fancy as he was--just a simple white shirt, straight jeans that ended just above your ankles, faded white sneakers, which was all adorned by the work apron that wrapped around your waist. Your hair was tied into a loose bun that settled at the nape of your neck with some stray strands framed around your face. It contrasted to your typical appearance at school. He preferred you in casual wear much more than in uniform, but he wasn’t going to admit that.

You straighten your posture, “Hey! What brings you here?” The boy in front of you rubs the back of his neck bashfully.

“I just wanted to spend time here. You offered on Monday.” His timidness made you smile. 

“You’re definitely welcome to stay-” You were interrupted by your mother’s gleeful shout.

“Draco! It’s so nice to see you! Please do make yourself comfortable. I assume Y/N delivered the book safely?” You rolled your eyes and let out a groan.

“Yes, mother. I did.” She only laughs in response. “I extended an offer to have him hang around if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all! Would you like some tea, dear?” The warm welcome fills the boy’s heart.

He gives a polite nod, “That would be lovely, thank you.” He looks to you with amusement plastering his facial features. 

“Would you like some help?” The smile that you give to him in response makes his heart flutter. 

“I’ll be okay. Like what mother said, please make yourself comfortable.” You reassured him, before urging him to follow you to the back of the shop. Past the counter is a corridor that leads to a small outdoor patio. Fairy lights are strung on the edges of the fence that borders the space, and a table for two is set near the entrance that goes back into the store. As the sun begins to set, the small set up becomes even more charming.

“It’s not much, but this is us.” Your arms spread as you step towards the center of the patio. Draco looks around and then back at you.

“It’s lovely.” He states with a happy grin stretched across his lips. The space doesn’t hold the same grandeur as his manor, but within the small and cozy confines, he feels safe and content.

“I’m glad to hear that. Take a seat! I still have work to do, but I’ll be clocking out soon. Stay as long as you’d like!” The joy in your voice doesn’t go unnoticed. It’s quite difficult to suppress the emotions after the anticipation that has built up throughout the day. With your spirits lifted, you return to work. The load of the boxes don’t seem as heavy as they used to.

Draco sits around in silence for a bit with his hands clasped together. The thought of being within your personal space makes his knees bounce up and down as he waits for his tea. Wanting to release his nerves, he explores the compound a bit more. He steps into the corridor, taking notice of the way it’s decorated. Pictures of you and your mother grace the walls. The sight urges him to look out in the front of the shop. He catches you piling books in your arms before making your way up the ladder. In doing so, he takes note of your focused face, the furrowing of your eyebrows, and the slight parting of your lips. Your eyes blazed in determination, sparking that particular warmth in his chest again. Draco tore his gaze from you and redirected it to the photos mounted on the wall. One that caught his interest was of you on your mothers back. Your small arms were wrapped tightly around her shoulders as your small face peered over her with a small toothy grin. He notices the light in your eyes. It had remained the same ever since. He stares at the photos for a couple of minutes.

“You found our pictures!” Your mother comes up from behind him, startling him slightly. She responds to his reaction with a hearty chuckle as she worms her way through the corridor, Draco following closely behind her. They sit across from each other, and the boy watches her as she sets a cup before him. She takes the tea pot and pours the liquid carefully.

“How do you like your tea, dear?” She asks.

“Slight cream, no sugar, Mrs. Y/L/N” Your mother looks at the boy. His shoulders are stiff and he’s tense all over. His hands look clammy. Basically, Draco looks nervous.

“I don’t bite. Don’t worry, love. Relax.” She gives the boy’s hand a reassuring squeeze. It was much similar to the feel of yours. He relaxes a little bit, adding cream to his drink.

“Y/N speaks very highly of you.” He states a matter-of-factly.

“Is that so?” A smile appears, “How’s my daughter at school?”

“She’s a really hard worker. Everyone knows her for her intelligence, but she is rather quiet. Much different than the way she acts here. She is so vibrant.”

Draco takes notice of the surprised look in your mother’s eyes, “Oh my dear, if I’m being truthful to you, it’s been so long since I’ve last seen her vibrant side shine through. She’s more demure in character. It’s not common for her to act that way.” Draco didn’t completely understand why, but hearing those words made his heart skip beats. He didn’t respond for a bit, allowing her words to sink in. Out of nowhere, Y/N calls out to her mother signalling the completion of her task. Her head pops from the door frame, and she glances at the tea briefly before shifting her view to the boy.

“Y/N! Why don’t you give Draco some company and have some tea? You can go to your room after!” You cough, but merely nodded in response. You seat yourself in the chair that was once occupied.

“How’s work?” Draco asks. He takes the kettle and pours you a cup.

“Busy as always, but it’s a pleasure to be here.” You thank him for the tea and proceed to adding your preferred amounts of cream and sugar.

“You look handsome today, by the way.” You took a sip of your tea so you wouldn't see his reaction. The boy only beamed.

“You look pretty too, if I’m being honest.” You chuckle as you set down your cup. 

“You’re telling me that when I’m dressed in a t-shirt and some ragged jeans?” You didn’t really know what kind of answer to expect. For the most part, you felt average in your get up. He, on the other hand, looked like a model.

“Yes I am. You are pretty.” You only smile at your feet and thank him. The boy was charming without the pompous get up. Ever since that Monday morning, you began to develop appreciation for this genuine side that he showed you. 

As time passed, your mother closed up the shop. Both you and Draco offered to help her, but she denied almost immediately. Instead, she insisted that you take the boy up, causing you to palm your face in embarrassment. However, you eventually agree and lead the way. Within the corridor were stairs that led to a second level. You and Draco climb them and turn to the first door on your right. Your room was slightly bigger than the one at school. It was furnished in a fashion that was similar to your dorm, but there were a lot more books--this time stacks of them could be seen littering the floor.

“Did you bring your book?” He nodded and fished it out from his back pocket. 

He briefly scans the room, “Did you read all of these?” You nod with an embarrassed smile.

“I bet you’d love the library in the manor.” Your eyes widened at the sound of it. A tinge of excitement sprouted from your gut as you begin to imagine its vastness.

“I don’t think you’re wrong. I bet it’s quite the sight!” Delight could be heard from your voice. Draco only tries to suppress a smile.

“Maybe one day.” He mutters to himself, hoping that you didn’t hear. However, when he looks up, he’s met with your wide smile. He blushes immediately and curses under his breath.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.” 

“Don’t worry. I’ll pretend I didn’t.” You wink at him, and pull out your book. You flopped on your bed, patting the space next to you. When he situates himself by your side, you begin to pick up where you left off, already pushing the outside world aside. Draco sits with his legs crossed, and copies your actions. Silence fills the both of you as an hour passes. However, he’d take opportunities to sneak small glances at you once in a while. Your focus on the pages never shifted. If anything, the furrowing of your brows deepen as you turn with every page. With his curiosity getting the best of him, he leans closer to you to see what was so interesting. His actions don’t go by unnoticed, though. As soon as you felt his knee come into contact with yours, you realize how close he has gotten since you started reading.

“May I help you, Malfoy?” You ask, slightly amused.

“What’s your book about?” He asks. You tense your brows as you come up with an answer, not wanting to spoil anything.

“It’s about the friendship between a statue of a very selfless prince and a swallow. What about yours?”

“I’d never thought I would like fiction, but I do like this one. It’s about a girl who protects a person who can remember.”

“Remembers?”You ask with genuine curiosity. Draco nods, his eyes expressing the interest he has for the novel.

“Things on the island vanish, and the majority of the people have no recollection of it after it disappears. The people who show any signs of remembering get taken away.” Your interest for the plot increases 

“That sounds very interesting. Do you think we can trade when we finish?” 

“I think it sounds like a plan.” You stare into each other’s eyes for a moment before a snapping noise is heard. Suddenly your hair loosens, and you realize that the rubber band holding your hair together gave out. Draco looked at you with an eyebrow raised. As you reach to pull the remnants of the tie away, your hair frees itself. Some strands framed your face, while the rest flowed over your shoulders and covered the expanse of your back. You run your fingers through the front and they fall into curtain-like waves. Draco on the other hand is taken aback at your sudden change of appearance. Prior to getting to know who you were, nothing much was thought of you with the exception of your brains. Besides that, you were rather plain looking, always having your hair up in a braid or a ponytail. 

It was a seemingly natural reaction to let your hair simply flow. You really didn’t think much of it. But, when you met Draco’s surprised look, it was your turn to raise a brow at him. He really didn’t know what overtook him, or why these particular words fell out without thinking, but both hearts were racing and ears turned warm after he spoke out.

“Merlin, Y/N. You’re bloody gorgeous.” It caught him off guard. Your expression was the only thing that made him come to terms with the reality of it.

“I- You- You weren’t supposed to-”

“Thank you.” Draco’s jitters stopped in an instant when he saw the way you smiled up at him. Noticing the silence that settles in, you quickly think of something to break it.

“Should I wear it down at school? I’ve been thinking about it. It’s time for a ch-” You were startled by how quick his response was.

“No! Absolutely not!” He speaks frantically.

“-ange. Okay, then. Sheesh.” You both just laugh at his sudden outburst. Draco’s, however, was a nervous one. 

After a couple more minutes of reading, a savory aroma fills your senses, and your mother calls out to you both for dinner. The food was pleasant, but it was the actual state of togetherness that lit Draco’s heart. Although the warm feeling of you and your mother’s company was foreign to him, he was glad to have been able to experience it. The entirety of his stay lifts a huge weight off of his shoulders. Moreover, he begins to acknowledge the budding emotions that he feels for you. He felt each beat of his heart more profoundly within the small moments that you shared, with every glance that he took, and with every laugh that spilled from your lips. 

You stare up at the clock, taking note of the time. It was already 7:30 PM. Curfew was at 9:00 for fifth years. 

“Mother, I think it’s time that we get going. I’ll see you next week.” You notify her of your departure as you help clear out the table. 

“Oh, it’s that time of the day already? Very well then. I’m so glad you stopped by today, Draco. You’re welcome here anytime. Let me see the both of you out.” After you give her a hug, you make your way to the main room of the store. Draco thought you were going to exit, and was brought to confusion when you suddenly stopped in your tracks.

Draco clears his throat, “So, do you know how exactly we’ll get back?” It was already late and the boats that transported students to and from Hogsmeade were closed for the day. 

“Are you a fan of portkeys?” You ask. Draco’s eyes widened.

“Have you created an illegal one?” When you don't answer, he just laughs. You rummage through your bag, picking out a random book. When you open it, there’s a postcard with a picture of Hogsmeade on the front. 

“It’s a touch-activated one. It goes straight into my dorm.” You look up at him to see a devious-looking smirk plastered on his lips.

“You really are something else.” He whispers. You roll your eyes and shake your head.

“Let’s touch it on the count of three, okay? 1...2...3.” At the touch of the object, Draco felt his body get sucked into a bind, lights flashing, and your surroundings blacking out until it wasn’t. He kept his eyes shut the whole time. The entire instance occurred for a second. When you arrived at your destination, you felt fine, having gotten used to the uncomfortable sensation resulting from the mode of transportation. The boy who isn’t as experienced, however, didn’t find himself so lucky, and opted to lay down on your bed for a moment, closing his eyes to regain his strength. As you gave him time to rest, you took the opportunity to change into something more comfortable, taking advantage of the fact that he wouldn’t be aware of you doing so. 

When he opened his eyes, he was surrounded by the familiar confines of your dorm. They  roamed around until stopping at your changing figure. You had slipped on a jumper, which was paired with loose fitting sweats, the waistband wrapping securely on your hips. The only source of light was that of the moon as it radiated through your window and onto your bedroom floor. It casted a surreal glow upon your features, and Draco couldn’t help but stare.

“Would you like some water?  I know the experience could be unpleasant.” Your voice was soft and was followed by the sound of your melodic giggle.

“Y/N, you’re mental if you tell me you do that every week.” He says astoundedly. You nod with a grin and shrug your shoulders as you passed him a cup of water. He takes it gratefully and gulps it down as you sit on the edge of your bed. 

“You should probably get back to your dorm soon and take some rest. Do you need any help?”  He shakes his head, but is betrayed by his body as he stumbles out of your bed. With quick reflexes, you hold him steady, allowing him to regain his balance quickly. 

“Are you sure?” You ask doubtedly. He reassures you by straightening his posture and flashing a smile. You return it as you walk him to the door. He stands in the hallway, facing you as you lean against your door frame. You rushedly look left and right to ensure no one was looking before shifting your attention back to him.

“It was nice having you today. Mother was really happy you came by.” 

“How about you?” The boy catches your gaze once more. You only looked at him with a raised brow, queuing the need for clarification.

“How do you feel about my company?” What he asked caught you off guard, but you couldn’t deny the joy that you felt being around him. The comfort you felt from reading alone didn’t compare to the calm silence that situated you both when you did it together. It was the simple yet overwhelming feeling of contentment--the feeling of someone entering your heart silently, gently, and with a rush all at the same time. Pure bliss was what it was, but you couldn’t formulate the words when he asked you. The boy smirked at your lack of response. Instead, he bent over to meet your eye level and leaned in. You held your breath within your throat as he drew closer, ultimately shutting your eyes in anticipation for who knows what. Draco noticed the slight change in your body language and softened the look in his eyes. His orbs, which were once filled with amusement, were now filled with adoration. He looked at your expression, before reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. You opened your eyes, meeting his gentle gaze.  Shocked, Draco backed away, shoving his hands into his pockets.

He stammered, “Y-You had something on your ear.” A flush had spread over his cheeks.

“Oh, is that so? Were you able to remove it?” You ran your fingers through your hair, oblivious of his frantic behavior. In your mind, you only wish it could’ve been more.

“Y-yea!” A nervous laugh leaves his lips. After he recollects himself for a few more seconds he says, “We should do this again sometime.” To which you happily agree.

You both bid each other ‘goodnight’. As you close the door, you lean your back against the wall, and slide down to the floor. You took note of the way your heart began to race when you recalled the events of today. The sound of his laughs, his subtle attempts to get close to you, his expression of interest towards the things that you treasured. Your image of Draco had begun to transform right under your nose.

Little did you know that as the boy walked back to his dorm room that night, the same thoughts ran through his mind. Although he was tired, he would constantly think about the way you looked when you were working, or when you were reading, or how your hair came undone. Moreover, he felt safe within your hospitality--it wasn’t forceful or intrusive, it just flowed naturally. This small escape made a huge improvement from the broken state you found him in that Monday prior. That night, as he laid in bed, he read his book peacefully until sleep took over his consciousness, filling his rest with dreams of reading with you by his side.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

It was a brisk Sunday morning when you found yourself at the Great Hall for breakfast. You were always one of the earlier students who came right when the doors opened. By the time you got yourself situated, only a few students trickled their way into the massive room. 

Your hand took hold of your book as the other filled your mouth with food. Your concentration blazed as you immersed yourself into the world of the Oscar Wilde that you didn’t realize how filled the hall became once you put your book down. The reason for you doing so stemmed from the sound of a presence that sat before you. You never had company when you ate, so when you looked up you were surprised to see Draco settling in the seat in front of you. Murmurs from other students could be heard at the peculiar sight.

“This seat isn’t taken I presume?” He asks. The typical Malfoy smirk graces his lips as he lowers himself down.

“Not at all.” You respond simply. You look around with a weirded expression. People had their eyes on the two of you. One in particular caught your attention. It was Astoria Greengrass, also dubbed as the Slytherin princess. She had an annoyed look on her face, but you brushed it off, turning back to the boy in front of you.

“Aren’t your friends waiting for you?” You nodded towards the familiar group of people.

“I can’t read around them. They’re too loud.” Once the statement leaves his lips, he pulls out The Memory Police and finds himself in the same stature you were in previously. You smile inwardly before taking a few bites of your food. It’s silent and you can still feel the lingering stares around you. They begin to get annoying after a while.

“Leave them be. They can stare all they want, but I’m not moving anywhere.” He says as though he read your mind. He glances at you from the top of his book, but his tone remains unfazed.  

“How’d you know?” You inquire.

“You have ‘uncomfy’ written all over your face, Y/N.” He keeps his gaze stuck to his book while stuffing a piece of scrambled egg into his mouth. You narrow your eyes at him before slowly opening your own again.

“What are you planning to do today?” He asks suddenly. You look up to see that his eyes never left the page. Your look at your own, except you’re not reading this time.

“Probably read at the lake, go to my dorm and read some more.” 

“Do you do anything else besides read?” 

“I study.” You could feel his eyes roll.

“Besides that.” You lower your hands seeing that you aren’t getting anywhere with the plot. 

“What else is there to do on Sundays?” You laugh, “Well what do you plan on doing today?” 

Your conversation gets interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. There stands Astoria Greengrass, arms crossed with an envious expression on her face. She looks at you then to Draco.

“Hey Dray. I just wanted to know if you wanted to hang out with me at Hogsmeade today?” She asks with a sickly flirtatious tone. She squeezes his shoulder while you just roll your eyes and look away to mentally gag.

“You must be blind to notice. I’m preoccupied if you can’t tell.” The sound of his tone is cold, much akin to the one he uses when he’s bullying someone. However, a smirk sneaks up to your lips as you keep your gaze lowered. The girl only scoffs before turning to you.

“Cute little book you got there Y/L/N. You always have your nose buried in one, don’t you? What’s that one about this time?” You take note of her condescending voice, which slightly pulls on your nerves.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, Greengrass? Sorry love, I’m too preoccupied to explain.” You wiggle your book at her before getting up. You throw the boy your version of his eyebrow raise before turning to leave.

“I’ll see you around ‘Dray’.” You say, imitating Astoria’s tone. You looked at her from head to toe and scoffed as you walked out of the hall. You couldn’t be bothered to deal with the likes of her. For the most part, giving her any piece of your energy was not worth it. You find yourself walking down the corridor before hearing the sound of someone running to you. You stop in your tracks and turn around to see the familiar platinum-haired boy.

“You need some company at the lake?” He asks. Your face, which was once filled with annoyance, releases its tension, and transforms into a gentle smile.

“I don’t need it, but you’re free to come along if you’d like to.” You turn your back quickly before getting a response out of him. He follows you.

Throughout the walk, Draco notices that your hair is up in a braid again, smiling as he reminisces the sequence of events that occurred the night prior. Could you have kept it up because he said so? Such thoughts filled his mind with interest. The events that happened in the hall also made him wonder. He had never seen you agitated before.

“I never thought you’d respond like that.” He says to start up conversation.

“To Astoria?” He nods.

“Not worth my time or energy. I may be quiet, but I’m not a pushover...Dray.” You tease him with the nickname, although he doesn’t mind it when it comes from you.

“It sounds better when you say it.” He says, making you shake your head in response.

“I was about to choke myself. Merlin, did you hear the way she said it? It’s enough to make your ears bleed. Bloody hell.” The way you release your frustration gives the both of you something to laugh about. That familiar feeling of comfort overcoming you both once again.

“Do you think she’s going to approach me again?” You ask.

“Knowing her, she might.”

“Merlin, avada me now.” Draco only laughs louder at the sound of your displeasure. By the time you reach the lake, the sun is seen casting its rays upon the water. Clouds are still in the sky, but the overall scene is bright and beautiful, assuring that it was going to be a good day.

You sit on a patch of grass that meets the sand, while Draco assumes the seat beside you. Before you could even begin to read, the boy takes the opportunity to ask you another question.

“How far are you from finishing your book?”

“I’m almost done. Give me a few minutes and I should be finished.” His eyes widened slightly

“Fast reader aren’t you?”

“No, well, maybe. There are more stories in this book. The Happy Prince so happens to be one of them.” He nods, allowing that particular conversation to end. He lays down on the grass, ready to read in the process, but is caught staring at the expanse of your neck. Your braid reaches the middle of your back, swaying in the wind. When he takes sight of the band that holds it together, he reaches out, hoping that you won’t notice, and pulls it off. He swiftly drops it to make it seem like he hasn’t done anything, so by the time you turn around to identify the cause of the loosened sensation, he already has the book propped on top of his legs, gazing at the lines with much concentration. 

“Did you see anything?” You ask with a raised brow. He simply nods, trying to hide the smirk on his face. It doesn’t go unnoticed by you though.

“Draco. Was it you?” When he doesn’t respond, you laugh.

“You’re such a git.” Your fingertips trace the sand to locate the rubber band, but the boy stops you before going any further. He wraps his hand around your wrist, while catching your gaze.

“It looks better down.” He says firmly.

“But you said-”

“I don’t want you letting it loose for others to see. In front of me is fine.” He holds your gaze for what seemed to eternity before slowly loosening his grip on your hand.

He then proceeds to ask, “Can I touch it? Your hair?” You smile and nod at him. He takes the opportunity to scoot closer behind you. After he situates himself at a comfortable distance, he reaches out to your loosened braid, and gently runs his fingers through it, breaking it up entirely. Your strands are soft in his touch, and the light from the sun only emphasizes how shiny it is. You pay no mind to the boy’s doing. Instead, you continue reading while he plays with your hair. 

After 15, perhaps 20 minutes of reading, you finally finish your book. It is then that you notice that he’s still stroking your locks. Slightly amused, you look up from your book and decide to tease him for a bit.

“Are you having fun back there?” Your question is accompanied with a giggle.

“Most fun I’ve had in years.” Sarcasm laced through his voice. “Can you teach me how to braid?” Your head turns back, but you’re only faced with a serious expression.

“What’s the sudden interest?” As you ask your question, the breeze picks up, eliciting a shiver out of you. It takes a second for Draco to notice how thin your clothes were.

“Why don’t we go inside? It’s warmer and you can teach me how to braid your hair.”

“You’re so insistent, aren’t you?” 

“Not insistent, just ambitious.” You rolled your eyes as he lifted you from the ground.

You both make your way to the dungeons, taking the familiar route that leads to his room. You don’t protest the destination as much, only being grateful that it was warmer than the harsh change in climate outside of these walls. You can’t help but recall how much has drastically changed since the week prior, but it warmed your heart knowing that there was more to Draco than what meets the eye.

As you enter the dorm, you take notice of all the luxurious details that embellish everything from his furniture to the style of his clothes. It was much more put together since the last time you found yourself there. The crisp scent of apples filled your nose, allowing yourself to ooze into the comfort of the environment. You show no hesitance to flop on his bed, seeing as he has done so to yours a number of times already. While doing so, he discards his robes and hangs it over a coat rack. The sight of you brings out a small smile from him as he claims the seat next to you. 

“Now, where were we?” He asks. You proceed to sectioning your hair into two parts. You hand him one, which he takes gently all while focusing his concentration on the demonstration you show.

“Okay, so we start off with three sections…” He does as you say.

“Now I take this, and flip it over this section.” He repeats. Only the sounds of his breaths can be heard.

“Now you do it to the other side, and repeat the pattern.” As you demonstrate with your strands, a shocked expression fills his face as he tries to repeat your actions. He gets it eventually, although his braid is much messier and unkept in comparison to yours, which is tight and neat. A familiar scowl appears on his face, but you try to keep your laughter in. In all fairness, he really was trying.

“Here. Take all of it. Try braiding my hair.” You run your fingers, deleting both your work and his, and turn so that your back is facing him. You keep your sights set towards the window, as he begins to work his way through your hair. He starts off by combing his fingers through your locks, which felt annoyingly good. He then proceeds to repeat everything that he has learned within the last five minutes. Him doing so only proved how quick of a learner he was. Silence filled you both, and as time drifted on, you ended up dozing off into sleep. It is only when Draco finishes that he notices you. He tugs at his final product slightly to see the expression on your face, but in doing so, you fall onto his chest as soft snores find their way out of your lips. 

“And she calls me a git. Look at her sleeping while I handle her hair.” His eyes soften at the gentleness of your own expression before he scans the way your arms have wrapped themselves across your waist. Ensuring that you were sound asleep, he carefully reaches for your hand, forcing it to open as he slightly interlaces his fingers with yours. He takes a moment to comprehend the situation, his face warming up when he realizes that your back is slouched against his chest, your head resting on his shoulder, and one of his hands clasped delicately into yours. 

It’s when his eyes land on your resting face once more that he recalls all that you are, all that you have shown him. He then envisions the long-term, imagining all he has yet to discover about you. The care that you’ve shown him by far is more than what anyone has done throughout his life. He revisits the week before when you mentioned reading as a way to escape. Now that as he has you lying against him, he thinks of the possibility that his real escape is actually you. His mind finds pleasure in that thought, and it only makes his heart race when he thinks about what could possibly happen between you two tomorrow, or the day after that, a week, month, year. What answer would he receive by then? He isn’t even sure if you’d say ‘yes’ to an offer in a relationship, especially knowing how focused you are with your school work. Ridding the thoughts for another time, Draco slowly lays his back down against the mattress, bringing you carefully along with him. Your legs become entangled with his. His hand never leaves yours. 

Ensuring that you were certainly asleep, he whispers softly to the air, “I think I like you, Y/N.” He wraps his other arm around you before falling into a peaceful slumber.

A/N: I don’t think this is the end, but that’s not the point! I hope you enjoyed it :) Any feedback is very much appreciated hehe.

[sunshinetoshi]

love letters over luxuries

timeskip!hanamaki x reader (2.2k words)

Summary: Hanamaki Takahiro thinks you deserve the world with how much you brighten his. But he gets insecure that he can’t provide that.

Content (warnings): some angst (insecurity, financial troubles), is mainly fluff / has a fluffy end

A/N: posting this on this sweet boy’s birthday. this was inspired by the song “all the pennies” by mindy gledhill. i used to listen to this song A LOT and thought this could fit our boy who's “in between jobs.” aughhh I LOVE MAKKI SM askdjf

Hanamaki couldn’t help but feel a twinge of shame when you handed him the beautifully wrapped present.

He hid it with a grin, “Oh come on, angel. I thought I told you, you didn’t have to get me anything.” His tone came off light-hearted.

“I know I didn’t have to but I wanted to,” you smile at him. “Plus it’s your birthday! Of course I’m getting you a present!” You placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. When you pulled back he can see the excitement building in your eyes, “Okay, open it!”

He cupped your cheek before unwrapping the gift. Inside was a watch, it was beautiful. He inspected it in awe. He gasped and turned to you. “You got it engraved?”

You nodded excitedly.

He smiled as his fingers brushed over those words ‘My love’ and the date of your anniversary. “Angel, I love it. But I told you, you don’t need to spend your money on me like this, really.”

Your smile was playful as you put the watch around his wrist.

“I know, love, but like I said, I wanted to.” You held his hand up to admire the watch on him. He couldn’t suppress his smile from the look on your face, happiness. You whispered the anniversary date in wonder. Only a week from today. “Think of it as an early anniversary present,” you told him, still admiring the watch on him. You giggled, “It looks good, no?”

“It does. It’s perfect,” he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you in, “Thank you.”

Hanamaki didn’t cave into that little pit in his stomach until you left for work the next morning. When you were gone he grabbed the watch from its box and looked at it again. And he let his mind wonder.

It’s not like he had a problem with you getting him a present, not at all. Or even that you must’ve spent quite a pretty penny on it. It was that he couldn’t do the same for you.

-----

He wished with his whole heart that he could spoil you rotten. You never asked for a thing but he wanted to give it all to you. The whole world. It’s what you deserved. It may have only been a year but he already decided that what you two had was forever. You brought a whole new level of life to Hanamaki and he knew you were an angel he was blessed with.

On your birthday he wanted to take you to that new amusement park. On Christmas he prayed he could get you those shoes he saw you eyeing. But he couldn’t. Not with the situation he was in right now.

You never thought any less of him or of the small presents he did get you though. It was another thing he loved about you. Your heart was always pure and in genuine appreciation and love when you opened the love letters he wrote you, the pictures he printed out, the plushies and snacks he got you. You were so content.

But he still wished he could give you more. To show you how much you meant to him.

With one more look at the watch he decided it. He had one week and he was going to give you an anniversary you deserved.

You were a little shocked at the news when you got home. Apparently an old alumni from his high school was a manager at one of the large supermarkets in town and one of his workers was on vacation for the week. Hanamaki was going to temporarily fill in.

You saw how excited he was to be working again so you smiled and congratulated him. You were honestly a little worried when he told you he’d be stocking some heavy supplies and would be leaving and arriving back home at irregular hours. But you knew he was struggling to land an interview for the job he actually wanted, he had been since he graduated college. You saw how eager he was to be earning a wage, so you were supportive.

But that week was hell for you.

You liked seeing Takahiro happy and more confident during the week but you also hardly saw him. Your worries stayed with you through the week, you could see how laborious the job was on him. And you missed him. Plain and simple. But were you being selfish? Was it selfish to want your boyfriend’s arms around you and for him to whisper jokes in your ear? You pushed yourself to be supportive nonetheless. But you were itching for the week to end.

And both of you were looking forward to it. Because at the end of this long week was your anniversary.

The whole time at work you were restless to get to your boyfriend. Besides a sleepy kiss to him that you were leaving, you two hadn’t even seen each other this morning due to your differing hours. But you did get a little sticky note saying ‘Happy Anniversary’, he had stuck it to your front door for you to see. You fiddled with it the entire day and counted the minutes before you could bolt to him.

When you got home Hanamaki was nowhere to be found. You walked into your bedroom and gasped.

He had laid petals on the end of your bed with his favorite date-night outfit of yours laid out. Near it were a big box of chocolates, a small pretty box and a card waiting for you.

Your heart began to beat fast as you read the words on the small paper. 

Hello, my angel. I hope your day was lovely. Meet me at the pond?

-Takahiro

PS I thought this all would look gorgeous on you. Can’t wait to see you!

You grinned at the surprise date, meeting at your special spot. The little pond in the city that not many people knew about. You two stumbled upon it on your first date together.

You nervously opened the box and once again gasped. You pulled out the most beautiful bracelet. Your heart only raced faster when you saw the engraving on the inside of the cuff. My angel. You were speechless. You quickly changed and left to meet with Hanamaki.

When his eyes landed on you he felt like he was floating. You indeed looked gorgeous. And suddenly the strain of his muscles from the relentless labor of the week and the loneliness from not seeing you as much both vanished and he was consumed with an overwhelming amount of love.

“Hey,” he grinned goofily at you.

“Hey yourself, handsome.”

He chuckled. “I’m not the one who looks breathtaking. And I guess I was right about this, it looks good, no?” He imitated what you said when you gave him his watch last week. He lifted your hand and placed a gentle kiss on the top of your palm.

When he let your hand go you pressed it to his cheek and looked at him, “It’s beautiful, thank you.”

“Happy Anniversary, angel.”

His smile and the love in his eyes were captivating. “Happy Anniversary, my love.”

“But it’s only beginning,” he took a few steps and picked something off the ground behind a tree.

“Oh my gosh,” you laughed when you saw it. A bouquet of the most striking flowers. “They’re beautiful, Takahiro.”

“The best for you, come on, let’s stroll.”

And so you two walked around the pond, finally catching up on the long week. You felt so good being by his side again, holding onto him. And you two reminisced on the past year.

“Okay, one last thing before we head to dinner,” he pulled something out of his pocket, an envelope.

He looked at you with excitement as you opened it. When you did your jaw dropped. They were tickets to your favorite show, one you only ever dreamed of going to. You whipped to face him. “What are these?”

“You know what they are,” he laughed, “We’re going!”

“No,” you whispered in disbelief. You looked at the tickets again. This was too much. The bracelet itself was more than you could ever ask for, he bought you these tickets too?

“We’re going,” he repeated, snaking an arm around your waist. “Are you surprised?”

The look on your face was enough to answer but you nodded your head slowly, “But love, are you sure? These are costly aren’t they?” These were unbelievably amazing gifts but you weren’t used to these kinds of presents from Hanamaki and you weren’t quite sure how to react.

“Don’t worry about that, now let’s get going, the restaurant is just around the corner.”

When you two were near the main street you expected him to guide you to his and your favorite little restaurant. A place you guys frequented a lot in the beginning of your relationship. But he turned a different way and you two stood in front of a place you’ve never been to.

And you gasp realizing it was the new restaurant they just built and you turn to your boyfriend, “We’re not eating here are we?”

“Of course we are!”

“But it’s so expensive!”

“I already told you don’t worry about that, angel, come on,” he gently pulled your hand.

But you didn’t move. “Takahiro.” You knew something was up. “Come here,” you instead softly tug him back behind the buildings back to the path that led to the pond. When you're away from passerbyers you look at your boyfriend. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” you shuffled your feet a little. What if you were wrong? And would it be wrong to say? “I just, I feel like you’re being different today.”

“It’s our anniversary, I want it to be special,” he gave you a smile but you still saw something in his eyes.

“And it is special but..” you knew there was something going on. You swallowed away the hesitation and looked at him directly. “But something’s bothering you and I want to know what it is. I know something’s up so tell me, love.”

At that moment Hanamaki realized something. That you really knew him, that you really knew his heart.

He sighed. There was no hiding it from you anymore. “I wanted to make our anniversary special. Y/N, I love you so much and I know you don’t ask for these things but I wanted to buy you all these fancy things because you deserve them. They’re all the things I’ve wanted to give you since the first time you smiled my way but I never could get them for you. And I got tired of always feeling guilty when you give me an amazing present and all I give you are letters and kisses.” He lifted your wrist and looked at the bracelet, “You should be showered with gifts like this bracelet, and nice bouquets, and fancy dinners way more than I can afford to give you.” He didn’t realize he was crying until you were gently wiping the tears off his cheek but he continued on. “I wanted you to have these so I got that job, and I would do all that work week after week if it meant seeing your beautiful face showered with love.”

You wiped at your own tears. You never realized how much Hanamaki thought about money like that and you certainly weren’t expecting such heartfelt words. “Oh my love, all these things are beautiful but they’re not you.”

His face scrunched in confusion.

“Takahiro, I know you love me. You treat me like royalty everyday of my life, I can’t believe someone can look at me the way you do. I can’t believe you would sacrifice so much of yourself for that job because you want to get me these things. And yes, the bracelet, the tickets, those are beyond amazing but all the luxuries in the world could not make me love you any better. The love you have given me this past year has been the best love I can ever be graced with.  I don’t need money and material things to know you love me. You want to know the things I treasure the most? When you kiss my head in the morning, when you open your arms when I climb into bed, and when you smile and tell me you’re happy. And those love letters? Love, those are the most precious things you have ever given to me.”

His eyes widened at all your words. “Really?”

You nodded, “Can I be honest? When you pulled out that envelope earlier I was excited to read another love letter I could add to my collection.”

He took everything in. You were telling him you accepted him, all of him. And that his love this whole time has been more than enough to let you know how he feels about you. He takes a few moments to process it all before he lets out a sigh of relief, one that’s been weighing him down for a while. And he looked at your beautiful face and smiled, “So maybe we can skip the fancy dinner and grab some takeout? I’ve missed cuddling with you on the couch.” He gently pulled you in closer to him.

“That sounds like a perfect evening.”

[jessbakescakes]

the recent prompt list - 40 with j/d please!!! what you said when you met my parents!!!

40) Things you said when you met my parents from this post.

Okay, I got this prompt about four different times (that's a good thing, you all have great taste and I love it), so consider this my response to all of them. I did a little twist on it, so I hope you enjoy it. Post-series J/D on this one with bonus Mama Lyman.

Yup, you read that right. Post-series. You'll see.

Thanksgiving 2006

“I probably should have brought wine,” Donna muses, taking a right turn into the quiet retirement community subdivision where Josh’s mom lives. “We should have stopped at the store.”

Josh laughs. “You know she doesn’t care about that.”

“She may not, but I do,” Donna counters. “It’s rude to show up without a gift when you’re a guest in someone’s home. We’re looking for number 683, right?”

“Yes. Red shutters. You’ve been here before,” Josh reminds her. “You’ve been here before, and you’ve met her before.”

“Not as your girlfriend, I haven’t.”

He reaches over and takes her hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. “I promise you, she’s going to be thrilled.”

Donna looks at him, wide-eyed, for a split second before turning her gaze back to the road. “She doesn’t know I’m coming?”

“I wanted to keep it a surprise!” Josh argues. He’s not sure that this is the best strategy, showing up with Donna for Thanksgiving without a word of warning, but he’ll be the one who’s under the microscope, not her. In Rachel Lyman’s eyes, Donna Moss can do no wrong. As soon as they’re alone, Josh’s mom will give him the third degree about marriage and babies, when he plans to propose and why it took him so long. He’ll obfuscate a little, lower her expectations, maybe throw his mom a bone toward the end of the conversation just before Donna finishes.

And maybe, just maybe, he’ll ask his mom to find his grandmother’s engagement ring at some point before they leave.

Donna turns into the driveway and turns the car off, turning to look at Josh before they step out of the car to grab their things. “Are you sure…”

Josh almost lets her finish, but gives her hand, still intertwined with his, a gentle squeeze. “I’m positive. It’s gonna be fine.”

She gives him a half-smile and lets out a long exhale. “Okay.” Donna opens the door and walks around to the trunk of the car to grab her bags.

Before Josh can make his way back there with her, the front door to the house opens, and his mother steps outside. “You’re here!” Rachel says, making a beeline toward her son and pulling him into a hug. “I just saw on the news that there was heavy traffic, I assumed you’d be stuck in that for a little while.”

“We managed to avoid too much traffic,” Josh says. “I think we got on the road right before it got too bad.”

Rachel pulls away from Josh, leaving a hand clasped on either one of his arms. “We?” she asks, her eyebrows raised. She looks around Josh toward the back of the car and gasps. “Donna!” Rachel lets go of Josh and darts toward where Donna is standing. “What a wonderful surprise!”

“It’s so good to see you,” Donna says, returning Rachel’s enthusiastic hug. “Thank you so much for having us.”

“Oh, of course, it’s no trouble at all,” Rachel says. “This is the first time I’ve seen you since you changed your hair! You look fantastic, sweetheart.”

Donna beams, her cheeks flushing pink as she tucks a strand of hair behind her ears. “Thank you.”

Rachel grabs Donna by the arm, leading her toward the front door. “Are you hungry? I’ve got some cookies out on the coffee table for you, so hopefully, that will hold you over until dinner.”

“That sounds great,” Donna says, allowing Rachel to pull her into the house.

“Joshua, hurry in with the bags, we don’t want bugs in the house,” Rachel calls over her shoulder.

Josh grabs the luggage and brings it inside, shutting the door behind him as Rachel and Donna walk into the living room. He places their bags in the guest room, then stands back and watches as his mom leans toward Donna and whispers, almost conspiratorially, before Donna takes a seat on the couch. Whatever she says before she heads to the kitchen elicits a laugh out of Donna, along with Donna’s first genuine smile since they left their apartment early that morning.

Josh walks into the living room and takes a seat on the couch, reaching for Donna’s hand as he settles in. “What’s she doing?”

“Grabbing us some coffee,” Donna says.

Rachel walks into the living room, a mug of coffee in each hand, and places them on the coffee table in front of Donna and Josh. “Josh, if you need any more cream or sugar, you’ll have to…” Rachel stops for a moment, looking at their intertwined hands and then back up at Josh.

“Mom,” Josh starts. “Don’t get…”

“Finally!” Rachel interjects, her tone exasperated but the grin on her face revealing her true feelings about the situation. “Took you two long enough.” She takes a seat in the chair adjacent to the couch, reaching for a mug of tea sitting on an end table to her right.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Josh laughs.

Rachel shrugs. “The rest of us have just been waiting for you to catch up for years.”

Josh pauses for a moment. The rest of us? Who is 'the rest of us'? Before he can ask her this question, his mother is already on an entirely different train of thought. “Donna, I think I remember how you take your coffee, but if you need anything else for it, feel free to grab whatever you want. That goes for everything, towels, blankets, plates, silverware… Josh, show her where everything is tonight before you two turn in, would you?”

“Okay,” Josh agrees, still trying to process the ease with which his mother has accepted this big change.

“Oh, also, Donna, I actually meant to show you something. It’s this tea set I found at an estate sale,” Rachel says. “Well, it’s not a set, really, just a teapot and two teacups. They were just so pretty, and I thought of you when I saw them. I’ll go get them.” She stands up from her chair and disappears down the hallway.

Josh turns to Donna, whose smile has grown bigger and brighter than it was a few minutes ago. “I’m so sorry, she’s going to do that annoying thing where she tries to send you home with a teapot and teacups, and whatever else she saw and bought because she thought of you. Just remind her we flew here.”

“It’s okay,” Donna laughs. “I think it’s sweet. Makes me feel… I don’t know, like she likes including me. It’s nice.”

Rachel has been including Donna for years. That started sometime after Rosslyn, in the weeks they spent together at his place taking care of him. It happened after years of birthday gifts for both of them, mailed in the same package, with one shared note, always signed ‘Love, Mom’. It happened between their rushed thirty-minute coffee dates on the campaign trail (where they undoubtedly talked about Josh) and weekly phone calls and ‘I know you don’t celebrate Hanukkah but I thought of you anyway’ gifts to be followed by a round of Christmas gifts shortly thereafter. It’s been ages since she stopped considering Donna a guest and started considering her family.

There’s something that feels right about watching the two of them together - he’s seen them together at least a dozen times over the years, watched them bond during his recovery, but this time it feels different. Donna isn’t his just assistant anymore, she’s not simply his best friend. She never was only those things, if he’s being honest with himself. She’s always been so much more.

Now he gets where his mom was coming from.

“Well, I think you’re stuck with her now,” Josh teases.

“I’m okay with that,” Donna says softly.

[rinharu-purple]

Milestones

Having read almost all of Gavin dates in season one (and all in S2, that Cheri translated), I think I can pinpoint the certain milestones of MC and Gavin's relationship. In three specific dates, they confess their romantic feelings for each other and also tell each other directly that they want to spend the rest of their lives together...as always...spoilers ahead

MC’s Love confession

MC has been building up romantic emotions towards Gavin ever since they’ve met again at the Loveland police station and Gavin has swept her off her feet for the first time...figuratively AND literally.

This one is very easy to pick because during this date, MC is not only fangirling over Gavin but also shouting her feelings out loud in public as well as confessing them to him...loud and clear...I am talking about the “Slightly drunken date”.

As to her more instinctual urges...They have been growing since the moment she saw him like this for the very first time:

“...than reappeared at his exposed waist and abs...As I reached to touch those scars (around his abdomen)... a different feeling arose in me“. That different feeling arose in all of us MC ;)

So once the slightly drunken date came, MC was overflowing with an ocean of emotions for Gavin for a while so she confessed to him:

“No more talking! Just listen to me! When I said that, I meant it. Not about the bass playing, but you. I like the gift you gave me, I like the bracelet you gave me. I also like that love letter that I never read. I want to see more sides of you...When you’re eating, when you’re sleeping, when you’re happy, when you’re sad, when you’re wearing a tuxedo, or red in the face from drinking.

All of it! I want to see every side of you”.

(If you want to read a longer analysis on this date, let me take you here)

Gavin’s Love Confession

First things first...The question which should be ask before anything is...Has Gavin fallen in love with MC once his Evol awakened or was it an already ongoing process until that specific moment, on which Gavin realized he is in love with her? I think he has been observing MC for a while and was already enchanted by her kindness and beauty way before “the fall" into his Evol-awakening.  

As for Gav-babe’s instinctual urges...I would say, Gavin realizes them during the Shooting Date when he sees MC in a very revealing dress for the first time and she asks him to unzip her, in a very tight space, with the lights out...Our poor birdcop cant help but have naughty thoughts and wonders why MC asked him to do that for her :) I love this man to the moon and back

When he got verbal on his feelings however was during the “Spring Festival Date”. Not only he confessed to MC and her family that he used to have a crush on her during high school, but he also opened up about his honest feelings about her, which are extremely heartwarming.

“I have a very strict father and a brother I seldom see...I don’t even know when I turned into such a loner. Eating alone, sleeping alone, doing everything alone...until I met her. It was a beautiful autumn day. The gingko leaves were floating in the wind. I was also going through a pretty dark time. But she saved me before I hit bottom...It’s she who told me I could live a stronger life. And it’s also she who told me I could live a more tender life. I never felt lonely before, until I met her. I started to get used to star-gazing with her, having dinner with her, spending the New Year’s with her.”

and this part he tells twice...once in front of her family and once while they are alone afterwards to prove that those words were genuine:

“In the future, I will give it my all to stay with you, to take good care of you, and love you.”

Yep, he drops the big L word <3 

“I wanna make up for all the times I wasn’t there“

After all, he’s waited a long time for that day to come...And when that day was finally there, he would make sure to confess to her.

Btw in both occasions out lovebirds were slightly drunk. And on a side note, my very first date with Gavin was the Spring festival date, so you could guess why I am so smitten by him and why there isn't any chance for the other LI’s to dethrone him.

Moving on to second phase...

MC’s future plans

The first time I read @cheri-translates​ English translation to the “Late Autumn Date”, I literally fell off from my chair by the intensity of this highly emotional and extremely spicy date. The date takes some time, but when Gavin and MC gets it going, holy cow it hits you hard!

I will intentionally not dive into the hot spicy details of this date and how they finally make out passionately at Loveland High. Sure both Gavin and MC are overwhelmed with nostalgia and oxytocin, but it’s once again MC’s time to gush out about her feelings for Gavin but this time, she tells him how he is her past, present and the future. MC promises her all to him and if that’s not a hand in marriage yakusoku then I don’t know what is. This again is a very long confession, so brace yourselves:

“ …we seem to have really missed out on a lot.  I’ve thought about a few things since a very long time ago. For example… cheering you on at the basketball court after school. And then proudly telling the entire class that the name of the tallest and most accurate shooter is ‘Gavin’!  Back then, there was a small stall outside the school gate selling red bean puffs. $3 for one, $5 for two. It was crispy on the outside and sweet on the inside, with a generous amount of filling. You’ve definitely not eaten it before… We used to have late night self-study sessions and were only dismissed after 9pm. The girls in the same class would find company to walk with. If you were there, you’d have been able to send me home.  Piano lessons were way too dull. Once I sit here, it would be for several hours, playing the same song over and over again. Sometimes, I’d think of going out to have fun - to go shopping, sing karaoke, eat all kinds of good food, or do my homework while having a drink in a small shop.  Also, the 800-metres physical test was literally my nightmare! If you were there to practice running with me, I wouldn’t have passed only after my third test.

If I could be with you back then… my deepest memories in high school wouldn’t have just been of exams.

– we missed out on a whole six years! Even if we want to make up for it every day, it wouldn’t be enough even if you spend a full twenty-four hours with me!

----(insert NSFW part here) ------

I cling to his waist tightly using my calves, wanting to brand every part of him into my heart.

“I want to bear his everything.”

Gavin: “Do you like it?”

“I like it…I like it very much…I like it so much that I don’t know how to prove how much I like it” “The rest of my life is yours, The years that we’ve missed out on are also yours” (whatever I have, I will give it to you. I will give everything to you, leaving nothing behind)

Gavin’s Future Plans

Here comes the tricky part, because there is not only one single date yet, where Gavin is seriously telling MC in length about his future plans. However there are soo many moments in various dates, events and Co. that implies to Gavin's proposal plans. Actually, I feel like the S2 Gavin dates revolve around the phase in their relationship, when things start to shift from a long term relationship to we're gonna get married soon.

Sure, Gavin told MC also in S1 many times, how he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.

Looking at all these moments in S2. I believe it will be more eminent to see, how his future plans get more concrete:

- Every time he says "We" specifically in Puppy love call "Yes, we"

- Every time he say "In the future"

- Third year anniversary (testing the waters)

- From Afar Date (already has the gem)

- Old Haunt Date (their future home)

- Beautiful Future call (their dream of living in a Shangri-la when they grow old)

Even though Gavin hasn't told MC his future plans in a Monologe like she did directly, I believe he is adamantly planning about a proposal and I expect in his birthday in 2021 something that hints to a concrete proposal.

AU Proposals

Aside from the main dates, there were two official proposals from the AU dates. Because we can only add one video for each post, here is MCs proposal.

Spoiler alert: He said "no"

Masterlist

Disclaimer: The video is taken from YouTube and is linked to the original!

For Gavin's proposal let me take you here.

[athenasbloodyspear]

The Viper: Chapter One

What happens when an agent of the Red Room falls into  the hands of Hydra? What happens when Hydra puts out a hit on their  favorite assassin? Who is the mysterious woman with a twisted history  and an even more twisted mind?

The team wants to know. They want to know what you know. Nat and Bucky want to know if there’s any light left in you.

They want to know you.

Bucky x Female Reader

The Viper Master List | My Writing Master List

The sounds of car horns are loud around you. The blaring, beeping and  bustle of pedestrians creating layers and layers of sound. You’re  trained well enough to sift through the sounds, listening to pieces of  conversation and various sounds of your environment to orient yourself.

You can feel the smallest shift of every person who’s moving in the  space around you. Your senses are so focused you can practically hear  the blood rushing through the people closest to you. Your prey is about a  block up, completely oblivious to where you followed.

The streets around you were loud and the sounds were strong, but nothing could keep your focus off your mission.

Underneath your hood and the rim of your baseball hat, your face was  hidden in shadow. If anyone would have seen or marked it, they would  have seen the wicked gleam of a grin.

--

“What’s got you all in a tizzy, Tony?” Nat asks from Bucky’s right.  The whole team was gathered around a conference table in Avengers tower  looking kinda bored. Tony had called everyone here this morning, much to  everyone’s chagrin because he had promised a week off and then  apparently changed his mind a mere three days later.

Bucky sighed and rolled his shoulders, leaning back in the office  chair he currently sat in, lifting the two front feet off the floor. All  he really wanted was to go back downstairs and into the city with Nat  and finish looking for a birthday gift for Steve. That’s what they were  doing this morning before they were quickly called back to the tower.  He’d procrastinated too long and really had zero idea of what to get the  man.

“I’m confused about something and I don’t like being confused.” Tony retorted.

“Oooo” Sam piped up from across the table. “The great Tony Stark  admits to not knowing something. I’m surprised there isn’t steam coming  out of those ears.”

Bucky smirks at his friend. God he loved Sam and his remarks. He  would say something similar, but his relationship with Tony still wasn’t  perfect and he didn’t want to push his luck at the moment.

“What is so confusing, Iron Man? Don’t know what to get Pepper for  your anniversary? Or did you say something stupid again and your giant  brain can’t figure out exactly which asshole statement pushed her over  the edge this time?” Nat chimed in with a mocking smirk.

Tony pointed a single finger at Nat. “I have had our anniversary  present for two months already and I’m actually getting better at  figuring out which one of my snarky comments goes too far, just so you  know.” He sighs and presses a few buttons on the large screen under the  glass conference table, whipping up a bundle of information to appear on  the screen behind him. “What I’m confused about is why Hydra put out a  public hit on one of their top agents.”

At that, Bucky’s chair drops back to all four legs abruptly. The  confusing piece of information startled him into finally giving his full  attention to the conversation. His heart rate picked up a bit.

“They did  what ?” Steve asks from the end of the conference table opposite Tony, voicing the question on all their minds.

“This morning Hydra posted a bounty on a known dark web forum. It’s  not unheard of for them to post some of their lower enemies on this  anonymously for unaffiliated assassins and bounty hunters to take down.  What’s different this time is they made it very clear that  Hydra  was posting.” He whipped up what looked eerily similar to a reddit post up on the screen. “And what makes even  less sense is I know for a fact that the person they called a hit on has been their little secret weapon for over ten years.”

Bucky scanned the post up on the screen. Sure enough, it said that  Hydra had a hit out on a well known assassin and was offering 50 million  along with diplomatic immunity in a country of their choosing for the  head of the operative.

“Who’s the target?” Nat murmured.

“So, this is the fun part. Especially for you two.” Tony continued, pointing at Nat and Bucky.

“What?” Bucky grumbled. Fun for him? What the hell? What could  possibly be in Tony’s twisted brain to think anything to do with Hydra  would be  fun for him?

“Here’s the mark.” Tony pulled up a blurry photo of a figure wrapped  in muted colors clearly captured on some sort of security camera  somewhere on a bustling street. If Bucky was tracking the cobblestones  and architecture of the buildings correctly he’d guess it was taken  somewhere in Cairo.

“Is that the best fucking picture you can get us, Stark? You can  barely see their face.” Sam quipped, leaning forward in his seat to  squint at the screen.

“This is the clearest photo of her face, yes.”

“Her?” Nat snapped, popping her eyes to Tony.

“Yes. Her.  The Viper .” He smirked back at Nat. Bucky heard a quick intake of breath from his right. Nat.

“No…” She whispered, and trailed off.

“Oh yes, Natasha. Oh yes.” Tony flicked his fingers across the table  again and all the known stats on the Viper pulled up on the screen.  “This is where the fun begins for us. This is what we know about the  Viper. She was “found” at a young age somewhere in middle America. It’s a  little unclear where, but from where I tracked it must have been  somewhere in the Midwest.”

“They stole a kid from Wisconsin? Why would Hydra bother when they  had their fingers in so many other countries?” This was from Steve.

“It wasn’t Hydra…” Nat murmured.

“ What? ” Bucky piped up again. He felt like his brain was  spinning. A top Hydra assassin? Did he know her? He would have to spiral  into his memory to find out if he ever met this Viper…

“It was the Red Room.” Nat whispered then. Her eyes staring directly at the table.

“Yes indeed!” Tony quipped. “Remind me Nat, were you still there when  they dragged in the little girl kicking and screaming or not?”

“Tony!” Steve seethed from his end of the table.

“I wasn’t living there anymore, no. I had just graduated. She was a  couple years younger than me. They said she caused quite a nuisance  during the assassination of a target. Instead of killing her they decided  to bring her back. I saw her maybe twice. They had always referred to  her as the snake. She was less refined than the other girls, she started  her training a little too old, but she was… desperate to make up the  difference.” Nat shuddered a bit then and Bucky felt compelled to reach  out and place a hand on her shoulder. “She reminded me of… me.”

There was a small moment of pause before Tony started again. “So our  little snake graduated from The Red Room and spent a few years as an  agent for them before falling in with our buddies at Hydra.” Tony looked  at Bucky then, “Where she was trained and conditioned to fill a missing  position in their ranks after they unfortunately lost control of a very  important  asset. ”

“You’re a prick Tony.” Steve muttered, his eyes falling on Bucky.  Bucky waved him off. He was fine, really. He’d started making peace with  his history when he was on Wakanda and though he still had a long way  to go, he wasn’t going to fall to pieces at the mere mention of the  Winter Soldier.

“You’re telling me that they…” He trailed off, his mind spinning in  circles. This poor woman he didn’t even know subjected to what he went  through, simply because he had left. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but he  still felt responsible that someone else had to fill a hole he had  created.

“Yes they trained this little spitfire to be their top assassin and  she has been in their top ranks since about 2010, only stepping into the  role of top assassin after the events in 2016 finally severed you  completely from the organization. She’s been racking up kills ever  since. Much like you my dear metal armed friend, she’s nearly impossible  to catch on camera, let alone see with your own eyes.”

From the corner of the room, where he sat in a chair separate from  the table, Bruce finally spoke. “I always thought The Viper was a  myth.”

“Yeah and you thought the Winter Soldier was a myth. Hell I always  thought Thor and Loki were just some folklore.” Sam remarked. “I believe  almost everything nowadays.”

“Wait so, this woman was a trained Red Room assassin, then a top  Hydra operative and now they’re asking the internet to kill her? Why  didn’t they just take care of her themselves? Surely they had her locked  up or brainwashed somehow.” Bruce said.

“You guys are seriously just assholes sometimes.” Steve murmurs.

“I’m fine, Steve.” Bucky says. “It’s a valid question. Even when they  wanted me eliminated, they only worked with people inside.”

“Exactly.” Tony said. “My theory is, they want us to know that they  want her dead. In fact, my more specific theory is that this is bait in  order to get us to hunt and eliminate her. I want to know why.”

“She must have slipped away from them.” Nat said then. “Even if no  average internet bounty hunter could ever touch her, surely they’d at  least keep her a little busy. Busy enough that we might be able to get a  jump on her. She must know something.”

“Exactly. What does she know? And why don’t they want her to utilize whatever information she knows?”

“So we’re going to find her then.” Steve said. “What if this is a  trap? Specifically set up to intrigue us into bringing their very own  top operative into our facilities.”

“It could be.” Nat responded. “But it seems a little weird to send a  bunch of people they don’t control after her unless they genuinely  didn’t care about what happened to her. It seems unlikely she’s still an  asset to them if they’re willing to risk her actually being caught off  guard, no matter how unlikely that is.”  

“See, this is what I meant by being confused.” Tony quips then,  heading for the door. “I’ve sent everything I know about the woman to  each of you. Study it. See what conclusions you come to on your own.  We’ll reconvene here tonight to discuss an action plan.”

--

You sat in a corner booth at a tiny cafe, facing the door. There was a  swinging door into the kitchen to your left, which led to three back  exits. Directly in front of you was the only door facing a main street.  The whole front of the coffee shop was glass, giving you a clear view of  the two targets you’d been tracking all morning, who had stopped to  grab breakfast at a restaurant across the street.

You were twirling a long since lukewarm cup of coffee in your hands,  your eyes flicking back and forth between your marks and the swinging  kitchen door at your shoulder.

You watched as your marks both stretched and stood up. The woman hailed a cab. They seemed disgruntled.

 Interesting.  

While the woman tried to snag the attention of a cabbie, you threw a  few crumpled bills on the counter of your table and slipped through the  swinging kitchen door. There were a few shouts of alarm as a stranger  wandered into the bustling diner kitchen, but you quickly weaved through  the crowded kitchen and out a back door. You jumped on the sleek black  Kawasaki bike you’d stashed behind a dumpster in an alley.

You pushed the bike out and around the corner before turning it on,  waiting to confirm that they had both piled into a cab. You revved the  engine and punched the accelerator, weaving quickly   between the piled  up traffic, causing lots of horn honking and a few near rear-end  accidents.

Your heart was hammering in your chest, the adrenaline coursing through your veins as you tore after that cab.

The grin still plastered on your face.

--

Bucky’s head was reeling as he read through the intel, albeit a small amount, that Tony had managed to dig up.

There were a total of 3 videos captured on a security camera of the Viper on a job. He watched them all multiple times.

The Viper was ruthless and unnervingly calm. It reminded him of  himself, what he saw in the footage of the Winter Soldier. It made the  bile in his stomach churn. He knew that feeling of uncontrollable calm  very well and it made him break out in a cold sweat.

The first video showed her walking calmly up to a high security  warehouse, putting bullets between the brows of every operative in  sight, barely even looking in their direction before pulling the  trigger. She walked directly with purpose toward the door that was  clearly her mission. Once every operative in view of the camera had  fallen she reached for the door handle. Before she slipped inside, she  lifted her pistol without looking and fired one round into the camera,  cutting the feed. With the hood on her jacket, there was no clear  footage of her face. Bucky wondered how they were even sure it was her.  Her murderous calm must have been enough evidence.

The second was a terribly grainy video taken in some basement  somewhere. There was someone strapped to a chair and he watched as the  Vipers fists slammed into the man repeatedly. A choppy, distorted, and  heavily accented voice spoke about 40 seconds in. “Good, Viper. You may  play now. Make sure there’s something left of him to interview  tomorrow.” Bucky flinched as he saw the woman stride toward a table,  likely filled with instruments of torture. The man strapped to the chair  began to scream, pleading in Russian that he’d say anything they wanted  him to. He heard a low woman’s voice come through the video, murmuring  “Too late.”

The third was a more recent video according to the time stamp. It was  less than six months ago off a security cam in Maracaibo. It was about a  9 second video, just watching the woman cross a bustling street in  Venezuela. Bucky remembered that some hot shot Hydra agent had been  found dead in Venezuela this year. Could it have been the Viper taking  down one of their own? Is that why they were mad?

There were about 5 other attachments of images. The only photographs  that Friday could find of this enigma apparently. 4 were blurry security  camera footage from various places. The one Tony had shown this morning  was truly the only one that even sort of showed the woman’s face. Well,  except the 5th.

The 5th made Bucky even more sick than the footage of brutal  violence. It was a Polaroid image of what appeared to be a 16 or 17 year  old girl in ballet clothes, standing in the middle of what he assumed  was a dance studio. It would have been normal, a young woman after a  dance class, if it wasn’t for the red blood splattered up her pink  tights, dripping off her knuckles and smeared on her jaw. The subject  wasn’t looking at the camera, but rather seemed to be standing at  attention with her focus to the right of the photographer. Written in  sloppy Russian at the bottom corner of the Polaroid was “Option 4.”

What does that mean?  Bucky thought to himself.  Option for what?  

It made him sick staring at that photo. If the blood wasn’t there, it  would just look like a young woman preparing for a ballet class, or  perhaps being photographed so a costume designer could see her figure  while they created dazzling outfits for a production. It was so wrong  for someone so young, whose face was filled with innocence, to be  covered in blood. He felt so protective over her, this young woman he  didn’t even know. This young woman who he knew grew up to be a murderer  with a kill list almost as long as his.

He knew, looking at that photo, that this woman had never wanted  this. He didn’t know how he got such a gut reaction to the image, but he  saw himself in it. A young person who was given the worst hand of cards  to ever be dealt, and was simply trying to stay alive. He stared at her  thin frame, the hollow look in her eyes and nearly wept.

He needed to find her. He needed it more than he’d needed anything in  a long time. He needed to find out how far she had fallen from this  image, and if he could pull her back.

He needed to do it, because he’d always be grateful that someone did it for him.

--

Your marks had gone into the tall skyscraper a few hours ago. You  were too antsy to sit around and wait to see if they’d venture back out  into the city.

You prowled the sidewalk like a caged animal. Tracing patterns through the busiest blocks. Keeping track of nearby cameras.

Everything smelled like garbage and piss. You hated it. You loved it. It was such an easy city to get lost in.

An even easier city to be found in.

--

When Bucky finally dragged himself back to the conference room that  evening, he felt like a wreck. He had worked himself up considerably  throughout the afternoon. He was antsy and apprehensive.

He really didn’t know what was wrong with him. It was just some random assassin, why was he so worked up?

Steve noticed his touchy mood as soon as he walked in and raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m fine.” Bucky grumbled. “Just want to figure this out. It’s bothering me for some reason.”

“Maybe because it’s a little too personal, Buck.” Steve said quietly.

“Yeah maybe.” Bucky coughed out. His chest felt tight with someone who knew him so well staring at him like this.

Before Steve could rib Bucky more, Tony sauntered into the room with  Nat behind him. “So what’s everyone’s thoughts on our little snake in  the grass?”

“I think the woman is damn fucking scary.” Sam piped up from the same  chair he’d been in this morning. “And really good at her job. Reminds  me of robocop over there a little too much if you know what I mean.”

“That’s what I find so interesting.” Steve says. “Because obviously  we know that Bucky wanted out, and was not the person that the camera  showed. I wanna know what’s really going on in her brain.”

“Banner, question for you, if we managed to set a little trap for our  snake and actually got her in here, would you be able to scan her brain  and see how much of it was under her actual control?” Tony said as he  dropped into a chair at the head of the table.

Banner responded from where he sat in his normal chair in the corner.  “I could compare a brain scan to early scans of Barnes’s brain. See how  similar they look. Then compare to his post-Wakanda scans. In a sense,  yes. But the brain is complicated as you know.”

“Can’t we just talk to her?” Bucky pipes up. “I mean, if it makes you  feel more comfortable to hook her up to a lie detector whatever, but I  just… I know what they do to people there and let me tell you there’s no  way she’s in control.”

“What makes you so sure?” Tony questions. “I mean, I was wrong about  you. I’ll admit that. I’m a bigger man now. But not everyone is Cap's  former BFF brought back from the dead with a heart of gold trapped in a  twisted hydra web. She could have gone willingly. In fact, I have a hard  time believing that a Red Room agent was accidentally captured by  Hydra. What if she went to them willingly?”  

“But then why did she leave?” Natasha counters. “Who’s to say that  she ended up in all this willingly. I don’t know the whole story of how  the Red Room got her, but it’s rare that people join without coercion.  There’s more to this story, I can feel it.”

“Me too.” Bucky whispered. There had to be so much more to that 17 year old girl than a brutal murderer.

“Nat, can you explain this image to me?” Tony says, pulling up the  very polaroid that was going to haunt Bucky for weeks. “This looks like a  pretty willing agent to me.”

Bucky cringed at Tony’s short sighted assessment. Sure, the subject looked relaxed but that didn’t mean willing. Nat sneered.

“Well Tony, when every week your instructors challenge two students  to spar and the loser is killed however the classmate prefers, you too  would willingly fight back, to the death if necessary.”

Steve flinched, and looked at Nat with eyes full of grief. “They made you kill each other?”

“Kept us from attaching to each other.” Nat said simply.

Steve just shook his head, placing his face in his palms. This was  one of the reasons Bucky and Nat had gotten along pretty quickly. They’d  come to terms with their trauma, and the others sometimes had a hard  time brushing past the torture that the two of them had simply moved on  from.

“Touche.” Tony shrugged. “So why does this image say option 4?”

“That I don’t know.” Nat sighs. “No photos were ever allowed to be  taken of us, but the fact that this was clearly taken by an instructor  confuses me.”

“So we have no answers.” Sam quips. “Do I need to go stand on the  street with a sign that says “Viper take a crack at me” so we can maybe  get a glimpse of her? I’m only doing it if I can wear the suit Tony.”

“That’s the thing, there have been no sightings of the woman for  years, and the one tiny glimpse in that surveillance shot from Venezuela  6 months ago was a blip. There was no record of anyone matching that  description entering or leaving that country or any near it. We have no  idea where she is.” Tony muttered. “I have Friday combing every single  camera we can get access to, and hacking into those we don’t. The tip  line on that forum is blank. No one seems to have seen her.”

There was silence for a moment, as everyone sunk into their own minds. Letting the gears turn.

“Mr. Stark.” Friday’s voice came lilting out of the ceiling. “I have a hit.”

Everyone jumped a bit, leaning forward in their seats.

“Put it on the screen.” Tony snapped. Suddenly the whole blank wall  of the room was filled with various camera angles showing crowds of  people wandering on the sidewalk. In the middle of a cluster of  pedestrians was a figure draped in black, a baseball hat on their head  and a hood pulled up over it. As the person moves, the different  security camera’s flip past on the screen, keeping up with their  movement.

Instantly, Bucky’s blood ran cold.

“Where is this?” Sam whispers.

“Queens.” Bucky, Steve and Tony answer in unison.

“Very close to Parker’s apartment…” Tony whispers.

“It’s empty.” Steve mentions. “Happy and May are on vacation and Peter is staying with his friend. That Ned kid.”

“I know.” Tony says. “Doesn’t mean I like her being around the corner from his place regardless.”

The room goes quiet for a few moments as they all watch the Vipers  progress through the streets of Queens. She never picks up her head,  seeming to be watching the sidewalk in front of her. She slips easily  between groups of people, never bumping into anyone even though she  doesn’t seem to be looking at anyone.

“What are we doing?” Sam says then. “We know exactly where she is. She’s so close. Let’s go suit up.”

“There’s no way she’s here by accident.” Nat says quietly. “It’s like she wants us to find her…”

“Another layer of intrigue.” Tony snarks.

“She wouldn’t be stupid enough to show up in this city unless she  actually wants us to find her.” Nat continues. “Either they sent her  here as a trap and finally had her look into a security camera long  enough for us to track her, or she’s doing this on her own. Either way, I  don’t understand the motive.”

There’s another moment of silence as they all watch the cameras track the target.

Abruptly, the Viper stops in the middle of the sidewalk. The  pedestrians continue to flow around her, many seem to be grumbling and  some throw rude gestures in her direction.

There’s now only a single security camera in the area able to capture her image, she stands right in the center of the frame.

“What is she doing?” Steve whispers.

Through the grainy camera footage, the whole team watches as it looks  almost like her shoulders shake slightly. She seems to be looking at  her feet.

No one breathes as the woman in the center of the video lifts her  head slowly. Her eyes land directly on the lens, as if she’s peering  straight through the shitty security camera and into Avengers tower.

There’s a huge grin on her face.

Then, from the pocket of her hoodie, she pulls a pistol and calmly points the barrel at the camera.

The last thing the camera sees in her head dropping back as she begins to cackle. Then she pulls the trigger, ending the feed.

“Holy shit.” Sam whispers.

Bucky is speechless. His heart is pounding in his chest. He felt like  her eyes seared through the camera and right into his chest. He can  barely breathe.

“Friday, show us the other cameras in the area.” Tony barks.

Friday pulls up tons of camera angles of the street the Viper was  just standing on. The crowds are screaming, attempting to run away from  the spot that the Viper had clearly just been standing. However, there  are no further gun shots and no one looks injured.

“What the  hell? ” Bucky says under his breath. She just shot out a camera in the middle of a busy street in Queens? For what?

“Are there any figures matching her description on any of these feeds?” Tony snaps again.

“No sir.” Friday replies. “I’ve scanned every camera in the borough and I can’t see her on any of them.”

Everyone sits in shocked silence as the security footage continues to  roll. The NYPD show up, helping to calm the pedestrians. They watch  quietly as they start to tape off the area. Everyone knows however that  if no one was hurt, it’s unlikely that the cops will pursue the incident  further. They have much bigger fish to fry in this town.

“Well goddamn.” Sam finally breaks the silence. “That was quite a little performance.”

“She really wants us to find her then.” Nat mutters.

Around the room everyone mutters their agreement.

Bucky finds his voice finally.

“So let’s find her.”

--

There’s unending adrenaline in you now. It was reckless you knew  that. It was also so obvious what game you were playing with them at  this point, but you didn’t care.

They clearly weren’t going to make a move, so you had to play your hand first.

For better or worse, it was their move now.